#can you tell i can't help my rambling tendencies

[sharararararara]

My Swan- Yandere Viktor Krum x reader

Warning: Obsessive behavior, kinda stalking? Krum is simp for the reader, the reader likes Krum but does not know about his yandere tendencies.

tell me if I missed something.

He first noticed you when he was putting his name in the goblet, you were sitting beside your friends, laughing and smiling together. You looked gorgeous, your smile, your hair, and the sound of your laughter was like music to his ears. Was this love at first sight? He thought, no...he needs to focus on the tournament, he can't be crushing on some girl whom he never interacted with.

As days went by, he couldn't help but think of you, sometimes he thought you bewitched him. He always stares at you from the corner of the room, waiting for you to talk to him.

After he fought with the Chinese Fireball, he got a few burn marks, but he did not really care about them, It was not really that serious. But that was when you came, carrying a basket of medicine, with a worried look on your face. You decided to help the players whenever they got injured, you were good in medicine and can heal people quickly.

You asked him if he was okay if you healed him, he nodded, surprised by your act of kindness. You gently applied petroleum jelly to his burn marks. While you were healing him, he stared at you with admiration in his eyes, that was the time when he realised that he liked you.

After that day he bumped into you again, you were in a library reading a book, he slowly walked to you, wanting to talk to you.

You felt someone sitting beside you, you looked only to see Viktor Krum, the guy you healed yesterday. You smiled and scoot over to give him space, Oh hey Viktor, how are your burn marks? You asked wondering if you did a good job healing him, Viktor said it was healing quickly and was not painful anymore. You smiled at what he said, What are you reading? He asked as he looked at the book you had on the table, You said it was about plants, you had a great interest in plants, you loved taking care of them, and feeling very happy when they grow. Viktor just listened to your rambling about plants. He loved your voice, it was so calming to hear.

The yule ball was coming, but you still did not have anyone to go with. You were sitting in the library, as usual, reading about plants when Viktor came. Oh hello Viktor! Do you need anything? you softly said since you were in a library, I just wanted to ask you something... Said Viktor as he sat beside you. Oh, OK then! What did you want to ask about? You asked as you smiled at him, I just want to ask...If you want to go to the Yule ball with me, Said Viktor hoping that you would say yes, Wait what? W-with me? I mean Viktor there are other girls you can choose from other than me- But I want you, you got caught off by Viktor, Oh well...Sure why not? Viktor smiled as he kissed your cheek, see you then, said Viktor as he walked away. You blushed covering your face and smiling, you got a date with Viktor Krum.

You were getting ready for the ball, you were excited, and nervous at the same time. You were putting on your dress while rambling to Hermione, What happens if he does not like my dress?! Or he does not like my hair?! Oh, Merlin's Beard what happens if he regretted asking me- Relax (your name)! He will not regret asking you! So hurry up and put your dress on because the ball is about to start!

You were in front of the entrance to the Yule Ball when you suddenly hid yourself, OH MY GOSH I CAN'T DO THIS! what do you mean? said Hermione, trying to pull you inside. I'm so nervous Hermione! Why are you nervous?! Krum asked you because he obviously likes you so stop acting like that and get in! But Hermione- You got dragged inside by Hermione when you spotted Viktor, you froze, you could not move, Hermione smirked at you as your face started to become red, You look beautiful (Your name), said Viktor, u-um ah... Thanks, Viktor...You look handsome, I mean uh- Viktor smiled as he extended his hand, you looked at Hermione, and she gave you the biggest smirk ever. You held Viktor's hand as he guides you too the doors that were about to open.

The doors opened, and people were staring at you, Did Viktor Krum really choose you as his date? Of all the girls, it was you who he chose? The girl who was obsessed with studying plants and medicine?

You felt insecure, I should have not came here... You mumbled to yourself thinking no one heard, but Krum did, he heard everything, he heard about the whispers people gave to you. He swears he will kill them when he has a chance, how could they say that to someone as sweet as you? Krum gently gave you a squeeze on your hand, making you look at him, Krum gave you a smile telling you to ignore what they were saying. You nodded smiling back at him.

Here you are, dancing with him,, He looked at you lovingly as you both swayed together, You looked like a swan, so graceful...

The music changed into rock music, everyone cheered and started to dance together. You laughed with Krum, dancing and spinning around.

I will get us drinks, stay here ok? Said Krum leaving to get drinks for the both of you guys, you smiled, you were blushing so much. So how was it? Said a smiling Hermione who approached you. It was amazing, He was so nice and sweet, you said to Hermione. Looks like someone is in love, said Hermione as she smirked at you. Shut up! You shouted as you giggled with Hermione.

A random guy asked you to dance with him, you denied apologising and said that your date was getting drinks for the both of you guys. But the guy kept on forcing you, he grabbed your hand, which hurt you because of his nails. Hermione started shouting at him to let you go, only to be ignored. You were shouting at the guy to let you go until someone pushed him to the ground. It was Krum, you saw the drinks he brought for you in the ground, pieces of glass and juice everywhere. Krum jumped on him trying to punch him, you grabbed his arm trying to get him off the guy. Viktor get off him, please! you shouted which alerted the teachers. The teachers grabbed him, pulling him off the guy who was scared for his life, Krum was still angry at him for touching and hurting you. The teachers pulled him away, pushing him away from the guy.

The night ended with a grumpy Krum and a worried reader, Krum why did you do that-

He touched you! He shouted, turning to you with anger. He touched you and hurt you! I know he did but still, you did not need to hurt him! Viktor grumbled as he sat on the ground. You sighed and sat beside him. But I do thank you for protecting me, You said softly, smiling at him and holding his hand.

Viktor looked at you and smiled, his angry mood slowly vanishing.

It was the day when Viktor had to go back to Durmstrang, You hugged him and kissed his cheek, I will miss you Viktor, you said as your forehead touched his, I will miss you too... Said Viktor as he hugged for one last time.

(your name), promise to write to me.

I promise I will write to you Viktor.

You waved at Viktor when the ship was sailing off, Viktor waved back, blowing you a goodbye kiss.

Hey (Your name)?

Yes Hermione? You looked at Hermione who was beside you.

Have you seen that guy who tried to dance with you in the yule ball? I did not see him in days.

Now that you mentioned it...No I have not seen him.

Maybe he is hiding in his dorm, because of how scared he got of Krum, Said Hermione as you both laughed at the silly joke she made. Not knowing what really happened to him.

Krum killed him.

[frvnkcastles]

Hello my lovely writer,

I love your work but wasn't brave enough to write you, until today =) even if I don't know if you're still accepting requests I give it a try, in hope that you like to write a story with your wonderful words. Currently I'm sick as a dog and in need of some care taking Frank...

Frank and her are dating for some time now, but she has problems with trusting him completely because of her last abusive relationship. So she didn't tell him that she is chronical ill and often suffers from pulmonary infections and tachycardia always when she feels under the weather or sick she tells him she is busy so they can't meet. When she's falling deathly sick with a very high fever she tells him to raincheck their date. Frank gets suspicious and tries not to think of her cheating with him. When he doesn't hear from her for days and she doesn't answer his texts and phone calls he's mad and he wants to confront her. What he doesn't know is that she's at home deathly sick and in need of help cause of her high fever. When she doesn't open her door he is raging thinking that she's in bed with another man, but what he finds shatters his heart not as he aspected. He finds her semi conscious on her bathroom floor....

Well some angst, drama, secrets of her past and a protective caretaking Frank nurses her back to health.

Hope that's something you like.

Love, kiss and hugs sends you a fan of your work

Sorry for my English, it's not my first language 🤍

SIRENS IN MY HEAD ➵ F. CASTLE

Summary: Feeling under the weather, you cancel your date with Frank, and when he doesn’t hear from you for a few days, he expects the worst — only to find an equally bad situation: you, unconscious on the bathroom floor.

Warnings: Chronic illness, mentions of an abusive ex, cursing, feminine nicknames

Word count: 2.2k

Author’s note: Omg anon it took me so long to finish this, I apologize!! I took some creative liberties with this one because personally I feel like Frank would assume something bad happened to you instead of cheating, but I hope you still like what I came up with :) I’m sending you lots of love and good vibes!!

In the past couple of months, you and Frank had discovered that you had a lot in common — you both liked dogs, you both tended to put others before yourselves, and you liked the same kind of music playing from his truck radio whenever he took you anywhere. But the most glaring similarity between the two of you lately was that neither of you remembered the first thing about dating. He had never even intended to get back into it, but then you had come and won his heart all to yourself, whereas you had been reserved and wary ever since you had broken up with your aggressive and controlling ex. His habit of putting you down with words as much as his hands had earned you a complete distrust of men — with Frank being, apparently, the exception.

Still, you didn’t completely open up to him. In fact, there was one major thing you had been holding out on, out of the fear that it would be too much for him to take — or worse, he would take advantage of that weakness somehow. So when you started to feel under the weather once more, your chronic tendencies acting up again, you made sure not to tell him why you were canceling your dinner date.

”Yeah, it’s just, I have to be at work all day and it doesn’t really seem like it’s gonna work out today”, you rambled into the phone, hoping Frank wouldn’t call you out on the bullshit excuse, only to be crushed a little more by his disappointed voice.

”Oh, okay, sweetheart. ’M sorry to hear that. Maybe tomorrow, then, huh?” Frank suggested, his gravelly voice full of dismay, and as a wave of nausea rushed over you, you squeezed your eyes shut and drew in a shaky breath.

