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she-karev · 8 months ago

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Intervention (Marina Angst with a Happy Ending Imagine)

Previous Part Here

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: Three of Three

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Characters: Carina DeLuca, Andrew DeLuca and Maya Bishop

Canon Episode: Season 17 Episode 1

AN: Hey guys so Station 19 ended sadness but it’s up to us to keep the epic romance alive. I will post another Marina story next week and it’s gonna be funny and surprising. Stay tuned.

Mental Health Resources: https://www.nami.org/, https://www.aacap.org/, https://www.dbsalliance.org/, https://afsp.org/

Summary: Carina drives Andrew to the treatment center and along the way he expresses guilt and shame for how he treated everybody, most of all Amber. Carina returns home to Maya who comforts her.

Words: 3213

Carina drives down the road in her car about twenty minutes away from the residential facility in Bellevue. Andrew is next to her in the passenger side alarmingly calm even as he looks out the window in a foreboding way telling her there is an inner conflict going on. Carina looks at Andrew in pity before looking back at the road. She figures out what to say to make him feel better about the journey ahead.

“I know your scared but this is one of the best treatment centers in the state I checked.” Andrew is still looking out the window, “It’s 30 days to get you on the right meds, talk to therapists and monitor you. I will visit you every Saturday so I can see how you’re doing and tell you all that you are missing. I know it’s hard but you’ll get better and that’s the goal, that is what is going to separate you from papa. He is not strong enough to do this but you are, I know you are.”

Carina stops at a stoplight, looks over and sees Andrew rubbing his tired eyes, “I know your trying to help and I appreciate that I do and I am gonna do this I am I just…I can’t undo all that I did when I was being a stubborn idiot.” Carina sighs, “Opal got away with Erin because I made a scene, I was so far out of stability I didn’t do things rationally and calmly instead I looked like a crazy man and that girl ended up back in that monster’s clutches.”

“And she got free.” Carina reminds him to no avail as he shakes his head.

“What if she didn’t?” Andrew asks in a broken voice, “If she didn’t, she would have been tortured and raped for years and it would be because I was unstable and untrustworthy.”

“Andrea the Chief didn’t believe you and she allowed Opal to walk away because she didn’t consider the possibility that you were right.”

“You didn’t believe me either.” Andrew coldly reminds her, “Nobody did and honestly I do not blame them, if papa did that a year ago, I would have thought he was crazy too.”

Carina looks down the road sad for him, “You can’t blame yourself for what happened to Erin, if you do it’s just gonna hold you back and you won’t look forward. She’s safe and she’s with her family that is what’s important here, focus on that not on how you reacted while you were having a mental breakdown you didn’t ask for.”

“I ruined- no I single handedly destroyed the best relationship I ever had because I didn’t see what everybody else did.” Andrew sniffles as tears form around his eyes, “I did to her exactly what our father did to mama and I am never gonna forgive myself for that. She’s never gonna forgive me for doing this to her, for being another name in her list of crazy people that scarred her for life.”

“You didn’t mean to hurt her it was the mania that said and did all of those things not you.” Carina tells him from observation, “I’ve seen you with her for two years and those are two different people.”

“I told her she would end up like her father.” Andrew tells her in a regretful tone, “She was trying to help me see there was something wrong and my response was telling her that without me around she would end up like her father. Her junkie father who abandoned her after beating her, I told her she would end up like that man she hates more than anyone. And after that I compared her to her schizo mom who neglected her before screaming at her to get out of my apartment because I didn’t need her or want her. God I am the cruelest person in the world, I did that to a woman who has had more than enough crazy and pain to last a lifetime. I did that and nothing you say is gonna make that okay so don’t try.” Andrew takes a deep breath rubbing his face before continuing in a tearful voice, “I love her so much, I miss her so much, why didn’t I listen to her before I destroyed her why?”

Carina sniffles and wipes a stray tear away knowing how much her brother loves Amber and sees that love again for the first time in months. She only wishes Amber was here to see it so she can see at least one person in her life feels bad for the pain their mental illness put her through.

“You listened now.” Carina tells him, “You’re doing the work and she will see that. When she sees your getting better for yourself and her, she will forgive you and take you back.”

“It’s too late, way too late.”

Carina shakes her head, “She loves you and she’s hurt but I think if she knows you feel bad for the way you treated her, she will-”

“What did she say when you asked her to come to the intervention?”

Carina pauses at that sudden question and tries to lie, “I didn’t ask her.”

Andrew chuckles bitterly, “You always were a terrible liar. Just tell me word for word so I know how bad I messed this up and how much I need to do to make up for it.”

Carina sighs and relents, “She said she didn’t want to be a sitting duck for your verbal abuse again and that she’s learned from her mom, brother and now you to walk away from a bazooka pointing at her.”

Andrew grins slightly at Amber’s feisty nature, “That’s my girl, taking hits and not pulling back punches.”

“She’s upset Andrea you need to give her time to cool down.”

“We could live for thousands of years and the temperature in that woman wouldn’t go down a single digit.” Andrew takes out his phone to play a familiar voice mail, “If you don’t believe me listen to this voicemail, she left me after I ignored her calls.”

Carina listens to the voicemail that plays while she is driving with Andrew keeping a straight face after hearing this message too many times only now feeling anguished instead of anger as Amber’s slurring words fill the small car space, “Hi, it’s me again of course you didn’t answer, I guess it’s because you think I’m gonna point out what’s wrong with you and tell you I’m here for you to use as your own verbal punching bag. Yeah, that’s not gonna happen because I’m done Andrew, I am done caring about you because you clearly don’t care about me! Your sister made that obvious when she told me about you calling her and answering your phone when she calls while I have been here wondering where you are or if you’re dead!” Carina winces at that reminder of the day she accidentally told Amber Andrew was taking her calls.

Andrew continues holding the phone out, “You know what I’m not pissed anymore I am glad that you showed me what I should’ve seen two years ago at that awful bar. A man who is turning into a carbon copy of his father, you think I’m like my parents well let me tell you exactly what your dad would do. He would walk into your life acting all sweet and getting you to open your life to him but really he looks for weak spots to tear down like the cold manipulative son of a bitch you accuse him of being. That is exactly what you did to me you bastard.” Andrew closes his eyes at that feeling more tormented at soiling the loving and blissful relationship he and Amber established over two years.

“You got me to open my life to you, you let me feel safe enough to trust you and break my walls down that I put up after what my family did to me. And you know what you did Andrea Vincenzo DeLuca? You broke me! You made the pain you’ve caused so much worse by forcing me to let my guard down so you can twist the knife you put in my back. You are not the man I love, right now you are a carbon copy of your father who I hope ends up dead in a ditch because then you would know exactly how you made me feel you cruel, arrogant, crazy, selfish motherfucker!”

The voicemail ends and the car is filled with silence again as Carina processes that very vulgar message while Andrew looks down the road brooding over the voicemail his ex-girlfriend left when she was rightfully angry.

Carina exhales and takes a beat, “She’s very colorful with her words.”

Andrew nods still frowning, “Yeah and not afraid to make her point across. Do you still think she’s ready to forgive me, marry me and have my babies like none of it ever happened?”

Carina sighs, “I think you put her through a lot and you both need space to heal. The only thing you need to do now is take care of yourself, rest and learn how to establish a routine for yourself so you can be the man she loves again. If she ever decides to forgive you that is up to her and I think it might go better once she sees you are getting ahead of this. I will tell her where you are and how you are doing because I know no matter how angry she was at you she was still worried when you didn’t show up for work the next day. But for now, we’re gonna get you checked in, non aver paura.” Carina grips his hand to keep him calm as they stop outside the check in gate. Carina turns to the security guard, “I’m checking in my brother, Andrew DeLuca.”

“You need to drive around. You say goodbye there; he goes in on foot.” The drop arm in front of them pulls up and Carina drives around as instructed before putting the car in park. They both exit the car before taking his suitcase out of the trunk full of clothes and amenities for the month. Andrew takes an uneasy breath as he puts the suitcase on the ground ready to roll it inside the center.

He and Carina stand there for a moment looking at each other solemnly knowing the journey ahead is what he needs but not one that’s gonna be easy. Carina gives him a reassuring grin before putting her hands on his shoulders while he looks at her with guilt over how he treated her too after his breakdown. Carina has that far from her mind as the only thing that matters to her is that her baby brother knows he will always have her at his side through the worst times of his life like she always does.

“It’s going to be okay,” she says. “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it is. You’re nothing like Papa. He wouldn’t do this, he wouldn’t accept help, even in the worst times. That makes you better than him. It makes you stronger and more brave.”

Andrew nods and she takes it as a sign that he is taking in what she is saying.

“I love you, il mio fratellino. And I’m going to be right here to pick you up in four weeks, okay?” Andrew nods knowing this is what he needs and looks at his sister with gratitude for putting up with him at his worst and never giving up on him even when he wanted her to. He resolves from then on to make amends for his mistakes by being his best possible self. And he knows the first step to do that is to head inside so his sister’s efforts aren’t for nothing.

“Thank you,” Andrew says quietly.

It is all she needs to hear, and Carina feels her chest swell. She pulls him in for a hug, holding on to him for as long as she can. Andrew wraps his arms around her pulling her in tight as both an apology and a thank you. They stand there for a minute hugging like they did when their mama died, it was the worst moment of their lives. Despite that they knew then what they know now, that they’re in each other’s corners through the good and bad.

Andrew pulls back feeling calmer and rolls his suitcase behind him walking up the sidewalk to enter the large building. Carina looks on with pride for her brother’s bravery and heartache for his unfair inheritance. As soon as he’s inside the building Carina finally lets the tears fall that she has been holding in since they started the drive. Carina takes a deep breath, wipes her face and heads back inside the car to drive back home.

Later

Carina enters her apartment exhausted despite the sun still being up and walks to the kitchen for her secret junk food stash. Instead of an empty kitchen she finds Maya kneeling down looking in her bottom drawers and pulling out a deep glass baking dish. Maya stands up and smiles at Carina.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” Carina greets back pleasantly surprised by Maya in her apartment.

“I know I should have called first after last time, but I didn’t want to call at a bad time. I figured you and your brother needed to do this without intrusion and-”

Carina interrupts Maya with a kiss that takes the blonde firefighter’s breath away. Maya is conscious enough to put the glass on the counter, so she doesn’t drop it. She puts her hands on Carina’s firm waist sinking into this passionate embrace. After a few blissful moments Carina pulls back and leans her head forward against Maya’s looking deep into her blue eyes that look into her brown eyes with such love and conviction.

“I’m glad you’re here, I really needed to see you after.”

Maya rubs Carina’s back soothingly, “I’m here now, it didn’t go okay?”

Carina groans slightly, “He was hesitant at first there were tears and a lot of slamming doors…but eventually he agreed to let us help him. I called in and got him into a treatment center at Bellevue.”

“And the drive up?”

Carina sighs, “He told me how guilty he feels about Erin and Amber. He told me that he regrets hurting a woman that he loves repeatedly when she was trying to help. I told him that it would be okay that she might forgive him but honestly…I don’t know if she is.”

“I hurt you too, I lashed out and I did a very stupid and awful thing to you and you still forgave me. If we can do that then I think they can too.”

Carina chuckles bitterly, “You don’t know Amber Karev she is…she is angry and rightfully so and she has had enough people hurting her when they had a mental breakdown. I don’t know if she can forgive him and love him again. He loves her so much, what am I supposed to do if she rejects him and he is heartbroken without the love of his life there with him?”

Maya looks at her in thought, “…You could get him a dog.” Carina laughs at that suggestion causing Maya to smile, “I had to do something to make you smile. He’ll be okay I don’t know him but if he’s like you then he will bounce back and move on. As long as he still has you, he’ll be okay.”

“Okay.” Carina holds Maya’s hip. “And when he’s better, I’m going to make sure he gets to know you properly. I want him to know you, Maya.”

Maya smiles, her cheeks blushing pink. She is not normally the kind of person that someone wants to introduce to their family, and it used to be a red flag to her, but not this time. This time, she wants it. She wants to be all in with Carina and get to know her brother she loves so much hoping when the time comes, she gets his approval.

“I would like that.” Maya tells Carina who smiles, “I just hope he likes me.”

“He will.” Carina tells her with conviction, “If he doesn’t, he’ll just have to learn to get used to you or I will kick his bottom.” Maya laughs at that image and Carina looks at the pan with interest, “Why were you taking a pan out anyway? We’re you gonna make me something?”

Maya smiles and pulls away from Carina to grab the glass pan, “I remember you telling me that whenever you or your brother would get sad or scared you would go to the kitchen and make something together to cheer yourselves up. I thought we could do that since you need cheering up.”

Carina looks at Maya in awe over her remembering that story. She can still remember the day their mama yelled at papa and threw plates at him after he killed those four patients. She and Andrea would crawl under the covers and she would sing to him to calm him down. The next morning when their mama was in bed and their papa was at work, she took her brother to the kitchen and taught him how to make French toast. The process helped keep their minds off their parent’s breaking apart so every fight they overheard they would find a new recipe to try. It was their thing and it make Carina’s heart skip a beat at the thought of sharing that with Maya.

