#can u tell this is my favourite post format yet

[giftcasket]

rip mike the cool person you would've loved cryptocurrency

[jeniffercheckwannabeme]

ahh this is soo ugly. gonna format it and tag everything correctly in like.... a week?

hiiii! It is meee! I love you all!!!

welcome to my digital diary!

are you ready to unveil the secrets of the universe? (my mind?). oops! one second let me get my fairy dust ready...

ଘ꒰੭˶• ༝ •˶꒱੭ .⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹❀

right, so what will you find here?

Thoughts

collages

pretty things idk (dont be suprised if u see urself here my bby!)

& overall, things that make me - me

what's my name? you can call me anything you'd like! I'd prefer Jen or Natalia(my actual name)

well here are some clues... to uncover my top secret identity!

I adore lana, Radiohead, Hozier and other artists. Especially 2000s and 60s songs.

I am obviously also (obviously) addicted to movies. 2000s movies, musicals, series etc are my fav!! I especially love legally blonde and all the go barbie movies

my comfort 90s show is f.r.i.e.n.d.s. people tell me I act like Monica, but I think i'm more of Phoebe. I also love psych, awae, derry girls and hannibal

my favourite colour is pink, but I love periwinkle and powdery blue too!

im a taurus sun, virgo moon, and Scoprio rising!

infp, huffelpuff, cabin 10!

I love playing casual games, girl rotting, blogging, reading, and yapping all day long!

DNI: nobody Safe space even if you have Ed or are in recovery!

I take breaks every other day and might dissapeafr for weeks at a time, So don't panic. I'll love you always.

Christian bale's wife (he doesn't know it yet)

Only ever on pinterest, letterbox (not rlly, I'm lazy), and tumblr.

Might start an instagram soon for hee hees

been here on and off since may 2024 (yes y'all are my most interesting talking stage)

my(tm) tags:

#jen (me) loves anakin #jen (me) loves christian bale #jen is raising a cult : asks, tag games, random posts #jen was born with a loving heart too : me loving #jen was born with a hating heart :me hating #jeniffercheckwannabemefr : all of themmm

[demonpiratehuntress]

hiii! it’s the autistic anon,, i hope it’s okay if i try requesting smth a little easier to write? i was thinking maybe smth like Law and reader aren’t dating yet, maybe reader joined the crew not too long ago and so is still quiet and shy around everyone. but one day Law notices her reading a comic book he likes and strikes up a conversation about it and maybe that leads to him finding out they’re really similar in some ways? like both have a coin and comic book collection, both love tattoos, and reader even wanted to be a nurse but just didn’t have the resources for it. Law kind of develops a crush from there and u can decide how he handles it and whether or not he even realizes he has a crush at first. and i don’t mind what format either, it can be headcanons or a fic or anything! and i just want to say thank u for taking time out of your busy schedule to write for us, i love your writing and look forward to your posts everyday! i hope your day is great!! <3

hello again! of course, i'm open to a lot of other ideas :) this sounds so cute and sweet, i can definitely write this! thank you for requesting again :D i chose headcanons because they're more fun to write lol. I hope you like it!

taglist - @kabloswrld

two peas in a pod

Trafalgar Law x F!Reader

summary - the cute scenario described in the ask :)))

warnings - none

You'd always wanted to become a pirate, ever since you were little

So when Law and his crew showed up at your little island and stopped at your village to replenish their supplies - and apparently take down bandits that were terrorising you - you took the opportunity

At first Law was sceptical, wondering what you brought to his crew, but after your first venture with them he realised you could be useful, not only as a fighter but also another medic, one with more nurturing qualities and a softer touch

He would never admit it, but he was jealous of how the crew immediately went to you for help now

But after a while Law himself warmed up to you as well, and found himself seeking your company more and more often

He knew very well he could fix himself up, but chose to come to you instead just to have an excuse to talk to you and maybe learn more about you

Despite interacting with the crew for medicinal purposes, you were still shy and reserved, only speaking when you needed to

You were surprised when Law walked into your room one day, claiming that he needed your help determining what kind of sickness he was developing (he was not sick)

He caught you in your free time, so you were reading a favourite comic of yours, a secret you had managed to keep from everyone for so long - until now

"What's that?"

"Hmm? Oh, this? Nothing.."

You hid the comic behind your back, hoping Law would drop it and just focus on his non-existent sickness, but luck was not on your side today

His brows furrowed in concentration, before his eyes lit up in a way you'd never seen before

"I know that comic!"

"Wh-what? No you don't..."

"Surely you're not telling me I wouldn't recognise the cover of my favourite comic book, (Name)-ya..."

"O-of course not! I just didn't think..."

You trailed off as Law took a seat directly next to you, plucking the comic from your hands

He begins to flick through the pages with you sitting so stiff and awkwardly beside him

Eventually you relax and attempt to initiate a discussion about it with him

Which turns into a full debate over your favourite characters

You've never had this much fun talking about something before

And your captain seems so much more relaxed and at ease, and he's even SMILING as he talks

The conversation slowly goes from the comic to other shared interests between the two of you, such as his coin collection - he was visibly stunned to find out you had one too - and your desire to become a nurse, something medical-related

Law was surprised to hear that you wanted to be a nurse

Not because you didn't have the skills for it, you definitely did, but because you had chosen to become a pirate instead

When he asked what changed your mind, something weird happened in his chest when your answer was "i didn't have the opportunity or the resources in my small village...but also...you"

He didn't know what that feeling was, but he kind of liked it?

From then on, Law took every opportunity he could to talk to you about both your coin collections, your medical knowledge and your shared interest in that comic

He wanted to know why he was feeling this way, and hoped talking to you more would help him understand

But now he was just craving your presence, craving your voice and the way you passionately spoke about your interests

It wouldn't be a good day if Law hadn't gotten the chance to see or speak to you

And it was frustrating him that he couldn't figure out why he felt this way about you, and why he treated you differently to his other crewmates

Then Shachi and Penguin teased him about being in love with you

And suddenly it made sense

But for the first time ever, Law was terrified, because he didn't know what to do, this was not his forte

So obviously, he needed help, and since Shachi and Penguin were doing nothing but teasing him, he went to Bepo

You were completely oblivious to what he and Bepo were planning, thinking they were just planning the crew's next island stop

You were also oblivious to Law's feelings - mostly because he hid it well - but were completely aware of your own feelings for him

And you tried to hide it, you really did, but everyone could see the way your eyes softened when he walked into the room or spoke to you directly, the way your cheeks reddened when he complimented you or said something nice, the way you always seemed even more shy and flustered around him

Even Law noticed

But for a long time he debated whether or not to actually go through with his Bepo's plan to ask you out

He took so long that you almost gave up on him entirely

But when he did finally approach you, it was so worth it

He had planned a very romantic dinner in his room - candlelit and everything

He was so nervous the entire time, only slightly comforted by the fact that you looked nervous as well

"You look nice"

"Oh, um, thanks. So do you"

It is SO awkward for a few minutes, as you both just look at each other or the food

You decide to break the silence since it seems like Law never will

"If this is too uncomfortable, I can-"

"No!" He jumps to say, then clears his throat. "I mean, I'd like you to stay. I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this."

So you stay, and you're patient with him as he works up the nerve to tell you how he feels

In the end, you tell him you feel the same way, and like a movie, you close the date with a sweet, slow kiss - both yours and Law's pace

[loveridden1999]

hey babe okay so I saw the first episode and let me tell u u thirsting about helly r (or helen? im guessing that's her outside name) is soo valid and justified she's very pretty and she's banging on doors screaming to get out and throwing things so I obviously admire her lol also this scout guy omg I cannot take him seriously he was a joke character in the good place it was so funny I keep thinking of him but except for that hmmm it's kinda interesting but I fell asleep like 5 times😭 why is it so slow vio why do they show stupid things like him walking through a white hallway and tying his shoelaces i guess am just used to sitcoms i cannot watch these slowpokes I hope i didn't miss anything important my favourite scene yet from just ep1 was scout sobbing in his car before going to work (haha been there done that) and also helly's video she's so animated corporates will truly kill us all this concept is wild tho but like. it's. i thought that wow i can't keep you're giving away one third of your life to a corporation and you're not even going to remember it like how can you waste it lifeis sooo precious. but then I think about all the precious hours i spent in my office formatting idiotic word documents because my seniors said the font looks bad the spacing is incorrect and how tired I was that I just came home and fell asleep and I'm like oh. i loved that line the boss lady said that humans imagined hell but it doesn't exist but the scary part is that what humans can imagine, they can create. so we all gonna die. but anyway yes that's my review of the first episode.i think i definitely missed some important things like i remember seeing some very old guy talking and suddenly he's like I'm petey and I'm like wait YOU'RE petey? where did u come from? but I'll figure it out lol maybe I didn't sleep enough last night

you'll only fall more and more in love with helly lol (also try not to get spoiled by my posts here because i need to see you react to everything a hundred percent authentic). okay in show's defence it's trying to show and not tell, that's why the first episode might seem a bit boring and slow but trust me it'll speed up by end of 2nd episode. the walking thing is show you the shift in his mannersims how outside he seemed depressed and crying while when his innie (aka the severed self) had absolutely no idea at all (the puzzled look at the wet tissue paper and throwing it) the changing of shoes because he isn't allowed to wear outside ones inside it'd have probably make his innie wonder why they're wet (i am realising this as we speak tbh, because his innie has no idea about sky sun snow weather etc) and give him a chance okay forget his previous characters RIGHTTTT it seems like a fucked up concept but if it was possible i am sure soo many companies would take advantage of it to prey on depressed/naive people. like it sounds nice as a concept but (you'll realise this as you watch) in fact is inhuman to that the other part of yourself that is consistently working. lmao that's miss cobel for you, tell me more about how you feel about her as you go on. also get some sleep and try not to be too worried about catching all the symbolism you'll get them as you go plus we have tumblr to discuss anyways mwah

[nerves-nebula]

This might not be the most coherent, sorry. Please bare with me.

I think there’s something really beautiful about your art, even outside of its particular and fascinating style. You have a vulgar, ugly way (/pos) of designing characters; the way you draw both your human and non human characters makes me feel strangely seen, and has in the past year made me so much happier with my own body.

Looking at your drawings always makes me want to draw too! Everything you made, down to the simplest doodle, inspires me, and makes me feel like I could try do that too.

My fascination with your OCs might be less to do with any inherent story or detail to them (although the themes I know I’ll find and nuances in their design and personalities are something I can always rely on ur art for) and more to do with the fact it’s coming from you. That I trust you tell a story or tackle a topic in a way that I trust few other creators to. Not withheld by censorship or any strict format, you are a case and point to what I love about freelance artist who have the time and means to create. Anything you write and draw will hold leagues of depth. That when you present an idea it will be interesting, and my attention and focus will be captured in a way few things can manage anymore. Your art is so unabashed in its everything and it makes me want to scream.

Your unabashed approach to tackling dark themes in such an unveiled, first person account, way, has had me reflecting on my own experiences so many times. Your art has done more for me than attempts at therapy ever did, and while I’m sure that might be more to do with the way my brain works and how I heal and reflect, personally, it doesn’t change the fact that you helped me. You changed the shape of my art and my interests and the way I consume media. I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin and mind, now, and I owe so much of that to you. You truly are my favourite artist, and if I had money ever, I’d commission u so fucking often.

(Also your casual posts are funny and based a lot of the time, and I really like how organized your tags are too.)

You have a vulgar, ugly way (/pos) of designing characters; the way you draw both your human and non human characters makes me feel strangely seen,

:DDD so glad you guys get what I'm going for here.

awww oommggg haha awwww you guyssss you're making me blush <3

genuinely this is so sweet and kind I dunno what to do with it really. i feel like it deserves a long response to try to put into words how it's making me feel but I can't come up with anything haha. like, this is kinda what I do it for? i mean i mostly do it for myself but this is something I hope for when making art too so like. aoguashg.

I guess I'll just say that hearing that i can help people this much just by Posting On The Internet makes me glad I haven't killed myself yet and I'll leave it at that.

[fellhellion]

can you make a rec list of your favorite fe3h fics? if that's alright?

OF COURSE I WOULD LOVE TO <3 always happy to give my fave works a shoutout <33333

Though mind u this is going to be a LOT so ill pop them under a cut

from the heart in exile

TLDR: platonic hubert edelgard fic that haunts me. It’s extremely good with really well written character voices and focuses on these two characters trying to find out who they are beyond the war with their friends refusing to leave them behind

Summary: 

You can’t speak just yet to whether time—and age? experience? not that war or rulership have given you much of the latter, at least in the area of gardening—has made your thumbs any less brown, but the house in the Oghma Mountains is surrounded by so many growing things it hardly seems to matter. It sits at the edge of a forest, on the gentle lower slopes, and the people in the nearest town had all smiled to speak of it when they pointed the way for Hubert, the day you arrived. A number of them were old enough to remember what it had been like, years ago, in the warm and golden before, and to insist that it had not changed in the ways that mattered. It was still full of light. The air still smelled green.

In which Edelgard keeps a garden, Hubert learns to fly, and those they leave behind refuse to be left behind.

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Watchtower

TLDR: platonic fic and amazing sylvain character study. Like genuinely one of the best i’ve ever read. If you’re someone who really wanted a deeper exploration of Sylvain’s feelings about Dimitri this fic is for u. 

Summary: 

When Sylvain is six and a half and climbs to the top of a tower with no one’s hand in his, he realizes that each and every one of the people he loves has been born as a gift to something else. Dimitri was born for Faerghus, and Felix was born for Dimitri. Glenn was born for the royal family, and Ingrid was born for Galatea and for Glenn. He realizes, too, that what they’re for decides their future. Dimitri will lead them into a better world. Felix will guide his path, and Glenn will protect his life, and Ingrid will bind her future to theirs.

And Sylvain, who was born for the border, will stand in a watchtower. He will see the enemy before it comes, and he will keep Dimitri and Felix and Ingrid and Glenn safe.

Dimitri reappears after five years. Sylvain knows it's his role to fix the mess they're in, but he doesn't know how.

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little light

TLDR: really good exploration of flayn and seteth’s relationship (+ with his wife and flayn’s mother) pre canon (also post canon if i remember right) just a really good if heartbreaking family fic 

Summary: 

"She is beautiful, and she is perfect. It is foolish to say so, because the goddess herself says perfect beings cannot exist - but Cichol knows now she must have been wrong, because his daughter is perfect. They name her Cethleann. In the old tongue, it means 'light.'"

Cichol, Cethleann, what they lost, and who they became.

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conjure the wind, ease my mind

TLDR: this author in general writes FANTASTIC work so pls check out their whole repertoire. a platonic fic between holst and claude w an exploration of claude’s past that’s just so good....found brotherhood i am WEEPING 

Summary: 

“I’d like to know what’s wrong. I’d like to help if I can.”

Calculating green eyes lock onto Holst’s own, but this time they’re laced with something a little bit like resignation

Many people call Duke Riegan a liar, but Holst feels like he knows the young man a bit better than that. To call him a liar is wrong, you see, because all Claude has ever really done is master the art of giving up as little of the truth as possible. He keeps truth close, treats it like a valuable commodity.

“I have three brothers,” he says. “Half-brothers.”

***

Claude won’t spar with Holst and Holst wants to know why.

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my fellow passerine

TLDR: same author as before and just...god this fic is so good. a platonic exploration of the relationship between Claude and Cyril. This fic has it all: found brotherhood, worldbuilding about Almyra, Claude character study, CYRIL character study. it’s just fantastic 

Summary:

Then the Alliance delegation shows up, and their offering strolls through the gates of the monastery like he already owns the place.

A reminder, for those who need it: Cyril is not an idiot. He has good eyes and he uses them.

An observation, for those who want it: The Golden Deer house leader is Almyran.

~

Cyril knows a lot more than he lets on, Claude is far less covert than he thinks he is, and messing with the guy your parents told you was a possibly-unkillable demon-prince isn’t usually supposed to earn you a lasting friendship but hey… life is already pretty damn weird.

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Autotomy

TLDR: god this ferdibert fic just fucking...destroys me. i cannot get through it without crying at least twice and usually more. it’s basically a CF canon divergence with a heavy HEAVY exploration of ferdinand and hubert’s perspectives towards usefulness and how abelist thinking affects that in their efforts to find Shambala after Ferdinand loses his sight from one of Hubert’s experimental spells. All while falling in love. this fic is VERY fucking heavy, please mind the tags, it’s amazing but it’s subject matter is something you need to be very aware of. Also i would highly reccomend reading the prequel to this fic as it provides some critical context to Hubert’s actions that you don’t get through Ferdinand’s flawed pov. Basically this author is a master of character perspective.

Summary: 

Ferdinand von Aegir's war record ends in 1182. The war does not.

Or, blind man's bluff.

---------------------------------------------

Coming of Age

TLDR: same author as before and god...just my FAVOURITE ferdinand character study. Takes place within the period Byleth is away. I don’t want to spoil anything but it’s incredible. Mines the fantastic character drama hook between Edelgard and Ferdinand that canon DIDNT rip

Summary: 

Ferdinand was a general. In theory. Edelgard had promised him continued command of his battalion, and a general needed a certain measure of wealth to supply his horses, his servants, his armor and rations and lodgings and, she’d promised.

But his father sat rotting in a cell, or worse, and it could be nothing more than a fable they thought him simple enough to believe. What did promises matter?

When the house of Aegir collapses around him, Ferdinand struggles to forge a path forward. He quickly discovers he can't manage it alone -- and neither, perhaps, can Edelgard.

