#can you tell im a slightly frustrated asexual

[queercatboy]

mmm call me old fashion or a prude but maybe dont tag your rated T fics with Bottom(character) or Top(character)

like unless you fucked up your rating and need to go change it, top/bottom dynamics should not be involved in essentially pg13 fanfics.

like sorry not sorry but i dont need to know your headcanons of whos a top or a bottom(also i have a lot of feelings as a queer guy about THAT but this isnt about that)

i dont go to T rated fics to see if so and so is a bottom. that shit shouldnt even be relevant

no one should be having explicit sex in a Teen fic

and because i know people are going misconstrunt that. i mean porn. when i say explicit, i mean porn.

obviously you can write non explicit sex in a T fic. pg13 movies do it all the time. the point is when it goes to discussing their sex life in detail or giving them "positions" or "roles" to play that becomes iffy

i am not going to mention labeling characters who are minors as tops or bottom

except yes i am because oh my god i do not want to know. obviously teens have sex. im not your parent. have all the sex you want. i dont care i just really dont want want to see it in works with gen or t ratings.

if you want to write about two 16 year olds boinking fine. its weird as 25 year but im not the moral police just please for the love of all that is gay tag and rate your shit correctly

when i filter out explicit fics it means i am not in the mood to read smut. i have my own confort characters i go too for that but im also just extremely asexual so sometimes i dont even want to see it

you can have your side of ao3 while i have mine and we wont have any problems

finally when tagging a fic if something is not relevant to the plot or has anything to do with what you written then dont tag it

it clogs the tags and makes searches confusing for people who are looking for that tag

[ladydevoir]

In honor of ace week, think we can get some graduated fallen petals or ladybug with one coming out to the other? As a writing request

Ruby paced back and forth within the dorms, a panicked look on her face as she tried to sort through the thoughts in her head. Her mind was a mess of what if scenarios that never turned out well for her, and soon she found herself pulling at her hair in frustration. “Ruby come on, you’re overthinking things again, you need to calm down for a moment.” Ruby stopped and looked over at her older sister, laying down on her bed, a carefree look on her face that made her envious she couldnt be as carefree as her sister was right now. “How am I supposed to be calm about this Yang? I cant think of any way I tell Blake that doesnt end in disaster!” Yang shook her head and sat up, resting her hands behind her head. “How about the scenario where you just tell her and she understands and you two hug it out? You know, the one thats most likely to happen?” Ruby let out a sigh and slumped onto the bed. “Its not that simple Yang, like, I know Blake isnt going to turn away in disgust or anything, but even if she’s ok now, what happens later on? I can’t keep this a secret, but Im so afraid if I tell her, then one day she’ll decide she cant be with someone like me?” Watching her sister looking dejected, Yang walked over to the other bed and sat beside Ruby, resting a hand on her shoulder. “Look Rubes, Im not going to act like I really understand it myself, but you know I always support you no matter what right?” Ruby nodded slightly. “So, can you explain to me why you think Blake would be any different? She loves you Rubes, and you love her. Why would telling her your asexual change anything between you?” Ruby looked up at her sister, before looking back down. Yang wasnt wrong, Her and Blake were in love. It had been nearly half a year since Ruby had confessed her crush to her faunus teammate, and while there was definitely apprehension from Blake at first, the two had found themselves happy together. Cuddles, kisses, reading together in peace, it had been a wonderful six months. But the longer it went on, the more nervous Ruby was becoming about Blake finding out about her. “Yang...I know Blake loves me, I dont doubt that for a second but…” “But?” Ruby sighed and gestured towards the bookshelf by Blake’s bed. “You’ve seen all those books Blake reads, right? All those adult romances, all the….smuttiness?” Yang nodded. “Well, dont you think that’s what Blake is expecting one day? I know its not going to be anytime soon, or even while we’re at Beacon, but what about after that? What if she’s expecting something that…that I really dont feel like I could give her? What if she decides she cant be with someone….someone like me…” Her eyes began to well up, and soon she found a pair of strong arms wrap around her in a warm hug as Yang held her, letting her sister’s tears fall. “Ruby, it’s going to be ok. I know for certain Blake would never ask of anything that made you unconformable, and Im also certain that Blake isnt going to leave you just because of this. Blake cares so much about you, anyone can see that.” She pulled away slightly to gently wipe the tears away from Ruby’s eyes, giving her a warm smile. “Trust me, Blake will still love you, no matter what.” -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Personally Blake, I do not see why you’re worried. This is Ruby we are talking about.” In a quiet corner of the library, at a small table, Blake was looking more anxious than ever, as Weiss tried to console her friend. “It’s because its Ruby that im so worried. Ruby is so kind and sweet, and I dont think ive ever been this happy. I dont want to ruin it.” Weiss watched as Blake pawed at the books in front of her, her nervousness was clearly getting the better of her, she reached over and gently rested a hand on her arm, shaking her gently out of her thoughts. “Blake, why would this ruin anything? I can’t imagine this would really change anything between the two of you. She adores you so much, do you really think telling her that you’re asexual is really going to change

