#can't stand the Google keyboard

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

good grief I hecking hate Google

[daughterofcain-67]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐩𝐭.2

CEO Jensen x Plus Size Female Reader

(masterlist)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Monday has finally arrived and things are certainly smoother than expected. Jensen is certainly showing you a side you didn’t expect and it turns out that your roommate has a few surprises waiting for you.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: nothing that I can think of?

The weekend had been filled with nothing but a Smallville marathon with your roommate. A part of you wondered if Rhema was more excited about your new employer than you were. Well actually, there wasn't a doubt in your mind about that. It was obvious when she nearly blew up your phone with different articles about Mr. Ackles buying the previous company just to expand his own casting company.

In a way, Friday had felt like a fever dream.

Still, you wondered why on Earth he left acting just to go into a business like this. Being a celebrity seemed like it would be such a better option. He wouldn't have to worry about any of the stresses of keeping a business alive, but here he was in the metal casting industry. It was definitely a 180 from acting.

Now that Monday had arrived though, you had to get back to reality. This Jensen guy was like the boss of everything, so if you could just stay off his grid and below the radar then maybe you'd survive the week while the company makes their adjustments to everything.

Once you made it to your cubicle you set your computer bag down on your desk and placed your coffee beside the monitor only to notice there was a little sticky note in front of your keyboard.

You took your seat in the little swivel chair and picked up the note to read what it said.

Apparently it was just a note from the IT guy giving you the new temporary passwords to your computer and other accounts for work since they had to reset a number of programs over the weekend as you'd predicted. You placed the sticky note elsewhere for the time being before you grabbed the supplies you needed to start the day.

After you pulled out your laptop and plugged it into the office system you logged into everything using the new password from the note and thus, your day began.

Your email had changed to your first initial and your last name @newedencasting.com, that would surely take some getting used to when you were handling phone calls. Although New Eden Metal Casting would just be an umbrella for the other casting departments that were under the previous owner - at least that was what you were assuming at this point in time until further notice.

In your email, there had some video tutorials sent to you for how to use the new programs the office was required to use now and once you watched them and started to get a hang of everything, you were finally able to start your work. Each new order, product question, or order status request was assigned as a case through this new program and you started getting to work, luckily your screen wasn't too bad for the time being.

While you were focused on work, your phone was sitting on the night stand and the screen started lighting up with message notifications from Rhema. You tapped on the screen to see some of the previews of the messages and you weren't really surprised at some of them.

RS: Is he there yet?

RS: What's he wearing?

RS: Send me a picture! I wanna see! I bet he's even more beautiful in person!

Then you noticed she sent a GIF with an animated character that had heart shapes for eyes, which caused you to chuckle, though you picked up the phone and started to message back.

YN: I can't just take a picture without his consent. That would be both rude and unprofessional. Plus I don't really want to interact with him and be tense at my own job.

Shortly after that there was another reply.

RS: Fineeeee, I guess I'll have to just take to Google or Pinterest.

You couldn't help but to roll your eyes a little before you placed your phone on the stand once more and resumed your work. Then you started hearing some footsteps. A couple of sets of them rather than one and you heard some voices.

"When was the last times those machines have been replaced? Some of them look old." You recognized Jensen's voice now that you've binged some of his previous work.

"They've been here for about as long as I've been here. So I'd say maybe fifteen years or so. We get them inspected every year to see of they have any faults and repair accordingly but I'm not sure we've ever had them replaced." You didn't recognize the other voice but you were positive it was one of the managers in the manufacturing and production department.

You supposed Jensen wasn't going to waste any time in making changes, but if it's been a long time since the machines have been replaced, maybe it was time to make some changes, not that you really paid much attention. Although, now that you've thought about it, Some of your emails last week did have to deal with some product returns because of manufacturing errors.

As you clicked on one of the cases and began to read the email you could still hear Jensen and the other individual discussing the machines before they stepped into the office right beside your cubicle and one of them shut the door. You had almost forgotten Jensen was practically right beside you for the next five days.

As you handled more emails and closed more cases whenever they showed up on the screen, you realized that there was an email that required you to actually go and talk to the engineering department. So, you printed off a sheet that was in the email and went to the printer that was conveniently by the engineer in your department.

Once you made it to his office, you knocked on the door before calling out: "Dylan?"

Once Dylan heard his name he turned around in his chair and looked over at you, "Whatcha got?"

You smiled a little. Dylan was probably one of the nicer guys there, despite his reputation for being a little rough around the edges. When you first started working he did intimidate you but once you started learning from him, you discovered he really wasn't that bad of a guy. He was one of those hard-to-read people that doesn't tolerate a whole bunch of nonsense, but Natalie said he liked you so that was enough for you to not feel s stressed anytime you needed to ask him a question.

"I've got this rep that has a customer in the paper industry wanting to order a few gears but they go beyond the biggest size we've got. Do you know if there's gonna be some new molds coming in with gears that have a bigger circumference than we've got now?" You asked and you handed him the paper that has the blueprints from that email.

Dylan took the pages from you and looked over the part they were needing before he went to the New Eden website, which you were stunned they changed it that quickly but it looked to have the other business branches still in tact including yours. You watched as Dylan typed the gear model into the search bar and started looking into alternative options.

"I haven't heard anything about getting new molds anytime soon so for now they're gonna need to contact one of the other departments that will have a gear in the size they need. Forward that email to me and I'll do some digging to get them to the right part they need." He answered as he handed the page back to you.

"Thanks!" You grinned and he nodded a little in his typical stoic way before he went back to checking his other emails, so you left his office.

As you started walking you couldn't help but hear some of the other Customer Service members talking.

"Did you see the way he was dressed? I didn't think he'd be that casual after his first impression on Friday." One of them said but you couldn't pinpoint who it was. But you knew they were talking about Jensen.

"He seems friendly though, still want to know why he's spending an entire week here. As a CEO you'd think he'd have other people come by and just observe the place and then email him about what they think of the place. Still makes it tense just the fact that he's here." Well, you supposed it was good to know you weren't the only one nervous about working with him here.

"Well at least it's only for a week and then everything can just go back to normal." A third person said and you shrugged a little to yourself before you started making your way back to your little cubicle.

That was when an office door opened and both Jensen and the man he was talking to earlier stepped out. You nearly froze in your tracks since you didn't want to bump into either of them and sure enough, you saw the more casual way Jensen was dressed with the black long sleeved shirt and a pair of jeans. Maybe he was going to make some frequent visits to the shop floor. You supposed you could understand not wanting to get nicer clothes dirty if he was spending his time in the manufacturing area.

When the other guy left, you had assumed Jensen would follow him out of the office area but instead he stayed but before returning to his office, he turned and he caught a glimpse of you. He gave a little grin and slight wave, which you returned with a little wave back before he went to his office and shut the door again. You assumed it was for some kind of virtual meeting.

"That was awkward..." You muttered under your breath before you walked to your desk so you could forward that email to Dylan.

Jensen had just finished his third meeting of the day and he knew the company would need to buy new machines so they wouldn't have faulty parts returned to them. As soon as he found out there had been more product returns last year bleeding into this year he knew he'd have to find a way to fix that as soon as possible, and when he walked onto the shop floor that morning he noticed there were more waste with the wax parts within the first part of the casting process and that had to've been part of the reason for delayed shipment. So one of the first machines Jensen wanted to get taken care of were the was presses.

By the time noon finally came around Jensen remembered he'd told Hyden to order lunch for everyone before they'd clock out for their breaks. So he walked out of his office and realized the workers had gotten their lunches from wherever Hayden ordered from and Jensen decided to walk around, stretch his legs after those meetings.

He didn't get very far though since he saw you at your cubicle. You seemed so zoned-in with your work. If a fire alarm were to go off he wondered if you'd even pay it any attention. Then when he thought about it, he didn't think he'd heard you really speak much that morning unless you were on the phone.

Jensen walked up to your cubicle and observed the way you were typing away like there wasn't any tomorrow. He raised a brow before he cleared his throat a little before speaking.

"Y/N, right?"

He could tell you were a little thrown off since your typing had faltered.

"Yes Sir." You'd answered and wrapped up the email and sent it off before you turned in your chair and looked up at him.

"Is there.. something I can help you with?" Jensen sensed the awkwardness in your tone and he chuckled a little.

"First off you can relax. And quit with the 'Sir' stuff. Making me feel like I'm in my eighties or something." Then he noticed you break your poker face and a smile tugged at your lips even if it was subtle.

"Just wanted to see if the new program was giving you guys any problems. I know a lot of changes were made over the weekend and wanted to know how the CSR department was adjusting."

You nodded a little as he spoke and you tucked a strand of loose hair behind your ear since it must've strayed from the bun you were wearing.

"So far it's not too much of an adjustment on my end. It's similar to the program we used before but the tutorial videos that were sent this morning did help a lot." You answered and Jensen nodded a little. That had to be the most he'd ever heard you speak before, then again he hadn't been there that long.

Jensen wasn't quite sure what to make of you. You seemed to have a lot of indifference and from the looks of it, you spoke only when you were spoken to.

He glanced around your cubicle and started to observe.

"How long have you been working here?" He asked curiously and you paused as if you were trying to think about it.

"December 2nd would make four years." You replied.

"So when do you plan on moving into this place?" He recalled how plain looking it was when he peeked in your space Friday.

This question seemed to catch you by surprise and Jensen saw you look around your little area then he noticed the way you rubbed the back of your neck.

"Not sure. I guess I haven't really thought about personalizing this place. I'm sort of plain in that sense I guess." Jensen managed to get a chuckle out of you while you responded and he smiled a little.

“Well… think about it a little more. A plant could brighten this place up a bit, plus it’s supposed to help produce oxygen and everything.” Jensen said and he heard you chuckle a little.

“I’ll give it some thought.”

“Good… I’ll let you get back to it. If you need anything… you know where I’ll be.” Jensen insisted, gesturing to his temporary office before walking away from your spot and onto his next destination.

Eventually he came across Natalie's office, recalling she was the CSR lead. He may have to pocket that information for later. Who knew when he'd her. After roaming around the office and conversing with some of the other office workers, Jensen found himself out on the shop floor where everything would be manufactured.

Jensen was lucky that he remembered his safety glasses were dangling from the collar of his shirt so he put them on as he continued to walk around. All around him, he heard machines grinding and almost groaning with each step of the process of work being done.

He watched as one of the workers walked from their wax press and went over to some large metal box. When the door opened, Jensen saw the man reaching into the box and he pulled our a large, cylindrical tube that seemed to be filled with already melted wax before walking over to an older looking press. It seemed so outdated and old, making the process so much slower but on the flipped side, it sort of made Jensen nostalgic because this was the exact kind of machine he used when he first started in the casting industry as part of the manufacturing team.

Jensen remembered having to reach into some large, rectangular heated box that had similar cylindrical tubes filled with already melted wax. Jensen also remembered how he burned his hands the first couple of times because he didn't know what he was doing during the training process. Obviously it got better with time and he found out ways to install the tube into the press without burning himself.

Jensen also remembered the countless hours he spent at the press making all sorts of parts and making sure the wax parts came out just right. There was no room for error unless he wanted the metal piece to turn out terrible looking at the end of the casting process. There were so many times he had to make sure the wax was cooled off just right to handle in order to clean off the edges, but not so cold that it would easily break in his hands. It was sort of tough to learn the right techniques at fist but Jensen was glad he got the experience.

But that was all back in 2007 or so, the mid 2000s after he stopped acting and right before he went to school for business. So yeah, that machine was definitely outdated and he noticed there were two others in the factory that needed to be changed out for newer machines. One of the meetings this morning pretty much made that official and now it's a matter of finding a good deal on a few of the machines and how fast they'd be able to get them here.

Eventually, Jensen made it to the quality department and saw the quality team inspecting some of the items before they'd go off to shipping.

"How's everything looking?" Jensen asked one of them and she looked up.

This girl had bright red hair and freckles across her face, bold green eyes behind the safety glasses. When Hayden was introducing Jensen to everyone on Friday, this girl had introduced herself as Amber.

"So far everything's looking good. Had a couple of returns but the items were able to go to stock and we can resell those items. But there were a couple of other orders that were supposed to be replacement orders and some of the parts were iffy at best." She explained with a shrug before going to one of the boxes she had inspected before pulling out one of the items.

"From the looks of it, the wax process was the problem and whoever approved the parts to go to through the rest of the casting process seriously slacked off. Whoever was at press three didn't wait long enough for the was to cool down so in these metal fittings there are a couple of dents and imperfections." She explained as she handed the part to Jensen to inspect for himself.

Jensen took the part and looked at the piece, noticing what went wrong. Inside the opening of the fitting he could see there were some problems and on the outside there were little dents that looked kind of like fingerprints from where someone was having trouble getting the fitting out of the mold during the wax process.

"We're looking into getting new machines soon so this doesn't happen. Looks like some of the machines can't cool the wax fast enough. Plus whoever was on the inspection side needs to be trained better and know it's things like this to watch out for so they could have the wax station redo those parts. You said press three?" Jensen question and he got a nod from Amber.

Jensen recalled walking by that machine and it was another old one they'd be replacing at some point, preferably sooner rather than later depending on how fast they'd be able to find the right that's close by.

Just before Jensen was about to say something to Amber, his phone started to ring. So he handed the fitting back over to Amber to put back in that returned order pile before answering and started walking back towards the main office area.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Ackles, we found a company that can make sure we can get at least one new press here in about three weeks. But the other two you want to replace would be about a month and a half away." Hayden said from the other line.

"What are they asking for those machines?" Jensen asked and when Hayden told them the price they were looking for, Jensen thought about it.

"Send the company's info to me via email but let's do a little mor price checking. It doesn't have to be a local company. It does sound like a good deal to keep in mind though." Jensen said before concluding the phone call and hung up the phone. Then a few minutes later his phone lit up again with an email with the company's information from Hayden.

"Definitely a start." Jensen muttered to himself as he used his badge and pressed it against the black scanner next to the corridor leading to the main office area before entering.

Another day was finally over, but you had to admit it was a much better start to the week than you were expecting. And it was a lot better then the previous week for sure despite having to learn new programs and make sure the reps were sending their orders to the correct emails.

As you were packing up your belongings you couldn't help but hear some of the other CSR ladies talking as they were packing their things and clocking out for the day.

"He's a lot more relaxed than I thought he would be. For sure means business with the changes in the factory floor though. Those new machines will help the department a lot." One of the ladies spoke.

"Still, don't you think he's too pretty of a guy to be in this kind of business? My sister did some looking on the internet and found out he was an actor in the 90s and early 2000s. He was dreamy for sure, he should've stuck with that!" Another lady said.

You were sure a certain roommate of yours would say the same thing.

As you were walking towards the door, the ladies whom those voices belonged to were behind you and before you knew it they addressed you as well.

"Y/N, what do you think of Mr. Ackles?"

