#can't believe 2024 is 3 months away now

[fairydrowning]

– Ariel Dimitri, Instagram account "dimoetry"

[TEXT ID: "I hope October brings you peace — I hope it brings you a chance to feel more alive, to see something from the skies and birds, and pay attention to how the butterflies fly away beautifully from one flower to the other one. I hope October brings you another reason to be thankful. I hope October shows us some people who love us to have lunch together, share your meals together, and to love, to dance, to laugh and move on. I know you are trying your best right now. I hope October brings you luck to notice something, feel something, and carry on." END ID]

[clemswinecorner-socials]

august to november [w2s]

yourusername

liked by tobjizzle, taliamar and others

yourusername slipped away like a bottle of wine tagged yourfriends, wroetoshaw, behzingagram

posted august 31st, 2024

sidemenfan the sidemen party oml wroetoshaw can confirm plenty of wine bottles slipped away follower lost in the memories ! chrismd10 t swift caption but no eras pictures, fake fan

yourusername i literally made a seperate post for that

miniminter another summer for the books!! youruserfan a good month for sure!! bestfriend you stay iconic !!

... view more comments

yourusername

liked by chrismd10, zerkaa and others

yourusername dates this september <3

posted september 16th, 2024

taliamar so when's the double date bestfriend stop making me jealous bae

yourusername no one can beat our bestie dates love

follower a softlaunch?! w2sfan the golfing date?? the pants??? miss girl we see you randomfan bye i want someone that goes on this many dates in a month with me teach me ur ways

yourusername nights in are key!!! treat them like a cute date night even if you're just watching a movie or playing a game, just the coziness of it is enough to make it cute <33

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yourusername

liked by miniminter, behzingagram and others

yourusername happy anniversary you doof. shout out to his exes for doubling and giving it to the next person, I would like to keep him now tagged wroetoshaw

posted october 27th, 2024

tobjizzle 💙💙 randomfan i can't believe their hardlaunch is an anniversary post

otherfan she posts him all the time we all knew 😂😂 randomfan yeah ik but they never officially said it

wroetoshaw happy 3 years x randomfollower happy anniversary to the cutest couple freyanightingale parents!!! happy anniversary <3

yourusername we're literally younger than you guys but thank you darling taliamar mother calling you guys parents... but she's right you are

... view more comments

yourusername

liked by wroetoshaw, vikkstagram and others

yourusername happy birthday h. please keep being your weird sunshine self until we're old, I can't imagine you as a grumpy grandpa. love you Mr wroetoshaw tagged wroetoshaw

posted november 24th, 2024

wroetoshaw ❤️ thank you follower oh im obsessed with them ksi happy birthday brother @/wroetoshaw familymember happy birthday harry! randomfan the 0.5s are sending me ethanbezhinga all these weird pictures and he still looks better than I do in faiths post for me

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[fromdarzaitoleeza]

Ahh it's the last day of 2023 already?

I am expecting a call from a friend although the possibility of this happening is very slim it always felt nice to hear the voice of an old friend ( I'm not a text person I've realised this over time but I am stuck to be a text person) .

I can't wait for spring to come in 2024 , spring provides an intense amount of healing to my soul.

The next four months are very crucial in my life if they go well I can survive the rest of the year, I have died a couple of times this year and I am amazed that I am alive i didn't honestly thought i would make it to the end of this year ( especially in the last 3 months , I badly needed help but i didn't wanted others to pity me so i spoke to none about it ) anyways I don't want to talk about it , i don't want to make it sound blue than it already is,a i am really sorry about the fact all my posts are blue I sincerely wish it wasn't that way( altho i haven't posted anything here with as much as devotion I use to do , partly cuz i created an Instagram acc but that's not all reason I ve been sad nonetheless) and sorry for all the "anon/asks" that i haven't answered

I have made no achievements this year and there is little to no progress towards my self love or self growth, but I think that's okay I can do it in the upcoming year, time flies so quick i can't believe Its been so many years since I was 16 I miss being 16 honestly I had more in me back then than i have now , i have lost of confidence my vision and my smile over the years it's as if I am very different person now , i certainly wish I wasn't this way i really thought i would be so much more and better in my early 20s but it is what it is , acceptance is haredest of all emotions in my opinion , you know things are harder to accept when you know you could have done better .

Just like in the last 2 years even this year I didn't make any real life friends with whom I can hang out with i think it's partly due to the fact some people are destined to be alone and I am afraid to admit I am one of them , I did make 2 online friends this year .

I don't want to share any life lessons i learnt this year but if there is something i would love to share is choose yourself one more time each time you feel it's the last time you are doing it , choose one more time to live,one more time to hope, one more time to have faith , one more time to start again [ the fact I am the one telling you this is rediciculosly funny ] .

Unlike most people i don't have a lot of goals for the new year I just got things i want to avoid ( idk if that's the same thing?) Avoid my leftover heart's heartbreak, avoiding what takes away my peace, avoiding what can cause me discomfort, avoiding things that make me question myself ( in any negative way) ,i think that's a little too much but that's it .

As I was writing this Google photos sent me a notification saying " 3 years back today with a photo of mine " and it broke my heart a little, now I am questioning myself how did i let so much happen to me , I wish I treated certain things as the last time instead of always stupidly believing in future ( my worse trait yes).

There is a lot to say as always, i wonder if I open my mouth i would never stop sharing things that go inside my mind , but i also know there is no use of it if i can't find people who can understand it , maybe that's how I end up ranting here .

Not to mention I love people who are patient, i believe in the near future i would only like to talk with people who could be patient with me and with my silence . I believe everyone deserves people who can be patient with them .

Nothing really matters in the end but at the same time everything you do matters ❤️‍🩹

[thesensteawitch]

What 2023 taught you? {A Nostalgic Hit!} 🎯👀

Pick A Pile Reading

(Left to Right- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)

Hey, Senstea Souls!

Welcome to another collective reading. Here you'll get a glimpse of the year 2023 and what it taught you. Also, a tip for 2024 is given at the end of each pile. I hope you find the reading helpful!🤍

Please DM me for personal reading.

Booking Form|Rate Card

A Nostalgic Hit! + One Line Guidance For 2024

Pile 1

Tarot Cards- King of Wands, The Wheel of Fortune, 10 of Pentacles, Page of Wands, The World, 5 of Pentacles

Animal Spirit- Beaver

Well, pile 1 I see that this year has taught you to come out of the cyclical nature of your mind. This year taught you to be more focused and detail-oriented. It showed you intricate details especially when you were struggling. At the beginning of the year, you were okay with being in a box, in your own tiny space. But the scope for your growth became stagnant. You may have had anger outbursts. The dream you had somehow shattered because a new dream was emerging. You were coming out of your cocoon. Achieving goals became impossible to imagine. But you were divinely pushed to have hope and keep believing in the impossible even though it seemed delusional. And as the year started to approach its end you started to see some clarity. Without knowing you become the master at what you do. Something didn't work out the way you wanted it to but it worked out completely different from your imagination. Some of you may also have felt stuck in family dynamics and now I see healing in that area. You fought so many battles within a year. You broke more than one cycle this year. Wow! You were being prepared for the ultimate abundance that you deserve. Something in your DNA needed to be changed. Something significant happened during April, May, and August. No matter what you did you found yourself coming out of one circle to entering into another one. But now this cyclical process is over! You did it! You learned the importance of planning and understanding life as a whole. You learned the true value of actions and what's the best way to make long-term plans work. Some of you were looking for financial stability which impacted you emotionally. But now I see you are almost out of the lack phase and are entering into the phase of abundance.

One line tip for the next year:

Tarot Cards- 4 of Swords, 3 of Pentacles, Knight of Cups

Don't settle for breadcrumbs or stay in a relationship more than you should. (Strong Earth energy I can sense.) There's a soulmate out there waiting for you to come out of the relationship trauma.

Get your 2024 blueprint and be extra prepared for what's coming. (With Remedies/Recommendations)

3 Months- $10

6 Months- $20

9 Months- $30

12 Months- $40

DM me to book your reading!

