#can't think straight if you can't sleep or aren't eating or feel gross because you haven't showered in days

[skyloftian-nutcase]

May I just say, healthcare Sky your slumps are so relatable, I call mine the same thing! they're proably not depression

Ha! Vindicated. See, guys, I told you it's just--

Warriors, in the background: IT'S CALLED DEPRESSION AND IT COMES AND GOES AND YOU SHOULD GET HELP IF IT AFFECTS YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE OKAY?!

[adelle-ein]

the state of disability activism online atm is so depressing to me; it feels so motivated by hatred and superiority and not compassion or kindness or anything but a desire to be Better than other people

i'm not talking about posts like "hey guys it really does help depression if you take your meds on time and get some sunlight!" i'm talking about "if you don't have friends and don't go outside every day then you're a pathetic disgusting lump who's making yourself disabled on purpose" type shit. which i see. every day. on every site. Constantly. who is this strawman that stays home for weeks at a time and enjoys it and doesn't know that it's bad for them and is happily making themselves sicker on purpose?? who is this person?? oh right. they don't exist. you just hate anyone who's less functional than you.

and it is a constant thing. for example "intrusive thoughts discourse" where everyone talks about "intrusive thoughts are not Eat Crunchy Leaf it's thinking horrible violent sexual things you don't want to think! and if yours aren't that bad then you're a faker!" i have ocd (yes, diagnosed) and yeah i do have intrusive thoughts like that, often, and they're very distressing, etc etc. but like. i also have intrusive thoughts where i just fixate on something completely benign and physically can't stop thinking about it (ie something getting dirty, my neighbor making a weird noise) to the point of intense distress and even panic attacks. is that lol quirky weirdgirl faker because it doesn't involve anything violent or sexual? even though this is a serious and debilitating part of my illness where i don't sleep because i'm lying awake worried that the toilet might get dirty tomorrow??

and why are the go-to insults from these people always "bet you can't drive! bet you haven't left the house in weeks! bet you don't tell a waiter your order's wrong! bet you can't order a pizza without shaking!!" (i see that last one SO OFTEN don't fucking know why.) like yes. punch up at those nasties with agoraphobia and avpd and social anxiety. definitely anyone who doesn't drive is doing so out of sheer laziness and there is no reason to be scared of people other than just being pathetic. you sure are showing them. what a good little activist you are!

the mentally ill vs physically ill "discourse" is a huge source of this. as someone who is Both i can tell you that both are horrible and significantly impeding my life and the physically ill people talking about how depression doesn't count and the mentally ill people talking about how you just have to go outside more to Cure Everything and both of them fighting each other and infighting and whatever are just. a vortex of exhausting bullshit. not that every struggle on every "side" is the same but i so rarely see nuanced discussions of this just "ew, [insert disability the person in question thinks is for babies here]"

just a lot of nasty hate and gatekeeping and yes ableism from people who should really know better but they don't care. again i'm not saying that "get more fresh air!" is ableist or whatever but oh my god you people are so sick and hateful. the really sad part is i have seen people who used to be genuinely kind and helpful sink into this horrible us vs them mentality, where the only way to Win is to be the Least Visibly Disabled but simultaneously the one who has a dx list as long as their arm, so when someone says "my agoraphobia makes it hard to leave the house and i haven't been out in two weeks" they can turn around and go "well I have agoraphobia AND fibromyalgia and *I* leave the house every day so what's your excuse you disgusting tumblr virgin??" as if that isn't just straight up ableism and bullying somehow. not that there aren't people who act cruel and then go "i'm disabled so this is okay!!" or reply to innocent posts with "i'm disabled how dare you imply that i try to shower regularly??" but the people who go "i'm disabled but i'm Normal not like those other gross cripples" are even worse tbh

this is again on every website. twitter tumblr all of 'em. it's not just a tumblr thing. i don't want to talk about the poor chili lady and the reaction to her but the "ironic" and/or "morally just" internet bullying has gotten completely insane.

like i said it feels like the goal from this particular breed of people is to have a ton of disabilities but act completely "normal" and symptom free so that you can brag about your superiority to the Other Disableds while pointing at your dx to go "but, look, see, I'M normal!!! and you're not!!! meaning you're inferior to me!!! freak!!! disability rights tho :)"

anyway yeah i would love to have a ~disability community~ but i don't bc this vortex of being The Most Superior Disabled Person is disgusting and exhausting and i see so many people participating it for no goddamn discernible reason other than a desire to hurt others which. sucks.

