#can my anxiety and insecurity handle this much? tbd

[six-demon-bag]

microdosing posting fic by announcing random writing shit on here and hoping no one sees it

[seawater-aurelia-writing]

The Break

Pairing(s): Fem!MC/Yuu/Reader x TBD

Summary: MC finally shuts down from all of her acts of helping with overblots and the countless favors/demands that are asked of her. When the Prefect of Ramshackle is the one who needs help, who steps forward?

WARNINGS

I am not the best at labeling warnings or triggers but I can say that this story is laden with neglect, self-neglect, anxiety, possible depression and attempts to justify the above. There could be more labels that I can add but i’m unsure how to word them - so please exercise caution.

Quick Note: The reader in this story is largely based upon Cinderella, for multiple reasons (#1 being that I want to and #2 being that I absolutely love Cinderella and think she’s amazingヾ(•ω•`)o ) . If that type of character behavior annoys or offends you, I recommend skipping this!

She should have seen it coming; The break. Her break.

Her sight blurred with tears, which spilled over her eyes  quickly as she laid upon the floor of the library – cold and alone. In front of her, just out of reach, laid her phone amidst the plentiful books which laid strewn chatoticly across the floor from her harsh tumble. Her phone vibrated constantly cause M/C o flinch as she imagined the messages that must be flying across her notifications; Her friends and upperclassmen asking for favors and why she hadn’t completed what they asked.

‘I need to… get up.’ She thought to herself, willing herself to move her arms but her body was more akin to cold, ancient steel, a machine that had been abandoned and forgotten throughout time; It felt nothing like how she was a month ago, a week ago, a few hours ago. ‘ I have.. so much left to do.’

As she tried to find the will to stand – M/C thought of how she ended up in this position; body battered and bruised after falling from the top of the ladder in the deserted corner of the library.

 She could barely life her feet as she made her way down the path, back towards Ramshackle Dorm. In her arms, Grim lay curled into her chest as he slept peacefully in her arms.

‘We both had a long day.’ MC mused to herself, gently pressing his closer as the cold, wintry wind blew harder. She recounted their day slowly, going over each task they had accomplished.

Crowley wished for them to wake up earlier to remove unwanted, viney weeds from around the campus gates, Sam’s Store, and the fencing around the Flying Course field in exchange he’d give them some aid to finally repair their roof. Unable to refuse such an offer, M/C awoke at 3 am to be able to accomplish all of the weeding.

However, Grim had not woken to any of her calls or he just ignored her, leaving M/C to venture into the darkened morning on her own to do the weeding.

After 2 hours, when she was finally able to head back to Ramshackle to freshen up before breakfast, she was stopped by Vil. The Pomefiore Dorm Head all but demanded her attention for an hour  in the afternoon, her lunch period specifically, to fetch him some arctic sea water from Azul.

Vil was supposedly unable to pick up the water himself as he had an impromptu photoshoot and Azul would only meet during lunchtime.

Despite the tone he used, M/C could sense that Vil was more antsy about missing his photoshoot -made more evident by the slight twitch at the mention of potentially missing the event. She agreed with a bright smile; choosing to ignore Vil’s comment about grass sticking to her and her ‘odor’ when she turned to leave.

Finally, she made it to Ramshackle and  rid herself of the stray remnants of debris before she freshened up. Grim, who finally awoke, all but rushed her from the home before she could rest – determined to beat Ace and Deuce to breakfast.

But as luck would have it, M/C could not make it to the Dining Hall before she was stopped by a rather, frazzled Ruggie, who all but shoved a bag of food onto her. He left rushed orders to take it to Leona as he was asked to help restock the lounge before classes. He ran off before she could refuse.

Grim happily skipped to the dining room, telling her not to waste time since he wasn’t going to save her any of the food. However, before she could rush off – Grim yelled back at her to pick up some tuna for him at Sam’s since she was going out of the main building anyway.

