#can't wait to see them all dried out and in the sun tomorrow!

[tetedurfarm]

BONSOIR

[myers-meadow]

Palace life: A! Astarion x Tav drabble

Title: Palace life

Pairing: Ascended Astarion x Tav (unnamed)

Summary: A year after the reunion party, you've settled into life at the old Szarr palace, and into your role as the Vampire Lord's dear consort. A small vignette into my Tav's life past the game end.

Warnings: Ascended Astarion himself. Blood drinking.

Word count: 530-ish

Please be kind, this is my first attempt at writing Ascended Astarion, and perhaps even Astarion altogther. divider by @/saradika-graphics

The sunlight of the day fades, leaving the sky orange, with the deepest blue overhead. About time you return to the palace.

Astarion is waiting for you in the dining hall he favours, surrounded by corpses, two spawn and some half-dead poor sod. Hunger gnaws at you by the sight of him and those red droplets that have since dried on his skin.

"Love, there you are," Astarion coos. His spawn eye him, weary at his honey-sweet tone. "You've been out for a while, haven't you?"

There's a hint of something underneath his sweet tone, but you don't mind it. He's still your love, your world. He pats the chaise lounge he's sitting on and you sit down next to him. With a soft smile, you reach out to play with his curls.

"I was soaking in the sun. It feels like the warmth is still there."

He eyes you lazily, like a cat, taking in all of you, every detail of your appearance. "Will you go out again tomorrow? I'll join you." He leans up to drape himself over you, sitting in your lap sideways. "I've been inside for too long these past few weeks." His arms come to rest around your neck, pulling you in for a kiss. "You're still warm from the sun, too. Gods, you gorgeous thing... Have I missed anything while you were out?"

"The sunset was breathtaking..." You reply, the softness of his curls underneath your fingers soothing you. "I fed some stray cats, you know I just can't resist." You take a breath to steel yourself. "And I ran into Karlach and Wyll. They're back for a visit to the city."

"Ah. Are they still hunting the demons of Avernus?" His laugh is all teeth, and little joy. Karlach's words after his ascension play in your head. It seems he's not let go of them entirely either.

"It's been a year since the reunion party," You shift on the sofa, settling under Astarion's weight more comfortably, "it's making me nostalgic. I'd love to see everyone again."

Astarion scoffs. "Sure, let them come here this time. Let them see us."

You smile softly, leaning into his body, head on his shoulder. You fit against him just so perfectly.

His sharp nail caresses your cheek. "You must be hungry, pet. I saved you some." He leans down and grabs the barely conscious man by his feet by the neck, presenting him to you. "Have a drink. Indulge."

You'll never disobey him, you thought to yourself, as you finally sate that painful hunger. It'll return, all too soon, as you wipe your mouth, leaning back, tipping your head back, and laughing. The delirium of blood settles, making you giddy. Astarion settles over you, moving himself to your lap fully, you look at him, lazy and full.

"You look so good like this, darling," his eyes are similarly heavy-lidded. "Would you mind if I have a last taste of the man?" And he leans down for a deep, wet kiss, not waiting for an answer. From the corner of your eye, his spawn look on, with something akin to jealousy brewing in their gaze.

[torn-slander]

so my partner and I had started an rp that ran through the events of the third game (mostly to slow shit down lmfao) but dropped it because autism has a realllyyy hard time "straying from canon" even for a fun little rp lmfao and it was stressing me out too much to like make sure every little cutscene got into our rp when it needed to lmfao

BUT my partner, they know about J&D and they've watched me play the games (they can't play personally because their eye sight is really bad and can't see the screen well enough to play), and I've been going on about lore and blah blah

FOR REAL THO my partner's Daxter (they rped Daxter, I rped Jak, and we were gonna split the rest of the cast when we got to them), I LOVE THEIR DAXTER SO MUCH AUGH

For context this was their response to my starter which was deadass just the duo getting a place to live in Spargus (in my headcanon it's the last house right on the beach towards the right over looking the ocean lmfao), and Jak had walked into the house, and then immediately right back out to look at the water

Dax paced around inside. The abode was sparsely furnished, the bed carved out of the bedrock. The whole house seemed to be in an adobe style. The finger prints forever dried of the men and women of Spargus that had built it. There was a small kitchen just right of the entrance, the stove was topped with a large flat stone that was always hot to the touch. Magma fed heat was apparently a thing here in Spargus. It truly is the little details that make a get away worth while. On the left was the… generously named bedroom. The area devoid of any furniture save the built in bed and a nook built into the walls. Finally towards the back was an archway that led to the bathroom. The water was pump fed. There was a reservoir in the kitchen that could be filled during storms, and a well in the center of town that water could be brought in by. There was a toilet, and a wet bath shower head. on the floor was a beautifully designed tile mosaic. Dax glanced over to the door his companion had entered and then promptly exited through. A tight knot forming in the small rodents gut. The city's betrayal stung for him, and he hadn't been directly and fundamentally altered. This time. He could only imagine what Jak was feeling right now. The bitter taste left by Ashelin and that jackass of a councilman made him want to spit. Looking around the place he found an old crusty rag and fanned it out. clearing off some of the dust that had collected since the last occupant had err… taken a beach vacation. Only the beach has no water and is hotter than the inside of a Yakow in summer. He sighed and squeezed the rag in his paw, unsure of this new place. This Damas guy, sure had saved them. But now they had to owe this place their lives? what sort of bad deal did that make? On top of all that, that stupid birdseed for brains had up all but abandoned the pair. Sitting pretty on some weird sun baked king's shoulder like some poser. He swallowed his distaste and focused on cleaning up a bit when Jak reentered the hut. He smiled to his friend, a big goofy grin. "Welcome Jak to our seaside getaway. Where do you wanna put the hot tub?" He asked in a joking tone, scurrying over onto the counter closer to his pal. "Look it's rough now, but just wait until we settle in. This is going to be the best bachelor pad. Better than the Naughty Ottsel. Promise." His words felt hollow on his lips but he hoped that maybe they'd come true. He stretched and yawned. "ya know. riding leaper lizards All over the precursor's green planet, sure does wipe a fella out. lets test out that mattress and figure things out tomorrow." He leapt off the counter, bounding towards the bed area, "Last one in's a Hip Hog berry!"

[ichigoromi]

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 | 𝐆𝐨𝐣𝐨 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐮 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 | 𝐉𝐮𝐣𝐮𝐭𝐬𝐮 𝐊𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧🔞🔞🔞

Gojo Satoru is one sexy man. His arrogance may be annoying, but I must say a confident man is sure charming.

I don't normally write 🔞headcanon because my page is normally a fluff blog with a tiny bit of angst, but I want to try something new once in a while.

This is going to be a 🔞headcanon, so I'm going to bold my warnings.

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x fem reader (using she/her pronouns)

WARNING (S): SUGGESTIVE LANGUAGE, MINORS DNI, CONSENSUAL UNPROTECTED SEX, LOTS OF HORNY GOJO, I WARN THE MINORS OF MY PAGE, DO NOT INTERACT. M18. SOME FLUFF. SMUT.

Okay, 18 and above, please proceed.

Gojo Satoru

It was meant to be only a one night stand.

But this little steamy rendezvous between you and Satoru has been ongoing for a little too long, like maybe a few years?

You two were perfect for each other, just looking to fill each other needs and no commitments.

Only Shoko knows about you two because she accidentally walked in on Satoru going down on you in the infirmary.

You were mostly out for missions, but when you are in town, you are in Satoru's apartment or his room whenever you two are free.

Using the spare time you two have, you guys go at it for hours.

When you are gone for a little too long, the sex usually is better because he is more desperate and hornier.

The higher-ups were suspicious that you and Satoru have a relationship, so they send you away for overseas missions for three months.

Oh, those three months were agonising for Satoru the most, somehow, he got addicted to you, and other girls just don't satisfy him anymore.

Plus, you make delicious desserts that he can't get enough other you.

It was not easy for you, but you two would facetime or call whenever you can and have phone sex or facetime sex.

Shoko was there to pick you up when you came back from your missions early.

She sends you to the hospital to collect your birth controls since you ran out, so she booked you an appointment for you.

It was rather quick since you are going to get a refill of your previous prescription.

Once you are done, you two head back to Jujutsu High.

You went and report back to the higher-ups about your missions and submitted all the written reports.

After you finished the administrative matters, you went to take a shower in Satoru's room and head down to the kitchen to make a strawberry shortcake.

When Satoru is back from his mission, he noticed that a certain blue shirt from his closet is gone, and the familiar flora scent is back.

He took a shower and head down to the kitchen, and there you were.

Making desserts looking like a whole 8-course meal.

He swiftly makes his way to you and wraps his arms around you from behind.

You almost drop it but set it down so you can properly greet him with a kiss.

That kiss leads to a full-blown makeout session on the kitchen counter.

You had to pull away from him so that you could put the cake in the fridge to chill so that you two can enjoy it later. You put a note on the cover to inform them to not touch it.

After that, Satoru carried you back to his room to take that sweet body of yours that he missed dearly.

He couldn't even reach the bed, and you two starts kissing, with him pinning you on the door.

Satoru easily slips his tongue into your mouth and playfully sucks while you were getting really horny.

He loves your whines and your moans. It's like music to his ears.

You palm his bulge through his sweats, and he moans in your ear, and you sneakily slip your hand into his underwear, man. You defeated the poor man.

He humps into your tiny hand, forcefully took out your hand, and rips off the blue dress shirt you were wearing.

You wore matching black lace lingerie and officially broke Gojo Satoru.

He expertly unhooks your bra and yeet that shit away. Satoru dives down to your plump bosom and sucks your nipples depends on it.

Sensing that you were getting a little uncomfortable in the position, he carried you to his bed, and that is where the real fun starts.

You slip out of your panty with his help, and man, he is hungry for some pussy juice.

He sucked the soul out of you and did not waste a single drop.

You had to return the favour.

Grabbing one of the hair ties by the bedside table, you wrapped your hair in a bun and went down on him. It starts with slow strokes and deep sucking; oh, he loves deep throating you until you choke on his cum.

Satoru was going to do you until the sun rises.

He was leaving no mercy for you, and you almost choke on his cum, but you manage to breathe.

Satoru pin you down and slides into your wet ass pussy, and both of you moan in bliss when he enters you.

He is pistoning in and out of you like a machine gun, but when he was about to pull out, you told him to cum in you.

Babe, he is not done with one round. Bless your legs and your pussy tomorrow.

You and Satoru went on it for hours, non-stop coming, and you couldn't stop yourself; you want to go over your limit.

For the last round, he let you ride on top, and you were giving your all, and he too was looking forward to marking you and overstimulate you.

While you riding him, you felt him sucking on your skin, marking you all over, but you couldn't care less; now, it's about you and him. Who cares about little love bites?

After you two are done, Satoru pulls out and carries you to the bathroom so you can wash up first, and he can put on new sheets.

You run a warm bath, cleaning all the fresh cum and dried cum off your body and massaging your sore muscles as well. That was one intense workout.

After cleaning up yourself, you head to the bed, where the bed was cleaned already. You head to bed first while Satoru goes to wash up too.

Satoru immediately cuddles you after he cleans up, and you two fall into a deep slumber.

Gojo felt two tiny hands squished his cheeks together, and he opened his eyes slightly to find the adorable and sexy friend of his pouting at him.

The shirt that he lends her was sliding off her shoulder, revealing her collarbone marked by him. Then he smirks, remembering last night.

"You idiot! I'm going to kill you!" You grab his collar and starts shaking him.

"Doesn't it look pretty?" He smirks smugly at you, and you almost strangled him.

"PRETTY?! GOJO! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

...

Shoko held in her laughter as you and Gojo enter the conference room at the same time. You sat down beside her, and she smirks at the turtleneck that you are wearing.

The Kyoto counterpart were all there, and it was a surprise to them to see you coming in with Gojo. You two were known for being not having the best relationship since you guys were teenagers.

You fanned yourself slightly since the weather wasn't the coolest, and Shoko gawked at the love bites.

"Damn, you two went hard last night, huh?" She commented, and you glared at Gojo, who just smiled widely at you.

You focus on the meeting, and everything went smoothly until Gojo decided to display some affection openly.

He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you close to you as you two made your way to the cafeteria. Obviously, nobody expected that, and then they noticed the love bites on your neck when Gojo pulls down your turtleneck.

"Can you stop? These are going to last for months on my beautiful, flawless skin! Months I say!" You frowned, and he leaned his chin on your shoulders as he hugs you from the back.

"Hmm, should we start dating? We have been together for three years already; shouldn't we be counted as boyfriend and girlfriend?" He asked you, and you turn around to face him.

"Eh? Are you asking me out? The mighty Gojo Satoru is asking me out?" You pull on his cheeks, and he pulls down his blindfold so that you can see his eyes.

Those very eyes that you hate and love.

"Hmm, I have to think about it. See you!" You pecked his lips and ran off.

"Think about it? I have been waiting for three years, and you still want me to wait? Oi, come back, baby!"

Oh my gosh! I still can't believe I wrote smut... I mean, I'm legal but why does it feel so illegal? I hope you guys had fun reading this headcanon! Thank you for reading!

Stay safe and healthy!

With love,

Rosalie🍓

[books-and-catears]

Okay so I've been thinking of writing this for a while now. (Spoiler alert for chapter 16-20)

After MC is brought back to life, everyone approaches them as Lilith. And everyone seems to be all over them as if they weren't just almost killed by Belphie.

So MC feels uncomfortable over this whole thing. Not only do they feel like a replacement for Lilith but they can't even tell anyone about the trauma of almost dying cause they are demons, they can't possibly sympathize with human fragility. Well maybe one of them can.

The only brother who didn't know Lilith firsthand. The only brother who has spent centuries studying humans and reading all about their emotions.

Satan.

Tags: Angst, Hurt, Comfort

Only You

GN! Reader X Satan

"Ah MC...It seems you have only a week more left in Devildom." Lucifer announced in the middle of breakfast.

Everyone paused and stared blankly. Even Beel stopped chewing and put down his sandwich. You smiled, "Ah I was guessing it might be. Thank you for confirming, Lucifer."

One more week and then you could stop pretending to be okay. One more week of being Lilith. One more week of holding in your trauma. You smiled at the thought of being free of it all.

Everyone around looked dejected. Mammon was the first to break the silence, "Oi! You both are kidding right?!" Lucifer shook his head sternly.

"Ah how unfair! It seems only yesterday we met MC!" Asmo piped in.

"B-but we have so many animes left to finish in our watchlist, MC! And so many games we're still waiting for release!" Levi whined.

"So we can not have MC's cooking anymore?" Beel asked sadly.

"I barely got enough time with them! And you all are complaining?!" Belphie said, annoyed.

Satan was still silent. You looked at him only to find him staring right at you. You blush and look down, picking at your food. No matter how many times he did that, you still couldn't get used to it.

"You must have missed home a lot MC. Happy to go back?" Satan asked softly into your ear. You nodded slightly.

Then you felt your chest tighten. You did want to leave but that would mean no more Satan. You wanted to open up to him. If there was anyone among the brother's who could understand you - it was him.

After breakfast was over you stopped everyone before they left for class.

"Um..since it's my last week here, I have a request on how I want to spend it." You announced. All the brothers nodded and stared attentively.

"I will spend one whole day with each of you individually. And the order will be Beel, Belphie, Lucifer, Mammon, Levi, Asmo and Satan. Is everyone okay with this?"

Everyone shared confused glances at the sudden statement but obliged never the less.

The rest of the week flashed by and soon it was your last day. Satan's day.

You woke up early that day, already prepping his parting gift. A bookmark made of dried flowers, with two petals on top shaped like cat ears, inside your favourite book from the human world.

"MC? Are you awake?" Satan called out, after knocking on the door.

You were still dressed in your flimsy pajamas but who cares? You ever going to leave tomorrow anyway. You put on some cat ears and called out, "Come in Satan!"

"Good morning MC, I think you'll like what I've planned for-" Satan stopped in mid speech. His eyes widening at the attire that did a fine job of wrapping around your body seductively.

"Good morning...sorry I was too busy to freshen up haha.." You apologize. "Wait for me here, it'll only take me a few minutes."

Satan nodded, hiding his blush behind his golden locks falling all over his cheeks as he lowered his head. You sighed. How was he so beautiful early morning?

Satan held out his arm like the gentleman he was as you prepared to leave for your date. "Take my arm, MC. We have lots of places to be."

You chuckled and did as told. "I can hardly wait."

You spent the day as if you were in a Romance novel. Cat Cafe, the bookstore, walking in the park watching the setting sun, holding hands. Satan really knew the ways to your heart.

After the sun set, you returned to the house of Lamentation.

"Would you like to come to my room later? We could read your favourite book together one last time before you leave?" Satan requested, his fingers still interlocked with yours.

"Yes..." You nodded, "I was going to ask you the same..."

"I'll be waiting." Satan said, walking you to your room and reluctantly letting go.

After dinner when everyone was asleep, you sneaked into his room. He was wide awake, waiting. He was sitting in his bed in only his black t-shirt and jeans, reading a book. The room was dark with only candles providing enough light to read. He looked up when you called for him softly.

"Satan I'm here...sorry for making you wait.." You said sheepishly.

His eyes lit up and he held out his hand for you to take. "Come sit with me."

You joined him on the bed. He swiftly put an arm around you, holding you snug against him. You could smell his scent and feel his breath on your cheek.

"I got something for you. It's not much but.." You handed Satan your gift.

"A gift? For me?" Satan saw the cover of the book and flipped to where the bookmark was. "That's... beautiful. Thank you MC I can't believe you'd- wait what's this?"

He fished out a long strip of stray paper in the middle of the pages beside the bookmark.

You remembered what it was and tried to snatch it away. How did this even get in there?! What the hell?! "IT'S NOTHING!", You scream

Satan smirked as he held it beyond your reach and started reading it. "A poem for Satan? That doesn't seem like nothing MC."

You tried getting up to gain better access to snatch the paper from him. "DON'T READ IT I SWEAR IT'S NOT SOMETHING SERIOUS. I WAS JUST BEING SILLY!"

Satan tightened his grip on your waist and started reading it out loud to your utter humiliation. You struggled in his grip, gave up and hid your face instead. He stopped midway.

"You read it to me." He demanded.

"Like hell I will!" You rebutted.

"Please." He splayed out his fingers on your back holding you close. His locks tickling your nose.