Pile 2

Tarot Cards- Temperance, The Hierophant, 7 of Cups, 6 of Pentacles, 8 of Cups, The World

Animal Spirit- Owl

Hello, my dear pile 2. I see that 2023 taught the true meaning of give and take. It taught you how to balance. It taught you that you too deserve to receive love and effort. It taught you to walk away from anything that is not helping you grow or relationships that are keeping you stagnant. You learned the truth of selfless service. You can discern better when it comes to your emotional mind. Now you know what being at peace truly means. Something major might have happened around August. Perhaps, you found the courage to let go. You've freed yourself from always being in your head. You have learned so much that now you are capable of guiding others. You are finally gaining the light that shines within you. For some of you, I feel as though you have understood relationship and friendship dynamics pretty well there's still something lingering around that you need to deal with. There's something you still can't let go of or stop wishing for. There's a wish that you are attached to and you need to let go of the attachment. As soon as you become happy without the idea of having it you'll see it coming. This year brought you closer to spirituality but you still have a long way to go. I hear, “August slipped away like a bottle of wine 'cause you were never mine.” For some of you, I see that somewhere you still hope for someone to change. Perhaps, somewhere deep down you are pretending that you are over someone but you truly aren't. This year taught you a lot in terms of relationships and I hope you carry forward the lessons into the next year as well.

One line tip for the next year:

Tarot Card- Death

A spiritual transformation is coming your way. You may need to let go of something that might hurt you but it will be needed.

Get your 2024 blueprint and be extra prepared for what's coming. (With Remedies/Recommendations)

3 Months- $10

6 Months- $20

9 Months- $30

12 Months- $40

DM me to book your reading!

Pile 3

Tarot Cards- Queen of Pentacles, 8 of Swords, 6 of Swords, 5 of Cups, The World, King of Pentacles

Animal Spirit- Hyena

So my dear pile 3 I sense some conflict between your divine counterparts (Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine). Some of you may be questioning your identity. You thought you were over something but then suddenly this year made you realize that there's more to this world and there's more to you. It was uncomfortable for you to accept yourself. For you, there was no way out of this misery. The problem is that you let the situations define you, and others' opinions define you. You didn't move based on your choice but you moved or made a decision based on what others perceive of you so that you still can be loved. You were or still are trying to prove something to the world. I hear, “You make me glow but I cover up won't let it show.” I am sorry to say but I see that there's a huge lack of self-love here. And you are still making peace with yourself. You are still learning to accept yourself. But the good news is that this tough cycle is about to end as the Capricorn season ends in January. Slowly but steadily you'll be out of this mess. You will find the courage to take the action. You need to. And you must. This year taught you what it looks like to see and feel the truth. It might have been uncomfortable but was necessary for your growth. You've suffered on the soul level and it's time that you take the right action and not what the world deems right.

One line tip for the next year:

Tarot Card- The Star

Deep down you wish to love yourself and that wish is coming true. Stay true to yourself.

Get your 2024 blueprint and be extra prepared for what's coming. (With Remedies/Recommendations)

3 Months- $10

6 Months- $20

9 Months- $30

12 Months- $40

DM me to book your reading!

[justjams2003]

Fast Pace- 15

I'd just like to thank @multi-universe21 for the Spanish Translations for these last two chapters.

The last one guys! This is the very last chapter! I can't believe it. I've been putting off posting this all day, because I'm so sad that this is over now :( Keep in mind, my request are always open. And I'll miss all you pookies so much 🫶. Follow if you'll miss me too, or don't. 🫶

Summary: You're a hard-working Chef in Paris and after a freak accident run-in with Carlos Sainz, your life makes a 180. Let's just say with a certain agreement, you get your bills paid and in return stand in as Carlos' girlfriend for the press. But will you be able to handle the pressure and ensure the lines don't blur?

Pairing: Sugar Daddy!Carlos Sainz x Sugar Baby!Reader

Warnings: I've aged up Carlos, he is 33 in this fic. Smut (Actually this time!!), sexual themes, age difference, manipulation, control, slight obsession, the word 'daddy', nudity, i guess Instagram posts?? Angst! Lots of it! Tell me if I missed any

Taglist: @httpjeonlicious, @f1lov3r, @messersandmesses, @hollie911, @oriconde08 @thehufflepuffavenger1 @fanboyluvr @thatgirlmj @whyamireadingthis @oriconde08 @depressedriches @roseseraj @skepvids @sain55wifey @distinguishedvoidlady @amatswimming @sachaa-ff @lightdragonrayne @lazybot @formula1mount @fangirl-dot-com @saintslewis @carlossainzwho @lordpercevalcharles @topguncultleader @kitixie @serp3ns0rtiae @hangmandruigandmav @therealone4r @keii134 @dark-night-sky-99 @jax-the-oregonian @hachrinnen @formulaal tjdjindahouse

Word count: 4.3k

Masterlist

Part 14

Y/N'susername 12 January 2024

Liked by CarlosSainz55, Charles_Leclerc, Alexandrasaintmleux, francisca.cgomes, LandoNorris and 1,647,903 more Some might say it’s too fast, but you and I have always loved a fast pace. Tagged: CarlosSainz55 Comments: CarlosSainz55: So obsessed with you. I love you so much. <3

Charles_Leclerc: So happy for you two <3

Alexandrasaintleux: You’re gonna be a Sainz before the end of the year!

LandoNorris: Well done, @CarlosSainz55, you found someone who will put up with you like I do…where’s my proposal? CarlosSainz55: You’re not as pretty as her. 🤷 LandoNorris: A dagger to the heart😭

Comments have been limited.

Y/N'susername 6 March 2024

Liked by CarlosSainz55, Alexandrasaintmleux, francisca.cgomes and 198, 379 more Working hard or hardly working? The first option. Tagged: Francisa.cgomes and CarlosSainz55 Comments:

CarlosSainz55: Missing you so much already, mi futura esposa. Y/N’susername: I haven’t been this far away from you since we met😭

Francisca.cgomes: Already having so much fun with you!

Francisca.cgnomes: @CarlosSainz55, you’re all she talks about ✋ Y/N’susername: Nooo, don’t expose me😭

Comments have been limited.

The cold air hits your face, you don’t remember Paris being this cold. It doesn’t help that the dress you’re being fitted with doesn’t do much for heat. You pull the coat you’d been given closer to your body. It’s luckily big, Dior doesn’t want any paparazzi seeing their opening outfit.

You’re exhausted, it’s two days before fashion week starts. You’ve been pulled into a million places, auditions, fittings, rehearsals and everything in between. The cold air makes you crave a cigarette so badly. Not only that, you miss Carlos more than anything. You haven’t seen him in a month. You call almost every night, but it still isn’t enough. When he’s busy, you’ll play the Ferrari video again. He isn’t himself, but it is close enough.

You can hear someone calling your name but assume that it’s the same people who have been calling you all day. That is of course, until someone grabs you from behind and turns you around to face them.

Your fight or flight kick in before you can even see who it is. Your arms flail and your legs kick in all different directions. Not really caring for the pins stabbing into your side. Where are Otis and Brutis when you truly need them?

“Y/N, Y/N! C'est moi! C’est moi!” You know that voice, you know that accent, you know these strong arms. Your kicking stops, but your screaming doesn’t. “Bérenger! Let go of me, you fucker!” He does, he drops you right as you are. You don’t even turn to him, your bare feet hit the pavement with some speed. Before you can even open the door again, he stops you once more.

He calls you again, but this time you turn to him with fury. “Don’t you remember? I’m a whore, and a slut who sleeps with pedos?” You can see your brother bite the inside of his cheek. “What? You were so opinionated when Jean was disowning me! Now, you have nothing to say?” You scoff at his utter silence, but it doesn’t last long.

“Nothing I say will make you believe me, so I’ll just show you.” He pulls out a phone and shows you an image. “What the fuck is this?” He sighs at you refusing to even look at his phone. “It’s a picture of Carlos at the restaurant where you worked, three months before you actually met.” You trusted him, just as you had trusted Jas and Ilsa and told him everything.

Now you regret it more than anything. You look, and you recognised those booth seats and plates, you’d seen them so many times before. You shrug, “May be, but it could be chalked up to coincidence. What are you even trying to say?” His jaw locks and then he swipes to the right, then again and again and then he hands you the phone telling you to do the same.

“Bérenger, what am I looking at?” He still looks on edge but continues to explain. “I hired a private detective. He found this on Carlos’ cloud.” Now you laugh at him, “That’s not possible. I’ve looked at Carlos’ pictures before, and I’ve never seen these photos before.” You go to leave, thinking he’s just lying to hurt you again.

“His phone, yes! But not his laptop, not his PC, and not his cloud.” It’s true, yes. “What would these photos even mean?” You cross your arms, finally allowing him to speak. “He’s been stalking you, can’t you see? Months before you even met and he has hundreds of photos of you!”

This catches your attention. You sigh, and shake your head, trying to make sense of what he is saying. “Please, Y/N, you’re my sister. All our siblings missed you so much over Christmas. The girls were so excited to see you got engaged and couldn’t believe their ears when I told them what happened.”

This hits you in the stomach. It has to be wrong. He has to be lying. Or else your whole world will truly become crumbling down. More than ever before. “Is, is that all?” He shakes his head repeatedly.

