#can't stick with one idea like EVER
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mezzmerizd · 2 months ago
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Still not okay about DM Tango btw, especially because I keep thinking about his & Zed's interactions D:
My (current, might be swapped out in a heartbeat tbh) interpretation of what happened between s8 Tango and s9 DM Tango is that the code somehow fucked up? Like the players can't thrive without the context of the code recognizing them as such. It's the god-like force in this instance, granting immortality in the sense of being able to respawn (this also ties into my netherborn headcanons / a bit of my personal super-indulgent Tango & Impulse backstories but that's for another day).
So, as much as the people themselves are just. Them. Even if the server / code get a bit fuzzy, that doesn't usually affect them. Buuut with Tango's signals to the server being a little.. wonky (due to being pre-emptively yoinked out of the system due to his spacey perma-death in s8) Xisuma pulls him out of usual shenanigans after a while to try and fix what's happening.
Yadda yadda yadda, doesn't really work, but with Tango's consent Xisuma let's the server try to check Tango for errors itself. How you'd do when a program gives you error codes about files missing. And, as those programs also have, Xisuma lets the server try to fix the problems too. Badabing badaboom- Code's no longer blinking red!! But Tango's not like.. fully there for a few days. He's a little hazy, but gets let off by Xisuma and sent back into the mix of hermits. Everyone's kept up to date to keep an eye on him if the chance arises and that's mostly that.
For every message and, well, little joke Zed sends his way he doesn't really get a response- or not a usual one, anyway. Tango seems.. oddly cold, in a literal and metaphorical sense. Zedaph's a busy man, but he sure as hell wouldn't pass on the opportunity to at least say hi to Tango when he's got the time. Especially not with Tango asking for his help with things!! There's an odd hint of glee in Tango's eyes and grin when Zed respawns after dying to a ravager, but he's still too filled with adrenaline to not giggle about it himself.
And oh the Dungeon Lackey run... the first time Zed really could get ahold of Tango for a good while, and he's finally given a chance to enjoy the theatrics and banter again, not giving any worry the time of day to start popping up. He's taking what he's given of crumbs and he'll enjoy them blindfolded if need be.
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illmoraineakoi · 19 days ago
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Fic where through Rocket Corp Shenanigans and/or Orange Power Craziness, the Color Gang, TCO and Victim all get spat out into the human world, where Alan then has to reveal to his wife that surprise! Living stick figures are real, he's made living stick figures, two of them don't like him, and one of those two is actively trying to kill him, while the other five see him as their Dad.
All while trying, and just barely succeeding, in wrangling a very ferally angry Victim who is trying his hardest to inflict great bodily harm onto Alan despite Alan being literally five times his size while the others are panicking trying to figure out how to help. Except for TCO, who is just WAITING for Alan accidentally drop Victim so he can return the favor of the Box beatdown.
And Kaori, who Alan never told that his animations were based on real events and real living stick figures, is just sitting there watching this lunacy like this:
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#Alan Becker#animator vs animation#ava#Victim gets shoved into a cat carrier to keep him away from Alan#This does not stop him from trying mind you; it only pisses him off more#Alan has to grab TCO to stop HIM from beating the shit out of (and quite possibly killing) Victim which TCO also does NOT appreciate#Neither does Alan's hands which get a little toasty from the fire#Orange and RGYB are just watching the chaos tbh They're smart enough to not Get Involved#At least until things settle down and THEN they demand Alan's attention#Which is very awkward for Alan because Kaori is looking at him with a expression that demands he explain and QUICKLY#This situation is made even more awkward for Alan if he never told the Skittles Squad he was married; like they had ZERO IDEA she existed#Extra hilarious if Alan never kept it a secret from his YouTube audience that Orange and the Gang really existed#Because that would imply that Alan's own wife doesn't watch his animations and/or commentary videos lmao#Alan takes the idea of separating work and his personal life to the extreme#No one ever includes Kaori in anything & while I know the reason for it I feel like we're sleeping on some hilarious ideas involving her#Alan sending pleading looks to TCO: Please don't mention the enslavement thing please don't mention the enslavement thing--#Alan awkwardly: So uh honey d'you wanna adopt seven stick figure kids...? Kaori: That is not the most pressing issue right now Alan!#Kaori: That one is trying to kill you. Alan: I can fix him. Victim: No you can't.
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unproduciblesmackdown · 2 years ago
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getting gnc with it out & about at math meetup (or wherever)
#of course you have a zillion idea for faves' Looks. & also simultaneously none; if you're me#here's one: just the combo Different But Overlapping W/More Usual approach#easy to imagine winston Stays comfy to a sufficient degree &/or oft sticks to a Default kind of outfit approach. but anything's possible#like shaking things up gently for taylor too. always appropriate. ideal person from work to run into; as is often true#they can't make you link up that little taylor sketch w/any Sequence here. it can be its own independent taylor reaction lol#w/their slightly raised shoulders / all the more elevated [expressions i particularly like] it creates momentum like#well now i'd go and elevate winston's [expressions i particularly like] even more lol. the Especially Enjoyed trademarks/classics....#and of course we do not have winston running into taylor without Also being 💖😳 about it. what's Ever going on around here#tayston#winston billions#corned beef#winston's little a gnc with it even just in his tees & cargo pants. no normativity out here. genderdivergent & neurononconforming#i Did move to add sparkly gold eyeliner?shadow? take your pick b/c [Autistacity Shoutout]#taylor's outfit coloration based on [picked a medium grey like a tanktop akd had] & then was going to have spun off from a deep purple or#more like the burgundy taylor wears but a much lighter color would've just been more helpful w/all the Other lighter colors; like the lines#namely the lines showing up against it....so; stunningly; a bit more light blue for us all lol#another moment of pencil lineart but this time drawn today vs months ago. some digital editing; all digital coloring#as inaccessibly discussed prior....epic highs & triumphs of spontaneous sorts of [existing outside work's hostile environment] meetups#yes this is hoodie vs hoodie moments (they would never fight) (they may kiss???) (go back several tags & peruse things)
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fingertipsmp3 · 5 months ago
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Ughhhhhhh I hate writing and I hate not writing and I hate myself
#nearly bought a digital typewriter today. actually i DID buy a digital typewriter today. officially yes i have bought a digital typewriter.#the money for the digital typewriter has left my account but i have emailed them to cancel the order because i can't in good faith buy#a digital typewriter when i don't fucking WRITE#i thought it might help me get back into it. distraction free and while allowing me to not judge my own writing#and be continuously editing while i write and going 'i'm crap i'm crap i'm crap no one will ever read this and if they do they will think#that i'm garbage and that i should feel bad etc etc etc'#but it's too expensive and i have the feeling i wouldn't even like or use the thing once i got it#because the IDEAS! the ideas aren't coming to me. or rather they are but none of them seem to stick#i feel underconfident in writing any of them#and then i have old projects that i've always wanted to get back to like the tennis romance thing but SO much has changed since i first#started drafting it. like i don't even know if i like the main couple anymore. i kind of want to put both of them with different OCs of min#but it'd switch up the WHOLE story if i had a different cast#in fact most of the problem lies in the fact that i have this long-running bedtime story i tell myself every night with lore#and a massive cast of characters that i switch out depending on who i'm most interested in right now and every so often i incorporate new#themes and ideas and motifs and plot points sometimes based on media i've been watching because it's MY bedtime story and it doesn't matter#if i plagiarise in my own brain. but then obviously i can't plagiarise in real life#and none of my bedtime stories are GOING anywhere. sometimes i only get through a scene or two before i fall asleep#all of which means my bedtime story is not so much a sweeping epic novel but a sitcom with way too many characters#most of which are werewolves to be honest and sometimes for my own wish fulfilment one of them will walk out of my head#and take care of my problems for me by lending me £1million or murdering my best friend's ex. in my mind obviously#so it's like. it's a case of getting in there and annexing off the stuff i think i can use#it's like yeah i've definitely written several romance novels in my head in the process of this but does it matter if they're IN my HEAD#to be honest i feel like my main strength is in creating characters. like i have this one family of werewolves i've been slowly but surely#adding members to since i was like 16. maybe younger? no yeah i think i made the first one when i was 12#they're compelling to ME anyway. i care about them. it's just PLOTS. i can't plot#if a book could just be a lot of dialogue and sex scenes and silly moments and character studies i'd be alright#i also can't describe settings. don't ask me to because i can't#and now i'm just annoyed with myself because i sat down at my laptop to try to write and instead i'm here complaining about how i don't wri#and if i had the digital typewriter... i mean i'd probably still be doing this i'd just no longer have £300#i don't have the £300 anyway. i hope to christ they refund my card i'm a fucking idiot
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totheidiot · 6 months ago
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the phenomenon of sitting next to your crush in a gay manner.