All you could really do was shrug. Frankly what happened that afternoon around lunch was the most you got out of Jensen and you were shocked that he even came to talk to you after you aimed to stay under his radar. Then again you initially failed to account for the fact that his office was practically next to your own.

"Oh come on, you have to have some kind of opinion about him, more than just a shrug at least!"

You thought about it and pursed your lips while you opened the door and the three of you started walking outside to your cars.

"I don't know really. I mean he's trying to be approachable which I think is important. Better than flaunting your authority and intimidating people on purpose." You finally replied.

“That’s a suck up’s answer. What do you really think of him. Like if he wasn’t like everybody’s boss, what do you think?”

You tried to think, really think about it. Even you had to admit he was attractive when he was younger. Sure he was definitely something to look at even now you supposed. What else would they want you to say?

“He’s… cute I guess? I really don’t know what to tell you other than he’d be just another guy outside of work.” You said and the other girls just snickered at you.

“You wouldn’t try hitting on him or anything like that if he were just another guy and you both just happened to be at a bar?” One of them asked, causing you to get a little flustered.

“Probably not.” You chuckled nervously, putting your hands in the pockets of your cardigan. It was an honest answer though; you weren’t exactly the one that would make the first move in public. Or in any situation for that matter if you were completely honest with yourself.

“Anyways… I’d better go. See you both tomorrow.” You rushed to your car before they could ask you anymore questions about the CEO. You were just ready to go home and maybe make some tea.

Once you finally made it home, you took your shoes off and hung your keys on the little key rack that was beside the door.

“Finally! You made it back! I thought you’d never get here! I got you a little surprise.” Rhema exclaimed with so much excitement in her eyes, you had to admit the suddenness took you by surprise.

“Um… a surprise? Did I miss something?” You asked and she giggled at you.

The next thing you knew, Rhema was walking out of her bedroom with a box in her hand and there was a corner of a blanket draped on the outside of it.

“No. But I figured sometimes you may need a little company on weekends where you want to stay here and when I’m covering shifts at work.” Your roommate explained, causing you to grow a little skeptical as she walked over with the box.

“Well? Take a peek!” She giggled and that was when you heard a little noise, almost like a whine or a high pitched squeak. You couldn’t exactly pinpoint the description of the sound. But it certainly caught your interest and you slowly peered into the box.

When you looked inside you saw a small, short haired, blue eyed, calico kitten that couldn’t be bigger than your own hand. You could feel your heart soften at the sight of the little creature looking around the small surroundings of the box before it looked up at you. You couldn’t help but break out into a smile when it started to make that noise again before you reached into the box to pick up the kitten.

“Oh my gosh, Rhema!” You said, stunned that there was even a kitten in the house. You weren’t expecting to come home to something like this. The kitten continued to let out those little noises as you held it in your hands.

“You need to work on your little meow. Otherwise you’ll be stuck sounding like a squeaky toy.” You said and Rhema giggled.

“Do you like her?” Rhema inquired and you looked up at your friend who seemed so eager to keep her.

“I do. She’s precious. Thank you.” You smiled and she set the box down and you gave her a little side hug since your other hand was occupied with this kitten.

“Oh I hoped you would! The landlord is already okay with us having her, the pet fee has already been taken care of. All that you need to worry about now is giving her a name.” Rhema continued as she let go of the hug.

“Sounds like you had this all planned out, huh?” You chuckled and took a seat on the couch. When you did, the little kitten started climbing up one of the sleeves of your cardigan. You snickered a little before you pried the little creature from your sleeve and set it down in your lap.

“Well… I wanted to get her for you last week since it sounded awful but I couldn’t do that. But I was able to stop by the pet store again today and lucky for us she was still there so I picked her up and brought her here!” Rhema admitted and sat down next to you, then she reached over and used her first two fingers to rub the top of the kitten’s head.

“Now all that’s left to think about now is what you’ll name her.” Rhema spoke.

You looked down at the little creature in your lap that was circling around before laying down like a little cinnamon roll. Your head tilted a little to the side as you started to pet the little kitten, slightly surprised that it seemed to be getting used to you already. After all it wasn’t like you were some sort of Disney Princess or whatever that had animal powers.

“I may have to do some thinking about that.” You admitted and you could hear the kitten purring, causing you to grin to yourself.

“I gotcha. Maybe sleep on it tonight. But don’t take too long! We can’t call it cat forever.” Rhema snickered and you grinned, nodding in agreement as you continued to pet the new little addition to the apartment.

“So… how did things go today? Still rough from last week?” Your roommate asked, so you began to list off some of the things that happened that day.

You told her about how it was a little easier than last week, how some things needed a little adjustment with everything as far as the new systems, rumors of new machines, more rumors of new vendors to sell the product for the different brands under New Eden. Then you proceeded to tell her about how Jensen actually came and talked to you a bit and even suggested to decorate your cubicle area. You still weren’t sure if you would do that or not. Then you told her about the questions your coworkers were asking you and you finally went home.

“Wait, why wouldn’t you ask him out if you didn’t work together?” Rhema asked, although you doubted that was the only question on your mind.

“That’s what you got out of that? I’m just not that kind of person and you know that. Plus I wouldn’t have been in the bar in the first place so that scenario wouldn’t have even made sense for me.” You said and Rhema scoffed a little before she rolled her eyes.

“So, you gonna decorate after all and make it more your own? I’ve been suggesting you do that for years - ever since you first started pretty much.” Your roommate said and leaned back into the couch before she grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.

“I’m not sure… wouldn’t it seem unprofessional?” You asked while Rhema turned on Smallville, returning to your binge watching since you two didn’t complete the series over the weekend.

“You’re kidding, right? The CEO even said you needed to liven the place up. No, it’s not unprofessional. Tons of people do a little decorating in their desk area. This weekend we’ll go to the store and get you some plants or something. Maybe we’ll get you some little lights to hang around the border of your cubicle.”

Smallville’s theme started playing through the speakers and you had to admit you found some moments throughout the day where that would be in your head for a while before a phone call would interrupt your thoughts. You did start to like Jensen’s character though since you and Rhema just got to the first few episodes he was in.

“As long as you don’t send me to work with pictures of Jensen to hang on my walls from his acting days, I think we’ll be good.” You laughed and Rhema giggled too.

“No but you and your coworkers should take some of those pictures and print out tiny copies to hide throughout the office for him to find. He sounds light-hearted enough to get a kick out of a little prank like that.”

“I’m sure some of them may have thought about that already. It’s just a matter of if they can print out those pictures without getting caught. Unless they have their own personal printers at home and they can print them there.”

“I really hope they do! You should suggest it to them! Gives you some sort of thing to talk with them about too!” You smiled a little.

“Yeah I suppose.” You said, still a little unsure of whether or not that would happen, and you felt the little calico kitten squirming a little in your lap, causing you to look down at her.

“I really should come up with a name for you.” You admitted.

“By the way… How do you feel about blind dates?” Rhema asked sort of out of the blue, causing you to glance over at her.

“What are you talking about? You didn’t arrange anything did you?” You questioned.

“No no, I didn’t arrange anything yet. But…. I have this coworker that has a brother as well as a friend. They are both single and supposedly cute but I’ve never seen pictures of either of them. It’s just an idea my coworker had and I told her that I had a roommate that’s single too and maybe it could be some kind of double-blind date.” Rhema said and you lifted about brow.

“Uh, no. I bet this is the real reason why she brought you home, Little Critter.” You looked down at the kitten who let out a little squeaky sound in response.

“It’s not! Can you at least think about it? I mean if not I’ll still go on the blind date but I just thought this could be something we could do together.” Rhema spoke and you looked back at Rhema, then over to the television screen.

Several thoughts were going through your mind. A blind date? Really? What if something didn’t work out? What if something went wrong and you made a fool of yourself?

“Rhema… I really don’t know…”

Rhema pouted a little before she poked at your shoulder, “Hey… if a date seems a little intimidating for you… then we don’t have to call it that. Maybe consider it like you’re going as my moral support? A chaperone even? I mean… a blind date is a scary idea for me too. I’m used to at least knowing the guy before agreeing to go out with them. I wouldn’t know if this guys is some kind of creep and if he is, I don’t exactly wanna be by myself for that.”

“Well… when you put it that way…” You trailed off as you looked at the kitten again.

“It’s not like it’s supposed to happen tomorrow, right now it’s nothing but an idea.” She told you and you nodded a little. You could tell she was trying to put your mind at ease, which you were thankful for.

“I’ll think about it. After all, I can’t hand my roommate over to a couple of kidnappers, can I?” You joked and Rhema broke out into a smile before she wrapped her arms around your shoulders and hugged you.

“Great! Let me know what you think by Wednesday. Maybe we can go out Friday night if nothing else.” Rhema insisted and you smiled a little.

“Wednesday… got it.”

Tag List:

@deans-spinster-witch @roseblue373 @nancymcl @jackles010378 @hobby27 @chriszgirl92 @lyarr24 @wirdbeimaufhebengebunden @blackcherrywhiskey @prettyinplaid94 @suckitands33 @muhahaha303 @winchesterwild78 @ladysparkles78 @stoneyggirl2 @kr804573 @bobbdylan @n-o-p-e-never

[code-es]

how do I set up vsc correctly? I always get project file not found error and I can't find a solution on the internet. Lmk if you have a fix :(

Hi! Thank you for the ask! I wonder in what situation this happens to you? When trying to open the file? Or when trying to run some command? Could be different reasons so maybe my answer won't really help you... But! I've had this issue sometimes; for example, once, I was trying to run a python script, but it wouldn't let me.

Here, the issue is that the folder I have open in VS code is a parent folder to the folder where the file I'm trying to run is located. Here, I'm running the script with the help of the "play" button on the top right.

What it does, I suppose, is try to run the file day-3.py in the directory/folder that is currently open in VS code, but! In the folder advent_of_code_23, there is no file called day-3.py!

So, your issue could potentially be that you are accidentally running your script in a parent folder where it can't be located, since it's in a child folder.

If you still want to have a parent folder up and running, and see all your children folders, you could use the terminal to manually access and run your script.

Step 1: open a new terminal (top option)

Step 2: in the terminal, type ls (stands for list) to see all the folders in your parent folder

Step 3: type cd (stands for change directory) and then the name of the folder you want to navigate into, where the file you want to run is located. (TIP! You can use the tab button on your keyboard to autofill the folder name)

Step 4: Now you can see that your location has changed to be <C:\...\parent-folder-name\child-folder-name>, which means you are now in another folder! So for me, now the location is <C:\...\advent_of_code_23\day-3>, which means I can now directly access everything in this folder! In my screenshot I also typed LS to see what the contents of my folder is.

Step 5: In here, I can now run my python file by typing python day-3.py

If you're working in another language, I would recommend googling "how to start a [language name] in the terminal". Or, if you're running for example a React project, you may want to look in your package.json to see what scripts are available, and run those with your preferred package manager, such as yarn or npm.

In my case, this project is set up with yarn, so I would run this using the yarn dev command.

I hope this has been somewhat helpful, and if it didn't resolve your issue feel free to reach out to me personally and I'd be happy to take a look at your specific case. I can't promise a definite fix, but I can promise that I'll try! 🩷

[the-angriest-author]

Beta Readers?

Hi guys...

I'm looking for someone to read my poetry manuscript. Because the poems are chronicles from my life I can't be objective and I'm not entirely sure how other people will perceive/ take it.

I'm not necessarily looking for in-depth critique, I want to know what 'the people' think. Like just a regular Joe not a professional. If you can't but you know someone who can LET ME KNOW!

I'll forever be in your debt. Or if you wanna do like an "exchange" where I read yours and you read mine I'm willing.

My hope would be to have people of different genders, ages, and races so that I can see how each demographic responds.

The poetry book is called To The Stranger Who Stumbles. And It's 5900 words and 45 poems.

Here's an excerpt:

I Am But a Character for You to Pity

I like to pretend you’re here with me, The reader of these poems.

I like to pretend you stand behind, And your eyes skim the words That my fingers patter onto the keyboard.

I like to pretend I hear your reactions I think your voice drowns out The critical mother That must have things perfectly arranged Or the passive father That must be hard enough to endure But soft enough to be molded.

I like to think I hear your whispers, How does that heart beat so delicately in her chest? What are the words trapped behind the veil?

I like to pretend you’re here with me, So that I might feel less lonely.

Lemme know if you can!

I'll send you an email with the manuscript as well as a Google form to fill out. Even if the feedback is as simple as "It's pretty good I liked it" I'll appreciate it!

PS The book is copyrighted so don't even try to steal my shit

ok luv u

[plantsarepeopletoo]

Only Friends Music Ep2 (2/2)

Part one covers the first half of EP2, or you can find links on my pinned comment.

This is a series of posts taking a closer look at the music of only friends. Reminder, Playing with the music is like body language, it moves with the conversation. Verbal says something either through lyrics or something like a song title.

Warning, this is long, but a lot of it is lyrics and music players.

Last song of [2/4]

Song: Alright Come On by Sonic Spark Type: Vocal Scene: Friends go wakeboarding

The friends and Top go wakeboarding and Alright Come On sounds like a party song, something to hype everyone up. Lyrics start when Top goes out on the water,

Oh you're so pretty and mean It ain't what it seems But you really stand out against the lined up faces

They edit the song so the lyrics pause, and we get Mew correcting Cheum, saying Top isn’t his boyfriend. The lyrics start again when April is out wakeboarding

When are we going to be alone I guess the fight is on A knock out for a kiss in the empty spaces

At that line, Top turns to look at Boston, who had been staring at him.

[3/4]

Song Blue Skies by JAKE $ING

Scene: Top is helping Mew put together a table

Type: Verbal/Playful

In the show, the song has no lyrics, but it does use the song as a way of expressing the emotion, and beats of the scene. The drum beat starts after Top says, “so that you can think of me when you look at it”. And continues while Mew offers the cookies, and Top tries to get Mew to feed him. The rest of the instruments come in after Top says “I've been doing this for so long that my arms are tired. Can’t you see?” Everything but the drums pauses when Mew picks up a cookie, and there are three bass drum beats like a heartbeat before Mew asks “How about I feed you like this? If you want it come and get it” 

Keyboard and guitar start up again, Mew puts the cookie in his mouth, a snare beat as Top moves to get the cookie, and the song continues in full from there. It dissipates along with the mood when Mew pushes Top away after he goes in for a kiss, yelling “You can’t do that”  

Here are the lyrics, not in the show, (Translated lyrics in [brackets]. Used google translate, so I left the original Korean.)