[mmollymercury]

For the Ask Game, maybe Luisa?

EEEEE LUISA TIMMMEEEE!

Luisa

⚧ - Pronoun hc: she/her

🏳️‍⚧️- Gender hc: cis female

🏳️‍🌈- Orientation hc: straight or bi with a preference for men. Idk she just gives that vibeeee.

🌌- zodiac sign hc: Luisa was born on November 14th, making her a scorpio! I was actually quite surprised by that, she doesn't really give major scorpio energy lol.

🧠- MBTI/Enneagram hc: with my novice knowledge, I think she'd be a INFP

Idealistic is a pretty good description for Luisa I think. I mean:

She likes to dream🥺🥺🥺

Factors that influenced my decision:

Are you outwardly or inwardly focused? Extraversion or introversion?

Despite Luisa being seen around town a lot; interacting with people, she still chooses to do so alone and with as little interaction with the villagers as possible. She doesn't have any small talk with them or even speaks first, she just answers to the calls of "Luisa! X needs fixing." And says, "Okay!" Then does it. Also, her dream is to just relax and sleep, she's a poor introvert with a extroverts job.

How do you prefer to take in information? Sensing or intuition?

I chose intuition for this one; despite how Luisa feels very stuck in her job and believes that it is what she needs to do, she still enjoys imagining the possibilities of how things could be, based on how easily she talked about her dream scenarios with Mirabel, like she's already very familiar with them and only now has had a chance to be open about them.

How do you prefer to make decisions? Thinking or feeling?

Feeling. We're talking about Luisa here.

A thinking person, would be described as: making decisions in an impersonal way, using logical reasoning. Enjoy finding the flaws in an argument. Could be described as reasonable, level-headed.

Luisa is a very emotional person, which can come as a surprise to some people who just judge her on looks. The decisions she makes aren't logical: she resorts to hurting herself and working to exhaustion to protect other people. Believing that not carrying all the donkeys 'properly' would "let everyone down."

How do you prefer to live your outer life? Judging or perceiving?

Perceiving. I like to think Luisa would settle into a outright 'perceiving' role after the movie. I feel like it'd really benefit her and make her feel less stressed if she tuned into that more spontaneous and flexible side we only see when she quickly takes on tasks. I think because of all the stress she doesn't allow herself to live how she is actually programmed to, instead modifying it to a detrimental degree to fulfil others needs.

❤- OTP hc: don't have one and although I don't usually make love interest ocs(correction: I've never made one lol), I think it'd be so cute for her to have a major simp of a boyfriend, who'd be the opposite of her in every way lol.

🧡- Everyone I ship with this character: 0

💛- Brotp: the blue sisters 💙 they deserve to be bffs😭 (this isn't romantic tho. Dont get it TWISTED😤😤)

💚- Notp: anything gross🤢

💙- Crossover ship: 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

💜- Crossover non-ship relationship I like: imagine her and merida hanging out. Think about it😌😳

📖- AU I'd like to see them in: HERCULES AU COME THROUGHHHH

❤🩹- Angsty hc: she's a naturally angsty girl. I think, even though she doesn't physically feel the weight of things, carrying things and overworking her muscles can cause her to come out in bruises and pains. She has a lot of tense muscles, this girl could use a good massage😌😌😌

💖- Happy hc: she loves princess stories and disgustingly romantic stuff 💖 she often daydreams about handsome princes and stuff, she's never really grown out of it lol. she seems like the type to stim a lot, like me AHH🤪🤪. Like, if she's happy and can't stay still, I feel like she'd pace around the room and jump about. I'm exposing myself here lol😭😭

😋- Funny/stupid hc: when she was little she could burp the alphabet. Isabela taught her how.