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Another Life

TLDR: same author AGAIN (can u tell theyre my favourite fjsdhfk). Ferdibert fic, a man loving his partner and trying to figure out the best way to support them as they silently wrestle with questions about their gender identity is something that can be so PERSONAL and make u CRY god. also dark flier hubert my beloved. 

Summary: 

Ferdinand notices things. He cannot say what he notices, precisely, because he has no one to ask, and if he were to ask Hubert it would damn well result in every questioned moment up and vanishing forever behind a new wall of prickly austerity. Ferdinand cannot risk that. The things that he notices stick in his chest, and he thinks only, but.

Hubert wrestles with unasked questions; Ferdinand wrestles with a pegasus.

---------------------------------------------

Beneath the Sheets of Paper Lies My Truth

TLDR: Dimilix fic in my FAVOURITE fucking format of secondary in game historical sources exploring their relationship in retrospective.

Summary:

It was said that Duke Fraldarius’s grief at King Dimitri’s death was more potent than even the queen’s—but said by whom, and how, and why?

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A Fair Day’s Work

TLDR: Post CF Canon ferdibert where Hubert and Ferdinand’s overworked aides desperately try to get them together so they’ll be too busy being uhhhh AMOUROUS to give them so much work. Very much a romantic comedy with very fun OCs as our protags. 

Summary:

“I may have some coffee in the place for you,” said Prime Minister Aegir. “Let me show you how much better I have become at brewing it to your taste.”

“If you insist,” said Minister Vestra but he sounded pleased. To Delarivier, who had literally made it her profession to attune herself to his tone (usually ranging from sort-of-murder-y to extremely-murder-y), Minister Vestra sounded very pleased indeed.

--

Ferdinand and Hubert's long-suffering aides figure out a way to work fewer hours.

----------------------------------------

Roost

TLDR: Dimilix post AM Canon with some pre canon moments. Basically an exploration of the complexity of their relationship with bird symbolism and extra Holy Kingdom lore. Gifting ur lover a vulture is something that can be so personal fksdhfsjkd

Summary:

Dimitri makes an affirmative noise. Then he takes a breath, voice leveling out into what Felix had long ago dubbed his 'future king voice', all steady explanation: “Long ago, the saying fledged right along with the nobles' and royal family's love of hawking, and it has remained a common phrase from one generation to the next. As adviser to the king, the duke is meant to be regal and strong, even deadly when required, from his place at the king's side. To always act as the most piercing, watchful eyes over the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus and her sovereign."

He looks over to Felix as soon as his mouth snaps shut on the final word, as always seeking approval on his recitations.

Felix tilts his head, trying to look unimpressed. “I like eagles.”

A hand automatically comes up to cover the lower half of Dimitri's face, muffling the inarticulate sound of a snort of amusement. “That is good, since you are to be mine.”

***

They say an eagle watches over Fhirdiad.

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A faint and faraway sound

TLDR: Ferdibert with an excellent Hubert centric character study....just so good...makes me warm and fuzzy...the mutual pining and ROMANCE of it all

Summary: 

Hubert learns to be a person, with a lot of help and complication along the way.

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In golden light

TLDR: A really REALLY good ferdibert fic with ferdinand centric pov that focuses on him reflecting on his life as he prepares the Aegir house to become a boarding school. Ferdinand sibling exploration is ABOUND here and it’s great

Summary: 

When his family's summer home at Lake Aegir is set to be converted to a boarding academy, Ferdinand pays it one last visit and contemplates his complicated relationship with family, love, and legacy.

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one three four three four zero

TLDR: the fic that actually got me into dimilix. VERY heavy character study and you NEED to mind both the general fic tags and the content warnings the author lists for each chapter but it’s incredible. Takes a very familiar trope and just. slams you in the face with over 60k words of amazing character study. 

Summary: 

“How are you going to get the One-Eyed Demon of Garreg Mach, the Boar Prince of Faerghus, smuggled past Dukedom soldiers? What plan could you possibly have to get a creature that incapable of even pretending it isn’t a bloodthirsty beast into Dominic without getting caught?”

The Professor gives him one of their steady, unreadable stares. They definitely do not and could not possibly have answered him, “You’re going to pretend to be married to him.”

or, How to Pretend to be Married When One of You Can't Stop Hallucinating and the Other One Uses Hostility to Cope

[kalonxoxo]

my reading list

hello all! i am severely lacking in content to post, so I am easing myself into the blogger life by starting off with an adorable, rather simple post instead of one of the content heavy ones which are a work in progress (rather anxious about getting my info correct). here is my reading list!! ive tried to eliminate the book i am reading and have to read for my sixth form classes but it is as follows; 

the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde status: currently reading 

i had initially heard of this book when longingly glancing at the summary in waterstones when weeding through the penguin classics section. from first read the book encapsulated me and i was head over heels. genuinely wanted this book for about 7 plus months until christmas came around and there it was gleaming on top of the sofa. love u gran and grandad xxxx. 

my fascination and love of this book has only grown over time - deep diving into faust and faustian pacts after reading a quote in chapter 1 of wharton’s age of innocence had, in a rather modern sense, ‘increased the hype’. anyways, i am indeed only on about chapter 3  but i think this may be becoming a favourite of mine. (would anyone be interested in knowing what my favourite books are?)

the way of all flesh by ambrose pary status: currently reading

i can’t lie, it was the author’s name that caught my eye. after doing the ‘medicine through time’ unit in gcse history, and learning about renaissance surgeon, ambrose paré, ambrose parry had definitely sparked an interest, and to be honest i’m sure 15 year old me found it quite cool. no surprise here, its historical fiction! 

but unlike the historical fiction pieces i already own, it is a historical mystery set in 1847 and follows will raven, a medical student in edinburgh, yet begins chapter one with a dead prostitute. rather classy, yes? i began reading this in the hotel during my brief family holiday to london and read more while waiting for the train home. needless to say i am engrossed entirely. have a feeling this is going to be a good one :)!

darcy’s voyage: a pride and predjudice retelling by kara louise status: in the queue...

i picked this one up for £2.50 (no literally - the price is still pencilled in on the inside of the cover) from barter books (a.k.a heaven on earth). allthough i do have the timeless jane austen original on my shelf in my bedroom, i’m perplexingly tempted to read this one first; a coveted break away from 19th century romance in a manor house in the middle of nowhere. i haven’t yet dived into the pages yet but am excited to do so. i have my fingers crossed this will be a refreshing perspective on classic tropes and romance while still keeping the heart-wrenching storyline.

if i never met you by mhairi mcfarlane status: read 2 chapters but then i fell in love with dorian gray instead

this screams rom-com wattpad original but let me tell you i am all here for it. just from reading the aforementioned two chapters, mcfarlane has set the plot in motion extremely well and i was picturing the movie in my mind when reading. 

the mixture of formats is refreshing and it reminds me of the layout of one of my favourite books; the next together by lauren james (reincarnation meets lovers throughout history). i can confirm that i am heavily excited to carry on reading, but am forcing myself into commitment of just one book for the mean time. 

honourable mentions: a.k.a everything that is also on the ‘read next’ list but i feel as though i’m droning on enough already:  the shadow of the hangman by edward marston death of an avid reader by francis brody the victorian house by judith flanders antony and cleopatra by william shakespeare  the flat share by beth o’leary words in deep blue by cath crowley

[yoditorian]

which of your fics - tag game

okay big thanks to the wonderful @thosewickedlovelies for the tag!!!

Which fic did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got?

probably drift?? there was a little buzz for the first installment but the rest have been kind of quiet. i know they’re not everybody’s thing and the formatting is a fic/hc hybrid but it’s one of my favourite universes to live in

Which fic got a better reaction than you expected? 

close to what by a fucking mILE. especially given the subject matter and how it’s closer to a character study than a reader fic,, i genuinely get emotional when i think about it

Which fic is your funniest? 

oh god funny isn’t something i know how to do on purpose,,,,maybe prompt 14 of my celebration requests with will?? idk it’s more cute than funny

Is your darkest/angstiest? 

the whole you are and i am universe (inc. close to what) is really not gonna be a pretty one. idk if it’s cheating to answer with things i haven’t written or extensively planned yet, and it will have a happy ending, but it’s a realistic look at addiction recovery

Is your absolute favorite? 

lacuna without a shadow of a doubt. she is my love, my life, my beloved. my first baby. this is the fic that showed me i can write and that i can be fucking good at it. it’s everything.

Is your least favorite? 

the max lord love letter,,,,he’s not a character i connect with so writing this was just rly not the one for me. i don’t even wanna link it sorry :/

The hardest? 

a law divine because i spent so long trying to get it Just Right but mostly bc part two has been kicking my ass for the last month,, i’d say whatever a sun will always sing but she’s still in planning stages which tells you all u need to know tbh 

Which fic has your favourite line/paragraph? 

this is a really hard question bc i tend to forget lines i write but there’s a bit in my din love letter when he’s talking about the things he’s done and the blood on his hands and it’s like

“I don’t know how I could stain you like that.”

yeah

Which fic have you re-read the most? 

i read my ezra love letter whenever i get sad because that’s my space poet murderer so probably that one

Which one would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time? 

maybe the pancake king or friends? bc (as of right now) they’re kind of the only works that aren’t connected to anything else so i think they’re a good look into how i write, bc i know my style isn’t for everyone lol

The one you’re most proud of?

it’s lacuna. of cOURSE it’s lacuna. i’ve been writing fic since i was 12 and i never finished a series until this story. i never wrote over 8k for any one work until this series. she was my first foray back into posting fic after over 2 years of silence and i will always always be grateful for it.

no pressure tags bc idk whos already done this: @djarinsbeskar @firstofficerwiggles @keeper0fthestars @justrunamok ​

[readyplayerhobi]

The Evolution of You and I

; Hybrid!Jimin x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, light angst, mentions of smut

; Word Count: 10.2k

; Warnings: Mentions of loss of virginity, discussion of sex

; Synopsis: For 15 years, Park Jimin has been in your life in some form. From childhood penpal’s to the closest of friends now, you can’t imagine your life without him even if you’ve never actually met him in person. It doesn’t help that you’ve fallen for him, even across the distance that separates you. But what happens when you finally meet up and you discover he’s been keeping something secret?

; A/N: Based on this prompt from @hybridfanfiction! I read it and immediately wanted to do something, so this happened. It’s in a bit of a more unusual format to my other stuff but I hope you all enjoy it anyway :)

-

8 Years Old

“Can anyone tell me what a penpal is?” Miss Kim asks the class with a pleasant tone to her voice, pretty pink lips turned up gently. She’s so pretty, you always think to yourself, and you like to be in her class. She makes learning fun and never makes you feel bad for not knowing things.

Looking around, a few people raise their hands and give answers that get carefully turned down by her before she gives a bright smile, white teeth shining in the harsh lighting. “A penpal, is someone that you write to who lives far away. Sometimes they live in other countries, sometimes they just live in other parts of the same country. Lots of people become friends this way!”

Miss Kim starts to walk around the room and hands out plain, ruled pieces of paper. “We’re going to be penpals with students from another school in Busan. That’s on the other side of the country from us, on the seaside. Each paper I’m giving you has the name of a student that you are going to write to, so tell them about yourselves. Ask them about themselves. Try and make up a friendship!”

“Miss...what do we say?” You ask quietly as she hands you your sheet of paper. A few of the kids near the supplies are handing out packs of coloured pencils and pens and you take a handful of multi-coloured pencils that are pleasing to your young mind.

A letter can always use extra decorations!

“Well...tell them your name and your age maybe. What you like to do for fun. Your favourite film or animal. Whatever you want to say. It’s your letter!” Watching her carefully, you look back down at your letter with a frown and ponder what to write to your potential new friend.

Park Jimin (Boy), is written across the top in Miss Kim’s pretty handwriting. For a moment, you look across the room at the Park Jimin in your own class and marvel at the fact there’s another out there in Busan, only he’s a boy!

Taking hold of the pink pencil, your tongue sticks out cutely as your brow frowns intensely and you begin to write your letter, ignorant of the raucous laughter and yelling of the rest of your students.

Dear Jimin,

Hi! I’m Y/N, a girl! I go to school in Seoul. Miss Kim says you’re in..Boosan? On the seaside? Is it pretty? We don’t have sea here, but the Han river is okay. It smells sometimes.

Do you go to the beach? Are there crabs? I’ve never seen a crab! I like horses. Do you have horses? There’s no horses in Seoul. Do you like horses?

My favourite film is Hercules. I want to be a god too! Wouldn’t that be cool! I can save you if you want?

Please write back!

From, Y/N

Once done, you draw a bunch of tiny horses around the page in yellows, purples and pinks before adding sparkly stars and a crab or two for Jimin. Because he might like crabs, and you don’t want him to miss out on your decoration too.

You also draw a terrible stick person drawing of yourself. Lips pursing in annoyance, you draw an arrow and note down that your head isn’t really that big. It’s like an astronaut, and you don’t want Jimin to think that. He might not like astronaut people and never write back!

“Is everyone done?” Miss Kim calls out from the front of the classroom, hands clasped against her stomach as she waits for everyone to quiet down. You nod repeatedly before smiling at her brightly as you move to the front and hand her your letter. She looks over it before giving you an approving nod and adding it to her stack.

“That’s wonderful everyone. I’ll get these posted as soon as possible and then we just have to wait!”

And so you do, impatiently so and completely unaware that your life had changed for the better.

-

Hi Y/N!

I’m Jimin, it’s nice to meet you. I live in Busan and the sea is very pretty here. It’s blue, like the sky but more green. It smells funny sometimes too, but I like it. I see crabs a lot! Maybe I can send you one?

I’d like to see the Han river! It’s famous right? In movies and films. And I have no horses, but I have been horse riding! They’re big and scary, but friendly. They don’t really like me though. You should go.

I don’t need saving, but I like Spider-Man films. He saves people too! We can be a superhero team! Wouldn’t that be cool?

What do you like to eat? Do you like seafood? We have lots here, but I don’t like. I like meat, it’s yummy.

Please write back soon!

From, Jimin

-

9 Years Old

Hi Jimin,

It was my birthday yesterday. I’m now 9! Are you 9 too? So you know, my birthday is September 12th. It’s very important, so don’t forget. I’ll draw a picture of my cake for you!

When’s your birthday? Is it soon? Do you like cake too? Who doesn’t like cake? It’s so nice.

School is so boring. I don’t think I like school. Do you? What’s your favourite subject? It’s strange that you send your letters to my house now. I get mail with my name on! My mom puts it on the side for me.

Do you like getting mail too?

Write back soon.

Hugs and kisses, Y/N!

-

Hi Y/N!

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Y/N...happy birthday to you!

My birthday isn’t until October 13th. So you’re older than me! Wow, that’s so cool. I hope you got a good birthday present! My mom helped me to pick out this friendship bracelet so I hope you like it.

I like cake! Your cake looked cool. I hope my cake looks like yours!

I love school! I love maths and science. I like numbers, they’re fun. If you need help, then I’ll try! I want to be a maths teacher when I grow up, it’d be cool. I can teach more kids about maths and get them to love it too.

I like getting mail cos it’s from you. What do you want to be when you grow up?

From, Jimin

-

12 Years Old

Hey Jimin,

So remember that stupid boy I told you about? Jackson? Well he kissed me today and it was totally gross and ewww. Why do grown ups like doing that? It was just...wet and icky. Have you ever been kissed yet?

I also had a maths test today and I think I did bad. I wish I was good at it like you! But I get to do arts tomorrow and I’m excited for that. I like drawing. I’ve drawn you a cute dragon on the back of this letter, so I hope you like it.

Is the weather in Busan nicer than here lately? It’s just been raining all the time and is so grey. Soyeon said we should go to karaoke for her birthday but...I don’t really like it. I’m not good at singing. Are you good?

Write back soon!

Hugs and kisses, Y/N.

-

Hey Y/N,

I’m so glad I got your letter today. It wasn’t a very good day :( these people in my school made fun of me for how I look. It made me upset. I can’t change any of that and it made my mom cry when I told her. I didn’t want to make her cry :(

I haven’t been kissed, but it sounds gross. Maybe I’ll stay away from kissing for a while, I trust you! But I guess maybe you need to be grownup to enjoy it? Who knows. We’re still kids!

And I’m sorry about your test. I hope you did well on it but if not then I’m trying to send you my maths knowledge! Your drawing was so good, you’re so good at it! I got my mom to put it up on my wall when I’d coloured it in for you. Can you draw me one that’s coloured in too so I can put that on my wall as well?

It’s sunny here in Busan! I’ve been going to the beach with my brother a lot and playing with our football. I like running around and doing things outside and we both like to play football. Would you play football with us if we ever met? We’re very fast!

Mom says I have a good singing voice, but I don’t like doing it. It makes me shy. You should go with your friends, it might be fun!

Write back :)

Hugs and kisses, Jimin

-

14 Years Old

To: Park Jimin <chim-chimminiepark@hotmail.com>

From: Y/N <aseoulmind@hotmail.com>

Subject: HI!!!!!!!!

JIMINNIEEEEEEEE,

Oh my god. This is our first email, isn’t this weird? O-o

Like…you’re going to get this immediately after I send it! We can talk so much faster instead of waiting for the stupid post. And now we don’t have to worry about writing neatly.

Not that I wrote neatly for you or anything. Cos I totally didn’t.

But still, this is so cool right? My computer is in my living room and my mom keeps track of what I do. Is it like that for you too?

