#can't blame him for following the advice of experts

[slechterick]

also one of my cats just committed infanticide

[bethanydelleman]

Something I think about a lot is how in Frozen, Elsa and Anna's parents really wanted to do what was best for their daughters and they tried their hardest but they still got it terribly wrong. They tried to follow the expert advice and failed.

It makes me think of how all of our parents probably failed us in some way, more likely if you were neurodiverse or queer, and how I may be failing my own kids, but the intentions are entirely pure. The parents in Frozen wanted their kids to be safe and happy, they loved those girls to death, but they didn't know how to meet their needs effectively. The best advice at the time or maybe what they learned from their parents was dead wrong. And in Anna's case, it's more about how when one child takes up a lot of time and energy, another may be left neglected unintentionally. Parents with a high needs children and typical children cannot help this, a lot of them can't afford adequate help (in this case, they isolated Elsa for safety and Anne was forced to be isolated too).

The harm and pain matters, but I think the intention does too. If a parent did harm from a sincere wish to do good, it's very different from malicious abuse. Anna and Elsa's parents really wanted to do the right thing.

(I'm not saying anyone deserves to be forgiven, just that I feel a lot of pity for parents who try their very best but get it completely wrong. Also, that "wise" Troll gave super vague advice and I blame him primarily for how Elsa was raised)

[thelikesoffinn]

Hello Finn! You said you'd give advice for fanfiction, I think and I'm a bit desperate so I hope you can help me!

A follower asked me to write about Tav killing herself to be free from ascended Astarion and I have a lot of trouble with writing his reaction because I really don't know how he'd react to that???? It's stressig me out so much pls help me

Hello there, petal!

I think this ask has been sitting in my inbox for a while, I'm so sorry. I haven't been on top of it lately. (But I'm getting to it, I swear! I know a few people are still asking why I hate Astarions reaction to Tav's romp with Mizora and I'll definitely get to that, do not fret!)

But anyway, let's see how I can help, shall we? I did a bit of research and watched a ton of ascended Astarion content so that I could actually give you proper advice and ohhh boy, when I tell you that I've had clients like him before...blegh. But, as always, do take it with a grain of salt because I'm no expert. Just a social worker with a lot of time to watch vampire videos, apparently, haha.

So, to recap: Your Tav committs suicide in order to escape from ascended Astarions grasp. And I guess he only finds out after, seeing as you need his reaction, yes?

I can see why that would be stressful, but it's probably less because you really don't know how he'd react and more because there's a disconnect between the reaction he'd actually have and the reaction we all want.

As both a writer and a reader I'm not ashamed to admit that I'd want him to suffer. I'd want him to realise all his faults and where he went wrong and I'd want him to cry because he fucked it all up, so much so that he's now lost the one person that loved him despite everything he has done.

But with ascended Astarion, I don't think a reaction like that would be very likely. True vampires are a bit difficult when it comes to things like guilt and shame and loss, as in they don't really seem to take it the way normal people would.

Or, rather: They can't react to them the same way normal people would.

Where a normal person would go through an entire circle of mourning, a true vampire is probably going to throw a tantrum and create a demiplane that he can sulk in. (Looking at you, Strahd.)

Instead of sadness, It's very likely that he'd react with anger. A LOT of anger. The anger likely won't be self-directed - at most a little annoyance because he didn't lock them up harder and more securely - but it will most definitely be directed at Tav.

I don't think I need to explain that while ascended Astarion does not really love Tav anymore he does want them.

Tav is his. Their entire being belongs to just him. Only he get's to decide when and if they're allowed to die. They're his to destroy and his alone. So how dare they kill themself without his permission? How dare they take away what's rightfully his!?

And just as anger replaces sadness, it's very likely that blame overshadows guilt and shame. So he doesn't feel shame over how he treated Tav. He doesn't feel guilt over how he drove them to suicide. No, instead he blames Tav for their decision because they're spoiled and unthankful.

He is not the problem, they are. He gave them everything. Everything one could ever want, they had. He game them power. He gave them wealth. A palace. A life filled with all sorts of pleasure, right by his side. He granted them eternal fucking life. What more could they want? What more could anyone want? He did everything for them, and they threw it right back at him like a spoiled little brat. He should've been sterner, should've kept them on a tighter leash. Should have showed them his bad side so that they'd learn what staying on his good side meant.