anything?” Blake let out a small sigh, her eyes focused on the book in front of her. She knew Weiss meant what she said, but as she closed her eyes to imagine telling Ruby, all she could see and hear was him. “Even if it doesnt change anything now, there’s no guarantee that it wont change later on. Ruby is amazing, her light is inspiring and she’s extremely talented.” She let out a defeated sigh. “Why would she choose to be with a broken girl like me?” A sudden heavy slam on the table shocked her out of her thoughts as she looked, started, towards Weiss. “You are NOT broken, Blake Belladonna. And do not let me hear you talk about yourself like that again. There is nothing wrong with you, what you are is perfectly normal, and anyone who dares say otherwise does not even deserve the time of day.” Blake remained dead still as she watched the expression on Weiss’s face start to soften. She turned her head back down to the table and responded with a soft “Yeah…” A gentle hand squeezed her shoulder, as Weiss did her best to comfort her. “I know you dont like to talk about it Blake, and no one will ever try to force you. But Ruby is not him. I think Ruby deserves a chance here, she isnt going to think worse of you. Ruby loves you for you, and I guarantee this isnt going to change a thing.” Blake took a deep breath to calm herself. Weiss was right, she knew Weiss was right. She had to give Ruby a chance, regardless of what his voice in her head said. Reaching up, she gave Weiss’s hand on her shoulder a squeeze. “Thank you Weiss. I really appreciate it.” --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ruby sighed peacefully as she rested her head on Blake’s lap. The two were alone in the dorms as Yang and Weiss were practising partner specific attacks, in the hopes that if they won their team battle, the two would advance to the next round. Since they would be training together for a while, it left the two time to relax. Looking up, she watched as Blake read her book, seeing a small blush on her face, Ruby piped up. “Anything good?” Blake peaked down from her book, looking at the curious expression on Ruby’s face. By the brother’s she looked adorable, Blake thought. “It’s enjoyable so far. It’s another cheesy adult romance book, about a girl who’s in a bad relationship but doesnt realise it yet, before meeting this barista at the local coffee shop, and the two hit it off.” Ruby watched as Blake’s face lit up, she always loved hearing Blake talking about books she was reading, and Blake seemed to really enjoy talking about them. But at the back of Ruby’s mind, one word had stood out to her. Adult. Which usually meant… “So, by adult, you mean smut?” The small blush on Blake’s face grew slightly, “I-I mean, there is some uh….very adult scenes in here, b-but mostly it’s about their growth and how one helps the other learn to love themselves.” As Blake stammered out her response, Ruby couldn’t help but think back to her talk with Yang. All the feelings she was holding were starting to show, and her body language showed her discomfort, even as she tried to hide it. Unfortunately for her, her partner was unnaturally perceptive. “Ruby? Is everything alright?” “Y-yeah, of course it is, why wouldnt it be?” Blake sighed and put the book to the side, looking down at Ruby with a concerned look. “Ruby, you know you aren’t good at lying, especially not to me. What’s bothering you?” Letting out a sigh, Ruby sat herself up, facing Blake as she tried to figure out how to word what she wanted to say. “I-im just...w-well I noticed that you um….seem to really enjoy those kinds of books, you know?” Blake tilted her head slightly, not quite sure what Ruby was trying to say, so she remained silent, letting her clearly nervous partner gather her thoughts. Taking a deep breath, she continued. “I mean, I guess I just, I mean, I’d like to know, uh, what it is you enjoy about them so much?” Blake watched her partner intently, trying to decipher what she was really trying to

ask. “Well, I enjoy romance books, that much is obvious. As for why these kinds of adult ones, well, I guess because they portray healthy relationships really well. Often times these books aren’t afraid to get into the more gritty and real aspects of a relationship. How its not always perfect, how it’s a lot of hard work, and sometimes the people you love aren’t what they seem at all. People sometimes get so caught up in their feelings that they become blind to the truth staring them in the face, or they’ll constantly try to find excuses instead of facing said truths. But in the end, while the story might not always be happy, it always ends happy. I guess I really admire tha- R-Ruby?!” Blake’s eyes widened as she looked over at her partner. Ruby was shaking, her hands gripping the edge of the bed tight and her eyes looked spaced out. The second Blake had said the books portrayed healthy relationships Ruby’s heart had sank, she had barely heard the rest of what Blake said. Her mind was racing, it was exactly what she was afraid of. “I...i dont...dont think t-this is going to work out…” Blake felt herself feeling cold, what was Ruby talking about? She wasnt saying what she thinks she’s saying, is she? “R-Ruby, what do you mean?” Ruby could feel it, her eyes beginning to well up. “I...I cant….I cant be like that…” Blake reached forward, putting her hand on Ruby’s shoulder. “What do you mean?? L-like what Ruby?” “I...I cant be like t-those p-people in t-those b-books…..I c-cant g-give you t-the same thing…” Blake looked at her partner, a worried expression across her face as she saw the tears forming in her eyes. None of this was making sense. “R-Ruby please, W-what are you talking about? What do you mean you cant be like them? I dont understa-” “Im Asexual!” Blake’s hand retreated from Ruby’s shoulder from the shock of her sudden outburst. The tears were falling freely from Ruby’s face as she sobbed. “I c-cant give you t-the same t-things th-those characters c-can in the b-books. J-just t-thinking about t-that m-makes me feel u-uncomfortable. I-im s-sorry, i-im so sorry.” Ruby stood, shakily, her eyes still filled with tears. “I-im sorry I d-didnt t-tell you s-sooner, s-so you wouldn;t h-have to fall f-for a b-b-broken girl like me…” She began to move towards the door, she had no idea what she would do but she felt that she needed to leave, but before she could reach it, a hand firmly grabbed hers and pulled her back, a loving and strong embrace around her ad Blake held her close. “P-please dont leave, Ruby. There’s nothing b-broken about you.” Ruby continued to sob in her partner’s embrace, not understanding why she wasn’t letting her leave. “H-how can you s-say that, a-after hearing w-what I said??” Ruby felt a soft hand stroking her hair, trying to soothe her. “B-because, i-if what you said make’s you broken, t-then that would mean I was b-broken too.” Ruby’s eyes widened as she slowly looked up. Blake’s eyes were watering, but she could see, even through her own tear soaked eyes, that Blake was telling the truth. Shaking still, she wrapped her arms around Blake as the two stood in their dorm, crying softly in each other’s arms. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- This was a lot of fun to write, but also extremely nerve-wracking for me. I wanted to do this well and was afraid of saying something that might be insensitive. I would really like to thank @bridgyrose for the really helpful advice and looking through it before posting, I really dont think I could have done it without your help~

[yourjughead]

Hermite

Requested: Ace Jugheadxreader fic where the gang all think they're a thing because they're so cutsie.

