#can i just go up and cry on their front steps like PLEASEEEE let me hold the eagles PLEASSEEEEEEEE | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

saturnheart · 1 year ago

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You felt Tiff step closer to you, arm wrapping around your waist so she leaned into Eva’s back. The comfort of the small family surrounding you keeps you grounded to the moment in front of you, not allowing your mind to think of the pain Mikey must’ve been in, or the voicemail that had gone unchecked for the past week.

mikey’s funeral 😪 tiff, eva and richie with baby 😭 i hope in season 3 we find out more about how richie and tiff split up 😐 cause like why would you do that to him

Separated by a threshold Carmen Berzatto stood in front of you clad in his disheveled chef whites looking just as exhausted as you felt. You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry if this trip did end up paying off, but after five years without him, five years of hurting and hoping you could no longer hold back all the emotions the man evoked within you.

OMFGGGGG SHE WENT TO VISIT HIMMMM !!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! FIVE !! YEARS!!!!!

Carmy’s water bill would be high for the month, you had apparently been in the shower long enough for a dinner of grilled cheese and tomato soup to be made.

oh my like he HAD FOOD READY FOR HER!

“I just…I want to understand you, Carmy. And I want to know why I’m not good enough for you,” as soon as those words left your lips it was like you were looking at 18-year-old Carmy again. “I thou-we seemed to be in a good place after Christmas dinner, but then I woke up alone and…and it felt like we were back at square one like you ghosted me all over again.”

🥹🥹 girl pleaseeee this is so sad like WHY DOES HER MAKE HER FEEL THIS WAY

“I um,” a placating smile raised to Carmy’s lips as he fumbled with his fingers as a distraction. “I can’t-Baby I-we both know I can’t give you what you deserve.” Carmy did his best to play off the watery undertone in his voice, eyes quickly darting up to yours as he heard your sniffles.

carmen 😐 UGHHH HE FRUSTRATES ME

��Baby just go get fucking ready.” A huff of laughter escaped Carmy at the way you were acting.

they’re being so awkward around each other like y’all need to kiss now!!!

“The world is kind but she is also cruel. She will take away the things we love even if we’re not ready to part with them. Love each other loudly and with no regrets, it's always good to see young love prosper.” The sad look in Willie’s eyes pulled at your heartstrings, you stood there wondering if he had any regrets.

🧍🏼🧍🏻‍♀️ < baby and carmy

WILLIE!! that’s so cute like everyone KNOWS YALL ARE IN LOVE LISTEN TO HIM!!!!! DO SOMETHING!!

The gentle squeeze of your hand in Carmy’s made you smile, the two of you making your way back to his apartment. Neither of you mentioned holding hands as you journeyed home, just like neither of you said anything as you melted into his safe embrace on the subway ride.

look at these “friends”

“Can I,” Carmy paused a laugh escaping his lips at the similarities between this moment and a past one you shared. “Can I kiss you?”

AHHHH OMG ITS HAPPENING AGAIN!!!!

Carmy leaned into the palm of your hand, letting himself melt into your touch, cherishing the few moments he had left with you. “And I can’t promise any commitment after today.” The rapid beating of Carmy’s chest could be felt on your stomach, the crack in his voice raising a small smile to your lips.

we know carmen, we know.

“What you said about this,” his thumb swiped back and forth against the ‘B’ inked into your skin. “Would you take my last name?”

THE TATTOOOOO 😪

You reached over to plant a soft kiss on his cheek before grabbing the camera from its spot by your head. You raised it watching as the soft smile graced Carmy’s face, your eyes not wanting to leave the perfect view of his side profile that you had fallen in love with, finger accidentally slipping, the sound of the camera shutter filled the space between you too.

YOU TOOK A POLAROID OF USSSSS THEN DISCOVERED THE REST OF THE WORLD WAS BLACK AND WHITE BUT WE WERE IN SCREAMING COLOR WND I REMEMBER THINKING ARE WE OUT OF THEE WOODS - out of the woods is so carmy/baby coded i have a list of tay tay songs that are them that i keep forgetting to send you

The two of you separated small side smiles mirroring each other, both of you knew that Carmy would return home to an empty apartment tonight, but neither of you would voice that truth.

no please no i can’t please stay please stay please stay (all you had to do was STAY)

He could go one day without his signature chain that he had so lovingly placed around your delicate neck.

THE CHAIN!!!! ok i think she probably leaves the chain when she leaves like probably with a note or just leaves it like and then he comes home and like cries…

interlude two | anyone who had a heart

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣ |

summary: the devastion of mikey's passing pushes baby into the arms of the man she loves the most.

wc: 17.3k

edited to the best of my abilities. if things don't make sense i apologize!

March 1, 2022

The rain rhythmically bounced off the umbrella in Richie’s hand. Both of you huddled under the slightly too-small object, the majority of your bodies dry, but each of you felt your fair share of rain land squarely on you. The child in front of you, dry as a desert, her small stature an advantage.

All that could be heard was nature's tears singing against the various umbrellas and the voice of the priest that seemed to just drone on and on.

Donna’s cry’s had been relegated to silent sobs just moments ago, you watched as Nat put her own hurt and discomfort aside to assuage Donna’s nerves.

You had all but ignored the empty seat situated next to Natalie, not wanting to believe the truth of the situation. As you stared at the coffin resting several feet in front of you, you couldn’t help but wonder what the cold lifeless body lying inside looked like. You knew there was only so much that could be done to make a body with a hole in its head presentable, and that a closed-casket funeral was for the best.

It was selfish, but you wanted one last look at Mikey. Did he look peaceful? Was he finally freed from the vices that had for so long controlled him? You so hoped that wherever he was, wherever his soul found its spiritual comforts he was at peace.

A tug on the sleeve of your coat drew your attention. Looking down your eyes met Eva's, the little girl insisted on standing with you, her small toddler hand securely wrapped in your adult one. It felt a little odd to be standing here like this, a buffer between a family that was no more, while also serving as the memory of one family’s missing piece.

She raised her arms in a signal to be picked up. Funerals were no place for children to be, but what good was lying to them about the realities of life? You gently lifted her into your arms sitting her on your hip comfortably. Eva’s small head rested against yours playing with the pearls around your neck, the small girl could only understand so much of what was going on around her.

Funerals were a funny thing for you, the last one you attended was your mom’s. And it wasn’t a competition, but her death was easier. That’s the thing with terminal illness; death is inevitable. You would never be prepared for any death in your life, but it was a bit easier knowing your mom didn’t have a fighting chance. Her decision to leave this realm behind was harder, but knowing her passing was painless and of her own volition helped.

But Mikey’s death was different. It was sudden, unexpected, and messy and it wasn’t the death Michael deserved. But what made it all the worse for you is that he was utterly and terribly alone.

And it wasn’t like anyone wasn’t privy to his substance abuse, but none of you knew the depths to which it ate away at him, how it slowly killed him and he kept pushing on for the sake of others.

Maybe you should’ve asked him more about how he was doing when you interviewed him. Maybe you shouldn’t have sent him a portion of your article. Standing at the cemetery as the funeral continued, even with little Eva cuddling into you and Tiff and Richie surrounding you; you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to all the things you could’ve done to save Mikey from himself.

Eva was asleep against your chest as you made your way to the fresh grave, Tiff in front of you and Richie closely behind doing his best to cover your small group with the umbrella. The rain hadn’t let up as you raised your dirt-filled hand over the pristine casket, this didn’t feel right at all. You had yet to cry since Sugar called you days ago with the news, it felt as though you were numb to the truth. Maybe it was your mind's way of protecting you.

But as long as the casket remained closed, and you never got one last peek at the man who had taught you that you deserved more than what you settled for. You could pretend for just a little longer that none of this was real.

Releasing your grip on the dirt you watched as it splashed across the top of the casket mixing with the droplets of rain. You hesitated for a minute turning your back on this casket felt too final, like leaving this cemetery would be closing a door in your life you were desperate to keep open.

Richie’s free hand came up to your shoulder, a soft squeeze pressed into your jacket. You looked back at him the same hurt and pain you were feeling reflected on his face. He gave you a small nod as a way to let you know that it was okay to walk away, that he understood the hurt you were feeling.

As Tiff walked off to her car, you held Eva in one hand and allowed Richie to grip your other. The warm grasp of his hand gave you the strength to turn your back and walk away from a man whose love, charisma, and smile you would never be blessed to see or experience again.

March 12, 2022

Carmy sat on his lawn chair watching the rain splash against the window that led to his balcony, the funeral program rested lazily on his lap held in place by his pack of cigarettes and lighter. He didn’t realize it but this had been his routine since he learned of his brother's passing.

He would come home not even bothering to change out of his work clothes and plop down in the creaky lawn chair, usually on his balcony but recently the weather hadn’t been calm enough for that.

Light up a cigarette and just bask in his despair.

The only difference had been the program he received in the mail a week ago. The newly acquired folded paper joined his after-work routine for the day after being left on the island in his kitchen since receiving it.

Carmy wasn’t sure if he was angry at Mikey for choosing death, or if he was more hurt by what they would never again be able to experience with each other. He felt like once again Mikey had left him behind, not thinking about the ways his actions would affect those around him, affect the people who loved him.

The decision to skip the funeral wasn’t as hard as most would have thought. What good would Carmy have to offer by being there, it's not like anyone needed him. And anyway, he couldn’t just drop everything happening here in New York for a day, life didn’t work that way for him.

Carmy knew he didn’t hate Mikey, he just didn’t understand his choices recently. Didn’t necessarily understand how much the prescriptions had fucked with his mind. And maybe in a selfish way, he wasn’t ready to understand, to forgive Mikey for leaving him so soon. Nothing to even show for the loss of the person who inspired him most besides the funeral program as an ugly reminder of what he could never be again.

A soft knock rang through the quiet apartment, the man inside happy to ignore it, sure it was just one of his neighbors doing whatever weird shit they usually did. He removed a cigarette from his pack standing up and setting the program in the chair before grabbing his lighter and moving to open the window.

He heard it again, this time a bit louder and more urgent sounding. Carmy removed his phone from his pocket, the generic lock screen shining up at him with the time reading 2:30 am.

No one had ever shown up at his apartment this late, not even the woman across the way who periodically tried to charm Carmy all kinds of inconvenient times of the night. The knocking finally stopped as muffled voices carried through the hallway outside his door.

Carmy wouldn’t consider himself a nosy neighbor but he did find himself a bit curious who was knocking at his door at such an hour it alerted another tenant. Cigarette sitting between his lips he made his way to the door, ear leaned against it as he tried to catch bits and pieces of the conversation happening out there.

Having no such luck he resorted to checking the peephole to find his neighbor outside her door talking with a woman who appeared to be soaked to the bone. Carmy watched for a moment, he couldn’t place it but something about the unknown woman looked familiar to him. He continued watching his neighbor motioning for the woman to wait outside for a moment while she grabbed something from her apartment.

Carmy was ready to return to his initial smoke break but found himself stopping as the woman faced his door. Heart stopping as he took in features he would remember for a lifetime. He quickly moved to unlock his door, throwing it open only to surprise the ghost of a woman standing in his hallway.

You ceased your knocking as you heard a door opening behind you, turning to face a woman who appeared to be around the same age as you. From her appearance, it didn’t seem like you had woken her up so you were grateful for that fact.

“You’re making a mess in the hallway,” her eyes traveled over your form. Your figure sopping wet from the downpour you just escaped from.

A tired sigh left your lips, “Um, I’m sorry to bother you, but do you know the guy who lives here?” Your hand motioned to the door that was at your back that you had just been knocking on.

