#can you tell i dont know shit about hockey lmao

[tojisun]

sugar, spice, everything on ice (hockey au)

hockey player simon x f!reader’s relationship through the eyes of their fans but like smau - sorta like this!!

simon has never really used his socials properly before. hell, he probably still gets his gossip from the grapevine (being their locker room) or something. of course their goaltender, price, isn’t any better, but at least the man is active online. riley? a fucking ghost.

until, of course, his girl starts popping up in people’s posts.

.

emory @.emowysg

just found out that simon riley’s WAG doesn’t know hockey but she still flies to see him play 😭🙏

Simon Riley ✓⃝ @.riley41 to @.emowysg she’s the sweetest

STREAM TASTE @.bosseysnumber1 to @.riley41 AINT NO WAY YOURE LURKINJ

emory @.emowysg to @.riley41 WHAT IS BRO DOING HERE 😭

bry @.strobrymilf to @.emowysg The way you didn’t even tag them but he still saw this IJBOL

emory @.emowysg to @.strobrymilf IM SAYING 💀

.

sandra @.nightwingsgf

oomf was telling me that simon riley the type to overexplain the sport to his gf (tisming, if you will) and i fucked w that hard

icarizz @.brycelims to @.nightwingsgf tisming 💀

Simon Riley ✓⃝ @.riley41 to @.nightwingsgf haha no i go caveman when i try explaining it to her but she’s so patient with me anyway

papillon @.breedthatginger to @.riley41 i saw this comment, scrolled away, then audibly went, “PAUSE” yo king what thenrufk 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

sandra @.nightwingsgf to @.riley41 trying to stay nonchalant about simon fucking riley shirsey #41 forward and alternate captain of specgru just casually being in my replies (girl im failing)

.

cigarettes after shrek @.autumnblooms

can simon fight

[it’s a screenshot from simon’s instagram story—the phone is being jostled, leaving people looking like pixelated streaks, but the screenshot does a good job at capturing your wide smile as you hold up a puppy in the air]

huggy @.hghsbros to @.autumnblooms she is so so pretty 🥹

ouroboros @.ayacchi to @.autumnblooms heavy on the caption lmao

Simon Riley ✓⃝ @.riley41 to @.autumnblooms and win

marie @.mariejayp to @.riley41 what being in love does to a mf

౨ৎ @.persephonessin to @.riley41 shounen ahh reply 😭

jonah @.jonathanmllr to @.persephonessin bro said [image of gojo’s infamous ‘nah. i’d win’ quote/meme]

.

🍂 @.zeekewin

YALL LOOKIT RILEY AND GARRICKS GIRLFRIENDS CHEERING AFTER THAT LAST GOAL

[the first image is a blurry shot of you in the box, your mouth open as you yelled. the background is a mess of specgru’s colours, showing that the rest of the WAGs came in with this season’s WAG jackets.

the second image includes kyle’s girlfriend who is holding your hand while the two of you are mid-jump in celebration.]

hime @.peaxhespie to @.zeekewin are we.. seeing the formation of a new polycule

🍂 @.zeekewin to @.peaxhespie cant even be like “dont ship real ppl!!” bc theyre too cute 🥹

Simon Riley ✓⃝ @.riley41 to @.zeekewin is that the clearest picture you have?

🍂 @.zeekewin to @.riley41 KING?????? also, yeah. sorry :(

char-les @.charlatron to @.riley41 shit it’s not a myth - bro really /does/ pop up like bloody mary 😭

.

eren truther @.aotsucks

yall are we about to censor his fucking name because hows he always in our replies 😭

🎀 @.ttius_overkill to @.aotsucks no because he’s so in love on g 😭 “she’s the sweetest” sir stand up!!

eren truther @.aotsucks to @.ttius_overkill NOT STANDIP LMAJDHS

momo @.mrdawcy to @.aotsucks not us knowing who you mean right away 😅

.

louis @.lovingtomlinson

idek who simon riley is or the lore with his girl but that man is smitten as hell. good for him good for him

good luck babe @.stellastic to @.lovingtomlinson one of us one of us one- [screenshot of simon riley’s ‘likes’ on his page, with this post at the current top]

louis @.lovingtomlinson to @.stellastic it hasn’t even been five minutes 💀

.

John Mactavish ✓⃝ @.jmactavish_91

Okay but imagine hearing him in person

[video is of drunk simon, nuzzling his face on kyle’s shoulder, murmuring something too faint for the camera to pick up. there’s a muffled laughter from the person recording, probably johnny from the sounds of it, before they shuffle forward and stick the phone close to simon.

simon blinks at it, looks at the person from behind the screen, and goes, “s’at m’girl?”

video cuts with johnny and kyle laughing at their friend, fond and teasing at the same time.]

samson @.zachob to @.jmactavish_91 GIVE THAT MAN HIS GIRL 😭

susana @.sewswan to @.jmactavish_91 PLEASE WHY’S HE ACTING LIKE THEY ONLY SEE EACH OTHER ONCE EVERY 10 YEARS

baron @.mlawdy to @.jmactavish_91 bro must be winning in life if he’s that in love. lord me when

.

Simon Riley ✓⃝ @.riley41

Me and my baby

[image is of the two of you in the lake house, enjoying the last days of summer. the puppy is curled on your lap, sleeping, while you angled your head up to smile into the camera. simon has his arm looped around your waist, his head resting atop yours.]

sandra @.nightwingsgf to @.riley41 TEARS WERE SHED

emory @.emowysg to @.riley41 GOOD SOUP

cigarettes after shrek @.autumnblooms to @.riley41 TWO PRETTY BEST FRIENDS

i laughed making this fhjefjefw. idk just thinking about how simon fr the type to show off his partner if he can - and he could so here we are!! i also just love making outsider’s pov through SMAU <33

[hockeyandhrsepwr]

Snap Snap 📸

Quinn Hughes X Photographer reader

Snap Series Masterlist

Y/NJohnson

Y/NJohnson I’m a photographer and I took this photo

Aka look at my hot boyfriend 

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Nucksfan  Thank you for your service🫡

Y/NJohnson I am a woman of the people🫡

JackHughes I'm waiting for the punchline

Y/NJohnson what punchline?

JackHughes there has to be something. you're never this nice to him

Y/NJohnson I can't just appreciate my boyfriend?

_quinnhughes he's not wrong......

Y/NJohnson 🫠

_quinnhughes Thanks babe

Y/NJohnson look how cute you are

Y/NJohnson I can't tell if you're being sarcastic but you're welcome

 Elblue Love it!

Y/NJohnson love you mama Ellen 

lhughes_06 Kent your sisters being gross 

Y/NJohnson Quinn your brothers being annoying

Canucks Favourite Hughes!

fan747 Quinn with facial hair 🤤

Y/NJohnson Exactly!! #bringbackthebeard!!

_quinnhughes I remember you saying something about beard burn.... 🤨

kentjohnson.13 bleh

JackHughes nasty (not in the hockey way)

Y/NJohnson

Y/NJohnson we’ll miss you Schenner!! Enjoy living in an inferior city

#stoptradingallquinnsfriendsaway #toomanygoodbyes 

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LukeSchenn Of all the pictures you could've chosen 

Y/NJohnson you know you love me 

LukeSchenn I know you care

Y/NJohnson just shout whenever, and I’ll be there 

Bboeser you are my love, you are my heart

Y/NJohnson and we will never ever ever be apart!!!!

_quinnhughes  girl quit playing 

Kuzya_096 XXX thats wrong, you’re out 🙅‍♂️

Y/NJohnson god thats embarrassing

Y/NJohnson pssst LukeSchenn, how much for you to clock Q next time we play the Leafs?

_quinnHughes are you serious right now? 

Y/NJohnson I think you’d rock the ‘just got my ass kicked’ look! Is it wrong to want to see that?

_quinnhughes Yes!!!

Y/NJohnson oh grow up, its a little punch. Jack wouldn’t do it so I have to resort to other measures

_quinnhughes JackHughes seriously?

jackHughes Oh yeah, she tried to pay me 20 bucks to hit you

_quinnhughes Well thanks for declining 

Y/NJohnson yeah, cause he’s a fucking wimp and didn’t want you to hit him back

jackHughes you didn't grow up with him, he's a menace

Y/NJohnson Oh I'm aware and I chose to be with him which might be worse

lhughes_06 yeah it definitely is

Canucksfan4894 Justin Bieber? She’s a woman of taste. 

Y/NJohnson  oh, thats courtesy of the locker room. Lots of Beliebers in there

Canucksfan4894 LMAO really?! Who

Y/NJohnson where to start? 

_quinnHughes I will revoke your visiting privilege 

Y/NJohnson  See the pass hanging on the mirror? That means I’m untouchable motherfucker 😎

Y/NJohnson

Y/NJohnson Any speculations about trades are irrelevant. He’s here till I say he can leave BBoeser

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Fan5758 Thought this was an official announcement

Y/NJohnson It is. I’m the boss and I say he stays

Canucks not how it works unfortunately :(

Y/NJohnson You can’t take away my emotional support dumbass! 

BBoeser I'm flattered, but I thought that was Quinn?

Y/NJohnson no, he’s my emotional support depressy dumbass. There’s a difference

BBoeser Oh sorry

Y/NJohnson god Brock, keep up 🙄

_quinnHughes Babe, you can’t keep doing shit like this

Y/NJohnson I haven’t been fired yet so I’d say I can

Y/NJohnson I know y'all think I’m joking but I will lock him in my basement

_quinnHughes we dont have a basement

Y/NJohnson well I'll lock him in the coat closet then. Jesus Quinn stop ruining my fun

Jackhughes yeah jeez _quinnhughes let her kidnap someone in peace!!

Kentjohnson.13 Youre living together !? 

Y/NJohnson did I not tell you this? 

Kentjohnson.13 NO!

Y/NJohnson oh, well whatever. 

Y/NJohnson

Y/NJohnson I’m a photographer and I took this photo (round 2)

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_quinnnhughes really babe?

Y/NJohnson I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of my awesomeness

Canucks48 legend 🙌

_eliaspetterson why'd you do me like that? I thought we were friends!

Y/NJohnson I couldve chosen worse photos. I'd call that being a good friend

Canucks4985 Quinn always looks so sad!

BBoeser what is going on in the 5th pic?

Y/NJohnson Cap being a boss, obviously

kentjohnson.13 can you just be normal?

Y/NJohnson ew, why would I want that?

_quinnnhughes don't be mean to my girlfriend! She's perfect

lhughes_06 even when she posts these photos?

Y/NJohnson aw, you think I'm perfect? 🥹

kentjohnson.13 no one else does

Y/NJohnson didn't ask you but thanks bro

Y/NJohnson I drop a picture, now these b*tches feel attacked

_quinnhughes I wonder why

BBoeser I think you mean 1 bitch

Y/NJohnson you're right, its _eliaspetterson

fan857 Queen shit

Canucks Giving the people what they want

Y/NJohnson yeah, since I'm not allowed to post them on the official account anymore.

kentjohnson.13 I can't tell when its you commenting from that account anymore

Y/NJohnson that’s the point little bro. You’ll never know….