The only thing he'd probably actually feel is loss, but once again... it'd be different. It's probably less the gut-wrenching feeling of loneliness that suddenly haunts you when you remember that you won't ever get to speak to someone again because they're no longer here and more the upset of loosing a beloved item. So more of a 'fucking hell that was my favourite fucking thing and now it's gone'. There'd probably be some despair in there because he can't simply replace Tav but that despair is, once again, likely tied to his possessiveness and not to true loss. He'd be desperate because he wants them - he wants them - but not because he's just lost the one he loves.

That's probably the reaction I'd expect of ascended Astarion and, as you can tell: It's not what one would expect of a fanfiction, yes? We'd expect the heartbreak and the sorrow, the guilt and the tears because we love Astarion and Astarion is supposed to love Tav. We want him to love Tav. And those who like him ascended want him to love Tav even as his ascended self.

Now, does that mean the reaction I described wouldn't make a good stroy? Absolutely not! In fact, I do believe it would be a nice switch up in between the very heavily romanticised ascended-fics because it adds that shot of realism. (As much realism as a high-elf-vampire can have, at least.)

So, what I'm trying to say is: Don't worry too much about what is "correct" and what isn't and instead focus on what you want to achieve. If you want to hit your readers with the sad truth of ascended Astarion, maybe go for the approach I described. And if you want to be a bit softer and more romantic, have the boy cry tears of woe.

Or you could go totally crazy and do both things - have someone watch him and describe how they see it - the points I just mentioned - but once you describe what's happening inside him, go full on romance novel and break our hearts!

Find your own path, petal, I'm sure it will be a lovely read either way!

[conspiritusnosterchorus]

 The uncircumcised heathen are "the sons of Belial" (ib. xv. 32). Jewish Encyclopedia I was accused of antisemitism when I quoted this article against some of the claims they made about "sons of Belial" and Belial himself. Not to mention I was accused of anti-islam when I said my ex is a muslim who harbors a hatred toward Christians (fact) so im not sure what was anti-islam about my personal relationship with my ex, it's the only thing i said "my ex is a muslim". The power of western-educated people that purport supremacy over other sources of information. i guess.

They also ignored my experience with other wives and consorts of Belial and claimed I'm level 2-3 possessed (as far as I know, this person wasn't a Catholic priest or anyone really, just a random person in a server) by Belial and told me i need to cut all contact with him. (Which is the leading theme of the spiritual harassment I've experienced, to cut connections and ties with Belial. but by this person to "help against alleged, baseless claim of being demonically possessed" - way to take the side of the harassers - to cut off the threat that can help against these problematic beings! or at worst, fear-mongering a severely ill person who has been unable to get psychiatric help and is so oversensitive to medication that can't be medicated - this is actually a fact, my psychiatric doctor told me there's no available medications for me to try anymore-- but go off i guess). Not to mention the idea they seemed to have, that all Christians and Jews worship the same God, instead of Christians worshipping a dead guy as a god, or like some theorize a Christian Egregore (which in my opinion each sect has their own version (egregore) of this Christian god - it's a stolen book and their own lore is all over the place and cherry picked - dead sea scrolls and all that isn't accepted from these writings into the official book and teachings). It's been told to me by several people how the Abrahamic God is an entirely different entity from the god(s) Christians worship and follow.

and then, I was supposed to comply to these strangers claims after trusting them with my experience. and because I according to them "didn't" they wanted to kick me out based on, quoting Jewish Encyclopedia, telling them my divergent experience of others who work (in very positive ways) with Belial - having dated a muslim and yeah, not taking at face value their 'advice from the expert' who is a total random stranger online refuting other sources and experiences. and ignored my very real situation of having tried to get all sorts of psychiatric help (depression, trauma, religious trauma, severe abandonment and excommunication by my birth cult and family, other trauma symptoms) for 20 years and then lastly being told "We can't do anything for you". sorry mates, if my doc says they can't do anything for me anymore, no amount of your "Have you tried to get medical help?" is gonna make me beat a dead horse more just to appease your egos.

but these people always do others a favor. i wouldn't want to stay in such a place that's so quick to cut people off and blame and accuse them irrationally. they're worst for mental health. I'm rather gone from such a place that feigns friendliness but is very quick to come up with excuses to get rid of people that don't dance to their "happiness woo woo" or whatever the heck it is. plus there was someone else who had a bad experience with them as well. i also feel bad now for having recommended them to someone.

