#can't say i don't relate though.
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chapter 143 of berserk... scream.
under a read more because, well! it's berserk. and. girl...
girl.
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because i was rewatching 1x04 and was reminded that episode 4 of almost every season is an absolute banger of an episode. (also i know what recency bias might do to this poll so please take a second to remember the episode 4s of seasons gone by before voting askjdfh)
#911 related#i already know what's going to happen but i'm sorry we need to take a moment to appreciate 1x04 2x04 and 4x04 are 3 of the best episodes#this show has ever produced!!!!!!!#like 4x04 is still to this day my number one ep i think#i have eps i probably rewatch more or have more *fun* watching or that make me lose it for different reasons#but in terms of storytelling i still think it's the best#and stuck is STUCK!!!!!#it's THE ep#and 1x04 is truly so fucking devastating i don't know what else to say#i also looooooove 5x04 even though it's really painful#chim's scene at the hospital is gutwrenchng#and the 'ice goes on the eye bud' scene :(((((((#and don't get me wrong 7x04 was revolutionary and i love it#but idk if it beats 2x04 or 4x04 for me#i've loved them for too long!!!!#anyway!#can't wait to see what this poll looks like in the morning lmao
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guess who
I've seen a few artists I like making human art and I got inspired to make my own.
First version was based just on their character designs and personality, and what inspired their look in the first place. Second version happened when I took into account their backstory and what I imagine human versions of their parents' would look like. I don't consider either of these "canon", because to me they're just trolls but it was a fun experiment to try.
Now back to our regularly scheduled programming of me drawing little colorful dolls
#my dumbasses 🫶#ex bandmates#trolls oc#hed#les#dreamworks trolls#trolls#human trolls#my art#Trolls genres are weird and even though I can see them kind of as different human races (along other things)#I don't think you can compare them with real world races/nationalities.#As in I don't think you can point at a troll genre and say it's the equivalent of x race.#For me it varies from troll to troll even between trolls who are related.#So making a 'perfect' human version of these two brothers started feeling more and more like#like a mission impossible the more time I spent on this...#So these drawings are just two attempts#and I wanted to share.#also on a different note#the first les's hair is supposed to look pretty greasy. can anyone tell? (bc a friend said they can't see it)#and i feel like the first hed doesn't fit stylistically with the rest#probs because i drew him first. after not drawing a human for like 4 months (such is the life of a troll obsessor)#but i do love how he looks so i didn't want to go in and redraw him#also i don't have any more motivation for this and i just keep focusing on and picking at lil details#so i'm posting to get it off my hands :P
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for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of
also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut
the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)
#hs#homestuck#dirk strider#eye strain#probably? if you think i should tag something else let me know!!#anyway hooray its time for rambling in the tags#so uhhh heres the teæ i've been sick for like a week and you know how it is when suddenly your throat becomes the main gunk warehouse#and you can't breathe lol. wish i could just pull it out. anywaaayy this is basically a vent piece for me being sick lol#also i could draw remotively the same thing with kris deltarune. oh how easy it is to project having a cold#though i have been also experiencing troubles with feelings recently as well....how fitting for dirk#speaking of the man himself (enough of me) his relationship with his own Heart...is peculiar to say the least#the thing i love about alphakids is that despite being so feral they were. so relatable. i cannot stress this enough how unwell they are an#and how they represented being a teen so well. yeah being 15 years old makes that to you#imagine being an emotional mess and trying to fit the 'norm' and act normal about your friends so youre not offputting#and then you fall in love with you friend and your ai clone falls in love with him too looool noone makes out of this one alive#uhh literally. godtiering stuff and dying remember#and speaking of it. tw for suicidal talk for the rest of tags#do you ever think dirk was suicidal. of course the part of when he teleports his head to jake was totally planned and he knew he would ->#wake up as dreamself but. don't you think the moment he cut his head off was sort of. cathartic. how much did he hate his own guts#beheading himself not only for the plan...but also because he thought he 'deserved' it#also wow he is a Prince and was literally beheaded don't you think its funny hahaa#sigh poor thing#this has ended on a not the very pleasant note hm#also fckkkkkk i didn't draw anything with rose/mary for the lesbian visabilty week#(putting the slash because tumblr search system has a dumb gag with showing you posts that contain the tag inside the other tag.#and i don't want this post to show up for the ros/mary fans because it's not!!!! its rose's father emotional crisis post!!!!)#update YOOOO WHAT THE HELL THE GIF HAS EVEN LESS PIXELS THEN I PLANNED fantastic#this your breakfast now tumblr. enjoy your crunchy flakes of dirks meltdown. mwah
