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dazzle-writes · 2 years ago

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Hey! I saw you had match up open and I almost jumped for you seeing trigun on that list and I practically ran to your asks to send this.

So obvious I'd like a trigun match up (any type/timeline is fine) and possibly headcanons!

I am a adult male and I have albinism. I have purple/pink eyes, white really messy hair and pale skin. I am the holder of adhd and autism and love to collect random trinkets like rocks, feathers or just like a fistfull of moss and keep it. I'm a pretty lone liver and like to have my own quiet time but I seek out people who can respect my boundaries in when I do and don't want to be touched, be around noise or people. I am a gardening student and I love learning about different flora and plants and what good they do in gardens or forests or how they can be used as simple remedies like sore throaths or headaches. I like to travel and hike but at nights I like to just take a moment to breathe and adore the surrounding. Also I'm a big fan of cuddling even tho I'm not a fan of much touching, cuddling is for the level 10 friendship only. Idk what else to put here but sorry if there is writing mistakes, English is not my first language and I'm super excited

- Moon

(Don't worry I also saw the second ask!!)

omg I've been WAITING to see someone I could match up with my pookie tristamp Knives and its YOU!!!

~I think you'd both stare at each other for a few long seconds and he's internally going "Is that me? Is that my reflection?" because he has never seen a human with albinism before!!! Your relationship definitely starts out more clinical, he wants to observe you a lot because he lies to tells himself that since you're so different, you must be used in the doctor's experiments!!

~he takes one look at your eyes and goes "Nope, this one is Mine To Observe" and tells people its because you look so much like a Plant he wonders if you have any Plant heritage. Nobody believes him, but who's going to call Knives out? He wants to learn EVERYTHING about you, and also understands the need for quiet time. Sometimes he will just. Stand and leave. Because he needs a break.

~Loves learning about autism from you

~Quickly learns that he has autism from this very fact

~(I see you say "holder" and have a signoff so I'm assuming you're part of a system!! If that's not true then pardon my ignorance!!) You explain to him what D.I.D. is and what you hold and he goes "what" and immediately needs to leave and process. (If you tell me more about others alters I'll make a part two with how he interacts with them!! ;).) He comes back with a million questions which makes you need a break and just. Its a long game of phone tag with the Tism Social Timer.

~When you explain what flora is and that you are a gardening student, it's all over. He falls right then and there. Hard. And in denial.

~He does mess up a lot, so be patient with him!! He is navigating so many new territories with you and his own emotions.

~Always speaks softly to you, but his tone is always stern.

~Will occasionally just. Stare. He likes looking at you.

~Introduced you to his sisters and god they thought you were one of them. I hc that Plants make noises like birds or dolphins but smoother and softer and the just are like OwO?!?! Is he one of us?!?! And they chirp at you and freak you out a bit.

~Knives is very touch starved but also cannot stand touch if not with someone very close. He loves to lie with you in bed and hold pinkies.

~His face is always kinda neutral? Don't take it personally.

~He kinda starts slowing down on his violence once he meets you, and just steals plants and leaves instead of Murdering Everyone, but starts to collect little things for you because of your crow-habits.

~Once yall are close enough, he cuddles you in his blade snuggie. He loves leaning up against the bedframe with you on top so he can put his head on your head.

~Possesive of you when you aren't around. If someone mentions you he eithers threatens them with bodily harm for being close to you or begs commands them to tell him what they know about you.

~Is not unreasonable, if someone talks to you/touches you without knowing you are taken and you correct them he gets butterflies because omg you like him so much and you only wanna be his-

~If they disrespect your boundaries? Game over. They become the doctors newest subject.

nsfw!!!!

~This hoe is a big ass VIRGIN

~Eveyone is always like "omg hes so top and dom and sex god" Knives has never seen a human penis in his life and has no clue what to do.

~Very clinical and experimental at first!! Like slearning what works for you both

~It would please him greatly if this man can cockwarm pLEASE LET HIM-

~no noise except for gasps and asking questions

~Medium sex drive, but never initiates. Always teases that you humans are so "carnal" and only he can truly make you feel like this.

~Surprisingly talkative? He'll be telling you about his day and jerking you off at the same time. There's a pop quiz at the end. Once he gets more into sex and anything kinky he will punish you if you don't answer correctly.

~Gets more playful once he gets intimate like that. Occasionally grabs your ass and just??? Walks away???

~Starts to wear his blade snuggie more because his body is for YOU babes.

~Plant genetalia is weird because he has? Both? And it all glows?

~Definitely has glowing cum.

~Plant do have a mating cycle where they go through "Blooming" season. Gets really clingy and irritable from Plant hormones, so be gentle with him.

AHHHHHH I hope you enjoyed!!!!!!

#millions knives x reader #matchups #tristamp #trigun #razz writes

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whysojiminimnida · 3 years ago

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Free Jungkook from your homophobia, more like.

Homophobic hateful behavior. That’s what it is when a man is telling you out loud who he loves and you’d rather deflect, avoid, deny and invalidate. You’d rather scream at his employer, hate his lover, and call him a liar than listen to the man you say you love. You’re wrong. It’s wrong. No argument you have is valid at this point. You believe him or you choose to deny him on the basis of your prejudice against him. That’s it. When people choose to actively denigrate, invalidate and hate on an individual due to their perceived or obvious sexual orientation and/or choice of partner, those people are not fans. Those people are by definition haters, antis and bullies. You are perpetrating homophobic abusive bullshit on two men who have done nothing but love you, entertain you and work for you and you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Does Jungkook need to be freed from shippers? I mean, it wouldn’t hurt to free him from Taekook when he has explicitly said they’re not close like that. It wouldn’t hurt to free him from Jinkook hard shippers who don’t understand platonic love vs. sexual love. But really neither of those or any other ships really give Jungkook much lost sleep, I don’t think. He’s not worried about y’all because guess what? Toxic TKKers aside, y’all affect his personal life about zero percent of the time. Idol training prepares these men – all of them – for shipping, for fan interaction and fanservice, for the duality of image they are expected to present. That duality is a learned skill, kids. The level of camera intrusion into a successful idol’s life is insane and they are taught how to handle that and what to show the public with the assumption that everything will always be shown to the public. Are exceptions made? Of course. All the time. Editing does happen. Some stuff gets left on the floor. We freak out when things make it to the public without taking into consideration the number of people it takes to sign off on those decisions. That’s why moments like Rose Bowl and 2018 MAMA are so major – there wasn’t time to edit those things. They were caught live and available globally within moments of their capture. But Hickeygate and They Look Exceptionally Close Today and Neck Stroke Holiday Dynamite were crafted products deliberately shown to us by BigHit/Hybe, in packaged products. Hell they reclaimed Rose Bowl and stuck it in DVD format and you don’t think that was a calculated move? Read that again – they CHOSE TO SHOW US THIS. DELIBERATELY. WITH SIGNOFFS ON MULTIPLE LEVELS AND ARTIST/MANAGEMENT INPUT. ONE MORE TIME IN THE BACK THEY DID IT ON PURPOSE THEY ARE NOT HIDING THIS IS AS OUT AS WE ARE GONNA GET WITHOUT A SEX TAPE OR A WEDDING VIDEO.

BUT some fans are stupid and some of us – a distressing number - are violently and virulently anti-LGBTQ+. And before you start the “my brother is gay don’t” I CAN AND I AM BECAUSE YOU ARE. You may love your gay bro. Hell you might be gay yourself – internalized homophobia is real. But let’s face it – if your problem is that Jungkook is being shipped with Jimin then why is that a problem? What makes you mad we gonna call out an actual admitted hickey from the giggling-ass involved adult parties? Why is making a hickey a romantic, sexual thing wrong? BECAUSE TWO DICKS ARE INVOLVED AND YOU ARE NOT. That’s why, kids. And not just any dicks. His dick and yep, his dick too and guess what, hard-ons happened and were likely dealt with as a result JUST LIKE IT GOES ON A REGULAR BASIS. A neck mark like that is clear evidence of sexual activity and that is what has your homophobia acting up. Because whether you admit it or not you know exactly what it means. And why you might be fine with it being with a girl JUST NOT WITH JIMIN. Denying it with “my brother does it to me” makes you look like a liar or an incest victim and I hope for your sake it’s the former. Making it a cover for a girl just makes you gross in your str8 agenda and I hope you choke on it. Does Jungkook even find women attractive? I haven’t seen evidence of that – I’ve seen more of that from Jimin, actually �� but he might. Very well could. Bisexuality and pansexuality exist and as a member of the latter community it’s more common than you think. But Jungkook openly and clearly finds men – one man in particular – more attractive than anyone else. He is absolutely, most assuredly doing the sexy gay sex with one Park Jimin whether you like it or not. Is now, has been for at least four or five years, possibly longer. Stan a man who believes in true love and a long term relationship, it’s healthy for everyone. Good for you. Free Jungkook. Free Jungkook from dumbass homophobic bullshit. Free him from people who don’t love and support him and his orientation and his relationship. Free him from everybody except Park Jimin because they have a date to go to the moon, a deserted island, and their own damn bed without us. And after all this I hope they do.

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thedreadvampy · 3 years ago

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I don't want to respond to this directly in a reblog bc it doesn't really have to do with the content of the rest of the post (which is great, by the way! I'm really happy that things are going well on an artistic side and your work is lovely!) but this aside has me feeling some kind of way.

I don't think it's a fair characterisation to say the mechanisms 'misinterpreted' the universe of Doctor Carmilla, because it isn't really the same universe. The continuity between Doctor Carmilla & The Mechanisms and The Mechanisms as a standalone band seems to me to really be legacy only, and to the degree that Carmilla is mentioned in-universe it's an acknowledgement of the band's origins, not an attempt to write a Carmilla story. Seems to me like it wouldn't be appropriate for the Mechanisms to write stories about Doctor Carmilla and the universe Maki developed in her absence, nor would it be fair to pretend Maki never existed or that Carmilla wasn't deeply involved in the foundations of the Mechanisms universe.

like if you approach the Mechanisms and Doctor Carmilla as one unified story led by Maki then sure, it comes across like the Mechanisms misinterpreted ideas and dropped threads. But that's...not what it is? They're two separate stories with a common root. Maki hasn't been involved in writing with the Mechanisms since 2011 and the band finished in 2020 - in almost a decade with different people writing, a good number of whom weren't even involved with the Doctor Carmilla era of the Mechanisms, yeah, it isn't the same entity and I don't think that the Mechs have ever acted like it's meant to be? Doctor Carmilla is Doctor Carmilla and the Mechanisms are the Mechanisms and they exist in separate universes with some crossover points - that seems to me to be the best approach?

Like, it would be valid to say that the Mechanisms misinterpreted Carmilla's universe and character if they had ever written stories about Carmilla or about the ideas Maki had for her story. but they.... haven't? ever really done that? They've written stories featuring Carmilla, which is really kind of an acknowledgement that the band started with Maki, but only really in apocrypha or performing songs developed with Maki as far as I can tell? and beyond that when they've introduced new characters or story elements they've avoided going back over ground that would mean reinvolving Carmilla without Maki's input. bc from what I've seen they're pretty careful about not writing stories About Other People's Characters without getting substantial input and signoff from those people.

I don't really know the precise circumstances in which Doctor Carmilla and the Mechanisms became two separate entities - that's a wee bit before my time - but my impression was that nobody pushed anybody out or was cut out, that it was all pretty amicable, and that the Mechanisms wanted to perform more and Maki was going in more of a solo direction so they went on performing separately. I have no idea if that's a correct impression (and I'm happy to be corrected if not) but either way it's not abandoning a character to carry on without them when the person who played them is no longer involved, and it's not misinterpreting or abandoning an idea to build your own thing on the foundation it's set. I like both the universe Maki's made for Doctor Carmilla and the universe the Mechanisms made for their stories, they don't need to be in competition and there doesn't need to be One True Correct Canon, especially since Maki has continued making really great work on Doctor Carmilla's story without the Mechanisms. They can and should just be separate entities, that's allowed.

(and this isn't a go at you, btw, this is just like I've heard this take a few times and it seems like a pretty uncharitable interpretation of how creativity works. The Mechanisms are allowed creative ownership over their own universe - they were working with Doctor Carmilla for under a year and they've been developing stories together for the better part of a decade and it seems like a pretty unfair approach to all involved to cast that as a shadow of Doctor Carmilla's universe as if the only way you're allowed to keep using the same band name is if you follow exactly the preordained narrative of someone who hasn't been part of the band for years. Doctor Carmilla as a story and a character has certainly changed and developed over time, musically and narratively, and that's good! That's as it should be! so I don't know why the Mechanisms' narrative universe not being the same as it was when they were ...And The Mechanisms is sometimes framed as a bastardisation of Maki's work rather than like. an evolution and development of their own creative voice and stories)

Like. Assuming that we agree that it's good that the Mechanisms existed post separating from Carmilla and went on to make new music and write new stories, how would that do this in a way that wasn't a 'misinterpretation' and/or 'abandonment' of Carmilla's story? Either you have to try and tell Carmilla's story, which would be inevitably a 'misinterpretation' because. They're different people. And it would be pretty inappropriate to try and tell the same story as Maki wanted to tell without her and potentially have two versions of the same story competing. Or you do what the Mechs did in practise, and largely leave Carmilla's story and the surrounding universe for its creator to play with and go ahead and make your own thing with its own universe and rules that won't impact on the story they obviously want to build for their own character and world. You can characterise that as 'abandonment' but I'm not sure what the better option is then, other than just Nobody Who Has Ever Made Anything Involving Doctor Carmilla Can Ever Do Anything With The Characters They Made For That. like. It seems like the only alternative to keep creating with those characters (which, again, people developed as onstage personas for themselves) that couldn't be called a misinterpretation or an abandonment of Maki's original vision is like, to only ever do anything with Maki in charge, which is a pretty big limitation to put on a band, especially if I'm right in my understanding that they parted ways because Maki wanted to take a different approach to her work that didn't heavily involve the Mechanisms, so would she even have had the time, capacity or interest to lead on a whole other project alongside her own work back in 2011? When people have this take that the Mechanisms were somehow disrespectful of Maki's story by not just telling Maki's story and instead making their own thing, I just have to ask like what exactly is the alternative version where the Mechanisms make their own creative work with their own creative voice in a way that isn't either reinterpreting or moving away from the Doctor Carmilla story?????

