#can i say i am really tired of all the media where i cheat on cosmo with astro or whatever

[tricksteroftheheart]

the 'severe regret' fic is going to make me twist.

talking about ships in the tags. cw astro x sprout and cosmo x dandy (not spoken about positively.)

[ladyrowrites]

Promise Part 3

A/N: I just want to say, I freaking love Utahime right now!

Pairings: Gojo x Afab reader

Warning: Lots of angst and swearing, Mentions of cheating/alcohol, some degrading tones, Suicide and lots of death threats, MDNI!!!!

Wordcount: 7k+

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Chapter 3: Aftermath - The Spiraling

2 months later

Everything happened so fast as you busied yourself, moving on? After that drink at Utahime’s house, you wallowed in alcohol for about 3 more days and decided you need to get on your list.

Cut your hair (CHECK)

Quitting work. (Well not really because they relocated you to the place you were going and just by chance, Hawaii was one of them–CHECK)

Moving to a new place (CHECK)

You were sitting in a coffee shop that was near your new home and just doing some work when you saw a familiar face. No, he would not be here. But that bun and the peeking side hair… You both saw each other, confused at first but he smiled at you and went to your table.

“Suguru? What are you doing here?” You said surprisingly. This is so unexpected and of all places? What the fuck, universe?!

“Hey, mind if I sit here?” as he put his coffee down and sat. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He laughs softly.

“Uhm, no, I’m just really surprised.” You replied slowly.

“I just landed a few hours ago and had a client meeting. They wanted a vacation home near the ocean and you know how good I am at my job so they chose me to be their architect.” He said matter of factly, “So….this is where you went huh?” He was tiptoeing when he said that. Being careful not to hurt you or anything.

“Uh yeah.” Was all you said. You didn’t want anyone knowing where your new residence is except for your very close friends. Not even your parents or brother or any of your family members knew where you were. After canceling the wedding, everyone in your family except your brother was disappointed in you, especially your dad. He told you guys do that sort of thing every now and then and should have forgiven him. Your relatives were making side comments on how it was your fault he cheated. You were so done with everyone so you deleted all your social media accounts and changed your phone number. Only Utahime, Mei-Mei, Yuki, and Miwa know your new information.  Now that Suguru found you, you were nervous as hell because you’ve been under the radar and you don’t want your peace disturbed again.

Suguru read your mind and said, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell him.”

You looked confused, “Really? Why you guys fought or something?”

“Uh you can say that.” You looked more confused and gave him the side eye so Suguru laughed, “What? Best friends fight too you know? And also, let’s just get this straight, I didn’t like what he did to you. I was..” He looked at you deep in your eyes… you look so tired he thought, “Really disappointed at him.”

You just gave him a half-hearted smile. Of course, he pities you, everyone does. You eyed him suspiciously, “So you really just met me here by coincidence?”

“Yeah, I’m not stalking you. Why would I? Hmm? Except you wanted me to find you?” While crossing his arms. You just laughed softly at him. Hm, that genuine laugh has been a while.

“Fine, whatever.” You rolled your eyes at him.

He smirked at you, "By the way, love your new hair." You just tsked at him and went back to your work.

Since this surprising meeting, you have been seeing Suguru in the same coffee shop atleast 4x a week in the last 2 weeks. You talk about work and how you are adjusting to your life here. He said he’ll be going to Japan the next day but he’ll come back soon again to oversee his new architectural project.

“You know, I’m going to miss talking to you and your eye bags.” He jokingly mocked you.

“Miss me? I’m so boring to talk to and yah! My eye bags are my badge of honour.” You rolled your eyes again at him for the 5th time that day. If you’re being honest with yourself, you have been looking forward to your coffee shop visits. Suguru has been kind of like a fresh breath for the past 2 excruciatingly painful months. He tries his best to avoid talking about anything related to your ex-fiance and you’re thankful for that because you don’t know how much anymore you can handle. 

The only thing keeping you afloat for life right now is work and after that you always try to go to the beach for walks and see the beautiful sunset. One time, you took Suguru on one of your walks by the beach because he insisted on dinner (He noticed you lost a lot of weight) but you have no appetite for anything so you convince him to watch the sunset instead. You both sat quietly while the wind was humming gently. He saw tears on your face but you wiped it quickly with your right hand. This must be what you were doing every late afternoon he thought. He wished he punched his best friend harder.

As it is the 2nd week of summer, you and your closest friends always had the tradition of going away for a week to do something together or even nothing. Just to hang out and catch up. This year, of course, they went to your new house to help you get more settled. There’s so many things you still need to buy for your new house and it was just kind of overwhelming for you so you only had the basics for now. 

You couldn’t thank them enough as they helped you while you were settling here. Miwa was in charge of helping you find a house right away especially when all you said was just near the ocean. It was your only criteria. Mei-Mei was in charge of getting your car from your ex-fiance’s place and selling it. It wasn’t an easy task but it was a fit for Mei-Mei as Gojo pleaded to know where you are but all she replied was, “And do what? Break her heart some more, slut?” And drove off to the buyer. She was also helping Yuki cancel all your wedding plans. Yuki was able to get all your deposit from the catering and flower shop, thanks to her charms, which helped a ton because you sure needed the extra money. 

Utahime was tasked with the hardest one. Your wedding dress. They called you as it was half done and they needed you to do fitting again for some adjustments. She volunteered to get your dress from the shop and the only thing you told her was, “Burn it for all I care.”

The last thing you texted your ex-fiance was, “I’m cancelling all the wasted wedding plans you fucked up. The only thing I need from you is to handle the wedding venue since you paid for it.”

And now you are here, making a small fire with your friends in your front yard, the beach. They said they wanted smores but, Utahime had another plans. She presented you your wedding gown. Holy shit. This was supposed to be your “dress”. The “dress” you were supposed to say yes to forever. It was an ethereal and airy look with lace tube on the top with cute puffy sleeves and silk flowing fabric bottom but there were still missing pieces on it.  You were going to have a beach wedding in Bali but that was all in the past.

“I thought you threw them out.” You said tiredly while running your hands on your hair. They were all looking at you excitedly tho and you were just frustrated, yet again. Utahime just raised her eyebrows at you and smirked. All of your friends' hands were clasped together and looked at you, hoping you’re understanding what's about to happen. 

You put your hands on your mouth, “Oh no… No… Are you guys?”

“OH YES!” They all said in unison

 “BABY, LET IT FUCKING BURN!!!!!” Utahime yells, she hands you the dress, you looked at it sighing thinking the what ifs and how happy he would see you in this dress but your friends snapped you back to reality, “Girl do the fucking honour!” Mei-Mei nudges you. 

Miwa plays ‘Burn by Usher’ and they all said, “Speech!”

You were caressing your dress and tears were spilling out yet again, but you cleared your throat and started singing the song played because there were no words left to say.

'I think that you should let it burn

When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to

But you know, gotta let it go 'cause the party ain't

Jumpin' like it used to, even though this might bruise you (No, no)

Let it burn, let it burn, gotta let it burn'

With each song lyrics, you slowly let your wedding dress go and watched it all engulfed in flames. They sang with you wholeheartedly. You all watched as your wedding dress turned to ash. You were also hoping your feelings for him would turn to ashes.

You excused yourself and told them that you were just going to grab more drinks. While you were in the kitchen, you heard a loud ping from your laptop. You forgot to turn off your work email and since you’re on vacation, you were going to turn it off when you saw who it was from.

To: y/n’s email address

From: anika.watanabe89@gmail.com

Hey Y/N,

Hmm? I don’t know how to introduce myself… This is the circumstance I never wanted to be in but alas here we are. I’m the woman that Satoru slept with. I will not say sorry because I wanted it to happen and I knew he wanted it to happen too. He kept saying he will break up with you but he was taking so long so I just had to do something you know?

Anyway, we are pregnant. I don’t know why I am saying this to you but I kinda felt I have to? He said he didn’t want to be responsible for this but he has to.. So I’m emailing you to ask for your help because you know him best? Please? I don’t want my child to be fatherless. Please, don’t put this to your conscience….

Soon to be mom,

Anika

FUCK!

You began smashing all your glasses/plates, everything your hand falls to and all your friends heard, good thing the fire has been out, and they all ran to you worriedly.

“What happened, are you okay?” Utahime was the first one to get to you. You began wailing again and cursing at him. Miwa put her hands on her mouth, “Oh my fucking god.” And pointed at the email. 

Yuki began reading it out aloud. Mei-Mei started cursing with you, “That's it! I will go back to Japan tonight and fucking kill that bitch whore mother fucker!!!!” 

Utahime was just hugging you until you fell to the floor. Just when you were about to forget, it all comes crashing back to you. MAKE IT STOP! SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP, PLEASE!

Needless to say, this night was full of alcohol, swearing, death threats from all your friends to your assshole ex-fiancé and his slut. You were just quiet the whole night, done with everything. The fucking gall and audacity of that woman. TO ASK YOU FOR YOUR HELP TO GET YOUR EX-FIANCE TO—- UGH! You couldn’t even. What the fuck was happening? You were trying to get away from him, from all the toxicity but why was life still dragging him back to you?

Your friends were all drunk and passed out in your living room and you were the last woman standing. Your alcohol tolerance upped for sure from all the “numbing” you have been doing.

It’s 6am in the morning and the sun is shining brightly at your house as it is mostly windows facing the beach. You decided to stand up even though you were hazy from all the drinking. You went to the beach and your body started going in the water. You felt numb and lifeless as you walked down the sand. You just wanted this pain to end. ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH! There were no tears left and no words were enough to be said. Your heart wanted to sink and stop. You looked at how the water was so blue and clear - fuck, it reminds you of his eyes. You wanted to drown again – to look deeply in his cerulean eyes one more time so you began to walk more, away from the shore. Until water covers all of you. Your body slowly sinks and your eyes close steadily, trying to listen to your heart beat but it won’t start anymore. 

Utahime woke up from the sun being in her eyes, she slowly opened them. She got up and began to look for you, “Y/N?” Y/N?” She searched in your room, bathroom, and even in your backyard, but you weren’t there.

She started to panic and she woke up all your friends. They all started to look for you when they had a realization that you might be in the ocean... No, you would not! They all looked at each other with their horrid faces and ran for their lives towards the beach.

As Yuki and Utahime were good swimmers, they both looked for you underwater while Miwa called 911 and Mei-Mei was on stand by to give you CPR. They were losing their shit when Yuki and Utahime came up from underwater and signaled not here. Their bodies start to go underwater again, desperate to find you.

Utahime’s eyes were clouded from crying but she has to find you. SHE HAS TO! She wouldn’t know what to do if something happens to you. She then decides the moment she finds you and you are safe. She is going to kill Gojo Satoru!!

Yuki was waving signals to Utahime saying she’s found you. Utahime swam so fast near her. You were there. Laying by the rock like you’re completely lifeless. SHIT! SHIT!!! PLEASE UNIVERSE!!!!!! NOT MY BEST FRIEND! 

They immediately grabbed you and you all came up from the ocean. Miwa and Mei-Mei were holding their breath and when they both saw you with Utahime and Yuki, they were both relieved – crying and hugging. The paramedics were quick to help you three and one of them started to perform CPR. They were all crying and praying to every God that you’re okay. One of the paramedics said to Utahime and Yuki that they did good by finding you right away. 

When you started coughing and opening your eyes, all your friends celebrated that you’re alive. They all looked at you hopeful and you just slowly nodded at them, conveying with your eyes that you’re sorry and you’re alive. Utahime lost her balance and started bawling, “I thought I lost you.” Yuki went to her side to hug her. 

The paramedics said it’s better to take you to the hospital to check if everything is good with you. You nodded and Mei-Mei and Miwa said that they are going to be with you in the ambulance car but only one is allowed so Mei-Mei said she will go. Miwa said she will just Uber then. Yuki and Utahime will be there after changing. 

“Come on, let’s go ‘Hime, Mei texted me, she’s in room 508.” While hurrying up to get Uber.

“No, I’ll be going to Japan. Promise me, you’ll take care of her ‘kay? I won’t be long.”

“What? Why are you going back? Enough of that, let’s just go now to the hospital!”

“No, Yuki, I have a business to finish with Gojo Satoru.” And with that Utahime left on the first flight going back.

GOJO’S LOFT – 10:15pm

Gojo was hanging out with Yuta, Nanami, Shoko, Sukuna, Choso, Todo, and surprisingly Suguru was there. Suguru was actually just forced to come by Shoko and also his friends hadn't seen him after that fun conversation with Gojo so he had no choice but to see them.

They were just drinking and playing Poker with bets. 

“HAH I win you fucking fools!” Sukuna celebrates while taking everyone’s money. 

“No you fucking cheat–!” Gojo taunts.

BAAAAG! BAAAAG! BAAAAAG! LOUD BANG FROM THE DOOR.

“Are you expecting anyone else?” Choso asks, Gojo shakes his head.

“GOJO SATORU!!!!!” Shoko and Nanami looked at each other and stood up fast. They went together to open the door, “WHERE IS HE??? WHERE’S THAT MOTHER FUCKING MURDERER?” 

Nanami was holding off Utahime in her back.

“Utahime? What are you doing here? I thought you’re on vacation?” Todo comments.

“YEAH I WAS! AND NOW IT TURNED TO FUCKING HELL!” Then she points to Gojo, “BECAUSE OF YOU MURDERER!!!!”

“Woah, woah, you gotta chill.” Sukuna intervenes

Gojo was just looking at her stunned. Murderer? What did I do? He thought.

Suguru looks at her worriedly. What the hell is happening?

Utahime was shaking while bawling, “You fucking bring back my best friend!!!!!” She was trying to escape from Nanami’s arm and when she finally did, she went straight to Gojo and grabbed his shirt so aggressively and slapped him so hard that her hands were marked on his face.

Now Sukuna and Choso were trying to hold her back, “YOU FUCKING BRING BACK Y/N!!!! SHE’S LIFELESS!! SHE’S NOT HERSELF! DAMMIT! SHE DOESN’T EVEN LAUGH OR SMILE ANYMORE!! MY BEST FRIEND!!! WHO HAS SO FULL OF LIFE! SHE USED TO BE A HAPPY AND BUBBLY PERSON!!! YOU FUCKING BROKE HER!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HER? ALL SHE DID WAS LOVE YOU!!!” She began to kick Gojo, “YOU FUCKING FIX HER!!!!!! I DON'T FUCKING CARE HOW YOU DO IT! BUT YOU FIX HER!!! YOU…” She was losing strength and she slid slowly to the ground.

All Gojo could do was cry silently and look at her. Everyone was just shocked at what was happening.

In between sobs, Utahime told everyone what transpired and how you tried to take your own life and that’s how Gojo became a murderer in her eyes. Shoko was crying and started to apologize and hug Utahime. Suguru also came close to Utahime and asked him where you are and if you are safe.

Utahime nodded and told everyone that you are safe now. Nanami gave Utahime a glass of water to calm her down but when she received it, she got up and dumped the water to Gojo, “YOU FUCKING MAN UP!!!! FIX THIS!!! HAVE YOUR FUCKING SLUT STOP BOTHERING Y/N!!!!! UGH! I CAN FUCKING BURY YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!” While running her hands in her face and turning it to a fist, she's really holding back. So fucking hard, trying to hold back for her best friend.

Gojo could not even begin to process – you tried to? No, you? He was so ashamed of what he’s done. He doesn’t know what to do first. 

“It was all a lie. All that bitch said. It’s a lie!” Gojo stands up and shakes Utahime. She slaps his hands and says, “I don’t care if it’s a lie or not! FUCKING FIX IT!!!!!!” And proceeds to slap his face AGAIN.

Utahime walks out while Suguru and Shoko tails behind her. All they heard was a loud crash when Gojo flipped the table and all its contents came flying and broken.

Utahime didn’t even care what he felt. She did her business and is now going back to you. If you couldn’t do the revenge yourself, she will do it for you because what are best friends for?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope all of you have an Utahime as your best friend <3

Tags: @username23345 @iamrgo1

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Writing again soon,

Lady Ro

[alittlebitoftruthcan]

California is the peak of Western culture. People are finished with life, that’s why there are so many cults: Hare Krishna, Moonies, EST, Esalen—all kinds of strange things. You have just to be a little bold and you can make a cult out of anything. Primal therapy, or scream… Nowhere ever in the whole world was anybody so inventive as to make a scream a religion! But in California you can do anything. Hugging therapy! And people are doing it, and paying for it, for hugging therapy! Hugging strangers—you are doing the hugging and somebody else is collecting the fee. You both are giving the fee to a third person, and you are doing the work! It is really great. I was reading a news article some five, six years back. I don’t remember exactly what the therapy was called but I remember the picture that was in the magazine. It was of a naked man going on all fours with his tongue drooping out like a dog, barking. And you have to pay for it! You do the whole job… And people were getting high on it. What else to do? When you have paid two hundred and fifty dollars for being a dog and barking, then it is better to say that you ‘got it.’ Now people are tired of this too. Esalen is dying, EST is finished. EST has been trying—Werner Erhard came to see me in Poona because at that time it had started falling. In California nothing lasts more than ten years. Every fashion… these are all fashions, but no fashion can last long. So Werner Erhard was in search of something—and he found it. In the East he saw the hungry people so he brought back home the ‘Hunger Project,’ and he started claiming that within ten years there would not be a single hungry human being on the earth. People were donating, and nobody bothered to ask, ‘What are you saying? Have you calculated how many people there are? Have you calculated how many hungry people there are? Have you calculated in ten years how many more hungry people will be there? And how many collections can you have?’ But all those collections simply disappeared. Hunger is there; it has not disappeared—it has doubled! But these so-called new cultists are not any better than the politicians. Henry Kissinger was saying exactly the same thing when he was in power, that within ten years there would not be a hungry child around the globe. And nobody asks these people, ‘Now five years have passed; at least half the hungry people should have disappeared, because otherwise how, within another five years, are things going to change? Hungry people have doubled. Hunger has not disappeared; Henry Kissinger has disappeared! Who knows where this guy is? And who cares! Werner Erhard cheated people in every possible way. And the beauty of this is, you cheat people in every possible way. Werner Erhard is a Jew, but he changed his name to a German name because it would be difficult for a Jew to exploit Christians; for that a German name is far better. In some way everything imported is always better. I used to think that this stupid idea existed only in India, but that is not the case. In America nobody bothers with the American guru, but imported from India?—he must be a great guru. Of course India cannot export cars and high technology, but it can export great gurus. And it goes on exporting them—and they all end up in California. When Sheela was looking for a place for your commune, I told her, ‘Beware of California; just keep away from California.’ She said, ‘Why?’ I said, ‘You don’t ask why; you just keep away. Just forget that California exists.’ I don’t want to be counted amongst Indian gurus because I am neither an Indian, nor am I a guru. But what can you do with these crackpot media people? They start calling you something and that’s what you become. Where is Werner Erhard now? With hunger disappearing has he also disappeared? Authentic people?—he left his father, mother, his wife, his children, without even telling them that he was going away. He simply escaped, moving thousands of miles away, changed his name, may have changed his hair-do, clothes, and became Werner Erhard. And his parents, his wife, his children were all dependent on him, they were starving. And he was proposing a hunger project—‘within ten years, hunger will disappear from the world.’ These people are not different from politicians—and cannot be, because this is also a power trip. Things that they are telling people not to do, they have been doing exactly those same things.

Osho (From Misery to Enlightenment)

[secret-thoughts-of-an-artist]

If you see this, you can be angry.

There are a lot of things no one talks about when you leave your first “long term” relationship. They don’t talk about how empty you feel, how much you may lose or how much of yourself you struggle to find after months and months of trying. 

So much of who I was became “us”. My mannerisms, my friends, my everything. The biggest thing for me is that I lost almost every single person I had known since 2019. I had graduated college and truthfully, no one really stays in contact after college, not easily anyways. I lost all the friends he and I had, which was pretty much everyone I knew at the time. It’s taken me until quite recently to realize that I wasn’t allowed to be friends with people my ex didn’t know.

There were a lot of things my ex(J) didn’t let me do. As I previously stated, I wasn’t allowed to be friends with people he didn’t know, and god forbid if I socialized with the guys at work. I couldn’t much come home and talk about work without him getting irritated because for the last eight months of the relationship, I worked in an environment filled with men. To add insult to injury, we lived with his mother and up until the day I left, I wasn’t allowed to say anything to her about the cleanliness of the living situation. I was really the only person who kept up with it and it was a struggle to fight through working 40 hour weeks, (for a bit) full-time school and maintaining a house that wasn’t even mine. Until the day I finally told him I was leaving, I wasn’t able to do anything to better myself.

Now lets really get into the nitty gritty of it. In April of 2022, he and I went to a concert where I met one of my favorite social media influencers. It was such a blessing that my ex had pushed me to at least say hi. Little did he know how much that would snowball into me finally leaving. I joined said influencers discord and was finally able to start having a “safe space” to vent about whatever was going on, until my ex joined the discord just to make a point that i was talking about him. More concerned about random people on the internet knowing how I felt about him that what my own counselor thought. Same counselor that could have said something if she were to suspect I was in immediate danger if I went home. Everyone else in the discord realized the red flags, the people I had been working with for four months at that point saw the red flags and I was still choosing to ignore them.

I had told my now ex multiple times before I finally left that I wanted to leave. Sat in the bedroom he and I had spent many, many days and night in crying, telling him I was ready to leave. When I finally did, I brought those nights back up and was told that he thought I was “gas lighting” him by saying it. I meant it every time I said it. I was so burnt out, so tired and so scared. I am into BDSM, and this man had no issue working with that, but there were times when I was genuinely scared for my safety and didn’t have a safeword to use. More than once I was put into a position where during intercourse and play, I completely shut down and started crying because I was GENUINELY terrified of what was going to happen. It took me only until recently to see just how dangerous this relationship was.

I was cut off from most of the world, could hardly visit my family, he would talk more shit about MY family than I would, he kept me isolated, scared and in a cycle of mental games so I stayed... What I could never actually admit to until now is that in order to get out, I cheated. It’s not what you think, the plan was never “oh, I should cheat on him so I have a reason to leave”. No, that wasn’t the case. Truthfully, I reached out to an old friend(M), someone I had known and had been on and off with prior to being with J. I had only reached out to check in. Only person I had ever looked up obituaries for as I knew I would struggle to continue if he wasn’t around. With reaching back out to this friend, I was invited to go and photograph him and a few friends playing in a flag football league. I went and did this, lied to J about what I was doing, who I was doing the photos for and what was going on. When I met up with this friend, I planned on just doing the photos and leaving, nothing more.

Little did I know at the time, but that one day out, lead to the end of it all. i was going to leave that day without my payment. I realized how much I still loved M. As I walked away that day to go home, I cried. I sat in my car in that parking lot and just cried because I realized how much I still needed and loved M. We agreed to let me accept the lunch portion of my payment for doing the photos and that when it came out. M and I talked, realized how much we both still wanted things and after lunch, before I left that day, we kissed. Something with so much more passion than I had felt in a long time. In that moment, I realized I was home and that going back to Massachusetts was a loveless place for me. Over the next week, I tried to convince myself that I didn’t need to leave J, that M and I were still just friends and that I could stick it out... I left a week after the initial photos.

This is the shit no one talks about. This is the stuff that is so difficult. I didn’t realize I was in danger until it was almost too late. Now, I’m planning my wedding for later this year with the man i’ve loved since high school. It’s scary, it’s new and it’s so difficult to adjust sometimes, but I wouldn’t have my life any other way right now. I know I’m loved, I know I’m safe and I know that no matter how much I may wonder, he isn’t going anywhere.

Cheating on J possibly saved my life.

[watchmegetobsessed]

TO LOVE AND BE LOVED - Part One (Harry Styles)

a/n: oh my god i am sooo thankful for the love the masterlist got with just so little info about the story! it means so much to me and i really hope i won’t disappoint you with this story! i was planning to post the first part on tuesday but i got excited bc of all the feedback and reactions and decided to start earlier, so here it is, part one of TLABL, a story im kind of proud of and very happy to share! please drop by my ask box or leave your thoughts on the story, i would love to hear everything from you guys!

pairing: CEO!Dad!Harry X Reader

warning: mentions of death, cheating and divorce

word count: 11.2k

SERIES MASTERPOST masterlist

“I hope you realize this holds nothing against you, we all love and appreciate you and your work, but we had to face some unexpected problems this past year.”

You sit in front of Claire, your boss completely dumbfounded, not even comprehending what she is saying completely. You came to work this morning absolutely oblivious that today is going to be your last day of work at the daycare you’ve been working at for over two years now.

“I’m sorry, but last time you let us in on the budget you didn’t bring up any complication that might have indicated someone could lose their job, so what possible problem could have come up so abruptly?” you ask with a shocked and nervous chuckle. Part of you kind of hopes this is just some stupid joke she is playing on you, but Claire is not one to make games out of such serious things. Letting out a tired sigh she pushes her reading glasses up to the top of her head into her carefully curled hair.

“Look, I’m really trying not to make a big deal out of it, but we had to make some cuts on the budget. The kitchen and gymnasium renovation was completely unplanned and it kicked us in the butt. We are making some changes about the groups this year and it was made that it can be solved with one less person on the team. I’m sorry it had to be you, but the decision had to be made.”

“But why me?” you press. “There are two people who have been working for a shorter period of time here, didn’t I earn your trust during my time here?”

“It’s not about that, Y/N,” Claire shakes her head.

“Then what is this about?”

“If you are so keen on knowing, we’ve… received a few… complaints.” Your eyebrows shoot up to your hairline, this is the first time you’re hearing about it.

“Complaints?”

“Yes. Some parents are not quite the fan of the kind of mentality you are using while teaching the kids.”

“What are you talking about?” you ask, feeling all the blood rushing out of your face. This is starting to get way too nasty. Claire pinches the bridge of her nose before leaning onto her desk, clasping her hands together.

“I know that you are quite the free spirit and want to teach the kids about openness and acceptance, but not everyone is as rainbow as you are. Some kids brought the word home about what kind of books you’ve been reading and we’ve gotten a few concerns about you basically promoting the LGBTQ community for the kids.”

“I’m not promoting, I’m trying to teach them to accept everyone just the way they are, how can that upset anyone?!”

“Well, it does. The committee had to make a decision on who we should let go and many agreed that it might be the safest decision to make it be… you.”

You’re about to faint. You are sure you are about to fall off this chair and just black out. How can someone get mad about you reading stories about acceptance and treating everyone equally? What kind of monster can see it as a bad thing? And now you are losing your job over such a stupid thing that you don’t even feel responsible for.

Though you’d love to stay and try to convince Claire to not let you go, you know the decision has been made and if you’re being honest, you don’t feel comfortable anymore working at a place where parents tell you off for teaching important values for their kids. Sadly, but you sign all paperwork about your immediate parting and you leave Claire’s office to pack your stuff.

“Miss Y/N! Miss Y/N!” Izzy, one of the sweetest girls in your group basically launches herself at you, smashing against your legs as she hugs you happily. “Do you want to see what I just painted?” She blinks up at you with her gorgeous green eyes and your heart breaks that you won’t get to see her again.

“Oh, Sweetie. I have to—you know what? Sure. Show me your painting,” you smile at her warmly. You can’t say no to her, not when this is the last time you get to see her.