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bylertruther · 2 years ago
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the brainrot is so bad that i'm sitting here trying to watch the godfather just thinking to myself "damn..... how can i make a byIer au outta dis... 🤔📝"
#karen's actress is italian... maybe karen is too... she's a civilian but mike gets roped into it bc ted is more involved as an accountant.#her family loves him and ted loves money and being able to provide for his family and all that Macho Family Man^tm stuff and#sure karen wants mike to do big things—bigger than just messing around with his friends—but she isn't sure that having him get#chummy with her family is the right idea. mike does it anyway bc it's what he's Supposed To Do and he's Getting Older and karen#thinks well... okay... if this is what you want... ❤️ and mike just nods and agrees like he always does bc thts easier than speaking up#or trying to figure out what the hell to do after uni and Much less scary than working on that book he's been working on since forever.#will's a civilian ofc he gets brought along to mike's family things bc mike wants the company but he doesn't Like that world and the#way they look at him. whenever lonnie used to get fired from whatever job he was working at then he'd end up doing ''favors''#for one of the other families and even though will's nothing like his father and he and his brother and his mom aren't even remotely#involved in that kind of life he still has his last name and it's a brand tht sticks. smth smth the romeo n juliet vibes of it all....#in this au maybe hopper hasn't been reformed bc there's no tragedy to pull him out of that so maybe he's on the wheelers' payroll#and he has a daughter tht they want to introduce to mike... smth smth mike going to will's apartment in the dead of night to get#patched up.. smth smth mike taking el to things instead of will.. smth smth will and mike getting into A Big Fight bc will doesn't#want to see mike continue to get hurt or lose himself in this world and become this person that he doesn't even recognize anymore#and mike starts goading him like oh why do you care so much huh blahblah and they've been dancing around this all their lives#but it finally comes out and it doesn't fix anything bc will doesn't want This mike and mike can't stand the way will looks at him now and#will storms out after having said the unspeakable.. goes somewhere and gets caught in the crossfire.. cue the body pulled from the quarry#parallel when el calls him immediately after she finds out from hopper and there's a horrible few hours where they don't kno if will's#gonna pull thru. he does ofc much to their surprise.. wake up calls n apologies are eventually had... hurt/comfort ensues.. mike talks#to karen and opens up for the first time ever bc they've gotten closer now.. smth smth um . gay people 🫶#mike in suits n gloves + will learning to not ask questions + el seeing tht will's apartment looks more like it's will-And-mike's#apartment bc there's so much of him and his things there and he always walks in n moves around like he owns the place +#will's hands shaking as he tries to tend to mike and he manages to keep it together until mike's all patched up but when he turns around#to clean up his shoulders are shaking and mike jus comes up behind him n hugs him through it bc he knows this hurts will more than it hurts#him (which is saying smth bc mike's blood is literally all over will's hands n dinner table rn so like)#SOOOOO self-indulgent but idc im free . (<- said thru gritted teeth and while closing my eyes so i don't have 2 look at this post)#also i say brainrot but i think tht has bad connotations now. i am just an Enjoyer a Lover a Scholar an Enthusiast one might even say..#mine
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godsofhumanity · 2 years ago
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in keeping with the theme of the Norse gods and Greek gods having a swap, what about a marriage? Been fantasizing off and on about Loki x Hecate pairing ever since you did that dialogue about Loki needing a skull and Hecate having like 8 of them. What do you think that would be like? Esp since Hecate is technically an Anatolian goddess adopted by the Greeks???
hee hee that loki x hecate post is SO old,, ur a real one anon for remembering it. honestly, when i made that post i was just putting random people together in a chat post.
but, i sort of always thought that marital relationships between different pantheons would be forbidden? so like, you can't marry someone from a pantheon different to yours. but just for the shits and giggles, i think Loki x Hecate would be insane. im actually not sure that they would get along as husband and wife-- Hecate strikes me as very proper and orderly, and Loki is chaos personified. also, Loki is self-serving, so i feel like it would be a love-hate relationship, very much what i imagine Loki x Angrboda to be like.
the only Norse x Greek pairing i ever considered in my life was Freyja x Apollo. idk, i just like the aesthetics of it?
u say you've been fantasizing about Loki x Hecate so i'd love to hear ur thoughts? i don't really have any myself 😭
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wizardlyghost · 2 years ago
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yknow i think i would maybe have had an easier time in life if i had been a little less autistic :/
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everymlmhybrid · 10 months ago
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This is awesome just remembered I get to write the frottage scene soon assuming I actually write more than 4 words this week.
#.txt#long tags sorryyyyy#fellas do you ever offer everything you can to a man in a silent beg for forgiveness and let yourself accept that seemingly the only part o#you he's willing to touch now that he knows what you are is your dick but whatever you'll take what you can get. and it's selfish too but#it's also all you can offer short of turning your life upside down for him which you refuse to do.#fellas.......... do you ever fight against yourself for weeks because you want and need to forgive someone but can't figure out how.#you ever get torn between someone you care about and nearly have forgiven but you keep getting caught on the fact it's such an unforgivable#slight in the first place. so you take all that he offers but you can't bring yourself to forgive him until he's in front of you with his#hair sticking to his forehead and his hand shaking where it's gripping your bicep.#and seeing him be so open and vulnerable when he really shouldn't with you and really never should have AT ALL with you. makes it finally#click & makes it possible to wrap your head around ''I love him. he cares about me. he did one of the worst things possible. I forgive him.#OR WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don't quote me on ANY OF THIS I'm always fucking around with motivations and wants and#needs and desires to make shit work how I think is best for all I know this is all useless#I hate posting my writing ever even when it's just set-up stuff like <- all that. BUUUUUT also I need a copy of all that for tomorrow to#remember . what I'm thinking abt basically. SOOOOOOOO YOU GUYS GET TO SEE THIS :3 hope u like what goes thru my head constantly while I'm#stocking shelves. sorry for long vague tags and endless talking yet again just need it written down#*that he'll touch is your dick. I have no idea how that typo happened what happened there
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svtskneecaps · 2 years ago
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btw we're dancing ever closer to a large milestone so. congrats. this is terrifying. where did you people come from. how are you still here.