“No, no there’s so much more.” How could there ever possibly be more than stalking? “I have to go, but I have just one day off tomorrow before a hectic week. Here’s my hotel room, we’ll talk.”

Your heart is racing in your ears, you don’t really listen to the people talking to you. You just sit in the makeup chair, trying to keep your stomach from twisting and turning. It has to all be lies, right? He must just be trying to get in your head, to hurt you even more. But, if you truly believed that it's all lies, why would have you agreed to meeting him?

The ringing hits your ear, not panic ringing but your phone. Your hands shake seeing Carlos’ name on your phone. For a fact, you know that if you don’t answer, he is going to worry all day. You don’t want that, he’s your fiancé! But, does he really love you or are his jokes more the truth. Each time he tells you he’s obsessed with you, flies through your mind.

Was he being honest with you? Waiting for you to realise? You turn airplane mode on and the phone goes quiet.

Then there’s also the option of your brother lying. After all, he didn’t defend you that night. He didn’t leave with you when your parents kicked you out. In fact, he made it even worse. He called you and Carlos horrible names and haven’t tried to reach out.

Now you wish Kika was with you on this Dior shoot to help you think all this out.

“You have 10 minutes because 10 minutes is all you gave me.” You both sit down on the balcony of your hotel room. You show him the 10-minute timer on your phone and as soon as the clock starts ticking he begins talking. “I don’t need ten minutes. I can tell you all you need to know now.” You don’t say a word, allowing him to continue.

“Carlos paid us a million euros to disown you.”

He doesn’t even say another word, clearly he can see you spinning. “What?” He nods and then pulls out his phone. Your eyes don’t deceive you. Nothing is truer than the image of your parents sitting on the porch of their new mansion. Bright smiles are on their faces. He swipes to the next photo and you see your siblings being spoiled with lavish gifts.

Now you’re glad that you’re sitting down. Your heart rate has skyrocketed, and you can’t help but look around at everything you now own. The million-euro ring on your finger feels much heavier than ever before. Suddenly you feel exhausted, and a throbbing headache makes itself known. Your throat is dry and your eyes burn with tears.

“No, no, this…this is edited. It must be.” The sun feels too bright and your chest feels too tight. What else is left for you, if you don’t have Carlos? Yes, you have Kika and Alex, but if you lose Carlos you lose them too.

You’ve kicked your friends out of your life. You don’t have your family anymore. He’s it. Carlos is the only real stable person in your life. His family, his friends, they’re the only people you have.

Your brother panics, he pours you a glass of water and you swallow it with one big gulp. What’s even worse than having no one but him, is you realise that that is what he wanted. He wanted himself to be the only one in your life. For you to be isolated and depend on him and only him. He’s used his influence and his money to remove your friends, your family, your job and your person.

“Ilsa? Jasmine? Did he…?” Bérenger nods before you can even finish your sentence. It confirms your thoughts. “There’s more…” he pours you another glass of water. “He planned your meeting. We searched and we couldn’t find a single article of any mob or crazy fans that whole day. We looked in further… and found out that he paid your old boss to make sure you ended up in that ally on that day.”

What?

He's obsessed. He's crazy.

Then the contract enters your mind. NDA. Non-disclosure agreement. Is this why he had you sign it? You thought it was just a safety concern for Ferrari. To make sure they don’t lose any sponsors or something like that. Now you see it’s to protect himself. All just to make sure you don’t say a word. Because if this gets out, he’ll lose everything. He’d be in an even worse position than you.

“Bérenger. You need to leave.” His brows furrow together. “I have photos of that too if you don’t believe me. Recordings, audios, you name it.” You shake your head.

“No, no. I signed an NDA. You aren’t allowed to know any of this. He could sue you into oblivion. He could…” Memories of him saying he’d have people fired. The look in his eye when he would tell you what would happen.

He doesn’t move. “No, no. You’re my sister. He can sue me all he wants.” You shake your head, over and over. Standing up on your wobbly legs. Trying to push his huge body from the seat. “He’ll do worse. Much worse, I’m sure.” His eyes go big at your reaction. “Leave. Now.” He sighs and then takes your phone and puts in his new number.

“If you need me. For anything. Message me, call me.” You can only nod. “Be careful. Don’t let the guards see you looking anything but normal.” Then you realise, they’d likely already told Carlos that Bérenger has visited. “Turn your location off. Don’t use the same road twice. His reach is far. Be careful.”

Your mind is reeling. Should you call him or wait for him to call you? If he does call you, should you lie? Pretend you don’t know anything and then buy a plane ticket with your own money? How would you even get to the airport without the guards? If you leave now, you’ll lose all your modelling jobs. Everything you’d been working hard for. Your dreams, you’d be throwing your dreams down the drain.

The phone rings, and you see his name on your screen. Your hands shake as you answer the phone. You don’t hear anything and can’t even speak. “¿Mi amor?” He asks through the phone, sounding just so innocent. ‘My love’. Are you really his love or just something he owns? Like some watch he’s crazy about.

You go to speak, but your throat fails you. Sobs echo through the hotel room. “Y/N? Are you okay? What’s going on? Talk to me.” Your tears become more, he was so perfect. Too perfect. “What did you do?” Your voice is just above a whisper but you can hear him shift on the other end.

He chuckles, thinking it’s some sort of prank. “What are you talking about? Don’t mess with me now. You didn’t call me back yesterday. I was worried sick.” Each of his words are like knifes into your heart. “Bérenger told me everything.” It’s such a struggle to even speak. “And you believe him?” He doesn’t even ask what Bérenger told you. It just confirms it more to you.

“He showed me the photos, Carlos.” You can hear him curse in Spanish on the other side. “Carlos, I loved you, how could you do this to me?” You pull your legs close to your chest, some sort of protection. It doesn’t stop your heart pounding. “And you still do. You still love me, don’t you mi amor? You told me, I’d never get in trouble with you.”

You scoff at his pleas. “That’s before I found out that you paid my parents to disown me!” He scoffs the same as you had. “You say that as if you loved them because they didn’t love you. Think about it, mi amor, they took the money, didn’t they? If they loved you they would’ve kicked me out there and then. But they didn’t.”

He’s right. Who would be so evil as to give up their own daughter, just like that? Clearly, you never really meant much to them. Why are you caring now? He must sense you coming to this realisation.

“I did it for you. I hate the way they made you feel. Weren’t they so cruel? They would hurt you over and over and I couldn’t stand it. Shouldn’t my love be a good enough reason?”

Another cry courses through you. It’s quiet for quite a bit, just the sound of your crying. You can hear the shuffling before he speaks. “We’re hoping on the plane now. Don’t go anywhere.” This just makes your cries worse. “No, no, please. You can keep everything. The car, the jewels, the clothes anything. Just, please don’t hurt me. Or my family.”

You can hear his footsteps stop. “No, no, mi amor. You know I’d never hurt you. Don’t you?” You don’t say anything, you can’t. You’re shaking and your cries become too much. “Don’t do anything rash. We’ll be there tomorrow.” You throw the phone across the bed, wanting to be as far away as possible from it.

Without even thinking, you throw open the door and face your bodyguards. They don’t even turn to you. “Who are you two loyal to? Me or Carlos?” They don’t say anything, like always. You pluck on Otis’ sleeve, he’s shorter and you’ve him smile…once but once is enough for you to reach out. “If Carlos comes for me, trying to take me, who will you go with?”

You can see him gulp and his face soften. “Carlos will not hurt you.” His words are soft and it’s the first time either of them has spoken of you. You scoff and jump on the balls of your feet.

“Answer the question.” You can see he bites his tongue. “We are paid to protect you, from everyone. But also to report everything you do to Carlos.” It’s Brutis who speaks, you both seem shocked.

“Thank you,” it’s all you say before closing the door. You grab your phone again and call your assistant slash publicist slash just about everything. “Y/N, hello beautiful, what can I do for you?” Her voice is always chirpy but it quickly changes when you ask her what would happen if you didn’t show up to any of your shows.

She chuckles, clearly incredibly nervous by your sudden change of heart. “You’d be blacklisted. Not showing up to Dior? As the opener? Yeah, word will spread and you won’t get another runway job again. Why do you ask?” You can hear her panic about her job. “I signed an NDA.” It’s all you say, you don’t want anyone else’s life being ruined.

You sit back down on the bed. Now you need to think clearly. Why exactly is your brother telling you all this? It can’t be to protect you, because if that was the case then he would’ve done exactly as Carlos said. If he really did care about you, he would’ve tried harder.

Bérenger would’ve told him no, beat Carlos’ ass. But he didn’t, so clearly he doesn’t care too much about you.