"N-no. It's embarrassing. I can't-" You started but he looked so dejected you gave in. "Fine but you have to look away from me."

Satan swiftly turned his face away and nodded. You cleared your throat nervously and started.

"Dear blonde boy with the sea in his eyes,

I'll be gone soon, so I'm done with the lies,

I've liked you for a long long time,

But it's too late to impose now, so I guess it's fine?"

"You see me for me, like I see you for you,

Everyone else, they just put me in her shoes,

But these shoes don't fit, they're not mine

And I'm sick of having to toe this line."

"But with you, I'm better, I'm more like myself,

And I can't thank you enough for all your help,

For your kindness, smiles and touch,

You always save me when it gets too much."

You stop. The next part of the poem feels like oversharing. Maybe you should have talked to him about this first. He squeezes your arm, asking you to continue.

"Satan I should explain this-"

"I know. I've known this for a while. But I want to hear this first please continue."

Shakily, you continued.

"I feel his fingers on my throat, unforgiving and unkind,

Help it's getting dark...am I going blind?

I let out a tiny scream with whatever voice I have left,

You're the only one here who didn't turn deaf."

"So replace his touch with yours, with your fingers so gentle and nice,

Hold me, warm me, I feel as cold as ice,

I wish I was a kitten, in your care,

You may be full of wrath, but I was never scared."

"But I'll be gone soon, I don't want to return,

But for you my bookworm, my heart will yearn,

Blonde boy with eyes of sea,

One last time, will you kiss me?"

You had barely finished when Satan spun around and cupped your face. He peppered some kisses on your lips, going upto your ear. He nipped at your earlobe and you let out a soft gasp. His face felt warm and flushed.

He placed his head against yours and sighed. "I can't get enough of you. How do I hold myself back when you're showering me with this much love and that too so beautifully?"

He wrapped his arms around you protectively. You instinctively buried your face in his chest and put your arms around his torso.

"You don't need to hold back..." You whisper.

Satan stiffens. "MC, you don't know what you're asking for."

You hold him tighter, lifting your head you place kisses on his jaw and nibble on his shoulder. "I know."

"Then I won't hold back any longer" He says, slowly pushing you down against his pillows.

He reached down and removed your slippers off your feet. "A part of me suspected you might feel this way. But you're not Lilith. You never will be and you don't have to pretend to be. You're MC. And that's all you need to be."

You looked away, outside at the moon. "Tell me honestly...if I didn't have Lilith's bloodline, would you all care the same way?"

Satan held your chin and turned your face towards him. He may never have been an angel but awash in this silvery moonlight, he certainly looked like one.

"Remember when I told you how much I hated being a part of Lucifer? And you told me that I'm my own person. You told me there was more to me than my wrath."

"Of course." You reached out to hold his face. "You're the smartest demon I know. And your love for cats and literature is unparalleled."

"Well then you're the only human who has swayed my heart. The human so strong and capable enough to bring a semblance for harmony to a dysfunctional family of demons." He smiled gently, running his fingers in your hair.

You felt warm inside. Atleast there was someone who liked you for you. You were so happy you could cry.

"As for what Belphie did, I made sure you never really alone with him." Satan said, now intertwining his fingers with yours. You give him a questioning glance.

"Remember the book of defense spells I gave you? I cast one on you whenever he's in the vicinity. It will render him useless if he dare attack you." He said, matter of factly.

"You knew...? But I never told anyone." You said, confused.

"I know. You held it in for our sake didn't you? You repressed it so much. I can't imagine what kind of hurt you went through." Satan's fingers tightened around yours.

"But one night, you fell asleep in the library. I went to put a blanket on you when I heard you mumbling for help. You kept saying it hurts and you can't breathe. And then you said Belphie's name and asked him to stop hurting you."

"I was so furious I rushed straight to the twins room. I was going to yank Belphie out of bed and renact what he did to you. But Beel woke up and stopped me. I told everyone in the morning before Belphie woke up. You've never been alone with Belphie ever since. One of us always stayed nearby."

You listened in utter shock. "You...you were protecting me all this time?"

Satan nodded, "Well I can't take all the credit. My brother's helped too. But just know that you're not a replacement for Lilith. And Belphie's an ass who doesn't know how to apologize. I'm sorry you had to go through that alone. I know it's your last night here, MC... so I'll make this one worth remembering."

You smiled and pulled Satan towards you for a kiss. "I'm glad I saved the best for last."

[ack3rlady]

The Universe Had His Back - Chapter 5

Sunrise

Summary: The aftermath of the breathtaking encounter between reader and Levi when true feelings are revealed

Chapters: Four | Five | Six

Master List

Warnings: Fem! Reader, Angst, Fluff, Modern AU, Reference to alcohol abuse, slight swearing.

Word Count: ~ 2.5k

Inspiration: Starry Night - Suho

Tags: @sooibian, @queenofcurse, @red-n-tall ; Anyone else who'd like to be tagged, please let me know!

You accepted Levi’s offer to drive you home, a decision you would come to regret the moment the car was in motion. The journey was quiet, with you mostly looking out of the window as he drove. Your greed for more time with him that you didn’t account for how dejected you would go on to feel once the adrenaline dried out. You hadn't exactly ended things with him on amicable terms. The ride home in his company just added salt to the unhealed wounds. Levi turned his head towards you several times like he wanted to say something, but didn't.

“How’s Luna?”, your words finally cut through the silence, voice low and shaky.

“She’s fine. Isabel stayed at home with her today.”, he responded, eyes focused on the road.

Then it was quiet again. It took all the strength to bottle up the multitude of emotions building up within you that were burning to be expressed. So, you decided to focus your attention on the row of lush green trees along the sidewalk, whirring past you.

Levi quelled his desire to lay his hand on yours more than once; intertwining your fingers snugly together while you ran soothing circles on the back of his palm - something he always did while driving with you by his side.

‘Old habits die hard’, he thought. Neither of you uttered a word again till your apartment building was around the corner. You sat glued to your seat, unmoving even after he parked.

“You know that you could just come see her, right? She asks about you every day.”, Levi’s gaze was still fixed on the car parked in front of his own, his voice barely audible.

You sighed, feeling ashamed for depriving your own baby of your presence.

“I’m not ready. What if I can't keep it together in front of her? I need to get better before she sees me.” you despaired, looking down at your feet, too afraid of the effect on Luna if she saw you like this.

“I’m going to be right there with you. And how do you expect to get any better if you deny yourself the exact person who is capable of making you feel so?”, Levi turned in his seat to face you, placing a firm hand on your shoulder.

He was right. Of course, Luna was the only one who could pull you out of this abyss. Why had you been running away from her this whole time?

“C-Can I come see her after work tomorrow?”, you squeaked.

“You don’t have to ask. We’ll both be waiting for you.”, he whispered moving his hand to rest on top of yours.

You finally mustered up the courage to look towards him. He wore the same smile on his face that you had been in love with for the last eight years; the exact one that always assured you that everything was going to be okay.

.

Reader’s POV

You entered your apartment and laid the shopping bags on the counter. Taking off your shoes, you placed them neatly on the rack by the door, taking a little step towards keeping the word you gave Miche this morning. It was late in the evening; the Sun having just set. You glanced around your gloomy apartment, at the dark shadows and how even the brightest colored paints and fabrics looked somber in the dusk’s dullness. The eeriness of the space was starting to eat at you when something shiny on the kitchen platform caught your eye. It was a bottle of whiskey, its amber liquid gleaming in the residual rays of light entering through the window.

The conflict in your head began as you started walking towards it absentmindedly. Was tonight going to be the same as the other wretched ones of the last two weeks? Faces of Luna, Levi, Miche and Nanaba flashed before our eyes as you inched towards the humble kitchenette. Finally at your destination, you picked up the bottle and stared at it, putting up a hard fight against the demons in your head.

You jumped when the door to your apartment suddenly slammed open, making the bottle almost slip out of your hands.

"Sweets!", A loud voice called out to you, the light from the window reflecting off the intruder’s glasses.

It was a moniker given to you by your dear friend based on "your profession and character" as they liked to call it. But the truth was, it was a part of the 'couple name' they had created for you and Levi called 'Short and Sweet', earning them a few punches from the holder of the other half of the title.

“Hange, you almost gave me a heart attack! What are you doing barging into my apartment like this?”, you grumbled.

“Well, your door was unlocked. So, how was your run in with Shorty? Tell me everyth... What the fuck is that?”, they began with excitement, but it dissipated as soon as they switched the lights on and spotted what you held in your hands.

You looked like a thief caught in the act. Guilty.

“It-It's nothing. I wasn’t drinking it.”, you stuttered, hastily putting it away.

“You mean you hadn't started drinking it yet?”

They were probably right. That’s how your evenings usually began these days. You tried your hardest to conquer the need for a drink, only to eventually give in and ending up passed out somewhere in your apartment.

Your train of thought was interrupted by a knock. Miche and Nanaba tiptoed inside through the still unlocked door with guilty smiles, as if ready to turn on their heels in case if you decided to chase after them.

“So? How did it go with Ackermann?”, they asked eagerly in unison.

“Wait. Was my day broadcasted in the news or something? How do you already know?”, your face had a giant question mark stamped on it.

“Who do you think brought it all together?”, Hange grinned, proudly wiggling their eyebrows.

You furrowed yours, and audibly gasped seconds later when it hit you. The sequence of events played before your eyes; how each person you had seen today and led to you meeting Levi. First Miche and Nanaba, then Suki. Your jaw slacked, and you gaped at each one of them in complete disbelief at what they had just pulled off.

Miche quietly slithered to position himself closely beside you and wrapped his arm around your shoulders – a little too tight. Well, you were contemplating introducing their jaws to your fist, so you guessed he was just being cautious.

“Who else knew of this?”, you hissed.

“Not Shorty, if that’s what you’re asking. I cooked up the idea. But it was Erwin who played commander and assigned roles! Everything from you and Levi having the same day off work, Suki and Furlan pestering you two into going with them, Nanaba and Miche forcing you out of here, Isabel staying home with Luna so that Levi could leave, and now us being here to witness the success of our little project, it was brought together by him. In fact, Erwin is checking in on Levi as we speak!”, Hange exclaimed triumphantly.

You felt stupid after finding out that you and Levi got played by practically everyone you knew. How were they this good at keeping it under wraps?

“Why did you do this?” You asked.

“Because you are both too stupid realize how crazy you are about each other and how this estrangement is paining you. So, we just decided to nudge you in the right direction. You’re welcome, by the way!”, Nanaba grinned.

“What are you even talking about? He’s the one who willingly ended what we had.”, you despaired.

The memories of the months preceding the divorce were fresh in your mind. Levi couldn’t stand being in the same room as you for more than a few minutes at a time, constantly falling out with you over something or the other. You remembered how much it hurt when he always seemed irritated by your sheer presence.

“Rubbish! You should know by now that Shorty is a complete moron with his feelings. Don’t you remember how long he stalled asking you out on a date all those years ago? And also, how I finally had to ask you for him? This is history repeating itself, silly!”, Hange chuckled, gently flicking your forehead

“Erwin and I see him every day, Sweets. We know how much he regrets letting you go. But he’s too much of a chicken to do anything about it. We’ve been badgering him to reconnect with you for a while now. But he was terrified of making a move. The dumbass is utterly in love with you. Precisely why Erwin and I decided to take matters in our own hands.”, they stated matter of factly.

The barrage of information caught you completely off guard. But you couldn’t help but dwell on one detail in particular -

“He’s still in love with me?”

.

Levi’s POV

Levi felt restless on the drive back home, aimlessly fidgeting with his seatbelt and rapidly tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. He was worried about you. Well, he always was, but more so because of what happened today. He suppressed the constant urges to turn his car around and return to you because he needed to get home to Luna and relieve Isabel of her baby-sitting duties.

He parked the car in the driveway and walked through the front door, momentarily freezing upon seeing a tall blonde man seated on the couch with Luna half asleep on his lap, immediately relaxing after recognizing who it was. He was reading her a story from one of the many books you had bought while Isabel was lounging on the loveseat beside them, her face glowing under the light from her phone screen. All three turned to Levi upon hearing the jingling of his keys.

“Papa!”, the little one was refreshed by the sight. She ran to greet her father by wiggling her way off the man’s lap and on to the floor and hugged is leg.

“Hi, moon beam! Erwin, what are you doing here?”, he asked as he gave Luna a kiss and then looked up at the man.

“I’m here to check in on you. How was your meeting with uh... ahem?”, Erwin cleared his throat instead of mentioning your name in the toddler’s presence.

“Check in on me? How do you know about that? What did you do?”, Levi’s temper audibly rose with each question.

“I’m going to tuck Luna into bed, and you are going to wait right here for my return. We need to have a little chat.” he glowered at the taller blonde before he could answer, ignoring the sheepish smile slapped across his little sister’s face.

Luna was out cold the moment her head rested on the pillow given how worn out she was after horsing around with Isabel all day. Additionally, story time with Erwin already had her feeling drowsy by the time Levi had returned home. Ten minutes and a few goodnight kisses later, he was sitting at the dining table with the two adults, sipping tea that Erwin had just brewed.

“When do you plan to start telling me what is going on? I could have had dinner during the wait.”, he jibed.

“I take it that Suki and Furlan were successful in bringing you two face-to-face?”, Erwin’s tone was casual, maintaining steady eye contact with his old friend.

He proceeded to explain in great detail, how he and Hange worked with both your close friends to hatch this plan.

“Can’t you two keep your eyebrows and shitty glasses out of my fucking business?”, Levi growled.

“Since you both can’t communicate like mature adults and figure things out for yourselves, we had to step in as catalysts. Hange is at her apartment right now, making sure she’s okay.”, Erwin kept his defense short.

Levi was at a loss of words. Sometimes he felt like he wasn’t worthy of his two friends. Hange and Erwin always went out of their way for him when he was hit with a challenging situation, and all he ever did was snivel about it.

“Fine. I’ll give you both credit where you deserve it. I had been wanting to see her myself. But I didn’t know what to say. She is coming over tomorrow to see Luna. So, thanks, I guess.”

Erwin knew that this was the closest thing to an apology and appreciation that he was going to get from Levi. So, he took it with a smile.

“Awesome!”, Isabel's scream cut through the calmness.

“And you.”, his fiery gaze landed on her at the far end of the table where she strategically seated herself away from the reach of her older brother in case if he was particularly irked. “I’m going to take care of Furlan later. But you too are hiding things from me now?”,

“Hey! I was just following Erwin's orders! And how could I say no to having my favorite person all to myself for an entire day?”, she reasoned, her face resembling a cartoon cat that Luna was fond of; Puss in Boots, was it?

“So, how did it go?”, Erwin intervened before Levi could scold her further.

Levi took a minute to gather his thoughts. Images of your face flashed before his eyes, making his tense posture relax significantly.

“I - I don’t even know how to describe it. I feel like for the first time in forever, I might sleep well tonight just because I met her. She looked so beautiful.”, his lips showed signs of the smallest smile as he ran his fingers along the rim of his teacup, gazing at the dark liquid contained within.

He quickly composed himself after realizing that he had in fact just said these words out loud and they were not just in his head, but it was too late. Isabel oohed with amusement and yelped after receiving a flying spoon to the head from him.

“It was also... a stark reminder of what an absolute piece of shit I have been to throw away everything we had. She’s in so much pain.”, his softened expression clearly revealed the despair behind his words.

“As are you, Levi. You made a grave mistake. Unfortunately, you're not the only one who is paying for it. But there is no use lamenting over the past, is there? What counts is what you plan to do now. Have you decided what you will say to her when she visits?”

Levi let out a long, suffering sigh. “I regretted what I did the moment I came back to an empty home from the court that day, Erwin. Seeing her today only reaffirmed how shitty my life is without her. I need to win her back. I’m afraid she’ll reject me after what I did to her. But - But she still needs to know that I -

I’m still in love with her.”

Chapters: Four | Five | Six

[honklore]

is nothing sacred? | quackity

(4.6k+ word count, prince!alex, augur/seer!reader, gn!reader, angst, alex has a sucky dad, reader has a sucky family, karl appears as a time traveler ofc, neg and pos religious themes, deification is the belief that when a monarch dies they will become a god, the rapids is a kingdom in this but it isn’t an smp au)

listen to: evermore by taylor swift, foreigner’s god by hozier, (the end) by levi weaver, exile by taylor swift

There’s a warm spring just outside the monastery. It’s hidden in the mountain, a few miles away from the castle walls and yet you find that it’s too close for comfort.

Every bright and loud fanfare that announces the prince’s coming and leaving echoes off of the hills and pours through your peaceful respite. It’s just enough to make you grumpy.

It’s one of those mornings again, and you find yourself floating in the hot spring, eyes open towards the sun, wishing you had more patience with the dear prince you call your best friend.

Your robe is heavy across your torso, floating around your bare legs as you ponder your plans for today. That is, if the prince doesn’t come visit you.

That would be wishful thinking, though. You don’t have to close your eyes to know that someone has blocked the sun. With a sigh, you sink your body beneath the warm water and submerge, blinking the water off of your lashes. “Alex, this is sacred ground.”

“I know,” the prince replies, squatting down to see you. “I tied my boots around my neck, see?”

You stare at the boot he’s proudly holding up, then shift your eyes to his bare feet. “Why are you here? This is my day off.”

“Excuse me for wanting to see my best friend,” Alex sneers mockingly, rolling his eyes. “Listen, are you coming back to the castle tomorrow?”

“We literally have an augury lesson at one in the morning,” you say. “So, yes.”

“Good, I’m going to disprove all of your theories.”

“They aren’t theories, Alex. I read patterns for a living, alright? I know what I’m talking about.”

“It’s not science.”

“Neither is your father deifying your grandfather,” this time you mock him.

He holds a steady gaze, lips quirked into a cheeky smile. “You’ll tell me about the night of my coronation again, right?”

“Because it warned of extreme change,” you say, voice level. “Yet I can’t figure out what’s going to happen. There’s something the stars aren’t telling me, and I have to figure it out to protect you and the kingdom.”

Alex’s eyes are a deep brown that you could probably get lost in, if he wasn’t such a little shit. “Protect me, you say?” He’s flirting now, eyes alight with the thought of annoying you, and if this spring wasn’t so important to you, you would’ve yanked him in already. “Didn’t know you cared that much about me, Y/n.”

Your robes are clinging uncomfortably to your body, accentuating the lines and curves — or lack thereof. “Hand me my towel and look away please.”