#are the blogs still active#hey. hey. i'm poking you with a stick. do something.#not kpop#shut up vic#anyway i was kicking around an idea where i do like. '1k for 1k' where i post 1k of assorted drafts that died in my google drive#i'd leave it up to audience prompting but ngl i'd never get any lmfao so. it would be mostly my discretion with optional participation#it won't be for a while yet unless i can actually finish a piece for seventeen in the next six months (unlikely)#but i've been thinking about it#somehow people keep managing to find this blog which. how???#i haven't posted in a seventeen tag (purposefully) in almost a year#sorry if this is showing up in the tag btw i didn't mean to but i didn't think about it until right now and i can't edit tags rip#anyway idk where you people are coming from but you're welcome here#maybe one day i'll post writing again#i just got so averse to posting unfinished projects bc then they just. haunt me. especially if i end up needing to go back and edit#wit of the staircase and all that. i hit my stride in the second act and have to go back to fix the first#but you can't edit what's already been posted easily so. no wips leave my google drive.#plus they're mostly horridly self-serving and i'm the one being served so idk if anyone else could enjoy them#my current wip is a stress fic that developed a plot and i'm going to have to edit down the wish fulfillment if i ever post it#but that requires replacing multiple conversations and that's A Lot#anyway tag ramble over i just. think about things. wanted to check in lads.#if you're reading this i appreciate you also how the fuck did you find me#please tell me i'm genuinely so curious anon should be on no one will ever know please tell me please
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medicinemane · 26 days ago
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Make Puerto Rico a state already, don't like having second class Americans, and that's how I'd describe it when they're out there paying taxes, contributing to the good of the country, but they don't even get representation via things like a senator
Like I'm sat here thinking about it and... do Puerto Ricans living in Puerto Rico even get to vote for president? Cause... that's never listed in the electoral college vote count, so I'm gonna guess no
Seem to remember hearing somewhere something about "no taxation without representation", sounded pretty good I thought
Make Puerto Rico a state, make them a state. Every year I get more and more pissed off as I think about how fellow Americans are treated like this. I'm extremely pro Puerto Rico, they're clearly a part of the union... you either make them a state or make them their own country, you don't keep people trapped in this limbo state where they've got less rights than I do
#people bring up how the electoral college is there to avoid tyranny of the masses; and fair enough#(though I think it's a real broken system; and I'm not real keen on tyranny of the swing states either)#(like maybe if the electoral college was at least less winner takes all so people who don't vote like their state stood a chance)#(...I'm not gonna invent a substitution when no one's gonna implement it; but this system ain't great either)#but to the point; we don't want tyranny of the masses; right?#well here we are with Puerto Ricans not getting any say what so ever; unless I'm much mistaken... which everything I find says no#and listen... I'll be blunt; population isn't a number that ever means that much to me or sticks with me#I can't actually tell you the population of anywhere in the world cause... I tend to more just get a feel of how many people are there#like a lot; a little... like I know Nigeria has one of the highest populations; but I couldn't tell you the number#my point being; I don't know how many Puerto Ricans their are living in Puerto Rico; but it seems like a meaningful amount#it feels like they... gotta have more than like Wyoming; so it feels a little unfair if Wyoming gets a say and they don't; you know?#like no one would saying Wyoming doesn't deserve to have senators and representation in the house; and a vote for president#so why don't... I want to say millions of Americans; again; not great with the numbers side; but I feel like Puerto Rico probably has 2+ mi#I want Puerto Rican statehood; you search (and tumblr cooperates) you'll see I've been saying it for some time#also say I think DC should be a state too; and that Hawaii should be given a choice if they want to stay or not#like I like having em in the US; but they should have the right to choose#but those two I know are more radical ideas and less likely to be implemented#but Puerto Rican statehood... hands down it's a disgrace they aren't already and it goes against fundamental principles of the US#it's not like I personally know any Puerto Ricans (unless one of you is... I just don't know many people in general)#(like I don't think I know anyone from Maine either for example... lots of Arizonans though; but mostly people from my state)#anyway; I've got zero personal stake in this; it's just about what's right#Puerto Ricans are Americans; and they deserve a seat at the table... in this case a literal one; two senate seats and however many house#(I couldn't tell you what the breakdown is of population to house seats; and I'm not sure if we'd make new ones or shift from like Cali)#I don't see this happening in the next 4 years whoever wins (though... maybe have a feeling who would be more for it)#but I'll still keep saying it... I'll say it till they're given statehood
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memoryoflooping · 3 months ago
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my verdict on pfq is that this sucks so fucking bad. i made my account in 2020 and only now i can say i'm having fun bc i can shiny hunt and stuff way more effectively. doing stuff like tr as a solo player sucked so fucking bad (three months ago i was on dragon tr and i couldn't fucking shiny or albino hunt. i couldn't hunt until fucking july), and i don't even wanna hunt the cool specials bc w the revamps they will just. completely change the fucking colors, so if you liked a albino or melan the way it was you might as well die. do not even get me started on this shelter systemmmm bc like wym "The Shelter should remain an incredibly inefficient way to find Exclusives/Variants, whether that be for initially Dexing them, or for breeding extras to adopt through there" like how the fuck do you hunt them then?????
#harley screams#starting a exclusive hunt sounds so miserable. you are just forced to use daycare passes if you want to get anywhere#i would hunt Boreal Forme Flurrawr if they didn't do this bullshit to me. i love that little thinggggg#being a newbie in there sounds so miserable. like you literally can't do anythingggg. tr rolls around and you can't shiny hunt!!!#anf literally no one battles. on a pokemon fangame. how do you fuck that up! there's no point in having ivs and evs bc no one cares!#the guest interactions for delta points too like. dude in what world is this a good idea for the Holon Capacitor to be easier to get than-#the PokéRadar when the main method 4 getting dp on ur own is shiny and albino hunting and then you can just cheat for the guest dp anyway#and the admin sucks soooooo bad. i cannot believe the audacity he has sometimes LMAO. its so funny but like what on earthhhh#shoutout to him badmouthing a company he's in talks with regarding fixing a issue w an antivirus blocking the site#the fact that you have to get all the exclusives and variants sucks so bad too. and they're made harder to get on purpose#the exclusives aren't so bad you can earn them on your own BUT the variants? you're fucked!#the pokefusion ones are like. ok sure thats fine but the ones that aren't are like. dude how the hell do you get them on your own#i want to have fun in my little corner like i do on FR and not talk to another player ever in my life#and they don't even rerelease variants that were part of events.... not even for their premium currency.... they hate money#anyway unless you have friends who you know will stick with you through the horrid early game literally do not go in here its hell#sooo many trade evos and for whatttttt
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lxnarphase · 6 months ago
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━━ ❝ the way of the househusband ❞
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☾₊‧⁺...cw : househusband!fushiguro toji x fem!reader, you are megumi's mom, flirting, playful banter, just overall silly and cute domestic life
☾₊‧⁺...lunar's note : just some simple lil toji hcs of him as a househusband! i need some sweet stuff of him without a lot of sexual stuff in it bc let's be real, in a domestic setting he's probably just a big clingy and mildly annoying bear husband
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f. toji is never going to complain about being the one staying home, watching over the little gremlin that is megumi. he's got his own ways of bringing in money with that friend of his, shiu, but he's more than content to being the one in the frilly pink apron, cooking for you and the lil' man.
toji didn’t ever expect to get married, especially after how he was treated as a zenin. he didn't know much about love or how to connect with people, let alone you. but when you handed his ass to him with no struggle and a pretty smile on your face at the gym, he knew he wanted you. two years later and a shit load of aggressive flirting, toji ends up with you as his spouse and he wouldn't have it any other way.
so imagine toji's surprise when he's genuinely excited when you tell him your pregnant. he's excited but scared. him? a father? there's no way in hell he has any idea what to do, his own father was nothing but a piece of shit...so what if he turns out like him? but the moment you pop that big headed little fucker out of you, toji can't help but grin, that excitement of being a father and creating memories with this tiny little thing erasing all his fears.
whenever you come home from work, toji's usually in the living room with little megumi, who forced him to take part in the exercise part of his favorite kids show. you don't know how megumi, your one year old baby who still talked in little babbles, forced his massive giant of a father who could kill a man with a look to do 'exercise for baby,' but you know better than to question it when you see the two touching their toes in front of the tv.