“You a friend or something?” The skepticism in the woman’s voice irked you, it was a yes or no question there was no need for her to give you the third degree.

You nodded trying to keep your cool. You were tired, dripping wet, and you weren’t even sure if Carmy was home. “Yeah, something like that.”

She gave you another once over before shaking her head back and forth, “No I don’t, sorry.” She began to close her door before you called out to her one last time.

“Wait sorry, is there any way I could use your phone, mine is dead,” you presented your phone as evidence, you didn’t want to be in this woman’s presence any more than she wanted to put up with you, but you needed to at least call a cab.

The subtle roll of her eyes caused the grip on your phone to tighten, luckily though the woman gave you a gesture to wait there before returning to her apartment.

You let out a sigh of relief, head dropping as your thoughts raced. You had no idea what the hell was going through your mind when you booked the last-minute flight. Having found Carmen’s address written on a forgotten piece of paper lying in the kitchen of the Berzatto family home.

The excuse to Sugar was that you had to meet with a potential interviewee for an upcoming article and couldn’t reschedule. You had already been in Chicago for longer than you originally planned, so what was one impromptu plane ride to the east coast?

There was no sign that the woman you bothered was coming back anytime soon so you decided to cut your losses, you would find a pay phone or something to use. You turned around sending one last look at Carmy’s door, the feeling that this was all for nothing setting in.

You went to pick up your bag from the ground when the sounds of a door unlocking caught your attention, raising back up to your full height as you watched the door you were initially knocking on harshly swing open.

Your trembling lips raised into a pathetic smile as your eyes took all of him in, “Hi Carmy.”

The water dripped off of you as you awkwardly stood in the entryway to Carmy’s apartment. You watched him rush around to tidy up his apartment, he hadn’t said a word to you yet just opened his door wider with the expectation that you would enter.

“Carm,” your trembling voice doing nothing to stop the scrambling of the man in front of you.

“Carmen.” The name left your lips a little louder this time, finally gaining the man’s attention, his entire being turning in your direction but eyes never meeting yours. “Uh, could I maybe take a shower?”

Carmy’s head nodded rapidly, staying glued to his spot for a moment before he signaled for you to follow him. As you walked through the apartment to his bedroom you couldn’t help but take in just how Carmy-like the living space was.

Lacking personal touch and like he was ready to flee at a moment's notice; the only commitment the man could make was being a chef apparently.

You stopped in front of the bathroom looking around his room before finally focusing on him. “I, do you think I could borrow some clothes?”

Again Carmy nodded the man acting as though his voice box wasn’t working. You watched him move around his room wondering if he’d ever award you any form of attention or verbal acknowledgment. He stopped for a minute eyes finally finding yours, “Go ahead and get cleaned up, I’ll leave these on the bed.”

Your eyes found the contents in his hand before it was your turn to nod and head into the bathroom. You started the shower searching for a towel and washcloth as you waited for the water to heat up. This whole trip could very well be a mistake, but there was no going back now, you were here, and you had already used your miles.

Slipping out of your wet clothes felt like a struggle, the heavy fabric clinging to you like a second skin. You quickly stepped into the shower, not wanting any of the water to go to waste. The steaming water helped to relax you, all your worries about your visit being set aside as you basked in the warmth radiating around you.

After standing under the shower head and allowing the water to caress your skin, you reached for the products Carmy had lined up in his shower. The shower gel is the same brand you used all those years ago on Christmas. Looking at the bottle in your hands you couldn’t help but think of all the ways in which Carmy wronged you, why you had allowed him to constantly hurt you, a fact you still couldn’t figure out.

And you couldn’t stand here in his shower glaring at a bottle the whole time you were here either. You took your time lathering your body allowing the calming aroma of lavender to invade your senses. Finishing you returned everything to its proper spot before rinsing your body and shutting the shower off.

Stepping out you wrapped the large fluffy towel around your body not chancing a glance at your reflection as you exited the bathroom. The door to the bedroom was closed and the clothes you saw in Carmy’s hands earlier sat in a neat pile on the bed. You perused the selection of a clean pair of boxer shorts, one of his many crew necks and a pair of socks were laid out for you.

The deja vu the last few sequences of events had given you hadn’t gone unnoticed.

You would have to forgo a bra but you’d been in much more uncomfortable positions with Carmy than this. Dressing you made your way to the door, stopping for a moment to allow yourself a deep breath, you couldn’t be sure what you would be walking into. Along with the fact that you were in a city you had never been in and your return flight wasn’t for two more days, Carmy was your only option.

The warmth in the apartment slapped you in the face as you left Carmy’s room, the heater had been turned on. You followed the trail you had first taken finding your way to the living room that doubled as a kitchen.

“Sit,” you were almost ready to argue with Carmy’s demanding tone, but the food situated on the island counter stopped you.

You made your way to the lone stool taking a seat, trying not to marvel at the food in front of you. Carmy’s water bill would be high for the month, you had apparently been in the shower long enough for a dinner of grilled cheese and tomato soup to be made. Carmy still hard at work making something on the stovetop sans his chef jacket.

Eyeing the food in front of you, you couldn’t help the way your mouth watered. You greedily picked up a slice of the grilled cheese and dipped it into the hearty soup, The sigh of appreciation not going unnoticed by the chef a few feet away from you, a small smirk gracing his lips at the quiet sound you let out.

“Good?” The question caught you off guard, mouth still full, swallowing the bite in your mouth you set the rest of the sandwich down, eyes zeroing in on Carmy’s biceps that were put on full display by his form-fitting white shirt.

“I’ve had better.” Carmy caught your shrug as he placed a steaming mug next to the rest of your food, doing his best not to outright smile at your stubborn attitude. He moved to lean his back against the sink, arms crossed over his chest as he studied you.

“Fuck Carmy,” the sigh left your lips reluctantly. “It’s actually fucking great.” So enthralled with the food set in front of you, you missed the pink blush that dusted across Carmy’s cheeks. The heat in the apartment almost felt like too much as the lewd words left your lips.

“Ahem, I uh, I’m gonna get cleaned up. Make yourself comfortable,” Carmy watched as you waved him off, the food you were eating stealing all of your attention.

Carmy watched you for a moment longer, still shocked that your physical presence was here in his apartment. He wasn’t sure what prompted this visit, or if he even deserved your attention after all the immature shit he had pulled. But he was thankful to see you doing well, to see you looking as though you belonged with him in his bland apartment the clothes comfortably sitting on your body providing him with a feeling of domesticity he was one day hoping to have with you.

The mug of hot chocolate in your hands helped to send warmth through your body. You were still sitting at the stool not sure what to do as Carmy freshened himself up. Now that you weren’t shivering cold and rushing through the apartment you could finally take in the less than cozy abode.

It wasn’t much but you were sure it was enough for Carmy, taking a few sips of your drink you began ambling around the apartment, mug still gripped in your hands, a tether to reality. The living room wasn’t messy but more so what you would describe as Carmy’s version of organized clutter.

A small couch and television helped to offer a homey feeling. The out-of-place lawn chair caught your eye, and the corner of your lips quirked up at how fucking Carmy it was. You made your way to the window it was sitting in front of, the New York skyline at this time of the day still a sight to see. The rain gliding down the window felt like it matched the steady pace of your heartbeat.

Turning to the lawn chair the contents in the seat grabbed your attention. Leaning over you picked up the unassuming paper, a jolt of sadness rushing through you as you read over the program. The funeral a week ago is still stuck in the back of your mind, the closed sleek black casket haunting your eyelids every night.

You quickly replaced the program in its original spot. You had come here intending to confront Carmy about his absence, but the more you stood in his apartment, the more you realized you weren’t actually ready to hear Carmy’s truth.

48 hours was all you had here, if you decided to use it as an escape, so be it. You would have to return to the reality that Mikey was dead sooner than later. You were allowed to let yourself use the time spent here as an escape from reality. You could use your time here to reprimand Carmy for his life decisions, or you could use the borrowed time to relish in finally seeing him after five years and try to figure out the back and forth the two of you have been participating in for a majority of your lives.

Mikey would understand, he wanted you to be happy, so it was okay to pretend for a little while that he’d be waiting there in Chicago when you got back right?

You made your way back to the kitchenette needing a distraction from the very thoughts you were running away from. You finished off your hot cocoa before grabbing your remaining dishes and heading to the sink. Washing dishes was the first distraction you could think of.

As you made your way to the sink the sound of a door opening and feet padding across the floor could be heard. Quickly turning on the faucet you reached for the dish rag sitting in the sink, a sharp gasp escaping your lips at the pain that shot through the base of your palm, the running water easily turning a translucent pink color.

Snatching your hand back you spotted the blade of a knife that was covered in drops of your blood and haphazardly hidden under the dish rag. Your good hand reached to move the dish rag and grab the offending object.

Finally getting a good grip on the knife, you were shocked at the familiarity of it, the personal initials carved into the handle proving your theory. The last time you laid eyes on these they were neatly tucked away into a luxurious gift box that Carmy discarded just as easily as he discarded you the morning after Christmas.

And you thought they had been left in the same spot all these years, collecting dust in his childhood bedroom. But as you held a knife from the set in your hand, and your eyes moved to the remaining set delicately placed on the counter not too far away, you realized that to be nowhere near the truth.

“Yo, what the fuck Baby,” your attention turned to Carmy’s voice behind you his figure clad in a pair of sweats and a white tank top. That stupid fucking gold chain that you had dreamed of taking between your teeth one too many times glistened against the firmness of his chest.

The delicate grip on your injured hand tore your eyes from the sinful chain. Carmy’s eyes raised your hand to his face examining the seriousness of the wound, “What happened?”

“Cut myself,” you raised the knife in your hand to show him, watching as his eye darted between you and the tool he took so much pride in owning.

“What the fuck did you do that for?” Carmen Berzatto’s attitude would never cease to surprise you.

You scoffed quickly snatching your hand from his grip, and walking to grab the dish towel hanging from his oven, “I didn’t do it on purpose you fucking idiot.”

Carmy began rummaging around in his cabinets his search not continuing for too long before he made his way over to you, first aid kit in his grasp. You were honestly surprised he owned one sure he’d rather bask in his pain than take care of himself.

Your good hand shot out aiming to grab the first aid kit from his hands. The slight slap to your hand caused your mouth to drop open, who the hell did he think he was?

“Give me the kit Carmen.” You watched as his eyes met yours, the once blank expression on his face morphing into a frown.

“Don’t say my name like that,” you rolled your eyes before reaching out once again, only to receive the same result. “Just let me help you. Why are you being so fucking stubborn!”

You raised your eyebrows not expecting Carmy to yell at you. Your hand reluctantly came up between the two of you so he could bandage it up. It was official that you were weak for this man, the demanding tone in his voice shooting straight through you.

The two of you sat in silence as Carmy cleaned the cut, the consensus was that you didn’t need stitches so the ointment and bandages Carmy had would do. You watched as he worked, hands delicately mending your wound he was so focused on.

When he finished you lowered your hand watching as he cleaned up before you made your exit to the living room, sitting on one side of the couch. Your back was to the kitchen as Carmy finished tidying up, the only sign he followed you out was him walking around the couch in your peripheral.

He joined you on the couch choosing the safe option and sitting directly across from you, the space speaks volumes. You brought your legs up to your chest, if this was a month ago you probably would have let all your hurt and anger guide you in this moment.

But as life taught you, the universe was eager to snatch away people you thought you had forever with.

It was silent for a little longer, the both of you avoiding eye contact. You finally turned to face him wanting to understand the choices he made regarding the situation between you two.

“Carmy?” You rested your chin atop your knees as he finally provided you with his full attention, “Did I do something wrong?”

