#can't lmao my way out of everything

[sathone]

.

[lizzybeeee]

Inquisitor: "Is there any way Solas can be reasoned with?"

Me after Solas has killed Varric, used blood magic on me, trapped me in the fade, created the blight, made the titans tranquil/fucked with the dwarves, started the chain of events that led to Southern Thedas being destroyed, and stealing all my good gear from Inquisition:

[butwhatifidothis]

I guess the ultimate thing that kills CF for me - or at least nudges it away from me saying I definitively like it - is just how much Edelgard is clearly written with the player in mind before she's written with her character in mind.

Because on all of the other routes, there's a power to Edelgard's presence. Even on BE, there's a sense that for as lonely as Edelgard might be, she still ultimately will do whatever it takes for her to get what she wants. Be that be killing her citizens (or otherwise letting them be killed), endangering her friends, assisting in kidnapping people, allowing Byleth to support her only when they have the Sword of the Creator, covering for TWS - no bar is too low for her to limbo under if doing so means she's even a step closer to her goals.

She's manipulative! She's deceitful! She doesn't care for the lives of her people! Even her friends are forfeit if they try to stand in her way! And this happens no matter how close you, the player, get to her, in the case of BE - C+ ain't stoppin' Remire, and going to the coronation ain't stopping the Holy Tomb.

And in the war phase, she is dominating the field. She has the Kingdom completely on the ropes, down to a few houses standing against Imperial rule, and the Alliance is stuck in neutrality - she may not be able to do much to it, but neither can they do anything to her (to say nothing of the Alliance houses who stand with her). She's far from the underdog in this race, and she shows off how threatening she can be.

CF? Her route?

She scweams at scawy rats. She gets embawwassed when you find her dwawings. She's just so wonewy, and she's just so gwad that you chose her. She somehow fails to capture Rhea, or frame Dimitri for regicide, and so now has to deal with that on the Kingdom's side of the war. But that doesn't stop Elly Welly-kins fwom twying to find her pwecious teacher, because you're just so important to her. She cwies and hugs you when you meet her in the Goddess Tower!! Because she missed you so much!!

It's like... Dimitri and Claude certainly show different sides of themselves on their respective routes. It's the whole point! You grow closer to them and thus see how they treat those close to them, as opposed to being the Kinda Neat Teacher they see run along every now and then. But, like... Claude doesn't become a blushing maiden whenever Byleth speaks with him on VW. Dimitri doesn't scream at scary rats and get called cute for it on AM. They don't get Basic Bitch Gap Moe Traits slapped onto them that are only ever shown to the player and only on their routes. Unlike Edelgard.

Dimitri's endearing trait is that he's this big huge dude who can bench-press forests and arm-wrestle god who still wants to learn to sew and who teaches kids to protect themselves and who buys candies for his friends. Claude's endearing trait is that he's this mastermind planner who has contingency and lie and obfuscation as three separate legal government names who still wants everyone to be safe and happy and hold hands and be friends.

Edelgard is strong, confident, and willing to do some of the shittiest things known to man for her goals. Her endearing trait is that her screams are cute. She's shy about her drawings of the player character. She blushes over the player potentially joking about having sex with her per her JPN version of her C support; you know, the one about how Byleth walks in on Edelgard muttering in her sleep from a nightmare about her tortured family? Perfect time to joke about fucking her! Dimitri and Claude's endearments are, well, endearing; Edelgard's are all straight up embarrassing for her.

Hell, even the smaller stuff is affected! Claude's passion for poisons and mushrooms are things he has no qualms about having others know about, despite how weird they are. Dimitri laughing at shitty jokes brings him no personal discomfort or embarrassment, despite just how loudly he laughs at them. They have traits to them that can easily be uwu worthy, and they don't care! Of the lords, only Edelgard does! Because, it feels like, the only way for a strong, resolute female character to come off as approachable is if she's knocked down a few pegs for specifically and only you, the player.

And that sucks ass! I'm sorry, but when I'm playing Edelgard's route I don't want to deal with her hiding herself away in her room for a month IN THE MIDDLE OF HER FUCKING WAR because she's just so embawwassed! It is so fucking insensitive that Edelgard is literally the only lord of the three who can have her trauma openly belittled at any point in the story by Byleth, all to have some cheap cutesy uwu moment about her fear of rats (calling her screaming in fear cute and INSISTING that it's really cute which is just. Fucking ew man)! Why can we fucking mock Edelgard's manner of speech during the MASSACRE OF REMIRE?

This shit doesn't happen to Claude or Dimitri! And saying "oh just don't pick those options then" is bullshit because no equivalent options exist for the male lords! It's piss-boilingly annoying that the second you choose to see things from the strong confident villainous ambitious female lord's perspective you can reduce her down to this bumbling moeblob just for you (sometimes unavoidably!) like!! Dude!