sometimes, he's in the kitchen, however, wearing that 'kiss the cook' apron you got for his birthday. toji always wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you into a kiss, muttering a 'welcome home’ against your lips before poking your side and going back to what he was doing, proud grin on his face at the little screech he gets from you.
he's started to get better at dodging your hands when you go to poke him back, skirting around the table before going to scoop megumi up. “you would never do such an act in front of 'gumi, would you? what if he starts going around poking girls in their sides, hm? then i'll have to explain to his teacher that his mama can't keep 'er hands to herself.”
toji's got you there...so you back off, opting to press a kiss to babygumi’s little forehead, taking him from your husband’s arms when he makes grabby hands at you. you savor the betrayed look on toji's face, sticking your tongue out at him. he scoffs, rolling his eyes before going back to make sure dinner wasn’t burnt. he’ll get you back for stealing his son from him.
despite what people might think, there’s not really a 'dominant' person in the relationship. when together, the two of you give off some of the most intimidating vibes because of the sheer power the both of you carry. it's not even put off by little megumi, because if he notices his parents looking at you in disgust, he's gonna give you one that's even worse.
toji will never forget the day the three of you went to the grocery store, him in his usual black t-shirt and grey sweatpants, you in one of those same shirts and leggings with megumi in the kiddie seat in the shopping cart, eating from the little snack pack toji made for him. toji swears he walked away for three fucking seconds, and he came back to some...fucker getting ready to chat you up. it’s no surprise anyone that he gets pissed, ready to storm over there and make it clear you're taken.
however, it's clear you don't need him to step in, and damn, you look...really hot telling this dude off, angrily flashing your ring when he wouldn't back off. god, he wishes he could marry you again. toji doesn’t even know what you told the guy, and he's tempted to playfully ask megumi what happened, knowing his lil' man would try to respond in babbles and coos.
“he said you crawled out from the trash, toj, i can't stand for that! he could’ve done you some justice and said you crawled out of the deepest pits of hell, so I had to educate him on that. besides, he called you my boyfriend and I almost punched his face.”  “yeah? hm, i’m glad you didn’t, babe, we don’t want to get kicked out the store.”  “i don’t know, i think an imprint of my ring in his forehead would get the message across.”  “well, next time, how about we just kiss like we haven't seen each other in 15 years? not a fan of showing out to some dude, but i'd do it for you, sweetheart.”  “mmn!”  “right, lil' man? mama's so mean t' me, it's a good idea.”  “gumiiii, you're supposed to be on my side!”
occassionally, when you're at work, toji'll just talk to megumi, the little one nice and comfy on his chest.
one habit he'll never get out of is randomly calling you throughout the day when he's particularly bored and missing you. if you don't answer, toji will just leave you a message, usually about how badly he wants you to come home, groaning about how tired he is but he can't sleep without you in his arms, without you playing with his hair until he falls asleep. he's so in love with you, it's almost makes you dizzy.
you'll never forget the day you come home to toji and baby megumi in the front yard, crouched down around...something. parking in the driveway, you make your way over and see what they're looking at. it's...a kitten and a puppy, two tiny little things playfighting with each other. neither one of them say anything, just looking at the two creatures. you sigh, knowing exactly what this means.
"...give them appropriate names and make vet appointments. we aren't naming the dog 'hot dog' and we aren't naming the cat 'kitten'." "i told you it would work, lil' man."
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all rights reserved © lxnarphase | do not repost, copy, translate, or alter my work
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dykepuffs · 9 months ago
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How Do I Make My Fictional Gypsies Not Racist?
(Or, "You can't, sorry, but…")
You want to include some Gypsies in your fantasy setting. Or, you need someone for your main characters to meet, who is an outsider in the eyes of the locals, but who already lives here. Or you need a culture in conflict with your settled people, or who have just arrived out of nowhere. Or, you just like the idea of campfires in the forest and voices raised in song. And you’re about to step straight into a muckpile of cliches and, accidentally, write something racist.
(In this, I am mostly using Gypsy as an endonym of Romany people, who are a subset of the Romani people, alongside Roma, Sinti, Gitano, Romanisael, Kale, etc, but also in the theory of "Gypsying" as proposed by Lex and Percy H, where Romani people are treated with a particular mix of orientalism, criminalisation, racialisation, and othering, that creates "The Gypsy" out of both nomadic peoples as a whole and people with Romani heritage and racialised physical features, languages, and cultural markers)
Enough of my friends play TTRPGs or write fantasy stories that this question comes up a lot - They mention Dungeons and Dragons’ Curse Of Strahd, World Of Darkness’s Gypsies, World Of Darkness’s Ravnos, World of Darkness’s Silent Striders… And they roll their eyes and say “These are all terrible! But how can I do it, you know, without it being racist?”
And their eyes are big and sad and ever so hopeful that I will tell them the secret of how to take the Roma of the real world and place them in a fictional one, whilst both appealing to gorjer stereotypes of Gypsies and not adding to the weight of stereotyping that already crushes us. So, disappointingly, there is no secret.
Gypsies, like every other real-world culture, exist as we do today because of interactions with cultures and geography around us: The living waggon, probably the archetypal thing which gorjer writers want to include in their portrayals of nomads, is a relatively modern invention - Most likely French, and adopted from French Showmen by Romanies, who brought it to Britain. So already, that’s a tradition that only spans a small amount of the time that Gypsies have existed, and only a small number of the full breadth of Romani ways of living. But the reasons that the waggon is what it is are based on the real world - The wheels are tall and iron-rimmed, because although you expect to travel on cobbled, tarmac, or packed-earth roads and for comparatively short distances, it wasn’t rare to have to ford a river in Britain in the late nineteenth century, on country roads. They were drawn by a single horse, and the shape of that horse was determined by a mixture of local breeds - Welsh cobs, fell ponies, various draft breeds - as well as by the aesthetic tastes of the breeders. The stove inside is on the left, so that as you move down a British road, the chimney sticks up into the part where there will be the least overhanging branches, to reduce the chance of hitting it.
So taking a fictional setting that looks like (for example) thirteenth century China (with dragons), and placing a nineteenth century Romanichal family in it will inevitably result in some racist assumptions being made, as the answer to “Why does this culture do this?” becomes “They just do it because I want them to” rather than having a consistent internal logic.
Some stereotypes will always follow nomads - They appear in different forms in different cultures, but they always arise from the settled people's same fears: That the nomads don't share their values, and are fundamentally strangers. Common ones are that we have a secret language to fool outsiders with, that we steal children and disguise them as our own, that our sexual morals are shocking (This one has flipped in the last half century - From the Gypsy Lore Society's talk of the lascivious Romni seductress who will lie with a strange man for a night after a 'gypsy wedding', to today's frenzied talk of 'grabbing' and sexually-conservative early marriages to ensure virginity), that we are supernatural in some way, and that we are more like animals than humans. These are tropes where if you want to address them, you will have to address them as libels - there is no way to casually write a baby-stealing, magical succubus nomad without it backfiring onto real life Roma. (The kind of person who has the skills to write these tropes well, is not the kind of person who is reading this guide.)
It’s too easy to say a list of prescriptive “Do nots”, which might stop you from making the most common pitfalls, but which can end up with your nomads being slightly flat as you dance around the topics that you’re trying to avoid, rather than being a rich culture that feels real in your world.
So, here are some questions to ask, to create your nomadic people, so that they will have a distinctive culture of their own that may (or may not) look anything like real-world Romani people: These aren't the only questions, but they're good starting points to think about before you make anything concrete, and they will hopefully inspire you to ask MORE questions.
