#can't be bothered to change all my tags so the old tags still exist

[lost-in-fandoms]

I have no idea where this came from and where it's going. Probably nowhere. No thoughts, just vibes.

cw: implied past character death (i'll put something more specific in the tags)

The street looks the same as when Daniel had left. Same cracked pavement, same uneven sidewalk, only on the left. Even the washed out weeds, insisting on growing where they shouldn't have, look the same.

The fence on the right is maybe a little less red, a little more broken, but the hedge on the left is still cut in the same strictly rectangular shape, so dense you can't see the garden on the other side. His feet seem to remember just how many steps it takes to go from the intersection to the end of the cul-de-sac, stopping exactly where the old bus stop was.

The gate is different. It's jarring, in the sameness of it all, to see something so starkly changed. It used to be white, with rusted and mossy spots all over, a number of bars Daniel had never bothered to count. Nothing like the tall, solid black gate he's looking at now.

He just wanted to look at the garden, at the path, at the front door. He wanted to see if the hydrangeas had survived all these years, if the grass was overgrown, if the multi-colored window on the side of the door was still intact. If the rosemary, without someone carefully keeping it contained, had escaped its flowerbed and invaded the nearby hibiscus.

He had wanted to see if there was any part of him still clinging to the living room windows, to the sun-warmed bricks.

Now, all he can see are the second store windows, all curtains drawn, and the new solar panels on the garage roof.

He shouldn't have come.

There is an ache eating away at his chest, bacteria freed from a petri dish and given his whole insides to feast on, lid broken and thrown away by the first step he had taken out of the car.

Suddenly, as if yanked from the past he's both begging for and resisting, a child's laughter rings through the hot summer air, followed by a gleeful high pitched scream.

He shouldn't have come.

And yet, his feet are stuck on the pavement, and his mind is stuck in the nowhere place that is half in the present and half in a past that no longer exists.

There's another voice in the garden, too low to make out the words, but clearly belonging to a man. Daniel can hear a sliding door open and then close, the sound discordant against his sliding-door-free memories.

He should go.

The tide is already threatening to fill his lungs. The air smells the same, but somehow turns to rot when it reaches the back of his throat.

There's a high beeping sound, then a click, then the smaller gate to the side, the one they always needed to unstuck in the winter, now replaced too, opens.

Before he can stop himself, Daniel gasps, heart jumping in his throat, hope building like a cursed bubble. He's not quick enough to pop it himself, and it explodes right in front of his face, soapy water stinging his eyes, when the man who steps through it is a complete stranger.

The air is shimmering with heat, cicadas' screams swelling, and for a second Daniel thinks: it's not real.

Then the stranger fully exits the gate, square jaw set and eyebrows furrowed, and closes it behind him with a clank.

"Can I ask you who you are and what you are doing in front of my house?" No hellos.

There's an accent there, a rasp cutting through some words, a lisp making itself known into others. A frosty threat thickly slathered on top, icing on an uncut cake, knife into Daniel's hand to slice the tension in the air with.

His brain, still clawing its way back to the present, offers his tongue no words, half open mouth empty. The man raises his eyebrows, crosses his arms. Daniel knows with crystal clear certainty he's going to have the cops called on him very soon, or he's going to be punched. He thinks of the kid laughing and can't find any blame in either option.

"Sorry," he finally manages, stiff vocal cords striding together. The man doesn't look impressed.

Daniel forcefully pulls his brain together, connecting neurons like he's jump starting a car, stuffing memory boxes closed.

"I used to live here, years ago." He tears his eyes away, wishing once again he could see the hydrangeas. His mom had loved the hydrangeas, even when she cursed them every year for being needy fuckers. "When I was a kid."

When he looks back, the man doesn't look quite as tense, something absurdly like recognition in his blue eyes.

"I was in the area, and thought I would check it out," he offers lamely. Just sort of a lie, but he doesn't owe his bleeding soul to this stranger.

"I bought it four months ago," the man says, and Daniel feels weirdly chastised, as if he should have come by sooner.

"I know. I signed the deal." And then spent one whole day in bed, cradling ghosts in his arms underneath the blankets.

The man tilts his head appraisingly, lips slightly pursed. Daniel doesn't know what he's being considered for, but tries his best not too look to lost, or too insane, or too dangerous. He doesn't even know why. Maybe just to avoid the cops.

"There was a picture, in the living room," the man slowly says. Daniel immediately wishes he would stop talking, but his brain is gone again, unable to give words, too busy looking in his memories for the framed photograph he knows the man is talking about. There were four people in the picture, and Daniel had mourned it for years, forgotten on the shelf of the emptied dish cupboard.

Suddenly, fierce protectiveness surges inside him, hands twitching with the need to go back, to hide it from stranger's eyes, to cradle it to his chest so hard he can carve a space for it between his ribs.

"I know you are saying the truth, because you are in it. Smaller." The stranger's lips curve up a bit at his own little joke, but Daniel's don't.

Yeah, of course he had been in it, smiling his still-crooked smile, flash glinting on his braces, curls squished under a baseball cap. His dad's hand on his shoulder.

His insides, all eaten by the fugitive bacteria, are burning, poison seeping from his bloodstream.

"Yeah." He refuses to elaborate. He shouldn't have come. "I'll be going."

He doesn't want to go. He shouldn't have come, but now that he has, he doesn't want to go. Walking away once again feels like something that could kill him.

"You could come back, tomorrow morning, when my daughter isn't here."

Daniel doesn't know what his face is doing, too many feelings slamming into him all at once. He hopes the only one the other man can see is surprise.

"Why?" He shouldn't ask. He should just say okay. He should just say no. He should turn around and walk away, and keep walking and walking until his legs hurt as much as the traitorous hope biting at him again.

"For the picture. And to see the house, if you want." The man says it as if this whole conversation is a test, and Daniel is on the verge of failing. As always, he doesn't know the correct answer. And yet, he knows there's only one he can give.

"Okay." He nods, feeling like he's jumping off the boat without checking for sharks first. Then belatedly, "thank you."

"10 am. If you are a serial killer, I know how to box." The man smiles, as if it was a joke. Daniel doesn't need his full brain capacities to know he's one hundred percent serious.

"I'm not." He almost adds which is exactly what a serial killer would say, but now that the stranger has offered, he does want to come back, doesn't want to ruin his chance with a dumb joke.

"Good."

The man doesn't say goodbye before turning around and pulling a bunch of keys out of his shorts pocket, opening the small gate and walking through, closing it behind himself without a second glance towards Daniel.

As if broken out of a spell, his feet can move again, and he finds himself walking away before he can even make the conscious decision to, his body wanting to hurry along the hours, to shorten the time between now and tomorrow, 10 am.

He barely looks at the road, at the cracked pavement and uneven sidewalk. Impressed on his retinas, the flutter of a curtain on the second floor, and the new name on the doorbell.

Max Verstappen.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook: By Chance

In which Jungkook, simply by chance, meets the soulmate he didn't even believe existed.

Tags/Warnings: Soulmate AU, Idol!Jungkook, angst, fluff

Length: short

Additional Content: Short 1

■▪︎━━━━━━━━━••◇••━━━━━━━━━▪︎■

'Jeon Jungkook, the Idol without a Soulmate...'

'Fans suspect to have found Jungkooks soulmate, company responds...'

'The truth about BTS' Jungkooks soulmate-curse...'

Every article seems to be the same these days.

It's true that a lot of people call his soulmate bond a curse, and he himself sometimes believes it is as well. Because he's not only unable to see color until he looks into his soulmate's eyes, he also has a mark on his wrist, suspected by specialists to be a bond. A red line reaching out for his future partner and lover. It's essentially like a thin blood vessel that sits so high under the skin it appears bright red, and it develops in teens at around 15 years old.

The only issue?

His line looks more like scribbles. It's scrambled, chaotic, broken, doesn't reach anywhere. Research and multiple doctor's visits had only given him the most dire answer there could be.

A broken bond.

His soulmate had passed away before he'd ever gotten to meet them.

For a long time, It hurt. Knowing the only one who could love you fully wasn't alive.

He tried to maybe move on, but falling in love with a person that's not your soulmate is nowadays almost impossible. It's just not the same, and it's always stressful and bound to end in bad blood. It's been seen numerous times before, from celebrities and 'normal' people as well.

Jungkook has simply accepted it.

There's no use in crying over what he can't change, so he rather throws himself into his work and deals with it by distraction rather than daydreaming. He'd done that enough as a kid.

Fans always dream of being his soulmate, and he can understand that. He himself yearns for a partner just as much, so if his existence can give them a bit of a soothing feel, then he's happy to provide it. They won't ever have to deal with watching him find someone that's not them, after all. So he just calls himself everyone's soulmate.

It's him until they find their own.

It's dark tonight, windy, snow still on the streets, making everything a bit slippery, dangerous. He wonders how many people must've fallen at this point. He hopes no one had been seriously injured yet.

Just as he thinks that, something is heard in front of him, and he can only helplessly watch as a short girl slips and crashes onto the concrete, bag of groceries spilling out. "Oh God, are you alright?" He asks eagerly, forgetting for a moment that he shouldn't be seen out as an Idol, rather occupied with trying to attend to you, who's still shaking on the ground, holding your knee. Your black and slightly sheer tights had clearly ripped, stripes of broken fabric already decorating up to your thigh and down your shin. "Hey, let's get all that back into the bag yeah? Did you hurt yourself?" He wonders, because you're clearly crying.

Or are you? Because that sounds suspiciously like laughter.

"Oh my God!" You clearly laugh out now, head thrown back, cat-shaped earrings dangling freely as you cringe with closed eyes for a second. "What a waste of eggs." You giggle, looking at the few broken eggs already spilled out.

"A few are still okay. Is your knee alright? Anything broken?" He asks, a but relieved that you're not in too much pain it seems.

"Yeah yeah, just scratched. AND I can throw those out." You huff, pulling on the broken fabric now before letting it snap back against your skin. Your hands are bloody, just a bit, but it doesn't seem to bother you. "Thanks. God how embarrassing, I hope it's caught on CCTV at least so someone's got a good laugh out of that." You grin, slowly getting up to brush your clothes off of any dust and dirt.

He smiles to himself, putting all your things back into the paper bag- but it's ripped. There's no way you can carry all that on your own. "Uhm.." he says, showing the broken brown paper to you, and you whine bitterly.

"Oh come on!" You complain, crouching down next to him. "Maybe.. ugh I don't know. God I was looking forward to eating that shitty lasagna." You mumble bitterly, probably contemplating what to leave behind.

"I could help you carry some stuff?" He asks, and you look at him for a second.

"Really?" You grin, and he looks oddly frozen now. "You- huh?" Now you notice it too. Then your gaze falls down to the ground. To the orange light from the streetlamp. The green of the bell pepper, and the red packaging of the lasagna.

That's color.

"Holy shit." You gasp out, before you hear Jungkooks quiet voice.

"Thats.. not possible." He almost whispers. "My soulmate is dead." He murmurs more or less to himself.

"I-what? No, I'm clearly alive! Okay a bit scratched up but hey, damaged goods are still okay?" You joke, but he seems genuinely confused. He shows you his wrist, his oddly shaped bonding line, and you compare it to yours.

It's tiny. Barely there. Just a single, short line.

"Oh, I think I get it now." You say.

"Huh?" He wonders, looking at you. His heart is beating out of his chest.

"I had an accident when I was younger, around 11 or 12. They had to resuscitate me four times. I was basically dead for like, I don't know, really." You explain. "Maybe that fucked up your bond? I'm really clumsy, sorry." You laugh, and suddenly, he laughs too. Because One look at you, and he knows.

Not just because of the colors-

But because he would've fallen in love with your smile anyway.

♥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

[phantoms-lair]

Trying to Organize my writing brain, so writing this to get it out of my brain meats

FFXIV x BnHA

When Izuku is (second/third grade age) he and his mother are caught in one of the early instant villain attacks. And the guy who was tagged may have had enough secondary mutations to look like he had a heteromorphic quirk, but his actual quirk was a warper. And dosed up on trigger it was enough to warp the two people closest to him (Inko and Izuku) clear to another world

Inko and Izuku are zapped to Hydaelan and are quickly found by a minstrel who seems to have some kind of precog quirk and a man with a cat quirk

The two explain that they're on another world, this has happened before and usually sorts itself, but they're happy to help

It shows no signs of sorting itself out. The adventurer mentions he at least has a house he doesn't use often in Limsa, so offers to let them stay there

Inko and Izuku are flabbergasted to discover quirks flat out don't exist in this world. Inko is literally the only quirked person on the planet.

Izuku realized in this world being quirkless wouldn't stop him from being a hero!