#sorry i just. i don't understand how else this is meant to work #and it kind of just comes across like an...anger that the Mechanisms did their own thing at all #like they aren't. doctor Carmilla and the Mechanisms. they haven't been for a decade. they're a different entity #their stories have little to nothing to do with Carmilla's stories except in legacy #they acknowledge the debt they owe to Carmilla/Maki as their founder #that doesn't mean they are part of the same story NOW #they have no obligation to tell Only Carmilla's Story As Laid Out By Maki and tbh doing that would diminish both their work and Maki's #Carmilla is Maki's story to tell. OUATIS and HNOC and UDAD and Bifrost and the crew stories are the Mechs' creations and theirs to play with #what's wrong with that? why shouldn't they leave behind a story that isn't theirs to tell?#why would they coopt Maki's story that she's clearly passionate about and knew what she wanted to do with when they can do their own thing?#they wrote Carmilla out of the Mechanisms' story because Maki was no longer involved #and Carmilla is minimised in the backstories of a lot of the characters who she featured in #i would say as a fairly inevitable result of the need to balance acknowledgement (ie not retconning her out)#with the fact that once you're developing that character beyond the story where both Carmilla and Maki are taking an active role #if you talk about their history with Carmilla you're GONNA bring your own stuff to the table and that Carmilla CANNOT be the same as Maki's #because the story isn't coming from Maki #so you either have to do like Brian and Ivy and Nastya and move away from really mentioning that aspect of their backstory more than needed #or you do like Jonny and develop your character and your narrative in a way that implies stuff about your relationship with that character #which Maki doesn't have control over.#but like there isn't a middle ground where you keep Carmilla as a central aspect of the story but also never stray from Maki's vision #so yeah it does seem safer to leave that whole story as at most a background element you gesture at #rather than trampling roughshod over somebody else's character #it's a whole godmodding issue #and also to like. be clear on your own mind about the canonicity of the story. which i think is part of the issue tbh bc it sounds like #maybe Maki considers the ongoing Mechs universe to be in Carmilla canon and the Mechs consider it to be a different branching universe?#canon is i think a lot more plastic in the Mechs work than in Doctor Carmilla.#I've mentioned on here before that several Mechs have talked about there being no hard and fast canon even within the story they're telling #let alone between their story and other interrelated stories #hence Finger Puppet Brian Theory and Everyone Is Goo theory have like. equal canonicity to anything else.#all the stories are told by unreliable narrators and we're not supposed to understand them as Exact Truth

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punksarahreese · 4 years ago

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Letters | A Chance Meeting (Twice Over)

Nosdecember day 12 | @neworleansspecial

Teen!au; Sarah and Ava’s struggle to keep in contact

CW: narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, need-panic and PTSD themes from said abuse, drug/alcohol/gambling mention, homophobia

***

Ava,

I know I haven’t answered your texts in a while. By the time you get this it will probably be a couple weeks since I last messaged. I promise I would never ignore you, what happened is out of my control.

Mom and her boyfriend broke up. Since then, she’s been adamant that we forget our trip ever happened. She threw out all our things from South Africa already, including the t-shirts we bought together. She said I can’t text you anymore.

It’s not fair, I know. I tried for a couple weeks to keep in contact through messages, I didn’t want to worry you, but she found out. She takes my phone at night now, she reads all my texts. I’m sorry, Ava; I don’t want to ignore you, I promise.

If this letter gets to you, send one back if you wanna. My friend said you can mail things to her address, she won’t open them, just so my mother doesn’t take them from me. I’ve attached the address and her name too, if you wanna write me back. I understand if you’re upset with me, just know I didn’t mean to cut you off.

I miss you,

Sarah

Sarah did her best to be subtle as she crept down the stairs, purple envelope burning a hole in her pocket. She hoped her mother was asleep so she wouldn’t have to answer any questions. She did have an alibi in mind though, her school bag hanging over one shoulder and library card on the lanyard around her neck. She had long since mastered the art of lying to get out of her mother’s manipulation, which Sarah feared would progress to her becoming a narcissistic liar like the woman who raised her. Still, that was a worry for future Sarah; right now she just wanted to get to the post office.

Luckily she had been asleep, wine glass abandoned on the kitchen counter and ¼ of a bottle left beside the couch. Sarah didn’t want to think about what kind of a mood she would be in when she got back. The drinking wasn’t always a problem, it came and went as boyfriends left or she lost jobs due to her unaddressed issues. Sometimes it was too much wine, other times she turned to marijuana or spending rent money on scratch lottery tickets. Sarah never knew which one of her mother’s coping mechanisms would appear during an episode, she just knew better than to mention it when it happened. The narcissism never left though, that was something Sarah had been accustomed to since before her dad even left the picture.

Nevertheless, she made it out of the house and to the post office. 30 minutes later, Sarah had mailed her letter, though she did have to pay a bit of a ridiculous fee to mail it where she wanted. That was another feat that made her painfully aware of the distance between her and the best friend she hadn’t seen for months.

Three weeks after that, Sarah’s friend pulled her aside at lunch. She pressed a cream coloured envelope into her hand, not saying a word but giving her a soft smile. Sarah didn’t open the letter until she was on the bus ride home, but the fact that Ava had actually responded to her had the other girl giddy all day.

The replying letter was longer than Sarah expected, two pages of Ava saying she was so glad to hear from her. Ava was sorry that Sarah’s mother was being so cruel, stating that she wished things could be different. What got Sarah the most was the lilac scent wafting from the paper, Ava’s favourite perfume. Of course Ava would be the kind of person to spritz her stationary with her signature scent, just as much as she was the person to fold her letter into threes and seal it with a little anatomical heart sticker. It was the little things like that that made Sarah miss her even more, the little quirks that she would always associate with the other girl.

This started a bit of a routine. The letters took about a week to get to Ava and hers took a bit longer to make it to the US, for whatever reason. Their communication was not the greatest, slower and less frequent than either would like, but they made it work for a while. There was one day that Sarah’s friend, their in-between for correspondence, dragged her to her locker. She gave Sarah a teasing look when she passed her the small package along with a letter, saying that her mom had been confused about the mail since it was less conspicuous than usual. Still, it made Sarah’s day and she spent her afternoon in the corner of the library, going over Ava’s words.

The gift had been a dainty silver necklace, the charm attached to it making Sarah smile widely. It was a dopamine molecule, a neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of love. It was also appropriate because a lack of dopamine causes anxiety, which they both knew plagued Sarah greatly. While cheesy, the gift was so Ava and it was the first gift Sarah had received in a while. It made Sarah’s heart ache as much as it made her happy; what she wouldn’t give to hug her best friend at that point.

After putting the necklace on, she reread the letter. There was one portion that made her want to cry, to drop everything and figure out how to book a flight to South Africa even as a minor.

You’re always on my mind Sarah, as much as I’m embarrassed to admit it. Even though we’ve only spent two weeks in person together, I think you might be my favourite person. These last few months of letters have been a blessing and a curse. I miss your voice, your laugh, and I miss staying up until 4 AM just to talk to you. I miss you more than I thought I would and I’m so sorry things turned out this way. If I could, I would bring you here to live with me in a heartbeat. Forget parents and manipulation, you don’t deserve this. I’m worried, Sarah, You’re so far away and I don’t want to lose you. I know it's childish of me to say, but I just want to run away with you.

That, paired with the love signoff etched into the sweet, lilac scented paper, was enough to make Sarah weep. Ava cared about her, a lot, and Sarah couldn’t properly convey how important that was to her. She hadn’t felt truly loved in God knows how long, so the fact that she was so far away from and so cut off from the one person who made her feel special was so frustrating.

She read Ava’s letters over whenever she had bad days. It was her escape from her mother’s constant manipulation and gaslighting; a reminder that someone out there did love Sarah. She let herself get lost in Ava’s words, the scent of her perfume, and the feeling of her necklace under her fingertips. It wasn’t the same, it didn’t heal her like a hug would have, but it was enough in the moment. She didn’t want to admit how many times she had cried over those letters, though the tearstained paper would be indicative enough. She missed Ava so much and she so badly needed to hear her voice, just one more time. Hearing her speak those words, the promises she made, in that low accented tone would have been Sarah’s breaking point. Still, it was the one thing she wanted more than anything.

They exchanged letters for almost six months, to the point where they had their respective postal systems memorized. Over those months, despite everything, they even became closer. At some point, Ava admitted she had feelings for Sarah. Her letter was filled with apologies and promises that it shouldn’t ruin their friendship. Sarah wrote back and shyly admitted her own feelings, in an emotional note that ended up being smudged from tears. They weren’t dating, they never actually said that explicitly, but they knew they loved each other. The contact was so hard, it strained their relationship so much, but it was what both girls needed. As time went on Ava had no qualms with saying she loved her and every time Sarah read those words she felt her heart swell. Ava loved her, she really did. It made Sarah feel like the luckiest girl in the world, as cheesy as it was.

Sarah had just returned home from school, another envelope tucked carefully into her day planner, when her world flipped upside down. Her mother was in her room, reeking of alcohol, and she had Sarah’s hidden shoebox on the bed. All of Ava’s letters had been saved in that box, tucked away in the back of her closet so she could reread them when she needed to feel loved. The letters were strewn across the floor, some ripped to shreds already, and Sarah felt her heart drop.

“What did I say?” Her mother’s bleary eyes focused on her angrily, “Why do you think you can disobey me like this?”

“Mom, please-”

“No, Sarah,” the letter she had in her hands was tossed at her feet, “I don’t need any excuses. You think you own this house and my rules don’t matter? You’re planning to leave me, aren’t you? You’re going to run away to that little bitch and leave me. Just like your father did.”

Sarah was already crying, shaking with panic because it was all too much. Her letters were almost all destroyed, her mother’s anger palpable. It didn’t matter that Sarah knew she was drunk, it didn’t matter that her brain was telling her she was being manipulative and gaslighting her again. Her words stung regardless, the weight of everything crashing down on her. Sarah couldn’t breathe, was already flinching away from the woman who was supposed to love her unconditionally. Her brain was screaming at her to run but all she could do was sob out apologies because fleeing wasn’t an option.

“You’re just as bad as he is, as bad as all of them. You all want to hurt me, after all I’ve done for you? How ungrateful are you, Sarah Reese? Do you even love your mother?”

The fighting went on for what felt like hours. Sarah was beyond terrified, panic overrunning her system as she took every insult and lie her mother threw at her. She watched as she ripped up the remaining letters, tipped Sarah’s backpack upside down and found the one she hadn't even had a chance to read yet. She followed after her begging as she took the scraps of paper to the woodstove in their old kitchen, trying to reason with her even though there was no point. Her mother just sneered at her as she tossed the papers into the fire, shoving them under the burning kindling with the poker.

“Your phone and laptop are mine,” her words were hissed out, “You don’t leave this house for anything but school. That friend of yours who helped you send those disgusting letters? You will never speak to her again, you hear me?”

“Mom,” Sarah sobbed, “Don’t do this to me.”

“Sarah, I’m trying to help you. You don’t need them, none of them are your friends; they will only hurt you. That little Ava bitch doesn’t love you. No one loves you but me, baby; they all lie.”

Sarah’s stomach turned at that, wanting to throw up and scream at the same time. She shook her head fiercely, Ava did love her. She did, she told Sarah so.

“Mom, I love her,” she whispered brokenly, “Please. This isn’t me trying to hurt you. I love her and she says she loves me too.”

“Baby, no. You’re sick; this isn’t okay. You may think this gay thing is normal and okay but it’s not. It’s ruining my little girl and I won’t stand for it. You will stay here with me and that is final, you understand?”

The pet names were said in a sickeningly sweet way and Sarah knew she would never win in this argument. Her mother’s word was law and Sarah had to accept that. She would have to obey or she would get sent to yet another summer camp trying to brainwash her into liking men. The mood change was evidently another manipulation tactic, to make Sarah believe her mother was the only one who did love her. The cutting her off from everyone was one too, it was the same reason Sarah wasn’t allowed to have a job. She had to be completely dependent on her mother; that way she could never run away. It was horrible, made Sarah feel like a prisoner in her own home, but at the same time she was used to it. She couldn’t breathe, didn’t know how she would cope with this anymore.

“Go to your room, Sarah. We’re not speaking of this any longer.”

Sarah rushed back to her room, which was still an absolute disaster. Her things were overturned and broken, her clothes torn out of the dresser and her mattress half off the bed frame. All she could do was sob as she collapsed onto the floor, shaking like a leaf. She didn’t know how to calm down, didn’t know what would happen now. She needed Ava, she needed to hear her voice. Her brain was overrun with her mother’s words, the claim that Ava would never love her and that Sarah’s love was in some way disgusting. She just needed to hear her say it out loud, to promise that she did care about Sarah and her mother was lying.

It was all lies; everything was a lie. Sarah didn’t know what to believe anymore. All she knew was she was suffocating and she couldn’t live like this anymore; not without the girl she loved.

#HI THIS IS SAD IM SORRY #this is what happens when you’re the daughter of a narcissist #Sarah can have some more trauma... as a treat <3 #anyway... this sucks but whatever it’s one in the morning hsjskdk #my aus #my-writing #ava bekker #sarah reese #reesker #teen!ava #teen!sarah #teen!au #a chance meeting (twice over)#nosdecember #userglow #mutuals #neworleansspecial

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clumsyclifford · 4 years ago

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i guess i should start keeping an eye out for those sentences although i think the point is that i will be naturally drawn to them so who knows what will happen lol i did take a break from making the jane bordeaux playlist to make the middle school emo playlist of my dreams because i didnt listen to that music in middle school but currently there is something calling me toward mcr and i must follow it but i will get back to it soon (1/?)

and in the meantime i will search for more hebrew artists most of the ones i know are either older or for children because my hebrew prof would play us music but it was hebrew 2 and none of us understood anything so we would have to listen to children's music but some of it really did slap!!! (2/?)

i will also admit something about kar kar and it is that you are right it might just be me but her voice is so high like they sound good together but i dont like hers as much by itself its still gorgeous though wow ha'ahava hazot shelanu...a true work of album art!!! the pillow thing is nice i did it with slow niall horan songs one time and felt very soothed it is one of those things where you sorta have to believe in it a little bit and like play into it ya know but i still like it (3/?)

let the snakes have bread!!! a. tashlich is more important and b. those snakes are already poisonous might as well make them a lil gluten-y too im still pretty sure that it was you but youre right the tumblr search is horrible and i think it works only 2.7% of the time which is not enough for my jewish 5sos needs (4/?)

okay i am gonna come off of anon for jewish geography because we are very close to doxxing ourselves but i still wanna solve the mystery however i also wanted to do this one more time so i can keep using my signoff because ive never had one before and i think its cute:))) (5/5) - שירים

oh my god you’re starting on mcr NOW??? that is super bold i never listened to mcr and i still don’t i don’t want to i feel absolutely no attraction to that music it is Not My Thing like some of it is individually fun but it’s really not for me altogether so more power to ya however i can tell you that madam helen @calumcest and miss ainslee @ashesonthefloor are both big mcr fans and i know ainslee at least would LOVE to discuss mcr with you i don’t know if that means anything to you but there you go. my mcr fan connections

im putting the rest of this under a cut bc of yeah its long <3

that is fair enough i should also go in search of more hebrew artists we will have to keep each other updated. yes sometimes.......songs........Don’t need features. no offense to the lady her voice is very nice it’s just Wrong

omg....slow niall songs.......god falling asleep to like flicker or san francisco or still or dear patience please thats actually SO lovely i love that for you that sounds so pleasant

poison the snakes challenge

hey man even after you’re off anon you can slide in here as shirim anon as many times as you want i think it’s super cute i love having an anon with a hebrew sign off so very much so yeah you’re always welcome

#i also do not wish to doxx myself but it would be insane if we knew a real person in common so #yes by all means #however please do not doxx me if we do KHSDJFKLMFKJ #shirim anon #anonymous #ask #answered #side note i DID not realize you had sent me these when i called for you lmao #i hadnt looked in my inbox #and i was . you know. dr*nk

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icarusthelunarguard · 4 years ago

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This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

Sorry I’ve been a little Hit-or-Miss recently. Things have been... difficult at home. BUT.. here you go, finally!