First - Why are they nomadic? Nobody moves just to feel the wind in their hair and see a new horizon every morning, no matter what the inspirational poster says. Are they transhumant herders who pay a small rent to graze their flock on the local lord’s land? Are they following migratory herds across common land, being moved on by the cycle of the seasons and the movement of their animals? Are they seasonal workers who follow man-made cycles of labour: Harvests, fairs, religious festivals? Are they refugees fleeing a recent conflict, who will pass through this area and never return? Are they on a regular pilgrimage? Do they travel within the same area predictably, or is their movement governed by something that is hard to predict? How do they see their own movements - Do they think of themselves as being pushed along by some external force, or as choosing to travel? Will they work for and with outsiders, either as employees or as partners, or do they aim to be fully self-sufficient? What other jobs do they do - Their whole society won’t all be involved in one industry, what do their children, elderly, disabled people do with their time, and is it “work”?
If they are totally isolationist - How do they produce the things which need a complex supply chain or large facilities to make? How do they view artefacts from outsiders which come into their possession - Things which have been made with technology that they can’t produce for themselves? (This doesn’t need to be anything about quality of goods, only about complexity - A violin can be made by one artisan working with hand tools, wood, gut and shellac, but an accordion needs presses to make reeds, metal lathes to make screws, complex organic chemistry to make celluloid lacquer, vulcanised rubber, and a thousand other components)
How do they feel about outsiders? How do they buy and sell to outsiders? If it’s seen as taboo, do they do it anyway? Do they speak the same language as the nearby settled people (With what kind of fluency, or bilingualism, or dialect)? Do they intermarry, and how is that viewed when it happens? What stories does this culture tell about why they are a separate people to the nearby settled people? Are those stories true? Do they have a notional “homeland” and do they intend to go there? If so, is it a real place?
What gorjers think of as classic "Gipsy music" is a product of our real-world situation. Guitar from Spain, accordions from the Soviet Union (Which needed modern machining and factories to produce and make accessible to people who weren't rich- and which were in turn encouraged by Soviet authorities preferring the standardised and modern accordion to the folk traditions of the indigenous peoples within the bloc), brass from Western classical traditions, via Balkan folk music, influences from klezmer and jazz and bhangra and polka and our own music traditions (And we influence them too). What are your people's musical influences? Do they make their own instruments or buy them from settled people? How many musical traditions do they have, and what are they all for (Weddings, funerals, storytelling, campfire songs, entertainment...)? Do they have professional musicians, and if so, how do those musicians earn money? Are instrument makers professionals, or do they use improvised and easy-to-make instruments like willow whistles, spoons, washtubs, etc? (Of course the answer can be "A bit of both")
If you're thinking about jobs - How do they work? Are they employed by settled people (How do they feel about them?) Are they self employed but providing services/goods to the settled people? Are they mostly avoidant of settled people other than to buy things that they can't produce themselves? Are they totally isolationist? Is their work mostly subsistence, or do they create a surplus to sell to outsiders? How do they interact with other workers nearby? Who works, and how- Are there 'family businesses', apprentices, children with part time work? Is it considered 'a job' or just part of their way of life? How do they educate their children, and is that considered 'work'? How old are children when they are considered adult, and what markers confer adulthood? What is considered a rite of passage?
When they travel, how do they do it? Do they share ownership of beasts of burden, or each individually have "their horse"? Do families stick together or try to spread out? How does a child begin to live apart from their family, or start their own family? Are their dwellings something that they take with them, or do they find places to stay or build temporary shelter with disposable material? Who shares a dwelling and why? What do they do for privacy, and what do they think privacy is for?
If you're thinking about food - Do they hunt? Herd? Forage? Buy or trade from settled people? Do they travel between places where they've sown crops or managed wildstock in previous years, so that when they arrive there is food already seeded in the landscape? How do they feel about buying food from settled people, and is that common? If it's frowned upon - How much do people do it anyway? How do they preserve food for winter? How much food do they carry with them, compared to how much they plan to buy or forage at their destinations? How is food shared- Communal stores, personal ownership?
Why are they a "separate people" to the settled people? What is their creation myth? Why do they believe that they are nomadic and the other people are settled, and is it correct? Do they look different? Are there legal restrictions on them settling? Are there legal restrictions on them intermixing? Are there cultural reasons why they are a separate people? Where did those reasons come from? How long have they been travelling? How long do they think they've been travelling? Where did they come from? Do they travel mostly within one area and return to the same sites predictably, or are they going to move on again soon and never come back?
And then within that - What about the members of their society who are "unusual" in some way: How does their society treat disabled people? (are they considered disabled, do they have that distinction and how is it applied?) How does their society treat LGBT+ people? What happens to someone who doesn't get married and has no children? What happens to someone who 'leaves'? What happens to young widows and widowers? What happens if someone just 'can't fit in'? What happens to someone who is adopted or married in? What happens to people who are mixed race, and in a fantasy setting to people who are mixed species? What is taboo to them and what will they find shocking if they leave? What is society's attitude to 'difference' of various kinds?
Basically, if you build your nomads from the ground-up, rather than starting from the idea of "I want Gypsies/Buryats/Berbers/Minceiri but with the numbers filed off and not offensive" you can end up with a rich, unique nomadic culture who make sense in your world and don't end up making a rod for the back of real-world cultures.
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badbtssmut · 4 months ago
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Magic Stick
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Jungkook is kinda sad because he has never been with a girl who could take him balls deep because of his size, reader doesn't believe him and she wants to see, but he tells her that he can't atm bc he's not hard. She is wearing this kinda halter top style with no bra so she looses the top and shows her tits to him and let's him touch them. After he's hard he shows her his dick and she says she's willing to try to take it all and she rides him into the sunset
Admin note: idea by anon
Contains: Big dick JK, handjob, some boobplay, missionary, riding, reader expresses that she is uncertain if it will fit, it takes some time getting it fully in ;), reader whimpers a bit, JK’s ex cheated on him, jk cums a lot
“What’s wrong with you?” You glanced over to your best friend, he has been in a horrible mood for a week and no one knew why. Not even your mutual friends knew what was up with Jungkook.
”It’s nothing.” He mumbled in response.
“Come on, I can tell something is bothering you.” You pushed.
"Fine. My girlfriend broke up with me.” He finally cracked.
"Wait, what?” You stood from the dining table, and inched closer to Jungkook who was sitting on the sofa. “Why’d she do that?" You question, shocked by the sudden news. "You two seemed so happy. What happened?"
"She… she was cheating on me.” He confessed.
"Are you fucking kidding me? What a bitch." You really couldn’t believe what you were hearing.
“Don’t blame her, I guess.” Jungkook said and shrugged his shoulders.
"Don't be silly. You’re too forgiving." You sighed.
"It's not that. The sex, my size— it just never worked out in bed. It was never a good fit." Jungkook confessed, a tinge of sadness in his voice.
"So, you're saying, she dumped you ‘cause of your dick size? The fuck? That's just shallow. Why would she do that?" You sat next to him.
"Yeah, it didn’t fit, literally. I’d hurt her, it wasn’t going to work out from the start. We tried a few times, but the whole experience was just awful. I guess she couldn't stand it anymore." He said, defeated.
“That doesn't make any sense, surely you aren’t that big? Are you sure she’s not just making excuses?” You couldn’t believe his ex would end things with him over his size.
"No, I am that big." Jungkook replied.
"Really?" You were skeptical.
"I've always had a big dick." He added.
"Show me."
"What?"
"Show me." You repeated. “I just want to know if you’re bullshitting or not.”
"No." He declined, looking at you as if you said the most ridiculous thing ever, clearly embarrassed by your request.
"Oh, come oooon, we are best friends. It’s not like I’ve never seen a dick before in my life." You rolled your eyes. "I'm not going to judge you, I promise. Just let me see."