”Actually, uh, I’m not sure I can make that work. I’m really sorry, but I’ll—I’ll let you know when I’m… more available”, you cleared your throat, embarrassment creeping up your spine and mixing in with the cold sweat breaking on your forehead. ”Again, I’m sorry. I have to go.”

With that, you hung up the phone and threw it next to you on the mattress before groaning and running your hands across your face. You hated this, but you couldn’t bring yourself to telling him the truth. Still, as your fever rose and your heartrate refused to calm down, you wished nothing more than to have Frank by your side, caressing your hair and holding your hand.

It wasn’t the first time you had done this, tried to fool him into thinking you were fine when in reality you were not, but this was the first time Frank was more than just a little bit suspicious. He would have liked to think that enough time had passed between the two of you for you to be honest with him, the same way he was learning to be honest with you — even about things he had always kept to himself.

Still, he let it go. For the first couple of days, anyway. Then all of a sudden, you weren’t answering texts, ranging from casual check-ins to more clear requests for any kind of sign, and when he called you, you didn’t pick up, either. You had gone completely radio silent for the fourth day now, whereas before you would get back to Frank within minutes. He missed checking his phone and seeing a notification from you, and like a goddamn schoolgirl, he missed texting you until ungodly hours in the AM until he’d pass out on his phone from sheer exhaustion.

And Frank, well, he always assumed the worst. The most horrendous scenario imaginable was already forming in his head, and he tried his damnedest to keep his cool, but fuck, if he wasn’t worried. He tried to get his mind off of you by cleaning his guns, but he soon realized it was just to prepare him against whoever had possibly taken you from your home, or maybe even the street. Surely something had happened for you to not even let him know you were okay.

”Goddamn it, sweetheart”, he muttered at his phone where his long list of unanswered text messages stared back at him. He tried to sit still in his silent apartment, but the longer he did, the worse he started to overthink. And before he knew it, he was out the door, headed for your building with his gun in the waistband of his jeans.

Tapping on the wheel, he impatiently swerved from one street to another. He had gotten far too attached to you — in fact, he hadn’t even realized just how deeply until right now, but he couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, not now, not ever. You had become so indescribably important to him, more than he’d even care to admit, but he couldn’t lie to himself. He was ready to go to war for you if that was what the night had in the cards for him.

He was at your front door in almost no time, his knuckles knocking on the door to give you the chance to answer. But when nothing happened, not even a squeak came from indoors, Frank tried the handle — to no avail. ”Fuck”, he cursed under his breath, knowing you’d hand his ass to him for what he was about to do, but he wasn’t going to let a mere door stand in his way.

And so, he shoved through the door with his shoulder, busting in unceremoniously and with a bang. At first glance, the apartment looked untouched, and in any other situation, he would have taken a moment to appreciate just how you it was, from photos to little plushies decorating the place. But now, he was focused on only one thing, and that was finding you. Even though the place seemed normal in every way, he withdrew his gun and kept it hoisted in the air just in case, the barrel leading the way as he searched the apartment room by room.

It was in the bathroom that Frank found what he was looking for, only to be slapped in the face by the horror that quickly washed over him at the sight — you, lying on the floor, sweat beading on your feverish face while you breathed heavily and unevenly.

”Shit”, he uttered out while putting his gun away and kneeling down beside you. ”Sweetheart? Hey, sweet girl, can you hear me? Hey, I need ya to wake up for me, okay?” Frank continued, his anger fading into worry as he lifted your head up and tried to gently shake you into consciousness. When you began moving on your own and your eyes parted open, he sighed in relief, but licked his lips in the realization that you were not in the clear yet.

”Hey, hey, take it easy. You with me, darlin’? Look at me”, he instructed with short and simple statements, his voice gentle but stern, and you found it in yourself to follow his guidance. You leaned into him and looked up at him, struggling to find your words with your dry throat and your dizzy head.

”Didn’t want you to see me like this”, you slurred, and knitting his eyebrows together, Frank tilted his head at you.

Nodding to promise he understood, he cleared his throat. ”Listen, I’mma take you to the hospital, aight? I’ll be with you the whole time, I promise”, he continued, and even though you didn’t have it in you to fight back, you nodded.

With ease, Frank picked you up from the floor, and as quickly but carefully as he could, he rushed downstairs to his truck where he made sure to protect your head and avoid any sudden movements while buckling you in. He maintained a balance between rushing and not risking your life any further, but needless to say, he was relieved no cops pulled him over as he sped through the streets to get to the emergency room.

He was working on autopilot, his instincts guiding him but his mind not quite catching up with what was happening. He was scared, but that part of him was shutting down completely and the diligent soldier in him took charge of the situation until you were lying in a hospital bed, still unconscious but stable according to the doctors.

He didn’t leave your side for one second, even when his eyes started to slip and his body yearned for coffee. The doctors told him he might have to wait all night, but he was willing to — he just wasn’t going to let you wake up all alone, confused and hurt.

It must have been near 4 AM when you finally came to, your groggy movements alerting Frank who was half-asleep in the chair he had dragged to your bedside. But as soon as you seemed to be waking up, he was eyes wide and his hand reaching for yours. You were too out of it to fight him off even if you had wanted to, but when your eyes adjusted to the new setting and you slowly realized where you were, you clung onto him desperately.

”Frank…”, you croaked out, eyes blinking rapidly as you lifted your head just a little bit, and shushing you softly, Frank caressed your cheek with his free hand.

”Hey there, pretty girl. I’m right here. You’re at the hospital, okay? I found you, uh, I found ya unconscious and I got you here”, he started, his rough voice a warm welcome as you got oriented — although as you did, you found yourself hoping you wouldn’t.

As soon as you remembered the couple of days you had had, shame, regret and guilt gushed into your system, poisoning you from within and encouraging you to bury your face in your hands. You groaned, but still blissfully unaware, Frank continued.

”I—I’m not really sure what happened and the doctors don’t wanna tell me anythin’…”, he trailed off, sounding and looking very much like a kicked puppy, and it made you feel so shitty. God, you really liked him, and now it felt like everything you had developed together was moments away from burning to ashes.

”I’m so sorry, Frank. I didn’t want you to get involved in this mess”, you breathed out, pursing your lips together awkwardly in an effort to not cry.

”Hey, you don’t gotta apologize. I… I wanna be involved in whatever you got goin’ on, y’know?” he shrugged before licking his lips and adding, ”and since I’m here now, maybe you could tell me what’s goin’ on?”

He made a damn good argument there. So, you decided to put on your big girl pants and rip off the band-aid.

”I suffer from these… spells, I guess. I deal with chronic illness and when I get sick, I get really sick. I’ve been struggling with it a lot this week, so I cancelled our date”, you explained with a grimace, but Frank didn’t seem shaken by it — worried, sure, but about to make your worst nightmares come true? Not by a long shot.

”Man, that’s… Shit, that sucks. No way ’round it. ’M sorry”, he sympathized, and you nodded quietly to accept his kindness. ”Maybe I’m just a big ole’ idiot but uh, you coulda just told me, yeah?” Frank wondered, and you couldn’t help but chuckle at his innocent attempt to understand. Granted, you weren’t making it easy for him.

”Yeah, that’s where my trust issues come in, I guess. Um, my ex was really… Well, the worst. I kinda learned to expect the worst from everyone, especially men, and I didn’t want to risk telling you because I didn’t know how you’d react. Even now I’m kind of worried about what this means for our future”, you admitted nervously, your fingers fiddling with the thin cover on top of you, and Frank immediately squeezed your hand to reassure you.

”I ain’t gonna do anythin’ you don’t want me to. I’ll try to learn about it and do whatever I can to help ya out, is that okay?” he questioned shyly, and with a quick nod, you smiled at him.

”It’s okay. I would like that. I just don’t want it to be an inconvenience or—or something that gives you too much control over me”, you explained, and tilting his head at you, Frank frowned.

”I don’t wanna control you, sweetheart. ’M sorry your ex was a piece of shit like that. But I promise ya, I ain’t gonna be the same. I’mma do this shit right”, he insisted, still squeezing your hand, and as his words hung in the air, you felt the anxiety slowly fade away. Maybe, this could work out.

”Thank you”, you whispered, and nodding to confirm it was the least he could do, Frank lifted your hand to his mouth and left a gentle kiss on the back of it.

”Next time… you can tell me and maybe I can come over and take care of you, yeah?” he offered, and when you broke into an approving smile, he flashed a grin at you. ”Good, good… ’Cause I gotta be honest, I really like you, girl. And I ain’t plannin’ on messin’ this up”, Frank pointed out, and with a giggle escaping your mouth, you gripped his hand a bit tighter.

”Don’t worry, you’re doing just fine so far.”

[seizingthesky]

REQUEST: Hajun/Fem!Reader who is inexperienced but wants to learn. FOR: @dogdays15

Thank you for requesting this!! It was so fun to work on. ALSO. Apologies for how long it took I really am so sorry. I hope it was worth the wait though!!!! @_@ Hajun our most beloved. This got really long MY BAD I like to ramble. Also I hope this isn't cringe I'm a lil rusty when it comes to smut

NSFW UNDER THE CUT.

As cruel as it might be, when you first confided your lack of sexual experience to Hajun, he had a big, stupid grin on his face. You could tell instantly that he was plotting something in that head of his.

When he saw how eager you were to learn, however...

He really can't help but tease you. Are you that eager to please him? How cute! He won't keep you waiting any longer, so don't pout so much.

Contrary to his sadistic and teasing nature, Hajun would be gentle and careful with you the first time you had sex. The last thing he wants to do is actually hurt you, whether physically or mentally, so he'll set aside his rougher tendencies for your sake.