How did your date go with Chaeyoung? Did it go well? I know you were nervous about it but you’re so sweet and kind. I think she’d be missing out if she said no! I’d love to see what she looks like, I’ve never seen a Fennec fox hybrid but I’m sure she’s so pretty and cute.

Argh, write back to me soon please! ^-^

Hugs and kisses, Y/N

-

To: Y/N <aseoulmind@hotmail.com>

From: Park Jimin <chim-chimminiepark@hotmail.com>

Subject: RE: HI!!!!!!!!

\(^U^)/ Y/N!

I’m writing this after only getting it five minutes ago. Isn’t that cool? This is going to make talking to you so easy.

You so wrote neat for me. I can tell. Your writing always got sloppy at the end when you were tired on the longer letters. But it’s okay. I’ll tell you a secret...I used to write neat for you too…

My computer is in my room, but that’s because my brother also has one and my dad has a laptop. They trust me, but they still check my history. So I have to be careful what I go on. I don’t want to get in trouble.

I did take Chaeyoung on a date! I was so nervous ^^; but she said yes! Can you believe that? I almost threw up. She wouldn’t have said yes then. But thanks for having faith in me! ^o^

She’s so pretty. She’s got this...blonde hair that looks like honey and it’s like light is in it. Her ears are so cute too, I bet the fur is soft. I sound sappy, my friends would laugh if I said this. You won’t right? Do...you like hybrids? Some people don’t.

I took her on a date along the beachfront here in Busan. We had dinner at a barbeque place and then went to the movies. I saw Iron Man and it was so cool. Then we had bungeobbang and walked along the front. The sea is pretty at night. Maybe I should take a picture for you? We can send pictures on email right?

Do you still like that Yugyeom? Or do you not want to kiss him because only grown ups do that and it’s icky? Hehe.

Hugs and kisses, Jimin.

-

To: Park Jimin <chim-chimminiepark@hotmail.com>

From: Y/N <aseoulmind@hotmail.com>

Subject: RE: RE: HI!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD. SHUT UP. I WAS 12 AND KNEW NOTHING.

I hate you.

-

To: Y/N <aseoulmind@hotmail.com>

From: Park Jimin <chim-chimminiepark@hotmail.com>

Subject: RE: RE: RE: HI!!!!!!!!

ㅠㅡㅠ

I’m sorry! Come back...please. I swear, I won’t mention it again!

-

17 Years Old

Park Jimin has signed in.

Y/N: Jimin!

Y/N: Jimin!

Y/N: Jimin!

Park Jimin: Jfc what! Let me sign in first u demon

Y/N: So...I went on a date with Eunho yesterday. Said yes 2 him.

Y/N: He took me bowling and I really wanted him 2 kiss me but he was all ‘I’m being a gentleman’.

Y/N: Think my dad said something 2 him :(

Y/N: Do u think he even likes me?

Park Jimin: Y would u think that?

Y/N: Well...he’s a guy! A teenage guy! U r all dumb and hormonal right?

Park Jimin: Am I supposed 2 be supporting u? Or are u trying 2 offend me?

Y/N: Shh, u kno I love u <333

Y/N: But it’s true. Every1 in my class has done it. Why is Eunho being slow?

Park Jimin: Woah woah!

Park Jimin: Not a race! It was ur first date. Calm down James Bond. Mayb Eunho hasn’t done it either?

Park Jimin: I haven’t

Y/N: Ur school is full of dumb girls

Park Jimin: Y?

Y/N: Cus u r cute

Park Jimin: :3

Park Jimin: ^^; <3

Y/N: :( seriously tho…

Park Jimin: Hey...it’s ok. Don’t worry. Pls.

Y/N: K. Did u pass your test?

Park Jimin: :D

Y/N: Omg yay! I bet ur mom n dad are so proud!

Park Jimin: Yeah, they bought me dinner out. I got top in my class…

Park Jimin: I also got voted class president…

Y/N: Omg, my best friend is such a nerd

Park Jimin: >:o

Park Jimin: Y u so mean?!

Y/N: Cos I love u <3

Y/N: Well done tho. I kno u were worried. But I had faith!

Park Jimin: Thanks :)

Y/N: I asked my mom 4 a dog for my birthday btw

Y/N: But she said no :(

Y/N: Cos my parents work 2 much

Y/N: And I’m only home for 2 more years

Park Jimin: Oh no :( sry

Park Jimin: What would u have wanted? A puppy?

Y/N: Yeah...mayb. We couldn’t have a big dog

Y/N: Our apartment is 2 small here, so small dog

Y/N: My friend has a Cocker Spaniel

Y/N: She’s cute, but she jumps everywhere

Park Jimin: Spaniel’s r cute! :D

Y/N: Would u get a dog?

Park Jimin: Nah

Y/N: What?! Y not?! Dogs r the best

Park Jimin: I don’t like the idea :(

Y/N: Y not?

Park Jimin: Cos...I just don’t. Mom n dad wouldn’t get one anyway

Y/N: That sucks. Don’t get fish tho. They’re boring

Park Jimin: Haha, I won’t

Park Jimin: Hey, did u see that new show out? Game of Thrones?

Y/N: Omg yes

Y/N: So much sex

Y/N: My parents don’t want me 2 watch

Park Jimin: But u did?

Y/N: Hehe

-

18 Years Old

Park Jimin has signed in.

Park Jimin: Hi :)

Park Jimin: Hello?

Park Jimin: Y/N??

Park Jimin: Are u there?

Y/N: Hey...sorry. Yeah, I’m here

Park Jimin: ...are you okay?

Y/N: ...no

Y/N: Not really ;(

Park Jimin: Y?! What’s wrong?!

Park Jimin: What happened? Who do I have to 2 hurt???

Y/N: Eunho…

Park Jimin: What?

Park Jimin: Eunho?

Park Jimin: What’s he done? You’ve been dating for 7 months now?!

Park Jimin: Y/N...talk 2 me :(

Park Jimin: Pls

Y/N: We had sex last night

Park Jimin: Ok...but u wanted that? Right?

Park Jimin: I mean...u said u wanted it? That u were ready?

Y/N: :(

Park Jimin: :( what happened?

Y/N: It was awful Jimminie :(

Park Jimin: <3 u don’t have to talk 2 me. Have u talked to Soyeon about it?

Y/N: No...I don’t want 2. It’s embarrassing

Park Jimin: Ok, u don’t have to do anything

Y/N: No, I want 2 talk to u

Y/N: It hurt so much :( and he didn’t care

Y/N: I told him, but he just said it’s supposed to

Y/N: I cried and went home

Y/N: He broke up with me this morning

Park Jimin: I’m gonna kill him

Park Jimin: I’m gonna fucking kill him

Park Jimin: I’ll bite him so damn hard

Park Jimin: The asshole. I knew he wasn’t good enough for u >:[

Y/N: Jiminnie...y are u going to bite him silly?

Y/N: It’s okay. It’s my fault.

Park Jimin: NO!

Park Jimin: It’s NOT ur fault. U thought u were ready and u loved him

Park Jimin: But he was a dick.

Park Jimin: I’ll bite him for you

Y/N: Haha, y u biting people?

Park Jimin: I’m sorry :( please don’t blame urself

Park Jimin: Ur smart and funny and kind. He messed up. He lost something great. Ur amazing, remember that

Y/N: :)

Y/N: Thank u

Y/N: It hurts, and it will. But I’m happier talking to u already

Park Jimin: I’ll always be here 4 u

Park Jimin: As cheesy as that sounds

Y/N: No...I need it

Y/N: I need my best friend right now

Y/N: <3

Park Jimin: <3

-

20 Years Old

Sitting in the uncomfortable desk chair in your university dorm, you chew your lips nervously as the Skype ringtone plays into the silent air around you. Over the years, you’ve had phone calls with Jimin occasionally on special moments, such as your birthday or his.

In recent years, there’s been a few more but never too many. Plus it was expensive after a while. The two of you have preferred to instant message each other on your laptops in your rooms, but now video calling is a thing. A common thing apparently.

You’d been vaguely aware of it, but it hadn’t entered your head to ask Jimin if he wanted to. Particularly given your laptop was not the best. But you’d been given a brand new laptop for Christmas and so had he. There was no reason to not at least try it anymore.

So here you were, in the silence of your dorm room and waiting for the call to connect to Jimin.

Not only were you nervous because you would be talking to him instead of just typing, but it was a video call. You’d only ever seen the occasional picture of Jimin over the years, taken at some odd angle so that half his head was cropped out or something ridiculous like that.

He’d complained that he didn’t like to have his picture taken, but you didn’t understand why. You always remembered him as being pretty cute, though your last photo was from two years ago. So maybe he got really ugly or something.

Who knows? Stranger things have happened.

Looking to the side, you pick up your ballpoint pen to write down a few notes that suddenly enter your head that will be useful for your homework that you plan on doing later. It’s for your stupid required mathematics class, and you’re half wondering if you can get Jimin to stay online long enough with you to help you out.

It still boggles your mind that he’s going to voluntarily be doing a mathematics degree. Like...he actually likes numbers that much.

A soft laugh leaves you as you suddenly remember one of his original letters, where he’d said that he wanted to be a maths teacher. Who knew that he was entirely serious about that?

“Hello?” A quiet voice that was surprisingly husky calls out through your speakers and you look back with widened eyes, taking in the sight on screen eagerly. He must be laid on his bed or something, as his head is really close to the screen and you can almost see down his shirt.

Which immediately causes you to focus on his eyes, because you can’t handle that. You know he still does dance and soccer, even in uni, and he likes to playfully brag about his ‘rock hard abs’. He’s not quite Dwayne Johnson levels of fit though, despite his boasting over the previous year.

“Shit, damn,” You curse as you scrawl across the page in an ugly mark before dropping the pen and looking back at him with a bright smile. “Hi! Jimin! Hi!”

The two of you go silent, the mood slightly awkward between you both as you take in the sight of him. And he’s doing the same to you, big and bright eyes tracking over the image of your face on screen before he’s letting out a tiny laugh, sound hitching on the highest point of his exhale.

He’s got what look like a plain white shirt on, and you frown at seeing the black beanie pulled down over his head, honey-blonde hair covering up dark eyebrows. “I thought you didn’t like hats? You said they hurt your ears?”

You’d always thought that was slightly odd, but if it was painful for him then you’d just accepted what he said. But seeing him on screen with a hat pulled all the way down till the tips of his ears are hiding behind them has you frowning.

Almost immediately you see his tan cheeks flush red even through the combination of a screen and crappy lighting on his end and bizarrely, his hand taps at the top of his beanie, pressing down on the soft material with a slightly panicked look in his eye.

“I don’t...like hats. But...I mean...I just...use them now. I haven’t washed my hair and I did soccer practice today. So it’s gross.” Jimin’s muttering by the end, looking down at something before giving you a shy smile and you feel something flutter in your stomach at the sight.

It’s only then that you properly take him in, noting the softly rounded cheeks that are still filled with baby fat that are juxtaposed with the sharpness of his jawline. His lashes are dark and full, casting a tiny shadow on his cheeks whenever he looks down and you frown at the bizarre mixture of feelings that sizzle in your veins.

Jimin is your best friend, and has been for years. He knows everything about you. Literally everything. Probably stuff guys shouldn’t know, but he knows it anyway. Because he’s always been so easy to talk to and non-judgemental.

You’ve never even considered what he looks like because the pictures are so infrequent and you only cared about him talking to you. Hearing him speak alone is a feast for your ears as you continue to talk and idly discuss your classes in the days since you’ve last messaged, light and high when excited yet hoarse and almost gravelly when he gets serious.

But you’d be the dumbest girl in Seoul if you turned round and said Jimin wasn’t attractive. You felt a little stupid when you realised this, given how long you’ve known him. In fact, Jimin was perhaps the most attractive guy you’ve ever seen, and you suddenly felt shy with him as you continue to talk.

Oddly shy, and yet it’s like you’ve always talked face to face. For hours, the conversation flows and you even find yourself doing your homework with the camera facing you, getting Jimin’s help on your maths equations while the two of you discuss dumb stuff.

He even plays his favourite music for you, unfortunately a Chris Brown song, which leads to a whole argument about his music choices. Even if he spends half the argument laughing at your outrage before giving in with raised hands.

You struggle to look at him though, or to at least maintain eye contact with him. Because Jimin is beautiful. And you’re not entirely sure how to handle this information, nor the confused feelings in your body and mind.

-

21 Years Old

“Hey, are you listening to me?!” Jimin calls out, laughter in his voice as he chastises you for ignoring him. Humming lightly, you focus on painting your final toenail before letting out a tiny noise of success and grinning at him.

Shifting the laptop around, you wiggle your toes while they remain in the pink toe separator, nails a pretty purple that shifts colours to green and gold depending on the light. “Aren’t they pretty?” You ask, letting the camera stay on them before Jimin lets out a gross noise.

“Ew yes, god. Please stop. Please stop showing me your feet. I do not have a foot kink. Even if you do have pretty feet.” You snort at that, letting the laptop fall back onto the bed beside you and angling it so you can see the screen again. Jimin’s sat at his desk, a snapback on his head for some reason as he works on a maths project.

He’s always wearing a damn hat when you call, but he just goes all shy and always says he hasn’t showered. Jimin likes to shower in the morning and be clean for the day, whereas you’re a night person. There’s nothing like going to bed clean.

Which means you argue with him all the time. If he’s so unwilling to show his hair because it’s dirty after his dance or gym or whatever then why not shower at night? But he’d then get defensive and point out that he never asks you to change your routine.

True, but still. His hair always looks so soft, and you want to just see what he’d look like. He makes your heart race anyway, and you have the strongest urge to reach through the screen and move the strands of hair out of his face. But you can’t, because that’s not a real power.

“So what’s up? What’s going on in the ever popular life of Park Jimin?” You ask, leaning back on your mound of pillows while wiggling your eyebrows at him. He snorts quietly, pencil scratching over pencil before he lets out a quiet hum.

“Do I look like I’m being popular right? I’m literally sat doing my homework a week early,” He points the rubber end of the pencil to himself with a sardonic smile. “Your bestie is a nerd remember?”

“A cute nerd.” He looks at you with a soft smile before going back to his work.

“Nothing much anyway. I was...thinking about maybe asking Dami out. I think she likes me, she smells like it.” You look up from your romance book at this with a raised brow. He was always using weird phrases like that.

“She smells like it? Do you mean she looks like it?” Chuckling, you shake your head and completely miss the way Jimin glances at the screen with wide eyes.

“Yeah, yeah that’s what I meant. She smells nice, like oranges. It always makes me feel happy.” Your heart clenches at that, face souring slightly and you mentally chastise yourself. Jimin’s obviously happy with her, and he keeps talking about her a lot so he must like her.

“That’s good. If you like her and she likes you then ask her to be your girlfriend or something. I’m sure you can pull the moves out again. Though...if it’s anything like Jisoo then...maybe don’t.” Jimin’s whining at that, his voice doing that odd noise that you can never replicate as he scowls at the screen before pointing his pencil at it.

“You said you’d never bring that up again!” He scowls, plush bottom lip pushed out enticingly as he give you the most adorable puppy dog eyes.

“It’s not my fault you got so excited you literally peed yourself. Like...seriously bro. What the fuck?” Immediately you’re giggling again, teeth biting at your lip as you try to stop it. He’d not talked to you for a whole three days when he’d admitted he’d done that on his first ever date with Jisoo and you’d laughed so hard you’d cried.

He was a little bit sensitive about stuff like that.

“You’re so mean. Why do I put up with you?” He mutters quietly, rolling his eyes before getting back to his work. His version of giving you the cold shoulder, though he can never last long. Not talking to you is like losing a limb of his. Or so he’d said once.

Or rather, he’d said he’d rather give up jerking off for a week than not talk to you for more than two days.

Sweet, but a very bizarre way to put it.

“Because you love me and you’d be completely lost without me?” You tease lightly, poking your tongue out at him before leaning forward to check on your toenails.

It means you miss the way Jimin stares at the screen looking rather forlorn, lips twisting as he reaches out to touch the screen. “Yeah...that’s right.”

-

22 Years Old

“Have you been applying for any jobs yet?” Soyeon asks from the couch as you chop vegetables for the dinner you said you’d cook. Why you agreed to that, you have absolutely no idea but finals were almost over and your schedules had finally aligned.

Which meant that you were finally able to hang out instead of just passing each other like two ships in the night every morning and evening. Soyeon was in a pre-med course which meant that she was ridiculously busy whereas you were completing your final exams before you would be able to proudly graduate with a degree in history.

It wasn’t the most interesting of subjects but you’d found it palatable enough and it also offered up a lot of job options after graduation. Or it would, once you actually found the time to apply for the damn things.

As soon as college finished, you’d be moving back home with your parents before heading back one final time to attend your graduation ceremony. They were happy you were coming back, as they hadn’t been pleased when you’d said you wanted to live in Seoul in an apartment with Soyeon in your third year.

Why do you need to leave our perfectly good apartment and waste money on rent there? Is what they’d asked you frequently, and you’d rolled your eyes before spouting off something about wanting to experience financial responsibility and become independent from your parents in important life decisions.

In reality, you just wanted to have somewhere where you could party or brings guys home without having to sneak them around under the watchful eye of your parents. Not that you’d brought many home that is.

Soyeon had teased you relentlessly over the last two years about your lack of action in the romance department, and you’d tried your hardest to joke your way out of it every time. But she wasn’t stupid, and neither were you.