"Fine." Jungkook sighed. "But… I’m not hard now.” He muttered.
“Will my boobs make you hard?“
“Hell yeah. You got great tits." He said, a bit too enthusiastic, as if he had been dreaming of the day you’d offer your tits in return to see his cock. You stood right in front of him, loosening the straps of your halter top. His mouth was slightly open, as he looked at you, completely mesmerized. You removed the straps from your shoulders and let the shirt fall to your tummy, revealing your breasts.
"Like what you see?" You teased.
"Yeah. Very much." He was nearly drooling at the sight.
"Want to touch them?"
"Fuck, yeah." He nodded, eager. You stepped closer and his hands were instantly on you. Squeezing your breasts, rubbing his thumbs on your nipples, taking it all in. When he was done caressing your tits with his hands, he started to suck and lick on them, at which you moaned softly, and the sound of it made him rock hard. He was definitely huge, you could see the tent forming on his pants.
"Are you sure you want to see it? It's… quite big." He was almost apologetic, as if his huge dick was some sort of inconvenience for others.
“I do, show me already.” You chuckled, not sure what he was being shy for.
"Okay." He nodded, unbuckling his belt, and lowering his jeans, together with his boxers.
Holy shit.
How was a dick that big even possible? You didn't even think that dicks like that actually existed. And it wasn't just long, but also thick. No wonder his ex broke up with him. You were pretty sure that dick wouldn't fit anywhere.
"Wow." You couldn't believe your eyes.
"Told you. It's big. You wouldn’t believe me." He shrugged.
"Can I touch it?" You asked, still unable to avert your eyes.
"If you want." He agreed, a little surprised but not put off by the idea.
You grabbed his dick and slowly moved your hand up and down his length, marveling at how big and heavy it was, how thick. His cock was truly impressive, and it seemed to get even bigger as you stroked him. You wondered what it would be like to take him.
“Wow. This is amazing. How can you fit this inside a girl?" You were truly impressed, and couldn't help but keep stroking his cock.
"I can't." He admitted, his breathing starting to quicken. “No girl can take it, they always start out confident but when it’s actually in… they can't take it. Not even halfway through. I have never met a girl that can take me all the way, even the ones that brag about having experience are not able to." He sounded dejected.
"I bet I can." You challenged him.
"No. You can't. There's no way." He scoffed. All of the girls said the exact same thing, and it never worked out, ever.
“Want to bet? If I can’t take it, I’ll give you 200 bucks.” You said, not convinced by his pessimism.
"200 dollars? That's a lot of money." He said, surprised by your proposal, but he shrugged. “But alright, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
"Are you sure about this?" He asked, for what seemed to be the hundredth time.
“If you ask me one more time… I will leave." You said, annoyed.
"Sorry. Just don’t want to hurt you." He apologized with a defeated sigh. It made you feel bad for getting annoyed, but Jungkook really had nothing to worry about.
You got this.
Jungkook held onto his cock as he pushed the head of it against your slick pussy lips. Your body tensed a bit, but he took his time, working on you slowly. You breathed deeply and relaxed, spreading your legs further as his shaft dragged against your sensitive skin. His cock was so hard and thick that it rubbed against every single inch of your folds.
Jungkook continued to move his hips back and forth, his errection dragging against your clit with each thrust. The sensation was amazing, and your body was trembling in pleasure, and he wasn’t even in yet.
The tip poked against your lower belly as he continued to rub the shaft against your pussy, his hips moving slow and steady.
“Want it.” You whined.
“Yeah?” He whispered.
"Yeah."
He lined himself up with your entrance, pressing the head against it. You tilted your head back, fuck, that was only the head, how could you feel this full already?
Jungkook began to slide his cock into your wet, aching pussy. His cock was stretching you out so wide, it felt incredible. He stopped when the head was all the way in, giving you a moment to adjust. Jungkook slowly pushed his cock deeper inside you, inch by inch. You could feel his cock filling up every inch of you, the stretch and pressure so intense, it was almost too much.
"Shit, you’re stretching me so good…” You moaned, as his cock kept going deeper.
"How are you taking it so well? I can't believe you can take it this far, pussy takes big cock so good, baby." He pushed in more, eager to fill you with every inch.
You couldn't speak, the sensations were overwhelming. It felt like your pussy was being stretched to its limits, and there was a pressure deep inside you that made your mind go blank.
Jungkook's cock was buried all the way inside you now. You were filled up completely, and it was the most amazing feeling you'd ever experienced.
"Don’t move,” It felt as if he would rip you in two if he pulled out even a little bit. "Not yet. Give me a minute." You whimpered, as you adjusted to his length and girth.
Jungkook nodded, kissing your neck, his hands cupping your breasts.
“This is how pussy feels, huh? Fuck, this is amazing. So tight, warm, perfect." He whispered against your ear, as he kept his dick deep inside. “It’s like my cock is being choked and squeezed, so good.”
“Told you… I could take it.” You said in a shaky breath, sitting up only to peek at where your bodies were joined, impressed to see how your body managed to take that monster cock in.
“You can move now." You gave him permission.
Jungkook started to move his hips back and forth.
The pressure from his dick was too intense, it felt like you were being split open, and you thought you were going to pass out from how good it felt. You held in your breath, unable to moan as you tilted your head back and closed your eyes, enjoying the feeling of his cock stretching you wide.
Whereas you were silent, Jungkook was grunting, groaning, panting, moaning, he couldn’t contain his pleasure. Jungkook was overwhelmed by the feeling of being buried deep inside you. His thrusts were slow and deep, his cock pushing against your inner walls, massaging them.
You opened your eyes and glanced at his face, he looked like he was in ecstasy, his mouth was open and he was moaning with every thrust.
His cock felt incredible, so big, so deep.
You had never felt anything like it before.
"I can't believe I'm fucking a pussy that can take my whole cock. Shit, it feels amazing. Pussy is so tight and wet. So fucking good. Never felt anything like it. Fuck!” Jungkook licked his bottom lip, picking up the pace.
Jungkook was pounding you now, his cock thrusting in and out of your dripping pussy, hitting all the right spots. Fuck, you were seeing stars, your whole body was on fire.
You couldn't stop yourself from screaming in pleasure. You spread your legs as far as you possible could, allowing him to thrust even deeper into you. Jungkook continued his relentless rhythm, his thrusts were hard and fast, the sounds of his cock slamming into your pussy filled the room.
The feeling of his dick filling you up was indescribable, it was pure bliss.
“Want to ride you, want to sit on that cock." You needed to feel in control, and you wanted him to watch you as you sat on his massive dick.
Jungkook pulled out and laid down on the bed, his dick standing straight up, and you couldn’t wait to take it all again.
You straddled his hips, hovering above his erection and you slowly lowered yourself down onto his cock, gasping as it slid into you, the pressure and friction sending waves of pleasure through your body.
Jungkook's hands were on your ass, helping you move up and down on his cock. He was thrusting his hips upward, matching your rhythm, driving his dick even deeper into you.
"God, you look so hot riding my cock. Never would’ve thought to see this.” He bit his lip, his eyes roaming over your body.
"So big…” All you could think of was how his cock felt inside of you, how shallow it might sound… you couldn’t even think of the person attached to it.
Jungkook was now holding onto your hips, pulling you down harder onto his dick. His thrusts were strong, and fast, and it felt so fucking good.
"Fuck, I can't last any longer. Gonna cum soon." His thrusts became erratic and he was moaning loudly, his whole body shaking. You rested your hands on his chest, grinding against him, trying to match his rhythm.
"Y/N… like that, love it just like that." He moaned, his breathing unsteady, his fingers now gripping into your thighs.
