#cancer couldn't happen to a more deserving person

[notquiteaghost]

GB news is absolutely not a reliable source & this guy's credentials are he wrote an unofficial biography of charles a few years ago. he is an investigative journalist but he did also recently publish a biography of jeremy corbyn that has been widely criticised for being factually incorrect. charles IS big into alternative medicine but we do not Know if he's actually gonna refuse chemo when he's the one with cancer. this guy is guessing. i am primarily reblogging this post to say it is so fucking jarring to live in the uk & hear actual journalists speculate about the royals on their actual news programs in the exact same way i see fans speculate about fictional characters in fandom spaces. especially when there are a hundred far more pressing things happening that actually effect the average person's life.

potions??? lmaoo rip bozo

[zer0-g]

Great news everyone!

Charles 3 is on his way out!

[save-the-villainous-cat]

"You must feel betrayed," the villain said quietly. It wasn't quite a whisper but the hero was already used to their rather calm nature. It didn't help them at all, though. The acid feeling in their throat wouldn't disappear and neither would the horrible, horrible guilt.

"I failed, didn't I?" they asked. They could barely breathe. Their hands were shaking.

"This isn't the end of the world," the villain said. They sat down on the kitchen chair. "How is your arm?"

The hero looked down at the cast and despite the pain seeping through it, they couldn't really care enough to take any medication. On most days, when their mind bore their rawest desires once they woke up, they wished to wake up somewhere else. They wished all of this was a bad dream, a reality they could escape eventually. But it wasn't. It really wasn't.

"It wasn't a clean break," the hero said. "I didn't expect it to be one."

They were begging for the villain's comfort. Both of them knew it. Crawling to their enemy in the middle of the night wasn't the only humiliating thing.

No, rather that the villain was the last person there was to crawl to - that was even worse.

"I am scared," the hero admitted. They were vulnerable already. And they figured this life was over anyway. This superhero life.

"I know," the villain answered. Their eyes were on the hero but they were gentle, they were pitiful. "But what has happened to you is not your fault. And what they did to you wasn't either."

What had happened to the hero had been simple. Abuse over years from their superior. It had been an open secret that the hero would end up in the hospital wing several times when the superhero's patience would be short-lived. For whatever reason, the hero had always been their favorite target and the hero suspected it had something to do with their resilience.

But what they had done to the hero...The hero suspected the villain wasn't referring to the superhero but someone else entirely. That was the whole reason why the hero was here in the villain's kitchen in the first place.

The hero sat down on another chair and combed with their healthy hand through their hair. For a few moments, they held their own face in their hand, longing for some comfort, even if it was their own hand.

"I must have been quite the unpleasant person in my previous life to deserve this," the hero joked but the villain didn't smile. They leaned forward.

"Your sidekick didn't betray you because you weren't good enough," the villain said. "They believe the lies the superhero tells them. They believe the fairytales and the bedtime stories. They believe there are easy solutions to complex problems. They believe that you have to become just as evil to defeat the bad guys."

"I failed them, then. I tried everything I could to-"

"No. You didn't fail them," the villain said. "The superhero is more powerful than you are. They are more influential."

"But I should have taught my sidekick to-"

"No." The hero was surprised by the sharpness of the villain's voice. Their nemesis took in a breath and tried to collect themselves. "Listen. You're not flawless. No one is. But you are closer to it than any of the rest of us. You tried everything you could. But what on earth are you supposed to do when you are getting beaten up by your own boss all the time?! You never got the chance to teach your sidekick anything."

The hero didn't say anything to that. Deep down, they knew the villain was right about that last part. But the guilt devoured them like a cancer.

"Aren't you angry?" the villain asked. The hero could see how their nemesis was clenching their jaw. Their knuckles were as white as snow.

"No...I'm - God - I don't know." It was so frustrating the hero wanted to cry. Mostly, they were indeed scared. Scared of being in this city, scared of seeing the superhero, scared of going outside.

But anger? The hero doubted they had any strength left for that emotion.

"I just want all of this to be over," the hero said. "I can't fight anymore. But my sidekick..."

Suddenly, the villain stood up from their chair and walked up to the hero.

"Alright," they said gently. "Let's run away together."

"What?"

The villain offered their hand and the hero took it, clearly confused. The villain helped them stand up.

"If it's too much heartbreak and if it's too much pain, we should start over. We can leave the city. We can leave the country. If you want to fight back, I'll fight beside you. It is your decision."

"Why are you...?" The villain avoided their gaze. Instead, they stared at the hero's hand they were still holding.

"Let's clean you up," the villain said. The hero's own blood was still sticking to their fingers. They hadn't noticed. "And think about my offer."

[loggiepj]

she broke her own heart

Summary : Just a short story about how Wanda broke her own heart.

You didn't cheat.

You learned at a young age that when you loved someone, you should be solely and  deeply committed to that person. You were strongly against any sort of betrayal.

You hated your father for that. You thanked the heavens he got sick with something close to cancer because you knew he deserved it. But you hated him more for making your mother miserable who still took care of your father after he got sick most of the time. You pitied your mother. She shouldn't have to live that way, especially when she was the one cheated on. But she loved your father still.

That was why you had cursed him and swore to yourself you wouldn't ever do what he did to your mother.

You couldn't handle the guilt if ever you'd commit such a cruel act, wondering how some people could ever do such in the first place. Even some of your friends have cheated or have been cheated on. It made you sick to the stomach just to think of it.

You couldn't ever ever cheat and wouldn't attempt to in your lifetime.

You didn't cheat.

That was what you were trying to tell your girlfriend of four years when she caught you with a naked woman in your apartment.

Wanda. Sweet, innocent, ever kind Wanda. With red hair and green eyes, she'd part the crowd like the Red sea whenever she entered a room.

You met her during your last year in College and dated ever since. It was a funny encounter — an enemies turned into lovers type of story. It was when Wanda accused you of being the other girlfriend of your now ex-bestfriend, Vision.

It took her a whole month to figure out you were gay when you both got drunk and made out in your dorm. It only took her five seconds of your tongue in her mouth to find out she liked girls too.

You and Wanda had been inseparable since. The relationship grew more intense, making you both commit yourselves to each other. Your friends became her friends. Her friends became yours.

You considered yourself so lucky for having her in your life. Wanda was always there through your ups and downs. And you were also there for hers.

So why would you cheat on her? How could you ever cheat on her?

You didn't cheat. But Wanda didn't believe you.

Wanda witnessed it front row.

It was a normal Thursday afternoon, or at least it was supposed to be normal, when Natasha, your bestfriend, dropped by your apartment, carrying with her her bag of art supplies, a blank canvass and a lady wearing high heels who looked like ten years older than the two of you.

It was honestly your fault in the first place. You were too nice to deny Natasha a place to do her painting when she was kicked out of hers. But you were also too late to realize it was going to be a nude work when the lady suddenly took off all of her clothes, leaving only her red stilettos on.

Amidst your complaints about how Wanda wouldn't approve of such a thing if she only knew, Natasha had managed to persuade you that it would only take her an hour to finish.

But bad things were meant to happen.

If only you allowed Natasha to use the toilet when she needed to relieve herself earlier, you wouldn't have to wait for a couple of minutes for her to come back when she immediately headed towards the toilet the moment she had finished the painting.

You wouldn't have to endure an awkward moment alone with the lady as she slowly dressed herself. You wouldn't have slipped on Natasha's paintbrush that she left on the floor in a hurry and tackled with the lady as you both fell down on the floor.

And Wanda wouldn't have seen you two in a weirdly sexual position in the apartment that you and Wanda shared.

No. Wanda didn't believe you. She saw it with her own two eyes.

"It's not what you think it is," you told her. Yet, you couldn't move. You found yourself frozen, million of things running inside your head, reasons why you were suddenly on top of this half naked stranger.