His eyebrows raised, whether, from shock or surprise, you couldn’t be sure. You watched as his eyes darted across the room like he was looking for an anchor. You weren’t too sure who adult Carmy was, because the boy you used to know easily held conversations with you, even the tough ones.

You were staring directly into Carmy’s eyes, it was hard but it needed to be done. You needed him to see, to understand how much his actions continued hurting you.

His hand raised in a gesture you had seen too many times to count, fingers running through his hair. If he didn’t want to have this conversation you couldn’t force him to, but you also wouldn’t keep allowing him to run in and out of your life when it was convenient for him. The two of you were friends once, and you weren’t going to allow him to continue exploiting the love you had for him.

Your arms wrapped around your propped-up legs, a security blanket for the words you were about to force out. “You can be honest with me, Carmy. If you told me you wanted nothing to do with me I’d be on the next flight out of here.” You waited for anything, a sigh, words, but all you got was his steel blue eyes staring you down in the space across from you.

A sardonic chuckle escaped your lips as you quickly wiped the tears racing down your cheeks. Head falling back to stare at the ceiling as a way to not allow Carmy to see your tears, before calming yourself down enough to meet his gaze head-on.

“I can’t be the only one that wants more for us Carmy.” You could see the light reflecting off the glazed film in his eyes. “And I don’t think I am. But you’re inconsistent with your feelings, and I know it’s wrong of me to spring this on you considering the circumstances…but I just need honesty Carmy, that’s all.”

You said your peace, but you weren’t sure what else you could say to try to make him understand and maybe that was the problem, maybe he didn’t want to understand. You leaned into the couch cushion for comfort. The distance stretching between you was nowhere near as hurtful as the silence.

The fatigue from your flight was beginning to set in, you rushed everything to make it here that you hadn’t realized how much of a toll it took on you.

Carmy watched you from his side of the couch, arms crossed against his chest. There was so much he wanted to say to you but didn’t know how. He knew you deserved the truth, but it had never before been asked of him in this context. He was scared of the fact that he wanted more with you; it frightened him.

The idea he had of the two of you in his head was intoxicating and unnerving all at once. He could admit to himself that he dreamed of a life with you, and found himself lost in thought too many times to count about what it would be like to come home after a long shift to you there waiting for him.

Carmen was intoxicated by the idea of spending the rest of his life with you, a continuous beacon in your life that surpassed the title of friend and edged into something more. But he was unnerved as well because he wasn’t sure if this was love or infatuation.

Loving you unnerved Carmy, firstly because he wasn’t sure how he would know he was in love with you or not. And secondly, he didn’t know how to love you and wasn’t sure if he was capable of it. If there was one thing Carmy knew it was that you were deserving of a life-altering love, a love that transcended lifetimes if possible.

But he was almost positive he couldn’t be that person for you, he wasn’t deserving of you.

“I uh, I tried calling you,” Carmy stopped to collect himself, he wanted to talk to you, to let you understand him like you once did. “You changed your number. And that’s not an excuse. I understood why. I just…I guess I took it as a sign that there was nothing left for us.”

His eyes met yours searching for any sort of reaction, any form of acknowledgment. Your puffy eyes and tear-stained face stared back at him, his heart clenching in his chest at the emotional distress he constantly put you through.

Carmy watched as your head rapidly nodded up and down, a sad knowing smile stretching across your lips. The tightness in his chest increased tenfold, his hand coming up to press into the middle of his chest, hoping to alleviate the pain.

“I um, I think I would like to go to sleep if that’s okay?” You raised your head to look at Carmy, you told him you would accept his rejection, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t going to hurt.

Carmy nodded getting up and walking towards you, holding his hand out to help you up. You allowed him to grasp your soft hand in his firm calloused one, head down as he led you to his bedroom. He motioned for you to sit down on his bed as he escaped into the bathroom, coming back a moment later with tissues in his hand.

You avoided his eyes as he bent down on his knees in front of you, gently using the collected tissue to dab at your puffy face. You couldn’t help the sorrowful laugh that escaped your lips, the scene reminded you of when the two of you were growing up and Carmy would always help clean your face after a good cry.

A tight smile formed on his lips as his eyes met yours, the two of you probably thinking of the same memories. He finished drying your face before returning to the bathroom to throw away the tissues. Carmy helped you up from the bed to pull down his comforter before allowing you to get in.

He watched as you scooted over to make room for him awaiting his entrance, “Uh lemme just tidy up out there.” Both of you knew it was an excuse but neither were brave enough to admit it.

Carmy quickly left the room heading straight for the small duffle you had brought with you. He was sure the rain had soaked through your bag and wet your belongings. Making his way to the closet where his washer and dryer were located he easily fit your clothes into the wash, not wanting you to be stuck in his clothes for however long you were there.

He found your laptop bag in there as well, quickly removing it from its confines and drying it with a clean kitchen towel. Placing the laptop on his counter he made his way around the kitchenette to clean up the mess your blood made and finish off the dishes you hadn’t been able to wash. All of this was a distraction to the warm body he knew was waiting up for him in bed, he felt the urge to prolong the inevitable but realized he might never get this chance again.

Carmy quickly finished his clean of the front room, it wasn’t up to his usual standards but he could no longer deny himself the thing he wanted most in that moment; to wrap you up in his arms and hope he’d never have to let go.

Making sure all appliances were off and starting the washer, he quickly made his way back into his bedroom, closing the door as quietly as he could. He stood in the middle of the room for a minute, the figure peacefully lying in his bed not something he was used to. Carmy quietly crept over to the empty side of the bed lifting the covers and allowing himself to slide in.

Carmy knew you weren’t asleep and any other time he might’ve felt embarrassed to be so eager to be near you, but something about being in your presence felt right. Carmy made sure to scoot close to you, arm moving to wrap around your midsection and bring you closer to him, the need to feel your body pressed against his barely being satisfied.

His face found its way to the crook of your neck, taking a deep breath, the lavender scent he loved so much dancing across his senses. The sigh you let out into the night was a sign that you both wanted this just as much.

Carmy moved his head up a few inches, lips brushing against the ‘B’ hidden behind your ear. There wasn’t a day he didn’t think about the hidden ink stain or the words you said to him when he first found it.

Pressing one more soft kiss against the inkblot Carmy felt as you relaxed into him. Your warm body in his arms once more provided a feeling of bliss he wasn’t aware he needed.

You both knew the position you were in and the soft caress of Carmy’s lips against your skin, was a direct contradiction of the claims he made earlier. But neither of you would be the voice of reason in these 48 hours you had together.

Whatever happened between the two of you during this time would be welcomed with open arms. You and Carmy were on borrowed time, there would be time for regrets later, but as Carmy held you in his arms he decided that he would try to give you pieces of himself that no one had ever seen; even if it would all end in hours.

“Sweet dreams Baby.”

Carmy looked most at peace while sleeping, the stress and exhaustion seemed to have melted off of him as his mind transported him to the land of dreams.

You had been awake for some time now, Carmy’s presence helpful enough to allow you a few peaceful hours of sleep. But the inevitable thoughts of a life lost would always haunt you through the night. So here you were watching the slight rise and fall of Carmy’s chest, his lips parted slightly. He looked adorable like this but you felt a little weird just watching someone sleep.

Your hand raised gently moving the waves out of Carmy’s face, leaning in slightly to press a delicate kiss on his forehead before quietly making your way out of the bed. It was a little tricky to open the door without waking Carmy but you had managed.

Leaving the hallway that led to Carmy’s room you entered the living room, searching for the duffle you brought with you. Only to find it open on the floor, your toiletry bag the only item that remained in the bottom of the bag. Confusion swept across your face as you tried to figure out where the rest of your belongings were.

Looking around the living area you spotted your laptop resting on the counter, your laptop bag sitting on a towel next to it. You would figure things out later. The first thing you wanted to do right now was to brush your teeth.

You quickly tip-toed back into Carmy’s room and the bathroom quietly shutting the door behind you and beginning your morning routine. Now refreshed you exited the bathroom, a small smile gracing your lips as you took in Carmy’s still-sleeping figure.

Perusing the fridge and pantry you found a lack of any edible food. The few things available allowed you to whip up some French toast. You were no chef and maybe you should’ve left the cooking to Carmy but you were hoping this could be an olive branch for the two of you. If Carmy didn’t want to be with you romantically, maybe the two of you could work on mending your friendship.

Carmy woke up to an empty bed, his first thoughts that you had escaped in the night, his heart clenching a bit at the thought. He couldn’t be mad he pulled the same stunt on you, turning to lay on his back he stared at his ceiling, mind racing as he thought about the conversation from yesterday.

Carmy knew he wanted to be happy, and he also knew he wanted that with you. He just didn’t know the first thing about romantic love or how to explicitly make his wants clear to you. It seemed as though he’d never get that chance, you were serious about catching the next flight out.

Sitting up in bed he looked around, trying to gain his bearings. The sound of his bedroom door opening jolted him from his thoughts. He watched as you walked in with two plates in your hands, the smell of French toast invading his senses. His eyes found yours as you stopped in the doorway a small shy smile sent in his direction.

“I made us breakfast,” Carmy watched you make your way towards him, taking a plate off your hands as you sat on the bed in front of him. “I hope you don’t mind French toast, you uh didn’t have much to work with.”

Carmy’s eyes subtly lit up at the fact that you were still there, that you hadn’t left. “No, yeah this is great, you uh, used cinnamon and everything.” The shy teasing smile on Carmy’s face caused a small chuckle to bubble out of you.

The two of you ate in silence for the most part, each of you stealing glances at one another while the other wasn’t paying attention. Shy smiles sent each other’s way when one of you would catch the other’s eye.

You watched as Carmy took the plate from your hands and made his way to the door, you sat there for a moment watching him walk away before getting up and following behind him. You silently took a seat on the stool at the counter watching as Carmy began cleaning the remaining breakfast dishes.

The stretch of his back muscles under the tank top he was wearing was a sight to see. It surprised you a bit how toned Carmy was considering he lived and breathed being a chef, you didn’t expect him to have free time to worry about his physique.

You waited as Carmy finished sending him a small smile as he finally faced you. He made his way to you, the two of you separated by the counter, his forearms resting on the counter accentuated his toned biceps.

“I actually need to go to the farmer’s market today,” you waited to see if there was anything more he had to say but the silence drew on.

“Oh, I can stay here, I have work to finish.” You gestured your hand to the laptop not far from the two of you, trying not to let your disappointment show.

“Did you maybe wanna join me,” Carmy waited for your response, eyes darting around your face hoping you would say yes.

“Do you…want me to join you?” You could laugh, the two of you sitting here beating around the bush like two teenagers.

You waited as you took in Carmy’s shy demeanor, the blush rising from his neck, you were tempted to point it out but didn’t want him to close himself off like you were used to.

“I want you to come with me to the farmers market.” Carmy made sure to look you in the eyes as the words left his mouth, sure that he was red in the face but wanting you to know how much he wanted to spend time with you.

The two of you stared at each other for a while, the toothy grin on your face mirroring the his smaller one. The small nod of your head was everything Carmy needed to see for his heartbeat to calm down. He watched as you giddily got up from your seat presumably to get ready.

“Oh um did you do something with my clothes?” The smile didn’t seem to be leaving your face anytime soon.

Carmy cleared his throat hand raising to scratch the back of his neck, “Yeah I, uh I washed them, they’re in my closet.”

You couldn’t deny that those words made your heart pick up speed a bit, the idea of feeling giddy that your clothes were in Carmy’s closet was a bit childish, but you would take what you could get at this point.

“Oh, okay I’ll just go get ready then.” Your hand gestured to the room behind you.