The first thing he'd do is ask you to strip for him. It's no fun if he does all the work, right? Besides, you were the one who wanted to learn! Although, if you take too long, he might have to help you out a little bit.

Once you're unclothed and your body is fully exposed to him, Hajun is focused on your pleasure first and foremost. This isn't his first rodeo, but he doesn't mind taking his time with you. In a way, he's learning too; he's learning what turns you on and what makes you feel good. You're in good hands.

Hajun is good with his hands and knows what he's doing with them. He sits you between his legs and lets his hands explore your body, gently squeezing your breasts and tweaking your nipples just to hear the cute, soft gasps that leave your lips as he does.

If you're the type to get flustered or turned on easily, he'll absolutely make a cheeky comment about how wet you are for him already; he barely did anything! But it's cute, so he doesn't mind one bit.

You're eager to please him, he knows, but he wants you to feel good more than anything else, so next, he'll lay you down and spread your legs so he can get a taste of you. The way you're so sensitive and the moans and whines you're making only make him hungry for more.

Hajun is good at what he does, so it won't take long for you to be trembling under his touch while his tongue does the work.

He's half-tempted to overstimulate you just to hear you beg and cry for him, but he figures that's a bit too mean, so he'll avoid it... this time around. You won't be safe forever, you know.

Seeing you on your knees for him, looking up at him with such wide, eager eyes, drives Hajun crazy. How can you be so cute and innocent, even while doing such a lewd thing?

He tangles a hand in your hair after stroking it while you take him in your mouth. He's full of praise for you- you're so good for him, you're taking him so well. You're almost a natural; it's like you were made for him.

He might have teased you for coming undone so fast, but does he have any right to do so when the same thing happens to him? He just can't help it when you're looking at him like that and your mouth feels so good around him.

Next thing you know, you're back down on the bed with Hajun hovering over you, leaving kisses on your neck, and he slowly prepares you to take him. He won't do anything until you're absolutely ready, no matter how badly he aches to be inside of you.

When you give him the green light, he slowly sinks himself inside of you, a low, guttural groan leaving him as he does. He buries his head in the crook of your neck, perhaps leaving a mark or two (or three or four) as he does.

You cling onto him tightly, and Hajun can't help but wonder if he's a bit of a masochist when he feels your sharp nails dig into his shoulders and back.

He keeps his thrusts slow and steady while he mutters in your ear how good you feel and how perfect you are, how he's so happy he's your first.

By the time everything's said and done and the two of you are spent, drunk off of the lust and love you feel, Hajun doesn't think he could have a more perfect girlfriend than you.

You're tired afterwards, your eyes closed as you try to steady your breathing and racing heartbeat, but the kisses he presses to your face wake you back up.

Hajun teases you, saying that he took it easy on you this time, but now that he knows what you're capable of and how good you are for him, he might have a few tricks up his sleeve next time.

[danyayeni2]

♡✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡♡˚ How they fall in love with you

Characters: Romeo, Juliet, (G/N reader)

(REBLOGS APPRECIATED!) (Cred: @/sseuda)

Romeo Montague swore that the stars didn't look as beautiful as your eyes, as you rambled to him about poetry. "My teacher said my poem needed some work, but I don't understand! What could it need fixing? I thought I had done well!" "My love, I know you have done well! In fact, I can help you with poetry! I'll even-" "Woah, there, Romie! I don't want you to overwork yourself for me!" 𒂭 you knew that he has a tendency to overdo things when it comes to you, and considering his luck (and naivety), things were either going to be a stairway to heaven, or a highway to hell. But he didn't care! If you told him to carry the earth on his back, he wouldn't even ask twice.

𒂭 If you thought Romeo was loyal to you then, you'd be shocked at how loyal he is to you now. He'd obey anything you say, regardless of whatever his family, friends, or whatever Verona says. You weren't a rich person, like his family? Great! He'll spoil you! You're emotional and can't stand fighting! He's the same way! (twiiiiin, where have you been?) You weren't in a mafia? That's okay, he's not much of a fighter either! (Unless someone threatens you, then he'd lay his, and whoever threatened you, life on the line.) 𒂭 You didn't really know how this all happened, he just shared an English class with you, and he was so....happy? He always tuned in with the teacher, and he even helped you when you felt like an outsider in the class! He reminded you of a golden retriever, and he still does! 𒂭 His love language are words of affirmation. He's good at loving in other ways, don't get him wrong, but he's perfect at smooth talking, especially on nights where you two are goofing off. At this point, can you even tell if you two are friends, or if you're dating?

𒂭 And DON'T get me started on his family. Sampson and Gregory were always teasing him, or trying to give YOU hints. They always found it funny when Romeo would blush as you leaned into him, questioning if he had a fever. They love their little cousin, but they also love to see him suffer. 𒂭 Benvolio was actually pretty normal! He respected Romeo's crush on you, and always made you feel welcome! He'd drive you around Verona with Romeo and acted kind of like a bodyguard to both of you! He felt like an older brother to you, and he even told you about Romeo's plushie that he still sleeps with! (You found it endearing!) Of course, Romeo would be as red as a strawberry, while happily showing you his plushies!

𒂭 Mercutio was the WORST. God, he's the one gossiping ALL about Romeo to you. "Did I ever tell you about when Romeo screamed when he saw a spider-" "SHUT UP, MERCUTIO." Mercutio would go shopping with you and Romeo, and all he'd do is grin at Romeo, while Romeo would continuously avoid his gaze, and walk faster with you so Mercutio wouldn't gossip anymore about him to you.

𒂭 Romeo also "lowkey" loves the idea of marriage. He wants to spend his whole life with you, and what better way to do just that by buying you a custom ring with a bouquet of your favorite flowers, his hair slicked and styled, and a nice suit? Yep, definitely lowkey.

𒂭 Needless to say, he's head over heels for you, as if you couldn't tell, with how much he's given you.

(Cred: @/fairytopea)

Juliet Capulet giggled as she fangirled over a book with you. Her cousins were out doing something for her father, her mother was out with Nurse for something, and it was only you, her, and a few butlers and maids.

"Juli, the ending was already overdone! We've seen it in the last two other books!" "Yeah, but that's what makes it so beautiful! Even though it's been repeated, it doesn't lessen the message!" "And what would that message be, huh?" You asked her, while she laid her head on your lap. "I think it's.......it's.....", she looked into your eyes, with a smile, "Love." ₊˚⊹♡ Juliet loved spending time with you thoroughly, and THAT was saying something. She loves her family and her friends from that school her father was an alumnus in, but they all annoyed her! They're all some prissy rich kids who are mean, cruel, and feels self-entitled, but you're different than them. You were wearing a nice outfit, and Juliet quickly broke away from her family, while double checking to see if any could see her and complimented your clothes. Then, you two rambled about books. Then, aquariums. Then, seashells. And ever since then, it was history. ₊˚⊹♡ Her family started to see you more and more, and while they didn't trust you at first, they soon felt relieved that you were with her. Juliet needed someone her age to interact with instead of Nurse all of the time, and Nurse needed a break to relax. And as for Juliet, well, she felt relieved and less trapped. Someone her age, interacting with her??? Interested in the things SHE likes??? She would've never expected this!

₊˚⊹♡ She didn't really know the feeling of love, until she told Nurse, and she was quick to hide it. She knew her father had expectations to uphold, and even though she just wanted to spend her life with you, she knew that being with you was even more dangerous. If it wasn't the mafia, it was her father, or how the people in Verona would think of you being with her. Not to mention, the Montagues. If you're seen with her, they could attack you too. She hated not wanting to explicitly express herself, but she tried doing it other ways, specifically, quality time! ₊˚⊹♡ Juliet always made sure to call you, text you, and even invite you over to dinner! She always made sure you went to the Capulet parties, and that you danced with her! ₊˚⊹♡ She loves going to the library with you, and you still haven't noticed that she's buying more romance genre centered books! Well, she always had, but those were like fairytales compared to the books you'd read. This time, she wanted to recommend you some books, so you could admire her knowledge on your favorite genre! She loved hearing you ramble too! She just...well...wish she understood what you were talking about in most of them...

₊˚⊹♡ Speaking of libraries, she was close with the librarians, so they always gave her a free book on whatever your interest was! Sewing, got it. Music, tons of book on music theory. Art, the book might as well be a mini museum. ₊˚⊹♡ She didn't know exactly what made her fall in love with you, besides how nice you were, and how you'd listen to her rants about her life and her struggles, but she loved you thoroughly.

(cred: @/floriseu)

A/N: Since I've written for Tybalt and Mercutio, I've decided to branch off to other characters x reader, so why not start with our titular characters, Romeo and Juliet? Honestly, these were pretty quick, but I HAD to write for them. I've been planning on it anyways, so this was a fun little thing.

I hope you enjoyed it!