🥖- Food hc: she eats like an athlete, she definitely makes sure she's eating enough so she can continue to work out. Still, its somehow not as much as what Camilo eats😭 I think she'd have a big breakfast, a big lunch and a big dinner, with snacks in between, of course.

🪞- Appearance hc: she has 0 or very little acne, making all her siblings and cousins very jealous and confused. I like to think, because of working out, she'd have some visible viens on her hands or arms, she has high blood pressure, yall.

🏡- Domestic hc: Agustín and Julieta still call her a little girl or their little Luisa🥰💗 Agustín still buys fairytale things he sees in town for her🥰

🛌- Sleep hc: she was always jealous of Isabelas princess bed. I think after the fall of Casita, she'd get a canopy bed instead. She sleeps on her back and snores silently. The epitome of a sleeping beauty😭

🗡- Badass hc- she'll jump in front of anyone to protect them, as seen in the movie. She also knows her gymnastics and can make a jaw dropping, back flipping entrance if she wants too.

She can be very graceful as she does it too.

❓- Anything else you want: if this was a modern au, this girl would watch toy unboxings and collect toys 🥰 I already think she'd collect dolls anyway lol, as I said, Agustín would see them and still buy them for her, she'd set them up on a shelf above her bed. Now that she has free time, she'd go out in town and buy some herself and maybe, take part in hilarious, very serious doll trading debates with the village kids, Mirabel would be witness to these and be very enthralled.

💗💗💗

[voxvulpina]

Reading Horrified!Anon's asked reminded me of my own experience. I work an afterschool program for kids whose parents work late. There was one kid who started coming to the program named Ren. One day, I see her with a Sesshoumaru keychain on her backpack.

I thought, "how cute, little anime fan in the making." I went up to her and asked, "so Sesshoumaru is your favorite Inuyasha character?" Her eyes lit up. She got super excited, talking about how much she loved Sesshoumaru and how her name is Ren like Rin and that she wants to get a frog and name it Jaken.

She told me she watched all the episodes with her mom and was excited to watch Yashahime. That moment, my heart dropped. My stomach started churning--I felt like I had to throw up. I didnt want to ruin her excited, so i told her, "that is really exciting," but I was choking up a bit. I excused myself to go to the bathroom-- I broke down. I cried so hard, I vomited. I tried my best to get through the rest of the day, but it was hard. When I got home, I cried myself to sleep. Didnt eat or anything.

Why does Yashahime have to exist?? Everything pure and good from IY has been tarnished. I also couldn't believe her mom would allow her to watch that mess. I wondered if her mom was a S/R because no normal parent would allow their child to watch that.

Inuyasha is one of the most greatest and iconic anime. How could Rumiko and Sunrise do this?

I'm very sorry to hear that, Anon. 😔

While it's super easy for the SR lolicon crowd to brush aside our concerns on the impact HNY could have on young viewers, I wonder what they would feel if they ever found themselves meeting these very young fans, in person. It's not exactly the same scenario you described, but after reading your story my mind jumped straight to those very young girls who cosplay Rin. I've seen a couple at comic conventions, and I'm sure we've all seen photos of them. They're usually accompanied by a parent cosplaying Sesshomaru.

A parent. Because naturally these little 6/8/10/12 year old girls aren't attending con unsupervised (and it's probably their mum or dad who got them into Inuyasha in the first place, thinking "hey, I want to cosplay Sesshomaru, I should get my kid to cosplay Rin!")

And I've found myself wondering...what are the SessRinners' thoughts, seeing these cosplayers in person? These little Rins with their Sesshomarus? Do they go up and ask them to pose for "ship" photos? Do they tell the little Rins "Awwww I bet you can't wait to grow up and marry him UwU" and point at the little Rin cosplayer's parent? Would they let their grossness out and express it in the real world? Or would they know it's inappropriate (and if so, why can't they realise it's inappropriate in children's fiction too)?

Raisins can play dumb and act like there's nothing creepy about SessRin, but what happens when you bring it into the real world (so to speak)? When they see these young cosplayers, or these very young fans, does the pairing still seem normal to them then? These little girls who love Rin and Sesshomaru and may not even realise (YET) how sick HNY is, do they wonder what influence it will have on them?