Kuzya_096 I'm kind of scared to see your camera roll

Y/NJohnson This is the worst of them

_quinnHughes I dont believe that for a second

williamlockwood Not the penalty box one

Y/NJohnson My personal favourite

jackhughes mine too. Mom hates it though

Y/NJohnson and yet he's still the favourite

Lhughes_06 thats uncalled for!

[hibiscuslynx]

hi it’s me again. (the anon who said i liked seeing you on my dash) i love hockey and baseball (really any sport atp), and have noticed you do as well, so do you have any New Jersey and New York sports headcanons?

HI! WELCOME BACK! AND OH BROTHER (or sibling/sister) DO I EVER !!!!!!

when that hudson river rivalry hits >>>>>>>>>>>>>

devils/rangers rivalry goes fucking crazzyyyyy in the statehouse yeah its not buffalo but tables are still being broken alright. noses too. you shouldve SEEN the shit that hudson river rivalry was getting up to in the 2010s . nj/ny r the same fucking way btw. fighting ur long-esteemed rival every time your teams meet >>>>>>>>>. i like to think this extends to devils/islanders and devils/sabres matches too bc thats all still new york even tho the rivalry isnt as strong there in the actual sport but i want these goofers to have fun soooo. i say they get really into those matches too. they use sports as a way to ✨bond✨ even though they would kill me if i said that.

nj does not have a baseball team so i imagine he isnt the biggest baseball fan in the world. definitely a hockey, football, and (college) basketball guy to me. new york, on the other hand, may quite possibly be the biggest baseball fan you have ever seen.

did you guys know. that the new york jets and the new york giants play in the same stadium. THE SAME STADIUM!!!! they literally live in the same fucking house. thats crazy. and you know where that stadium is? IN NEW JERSEY. new york is just leeching off of new jersey atp. maybe thats why he’s such a ride or die for the bills actually bc its the one team he has that actually you know is in new york.

i also think they actually play sports yk . the NE has some damn good hockey matches . nj & ny both play forward, nj more of a gritty(ha) fiery guy who does the tough work and quite frankly a little bit of a pest. likes to get under your skin. sneaky good shot. winger, plays either side. ny, on the other hand, is a two-way forward, center, plays damn good defensive and offensive hockey, can double as an offensive defenseman too. u can find him all over the ice, in the right spots, doing what he needs to be doing. not known for his hits but lays good ones.

they also play football too !! i know jackshit about football though so i could not tell you what positions they play. all i know is quarterback 😭 is it basic of me to say ny quarterback? who knows. i dont!

looping back to hockey. theyre both diehard proponents that you should not take fighting out of hockey . mfs r projecting over here. new jersey threatens suicide every time his team does badly. he alternates between being mad at his team for sucking and then muttering “im gonna fucking kill myself” afterwards. (i know you didnt ask abt PA but he does the same. there’s this tweet thats like ‘every person ive ever met from philadelphia is a lovely person who casually expresses suicidal ideation within 2 minutes of talking anout their sports team’ and its the funniest thing in the world to me. does this tie into new jersey hcs? technically, yes, bc i hc theyre brothers ^_^ enough of that tangent) new york does not do that . i just dont feel like hes that kinda guy! he is very passionate about his teams tho. they both are tbh!

this is kind of all over the place but i hope you enjoy anon ^_^ and anyone who happens to read this. this is mostly about hockey SORRY thats what i know and love LMAO

[etoile-gracieuse]

im so sorry yall im regressing into all sorts of old obsessions these days.

just saw a post talking abt why dex (and jack at one point) from check please would be banned from aux at parties (im not reblogging bc it is from 2020 and i dont want to argue with anyone i just want to explain why im right LMAO) and all of the reasons they gave were. What. i had a haus of my own, only for a significantly larger team (track not hockey), and i know my experience is not universal and there's definitely someone out there who Also had a team and a team house w big parties that disagrees w everything i say etc etc but like. it is so odd to see people's ideas abt how that goes when it's the complete opposite of my experience

me rambling abt expectations vs reality for music at parties hosted by doofus athletes for doofus athletes below the cut with a short aside about how canon's housing is deeply confusing to me

it's not just party music assumptions that confuse me, it's on all sorts of levels, like the haus being their only team related off campus space. we had... 11?? off campus houses?? and even if you narrow it down to just houses w mens distance runners in it (approx the same number of people as umich's hockey team rosters) then we had 5 houses plus underclassmen in dorms. like the math is not mathing if there's just the 3 bedroom plus attic haus. what 21/22 year old is choosing to live in a traditional dorm. there's just no way your options as an upperclassman are "be lucky enough to be one of Maybe 6 that can squeeze in if several people share rooms" or "live in dorms. hopefully you get a single" when theoretically they should be averaging like 6.5 people per class year. not the point, a gripe i have w canon really anyways, whatever.

but the collective sense of what goes for party music... i get that the canon era is like 2013 to 2018 or so but like i have met some of our class of 2018 alumni. and i feel preeetty confident in saying the below was also true then.

'he would play come on eileen [and get banned]' - im sorry but that was played at LEAST once per party at my athlete frat house, how is that an aux-bannable offense

"they would be like 'we want party music not sea shanties'" - shipping up to boston is a Thing (capital T deserved). and rattlin bog. do you know how many drinks i have finished while listening to/playing rattlin bog. that is a classic drinking game (i double checked to make sure this wasnt invented like right before i hit college or smthn and found a tweet referencing it from 2014). also we did actually several sea shanties at a st pattys party (our aux guy did have to be bullied into it. worth it) though i would not say that that one's a universal experience.

"this absolute ding dong [jack] says 'i like carrie underwood' and is never asked for his input again" - you're telling me you haven't gotten down in a house full of stolen signs that is falling apart at the seams to before he cheats???? i have watched 22 year old 6'7" men stand on tables and truly Perform their hearts out to this song and you're telling me that holster wouldn't pull that shit?

"plays country and gets banned" - see: before he cheats. but also our most popular party theme (aside from disco i think) was farm party. we had hay bales and apple bobbing. our number of international harvester streams hit double digits before midnight. i did not go to college in the south, or in the middle of nowhere, or any of that. even city kids like to get drunk in overalls and cowboy hats singing about farmers' daughters sometimes

"he just plays dad rock" - i think once again people underestimate how hard college kids go for shit like that when theyre drunk. i have watched people pole dance around a basement support beam to billy joel and bruce springsteen before (admittedly not super frequently but also often enough that i think i have 2-3 videos of it happening). ok actually im looking at a dad rock list and. what do you mean people havent danced to queen at parties. or the killers? or the fratellis? no chelsea dagger or henrietta? no american pie at 2am when youre so tired you can hardly keep your eyes open but youre leaning on your friends and swaying enough to call it dancing so it's ok?? no the boys are back in town???

[ohmyeyesmyeyes]

fourth anniversary

mat barzal x famous f!reader

summary: your annual 'soft launch' post comes around, only this time fans get a little more than they bargained for

warnings: swearing, soft launch, hints at sex, let's ignore the misspelling of 'anniversary' at the beginning, reader has tats

i'm a sucker for soft launches guys i'm sorry but i have no range on social media au's 🤷

liked by glenpowell, camilamorrone and 962,851 others

ynofficial: "flowers? linen? fruit? silk? I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE TRADITIONAL THEME IS FOR A FOURTH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY IS AND ALEXA IS TELLING ME SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO GOOGLE AND GOOGLE IS TELLING ME DIFFERENT THINGS!!!! WHY IS THIS SO HARD?" - M

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fan1: YOU'RE MARRIED????? WTF

fan2: so those soft launches were wedding anniversary posts? i'm unwell babe

fan3: i think i just shat my heart out in mcdonalds

fan4: damn

fan5: so we got marriage??? and a full post??? with a caption??? that proves he has personality??? and three full photos???

fan6: fr we're getting fed

fan7: I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO HE IS OR WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE BUT I JUST KNOW HE'S DELICIOUSLY DISGUSTINGLY GORGEOUS

ynofficial: i can confirm this, yes 🙋

fan8: have you not seen her track record of partners? the girl's got taste

fan9: PREACH SHE DOES

fan10: LMAO HER ANSWER 💀💀💀

fan: THIS IS SOFT LAUNCH 5 BUT THEIR ANNIVERSARY IS 4???

liked by titobeauvi91, noahschnapp aand 135,861 others

barzal97: happy 4th 💐🍉

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fan11: barzy hasn't posted since october and then he slams this

fan12: so many hearts broke today 💔💔 (mine did)

fan13: babe i thought we agreed not today!!

fan14: this better be an april fools joke or something

fan15: it's march?????

fan16: that cake was from barzy to me, sorry guys

fan17: THE TATS OH MY GOD

fan18: they look so familiar

fan19: that's because ynofficial has the exact same ones

fan20: wtf

fan21: holy shit she does

fan22: this is 4 years too bro

fan23: are they????

fan24: I THINK SO

liked by taylorswift, alexachung and 991,286 others

ynofficial: i get mystified by how this city screams your name 🌸🚏

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fan25: i came from stalking twitter and i don't think it's talked about enough that her husband might be mat barzal

fan26: we love us some taylor swift love songs 💜

fan27: i'm dying over here

fan28: GIVE ME SIGNNNNN

comments on this post have been restricted

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barzal97: he shoots and he scores

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fan29: you didn't this weekend bro

fan30: shrieking bc of this

fan31: i spy an innuendo 👀

fan32: i think i burnt my eyes this is too hot

fan33: y'all mind if my boy slays real quick?

fan34: islanders and yankees don't add up

fan35: Y/N POSTED ONE LITERALLY SIMILAR TEN MINUTES AGO

ynofficial posted to their story...

liked by ynofficial, titobeauvi91 and 231,286 others

barzal97: she keeps calling me bro, like, my dude, we've been hitched 4 years

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fan36: I DID NOT EXPECT BARZY TO BE THE ONE TO SOFT LAUNCH THIS RELATIONSHIP WHAT

fan37: was this intentional?

fan38: holy fuck my god are you two attractive

fan39: i'm crying does mat not tan or something??

ynofficial: baffled. offended. insulted. TILL DEATH DO US APART, MY FRIEND. THERE IS NO RETURN POLICY. THE RETURN POLICY IS THE D-WORD.

barzal97: death?

ynofficial: (divorce)

fan40: what was that?

fan41: that was morbid

fan42: nah they're actually so gorgeous together

fan43: fr i think they suit each other so well

liked by barzal97, pierrgasly and 999,135 others

ynofficial: the man, the myth, the legend, the husband, the broski, the gremlin, the hottie...i give you my husband AKA mathew barzal AKA #13

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fan44: husband first hockey player second. fair dos.

fan45: i'm jealous of both of you

fan46: why the look of disapproval in the first pic?

barzal97: she called me buddy 😔

fan47: yeah you win. idk what the competition was, but you win it

fan48: he looks completely different in all of these 😭

fan49: how did you guys keep your entire relationship a secret?? between you you're practically wanted by the entire state of new york

ynofficial: hush money

barzal97: blackmail

titobeauvi91: they're spies

fan50: forget ny they're now wanted by the fbi

fan51: if you ever have kids the rest of the world ain't gonna stand a chance

ynofficial: 👀

barzal97: wdym 👀?

fan52: 👀

ynofficial: 👀

fan53: WHAT IS GOING ON RN??? IS THERE A BABY???

ynofficial: nugget

barzal97 just posted to their story...