[lord-montgomery]

any new sizzy thoughts or rambles

so one of my mutuals is reading tmi for the first time, right. they're on cog and just sent a message today, joking fondly about 'isabelle's need to tell everyone she meets that she's kissed simon' whichhh of course sent me on a bit of a sizzy spiral.

now, i can think of two times when izzy somewhat offhandedly mentions to a group that her and simon have kissed--once in the seelie court in coa, and again at the penhallow's house in cog. and idk i just think it's interesting the way she does this, slips it into the conversations, treating it like it's no big deal despite the fact that her bringing it up shows that clearly it was meaningful enough for her to still be thinking about it.

on the one hand, you could say it's just because she likes simon and enjoyed kissing him and can't help the reminders, or you could say it's her territorial tendencies peaking through early (in the case of the mention in cog), but i don't think either of these are quite the case.

we know isabelle is very public when it comes to her promiscuity, with her dating history filled with guys her parents wouldn't approve of, but the thing she keeps bringing up about simon was quite literally only a kiss. one kiss. hardly noteworthy in the grand scheme of things. what it was, though, was private.

as far as we know, izzy's outburst in the seelie court is the first time anyone outside of her or simon learned about the kiss they'd shared. it wouldn't have made sense for simon to mention it to clary when he was (a) actively trying to be with her or (b) dating her. and i think it must have become this sort of.. accidental secret. and it wasn't worth talking about on izzy's side because nothing came of it. but the longer no one talked about it, the more it must have itched.. because what isabelle is used to keeping private and guarded is her heart, not her romantic entanglements. they are two different spheres for her. if the secret grew any more, she might have problems and start accidentally conflating whatever she felt about simon and that kiss with actual feelings, which yeah absolutely not no thank you.. so she takes the chance in the seelie court to make the kiss public knowledge.

when she mentions the kiss in cog, though, it's like stupid random. there's no reason for it in the conversation, nor should there be any internal need for her to put the information out there like there might have been before her comment in the seelie court. BUT. the context we do have is that jace has just called simon unique. hello alarms in izzy's head. unique unique no simon's not unique. in fact he's so not unique that i kissed him, just like i kiss everybody.. *proceeds to blurt out that she kissed him once* all of this, of course, presenting itself because simon is unique, and not just because he's a daylighter. and at least some part of isabelle knows that, which is why she would feel the need to put up immediate defenses, to obviate the distance she's holding him at by keeping him in the more physical romantic entanglements sphere.

[anarcho-catboyism]

// long ramble TLDR just me discussing how I found my politics at the beginning

When I was a baby leftist the final push for me into anarchism wasn't when I learned what anarchy actually was, it was 1 event leading to a culmination of recognizing one of the biggest problems in social and economic systems was people having power over each other.

When I first got into leftism there was nothing on Anarchism when I tried to lookup "beginner leftist books". It was The Communist Manifesto, State and Revolution, The ABCs of Socialism, etc. Nothing about Anarchism though.

I tried to connect to Communism through reading and content creators but it couldn't stick for me. Not to say I'm not a communist now but my communism is different, and more inherent to my Anarchism. A lot of communist creators I watched talk were very intelligent on the system and helped me realize some positives, but they never could talk about the negatives of past communist ideologies.

When people addressed genuinely negative things that communist regimes did, like their treatment of disabled people or the genocide campaigns, they responded with facts about literacy rates going up. Obviously something like literacy rates going up IS a positive that should be addressed, but they could never just say "Yeah that was fucked up, we don't condone that bullshit, here's how we are going to stop that from happening". (Hell a ton of communists idolize and have pfps of some of the dudes that did horrible shit).

Even if I disagree I'll respect a communist who will say "These regimes did xyz fucked up shit, We can do better and learn from this fucked up shit tho", and I have met some that do that, but I couldn't click into the communism being fed to me because it once again felt like blind worship and just redoing the past rather than striving for something that would fit our modern society.

Ironically the first time I thought "Power corrupts people always" was when I found out TST founders were gross and Fascistic. I was getting into Satanism and was excited by the idea of TST fighting for religious freedoms within the system (lib moment), and how they were gay friendly and had posts about respecting lgbt ppl unlike COS who just said summarized "who cares what you feel about them as long as no one tells you you can't do that :)".

But when I found out about Queer Satanic and actually dove into the history of TST it was kinda this Camel Straw moment. I was angry I had supported a shitty organization and I was angry that something that could be good was controlled by shitty people who could just do fuck all bc they had power. It made me realize that as long as there was a person in power over others that there would be problems. It made me think of my childhood and how when parents have complete authority over their children it causes harm more often than not just by the nature of Exploitation that comes with holding power.

I didn't know what Anarchism was yet or that it was a real leftist ideology, I just thought it meant Chaos and Warmonger, but I took the steps into it without knowing just from the realization I had.

When I did find out about Anarchism it clicked for me. A style of communism and workers unions that won't hold power over individuals. And then I just began to learn more and it makes sense for me. It doesn't matter how many times other people told me it was unrealistic, my brain can conceive Anarchism better than systems that call for few people to hold power over entire populations.

Too be fair, I've always had anarchistic tendencies growing up, but once I found it the pieces just fell into place.

* This isn't for debating if you come into my comments with some USSR bullshit I'll just tell you to walk somewhere dangerous and block you *

[izzysillyhandsy]

Ed and Izzy: Cleaning up the mess

As of the end of Ep7, Ed has left Stede and his whole life behind because "he doesn't even know who he is". And I'd like to suggest in this rambling essay that Ed's journey to self-knowledge and self-love can't properly begin before he's come to terms with what happened with Izzy.

Although Ed has steadily been trying to make amends, at the start of Ep6 he's still feeling unsettled and guilty as hell about the terrible things he did (was capable of!): killing his dad, condemning his whole crew to certain death, Izzy's toe, shooting Izzy, being "killed" by Jim and the crew with Izzy looking on...

There's a surprising amount of Izzy in Ed's flashback (I was honestly surprised the toe cutting made it in - somehow the whole discussion around "Izzy deserving it" made me think Ed thought so as well? But of course he doesn't think that. Izzy does.)

And while Ed's central conflict is his underlying self-hatred and self-doubt, there still is a daily reminder of all of his worst tendencies and (still very recent) acts right under his nose.

I think I got all the poison out of my system...

...or not. The indestructible fucker's still here.

Izzy is Ed’s walking and talking guilt room and no amount of deflecting, story-telling or sugarcoating can turn that poison into positivity.

Stede, I love you for your sometimes naive, sweet outlook on life (and Ed does too), but Ed and Izzy, that’s years and years of love and devotion, resentment and hate, building each other up and tearing each other down. They’ve just come out of the absolute worst breakup in history, with so many things unsaid and unknown they’d need the whole of S3 to talk it through.

Stede applying his motivational poster line to Izzy of all people is a little bit tone deaf, especially because it happens right while Izzy’s singing a bittersweet love song about/to Ed.

Which he continues, in French, while Ed and Stede are having sex for the first time so that's definitely not helping. I wonder how good Ed's French is, but it is honestly almost comical to imagine Ed cheating on Iz making love to his new boyfriend while his ex is singing his heart out about „It's only him for me, and me for him, for life - he told me, he swore to me, for life“.

So Izzy's still here. Izzy is still visibly hurting, physically (your fault!!) and mentally (your fault as well in so many ways). And you're already over it and having fun with your new boyfriend? Of course not.

Whatever they were/are to each other specifically, Ed and Izzy were as good as married. They spent almost every day together for decades. Izzy let himself be maimed and hurt over and over again out of love and loyalty. And Ed feels very, very guilty about it. Even if this guilt is not the first thing constantly on Ed's mind, it's certainly there in the background, simmering.

On the other hand, Izzy is the one who kept Ed stationary - they had a good, secure (for pirates anyway) life together, why risk change? I don't think Izzy had noticed (or wanted to notice) how bad it'd gotten for Ed for a long time. So there's also a lot of resentment there from Ed's side, all tied up with Izzy.

It's a very complicated mess and I think that all this is at least part of the reason for Ed's confusion and need to... just go.

But that's not all, by far.

History repeating itself...

...maybe this seems a bit familiar?

We don't know a lot of Ed&Izzy's backstory (apart from: it's a long one!), but I think it's (almost) canon that it is Izzy's job to make sure Ed is content and safe and, most importantly, to kill for Ed.

And even though their relationship (whatever it was) probably didn't start out as tender and sweet as Ed/Stede, I think they started out much more carefree and happy, possibly excited and adventurous. Until their lifestyle took a toll on both of them - Izzy as Ed's killer and constant protector and Ed as Blackbeard, who Ed started to resent more and more. In the end, all that was left were two broken people in a codependent relationship.

Now it seems like gentle, sweet Stede is slowly turning into Izzy 2.0 - swearing (as far as I remember, Stede almost never said fuck in S1), becoming a "real pirate", and worst of all, killing for Ed even though Ed almost begged him not to (seems familiar?).

Plus, this is happening when Ed, still freshly traumatized from his stint as pirate extreme wants nothing to do with violence in general and piracy specifically. Least of all he wants Stede damaged (or izzyfied).

Stede seemed like a way out of pirating, a chance for a loving, fulfilling relationship. Maybe even a way out of his relationship with Izzy, who I think Ed (subconsciously?) blames for the destructive path his life had taken.

Now he isn't so sure anymore if Stede actually wants this.

Talk it through...

...eventually, maybe. Hopefully.

Of course, not every obstacle Ed has to face, every step on the road to self-love and happiness is about Izzy. Vice versa, Izzy is much more than his relationship with Ed, and he has his own problems independent from him.

But this "marriage" with Izzy was Ed’s longest and most important relationship, and also the last relationship before Stede. The way their relationship became restrictive, damaging and unescapable in the end was both their faults. It'd be quite natural if Ed was a bit cautious with that kind of history. Am I a person who always ends up like this? How did we fuck up this badly? Is there a way out?

Most importantly though, a lot of Ed’s guilt and self-doubt is wrapped up in Izzy - if you're capable of doing that (and that, and that) to the person you love - what else are you capable of?

In conclusion, Ed and Izzy need real closure, one way or the other. Before that happens, Ed won't be happy on any way he chooses, and certainly not in his relationship with Stede.