It was hard to invest yourself in a relationship when your heart was invested hundreds of miles away on the other side of the country.

Didn’t mean you couldn’t fulfil the needs of your body though. And you did, because you were a young and successful woman with a healthy sexual appetite.

“Not yet. I still have two exams left and I’ve been too busy studying for them and working. Need to bring in that cash some way.” You say sarcastically, raising a brow at her before scraping the vegetables into the soup broth. Letting it simmer, you head over and flop down on the couch next to her with a heavy sigh before smiling.

“You? Oh wait, never mind. Dumb question. Have you got your internship placement yet?” Soyeon gives a brief smile before running her fingers over her forehead with a deep sigh. She looks tired, and the bags under her eyes are large enough that you could probably fit a whole department store sale in them.

“Not yet. I think they’ll be telling us where we are in a month or so. But I’m just...so ready for the 12-hour shifts and all that crap.” She groans before flopping down further into the sofa, grabbing one of the pale purple pillows and smushing it over her face.

Laughing lightly, you pat her thigh before becoming distracted as your phone vibrates on the coffee table in front of you. Leaning over, you peer at the screen before grabbing it and unlocking it quickly with your thumb print.

“What’s lover boy have to say?” Soyeon asks, teasing laced into every word and when you look up to glare, she’s smirking in amusement. Pushing at her foot as it pokes your stomach, you stick your tongue out childishly.

“He’s not my lover boy. Just my best friend.” You murmur, opening up Kakaotalk and reading over his message before rolling your eyes. “And an idiot.”

Turning the screen, you let her read his latest message.

[6:24PM] Jiminnie 💖: Hey, question…

[6:25PM] Jiminnie 💖: What’s it feel like to have sex?

Soyeon squints as she reads, probably cursing herself for not wearing her reading glasses, before she’s snorting with laughter and rolling back into the couch. Looking at you, she wiggles her brows. “Tell him you’re willing to show him.”

“Shut up!”

[6:27PM] Y/N: Good. That’s why I do it

[6:27PM] Y/N: Why? Does it not feel good for you? You’re not doing it right then

[6:27PM] Y/N: If it’s burning...you might wanna see the doctor

“Do you not even find it weird that he’s asked you that?” She asks, shifting in position till she’s on her side, cheek squished into the pillow as she watches the latest episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. You’d rather wash your eyes with acid than watch this, but it’s her guilty relaxation programme so you didn’t get to dictate anything to her.

Unfortunately.

“Nope. He’s asked me weirder stuff.” You say distractedly, watching and waiting for him to respond. He’d finished his finals yesterday in Busan, so you had no doubt that he was likely partying it up with his friends before he had to move back into home too.

“You know...if I wasn’t so comfortable in our friendship...I’d feel put out that some guy hundreds of miles away in Busan is closer to you than me,” She pokes you lightly with her toe before smiling. “But it’s good. Unless he breaks your heart. Then I will put my medical knowledge to use.”

[6:32PM] Jiminnie 💖: Haha. Funny

[6:33PM] Jiminnie 💖: No, what does it FEEL like? Like...what does a penis in your vajayjay feel like?

[6:34PM] Y/N: Vajayjay? What are you? Five?

[6:34PM] Jiminnie 💖: Yeah, so answer.

[6:36PM] Y/N: Fine...it feels...like...a dick in your vagina

[6:37PM] Jiminnie 💖: Helpful. Really helpful.

[6:38PM] Y/N: Why do you wanna know?

[6:42PM] Jiminnie 💖: Talking with Taehyung and Jungkook. We wanna know what it feels like, but don’t have anyone to ask except you.

[6:43PM] Y/N: Doesn’t Taehyung have a sister?

[6:44PM] Jiminnie 💖: Omfg yes...but she’s only 19! What kinda sibling relationship do YOU have?

[6:45PM] Y/N: This is true. Okay...it’s like...feeling really full. Uncomfortable if you’re not turned on enough, but...full? And it feels good, but more so when they move. Some girls have a spot that makes it feel even better

[6:45PM] Jiminnie 💖: Do you?

[6:48PM] Y/N: Omfg Jimin. You can’t just ask girls that

[6:48PM] Jiminnie 💖: Well? Do you?

[6:52PM] Y/N: Maybe

[6:54PM] Jiminnie 💖: You so do. We find this fascinating, and yet cannot visualise it at all

[6:55PM] Y/N: So c’mon, what does it feel like for a guy?

[6:56PM] Jiminnie 💖: Well like...tight...hot...wet

You squirm on the sofa at that, thighs clenching together as you suddenly visualise Jimin whispering that into your ear with that deliciously hoarse voice while he’s going deep inside you, hands gripping your thighs.

Shivering, your fingers type on your screen while you glance at Soyeon self-consciously. Nothing like getting horny from texting your best friend while your other best friend lays opposite you. Particularly when neither is aware of what’s going on.

God, would Jimin be texting you this if he knew how you felt about him? Was it even okay to be feeling this for someone you’ve never even met in person? Who knows.

But then you suddenly realise something and look down with wide eyes.

[6:58PM] Y/N: WET? WET?! PARK JIMIN...HOW IS IT WET IF YOU’RE USING A CONDOM? ARE YOU GOING BARE? OMG

[6:59PM] Jiminnie 💖: WHAT? NO...maybe...I mean...maybe once or twice. BUT IT’S OKAY. I SWEAR!

[7:02PM] Y/N: WTF?! JIMIN! YOU’VE NEVER DATED A GIRL FOR MORE THAN 2 MONTHS.

[7:03PM] Y/N: ARE YOU TRYING TO BECOME A YOUNG DAD? OR GET AN STD??

[7:04PM] Jiminnie 💖: Y/N, I swear! It’s okay, I’m okay. Please!

[7:04PM] Jiminnie 💖: I can’t get them from the girls I dated! It’s fine

[7:06PM] Y/N: Wtf do you mean?! Did you get them checked out beforehand or something? Were they on the pill?

[7:08PM] Jiminnie 💖: No, that’s not I mean

[7:09PM] Jiminnie 💖: It just...trust me. Please. I’m okay, I’m clean. I don’t have to worry about kids. It...wasn’t an issue

[7:12PM] Y/N: Jimin...don’t be irresponsible like that.

[7:12PM] Jiminnie 💖: I’m sorry 😞 I didn’t mean to make you worry

[7:13PM] Y/N: I love you Jimin, I don’t want you to do something that you’ll regret just for a moment of pleasure okay? You’re my best friend, I care about you ❤️

[7:15PM] Jiminnie 💖: Yeah...you’re my best friend too. Sorry.

Sighing heavily, you drop your phone to your side on the couch before getting up to check on the soup that’s cooking. It’s so hard to hear Jimin talk about girls and dates, all with the knowledge that you want to love him in the exact way he seems to so desperately crave.

But he’s just your best friend.

Your best friend who apparently has unprotected sex with women. It makes you heart hurt for two reasons. One, because you’re worried he’ll do something stupid and get hurt. Two, because despite you reaming him out, there’s a part of you that’s jealous of the girls he sleeps with like that.

Which is ridiculously dumb and you curse to yourself quietly, hitting your head with a spoon until you wince at the pain and rub at the area. Putting it down and staring at the soup is as it cooks, you let out a long sigh that feels like it comes from your stomach.

You may be graduating university and entering the real world, but you were still clueless on what to do with Jimin. Because he owns a rather large piece of real estate in your heart now without even realising it. Does he even realise the important thing he has in his grasp?

[7:25PM] Jiminnie 💖: I love you too. ❤️

-

23 Years Old

Shuffling around on the spot, you contemplate whether you look more casual resting against the large LED sign currently advertising skin lotion or if it looks like you’re trying too hard. Crossing your ankles definitely was trying too hard but you felt like you didn’t know what to do with your limbs.

It felt like you were a big bag full of ants that were currently crawling under your skin. As soon as that metaphor runs through your mind, you shake your head with a grimace before patting your cheeks lightly.

“You can do this, it’s fine. It’s just...it’s just your childhood penpal that you’ve accidentally fallen in love with over the years. No big deal.” And it really wasn’t, because you’d been wanting to meet Jimin for 15 years now.

No amount of letters which eventually turned into emails, leading further into texts and Skype calls could ever compare to seeing someone in person.

You’d done your time of loving Jimin from afar. Surely you should be allowed to do so up close right? He was perhaps the sweetest and most loyal person you’d ever met, even if you’d never met him properly.

But he was Jimin. Your Jimin. And if there was one thing you knew about him, it was that he would be so upset to know that he’d made you feel awkward or nervous. His sweet nature would mean he’d spend the rest of the day giving you those obscenely large puppy dog eyes as he tried to make you smile.

The vibration of your phone in your hand distracts you and you look down with a smile that slowly spreads into a grin as you read the message that pops up, even if there’s a thread of confusion to you.

[1:02PM] Jiminnie 💖: Turn around 😊 Please don’t be mad

Almost immediately you’re spinning around, a scream of pure excitement ready to burst out of your throat when you notice two things that make your eyes widen while you step back in shock.

Firstly, Park Jimin is far more attractive in real life than on camera or in his pictures. He’s taller than he always makes out and you’re a little surprised to find yourself peering up at him. Despite this though, he looks just as slim and lean as you’d always thought.

As if you could just pick him up and spin him around. That does nothing to disguise the toned muscles you eye through his skin tight jeans, leading you to believe that his arms and torso must be equally as buff. Well, he was always doing some form of exercise as it seemed like he had endless amounts of energy.

Jimin’s face is also a work of art, cherubic in its innocence and statuesque in its beauty. Soft, rounded cheeks are tinged a sweet dusky pink that compliments his healthy golden tan, offset by the angular lines of his jaw and his plush lips that he licks at nervously.

You’d always thought that Jimin’s eyes were so sweet and kind, filled with a love that he simply couldn’t hide and you could see that even better now up close. He truly radiated joy and happiness to see you, but there was a ridiculous amount of tension in his body.

And between you both suddenly.

Because the second thing you noticed was atop his head. In amongst the familiar ruffled strands of dark honey-blonde hair are two floppy ears, silky smooth fur a shade or so darker and providing a pleasing contrast to his natural hair colouring. The texture of the fur matches his hair, as if he’s had a shower and spent the time running his hands through it till it’s dried in soft curls and waves.

The hesitant movement of something from behind leads you to peering around him, noting a tail with fur as dark as his ears. It wags slowly yet is very close to his legs, as if he’s unsure whether to be happy or worried.

Jimin is a hybrid.

You’re not sure whether to feel shock, betrayal or excitement at this revelation. He had told you that he had something important to tell you when you met, but you’d just thought that he would was going to say he loved you. Like you were going to tell him.

Not that...that he wasn’t even the same species as you. Or was he? Hybrids were humans right? Or at least part human.

It was with a touch of shame that you realised you weren’t too up on your hybrid knowledge. They had been integrated into human society for a century now. There was no one alive who remembered the days when hybrid’s were created in labs and sold to humans to be treated as glorified servants or pets and used for whatever heinous thing their owner wanted.

No, hybrids had long become normal members of society. They owned property and businesses across the country, educated themselves at the same halls of learning that humans did, were integral members of the government and even had families with other hybrids and humans.

It had taken them fifty years to get their full legal status, and since then they had just quietly integrated. Hybrids were born from other hybrids now, no longer being bred or forcibly bred in captivity.

And while there were humans who still resented the presence of hybrids amongst them in all levels of society, the vast majority had accepted it. Or...as well as humanity could accept anything that was different to them.

Your ignorance was horrifically embarrassing now, and you wanted to go back in time to when you first started writing to Jimin and tell yourself to learn everything you could about hybrids. Because this was Jimin, and it was an intrinsic part of him that he’d obviously felt the need to hide.

Why, you didn’t know. That was something he would need to tell you. At least you now knew why he always wore beanies or hats whenever he video called you. Or why his pictures always cut off at a certain point.

In fact, many of the things he’d said over the years were suddenly starting to make sense and you felt ashamed that you’d never clicked on faster.

“Jimin?” You ask slowly, confusion threaded so deeply into the word as you let it escape your mouth. Almost as if he can tell the emotional rollercoaster you’re going on, he dips his head quickly in response.

A flash of his tongue lets you see him wet his lips while his throat works as he swallows.

“Hi. I’m sorry...about this,” He gestures vaguely to himself and you frown instantly, recognising the negative tone to his voice. Despite your shock about his secrecy about something so important, you feel the intrinsic need to step forward and comfort him. Reassure him that he’s okay.

Though you’re not sure what you’re reassuring him for exactly, so you move forward anyway and place a hand lightly on his arm. He’s got a navy blue hoodie on with a white shirt peeking out from underneath, and you admire the softness of the fabric for a moment before peering up at him and giving him a tiny smile.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m sure you’ve got a reasonable explanation. How about...how about we go grab  a coffee and then we can find a bench or something? And...we can talk. Because...I’m really going to need an explanation here Jimin. This is not what I was expecting.” His tail had begun to wave enthusiastically at your words and from the deepening pink on his cheeks, you suspect he’s embarrassed that its doing so.

Which is silly. Even you know that dog hybrids can control their tails to a degree but that extreme emotions override any control they may have.

“Sorry.” Gently pushing at his arm and giving him a reassuring smile, you lead him towards a chain coffee shop before tutting at him.

“Please stop apologising Jimin. Please? You know me. You know I’m not going to judge you, I’m just...shocked. I wasn’t expecting this because...well you’ve never made any mention of it before.” You’re positive that he can practically smell the surprise on you at this point, but he just chews at his lip nervously while you enter the coffee shop.

Neither of you get chance to talk after that until after you’ve both grabbed your drinks in to-go cups, a caramel frappuccino for you and a gingerbread cappuccino for him. Why they were selling gingerbread stuff in September, you had no idea.

Either way, the two of you awkwardly head back outside to find somewhere that was a little more private to have what you suspected was going to be one of the most important discussions in your entire friendship with Jimin. And you’d discussed boys with him and sex, so this was big.

After a few minutes of searching around, the two of you settle onto a wooden bench in the middle of the leafy park in silence. It’s pretty here, and you can see the small pond just past the trees on the other side of the path, a few ducks quacking along with two swans gliding along the surface elegantly.

There’s a couple of families sat around the edge, some feeding the ducks pieces of bread despite the warning signs while others enjoy homemade picnics on cute blankets. It’s all so domestic that you can’t help but let out a deep sigh and you relax back, inhaling the delightful scent of nature.

“I’m a King Charles Cocker Spaniel hybrid. Pure. My family can trace our origins back to the very first lab hybrids in our lineage two hundred and sixty years ago. I’m proud of being a hybrid...I want you to know that firstly,” He looks at you seriously, his mahogany eyes filled with a surprising amount of fierceness and you nod slowly. “I just...I’d never had a friend who didn’t know what I was. And despite what humans say and think, there’s still some discrimination there. I just...I don’t know, wanted to talk to you without being asked dumb questions about myself.”

Playing with the cardboard wrap around your cup, you let out a sigh of frustration. “Jimin...why didn’t you just tell me? Surely over 15 years you knew that I wasn’t going to be mad or push you away? I mean...okay I’m a little mad now because you didn’t tell me for that long. But...did I give the impression that I’d react negatively to you or something?”

His ears droop a little at that and you watch in fascination. Jimin’s entire demeanour is timid and filled with trepidation, his slight shoulders hunched in while his tail curls around himself almost protectively.

“N-no...but...when you’ve lied consistently for years then it’s hard to tell the truth. I’m really sorry, I feel so ashamed of myself. Especially when you’d look so happy to see me and I’d be lying saying I was cold in the middle of summer or something. I’m so sorry. I never lied about anything else. This was the only thing.” He shifts in his seat and you can see the desperate need in his eyes to make you see that was being serious.

Sighing quietly, you reach out and place a hand on his thigh. The movement feels oddly natural to say you’ve never met in person, and yet it feels new at the same time. Fizzing excitement in your stomach kind of new.

For a moment, you get distracted at the feel of his firm muscles under the denim fabric, tensing up at your touch while your fingers idly trace unintelligible symbols there. You’re finally doing what you’d dreamt of, hoped of for so long and you can’t help the tiny smile that appears as you do so.

“Jimin...it’s a shock, yes. But only because you lied. The Jimin I know doesn’t lie. Or I guess he does?” There’s a touch of insecurity to your voice suddenly as your mind races through all your interactions with him over the years, wondering if perhaps he’d lied about other things despite what he said.

Immediately though Jimin is placing his cup on the bench before grabbing your hands and tugging them to his chest with a horror-stricken face, head shaking so hard it’s making his hair and ears fly endearingly.

“No, no. I never lied about anything else! This was it! The only thing. It’s not even that important. I have ears and a tail, I have better sense of smell and hearing along with a few traits that still linger but...that’s it. I’m still Jimin. I still love mint ice cream and action films and comic books. I still went to college and studied math, just like I said. I have a job here in Seoul as a maths teacher. I swear, I haven’t lied about anything else. I’m not expecting you to accept this instantly, but please. Please don’t leave me.”

You look him over carefully, noting the sheen of tears in his eyes as he pleads with you to understand him and accept him. His origin wasn’t really that important, not when you’d gotten to know him so well over the years. But still…

“It hurts Jimin. I’m not gonna lie. You lied about something so...fundamental about you. It’s not like you’ve lied all these years about green being your favourite colour instead of yellow. This is who you are. And I don’t know what to think right now. Are you ashamed of yourself?”