Aries

“Consultation” is a big, fancy word for, “checking with people to see what they think about a topic”. In other words, “Asking For Help”. It worked for Captain Picard, it can work for you - so shave your head and go ask people for help.

Taurus

You woke up this morning thinking you had to do something meaningful, something grandiose, something epic…. That was just the dream talking to you. Next time try to control the dream and you can live out your fantasy of being The Greatest American Hero; just… not cancelled.

Gemini

Life is not a destination; it’s a journey with twists and turns and tunnels and road runners all over the place. Did you drive into that road runner painted tunnel and go all acordeon-y? You’ve now discovered that your life is at the mercy of Termite Terrace; meaning every bad thing that’s ever happened to you was because someone thought it was funny.

Cancer

People who tell you, “nobody can hold you down but yourself” have obviously never been on a fourth date with you. Until you get to that point, keep all your purchases from “Bill and Debbie Majors” out of sight.

Leo

Two words for you Leo: ROAD TRIP! Blow out the dust on your CD-Drive, get out your copy of Encarta, and pick a destination to drive to. You can start with the studios where Beakman’s World was filmed! Sadly you’ll have to deal with another two words that plagued Lester The Rat all the time: Air Pressure. Your tires are all flat from not having used the car in so long. Guess it’s 70’s game show reruns and microwave popcorn this week…. again.

Virgo

When you find yourself in times of trouble, Mother Mary will come to you in a dream, speaking words of wisdom, like… “Khül - ee - gee - rei”? She was Mongolian, we don’t know what she said either.

Libra

You’ve been two-timing us for job placement, haven’t you, Libra? Going to work at the Arecibo Radio Observatory, aka The Movie Set For The 1995 James Bond Movie ‘Golden Eye’ is one thing. But being so upset when the fan-made N64 Golden Eye game got cancelled that you trashed the place…. That was a little overkill. You might want to take the week off.

Scorpio

Antihistamine drugs are supposed to help people with allergic reactions - they calm down the body’s immune response, usually making people drowsy in the process. But there is a small number of people who instead get wired like they’re on cocaine.

Sagittarius

Let’s face facts, Sagittarius; that Sanyo 8 Transistor Allwave Radio is not going to impress anyone. The fact that you know the wavelength for the Shortwave and Medium Wave bands it picks up will only get you one response from people. “NERD!!!” At least the 9-Volt Battery in it still works. Go ahead, taste the terminals.

Capricorn

We warned you last week not to be a lazy liar, and you came through for us all. Good job! Some of us were worried you’d just fall back on your old standard lies, but you got creative, so we’ll give credit where credit is due. (Hey, guys? I don’t think they’re buyin’ it. Who do I owe money on this bet?)

Aquarius

(Don’t worry, we’ll just put the money in the kitty for the end-of year staff pizza party.) We know pizza is a sacred commodity to you. You would never sully it with things like ‘pineapple’! Just remind people that Fruit Doesn’t Belong On Pizza and you’ll have people so confused they’ll HAVE to agree with you!

Pisces

Sorry to screw with you like this, but it’ll make sense as the week goes on: Hi-5 was a pre-school kid’s show from Australia, whose logo was a cartoon hand. High C’s are best heard from Maynard Furguson’s Trumpet, not from inside a boat, and definitely should NOT be drunk from a box. And last, all those image files you have hidden on your work computer under “C - Documents And Faxes - Documents - 2018 Reports - Financial Signoffs - McMillan Building Fiduciary - Excel Sheets”? Yeah, I.T. knows about those. The only way you’re getting back into a new job will be to move to Australia, pinch pennies by drinking Hi-C fruit boxes, and learning to play the trumpet in a band, ‘cause your finance job days are over.

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lethalneuroses · 6 years ago

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femslash february day 8

@nexstrik requested Symmbra, and here are some vaguely Symmbra-ish words!

The first messages are not unusual. She does not like to draw attention to herself, but Vishkar likes to flaunt their talent, and she is nothing if not talented. She appears at conferences and gives demonstrations and, of course, works on the ground. Vishkar’s networks utilize state-of-the-art security, but those smart and determined enough will always find a way.

Disturbing and lustful, most of the messages are. She forwards all of them to the appropriate channels to be blocked or dealt with and then deletes them from her own devices, but she can’t forget them. No matter how many there are, each one privately horrifies her. She does not understand how people can think and say such things to others, even with the comfortable medium of faceless communication over networks and distance. What has she done to warrant this?

During the company’s operations in Brazil, death threats become common, almost as common as the other kind. Anonymous people call her a monster, though of course they never use such a delicate word as that. She reads them all and feels like something inside herself is twisting and dying. She does not tell Sanjay how it makes her feel, because the response is obviously to just feel less. To harden herself. To become like the hard light she manipulates with such ease.

So when she receives the quick succession of messages, she thinks little of them.

dyk what Vishkar’s really up to?

s korpal has skeletons in his closet

keep it up and you will too.

xoxo साया

She forwards them to Security, and she deletes them, and she forgets them. They are tame compared to the others, and that is the only thing that sets them aside.

But they don’t stop coming, no matter how many times she forwards them to Security and Security assures her the problem is resolved. The messages reach her account again and again, always signed the same. They are never threatening, never outwardly aggressive in the way the others are. That almost makes them more concerning. Someone wants very badly to reach her, and for what? They echo the rhetoric she heard in Brazil and from critics around the world. They don’t understand what she or Vishkar is doing.

But it has been almost a year now, and she is very very curious, and she wants an answer. So she ventures to a café where the internet’s traffic is not scrutinized by her employers, and she drafts a response to the latest disposable email account.

You do not understand me or my work. Your allegations are unfounded and unwanted. I know what I am doing, and I know that it is helping the world.

S. Vaswani.

It is not even an hour later that she receives a response.

damn, you really are a true believer, aren’t you

you’re smart. you deserve better

start asking questions

xoxo साया

She needs to wait a few days before she can respond again; going off-campus is unlike her, and she does not want to attract attention. She is not obeying protocol. She should not be talking to this person, whoever they are and whatever they want.

Who are you? Why do you keep trying to contact me?

…

not asking me questions, vaswani

It morphs. Slowly, but it happens. She knows it is her own fault, knows that she is simply happy to have found someone to talk to. Someone outside Vishkar. Even if that someone is an amorphous and disconnected presence conveyed only by bits and electricity, about whom Satya knows sparingly little.

But she collects pearls of information and holds them close. She knows that they could be lies, knows that everything the mysterious Shadow tells her could, and perhaps is, utter fantasy. Yet she thinks it isn’t. She thinks it is sincere.

More accurately, she knows, she needs to believe it is sincere. Perhaps she is still simply too gullible. Trusting, like Sanjay says.

You need to start asking questions.

Shadow is a woman. She apparently possesses prodigious skill with computer systems, specifically infiltrating and manipulating those systems. Soon enough she creates an email for Satya to use and tells her that it can be used on Vishkar’s network without being compromised.

Quite possibly a lie. Perhaps this is an internal HR operation to test her own loyalty. Satya wonders if she’ll be fired, and suddenly her life seems like a blank void without the one thing to which she has devoted her entire life.

Mostly she collects details of little consequence. Shadow likes sweet rolls, or sweet anythings. She’s an avid listener of Lúcio Correia dos Santos and seems to find Satya’s personal dislike of the musician very amusing. She doesn’t have a job, or at least not one she will talk much about. She doesn’t know Hindi, despite the signoff name she uses.

She grew up without parents.

And she’s not a good person. She tells Satya that frequently enough that she should listen. Frequently enough, perhaps, that she should take it to heart.

But she doesn’t.

“Okay,” the voice rasps over her headphones. “Satisfied?”

It is not a computerized tone. It is not an omnic’s voice. It is warm and pleasant and very real against her eardrums.

You know what I look like, Satya said. You won’t even tell me your name. Please?

After some time, she’d gotten a response. Shadow wouldn’t send a picture, and she wouldn’t share her name. But she would talk to Satya, talk to her properly, and Satya could type instead of talking back if it made her more comfortable, which it very much did.

So now she types, I thought you might be an omnic.

Shadow laughs, and even if she is the butt of the joke, Satya finds the sound entrancing. It is a warm laugh to match the warmth of her voice. She thinks she could listen to that sound for a long time.

“Why? Because I’m good with computers? Nah, this is all acquired talent. Like you and building cities.”

Satya tries to place her accent, but it is difficult when she is focused on taking in each word, hearing each caress her ears.

I’m glad you’re not, she types.

“Why?”

She hesitates. It is a foolish thing to think, and more foolish still to admit. But she types out the words, and then she sends them, and they are out of her reach.

I like your voice.

She gets to hear Shadow’s little intake of breath, and then another laugh, quieter, different.

Shadow does not respond at once, and in the intervening time Satya knows it was a mistake to say it. It was a mistake to begin this correspondence at all. She should have blocked her and moved on. She should have told someone. But now it is too late, and she is in too deep, and she will never forget the voice on the other end of the line.

“I’m sure I’d like yours too, Satya,” Shadow says quietly, and somehow that response, the presence of her words again filling Satya’s ears, makes her panic recede.

It is still a mistake. This will still end badly.

But in the moment, just that moment, it doesn’t feel as if it will.

#symbra #symmbra #femslash february #natalie writes fanfic #original

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forestwater87 · 6 years ago

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Secret Santa 2018 - Chapter 2

Continuing my @campcamp-secretsanta gift for @pikablob! You can find Part 1 here.

CW: Something vaguely gore-adjacent. Lots of angst, because all Dadvids have angst, and I’m kinda doing All the Dadvids.

(One evening Gwen returns to the cabin to find Harrison sleeping on Nurf’s shoulder while the older boy plays on his phone. He gives her a challenging look -- not quite angry, but a fierce “what of it?” that chases the smile from her face until she’s safely out of view.

Later that evening he gives Harrison a wedgie and David worries that they’re not getting along.

She tells him they’re getting along as well as any brothers can be expected to.)

CHAPTER TWO: HARRISON

Harrison appears in the middle of dinner. Literally.

One moment Gwen’s debating Nurf about the finer details of the true-crime documentary they’ve been watching on her parents’ stolen Netflix account --

poof

“Holy Jesus farts!”

“Oh my gosh, oh my god what is that --”

whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck

-- the next the room is filled with screaming, knocking-over-chairs-to-get-away-from-the-table pandemonium.

Quartermaster, somehow, is the one who recovers first. He’s not even in the room; the door to the Mess Hall bangs open -- a rush of icy air, screams starting anew at the sudden noise and the terrifying silhouette of a hooked figure in the doorway -- and he stumps his way in. He bysteps David, who fell backward at some point in the last twenty seconds and has just managed to get to his knees -- Nurf, holding his plate up like a shield, ignoring the sauce dripping down it onto the clump of spaghetti that covers his shoes -- and finally Gwen, who’s somehow still at her seat, sitting and staring at the middle of the table and the apparition that appeared on it -- and scoops Harrison up by his collar, holding him with his toes brushing the floor and the back of his shirt impaled on QM’s hook.

Quartermaster grunts. “Child’s here.”

She manages to find her voice somewhere in the airtight tangle of her vocal chords. “Yeah. Huh.”

“‘S’not the usual one.” He jabs his hook, Harrison dangling from it like a large Christmas ornament, in Nurf’s direction.

“No, it isn’t. That’s . . . Harrison. He was here last summer.” Despite everything, Gwen feels strangely calm. “You can put him down now, QM. Thanks.”

He grunts once more, inclining his head slightly toward her, and dumps Harrison onto the floor. He shuffles out without another word -- though no one really notices, not when their attention is so thoroughly arrested on the former camper, who pulls his knees up to his chest and buries his wet face in them. Startled silent by the Quartermaster (who has that effect on people), Harrison begins crying again, huge barking sobs that were drowned out by their screaming at first but are thunderously loud now that the room has gone silent.

Gwen realizes one hand is holding a wand. The other is holding an arm.

David steps closer to Harrison, kneeling down after a moment and touching the boy’s shoulder with one shaky hand. “Um, h-hey, buddy --”

Harrison jolts from the contact like it’s a cattle prod, curling in tighter around himself with a damp gasp and shaking his head violently.

“I didn’t mean to -- I just wanted -- he was --”

Nurf moves until he’s standing next to Gwen. “He’s in shock,” he says, with the unflappable confidence of a kid. Lowering his voice so only she can hear, he mutters, “You’re supposed to slap someone when they’re in shock.”

“Don’t even think about it,” she whispers back, putting one hand between his meaty shoulder blades. It grounds her, makes everything seem a little less surreal. “Go get a blanket from the supply room.”

Nurf shrugs but looks thoughtful. “Guess that works, too.” As he heads off toward the back of the building, he adds quietly, “Probably not as well though.”

“It’s okay,” David’s murmuring. He tugs gently on Harrison’s shoulder, pulling him into an awkward half-hug and petting his hair. “It’s okay, shh, it’s okay . . .”

“I just wanted to bring him back for Christmas,” Harrison manages. The words sound like they’re choking him.

Unsure what else to do, Gwen starts cleaning up what’s left of dinner.

It takes a while to coax Harrison into a state calm enough to talk. He stops crying after they get him wrapped up in one of David’s knitted blankets, tucked in so thoroughly that only his head sticks out of the lumpy wool, but he’s pale and silent. He fought hard when they tried to take the arm, so it’s sitting on his knees like a sword.