Wanda scoffed, then bit back a cry as she said, "I thought you were different. I was wrong."

When Wanda hurriedly left the apartment, a switch turned on in yourself, making you finally move from your spot.

"What did I miss?" was what you thought you heard Natasha ask in a distance when she finally came out of the toilet. But you were too focused to follow Wanda out of the building and into the parking lot.

"Wanda!" you called out, knocking the windows of her car as you tried to get in. "It was not what it looked like. I swear!"

Then you made a run towards her side of the car because the passenger's side was locked.

"Wanda, please!" You were hysterical. Especially when you saw how red and defeated Wanda's eyes looked like. As if she had accepted her fate. That you were a cheater, just like her ex boyfriend.

"I didn't! We didn't—" A sudden honk made you jump away from the car before Wanda stepped on the pedal and drove fast. Away. Far from you.

You tried to run for it. But after a couple of blocks, you ran out of air to breathe.

Endless visits in Pietro's apartment became your routine. You knew Wanda was staying at her brother's place. You saw her car parked outside. But Wanda wouldn't give you the time or the ear to listen.

Wanda's friends became your enemies, despising you for betraying their friend. You could talk them through it, made them believe you didn't do what they thought you did. But you only cared for Wanda to believe you.

Pietro almost didn't believe you until Natasha talked to him.

"Give it time, Y/n," Pietro always said to you whenever you dropped by. "You know how she feels about cheating. Maybe tomorrow, she'd finally listen to you."

So you hoped and hoped that tomorrow will come. That one day she'd finally hear you out and your valid excuse.

But that day turned only into weeks. And weeks turned into a month. And a month turned into two. Until you couldn't bear it any longer and visited Wanda in her office.

Amidst the protests from Wanda's secretary, saying she was in a meeting, you still managed to get to her office.

Wanda wasn't alone. She was with her officemate who was also her friend, Jarvis. A friend who had become surprisingly close after your so-called breakup.

You were out of breath. Not because the secretary was so fast in trying to get you, but because you swore you saw Jarvis' arm around Wanda's shoulders just a second ago, and how their faces were so close to each other, it almost looked like they were kissing or something.

"Y/n, what are you doing here? How did you get in?" Wanda bitterly asked. You could tell she was still mad about what she thought you did.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am." Her secretary bumped into your back as she managed to catch up. "I tried to stop her—"

"It's okay. I trust it Y/n doesn't need help to exit this building as well," Wanda replied.

"You didn't answer to any of my calls or messages," you began. "If you could only hear me out just this once. Natasha brought—"

"I don't think we have formally met," Jarvis interrupted as he walked towards you, his hand held out for you to shake. "I'm Jarvis Stark, the CEO of Stark Industries, along with my brother Tony. And. . .," he made a look towards Wanda before he looked back at you, "Wanda's boyfriend."

You laughed. It was a slow chuckle at first, before you burst into a loud laughter.

"I see," you said, ignoring Jarvis' hand as you made your way towards Wanda. "You don't have to do this. Pretending he's your boyfriend when months ago, you despise the hell out of him."

Wanda stepped back. "You don't know me, Y/n. Maybe, I do want him after all."

"Wands—"

"Besides the fact that at least he wants me unlike you."

"You know that's not true—"

"Tell me, Y/n, was she really that good in bed? Good enough to throw all those years away?!"

"Wands." You tried to step a bit closer, arms extending for a hug.

"Stay away from me!" Wanda screamed, making Jarvis drag you away from her. You pulled out from his grasp as you stared at Wanda. She looked like a mess, but you couldn't really blame her if she had gone through a heartbreak.

After all, she was the one who broke her own heart.

"Don't make me call security," Jarvis warned.

You took a deep breath before you finally left.

You would have come back the following day. Or the day after that. If only you didn't get sick.

You would have visited Pietro's apartment the next day if you didn't just collapse on your way to work that day.

You thought it was just fatigue, what with the restless nights you had spent trying to win Wanda back. But you were wrong.

It turned out you were cursed with your father's illness too.

That was why you were drinking in a bar on a Tuesday afternoon, even when the sun was still up. If Natasha weren't there to get you to go home, you would have ended in God knows where.

"I don't deserve her," you softly murmured when Natasha had managed to get you in her car. "I don't deserve Wanda."

"Hey, don't say that."

"She's in good hands now. He'll be good to her. Promise me, Nat, you'll look after her."

Natasha cupped your face. "She just needs time, Y/n. She'll come back. I promise you that."

But time was something you had until now. Until you finally received the medical report from your doctor, telling you that you'd end up paralyzed one day. Just like your father.

And you couldn't do that to Wanda — making her take care of you as you both grew old. No. You couldn't do that to her. You were not your father.

Even when she finally realized that you didn't really cheat. Even when she would finally talk to you and accept you back into her arms. Even when Wanda made it known that Jarvis and her weren't at all true and she was just angry at that time.

Even when she finally came to Natasha's party after countless invitations in the past months, knowing you were there too. Even then.

You knew now you're not your father. You wouldn't cheat. And you couldn't make her give up her dreams just to take care of you.

So when yours and Wanda's eyes met at the party, with her talking to some of your friends, and you drinking from a distance, you knew you had to finally let her go.

"I cheated," you said when Wanda came to follow you in the balcony. "I had intentions that day to kiss her and more."

Wanda shook her head. "You're lying." Even her voice was trembling.

"It's true. The only lie I ever told you was to make you believe I didn't do it, that I didn't cheat. But I . . . I want to come clean, Wanda," you went on. "I'm sorry I led you on, I'm sorry. I slept with her that night. And on the following nights too—"

Wanda snapped, her hand hitting your left cheek with a force. The sound echoed through the night. That hurt. But your heart was already hurting.

"Why can't I be enough, Y/n?" Wanda finally asked after a couple of seconds of complete silence.

Then you looked at her, saddened that she didn't realize how perfectly enough she was to anyone.

You wanted so badly to tell her she was enough. That you were even lucky she was talking to you. That it was you who couldn't be enough for her.

But you stopped yourself. You had to let her go.

"Don't you ever let me see your face again," she said, gritting her teeth, before she left.

And that was the only thing you could promise Wanda from that moment on.

[glitter-stained]

My very personal rating of every lazarus pit fanon side effects I've ever read, ranked from favourite to least favourite :

Tapetum lucidum (the thing cats have that makes their eyes gleam in the dark): that's so creepy and cool, eery in a more discreet way than a full-on glow, idk who hced that first but they are a genius

Contaminated blood laced with the lazarus protein: because our blood renews itself pretty often, this implies the existence of either a lazarus organ that continues to pump the lazarus protein in the blood, or, more probably, the contamination of one of the blood producing organs, maybe of the bone marrow, by the Lazarus pit. Like imagine the Lazarus Pit changing you down to the inside of your bone... The implications are so fascinating I'd love to read more about it.

Altered dna: this doesn't make sense, how does the magical healing pit change your dna, I love it so much, tell me more about the magic gatorade that rewrites dna

Accelerated healing/enhancements: what's funnier, that the pit gave Jason metahuman abilities like being able to withstand a meteorite and going toe-to-toe with Deathstroke (the wiki's words, not mine) and it was just never discussed, or that nothing Jason went through gave him these abilities that he really shouldn't have and he still does and it was just never discussed? I don't know but still, that stuff is top-tier

Glowing green eyes: on the one hand, eyes that glow when the person is feeling intense negative emotions (even better it's not just rage, like, imagine having a flashback or nightmare or getting fear toxined and their eyes glow and people think they're about to attack but they just scream that'd be so cool) but on the other hand, I feel like the colour is too limiting. Sure, Ra's or Riddler can fuck with the glowing green but come on, my girl Cass deserves eyes that glow gold (like the gold from the Batgirl suit). Jason deserves to have glowing red eyes. Cicero says that eyes are the reflection of the soul and while I love the idea of the lazarus pit being toxic, contaminating a part of the person's soul, in comics, a character's colour scheme is an essential part of their graphic identity, and I think altering it to the point of giving it a totally different colour is too much for my taste personally. Like, you are still the same person that you were before the bad thing happened. Yes, it changed you irrevocably, but you are still yourself and you should still have the right to your name and to the colour of your soul.