As you’re cleaning out your locker in the break room, Heather walks in and stops in her tracks, seeing you with your gloomy face as you pack everything into a cardboard box.

“What the hell are you doing?” she questions right away. The two of you have known each other for years now, you did the same master’s programme and somehow ended up working here together, carrying on the friendship you’ve formed through your school years.

“I was… fired,” you sigh, wincing at the words.

“What?! Why?”

“Apparently, we are having some budget problems with all the renovations that was made recently and unbeknownst to me, some parents have been complaining about my openness with kids so I was the lucky one to part ways with.”

“That’s fucking bullshit! The kids adore you, how can someone complain about something like that?”

“Don’t know, ask them if you ever find out who they are,” you mumble under your breath as you shut the now empty locker closed. “I’m sorry we can’t carpool anymore,” you pout at her.

“No fucks given about that, what are you gonna do now?” she asks, seemingly very bummed at the news that you won’t be working at the same place now.

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “I guess I’ll have to find something new if I don’t want to end up on the streets,” you mumble.

“Oh girl, I’m so sorry,” Heather sighs pulling you into a hug. “Why don’t we go out for drinks on Friday? Everything is on me!”

“Don’t act like I’m already broke, makes me feel like a loser.”

“Sorry,” she scowls. “Just want to brighten you up a little. Meet me at seven at that Mexican place, how does that sound?”

“Stuffing my face with nachos and tequila? Sounds like the best plan I could wish for.”

You waste no time arriving home after your worst day at work. You jump right into the job ads, looking for basically anything that might help you out of this impossible situation. Sending your resume to as many places as possible, you get a few callbacks the next few days, but you only make it to one interview on Friday and that doesn’t go well either. The man who calls in for an open position at a private kindergarten turns out to be a total snob and he doesn’t find your free spirit too fitting with the profile of his institution so you get rejected at the end of the interview.

You head out to meet Heather feeling like shit. You’ve been unemployed for four days, but it’s already breaking your spirits.

“You know what? Clair is a bitch for giving in to the complaints,” Heather slams her fourth shot glass on the table with a grimace. “She should have defended you!”

“I’m sure she just didn’t want to get into any disagreement. Some of the parents donate great amounts to the school and Claire would never risk losing that money,” you sigh rolling your eyes.

“Okay, but she is being very… not inclusive,” she narrows her eyes. “Firing someone for teaching the kids openness? Bullshit.”

“I’m just sad I don’t get to see the kids anymore. They really grew close to my heart.”

“The little fuckers can be so damn cute, almost make me want to have one.” Heather sighs, downing another shot before pulling the nachos closer to her. You laugh at her vulgar reaction, she has always had quite a dirty mouth but somehow she controls herself well around the kids. “How has the job hunting been?”

“Horrible,” you growl in frustration. There are not many that offer a good paycheck and the few that does are these posh places that expect you to treat the kids like they are made out of gold which is ridiculous. That’s not how you raise a kid!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sure something will come up soon. Why don’t you look into nanny jobs, have you thought about that?”

“What do you mean?” you furrow your eyebrows, popping some chips into your mouth.

“A lot of people prefer having nannies for their little children, some even want them to move in. My brother’s ex-girlfriend was a live-in nanny for about two years and she earned a shit ton of money, because she didn’t have to pay rent and a good chunk of the food, because the parents just treated her like part of the family and bought groceries for five people instead of four.”

“I’m not sure I’m cut out for that kind of stuff.”

“What, earning money?” Heather scoffs.

“No, living with a stranger.”

“Most of the time the nanny gets like a separated place so it wouldn’t be that bad, but you know what’s good for you. It was just an idea,” she shrugs.

Soon enough you drop any work talk not wanting to ruin the mood. You enjoy some time away from the stress of job hunting and you’re just trying to have fun with your best friend. You start talking about nostalgic memories from college and end up looking up people you graduated with on social media, checking out what they’ve been up to in the past years.

“Alright, I’m gonna go to the restroom quickly, watch out for my drink,” you announce pushing your drink closer to Heather as you head towards the restrooms.

There’s a bit of a line so you stand behind two girls chatting about some cute guy they just met and leaning against the wall you close your eyes for a moment, feeling the drinks hitting you in the head. You’re not used to drinking, haven’t really had the time to get drunk too much lately and it’s saddening to think that now that you’re unemployed, you could black out every day, you wouldn’t have anywhere to show up in the morning.

Getting deep in your thoughts you almost don’t even notice that your phone is buzzing in your pocket. When you finally realize you pull it out of your back pocket and look down at the unknown number with a scowl. You quickly leave your spot in the line and rush out to hear something as you answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Hi, I hope I’m not calling at an inconvenient time, I’m Harry Styles and I’m looking to talk to Y/N Y/L/N?” you hear a thick British accent on the other end of the line.

“This is her.”

“Great. Sorry for the late call, I’m Isabelle’s father.”

“Isabelle?” you ask in confusion, the names not really clicking in your head thanks to the shots you’ve been taking.

“Isabelle Styles? Izzy?”

“Oh! Yes! Sorry, yeah. Mr. Styles, what can I help you with?” you ask, not sure why Izzy’s dad would be calling you.

“Well I just recently learned from my daughter that you’re not working at the daycare any longer?” “Uh, yeah. Unfortunately I was fired this Monday…” you awkwardly answer.

“I’m sorry about that. Izzy has been really sad about it, I wanted to ask if you’ve found a new job already?”

“Not yet, I’ve been looking but I haven’t had much luck yet,” you confess.

“In that case I have an offer to make,” he firmly continues and you perk up at his words. “I’ve been thinking about pulling Izzy out of daycare, but I didn’t want to do it until I found someone to take good care of her. You’ve been her absolute favorite and she’s been devastated since you’ve been gone. If you’re up for a job of this kind, I would like to offer you a spot as Izzy’s nanny.”

“Oh!” is all you react, completely not expecting this call.

“I know there are a lot to discuss, but if you’re interested, I would be more than happy to have a chat with you sometime this weekend? To go over the details and see if we can make it work.”

“I, uh… Um, yeah. We can meet, that sounds good. When would it be good for you?”

“How about tomorrow afternoon?”

“That can work.”

“Amazing!” he beams. “I’ll send you the address through text if that’s alright for you.”

“Yeah, of course. When should I be there?”

“Would three o’clock suit you?”

“Absolutely,” you nod, stunned at the turn of events.

“Great, thank you so much, and once again, sorry to bother you on your Friday evening. Looking forward to see you tomorrow!”

“Thank you, Mr. Styles, see you soon!”

You get back in line at the bathroom and then make your way back to the table where Heather gives you a puzzled look.

“Did you take a massive shit or something?” she jokes as you take your seat and stare back at her, still in shock.

“No, I had a very interesting call, actually.”

“With who?”

“Um, Izzy Styles’ dad just called and offered me a job as her nanny.”

Heather almost chokes on her drink, coughing at the news. You hand her a napkin as she dries her chin off from her cocktail.

“Harry Styles wants you to be the nanny of his daughter?” she gasps.

“You know Izzy’s dad?”

“Y/N, everyone knows him! He is the sexiest man to walk this planet and not to mention that he is like stupidly rich! Have you not seen him yet?”

“Not really,” you shrug. “Izzy was picked up by an old woman most of the times, I guess I never worked when her dad came for her.”

“That explains why you’re not squirming already,” she scoffs. “That man is like… crazy hot, I’m telling you. I bumped into him one morning when I guess he was dropping Izzy off, the way he said ‘Pardon me, Darling’ made my knees shake,” she tells you, faking an accent that’s nowhere near what Mr. Styles sounded like on the phone.

“Well, I guess I’ll see him for myself. I’m meeting him tomorrow to discuss details,” you shrug and Heather slams her hand on the table.

“Oh my God! You’re gonna work for Harry Fucking Styles! Get ready because your panties will be soaking wet all the time,” she laughs like a hyena.

“Heather, stop!” you shake your head laughing too.

Following Mr. Styles’ call you decide to cut the night shorter than you intended, not wanting to look absolutely wasted when you meet him. Arriving home to your small, one bedroom apartment you take a quick shower before climbing to bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to collect your thoughts. You told Heather you’re not willing to do the whole live-in nanny thing and Mr. Styles might not even want you to live with them, but now that the option is there, you realize it might not be the worst case scenario. Especially since you’re not really swimming in other job offers and you are in desperate need of anything at this point.

Despite having consumed quite some alcohol the previous night, you wake up at a reasonable hour in the morning, finding a text from Mr. Styles about the address you’d have to be going in the afternoon. You make a quick trip to the grocery store and do some chores before you start getting ready for the meeting. You opt for a simple black dress that reaches your knees and pair it with a little funkier, flower printed blazer to bring some color into the outfit.

Punching the address into the GPS you see that it’s taking you to the outer skirt of the city to the neighborhood that’s known to have some quite luxurious estates and you immediately think back to what Heather said about him being ridiculously rich. Driving down the streets in your old Volkswagen you couldn’t stand out more at a place where at least three cars park on the driveways and one of them is a Ferrari or a Porsche.

There’s a massive security gate under the address that’s your destination and it’s left open so you can pull up to the driveway easily. You park next to a fucking Tesla, finding it extremely funny to see your car next to it, but it is what it is. Walking up to the front door you ring the bell as you take a look at the house that can easily considered to be a mansion. Guessing from the outside there are at least about five bedrooms in it and you can only imagine what other luxurious units are squeezed into it.

Soon enough the front door opens and you find yourself staring back at a breathtakingly gorgeous man, wearing a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and black suit pants, his chocolate curls falling to his forehead as his emerald eyes fall on you, a warm smile tugging on his lips.

Shit. Heather was fucking right, you think to yourself swallowing hard.

“Miss Y/L/N, it’s so nice to see you. I’m Harry, Izzy’s dad, come on in!” he invites you inside before a short handshake.

“Nice to meet you too, Mr. Styles.”

“Please, just call me Harry. I don’t like formalities at home,” he asks you as the two of you walk further inside until you arrive to what looks like a living room, but it’s actually the size of your apartment.

“Only if you call me Y/N,” you smile at him and he nods right away.

“Miss Y/N!” you hear a small voice call out and turning around you see Izzy running down the hallway until she throws herself against your legs.

“Oh, hello Sunshine!” you hum, squatting down so you can hug her.

“I missed you!” she pouts, rubbing her eyes.

“I missed you too,” you smile at her, caressing her soft cheeks before standing up. An older lady walks in, the one you’ve seen picking up Izzy. She approaches you with a friendly smile as she extends a hand towards you.

“Hi, I’m Ruth, it’s nice to meet you.” “Y/N, nice to meet you too.”

“Ruth, would you take Izzy outside while I talk to Miss—erm, Y/N here?” Harry requests. Ruth nods and taking Izzy’s hand she lures her outside to look for ladybugs in the backyard and that immediately catches her attention. The two of them leave through the sliding door, giving you and Harry privacy.

“Please, have a seat,” he gestures towards the sectional couch. “Would you like something to drink?”

“I’m good, thank you,” you smile at him as he sits in an armchair across you.

The interior of the house is quite cozy, kind of modern with a hint of vintage touches that make it less rigid, a pop of color showing at most corners so it’s not too monochrome. You quite like it.

“Y/N, I once again apologize for calling you at such an inappropriate hour, but I often work late and I wanted to get in touch with you as soon as possible upon hearing the news.”

“Don’t worry about it, I understand.”

“Isabelle mentioned it to me on Thursday that the other workers told her you no longer work at the daycare so I asked around a little yesterday and was informed that they let you go earlier in the week.”

“It was quite sudden for me as well,” you chuckle lightly, feeling a little anxious to talk about it.

“I know it’s not too appropriate, but I asked why they chose you to part ways with and I have to say it’s outraging that some parents are so ignorant and wayward. I’m really sorry this had to be the reason out of everything.”

“Thank you.” It actually feels nice that he thinks the same, this whole firing was ridiculous and you were losing hope in humanity, but Harry is now very much restoring it.

“Let me walk you through what the situation is here and what I was thinking about.” You nod and listen carefully. “I’m president of a record label and it consumes most of my time, I sometimes work sixty hours a week which I know is not ideal and healthy and I’m trying to change it, but it’s not an easy situation. I thought that putting Izzy into daycare was a good idea, but it’s been getting harder to work around her schedule as a single parent with so much work on my hands. Ruth is a family friend who has been helping tremendously with Izzy, but she is not getting any younger and she would like to retire fully and spend more time with her own grandkids. So I’ve been thinking about hiring a nanny for Izzy and try to make her days work around mine while I’m able to do that. She is going to start preschool in little over a year and I want to spend as much time with her as possible, but it’s not easy when the schedule depends on an institution. When she told me about your firing I had the thought that you might be interested in taking the spot as her nanny. She is obsessed with you, wouldn’t stop talking about what you do every day, and I might have also looked into your professional background. I like what I’ve seen and I’m very much into the way you’ve been dealing with the kids at the daycare. Openness is really important and I want Izzy to grow up in an environment that teaches her about being equal and supportive towards each other. I would be more than happy if you’d be the one taking care of Izzy while I’m not available.”

To say the east you’re stunned at how forward and open he was about the offer and his compliment about your professional background is quite flattering. You can tell he is doing an amazing job at raising Izzy as an open and accepting human, she was always one of the nicest and sweetest kids who always made sure to include all her peers in the games you played. And it’s obvious Harry is not just being a hypocrite, his tattooed arm, painted nails and ring clad fingers are not quite what you’d traditionally imagine a man like him wear, but he does it well and clearly doesn’t give a fuck what others might think about it.

Harry continues with how much he thought you’d be earning for the job and you almost choke on your own saliva. It’s almost three times as much as you’ve been earning at the daycare and you’d be able to save a good chunk every month which is quite amazing.

“I have to ask, were you thinking about a situation where I live with you or I’d have to be coming here every day?”

“Well, essentially it would be the easiest for everyone if you moved in. I have plenty of rooms you could choose from and you’d have access to everything else as well, of course, including the home gym, the pool, the sauna and the entertainment room. But I understand if you are not willing to make that commitment. If you choose to live here you wouldn’t be charged anything, naturally.”

This actually sounds like a dream, moving into this luxury mansion from your cramped little apartment and being able to save the money you’ve been paying on rent.

“And what would be the time management? If I moved in it would easily make me fall into a habit of always working, which is not quite ideal,” you point it out.

“Of course,” he nods. “I like to take care of her morning routine so you’d have to start around nine when I leave to the office. If we can make this deal working I’d like her to start taking some extra classes during the day, moving her activities earlier in the day so her afternoons would be free. She takes piano lessons on Mondays and Wednesdays, a swimming instructor comes here on Thursdays and she is taking French lessons every Tuesday and Friday. Everything takes place here, I would reschedule her activities to take place between nine and twelve. You wouldn’t have to worry about her during those times. You’d cover lunch time and then the afternoons. I try to get home between four and six and just work from home if it’s possible so I can be around her. You’d have to only help out whenever I can’t make it home in time I have urgent works that have to be done from home. We could have dinner time together and then her night time routine is my duty again. Ruth is willing to help me out on Saturdays and I spend Sundays with her strictly without any work distraction so you’d have the weekends off unless something comes up. In those cases I would check in with you beforehand and arrange it however it works best for you.”

You’re speechless for a moment. What he just shared doesn’t seem too bad, you might have to work a lot more, but being one on one with just one kid is much easier than dealing with fifteen of them at once. Not to mention that the money is still amazing compared to what you’d have to be doing.

“I’m gonna be honest with you, it’s an amazing offer. Izzy is such a sweet girl, I would be more than happy to take care of her.”

Harry smiles at you warmly, clearly proud of his daughter, as he should be.

“Can I ask for some time to think about it? It would be a huge commitment.” “Of course. Take your time and let me know whatever your decision is.”

“Thank you.”

Harry offers a quick tour in the house regardless, the kitchen is massive, they have a nice dining area with floor-to-ceiling windows looking out to the green slopes of the backyard that seems to be Izzy’s kingdom. She has a playhouse that could almost function as a real one, the pool is filled with floaties for her and she has her own playground further in the back with slides, monkey bars and a swing set. Your assumptions were almost right about the number of bedrooms. Beside Harry’s master and Izzy’s own room there’s one that’s been used by Ruth, one that’s for Harry’s mother and sister for whenever they are staying over and there are three additional rooms now serving as guest bedrooms, one of those would be turned into your room if you chose to move in. The gym seems better than the one you’ve been going whenever you felt like being a little active, the entertainment room has everything you could ever think about for a room this sort of and the sauna is already calling your name. Living and working here might actually feel like a vacation.

“Miss Y/N! Look what I found!” Izzy runs up to you when you and Harry step out to the backyard, holding her pointing finger up. A ladybug is wandering around her tiny finger, not even bothering with the amazed girl that’s inspecting it.

“Wow! How many dots do you see on it?” you ask and she knits her eyebrows together, counting the black dots.

“Five!”

“Yes, good job!” you ruffle her curls as she smiles up at you proudly. She really is an angel, you’ve grown to like her a lot and you would be lying if you said you didn’t get emotional over thinking about never seeing her again. Being able to take care of her and give her the best possible childhood would be such a dream and the chance to do that is right in front of you.

“I’ll be waiting for your call, Y/N,” Harry smiles at you walking you towards the front door.

“Harry, I don’t think you need to do that,” you speak up and see his face fall, he obviously took it the wrong way, thinking that you want to say no to his offer.

“Oh…”

“It’s not that,” you chuckle softly. “I would love to take the job. And if you’re still okay with that, I’d like to move in, it would make everything just so much easier.”

You watch as his expression changes from disappointed to hopeful as he cracks a smile nodding.

“Yeah, the offer is still there. When do you think you can start?”

“How soon do you want to pull Izzy out of daycare?”

“As soon as possible. If I have to I can go in on Monday and do all the paperwork. You could move in sometime during the week maybe?”

“I have to talk to my landlord about my lease, but I’m fine with moving in during the week,” you nod smiling and you can’t help but feel excited.

“That would be wonderful. Thank you so much. I’m looking forward to working with you.”

You discuss a few more details and then you head out, thinking about how the next time you’ll be coming here, you’ll be moving in.

“If this one doesn’t go to the donate box, I’m leaving right now.”

Heather holds up a pair of denim shorts, painted in the colors of the flag of the States. She holds it pinched between her index finger and thumb as if it was something nasty and disgusting

“You know I only bought that for that stupid frat party. I never wore that anywhere else, so you can put it into the donate box.”

“Thank God!” she groans and throws the shorts into said box.

It’s Sunday evening and your place looks like a warzone, boxes taking up the place everywhere as you’re packing your life up to officially move into the Styles mansion. You agreed with Harry to bring over a good chunk of your stuff on Monday and then settle in for real on Tuesday. He is pulling Izzy out of daycare first thing on Monday and you’d stay at home with her for the first time on Wednesday. It’s been a fast paced change, but you couldn’t care less. With the amount Harry is gonna pay you, you’ll be able to save up a good chunk every month, like you always wanted to.

As you finish putting your books away you reach the shelves that contain all your photo albums. Photography has been your passion for a long time. It started as a simple hobby sometime through your freshman year in high school, but in senior year, your photos filled the yearbook and you even did the design of it too. You’ve had a few gigs since then, some weddings and pregnancy shoots and you like to sell your photos individually as well. You wouldn’t have imagined how much a simple nature photo costs.

Flipping through the one on the top, you can’t help the bitter smile on your face as you see the photos from your brother’s 14th birthday three years ago. There are tons of family pictures with you, your brother Trevor and your parents, seemingly being all happy and joyful. Things were different back then and you didn’t see anything coming.

It’s past midnight by the time you more or less finish packing, you’ve filled three big boxes with things to donate so you have significantly less stuff to move to the Styles mansion in the morning. Heather spends the night, but leaves early in the morning since she needs to go to work. The moving van you rented out arrives a little after eleven and the two guys from the moving company helps you load it with about two thirds of your stuff. Harry is at work when you arrive and Izzy is still at the daycare, Ruth is the only one at home, she helps you out even though you tell her not to break a sweat over it.

“Let me help, makes me feel needed,” she chuckles sweetly when you try to get her to stop, but she insists on bringing in some smaller bags and boxes.

You’re still unpacking when Ruth arrives back with Izzy a little after four. You hear her little feet tapping against the floor as she runs down the hallway, bursting into your future room.

“Miss Y/N! You’re here!” she cheers, throwing herself into your arms as you sit on the floor, being the perfect level for the little girl.

“I am! How was your day, little Sunshine?”

“We finger painted and I made a painting for daddy, do you want to see it?”

“Of course!”

Izzy disappears to get her backpack from Ruth who is making her some snacks in the kitchen. She soon returns with her painting, presenting it to you proudly.

“Look! This is me and this is daddy!” she points at the two human-like figures, the only thing giving away who is who is that one of them is bigger than the other one. “And then this is mommy!” she then adds, pointing at a star in the upper corner of the painting and you freeze.

In the midst of everything, you didn’t even have the time to question why Harry is a single parent. To be honest your first guess would have been divorce, but Izzy’s painting is telling you something a lot more tragic.

“It’s beautiful,” you smile at her, trying to hide your surprise at the new information. “I’m sure he’ll love it.”

Ruth makes sure Izzy is busy while you finish up unpacking and when you’re about to be done, Harry arrives home. Approaching your room even though the door is open he knocks on the doorframe, catching your attention.

“Hello, just wanted to see how things are going. Do you need help with anything? I’m sorry I couldn’t be here to help with the boxes and all…”

“Hi! Oh don’t worry about that, I had plenty of help,” you shrug smiling. “Everything is going fine, thank you.”

“Great. I did all the paperwork today, tomorrow is going to be Izzy’s last day at daycare. You’re still up to start on Wednesday, right?”

“Yeah, of course. I only have a few things left at home so I’ll be all set by tomorrow.”

“Thank you so much,” he smiles warmly. “And thank you for being so quick about everything. It means a lot to me that I can spend more time with Izzy thanks to you. I really appreciate it.”

“I should be thanking you the opportunity. I wasn’t really drowning in the job offers,” you chuckle making him smile as well. “Please let me know if you want me to change anything, I have a plan I would like to go around with Izzy’s days, but of course, your word is the most important.”

“I trust you to take good care of her during the day. The only thing I want is to have her home when I get home. Ruth couldn’t always pick her up before and I really hated to do the extra trip and pick her up from daycare instead of coming straight home to be with her.”

“Understandable. I’ll make sure to plan accordingly,” you nod smiling.

“Y/N, I want you to feel home as much as possible. This is your place just as much as it is ours now. Izzy and I go grocery shopping every Sunday, it’s kind of a father-daughter thing we do every week. We keep a list on the fridge, feel free to add whatever you need and we’ll get it.”

You can’t help the smile that stretches across your lips, because this is such a sweet thing to do, when Harry could easily afford someone to do the work for him. Yet he still uses this time to be with his daughter.

“Yeah, sure, thank you!”

“I’ll get out of your hair now. Would you like to stay for dinner?”

“Oh, no, but thank you. I still have some things to take care of before tomorrow.”

“Alright,” he nods before walking out. He leaves you thinking hard about him. You wonder what really happened to Izzy’s mom and if he is dating someone right now. A man like him is basically a dream to any woman, you doubt he is having a hard time finding a partner, but you haven’t seen any sign of another woman around the house. Guess you’ll have to wait and figure it out yourself.

The apartment is awfully empty on your last night here. When you moved in about a year ago you didn’t think you’d be moving into a mansion from here. You spend the evening cleaning out a bit so you leave the place in good condition. Your landlord was terribly nice about your early leave, you could easily agree that you’d pay for the two more weeks that’s left from the month and that would be all, no extra costs for moving out before your lease was up.

You’re cleaning off the kitchen counter when your phone starts ringing, it’s a video call from your brother.

“Hey there! What’s up?” you ask, propping up the phone on top of the microwave while you move around, doing your thing. Trevor seems to be lying in bed, a black hoodie covering his upper body.

“Hello, just wanted to see how the moving has gone today.”

Despite the ten year age gap between you and Trevor, your relationship couldn’t be better. Probably because you were old enough to see what a blessing a sibling really is when he was born.

“Everything went smoothly. I only have a few stuff to bring over, that can fit into my car tomorrow, so it’s fine.”

“Cool. How is the dude? What was his name again?”

“Harry. Harry Styles.” You see him pull his laptop to his lap and probably searches up Harry’s name before his eyes widen at the screen.

“This dude is big! He is the president of HES Records, they run some of the most popular singers these days.”

“Yeah? I was sure he is a big name judging from his mansion,” you chuckle.

“Have you looked him up yet?”

“Not really.” “Want me to read what’s here about him?”

“Sure,” you hum, continuing to clean while you listen to Trevor.

“Alright. Apparently he is thirty-one, took over the record company when he was just twenty-five because his father wanted to retire early. The number of talents working under the label has doubled since he has taken over and many of his clients have won Grammy Awards. Impressive,” he hums, scrolling down on whatever site he has just found. “He is known to be a private person, the last time he made an appearance… Oh shit…” Trevor breathes out and you turn to your phone with furrowed eyebrows.

“What?”

“Wow, this shit is heavy. It says the last time he made a public appearance was in 2017, not long before his wife was killed in a car accident.”

You freeze, feeling your stomach drop to the floor, immediately thinking back at Izzy’s painting of her family. It very much makes sense why she said the star was her mother, it must be the way Harry explained to her what happened to her mother.

“It happened in 2018, she wasn’t in the fault, a drunk driver ignored the red light and ran into her car at a crossroad. This is terrible, oh God.”

“Poor Izzy, she probably doesn’t even know what really happened.”

“Must have been hard on him, there’s not much about him since then.”

“Can’t blame him for not wanting to be in the spotlight after losing his wife.”

“Yeah.”

Trevor shows you a few pictures of him from years ago, he has always been handsome, but your favorites are the few from the times when he had long hair. He looked so different, like a whole other person, but still, he rocked it perfectly.

Then you show Trevor around in the empty apartment before loving to the couch, turning all your attention to him.

“How have things been?” you ask with a sigh. Trevor purses his lips and shrugs.

“Other than the constant screaming matches on the phone and endless fights every time dad comes over for more of his stuff? Everything is rainbows and butterflies.”

“Is it really that bad?” you scowl.

“It’s like they never run out of stuff to throw at each other, but I feel like this much couldn’t happen even in their twenty-eight years together,” he scoffs making you chuckle.

“I’m sorry you’re stuck in the middle of all that.”

“It’s like payback,” he hums and you give him a puzzled look. “You had it bad growing up for being the surprise baby, making them teen parents. Then I came at a reasonable time, they already knew the drill, but now that you’re out of the house I’m getting all the shit, having to deal with their divorce.”

“I’m really sorry, Trev,” you sigh, feeling guilty that he is all alone at home.

“It’s fine, I don’t blame you,” he shrugs. “But you could make it better if you asked your millionaire boss if I could hang out at his house sometimes.” He grins at you slyly and you roll your eyes. Of course he is already thinking about using you for his own good!

“I don’t want to push the boundaries just yet, but I’ll see what I can do.”

You talk a little more about school and what he’s been up to with his friends before ending the call. You take a shower and go to bed right away, feeling extremely worn out from all the packing you’ve done through the day.

The next day you pack the remainder of your stuff into your car and then your landlord comes over to do a checkup, though he fully trusts you took good care of the place.