Wow You look so perfect  I’ll hit the ground  If you keep on looking at me like that  And you  Don’t know what you do to me  And I  Would probably go and end it all If you found out  No words can explain what  I’m feeling  Being with you feels as easy as breathing  And right when I do you just  Go on and steal it  Am I out of my mind?  You got me so high  Being with you feels like blue skies  [I'm bored day after day without you]  너 없이 하루 하루 지루해  [I can't think when I see you]  난 널 보면 생각 잘 안돼   [Because you are so beautiful]  아름다워서  You got me so  [Time goes so fast when I'm with you] 너랑 있을때 시간이 너무 빨리 가  [Now when I see another girl] 이제는 딴 여자 볼때  Out of focus, [I can’t see] 보이지 않아 [Only you] 오직 너 뿐이야 (okay) [Never turn my gaze] 내 시선은 절대 안 돌려 [From the first moment I saw you] 처음 본 순간 부터 It was clear skies from day one got me so high  [Floating] 붕뜬 spaceship, we in that ufo sight (we in that)  I’m falling fast for you, no parachute  [Leave now] 이제 떠나버려 lonely life 'Cause I finally found something true 

Lyrics tell of falling for someone, but being horribly afraid to let it be known, I know I’ve gone off about Mew needing control, and I am thinking it’s because of fear. Top has so much more experience than him, and @VivienneActing just tweeted that Mew may be Demi, so this might be one of the first times Mew is feeling like this. That’s why he needs to control the beats of the relationship, or Top might set his own pace again like he did at the beginning. I do think Mew has feeling for Top, but he might not trust Top enough to let him actually kiss. Especially as their first kiss escalated so quickly beyond Mew’s control

While the song talks about it being easy to be with a person, and being so high, it also talks about falling without a parachute. Emotions both new, and stronger than he’s ever known. A mixture of euphoria and fear.

For further reading on Mew thoughts from @rocketturtle4:

More specific, but slightly older (EP3 and before writer’s Demi tweet) here. 

And more general, but more recent (EP4) thoughts on communication here

The Negotiation scenes:

This section is a bit different because we get three scenes of negotiation in a row, and just watching how differently they use the music. Especially with Sand and Ray's scene at the end.

Song: Look At Me Closely by Blue Topaz Scene: Top asks to stay the night at Mew’s place, after the cookie.

“Can I stay the night here?” Top starts the negotiation as the drums of Look at me closely start. Mew puts up a boundary, saying Top can stay, but sleep on the sofa. Top pushes at the boundary, testing if he can get more, “I didn’t get out of line (before). Don’t you trust me?” 

Side note, look at everything someone says if they say this very closely. Are they pushing you to do something you’re not comfortable with? 

Back in the scene, Mew remains firm, reminding Top that they have reset, this is their first sleepover. That “We are not a thing.” The guitars come in, without the bass, but they continue their talk. Mew stays firm in what he wants until Top relents, only asking for a blanket, and the music fades.

Song: Running Around In The Dark by Ryan James Carr Scene: Boston and Nick talk about their relationship

Running around in the dark- Nick fumbling around in the dark trying to be more than just a “favorite”.

Nick starts with "What are we to each other?" Boston counters with giving him options, "Fuck buddies, or Friends with Benefits?" As Nick thinks, drums start playing, the negotiation has started.

The bass comes in while Boston explains, fuck buddies don’t care what the other does, while friends with benefits are friends but they sleep with each other. The music pauses when Nick asks "And what am I to you?"

"What is the matter with you? Don't tell me you're into this already. If so, I'll stop. I hate dramas." Boston has completely over ridden the negotiation, using his trump card of stopping completely if Nick keeps pushing. An low, droning organ song plays as Nick backtracks, "I'm not being dramatic. I asked out of curiosity." Higher piano notes come in right before Nick chooses fuck buddies, trying to set a boundary. Boston immediately pushes in, scooting closer to Nick, trying to appease him. "We can push our status a little farther"

The music just sounds sad, slow, with a distant sounding piano that doesn't quite have a melody.

Song: unknown Scene: Sand and Amm outside the bar

Next scene is with Sand, Amm, and Ray outside the bar. They play with the music again in a way I really liked. Sand and a girl walk out of the bar, Lost in a dream is playing, steady rock, confident. Stops when Ray shows up

While Ray and Sand are talking we get a drum, stopping with a Bass slide at “Have you known each other long”

Sand replies and we get a bassline and drums back as Ray talks to Amm, then music pauses “Come to my place instead.” And music comes in with everything, drums, bass, guitar, Ray is dominating the negotiation. It goes on until Sand pulls Ray away from Amm. We get a bass drum start up at Ray begging Sand to go with him (With or without Amm). Cymbals and snare join as full drum beat at “You’re such a pesterer” And Sand apologizes to Amm, the beat pauses for her to scold him. She leaves then we get the full song. It's one of my favorite music scenes, do check it out, if you have time.

Song: อย่าดีกว่า (Better Not) by Micro Scene: Sand and Ray driving to Ray’s house Type: Vocal

Next scene, Sand and Ray are going to Ray’s. A Micro song plays i the background of their conversation. Ray sings the Chorus:

I better not, Just forget it, I should forget, forget it, Keep telling myself that I should not.

Whole song is about having a secret crush on someone and watching them, but the part that is actually louder, that Ray sings along to, is about not starting, about forgetting about the whole thing. EP4 Spoiler: So, we know who this was about now. And it’s interesting to me that Ray is singing this song with Sand in the car. Like he knows he still has an attachment to someone else, but being with Sand feels good. That the old feelings have no hope in being reciprocated so he should let go. 

[4/4]

Song: Halo: sing me to sleep Scene: Ray and Sand talking at Ray’s house Type: Vocal

Ray and Sand at Ray’s house, as Sand offers to be Ray’s friend there is a soft acoustic guitar. Until Ray starts playing Sparkle Shirt Shiny Shoes on the record player. It’s funky and just serves as background music. But, There is a sound, it’s like a head rush, when Ray asks if Sand has ever been hit on by a guy.

When Sand responds “If we click, I’m open.” Halo: Sing me to sleep starts, and plays until Ray lights his cigarette with Sand’s.

There are no lyrics in the show:

Broke, I can’t afford to let you in But we’re bad, so what’s the harm in one more sin? Take off your halo, you’re beautiful I don’t care if it tears me apart We couldn’t let go, from the get-go I think we’re past tryna to hide who we are Baby, I don’t mind you calling I’m still awake, come on by Say the things you shouldn’t be saying I don’t want you to act Like you still have that halo, halo, got that halo Like you still have that halo, halo, you should let it go Don’t stop, I love it when you touch my skin I know it’s bad, I don’t care if the walls are caving in right now I know it’s bad but I don’t care, I don’t care I need you to kill off my lonely nights Otherwise I’ll just be dead inside I can’t keep pretending you don’t exist Hate the lies, you know I can’t resist, yeah (chorus) Sing me to sleep, I need you, want you Don’t wanna dream, just lay ‘til darkness Sing me to sleep, I need you watching Don’t wanna dream, just lay ‘til darkness

Ray and Sand are already falling, even if they don’t admit it to each other or to themselves. They can’t afford to let the other in, but they can’t let go either. Sand tries in vain  a few times in the next episodes, but he can’t, the puppy dog eyes melt him. 

Ray needs Sand to kill off his lonely nights. “I don’t mind you calling, I’m still awake, come on by, say the things you shouldn’t be saying” Minor EP4 spoiler, Ray has Mew as his emergency contact, will drop everything to go to him. I could see Sand wanting to be that person, Ray’s Emergency Contact, even now, in this moment, Sand cannot keep his eyes off Ray. 

Song: A Heavy Load by Sven Karlsson Scene: After the smoky kiss Type: vocal

Music starts when Ray asks "Open enough for someone like me?" and pauses while they talk about if they can be friends if they continue. Then comes back after Sand agrees, after Ray puts out his cigarette, the lyrics play:

Don’t come round and waste my time A generation of my time There is nothing we can do To stop the plague from breaking through

It mirrors Halo, walls are caving in, the plagues breaking through. Lyrics continue, not in the show:

There’s a heavy load upon my back No way to throw it off For a second I believe it’s gone I’m just a fool out of luck Standing on the open road Always with the heavy load Don’t let me carry it along I think my head is full of stone There’s not a whole lot I can do When all my visions have come true There are times when everything feels great I’m on top of the world But eventually my spirit breaks Can’t get the final word (Chorus) Don’t come round and waste my time A generation of my time There is nothing we can do To stop this plague from breaking through

They’re just beginning their relationship, a relationship that will carry the weight of their loneliness, there could be more positive songs, just like how Nick and boston’s start with Lurking TIger, Mew and Top’s start with Always Always and Check for Pulse. 

It’s interesting to note that the hints the music is giving us about the characters' emotional arcs are paying off in the following episodes, despite the characters lack of self awareness in this episode. These songs are from episode 2, and as we have continued through episodes 3 and 4 more of our characters' arcs and feelings have been revealed to us (and sometimes themselves). Ray and Sand’s progress and self awareness have paid off the lyrics we see in this episode about feelings that need letting go of (Ray and Mew) and Sand and Ray’s combined loneliness and desire for an Important Person to share their loads. Mew has continued to struggle with control of his own desires and boundaries and we have seen how his feelings are overcoming his fear and desire for control. Though unlike Ray and Sand he seems to be lacking self awareness. Top continues to feel out the cracks in Mew’s boundaries (though whether he’s pushing through them out of a desire to be more or a desire to take and leave remains to be seen). Nick continues to try to get more from Boston, but most of their songs have not had words. They’re all going to boil over at the start of EP3 when we get a hip hop song begging for love. But that is in the next post!

Thank you so much, @rocketturtle4 and @shouldiusemyname for everything, editing, helping organize, and putting up with me.

[acertainmoshke]

Happy STS! What are your go-to/preferred writing tools? Favorite pen types, notebooks, keyboards, etc, but it doesn't have to be limited to just those things. Writing programs, favorite reference books, thesauruses, dictionaries, TTS software, whiteboards, corkboards, flash cards, encyclopedias, anything goes!

Nooooooooooo Nopal you don't know what you've done! How could you know I have an actual special interest in this??

So I am obsessed with notebooks but also REALLY picky about them. My handwriting is teeny so I don't like big lines, and I think it looks neater and prettier with smaller lines anyway. The covers can have a cool pattern or be plain if it's a nice color and high-quality enough. I do occasionally make exceptions; my current journal is fairly cheap with large lines, but it's a rare older Batman one in my favorite color with bat-tech designs on all the pages and a light-up bat signal on the color, so it was worth it. My newly discovered favorite notebook aspect is ones that are designed so the pages lay flat and it's easier to write. Oh, and I LOATHE spiral notebooks. The big school-style ones are ok for random notes or anything unimportant, but the smaller little ones that are normal book size are absolutely worthless. The spirals always come undone before I'm done with them.

I'm also picky about writing utensils. I keep a journal strictly in pen so it can't fade and I can't get embarrassed and erase it. I write stories strictly in pencil because I WILL need to erase and try out lines. But, although I'm using one currently for my big-lined Batman journal, in general I can't stand large ballpoints. By which I mean 0.7, which is pretty standard. 0.5 is ok, but I much prefer the rarer smaller pens. I used to have a Japanese friend who I would get to send me 0.35 pens because they are normal there but expensive over here. In pencils anything under 0.5 is impractical, but I like the fancy mechanical pencils with a nice grip and a dent that lets you dig out the eraser even after it's erased down. My current one is teal.

None of that answered your question but it was necessary anyway. And this is getting too long so the actual answer is going under a cut.

We'll see how long I can keep it going, but I like to write my stories on paper. Of course, it's not worth starting a nice new notebook if I'm unlikely to finish it and it's impractical if I don't have a clear idea of the basic story, because jumping around out of order is impossible. I like it though because it forces me to slow down and think about each scene; I can't rush the way I do when typing. It also gives me a built-in edit when I copy it up, so by the time I'm editing a full draft it's already technically a second draft. And it's convenient because I can take it to work and write on my breaks, or if I'm waiting in line at the post office, or anywhere I happen to find myself.

I do still write on the computer, of course, for fanfiction or just-for-fun things I'll never finish or stories I'm still figuring out. When I do truly long-form things I like to use work because I hate the way Google docs looks (controversial, I know). But for short things, or worldbuilding, or fanfic, I like to use Notion. I like that I can nest pages within each other endlessly. It makes my autistic organizing brain buzz.

I recently discovered that I enjoy using actual notecards pinned to a corkboard for initial plot planning. I can't always do this, and I make outlines too for more detail, but being able to physically move stuff around in real space helps my brain focus on what is actually important to include.

Thank you sooooo much for giving me a chance to ramble about this!!

[mayihaveyournameplease]

TIMING: July 21st PARTIES: Beau @mayihaveyournameplease & Felix @recoveringdreamer LOCATION: The BMV SUMMARY: Felix comes to renew their license. Beau is there. It sucks for Felix! CONTENT WARNINGS: Domestic abuse tw (mention), grooming tw

In all honesty, Felix had no idea what they were supposed to do to get their license renewed. Leo had brought them out of the woods, so to speak, but he hadn’t done much in teaching them how to fit in with society. They liked to think they’d done a pretty good job readjusting by themself — thank you, Google! — but there were a lot of things they hadn’t thought about at fourteen which became much more important at thirty. Renewing a license was one of them.

The last time they’d done this, Leo had more or less done it for them. Their relationship had been a lot of that; Leo did things for Felix instead of showing him how to do it himself, and Felix was grateful instead of recognizing the controlling hand for what it was. They still hadn’t entirely wizened up to it, still sometimes found themself thinking of the relationship with nostalgia or blaming themself for how things ended. And they hated themself for that, too, just a little. 

But they were getting better. They were trying to get better. They were at the BMV, anxious without reason, were marching to the desk, were slamming their expired license down in front of the clerk. “My name is Felix Mendoza,” they said, “and I need to renew my license.” They’d been practicing the sentence in their head on the walk over, and it still jumbled out all at once, a little too quickly. At least they said the right name. That would have been embarrassing. 

—

The keyboard went clickity clackity under Beau's fingers as he stared at his computer screen. It had been a wonderful day at the BMV. Currently, he was pretending not to notice the weeping woman in front of him. "I'm sorry." She whispered. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I can't remember my name. I'm just so stressed. Please. I'm not lying, I'm sure that I filled out that form correctly. I'm just stressed. I've been under a lot of pressure and - " Beau lifted a singular finger, the universal sign for be quiet. A look of superior smugness washed over his features, bearing his teeth in his usual and well-practiced smile. 

"I would be so cheesed to help you. It would be my absolute cheddar to help you if I was able to, but without confirmation of your name, I just can't." Beau's smug smile failed at being comforting or pacifying. Beau ripped up the paperwork the lady had placed in front of him and tossed it in the trash can under his desk. The woman sobbed harder, being escorted away by the always-put-out security guard, Nick. "Next!" Beau looked down at his lavender cashmere sweater while he waited for his next victim, er, customer to come up. A piece of torn paper was stuck to it, he swiped it away with a scowl, quickly replacing his smile as his next patron came up.