not that the public craft spaces aren't also sanitized currently, sadly. compared to the diverse witchblr of ten years ago where people talked about all sorts of things from astral worlds to energy work experiences to realms and entities and other deep esoteric experiences that had less to do with what some people call "larping" these days and more to do with gnosis. way to shut down people's experiences truly. /rant end thanks for reading <3 best wishes from a girl being possessed by Belial for the past 26 years I guess :D what a lucky girl :3

[orange-catsidy]

hey do you have any advice for learning more about zack sabre jr? i’ve heard he’s gay to all his tag partners but that’s about it

honestly i haven't been following njpw for too long so experts are free to chime in but - basically zsj is a lanky british vegan socialist submission specialist

he has been called a "human udon noodle" and some of the names of his submissions include "you can't play conkers in england", "barry from eastenders", and "hurrah! another year, surely this one will be better than the last; the inexorable march of progress will lead us all to happiness"

he's extremely funny and one of his best promos is when he loses his mind blaming boris johnson for making him lose his G1

he's part of suzuki-gun and the team dangerous tekkers with his tag partner taichi. and yes, they are extremely extremely gay together

[stevolteon]

So the succession of boozy parties while everyone was supposed to be on lockdown and especially while the queen was mourning might just get rid of BoJo, but my question is; why this?

Some people credit him with sorting out Brexit, although I can't fathom why. Okay, he put himself at the heart of it by making a nonsense promise on the side of a bus, but when his side won he shrugged and said "well I don't have a plan, it's not my job to have a plan." But then he got made PM and it was now his job and he still didn't have a plan. He had a slogan, "get Brexit done", but it was more a case of "watch Brexit happen".

Some bafflingly laud his handling of the pandemic, apparently forgetting that in the early stages a) his "plan" was to achieve herd immunity by letting people catch it and b) he made a big show that he wasn't scared and would keep shaking people's hands - which led to him being I think the first world leader to contract Covid.

There then followed such a series of mixed messages that I can't really blame anyone for not taking government advice seriously. Even then, the party line was always less than what experts recommended. Most recently it's been just like Brexit, ignoring the hard decisions and letting events take their course. There was even a suggestion that BoJo is going to try and win back public favour by dropping what pathetic half-measures are still in place.

I just hope it doesn't work.

[rantingcrocodile]

Hello, it's the online man anon again. I read your answer and I can't thank you enough, I spent the entire day just sorta shell shocked but let your advice really sink in this time. Now I am just disgusted by him completely and I'm glad he's out of my life for good. To answer your question about why I would care so much about a man's opinion about my desirability... It's really because I've spent a lot of time in prior relationships where I got cheated on and abused, and would have people tell me that I'm not conventionally attractive. There's nothing wrong with how I look, and I take good care of myself via healthy eating, working out, sunscreen daily, etc. But I'm also a WOC and you know how that goes. :( I guess I just wanted to finally catch a break in the love department. I wanted someone to finally be crazy about me for once in my life. When I really stop to think about it, I'm shocked that I can safely say that I have never had anyone actually be in love with me before. Lust, sure, and maybe people had crushes on me... but that's not the same as actually loving me and deeply caring for me. I've never once experienced that. It's hard because I went heavy in radical feminism around the time I've met him, so I don't understand why I could not see his manipulation after all the books I've been reading about feminism and male violence/manipulation. But I think it all comes down to my own low self worth. I've spent many years with a violent narcistic man and I think the guy I was previously in love with also has narc tendencies. (He was super arrogant and seemed to not give a shit about anyone else but himself.) And to tie this up nicely, I think a huge reason why I keep getting hurt like this is because of also how I'm still apprehensive about completely accepting my bisexuality as a woman. I still feel disgusting and predatory and scary when I am around straight women, and I would feel like I should also apologize for my privileges around lesbians and feel ashamed of myself. It's sad but it's almost like only a man could accept my disgustingness because at least he could fetishize my attractions, know what I mean? Do you think bi women are huge targets for narc and sociopathic men? :/ How do we fight against this problem as a community? Again, thank you so so much, bless you, and hope you have a great weekend. x

I just hope that looking at this from another perspective can be of some use to you!

The most important thing to remember is that being any kind of radical feminist and knowing all of the truths about the world is not any kind of protection from abusers. You're still trying to tell yourself that this was your fault for not knowing somehow, but that isn't what happened at all. You could be the greatest expert into abuse and manipulation on the planet and still be abused and manipulated. People like that, men especially, will find some weakness and exploit it.