“You would do that for me?”

Maya nods, “I would do anything for you, I love you Carina.”

“Ti amo Maya.”

Maya smiles at the Italian words that she finds so sexy coming from Carina but focuses on the task at hand, “So do you want to start with the lasagna? I have been dying to know what your secret is.”

“Ah, ah, ah.” Carina teases, “You are not there yet bambina, we have start you off with something simple and then work our way up to my famous lasagna.”

Maya chuckles, “Oh really? Okay sexy Guy Fieri what’s level one of this cooking challenge?”

“Mmm.” Carina thinks with a grin, “Let’s start with something simple like spaghetti aglio e olio.”

“It sounds delicious what is it?”

“Spaghetti in garlic and oil sauce.” Carina explains.

Maya’s nose wrinkles at the concoction, “It sounds like a vampire’s worst nightmare.”

Carina chuckles, “Trust me bella you say that now but when we are done you will fall to your knees over my cooking skills.”

“News flash it doesn’t take you cooking for me to do that.” Maya tells her with a mischievous smile and Carina looks at her in amusement, “Okay what do you want me to do chef?”

“Chef? Wow I think I am going to love this.” Carina teases before they head to the pantry to pull out ingredients. Carina looks at Maya with love and admiration knowing that despite the day she and her brother had things were gonna be okay, she believed it.

#greys anatomy #grey's anatomy #greysedit #greysanatomyedit #maya bishop #carina deluca #andrew deluca imagine #andrew deluca #maya and carina #carina x maya #marina #maya x carina #lgbt pride #lgbtq #mental health support #mental heath support #mentalheathawareness #mental heath awareness #mental health

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jenyifer · 1 year ago

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Only Friends in Brain Soup

If you have seen my posts before you’ll probably recognize I use the term brain soup a lot. To me they are posts about my random questions I have while thinking about only friends. And I hope they feed your brain with new ideas about things. I’ve compared contrasted every character to Boston because he lives in my heart uwu. But I’ve realized something from making many many brain soups.

All of the Only Friends characters are alone. In their own minds each one is lonely this drives each of them to the point of desperation and moral grey.

Mew the intellectual desire to be in a relationship with Top. I think it was really telling when Mew said he should like ray he’s always been there. Very objective. Mew tried to think about Top in this way when they got together. Mew feels disconnected from his friends above them. He thinks he knows everything about them and they can’t understand him. He’s not gullible like he told Boston. He was always fearing the worst. Because he’s alone in his own mind on his pedestal and when he met Top join him there Mew can’t let go.

Top is the definition of an obsessed with aliens kid due to parental neglect. He is extremely self dependent. Arrogance that he can charm any person into dancing for him. But no one cares about who Top is and before Mew he kept the real Top who likes art hidden away. He can call Boeing or Boston to have relations with them because they don’t mean anything to Top so why would Mew care.

Sand’s conversation with Nick about talking to himself because he was lonely was very telling. I’m sure Sand did have people who considered Sand their friend but because of his emotional parentification he felt like no one could or should be there for Sand. He’s shocked when Nick wants to live with him because I bet he didn’t consider Nick someone who would help him out. He’s selfless to Ray because he is already expecting to be treated that way. Pushed aside not a priority and he feels like shit when he lets himself believe ray could challenge his place in life.

Ray 🥲 do I need to talk about him again. He has abandonment and depression issues from his mothers death that has lead to a mask. Shallow friendships. Shallow life. Ray is only a visitor. He can let go of Mew and Boston so easily because they didn’t really know ray anyway in his mind. Even Sand Ray held him so far away because he couldn’t believe sand wants to be patient loving to him. He’s afraid of the rejection the pain that can come with Sand being too close. But Sand keeps pushing his way in.

Boston someone who never received love before and thinks that is normal so he never gives it. Boston does feel love for his friends and Nick but showing it impossible. To protect himself he has meaningless flings never letting someone expect love from him. He keeps the reins of control because love scares him after his life of upheaval and neglect. He’s just a liability a temporary problem. He is going to leave soon. Internally Boston feels horribly alone because no one loves who he is because it’s so locked away there is no road of love in. But Nick sees it.

Nick doesn’t believe anyone could love him. Nick is extremely insecure about himself. He would rather people look at his outward appearance and ignore what he really is. The stalking is just a performance so Nick can be the one with all the knowledge in the relationship so Boston won’t see the horrible person Nick is. Nick can’t even let Sand really love him in a friendly way. He tricks himself into thinking it might be lust just because he has positive fuzzies for Sand. He can’t accept sand might just enjoy being about Nick for Nick.

Loneliness that binds them and keeps them separate. The great push and pull. Only. Friends. Lonely Friends.

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seravphs · 2 years ago

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ੈ♡˳·˖✶ — ZHONGLI X FEM READER

Zhongli only has three friends: Childe, Xiao, and you. Naturally, the three of you have to interact at some point.

wc — 1.4k

tags — meeting Childe because Zhongli wants you to, taking care of Xiao because Zhongli asked you to, reader is whipped without realizing it

glossary | chapter 6 of This Is How We Mourn The Living

Having tea with public enemy #1 of Liyue was not on your agenda today, but as always, Zhongli threw a wrench in your plans. It was meant to be a relaxing night alone, until you had spotted your friend. Normally, you’d join him immediately, but this time, some instinct stopped you, and for good reason. Across the floor of the tea house, a wanted criminal playfully begs Zhongli to feed him, citing ‘lack of competence with chopsticks’ as an excuse.

“Zhongli, what is the meaning of this?”

He flinches when he sees you. You’ve never seen him falter for the right words before, but he is now. “I- ah, this is-”

“I know who he is,” you snap. “I’m asking what you’re doing with him.”

The ginger man grins up at you. “Ooh, feisty. I like that.”

Zhongli shoots him a look.

“Zhongli, can I speak with you? Privately?” You ask, but Childe, as he introduces himself - you want to scrub the name out of your brain - is the most annoying person you’ve ever met.

“What? Anything you need to say to him, surely you can say in my presence.”

No, you absolutely cannot, because you are a government servant, keeper of various state secrets, and this is the man who nearly flooded your entire city. You convey all this through your eyes, and he completely ignores you, batting his eyelashes like that will convince you that he’s both trustworthy and friendly. It does nothing but set you off.

“Zhongli,” you hiss. “I cannot believe you’re willing to see him. He summoned Osial! It’s because of him that Ningguang lost the Jade Chamber - can you imagine the destruction that would have occurred if he had succeeded? Having him here is an affront to-“

“I tricked him,” Zhongli states simply, “so we’re even. And I’ve already spoken to him about this matter.”

You don’t believe that’s how it works.

Childe nods aggressively. “Yeah, girlie! Zhongli says it’s fine, so it’s fine. Here I thought the people of Liyue were known for their graciousness. What’s with the grudge? I was stopped before anything serious could happen.”

“You nearly flooded my entire city,” you say incredulously.

“That’s all water under the bridge now - oh, literally,” he says with a laugh. “Besides, I’m off the clock right now! I make it a rule not to talk business after hours unless I’m getting paid extra.”

“Ugh,” Childe makes a face as he takes a sip of his drink. “Liyue wine can’t compare to Snezhnayan fire whiskey. Hey, waiter! Don’t you have anything stronger?”

“Be respectful,” you say, pushing his hand down and smiling politely at the waiter, Ruohan. Of course you know him, as you’ve made it your mission to know most of the people in this part of Liyue. After all, you govern them - it’s only fair to remember their names and be able to recount their troubles with them.

He turns away, a light flush covering his cheeks. Zhongli coughs.

Childe’s eyes narrow. “That go down the wrong pipe, buddy?”

Zhongli holds up a hand to wave off his worry. “Enough. I would like the two of you to get along-“

“As if!” You say.

“Shouldn’t be a problem!” Childe grins.

Of Zhongli’s acquaintances, you greatly prefer Xiao to Childe. It’s been a while since you’ve seen the adeptus, so you head off for the inn he usually calls home. After all, you had promised you would visit, and a Qixing never breaks a promise, though Xiao probably wouldn’t have minded if you did. Preferred it, even, but you made good on your debts, regardless of anyone’s opinions.

“Leave this place immediately,” he says as soon as he sees you, like always, but now you take it as his version of hello. Perhaps it would work on some less thick skinned mortals, but you were Qixing. You had dealt with far more harsh language in your career, and you weren’t about to let Xiao chase you away - especially not knowing how much pain he was in.

“How are you feeling? I brought more almond tofu.”

“There’s no need,” he says, but he holds his hand out for your offering anyway. “You should stop visiting. This is no place for mortals like you. And tell Morax he no longer needs to provide me with the medicine.”

“He prefers Zhongli,” you say mildly, inching closer like he’s a cat you might scare off. When he doesn’t flee, you grab him by the wrist, whip-quick, and pull him down next to you. As expected of an adeptus, he reacts in record time, pulling away from your grip, but you’re strong, and he doesn’t want to hurt you.

“What are you doing?” His words come out like a hiss, but you ignore him, placing the bowl of almond tofu, dusted with a variety of herbs carefully selected and powdered by Zhongli, in front of him.

“Eat. You’ll feel better.”

And while he begrudgingly takes spoonful after spoonful into his mouth, his tattoos begin to glow, black ink receding down his arms in favor of green. A physical change comes over him. Xiao’s always been strong, but the way he looks without the burden of karmic debt is completely different, as if, even with the face of a young man, he’s lost several years of aging. The lines of his face, drawn taut in my pain, have disappeared, and his mouth is no longer set in a severe frown. He could almost pass for friendly, when he’s not in constant pain.

Sometimes, not often, Xiao reminds you of Little Meng, the child who always begged you to play pirates with him in Liyue Harbor. Of course, you were sure he would be offended if you told him he reminded you of a role-playing toddler, but there was a similarity. Both Little Meng and Xiao were stoic sufferers, unwilling to let other people see their pain, or attempt to relieve it. And both were loyal to a fault.

“Zhongli makes you medicine because he cares. If you stopped taking it, you’d hurt him.”

“I am his vassal,” Xiao said. “It’s not right for him to tend to me.”

“I think Zhongli stopped considering you anything of his besides a friend a long time ago.”

To your surprise, Xiao actually listens to you. He doesn’t make an attempt to argue. “I suppose you would know what he thinks now,” he says slowly, and you have no idea what that’s supposed to mean.

He’s always overworking himself. Ningguang’s people told you as soon as you stepped in the inn. The adeptus doesn’t rest, doesn’t stop for anything in his merciless hunt for monsters. You have experience taking care of people like him.

Ningguang, Keqing, and even, admittedly, yourself - the best way to deal with such headstrong people is to just let them tire themselves out, then slowly guide them where you want them to be.

You snatch his spear away as soon as he reaches for it, already intent on jumping off the balcony to go find some more monsters to devour. The offended look on his face makes you gulp, but you soldier on. After all, you’ve already gotten away with manhandling him once today. Perhaps that has made you bold - too bold - enough so to grab an adeptus and place his head in your lap so you can stroke his green-black hair, the fringe falling in his eyes.

“You protect everyone. Let us protect you. Xiao, go to sleep.”

He fights the effects of the medicine, but it’s no use. His eyes are closing, and he falls swiftly into what must be his first peaceful rest in a long, long time.

Zhongli is waiting by the entrance to your apartment by the time you finally arrive home, when the waning moon is high in the sky. You stayed with Xiao as long as you could, watching his breathing even out, giving him the human contact he must have gone without for years. Even when you reluctantly had to leave, you entrusted him to the care of the innkeepers.

“Jiyao mishu,” he starts.

You remember how hurt he had looked when you had called him Zhongli-xiansheng. These titles between the two of you are useless formalities that only remind him of past sources of pain. You must be tired, because that’s the only excuse for how you’re suddenly blurting out, “You can call me by my name.”

Your smile freezes on your face as you hurry to add, “Because you let me call you Zhongli.”

“Of course,” he says, ever elegant, ever capable at steering past the awkwardness in a conversation. “May I come in?”

#sera writes #zhongli x reader #genshin impact x reader

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dirtbra1n · 10 months ago

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WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT KRISNIX VS WRIGHTWORTH

HI SUNNFISH it’s been eight days and I’m not getting any work done right now anyway. Ha ha ha ha. I’m gonna go dig up some of my nutjob krisnix hashtag #Posts

okay that done I’m actually gonna talk about wrightworth first. baby’s first yaoi probably It makes sense and it compels me.

really really beautiful thing about wrightworth is how many people go into the first ace attorney thinking that the prevalence of attorney yaoi is a result of typical fandom behavior and get blasted with the concentrated blast of shu takumi’s vision of how chronically strange normal guy phoenix wright decided to completely change the trajectory of his life for one of his boy best friends from the 4th grade. unnecessary feelings and its ramifications. miles edgeworth choosing death gate. the ugly ways phoenix does not cope with this, on account of his many issues. redacted hospital scene. sundry textual instances of phoenix’s well-adjustment re: edgeworth shot at the player point blank. miles edgworth That man… gate. wrightworth is so fucking much you guys……..