He's bummed to learn he still can't be a hero because that's not a job here. Like there's adventurer, but that can run the gamut from errand boy to god-killer.

The adventurer (Aki Sha'gai) helps them settle in. He teaches them about this world and things like using Aetherite travel, and listens when Inko reminisces about her old friends and Izuku talks about heroes and quirk theory. When it becomes obvious they have no way home Inko decides to get a job and he gets her an interview at the Bismark. Her knowledge of 'Doman' cuisine gets her in the door instantly.

There's a bottle of Fantasia in the house. Their host said they were free to use it as he had no use for it, but didn't want to sell a gift.

Izuku had body image problems. Nothing directly tied to appearance, but spending a lot of his formative years being told his body was wrong stuck with him. He knows at one point he's going to use it, but tries to hold out.

He eventually gives in and after playing with races and gender presentation in his dream, ends up becoming a Mi'quote like Sha'gai-san. (Roegdalyn and Hrothgar just felt too far from his image to himself, Elezen too close, and he didn't want to be short forever to Lalafell was out. He basically coin-tossed between Mi'quote, Veira, and Au Ra)

Upon waking up his mother inquired about the change and panicking (still doesn't want to tell her about the bullying) blurts out that he wanted to look more for that Dad that had to travel for work but always came back and listened and cared for him, as opposed to the man who abandoned him without a second thought.

Inko cries because she didn't realize her separation from Hisashi had bothered him so much. Aki was just 'He sees me as a father?' and immediately becomes full Dad. Izuku's okay with this.

It actually takes years for Izuku to realize his new Da is this world's equivalent to All Might. (He heard stories of the Warrior of Light, but never by given name. And none of Da's friends call him that.

It's not until he take Inko and Izuku on a vacation that they hear him referred to as such and Izuku needs a bit to cope

Aki and Inko are not in a relationship, they're just co-raising a kid

Izuku starts studying Red Magic and hope to be an Adventurer and a member of the Scions (aka his Aunts and Uncles).

Meanwhile All For One repurposes the quirk that sent them there to turn it into Warp Gate. The destruction of the original quirk reverses it's effect. Izuku and Inko are home

Neither are as happy about that as they thought they'd be. But at least between his magic and his cat mutation no one's saying Izuku can't be a hero

Bakugou: Why are you a cat?!?!

Izuku still end up in Class 1-A, doing much better as he actually knows how to control his powers here.

USJ happens. Izuku has hi rapier and is ready to fight to the bitter end to protect his classmates

The air opens with a crack and the Warrior of Light breaks through, having been trying to find his son since he and Inko vanished off the face of the Earth

The League of Villains have a bad time

[fanartka]

can you tag your mid ass AI art so nobody gotta look at that crap thanks 🌹

My answer is "No."

And this is the line beyond which my patience finally ceases to be patient.

@docty-strange If you can't see beauty, then maybe you shouldn't force your radical opinion on those who don't need it.

AI is a tool with which a person can translate his ideas, his thoughts from words into an image, a way for an artist to create something in a style different from his own and sometimes adopt an idea, a well-generated fold of a patterned garment or something similar to use already in what he draws with his own hands.

This is not an enemy, not a devil, it is not even intelligence, it is a tool, like Photoshop and other programs, including programs that people use to improve the quality of screenshots and photos, by the way.

I am old enough to remember heated discussions about the idea that digital artists are not real artists, but just hacks. And although I'm not old enough to remember the Luddites, I'm sure they had very similar rhetoric when they broke machines that only improved people's lives.

Every time something new appears, most people perceive it as a threat. There are still people who blame smartphones and computers for all human ills, just as a few centuries ago fanatics believed that the devil sat in the clock and turned the mechanism. I think our ancestors, who first began to use sharpened stones instead of fists, were also perceived as something strange and threatening. But this is just progress.

The world is changing. AI isn't perfect, it has a problem with human fingers and there are some legal issues that need to be ironed out, but this thing allows people to create beauty that wouldn't otherwise exist. AI helps in scientific calculations, including medical calculations, and much more.

Oh, and thank god I don't have to buy marble, hire a sculptor, and figure out where to find space for a Strange statue in my apartment, because I can see what such a statue would look like with the help of AI.

But pestering other people with all sorts of nasty things and demanding that they do as you would like is unacceptable. Seriously, when haters come to my inbox, most of them are homophobes who claim that Stephen would never love a guy and demand that I stop disgracing him, or with statements like that.

AI can make beauty, but you can only produce hatred and bother people with your demands. If you don't like it, don't watch it. That's how the Internet works.

Take it back 🌹 You know what to do with it.

[azems-familiar]

this is a pinned post i guess

Welcome to my blog!

My name is Liadan or Lee, but I'll respond to various shortenings of the urls I've had over the years, so don't feel fussed to change how you think of me in your head if that's the case. I'm in my mid-20s and have been on this hellsite since 2016. I use either they/them or xe/xem pronouns and am a trans, bigender, ace butch, happily engaged to my qpp @ipreferfiction. I am proship, anti-censorship, and not afraid to use the block button if you start causing me problems.

I don't have sideblogs so all content I find interesting or relevant will be here on this blog. Ask to tag if there's something you'd like to filter out - I can't guarantee I'll remember it, but I do my best. All politics go under #politics. Big current events will usually go under #current events if I remember. I try to tag fandoms but that doesn't always particularly work. My personal textpost tag is #ramblings. For things I create, look under #my edits (screenshots/virtual photography), #my writing (snippets and whatnot), and #my fic (full-length fic posts or links). My ask tag is #asked and answered; my tag game tag is #things i'm tagged in; any ask games I reblog will be tagged with #ask me thiiings. Ultimately, this is my own personal space; I will do my best to adjust for other people's comfort but I won't completely put myself into a box for it.

If we're mutuals, I will politely ask you to tag posts with bug pictures/etc in them with #bug - I have a bug phobia and while I do my best to curate on my own, sometimes i still get images on my dash and that's definitely not the most enjoyable thing.

My current main fandom is ffxiv, but there will be occasional posting about star wars (especially swtor and kotor), dragon age (especially with the new game coming out), mass effect, and other various things I find interesting. I have ocs in most of the above fandoms, and tag them all as #oc: [name here]! Just in case you'd like to go looking for them.

There will be Lalafell/Non-Lalafell shipping on this blog. If that bothers you, unfollow me/block me/hit the back arrow now. I will not tolerate harassment for it. This is your only warning.

FFXIV OC Directory

Links will be added here as I write actual posts for these guys! First name is their current incarnation as of the Seventh Astral Era, second is their original, Unsundered, ancient self. Any in-between reincarnations will be in bulleted lists beneath the main headings.

Lelesu Lesu // Seleukos (MAIN)

G'lyhhia Heleh (Third Astral Era)

Rhaya Wolndara // Kyriaki

Savvel // Athanasios

Seika Valeriant // Psyche

Fic Directory

I use various pseuds on AO3 to separate by fandom. That said...

FFXIV fics:

your boldness stands alone among the wreck (series): Catch-all series for everything related to Lelesu's and Corrain's shared universe. Childhood friends Helios and Seleukos rise to prominence in their society, building a home for themselves, only to watch it all come crashing down during worldwide calamity. Lelesu and Corrain, both chosen by Hydaelyn, struggle to navigate the life of a hero among personal griefs, world-ending threats, far too many politics, thirteen-thousand-year-old pasts returning to haunt them...and the trials and tribulations of crushes.

in the shadow of the sun (series): Broken by grief inflicted during the Final Days and tempered to Zodiark besides, Azem - an Unsundered Ascian - discovers the fragmented soul of their lost best friend in Corrain, the Warrior of Light. Unable to stay away from him, Azem slowly learns how to live again among the loss, and how to look to the future instead of stay mired in a nostalgia- and pain-tinted view of the past that never truly existed.

Both the above series are cowritten with @sunderedazem, and Corrain and Helios belong to him.

All Star Wars fics can be found here

MDZS/The Untamed

[alteration-au]

I am rambling a lot in this post. If you see this because I tagged you, I just wanna tell you that you and your art, be it writing or drawing, is amazing so you don’t have to read through this entire thing.

As of the 25th of December 2023 this AU is three years old

(Well, to be 100 % accurate it was the 20th with a little oneshot)

Putting it all together (according to AO3 statistics and excluding all the tumblr post on the @traitor-on-board story blog and the very few on @adventure-time-alterationau) I've written 126,855 words for this AU in the past three years.

According to my word document I have for ToB, that Blog has additionally 46,258 words alone.

The whole Henry Stickmin fandom is special to me. It's unlike any other fandom I've ever read comics and fanfics, admired fanart and animations or created content myself for.

It's fun to create for this fandom.

We've been given so many characters with so little background information and one of the things I love the most is seeing all the different designs, backstories and characterizations of the same characters. Be it the ones in the background with only a bio with a single sentence, the references to other games like Mario and A hat in time or the main characters like Henry, Charles, Ellie, Reginald and so on.

And I've barely seen people argue about their different headcanons.

Granted, I've grown past the part of my life where I actively seek out drama and noone is obligated to publicly or at all answer rude anonymous asks, but I haven't really seen anyone make a post about how a certain character can't be trans or gay or have a certain type of backstory that they do not agree with.

We can all be peaceful and appreciate each others creativity and love for the fandom and characters. Even if that love means to put them through hell and back and traumatize them beyond belief. (I've never written so much angsty stuff in my life...)

So... in celebration of me not having abandoned any of my stories yet and me roping my friend into this fandom to the point where they share their work with this fandom (btw. "Rare Hearts" on AO3) a thank you to all the blogs / people, aside from every single Kudo, Comment and Star on Wattpad, AO3 and here, who inspired me in the first place and keep my love for this fandom alive. And if you've made it this far I highly encourage you to check them out.

@ending-the-cycle-ask (Which is one of my favorite comics of all time. Is it a comic? Ask-blog with drawings? Comic with reader-input?)

ask-crashed-copperright and run-away-toppats (Which sadly doesn't seem to exist anymore...)

@sir-subpar and @jazzstarrlight (Who both seemed to have moved on from the fandom. But it doesn't change that they're both talented artists and are still doing great work)

@ask-thsc-blog (Who has so many posts that I'll just finally need to take an entire weekend off to scroll all the way down to catch up with the story again)

@unicwolf (Who I am constantly bothering to beta-read my stuff or help me with color theory. And just art in general)

@capturecharlesau (Whos' Terrence (and entire AU) will never leave my brain again because of his story and the similarities and differences he has to my Terrence. And my Terrence would try to murder CCTerrence)

[seedling-lotus]

okay, I saw map things and it reminded me of my own mapping project that i've poured waaaaaay too much time into so now you get to see me rant about it...

or not because imma hide it under a read more... But i'm still gonna tag it!

Anyway, so!

because the fic I was reading for a completely different fandom just wasn't providing the dopamine, my lovely brain decided that I needed to go find all of the locations for everything in DGM, or as closely as I possibly could, because Hoshino-sensei exists to drive me insane... And so does the fandom wiki...

So yeah. So trying to locate things. Some places were easier than others. Some places I still have to add. 😭

New Order HQ? Took me a while, but I fuckin' found it... Or, well, found an island that looks like it could match.

of course, the Wiki says both that it's in "Southern Europe" and also somewhere mentions that it's in Britain, which is just... Nope, that island in particular is part of France. Close though. Of course, I don't have access to the source material that the wiki seems to be referencing, so what do I know...

The wiki also says that old HQ is in generic "Northern Europe" and also "Unknown location in Scandinavia" which, again, the source appears to be the fanbook that I do not have and cannot reference for myself. Not going to lie, old HQ is virtually impossible to place. There is not a single place on this planet that I could find within Northern Europe or more specifically Scandinavia that would be a good geographic fit. I mean, I know there are rock formations sort of similar, but nothing or that size. I gave up finding a perfect match after two days of beating my head against it and just went for somewhere most likely to have that kind of geographic feature. After my few successes with finding "exact" locations for some of the places in DGM, it really really bothers me that I can't place that one definitively.

and then there's freaking Barcelona. Barcelona bothers me. It bothers me a lot. I cannot find anywhere in the Manga that actually mentions what city they were in at the time. But I remember that it was Barcelona. (Was it in the anime??? I cannot remember) The problem with Barcelona being... the map doesn't match... We've got at least one clear overhead shot of the city in the manga, and it doesn't really look like Barcelona. It does, however, look a lot like Prague. (and the fact that I knew that off the top of my head before confirming it makes me question my life choices more than a little.)

So this is from Chapter 43.

(I am weeping, I had so much typed and I just accidentally "undo"ed it and now I can't get it back... gods damn it)

ANYWAYS

So what I had said was that we can see that the image of Barcelona is a lot more gridlike of a city structure and more organized and yes I acknowledge that DGM is a "Fictional end to the 19th century" and city structure can change over time, It usually doesn't change that much. Below is a screenshot of the map of Prague from Google maps for comparison.