[vancilocs]

The questions you think are relevant for kabal and zephi and javier and keyes?

my mouse did a fukkie wukkie with this i hope the formatting is ok

What is each member’s love language? Physical touch and quality time for Kabal Physical touch and gifts for Keyes, physical touch and quality time for Javier What would they describe as their perfect date? Shared gas station fish & chips and a sixpack of beer after 8 straight hours of driving for Kabal A concert, drinks and food, quality time in private for Javier, Keyes agrees but the concerts they would go to differ greatly Who made the first move? Kabal asked Zephi out but she wished he would Keyes, he doesn't mince words Who is more sentimental? I think Kabal is a bit more of a softie bc he's a dad and all. But not in a way that shows in their whatever they got going on Keyes, Javier is cool as a cucumber Which member calls the other in to kill the spiders? Kabal stomps them if asked Javier kills them, Keyes brings them outside Who falls asleep first? Zephi exhausts Kabal so thoroughly he's out for the count Usually Keyes, Javier is a coffee fiend Who wakes up first? Zephi and has to throw Kabal out Could be either, but usually Javier has an alarm for work Who is more more relaxed/carefree? No home, no job, no problem for Kabal Keyes What’s one way their personalities compliment one another? (Is it opposites attract or are they pretty similar?) Zephi is shy, Kabal is bold, Zephi enjoys dominating and Kabal enjoys giving up power so Somewhat opposites attract, Javier is very cool calm and professional and Keyes is much more outgoing and bubbly, they compliment each other well Who is always cold? If either then Zephi Javier, but Keyes is also from Florida so he gets chilly easily too Which member is always trying to bring home stray animals and which member always has to say no? Keyes will bring home any animal he can catch Who worries more? Sometimes Kabal's flaky behavior makes Zephi tense up Neither worries, really. Sometimes Javier will make sure Keyes has taken his pills and if he seems depressed, gives him extra attention and care What are some non-sexual activities they do together? Drive for 12 hours and sleep in a dingy motel or Kabal's baby mama's longhaul truck trailer Art, music, talking and cuddling, cooking and going out to eat, hanging out with friends Who would be able to talk their way out of a speeding ticket? Kabal but he's a very safe driver most of the time Keyes bc the one giving the ticket would have enough of his rambling Who is the better cook? I think Zephi. Kabal hasn't cooked since Hafza was a wee girl Javier, but just because Keyes is so experimental What are some things they don’t agree on? Kabal is not punctual and doesn't believe in having things like a "job" or a "home" and Zephi doesn't like the idea of having a "child" but honestly they aren't in a relationship enough for those kinds of things to affect them Javier doesn't believe in the healing power of crystals or zodiacs or tarot readings but they make Keyes happy so he lets him indulge. Which member is more physically affectionate? Both honestly, they like touching Keyes by a bit but Javier is always happy to comply, just have the man sit on his lap when hanging out with friends. Surely not bc Javier is used to being the short and small friend with Heather and Bailey. He just likes to hold Keyes. Shut Which member is more verbally affectionate? I think Kabal, very casually. But he's not overt either Keyes How does each member feel about PDA? Kabal is more overt with it than Zephi I think, will let her touch his butt or hold his tail or whatever They're fine with it, but not like gross or anything Who’s the safer driver? Kabal drives a lot and he drives responsibly Javier, Keyes can't drive What’s each member flirting style? Kabal tries to get to know the other person, shares interesting tidbits about himself, uses compliments and dumb little pick-up lines Javier is polite and interested, gives compliments, Keyes uses compliments and gives you a crystal if he likes you enough Which member steals borrows the other ones clothing? Zephi can wear Kabal's only shirt when