At the moment, they're not talking, really. It's incredibly sweet though, the way they make these little concessions towards the other (Izzy doing much more than Ed, as per usual). They're almost shy, asking for advice, giving reassurance and understanding, and sharing bottles, smiles and looks.

Will they get a long heart-to-heart in the finale? Of course not, there's not enough time. I think we might get a symbolic moment though.

Ed already knows Izzy loves him. Izzy really doesn't know (on top of everything else, poor kid). The only thing he got from Ed was the "Sorry 'bout your leg", even the latch got a bit more.

Izzy needs to hear that too. "It's not your fault you're broken. You didn't break you. Just trying to do your job, weren't you?"

(btw, I love that Ed is softly blowing onto the latch here, while Izzy is doing the same to his little shark <3)

It's also possible Izzy will get his "I loved you, best I could" in person. Hopefully not exactly in those words. But, for both of them, this will be a start to open proper communication (which might happen offscreen between seasons).

And when we get S3, Ed will be (more) prepared to embark on his journey to happiness, with or without Izzy by his side.

[thenightfolknetwork]

I didn't mean to. It was an accident. I swear I didn't know. I just...

The town I'm from is secluded, very secluded. Still using landlines and slow and spotty internet secluded. It's one of those towns hidden away by mountains and trees that take days to get in and out of. My point is that news is slow to get in, and about half is debated as rumor and "conspiracies against the common people."

I hope im saying this right. As i said, resources are limited, so please forgive any offense. The "People of the Night" are still thought to be myth here. If there are any um "Nightfolk" here, they haven't made themselves known. Not that I'd blame them, but it would have made this a lot easier, maybe prevented it even. I'm sorry I'm rambling, I'm still a bit shaken.

I thought I was just approachable. When someone's lost or needed help, they'd always find their way to me. No trouble at all, I enjoyed it. But it happened so often, My friends used to say that I "just had one of those faces."

It felt good to be needed. I'd ask how someone was. They'd vent to me what was going on, and I listened. If I could and they wanted it, I'd offer advice, but most just wanted to be heard.

But, a couple of weeks ago, I was walking with my best friend. We were just catching up, nothing serious. It was meant to be a joke, a reference to my tendency of "being one of those faces." I asked her if she had any dark secrets she wanted to share.

She did.

You'd thought I'd told her to do it at knifepoint. Her story came pouring out like an overpowered hose. When she finished, the look she gave me. I can't unsee it.

When it was over, i tried to thank her for trusting me with such sensitive information, but she told me to save it. I don't know how, but we both knew it was my fault.

She told my friend group what happened and now no one wants to speak to me. I tried to explain myself, but they refused to listen or trust what I had to say. Out of frustration, I asked one person why they were avoiding me, and they responded, "Because I always knew you were weird."

There was no denying that I... forced them to tell me that in some way, but it wasn't on purpose! But I must have proved something because now I can't leave my house because everyone is LOOKING at me.

I've been using a paper and pencil to get by as well as trying to learn BSL because im afraid to speak again. How many of those talks that I had were unvoluntary? How many people were forced to be honest and just pretended to be civil because they were scared of me?

I don't know if this is new or something that I'd always done. I'm alone here. The only reason I know as much as I do about the Creature Community is because I accidentally stumbled across your show on my radio.

I dont know who i am anymore. I miss singing and talking to people, but I'm terrified that I'll compel someone by accident. How do I get better? Where do I go from here?

Oh, reader. This must be a very frightening, upsetting time for you. I'm so glad you felt able to reach out to us here at the Nightfolk Network for support.

First of all, I hope you are able to see the difference between taking responsibility for your past actions, and making a martyr of yourself. You have been unthinkingly, unknowingly hurting people, and you do need to recognise that before you can try to make amends. But the harm you caused was entirely accidental. Please, be gentle with yourself.

In terms of practical steps forwards, I can reassure you: you are not alone in your powers, or in finding them difficult to control. Often powers of this kind make themselves known early in an individuals life, and you can imagine how difficult it can be to control the spoken wishes of a babbling toddler.

Nevertheless, many people in your situation go on to live perfectly ordinary lives with good control over their powers. And you have the advantage over a toddler, in that you are not only fully cognisant of the detrimental effects of such powers but also already able to find alternative ways to communicate.

Your first step is to contact your GP and arrange an appointment to discuss the matter. Write them a letter explaining the situation, and emphasising your need to conduct the appointment without speech. In a small, rural community like yours, it's very likely your GP will have little to no personal experience of such cases. But they will be able to refer you to an NHS specialist with whom you can explore possible treatment options.

In most cases, those options will be either medication, behavioural therapy, or more usually a combination of the two. I understand that there is a great deal of stigma around thauma-damping medication. Please, resist this pattern of thought.

Medication is nothing more or less than a tool we might use to help us live our lives. Taking medication does not indicate a lack of effort or will on your part in controlling your powers. It just makes a very difficult thing slightly easier.

However, NHS waiting lists for this type of treatment can be lengthy. In the meantime, I strongly recommend you reach out as best you can to your community. Writing a letter, text or email to your best friend would be a good start, explaining the situation as best you can and leaving the door open for her to rekindle the relationship if she feels able.

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to forcibly mend the relationship. You can only present yourself honestly and hope that, in time, you are able to find your way back to something like the friendship you shared before this.

In the meantime, try to connect with other people in the community if you can. The Internet can be a wonderful place to connect with others, and your local library may have information about support groups in the wider area.

Above all, reader, take heart. There is plenty to be hopeful about here. You are not doomed to a life of fearful silence, or of isolation and solitude. With a little work, and plenty of support from the people around you, I see no reason why you shouldn't enjoy a long and happy life full of genuine connection with the people around you.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[the-ellia-west]

Hello! Just came to drop by and ask about your current WIP, TCOT! I've seen your prompts for it and I want to properly know more about it. Sorry if it has been explained in your masterlists but I can't seem to find a solid explanation and decided to go here instead.

So! What is the story about? Who are the main characters? And what do they look like? And anything else you want to share about it?

Thank you so much for the Ask @justalittlebuddy

And I didn't really ever make a thorough explanation of it. Just a small synopsis, which only explains like the first 7 chapters?

So Here, a massively long ramble about TCOT, what it is, the conflicts, the characters, and everything.

Alllllrighty!

Here we go!

Explanation of the plot and general premise

TCOT is meant to be/ I'm hoping to make is an about 8 book Series of low fantasy setting with high action, high stakes, romance subplots, and way too much drama.

It's meant to be a basic War-centered fantasy story with good vs Evil with tons of interesting side plots and characters that make it its own interesting and unique project.

Main plot has never been a strength of mine, so I stole one from stereotypical children's media and twisted it into my own thing, adding way too many branches until I turned it into a tree.

The Story is meant to be a pitchfork shaped plot with An underline of the war plot while exploring the psychology and character arcs of all my lovelies in depth.

Now I probably accidentally re-explained that like 4 times as I tend to do, but whatever, Its general structure goes with the heroes down on their luck finding more ways to fight back against the Villains until something works. Other than that I can't explain without spoiling like the 17 consecutive character arcs that interweave to make the story what it is.

All I can say, is Kasi's shift from a seamstress to a warrior, Xhaazi's mental shift from a Jokester to a fighter, Chrin's shift from a nervous seer boy into a powerful influence, Sokuna's shift from a defender to a leader, and all the villain's arcs, that I can't say anything about unless Major spoilers. :]

The Characters

TCOT's main focus is on its characters and their arcs as already stated, There's multiple species, trauma, murder, magic, and morals thrown all about like party confetti in this series.

I can't say a lot about their arcs, but each and every one of them goes through some transformation into something completely different from what they were at the beginning, and This list of characters has an incredibly important arc which weaves together to create the big main plot:

Kasi, Xhaazi, Chrin, Sokuna, Marril, Shyre, Viasaki, Kila, and Geon

I will give you a parapgraph about each because I'm feeling talkative

Kasi

Kasi is a young Outlander who lives outside the walls of Feyrama's Capital City of Terefin with her father Julan and her twin brother Xhaazi. The twins never knew their mother and Julan doesn't like to talk about her. Kasi is a hothead with strong emotions and a tendency to throw-things-first-ask-questions-later. She's fiery and passionate, but she also has extreme emotions in the opposite directions, as in she gets overly excited sometimes, breaks down crying at minor inconveniences, or has panic attacks. But she's gotten good at controlling herself and seeks solace in her loved ones and her job.

Xhaazi

Xhaazi is Kasi's twin brother and a jokester, younger by an hour, and very easily excitable. Just like his sister, Xhaazi has a tendency to feel emotions very strongly, but he doesn't let life phase him and tells jokes to cheer up his friends and family as he loves seeing others smile. Their approval is everything he wants and more. He's upbeat and excitable, enjoying silence as well as loud places. He loves spending time with others and will help wherever he can in any way he can.

Chrin

Chrin is a very powerful young seer boy, who is related to secondary nobles through distant family. But no matter what happens, Chrin is all sunshine and smiles, seeing the silver lining on every cloud and keeping a level head in even the worst scenario, a stark and well-needed contrast to the twin's extreme reactions. He cares for everyone and just wants his efforts and love to be appreciated, as well as to help create a better future for himself and everyone he loves.

Sokuna

Sokuna is an adult shade who ran away from the other shades to protect her daughter from the ruthless training and bloodshed that comes with being a soldier raised from birth. She does everything she can to make a happy life for herself and her daughter in a world that hates them, trying to see the sun between all the rain.

Shyre

Shyre is a young noblewoman and Heir to the third most notable family in Feyrama, the family in charge of negotiations and Trade. She is kind-hearted and well-meaning, though a little naive to the true problems and violence of the world. Shyre can be categorized as a chronic optimist with a lot of passion and not a lot of street smarts.