[caption: fyi, THIS is nugget]

[jungxk]

hotshot

filed under: i should be embarrassed but i’m not 

notes: opposing hotshot player hobi uses some vulgar language when talking about you during play and jungkook doesn’t like that. at all.  

warnings: making out, grinding, partial nudity (bare chest), sweaty kook

"what," your hands smack down on the walls of the penalty box. "was that?"

jungkook won't look at you, won't even acknowledge the edge in your voice, and it only makes your anger sky rocket that much higher.

he's never been that rough of a player, which is why you couldn't help but recoil when you watched him blatantly tackle the opposing defence into the ice, putting him in the beginnings of a headlock before being ripped apart by security. he all but started beating the guy with his $200 stick.

"have you lost your mind or something? do you want to be benched for the rest of the fucking season?" you hiss, watching your manager stomp over in the distance.

jungkook still won't make eye contact and only now do you register his clenched jaw, temple dipping in and out with the way he grinds it, face sheathed in sweat so the tips of his bangs are soaked. he's hunched over with his elbows planted on his knees, too big in his gear, gloves twisting his stick incessantly to the point where you fear it'll snap.

you wait desperately for an answer he won't give, line of vision focused on the match he's not watching. those big almond eyes you adore are hidden by his furrowed brow, angry and cold and petty and nothing like the jungkook you lov-know.

you stalk away with a huff once his manager starts scolding, gloved hands fisted in your pockets. whatever was wrong with him, he picked the wrong girl to reveal his asshole persona to.

...

"jung hoseok was a nice guy!" is what you yell when you burst into the locker room unannounced, effectively clearing out the boy-dungeon with every player scrambling out the door for their lives.

you're so angry you can only see red as you storm up to jungkook, locating his damp brown head amongst the sea of exiting boys. "i don't know what the hell is going on with you today, jeon jungkook, but this attitude doesn't fucking fly with me. did you know i just spent the last half hour talking pd-nim out of cutting you from the final? not that you care because apparently i give more of a shit about you career than y-"

the room is ironically pin-drop silent when you take in jungkook's glistening chest, grey tracks slung low on his hips so you can see the v-lines of his sides decorating his pretty happy trail. the ridges of his abs sing under droplets of sweat, rolling downdowndown to a place that makes your throat constrict. among other places. jungkook watches you gape like a fish out of water, tongue pushing into his cheek with a smirk he doesn’t hide well. "are you done?"

"n-no! no i'm not!" you yell. at his nipples, apparently. they're dusky, like those brown seashells by the beach. suddenly your mouth pools with excess saliva that you don't know what to do with. "and another thing…"

jungkook closes his locker and waits. "yeah?"

it takes a few gulps and ripping your burning eyes away from his torso for you to answer, glaring up at him. unfortunately he's a full head taller than you, not that that stops you from baring your teeth. "you know that hoseok's ass is pretty much bruised into next month, right? you did that," the muted rage overrides jungkook's expression again. "you're lucky you didn't break anything of his! god, jungkook, i get that in game time you're a heat of the moment guy but a choke hold? in front of the entire audience? seriously?"

"heat of the moment guy, huh," he echoes, quiet and growled, jaw cocked to the side. his hair is pushed back from all the sweat, brown eyes skirting back to your face in a way that makes your brain halt to a stop. "the fucker deserved it. you think he's all nice buying you drinks before warm-up but you didn't hear the shit he was saying about you during-"

"what shit?" you counter. you fold your arms over your bust and now it's jungkook's turn to gulp. he never has an easy time when you wear tanks. "what could he possibly say about me that'd get to you more than me?" he makes an angry, huffing sort of sound, fists clenching at his sides. you only feed off his rage. "believe it or not jungkook, but i don't need you or any other pissy man to fight my battles for me. especially on the ice. i barely even know the guy so what the hell does it matter what he says? what is this, the fucking stone age? you gonna go hunt a boar with a spear in the name of my honour now or—?"

you squeak before you can finish because jungkook's suddenly got your waist gripped in one big hand as he pushes you back into the lockers, the other coming up to snake around your neck, tilt you up so he push his mouth into yours. you all but yelp in his vice grip, his hips pinning yours hard into the doors so your lips fall open to let him push his tongue through to meet yours. kissing jungkook is all pants and gasps and dragging your nails up his undercut before you even realise, tugging his hair when you moan into his hot, open mouth.

you make a sound that goes straight to his groin when he finally breaks away, lips glistening and chest heaving, his nose tucked against yours. even with him nursing a semi into your grinding thigh, he thinks you look cute, out of breath with your cheeks flushed like that.

"you're so," you can barely get the words out, senses reeling with the taste of him fresh in your mouth, big chest slick under your palms. "you're so stupid," his breath is hot over your mouth again, fingers trailing down your back to touch you under the hem of your tank. "couldn't you have done this before the game? save us the trouble?"

"i could've," he hums into your neck, suddenly tracing your pulse with his tongue so you gasp. your fingers thread through his hair, still damp, hips leaning into his hands so you're flush against each other. "but i had to hunt that boar for you."

you give him a weak smack to the shoulder, thoroughly disarmed by the way he kisses down into your cleavage. "that was still a dick move, you know," your breath hitching when he slips a taught thigh between yours. "i-it's gonna be on your record for a while."

he smiles, presses a quick kiss to your nose, and you're suddenly reminded how painfully, blindingly handsome he is, all white bunny teeth and glittering round eyes. "i'll live."

"yeah you will," you huff, tugging him impossibly closer, shamelessly enjoying the way his sweat soaks through your shirt. "but me? with all the extra paperwork? less than likel-"

he kisses you to shut you up again, slower this time but just as hard. it's becoming a bad habit of his. jungkook all but makes you soak a patch on his thigh with the way he grinds it into you by the time jimin saunters in, only just getting out of the shower.

"oh," you rip away from jungkook, cheeks burning. "my god. are you both serious? in the locker room? what kind of low budget porno-"

"jimin!" you squeak, shoving jungkook off you, who's conveniently silent. "it's not what it looks like! we just…we had a fight, and-"

the older boy's smile stretches from ear to ear. "a fight?" your cheeks reach boiling temperature and jungkook's quickly follow. "jungkook-ah, are we in one of your wet dreams right now or someth—?"

“hyung!” jungkook's teeth almost chip from how hard he clenches them. 

"both of you just get dressed!" you say hastily, scurrying out the room. you stop by the door. "park. you saw nothing. and jeon," you refuse to look back at him, but he can hear the smile in your voice, the hairs at the back of his neck standing up. "i'll wait in my car."

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

my annotations for chappy 11 of ysijwa

this is just for drea and leyla to read so if you're not drea or leyla pls keep scrolling :)

ok this is pretty chaotic and like i said earlier i treated this ike a wattpad comment section so... have fun ig :)

SHERLOCK AND WATSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE YOU SM DREA

NOT MISS SNAP CRACKLE POP

jealous y/n you say???

now i know why you ignored all my tiktok asks lmao

HELPLESS OH MY GOD

truly madly deeply intended :)

damn he's kind of a narcissist yk? like "I have to be serious my entire family depends on it" shut up mr darcy you're not special

devout in his religion hmmmmmm hopefully we see some more religious trauma content bc me too vampy

awww he wants kids but now he cant have them bc hes... dead :(

AWWW his sister taught him to knit :( if he doesn't knit bloodbag a sweater i swear to god

stuffy moron is correct

"IT'S A FUCKING WONDER HE EVER GOT LAID" OIJRIOJWEIOJIEWOJFIOEJOF

"THE ATROCITY THAT IS BEING ACQUAINTED WITH NIALL AND HIS HORRIBLE AFFINITY FOR CHEAP FLANEL" ORJFOIJFEIOWJ YOURE SUCH A POET

he's so dumb she was with him bc he's hot that much should be obvious to him🙄

FOOLISHLY HOPELESSLY UNMEASURABLY IN LOVE HWAT THE FUCK DREA IM SAD

i love that he remembers the spinal cord dislocation and the dead leaves . like yea im dead rn but the leaves in my hair are really what's bothering me the most

what the fuck is a maw

ok i looked it up i get it now

"attachment is for gullible idiots" yup and youre one of them vampy 😌

"the warmest skin his icy fingers had ever had the good fortune to touch" im so soft rn

oh so now she has "a wholesome beauty about her nature" ? i thought she was just cute enough 🤨

HE THINKS HER SMILE COULD RESTART HIS HEART THATS SO CUTE IM OUHOIJFOEWIJFIOEWJ

"the responsibility of keeping her safe, satisfied, and happy" how 🥺 🥺🥺

"as long as he breathes" i thought he didn't breathe lmao BUT I GET THE SENTIMENT

"always when it comes to her" IM SCREAMING RN THIS IS SO SOFT I CANT

ill never forgive him for being so dense either his brain is basically a rock

HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE THAT HE BELONGED TO HER IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE

couldnt be me i dont want to be percieved

HE ADDED A FUCKING BUTTERFLY AFTER THE DISCO BALLS IM OIWFJIOEWJFIOEJIOEWNOJIWJ(*H(WUIOFJIOEWJFIOWHVIFUEH)U)($UT

HEY a hamilton obsession is not childish😤

'the only person who was allowed to touch him there was y/n' he's like a little kid who's possessive omggggggg

oh this reminds me i rlly hope everything in that chest was new and had never been used on anyone else owijfowiejfioewj

oh please my irish king can control himself let y/n meet the other vamps🙄

"if they knew all along why did it take so long" yk im wondering the same thing dummy

"every day was a battle to earn her love and affection" wtffff how could she hurt him like that he is just a baby

i think he needs therapy tbh

yes he does deserve to be treated with respect and dignity😤

"supporting and tolerating them despite your differences" exactly unless they're a republican

IM SORRY THAT WAS MEAN OIWFJOIWJFEIOw i said what i said tho

they did everything backwards but it's what baby needed🥺

im literally gonna 🔪 bradley how dare he hurt my favorite ribeye like that

PROPER BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND BONDING PLSSSSS im sure he makes sure to say stuff like "as your boyfriend' or 'since youre my girlfriend' all the time now

"everything that has to do with harry has always and will always make her feel safe and secure" ...who's gonna tell her👀

HE BECOMES CLINGY IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

awwww my love language is also quality times bestiesssssss

(this is more serious you might want to change the words to nose kisses or something because esk*mo is a slur)

HE wants to be wrapped in HER arms and get forehead kissies like a little baby🥺🥺

i can tell you wrote this chappy bc leyla would never write about ice cream

IF CHRIST CAN GET A DATE MARKER SO CAN HARRY OIFJOEIWJFIOEWJFWI PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HIM

ALWAYS FOR HER WEJFIOJWEIOFJEWIOFJOIEWJFOIEWJF HES SO IN LOOOOOVE

HE DID IT AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM🥺

omg i have a thot imagine if she got a heart murmur or something and obvi he knows bc he can hear it so now he has to find a way to make her get it checked out out without being suspicious 😭