“Yeah,” Carmy couldn’t help but marvel at the idea of you getting ready in his apartment, it was almost like he could pretend this was his reality.

“Yeah,” you didn’t know why you were acting like a love-struck teenager but Carmy just brought it out of you.

“Okay,” Carmy nodded his head signaling you to take your leave.

“Oka-.”

“Baby just go get fucking ready.” A huff of laughter escaped Carmy at the way you were acting.

Carmy stood by the counter watching as you ran off to prepare yourself for the day. He couldn’t stop the smile from gracing his lips as he listened to your melodic laughter sing through the emptiness of his apartment.

You had split from Carmy a few booths back, the two of you deciding it was for the best. Your constant wandering off to booths that intrigued you put Carmy in a panic when he would look to see you no longer at his side.

It was your first time in New York and you were just happy to take in this small portion of what the city had to offer. The farmer’s market here was similar to the ones you’d been to back home, though the weather would take some getting used to, not like you needed to. You’d be back in Chicago before you knew it.

You found a small flea market-type area towards the back of the farmers market. Vendors gathered around selling handmade items and keepsakes. A few minutes into your perusal of the area you found a vendor selling handmade clothing items. A pretty cami dress caught your eye that the vendor exclaimed you just had to have, and who were you to turn down a beautiful dress selling for a decent price in the streets of New York.

With the dress nicely tucked away into a paper bag gently swinging from your arm, you decided it was time to make your way back to the entrance of the farmers market and wait for Carmy. On your journey back you stopped at a vendor selling handmade leather goods, a particular leather wallet drawing your attention.

The familiarity of it caused you to let loose a shuddering breath, the small item reminded you of Mikey’s wallet. Although his was more used, worn in. Standing on this street and looking down at the pristine wallet in front of you was almost like looking at a replica.

You remembered asking him once why he chose to use the ratty old thing and the smart-ass response he had given you. The fact that an inanimate object that had no ties to Mikey was causing this sort of reaction inside you, felt too real, it felt like grief was prepared to sink its claws into you.

And you couldn’t allow it, because you were in New York finally on somewhat good terms with Carmy. And Mikey would be waiting for your return to Chicago, eager to hear about your time with his little brother.

“Would you like to buy it, miss?” Your eyes found the vendors, a forced smile tracing your lips.

You slowly shook your head feeling a little bad for turning down goods from a small business, you just didn’t need the wallet, especially not one that would remind you of him every day.

The walk back to the farmers market felt melancholy: the promise to yourself to compartmentalize Mikey and his situation was becoming harder the more time you spent alone. Your search for Carmy became more urgent the longer you couldn’t find him. The racing images of Mikey’s casket swirling with your recent moments spent in Carmy’s presence.

You didn’t want to burden Carmy with the debilitating thoughts you were having, not wanting to ruin the good thing the two of you had going. Neither of you brought up the elephant in the room and it seemed like neither of you was going to. The both of you content to live in momentary bliss for the time you had together.

It felt like you were spiraling and all because of some stupid too similar fucking wallet. You finally made your way to the entrance of the market hoping Carmy would know to look for you there.

Carmy gathered the ingredients necessary for the dinner he planned for tonight, luckily for him the restaurant was closed on Sundays so he could spend the day with you.

He still wasn’t sure that any of this was real. You showing up outside his apartment at two in the morning, holding you as you slept, and now adventuring out to the market he frequented, it all felt like a dream.

There was one last stop Carmy needed to make before he met up with you. He made his way to the old flower vendor who was always the first one here to ensure he set up a show at the entrance. Carmy had his fair share of conversations with the man but had never actually bought any flowers off of him, but today was the day that changed.

“Carmen is that you?” Carmy raised his head from the flowers he was glancing at, the old man sitting on the stool smiling his way.

“Yes sir. How you doing today Willie?” Carmy wasn’t much into friends or acquaintances since the two of you parted ways all those years ago, but Willie was a special case. Always kind, on Carmy’s first visit to this particular market the older man had explained to him the layout and gave him insider information about what times were best to come to ensure he got the freshest ingredients from each vendor.

“You thinking about buying something today son?” The older man rose from his seated position plopping the paper he was reading in his place.

Carmy nodded eyes going back to the various flowers to choose from. This wasn’t Carmy, he had never done something like this, not willingly at least. But he knew flowers could symbolize different things, and have different meanings. And if he couldn’t figure out how to be straightforward and speak with you, maybe a hand-picked bouquet could solve that issue.

“Looking for anything in particular?” He glanced at Willie, a slight frown marring his face, he genuinely had no idea.

Carmy chuckled, hand raising to scratch the nape of his neck, “I’m not sure Willie.” He felt a little embarrassed. How was he to translate his feelings to you through horticulture if he knew nothing about flowers and their meanings.

“Well help me out boy, tell me who they’re for an maybe I can whip something up for you.” It was like perfect timing as Carmy heard your voice trickling into his ears. You were standing on the other side of the entrance phone to your ear as you spoke to somebody, a look of exhaustion on your features.

Carmy’s eyes caught yours as you glanced in his direction, he watched that beautiful smile appear as you quickly ended the call with whoever you were talking to, smile mirroring yours as you two stared at each other across the distance. Your hand raised in a shy wave smile growing wider as Carmy reciprocated the gesture.

“Now Carmen, why didn’t you tell me these were for your old lady,” Carmy’s head shot around to find Willie smirking at him from his side of the booth. “Is that the young lady in that picture you keep in your wallet?”

Carmy watched frozen, as Willie moved around his booth, trying his best to figure out when the older man had ever caught a glance at the picture of you two. “Uh, she’s just a friend sir.”

“Listen, boy, you can lie to yourself, but you can’t lie to me. And I know you betta not be lying to that pretty girl over there.” The flowers in Willie’s hand were used to point in your direction.

“I saw the way she looked at you just now son, that girl is in love,” Carmy listened as Willie began constructing the bouquet, ears tuned to what the man was saying.

“I’ll give it to you straight boy, you’re gonna regret every chance you didn’t take with that young lady. Now I don’t know the situation between you two, but what I do know is that you look at that girl like she invented oxygen, I know because that’s how I looked at my Debbie.” Carmy was raptly intrigued with Willie’s words, watching the sad smile take over his lips as he mentioned his recently deceased wife.

“And from our interactions you don’t seem to me like the type to let rare opportunities pass you by,” the bouquet seemed to be pretty much finished, the older man just putting the final touches. “Now you give that pretty young lady this here bouquet, you make her a nice dinner like I’m sure you planned. And you let her know how much you appreciate her.”

Carmy nodded his head rapidly trying to take in everything the older man said. His breath hitched in his throat as he watched Willie wave you over to them.

“Excuse me miss? Why don’t you come on over here and join us.” Carmy could feel the panic rising within him.

“N- Willie No don-.”

“Hush up boy and introduce me to your lovely girl.” You stopped next to Carmy eyes widening as you took in the unknown man's words.

You looked at Carmy as he brought his hand up to swipe across his mouth, a tight-lipped smile lining his lips afterwards.

“Hi sweetie I’m Willie Carmen’s only friend in this city,” you laughed as the man winked at you before holding his hand out listening as you introduced yourself.

“It’s nice to meet you Willie, you have some beautiful flowers, do you harvest them yourself?” The man in front of you waved off the compliment with a serene smile on his face.

“My wife and I started selling at this market 20 years ago. This is my first year without her.” The smile on your lips faltered as you offered your condolences.

“Now I don’t wanna keep you too long, but this bouquet here is for you to miss.” You looked at Carmy before your eyes found Willie’s again, your cheeks warming at what the man was insinuating.

“Oh um, thank you so much. How much do I owe you?” Your wallet was out and ready in your hand, Carmy’s hand shooting out to stop you as he thrust money forward.

“Y’all put that money away now,” Willie shook his head scoffing at the idea of either of you paying.

He held out the bouquet in your direction, the smile lining his face urged you to take it. You couldn’t help but marvel at the beautiful bouquet, the colorful assortment helping to ease the foreboding feeling you had earlier.

“Our friend Carmen here chose each of those flowers,” you looked in Carmy’s direction, the blush on his face so endearing to you. “I went on ahead and tucked a card in there with their meanings. You two make a fine pair, don’t let life get in the way of the love you share, you hear me?”

You nodded avoiding Carmy’s eyes like your life depended on it, easily listening to the wisdom Willie was bestowing upon the two of you.

The clearing of Carmy’s throat finally drew your attention from the wise older man in front of you. “Thank you Willie really, but we should be heading home.”

Willie nodded a pleasant smile on his lips, “Damn right! The two of you holdin up my business.” The older man shooed the two of you off a chuckle followed his gesture.

“It was nice meeting you Willie, thank you again for the beautiful bouquet.” You sent him one last wave before you and Carmy moved away from the booth.

“It’s a gorgeous bouquet Carmy,” you glanced over the flowers before your eyes locked with Carmy’s, a loving smile splitting your face.

Carmy smiled, unconsciously reaching out to move a stray piece of hair from your eyes, hurriedly dropping his hand and clearing his throat. “Let’s get them home and into some water yeah?” Carmy’s eyes darted around doing his best not to stare at you for too long.

You looked down trying to hide your smile, the word ‘home’ filled you with warmth. Your hand reached out to intertwine his with your own, avoiding Carmy’s eyes as they finally focused on you, “Lead the way.”

The two of you entered the small apartment, your laughs filtering through the hallway and into the entranceway. A run-in with Carmy’s neighbor across the hall was responsible for the now-dying laughter between the two of you.

“Is she always like that?” You stopped allowing Carmy to help you out of your jacket before he hung it up. You turned to him, taking the bags out of his hand as you made your way to the kitchen. Setting them on the counter before searching for something to hold your flowers.

Carmy followed behind you after removing his own coat, hands falling to your waist as he moved around you to unload the few groceries he had gotten for tonight. “She uh, airdropped me a nude once, so right now was pretty tame I guess.”

Your headshot to Carmy’s everything in you holding back the laugh that was desperately trying to escape. “Poor girl. Did you send one back?” You nudged your elbow into his watching as the blush on his cheeks deepened.

He maneuvered around you trying to ignore your teasing, “God no, we uh went out for drinks once, it was cool.”

The crumbs he was giving you surprised you, “And nothing like came out of that?”

“I dunno was something supposed to?” Carmy made sure not to give you direct attention, mortified that he was even having this conversation with you in his kitchen.

“Well did you want it to?” You didn’t know why you had latched onto this topic of conversation so hard, it reminded you of the times Carmy would ramble to you about Claire. And if you were just spending the weekend with a friend wasn’t this the type of conversation you should be engaging in?

Carmy turned to you as you finally found a glass big enough to support the bouquet, he watched as you filled the glass with water before trimming the stems. “Not with her, no.”

You looked up to see Carmy finally looking at you with a serious expression painting his flushed face. You couldn’t help it as your eyes dropped to his lips, clocking the subtle peak of his tongue poking out as he wet his lips.

Carmy made his way towards you, Willie's words from earlier bouncing around in his head. He pulled the flower from your hand and placed it in the large glass he wasn’t even aware he had. He cleared his throat hoping he had enough confidence to get these words out.

“I’m gonna start on dinner, and you’re gonna go get ready,” his hand came up to hold the left side of your jaw, finger finding the spot behind your ear he always took special care to remember. “I want you to put on that pretty little dress you were gushing about on the way home.” Carmy stopped watching as you nodded your head showing that you were paying attention.

“Can you do that for me?” His eyes traced your face looking for any signs that you were uncomfortable.