Lazarus Rage/Pit Madness: so I've seen this one criticized pretty often, often because of how unnecessary, and honestly probably damaging, to the understanding of Jason's character after his resurrection. And like, I agree, but also I've found myself to enjoy the fanon version of the Batfam. Like, I don't like that it's murky and confusing sometimes to figure out which is fanon or canon and that that leads people to judging canon actions from a standard of fanon information, and parts of it can be sexist or racist or classist, but the same can be said from canon, you have to be critical with what you consume. Basically to me there are two batfams and I consume both differently and enjoy both, and in the context of fanon I enjoy Pit Madness. The idea of uncontrollable, alien rage is fun, is angsty, and as someone with intense anger issues I'm telling you writing a lazarus rage episode was one of the most cathartic things I've ever written and it felt so good. I also think part of the upset on the subject is a bit undeserved because I see people complain that "the lazarus doesn't work like that because it didn't do that to other people" as if the way the lazarus pit worked made any sense. You're telling me this stuff healed Jason's malnutrition but it didn't fix his trauma? That it healed the Riddler's brain cancer but couldn't be bothered to fuck with Jason's hypertrophied amygdala and the fucked up connections between his amygdala and hippocampus??! Obviously we can't expect dc to know or care about science that much , but I still have the right to be nerdy about it. Jason went into the pit resurrected by God and with brain damage and Ra's said it was a plague and that could make him crazy, I fully believe he could have gotten Pit Madness even if the others hadn't.

Eye-colour change: that's the same thing as the glowing part but without the fun part, really dislike it. I need to be able to listen to I know these eyes/this man is dead from the Count of MonteCristo Musical while making up Under the Red Hood edits in my head please and thank you

Lazarus Pit brings people back to life: I hate it so much dc stop treating life and death so inconsequentially oh my gosh characters fighting life and death situations should not have a source of immortality right in hand I hate that lazarus resin lazarus toxin stuff they have right now and the idea that the pits can bring back to life plays into that idea so I really dislike it. I understand the appeal, it's the basics of coming back wrong with a side of rebirth in the water but instead of being purified it's being poisoned, but I just can't get over how frustrating it is to see a beloved character die and only be able to say I hope he doesn't come back for his own sake and then he comes back. Urgh.

[captainimfangirling]

The Boys Season 4 Episode 4

Major Spoilers

Homelander

I love how they're basically making the cartoon (The Boys Presents: Diabolical) canon showing how Homelander was tortured as a child. Many just assumed because of that deleted scene of Homelander killing his tutor that he was the evil one in charge of the scientists but there's so much more to it. Homelander not killing Barbara proved my theory that he doesn't kill people who are scared of him like Butcher, and Vogelbaum. I f*cking knew Vought brainwashed Homelander as a child. That's basically what they did when they brought in the psychologist in order to mold him into someone who needs love and approval.

Did anyone noticed Homelander's expression when Barbara said he basically killed his surrogate mother when he was born? I'm kind of surprised he didn't want to know more about her since he always wanted a mother but then again he's trying to cut out that side of him. What female DNA did they use to create Homelander? It couldn't just be Solider Boy. What if Barbara is his biological mother? What if he donated her egg for science? Maybe Homelander knows and that's why he doesn't want to kill her?

Decided to watch the scene last year when Ryan was trying to save Homelander from Solider Boy. That's probably the first and only time someone begged for his life and tried to help him. That's why he's very attached to Ryan. It's not that he wants the best father for Ryan, it's that he wants to be good enough for Ryan to feel loved. By the way I like how they gave Ryan's birth story to Homelander because it was supposed to be Ryan who killed Becca when he was born.

I noticed the parallel between Hughie and Homelander. Hughie decided to forgive and Homelander decided to get revenge in the most violent way.

Hughie

I understand why he wants to save his dad but I don't think it's gonna go well because of that one episode in the cartoon where an old man tries to save his wife dying of cancer. I'm not sure about the mother. Deep down I thought there was something off about her but I didn't talk about it because I felt bad for judging her when she tried to unalive herself. Maybe she feels guilty for leaving her husband but I'm not even sure if that's true because if felt guilty about it why was so quick to pull the plug on her husband?! I feel like she has a motive and only let her husband slowly die was so Hughie can hurry up and get some V. Another theory (I hate saying it) what if she lied to Hughie about why she left? What if she wanted to give Hughie Compound V and his dad didn't want it? What if she's a supe and wants to whole family to be supes?

Starlight

Girl can't win! I was so happy when she kicked Firecrackers ass but yeah her past is gonna haunt her. I'll be honest I'm just not into Starlight like I used to be. I preferred her when she was in The Seven and being Starlight. Political Annie is ok but there's already Victoria. Also I think everyone that's happening is changing her. It was suggested last season when she killed that innocent guy and she said she felt nothing.

Mother's Milk

Not sure how I feel. He hasn't felt the same since the actor "lost weight." I mean I'm glad he's healthy but my gut feeling tells me there's something else going on. He feels like a different person. Is it just the weight loss or is something else going on? Because I feel like his expressions are very different.

Butcher

I still love Butcher. Poor guy just wants to keep his promise to Becca. I wonder if he actually exploded that guy or if it was someone else trying to save him like Ryan? I don't know but it's interesting. I hope there's a cure for him because I don't want him to die even though it makes sense for him to die when Homelander dies because they're both have many parallels. I mean in this episode both were bloody except Butcher didn't know what he was doing and Homelander knew what he was doing.

Frenchie & Kimiko

Love Frenchie but deserved it. I hope Kimiko helps him like he helped her and actually get together or at least heal together. I loved Kimiko's interaction with Hughie. To be honest I'm losing interest in her fight with Shinning Light only because I feel like it's her own thing and not a group thing. I think it would be more interesting if they all work together as a team to take them down instead of doing their own thing. They haven't been a team in so long. I hope they will later on it the season.

Sister Sage, The Deep, & Black Noir

Ok I loved how she has to give herself an lobotomy in order to have sexual human desires and dumb herself down. I honestly feel like she's doing the same thing to Black Noir but I love that man and I hope she stays away from him but that's not gonna happen. I still think Black Noir is gonna become crazy obsessed with turning into Black Noir that he thinks he's Earving or the original Black Noir doing everything Black Noir did without knowing Earving was a sensitive scared man.

A-Train

I'm all for his redemption but I really hope they don't kill him off because I feel like they're doing the redemption thing right when it comes to A-Train. There's no need to kill him off in order for him to be redeemed. I HATE it when they kill off characters in order to redeem them. It's lazy writing.

[honeybunniii333]

(SORRY I'VE BEEN DEAD! Also i just realized I never see content for Dez and Ed. Like they have a sibling like relationship (even tho they're cousins), and they're supposedly really close in Canon! But I never saw anything for them, and I decided that needed to be fixed. SO! Here ya go!)