HE ROCKS HER TO CALM HER DOWN WHEN SHES HAVING NIGHTMARES IJFEOWIJFOIWEFJ

“nearly blinds himself for eternity” what a drama queen i love him

maybe learn how to turn your brightness down grandpa

“can women sense emotional distress” why is this so funny oiewfjwieojfioewj

DEHUMANIZING OWEIJOIAJAKLFSDJLKSDJFKLD

not a psychotic episode 😭😭

crippling mommy issues woejfkljdklsjsdf me too king

awwwww he made her a full buffet i would cry

matchy socks im gonna sob

king is a chef 😌

y/n’s head @ harry’s clavicle rn: 💥

“his plush chest” drea its ok you can say titties

“absolutely flawless”? are you sure shes not just cute enough 🤨

he got her oat milk 🥺the sign of true love

hes such a shithead i love him

SPELLING HIS NAM E ON HER TUMMY IM HAVING ANOTHER STROKE

“I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE” HES SO WOIFJSJFSDKJKLSDJF

HE DIDNT HAVE TO DO NIALL LIKE THAT 😭😭

RAPUNZEL HAIR OSIDJSKJKLSJF

she traces a tiny heart on him wtfffffffffff im sad

this… is hot

“theres no room on the counter” owifjlksjfslkfjklsj

HE WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER maybe then he’d be a little less cold

im sorry that was wrong of me lisjfskldjfwoiejewiojrei

OH MY GOD OWEIJFKLJSKLFJL SHES SO BOLD “can’t i?” OSIJFKSLJLKJF

oh boy hes gonna kill her

I WONDERED WHEN THE YOURE HOT WHEN YOURE MEAN THING WAS GOING TO COME UP

literally shut the fuck up mr english major

do it bestie kick him in the balls

SPARE BOOBIES MAAM I CNAT BELIEVE YOU aCTUALLY WROTE THAT OWIFEJWIJEKLJFOIEWHOEWIFEHFLKEWJFKLEWJKLJFL

IM WHITE IM ALLERGIC TO SPICE WEJFLKJFKLEJFLKJSKLJKFSJD

“character development at its finest” what a self aware king

y/n stop being mean to him baby just wants to feel close ☹️

“I’m anemic” ok king whatever u say

“ME AND MY CHRONIC ILLNESS IM SENSITIVE” IJFKLSDJFKLJSDKLJ

ahhhhhhh it’s yoga time

“just ask your cervix” jlksdjflksdjflkdsjflk

“if only you knew” ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

yeah y/n isnt like those other girls 🤪 shes different 🤪

yes bestie objectify him

THERE IT IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THIS ENTRIE BOOK

PERHAPS MY FAVORITE LINE IN ANY BOOK EVER

“He hasn't been this stiff since rigor mortis”

i think about this on a daily basis i truly do

grey shorts? what a slut

“call the lapd im pressing charges” me after walking up the stairs

OH SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREYS ANATOMY CHARACTERS FROM THE SPOILERS WITHOUT CONTEXT COME IN

him using his shirt as a towel im BARKING

“I wasnt jealous” yea ok 😃

AGAIN HIM DRAWING HIS INITIALS ON HER SKIN THATS SO WOIJFSKLDJFLSJ

yeah harold she just wanted a little kiss 😤

yeah 😃 its bc he ran track 😃

no bc thats so fucking cute that she pretended she had never seen the show before bc he was excited to introduce her to it 🥺

I would do the same tbh i feel like it would be fun to wash dishes with harry idk why

“that skank” oisjksldfjklsjfklsdjflkd

YOUR THICK SKULL COULD DAMAGE THE MARBLE LSKFJKLDSJKFLSDJFKLSJFKLSJKLSJLDKFJLSKDJF I WOULD CRY

he gets her a cup of water 🥺

ok but like wouldn't she want to wash her hair after it got all sweaty at yoga

awwwww she got his toothbrush ready for him why am i so soft rn

memory foam mattresses sound nice but actually they kind of suck bc you sink down and feel trapped in them 😃

HE WATCHED THE TIKTOK SHE SENT HIM IM HAVING A THIRD STROKE

niall is probably on the dumbest side of tiktok idek what side but it’s probably annoying and he thinks it’s hilarious

noooo baby youre not a monster🥺 someone give him a hug rn

well actually you are kind of a monster but its ok we still love u bestie

I too run on caffeine and pizza pockets 😌

TONSIL HOCKEY WHAT THE FUCK OIEJFLSDKJFKLSDJFLSJLKFJSDKLFJ

chatsnap hes such an old man 😭

true lmao if you dont have social media i immediately dont trust you

not the i just washed my hands tiktok 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE FEELS STRANGELY PERCIEVED RN KJFLSJFLKSDJ IDK WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BUT IM LIKE LEGIT LAUGHING

DO IT BESTIE BITE HIM CHOMP CHOMP

“my eyes are stinging” hes such a baby 😭

“MY SIGH”TS ALL FUZZY” SJFKDSLJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLK

“are you all right” “I dont know :(’ i cant handle this my face hurts from smiling lksjflkjafklj

he has a kitchenaid stand mixer omg thats so sexy

ok but has anyone ever gotten salmonella from raw cookie dough bc i think thats just a myth

fuck u for that one vampy

wow he could never deal with my chronically ill ass

WAIT IS IT WAP

NOPE ITS BETTER LSDFJSDKLFJDS

I agree body is absolutely an instrumental masterpiece

I KNEW HE KNOWS SOME TIKTOK DANCES I KNEW IT

“I know youre kinda into that (getting smacked in the face)” SHUT UPPPPPPP SKJFSKDLJFDS

NOT HIM TWERKING SLKFJSDKLFJDSKLFJDSKL

YES YN GET THAT VIDEO AND BLACKMAIL HIM

“I think i popped something” ok old man 😭

why is the word wench so funny lkfjslkfjdslkfjsdlkfj

dont hand it over i want to see him snap

OH SHIT HE JUST JUMPED THE TABLE LSDFJSDKLFJLKDNMNXCMNJKHOIUIOEUR

oooooooooooo

OH MY GOD AGAIN SHE REALLY IS BOLD SLKDFJDSKLFJLSKDJFLKJFS

not guerrilla warfare 😭😭😭😭

do it bestie give him a concussion he deserves it

“no piece of art could ever compare to her” 🥺🥺

“remember that time you told me making out was childish” “no” i hate him 😭

THERE IT IS AGAIN “sex isnt the only way he can feel close to someone anymore” SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SOBBING

this reminds me of the dehydrated intercourse with demonrry

“don’t care, relationships are about sharing’ hes so sdjfksldjfklsjf

DO IT BESTIE KICK HIS KNEECAPS IN

suing disney for false advertisement 😭

THIS SCENE IS KILLING ME LKJFKLSJFLDSJ “just pucker your lips over it” “You have actual brain damage, dont you?” DREA I LOVE YOU KSDJFLDSKJFLKSDJ

how do those bubbles taste babe

ok drea wtf i was so happy and now this??????

“everything’s wrong” NO SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS HAPPY HOURS

not the boob privileges 😭

WAIT THIS IS FROM THE BSE MV ISNT IT “dance is just so hot rn” “depressing shades are just so hot rn”

NOT HIM GETTING ALL STUTTERY WHEN HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS A DRAWER 🥺

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS GENTLE WITH HIM BEFORE WTFFFFFFFF IM CRYING

“youre so fucking cute, my baby” me when i see literally any picture of him

JELLO HAS a STRONGER BACKBONE THAN THIS KSFJSDKLFJDSKLFJ

“betrayed. objectified. taken advantage of. used. “ i hate him sm 😭😭

OH MY GOD IS SHE GONNA SHAVE HIS FACE THATS SO CUTE IM

SHE ISsSSSSS IM SQUEALING

stop him worrying she’ll think it's weird and wont want to do it 🥺

“bold of you to assume id ever be convicted” PLS DREA LAKFJDKSLFJ

“the more you talk, the more appealing manslaughter sounds” I CHOKED DLSKFJDSKLFJDKSJFDSKLJ

HIM WHISTLING TO GET HER ATTENTION WHY IS THAT SO CUTE

Im sorry but its really funny to me how you wrote the sentence “wrong metal, he thinks ironically” … get it ? like IRONically lkfjdslkfj im sorry i’ll show myself out

“this boy?” what a fucking cutie i want to kick him

I forgot what a bop helpless is thanks for reminding me im gonna go listen to the entire soundtrack again-

theyre so fucking cute i hate them

so yea bascally this is the best thing ive ever read and i love you so much and my face hurts from smiling :)))

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 2 episode 4

"THE GAMEKEEPER"

Notes by me

- PJ7989

- the building on this planet looks like a greenhouse dome

- jack: 😎

- sneezy!Daniel

- suspicious people in pods

- why are they dressed for a funeral

- OKAY here we go

- memory loss?? They dont remember where they were

- OH SHIT

- ???? Kowalski????

- he just called Jack "captain"

- is this jacks memory

- this is 1982 so Jack would have been around 22 or 23? A little baby!

- TEALCS HAIR LOL

- wait he has no forehead sticker either

- the goauld are trying to create time travel and I feel like this is gonna come up later in the series. Thats too cool of a potential storyline

- this, however is NOT time travel bc tealc is there and he has no forehead sticker and hair. He wouldnt just be magicly different if they time traveled

- also where is Daniel and Sam

- what are these soldiers and Jack trying to do anyway

- Jack watching his friends die again I'm emotional

- theyre on a loop!!! What is going on

- daniel and Sam are in a New York Museum ooooo

- "okay.....what just happened" my thoughts exactly

- assuming its daniels memory bc theres archeology stuff everywhere

- did some guy in the back round just say "dr jackson"

- his parents. 😟 since the theme is horrible past events I feel like this isnt gonna end well

- HE LOOKS JUST LIKE HIS MOM

- lol both his parents have glasses no wonder his eyes are terrible

- this is extremely fucked up

- lmao micheal shanks acting is so good I want to die 🙃 can u imagine watching your parents get crushed for a second time. What the fuck

- Jack not wanting to go thru this again😟

- the weird people in black are watching

- they changed the position of the bad guys on purpose!!! Cheaters!!

- another loop! Lets try this AGAIN shall we

- "the keeper" youre dressed like a douche

- why does this guy even care if Jack saves his friends or not

- Jack nooooo theres nothing you could have done to save those men

- "we're not playing this game" thats right!!! Hunger games style!!!

- "tell me this isnt real"

- Sam confirming my theory that this isnt real 💞

- daniel being forced to watch his parents die AGAIN. Who said this was ok. This man has enough problems

- "danny" OH MY GOD

- daniel going the extra mile and saying he broke his leg while standing right in front of them. A for effort!

- "okay sweetie?" I'm losing my grip on my emotions right now bye

- how old was he when this happened?

- when the tour guide turned into the keeper dude it scared me lol family friendly shows making me jump

- "where's the fun in that?"

"FUN?!?"