Pairings: Jugheadxreader

Warning: Will offend people who think asexuality isn't real, you can clear right off now thanks, yours sincerely- someone who isn't real apparently.

A/N: Aww she a cute fic. This is not how all aces are together (obvi). Jugheadxreader in this are not sex repulsed aces. Educate yourselves huns

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“Juggy if you don't stop tickling me we’re going to have serious issues” you laughed at the big raven haired goof alongside you.

“Aww come on ynn-ie you're so much fun to tease” he continued to attempt to tickle you

“Would you two just get a room already oh my god!” Veronica rolled her eyes and archie added, “Yeah we’re trying to eat here and ye’re basically having sex on the diner table”

The both of you looked at each other and then burst into laughter. Pops was mostly empty, just a few stragglers and your small group of friends.

Jughead kept a hand on your thigh and you leaned on him, happy as ever and blind to what your friends were seeing, you two continued to mess around.

The gang exchanged looks all the way through dinner as Jug and you shared chips((or fries...but its chips...end of discussion)) totally oblivious to your surroundings.

“WOULD YOU TWO JUST TELL US YOU'RE TOGETHER ALREADY!!!” archie finally snapped and practically came over the table to you two giving you both a fright. The group all looked on bewildered at Archie.

“What? We were all thinking it and saying it to each other...i just finally had the guts to say it to them”

“So now it's out there, yeah what is going on between you two” Ronnie  grinned

Jughead and you exchanged looks before simultaneously laughing out “Nothing”

“Are you kidding? You two are always cuddly and YN wears your hoodies all the time Jug and you two are always off together, so someone better start talking” Archie was over beating around the bush.

“Yeah we’re friends Archie...friends do those things”

“You literally have one hand in hers and the other on her thigh!” jughead glanced down and then back at you. “Huh, didn't even notice “ he laughed moving his hand from your thigh to reach his drink, his other still intertwined in yours.

“Hahaha neither did I” you grabbed a chip ((fry...but they're chips))

“You got rings for each other for fuck sake!” Ronnies tone mimicked the increasing frustration of the entire group.

“You mean this one” you pulled a chain from around your neck, the black ring dangling.

“Oh yeah that ring” Jughead raised his left hand, middle finger decorated with the beautiful hermite.

“Yeah see! You're even wearing them now! You two are totally a couple!”

“Couple of Aces” you grinned and all but Jughead looked confused, he, well he looked smug.

“Ehhh what…” Veronicas face twisted in confusion.

“Ace...it's the umbrella term...we’re asexual”

“Oh like plants” betty's innocent smile prevented Jughead and you from snapping at this response ((seriously guys, don't say that to Aces, we don't like it, its not funny and it's in no way original, trust me we all had a meeting, be more creative because no thanks petals))

“No, not like plants” you tried your best not to sound annoyed, jugheads hand returning to your leg, squeezing it.

“So you two..aren't sleeping together...or dating or dating anyone...ever”

“ No we’re not together, never were.” Jughead politely answered Ronnies slightly rude question.

“We just like being around each other..why does that seem weird to you guys, you all like being around each other, thats not weird. If i was doing the same thing with Ronnie or Kevin you wouldnt even question if we were together” you smiled but your tone was still pointed.

“Im so sad, you guys were my OTP, you two were endgame” you both laughed at Betty.

“Sorry Bets”

Kevin came running in the door with gossip from school and the conversation moved on from your relationship status, both thankful for it.

When it was time for you to leave Jughead offered to walk you home, you happily obliging. When ye had left the table hand in hand the group gathered their thoughts on your situation.

“Wait ynn and jughead?” Kevin was laughing hard after the group caught him up “they're ace” he continued laughing.

“KEVIN YOU KNEW AND DIDN'T TELL US!” Ronnie hit Kevin into the chest.

“Okay firstly, OWWW, secondly, it's not my job, responsibility or right to tell you other people's sexuality, it's not our business and it doesn't even matter” they all sat back and nodded, taking in the wisdom.

“Oh Hetros, you are such  special little strawberries now aren't ye?” kevin laughed.

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Much love Xx

[notafeeling]