He shakes his head vehemently at that, his fingers stroking the smooth skin of your hand gently as he focuses on them. “No. I have no reason to be. I have good friends back home and some who moved here too. I have a family who loves me, and being hybrid has never really been brought up. I just...I was a dumb kid who made a stupid decision that I didn’t know how to escape.”

“Jimin...you should have just told me. I wouldn’t have minded. I don’t mind now really. Your ears and tail are adorable, and a lot of the things you’ve said over the years make sense suddenly. I’m just...hurt that you never felt the need to tell me if you’re proud of yourself.” His head dips low at that, lips pouting cutely.

“Because I loved writing to you at first, and pretending to be something I’m not. But then I just loved writing to you. It relaxed me and you knew everything about me, even the stuff my friends and family didn’t. Everything except one of my most defining traits. But I didn’t want to ruin anything because I couldn’t handle the idea that you’d just...ghost me. Because by then I loved talking to you, but I also loved you too.” His confession is everything you’d been hoping for before you’d turned around, only with the addition of a sad apology.

Looking closely at his face, you take in the attractive sight up close in person for once instead of through a pixelated or lagging screen. His eyes are so large and expressive as they watch you carefully with nerves, but you know that when he smiles hard or laughs so intensely he folds over that those pretty eyes almost vanish in happiness.

It’s as you look closely into them, that you realise he’s still your Jimin. Still the Jimin who had terrible spelling when he was only 8 years old and didn’t really know how to articulate himself. Still the Jimin who excitedly wrote to you at 14 to tell you about his first kiss then obviously got embarrassed halfway through. He was still the man who’s voice had gone soft and shy the first time you ever called each other and who’s cheeks had turned a cherry red upon your first video call.

He was your Jimin. Just not with a whole new aspect that you got to explore.

“You love me?” Is all you ask, because it’s all you really care about right now. Jimin can never change what he is, but his feelings can change if you hurt him too much.

He’s quiet for a moment before slowly nodding, that nut-brown hair falling into his eyes as he does so. “I didn’t move all the way to Seoul because they needed maths teachers. I did it because you’re here. And...I wanted to be something more than just your best friend.”

Smiling brightly, you give in to your instinct and reach up to brush it out of his eyes, marvelling at how fluffy the strands feel. Your eyes flick up to his ears, the fur shining healthily and you get the urge to stroke them too. But even you know that no one touches a hybrids animal aspects without permission. They’re often highly personal or sensitive areas and will react badly normally.

But despite never meeting each other before, Jimin knows you perhaps better than you know yourself. And he must read your curiosity on your face as he tilts his head slightly till your fingers butt the base of one; a silent permission for you to touch them.

Hesitantly, you run one finger along the impossibly velvet soft fur on one ear. Without even realising, you’re smiling brightly at how nice it feels. Turning your hand over, you let the backs of your fingers stroke along each ear slowly and simply admire how soft they are.

It’s only then that you notice the way Jimin is leaning closer to you with each stroke, eyes closed and a dopey smile on his face as you do so. You like your hair being stroked and find the feeling therapeutic, so you can only imagine how this feels for Jimin.

Smiling to yourself, you lean forward before you press a sweet kiss to the apple of his cheeks. Almost immediately he jerks away, eyes wide with shock while a hand presses to said cheek as he looks you over.

Moving your hands, you let one rest lightly on his thigh before the other moves to his slim waist as you give him a grin filled with mischief and a tiny bit of nerves. “Your ears are very soft. I hope you’d be okay with me stroking them more.”

Jimin’s lip open and close repeatedly for a moment, the dog hybrid doing a marvellous impression of a fish before he points at himself. “Me? You...you’re okay with me? And what I said?”

Nodding, you shuffle closer to him until you gingerly lean against him, head on his shoulder and take in his clean scent. “Yes. I mean...we’re going to have work on this whole lying to me for fifteen years thing but...yeah. You’re still my Jiminnie. And I still love you just as much as I did before. But no lying to me from now on. I mean it. I won’t forgive it a second time.”

He’s silent then, the atmosphere full of shock and shy nerves between you both. Leaning your head further into his shoulder, you inhale deeply and just take him in for the first time. There’s no overwhelming scent of cologne, but you expect he likely wouldn’t like using most because of his sensitive nose. Most hybrids have to have specially made colognes and perfumes.

Almost immediately your eyes widen as you gasp in shock. “Jimin! You let me send you cologne all the damn time for presents! You couldn’t even use it!”

His shoulder moves rapidly underneath your cheek as he laughs quietly, shaking his head before he shifts till you’re looking up at him. “I appreciated the thought. Asking for hybrid cologne would have given me away. And it got put to use! My friends, Jungkook and Namjoon, are human so they used them. I loved every one you sent though, and even if they were too strong for me...I liked them.”

“Park Jimin! You...you need to tell me what you like. So I can buy you that.” Your lip sticks out almost petulantly as you look up at him, feeling oddly childish with the excitement of what was obviously a relationship between you and the man you’ve loved for years. Neither of you feel the need to ask explicitly, because you just know.

He watches you for a moment with amusement, his tail thumping against the bench and betraying his own happiness as his eyes crease into those familiar shapes that you love and adore so much. A tiny giggle leaves his mouth, high pitched enough to make him squeak before he leans forward and presses the softest kiss to your lips.

It’s nothing major, and yet your first proper kiss with him takes your breath away all the same. Because it’s everything you’ve imagined for years. And yet nothing like what you’ve imagined, because it’s so much more than you could’ve hoped for.

Sighing into him, you lean forward and increase the pressure on his lips until he lets out a tiny gasp of a moan against you, breath puffing against your skin as he pulls away. Leaning his forehead against yours, the two of you simply take in the moment before looking at each other with shy exhilaration rushing through your veins.

“I like you,” He whispers, so close you can feel each word brush your lips and your own spread into a sweet smile. “No, I love you. So...you’re enough for me.”

Watching him so closely, you note how his mahogany eyes have a touch of whiskey amber in the centre, spreading out slowly in a burst of colour. Bringing up a finger, you trace over the impossibly soft skin of his lower lip before you kiss him once more with a tiny giggle.

“I love you too Jiminnie. At least you didn’t pee yourself.”

“Really? Maybe I take it back.”

“No! Don’t. Please. It was sweet.”

“Shut up and just kiss me. Please.”

[heavenburdened]

GRIEVING, consumed with fear &  mad with loneliness, eden finds  himself more lost than ever ; and  soon, like the distant stars and  constellations he reads about in  books, eden no longer seems to  be part of this world. he imagines  that he is made of the galaxies and  nebulas —— light-years away and  out of mind, out of sight ; drifting  away peacefully in the cold vacuum of space & building his walls up high  —— cementing them there, strong,  as no one, not even once, comes to  break them down. A LONELY PRINCE  TRAPPED IN THE HIGHEST TOWER ;  that’s what eden becomes yet again.  yet he exudes a quiet unassuming  warmth, for he is closer to the sun  up here.

WHY HELLO THERE LOVELIES !!! i’m edie ( 23, she/hers, gmt+11, cat mum, literature nerd & tea enthusiast ) & my cute lil woc ass is so gosh darn excited to be a part of this muh’heckin amazing group ?!!?!?!??!?!?! i’m here with eden lovegrove ( and cha eunwoo’s heaven-sent face ????? can i get an amen ??!!!?? ) ; a #softnsadboi with a rrrrruff past who i’ll be introducing to you all right down below !!!!

DISCLAIMER : this ???????? is a heckin’ 1000-page novel. 2 ur left u will find refreshments n water —— pls stay hydrated whilst you read thru this ! 

[ ! ] CLICK HERE FOR A MOBILE VIEW ( less formatted for easier reading ! ) OF EDEN’S INTRO POST !  

* ╰  APPLICATION !! ❜ ───

✧･ﾟ(   atlas + cha eunwoo + cismale  ) 𝒎𝒂𝒎𝒎𝒂 𝒎𝒊𝒂 !!  have you seen (   eden lovegrove ) around ? (   he  ) has been in kaos for (   one week   ). the (   twenty-four year old   ) is a (   journalist & freelance writer  ) from (   wisconsin, usa  ). people say they can be (   ascetic   ) but maybe that’s not too bad ‘cause they can also be (   forbearing   ). whenever i think of them, i can’t help but think of (   a wound too great ; that always has been & won’t heal, grief ; consumed by sorrow & mad with loneliness that yet still could not keep the boy from kindness, and softness ; emanating from starlight and filling him full to the bone   ).  ･ﾟ✧ ( penned by edie, 23, gmt+11, she/hers ).

* ╰  STATISTICS !! ❜ ───

basics

BIRTH NAME: eden park ADOPTED NAME: eden lovegrove BIRTH DATE: february 25th, 1995 ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: pisces AGE: twenty-four CURRENT LOCATION: kaos, greece NATIONALITY: american ETHNICITY: south-korean GENDER: cismale SEXUAL ORIENTATION: demisexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: homoromantic

background

BIRTH PLACE/HOMETOWN: wisconsin, usa ( birthplace & childhood residence ) —— manhattan, ny, usa ( late adolescence )  SOCIAL CLASS: lower class ( birth ), upperclass ( during late adolescence / adoption ), middle class ( present ) EDUCATION LEVEL: completed a journalism degree with honours at yale FATHER: franklin park MOTHER: dolores park SIBLINGS: matthew park, christopher park FATHER ( ADOPTIVE ): chet lovegrove MOTHER ( ADOPTIVE ): amelia lovegrove  SIBLINGS ( ADOPTIVE ): everett lovegrove OCCUPATION & INCOME PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME: journalist ; writing articles for guardian u.s. SECONDARY SOURCE OF INCOME: freelance writing ; prose, poetry, essays, published in zines & online CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB? yes PAST JOBS: bookshop clerk, library assistant, florist SPENDING HABITS: very thrifty ; good at saving MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION: a faded photograph of himself and his first love, now passed away

appearance / physical information

FACE CLAIM: cha eunwoo HAIR COLOUR: black EYE COLOUR: brown BUILD: mesomorph DOMINANT HAND: left hand HEIGHT: 183cm WEIGHT: 76kg INK: none PIERCINGS: none ALLERGIES: shellfish DIET: vegetarian

psychology

MBTI: infp ENNEAGRAM: type 2 ; the helper MORAL ALIGNMENT: chaotic good DOMINANT TEMPERAMENT: melancholic PRIMARY INTELLIGENCE TYPE: verbal-linguistic & intrapersonal SOCIABILITY: medium EMOTIONAL STABILITY: stable DRUG USE: no ALCOHOL USE: yes PRONE TO VIOLENCE? no VIRTUES: ardent, profound, forbearing, sagacious VICES: reclusive, distracted, withdrawn, ascetic HOGWARTS HOUSE: ravenclaw ACCENT: manhattan accent FAVOURITES ACTIVITY: reading, baking, knitting, writing, going on walks ANIMAL: cats BEVERAGE: boricha / barley tea COLOUR: powder blue FOOD: yachae sundubu jjigae / spicy soft tofu and vegetable stew CELEBRATION: christmas MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: walking MUSICIANS: keaton henson, flyte, palace, the black skirts, banff, kelsey lu, matt maltese SCENERY: the ocean BOOKS: disoriental by négar djavadi, the uncensored picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde, when i hit you: or, a portrait of the writer as a young wife by meena kandasamy, brother by david chariandy, & 10 minutes 38 seconds in this strange world by elif shafak. 

* ╰  THE STORY !! ❜ ───

eden’s biography is trigger heavy, with the following triggers —— religious fundamentalism, homophobia, racism, physical & emotional abuse.

CHAPTER ONE : THE LONELY PRINCE.

COLOURED BY AMBIGUITY and suspended in an air of INEXACTNESS from the moment he breathed his first breath, eden park was born into the world as a simple PLACE HOLDER between his older and younger brother —— caught in the middle, outshone on both sides, and quite often FORGOTTEN, even as a child.

in amongst frank and dolores park’s hopes and dreams for their eldest and youngest sons, eden learned terribly early on that his existence mattered VERY LITTLE to anyone at all —— for while the youngest son ( matthew ) was doted upon, fussed over and coddled, and the eldest son ( christopher ) was given the responsibility of shouldering the entire burden of the park family name [ a family with important ties to the church community in wisconsin ] ; eden seemed to FADE AWAY into the background —— more an OBSERVER of his family’s comings and goings than an ACTIVE PARTICIPANT in amongst it all. growing up, eden had no particular expectations placed upon him, nor was he deemed any specific role to play ; and so he often spent his time ALONE and off and WANDERING, DRIFTING from interest to interest ; from this to that, biding his time in the absence of his parents who had their hands full with matthew and christopher, and their devotion to the religion that had gotten them through the hardships & aftermath of the korean war.

where his home life was tainted with an estranged apprehension, when eden was old enough to start attending school he discovered that this new part of the world was no sanctuary for him either. his peers pulled at the corners of their eyes whenever he passed, called him yellow, and jeered at the unusual & pungent packed lunches he brought. as the real world gave the young boy no reprieve ; eden turned to books —— opening the covers and crawling inside the pages to feel safe and at peace. with each new page, he would escape the exhaustion of his family life, and the terrors of the society around him would all but fade away. by falling into the quiet blank spaces that separated the printed, parallel lines of black, eden found himself a sanctuary of utter calm and peace ; safe at last from a world that was too cruel and too loud for his heart to bear the burden of. 

and so the days passed & darkened. ballet, books, and an overwhelming sense of BEING ALONE ; eden spent his days growing his mind & heart in SOLITUDE, quite nearly completely HEEDLESS of extremist religious views his parents and siblings propagated as the world spun madly on. eden’s ballet recitals : missed by his parents, morning mass went by without breathing a single word to anyone —— the middle bed, left untucked.  SURROUNDED by so many people and still so estranged, eden never truly was a part of the family he’d soon fatefully grow to HATE.

the only sanctuary of hope and light for eden was the one he found in a friend, then confidante, then lover ; a boy he’d met in ballet class at 8. 

the boy who changed everything for eden. 

the boy he was caught kissing at 16 in the park family’s garden ; blood red roses blooming.

SCREAMING, A BODY BROKEN, AGONY SINKING INTO EDEN’S BONES. 

FADE TO BLACK.

CHAPTER TWO : THE HEART CAN BEAT OR IT CAN BURN.

sixteen years old, and eden awakes to the sight of his lover standing over him with a smile. brown eyes fill with tears of relief & a chest so sore it could burst begins to shake with sobs. the tears clear eden’s vision ; and as he becomes more lucid, the vision of his lover fades away. ALONE IN A HOSPITAL ROOM, the boy scrambles to recollect the series of events that led to his arrival in the emergency room ; something buried deep in the labyrinth of his mind unsettling, warning him, letting him know that he’s not ready to remember. the nurses don’t look him in the eye, and the doctors reek of a sickening mixture of sympathy and pity. everything is raw, and horrid, and lonely, and eden can’t quite figure out the reason behind why his heart feels so terribly broken.

after three sleepless days and nights, a social worker visits eden —— relaying to him the chain of events that led to his broken body & weakened soul. the social worker tells eden of how he and his lover had been caught kissing among the flowers —— she tells eden of how his brother, matthew, had discovered them. then she tells eden of how his family had hatefully beat the only person he had ever loved into a coma ; and how when their rage had still not been satisfied, in a fury, they turned on their own son and brother.

THE WOUND IS TOO GREAT —— it always has been & it won’t heal, and eden’s cries rip through the hospital ward like a scream of agony. his tears make him tremble so violently he feels as if he were a rainstorm shook by lightning.

.

.

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the recovery is a long & arduous one. knees grazed scarlet —— every night, eden PRAYS. he prays for his lover, he prays for his family, and he prays for god to change him ; to save him ; to cleanse him of his sin ; black, purple & blue covering every inch of his soft skin. most of all, though, eden prays that the loneliness and pain that grows inside his heart like a disease will cease spreading ; the boy’s pillow stained with tears as he cries himself to sleep each night. 

mutilated, torn, tortured & etched away at, eden is alive, but he is nothing but a hollow body ; a home for little more than an agonised, sorrow-drenched soul.

just one week after the incident, eden’s partner passes away ; and eden is taken into the care of the state —— never to hear from his parents or brothers again ; safe at last from them. 

CHAPTER THREE : I WILL NOT RAISE HELL; HAVE WE NOT ALL ALREADY SUFFERED ENOUGH? I WILL RAISE MY VOICE, AND I WILL RAISE CONSCIOUSNESS. 

ten months after the incident, eden is adopted into a family by the name of lovegrove —— a family tainted with far too much darkness for eden to ever call home. the lovegroves are an all-american, white family with ties to the republican party ; with the head of the family, chet lovegrove, having strong political aspirations. the lovegroves adopt eden into the family as a move for positive press, believing that having a person of colour adopted into the family will make for a more empathetic family narrative. 

and so it goes that eden park is given the new name of eden lovegrove, and once again, THE WORLD SPINS MADLY ON. while under the gaze of the public-eye chet and amelia lovegrove parade their new son eden around as if he were the sole pride of the family ( much to the chagrin of everett, the lovegrove’s biological son ), behind closed doors, they stand back and do nothing as everett calls eden words like chink, faggot, gook, fruitcake and coolie ; disdain and disgust dropping from every syllable like venom.

grieving, consumed with fear & mad with loneliness, eden finds himself more lost than ever ; and soon, like the distant stars and constellations he reads about in books, eden no longer seems to be part of this world. he imagines that he is made of the galaxies and nebulas —— light-years away and out of mind, out of sight ; drifting away peacefully in the cold vacuum of space & building his walls up high —— cementing them there, strong, as no one, not even once, comes to break them down. A LONELY PRINCE TRAPPED IN THE HIGHEST TOWER ; that’s what eden becomes yet again. yet he exudes a quiet unassuming warmth, for he is closer to the sun up here.