he's over, he's just gonna be shirtless then They use each others's oversized shirts Who is the cuddle initiator? Zephi after she's done with Kabal. Get him a drink first though Usually Keyes Are they an introverted couple or an extroverted one—AKA would they prefer to go out to a party or event together or would they rather stay in? Stay in, tbh Small parties and gatherings are okay, but otherwise stay in Who is the big/little spoon? Free game Usually Javier is big spoon Who is more likely to make an impulsive decision and who is the voice of reason? Neither is the boss of the other, do whatever you wish Javier will not and can not stop Keyes from getting a new shitty tattoo Who’s more likely to laugh at their own jokes? Kabal has dad jokes Keyes Who takes longer showers? Zephi, she has a skincare routine and haircare routine and all, Kabal washes his hair over the kitchen sink with dish soap Keyes if he washes his hair Who is “more loved” by the in-laws? They don't know each others' families. Hafza has no problem with what she knows of Zephi (the less she knows the better tbh), and Herah is pissed off but keeps some distance.

Keyes's mom loves Javier, his mom is a bit ehhhhh but well, he makes her son happy so Who is more likely to get jealous?

Neither, do whatever you wish babe

Keyes sometimes What was the most surprising thing they learned about one another once they started dating?

I think the fact that Kabal has a child was a surprise, even if she is grown already

Javier didn't quite know how low Keyes could go, but he adapted quickly Who stays up way too late and who tries to drag them to bed?

Neither

Sometimes Keyes will whine until Javier shows up Who’s messier?

Probably Kabal

Keyes Which member is more likely to accidentally spend $300 at Target?

Neither

Keyes finds candles and crystals Who wanted/would want kids first?

Kabal has a baby and he's fine with only one of those, thank you

Neither wants kids Who gives piggy back rides to the other?

Neither

Javier Who fell in love first?

Neither

Keyes

[julyarchives]

Safe Place

→ Pairing: Wooseok x Female Reader

→ Genre: fluff.

→ Words:  1.1K

→ Contains: established relationship; mentions of alcohol; comforting.

→ A/N: here is the story for you guys! Special thanks to the anon who requested this, we hope you like our story!

You woke up with the worst hangover you've ever had. Last night was a little bit of a blur, but you remember having so much fun and drinking more beers than you should have. You end up crashing on your couch because you were not nearly sober enough to gather forces for the small walk to the bedroom. But waking up with the sun shining in your face was torture and every little sound seemed to be coming out of a symphony orchestra. You distantly registered Wooseok gently shaking your shoulder as you opened your eyes.

"What?" You groaned, averted to the idea of moving any finger whatsoever.

"You have to wake up to eat something, it's past noon." His voice was hoarse, sounding like he didn't wake up too long ago himself.

You sat up and rubbed your eyes, giving yourself time to properly wake up. Wooseok sat by your side and you two stared at each other in silence. His face was still puffy from sleep, the hair growing long was messy but somehow looked kind of stylish on him.

"I left some clothes that I think you'll like in the bathroom, you can take a shower while I come up with something for us to eat." He said.

"Noo, I don't want to" you whined "I hate showering in the morning."

"I know for a fact that you must be having a hangover as much as I am, you need a shower to get that out of your system."

"I'm fine, Wooseokie" you protested, getting up and so did he "I can cook us something, you are hungover too. I gave you too much trouble already yesterday."

"Come on, Y/N, do as I say", Wooseok pouted and you kind of regretted acting like this.

"I don't want to, I told you I'm fine!", you groaned then, headache complaining at the volume of your own voice and ruining your facade.

Wooseok laughed and held you by the shoulders, turning you around easily. He pushed you gently so you got the hint to move, doing it even if it was with a pout. He never let go of your shoulders from behind, moving you sideways, and if he was playing train with a kid. You couldn't help but laugh and follow it.

"Fiiine" you admitted defeat.

After a long shower you hated to admit that Wooseok was right, but getting rid of the booze smell on you was definitely a good decision. By the time you were finished, you were welcomed in the kitchen by the smell of eggs, bacon, and waffles.

"Breakfast for lunch?" You asked, making your entrance known

"Frozen waffles are the only thing we have that I know how to cook" he laughed shyly.

"It's perfect." You smiled, fonding at him.

You walked closer and hugged him from behind, resting your face on his back.

"Good morning" you finally said, now conscious enough to properly start your day.