Wrong choice of words douche bag!!! You just proved youre an asshole

- are they watching this for entertainment

- *Daniel watching his parents die for the third time*

The people in black:

- when Daniel stares into his moms eyes for the first time since he was a child. I'm fine I'm just having some thoughts

- "danny jackson!" AHSDJSOSNS

- I cant take this micheal shanks is such a good actor tears are streaming down my face

- hey how come the keeper didnt take a memory from sam

- I dont want him to watch his parents die on a loop for hours!!! What the fuck!!!

- lmao Jack and Daniel doing the exact same thing and being stubborn as hell

- Ah!! Reunited and it feels so good

- the goauld changed sams brain chemistry and thats why he couldnt read it??? Thats SO COOL

- but also how does that work

- assholes???? Like u watch people relive their most traumatic moments??? The fuck is wrong with you

- they are too stupid to know that their own planet is livable again

- the keeper is a douche bag Confirmed and no one is surprised

- yeah sending the people in black away will certainly convince them that youre keeping them safe👌 idiot

- wake up!

- Jack jumping out of the pod lmfao

- youre still in the simulation ya big dummies!! Its very obvious!!

- daniels glasses resting on his head👓

- gee hammond is super on board with the keepers ideas it almost seems like its NOT HAMMOND HHHMMM

- "are you cracked??"

- catch on guys come on

- "sit down, colonel!"

"I dont think so BUCKO"

- there it is!!! Somebody stab themselves to wake up or jump off a high rise or somethin havnt you guys seen Inception

- the keeper is so obvious its not even funny. Like he barely tries to hide the fact that its him lol

- oh hello again Kowalski

- he used to make Daniel laugh 😫

- Jack plays street hockey!

- these people in black dont even know that their planet is literally Eden

- "In our memories...before the simulation....leave me alone"

I forgot he can show them the planet with his memory. Good plan

- are they out for real this time. I'm gonna assume yes since theres only 4 minutes left

- haha his people ruined their own planet and made it unlivable. Environment killing civilians go in the containment pod to think about what theyve done

- theyre out!! Like rats escaping the lab

- when the keeper is losing it bc their picking all his flowers and sg1 just turns around and leaves. Aint dealing with this shit anymore! good luck PJ7989! hope these people dont ruin your atmosphere again lol

~

Whump under the cut

Jack Oniell whump: emotional, punched, shot at, memory loss ish , traumatic memory of former soldier days

Daniel jackson whump: emotional, crying, yelling "no!" Multiple times, traumatic memory of parents death

🎶listening to Out Of My Head by Theory Of A Dead Man

[queernuck]

it’s funny that ur saying the fishdicks r from new york when ur clearly from long island, get out of the city of new york u can’t even choose where ur home arena is, go back to nassau p.s. panarin chose the better team, period

fishdicks? like, fishsticks is the classic insult, and a shitty one at that because we have absolutely taken back the Fishsticks Jerseys, those are a huge part of Isles fan culture, those are loved across the fandom now so like, you really need to try harder if you think THAT is gonna be something that insults me. FishDICKS though is like, you’re trying too hard, just go with fishsticks lol 

And i hate to be the one to tell you this...but Long Island? its part of New York. just like Staten Island is, you dont get to pretend that an enormous part of what makes New York, New York is not a part of it all of a sudden just because of how you want to imagine it.

and I wish, almost all of us wish, that we were in Nassau full-time. the concept of having an arena in Brooklyn is cool as hell, I love that and I love, absolutely love, the idea of the Barclays Center because of how it had the potential to move forward hockey culture, how it was hopefully going to bring together the Nets and the Islanders, because the two were new to their arena but could use that as part of a shared identity, shared love for Brooklyn, to create a kind of unique identity in a way akin to the love for the Mets you see in Queens, the way that Queens is a city unto itself and how that involves the incredible ways that Queens resonates as one of the most diverse places on earth. 

But unfortunately, the ice was bad, the seating was fucked up because of how the designer of the arena decided to make it JUST for basketball instead of allowing for basketball and hockey to be played there, the LIRR could never seem to quite get the volume of transit at Atlantic Terminal correct (despite how fun it is to ride the train when it’s full of Isles fans) and on top of that, there were plenty of people who were dumb as fuck about going to Brooklyn at all because they’re fucking racist dumbasses, which indeed includes some Islanders fans. I mean, it also includes PLENTY of Rangers fans, a whole lot, and I mean an enormous absolutely incredible number, I can’t even remember how many times I’ve seen Rags fans with thin blue line stickers on their cars, but like, that didn’t work out. So yes, unfortunately we were not able to set down roots in Brooklyn, which is something that sucks because I love Brooklyn, I love it a lot. I’ve had some incredible times in Brooklyn (a lot of them involving heroin lol) and at that I’ve had great times at, say, Pride Night when it was at the Barclays so like, there’s that.

But the Coliseum is incredible, it’s a great venue, and you know what it’s way, way better than for hockey? FUCKING MSG. At MSG it costs so much to get in the fucking door that you fuckers have priced out all but the richest of your fans, so as awful as hockey usually is, you have the most bougie, most annoying, worst of your fans at every single game. When you go to a game at MSG and sit in a halfway-decent seat, you end up sitting next to some dude who just got off of work and showed up partway through the first period, is going so that he can brag to his buddies at the office, is either wearing a jersey he bought that day over his Brooks Brothers dress shirt or just straight up is still wearing his fucking suit, and spent the whole day trading in whatever bullshit financial commodities are hot right now, whether its investing in the coup in Bolivia or in making sure sanctions on Venezuela are maintained or oil that runs through pipelines on occupied, unceded land, or weapons companies maintaining the wars and occupations of...well, just about everywhere the US Military is, every country the US sells arms to, or invests in the debt of hundreds of student loans or in medical debt or in a thousand other fucking reprehensible things. Rangers fans are smug, annoying, and when they aren’t the kinds of fucks who will shush you for cheering too loudly in an arena, they’re the kinds of fans who rage at the Suits while pretending that the Suits aren’t part of the reason you can afford so much shit as a team, why you have the prestige and publicity that you do, why you’re a “real” New York team or whatever the fuck you call yourselves. 

Hell, are you even from New York? WHERE in New York are you from? Fucking Westchester? are you from Manhattan?? or are you one of the assholes on Long Island who thinks they’re cooler for rooting for the Rangers?

Panarin got offered a BETTER contract to play on a team with a kid who just won a Calder, to play with Jordan Eberle, Anthony Beauvillier, Oliver Wahlstrom, and we have a prospect who’s only in his sophomore year but could go down as one of the best players in UConn hockey HISTORY!!! He declined a BETTER offer to play with a team that’s got talent up and down to go to a team that has...fucking Kreider? Kappo Kakko is good but apart from him, who the fuck do you even have? You traded away all of your fan-favorites lmao, your team is mostly fucking nobodies after him and yet he went there anyway. He’s having a good season in spite of this but if you think he wouldn’t have THRIVED on the Island you know even less about hockey than a Leafs fan. 

Anyway, fuck you, fuck the Rangers, fuck Panarin.

[jaxcns]

y’all know this mans? yuh.. really gets ya thinkin that men might deserve rights after all huh? i mean they dont but it makes ya think! anyway.. i’m urayai ( uri for short ), eighteen, she/her, and from bumfuck nowhere usa over in the est timezone. we livin in a winter wonderland over here rn issa nightmare :) if ya feelin the vibe now then check out my statistics page yuh maybe i went the extra mile MXDDDN! anyway if ya poppin ya p*ssi to nct, love wastin time playin the sims, or are prayin for both taes scalps then smash that heart! we need validation in order to live in this economy laid ease!

basic details

( wong yukhei, cismale, he/him ) — meet jaxon wu, the nineteen year old sophomore at washington state university. i heard that the hedonist is a literature major who spends most of their time either practicing on the soccer field or interning at dorrance publishing two days a week. if you ask around, you’ll find out that the scorpio was born on october 28th, that the last song they listened to was uncomfortable by chase atlantic, and that they currently live in the kappa zeta nu fraternity house. ever since the death of carter hayes though, the only thing anyone can seem to recall when it comes to them is that they used to share a room with him at the frat house.

+ smoke-filled lungs, constellations in his eyes, denim jackets, disappearing acts that rival houdini, heart-shaped boxes, thumb rings, lazy grins, broken promises, and rainy mornings.

full sleeve on his right arm plus a chest piece in progress

ears and nose pierced but he doesnt always rock the nose

emotionally stable? no. financially stable? also no.

on an athletic scholarship for soccer but he loves hockey more so its #emohours

plays soccer, hockey, and baseball

loves the finer things in life but can barely afford the free breadsticks at olive garden ja feel

hes a snake who loves that 5 finger discount

selfish but also too invested in people he cares for

impatient as hell like.. chile

middle child ya he was dealt only the best cards in life

loves space and conspiracy theories #wow so original amirite

gets super obsessive over projects hes def a perfectionist

bisexual / bitter / bilingual

mom is a bank tell and dad is a professor at boston u

not very close to his older brother since hes off gettin his doctorates degree

very close to his little sister tho they’ve always been best friends

enjoys goin on hikes to clear his head

other than writing he also enjoys all other things creative like painting, drawing, sculpting, photography, etc

he attends a weekly art class in the city

he def dabbles in drugs so if ya lookin he can probs hook ya up

he was carters roommate 

ADAMANT — stubborn as shitttttt like fr. once he sets his mind on sumn and believes hes completely right cant be wrong then theres no changin his mind! at all! even if he realizes later that he was wrong he’d rather lower himself into the grave than admit it. he’ll also argue with you til the ends of the earth until the bitch literally dont have vocal chords anymore!

CONFIDENT — if i could’ve picked an alternate label for him then it woulda been the bellwether. he always carries himself with confidence which he gets from wearin nice clothes and accessories plus always bein well groomed ig? like his hair is always done, you’ll never find a speck of dirt on his shoes, that type of shit. even when his hair is messy it was done that way he would never go outside lookin like a wreck so jot that down!

IMPETUOUS — this bitch reckless af! he does things to benefit himself and only himself most of the time without taking into consideration other peoples feelings or how it might impact them. thats not to say that he doesnt regret it after the fact but lbr he normally? doesnt? see: selfish. hes just tryna get ahead tryna get dat coin tryna get him sum gucci slides!

PETULANT — sulky, bad-tempered, etc is jax thru and thru! and he aint afraid to take everyone down with him either. hes def the type to stir up drama ngl but he’ll back it up too and he aint afraid to throw hands! hes been in his fair share of fights and with his shiny new fake id y’all been knew hes been in more than one bar fight with more to come i’m sure!

plot ideas

MUSE — pretty self explanatory i think? this person just ignites fuckin inspiration for him whether it be thru takin pictures of them, writing about them, filmin them, drawin them, etc etc. jax always knows that when hes in a slump he can find them and that shit will come back as quick as flippin on a light switch!

RIDE OR DIE(S) — y’all already know wtf it is! we love those friends who just talk shit with each other, those that’ll go to bat for one another, but also arent afraid to be like “yo step back ur gettin a lil outta line” ja feel? literally gimme all that!

ANGST — i live for anything angsty tbh like im one of those bitches that gets bored when things are goin too well for my chara so i need someone to fuck that shit up fam!