So why did he bring this to you? Why else but to hurt you and your relationship. Force a break between you and Carlos. To make sure to ruin your connection with him, so that you’d lose the love of your life. Not only that, but you lose everything. Your new family, the Sainz, your new friends, Alex and Kika, and your career.

You’ve dreamed of tomorrow all your life. To walk down that runway, with all those cameras flashing and people screaming. Your wildest dream was walking for someone like Dior. As a little child, you’d wear your mother’s clothes and put on a little runway show for your siblings. It was one of the few times they’d show some sort of interest.

When you were cooking, you’d always imagine being on a show. Explaining in great detail what you're making and people would love it. People would love you. That’s what you’ve always wanted if you really think about it. To be adored and obsessed over. And that’s what Carlos has given you. He’s given you a world where this is a reality.

You peek behind the curtain and look at all those seats. Then you look at the window outside and see the incredibly long line of people. Much more than the seats put out. An hour. One whole hour before you walk the runway for the very first time. Now just any runway, the Christian Dior runway.

Yes, you spend weeks practising your model walk. You’ve rehearsed this runway three times now. Your outfit is perfect, your hair is perfect, all you’re waiting for now is makeup, jewellery and touch ups. But you can feel your heart in your ears. Yes, you’ve wanted this all your life but now that it’s here, you feel like throwing up.

All those people, watching your every move. They’ll know if you’re breathing too heavily, if you're walking too fast, you’re certain that they can smell fear. And boy are you scared. What if you slip and fall. Then again, Naomi Campbell fell on the runway and that became an iconic moment. But are you as iconic as her? Could you ever live up to her?

What if you sneeze and the whole dress bursts open? What if the dress just falls apart as you walk, leaving you naked for everyone to see? You’d be the laughingstock of the model world. Never again seen on the runway, doomed to forever be remembered as the girl whose dress fell apart. Or the girl who was far too unprofessional for the runway.

“Are you okay?” The makeup artist’s voice snaps you out of your hyperventilation. Your thoughts are torn between two very important things. But really they come together for one big thing, your future. And one question affects both things. Do you still want to be with Carlos? “Yeah, sorry. My mind is just all over the place. Very nervous, my first show.” You shrug and she smiles.

“What usually helps when you're nervous?” His name instantly pops into your mind. “My fiancé. He’s always been my rock.” There hasn’t been a moment since you met him that he hasn’t been there for you. If that’s due to an obsession or love, does it really matter? What really is the difference? What if love isn’t enough for you?

Your parents claimed to love you. Your friends claimed to love you. You claimed to love your job. But all three of those are lost at just the mention of money. Not Carlos. To him, money wasn’t even an object. He didn’t care if you got your new shoes dirty or never wore something his money bought. Because to him, there’s always more money but not more of you.

“Speaking of…” the make-up artist’s eyes glance to one of the side entrances. His hair is always something you notice first. You hope he never loses it, even if he goes completely grey. Then it’s the crinkle in his brow, he’s always so worried. Then the way his eyes scan the room, always looking for you. It’s not that he always wants you by his side, it’s just that he wants you safe.

He’s by your side before you can even blink. His hands fit into yours, and like always you reach for the other. “Mi amor, please let me explain.” He’s down on his knees, opening himself up to vulnerability. So many people here could take a photo at any time. But he doesn’t care, he just thinks about you and keeping you.

“Carlos, I can’t do this.” His eyes go big and he shakes his head. “No, no please mi amor. I love you, I can’t lose you. I know some actions to protect you might have been a bit… unorthodox but it all came out of love.” You chuckle and kiss his forehead. “I know and you’re right. Good riddance, I mean. If they gave me up that easily, for that little amount, then I’m better off without them.”

His face lights up and he gives you his charming smile. “You mean it?” You nod and smile, “What I can’t do, is this show. Ask Ava here, I’ve been hyperventilating this whole time. I’m sure she’s so annoyed with me.” The girl gives an uncomfortable chuckle, likely more worried about her job than yours.

He stands up and rubs your shoulders. “Don’t worry, handle it like you do the paparazzi. Because you handle it better than any celebrity that I’ve ever seen.” He holds back your hair, keeping it out of Ava’s way, still gentle enough not to ruin the style. You laugh, it feels like so long ago now, your first real encounter with fans.

“Will you be watching?” “Of course, imagine it’s just me in the audience. Just you and me.”

“Carlos Sainz Vázquez de Castro Junior, ¡ven aquí ahora mismo o llamaré a tu padre! Quieres decepcionar a papá? Porque si lo haces no podrás venir más a las carreras.” I can’t help but laugh, hearing my wife scold my eldest.

He’s likely run off again trying to find me or Lando or even Charles. It’s nice to hear her speak Spanish. As soon as we found out she was pregnant, she began learning immediately. And she picked it up quick.

“I am shaking in my boots.” Her eyes shine seeing me. Clearly, she’s tired, but still, she is glowing. “Papa!” The little man runs up to me at full speed. His Ferrari shirt is still too big for him at four. But he does insist he’s a big many and doesn’t need the baby sizes. “Are you being naughty? Didn’t I say we must always listen to Mama?”

His wide smile falls, “I’m sorry, papa,” I hate seeing him upset like this. But he does need to know that what she says goes. “You know what they say, happy wife happy life.” Charles comes up behind me, tickling Junior making him cry out in giggles. He then greets Y/N and picks up one of the twins. Also tickling his feet as the other is as always perched on my wife’s hip.

“Aw man, this is why I love the Spanish GP so much,” Charles comments and I can hear my beautiful wife laugh again. “What? To admire my family?” He nods with a smile, “You know it.” I can’t help but shake my head. “Ai, no, get your own.” Charles just rolls his eyes at my shenanigans before he is called away.

I place Junior down, telling him to sit tight. I then bend down and rub her swollen belly. “How are you, mi amor? How is our girl treating you?” She sighs and her fingers find my hair.

“She’s much nicer to me than these two were. But you know how it is when we get to the eight month mark.” I coo and kiss her head. I love seeing her swollen like this. Hands full with our children, in the role I have chosen for her.

“What’s on your mind?” She’s so warm and I just can’t keep anything from her. When she wasn’t pregnant it was hard to say no. Now, it’s basically impossible. “I think I should retire…” Her brows furrow and her bottom lip pops out. It’s no wonder where Junior gets it from. “I have a championship behind my back and this year is looking like another…”

She shrugs and then nods, “You’re his hero, you know? I just don’t want to break that bubble for him.” I sigh, placing my head on her round stomach. The baby kicks my chin and I can’t help but chuckle. “I’m 38, mi amor, my contract ends this year. I don’t want to miss more of my kids growing up.” She holds my face in her hands, this is what I imagine heaven would be like.

“I’ll support you all the way.” I nod and give her a kiss. She pulls Elija, the youngest closer to her. They’re just over a year old. “Look who’s the main breadwinner now.” Elija just babbles on as a reply. This is more than enough for me.

She’s mine, all mine. Three beautiful kids with one on the way. A championship to my name. There is nothing else I could want.

The End.

I just want to quickly add, that this story was written before the Epstein list came out. If the mention of Noami Campbell is too much, please, please tell me so, so that I can delete the mention of her immediately. But like,,,, I'm just a girl and idk what to do 🤷 please tell me what to do😭 Okay, love you bye <3

[quinloki]

Quin's Table of Consent

None of me is SFW -:- You Must Be 18+ -:- 17.99 is unacceptable. By interacting with my posts or following me, you're attesting to being over 18

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Welcome November!

This month will include doing more Just a Little Aftercare short stories, tying off the last of my Zine work, and finishing off the last of the commissions.

From June to now it's been a rough yeah, but I'm making it through and while I could complain, I'm not going to.

I'm slowly becoming more active on Bluesky, so if you have one, feel free to follow me there. I share a lot art from talented One Piece folks and such, and plan to post most of my own art there.

FuckNoWriMo will start 12/1/2024 through to the New Year \o/

Preliminary December - >.> I'll be doing a Marco x Reader for my FuckNoWriMo because I am DESPERATELY in need of some Marco x Reader fic. Plus this will be a kind of Hallmark AU, so it's perfect to work on during December.

A Look at 2024 Current Plans:

December: Nada, between work and holidays we're leaving this month alone. (I do have a collab idea I'm poking at for 2025 >.> but we won't worry about that yet). FuckNoWriMo 2024 Event

A Look at 2025:

January - Other than celebrating what I believe will be my 2nd anniversary of a tumblr blog, not much else. February - I've got an event in mind for 2025, but I'm going to work it around my FuckNoWriMo which will happen in March. Once I sort it out, you'll know <3 March - FuckNoWriMo 2025 April - TBD May - One Piece Kinky Head Canons v 2.0 June - TBD July - Birthday Request Event 3rd Edition! August - TBD September - TBD October - Kinktober 2024 in 2025 (i.e. doing what I meant to do in 2024 this year). November - TBD December - TBD

Socials: Quin is quin across the board currently. You can find me as Quinloki on: Twitter/Ao3/Pillowfort/CoHost/Bluesky/Wattpad and Discord. <3

(but I might not add you back if I can't easily tell who you are ~_^ Also I'm really only super active here, currently.)