Wooseok dropped everything and turned around, kissing your lips sweetly

"Morning, shortie"

"Do you want me to make you some coffee?" You offered, looking up at him while your arms were still thrown around him.

"You know me so well." He grinned. "But you can do it then go to bed, I'll take the food to you." He pointed after turning around and continuing with the food.

"You're spoiling me too much" you reached up and patted his head.

In the end, you both decided it was a great day to be spent in bed, and you even got Wooseok to feed you. You were feeling comforted and thankful for having someone that takes great care of you.

"Wooseok" you called him and he just hummed "do you think I embarrassed myself yesterday in front of my coworkers?"

The truth was that ever since you woke up you were scared that you might have gotten yourself in trouble. Yesterday was an office party and you started to think if it was appropriate to behave as you did, and now you were afraid that it could affect your job.

"Baby," Wooseok pulled you closer, your head now resting in his chest "everyone was pissed drunk yesterday, you were not the only one.

"You think?" You stared up at him, doe-eyed

"Big time." He shrugged "plus, you behaved well, you didn't do anything embarrassing."

"Aren't you saying that just to comfort me?" You asked, still feeling insecure.

Wooseok shifted, holding your face gently to look at him.

"Y/N," he looked deeply into your eyes "you are always amazing and nothing bad is going to happen, I promise"

You hugged him tightly, mumbling a 'thank you' that came out muffled against his chest.

"You're always so good to me" you pecked his lips

"I'm an angel" he smirked proudly.

"And humble too" you giggled. "I mean it, though. Thank you so much for everything."

"Let me tell you something, today you're not leaving this bed, I'm going to do everything for you while you focus on feeling better."

"Nooo" you whined again, this time hooking your leg around his waist and clinging to him like a koala. "I need to take care of you as well. You're my baby!"

"No, you're my baby today!" He attempted a baby voice to sound cute, but you two immediately burst out laughing

"We're so gross" you laughed it off.

"I like being gross with you" he delicately kissed the tip of your nose

Your phone rang, bursting your little bubble. When you saw the name of your boss pop on the screen you jumped straight up, a small screech escaping you. Your immediate reaction was to toss your phone to Wooseok.

"I can't pick this up" you panicked.

Wooseok got up and took the phone back to you, then proceed to hold your shoulders

"I'm sure it will be fine." The way he looked at you filled you with confidence to face the inevitable.

"Hello?" You picked up the call "hey… no, of course… it's no problem… of course, I understand…"

Wooseok watched you intently, clearly anxious to know what was happening. When you finally hung up, he was waiting patiently for you to tell him.

"They need me to come earlier on Monday because we'll have an emergency meeting with the marketing team." You smiled widely at the good news.

"That's it?" His smile mirrored yours "no other issue?"

You only shook your head negatively and ran to hug him, finally free of the troublesome thoughts.

"I told you you would be fine." He held you tightly and pecked your lips.

"I guess you really are an angel" you giggled.

"Told you" he wiggled his eyebrow, making you laugh harder.

"I don't deserve you, you silly bean."

"Nonsense." He winked. "Now go back to bed, we still have a whole lot of cuddles to go through. You're not off the hook with the baby business."

[pleasantlysecretdream]

His Girl

Characters: Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: They were just casually hanging out together but maybe that's not what their hearts wanted.

Warning: fluff. Maybe a bit sensual.

You were panting and moaning as your world was rocked by a very, very handsome soldier. You claw his back as you both reach the climax together. He falls next to you as you both catch your breaths.

"Feeling good now?" You ask trying not to fall asleep on his bed.

"Much better. I'm pretty sure I can sleep well tonight." He chuckled and sighed deeply, closing his eyes.

You and Bucky had been going on for about a year and a half now. It all started when his nightmares returned and your habit of midnight snaking. You suggested how sex can help you sleep better and he thought to take up the chance. He offered it was okay and you were fine. You were taught to never get involved with an Avenger since the day you were recruited but not obeying was one of the reasons why you were chosen. Bucky and you agreed never to let your heart cloud with affection and it was going fine. Till now.

You slipped out of his room. Just as you were about to open the door to you room, Natasha walked up to you.