I do not see either of these two biting the bullet to establish a formally romantic relationship in any capacity until they are well into their thirties. they need to be extraordinarily strange at and about one another for decades on end and then elope on a thursday afternoon, which will not ease up the strangeness but will grant them various legal benefits. love wins! Longer post would talk about how and why they’re weird. but I need to talk ab

sunnfish when I tried the media tab first for collected krisnix miscellany I passed this and it made me cry laugh

I need to talk about krisnix

trying to pin down my deepest rooted beliefs is like pulling teeth. You know there was a time where apparently I saw nothing interesting about kristoph. I’ve become a better and weirder person in the meantime. it makes sense. it compels me. ha ha ha ha.

^ 2dirt2brain krisnix breakdown of december ’23. of which we’re all very aware I’m sure. kristoph wants control of the world around him and is as incapable of fulfilling that desire as any mortal man. phoenix has a lot more free time nowadays. regular dinners together. seven years. play hooky, get hooked. unkillable phoenix wright. you can’t fake an affection that long—seven years. come on, now. get back to the office after they take him in and slump a little. you ought to say, now or never, that you kinda like the guy.

you’ve (🫵 not him) got to know that phoenix wright is a hard as hell guy to know We’ve compared him to tashiro before sunnfish I know this. he doesn’t open up. clam shut tight of course I think we should give kristoph a paring knife to try and crack him open. just can’t trust him with knives bigger than that one.

like of course the psychosexual warfare is the main thing. but seven years together and zero reason to believe that the guy who cost you your attorneys badge would murder anyone means seven years of some of the heartiest insane appealing-directly-to-me Situation the world has ever, ever seen. some of this is psychosexual warfare. everything else is a secret worse thing.

I think flawed attorney and devastatingly loyal man phoenix wright should try to save kristoph’s life. bet you never thought you’d care this much about capital punishment, huh, phoenix?

also kristoph should be time looped

now considering the VS. statistically I trust more people with wrightworth because the sheer numbers go crazy. I trust myself and my friends with krisnix more however because krisnix is fundamentally custom built for me to chew on and bite into. two cakes. we should put edgeworth and kristoph in a cage match. I think they just WOULD NOT get along, separate from phoenix entirely. tear each other’s dicks off!!!!!

as a bonus here is a short list of things that remind me of krisnix

boris by lo-fang

that myth about a dog locking its jaws as it bites into you

magnet poem I spent actual hours laboriously stitching together whilst listening to kristoph’s solitary confinement theme

Also munchausen by proxy have I said that already

and of course the second bonus:

#started getting very tired in the process of writing this if things start falling apart that’s why. Open to call to everyone forever #ALWAYS feel free to ask me about krisnix. shit is soooo fucked up Did you know i can fix ace attorney. did you know this guys #askbox #AND WHILE I’VE GOT YOU HERE. KRISTOPH LOVED AND LOVES HIS YOUNGER BROTHER. IT WOULDN’T HURT HALF AS HAD THEMATICALLY IF HE DIDN’T #Okay fin. two cakes…… i love you sunnfish………….

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musette-thornsong · 11 months ago

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OJ: Bride of Thrax – Domestic Dispute, Pt. I

Hey, it’s been a while but I’m finally finishing what I started. Ozzy and Leah are having doubts about their elopement with all the crazy murders surrounding them. So much so, they believe one or the other is the killer. But when an unfortunate accident occurs, the truth is revealed before them as Thrax and Aura take matters into their own hands. However, the demon couple will have their own trials to face compared to the cell couple.

Warning: Explicit Language/Violence

Aurie Zurie belongs to me

Ozzy and Leah were at their wits end with all the murders and jumped to conclusions that one or the other was the culprit. So much so that each separately called Drix on advice on what to do about the situation. He shows up at the hotel the next morning and hitches a ride in the van to talk things out. Drix insists that both of them are innocent and wrong about the whole situation until he starts to get a whiff of something strange in the back of the van.

Drix: The thing that struck me was how sure you both sounded. And to me, that meant one of three things: One of you is lying, both of you are crazy, or both of you are wrong. Add to that the fact that I know you both better than anyone else, and I’ve never seen either of you so much as hurt a fly, and I’ve concluded that what we have here is a terrible misunderstanding.

Ozzy: (looks to Leah, puzzled)

Leah: (looks to Ozzy, puzzled)

Drix: (gets a whiff of something rather foul) Do you two smell something rather odd in here?

Thrax & Aura: (discreetly look to each other worried)

Ozzy: Okay, for the sake of argument, if it wasn’t you and it wasn’t me, then who else would wanna kill Phlegmming and that crooked bodyguard of his?

Leah: (adds on) And those people from last night.

Drix: (corrects them) You’re assuming Phlegmming’s dead. He’s only missing.

Leah: (concludes) You’re suggesting that Phlegmming…

Drix: (concurs) Yes! Why not? The man is power-hungry and will go to whatever lengths to get what he wants. I’d probably buy him as a psychopath before either of you two (gets a whiff of the foul odor once again, looking around in curiosity) My word! Something is really quite odorous in here.

Leah: I told you not to leave your dirty drawers back there.

Ozzy: (smiles Leah lovingly in relief)

Drix: I must suggest, Ms. Estrogen, this is not the rancorous smell of someone’s unmentionables (sniffs around further)

Drix kept sniffing around trying to place the order until he notics a small puddle of cytoplasm at the base of the trunk seat. Suspicious, Drix hovers down to move the Thrax & Aura dolls out of the way before lifting the latch. The moment he lifted up the seat, the sight before him left him in shock. Within the seat was Phlegmming’s nail-pierced face and blood-soaked corpse. The horror of it all leaves him in utter disbelief but comes to the immediate conclusion of their guilt.

Ozzy: (openly admittedly) I feel like such an idiot.

Leah: (reciprocates) Me too.

Ozzy: I mean, I can’t believe I thought that you could kill someone.

Leah: (apologizes) I know. I’m so sorry.

Drix: (notices an ice grenade that Phlegmming had previously swiped from him before secretly placing it in his arm cannon)

Ozzy: Drix, what would we do without you?

Drix: (jumps immediately at the odd question before suddenly closing the seat shut to remain inconspicuous, slightly panicking)

Leah: (smiles at him happily)

Ozzy: (gives him a respectful nod)

Drix: (worried) What do you mean “Without me”?

Ozzy: I mean you set us straight, buddy. We owe ya one.

Leah: You’re a good friend. The best (moves to the back to give Drix a hug)

Drix: (whips out his armed cannon in a panic) Pull over!

Ozzy: (looks back to see the sight behind him)

Drix: (demands at Ozzy) Pull over now!

Ozzy: (pulls the van over, before climbing to the back to calm Drix down unsure of his sudden behavior) Drix, come on, buddy, it’s me. Come on, let’s talk this over.

Drix: I’m not your buddy.

Ozzy: FUCK, DRIX!! PLEASE JUST PUT THE CANNON DOWN!!

Drix: (freaking out, charges the lever ready to shoot) Why? So you can kill me too?

Leah: WAIT! WAIT! WE DIDN’T KILL ANYBODY!!

Drix: (still keeps them at bay) Oh, you’re good. You’re good! You even had me fooled.

Leah: (confused) What are you talking about?

Drix: THIS!! (lifts up the seat showing them Phlegmming’s corpse, disgusted)

Ozzy & Leah: (gasps in horrific shock with Leah ready to vomit)

Thrax & Aura: (look to each other realizing the jig was up)

Leah: (turns to Ozzy in disbelief) You son of a bitch!

Ozzy: (defensively points at Leah) DRIX, I DIDN’T DO IT! SHE DID IT!

Leah: (defends herself) DRIX, I WOULD NEVER…

Drix: (shouts) SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!

Drix keeps the cannon on them and backs out of the van before he notices a passing police car and begins hailing it over when they see his weapon. Drix turns back only to find two unexpected figures in front of him with guns.

Drix: (calls out to the police) HEY, HELP! OVER HERE!!

Thrax & Aura: (point their guns directly at Drix)

Thrax: NOBODY MOVE!!!

Ozzy & Leah: (shocked to see a familiar face)

Leah: OH MY GOD!!!

Ozzy: (stares in terror of his old enemy)

Thrax: (smiles sinisterly) Hey Jones, long time no see.

Drix: (shocked to see Thrax too as well as a former teammate in her current state)

Drix backed away from the van slowly not noticing the oncoming truck heading right at him. Having forgotten his cannon was charged as he turned to move out of the way too late, the truck smashed right into Drix blowing up the front of the truck and himself in an icy explosion upon impact. The collision causes a pileup on the road as the cops were closing in.

Ozzy: (screams for his friend) DRIX!!!

Leah: (screams in horror) NOOOO!!!

Thrax: (shrugs to Aura) That works too.

Aura: (shouts) GET THIS HEAP OF SHIT MOVING!!! NOW! NOW! NOW!

Ozzy gets the van going as Leah closes the back-end doors before speeding off. Leah looks out the back window at the truck only to see icy blue remains of her good friend splattered all over the grill. She begins to weep at the loss feeling helpless. The cops got in closer before Thrax forces her to open the doors at gunpoint then shoots at the patrol car’s wheels while laughing maniacally. The cops veer off the side of the road as Leah closes the doors back in. Ozzy sped the van even further making sure they got far enough away just as they were entering New Jersey.

Thrax: (breaks the ice while keeping the hostages at gunpoint, smirking) I imagine at this point you two must have a lot of questions. You remember me, of course, right Jones?

Ozzy: How could I not? I remember the face of anyone who tried to kill me

Thrax: (chuckles reminiscently, gestures) And I’m sure you recognize an old partner of yours, donthca’?

Aura: (reassures, keeping her gun up) Oh, I’m sure he’d never forget me after the way the force dogged me out at the station as I was unjustly tried and fired. Isn’t that right, Jonesy?

Ozzy: (shocked to find his old friend and neighbor as a demon) So, how did you end up like this?

Leah: (looks on in disbelief and shock too)

Thrax: Well, it’s a long story.

Aura: (agrees) It sure is.

Thrax: In fact, if it was a movie, it would take three or four sequels just to do it justice.

Leah: What are you gonna do with us?

Thrax: Funny you should ask.

Aura: (explains) These bodies are okay. But they’re like apartments that we’re just renting. But now we’re movin’ on up.

Thrax: Like George & Weezie.

Aura: And we’re lookin’ to buy

Thrax: And you know what they say about real estate. Location, location, location. Well, you guys are definitely in the right place at the wrong time.

Thrax & Aura: (cackle menacing with glee)

Ozzy: (overhears the radio broadcast and turns up the volume when their names are mentioned)

Radio: *This is a CNN (Cerebral Neural Network) special report. The Jones & Estrogen case keeps getting weirder and weirder. Fingerprints discovered at two separate crime scenes have been identified as belonging to Thrax a.k.a. the Red Death, the notorious serial killer gunned down in 2001. Now police confirm that Thrax’s corpse will be exhumed from a Hackensack, New Jersey cemetery sometime today*

Thrax: (worried) What?!

Aura: (panics) Thrax, the Heart of Damballa!!

Ozzy & Leah: (freaking out silently towards the news)

Thrax: (grunts) I know!

Aura: What’ll we do? What’ll we do?

Thrax: Shut up! Just let me think, a’ight? First, we gotta get some new wheels. Every cop within 500 miles is looking for this van. We need something inconspicuous, but with a little style.

They manage to find an RV and commandeer but only after shooting the elderly owners point-blank in the heads. Thrax keeps an eye on Ozzy at the wheel from the front passenger seat as they entered the city of Hackensack. Aura keeps Leah tied up in the back as she cooks dinner while having a smoke and dolls up Leah for the upcoming ritual.

Aura: (smoking, tries to apply makeup to Leah’s face) Hold still, honey, or I’m gonna poke ya’ in the eye again.

Leah: (resists fervently while struggling against her binds)

Aura: (looks her down and up) Yes. I believe I’m going to look absolutely ravishing.

She hears the oven timer go off signaling her cookies were ready. She heads to the closet to fetch an apron where the elderly cell couples’ corpses were shoved in. She carefully removes the tray and brings the cookies up to the front for her husband.

Aura: Oops, scuse’ me (grabs the apron and close the door, then brings cookies to Thrax)

Ozzy: (keeps an eye out waiting for an opening he could exploit)

Thrax: (finishes his spicy Swedish meatballs just Aura approaches) Nobody makes Carne Asada-styled Swedish meatballs like you, baby. Peachy!

Aura: Thanks, honeybun. I hope you left room for dessert (offers Thrax chocolate chip & peanut butter cookies)

Thrax: You know it, Sweet Cheeks (grabs a few cookies before kissing Aura lovingly on the cheek)

Ozzy: (weirded out with the overly lovey-dovey display)

Thrax: (takes a bite of a cookie, then turns to Ozzy) Ya’ know, Jones, if I had known that marriage was such a great gig, I would’ve never waited this long to tie the knot.