I love every like, reblog, tag, and comment - I may not always have the energy or capacity to reply to each one, but please know that they warm my soul. Your appreciation is appreciated, whether it is eloquent, gremlin, or just completely unhinged. Thank you for taking the time to share your reaction to my words <3

I can never find this when I want it so I’m linking it here.

OC art post which is going to stay tucked away and small for now. OC "event" posts - Do a Couple's Thing The Confessional (Currently Closed)

[nightsadness]

Ring...

Tags: fem!reader, angst

Pairing: Fyodor Dostoevsky x fem!reader

Warning: The death of a canon character, the reader longs greatly. There may be errors in the text, as I am not a native English speaker, I often had to use the help of a translator

Synopsis: Fyodor didn't keep his promise.

A/n: This short story was written out of boredom, but I liked it so much that I decided to post it here. As I wrote above, I don't speak English, so I used a lot of translators, trying to write normally 😞. Please let me know if it's really bad.

- I promise I'll be back. - Fyodor held the girl's body tightly in his arms, resting his chin on her shoulder and slightly covering his eyes.

- I believe you - almost whispered the girl, hugging Dostoevsky tightly, and did not want to let go. She really believed that he would come back having fulfilled his purpose, though inside her everything was turning upside down because of bad thoughts and worries, but it was Fyodor Dostoevsky, right? He has everything perfectly planned, there were no mistakes and there can't be. But no matter how hard she tried to chase away those bad thoughts, something inside told her that this was their last dialog....

- You promised, you bastard! You promised me! - The girl screamed hysterically, breaking everything in the house, from dishes to furniture. She was a whirlwind of emotions, she was angry with him and at the same time her grief had no end, because it was unbearable to lose a loved one.

In the end, she just collapsed on the bed, choking on her tears, which the already wet pillow took in. It was the first time Y/N had ever felt such intense heartache that was nowhere near physical pain, which one in her entire life, she had known it in all its colors. How now to live and move on...without him? Of course, the girl realized that it was possible, that it was not the end, that she could survive it, but it would take too much time to heal such a huge wound. But would she be able to? Though Y/N was strong physically, mentally and morale, but Fyodor was her greatest weakness.

Three hours have passed after dark thoughts and bitter memories. The girl was no longer crying, but just staring at the ceiling, and the memory of the black-haired man still tormented her, she knew she had to get her act together and move on, but there was neither strength nor desire. The girl scolded herself for showing weakness, for not even being able to move, morale condition did not allow such luxury.

Days, weeks, months, and so it passed 3 years, Y/N more less recovered, but still day and night missed Fyodor, dreaming to see him again, to hug again, but it is simply impossible! The world collapsed for her, lost all their colors, she just existed, every day come in low-paying job, on her way home and then going to bed and so day after day.

On one of those days, the girl came home as usual and went straight to the shower. Lying in the bathtub, she looked at her hands with a blank stare.

- Our time is encased in a ring, - Y/N smiled slightly at the corners of her lips, a lone tear rolling down her cheek as her gaze stopped on the ring Fyodor had given her almost immediately after they met.

Still lying in the tub, she leaned her head back, trying to occupy her bad head with various thoughts, but there was still only the image of Fyodor in front of her.

nightsadness © 2024

[marlo-noni]

10 more Liu Yuning songs I love!

This is part 3. Here are part 1 and part 2.

New Year's Song (过年的歌), 2020 Why it's good: it's so cute, happy, and festive! You may hear it in your local Asian supermarket around Lunar New Year, because it's fairly popular. The video is adorable too. I love his bandmates, A-Zhuo and Da Fei, in their costumes - Da Fei is the god of wealth (I think), and A-Zhuo looks like some longevity god? My knowledge of Chinese mythology and deities is lacking.

2. Adore (十分喜欢), 2019 Why it's good: so soft and romantic! This feels like your boyfriend, Liu Yuning, is singing a love song directly to you. It was also written by Penny Tai, who Liu Yuning would later team up with on season 3 (2021) of the variety show Our Song.

3. Obviously (明明), 2019 Why it's good: just very catchy, especially the chorus. It's the first song on his 2019 album Ten (十), and it's a good choice for that, because it hooks you in.

4. Light Years Away (光年之外), 2018 cover of a G.E.M. song for the variety show Golden Melody 2 Why it's good: this was his first music variety show performance, only 2 months after he blew up online in June 2018. He said on livestream that preparing for this was super stressful, and his vocal coach (or maybe a producer? I can't remember) was having a conniption the night before. But he knocked it out of the park! I also listened to the original G.E.M. song just now, and it's got a completely different energy. Liu Yuning totally did his own thing with it. Thanks to @thefeastandthefast for sharing this performance, and the story, with me.

5. Azure (这蔚蓝), 2024 performance on the variety show Melody Journey Why it's good: I love that chorus, with the "yi dian yi dian yi dian yi dian yi dian" ("bit by bit by bit") in it. Liu Yuning also recently talked about this performance on livestream, and how this song was out of his comfort zone, so he was incredibly nervous. Again, he knocks it out of the park.

6. Adventurer (探险家), 2018 promo song for the film Alpha Why it's good: someone once asked Tumblr OG Liu Yuning fan @heymeowmao for some recommendations of songs where Liu Yuning rocks out, and this was on the list. And yeah, I think this might be his most rocking song - the only contender I can think of is his recent performance of Chi Luo Luo with Da Zhang Wei on season 6 of Our Song. But that's for another post (if I end up doing a list of fave collabs). For now, enjoy Liu Yuning at his most rock 'n' roll!

7. A Good Guy (挺好个人呐), 2020 promo song for the film My People, My Homeland Why it's good: just quirky as hell! I haven't seen the film this was promoting, but I assume it's a retro thing, because this is a total disco throwback. The heroic voice Liu Yuning uses in it is super fun as well. I'm just glad he decided to do such a silly song.

8. Fireworks and Stars (烟火星辰), 2021 OST opening theme for You Are My Glory Why it's good: sappy-as-hell theme song for the drama where two of China's prettiest people, Dilraba and Yang Yang, get it on. Liu Yuning has done a zillion cheesy love song OSTs, but this one sticks with me for some reason. It's got the same songwriter as his OST for Love Between Fairy and Devil (寻一个你) and that Melody Journey song I love so much, Falling (掉), so I think maybe it's just this songwriter's style that I like.

9. A Good Year (一个好年), 2023 Why it's good: this is Liu Yuning's much lesser-known Lunar New Year song. It's much sweeter, more nostalgic, and less energetic than the other one, but I think I've listened to this one more. It just feels uplifting and warm in the middle of the January/February gloom here in Vancouver.

10. Fall in Love, 2022 Why it's good: I can't believe I almost forgot this one! I've listened to it so many times that it's not in my regular rotation these days. This is his danciest poppiest song. It was originally going to be the lead single on his 2nd album, but since that album still hasn't come out (here's hoping for January 2025!), he said it's officially not new enough to be on there anymore. Anyway, this song is fun as hell!

[hollowthatfollowssme]

✩｡:*•.❁ Welcome To My Blog❁.•*:｡✩

About Me Height: 5’2” HW: 182-lbs

CW:126.6-lbs

UGW: 105-lbs

I am 26 y/o college graduate who works full-time. Was recovered for a while but relapsed in 2021 after hitting HW. I got married April 2024 to the love of my life. I am Gluten Intolerant and have a very sensitive stomach. I love K-pop, fashion, kitting, early 2000s TV, cooking, fitness, smoking weed, and anything related to online tea. Absolutely obsessed with trying new diet soda flavors. I have been disordered since the age of 15 and have gone through ana, mia, and BED over the years Proudly Self Harm free since 2018!

What's the Point of This Blog?