Alex closes his eyes and turns his face away, holding out the towel. “Learn anything divine from your swimming trip?”

Alex holds the towel out like a makeshift screen, and averts his eyes while you dry off and change into the clean robe he brought you. As annoying as he is, the prince is thoughtful, and he fills in the places where you lack.

“I was reflecting,” you say, buttoning the front of the robe. “It’s good for you; clears out your soul.”

Alex tosses the towel over your head and ruffles your hair. He chuckles at your protests; taunts you with warmth in his eyes. “You’re so spiritual.”

You glare at him. “I’m an augur.”

“Right,” Alex says, holding the now-wet towel close to his chest. “But you take it so seriously, sometimes.”

“I hate you,” you say, no venom in your words.

“I love you, too,” Alex says. He leans forward, almost as if to kiss your forehead, and then remembers that you’re on sacred ground, and kissing is forbidden.

Still, the very thought of what he might’ve done sends an unwanted flutter throughout your chest.

Wax drips onto the closed letter. You dip the silver stamp into the dark purple puddle, leaving the royal seal behind.

Inside is a letter to your family. It’s a prophecy you’ve received just for them. Despite them disowning you for your gift, you still find it important to warn them of upcoming woe. Like now, for instance, when you wish to warn them about the upcoming rainstorm that could ruin their crops if they don’t take precautions.

You rub your temples and blow out the candle, leaving you in silent darkness.

Your room is on the highest tower of the castle. The turret is small; a circular room with a circular bed and a circular desk and a glass, circular ceiling that showcases the stars to you each night. There’s a telescope standing against the window, a chest for your clothes, and the writing desk you’re seated upon. However, your bathroom is a few stories down, near the bottom of the tower and closer to accessible plumbing.

The door behind you bursts open, and you know it’s the young prince and his lack of basic manners when it comes to privacy. Your privacy, anyway. “What is it, Alex?”

“I’ve been waiting for you in the tower for an hour now, silly,” Alex’s words get softer as the light from the corridor pours in, and he can see what you’ve been up to. He stills, smile faltering. “You had another vision of them.”

“I wish they would stop,” you mutter. If you clench your eyes tightly enough, you can will any tears to suck back into your head. Then you can suffer through a headache, like you always do. You’ve had this “gift” since you were a little kid; you know the ups and downs of using it.

Not that it gives you much choice sometimes.

“Are you drinking the–“

“No,” you snap at Alex. “Look, suppressing them only makes it worse. Prophecies become... darker. I see things I can’t unsee. I have to allow them through.”

Alex has a hurt look on his face, but you can’t tell if it’s because you snapped at him or because he doesn’t want to see you in pain. You selfishly hope it’s the latter.

“We can talk about something less harsh on the mind.” Alex sits on your chest, avoiding your bed. It’s another sacred place for you, same as the monastery grounds. Alex knows the rules of being a seer; the ancient laws you practice. He’s read the same books as you — if just to understand you better. He’s the most loyal friend you can think of: the only person in the entire kingdom who has never questioned your beliefs.

“I can’t stand the thought of them getting hurt,” you admit. “And with the vision about your coronation... I’m so scared this kingdom is going to crumble and it’s going to be because I couldn’t prevent it.”

Alex fiddles with his necklace. It’s a rune, one for protection. You used to wear a similar one beneath your robes, but with your fear of something happening, you’ve made Alex promise to wear it.

“It’s not your job to keep the kingdom from crumbling,” Alex relays. “All you need to do is tell me what you see. Then I hint to my father ways to change the kingdom. After that, it’s up to fate.”

You bite your lip. “Fate has a tricky way of playing its own hand.”

“Then it was never in your hands in the first place, yes?” Alex speaks honestly, but there’s a bit of cheek to his voice that eases your nerves.

You smile sadly. “Your father is too prideful, Alex. I can see it; the ravens, they flock the castle whenever he makes a speech. He wants to become a god. He wants something that’s impossible.”

“He deified Grandfather,” Alex quips, no emotion backing his voice. “Like you said earlier. It’s just to start the tradition, so that when he dies he’ll become holy, too.”

“I told him it was wrong. I told him that the stars foresee ruin if he stays on this trail of pride.” You cast your eyes down to your family’s letter. “No one believes me.”

“I believe you,” Alex’s soft voice urges you to look at him.

He’s quiet. The rune is resting on his outstretched palm and he’s looking at you. “Do you think I’d take these lessons and wear these trinkets if I thought you were wrong?”

“Maybe you do it because we’re friends,” you say. You're well aware of the fact that the prince is the only person in the entire kingdom who advocates for your beliefs. But with the rest of the realm against you, you can't help but think that deep down, he's making fun of you, too.

"You sure do worry a lot for someone who can foresee the future."

You choke out a laugh and run your hands down your face. "I'm sorry, Alex. I'm so sorry. I just– I feel like if I can't prevent every bad thing I predict, then it's my fault when they happen. I wish I was ignorant to omens."

Alex tuts. He pouts at you, dragging his lower lip between his teeth and holding it there for just a beat too long. “Let’s skip lessons today. You should rest.”

“Alex—“

“Ah!” Alex stands up. He begins to unclip his cufflinks from the hem of his sleeve before he passes you a coy glance. “That’s Prince Alexis to you, and if I say you should rest, then you should rest.”

You grumble, but inwardly you’re thankful.

There’s an altar, rectified in the middle of the castle courtyard. Though it was once a place of healing — a place seers would go to cleanse their minds — it is now standing in ruins.

You lay down your offerings anyway. Dried rose petals, and a few copper coins saved up. You wait with the objects until a few crows come to diligently take them away. To where? You don’t know. You’ve never asked.

Alex’s father plans to take down the altar and replace it with a shrine of himself. The knowledge of change reeks the air with a foul scent only you can smell.

It’s as if the entire kingdom is rotting and you’re the only one who knows.

You lift your hood off of your face and continue your walk throughout the court. Those you pass politely ignore you, though some choose to sneer at your mannerisms. The king has them wrapped in his prideful rule, and your heart aches for them.

There is no freedom in serving man. This much, you know.

You find yourself in the tower, waiting for the prince to come in time for his lessons.

“Father says he wants me to study more practical subjects,” Alex relates to you.

He’s lying across the balcony floor, and you are perpendicular, with your head on his stomach. You feel every breath he takes, and something about the closeness comforts you in a way you refuse to analyze.

“I’m not sure what else you could learn,” you say. Your eyes are stuck on a chip in the balcony railing. Stone that hardly cracks, and of course your foundation is crumbling quicker than your resolve. “You have lessons from dawn till dusk.”

“And you’re the only tutor I care for,” he says with a flippant sort of tone. “I don’t know what I’d do if I saw you less. I already wish I had more time with you.”

You’ve spoken to nuns and monks and those who swear off love in servitude to the one they worship. Most admit that it’s a lonely existence, and a torture to make up for their sins. You understand that true love must be as sacred as an old god, and to worship another person would be the greatest act of devotion. For how else do you serve a creator than by worshiping the created?

You don’t think kings are meant to be worshipped. No one with that much power should be revered with such ignorance.

But a prince is different. To worship a prince alone, in secret, for just yourself... perhaps that is the most spiritual devotion of all. Perhaps it is the most torturous.

Hearing Alex’s words makes your heart yearn for a future that can never be. You don’t need a vision to tell you that his father will soon grow tired of you. Of course you will soon be sent out of the kingdom, and Alex will forget about you in time.

You know this without a doubt in your heart, and yet Alex still clings to these moments with you.

You’d do anything to keep him safe.

“Where will I go?” You ask. “Where will I be accepted?”

Alex’s breath hitches; you feel it. And you know what he wants to say — you know what lingers at the tip of his tongue.

With me.

Your family sends back the letter, unopened. You try not to cry about it, but the truth is that you feel more alone than ever. Surely you are the last of your kind, and no one cares in the least about what you have to say.

Except maybe Alex. Lovely, beautiful Alexis. He could no sooner harm a butterfly’s wing than deny you your beliefs.

But Alex is not king. He is merely a prince, and the king does not like you. It’s a miracle you’ve lasted this long.

“You fill my son’s head with nonsense,” the king paces back and forth in front of his empty thrown.

You hide your hands in the sleeves of your robe. “Your Majesty, I only relay what I see. I fear your kingdom is in danger.”

“And you think it my fault? Tell me, what if the stars told me to deify my father? What if I am following my own visions?” The royal cackles. “You have no sensible argument. All you have are silly dreams and lies to propel your own agenda. I will not have you spoiling my son’s brain.”

“Your Majesty—“

“I forbid you to speak on anything of the sort from hence forth. The altar will be torn down, and any peep from you regarding these readings will result in instant banishment.”

The sentence hurts more than it should, considering you aren’t being willed to die. You’re quite lucky in this sentence, considering you can still see Alex. Though, a part of you cracks and splinters to think of suppressing your visions.

The vision of Alex’s coronation still remains. You fear for the prince’s life. You fear the king will have something to do with it.

How do you tell the boy you adore that his father may be his downfall?

How do you get him to believe you?

The warm spring only gets hotter as the seasons change. You sink your head under, and the heat of the water burns your closed eyelids. Your head is killing you; pounding from holding back your emotions: your tears.

The monks don’t even worship the same as you. They lend you their springs and advice, but they aren’t the same. There are no other augurs in The Rapids, so no one else really knows how taxing the job is.

More visions come to you when you’re stressed, so you try your hardest to calm yourself. The water scalds your skin, but it distracts your mind enough to keep the visions away.

It’s all the same. All the visions are the same — Alex gets crowned king and overturns the deifying decree. And only days later, he’s assassinated, and the regent — his father — takes back the throne.

As the old proverb goes: pride cometh before a fall, and the king certainly has enough pride. You just don’t want Alex to get caught in the fall.

“You’re so predictable.” Alex’s voice is warbled.

It takes a minute for the water to release from your ears.

Surfaced, you can see Alex crouched by the bank, careful not to fall in. He’s got that same gentle smile — thin, rouge lips and eyes that seem to shine when they look at you. Alex never judges. He never makes fun of your methods. He’s simply there for you, and your heart longs to be there for him as well.

“This place is sacred,” you blurt. Seeing Alex’s face in the light of the sunset just makes you think of your visions. What would a world without Alex even look like? You aren’t sure you want to find out.

You start to cry, and Alex holds a hand out silently.

He helps you out — holds out the robe for you. His boots are around his neck, and you focus on the thinness of his ankles while you clothe yourself.

“You can’t hold me.” You say plainly.

“I know,” Alex’s voice is watery. “Let’s get you back to the palace, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you sniff. “Okay.”

“I’m not dead.” Alex lightly scratches your arm. Up and down. Up and down. “I’m not going to die.”

Your shoulders are braced against his side. You keep your gaze on the white smoke rising off of his incense cone.

This is his room, and his bed, because those aren’t sacred. His bed can be slept in and snuggled in and kissed in and loved in. He has scratchy cotton sheets and incense that is too old to really smell like anything.

He’s a prince with messy documents surrounding his desk and curtains that haven’t been dusted in days. Some days you wonder if the entire castle has forgotten about him. You don’t want to bring it up — don’t want to ask — but it flummoxes you.

You reach for his hand and stop its motions. “I’m sorry I bring you into all of this.”

“I want you to bring me into everything,” Alex slurs. He’s staying awake for you, and you know it. He rests his temple against your head. “I don’t want you to keep anything from me.”

You hum. His body is warm against yours. Too warm, to the extent where you know you’ll wake up in the uncomfortable sort of sweat that comes when a child falls asleep on you, or when you fall asleep without the window open.

Something heavy squeezes your chest. It feels like your ribcage is sentient — hugging and pressing into your lungs until it’s nearly impossible to breathe without an uncomfortable stutter.

Alex falls asleep quick, so you don’t worry about him noticing.

You settle against him and breathe through your nose. The feeling will pass — it always does. You feel this way whenever Alex reveals something so vulnerable to you. You reckon it’s something to do with the tenderness of his voice, or the earnest squeeze of his hand.

There’s a need to protect him. You want to be there for him, more than anything else in the world.

Stripped of your job — the altar torn down — you resort back to your first and foremost activity: Alex’s best friend and (unofficial) advisor.

In this position, you’re confident in your abilities. You know just as well as anyone that you’d rather die than see the prince harmed in any way.

You’re kicked out of the tower, and your telescopes are left to dust. The king locks the door personally, ardent in his attempt to keep you away from any visions that might harm his reign.

You stay in Alex’s room, on a spare bed mat near the fireplace.

Of course, Alex has offered his bed, but you refuse to bother him any more than you have to. And now, with your rituals forbidden, you need a place to privately gather your thoughts.

The flames lick the stone furnace and you lie still. You watch them dance and close your eyes, hoping to rest without any visions or nightmares.

But the nightmares come, and they’re always the same.

When you wake in a fervent sweat, you know that only one thing will keep you from fearing Alex’s death. So, you crawl beneath his scratchy sheets.

You don’t snuggle into him or bother his slumber. All you need to do is know that he’s here. You rest your smallest finger against his bare arm and fall asleep to the sound of an owl hooting outside the window.

On the morning of Alex’s coronation, fog rises from the earth. You see it as a sign: this day will be confusing and blurred.

Alex is just excited to have cooler weather. The blistering heat has been plaguing the kingdom for days, so to have a day of fog and hollow wind sounds like heaven to the prince.

You wear your runes beneath your robe, and the weight of them is less than the weight of knowing you’re dead if you’re caught. But you need them; need this day to come and go without blood and tears.

Alex cannot see you. He’s far too busy with final rehearsals and receiving guests from far and wide.

You stray beyond the castle, into the square, where traders and travelers have set up shop in the hopes of making a profit.

There’s a sign. Fortunes Read Here. It’s tacked over a purple curtain, and you can see amber light shining through a thin slit. Like maybe someone is in there. Like maybe you aren’t alone.

You walk in.

Disappointment smacks against your ribs like a heavy wave against jagged rocks. It’s a scam. A boy no younger than yourself is sitting behind a table, with a green sash tied over his forehead. There’s a mystical rune of some kind that looks like a portal, and it’s tacked to nearly every surface you can see with dripping green paint. The place looks like that of a madman, and you fear you’re about to be mocked.

“Hello,” he says. He doesn’t offer a name. The blues of his eyes flicker from time to time with a shimmery purple, and you think it’s a trick of the light.

“Are you going to laugh at me?” You sit across from him. “Once I leave, are you going to think of me as just another gullible customer?”

“Can you not tell the future?” He says, and he grabs the crystal ball and tucks it under the table. “I can sense it. You want answers, genuine answers, not some promise of success.”

“Who are you?”

“Karl,” he says. “I’m from the village of The Rapids, but you know, magic is looked down upon. I doubt anyone would believe me if I told them what I know.”

You trace the lines of the rune. Your brain fogs, but as you repeat the motion, it clears up, and you suddenly see Karl, clear as day, standing in a crowd and watching Alex make a speech. “You’ve been there? You’ve been to the future?”

“Look closer,” Karl mumbles.

So you focus on the details, and you can see the black banners of mourning, and the redness of Alex’s eyes. “Oh. This is his grandfather’s funeral. This is the year before I became Alex’s tutor.”

“Walk closer.”

Unsure what he means, you continue to trace the rune, and imagine yourself walking through the crowd. Only Karl moves instead, so you pause your tracing and look at Karl.

He’s got his eyes closed, and his eyebrows furrowed. “Why did you come here? What did you want to see?”

You brought me here, you think of saying, but you wonder if this is what Karl can do. If he can travel to the past and show people what he sees. “I- I suppose I want to know why he was deified. Was it a plot?”

You trace the rune again, and Karl walks over to the king, where he stands apart from the podium. Even though his son is giving a heartfelt speech, he’s not listening at all. Instead, he’s talking to one of his trusted advisors.

“I will make a wonderful god.”

“Prince Alexis hates the new creed,” the advisor observes. “Surely he’ll overrule it once he is king.”

“Yes,” the king says. “Well, I suppose we’ll just have to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

You gasp, and even Karl seems winded as you stop tracing the rune.

He places his palms on the table. “So that’s what you wanted to find out. A regicide plot.”

“I have to find Alex,” you mutter. You stand and rip one of your runes off of your neck. Intuition. “Here, take it. You should go.”

“I can’t go into the future,” Karl warns. “I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“No,” you think of Alex’s words. “None of us can predict fate. I have to go.”

You run out of the tent, and when you look back, it’s gone, left with nothing but a dirty sign labeled Fortunes Read Here.

Perhaps it’s past tense now.

Your purple robe billows behind you as you rush into the castle in search of the prince.

The staff says they haven’t seen him, the lords are already drunk off of mulled wine. His own tailors are running around, fearing they won’t be able to dress him in time.

So he’s gone, and that means you’re too late.

Or rather, maybe Alex is smarter than you give him credit for, and he’s gone to the one place his father won’t go.

You head up to the tower.

He’s there. Of course he’s there. And he’s in only part of his ceremonial clothes, leather pants and a cream-white collared shirt. He’s leaning his palms against the stone railing and staring out against the wind, like he’s waiting for it to speak to him. Tears slip down his cheeks and drop into the air.

“Alex…” You wrap your arms around his soft waist, squeezing tight to try and convey how thankful you are that he knew to get away. “Your father… He’s—”

“He poisoned my breakfast,” Alex whimpers. He grabs blindly for your arms, and at the touch of your skin, he folds in on himself; shifts around to face you, and buries his face into your neck. “My taster… He thought my taster was out. But he wasn’t. Now he’s dead, and the counsel are trying to figure out what to do with my father.”

“Alex, I’m so sorry.”

He cries harder, and you think your hug must feel weak compared to the comfort he so clearly needs right now. “I have to go tell the lords and the staff. We have to postpone the coronation until everyone involved is apprehended.”

You think of what he does when you feel alone. He visits your spring, and he takes off his shoes. He takes you to his bed and scratches your arm. He kisses your head and hums old lullabies from his childhood until you fall asleep.

So you grab his hand, and you pull him down the few stairs where your old bedroom lies. And you bring him toward your bed, but he stops you.

“It’s sacred to you,” he hiccups.

“You’re sacred to me,” you finally decide, and you let him crawl under your sheets.

You untie his boots and pull them off of his feet, along with his socks. Then you take the blanket and pull it up to his chin. You kiss his forehead and crawl in next to him. And you scratch his arm, up and down, and you hum old lullabies from your own childhood until he falls asleep.