Ozzy: (spots the dirty dishes through the rearview mirror) On the other hand, she’s not much of a housekeeper, is she?

Thrax: (skeptical but saw that Jones had a point, turns to Aura) Hey, Aura, baby?

Aura: (looks up) Huh?

Thrax: Those dishes aren’t gonna wash themselves ya’ know.

Aura: (glares daggers at Thrax, insulted)

Leah: (curious as to what Ozzy was trying to pull, but catches on immediately and plays along) You were nice enough to cook for him. The least he could do is wash the dish

Aura: Uugh… (seeing how Leah made a fascinating point picks up a dirty dish and angrily throws it at Thrax as it smashes on the back of his seat)

Thrax: (surprised at her behavior) What are you doing?!

Aura: (angrily throws another dish at him) Raaaagh!!

Thrax: (dodges the other barely before confronting her) What would Martha Stewart say?

Aura: (shouts in a fed-up tone) FUCK, MARTHA STEWART!!!

Thrax: (taken aback by her response)

Aura: (goes on) MARTHA STEWART CAN KISS MY SHINY DEMON RED BUTT!!! Here I am slaving away over a hot stove, making cookies, making spicy Swedish meatballs, and for WHAT!? FOR A MAN WHO DOESN’T EVEN APPRECIATE ME!! FOR A MAN WHO CAN’T EVEN WASH ONE FUCKING DISH!! FOR A MAN WHO ISN’T EVEN A MAN AT ALL WHERE IT COUNTS IF YOU GET MY DRIFT!! (looks to Leah) Take it from me, honey. Sex dolls is no substitute than for a nice hunk of wood.

Thrax: (shocked and angered that she insulted his manhood, looking to Ozzy) I didn’t hear her complaining last night. (looks back to Aura) Any guy would need a hunk of plastic, probably battery-operated, to get a reaction out of you in bed.

Ozzy: (notices the road sign to the Forest Hills Cemetery at the next right)

Thrax: And by the way, WHERE THE HELL DID YOU LEARN TO BAKE!? (tosses the cookies at Aura)

Aura: (offended) How dare you speak to me that way!

Thrax: You started it!

Aura: I did not!

Leah: (takes action kicking Aura into the oven kicking the hatch shut)

Thrax: NOOO!!! (shoots at Leah)

Ozzy: (sends Thrax flying in one punch out the passenger window)

Thrax: (shoots at Ozzy)

Ozzy turned the RV hard to the right to dodge the bullet. Unfortunately, this causes the RV roll off the road and sent everything tumbling with Leah still tied up and under the debris. Down the hill they went until the RV came to a complete stop. Everything inside was in shambles, gas fluid was leaking from the pipes, and several electrical cables were lashing around. Leah manages to wake up with a slight headwound only to see Ozzy knocked out at the wheel.

Leah: (sees the sparking cables, panicking) Ozzy? Osmosis, please. Please. Oh, God. (struggles to get loose) Osmosis!! (hears a sudden metal squeaking noise before slowly looking over her shoulder towards the oven, starts getting hysterical remembering the demoness was still in there)

Aura: (burst onto the oven window in a charred-up state, screaming vicious agony) AAAAAAAGHH!!! AAAAAAAAAGHH!!

Leah: (screams in terror) AAAAAAGH!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!

Ozzy: (coughs coming out of his unconscious mode)

Leah: (looks back for Aura again only to see her gone)

Aura: (bursts out of the oven seconds later, attacking Leah) YOU BITCH!!! (bites the concave of Leah’s ear)

Leah: (screams in searing pain)

Ozzy: (rushes to her aid grabbing Aura by the hair and tossing her aside, before attempting to free Leah)

Leah: (sees the gas fluid getting closer and sparking cables as well, rushes Ozzy) HURRY!!

Ozzy: (struggles to undo the ropes before checking the sink, finds a knife and cuts the ropes just in time to grab the cables and kick the door open)

Leah: (gets up rushing to Ozzy, trying to jump out with him) No!!

Ozzy: GO, GO, GO!!

Leah: (pleads for him to jump with her) NOT WITHOUT YOU!!

Ozzy: (insists) I’LL BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!! (shoves Leah out the door as he notices the gas fluid running past his suedes)

Leah: (barely makes it as she stands up not noticing the shadow behind her)

Thrax: (points the gun to her, coyly) Hey, beautiful.

Leah: (screams frightened)

Ozzy tosses the cable behind him before diving out the RV as the cable collides with the gas setting everything on fire. Ozzy made out just as the RV exploded in a huge fiery blaze. Not to far was Aura in a burned and bloodied condition as she crawled towards her gun.

Aura: (struggles to reach for her gun, groaning in catastrophic pain)

Ozzy: (steps on her arm before grabbing the gun)

Aura: (cries out weakly) Aaaaack!!

Ozzy: (pulls back the slide ready to shoot before noticing Leah running off Thrax in her arms with his gun at her heart) LEAH!!!

Thrax: (barks) Move it!

Leah: (continues heading towards the cemetery)

Ozzy: (grabs Aura by the hair, chasing after them)

Aura: (weakly cries out from being flung around life a rag doll)

Ozzy raced after Thrax and Leah with Aura’s charred body in tow. He had almost lost Leah once and he was not intending on losing her for real this time. He would get his true love back at any cost. But will this prove more of a challenge than he can handle? And will become of the demon couple at odds?

To be continued…

#osmosis jones #osmosis jones thrax #ozzy x leah #ozzy x thrax #ozzy x drix

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merp-blerp · 2 years ago

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I just thought about something in the original version of Heathers The Musical that I actually don’t like as a long time lover of this show. I’ve never seen anyone mention this factor about the show before, so I thought I’d write about it.

TW: Sexual Assault, brief mentions of depression and suicide

McNamara’s assault is very downplayed and made for laughs in the original off broadway version of the show.

In the film, Mac invites Veronica, seemingly innocently, to a double date with Kurt and Ram, as she’s going with one of them (I forget which one) and wants Ronnie as part of the other half of the date. She agrees and joins the date, which ends up detouring at a cow pasture, where McNamara is unfortunately raped/sexually assaulted and Veronica leaves her behind to go with JD (which is a big, kinda ignored by the fans, flaw and aspect of her character—her emotional disconnect with others—but that’s intentionally placed for her arc in the film and this post isn’t about that). I believe this moment had a lot to do with her depression and her attempt on her life later on, even if it’s not explicitly stated.

In the off broadway show, McNamara and Duke are on the double date. Mac calls Veronica for help and once she gets to the cemetery where they are Mac informs her that Kurt and Ram got drunk and Kurt began to assault Mac, but agreed to leave her alone if they called Veronica; Veronica points out that Mac seemingly volunteered her for date-rape and Mac replies “Oh you make it sound ugly…” implying Ronnie’s not wrong. She and Duke casually watch as Kurt and Ram antagonize Veronica during the song “Blue” and don’t let her in the car to escape, seemingly so they can stay true to the deal and not get assaulted themselves. Kurt and Ram are too inebriated to actually do anything to Veronica and she gets away quite easily without any harm. All of this is played as comedic.

Why on earth did the show villainize Mac, and by some extension Duke in this situation? In terms of Duke, while she was always a pretty clear-cut villain in the film, she wasn’t originally involved in this situation at all and therefore adding her to it off broadway makes her come off as worse than she was supposed to be. Mac’s character is especially harmed in this version of the plot. Mac was a character who, while she did do indirect harm by reaping the benefits of being a part of the top antagonistic club of Westerburg in the film, was ultimately a victim of bullying and sexual harassment that nearly ended her life. Mac actually doesn’t even do much bullying outside of maybe laughing at some people in the film, she’s kind just there. In the off broadway show, while she’s still a victim of bullying and sexual harassment, she’s also much more of a perpetrator/enabler of it. When it comes to the being a perpetrator of bullying thing I’m pretty okay with that I think, as it still fits the narrative, but her enabling sexual harassment feels really wrong when you compare it to the original narrative of her being just a victim. Why change that and make her both victim and villain in the situation? Yes, she’s a Heather and the Heathers are supposed to be toxic, but I don’t get what they were going for when it came to this particular plot line by making Mac intentionally in the wrong here, especially when the rest of Mac’s arc is in tact. It fucks with it a bit. I get the musical is an adaptation not a remake and characters can change in adaptations, but they could’ve adapted this plot line in better tastes initially. It’s not wrong simply because it’s different from the film, it’s wrong because it ignores the harm that sexual assault can do and villainizes a victim. Mac assault and the potential assault of Veronica being played for laughs is also pretty bad. The show wants to be humorous, but in this case it took it too far. This situation just can’t be funny—it wasn’t meant to be. It’s quite telling that the majority of fans during Heathers’s initial apex in popularity (2017-2019, you know, that era) didn't seem to even realize the scene was supposed to be about sexual assault to begin with, myself included.

I like how the west end version of the show patches this up. In this case, one or all of these things could be true: A) It’s implied that Duke put Mac up to calling Veronica, which sure, still arguably over-villainizes Duke (especially since in this version she’s forgiven at the end for some reason), but fits into Mac’s arc of her being a follower and her having to unlearn that. B) It’s implied that Mac thought Veronica had a crush on Kurt and Ram and was just setting her up with them. About as innocent in the situation as she was in the film. C) Most of all, the assault is no longer a thing that surely happened like it was off broadway. It might’ve happened, considering that Kurt and Ram still try to assault Veronica during “You’re Welcome”. It’s not hard to imagine, but Mac doesn’t say that it happened. And yes, there’s still the deal with Kurt and Ram to get Veronica so they’ll leave Mac and Duke alone, but again Mac seems to think she’s helping Veronica get with guys she likes and now she wants Kurt and Ram off her back not because they assaulted her, but because they’re kinda annoying her and Duke, stopping at a cow pasture to go cow tipping instead of going to the cemetery like they wanted (or at least like Mac wanted, I don’t know if Duke would’ve cared about Chandler enough to really want to go). She thinks Ronnie’ll like it. She doesn’t seem to be volunteering Ronnie for date-rape this time, she’s just unknowledgeable and doesn’t seem to realize that Veronica doesn’t like Kurt and Ram and that they are dangerous. And while not in the earlier versions of the west end show, in recent shows Mac isn’t complicit in “Never Shut Up Again/You’re Welcome (Reprise)/Big Fun (Reprise)” when spreading the three-way rumors about Veronica and just stands off to the side as the chaos ensues, which again reflects her arc of being a passive follower and needing to unlearn that. And while I don’t think this happens in the bootlegs I have copies of, I’ve heard that in the Roku proshot (that I haven’t seen yet) Mac actively tries to help Veronica, which could add to that arc I’ve been mentioning; it could be her beginning to unlearn, only for her to then relearn her habits due to Duke’s takeover, then she’s back on the right track my the end of the show. So if that’s true that’s also a huge improvement from “Blue (Reprise)” and the old “Never Shut Up Again/You’re Welcome (Reprise)/Big Fun (Reprise)” where she’s dancing along for for some reason. “Blue” is better than “You’re Welcome” music-wise in my opinion, but the way they treat and incorporate “You’re Welcome” into the plot is light years better (if that makes sense).

The changes do cause some new issues in the story. For example, why does Duke get to stand with Veronica, Martha, and Mac in the end? She already didn’t deserve forgiveness in past versions and now she further villianized, so she deserves it less, right? And Mac letting go of her to me was a big part of her not being a follower anymore, having a real friend in Veronica rather than a boss or weird boss-friend-mix in Duke (and maybe Chandler, but they don’t interact enough for you to see what they’re dynamic is. Mac says she was her “best friend” right before “Lifeboat”, so I think it must’ve been healthier than her relationship with Duke). So Mac and Duke still being friends is a slight step back to me. It’d be healthier for Mac to heal without her, and for Duke too, because the Heathers thing clearly bring out the worst in her and isn’t mentally healthy for her to take part in. And “Blue” should’ve never been as much of a joke as if was, but “You’re Welcome” makes Kurt and Ram actual threats, therefore the whole “but they could’ve grown up to be good, so was it alright to kill them?” question the musical tries to ask is a bit harder to ask from the audience; “Who cares? They were dangerous” some would say, I’m sure. At least in the off broadway show they were too bumbling to actually hurt Veronica and therefore you could still ask the question somewhat. And you could argue cutting Mac’s assault as a whole might take away from her arc. It personally think it still works, as even though her assault is likely supposed to be a big factor in her depression, there are still plenty of other reasons for it to be there, like Duke’s bullying, her best friend’s death, and/or maybe Mac just already has mental health issues inherently. At least the show takes sexual abuse more seriously than it used to.