hullo here's the Longass Brooklyn Nine Nine Sanders Sides AU One Person Asked For and I Desperately Wanted an Excuse to Do ahhhHHH ive talked about this so many times but im happy to do it again because i love both these fandoms GENERAL: - they work in new york at the ninety ninth precinct as detectives - the youngest is roman, followed by virgil, then patton and then logan - thomas is in this AU but not as a detective PATTON: - think charles "washing your partner's hair is the most romantic thing you can do with your fingers" mother-hen boyle - ...minus his tendencies to talk about his frankly disgusting sex life. - he loves everyone and would do anything to protect them. even if that means taking a bullet for them. he's ALWAYS on virgil's side no matter what, and would follow him to the ends of the earth - oh my god okay virgil and patton having a jake-rosa type friendship. they met in the academy and have been looking out for each other ever since. - the only time anyone's seen patton angry is when virgil got shot. the wound wasn't too bad - more of a graze really - but he had to be held back for charging after the shooter unarmed - patton seems innocent, but nothing slips past him. the arrestees try to make fun of him but he never cracks. - one time he just talked about his day with someone he arrested in the interrogation room until they finally give up and confess to "STOP HEARING ABOUT FUCKING RAINBOWS" - he's one of the best at getting confessions, but the worst at anything athletic. he has two left feet, but is scarily accurate with a gun. (the others don't know this, and patton refuses to tell them.) - he's single but wants a kid. logan doesn't know, but when he leaves his office patton sneaks in to talk to his son (explained later) - veryyyy pan and open about it relationships: - virgil, i've already discussed. they're the tightest best friends (and most protective) that you've ever seen. patton adores virgil and often, finds him crashing at his place at 3 in the morning. patton doesn't mind, since it means virgil has finally given in and quit working for the day. - with roman, patton isn't as intense with his worrying but he is ALWAYS concerned about him. patton hates seeing him get hurt - and even worse, getting shit for being gay. patton has gotten quite a few close-minded cops fired. often, patton's the only one roman will turn to when he's going through a rough patch. - patton respects logan. it took a while for them to warm up to each other but now it's not uncommon to see pat seated inside logan's office (who has tried and failed to get patton to call him Captain Sanders. pat may be respectful but "captain" isn't in his vocabulary unless it's applied to pirates") LOGAN: - the captain of the detective squad. he was the newest addition to the ro-pat-virge friendship and took the longest to get along with them. - he's very much a holt - a frickin genius, bad at expressing emotions but understands them and incredibly... extra. - he loves annoying roman because his detective often has no clue he's doing it on purpose. virgil has more of an idea, but he's still clueless in logan's opinion. - for someone so strict, he's incredibly relaxed when it comes to any of the three using his office for games such as "who can do the most accurate and offensive impression of one of the other suckers outside this room" - more often than not he's walked in to see roman moving robotically and using sophisticated words... incorrectly. that bugs logan more than the terrible robot impression. - he loves puzzles and analysing people. however, he's slightly ashamed of the fact that he has a psychology degree. - logan's divorced and has a fifteen year old kid named thomas. rarely - very rarely - the others catch a glimpse of the teen being brought into his office by a strange woman and logan trying his best to entertain the kid all day. his worst fear is thomas being hurt because of him - he's asexual and demi(homo)romantic, but he's not open about it. he's only told roman - and that was when ro convinced him to go to the annual precinct party and he got a little drunk. relationships: - he trusts patton the most, but is closest with roman. something about his infuriating detective makes him interested in hearing whatever dramatic adventure roman went on that day. plus, he's incredibly fun and easy to get riled up. through roman's influence he's allowed himself to get closer with everyone and relax a tiny smidge. - patton, he adores. the detective is so bubbly and so much more complex than logan originally credited. patton insists on heart-to-hearts which end up with logan revealing the truth about thomas and patton saying he already knew, and explaining that he always plays with him. logan admires patton's charisma, but loathes how easily he trusts everyone. one day, patton's gonna get hurt doing that. - with virgil, they're the Salty Bros. logan finds himself sharing virgil's dislike of small talk and worry over patton. they think he'll be taken advantage of. anyways, he walked in one of virgil's panic attacks and talked him through it. ever since, virgil goes to him if not patton and logan closes his blinds and shuts his office for the rest of the day. no one is allowed in unless it's life or death as he cares for virge as delicately as possible. virgil's the second to be (accidentally) introduced to his kid because of this. VIRGIL: - he's the hardest working out of the lot of them and, when trying to solve a particularly tough case, almost refuses to go home. by day three patton intervenes and drags him to his house and forces him to sleep. - he hates people getting hurt. he blames himself every single time - it's a habit that logan tries to get him out of. patton doesn't know (or so he thinks) and roman, well, roman's the same. - virgil's sort of like an amy/gina fusion (discussed with sam). he starts off not really caring about anyone apart from patton who he's known forever, but now he'd die for them. often, he tries to take bullets (both literally and figuratively) for them. roman hates this and once, the time virgil got hit, he took refused to look at him until he finally exploded and yelled at him for risking himself like that - logan and patton steered clear of that argument and let them work it out. it ended with ro and virge crying but reconciled. - virgil is uncomfortable around young kids because he's afraid he'll somehow hurt them or teach them a new swear, but with teenagers he knows to either let them rant or mutually ignore each other on their phones. (it doesn't apply to thomas though - which struck virgil as odd. maybe more on that later?) - he's... not straight. that's all he knows and everyone thinks he's just closed about it, but they know he's not straight too. relationships: - closest with patton and trusts him the most. they've kissed once in the rush of the moment and it frustrates him that patton never brings it up (but then again, that's such a relief because virgil can't deal with emotions). above all, they're best friends. have been for what feels like forever. virgil loves patton more than anything (take that any way you want because virge can't tell which way it is either) - he and roman are the dramatic pair. somehow there's always Something crazy to talk about whenever they see each other. roman is like a brother to virgil - they fight, sure, but at the end of the day, they would kill anyone who hurt the other. - he loves complaining about things with logan. he also loves teasing him over every little thing - but logan returns it with sniping comebacks. virgil loves these. he helps logan stop stressing and is often the one who invites him out to places, knowing what it feels like to be excluded. he rants about the State of the World™ and logan pitches in with his own bits of wisdom. to virgil, logan is a comforting presence. he seems invincible to virgil (until the day thomas insults logan out of Teen Angst™™™ and his captain shuts off completely, unmoving and unable to stop virgil panicking). ROMAN: - athletic, sassy and incredibly talented. he was the first to the precinct but is the youngest (but shhh, the others are unaware considering he refuses to have a birthday party). he's the tallest though, and loves teasing them for it. - he may be gay af but he flirts with anyone his age, and often virgil or logan has to drag roman away from the holding cell ("i was just asking for proof of identity!" "you asked for his number." "...his social security number!!!") - He Has A Boyfriend (no one knows who it is. it's an open polyamorous relationship and boyfriend singular is an understatement. they'll stop by but because it's not the same consistent boyfriend the others just haven't made the connection) - he's only been broken up with once. it was his first ever longterm boyfriend, and it was a few months after he became apart of the ninety-ninth precinct. virgil saw and that's how that started talking - with virge awkwardly comforting a stranger shoving chocolate into his mouth. - roman once had to go undercover but only logan knows this (since he knows everything about everyone, not because he sent ro on it). when he came back, patton was the newest member of the squad and virgil hung around him and only him. it was lonely as fuck, but roman had learnt during his time undercover that your real emotions could never be shown. he employs dramatic gestures and sugared words to destroy the memories of the things he's done. if the world loves him, maybe he'll love himself one day. relationships: - he and virgil have since reconnected. roman lied about why he was gone for so long and virge let the topic drop. he goes to virgil to help patch him up after a chase because he knows his friend wouldn't spill. roman's bitter about virgil's relationship with patton because he was replaced, but he won't say anything. he has to be a good friend. virgil needs more support than he does, in roman's opinion. - he gifts logan puzzles with thousands of pieces. they take forever to find but he loves seeing the stoic captain smile. roman's the only one to call him captain, but nowadays he doesn't do it as often. his method of relieving logan's stress involves gossiping and trying to throw dance parties in his office. logan is the only one he trusts to talk about Memories™ with, because somehow, his captain always knows the right thing to say. - him and patton are like two peas in a pod. they're always coming up with crazy ideas and they both care so much about everything and everyone. he doesn't blame patton for virgil being better friends with him than ro, but when he and pat go out and he gets reallyyyy drunk, he tells him how much it hurts sometimes (among other things that roman doesnt remember revealing about himself in the morning) THOMAS: - he was only 12 when his parents got divorced. he mostly lives with his mum. she complains about logan a lot, so over the years he's gotten a negative opinion of him. however, recently he's started seeing his father more because he LOVES the police station. - he especially loves patton, who brings him cookies. virgil strikes him as odd but once they found they shared their love of MCR, thomas actually slips out of logan's office to seek him out. - he's actually very sweet when it comes down to it. with patton, he refuses to swear and with virgil, he swears to tell v off for swearing. a week before christmas he gives patton a bear from build-a-bear and virgil purple earphones, but he does so by leaving them on logan's desk as he and logan leave for the day, because he knows patton lets himself in and would see it and give virgil his present. - he wants to be a doctor when he grows up. he really likes helping people but also, a small part of him wants to be able to take care of his dad should the need arise. - thomas also is Aware of everything relationship-wise in the precinct (aside for anything about roman, who he still hasn't met yet.)