“Yes, yes…” You whispered, riding his cock, feeling your own orgasm build up inside of you.
“Ah!” Jungkook beat you to it, his body stiffened as his cum spurted inside of you, filling you up. He was gasping for air, his face was flushed, and his grip on your hips loosened, he ran his fingers through his hair as he squirted his cum deep inside of you. It was as if he had a never ending supply of cum, shooting spurt after spurt, his cock throbbing as it emptied its load inside you.
“Keep going, y/n, you didn’t come yet, I’ll stay hard, take what you need, keep going." He encouraged, his breathing still shaky, his dick was still hard, and it was pulsating inside you.
"Yeah." You whispered, continuing to bounce on his dick, the feeling of his cum inside of you and the sight of him beneath you, sweaty, breathing hard, his hair sticking to his forehead, was so incredibly sexy. The sound of your drenched in cum pussy sucking him back in was loud, his cock coated in your juices and the cum that was spilling out of you was bringing you closer and closer to the edge.
You leaned back, resting your hands on his thighs as you moved up and down, faster, deeper, until you were finally climaxing, your orgasm taking over your body. Your body shook and your eyes fluttered open and shut as the warmth spread through your whole body, you had never felt anything like it before. You could feel the hot cum leaking out of you, and it just kept coming.
Your hips slowed as you rode out your orgasm, and when it was over, you collapsed onto the bed, panting.
“Jungkook?”
“Yeah?”
“You owe me 200 bucks.”
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valwrote · 6 months ago
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PICK YOUR DOMESTIC HUSBAND 🛒
WHICH HUSBAND IS ON THE DOMESTICITY MENU TODAY?
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featuring: diluc, alhaitham, zhongli, wriothesley, neuvillette.
synopsis: glimpses into married life with the genshin men.
warnings: implied fem!reader, occasional pet names, ooc (I have a sparse idea how diluc works, mention of "activities" (just mention I can't write smut pls), silly goofy ah loser coded men, mild swearing (damn, heck)
a/n: *stretching my back and crunching my neck.* I'm back from the dead. apologies for the choppy writing. thanks for the support on the other posts, if only I could write 50-page essays thanking everyone. <33 :')) not proofread.
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DILUC 🍷
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PRODUCT NAME: BREAKFAST AND KISSES IN BED. Diluc always hated the Knights of Favonius… 
He hated how most of them just stand around like buffoons and do not partake in any actual work that involves saving Mondstadt. He wouldn’t admit that he enjoys playing Batman. He hated them all except for one.
One he was willing to forgive all flaws of. "Knight of Favonius…always so inefficient,”  He scoffed at the pathetic sight of the hilichurls trying to dry roast a few knights roped to a wooden stick for their dinner. “Seriously, You’re so right Master Diluc.” Diluc’s head turned so fast at the sound of a new voice. When did you get here? Were you always there and how did he not sense you around?
That’s simply how you always were. A hard worker amidst slackers – he always termed despite Jean trying to explain that others work hard too. Perhaps that’s what caught his attention, honestly, he would never know what did. “G’morning…” He murmured against your skin, head buried in the crook of your neck, your flushed bare back pressed against him. “5 more minutes…” he heard your soft and groggy voice evoking a chuckle from the usually passive man. “Have I ever told you…how beautiful you are?” Diluc muttered against your skin. You smiled and turned around, “You always do. I remember my Dark-Knight Hero crying at the altar.” You pressed a finger against his chest, while he scoffed at the memory. “Don’t remind me about that, Kaeya doesn’t let me live that down…” He sighed, his brother consistently brought up the matter of him crying whenever he was losing an argument. Foul play if you ask anyone. “So…breakfast downstairs or in the bed?” He planted a kiss on your cheek while you hummed out a response, “Bed, you didn’t exactly go easy on me the previous night.” You recalled the events of the passionate night the day before. The honeymoon phase never seemed to end. “I am so sorry–” He panicked,” You're not in pain are you? I promise I’ll be gentle– I knew I should’ve been more considerat–” You stopped him by pressing a kiss against his lips. He groaned at the feeling of your soft lips touching his hands tangling themselves in your hair.
“I’m kidding silly… you should stop taking things so seriously unless you want me to start searching for grey hairs amidst those red locks of yours.” You snickered out seeing him release a breath of relief.
If the Darknight Hero really does exist, he's probably just someone in disguise. When he gets up in the morning to brush his teeth, it's the real him. He was his real him in front of you. People may call him a loser for such vulnerability…he was a loser for you.
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ALHAITHAM 🌱
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PRODUCT NAME: READING BOOKS OUT LOUD. One would say married to someone like Alhaitham was nothing short of a nightmare. They weren't 100% right. Shrouded beneath the aloof and meticulous personality resided someone who was in complete denial towards being loved. He loves it.
Who was he kidding? Nobody in a million years thought someone could put up with his insufferable personality — said Kaveh, his unpaying tenant. That was until he ran into you during his time as the newly appointed Scribe. You were like a painter, splashing heaps of paint in his 90s black-and-white life. Was eating ice cream always this enjoyable or was it because it was with you? Was the gossip between co-workers always this interesting or was it because it included you?
Why was his heart having an entire Queen’s rock and roll concert talking to you? Was it cardiac arrest or– He almost shuddered at the thought of it being what they called love.
“You’ve got flour on your face, sweetheart.” His teal eyes blinked amusingly into yours, a faint smile curling up his lips. You must have saved a nation in your previous life to land this man as your husband. Beige shirt perfectly sculpting around his abs – contrary to him calling himself “feeble,” hair slightly tousled and slight sleepiness in his eyes. He might not act like it but he was a little child whose needs had to be tended to like the coffee mug in his hands which you made, like usual. You wouldn’t want a cranky Alhaitham now, would you? “Hmpf, not my fault, this cooking book is completely bogus!” You rubbed your cheeks with the back of your hand, wiping away any remaining flour. “This is so boring…if only someone could provide their poor wife with some entertainment.” You always resorted to theatrics to get him to do things for you, albeit begrudgingly. “No, the same tactic is not going to work again.” “Please…” “No…” He groaned, tone almost pleading not to put him through the torture again. “During better or worse!” You resorted to the ace up to your sleeve. WEDDING VOWS! “Stop quoting the wedding vows.” He sighed in defeat. The most intellectually gifted man in the nation couldn't win against his own wife. Ironical. He got up and grabbed a book out of the bookshelf; a small fraction of his much larger library.
“Miss Elizabeth,” Alhaitham lazily flipped through the pages earning a rebuke. “More emotion! You are ruining the scene.” Alhaitham sighed and cleared his throat, “I love you most ardently…” His tone was feathery soft, emotion surging in it. A smile crept up as he stared at you endearingly.
“That’s much better. Though I seriously think Mr Darcy should’ve said– Miss Elizabeth, allow me to kiseth thy lovely lips.” You mimicked the deep voice of the character with the failing British accent. “Please have mercy on Jane Austen’s ghost and let her enjoy the afterlife.” Alhaitham chuckled and continued reading as you continued baking.  It was a shame that a man of such talent only paid attention to the truth itself and not to the people around him. If only the searching eyes of the ordinary say the exception to his indifference, you.
This was your biosphere, just you, him, novels and food encapsulated inside your small home.