My second point of evidence is this Cathedral-like structure from the page prior:

The only cathedral I can find in Barcelona has 4 spires where the drawing only has 2. "But simplifying for ease of drawing" Yeah, no, I get that, but look at them and tell me that the cathedral in Prague doesn't look more like the drawing?

But my biggest issue with Barcelona? The river. Yes, there's a river in Barcelona. It's tiny though, and none of the bridges spanning it are more than two spans across.

and here's Barcelona's river vs Prague's river:

Barcelona:

(also, if Barcelona ever had pretty old bridges like the one drawn, they all appear to have been replaced by ugly modern ones)

And here's Prague:

(and yes, I know, the Prague bridge doesn't match either, but it matches better)

So yeah, Barcelona bothers me. It's not impossible that it's Barcelona, but it bothers me.

The American Branch though? That one I'm proud of.

So, again, it's not 100% perfectly correct, but I think that the American branch might be one of the closest to a spot on location that I actually managed. (The literal only way I could get a more accurate location would be to actually drive my ass to Arizona, and that's just not in the cards.)

Also, may I just say that this particular line, which I have confirmed is the way this place is described in the Manga... This exists to infuriate the British and the Scottish...

That was pulled from the wiki. THIS is pulled from chapter 230 of the manga:

Now I know someone in the fandom and on tumblr has already pointed this one out, but

Edinstown does not exist. In England or otherwise.

THIS particular landmark is in Scotland. EdinBURG Scotland.

And before someone yells at me, Eddingston isn't right either. Eddington (without the S) is a place in England, but it does not have that landmark.

The landmark in question being the Dugald Stewart Monmuent on Calton Hill in Edinburg, Scotland.

So that one caused a dew LOLs once I went back and found the post I reblogged with that information. source

Oh! so yeah, so Guangzhou... Guangzhou also bothers me a smidge...

So according to the Wiki (which seems to get most of it's info from the Fanbook that I don't have)... You know what, I might have it, but it's in Japanese, and I can only speak and read English so really, that's on me... Anyway...

So Guangzhou. China. The port city that theoretically is where they set sail from. And is also where Anita's brothel is.

And once again acknowledging that landscapes have been changed over time by humans. I get that. HOWEVER.

So Timcampy gives us a lovely view of the city and the harbor in question.

And 1 chapter later we get this view of them leaving:

Now I know, I KNOW, this is set in, at the very latest, 1899. I know that the harbor will have changed since then and Google maps is only going to show me the most modern version.

However...

This is Modern Guangzhou:

Note how it's set a little more inland? How they'd be able to see land across the harbor? and it's more in a river delta, flatter.

However, there is a port city relatively close to Guangzhou that does look a lot more like the port drawn in the manga:

And yes, yes, I know "but there's no land masses in the Manga and that's why you said Guangzhou was out." True, but most of these landmasses are over 3 miles away, and the horizon is only 3 miles away due to the curvature of the earth, so it does make a little more sense.

Now I know that the Manga doesn't show an Island and yeah, it's not exactly the same, but it's definitely way closer visually. (Also, Hoshino-sensei, I love you dearly, but please... Guangzhou is not the largest/main port city in China....)

Am I doing everything Wildly out of order? Absolutely. I'd say sue me but please don't. I am so broke.

Next up! The Izu Peninsula! (and another iteration of Hoshino-sensei making me want to cry... For map making purposes. Plot related purposes don't count. That's her job)

So in chapter 76, Chomesuke says this:

And then, in Chapter 77 we see this:

And ignoring all plot related crying from this point of the story, the Izu Peninsula was a difficult one to place. Not finding it on the map, but finding torii gates that are set up like this...

And you may be going "But it's Japan, how hard can it be to find torii gates set up like that?"

HARD

Gods damn it all. You wanna know why? because the fuckload of torii gates going straight up a damn mountain is something that exists. Famous enough that even I know what it looks like and I'm a stupid little white girl from America who has never left the western hemisphere. The problem with that particular set of torii gates that this panel and all related panels are based off of? yeah, that particular land mark is in the middle of Tokyo and nowhere near water...

And they are definitely still in the boat and still in water here...

here's my evidence for the Torii gates in Tokyo:

yes I am going to make you go google that yourselves if you really want to fact check me because this post is already a monster and I am too lazy to put in a hyperlink.

Anyways

So the only even remotely similar feature on the Izu peninsula that I could find is on an even smaller peninsula

1

and they look a little more like this in real life:

2

But hey, creative license and all that jazz. And while the Izu peninsula is close to Tokyo (which would have been called Edo back in the time period of canon), it's not that close, so it's probably a good day's walk if not longer for them to get there... which i think we may have skipped due to the magic of "anime physics" but you know what, fuck it. at this point I've stopped asking questions

(this is absolutely a lie, but shhhhhh)

And I have gone over my picture limit so I'll include the pictures on a reblog (if it lets me... I think it will... I'll get back to you on that... ish, maybe)

[belle--ofthebrawl]

Behold My Interests That I consider Foundational To Me (under the cut. Too much yapping).

Thank you for the tag Miasma! Tagging @coffeeghoulie @mac-and-thefox and @stuffikindalike and @ghnosis well as YOU reading this if you really want to do it but can't wait for a tag. This is it. This is your tag.

Death Note - Creative enjoyer. I had so many friends on Quizilla before it went down. I was also constantly cosplaying L since the baggy shirt and jeans made it easier to deal with everything going on with my body at that point in time. Matt too, my poor idiot. But now his death makes me laugh. "You won't shoot" (proceeds to die of hundred bullet wounds) I wanted to fuck mello and also be him but I was too Catholic to understand or even have the language for these feelings at that point in my life. (Death note yaoi did in fact significantly change my way of thinking.)

Xxxholic/Reservoir Tsubasa: Passive enjoyer. Loved yuuko.

Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro and Soul Eater (they aren't related): passive but really wanted Neuro's hair/Soul Eater's outfit. Mom said no and also what do you mean it's a demon detective and also what are you doing when I'm not looking and also I am installing a block on the computer. (Opening songs still slap a decade and a half or so later)

Cirque du Freak: passive enjoyer. We don't!! Talk!! About!! The Movie!! I loved Cirque du Freak. It destroyed me and ground the pieces to ash. You should also read cirque du Freak.

Fire Emblem Sacred Stones: creative enjoyer. I wish my mom hadn't tossed my tote bag of notebooks filled with godawful fics about this game. I was so obsessed with it. 

Golden Sun/GS: The lost Age: creative enjoyer. See above note concerning tote bag.  There's so much I could say about these two games. I still have my old GBA color...I really want to play them again. Collect all the djinn. Make Felix and Piers swap stat boosting rings and pretend they're married. The story telling might not be the greatest but goddamn it Weyard was and still remains the home of my heart. monsters and weird Alchemy nonsense no withstanding. There's a third game but I'm not interested in it. I sunk so many hours into TLA...navigating those damn whirlpools...

Final Fantasy 15: Passive Enjoyer. Prompto was My Boy. but since my copy is loooong lost my interest died down. Still have my favorite fics bookmarked though. Should give them a re read.

Homestuck: creative? I think? I had so many Aspect tshirts...a friend made us matching Dreamer jammies. There's more I could say but honestly it highly involves my personal life that I've put behind me. I'm just glad I have the good memories still. (I was NOT involved in any of the horror stories that gave the fandom a bad name. Need to say that, for my own peace of mind.)

Skyrim- creative enjoyer. I have been writing fic about this game since it came out twelve years ago but it's all in my head. I only just started putting it to paper with my dozenth reiteration of my beloved DB. My brother and I really bonded over this game too, and when he decided he was "too old" for videogames, I took the character he made for our universe and I kept the story going. A very exhausted single father has one child that will save the world and another who is convinced it's all a dream and isn't real so why bother at all?  By extension, this includes other games in the elder scrolls universe but since I insist on having physical media, they aren't as readily accessible. Soon, though...soon. (stares at Morrowind with obvious and barely concealed lust)

TMNT- Passive enjoyer.  I watched the old 80's cartoon a lot whenever we visited my grandma and the first and second live action movies with the puppets were pretty much on repeat at home. The third one does not exist :). I do want to get started on the comics but I don't know if I can emotionally handle The Last Ronin. I really enjoyed ROTTMNT. Didn't get a chance to see Mutant Mayhem in theater. I enjoyed the Bay movies for what they were: explosions and easy laughs and also my childhood crush on Megan Fox.

Transformers: Passive enjoyer. I read all of MTMTE/LL a few years back. Didn't like how it ended. We deserved better than that. See above IRT live action movies and again, Megan Fox. 

Bioshock: Passive Enjoyer. I still get a weird feeling in my chest when I think about the good ending with the Little Sisters where you adopt them as your daughters instead of using them for your own purpose.

Dune: Passive Enjoyer. Help. Why does Duncan Idaho keep coming back. 

Kushiel's Dart: Passive Enjoyer. Phedre's books are phenomenal. Not interested in the other series. Would like to get her Marque as a tattoo somewhere.

Discworld: Passive Enjoyer but in the most passionate passive way ever. I am collecting all of the books. I have a yearly re read of Night Watch (may 25th) and Hogfather (December 24th/25). This portrayal of Death made me less afraid of dying and also less suicidal. "Lord, what can the harvest hope for if not the care of the Reaper Man?" can make me tear up if it catches me in the right mood. I want a tattoo of the  Guarding Dark. I base my Cirrus off of Adora Belle Dearheart (kind of). If I go into the ways Pratchett (GNU) and Gaiman have changed/saved my life we will be here forever. Look up a reading guide and decide which Discworld series you might be interested in starting with. I recommend Death and Witches first, google will tell you which books are in those series. The City Watch is good too. Don't start with Rincewind unless you want to start with Rincewind. It has a lot of Early Installment Weirdness. Lots of one off books too in case you don't want to start a series: The Truth, Monstrous Regiment and Small Gods are highly recommended. 

Ghost: idk, I just started listening to them but I think they might be really big you guys. You should check them out.

𝕱𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖔𝖒 𝖙𝖆𝖌 𝖌𝖆𝖒𝖊 ✨

I saw this little fandom game thingie on another site and I really liked it, so I decided to bring it over here to tumblr while my apple pen charges. I’m also going to change up the rules. I’m going to list the fandoms I’ve been in, and classify them by:

Passive enjoyer = simply enjoyed it and the fan content made for it OR Creative enjoyer = actively made art, fanfic, cosplay, etc etc etc.

I’m going to tag people here but no pressure if you don’t want to do it! @miasmaghoul @lonelymentality @copiasjuicebox @iamthecomet @thediktatortot Also if you see it and want to do it, feel free.

Game under the cut since mine will be long<3

Harry Potter - creative enjoyer - My very first. This shit was a family affair in my house. I went to watch parties, themed parties. I cosplayed shittily, wrote shitty fanfic, and my walls were plastered floor to ceiling in teen magazine posters. Went to the Exhibition. Every second movie would come out in July so I would pretend it was like a birthday gift to me.

Twilight - creative enjoyer - Jfc. Don’t get me started. I still have my Edward action figure whose now missing both hands. Used to write self insert fanfic on quizzilla.com. RIP you beast of a website

The Walking Dead - passive enjoyer - This was also a family affair. Every sunday we would all gather round our shitty TV for the newest episode. I was more of a liveblogger than anything else. My dad has a bit to this day that ‘Hershel isn’t dead. He’ll be back.’ Yeah, sure dad.

Legend of Zelda - creative enjoyer - For most of my childhood I was passive, only really doodling Twilight Princess stuff sometimes. Then BOTW came out and it all changed.

Lord of the Rings - passive enjoyer - I look at Legolas and Aragorn. That’s enough for me. I don’t need creative works because I just need to look at them.

Marvel (Spider-man and Loki mostly) - creative enjoyer - I’ve been drawing these guys since birth, for better or for worse. MCU can suck my nuts but so can Loki franchise /sex DC (Batman) - creative enjoyer - Batman the Animated series did something bad to me. Now I draw Joker sometimes. Watch out, stay safe out there

Sherlock and Doctor Who - passive enjoyer - I’m putting these two together since I never really made fan art or anything, but I did attend watch parties for both on several occasions.

Supernatural - creative enjoyer - Sighs. Sighs even harder. Somewhere out there, deep in the depths of fanfic.net there’s miles of really really really bad fanfic. Somewhere…. Final Fantasy VII - creative enjoyer - Sighs far more dreamily. My favvvvv my ultimate fav. Sephiroth is my fictional other and LOMF. Many, many arts of him throughout every sketchbook I own. Also some fanfics IIRC.