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small PSA: if you shop at craft shows or artist alleys, please bring more than apple pay or a virtual card - especially if you're not comfortable entering your card number manually. not all of us have fancy card readers, so please also bring your physical card or cash, even if it's only as backup 👍
#psa#conventions#artist alley#not art#i've done two craft shows and two conventions with just my swipe reader. and cash ofc. but i did have to miss a couple sales at the cons#because people only had apple pay. no cash no physical card. It Sucks For Both Of Us!#when i say there are small businesses in the artist alley i mean some of us are Small#i don't speak just for myself but for other artists who have this trouble as well. some folks are just starting out and some folks#just do this for a hobby and can't afford or can't justify the bigger terminals yet or at all#if i get into ACEN again next year i'll opt for a terminal but they're Pricey and not something to start out with y'know#if you want to be an artist's best friend though? pay in cash.#not to mention if there's technical or wifi trouble - cash just works 100% of the time. no reader or wifi will stop you from using cash.#semi related but i had someone try to pay with apple pay at my last show and i said they'd have to enter their number manually then#and they said they'd go find their partner and see if they had card/cash. and then while they were walking away from their booth#their friend asked why and they said it wasn't safe. on one hand i can't be mad because its VERY good to practice card safety!#on the other hand. you're entering it into the same app that would process a swipe payment. it's exactly as safe as if you'd swiped it#i promise as long as you're entering the number into a square app your card info is safe lmao#anyway yeah a lot of us aren't Big Businesses. please just be courteous and bring some traditional payment methods Just In Case
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as far as christian-themed art goes I'm of the opinion that you cannot meaningfully appropriate mainline western catholicism (it's a massively powerful branch of a religion that has been spread by imperialism and that actively seeks out converts as a core tenet. how could you appropriate it?) but that it is possible to engage with it shallowly and that that's fair game to make fun of. I will not be taking questions at this time
#bolo speaks#which isn't to say that you need to be personally connected to a specific branch to make good art about it#I think sincerity and research are key there#but I was just listening to lingua ignota (having a normal one) and thinking how funny it was#that she was raised catholic but as an adult artist her whole thing is usamerican evangelical protestant imagery and ideas#most people who crib elements of forms of christianity they weren't raised with for their art#are ex-protestants ribbing on catholicism. I think it's neat to see it the other way around#on a related note you can't meaningfully appropriate usamerican-style evangelical protestantism either#and I don't think we make enough freaky gay art about that#I want tumblrinas to bring the energy they do to st sebastian to whatever tortured ideas of gender are being cooked up in missouri right no#...though maybe I say that because I watch a lot of fundie fridays
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Something I notice is the idea with transmasculinity and transmalehood is almost this idea that we had beauty that transition has vanquished, and I honestly never related to this pretransition.
Beauty was never afforded to me as somebody who was obviously neurodivergent and traumatized and weird. I was never seen as beautiful pretransition, and I knew that. Conversations about how desirable we "used to be" never rang true for me personally because I wasn't even given the opportunity to be "beautiful." I was never going to be included in that even if I were not trans, you know? Since transition, I know I'm desirable now, even if it is not in a conventional way. It's interesting how my masculine features are now embraced because people can actually register my maleness, when before, they would never.