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ZHONGLI 🪨
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PRODUCT NAME: ALWAYS ON HIS MIND. What is the best but the most useless flex you have? Being married to the Geo Archon. The inability to just tell the whole world that you are married to the frigging god was painful. You yourself were surprised by your ability to control yourself. Zhongli was a man of carefully curated words. Instead of words, straight-up poetry flew out of his mouth. Everyone knew how much he adored his wife, every vendor, every acquaintance, heck even Venti. Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's mysterious consultant. Handsome, elegant, and surpassingly learned. Excellent memory. A master of courtesy and rules. The amount of poor women who have tried to grab his attention. "Mr.Zhongli, how does this look?" the woman, who he remembered meeting over a history discussion 17 days ago. "Hm?" his amber eyes shifted to gaze at the hairpiece the lady was holding. "Most exquisite.." He remarked, seemingly going into deep thought. Instead of a compliment, he said something that made the woman back away, "Such beautiful craftsmanship...may I ask you to tell me where you found this? I wish to buy one for my wife–" he paused, seeing the lady vanished after pointing at the shop where she got it from. "Zhongli, you should be able to tell why people approach you..." Hutao sighed, standing beside the rather oblivious gentleman. "Let's just continue...we've got customers to find!" Hutao started walking alongside the railing, hoping to find people in need of funeral services. "Maybe we should go and ask peopl– Zhongli??" Hutao looked around for the Consultant, who was caught up chatting with a shopkeeper over some earrings. "Zhongli!" Hutao called out to him, causing his head to turn towards the director. "Oh, apologies...It seems I got too carried away. These earrings caught my eye...I'm sure [Name} would love them.." he mumbled, staring at the jewellery. "I'll take them." "Mister Zhongli? What about the payment..." The shopkeeper meekly asked, causing Zhongli to turn his head fully at Hutao; gazing expectantly. Hutao should've expected this... "Zhongli, we are out here to find customers! Not buying gifts for [Name], her birthday is months away!" "They say the best things should be done first. After all, why must I wait for one specific day to express my love for my beloved?" Zhongli asked curiously and Hutao shaked her head; love was clearly out of her expertise. Zhongli, he is particular about everything. He only attended the best operas and focused on the perfect ratio for the creation of an authentic dish.  On a typical day, all you will glean from him is a few pieces of useless trivia, because he particularly enjoys sharing these fun tidbits with you. He was particular about you and your likings. A smile on your face was what he wanted by the end of the day. For being someone alive for 6000 years, he could proudly say that he loved and cherished something– someone.
"Wait here, Director Hu...Perhaps I should get those flowers over there to accompany the hairpin and earrings..."
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WRIOTHESLEY 🐺
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PRODUCT NAME: BATTLE TO BUY A DOG OR NOT.
"Wriothesley, I want a dog!" You crossed your arms, staring down at the Duke who was glued to the chair in his office. “But why? That’s just unnecessary responsibility…” Wriothesley sighed, rubbing his temples. This was the 3rd time this month you’ve brought up this topic. Was he that incompetent in terms of filling his role as your significant other? Perhaps not with the never-ending paperwork. Oh, how he wished people would just stop committing crimes. “I get lonely in the Fortress…I want a child.” You put forth your point by using the term ’ child’. Child, dog same thing. You hoped to finally convince him this time.
“We have Sigewinne.” Wriothesley pointed at the head nurse prepping tea in the room with the back of his pen. “I am sorry, Your Grace but playing the role of the child is out of my job description.” The Melusine replied indifferently, pouring freshly seeped tea into the three cups. “Fine, we will go get one…I’ll schedule a meeting with the owner of the pet shelter. Happy?” He asked you, chin resting on his palm. Perhaps getting a dog was a good idea as he was guilty of being unable to spend quality time with you… “No way…” “Isn’t that..?” “The Duke of the Meropide–” “He rarely appears in public..” Wriothesley held out the door to the shelter for you, hoping you would go in and it would finally save him from the gaze of curious onlookers. The two of you walked in, only to be pounced upon by a big dog. “Kal! You sly dog! I knew I shouldn’t have let you out!” The caretaker yelled at the big ball of black fur who had tackled Wriothesley to the floor and was aggressively licking his face, tail wagging in delight. “Are you okay?” You asked your fallen husband, who just chuckled in response. “I am good just– Okay stop! I understand your gesture of love.” Wriothesley got up as the dog encircled him. “This one is so adorable…” you gasped at the cuteness radiating from the dog and its big brown eyes. “You’ve got a keen eye! This is Kal, Shiloh Shepard, one of the finest dogs out there.” The caretaker combed her fingers through the thick and groomed black coat of the canine. “He seems to have taken a liking to the Duke.” The caretaker continued as the dog ran back to Wriothesley, peppering his face with licks. “He even looks like you.” You teased as Wriothesley stared at you in disbelief. You did not just compare him to a dog…he even did a double take at the dog to confirm. “We will take this one then…” He chuckled in amusement. Never had he imagined marrying you and on top of that getting a four-legged beast. Needless to say, Wriothesley proudly walked out of the shelter, holding the big dog in his hands like a child. It felt complete ever since getting Kal; like your own little family. Wriothesley wouldn’t admit it but he loved the dog, despite it hogging all of your love and attention. He didn’t expect to be fighting over cuddling rights with a dog!? 
He watched you and Kal sleep peacefully on the couch, keeping him company while he finished up his work. He felt a sense of gratitude…people of the Fortress knew little of the crime he once committed. The only one who still remembers it like yesterday is Wriothesley himself. And no matter how much glory or repute he has earned, he still considers himself to be the same old Wriothesley he's always known.Neither a good person nor a complete villain. He's just another soul, still living on in this world. However, your eyes always reassured him in ways he couldn’t describe. Everything was perfect…
[Name]!! YOURDAMN DOG PISSED ON MY COAT!! Maybe not that perfect…whoops.
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NEUVILLETTE 🌊
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PRODUCT NAME: HELPING THE OTHER DRESS.
Monsieur Neuvillette, The Iudex of Fontaine, always wondered how his life had come to this. 500 years of serving his position as the Beacon of Justice, a lovely, beaming baker somehow broke the monotony. Well, calling you just a baker was now an insult. With your ring finger bejewelled, with one of the rarest gems– an ode to his undying loyalty and representation of his eternal love. “It’s astounding how a covert mission conducted by melusines could’ve landed someone such as myself a lady like her…” He muttered to himself, seeing his full form in the mirror. “Talking to yourself, again?” You leaned against the door frame, lopsidedly smiling at the peculiar antics of Fontaine’s most distinguished man. “Ah, apologies…I didn’t think you would notice me conversing with myself. Now I find myself in a rather awkward predicament.” He chuckled. Dear god, this man was so beautiful that his beauty was almost blinding with the morning sun perfectly hitting his face.
“Say ah,” You requested and he complied. Who better to take constructive criticism from other than your husband? “New filling?” He covered his mouth while chewing on the croissant. “Yup, how is it? I was experimenting with some Rainbow Roses and these Inazuman berries I bought.” You blinked curiously, waiting for some input. “Hmm it is very pleasant, it is fascinating how you manage to maintain the freshness of the fruit…” You smiled at his compliment, before noticing him struggling with the jabot around his neck. “Need help?” You offered and he nodded his head. “This is absurd..it usually isn’t this difficult.” He frustrated replied, it was amusing to see the cool and collected man all worked up about clothing. “I suggest simplifying your outfit.” You attached the jabot and secured it in with the teardrop brooch, fixing the ruffles. 
“Thank you. I do prefer my outfit as it conveys the message I wish for it to convey.” He explained before staring at you. You knew that look, he looked at you with his eyebrows slightly creased when he was hesitating from saying something. “What is it?” “Do I get a goodbye kiss before I leave?” “Pfft! I didn’t think you would take that seriously!” Conclusion: this man was wayyy to cute.
Neuvillette is a solitary person. Neuvillette is not known for his personal desires.
He was deemed as someone with unassailable impartiality. If only they knew that perhaps the Iudex was just a wee bit biased.
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a/n 2.0: the crust will come off...hopefully. i wonder if it's possible to guess which one of them is my favourite??
don't steal, copy, plagiarise, or translate.
©definitelysel
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