Now... onto the villains...

Geon

Geon is Less of a villain than he is... actually I don't know what he is. Geon is a Prince who is the bastard child of the Roselite king and an Ahelite Sorceress (Ahelites are an Elven servant race) Born blind, he was shunned as inferior in every possible way by everyone except the only legitimate son of the King and Queen, his older brother Damian. Goen is kind, compasssionate and soft spoken, with a tendency to go against orders and isolate himself because no one in the palace besides his mother, Damian, and his assigned Aid Trissa, care about him. Well at least he's like this until... Shit happens.

Marril

Marril is a paid Assassin. He is also a Hitman. But mostly Assassin. He was cursed at a young age to serve the Shades and their king, and has been trying to scramble free of its torture for years. Guilt-stricken and angry, he is rude, callous, and generally a menace to people he doesn't like, he uses sarcasm and violence as coping mechanisms. He is formal, but a very generally angry person with a lot of trauma who just kinds of needs some help and a cup of coffee.

Viasaki

Viasaki is the First Lieutenant under Tias and The Vessel, controlling a battalion of soldiers. He is a strategic genius who uses most of his time to care for misfits and lost soldiers. But despite his empathy, he will usually follow orders without question. He wavers between his own thoughts, and listening to the voices in his head, while sometimes being controlled by The Vessel. The only thing truly keeping him anchored to reality is his utter hatred of Kila and Tias.

Kila

Kila is Tias' Warrior, also known as the second in command or most trusted of someone with high rank, you only get one, if one of your soldiers volunteers and proves themselves worthy in skill. Kila is worthy and works to stay worthy no matter what. Worthy of status, worthy of love, worthy of a home, worthy of not being thrown out of the mountain at any second, worthy of not being hit for doing a bad job. Kila is a raging perfectionist who sees the world as the strong and the weak. She is a chronic people pleaser and hothead who like to do things her way even though she tries her best to be the perfect servant.

(The only reason she doesn't try to please Viasaki is because she sees him as weak)

Anyway, those are my lovely babies, time for

Conflict

All of the Conflicts from TCOT come from the characters and circumstances

But the main ones are these:

The Main Trio really Fuckin' hates Marril

Viasaki and Kila CANNOT FUCKING GET ALONG

and

Y'know, war

Each book will be structured around a specific character, and developing their arcs, some will get multiple, it's just generally the arc that gets the most progress, and the character that has the most POV time.

Book 1 is basically an intro and set up for everything, but I love it, and I can't wait until we get into the real meat of this shit.

Anywayyyyyy, Book 2 is slated to be a Kasi book, #3 is planned to be a Viasaki one, and I'd have to find my google doc for the rest.

Anyway, thank you again for the ask and this chance to ramble! This is the premise and characters of TCOT! I hope you enjoyed and You'd want to read it!

(Also, if anyone wants to draw these little losers or look at Physical descriptions of them, I am trying my best I swear to make those.)

[gottagetshiver]

Hi Shiver! I wanted to tell you I read The Flame a couple of days ago.

It feels like such a deeply personal story that I feel like almost anything I say about it will be incredibly disrespectful and certainly not do it the justice it deserves, so I apologize for that in advance and uhm I’ll keep it short.

I read it with my cat laying on my stomach and there were moments I had to stop reading for a few minutes and just pet her to try to control my emotions because it was devastating. Your words are so beautiful and a little terrifying and a little relatable but also a lot hopeful.

The way you described ‘the shadow’ and how she operates makes so much sense in my mind and it actually helped me get a little more clarity on a few feelings of my own.

By the time I reached the end I put my phone down and just laid there for a while, staring at the ceiling contemplating life. I actually kind of get a little emotional again thinking back on it and writing this haha!

I don’t know, I suppose I just wanted to thank you for using your talent to create such beautiful impactful art and allowing us to share that with you. Thank you!

Oh wow Ali, I've been staring at this for like an hour trying to wrangle my thoughts into something that's at least sorta coherent. I'm not totally sure it will be, but I'll do my best and I apologize in advance if it gets rambly.

It was indeed a deeply personal story, nearly everything in it was pulled directly from my own life almost verbatim. That said, it has become more and more clear to me in recent years that my experiences are anything but isolated, and that's a big part of why I opted to post it after initially choosing not to. I know how much good (even if it hurts) can come from reading other people's thoughts and views of shared or parallel experiences and decided that if even one person feels a little understood or hopeful after reading it, then the scary vulnerability of posting something so personal is worth it.

I'm happy to hear the Shadow metaphor resonated with you, I have a tendency with my particular cluster of mental illnesses to have things like that form externally (in more ways than one lol), and I wasn't sure if that would make sense or be relatable to others. Glad to know it worked!

And it's funny isn't it, how reading stories, whether pulled from reality or not, can teach you so much about yourself? And unlock new or otherwise unrealised thought processes that you may have not found if you hadn't read that particular story? That's one of the things that's always drawn me to write ever since I've been a little kid; the idea that words can change someone's life for the better. Or could even change the world! There's so much power in the art of storytelling and to me, it's one of the keystones of the human experience. As long as people have been people, we have told stories and those stories have shaped the world around us and how we exist within it, and I just think that's beautiful. It's also one of the few things that can't be taken away from us when the rest of the world goes to ruin, and I think there's a vastly different, but possibly even greater power in that.

I'm glad you had your cat there for emotional support, I know my dog has soothed many tears from me when I read something that punches me square in the sternum and leaves me reeling. Give your cat a pat (or whatever kind of affection she prefers) for me, will you?

Thank you for reading my work and sending such a thoughtful ask after, you have no idea how much knowing that my stories touch the lives of others means to me :')

[kafus]

i have also been answering questions on retrospring for my twitter audience so here's a few of those condensed into a post since they have likodot thoughts :]

Q: What happends on Liko and Dot's first date?

A: the topic of a first date is a little funny in regards to likodot because like… these girls technically already live together and are traveling together now too, so going out of their way to hang out together isn’t as huge of a jump as it would be otherwise. honestly i can really imagine them just setting aside time to hang out alone in dot’s room and be romantic about it - video games & movies sleepover kind of thing. they’re on the younger side so i don’t think they’re planning anything fancy plus that’s a very accessible way to have a first date considering, again, that they live together… also dot’s tendency for reclusion lol. in the future though i can imagine them planning actual outings - i like to imagine liko dragging dot to restaurant dates because it’s a doubly whammy of a date and also helping dot explore her limited tastes in food more lol. sorry for the ramble-y answer i think about this a lot xoxo

Q: What do you think about jealous Dot? And do you everr think about how it would go for both Liko and Dot IF it comes it an episode or something??

A: if you can't tell from my recent tweets i think the concept of jealous dot is fitting and also goes hard. like it's really effective drama material but also like… to be honest if i was a social recluse with poor social skills as a preteen/young teen and then someone was as kind to me as liko is to dot for the first time i would also be clingy and possessive. and this actually isn't an "if", i have personal experience with this sort of situation lmfao. so like i get it.

as for them exploring this sort of thing in the anime, i obviously don't expect a romance jealousy subplot, that's pure fanon babey. but considering dot's noticeable off behavior in recent HZ054 around ann, i would not be Surprised if they actually are setting up to do something with that? like, of the more normal variety lol. dot still struggling to socialize with people outside her circle and exploring more of overcoming her social anxiety, or if you wanted to stretch it, i don't think it'd be surprising if they decide to take it in the direction of dot feeling insecure around ann because ann is so naturally outgoing and was able to connect with liko instantly in a way that dot couldn't - but like in a friendship way, and liko having to assure her that she isn't a lesser friend and find a way for her friends to act comfortably around each other. that doesn't stop me from making into a romance jealousy subplot in my head though LMAO

Q: What if Dot never confessed to Liko that she's Nidothing/Gurumin? Like it's so nice to imagine and i wanna know your thoughts abt it :3

A: this might be an unpopular opinion IDK but i actually wouldn't have liked this very much. i think by the time liko saw dot's face IRL, the bit had run its course and it would have gotten annoying pretty fast. it was funny and cute while it lasted but likodot is meaningful to me for how these two care for one another and complete one another as people and i don't think their dynamic would feel nearly as sincere if dot was still hiding something that massive from liko… and like for what, at that point? dot never even really WANTED to hide being gurumin from liko, it was a massive misunderstanding that she just didn't have the courage or social skills to clear up, but by the time dot stepped outside her room to literally save liko's life and saw her face to face there was really no reason not to tell her the truth. i also think liko coming to terms with dot being gurumin in all of her silly embarrassed awkwardness and knowingly supporting dot in being gurumin is incredibly sweet and we would have missed out on that too had dot not told her. (alternatively, there is also a world where dot never told her and liko found out by herself but that would take away dot's agency and really trample over her character arc. i think it's important that dot was the one to say it and liko didn't have to go searching for that answer any more than she already did)

all that being said if you really want to put me in the shoes of an alternate universe where liko never found out, i WILL concede that the possibility of liko continuing to be a fan and dot getting flustered about all the attention liko gives her on streams and then seeing her IRL and KNOWING all that gay shit liko's been saying online despite liko not knowing they're the same would be cute/funny. just not cute/funny enough to warrant it over the reality we live in which i find much more cute, funny, and sincere and meaningful

[airs-headspace]

Thinking more about DAbiTou kids... esp in a 2nd gen story or snippets or whatever I feel like doing for their kids!