RELATIONSHIPS — im here for it all! im talkin enemies, friends, rommates, party buddies, smokin buddies, fwb, exes, partners in crime, etc etc! im here and ready to snatch em all up!

TEAMMATES — jax plays hockey, soccer, and baseball so if ur chara does too then? uhhhh we def gotta plot cause we could go any way with the teammates thing like imagine teammates who hate each other and purposely try to hurt one another durin practices.. ugh we love pettiness!

ADVENTURE BUDDIES — hiking, goin to abandoned / haunted places, spontaneous road trips, etc! need someone or multiple people who’re down to just drop everything and go. doesnt even matter where tbh they’re just always up for a lil adventure.

SEESAW — lemme be basic for a sec ok just hol on! i rlly want a plot based off of yoongis song seesaw where maybe the two of them were together and at first it was great but then they just fell out for wtvr reason and obvs didnt wanna be together anymore. neither of them wanted to let go tho maybe it was like a comfort thing? so they just kept repeatin their same old shit and actin like everything was cool until one of them finally took the step and ended it just.. ik there’d be angst ik it and i need it!

PARADISE — the new song by chase atlantic! bitch! i felt it in my soul maybe i cried? jax dabbles in literally everything hes truly a mess so havin someone who just checks on him would rip my soul in half? someone who gives him a call randomly in the middle of a sunday night and is just like “hey ya been ok? not fallin back on bad habits are u?” shit like that. it would def be a thing where he falls a lil bit in love with them because its smth hes not used to tho that def doesnt mean at all that they feel that way about him! it can unrequited i dont rlly care tbh.

ik i forgot sum shit and ik this is a damn m e s s but if ya wanna plot then just lms and i’ll hit ya up! we can brainstorm or pick from one of our wcs idc just give this h*e sum plots i’ll literally die without em? im def the type whos down to prettymuch™ fill anything so if ya got a plot that ur rlly wantin but no one seems to be takin then give it to me i’ll 100% take it lmao! ya im desperate what about it?

[andremarcusburky]

Can you do what Travis Konecny is like as a boyfriend? You’re so good at those things I live for them!!!

A/N: OMG WHAT HAVE I FUCKING DONE IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I WENT WAY OVERBOARD ITS TOO MUCH BUT ALSO I DONT WANNA DELETE ANYTHING IM SO SORRY GUYS IT WASNT INTENTIONAL also thanks babe thats very kind of you

masterlist

it was far from love at first sight

when you first met he had a really bad day and came off as a little rude

it wasn’t intentional but he just didnt have the energy to make an effort to seem interested in talking to you

and you were at a get-together at a friend of yours

and like he was just really distant so you thought he disliked you for whatever reason

and he was a bit of an ass to his friends who just tried to cheer him up

lbh we all have those shitty days 

but your first impression was that he was an ass

so you didnt like him much after that

next time you met he was a lot nicer but you didnt like him (remember?) and you can kind of feel when someone doesnt like you, you feel me?

you werent fighting or bitching or anything but like you werent friends

it took a whole year before things turned around

that friend you had in common who kept bringing you together was having a fourth of july dinner-party-ish thingy

there were games and people were paired up into teams etc

and then you were paired up with tk

which was hella awkward at first

but the both of you are competitive af and desperately want to win so you went for it

at one point you were gonna try to make a human pyramid with two people only

so you guys tried to do a shoulder stand

which was really hard and you fell over a million times before you managed to get it right

and you had so much fun while doing it because it was truly ridiculous

lets remember that this would have had to be kinda physical, like when you fell over he fell with you and you dragged him down on top of you more than once

when you got it right and you came down he scooped you up as a celly and you were both still laughing

you became the champs and won the whole fucking shit

the price was a bottle of champagne which you both shared

and that’s when you became friends

you spend some more time together that night and talked about everything you didnt know about one another

it turned out you had a lot in common

sparkssparkssparkssparks

you were just friends for about two months 

met here and there are parties and dinners and what not but never really alone

although you always hung out at these things

and then you ran into each other at a club

he was there with a couple teammates and you with some of your friends

you greeted and everything but they were in a booth that was full and you were too many so you didnt hang out 

you couldn’t help but search for him through the crowd every now and then though

because lets me honest you guys were crushing on each other

and he did the same (while his teammates were chirping him about it because he hadn’t told them about the girl he so obviously liked)

and your friends noticed too and tried to get you to go over to him and stuff but you never did

and then you were dancing and having fun 

until some dude shows up

YES HERE WE FUCKING GO GUYS YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS COMING

and starts pestering you 

and he wont fucking take a no

eventually you actually tell him to fuck right off because youre done with his bullshit

he gets hella angry and scary

and out of the blue comes TK

and we all know what TK is like

but like for once he was actually a bit bigger than the asshole so his odds are better than they ever have been before lmao

“you’ll leave her the fuck alone right now”

but this guy was actually really fucking scary and started threatening TK

and there’s a fight

but like he didnt start it it was actually the other guy for the first time ever

Travis actually had a fistfight in a club to defend you

it was scary actually, hockey is one thing but in public? that was something else and it freaked you out a bit

it made the news, he was banned from the club (lmao) and he got into A LOT of trouble because of it

but he never regretted it

when the guards managed to break them up he was obviously kicked out

you followed to make sure he was alright

he was so angry and frustrated and his lip was bruised but the other guy looked way worse

he kept telling you he was alright and that he was just gonna go home but you didnt just wanna leave him like that after he stood up for you

“I cant just let you go after that? maybe we should go to the hospital?”

he laughed at you

“listen I just cant leave you, it would be wrong”

“then come home with me”

oh my

oh my indeed

listen he didnt ask you to have sex with him but like to go home with him to be with him you know? but also like if you wanna have sex its not like he’d ever say no lol

so you got into an uber and went to his place

twenty minutes later you’re in his bathroom and he’s sitting on the edge of his tub while you’re trying to clean his lip

you’re both still a little drunk

and he cant stop himself from staring up at you the entire time

and you obviously notice but you pretend like you dont because you dont know how to act

eventually you meet his eyes though

and he smiles at you 

and you smile back

and here we go guys

here we motherfucking gooooo

he stands up and hovers over you

and you gulp and like suddenly youre a little nervous

he used to be when he was sitting down but now he’s just so fucking determined that youre gonna be his and he’ll make sure that it happens

his hand softly runs by your jawline

grabs your face and leans in

you both close your eyes and your lips meet and wowowowowoowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowooowowowowowowowowoowowowowo

then it tasted like a little blood because he started bleeding again

because you know blood pressure tends to rise when youre having fun

he avoided your eyes and sat down to let you dab away at the blood again

you had the biggest smile on your face

when he finally looked up and met your eyes he started smiling too

so yeah that was that

but like wow it was great

you didnt have sex that night but you slept together and cuddled away

the next day he made you breakfast and things were that good kind of awkward if you know what I mean? like it was a little awkward because you werent drunk anymore but it was a happy excited awkward 

then you had to leave because he had to go hakstol and a bunch of other people so they could yell at him for fighting in a bar

they later had an entire fucking press conference where TK explained why he was fighting and his fanbase actually kinda grew lmao

anyway so two nights after all that happened you called him to see if he wanted to hang out

so he came over

long story short good nice very great sex

and now you’re his girlfriend.

he’s moody sometimes

you fight a little

not really over things but its more like he’s in a mood or being rude which makes you moody and then you start nagging on each other without actually fighting over anything

but you always make up (sex)

when you’re not fighting you guys are power couple #1

you always make each other laugh with the stupidest things and you’re always close and super touchy

meaning cuddly as well

oh he loves to cuddle

if you’re home by yourselves then his arms are around you at least 90% of the time

and he’s always praising you

god whenever you put some outfit together which is everyday because clothes aren’t really optional he’s giving you some comment

“oh my god baby, look at that ass!”

“911 I believe a lioness has escaped the zoo”

listen you guys are best friends

would do anything for each other

when he’s lost a game you put some 90′s rap on in the car and start rapping along because lbh you cant rap and its hilarious

he always laughs and has a good time

god he loves you

oh right the first ‘I love you’

it just slipped out of his mouth

you fell for each other fast

real fast

so it was only a month into the relationship

but you did love one another 

you’d spent the night at his and woke up before him

thirty minutes later he found you in his kitchen making pancakes

“babe you were gonna get breakfast in bed!”

he decided to help you out instead

which ended with him intentionally spilling batter on you

and you had a mini food fight

it all ended when he wrapped you in his arms from behind and you were both laughing and being cute

it was that kind of breathtaking laughter that hurts a little

when you finally calmed down he just sighed and said it without thinking

“god I love you”

and you froze

and he realized what he said

you turned around in his grasp and he looked so fucking scared

so you kissed him so passionately asdfghjklö

“I love you too, T”

[twenty-nothing]

OneHundredSixtyOne

On Saturdays, I like to… hang out with a friend and go to lunch

Where would you like to be a missionary to? No where

What’s better — toilet paper rolled over top or underneath? Over the top

Which Scooby-Doo character are you most like (Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne, Fred, Velma, the monster, Scrappy?) No idea, I didn’t really watch Scooby-Doo

If you had to endure one natural disaster (i.e. hurricane, tornado, etc), what would you pick and why? A blizzard. I already live in an area that gets A LOT of snow during the winter. Natural disasters scare me because you can lose your house and everything you own. So at least a blizzard sucks and might lose electricity but you will keep your home and everything in it.

What movie or TV show do you take guilty pleasure in watching? Any of “The Real Housewives”

If you had to describe your day as a traffic sign, what would it be? Green

What traditional stereotype would you classify yourself as? Prep

What “group” did you belong to in high school? Cheerleader

If you wrote a book about yourself…what would it be about? My life

If your house were burning down, what would you take and why? My dog, phone, laptop and my favorite sweaters and blankets

Describe your favorite pair of PJ’s. Soft sweatpants with lightweight baggy tshirt

How many handbags do you own? A few crossovers

If this were your last day alive, what would you say to your friends? I’d tell them I love them and was so glad I met them

What is your very favorite part of your day? Leaving work lol

What is your best scar? Tell the story of how you got it. LMAO I have a scar in the middle of my left forearm because I got a pen cap stuck in my cast when I was 13 years old. Old enough to know not to stick a pen, cap side down in your cast to itch it lol

You win a million dollars, but you have to give half to a charity. Which charity do you pick, and what do you do with the rest of the money? I would have to do a ton of research before I choose the right charity to make sure the money doesn’t go to the CEO’s like they usually do. The rets would pay off my student loans, my parents house and put the rest in savings

Describe your dream wedding where money is no option. I’d get the most sparkly dress I can find, Somewhere overlooking a waterfall in the fall, amazing plated dinner and fresh flowers ending with a fireworks show

What kind of deodorant do you use? Dove

If you were a spy what would your alias be? No idea

Do you have a birthmark? Where? Does it look like anything? Yes, just a brown large dot in the middle of my thigh

You are planning the most awesome dinner party of your life. Which 3 celebrities/historical figures (past or present) would you add to your guest list to keep the dinner talk interesting? Gordon Ramsay, Sandra Bullock, Harrison Ford

What is your favorite sport, and which team of that sport do you cheer for? Hockey. Syracuse Crunch, local team. Need to find a good NHL team to root for

Which would you rather have a kiss or a hug? Why? From someone I’m dating, a kiss. Everyone else a hug, but I rather not hug lol

If you could be a pair of jeans what style would you be?  Why? Ripped skinny jeans. The best ones lol

You have multiple personalities, describe some of them. A bitch

What is the best thing you have done in your life? I can’t think of anything...