“Again, thank you for your understanding, I didn’t plan to leave so early, but it just kinda came up,” you tell him, handing him over your keys.

“Don’t worry about it. I hope your new place will treat you right,” he smiles kindly at you.

You chat a little longer before you leave and head over to your new home. Once again, Ruth is the only one home and being the angel that she is, she helps you to carry your stuff up from the car before leaving to get Izzy from daycare. Since there’s not much left to unpack you finish quite fast, leaving you some extra time alone in the house. Walking around you try to learn your way around, still finding it a bit of a maze. You find Harry’s home office’s door open and after a bit of hesitation you step inside, just taking a look around. Yeah, it’s kind of a nosy thing to do, but you couldn’t help yourself.

His space is quite clear, he keeps his stuff neatly organized. Certificates and plaques are hung up on the wall, showing off his many successes in the business. There’s a huge bookcase near his desk and there you see some family photos… ones that include his late wife as well.

She was beautiful. There’s a picture of the three of them in the hospital from the day Izzy was born, Harry has an arm around his wife’s shoulders who is holding baby Izzy, both of them radiating happiness as they just become parents. Your heart breaks when you see the photo next to it, it’s just Harry and her in Paris, the Eiffel tower standing tall behind them as they are grinning widely at each other, foreheads touching. Harry has his arms wrapped around her slim figure while she is hugging his neck. They look so happy and in love, like they were always meant to be with each other. Knowing what tragedy hit them is just hard to process even for you, who never even met the woman.

You hear the front door open and Izzy is laughing at something, so you rush out before anyone could catch you snooping around.

“Hi Miss Y/N!” she chirps upon seeing you when you meet them in the living room.

“Izzy, you don’t have to call me Miss Y/N, Y/N is perfectly fine,” you smile at her, caressing her rosy cheeks.

“Okay. Ruth, can I please have some ice-cream?”

“I’m afraid we ran out of ice-cream, but I’ll put it on your grocery list,” Ruth tells her, a pout tugging on Izzy’s lips.

“How about this: I’m gonna make a delicious smoothie, that’s almost like melted ice-cream, would you like some?” you offer and her eyes brighten up immediately, nodding right away.

While Ruth puts away Izzy’s things they brought home from daycare, while the two of you move to the kitchen to make the smoothie together. You find some frozen berries in the freezer and pair them with bananas, putting them all into the blender with oatmilk, blending it all together.

“How is it?” you ask Izzy, who is sitting on top of the counter, tasting the pink smoothie that leaves a cute little mustache above her cherry lips.

“I like it!” she smiles, scrunching her nose.

“We can make it some other time then,” you smile, drinking up your portion.

Izzy is dancing around the kitchen, babbling about her last day at daycare while you clean the glasses and the blender when Harry arrives. He is wearing a baby blue suit with a crispy dress shirt underneath, looking fashionable but still business appropriate at the same time.

“Daddy!” Izzy launches towards her daddy, who catches her, throwing her into the air before holding her in his arms, joining you in the kitchen.

“Hey baby. How was your day?”

“Good, all my friends hugged me but I told them we would meet in the park.”

“That’s right, and I have the number of all your friends’ parents, we can have playdates with them whenever you want to,” he smiles before his eyes meet yours. “Hi Y/N, everything went well with the rest of your moving?”

“Yeah, I’m all set,” you smile back at him.

“That’s great. I have a few calls to make, but I’ll be done in thirty probably. Would you mind looking out for Izzy in the meanwhile?”

“Of course. She promised me to take me around her room, so we could do that, what do you say?” you ask the little girl who nods in excitement.

Harry disappears in his office and Izzy pulls you to her room, showing you just about every toy she owns. Her room is a typical girl’s room, the walls are painted a light pink color, her bedframe resembles a castle and she has a dollhouse as big as your previous bathroom. Harry clearly spoils her rotten, but what you noticed is that she is not one of those annoying bratty only children who can’t take no. She was clearly taught how to behave and always listen to the adults.

While Izzy is putting her stuffed animals away after introducing you to all of them, you spot a photo frame near her bed, decorated with macaroni. You remember when you all did that together at daycare and now you get to see the photo that ended up behind the glass.

It’s a photo of Izzy and her mother, she was just a baby and doing quick math in your head you realize it must have been not long before her accident, might even be the last picture taken of the two of them. Her mom is smiling at the camera while Izzy is sleeping in her arms peacefully. Izzy looked a lot like her when she was a baby, the bridge of her nose and her lips resembled her mother’s, though now she appears to take more after her dad with her chocolate curls and piercing green eyes.

“That’s my mommy,” she tells you when she sees you looking at the photo.

“It’s a nice picture,” you smile at her, trying your best to hide how heartbroken you feel even just looking at the photo.

“Daddy said she had to go up to the sky, but she is watching me from there,” she explains, clearly not entirely sure what it means, but you can tell she misses her. “Daddy said she is living between the stars now and that she loves me very much.” You need to fight your tears back at her words.

“I’m sure of that too,” you breathe out smiling at her.

“Izzy, do you want to help me make dinner?” Harry walks in smiling, though it disappears for a moment when he sees the two of you looking at the photo of his wife, but he is quick to control himself.

“Yes! What are we making?” she runs over to him, jumping up and down.

“Uh, chicken and veggies.”

You step away from the photo, pretending like nothing just happened. You’re dying to discuss it with Harry, hear him talk about it, but you won’t push him. If he wants to share it, he’ll come to you.

“Alright, come on then,” he smiles down at her. “Thank you for watching her, I’ll take over from here. Food will be ready in about an hour, Ruth is staying with us as well,” he informs you.

“Great, I’ll… I’ll be in my room,” you nod.

The first two weeks on the job brush past smoothly. It takes you some time to get used to your new home, but taking care of Izzy doesn’t feel like work, so you’re feeling amazing in your new job. You easily fall into a schedule with her.

The mornings are always Harry’s duty. He wakes her up around seven-thirty, makes her breakfast and dresses her for the day before he leaves around nine. Thanks to this habit of his, you’re able to sleep in until eight, leaving you plenty of time to get ready for your day with Izzy before Harry has to leave. Depending on the weather, the two of you then either take over the back yard or move to her room for some play time before her class of the day starts in the noon. Piano with Rosaline on Mondays and Wednesdays, French lesson with Lyon on Tuesdays and Fridays and then Izzy’s favorite on Thursdays, swimming class with Kitty.

Izzy loves to help in the kitchen so you usually make lunch together. Once her tummy is full she takes a nap before you sit down to learn something new every day. You’ve been teaching her the numbers and the alphabet, or some days you just talk about anything that interests her and learn at least two things she hasn’t know yet, all through games so she doesn’t even realize what you’re doing. You’re usually done by around three, leaving you time to take a visit to the park, if Harry is not planning to take her himself later that day.

You’re strictly home by four, unless it’s Tuesday when she has her dance class until five. Those days you drive her to her class, run some quick errands and pick her up. Harry usually uses his extra time in the office on these days, but he is always home by six to have dinner together with his daughter.

Once Harry is home you’re off duty, though you like to stay close, not just in case something comes up for Harry, but because you genuinely like spending time with Izzy and Harry, seeing them interacting.

Harry sometimes has to work on Saturdays as well, but just as he promised Ruth is always here to take over duty on those days, leaving you free for the whole weekend. It’s been working perfectly for you and those very few concerns you had about moving in dissolve quite fast as soon as you start working.

Though it’s been pretty clear to you before, you now one hundred percent sure that Harry is living for his daughter. She is always a priority, he doesn’t hesitate to decline any work calls he gets in the evenings if Izzy needs him, if she is a little fussy and wants her daddy’s attention or when they are in the middle of a game. He is clearly trying to keep a balance between his work and role as a father and from what you’ve seen, it seems like he is doing an amazing job in that. However you haven’t learned much else about him. He is all friendly towards you, but makes sure to keep it business casual, not quite keen on getting to know each other better as just friends, maybe.

A Friday afternoon you’re having a little tea party in the backyard with Izzy when Harry arrives home, but this time, he is not alone. Through the sliding door you spot him with a blonde guy who is talking very articulately as Harry is typing on his phone. The man looks about Harry’s age, but you can’t tell if he is a friend or a business partner, but if Harry brought him home, he is more likely to be a friend of his.

“Uncle Niall!” Izzy gasps when he spots the man through the glass and abandoning the tea party, she starts running towards the door. The man spots her and slides the door open grinning widely before she jumps into his arms.

“Little bugger! How are ya?” the man laughs, holding Izzy in a tight hug before leaning back to take a good look at her. You notice his thick Irish accent and it suits his appearance quite well. You head inside as well, in case Harry needs Izzy busy for a little longer, though he doesn’t mind having her around, kissing the top of her head before finishing up whatever he was doing on his phone, watching Niall and Izzy smiling.

“I’m having a tea party with Y/N, wanna join?” Izzy invites the man, who then looks at you for the first time, smiling widely.

“Hi, I’m Y/N, Izzy’s new nanny,” you introduce yourself, holding out a hand that he shakes, keeping Izzy in his other arm without a problem.

“Nice to meet ya, I’m Niall.”

“Y/N, Niall is an old friend of mine. He is joining us for dinner, hope you don’t mind,” Harry informs you and you find it funny how he is kind of asking for your approval when it’s his house.

“Not at all.”

“Harry has told me he hired a pair of new hands to help, but he didn’t mention it’s a stunning young woman!” Niall beams, making you blush right away.

“Ni, I would appreciate it if you didn’t try to pick up my daughter’s new nanny,” Harry warns him lightly, though there’s some firmness in his tone, not that it scares Niall in any way, he even winks at you.

“Oh come on, you can’t expect me not to flirt when you surround yourself with so many pretty women! First Ruth and now Y/N!”

You smile at him, something is telling you he wasn’t joking and he tried to flirt with Ruth as well. Harry just rolls his eyes at his friend, taking Izzy from him.

“Keep it in your pants, Niall,” Harry tells him and though it’s nothing vulgar, it catches Izzy’s attention.

“What should he keep in his pants?” she questions, making your and Harry’s eyes grow big right away. Luckily, Niall keeps his cool and takes care of the situation.

“My attitude, Sweetie. Your daddy is just jealous because I’m more handsome than he is,” he smirks at the little girl, successfully avoiding an awkward conversation about what it is that Niall should keep in his pants.

You smile at his reply, even though you are not that sure about the comparison he just made between himself and Harry.

“Izzy, do you want to continue the tea party?” you ask her and even though just a minute ago she was inviting Niall to join her, now she shakes her head no. “Alright, I’ll pack it up then.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. We’ll do it, right Izzy? She brought it all out, she is going to be the one packing it up,” Harry reminds her and she nods.

The two of them move outside to put her little tea set back into the basket she keeps it in, leaving you and Niall alone.

“So Y/N, how did you end up here?”

“I was working at Izzy’s daycare, but they sent me away not long ago. Then Harry contacted me and offered the job which was a lifesaver, truly.”

“That’s great! Well, not that you got fired, but that you ended up here. I know it means a lot for Harry that he can spend more time with Izzy, you’re making everything a lot easier for him.” Niall walks over into the kitchen and grabs a water for himself as he leans against the counter. “I can see that he is a lot more relaxed now already.”

“Really?” you ask, surprised.

“Yeah. I know he always used to stress about picking Izzy up, or forgetting something the daycare asked for. Now he can make it all work just how he wants to, that fits him a lot more. It hasn’t been easy on him since Maggie’s death.”

This is the first time you hear anyone talk about Harry’s wife and now you just learned her name. Maggie.

“Being a single parents is never easy,” you add with a soft smile, not wanting to interrogate Niall about Maggie. It’s Harry’s place to tell you about her, if he wants to, of course.

Soon enough Izzy and Harry take over the kitchen, Niall helping them this time and you leave them alone, taking some time for yourself in your room. Later you go out to check if there’s anything you could help with, Harry asks you to set the table as he finishes up the cooking.

“So, Y/N. Tell me a little bit about yourself!” Niall asks you over dinner.

“Um, what do you want to know?” you ask, feeling a little flustered to be in the spotlight.

“I don’t know, family, friends, hobbies?”

“Well, I have a younger brother, Trevor. He is seventeen and already taller than me.”

“Oh, that seems like a big age gap.”

“Ten years, to be exact,” you nod. “He was planned, I wasn’t,” you add with a soft chuckle. “But we have a great relationship, so it’s all good. We talk almost every day.”

“I’m sure you’ll get well along with Gemma then!” Niall beams, glancing at Harry.

“Gemma is my sister,” Harry explains. “Though she is not that much older than me.”

“But you can bond over being stuck with a younger brother who outgrew you,” Niall jokes making all three of you laugh.

All through dinner you realize how different Niall is from Harry, but in a good way. While Harry is more quiet and calm, Niall is kind of all over the place, buzzing and chatting every chance he got, but the two of them make a great pair, bringing what the other doesn’t have to the table.

After dinner you attempt to leave them again, but Niall makes you stay as they open a glass of wine. Harry puts on a movie for Izzy to keep her busy, giving the three of you a chance to sit out at the terrace from where you still can keep an eye on the little girl inside.

“Alright, Y/N. When are we going on our first date then?” Niall asks out of the blue, a cocky smile tugging on his lips.

“Niall, for fuck’s sake,” Harry breathes out as you let out an awkward chuckle.

“What? I think there’s some electricity going on between us.”

“I, uhh—I don’t…”

“Please don’t turn me down!” he sighs dramatically, making you smile.

“You’ve been great company, but I’m not sure we should go out,” you tell him. He huffs in disappointment, but it’s clear he didn’t take it to his heart.

“Is it because you’re taken? I didn’t even ask, are you dating anyone? You can’t be engaged, because I don’t see any rings,” he points out, nodding towards your naked fingers, however his words make you suck on your breath.

“I’m not engaged. Not anymore,” you admit and you watch their eyes go wide at the information.

“Wait, you’ve been engaged before?” Harry asks, clearly surprised, if not shocked.

“Yeah. For about four months,” you nod, running your tongue over your lips as you reach for your wine, taking a few large gulps.

“And what did the fucker do?” Niall bluntly questions, earning a look from Harry. “What? I’m just curious what twat it takes to lose a woman like her!”

“Maybe she doesn’t want to talk about that,” Harry presses, but you shrug.

“It’s not a secret. We dated for about two years before he proposed. I said yes, started planning the wedding and everything, then found out that he had been cheating on me with his assistant for about a year. We broke up, simple as that. It’s in the past, happened a year ago.”

“That’s some next level asshole bullshit,” Niall shakes his head while Harry is just staring at you with an unreadable look before he turns his attention at his glass, still clearly deep in his thoughts and you wonder what he thinks of you now. Here is the loser who not only got cheated on, but lost her job, all of that just in one year.

Harry doesn’t react, and a moment later Izzy comes out because she is thirsty, so daddy duties call him away. Niall stays a little, but heads home soon as well.

“It was nice meeting you, Y/N. The date still stands though,” he smirks when he pulls back from the short hug he enveloped you in.

“Alright,” you chuckle, slowly getting used to his flirty act.

You was the wine glasses and head back to your room while Harry walks Niall out and then takes Izzy upstairs to give her a bath. You don’t cross paths until later when you leave your room, already in your pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt to grab some water for yourself and he walks out of Izzy’s room just then, probably done with putting her to sleep.

“I’m sorry if Niall made you uncomfortable, he didn’t mean to be rude or anything,” he apologizes as the two of you walk together.

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” you chuckle softly. “It was kind of a boost to my ego, if I’m being honest.”

Harry huffs with a smile and stops at the kitchen island, his fingers tapping on his lips as you grab yourself a bottled water.

“I’m… I’m sorry about… about what you told us earlier.”

Closing the fridge you look at him, seeing that he is kind of hesitant, like he is not sure he should have spoken up, but you appreciate the thought.

“It’s alright. Just water under the bridge,” you shrug.

“I just feel bad you had to go through that.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” you chuckle softly. “It sucked, yeah. I really thought I would live happily ever after with Keith, but instead I got a lesson.”

“A lesson?”

“When we broke up I was obviously on the floor, both literal and theoretical way. I thought it was my fault, that I did something wrong and that’s why he did what he did. I even thought that I’m not worthy of being loved and being in love again. Took me time to realize that no matter what happened, I still deserve to be happy and to find someone to love and who can love me back.”

It appears that your words touch him deep, staring back at you, he just nods shortly, not replying to anything you just said. You’re not sure he is so silent because he doesn’t really understand what you just talked about or if it hit too close to home. Whatever it is, he keeps it to himself.

“Good night, Harry,” you smile at him before walking out of the kitchen and up into your room.

You’re lying in bed already when you hear him open his room’s door and then close it and suddenly he is all you can think about. The way his eyes sometimes pierce down on you, the way he taps his fingers against his lips when he is thinking hard or the proud smile that always plasters across his face whenever he is watching Izzy do basically anything. But you do see some pain in those beautiful green eyes of his and your desire to take just the smallest fracture of it away grows, even though he is not showing any sign that he is willing to share it with you.

The next morning, despite having the day off, you wake up quite early. You toss and turn, try to fall back asleep a little longer, but you just can’t. It’s a nice, warm morning and you decide to take advantage of the little balcony attached to your room. Wrapping yourself in your fluffy robe you grab the book you started reading a few days ago and sit out, enjoying the morning Sun that’s shining right at you on the balcony.

You don’t even realize for a while that you’re not the only early riser. When your eyes wander down to the big oak tree that’s near Izzy’s playground, you spot Harry doing what appears to be yoga on a green mattress, wearing nothing else, just a pair of black shorts. No shirt.

For a moment you think about going inside, feeling like you’re invading his privacy in a way, but you have the right to enjoy the morning Sun on your balcony, it’s not your fault he decided to have yoga at the exact same time. And it’s just hard not to look at his shirtless body stretching in all directions, twisting and turning as he goes through the motions, his tattooed body on full display.

It’s been clear since the moment you laid eyes on him for the first time that Harry is probably the most beautiful man you’ve ever met and that includes all your exes. Paired with his kind of mysterious charisma and the way he takes care of his daughter, he is the whole package, but you have been busy with Izzy to dwell too long on how attractive he really is. But right now, you are not working and he is very much shirtless in the backyard, teasing you with thoughts you definitely shouldn’t be thinking about when it comes to your boss.

A shaky breath leaves your mouth as you let yourself watch him just for a few more minutes before heading back inside, not wanting to get busted for being a stalker and also not wanting to see him in more positions and have even more unholy thoughts about him.

But what you don’t know is that just as you step inside, Harry catches your figure disappearing in your room, knowing well you saw him too.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

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[ariendiel]

“ let me take care of things for once, alright? “

So sorry for taking so long, but here's finally a prompt for you, just in time for Noah's birthday! I had planned on writing you a F/F prompt, but I find myself very uninspired to write lately, so I went with my "safe" option of Noah... Hope you still enjoy it 🤍

Noah x MC – Rated T – 715 Words

It’d been almost a year since they’d left the villa, but the media storm simply refused to die down. Sure, they’d caused quite the scene when she’d won with her partner, only to take the money and leave with him, but Noah had been naive as always and thought it’d all blow over quickly enough. Oh how wrong he’d been.

Months had passed, but the debate still raged on. Who was at fault? Had they cheated on their partners despite not being official? Was Noah a gold digger, or were they both only after money? Were they secretly meant to be? Would they last or fall apart? It was live the whole Rachel and Ross debate all over again, but this time it revolved around two very real people. It was exhausting.

Perhaps more so for her.

She was doing so much to keep them afloat. Doing interviews, radio, even the odd morning talk show. All that to protect them, and him. 

Noah had quickly realised he wasn’t one for fame and fortune. Instead, he almost resented it for how it kept him from returning to the library and made it so damn impossible to leave Love Island behind. It was like a ghost of mistakes was following him, an unwanted shadow from the past.

Still, he was shielded by her. So strong and stubborn and glorious, she withstood it all. Not without cost however.

“I can’t remember the last time we had just a day for ourselves,” he sighed, rubbing the palm of his hand across his face, not wanting to get frustrated. It wasn’t her fault, not really.

“I know, and I’m sorry,” she said, looking so utterly tired where she was stood in their living room, leaning against the windowsill. “But I’m trying, okay? I really am.”

“But is trying really helping us?” He didn’t know what to say, and by the frown that formed between her brows he wasn’t heading in the right direction. Pausing, he wetted his lips before continuing. He’d been working on this communication thing. “What I mean is, we’ve been trying to explain and show them we’re in love for months now, but they still won’t leave us alone. I know you’re doing so much, and I love and appreciate you for it, but maybe we should just… leave it?”

“Easy for you to say,” she muttered, the circles under her eyes seeming that more pronounced when her eyes filled with tears. “You’re not the one they’re calling names. A snake, slut, schemer… I didn’t even know there were so many insults starting with the letter s. And you want me to just leave it?”

“It can’t hurt, can it?”

“Oh Noah, it can hurt,” she said silently, wrapping her arms around herself protectively, eyes downcast. “It can hurt so much.”

Falling silent, he looked at her, truly looked, before he stepped closer. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to his chest. “I’m sorry,” he murmured into her hair, feeling her shake in exhausted release against him. “I didn’t know– didn’t realise how tough it’s been for you.”

“Because I haven’t let you see.” She sniffled, and he smiled at feeling her wipe her eyes with his shirt. Always so strong, his little warrior queen.

“Let me take care of things for once, alright?” Noah said with as much determination as he could muster. He rarely used his ‘strict’ voice on her, but she needed to relax. For her sake. And theirs. “No phone calls with the press, no interviews, no social media. It’s time I did my share of disaster management too.”

“You sure?” She asked, looking up at him with not a small amount of doubt, and he couldn’t exactly blame her for it. He was notorious for avoiding drama.

“I’ll still have you by my side, won’t I?” She nodded at that and Noah smiled, running a thumb along one of her cheekbones. “Exactly. So yeah, I’m sure.”

“Thank you,” she said with a little sigh, and finally she seemed to lower her shoulders somewhat and allow herself a few deep breaths.

“Now, let me pour you a bath, light some candles, and find your favourite book.” He said with finality and kissed her forehead. “And most importantly, red or white?”

[itgirlification]

supermodel | jjk

the last three months have been hell for you, but Jungkook seemed to be living his best life.

pairing: ex-bf!jk x thick!reader

warnings: explicit mentions of body image and insecurities, infidelity, anal sex, oral (male receive), foul language (kinda), etc.

now playing: supermodel by sza

part two part three

Exactly three months ago, your and Jungkook’s 2 years relationship officially ended. Unofficially, it ended about 5 months ago. And for about one month now, Jungkook’s been seeing someone else.

Your heart and mind told you not to do it but you couldn’t help calculating. Three months ago, you were still dating, two months later, he started dating someone else. That must mean he’s known her for a while. Did he cheat on you with her? Well, it’s not like it matters now anyway, does it?

Her name was Yuki, an undeniable Japanese beauty. You were still in college, studying music and she was a famous model who appeared in internationally known magazines. You assumed she met Jungkook during a photoshoot since he was a professional photographer who often worked for companies like Vogue and Playboy. You couldn’t help but compare yourself to her.

It wasn’t the fact that he moved on so quickly that hurt you the most. It was the fact that he knew all about your low self-esteem and how you lack confidence. Especially about your body. And he still went and dated a model, of all professions in the world. He was definitely over you.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he did it on purpose. But thankfully, you knew better, he looked too happy for that to be even considered. He forgot about you.

You’re making yourself sadder by remembering all the times he assured you you were beautiful and your body was nothing to be ashamed of. The times he let his fingertips run over the lines of your stretch marks, whispering in your ear how much he loved them and how they reminded him of Tiger stripes. The times he caressed your jiggly thighs and told you how sexy he thought they were.

Then your mind would drift back to the phone in your hand, the Instagram page of Yuki Sakurai opened, careful not to accidentally like anything and expose yourself. Not that she’d notice anyway, she had 3.7 million followers, while you had a private one with 500 followers and no posts, and she gets around 300 to 700 thousand likes on each post, depending on whether she posts random photos or pretty pictures of herself. Or newly, your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Oh, how crazy everybody goes whenever she posts him. People love them together. You couldn’t blame them. Two attractive people? Of course, they’re gonna look great together.

Fucking great.

That the end of your relationship with Jungkook would look like this was semi-predictable from the beginning. He did admit to you that he never thought he’d date someone that looked like you when you first dated. And your heart broke a little. But he also made up for it in those two years, it was a beautiful relationship nonetheless.

While you weren’t exactly his ‘ideal’ type, he was definitely yours. You always heard from other women ‘when in a relationship, the man always has to love the woman more than she loves him. Otherwise, it won’t work.’ You never really got the saying until your breakup with Jungkook happened. It was the fact that you clearly loved Jungkook more than he loved you that lead to this.

“Oh my goodness!”, your roommate, Jane, dramatically exclaimed. “Will you stop feeling bad for yourself and do something? That’s not what hot girls do, sis.”

Jane was a lovely girl with a not so lovely temper. She always means well and you got along perfectly as soon as you met. Which was around 3 and a half years ago.

She looked over your shoulder to see what you were looking at. You obviously didn’t want her to see you snooping around your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend’s Instagram but it was too late.

“Seriously, yn?”, she took your phone in her hand and threw it on the bed. “Let’s go somewhere, you can’t do this to yourself anymore. I’m not letting you.”

Jane was clearly worried about you at this point. The only thing you did these last few weeks was eating, shower, cry, sleep and miss a whole bunch of classes. This wasn’t good at all.

“Where?”, your question was short.

“To the mall? Or the nail studio? Anything that’ll get you out of this fucking dormitory.”, Jane sighed, pulling the blanket off of you, making you whine a little. “C’mon, go put on some cute outfit and we’ll go.”

You felt bad since she was trying hard to make you feel better. But it didn’t really work.

You nodded, standing up from the bed, nonetheless. You picked out a cute two-piece dress, that brought back blurred memories of the time you went on a date with Jungkook, wearing the same two-piece. Bet Yuki would look cuter in this...

‘Shut your petty ass up, yn. It’s embarrassing, the way you’re stuck on a taken guy who wants nothing to do with you’

You wish you could change the way you think, even if it’s just for an hour or two. You wish you would stop imagining Jungkook judging you when he saw you naked or when you told him that you wished you could cut off some of your fat with a pair of scissors.

You were beyond ashamed of yourself. Why wasn’t it easy for you to just stay by yourself? why were you so desperately in need of Jungkook by your side to the point where you’d lock yourself in your room for a month just because he isn’t there?

You needed Jungkook. You became so attached to him in those two years, because you always saw him as a permanent, a forever. Not just a temporary, not just a distant memory. You already saw him as the father of your children, as the man you’re gonna marry.

You were so blinded by the fact that you had him, that you forgot you could lose him anytime.

“I’m done, let’s go.”, unenthusiastically, you announced to Jane, who was already waiting for you.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here!”, In contrast to your spirit, hers seemed to be all roses and daisies. “Lord knows you need it...”

__________

“Look at this cute ass skirt, girl”, Jane pointed at a chic, wine mini skirt she was holding. “You know, when I saw it back there I wanted to have it, but it’d look so much better on you”

You took a few seconds to admire Jane’s beauty. She was about 3 cm taller than you, had a great posture, and almond, dark brown eyes that suited her dark skin tone perfectly. Her body leaned more towards the slimmer side.