Again, her dad was in the hospital again. It had gotten to where he was there more than home, and that was scary and awful in its own right. But now, because of the sudden dip in his health. He can't take her to their yearly concert! They've gone to one every year since she was four, and it was her favorite part of the summer. They'd already bought their tickets and everything... and then he started getting sick again. Bad enough to land him in the hospital two days before they were supposed to leave... Dez was angry, to say the least. NOT at her dad. She knew better than anyone that the last thing the man ever wanted was to break his little girl's heart. She was mad at life for making this happen. Mad at the cancer for making her poor dad so sick and weak. He didn't deserve this. She felt so lost, so out of control. She didn't know what to do, she had to do something. She was SO tired of feeling powerless. She didn't even think about it as she grabbed the scissors from the counter.

Horror, she felt true horror as she looked in the mirror. Her hair, her pretty hair, was all over the floor and the sink. Oh god, what had she done... her knees buckled, and she sank to the ground, scissors long abandoned on the counter as she cried and wiped at her face. Her eyes were sore, and her throat was raw. She wanted her dad, but he was not there. And someday, probably soon, he'd never be there again, and that thought just made her cry harder. Dez was an independent person generally. She didn't like being genuinely reliant on anyone, but right now, she'd throw her pride aside for some comfort. Her head shot up at the sound of the almost totally open door, creaking the rest of the way open and a startled gasp following it. Someone stood in the doorway, eyes wide, and God did that make her crumble even further. But this time, there were arms wrapping around her, pulling her close and nails, raking through what remained of her hair. She buried her face into their chest and just let herself cry. She cried and cried until she couldn't seem to muster any more tears.

"Dez..." Ed's quiet response came after a moment or two of prolonged silence. "Desiree, talk to me." he insisted when he got nothing but a sniffle in response, pulling her back by the shoulders to get a good look at her. He frowned a bit and brushed some hair off of her cheek. "I..." She choked out. "Oh god, what did I do... my hair..." She sniffled, trying not to cry again. "Hey, hey..." he hushed "Cmon tell me what's up." he reminded as he pulled her with him to rest against the sink cabnit. Still supporting her with an arm around the shoulder. "I... Dad is sick again." She whispered, and he seemed to understand almost immediately. "Yeah..he is..." he nodded solemly.

"I miss him.." She added, closing her eyes and resting against the strong weight beside her. "I know ya do... he misses ya, too." he reminded, and she couldn't help but smile sadly at that. "He's not coming home anytime soon... and this week was.. supposed to be our concert week." She struggled to get her words out with that feeling bubbling up in her throat again. The feeling that everything was falling apart, Edward just squeezed her shoulder in response. "Yeah Tiá was talking about that earlier this week... you guys go every year..."

"Yeah... and now we can't... " she choked harshly but pushed on. "I know it's dumb. I know he can't help it. It's not that big a deal it just.. it kinda made me realize that there's a good chance that we won't get to do a lot of stuff together, and I don't know... I just cracked, and now my hair is a mess, and I'm a mess.. everything's a mess..." She wiped at her eyes furiously as she spoke. "That's alright." He seemed to have decided. "It's okay to be a little bit of a mess sometimes..." And Dez briefly caught herself thinking about how Ed should probably take that sentiment to heart as well. "And I wouldn't say your hair is a mess..." he laughed a little, moving a bit to get a better look. "it's a bit choppy, yeah... but I don't think it looks bad on ya!" she seemed rather skeptical as she glanced up at the older boy. "Really?"

"Yeah! Just needs a bit of touch up, here..." he insisted, pulling her up and directing her to the mirror as he grabbed the scissors that had been discarded on the counter and immediately started cutting away. "Hey!" she tensed a bit, "Just trust me, Dez." he sighed with a roll of his eyes, and soon he set them back down. "See..?" she was a bit scared to look up at first but slowly she opened her eyes (which she hadn't really registered squeezing shut until now) and... he was right... it wasn't awful. "It'll take a little gettin used to, it is a big change." he hummed, fluffing her hair up a bit to check the length. "But I think you might end up liking it... and if you don't... it's just hair. It'll grow back."

She wasn't sure how to feel, standing there with a boy she'd for some reason expected to be mean when first meeting him.. it was a funny thought now. She stood there studying his work, his hands resting comfortingly on her shoulder... She didn't know how to feel, but another gentle squeeze cleared her mind. "Hey..." his voice was soft. "It'll be okay... I know it doesn't feel like it right now... everything's a bit hectic, and it's hard to see it, but... You'll be okay." And somehow, when Edward said it, it sounded a lot more believable. She couldn't help but feel better with the reminder that even when her Dad was gone. Ed would still be there... he was always there... whether she wanted or not... "Hey Eddie?" She whispered after another long pause. Ed had already gotten to cleaning up the mess she'd made. He seemed to do that a lot... "Yeah?" He hummed, not looking up from his task of sweeping up hair. "Would you wanna go to a concert this weekend?" He seemed a bit confused for a moment, but the confusion was short-lived, and he seemed to understand. He smiled fondly to himself and nodded.

"Yeah, I would."

Dez had a feeling that she'd be okay...

[gillyeowalters]

As it is pride month, a not so quick reminder:

ARO/ACE PEOPLE ARE VALID.

One day, I met my husband. And I loved him. But I did not want sex. So I stayed quiet because it felt like I couldn't give him enough. I thought that we should stay friends. I did not confess my feelings.

It was my birthday, when we sat together on the couch and he hugged me and said: "You know, I think I love you." And I thanked him and said: "But you wouldn't want me." I laughed when I said it, but it felt terrible. But I needed to say it like that because I did not want him to think that he was the issue. I had memorized that sentence, so I could use it when I needed to.

He was confused and obviously a bit shocked as well, so I had to explain myself to him.

I remember constantly assuring him that it wasn't because I thought that he was ugly or undesirable (my husband was heavily scarred and often would feel insecure about his body).

He asked me if hugs were ok and I said yes. And we both decided that hugs were enough. And that is how we got together. We stayed together until he died from cancer in 2017.

We didn't have it easy. Not only because of homophobia, not only because he was a Jew living in Germany, a country that claims to be but never really was de-nazified, not only because I am intersex and considered a freak, but also because of ace-phobia.

When other queer couples started to talk about their sex life, we stayed quiet. Just because we had nothing to say. But that was not ok. Because that apparently 'made things awkward' for others. When we told them that we didn't have sex, that was also not ok. And then the questions began.

"Why?"

"Can't you get it up?"

"Did something bad happen to you?"

"Don't you love each other?"

But the questions were not the worst part. The direct accusations were.

"You must be broken in some way."

"You can't be gay."

"You should see a psychiatrist."

"You don't love your husband."

It hurt.

And then there was this indirect accusation of me 'doing this' because I wanted to 'feel purer/better/superior' than others. Everytime.

So. Let me say this:

I DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE YES-MAN WHO HAS TO CONSTANTLY REASSURE YOU HOW GREAT OR IMPORTANT SEX IS AND THAT IT IS OK TO BE A SEXUAL PERSON.

ME SAYING THAT I DO NOT WANT SEX DOES NOT MEAN THAT I JUDGE YOU FOR HAVING SEX. I DO NOT THINK THAT YOU ARE WRONG, OR DIRTY, OR LESSER FOR HAVING SEX.

That is your insecurity talking. And maybe you actually are not so proud of your own sexuality if that pride immediately is hurt by a stranger telling you they are not interested in sex.

And it is not my job or the job of other asexual people to make you feel less insecure and fragile about your own sex life.

Sex does not gross me out. Sexual people do not gross me out.

Making Sex the be-all of all and everyone's relationships grosses me out.

And despite people telling him that I was mistreating him, that he deserved better, that he should cheat on me, he stayed with me, he cared for me when I got my spine injury and could only lay in bed, he reassured me that I was enough and more.

And despite people telling me that it was my fault that he got cancer because I didn't have sex with him, that I was weird and gross and that I could not possibly love him.

I loved my husband. To the last day he lived. And I still do. We were not married. But he asked me to call him my husband. Because, if the circumstances would have allowed it, that is what he would have been.