[softfics9]

To: The One Who Found Me

Fandom; GOT7

Main Pairing; Choi Youngjae/Reader, Choi Youngjae/You

Side Pairing; Im Jaebum|JB/Park Jinyoung|Jr.

Summary;  I'm writing you this letter because I find it easier to put words on paper than say them out loud.

Genre; Fluff

Trigger Warnings; None

Authors Notes; This is written in the style of a letter from Youngjae to you, the reader. The way the original character is written is gender non-specific so can be read by both male and female readers. The character is also asexual so if that bothers you then don’t read. This was my first ever work so I know it is a little all over the place but I hope you like it anyway.

Beta’d; No

Cross-posted on; AO3 

To; The One who Found Me.

It was Friday, I ran home from college with my collar turned up against the weather. It was raining and the cold winter wind blew the water in to my eyes and down my back. I had no hood, no coat, and no umbrella. Hence why I ran. I hadn’t done a lot of exercise these past few weeks, skipping my dance classes in favour of the music room, composing new songs. It had certainly caught up with me though, my breath coming in short gasps as I finally turned on to the residential street where I lived. I reached the door of my apartment, I turned the handle but it didn’t open.

My door was never locked, with one or both of my roommates always home. I fished through my pockets looking for the keys I knew I didn’t have with me, I never needed them. Banging on the door yielded no results, there was no one home. Then it hit me, they were gone to the city to celebrate their anniversary. Leaving me alone for the first time since we started living together two years ago. Im Jaebum and Park Jinyoung, my hyungs and roommates. Gone for the weekend to enjoy some time together, just the two of them. And there I was, standing in the rain, locked out of my own house with no way in until they got back on Sunday evening.

I almost cried with frustration, maybe I did but the rain running from my hair down my face made it hard to tell. I trudged over to the bench on the opposite side of the road, the stinging rain had drained all the energy and life from me. I could have gone back to the college campus, I could have gone to the café ten minutes down the road. But instead I sat in the rain, feeling like I deserved the punishment, not caring if I caught pneumonia. It would serve me right.

You found me 15 minutes later, sitting on the bench staring holes into the ground, completely soaked to the skin, shivering from the cold permeating my bones. I looked up when I realised there was no more rain falling on my head. You stood there with your big golf umbrella, obnoxiously bright colours contrasting the dark grey sky. Your clothes were slightly damp, although it was hard to tell since you wore a black shirt, black trousers and black jacket, like a shadow standing under a rainbow.

The look you gave me was like the one my mother gave me when I came home from school one day with a broken arm, filled with concern and worry. You asked me what happened, and then your look changed to incorporate a hint of disapproval when I told you I locked myself out of my apartment. It was just like my mother when I told her I broke my arm by falling out of the tree in the school yard, despite her constant warnings not to climb it.

But still, you offered your hand to help me up, and walked me to your apartment five minutes further down. You let me in to your house with no more questions asked, I was too numb at the time to think about this.

Your apartment was spotless, nothing out of place, everything was so clean and bright. I walked in your door, and left my battered sneakers beside your polished boots. I was dripping water all over your floor, but you said nothing as you directed me to the bathroom and told me to take a hot shower. I just nodded, my teeth were chattering too hard to say much. I closed the door behind me and began to strip out of my sodden clothes as quickly as I could with unresponsive fingers.

You didn’t knock before you came in again with a giant hoodie and pair of tracksuits that definitely looked too big for you. I was only standing in my boxers at this time, but you seemed unfazed, just showing me how to turn on the water and adjust the temperature. Another thing I didn’t give much thought to, I was far too cold. You pointed to the towels I could use and then instructed me to bring my wet clothes out of the bathroom when I was finished. You asked if I had any food allergies, satisfied with a shake of my head to indicate no. You told me to take as long as I might need, and as you turned to leave, you smiled, and the iciness that had taken over my body seemed to melt a little.

I finished stripping my wet clothes and stood into your shower, I let the amazingly hot water wash over my frozen skin. When I finished showering, after washing my hair with your coconut shampoo, I dried myself off and decided that these were by far the fluffiest towels I had ever felt. It was like wrapping myself in a cloud.