While he’s asleep, you trace the moles across his cheeks and close your eyes. Suddenly, it’s like Karl’s tent, only you can see into the future, not the past. And you aren’t Karl, you’re Y/n.

The sun is bright on Alex’s back, skin tanned and warm. You’re swimming with him in the spring, and all that is sacred to you is him. All that matters is him, so he can float in the spring, and he can kiss you on holy ground, and if he can’t be deified in the kingdom, he can be deified in your soul.

And when you stop your motions, you’re back in your bed. Alex is there, sweet Alex, snoring softly and snuggling into your warmth, like you keep him safe. Like your visions aren’t the ones he believed in at all.

He has always believed solely in you.

[outlawsworld]

Trusting Strangers - Chapter 12

Arthur Morgan x Female reader

Summary: Reader and Arthur's relationship in now not so secret. She spends one on one time with Dutch and also some alone time with Arthur.

Warning: robbing, mentions of smut but nothing too bad!

Notes: sorry it's taken me so long with this chapter. I've taken a bit of time off over Christmas. Please let me know what you think....can't wait to write the next chapter after this ending 🤤

You can also read my work on my ao3 account Outlaws_world !!

Chapter 1

--

You had been tossing and turning all night. Each time you were drifting off back to sleep your memories reminded you of the events of last night. As it started to get lighter outside you decided to go check on Dallas. Sleep wasn't coming easy and you decided to make yourself useful instead of just laying in your tent. The cut around Dallas' limb had started to scab over and there was no sign of infection. You reapplied some of the herbs that Charles had given you and fed the horses. It must have been early as everyone was still fast asleep in camp and the morning birds had only just started chirping in the trees. You made yourself a coffee and stood at the end of the dock looking out over the lake. The sun was rising over the hills which filled the sky with a burnt orange. You took in a deep breath which filled your lungs with the freshness of the air before taking a sip from your coffee. There were a couple of birds floating on the water and you watched as they sat there, still and silent. You were so lost in focusing on the stillness of the morning that you didn't hear the footsteps behind you.

''Mornin' Miss (Y/L/N)'' you spun round quickly to see Dutch had walked up behind you. He was smoking on a cigar and smiling at you.

''Mornin' Dutch'' you spoke hesitantly after you caught your breath.

''Sorry dear, I didn't mean to frighten you'' he smirked. Even though it was first thing in the morning, Dutch didn't have a hair out of place and he dressed so smartly. You must have looked scruffy in comparison as you had the same clothes on from yesterday and hadn't combed your hair yet. He came to stand next to you as you both looked over the water. ''You alright after last night?'' he questioned, not taking his eyes away from the view.

''Yeah'' you paused. ''I didn't mean for it to escalate the way it did'' you tried to defend yourself. Dutch sighed as he looked at you.

''It ain't your fault Miss (Y/L/N)'' his voice was hushed as the camp was starting to stir behind you. ''Arthur has taken quite a shine to you. I realise you two seem to be gettin' on rather well'' he scanned your face waiting for your reaction. You continued to look out over the lake hoping that he would avert his gaze. ''I hope this ain't gonna be a problem''. You look at him slightly taken aback by what he had just said.

''I don't know what you mean?'' you question, looking directly into his gaze now.

''You have settled in well here (Y/N). You have also pulled your weight and done well on jobs'' he paused taking a drag from his cigar and blowing it out over the lake. ''I want to see this for myself. What are you doing today?’’ he questioned ignoring your confusion.

‘’I was going to see about those horses with John this mornin’.’’ You scanned the camp trying to find him.

‘’That can wait’’ he protested. ‘’ Ride with me to Rhodes. I’ll let you get on with your morning chores and then come find me’’ he eyed you up and down before adding ‘’ I’ll inform John of the change of plan, the horses can wait for tomorrow’’.

''Of course Dutch'' you said shyly. He patted you on the shoulder before walking back into camp and leaving you standing on the dock by yourself.

You thought about Dutch's words as you sipped on the rest of your coffee. Gaining Dutch's trust was a hard task when you first joined the gang and the last thing you wanted was to jeopardise that. You hoped that your time spent with him would allow you to finally prove your full worth to him. ‘I hope this ain’t gonna be a problem’, what did he mean by that? There was a slight nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach as you thought he might not approve of your relationship with Arthur. Was that what this trip to Rhodes was going to be about? 

You tried to ignore the feeling as you made your way back into camp. Most people had started to stir and were getting on with their chores. Although you knew Dutch would let John know about the change of plan, you wanted to tell John yourself and to clear the air from last night. When you couldn’t find him anywhere around camp you made your way over to the dirty dishes and began cleaning. You had only just gotten settled into your work when Tilly and Karen both decided to settle down next to you. As you glanced up, you saw the huge grins plastered across their faces and automatically rolled your eyes.

''Awwh come on now, don't be like that'' Karen giggled. You looked into the wash bucked and concentrated on the dish in your hand. Trying to block out the eager girls stares.

''You can't hide from us in a pile of dirty dishes, ya know'' Tilly smirked at you. You looked up and sighed. She was right, no matter what you did, you couldn't avoid them forever. ''You gonna tell us then?''.

''Tell you what?'' you smirked.

''Don't play dumb. Tell us about what happened last night'' Karen scoffed. She sat next to you with a ripped shirt in hand as she tried to sew the seam back together.

''With Micah?'' you questioned.

''No you idiot. With Arthur'' Karen tutted. ''He was clearly protective over ya, never seen him so riled up. Micah must have struck a nerve talkin' bout you like that'' she giggled as she spoke. You knew that being cooped up in the camp all day can be boring, so the girls lived for any gossip or drama. You shook your head and sighed looking over to see Arthur was sat on his cot writing something in his journal. He looked so fixated on what he was jotting down, you couldn’t help but wish he was by your side right now to answer the questions that were being thrown at you.

''Would you just leave the poor girl alone'' Sadie interrupted, she was standing over the three of you with her hands on her hips.

''We were only asking'' Tilly spoke shyly.

''Yeah, well I'm tellin'. Can't you see she has enough to do without you two at her'' she gestured for the two girls to move which they did with a grunt and a couple wise remarks. Sadie came to sit beside you and grabbed a dish to clean. ''Told you they would find out'' she giggled. You couldn't help but smirk at her comment but you stayed silent. The two of you continued to wash the dishes. Your eyes scanned the camp to try find John but instead landed on Arthur walking towards you.

''Mornin' Ladies'' he tipped his hat to the both of you.

''Arthur'' Sadie greeted him as she carried on scrubbing one of the dishes.

‘’(Y/N), can I have a word?’’ his voice was hushed as if to try and not draw too much attention to us. You glanced at Sadie who gave you an approving nod before you dried your hands on your trousers and stood up to follow Arthur. The giggling coming from the other girls behind you were more then obvious, but you ignored them. You followed Arthur back towards the dock where you had been standing not too long ago.

‘’You alright?’’ Arthur asked as you reached the dock. He placed a hand softly on your lower arm, almost taking your hand whilst looking straight into your eyes. His touch suddenly warmed your whole body and your cheeks flushed red. You were slightly embarrassed to how easily this man could change your whole mood with a simple touch. His bright blue eyes were unavoidable, you could see the corner of his mouth was upturned as he looked at you which only made your heart race faster.

‘’I am now’’ you smiled up at him. He smiled sweetly back at you as he intertwined his fingers in yours. Quickly, you glanced back towards the camp to see if anyone was watching. Before you could let go of his hand and pull away, Arthur’s free hand reached your cheek to move your face back to focus on him.

‘’Cat’s outta the bag (Y/N)’’ he smirked at your panicked reaction. ‘’I guess I’m to blame for that’’ his hand cupped your cheek still as he looked from your eyes to your lips. He was right, everyone in camp knew by now that something was going on. There was no point in hiding it. ‘’I just wanted to make sure that you were alright with it all?’’ he lowered his voice slightly as you dropped your eyes to look down at the floor.

You wanted to say how much you hated that people were already trying to know all your business, you hated that the attention was focused on the two of you because you were the biggest news in camp. Being on your own for so long you had gotten used to no one paying you any attention and you liked it that way, you never had to explain yourself to anyone. The words couldn’t form in your mouth and as you looked back up to meet Arthur’s eyes all of your worries seemed to fade away. If the whole camp knowing meant that the both of you could stop sneaking around and be together then you didn’t seem to care. All that mattered to you was Arthur.

‘’I’m alright. Though you owe me’’ you smirked at him. ‘’You don’t have to deal with the girls wanting to know every detail’’. Arthur laughed shyly as he pulled you closer to him. He leaned down and kissed you softly. It didn’t feel like your previous kisses, you were very aware that anyone could be watching but it felt more meaningful somehow. You didn’t have to hide your affection for one another. You felt a warm feeling at the fact that Arthur was happy for the camp to know about his feeling towards you.

‘’How about I take you outta camp for the night?’’ Arthur smiled leaning his forehead against yours.

‘’Deal’’ you smiled before placing a soft kiss on his cheek. The two of you slowly made your way back into camp before Mrs Grimshaw came over to tell you both to stop slacking. As you walked into the heart of camp you noticed everyone’s attention was on the both of you and you could feel a hot flush run through your body.

‘’I better finish my chores’’ you gestured back towards Sadie who was still busy washing dishes. Arthur smiled before leaning down and kissing your cheek in front of the whole camp. The gesture produced a gasp and whispers that could be heard from the girls who were watching the both of you. You bit your lip and your cheeks flushed once more before heading back towards Sadie. You sat down next to her and continued with your work, you couldn’t help the smile that graced your face.

‘’I hope you know that I can’t save you from the oncomin’ questions now’’ Sadie giggled. It was as if the other girls had heard Sadie’s comment because almost instantly they had all gathered round you.

‘’When did it happen?’’

‘’Is he a good kisser?’’

‘’Is he romantic?’’

Their questions came thick and fast and you did your best at answering as Sadie sat smirking at you. You must have looked like a rabbit when face to face with a cougar as the questions piled in. Once you washed the last dish you stood up and held your hands up in surrender.

‘’Alright, alright. Enough questions for one day’’ the girls all sighed with the loss of excitement. ‘’I’ll see y'all later’’ you took no time in waiting for their response as you strode across camp to find Dutch. As you crossed camp you scanned it to see if John had made an appearance. He was still nowhere to be seen so you shrugged it off. Dutch was sat in his tent reading one of his novels when you approached him.

‘’Ahh (Y/N)’’ he closed the book as he saw you stood in the opening of his tent. ‘’You ready to go?’’.

‘’Yeah’’ you nodded as he put his book down on his cot and gestured for you to lead the way to the horses. Dallas favouring his leg still so you took one of the spare horses for the day. You both mounted up and you followed closely behind Dutch as he led the way out of camp and onto the main road to town. The both of you rode in silence which only made you more nervous. Dutch had always been kind to you and impressed with your work but you had never had to prove yourself to him before or spent any time with him alone. Luckily Rhodes wasn’t too far from camp and you both hitched your horses outside of the saloon before making your way inside. Dutch ordered you both a beer and you took a seat at a free table in the corner of the room. The saloon was quiet as it was only midday but there was a piano player which filled the empty atmosphere.

‘’So, I want to see first hand what you can do Miss’’ Dutch broke the silence as you took a sip from your beer. ‘’I’ve heard a lot of great things but never seen it for myself’’ he smirked at you before joining you in a drink. You didn’t exactly know what Dutch was expecting. All the jobs that you have done for the gang had been planned by someone else and you just did as you were told.

‘’What’s the plan?’’ you asked, slightly confused.

‘’No plan’’ Dutch raised his eyebrows. ‘’Just do what you do best’’ he leant back in his chair with his arms folded over his chest, expecting to watch a show. You took a deep breath and glanced around the bar trying to find a target. Rhodes wasn’t too far away from the city of Saint Denis which meant many rich folk passed through regularly. You spotted a couple of men sat at the bar, both well dressed and merrily drinking. They looked like they were celebrating something as they toasted to one another’s success. You quickly gulped the rest of your drink before giving Dutch a nod in their direction. Dutch glanced over at the two men and the corner of his mouth tugged upwards in a mischievous smile before he nodded at you. You straightened out your clothing and fixed your hair before making your way over to the bar to stand next to the two men.

You gestured for the bartender before ordering another beer. Once, you had been served your drink you stood, leaning on the bar in a way that would attract a man’s eye to the curve of your bum. One of the men took the bait straight away and turned his attention to you as you began to drink your beer.

‘’What is a beautiful woman such as yourself doing in a town like this?’’ he leaned towards you. His breath stank of alcohol and his eyes were slightly glazed over indicating he was a lot more drunk then you had first thought.

‘’Just passin’ through’’ you smiled sweetly placing a hand on his forearm. ‘’How about yourself?’’. Before you knew it, you were standing in between the two men drinking your beer and creating convocation. They both had closed some sort of business deal that you paid no interest too and were celebrating. You hummed along whilst congratulating them. They were both quite young, handsome men so you acted as though you were falling for their charms. After your second beer that they had bought you, you decided to take your leave and go back to Dutch. Both the men were slightly disappointed that you were leaving however, they let you go without any complaints.

‘’I think it’s best we leave now’’ you smiled at Dutch who sat watching you with a confused expression. He didn’t question you and followed you out of the saloon and to your horses.

‘’(Y/N), I think you missed the point of this trip’’ he finally turned to you before you mounted your horse. You grinned at him, before he could say another word you produced 2 watches, $20, a golden ring, a packet of cigarettes and what seemed to be an engagement ring from your pockets. You placed all the items in Dutch’s hand.

‘’Pretty sure we can sell this stuff at the general store. Plus, I found out that they have a bunch of deeds back at their house which isn’t too far from here. Turns out they will both be out of town on business next week. Might be worth a look’’ you smirked feeling pretty pleased with yourself.

‘’Well I must say, I am impressed’’ Dutch nodded at you, you couldn't help but hear the slight shock in his voice. This only made you more smug about doing a good job. ‘’Let’s go see what we can get for these’’ Dutch chuckled as he stuffed the items into his pockets. The both of you mounted up and began to head to the main street. As you were riding down the street you passed by Hosea and Arthur. They were on their way to the saloon with a wagon full of moonshine. Hosea had dressed Arthur up in a hat and a pipe sticking out of his mouth and you couldn’t help but giggle at the sight. They both tipped their hats to you as you passed one another but no words were exchanged. Arthur rolled his eyes as he saw the amusement on both yours and Dutch's faces.

"He's never been one for playing dress up" Dutch remarked. "No doubt we will get an earful later" he bellowed whilst laughing.

Dutch and yourself entered the general store and sold the items for $40 altogether. He decided to buy you a broach of a horse’s head cast in bronze that you had taken a shine too. You thanked him on the way out before pinning the broach to your shirt. The two of you began your journey back to camp ignoring the noises coming from the saloon. Clearly whatever Hosea and Arthur was up to was working in their favour.

‘’Good work today Miss (Y/L/N)’’ he smiled at you as you rode side by side. ‘’I’m glad we found you’’. This made you light up. You knew Dutch was hard to please and to hear him say these things only made you feel more at home in the gang. Although, you couldn't help but think of your convocation that you had by the dock that morning. You hadn't spoken about your relationship with Arthur this whole trip, which you originally though that's what this was about.

‘’Thanks Dutch’’ you smiled at him. ‘’Can I ask you a question?’’ he nodded at you to continue. You cleared your throat and gathered up the courage before speaking up. ‘’Earlier, you said that you hope that me and Arthur don’t become a problem, what did you mean?’’ you asked so shyly that you thought he might not have even been able to hear you. You heard him take a deep breath in as you looked at the road in front of you, avoiding his gaze. The silence was deafening, the only sound was your heart racing as Dutch thought about your question.

‘’I meant no offence’’ he cleared his throat before carrying on. ‘’Things like relationships can be a hard thing with the way we live. They can get in the way and distract us from our responsibilities. As long as you know the gang comes above anything else, it shouldn’t be a problem. Keep up the hard work’’ Dutch scanned your face for your reaction. You looked up to catch his gaze before nodding. "And Miss (Y/L/N), I won't tolerate any more fighting in camp" he warned looking straight into you.

‘’I understand. It won’t get in the way’’ you promised Dutch. Although you knew he meant well you couldn’t help but feel he thought you might take Arthur away from his work or even the gang. You had no intension of doing so as you knew how much the gang meant to him, and how much it was starting to mean to you as well. It was like a family, one that you have been needing for so long.

Once you were back in camp Dutch left you to tend to the horses. You brushed the borrowed horse and the Count before feeding them some carrots as a treat. It wasn’t long before the sun began to set on another day and you helped yourself to some of Pearson’s stew. Lenny came to keep you company and sat on the log next to you by the fire. It was nice to talk to someone who wasn't interested enough to ask about your and Arthur's relationship. Lenny was the youngest in the gang but he talked as though he was the oldest. He was incredibly smart and always good company.

‘’You seen John today?’’ you asked as you scanned the camp still unable to locate John.

‘’Yeah, he has been on guard most of the day, didn’t want anyone to relieve him of his post’’ Lenny shrugged. You turned your nose up at the thought of John wanting to be on guard all day. He hated that job, he always complained that it was boring. Maybe something had happened between him and Abigail which made him want to be by himself for a while. You were about to go and check on him when you saw Arthur ride back into camp. He dismounted Siego and marched over to speak to Dutch and Micah. You and Lenny both tried to overhear their conversation without any luck. Whatever they were taking about, you could tell Arthur wasn't too pleased about it. You turned your attention back to the remainders of your stew and scraped the bowl clean.

‘’Ma’am’’ Arthur drew your attention from your bowl. He held his hand out for you to take which you did gladly. He pulled you onto your feet before taking your bowl from you and placing it in the wash tub. ‘’You ready to go?’’ he questioned, his tone was slightly irritated still by his convocation with Dutch. You had completely forgotten about going out of camp with Arthur tonight but you nodded to not irritate him further. You said your goodbyes to Lenny before grabbing a couple of spare clothes from your tent and meeting Arthur by the horses.

You rode together back into Rhodes. Arthur remained quiet for the ride, you could tell something had angered him but you didn’t want to pry just yet. Instead you decided to let him calm down. Arthur led you up to the Rhodes hotel, you glanced at him slightly shocked. You had expected to go back to the open field that you had slept the other night. You followed sheepishly behind him, trying to remember the last time you had slept in a real bed. Arthur paid for a room and for a bath each before grabbing the key and guiding you to the room.