“Shut up! No, it would not”, you let out a small giggle. “It would look gorgeous on you, buy it.”

She smiled a little at your laughs. She was happy to see you at least a little cheerful again. “Yeah, but I think it’d look better on you. I’m entitled to my own opinion, am I not?”

You knew this debate was gonna go back and forth, because of her stubbornness. “Let’s both buy the skirt.”

You ended up doing so, added by a bunch of bags full of clothing. This may’ve turned into your new coping mechanism. Who needed therapy when you can go on a shopping spree?

Two hours were spent in boutiques and clothing stores and Jane decided she was tired, wanting to visit the local spa.

“No, seriously, these Riverdale seasons just keep on getting worse and worse. Netflix needs to step up their game ASAP”, Jane ranted, making you laugh at how serious she takes it. “It’s getting embarrassing. I’m being for real.”

The two of you were sitting in the whirlpool at the spa, relaxing your whole bodies a little.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I don’t watch these new Netflix shows anyways. Been stuck on the vampire diaries for the last 7 years”, you chuckled, knowing you hated trying new things. “Can you pass me one of those magazines?”

Jane nodded, grabbing a random one from the table next to her and handed it to you, without looking at it.

The cover of it caught your eyes immediately. How could it not, when your ex’s new girl looks absolutely dazzling on the front page of it.

‘Supermodel Yuki Sakurai talks summer fashion tips, struggle with self-love and most importantly, her hot, new boyfriend the media is going crazy over’ was the headline of the Harper’s Bazaar Magazine cover.

You felt your stomach getting sick and your breath getting heavier, but you still flipped the pages until you found the one with her interview. You began reading it, skipping the boring parts.

‘Int: so, we see you have a new boyfriend. Tell us, how did you guys meet?

Yuki: Yeah, he’s an amazing guy. We actually met about six or five months ago at one of my photoshoots, since he’s a photographer and we exchanged numbers and stuff, and then we made it official mid last month.’

About six or five months ago? You were with him back then, but her answer was too unclear to find out if he cheated or not.

“Woah, yn, you okay?”

You entirely forgot about the fact that you were with Jane, let alone somewhere other than your bed.

Before you could react, Jane snatched the magazine out of your hand.

“You really can’t escape them, huh?”, She sighs, taking you in her arm. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. In a few months, you’re gonna look back to this and think wow I really was stuck on a guy who’s scared of microwaves and cried like a bitch when Iron Man died.”

You laughed, punching her arm playfully. “You know, I actually love these things about him. Shows his sensitivity and the way he perceives things.”

Jane looked at you as if she didn’t believe you were actually saying that stuff. “Girl, you’re overanalyzing this. Let’s just throw this shit in the trash, okay?”

She put the magazine aside.

“I just don't know what I did wrong.”, You murmured. “I know we weren't the best, but we didn't even fight that much. We could’ve talked it through.”

Jane pursed her lips and cooed. “You know, relationships are complicated sometimes. The reason why he broke up, to begin with, is probably not your fault.”

“Well, what if it is? I mean what if I was too fat or too ugly for him?”, you asked. “If he wanted a skinny girl so bad, I could’ve lost weight for him, I don’t get it.”

Jane looked at you like you lost your mind entirely. “I can’t believe you just said that! Even if that was the reason, which it wasn’t, you shouldn’t make yourself suffer because of it. That’s his loss. You’re beyond gorgeous and you have an amazing body.”

“You’re just saying that.”, tears slowly started coming up in your eyes. “But the thing is Jungkook knows all about my insecurities. Why would he do that to me? I know he knows that I’m still not over him.”

You usually didn’t like crying in front of other people, but you didn’t really care at the moment, besides that was Jane. You trusted her with your life.

“Girl, men are trash, I can’t believe you’re crying over one right now, seriously.”, she wiped your tears and held your face between her hands. “You know, honestly, I’ve read so many articles about how models actually hate themselves and have like the lowest self-esteem so in conclusion, no matter how miserable you are, his new girl is even more miserable.”

You knew Jane didn’t mean it in a harmful way, but it sounded harsher than needed. “I don’t hate her, she probably doesn’t even know about me. I’m just really insecure. He upgraded from me. He’s dating a whole model now.”

The situation just felt like a deja vu of these last few weeks laying in your bed, even though you were at the spa with your friend. You were supposed to have fun, yet you didn’t feel like having any.

“Why would you feel insecure when all you’ve seen of her are Instagram posts and red carpet pictures? She’s supposed to look beautiful, it’s her job.”

To a certain extent, Jane was right, but that didn’t really help your situation, you still felt bad about yourself. You stayed silent.

“C’mon, this isn’t fun anymore. Let’s leave.”, Jane mumbled.

_______

it’s been two days since the incident at the spa and you felt a little bit better now.

Those days were spent reading the same three book series you’ve read your entire life, overthinking, hot Cheetos, Indian takeout, and Netflix. It really wasn’t as miserable as it sounded.

You were just taking a little rest before term break ends and you have to go back to the shithole college again.

Jane was using the time until college starts again, but in different ways than you were. She was planning on going to some frat party in an hour and forget about the world’ for a minute. Or till 4 in the morning, where she will most likely drunk call you and ask you for a ride back to the dorms, because the friends she went to the party with were shit-faced as well and were in no way capable of driving anywhere without the cops stopping them.

Going out partying on a Friday night was a Jane tradition. In the past, you’d sometimes go with her, but you mostly spent your time out with Jungkook doing something more fun than partying could ever be. Now you can’t do that anymore, but laying in bed is more ideal than a party for you at the moment.

“How do I look?”, Jane twirled around to show off her black cocktail dress. She looked beautiful.

“You look beautiful.”, you responded to her question. “Are you leaving now?”

“Hm”, she said, to which you nodded. “You sure you don’t wanna come with me? It’s gonna be really fun.”

You shook your head no.

“Alright”, she shrugged, making her way out of your bedroom. “But I told you, it’s gonna be fun.”

You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “I’ll stay here, I have shit to do.”

“Yeah, right, like binge-watching the vampire diaries and taking 5-hour naps”, she said in a sarcastic tone. “Anyway, bye-bye, Vic’s already waiting for me in the car.”

Victoria was perhaps one of the most obnoxious people you know, yet she was too much of a nice person for you to talk shit about her. The voice of your intrusive thoughts couldn’t help but to, though.

“Alright, bye, take care and say hi to Vic from me.”

After Jane left, an hour went by like it was just a couple of minutes. You were starting to get real bored and decided to watch some regular tv in hopes to find something you enjoy. You ended up not finding anything fun, but you still watched it, because you didn’t have anything else to do.

A few moments later, the doorbell rang and you were suddenly worried. Either this is a serial killer or Jane forgot something.

But to your surprise, it was neither, but it was none other than

“Jungkook?”, truly, those were the only words you were able to mutter out at your shocked state. “What are you do-“

At the speed of light, you were interrupted by your ex-boyfriend pressing his lips to yours. He didn’t say a word.

You weren’t expecting him. Not knowing how you were supposed to feel at the moment, you just let it happen. You were sure your mental state couldn’t get any worse than that, no matter how this will affect you in the end.

“Is Jane home?”, for the first time in 3 months, you’re hearing his silky voice again.

Jungkook knew Jane always had some type of special hatred for him with her killing stares and her bitter comments. You didn’t notice either though.

He also knew she must hate him even more after your breakup. Or maybe she liked him more now since she was able to get rid of him without killing anyone.

“No”, your answer was short and it made a weight fall from Jungkook’s shoulders before he continued kissing you.

It wasn’t anything you haven’t done before, yet it felt like it’s been ages since it last happened. Your mind drifted to the thought of Jungkook and his model girlfriend. You were asking yourself what their sex life was like, if she was tighter than you or if she had stretch marks and scars.

Jungkook’s lips were moving south, giving your neck wet kisses, while you were wondering why he broke up with his model girlfriend. Or if he even did. You felt selfish for not caring.

Removing your clothes one by one, you were left in your underwear, while Jungkook only had his boxers on.

This body was yours. You knew it inside out. Where he liked to get touched and where he preferred not to. You knew him better than anyone else. You were sure.

You already moved to your bedroom, since Jungkook effortlessly carried you there. You were sat on his lap, facing him and your hands were in his messy hair. His hands were around your waist, he was slightly smiling into the kiss, as you started grinding on him. He loved how easy it was for him to turn you on. You were still his.

Cutting off the kiss, he looked you in the eyes, while his hand was on your cheek. “Say aah.”, he said.

You widened your mouth obediently, which was followed by him collecting as much saliva as he could in his mouth and spitting it into your mouth.

“Swallow.”, demanding, he spit on your face, his eyes become darker with every passing moment. You did as he said.

You looked at him with big eyes. He knew you loved it. You’ve always had a thing for him degrading and humiliating you during sex.

He started grinding on you almost desperately. You knew exactly what he wanted.

Getting out of his grip, you dropped to your knees and freed his hard dick from his drawers. You reached for it and started pumping it, and licking it. Your spit was leaking down his dick as you used it for lubrication. Then you started sucking on it, just the way you used to.

Jungkook’s groans and satisfied sighs were enough to make you even wetter than before. You enjoyed giving more than receiving.

Your mouth was wet and warm around him, giving him a feeling of familiarity. You lick over the tip a few times, then proceed to fully take him into your mouth.

The bulge in your throat could be seen and the way your eyes were tearing up a little wasn’t bothering you at all. You loved giving.

Jungkook started thrusting in and out of your warm, welcoming mouth, his tip hitting the back of your throat multiple times.

“Fuck”, a throaty moan left Jungkook’s mouth, giving you hints that he was about to cum. And he did, releasing in your mouth before you swallowed it. “Shit, baby, that was so good.”

You felt your face heat up and a sheepish smile made its way to your face. Your throat was sore.

The two of you were on the bed again. To you, it felt like it was the times before your breakup again, when you’d purposely start an argument just for the makeup sex because Jungkook wasn’t giving you any anymore. It was like sex was the only thing to look forward to.

You felt attached to Jungkook to a point where it was dangerous. You weren’t okay when he wasn’t around. He affected every part of your life and God knew it wasn’t always a positive thing. Maybe it was the fact that he took your virginity. Maybe because he was your first boyfriend, the first guy that made you believe you were worthy of love and that someone was actually capable of loving you. One thing you knew was Jungkook had an expansive influence on your life.

While you were practically drowning in your own thoughts, Jungkook was busy taking off your underwear.

“You okay?”, Jungkook calmly asked you, looking at your riddled face.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m okay.”, you sounded distracted, Jungkook wasn’t sure about asking you what it is though. He didn’t feel like getting personal.

So he shrugged it off and started kissing you again, his dick was unsurprisingly hard again as he played with your tits. He drew lines over the stretch marks of your thighs and kissed them.

“Can I fuck your ass?”, Jungkook’s raspy, tired-sounding voice casually asked, to which you quickly nodded, knowing that Jungkook’s favorite position had always been anal. He was massaging and gripping your ass firmly.

“This is gonna hurt at first, but I promise it gets better.”, He warned calmly into your ear, while putting some lube on his dick and just went right into your ass, slowly thrusting so you don’t feel as much pain.

He was right, it did hurt a lot when he first put it in, but the pain just changed into pleasure in a matter of time and his slow-paced thrusts helped with the adjustment.

“Fuck, I missed this ass”, he practically growled into your ear, as he kept on thrusting in and out, steadily gripping your wide hips with his big, veiny hands. “It just doesn’t feel right when I’m inside her ass.”

You knew your confidence shouldn’t rely on Jungkook bringing his girlfriend down, but you couldn’t help but feel good about your body when he said that. It’s been a while since you felt even a tiny spark of confidence. You weren’t so fond of him mentioning her while he was inside of you.

Your soft moans rang through the whole room like sirens, while he watched your ass jiggle against his pelvis, thrusting in and out faster every second. He missed this.

You had always thought you were indecisive, but you knew exactly what you wanted. You just couldn’t have that, so you’d eventually have to settle for less.

Jungkook wasn’t to blame for it, you just couldn’t concede your shortcomings. The movie’s villain wasn’t always the real villain.

Your hands traveled to your pussy to make sure you’d orgasm as well, when you heard Jungkook’s breathing getting heavier and his thrusts getting gentler than before, indicating that he was gonna cum soon. You were certain he could make you cum with just anal, but you wanted to cum with him.

With furrowed eyebrows and drops of sweat dripping down his body, Jungkook looked down at your arched back. The whole scene was sticky, especially when Jungkook presses his upper body to your back, whispering sweet nothings into your ear and kissing the spot.

It was kinda odd, having sex with your ex-boyfriend you were crying over just a day ago. There was a certain intensity to it though. Like your long-lasting nostalgia was finally fulfilled.

You’ve realized you couldn’t imagine yourself being intimate with anybody else. Jungkook already knew your body, how it looked without the material protecting it, the strawberry skin, the slightly sagging breasts you swore you’d surgically remove once you had the chance to but didn’t. He knew where you liked being touched, he was the first one to even touch you in those places.

You were unsure what you’d do with yourself when he leaves.

Jungkook’s thrusts slowly started stopping and you too felt the familiar sensation in your stomach.

Suddenly, you two were nothing but desire, fear, and pleasure. And faster than you could process, you came together.

For minutes after your orgasm, you were just laying on the bed, thoughtless. Maybe a little regretful. Not you, but him.

You weren’t facing each other, but you could hear each other’s breathing. Your stomach was filled with something you’d describe as post-sex melancholia.

All of a sudden, Jungkook stood up from the bed, startling your resting self a little, but you decided to keep quiet, wanting to see what he was going to do.

He made his way to the door to leave what he thought was your sleeping body laying there. You couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

“Where are you going?”, your soft voice suddenly rang in his ears. “Don’t you wanna stay?”

He didn’t know how exactly to tell you. You’ve always been a gullible little girl, you were the type of girl to think fucking equals love. Little did you know that wasn’t the case at all.

“Yn.... you know I can’t”, Jungkook responded, you knew it wasn’t gonna be good when he said your name like that. “I got a girl at home and I don’t wanna mess shit up with her.”

There it was. Your suspicion was corroborated. He was still going out with the model and you were a certified home wrecker. Great.

You physically felt your heart breaking. “Bu- but why are you here then?”

You were incapable of being mad at him at the moment. It was your fault for letting him in, again. After breaking your trust and your heart.

“This was a mistake”, he declared, not looking into your eyes. “I’m sorry, yn...”

He’s moved past your room now, already at the exit of your dormitory. He was about to leave.

“You already ruined shit with her when you came here and fucked me.”, your voice was small, but your words were heard.

Without looking back, he left.

And you went back to your room, standing in the middle of it for a minute in silence before your brain fully processed what had happened and your tears started pouring.

[yutahoes]

Ghost of You

pairing: idol! Yuta (NCT member) x idol! Y/N (solo idol-actress)

word count : 5k words

genre: angst

summary: He was the one who ended everything. But you’re like a ghost that kept haunting him. 

warning : break up, alleged cheating, pregnancy, a fic where you just want to strangle Yuta to death 

Based on this ask. I’m sorry, I tweaked the story and changed some of the song (especially the Olivia Rodrigo one because it doesn’t fit the story) The songs I used are linked in the story. Also, I have no idea how the idol world works and please note that this is just fanfiction. Please Enjoy reading. 

Broken glass, an empty unruly apartment. Signs that a big fight happened. All because of a tabloid article of him seeing his co-host late at night. Yuta argued that she needed someone to talk to and Y/N was angry that he winged their anniversary V-live just for this. “You can tell me if you’re sick of me, Yuta.” she claimed that made him hiss. “Don’t you think I didn’t notice? You’re always making up things just so you can’t meet me.” 

“That’s not true!” Yuta shouted. “I am busy.” 

Tears ran down her face. “Then explain how Jungwoo had lunch with me last Friday when you said that you’re practicing with your members.”    

“Stop saying that I don’t even make time for you.” His voice raised in frustration. “When all you do is hang out with that co-star of yours.” 

The girl scoffed. “So it’s my fault now? It’s work, Yuta.” It’s always the same reason. “I asked you a lot of times if you’re alright with the drama and you never mention anything. Now, you’re using it against me?” 

The guy shook his head. “Let’s talk about this tomorrow. I’m tired.”

“And I’m also tired.” She whispered. “Let’s end this, Yuta.” She threw the promise ring before leaving the apartment. 

The news next day was about Y/N erasing pictures of them in her social media accounts. The breakup news between the solo idol and the NCT member followed. Taeyong just shook his head watching Yuta exit the CEO’s office with droopy shoulders. “I really like her for you, hyung.” Mark claimed when he entered the practice room. 

He didn’t know where it went wrong. They were happy. Everyone likes their relationship. His fans are her fans, and hers are his. They were tagged as the greatest idol couple, often paired in dances since it’s both their strengths. Y/N was casted in a period drama and he’s a supportive boyfriend who visited her the first day of the filming and thanked everyone for taking care of his girlfriend. She filmed romantic scenes, kissing her actor co-star. And he was fine. “It’s work, Yuta.” She would always say. And he would just smile. 

He started hosting a radio show with a female Japanese idol and he was cold at her, wanting to stir away from controversy. But as her drama progressed, with more romantic scenes and more kissing, he felt left out. She’s becoming a star. And he’s becoming Y/N’s idol boyfriend. Slowly, he’s getting fed up with the relationship that’s slowly getting centered on her. 

It felt like a breath of fresh air that it all ended now. Like a thorn removed from his aching heart. 

All the public’s sympathy went to her, as he expected. She’s the star. The more famous one among the two of them. So he just painted himself as the bad guy by confirming that he’s dating his co-host which surprised the other girl. The agency was surprised at the decision but it became such a media frenzy that their radio show got high ratings every week. Even the sales of their album spiked up and he became known as NCT’s Yuta and not as someone’s idol boyfriend.

Everything is getting better. 

-----      

It was the end of the year award show when they crossed paths again. They were doing a great job avoiding each other. Why now? Nine members meant a vacant seat from the round table artists are seated at. The staff repeatedly apologized but as kind as she is, she just smiled and sat between Doyoung and Jaehyun, just across Yuta. She greeted all the members, even complimenting Haechan’s hair and Taeil’s suit. “Congratulations on best album.” she greeted, smiling widely to avoid the awkwardness. 

“Aren’t you releasing an album as well?” Johnny asked that made her nod. “Another dance track?” Taeyong asked but Y/N shook her head saying that it was a ballad album and that she will perform later. The guys were obviously surprised, ballad isn’t her best track. She’s more known for her dancing skills so it is indeed a huge surprise. 

When the best female idol awardee was called, the NCT members all stood up to congratulate her. Jungwoo even helped her with her pink lace gown. She did the usual thank you message: thanking her parents, the almighty being, the management, the staffs, and her fans. “And lastly…” Yuta gasped. Whenever she gets an award, she thanks him lastly for comforting and always supporting her. “Please watch out for my album.” He felt his heart drop, especially when she smiled that angelic smile. Why is she shaking him like this? 

Yuta was already bored. He just wants to go home. The lights dimmed and the emcees announced her as the next performer. Because it’s a live performance, they showed some clips of her photoshoot for her new album. He had to agree that this concept fits her. She looked prettier than when they used to go out.

He was more surprised to see an orchestra accompaniment behind her on stage. Her, seated on a platform, wearing a white sequined dress that shines like stars when the spotlight shone on her. The crowd clapped just as the start of the song played. (Imagine this as the performance.) 

The other members warily glanced at him. A break up song. Why isn’t he surprised? 

My dream changed - instead of a famous singer, I tried to become a good wife

He remembered how she would always try to learn to cook whenever she had extra time. She never mentioned anything to him. It was until one night, they were laying next to each other, when she asked him if he wanted her to continue being an idol. That made him curious that time. She loved performing. Why would she ask that? 

Now, he knew why. 

By the time the second chorus rolled in, he was just amazed at how she could sing those notes while seated down. Her singing really got better. 

Someday you’ll probably call me then I hope you will be a man and congratulate me

Because this is all thanks to you, I’ll prepare a good thank you message for you

He can hear Mark giggling beside him. Johnny pursed his lips as if preventing to laugh. “Hyung, please record her thank you message.” the youngest member teased that made him annoyed. 

Her voice echoed all throughout the venue. Her adlibs hitting notes that she cannot do before and she’s sitting while doing that. 

Slowly, I got over you like that

Their eyes met. Those sparkling eyes. She’s shining. She looks well. She looks better. Without him. 

The fresh air suffocated him, burning his lungs in the process. The thorn that was removed came back and brought friends, a knife tearing his heart into pieces. 

Everything is getting better. For her. Not for him.

The moment he went inside the empty apartment, he felt like breaking down. This is harder than the time she left. He missed her. He’s a wreck without her. A huge mess. Why is he taken over by his jealousy? She deserves to be the center of the relationship. The star. She deserves the whole world. Is it too late for him to get everything back now? He took his phone as a song on the radio played, “Mark, I need your help.” 

Another award show meant another chance to cross paths with her. To Y/N’s surprise, Yuta congratulated her with a wide smile after winning an award. The staffs were repeatedly asking if the members were sure of doing this that made the manager and the leader nod. Johnny was seated in front of the grand piano, Mark on one side with his guitar. Taeil, Doyoung, Jaehyun, and Yuta seated on different chairs in the middle of the stage. (Song)

Johnny started the melody while Mark played his guitar. Jaehyun started the song that made Y/N look at them from the artists’ place. Yuta smiled. Her favorite band. Taeil started singing the chorus with Yuta as back-up vocals. Doyoung sang the second verse while Jaehyun sang the chorus, followed by Taeil. By the end of the song, they lightly glance at Yuta. His last cry for her. 

So I drown it out like I always do

Dancing through our house with the ghost of you

And I chase it down, with the shot of truth

He glanced at her, staring straight to those sparkling eyes. 

That my feet don’t dance like they did with you

The lights dim but he saw her silhouette remain on her seat, shoulders visibly heaving. Behind the spotlight, Yuta finally realized that like a ghost, he cannot shake her off. She’ll keep haunting him because he cannot let go of her. Yuta finally realized that he is still in love with her. 

They had been busy with the concerts abroad and she had been busy with the promotion of her album. Yuta’s co-host quit the radio show and days later, it was announced that she was pregnant. The members were surprised at first but it was her who confirmed that Yuta isn’t the father of the child. The public sympathy went to Yuta for the alleged cheating that the girl had done, making him in the center of the media frenzy once again. 

It was a Japanese radio show when he met Y/N again. He had to promote the Japanese leg of their concert while she promoted her Japanese single. She looked casual greeting him, as if nothing happened but her words echoed in his ears “It’s just work, Yuta.” Maybe it was really nothing to her. 

They were seated next to each other. He watched her put on her headphones then rubbed her palms together. “I kinda forgot Japanese.” she claimed then said a Japanese phrase to introduce herself. “Is that right?” He nodded, his warm gaze still on hers. Too casual. “I’m nervous.” 

He wanted to hug her. Comfort her. Tell her that everything will be alright. That he’s next to her so she doesn’t have to worry about anything. 

But he can’t. She’s not his. 

The host kept on claiming that they looked good together that startled them both. When the staff told him something in Japanese, he kept on apologizing while saying that he doesn’t know that they used to date. She just smiled, shaking her head to avoid the awkwardness. She really did move on. The radio show went smoothly until the last part where they had to sing a duet together. Y/N was obviously surprised. Didn’t she know? “We can skip it if you don’t want to.” Yuta whispered. 

Once again she shook her head. “It’s fine. I just haven’t prepared for it.” she claimed while looking at the music sheet. “The notes are a little high.” 

“You’ll do great. Your singing got better.” She giggled at the reference and he smiled. He missed her laugh. 

Y/N focused on the lyrics, asking the translator to tell her what the words mean or how to pronounce it. Yuta was reading the lyrics, seated next to her when she laughed. “Yuta,” she called and he felt his heart jump from his chest. He missed her voice calling his name. “Should we switch parts?” He looked surprised, curious even. “I mean, the lyrics.” 

Yuta smiled. “Should we?” 

Y/N giggled. “Sometimes I am convinced they’re doing this on purpose.” He smiled while looking at her. He missed her. So much. 

The host was asking repeatedly if they want to continue this, apologizing if it ever makes them uncomfortable but she would just smile and shake her head. He thanked her for being professional and she grinned, making Yuta breathless. He missed her smile. 

They were introduced and she even made a fighting sign at him as the melody started. It was a lonely song and Yuta poured all his feelings on his part. (This is the song they used. Dude, can they just remaster it by asking Yuta to sing this?) 

Long time no see

His eyes turned to her. He missed everything about her. 

We cannot express how we feel

Breath echoes in our ears 

The radio show staff all turned to them in surprise. 

My dear, you’ve already found a new love

She turned to him with her sparkling eyes. 

There is no one like you

I am cheating my heart

He sang while staring at her. She even missed the first beat of her part then smiled while looking at the music sheet in front of them. The bridge of the song came and the staff looked in awe at both of them.  

But you are not mine anymore

They stared at each other while singing those words. By the end of the song, Y/N’s voice was breaking so she stepped farther from the mic immediately. A smile escaped her lips when the host asked if she’s alright, apologizing that she ruined the song. Everyone were giving them compliments, fans commenting on how amazing they deliver the song and wishing that they can do a collab in the future. 

“Y/N,” Yuta called on the hallways of the building. He breathed hard while she just nodded at her manager, asking her to go first. “I…” He started but the words cannot come out of his mouth. I’m sorry. My ego got the worst of me. My insecurity caused our fall. I’m a wreck without you. Please come back to me. 

“Let’s not talk about it, Yuta.” She said while shaking her head. “We were immature. We’re so used to each other that we took each other for granted.” She grinned once again, eyes sparkling. Upon closer look, he figured out why. Her tears were forming. Like little pearls in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Yuta.” The words he cannot tell her. “Let’s be happy, hmm?” 

Yuta smiled, taking the hand she held out. “Can I call you when I am feeling miserable?” 

The girl laughed. “My number didn’t change.” She claimed. “And I still have to give you my thank message.” 

He pulled her close, wrapping her in his arms. “I missed you, Y/N.” 

------

Fans were delighted seeing Y/N and Yuta seated next to each other in the V-live account. A thing they always do every year on their anniversary. She was smiling, her lovely smile, while waving at the camera. Yuta adjusted the camera to capture them both before smiling his angelic smile. 

“I didn’t know your V-live account still works even if it isn’t used for a year.” She claimed, leaning in to read some comments. “I also didn’t know that there are still fans who come in this V-live account.” The number of watching people raised up that startled even Yuta. 

They both introduced themselves in a lively manner before the NCT member explained that they did this V-live as a thank you to fans who trended the song they sang in Japan. “I didn’t know that it would blow up like this.” He claimed and she nodded, even laughing at how embarrassing it is that her voice broke in the end. 

They started reading some comments about how fans missed them together, that they look together, and that their playfulness as a couple came back. “Are you back together?” Yuta read, pointing at the comment. 

“We’re not together together,” Y/N started then emphasized the last word with air quote marks. “We’re just…” She lightly glanced at him who was looking at her, mirroring the same smile she had. “Just patching things up and fixing ourselves.” Yuta continued for her. 

“Is there a possibility of a come back?” 