This'll be long so I will put all my rambling under a cut haha

I know that Abiteth/Dabi have the easiest time with Tsuki, and Oniya, their most easy-going kids. Isei, they would have a tendency to favor without really realizing it, due to her situation (and being adopted; Abiteth/Dabi never wanted Isei to feel like an outsider of the family). Thankfully their favoring of her lessens when she's a teenager and brings it up to them herself!

Dabi has a very difficult time with Nikkou because of how similar they are quirk wise - like Nikkou has the wrong body/wrong quirk issue that Dabi has, and for a period of time Dabi does treat Nikkou like Enji treated him (but more aggressive/hostile in the way of "I said you can't be a hero" "why?" "BECAUSE I SAID SO AND I'M YOUR DAD SO YOU LISTEN TO ME BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU", that kind of aggressive/hostile). He and Nikkou are able to smooth things out once Dabi learns that Nikkou starts hiding the frostbite and other injuries caused to Nikkou by Nikkou's quirk, and Dabi has that epiphany moment of "oh god I'm sending him down the path my dad sent ME down". So they are able to rectify it (with Abiteth's help).

Abiteth has a very difficult time with Kanara because they're both very headstrong and therefore butt heads a lot more often. Kanara also doesn't respect Abiteth the way she respects Dabi (total daddy's girl - Oniya, by comparison is a mama's boy haha). Kanara gets chided by Abiteth a lot because she is frequently getting into fights at school (this being Shiketsu, none of the DAbiTou kids go to UA), she's always coming home with bruises and scuffs, and Kanara thinks Abiteth should praise her (like Dabi does) because she won though!! "You should see the other kid" behavior! She and Kanara don't get things sorted out until two things happen: 1) being that Kanara tells Abiteth to shut up when Dabi is home and he hears her and he comes down the stairs like a raging bull and this is the first time Kanara actually gets to see the villain her father was and always will be looking at her, and 2) when she gets into a trouble a little too deep but Abiteth swoops in and gets her out of it and instead of berating Kanara she comforts her and tells her she's just grateful Kanara is safe.

I do think that the troubles Abiteth/Dabi would have with Tsuki and Oniya is them feeling kind of invisible? Since Nikkou sneaks around and keeps hiding his injuries from Dabi, he gets a lot of Dabi's attention (even if it's negative), and Kanara of course gets a lot of Abiteth's attention (again, even though it's negative) because Nikkou and Kanara are the "bad kids", so the "good kids" Tsuki and Oniya go a little unseen as pre-teens/teenagers.

And then there's who the kids are mentored by!! These are still works in progress, but here's my little list:

Kanara is Kirishima's sidekick!

Nikkou is mentored by his uncle Shoto, of course!

Tsuki gets mentored by Deku and is the only sidekick who can handle Bakugo's temper! (HE'S VERY PROUD OF HER!!! HE'S VERY "THAT'S MY FUCKING GIRL LET'S GOOOO" ABOUT TSUKI!!)

Oniya is Tokoyami's sidekick!

Isei isn't mentored by anyone but Hawks provides her with tapes of her mother using her quirk so that Isei can learn how to use hers 💙

ALL CHILDREN receive self-defense and hand-to-hand combat training from Abiteth's entire family (which is very hard for Isei because she is fearful and extremely non-combative but Abiteth helps her through it by expressing that she wants to ensure Isei can protect herself!!!)

I think that's everything my little brain was thinking about hahahaha. Oh and for the curious, the heroes in the family are: Tsuki, Kanara, and Oniya (don't have a hero name for Tsuki yet but I'm leaning toward Amaterasu - Kanara's is Rengoku, and Oniya's is Behemoth).

Nikkou's was Solstice, but he goes by Equinox in story~

Atm I don't really know how things between the kids and parents would change if it was Touya (like, Enji was a good father and was good to his family Touya), or if this was a Twin AU, just in that case I know Tsuki of course gravitates toward Touya, and Nikkou gravitates toward Dabi.

[pink-strawberry-kissess]

Rambling Anon again *waves*

I've been thinking about a particular line of dialogue, two actually, and how the repetition of this line relates to Ada's character.

The lines I'm talking about are Leon's "You try to save one person; a hundred others die." v. Wesker's "A hundred will give their lives so that just one may live."

The subjects are similar, but the wording, the tone, and the characters saying these lines make them vastly different and offer vastly different perspectives on the world. Leon has always and continues to be a very selfless person. He is all about saving people, even if he doesn't know them, even if they actually don't need saving, just in case they do. Meanwhile Wesker is all about looking out for #1. We know that he's working on Ouroboros and his whole plan for the next stage in human evolution (RE5) and he doesn't care about the number of casualties.

So Leon gives his line about 3/4 of the way through the game. With Separate Ways out now we know exactly what Ada has been doing up to this point. Her job. BUT her opening narration reflects on the cost of her successfully completing her job, and how she's torn up about this now all thanks to Leon and Raccoon.

Ada has always been an actions>words person. She's very curt and a bit... snarky(?) to the others, but once she learns of Leon's existence in the island, most of the time she's keeping an eye or an ear out for him. In both versions of SW she rings the church bell. Now, in both versions she's at the Church primarily because her mission led her there (Wesker told her to go / Luis said to meet there) but in the remake, she rings the bell because she knows Leon needs help, as opposed to Wesker telling her to do so and it also happens to benefit Leon.

Anyways, so the audience knows that Ada isn't as cold as she presents herself. She's constantly having this little internal war where she wants to be a good person, but her job largely makes that extremely hard. And Ada's "job" isn't exactly the type where you hand in your two-weeks and everyone wishes you well. So she has to look out for herself and also do her job but is trying to find ways in which she can sabotage it without it coming back to bite her.

So Wesker's line at the end of the game is an interesting contrast. Not only in the different phrasing, because while Leon's comment is focused on the fact that he can't save everyone, Wesker's is focused on the saving of the one and I think it's an interesting way of showing Ada's personal conflict with those two sides of her, the side that wants to do good, and the side that has to look out for herself. And in the end, she openly defies Wesker, putting herself at immense risk. Her helicopter was still in range of Wesker's guns. So that is an interesting choice because it contradicts her tendency of self-preservation. Perhaps she thinks that Wesker still thinks she's useful to him, or his tendency to threaten her has gotten old and she's calling his bluff, but I think this decision is a big turning point in her character and, while she's not ready (or able) to leave her career, she becomes more concerned with the impact her actions and her clients have on the world.

Anyways, sorry about the essay. I don't know if I actually got to my point or what, but yeah... thoughts?

HELLO AGAIN BABY

i think it's also interesting to think about the fact that leon's mission is just to save ashley. one person. while it's true that half of the island dies as well. luis too. and as we get further along in leon's life there's more blood spilled because of him.

i really wish we also got a little flashback or something for ada. but the inclusion of her little monologue was good. i think it's also good that we got her understanding of her acceptable of what she's done and that it's true that leon affected her in more ways than one.

okay im ngl

i don't know why people are so torn up about the "reason" why ada rings the church bell. she still does it. SURE she had other reasons why she's up there. but like??? i would argue she has LESS REASON TO RING THE BELL. she's up there for another reason already- she doesn't HAVE to do anything up there. she hears leon "needing help," so she rings it. it just narratively made it so that she was already up there.

anyways i think it's a small non-issue, i don't know why people were upset. it still fits in line with helping leon and her reasoning isn't THAT MUCH DIFFERENT.

i think (and i've been saying this for MONTHS probably years) is that capcom is focusing on ada's "redemption arc" as soon as possible. we saw glimpses of this in re6. but they really want to pound it into stupid people's brains that she's not evil, never has been.

we have to remember that SURE leon is stuck in a life he never wanted

BUT ALSO ADA IS TOO.

Ada's stuck in a life she never wanted.

i think that the ending is interesting and opens up to see the repercussions of ada's choices. that even if she "does the right things," bad things still happen. we have to remember that morally good choices can STILL LEAD TO A BAD ENDING.

this is why i ask people to question why characters do things and IF THEY'RE ACTUALLY MORALLY GOOD OR NOT. characters like leon who are characterized as "the good one" HAS MADE SEVERAL bad decisions that are BAD AND MORALLY WRONG, but had lead to a good ending. that DOESN'T NEGATE THE FACT HE DID A BAD THING.

similarly ada "choosing to do the good thing," can still lead to a bad ending.

to me, ada has always been the lesser of two evils. she's not dipped her toes in, she's swimming in it. if she can pick a lesser evil, she will. if she can screw someone over so that something lesser bad happens, she will. it's the tiniest bit of self control she has left in her life. self preservation is important in the sense that she can trust herself, and that seems to be the one thing that's seen even after we see her lose luis. that even though she seems closer to him in this iteration, she still can't feel any emotion about it.

rather, she won't let herself do that.

anyways yeah i still have some thoughts too but they're stewing

[torialefay]

Hi Toria, I've sent inboxes to a few blogs, but no one seems to understand and I am just at a loss of what to do or who to talk to. You don't need to post this, I just think you are really kind and would understand, so I guess I just needed to tell someone who could understand where I'm coming from.

Stray Kids new album came out, as I'm sure you know and while I will always support the boys, the 'I Like It' song left me very emotional. I guess it brought up feelings inside of me that I didn't even know that were there based on past 'situationships' I had where that was the mindset. I didn't and still don't fully know why I reacted the way that I did, all I know is that it made me really fucking sad, Toria. I started crying and I didn't even know why, all I knew was that the words hurt, even though everyone else around me was talking about how amazing it was and how they were dancing to it.