The room was spacious, with a double bed in the middle of the back wall and a wardrobe to the side. There was a draw at each bedside with a lantern placed on each one. As it was already dark outside so the room was slightly dim lit but that didn't faze you. You gingerly walked around the room and placed your things to one side. As you passed each draw, you automatically searched through them to see if there were any leftover belongings.

‘’We ain’t robbin’ the place’’ Arthur smirked as he watched you open and close all the empty draws.

‘’I know’’ you giggled slightly embarrassed. ‘’I don’t remember the last time I stayed inside that’s all’’ you felt the softness of the bed and took a deep breath in.

‘’Well we needed to get away from camp. Thought this would be better then a cold night outside" he watched you with a smile.

"You alright?" you finally asked. "Ya seem irritated".

"Nahh it's just Micah. Thinks it's a good idea to rob both the Grey's and the Braithwight's" he shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't think it's the best idea but Dutch seems to take his side" he placed his things in the same pile as yours before walking over to you and placing both his hands on your waist. You place your arms around his neck and pull him close to you for a full enbrace.

"Doesn't seem smart but I'm sure Dutch knows what he's doin'." You tried to reassure him. The truth was you thought it was dumb too. It was a small town and people talk, even with a family feud they would still know it was us that robbed from them. You let go of him just enough so that you could see his face. His jaw was tense and his eyes were looking over your shoulder, deep in thought. You place your hand on his cheek to bring his eyes round to focus back on you, just like he had done earlier. His jaw relaxed as his eyes met yours. You kissed him gently, you could feel his whole body relax when your lips met. He wrapped his arms tighter around you, as if not wanting to ever let you go. You broke the kiss and smiled up at him.

"I'm sorry, let's not talk about the gang tonight" he smirked. ‘’Why don’t ya go get a bath, I’ll get mine after’’. You nodded at him before grabbing some clothes and walking out of your room and down the hall to the bath.

You submerged yourself in the warm water hesitantly. The water felt lovely against your skin, better then washing yourself in the cold lake. You took your time in scrubbing your body head to toe, using the soap provided. It smelt of lavender and filled the room with it’s relaxing scent. Once you had finished you sat in the bath for a couple moments, embracing the last of the warm water before climbing out and drying yourself. You pulled on the clean clothes you had packed before tip toeing your way back to the room. When you walked back in you were surprised to find Arthur was not there. He must have gone to the second bathroom that you had noticed. You perched on the edge of the bed, feeling it dip from your weight. It was so soft and you couldn't wait to have a comfy night sleep. You sat there for a while before deciding to get ready for bed, it was getting late and you were begining to tire. As you rummaged through your things you realised you had forgotten your nightwear. You rolled your eyes and breathed out an irritated sigh at your forgetfulness. Instead you decided to slip on Arthur's shirt that he had given you weeks ago on your hunting trip and remove your trousers. Once, to were comfortable you climbed onto the bed laying down with your head placed on the plump pillow.

There was a knock at the door before Arthur crept back inside the room. He closed the door behind himself before finally letting his eyes find you. His mouth dropped slightly before he took a large gulp finding you in this slight state of undress. The shirt you had borrowed fell down to the middle of your thighs but both your legs were on show to him. You sat up slightly leaning on both elbows and you let yourself look over him. He was standing at the door with just his jeans on, his suspenders left to hang by his legs. You couldn’t help but gaze over him, his upper body was toned with hair gracing his chest leading a path down his stomach into his jeans. The both of you were silent as you allowed yourself to explore with your eyes. Your heart was racing in your chest and a new warm feeling began aching between your legs. You had both seen each other like this when you spent the night away from camp hunting but at that point you avoided looking over each other. This time you both welcomed each other to look. You could feel your heart begining to race as you felt his eyes wonder down your body.

‘’I wondered where my shirt had gotten too’’ Arthur said in a low tone as he slowly made his way over to you. His voice seemed to vibrate through you, making the ache between your legs worsen. This feeling was foreign to you and you began to think something was wrong with you.

‘’I may have forgotten to give it back’’ you admitted shyly, watching every step he made towards you. His shoulders were broad leading to his muscled arms that you longed to warp around you. You couldn't hide the slight shaking in your breath as he got closer. Arthur slowly sat down on the bed beside you and licked his lips. Your chest felt like it was going to burst open as he rested a hand on the bare skin of your leg, just below your knee. The sensation of just his touch sent shivers throught your body. The heat between your legs was intensifying with every passing moment and a knot in the bottom of your stomach started to grow. You slowly looked over his body and back up to meet his striking blue eyes. He didn't shy his gaze away once you met his. There was a look on his face you had never seen before. It was hungry but weary at the same time. You suddenly had a growing awareness of your need for him. You needed him to kiss you. You needed him to touch you and you needed him to relieve this unfamiliar burning feeling between your legs.

--

Chapter 13

@kashasenpai

[undercoverclover]

Land Or Sea

Part 1

Genre: A giant mix of angst, fluff and spice if you want to call it that?

Pairing: Lee x Ari

Warnings: Mentions of death... I think that's it?

Word Count: ≈6k total

-My twist on The Little Mermaid for the Tell A Fairytale event hosted by @acewriters 

“Ari! Wait for me! You know it’s harder for me to swim with my hurt fin!” I hear from behind me. Looking back I see the bright orange hair covering my friends eyes. Brushing it aside, he huffs at me.

“Oh come on, River. Don’t be such a guppy!” I laugh. My younger friend, though he was almost a whole half a tail taller than me, had hurt his fin two weeks ago and though it had gotten a lot better, he was still slower than me.

“Oh hush you or I’m going to tell Mal that you’re going where you're not supposed to be.” I hear him snicker.

“Go right on ahead, then I’ll tell her that you were with me. Let’s see who’s in the dog house then.” I look behind me at his face. Noticing his lips in a tight line and his eyes glaring knives at me, I grin.

“That’s what I thought.” I snicker.

Mal is my best friend and the royal advisor to my father, Triton, the king of the sea. She is so much fun to be around, but let us get caught in a forbidden area and I’d never hear the end of it. River is her boyfriend, so it’d be double trouble for him… Especially with the hurt fin.

We push a little further, finally noticing the sunken ship we’d been looking for.

“There it is, River!” I smile, waving him forward to hurry.

"You know, if we get caught. Your father is going to throw us in the dungeon for a week." He smiles.

"That's why we can't get caught. Duh."

Swimming to the window, I peek inside. "AH!" jump back as an eel slides out. Grasping my chest, I hear River behind me laughing hysterically. Shooting him a look, I slip through the window. He stands guard as I search to see what I can find. Seeing something shine on the floor out of the corner of my eye, I look over to notice a ballerina figurine.

I pick it up, putting it in the bag on my back.

"Ari, come on. The waters are getting darker. We need to get back."

"Just 5 more minutes."

"Ari, now." He said, starting to get agitated.

"5 more minutes Ri!" I plead.

"Ariel! Let's go now!" He demanded.

"Fine!" I grumble, "I swear."

Heading back out of the window, I noticed it had gotten darker. It looked like there was a storm rolling in, but there were no signs of it when we came this way.

"Alright, we need to hurry back." I say, avoiding his 'I told you so' gaze.

Swimming as fast as he could, I tried to help him.

"Okay, this is my bad. We should have left earlier."

"I couldn't have left earlier. Now, let's get moving. Mal is going to have our tails for this."

Right, I’d had to wait on him because he’d wanted to spend time with Mal before she had to go to my father’s council meeting. Those things always lasted forever.

Finally reaching the city, we parted ways and I headed home. Swimming in the door, I notice Mal in the living room.

"We need to talk." She says.

We go up to my room and I place my bag on my desk.

"You missed the meeting today."

"What meeting? I never go- Oh snap! I completely forgot I was supposed to be there today. I'm sorry Mal!" I say, feeling horrid.

"Your father is furious. You may want to apologize to him, not me. I have a feeling someone else is going to be apologizing to me."

"I will… I'm going."

-------------------

Apologizing to my father had been a failure. I'd spent most of the evening trying to apologize. I'm grounded, even though I'm an adult. The joy of being a princess, you never fully escaped.

I'd made my way back to my room after that chaos and collapsed on my bed. Looking out of my window, I see something flickering at the top of the water.

It was distant but I got curious. Swimming closer, I notice it's flames! I swim up. There's pieces of wood and trinkets falling everywhere now, I have to dodge them.

I poke my head above the water and hear men screaming for someone from a lifeboat.

"Lee! Lee? Where are you?" They yell. They look around frantically, but never see me or the man. They head away. I'm assuming giving up hope.

I begin wandering around and looking, pushing pieces out of my way.

I happen to notice him stuck on a piece of wood drifting off in the opposite direction. He had been hit by something, knocking him out and had a cut on his head.

"Oh! Wait!" But they were already too far gone. I decide to take him myself. I grab the wood and push him in the direction of the beach a few miles away. It wasn't easy but I managed. He weighed more than he looked and I'm not huge myself, but I finally made it to shore. The sun was coming up now. The only thing I could do was drag him off the wood and onto what little sand I could get to.

He was beautiful. Brown hair that was fluffy after it had dried on the way here, sharp features and a small scar on his left side of his face.

He groaned.

Oh no… I start to head back to the water.

His eyes flutter open and look directly at me, his brown eyes shining in the morning sun, "You saved me."

"I did. If not you would have drowned. Now, I have to leave. I'm sorry."

"Wait!"

It was too late, I was already in the water and swimming home.

Wow. A human. A man. A gorgeous one at that…

I make my way into my bedroom window and get under my blankets, hoping nobody noticed I was missing.

"Where have you been?" I hear from the corner of my room. I jump and look over.

"River! You can't do that to someone!"

"Answer the question, Ari."

"I took a swim. Now I'm going back to sleep."

"Yeah okay. If you say so." He swims out of the window, agitated and I lay there daydreaming of the man I saved.

The next few days that passed, all I could see was his face. I want to see him again. I will. I'll go and see him tonight! I manage to keep my excitement down to a minimum, only River and Mal notice. Which is normal because I spend a lot of time with them.

I go to bed early, and sneak out. Swimming until I arrive at the beach where I'd left him. He was walking along it. His brown hair straight, in a white sweater and slacks. He was holding his shoes as he walked, feeling the sand on his feet. I wish I could do that.

He looks my way and I hide behind a rock.

"Hello? I saw you! Please don't be shy!"

"I'm sorry! I'm not supposed to be here! It's forbidden!" I yell to him from behind the rock.

"But you saved me."

"I did and I'd do it again."

"At least tell me your name."

"I'm sorry, I have to go."

"Please!"

I'd gone under before I could say more. I feel bad about leaving him standing there so I decide to go back there tonight to see if he was there. Lo’ and behold, he was. I decide to swim close enough so he could see me.

“What’s your name?” Lee asks, wide brown eyes looking in my direction, as if he’s not believing what he’s seeing.

“Why should I tell you? So you can tell all your friends of my existence and they can hunt me down?” I say.

“No! Of course not! I’m in awe… I want to thank the woman that saved my life, properly.” My mouth opens in shock as he continues, “I saw a glimpse of you last time, I just want to know your name to match your face. Which is much more beautiful up close, if I may say.”

“Ariel.”

“Ariel? Well, it’s so nice to meet you Ariel. Thank you for risking your life to save mine.” He smiles.

“Ari.” I say, smiling, “Call me Ari.”

I went back the next few nights, singing to signal him that I’d arrived, I waited for him to come out. He hears me and comes out, smiling, coming to sit on the rock at our meeting spot. We talk until he’s so tired he couldn’t keep his eyes open and I had to tell him I’d come back tomorrow because I need to get back before my father wakes. We continued this for a few weeks and I grew to love talking to him. He was funny and handsome and I became comfortable with him. He’s the first human to see me, the first human I felt a connection to.

I couldn’t hide my happiness any longer, I had to tell someone. I knock on Mal’s door, after returning from my visit with Lee, so it was around 6 a.m. River answers, with a strange look on his face.

“What are you doing here so early and why are you so smiley?” He asks.

“I need to talk to your girlfriend.”

“Alright, come in.” He says, moving aside so I can slip by, “she’s in the bedroom still.”

“Okay, thank you.”

Opening their bedroom door, I see Mal laying in bed, reading. She’s normally up and ready for work by now.

“Hey. You’re here early this morning.” She chuckles, closing her book.

“Yes, I am. I haven’t been to bed yet,” My smile fades, worrying about her. “Are you okay? Normally you are about to come to the palace. You’ve felt sick for a few weeks lately.”

“I’m fine, I just needed a day off. I was grateful your father approved,”

“Of course he would! You’re like a daughter to him, not just his advisor. He takes anything that you say seriously. So if you needed a day, he’d do it in a heartbeat.” I smile.

She smiles at me and pats my hand, “You guys and Riv are the only family I have, I’m happy with that. Now tell me, why did you come in here smiling to no end.

“It’s a slightly long story. Do you have time? And remember, this is best friend territory, okay? Completely sworn to secrecy, until death”

“I have all day. Well, as much as needed. I’d like to stay in this bed all day if possible.” She smiles and nods. I chuckle and dive into my story about everything, starting with the shipwreck.

Her face went from mortified that I was being so careless, to understanding. To say she was mad at first, was an understatement…

“Why would you do this, repeatedly, without telling anyone Ariel? Do you know how stupid that was? You could have been hurt!” She panics, causing River to come in and check on her.

“Please, Mal, calm down. Let me explain.” She calms down, but River doesn’t want to leave her side. Mal reassures him she’s fine now and leaves us to finish our talk. She breathes deep a few times and signals me to continue.

I explain what has been going on and the talks Lee and I have had. About how he is an only child, and his parents passed away when he was in school far away. How he’s managing the small kingdom he runs, on his own. I also explain that he’s seen me and that he is the type, like she, to hold that secret until death. She isn’t happy that I showed myself to a human, but she understands taking leaps of faith because Mal and River were never supposed to be together either. Seeing her understand what I’m dealing with and being there for me even though she’s not happy with the situation, I feel tears in my eyes. She’s genuinely happy for me. And her and River’s hopeful love story of forbidden love, leads me into my next dilemma.

I also tell her that I think I love him,,,

She smiles widely, “I always tell you not to do what I’ve done. Seems you one upped me, in that department anyway. You fell for a human, but I have my own secret to tell you.” I smile and laugh. Grabbing the pillow beside her and smacking her with it playfully.

“Someone has to make you look good. What is your secret? Tell me. Tell me.”

She leans forward and whispers in my ear. My eyes get wide and I’m so happy that I could scream. She shushes me and I hold in my excitement.

“Mhmm. Sure. So as your best friend, when are you going back to meet him?”

“Tonight. I really need to get home to sleep for a while.” I laugh looking at the time, 8:43 a.m.

“Yeah, you may want to, in case your dad looks for you this morning.” She laughs.

River knocks on the door and pokes his head in, “May I have my girlfriend back now?”

“Yes, you may. I was just about to leave.” I smile, getting up and giving her a hug, “Thank you for understanding.”

She nods, “Just remember to let me know some way that you’re going. I don’t care if you leave a pebble on my windowsill.”

I laugh but agree and head home, finding my bed and drifting off to sleep within minutes. I wake up to eat before slipping out for the night. I swing by Mal’s and place a pebble I’d painted a yellow smiley face with a blue heart, on her window; smiling I take off to meet Lee.

I began to sing when I went tonight, hoping he'd hear me and appear, yet he didn’t… I decide to wait for him. I'm beginning to worry after a few hours of him not showing...

"He's not here my dear." I hear behind me. Spinning around, I see the sea witch.

"Why? What's going on?"

"He's sick, my dear."

"Sick? Sick how!?"

"He fell ill yesterday morning."

"But that's impossible! I spoke to him just last night!"

"Well, he must have hidden it really well or really wanted to talk to you."

"Oh no. No! I have to get to him. I have to help him."

I need to find a way. I would.

“I'm sorry. I've got to go." I start to go around the witch to get home.

"I can help him."

"What do you mean you can help him?" I ask, cautiously.

"I can fix him for a price."

“What price?” I ask, more nervous this time.

“Give me your voice and I’ll fix him right now.” she demands.

“You could do that?”

“Yes, I could.”

“I- I don’t know if I could do that.”

“Well, if you decide to. Follow the current south from the castle. I assume you know how to get there though.”

I nod and take off home.

I swim as fast as I can and make it back before dawn. Instead of going home, I make a stop at Mal’s. I need to talk to her. Knocking on her door, I realize she may still be asleep, even though she gets up early, it’s still too early for her.

To my surprise, she answers the door…”Ari, what are you doing here? Is everything alright at the castle?” she asks, her eyes growing worrisome.

“At the castle, yes. But, I need your advice as my best friend and not the royal advisor.” I say.

She asks me to come in and I begin telling her everything. River is still asleep, so it’s like old times.

“So, you’re saying that you really love him? Even though you barely know him and may never know him in any other way and you want to help him?” She asks, “And yes, I know you feel like you know him through your talks.”

“Yes. And I know it sounds weird, but I have to.”

“Best friend’s advice only? Don’t go to the witch. She’s mean and cruel. Scope the beach out and make sure she’s not lying. Maybe your father would grant you time on land, if you told him it was to only make sure he was okay?” she suggests.

“Okay, I’ll talk to father when I get home. Thank you, Mal.”

“You’re welcome, Ari. And do me a favor, don’t take River out so far next time. His fin is doing better, but it’s been aching again for the past few days.” She smiles, coming to hug me and send me on my way.

“You got it. Thanks again.” I hug her back and head home.

Father was already awake and in the dining area. I decided to tell him the truth. Even if it meant getting punished.

“You did what?” He demands, getting angry.

“Father, please.” I plead, “I told you what I did and I’ve found out he’s sick. I need to see him and help.”

“You disobeyed me too many times, Ariel. Absolutely not! Why should I even remotely want to do this for you?”

“Because I love him! And I will do this one way or another Father, please. I’m asking for your help, not the help I’ve been offered already, but I will go to her if that’s the only option I have.”

“You think you love him. What other offer?” he says, angrily.

I stand tall, even though my insides are twisting from anxiety, “The sea witch.”

“Ariel, you will do no such thing! She’s a witch and an evil one at that!” He says, getting up from his seat.

“I will father. I may be a princess, but I am also an adult.”