Y/N giggled before pointing at Yuta. “NCT is coming back with a new album. I’m preparing for a fall comeback.” The guy laughed at that. “Yuta, do you want to be featured in my album?” 

He nodded immediately. “Will you write me a love song?” 

She grinned, shaking her head playfully. “I’m not gonna write you a love song~” she sang before laughing. Yuta chuckled, poking her side playfully. “But we’ll see.” 

The fan asked what they had been up to. Y/N shared that she’s writing songs for her album and Yuta saying that he hangs out with the members often and the preparations for their comeback. “I’ve been hanging out with Jaehyun a lot.” he claimed, “I’ve been liking his music choices lately.” 

“You’re already done with your rocker state?” She asked, feigning a shock. “What song have you been listening to lately?” 

Yuta smiled, taking his phone out of his pocket. He played the song and Y/N smiled that there’s still a rockish feel on it.  (Song)

Oh, all my emotions feel like explosions when you are around

Yuta mouthed the words, trying to look for comments but his gaze was on her while jamming on the song. A smile crept his lips and he saw how one fan pointed out that he’s so in love with her. He is. 

“This song is so nice.” 

“Honestly, it kinda reminds me of you.”

He’s singing ‘She’s a, She’s a lady And I am just a boy’

He’s singing ‘She’s a, She’s a lady’ And I am just a line without a hook’

Oh baby, I am a wreck when I’m without you I need you here to stay

She looked surprised when Yuta sang the lines of the songs. The side of his lips curled up when he saw the sparkle back in her eyes. They talked a bit about what fans should watch out from their respective schedules. They said goodbye in a lively manner before Yuta ended the V-live. 

Y/N leaned on the couch, breathing heavily. She lightly glanced at Yuta and he smiled. “Want to get some sushi?” She nodded, grinning widely. 

Yuta cannot shake her off. Like a ghost, she will keep haunting him. And hopefully, she can come back to him. 

[dreamescapeswriting]

BTS Reaction || He Walks Out In A Fight [Request]

A/N: I tried to give them all different tropes/AU’s so that it could be different from my other works! I have a mixture of angsty endings and fluffy endings! Sorry guys no part 2 💞💕

SEOKJIN: (Non Idol Au)

Jin stared at you as you accused him of once again cheating on you, his phone was in your hand unlocked but he just stared at you. He knew for a fact that he had nothing to hide from you, that he would never cheat on you since you were the love of his life but no matter what you found a way to say he was cheating. Finding girls names in his contacts and not believing that they were people from work, messages from girls you'd never heard of before all messaging him and asking him questions about his day with flirty suggestive comments attached to them. 

"You have guys in your messages, do you see me kicking off like this?" He asked calmly as he stared at you, you shook your head at him. 

"I tell them I've got a boyfriend unlike you. You just thank them and then give them a compliment!" You yelled out, throwing his phone in his direction as he caught it, looking at the messages to a girl he was supposedly cheating on you with. "Ashley" a guy friend from work who he was going out for a drink with that weekend, 

"You're going out for a drink with her, so tell me. What's she like? Is she pretty?" Jin groaned as you continued to yell out questions about someone called Ashley who you were convinced was a girl when in actual reality he was the newest member of Jin's work. 

"She's a he and we're going to get drinks with work buddies. You're reading too much into this," He was starting to feel defeated as he stared at you but you shook your head. Adamant that he was cheating on you so you just stared at him. 

"It's fine if you want to sleep with other people Jin, I already slept with your best friend." Jin's mouth fell open as he stared at you dumbfounded that you would just openly admit to cheating on him when you had just been ranting and raving about him messaging someone else. 

"Un-fucking-believable," He grumbled as he began walking out of the house but you followed him over to his car, 

"Not nice when it's the other way around is it?!" You snapped as he got into the car and started up his engine, 

"The difference is Y/n, I never cheated." He drove out of the drive way and off into the night, going to stay at a friends place while he cleared his head from you.

YOONGI: (Reader is a Rich CEO)

There was no secret that your relationship with Yoongi wasn't always perfect, every small fight and debate between the two of you were splashed around the headlines since you were a famous CEO which meant cameras followed you everywhere you went. Including secret spending sprees when you told Yoongi that you had an important business meeting instead of a shopping spree. 

"I don't see the big deal with going shopping, it's my money." It was true that you could do whatever you wanted with your money but that wasn't what Yoongi was mad about. He was angry at the fact that you had once again lied to him about where you had been and it was starting to get on his nerves. 

"I've been at home waiting for you, the least you could have done was called." He snapped at you, making you roll your eyes as you shook your head at him.

"I'm too tired for this fight, can we just drop it?" You moaned as you sat down on the sofa waiting for this all to be over but Yoongi wasn't going to drop it this easily. 

"All you do is spend, spend, spend your money! Do you know the only thing you don't do? You never want to spend time with me. We could have had a nice day out but you never bother to!" You rolled your eyes standing up suddenly, 

"Do you have any idea how much of a bitch you sound right now?" The words flew out before you even had time to process what you were saying and Yoongi stared at you a little shocked, 

"You're just jealous because I earn more money than you'll ever make in four years. So yes! I went out and I spent money on myself because I fucking earned it! What's wrong? I didn't spend my money on you?" Yoongi grabbed his coat from the coat rack and you stormed after him, telling him not to walk out of the door or things would be over for good. 

"Great! Then I won't have to deal with you anymore," He yelled at you as you stared back at him just as shocked as he had been when you bought up the fact that you earned more money than him.  You knew it was his biggest insecurity while he was with you, all of the media portrayed him as a money-grabbing man and he was now sure that you felt the same way. 

"You're unbelievable," He told you before walking out of the door, shutting it behind him as he began his walk into the town not wanting to take the car that you'd bought for him.

The media was all over the breakup within days of it happening, everyone taking his side instead of yours as news broke out about what you had said to him in the midst of your fight. It was made clear that Yoongi wasn't going to go back to you even if you begged him to.

HOSEOK: (Non idol AU)

"We have to talk about this," Hoseok said as he stared at you, you were sitting across from him in your kitchen, a positive pregnancy test laid out in front of him as he glanced to and from it. 

"Talk about what?" You whispered as you looked back at Hoseok, you'd hoped when you told him you were pregnant you would be overcome with a wave of relief but you weren't, it only made you worry more and more about it. You'd gone through everything in your head, neither of you was ready to bring a child into the world. Neither of you earned enough to support three people and there was no way the tiny apartment you were living in would be big enough for you two and a growing child. 

"We're too young for this," You shook your head, sliding the test into the bin as you pulled out some papers on adoption, it was the one thing you'd had on your mind since finding out you were pregnant. 

"You want to give our baby away?" His question was laced with venom and you shook your head, 

"We could give a family a new start, someone that's been wanting kids for a while could finally have one." You tried to explain it but Hoseok wasn't listening to reason he began shaking his head, telling you that he wanted to keep the child with you and him. 

"We can be a family-"

"We aren't ready Hoseok! You still act like an immature child! We don't even own a place or car big enough to grow a family. Can't you see this is for the better," You had tears running down your cheeks but Hoseok was shaking his head, all he could hear was how you'd called him an immature child.

"I can provide for us all, I'll give us a good life-"

"I would love to keep them with you but With what? We don't earn enough, we're still too young for this Hobi." But he shook his head at you again, getting up and heading to the door. Further proving your point that he acted like a child whenever he could get his own way. 

"Just walk away like you always do," You mumbled as he slammed the door behind himself. 

A month later Hoseok showed up at your doorstep, flowers in hand with a box. 

"Is this your way of proposing?" You asked unimpressed as you stared at him, the two of you had only been in contact over text messages and neglected to bring up the pregnancy conversation with one another. This was the first time you'd seen him face to face since the fight. 

"Open the box." He sighed putting the flowers down on your counter and watching as you opened the box, frowning when you saw two sets of keys inside. 

"What's this?" You pulled them out and Hoseok smiled, 

"The first is the key to our new minivan and the second is the key to our new place...A house...Somewhere we can raise our little one together...If you want to." Your eyes lit up as you stared at Hoseok wondering how he'd gotten all of this in such a short amount of time.

"I've had the house for a while...I-I'd been doing it up and so I took some paid holidays and finished it. The car is on finance but with my promotion, we can do this." All you did was lean forward and kiss him deeply.

NAMJOON: (Mafia AU)

"Where have you been? I've been calling you all night long!" Namjoon called out as you walked through the door, all night? It wasn't even 5 pm yet. You dropped the bag you'd carried home from work and sighed as he rushed to your sighed, watching you closely. 

"I had a meeting, it ran late. I text you." You whined, hanging up your shoes and coat, not ready for the same long and boring speech that he always gave to you whenever you were late or not somewhere he could see you. 

"You could have gotten hurt, someone could have hurt you." He panicked, taking your face in his hands and turning it in different directions so he could see if you had been hurt or if you were even really you. Lately, he'd been more paranoid than usual and it was starting to bug you with the constant questioning about where you were every minute of every day. 

"I'm fine. I got a ride home with Jimin, Joonie I'm fine." You got out of his grasp and headed towards the kitchen, wanting to get a strong drink if you were going to have to go through the speech about you needing a guard around you. Namjoon was in business with the Mafia and he was dating you which meant you were a walking target, anybody could decide to grab you at any point in time but you didn't want a guard, you didn't want to be protected all of the time. 

"I don't need someone telling me when and where I can't do or go somewhere Namjoon!" You finally snapped as he brought up the idea of a guard once again. The glass was smashed onto the table as you slammed it down too hard and you let out a hiss as you saw some blood coming from a small cut. Namjoon instantly went into panic mode, grabbing onto you and trying to force you to go to the hospital but you backed away from him wanting to scream out. 

"You're so fucking overprotective! Leave me alone! I am fine!" You screamed as you finally reached your breaking point, Namjoon stared at you in silence as he waited to see if you were serious.

"I'm overprotective?"

"Yes! You never let me do anything, do you know how pathetic it is?!" That was all it took, he walked out of the house leaving you in complete silence and on your own as he went to clear his head. 

Namjoon came back to the house the next day to find you curled up in his bed wearing one of his shirts, tear stains down your face. 

"Babe?" He frowned as he walked over to you, dropping his keys onto the counter thinking something was wrong but as soon as you heard him you jumped up. Running over as you wrapped your arms around his neck, begging him not to leave you like that again.

"What happened?" He asked as he pulled away, holding your face as he looked into your eyes ready to kill whoever had hurt you but you shook your head. 

"I-I just realised why you're so protective...I-I should have been more considerate...Last night I couldn't eat or sleep because you weren't here," You began crying again but all he did was wrap his arms around you, kissing the top of your head whispering that he was never going to leave you again while you told him over and over again how sorry you were for what you had said to him.

JIMIN: (Vampire AU)

"I don't want you to spend time with him, why is that a problem?" Jimin questioned as he stared at you, you were staring back at him while shaking your head. 

"Because you're acting like a jealous teenager," You mumbled, folding your arms over your chest as you raised your eyebrows at your boyfriend who was being a jealous, overprotective and possessive boyfriend. 

"I am a teenager," You sprinted over to him with your vampiric speed and tilted your head to the side, 

"We're both 248 years old...How do you work that out," The two of you had been together for almost 222 years, both of you had changed into vampires when you were 26-years old after almost dying in a terrible accident. A doctor decided to change you both at the same time and took you in as his own, now you were acting as young as you could get away with. Ageing in different towns. Currently, you were portraying 18-years-old in a college together as a couple. 

"It's just a study session with Justin, he needs my help in biology," You reassured Jimin that there was nothing going on between you and Justin but Jimin didn't see it the way you did. He saw Justin as a threat, he was younger than both of you and human...What if you decided you wanted to be with Justin instead and changed him into one of you or worse. What if Justin found out what you were and threatened to expose you to everyone? Jimin's grip tightened on you and you stared at him, 

"I'll be fine," A car honked from outside the library and you looked out of the window, Justin was there waiting for you. 

"Don't go. You don't know him! He could hurt you," You rolled your eyes at Jimin before shaking your head, 

"You're so possessive and jealous, it's boring Jimin!" In all your years of being together, you'd never once called him boring or possessive or jealous and it hurt to know that's how you felt about him. As if you could see the dials turning in his head you tried to tell him you didn't mean it but he'd already run out of the building in the blink of an eye leaving you alone there.

Jimin could sense there was something wrong the second you walked through the door and it wasn't because you had blood on your shirt which he knew for a fact wasn't yours since you didn't bleed. 

"What happened?" He rushed to your side holding your face as you stared at him, 

"He knew. He knew about what we were...I-I had to take care of it," You mumbled as you dropped a bag down onto the floor, Jimin already knew what was inside from the smell of blood coming to his nose as he looked at it before looking back at you.

"I should have listened to you...You're always right," You mumbled as you told Jimin you both needed to get out of the city and fast since you didn't know if Justin had already told people what he knew or not. Luckily for you and Jimin it was just the two of you on the run, if you were with the rest of your family it would have been a lot harder.

TAEHYUNG: ( Friends with benefits trope)

It hadn't meant to come out this way, you and Taehyung were just supposed to be sex buddies but on what planet did that ever actually work out? None was the answer. It was a dumb idea to have if you thought it was ever going to work, 

"I told you I didn't want a relationship when we started this, what's the big deal?" You questioned as Taehyung began rushing around to find his clothes you'd torn off him earlier that night. He let out a tut as he shook his head disapprovingly at you, 

"I thought maybe you'd changed your mind, maybe you'd grown a heart and decided to let someone love you!" You rolled your eyes at him as if this was some sort of romantic movie or novel that would result in you loving one another. 

"We're friends! Nothing will change that," You tried to tell him but he just scoffed at you not wanting to listen to it all over again, 

"Last time I checked, friends don't fuck each other the way we do," You shook your head at him, 

"You're unbelievable! How could you think I would ever love you like that?!" The world seemed to stop moving and you were left staring at one another from across your bedroom floor. Taehyung's eyes were red as he started to cry but you didn't feel guilt. You told him from the start that you didn't want to deal with the emotions of being in a relationship, that what was going on between you was just sex. 

"Did you really just say that?" Tears rolled down his cheeks as he waited for you to answer him, 

"It's just sex. I don't like you like that," He nodded his head as he dressed himself, walking out of the apartment and slamming the door so hard your picture frame fell off the wall and smashed onto the floor leaving you to stare at it as he stormed off. 

Four months later you were walking around the mall with some friends when you bumped into Taehyung with a group of his friends, you locked eyes with one another and you didn't know if you should have waved or kept your head down but Taehyung answered it for you. Turning his face away from you and talking with the guys as though he hadn't even seen you standing there in front of him, you couldn't blame him after what you'd said to him though so you just kept walking, not looking over your shoulder.

JUNGKOOK: ( Idol x Reader)

You sighed as Jungkook continued to yell at you for going out when he specifically told you not to, it wasn't as though he was keeping you in the house all of the time or being overly protective of you. That weekend he had plans to spend the entire time with you, wanting to be alone for a while instead of with the boys or your friends but you'd snuck out the night before and didn't come back until the early hours. Still drunk as you stood across from Jungkook in the living room, 

"Can you stop yelling? I have a headache," You mumbled to him wanting nothing more than to head up to your bed and forget the night before even happened. 

"This was the first time we would have been alone together in a while, can you blame me for missing you?" Your back was turned to him so he didn't see you roll your eyes at the statement so you just walked up the stairs to the bedroom, falling down onto the mattress as you let out a huge sigh. 

"I just want to sleep," You moaned at him, rolling over so your head was buried between the pillows and the sunlight wasn't hurting your eyes anymore, 

"Didn't you miss me?" You stayed silent as Jungkook questioned you, walking back into the room with a sad expression written across his face. He figured you must have missed him as much as he missed you during the week, you hardly got to see one another thanks to his busy schedule at the studios. 

"It's just like when you go on tour. It's no big deal. I'm used to it," You drunkenly mumbled into the pillow, closing your eyes as you saw no problem with what you had said but to Jungkook it felt as though you'd taken his heart from his chest and stomped it into the ground. 

"You don't miss me? Do you even love me?" You let out a groan at his question, rolling over to face him. He had tears running down his cheeks as he stared at you, waiting for you to answer him he had fears running around his head at what you might say but nothing could have prepared him for it.

"Do you have any idea how fucking clingy you sound right now?" You grumbled before laying back down, staring at the ceiling while Jungkook stormed out of the room. Slamming the door behind him as he headed into the spare bedroom for the night, he'd heard enough from you. 

The next morning when you finally emerged from the bedroom you found Jungkook sitting in the living room eating lunch on his own, 

"Morning baby, what time did I come in?" You questioned tiredly as you sat down beside him, attempting to cuddle up beside him but he shifted away from your touch. 

"Babe?" You frowned looking at him as he continued to stare at the screen that had some old sit-com running instead of at you. You went to touch his arm but he got up, 

"I don't want to be too clingy for you." He snapped and that was when it hit you. Memories of the night before came flooding back to you as you groaned at him. 

"J-Jungkook, I didn't mean it, I was drunk-"

"Drunk words are sober thoughts," He snapped before heading into the kitchen to clean up but you weren't going to let him get away with that, you just rushed over to him. Wrapping your arms around him from behind and burying your face in his back, 

"I know you're going away s-soon...I was pushing you away so I wouldn't feel so hurt when you go on tour," You explained your backwards way of thinking and you felt Jungkook's body physically relax as he realised you weren't serious the night before. 

"It was dumb and I should have said something to you instead of just acting like a bitch," He nodded in agreement, letting you say everything you needed to say before the two of you spent the day with your hangover on the sofa together.

Tagline: @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @rjsmochii @taestannie @kneel-begyourpardon @innersooya @sweeneyblue1​ @sw33tnight​ @agustdjoon​ @jin-from-the-block​ @acciocriativity​ @that-anxious-bisexual​

[chocominnie]

One Last Time 04  —  Pjm. (M)

⇢ pairing: Jimin X Reader

⇢ Genre: Idol!Jimin, Exbf!Jimin, model!reader, sad au, fluff, tons of smut, angst

⇢ Synopsis: Your idol ex boyfriend Jimin cheated on you. You two have been broken up for a while now and the media has been keeping track of you and him. You’re trying to get over him, but the things that happen inbetween makes you re-think the entire breakup, and so does Jimin…

⇢ Song : xxxxx

⇢ Previous : 00 01 02 03

⇢ Word Count : 4.7k

⇢ Warnings: dominant jimin, makeout sessions, this is honestly a sad angsty au, cheating, pregnancy, unprotected and protected sex, a bunch of sex, no really a LOT of sexual themes too, I know I’m forgetting some but sorry in advance!

⇢ Copyright: please do NOT repost, translate, or modify my works in any way, shape or form, on any platform. If found doing so , it is considered as plagiarism and appropriate LEGAL action will be taken

⇢ Authors note: This is my mini series for the summer! Get your tissues, things to take your anger out on, and sit back and watch the drama unfold. Shall we begin?

Last night can’t get out of your mind. It’s not like you to do such a dumb thing. Kissing Jimin... you didn’t know what had gotten into you last night. The last thing you’d ever want to do is have someone go through the same thing you did with Jimin when he had cheated on you. Your mind raced all night thinking if that kiss, that one sole kiss, would make you the bad guy? Make this whole situation worse? 

Wrong.

Both of you were vulnerable and just not the same. Of course you’re still tender to the subject of and about him, and forever will have have a soft spot for Jimin. You didn’t expect that to happen though. 

‘‘ Yes.. Yes.. Okay.. I understand.”

You drone on for the millionth time today. Only 9 am and calls are making their way to you. You’ve been caught. Someone spotted you and Jimin last night walking to your apartment. Luckily the pictures were only garage scenes of you and him. Jimin’s head hanging low trailing a distance behind you while you hold your sore arm. Thankfully, by the looks of the new articles every damn hour, they think that you had hurt yourself and Jimin was supposedly there for you for comofort.

The fanpages are going to have a field day with that.

Your manager continues to lecture you about how this could start a scandal, how you should of been more careful, and finally that those words everyone has told you before. He wasn’t good to you, move on.

‘‘ Listen im just going to be with Ryan today and she’s bringing Jungkook. We are heading over to Ryan’s office to discuss things and what not.’‘ You sigh into the phone, wanting to hang up already.

Your manager on the other line is hesitant for you to go, but gives in once you say you’ll only be an hour in and out. That’s the only way you’ll get to go out today. Whenever small scandals like this brew up, the management company would make you stay low for the next three days. 

You both say your goodbyes and then hang up. Finally. Somewhere in the room Clara lets out one of her tiny meows making you smile to yourself. The day planned ahead is way more exciting than you worrying to yourself

‘‘ Baby please. I have to go’‘

Isabel smirks lowly while shaking her head. Jimin watches her intensively as her hands roam all around his now bare chest, that was covered with a shirt two minutes ago.

‘‘ Jimin, you and I both know that we haven’t had much time to ourselves lately.’‘

Her dainty fingertips trace over his forming abs one by one staring him straight in the eyes. He bites his lip hard just before letting out a useless groan with his head thrown back in the chair. It’s true. With all the celebrity show appearances they’ve had, the quality time together has been cut short.

He ries to pry her hands away from his jeans but it’s no use. “ I have to leave, Jungook wants me at Ryan’s office in twenty minutes.”

Her face turns into a pout, lifting her hands from his jeans.  ‘’ So he’s more important than your girlfriend?’’

‘‘ Well I mean he is my blood broth- Fuck!’’

It’ was quick enough to where he didn’t feel it coming. Before he knew it, his jeans were unbuttoned and her mouth glides across the imprint of his shaft hiding behind his boxers. “ We can stop and you can leave.. if you want..” She knows exactly what shes doing by making sure her voice is low and those round eyes meeting his. 

His groans only become louder when she takes a long, slow lick from the base to the tip. There’s no way on hell he’ll miss this opportunity to get some head. Jimin’s craving for sex has been high lately and with no time to recieve pleasure, he damn sure wasn’t gonna let up this offer. “ Fuck that. Keep going my love.”

Grabbing a fistful of Isabel’s hair, he yanks his boxers down revealing his thick, hard member hat springs up to his belly button. Isabel smirks at him just before taking the whole thing down her throat making Jimin moan out louder in pleasure. The sound of sucking, wet noises fill the studio’s ambiance.

Jimin watches her intensely while letting out low groans and growls as her bobbing head becomes quicker. This isn’t what he wants truly.  What he wants is you. You is who he wishes who’d be pleasuring him right now. The way you’d sometimes gag on him when his dick filled your mouth completely was something he’d always enjoyed seeing. The way your eyes water with him stuffed in your mouth but determined to go on was a major turn on for him. He wants you and only you. Right now in this moment Isabel doesn’t mean shit to him but you do. 

He can’t help but to lean back in his chair and close his eyes waiting to chase his high, all with the thoughts of you and your guises past sexual encounters turning him on even more with the lost track of time in the back of his mind.

You on the other hand, wait with Jungkook and Ryan who are getting a bit anxious waiting for the boy’s arrival. You of course didn’t want him to come. It’ll only make things more complicated than it is right now. Essentially you were going to leave when Jungkook said he’d be inviting Jimin.. yet again. 

Seeing as though when you were on your way to the office, you had glanced at the clouds and could see a big thunderstorm brewing. You’d rather not take your chances of being rained on while walking back to your apartment.

‘‘ Geez where is this guy? He’s always late ever since he’s been with Isa-”

A shove by Ryan shuts him right up before finishing his sentence. Ryan gives him a glare and a few utters of words to him before turning back to the giant window that gazes over the bright nightlife of Seoul.

One part of you wishes for Jimin not to actually show up but the other does. Just to see his face and reaction too you ever since yesterday. But just for the sake of it, you won’t bring it up. Play it off like it never happened.

‘‘ Was it really necessary for us to come at night? We couldn’t of just come during the day?’’ Jungkook says, walking over to her.

He snakes his arms around his waist placing gentle butterfly kisses around her neck. The reflection off the mirror shows her facial expression, a slight smile as they sway from side to side. A ping of happiness shoots through you at the sight of them. It reminds you of you and Jimin. That happiness quickly shuts down.

You smile to yourself, “Well i’m a model, Jungkook and his brother are idols, and you’re an upcoming fashion designer dating said Idol. ”

Jungkook clears his throat before placing his arm gently around Ryan, “ Yeah she’s MY girlfriend.’’ He says proudly. Ryan shakes her head while playfully rolling her eyes. 

You giggle along with her. It’s only been a short while since he’s asked her and he seems so happy and proud with her. Something you wish that Jimin wouldn’t have ruined for you two.

‘‘ Nobody knows we are dating and If paparazzi catches you coming to my office it’s going to stir up something rather it be little or not.’‘ Ryan sighs, sitting down next to you on the white couch.

Jungkook pauses to be silent for a second but continues on, “ That would happen regardless because paparazzi comes out at any time of day. We just so happen not to get caught.’’

Your frail hands begin to play with the sleeve of your shirt at the wrists. Something you do when anxious but trying to keep calm. You’re starting to get annoyed with this couple talk. You’re happy for them but rubbing it in is starting to hurt a bit. Where is he at?

‘‘ You know what im tired of waiting. If he comes he comes. If he doesn’t oh well we already knew he’s an asshole because of that girl now.” Ryan scoffs.

She folds her arms as she leans onto Jungkook who’s now sitting on the arm of the couch. He chuckles at her pouting and sudden anger just before giving her a kiss on the forehead.

You take in the sight of them. Two love birds that mean the world to each other. You wouldn’t dare want nor try to break them up. You knew Jungkook has been waiting for that moment to ask her. When he did on that day Ryan couldn’t of been even more happier.

And if as on cue, that familiar face comes in quietly with two large brown bags in his hands. You choose not to make eye contact with him when he stops infront of the couch, glancing at you.

‘‘ Im sorry im late. I bought food for us..” He pleads for forgiveness. If it was up to you then you wouldn’t have forgiven him. Hell, you still don’t want to forgive him for that act last night. Yet you can’t be a hypocrite because you’re just as guilty.

Jungkook takes the bags from him due to the way to familiar scent coming from them. Jajangmyeon. His favorite noodles of all time. A quick way to earn his forgiveness of anything.

‘‘ You are forgiven don’t let it happen again,”  He says, smiling ear to ear as he pulls out his serving of noodles.

Ryan hands you a pair of chopsticks and your serving of noodles. You thank her and look down at the bowl. If you did eat it that means you forgave him, if you didn’t that means you wont. Your mind doesn’t know which one to pick.

While everyone sits there talking amongst themselves you sit there with chopsticks in hand zoned out. You seen the hickies when he had came in. When he had tilted his head announcing his arrival, thats when you saw it peeking from under his scarf. that The dark bruises peaked up and back into hiding whenever he moved.

‘‘ You don’t like the noodles?” Jungkook says, taking a big bite of noodles then slurping them up.

Ryan gives you one of your guises code looks but you give one back to say you are fine. ‘’ Im sorry I was just zoned out.’’

You don’t engage on any of the conversation instead you sit there eating your noodles quietly until they’re gone. That is until the real reason why you are here is brought up.

‘‘ We are here because me and Jungkook have thought about you guys.” Ryan glances at the boy who’s now wiping his face free of sauce.

Great. When are people going to stop doing that though?