Desirability is often used as a tool and a weapon on trans people. The idea of not being "desirable" is a punishment. It's just weird when you're the trans person who was never desired in the first place, and you know it.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#i specify transmasculine and transmaleness because it can be really overt that transphobes often interact with us with the idea that we...#...killed our 'female beauty'. i definitely don't think it's exclusive to us but it's something i take note of because i'm a trans man#it's just funny because i KNOW the transphobes who whinge about my lost beauty would have bullied me for my nose because it's not 'feminine'#or they'd mock my broad shoulers and the fact that i'm asocial and awkward. like it is very transparent#i read a friend who was saying that their beauty was used against them in an abusive way and it's something relatable...#...but it's Complicated at least for me. on one hand - i absolutely get that. on the other - i don't know what it'll be like to be Desirable#or Desirable like that. i find that even though i am desirable after transition people still interact with me in certain ways#part of me appreciates that but part of me is embittered that this is something i just can't ever shake#i think these conversations are interesting and sometimes important which is why i talk about it#i've just been thinking about this since reading what my friend went through (and my heart goes out to them - it was harrowing to read)
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People don't want character redemption they want a revenge plot from a story that was never supposed to be about revenge
#this is about#katsuki bakugou#guys izuku never wanted revenge on him 😭#“he never received punishment” yes one of the story points is that hero society created an environment that was lenient towards bad behavior#katsuki had a strong quirk so people just wanted to be in his good graces. he was never taught that he was wrong.#that's one of the problems with hero society.#also he never received direct punishment however throughout the story he experiences many misfortunes that are directly#related to izuku which ultimately lead to them getting closer and him realizing l#BY HIMSELF that he was wrong#and then he started to atone for it in whatever way he could#but i don't know what the fuck you guys ever expected him to do#he apologized. he got impaled for izuku. he died because he was close to him. he devoted the next eight years of his life to funding#a project that could allow him to be a hero in a society where that is unheard of and discouraged to say the least#like what fucking else do you want him to do??? omg?????#he even stopped calling izuku “deku” even though the name no longer held a negative connotation because he felt like it was wrong for him to#continue using it as the person who gave him that negative nickname in the first place even though izuku said “you don't have to#force yourself to call me izuku“#why do y'all care about the punishment of a bully more than the person who got bullied cares about it#“he doesn't feel guilty” POINTS SO HARD TO CHAPTER 424 WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKERS READ#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha#mha#bakugou katsuki#bkdk
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Anyone else just not feeling like a real person much lately?
#'lately' he says#as if he's not been feeling this way for the last 28 years#idk man#maybe it's bc I'm getting older and so are the people i hang/chat with#but it feels like everyone else has a real life and real interests and experiences and things to say#and I'm some kind of hollow scarecrow person just full of memory loss and sadness#i feel very stupid and very boring#which i know is too harsh. and i know i should be kinder to myself bc life and covid and shit can't have helped the brain situation#and i should absolutely believe my friends when they say they wanna hang with me bc it's mean not to take them at their word#but I'm still like... why though?#genuinely what's the appeal of being around me. my head is empty i have nothing to add and I'm not interesting or that funny#it's been creeping up on me. this feeling like i just genuinely have nothing to offer.#i don't even know who i am#except for a person who like. lives vicariously through fictional characters experiencing feelings I've never had cause to feel#i can relate to emotions SO vividly except i myself haven't even felt the half of them#i just sort of quietly exist somewhere on the spectrum between content and discontent#with occasional drops into the despair zone#and even if the stuff i think is keeping me here went away tomorrow. like if mum stopped being an issue and i was free#like... what would i even do?#i don't even know how to want something#anyway. this has been morning mental breakdowns with newt#I'm going to go make some made up guys live the life i haven't now#mr. bees speaks#negative
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"are people not into that?" i ask, after posting my weird niche shit to the internet, despite knowing it to be weird niche shit.