The most unfortunate thing is that if you've been abused before, then you're more likely to be abused again. Abusers are attracted to that kind of vulnerability. Manipulators latch on to it immediately, because they can start out being as near to "perfect" as they can to reel you in, and then the abuse starts. Because you've been a victim before and don't want to believe you've fallen into that trap, then it can be a vicious circle that is not your fault. Those abusers are always to blame, and you are never to blame.

It's not a surprise that you'll feel insecure about your body when you've had abusers deliberately target your looks like that. They do it on purpose, even to the most conventionally attractive, following-patriarchal-beauty-standards women, all to make women feel "lesser," and to believe that they're "lucky" to have the abuser give them even the tiniest scrap of attention. Plus, whether we know about radical feminism or not, we all experienced female socialisation and we all have internalised misogyny to try and work through, which is a life-long process, not simply the reading of books, you know?

It also doesn't help that bisexual women tend to have lower self-esteem, and bisexual WOC find the intersection of misogyny and biphobia even harder to bear thanks to the additional intersection of race. Those mixed oppressions are going to make things more difficult, especially when you're struggling with your bisexuality and have been taught that you're "evil" in some way purely because of your bisexuality. Bisexuals, after all, are treated as predatory and "bad" from all sides, both from heterosexual oppressors and from intracommunity bigotry that denies our oppression.

You are not "predatory" towards straight women, or anyone at all. You're only predatory if you target and want to abuse someone else. You're never "predatory" for simply existing.

One thing that you also need to let go of is the belief that you have "privileges" over lesbians, because you just don't. That's a lie. Both bisexuals and lesbians are equally oppressed, our oppressions simply look different. The uncomfortable truth is that the lesbians who deny that we're oppressed are biphobic and cannot stand the idea that they have to "share" being oppressed in public. That's all it comes down to. They've internalised the belief that it's their same-sex attraction that's the only thing that can be oppressed by heterosexuals, when the truth is that we're all oppressed for not being straight. If we were only oppressed for our same-sex attraction, then bisexual women would show that we're half-way between lesbians and straight women in studies about oppression, but in a fair few instances, we fare worse than lesbians.

Not recognising that you are as equally important is part of the reason that you feel "ashamed of yourself." That shame fuels your vulnerability, because there's a part of you that thinks that you "deserve" bad things happening to you for being bisexual. Once you accept that you're bisexual and you don't deserve bad things, that you do deserve equal care and support, then you stop hating yourself and you start feeling angry. That anger is the key to getting your power back. I know that sounds trite, but that's what happened with me and it's what's happened with other bisexual women.

How do we fight this as a community? We have to build a community. We have to create a branch of feminism for ourselves to build ourselves up. We have to bring bisexual women together to talk about our experiences and support each other. We have to work together to work on our boundaries and teach each other to demand better for ourselves. Then, we can stand up to biphobes and we can start making a real change. We have the numbers to stand up and make a difference, but only if we do it together. It's going to take time and it's going to take a lot of healing.

Whether that happens now, in a year, five years, a decade, longer, I don't know, but it is going to happen. It's inevitable.

Until then, I really hope that you consider joining the bisexual server to spend time with other bisexuals and be part of a safe community. The first step to anything is knowing that you're not alone and that there are bisexual women who have been exactly where you've been.

[trashboatprince]

How about for Crowley: A day spent with his plants but one is sick and instead of using demonic intervention he tries to nurse it back to health? In secret though cause can't let the other plants know he's a softie.

Ooooh! I love this idea! I’ve got just the thing for this! :D

Also, I don’t know if the neighbor under Crowley has a name, but since Neil confirmed that she’s who gets his plants when he ‘kills’ them, I’m putting her in this story and I’m naming her Mrs. Lulu Norris. 

--

This had never happened before, and Crowley was at a loss.

His plants were the most beautiful, vibrant, terrified in all of London! To find one of his spider plants in such a condition as this, wilting and looking like someone had completely forgotten about it for months, this was unacceptable! 

But... he felt terrible about it, the poor thing was a new plant, he had gotten it from Aziraphale, who had heard they made for lovely house plants and company and had got out of his way to give it to him as a gift. This plant didn’t know how things ran around here, and must have been sick when it was purchased.

Crowley didn’t blame Aziraphale for buying a sick plant, he probably had no idea. Crowley, however, could blame the greenhouse or store from which this plant was purchased from! They left the poor thing for dead like this!

Grabbing it by the hook of the plastic planter that it was in, Crowley gave it The Look, the one he gave to any and all of this plants that dared to get spots, or to not live up to their full potential. Or to that banana plant that got snarky with him.