(David pulls Gwen aside, vibrating with barely-controlled panic, and whispers that it’s not a mannequin arm, it’s bloodless and cold but it’s skin real skin and oh golly Gwen he felt hair on it -- )

(She tells him to go get another blanket, because she doesn’t know what to do with anyone and it’s either blankets or slapping and she wants to set a good example for the kids.)

The kids.

Her kids, temporarily.

Her weird, violent, dismembered-arm-holding kids.

This is without a doubt the strangest year of her life.

She turns on the TV, partly to distract Nurf -- who’s been staring at Harrison with unabashed curiosity since everyone stopped screaming -- and partly just to have something to cut through the silence. When David returns laden with so many blankets that half of them are trailing on the ground, cold and soggy from their snowy trip from the Mess Hall, she tells him to hang the wet ones up to dry and goes into their bedroom.

There, sitting on her bed with David’s handwritten address book balanced on one knee and Woody, his dumb stuffed log, in her lap, Gwen dials the number for the Willis household -- one she rarely has to reach out to, because as much trouble as Harrison causes it’s rarely something a fire extinguisher and a stern talking-to (David’s words) can’t fix.

He’s a good kid.

Dangerous -- perhaps she didn’t realize how dangerous until he Apparated onto their dining room table with a severed limb -- but a good kid nonetheless.

His mother sounds tired and a bit harried when she answers, but not frantic. “He’s where?” she asks, when Gwen explains the situation (minus the arm and hysterical crying parts). “He said he was . . . when he practices his -- gifts we usually . . .” Her voice pulls away from the phone. “Claude, can you check on Harrison? He’s out back.”

He isn’t, Gwen thinks, but she keeps her mouth shut. She’s always on eggshells with Harrison’s parents; they both seem so fragile, and it feels like any wrong word could cause a meltdown.

She waits through a few minutes of quiet, then a quick, muffled conversation. Finally Mrs. Willis (Carol, reads David’s jagged handwriting in the address book) returns to the phone. “You say he’s there? Is he safe?”

“Uh . . . yeah. Sure.” Physically speaking.

“Can I talk to him?”

She glances at the closed bedroom door, gnawing on her lip. “Maybe not right now?” she says awkwardly. “He’s really tired from the, you know, journey.”

“I see.” There’s something heavy in her voice, a kind of knowing that sits like a weight on Gwen’s chest. “But he’s really all right?”

She decides she’s going to double down on the lying, though she’s not sure who she’s protecting. “Oh, definitely. Fit as a fiddle, or . . . something.”

“And you’ll have him call me as soon as he’s feeling better?” The earnestness in her tone is oddly touching.

“Totally.”

She mentally prepares herself for signoff -- and for dealing with whatever’s waiting for her in the other room -- when Carol speaks again, almost too quietly for Gwen to catch. “Maybe it’s for the best.”

“Huh? What was that?”

“He seems so happy there. Like he can be himself without . . .” She sighs, and there’s a world of misery in it, a story Gwen can barely begin to guess at. “Maybe things would be better if he . . . Never mind. Please have him call.”

Gwen hangs up the phone, wondering if she just witnessed something profound, something that looking back will seem like a turning point.

“Don’t be stupid,” she mutters, climbing out of bed. At the last minute she grabs Woody and brings it into the living room with her.

David somehow managed to get both Nurf and himself into blankets, and the three of them sit facing the TV in a neat row on the couch. The light from the screen washes out their faces, making them look like ghosts wrapped up like burritos -- or in straitjackets. She sets Woody on David’s lap and takes a seat in an adjacent chair. David’s arms are bound too tight to pick up the log, but he beams at Gwen and then smiles down at it, wiggling slightly to get it more securely settled in his lap.

Nurf’s eyes dart from the TV to Gwen, an obvious question in them. She shakes her head slightly; Harrison hasn’t looked away from the television -- though she suspects he’s not actually watching it -- but his posture went stiff and still once she entered the room.

She clears her throat uncomfortably. “So, uh. I talked to your mom.”

Harrison flinches, his eyes dropping from the direction of the TV to his feet.

“She wants you to call when you’re up to it.”

He nods at the floor, his shoulders drooping.

“There’s no rush,” she adds, surprising herself -- because if there’s one thing they don’t need and she certainly doesn’t want, it’s another kid to deal with in her off-season. But Harrison looks like he’s wilting under the pressure of something she can’t fathom, and apparently David’s softened her, because she can’t help but think the Willises could all use a break. She leans forward and reaches out toward the arm, drawing back before Harrison can worry she’s taking it away from him (or she has to touch that apparently-real skin). “But we should also probably talk about that.”

His gaze flicks up to hers suddenly, anguish she’s scared she could drown in. “It was gonna be a Christmas present,” he whispers, his voice barely cutting through the soft fuzz of the TV. “I thought Mom and Dad . . . and after everything I’ve learned here, I thought . . .” He looks down at the arm and his voice wavers. “I just wanted to bring him back.”

Tears drop on the pale, dead limb.

“This was all I got.”

“You should think of it as good news,” David says the next afternoon. They’re in the food court of Sleepy Peak Mall, hunched over lukewarm Chinese. As holiday shoppers stream past, parting around their small island of a bolted-down table and the small pile of shopping bags at their feet, he and Harrison could be in their own little world. “Your powers are getting so much better!”

He doesn’t add that he’s sure Harrison will be able to summon the rest of his little brother in no time. Even he isn’t quite optimistic enough to try and encourage something so dangerous.

After a conversation with his parents, it is quietly agreed that it would be for the best if Harrison spends the rest of the school year at the camp. David watches the panic grow in Gwen’s eyes at the thought of their little family growing, and throws himself into preparations, reassuring them both that this will be easy and fun. He doesn’t even let her take the day off work, shooing her out the door like any other morning. He knows she’ll be more comfortable somewhere familiar and grown-up, and he has the day off, so he’ll be just fine! (Nurf isn’t thrilled about suddenly having to share the other counselors’ bedroom, but he surprisingly doesn’t complain -- just shoves all of his things to one side of the room and reminds David that they’re keeping the spare cots in the supply shed, and to check for bugs and mice before bringing it in. David has to blink and look away to keep from tearing up with pride.)

A quick shopping trip for clothes and supplies, and David’s feeling like he has quite the handle on things.

(If his heart rate has been a little high all morning and he can’t stop his leg from bouncing, that’s just the excitement. Certainly he has nothing to be anxious about!)

It’s only been a few hours but he’s already reworking his Nurf Plans, altering them for Harrison and developing new ones that more closely fit the boy’s personality. Harrison is much more talkative than Nurf, even now, and David finds that a few well-placed questions and words of praise perk him up whenever he starts looking gloomy. He’s a very open person in a way that Nurf isn’t -- eager to please and even more so to talk about magic (illusions, right. He has to remember they’re called illusions). Even when there’s tension crackling at the edges of the conversation, landmines that David does his darn best to step widely around, there’s still conversation and that’s a world of difference from the first weeks, let alone days, with his other year-round camper.

Now, though, with shopping done and nothing but a few minutes’ worth of orange chicken in front of them, he can’t stop Harrison from worrying at the thought that’s been stuck at the front of his mind all day. “He doesn’t have an arm anymore,” he mumbles, prodding at his food with the wrong end of a chopstick. “Wherever Dyl is, he’s missing an arm and it’s my fault. Nurf says people can die from losing an arm.”

David sighs. He’ll have to have a stern talking-to with Nurf about when thoughts should be kept on the inside instead of spoken out loud. “Oh, I’m sure he’s all right!” he replies, looking down at his chicken. Queasiness lurches his stomach and he quickly returns his gaze to Harrison’s downcast face. “That’s usually from . . . well, from blood loss, and there wasn’t any! I’ll bet Dylan is right as rain.”

Harrison just shrugs and takes a reluctant bite, and they finish their food in silence.

It isn’t until they’re driving back home that it occurs to him that he overlooked something important. “Hey, Harrison?” he says, glancing away from the road to put an uncertain hand on the boy’s shoulder. “It’s not your fault, bud. Whatever happens.”

He doesn’t say anything back, but the quiet between them feels a little bit lighter.

They can’t depend on Campbell for any more shrink money -- the Millers already think he’s seeing a counselor, and it’d be hard to explain why he’d need two -- but Harrison’s parents are surprisingly generous. “We had him speak to someone after Dy -- after his brother . . . after that incident,” his mother says over the phone, “but he always seems so confident, when he said he didn’t need to go anymore we believed him.”

Harrison is confident, especially that he doesn’t need therapy. Once the check comes in the mail, Gwen sets up an appointment, and he spends the entire week before arguing that there’s nothing wrong with him except that he needs to control his illusions, and if they really wanted to help him they would sign him up for some real magic classes.

Gwen snaps back that it’s not like there’s a fucking Hogwarts to send him to and they’re doing the best they can, and he backs off immediately -- not apologizing, but going quiet and shrinking like a bad dog. After that they don’t bring up the subject again, and he goes with Nurf to counseling without an argument.

Does it help? It must.

Or maybe time just works its own form of magic.

Because by the time the grass begins to peek through the gray-dirty snow, Harrison is like he was at camp: arrogant, a showoff, unshakably confident in his own excellence yet also needy for attention and validation. He surprises both counselors (and delights David) by being snuggly; he’s self-conscious like any other preteen boy, especially when Nurf is around to make fun of him, but he sits too close on the couch and instinctively hugs them goodnight.

Later that evening he gives Harrison a wedgie and David worries that they’re not getting along.

She tells him they’re getting along as well as any brothers can be expected to.)

The money continues arriving, more or less on a monthly basis. Each check is bundled with a letter, usually from Harrison’s father -- “He expresses his feelings better in writing,” Carol Willis explains to Gwen and David, in phone calls that begin daily, then gradually become less frequent until by the time Harrison is in high school he only speaks to his mother once or twice a year.

But in all that time the checks keep coming like clockwork, and so do the letters.

Neither of them know what the letters say; Harrison’s usual chattiness dries up when it comes to his family, and they’ve made it a point to respect their campers’ privacy. Although once when David is rummaging around the boys’ room for their most recent report cards -- he’s making a gold-star system for the new quarter, and he wants to set reasonable-but-optimistic expectations for each of them -- he finds the last page of a letter. He doesn’t deliberately read any of it but his eyes snag on the last line like a fishhook:

“I want you to remember it’s okay, Harrison. It’s not your fault.”

He sets it aside and resumes his search, finding another letter at the bottom of a pile of drawings (costume designs for Harrison the Magnificent). And at the bottom, the same final words.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

A bookmark in one of his comic books:

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

Fallen behind his dresser. Under his bed. Crammed into his backpack.

“It’s not your fault.”

By the time he finds the report card he can barely read it, the letters swimming and blurring together. He wipes his eyes with his sleeve and quickly abandons the room, holding the slightly-crumpled paper to his chest.

He wonders how many times a child can be told something’s not their fault before they become convinced it must be.

As Harrison’s collection of letters grows, so does his comfort with the new situation. Gwen notices her book collection being slightly rearranged -- things keep disappearing, and when she finds them again she swears they’re never in the place she left them -- but it isn’t until Quartermaster knocks on her door one evening, Harrison dangling by the collar from his hook, that she realizes just how bored the kid is. He and Nurf can use Gwen’s laptop for homework when the ancient camp computer breaks down, but otherwise that creaking old machine is his only non-school connection to the outside world; and he doesn’t take to the camp like Nurf does, listlessly exploring the empty stations and the surrounding woods but never able to entertain himself with it for more than an hour. He helps David out with repairs when asked, but he also tries to speed things up with magic (with results ranging from “kinda cool” to devastating).

Then QM interrupts -- well, it doesn’t matter what he interrupts but suffice it to say, David is incredibly embarrassed and Gwen is not in the mood for any bullshit -- to deliver Harrison back into their care. It takes a few minutes (that she’s still very much not in the mood for) to wheedle out of him that he’d been “looking for supplies” in the Quartermaster’s Store, and a few more to get him to admit that he’d just been curious, and bored, and looking for something to read.

The next morning she borrows the campmobile to get their strange little family a library card, and comes home with the backseat full of magic-related books, children’s fiction, and anything else that seemed like it might appeal to a ten-year-old boy with a tendency to accidentally blow things up.

To her surprise, all three of her housemates divvy up the books with enthusiasm. She’s also surprised when Nurf and Harrison nearly come to blows/firefight over the biography of Richard Potter, and even more so when it abruptly ends because The Hobbit catches Nurf’s attention. (She is not even remotely shocked when David uses the kids’ argument to snatch up a couple sappy-looking children’s novels. Or when he spends the next several minutes deliberately avoiding eye contact once he realizes she noticed.)

There are a lot of almost-fights as the boys get used to sharing a living space. Gwen would never in a million years have put Harrison and Nurf in the same tent -- if she could, she’d put them in separate campgrounds -- but now that they’re stuck sharing a room, she and David are always on-call to referee, break up fights, and patch up physical and emotional injuries. The first few weeks are a constant backdrop of yelling children.

Gwen looks into the cost of getting her tubes tied more than once. (She can’t afford it.)

Then one evening Harrison’s moping dramatically in their small living room, draped across the back of Gwen’s chair as he wonders aloud (again) why Nerris doesn’t seem to like him. Without looking away from The Fellowship of the Ring, Nurf says, “She feels threatened that you can do tangible magic, and the way you’re always showing it off makes things worse.”

Harrison lifts his head, scrambling to keep his hat in place. “Really? Did she say that?”

Nurf does glance up then, fixing Harrison with an incredulous glare (which David will later insist he picked up from Gwen). “No, fart-face. I have keen observational skills, which you should seriously consider developing.”

“Be nice!” David calls over from the other side of the room, looking up from the beaker he’s whittling to frown at them. Nurf scowls and returns to reading, his finger slowly moving across the page to keep his place.

After a few minutes of silence, Harrison sidles over to the couch, perching next to Nurf’s feet like he’s worried about being kicked (which isn’t an irrational fear). “So,” he mumbles, shooting him a sideways glance before exaggeratedly inspecting his fingernails, “you can just . . . tell things about people? By looking at them?”

Nurf doesn’t respond, though his finger stops moving and his scowl deepens.

“Can you teach me?”

“You’re kind of self-absorbed, Harrison. It probably won’t work.” He sighs heavily. “But my therapist says it’s good to be helpful instead of always resorting to violence, so . . . yeah. Fine.”

Suddenly his leg shoots out, kicking Harrison in the thigh and knocking him from the couch with a yelp.

“Be nice!”

“What was that for?” Harrison demanded, climbing to his feet and rubbing his leg.

Nurf shrugged, returning to his book. “You can’t expect me to improve all in one day. I’m just a kid.”