I love the original off broadway production of Heathers and it’ll always have a special place in my heart, but I gotta admit, it wasn’t by any means perfect. And while I think the west end version feels a little off in it’s presentation (which might just be a regional thing, as I’m American) and I don’t love every change they made (mainly, in my opinion, the sometimes unnecessary changes in lyrics and some lines—looking at you “Deep down you’ve always know” v.s. The superior “Go on a bitch and moan”), I do think it improved the original in terms of writing in a few ways, especially it’s take on sexual assault.

#heathers #heathers the musical #heathers off broadway #heathers west end #heather mcnamara #heather duke #heather chandler #veronica sawyer #kurt kelly #ram sweeney #martha dunnstock #mcnamawyer

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ciswomenofficial · 2 years ago

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I can’t seem to send replies right now. I’ve got an influx of new followers, so I’d doubly like to say no one start any drama.

@werewolfwebsite

you are making a fool of yourself. I’m mad at specifically those trans men who won’t do shit for trans women beyond shallow words, and I do not care about terfs online. Arguing with terfs online is one of the behaviors I have specifically criticized on the part of a many trans men; in the extreme form of this behavior sending rape threats to cis women online and whatever else I’ve seen certain trans men doing about the problem is not helpful. Real life is of course the only arena that matters, and change there comes out of the barrel of a gun. It is always the fools who think they can “subdue the enemy gently,” and almost always among those classes and strata with a enough of a glimpse of a chance to move upwards in the hierarchy who try such tactics.

I’m not calling for brazen adventurism either, of course. We need to actually build something in real life, and we need to have it protected by the gun. That is another matter from the point I was making which is that certain trans men are hyper-individualists and will not subordinate themselves to anyone or anything else. One example of this in particular is that they put their group first and do not look at the whole, as though they are the revolutionary subject. I personally work to subordinate myself to others. As one example, I think frequently of the third-world workers who labor for long hours in factories to produce my current lifestyle as someone who lives in the USA settler state; I try to keep these people in mind as much as possible in my analysis when I believe it pertains to them. But many trans men cannot give more though than a few shallow and individualistic words to even the trans women next to them. These trans men, as they are will not be able to organize any kind of effective mass movement. They are 1% of the population and can hope to achieve nothing on their own. For such a small group, it is especially impossible to enact actual political revolution, doubly so from a self centered perspective. And so, in my analysis in the past I have thought about cis women and men, trans men, racial divides among them, etc. but ultimately I have still found that lacking. I have come to the conclusion that we have taken identity politics too seriously, and that we need to look at the exact lines of the economic divides that exist along gendered lines in the world today and use that as our starting point.

The attachment to politically organizing around our identity categories is ingrained in the queer community on all fronts, but particularly those who are most invested in the identity project and most self centered, something that as stated before I have observed in many trans men, particularly along racial lines, are a hinderance to this project. I have gotten all of this attention at the end of the day for simply trying to observe how certain trans men even go so far as to be outright reactive as a not-insignificant minority and how that is a pattern deeply infected with transmisogyny within trans mens communities. The response was likely by a combination of trans men who had more moderate transmisogyny (as compared to the outright reactives who grow out of their segment of the trans community) and thus stake in defending themselves and their incorrect ideas, and perhaps also certain trans men who maybe were taken aback by my criticisms, did not understand them, and had a harsh reading of them.

Lastly, why do you see someone with the url ciswomenofficial and assume they are a cis woman? Have you people never heard of jokes™️?

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gender-thoughts · 2 months ago

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October 21 2017

CW: SA, #Metoo

Ever since I started seeing the #metoo posts, I’ve been wondering.

I’m having trouble understanding why people are shocked to see so many of them. I mean, it’s sad that I’m not surprised that there are so many stories out there, but almost every woman I’ve ever spoken to can tell me about an experience of being sexually harassed, if not abused, or molested. What’s really disheartening about it is knowing that this is so common. It’s frustrating that it took this kind of movement to convince people. We shouldn’t have to convince anyone. But the slew of obtuse opinions I’ve seen plastered across social media tell me exactly why a movement like this needs to exist.

It’s making me sad to see people try to discount someone else’s experience because it might be less obviously traumatizing, or accusing people of sharing their stories purely for attention.

Why do we do things like that?

Even if you know someone well enough that you think you know that person has never experienced sexual assault, you don’t know everything. My #metoo experiences? Kameron is the only person I’ve ever told about them. And up until now I’ve never told anyone else for that exact reason– not being able to trust that someone will believe your experience. That sucks.

Which is why it was painful when a friend brought it up in conversation recently and acted annoyed about the whole thing. Speaking straight out of his butthole, he said something like

“How can so many people possibly have experienced sexual assault? It seems to me like most people just figured it was a bandwagon they could hop on for attention.”

There were six of us in the room sitting in a quasi-circle. This friend and Kameron were the only men.

The other four of us made eye contact, looking for solidarity, I think.

I spoke first. “That’s such an unfair thing to say. And I’m honestly surprised that you can’t believe so many women have experienced sexual assault. I’d be willing to bet that all four of us have at least one story.” The others nodded. He looked around at us and seemed somewhat sobered. “Really?” he asked. Then his wife spoke briefly of an encounter she’d had recently at their shared workplace. Then I spoke again.

Three of the four of us there in that circle had been roommates a few years before. When we lived together a man had followed me in his car, masturbating, as I walked home from the grocery store. I told them how he’d parked on the street outside of our house. I’d cried slumped against the inside of the front door when I realized I was home alone. I’d kept my phone in hand, finger poised over the ‘call’ button until I heard him start his car and drive away. One of the others shared that she’d had a similar experience while we were living together, but she was riding her bike home from work. We’d never spoken to each other about these incidents before and now wondered if it had been the same man. As we compared descriptions of the man’s appearance, and of the car he drove, we realized it had not been the same man. As we shared these stories, my friend’s shock seemed to grow. His face was still and his eyes looked down.

I never realized until that moment just how easily a man can live in ignorance of a life experience that is not his. And just how easily he can turn that ignorance into an abrasive opinion he treats as evidence, all the while unacquainted with the fact that he is adding to the violence that brings us to silence.

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newspropaganda · 4 months ago

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I think the problem with Western Yu-Gi-Oh! fans is their strong preference for Duel Monsters over the rest, in my opinion. I believe 5D's is good, and OCG Stories is decent, but their hate for Yoshida seems to stem from a sort of "Donald Trump syndrome" that Zeravemeta you mentioned experienced. What’s your take on this?

American Yu-Gi-Oh! fans, whom I call "terrible at taste," aren't just shaped by their culture but by opinions that make no sense. Take Breaking Bad, for example. When it first came out, I barely saw anyone talking about it or even knew it existed, despite its supposed popularity. No one I knew actually watched it. For the record, I still won’t watch Breaking Bad, even if people want me to.

Everything in America seems to be mainstream, like fast food for consumers. It’s like going to a burger joint as soon as it opens, and people rush to get the first meal. Let me remind you—mainstream obsessions, like anything outside of Duel Monsters, are just gimmicks to sell products to these fools who only care about indulging themselves, as if they see themselves as mindless consumers.

I think the reason Americans listen to their government so blindly is because the country has always been paranoid about opening itself up to the rest of the world. Many American citizens barely think about or even know other countries exist—they just don’t think beyond their borders. I can’t stand how people act like rich celebrities are more important than the middle class or the lower class, like listening to Mark Ruffalo’s nonsense all over again.

For the record, people can watch whatever they want, but they can't respect others if their anger gets in the way.

I don’t pay attention to people like Azenzone or Des Shinta, who are on the opposite side of the spectrum when it comes to their opinions on Yu-Gi-Oh!

Azenzone is just a nostalgia clone, trying to make his viewers feel like they matter when they really don’t. Des Shinta, on the other hand, never gave us more context about Yu-Gi-Oh! Both of them are examples of why Tokusatsu critics can’t be trusted. From what I’ve seen and heard, Azenzone focuses too much on Duel Monsters nostalgia, especially with those "Top Openings of Yu-Gi-Oh!" videos on his second channel. Des Shinta, though... he’s just terrible at everything I’ve seen from him.

To get back on track, I want to focus on Des Shinta first. He’s lazy and overrated, with too much critical nonsense. Yes, he can make good points sometimes, but his content has become boring compared to what it was before. His Yu-Gi-Oh! videos mostly point out problems with 4Kids, localization, piracy, or the real-life duels and card game. Instead of giving us more insight, he just goes on about his biases against 4Kids without providing deeper details.

That dude should just stick to Toei if he likes it more than Yu-Gi-Oh! He mostly plays the card game and then spouts all that nonsense based on that alone.

That whole "Yoshida hate" you mentioned is spot on. Zeravmeta is just another example of how liberals in America need to stop blaming Trump for everything, as if they’re obsessed with him. And the worst part about Zeravmeta? He acted like a child just because I mentioned Yoshida.

There’s a reason why Yu-Gi-Oh! fans in America can’t get much worse than that. I think the way they act is mostly due to their own personal issues, whether it’s problems in real life or simply not being willing to listen.

And you want to know why American Yu-Gi-Oh! fans joke around all the time instead of taking things seriously? It’s because they’re constantly in a state of insecurity about their country. America is in a political war right now, and all they do is complain and whine. Worst of all, they throw around phrases like "respect my pronouns," which just seems designed to upset people everywhere.

I think Andrew Tate was right—it's better to live in Europe than in America.

#yugioh #ygo #yugioh dm #yugioh 5d's #yugioh zexal #yugioh gx #yugioh arc v #yugioh vrains #yugioh sevens #yugioh go rush

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ruminate88 · 8 months ago

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Extending Forgiveness🙏🏻

I want to forgive and be forgiven as well. I constantly post about wanting to forgive my exes, Cody and Andrew but they don’t even know the journey it’s taken me to get here!!

When Cody ghosted me, I took that as a sign he’s done with me and wants nothing to do with me and I walked on away from him but it left this gaping hole inside of me. This giant scar that left me crippled. Then I dated Andrew for over a year and tried not to compare him to Cody and gave Andrew the benefit of the doubt but Andrew proved me right. Showed me to trust my gut that Andrew also had intentions like Cody did. Accept, Andrew didn’t ghost me. Actually, andrew wouldn’t fully leave me alone. He would say he just wanted friendship after we broke up but yet he’s hitting on me and still being sexual with me. I tried to leave Andrew alone and he would FaceTime or call me but not say anything. Just listen to my voice… Andrew is most likely a psycho path ?? 😓 (yet back then I didn’t know if Andrew really loved me or not. I was so confused)

Years I couldn’t make sense of what happened to me and I’m married but I’m defensive and I’m losing hair/weight. I’m sick but yet nothing is wrong with me. My mom keeps saying “You’re sure sick all the time. I’ve never seen anyone sick so much…” and I would get defensive and say, “I’m not always sick….” But I was 😳😳😳 I randomly lost over 25 lbs and no one knew why!!!!!!!

When I did finally learn all about emotional abuse, I finally got answers to what’s wrong with me. I started this accout to jot down my story and try to understand it all. I’ve learned so much since I started this account and I am STILL learning so much. I watch so many TikTok’s on emotional abuse but I have to watch them here and there… I can’t watch too many at once because it hurts too much. It all pokes at the emotional wounds and makes me super uncomfortable 😝🥺😔❤️‍🩹

however, I believe forgiveness is crucial because it’s not fair to hold past mistakes over people’s heads or your own head, for that matter. I don’t wanna retaliate with hate towards my exes but I also can’t idealize them or romanticize them and I have too. I envisioned Andrew getting therapy with me and choosing me 💔💔💔 how sad is that?? I don’t even know him… he mirrored me during the love bombing. He’s probably nothing like me!!! I bet we have zero in common. (Just a guess)

If Andrew or Cody knew half of the journey I’ve been on since them and if only they could understand how they have impacted my life today 🥺❤️‍🩹🙏🏻 me wanting to forgive them is simply me wanting to say to them, “ok we have toxic history but from this day forward, we hold no ill will towards each other but we wish the best and we move forward with our best lives and we don’t look back.” 🥺🥺🥺 however, I do understand everything with them in the past was completely one-sided so what would change anything now?? They wouldn’t ever “wish me well” but despite that, I STILL have to be the bigger person and do the right thing. I’m tired of talking about them but they continue to haunt me daily and i don’t understand why. One day this will all fade I hope but not sure I’ll ever forget them ❤️‍🩹 Feels like I’ll always wonder how they are and if they’re bettering themselves! I shouldn’t care so much but I mean, I loved them deeper than I’ve ever loved before. They’ll never understand how deep I was in with them!! 😓

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noellawrites · 3 years ago

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Yandere!Hawk Getting You Pregnant HC’s + Oneshot

note: reader & Hawk are both 18+ and Eli is still maintaining his Hawk-sona

warnings: birth control tampering, breeding kink, manipulation

- Hawk had been possessive and territorial even back in high school, but nothing compared to how he acts now

- you’ve both been out of high school for a couple of years, you in college and Hawk now a fully-trained construction worker

- you had told Hawk a million times that you wanted to wait to have kids, at least until you finished college

- and your parents wanted you to be married before having kids, although you’d been together for about four years already

- you and Hawk have argued about having kids before, Hawk wanting them now

- but he had cooled down about it in the last few months, so you weren’t worried

- one morning, you’re undressing and realize how tender your nipples feel

- come to think of it you were late this month, though you’d chalked it up to stress

- your hands shook as you grabbed an unused pregnancy test from the bathroom and took it

- you were pregnant. but that was impossible! you were on birth control and Hawk always used a condom

After the test came back positive, you walked into your shared living room where Hawk was watching MMA fights with a beer open next to him.