“Ssssssuch a shame.” He hissed out, glancing at his other plants, who trembled with pure fear. The spider plant seemed... confused, but that was expected, it was new, just a week here, it didn’t know the laws of the apartment yet. “Not sure what to do with such a sorry, sad plant, too weak to even try and regain its beauty.”

He turned, walking off with the spider plant, hearing the rustling of panicked leaves behind him in the other room.

Suddenly, the spider plant and Crowley found themselves down on the next floor, in front of a door that was not dark and gloomy like Crowley’s, but bright and happy, with a cute sign on it that said ‘welcome friends’ in a rainbow font.

“Never speak a word of what happens here to the others, do you understand?” Crowley snarled quietly at the spider plant, that shook in terror before the demon knocked on the door.

“Just a moment!” Came from the other side, before the door opened. There was an elderly woman on the other side, wearing bright pastel colors, her hair even had streaks of pink in it, and she smiled brightly. “Anthony! Oh, how are you, darling!”

“Mrs. Norris.” He smiled back as her with ease.

“Oh, none of that! How many times must I tell you to call me Lulu!” Lulu, the elderly woman, laughed, motioning for him to come in.

“I know, but I like to give you a hard time. Where’s Gina?” He asked, following her inside, looking around.

“Running errands and then she’s got her yoga class.” Lulu replied, waving a hand, gesturing for him to take a seat on the couch in her living room while she went to get some tea made, not even asking if he wanted any. Crowley always said yes to his favorite neighbor, he never turned down a cuppa from her.

Crowley chuckled, Gina, Lulu’s wife, was always up to something, trying to keep up with whatever fads the young people were into. “Lu, I’ve got something I need help with.”

“Is it Aziraphale?” She called from the kitchen, not seeing the reddening of his cheeks at the mention of his angel. “Did you two finally get to talking?”

“Three dates now, but it’s not him.” He chose to ignore the happy shout from her, she had been waiting about fifteen years for him to finally ask Aziraphale out, so of course she was gonna be excited.

“Is it the plant?” Lulu asked, stepping out of the kitchen with a tray of tea. She set the tray down, looking at the poor spider plant that he had put on her coffee table. “Oooh, the poor thing!”

“Yeah, Aziraphale gave it to me as a gift last week and, sadly, it’s not doin’ so hot. Any idea what’s wrong?”

Lulu Norris was Crowley’s expert neighbor on plants, she ran the community garden of her old neighborhood for years, and she had quite the green thumb. He’s come to her for advice since she moved in. She’s also the one his ‘bad’ plants went to when he needed to teach the others a lesson.

She helped at the botanical gardens in the city and would either take his ‘bad’ plants off his hands for better homes there, or would keep a few for her and her wife to decorate their home with. He could see several he had brought here sitting in the windowsills from where he sat right now.

Lulu sipped her tea before looking over the plant. “Seems that whoever prepared this spider plant for sale gave it bad soil, oh, no wonder the poor dear is dying! Well, some new soil, some sunshine, and fresh water with nutrient boosts should do the trick!”

Crowley looked at the plant, gently touching one of the few green leaves it had. “So, it can be saved?”

“Oh yes, it’s still clinging to life, dearie, it wants to live.”

“Good, can’t have it die, Aziraphale would be so upset.” Crowley sighed, taking a long drink from his own cup. “Can you help me with it? I want it to look healthy for him, hell, I want it to be healthy for him.”

Lulu smiled sweetly at him. “Anthony, you know I’m always happy to help. Gonna keep it with me again, rather than upstairs with you while it’s in recovery?”

“Of course! I can’t baby it in front of the other plants, don’t want them seeing me go soft!” Crowley had explained to her how he ‘talks’ to his plants, and though she doesn’t find it to be a wise idea, she had seen the results and didn’t question him.

She did, however, tease him about it.

--

It took a bit of time, but the spider plant was clearly getting better, and Crowley was very proud of it for doing its best. He didn’t even have to use a demonic miracle or the like for it, didn’t even have to yell, it just wanted to keep going!

Good plant, clearly a smart one, Aziraphale knows how to pick ‘em.

And speaking of the angel...

“Oooh, look at you!” Aziraphale cooed as he spotted his gift in Crowley’s kitchen, hanging at the window, where it had just been placed there this morning. “You look so lovely there, I bet Crowley’s been treating you so well, yes?”

The demon in question snorted, waving a hand, mumbling something about how it knows how to stay healthy, if it knows what’s good for it.