The clothes you left for me were slightly big on me too, but they were warm and comfy so I couldn’t really complain. From the way you were dressed when we met, so formal and sombre, I didn’t expect you to be the kind of person to own these types of clothes. But when I left the bathroom and found you standing in the kitchen in an oversized cardigan and loose grey tracksuits not unlike the ones I was now wearing, I reckoned there was a lot I didn’t know about you.

Before I could announce my presence in the kitchen, the wet clothes in my hands were whipped away (to be washed and dried, you stated simply when I exclaimed in confusion) and I was pushed to sit at your dining table. The bowl of piping hot soup and steaming mug of tea that was waiting for me came as a surprise, but with an authoritative “Eat up” I did just that. It warmed my insides and left me feeling sleepy but content. I tried to offer my help cleaning up but you insisted I needed to rest. The blanket you wrapped around my shoulders was soft and warm, just like you I thought wistfully. We sat on your couch and you asked all about me, and with a security I had never felt before I told you everything, despite only meeting you an hour ago.

My name was Choi Youngjae I told you, and after discovering we were close in age we both agreed to use informal language. I was a music major, attending the local university on a scholarship, and I found out that you were taking a year out of college, working part time in a book store and teaching music to children. We both played piano, we both loved Disney and animals. When I told you a funny anecdote from my last showcase you laughed, and it sounded like a choir of angels singing the highest of praises.

It wasn’t long before I started to yawn and when you took my hand to show me where the bedroom was I was too exhausted to protest. I wanted to insist that I sleep on the couch but the fatigue was too much. You tucked me in to your bed, which was rather small but comfortable, and when you asked if I minded sharing I shook my head. There was plenty of room for us both I assured you. That was probably one of the best night’s sleep I had in a long time, falling in to a deep slumber straight away.

When I woke up the next morning, I was surprised to find I had started to cuddle you while we slept, my arms wrapped around your smaller frame easily. It just felt so right, waking up to you there proceeded to warm me more than the blanket thrown over us. As you stirred and looked at me, the innocence and purity in your eyes took my breath away, I felt the need to protect you with all I had.

You didn’t seem to mind our closeness, and I had to wonder how you could be so comfortable with someone you barley knew clutching you like a teddy bear as we slept. We got up and you made breakfast, I seemed to have caught a cold from the rain the day before, and you laughed at my sneezes. It was inevitable you said, and started to lecture me on the workings of the immune system, using words I didn’t recognise but I just smiled and nodded.

You were very intelligent and well spoken, your voice like soothing honey.

We had pancakes and hot chocolate, it was still raining outside. You went for a shower and changed in to the fluffiest jumper I had ever seen, fluffier even than your towels. We sat wrapped in the same blanket from the night before and watched your impressive selection of Disney films, singing along to every song. Your voice was as heavenly as your laugh, I couldn’t get enough of it, of you.

The rain let up around lunch time, so we went out, I was back in my own clothes which smelled fresh and new. I drank coffee and you just had water, caffeine didn’t agree with you, and your friends all claimed you were bouncy enough without it. I had to agree with them, you were a physical manifestation of happiness itself, sunshine had nothing on the brightness of your smile or the warmth in your voice. No matter where we went people would smile and wave to you, it seemed everyone was your friend. I understood why, you were a delight to be around and your presence seemed to make everything look more beautiful.

We returned to your apartment after a walk around the park, where I had shared with you about my roommates and how we met. You laughed at my description of Jaebum, a gruff leader type who was scary when mad but still managed to be a giant softie. Jinyoung intrigued you, a man full of sarcasm and wit but still seemed to have such inherent motherly qualities. Stories of my other four friends had you creased, a volume to your laughter that almost matched my own. Mark the quiet hyung from America, who I co-owned a puppy with. You cooed over photos of Coco, and I felt like a proud father. Jackson I told you was loud and full of energy, a Hong Kong man with many talents, and a knack for making people laugh. Bambam from Thailand, you couldn’t pronounce his full name and got slightly embarrassed. He was a fashion guru who loved making mischief. And finally the giant maknae Yugyeom, annoying as anything and an incredible dancer. He was very sensitive and we all protected him like a baby.

Although there was something troubling me, I had to ask you the question that was on my mind. Why were you so open, so welcoming, and so friendly with people you had never met before? It was dangerous, anyone could take advantage of you and your inherent sweetness.

You looked puzzled, your head tipped slightly to the side as you contemplated what I asked. It was in your nature you mused out loud, you were raised to always help people whenever you could. You were lucky enough to have been raised by a secure, caring community and although you knew that darkness existed, you chose to see the possibility for good in everybody. And besides, you added almost as an afterthought, no one could take advantage of you when you were a third Dan black belt who knew all about the pressure points and weak spots on the human body. A giant grin broke across your face at my shock.

Maybe you were not just as soft as I originally thought.

I sighed defeated, and we sat together aimlessly browsing the internet like old friends, it was so comforting. Watching stupid cat videos and debating the best online gaming tactics. You suddenly squawked at some stage later that evening as we began to discuss dinner, I had never called my roommates to tell them what happened. It was the first time I thought about that, my hyungs were so protective of me, they would freak out if they found out what happened. I called them under your direct orders (“Or so help me Youngjae I will call them myself”).

I was right, they did freak out, insisting they come back straight away despite my protests. They would be back first thing in the morning and “seriously Jae-ah we can’t leave you anywhere”.

I was upset that they were cutting their trip short because of me, but you cheered me up with the promise of my favourite meal for dinner. Honestly you were too good for me, how could anyone else ever compare, I was falling for you hard but you didn’t seem to notice. After dinner, which I successfully managed to clean up after against your wishes, we went back to your room and cuddled in bed. Why were you so comfortable like this? I wondered out loud, just lying in bed with a stranger with no awkwardness. And come to think of it, how had you not been embarrassed walking in on me almost naked the day before?