When I relapsed in 2021, I discovered pro-ana forums for the first time and I learned that there is a sub-section of proana that is actually pro-harm reduction. I resonated with it because I am not ready for help nor is it an option without losing my job and everything I worked hard for. I feel like I have no choice but to manage my symptoms and reduce the harm to my health the best I can on my own, and I am FAR from being the only person with an ED who feels like this. Many of us have a lot to lose if we seek treatment and that very fact prevents us from seeking help. The next best thing we can do for ourselves is change how we see and interact with disordered thoughts. Instead of starving yourself because you want to disappear, what if you tried to slowly and steadily lose weight so that you can do something you always denied yourself, something that you always told yourself you weigh too much to do? I know from experience, that losing weight quick and dirty only makes you feel worse and DOESN'T LAST once you start to eat "normally" again. Sustainable lifestyle changes are the only way to prevent loose skin, stay on track with a bingeing problem, and keep your metabolism and hormones from going out of wack, (reducing the negative symptoms and long-term health effects of ED.) If you don't believe it's possible, I have lost over 60+lbs while struggling with Bingeing over the course 18 months and have maintained that loss for about 1 year with absolutely no period regain. I went from a US dress size 14 to a size 6 and in the last year that I have stayed 120lbs, I now fit into a size 4 from body recomposition.

How Did You Do It?

1. Address negative thoughts when you can, when you say sweeping statements like "I always mess up" or "Everyone hates me" Challenge those thoughts with facts. Is that really true or does it just feel that way in the moment? Be honest with yourself. Motivation is always coming and going and you can't rely on self-hate to keep you on your diet, people who hate themselves rarely take good care of themselves and stay on track.

2. You don't have to eat low res to lose weight, instead create a proper and sustainable calorie deficit. Use this link to find your BMR and look at the activity level to see how many calories you really burn in a day, most anas underestimate this number. Whatever that BMR number is, subtract 500 calories, this will give you the amount you can eat and still lose 1 lb per week! 3500cals of deficit = 1 lb of loss. 1 lb per week sounds slow but having consistent loss week after week is so healing for someone who has alot of ups and downs emotionally from weight fluxs. If that sounds like you, give slower loss a shot! 3. Stop punishing yourself and find things that you enjoy instead. If you are taking away food to punish yourself or using increased exercise to punish yourself, you are actively sabotaging the only things that help you with weight loss. If you use those things as punishments, you are less likely to want to do them AT ALL. It's so important to find an enjoyable exercise that you look forward to and that relieves stress. Exercise is there to help you maintain your health/weight and using it as a punishment takes all the joy away from it and makes it into a chore you dread and avoid. Instead of taking away food, focus on buying higher quality food in smaller portions, you will find it tastes better and you look forward to planning your meals around those ingredients. 4. Eat high volume low calorie whole foods. Alot of packaged "health" food is just as bad as junk food, they just put a trendy-looking design on the package and the word "natural" slapped on it. before you buy or eat anything you need to be looking at the label on the back. If you want to feel more satisfied with your meals, try to get at least 60g of protein a day and avoid food that is calorically dense especially when you don't have access to a food scale. Try to eat more foods that contain one ingredient and when eating a full meal, try to fill your plate with 2 large servings of vegetables, one serving of protein, and one small serving of a grain or starchy vegetable. This ratio of food helps you feel full and keeps the calories low! If you have any more questions feel free to use my inbox! If you need help to reduce harm and feel like you are beyond helping yourself, please get help from a trusted loved one. Your well-being is worth more than what ever trouble you might get in asking for help. Nothing you did could ever warrant or make you deserve to not live. You are worthy of love and good health and I hope this helps you get a step closer to that.

[sendsexycopsasap]

Resentment list 4th step

1.being born into an awful divorce, this traumatized me and ruined my self-esteem. This covers so much I'm not sure how I'll get to 20?

2.my shy, timid nature. It would kill me to hurt a fly I'm quite the softie.

3.self-harm. I began cutting myself extensively around 18-19, this really cemented the self-hatred that stalks me all the time.

4.my female friends as a kid knowing I was gay before I did. My dick really controls me sometimes I just wanna get rid of it.

5.Being brought to a psychiatrist at 14(wow this is a big one) and going along with whatever he said because I didn't know better(how could I?). He put me on over a dozen different anti-depressants by the time I turned 15.

6. Poverty and injustice I see all around me, it sucks how unfair this world can be.

7.My father being an alcoholic, although he would never admit this. He used to get drunk and "wrestle" me really aggressively as a kid( like age 9)

8.getting creepily diddled by my family doctor, she said she was "checking me for lumps" but she had this creepy grin on her face and it lasted for at least 20 seconds.

9. My mother refusing any contact with me for the past 6 years. This has been the saddest part of my life, she raised me on her own and I feel so lost without her I cannot bear. I love her more than anything, she's my everything.

10. Crystal meth. You sank your hooks into me and ripped away my kindness, humanity and soul. I will never forgive you.

11.The deep sadness I've felt my entire life. This kindof relates to the first two, but just for context, this is the hole that meth filled. This was caused by an acute lack, of love and kindness/ my upbringing.

12. The demons that Crystal meth brought out of me. I will get more into this as it's really a few things. First of all it made me violent, my first time coming down I punched this small, make nurse as hard as I could. this isn't me, this isn't what my mother raised me to to.

13. This is my blog and there's just no way around this, my dad is kindof a pedophile, or "hebophile" more accurately, I've seen him thirsting over teenage girls. My mother, acutely aware of this did her best to shelter me from him and keep me safe. I always thought my mother's love was enough, I believed it would protect me.

14. When my mother left me at 19, I pretty much immediately began masturbating to the thought of girls a few years younger than me as a coping mechanism. I'll never forgive myself for this, when she left it felt like the good part of me left too.

15. The strange omerta surrounding these, uh, "issues" that make it impossible to actually help anyone and pretty much guarantee someone could get hurt, even though it's 2024, I geuss it's because it only really happens in men and we're in a tough place as a society(COVID)

16. As you may have geussed by now, Crystal meth brought out full blown pedophillc thoughts in me. It was the only thing that made me not suicidal for the first time in years, but yeah after a few months of daily use. I just full on wanted to fuck a child I can't really explain it, I don't act on these thoughts I'd rather jump off a bridge.

17. In conclusion, you may say "LOL UR A P3D0 KYS", and to that I say, alright. I've survived 3 or 4 suicide attempts so don't think you can break me so easily. I'm not here to advocate for pedophiles, but I'm a person, an inconveniently queer one so make of that what you will!

P.S. I'm in therapy and have been sober from meth so since August, I'm doing my best to man-up and solve my issues but if that's not good enough for you, you know what I know exactly how you feel a lot of things aren't good enough for me, including your society.

[thelivebookproject]

Reading Wrap Up | October - December 2023 + 2023 Recap

One more year has gone by, I almost can't believe it and yet it's already time to review how the year was.

[Jan-March] [April-June] [July-Sept]

Code: books read in English are in black, books read in Spanish in red, books read in French in blue & books read in Portuguese in purple.

OCTOBER (3)

West With the Night - Beryl Markham -> 4/5

Desencajada - Margaryta Yakovenko -> 3/5

Death and the Penguin - Andrey Kurkov, trad. George Bird -> 2.5/5

My favourite was definitely Markham's: as a British woman in colonised Kenya, I was wary of starting her memoir, but it actually was a really pleasant surprise. Her love for the country where she grew up in was palpable with each description of the land and the sky, and her life as a rancher, horse trainer, and chartered pilot was fascinating and full of adventures. Desencajada was a good insight into the life of a second-generation immigrant, but it was too similar to Supersaurio (by Maryam El Mehdati), which I read earlier in the year, to offer anything different. Kurkov's book was curious, but not enough for me to really recommend it.

NOVEMBER (4)

O Alquimista - Paulo Coelho -> 2/5

The Intimacy Experiment (The Shameless Series #2) - Rosie Danan -> 4/5

Greek Mythology: The Gods, Goddesses, and Heroes Handbook: From Aphrodite to Zeus, a Profile of Who's Who in Greek Mythology - Liv Albert (ilustrado por Sara Richard) -> 3/5

The Housekeeper and the Professor - Yoko Ogawa, trad. Stephen Synder -> 3/5

Coelho's was for a book club and it was as simple and as bland as I expected, but it was my first ever book read in Portuguese so yay for a landmark! Rosie Danan's was great, and I actually added her new book to my TBR because in just two books she's become a trusted author for romance.

DICIEMBRE (7)

A Viagem do Elefante - José Saramago -> 3.5/5

Infocracy: Digitalisation and the Crisis of Democracy - Byung-Chul Han, trad. Daniel Steuer -> 4/5

My Roommate is a Vampire - Jenna Levine -> 2.5/5

Demigods & Magicians (Percy Jackson + The Kane Chronicles) - Rick Riordan -> 3/5

In Bed with the Stablemaster (The Rogue Files #6.5) - Sophie Jordan -> 2.5/5

¿Para qué sirve realmente la ética? - Adela Cortina -> 2/5

Le Testament Français - Andreï Makine -> 2/5

December was very good in terms of numbers but not in terms of quality. Infocracy was super interesting and I do really recommend it as a good intro treatise on contemporary debates about democracy and information. Saramago's was also fun if a little overlong, and as usual Riordan is a good comfort read. But the rest of them? I've already forgot what they were about, definitely meh.