"Your strolls are getting longer." She said with smirk on her face.

"Yeah. Helps me sleep later." You answered while getting in your room.

"Sure. After all, they do make you tired. But tell me something. Do the gardens moan loudly?"

You halted and turned to her. She was smirking. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't try to hide it. I know what's going on between you and Bucky."

"Nothing is going on!"

"Fine. Don't tell me. But know this. The entire compound knows about your little arrangement. And these arrangements don't last long without getting your heart in between."

She walked away shutting the door behind her while you sat down on the bed. She knew that before Nat said it. She knew what was she getting into and yet, somehow, it happened.

___________________

You have been avoiding Bucky for a week now. You knew his timing by heart so it was easy for you. You avoided late nights now. Many times, while you were in your room, you saw his shadow lurking outside your door but he never knocked.

Bucky thought he did something wrong. He wasn't craving something physical but he craved the chats you both had through out the day. He liked you, a lot. But never said anything. Now he regretted not telling you. He would walk to your door and not knock. He knew you were avoiding him and it was liking him. He spent his day in the gym trying to get all the frustration out.

The rest of the team saw this and were feeling sorry for them. Steve tried talking to Bucky and got nothing but angry grunts. Nat and Wanda would try to take you out for the night but you never got out of the room. Finally, Steve decided to talk things out with you.

He knocked at your door. You opened the door and let Steve in.

"What is it Captain? A new assignment?"

"No new assignments for you till you get your head right." He said irritatingly.

"I'm fine." You said as you offered your seat to Steve.

"And I am Falcon."

"What?"

"I thought we were saying things that aren't true." Steve said cocking his eyebrows.

"I am fine Captain."

"No you're not. And so is Bucky. What is wrong with both of you. You both can work this out."

"Talk to Bucky about this and not me." You said rearranging the stuff that was already arranged.

"He would only talk to you. He's holed up in the gym all day, doesn't really eat and whenever I go to talk to him, he punches the bag so hard I think he's imagining me. He's my best friend and I can't see him like this."

"Neither can I. I can't face him and not think about our time together. He was the one thing that helped me stay sane and now I can't go to him without feeling things we agreed not to feel."

"Y/N, listen. I'll be completely honest here, he feels the same way as you do and it is extremely new for him. Atleast you know what you feel, he's confused and it's getting in his head. I'm afraid he might do some harm to himself. Please talk to him."

Steve patted on your hand as you cried. He consoled you and then left you to think about things. You had to talk to Bucky. You cared for him more than your feelings.

By the time you got out, it was already 12 am. You went to the kitchen and made cup noodles both of you. The closer you walked to the gym, the louder his grunts got and so did the noise of punches on the bag. You took a deep breath and walked in.

________________

Bucky was busy punching the bag. He pictured the unknown territory of his feelings as the bags and punched the hell out of it. That's how he was taught to deal with them. Amongst all the noises, he missed your footsteps approaching him.

You put down the noodles away enough to not spill them. You knew you will end up in a combat because you walked in suddenly.

As soon as you touched his shoulder, he whipped around and tossed you on the ground. With a swift move, you get up and groan. It was like fighting with a bull. He ran towards you and threw yourself to the side. He turned to you with red in his eyes. He looked scared, hungry and maybe a little angry.

He ran to you again and this time, you jumped and hopped on his back. Your arms around his neck and your feet dangling above the ground.

You did what you knew would calm him. You placed your lips on his neck. You kept on kissing and sucking it till that throbbing vein calmed down. You slowly got down, your lips not leaving his neck. You might be giving him a hickey at this rate. He grabbed your face and your lips met. Passion, anger, fear, every emotion that was kept under the blanket, jumped right out in that kiss. You did not know when you both were lying on the ground. Soon the kiss slowed down and you both took a breath.

He rested his head on yours, closing his eyes and taking in the moment. You loosened your grip on him and sat down a little away from him. He felt empty without you in his arms.

"Bucky, we need to talk about this."

"No."

"Bucky, you cannot keep doing this to yourself. You don't eat, you don't drink, you worry your friends-"

"Did I worry you?" He said calmly.