[seventh-district]

Sam: "Look at me. Hey- look at me a second. I know. I know you're tough. I know how strong you are. You have every right to be proud of that. But being able to handle somethin' doesn't mean you should have to. Least of all when I'm right here trying to help. Please let me help. If not for you then for me, because I don't like knowin' you're hurtin', especially when there's somethin' I can do about it."

Me, shaking my head, fighting back literal tears: "B-but it's gonna give you another headache!"

[purgaytorysupremacy]

oh nuts. a life experience has given me a new layer of perspective on Cas's homosexual declaration of love to Dean.

recently I had occasion to tell a person I had feelings for them knowing full well they didn't feel even a twinge of the same thing for me. while the whole thing was a decidedly unpleasant experience, I kept laughing at myself internally bc I didn't want to say "the happiness is just in saying it" like fucking Castiel over here. (we don't need to talk about it, it's fine.) (I am happier having said it and it's kind of bullshit, but I digress.)

because the thing is, the happiness isn't in just saying it, right? the happiness is in the having. I made a whole TikTok "proving" that the Empty didn't come for Cas when he confessed his love, but rather when he realized Dean loved him back. even for Cas, the happiness was in the having, not in the saying, however brief it was.

and I've always been one of those people who rolled their eyes at the whole concept. why would the happiness be in just being, in just saying it, if it's right there in front of you to have. and then it hit me like a tonne of bricks (as I was washing my kitchen counters).

Cas really didn't think he could have Dean.

at all. in any capacity. he really, truly, and honestly felt to the depths of himself that Dean did not have any twinge of similar feelings, that this really was a Hail Mary shot-in-the-dark. and I think me, personally, really didn't understand that about Cas. that his belief in his love being unrequited was that unshakable.

something else I've been pondering is how audiences have so much more empathy for fictional characters who share traits that IRL they find objectionable and unappealing. but the thing is about fictional characters is that we follow them around in their most private, vulnerable moments. we see Dean mourning Cas when he dies, literally killing himself because he can't live without him, but it's so easy to forget that we're the omniscient ones here.

Cas never knew.

Dean's whole thing was pushing him away, keeping him at arm's length, making it seem like whatever heroic thing he does for Cas he'd do for anyone. he downplays how important it is for Dean to share the Deancave with him, to show him his favourite movies, share his favourite songs. he acts like the things Cas does for him don't mean that much to hide how much they do mean. he uses "we" whenever he even gets in the vicinity of expressing a feeling. "We were worried." "We're glad you're back." "We needed a win." "You're our brother." The audience knew the difference. We saw how he'd clench his jaw or swallow hard or make a face that said "God, I'm being such an idiot". Because we saw him in those little moments. We got to see the cracks in the mask.

but Cas never knew.

the self-hating angel of Thursday was never going to think it was all a way for Dean to protect himself. obviously, that's the delicious tragedy of it all, but what I think I realized at the end of all that is Cas confessing his love to a Dean who didn't love him back wouldn't have worked. Because the happiness really is in the having. If happiness was just in saying it, then The Empty would have come before Cas even finished getting the words out of his mouth.

so Cas's plan wouldn't have worked if Dean didn't love him back.

this is just me yapping on about my own nonsense, but I do think it's really interesting. there's contentment in "just saying it". there's freedom and relief and an unburdening. I think one can argue that it makes being happy in the being easier. there is certainly some joy in telling a person you think that highly of them. but true happiness?

nah.

true happiness is always going to only be in the having. Cas didn't understand the difference until he experienced it, and by then, it was too late.

[pochapal]

some of you haven't experienced true hell until you end up drowning in Horrors and your only lifeline is an individual who completely sucks and only views you as a feelgood accessory to augment their own life and you can't seek anything better for yourself because there is a rot inside your body that you cannot fix and scares literally every other human being away no matter what you do so it's either settle for being shoved into someone else's myopic fantasy mold or let every minute of your life be ruled by unfathomable loneliness and terror. as you do.

[f-imaginings]

in terms of inspiration and such does it feel easier or more difficult to write as you inch closer and closer to weirdmageddon? or has it made no notable difference? you’ve been working on this story for so long so i imagine it must feel kinda strange to be getting so close to what might be the end of it!

-----------------

Another wonderful question!! You are so good at these!