As usual, if you want to have a chat about anything I read just send me a message!

Yearly Recap

[Hello 2023 post]

Reading (at least) 55 books [59/55]

12 books in French [4/12]

12 books in Spanish [12/12] [Plus several books translated into Spanish!]

12 non-fiction books [11/12] [So close and yet so far...]

12 LGBTQ+ books [3/12]

12 books by European writers (excluding British ones) [10/12]

12 books by African/Afro-Caribbean writers [1/12]

12 books by Asian writers [3/12]

4 books by writers from Oceania (Australia, New Zealand, etc.) [1/4]

4 books by Latin American writers [4/4]

Okay, so I didn't do THAT great in my goals, actually. A couple of them were reeeeeally close, but some others were so far away it's actually a little embarrassing. But oh well, we live and we learn, and we try again...

I'm actually fairly happy with how my reading year went, even if I didn't manage to read one single 5-star book in the whole year (something to improve for next year for sure!). I think that after a couple of years of stallment and block, I'm really getting my groove back and I'm really excited for what the new year will bring! I have also been curating my TBR this past month to make sure everything on it brings me joy, and now all of my picks excite me. I can't wait to get to them in 2024; you can follow my reading adventures over in GoodReads if you want to take a look at my shelves :)

I hope you all close out 2023 in style and have a wonderful start to 2024. May it bring happy adventures and many good books!

[nozomi-kaizoku]

10/3/2024 (decided to start putting dates on my stuff cause fuck it)

Okay, so I just got back from my manifestation hearing.

I didn't pass, they didn't determine my disability as the cause of what happened (check some of my older posts for context), but for some reason they didn't expel me.

But tbh, they might as well have, because ooh boy did they lose my fucking trust in them, and also my parents trust.

So, my mom brought in some paperwork that had the disorders that I was diagnosed with, and a majority of them are provisional. And during the hearing, they were bringing up my disorders as a possible cause of what happened.

Here's where things start to get really fucked up.

Not only did they refuse to acknowledge the provisional diagnoses, but when my mom tried to mention them to the people at the meeting, they immediately shut her down. And also, they acknowledged the trauma I had to deal with, but refused to connect that to what happened, basically their way of saying that my trauma doesn't affect me. They only acknowledged the autism and ADHD, even though neither of those disorders had any relation to what happened.

AND IT GETS WORSE.

They also mentioned a comment I made to my special education teacher during a split, and how by coincidence the new paraprofessional* had won my trust and therefore I liked her more, and it's made me realize something:

*I've now remember that Mr. Gonzales was a paraprofessional and not a teacher so I apologize for that.

That sped teacher was probably so jealous that she lost my trust and I turned towards that new paraprofessional instead of her, that she's wanting to try and get me expelled so I can "feel the same pain she did" (i'll get into that later), and that was why she agreed when everyone said that what happened wasn't because of my disability and it was because I wanted to get out of school (their words not mine).

All because she ignored me when I asked for help on an assignment about a month or two ago.

Okay, so setting aside the obvious fact that they probably violated an ADA law by flat out ignoring the diagnosed disorders I had, the fact that my school hated me this bad over ONE threat that's probably never gonna happen again, genuinely upsets me.

I don't give a fuck what their "pOLiciES" are, but you do not pretend to care about me and then throw me away when my mental health gets so bad to the point I develop homicidal ideation.

AND IT WASN'T EVEN A FLAT OUT THREAT EITHER, I literally just told my therapist "hey, I'm having homicidal thoughts and need to address it before something happens.", and because I pulled out scissors so that I could remove a potential weapon, they took it as a threat and are punishing me for trying to avoid a genuinely serious situation.

Also, what was going on in their mind when they didn't even acknowledge the provisional diagnoses when the mentions of my disabilities came up?? They KNEW I have bpd and they KNEW it affected my perception of relationships, yet for some reason they only acknowledged the autism and ADHD because they believe that my other disorders aren't real because of the provisional label (and I can't a full BPD diagnosis until I'm 18 cause of the laws where I live but that doesn't mean it's not there).

And the fact that the fucking sped teacher literally let HER emotions about me influence her fucking job as a teacher genuinely baffles me.

If a teacher lets their emotions get in the way of their job and therefore risk the wellbeing of their students, they shouldn't even BE a teacher in the first fucking place.

Honestly idk what else to say anymore...

Fuck Colorado Early Colleges, fuck Mrs. McGregor, and her dumbass kid too. They're all pieces of shit for doing this to me, and they deserve whatever happens to them. I pray for their downfall as much as I pray for Widefield's downfall.

I'm definitely showing this to my therapist next monday, and let's just say my parents aren't having me go back to that school anymore after all this.

[sevikellsss]

lonely fandom/general thoughts:

okay, this is honestly how i'm feeling right now, especially regarding Arcane.

i felt so comfortable on this app and like i could be myself, but then after 2022 there was just a massive dip in notes, interactions, asks, just people freaking talking to me. hardly anyone was.

so then i felt like no matter what i posted, i wasn't going to get anywhere. but then 2024 gave me some hope, i still was getting like 3 notes, on posts, got lots of notes on fanfic and no asks but at least people were talking to me and I started bonding with people, especially about Arcane, something i used to love.

and then BAM! because of my christianity i get soft blocked, then after i unblock them, thinking i'd be fine seeing them, i'm told people like me aren't welcome on their socials,(before anyone says it, my issue isn't with the boundaries, it's the care and consideration) then blocked, then talked about again, after trying to tell them i was hurt then posting my feelings. feelings which im entitled to, which weren't aimed until it was made aimed.

and because of that whole interaction with the person, most of my ex moots who follow that person i just didn't feel comfortable interacting with them or having them anywhere near my page, so i blocked basically all of them.

i isolated myself and now not only do i associate, what once was my favourite fictional character and my comfort with pain, sadness and loneliness, i have no one to talk to about it, i have no one to gush about the upcoming season with, and i really don't feel comfortable posting or seeing anything about arcane or writing my fanfic about it anymore.

because 1. i feel like no one is gonna see it or interact with it 2. i feel like have no one to fangirl with 3. i'm scared that people now associate me with that situation and think i'm a bad person or hateful christian and 4. i don't feel the passion from the story and i won't be writing from a loving place anymore.

what sucks about this is, it's happened to many times where my christianity has strained potential friendships, friendships, just general interactions.

and because i understand the issues and problems people have with christianity, this situation has honestly not only made me feel like i can't be myself or open with people with the same interests on this app, i'm having a HUGE identity crisis, where i feel like i'm being morally unjust and morally wrong for just simply believing what i believe.

so on top of all this loneliness crap, and honestly still feeling really hurt, angry and blamed for a situation that should have been handled better, i now feel like i'm inherently a terrible person who is hurting people by simply believing that God loves me and everyone... so yeah .

i don't feel welcome, not just by the person but everyone who talks to or follows them, and i'm scared that people in the Arcane fandom who don't follow them won't like me. i desperately want to get back to a place where i feel comfortable with seeing and being around Arcane again but right now, i feel unwelcome. and i feel like i'm not allowed to be around everybody because im a bad person for my beliefs.

i'm really angry too because this HAD to happen 2 months before the season comes out and now i'm not even excited. the show now fills me with anger, sadness and rage because i don't feel welcome. i feel ostracised. i feel like my love was taken away.

i'm putting this in the "arcane fandom" tag because i honestly want more arcane moots, and people who i can bond with but also people who'll let me be myself.

before i finish this,

i'm aware that mainstream christianity has hurt and continues to hurt a lot of people.

i want people who follow me to know that i don't agree with their hateful rhetoric. i believe that God loves all, i don't think he cares if you believe in them or not, or if you're lgbtq+, they care if you're a loving, kind and good person who treats others and yourself with kindness. i wish all Christians felt that way.

thanks for reading.

[lazar-codes]

01/02/2024 || Day 11 (dop)

TLDR:

🔸 added last class' ASL words to my program

🔸 worked on toggle for Frontend Mentor project

🔸 started and finished an illustration for fanart

🔸 started and nearly finished editing and rendering my recording of my illustration

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't believe I'm sick again. I've gotten sick for 3 out of the past 4 months, and I'm annoyed. Luckily this is the mildest illness compared to the other 2, but it's still not fun. All my symptoms have been spread out, so the past 3 days I've had one runny nostril, yesterday I was completely exhausted, this morning I lost my voice, and now the other nostril's runny.