#jsyk sylkius or anything adjacent to it does not “Do Numbers” in any way and i observed this some time ago#i assume that's the “rival ships” element at work but who knows really#that sort of thing is like femslash in that everyone approves of it but nobody actually reads or writes it#but who would have thought sylvie beating loki with a stick would not bring in droves of readers???! shocking twist there!#& i don't consider sifki a rarepair but my rarepair standards are VERY strict like if there's >5 fics a pairing is basically mainstream#chasing popularity would annoy me though & i just don't have the mental spoons to try writing stuff i wouldn't personally read#yeah i *could* put my blorbos to work in a coffee shop but what cost to my own enjoyment levels? AT WHAT COST FANGELA???#you can't please everyone so you may as well just please yourself and if anyone else likes it you've found some fellow freaks so yay#i don't mean please yourself in a wanking sense. though feel free to do that too it probably counts as a cardio workout idk.#BUT ANYWAY#fic related#ps i am v glad there's the “warning: loki” tag because i think/hope it acts as a filter for 'he did nothing wrong in his life ever' types#who are Valid & etc obviously but i write my morally grey characters to be morally grey and the tag might help avoid conflict#though tbh i write almost every character to be morally grey in some way so i can't claim to have left my comfort zone here#(i'm not joking when i say the 1987-89 run of Dr Who shaped my entire future fannish life from a young and apparently v impressionable age)
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sometimes i like to think that horror comes to dust's room late at night just to talk to phantom papyrus. no he doesn't wanna talk to dust. horror probably doesn't even CARE if dust's awake at the asscrack of dawn or rambling off to the hallucination too loudly this late at night because he just wants to talk to phantom papyrus
horror's not delusional enough to believe that phantom paps is actually real and his own papyrus like dust does but sometimes he really wants to,,,, so just for these short moments between them he wants to pretend that the hallucination is his papyrus. that he gets to talk to his own brother before everything went to shit and before he ruined his brother's life. yeah sure phantom paps kinda says some crazy stuff that horror's papyrus never would back then but so what?? dust's papyrus is the closest thing he's got and at least he doesn't have to deal with the guilt at even LOOKING at his brother's face (the sunken eyesockets,,,, the uneven teeth,,,,, yeah no) because there's nothing there. horror doesn't have to do anything but keep his back turned to dust and just talk to papyrus through him
they both keep their backs turned to eachother when they do this because neither of them can stand looking at eachother. dust especially because hearing horror sound so much like how he was before. horror sounds so lighthearted and relaxed and just,,,,, normal that it almost reminds dust of himself. maybe if he closed his eyes and tuned out his own voice he could just imagine the moment being a conversation between himself and paps back then before he had to kill him over and over. dust doesn't want to have to look back and see horror's mutilated skull and his permanently replaced eye. he doesn't want the fake scenario he's choosing to indulge in right now to be broken
and then i think they talk like that for a long time; because horror has a lot to say to paps about himself and what he regrets and dust has a lot of reminiscing to do on the good old days before he lost himself :3
#this one is a bit more SERIOUS than i expected.... no funny little triglycercule rambling today for some reason.......#i do really like this idea though. it seems like one of the only ways that horrordust would bond in a more canonical sense#no they don't fall asleep in bed with eachother after this. in fact horror doesn't even say BYE when he leaves#they just move on with their lives afterwards and pretend none of it happened#and when they need it most then they can drop their guards ever so slightly at 2:30 in the morning through a fake middleman#horror doesn't like being this vulnerable around dust but he knows DAMN well the other won't tell#dust has no reason to say a thing about their midnight chats. maybe he just doesn't like being vulnerable at all#and it's true that dust wouldnt tell anyone because tbh he gets to ask horror things he'd ask himself#maybe he'd lie a bit here and there about what paps said so he can ask something like do you regret it after all this time#just to see if horror feels the same way that he does even though they have different circumstances#to see if the most sans-like in his eyes of the 2(3) of them can understand what he feels and understands how it feels#horror regrets it too but he's here and he did what he did. dust almost likes that he has someone to relate to him tbh#sometimes he needs to be reminded that he should regret everything he did especially when he feels manic or just apathetic#he probably needs the reality check and if horror isn't the most grounded out of the 3 i dont know WHO is (low bar but he is arguably is)#ok time to turn this into the mtt! killer SO bashes them for these little midnight rendezvous#makes SO many remarks about how theyre really pathetic for practically roleplaying a conversation between sans and papyrus#SO many jokes about what the two probably get up to in there. so many jokes about how this is some weird kink probably#but in the end despite all the shit talking killer's never been part of one of these conversations#in fact he doesn't even go NEAR dust's room late at night due to this#he just cant he doesn't want to. because if he hears horror's voice being so lighthearted and joking#and dust saying words that sound so similar to what papyrus would say (maybe he's even imitating his voice)#it would upset him a LOT. or maybe not? either way killer avoids that area like the plague when horrordust chat#maybe he'd sit down by the outside of the door when he's FEELING. killer won't let himself believe in the delusion dust and horror have mad#but he can't stay for too long because then dust and horror start talking about regrets and their wrongdoings and now he can't listen any#but either way i trio-fied it and that's all that matters!!! this might actually be one of my FAVORITE ideas i've ever cone up with :333#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#tricule hc
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the thing about me that i will say though, is that... i've never really thought about my pronouns, nor my gender really, i've just went with what i was referred to as i grew up because it never felt wrong at all, and it still doesn't.