The blame isn't on Stray Kids for this obviously, but I feel terrible still. This is the only song that I have ever disliked from them and I feel guilty about it. It also made me feel a bit differently about them and I feel guilty about that too. But I know I cant even say it on my blog because I will get murdered on this app, or called a fake fan, or be called a baby for how it made me feel. I can't help that I feel this way or the experiences I've had.

I don't really know why I'm writing all of this. I am just rambling too much, I have a tendency to do that. Thank you for reading this. Maybe I just needed someone to do it.., someone who I didnt think would judge me. I hope you have a great day, Toria 💕

hi honey, i contemplated posting this just because of what you said at the beginning, but i wanted to make sure that you know i read it and am supporting you from my lil corner of tumblr.

it can be hard to hear songs that get an emotional reaction out of you, and it is only human to do so. i hope you never feel bad about that. just know that it doesn't have to even be through songs. it can be through random things people say, movies, etc.

i'll never forget, one day a group of friends and i were watching a movie together and suddenly one of my friends started to cry uncontrollably. in the plot, there was mention of SA and because none of us had experienced anything like that, we didn't have a sort of emotional reaction. but we learned that day that my friend had been SA'ed and then had those memories flood back in that moment.

although each of us left the movie unaffected (for the most part), i know that movie will always have a negative association in my friend's mind & be remembered as something hurtful. that is absolute NO fault of her own. and for a long time after that, it made me feel very thankful that i'd never had to experience something like that & that i'd be able to go through my life unaffected.

that's a very long-winded way to say: i am so sorry that you've had negative emotions come out of this. and you're right, that has nothing to do with stray kids. i'm sure it is hard to watch people around you love this song while it has brought back bad memories for you. being honest, it also gave me very mixed feelings because of similar reasons. but at the end of the day, i hope you can remember that it is a song and not reality. that may not help at all, and in fact, it probably won't at this moment, BUT hopefully in the future it will be something that can bring you more comfort.

i would genuinely hope that stay wouldn't be upset with you for voicing your opinion & i'm sorry if that's the feedback you've received so far from talking about it. please do not let anyone invalidate your own emotions. it is completely OKAY to dislike a song. and it is completely OKAY for that song to change your views on things. although i do think it is fiction and we should try not to associate people with these fictional scenarios, unfortunately, that's not always how our hearts work.

i'm so sorry for anything you've gone through for these emotions to be brought up. i know it's not an easy thing to go through. you have my support 100%, and PLEASE, if you need anything at all, hop over to my inbox & we can chat some more, okay? ❤️❤️❤️

[pokestudentjune]

Hellow!

I just saw you have a Typhlosion in your team! Can you tell me a bit about how a Typhlosion can act? My official starter's Nino, a Cyndaquil, and even if I love him a lot, my family pushed me into having a "real" starter even if I already have another partner before him!

@lud-and-griz

Hello there !! Omg my first ask..

First off, I think its quite interesting how your parents pushed you for a "real" starter.. I'm going to ramble a bit, but the starter pokemon of each region are a bit overhyped in my opinion. This can cause unethical breeding of them or mistreatment by non professionals for a quick buck. Plus, any starter can be "real!" Starters are honestly just a social construct and it puts weird standards on pokemon and trainers to go down their path a specific way...

BUT!! My pokemon ethics input isnt what you asked for!! Of course, every pokemon has their own personality and tendencies in respect to the individual, so I can't say for sure how your cyndaquil will be like when evolved– but luckily for you the cyndaquil line is one of my favorites! So i can give you a general rundown on what to expect. 

Cynaquil and Quilava are similar in the sense that both are generally pretty cautious pokemon in the wild, prefering to not pick fights unless necessary. They are lower on the food chain, and thus rely on their flame for defense usually, not offense. Typhlosion on the other hand however, burst with a hotter flame and become very territorial and independent in the wild. 

With that in mind, Typhlosion after evolving tend to be more confident and a bit more mature than they were as a quilava, adjusting to a bigger body with bigger flames through this process. Their personality will pretty much stay the same, but slightly different as well. Think of it as growing up from a teen into an adult! (Keep in mind though that evolution stage does NOT equal age!) Typhlosion tend to be extremely protective of their trainer upon evolution, as well as become a tad bit more stoic than before, probably stemming from their territorial tendencies in the wild. Its also been shown within a vast majority of domesticated Typhlosion that they tend to have a short temper when on the battlefield--regardless of their personality. This is probably a genetic feature that helps fuel a Typhlosions back flame during fights, which can be quite devastating if your pokemon does not know how to control it. In addition, typhlosion has a feature none of its pre-evolutions have. Not simply flame-retardant fur, but a second layer of fur with a chemical compound that is capable of combusting under extreme heat. Just a little heads up if you ever see your Typhlosions entire body burst into fire!

Having cyndaquil evolve into a typhlosion is no easy feat and a great achievement for these pokemon! it may take them some time to adjust to the new body though, as Typhlosion typically prefer to stand on their hind legs–whereas quilava usually stay quadrapedal unless searching for danger, so be prepared for lots of bumping heads on sheves or tables. It might have been a while since your partner was a cyndaquil! Your typhlosion may also have an increased interest in sweets, even if they never liked sweet stuff before. This is because with a stronger flame, your typhlosion will need more fuel. Sucrose is known for being extremely flammable, and is often desired amongst fire types. Consuming sugars will help the gas sacs along its neck produce a strong flame! Your typhlosion might be more interested in consuming meat over bugs like its pre-evolutions. Be prepared to either adjust their diet or expect a potential gift at your doorstep sometimes! Typhlosion might also develop a habit of burrowing upon evolution. This is a nesting behavior that the other two evolutions don’t usually exhibit to the extent of a Typhlosions. Your Typhlosion may enjoy creating a burrow a few feet deep into the ground to rest in at night, the bottom of it lined with ash and sticks to keep it warm– kind of like its own mini campfire!

Whew that was a lot. Sorry to ramble! I just love sharing information about pokemon I love <3 I would talk about Jasper, my own Typhlosion on here, but this post is already getting pretty long. I’ll be keeping an eye on your cyndaquil! If they want to evolve, then I’d love to see it!

[itgr]

Early ROS season 3 Kodya thoughts (aka here's my excuse to ramble)

I'm only on episode 180. I have thoughts on a lot of things but rn I just wanna talk about Kodya?? Idk ever since we've seen him again in episode 159, he's been a lot more stoic and and standoffish than he used to be? (at least compared to his season 2 counterpart, which yeah he spent most of that outside his body but he wasn't this standoffish to Gyrus before). He's a lot more similar to his season 1 counterpart in some ways which I found interesting. Originally, I thought it would be a temporary thing just from the shock of seeing Gyrus again and recovering from the fact he genuinely thought they'd never meet again, but then he kind of stays that way and he's kind of snarky and defensive which I find interesting. I really like when characters are flawed or are tangibly impacted by things that have happened to them. Anyways here's like multiple reasons I headcanon (some of these are just straight up stated or heavily implied) there's such a big character shift (at least to me):

Um. Yeah he literally thought he'd never see his on and off boyfriend of several years who he literally fought so hard to keep around. That's going to fuck you up regardless of if it ended up not being true

^ Also I feel like losing Gyrus again definitely brought back some old pain and trauma from the time he, yknow, watched Gyrus lose himself over the course of years and eventually had to be the one to kill him ^^ so. YEAH (he has abandonment issues to me)

This is more of a minor point but we should talk about how fucky it would be to spend several years with people from the future and then be plopped back into your time period and expected to just. Keep existing like nothing happened and like you don't know at least hundreds of separate things and concepts that are, quite literally, ahead of your time

Look me in the eyes and tell me he didn't 100% face or see homophobia after returning to his time period. You know that would mess with him a bit (I find his defensiveness near Iro, while partially justified, really interesting? because it's the first time I can think of we get any implication that homophobia explicitly exists in the world of ROS <- which makes sense and it also makes sense to assume that the room of swords itself was probably pretty queer friendly because of the amount of different people there. Anyways Kodya's defensiveness near Iro just reads to me as someone anticipating homophobia because of firsthand experience with it)

Gyrus self deprecating about not as strong as Masiosare, who's essentially like if you took BB! Gyrus's inability to open up and ask for help and his tendencies to do morally fucked up shit for his version of the greater good and then maximised it(/hj), probably made Kodya feel worse. Like he already spent years watching Gyrus lose himself to those ideals and I feel like at this point, the amount of trust issues and general abandonment issues of having a partner who used to hide things from you constantly until it literally destroyed him, combined with that same partner now self deprecating and faintly implying he wants to be like that again, would 100% trigger the shit out of his trauma and probably make him feel like history's going to repeat itself

I don't know if this was intentional but (oversimplification) CPTSD symptoms tend to show up after the person's left whatever stressful environment they used to be in and it starts flaring up because the brain can't process or understand that its in a safe environment and is still in a very defensive protective mode even when it technically shouldn't be. Kodya's likely CPTSD from, yknow, EVERYTHING in the room of swords probably could've started flaring up because of the fact he finally managed to escape, which could also partially explain his mentioned thoughts of feeling cursed and like he'd never be happy before Gyrus showed up (it's a common thing to struggle to feel happy or safe after not having experienced either feeling for a long time)

In conclusion, Kodya Karevic is a well written mentally ill little guy who's literally done zero (0) wrong in his entire life/j. Jokes aside, I wanted an excuse to ramble and get my thoughts out and also just talk about how pleasantly surprising it is to have them actually acknowledge the flaws in Strawbarrow's relationship and show Kodya have tangible problems with trusting Gyrus again. Idk I really like how well and complexly they're written