"Bucky listen-"

"Did I worry you?" His voice raised a little.

"Bucky-"

"Yes or no Y/N! Did I worry you or not?" He yelled.

"Yes you worried. Hell! I died seeing you like this. You don't take care of yourself and you expect me to not worry! What is wrong with you! Deal with what is going on in your head. Why can't you!" You shouted angrily.

"How can I deal with things when the person you used to help wouldn't be with me?" He said calmly. His statement stunned you.

"What do you mean?"

"You stopped talking to me. It's been over a month. I was facing uncharted feelings and you weren't there. To whom am I supposed to talk now, huh?"

You both had tears in your eyes. You waddle your way to him and hug him.

"You're all gross and sweaty by the way." You say as you let go off him.

He chuckled and sat you down on his lap. You grab the cup noodles from near you and give one to him.

"Eat up. You look weak." You said as you shove one fork full of noodles in his mouth.

"Oh please. I'm a super soldier."

You snort in laughter as you exchange your light hearted jokes.

___________________

Steve let you both off the hook for a week to rest up. You were, right now, all snuggled up in the blanket with your laptop, while Bucky was laying next to you. His metal arm was around you.

"We never really talked about this." Bucky said as he opened his eyes.

"Talk about what?" You said shutting your laptop.

"About this new arrangement. I, uh, need, um, specification on this."

You caress his face and give him a peck on the lips. "You're my boyfriend if that's what you're wondering."

"So you're my girlfriend?" He asked sitting up straight.

"Pretty much."

"I like that."

"I like that too."

[chrysoberylcrow]

Disclaimer: Not a medical or psychological person. The following should be considered the ramblings of a guy with a tin foil hat.

Is there a word for this? I feel like I'm getting to the root of some poor behavior lately in something I call the "Vegetables First Mentality." Imagine if you will a child that finds vegetables "gross" and doesn't like eating them. But, he has to because no dessert if he doesn't. Your classic scenario. In this case, the child decides that if he chokes down the vegetables quickly, he can power through to the foods he does like (say, pasta and potatoes). He sees it as just a necessary hardship to meet a goal. The child decides this is his mindset from now on: take the hardest part and eliminate it first. Then, you can savor the good stuff. I mean it's not entirely bad right? Kid gets nutrition, and then rewarded. Let's visit this mentality down the road.

I feel like people, especially in America, have a hard time not feeling "lazy." You aren't, trust me. But where the VFM comes in is where they feel they need to stay on top of everything. Again, it isn't necessarily bad. Bills on time and clean dishes are good things. But what about, say, a time with a lot on the plate? Get all this stuff done FIRST (i.e., you don't get a lick of that candy until all the veggies are gone) and then you can savor the "good stuff" (relaxation, sleep, gaming). I think the issue is twofold in extreme examples. For one, if you don't take a break now and again while trudging along through EVERYTHING you have all work. Which, I hear all work and no play had bad results in one instance. It feels like a mad rush all the time instead of proper time management. What if you take on even more and slip up? Everything crashes and you're in no state to get it done again. Maybe it is workaholism I'm thinking of.

The second issue is crippling anxiety about events you CANNOT force into completion. Be it time, waiting on an order, or waiting on (god forbid) a slowpoke person! I'm getting some medical things done and the anxiety of not being able to have it done straight away is maddening, especially since it's pretty darn necessary and high priority in my brain. And all of this comes with the looming threat of sometimes vague "bad things" if stuff isn't rushed through- even when it shouldn't be or CAN'T be.

For me I think it started in college. I had a bland college experience because, in part, I put work ahead of EVERYTHING, all the time (I also lived at my parents that did not want me home drunk at 3am with a stranger but I digress). Point is I had very little in the way of fun in the interest of getting those "vegetables" eaten. And if I've learned anything in my adult life it's that the buffet of broccoli is all you can eat. But you're a damn fool to try and eat it all as fast as possible. Perhaps more importantly, you may never find yourself with room for dessert. (Literally arguably good again, but it's a metaphor for work-life or even "life"-life balance of that makes sense. Best I could come up with, ok?!)

Anyone else feel like this?