"Nope, nuh-uh." Beau waved a hand in front of the person's nose. "We don't do names yet. One step at a time. You have to wait for me to ask for it, that way I can confirm you're the right person." Beau smiled. It was a genuine smile, he thought the person standing before him was cute. Brawny and toned, like they might be a fighter or something. Beau stood a little straighter on his stepping stool, doing his best to appear his tallest and most handsome self. "Now, let's take a look at that paperwork." Beau raised an expectant eyebrow, "You brought the paperwork, right?" Considering Felix Mendoza had just slapped their licenses down in front of him, and exclaimed their name, Beau made the leap and bounds in his thoughts to decide they didn't have it. Beau started typing and printing, and within moments he plopped the paperwork in front of Felix. "You can fill it out here, I won't send you to the back of the line again. I'm nice like that." A larger smile. He also planned on getting Felix's name. 

—

A sobbing woman was escorted out of the BMV by a security guard who looked more resigned than surprised, and the anxiety building in Felix’s gut grew. Was this a common experience at the BMV? Was he going to leave in a similar state? They hated how they felt when they grew frustrated, hated the way the jaguar in their chest always seemed to rumble when they felt this way. The jaguar was a protective spirit, but its idea of protection wasn’t always what Felix needed. Especially not in a BMV.

With the sobbing woman gone, the man behind the counter was waving Felix up to take her place, then silencing them when they went to say their name. Their mouth snapped shut quickly, and they looked a little sheepish at their mistake. “Sorry.” All that rehearsing, and they’d still gotten it wrong. Not only that, but they’d apparently forgotten the proper steps. There was paperwork involved? Hadn’t the paperwork been done when they’d gotten the license, or when it had been renewed before? It occurred to them, with a moment of dread, that they actually had no idea if their license was legitimate. What if Leo had just… used his fae tricks to get one without going through the proper channels? Would Felix get in trouble for that?

Their eyes slid over to the security guard, who’d returned to his post now that the sobbing woman had been led outside and sent away. The BMV was a government entity, right? Did that mean the security guard could arrest them if they had unknowingly done something wrong? Their eyes slid back over to the man behind the counter, not wanting to look overly suspicious.

“Uh, yeah, no, I can — I’ll fill it out. Sorry. My boyfri — ex boyfriend used to, uh, handle this kind of stuff for me.” Now if something was wrong, he’d know it wasn’t Felix’s fault. Right? Whether or not that would make any kind of difference remained to be seen. “Uh, can I have the, um… the paperwork?” 

—

Beau watched the person in front of him, their eyes slid from the security guard, then back to him. Beau smiled. Nothing new. Beau was always smiling. But this was Beau’s extra big, extra charming smile. It was a smile that said, you can trust me, I’m here to help you. Beau knew that was what the smile said because he had spent hours sitting in front of a mirror getting it to say that. Because smiles were not words, smiles were not bound to the same fae magic that bit his tongue every time he even thought of telling a falsehood. Wasn’t that fun? Smiles could say anything, and they didn’t have to sit behind cheese puns to hide true intent.

“Don’t worry about her. She’s just having a bad day.” Nothing there was a lie, the words flitted out of his mouth easily. “She’ll be back when she feels better. The BMV is a tough and stressful place for some people. Not me. I think that this is the best place in the world. The work I do here is so important. Helping people is such a rewarding job. I’ve never been more rewarded than when I started working in this field.” Because the rewards he gave himself were the names plucked straight from the mouths of those just trying to fill in their paperwork. Beau forced his smile to go even wider, because Beau was a predator, and the bearing of teeth would always be a threat.

Beau straightened up, straightened his sweater, and ran a hand through his hair. “Well, just call me your new boyfriend because I am here to help handle this for you.” Beau let out a belting laughter that caused multiple people to look up from what they were doing and look over at him. Beau slid the freshly printed warm paperwork in front of his newest victim. Then, with a flourish that was absolutely unnecessary, Beau pulled a flower from the pot on his desk. Except it wasn’t a real flower, it was a plastic flower firmly attached to a pen. He offered the pen with the smallest bow. “A pen will make filling out the paperwork much easier, don’t you think?”  

—

The clerk behind the counter was smiling at them in a way that was a little too big to feel natural. Felix felt like he was being sized up, somehow; it felt a little like when they first entered the ring to face off against a new opponent, when they circled one another just before the first bell went off. And in this corner, we have our reigning champ! The vicious animal from deep in the woods, the feral jaguar with jaws of steel. Give it up! Tonight, they’ll be facing off against… Some guy who works in a BMV! All they have to do is make it through a social interaction without making an ass of themself! Whaddaya say, folks? Can! They! Do it? 

No. No they couldn’t. Give them a boxing match any day, it was so much simpler. 

Apparently, this happened often. The BMV was tough and stressful, the clerk told them. The kind of place where people ran out crying. Felix didn’t belong here. Felix would have simply left, gone back out to live in the woods by themself where things like BMVs and security guards really didn’t mean anything, but Felix had a contract and Felix was stuck and Felix needed a stupid license to go to their stupid job so the stupid contract didn’t stupidly kill them because they were stupid. 

At least the clerk seemed nice.

But… maybe a liiiiittle forward.

“Oh. Ha.” The discomfort was clear in Felix’s laugh. “That’s, uh… That’s nice of you. I’m — I’m gonna be honest, I’m too stressed out to reciprocate.” Stressed about the BMV, stressed about work, stressed about Leo, stressed about life. Felix was having a bad time. So it went. “A pen,” he nodded, reaching out to take it. “Thanks, man. Uh, can I fill it out here, or should I go sit down…?”

—

“Right, of course, hahaha, I just…” Beau flicked a hand through his hair, looking away from the person in front of him. “I was just making a joke. You know. To ease the tension of the BMV. Because it's rough in here. Haha. Sorry! I didn’t mean for you to take it seriously. You know jokes right? You like jokes right?” Despite the constant stream of rejections Beau found himself facing on a daily basis the familiar sting still burned in his chest. Never good enough. Always rejected. The idea of getting to know each other, the idea that other people didn’t know him, the idea that relationships were work and not just things handed on a silver platter never crossed his mind. 

“You can fill it out here. If you leave my booth, you’ll have to go back to the queue.” Beau looked down at the numbers displayed on the screen. We are on 324 out of 639 tickets. That would make you 640 in que.” The ticketing system the BMV chose to employ wasn’t one that made sense. A lot of numbers were skipped in different orders, that way the BMV patrons never knew where they actually were in line, and they were just grateful when their number seemed to appear faster than they thought it would. It always seems like good luck to see a ticket go from five to twelve. It really made people feel like things were going their way. Just in time for Beau to crush those dreams underneath his little fingers as he stole their name.” 

Beau switched his gaze back to his computer. His fingers flew over his keyboard as he pretended he was getting work done. Normally Beau had no problem with sending people back into the queue. There was a delight in seeing their faces drop as they realized their long wait was about to be repeated, but as the day got later, more people filed in, so the wait would be longer than previously. However, Beau wanted this pretty stranger’s name. It felt right. He could play along. “Please hurry, I don’t want my supervisors to catch me being nice. Haha” 

—

Oh, no. They’d hurt the BMV guy’s feelings, hadn’t they? They’d been too harsh in their rejection, and that wasn’t fair. The BMV guy was being nice, was helping them out, was trying to do them a favor. Maybe Felix owed him a little bit of flirting in exchange for that. In their last relationship, after all, things had been transactional. They owed Leo for bringing them out of the woods, owed him for putting a roof over their head, owed him for loving them even when they were messy and unbalanced and difficult to be around. And he got so angry when he wasn’t given something he was owed. The last thing Felix wanted was a repeat of that here. Their eyes shifted to the security guard again, heart pounding. “Uh, no, not — I’m sorry. That was really rude of me. I like jokes, I’m sorry. I’m just stressed out right now. But you’re helping a lot, and you’ve been really nice. I thought your joke was nice.” 

The idea of going to the back of the line was almost sickening, and the relief when the employee assured them that he wouldn’t make them do it was intense. They offered the employee a grateful smile, looking down at the form as they filled out the information. Some of it, they left blank; they didn’t think they’d been convicted of violating any major motor vehicle laws in the last ten years, but what if they were wrong? Their eyes flittered over to the security guard again, which, yeah, okay. They were in Full Anxiety Mode here. They got that. The security guard wasn’t going to drag them out for answering a question on a form wrong.

Finishing up the form, Felix nodded to themself and slid the paper back to the BMV clerk. “Sorry. Yeah, it’s done. Uh, I think I got everything.” He hoped he had. Being sent to the back of the line — and worse still, getting the kind employee in trouble for helping them — sounded like the absolute last thing they wanted to do. “Uh, what, um… What’s next?”

—

Finally Beau was being given the praise he deserved. The cutie in front of him was praising his jokes. Beau preened like a bird, smiling and turning side to side ever so slightly. Pleased with the result of his actions. “Yes, my jokes are nice, aren’t they. I’m glad you’re smart enough to recognize that.” If Beau was his optimal self he would have fifty pairs of lips, that way he could keep adding smile upon smile. Instead, he was forced to let his smile grow bigger, stretching his cheeks to uncomfortability. “I’ve got a lot of jokes, you know.” He added, leaning forward, chin on his hand as he batted his eyes towards his newest most hopeful companion. “I’m a silly guy.”

Beau watched, enraptured, while Felix Mendoza filled out their paperwork in front of him. The little flower at the end of the pen swayed back and forth on the pen. After a while Felix was done and asked Beau what they did next. Now it was Beau’s fun time. Beau smiled harder, again. Beau slid the paperwork back to him, and slipped on his half-moon glasses. He didn’t actually need them to read. He just thought they made him look more distinguished. Beau was a distinguished gentleman, after all. 

“Now we’ll go over some details, confirm it's you, then renew your license. Easy as that.” Beau let out a small laugh, tapping the paper. Beau did note the lack of the thank you, but decided not to think too much about it. Some people just had no manners. Felix Mendoza was stressed, after all. “Okay, the first security question is the easiest, it’s so silly that they make me ask it, but you know how bosses are.” Beau drew out the moment of joy, the moment he’d been waiting for this whole time. “Alright. Security question one, can you give me your name?” 

—

The clerk seemed happy… or, he was smiling, at least. But it was difficult to determine if it was a genuinely happy expression or not. There was something unhinged about it, like he was a moment away from breaking. Felix had never worked customer service before — they’d been just on the cusp of being old enough for employment when they were plucked out of society by their father, and Leo had never wanted them to work during their relationship, so their first experience with a ‘job’ was at the Pit — but they knew it was stressful. Their older brother had done retail for a while before their father moved them all out into the woods, they remembered how angry it made him. Felix imagined working in the BMV was similar. The poor clerk was probably frustrated, probably spent all day being yelled at and abused. Maybe something as simple as laughing at his jokes could really help him out. 

“Well, uh, if you want to tell more jokes, I can listen. I like jokes.” They could… pretend to understand the clerk’s jokes, even if they weren’t sure they actually would. They’d gotten good at laughing at things they didn’t actually find funny, gotten skilled in the art of keeping people happy by pretending to understand them. The moment the thought crossed their mind, Felix felt guilty for the comparison. It wasn’t right to put this stranger in the same category as Leo. He seemed like a nice guy. He didn’t deserve all that.

Letting out a nervous chuckle, Felix nodded. “Right. Easy.” Was anything ever? Just existing in society felt overwhelming sometimes, like they were waiting for some inevitable other shoe to drop down and crush them. “Yeah,” they chuckled again. “Bosses are the worst.” At least the BMV probably didn’t make this guy maim people for them. Felix glanced to the security guard again. Hopefully. “Right, um, my name is Felix Mendoza.” 

—

“Of course you like jokes. What a relief. I can’t stand people without a sense of humor. They are so annoying, don’t you agree? Like learn some thinking. They’re always like “that’s not funny.” But what are they upset about? Huh? It’s just words. It's not like it can hurt them. If it bothered them so much, maybe they should lock themselves indoors and shelter themselves from the real world.” Beau let out a string of laughter, as if anything he’d said had been funny. Beau’s secret was that deep in his heart of hearts, he hated people. 

The words were said. Beau could feel fae magic, the magic of the world and its make up, shift around them. The threads of Felix’s life rearranged themselves and a crucial thread was snipped away and stitched into Beau. Another day, another name. Beau’s smile instantly changed from forced to genuine, reaching up to his eyes and shining down at everyone in the BMV. This was the moment that he lived for. 

“There seems to be a problem with your paperwork.” God he relished this. The anxiety that ran over their face, he knew that this would only cause their heart to race and panic as they realized they didn’t know their name. “I don’t think that's your name.” Beau leaned forward again, sliding the piece of paper towards Felix. Beau pointed to the words. “You’re not lying, are you? I can’t stand liars. It would really suck to know that I am going out of my way to help you, only for you to lie to me.” Beau let his smile falter, he let himself play the part of hurt victim in the scenario of his own creation. “I like you, you know that right? I’ve done nothing but want to help you. So why can’t you be honest with me?” It was a game of cat and mouse, and Beau was a cat devouring his mouse. 

—

“Oh, I…” Felix didn’t agree with that. They didn’t think it was right to suggest that anyone lock themselves away for not liking a certain type of humor. Again, they thought of Leo and his tendency to rage the moment Felix didn’t see something his way. And again, they felt tremendously guilty for comparing a stranger to the ex who had picked them apart so meticulously. Why were they assigning Leo’s faults onto a man who seemed to be trying to help them? It wasn’t at all fair. Were they so damaged that they couldn’t have a normal conversation without that nauseous feeling seeping through? God, they felt ashamed of themself. “I guess it is a little annoying. But everybody’s got their own sense of humor, right? Some people’s just don’t vibe with each other.”

Something strange washed over them as they said their name. They almost didn’t realize it at first, almost didn’t clock it until the clerk spoke. Their brow furrowed as they looked down at the paperwork, the words strangely blurred where they’d written their name. Like they couldn’t quite make out what they’d put there. Then the clerk was asking them if that was really their name, and — and they didn’t know. They didn’t know what their name is.

“No!” They stammered, anxiety clinging to their chest. “No, I wasn’t — I didn’t lie. I’m not a liar. I promise, I’m not a liar. I’m just… There’s something wrong. There’s something wrong with me.” Panic seized their chest, breath coming quicker than it ought to. They felt wrong. Something was wrong, and they didn’t understand what. “Please, please help me. I like you, too, you know? I — Please don’t kick me out. Please. Please help me.” The world felt like it was closing in on them. They knew they needed to calm down before the jaguar mistook their panic for danger and reared its head, but they didn’t quite know how. “Can we go somewhere? Um, me and you? I need — I don’t — I need to go somewhere.”