“Ariel…” He says, hurt by my words.

I turn and walk out, hoping he’ll think about it and agree.

“Wait,” he says and I turn around, “I will help you, on one condition.”

“What? Anything, please.”

“I will grant you legs in order to go help him for 2 days and only two. But at the end of the second day, you will come back home. No questions or complaints. You will come back home and resume your duties as princess.”

“Deal.” I say, without hesitation.

With reluctance, even after I promise to come back, my father agrees to take me at the end of the night.

“Ariel, what are you planning on doing?” I hear as I come out of the dining area, where father had been eating breakfast. I look around and see River, arms crossed, looking at me.

“I’m doing what I have to do,” I reply.

“Mal told me. You don’t have to do this. You don’t know this man.”

“I do, River. I really do. Please don’t do this. Mal trusts me, that’s all I’m asking from you.” I say, sadly.

He shakes his head at me. “I hope so.”

He leaves and I get things ready and make some medicine for Lee, hoping it will work better than human medicine. I get completely ready and when I finish, I decide to nap.

“Ariel, wake up.” I hear and I shift in my bed.

“Ariel.” I hear again, opening my eyes slowly.

“What is it father?” I ask.

“Are you still wanting to go?” He asks. I jump up and grab my bag and the dress I was planning to wear.

“I’m ready.” I say, in a serious tone.

He smiles, “You really are willing to do this?

“It’s the easiest decision of my life, Father.” I smile at him.

“You really are your mother’s daughter. The most like her out of you and your sisters.”

I feel tears sting my eyes. My mother had fallen ill after she had me and passed. I never knew her like my 4 sisters did and always wondered. I hug my father tightly, happy to hear what he told me.

“Now, come Ariel, let’s get this done.”

I nod and we set out for the beach where I had met Lee on many nights and talked until early morning. We swim for a while, not bothered by the silence between us. Once we get there, I speak first, “This is it, What do I do now?” I ask, looking at my father.

“Go to him, do what you must and be back in two days' time. I will be waiting here at the same time as now.” He says and I smile and hug him tightly.

“Thank you. I love you.” I say, quietly.

I head close to shore to where I could touch sand and my father swirls his trident on top of the water. Feeling weird sensations in my fins, I look down, only to notice legs. Human legs… I smile, looking up at my father and wave my toes at him.

He laughs, tossing my bag at me. I grab the blue dress wrapped around my bag and slip it on, it’s wet, but it’ll dry soon enough.

“Be safe and strong, my darling Ariel. I will see you soon.” He says, smiling sadly and disappearing under the water to return to our home.

[irie-kun306]

Deux Mondes

Chapter I

"how did I get here, how did it all end up like this?"

"ah! yes! I remember, that woman who thinks she knows everything! She got me into this and now I don't even know where the hell I am!!!!"

"Although... now that I remember it well.... it's my fault too... I was so damn distracted by... agh, fuck it! Forget it, better forget it. I didn't even stop to ask him what that device he had invented was all about... I just remember he said something about traveling to different places in different time... or something like that?"

"well that doesn't matter anymore...what's done is done...but.... where am I..."

.

.

.

.

TIME BEFORE THE FAILURE OF THE EXPERIMENT...

The sun peeks through a window the thin rays of its white light, the person in the room stirs in his sheets, the sun has hit his face directly, it is 5:30 AM, he gets up heavily, goes to the bathroom and takes a cold shower, he let the jets of cold water hit his body, the water slid down his soft and somewhat tanned skin, changing the temperature of it.

She comes out of the bathroom, she looks at herself in the mirror, her hair was still dripping, she only used a towel around her waist, she takes another towel from the closet and gently dries her hair, she decides to wear her usual clothes, but with a difference, today she will not wear the armor, in front of the mirror she puts on the remaining clothes, she has finished, still in front of the mirror she looks at her face, He swallows thickly and exhales heavily, it is the day, he has decided, he has thought about it for a long time, now everything is clear, he will tell her, he will tell her what he has felt for so long since he saw her, he will finally tell her what he had denied for so long, "his feelings".

He slides the glass door and takes flight, he will go to that place, that place where so many times he used to meet him to train, that place where he saw them get carried away by the emotion of the sound of their fists colliding on the opponent's skin, that place where they seemed to be themselves, without ties, without regrets, without anyone else but the two of them, a universe in which they were the only inhabitants.

But this time it was different, this time it was he who summoned him to that place. And there he was, waiting for him, something very rare indeed, he is not usually very punctual, but there he was, he turned when he felt his presence and gave him a smile, this accelerated a little more his already agitated heart.

He slowly steps forward until his boots touch the grass, he slowly approaches and the other does the same.

-Hello vegeta!!!" he says naturally as every time he sees him.

-Kakaroto- he says, trying to disguise his nervousness a little, he can hear how his heart beats, <<how noisy>> he thinks, but he doesn't take off his typical mask of "I don't care about anything", that mask that has helped him since time immemorial since he can remember.

-It's strange that you asked me to come to train, it's more common that I'm the one who asks you to come," he says a little surprised. But he plays it down, "Well, let's get started then," he says, getting into a fighting pose.

-I didn't call you for that," he says coldly.

Goku leaves his battle pose and with a big question mark looks at him puzzled.

-So?" he asks.

-There's something I have to tell you..." Now you could notice a bit of his nervousness, he took a long breath and looked away.

-y... What do you have to tell me?" curiosity had invaded him.

-Kakaroto... I... I've realized that you are a formidable warrior, it's hard for me to admit it, but that's how it is..." he was still looking to the side.

-Goku didn't say anything, he was stupefied, Vegeta saying that he was a formidable warrior? That was something strange, it was even scaring him a little, maybe this morning he had woken up in an alternate world or maybe he was still asleep.

-You are very childish and innocent sometimes, that was something that bothered me, I couldn't believe that there was a benevolent sayajin who fights just for fun. For a while I hated you with all my strength, I focused that all I felt for you was hatred because you always surpassed me in powers, my pride is something I have put before all things, and I stayed on earth with the excuse of wanting to surpass you, but I have realized that was a lie... I was lying to myself, now I know it. I realized it in that battle with Majin Boo- he was still looking at the horizon, but now he turns and looks at him with great decision in the eyes.

-Now I know what I feel for you," he says looking at Goku, who was still without saying a word but was looking at Vegeta with great attention, even though he couldn't believe what his ears were hearing.

-And you better listen well because I won't repeat it, insect," he closes his eyes, takes a long breath and slowly lets it out and opens his eyes, "and- ... I love you Kakaroto... I love you," he blurts out with great decision and without hesitation.

Goku's face was like "What?" the poor guy didn't believe it, then he thought, << Vegeta sure is joking... if that must be... it's the most logical thing>> is then that he laughs as only he knows how to do it, now Vegeta was the one who had a face of complete surprise.

Goku straightened up and looked at his eternal rival, he looked him in the eyes, those deep black eyes that made him feel so strange, now that he thought about it, he never hated the prince, in fact, he always liked him, even when he was his enemy, his intention was never to kill him or anything like that, he was always the only one who he could always face almost as equals, the only one who seemed to understand him, the only one who never judged him or forced him to do something he didn't want <<like working for example>> but. ... Could it be that what she feels for him... that nervousness, that inexplicable happiness she felt when she saw him coming... but then came to his mind the memory of Gohan, Goten and Milk, his family, he couldn't just leave her, now that he had some time with Milk he could understand the meaning of some things, and the fact that Vegeta loved him meant that if he loved him back he would have to leave his current family. No! he couldn't leave his family for something he didn't even know if he really felt, and thinking about that he decided.

-Vegeta... I don't love you... I don't see you that way... you are... my friend and I can't see you as something else... but, I want us to keep training as usual... so... how about if we pretend this never happened? Yes?...- he said even a little hesitantly.

The answer for Vegeta was like a bucket of the coldest water that could exist, he felt how ice daggers pierced his chest, Goku's words gave no respite to his broken heart, it was broken, the sound it made when it broke sure could be heard even on the other side of the continent, and then the very synical one comes out with

"but I want to keep training with you so... how about we pretend this never happened?"

Vegeta stood there in silence looking like he was gathering anger, hidden even in a surprised face.

-Well Vegeta... if we don't train today then let's train tomorrow..... well then bye- he said seeing that Vegeta didn't react, he put his fingers on his forehead and saying bye he gave him a last smile and teleported home.

He was left alone there... with his heart shattered, he had opened up to him, he showed him his feelings and put them in his hands, and what did he do? He squeezed those feelings as if they were nothing and threw them on the ground and then trampled on them as if they were nothing but garbage, the stabbing pain in his chest, a lump in his throat and endless tears that he did not let go because his pride came out at that moment, his pride that is what always kept him out of this danger that not even all the powers of the world could defeat. Now he would cling to it.

-Then you want me to forget it.... don't you?"-his voice threatened to crack, but he clenched his fists tightly, and looked straight ahead,-then so be it..... - he blurted out angrily.

Vegeta flew back to capsule corp. He got into his room, took off all his clothes and got into the bathtub, he wanted the hot water to take away all those memories, he wanted the relaxing smell of salts and oils to penetrate his thoughts and cloud everything until nothing was left, he looked at the white floor of the bathroom, as if he was looking for the meaning of life, his look was sad.

She sank into the large bathtub, a few minutes passed, holding her breath was something of the simplest.

When he got out he went to the closet and put on some black spandex, a white tank top, this one was a little loose and the fall of it marked the hips of its user in an extremely sensual way, he also put on some Nike air Jordan type flight sneakers, but he didn't

He was not entirely comfortable, "stupid shoes" he said "why does Bulma have to buy me this kind of shoes? I like my usual boots better."

So he exchanged them for his white boots and then put on some leather fingerless biker gloves.

He went downstairs to train in the gravity chamber, surely training with all his strength would make him forget, he always did.

Bulma was in the laboratory, she was making a new invention, this time she would try to win that international fair of scientists, she would surpass all those illusions that did not believe that she deserved that blessed prize.

Her invention now consisted of a machine that would make people travel through time, but it was not like the other machine she invented, this one would not only make them travel to another time but also transport them to other universes at the same time.

But she felt that her calculations might be wrong, something did not fit, maybe some algorithm was wrongly written, but she had to test it, she had to test the machine to clear these doubts and find the problem that did not let her move forward, but with whom? With whom?

It is then that the answer to her prayers passes by her door, Vegeta who was passing by to go to the gravity chamber to start training, was interrupted by the voice of her friend.

"In this case Bulma knew that Vegeta was not with her for love, but for the fact of taking responsibility for his actions << Trunks>> but the earth woman had endeared herself to the sayajin prince, not in the way she wanted but she had managed to make a space in his heart, she had managed to become his friend, so she had been content to at least be that in the prince's life."

-Vegeta!" the woman calls him.

-What do you want, woman? Can't you see I'm busy," he said a little tired, he was not in the mood to talk to someone.

-Come on, Vegeta, don't be like that... I just need you for a moment... I won't keep you long.

It is then that Vegeta looks at her and looks around, he sees that there is a new machine, it is then that he understood, "so you want to try that, don't you?" it was then that without listening to the woman he crossed his arms and went straight to the machine and at once he entered it.

-Hurry up woman, I don't have all day," said Vegeta in the machine.

It is then that Bulma runs to the computer, inserts coordinates, prepares the machine and looks at Vegeta.

-Well Vegeta, the purpose of the machine is to take you...".

-Yeah! -Woman... Just get on with it and get it over with," says Vegeta, interrupting her, already a little tired.

-What a genius..." says Bulma, but why get into an argument, when he gets like that there's no one who can beat him.

Bulma closed the door of the machine, went to the front of the PC and started to look at the logarithms, graphs and everything and then put on some protective glasses.

Everything seemed to be going well, the portal would be next to the machine as Bulma had planned... but.... something went wrong, the PC began to fail and the data and coordinates to distort, the machine began to crumble and everything began to spark, Bulma wanted to stop everything but could not, Vegeta inside the machine only saw how everything began to get chips, Vegeta tried to get out but when he wanted to touch the door the machine exploded, during the explosion Vegeta closed his eyes due to the light, Bulma during the big flash only managed to see how Vegeta fell into the portal next to him and it closed with him.

-Vegeta!!!" shouted the woman, she ran to the PC and almost fell off the desk, she put it back in its position and tried to turn it on, but it wouldn't turn on, she was totally desperate, where did he send Vegeta, did he kill him, did he send him to an unknown dimension, did he leave him lost in space time, could he come back?

Bulma couldn't stop thinking about where Vegeta could be... the only thing she remembered, or rather the only thing she could see was Vegeta falling into the portal and disappearing with it.

Trunks arrived a few minutes later, he had heard the explosion from far away and a little closer to home he heard his mother's scream.

-Mom," said Trunks.

-Trunks...- Bulma approaches the little boy and hugs him, the youngest still doesn't know the cause of his mother's sudden behavior.

Then he looks at the whole mess, he doesn't know what happened, he starts to analyze, he remembers he heard his mother shouting his father's name, he thinks they fought.... but no... that would be something strange... his father would not destroy the laboratory, but where was he then?... he wanted to locate his ki but he could not find it, it is then that he separates from his mother and asks.

-Mom... Where is daddy? I can't feel his ki....

.

.

.

PRESENT TENSE

As he sits in a meadow surrounded by white wildflowers, he notices that he is on the earth, but something is different... it feels and looks like the earth but it is different... something is wrong.

"how did i get here?"

Hey... hi everyone, this is just a test, something just to see if you were interested in this story, this crossover fanfic.

Comment if you liked it and if you expect one more chapter.

[nxnoire]

Desiderium

Don’t Let Them See You Cry

Part One Part Two Part Four

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug

My third prompt for @badthingshappenbingo

———

Chat Noir had become a stray cat, roaming Paris trying to find a place to stay the night. It had been close to a half hour since he had barged out of his house. At first, he just needed to get out and make sense of the spinning thoughts in his head. Now that he had calmed down, he realized the danger of being out in the streets. The sun was slowly inching towards the horizon, nighttime coming soon to swallow the city in darkness. He wasn't safe out in the streets alone as a 15-year-old boy. His father—Hawkmoth could easily akumatize him, too. For once, he wished the demon wouldn't go looking for his lost son.

He jumped from rooftop to rooftop, trying to think of what to do. Marinette's house stood in front of him. He had considered Nino, but nobody was home. He'd crash with Alya, but she'd make a big deal out of it. All he needed was somebody who would help him without question. Marinette was the perfect person.

She sat on her rooftop balcony, sketching in her sketchbook. What would she think if he just waltzed in and asked her to shelter the superhero that was supposed to be a figure to look up to? Coming in as Adrien would be his best bet, but, still, it'd be like hitting a brick wall either way. How he would explain himself without giving his secret identity away, he had no idea.

There probably wasn't a good way to. All he'd be able to say is that his father was evil and he ran away. Basically, downplay the story until she was ready to hear the truth. Until he was ready. Truthfully, he didn't think he'd ever be ready to tell her, no matter how much it'd bug him.

He hopped off the roof and landed in an empty alley. Once he made sure nobody was around, he detransformed.

Plagg flew out of the ring and yawned, his yawn resembling a meow. "Did you find a place to stay yet?" He asked, expressing genuine concern for his owner.

"Yeah. We're gonna stay with Marinette for a while," he answered, beginning to head out of the alley.

Plagg didn't waste his time complaining. The kid needed to be with someone he knew. He needed someone that would understand him when he was ready to reveal his secrets. Someone that would save him and risk their own secret if necessary. He needed Ladybug, even if he didn't know it was her.

He hid in Adrien's pocket as they exited the safety of the alley. Adrien took a deep breath and crossed the street, walking closer and closer to the Dupain-Cheng bakery. Inside the shop was Marinette's mother, her father probably making pastries behind her. He'd just walk in that way and tell them he was there to get make-up work, or something like that.

He opened the shop door, causing a bell to ring. Sabine put on her retail face and looked up, but shed the mask when she saw it was Adrien who walked in. "Hello, Adrien, are you here to see Marinette?" she asked warmly.

"Yeah, is she here? I need help with the work I missed today," he said with his best fake smile.

"She should be in her room."

"Thank you, ma'am." He smiled and walked towards the door. He waved to Tom, who waved back, flour covering his hands and apron.

Once he walked into the apartment, he shed his  mask, a more comfortable frown laying on his face. Slowly, he made his way upstairs to Marinette's room. For some reason, he was nervous to be there. What was he supposed to say? Her friend just barges in unexpectedly asking to stay with her for an unknown period of time. Not exactly normal to say the least.

Marinette's room was void of her presence, as expected. He walked over to her ladder and climbed it, careful not to fall. Quietly, he poked his head out of the trap door and looked at the girl. She was unaware of his presence, her concentration deep in her newest design.

"Marinette?" He called softly.

Marinette threw her sketchbook, shot up and turned around. "A-Adrien?!" She looked at him, flustered. "I thought you were kisk–I mean sick!"

He shook his head. "It's a long story..."

She noticed whatever it was seemed to be bothering him. "Do you need to talk about it?"

"Can we?"

She nodded and walked over to him, her heart beating quickly. As they stepped down the ladder, she noticed that her hands were shaking and sweaty. It was all normal to her, but she really wished that in that moment her body would stop freaking out.

They walked over to her desk and sat down in the chairs, facing each other. "So...what's wrong?" she asked, worried.

Adrien looked at the ground. No matter how much he wanted to avoid telling her the story, he had to. He was in her bedroom, the point of no return. Whatever he said, he knew wouldn’t leave the house, through. That comforted him just enough to push him to tell her. "I can't go back home. It's not safe. Not now at least."

"What? Why?"

He sighed heavily. "I just found out my father is Hawkmoth."

Marinette’s eyes were about to pop out of her skull. Of all people she could have been fighting, it had to be Gabriel Agreste. The world-famous fashion designer she looked up to. The father of her crush. Why, of all people, did it have to be him? Why couldn’t it have been anyone else? Someone that didn’t affect her friends. “Adrien...” she muttered sadly, his tears reflecting on her eyes.

Her hands reached out but stopped, not knowing what to do. As Ladybug she found it easy to comfort others. As Marinette...not so much. Especially when the person crying was Adrien. Usually, she hugged those in need and assured them that everything would be alright. It wouldn’t work this time. Nothing would ever alright. What he had just gone through was so harsh that he would never recover. It wasn’t something Ladybug could fix by throwing a Lucy Charm in the air. It wasn’t something capturing an akuma would fix. Capturing Hawkmoth wouldn’t help.