TF2 - creative enjoyer - I used to draw Medic and Pyro kissing<3

Homestuck - creative enjoyer - War flashbacks. Not only was I a semi-well known fanartist, I was also a semi-well known cosplayer in my city. I was a ‘friendleader’ in my cities Homestuck fangroup and attended events, dances, etc etc etc. I was on a cosplay gif blog here on Tumblr. I ran the second most popular groupchat on MSPARP.com before it was MXRP.com. I had beef with mods. Most of my relationships at that time were forged in the fires of LOHAC. I still see my art of Dave in MCR black parade uniform around sometimes. Dramatical Murder - creative enjoyer - To no ones surprise. Yeah. I like the yaoi dissociation game. Dream Daddy - creative enjoyer - SHOUTOUT DREAM DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Evil priest Joseph lovers rise UP. Didn’t do much, but there’s some art floating around out there.

Voltron: LD - passive enjoyer - Thank GOD I never made anything for this. However, I was active in the kin community so thats a huge L. I also ate uppppp stuff about it and sheith still fucks.

Overwatch - creative enjoyer - Sometimes you’re a Genji main and the world is so so hard for you. That’s how I used to live my life, then I got better.

Final Fantasy XV - creative enjoyer - Second LOMF. My old art blog is stocked full of chocobro content, mostly fanart of the boys and meme redraws. Also used to cosplay Noctis CONSTANTLY! Here’s an old tiktok

The Band Ghost and Sleep Token - creative enjoyer - (((((((: Hi guys

[all-for-geek]

Reunion

Hey guys! So this is technically the third part of a trilogy of fics I wrote. The first being Horrifying Revelations and the second being Severed Ties (that one is two parts). I don't know how to link on this app and it hates mobile users (which I primarily am). It should make sense as a stand alone but if you're curious I'm working on tagging all of my stories under #my story, so look here. Sorry for any confusion and enjoy the story!

Shane groaned as he came to with a blinding headache. He hadn't felt pain like that since the crusades. He went to rub the back of his head, but he found that his hands were bound to the chair he was sitting in. His eyes widened as the pieces began to click into place. He remembered Ryan's face as he fell into unconsciousness. No. Not Ryan-

"Well doesn't this bring back old memories," a smug voice said from behind Shane.

"Let him go Ricky." Shane struggled to break out of his binds, but the salt circle around him held him in place.

"No I don't think so. I like this body. It suites me, don't you think?" Ricky stepped in front of Shane. He had a put on Ryan's nice suit. The one they had busted out for the bit for the treasure episode. Shane glared into Ricky golden eyes instead of responding.

"You know you used to be a lot more fun."

"You used to not try and sell me off to the highest bidder."

"You can't honestly believe that I was ever going to actually let him take you. I had every intention of letting you go once the time was right."

Shane laughed despite himself. "You honestly expect me to believe that load of bullshit."

Ricky ignored Shane and moved behind him again. He returned with a worn book with scorch marks all over it.

"Can you believe that Ryan just had this laying in his house? He must be one paranoid man."

"No actually. I can't."

Ricky smirked. "You always were the smart one, weren't you Tinsley."

"That's not who I am anymore."

Ricky burst into laughter. "Now look whose full of shit. You might have changed your name and skipped town, but you are the exact same demon who shot me all those years ago."

Shane didn't acknowledge Ricky and chose to study the book he was holding. It was handwritten in nearly unreadable demonic glyphs. Nearly. Shane could read just enough for his face to pale as he understood the spell that Ricky was casting.

"You can't be serious..."

"I'm a serious man Tinsley. Always have. Always will be."

"Ricky you don't understand. Banishing me to Limbo won't effect me the same way that it effected you."

"That's what I'm counting on."

"I'll die Ricky! Demons aren't built to exist without a body. With no way to get back hell or a body to possess, I'll simply fade away."

For a brief fleeting moment, Ricky seemed to flinch, but just as quickly, he replied, "I fail to see a downside."

Shane started to panic. This couldn't be how it ends. He searched frantically for a way out, a missing spot in the salt circle, anything, but there was nothing. There was only one thing he could think of to do, and it was downright stupid.

"Ryan..."

Ricky stopped the ritual in shock at what Shane was trying to do. He burst into laughter. "Wow! You must be really desperate Tinsley."

Shane didn't even bother to acknowledge him. "Ryan, I know you can hear me. I've possessed enough people to know." Shane let out a grunt as a sharp pain spiked through his body.

"Tick tock Tinsley. You're time's almost up."

"I know you don't have the best opinion of demons," Shane continued through gritted teeth. "I know you're probably mad, scared even. I wouldn't blame you for wanting me to be out of your life."

Shane looked up, but he didn't look at Ricky. He looked at the bright light in his eyes that was Ryan's soul. He could see it glowly a little brighter behind the golden irises.

"But we were friends Ryan. I hope that we still are. I never would or have done anything to hurt you."

Shane convulsed as his body felt like it was burning up inside. He could the spell almost completing.

"Ryan...please...my friend...I would do anything." Shane tried to blink back the unconsciousness as he felt his body fading away.

For a moment, it was dark. Shane couldn't feel his form. He couldn't feel anything. He was simply drifting. Drifting up...and up...and then it like the gravity doubled as he came crashing down.

Shane gasped a breath as he regained his senses. The rope that was holding him had been cut loose and the salt circle had been broken. Shane took in the mess that was the rest of the room. The ritual had been smashed and torn to shreds. Ryan's body sat in the middle of it with the charred remains of the spellbook next to him.

Shane stood slowly as he got feeling back in his legs and made his way slowly to what he hoped was Ryan. He could still feel Ricky's presence, but he was so weak that he couldn't tell if it was in control or not. Shane prayed to anything that would listen that he was walking towards his friend.

"Shane..."

Shane grinned as Ryan turned his face and stared him with wide, brown eyes. He stood there, unsure of what to do. He didn't know where they stood anymore. His answer was given when Ryan envoloped him in a large hug.

"We are friends," Ryan stated.

"Thanks, buddy." Shane pulled out of the hug. "What about Ricky?"

Ryan's smile faltered slightly. "I have him under control. I won't let him hurt you or anyone else."

"We can get you an exorcism. I'll call up Father Thomas. I'll-"

"Ricky's not a demon Shane. An exorcism won't work."

Shane stopped in his tracks as he thought it through. Ryan was right. The rites used today are designed to be used against demons. Ghosts aren't tied to the same rules.

"Well I guess you are the supernatural expert." Shane chuckled.

"You ever doubted." Ryan wheezed before a somber look over came him again. He began to walk out of what Shane could now recognize as Ryan's apartment. "I'll deal with Ricky if I have to, but until then..." A devilish glint passed over Ryan's eye. "I believe that you offered something for kicking Ricky out."

"A demon is always true to their word. Besides, you did just save my life."

"Cancel the Hotdoga."

Shane was taken aback for a moment, but he saw the mischieveous glint in Ryan's eyes everytime he does a bit and feigned shock. "You expect me to abondone my greatest masterpiece."

"It's horse shit and you know it."

"Alright. Alright. I'm a demon of my word." Ryan chuckled as he made his way up the stairs. Shane shouted after him, "But just know that the next thing I make will be even weirder!"

[sly-merlin]

KILLING ME - 12 |n.y

pairing : law student!reader + yuta

genre :    angst , mafia au/ arranged marriage au.

warnings of this chapter : mentions of blood and brutality. For future chapters, major character death(s).

words : 

summary : “life’s never fair y/n. realise it as soon as you can . it is the only secret for living a regretless life.”                                  

or              

“  curiousity got the cat hitched”

K.M masterlist

A/n : this was supposed to be a longer chapter. The Tumblr was bring problematic since three days. This is not how the chapter was supposed to end but i couldn't post anything longer than this so i had to make changes to end it on a surprise tone like other chapters. I hope you still enjoy it.

Was he asking for too much?

His unsteady hand rose and fell, internal monologue stopping him from knocking on the door. Johnny wasn't sure how he even ended up outside taeyong's door. One second he was fighting with his thoughts and the next second he found himself jumping out of his car, almost ready to confront the person behind the door. 

He took a deep breath and was about to drum the wood when the door opened from inside, taeyong's sleepy figure greeting him instantly.

"John. Why are you here so late? Do you need something?"  from red pressed strikes on taeyong’s face, anyone would have guessed that he had been sleeping.

“Johnny! I’m talking to you.” he waved his hand in front of johnny’s distracted eyes.

“Huh” 

“Do you want something?”

“y/n.”

Your life was back on the wagon. Not truly but with a few exceptions here and there, it certainly felt like the old days. You were in chois on weekdays and took tuitions on the weekends. You met your friends while visiting the library and everything felt quite normal. Even with a few oddities, that being the five day training sessions with Jungwoo, some new people in your life, a residence that you felt happy coming back to, absence of someone that you’d never grown a liking for, everything was smooth. Just like before. The only thing you missed was some time. Time for yourself. Though you lived alone, which was a luxury nearing its end, you barely got a few minutes alone with your mind and that was something you craved more than the drink shoved in your hand at the moment. 

You loved your friends, without any doubt, but they lived with the bad habit of disregarding your feelings, feelings that said you would be anywhere but the restaurant you were sitting in. 

“y/n is going into hibernation again.” minjun’s voice broke your trance.

“What did you say?" You challenged him but he cowered in his seat and turned his focus on the soggy french fries instead. When he silenced, yugyeom spoke up, 

“Yo y/n. Don’t scare the child. Just drink away your sorrows. The wine is quite expensive here. If you are making me pay then at least make it worth it."

Suddenly, Jungkook's loud snorting caught everyone's attention as they all quietened, waiting for him to reveal the reasons for his action. Swirling his burgundy glass, he chugged the last bit of the drink before leaning backwards in his chair, relaxing himself.

"Now what's the drama with You" Yeong grumbled, clearly intoxicated. 

"She's already hammered" minjun giggled. 

"When are you going to invite us to your house y/n?" Jungkook chimed in, a smirk plastered on his blushed face. 

"Oh yes. Ms. Lawyer no more l-lives i-in the d-dorms." Yeong hiccupped, losing the grip on the bottle of soju. Yugyeom chuckled at her antics before snatching the bottle away to avoid any fuss.

"I also meant to ask you but you are never available for more than an hour or so. Are you doing alright" gyeom shifted his chair towards you while keeping a hand on his girlfriend's back.

You didn't know how to reply or what to trump up so they'd stop pestering you. However, you had no other choice than to continue with the streak you had started a few months ago.

"Of course i want to have you there but my roommate is very, how to explain, very bitchy. He got this corporate job and he-he works from home so I'm supposed to pretend like I do not exist and keep quiet. That includes no outsiders as well. It's gonna be like this for a few months i guess"

You mumbled the last part.

 You averted your eyes but didn't mean you could've escaped their intense judgemental gaze. You repeated the whole lie that you recited to arrange it in the box of deceit that you were filling since the commencement of these stories. Forgetting any of these would mean shattering their trust. And that was exactly what you were supposed to protect.

Once reiterated, you gathered how foolish the sentence was. Had it been said to you, there wasn't a chance of putting your belief in it. But your company was drunk enough to believe it; two of them were enough to carry the whole table.

"Wow. How horrible of him. We should take y/n with us yugy. She'd be happy and she can invite anyone." Yeong low-key let out a little drunk growl to press her point. 

Yugyeom cooed at her before replying,

"And where will you live? Our apartment has only two rooms and both are occupied. Where do you plan to settle down instead?"

His question made her think harder than she ever had in life as she picked at her jutted out lower lip. 

"Laundry room. You and me, will live in the laundry room because y/n needs a nice home."

"I already have a nice home yeongie." You took the opportunity, got up and reached out to pinch her cheeks, "but you won't know unless you are sober. Take her home, yugy. I'm also sleepy so I'll get going. See you on Tuesday." 

" It's already 11. Let me drop you home." Jungkook suggested, startling you.

"No It-

"Yeah you drop her. I'll take Yeong and minjun home but help me in carrying their asses to the car please." Yugyeom pleaded. He left the bills on the table and took Yeong in his arms. You expected jungkook to do the same but he passed minjun your shoulders instead,

"Wait for me outside. I have to call someone first." and he walked away, his lover grinning on your shoulder like it was the funniest thing in the world but you were fine as long as their drunken state saved you from some heavy confrontation. The only person left was jungkook and you had the perfect idea to dodge him as well. 

"So the same place or are you staying in the dorms this weekend?" He asked, driving out of the busy street.

"Just drop me at the nearest bus station. I'll ta-

"Nakamoto residence or the dorms y/n" you almost choked on the air as the word left his lips. Taking a bus home had seemed like the perfect plan but you had overvalued your common sense. Again.