[novelconcepts]

💗 adult taivan

💗 slow kiss / gentle kiss / inevitable / soft

It's strange, Taissa being so careful with her. It makes her feel like a different person altogether. As though--despite having the same hair color, the same freckles, the same scars as Van Palmer--she has, somehow, been transplanted into a new body.

A frail body. Weak. Fragile. A body unable to run as she once did, fight as she once did, play as she once did. A body barely capable of laughter without tiring. Not that she's got much to laugh about these days.

Tai kisses her like she thinks Van might break at any moment, offering ample opportunities for Van to catch her breath along the way. Even so, her lungs rebel. Her chest aches. Her skin is wax paper, and she can feel Taissa registering its flimsy nature.

"I wish you wouldn't," she says, spoiling the effect of her own glare with a cough. It goes on for what feels like minutes. Taissa waits it out. When did she learn such patience?

"Wouldn't what?" she asks when Van's caught her breath again. Goddamn tumors. Goddamn cancer cannibalizing her fucking body one piece at a time. Maybe it's what she deserves after...everything, but she can't bring herself to believe that. No one deserves this.

"I wish you wouldn't look at me like..." She can't finish. Her voice breaks on the last word. She swallows convulsively.

Taissa takes her face between too-gentle hands, and Van wants to scream. That's what I mean! That's it! Don't do that, Tai! Except Tai might take that as a command not to touch Van at all, and she couldn't bear that. She forces the words down, closes her eyes. She's so tired.

It happened so fast. Everything of merit in her life has been so fast. The first time Taissa kissed her. The plane going down. The wolves. The rescue. Life looks like it always has--and then, abruptly, it doesn't. It's new. It's all new, and she has to work out how to live within that newness.

Well. Not for much longer, she supposes. Not this time.

Taissa kisses her, cradling her face, and Van tries not to feel how soft the act is. Tries not to understand Tai is barely giving her a fraction of the usual passion. It's not about what Tai wants. It's about what she thinks Van can take.

All these years, and she still doesn't get it. Van wants it all. Van wants to suck the marrow from the bones of life, and fuck whatever god stands in her way. Van wants, Van is starving, Van has been so hungry for so fucking long.

If this is how she goes--kissing Taissa Turner with everything she's got left, every last scrap of energy--then so be it. Good. It's the path she's been on since she was seventeen years old. The path she never deviated from, even when she tried like hell to stomp the surrounding trees flat.

She clings to Tai, forcing strength into trembling fingertips, her kiss growing ever more desperate. She can't handle this: the soft, the gentle. She can't handle Taissa holding her like she'll shatter. She wants the fire. At last, after twenty-five years, she's earned its wrath.

If this is how she goes, so be it.

She deserves nothing less.

[tangibletechnomancy]

Saw someone earlier say that the popular millennial/early gen Z reaction to AI tech is very comparable to Gen X-ish's reactions to GMOs, and...I can no longer find that post but I can't help but feel that to be true on a lot of levels.

As stated in that post, both technologies have their very legitimate problems - with GMOs, it's Monsanto being fucking evil and trying to monopolize plants and food, or GMO herbicide resistance being used so that major corporate farms can saturate the land with said herbicides without any short-term financial damage to the companies as if it doesn't harm the environment; with AI, it's any form of automation always appealing to the most abusive of corporate greed - but both ended up whipped into a dogmatic fervor about something completely not only irrelevant but made-up and reactionary ("GMOs are all POISON, nature knows best ALWAYS!" - which led semi-directly to the antivaxx movement btw / "it doesn't matter how different it is from the input taking inspiration from existing works the WRONG way is PLAGIARISM, you're rewarding LAZINESS, and REAL ART vs. FAKE ART is totally an objective distinction that can be made and certainly not at all a fascist talking point, and I want art made by HUMANS, the humans running these programs to express something from their human brains don't count!"), completely ignoring that GMOs have reduced world hunger and given us valuable conservation tools, and AI is giving people - real people, not machines - more expressive capacity, serving as a valuable research tool into what kinds of things people tend to associate, justly or otherwise; and even being used to augment human judgment for things such as reviewing biopsy results, finding cancers that otherwise may have gone unnoticed for months or even years longer. In fact, many opponents will full on deny any of these benefits - "what good does reducing hunger do if we haven't eliminated it completely AND we're feeding people POISON? In fact, why should I even believe that really happened in the first place!? if you wanted laypeople to be able to read these studies you wouldn't have made them so complicated, you CLEARLY have something to hide!" the anti-GMO warrior asks; "I don't believe those people who are so severely disabled that they couldn't draw or write without AI REALLY exist, your meditation on the nature of data doesn't COUNT, I don't care how many hours you spent on that piece you're TOTALLY being lazy, and I refuse to believe anyone who points out that it's not a copy-paste machine because you CLEARLY have an AGENDA to lie" the anti-AI reactionary claims. Both hold to a belief that ignorance is a virtue, and even TRYING to understand the Bad Side is tantamount to shoving orphans into a wood chipper.

But I'd take it a step further and say that AI is serving a similar sociopolitical purpose in that it's drawing a line in the sand and asking progressives at a certain stage in life - mostly from the ages of 25-35 - "are you willing to acknowledge nuance around subjects that are new and scary to you, or are you going to give into that fear and treat ignorance as a virtue because there ARE undeniably bad things about this and therefore EVERY bad thing you can imagine about it must be true?" Both serve as, essentially, an acid test - will you declare that it's IMPOSSIBLE to be reckless with GMOs, that Monsanto DESERVES to have sole control over the world's food supply because ~they've done so much good~, or that all GMOs are EVIL POISON and GOING TO KILL US ALL and they're also TOTALLY the reason we're all FAT now which is THE WORST thing a person can be? Or are you going to acknowledge that Monsanto is fucking evil, but GMOs as a whole are a complex thing that can, indeed, be created and marketed in some pretty evil ways, but also have the potential to save countless lives? Will you declare that AI is True Sentient AI, the cyber-utopia becoming real; that everything ChatGPT says must be true and OpenAI is our best friend, or that REAL art by HUMANS is going to be destroyed forever and anyone who benefits from AI is inherently evil? Or will you acknowledge that AI, while it has its drawbacks in the form of corporate overpromising people and compromising information reliability by doing so, on top of the perennial labor issues that come with automation and other potential abuses, also has the capacity to dramatically improve and even potentially save lives? Will you work to save the good WHILE rejecting the bad, or will you insist it needs to be shoved in either the good box or the bad box - probably the bad box, if you're an adult?

The answer, I feel, says a lot about the ideological trajectory someone has chosen for their adulthood.

[mermazeablaze]

I need to vent about my SIL especially after losing my MIL last week. This might be a lengthy post. Because I'm petty, angry & hurt. I need the catharsis of publicly shaming her sans her name.

My SIL grew up spoiled. She wanted for nothing. What she couldn't get from others, she learned to manipulate from them.

My hubs & his brothers had to beg, plead & steal for all they had.

SIL beat the shit out of my husband when he was around 5yrs old so badly with an extension cord - he still has nerve damage in his back.

Anytime she didn't get her way, she took it out on him because he was the youngest at the time.

SIL was a teen mom & there's no shame in that. But she has always been ashamed of being Hispanic.

She would bleach her son's head as a toddler & when he got older forced him to wear blue contacts until he stood up for himself in middle school.

SIL gloats & brags about ruining lives just because she's practiced enough to do it - careers, families, citizenship, etc

When our girls were smaller we gave SIL a chance hoping she had shed her skin. Nope, SIL was still SIL. She used her own nieces to make herself look good - new SOs, new friends & bosses. Once she seemed wholesome enough & secure, she wanted nothing to do with them.