Summer rolls around again. David, after a few conversations Gwen’s surprised to find Nurf takes seriously, takes it upon himself to sign Nurf up for two camps: Football and Carpentry, one of the handful of new activities they’re trying out. Harrison remains in Magic Camp, which he never really needed an official “camp” for anyway; he so far outstrips Gwen and David in terms of talent that they can’t look up anything online or in a book that he couldn’t, so they leave him, like last summer and like the rest of the year, to continue to teach himself. He can now summon water as well as fire, which makes both counselors much less worried about leaving him to practice alone, and is very excited about something called “transmutation.” (He’s tried to explain it to both of them several times, but they still don’t really understand what it means.)

He hasn’t mentioned anything about trying to summon his brother again. They haven’t asked.

Most of the campers, to their surprise, return. Neil returns complaining about Science Camp (though he begrudgingly admits that the conditions are somewhat less dangerous than last year). Ered returns despite what the Millers assure David and Gwen are “very serious misgivings,” and with the understanding that the camp will be under very close federal inspection. Nikki returns and immediately tries to pee on the flagpole to “mark her place” again, and Space Kid, just like last year, immediately fell trying to climb off the bus and gets his helmet coated in mud.

Max returns, too. David has been fluttering with nervous anxiety ever since they received his camp application form, but his most challenging camper greets him like no time has passed, responding to his “Welcome back to Camp Campbell!” with rolled eyes and a tired “suck a dick, David” before immediately seeking out Nikki and Neil.

(David tries not to get emotional when Nikki sweeps the other two up in enthusiastic hugs. He fails, and quickly turns his attention to helping Nerris untangle her cape from the bushes to recover himself before Max can notice.)

Summer happens.

It feels just as endless as it always does, and just like always, it ends far too soon.

#campcamp #camp camp roosterteeth #gwenvid #dadvid #cc harrison #cc david #cc gwen #cc nurf #campcamp secret santa #forestwriting #please appreciate nurf getting into tolkien #and these dorky brothers #apologies for it getting kinda dark but i do kinda feel like it fits #the ending will be happy #or at the very least happy-adjacent

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atmilliways · 6 years ago

Text

Stuck on the Outside Failing to Look In (Just Like in Real Life)

This @mtl-trick-or-treat fic is for @tanyonlee, who asked for either a treat of “Very cute Skwistok!!” or a trick of “Skwisgaar and his gmiltf girlfriend XDDD.”

It’s your lucky Halloween dude, because I wrote BOTH. In five parts. I hope you like 8300+ word fics. 💩

Here’s part one! (1412 words)

Excerpt from Skwisgaar Is Ams Dick by T. Wartooth, chapter four (“Skwisgaar Is Ams Slut”), pages 132-133:

Everyones knows that Skwisgaar will does just abouts anybodies. That ain’ts the halfs of it! Every times ol’ Toki starts talkings to a beautiesful girl, Skwisgaar rolls right ups and starts the whisperings horny nothings to her ear what’s like I’m not theres. Fucking rudes! Then he goes and screws thems. Sometimes they don’t even bothers to leaves the room! And it’s not evens like whats the ladies are really sluts. Some ofs them ams real nice, whats have hopes and dreams and real goods teeth and everything. Some even haves the boobs thats am all naturals, just like mothers makes ‘em, though nots veries often ‘cause most groupies gets them sized ups whats to catch our attention betters.

But anyways, the ladies ain’ts the sluts, Skwisgaar ams. The ladies only wants to sleeps with likes four, maybies five guys, because we ams super mega famous. Skwisgaar ams the ones who doesn’ts cares whos he puts the you-know-whats sausage into sides of as longs as he gets to does it! You barlies ever see his ass with the sames lady twice!! He ams physicallies uns-capable of even gettings that close to settling downs and I can proves it. Ins this chapter I wills...

“... In other news, Toki Wartooth seems to be on the Toki Warpath! He’s been arrested seventeen times in the last two months alone, and at last night’s Dethklok concert in Washington DC actually lept from the stage and started it all-out brawl. The incident ended up outing several ultra-conservative Senators and House Representatives as closet Dethklok fans, despite having made so much effort to distance themselves from the group in the past. Thanks to the staff at prominent DC hospitals that leaked copies of the intake forms to the press, they’ve got quite a bit of explaining to do to their constituents.

“And that’s the Dethklok Minute!”

Groupie Debriefing Transcript

ID: 174849464438

[ x] Returning [ x] Approved for return

On file:

[ x] Pain waiver [ x] STI screen upon arrival [ x] STI screen prior to debriefing [ ] Paternity waiver [ x] Medical record of infertility due to [ ] Hysterectomy [ ] Tubal ligation [ x] Menopause [ ] Other: ________

Name: Beulah Rosenberg

Rating: GMILF

Debriefing Agent: 7982

7982: Please state for the record which members of Dethklok you interacted with on this visit.

ROSENBERG: Just Skwisgaar.

7982: Skwigelf?

ROSENBERG: Is there more than one Skwisgaar floating around here, dear?

7982: Just being thorough, ma’am.

ROSENBERG: Oh good. I don’t think he would like that, he’s a very sensitive boy you know. Being unique is very important to him.

7982: I’m aware, ma’am. And what was the purpose of your visit?

ROSENBERG: I don’t kiss and tell, dear.

7982: Um, okay. And you were with him from approximately 3:15pm yesterday to 8:45am this morning, is that correct?

ROSENBERG: That sounds about right. And we spent most of that time talking, for your information.

7982: Talking? With Lord Skwigelf? Instead of, uh... I mean, isn’t that a bit unusual? In your experience? Which... you’ve been on file here for several years now.

ROSENBERG: Eight years, nine next September. It is a bit of a change, but not necessarily a recent one. He’s been more introspective ever since... I’d say a little bit before his little band mate got kidnapped, but definitely more so after that.

7982: And I see from our records that he’s been requesting your presence more often since roughly that time. Was all that, uh, mostly taking as well?

ROSENBERG: Well... mostly.

7982: Grandma!

ROSENBERG: Oh for god’s sake, don’t be such a prude, Denis.

Therapy session transcript 5-625148-TW, excerpt:

TWINKLETITS: So what’s been on your mind lately, Toki? What’s going on in that noggin?

WARTOOTH: Nothings.

TWINKLETITS: Toki, Toki. You’ve got to be honest in this room, okay buddy? It’s been a big year. Lots of things going on. Lots of things that sooner or later you’re gonna have to face head-on one way or another, and wouldn’t it be nice to do that in a safe, supportive environment?

WARTOOTH: Not reallies.

TWINKLETITS: I know what’s been going on. You’ve been picking fights, breaking windows... you’re scaring people, Toki. All your friends are worried half to death about you.

WARTOOTH: [unintelligible]

TWINKLETITS: That’s a big load of bull pats. Why would they go through all that trouble to get you back if they didn’t care?

WARTOOTH: The bands—

TWINKLETITS: They found you. Do you think that was easy?

WARTOOTH: [unintelligible]

TWINKLETITS: Toki, have they talked to you at all about what it was like getting to you?

TWINKLETITS: Toki?

WARTOOTH: [unintelligible]

WARTOOTH: Noes.

TWINKLETITS: Well they told me. They didn’t have any idea what they were doing, but they went anyway, and followed any crazy idea they could pull out of their asses to do it. Pickles guessed they should look in the place where you played your very first gig as a member of Dethklok—

WARTOOTH: The Depths of Humanities? That shitshole?

TWINKLETITS: Exactly! And Skwisgaar—

WARTOOTH: I don’ts wants to talk about that asshole! Fucking bastards don’t gots no time for anything but sluts—

TWINKLETITS: Toki, no!

WARTOOTH: [unintelligible yelling, smashing furniture]

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

CC: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]

Subj: Consider this a band meeting

Skwisgaar, I don’t know why Dr. Twinkletits is still calling me, but can you think of any reason Toki might be angry with you?

Kind regards,

Charles F. Ofdenson

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]

Subj: Re: Consider this a band meeting

uSUal reason right? not giving hm sodas? back ne up her gays

8=====D doodily doodily dooo

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]

Subj: Re: Re: Consider this a band meeting

SOLOS!

8=====D doodily doodily dooo

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Consider this a band meeting

No. He’s just still fucked up from being kidnapped.

Hey Charles, you ever going to fucking visit us man? Thought you were hamburger time again. Answer your phone when I text you. Dick.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: Consider this a band meeting

Hey fuckfaces,

You’re all wrong!!! Take it from me, a real lady’s man. He’s upset over some chick who went and broke his stupid heart!!! I’ll take some booze over to his room later, we’ll talk it out, problem solved. Nailed it. ;)

—WM

ps, What’s with the “kind regards” signoff, Charles? Pretty gay.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Consider this a band meeting

ahahahahha mface thinks charlies pretty

cuz hes gay mface is gay THATS THE JOOKE

8=====D doodily doodily dooo

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Consider this a band meeting

OK, thank you for all your responses.

Pickles — That’s a good idea, it could be the lack of solos. I appreciate your input.

Nathan — Recent trauma is also a strong possible explanation as to why Toki has been acting out lately. Also, I am sending you a text right now. Please text back whenever convenient, and perhaps we can schedule an actual call.

William — I’m not sure alcohol is necessary in this situation, but otherwise I agree, Toki would probably benefit from having a friend to talk to right now.

If anyone could advise me as to why Skwisgaar is not replying to emails, that would be appreciated. Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Kind regards,

Charles F. Ofdenson

#my fanfiction #my fanfic #metalocalypse #skwistok #mtl trick or treat #baby i'm sorry (not sorry)#the formatting reads better on a browser than the mobile app