—

"Having your own sense of humor is one thing, but ruining it for everyone else?" Beau asked, eyebrows raising high into his hairline. "What gives them the right? You can think a joke isn't funny, but that doesn't mean you should take away other people's jokes. Listen, all I know is if you're going to go boohoo crying all sensitive as a snowflake over a little tiny pansy ass joke, then you don't need to be in the real world. You can stay safe and sheltered in your own home and away from anyone else with common sense." Beau let out a loud as if everything he'd said had been hilarious. As if implying that people who were sensitive to others' jokes were the joke. "How about they get sensitive to ruining my vibe?" Beau threw the word vibe back at Felix, adding a harsh emphasis to it. 

None of that conversation mattered though. Not when the true prize was reached. Beau watched as the realization that Felix didn't know their name washed over them. Panic distorted all of their features. Beau, personally, thought they looked cuter when they were panicked. Much more interesting. Definitely, like someone they wanted to get to know. "Are you sure you didn't lie?" The question was condescending, but not as condescending as the voice that he said it in. Desperation was a good look on so many people. It tore the options from before them and gave them one linear path. A path that led them straight back to Beau, and his mercy. Beau's smile softened in the way that a knife's edge is soft. 

"Go somewhere? I'm on the clock?" Beau looked down at his computer and started typing things. "No, I'm a good guy. A kind guy. I do want to help you. I can take my lunch break early. Where are you taking me?" This was fun. Delightful. The fae hadn't had this much fun in a while. Most people started crying or screaming or a combination of both. Not once had a person ever asked to go somewhere with him. That was disappointing, wasn't it? Beau was great to go places with. People should love doing things with him. Where would the human formerly known as Felix take him? Excitement drummed within him. He exited behind his desk and made the one-minute trek around all the work station to the door to the waiting area. Then the one-minute trek back. "Alright. Lead the way, let us go wherever your precious heart desires." 

—

He seemed… really worked up about this. Felix had learned not to argue when someone was this impassioned about something, knew that disagreeing with the wrong person in the wrong moment never led anywhere good. This man wasn’t Leo, and it wasn’t fair to compare the two, but he still reminded them of their ex. They still couldn’t help but think of the consequences they’d face when disagreeing with Leo during times when he was this worked up about whatever it was he was saying, and they didn’t want to repeat that now. So Felix shifted, shrunk in on themself a little. Mumbled a quiet, “You’re right, sorry,” that was more instinct than it was anything genuine, and hoped it would be enough.

They almost missed that feeling of smallness when the panic washed over them, when their name was a thing they could no longer grasp. “No,” they said quietly, shaking their head. “No, I didn’t — I didn’t lie. I didn’t, I swear, I don’t — I don’t. I don’t lie.” This, too, was the ghost of an old conversation, an argument Leo had started often. You lie, Felix. You’re a liar. You know you are. You lie all the time. How can I trust you? You’re probably lying to me right now. But they weren’t. They were sure of their name when they’d said it, they just couldn’t remember it anymore. How could they explain that to a stranger? 

“Sorry. No. Yeah. No. Sorry. You are. I know. Sorry.” The words tumbled out, the sorries like punctuation marks at the end of each stilted sentence. Panic was clawing at their throat, choking them. What were they going to do? They couldn’t even go to the BMV and get a license renewed without royally screwing something up for themself. Leo had been right, hadn’t they? Felix was useless on their own. But the BMV clerk, far more accommodating than Felix deserved, agreed to take his lunch break early. The relief felt like a physical thing, nearly knocking the balam off their feet. “Is there — Is there somewhere we can sit? Please, I’m sorry. I’m just — I don’t know what my name is. I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad. Can you help me? Please, I’ll give you anything you want, I just need help.”

—

Felix rolled over easily, so easily that Beau didn't notice there had been any disagreement at all. Because that was how all people should treat him. That was exactly what he deserved at all times. Unquestioned and one hundred percent agreement. Beau let the trace of that conversation disappear. He had nothing else to add, Felix had already agreed with his obviously right opinion. 

"You don't lie?" Beau cooed the word, Beau dragged out the simple sentence as if it was a kindness to Felix and not a blatant manipulation. "Of course, you don't lie." Patronizing, demeaning, dehumanizing. It said, I want to believe you but the evidence is before us and the evidence doesn't lie, does it? The evidence speaks the truth and the truth is Felix isn't your name. "You know you never have to lie to me." Soft, kind, as if Beau didn't know he was purposely grabbing a knife and twisting it deep within a panicking Felix's heart. 

"I accept your sorry, but sorry doesn't fix this situation, does it?" Beau placed a gentle and affirming hand on Felix's back, leading the panicked individual out of the BMV. The day was bright and warm, a gentle breeze pushed at his brown hair letting the tips of his greenhorns peak in and out of view. Felix was making a lot of big claims as Beau steered them to a bench and sat them down. Beau didn't sit down. Beau stood because when people sat Beau got to be taller than them. Beau liked how powerful that made him feel. Beau loved the power he held in this situation because he held it all. Felix was nothing without Beau. Felix was crumbling away, and only Beau could save them. Beau was indulgent on this delectable power. 

"Anything I want?" Beau repeated what Felix had offered. "I'm not mad, just disappointed. When I saw you I thought you looked respectable. Like an upstanding citizen in this town. But listen. I want that for you, I want to believe that about you. I think you have just made a little mistake and we can fix this. Together." Beau was grabbing Felix's hands in his own perfectly manicured ones. Felix's hands were rough and coarse. "If you promise me you will give me anything I want, I can fix this for you. But you have to promise." 

—

The clerk’s tone was soft, but with an edge to it. It was so much like Leo, so much like the arguments they used to have. You know I love you, Fe, but you’re being really stupid right now. It’s okay. I know you didn’t finish school. You don’t have to be smart. I’ll be smart for you, okay? Just trust me. Do you think I’d lie to you? Do you really think I’d do that? Felix felt their heart in their throat, pounding against their pulse point in a desperate thrum. They were being stupid here, weren’t they? They were so anxious, so terrified, and for what? The BMV clerk was trying to help them, and they were still comparing him to Leo. 

“I’m — I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t lie. I’m not.” For a moment, it was like they were back in that apartment they’d shared with Leo. They were trying, so hard, to convince the clerk that they were telling the truth. Trying to convince themself, too, even though they knew they were being honest. But, like Leo, this clerk had planted that uncertain seed of doubt in Felix’s mind. Were they telling the truth? Had they gotten confused somewhere along the way? It happened sometimes, didn’t it? Felix wasn’t smart, wasn’t good at remembering, wasn’t good at much at all. Maybe they’d gotten something twisted along the way. Maybe Felix really wasn’t Felix after all.

The nameless person leaned into the clerk’s touch, desperate for something to ground them. If they’d been looking a little closer at the clerk, they might have seen the horns peeking through his hair. They might have even known what that meant. They spent plenty of time with fae at work, after all, knew the spriggans on staff and the nymphs who sometimes fought in the ring. But they were beyond paying attention now, beyond recognizing much of anything. Panic gripped their throat, and panic was all that existed.

So they missed the rest of it, too. The familiarity of the request for a promise, the way it was so like the contract they’d signed. “I want to fix it,” they said desperately. “I’m not a bad person. I’m not.” They wanted to believe that, too. But it was so hard to believe things when they were the only one saying them. If the clerk said it, maybe it would be easier to accept as truth. “I promise. I promise, I’ll give you anything you want. Please, just help me get my name back. As long as you do that, I promise.”

—

Promise. Poets wrote so many poems about love and sorrow, but not enough about promise. The word was beautiful. Intoxicating. Powerful. It stripped people away and built others up. It armed Beau with more power than a spriggan should have. Fae magic was in effect the moment Felix made a promise. Threads of magic wrapped around Felix binding them, then waited, it had to wait. The bind would only tack effect if Beau followed through with his end. "Your name is Felix. It's your name, and I return it." The thread of magic wrapped itself around Beau, binding them together through promise. Til death do them part. The death would be Felix's, of course. If they ever chose not to follow Beau's instructions. Because Beau held all the power here. 

"All fixed." Beau pat Felix on the cheek. As if he was still doing Felix a prolonged and gentle kindness. As if Felix should be thankful that Beau was so kind to fix all of this, this problem that he had created himself. "Now come on and get up. You have a license to finish renewing." Beau led Felix back into the BMV, back to his desk, and back to work. As Beau typed away at his computer, he barely registered what he was doing. Felix had supplied Beau with such a potent promise. There had been no limit to how many times Felix would do anything Beau asked. There had been no stipulations. 

"I want you to hop on one foot while we wait," Beau told Felix, just because he could. For his own joyful amusement. Beau made sure to drag out the paperwork he was doing just to keep Felix in a prolonged state of obedience. So other people in the BMV could take in the sight. They didn't know - they couldn't know- just how much power Beau held in this situation, but he wished he could tell all of them. Revel in this victory. It hadn't even been a hard-fought one. Felix had been pathetic, sad, and giving. That was going to make this all the more fun.

Eventually, the new driver's license was printed and Beau was sliding it over the table to Felix. "Here you go. I want you to keep me in mind always. Visit me soon. Stay in touch. We'll have a lot to talk about. I just know it." 

—

The nameless person was unaware of the magic that bound them. One might think that, after dealing with binds in the Grit Pit for so long, they’d have some way of sensing the shackles they’d placed around their own wrists, like some strange instinct that could warn them of the dangerous deal they’d entered into. But, unfortunately, no such thing existed. There were no warning signs, no alarm bells. There wasn’t even a sense of deja vu to fill their stomach with dread. They had no reason to suspect that the helpful BMV clerk was anything but that.

Especially not when he returned their name to them.

It flooded them all at once, that quiet realization. Felix. Their name was Felix. Of course it was. How had they forgotten that? How had they ever thought differently? The relief slumped their shoulders, and they offered the clerk a grateful smile. “Thank you,” they breathed. “Wow. I can’t believe I forgot that. That was — That was really stupid of me. I’m sorry. That was stupid.” They were stupid. Leo always said so, didn’t he? He’d been right. This was proof of it.

Without really knowing why, Felix lifted one foot off the ground as the clerk prepared the paperwork. It wasn’t that bad of a request, anyway; with their distinctly cat-like reflexes, Felix was plenty capable of balancing. Still, they got a few weird looks as they stood, waiting patiently and obediently for the paperwork to be finished. It seemed to take a while, but Felix had no real concept of how long it should take. 

Finally, the clerk slid the license across the table, and Felix lowered their foot back to the ground. “Okay,” they agreed. “I’ll, uh… I’ll talk to you soon.” They were friends now, weren’t they? Felix and the kind clerk at the BMV.

They thought it was going to be really nice, having a friend. 

[bts5sosempire]

helloo(๑> <๑), can I ask app/website do you use to edit your fanfics, if it's okay with you? (I'm starting to write fanfics of my own and I couldn't find any app/website)

There are a lot, since I'm only using mobile version of the app(s) since it's more convenient for me to write on the get-go without bringing or opening my laptop all the time.

PureWriter (used to)

JotterPad (what I am currently using)

Grammarly Keyboard (what I am also currently using too)

Google Docs (used to)

Well, to start on PureWriter, I give it prolly a 7.5/10, I like the format and all, but the catalogs are a pain in the ass. Plus, you can't collapse a thread of your separate work, too, if you're writing for different stories. I hate trying to rearrange them in order so I kind of give up on that. It has a word reader to keep track of your word count and letters too. There are also constant updates on the app, so there are always new features being added, so I'm also not trying to keep up with that. I have the copy and paste thingy, as it double spaces my work and won't italicize or bold them correctly when needed.

For JotterPad, I give it an 8.5/10; it had its moment when I fought with it in the past. But there is an option for you to use the basic format, but you could also buy the add-ons if you wish. I may be biased, but I find it more convenient as you can link your account from Tumblr to JotterPad when transferring over whatever you're writing without the "copy and paste" type. Like PureWriter, it also had a word and character counter, so you can track how much you've written. It also gives you a statistics progress graph (like PureWriter, but in a different font, I guess). You can create folders (within another folder, again and again), which is a lifesaver, as I can separate my works into categories -> it almost works like a thread. I don't trust Tumblr enough to save in draft; the many times Tumblr ate my posts when I spend so many hours/days are agonizing.

Grammarly keyboard is a great way to use whatever app you use to write. Still, the hideous word recommendations are a thorn in the side at times when you're using an unfamiliar terminology or another synonymous that not the general audience knows. Like you fool, I'm trying to educate others and expand their vocabulary; let me do my sh*t. I say a solid 8/10, if for not the lagging it sometimes had. The app also had a desktop site, which I will not be talking about since I rarely use it. But if you do have your own words or terms, make sure to add them, or else this keyboard will auto-correct them for you.

Google docs, I'm sure I don't need to explain that here. No score.

But these are just my opinions, tho; you could try and see if they're to your liking or not; I'm sure there would be others who are willing to help you if they write a comment under the post or interact with you. Suppose I'm missing something or forgot to add.

Words of advice: block any porn bots on sight too, they could be liking and reblogging your stuff with a pfp of a hawt woman. So no hesitation. Also blank blogs.

Taggings: make sure to tag many things related to your content too. Thus, this will lead your content to be more exposed to others who like the stuff you put out that is related to their interest. You can check the "the tyrant" series I'm working on atm to see how the tagging(s) goes.

Taggings (tw): the "tw" stands for trigger warning, so if you happened to write any sensitive content that could potentially be in your series/ work, make sure to add them in your tagging if possible or add them at the very beginning of your list of content. Ex: tw frogs, tw cooties, or tw pink guy. If you don't put it, some people might stumble upon your work and unleash hell or politely tell you to edit and add tw to your work.

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

this is so random, but I am probably going to be looking at getting a new laptop some time in the new year (because mine is such a pos and I can barely stand it anymore) - and I am curious to know what models/brands you guys recommend based on my needs

I am currently using the chromebook, and me and Jaycen were talking about the fact that it is basically a glorified smartphone. it was okay when I first got it a few years ago, but it only uses apps and every single time it updates, it gets slower and grosser, and it can't even load 1080p youtube videos anymore. (if you are considering getting one, run far, far away.)

I absolutely refuse to use a touchscreen laptop or some kind of tablet with a keyboard attachment - I need a mouse and a cursor. I don't make gifs, I don't play games, I don't do anything that requires a lot of hardcore power. literally all I do on my laptop is write fics and go on tumblr, and pinterest. and I don't use an installed program to make my fanfic covers - they are always just screenshots of pictures I have arranged in google docs.

I just want something reliable and not fucking laggy. the main thing is, I love to splitscreen youtube and other websites (like tumblr), and right now the chromebook is so fucking slow that if I have a youtube video in the presence of a gif or something like that when tumblr is open, it will lag and buffer for ten seconds at a time, and it just makes my eyes gloss over.

I feel like we got past this era of technology in 2010. like please. we should have. this computer can't even run spotify in the background anymore because it sounds like an old scratched CD when I am scrolling down my dashboard and the shit is buffering.

so - any recommendations for a laptop that isn't app based and basically a glorified smartphone, but wouldn't cost a million dollars because it's meant for heavier things like gif making or gaming??