.

.

.

as eden grows from adolescence to adulthood —— though he leaves ballet in the past, where memories too painful to bear the burden of have no risk of being dredged up —— his love for books and writing never waivers even in the slightest. literature helps him understand himself as he comes to terms with the world around him, and writing helps him find a voice in a world where people keep trying to tell him what he ought to be. traumatised, a foreigner, a faggot, a stranger amongst his own family. an outcast, an orphan, a charity case. with his pen as a sword ; ink running like blood, eden finds his voice —— learning to use it to speak words of love and truth in a world that has only ever been cruel to him ; raising his voice so that it can be a light in the darkness. 

high society life tastes bitter upon eden’s kind palette ; and though he is treated with nothing but malice within lovegrove manor or the high society around him, eden endures the trials and tribulations of his new life in order to use his predicament for his own benefit. rather than fixating on the cruelties of his adoptive family, eden decides to focus instead on the opportunities that have presented themselves ; using the money and the connections that the lovegroves possess in order to grow into someone that his lover, lost in wisconsin but forever in his heart, can be proud of. 

a quiet renegade, eden decides to pursue journalism, graduating with honours from yale ; becoming a questioner of the common, and using his compassion and kindness and his love for words to grow into a safe-harbour for the voiceless. his first piece, an exposé on the callous and tokenistic life he has lived with the lovegroves, leaves him branded as a traitor by the family that took him in for their own devices ; and finally, after being cast out in shame, eden finds himself free at last. 

the name lovegrove suits him well, however ; love becoming him, love consuming him —— and so he keeps his adoptive surname, wearing it like a battle wound for all the world to see. writing of people’s stories, in search of the truth, kind, but lonely, this is the way that eden lovegrove spends his days. 

.

.

.

ink-stained fingers & a sorrow-drenched soul that only wants to heal ; the stars, the moon, a study of the human condition through prose and endless essays. a journalist at guardian u.s., and a freelance writer, eden lovegrove is an ink splatter of words thrown against kaleidoscopic feelings —— messy, hurt, lost, ardent, sincere, broken, human, and so much stronger than he knows.

WHERE ONE STORY ENDS, ANOTHER BEGINS : ATLAS IN OLYMPUS.

“ SOMETIMES I GET THESE VISIONS — HORRIBLE VISIONS OF INEXPLICABLE VIOLENCE, GRIEF & SORROW [ … ] LIKE REMNANTS OF A PAST LIFE BLEEDING INTO MY PRESENT. ”

over the course of the past six months, eden has started experiencing some truly horrendous nightmares —— these terrors sometimes even creeping past the border of sleep, haunting him in visions during hours of waking. 

trauma from the park household, trauma from the lovegrove family ; that’s what eden believes, and that’s what his therapist believes. how could they know that these visions are actually coming from a past life ? one where eden was condemned to hold up the celestial heavens for eternity, as atlas. 

“ TAKE A BREAK, SON. A VACATION. THE WORLD WILL STILL BE HERE TO WRITE ABOUT WHEN YOU GET BACK.  YOU GOT A GIRL ? TAKE HER SOME  PLACE NICE. ”

eden doesn’t know how to tell his editor that he’s never had a girl, and nor will he ever. but the vacation doesn’t sound like too terrible an idea —— so eden packs up his belongings, and asks a man at the airport counter what the cheapest & earliest flight to someplace nice would be. KAOS, the man says. the island of kaos. and just like that, atlas finds his way to olympus. 

.

.

.

eden’s toes curl gently into a horizon of golden sands ; soft waves lapping at his feet as he relearns how to breathe. a softness emanates from the setting sun ; filling the broken man, full, to the bone. the world is wide —— and for the first time in his life, on this strange and beautiful island called kaos, eden feels like he might be in exactly the right place at exactly the right time. 

since arriving in kaos one week ago eden’s nightmares have been getting worse ; and the visions, strange, violent, and full of glimpses of sorrow, split his head with migraines —— yet curiously, eden does not feel as if he is breaking  —— on the contrary, it feels as if he is on the very edge of awakening.

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–— AAAAAND, SCENE !!!!

 i’ll get to posting some replies to starters & interacting tomorrow ( because i’m eXHAUSTED after an excruciatingly horrendous day at work today ), but please like this post if you’d like to plot something up ??? OR LITERALLY JUST slide into my dms and throw headcanons for our muses at me pls ?! bc i’m awfully awkward and idk ?? how ?? to aPPROACH PEOPLE for plotting !!!!!

okie bye i’m going to go make some dinner and then shall slumber for 2000 years, but ilu all already and am so excited !!!! to start !!!! writing !!!!!

[dideki]

tag time, thank you!

 Hello, I hope you’re all having a nice day. The things I was tagged in have clumped up so I thought I could just do them all now. Thank you to everyone who tagged me!!!

1. Diana @britneyshakespeare (thank you so much!!)

Rules: tag people you’d like to get to know better! (reading this i felt like one of those crying cats, im so honoured seriously thank you)

Top 10 songs I can’t stop listening to: this is actually very well-timed because i can actually name these and also @sastrugie tagged me in a similar one, thank you:

You Ain’t Going Nowhere - Bob Dylan

Atlantis - Donovan

All La Glory - The Band

Moondance - Van Morrison

Šlechtici - Golden Kids

Not Enough - FUR

Leave Her, Johnny - George Sneez

Be Bop A Lula - Gene Vincent

Series Of Dreams - Bob Dylan

Márti Dala - Pásztor Anna & Kiss Tibi

Favorite color(s): all but orange on its own. orange paired with something else is fine. it’s amazing if it’s obnoxious.

Favorite ships: two white cats they’re husband and wife, the coconut lorikeets in denver zoo and merthur

Lipstick or chapstick: neh

Last Movie: my brother and i watched Thor: Ragnarök again last week, I think that was it. I’ve been really trying to watch more movies lately, especially considering how it’s the primary art source of the era (not really but it is kinda.. what)

Currently Reading: Winnie the Pooh

i’ll tag everyone at the end of this, thank you!

2. thank you @smittyjaws and @savoy-brown-shoe for this tag from ages ago!

the point is that i shuffle my music library and list the first ten that come up

 A 67-es Út - Republic

Death Of A Clowd - The Kinks (look at this babie)

Feel A Whole Lot Better - Tom Petty

Somebody To Love - Queen 

Paintbox - Pink Floyd

Piano Concerto No. 1 - Tchaikovsky

No Time To Think - Bob Dylan

The Diary Of Horace Wimp - ELO

The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down - The Band

Oh! Darling - The Beatles

thank u!

3. thank you @thenesmith for this here very 7 questions tag! i love the format you did this in by the way and also @britneyshakespeare too!!

Relationship status: i’m not in a romantic relationship with anyone

Favourite colour: see above but i also realized that i really like that blue that my corduroy shirt is, it’s like light but strong and muted at the same time

Lipstick or chapstick?: no thank you

Top three ships: yuh

Last song I listened to: I’m listening to Help! by the Beatles, thank you youtube autoplay

Spell out your name with song titles: W - Wonderboy - The Kinks I - I Love My Shirt - Donovan L - Lod’ Do Neznáma - Tublatanka E - Everyday - Buddy Holly S - Summer ‘68- Pink Floyd 

4. Thank you, Diana @britneyshakespeare yet again!

15 questions, 15 mutuals

Are you named after someone? I am not.

When was the last time you cried? Two days ago on the way home on the bus because I was thinking of a song that made me cry

Do you have kids? no thankfully

Do you use sarcasm a lot? I try not to

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Well, I guess at first glance I see how they look, but behaviour-vise I tend to notice how aware they are of their surroundings

What’s your eye colour? You know that post telling hazel-eyed people to shut up? Brownish-green. Totally green if the lights are right. Totally brown when the lights are not right etc

Scary movie or happy ending? Both can be good, especially combined

Any special talents? I can bend my left thumb in a way that it looks like my hand is broken

Where were you born? Right in the middle of Budapest in a hospital

What are your hobbies? Reading, drawing whatever i can, i guess music, ruining various pieces of clothing with various techniques, putting whatever spices i see in whatever dish i’m making, being gentle with my cat

Do you have any pets? cat

What sport do you/have you played? I used to swim a lot, even tried synchronized swimming for a year or two, then gymnastics when I was littol, then I took up karate and broke my arm three months in so I quit, I tried ballet too this year but that’s over now and I also did yoga for a few months so yeah these are the official ones

How tall are you? 5′4″? 164 cm?

Favourite subject in school? I don’t dislike any of them. I like English a lot tho

Dream job? shepherd. but a lot of people told me that i have potential to better the world and i want to do that too somehow but also if i could just focus on getting through each day not by making money but by making bread or yes, herding sheep, i would do that too.

thank you!!

5. thank you @thenesmith again! this is to post gifs of my top 5 favourite movies. (currently)

1. Spider-man: Homecoming

2. The Road To El Dorado

3. Labyrinth

4. The Rutles - All You Need Is Cash

5. idk Back to the Future

wuh

6. thank you, @siliconpine!

20 songs tag game

A song you like with a color in the title || Crimson and Clover - Tommy James & The Shondells

A song you like with a number in the title || Fourth Time Around - Bob Dylan

A song that reminds you of summertime || Mary Jane’s Last Dance - Tom Petty (obvi)

A song that reminds you of someone you’d rather forget || i dont think theres a song such as this because i dont like forgetting people

A song that needs to be played LOUD || Birthday - The Beatles

A song that makes you wanna dance || anything pink floyd because i came to the conclusion that you cant dance to pink floyd so i always want to prove myself wrong

A song that makes you happy || Happiness Runs - Donovan

A song that you never get tired of || Ophelia - The Band

A song that you would love played at your wedding || Light A Roman Candle With Me - fun.

A song that is a cover by another artist || Dream A Little Dream Of Me - The Mamas & the Papas

A song that you have sung as a duet at karaoke || none sadly

A song that makes you think about life ||  It’s Alright Ma (I’m Only Bleeding) - Bob Dylan

A favorite song with a person’s name in the title || Maxine - Traveling Wilburys

A song that you think everybody should listen to || It’s Nice To Be Nice - Pugwash

A song by a band you wish were still together || See My Friends - The Kinks

A song by an artist no longer living || Rock & Roll Suicide - David Bowie

A song that makes you want to fall in love || I Got You Babe - Sonny and Cher

A song that breaks your heart || You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go - Bob Dylan

A song that you remember from your childhood || Egy bogár - Cseh Tamás

A song that reminds you of yourself || Friends To Go - Paul McCartney

thank you so much!

7. again by @siliconpine!! thank you so much

A This or That Tag Game

Honey and lemon or milk and sugar // musicals or plays // lemonade or iced tea // strawberries or raspberries // winter or summer // beaches or forests // diners or cafés // unicorns or dragons // gemstones or crystals // hummingbirds or owls // fireworks or sparklers // brunch or happy hour what // sweet or sour no // Rome or Amsterdam // classic or modern art // sushi or ramen// sun or moon // polka dots or stripes // macaroons or croissants// glitter or matte // Degas or Seurat  // aquariums or planetariums // road trip or camping trip not a fan of either // coloring books or watercolor // fairy lights or candles

thank you!! i think this is it!

thank YOU if you got this far in, and I’ll tag @vanillatumbleweedscoffee @stars-in-my-damn-eyes @sneez @fancybasementfestival @kipland00 @dreameramongwildflowers @punkslap @rhapsody-under-pressure and everyone who i tagged before and anyone who wants to to do any of these tags as they see fit and if they’re in the mood or have enought time or are just looking for something to do

[coup-de-maine]

How to enter a fandom - RPC

Hey guys, time for a friendly PSA from yours truely~

So I’ve been in and out of a lot of fandoms, made friends, enemies, frenemies, grave mistakes and happy accidents. I also see a lot of people come in other fandoms. Most of yall do great but I see some people carry in this weird sort of self deprecating attitude that can immediately turn rpers away from them, which results in; more of that self deprecation. So Im here to hopefully help out with the best ways to enter a fandom or an rpc, make your presence known and make lots of wonderful friends.

Now the first, and most important thing, and I notice a ton of people struggle with it is:

General attitude. 

Let me give two examples of some first time posts.

“Hey! I’m new to the fandom. I know my bio and my theme sucks but would anyone like to rp? Maybe?”

VS.

“Hey! I’m new to the fandom. My bio and rules are located here, though they’re still under construction I’m really eager to develop them with interactions!”

Now I know the first one is tempting for a lot of reasons. You might not even feel like its all that bad, but up next to the second one it actually sounds a little...depressing, monotone, dry. Even though they start the same, one ends with me feeling like: this person really doesn’t put effort into things, they dont even really want to be here. All my threads with them are going to be lazily written or probably written with half baked enthusiasm.

The second person is happy to be here, eager to interact, admits that since they’re a new blog not everything is perfect. Yet, they don’t talk down on themselves or make it seem like anyone who talks to them will only be taking pity on them.

This is actually a big problem I see in the rpc. Making people take pity on you for interactions and the rule with that is simple:

don’t make people feel like they have to take pity on you. 

It’s a knee jerk reaction, I know. We’re all awkward humans on the internet who want to play up our faults. Who wants to say “My stuff is SO awesome! It’s the best”??? 

Well. You do. You’re new to a fandom. People already have established relationships, character arks, possibly with another version of the muse youre playing. Backstories so detailed it’ll make your head spin. You are literally selling yourself to these other rpers. Don’t sell them “A vacuum cleaner that sucks. No, not sucks up the dirt, it just sucks. Like me, Im trash and dont even have a working vacuum” No one wants to buy a vacuum cleaner that sucks.

Hate to break it to you, but when you say you suck, or your stuff sucks; people are gunna believe you. Or they’re just gunna pity you. And thats not great either. 

Heck you might think; why not? So long as they rp with me, whats wrong with that? 

Well... lots of things but mostly; pity isn’t a good feeling. Nobody wants to feel guilted into rping with you. Imagine seeing someone on your dash constantly posting about how no one likes them, their character or interacting with them. How they wanna die because they never get asks, no one likes their starters. (Sound extreme? I’ve seen it.) It makes you feel bad right? It makes you wanna like them but like- where do you even start??? They don’t even like them?? What common ground do you have?? “Hey, I see you hate yourself... uh... I hate you too?” Not great. Actually bad. You don’t know how to approach this person without becoming an emotional crutch, and you know they’ll latch on to you and suck every positive emotion out of your body so how do you win?

So lesson one is; People don’t want to be forced to feel so bad that they rp with you, they want to feel inspired to. Inspire some dudes! (or non-dude identifying people)

Presentation!

This is everything. Present yourself. You don’t need flashy icons or a cool promo- let me tell you, I’ve made some shitty promos in my life. See Here

That was my promo for a long as time. Until it was THIS that a friend made for me (A friend that I made. Through how awesome I presented myself. Thanks Vee, if you see this I still love you)

I can’t stress enough how important attitude is because I’ve had both a shitty attitude and a great one in the RPC and let me tell you, nothing kills a blog faster than a shitty attitude. Wanna make a self deprecating posts about that meme that you got 0 asks for? NUH UH. Think again. PITY = BAD, SHORT LASTING FRIENDSHIPS. INSPIRED = SUPER AWESOME HAPPY FUN TIMES FOREVER.

Yo, present yourself in a way that makes people wanna approach you. Get them interested, say something wacky or edgy or if your character is self deprecating then self deprecate through them but DO IT IN A FUN WAY. The people who care about icons and fancy promos usually aren’t worth lasting friendships either. Sometimes they literally spend more time formatting than writings something worth while for you. (some of you really balance it and just love formatting but u know im not talking about u Im talking about those that literally wont talk to us that dont)

So present yourself well and be genuine.

--- WAIT WAIT WAIT- be genuine?? What if my genuine self is self deprecating and negative? 

[JOHNNY TEST NOISE] 

HELL NO shut the what up I know you’re not, I know that’s a reflex to cover up how insecure you are, I know you hate how pathetic and small you feel so you point out all the things wrong with you before someone else can. That’s not you, and you are capable of more than that.

Dude. (and non-dude identifying peeps) I’m gunna say it again. I’m gunna say it a million times; one day it will sink in. Everybody feels that way. 

What?? Octo ur so cool and confident tho

You know how you never noticed?? CANT SEE MY HANDS SHAKE THROUGH THE COMPUTER.

DONT KNOW HOW LONG I HESITATED BEFORE SENDING THAT ASK MEME TO YA.

The internet is a playground because you can trick people into believing whatever you want about yourself. YEP even good things!!! You don’t have to wear your flaws on your sleeve, and you certainly don’t have to wear them like a full body cast that prevents you from doing anything fun in your life.

Take the cast off, take a risk. You literally have nothing to lose. Especially if no one interacts with you as is anyways.

Be mindful

This is more of a trick I use to make myself feel better. I don’t follow a lot of people so my dash is pretty slow. It’s fairly easy to tell when people are and aren’t active/online so I literally have to trick myself sometimes but;

If you reblog a meme and get nothing, step back and ask yourself; am I sure anyone even saw it? and are the people who did maybe to shy to send anything? Or maybe nothing in that meme applies to their character.