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cipzi-shop · 4 years ago

Text

Daddy 2020 Mask The One Where I Was In Lockdown T Shirt

It will come out for another year they talked about a Daddy 2020 Mask The One Where I Was In Lockdown T Shirt lotand for those you estimate the LiveWire late last probably is one of the pioneer the pilot dealers so I will be getting the LiveWire for sure next year so if you’re interested in the electric vehicles that me out because I will have a lot of content with the LiveWire when it comes out but it will be out for the year person hears a some more trikes death to you got traction control is trike replacement braking system drag towards the control noted they went away from the air suspension guys they went away from their suspension on the like now know I glad to have you got an adjustable hand adjusted between preload now yes the audio also limits of the 114 guys the regular ultra classic they have a 107 still the blue say is gorgeous guys I shot the CVO’s at the beginning of this video so you want to seeand you can realign this videoand I publish it now by Mr Max on beer for sure I said is a good bid I like John I saw a lot of a last request guysand on to stop every sinand at 50 minutes yeah those are new socks that five I guide the reader to haul the suspense I try glideand add traction controland now the trikes got a big improvement this year were seeing Mario is Mario I night I severally know you got any magenta Chinese got major overall this year thanks guys every sellout thank you very much any last request some Mike legacy yeah I could figure out a is a 48 so I was out of the 48 as is the electric are on the Blue Max as they call it Blue Max nothing different on the Fortier guys you will you will come as a question of the details of the 48 know the 40 I’m sure use a custom paint color so that can you look differently at 48 the 42 usually painted on the minor regular 40 right now they added the case on a 48 the Blue Max different that the custom color that electricity lines on it my favorite like so farand I’m a fan so far the ethics field is newand fresh I think the mass by five to buy a brand new bike this year it was a CDL I like the new CVO road by Xeroxand I seriously but still it’s hard to say guys that I still love my street by special 35 guys in my history by special again yeah the diner is gone sorry I no more Dina guys for United guys out there the new soft those are better for as much as people don’t like to except that then you thought the frame is better than the old Dina’s so suck it upand gastric Bob or low rider Arafat Bob because they are better bikes I got close friend employees are giving her Dina’s right now to get a new soft out because they’re coming to the reality that the new framing is not the frame is better fly guys on the signoff in the uppermost in our if you want to see some new stuff you can realign this videoand check out some of the silicon thought you got The 2020 roadster which is’s performance focused sportsterand I think that indicator of performance is going to be the frontand despite got a outside our frontand from chalets need to build this breaks what those two things do get a lot of confidence under braking getting a lot of suspension performance in your rang a little bit more aggressively the way to achieve is with a little bit stiffer front suspensionand easily get really hard on the brakes not have a lot of break guide to help you control the movement of the bikeand is still this breaks they can really prevent any kind of break fate so when you Canyon Road stopping at high speeds overand over again experience that letter starting to get softerand softer we just saw there that we had Abdul lines going towards the front brakes what those dude is that it is indicated this bike is equipped ABS which is optional on this model the guy a low set of handlebars relatively low barley standards which was in a slightly forward leaning writing position does make you feel it’s for your overall security analog tachometer with the digital speedometer I think I really also indicates the performance focused nature of this bike making tachometer front center in day lets you know exactly where you are me the engine gradsand as you shiftand downshift more accurately little more confidence this is the 3. 5 million words according to Caro we’re taught Lord Acton’s axiom all power corruptsand absolute power corrupts absolutely I believe that when I started these books but I don’t believe it’s always true anymore what I believe is always true about power is that power always reveals when you have enough power to do what you always wanted to do NEC with the guy always wanted to do so that an email that quickly mean the thing we spent the last eight seasons assessing overand are now months late getting to our spicy hot takes a big thingand say the stories don’t need to have a point or weren’t intended to have a point that this was intended to have a point since it ended with Dragon burning the symbol for such a character driven show really the main issue down to that the charactersand we will start with the fact that by the end of the show the Indy outlined a lot of plot points without giving much thought as to how characters might be motivated to reach those plot points to a huge chunk of season eight is spent on dialogue rationalizing plot points that don’t really make sense the student be half as many as a beautiful green snow should do nothing today lifted the moment the case fell the battle was over to a friend that just burned 54 in the county know they don’t make sense of they have to spend a lot of time rationalizing them is on memory keep all the stories in order for the plot to progress as outlined everyone especially characters in earlier seasons were defined by the cunningand intelligent decayand a total dummy woman is my season eight this was you might say foreshadowed in season seven by little fingers downfall which only works of every character involved in the subplot took a bunch of stupid pills that you little finger doesn’t like that Ari is back so he tries to pit the two sisters against each otherand play some surviving for some reason despite knowing what an untrustworthy ass hat he is that I now switcheroo stand accused of metadata stand accused of treason how do you want charges Bayless hello everyone knocks down many an intelligence unit watches this worthless subplot bleed out on the floor because the character of little finger is redundant nowand we don’t know what to do with him so goodbye to it takes Ariand sunset entire season to realize they’re being played over nothing basically but here in season seven everyone cut a case in addendum’s which only worsens in season eight forgot about beerand sleep in the idea that the sisters were on the little fingerand were just playing along the whole time is good head cannon in theory by well here’s a quote from Isaac instead writing plays brand actually seen that clearly got cut a short scene with salsa where she knocks on brands doorand says I need your help or something along those lines so basically as far as I know the story was that it suddenly occurred to something that she had a huge CCTV department at her discretionand it might be a good idea to check with him first before she gets her own sister so he just ranand ran tells her everything she’s known she’s like oh no sounds you have been done duty after the should show that was season five sums onto stand there happy that at least one of the women got to be in charge without having to be put down Michael Geller that if we made for a moment be honest with ourselves her entire character has been one massive train wreck ever since season fiveand little fingers like hey Mary the son of the guy who murdered your entire familyand she’s like all okay this is the fast track to Raytown escapeand in season seven she completes her evolutionand the lady finger stripped of all Pecos because to be in the female empowerment shedding your humanity until you are a stone cold badass but you know the kind you only does some hideously inhumane executions to be clear I am not on the sponsor he trained I just think they popped a squad over her character just like they did everyone else my season eight everyone’s gushing over how smart something is she’s evolved into her final form unlike in earlier seasons where her intelligence would come out for these moments of her being more quick thinking that people expected and it would be bad the amount of ore by her playingand her enemies arrogance so you’ll be outside the gates the bank doesn’t discuss plans for super goes through grace to write to close reading about God’s they see my brother will you pretend she now gets these girl badass moments that built not on the lesson she learned includes landing is set on high sciences earlier defining attributes was her compassion that she cared about people despite the pain she was in the books she never loses essence of compassion but get smarter about figuring out who is worthy of itand who is playing her for their own advantage here in the show that warmth is totally extinguished compassionand appeals to goodness her friends not as a strength but as immature weakness that she needs to outgrow sheep little guy was she dreams you never learn new empowerment sunset doesn’t act like someone who would take pity on a drunk night in Joffrey’s wrath or someone who would have any ounce of empathy for someone like the house like she didn’t seem to something the Crips doesn’t bother trying to call me other womenand children what she did during the siege of King’s Landing in season two new empowerment song to spend the whole battle trash talking to NARA’s between final Dragon Queen who unlike salsa is out there risking her life out the tool will be dead season it keeps telling us what something is she thought that she smart that she shrewd but nothing in her actions support that earlier something would know to keep her mouth shut about someone she was suspicious of me while new empowerment sunset won’t shut up about how much she doesn’t like to NARA’s Y during some of the entire Kings landing storyline keeps herself alive by feigning loyalty to Joffreyand Circe with you paying for the cost have mercy on us all to me even if she did plan on undermining to NARA’s I guess the Indy kind of forgot that one of salsa’s most important lessons is when to feign respect to Delhi what dragons eat anyway whatever they want something evolution mirrors the Starks as a whole the compassionand ability to define the Starks is one of their biggest asset in the end they’re no better than the Lancers’s trust you will don’t know you know she’s not one of us change their house motto from winter is coming to you got mine because that’s female empowerment of the show runners I’m glad I got raped actually Mr the hound it made me a cool girl badass finger stayed in the so something is a northern separatist now for some reason even though now is not the time they remember what happened lost dragons both yet nothing nothing happened when a on the Conger invaded the North Bend the knee immediatelyand join the seven kingdoms without a fightand nobody died the countryside was not burning aided the time was called the King who knelt for a reason I guess someone kinda forgot they remember what happened lost dragons both sworn I read the lowest king in the north was tarring stock human needs my ancestor egg until Gary there are cases to be made for an independent North doing well in the past this whole situation in winter felt we have written for season eight data actually makes pretty good case for United seven kingdoms will you sure dead howling to feed the great the good thing we got to reach a part of the seven kingdoms which also happens to support the nurses claim it wasn’t even that they had it on lot before the NARA showed up with all these mouths to feed this time he wouldn’t have enough food special enough the armies of the North back to defend with how are we going to feed our own people was a problem at the beginning of the season is set upand promptly ignored what dragons eat anyway you know what salsa it doesn’t matter don’t worry your empowered little head about itand join us dragonsand supplies from other regions now that it’s winterand you all have a common enemy you seem determined to dislike like they did yesterdayand will get to the nearest but what they did the sauces depressing sauces only purpose the season is to have an unfounded suspicion of the nearest which only proves to be found in when the nurse does something completely nonsensical otherwise the nurse has essentially given all of her resources to defend winter felt east on the promise of the guy in chargeand salsa still like now I don’t like the cut of her gym Y by the end of the stupid dumb battle of winter felt the nurses prove yourself worthy of being a queen about as well as one can expect in this universe is forging alliances doing battle keeping her promises to her followersand to her allie The stink eye over to NARA’s makes no sense she never even lived to the target area is hurting her family the operative word Matt King burned her grandfatherand uncle to death but she sure did Circe you know their common enemy whose family wiped her own out sauces mistrust of the nurse only makes sense if you’re writing from the end forward telling us she is smartand her intelligence is really just writer clairvoyance giving salsa suspicions without giving her any reason to have them other than the writers know how the show will landand they want something to look smart Dragon Queen does not have to do them or maybe I do know sauces jealous because the nurse is pretty surely they would never come I anyway within the fan favorite recall that my seasoning held late season five is nothing to doand no reason to be here that people like him so here he is planning a different ending for bronze plate when I had some character development seven during the Lutra attack Ron loses his goal in a very symbolic moment even leaves it to risk his life in a big way to save Jamie with no mercenary reason for doing so is this a sign of character development is Braun changing his ways knowand guess who gets the worst subplot of all time you do you do you boys are of goldplated so Circe asked Bron to go murder her brothers as you do she do the trees Bron fast travels to winter felland holds the Met arrow pointand tells them he thinks their side will win because dragons so he blackmails Jamieand Terryand into giving him our God will hike better than okay so for those of you playing the home game high garden is the capital of the reach of the now extinct house Tyrelland the breadbasket of the seven kingdoms the most populous yes there are probably still many Tyrell’s next in line to claim the reach to say nothing of the other great houses in the reach with a much better claim to theand install certain no name is Lord of high garden because of black male under a queen that was only clean for five minutesand yeah that’s going to go over well with all these other lesser houses in the reach high God but okay we do not see Bron again into the finale where not only is now the master of coin money before the rules but hearing is apparently made good on that whole promise made it gunpoint thing so Braun will go to Fargo paramount reach of most of you should have written offand that good night liked Ariana Harris but okay here he is still cooland in a season has turned pretty much all the charactersand the stupid dumb dumb Zakaria situation for shit because the plot needs them to be open there is one character who tactical nosedive probably hurts the most one character was arguably done dirtier than the nearest season it’s Lord Ferris the best there is the master of whispers becomes the master of loud treasonous conversations great creek like Ron Taveras is a fan favorite but the show runners clearly had no idea what to do it after season for because his character starts wildly deviating from his passion but like to stuff you should select to pick up your shit out of I guess in his case they’d figure right around this laterand they did so by making the smartest guy in the realm of total dumb dumb there is in the books wants to instill a guy on the throne who may or may notand probably is not be the lost son of Ray Gardner egg on target areaand the next in line to the throne if we have a target area restoration fans call him saying on the show we don’t have they gone but there is need something to do so at the beginning of season five interiorand cross the narrow sea with the express intent to support the nurse now even though there is totally try to have her assassinated in season 1 last night it asked how to I do would have to be done apparently she’s willing to move past that is when the training of the Eno in a world where executions are routine this seems like kind of a reasonable threat he has tried to have her assassinated beforeand here we are one season later again with poisoning dragons but then in season eight he will she make a sad face at dinner meeting you’re not really getting to me runners I guess she does ignore his shitty advice which has no consistently been shitty ever since they got to West Roseand is in this case as it turns out wrong from a tactical perspective they do in the battle easilyand with minimal casualtiesand know they did next need to restand no food was never an issueand resources were never an issue so why bother having this conversation but there is finds out that John Snow is the actual egg on target areaand was he has the better claim to the throne does what he wantsand you know what is the season for some trees in the well I will dedicate myself to seeing you behind because I want to dragons in the best rationality can come up with Rivera’s wanting to support John over to NARA’s is the philosophy that the best person to rule is the person who specifically doesn’t want to rule if you consider the best to be someone who doesn’t want Robert was neither not local recently have no interest in being well meaning as John keeps failing upward so that tracks mentioned nominally being for the good of the realmand then immediately reversing your state the moment you see a young guy whose neighborhood County love him be like wow yeah that some leadership material right there is a map which makes them more appealing to the rules of Western the problem is only makes sense if you are the audienceand you seen John Snow’s temperament for the last eight seasons there is on the other hand has not there is no reason to like or trust John Snow other than he likedand trusted Ned gas who wasn’t actually his father anyway there’s only just met John Snowand in universe has no reason to think that he’s a better more tempered choice than to NARA’s unless he knows what the audience we the audience know about John Snow but from the outside looking in the narratives all over the place John Snow’s only been in charge of the North for like a weekand it’s kind of been a shit show came back sure what for the first three episodes of season she’s a war hero dragons that sacrifice half for troopsand one of those dragons to save humanity the only thing she doesn’t upset for that mildly questionable is the patient about wanting to takings landing except she’s not wrong about anything mentally have left exhausted the fight better if you have time to restand recuperate well clearly they don’t I promised you I would look you in the yardand speak directly if I ever thought you were making a mistake well maybe your advice shouldn’t have been so uniformly badand maybe he was mad that she went against his advice but that particular advice again ended up being wrong King landing was stupid easy to take because battles are easy now because we need to wrap this shit up the city last time it was attacked by note better than anyone it will for tomorrow’s based on what those dragons have the fortitude of hummingbirds up until now it seemed pretty evenly matched you know whatever Solaris who has sacrificed all the rally much power to the nearest immediately switches sides the second he discovers that there’s a poutyand decisive male alternative with great hair but the nearest has at this point done nothing to make Barris logically want to switch sides one time she went against her advisers advised before this was to save John Snow you know that guy that there is wants to betray to NARA’s forand so he starts telling everyone who John Snow is doing so makes more or less the exact same mistake that led start date in season one only way stupider this is way more recklessand way less motivated than what Ned did in season one John abdicated that other thing you can do I don’t want to never tell John Snow knew a guy who did abdicate until your mama screw this of John Snow Jones there’s a scene in the second episode of game of thrones season one in which John Snow asks Ned Stark met his motherand then responds with this stream burden motion to’s this is eventually going to come to something emotionally charged an important so are you even start with this long section from the moment in many ways John Snow is emblematic of everything wrong with the way the series handled its resolution a big emotional profound set up with the flaccid confusingand meaningless pay off from a plot perspective most of the major letdowns from all of the moment to set up are pretty much tied in the John Snow the Whitewater plot of which John was the key point of view character are plus L equals J the mystery of John’s parentage which kind of indirectly kicked off the plot of the whole show John Snow being brought back from the dead by the Lord of lightand of course John’s love for to NARA’s culminating with her murder done in an uncharacteristically dishonorable way after Johnson is resurrected they keep making this big deal about how he must’ve been brought back for a reason to you wants realize why I don’t know what indeed was the point well considering the call you did during the long night I’m guessing the Lord brought you back so you can blue ball to NARA making her go crazyand ultimately instill brand the broken on the throne good job Lord of late like her plot was this existential threatand been built up for eight seasons predicated on a historical long night that lasted an actual generationand nearly wiped out humanity last generation casos is making was John’s principal antagonistand his main motivation for the run of the show but not only was the big bus easily stepped away by a character that had nothing to do with the Whitewater plot the long night was about as long as a viewing of Titanic with a couple of bathroom breaks downand instead of merely living out humanity it wiped out about one half of one Army seamstress the author argues actually Western Markand we learned that after that’s done it doesn’t enter that the world of men was to preoccupied with political squabbles to worry about an endless fortified zombies because all you need to do in the existential threat is the one special knife of no importance is a recurring problem which ties in with what we were talking about the last episode subverting expectations despite the fact that it doesn’t work for the story are used training as a faceless man builds not at all to this could have been anyone with a strong tenure jump yeah the fact that the 19 focuses is wrap on Brandon John Snow means that Brandon John Snow should have been involved here is a Mina Jones now needed to do this but he needed some resolution other than spending the battle screaming at his new archenemy on the Dragon tended I also saw one idea that Shearman Cheney killed 19 you know bring that old Kingsley are thankful for that would’ve been cooland give Jamie a reason for existing but enough of it made sense John’s main motivation is farting out of existence without any of his involvementand after it’s overand the only thing that has materially changed apart from the bloodletting of a couple of supporting characters is that the nurse finds out about John being a target areaand which not only has nothing to do with the why walkers really think they have in this world it probably would have happened eventually anyway but with regard to John learning the truth about who he is never really reacts to it the King go talk to supervisionand protection of the realm of revelation is momentous especially someone like John Snow whose entire identity was wrapped around his pastor Ness starts Boston installed bus the dog Boston is about the ship. And I saw the importance of being awake and after I had my child I thank God every day for knowing what I know about these fucking every single one of them told their victims what we did is a secret don’t tell mommy or daddy that’s not a roll that’s how they roll but the story I wanted to you about my daughter was when she was an infant she was probably about a month or two old and you know they were people in the family that didn’t that had a problem with me for some reason they would always call DCF and send DCF to my house all the fucking time never came to visit the child will call DCF down these yet that child is sick and needs to be examined when this motherfucker has never been to the house to visit the fucking child once right now is ridiculous in itself so one day I get a call DCF and S Department of child children and families are important so I called these yet is cold it is rainy that they right and the DCM woman says we got an anonymous tip that your daughter was sick and we need to date we need to take a downtown for an examination

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sh00t · 7 years ago

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I was tagged by @baeringandwells 💕 you're awesome, Mel. :D

I tag @playfullywitty-signoff @scullysass @thedorkone @tinygrumpshaw @code-newyork @a-mi-zivi @shawroots @runawaynicominoru