"What are you talking about?" With hesitation evident in your voice, you muttered.

"Do you really think you'd go to a random house in front of me that I know nothing about and you'd be left alone without questions. I was there until the door was opened by someone. You really thought I'd have left you with a stranger. But i knew something was fishy when the receptionist told me that it's a home sweet home of Mr and Mrs nakamoto. Now spill before I get yugyeom to ask in his own way." He shifted the gears in frustration, your relaxed persona bothering him to no end. Getting jungkook wokred up wasn't a grunt work. He was like a matchstick, always ready to be ignited by any possible frictional surface. 

"It's not what you are thin-

"Don't lie please," he started, words dangerously polite, "If he's your boyfriend then there's no need to hide y/n. We would always be there to support you. When, how, why, i don't want you to feel pressured to answer me. Just because you go around with no commitment tag doesn't mean we'd judge you if you ever got in a relationship. We love you. Make us part of your life like we do. Can't we just expect that much." 

You gulped at how disappointed he sounded. He was right. You needed to include them in your life adventures but how were you supposed to explain him the riots you were dealing with. How were you supposed to spill everything without him getting his sword out. That would only lead to more troubles than you had the power to deal with. Trouble for you, him and for everyone who'd be passed that secrecy. 

So you begged, for some more time until you'd be more than comfortable to let all of them into your present life. 

Like every other word, this was also a lie that, in the first place,  you never chose to proceed with. 

He might have give in to you, but you knew eventually you'd have to muster up the courage to answer him and that day would decide another turn of your future. 

And you would make sure, inter alia, to shift the wheels in a more likeable direction.

“Use your fists!” 

Jungwoo’s grip was strong. His one arm was holding your waist and the other was around your neck. It was painful but you knew he wasn’t going to let go easily this time. This was the third consecutive scuffle or demo fight with him within the span of the last forty five minutes and having lost the last two, awfully at that, expectation of some mercy was not very demanding on your part. But only if he would grant that! You heard his chuckle as you wriggled in his hold. He was clearly having a lot more fun than you were. There was no way you could’ve applied renjun and hyuck’s advice but you still tried to follow their vague instructions.

“Bit his arm and turn.”

“No, don’t. Turn around and hit his torso with your knees.” 

Bit him?

Halting your movements, a low grunt left your lips as you lowered your body and pressed your teeth on his flesh. He screeched and immediately retracted his arm. Taking advantage of his loosened grip on your waist, you whirled around and raised your knee to strike at his upper body. In an instant, your hands fell on your knees and you inhaled a harsh breath, regaining your strength. Jungwoo, on the other hand, was curled up on the floor like a baby. You wanted to laugh at him but the more astonishing thing was the lack of any noise from your cheerleaders. Right from the start, they were rooting for you like you were earning them some hard cash and now that you had done exactly what they had wanted, they were silent. 

“Wha-

you opened your mouth to speak but their lack of attention held you back. Their eyes were fixed at Jungwoo,who still laid where he had landed. 

“What did you do?” renjun shrieked.

“Exactly what you told me to!” you replied with heavy breathing.

“We said torso!”

“Yes and i hi-

Mechanically your hand slapped your face as you noticed the position of jungwoo’s hands. You had, mistakenly, kicked him in the groin which only meant more trouble for you. 

“Save me.” you mouthed to hyuck and renjun while approaching jungwoo. 

“Sorry teacher.” you mumbled.

He remained quiet for a few seconds and didn’t make any movement. When he did, you took a few steps back, afraid of his wrath. Palms down on the mat, he sat up and with painfully quiet voice spoke up,

“Looks like you won. Good j-job. I think i need to visit the medical room. You can go and celebrate.”

“Does it pain too much” pointing to his crotch and averting your eyes, you asked.

“No. not at all but i might need to adopt your kids someday. You know if i can’t make my own.” 

“Sorry” you cried.

“Dismissed.” his civil tone, probably due to the ache, glued you in the position.

When you didn't move, donghyuck came, took you by your arm and guided you for the door.

"He's just being dramatic. Just chill. Another hit and he'd be good to go." He giggled and was soon joined by renjun as well, who was now crouching down in front of jungwoo. 

"You sure?"

"If he doesn't then you can always give him your baby. Ofcourse after asking your husband." Only after he rambled, he realised what he had actually said. His face screamed surprise. To save him from spiralling into deep shame, you eased him by cutting off his apology,

"Ew hyuck. Give him one of yours if you want. Don't come for mine!" And you exited the door.

You were halfway through the basement when you realised the lack of your device. Running back, you were about to shout when you overheard their gossip.

"No, I'm telling you she meant to injure me so i won't teach her anymore or this might be the revenge of all the weapon training. Her knee is stronger than jeno's punch. Don't laugh at me you shits."

Jungwoo was whining. 

"Haha. Yeah ok. But i told you renjun, she's physically stronger than her. Kind of totally opposite." Hyuck's voice quietened at the end but before he could speak further, you interrupted,

"Like who hyuck?"

Their faces went blank at your question and the reason of sudden heaviness in the air was beyond your contemplation. 

"You don't want to answer? Fine. Maybe it's not my place to question." You simply stated before circling the mat to pick up your phone from the chair.

"No. It's not li-

"It's fine hyuck. Chill." You shrugged and walked away, deciding against pestering them for information that they clearly felt too uncomfortable to share. 

"You need a fucking lock on your bloody mouth." was the last thing you heard before they were out of your hearing.

What was the need to ask something when you knew you won't ever get an answer out of them. Everyone was beyond friendly with you but still, there were some borders that nobody dared to cross. Maybe the mention of that woman was one of them. Fear of some unknown ghost of embarrassment was swallowing you whole when you heard grunts. Loud ones. You were still in the basement, the scuffle center being at the far end. The stairs were in front of you. The  snarls and growls were coming from the other end of the basement. The election wasn't hard and you didn't want to give in to your curiosity but you did. Your feet, not cooperating with the voice in the back of your head that told you to turn away, took you ahead in the direction of the noise. Though the residence consisted of only one plot but the basement covered two. Unknown to everyone, the house next to B.N was also their property and it was only utilised for the underground space. Hence the never ending lane and the countless closed metal doors.

The echo got louder with each step you took. It’s been more than a month since you were visiting the basement but those noises had never crossed through you until today. The end doors were forbidden for you, according to what you were told but now that you were exposed to it, there was no chance of ignoring. No prudent person would ever overlook such a thing. That was the justification you were repeating as you took baby steps.

All the doors were closed except one at the very far end. You thought about peaking inside then halted as if your conscious called you. The whimpers also stopped for a minute or so but your heart skipped a few beats when a collision following with painful shriek reverberated in the empty space. The door, slightly ajar, was just a few strides away but you were too startled to even back away from your position. Same pattern of hit and shouts continued again. Unaware of the happenings, you stood there as If you were waiting for someone to separate you from the concrete beneath your feet.

Adding to your distress, the metal door opened abruptly and you realised, you were again at a place where you weren't meant to be.

"What are you doing here?" Jaehyun's growl broke you out of the unconscious state you had fell into. Mechanically, you eyes roamed across him to notice a body lying on the table inside the room, strained cries escaping his lips. The limp body was enough to put two and two together to conclude that he was being tortured. He was a victim of jaehyun's wrath. 

"I asked what ar-

"Y/N!" he picked up his hand to touch your shoulders but you distanced yourself when you noticed the stains covering his clothing and hands, the blood red prominently visible even under the low light. 

His gaze caught yours in time and his eyes softened noticing the fear in your body. 

Very slowly, he reached out for you but immediately stopped, taking a note of your quivering lip.

"Hey. It-its not blood. I ca-can explai- Y/N!" 

The yells of your name covered the whole arena as you rushed away, leaving a dazed jaehyun behind.

"Who was it jae?" 

Jaehyun saw your trembling figure diminishing while you ran away from him as if you were disgusted by him. Not that he expected any other reaction, some good time has passed since someone innocent had came across their work. To say the least, it was never pleasant to have someone witness their harsh manners.

"JAE!"

"Y/n. She saw the body and also the blood."

He mumbled to ten whose visage, upon hearing, instantly mirrored jaehyun's.

"What about him?" Ten pointed to the man, "he's not speaking shit"

"Finish him off if you want. I need to handle something else now"

You raced as fast as you could have. You had never thought of yourself as a weak person but the sight was gruesome to just disregard and walk off. With shaking legs, you finally made it upstairs but the ringing, only became more earsplitting. Your hand harshly rubbed at your chest as you tried to defuse the tension bubbling in your whole body. After what felt like minutes, you covered your ears as if it would stop the ringing. It certainly did not but surprisingly it was muffled. You removed your hands and the blaring returned again. But this time, you laboured yourself to look into your surroundings. You saw chenle, jisung, jaemin running back and forth from the kitchen while doyoung seemed to be scolding jeno for something. Few others were also there, cleaning the couches and spraying some fragrance in the air. Everyone seemed to be their own turmoil, origin was which was yet to be known.

That's when it hit you. Maybe your ears weren't booming due to fright. 

"Chenle"you screamed at the passing boy, "do you hear this sound?" You pointed your fingers in the air to exaggerate your point. He merely nodded before he went past you and the very next second the noise was reduced to mere buzzing. You inhaled sharply to regulate your heartbeat but failed due to the ruckus  that enclosed you. Suddenly jaemin emerged, 

"Why are you so disheveled? Go and change from these workout clothes. Uncle is outside. Didn't you hear the alarm." Only Half of his words entered your head and before you could come to your senses, you were interrupted again.

"Y/n my girl!" Whipping your head, you saw a familiar figure entering the threshold. 

An old man that you surely had seen somewhere. 

His voice was a lot stronger than his aged body which he was dragging along with the help of a walking stick. 

Jaemin nudged you to greet him and you complied as soon as could have in your current state. Only when you got closer, you realised he was the same man you had met in the office celebration. You haven't seen him since then but he looked significantly weaker than before. Even with dark circles present, his face still was still shining with the smile he wore as he staggered inside. 

"How's life treating you my kid" he asked, patting the empty space on the couch. You took the seat and replied in a small voice,

"I'm good. Everything is nice." 

"Why am I smelling Jasmines this late in the evening?" He sniffed the air and galred at doyoung, " Do you take me for a fool? One thing! Cleaning. that is the only thing i ask of you. There are- how many of you are present since the morning. Answer me doyoung." 

The man barked and doyoung muttered a sheepish apology, his head dropping with shame. 

"Each one of you is nonsense. If you'd just clean up your stink once in a while, you'd save your money on the thousands of spray bottles you buy every month. But you thick heads only know how to shoot and punch. Now get me a glass of water before i die of this fake flowery smell"

He shouted like he owned the place and Maybe he did. Your mind and heart were not aligned up to comprehend the simple scenario that took place before you, the dizziness coming and going with intervals.

Then you were called again. 

Looking at your right, your saw jaehyun standing, his face ridden of any colour.

You noticed his new shirt. There was no blood on it. His hands were also cleaned and you were stunned at how quickly your eyes were running on his body to find any trace of what you saw in the basement a few minutes ago.

"y/n, i need to talk to you" 

For the first time, jaehyun's words were directed towards you without any poison in them. 

You still didn't wish to face him so you moved yourself to face the old man.

"Y/n ple-

"Now you don't even greet your own father jung jaehyun."

He spoke with a steadier and louder voice that felt like it was only meant for jaehyun. The contrast in his tone was striking. 

He was jaehyun's father.

"Sorry dad. I have something imp-

"I called you in the morning to inform yuta and taeil and yet i do not see anyone here. Do i need to die for you to respect me!"

You couldn't believe your ears when jaehyun answered in shuddering tone. 

"Yu-yuta is not here." 

He sounded like a child responding to his teacher, scared of some evaluation.

"Then call him."

"I mean he's away on business dad."

"Civil?"

It was like hearing Morse code.

"No."

"You sent him on a target place?"

"No. He's in Nice to collect information."

"Wow. Can you please clap your back for breaking the only sacred rule this family lives by?"

The silence in the extremely large living room was suffocating. This time, except you, everyone else was scared. And it still wasn't of any help.

"How dare you send a family man away on anything remotely dangerous. I thought you all were careful after taeil's incident but no. Nobody cares enough t-

Before he could complete, shaky coughs engulfed his body. Somehow, jaehyun grabbed him the moment he was about to fall from the couch. Doyoung ran for the kitchen while xiaojun, who was always too swift in his movements, came to the living room with a medical box.

You weren't sure what was happening with him or why he was being treated like some high mighty force or why he was so adamant on bringing yuta back but you could only pray that his wish won't be granted.

You weren't cruel but you were sure he'd be able to survive without that piece of shit roaming around.