but, with creating universe friday and being this anonymous... blob who could be anyone, look like anyone, sound like anyone, being referred to as the 'creator' and with they/them pronouns...
made me realise in a really weird way that i kinda fuck with that. but not entirely they/them pronouns on me, myself (at least not in a way i would push to be referred to as) but when people don't know me.
when people hear my name or a description of me and automatically call me by a 'gendered' pronoun i kind of hate it. not repulsed by it, but in a way that i almost want to be truly anonymous to anyone before they've met me. or even until i'm a lil closer to them. like i wanna be referred to as 'they' in the way you say, "who are they?" when you ask about someone who's gender you know nothing of. anonymity.
idk. there's just something that just feels so right about not being known and being allowed to pretty much have no gender or appearance. i fear this blog is teaching me more about myself than i ever would've expected Erm...
but also i feel like this happens every time the weather gets colder. does seasonal gender exist??? it does now. i just decided.
#the most lore drop you'll get from me#even though sometimes i do wanna say things about myself#how incriminating of me#this does not reveal anything about me at all#actually more reveals things to the irls who know this account whom i've never brought this up to before!#hey what's a better time than on my anonymous blog#eh i don't think any of them actually READ read it#fake fans really#but truly sometimes im like FUCK cause i can't say too much about me#well there are times where u can fully know where im based#u just gotta search for them now#but things like sexuality wise#having this platform i would love to talk about how my sexuality relates to my writing in the most unexpected way#but i fear i'd be saying too much .....#peace and love homies#i need to sleep#uni . tomororw. Eugh#universe friday#osemanverse#alice oseman#radio silence#aled last#universe city
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I remembered. It was about how I realized my one genuine most pretentious and fucked up trait is that I can't help but judge people based on what they're fascinated by but most importantly WHY it fascinates them. I try to tell myself it's not that deep but I can't help it. I think I'd feel better if I were one of those people that are really judgey on like, appearance or fashion sense or whatever because it's still fucked up but it's like NORMALIZED fucked up. You know what I mean.