‘‘ Ryan come on now, I honestly don’t care. He’s happy with her and I am with myself. Im serious. Please stop thinking about things like this. Im happy can’t you see that! ‘‘ By this point you know you’re all worked up.

It isn’t the truth, but you just want everyone to stop worrying so you could move on. Bringing the whole situation up all the time is draining for you and you’d rather not be reminded of Jimin and what he does and how he’s doing.

Jimin keeps quite with a stare that’s intense on you. You stare right back at him with an emotionless expression. The both of your eyes never leave each-other but you knew it had hurt him. Saying that you’re fine but he knows you’re bothered a lot.

Jungkook sighs heavily, “Baby-Cheeks don’t get all upset now. We are just worried solely on you. Even Jimin is and we all came to an agreement to have this civil conversation right here and now because all of it needs to be addressed.”

You cock your head slightly to the side not leaving Jimin’s eyes. You knew for a fact that this entire conversation is his doing just by Jungkook saying that last sentence. 

“ I told you to stop worrying about me. I really meant it. I’m fine. I am F I N E .’’ You spell out the words, then shake your head clearly pissed off. 

‘‘ But you aren’t. You constantly lose focus and don’t talk as much. Im worried for you so much that it pains me to even see you like this.” Jimin bites his lips to prevent from breaking down. You know that expression all to well.

That still doesn’t mean he should be worrying about you. You two are no longer together and no matter how many times you scream it to the top of your lungs each time, nobody listens to you.

‘‘ I am fine. I promise you guys. I’ve just had a comeback and they set me on a strict diet for the next few months and I go to the gym more than I used to because that’s what us models do. Since I have been absent for a year now my break time is over. The reason I zone out is because I have a busy schedule and sleep is whenever I can get it so that makes me tired often. I am fine.”

Your explanation is partially true and you do feel bad for lying on some of the parts but knowing them they will keep doing whatever to make things right. It’s time for you and them to stop worrying about Jimin and your relationship with each other.

The group doesn’t say anything after that. You tried to keep the best serious tone you had to explain that to them. Luckily they fell through and believed it. All except Jimin.

‘‘ Now can we move on? Is everything okay now?”  You ask, looking at both Ryan and Jungkook. They both shake their head slowly still unsure of what to think.

‘‘ Well since that is over with, lets all take our leave yeah?” Ryan sighs, collecting everybody’s trash from the food. You nod your head and begin to help her while the boys go somewhere in the room to talk privately together.

You don’t care enough to want to know about what they’re saying. As long as they don’t bring anything of worriedness about you again then it’s okay. Soon after the room is all cleaned up you grab your coat and scarf. Jungkook grabs Ryan’s and helps her into hers, zipping it all the way up.

‘‘ My baby can’t catch a cold.” He giggles before placing a kiss on her forehead. Ryan turns a deep red in her cheeks as he continues to dress her properly for the snow outside.

‘‘ Can we talk privately again?’‘ A quite voice says behind you. You knew it all to well. But you don’t turn around at all while slipping your coat on.

‘‘ I’ve thought I made myself clear. I don’t need to say it again. Please just accept it.”  The maroon colored scarf is gently placed around you from behind.

You grab his hands to stop him but he’s quick enough to come in-front of you and begin to wrap it for you. “ You lied. You can fool them but not me.’’

You break his hands away from the scarf, making sure to glare at him before you storm out of the office. All of the pressure and just concern in general is getting to you. It’s not like you to get worked up to this point. You hate making scenes and you knew that when you left like that it’s going to spark more curiousness.

The heel of your black suede thigh high boots click down the hallway fast as tears feel the brim of your eyes. Why wont they just leave it be?

After taking the long way out and going down three flights of stairs from the emergency exit, you make it down to the lobby and out the rotating doors.

When you do you almost choke out a whimper at the sight at Jimin greeting Isabel with a hug in which she pulls him down to a deep passionate kiss while waiting in-front of his car.

He was just upstairs dressing you properly, but kissing on her a few minutes later. Typical Jimin.

You bite your lip hard enough for the taste of blood to fill your mouth to prevent from crying right then and there. You can’t show her any sign of weakness. This is what she wants you to do. Cry and breakdown in-front of her to gain victory. She can’t have it. She wont have it.

You slip your hands into the coat pockets and begin your journey down the street. Catching a taxi would be no use. The cold harsh wind mixing with the hard drops of rain feel euphoric but numb to you.

‘‘ What are you doing? You’ll catch a cold for walking in this type of weather!” A voice yells far from behind you.

You don’t bother to look back at him. You up your pace just by a little to get that voice far away from you as possible. He kissed you last night, but kissed her right infront of you. The lump in your throat is sore and your heart hurts with each step you take.  Is this how the game goes? It hurts. It hurts a lot. 

 The wind blows harsh and the rain blows on your face making your makeup wet but not smeared. The mascara running down your face doesn’t matter from your wet tears.

 The stop lights turn yellow, red, and then green a couple of times. You count the number of changes before walking past it. Three times total.

Yellow

Red

Green

then back again.

The thunder roars causing you to jump a bit, but you’re numb to any noise around you anyways. You sniffle repeatedly to stop your nose from running but why not just let it run? Why not just let everything go. Let yourself go. Yeah that sounds about right. Let yourself g-

The blackness of your vision is sudden. No chance to react when the sound disappears from it. To the ground your body goes, laying there in a puddle of water. Your eyes blink slowly when you wince in pain upon bringing your hand up to your head. Vision goes in and out, in and out. You can’t hear the disorted person above you screaming and shaking you just before blacking out again.

The look of horror on his face and adrenaline runs through his body as soon as your eyes close. He thinks it’s his fault. His fault for wanting to keep talking to you. His fault for kissing you last night. His fault for stressing you out to your limits for you to walk home instead of asking him for a ride.

Running his hand through his hair, he slowly picks up your limp body. He saw that fall, and that fall was hard. You slipped on a decent sized amount of a dirt and mud mixture from not paying attention. Tears roll down his eyes when he places you in the passenger seat to buckle your seatbelt where your chest rises up and down. A sign of life.

The ride to your house is hell for him. Constantly hitting the steering wheel out of anger from himself and crying loudly wishing for you to be fine and okay. The hospital wasn’t an option right now. If paparazzi saw him taking you in unconcious right after the small scandal, he’d be sure that he’d be on the news for the next two weeks for supposedly abusing you, which isn’t the case.

It doesn’t take him long to arrive, considering he was tokyo drifting through the streets of Seoul. Laying your body on your bed, he sees the bottom of your outfit is dirty with mud. At first he hesitates but keeping muddy clothes on you wouldn’t be right of him.

After picking out some sweatpants, he moves on to your hoodie collection and spots one in the back of the drawer folded into a ball. Jimin lets out a small laugh when he realizes its one of his. It must of ended up here in transit when packing from the old apartment.

Nevertheless, he decides it’s that one you’ll be wearing and not anyone of the others. When it comes time to undress you, he looks away when taking off your clothes and putting the new clothes on. He tucks you in when done, planting a small kiss on your forehead just before going to get an icepack for you to place it on your head.

The sound of cartoons playing in a distance wakes you up. Your eyes stir open until full view. The throbbing of your head makes you wince a little. You’re just as more confused as to when you made it into your apartment let alone your room.

‘‘ You’re awake?’‘

He places the icepack on the back of your head but when he goes to grab your hand to make you secure it, your heart skips a beat when his soft hand touches yours. It’s been a while since you last had his warm touch against yours. 

The thoughts in your head stops when he lets go of your now cold hand. ‘‘ Why are you here?”  You say, finally looking at him.

‘‘ You fell. You fell on a puddle of mud while crossing over to the next sidewalk.” He sighs, eyes staring at you with anger yet relief. Instead of fighting back for the sake of your throbbing head, you just look down.

Thats when you notice the new set of clothes on your body. You certainly weren’t wearing this hoodie before. In fact you knew for a fact that this particular hoodie was balled up in the back of your dresser drawer. It’s his. 

 “ You undressed me?” You yell, furrowing your eyebrows at him. You pull the cover closer up to your body out of embarassment but Jimin doesn’t care. He’s more worried about the fall than the undressing.

“ Do you fucking know how got damn worried I was?” Jimin walks over to you with his arms crossed and jaw clenching. You want to hide right about now. “You’re more worried about if I was a pervert or not but news flash, I didn’t even look at you while undressing you. I’m not the asshole you think I am.”  

Silence is golden.

‘‘ We all shouldn’t have been out there with a storm coming, but we came to the office for your sake. You keep putting yourself at risk, just stop!‘‘ He semi-yells at you. 

You know he’s correct but that doesn’t stop you from forming the lecture into an arguement.

‘‘ Risk? I don’t take risks unless necessary. I was just minding my business and walking home. I guess I wasn’t mindful for that the weather wasn’t suitable for walking. Thank you for tending to me.’’

The boy scoffs with a sarcastic smile on his face backing away from your bed. You close your eyes knowing you shouldn’t of said that. ‘‘ Wasn’t mindful? Really? Why can’t you just listen to me whenever I need you to?”

‘‘ You were with Isabel. I don’t have anything to do with your guys relationship at all. I didn’t want to seem like a threat to her. ‘‘

Jimin sighs and rubs his temples, ‘’ You know you’re hard headed right? Do you think I give a flying fuck if she was there or not? You health and you yourself are important to me. ‘’

Here we go again.

‘‘ I said don’t worr-’‘

Jimin raises up quickly with anger and sadness written all over his face, ‘’ I don’t care what you say. Fucking listen to me when I say so! I’m going to worry about you until the day I die and cannot breathe anymore! Accept it okay?’’ He semi- yells, chest heaving up and down fast.

You keep your eyes away from his. You knew it would happen. You knew he would blow up somehow today.

‘‘ Im not going to accept it. Want to know why? I’m not your girlfriend anymore. I have to accept the fact that you no longer are in a relationship with me Jimin. You need to too.’‘

Jimin sighs, pacing back in forth across the wooden floor while running his fingers through his hair repeatedly, “ I was hoping it wouldn’t have to be like this. I’m not letting it happen anymore. From now on I will be checking on you everyday. Understand?’’

‘‘ No I don-”

‘‘ Understand?’‘ He growls, head whipping towards your direction.

There it goes. Pissed off Jimin. The side of his dominance that he dares anyone to overpower.

‘‘ Jimin you cannot come he-”

He shoots you a glare wanting his question answered now. You bite your lip making sure to shut the fuck up at this point. Anything you say after you know would do damage. ‘‘ Do you. Fucking. Understand?’‘

You nod your head. When he becomes like this there isn’t any way to stop him or change his mind.

‘‘ Good. Im not leaving for the night.”

You furrow your eyebrows, “Woah Jimin. Okay that’s too far. That’s considered cheating on Isabel.”

‘‘ It’s not. Not if im not with her anymore.’‘

Your heart jumps at those words. Not with her anymore?

‘‘ You honestly didn’t have to break up with her for me.”

You know you’d honestly feel very bad, but not as bad because she honestly deserves it for being a homewrecker. Then again, what does that make you?

‘‘ We technically are on a break. Im planning to break up with her in a couple of days.” He says, turning the blaring hot heater that was turned on prior to you waking up, onto it’s low settings.

You decide that’s enough of questions and to just enjoy his company there while it lasts. Putting the cover back down, you pick up your phone from the nightstand. A few texts from your manager, a missed call from Ryan. By the looks of it they both don’t know what happened and that somehow relieves you. 

Looking back up at him, you notice him turned around about to take off his shirt. His back muscles are evident and flex whenever he moves. You miss those. The way they’d feel under your hands and nails when he used to be ontop of you giving you the best nights of your life.

You hadn’t known he had turned around because you’re too deep in thought recalling those nights. “ Im assuming you like what you see?”

So you’ve been caught. “ No. Put your shirt back on.” Its a lie but you can’t admit to daydreaming about him.

‘‘ Hush im just changing into new clothes.’‘

You watch him go to your bottom left dresser and it all clicks to you. Back when you both shared an apartment Jimin kept extra clothing for emergencies always in the left bottom drawer.

You don’t know why, but you felt that it was tradition to put his extra clothing inside the bottom left drawer when you moved into here. Jimin had left the box of emergency clothing, on accident, with you as the both of you moved out.

When things had arrived here and you started unpacking you had seen what was inside the box. Instead of calling him to retrieve it, you just placed them in the bottom left drawer of your dresser in case something had ever happened where he was in need.

And that scenario just so happened to play out today.

You close your eyes as he casually slips his pants off in front of you. You want to peak but choose not to. ‘‘ Why are you covering your eyes? You’ve seen all of me before.”

And you want to see it all again.

‘‘ Yeah whatever. Im sleepy.’‘

 You rub your eyes and let out a quite yawn. You can feel his eyes staring into you so you turn to face him while getting comfortable under the covers.

Jimin turns out the lights first and then the t.v. Pitch black just how you like it.

‘‘ I forgot how cute you can be.’‘ He shakes his head, pulling you closer to him to where you’re laying on his chest with his arms wrapped around you.

His heartbeat is relaxing to you. So relaxing that soon enough, the both of you are fast asleep tangled in each-others love.

Once again, you fell for his sweet-talking and little white lies. All because you want another chance, one last time.

[applerubyy]

Ciao Adios

Summary: When you find your boyfriend cheating on you yo decide to expose him in the pettiest way you can think of.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (some Loki x Reader if you squint)

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Cheating and cursing (I think that’s it?)

A/N: Hi! So this is my first time writing and posting anything here so if its terrible please tell me nicely :). This is some AU where everyone lives and all is happy ok? Also english is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any grammar or spelling mistakes. Anyway, if it turns out that some of you like it I think I’d be willing to do a part 2 if you like. Hope you enjoy it! <3. Btw, the gif is not mine so credit to whoever made it.

Crack. That’s the sound of your heart breaking, ripped to pieces in just a few seconds. And no, you were not exaggerating. Seeing your boyfriend kissing someone else while taking off their clothes would do that to a person. And in his office of all places.

How did you not see that coming? They had a lot in common and they did spend a lot of time together but you were just so naïve thinking that he was the most trust-worthy person ever that you looked the other way and believed him when he told you she was “just a friend”. 

Just a friend my ass you thought as you calmly walked to your room. No running, that would draw attention to you and you didn’t need that. No crying either, because once you started you wouldn’t be able to stop. Walking down the hallway and taking the elevator to your floor feels like it takes forever. 

Time is funny that way. It has that annoying tendency to slow down or speed up at the worst times. Like when you were in college and the clock seemed to literally stop, you would look at the time and it was 10:20 am and check again after what felt like half an hour for it to be 10:25 am. Or like when you are having fun with your friends at a club and you see it’s 12:30 but when you look again a few minutes later it’s 2:40. Right now it feels like the former, time seems to have slowed down. Maybe Dr. Strange did something to it? No, that’s stupid, he wouldn’t play with time that way.

Finally the elevator pings open and you rush to your room. Well, it’s not only your room anymore. You share it with him and everything is a reminder of what you just saw. The art supplies on the desk by the window, the famous shield leaning against the wall near the door, the messy bed where you sleep together every night …

And every single thing brings tears to your eyes until finally, the dam breaks and you let the tears fall down. You bring your hand to your mouth to muffle a sob that brings you to your knees. Crying is the only thing you can do right now because your brain is stuck on a loop. All you can see is Steve kissing her, unbuttoning her shirt with one hand while the other grabbed her ass. And all you can hear are their moans, Sharon’s whimper when he touched her and his groan as he did so. 

And now you are full on crying and choking on air because that scene keeps replaying itself over and over no matter how much you want it to stop. And you do, Gosh you do because there is so much your heart can take and this is too much. It shatters you in more ways than one. It makes you question everything you thought you knew about him, about her, about your relationship and about yourself.

You remember the first time you met him. You were already in college and looking for an internship. Luckily you happened to be the niece of the one and only Pepper Potts. And who wouldn’t want to work near Earth's mightiest heroes? You sure did. You were studying journalism and communications in New York and working with the Avengers was the ultimate dream, one that was about to come true.

Your first day was uneventful, it consisted mainly of coffee runs, delivering files and passing messages along. That was until your third coffee run where you ran straight into a wall, well actually it wasn’t a wall but it felt like it. The coffee spilled everywhere, on your clothes and his, and you were going to fall on your butt if it wasn’t for him grabbing your arms to steady you. Imagine your surprise when you looked up to see Captain America himself.

And that’s the moment your love story started. It seemed like something straight out of a romantic comedy and you loved it. It started with flirting, a date and then another, him asking you to be his girlfriend and finally asking you to move in once you graduated. It felt like a fairytale.

Tony wasn't very happy about you and the Capsicle but he saw how happy you were so he tried to be happy too. Tony was your uncle even if you didn’t share any blood. Growing up you would visit your aunty Pepper in New York and he was always around, you even stayed at his house when Pepper and him had to work. So, you two became really close even before he became Iron Man and started dating your aunt. 

The same thing happened with Rhody. Your close relationship with Tony meant you were close to him too, seeing as he was one of the most important people in his life. Rhody treated you like his niece and was the only one he didn’t make fun of which you took as the ultimate compliment. 

So those three you knew before you started working at the compound and before Steve. But once you started working there you met the rest of the Avengers. Being Pepper and Tony's niece and Steve's girlfriend meant they all wanted to get to know you. 

You met Bruce Banner, the Hulk, and you became really close. But that was thanks to his close relation with Tony and all the time you spent with him working on his social media presence to make sure people saw him as more than just the green monster who smashes things. After a while of working there they promoted you and now you manage the Avengers social media.

Nat and Wanda became your best friends from the moment you met. You just clicked and hung out as much as possible, being the only girls on the team meant they were really happy to have another female added to the mix. As for Vision, he liked you because Wanda did, simple as that.

Bucky and Sam were the funniest people ever, their constant bickering always brought a smile to your face and they welcomed you with open arms. Happy that their friend had finally found someone to be with.

Thor and Clint were like the fun uncles you got to see every once in a while. The God of Thunder was like an excited puppy and would hug you till you couldn’t breath every time he came to Earth and Clint would joke around with you and FaceTime you when he was with his kids because they loved you (“best babysitter ever” that called you).

You met Peter when he started working for your uncle. He was a sweet kid and your love of memes, vines and pop culture made you instant friends. He would ask you for advice on girls and tell you science jokes.

But we all know not all fairytales have a happy ending and this one definitely didn’t. You’re feeling so many things at once. There’s anger, sadness, jealousy and something else you can’t put your finger on. You keep crying and are unable to move from your kneeling position on the floor. Checking the clock you realize you’ve been on the floor crying for an hour so you stand up.

Taking a shower seems like the best thing to do, your head is pounding and your face is all puffy. As you shower it hits you, that other feeling swirling around is inevitability. In a way you always thought he was too good for you, you always thought he would eventually get tired of you and trade you for someone else. 

It just hurt too much that it was her, the woman he shared so much with. The niece of Peggy Carter, his first love. An agent of S. H. I. E. L. D.  Someone who risked their life for the world like he did. Someone prettier. Someone better than you.

Yeah, you were definitely on a self-pity party. But you needed to be miserable for a while, to cry it all out, to hurt so that you could move on to the next stage of grief: anger. And when that came, there was no stopping you.

You weren’t a mean person, or a petty one. You gave everyone countless opportunities and forgave way too easily so you never really got angry. But when you did, when you said enough is enough, yeah, you better watch out. That could be the meanest bitch you ever met and she had no mercy.

So you got out of the shower, dried yourself and started getting ready. Tony was throwing yet another party about who knows what and you were not missing it. You liked parties, they were the perfect excuse for wearing pretty dresses and putting on make up. And tonight you were going all out. 

Your inner bitch was concocting a plan and you were going with it.

You hear the door open and prepare yourself to put on the best acting of your life. You take a deep breath and in the sweetest voice you can muster say: “Steve is that you babe?”

“Yeah doll it’s me” you hear him say. A few second later he pops into the bedroom and gives you a peck on the lips as you continue with your makeup.

“How was your day?” Steve asks as he takes off his clothes, probably to take a shower. “I missed you today, i went by your office but you weren’t there” he says with a small frown between his eyes. You could stare at his blue eyes forever but snap out of it when you remember what he did. 

“Oh not much, i left work earlier to get ready for tonight” you answer. Shit your work. You really did leave like that, but after tonight hopefully they’ll understand. “You should start getting ready, the party starts in thirty minutes”.

He smiles at you and tells you he’s going to take a quick shower before getting dressed. He goes to the bathroom and you feel like breaking the mirror but instead take a few deep breaths and remind yourself he’s getting what he deserves later on. With that in mind you finish applying you makeup and smile at yourself, you look good. Moving on to your hair you decide to do some loose waves and that’s it, you really don’t know how to make those complicated updos.

Steve gets out of the shower and starts putting on his suit. Men really do have it easier you think to yourself when you see all the work you had to do and he just showers and that’s it.

You take your dress out of the closet and admire it. It really is beautiful. It has a deep plunging neckline that shows a lot of cleavage and is skin tight with a slit on one side. The fact that it is silver with sequins makes it even better. Pepper helped you pick this dress. 

You put on the dress and admire yourself in the mirror. You look good. Behind you, you hear a whistle and turn around to see Steve watching you lust in his eyes. He comes closer and grabs you by the waist, pulling you to him.

“You look stunning” he says as he wets his bottom lip. “I can’t wait to take it off of you when we get back”. Lying cheating bastard.

“Can't wait” you lie as you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him. This is just a kiss goodbye you tell yourself. One last kiss before he’s out of your life and probably runs to her. Tears threaten to fill your eyes but you hold them down. Not now.

You break the kiss when the need to breathe is too strong. Grabbing his hand you start walking towards the door and say: “Come on, we’re already late”.

——————————————————————————

The party had already started once you walk in and in true Tony fashion it is elegant and extravagant. Everyone is there: S. H. I. E. L. D. agents, the Avengers themselves, politicians and a few famous people. 

You and Steve walk to the bar and order drinks. A whiskey for him and a strawberry daiquiri for you, yes you are that basic but hey, it tastes awesome. He offers you his arm and with drinks in your hands you start looking for your friends. A lot of people stop you on the way, nobody wants to miss an opportunity to talk to Captain America.

One thing, or rather on person, catches your attention: Loki. He’s sitting on one of the cushions alone with a drink in his hand. It’s weird to see him there. Sure, he was redeeming himself for what he did in 2012 and Thor said he was doing better but he rarely left Asgard (he “hated mortals”) and when he did come to Earth it wasn’t for a party.

As if he could feel you staring he turns his head and locks his eyes with yours. You weren’t going to lie, he was gorgeous. He was incredibly tall, had those charming green eyes and was actually funny (but you’d never admit that to anyone). But you were in love with Steve and never saw him as anything more than Thor's hot brother. And everyone in the Avengers was hot so that’s not saying much.

You turn away from him and see Nat and Wanda on the dance floor and you tell Steve you’ll see him later and to go find his friends. He’ll need them after tonight you think to yourself. You greet the girls and start dancing with them, for a moment forgetting about what you saw today and putting Loki out of your mind.

The three of you decided to take a break and order some more drinks. Once at the bar Wanda orders for you and when your drinks arrive you go back to the dance floor. You spend the next few hours dancing, talking to your friends and pretending that nothing's wrong. Talking to Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong. Hugging Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong. Kissing Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong.

The fact that Sharon is at the party doesn’t help at all. When you see her talking or touching him you feel like you’re gonna lose it but you remain strong. You remind yourself of your plan and try to keep them out of your mind.

There’s a small stage at the far end of the room and you see your uncle Tony step on it and grab the microphone.

“Hello everyone and thank you for coming to another one of my amazing parties. I hope you are having a good time and taking advantage of the free bar over there” he points to the other side of the room and continues, “Now for what we have all been waiting for: karaoke! And yes, i want everyone to sing something because that’s the whole point of this. I'm looking at you Manchurian Candidate, you’re singing”.

With that he gets off the stage and passes the mic to Sam who decided to sing a Marvin Gaye song. He’s pretty good actually but you can’t fully concentrate on him because your mind is going a thousand miles an hour for what it’s going to happen later.

More people go up and sing their songs and you applaud when they’re done. Nobody is talking much, they're all too busy either laughing at the others performance, drinking or actually listening to the songs. You’re sitting with Steve to your right, Bruce to your left and the rest of the Avengers nearby. You’re your own little group.

It’s finally your turn and as you walk to the stage you can hear your friends whistling and cheering you on. Once you’re up on the stage you choose the song and start singing. 

Ask you once, ask you twice now

There's lipstick on your collar

You say she's just a friend now

Then why don't we call her?

So you wanna go home with someone

To do all the things you used to do to me

I swear, I know you do

Used to take me out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when I ring you up

Don't know where you are

'Til I hear her say your name

Used to sing along when you played guitar

That's a distant memory

Hope she treats you better than you treated me, ha

As you continue singing you get more and more confident and take the mic. You walk off the little stage and over to your friends while dancing and you can see them smiling, clapping and having fun. They have no idea how much i mean all of this you think. You look at Steve and he’s completely oblivious. Good, you want to take him by surprise. You arrive at your little circle of friends and start singing the chorus.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her

Kissing and having fun

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

Ciao adios, I'm done

Ciao adios, I'm done

You keep dancing and go back to back with Wanda who’s also singing along. You then turn to Nat and she grabs your hand and makes you do a little spin. 

After three, after four times

Why did I bother?

Tell me how many more times

Does it take to get smarter?

Don't need to deny the hurt and the lies

And all of the things you did to me

I swear, I know you did

And now you take her out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when she rings you up

She know where you are

But I know differently

Now she sings along when you play guitar

Making brand new memories

Hope you treat her better than you treated me

You go up to Tony and he starts dancing around you busting out some dad moves. You laugh and keep on singing and dancing.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her

Kissing and having fun

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done (I'm done)

Ciao adios, I'm done (no, no, no, no)

Ciao adios, I'm done

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

And now you take her out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when she rings you up

She know where you are

But I know differently

Now she sings along when you play guitar

Making brand new memories

Hope you treat her better than you treated me

You walk back to the stage as you sing and step up. You put the mic back into place and sing the last part of the song.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her (with her)

Kissing and having fun (and fun)

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done (I'm done)

Ciao adios, I'm done (you get on with your life, I'll get on with my life)

Ciao adios, I'm done

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

When you’re done people are clapping and cheering and you look to your friends to see them all smiling. You look at everyone and make a little mock bow and when you straighten you see Loki sitting on the same couch as before. But this time he’s looking at you and he’s laughing, not smiling and cheering but actually laughing.

You look back at your friends and say “Thank you, thank you” with a smile on your face. You continue , “I wanted to dedicate this song to my boyfriend Steve” you point at him.

“In case it wasn’t clear enough, i wanted to tell you that i saw you with Sharon”. You could hear a pin drop. No one was talking and all eyes were on you. This is what you wanted, to humiliate him as much as he did you. And what better way to do it than publicly? Oh but you weren’t done.

You could see Steve's face going pale and nobody knew where to look, if at you or at him. Tony look ready to murder him as did Rhody, Pepper, Peter and Bruce. Thor, Clint and Vision looked shocked. But Bucky, Sam, Nat and Wanda looked guilty.

Your heart breaks a little more when you realize they knew. You can’t really blame Bucky and Sam for not telling you, they were Steve's friends after all. But you thought the girls were your friends, that they would have told you. Apparently you overestimated that friendship.