You couldn't lose the few weeks you had without him.

Taeyong hands clutched yours like his life depended on you.

"Please please please y/n. It's been over a month since he's gone. I never withdraw from a deal. But this is an emergency. Uncle doesn't know you both were forced. He is a soft and weak hearted man. We cannot afford to tell him anything like this and clearly this would be seen as a betrayal to him. You both are nothing like what he's told but he doesn't need to need. He's the only father figure we have. Please just this time. I promise I won't ask anything from you after this. You do not need to live with him. he'd be here until two months are over. Please."

You lifted your brow at his last sentence and liberated your hands from his, feeling his trembling fingers. 

"I don't see the need to lie anymore, taeyong. You can tell him the truth and be over with it. If he has jaehyun as a son, he must be used to hearing blatant lies. This won't be the only one, I'm sure of that." Crossing your arms, you coldly said.

"I know you hate me but please y/n. You know how it is to lose the only family member you have. We have no one besides him. Never had anyone before him. The least we can do is keep him happy until it's too late. Please. Just this time."

Gobbling down each word, you merely nodded at him. If it weren't for his glossy eyes, you'd have threw up on him right after the first pleading but you weren't heartless like him. He was right. You knew how it felt to lose your loved ones, a fate you would never wish upon anyone. Not even the person you despised the most.

"Thank you. I owe you this one kiddo." He hugged you and you pushed him away. 

"Let me call him."

"Yuta!"

"Hmm"

"You need to come back immediately "

Taeyong spoke with urgency.

"Nope. I still have Three weeks and two days left." You heard his non-chalant words through the speaker.

"Yuta it's abou-

"Sorry I'm busy with my french girls. Call you later and please forget to take care of yourself."

And he hung up. 

A smirk formed on your face watching the grim expressions of taeyong.

"Good luck convincing him and while you are going to explain him the difference between the French girls and the French monkeys he has mistaken as women, why don't you explain me what exactly jaehyun does in that other end of the basement. I love some good stories, taeyong. So let's hear how good of a storyteller are you!"

taglist :: @kpop-choco @moon-yuta @kawaiiayasan @btm-taeyong @exfolitae @lanadreamie @cheersskznct @hyuckiesgf @theworld-accordingtocasey  @yiyi4657 @sorrywonwoo @sillywinnergladiator @minejungwoo @leesalts  @mal-nakamoto23 @ro2424 @itlittlefangirl @nctzens-world @bl--ankhaeji @simplybree @ncttboo @jeaneteflo @nuoyii @/bralessmermaid

[m0e-ru]

Hi Hey Love you nd your art but what is your take on the relationship (not romantic but like, interaction wise/thought wise) of Nana-Chan and Mimi? I don't remember but have you done any scribbles of them?

Thank youuu 💕💕💕 and you can say relationship! Of course I'll regard it as platonic (english is weird).

You can look through my Nanako tag and see I've drawn her with Mim (considering I love to plug that cryptid into everything that coincides with my interests HA).

These two in particular being the clearest presentation of their relationship I've made so far: 1 2

I'll admit, either I haven't thought about these two interacting enough or I find their relationship hard to tackle considering both of their perspectives, I have...yet to properly solidify anything.

The one thing to remember about Nanako's perspective is that she initially found Mim, the attendant, to be "weird" or "scary."

Although the narration says Nanako's looking at bancho, it's clear that she's looking at the attendant. Her model even approaching bancho and looking up at him.

11:57 https://youtu.be/nOS7zw34dj0?t=717

Which she clarifies later on 3/20.

46:48 https://youtu.be/5Q0RABx5-5M?t=2808

That being said, au-wise, with Nanako warming up to Mim after hearing Souji talk about them, I think Mim would be afraid of Nanako.

A six (6) year old girl (she turns seven (7) in October) whose mother died recently, and with her father being busy as a detective, she's been left alone at home majority of the time until her cousin stays for the year. Being a child, she has nothing to suppress or hide from others to have her own Shadow. And her only desires are things as simple as loving her family and friends, keeping the company she already has, and yearning for her late mother which manifests in (albeit, shared) her TV studio in the world of the unconscious.

And a cryptic entity born of a collective unconscious, serving them as a deity and executing a plan to fulfill it. It's not as if they're meant to be remembered by anyone at all. They might as well be forgotten; imperceiveable, really. Slapping together a temporary identity just to shake hands with a few people. Why bother sealing the little gaps seeping out fog only perceptible to those they'll never meet again. First impressions? What about no impressions.

But there was an impression.

A guy twice a little girl's height does their best not to crumble in front of her, to say the least. Afraid of children being more perceptive knowing the truth better than those older than them and simply not being aware of it. Being piercingly blunt and honest as per their nature as individuals still learning about the world around them.

What if you were a decaying mass with a face you can't change bound to fulfill a duty that could end the lives with the same will that powers your existence, hiding under a myriad of physical and metaphorical layers. And you hear

"Oh, thank you!"

"Thanks for taking care of big bro."

"You're really pretty!"

"You really are big bro's big bro."

No, no, no. Go back to being afraid. Go back to never remembering.

It takes twice the effort to try and smile.

(more under cut where I'm less poetic and this is getting long lol)

sorry for getting poetic lol woww i love being dramatic /gets dragged off stage/

Mim can take compliments from anyone else which they could easily brush off. But from kids who probably aren't even aware of euphemisms yet Mim would probably die.

s: wow senpai youre really pretty for a guy

m: haha jk right whatever lol

n: mister attendant i think youre pretty

m: say sike rn

For clarification, yes Mim would still act in their attendant facade with Nanako but it takes twice the effort to be with her.

Having to swallow everything nice she has to say about them and keeping up the clown act to be consistent with everyone they meet.

It's hard to feel spite or plain heartlessness and 'i dont give a shit about what you think about me actually' bc Mim is growing their own heart after it unwillingly tore apart from them, while they gradually returning to the caretaker aspect of their whole being that they lost at the same time. So they care about a child's opinions taking them as how other people may actually think about them if they ever admitted it, especially the fact this same child is connected to so many people and Mim already knowing if this game they enabled keeps up, she's going to inevitably get caught up in it making them fully aware of her fate.

And as much as they already care about her, they aren't supposed to stop the game they started since they're bound to their duties that they begin to loathe, but also at the same time take personally since, at its core, it's meant to better the lives of the people they've grown about at an intimate level ever since they turned human themself and /shepherd's cane cartoonishly pulls me off stage for the second time/

Do you know how much guilt piles up on literally everyone associated with Nanako by November when shes kidnapped and hospitalized?¿

Out of everyone, Mim doesn't want Nanako to care about them the most. They don't want her to think that they, a monster formed by the cognition of the collective, is "pretty" or "nice" or "kind" or "funny." Mim cares about Nanako and they don't want her to go down that line of thinking and be betrayed by her beliefs based on how Mim presents themself.

But then again, it's already been a long while ever since they made "themself" different from "Izanami." So maybe Nanako's allowed to think that way.

[darringtonshorthalt]

Fic questions! I wasn't actually tagged in this but idc here goes

1) how many works do you have on AO3?

310

2) what’s your total AO3 word count?

524265

3) how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

~39 according to AO3 (but there's definitely some old fic that are exclusively on fanfiction.net or possibly lj? If you count things that exist within the same universe as only one fandom (e.g. MCU instead of Captain Marvel or Thor) that cuts it down to like 28, but I'm still not going to list all of them. Top five: Supernatual, Stargate Atlantis, MCU (but its mostly The Falcon and the Winter Soldier), Teen Wolf, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer

4) what are your top five fics by kudos?

Pillow Talk (SamBucky) Falling Backwards (SamBucky) The Static From Your Arms (It's a Catalyst) (Sterek) Fall Back Together (SamBucky) You Can Feel It On The Way Home (SamBucky)

I'm very intrigued by the fact that 7 of my top 10 by kudos are tfatws. I'm here for it, just surprised bc I've written a lot of fics over the years, in a lot of big fandoms, and somehow the most popular ones were all written in the last 5 months

5) do you respond to comments? why or why not?

I didn't used to because I was never really sure how? Now I try to, but the social awkwardness still comes through and idk what to say a lot of the time.

6) what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I really don't do things without a happy (or at least hopeful ending). I know I did when I was younger, but I've had my ao3 account for over 10 years I can't be expected to remember all of that. Probably the angstiest is recent history was a post-Despair Destiel fic, but again, fairly hopeful endings

7) do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Occasionally, yeah, or I just leave hints from one fandom in other fics - implied past Sam/Riley in the backstory of my Autistic!John McShep fic, for instance. The 'craziest' true crossover is probably the universe I created with Supernatural/Doctor Who/Vampire Diaries (not where you thought that was going, was it?) that I was really into for a couple months?

8) have you ever received hate on a fic?

Once that I can remember, it was a very strong 'critique' of a situation that they felt was wildly inaccurate. I was really bothered by it at the time, but mostly I think they just misunderstood the fic and also its fanfic i don't care. if it makes your day to write mean things on something a fan did for funzies: go off.

9) do you write smut? if so what kind?

very, very rarely. and idk, the soft kind?

10) have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I'm aware of

11) have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! Not a ton, but a handful have been translated, and one or two have been podfic'd

12) have you ever co-written a fic before?

Maybe waaaay back in the day. Its really not something that pleases me? Maybe I should give it another shot some day, but mostly I have trouble working with other writing styles

13) what’s your all-time favourite ship?

I don't even know how to answer this. I will probably always have a little corner of my soul/heart/head/whatever for Destiel and McShep (and maybe Sterek?) But SamBucky is my #1 right now and I don't see that changing anytime soon, if ever.

14) what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Atlas Falls (Destiel). I have most of the major story planned out, and while I really love it, I just don't see it happening?

15) what are your writing strengths?

Character voice, or so I'm told.

16) what are your writing weaknesses?

Long arcs. My longest successful fic was over 20k, but that was unusual for me. My range is typically 1k-10k, anything over that and I either get bored, or I lose sight of the characters.

17) what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't do it often, but if it's suited, sure. Given that I don't fluently speak anything useful, I'd probably avoid it in fear of terrible google translate shenanigcans

18) what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter? That's the first I remember, anyway. First recorded on ao3 was Supernatural, first on fanfiction.net was x-men, but I'm pretty sure I was writing on the harry potter forums before any of that

19) what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Current: Until the End (Of Time) (SamBucky) All time: Survival [of the Foolish] (McShep)

[lyrishadow]

Fictober 5: wait

Prompt 5: “I’m not saying I told you so…”

Fandom: Mass Effect.

Title: Wait.

Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/ Syrena Shepard

Rating: T

Warnings/Tags

"Syrena Shepard." A familiar voice brought her up short.

"What?"

"They said you were all grown up and being good."

"Back off Finch, didn't they tell you what happened to the last person the Red sent after me?" Syrena could already feel Kaidan tense up at the name of the old gang, Garrus looked at her confused.

"Oh I'm not after you, we want your help." Finch replied, sliding his arm over her shoulder, a bad move all round. Kaidan reacted faster than Garrus had ever seen him react before.

"Hands off the Commander." He stated through gritted teeth,

"So it's true, you still exist too." Finch grunted as Garrus stepped over to where Kaidan was holding Finch.

"Maybe reevaluate who you are dealing with?"

" Really? Aliens and space magic?" Finch grimaced.

"Let him go." Syrena stated, "Kaidan. Garrus. "

She motioned them back behind her. Finch looked delighted, as they moved, once they were clear however. Syrena slammed the gangster up hard against the wall, a reasonable height off the ground.

"Don't say I didn't tell you so.." she said sweetly "I am no longer a Red, I haven't been for a long long time. You upset or hurt my friends again and so help everyone I will drop you out an airlock."

"Just talk to the turian guard in Chora's, and we won't bother you again." Finch snapped and she dropped him to the floor. "Gods Cherub, you got nasty."

That nickname made Kaidan growl under his breath.

The turian in Chora's Den proved to be some guard of a facility.

"I just had a gang member try and bribe me into dealing with you, can you tell me why?"

"Ah the Tenth Street Reds, running drugs and hate crimes against aliens."

"I see." Syrena shook her head.

"Problem?"

"No, but you might want to increase your guards."

"Noted."

"I knew it!" Finch declared.

"Knew what? I told you: mess with my friends and find an airlock." She shook her head " I didn't say I would help you. I am not that stupid."

Later once they had left the noise of Chora's Den, the three of them headed to have a drink.

"So how do you know each other?" Garrus asked glancing between the two of them,

"I was put into the same biotics program as Kaidan." Syrena replied, glancing at Kaidan.

" It was meant to be rehab, but the Reds found me."

"Rehab for what?"