Work

Frontend Mentor - I've been slowly chipping away at this project but now I gotta get my butt into gear because I wanted to finish this in January, and it's now February and I still have a lot left to do. Today I worked on the implementation of the toggle between the "monthly" and "yearly" plans, and I got it to work by changing the display to either the "monthly" or "yearly" cost to be either "none" or "block". This is basically what the HTML looks like, and below's the functionality for the toggle.

Basically, I get all the elements that have the term "plan_cost" as their class name and for each element, depending on what the toggle is on (i.e. monthly or yearly) I change their display property. I can fix the code to make it not repetitive, but for now it's fine. I've been doing this project using TypeScript and some of my errors are a little confusing, but Google is a good resource.

Anyways, here's what I have so far. It ain't much, but it's honest work;

Art

Ok, I'm gonna do a bit of a ramble here. I've been replaying The Last of Us Part 2 throughout all of January and I finished it last week. It's still an emotionally heavy game, but it did the trick and motivated me to want to draw some fanart. I've been sketching random stuff in my sketchbook almost every day (not lately now that I'm sick but whatever), but there's one idea that I had that I kept on coming back to, and today I had enough energy to sit down, open up Photoshop, and just draw it. And oh man, that felt really good! I haven't drawn in Photoshop in a while because I've been forcing myself to use Procreate, but it's just not the same. I feel like PS allows me to draw with more control of my lines and details and such, and my image just looks sharper than on Procreate. So I actually managed to pump out a piece that looks pretty much how I imagined it would look, and I didn't get frustrated like I would on Procreate. I also recorded my process and was working on making it a speedpaint, but nearly 4 hours of raw footage was rough on my PC and it's already super late at night, so I'll finish up that process tmr. I love making speedpaints and watching them afterwards. At least that'll count for my days of productivity tmr.

[weirder-than-usual]

"WEIRDER THAN USUAL" 🎃🌴💜

Comic coming in 2024. AGE RATING: 15+

The final product will feature themes of abuse, trauma, mental illness, and inappropriate language-- [IE: Swearing]

In the current day and age, somewhere in Florida, never mind where & how long exactly, sits the hidden town of Hollow Heights.

It's not invisible or anything! Just one of those small towns nobody really cares about. People don't really come by unless they're lost tourists with shitty GPS. And there isn't really much to note? It's your standard Florida suburb where everyone knows everyone; full of questionable adults, birds, bugs, casually insane crime, and some pretty cheap-yet-decent houses!

...Oh, yeah. And a magical curse that turns everyone who lives there into MONSTERS!

No one is ever born this way; Pax, Robin, Clinton & Ozzie sure weren't! But despite their looks, all Monsters maintain human brains & minds. And they're actually... pretty normal! 4 outcast teenagers simply doing their best (on a good day) to survive this hell-hole.

No one knows how it started. Most people don't even care anymore. All that everyone around here knows is that that the curse only effects people living in Hollow Heights specifically; and that it's only a matter of time before it gets to YOU.

They've also noticed that Monster forms primarily reflect the individual; they're NOT determined by genetics! In fact, whenever you become a Monster, & develop the powers that come with, there are 3 things the curse seems to always keeps in mind.

Who YOU are.

The things you've gone through.

And how you handled them!

More specifically... they tend to manifest after exposure to trauma.

There is cruelty for all of us. While only 1 in 4 people suffer with a mental illness, I think it is fair to say that everybody faces trauma at least once in their lives. Be it a loss, injury, or being met with somebody who doesn't love you like they should. It is very easy for us to get stuck on these experiences. They can make permanent changes to who we are, to the point where we may not recognize ourselves in the mirror anymore. Scary, ain't it?

And that's it. That's "the curse." It makes for an experience where simply existing begins to feel... Weirder Than Usual. And whether we heal / move on or not is a choice that only we can make, and a process only we can begin.

And while the trauma that induced it never truly goes away, there IS a way to get rid of the curse; and it's not as crazy as you'd think!

You can only heal so much inside of a toxic environment like HH. So the solution is simple: Get out of there. Free yourself & live freely somewhere else; ANYWHERE else! But of course, that's easier said than done. Especially in a world where things like money, power, oppression, and "being a child" still exist.

One of the poor souls trapped here for now is Pax Manalo: a down-on-their-luck martian violinist with strict parents, telekinetic & semi-psychic powers, adorable heart antennae, and a VERY charming & freaky clown boyfriend who swept them off their feet. And for months now, Pax (being the isolated wallflower & hopeless romantic of a 14-year-old that they are) has been certain that Florian Funnyman was THE ONE.

...Until Valentine's Day came around, and Florian puts his girlfriend through the unthinkable. Something so horrible that it broke her heart, changed her life forever, and left Pax wondering if there'd even be a point in ever speaking about it again.

She doesn't want to get in trouble. She doesn't know if she wants HIM to get in trouble. She doesn't even know if anyone will believe her! Especially since Florian & his family have pretty damn high reputations around town. It's a small place, he's only a grade above her, she's friends with his brother, she doesn't have any other good friends--!! and Florian's been keeping a very watchful eye to make sure nobody ever speaks of it.

But as time goes on... Pax realizes that they can't just stay here in Hollow Heights, or dating a guy like him. And that they need help, a support system, to help them through this. And thus, Pax is left no choice but to reach out and connect with the other Monsters around them; and it doesn't take long before she finally meets some kindred spirits along the way.

Kindred spirits who are willing to help keep her safe; Kindred spirits who will support her as she tries to get her life back, learns to better advocate for herself, share their own sorrows with her as well as they face other hardships & all grow together, and stand by her no matter what.

As she finally finds her voice and speaks out about the true monster, and seeks all the justice she can get. 💞

[jinisspace]

You mentioned on you main blog that you learned all of Blessed Cursed in one day, what else have you learned?

Hi! I've been a dancer since September of 2022 I believe, so I have quite a lot of dances, thank you for showing interest 💗 I'm gonna try to list these in order but I can't promise that it'll be accurate because I truthfully don't remember 😂

2022:

So I was still getting used to dancing so I only managed to learn 3 in those last 4 months of the year (unfortunately)

Wind Blows - Dreamcatcher (My first but now I kinda forgot it)

Maverick - The Boyz

Kill this Love - The Boyz Ver (I forgot this one too....)

2023:

2023 was a busy year for me as a dancer, I managed to learn A LOT and I grew a lot as a dancer, but I only ever started finding my style and learning to have body control at the end of the year (October), anytime before October, I looked awkward and didn't have control over my limbs what's so ever.

The Stealer - The Boyz

Reveal - The Boyz

Crush on U - BAE173 (I don't think I remember this one either)

No Diggity - Oneus

Odd Eye - Dreamcatcher

Dun Dun - Everglow

Roar - The Boyz

Back Down - P1HARMONY

First - Everyglow

Halazia - ATEEZ

Over Me - Overdose {Boys Planet} (Forgot this one too..)

Dice - NMIXX

Pirate King - ATEEZ

Bouncy - ATEEZ

Phantom - WayV

Answer - ATEEZ

Wonderland - ATEEZ

Thunderous - Stray Kids

I'm the one - ATEEZ

Guerilla - ATEEZ

16 Shots - Billlie Ver

Monster - EXO

Baila Conmigo - Oneus

Dune - ATEEZ (Just made up a choreo and now I do it lol)

Rocky - ATEEZ

Lol and me and my sister (who is also a dancer) were in Ateez battle to see who could learn more dances from them, that's why there's so much Ateez 😭

2024

I set a goal to have more variety of dances this year, and learn at least 5 before July, soooo, yeah, I might have gotten a bit too carried away with that -

Purr - Kep1er & VIVIZ

Thanxx - ATEEZ

WADADA - Kep1er

Crazy Form - ATEEZ

Inception - ATEEZ

Midas Touch - Kiss Of Life

Not Okay - ATEEZ

Blessed Cursed - Enhypen

Dr. Bebe - Pentagon

Criminal Love - Enhypen

Antifragile - Le sserafim

Armageddon - æspa

I know I have a lot of ATEEZ in 2024, I don't plan on learning another soon but like- their dances are just too fun 🥹

Bad Villain - Badvillain

+82 - Badvillain

Extras:

These are some that I 'tried' to learn but I couldn't ever rlly get right or stopped learning just because I found another dance that I liked better

Skip Skip - Purple Kiss

Pass The Mic / Future Perfect - Enhypen (Really excited for this one, might learn it soon)

What I said - Victon

To Be or Not to Be - Oneus

Zero - Drippin (Still waiting for that extra Motivation to learn this one)

I think that's it, I learn by member not by the viral parts or whoever is in the middle, so I may update this if I realize I forgot something 😂