1. last drink: hot chocolate 2. last phone call: Nemo :) 3. last text message: my roommate telling her when I'm coming back 4. last song you listened to: Mr. Brightside 5. last time you cried: I can't actually remember 6. dated someone twice? no 7. kissed someone and regretted it? no 8. been cheated on? no 9. lost someone special? my grandpa and a few residents at work I was really attached to 💔 10. been depressed? yes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up? 13 times bc of hockey socials. they go hard on dumb freshers (me)

fave colors: 12. yellow 13. red 14. purple in the last year have you… 15. made new friends? yes 16. fallen out of love? no 17. laughed until you cried? yeah! 18. found out someone was talking about you? yes, the tour sec was really confused and trying to figure out who I am. she was asking everyone, bc my official first name and what everyone calls me is different 😂 19. met someone who changed you? ofc, I'm constantly changing and learning something new from everyone I meet 20. found out who your friends are? err, no? what? 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? no general 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? all of them 23. do you have any pets? I wish 😭 24. do you want to change your name? no but only bc it's too much effort 25. what did you do for your last birthday? celebrated with family in London. Went to comic con and then a sushi restaurant and then a comedy show. Had cake. :D 26. what time did you wake up today? I woke up briefly at 10am but went back to sleep and got up at 12pm 27. what were you doing at midnight last night? rapping/singing in a karaoke room with 10 friends eating Chinese food and predrinking for the club 28. what is something you can’t wait for? Finding meeting Nemo ❤️ 30. what are you listening to right now? What If The Storm Ends by Snow Patrol 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? yes 32. something thats getting on your nerves? My family not communicating with each other and using me as a middle man. I have my own shit to do, why can't they just talk to each other directly instead 😩 33. most visited website: Google 34. hair color: dyed brown (from black) 35. long or short hair: either 36. do you have a crush on someone: my gf 37. what do you like about yourself: I'm open to new experiences 38. want any piercings? no 39. blood type: A+ 40. nicknames: my roommate regrettably calls me Bunny Bun 😂 41. relationship status: Nemo accepted my very delayed gf application form so :D 42. zodiac: Gemini 43. pronouns: she/her 44. fave tv shows: Person of Interest, Warehouse 13, Steven Universe 45. tattoos: fuck yeah. (I mean I don't have any yet but other people having them is 👀 💯 👌) 46. right or left handed: right 47. ever had surgery: no 48. piercings: ears 49. sport: field hockey! other things I try to do (key word being try) are football, karate, netball and rugby. 50. vacation: Germany, Greece and Australia!! People I love are there. 51. trainers: yes. (What's the question here?) more general 52. eating: sweets 53. drinking: nothing 54. I’m about to watch: One Day at a Time 55. waiting for: March 17 56. want: to remain healthy mentally and physically 57. get married: yeah. I mean no rush but working in a care home made me realise. It really sucks not having life partners when you're older. Doesn't even have to be a spouse. Even just committed friends or family etc. who would visit and be there for you no matter what. Keep you company. The commitment to love each other and be there for each other? Worth it. Having someone who cares to share small life details with is nice. When you get older and health starts acting up and people move on in different directions and are busy with their own lives and troubles... having a Person is good. I'm glad my parents have and love each other. 58. career: haha a what now which is better 59. hugs or kisses: hugs 60. lips or eyes: eyes 61. shorter or taller: either 62. older or younger: I'll say older bc I'm 18 and wouldn't date anyone under 18 63. nice arms or stomach: arms 64. hookup or relationship: relationship 65. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant have you… 66. kissed a stranger: no 67. drank hard liquor: shots shots shots shots shots 68. lost glasses: only temporarily 😂 69. turned someone down: yes 70. sex on first date: no 71. broken someone’s heart: no 72. had your heart broken: I've broken my own heart lmao 73. been arrested: no 74. cried when someone died: yes 75. fallen for a friend: do you believe in 76. yourself: yes 77. miracles: no 78. love at first sight: IMO love is a choice you have to make over and over again so. I mean. Sure. You can approach anyone new you meet with the intent to love them. Is that love at first sight? 79. santa claus: no 80. kiss on a first date: yes 81. angels: no other 82. best friends name: Caitlin 83. eye color: dark brown 84. fave movie: Atomic Blonde 85. fave actor: Amy Acker. Easy 😂

#**

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clarencenicholsonata · 5 years ago

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5 Ways to Make Sure Your Facebook Advertising Shines During the Coronavirus

As just about every recent email signoff says, these are some “strange and uncertain times.” But one thing is certain: more people at home means more people online.

According to The New York Times, daily Facebook traffic rocketed up by 27% since the start of the coronavirus crisis in the United States. Many brands are creating a strategy to take advantage of this increased traffic while remaining tactful and empathetic to consumers.

It’s a fine line to walk. You want to spread the good word about your business, but you also want to keep a clean conscience and maintain a positive brand image.

Striking that balance is possible if you take the right approach.

Why focus on Facebook?

Statistics from Hootsuite show that Facebook has 2.5 billion monthly users. Advertisers can reach 1.95 billion of those users. That’s nearly a third of the global population! And because Facebook is on the rise during COVID-19, you can’t afford to not focus on Facebook right now.

However, yours isn’t the only company taking advantage of increased traffic. There will be a lot of competition in the coming months. That’s why your Facebook ads must stand out from the crowd.

Start with these 5 ways to make sure your Facebook advertising shines during coronavirus.

1.Create Ads that increase Lead Generation

A recent Wall Street Journal article revealed that the cost of advertising on Facebook is dropping. Sounds great, right? But there’s a catch.

Conversion rates are also dropping. This means that even if you increase your ad spend to take advantage of the lower CPM, your conversion rates likely won’t increase.

This doesn’t mean you should give up on effective ads. It just means you should pivot your strategy to focus less on conversion and more on gathering emails from leads.

Change your Facebook promotion category from “Get More Website Visitors” to “Get More Leads.” When consumers see your ads, the ads will prompt them to enter their contact info instead of converting on your website.

Prompting users to fill in their info instead of pressuring them to convert is a better tactic to use now that all conversion rates are down. It also makes you seem less pushy.

I know it may be difficult to pull away from conversion-based strategies for a while, but it’s the best way to take advantage of the current situation.

Don't forget to downloadThe Absolute Corona Virus Facebook & Instagram Ad Guide for Brands .

2. Use Passion and Purpose to Connect with People

This is not a normal time. If you try to go on with business as usual, potential customers could see your brand as tone-deaf.

This is the last thing you want. Instead of trying to keep up a front of normalcy, don’t be afraid to show a little vulnerability.

Some companies shared pictures of their employees working from home or released a heartfelt message from one of their executives. Others converted some of their facilities to create protective gear for healthcare workers. Many companies ran fundraising campaigns to support the cause.

An ad (or even just a post) about an effort like this can make it easier for consumers to relate to and trust your brand.

Additionally, see this as a time when your brand can step up. People are struggling because of this pandemic. There may be something you can do to help.

An article from McKinsey & Company phrases it this way: “Is this the moment when purposeful companies demonstrate how to use profits for good or that shows how everything a company does can be for good?”

Personally, I think how companies behave during this time is very telling. Their true nature comes out when they’re under pressure.

So, what is your company’s true nature? How can your company use profits for good? What can your company do to show that it cares?

As an example, take a look at this ad from eco-friendly shoe manufacturer Allbirds:

This ad does 3 things very well: 1. Clearly states exactly how the company helped people in need. 2. Explains that the company will continue to help. 3. Invites consumers to join in by purchasing or donating.

While your company may not be able to distribute half a million dollars’ worth of shoes, you can definitely find a way to help, show how you want to continue helping, and invite people to join you in your mission.

Ready to start your own Facebook ad campaign?

Book a free call to learn how our team of marketing experts can help you create high converting Facebook ads today.

3. Be Informed & Lean Into the Moment

You may think constant references to COVID-19 annoy people, but the data says otherwise. This graph from ViralSpace.ai shows the increased performance of coronavirus-related posts:

This doesn’t mean that the posts have to be virus-focused or dreary. A negative tone – not the subject itself – may be what consumers are really tired of.

Again, this tactic is about striking a balance. Lean in, but don’t come off as an opportunist.

Check out some of these recent apparel ads to see what I mean:

437 Swimwear subtly references stay-at-home orders by asking, “Who needs the beach?”

Everlane highlights the kind of comfy loungewear that people working from home have been living in 24/7.

Nike more directly addresses the issue by stating that “Now more than ever, we are one team.” They also offer workout videos on their app that are perfect for when you’re stuck at home.

None of these Facebook ads even use the words “coronavirus” or “COVID-19.” Yet, they all speak to a population of consumers who are staying at home and in need of an outlet.

Even though this is a scary time, consumers want you to see them and recognize what they’re going through. You can’t ignore it. Leaning into the moment is the better option. Brainstorm ways that your business can be relatable without necessarily mentioning the pandemic. The content could outperform your other ads and posts.

If you’re skeptical, use Facebook’s A/B testing feature to directly compare a coronavirus-related ad to a regular ad. Then let the data be your guide.

Finally, make sure to use landing page software to pair your awesome ads with COVID-friendly messaging.

For more help check our 12 Savvy Corona Virus Marketing Examples You Can Steal

4. Use Humor to Increase Engagement

As you can tell from the growing number of coronavirus memes, people are using humor to cope with this situation. As long as you’re tactful about it, your business can use some humor, too.

Light sarcasm, puns, or subtle pop culture references can connect with your audience in a unique way. If this fits your brand’s voice, it could be even more effective.

Reformation and Bonobos struck the right chord with the humor in their Facebook ads:

While you’re also looking forward to “the blessed day you get to leave the house,” try adding this kind of humor to your company’s Facebook advertising strategy. A little sarcasm could even help humanize your brand.

Be careful not to go overboard, though. A bad joke can lead to some terrible publicity.

To avoid that kind of mistake, have some of your coworkers, friends, or family give your ad copy a “sensitivity read.” They’ll tell you if the humor doesn’t land right.

5. Use Lookalike Audiences That Optimize for Ltv.

Because conversion rates are low right now, you need to be precise and optimize for average order value by picking off high LTV customers. Using LTV creates Facebook’s most effective version of lookalike audiences.

When you use LTV, you target potential customers that look like your most valuable customers.

Look at it this way. Say you have two customers: one who spent $50, and one who spent $500. LTV helps you target people who look more like the $500 customer than the $50 one.

Especially now, when conversion rates are low, you need to focus on capturing a high-value audience. This guide on Growth Marketing Pro can teach you how to implement LTV for better-performing lookalike audiences on Facebook.

Once you start targeting an audience that’s similar to your highest-value customers, your leads will be more qualified. Your email list will fill up with more valuable potential customers, and your future conversion rates could prove it.

Conclusion

Coronavirus slowed down the real world, but the online world shows no signs of stopping. In fact, it’s obvious that life online is speeding up.

These tactics will help you take this unprecedented time and turn it into an unprecedented change in your Facebook advertising strategies.

Take advantage of low CPM with lead focused ads. Do something positive for those struggling. Lean in and show that you know how things have changed. Use a little humor. And don’t forget to use lookalike audiences that optimize for LTV, so you only attract the most valuable potential customers.

Want to go beyond Facebook ads to step up your digital marketing game during coronavirus?

This is the perfect time to try other channels. Perhaps SEO will work for your business. An affordable software like GrowthBar can help you find out.

About the Author

Mark Spera is a marketing guy, a pizza enthusiast and San Francisco resident. Also, he started the Growth Marketing Pro and built it into a 6-figure passive income business in 18 months.

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siva3155 · 5 years ago

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300+ TOP BUSINESS ANALYST Interview Questions and Answers

BUSINESS ANALYST Interview Questions for freshers experienced :-

1. What Is Business Analysis? Business analysis can be described as the sequence of activities which are implemented in order to assess the business requirement needs and to fit the required solution so as to bring around the success of the organization and business. So, this sequence of task is normally performed by a “Business Analyst” or BA. 2. What Are The Industry And Professional Standards Followed By Business Analyst? Industry standards that have been set for the BAs to follow are OOAD principles and Unified Modeling Language (UML). This is a common language used by business analysts all around the world to draft the functional requirements. 3. Who Uses The Output Produced By Business Analyst? The output will be used by the Both IT and Non-IT People, as IT people use this document as key for the building of the application and Non-IT people use those document where they can see prototype of their application. 4. Why Excellent Communication Skill Is Essential For A Business Analyst? A BA is one who sits with the client understands it and then tells the IT people what needs to be done hence BA needs to have excellent communication skills. 5. What Is The Difference Between Data Model And An Entity Relationship Diagram? A data model is a model which shows how data is stored and used for e.g. a normal database. It has 3 main parts: Structural part:- how data is structured. Integrity part:- Rules governing structure. Manipulation part:- operators used to select,update,querry that data,eg select, update, delete commands in sql. ENTERPRISE DATA MODEL(ENTERPRISE RELATIONSHIP MODELING) :- This can be called as an conceptual model or semantic model. The sub parts of an ERM are: Entity:- It is an object, eg employees, computer. Relationship:- It captures how two or more entities are related to each other. Attributes:- Every entity has its own sets of attributes (e.g. PAN no in India for each employee or SSN in US). 6. What Is The Educational Qualification Required For A Business Analyst? There is no specific qualification for a business analyst. Well, if you are a management graduate it is an added advantage since they have better communication skills. One important thing a BA needs to have is domain knowledge or business knowledge. Unless he/she understands the client's business process thoroughly they cannot draft the requirements properly. 7. Mention The Components Of Uml? UML uses many concepts from many sources. For Structure: Actor, Attribute, Class, Component, Interface, Object, Package. For Behavior: Activity, Event, Message, Method, Operation, State, use case. For Relationships: Aggregation, Association, Composition, Depends, Generalization (or Inheritance). Other Concepts: Stereotype. It qualifies the symbol it is attached to. 8. Mention Some Of The Important Points A Business Analyst Must Take Care While Preparing Business Plan? While Creating Business Document, Make sure you start from small problems. Don’t jump to big problems right way. Keep the Business sponsors and IT folks in the loop. Make sure your document clearly state Exceptions, Assumptions and Limitations. Sometime you need to keep in mind the legal issues. Business document should be well written for usability and for future projects. 9. Why Is Business Analyst Position Vital In An Organization? The position is important because a BA is a people’s person when it comes to the users and an IT person when it comes to the developers. He can communicate with the users in jargon that they are comfortable with and is able to understand them in order to collect solid business requirements. Simultaneously he can effectively communicate these requirements and support them with documentation for a developers benefit. 10. What Are The Quality Procedures Followed Normally By A Business Analyst? For quality there is no specific mark of course Six sigma and ITIL (Information technology infrastructural library United kingdom) are certain quality standard establishing organizations and methods. But As a normal the following should be followed: The quality of communication while gathering requirement should be excellent and outstanding. Sometimes users are just looking for functionality in system and they are not even able to say that what exactly will be their dream functionality which will be most convenient to them. In that case BA should explore them and figure out the exactly demanded requirements.