"I was a street kid Garrus, a thug and a mouthy one too. Funny how meeting Kaidana d some others changed my entire outlook."

"Really?"

"Really. I was taken off station for medical care then it fell apart. So my room-mates family thanked me by paying my way through school and college. Then I joined the Alliance." Rahna, if Kaidan ever wondered about that girl, Syrena knew what happened. If he still fought over the ghost of her, well, then maybe it was time Syrena moved on too.

"And Kaidan?" Garrus frowned.

"I was there the night she got attacked, well her roommate woke us up, my roommate and I ran to help."

"Saved my life."

"Uh yeah. " Kaidan blushed.

"Ok I get it. Wow, that's dramatic and you were both16?"

"Um, he was. I was 14 I think. Yes I'm an L2, exceedingly lucky, no migraines no complications but I do get checked every six months."

"Wow impressive." Garrus nodded "but…"

"Yeah but Kaidan spikes higher, at a cost." Syrena sighed as the omni-tool notification sound drew them all back to reality. "So much for shore leave. Huh Wasn't me, that's first."

Garrus made a face.

"My father wants to talk to me, so I had better go call. See you back at the ship Commander, Lieutenant."

"You okay?" Syrena turned to Kaidan as Garrus walked away.

"I think so,"

"Not going to ask me about Rahna?"

"I don't have feelings for her, if that's the question. You kept in touch?"

"She told everyone who would listen that I saved her life." Syrena shook her head "I ended up with all expenses paid and a stipend to study university. She married a guy her father chose for her. "

"Wow."

"Yeh, that's the last thing I expected, but she is happy doing what she can to change the world." Syrena sighed "I always envied her that happiness, well that and you."

Kaidan blinked as if he hadn't heard her correctly.

"We are on shore leave, I am allowed to tell you aren't I?" Syrena asked quietly, wordlessly Kaidan nodded.

"I remember you being nice to me even when I didn't think I belonged, before I wanted to. " Syrena chuckled "I think I called you a princess."

Kaidan smiled, "You did in fact."

"Well I was interested in you from about then." She shook her head "I've never in the meantime dated anyone else."

"Sy." Kaidan replied.

"Yeah wrong timing, maybe when we get Saren out of the way?"

"I…"

"If you are interested. Gods when did I become someone who talks too much?" Syrena buried her head in her hands.

"Syrena?" Kaidan murmured, closer to her than she had expected.

"Is it safe?" She asked lifting her face to the side his voice had come from only to be met with his lips on hers.

It was like the galaxy froze for just a minute. Then Kaidan pulled back with a sigh.

It was a promise she had waited a long time for.

"Rahna?" Fifteen year old Syrena asked her new friend of a month.

"Yes?"

"What do I do if I have a crush?"

"Wait. If it is meant to be more than a crush the feelings will hold, if it isn't the feelings will fade and new ones will come." Rahna looked up from the homework she was writing on her bed " You like Kaidan?"

"I think. It's new." Syrena replied "Plus you like him, and he likes you. So it doesn't make sense."

"Not right now, we are all kids really, we can't tell the future, so it still stands. Someday we will be in love and that is supposed to be a lot more fun."

"Thanks Rahna,"

"Syrena, friends last through all of that."

It was all new, having friends, people who cared. She would wait and guard these good things with her life.

[imasimpforstevengrant]

Why do we like this clown so much?

Change the "we" for "I" and you get an usual tag I use whenever I post my content in Tumblr. And it sounds funny at first but whenever you start diving into that phrase, the deeper it becomes. So, I finally have decided to share my thoughts about this strange but wholesome attraction to this deeply flawed character. It's not something I usually do since I don't know how to write down my feelings properly and also in english so please forgive any typos (I'm from Chile so don't be surprised lol).

So...Why do we like this clown so much?

Why was it that a character precisely designed to scare and to disgust the fuck out of us ended up unchaining a series of feelings that shouldn't have taken place in a beginning?

Let's take a look at the background: Joaquin Phoenix was cast as Arthur Fleck/Joker in 2018. The first image of him as the aforementioned character revealed a deeply disturbed man. We knew the plot. A man driven to insanity after a brutal history of abuse, creating concern in people if the upcoming film would inspire real life violence. Incel violence and mass shootings, more specifically.

(the image in question)

As 2019 arrives, the two trailers generated so much hype that media needed to fuel its concern about it. Since it wasn't your typical comic book film, media basically bombed our minds making us believe this film was going to be a total disaster, an excuse to cause harm to others among other nonsense, as if the film would justify everything Arthur would do in the film, eventually. As the release date is closer, the film receives thunderous applause and unanimous praise from critics. At this, fans rejoiced and expressed impatience to watch the film.

October 5th.

People left the theaters amazed, shocked and genuinely moved by the inhuman treatment Arthur received in the film. The fear media tried so desperately to infuse in us with all the incel bullshit and such turned out to awake one of the most positive, best feelings in humans:

E M P A T H Y

The word that so gloriously cleared away any dark thoughts or actions not only proves media was wrong but it turned out to ridicule it in way nobody will forget: Hundreds of people advocating for mental illness, calling out to the kindness that could change a person's bad day and questioning how politicians and rich people are indifferent to social problems proved how much as a society we have changed in comparison with the one shown in the film.

However, since we are on Tumblr, I'll get straight to the point and try to explain why the fuck does this clown has us dying out of love and compassion (and lust).

I. Background.

As nurturing as we women are for a biological matter, we see a man deprived of a good job, is on seven different medications, working like a slave to sustain his ill mother, putting aside his own health and well-being to look for her, struggling to make his dream of being a comedian despite everyone stepping on him, underpaid and treated like a freak for a disorder he did not ask to suffer, which makes it impossible to be indifferent to all the horrible ordeal that eventually will reach the limit of what he can tolerate without going insane. It is impossible to not say or think, at least, that someone (even if it's just one person) should stand for him just as it is impossible not to feel the need to throw ourselves at him to shield him from people who hurt him or simply offer him our shoulder whenever he has had a bad day, specially when he learns he was sexually assaulted by his step father.

This horrid behaviour terrifies newer generations because they get a taste of what being a social outcast was like more than thirty years ago in comparison with today, where there's more acceptance and treatment for mentally ill people like Arthur. We see in him someone who could have been saved with a proper education and emotional support instead of descending into madness as a criminal. Others simply saw themselves being treated like him at some point in their lives and couldn't help but put themselves in his shoes.

II. Personality.

TRUTH BE TOLD:

There's something called "attraction by proximity". It is the explanation to the eventual love you feel whenever someone doesn't catch your eye at first terms of physical attraction but his/her personality does attract you. This happens to be the base of this situation. His shyness, introverted nature, tenderness and innocent desire to make people laugh and put on a happy face awake some kind of tenderness we cannot resist. This combined with the gloomy background increases our understanding (but not justifying) of the bad decisions he'll eventually take during the course of the film. This traces a line of harsh, almost hurtful contrast of the violence he shows later on the film. Once again, it is not justified in any way but it is certainly understandable.

III. Appearance.

Arthur Fleck is unconventionally attractive.

This happens to be a plus for most women. He is out of the male beauty standards (no abs, not too muscly or particularly tall), which makes him even more unique. It is precisely the fact that he's not a model one of the reasons women love him. He could easily be your man next door or your colleague or the guy you always see but never dare to talk for fear to bother him Because it's about proximity. Arthur looks like your common neighbour. He's not meant to be your typical desirable male protagonist at all.

... And yet.

Jesus Christ, he's so fucking hot I can't even---

It's not about how beautiful his green eyes are, his long slender fingers, his hair or his smile only. It's the charm behind it.

Another "magnet point" is the way he dresses. I know he's impoverished and his wardrobe tend to be repetitive but it is so unpretentious, so simple that is hard to not fall for. The modesty of the shirts, ironed trousers reminds us of a mature man deeply withdrawn into himself, love starved and longing to be seen and loved by others, like a war veteran who still fights the most important war: with himself. Is someone who needs to be listened and understood.

AND OF COURSE WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE ABOUT IT?

He's also brought back the old gentleman outfit, white shirts, red/yellow vest, red suit and elegant dancing moves and the retro style of the film boosts this attractiveness.

People keep comparing him with the previous interpretation of Joker (Leto's) whose costume appealed to young women with a tattooed, gangster, mumble rapper crazy-guy wannabe which didn't connect with the audiences (young people in general). This supposedly was to match or even have a sexy, tormented and desirable villain like Marvel's Loki. We all know how that story ended but it's the link for the next point below.

IV. Transformation

This is a particularly strong point considering how much we loved to watch the process of this weak, powerless, forgotten caterpillar into a beautiful and visible butterfly that will gracefully stir its wings for everyone to see its colours.

When Arthur transitions to the Joker, it's so cathartic to see taking revenge on those who wronged him (even when we're not supposed to root for him) like seeing his shyness fading away into a vivid confidence when dancing half naked in the bathroom, or witnessing him making way to make his name known to people in Murray Franklin's Show:

Adding to this newly gained confidence, there's another turn on: the way he walks.

At the beginning, his pace is hunched and limping, displaying his submission to violence, which makes the viewer more satisfied to see his broken yet beautiful soul turning the past pain of his existence into art: he lets music guide his moves as a way to tell the world he's a new man by cutting most of the sick, evil roots that harmed him, that he's invincible, that no one can stop him. Watching this cathartic display of euphoria was the most iconic scene in the film, following his speech at the TV and the inevitable meltdown that caused Murray's death.

Going to further appreciation, even his clown make up is beautiful. Why? Simple. The combination of colours, shapes and the intimidating glare just embellishes even more the character.

The dark blue triangles in his expressive eyes makes the light green colour to highlight, specially in dark backgrounds, giving the impression he's piercing your soul whenever he stares directly at the camera. Same can be said about the red smile and emerald green hair. They boost an already intimidating look.

The cold and warm colours paint a picture of a man full of intense emotions, mirroring it in a simple yet masterful artistic way.

Another interesting point is the way Joker dresses. Usually we had almost every single live adaption of this character in purple coat, hat, etc. But this particular version is not following any comic, which gives more freedom to creativity and once again, out of the standards of what we could have expected.

Red is a colour related to passion, action, love, strength, motivation and excitement. As for yellow, it indicates freshness, happiness and enlightenment and finally, green. Green is renewal, growth and regeneration. Colours that represent a new stage in his life, a mirthful chapter at last. We finally get to see our battered, always humiliated protagonist (or hero) descending into madness, but finally free from his repressed man who held his soul captive like a bird to fly away, to never come back. An insanity that despite being his downfall, turned out to be his ticket to freedom as he walks to the light in Arkham Asylum dancing at the end.

Ladies and gentlemen: behold the film nobody asked... But the film we fucking deserved.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk

❤️💚💛

[blackmaylovesfries]

"You can't domesticate me" - Meeting him

Asked: No

Words: 1641

Sinopse: Seventeen Hybrid AU - Xu Minghao is a Western Marsh Harrier hybrid that hated humans. So you didn’t even knew his real name even knowing him for many years…

Notices: Guns (not fired) and mention to violence (not consummated) and to torture (not explicit).

BIRTHDAY POLL

Masterpost

Previous / Next

The8… That was the nickname you gave the wild hybrid that was unconscious now in front of you. The nickname was chosen because you had talk to him only 8 of the many times you two encountered each other. He hated humans with all his will and had many motives to that, you were sure of it, but for some reason he helped you and your team a lot.

You smiled as you recalled all the times you encountered him in the field and he actually acknowledged your existence. You couldn’t help but think that maybe he didn’t hated you enough to ignore that you were really trying too help hybrids… You were lost in thoughts when Junhui found you.

Your first hybrid sat besides you and smiled. He got used to come after lunch to make you company during the days the wild one was unconscious. He knew that you had a history with the other and didn’t wanted to let you alone waiting for him to wake up. The others you adopted made everything they could to help around the center so you didn’t have to worry about daily jobs.

“What are you thinking about?” His voice was low.

“I’m thinking about when I first meet him.” You laid your head on his shoulder.

“JB said that you had run into him a couple of times…” You nodded “Can you tell me about it?” You looked into his eyes and saw sincere interest in them, so you started to talk.

---

The first time you both meet was in your first solo case. Exactly, he was the boy you saw when you were going to rescue DK’s mom. You were 15 and estimated that he was around 17 years old when it happened. You didn’t get his name and he clearly didn’t wanted to give it to you.

You remember that in the first moment you thought you had seen a tail so you assumed he was an earth wild hybrid. You looked for him everywhere after that day for almost an year but even Youngjae didn’t found anything about him. The only info you had was that the family mistreating him and DK’s mother had him for about 10 years before you find them.