Aziraphale smiled brightly at him, seeming to ignore Crowley’s mumbling. Crowley owed Lulu a lovely dinner for her and her wife for this. 

[d-noona]

MAKE OVER

Chapter 5: Jeon Jungkook

Jung Hoseok x Reader

Reader as Kang Hyeonji

SUMMARY: When Kang Hyeonji transformed herself into a striking redhead, the entire male population of Seoul stood up and took notice. But her make over was for Jung Hoseok’s benefit alone. He began to show interest in the new look but not in the way she wanted. Suddenly he was over-protective, perhaps a little jealous. It seemed that the idea of having a relationship with her couldn’t be further from his mind. The girl however wants more. So it was time for an ultimatum. If Hoseok didn’t want Hyeonji to lose her virginity to another admirer, he had no option but to make love to her himself.

Choon Hee grabbed her the moment she walked into the library, and dragged her down to the privacy of the back room. "I'm dying of curiosity," she said, quite unnecessarily, since her whole body language reeked of a breathless tension. "Did you doll yourself up like we told you to? Did you wear the perfume? Did you knock glamour boy for six when he came to pick you up?"

Hyeonji had thought about what she would tell the girls this morning. She'd walked more slowly to work than usual, mulling over whether she should lie or not. Now the moment of truth was at hand, and despite Choon Hee's eager face Hyeonji could not bring herself to make up a story.

"No I didn't doll myself up," she confessed, with a wealth of apology in her voice. "I didn't wear the perfume either, though it was a lovely though, Choon hee and I do thank you and Han Byeol for it. And as I'm sure you've guessed...no, I didn't knock Hoseok for six when he came to pick me up."

Choon Hee exhaled a huge sigh of disappointment. "Oh, Hyeonji! How many chances like that do you think you're going to get?"

"Actually, last night wasn't a total disaster. Hobi did notice at last how much weight I'd lost. He also told me I had a nice figure and good legs...for someone so short."

"He did? Wow! You must have been thrilled to bits" she says.

"It's not quite good as it sounds," Hyeonji said ruefully, then went on to tell Choon Hee exactly how the compliments had come about. She listened intently, her eyes rounding further with each new revelation. "You mean he thinks you're in love with someone else? This guy he dubbed as Mr. X?"

"Uh-huh..." Hyeonji nodded.

"And he told you how to dress so that you would be more attractive for another man?"

Hyeonji again nods.

"I'd like to strangle him with my bare hands!" says choon Hee in annoyance.

"Don't blame Hobi. I forced him into it." Hyeonji automatically defends her best friend. "Rubbish! That man is a blind fool! Oh, poor baby."

"Not poor baby, at all Choon Hee," she returned with a very firm resolve. "Because I'm going to do it. Follow all of Hoseok's suggestions. But not for him, I'm going to do it for myself." She smiled at her friend. Choon Hee snickered at Hyeonji "Go on with you! You're not!"

"Yes I am"

"You're going to cut your hair short and dye it red?" as choon Hee's eyes grew rounder in shock. "For starters. So do you happen to know a good hairdresser who doesn't cost the earth? Also where I might find a make-up expert who gives free advice and tuition?"

Choon Hee's dark eyes twinkled with excitement "I certainly do. But gosh, Hyeonji, whatever is your mother going to say?" Hyeonji wasn't sure. But she would find out that evening. To be honest, the prospect was a daunting one. It wasn't like her to make waves. Or to do something as bold as this. But she was determined to change herself, and her life...whatever the cost.

Fortunately, she had a few bucks placed away for emergencies –and which she would use for her first visit to the hairdresser, and some make-up. Still, if she was to find enough money from their tight budget for regular visits to the hairdresser and a whole new wardrobe, then some changes would have to be made to their day-to-day lifestyle.

Her own salary was almost totally eaten up with the two mortgages her father had taken out shortly before he died, and her mother's pension barely covered their living expenses and other bills, with little left over for luxuries.

Hyeonji waited till after dinner before she brought up her plan for her future, and was not really surprised when her mother reacted badly. "But why do you want to change yourself so dramatically?" Zil asked in a tremulous voice. "I don't understand. This isn't like you at all!"

"Mum," Hyeonji returned patiently, "I'm twenty-three and I have not had one single steady boyfriend in my life. I do not want to become an old maid. I want to get married one day and have a family of my own. To get married I need a man, and to get a man I need to do something about attracting one."