You keep on smiling and continue “So… I’m breaking up with you. Hope she was a good fuck and wasn’t uncomfortable with the fact that you were once in love with her aunt”. You do a dramatic pause and make a little disgusted face. “Anyway, if I’m lucky i´ll never see you again. Have a great life!”

And with that, you walk off the stage and make your way to your friends. Steve is rooted to the spot and his face is red with embarrassment. You walk up to him, look him straight in the eye and give him an evil smile. He gulps and opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something and then closes it. He does is two more times and still nothing comes out.

You turn to your group and look at Wand and Nat, who can’t seem to be able to look you in the eye. You sigh and say: “Who want enemies when they can have you as their best friends right?”. They look up then and start talking. Telling you how sorry they are and to please forgive them. You raise your hand to silence them and they do.

You go to your aunt and uncle who look like there should be smoke coming out of their ears and say: “I’m gonna stay in a hotel for the night, can’t stand to be here anymore”. Tony scrunches his eyebrows and look at you like you’re crazy.

“Hell no. You’re staying here. We can find him another room to sleep in but you’re not leaving. If anyone’s leaving is Mr. Star-spangled over there” he practically screams the last part as he points at Steve.  

You take a deep breath and hug him. It takes him by surprise but he puts his arms around you. “I appreciate it uncle Tony but i can’t stay at the compound, it just hurts too much” you say as you let go. Turning to your aunt you hug her as well and say: “Thank you for everything but I quit”.

The moment those words leave your mouth everyone starts talking at the same time telling you how crazy you are and to think about it. You just smile at them and tell them you already made up your mind. “I'm gonna go pack a bag and ask Happy to take me to a hotel nearby. Please make sure he doesn’t follow” you say as you point to a still red-faced Captain America. 

With that you turn around and leave. The room is silent for a few seconds before you hear your friends all screaming at Steve. You look around for a second and notice that Loki is staring at you with a smirk on his face. When you look him in the eye he raises his glass at you ant takes a sip. 

You give him a small smile and walk through the doors towards the elevator.  

[mntalbrakdown]

brutal

sebastian stan x actress! reader

based on 'brutal- Olivia Rodrigo

mentions of: manipulation, angst, death if u squint

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 |part 7

A/N literally no one asked for this but idk this song on her album is my favorite and I thought it would be a good story. If you would like I could do one about happier. It’s just a thought.

masterlist!

"Oh my god, I am so insecure," you say to yourself, it took more than thirty minutes to lose the paparazzi that was following you, you finally arrived home, and then realized that was the last thing you wanted to do, you didn't want to be in bed. Because you knew you would spiral and than like every now and then you thought you would die young, like before you could drink, and then realized you are still here, alive and somewhat thriving (depending on the day people asked)

Before you started your car you got a notification, more like thousands of notifications, out of curiosity you opened your phone and saw a bunch of posts about your interaction with Sebastian today. You decided to take it to Twitter, you didn't really post there unless you truly thought it was serious, usually, it was about activism and upcoming projects you have coming up, so you thought it would be perfect,

I'm so caught up in the news, of who likes me and who hates you, and I'm so tired that I might quit my job, start a new life and they'd all be so disappointed because who am I, if not exploited?

You posted that and left your phone in the cup holder, and decided to head out of your driveway and into someplace else. Every now and then you heard buzz coming from your phone and you brushed it off thinking it was probably just people going crazy about what you had just posted.

While you were driving you thought of how annoying some people can be, especially older ones. Specifically, when someone says "enjoy your youth" you might just cry on the spot, it was the most annoying thing someone can ever say because you cant enjoy your youth when everyone is looking and praying that you do something stupid. Almost as if the media was a lion and you were their prey, they were ready to pounce at any given moment they got. That's why you never stood up for yourself because they will take it and twist your words so it looks like you meant something you didn't. And you were anxious and nothing could help, and you wished you have done this before, having a public breakup was the worst thing you were going through, and you wished people liked you more, people were favoriting Sebastian, saying you cheated and how you never deserved him. All you try to do is your best, and this was the kind of thanks you get? It surprises you nonetheless.

Anyone who saw you from the outside probably thought you were upset and don't want to be bothered but really on the inside there is so many emotions going on, the way you think is faster than the speed limit you're going, Your brain works fast, not leaving it blank, ever. They say these are the golden years, but you wish you could disappear. Ego crush is so severe. God, it's brutal out here. You thought rolling your eyes when you got the fifth red light in a row, you don't even know where you were going.

You looked around you and saw you were in malibu, maybe the beach could help your mind, Don't get it wrong, you would never be caught dead at the beach, but the feeling of just taking your shoes off and walking on the sand seems peaceful enough.

You found a parking spot (which took an eternity) and took your phone with some headphones, and sunglasses because of how bright the sun was. You were so alone, yes maybe you had a boyfriend at the time, and he was the nicest person ever, but there is no spark there, nothing exciting, maybe it's because no one likes you, you were a terrible person, maybe the press was correct. Maybe you just hated the way the press perceived you and it was manipulating you as well. I mean you really only have two real friends you, maybe you should go to them, but all your thoughts vanished when you heard your name being called out, a familiar voice coming.

"Leave me alone!" you say facing the person

"Oh, come on sweets, you know you still love me," he says making you face him.

"Stop you're making me blush," you say sarcastically

"How are you doing?" he asks

"We just had coffee together, are you really asking that?" you said scoffing. "The way that turned out, I am a nervous wreck," you say getting your sunglasses and folding them so you can see Sebastian more clearly.

"What? why?" he asks

"Do you really want to hear the long list" he nods "Because I love people I don't like, and I hate everything I do, I'm not cool, and I'm not smart and I can't even parallel park" you end off with a half-hearted chuckle. you say sitting on the sand looking at the ocean. Sebastian following swiftly. He looks at you, almost apologetically for making you out to be the bad guy.

"All I did was try my best," You say meeting his eyes."And this the kind of thanks I get?" you laugh again you couldn't believe what your life has become.

"Unrelentlessly upset?" Sebastian asks and you nod looking away from him because of how attractive he looks, you couldn't do it to your boyfriend, and you definitely can't do it to yourself.

"They say these are the golden years, but I wish I could disappear," you say almost as if you were talking to the ocean.

"Ego crush is so severe," he says

"God, it's brutal out here," you say facing him and you both laugh in union. This is the Sebastian that you fell in love, not the one who plays mind games, the one you can have fun with.

"yeah," he says with a grin

"Now I'm just having a good time," you said.

That was a few days ago and since then you broke up with your recent boyfriend because you realized you jumped into things really quick and they understood. Today you had to go to an interview and speak on what is going on in your life.

"Just havin' a really good time," You say to the interviewer with the fakest smile plastered on your face.

"Y/N, really, what is going on? No filter" the interviewer asks and that's when you just break down.

"God, I don't even know where to start, I have a broken ego and a broken heart, yeah it’s brutal out here”and that's when you started to bawl your eyes out. No crocodile tears, a full-on river. Sebastian on the other end of his device saw how broken you looked and he immediately froze. “Yeah it’s brutal out here” he says.

[escapewithbts]

Reassurance - Taehyung

Author’s note/warnings(?): insecure y/n, so much angst, tbh Tae is kind of a moody dick(sorry), they still have things to work out at the end let’s be real

———————————————

You returned home from the grocery store and opened the apartment door to find Taehyung sitting on the couch scrolling through his phone. His long black hair was tousled messily upon his head, the curls of his bangs falling into his eyes. He was wearing brown cardigan over a plain white t shirt that was tucked into a pair of olive colored trousers.

   “Hey Tae? Will you please help me put the groceries away?” you called to him as you set the bags on the kitchen counters.

You received no response so you walked into the living room where he was still looking at his phone.

He hadn’t said one word to you.

   “Taehyung,” you said.

His dark eyes looked up at you, his expression blank.

Oh how you missed his smile.

   “Will you please help me?” you asked again calmly.

He sighed and rose up from the couch,

“Yeah, but I gotta go in a few minutes.”

You cocked your head.

   “Where are you going?”

He brushed passed you and replied with a simple, “Out.”

This was how most of your conversations had been lately and you hated it. So short. So empty. You didn’t even remember how it was before. Now he made it seem like talking to you was a chore.

You followed him into the kitchen.

   “Out? Where out?” you questioned gently.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes.

   “Why do you have to know everything, (y/n)?”

You winced. His words stung.

Your mouth went dry and you could feel tears welling up.

   “I just would like to know where my boyfriend is going… People tell each other those kind of things when they’re in a relationship,” you muttered.

He started rummaging through the bags and putting things in the refrigerator.

   “Are you hanging out with Seoyeon?” you asked quietly, looking down at your hands.

He turned to you and sighed.

   “If you must know, yes.”

Those words stung even more and you felt your heart ache.

Seoyeon was an actress who Taehyung had met through a mutual friend. She was beautiful; thick black hair, big eyes, plump lips, long legs, pale skin and a thin waist… basically everything you weren’t. You didn’t mind Taehyung having friends that were female, you trusted him, but with the way things had been between you two lately you couldn’t help but feel insecure. They often got photographed together and you had to admit she brought out Taehyung’s handsomeness even more. Two beautiful people who belonged together.

Your hands started shaking and your throat felt tight.

   “You hang out with her more than your actual girlfriend,” you said, your voice slightly raised.

He stopped putting the cucumbers in the vegetable drawer and turned to face you.

   “We’re friends, (y/n). And you know why I hang out with her. It’s for publicity. This way I stay relevant and- you know what, no, I don’t have to explain this to you every goddamn day,” he slammed the drawer shut.

You winced again at his outburst. You hated seeing Taehyung mad more than anything. But it was almost getting to be too much. You didn’t like hanging around in the shadows. You didn’t like the rumors of them being romantically linked all over the tabloids. You were worried all the time; and you wished the world could know you were his.

   “Tae, I’m sorry, I just want to be able to have a normal relationship with you. I want to go out on dates and hold hands in public. I don’t care about the media or paparazzi. I just don’t want the world thinking you’re with someone else…” you trailed off as the tears slowly started to fall.

  Your whole body was shaking and you felt small. Nothing made you feel worse than conflict with Taehyung.

He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. then covered his face as he shook his head.

   “I’m not going to have this conversation with you again, (y/n),” he responded, grabbing his keys from the counter.

He walked out of the kitchen to the front door. You followed.

   “Tae, please,” you croaked wiping the tears from your face, “you can’t just walk away all the time. Can’t we fix this?”

He opened the door and turned back to you.

“You don’t understand or listen when I tell you why I do this and that there’s nothing going on between me and her. I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m tired of it, (y/n).”

More tears fell.

   “Are you tired of me? Do you want me to go?”

He looked down at his keys and fiddled with them.

His silence was all the answer you needed.

Your heart sank and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. The tears came down even harder.

You turned to walk away from him. You couldn’t look at him and you couldn’t keep this conversation going anymore.

   “(y/n)…” he called softly after you.

The word carried more sympathetic emotion in his voice than any had in weeks.

   “Jesus Tae, just go,” you sobbed, “Please.”

He sighed and didn’t move for what felt like eternity but must have only been a few seconds.

Finally you heard his footsteps get farther away and the front door close behind him.

You opened your eyes to a completely dark apartment, the only light coming from the floor to ceiling windows that looked over the city of Seoul.

You searched for you phone that had fallen between the couch cushions.

No missed calls.

No texts.

Nothing.

You sat up and rubbed you aching eyes.

It had been 5 hours since Taehyung left and you hadn’t heard from him since.

You got up from the sofa and walked over to the window, looking out into the beautiful early Summer night.

Were Taehyung and you breaking up for good? Where would you go if you had to leave?

The questions made your heart ache as you looked out at the city that you never hesitated to call your home. You had been here for 8 months now, when Taehyung and you decided to move in together. It had all been perfect, until 2 months ago when Taehyung was introduced to Seoyeon. It didn’t bother you at first, but when he actually started to hang out with her all the time you despised it. It was like he was living this whole other life and you weren’t in it.

All of a sudden your phone started buzzing, and for a split second you hoped it was him.

“Kookie” was the name on the screen, with a picture of Jungkook making a silly face underneath.

Was he calling because he had talked to Taehyung? Did you really want to talk to Jungkook right now? He was definitely the member of the band other than Taehyung you were closest to. And him being one of Taehyung’s best friend, too, many times he was the middle ground in your relationship.

You touched the green accept button and held the phone to your ear.

   “Kook?” you said in a raspy tone.

You forgot it had been hours since you last spoke.

   “(y/n)? You there?” You could hear the concern in his voice.

   “I’m here,” you croaked.

   “I heard what happened.”

You stayed quiet.

“I’m going to give the same speech to you that I did to Taehyungie, okay?”

You sighed, slightly annoyed that this was suddenly everyone else’s business.

Jungkook continued.

   “Look, I don’t know what has been going on these past few weeks but I DO know that you and Taehyung-ah are perfect for each other. I have never seen such a better couple. All of us want what you guys have. (y/n), we all love you, and hyung loves you. We don’t want you to go anywhere… Okay?”

Tears started falling from your eyes as you cried softly into the phone.

   “Oh no, I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry, I am just trying to help,” Jungkook said, “I don’t want either of you to do something stupid.”

   “I’m s-scared, Kook,” you finally choked out between sobs, “I think he wants me to leave.”

You could almost hear Jungkook rolling his eyes on the other end.

   “He does not, (y/n), come on. You’re the best thing he’s ever had, and he knows that.”

You inhaled a deep breath.

   “I think it’s different this time,” you replied quietly.

Suddenly you heard the front door open and footsteps coming towards you. You turned on the light next to the couch and was met with Taehyung standing at the opposite end of the living room.

   “Hey, Kook, I have to go, Taehyung is home.”

   “Do whatever you can to fix this! I’m serious!” you hear Jungkook say as you end the call.

Taehyung and you just stared at each other. His face was puffy and you noticed his eyes were bloodshot.

He ran a hand through his messy hair and took a deep breath.

Your heart pounded as you waited for him to speak.

   “I was so afraid you had left,” he finally said gently, looking you directly in the eyes.

You shook your head and bit your bottom lip, trying not to cry again.

   “I didn’t hang out with her today. I couldn’t. All I did was drive around for hours and hours thinking. I wasted almost a whole tank of gas…” he trailed off, looking down at the floor.

He placed his hand on his forehead and pushed his bangs back, trying to think of what to say. He sighed and stepped toward you.

  “I’m just so sorry, (y/n). I’ve been so horrible to you lately. I see that now. There’s no excuse, but please know I’m sorry.”

   “Tae..” you squeaked out through falling tears.

   He stepped closer to you and you noticed fresh tears welling up in his eyes,

“Truly, I am. For everything. For being such a shit boyfriend recently. For being a complete ass to you. I don’t know how you have put up with it but I’m so glad you have. All of this tore you away from me, the most important person in my life, and I hate myself for doing this to you. I would never hurt you, never cheat on you, but it wasn’t fair of me to not give you the reassurances you needed. You deserve someone so much better than me and-“

You cut him off by wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him close. He immediately put his arms around your waist and held you tight. You inhaled with your face in his neck, where the smell of his familiar cologne was always strongest.

   “My (y/n)…” he whispered in your ear as he ran his hand through your hair.

You looked up at his smiling face, tears gently streaming down his cheeks.

   “I missed you so much. I missed us so much,” you said to him softly while tangling your fingers in his thick curls.

He didn’t waste a second more. His lips met yours in a passionate kiss. It felt so overdue yet so familiar. You had forgotten how addicting his  taste was, how in sync your mouths always seemed to be.

He pulled away briefly to utter the words you always longed to hear,

   “I love you, (y/n),” he kissed you again, “I’ll always love you.”

*

Masterlist

[binniedeactivated]

txt reactions. ||  👾👾

them using your insecurity against you in a fight..(pt.2)

a/n; I’m so sorry I waited so long but I finally did a part 2 to this. enjoy!!

soobin ; you stood back, stunned. the way he said it-- as casual as if he were telling you what to get from the grocery store or something. it didn’t take long for him to notice that you were no longer walking down the hallway with him. you were still standing in place. you didn’t know what gotten into him today but you can definitely say all the excitement you had for the carnival was long gone. “what did you say?”. you croak after the moment of silence between the heated gazes you both shared at opposites sides of the hallway. “you’re gaining weight”. he repeated blankly. anger boiled through your veins. you clench your fists. “why the hell would you say something like that soobin?”. 

“why wouldn’t I? you’re over here getting dressed up and shit. all of this makeup caked on your face just so you can go see yeonjun. you never wear any of this shit for me. you don’t do any of this for me”. 

“is that what this is about? you think I’m excited to see yeonjun? soobin I did all of this for you. It’s been a long time since the both of us went out. I couldn’t wait to spend the day with you. are you kidding me right now?”. 

soobin’s heart dropped at your words. he swallowed with guilt eating him alive. he toyed with his fingers while his eyes filled with sorrow.

“and for you to sit here and make fun of something you know I’m insecure about..that’s low. really low. fuck you. I don’t want to go to that stupid carnival anymore”. 

you turned on your heels to walk away trying to hide your tears from soobin. you didn’t want him to know you were hurt by his comment. you wanted him to get the hell away from you if anything.

“babe I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I was just angry I thought you were trying to show off for yeon--”. 

“and why would I do that when I’m with you? If I wanted yeonjun don’t you think I’d be his girlfriend instead of yours? I really don’t want to talk to you right now. just leave me alone”. you mutter before shutting your apartment door.

he immediately follows you there but ends up knocking instead since you locked him out. he was knocking on the door for nearly 20 minutes while you were too busy crying. you were at the point in your life when you were finally being comfortable with yourself for a change. thanks to your boyfriend, your hard work went to waste. “can you please open the door? I’m sorry”. you sniffle, “you’re not sorry. you meant what you said. what was the point of that soobin? you’re tall and naturally really skinny I’m sorry I can’t be like that. and for you to make me feel bad about my body? this has to be one of the worst things you’ve ever done”.“I was just jealous okay? I didn’t mean it I swear”. “you’re a liar”. “no really, I didn’t mean it”. he pleads. “then why would you say it? and why would you say it like that? like I disgust you or something? I haven’t been in control of my weight because you made me happy about how I was. now I’m having doubts”. “don’t have doubts baby you’re perfect I’m just a piece of shit sometimes. I’m the insecure one here”. “whatever. just go away soobin”. he sighs in defeat. “babe? you remember that time we all went shopping together? me and the boys and you were hanging with their girlfriends”. “what about it?”. “and remember you tried on that tight dress but got cold feet because you didn’t know what the other girls would think since they’re much smaller?”. “yes”. “and I went into the dressing room and made you come out of there and show everyone how you looked because you looked so gorgeous to me? you’ll always look gorgeous to me. I meant that. I don’t care how much you weigh at all. it never bothered me and if it did I wouldn’t be with you. I just get jealous that someone someday is going to take my little thick princess away from me. I get scared that they’ll appreciate your curves more than I ever could”.

you sniffled again. hoping that this would be the first and last time he said something this hurtful to you because you wanted to forgive him. “I love you so much. I don’t know what I was thinking saying any of that to you. and until you open this door, i’m going to go buy the tightest clothes I can find just to show you off in them all”. he laughs knowing it would win you over and it did. you pulled open the door and stood to the tips of your toes to hug him. “I love you too. don’t say anything like that again”.

yeonjun ; you stormed out of the bedroom now into the bathroom where he was. “are you serious jun?!”. you say angrily knocking over the toothbrush holder. “that’s what the fuck you do?! that’s what you say?!”. 

“no but if you keep assuming shit it’s what i’m going to start doing. I told you I wasn’t looking at anyone else!”. 

“it doesn’t even matter anymore! they look better than me huh?! you probably meant that didn’t you?”.

he bit his lips realizing what he just did. “I didn’t mean to say that. you just get me so angry sometimes I feel like I have to say shit just to hurt your feelings and shut you up”. 

“so you saying that those women look better than me is just something to shut me up?! everyone knows when you’re in a fit of rage you say what you really feel. and if they look better than me why don’t you go be with them then?!”. 

“because I don’t want to be with them! I want to be with you and everyone knows that but you. you’re so fucking insecure sometimes it pisses me off”. 

“maybe I wouldn’t be so insecure if I had someone who made me feel like I belong to them”. 

“so all of this is on me? you get mad at your own assumptions and blame it all on me?!”. 

“yes it’s your fucking fault yeonjun. I’m tired of talking about it. I’m leaving if that’s how you really feel”. 

“you know what?”. he says with frustration in his tone. but by then you were already halfway to the bedroom planning on packing your things and leaving. 

“leave me alone!”. you yell. he does nothing but follows you. “no! you know what?”. he repeats. he finally grabs your wrists in an attempt to force your gaze on him. but you did everything but that. “look at me”. he breathed. “no”.

“i said look at me”. your eyes flared up into his, waiting for whatever he was about to say. 

“none of this is about me. it’s not. it’s about you. you love me so much you think every girl out there sees what you see in me. you make up shit in your head and go off on assumptions that aren’t true and that’s not fair to me. I’m sorry for what I said. alright? that was an asshole move and I shouldn’t be talking to you like that. If i meant it I’d be trying to get with all of those girls right now but I’m not. I’m here with you trying to work shit out. I love you okay?”.

beomgyu ; you sit back wondering where you went wrong in all of this. you thought everything was damn near perfect. the hair, the lingerie. even the night was perfect. he’d just gotten off of work and he was really stressed. this surely could’ve calmed him down a bit. couldn’t it? 

“then who is sexually desirable to you beomgyu?”. you say more calmly than you rehearsed it in your head. 

“forget about it. I’m going to sleep”. he says rolling over underneath the blankets. you bit the inside of your cheeks. 

“have you been cheating on me?”. 

“no I haven’t”. 

“if I’m not what you want then who do you want?”. 

“why do you keep going on about this?”. 

“how can’t I? you just said you don’t want me sexually. after I picked out this lingerie for you. got dressed for you. waited until you got home just so I could surprise you. that’s heartbreaking and you expect me to forget about it?”. 

“you know what’s heartbreaking?”. 

“what? please tell me”. 

“feeling like you’re own girlfriend doesn’t love you anymore”.

you blink. “gyu? what are you talking about”.

“you give everyone attention but me it’s like I’m not even here anymore. you’re always out with your friends. always out partying or going somewhere I wasn’t invited. even if we’re spending time together you can’t last one minute away from your phone, you’re always on social media dressing sexy and seeking validation for what? Am I not enough for you? When will I ever be enough for you?”.

“beomgyu--”.

“and if you spend all of this time away from me how will you ever be able to turn me on? we haven’t had sex in months. If I can’t feel you emotionally how will I ever feel you physically?”. 

you sigh at his words with your heart wrenching at his pain. you hadn’t noticed any of this. you thought you were just living life but you haven’t thought about how negatively it was affecting your relationship.

“i’m sorry gyu. I didn’t notice I was doing all of that. I’m sorry for making you feel like you’re not enough for me”. he breathes with his eyes still glaring in the opposite direction. “I didn’t mean to say it like that. it’s not that I think you’re not sexy but I have feelings too. I want you in every possible way. not just sex. okay?”. 

you lean over hugging and kissing his cheeks. he was so cute when he was mad, his little pouty lips and puppy dog eyes. “from now on you will have my undivided attention. I love you”.

taehyun ; he looked so smug you hated it. you hated it entirely. 

“fuck you you’re an asshole. and I hope you know that making fun of your girlfriend for her size isn’t something you should be this proud about. it makes you look like an ass”. you say while grabbing your things. you didn’t plan on being there much longer if that was how he was going to be speaking to you. 

“where are you going?”.

“I’m leaving your stupid ass. you think you’re about to belittle me and I’m going to stay here kissing your ass?”. you throw your purse over your shoulder and head to the door. he clutches your arm but you snatch it back. 

“don’t touch me. you can have any girl you want right? because you’re so cute and you just have it all figured out? you shouldn’t be chasing me”. 

he glares down at you with a somber expression realizing what he did. he was about to lose you and he didn’t want that. 

he clenches his jaw. “fine. I was wrong”. 

you roll your eyes. “I know you were”. you quip before continuing on your journey. he pulls you back harder. “I wasn’t done speaking”. 

“I’m supposed to respect you now after you just said all that to me?”. 

“we’re both petty alright? we both always argue about how much better each of us could’ve done. how I could’ve gotten a better woman and how you could’ve gotten a better man. but truth be told we’re perfect for each other. I can’t see myself with anyone else and I don’t want to lose you over some ego”. 

“if you didn’t want to lose me you shouldn’t have insulted me like that”.

“you’re right and I’m an ass. that shit was uncalled for.  I can’t stand to think of you with someone else and I just wanted to tear you down enough so you wouldn’t go to anyone else and that was fucked up of me. your body isn’t what makes you a woman and since I’m a man, I shoudn’t be judging what makes you a woman. only you can do that. but you’re woman enough for me and you always were”. 

you sigh staring at the sincerity in his pearly eyes. you pointed your finger in his face, “one day I’m going to slap the shit out of you”. he chuckles with his face just centimeters from yours. you playfully grab his jaw and force his attention on you. 

“I’m serious you need to watch your mouth sometimes”. he nods, staring at your lips. “I’m sorry. you can slap me now if you want”. 

you suck your teeth and kiss him instead. “I hate you taehyun”. 

“I hate you too”.

heuning kai ; you looked at him with a dumbfounded expression, surprised that he even took it there.

“is it always about money with you?! because if so I can always leave and you can go date the rich girl you’ve always wanted. I’m sick of arguing about money with you”. 

“i never said I wanted a rich girl”. 

“you’re sure as hell acting like it. you knew ever since I lost my job I’ve been struggling to find a new one and struggling to help pay for things. why are you getting on me about that?”. 

“why are you always trying be in control of everything? no matter what it is you always want to have the last say”. 

“I don’t control everything. and just because I don’t pay for everything in this house I don’t have a say in anything? we share this space together and you need to respect me just as much as I respect you”. 

he paused for a swift moment, “I do respect you”. 

“no the hell you don’t. especially when you use something I’m insecure about just to have your way. Do i put a price tag on everything that I pay for and tag it as mine? no. we share it together. so why are you doing that?”. 

he paused yet again but you didn’t give him a chance to speak once you got the clue. 

“what is it kai? why are you acting like this? what do you want? some control?”.

he breathes, “I’ll admit yes I used your insecurity against you just to get my way. but that’s only because I never get my way. it’s always about what you want and it’s always about what you say. whenever I try to say something you always downplay it. why do you do that? why do you downsize and berate me like that? “. 

“I don’t downsize you kai”. 

“yes you do you always treat me like I’m some kid. I don’t like that”. 

looking at how stressed he was it was easy to see that you’d been doing things that was affecting him horribly. and it was also easy to see that the both of you clearly had things you needed to work out and it all came spilling out badly. 

“alright we haven’t been effectively communicating. that’s our problem. I don’t like when you mention my financial struggles in anything. it’s hurtful and it’s not going to do anything but make me despise you. I want you to stop that”. 

“and I don’t want you to keep babying me anymore. I wanted to be treated how you treat everyone else. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings like that”. 

“I’m sorry for doing that to you. I just love you a lot and I want the best for you”. 

he pouts his lips while he approaches you, snuggling his head into your chest. you grin, “how can you expect me not to baby you when you do stuff like this?”. 