“I’m so sorry...” A hot tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” she repeated, hating for herself for not knowing how to help him. “Please, stay here.” She sniffled and grabbed his hands, feeling the fallen droplets on his skin. He looked up at her, wanting to cry even more that he had made her cry too. “I promise you with my life that I will protect you. You’re safe here. Just...don’t go. I don’t know what’d happen if you didn’t have somewhere safe to stay.” She took in a shaky breath. “Please don’t leave me.”

Adrien smiled weakly, a smile that shattered Marinette’s heart. He was happy that he found a new home, even if it was temporary. There would be lively dinners, human interaction, people that truly cared about him, and, above all, no Miraculous to worry about, except for his own, of course. His face couldn’t display that joy. The pain was far too strong. Still, he forced himself to smile through the strong frown. “Thank you, Marinette.”

Without hesitation, he pulled her into a large hug. He held her tightly, a combination of needing human contact and not wanting to loose the only person that was there to protect him.

Marinette didn’t freak out for the first time in a while. Seeing him so raw had in turn made her raw, which worked in her favor as it curbed her anxiety. She closed her eyes and smiled, the last of her tears falling onto his shoulders.

After embracing each other for a few long moments, they pulled away. Adrien rubbed his eyes with his sleeve, the waterfall finally coming to a halt. He yawned, all of the sudden emotions tiring him out. His chronic lack of sleep wasn’t much help, either.

Marinette, rubbing her eyes, stood up and pushed her chair in. “Do you need anything? I could fix dinner for you, if you’d like.”

“No, but thank you. I just need sleep.” He ruffled his already messy hair.

Marinette finally took notice of how horrible he looked. His hair was a mess, nothing like the perfectly groomed hair Adrien normally donned. Instead of his typical outfit, he wore a hoodie and sweatpants. He hadn’t even bothered to grab tennis shoes, his feet fitting snug in a pair of slide-on sandals. The kindness that usually sat in his eyes was replaced with a gray haze. Dried tears he hadn’t bothered to wash off sat on top of the dark circles underneath them. This wasn’t the picture-perfect-company-image-Adrien she had come to know. This was his true form, him at his true worst.

"Maybe you should take a shower first," she suggested. Once her words registered, she became flustered again. "N-not that you're bad how you are now! I just thought-"

"No, I understand. I haven't been in the best mood lately. I think the shower can wait until tomorrow. Tonight, I need to separate myself from my old home."

An arrow shot through Marinette’s heart, shattering the broken pieces she had begun to put back together. It was almost impossible for her to imagine what it must have been like to be forced to leave all he loved behind. “Do you need to go back there and get a few things? I’d be glad to help.” She would 100% help him as Ladybug. The only problem was explaining how she got Ladybug to do it for her. In such a troubling time, she would willingly reveal her identity to help, but she couldn’t trust him, no matter how much she wanted to. This was Hawkmoth’s son. Even if she knew he was pure, she couldn’t take any chances.

“I can’t go back there. My father, he’d try to hurt me.” He looked at his Miraculous, and made himself aware of Plagg’s presence in his hoodie, half-wishing he had never been given it.

“Why would he do that? I’m sure he still loves you, even if he is...bad.”

"I can't explain it. If I did, it'd only put you in more danger."

"More danger?"

"He can find me, no matter where I am. He knows every single person I associate with. He's going to send my bodyguard and Nathalie. They're going to find out where I am eventually. If they can't, he'll just send over an akuma and figure it out easily." He sighed. "And I can't be akumatized.”

“If you were akumatized, I’m sure Ladybug and Chat Noir would help you.” She saw something strange flash in his eyes. “Besides...I don’t think I’d be in any more danger.” She was. She was Ladybug. She had the Miraculous his father wanted. If he found Adrien and her together, and tired to hurt her for helping him...he would figure it out easily and things wouldn’t be so pretty.

“What’s the worst he could do,” she continued, “akumatize me? If neither of us have a Miraculous, there’s no way he’d be able to do much harm to us.”

Plagg squirmed in the hoodie, hitting Adrien’s chest. It was tacit that the kwami was trying to warn him against mentioning his Miraculous. “It doesn’t matter. This will only end in pain. He’s going to find a way to get the Miraculous. He’s angry. Really angry. There’s going to be a really strong akuma soon, and it’s probably going to be me.”

"Not on my watch." He looked back up at Marinette. "I know how to avoid akumatization. All you have to do is tell yourself there's another way out, and he can't hurt you. Besides, he can't just come into my house and take you. If it comes down to it, we can run off to someone else's house. For now, though, we stay here and keep our eyes open."

But I have a Miraculous. It's extremely dangerous here, Adrien wished he could say.

It is dangerous being around him. I have a Miraculous, Marinette thought, weighing the good and bad.

Adrien stood up. "Can I go to bed now? I think I need to hit reset for a bit."

Marinette nodded. "You can sleep in my bed, if you'd like. I can sleep down here for a while until we figure something out."

"Can you lay with me? I don't feel comfortable being alone." He scratched the back of his head and looked to the side.

"U-uh, yes, I'd love to! Ah, I mean-yes, I'd love to help! Yeah, I'm always ready to help my best friend!"

Adrien smiled. Another yawn came over him, signaling he was about to crash. He climbed onto the bed, it’s warmth singing an irresistible song. Marinette followed, not bothering to change out of her normal clothes. A bright blush tinted her face, her anxiety finally coming back. Both teens got under the blanket awkwardly and lay down facing away from each other.

Almost immediately, Adrien fell asleep. He lay completely still, his chest softly rising and falling with his calm breathing. Marinette looked at him and smiled. She was in the same bed as Adrien Agreste! No, she shook her head. He's hurting. This isn't the time to be fangirling.

She turned around and looked at Tikki, who seemed more troubled than Marinette. "Tikki, what's wrong?"

"It's just...I feel so bad for him, and...there's other things that I can't tell you, to keep you safe. I'm sure when he's ready he'll tell you," Tikki explained.

Marinette nodded and turned the light off, enveloping the room in a comfortable darkness. The lights from Paris peeked through the windows, keeping the room from being completely dark. She closed her eyes and found sleep easy to come.

Tikki waited until Marinette had fallen asleep before flying over to Plagg, who had hidden under the bed. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm just worried for him. It's a lot to handle, especially since he's so young," Plagg explained.

Tikki understood completely. "Come lay up here. You don't have to worry here." She flew onto the bed, Plagg following. Both kwamis curled up by their owners and lay, hoping Hawkmoth would be kind that night.

———

Marinette’s eyes slowly opened to the annoying sound of her alarm. She groaned and turned it off, wishing for another couple hours of sleep. Just as she was about to sit up, she felt something laying on her. She looked down. Flesh? Her body froze as she realized what—or who—it was.

A scream almost erupted from her mouth, the sharp pain of her biting her lip preventing it from manifesting. The fact that Adrien had stayed the night had completely gone out the window during her slumber. Surprisingly, he was still fast asleep. He had cuddled up next to her, his arm and leg resting on her.

What was she supposed to do? He looked so peaceful sleeping like that. Cute, even. They couldn't be late to school, though. Well, Marinette couldn't. Not again.

Tikki flew over and gave Marinette a sly grin. Marinette pouted her lip. "This isn't funny!" she whispered. "I slept in the same bed as Adrien Agreste! He slept in my bed!"

All she got in return was that same grin. She turned to face Adrien again, giving up on entrusting her kwami for support. It was now or never. If she hesitated, both of them would be late. She set her hand on his shoulder and shook it softly. "Adrien...it's time to get up."

Luckily, his eyes slid open not long after she began to wake him up. He blinked a couple times, trying to register where he was. Once he came to, he sat up quickly and looked at Marinette, who had already begun to sit up.

"Good morning," Marinette said, trying to hide her embarrassment. She hoped she’d be the only one to remember the position they had slept in."Let's get ready for school, okay?"

He nodded and was the first to get down, not saying a word. Marinette followed, hoping his silence was due to his lack of awareness.

"I can show you the way to the bathroom," she suggested.

"Okay," he muttered, his voice still hoarse from sleeping.

She led him downstairs, only to be greeted by her mother, who had made breakfast for the both of them. "Ah!" Marinette exclaimed, almost falling down the stairs. "M-mom! I can explain it's-"

"Oh, honey, you don't have to explain. I know you're just trying to help a friend out," Sabine said sweetly. "I made breakfast for the both of you!"

Both teens walked over to the table, trying to hide their embarrassment. Adrien had finally begun to wake up and fully realized how strange the situation was. With that also came him remembering the events that took place the day before. He swallowed and looked down at the breakfast made for him.

He looked back up at Marinette, who was staring at the TV behind him. He smiled, without truly knowing why. He snapped out of it and turned to look at the TV, but Marinette stopped him.

"Ah, so, uh, Adrien..." she began, gaining his attention. "I guess I could help you catch up on what you missed yesterday. Once you're done eating, that is."

He nodded. "Thanks, that would help a lot."

Once they had finished eating in awkward silence, Marinette showed Adrien the way to the bathroom, allowing him to take as much time as he needed.

She sighed on the other side of the door and walked over to her mother. "We need to protect him from the news, Mom."

Her mother nodded, watching the broadcast of Gabriel Agreste.

"My son and I had a little...argument last night. He ran off, all of his teen angst getting the better of him. I hope we find him soon."

Marinette narrowed her eyes, knowing the only true reason he wanted Adrien was because he was Hawkmoth. If Adrien was home, then the secret would be safe. He could prevent Adrien from saying a thing just by locking him up and taking his access to the outside world.

Adrien leaned against the vanity, trying not to cry. Of course he remembered every single word his father said to him. He wished he could go back, but he couldn't. Not if his father was...

He refused to put those two names in the same sentence. Maybe if he ignored it, he would eventually be numb to it, just like everything else. He splashed water on his face, cooling it down and washing the budding tears away with it. Once he dried his face, he ran his fingers through his hair, trying to make it look semi-presentable. Tonight, he'd have to return home and get his things, no matter what. He couldn't live with just the clothes in his back, the ring on his finger, and the cell phone in his pocket.

He pulled the phone out and saw texts from his father and Nathalie. He didn't bother reading them before he deleted them. Sighing, he put the phone back in his pocket and walked out of the bathroom.

He noticed Marinette was all ready. He remembered he had forgotten to grab his bag from home, so all of his school work was still there.

Marinette saw he had finished and walked over to him. "We can share notes today. We'll find a way to get your things back later, okay?"

He nodded and followed the girl outside, avoiding the eyes of her parents and the customers. "I'm sorry, again, for dragging you into all of this."

"No, no, don't apologize! I'm always happy to help, Adrien." They crossed the street and walked to the school in silence, both trying to find the right words to say.

Neither of them were able to say anything because Alya and Nino had noticed them walking together. Alya ran over, dragging Nino with her.

"Marinette! Adrien! Fancy seeing you two here," Alya said, obviously wanting a full length essay about why they had come to school together.

"Dude, are you okay? You look horrible," Nino noted, worried for his best friend.

"Oh, yeah, I still don't feel too well," he scratched the back of his head.

"Hmm." Alya narrowed her eyes. "You don't seem sick. Why didn't your bodyguard bring you to school today?"

He froze. "Uh...because, uh..." He could feel himself about to cry with the mention of a piece of his home. He bit his lip, trying to hold back the gushing river.

"It's a long story, guys," Marinette cut in. "How about you let him explain when he's ready?"

Alya was taken aback. "Woah, someone's getting defensive."

"Al, let's just them go," Nino, suggested, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"But this is big news! Marinette not being flustered around Adrien, Adrien looking like he just climbed out of a grave, and both of them arriving to school together without his bodyguard! Is this not–"

"Let it go."

Alya looked at her two friends, who looked more uncomfortable now. She sighed and heeded Nino's advice. "Whatever, just let us know when you're ready."

They all walked inside and into class in silence. Adrien leaned into Marinette's ear. "Can I sit by you today?" He asked.

She nodded, blushing. She sat down and patted the seat next to her, signaling for Adrien to sit down. He sat down and toyed with his Miraculous subconsciously, not having much to do. As he sat in silence, his ears picked up the conversations of others.

Did you hear what happened?

No, what?

Gabriel Agreste just came on the news and said Adrien had run away last night!

But...he's right there.

Where did he go?

What happened to him?

He tried to hold back his tears, but one slid down his cheek, causing the rest of them to flow. There was no sobbing, no messiness. Just tears falling down his cheeks and him burying his head in his arms to hide them.

Marinette noticed he had lay his head down and became concerned. He wasn't one to sleep in class or even rest his head. Still, she let him be, hoping he'd be fine. In his state, he didn’t need to be pestered.

He was anything but fine, but he had to hide his pain. He didn't know why. Maybe if nobody could see his pain, he wouldn't worry others. If he hid his pain then everyone would be safer. Marinette was already in danger. Nobody else needed to be put in danger because of himself.

Once he felt the tears stop, he lifted his head, sniffled, and rubbed his eyes. He rested his head in his hand and spaced out as Miss Bustier began her lesson.

[indomitablemegnolia]

In this petty paced drudgery that called life it is trusted that time is linear; it is trusted that the setting of the sun will happen in just about twelve hours after it rises; it is trusted that each day when it is ended, it is done; ah, but not all time works that way. Some days are nine hundred and eighty hours long marches through the arid deserts of the unknown with not a drop of water for sustenance; some days are torturous hours sitting in a waiting room on hard plastic chairs to hear the same bad news repeatedly; some days are millions of years long with just the droning ticking-n-tocking of a clock and not enough life or will to sit up or even breathe; and some days you recognize the sinuous travels of time as it curves and bends, turning loops in a devious path of graceful treachery, it loops around repeating, crossing over on itself, and winding its way along those days; I know I have been experiencing these days thousands of times; the only thing that changes is pieces of conversations, a breeze for a half hour during the end of the day, possibly the clothes I wear, but not always; in all actuality, it never changes, not one little bit does this horrible hell alter. Then I feel that time passes again; there is no, how long; I have no watch; and time like this can’t be marked on any watch anyway.

Then, that Goddamn the date, 10/10, how can so much stack up on a set of numbers, the day I was nearly murdered, 10/10 the day I lost my home, 10/10, even just he idea of 10 makes me want to vomit; this year it hit me like a falling mountain 18 years. Anger flared; hate, god I hate, suddenly the tremors and the night terrors made sense, the headaches, the unexplained bruising, the feeling of dread on even a sunny day, panic attacks from accidentally using three coffee filters instead of just the one; then checking the weather told me what my subconscious was screaming for weeks; I realize; why am I always slow to realize, as always in this temporal loop it hits me like a 2x4 in the temple; that no, time doesn’t always proceed dutifully, uniformly, minute per minute each sixty seconds long into eternity; the past in horribly living memory comes to me; the screams, the pain, ripping, the scent of blood mixed with terrible human smell; then I am stuck in that temporal loop that just repeats until I reach that one day where the loop resets, replays for what seems like an eternity of only me stuck in a solitary cell and when I am trying to back myself down talking out the fear, anxiety and pain that is not really there but I still felt it as if the blood hadn’t yet dried; there is no distinction between past and present, flashbacks and demons come to torment me; Fate herself participates for the, as she calls it, fun part, it is nothing but this hellish illusion, a masquerade of pain; flashes of past creep in even while I am doing something as inane as driving, causing an ache in the current; I watch even the few I trust to know everything laugh uncomfortably as I joke about what happened, what happens and this little place in the universe I call my existence, and I know that I can not and will not call present; for if this is a gift from god, I know he isn’t god and I needn’t worry, this was a penance that I bare for bad deeds in another life; I know the next rising of the sun will only continue this; there is no yesterday, today or tomorrow they are just a connection of moments in a never-ending monotony that kills what is left of my soul and confirms to me that, yes, there is a hell, and I didn’t have to die to find it.

God I realize other things as well as if I didn’t have enough to hold my tears back; there have often been accused of not feeling and I have even wished that I didn’t feel, but I feel that a lot, actually, unlike in the movies when this realization comes there are no bags to pack, no plan to form, no zombies to kill or alien invasions to counter; there is no urgent telegram or speeding car at midnight; there is no help even in the flagging form of a beguiling contortionist or an out of luck hit man; this is just a dark legacy of immutable horrors of the past; and this realization doesn’t come with space nor time to undo. I always would perk myself up with the idea, that I want to be alive before my death that I know is coming and soon and it will be long and filled with much pain; I see the beauty and the possible in life, though I have always had to look at the small and intractable to see possibility; I tried to live in the idea that unlikely does happen, but now at my age, in my state, and being me, there is none. What shocks the virtuous philosopher that lives in the A.M. station in my brain and almost delights the guerilla poet shock-talk D.J. that mine most unpoetic of all existence; realizing that better days are gone. I am oddly acquiesced to the idea; there will be no great love this lifetime, possibly even in the next, no guarantees; no kisses, god I loved kisses; no possibility of warmth, caring; in truth no one will ever love me, gag, how very Jane Austin. In truth I had already assumed that as it was I would turn out to be one of those unsmiling acid-faced women that sit behind little desks in offices, stamping received dates on accounts receivable invoices and that was fine; though I had always hoped for just a someone would spend a the small number of hours I have with me, lingering, smiling at me, genuine laughs as we walk slowly to the door uncomfortable in the leaving reminders to bundle up and warm hug as you forget your scarf as a reason to come back, simple and stupid as it is. I was never one to plan or dream of weddings, though I might have a humdinger of a funeral if anyone were to come; no anniversaries...no careers...no children. God, I never was good with kids, but I imagined I would be a good parent... now, the closest I come is cradling a kitten as he sleeps, I pull him tight and rock; I am a mad cat lady, who hopes for 6 more months.

I understand that no end is an ending, but I am now too old, soo very old the 198 .8 years I have passed in my 40, weigh too heavy; no drug can lessen this pain, no alcohol can dull these edges, but in so being free of the distraction what did I learn? Only the kinds of things hidden in post-apocalyptic stories. Bradbury and Orwell cover it better...

Why? Why did I live this life, I am not sure, I suppose someone had to... I am not even a blip to humanity; a balancing of the scales so to speak; and still the universe rejects me?

Perhaps I am right, and hell is here, how very disappointing.