Your lidded eyes lazily blinked up at him a quiet ‘yes’ escaped through your parted lips. A small smile rested on Carmy’s lips as he leaned in to plant a delicate kiss on your forehead, lips lingering for a moment too long.

He reluctantly removed himself from you waiting for you to scurry off. Surprised when you took a step closer to him and leaned in, a gentle press of your lips connecting to the corner of his. Carmy watched as you pulled away and smiled at him before taking your leave.

Carmy stood in his kitchen for a minute, heart racing as he realized what he had just done. The only place Carmy had ever been in control was in the kitchen, so maybe that’s why it was so easy for him to take control in that moment, well that and Willie’s lecture.

He was sure it would never happen again as he began preparing the ingredients for the lasagna he planned to make for the two of you.

You and Carmy had switched places a few minutes ago after he walked in on you wrapped in a towel and profusely apologized for almost a whole minute. You easily slipped into your dress while Carmy was in the shower.

As you walked into the living room you could smell the delicious aroma of the cuisine Carmy prepared for the two of you. You were glad to be out of Carmy’s presence for the time being, your brain doing its best to process the moment the two of you had shared in the kitchen.

The cold shower you took did nothing to calm down the feelings swirling around inside you. You had never seen Carmy so in control of anything in his life, the demanding tone he used with you earlier almost had you making a fool of yourself right there in his kitchen.

A constant beep coming from the oven drew your attention, you quickly made your way to the kitchen grabbing a towel to remove the hot dish from its place resting in the oven. You couldn’t help but marvel at the pretty lasagna in your hands. It was a bit weird to describe food as pretty, but the presentation was generally pleasing to the eyes.

You walked to the countertop to set the dish down, turning to search through the kitchen for plates and utensils. Having a slightly hard time as you had no idea where anything was located at.

“Baby?” The sound of Carmy’s voice startled you, not having heard him make his approach.

You turned in his direction, a light laugh leaving your lips. It was a bit comical, the two of you dressed nicely, feet bare in his New York apartment. You took in his appearance biting your lip as you spotted his chain that encouraged you to do sinful things. He was dressed in probably the only slacks he owned, the ankles cuffed since he wasn’t wearing shoes. The deep green crew neck hugging his body was similar in color to the dress you were wearing, the unexpected matching caused another laugh to leave your lips.

The box in his hand finally caught your attention, it appeared to be a present of some sort. You pointed at it with the random spoon you had picked up while searching for cutlery.

“What’s that?” You furrowed your brows as you watched Carmy revert to his usual shy self.

He held the gift out to you, “Go ahead, open it.” Your hand brushed his as you took the box from his hold feeling a bit giddy at the unsolicited gift.

Carmy held his breath as he watched you open a five-year-old gift in his kitchen. You looked beautiful and he wanted to tell you but couldn’t seem to force the words out too enthralled with the intimate atmosphere that had been surrounding the two of you since earlier in the kitchen.

Carmy was a fool for leaving you the morning after Christmas and knowing that he let Mikey down when it came to you haunted him. He was glad to have these days with you, it wasn’t healthy but the two of you were providing a distraction for each other.

“Carmy oh my goodness,” the gasp of your breath brought Carmy back to reality. His cheeks warmed at seeing you so happy. “How much did this even cost you, these things are like relics.” Your eyes flashed to the smile on your face seeming to brighten up the kitchen.

“It doesn’t matter, I bought this for Christmas and just…I never sent it.” He was prepared for you to scold him for his stupidity, tell him you didn’t care for the gift, and that you couldn’t play pretend with him anymore.

The press of your warm body against his surprised him, quickly wrapping his arms around your waist. Holding onto you so tightly scared that if he let you go then you would disappear and he’d realize this weekend was just a dream.

“I love it Carmy really, thank you.” Your arms were still wrapped around his neck as the two of you gazed into each other's eyes.

“Can I,” Carmy paused a laugh escaping his lips at the similarities between this moment and a past one you shared. “Can I kiss you?”

You wasted no time before you leaned forward pressing a sweet kiss into his lips lingering for a moment to translate the love you felt for him. Carmy’s hand moved up to your jaw, keeping you locked in place against him, his tongue slipping out to caress your bottom lip.

You slowly opened your mouth allowing him in, the softness of his tongue exploring the warmth of your mouth. The kiss was slow, sensual, all the pent-up emotions being shared between the two of you.

The rhythm Carmy set was easy for you to follow along with, you took the chance to suck on his tongue a bit, losing yourself in the feelings this one kiss was bringing forth.

You parted from Carmy reluctantly, a small smile raised to your lips as you watched him chase you for more. A soft moan escaped you as he began decorating kisses down your jaw and to your neck, tilting your head back to allow him better access, surprise painting your features as he raised you to sit on his counter.

Carmy continued to study you with his lips, tracing down your pulse point and across your collarbone. It would never be enough for him, he would never be able to satisfy his hunger for you no matter how much of your skin his lips could paint.

The soft whimpers snatched from your lips going straight to his groin, his hips unconsciously canting against your leg that was in perfect alignment.

“Touch me Carmy…please,” Carmy swore he could cum from the sound of your begging alone.

But he stopped his ministrations, the realization that he had no idea what he was doing hitting him like a ton of bricks.

You watched as Carmy pulled away from you chest rapidly puffing up and down as the confusion swept across your face. “Carmy?” Your voice trailed off you couldn’t help the hurt you were feeling, here you were sitting atop Carmy’s kitchen counter dress hiked up to your waist the lacy underwear you had chosen to wear in full view, the straps of your dress pulled down precariously low that the top of your areolas was peeking out.

You quickly adjusted the top of your dress before hopping off the counter and pulling down the hem. Eyes filling with tears as you were brought back to prom night, memories re-playing all the hurt that came after it.

Carmy’s head shot up from its place in his hands the tears in your waterline and the way you had shrunken into yourself making him feel like a complete fucking asshole.

“Shit no Baby…I-Fuck!” Carmy watched as you jolted a little at the shout of his voice, he was fucking this up more than it already was.

“Hey, hey,” he closed the distance between the two of you, raising his hands to your jaw and forcing you to look at him. “Baby, I-I’m sorry it's just…I don’t,” Carmy took a deep breath trying to gain his bearings. “I’ve never done this stuff before.”

Carmy’s eyes followed the emotions crossing your face, a frown painting your face before your eyes widened and your lips parted in the shape of an ‘o’.

“Carmy…have you never been intimate with anyone before?” Carmy knew your question wasn’t teasing or malicious but he couldn’t help feeling embarrassed at having to admit this to you.

“I uh, you were my first kiss…and my second kiss just now,” Carmy hung his head in shame, blush rising from his neck to stain his cheeks.

“Oh my goodness I’m such an asshole,” Carmy looked up at you a chuckle escaping him at your declaration. Your hand reached out to rest against his cheek thumb caressing back and forth. “Carmy I thought you were rejecting me.” Now it was your turn to feel shameful, your first thoughts being selfish ones as opposed to waiting to hear Carmy’s explanation.

Carmy’s hand came up to grip yours on his cheek, head turning to place a soft kiss on your pulse point. “Let’s sit and eat, yeah?” Carmy waited for your response, smiling at you as you nodded. “I wanna spend as much time together as we can.”

You pulled him into a sweet kiss, his hands squeezing your waist at the feeling of being able to freely kiss you “I’d like that.” You pulled away the two of you sharing bright smiles as you moved to have the dinner Carmy had so lovingly planned out.

Neither of you pointed out the fact that things would be coming to an end for you two tomorrow, but you’d bask in this loving atmosphere for all the remaining time you two had together.

You could feel soft lips pressing into the space behind your left ear, your first instinct was worry. Confused by the warm body pressed into you from behind strong arms gripping your waist as though you would disappear at a moment's notice. The memories of the last day with Carmy led you to relax.

A quiet sniffle finally woke you up enough, your eyes opening to the dimly lit room. A familiar head of hair tucked snuggly into your neck, and slight huffs of breaths could be heard.

“Carmy?” The raspiness of your morning voice echoed around the room, you could hear the breathing quiet down a bit, concern spiking in you.

You began turning wanting to comfort the man you had been in love with for most of your life, it was a struggle as the arms around you tightened but you finally turned to your side Carmy burying his face in your t-shirt-clad chest.

“Carmy, honey,” the lack of response was beginning to worry you, you had shared your fair share of cries with Carmy throughout your friendship but considering the circumstances that brought you together this time around, you couldn’t help but freak out a bit. “Hey, hey look at me yeah?”

“I-I just need a minute please.” The crack of Carmy’s voice went straight to your heart. He maneuvered so the top of his body was laying on your chest and stomach, his lower body settling gently between your legs.

You leaned forward pressing a lingering kiss to his head before lying back down and slowly stroking your fingers through his hair, wanting to make him as comfortable in this moment as you could. You were content to hold him all day if that’s what he needed.

The two of you laid like that for a while, Carmy’s breathing and sniffling calming down after a few minutes. You watched as Carmy propped himself up on his elbows, pressing a small kiss into the fabric of your shirt over your stomach, a small smile rising to your lips as you watched him.

“Talk to me, Carm?” You watched as he looked up to you, pretty blue eyes swollen from the tears he’d been shedding.

Carmy moved up a little resting his cheek against your sternum arms wrapped tightly around you, “Uhh, Sug called, said Mikey left something for me.”

It was quiet as you let his words sink in, a shuddering sigh leaving you as your hands unconsciously began running back through Carmy’s hair.

You felt Carmy’s hand slip under the shirt of his you were borrowing, fingers gliding across the skin of your stomach lazily tracing circles. The small gesture helped to relax you a bit.

“Did she say anything else?” Your fingernails softly scratched into Carmy’s scalp, the two of you trying to touch each other as much as you possibly could.

Carmy’s chuckle drew your attention, “She uh, asked me to come home.”

Your nails stopped for a minute before you started up again, heart jumping a little in your chest at the idea of Carmy coming back to Chicago, “Are you…going to go home?” The hope in your voice borders on desperation.

Carmy was silent for a moment, hands moving to lift your shirt just underneath your breast before he placed his warm cheek back in its previous position. The news skin-on-skin contact sends chills through both of you.

“Everything with Mikey kinda made me think about us.” Carmy’s thumb came up, to caress against your rib, dangerously close to your breast. “It just kind of puts into perspective that the people you care about can be here one day…and gone the next.”

The avoidance of your original question was not lost on you, but Carmy opening up may have been better than whatever argument the initial qualm might impose.

“Baby I-,” you looked at Carmy as he adjusted his position one hand resting against your sternum, his chin plopping onto it. “I um.” He stopped, you followed his movements watching as his eyes closed and he took a deep breath.

“For a while, I’ve known that I feel something for you, but I-I don’t think I can give you what you want.” Your hand slipped from his hair to cup his cheek, hanging on to every word leaving his lips.

You sat up in bed. Carmy looked up at you as you held his chin in your hand, thumb softly tracing his lips as you committed his features to memory. The tiny scars marring his face, the few beauty marks dotted around, connecting them would create a new constellation you swore you’d remember forever.

Carmy was honest with you, and that’s all you asked of him. Neither of you could promise each other a happy ending after you parted ways and while that hurt, it didn’t make sense to ruin the remaining time the two of you had left dwelling on the future.

“Carmen,” you waited for him to lock eyes with you, a sad smile spread across your features, tears you could no longer hold back coming forth. “I know.”

Carmy’s lips pressed into your thumb before he gently cupped your neck and reached up so your lips connected. This was only the third kiss the two of you shared, but the intangible love and intimacy that could be felt through the single press of your lips would never dwindle, not for as long as the two of you surrounded yourself with each other.