#diary#and I feel out of place when I can't relate. even though I know it's ultimately a good thing to not judge others super hard#for what they look like. Cause I'm sure I do it too but I've noticed I care a LOOOOOT less#than the people around me do. And it makes me feel weird.#ALSO IT'S SOOO ANNOYING WHEN LIKE... you say Hey I don't think you should be saying those things#about that person's body/appearance.#then inevitably there's always someone like OHHHH everyone look they're sooo good and moral and above all of us 🙄🤪🤪#when you neverrr fucking said that. Like that's a lot of assumptions you just made
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I'm willing to at least hear out most of the "xyz plot point is heavily tied to abc cultural context" brands of posts but the "wwx isn't meant to be read as morally gray" and "the western fandom made up Sizhui being wangxian's son" brands of post make me feel like my cultural ignorance is being used to gaslight me
#mdzs#vent post#the filial piety stuff in relation to jgy is incredibly interesting and has influenced my opinion on him#being told about the whole mo dao vs gui dao thing was very helpful since that is completely lost in the english translation#whether or not wwx's self sacrificing tendencies are supposed to be a good thing is a conversation i find interesting#even though i haven't come to my own conclusion on it yet#but wwx not being morally gray??? bro was a major player in a war- no ones coming out of that spotless#i also just straight up don't trust y'all about what mxtx said on him being morally ideal#y'all take her words out of context or just straight up lie about what she said so often that#I can't take anything y'all “repeat” from her at face value. i need links to the sources before I'll believe anything#on Sizhui being wangxian's son:#thats so embedded in the text the only way I'd believe it wasn't the intended reading is if 7 seas straight up rewrote section of the books#because its more than just a few throw away lines and wwx calling him his little one#its sizhui being formally adopted into the lans (proven by the cloud pattern headband)#its the extra where they take him on a nighthunt/investigation without any of the other disciples#its the paying extra attention to his hw while doing the grading#its in the miscellaneous anecdotes Sizhui remembers from wwx even after he lost his memories from early childhood#its the baby stories and sizhui chewing on wwx's flute#its Sizhui's unconditional faith in the two of them#its in Sizhui's choosing the same instrument as lwj#that is their kid!!! not through modern western adoption but thats still their kid!!!#sizhui developing a close relationship with his uncle doesn't change that#Wen Ning is the cool untaking the lan babies on field trips. wangxian are the ones actually raising him#also mxtx has been pretty open about being influenced by things other than chinese classics#so using “well traditional Chinese story telling uses this convention” will never be automatically be the correct™️ take on her work#not to say her stories are completely devoid of traditional structures its just she mixes in other styles too
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Tbh I'd much rather your reason for shipping something is just "I wanted to" or "it sounded cool" or "I find it cute/hot" than "there is not platonic explanation for this"
#shipping#there is always a platonic explanation you cowards#this is about calron tbh#“Call literally risked everything to bring Aaron back from the dead there's no platonic explanation for that”#and Constantine did that exact same thing for his fucking brother.#and Alex did that exact same thing for the closest thing he had to a brother.#(even though those weren't successful resurrections)#“they're counterweights” SO WERE CONSTANTINE AND JERICHO#YOU'RE FUCKING POINT IS#literally 90% of arguments on why Call and Aaron can't be platonic are also things that happened between a pair of twin brothers.#I feel like if Constantine and Jericho weren't related everyone would say there was no platonic explanation.#like i don't mind calron. i dont personally ship it because they feel very similar to Constantine and Jericho too me#(Call having Constantine's soul and on multiple occasions comparing Aaron to Jericho in a “they're so similar”/“Aaron is Calls Jericho” way)#just say you find it nice to write or you think it's cute or hot or cool or they'd be a good match. idc.#just don't try to say there's not platonic explanation for this shit.#calron
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reading your eiffel posts feels like you have access to another plane where you get to observe him and take notes to bring back to us. factually correct information with such detail that surely could only be gleaned after spending hours in his presence.
this is such a sweet and funny thing to say, thank you!! that is kinda how it feels sometimes. i wouldn't claim to speak for eiffel or to know his innermost thoughts beyond a shadow of a doubt, but he does feel like a person i know well enough to make an educated guess. so often i will see things online and think 'i should show that to eiffel' as if that's a reasonable, feasible thing, like, he just exists in the same part of my brain i use to think about real life people that i actually know. and that explains at least a few things that are wrong with me.
#i will not say what i said to prompt this comment because it's kind of wretched but my friend once said something to me like#'you talk about eiffel like you live with him' and that made me laugh. well in a way i guess i do#<- person who listens to wolf 359 on loop forever and has thought about eiffel every waking moment for years#i need a real life boyfriend. i won't claim that will make me more normal but i can't go on like this#that's also one reason i find him easy to talk about though like. i feel like i have a good understanding of him but#i don't personally relate to him so i'm not worried about projecting. i'm just observing him in his natural habitat (dave & buster's)#(thank you; this also made me laugh)#asks
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