I think my inspiration to write is more closely correlated to the comments and feedback I get for the story, so the more people who tell me they enjoy it, the more it inspires me to write, and I've had a wonderful abundance of attention since BOB so I am being spoiled every day by nice words. I think my drive to finish the fic is pretty sustainable at this point, and I'm already getting ideas for a sequel haha. Finishing the fic was my new years resolution (even though judging by past chapters, it's been taking roughly a month to churn each one out since they're so long and intricate) so it looks like sometime in the new year I'll likely finish the story, maybe around April or June depending on how I balance writing with my workload and social obligations. I'm determined to finish it though (so I can start a cathartic sequel hahah)

I think in terms of us being towards the end of the story though, I have noticed it's made a difference on how I plan out the chapters. In the past I had all the time in the world to build the story and relationships and take things in new imaginative directions, but with the end of the story on the horizon we're left with a limited amount of time to tie up all the loose plot threads. I am being a lot more deliberate with how I plan the chapters. I write notes about plot direction and what details to include for every chapter, and I find that with every chapter approaching the end I've been writing three lots of plot notes corresponding to each 'episode'. So there's the general overview of events from the show and what I want to include from Ford and Bill's perspective, and then there's the refined version where I drill down into what factors I want to explore for each POV (for example the notes for the next chapter include Kryptos' storyline, Ford's storyline and Bill's storyline) which really breaks down what plot beats happen in each POV, and then there's the order of the different plot points, so I can weave between the different POVs in a way that flows thematically and brings out the best contrast between the characters journey.

I try to pull together similar themes in each chapter too, so for example the last chapter had overarching themes (lmao I made myself laugh by saying the themes of chapter 61 were 'dogs' and 'what if my family secretly hates me' hahah) and then I try to place story beats from different POVs together in a way that the themes compliment or contrast each other - so for example in the next chapter the themes of finding purpose after being stripped of it will apply to characters we encounter during Kryptos' POV and during Ford's POV. I've got this planned out meticulously all the way to the end, but before I start each new chapter thats when my second and third plot plans come into place. There's just something about reading the work through again once it's been posted on ao3 that makes me realise what threads I want to pull into the next chapter and that means my second and third plots happen once the last chapter is posted. I also rewatch the show's episodes about a million times lmao and add to my notes about what little details I want to highlight and bring back from the old chapters, since this fic is technically canon divergent, not fully canon adjacent.

I get inspired all the time for this story though, from all kinds of places too. Lots of times from my work (since I work in a mental health org) or from therapy or my own reading. I attended a DSFV training session through work a few weeks ago and what I learned there gave me inspiration for how I want to tackle a possible redemption arc in a sequel, especially around cycles of violence and how it can relate to perpetrators. I'll talk about healthy relationships in my own therapy sessions, and I'll get inspired to work in stuff about relearning independence after codependency. I'll read a baller fanfic (usually from other fandoms since I've been saving myself to read all the billford fics after my fic is finished, because of that one time someone accused the fic of plagarism - but since most ppl have wised up to the fact that those claims were just one person being a big meany I've read one or two fics and there is some gold out there in the fandom!!! Like Theseus' Guide To Ruining a Perfectly Good Boat by @stump-not-found theres a few chapters out but I am loving the characterisation and how punchy the prose and stakes are!) and reading fic is a great inspiration, same with published works too, I'm currently reading Youthjuice by E K Sathue which does very interesting things with description.

Anywho sorry for the essay in response haha! You always ask such great questions jada! I just finished doing my second plot through for chapter 62 today too, what timing!

[californiaquail]

anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before

[ruvviks]

is this a safe space

[panncakes]

i have not stopped thinking about dare you to death since i've seen that pilot trailer thank you very much

[demonsfate]

like the whole point of jin's creation was that he's supposed to be a foil to kazuya, not the same. like kazuya was supposed to look at jin and see everything he could've been. jin was NOT supposed to look at kazuya and see himself because they've both hurt people. no, that ruins the entire point. that ruins the point that jin was raised with love, that jin knew what compassion was and kazuya didn't, that jin is what kazuya could've been had kazuya been given the same nurturing as a child.

the fact that tk8 had the whole jin looking at kazuya and sees himself, remembering the war, actually does ruin his character and everything he was supposed to be, and it's always mind boggling to me that a lotta ppl can't see that or some ppl legit believe that tk6 "improved" jin's character.

love him or hate him in the earlier tekken games, but it's objective that tk6 ruined everything jin was. what was once something original and different was made into something repetitive and frustratingly inconsistent.

[didderd]

Hi Alex! I was wondering what the boys would do if they were trying to go out with someone who's super oblivious (or maybe just thinks that there's no possible way that someone actually has feelings for them) and they just weren't getting the hint?

*pushes up my nonexistent glasses* heheh *starts clacking away at keyboard*

(gonna kinda mimic @/wishing-stones formatting style wif these sorta asks n harness their good writing energy)

(these got... super long, so under th read more 't goes. (fkn. Tou's and Snaps' take up my whole screen each. i have no self control lmao.) also jus a heads up. Snaps' mentions ~sexual relations~ lol)

----------

Tic is subtle and has a hard time being straightforward. He'd built up the courage to tell them several times, over several months. Each time, pushing himself to get less subtle about it.