“baby me only when I’m feeling vulnerable. i’ll stop mentioning price tags. everything in this house is stuff that we own together”. 

you move his hair aside and kiss him on his forehead. “good”.

“except for my nintendo switch”. he utters.

[lilacwineandthesinkingsun]

Always feels like Summer

AN. - I really want to take this slow. When / If giving feedback please note that i wrote this to deal with my problems in my life. This writing doesn't made with the purpose of entertaining, i just simply post it on here. However i welcome any HUMANLY told feedback. If you do not like it, or you couldn't say what you want to say without being hurtful, then please just scroll past this. Nor me, nor you would benefit from attacking anyone. I do not consider myself as a snowflake, but words have weight, and i will not tolerate attacking my integrity or anything just for the sake of it. Just so you can hurt somebody.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

Pairing: none yet but we'll see

Warnings: cheating, family issues, drinking, language

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Summary: You are starting it over, from zero. New city, new apartment, new neighbours. You moved across the ocean just to get away, to be able to get a real clean start. Will your past let you leave though?

If someone would've said to me 3 months ago that i will move to America all alone, just leave everything behind and rent a small apartment all to my own, i would've died from laughing. I had the (for the outside looker) picture perfect life. Big villa, handsome fiancé, financially all sorted since i had my own business, while he was a hotel mogul. Perfect life, perfectly planted all over social media, until that one night. That one faithful night when i decided to surprise him on our 3rd anniversary. With a bottle of champagne i opened the door to his office, thinking his secretary is already on her way home, all finished for the day.. Well turns out she really likes to put in "the extra mile" when it comes to her work. The bottle fell from my hand, alerting them of my presence. I should've been screaming, tearing her and him apart, but somehow i didn't want to do any of that. I took off the massive diamond ring with a straight, emotionless face, walked to his desk where i placed it, turning our engagement photo face down, then left. I have memories of him talking to me, begging, then shouting, but it is all just white noise. I dodged a bullet there.

Truth be told i don't think anything ever hurt like that night before or did it actually hurt at all?.. I couldn't cry. After all i know that i will never be enough, i knew that i'll never be pretty or smart or succesful enough. I am not someone that is loveable. No matter the little acts of love, no matter the sacrifices, I will never be enough. Not just for him, i know my family would still take his side as well. Telling me things like let the man have his fun... he might not be faithful in bed, but you're the one he'll marry. Yeah right, i scoffed while driving to the airport.

I am a well-known webdesigner, i even published books on the subject, held classes in colleges, gave interviews encouraging women to build their own career.. I am sure i'll manage elsewhere. I bought a one way ticket to the first plane to Boston. I had 2 hours until my flight, so i spent that with getting a small apartment in a seemingly quiet area... I honestly never thought i'll ever move out of Sweden. I left everything behind, literally only having my purse and my laptop, and the neccessities.

Finally it was time to board the plane.. Great i will now be smashed to the window the whole flight since i happened to get the only ticket left...next to this huge hunk of a man. I have to admit at any other time i would've been glad to sit next to a handsome, bulky stranger but right now it was the least of what i wanted. I excused myself and put on the eyemask they provided.

The next thing i remember is a smooth but strong hand gently shaking me, a sweet voice telling me to wake up.

-C-Curt? - i mutter, still half asleep.

-I'll have to disappoint you ma'am but it's just me. - he said with a kind smile. - We have arrived in Boston.

I sat up straight looking out the window.

-Well i guess i was really tired. Thank you for waking me up. - I tried my best to offer him a smile, but of course i couldn't not fake it. He scratched the back of his head then got up, letting me out.

-Ma'am! Do you not have luggage? - he asked not understanding why did i start to leave the plane without any kind of suitcase.

-No, i don't - I say, then leave.

I was one of the few people who couldn't get a taxi, or at least for the next hour, so i got a coffee and sat down at a bench just outside the airport. It was rather windy, but sunny day regardless. The rays of the morning sun caressed my face in the light wind. This was the first when i really believed i could do it. I could start it all over. On my own.

Just moments later a car stopped right before me. That man again, from the plane. I looked at him questioningly and tilted my head to the side. He rolled down his window and smiled at me.

-There's a storm coming, there won't be any more taxis here for the next few hours. Where are you headed ma'am? I'm sure i'm able to take you some of the way, if not all.

I stood up, walked over to his car, bending down to the window to be able to talk to him.

-Let's just quit the ma'am thing, i'm not anywhere near that old, and i don't think a day this sunny will end in a storm, but i'll take you up on the offer.

He gave me that damn 2000 watt smile, while opening the door for me to get in.

I fasten my seatbelt, then nod at him.

-So where are you headed? - he asks.

-Hmm, let me look it up. - you said as you opened the email to search for your new address. You put it in the gps and show him. -There.. I'm heading there. It is okay if you cannot take me all the way, i don't wanna mess up your schedule. I'm sure you have places to be.- i said with a small and somehow sad smile.

He nods then gives me my phone back.

-Do you not need the navigation? - i giggle.

-No, i know the area pretty well.

-Oh, i see, is it... like... safe?

-Yes it's a nice neighbourhood. More like a little town of it's own, except it's kind of in the middle of Boston. Everybody knows everybody there. Are you visiting?

-No.. i.. i'm moving there actually.

-Oh so you're the one Sarah talked about.

-I'm guessing you live there too?! - i asked while looking out the window, taking in my new surroundings.

-Yes, i do, matter of fact that - he says as he points at my phone - that makes you my brand new neighbour.

-Such a small world... - i mutter under my nose, hope he doesn't hear it.

He somehow knows he shouldn't pry into the why's of the lack of luggage, and the reason of my move. He let's me adjust to the car, to his presence, and to the new surroundings. An hour later he stops before a nice looking apartment complex.

-This is our stop. - He says with a smile.

With a sigh i get out of the car, and look back at him, before shutting the car door.

-Thank you for taking me home, and sorry for the inconvenience. Have a nice day. - I didn't wait for his response, just shut the door, and headed for the main etrance.

It was a nice apartment. It had a little balcony and big windows. Perfect for sunny, warmer mornings, to work, or just to have coffee. It barely had furniture, i'll have to fix that rather sooner than later. But for now I'll settle for a long bath and some take away.

One hour in, and i hear the doorbell ring. Did the press already find me? Is it Sarah? I wonder while quickly putting my robe on, and twist my hair with a towel. As i open the door, i see a suddenly flustered man. The very same one who brought me here from the airport, and i realize i still don't know his name. He coughs, then hands out a bag to me, and he's holding a box of pizza in his other hand.

He has this boyish smile while trying hard to look me just in the eye.

-I...i - he stammers - I brought a few beers and a pizza over. You didn't have luggage, and this flat was empty for 4 years since Buck moved to NYC so i thought you'll need some food maybe some company...

-That is so kind of you! Please come in.. i'll be back in a second.. i'll just.. put on some... clothes first.

He sets the food on the coffeetable while looking at my hurriedly retreating back.

-Please make yourself at ho... yea no problem with that. - I tease him as he's currently getting all comfortable on the couch.

-Oh i'm.. um sorry. I used to spend an awful lot of time in this apartment, i guess it is kind of a second home at this point.

-Well, you're welcome anytime.

-Thank you... um.. Why do i not know your name yet? - He smiles at me confusedly, and i feel a giggle emerge from my throat.

-Because you never asked.. I'm (Y/n). - i say as i held out my hand.

-Steve.. - he says, and his hands linger just a second more than a simple handshake should last.

-So what brings you to this side of the city? I never heard an accent like yours before.

-Um.. i'm from Sweden. I'm kind of.. um.. starting over i guess.

-SHit.. sorry, i didn't want to make you uncomfortable.

-No it's okay.. I guess i'm just not really ready to face the reality of the past few days.

He doesn't ask about it any further. If i'm ready, i'll probably tell him about it all, but for now i'm just happy i'm not spending my first night here alone.

-So tell me about this apartment.. what should i know?

-Well it's in great condition, if you ever see flooding then thats probably the Barton kids upstairs. They like to fill not just the tub, but the whole bathroom as well.. Next to them is Sarah and Sam, siblings. Your neighbours are Nat and Wanda, then on the other side it is me. The wall are rather thin so.. um.. yea there's that... and what else... - he starts to think - oh yea, the door to he balcony is stuck, but i'll come and fix that one for ya.

I look at him with a smile, while open another beer. We spend the next few hours talking, but mainly it's him doing the talking, telling everything i need to know about my neighbours, and the community here. Soon enough it is time for him to leave cause he has work tomorrow.

The next day, i feel rather depressed, so i decide i'll go on a walk. Kind of like a tour of the surrounding area. I found a small coffee around the corner, which i really appreciate right now, since i still don't have a coffee maker at my new home.

When i open the door the scent of freshly brewed coffee hits my nostrils, and i honestly feel a bit happier from it. The chiming of the door alerts the barista who is a red haired girl with a kind face.

-Hi, how can i help you?

-Hello, i would like a cappuchino please.

-Coming right up! Please take a seat, and i'll bring it over right away.

I couldn't help but smile at how kind she is to me. Feel like starting over in a place with kind people like this barista and Steve will be easier than i thought.

-Thank you very much. -I say as she put the coffee down before me.

-You're new here. - She says with a smile, sitting down at the table.

-Is it that obvious?

She giggles - Well i know a swedish accent when i hear one..

-I should practice my english, shouldn't i? - i say laughing.

-No, i really like it. If my old neighbour would still live here he'd be head over heels for you just cause of that accent..

-Thats exactly what my new neighbour said about his friend.. Are you like... a cult?

-That depends on who is your new neighbour really.. -she says smiling at me playfully.-Are you by any chance the new tenant 2 streets down from here?

My eyes are open wide, i don't even need to answer that question, her smile grows 10 times bigger.

-I'm Wanda! Glad to meet you sweet sweet neighbour!

-(Y/n), guess it is a cult then huh? - I ask as we burst out laughing.

She has this aura around her. I know from the start that she's kind, but over my cappuchino we became somehow friends even, and she made me promise that i'll go to the bar with them on Friday. As it is their weekly "cult-meeting".

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Between getting furniture, trying to get clothes and stuff i need, and managing work alone, i find myself being kind of late from the friday cult meeting with my neighbours. Don't get me wrong, i really appreciate that they invited me out, and that they want me to be a part of the gang, but i am just so swamped. I honestly havent left the apartment in 4 days, and i only opened the door to get food, or packages and furniture delivered. Then around 8 a knock on my door startles me.

Greasy, messy bun, and sweatpants, all my glory, i open the door, only to find Wanda and another red-head on the other side.

-Why are you not ready yet? - asks Wanda cheerfully.

-Oh yea, i guess time flies, i'm rather swamped with work and stuff. Still need to get my visa sorted out too.

-I can help with that - said the red-head.

-Shit, sorry, i'm Y/N. - i said as i shook her hand

-Nat. Nice to meet you.

-So you said you can help with the visa thing? I have a fcking degree in design and i can't seem to get a simple working visa right...

Nat and Wanda looks at eachother before laughing.

-What? - I look at them confused.

-Go and take a shower, i'll rummage through your closet and we'll be good to go in no time.

-Yea, that's the other thing i forgot to mention... My closet is pretty much empty still. I moved here with just that. - I said, pointing at my laptop and handbag. I'm telling you... the pure horror on their face was the best thing i've seen all week.

-This is an emergency.

-No it's not.. i can always wear what i came in.

-No you cannot! Jesus, we're going to a bar, and we're gonna dance. - said Wanda.

-I also heard that the boys will be late cause they need to collect mister NYC from the airport.

-Wait.. Mister NYC? Do i already need to look for a new apartment?

-No, (Y/n).. He'll be living with Steve just as before...

-Before what?

-Before Dot?

-Before Who?

-Dot.. his um.. well i honestly don't know what they are at this point, but seeing as he moves back here, and with Steve i guess i'd call them exes.

-Oh nice. We'll have two sulking singles, two bisexuals, and me. - said Nat with a hint of sarcasm.

I rolled my eyes as i headed for the bathroom. I heard the door click shut, assuming they have left to find me some probably too revealing dress or something.

When i came back out i found Nat looking around the flat.

-So why on earth did you leave Sweden? That country is awesome.

-Oh yea well.. It is awesome, i just needed a change of scenery.

-Man problems?

-Bingo. - You said with a sad smile. She walked up to you to hug you.

-Men huh?! - was all she said. Just then Wanda marched trough the apartment with a pair of burgundy heels, and a little black dress. Not too revealing, except for the legs part, but it will be okay, with my leather jacket of course.

Soon enough i was entering the bar behind the girls. I felt great. The dress fit perfectly, and somehow Wanda even got my shoe size right, hair over my shoulders, in nice, loose curls. I felt like when i was in college, when I met that asshole for the first time. Confident, pretty, dressed to kill. Although I felt none of that right now, I still felt better than in the last few days.

Nat put a hand on my waist ushering me further to a box, that had 4 men in it already, one being Steve. All 4 of them were looking at me like they either saw a ghost, or the prettiest woman alive, and i honestly doubted it was the latter.

-And that's your Visa sorted honey. - Nat winked at me, earning a giggle.

Everybody introduced himself, and i decided to sit between Steve and Wanda. I felt most comfortable with them anyways. The conversations we had, all the laughs, teases, drinks felt good. I felt free, and for once in my life i felt i belong. If this is a cult, i'm sure as hell would like to be a part of it.

The girls wanted to dance, but i was just ready to go home and sleep, tomorrow i have a big day, meaning i will be building my bed, and then work all day again. Wanda pouted at me, but no can do. I am drunk enough to know i need to go home before they bring me another shot, cause then i'll lose it and either bring some random guy home, or cry all night in the toilets. And i didn't really wanted either of those.

Steve and as i know now Bucky were heading home as well, so it was convenient we walked there together, and honestly i was thankful for that, cause three shots two beer Y/N was not known for her good navigating skills.

By the time we reached my front door, i got to the state of the - i am horny - but i will cry shamelessly over my ex - stage. And i know i need to get inside the apartment fast, or this would be a short friendship with them.

We said our goodnights, and i tried to open my door. They were nearly inside their apartment when they heard me curse while sobbing a bit.

-Shit... FUCK THIS.. - i cried as i threw the keys on the floor, and sank down the door.

Bucky turned around, leaving Steve at their door.

-Hey... shh doll. Whats wrong?

-I can't get this stupid door open..

-Yea, sometimes it's stuck a bit, here let me help you.

-WHY ARE YOU ALL SO DAMN KIND TO ME?... - i cried even harder.

He bent down to gather little old drunk me in his arms when his scent hit me, and somehow calmed me instantly. I mean i am drunk, i am in this small black dress... Maybe i'll just... yea, i'll just cuddle him a little now that he decided to take me into my apartment. i thought as i laid my head on his chest, with a hand in his neck as he carried me in princess style, and i kind of pretended to be asleep. Getting the cuddles without the cringy talking. BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE.

When he notices that i am "asleep" he smiles, and goes for the bedroom, only to realize i have nothing but boxes, and a matress on the floor. He puts me on it carefully, pulling my blanket on me, then he caresses my face as he says - i know you are not sleeping doll, and I don't know who or why hurt you, but i can promise you you are safe with us.

-Please stay, - i murmured, reaching out a hand to him... gosh i am drunk.. - only until i fall asleep.

He looked to be hesitating.

-I don't ask you to fuck me Bucky, i just don't want to be alone.

That makes him chuckle. I feel i can be truly myself with them, and that means running my mouth as well.

-Yea sure doll. - he gets on the mattress nex to me, but far enough for us not to touch.

-So why did you leave this awesome apartment? - Look i was drunk okay? And i ran my mouth.. he didn't seem offended though.

-Well i.. I thought i found somebody that's worth leaving everything behind. Do you know what is the most absurd about it? I only realized i wasn't in love to begin with, when finding her with her boss in our bed ...didn't even really hurt me that much.

I shot up from the bed, looking at him laying one hand behind his head on the other side of the matress.

-Jesus i am so so sorry. I shouldn't have asked. Jesus, and i'm a fucking stranger.

-Chill Y/N it's all good, as i said it didn't hurt, i wasn't in love anymore. I guess never being enough just ruined it all huh. - he reminisinced.

-That i can agree with. - i said and now he was the one looking at me with wide eyes.

-You?

-Me.. - i showed him the subtle tan line where my ring supposed to be. - In the office.. with his secretary.

-Was he stupid or just retarded or some shit?

-No why ? - i asked him giggling.

-What the fuck is more attractive than someone with humor, someone who's intelligent and has her own fcking business that she built out of nowhere without the help of daddy or her boyfriend and has awesome personality and is even so fucking beautiful i thought i'd cry????

-Highheels, skimpy lingerie, and red lips i guess..

-Or the fact that you were just too good for him?

I shoved his shoulder lightly before laying down again.

-Dont put me on a pedestal Bucky. - was the last thing i said before falling asleep on his shoulder, holding his arm as if it was a plushie or something.

The next morning I wake up with a headache, and noise and giggles coming from the kitchen. There is something heavy on me that is surely not my blanket. I turn to look slowly as i see a sleeping man. It takes me a moment to realize that it's Bucky, whom i asked to stay. I quickly take a glance under the blanket, only to see all my clothing still on me. Good. Horny- drunk me didn't get the best of me.

I snuck out to find where the noise is coming from. Only to hear whistles and the giggles of the girls.

-Can you keep it down? My head is gonna explode.

-Suuuure, so i assume you have your visa sorted out?

-What are you even talking about Nat? - asked Wanda

- Well my dear.. Buck sure as hell didn't sleep at Steve's last night.

I mentally curse her for suggesting something that did not happen, while Wanda is looking at all of us wide eyed.

-Chill, nothing happened. Drunk old me just needed a good vent session and he happened to be at the wrong place and time.

-Good i still got a chance then. - said Sam with a toothy grin.

-Hey, i brought her home from the airport, i had dibs first. - pouted Steve

-Jesus, no dibs guys. - You laughed as Bucky emerged from your room, then it was his turn to get the whistles.

-So when will you tell us how you got in this town? - Wanda looked at me with big doe eyes.

-I'm not gonna get away with just sulking i gather.. Okay okay... fuck.. i need coffee first.

Then i proceeded to tell them how we got together, and how it ended, about how my family reacted. All of it.

-How are you not crying now? This broke my heart and i known you for a week. - Asked Wanda whispering to me next to the coffeemachine Steve lent me, while looking over the rest of the team on the couch.

-Yea, well.. Someone told me their own story, and i realized it didn't hurt nearly as much as it should cause i was never happy there to begin with. And how could i cry when i suddenly have a cult of friends that break into my apartment while i'm in my room sleeping with a stranger..

[awake-dearheart]

it took me a couple days but here’s a rundown of things sebastian said during the zoom call with his trainer don saladino and the march challenge group. he was on for an hour and three minutes total. keep in mind this challenge was fitness oriented so most of the questions revolve around that. this will also be LONG.

first of all he had trouble unmuting himself which was hilarious

he had a carboard cutout of the falcon with him which made everyone laugh

he loved being able to support ronald mcdonald house and he was sad they couldn’t go this year. sweet baby

when he was asked what he struggles with in his fitness he immediately said body dysmorphia. like no hesitation. he said he felt like he could stand to be less hard on himself.

he prefers cardio over other kinds of workouts.

he mentioned a role he’s getting ready for that’s “a lot different” but he laughed it off and said he couldn’t talk about it. i’m thinking it might have been tommy lee?

he tries to workout even just a little before he goes to set even when his schedule is crazy.

when he started training he had NO idea what he was doing. it took him a while to get into a routine and figure it out. he credited don with working a lot with him and finding a routine that works for him.

he feels better when he can do something physical every day. he said it really helps him mentally because the two go hand in hand for him.

someone said they were learning romanian and asked him for phrases to learn in romanian he said (in romanian) “oh my GOD why would you do that?” he also said he thinks people learning romanian because of him is “one of the sweetest things.”

he was asked how he balances training to look good vs training to feel good and he said if he’s training to look good he’s never 100% satisfied. training to feel good and setting short term goals has been better for him. 

don praised him for working hard to pivot his focus on the overall vs the day to day. seb said it was a lot harder when he started than it is now.

someone asked him if the workouts or the nutrition was harder and he immediately started talking about pizza and how much he loves a good cheat meal. the chat blew up talking about his cheat day video for men’s health. 

seb asked don his favorite cheat meal and they went on a tangent about burgers and fries and vodka that had us cracking up. seb said he went through a period where he was eating some kind of chocolate every day.

someone asked if he found it mentally difficult to go from one body type to another for roles and he said absolutely. he said if he has a shirtless scene to do then a month before he cuts out ALL sugar. fruits, carbs, everything and he turns into a very irritable person for about two weeks.

he was asked how the pandemic has changed his training and he said of course it has. him and don worked together to create a program for him to do from home with dumbbells and they had to get inventive. he’s been running a lot too.

someone asked the strangest item he’s used for weights and he said he’d go to the grocery store by himself without uber or anything. he tried to do one big shopping trip to last him for a week and half and he’d be laden with bags and it took him an hour and a half to walk home.

he told a story about using a towel and a bar in his house and he said “you probably know it because some “super fans” love to leak my address. so kind. lovely people.” the chat became v enraged.

he’s never had to get in shape on super short notice. marvel usually gives him about a 2 month heads up before he has to shoot things.

someone asked if he was a dog person. he said he loves dogs and he’d love to have one but he travels too much to give one the right kind of attention. he said if he could have a dog he’d have a bulldog or a husky.

he was asked his favorite nyc cheat meal and his first answer was “seeing all of you there” and we all cracked up. his real answer was a pizza place called rubirosa. he specifically likes their white pizza. (who wants to go to new york and get pizza with me?)

who would win in an iso squat challenge? him or don? (iso squats are when you drop into a squat and you hold it. it’s been the most hated exercise throughout the challenge). his face was HORRIFIED when he remembered what they are and he said don would definitely win. “don you have thighs of glory” the group is contemplating making shirts.

he played some sports in school but he wasn’t a super athletic kid. he struggled in school a bit because he had an accent and people were picking on him. it took a long time for his confidence to build.

celebrate victories where you can. he talked about when he posted that shirtless picture from the gym as an example. he said it’s more for motivation and pride in his achievements than about showing off.

he mentioned the documentary “the weight of gold” as something he watched recently. he said it’s a good example of people who are gold medal olympians struggling with the same things as everyone else when it comes to fitness. he comes back several times to not being too hard on yourself. 

he hasn’t lifted any weights in about a month and a half but he’s been running. he’s surprised at the amount of muscle he still has because he thought he’d lose a lot of it.

taking breaks when you’re working on fitness is so important. he says taking a week off sometimes is ok if that’s what you need.

they have talked about pizza at least 5 times at this point (32 minutes in) and it’s HILAROUS honestly.

he hates leg day. he knows how important it is because you need strong legs but he prefers doing arms and chest. “the squats can be so annoying UGH.”

someone asked him his advice for people who are starting an acting career and he laughed and said “quit all social media.” he walked it back and said you have to find a way to quiet the noise. 

this mfer went to theatre camp when he was 15 and he did MUSICALS. we tired to get him to sing. it didn’t work.

“you gotta do you. you cannot lose you as you’re going. and you cannot care what people think.”

he talked about imposter syndrome in terms of getting reviews and stuff. he said when he gets bad reviews it hurts but sometimes when he gets good reviews he can think “oh my god they made a mistake” or “oh my god i have to deliver like this every time.” he said if you’re starting out ask yourself why you want to do this and make sure this is what you want to do day in a day out. make sure when you face rejection and obstacles you have the energy to push you to get back up and say “fuck you i’m doing me.”

recommended the book “the subtle art of not giving a fuck” as something he loves.

“there’s creativity in everything. you don’t have to be a pianist or an actor or a writer. there’s creativity in all functions. as people we’re all creative.”

he went back to instagram for a minute and said to use it for the right things and follow the things that you like or are inspired by. he loves that social media can be used to reach people but you have to filter through the negative stuff.

someone asked the meanest thing don’t ever said during training and he said don’s never been mean but he’s always been inspiring and motivating for him. cute lil bromance moment.

he was asked if it’s harder to get into shape physically for the winter soldier or mentally. he said now it’s more of a head thing than it was in the beginning. the physically part was challenging for him in the beginning because he wanted to feel strong to build his confidence. he felt he couldn’t be bucky without being strong. 

civil war was his real hair but when they started filming it wasn’t long enough so he had extensions. by the end of the shoot it was long enough to cut the extensions out. 

the line between overtraining and not being motivated to train enough is hard for him sometimes. things tend to come all at once or not at all and it can be a struggle. 

he meditates and does some kind of physical activity every day at the start of his day. it makes him able to do the things he needs to do for the rest of the day better.

he thanked everyone for their support of tfaws and “making us look pretty good.” he’s very grateful for the turnout.

don says falcon weird. that’s not important but i wanted to mention it.

running is his go to thing. he feels like it’s a good meditative thing for him.  his go to pandemic workout was 100 pull ups, 100 push ups, 100 sit ups, 100 squats and alternating with running. we all panicked and were like “100 PULL UPS AT ONCE??” and he was like no no no no no no no no space that shit out during the day.

he loves breakfast but he doesn’t eat it at breakfast time. he joked he was going to eat breakfast after the call (which ended at 7PM). he likes anything with eggs and avocado. 

there are still directors he wants to work with that he can’t get to see him for parts. he did three audition tapes, two in person auditions, and a screen test to get bucky.

he just recently learned what “thirst pics” are (he figured out from the chat it’s thirst traps). when someone told him that picture from the gym was a thirst trap he was like “oh great well that sounds terrible.” men’s health didn’t call him until after that pic. he had reached out to them before that but that was the thing that made them call.

“make fun of yourself. you have to not take yourself too seriously.”

they both talked about how being able to do things like this is a privilege. there are always days when seb or don or anyone walks into a gym and doesn’t want to be there.

this is the part that made me emotional as FUCK. he’s had days where he’s gone to set and been like “what the fuck am i doing?” he says every time that happens he thinks “this is the time they’re gonna realize i can’t do this. this is when they’re all gonna know i’ve never been good at this.” he said in those moments you can’t just say “no no no i’m the best.” he said sometimes affirmations work and they can be as simple as “i’m gonna try to have a good day today” and it doesn’t have to be “i have to be the best version of myself.” it can just be “i wanna have a good day today” but on the days when you don’t feel good about things and don’t know what you’re doing he said you have to go there and say “ok i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing. fuck everything.” be in the thing that’s happening to you and give yourself permission to be down for a minute. find a compromise with yourself. if you can’t run the same three miles you’ve run all week and you just don’t want to, maybe you go for a walk instead. (his example not mine i DO NOT run). when he’s been in those moments of defeat accepting it had lead him to things he didn’t plan for and he finds those moments to be gifts in a way. accepting it and saying “today is that day” your body and your mind can start moving into finding other little things to do.

he came back to pizza one more time. i love him.

he recognizes how lucky he is to have the life he has. he says it’s important to pay attention to give a fuck about things and to give a fuck about things that will help other people. 

watching him talk the whole time he seemed so happy and relaxed. he seems like such a light hearted and fun person and he laughed SO much

that’s the end y’all. thanks for sticking around and reading all my hastily typed notes