“Hey, Eli, can we talk?” you asked, letting out a shaky breath.

“You know I told you to call me Hawk, babe. What is it, what’s wrong?” he took a swig of beer.

“I-I’m pregnant. But I don’t understand, I always take my pills and we always used a condom,” you sniffed, tears threatening to escape your eyes.

“Don’t you see, babe? This is perfect timing! You have summer break off and I’m starting on a big site tomorrow, so I’ll be raking in even more dough! I can’t believe you’re finally pregnant, I—“

“Finally? What is that supposed to mean?” you snapped, dropping the plastic test on the kitchen table with a clang.

“I’m just excited is all,” he said. You narrowed your eyes at Hawk as he grabbed another beer from the fridge.

“I’ll have to call Miguel and my mom. Hell, Sam will probably start planning for the baby shower as soon as you tell her,” he laughed, popping the bottle open.

“We are not telling anyone because I’m not keeping the baby. I still have two years left at CSUN and I’m not going to—“

“Why do you have to be such a selfish bitch all the time, (y/n)? I mean, who’s paying for this apartment while you take classes and work at some stupid coffee shop for minimum wage? All I’ve ever wanted in return is to build a family, yet you act like you’re above me somehow. Well this time, you don’t get a choice. You’re keeping this baby if it’s the last thing you do,” Hawk seethed. He stepped closer and closer to you, his nose almost touching yours now.

You had seen the dark side of Hawk, but never directed towards you. You couldn’t believe this man— this monster— was the father of your baby.

#cobra kai x reader #yandere hawk x reader #eli moskowitz x reader #yandere cobra kai #yandere cobra kai x reader #yandere hawk

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subsystems · 3 years ago

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Fully fused with parts?

Let’s talk about full integration / final fusion where the parts are never erased and where being a whole-yet-multifaceted person is the goal of the fusion.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone talk about this. Then again, I don’t think that there are many systems on Tumblr who are at this point in therapy with this particular goal.

Final fusion is usually thought of as the merging of all parts into one self. Before fusion, there are metaphorical walls of dissociation between you and other parts of your mind. Whichever part of the mind is active is perceived as “Me” while the other parts are perceived as “Not Me”. After fusion, those metaphorical walls disappear, allowing all parts of the mind to become “Me”.

In the past, the westernized approach to self often led to therapists pressuring fully fused systems to stop valuing (or even acknowledging) that they had parts. It makes sense to me why those older systems would often compare fusion to death. In the present day, the plurality of self is being valued more. Especially with therapeutic practices like internal family systems, it’s more normalized to acknowledge that everyone has multiple parts to themselves.

When I fused with all of my parts for the first time, we still felt each other. We were one person with full access to each other, but also somehow still parts. We were connected parts and a single person at the same exact time. I thought that maybe I did it wrong, or maybe I wasn’t fully fused yet, but my therapist (who is from a culture where having parts is more normalized) told me that this is just another way that final fusion can be experienced.

So, full integration / final fusion doesn’t mean that parts have to go away. Maybe that’s how some people want to still do it. If someone wants to recover like that, please let them. But this is a type of final fusion that I have never heard talked about before.

I often felt alone with this experience. I felt like no one would believe me if I brought this to Tumblr, because people can get so aggressive about fusion. Something that can be so beautiful is often shoved aside and attacked. I think it’s important to talk about this, though. Hearing about this can probably really help some people.

I want to share some statements from former DID patients who have fully fused, from this professional study. These statements helped me feel less alone with my experience.

Rebecca:

“Today I feel I am fully aware and present both as the collective of parts and as any individual part. That is, even when a part of me is present, there is a collective awareness of the experience.”

Irene:

“It gradually dawned on me that I could get some relief if I paid enough attention to the voices and their pain. I understood they needed to be heard. . . . My integration is about being in control, being aware, being able to understand myself. Whenever I’m anxious and I can’t understand why, I turn inside and I ask: What’s going on? I usually get an answer that either helps me deal better with an external problem or guides me as to how to calm myself down. . . . There is a clear advantage to my situation: I have better access to my subconscious than most people do. I call this ability Creative Disintegration.”

Loraine:

“I think the best way to describe my integration process is as a progressive one. First, there were brief moments of integration; later on I was integrated during some of the time but wasn’t on other occasions. This developed into a period in which I was integrated most of the time and then, into full integration with only momentary periods of disintegration. . . . It is a process of forward and backward movement on the dissociation continuum, but the general trend is towards a decrease in dissociation. . . . once you’re integrated, you don’t feel fragmented anymore, but in emergency situations there is a proclivity to utilize the mechanism for brief periods of time to help with coping.”

Some notes from the study:

“It is noteworthy that integration was not always described in terms of a renunciation of dissociative capabilities. Rebecca, Loraine, and even more so, Irene described occasional post-integrational awareness of the old psychological entities that once formed the personality alters. . . . Whereas Sara and Tina talked about their lives as ‘one,’ others were clearly continuing to utilize some of the advantages of the dissociative process. It is probable, though, that rather than representing ‘imperfect’ integrations this variance portrays the naturally occurring distribution of dissociative phenomena in the population. It is, perhaps, not only an unreasonable expectation but also an undesirable outcome to have a useful defense mechanism, naturally occurring in society, completely abolished in this particular population.”

I think maybe it’s important to recognize that the boundary between multiplicity and fusion isn’t as clear cut as social media likes to make it out to be.

#actuallydid #actuallydissociative #actuallyintegrated #actuallytraumagenic #dissociative identity disorder #plurality #multiplicity #fusion #final fusion #integration #parts language #sunflower posts

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surfmusics · 3 years ago

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since i pretty much never join group rps anymore, i’ve compiled a list of 17 long-winded, song inspired CONNECTION IDEAS ( both platonic and romantic ) that i’ve written throughout the years! feel free to use them for group rps, 1x1 ideas, inspiration, whatever you want! feel free to work with them in a way that fits your muse and the setting your muse is in! i just ask that if you post them anywhere, you link back to me for credit! please like / reblog if you like these or find these helpful!

*the songs the plots are based off of will be linked in the title of each connection!

REAL FRIENDS: a group of friends who party together, essentially. they don’t know each other all that well outside of partying, but when they go out they seem like the best of friends. they take care of each other and never leave anyone behind. the party truly does not start until they walk in. they always have crazy outings and have the best stories, but they just don’t feel the need to mingle too much outside of that.

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DISCONNECTED: the world moves so fast now that everyone is so dependent on technology, so it makes sense that MUSE B and MUSE A would want to slow down sometime. when they get together there are no phones allowed, but they have so much fun together they never feel the need to reach for them. even though the time they spend together they seem to want to remember forever, they prefer to live in the moment over posing for the ‘gram.

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GONNA GET BETTER: MUSE B has been through a lot and MUSE A has always been by their side. MUSE B fell on hard times and never wanted to bring it up to MUSE A, scared they’d be driven away by MUSE B’s circumstances. however, MUSE A is not the person who gives up on their friends easily. they reassure MUSE B that things will get better and that they refuse to be anywhere but their side when their life is on the up.

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BUD LIKE YOU: somehow these MUSE A and MUSE B ended up at a party together and spent the entire time trashing everything that was going on around them. the set-up, the drama, the people around them– they hated being at that party, but they spent all night there. ever since they know they can depend on someone during nights out / parties or they know they have someone to complain about utter nonsense too. a friendship over dislikes more than likes, if anything.

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TONIGHT YOU BELONG TO ME: MUSE B is MUSE A’s confidant and vice versa. for the most part, their interactions only happen after midnight. they run in completely different circles and their mutual friend count is low, but when the other sends an sos text at 12:45am the other is already getting dressed and willing to meet at their secret spot.

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HEART TO BREAK: MUSE B is inherently is no good for MUSE A, whether they’re flighty and unreliable or simply not compatible with them– it doesn’t matter. for once, MUSE A’s aware that they and MUSE B are not meant to be. for some reason, though, MUSE A doesn’t care. they know that anything that could hurt their feelings is their fault for not giving up, but there is just something about MUSE B that they can’t get enough of. MUSE A knows the risks and they’ve seen the signs but they’re willing to take and ignore all of them.

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I DON’T WANNA LOVE YOU ANYMORE: MUSE A likes to consider themselves as someone with high standards, but realistically they will develop a small crush on anyone who gives them the time of day. however, MUSE B provided a stability they weren’t sure they had ever felt before. MUSE A always believes they are in love with “the one” with every relationship/fling they have, but MUSE B is different. what has been lacking in all MUSE A’s previous relationships, MUSE B offered them. MUSE B is probably the very first person MUSE A has actually been in love with, but for reasons ( to be discussed later ) it just didn’t work out. this breakup hit MUSE A the hardest and they haven’t been able to forget about MUSE B. to this day MUSE A’s got lingering feelings and likely compares any possible flings to MUSE B.

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FIRST DATE: once upon a time, MUSE B and MUSE A went on a date. one or both of them were incredibly nervous but when they got to the actual date they clicked almost immediately. in fact, they may have clicked a bit too much. they both loved the connection the two of them had, so in an attempt to make the feeling last forever, they decided they are better off as really good friends. ever since, the two talk everyday and hangout whenever they can.

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BEST FRIEND: MUSE A and MUSE B/C/D are like two peas in a pod. they spend a lot of time together, they are always hyping each other up, and they have the best time whenever they go out. MUSE A definitely considers them their ride or dies.

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HILLSIDE BOYS: MUSE B and MUSE A simply had a summer fling. okay, maybe two summer flings. to MUSE A, there’s nothing that screams summer more than a temporary situationship. however, as the season comes to a close their little situation is a little less fun. as the year goes on and the weather gets colder (signifying cuffing season) MUSE A and MUSE B typically part ways. on the occasion of an autumn run-in, things are never awkward. things are just not as tempting outside the summer.

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MEET THE PARENTS: MUSE A and MUSE B had great chemistry and a lot of fun together. the only problem- MUSE A was never willing to introduce MUSE B to their family. MUSE B and MUSE A may have even been official, but MUSE A still wasn’t willing to introduce MUSE B to their family with their official role in their life. in the end, MUSE B felt they were looking for something more serious that MUSE A wasn’t ready to commit to yet.

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SMILING WHEN I DIE: MUSE A has lived, what many people may call, a pretty boring life. they never got to experience much growing up. now, they’re [ INSERT AGE ] and trying not to have a borderline mid-life crisis. MUSE B has a sense of adventure within them and is always inviting MUSE A along. they may not spend time together otherwise, but the two of them make lasting memories that will hopefully stick with them for awhile.

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THE LIFE: MUSE A spends a great deal of their time practicing self care. sometimes that includes yoga and meditation, sometimes it’s getting facials, or even getting brunch with their friends. MUSE B also loves to indulge in these self-care activities, which always leaves them feeling like a million bucks. every time they get together they know they’re going to end up feeling rejuvenated and refreshed.

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NEW YEARS DAY: life gets busy, especially for MUSE A and MUSE B. still, they always make time for each other for the major holidays. MUSE A has no family in [ INSERT TOWN ], and MUSE B may/may not. either way, MUSE A has found family within MUSE B. the thought of spending holidays with MUSE B makes the holiday seasons seem much less lonely.

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ME & MY GIRLS: there is no one MUSE A feels more comfortable around than MUSE B/C/D. their friendship consists of brunches, sleepovers, coffee dates, group facetimes, etc. MUSE A loves sitting around watching movies, listening to music, and, of course, gossiping. MUSE B/C/D give them the confidence to really be themselves and not the shy / awkward person other acquaintances might see them as.

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CIRCLES: at first meeting, MUSE A and MUSE B just clicked. before they knew it, they were running past all the relationship milestones. first kiss, first date, defining the relationship, etc. MUSE A thinks with their heart and not their brain, so they just can’t help but not notice the red flags in the relationship. while MUSE A and MUSE B may have clicked back then, it was clear that the pieces were no longer fitting together. just a few months had passed and it felt like they were arguing every. single. day. it had gotten to the point where it felt like they were together more out of comfort and convenience than proper emotion, and this was only four months in. they were very familiar with the other and their being, which is why it seemed difficult to give up.

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SCARED TO BE LONELY: MUSE A and MUSE B may not harbor any real feelings for each other, but when the sun goes down the two of them both feel the need to be in someone’s arms. commitment may be somewhat terrifying, but being alone by the end of the night seems worse.