As a mute character I am VERY restricted to what memes I reply to. As a character who speaks VERY LITTLE I am VERY restricted to what dialogues I can send at all. This means I’m required to edit memes a little (this is allowed by most meme creators btw) or I need a very good relationship with a character in order to say/sign that many words at them.

And worse case scenario, queue it and reblog it again/later. Its no biggie, some memes don’t make it.

Self reflect

Check out people on the dash. Do they have interactions? What are they like? Is their character more welcoming? Maybe you’re character is more intimidating. You might need to actually seek out interaction.

Tumblr has this huge enigma where everyone wants asks but no one wants to send them. Curious anons come from someone, magic anons come from your peers, followers, friends. Some of them are pretty obvious. Want asks? Send them. We really need to get the ball rolling with this because its honestly a problem. Show some initiative and reach out. It actually feels pretty good seeing someone react to your outrageous anon. And its a lot of stress relief if you play an otherwise very serious character to get to branch out and be silly.

So you send asks, you like starter calls- why isn’t it working?

Well, a stranger knocks on your door and tries to get to know you. Its a little awkward- it can work sure in some cases. But in most you’ll probably close the door and phone the police.

The RPC isn’t as strange as that but what’s easier? Talking to a muse you’ve never met from a blog you’ve never seen before? Or writing a thread with your best bud, throwing in inside jokes and references to your favourite shows- teasing each other about that one embarrassing thing that happened to your muse- yeah. Yeah you get it.

If you have history or at least an idea what someone is like, you will want to interact with them more. I don’t know if you’re some mean... meanie pants whos gunna smack my muse because he offered you a cookie. And maybe you are, but if I don’t know you, or know that your muse is deeply traumatized by cookies, I might take that as you saying “Ew no get away I never wanna rp with you”.

It sounds harsh, but I KNOW it happens. It STILL happens to me, even with people I’m friends with. Even if someone has multiple blogs and I get on fine with one muse, if the other hates me I might get uneasy about sending in asks cause I feel like I’m directly bothering the mun (who I love on this blog but WHAT IF THEY START HATING ME THERE TOO???)

Separation is tricky. We all get jealous or feel neglected when our partners focus on another thread/ship or send mean angsty replies which is why its important to check yourself remind yourself you have value, mun =/= muse and that it’s all in good fun.

Have Rules

UGH no!!! Not rules I hate rules, I dont want to restrict anyone!

Listen. I get it. I was a rule-less blog for a long time. But you know what? You need them. Not just for you, but for the people who wanna interact. I still feel the need to ask people who have rules what they are and aren’t comfortable with. You might not realize it but shit can go down in rps especially in certain fandoms. Even if its just the basics. Write them. They matter.

Unless you’re fine with someone literally controlling your character, or a blog you dont even follow who RPs David Letterman tags you in a smutty thread where your muse and him are married and he’s heavily pregnant with 4 narwal baby’s I- I think you can see where I’m going.

If its just the basics, thats fine, everyone loves seeing that. No god modding, not forced shipping, ect- great. Less for me to remember. Add to it if you need to. Everyone experiences rp different. Make your experience a comfortable one.

(And stay tf away from me Preggo-letterman)

Step away.

If you’re feeling negative, just step away. Do not make a big post about it alerting everyone who follows you because they might not all respond well. If you have close friends in then fandom you can go to, talk to them, vent a little, or just remove yourself and get those feelings out. But remember that no one here is equipped to be your therapist, and we cant all be expected to take the burden from you. It is up to you to regulate your emotions. Use coping skills but please don’t make the fandom or your blog a toxic place to be.

You don’t feel good, and no one reading your posts feels good, and building friendships on not feeling good is just... completely not good.

Im not saying you must be sunshine and rainbows all the time, but feeling bad feels bad and even though rping is just a hobby and a past time you are still reaching into other peoples lives. Leave a good impact, try to be someone you would want to meet in the rpc. Make it a better place.

Tips and Tricks

If you leave with nothing else, please take these:

Send Messages. 

IM people, send them asks, get to know them before RPing.

Be kind.

Be generous.

Be enthusiastic.

Be happy.

[howlingmoonrise]

Dear Yuletide Author

hello and thank you for signing up for yuletide, i hope you have fun during the challenge!

i ramble a lot so my letter is under a readmore (i put everything in one post so you don’t have to juggle links around). obviously you don’t have to follow any of the things i put in here, but hopefully this will help you out!

general things i like

PINING. I’M SUCH A SLUT FOR PINING ALL THE PINING ULTRA PINING SUPER PINING. i have SO MUCH FUN reading about idiots in love who aren’t together yet and i far prefer it to fics with already established relationships. this is also applicable to when they know the other is in love with them but they can’t act on it for some reason.

i’m down for either gen or romantic!! what really does it for me is the developing relationship, platonic or otherwise, and the character dynamics and interactions and all the little moments in between. stuff like developing trust and finding kinship and growing respect for the other and subconsciously learning to lean on the other over anyone else is far more important for me than any kissing will ever be (though kissing is also nice if you wanna go down that route lmao)

i love love LOVE enemies/rivals-?to-friends?-to-lovers and bickering pairs in general, as you can probably tell by my choice in character! it’s so much fun and it gives us so many opportunities for character and relationship developments :D

continuing from the above points, nothing kills me as much as characters that bicker all the time but in the end they rely on the other and go to each other before they go to anyone else, whether they realize it or not

i REALLY like the canon and characters for all the fandoms i picked, so sticking at least to their characterizations and the overall “tone” of canon is a huge plus!! “missing scenes” and “what if” canon-divergent situations are excellent, as are continuations from where canon left us! that being said, i also enjoy more conceptual AUs and i’ve put more details about those a little further below. rule of thumb is that i enjoy AUs where the focus remains more on the relationship itself and how it works on such a setting than on the worldbuilding for it.

fun tropes i enjoy (sorry, these are a bit romance-leaning but if you’re not into that they can probably be adapted somehow): fake dating, accidentally got roped into x and shenanigans of all sorts keep happening, misunderstood confessions, groundhog day au, one or both the characters having stupid levels of denial while technically in a relationship and just not realizing it like What Do You Mean We’re Dating??, that sorta thing.

TROPE SUBVERSION ALL THE WAY!

general things i dislike

kidfics. babyfics. next gen fics. pregnancy fics, or even pregnancy discussed in the fic is a major squick of mine. the one exception i make for kidfics is for petshop of horrors when it comes to chris and the pets, as they already belong in canon, but no babies or children otherwise please.

future fics in general, actually. what i enjoy is the relationship development, so huge time skips make me feel like we missed way too much. one exception to this is post-canon petshop of horrors, for obvious reasons.

i usually don’t like most angst stuff since it feels a bit gratuitous to me when it comes to most fandoms and characters. the one exception for this is psoh (see below if you’re picking this fandom - and wow psoh seems to be the exception to everything huh) or when it’s a more introspective sort of fic. as a result of this, i’d pass on most content with major character death, sexual abuse, self-harm, the like, though of course there are always exceptions to the rule and you’re free to write as you wish!

hard AUs are a bit ugh to me. by this i mean AUs that rely heavily on setting, such as high school AUs, harry potter AUs, that sort of thing. i DO however enjoy stuff like siren AUs and soulmate AUs, depending on the concept and on the fandom. more details in their own sections if you enjoy writing those!

i heavily dislike things involving cheating/infidelity, sickfics, and genderbending of any kind is a bit ehhhh for me, as are concepts such as ABO. hard pass on stuff like dysphoria and deep diving into most mental illnesses, too (with a possible exception for depression when it comes to psoh). 

script-based or roleplay fic is not really my preferred format, i really enjoy prose instead of nearly all dialogue!

if you’re going for nsfw

kinks

moderate sadomasochism, uncommon forms of bondage (plants, stuck with strange substance or in awkward position, the shadows from p&tf as restraints, etc), choking/breathplay, xenophilia and tentacles/alien genitals (shadowplay in p&tf, non-human genitals for the staryk lord, etc), moderate degradation, edging/desperation play, ladies topping and calling the shots, bloodplay/knifeplay, long hair/hair pulling (staryk lord, leon orcot), sharp nails/claws (staryk lord, charlotte la bouff, count d; miryem mandelstam having them is actually preferable to the staryk lord now that i think of it), lowkey cannibalism imagery (count d re:leon orcot)

squicks

scat, vomit, praise kink, daddy or baby kink, vore, forced feminization, pet play, gore, abuse, abo, anything involving pregnancy at all

--

PETSHOP OF HORRORS

i’m usually not very partial to angst but GODS does psoh throw that out of the window, so feel more than free to run with it if you wanna go down that route.  psoh is RIPE for angst. we got two people with abandonment and inadequacy issues: leon who decided to leave his whole life behind to chase someone who gave him life and then left and initially didn’t even bother to do it with any sort of goodbyes, and d who is supremely fucked up by his upbringing and had to push leon off the ark to continue his family’s mission and let drop one (1) single tear that he was not supposed to cry over a human. those fuckers. those idiots. i love them so much.

THAT BEING SAID, i also!!!! love slice of life shit for them!!!!!!!! GODS i love how much they bicker but then they turn around and the other is the person they rely on the most and who they trust implicitly above all others and how they keep roping each other into ridiculous shenanigans. neither of them are particularly communicative with a few rare exceptions, so there’s also a lot of room there for introspection and unspoken affection on both sides, which i LOVE. my son leon in particular is also super underestimated when it comes to his intelligence and tolerance for gay shit both in canon and fandom, and he performs ridiculous leaps of logic and instinct that somehow turn out to be right but that are super ???? for everyone else involved, and that’s always fun to see. hell, just another missing scene where leon brings d some cake and they banter fondly over tea is A++++ to me!!

nsfw???? bring it!!! this is the one fandom where you’re more than free to go super dark and kinky if you wanna, or if you wanna write tender loving reunion sex where d cries a little while leon is loving and disbelieving and so very careful that’s also excellent! i don’t have a particular preference on who tops either, it’s fun either way, but i tend to see leon more as a sub/masochist >u> i can also see it going a bit dark with those two, especially considering d and his kind (implied to eat human flesh and being predators more than once) so bloodplay and cannibalistic thoughts could be fun. re: d’s genitals (as are hotly debated in the fandom), i usually prefer either a dick or triple threat d, though some fun plant-man shenanigans also have their place here.

all in all, psoh is the most excellent genre triangle where i’d be super happy to receive anything on the slice-of-life/angst/smut corners! (also, slash is 3249823% acceptable if you couldn’t tell by my ranting, as is a hint of crack)

if you’re thinking going AU on this one, my suggestions are of slight universe alterations instead of major world AUs. examples could be soulmate AUs (trope subversion would be GREAT here, aka foreign script they didn’t initially recognize, or only Ds having soulmates while humans do not, or the same scenario as the last but leon DOES have it on his skin and just keeps it hidden because Normal Humans Don’t Have Birth Tattoos, or d never expected to have one because his kind is dead and yet when he pushes leon from the ark the soulmate bond is forged, etc), a different first meeting, or even missed connections when they did not know each other yet; something like papa being alive and brady bunch-ing it up with them and chris would also be both excellent and hilarious. epistolary form for those two is also fun! if you wanna go full universe AU, something like a vampire hunter leon could be very interesting >u>

--

SPINNING SILVER

WHERE DO I EVEN START. miryem and the staryk lord were my favourite part of the book; if the book was only their story i would have already been more than satisfied. the rest of the book is also excellent, but those two???? that story was far too great. enemies to allies to lovers is one of my favourite tropes, and this is one of the examples that just keeps proving me right. the slowly growing respect, the wariness when they both know what the other is capable of, the staryk lord getting hit with the hots for his wife when she manages the impossible and then miryem being unable to just let it go when he’s imprisoned and defeated. ACTUALLY lemme just grab that line of thought and bring up that moment when he was sorrowful and resigned when miryem didn’t argue further for the three rooms full of gold and he thought she would not succeed and that she would have to die for it. that, right there? those moments of renewed respect, those moments sudden longing for something they did not know they wanted? those are the things that kill me.

tonally, i love the sort of writing in canon too much to ask for anything different, though you’re by no means obliged to keep to it or to 1st person pov (i have a love-hate relationship with 1st person pov, ngl). missing moments from the novel or moments from the period of time they spent either courting or apart would be GREAT. for those two i actually don’t mind it too much if they’re already established, if it’s early on in the relationship when they’re still learning how to step around one another. the staryk lord flabbergasted or in awe of miryem is always Excellent(TM). bits of worldbuilding and staryk culture would be fun as applied to their relationship (such as the names thing, or courting habits, etc) as are AUs such as soulmates or alternate meetings and the like. if you’re wanting to go full universe AU, keeping some fairytale elements would be great!

if you’re going for nsfw? the name kink, holy shit that would be so goooood. the staryk lord being a bit of a masochist under miryem’s hands would also be great, and inhuman staryk genitals and erogenous zones/acts would be great to play with such as human body heat affecting them in different ways from normal, etc. bringing in his long hair would be a major plus. the build-up for the actual act is the best, so miryem and the staryk lord being super hot for each other while either denying it internally pre-relationship or being unable to go through with it post-relationship due to several factors (busy dealing with their people, no privacy, etc) would be EXCELLENT. so much fun can be had here!

--

PRINCESS AND THE FROG

i am 100% aware this is a weird-ass pairing but gods, the possibilities. it has so much potential. there are few things i like quite as much as a villain and a good person developing a strange sort of kinship with each other. this doesn’t have to mean in a romantic way, obviously! as i said, for me it’s the building understanding and reluctant respect that i really love, far more than the actual romance. 

ideas, ideas, ideas. i’m aware this is a rare relationship to either portray or ask for, so i’m gonna try to give some more concrete-ish ones for you to build up on if you have no clue as to how to approach this. we could have canonverse with charlotte dealing with the shadowman in some other matter while the main plot is occurring, making him feel somewhat guilty about the whole marriage plot with laurence-turned-naveen; cue introspection or an entirely different outcome. or a post-canon sort of hades&persephone plot, with charlotte curious despite herself and tempted to listen to a shadow/dead/whatever!dr facilier when she’s the only one that can hear him, or her being dragged Beneath as well in a freak accident and then charming him into helping her back to the surface/living world (very, veeeeery reluctantly on his part, at least at the start, he might have even be thinking of tricking her but then change his mind when the time comes to do it). i think dr facilier wouldn’t be sure how to deal with charlotte’s particular brand of personality and good humour, and it’d throw him off his rhythm a lot - that sort of thing is always super fun to write. 

soulmate au in canon would work pretty well, but with this pairing? FULL WORLD AU IS YOURS FOR THE TAKING. keeping to the shadowman sort of thing to her normal bougie self would be a major plus; it’s one of her charms. also, charlotte thinking that she wants one thing (her prince, for example) while keeping getting drawn to him time and time again could work on pretty much any era or setting. vice-versa for him, thinking he wants to be rid of her but coming to realize he’d actually miss her if she were to be gone. OR, charlotte deciding she wants this sullen manipulative bastard and manipulating HIM into taking her out and hanging out with her would be hilarious.

if you wanna do nsfw, i have only one major request: charlotte calling the shots/topping. i think this arrangement would be entirely in character for both of them (dr facilier would prob also enjoy having someone else do all the work lol) considering her go-getter attitude, but keeping in mind his manipulative personality i’d be more comfortable if she had some control over what was happening. ASIDE FROM THAT, dyou know what would be fun? a little darkness, and by that i mean consider dr facilier’s shadow joining in on the fun. shadows would also be an interesting sort of constraint. also i know i said charlotte calling the shots, but she can be constrained by the shadows while being amused by it or being used for it to happen (the latter case implying it’s not the first time that they’ve used it in bed play), or charlotte could team up with Shadow to do it to facilier instead. charlotte using her nails and facilier being a bit of a sub/masochist would also be pretty good!

(actually in general it’d be really fun if there was some complicity between charlotte and facilier’s shadow in general, regardless of nsfw or not. the shadow being wrapped around her little finger is an excellent concept, especially if facilier isn’t too fond of her just yet lmfao.) 

thank you for reading all my rambling, and i hope you have fun!

[danfanciesphil]

Hey Ellen 💕 I’m a new fic writer and i need some tips, whenever i write a fic i write dan and phil and when i read it back i can barely recognise them sjsjhdbdbdbbd or either they are too similar to each other (i can write i promise) sooo have u got any advice. Also how in the heck do I write smut

Hey friend! 

To begin with, I suggest checking my writing tips tag! there are some lengthy posts there with hints and tips for how to characterise DnP, how to create a compelling story, how to plot etc etc. 

BUT ladies and gentlemen I realise I have never made a post about smut writing, and I am so pumped. Get ready gang, for here are Ellen’s smut writing tricks lmao:

(nsfw.......... obviously)

1. TENSION

This is my most important tip. It’s a personal thing for sure, but I absolutely think that no matter how good the smut is, it’s nothing without the build-up. Tension can come in a variety of formats, but to get really good smut, I think the best kinds are: prolonged waiting (e.g. they’re at a fancy party and are salivating over each other in tuxes, but can’t fuck until they get home), jealousy, excessive teasing/flirting, or doing it in secret. These added elements, usually put in prior to the actual smut scene, give the reader context, make them wait, anticipate, and be extra satisfied with the final result. 