"It's not any man you want to attract, missie,"came her waspish accusation. "It's Jung Hoseok. You were perfectly happy till you went out with him last night and now you've got all these silly ideas in your head."

"They are not silly ideas," Hyeonji said more sternly. "Yes I do have feelings for Hoseok. I always have had. I won't deny it. But you were right when you said he'd never fall in love with me, he thinks of me as a kid sister. But that doesn't mean I'm going to spend the rest of my life pinning after him. Since men don't exactly come flocking to my door, I aim to get out and about a bit more, and I aim to look darned good when I do so. Looking good costs money, which brings me to my first suggestion. What do you think about selling this house and buying something smaller? The mortgages are killing us."

Her mother gave her a truly horrified look. "Oh, no! No, no, no! I love this house. It's all I have. You can't ask that of me. You can't!"

Hyeonji relented and moved straight to plan B. To be honest she hadn't really wanted to sell. As much as she'd told both Choon Hee and her mother that these radical changes were for herself, she still wanted to see Hoseok's reaction to the finished product. Silly of her perhaps but a fact. "Okay, forget selling," she said briskly. "My alternative suggestion is that we advertise for a boarder."

"A boarder!"

"Yes. We have four bedrooms in this house, Mum, two of which are never used, the master bedroom being one of them. You could get money for that room. It has an en suite, a dressing room and lots of space." As Hyeonji tries to debate with her mother. "Oh, but I couldn't have some strange man living in your father's house and sleeping in his bed!"

Hyeonji prayed for more patience. Her mother's devotion to her father had increased considerably since his death. Couldn't he remember what a selfish bastard he'd been? How he'd wasted all her inheritance from her parents on one stupid get-rich schemes? Worst of all, how he'd often come home late, smelling of booze and cheap perfume?

"You don't have to have a male boarder, Mum. I'm sure there are plenty of widows around your age who need accommodation. It would be company for you as well," Hyeonji pointed out. "I am not going to be at home as much as I used to be."

Zil opened her mouth to protest again, then closed it, her expression petulant. She looked like a sulky child sitting there. Hyeonji felt sorry for her but knew she had to make a stand or her future would be as dull and dreary as she'd been fearing. "Do I have your agreement to put up an add next Wednesday's paper?"

The following day Hyeonji did what she was set out to do, though bombarded with the previous argument she had with her mother, who is still insisting on not getting any boarders, Hyeonji was persistent.

"I can't believe it's me!" Hyeonji exclaimed delightedly. "You're a genius, Taehyung!"

The hairdresser's smile carried a delicious satisfaction. "I must admit I have outdone myself this time!"

Hyeonji beamed anew at this striking and sophisticated-looking creature who was staring back at her in the mirror. She turned her head from side to side and watched the smooth coppery cap shimmer and sway and fall perfectly back into place. "This particular cut will give your hair body and style," Taehyung had pronounced reassuringly while he proceeded to shape her hair while layering the top concentric circles of from her crown. Hyeonji now had a stylish fringe down to her eyebrows, the effect being to diminish the size of her face and nose, and highlight her deeply set hazel brown eyes.

The new coppery color besides being eye-catching in itself, was a perfect foil for her pale skin, giving it a translucency and delicacy which has been lost against her mousy brown hair. When Hyeonji stood up she saw delightedly that the clean lines made her neck look longer and even more elegant.

"You look really different, I mean you're such a babe. If I weren't gay and totally in love with my partner Jimin, honey. I'd bring you home." The hairdresser said, shaking his head admiringly. "Taller too."

Hyeonji chuckles at Taehyung. "Yeah, I think you're right. I do look different," Hyeonji said excitedly. "Oh, Taehyung how could I ever thank you? It was so kind of you to fit me in your schedule tonight."

"It was my pleasure. Now how are you going to get home?" Taehyung asked once Hyeonji had handed the money. "I'll walk it's not that far." Taehyung lived less than a block from the library, which was only a fifteen-minute walk from her house. Taehyung frowned. "Do you think that's wise? It's Friday night, you know."

"What do you mean?" she asked inquisitively.

"People let their hair down on a Friday night around here. You'll have to walk past the bar on your way home, won't you?" says Taehyung. "Yes" Hyeonji responds.

"Then you better watch yourself. You're not exactly inconspicuous with that new red hair you know." Taehyung's warning startled Hyeonji. She'd never been hassled by unwanted male attention in all her life and simply could not anticipate that a mere change in hair color would create trouble for her, especially when she was still dressed in her library uniform.