The first few were mixed into bad jokes. "knock knock" "who's there" "a sphinx" "a sphinx who" "a sphinx I like you". Every time, they laughed and blushed, but then assumed it was just a joke.

The last couple of times weren't even mixed into jokes, yet they still assumed he was just messing around.

This time he goes all out. He brings them somewhere beautiful, maybe under a starry sky, and after watching the stars for a bit, he grabs their hands and tells them he loves them. And when they still don't believe him, he brings them close. Inches from a kiss, and tells them he's 100% serious. He shuts them up by closing the gap before they can deny it again.

Tac has been very obviously flirting with this person for about a month, but he guesses he flirts with a lot of ppl, so it's not too farfetched to think he's just like that, so he steps up his game.

He gets more romantic with it. He gets them flowers and asks them out. (He'd asked them out a few times before, but they thought he was just being his usual flirty self. Which wasn't entirely wrong, but doesn't mean he wasn't serious.)

When they think he's just messing around again, he pulls them in with a hand on the small of their back. He assures them that he's 100% serious, and brings them into a deep kiss.

Tou is already very physically affectionate with his friends. Anything they'll allow. Holding hands, kissing their forehead/cheek, friendship cuddles. But with his best friend/crush, he always lingers longer than with the others.

He's absolutely ecstatic that they like the physical affection, but he wants more. He kisses their cheek often, and wishes he were kissing just an inch or two over, but they just don't see what his constant physical affection and lingering touches mean, so he gets more verbally affectionate.

Tbh, his verbal affection was already strong too, so this doesn't do a lot either, but he'd thought if he's now constantly calling them cute, beautiful/handsome, stunning, etc, they'd get the hint.

One day he leans into them, grabs their hand, and calls them the most attractive person he's ever met. He thinks surely they'll have to get the hint now, but they still think he's just being nice.

He gets a little frustrated and picks them up, tossing them over his shoulder, and ports into his room. (He rarely ports outside of battle training.) He sits them on his bed and sits next to them, grabbing their hand and leaning in a lot closer this time.

He kisses their hand, not breaking eye contact for a moment. He tells them he loves them, and that he's not just being friendly, and once they finally get it, he brings them into his lap for cuddles.

Snaps honestly takes a very long time himself to realize he actually wants to be with this person rather than just fuck them. Anyone else would have realized he has feelings for them far before he did.

They've been friends with benefits for months before he realizes it (with some help from his boss).

Once he's done having a crisis about having emotions he was sure didn't exist in him, he goes straight to their apartment and tests the waters.

He makes them a nice breakfast before they get up (tics not bothering him this time, as he's too focused on making it good for them). He holds their hand while they watch TV instead of holding their thigh/waist. He kisses their hand before they leave for work, and sneaks in the pet name "honey" rather than the usual "bunny" as he sees them out.

All of this, they only seemed mildly suspicious of, or flushed at and waved it off, so he gathers that he has to go further with it.

When they get back, he greets them with flowers at the door, dressed well, in a nice button-up and some dress pants. (Tho, he's still wearing his fingerless gloves.)

He leads them to the table, where he'd set up a candle lit dinner. (Food delivered from one of their favorite places, bc he wasn't confident he wouldn't mess up a fancy dinner.)

When they assume he's just buttering them up to ask if they can do something new in bed, he chuckles and assures them this isn't about sex anymore (tho he wouldn't mind that after dinner). His eye light appears, and he leans in, grabbing their hands, and he tells them he wants to be more with them, that he thinks he loves them.

[goldkirk]

as I'm going back over my past history and items and journals and years, I come across all sorts of things, like the pencil I saved from that so-precious memory from second grade, and a pair of flip flops I've been missing for two years, and [checks notes] the modern-high-school-AU-kidnapped-by-a-serial-killer story I wrote in late high school jdfsjdfsjkjlksfd

[leafy-m]

I got Witch Hat Atelier Kitchen volume 3 a little early and guys.... GUYS!! THIS is what Kitchen in English should be like! 💥💝💖

If you like Orufrey, you have got to get volume 3!

[seekingthestars]

an update no one asked for:

called collision center and they were v nice, said i could bring car in later today or tomorrow instead, then rental car company called and they have to have an appointment time to make sure there's a car so i just said noon tomorrow bc i know my dad'll freak if i try to go today and i'm just sooooo grumpy bc we never freaking get snow anymore and the one time we do it royally screws up my plans to finally get my car fixed 🙃🙃🙃

[brittlebutch]

kind of astounding how innocuous conversations with my younger siblings can make me feel like dogshit... what are the good things about being the oldest kid supposed to be again??