#did anyone ask for this?#no but i worked v hard on these so pls use them if im not #rpc #rph #rpa #rpt #what do u tag things anymore ahhhhhh #connection masterlist #connections masterlist #*mine #wanted connection masterlist #wanted connections masterlist

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sasaranomiya · 2 years ago

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Koukyuu no Karasu Volume 2 Chapter 4 - The Sweetheart Incense (Part 1)

Happy Boxing Day guys. Here’s the first part of the final chapter. Some things play out differently compared to the anime, so look forward to it

Thanks to all the kind people who bought me a Ko-fi!

Here’s my Ko-fi if anyone is feeling generous

Translation Notes

1. Handicapping in Go is a thing where the weaker player puts down handicap stones in order to give them more equal chances of winning (idk how this works since i know nothing about Go lol)

Previous | Index | Next

“——A beast?”

“Yes, that’s what I heard.”

Jiujiu answered while combing Jusetsu’s hair. When she woke up in the morning, she heard birds chirping awfully loudly in the woods outside, so Jiujiu went out to see what was going on. The eunuchs of the rokuboushi—the agency directly supervised by the emperor that cracked down on crimes in the inner palace—were going this way and that with swords in their belts and tense expressions. Apparently, the body of a palace woman was found in the woods. It was surmised that she was attacked by a beast, based on her wounds.

“They say that her throat was torn out, so what if it was a wild dog, or a wolf…or a tiger?”

“I don’t know about the mountains, but I don’t believe there would be tigers in an area like this. I’ve never seen wild dogs in the inner palace, but are there some here?”

“I heard that wild dogs would sometimes come in here. Before, there was a eunuch who died after he got bitten by one. His wound got infected and he suffered terribly…”

Jiujiu’s face was pale as she trembled.

“Which palace was the deceased palace lady from?”

“It seems that they still don’t know yet. They’re in the process of asking around in each palace to see if there are any missing palace ladies.”

“…I wonder if that palace lady was trying to come here.”

Did she come to ask for a favor from the Raven Consort and was attacked by a beast?

Jiujiu was looking at Jusetsu’s face in the mirror.

“No, I think she must have been chased by the beast and ran all the way over there.”

She hurriedly said, as if trying to be considerate. Jusetsu stared into the mirror. Her clouded-over face was reflected in it. It was an unreliable and helpless face. She straightened her back and tried her best to make a hard expression. The mirror was octagonal with the back decorated with mother-of-pearl. Green turban shells, amber, tortoiseshell, and lapis lazuli were used to depict flowers and birds. Tracing the edge of the mirror with pale fingers, Jusetsu narrowed her eyes at her own face. Not her face, but her hair.

“Is my hair still fine?”

“It’s fine. It’s beautiful black hair.”

She was checking to see if the color had faded from her dyed hair. Jiujiu didn’t know Jusetsu’s circumstances, but she didn’t try to inquire too deeply. Since the decree to capture and kill members of the Ran clan had been abolished by Koushun, Jusetsu would no longer be killed if it was discovered that she was a member of the Ran clan. But that didn’t make her want to return to her original silver hair. It was obvious that it would be troublesome if she did.

However, the fear of death that had been whittling away at her body was now gone. This was brought about by Koushun’s efforts to save Jusetsu, even if only a little. She no longer woke up every morning with the leaden despair of having to survive through another day. Her heart was just a little lighter and warmer.

“I’m going to go out wearing a eunuch’s uniform today.”

“Yes, Niangniang,” Jiujiu said and began to tie her hair up instead of the two rings. “Are you really going to go out?” she asked worriedly. “Even though there might be wild dogs out there?”

“Those are most likely active at night. The palace lady was also attacked at night. Besides, we can’t go out at all if you keep talking like that.”

“Aren’t there a lot of days when you don’t go out? Why do you have to go out only at a time like this?”

“I don’t know when that Winter Minister will retire.”

She was about to visit Setsu Gyoei. She had already learned the hard way that going out in a palanquin was too ostentatious. But it would also be too conspicuous to go out in her consort’s garb. It would have been best to disguise herself as a civil servant, but with Jusetsu’s appearance, even if she dressed in men’s clothing she would only look like a boy before his coming-of-age ceremony. That was why she decided to dress up as a eunuch.

“And, you’re only going to take Onkei with you, aren’t you?”

Jiujiu was miffed.

“Weren’t you the one worried about wild dogs?”

“If it’s dangerous for me, then it’s dangerous for you too, Niangniang. …I can’t ask you to take me with you because I don’t want to be a burden on you if something happens, though.”

She said sulkily, pouting. As she was talking, her hands were quickly tying her hair up into a topknot. Behind them, Xingxing was meekly closing its wings. That was rare. It always rampaged around whenever Jusetsu was about to leave the palace. It didn’t even try to go out of the curtains, but simply listening to what was going on around it, as though afraid of outside enemies.

When she stepped outside in the pale-gray eunuch robes, she could still hear birds chirping and flapping their wings impatiently restlessly from the woods.

“…Do they still not know which palace that palace lady was from?” she asked Onkei, who was accompanying her.

“No, they know now. She was from Jakusou Palace,” he replied.

Jakusou Palace, huh, Jusetsu murmured. That palace had been weighing on her mind for a while now.

“Was she trying to come to Yamei Palace?”

“It’s still unknown.”

Since she was a palace lady, Jusetsu recalled the woman who had visited before. The palace lady who begged her to bring the dead back to life. The scent of sweetheart incense clung to her. Her face was covered with a veil of thin silk, so she couldn’t tell, but what was the color of her ruqun? In the first place, that palace lady——.

“…”

Jusetsu, who was pondering this while walking, turned to Onkei.

“Does that palace lady not normally use sweetheart incense?”

Onkei looked puzzled. “I’m not sure about that. The smell of blood was too strong last night, so I wouldn’t——” he then quickly closed his mouth. But it was too late.

“Onkei, were you the one who found the body?”

It wasn’t surprising if you thought about it. He was Yamei Palace’s guard, after all.

“…Yes,” The look on his face that said, oh no, affirmed it. “I found her while making my rounds.”

“You should have come to me with that news.”

“It is not something you should hear about, Niangniang. It was a horrible-looking corpse, after all.”

“Is it true that her throat was ripped out?”

Onkei frowned. “Who heard of such a thing?”

“Jiujiu found out about it.”

When she said that, Onkei looked troubled. “That girl is a bit too curious. She isn’t a bad girl, though.”

“Then it’s fine as long as she isn’t a bad girl.” Onkei laughed a little. He was surprisingly expressive once he got used to someone.

“I heard that it was the work of a beast, but what of it?”

“From the wound, it is unmistakable that her throat was torn out with teeth. However…” Onkei hesitated. “It didn’t look like the fangs of a beast like a wild dog or wolf.”

“You mean a beast without fangs? Would such a beast attack people?”

“Even monkeys have fangs. Or——”

Onkei stopped speaking as if he was afraid to voice his thoughts. Jusetsu stroked her lips. Humans also have canines.

It can’t be possible, she thought.

“There was one more suspicious thing. There was a lot of blood around the body, but not much from the wound on her neck.”

Jusetsu put her finger on her chin and thought for a moment.

“…So, you mean that she died somewhere else and was brought over there?”

“Perhaps so. If that’s the case, a closer look will reveal traces. It was too dark last night to tell.”

Were the eunuchs walking around in the woods because they were investigating that?

“In any case, please refrain from going out alone, Niangniang.”

“Jiujiu wouldn’t allow that anyways.”

Onkei’s expression relaxed. “Indeed, Niangniang.”

Please listen to that girl, he said.

Somehow, she felt that Onkei had become as fussy as Jiujiu.

When they arrived at Seiu Temple, there was already a visitor there. It was Koushun. There was a table set up in the outer corridor, and he was playing Go with Gyoei. Judging from the fact that the board was made of rosewood with inlays on the sides, and that the Go pieces were colored red and navy blue with flowers and birds, this board was brought by Koushun. It was still before noon, but it was rare for him to be in a place like this.

“Unusually, court council ended early today, so I came here.” Koushun read the look on Jusetsu’s face and answered before she could ask. Jusetsu peered at the board.

“Is Gyoei holding back?”

Gyoei, who was playing with the navy blue stones, was in an inferior position.

“No, no, by no means. His Majesty is very strong.”

Gyoei seemed to be speaking his true thoughts. He groaned as he stroked his beard.

“I’ve been taught by Eitoku since I was a child.”

“Ah, Prime Minister Un has defeated a Go master once.”

Jusetsu sat down on a chair brought over by an acolyte and loosened the collar of her robe. The outer corridor was shaded and cool, but she was sweaty from walking so far.

“I’ll have to give up the game for lost. How about you play a game, Lady Raven Consort?”

Jusetsu glanced at the board and frowned. “I am no match for him.”

“Ho. Are you not skilled at Go?”

“I was taught by Reijou, but I never won. Going easy on someone was a foreign concept to her.”

“I had played against her frequently, but she always gave it her all, didn’t she?”

Gyoei narrowed his eyes in nostalgia. He seemed to be seeing Reijou on the other side of Jusetsu’s face.

“Which one of you was stronger?”

“Well now. I believe I won 123 games, lost 105, and tied 15 games.”

He remembers it well, Jusetsu thought as she stared at Gyoei’s face. He stroked his beard and averted his gaze. He turned back to the board, picked up a blue stone, and placed it back in the Go bowl. One by one, carefully. His profile stated that he refused to talk about Reijou any further. Jusetsu could tell that for him, Reijou was someone that brought both nostalgia and pain.

“…You say you want to retire, but what are you going to do after you leave? Are you going to return to your hometown?”

Gyoei was single and didn’t have a residence outside the imperial palace. She wondered if he had a place to go after he left here.

“My younger brother runs a business in town. He is an oil merchant. I’m going to be staying with him. Well, I’m sure even a senile old man like me would be of some use to him.”

He said easily and held out the bowl of Go stones to Jusetsu.

“Lady Raven Consort, how about you put down some stones and then play? Yes, just five stones. Then, wouldn’t you be able to match against His Majesty?” (1)

He was talking about placing stones on the board in advance and having Koushun go easy on her.

“I refuse,” she said sullenly, and Gyoei laughed.

“I suppose you inherited that competitive spirit from Lady Reijou.”

He put his hands on the table and slowly stood up. “I’m a little tired as well, since I haven’t played against His Majesty in a while. Please allow me to take a break for today.”

Pushing the bowl into Jusetsu’s hands, Gyoei returned to his room from the outer corridor. He then walked out of it, accompanied by an acolyte. Jusetsu glared at the bowl and reluctantly sat down across from Koushun.

“I don’t mind if you put down five or nine stones,” Koushun said, his tone relaxed, and Jusetsu furrowed her brow.

“I have no need for you to hold back on me.”

“Is that so. Then let us have an even game.”

That meant that no stones would be placed as a handicap. Jusetsu furrowed her brow even more.

“…Just three…I’ll only place three stones…”

Koushun laughed at Jusetsu’s frustration. “That’s fine. Do as you like.”

――The result was, of course, that she couldn’t win with only three handicap stones, and it still wasn’t any good when she put down five stones for the next game. Koushun’s nonchalant air was hateful to her.

“You give up too quickly,” Koushun criticized every move played by Jusetsu. “You immediately give up as soon as you’re at a disadvantage. You have to persist more.”

“What’s the use of having persistence for something like this?”

“You’re bitter when you lose.”

“Be quiet.”

They returned their stones to their bowls for another game. Jusetsu quickly put them in, but Koushun put his in slowly, one by one. Just as he put away his stoned and took one in his hand, Ei Sei rounded the corner of the outer corridor with two or three eunuchs behind him.

“Dajia, it’s time for you to return.”

“Ah, is it already time?”

Koushun put the stone back into the bowl and put the lid back on it, then stood up. He was quitting while he was ahead. He looked down at Jusetsu. “If you want to play some more, I’ll play with you again,” he said.

“I will never play you again.”

“Then, play with Ei Sei,” Koushun looked at Ei Sei. His face said, “I have no choice if that’s an order, but I refuse,” so Jusetsu also said “No.” When she refused, Ei Sei looked dissatisfied. What was she supposed to do here?

The eunuchs put the Go board into a wooden casket. It was a beautiful container inlaid with colored ivory. Giving it a sidelong glance, Jusetsu asked Koushun a question.

“…Do you know about the palace lady who died near Yamei Palace?”

“Yes, I’ve heard,” Koushun nodded. “The eunuchs are hunting for the beast in the inner palace right now. You shouldn’t wander around outside too long either.”

“I heard that the palace lady was from Jakusou Palace.”

“She was,” he said, then turned to Jusetsu. “Was she someone you knew?”

“No…”

Even if the dead palace lady was the woman from that night, there was nothing Jusetsu could do. However…

“If you learn her name, let me know. I’ll burn a silk feather for her. She’ll be able to cross the sea without getting lost.”

Silk feathers were bird feathers made of paper. They were used for mourning. Koushun looked at Ei Sei. “Her name was Jo Sei,” Ei Sei replied. She asked him the characters for her name and kept them in mind.