He raised to his knees both hands entrapping your face, all his passion being poured into this one kiss. Carmy was slightly above you now, the angle forcing you to raise your head to stay connected. His thumb began unconsciously caressing the ‘B’ behind your left ear, a small part of you that had stuck with him ever since he discovered it five years ago.

The kiss intensified as you slipped your tongue between his lips, hands gripping onto his hips as he towered above you in this position. Your tongue moved languidly inside his mouth, small noises escaping the both of you.

Carmy pulled the hair at the nape of your neck, the motion removing your lips from his. “Did you mean what you said?” His breath left him in a huff.

“What?” You were slightly out of breath yourself, confused at what the hell Carmy was on about.

“What you said about this,” his thumb swiped back and forth against the ‘B’ inked into your skin. “Would you take my last name?”

You bit your lip, eyes lidded as you searched Carmy’s face, hand moving to grip his soft chin between your forefinger and thumb raising onto your knees so the two of you were eye level.

“Would you like that Carmen? If I let you give me your last name?” A patronizing smile graced your lips, the air between you charged.

Carmy surged forward hungry for a taste of you, his hands gripped your hair to tug on it a strangled gasp leaving you. The strength with which Carmy took your lips into his forcing your back into the mattress beneath you two, his body hovering over yours.

Your hand left its place on his chin sliding down to his shoulders caressing the little skin his tank top allowed you to feel. Hands traveling across his chest, the feeling of his toned body under your palms making you needy. You finally made it to the hem of his shirt tugging it up to give you access to the warm skin of his torso.

Carmy parted from you, snatching the shirt over his head before diving back in. Lips leading him to his favorite feature of yours. Your hands wrapped around his shoulders pulling him flush against you, Carmy’s lips ravished your neck as he nipped from your jawline down to your pulse point, teeth sinking in a bit harder.

“Fuck Carmy.” The delicious feeling of Carmen's body against yours, his lips exploring you, hands gripping the skin of your revealed waist. All of it led to the thrust of your hips up into his, it was selfish but you needed him, not that you would force him but whatever he would give you would have to be enough.

Carmy’s sharp intake of breath drew your attention as his hips relentlessly ground into you, hand wandering up your shirt to cup your breast thumb accidentally tracing your nipple.

Your loud gasp alarmed him. He quickly parted from you saliva connected your lips together as you both took in each other’s disheveled appearances.

“Did I-did I do something wrong?” Sweet Carmy worried that he had ruined the moment.

You sat up rapidly shaking your head as you stared into his eyes, the both of you breathing heavily, “No, no it was great I promise.”

Carmy nodded gently tracing your jawline as he looked at you, “Baby…I want this moment with you.” The mumble made your heart race, this was a big deal it would change whatever this relationship between the two of you was.

“Carmy…we don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for.” You searched his eyes hoping he didn’t feel pressured by the noises you were making.

“Have you…done this before?” Carmy forced himself to keep looking at you regardless of the blush he could feel painting his cheeks.

The small nod you gave relieved him a bit, “Does that bother you?” You didn’t think Camry would mind but you knew the male species could be unpredictable.

“God no, I just don’t wanna disappoint you.” He finally looked away from you embarrassed to have admitted something so personal.

“You won’t.” You sent him a small smile before guiding his hands to the hem of your shirt helping him to pull it over your head. Watching his beautiful face take in everything you had to offer him.

His throat bobbed as he took in a large gulp, you could see the uncertainty in his eyes, proving you’d have to take the reins on this one, not that you minded. The thought of telling Carmy how to pleasure you warmed you up even more.

Your finger reached out to lift Carmy’s chin, directing his eyes to yours, “What do you want to do to me, Carmen?”

You watched as he blinked eyes tracing your figure, “I just wanna appreciate you, Baby.” The words left his lips in a whisper.

You were taken aback never having heard that before while being intimate. His hands slowly settled on your waist, the safest option “How should I…do that.”

You smiled moving one of his hands to cup your breast, shuddering at the skin-to-skin contact, “We can start with kissing, then I want you to do whatever feels right okay?”

Carmy nodded, giving your breast a slight squeeze a whimper drawing out of you, taking account of your reaction he gently began rubbing his thumb across your pebbled nipple watching your body writhe at the small action.

He leaned forward pressing a gentle kiss into your forehead, lips moving to your left cheek then your right. A small kiss pressed into each of your closed eyelids and the tip of your nose. Each corner of your lips got its turn before his lips found the space between your nose and upper lip. One more kiss pressed into your chin before finally ending with a sweet kiss to your lips, cherishing every inch of your face he had kissed.

Carmy made his way to your jawline, starting at the right side and tracing to your left, nipping every so often as he continued his journey. Lips slowly tracing from your jawline to your neck, he wasn’t sure what it was but seeing your neck on display for him made him feral, his hips grinding into your as he decorated your neck in love bites.

“Lay down f’me.” You eagerly listened watching as Carmy planted another soft kiss into your lips before following the map of your collarbones. Lips pressing into your upper chest as both hands came up to softly knead your breast.

You could feel Carmy’s hard-on pressing against you, as much as you were enjoying this, all you wanted in the world was to finally please Carmy. You slipped your hand between your bodies sliding into the waistband of his boxers, hand gripping him as a strangled moan parted his lips. The soft caress of your hand against him caused his head to spin, this felt different from the times he would stroke himself thinking about you.

“Does this feel good, Carmy?” Your voice was a little deeper, more sensual as you questioned him. “Do you wish it was me making you cum on those lonely nights, hmm?

“Fuck…yes.” The whine of his voice went straight to your core, spurring you on more.

Your strokes became a little firmer, applying more pressure to provide him more pleasure. His length twitched against your palm the more you rubbed. Carmy had lost all sense of his own ministrations grinding into your hand while still on top of you, he could feel himself close to ecstasy the feel of your warm body underneath him making him lose all control.

“Ba-Baby stop.” You froze immediately forcing your hormones under wrap, Carmy’s comfortability your priority.

“Are you okay Carm?” The worry in your voice was obvious as you removed your hand from its grip on him.

“Ye-yeah, I just want to please you right now.” Carmy’s hand moved to grip your rib cage thumb running back and forth against your under boob, “Can I continue showing my appreciation.” The slight desperation in his voice caused you to rapidly nod your head.

Carmy gave you a small shy smile, moving to kiss the spot he had been tracing during this time. His lips painted across your whole torso, paying extra attention to your stomach, ideas he wasn’t ready to give merit to racing through his mind as he did so.

Finally, he paused at your hips, the solid cotton panties you wore obscured his path, nose caressing the front of your panties as he took in a deep breath allowing your aroma to invade his senses. “Are you going to take off my panties, Carmy?” The condescending tone in your voice went straight to his throbbing cock.

He nodded, wasting no time in peeling the fabric from its home around your hips, ready to replace it with his bare hands. Carmy raised to his haunches, unconsciously licking his lips at the sight of your naked body sprawled so prettily across his bed. All of you on show just for him.

Carmy returned to his previous task lips pressing wet delicate kisses into each of your hips bones, a lingering one placed at the base of your pelvis before turning his attention to your thighs. Lips trailing down your leg special attention paid to the crook of your knees and ankles.

Carmy’s eyes found yours as he placed the last kiss on your right ankle, both of your pupils blown from the sequence of events that had just taken place.

You beckoned Carmy forward urging him to find you once again. As he drew closer you grabbed one of his hands placing it on your right breast before moving it down so it caressed the rest of your torso, and down your pelvis finally stopping before the place you needed his touch most.

This was your way of giving him an out, the two of you could stop right here if he wanted to, the slight nod of his head told you otherwise.

Your grip on his hand changed as you grabbed his forefinger and middle finger, your free hand parting your lower lips as you traced his fingers through your slick, a filthy moan escaping into the bedroom as Carmy’s calloused fingers finally stroked you.

“Do you feel that Carmy?” He nodded his head, eyes not leaving yours for a minute. “It's all for you, you made me feel this good.”

You moved his fingers lower watching his face as you glided his two fingers into you, biting your lower lip at the hunger in you that was finally being tended to.

Carmy’s mouth fell open as he watched the ecstasy wash over your face, lost in the feeling of touching you in the most intimate way he had ever touched anyone before. His head dropped, eyes watching as you slowly swallowed his fingers, in and out the movement making him achingly hard.

Carmy’s lips dropped to your ear a shy whisper caressing your ear, “I want to be inside you.” The vulnerability in Carmy’s voice caused you to bite your lip, satisfied that he was finally speaking up about what he wanted.

“You are.” You teased him, clenching around his digits as his eyes drank you in.

You let out a whine as he removed his fingers from your grip, hand pressing your hip into the bed as he stared you down. “Please…I want this…with you.” The words unsaid weighing heavily between you two.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” You watched as he slipped out of his boxers, stroking himself as you watched and waited for your instructions. You motioned for him to lay atop you more noses brushing as he got into position, “I’ll guide you, but I need you to go slow okay, it’ll be a tight fit.”

Carmy nodded his head, neither of you daring to ask about any contraception too lost in the thoughts of finally connecting in ways the two of you had only dreamed of.

You would come to regret the consequences of this decision later.

A smile split your lips before you surged up to capture Carmy’s lips, needing to distract yourself.

You guided him to your entrance only allowing the tip to go in to not overwhelm Carmy. Your mouth fell open in the shape of an ‘o’ as Carmy eagerly thrust into you, your hand raised to his shoulder to stop his movements.

“Carm, slowly, please.” His eyes met yours taking in the slight pain that his intrusion had caused, he nodded hand raising to cup your cheek.

“You look so beautiful like this.” A tender moment was shared between the two of you as you urged Carmy to continue his journey, shuddered moans escaping the both of you as he reached the hilt.

The feeling of finally being full with Carmy made you emotional, both of you just taking a moment to gaze at each other. Appreciating the finality of this all, Carmy leaned down to kiss a tear running down your cheek that escaped, his own eyes welling up, neither of you could find the right words to cement how much this moment meant to the two of you.

Carmy pulsed inside you the movement caused you to clench around him, “You did so good for me Carmy.” The praise went straight to his cock, eyes rolling back at how good a few words made him feel.

“Can you move for me, Carm, it’ll make us both feel good.” The soft thrust of his hips was enough for you.

He continued the slow motion of his hips, eyes connected with yours as the ghost of those three words he struggled to say filtered between the two of you. Your hand raised to wipe the single tear sliding down his cheek.

Nothing in the world could take this moment from the two of you. If Aphrodite could tell the story of your love she would describe it as a tangible heartbreaking thing always growing, and most times fleeting. Something both you and Carmy could touch, feel, and breathe. The love filtering between the two of you was clear as day to anyone who had a heart.

The warm muscular hand pressed into the flesh of your hip bone driving you crazy. The fingers pressed into you harder and harder with each accompanying thrust. One hand pressed into the pillow by your head keeping the body atop of you from crushing you under its weight. You appreciated the cautionary position, but you had longed for this connection for what felt like ages and you would gladly welcome the weight of the perspiring chest burying you further into the mattress.

A golden gleam caught your eye taking you away from how the tattooed knuckles flexed against your hip every few seconds. You looked to see his golden chain dangling back and forth above your face, taunting you. The sway of the metal matched the rocking motion of his hips, the synchronicity of the two things driving you absolutely wild. Eyes concentrated on the gold chain it was almost like a switch was flipped in you and the catalyst was that fucking gold chain.

Your eyes moved to his face, his pupils blown wide as he stared down at you. You parted your lips his intense gaze causing you to clench down on him unconsciously, his eyes rolling back as his hand left its spot on your hip traveling up your torso thumb softly brushing over your nipple as it found its destination cupping your cheek with such intensity you were sure the shape of his thumb would be imprinted onto your jaw.