She only nodded, ignoring the hollowed feeling in her stomach and the way it rumbled in protest.

M/C remembers being stopped before she could reach Leona, the botanical garden just in sight. That view had been blocked by the ever-looming, Leech Twins. Floyd grinned down at her and plucked the sandwich from her hands.

“Ah! Koechi-chan is so sweet!~ She brought food for us, Jade” Floyd cheered, ignoring her protests and pleas for him to give her the food back.

“Indeed she did, Floyd.” Jade chuckled, doing nothing to stop his twin, who began to eat the food in front of M/C. “And by the way, Prefect. Vil told us that you would be the one picking up his items later today.”

“Y-yes that’s right. At lunch time.” She clarified, her voice softer as she deflated. In retrospect, she still didn’t know what she could have said to Floyd to make him stop. So many girls on Magicam were adamant about how they maintain dominance over their own friends to avoid being stepped on but they always sounded cruel; Giving instructions to ‘clapback’, to insult them,  to physically hurt them or poke at their insecurities to make them listen. She didn’t want to snap at the twins, not only would it not do her any good but angering them isn’t what she wanted.

“Azul needs to push that time to this evening, at dinner. Vil suddenly requested twice the amount and thus more payment is required.” M/C remembered the chill that ran down her spine as the Twins seemed to loom over her even more.

“P-Payment? But I don’t-“

“Rook is handling the payment but,in the even he doesn’t, please he prepared to pay any outstanding fees.”

The Twins ignored her pleas for clarification, with Floyd only turning around to demand that she be present for his basketball practice later today.

M/C recounted how, after that, her day became a blur with random intervals of clarity when another request or demand was made of her.

Ace and Deuce asking her to handle their chores in Heartslabyul of feeding the Hedgehogs and Flamingos while they went to mandatory study hall with Professor Trein.

Trey caught her and asked for her to pick up some cream from Sam’s shop for him. She also picked up the tuna that Grim had asked for and the only thing she could afford to eat to replace the breakfast that she missed – a discounted egg salad sandwich.

A sandwich she could only eat half of, as the other half was given to Silver, who had missed breakfast looking for Malleus. He had not asked anything of her, she remembered, but the way he looked at her was odd to say the least. He was adament on her sitting down and finishing her half of a sandwich before leaving  but the appearance of Ortho, who asked for her to run an errand for Idia, pulled her away.

Her classes came and went, leaving her feeling isolated as usual. Professor Crewel, never one to shy away from a ‘training’ opportunity, chided her for using an incorrect about of Phoeniz wings in her potion. He only became agitated when she proceeded to answer his questions about the potion, a simple draught, completely wrong. Grim was of no help as even he didn’t know the answers, nor did Ace or Deuce by what they had said but Ace and Grim took great joy in laughing at her misery.

Normally, it wouldn’t have affect her but today, it hurt.

But she smiled anyway.

Lunch time came and, again, she was stopped before she entered the dining hall. Sebek  demanded her help in finding Malleus, who was not present at lunch. Again, Grim deserted her as Sebek grabbed her and dragged her along beside him and Silver to find Malleus.

Again, Silver regarded her in an odd way but he said nothing out of the ordinary towards her.

They never did find Malleus and Sebek took too yelling at her for being unable to be of any use in finding him.

“..Sorry, Sebek. I’ll try harder next time.” Was all she could say, while Silver chided him on being too harsh.

As they made it back to the main building, it was time for classes; She had missed lunch as well.

 ‘Perhaps that’s why I was so dizzy.’ She thought to herself, managing to prop herself onto her elbows. The floor beneath her moved and rippled, similar to the waves in the great oceans back in her homeworld. ‘Correction, why I AM so dizzy…’

Her mind again wandered back to her day after lunch time; Where her day only worsened.

Without any proper food in her, there was no way that she could stay awake with Professor Trein’s class. Lucius quickly spotted her and alerted Trein, before Deuce could fully wake her up.