[dzpenumbra]

3/22/23

I don't really know where to start tonight. I felt like shit last night, slept like garbage too. Had dreams about my old landlords, glad to know that shit is literally still haunting me.

I decided to take it real easy today. I did some very light yoga, only neck and upper back. I played this new game I started last night, Ad Aspera - it's a Mars terraforming simulation kinda game, but with a story line, I'm really liking it so far, but it's definitely a game for a certain type of people.

I spent a good chunk of the night working on the hoodie. I got a lot done. I mean, a lot, there's really not a lot left to do on the back piece. There's an outer ring, some silver fill work, adding in more layering to the white, the black line work and then... I want to add shading to the whole thing, so... that'll be the final step. That will make it look absolutely nuts. It's already really popping out, the colors are very vibrant.

Honestly, not a lot else happened, it was a really low-key day. I spent a little time looking for local art collectives, see if I can find some other weirdos like me so I don't have to just blindly introduce myself to normies and weird them out. The first one that showed up on my google search was one through a local mental heath clinic... that was an art collective for people with mental health/substance use problems, or people with them in their lives.

My initial impression was... yep, this is pretty much where I belong, right? I mean, I went on an hour-long cruise yesterday and led to me having cascading trauma responses all throughout the rest of the evening, convinced that like... everything I do just pisses people off. Like I can't exist in a space without upsetting someone. Like... I tiptoe around my own apartment at 3AM to make sure I don't upset my downstairs neighbor, because I know how loud my upstairs one is. I often worry about how loud my keyboard clacks are. That kind of shit. I frame it in my head as common courtesy, politeness, kindness, compassion. And, to a degree, it is. But... it's also fear. Fear of punishment, fear of someone lashing out. Which is weird because... you'd think I, of all people, could take that. Right?

Like... the more I think about it... pretty much everyone I've known has lashed out on me. A very select few I managed to avoid before that happened... and I shouldn't say everyone of all time, but like... everyone of the past 7 or so years. Plus, middle child. Plus, black sheep. Plus, abuse victim. Plus, PTSD. Plus, artist. Plus, skateboarder. Plus, listens to metal. Plus, used to have a pink mohawk, more recently a 2 foot long braided mohawk (RIP). If someone was getting singled out and blamed, in my family at least, it was going to be me. I've been a patsy for a long time, including for other people that called me "friend" too. It's confusing... Why does it have so much power over me if I'm so... used to it? If I have so much experience?

I'm thinking of it in terms of snowskating, like... when I do a trick I'm barely familiar with? Like... varial heel, front shuv, inward heel, hardflip, something way off my normal path... It's scary as fuck. Like... I don't even want to get above the board, I feel like I'm just going to sack or eat shit. I have very little experience with flip tricks, with detaching from the board and reconnecting. There's a lot of faith and trust involved in that. And new rotations are just... yeah, you get what I mean, attempting to land that feels very similar to how most people feel just standing on a board for the first time. Alien, scary, like it's going to hurt you in some unknown way.

But when I try something I'm still not confident in... but I have experience in? Like... heelflip, or kickflip, or varial flip... There's still a fear element, but it's very diffuse. The fears are much more specific and narrowed to rare circumstances. Landing with your weight too far back and slipping out, landing primo, landing on your nose and digging the nose into the snow and eating shit. Point being, the experience gives you... information, detail... so after 500 kickflips, you've kinda got a good idea what to expect.

Speaking of being sick... I'll pick this up in a few. --- Ugh, I don't know if it's a stomach bug or something I ate, but my guts are not happy with me.

So... where I was going with that analogy is... if I have a lifetime of experience being blamed for shit... why am I so bothered by it? Why does it upset me?

I think it's the "nothing left to lose" thing. I've had this thought a lot over the past few months, I found it interesting. I have suffered a lot of loss recently. And I've started to get into this realm of being super self-protective and not taking chances. Of course... But the logic is framed as being part of "nothing left to lose". Like... I don't have a buffer left to lose. Losing a friend is painful, losing a family member too. Losing your last friend? I ramps up the gravity. So... when I think "I have very little left to lose", my brain doesn't go to "fuck it, let it ride" anymore. It goes to "save up, be cautious, be deliberate, be intelligent". It does the opposite. Instead of going "fuck it, I've got nothing left to lose", I go "I can't afford to lose this." It's all wired backwards, and it keeps me super insulated and "safe", but it prevents opportunities for growth.

I can protect myself from injury by never trying to kickflip the 2 set ever again. But if I never roll the dice on that... I guarantee I will never land it. And I've been struggling to not only pull the trigger on saying "fuck it" more often, but also to do it mindfully in ways that are as respectful of others in my vicinity as possible. It's a really tough balance. Like... I can just say fuck it, eat the tickets if the cops are going to be pricks about it... and just skate around the town every day. I can do that. But if I'm just pissing off my neighbors... is it even worth it? Agh.

So... needless to say... as I was getting to way back several paragraphs ago... I still have some pretty debilitating mental health shit going on. Like... I never leave my apartment. And I'm scared of people. And I have no friends. So... yeah, I'd say that's not good, mental health-wise... So... I'd definitely qualify for this art community thing. Here's the weird part...

I watched one of their videos, to get a feel for what kind of people are in the group. I try not to be judgmental, I really do... I just... have a bad history of being best friends with very destructive and unstable people. I have a history of befriending predatory people, and damaged people alike. Heroin addicts, alcoholics, severe trauma cases, literal prostitutes and strippers - give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. My history with these people has been... less than fortunate. I truly do see the good in people, the redeeming qualities, the potential. In everyone. I mean that. I see it innately. Which, I guess, is not a common quality? But it can blind me. Blind me to the wrongdoings of self-indulgent people. People who do not empathize, or consider the effects of their actions on others. Or I try to blind myself to it, as an act of politeness. It happens quite often.

So... I'm cautious about... meeting friends in a potential lion's den. I've been there before several times. That's... okay, that's not the weird part, this is the weird part. I watched that video and on the recommended video bar (embedded YT vid) was a thumbnail of my therapist... Yeah... I knew he was a crisis counselor, he let me know that, this was a video posted a year ago, and he's in it. And he works... at the place... that hosts the art community. At least, he worked... because he's currently trying to transition out and into private practice.

So... the first Google result... was an art community for people with mental health relevance in their lives... and my therapist can't recommend it because... he works there. And he can't even name where he works. And somewhere... in a hollowed out volcano in Southeast Asia... a supervillain is staring at a screen with this scenario on it and wringing his hands and cackling "yesss all is going according to plaaaan"...

So... I don't know what to do with that. I think it might be good for me to look for other groups... too. And not to just write this group off, but to maybe sit in on a meeting or something, or just do more research at least.

Another thing that was running through my head was... remember about that whole ADHD screening? Remember how I was going to get an ADHD screening done... in like... late December? It's late March. It's been almost 2 months since I saw the fucking doctor. So... I have an idea. And I feel a bit bad about this, but I really just need to get over it. I think I need to try to switch doctors to one at the health center in my neighborhood. At least... I need to try. It's much closer, it's like... walking distance. Or... semi-legal skating distance. Rather than getting the community car and taking that halfway across the city. That's point one. Two, because this doctor has not followed up at all, at any point, in like... 2 months. I feel bad because she was nice, and kinda... bohemian like me, you know? So... I felt like we clicked a bit, and I wanted to give that a shot... But... idk. So... I'll float the idea by my therapist on Thursday, since he was supposed to have open talks with that woman, if opening the doors with another doctor would be more practical at this stage, I'll give it a shot.

My top priority right now is not the ADHD shit, I've all-but given up on that, honestly. Whatever. I'll just keep chugging energy drinks and sculpting my life around freeform wandering and bouts of hyperfocus, it's nothing new. My top priority right now is getting rid of this goddamn motherfucking bacterial scalp infection that has been plaguing me since November 2021. Since the month I quit smoking. It is horrible. I took antibiotics for it - both oral and topical - and it didn't kill it. I really don't want to take antibiotics again, I've been doing antifungal regimens for my foot fungus for like... over a month now. I want to be gentle with my body... But this shit? I swear... They're like pimples, but it's itchy and extremely painful, on my scalp and under my beard, they smell like garlic or onion when they pop, some the size of pimples, some can blow up to the size of my fucking thumb. I have no idea where they came from or why they won't go away, I tried antibacterial soaps, I've had my head steadily shaved to hopefully get the sun to help out, it just will not go away. It makes me super self-conscious, it's super painful and constantly uncomfortable and my body is constantly taxed by fighting this infection. I can only dream of the peace I will have when I'm finally free from it. And I really would like to bump that up the prio list.

I'll put the doctor stuff on the whiteboard, might as well.

Last, but not least, I found a minecraft mod that actually does desire paths! And it does them really well too, which is cool. I wish they were customizable in how many passes over a certain area for them to erode, but... it's effective and it's better than doing it manually. This is cool for me because then all I have to do is... clear grass, screenshot and explore. I don't have to manually add the paths in anymore. Pretty cool. And the paths are much more subtle when they start forming, they turn to dirt first before they turn to paths, and gradually turn to dirt at that... so it will encourage much more wandering. I'm pretty excited for that. I think that could be an interesting stream. Me literally walking back and forth through the woods between two shrines for hours, for an audience. I appeal to a very... niche audience... XD But hey, it's got shaders and shit, so... pretty cool, huh?

Bed time.

[garudabluffs]

The Cripple Creek Band - Purple Rain Cover Live

The Cripple Creek Band's cover of "Purple Rain" from their live show at Cache Creek Casino in November 2017.

561 Comments

"Purple Rain was originally intended to be a country song, for Stevie Nicks to sing. But Stevie told Prince after a while she couldn't handle it, so he and the Revolution practice for 6 hours straight until they got it down to the Prince version of Purple Rain we all know. Yep."

Purple Rain (bluegrass version) Dwight Yoakam Verse 1:] I never meant to cause you any sorrow I never meant to cause you any pain I only wanted to one time to see you laughing I only wanted to see you Laughing in the purple rain [Chorus:] Purple rain, purple rain Purple rain, purple rain Purple rain, purple rain I only wanted to see you Bathing in the purple reign [Verse 2:] I never wanted to be your weekend lover I only wanted to be some kind of friend Baby, I could never steal you from another It's such a shame our friendship had to end [Chorus:] Purple rain, purple rain Purple rain, purple rain Purple rain, purple rain I only wanted to see you Bathing in the purple reign [Verse 3:] Honey, I know, I know I know times are changing It's time we all reach out For something new, that means you too You say you want a leader But you can't seem to make up your mind I think you better close it And let me guide you to the purple rain [Chorus:] Purple rain, purple rain Purple rain, purple rain Purple rain, purple rain I only wanted to see you Bathing in the purple rain"

"A cover like this and Dwight Yoakam's make perfect sense. It started out as a country song. google "How we made Prince's Purple Rain" Interviews by Michael Hann for The Guardian. Prince played keys on Stevie Nick's Stand Back. Then gave her a 10 minute instrumental. Asked her to write lyrics. She was intimidated by it so turned it down. He let the Revolution play around with it after rehearsals. Wendy played the first few chords and dragged them out. Then they mixed genres for the rest of the song for 6 hrs. There's a reason it was called Prince and the Revolution. He certainly was the driving force but he let them have their input. Dr. Fink his lead keyboard player said the song Delirious came out of playing Elvis and rockabilly songs in rehearsals. Dr. Fink has a classical and jazz piano training and played with him for about 10yrs. "

The 10 Most Memorable “Purple Rain” Covers In A Year Without Prince

11 Comments

PURPLE RAIN" 17 year old Christone "Kingfish" Ingram (featured on tv show Luke Cage) @ 2016 Winthrop Rhythm & Blues Festival Featuring Jimi Bott on drums, John Mazzocco on Bass and Jim Pugh on Keys.

[cherrysoulth]

Hi, my dear, I hope you’re well 💜

Weird Questions for Writers: 2, 7, 16 :)

Hiii ^^ I'm doing fine, can't complain. I hope you too.

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

Yes, I could but it would force me to improve my writing. I do write a lot by hand: ideas, combos, etc, if I can't use technology. My writing… I'm the only one who can understand it 1) I write fast and 2) I rather no one knows what I'm up to. I use a purple or pink pen (the tint is that colour) ^^

7. What is your deepest joy about writing? 

I can completely disconnect from reality and think as if I was someone else for a while. I get to "live" experiences or choose things I would never do irl. Sometimes because they would put me in danger, make me question myself, etc… 

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

Physically: A blanket but it does not sound as weird when you explain. In bed, if I have to stand for whatever reason I'll just use the edge of the blanket because I keep on losing the bookmarks. Or, I put them in the same place when I find them and then forget to use them with short books. Life, I guess. 

Online: Google docs… A friend's chat… 👀 I have way too many bookmarks and sometimes I'll need to find this one thing rather quickly…  I'm a mess. 💀

[lee-hakhyun]

orv is the first and probably only time i'd ever translate something. i just figured out everything on my own, so it's probably a mess, but here is the stuff i use (under the cut, because it's quite a lot)

for unedited mtl, i take screenshots, upload them to discord, download them on my phone, translate with papago's text on img, and then upload them back to discord to read (you can skip this if you just want to read the images on your phone instead). the translation is rough but it is readable.. though it may take a bit to figure out what terms are which.

make sure the text on the screenshots are spaced out enough (or the ocr will combine lines into a mess), and it'll end up looking something like this

these are the visual settings i use, theme colour doesn't matter but dark mode is easier on the eyes. this takes like.. 5 minutes. it's quite easy (but tedious haha)

now if you want to edit mtl. i'm not sure how it is for others, but it takes me a while. hours to days for a single side story chapter depending on complexity ^^;

while you could just ocr the images to get the text, i've found it to be pretty unreliable. for any sentence that doesn't feel right, i find it easier to just type it out directly into the translator (papago mainly, deepl if the sentence still comes out weird). learning hangul is really not that hard! here's a good video that you can start off with

and for diphthongs specifically, this video explains it really clearly

if you'd like to start learning korean, this guy has a lot of good beginner videos too (the playlist is in the description). it's not needed for editing mtl, but knowing basic words and grammar helps a LOT

for typing, i used a website that had the korean keyboard up first. i copied the sentences, very slowly. and eventually i memorized it. at that point i ditched the website and downloaded the korean keyboard layout. for windows at least it's windows key + space to switch language to korean, then right alt to swap between hangul and english, and right ctrl after typing out hangul to bring up hanja

i work with the korean and mtl side by side, and bounce back and forth while going sentence by sentence. sometimes you don't need to do anything other than just rewording the sentence to sound more normal, but when it doesn't make sense that's when i start typing it into the translator

so. you throw a sentence into the translator, and you still can't figure out what it means? mirinae!

this breaks a sentence down, explaining the grammar and you'll be able to tell if there's any words that are werid

here's an example. now when doing this, there might be a word or phrase that stands out. that's probably what's wrong with the sentence. either you typed something wrong, or it's something that a translator can't pick up. google it :) there's probably someone else who already asked what is means, or it's a term that namu.wiki usually has. namuwiki is like a less serious korean wikipedia, but it usually has the terms you need. do look for other sources though, because namuwiki isn't the most accurate sometimes..

add en. in front of a namuwiki link to get a mtled page (example)

if it's a standard word though, just use naver dictionary :)

and for hanja, i look at this as well as googling

if i'm still confused on how a word is used, i'll go to twitter and look at how it's used in different contexts

and finally. keep a note of those terms that are book specific or that the translator have problems picking up. it will help so much when you don't have to go down a hole every time that term comes up again. or just terms that come up a lot. it helps to keep things consistent :)

here's a snippet of my notepad. there's definitely a better way to do this. but i don't feel a need to find anything else right now

how do u set up machine translation?