If you were blind for the rest of your life… what would you miss seeing the most? Fall foilage

What household chore do you hate the most? Dishes

What is your most disappointing moment in life? Seeing how long it would take me to pay off my loans after only going to a community college, made me wish I never went

When have you laughed the hardest? Cried? I’ve been laughing the hardest with Elaine at work, I cry the hardest when I think about any part of my life...

If you had a “theme song” that played whenever you walk into a room full of people, what would it be? I dont know, I’m awful trying to think of shit like that

What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Smile

What time period from the past would you most have liked to live in and why? the ‘50s. Just seems like an easier time. No technology really and just seems like a nicer time.

What is the best reward anyone can give you? Gifts

If you had a band what would you name it? No idea

Do you like fruit? Vegetables? Both!

What can someone do to encourage you? Show me encouragement by showing up for me

If you could be one for just 24 hours, what cereal box cartoon character would you be? Why? lmao who the fuck knows

What was the best thing that happened to you this weekend? The steak I had at Longhorn was PERFECT and amazing!

What is your favorite animal? List three adjectives to explain your choice. Koala. Grey, Cute, Small

What is your favorite color? List three adjectives to explain your choice. Mint. Cool, Relaxing, Pretty

It’s a very hot and muggy day. You desperately want something very cool and refreshing to quench your thirst and revitalize your body. What would you drink — either make your own or store-bought. Ice cold lemon water

You discover that the person you’re head-over-heels interested in loves a good homemade & handmade dessert. What will you concoct when you have this person over? Chocolate chip brownies

What would you leave in your will for the person you care about the most?

Everything

What do you consider to the most valuable thing you own: when you were a child/teenager/now? I don’t own anything really valuable

What’s the kindest act you have ever seen done? Just people giving back and being selfless

If you could have any job in the world, which one would you want? Forensic Accountant

What are your best/worst subjects in school and what subjects would you want to learn now? Best was science and worst was math, I’d love to learn all about history from start to now!

What are you most talented at? Nothing lol

What is your worst nightmare today? Lose my job

How often do you clean between your toes? Every time I shower

What is your favorite way to waste time at work without getting caught? Incognito internet lol

If you could have had the starring role in one film already made, which movie would you pick? Mean Girls

If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do? The ones that fly and flip in the air

If you could eliminate one thing you do each day in the bathroom so that you never had to do it again, what would it be? If it didn’t affect my health, brush my teeth lol

You were just given a yacht. What would you name it? Dreamer

If you could have been told one thing that you weren’t told when you were a teenager, what would you like to have heard? Really research what you want to major in, look up the jobs in the market that relate to that major, what do you really need? An associates or bachelors?

You’ve just been hired to a promotions position at Kellog Co. What would you put in a new breakfast cereal box as a gimmick? Coupons for free cereal

Just like “Everybody Wang Chung tonight!”, what action would your name be if it were a verb? What the fuck???

Name your favorite song. Right now it is Santa Baby because its like 4 days til Christmas lol

[risingskywalker]

tag game!

tagged by @erinllindsays (yay @ making friends!! 💞)

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people (cute that all these posts think i have so many FUCKING FRIENDS)

I tag: @jiggyknowswhatsup @dazed-confused-tired @andre-burky @andreburakovskyyyyyyy @krons55 -- i don’t have 20 friends, and these tag things I literally tag the same people, and don’t wanna annoy people with tags.... so if you see it and wanna do it, i also tag you (and if you hate these things, yell at me to leave you alone lmao)

last

1. drink - Sobe lifewater --- it’s some good shit

2. phone call - my little sister

3. text message - I sent “you remind me of this” and then a picture of Lenny from Shark Tales.

4. song you listened to - Old Scars/Future Hearts by All Time Low

5. time you cried - lmao literally last night. I cry all the god damn time

6. dated someone twice - .....i haven’t even dated someone once

7. kissed someone & regretted it - YUP

8. been cheated on - no

9. lost someone special - yes many times, in many different ways

10. been depressed - yep

11. gotten drunk & thrown up - I’ve pulled trig but I’ve never gotten drunk to the point where I was involuntarily puking

fave colours

12. Purple

13. Yellow

14. Like a teal color

the last year have you…

15. made new friends - yeah at school and in the wide world of tumblr

16. fallen out of love - no

17. laughed until you cried - all the time. i said it before, i literally cry all the time.

18. found out someone was talking about you - yeah and it sucks ✌🏻

19. met someone who changed you - yeah, not a good person, but made me a better person

20. found out who your friends are - yep, once again both good and bad.

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - yeah it was terrible, and then i avoided the guy forever

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in irl - idk let’s say like 93%

23. do you have any pets - yeah a fish named Misha that I gave to my brother, and a dog named Kaleigh

24. do you want to change your name - eh sometimes but only cause MY NAME HAS NO GOOD NICKNAMES AND IT MAKES ME MAD

25. what did you do for your last birthday - I went out to eat with my fam and my friend, and then my brother brought me to a BU Hockey game for my birthday a few days later which was fun cause I got to see Brady Tkachuk demolish a guy from Merrimack

26. what time did you wake up today - 9:00, had to drive back to school rip.

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - ...i was not spending my Saturday night watching reruns of Sabrina the Teenage Witch if that’s what you’re insinuating

28. what is something you can’t wait for - for UMass not to make it to the Frozen Four and me to prove my friend wrong (he thinks they have a chance how cute), oh and for 5sos to come out with their 3rd fucking album like they promised

29. what are you listening to right now - my roommates fan

30. have you ever talked to a person named tom - ah yes, i know many-a-toms

31. something that’s getting on your nerves - people who make every conversation about them and who make themselves seem superior.

32. most visited website - Blackboard (lol), and then twitter probably

33. hair colour - Kinda a dark brown, currently a blondie-ish color at the bottom, was purple at one point, probably gonna dye it dark again soon

34. long or short hair - that awkward middle length

35. do you have a crush on someone - eh kinda, i’m pretty content right now though so it’s not legit.

36. what do you like about yourself - my ability to get people who never open up, to open up. and to be the one who gets to listen to their stories and help if they need it

37. want any pericings? - my daith, and lowkey want my bellybutton pierced but idk

38. blood type - um I think the universal donor one, O? I have no clue

39. nicknames - I DONT HAVE ANY. well, okay my friends in high school used to call me Kbrem, and some people call me Kay sometimes. But to most people I have none, and I wish i did.

40. relationship status - forever single

41. zodiac - capricorn

42. pronouns - she/her

43. fave tv shows - Brooklyn 99, Jane the Virgin, Supernatural, Chicago Med, This is Us (but I suck at watching it cause I’m at school) and LOST forever and ever will hold a special place in my heart

44. tattoos - I have a lil elephant on my ankle, I’m getting a 13 with my cousins on my wrist, and I want a Harry Potter quote on my rib.

45. right or left handed - right

46. ever had surgery - yeah. Oh also had wisdom tooth surgery over break and those videos were HILARIOUS

47. piercings - double piercings on my earlobes and my cartilage but I never wear earrings, and my nose and I always have that in obviously

48. sport - I used to play softball and I used to swim. Hockey is my fav to watch but I’ve only ever played street hockey

49. vacation - I’ve never left the East Coast, I’m so lame I know. So vacation consists of around New England, Virginia, New York and Florida lmao go me.

50. trainers - what? if you mean shoes, why yes I do own some. If you mean athletic trainers, HAHAHA fuck that I don’t work out

more general

51. eating - I had some baked chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner cause my school ONLY LIKES TO SERVE CHICKEN AND IT’s ANNOYING

52. drinking - actually since answering the first question I’ve been drinking water so

53. I’m about to watch - I wanted to start Teen Wolf, so maybe that

54. waiting for - a motherfucking snow day, or spring break. I’ve been back at school for 2 weeks and I need a break

55. want - financial stability, not to be overwhelmed with school work, a better sense of belonging. that went from kinda a smartass response to deep, bye.

56. get married - at some point, to the right person

57. career - Clinical therapist! Preferably in a school setting or a private practice.

which is better

58. hugs or kisses - depends who’s giving them, but I love a good hug

59. lips or eyes - damn, eyes are beautiful but I pay attention to lips and how they move, but you can tell more by people’s eyes...so 👀

60. shorter or taller - taller

61. older or younger - older (not by much)

62. nice arms or stomach - arms! especially shoulders, I got a thing for shoulders idk why

63. hookup or relationship - relationship

64. troublemaker or hesitant - totally is dependent on the situation

have you ever

65. kissed a stranger - kinda...

66. drank hard liquor - yep

67. lost glasses - I literally don’t know where my glasses are so I hope my contacts don’t get irritating cause idk where my glasses are

68. turned someone down - hahaha YES, that’s my speciality, turn them down and run away

69. sex on the first date - nooooooo

70. broken someones’s heart - not that I know of

71. had your heart broken - yes, but not in a relationship sense, my friends, or rather “friends” have for sure broken my heart

72. been arrested - no!

73. cried when someone died - okay fucking obviously

74. fallen for a friend - yeahhh, don’t do that

do you believe in

75. yourself - depends, not as much as I’d like to

76. miracles - little ones, not water into wine caliber of miracles, but little miracles absolutely

77. love at first sight - physical connection, or a sense sure, not love

78. Santa claus - pfft what kind of question is that, obviously who else brings us presents?

79. kiss on a first date - yeah

80. angles - oh honey did you mean angels? I believe I got people watching over me. I also believe in angles because I used to have to do proofs involving them in geometry so I know they’re out there, and they make me want to cry

other

81. best friend’s name - Kassie, and my literally all my cousins, I know it sounds lame but I have a wicked close family

82. eye colour - Brown with a green ring around them 😊

83. fave movie - The Princess Bride, Miracle, idk what else I have a lot, and I can’t think of any right now

84. fave actor - jessuuusss. (disclaimer: jesus is not my favorite actor) shit, i don’t know Meryl Streep is a queen, most people from Massachusetts CHRIS EVANS!