SIL always lives outside of her means. When hubs Gpa was still alive she forced him to pay her mortgage, auto loan & so much more. Meanwhile vacays, cruises, designer clothes, motorcycles, bought her own cabin, etc

When Gpa cut her off, she bled everyone else within her reach, except us, dry & called it a day.

SIL tried buying our three daughters social security cards from us to get her bio father's family into the USA. When we told her no, she called CPS on us.

SIL treated MIL like shit. Which wasn't a surprise. SIL didn't like MIL was one of the few who didn't spoil her during her life. It was everyone else around her who did. & so SIL made it a point to ice out MIL, including keeping her son, MIL's grandson from her.

SIL tried to convince her son that his own son wasn't his just because she didn't like the girl. SIL made this girl's life a living hell. SIL forced him to terminate his parental rights, which he did. A paternity test proved he was his son, but by then the damage was done. The girl ran from that family & didn't look back.

SIL's son married a girl who had a child with someone else, nothing wrong with that. SIL had an issue with that because he was fresh out of HS. They now have a daughter together. SIL's son rarely interacts with her.

When MIL had her stroke that placed her in a long term nursing home - SIL got POA. SIL embezzled what money SSI gave her outside of paying for the home. We knew this would happen, but SIL was the only one capable of being her POA.

We found out one of my BILs was a child predator who preyed on one of our daughters. SIL who could care less about him before all of this - is suddenly his protector. & said despite what he did, he deserves love & his family. Girl, what? 👁️👄👁️

When Gpa died of Alzheimer's. We were not notified despite being very close with him. We had to find out through Google searching his name here & there. It was a few months after his death.

MIL, her stepsister & all of the grandkids were supposed to get an inheritance when Gpa died. Husband never received his. But he didn't want to take SIL to court. He just said, "She can choke on it."

The nursing home kept calling my husband about MIL because they hadn't heard from SIL in weeks, sometimes months. The only person visiting MIL was her husband she was separated from. We couldn't visit her because SIL told the home we couldn't without her permission.

We found out MIL had been diagnosed with uterine cancer while in the nursing home. We found out through one of the phone calls when they couldn't get a hold of SIL.

More phone calls from nursing home because they can't reach SIL to schedule cancer treatments.

Eventually the calls from nursing home said MILs cancer had progressed to the point of hospice because of the lack of consistent medical intervention.

SIL *finally* contacts us & said we can visit MIL before she's moved to hospice.

MIL was never moved to hospice we found this out because one of hubs paternal cousins got a job at the nursing home.

Last week when MIL died we found out because the nursing home contacted us because guess what? They couldn't get ahold of SIL.

SIL didn't even bother to contact us about her death. She posted about the funeral on her FB page. My aunt told me the details because I have SIL blocked, husband doesn't have her blocked.

I was confused about the funeral home being used because it wasn't the one that side of the family uses. So I called them. SIL went cheap - no embalming (not that I agree with it), no viewing, no open casket, just a graveside service.

I also found out MIL would not be buried next to her dad despite having a plot. She was so proud of that plot before being in the nursing home & comforted that she would be next to him. We still don't know if SIL sold the plot before MIL died because of her POA.

We visited MILs grave a few hours after the service (we didn't attend because predator BIL) & found out she was buried next to her mother, aunt & both maternal grandparents. Which made us glad she was at least next to some family.

There was no headstone at her grave. Which we know isn't placed right away. But knowing SILs behavior - we went in person & spoke to the funeral director. SIL did not purchase one, but said she would be back to place one on a payment plan. We told the funeral director that either SIL will ghost her or meetup & not buy one.

We told the funeral director we would purchase the headstone, but to tell SIL there was an 'anonymous donor'.

SIL did come in for the payment plan appointment, but once she heard there was an 'anonymous donor' - the funeral director said, "SIL had her checkbook out & immediately put it back in her purse when she heard there was a donor. She said she'll pay whatever they (us) don't pay."

We're paying for all of it tomorrow. Out of love for MIL, but also BDE & pettiness at this point.

One last thing. SIL used a free obit service, Echovita, which I'm not mad at. But it was a stock obit that ChatGPT wrote. Echovita has that as a feature. I got on Echovita & wrote one my damn self, that was actually personalized.

End Vent

[thathartleykat]

A very lengthy letter before the series' departure.

Hey, everyone, Hartley here.

By June of 2023, it would be my 4th year in the Hilda community, and i'm still in disbelief that i've been active in the community for this long, as well as the animated series is coming to an end tomorrow.

I have been wanting to post this since then, but i've been extremely busy in my life, as well as my personal computer was broken for almost an entire year - hence why my activity in the community also got died down a little bit.

I have a lot of things to say to everyone, from people in the community to the people who worked on the show, as well as the past, present and future, so for the convenience of your reading, i'll divide what i want to say into chapters.

I. About me & how i got into the show ( Trigger warning: Deaths ) I've rarely talked about this to anyone, but... I live by myself, and there's a good chance i might not be around for much longer. It's sort of the reason why i got into Hilda from the first place.

I first found out about Hilda in October 2018 when i was browsing on Tumblr, but never really watched it until May 2019, when a friend of mine gave me a month free subscription of Netflix. I started to go down the list of things i wanted to watch on the platform, and when it came to Hilda, i never thought i would get fixated on the show. Well, guess where we're at now?

I was stunned by the show's colorful vibes, amazing plot writing and how the show built the characters and mythologies, especially how they portrayed the mentality of the children in the show when the kids interact with each other or with adults.

The one thing that i also extremely adore in the show is the relationship between Hilda and Johanna... because it deeply reminds me of my parents when they were still alive. I had a similar life and relationship with them. Every time i see Hilda and her mum together, it always makes me remember about my former childhood life, how kind my parents were to me, and how i wanted to be the adventurous kid that never disappoints them.

I had a pretty good life until my parents got cancer when i was 11 years old - the same age with Hilda in first & possibly second season. Things got worse since then, and they passed away a few years after that.

Now i'm pretty much alone, with a good chance that i might follow them, so if i ever just disappear without telling anything, well... at least i had a good run, i never thought i'd make it this far anyway.

The show had made a significant change on my life, as well as some of my future decisions and helped me through hard times.

It would be an understatement to say this series meant a lot for me.

Because of this, and the feeling of the show doesn't get enough attention that it deserves, i've been dedicating myself for the last few years to help the show and its community thrive.

II. About the animated series Sometimes, i feel really sad that they couldn't have done more for it. - As someone who lives in Vietnam, it's really sad to see the show lacks Vietnamese subtitles and audio language - despite there being a huge number of Netflix users in the country. Due to this, the series basically got hidden from anyone who's watching with their Netflix's interface language set to Vietnamese, which makes the show really hard to be recommended to anyone here. At the same time, many other animated series on the platform have either or both of those. - A lot of merchandise of the franchise has either never saw the day or short-lived. Hilda's GUND plushies only lived for 1.5 years, and by my count, there were 3 Hilda board games that got reported to the news, but never got released. - Hilda video games. The only official Hilda game we ever got was Hilda Creatures, and sadly, the company that made the game went defunct in April 2022, dragging Hilda Creatures along with it. - Netflix. Batch releasing the show and giving it the bare minimum marketing. The same thing happened with Jojo and we all know what happened to its hype. - The mishandling of social media pages, which led to Hilda's Facebook page got hacked for an entire month during May 2023, as well as a lack of interaction posts after season 1 to keep the community up.

I really wish the show got better treatment in a lot of stuff, but at the same time, i'm grateful for the crew's work to get the series this far. One of the directors at one point confirmed that the show got pitched to various networks like Cartoon Network, Disney, Children BBC, Nick... and no one accepted the show until Netflix came along. If Netflix never took the show in, or if it was another network that got it ( which i suspect it'd change the direction of the show by a lot ), where would we be now...?