His eyes found yours once more, his thumb moving a few inches to softly caress your bottom lip. Your mouth opened on instinct to leisurely suck on his digit a hoarse ‘Fuck’ leaving the warm body that was making you feel so good. You released his thumb, feeling it tug at your bottom lip as his hand found its way back to your cheek.

You watched him above you, the ecstasy in his eyes warming your skin, you’d do anything to be able to please him if he always looked at you in that way. The flash of gold from his chain caught your attention again, the angle of his thrust causing you to gasp, a softly whispered moan of “Carmy,” leaving your lips. Carmy’s chain hovered above your open mouth begging to be taken between your teeth, you appeased your desires, your tongue latching onto the chain as you brought it to settle between your teeth. Carmy’s hips fucking into you at a slightly faster pace, your leg wrapping around his waist the heel of your foot pressing into his back to bring the two of you impossibly closer.

“Fuck-Baby, shit!” Watching Carmy struggle for words had never been as sexy as it was at that moment. Knowing that you were the cause of his incoherent muttering.

“Please, Carmy,” another gasp ripped through you, your teeth losing hold of Carmy’s signature gold chain. “Mmm yes, Carmen. Just like that.” You settled for whispering in his ear, the new position you had chosen had his head resting against your collarbone, his ear directly next to your mouth. You could feel Carmy’s hand moving from your cheek to clench your jaw between his thumb and remaining fingers. His hand moved your head to reveal your neck the feeling of soft wet kisses making a path to your ear, Carmy’s thrust slowing slightly.

You could feel his breath against your cheek, the soft whine he let out as your cunt clenched around him. His lips pressed against the shell of your ear, “Say that again.” His rough voice traveled through you, the thumping of your clit beating faster and faster.

“Just like that.” You moaned wanting to please him as much as he wanted to please you.

His fingers dug into your chin, the roughness of his touch causing a high-pitched moan to leave your lips. “Sa-say my name?” The request made your head spin.

“Carm-,” Carmy’s hand returned to its earlier position holding himself above you causing your leg to drop back to the bed.

“N-no,” the strain in his voice was evident as he tilted your head down to stare directly into your eyes. “M-my name sa-say it. Please.”

You bit your lip his whiny plea going straight to your clit. Your hand reachesdup to match his fingers gripping his chin firmly. Your blown pupils searching his wide doe eyes. It was hard to distinguish where the blue began and the black ended. Your faces were inches apart, you could tell from his breathing that your grip on his chin stirred something inside him. The soft rocking of his hips into yours caused your bottom lips to caress each other in the rhythm he had set.

“Carmen.” The syllables of his name left your mouth in a wanton moan, there was a moment where the thrusting of Carmy’s hips came to a slow stop before he surged forward and messily captured your lips in a kiss full of tongues and moans. Carmy’s hips began rutting into yours, the speed and intensity sending you both into a spiral. Your hand lost its grip on his chin to slither between your bodies matching Carmy’s pace and applying it to your clit.

The grip on your chin was gone as Carmy’s hand followed the path yours had previously taken sending a soft squeeze to your breast. “Te-teach me how.” God you could’ve cum from that sentence alone. You began rapidly nodding your head before placing your hand atop his own guiding his index and middle finger into generously massaging your clit.

“Car-Carmen, don’t stop please don’t stop.” Your voice leaves you in a sharp cry.

“Yeah? Is this good?” Your unabashed moan did more to answer Carmy’s question than any words could.

“Carmeee, I’m gonna come, please.” The banging of the headboard against the wall an indication of just how fast Carmy was thrusting into you.

“Whe-where should I-,” You could hear the slight panic in Carmy’s voice, assuming he was on the cusps of an orgasm as well.

“In me Carmy jus- all of it.” His fingers pressed into your clit going at a pace your brain couldn’t keep up with.

The speed of Carmy’s breathing increased. His head finding its way back into the crook of your neck, lips scattering kisses across your neck, “I’ll give it to you all. M’ gonna give you everything.” The sound of Carmen’s voice so quiet you weren’t sure if he had intended anyone else’s ears to hear it.

Whatever Carmen’s intentions his words were the last thing you needed to hear before bliss took over your senses. Your orgasm washed over you in waves, the intensity causing loud moans to escape your lips, clenching Carmy’s cock so hard you were sure it must’ve been painful.

Riding the high of your orgasm, Carmen’s deep drawn-out groan vibrated into your neck as you felt him give two final rapid thrusts before the dam he had been holding back finally burst inside you. You felt his thrust slow down as he began peppering kisses across your face, “Thank you, thank you.” His voice trailed off into a whisper before his full body weight settled into you.

Now that the bed was no longer threatening to put a hole through his wall, the only sound filling the bedroom was the panting breaths you and Carmy were letting out.

Carmy looked up at you, the wetness on his cheeks matching yours. His forehead leaned against yours the vulnerability the two of you had for each other on full show. Breaths of love were shared between you as your lips gently touched. You knew the words you wanted to say at this moment, felt them so deep in your soul that your tears wouldn’t cease their downpour.

But you also knew how flighty the beautiful man in front of you was, it hurt but you would once again have to swallow your love for this man to ensure he remained in your life.

You laughed as Carmy hovered atop of you the Polaroid he gifted you in his hands the device raised to his eye. Your arm was thrown over your face the fact that the two of you were in this position at all still mind blowing . Carmy nudged your arm, he had been snapping photos of you for a while now, both of you ignoring the fact that he should have been getting ready for work instead of laying with your naked body barely covered under him.

“Show me that smile, pretty girl,” you slowly moved your arm, the smile splitting your face hard to control. “You seem to like my chain so much, I want to remember what you look like in it.” Carmy could be devilish when he wanted to, the way he would sometimes gain confidence and say what was on his mind, throwing you for a loop.

Your eyes left the camera in his hand as you stared at his face, so enchanted with who Carmy was as a person. Only being jolted out of your trance as the Polaroid fluttered out of the camera and landed on the center of your chest.

Carmy moved the camera smiling down at you before picking up the photo and examining it, the corner of his lips ticking up in a half smile. He placed the picture on the other pillow where all the other Polaroids were sprawled out. You watched as he set the camera down next to your head cupping your jaw before leaning down and pressing a firm kiss into your forehead a mumbled ‘Perfect’ escaped his lips.

“Will you take a picture with me Carmy,” your words came out shyly hoping he would agree. You felt his nose nuzzle into your neck planting a small kiss on your tattoo before moving to lay next to you in the bed.

Carmy pulled the photo out waiting for it to develop as he looked in your direction. A wide grin took over his face just by looking at you, your hand began lowering the camera before his hand shot out and raised your hand, and the camera back up quickly pressing your finger into the button to capture this moment in time.

You let him grab the camera from your hands before he placed it on the nightstand, once again holding your face in place as the two of you shared your softest kiss yet.

— — — —

You watched as Carmy maneuvered around his room slipping into a clean pair of chef whites, he was late and you could tell he was panicking on the inside but didn’t want to worry you. The two of you had wasted away in the shower washing each other's bodies and holding each other under the hot spray of water. Neither of you wanted to leave the confines of the shower, knowing your time together was finally expiring.

You sat on the bed with your legs pulled up to your chest, chin resting atop them, a fresh pair of panties, and his deep green crew neck from last night your only form of clothing. The tension between the two of you had been broken the moment Carmy realized just how behind schedule he was, shoving reality down your throat as the game of pretending the two of you had been playing was finally snuffed out.

Carmy’s eyes landed on you in his rush clocking the glaze of your eyes, head not rationalizing why you might be upset at the moment. Finally gathering all his necessities he rushed over to you kneeling in front of you pressing one last kiss onto your forehead.

“I’ll be home soon, yeah.” You closed your eyes, the words breaking your heart into pieces.

“Yeah, be safe okay?” Carmy smiled, capturing your lips in his for the last time tonight hand cupping the back of your head to hold you in place.

The two of you separated small side smiles mirroring each other, both of you knew that Carmy would return home to an empty apartment tonight, but neither of you would voice that truth.

You followed him to the front door needing to see him off before your return to Chicago. He opened the door lingering between the door and the hallway hand gripping yours before pressing a soft kiss into the pulse point at your wrist.

You shared small smiles as Carmy made his way to leave, sending you one last wave before he disappeared down the hallway.

Your closed the door, forehead pressing into it as you stood there trying to gain your bearings, doing your best to control your tears as you knew this moment was inevitable.

A soft “I love you, Carmen.” Breathed into the empty apartment soft enough for it to feel like a ghost had whispered those words and not you.

But not quiet enough that the man who returned on the other side of the door missed the declaration.

Heart thudding in his chest. His hand ready to turn the keys in the doorknob dropped to his side. His feet shuffled backward as he took one last glance at the door before reverting to his journey to work.

He could go one day without his signature chain that he had so lovingly placed around your delicate neck.

a/n: idk what to say really…enjoy : ) [actually no this is my first smut so please let’s learn from carmy’s mistakes and don’t come for me 😉] i’m like the only person on the planet who thinks i’m funny that’s how laughable it is 😭

taglist: @wheredidmycrowngo @hawkins-2000 @elliesbabygirl @allbark-no-bite @anakinswh0re3005 @rexorangecouny @thecraziestcrayon @fruitcupsworld @nishinoyahhh @lilylovelyxo @ridingthehotmessexpress @noas-ark @jadeittic @hellokittyever @luvr-bunnyy @sxgees @fandomhopped @kravitzwhore @chanluuvr @readingwiththereids @chims-kookies @ladygrey03 @ferida-kahlo @wanderlustnightwanderer @how2besalty @armydrcamers @jointherebellion215 @jackierose902109 @blkbxrbie-esther @ajordan2020 @head-slut-in-charge @magnet-girl @thebookwormlife @sevikasblackgf @writers-hes @senassn @bunnysthngs @gabbycoady13 @randomhoex @mattmurdocksstarlight @shinebright2000 @royalestrellas @jam1esl0v4 @globetrotter28 @dankfarrick29 @r0s3mm @flowersgirl02 @beingalive1 @fairytale07 @saturnheart @recklessgiraffelife @khena @kailyn-g05 @ovaqma @fire-treasure-iii @frequentnosebleeder @gcidrvsh @awatt31 @cauliflowerpatch

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#baby letting men pump and dump her #TRUE!#carmen kept telling her that he can’t give her the commitment that she wants #BUT YET SHE STILL STAYED AND COOKED BREAKFAST FOR HIM AND SLEPT WITH HIM WENT TO THE FARMERS MARKET TOGETHER!! ACTED LIKE A FREAKUNG COUPLE #and in the end carmen was like i’ll see you when i get home… like SIR she’s gonna have to leave…#YOU SAID YOU CANT GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS!!#YALL NEED TO MAKE UP YOUR MINDS LIKE WHAT DO YOU WANT! (#WELL THE SMUT WAS PERFECTION 🤌🏻#virgin!carmy is so real #i probably have more to say but i can’t think of anything else #carmen berzatto x reader #the bear fic

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navalcriminalimagines · 3 years ago

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Hi I've had a rough day can I get an Alden Parker fic with 18,21,&25 pleaseeee 🥺

I’m sorry to hear that, sweetie! I hope this will make your day a little better ❤️ Take care of you, I love you! 😘

18 “It’s not bad to cry. In fact, I think it makes a person stronger.”

21 “I’ve had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with.”

25 “Please talk to me about it.”

Bad day

You missed Alden.

You missed your friend.