“Do you believe yourself too smart to pay attention within my class, Miss M/C.” He sneered, a glare firmly on his face as he gazed down at her.

“N-No, sir. I’m sorry, Professor! It wasn’t-“

“Silence.” His voice was firm as harsh, caushing her to flinch and shrink in her seat. “There will be no talking back to me of any kind. I had high expectations of you, Miss M/C and yet you have a complete lack of manners. As punishment, you will write me a paper explaining the important of Magical History, no less than 10 pages. If it is not on my desk first thing in the morning, then expect a harsher punishment. Do you understand?”

“Y-Yes, sir.” She mumbled, her head bowed in submission. M/C could remined the feeling of the heat behind her eyes; How hard it was to hold back tears in that moment.

She hadn’t expected kindness from Professor Trein but it seemed no one was recognizing that she was doing the absolute best that she could do with the circumstances that she was in.

She was blunt and sarcastic at times, yes, but she can’t think of anyone who can hold their tongue constantly. Yet when she seemed to speak, unless it was humorous in nature or her agreeing with those around her- she went unheard. But if she pressed and asked for help, who would drop their things to come to her aid?

Those thoughts plagued her for the rest of the day;

Even as Floyd threatened and scolded her for missing basketball practice, where she was supposed to stock the ice water and the cool towels for him,  even though Epel asked her to pick up some old weights from Ruggie.

Even when Ruggie scolded her for not delivering Leona’s sandwich, calling her a thief for eating the sandwich when she reassured him that she didn’t and that Floyd had taken it.

Even when Ace and Deuce whined and complained about letting them down for not feeding the animals properly, when she couldn’t do it properly as they never explained all of the rules to her.

Even when Azul asked, demanded, that she find a specific book for him within the dark recesses of the library before closing as Vil’s additional fee– the thoughts never left her.

In truth, she was merely an anomaly in this world; An irregularity that didn’t belong, didn’t have a place within this magic, twisted world that she found herself in. She was without even the most basic magic to help her through her day to day life as the other had. M/C didn’t know even the most basic of terms within classes that would help her – shown by her struggling grades and performance.

She wouldn’t last outside of NRC, even Crowley had alluded to that. She had no birth certificate, no I.D. on her person, and no family of which to speak of.

Who would risk their own education and future to help someone who wouldn’t be able to do anything on their own anyway?

Even Grim, the other half to her ‘whole student’ was beginning to separate from her as his magic was matured and refined.

But that was why she smiled, was it? She smiled because she liked being needed, feeling as if she had a place in a world where she had none. Even if it ended with her being overworked, sleep-deprived and feeling so hollow – she was needed. A little suffering was nothing.

If her friends would excel in the world around her, wouldn’t that be worth it all? They shouldn’t have to suffer and fail in their classes just because a useless anomaly couldn’t handle the most basic of things.

‘It’s fine.’ She thought to herself, finally pushing herself to her knees. She winced, her movements letting her know just how bad her fall had truly been; Her chest hurt and ached with every beat of her heart, her right leg, the one which hit the ground first, was pulsing and red hot and all over – it felt as if fire ants were stinging her.

“It’s..fine.” She mumbled to herself, reaching with shaking hands to begin the task of stacking the books that she knocked over.

“No, it is not.” Came a hardened voice from behind her.

M/C tensed, her eyes widening as she registered the voice as Professor Trein. As she straightened her back quickly, aiming to turn to look at her professor, the room began to spin once more. Sound all around her became muffled as it felt as though her entire was was submerged underwater.

 “ -s M/C. Are your manners that abhorrent that you cannot even turn to face when when I speak to y-.” Professor Trien fumed but his voice faded away despite how hard she attempted to focus on it.

“P-Professor…” She whimpered, curling into herself to try to stop the sensations around her; But they never ceased, even as she felt something wet run down her face - a pain beginning to bloom upon her head as she focused on the wet feeling.

And it all went dark.