You turned to look at me, an expression of deep thought on your face. You simply told me that you didn’t feel sexual attraction to anybody, that you were raised by people who were so open and comfortable in their own bodies you sometimes forgot about other peoples need for privacy. Nakedness never phased you, and you felt happy in your own skin, so embarrassment over anyone seeing your body was non-existent. So even though I was a very attractive and handsome guy (I turned bright red at this outright compliment) you didn’t feel anything other than a sense of friendship with me, despite being in such close physical contact.

Even though it should have made me upset, this direct rejection from someone I had begun to develop feeling towards, instead I just felt a warm glow. This was a connection which wouldn’t be troubled by awkwardness about our bodies, I was quite comfortable with myself, being a dancer and in relatively good shape. I was content with just cuddles and giggling about whatever random things came to mind, singing songs at the top of our lungs and lounging around doing nothing all day. As these thoughts of a future closeness with you, I smiled, and you called me your sunshine. That just made me smile harder and you laughed when I called you my angel. And as we fell asleep wrapped around one another, bare skin touching with only underwear to separate us, it was serene, it felt like finally finding my own oasis of peace.

When they said first thing in the morning I honestly didn’t take my roommates 100% seriously, but yet a loud banging woke us at an ungodly hour. As you went to answer the door only wearing a band t-shirt two sizes too big (that still managed to stop only just below your hips), I contemplated what series of crazy events had led me here. And as I heard exclamations and awkward apologies from my two hyungs, mostly Jaebum-hyung, I laughed as I thought back to Friday, it seemed like eons ago. When I walked out into your hall in only my boxers and they exclaimed even louder, blushing furiously at the implications and conclusions they had jumped to, I smiled wide.

You ushered them in to your home, insisting on having breakfast despite it barely being past dawn. I threw on the jumper you gave me on the first day and explained everything to my two friends, who were both red as ripe tomatoes, and you set up the pan to cook French toast and waffles. They calmed down after I finished explaining and said how grateful they were to you. You just laughed it off, and you said you were happy to have met me.

Breakfast was a happy affair, recounting both of our stories from the past two days. It was a shame it had to end, but I needed to go home and do assignments for Monday (I groaned out loud when my hyungs reminded me of that). As I bid you goodbye, we exchanged numbers and promised to keep in contact often. It wasn’t long before you became fast friends with my roommates and the others, sharing stories and even staying together often. Going out to the cinema, and for dinner, having game nights and even thinking about taking a trip when I got a break from college. My roommates were able to go on more excursions together, secure in the knowledge that you would take care of me. Simply put, it was bliss, you were the missing piece of our puzzle and you fitted in with us perfectly.

So now, as I write this letter to you, five years after our fateful meeting, I hope you are happy with me. I know it took me far too long to finally get the courage to ask you out. I know that I was awkward at first, not wanting to sabotage the beautiful friendship we had. But you made me realise that a relationship was just a friendship. One which had a title and a stronger, more intimate bond. One that meant kisses and hand holding were seen as a normal thing, and spending exuberant amounts on gifts for the other was not frowned upon.

So I write you this letter as a thanks, thank you for becoming my other half, for teaching me that every cloud truly does have a silver lining. Thank you for being my sunshine, my guardian angel, my reason to wake up and want to make the world a better place. You have changed me for the better, and I hope that you feel I have done the same for you.

Please come to the bench where we first met, I am waiting here to ask you a question that I think has been a long time coming.

From; The One who Loves You.

P.S Please say yes? This ring was expensive and I lost the receipt. Plus the others have already set up a party to celebrate.

[acefaerie]

I think its really understandable that a lot of younger people sort of assuming that somehow not having an attraction to others is seen as a virtue especially by religious groups. 

When i was a teen my lack of interest in relationships was seen by the adults in my life that “oh she is just shy” “she’s been a good girl and focusing on school work” and tbh that was the narrative i told myself.  

except, looking back there was an underlying concern from adults that I was “missing out” on the Ideal Teen Romance TM. I got hints of it when ever I made a new male friend. “Oh he looks like he might be your type.” followed by a hopeful smile. after a while i got the “Its okay if you like girls” because i think by this time my parents had realised “she’s really not that interested in boys is she”.

but these instances were mild, my parents, specifically my mother who is “liberal” mind you, and had many close female friends who were lesbian and bi, kept out of my way. I was doing well at school, i was a “good girl”. So for me i think i get why some young people don’t understand the pressure for people to pair up because when you are in highschool if there is pressure its from peers and generally parents consider you to be “just a late bloomer”. But this is my experience, which was.. 15 years ago, and the world has changed quickly and drastically it may be different for others. It may also be that i am privileged in coming grom a generally accepting family, that is not religious, that would have accepted without question any girls I brought home (in fact i was asked if i wanted to).

My peer group generally either made jokes about my lack of interest or assumed i was gay. the general knowledge around school was i was gay, even my guy friends who never asked me also just.. assumed that was the case. I was lucky in the sense that like my mother most of my friends were either bi themselves and therefore didn’t care or pretty liberal minded. so i was cushioned... except for this one girl Tanya. She was homophobic and hated me because of it, i know this because i overheard her complaining about me one time and it generally was about how she had interpreted any causual friendly touch i had with my other friends as “creepy and weird”. I was forced to spend time with her because one of my “best” friends  was really good friends with her (who we have another story about but its only slightly related to this) and wanted us to hang out all the time. 

Tanya made my last year of highschool hell. She poisoned friends against me, and created a sort of social outcasting that left me without a support group. I was unlucky that a lot of my out bi friends who accepted me dropped out the previous year for various reasons. So i was left with the only people who sort of hung out with me being the largely straight (or closeted best friend who when she did start dating a girl, did so in secretl) acquaintances of those friends, who were easily convinced by Tanya to drop me from the group.

but here is the thing. I never called myself gay, (a am a pan/bi ace yes but at the time the only thing i ever said or did was say “Im not really interested in boys” because I really didnt know what i was) just not being interested  was enough for Tanya. 

besides  my awful experience with Tanya I get why teens think “not being interested” puts a pretty light target on your back. even if my parents were disappointed i didnt experience the “ideal teen romance TM” it wasnt a huge concern. The bullying a recieved from Tanya is also ambigious because she was exactly the kind of bigot who was bigoted against everyone who was different she was basically the epotime of what prejudice people talk about when they talk about the “prejudice tree” where a bigotted person who is biggeted against one thing is bigotted against most things that are different from them.