2. DON’T BE VULGAR

Just try and avoid excessive use of the words ‘cock’, ‘ass’, ‘cum’ etc. This is not to say it can’t be dirty, but there are less jarring ways to phrase certain actions. Using a vulgar phrase can pull a reader out of the scene momentarily, which for smut is the opposite of what you want! Smut scenes are meant to be an immersive experience - their purpose is literally just to arouse/thrill the reader. So by all means have Dan riling around on the floor with his balls tied and a gag in his mouth, but maybe refrain from saying it so bluntly. 

3. STOP WORRYING ABOUT THEIR HANDS

One of the most irritating things about m/m or w/w smut scenes in fanfiction, is trying to work out, as a reader, what position they’re in now, and if they’re on the bed yet, or if their clothes are off, or if that vibrator is still stuck in Phil’s- A rule that I live by in every day writing is TRUST YOUR READER. It’s my all time favourite rule. Stop over-describing everything. Your reader is intelligent. They have (most likely) read smut scenes before. You do not need to say where everything is every sentence. Not sure how they’re getting from pressed up against the wall to the sex swing on the other side of the dungeon?? Just skip it! You are the omniscient puppet master, you don’t need to justify how it happens, you just need to write about it. I’ll try to give you an example:

Bad: Dan kisses Phil hard and slimily, pushing him with lots of force up against the hood of his green, metallic car. “I’m going to bite you now,” Dan growls sexily, his voice rough and grating. Then he grins, revealing a long line of yellowed fangs. He strips Phil of his red Buffy the Vampire Slayer t-shirt and folds it up, then lays it on the floor next to Phil’s converses, which he put there earlier. Then he opens Phil’s Calvin Klein jeans, revealing his blue boxer shorts. He pulls them off one by one, folds them up too, then slips his right claw under Phil’s left thigh and pushes it upwards. He leans in, eyes blinking two sets of lids, and with his left hand, runs a long nail over Phil’s milky skin. “Let’s move to my paddling pool,” Dan says, then takes Phil by his left hand and helps him off the hood. Phil waddles after him, boxers caught around his ankles as they make their way over to the pool. “So sunny today,” Phil comments - the walk is a lot longer than expected. Dan nods. “Yeah it’s been balmy. Nearly there now.” 

Good: Dan kisses Phil hard, pushing him up against the hood of his car. “I’m going to bite you now,” Dan growls, then grins, revealing a long line of yellowed fangs. He strips Phil of his t-shirt, then his jeans, breathing heavily. His claw slips under Phil’s thigh and pushes it upwards. Dan leans in, eyes blinking two sets of lids, and runs a long nail over Phil’s skin.Phil sucks in a breath, delirious from Dan’s venom in his blood. They’re in a paddling pool now, and Dan is thrashing about in the shallow water above him. Phil can’t wait to feel those fangs pierce his wet skin. 

Basically, I just took lots of unnecessary description out, which leaves a much clearer plot. You see how I just jumped them from the car to the pool? Nothing is lost by the reader not knowing exactly how they got there. It’s still gonna work, just trust the reader!

4. WATCH PORN

Might seem obvious, but it helps! Also, read lots of smut from other phanfic writers. It doesn’t hurt to get ideas! Just don’t actually steal. And when watching porn, try and find some stuff that you personally find hot, but also stuff that you could totally see happening in the scenario you’re writing. Look at how a twenty-something man might actually give an effective blowjob. What positions could a thirty-something man realistically get into? What kinds of activities might a couple that have been together for ten years do in bed? Would your versions of Dan and Phil be comfortable around each other, and if so, would they be open to kinkier activities such as role-play, BDSM etc? Just do some research, get some ideas! 

5. ACT IT OUT

I’m blushing but yeah. Several of my followers have informed me that they use blowjob techniques from Birthday Sex IRL. While this is not something I can do (i am a girl and have a girlfriend), I heartily encourage you to see if certain things are possible sexually before attempting to describe them. For a certain scene in L’Histoire Française, I specifically remember leaning against my door and having my girlfriend kneel in front of me (while clothed you pervs) to see if Phil’s arms would be able to reach certain areas on Dan’s body. Feel free to laugh at this ridiculous image. 

6. CHARACTERISE

A pet peeve of mine is when I’m reading a smut scene, and Dan and Phil just say something out of the blue that is just so ridiculous I can’t read on. A specific example of this is overuse of the word ‘daddy’. If you explain the usage, and you can prove to me with your writing and build up that this might be said on occasion, go for it. (Shout out to my fic Daddy Kink) But even if they were calling each other daddy, it wouldn’t be every fucking three seconds. Likewise with other weird pet names (bear, darling, love, baby, etc.) In moderation I suppose you can get away with it. But your best bet is to actually just lie down, close your eyes and imagine your scene. Imagine Dan with his awkward humour defense mechanisms and hang-ups about his body. What might he actually say if he was about to sit on Phil’s face? Would he really say “oh, daddy, yes, i’m a naughty boy!!”, or would he say something more like: “please, for the love of god, tell me if you suffocate. im not explaining to your grieving mother that you died with your face buried in my ass.” 

7. IF IT TURNS YOU ON, IT WILL PROBABLY TURN THEM ON

This is pretty self explanatory. Think of what you’d like to read in a smut scene. Think of things that you haven’t read anywhere else, that you think a lot of people would be excited to read. Wrote a long scene about quadruple tentacle penetration that you’re unsure whether to post? If it turns you on when you read it back, if it’s well-written, convincing, and you followed the other tips above, in all likelihood there are gonna be some freaks out there on your wavelength that will fucking love it. 

That’s it! Thanks for asking, I hope this helps. Love to all you aspiring smut artists, good luck and keep porning.

<3

[thelastlivingme]

Thanks @the-twisted-otaku for tagging me!

1. What is the minimum number of words you consider valid to finish/post a fanfiction?

Around 1500, but I usually strive for 2000 per chapter.

2. Do you usually write one-shots or series with several chapters?

I usually write several chapters, I have never written a one-shot! I have yet to actually finish a fanfiction though...

3. Which three fandoms inspire you the most to write?

Black Butler, Sherlock, Supernatural

4. Do you remember what fandom your first fanfiction was? If so, what was it?

Sherlock...it was about Moriarty's history. I didn't finish it because I hit a dead end...as happens very often.

5. Do you post your fanfictions online? If so, where do you usually post them?

I post most of them on Fanfiction.net or Wattpad

6. What are your five favorite/most used fanfiction tropes/clichés?

I don't really like clichés, and I don't write romance so romantic clichés don't come into it...

7. Do you usually include OCs in your fanfictions?

Sometimes. I'm not against it but I like to round my characters out and try and make them as canon as possible. That's just how I roll!

8. Angst or fluff?

Angst...fluff is...not my thing.

9. Do you write OOC?

I try REALLY, REALLY HARD not to, but sometimes I have to twist canon to make the story work.

10. Do you write smut?

No.

11. Do you ever kill characters in your fanfictions?

Yes, but not in any that I've published (at least not characters that canonically don't die)

12. Do you write AUs?

Yes, I quite enjoy them. But I try to keep the characters and settings either canon or believable.

13. Do you edit your fanfictions? If so, how many times do you usually edit them?

Way too much eheh...I tend to edit as I go along, then go over them loads of times to check how smoothly they go together...

14. What languages do you usually write in?

I am a native English speaker, and write all my fanfiction in English. I do use the occasional Norwegian name or term, however.

15. Do you read fanfictions? If so, where do you usually read them? Do you have any favorites?

Yes I do read fanfictions but I am easily put off by bad grammar or spelling. I usually read them on fanfiction.net as I find AO3 and Wattpad are riddled with badly written romances. It's so sad how many rape-centered Sebaciel fanfictions you find when trying to get something decent on AO3. But with fanfiction.net I can filter out what I don't want quite easily as the formatting is far less confusing. One of my favourite fanfictions is by Happyritas on fanfiction.net. It's a kind of action-mystery and is one of the best written fanfiction I have ever read in terms of grammar, spelling and storyline. Here's a link:

The Interesting Adventures of Aries:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12570657/

16. What is your ideal environment to write? Make sure to mention:

Place

Time of day

Alone or with someone

Snacks/Objects you want with you

Writing Platform

I'm assuming this is about where I like to be while writing. I suppose I like to be either in my bedroom or outside or on the bus. I prefer to write alone, I have a way of...graphically... describing violent scenes. I like to write at night, in the late evening or in the morning. I prefer it to be raining. I use my phone to write, actually I don't think I've ever used the computer for a fanfic! I like to have headphones in and be listening to relevant music. For mysterious/face-off scenes I like music similar to Omen by Guilhem Desq. For fight scenes I like Motorhead and Lynyrd Skynyrd.

17. Fic writers need more attention, and you know what that means. Time for shameless self-advertising! If you'd like, please tell us about:

• Five or more fanfictions you've written that really need to be read.

I don't have any finished fanfictions, but if you want a taste of my writing, head to fanfiction.net and search for StarlightIRISfanfics. I have one on there called 'Out Of The Blue' and one on amino called 'Memories of Death'.

• Your (tumblr/AO3/fanfiction.net or other site) writing account.

Fanfiction.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/8713725/StarlightIRISfanfics

Black Butler Amino: http://aminoapps.com/p/lqrsp

• Something you're writing now and plan on posting soon.

Phantom Wolf should be up on fanfiction.net again soon.

• Anything else we need to know about your writing.

My latest fanfiction, Memories of Death, is basically an original fiction that has a demon in it whose character is based on Sebastian, so if you want to read something without having to know about Black Butler or Sebastian's character then that one's for you!

It's also the only thing I've ever written which contains some semblance of romance!

18. Finally, your question of choice. What is it you want people to ask you about your writing? Go ahead and answer it!

No I will not write romance in because you want me to, BRENDA.

Ok.

I only know one fanfic writer on Tumblr so I'll tag @sebastianshoe!

You don't have to do it, but it would be nice if you did!

[castielartandcomics]

OKAY. THE TIME HAS COME FOR THIS POST TO BE MADE. Even if it will be just a bunch of projects and me talking about them, it’s something I’ve been willing to do since a lot of time, mostly for a bit of self-esteem and to let you know that I’m actually working on stuff.

Since this will be a long post with some pictures, everything is under the cut! >:3

Honestly, I could start with a list of all the reasons why I haven’t been posting much, but the main reasons are low self-esteem and little to no time to do my stuff. School has been killing me slowly in the latest times, so the main reason why I post so little it’s actually academic work, nothing more and nothing less. ... this being said, let’s begin from what is REALLY interesting. >:3c

Gastertale

First of all, YES, I’m still working on Gastertale! And I’m extremly sorry for the long gap between the pages: the next page IS done, I just need to add dialogues, but I still haven’t for the simple reason that I don’t want to publish it only to make you wait other three months for another page. Hopefully soon I’ll return to have a bit of time, and at this point I’ll make pages more often and way better. I’ve improved a lot in this months, and despite there will probably be a little gap of style too between one page and another, I think I’ll be able to give you something more! My objective when I’ll restart to post it is to make at least one page a week and give a bit of a regular schedule, but about regularity it’s something that we’ll have to see (again, academic work). But hey, at least I’ll try to make you wait less than three months for the next page! </3

Plus, to confirm that something IS actually done:

preview, WOHOO!!

Sonic Humanitymorph & Sonic Battle Remastered

Basically. I want to draw more Sonic, and I want to draw him with a purpose. It’s... kind of a long story, but I’ll make it short for you because I don’t want to annoy you with melancholic and dramatic stuff (?). In a few words, I want to build new memories with Sonic and company, since my first memories are... kind of lost. I literally grew up with him, yet I remember little to nothing about his stories and about me in that period, and it’s something that makes me suffer a bit. SO! I’d really love to build new memories and honour a hero I’m really fond to, and I’d love to make this with you all! Since I also noticed that you really like my human!Sonic characters, so-! /)u(\

So, basically, the ideas are: MORE human characters. I still have your suggestions, I simply didn’t have the time to think about them, but I will surely do it! I’d love to make a lot more of the characters, if not all of them! And together with it, also another thing inspired by @slightly-gay-pogohammer‘s adaptation of Rayman “I’m Only Human”, which consist in adaptations of some of my favourite Sonic’s games, but in human form. And with some basic differences of course. I’m already working on it - my idea is of comics (as you could imagine, since I’m writing this on my art blog) but with a “much faster” style that will let me publish pages with a pretty fast rate (gotta go fast). Basically, sketches, and my sketches are very clean so the result should be pretty good. I’m working on Sonic Battle (which name will be Sonic Battle Remastered), which... SOMEHOW is still one of my favourite games of ALL TIMES, but in the list there’s also Sonic Riders Zero Gravity. And for the otheeerrrssss... well. I’m open to suggestions? :3

Rick and Morty: Kattebel

Remember him?

Rick I-T2B2, my personal interpretation of Rick Sanchez. WELP, I made him with a story in mind - and I actually thought of this verse’s versions of Morty, Summer, Jerry and Beth, even if I still haven’t drwan them because, again, freaking academic work. I’m tired, guys. What I have in mind with them is telling the story via comics, but in a slightly different way. I have little images with them, nothing that can be considered a full episode “worth” of a classic comic adaptation, that I think would be pretty cool if done in the simplest way, like a series of images without the need of making a full page. ... I’m not sure if I explained myself correctly, but in two word: SIMPLER STUFF. I’d love to make them, mostly because it’s a little and fun way of exploring this verse and its dinamics more than with just drawings of the characters. After all, I do want to tell you stories, and I should start to actually do it FOR GOOD, even in the simplest of ways! ... despite... yes, I actually have a more complex comic with Rick I-T2B2, about the “origin” of the condition of him and Morty (and by reflection of the whole family). So I think you can expect something bigger here too, despite it will be a MUCH shorter comic!

DEPONIA LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW

[FINGERGUNS] LET’S TALK ABOUT DEPONIA. First objective: actually finish the games. I have them since... a lot, and I still haven’t finished them for-- well, you know by now. An objective is surely to finally play the last two chapters and cry my eyes out, but we’re here for art, so here’s my project with Deponia:

first, drawing it more. Like... a lot more. I have many little ideas for illustrations and many others for little sequences that I think are pretty funny that I’d LOVE to do. I just need to DO THEM. Also, I have a whole lyricstuck in my mind with the Deponia series, and I’d love to make it! Or at least try, I’m not used to lyricstuck. But they’re so good,, Then, I have two projects comic related: one is... little stories. Pretty much it. Something probably of no more than five-ten pages long per story, little missing moments that might be interesting. And angsty, maybe, probably, I’m not sure. The other is... adaptation. Yes, at this point you might have noticed that I love adaptations. It’s just a little idea, but I’ve always found (probably because I’m a comic artist tbh) that the Deponia games would be... really good in comic format. And mostly for training I thought, “hey, I might try some!”. An idea would be of making the whole series as a comic, but I’m not really sure I can do it - but I’m pretty sure I can make little parts of it! It’s a project I had in mind for quite some months by now, and I remembered about it some days ago since I was looking in my folders and...

a WIP was found. Ten points and a biscuit to whoever guesses the scene. This will probably be mostly training, unless things change or something very cool happens. I lowkey dream sometimes that they’ll hire me, but. It’s just a dream. On the other hand, I might open suggestions for scenes to adapt in the games! uvu ... when I’ll finish the games.

Left 4 Dead 2

Am I late?... naaah. You don’t even have idea of how many ideas I have for this fandom, and all in comic form, just to make my life easier. I have no idea of when I might make these, but will probably be sketchy, pencil stuff, and I will enjoy every moment of them. Boy, I love these characters. I want to tell stories with them,

Oxygen Not Included

I HAVE. A STORY IN MIND. And it will be long, angsty, harsh and tragic probably. I don’t have any WIP nor I can tell many details at the moment because,, I guess it would be spoiler? But, it will be an experiment and something that it’ll be interesting for me to try! All that is needed to understand is,, when I’ll be able to make it, honestly-

And for something less comic-y: references

Because I realized I often post sketches, but not actual references of my OCs. I mean fullbodies fully coloured, with palettes and objects and STUFF. It will be a pretty funny thing for me to do, because the versions I’ll give you of my OCs will be slightly different from the “final” version I’ll show you when I’ll be able to tell you their story - because YUP, I’m working on those too, but for now it’s still a very big work in progress, so I’m still not ready to show you stuff. ;3c But basically, an objective of mine is references. Make those darn characters references with nice palettes and cool stuff, so that you’ll actually have,, at least some more infos than a black and white sketch. ... and a good reference in case you want to draw them? I don’t know just,, dreaming a little bit,, I’ll make the references for the OCs I’ve published (so most probably the ones I’ve put and will put more on @mcmentics, because I’ll surely add someone else in there soon), and after making Leda’s reference sheet (because Gio requested him to be the first >:3c) I might put it “to the vote” to decide in which order make all the others. <3 ... or simply go and make them all with the order I want. I don’t know. Let’s see what the future will offer us. <3

And those other projects?

SECRETS (?) But actually, I have told you just the main projects I have. Some (many, actually) I’ll keep as a secret for now, some are just too vague to make a post about it. But, another project is surely to livestream more! Again, I’ll need to see when I’ll have some time, but as for now I’m starting to have some free moments for myself, and I’d love to share them with you! >:3

AAAAND okay, this post got really really long. </3 Sorry, I thought I would have been much faster, but I had so much to say, haha- I’m sorry if something isn’t explained very good, I’m a bit tired after waking up at 5am for academy (and it’s 10.30pm now so,,), but in case something interests you and you wish more infos, my inbox is always open!! <3

Have a wonderful day/afternoon/evening for now, and hopefully,, I’ll start to make something BIG soon! :D Thank you for reading! <3