[thekatherinewinchester]

Touch

Summary: Soulmates are found by touch; wherever you touch them, a mark symbolizing that person appears. Reader longs to meet her soulmate but in order to that she has to touch them - Reader has an aversion to touch. What happens when reader starts working at the BAU as a PA and starts having feelings for a certain genius agent.

Characters: Spencer Reid, Fem!Reader

Paring(s): Spencer x Fem!Reader

Parts: 1/1

Word Count: TBD

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: slight angst

A/N: This fic was part of a secret fic swap on @imagining-in-the-margins discord. This is for my sweet Meg - @daydreamingatnight209 ❤️

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY RIGHTS TO SPENCER REID, THE BAU, OR ANYTHING CRIMINAL MINDS RELATED. I SIMPLY OWN THE READER.

I looked upon the new soul pair with longing. I want that; I long to find my my soulmate. It would never happen though. In order to discover one’s soulmate, touch is involved. That is where the problem lies -I have an aversion to touch. It’s something I have dealt with since I was a little girl.

Getting up, I took my turn in congratulating the newest couple in the in the BAU, Luke Alvez and Penelope Garcia. We all knew they were soulmates before they even touched. “Congrats you guys, I’m so happy for you both! I might be still be a little new and just a probationary agent, but even I could see that you two were meant to be together.” I blew them a kiss before sitting back down at my desk. Garcia blew one back at me. I will forever be grateful that this team that I hope to be a part of one day have been so understanding about my feelings towards being touched. Then again, they have gotten used to having a different teammate, Spencer, having an aversion to touch due to his autism. I have noticed that he is more open to touch when it’s someone he cares about, like his team.

Dr. Spencer Reid is the final person to hug and congratulate the couple. I felt my heart flutter seeing his smile. The man has captured my attention since I was first introduced to him nine months ago. He has been a huge comfort when I start to feel insecure about my aversion to touch. He truly understands and it’s a nice change. The team have been wonderful and supportive, but it’s different when someone else experiences it too. I don’t know why I am this way, I just have always been for as long as I can remember.

I freely admit it, I wish I could have Spencer as my soulmate. Deep down I know that he deserves to have someone better than me -someone he be physically affectionate with. By physical affection I mean, hugging, cuddling, hand holding, and the like. I would love to feel what a forehead kiss feels like. This is something sweet yet intimate that I would love to experience but, I am too afraid to.

“Hey Y/N, we’re all going out for dinner to celebrate later and we would love it if you would join us,” came the sweet and perky voice of Garcia. I smiled at her. It’s wonderful feeling like I am already an official member of the team.

“I would love to Garcia. I can meet everyone at the restaurant once a place has been picked,” I nodded in excitement. This would be my first team outing and I couldn’t be happier.

Pulling up to the Japanese restaurant I let out a breath. As excited I am, I’m also nervous. I have never joined the team in a public setting outside of work. I began to worry that I didn’t bring enough money -I would never just assume that someone would take care of my meal-, that didn’t want to order the wrong dish, I wasn’t sure if I should order alcohol or not. I forced myself to take a deep breathe and let go of all my worries and anxieties. I had nothing to worry about and everything would be fine.

I got out of the car and straightened out the skirt of my dress. I entered the restaurant and began to make my way to the hostess stand to see if I was the first to arrive or if they could direct me to my table. Before I reached the podium I heard Spencer before I saw him -well his front side anyway. It might sound creepy but I would know his head of curls anywhere. They just always looked so soft and fluffy. I had seen a couple of pictures of him with his short hair, but I have to admit that I much preferred his shoulder length locks.

Just as I was about to call out to Spencer I heard my name being called from somewhere behind me. Turning around to see who was seeking my attention, I didn’t pay attention to how close I was to Spencer. He began turning at the sound of my name too but his right shoulder blade met my left shoulder blade.