Though the show will definitely not be reminded by Netflix every now and then as other networks do, but at least it is going out with a bang. Really wish the show would become a sleeper hit at some point in the future.

III. About the community Genuinely, it's one of the most amazing communities i've ever been in. People who are younger, same age, or even parents who are much older than me... I had amazing experiences with all of them. I've made many friends from here, which sometimes makes me wish our community would stay the same like this forever after the series ends.

Honestly, i don't know what else i could say about everyone, other than thanking you guys for making my days within the community, as well as your efforts in making it an amazing place for me and everyone else to stay in.

IV. About the future Well, i've been thinking about it quite a lot.

After the animated series ends, i'll try my best to continue sticking around in the community and do a lot more stuff for it. The franchise will still seem to continue for at least some more time, with the upcoming release of the new prequel Hilda comic series, "Hilda and Twig".

I'd be selfish for saying this, but if the current state of animations improves in the future... I'd want to see Hilda's world return as animation at some point - either following the same blue-haired girl that we all know and love, or just a spin-off from an entirely different character. It's hard to imagine how the worldbuilding we've seen in the last 12 years, where "there's so much we've never seen, so much we don't know" and "there's mystery everywhere you look" would potentially disappear after this... I really hope i would see it again, as well as be around long enough to see it.

As of now, this chapter is about to come to an end. So before it does, i want to say thanks to everyone who has been involved in this show.

Thank you Luke Pearson, the people who made Hilda the series possible, and especially - you. Whether you worked on it or are just simply a fan of the show, you have my sincere gratitude for all the great things that happened to the series in the last 4 years.

This is Hartley, and i hope everyone enjoys Season 3.

[opinated-user]

So apparently, in addition to being extremely abusive and toxic, LO and her rabid stans are also fucking illiterate. As she/they are now claiming that y’all are saying that LOVEBOMBING is the reason that her talking about Mikaila like a dog is a bad thing. Rather than, you know, the infantilization and extreme condescension being what ACTUALLY made that a bad thing!

if the questions marks weren't enough, picture my face constantly going like this while reading this... whatever this is:

i have no idea what is happening here. i literally just said that the way LO worded her post sounded like she was talking about a dog rather than a fully grown adult. in fact, just about in general i don't believe that LO respect MO as a person or as a partner. she can talk about giving her affections and gifts all day, that doesn't mean that she truly sees her as a real human being with their own needs that deserve respect and understanding. since we're talking about "quality time together". LO, you lied to your wife for half a year at least about going through chemotherapy and getting a cancer diagnosis. we both know you're lying about that, but MO supposedly believes that you just decided to hide that information from her for that long because you didn't want to ruin your "wife time" together by having MO react to those news like any human being would. you basically rob her of even the option of reacting at all because you couldn't trust her to being mature about it, despite being a full grown adult. again, we both know that you were fine, but going by your own narrative you basically told your adult wife that you don't trust her to manage her own emotions, and you prefer to openly lie to her, to her face, than to have your fun with her ruined. you not only made it clear that you don't respect her, you won't ever consider her above your own whims. i don't care that MO will say that she's fine with being treated like that or doesn't mind or "understand" why you had to lie to her face, before any of you tries that. that's not a "little bit selfish" like you claimed, that's sick regardless. that's disgusting behavior to have in what is supposed to be a real marriage. that's where the "treating your wife like something lesser" claim comes from and it's reinforced through posts like that one. also, you did groom ginger. nobody here talked about MO but nice try at deflection. ginger was a minor when you let her practically offer herself to you in the form of open flirting and accepting of lewd naked art from her. she was 15 while you were 23 and then you dated her the moment her age wasn't an obstacle. just like a groomer would. i'll keep repeating that and keep shoving my evidence everytime chance you give me, LO. continue to give me more excuses and i'll make sure nobody forgets about those posts.

[deathsbestgirl]

christmas carol/emily + melissa's phone calls + scully's dreams

so. something i love about this episode is the way scully hears melissa. i don't think we have a reason to believe it is anyone else. scully saw her father's ghost before she even got the call. when she was in a coma, he came to her. she could feel & hear nurse owens taking care of her, helping her hold on. she had the strength of mulder's beliefs to come back.

scully doesn't say it at first, but she recognized melissa's voice immediately. the thought doesn't fit with her worldview but the voice won't tell her who they are.

the first call, she's alone in bill's house. the others having just gone upstairs. later that night, she has the first dream & the second call (again, when she is alone):

personally i think these are memories. they may not be 100% what happened. this 100% has to do with melissa's call & the little girl scully saw. instantly, she recognizes how much she looks like melissa as a child. scully couldn't take her eyes off of her, until kresge closed the door cutting off her view.

emily appears in the basement after little dana finds her rabbit dead. i think the one who really found her was melissa. scully is putting the pieces together. i think this is a reason she starts to research emily's background, and when she finds emily was adopted, her logic assumes melissa must be her biological mother.

i believe scully is psychic. but i don't necessarily think of it the way people typically think of psychic abilities. both scully & mulder have a gift for recognizing patterns, storing away information in their brain that they're able to pull out when they recognize something. it isn't always conscious, because sometimes that's just how our brains work. there's something within us that recognizes it and until we have more pieces, we can't consciously put it together. like mulder's dream in paper hearts. when scully quotes mulder back to himself "dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask" and this episode is a culmination of that. when mulder was thought dead at the end of season two, melissa wanted her to go into her memories & figure out what happened to her during her abduction. she runs away & can't face it. scully has a dream about mulder and she believes he's alive, that he was somehow reaching out to her. in paper hearts, mulder never let go of that case. he didn't get the definitive proof that they found all the girls and every one of them deserved justice and their families deserved answers & closure.

now, scully's hearing melissa's voice and she's bringing her to this little girl. she almost calls mulder, because she believes it's melissa. she believes she's meant to find this little girl. she's terrified of what this means, and part of her definitely knows it has to do with her abduction, like her cancer did. but she isn't there yet. and so, she tries to adopt emily. because that's melissa's daughter, and she needs a family & someone to love her and scully already does. she thinks melissa wants her to. and then she finds out emily is actually her biological daughter. that's when she finally does call mulder, because now what's coming, she isn't prepared for in any way. she doesn't know, but part of her does.

her next dream is the only true abstract dream she has (until the beginning of emily), the others are very straightforward. a memory and a connection to emily. this one causes scully to suspect mr. sim of killing his wife. this one isn't a memory, but it's scully putting together pieces unconsciously, that will lead to conscious answers. it wasn't mr. sim, but there's a connection she hasn't yet found. her true connection to emily, the connection to the government conspiracy they're constantly tangled in.

i also think it's actually a way of mr. sim showing scully the truth. bringing little dana to see emily's adoptive mother, and passing the responsibility to her to be emily's mother & protector, because they won't be able to.

in the next dream, melissa & scully are checking out their gifts under the christmas tree. maggie comes out and lets them both open one, it's their cross necklaces. (again a memory, but maybe not completely accurate because maggie scully tells mulder she gives scully the cross necklace for her birthday)

then we see scully putting emily on a car. emily is transfixed by her cross necklace. emily wasn't in this dream, but it seems like a clear sign to me & it's one reason scully puts the cross around emily's neck. it's a symbol to scully of her family, and belief. we see emily holding the necklace, looking wide-eyed back at scully as the car drives away.

this dream of scully's, the one i think is the full reality of the memory, she talks to melissa about her choices and how ahab feels about it and what feels right to her and how it's not fate, it's choices. i love this conversation because i actually think they have the same viewpoint, but they talk about it differently. this is something melissa understands that scully can't quite see (mostly because she fights most belief with skepticism as a form of protection). (to me, this also lends itself perfectly to what happened in the field where i died. even if scully knew for certain, she wouldn't change anything. she would make the same choices. because they were always her choices.)