In all this vasty universe, I had three wishes... god, why keep them safe now. A home of my own, a place I don't have to beg for the honour of paying so much; happiness, simple kiss, stupid wake up dig in dirt, grow things, build things, frustrated, stupid, happiness; and a place for my words... Why let them out on a day like this? Why is it any different than waiting for birthday candles or a coin flung midway on a bridge for a troll to grant or New Year’s eve... as none of those panned out, I am going to the day of dead and dying, if the gods can't hear, possibly the fallen can; although I hold hope at bay with a cattle prod and a 3-foot sword. This is my truth… I suppose there are two kinds of truth; the kind that lights the way for all to see, the second warms the heart; the first being science the second being art; as this is neither this may well be just the cautionary tale to pay attention in school or mix that phthalo blue a little better; we are all connected in a never-ending circle. Everything is connected...

Fuuck

@keeper0fthestars @pedeka @writernotwaiting @iamhisgloriouspurpose @anastasiaoftheironwood

[pilgrimguyanne]

A day in the field

There are some days when field work is a breeze. When everything goes to plan and everything works out and runs smoothly. Today was not one of those days.

My first task of the day was to get 30 questionnaires to a secondary school pupil, who will deliver them to his principal, who will ensure that they are carried out. It's a lot of trust, but the reality is that I simply cannot be in all the places I need to be in order to get all the data I need, and so arrangements like this are extremely important. The young man is a very talented footballer and we agree to meet at the football field where he trains. My original plan is to go there, then go to the Grenada community library, where I hope to spend the day.

At the football field, however, I notice people- mostly women- sitting and not really watching from the stalls. Soccer moms. Anyone whose child has ever done an extra curricular activity knows (I imagine) that it often doesn't make sense to go home in the 2 hours your child is rehearsing, improving their Math, or playing football. Better run a few errands, or else sit and wait. The waiting women are happy to oblige, and take the cookies I offer them for the younger siblings they have brought in tow, or else for the young athletes. It's gruelling work. The sun is hot and there is no cloud cover and the mummies are dispersed around the field, each in line with her child's team. Total questionnaires:8.

My next stop is the Grenada community library. It's a small, 3-room building, and when I am there the only patrons, a young mother and her toddler who come to sign up, arrive. The volunteers at the desk, however, are happy to help me, and so I get another 2 questionnaires.

From the library, it's a short walk to the cathedral, so I decide to call it a day and check it out. As I walk past, I notice the door of the cathedral chancery is open and, being bold face, I walk in. There's a meeting in progress that I don't want to disturb, but I talk to someone who can't help me.

I walk to the cathedral, careful to only step on the dried portions of the half-mopped steps. Inside, a choir is singing, but all I hear are the voices of possible participants. As I listen, a man approaches me."Come in! Are you visiting?" I'm slightly confused since in all my years of being a Catholic no one has ever greeted me so warmly in a church. I say I am. He introduces himself as the parish priest for the cathedral and I tell him what I would like. "Oh well the choir upstairs is made up of people from all over Grenada, they are practising for ordination. They should be finished by one. You can ask them." Score. Kind of. It's 11:40 and the Caribbean is hot from 12-4. These people are not going to want to help me after a long rehearsal in the hot cathedral. Still, it's worth the wait. I mention that I know the Bishop and the priest tells me that he's in office right now. Of course I can just knock and say hi. Definitely not in Bistum Münster anymore. I go back down to the offices and this time do disturb the meeting.

Bishop Harvey, after sorting out my face, is pleased to see me. "You should have said you were coming, I would have helped you." (I actually thought a relative had told the Bishop I would be there, but not wanting to nag, never followed up on this, and so shot myself in the foot). I told him that 30 questionnaires were being taken to one Catholic Boys' School by the footballer, and said I would be going to another school on Monday myself. "Please tell the principal I'd be very grateful any help she can offer," he says, and I assure him the principal has been a dream to work with so far. Then, he writes a note to the choir conductor and asks him to ask choir members to facilitate me. And then asks the ladies in the meeting I interrupted to do the same, and they tell me they will be at other meeting at 1:30 and I can come then.

I go to the choir rehearsal and join in the really beautiful singing and their closing prayer. That's something I miss in German church choirs; there's never a prayer at the start or the end, as though God is incidental to the music, and not its source. Because it's a special occasion, the rehearsal goes on a bit longer than planned, but even in their tiredness and the Saturday chores not yet done, 10 people complete questionnaires. One takes it home, and promises to send his answers via email. The downside of this is that I am late for the other meeting, and they are reading minutes when I eventually find them. They offer to take the questionnaires and return them by Wednesday to the cathedral office, and I am happy to leave them behind.

After 4.5 hours of walking and buses, I have a meagre 20 questionnaires in hand. In total, so far, I have 15 questionnaires that people have taken, promised to fill, but which I don't yet have (not only from the cathedral). But a researcher is like a shepherd. I know the whereabouts of each questionnaire and the location of a photocopying shop in the event that the questionnaires are not completed when I return to collect them. Again, this comes with the territory of not being able to pay people for their time. I am grateful for their goodwill, their willingness to do the questionnaires at all, even if they don't actually return them.

I get back to my hotel at 3:30 pm, six hours after I left. Not a full work day, but a long time to be on my feet. I make plans for tomorrow and Monday, and then, when the temperature has dropped to a Caribbean cool 31, I go to the beach and swim until the sunset.

[arukou-arukou]

Tony has to stay awake for a very long time for some reason, and when he finally is allowed to rest, he physically can't, so the rest of the Avengers (but especially Steve) take care of him until he can.

With two hours to deadline, Tony finally managed to unsnag the last line of code and send it through. A new smart AI bot, one designed for searching and detonating IEDs so soldiers wouldn’t have to, whirred to life and aimed its tiny periscope cam at him inquisitively, awaiting input. The right mix of AI–not so sophisticated that army programmers could turn it into an offensive weapon, but not so improbably slow that it failed to do its job. Three iterations ago it’d tried to bring the dummy bomb to Tony, and that was clearly a no go, so he’d started the code from the bottom up and programmed until the edges of his vision went blurry. It needed testing. Testing.

“Find,” Tony grunted and the bot happily rolled off to the mock test range. “Not perfect,” Tony murmured, slumping down against the table to watch. “Just functional. Just need you to do your job. Can tweak later.” It’s little treads bumbled across sand and rocks, grinding a little in a way that, just for a moment, sent Tony back five years in time. His fingers clenched compulsively at the table before he forced himself to let go.

In the sandbox, the little bot scanned back and forth with infrared and ground-penetrating sonar and blessedly, beautifully, it located the payload. The shovel arm activated and started digging. Tony nearly wept.

Time slowed to a molasses crawl as he watched and waited. The digging mechanism had to be calibrated just so. Too much force might set off the bomb prematurely, and while the bot was built to withstand most of the explosives it would encounter, the goal was also to mitigate as much damage as possible to save on long-term costs. At last the bot pulled his dummy bomb and began sending back data.

Tony swiveled to watch the bot’s feed, studying preliminary analysis from the computer’s suppositions and looking to see how close it got to guessing right. There needed to be human input at this stage to verify and validate, but if he could get the bot ‘s guesses at least 80% accurate, it would save soldiers precious minutes of exposure and danger in the field.

Line by line the profile appeared: likely composition, likely blast radius, size analysis, potential solutions. Not bad little bot. It wasn’t gauging size correctly–something was probably off in the camera aspect ratio, but that was easily fixed. Tony typed back orders and watched with eyes that felt on the verge of shriveling up into dried peas as the bot began procedure. It pried away the main engagement plate and started snipping wires. Beautiful. As dexterous as he’d hoped. And the test was going much better than last time, considering last time the bot had run right over the dummy bomb and technically blown itself up.

The bot finished the last of the disarmament protocol and swept its camera again, asking Tony for permission to return. He glanced at the clock. Hour-and-a-half to deadline. Beautiful. With a flick of his wrist, he typed in the commands for return, charging and self-diagnostic. It would be enough. It had to be. Tony needed it to be because he’d been awake…slowly he blinked at the clock and tried to focus. The numbers blurred in and out before sharpening and he sucked at his teeth. He’d been awake way too long, that’s what he’d been.

“J, lab’s yours. Get the specs and test footage to Pep and tell her to work her magic. Do not disturb orders on my quarters for the next four hours. I don’t want to hear or see anyone or anything unless the world’s ending, and even then, tell them to see if they can get Johnny Storm first.”

“Of course, Sir.”

Tony stumbled his way to the elevator, finally allowing himself to make the jaw-cracking yawn he’d been biting back for the last four hours. Now that the code wasn’t right in front of him, now that he had allowed his brain room to think of something other than the next string of numbers and letters, it felt like his bones were turning to concrete. His feet dragged and his fingers hung limp at his sides. The raw puffiness of his eyes seemed to get worse, especially when he stepped out of his dim lab and into the blindingly bright elevator.

JARVIS brought him to the penthouse without a word, and Tony emerged into a seating area lit only by the New York skyline. Late then. Late enough that the city seemed quiet. Maybe so late it was early. Tony had just been looking at a clock. Why couldn’t he remember what time it was?

On dragging toes, he slumped his way through the living area to his bedroom. No Steve. The bed was made, the sheets military flat. Tony would miss Steve’s body heat, but they didn’t always share a bed, so it wasn’t like he had any right to be disappointed or lonely. It was fine. Or at least it would be fine once was he was horizontal.

With fingers stiff and swollen from hours at the computer, Tony slowly peeled away his T-shirt and fumbled his way through his jeans’ button and zipper, shuffling out of the denim rather than pushing it away. He was afraid to bend over, what with the way his head was swimming.

“Getting too old for this, J,” he murmured, staring forlornly between the bed and the bathroom. He could go to sleep without brushing his teeth. It was an option. But he’d regret it when he woke up. He knew that much.

“With all due respect, Sir, perhaps it’s time to bring on a secondary R&D assistant.”

“Who’s,” Tony yawned over the “oo” and tried again. “Who’s gonna keep up with me?”

“I already have a list of several likely candidates, Sir. There’s a young woman at MIT, up-and-coming, who seems particularly promising.”

“Yeah? Well, put together a profile. Maybe–” another yawn “–maybe I can get to it tomorrow.” For a moment, Tony had to lean against the sink as his whole world tilted forward. He grit his teeth and waited the dizziness spell out, and then he picked up his toothbrush, smearing toothpaste on it at a snail’s pace. He brushed slowly, steadily, telling himself just a little bit more. Just. A little. Bit. More. And then it was down. His teeth were sort of clean. Enough to be bearable anyway. So he shuffled for his bed. It was almost as bad as being rip-roaring drunk, though at least this wouldn’t result in vomiting come morning.

With a final burst of energy, Tony flopped forward onto his mattress, groaning as his nose took more weight than it deserved. He barely had the energy to slither under the covers, but he forced himself to do it, jamming his feet (still in socks) down toward the bottom of the bed.

“Sleep” he whispered, turning onto his side and snuggling down. The sheets were cool and the scent of mint was in his mouth. Nice, beautiful sleep.

…

…

He’d thought, with the way his body felt, that he’d drift off right away, but from his nest under the covers, he felt suddenly wide awake. Wired awake. His leg started jumping a little, a nerve twitch in his calf that just wouldn’t go away.

“It’s just nerves,” Tony mumbled. Stupid contract. He didn’t want Hammer Industries getting it. Not Bain either. They’d try to weaponize it and that would be bad. Very bad. Had he checked the color protocols against the video footage? What if the bot had identified the wrong colors? What if, in the dark, it couldn’t make out color input? Tony hadn’t designed a night vision camera. Maybe he should–

He shook his head sharply. No. This was not the answer. There was plenty of time for tweaks later. What he needed right now was sleep. Even he could recognize when he was beyond being of any use to anyone, and he was there right now, already a lump of sleep-deprived meat.

“Sleep,” he said again, now a command. As if to make it a reality, he shifted in his bed, turning onto his other side and pulling the blankets into a tight burrito around him. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on his breathing. It was all going to be fine. Just get some shut-eye and then work on tweaks. And Clint’s arm guards. And a stronger stretch material for Bruce’s pants. Something flame retardant.

The night wore on and Tony tossed and turned, but his brain couldn’t seem to shut down. He could recognize it, in a distant sort of way. Nervous thought spirals that took him further and further down the rabbit hole. When he’d gotten them as a teen and in his twenties, he’d self-medicated into a stupor, but he knew how Steve felt about that. Tony was better than that, now.

So instead he tried every trick in the book. Counting sheep. Counting breath. Imagining he was a melting snowman. Tensing and relaxing focused muscle groups. Listing the periodic table. He never got far though. The thought spirals intruded again and again. For hours he fought it until, rumpled and so dry he felt like a corn husk, he peeked out from beneath his blanket and saw that the sun was rising.

“What the fuck?” he whispered, pressing his fingers into his eyes.

“Sir?” JARVIS asked, quietly, almost hesitantly.

“J, blinds.”

“Sir, shall I–”

“Blinds, please.”

The windows tinted to matte gray, trapping Tony in darkness. That made it so much worse. So so much worse. Without the ambient city light, he was in space, in the suit, falling, dying, alone. With a desperate wheeze, Tony whipped away his blankets, looking down at the arc reactor, touching its smooth face, pressing his palm to it to feel the steady thrum beneath. Too much. Too damn much.

Heart pounding in his chest, Tony rose and stumbled out of the bedroom into the main room. If he couldn’t sleep, he damn well wasn’t going to stay in the dark. He weaved back and forth to the kitchen, eyes on his feet, so of course he he ran straight into someone.

“Tony?”

Clint. That was Clint. Should’ve recognized the dog PJ bottoms. Tony blinked up and flinched when Clint took a literal step back.

“Holy shit, man, what happened?”

“Couldn’t sleep. Can’t sleep.”

There’s a clunk of glass on marble somewhere behind Clint, and with great effort, Tony raised his head. Oh god. They were all there. Team breakfast. Was it Sunday? It must be Sunday. Fuck fuck fuck.

Bruce was the first to move again, standing from his chair at the table. “Tony, you’re not looking so great. When was the last time you were able to sleep?”

“Uh…”

“JARVIS?” Nat asked, bypassing him completely.

“Sir has been awake for sixty-two hours and forty-seven minutes.”

“Jesus, Tony,” Clint breathed. Tony realized Clint’s hand was on his shoulder, but he couldn’t remember how it got there.

“Tried,” he said, tongue thick. It was hard to get the words out. “Tried last night. Laid in bed. Counted. Stuff. Couldn’t.”

As though a whistle had been blown, the team leaped into action. Clint slung his arm over Tony’s shoulders and turned to look at Steve. Nat was already at the refrigerator, pulling out a gallon of milk. Bruce brushed past them both going…Tony wasn’t sure where. He blinked and when next he looked, Steve was right in front of him.

“–ony? Tony?”

“Sorry. Can’t. Word.”

“That’s ok, Tony. We’re going to get some food and water in you and Bruce is getting you something to help you sleep. Then you and I are going to bed.”

“We are?”

“Uh huh.”

Clint steered Tony into a chair and a moment later, something heavy fell over his chest and legs. He looked down to see a length of heavy red fabric. Thor’s cape. He was wearing Thor’s cape. And under that he was…naked? Except for socks. He was still wearing socks. Not naked.

“Here Tony. Can you drink this for me? Got you a straw to make it easier.” Nat set down a mug of milk in front of him, and he nearly dropped it when he touched the ceramic. He wasn’t expecting it to be warm. But still, he sipped at it through the straw, trying to answer Nat’s quiet smile with one of his own. He didn’t feel like smiling. Or drinking. But he forced himself to. Something inside him slowly began unclenching.

“Here Tony,” Steve said, setting down a bowl of oatmeal with banana coins on top. “Try eating a little for me. Just enough to help settle you.” Tony tried to reach for the spoon only to have it swim just out of grasp. Like an eel. He frowned down and tried again but it stubbornly remained out of reach.

“Spoon’s swimming,” he muttered out loud and tried using both hands. Only Clint at his side managed to keep the mug of milk from becoming a disaster as it dropped away.

“Ok, buddy,” he murmured setting the mug out of reach. “Let me help you with that spoon. They’re tricky, I know.” He helped wrap Tony’s clumsy fingers around the spoon and then guided him through the first few bites of oatmeal. It was nice. Not too sweet. Not too hot. Warm and grounding in his stomach. He blinked and realized Steve was there, looking down with that sad smile that wasn’t quite a real smile, that little pinch of skin between his eyes.

“Good, Tony. How are you feeling now? A little more settled.”

He wanted to respond, he did, but he could barely keep his eyes open anymore.

“Ok, Tony.”

That was Bruce. Bruce was back. “I brought you some melatonin and mild muscle relaxant. I know you prefer not to have that kind of thing in your system, but you’re so keyed up, I worry you might not get to REM before your muscles wake you back up again. Will you take it for me?”

Tony nodded and opened his mouth numbly, feeling the soft acrid weight of pills on his tongue. Someone put the straw back between his lips and he swallowed convulsively. It was so nice and warm. He almost believed sleep was possible.

And then he was going up. There were arms under his shoulders and knees, a furnace of heat against his side. Thor’s cape draped over him in what was probably a ridiculously dramatic affectation. He would’ve laughed if he could’ve.

“Do not disturb orders. Nat, if there’s an emergency, you’re in charge.”

Was this what flying felt like? No. Tony had flown before. Flying wasn’t as soft as this. He cracked his eyes. When had they gotten to the bedroom? The bedside light was on, and in its soft orange halo, Steve was undressing, He glanced over and caught Tony watching. “Hey. Hey, you’re doing great. Just close your eyes for me. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Tony could feel a thought spiral pressing at the back of his brain, but he closed his eyes anyway because Steve had asked it of him. A moment later, the bed dipped behind him and there was heat at his back, a great swatch of warm naked skin.

“Just gonna help you relax a little more. You just keep your eyes closed ok. Go to sleep if you can.”

Steve hands were on him. Smooth, strong, sure. And then he started kneading. Gentle squeezes along Tony’s triceps, soft circles across his shoulder blades, firm strokes along his lumbar and glutes. The warmth seemed to shoot straight through him, setting off some sort of chemical trigger in his brain. Little by little, his limbs melted into the mattress.

“Great job, Tony. You’re doing great.”

Tony wanted to tell Steve he was great, he was sweet and kind and caring, and Tony loved him. He wanted to tell him all that. But his tongue was melting into his teeth and his eyes couldn’t stay open anymore. Under Steve’s gentle massage, he finally, finally slept.