I just stood frozen for a moment. I know that Spencer was talking to me but it all sounded muffled. It was like I’d turned into a statue. I couldn’t force myself to move no matter how much I wanted to. I felt my mind going blank.

It took me a moment to get over the shock of being touched. By the time came out of it, the whole team had gathered around me and we had an audience. I could tell that they wanted to move me out of sight from the other restaurant patrons but didn’t want to touch me without consent. Looking at the team I could see the worry on their faces.

“Why don’t we move out of everyone else’s way,” came JJ’s voice. I could hear the worry in voice. I just nodded, I felt like I couldn’t find my voice quite yet. I followed the team to an party room the restaurant was allowing us to use for the moment.

“I am so sorry, Y/N! I didn’t know you were that close behind me,” Spencer looked at me with so much worry. He looked as if he had broken me. I managed to give him a small smile.

I cleared my through in attempt to get my voice working. “I’m okay Spencer, I was just shocked. I wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.” I tried reassuring the sweet doctor that I really was okay. He didn’t damage me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the girls huddled together whispering and Garcia bouncing like an excited child. Before I could think anything of it, Spencer recaptured my attention.

“I’m still really sorry. You would think I would have a better idea of my surroundings,” He smiled embarrassedly at me. The smile that graced my face at the sight of his was embarrassingly big. I just love all his smiles.

“I promise that it’s okay. I wasn’t expecting it so, it shocked me more than anything.” I reassured the doctor. Honestly, I was feeling a little confused. I have avoided being touched for so long that I don’t actually remember what it’s like to be touched. I didn’t feel awful like I did as a kid and it didn’t hurt - I didn’t feel anything really, but shock. More so that we bumped together rather than “oh my god, he touched me.” Maybe, just maybe, I’m not as adverse to touch like when I was little girl.

“Y/N, I don’t wanna freak you out or anything but you have a mark on your shoulder… right here Spencer touched,” I heard the strained excitement in Garcia’s voice. She wanted to be happy so bad but she wasn’t sure how I would react.

“What is it, what‘s the mark?” I asked no one in particular. Spencer moved to look at the new ink on my skin.

Without thinking, he begins tracing my skin with the tips of his fingers.“It’s an open book with a steaming cup of coffee, and what looks to be a traveling airplane.” I shivered at the feel of his touch but I wasn’t disgusted or anything by it. Actually, it felt refreshing. I turned around to face Spencer. He still hadn’t registered that he had touched me. We just stared at each other for a moment before it dawned on me. Spencer Reid is my soulmate.

“We’re soulmates,” I softly whispered. If he wasn’t so close to me, Spencer wouldn’t have heard me. A huge grin form on his handsome features.

“From the moment we met, I hoped my soulmate would be you,” Spencer confessed. My own smile grew as big as his.

A loud squeal -curtesy of Garcia- broke us from our little bubble. I looked over at the team and they all had shining smiles upon their faces. Their resident genius had found his other half finally.

“Seems like we get to celebrate not one but two new soul pairings,” announced Rossi. “Well, officially welcome to the family, Y/N!”

I blushed. “Thank you Rossi.” I looked back to my soulmate, “I’m really happy it’s you, too”

The team began making their way to the reserved table so that the celebrations could finally get underway. I tentatively took Spencer’s hand in mine. He looked at me with surprise.

“It doesn’t feel like it used to. I’m hoping that this mean I can start trying to recover from my childhood. I don’t how much I can handle, but this seems like a start.” I spoke softly.

Spencer squeezed my hand lightly, “Whatever you need. We can go as slow as you want.”

I smiled gratefully at him. “Thank you, that means so much to me.”

We resumed our path to the table where the rest of the team was waiting for us. Looking around the table I felt at home. I knew that life was only going to get better from here on out.

Wheels Up Fam:

@spencer-reid-in-a-pool @andiebeaword @httpnxtt @rileysann @sunlight-moonrise @wave0fg00dvibes @spencers-dria @april-14-blog @aperrywilliams @dreatine