When you questioned the couple, they just laughed when you asked about the ‘land hybrid’ they had. They just talked about how unrule that ‘creature’ were and how they should used more ‘discipline’ on him. As the case were already a bizarre and heavy one, you just let them go to jail and went back to look for him.

On the day of the mission you had let him go alone but you couldn’t help but be concerned about him. After all those years of abuse, could the slim hybrid survive on the streets by himself?

But after an year looking for him, your parents convinced you to give up. They told you to focus your energy on your new team and yours harder and harder missions. When you showed resistance, they told you that you could find him again, in other mission. That convinced you. That was also how you had your second meeting.

---

You and your team were a bunch of underage teens running around saving hybrids from the worst the human race can offer. Your parents made sure to keep you guys busy so you could accumulate experience before getting real hard cases. You and JB were currently helping the Strike team from another center in China, near the borders with North Korea.

It was the first illegal audition you went in a foreign country. Your task was to behave yourself like a spoiled young madam, which wasn’t difficult to you.Now, thinking in retrospect, you could tell that was that mission that made you and your second-on-command to think that your team was invencible. You totally didn’t understood how that mission had a good result.

“Remember to pay attention, okay? We can’t have you guys fighting for all the hybrids, some of them should be sold tonight so we don’t attract suspicion too early.” The leader of the chinese team remembered you and JB before you all got out of the car. “Before they can transport the hybrids out we will interfere, so don’t worry about it. Focus on buying time for the team do all the recognition they need.”

Both of you nodded in understanding. The mission was quite easy on your side so you weren’t really worried. But you couldn’t imagine that you would see a familiar face as the first hybrid to be auctioned. It was him, the thin one from your first mission! You tugged JB’s sleeves and indicated the hybrid. The older one just rolled his eyes for you.

Just then, something must have happened on the infiltration team side, because suddenly the lights were all out. The people from your side, you, JB and two more, ran to the hybrids, trying to get them out of there as soon as a “Damn” sounded on your ears. Not waiting for any other sign, you jumped in the host, knocking him unconscious.

“It seems that I’m saving your ass again?”

“I’m not going to thank you, if that’s what you want.” His voice was still the same, even his acid ressentiment.

“No need.” You freed him from the ties from his hands behind his back and from his feet connecting him to the stage. “But you could come with me, you know? Or at least with them” You indicated the chinese team that were covering you and your division, shooting the guests that wanted to fight. The boy snorted.

“Humans really think that my species should rely on they, huh?” He grabbed the ends of the thin himation that he was wearing and softened his look. “I do know that I have debts with you. Someday I’ll pay them all. But don’t wait for me to bow for humans again.” Without any other sound, the slim hybrid ran, mixing himself with the shadows and leaving you alone to deal with all that mess.

---

It was almost 2 years after the first time you met that you two had a ‘real’ conversation. You were taking a vacation on the countryside in a hybrid protected village when you noticed him sitting on a coffee shop.You had gone out without your parents that day and was able to recognise the boy, even if he changed his hair.

“How fancy to meet you here.” You smiled as you sat on the chair in front of him. The hybrid just lifted his eyes from his book for a moment before returning to his reading. “Come on! Talk to me, just for a little, I want to know what a hybrid that hates human, I’m sure you have your reasons, are doing in a village protected by humans.” He didn’t respond “Considers it as a payment from the last time.” The hybrid sighed before finally putting his book down.

“I’m here visiting. Just that. I’ll get out of here before dawn today. Anything else?” His tone was rude but not entirely.

“Yes, what’s your name?”

“Not telling.”

“How old are you?”

“Also a no.”

“Well, you could help me here, right? I’m trying to be your friend. Quite hard I must say.” That made him inclinate his body in your direction like he was going to tell you a secret.

“Keep trying, dwarf.” And with a half of smile, he got up and paid his bill, leaving you sitting there alone.

---

The forth time you two met was half a year after. In the same coffee shop. You went there to inspect the security quality in the village when you saw the familiar boy. Again, with different hairstyle. Not learning from the last time, you sat in front of him again.

“Hey! Long time no see! I thought you were back in China?”

“Coming and going.” He didn’t seemed surprised by your sudden appearance. He kept reading.

“Oh… So… What’s your name?”

“Scram.”

“Come on! You told me to keep trying!”

“I wasn’t counting on seeing you again.”

“Wow, that hurts!” You were being dramatic. “So, are you telling me anything or I really won’t ever be able to know anything about you?”

“18”

“What?” He had whispered, with his eyes still on the book.

“I’m 18 years old now…” He appeared to think “And I’m chinese.” You opened a smile but he kept going “That’s all I’m telling you. Now stop bothering me, don’t you have some job to do?”

“I do actually.” You saw Youngjae walking in your direction. “I’m happy! Thank you for telling me.” Your tone was sweet when you said your goodbyes and you ran back towards Youngjae.

---

“Why are you telling him this old stories?” A raspy voice interrupted your storytelling with Jun. Both of you turned to the bed and saw that The8 had opened his eyes.

“Well, I thought you’d die, so I’m sharing all the debts you had with me.”

“I paid them all, don’t even joke.” Although he was weak, the hybrid still could stare at you. And he clearly wasn’t happy. “What am I doing here?”

“You fell. From quite high and wasn’t in your other form so you went straight to the ground.” you knew that the tone you were using could only be used to him. It was one of the singularities from your relationship.

“When I can get out of here?”

“As soon as all your bones are fixed.” He grunted. “It’s not like we are forcing you to stay, you know? We are just asking for you to wait until you’re recovered before going.”

“Keep the human doctors away from me.”

“Deal.” You smiled while dragging Junhui out with you and going to call the hybrid doctors.

Tag: @hopsiclesposts​ ; @woohoney​ ; @warm-smiles-and-blue-skies ; @childfmoonn ; @moonmin-miya ; @hope-ji​

[thesasscat]

The Mandela Effect

I don't know who might see this but I'm going to say this right now I AM NOT CRAZY! I just need someone, ANYONE to believe me! It all started a few days ago . .

My life is FAR from perfect, my wife and I are poor getting by on thrifting, and food pantries; I work a job I despise, but my family is what makes it beautiful. The day ended as usual, tucking my eldest in bed for the night, getting my infant to sleep and finally my wife and I going to bed.

This is where things, went so wrong. I've lived my whole life not knowing my greatest fear until I learned about a moment in history called "The man from a country that doesn't exist" and then i realised that was in fact my greatest fear. I'm now living that scenario!

* * *

I woke up in an apartment I have never seen before. Already freaked out I went to get out of bed but found I wasn't alone, I was hoping it was my wife and some how this would make sense, but no it was my ex; I screamed. He woke with a start.

"Cat! What the hell?!."

"What date is it!"

"What has gotten-"

"WHAT FUCKING DATE IS IT!"

"It's December nineth, twenty-twenty. Why are you being such a bitch this morning?!"

Slightly less panicked but also more annoyed with him, I jumped out of the bed and found my phone. I left the room to look for my eldest, I doubted I would find my infant in whatever nightmare I was in! "Felicity! Time to get up! Felicity?!" WHERE IS SHE!

I started feeling tears spring to my eyes as panic welled up again. I searched for my wife in my contacts. It's not here! I tried finding on my Facebook list. No! But I noticed a mutual friend that introduced us however was online. Please have answers! This can't be happening! Please don't let this be real!

Hey question ur still friends w/ Rosalina on Discord or Facebook or wutever yes?

I waited what seemed like an hour, whiping my tears, even though it was likely just three minutes for their response.

U know Rosy?

Uh ya! U introduced us we've been together...well a while now!

......uhhh r u ok? Cuz I never introduced u 2......Cat....she killed herself 2 years ago....I'm sorry but if this is some kind of sick joke it's not funny!

The floor and ceiling suddenly inverted, and everything went black

* * *

I woke up in the same strange apartment but on a couch this time, my head ached as I tried remember everything before. My heart dropped as I remembered what Juno told me, tears spraing up again in gusto, as grief washed over me remembering my wife was dead, likely on the same date as her last attempt but this time she suceeded.

She never knew how much I loved her, of the beautiful baby girl we had together, she never knew the life we built together. I would never have the chance to ever look into those beautiful green eyes of hers or even run my fingers through her hair.

"CAT!"

I snapped to attention he must have been trying to get my attention for a while.

"What."

"Ok what the fuck is up with you today? And who is Felicity?!"

"Our kid! You know sassy blonde blue eyes carbon copy of my but smaller ring any bells?" I completely forgot how much he really brought out the worst in me.

"Did you hit your head or something because you're acting completely crazy!"

"I'M NOT CRAZY!" I shouted bolting upright, "I'M STUCK IN THE MANDELA EFFECT AND NONE OF THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPENING! I LEFT YOU. THREE YEARS AGO! WE HAD A KID! I MOVED ON AND YOU DIDN'T I FOUND SOMEONE NEW AND YOU ALWAYS HATED THAT! HATED THAT I MOVED ON TO SOMEONE BETTER AND STOPPED TAGGING AROUND WITH YOU! THAT I BEGAN PUTTING UP BARRIERS AND REFUSED TO LET YOU TEAR THEM DOWN!" My face felt hot, I was shaking as all of this sank in. He looked taken aback but it didn't matter.

Felicity doesn't even exist here either, my whole life I had before is completely gone for good. My sweet girls.... Annabelle..... Felicity.....

"Uh huh.......you haven't started any new medication right?"

"FUCK YOU!" I shouted, throwing the nearest object at him. I left out the front door livid, not even bothering to grab a change of clothes or shoes, and did something I never thought I would do. I opened my phone and called my mom.

"Hey sweetie!"

"Mom... can you come get me?"

A pause.

"<Dead nam>-" I grimaced as I did my best to pretend she didn't dead name me, "Im, in Utah remember? I would love to see you but that's a bit of a drive, i would have to make just for a visit. Is everything ok?" I pondered whether to tell her or not, but I figured the worst she could do is point out the fact psychosis runs in the family, or just make it about her.

"You'll believe me right?"

Her tone of voice changed to her lawyer voice, "<Dead name> are you safe or do you need someone to get you?"

"No it's just you remember me talling you and the story of a man from a country that didn't exist......and how that freaked me out more than anything in the world?" I tried keeping my voice steady, as tears welled up again.

"Yes but what does that have to do with our conversation?"

I drew a breath, and my words came flooding out "I'm living in it, I'm in some kind of worLD WHERE SOMEHOW I'M BACK WITH CLYDE AND ROSY AND I WERE NEVER TOGETHER WE NEVER HAD OUR LITTLE FAMILY AND WE NEVER MET AND WE NEVER WILL MEET AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE HER GRAVE IS SO I CAN NEVER GO SEE HER AND I'M SCARED AND I WANT THIS TO BE JUST A REALLY BAD DREAM BUT IT'S NOT AND I WANT OUT OF HERE!" I finished through sobs.

Another pause "Ok I am going to call Emily to come get you and let her know you need some air, but I think maybe a trip to the psych hospital is also possibly needed-"

"MOM! I'M NOT CRAZY I DON'T BELONG IN THIS LIFE! YOU HAVE TWO OTHER GRANDCHILDREN THEIR NAMES ARE FELICITY AND ANNABELLE. FELICITY IS FOUR, SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE ME SHE'S SASSY, LOVES POKEMON, MY LITTLE PONY AND DINOSAURS! ANNABELLE IS ALMOST A YEAR OLD SHE WAS THE NICU BABY SHE HAS RED HAIR, SHE'S THE FANCY GIRL! SHE LOVES SOFT THINGS, CUDDLES AND SOFIA THE FIRST! ROSALINA WAS MY WIFE SHE WAS A FEW INCHES TALLER THAN ME AND WE HAD SUCH A WONDERFUL LIFE TOGETHER!" I'm shaking worse than ever.

"<Dead name>"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT I CAME OUT AS NONBONARY AND CHANGED MY NAME 6 YEARS AGO!"

"I'm going to call your sister now." She said before hainging up. I threw my phone on the ground with all of my strength. I wanted to scream to hit my head as hard as possible and hope to wake up finding out this wasn't real. THIS CAN'T BE REAL!

My younger sister texted my phone the notification popping up on my now shattered screen.

Mom is on the phone with me right now

R u sure ur ok?

I typed furiously, wincing as my fingers caught on glass splinters.

I'M NOT CRAZY!!!!!

* * *

I'm refusing to go any redirect my sister asked for us to go to outside of her place, I know they're having me committed. I'm trying to act casual as I try typing this all on my phone and pretending my shattered screen isn't a big deal. I need just one person please say you believe me! I'm NOT crazy like everyone thinks I am. I'm not acting out some complex delusion, these people I am now grieving are real and I love them more than life itself.

Please, anyone at all tell me you believe me, please show me I'm not the crazy person every one is saying I've become.