But she was wrong.

She'd just passed the tavern and was halfway along the past stretch which followed the railway line when a hotted-up Chevie full of less than savory individuals rumbled by. "Hey babe!" one of them called out.

Hyeonji averted her eyes and crossed the road as soon as they passed by, then nearly died when she heard the tires screech as the driver executed a U-turn. Before she could blink, the car was cruising along next to her and an obviously drunk, loud-mouther lout was leaning out of the passenger window in her direction.

"Where you going baby?" he said breathing beer fumes in her way. "Wanna ride?"

She quickened her step and kept her eyes straight ahead. "What's the matter? You think you're too good for us? Fellas, you think we should teach Madam here a lesson or two?"

Her mouth dry with fear, Hyeonji was just about to run for it when a sleek black car shot around the Chevie and pulled up dead. The driver of the Chevie had to brake hard to avoid a collision and the man hanging by the passenger window almost tipped out onto the road. When a tall dark haired man dressed in black jumped out from behind the wheel of the black car and began stalking back towards Hyeonji's verbal assailant, the man shouted something and scrambled back into the vehicle, spun around and roared off.

Her savior curved his big hands over her shaking shoulders and peered down over her pale face. "You all right there miss?" he said. It was only then that Hyeonji recognized the identity of her rescuer.

It was Jeon Jungkook.

"Yes I think so," Hyeonji says in a breathless hush. "Thank you so much for stopping, Jungkook." His surprise at her for knowing his name was obvious in the jerking back of his head, and the widening of his dark eyes. Hyeonji would've gratified if she hadn't still been shaking like a leaf. "It's Hyeonji," she said "Kang Hyeonji"

"Hyeonji?" His startled gaze lifted to her hair, then swiftly ran down her body and up again. "Good Lord, it is you. I didn't recognize you with that stunning hair, and you've lost weight too, haven't you?"

"A little..."

His smile took on a knowing edge as he looked at her up and down again. "More than a little. You're looking fantastic. Too fantastic to be walking down these streets at night on your own. No wonder you almost got yourself into trouble. Come on, I'll drive you home."

After her frightening experience with those creeps Hyeonji wasn't about to refuse. She wouldn't have been human either, if she hadn't been flattered by Jungkook's compliments by her appearance, and by the way he kept looking at her.

His touch seemed gentle and solicitous as he helped her into the passenger side of his roomy black sedan, but when he sashed the seatbelt into place for her Hyeonji was quite sure his left hand deliberately brushed over the tips of her breasts. She stiffened inside but said nothing, ignoring his attempt to make eye contact at the same time. Creeps came in various forms she thought ruefully. It was obvious that outright rape wasn't his thing. Silky smooth seductions and one night stands where his forte. He would use his golden tongue to talk his way into a girl's bed. Hyeonji decided not to get carried away with Jungkook's words of praise. She didn't doubt she looked better with her new hairdo, but she wasn't competition for Tinashe just yet.

They were only a minute away from her home by car, but Jungkook didn't waste a second, bombarding her with questions designed to elicit the only information from a female he would want to know. How old was she exactly, where did she work these days. Did she have a boyfriend? Unfortunately Hyeonji didn't realize where Jungkook was heading till she told him several truths with naïve honesty.

As soon as he pulled up the curve outside her house, he turned and asked her if she would like to come out for a drink with him later that night. "I could pick you up at say...ten thirty?"

Hyeonji might've been inexperienced with men but she knew that to agree with such invitation at that hour of the night was to agree to more than just a drink. She didn't doubt that she'd get a drink. Plenty of them. And all of them alcoholic. Then, when she was suitably plastered Jungkook would take her back to his orgy palace for a night of raw naked sex. The very thought of Jungkook naked gave Hyeonji chills down her spine. He had a great body, facially he was very handsome, no doubt a lot of women fancied his darkly macho appearance with that playboy bunny smile of his, but Hyeonji preferred Hoseok's fairer more elegant looks.

Her favorite fantasy always included running her hands through his silky black hair and over his smooth chest. It turned her on just to imagine touching his body, whereas the thought of touching Jungkook's made her skin crawl.

"Thank you Jungkook," she said politely "For everything, but I'm sorry I can't. Not tonight."

To give him credit he took the rejection well. His black eyes glittered with undeniable confidence as he smiled over at her. "That's all right, another time maybe?"

"Perhaps," not wanting to be rude to her rescuer. "I'll call you," he said then started the engine and left.

Chapter 06

Masterlist