“Did Jo Sei use sweetheart incense?”

She asked him, and received a curt answer. “I don’t know.”

“Sweetheart incense? Isn’t that the incense burned for a loved one? It smells like lilies.”

Jusetsu was surprised that Koushun knew that.

“You know about such things well.”

“I’ve heard about it before. The Magpie Consort scents her clothing with that incense.”

“——What?”

The Magpie Consort scents her clothing with that incense?

No, perhaps it wasn’t so strange for a consort to scent her clothing with sweetheart incense for the emperor. However, Jusetsu felt strangely uneasy. It was as if the sense of uneasiness was creeping up on her with a shadow on its back.

“…I heard that the Magpie Consort is unwell. Is that still the case? I remember that you went to visit her before.”

“She isn’t getting better. I’ve often sent envoys to see her when I couldn’t visit her myself, but apparently, she is confined to bed.”

He looks after his consorts more conscientiously than I expected, she thought briefly, but she was more concerned about the Magpie Consort’s condition.

“Is it a long illness?”

“It isn’t an illness. No, perhaps it can be considered an illness. She’s too depressed to eat or sleep properly.”

“Is that not—very serious?”

Sleeping and eating were foundations of life.

“It is a serious issue. The consort’s family member died recently. She has been like this since.”

“Died?”

“Yes. Her older brother. I heard that he was healthy, but he fell off his horse and was injured in a bad spot.”

“…”

The dead and the sweetheart incense. Jusetsu recalled the woman from that night who requested the resurrection of the dead.

“If she does not recover soon, I will send her back to her parents’ house to recuperate. The Kin clan—ah, the Magpie Consort’s name is Kin Keiyou, and her father’s name is Koukei. He’s the assistant minister of the Palace Secretariat. As a member of the cold faction, I had wanted to welcome his daughter as a consort.”

“Cold faction?”

“To put it frankly, they are a clan with no connection to the Un clan.”

He really did say that in a surprisingly frank manner. In other words, he wanted to use the Kin clan as a check on the Un clan.

“It would be better to return her to her parents than let her die unnecessarily in the inner palace.”

She said, and Koushun started to walk down the corridor. Jusetsu walked next to him. Behind them, the eunuchs followed, reverently carrying the wooden casket. When they reached the temple, Gyoei was waiting for them along with the acolytes to see them off.

“Take care on your way back.”

He spoke a set phrase and bowed.

“Take care of yourself as well. Don’t push yourself too hard.”

Koushun admonished, and Gyoei let out a light laugh. “Thank you, Your Majesty. I’ll be careful.”

Koushun was about to head towards the palanquin when he turned to Jusetsu like he just remembered something.

“You…” He took a look at Jusetsu’s sash. “You aren’t wearing that thing?”

He seemed to be trying to be ambiguous by using “that thing,” but Jusetsu and Koushun both understood what he was referring to. The glass fish figurine. Jusetsu looked at his waist. His transparent glass fish figurine was hanging from his sash. Jusetsu’s was still tucked away in her cabinet.

“Did you not like it?”

“That’s not the case.”

Koushun fell silent. He was expressionless, but somehow, he looked sad. Jusetsu couldn’t stand it any longer and quietly continued.

“…It would be troublesome if I lost it…”

Koushun was silent for a moment and looked at Jusetsu.

“I see. Then I’ll make something you don’t have to worry about losing.”

“What——”

“A wood carving can be recreated right away even if it’s lost. In that case, I suppose a flower would be better than a fish.”

He seemed to have remembered that Jusetsu had wanted a rose as a wood carving before.

“I don’t need it.”

Jusetsu turned him down, but Koushun was unmoved, saying, “There’s no need to be reserved.” Before Jusetsu could say anything more, he got into his palanquin and left the gate. As they exited, Ei Sei looked at her for a moment, then quickly looked away.

“Lady Raven Consort.” As Jusetsu watched the procession leave, Gyoei called out to her. When she turned around, she saw that the acolytes were gone, and only Gyoei was by her side. Onkei was standing off to the side.

“Pity and love are two different things. Do you understand that?”

Jusetsu’s brow furrowed at those sudden words. “What are you talking about?”

“I hope you will remain ignorant of the words I’m speaking. Though I suppose it would be of no use to tell you not to get any closer to His Majesty.”

“Tell that to Koushun. He is always visiting me as he pleases.”

“Because His Majesty is a compassionate man. Do not forget—‘The Raven Consort must not desire anything.’”

She was frequently told this by Reijou herself, not to mention Gyoei.

“I know.”

“Desire breeds suffering. When you are consumed by it—that is when a monster will be born from within you.”

Her breath caught. A monster.

A monster in Niangniang’s eyes��

She recalled Ishiha’s words.

Taking no notice of the frozen Jusetsu, Gyoei bowed and turned on his heel.

“Whenever you feel lost, please remember my words.”

After a few final words that sounded like a farewell, Gyoei returned to the temple. When Jusetsu came back to herself and tried to follow him, he was already gone. She was left alone, feeling like she had been thrown into the air. ——No, she wasn’t alone. Onkei had walked up to her without making a single sound.

“Shall a palanquin be prepared for you, Niangniang? You look pale.”

No, Jusetsu shook her head. “I’m fine. I can walk back.”

It was easier to not think about things when you were moving your legs. Jusetsu headed for the gate. She glanced at Onkei.

“I’m glad that you are here.”

When she let slip her true feelings, Onkei only gave a small smile.

After returning to Yamei Palace, Jusetsu asked Onkei for a favor.

“I want you to look around inside Jakusou Palace. Especially the Magpie Consort’s condition.”

Onkei immediately left the palace. He was a shrewd and careful man, so he would probably return with information after a while.

Jusetsu entered the palace and called out for Jiujiu.

“Before, the palace lady dropped a piece of thin silk when she left. Bring it out.”

Jiujiu brought the silk from another room. Jusetsu brought her face to it. It still had the scent of sweetheart incense on it. She unfolded it and felt its texture. The material was remarkably light, and it laid smoothly against her skin. It was carefully woven with the finest raw silk threads.

“I’ve had the same thought when I touched it for the first time, but this is too high quality to belong to a palace lady.”

“Now that you mention it, it is.”

But there are also wealthy palace ladies, Jiujiu added.

Jusetsu thought back to the woman on that night. She was dressed in a palace lady’s uniform and covered her head with this silk. And from the moment she entered to when she left, she never once bowed to the Raven Consort.

Not even once.

Was it because she was too distraught? However, would a palace lady, who had etiquette training drummed into her, not even bow to a consort when she came to ask her for the desperate favor of resurrection, all because of her emotions at that time?

“What’s wrong, Niangniang?”

Jiujiu asked, seeing her grip the silk with a difficult look on her face.

“…It’s nothing.”

Jusetsu told Jiujiu to put away the silk, and then went to her cabinet to take out the inkstone and an inkstick. She also prepared some pieces of colored hemp paper in the shape of a bird feather. This was a silk feather. In the past, they were made of cotton cloth, and in even older times, they were made of bark fiber. That was how long they had been used in mourning. After grinding ink and picking up a brush, she wrote “Jo Sei” on a piece of paper. It was the name of the dead palace lady.

Jusetsu took a flower-shaped silver plate with legs with her and went outside. She went down the steps and placed the plate on the stones. Her hand went up to her hair and she realized that she wasn’t wearing her peonies because she was dressed as a eunuch. She turned her palm up and held it out in front of her, and a pale pink color shimmered. Petals formed one by one, and in an instant, it became a peony. Jusetsu clamped the flower between her hands and blew on it. When she let go, small pink fragments fell onto the plate and turned into a pale flame.

The colored paper with the name written on it was burned in the fire. A feather-shaped piece of paper with no writing on it was also thrown into the fire in the same way. The paper burned quietly. Jusetsu held her hand out over it. The pale red flame rose up and coiled around her fingers. The flame wasn’t hot. It was faintly warm. She gathered the flame in her hand, squeezed it tightly, and opened her hand. A small bird flew out of her hand. A small bird that was translucent, light red, and sometimes flickered like flames.

The bird flapped its wings high and fast, crossed the woods, and eventually disappeared from sight. It would lead the soul of the dead palace lady to the other side of the sea. As long as she hadn’t become a ghost.

When she returned to the palace with the silver plate in hand, she found Jiujiu cleaning the table.

“Did you burn the silk feathers?” Jiujiu said, the colored paper in her hands. “For mourning the dead palace lady?”

People, not just the Raven Consort, burned silk feathers for mourning. The practice of turning the flame into a bird that would lead the soul was something only the Raven Consort could do, though.

“Shall I change your clothes, then, Niangniang?”

Jiujiu opened the curtains. Jusetsu pinched the robe between her fingers.

“It’s much more comfortable, though, this outfit.”

A eunuch’s uniform was very easy to walk around in. However, Jiujiu scolded her. “You mustn’t.”

“You look lovely in those clothes, dressed like a man, but I think you look best in ruqun.”

“Is that so? …I see.” Jiujiu said that with such force that Jusetsu had to obey. It was better not to go against Jiujiu in situations like these.

As she changed behind the curtains, Ishiha, holding Xingxing in his arms, came in. It seemed that he had been giving it a dust bath.

“You haven’t gone to the woods, have you?”

The beast that killed the palace lady hadn’t been found yet. “No, Niangniang,” Ishiha replied.

“I was behind the palace. Xingxing doesn’t want to go to the woods either.”

“Hmm…?”

Jusetsu gazed at Xingxing, who was faintly visible through the curtains. This mystical bird had been docile lately.

When she finished changing and stepped out from the curtains, Ishiha was kneeling and looking down.

“Is there something the matter?” she asked him. “No, Niangniang,” he responded, his face was slightly red.

“You were in the middle of changing, so he couldn’t raise his face,” Jiujiu said.

“Oh, so that’s it?” Jusetsu said, and got an exasperated face in return.

“Niangniang, you need to learn to have a little more shyness.”

Shyness, Jusetsu murmured. She had enough discretion to change behind the curtains, though.

As the people around her increased, there were more new things to learn. Rather than it being troublesome, it was interesting to learn new things.

“There’s no need to feel shy in front of us servants, but it would be a problem for His Majesty. Niangniang, you used to change clothes without hesitation even when His Majesty is present.”

“I did? I don’t remember.”

Really, Niangniang, Jiujiu grumbled. That was when Onkei entered from the kitchen. Kougyou was behind him as well.

“That was quick, Onkei.”

Onkei bowed to Jusetsu. The movements were brisk and beautiful, as one would expect from a subordinate of Ei Sei.

“As ordered, I have been investigating the people around the Magpie Consort. I am still in the process of doing so, but I want to give you a brief report.”

Mm, Jusetsu prompted him to continue.

“For the past few months, the Magpie Consort has been laid up in bed. It is said that she is depressed because her older brother died suddenly. Now, she only has a few attendants to take care of her, and no palace ladies or eunuchs are allowed to approach her. However…”

Onkei closed his mouth like he had changed his mind.

“What is it?”

“Apparently, she has taken a liking to one eunuch and only keeps him close by her side. They say she has breakdowns when he leaves her.”

“That’s…”

Even for a favorite eunuch, it was somewhat bizarre.

“He is a chi’er who has recently entered the inner palace. He is around twenty years old. I couldn’t exchange words with him, but I’ve been able to confirm his face.”

Onkei turned to Kougyou behind him. Kougyou held out the paper she was holding.

“I described his features and asked her to draw his likeness,” Onkei said and showed Jusetsu the paper. “His name is Hou Shougetsu.”

When she saw the portrait, Jusetsu felt like she had been punched in the chest.

This face.

Long black hair and a beautiful face that no one could ever forget once they saw it.

Owl.

It was the face of the young man she had seen that night when Wulian Niangniang roamed around outside. The one who made her feel a trembling fear from the bottom of her heart.

Jusetsu recalled feeling the same fear at the Jakusou Palace pond. Was that because this man was in the palace?

“Do you know this face?”

Jusetsu couldn’t respond when asked by Onkei. She barely managed a slight nod. Onkei’s eyes sharpened.

“…After the arrival of this person, the Magpie Consort began to keep the people around her at a distance more and more. And sometimes there are strange noises coming from inside her room.”

“Strange noises?”

“Like something is being slurped…and moaning sounds as well.”

Before she knew it, Jusetsu was clasping her hands together. She didn’t know what this all meant, but she had a very bad feeling about it.

“I think there is something going on with Shougetsu and the Magpie Consort. I’m going to look into them a little bit now.”

After saying only that, Onkei bowed and made to leave.

“Wait.”

She called out without thinking. She was confused at that. She didn’t know what she was about to say. She was just thinking that she had to stop him.

Onkei was waiting for Jusetsu’s words.

“No…’tis nothing. Just, don’t pursue it too far.”

“Understood.”

Just as he had done when he came to the palace, Onkei left without making a sound. Jusetsu looked again at the portrait left behind and swallowed. What was this inexpressible uneasiness?

――The sun set, but Onkei didn’t return.

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