What was my point. Oh, yes. in highschool the main negative reactions i got were from people sharing frustration and disappointment about me dating (though the “late bloomer” thought pretty much silenced this crowd) and the more aggressive lot who were homophobic and i fit enough of the criteria for them to consider me a target.

The first negative thing, the frustration and disapointment, as an ace i think that has become more impactful the older I have got. The pressure started to hit hard in my twentie. “Something is wrong with you” reactions from people grew the more i became “clearly an adult” Friends who were fine in highschool suddenly treated me like i was a kid who didn’t know anything about anything because “i hadn’t had a relationship or sex what do i know about being an adult”. My parents, though well meaning became more and more worried abut what was wrong with me.

Omg the relief they felt when i had a relationship that lasted two weeks (where i cried the whole time and barely even kissed the person).

relationships and sex are treated by our society as a right of passage for becoming an adult. So its fine to be a late bloomer, but thats what these people think you are “a late bloomer” not fully complete yet, still growing.

my mother who was so supportive in my teens and early twenties started letting her anxiety about me leak through when i spent most of my 20s not even “just single” but actively not looking I think she even once told me she just wanted me to have the experience of a real relationship, after i had one that was online (which was like having one without having to touch a person which i enjoyed, until he came over and there was touching and i didn’t enjoy it as much anymore because both I and he forced me into sexual situations i was not ready for but had been convinced by everyone i knew that that is what you did if you were in a relationship) after him i felt physically ill if i knew a person found me attractive so actively avoided being “too sexy” so people wouldnt.

the first healthy relationship slightly romantic relationship i had was a Queer platonic one, with a woman. Everyone knew we were in love, even my professors. but it remained platonic and honestly helped free me from all the toxic stuff that happened before. Im still incredably close to her. 

at this time though I was in my mid to late thirties, and my families comments had become less “you are too picky” to “Im worried you will never find someone” “you are nearly 30″ “what if you want kids you can’t leave it too late”. 

its all small stuff but it mounts up. its mirco-aggressions that become deafening. Im childish because i don;t like sex i need to grow up, im weird im wrong im mistaken im making my parents sad, why can’t i be who they want me to be, my mother crying because she just wants me to have a special person but never understanding that my QPR WAS my special person because to her that was just a friend, people saying i don’t know what i want, people saying im a loser cos they never see me dating, people telling me they ” think being single is a sign of failure” people telling me that when they call me a prude its an insult and im weird if i dont feel bad for being a prude, people telling me i should be interested, “don’t you find him attractive”, “sex is amazing what do you mean you dont like it”,” i think you are just scared of love”, “you must be a closet lesbian”, “your just a straight faking for attention.” “why are you trying to date normal people isnt there a website for people like you?” “its not our fault there arent many of you”, “your a bad girlfriend if you don’t like kissing he/she will be hurt if you wipe the saliva away or if you say you arent attracted to them”, “you don’t understand what love is” “you are confused” “you are sick, see a doctor”, “you’re abusive,” “ you don;t know what you are talking about”, “your sick, is it a hormone deficiency” “HAH you don’t like sex just get married then you wont get any”, “how can you not feel attracted then,” your abusive if you have sex but not sexually attracted”, “you’re abusive if you dont have sex cos you are with-holding from the other person”, “it's okay if you dont want sex for now know but thats just how relationships progress”, “Why don't you like him he likes you, “” Im worried you are going to be alone for ever” 

The pressure of it used to keep me up at night where i felt i was FAILING everyone i knew because i just couldn't bring myself to feel that way about another person. I became deeply depressed. It was the main reason i considered suicide.

when i finally did enter a relationship again after two years of EVERYONE pushing for it. that pressure stopped in so far as people stopped pressuring me to be with him, but now i feel like i have to pretend to be normal so people will leave me alone, and i feel like part of me is lying to myself.

I worry about falling back into unhealthy patterns where i play the role of girlfriend just so i can stop people from knowing im weird. The only saving grace is this time my partner and I know im asexual. He doesn’t quite understand it but he respects my boundaries. still part of me feels like this relationship is a compromise. he doesn't get it completely even though he tries.  he treats me well and i love him,  Its just getting to this point my twenties were years of me ripping up my insides because of all the things society was saying to me. I felt trapped between the fear of being alone and the fear of having to force myself into a relationship again. 

So i get why young people dont get what negativity you can face for being aro/ace but thats because the virtue of being disinterested is only a virtue if its temporary. and even then don’t underestimate the power of bigots to sniff out a difference to target you for.

[knightsabyss]

Okay. Bit of a tmi talk in this post about personal stuff. If you dont wanna hear about my sex life in a slightly vague way, dont read it. So I'm asexual. I flip between sex neutral and sex repulsed. Sometimes, its in an instant. I'll be okay with things and suddenly I just wont be, itll feel disgusting and wrong. Doesnt make sense but thats how it is. Its frustrating for me sometimes because itll literally be in the middle of sex and i suddenly just wont be neutral anymore. Anyways thats not the point of this post. I can handle that. This is a post that makes me happy, i just needed some background info there. So my boyfriend is amazing. He knows im not always comfortable with things, and he knows that i will switch in an instant. Hes even learning to pick up on my tells because he knows I wont tell him when that switch flips. Hes learned to stop everything in an instant and ask "are you okay? Is this okay? Do you need to stop?" He knows that its not always easy for me, and that I'm not always going to be into things. He knows he has a lto of learning to do when it comes to my sexuality. The amount of respect he gives me when it comes to consent is astounding, the fact that he isnt afraid to ask me if things are okay and stop if i need to. I just love him a lot guys, and im so pleased.