OK SO

First of all, I downloaded a website translator. I use mate translate, a firefox extension. It's an absolute lifesaver for navigating ANY site not in English.

Using that I made an account on Munpia and bought the sctir chapters as I translated. Munpia doesn't let you select text, so I used an OCR website! (Aka sites to get the text from images)

Now the two that I used were imagetotext, which is quite fast, but likes to fuck up and malfunction, forcing me to restart the process a lot. Bc of that I switched to prepostseo, which works well enough, but does require you to do a captcha test every. single. time. And I am SO FUCKING BAD at those that I went half insane.

So what I would do is to take a screenshot of whatever page I'm on, get the text through the OCR and paste it into Obsidian (I make two separate files for each chapter - RAWs and TLed) until I have the whole chapter.

Now, the formatting does get kinda fucked up. While I use the text on Munpia as a reference, I fix up the formatting of the text.

This is where it gets a little complicated: I like to use Azure to translate. It's a service offered by Microsoft, which includes a translator that, in my experience, is a little better than other machines. And since I don't edit the text this has proven to be VERY useful to me.

But setting up Azure is an absolute bitch and a half so I could also recommend Papago. They include definitions of certain words too, which is really useful. You're just gonna have to do it bit by bit.

Lastly? I recommend learning hangul. It's super fuckin fun (to me, but im a huge nerd) and it will help you with understanding when something's mistranslated a LOT.

The translations are pretty.. Well, they're unedited machine translation. But at least you won't have to wait 12 years for all 870 chapters to get translated. I say that you enjoy the process (It's very very repetitive and I highly recommend putting on a show in the meantime!) and just.. well, just have fun.

I've found that I really enjoy some of the descriptions even when they're not the best. And good grammar gets overestimated anyways. Talk to any older immigrant and they'll tell you the most fantastic stories while inventing sentence structures never before seen (Speaking as a child of immigrants here lol)

And gosh even with the translations being fucked up I've still had so many moments where I got so emotional I cried. The author is a wonderful writer and I can't wait to learn korean enough to be able to read the original text

That's all for now! If it sounds complicated, thats because I do NOT know how to keep myself short ^^

[johnsamericano]

𝔖𝔲𝔤𝔞𝔯 ℜ𝔲𝔰𝔥 𝔧.𝔧.𝔥 •2•

Hi hi! I'm back with another chapter. This one might not be as good(?, it's a really fluffy chapter so bear with me.

warnings: sugar daddy jae, he's a big baby, tooth rotting, kinda long.

sugar rush m.list.

taglist: @thoreeo @trustmahluv @sunny-nyu @nanascupid @silent-potato

“Sir, there’s a girl asking to see you.”

“Hey, I’m not a girl!” He chuckled as his finger pressed the button to communicate with his secretary.

“Hey, I’m not a girl!” He chuckled as his finger pressed the button to communicate with his secretary.

“Hey, I’m not a girl!” He chuckled as his finger pressed the button to communicate with his secretary.

“Let her in.”

Only a few seconds later, your head was peeking through his door.

“I brought you coffee.” You extended your hand out, showing him the carton containing two iced drinks. “Are you busy?”

“Not at all, come in.” You sat on the elegant, individual sofa in front of him, his desk serving as a separation. “Are you here to spy on me? Don't you trust me with your father's case?” He pouted, typing something in his keyboard while your palms started sweating.

How could you not trust the man with the highest case winning index in the whole country?

Briefly, after your encounter with the other lawyer, you'd googled him as well as his company. Because of his incredibly high fees, he didn't have many clients, but those few who had enough money to cost him were almost assured to be on the winning side. So then, why hadn't an excellent lawyer like him popped up when you'd first looked for popular firms? Simple, he wasn't popular.

Just like a hidden gem, only a few had the pleasure to know Yoonoh, and you felt beyond grateful for paying that stupid membership weeks ago.

“No, no!” You were quick to defend yourself, frantically shaking your hands to support your previous statement. “Just wanted to be of help.”

Truth to be told, after receiving your first weekly allowance, an unsettling feeling had been squeezing your heart ever since. Call it guilt or whatever, but it didn't set right to be receiving si much help from him when you hadn't had the chance to do anything in return. The least you could do was trying to be polite.

“You shouldn't be spending your money on me. I'm the one supposed to spoil you, remember?” He grabbed the plastic container by the lid, sipping the bitter liquid with an amused smile. “But thank you.”

“I paid my rent yesterday.” You blurted out, trying to avoid the uncomfortable silence threatening to settle between the two of you. “And I still have money left to save for my father's hospital bills, maybe even buy a present for my aunt.”

He admired how noble you were, making sure those around you had enough before even thinking to do something for yourself.

“I have a party this Friday, would you like to attend with me?” Your presence wasn't required as it wasn't a big event, but by the look in your eyes, he knew you were itching to do something in return for his kindness.

“Yes, of course!” Your orbs sparkled with excitement, finally feeling yourself useful.

“If you don't mind waiting, we can go buy something for you to wear right after I finish with this.” For what seemed like the tenth time in less than ten minutes, small beads of sweat rolled down the back of your neck. Thank God he wasn't able to see them. “Oh, come on, don't give me that look!”

“You’ve already done so much for me. I can buy the clothes myself, don't worry.” With a deep sigh, Yoonoh rose from his chair, taking long strides to surround the desk separating you. “W-what are you doing?” Now kneeling on the floor beneath you, his face was dangerously close to yours, coffee breath crashing against your nose.

“Using mind control to convince you to let me take you out.” He stared at you for a couple more seconds before saying: “Is it working?”

“I think your mind control is broken.” You whisper, unable to hold back the small giggles bubbling at the back of your throat.

“How about now?” He batted his eyelashes, trying to act cute despite his bold features. You shook your head.

Just as you thought it was over, his hand went up to cup your jaw, his thumb drawing uneven figures on the ticklish skin.

“How about now?” He repeated. You stammered, unsure of what to say. “Sorry, that was inappropriate.” Aware of your awkwardness and the rising heat in your cheeks, he stood up, walking back to his chair. “But I do want to get you something, would you let me?”

With your mind busy and your guard low, you nodded, unaware of the silly smile on his face.

“I have a few novels on my shelf in case you want something to kill time.”

“Thank you.” You moved to the huge bookshelf facing his desk, grateful your face wasn't visible anymore.

The books were ordered by genre and size, starting from the biggest law-related textbooks to pocket-sized novels, ending with the smallest one he had. The little prince.

Your eyes widened in disbelief. Yoonoh didn't seem to be the type to read that kind of heartbreaking yet beautiful book. Nonetheless, as many said, you can't judge a book by its cover.

An hour or two later, you were halfway into the first book of flowers in the attic, immersed in the small world the author had created. Yoonoh had finished his work a few minutes before, but distracting you when you were reading so vividly, seemed like a crime. He enjoyed the way your eyebrows would knit together every time something shocking happened, clearly too immersed in the novel to notice his intense gaze.

“Y/n...” He whispered once he noticed you were starting a new chapter. You blinked twice, hands clutching the book tightly as you noticed he had finished his work. “You can take it home, don't worry.”

“Sure?” He flashed his pretty dimples as his eyes turned into half-moons.

“You can come back for the rest of the saga when you finish this one. Take as many books as you please, I’ve already read them all.”

“Thank you.” Another act of kindness you had no way of returning. His favors just seemed to be piling up before you could even return any. “Would you like to have dinner with me today? I'm a great cook, or so did my father said.” You blurted out quickly, twisting your hands nervously as you waited for an answer.

“I’d love to. But I might have to attend some work calls if you don't mind.”

“I don't, maybe I'll even have time to bake a cake while you're at it.” God, how bad he wanted to take a picture of that adorably nervous smile.

“Great, so it's settled. Dinner at your place after we go shopping.” He had already put his blazer on, offering his arm to guide you out. With shaky fingers and sweaty armpits, you grabbed it, walking by his side with his secretary’s gazed glued on you. So much for a girl, huh?

Once seated in his car, with the book resting on your lap, you allowed yourself to relax. Yoonoh wasn't a bad person, on the contrary, he was very kind, so there was no use in keeping your guard up when he was around.

“Ready to roll?” You cringed at his use of slang, making him drop his head back to laugh. “What? Isn't it a thing you cool young adults say?”

“Maybe twenty years ago, Yoonoh.” It was the very first time you used his name so informally, and, oh how good it felt to hear you saying it?

“Fine, I won't use it anymore.” He poked your arm like a little child, and for a moment, you wondered if he was actually more than a decade older.

Several bad jokes, two dresses, and a quick stop at the grocery store later, you arrived at your apartment. Yoonoh held everything while you entered the passcode, struggling not to drop a can of vegetables that was starting to bend the edge of the paper bag.

“Ready, hand me something.” You both entered with your hands packed with different things. You went to your room to leave the new dresses while Yoonoh set the paper bags down on the kitchen counter.

“So...” He clapped loudly. “What are we cooking?”

“I bought the ingredients for lasagna. Is that okay with you?” He nodded, lips pressed and dimples in display. “Alright, let's do this.”

It would've been of great help if Yoonoh had told you he didn't know how to cook. But of course, part of the fault was yours for not noticing when he tried to add ketchup to the recipe.

“I burnt it.” He looked at the semi-carbonized pasta with disgust, feeling ashamed of having ruined your dish. “Let’s just throw it away and order something.” He was about to touch the hot container until your grip on his wrist halted his movements.

“We just pulled it out of the oven.” You shook your head in disbelief at the man standing in front of you.

“Sorry.”

Despite Yoonoh’s endless complaining, you ate the lasagna. The flavor wasn't that bad when you scratched off the burnt parts, especially when accompanied by a cold glass of wine.

“It’s not that bad.” You repeated over and over again. A phone call interrupted him from self-pitying any further. “Go on, take it.” You continued eating while he spoke in the living room.

It wasn't until a couple of minutes later that you realized he was whisper yelling at whoever was on the other line. It was your first time seeing him angry, and you didn't like it one bit. The way his face turned completely stoic, his eyes cold as his hand rested on his hip. Sweet, caring, Yoonoh was gone.

“I told you I needed it for today.” He said through gritted teeth. “You better get it before I arrive back at the office, or you can find yourself another job.” Even after he hung up, Yoonoh stood in the middle of the shared area, clutching his phone so tightly, it seemed like it would break any minute.

You wanted to ask if everything was alright, if he needed any help, but most importantly, if the things he needed were related to your father's case, but all the words stuck to your throat like insects in a spider web.

“I need to go.” He simply said, not even bothering to fake a smile. “Thank you for dinner, I'll see you on Friday.” With his free hand, he grabbed the coat hanging from his chair and left, slamming the door on his way out.

Was that the real Yoonoh?

A shiver ran down your spine. What had you gotten into? From what you'd seen, it was only about time he would show his true self to you as well.

All the trust you'd built up during the day, had crumbled down in a matter of seconds. The worst part? You didn't even feel entitled to be scared, not after all he'd done for you.

‘Just keep your distance.’ You repeated like a mantra as you got ready for bed, leaving the book you'd borrowed right where he'd left it, afraid it would burn your fingertips even with the slightest touch.

(...)

The week wasn't nearly as long as you'd wanted it to be, and soon enough, you were struggling to zip the dress you'd bought days ago. Your makeup was done, and Yoonoh had texted you he was on his way, yet, you'd been fighting with the zipper for at least ten minutes. Your fingers were cramping, and the clock was ticking.

Just when you'd finally started to drag the small piece of metal, the doorbell startled you, causing you to let go of it.

“Fuck!” Have you ever felt so desperate that tears start pricking your eyes? Well, that was the exact case happening at the moment.

You opened the door with the salty water collecting at the corner of your eyes, surprising Yoonoh, who was wearing his best dimply smile.

“What’s wrong?” He had a bouquet poorly hidden behind his back, probably to apologize for the night he abruptly left and almost knocked down your door.

“I-I can't zip up my dress.” Your voice came out shaky, giving away the emotions burning your gut. Thankfully, Yoonoh didn't seem to notice, and if he did, he didn't mention it.

“I’ll help you.” He, not-so-discretely, put down the bouquet, gently turning you around to your discomfort. His cold hands touched your back as he dragged the zip up, noticing how tense you were but deciding not to comment on it. “Oh! You haven't moved the book from where I left it.”

“I haven't had time to read.” He hummed, crouching to reach for the bouquet and hand it to you. “Thank you.”

“It’s my way of apologizing for the fit I threw a couple of days ago.” A fit? That was one way to call it.

“It’s okay.” You lied as you pushed the corners of your lips to form a credible smile. “Let’s get going.”

The flowers were left on the kitchen counter before you left. The ride in the elevator was awfully quiet, and Yoonoh had no idea what had happened. You were so chatty the last time he saw you, so of course, he was taken aback by the sudden change.

“It’s not going to take long, so we can head out for some drinks later if you'd like...” You nodded, for you knew speaking would only expose your discomfort. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah! Just nervous about the party, that's all.”

You stood by Yoonoh’s side for the rest of the evening, smiling and nodding at his acquaintances’ comments. At one point in the evening, a man, not much older than you, approached you both with a wide smile.

“Dude, I hadn't seen you in ages. Stop sending your workers and come see me yourself.” They hugged. Why were they hugging?

“Y/n, this is my brother, Sungchan.” The man with puppy-like eyes embraced you tightly, almost as if welcoming you to his family. “Sungchan, this is y/n, my girlfriend.” He said it so naturally, it’d take a detective to figure out the truth about your relationship.

“I’ve heard a lot about you. I'm sorry for your father. But don't worry, we'll take those bastards down.”

“I’m not following...” You blinked repeatedly, eyes going back and forth between Yoonoh and his brother.