that was only 84

[gaysols]

last night i accidentally sent @xukns 78 texts talking about the olympics

i have decided to put my thoughts here so i can spam them and put them out into the universe without spamming her phone bc i need to talk hockey with someone and everyone is asleep

everyone is free to read my bullshit

pls enjoy me watching japan vs sweden womens hockey

any time an athlete is canadian born im on their team @ japan u have a fan make me proud

japan hasnt ever won an olympic hockey game i rlly hope this is their time tbh i love a good underdog

ive played on the olympic ice surface in calgary and let me tell u the ice surfaces are so big they looks like little ants

team japan is so cute they give their goalie hugs and pats on the head whenever she does something

yikes 1-0 sweden it was a good shot tho like that took some skill i dont know how anyone could save that rough deal for japan

my dog is sitting on my foot and i can feel her heart beating on said foot and its a weird feeling

lmao a japanese player almost took out the ref yikes but they get a power play now fuk u sweden ur not supposed to trip people

they keep playing kpop between plays i dig this

yikes some of these japanese players need to work on their stride bc theyre fast but their technical skill is sloppy they need to extend and they could be so much faster

ooh the swedish centerman just blocked a shot that looked like it hurt but it was a good block

sweden is literally standing still behind the net go fuckign get her 

yeah sweden has some good speed too frick this is a fast game

oh shit japan has some good passing skills 

sweden is a lot more experienced and the better team, but japan has so much passing skill their passing game is so impressive

awe team canada is in the audience

i wonder if team canada had to buy tickets or if theyre allowed in to watch because theyre competitors

oooh great save by the japanese goalie

tHERE WAS ALMOST A FIGHT IN FRONT OF THE NET

lmao japan was totally offside but thats okay ill forgive them

tHEYRE PLAYING TONIGHT BY BIGBANG im boppin

this is supposed to be a no hit game but there is some chippy shit happening against the boards

oh shit japan almost scored that was close

im crying the canadian member of japan’s team is by far their best player shes from alberta too coincidence i think not

sweden’s goalie is on fire

japan has had possession for most of this period, they just can generate anything and id ont know if thats because their forwards are bad or swedens defense are too good

lmao the refs are american thats why theyre not calling any body contact shit 

okay again; why the fuck is wayne gretzky in this ad he played in one olympics and lost

this is a well matched game tbh japan has had so many really good scoring chances

oh shit osawa had a nice breakaway 

japan needs to shoot harder tbh bc those’ll go through

JAPAN JUST MADE ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING SAVES IVE EVER SEEN FUCK

that was a great first period frick

lmaoooo the graphics are so shady its talking about canada’s schedule and theres an asterix beside USA and its like (canada has won four straight games against USA in the olympics) i am in tears im laughing so hard im sorry

team canada cuddling on the ice during n giving each other support? i support this gay shit

I DIDNT KNOW CASSIE CAMPBELL WAS COMMENTATING I LOVE HER SHES A LEGEND

Osawa is such a good player

if japan is going to score theyre going to need to get in close because they dont have the power to score from the point

Kubo has a great shot shes the exception to the above comment

oh my god Kubo goft a penalty and she gave the biggest eyeroll you would have been proud

japan’s defense need to work on their skating technique like they’re shuffling awkwardly but if they could do c-cuts and lateral movemnts they’d be so much more dynamic

literally sweden is one of the top four women’s hockey superpowers and japan is toe to toe with them im really impressed

theyre playing tonight again i mean i dont mind i love bigbang but fam they have so many songs u can pick another one too

japan hAS HAVE SO MANY GOOD CHANCES theyre overdue for a goal

heyyyy THEY SCORED its 1-1

now theyre playing view by shinee im emo

an even better second period

sweden scored again frick 2-1 Sweden

okay so the refs are yelling at them in english but like....how many of them speak english thats the question

lmao sweden cant stay out of the box

hey now they playin excuse me by aoa

fujimoto is an amazing goalie

JAPAN IS PULLING THEIR GOALIE LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK HOW DARE THEY

chungha is playing but i cant even be happy because THEY PULLED THEIR GOALIE

sweden got a penalty but tbh i thought japan would she kicked at the girl

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i hate empty netssssssss

fucking japan is so lucky that puck missed the net

oh well sweden wins 2-1 anyone who pulls their goalie deserves to lose

[carraville]

 year in fic review (2017)

using the wonderful @neyvenger​ ‘s template! everyone should do this i wanna read <3

Year at a glance:  Total number of completed stories: 25 (26 if u count hockey) Total word count:  146929

Overall Thoughts:

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?  LOTS MORE it’s probly bc i wrote a hella lot while jumping from train to train traveling all of Europe, and probly bc i gave up on school by mid-sem last year, and probly bc the only thing i can do at work that looks like i’m still doing work when i’m not is write 

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? The fuCKING GERMS i blame it on germs like i 100% would never have thought i’d write 16k of thomasfips who does that also joemilly??? but i luff

What’s your own favorite story of the year? i dont have one i love and hate them all equally... i guess strangeways here we come just bc i took so damn long to write it and tbf i didn’t write a lot of carraville this year so it was kind of like my One and Only 

Did you take any writing risks this year?

writing a lot of people I didn’t know how to write, writing about a lot of Big Things (particularly on the bridge between starshine and clay) that i wasn’t sure about, writing a lot of aus i’d never done before, writing ??? PORN???? even tho ive never banged anyone in my life

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? all 12 months of football prompts! hopefully! and writing more new ships and meeting more people and reading good fic  also finally doing all my historical aus bc if there’s one thing i’ve learnt this year, it’s not to give a shit what other people want and just write what u want even if no one is going to read it xoxo

From my past year of writing, what was…

My best story of this year: from a writing perspective i think an die nachgeborenen just bc it was the most? complete, i guess? and plotty? like if i changed the names and pretended it wasn’t creepy i could probably send it for rejection 

My most popular story of this year:  strangeways, here we come i guess cos i published it around that time the r*dditors were sneaking around lmao

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:  the wonder of my world cos it’s niche and manc but!!!!!!! i love my mancs

Most fun story to write: fuckin.  30 Shades Of Red

Story with the single sexiest moment: The Anonymous Present That Appeared For Sab’s Birthday That Doesn’t Exist 

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: Again, The Anonymous Present that Doesn’t Exist 

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: I’m pretty set when it comes to characters, I guess, because I only like writing when I understand them, but maybe Aubade bc I’d never written Iker till then and I really liked how it turned out

Hardest story to write:  summer sang in me a little while bc it was a) wrestling with a Lot of Football feelings that I didn’t know how to talk about, b) wresting with trashbag xabi alonso and what I thought of him vs. what other people thought of him, c) writing ships and people I had 0 idea about

Biggest surprise:  i like germs! wtf

Highlights + Wrap-up:  ok I TRIED TO PICK DIFFERENT ONES FROM ALL FIC 

Favorite Opening Lines (3):

when the world was ours

There's a crunch. There's a crunch and it's over. 

the setting sun is sweetest last

When all the hands have been shaken and hugs exchanged someone presses a microphone into his hands and he fumbles, not quite sure how to put what he's feeling into words. Eventually he settles for something about looking towards the final on Saturday and he sees David from the corner of his eye shaking his head, almost as if to say: god, Gaz, how do you manage to make everything about United when this should be about you.

In the end, it's simple.

cheesed to meet you

Philipp calls Thomas first, because he always calls Thomas first.

"I didn't do it," Thomas says immediately, with the kind of well-practiced plausibility that only comes from doing the things he says he hasn't done.

Favorite Closing Lines (4):

yes, yes, we are magicians

You jog back to the halfway line. Your face must be shining under the lights, and you wonder if mum's in the crowd, smiling. Let's go to Wembley some day. Rooney rolls the ball to you and you're off again, no marcus's ball scribbled into the patchy leather, no divots and pot-holes in a sandy, well-worn pitch.

You're nineteen years old and going to the Euros.

Every blade of grass here is the exact same height.

in this story we belong to ourselves

Liverpool is. A river that runs before two men who used to have numbers on their backs and now have a house no longer empty. A stream of memories and breaking apart and going again. The Mersey, quiet, grey, flowing gently through the Narrows and out into the great big sea, ever so slightly out of reach.

Variation IX

He says I've missed you, mate.

I say You know, I thought you might.

He says I hope you missed me too.

I say Well of course, otherwise where would I go for Christmas this year?

And then he starts laughing and I start laughing and we laugh and laugh and don’t stop until he kisses me again.

yes, there will be song

You step back and turn, take the steps two at a time. Somewhere outside Anfield there's a man with a shirt that's as as red as the names on the back. He's got a scarf around his neck like a docker, and he presses his face to the Shankly gates like he's kissing a trophy. Make us dream, he whispers, a secret he's never told anyone else, his heart heavy and his eyes tired but his body trembling with a belief too full for words. Above him, the sky is golden.

Favorite Lines From Anywhere (5):

strangeways, here we come

It's weak against Paraguay, it's tired against Paraguay, but the England fans are singing and they have to listen. Countries are not clubs. This sinks deeper than loyalty, at once more insular and more ubiquitous than Liverpool or United could ever be. There are little flags hung up in Sainsbury's, strangers with their arms round each other in pubs, the radios of an electronics store tuned in to Radio 5 Live. Come on England. Bandied about like a mantra, a swear word, a secret password offered by old hands who brace themselves for more disappointment with a nudge and a wink. England always - a host of words go here, crash out , fuck up , lose , but -

Believe rises above them all. Maybe it's delusional. Maybe it's arrogant. Beckham takes a free kick that delights and astonishes the way his free kicks do and it ends up in the back of the net. Every four years St George goes back up and people who still remember '66 are bought a pint, and for every we'll go out at the group stages there's an underlying thread of god help me, we might win this yet, because what is hope if not alive?

Come on England. The cup awaits you and is yours.

sekrit yuletide fic

In his dreams he doesn't leave. Salvador Iglesias Sr. doesn't die and Chava doesn't become a dickhead. He keeps the number on his back and the band around his arm. He doesn't cheat on Ximena, but he tells her, and they part as best friends. In his dreams they win the championship. And again the next year, and again the one after that. Each time Potro scores the winning goal and Moi runs to him to celebrate and Potro kisses him for the whole world to see, over and over, until their lips are numb and all they know are themselves.

summer sang in me a little while

Why are you still here? you ask him. It is easier that way. He turns to you, dark circles under his eyes, and doesn't reply. Only reaches over to tangle his calloused fingers in your hair, rests his forehead against yours.  This time you are the one who leans forward to kiss him, immersing yourself in the warmth of his skin. You taste his blood. You taste the salt and iron of his blood.

the wonder of my world

What makes a club? Love, belief, hope - and someone to attach it to, the player everyone grows up watching, whose name is instantly recognisable to the point that you don't have to mention who he plays for next. Who pours his soul into the game and hammers his heart onto the crest. You don't get that kind of player very often. United were lucky to have three.

So here. The last musketeer. He's not looking at the crowd anymore, just the middle distance. Still the thousands sing. Love, belief, hope, and memories. Ryan might never run again but Paul realises that it doesn't matter. It's that he's already run. And in a hundred years from now someone might pull up a grainy youtube video and watch the number eleven on the left wing and fall in love, all over again. The way he was meant to be loved. Ball at his feet. Red.

an die nachgeborenen

"I don't need a plan," Thomas says, like he's talking to a child. "That's the beauty of it. All I have to do is wait and see what happens. It's only – " he smiles again, wan, quiet. "Well. You know."

The refrain arcs, jagged, through Philipp's head.

"I promised you wouldn't die."

"I won't." Thomas stands up, leaves a hand on Philipp's shoulder. His palm is still warm. "I'm invincible, didn't I tell you?"

And with a single, chipper whistling note, he hits the exit button and slips out, the door closing immediately behind him with a gentle click .

Fic Goals for 2018:

i wna write gifts that people will like :> aka MORE NICHE BULLSHIT