BUSINESS ANALYST Interview Questions 11. How Is Requirement Analysis Done By Business Analyst? Requirement session is usually done through JAD session. Business Folks and Major sponsors are always there along with some technical folks. Business analyst then goes through each requirement and asks for the feedback. If Business Sponsors and Technical Folks think that all the requirements are according to the business and won’t be a barrier to existing system. They get the official signoff on Business Requirement document. IT manager and Business manager both do the sign off on that business requirement document. 12. Does The Business Analyst Interact With Clients Directly? If So State The Reason For The Same? It depends on the project to project it is not always the same that we do interact with the clients directly, some time there will be a team whom might be interacting with the client and gives you the requirement and if have questions either we do talk with that team or our manager. 13. Mention The Difference Between Business Process Improvement And Business Process Reengineering? Business process improvement implies changing a step sub step or any part of the process i.e. process is not completely changed In BPR we actually study the business and find out what is the best way I can carry out the process and change the whole way the process runs(business process redesign). 14. What Is Uml? The Unified Modeling Language (UML) is a standard language for specifying, visualizing, constructing, and documenting the artifacts of software systems, as well as for business modeling and other non-software systems. The UML represents a collection of best engineering practices that have proven successful in the modeling of large and complex systems. 15. How Is Business Plan Evaluated? A business plan is evaluated by checking the contents of the plan such as if the plan have based on the resource planning and envisioning phase of the project. 16. What Are The Problems Business Analyst Could Face During Gathering Business Requirements? The availability of the people (e.g. managers, supervisors and the end users) the BA wants to talk with for gathering business requirements. These people have regular daily works to do and their time to spend in the gathering sometimes hard to schedule and for this reason gathering business requirements is delay. 17. What Can A Business Analyst Do Differently Than Project Or Program Manager (design Architect) With Respect To Successfully Getting The Project Implementation Done? Business Analyst role is not entirely different than Project manager role but Project Manager is bigger role than business Analyst. Project manager is responsible for all the deliverables like schedules/ timelines resources management risk management Daily/weekly status report to project stack holders etc. where as business analyst sometimes report to project manager or may report to business manager. Business Analyst deals with business users to gather requirements prepare RD, FD and coordinate with development team for development and then do the testing involve with users in testing get the sign off and move component to live. 18. Where Would You Document Functional And Non Functional Requirements (i.e. Deliverable)? Functional Requirements are documented in the SRS document / Use Case Document. Non Functional requirements are listed in the SRS document. 19. How Do You Identify The Basic Flow? What Would You Do If Someone Was Struggling To Determine The Basic Flow For A Use Case? Basic flow for use case can be identified from Business Requirement Documents or Functional Requirement Documents as these use cases are prepared on the basis of these requirement. 20. What Is The Relationship Between Use Case And Test Case? A use case is written from a "user" perspective describing the interaction of a piece of software between the user and the software. These are written in common language typically from the business or user point of view and in enough detail for the developer to create a piece of software. Typically written in a MS Word type tool. Use cases capture the functional requirements of the system. It describes the expected interaction the user will experience, in detail. The audience is the business, for signoff, and technology for development. 21. What Would You Do If The Client Says That You And The Other Analysts Cannot Directly Talk To The Users? If this happens then explain the purpose of your talk (e.g. capture requirements) and why it’s important to talk to users directly (e.g. the quality of requirements will be better if they comes directly from the users mouth). Explain them that it will be a high risk to the project if analyst can't talk to the users directly. Client can give access to indirect (surrogate) users but explain that the quality of requirements will be not good. Hopefully your client will agree by now otherwise flag it as a higher risk in Business Requirement Document and highlight during your meeting with your PM and Project Sponsors. Now, it’s your PM or project sponsors duty to provide you access to those direct users. If they can't than you are safe anyways. 22. We Are Going To A Client On Monday To Help Them With Their Requirements. We Have Just Received A Business Case From The Client, And They Have No Tools In Place. What Would We Do The First Week? First week in this case is always advisable to do a due diligence of the amount of work, expectations, existing process, time lines with the constraints surrounding. One of major constraints in this case would include lack of tools. Depending on the project timelines, complexity and volume of the project present your recommendations for tools to be used and the estimated budget allocation required. Document the comparison of productivity and flexibility with and without tools used. This should help the project sponsors to take a call on going for tools. 23. Version Control And Configuration Management Are Terms Used Widely In The Business Industry, Write Short Notes About The Terms? By definition, version control is essentially a subset of configuration management. It is usually concerned with the handling changes arising in previous documents as opposed to configuration management which essentially handles the individual components. 24. Good Documentation Management Systems Are Highly Recommended In System Development; Briefly Describe The Factors That Contribute To A Good Documentation Management System? For a documentation system to be considered good, the following factors should be prevalent in it: It should be made in such a way that it can accommodate future changes, including version changes, bearing system security features such as providing access only to the allowed users, i.e. have good authentication features. In general, one should take in data as well as information security measures in place, putting in mind that the documentation should also be able to bend to the changing needs of its users as well as the market conditions. 25. State The Different Software Methodologies? The term software methodology, software development methodology and software process mean almost the same thing in computer software or system development, i.e. the activities carried out by computer system engineers or computer software engineers in an attempt to procure particular computer software that servers a certain function or purpose. This includes the framework adopted, structure, plan as well as the control of the resources engaged in the software or system development process. 26. Describe The Abbreviation Ooad As Used In Object Oriented Programming? The term OOAD is an abbreviation of the phrase Object Oriented Analysis and Design. Contrary to the traditional programming, also called procedural programming whereby the entire code of a given program is written line by line, from scratch. There is a new more powerful approach to software development or simply programming referred to as the Object Technology where predefined objects pertaining to particular situations are pre-designed by experienced software engineers and then the programmers just call them into their code in order to implement a given function in their code. 27. Describe The Meaning Of The Term Data Mapping? By definition, the term data mapping is the process by which a system developer creates data element mappings that relates two models of data (databases) in order to assist in data integration. This usually assists in the following manner: Data mediation or transformation between the source and the destination of data. Assisting in data lineage analysis by identifying the data relationships. Assists in data masking by discovering sensitive data. Assists in data de-identification process. Assists in consolidating multiple databases into one thus identification of redundant columns and advising the developers for consideration or even elimination. 28. Describe The Term Black Box Testing? Black box testing is the type of testing whereby the entire unit is tested as a whole without considering the contents or even how the inner components of the unit under test work, the tester’s only consideration is to enter a known input signal and check whether the output behavior is the one expected out of that unit given his input signal. 29. Give The Importance Of Using A Flowchart? It is easier to interpret as it is graphical in nature and thus all persons involved in the project development can understand it with ease. 30. Briefly Explain The Use Case Model? This is a model used by software engineers to describe the business environment of a given project. It encompasses of a series of workflow that are pertained to a particular actor. 31. What Do You Understand By The Term Uml? The term UML is an abbreviation of the term Unified Modeling Language which is the standard language used in construction of as well as visualization and documentation of varied system components. It has a collection of graphical notation techniques used in the development of abstract models for certain specific systems. 32. Describe The Importance Of An Activity Diagram? This is the diagram used in a business system to show the workflow involved, activities happening as well as the completed actions. In a company comprising of several departments e.g. the medical department, accounting department, and even the human resource department, usually each department has its own peculiar privileges to the system, for instance the medical department can only be allowed to access the screens related to their activities such as medical records while the human resource department will be allowed to view only the screens which are relevant to them too, thus these activity diagrams assist in showing the relationship between particular activities with their relevant and related departments so that during coding, the coders may refer to them to implement the discrepancies accordingly. Designers too can be guided by these activity diagrams. 33. How Many Types Of Diagrams Do You Know And What Do You Know About Them? Am aware of two types of diagrams namely the use case diagram and the collaboration diagram, the use case diagram has been discussed above and as a result I will only talk about the collaboration diagram here, these are diagrams put into being by modeling the objects of a given systems and then representing the prevalent associations between the objects in questions with the use of links. 34. What Is The Main Quality Of A Good Requirement? The requirement should be good, clear, understandable, and consistent and should be easily verifiable. 35. What Do You Understand By Uml? UML is basically Unified Modeling Language. This is the standard language used in the system to understand, document, construct different components in the system. 36. What Are Different Diagrams To Be Known By A Ba? Entity relationship diagram, data flow diagram, use case diagram, class diagram, activity diagram, state chart diagram, sequence diagram, collaboration diagram, component diagrams, deployment diagrams etc.. Use case diagram: basically explains the business environment. Series of all related actions performed by actor. Activity diagram: Used in the early stage of analysis and designing level. It describes each individual component. Sequence diagram: It tells the objects interactions with each other’s arranged in time sequence. 37. Where Did You Use Rational Rose & Requisite Pro? When we created different modules of requirements for different functions, and finally collected all together and made a single requirement document, we used requisite pro to do this. And we used rational rose to create the business model as a visual representation. 38. What Do Understand By Version Control & Configuration Management? Basically version control is a part of configuration management. Mainly it handles when the previous document changes. Where as configuration management handles the individual component. 39. What Are Different Software Methodologies? SDLC, RUP, SEI-CMM, Six sigma, SWOT, Cost benefit analysis, Risk analysis, Gap analysis. 40. What Is Ooad? Object oriented analysis and designing. Used in coding od object oriented languages like c++, Java, and SAP Basis etc. 41. What Is Uat? User acceptance testing. If the UAT fails, BA did not understand the requirements properly. 42. What Do You Mean By Data Mapping? It is the mapping of data from source system to a destination system. 43. What Is Black Box Testing? It is completely a functional testing. i.e the tester need not know how it works technically. He only bothers what input he is giving and what output he is getting. 44. What Do You Mean By White Box Testing? It requires slight programming knowledge to examine the outputs. 45. What Is Bug? Mainly used to see the performance issues and system hangs. 46. How Do You Measure The Quality Of A Product? We do it by seeing min bugs in the product according to standards maintained by company. 47. What Is Rad? It is called as rapid application development. It is a development process that is used to build applications in smaller periods like 50-70 days i.e with some compromises. 48. What Is Etl ? Extraction Transformation and loading. Used mainly in data warehousing. 49. How Do You Resolve Issues? I would rather focus on issues and the facts related. Origin of issue, severity of the issue, implications and possible solutions to solve the issue. Try not to focus on the person who brought up the issue. Another important part is how to avoid similar issues in future. 50. We Have Met Several Business Analysts. Why Are You The One We Should Hire? Give definite examples of your skills and accomplishments. Be positive, and emphasize how your background matches the job description. Mention any software packages and spreadsheet software you are familiar with. Also let them know if you have advanced knowledge of any of the software. 51. What Are The Qualities You Have That Makes You Suitable For The Position Of Business Analyst? As a Business Analyst, one always have the top notch communication skills. A perfect mix of technical knowledge and business market knowledge is highly essential. I consider myself a very quick learner and with a good ability to communicate with the development teams and the customers, I think I can certainly make a good difference to the organization on the whole. Ability to deal with conformance tests and identify the prominent parts of the use cases and track them through time will make me more than efficient in the overall work that is involved. 52. How Do You See Your Future As A Business Analyst? I have always liked the career of Business Analyst not just because of the management perspective but also because of the responsibilities that would be held in order to make the entire project successful one.. Growing with the organizations success as a more prominent and effective analyst has always been in my mind right through. I would also like to take up the BA certifications like the PRINCE 2 in the near future. This would help me grow in a field that I like most, in a more professional way. 53. What Do You Think Is An Important Characteristic That A Business Analyst Should Have To Tide Over Tough Times Of Project? The first and foremost character that a Business Analyst has to show is confidence. Without that aspect, the interactions with customers and clients can never be positive. Especially during the rough times of project when there are development related issues that are being handled, the customer has to be given the right positive picture from the business/development perspective. This has to be done and handled by the Business Analyst. Not just self-confidence but the confidence that he places on the other teammates come into prominence. 54. How Would You Make Most Sense Out Of The Business Requirements To The Developers? The following steps will detail out the procedural way of professionally dealing with this: Identify the scope of the project. Take out the key features expected by the client. Reason out the most critical aspects of the system that has to be built. Depict the business use oriented UML diagram and derive it further to the specificity of what is needed from the technology side of development. Detail out the use cases that will make the input from client clear to the developers. Refinement should always be done with peer discussions. Activity, work-flow and data-flow diagrams are of immense importance in detailing out the requirement. Identifying the best modeling technique and representation of the deciphered Client input will finally go through to the Development team across series of meetings. 55. What Are The Most Important Software Tools That Ba Should Be Accessing To Coordinate The Team Through The Project? The most important tools are meant for diagrammatically representing the project through its various phases. In this sense, the most important software tools are: MS-Word: Requirement gathering and discussions will customers will mostly be through Word documents, be it the marketing or business document. MS-Visio: This will be one of the most important tool that every BA has to have knowledge about. This will help you coordinate the project at every level of development. IBM-Rational Suite: This is a good tool to get good representations of requirements gathering and other functional diagrams. Other Testing Tools: Most of the time it is better to get involved in the QA tests as a Business Analyst. So a good knowledge about the QTP, Load Runner etc will be of use. Other than these, MS SharePoint, SQL databases will also find good use in the career of the Business Analyst. 56. How Does A Business Analyst Play An Important Role In The Initial Stages Of The Project? To do it right the first time, has always been the motto for projects that are running under a tight schedule. To find out the right requirement thus is important. Translating the requirements from client to the developers is essential for the project to kick off on the right note. If this stage goes off-track, then you can be jeopardising the future of the entire project. 57. What Are The Different Documents That Can Come Across To The Business Analyst? The documents that are responsible to be completed as a Business Analyst may include: Study of Feasibility. Scope & Prospect of Project. Business Requirements Document. Functional Requirements document including UML, Activity and dataflow diagrams. Fact sheet for constraints from technical side (as prescribed from client). Testing phase documents including QA Test requirements, plan and types of tests that have to be considered before delivery. 58. What Are The Things That Have To Be Considered While Writing A Business Document? Never should we bring out the small glitches on the top. We have to see through the eyes of the business persons and should always try to instill confidence in them, as much as we have on ourselves. As what they expect is the outer level of details, we should bring out the expectation, assumptions and other such criteria into picture clearly. 59. How Can A Ba Be Of Assistance To The Marketing Team? The BA has a good share of both business knowledge and technical knowledge pertaining to a specific domain. So when it comes to marketing a product or procuring a project, he can give his views and prospect oriented perspective in a more acceptable manner to the customers. This makes him a good advantageous role in marketing department of an organization. 60. Ba Is The Bridge Between The It And Non-it Persons When It Comes A Software System. Does It Mean That Decision Making Responsibility Can Be Rested His Hand Entirely? No, that is not the advisable case. Every BA has to take the decision regarding business/technical aspects of a project only after discussions and meetings with the appropriate members of the team. In this way meetings and team discussion come off as the most important aspects of BA’s decision making capabilities. 61. What Is A Flowchart And Why It Is Important? Flowchart shows complete flow of system through symbols and diagrams. It is important, because it makes the system easy to understand for developers and all concerned people. 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