“Sungchan is a doctor. I asked him to look at your father's case for further evidence. My assistant was supposed to pick up the report the day we had dinner, but she forgot to drop by. Now we’re a day behind schedule.” The dark cloud surrounding him seemed to be slowly dissipating as you heard his explanation. “This is an important case, and I want to be as meticulous as possible.”

Thank you didn't seem the right thing to say at the moment, at least not with Sungchan standing there, so you simply grabbed his hand, squeezing it to let him know how grateful you were.

To your surprise, he didn't even flinch as he locked your hands together, causing a small giggle from Sungchan.

“Okay, love birds, I'll get going.” He waved you goodbye, making his way to another table where his friend waited for him.

“Can we talk?” You whispered in his ear, afraid one of the numerous attendants would hear you.

“Sure.” Without letting go of your hand, he drove you to a small, private garden just outside the ballroom. “Are you gonna tell me what's wrong now?” His thumb caressed your knuckles with gentle strokes.

“I’m so sorry.”

“What for?”

“I pushed you away at the minimum trouble when you were only helping me.” He hummed as if he already knew about it. “And it will probably happen again, so please, be patient with me. I'm going through-” Your face collided against his chest as his arms draped over your shoulders, squeezing you tightly.

“Call me reckless, but I've wanted to do this for a while.” Your hands hung at the sides of your torso, unsure what to do next. “You can push me away, I'll understand...”

Instead, your palm found its place in his back, rubbing up and down the designer jacket. Your hair started turning messy from the night breeze, some strands striking Yoonoh’s chin as his embrace only grew tighter.

“Let’s get out of here.” He mumbled, crawling the back of your head with his hand. “Sungchan can deal with my father's friends.”

“Are you sure?” His hum vibrated through his chest, making you giggle at the odd feeling.

Once seated in his car, his hand found yours like a magnet, the warmth emanating from it comfortably enveloping your skin.

The calmness of the atmosphere was interrupted by a call from his brother, who seemed to be anxiously explaining something through the phone.

“Just tell him I had a work emergency.” With that said, he hung up, placing his hand back again on top of yours. “Sorry, he said it was urgent.”

“It’s okay.” An unsettling feeling pinched your stomach, but you decided to dismiss it, immersed in the chilly weather of the dark streets.

You arrived at the river, where Yoonoh asked you to wait for him while he bought a couple of beers. It was a sight to see, both of you clad in fancy clothes, barefoot and chugging down can after can.

“I think I like being with you.” You declared, mind fuzzy from the alcohol intake.

“I think I like it too.” The tips of his ears were rosy, revealing he was as intoxicated as you, maybe even more.

“Would you like to visit my father with me tomorrow?” The words flew out of your mouth before you could even realize. Afraid you'd killed the mood, you tried to excuse yourself, only to be interrupted by his lips grazing your ear, placing a timid kiss on your lobe.

“I’d love to.” It was the sweetest peck, no ulterior motives behind it, just pure affection.

“Are we going too fast?” In your drunken state, what you had felt like a real relationship, not a simple agreement. And this sure felt like a first date.

“We’re moving at our own pace, I believe.” He dropped his head on your shoulder, pressing against it to relieve the dizziness clouding his mind. “Are you okay with that? Maybe you don't want to be with an old creep like me, and I'd totally get it. Just don't let me get my hopes up if that's the case.”

“You might be old, but definitely not a creep.” Your fingers combed through his abundant hair as your mind wandered into the future, grateful for the fact that he wouldn't become bald soon. “Or are you?”

“I don't think so.” Anyone who walked by would've seen a couple of goofs, too intoxicated to talk without slurring the words, but you were living in your own, comfy bubble. “I should get you home before it gets too late. Come on, I'll call a driver.” He tried getting on his feet to no avail, stumbling back a little before falling back on his ass.

“My apartment is nearby. You can stay for the night.” You grabbed both pairs of shoes as his arm surrounded your shoulder for assistance. “If you keep supporting your whole weight on me, we're both gonna fall.” People on the street shot you a couple of funny looks, which was understandable since it wasn't usual to see two drunk idiots walking barefoot in the middle of the night.

“How long till-” Hiccup. “-we get there?” His stare seemed to worsen with every step. “God, I think I might throw up.”

“Stop acting like a teenager, we're almost there.”

As soon as you arrived at the small apartment, you sat him down on the little step where you changed your shoes. You left both pairs on the rack, proceeding to put on slippers to enter the house.

“Don’t leave me here!” He whined, stomping his feet like a little kid.

“Just wait for a second!” His attitude was starting to get on your nerves to the point where you couldn't feel the effects of the beer anymore.

You grabbed a rag from the kitchen cabinet and dampened it under the sink. Yoonoh was half asleep when you walked back to him.

“My head hurts.” He mumbled as you sat in front of him, placing his left foot on your lap. “What are you doing?”

“I don't have any slippers that will fit you, and I don't want your dirty feet making my house dirty.” With utmost delicacy, you wiped away the dirt from his toes, noticing the small scratches caused by the gravel he walked on.

He touched your hair while you finished with his other foot, tangling the strands with fascination.

“Done, get up.”

He followed your indications as you guided him to your room, where you laid him down on his side in case he threw up.

“Are we visiting your father tomorrow?” He asked while snuggling under the covers.

“Sure.” You cleared his forehead from the strands falling in it, grazing the soft skin of his forehead. “Sweet dreams, gigantic baby.”

[r0-boat]

*Gently dusts off my trusty keyboard and cracks knuckles*

Been a bit since I wrote some headcanons, let's give this a shot, hm?

(contains spoilers, i doubt anyone cares but felt the need to mention)

Genders kept neutral, same for genitalia

----

Kylar

It's been stated they are an artist, and explicitly draw the player multiple times as obsession grows. Imagine Kylar drawing both lewd and more.. romantic drawings of the player. Like them in a wedding gown/suit, all done up standing at the altar for them. Or even that night, panting with a blush over their face. Their wedding outfit half off of them and they look so needy for Kylar alone.

Kylar is most commonly very small compared to the player, unless the player is "tiny" in which Kylar is just barely taller than them. Please consider, Kylar trying so desperately to pin the player to the wall, trying to be "Dominate" but really just looks like a cute little toy~

Kylar has a breeding kink. Whether they're the ones being bred or the one breeding, they want to have that literal and physical tie to the player.

The player gives Kylar a new knife for their birthday one year and Kylar looks like they're going to cry <3 It becomes their new favourite knife.

It's vaguely implied Kylar's parents aren't the best, possibly apart of some type of criminal underground though that's never confirmed or truly implied. So, consider:

Kylar running away to live with the player because their parents want them to marry someone other than their beloved. The two fleeing into the woods, where they find a cabin not too unlike Eden's and live there happily.

Based off of the "saving kylar" outcome from the Kylar Dismissal Quest: Kylar pacing their home like a wild animal in a cage waiting for any news of their beloved's fate after being arrested. Wanting, no, *needing* to feel their body against theirs~

When the player finally returns to them, Kylar can't help but break. Clinging to them and *begging*, needing them. Just them. Their lust maxing out within a split moment of just seeing their face.

----

Tbh- not my best headcanon list but I did what I could for a game I haven't played in a hot second.

-Kitsune

👀👀👀👉👈 oh myy

God I am just waiting for an update that has you living with Kylar.

Also I have a heavy suspicion that Kylar's family is part of a mafia.

Kinda explains why he got arrested so fast when hestole that cake.

Kylar also probably writes fanfiction of him and the pc

As to be expected its all just power fantasy smut.

You open his laptop and see a Google doc tab and open it.

It's fanfic about Kylar as an Alpha male beating up virgin Whitney.

[serenityseventeen]

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Third Letter

-----------------

To: Hong Jisoo/Joshua

From: Y/N

To Joshua,

this is a letter for you, confessing my true feelings because I can't do it in person and I never will.

I also want to apologize for overhearing what you said a few hours ago. I don't know if it was sincere or if you just wanted to make an excuse and hide your feelings. Don't worry, I'm not thinking that you did the second one. I believe that you truly don't like me back the way I like you. I truly believe that you told your friend that with full sincerity. You denied it when he asked, “Do you like Y/N?” because you don't like me in that way.

Honestly, when I heard that from my bedroom window, I was heartbroken. Of course, that's because I just found out the guy I was beginning to fall in love with didn't like me the same way. I didn't cry, just sat in the corner of my bed, in the dark, listening to sad songs.

“Do you like Y/N?”

You chuckled and I can picture you covering your mouth habitually.

“Y/N? Why do you ask?”

“I'm just curious.”

“Well, you two hang out a lot lately.”

“No, I don't like Y/N like that.”

The conversation is still fresh in my mind.

Joshua, hope that we can still be friends. I hope that we can still be neighbors. I know that you're a good person inside and out, Joshua. If I can't love you in the way I do, I won't love you at all. I don't want to ruin the neighbor-friend relationship we have even if I want more than that. You're a great guy and I mean that.

I still have the shirt you gave me but I've stuffed it behind my closet so that I won't have any traces of you. I want to stop my feelings for you as quickly as possible because I know, I would still have to face you, talk with you, and see you. If I can't tuck away these feelings, I'll fall deep. I just want someone to come into my life and take me away from you. That's how much I liked you, Joshua.

I want to ask you, am I being too obvious with my feelings? Are my insecurities showing to you? When you see me, can you tell that my heart is jumping because of you? Joshua, I think you're aware of how I feel but you're just not accepting it because you don't want to hurt me, am I right?

That shirt that you gave me, I can't just return it to you out of the blue, it's probably too strange, right? If I did, you would realize that something was up with me. I can't let that happen now so I'm writing you this letter.

I think about the day we both had our first interaction a lot. It was the week after your family moved into the house next to mine. You were watering the flowers in the front yard and got distracted by a bird. I remember, as I was walking by your house to my bus stop at the corner of the block, I caught a glance of you waving to a common brown bird.

Thinking about this meeting made me laugh. I didn't know I would meet a person in this kind of way but apparently, I met you like this. Just one second after I turned on my music and plugged my left ear, water just splashed on me! For some reason, I wasn't angry, I was just flustered and a bit amused.

I froze in the middle of the sidewalk and when I turned to you, I guess I looked intimidating? You bowed so many times and kept on repeating your apology.

Of course, you didn't know that you looked so cute while bowing and apologizing.

I guess you told your mom about it while expressing how sorry you were. When I came back home from school, your mother confronted me to give me some food. I don't know if you knew about this but she told me that she was sorry for you getting me wet this morning.

The next day, you came up to me with the shirt, continuing to apologize. I think that sparked our friendship. Soon, we were inviting each other over for a barbeque. Your family and my family were both small so I guess it felt like we were just one big family having dinner, cooking outdoors. It makes me feel guilty for thinking of you like that but was I able to help it? No, not really.

Gosh... Am I writing too much? It's not like we did much together. We talked a lot. You talked with me a lot. You also helped me whenever I was having a hard time with schoolwork. At first, you seemed like a mature and gentleman type of guy but the closer we grew made me realize that you're a bit playful too. That's a quality of yours, Joshua. To me, it seemed like our personalities fit perfectly.

Of course, you don't see it that way though. I was probably just a friend that helped you get used to the area. I think I was able to tell you just about everything because you were so trustworthy. You were just a friend I was desperate to keep but that desperation led me to grow feelings for you. In time, I'll get used to it.

There were times aside from when we talk that made me fall for you. To you, I'm probably nothing more than a sibling-like neighbor. Do you treat me like a sibling because we both have none?

Sometimes, you would fix my hair for me, tucking a strand behind my ear. Sometimes you would pat my shoulder and compliment me, saying that I looked good. You always remind me to be careful. You always remember things about me that I don't.

Sometimes you would joke around, saying I had something behind my ear, or in my hair, and then you'd give me a flower. I noticed your love for grass because of that.

Why are you such a warm, gentle, and kind guy? You've only fed me sweet moments.

Even your warm smile is always stuck in my mind. Do you know how much comfort I receive from your smile? Whenever I look into your twinkling eyes, I always feel my heart skip a beat. The sun seems to always be on your side, making you glow.

Do you know that whenever you're focused on creating bracelets and stuff, you look handsome? I don't want to sound like a fangirl, but I think you look attractive when you're focused. Plus, you create each bracelet with so much care and sincerity that it makes me wonder when I'll get one. They are all so pretty.

I also want to ask this.

Gizzy. Who is she to you?

I first met her when I was going to your house to return a cup that your mother gave me. Gizzy was standing there with her twin brother and she asked me who I was. At that moment, I knew what kind of person she was. You seem to be friends with her twin but she always tags along to your house.

Joshua, I don't know if you can tell, but she's not right for you. I know that you know she likes you, but please, whatever it is, don't date her. If you do fall for a girl like her, I'll be questioning myself all year long.

I'm deciding not to love you anymore but I'm not writing this piece of advice out of jealousy. You two are truly a bad match. I don't want her to change you. Once she does get you, she's going to make you distance yourself from me. I can tell. She doesn't like me and I don't like her either.

I'm sure you know yourself better, Joshua.

That's just a piece of advice that I'm scared to say to you. Maybe one day I'll tell you to not date her. For now, I'm going to stay silent and act as if I don't have any opinions. I don't want to distance us and since you're my neighbor, I especially don't want to make you angry.

I also noticed that you don't get angry easily, which makes me think that you're scary when you're angry. You seem so angelic that I can follow you to the deepest ends of the world, giving you my whole trust. Even if you do get extremely angry at me one day, enough to yell at me, I will still trust you fully. I can trust you with my hand when on the edge of a cliff.

You did get slightly angry at me a few times and whenever I think of those moments, my heart still beats nervously.

I remember once when you were extra sensitive and I accidentally provoked you by continuously asking how you were feeling and you sort of snapped at me. I don't blame you though because that day, I must have been annoying, worrying about you too much and getting too much into your business. The feeling... It was a bit shocking.

After that, you could tell by my expression that I was shocked and you apologized, saying you didn't feel well. I apologized too but whenever I thought of that time, I would feel my heart grow heavy, even though you had patted my head that day.

Joshua, I hope that you can find someone good for you. It won't be me or Gizzy. Find someone that you truly love.

I hope we can still be friends because you're a really great, amazing person. I hope that we can still be friends, neighbors, continue having our barbeques and family gatherings. I'm determined to fall out of love with you so that I can see you as a brother-like neighbor. I want to have that kind of close relationship.

Let's be good friends and neighbors.

You won't even know I ever liked you.

I hope you'll just think that way.

Your friend and neighbor,

Y/N.

-----------------

© serenityseventeen

6/19/21 - 5:48 pm

a/n: A few days ago, I powered off my phone since the keyboard was laggy (it does that whenever I copy and paste too much) and it had to go through a factory data reset, which meant I lost all my data since I don't use an SD card... I had to redownload everything, including apps, music, etc. THANK GOD I moved all my writing to my Google drive. Sigh, I wanted to write but I had to redo everything and I lost all of my plot ideas for my requests...