i also think this lines up beautifully with what mulder says at the end of emily.

he feared what emily was created for, but she's just a little girl and he loves every child. especially a little scully girl. they didn't save emily's life in the way they hoped, but they saved her. she died with scully next to her, scully's cross around her neck, surrounded by love.

i also love "she found me" so much. melissa lead scully to emily, because emily was reaching out to her. emily instantly loved scully, the way scully instantly loved her.

at the end, all she's left with is her cross, like her dream at beginning + scully's voiceover tells us.

but scully isn't as alone as she feels. mulder is always there. he was there with her every step of the way once she called him, what she allowed him to be there for. and he always will be. he fought hard for both scully & emily, he held nothing back. until scully said she wouldn't put emily through what a "cure" entails. they've already used a "miracle cure" on scully and they haven't yet learned all the consequences of that. but with the way everything has gone, something in both of them suspects there's more to come of scully's abduction. they're constantly waiting for the next landslide to sweep them off their feet.

this is the only dream in emily, because she has the pieces and she has mulder to help her put it together. there's also only one phone call she received, and melissa doesn't speak this time. the only time she isn't alone, the only time mulder is there. the phone calls were specifically for scully, and mulder is going to help finish what scully started so she can focus on caring for emily & being there for her.

[missbaphomet]

Replies won't let me type the full response so here

@thefalse first of all, there's more to meat/dairy consumption than "it tastes good". There are health issues that necessitate eating meat and animal products, and they provide vital vitamins, minerals, and proteins. Your body will specifically even give you cravings for food high in these nutrients when you're in need. Secondly humans are omnivores, our healthiest diets consist of meat AND plant. Livestock also consumes a huge percentage of food waste that humans, including vegans, can't or won't eat. This can be "ugly" food, food too close to expiration, food you can't keep overnight like baked goods. 30% of the diet of that pork chop that I had last Tuesday was food people threw away. Only 36% of food (by calorie) grown globally is eaten by livestock, 55% makes it onto the plate of a human. 9% goes to biofuels.

If you're as worried about resource scarcity as you claim maybe start trying for renewable resources??? The problem isn't "oh wow animals are so bad for the environment", the problem is "companies and corporations are doing bad things for more money and they're only getting worse." You can stop eating milk and honey all you want, but that's not doing literally anything towards what you claim to be advocating for. We can develop new ways to farm that are sustainable and renewable but we can't unfuck the environment with a simple "just don't buy meat lol". It's infinitely more complex than that.

Did you know it's illegal to harvest seeds you got from a tomato at your local Walmart and cultivate them for yourself? That is assuming the plant hasn't been rendered sterile to enforce reliance on whatever company sells the seeds. I personally think that's a bit more fucked up than having a grilled cheese every so often.

Also no one is arguing animal abuse is good, but it's pretty common knowledge that if you abuse your livestock, it reflects negatively in the product. Put simply: animals that are abused then slaughtered for meat make shitty meat. Is there some sketchy shit happening in factory farming? Abso-fucking-lutely. Many livestock animals live on the bare minimum. I absolutely think that livestock should have good lives. Obviously not every cow and pig and chicken can be raised with the same quality of life as a champion show poodle, but they absolutely deserve a nice pasture and good scratch and a warm, comfortable shelter.

You know who provides these things? Local farmers or even just hobbyists. I have several family friends that raise chickens, and we get more eggs than we could ever hope to reasonably eat as a family of four. If you don't eat the egg, toss it back to the chicken! She will happily eat her eggs because they're nutritional and make a damn fine meal. My family also has connections to a family owned cattle farm, and we split a cow up the middle every year, and did for almost 20 years before the owner got cancer and stopped selling beef to focus on his health, and it was damn good beef too. Pigs aren't prominent in my area, but I'm sure I could find one semi-locally. My DM keeps bees and my family went from basically never using honey to buying it by the pint. I think the only thing that my family buys from the store that we couldn't get anywhere else is milk and cheese because pasteurization and cheese making is a huge expensive process that isn't really reasonable to maintain for just a small family.

Ultimately the argument of "but animal abuse" boils down to factory farming, but the solution then becomes just don't buy meat and other products from factory farms.

[wytfut]

One colorful dude... at minimum

Couple of weeks ago, I got hit from all sides with all sorts of Matt Martinoskyisms.....

I'm guessing Matt maybe thinking I'm some sort of groupie, and that's actually quite funny. No... I'm just overly impressed with this guy. Sometimes I get a bit giddy about all of Matt's world.

The seed was planted in my itty bitty head. I thought itd work itself over to an earworm,... It didn't, something malleable, to work with. Matts image was just sitting there glaring at me. Forced me to write with no plan today, right now....

Here's how it went:

Watching tv, and they had a blip about Matt being interviewed (again) for his job/services to the homeless of Lincoln. Its not common, but I'm not overly surprised anymore when it happens. Has happened more than a couple of times.

And dammit,.... its all deserving. He's good at it. The city of Lincoln and some organizations have awarded him with some remarkable recognitions. He works hand in hand with several agencies including Lincoln Police Dept.

If you know Matt, you'll know that he has an advantage, that is not exactly the common man. Flowing red hill billy beard, tattoo'd sleeves, and who knows what else. Matt is a free flowing spirited person... and it works for him very well.

This gets him on the insiders scoop with the "shelterless" (as the new term is used). He's not just some suit fresh out of the office trying to push his way into someones life. He's recognized as the real deal, and means what he says.

I looked hard, for the tv interview, texted his dad.... couldn't find it, until about 30 minutes later. Got my Matt fix, and life was good.

With in the next 24 hours fate pounded me with Matt.

I keep checking his youtube site, but nothing new on there, its great and entertaining but older. All from his artistic point of view. (I love sending one of his videos to friends). https://youtu.be/lA9CTpYSBkk?si=lSoFYaAwLzhNsFXo

This brought up thru a search by accident, he just released some music on "bandcamp.com". Several originals, and several covers. As he ages, his voice is fitting him perfect. Incredible voice. This was all done in december/november?? No idea, I just tripped across it. https://mattmartinosky.bandcamp.com/album/red-headed-stranger

And with Matts touch.... all proceeds go to someone else than himself.

He's got some music on his youtube channel.... earlier stuff, but this new stuff is a treat. www.youtube.com/@mmartinosky

Then there he was on a podcast. Its a couple local of guys. Very good with what they do here. Matt told of his history. Its not pretty or glorified. Makes me wonder how a person goes thru all that and becomes what he is today. https://youtu.be/FwIPM52ZD3s?si=VgQeD_zojfScDtWS

Alright.... everyone caught up to here? Got an idea what this guy is all about? I doubt it, he's all over the place.

There's other things he's into..... Motorcycling (did a tour on some vintage bikes a few years ago with his wife [she on her own]), old mechanical things, etc.

Now put all that in a bag, and hold on to it....

Matt has been battling cancer for a couple of years now. All the big scary words of treatment. Good times, bad times..... it just continues, and so does Matt. HOW?

He makes all of it look natural, as everything is just a common everyday movement of life. Small hic ups. No problem.

Does this guy ever sit still???

..............

I've known Matt most of his life. His Pop and I are best of friends (LTT employees). This doesn't give me insiders info on Matt, it just means I do know him. That we can have a fair conversation between us without being too uncomfortable. Surprises me that he'd take the time to have a conversation with a geezer like me anyway.

BUT......

He inspires me to be a better person. To quit whining about trivial stuff. To celebrate life and its randomness. To take on with no regrets formidable foes.

Sorry Matt... had to do it. Please don't stop what you are doing, not sure there is anyone out there that can do all of that, and well.