Since he got fired from the FBI, and ended up joining NCIS, you haven’t really seen much of him. You were both busy with your jobs, and you weren’t sure how he felt about you. Him being fired how a shock and a surprise to everyone, he had to clean his stuff pretty fast, but you wished he had said goodbye.

But since he didn’t, you decided not to bother him. You exchanged texts here and there, taking news of each other but nothing more.

And you realized how important he was to you. He was your rock, he helped you keeping your sanity.

You missed him so bad. And after the day you had, he was the only one you wanted to be with. So you showed up at his place, unannounced. It was late, you were scared he may be sleeping or busy. But at least his car was there, so he had to be home.

Alden didn’t expect to see you at his place, this late. He was in his PJs, ready to go to bed. But when he opened his front door and saw you, he understood. You had that look on your face. “Hey,” you whispered. Softly smiling at you, Alden stepped to the side to let you in. “I hope I’m not—interrupting something.”

“I was about to go to bed, but that can wait.” He took a step closer to you, grabbed your hand and kissed your forehead. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah—“ there was many things you wanted to say, but at this moment, you could do was sinking for Alden’s arms. So, you hugged him and let out a deep breath when you felt him returning the hug.

“Are you okay?” He whispered.

You shook your head no. You weren’t okay. Not tonight.

You and Alden worked together for a few years, before his departure. He knew you. He knew how you were.

So he knew that you were holding back your tears. “It’s not bad to cry. In fact, I think it makes a person stronger.” He told you, and it was all you needed.

Alden held you through your meltdown. He held you close to him, stroked your hair and your back, he whispered in your ear that it was going to be okay, that he was there.

You stayed like this in the middle of his house for a moment. He didn’t rush you, he didn’t force you to talk. He just offered you comfort and tenderness, because he knew that it was what you needed for now.

“I miss you.” You managed to say once the cries stopped.

“I miss you, too.” He kissed your hair. “Come on,” he finally released his hold, but held your hand and guided you to his couch. He sat next to you, one arm around your shoulders and the other on your lap, where he was stroking your thigh. “Please talk to me about it.” He said.

You shook your head no though. “It’s just—I’ve had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with.”

“We can do that. I was told I’m good at cuddling,” he smiled and kissed your cheek. You chuckled at that and watched him go to his kitchen, where he grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses.

“Can I pick one of your vinyls to listen to?” You asked.

“Suit yourself.”

Alden opened the bottle and poured the drinks while you choose an album for his collection to listen to.

When the first song started, you settled back on the couch, next to Alden. He gave you one of the glasses, covered you with a blanket and invited you to rest your head on his chest. “Don’t leave me again.” You said.

Alden understood what you meant. “I won’t, I promise.”

It took a few drinks for you to talk about what was wrong. When you did, Alden listened to every word, and offered comforting words. But it didn’t matter what he said.

What mattered the most was that he was there, with you and for you.

#ncis #alden parker #ncis imagine #alden parker x you #alden parker imagine #alden parker x reader #ncis x reader #ncis fiction #alden parker fanfic

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babu-haitani · 3 years ago

Note

past!Kisaki, past!Hanma, Peh yan and Pah chin Reacting to an unexpected hug from a taller reader(platonic) please

YUUUHHH TAKE YOUR TIME

THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING THIS!!! I FEEL LIKE MY DAY HAS BEEN BLESSED!

A Hugger (Tokyo Revengers)

Genre: Fluff, Headcanons, A bit suggestive on Hanma's Part

Pairings: Kisaki, Hanma, Peh Yan, Pah Chin x G/N Reader

KISAKI TETTA

Kisaki hates it when his ego is being stepped.

He always wants to be the one on top, that's why he hates you and Hanma.

You two are both beasts!

"Kisakiiii, let me leave already!!" You whined at the blonde boy that was talking to his tall colleague.

"No, I told you...Hanma might need you with this one." The blonde boy replied as he glared at you, Hanma snickering behind him which you just rolled your eyes.

You had no say and just grumbled under your breath as Kisaki turned around to talk to Hanma once more, You just stared at Kisaki's back as you wait there patiently while you fiddle with your fingers. Waiting for Kisaki to actually give you orders.

'Kisaki is so fucking small...' You thought to yourself, that's when an idea popped into your head. It might work so he can let you go but it might also get you killed but who cares! You like teasing Kisaki anyways...

Standing up from your seat, Hanma stared at you confused as you walk over at Kisaki and snaked your long lanky arms around his neck, and hugged him.

"Kisakiiii pleaseeee!!" You whined as you lightly swayed him sideways.

"Fucking let me go, Y/N!" The boy growled as he tried to remove your arms around him but the height difference and strength difference isn't helping him at all!

"NO! I won't let go if you won't let me leave!!" You whined once more.

"FINE! just fucking leave and let me go! god damn it!" Kisaki yelled, a smile appeared on your face as you let go of him and hopped out of the abandoned arcade while singing a kid's song in a happy tone.

"Didn't know you were a hug lover, boss~" Hanma teased the short tanned boy in front of him.

"Shut up, Hanma...I'll kill you..." He threatened his friend but the tall man couldn't help but snicker at his friend's words when he threatens him with a faint blush on his cheeks.

HANMA SHUJI

...I don't even know what to say...

I headcanon Hanma as someone that makes everything sexual, like he's a virgin but his mouth isn't... (that came out wrong...)

Every time you hug him, he always adds any sexual jokes he can think of...

You were just minding your business but then you suddenly saw your tall lanky friend from the busy streets of Tokyo. I mean who wouldn't see him right away when he is the same height as you (but you're a bit taller than him by 8 inches).

Wanting to catch up to him and just annoy him for the rest of the day, you squeezed yourself in the crowd. When you can finally reach him, you grabbed his hand hugged him from behind.

"HANMA!!" You squealed at the boy, his back lightly shakes; indicating that he was laughing. Turning around to see you, he has his cheeky smile plastered on his face.

"You really wanna hold me that bad?~" He teased, you quickly let go of him as you showed him a disgusted face.

"Gross..." You spoke, still keeping the foul expression on your face.

The day just continued with you being annoyed instead of annoying Hanma. Mission Failed.

RYOHEI HAYASHI (PEH YAN)

*Insert Crying Babu* He is aggressive yet at the same time really REALLY! Adorable!

Man literally stopped functioning when you hugged him. I mean...you two are like close CLOSE friends but you both never really hugged each other.

Wrestled? YES! Hugged? NOO!

You just finished school and it was a good day, which means you're in a good mood. Your phone was fully charged the whole day, The canteen wasn't that crowded, You happened to grab the last piece of meat sub just in time earlier, and you also passed your math quiz earlier. LUCK WAS ON YOUR SIDE!

Skipping your way to your friend's location, you instantly saw him yelling at a short blonde kid. Smiling you rushed over to Peh Yan.

"PEH YANNNNNN!!!!" You yelled, everyone turned their heads over to you as you were running to your short friend with your arms spread open. Peh Yan looked at you wide-eyed and then...THUD!

You jumped on him and hugged him as if you were a small kid clinging onto their uncles trying to ask for money.

"Y/N! GET OFF OF ME! YOU'RE FUCKING HEAVY!!!!" Peh Yan yelled as he tried to push you off but failed, he can't punch you so he just laid there until you let go of him.

When you decided to let go, that's when the both of you stood up from the ground but instead of letting him free and do his business, you clung onto him more.

"W-wha?? What's up with you??!" Peh yelled as he looked up at you. You gave him a sweet grin.

"I'm just in a good mood today!! and I have wanted to hug you for a long time now! I just hadn't had the time to do it!" You cheerfully spoke as you swayed both you and Peh Yan, you can hear some of his friends laugh and tease him because of your clinginess but he just let you do your thing while he talks with his friends while stuttering. :>

HARUKI HAYASHIDA (PAH CHIN)

Teddy Bear...Soft...Huggable! <3

HE looks scary but I think he is the type to hug back <<<333

Really soft and really sweet! T^T <3

"Shida...I need comfort!!" You whined in between your sobs as you yell at your friend from the other line. Pah Chin winced from your sudden loudness, he knows that you recently got into a breakup but he didn't expect it to be this bad that you ended up crying.

"I'll be there with Peh in a few minutes, fucking calm your horses!" Pah yelled as he signaled his friend to come with him to your house.

"Can you bring some food?..." You sobbed and sniffled.

"I'm too stupid to bring you food! so no!" He retorted at you, giving excuses that he was too stupid to even stop by at a convenience store.

"PLEASSEEEE!!!" You started crying once more and then blew your nose on a tissue.

"Gross...Fine! I'll bring you snacks, be there in 15" Pah replied as he then stopped the call.

After a few minutes of waiting, you heard your doorbell ring. Standing up from your sit, you quickly rushed to your door and swung it open; revealing your short friend. Peh on the other hand looked up at you wide-eyed, This was the first time he ever saw you and he didn't expect you to be this tall!

"Shida!!" You whined as you went and hugged your friend, completely towering over him. Pah just rubbed circles on your back as he walked inside of your apartment, still hugging you.

"This is why I told you, you should know them personally first! I'm Dumb your dumber!" Pah scolded you. You looked down at your friend and lightly smacked his shoulders.

"You're being mean! Can't you see your friend is depressed here!" You whined. Pah just rolled his eyes.

"It' wasn't my fault when you didn't listen"

Pah spent his time comforting you with harsh words while you eat the ice cream and cookies he brought for you as you cried. Peh on the other hand still can't believe your unbelievable height.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #kisaki x reader #hanma x reader #peh yan x reader #pah chin x reader #anime #anime x reader #headcanons #babu

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jungwooismydaddy · 4 years ago

Text

Punishments

Paring - yuta x Taeyong x reader, slight jaehyun x reader, taeyong x yuta

Genre - jealous sex, angry sex, harsh degradation, knife play, spitting, hair pulling, mention of rope, safe word and bull whip.

Words - 1.7 k

Read the warning first and then decided whethere to read or not!!!

“I still have my exams I can’t come over there and the members-“ , “ Don’t worry about them just jaehyun is home you came here pleaseeee” Taeyong whined.

”please” another voice came it was none other then yuta sighing heavily you finally agreed. Yuta and Taeyong jumped around happily as finally they are meeting you, it’s not been a long time but for them it has been tho.

As you know there Japanese comeback happened so they were very much wrapped in that online fanmeets, music banks, interviews etc. They didn’t even had time to rest for like 4 weeks. After the rest of the members except Taeyong,yuta and jaehyun who completed there recordings and schedule and luck being on there side there manager agreed to give them some break and they had some time to meet you.

you were standing in front of there dorm door.Before you can even knock on the door, the door opened and they rushed to hug you you weren’t even standing on the ground as they lifted you and bear hugged you tightly knocking the air out of you,”Slow down guys”

You laughed as they showered you with kisses as you giggled at there clingy behaviour,”Let her even come in hyung” Jaehyun’s voice came from inside.

“Come in” you went in as the smell of delicious food filled your nostrils,”you wait here we will bring the food” yuta and Taeyong left for getting the food as you sat besides jaehyun who was engrossed in watching his movie,”Hi Jae”, Yo what’s up” you guys exchanged some conversations you guys were so engrossed in that that you didn’t even hear Taeyong calling you,”baby, the food is ready” Taeyong said sone what pissed,”okay coming”

The table was seated neatly set, the food it looked so delicious that you didn’t even wait to dig in, Taeyong and yuta stared at you with adorable eyes as they also jointed you after few mins. You finished your food as you almost chocked,”Whoa slow down babygirl” yuta said while passing a glass of water,”can’t help the food is just too delicious“

After finishing the food you went to sit back with jaehyun again, you wanted to help them but they told you no and shooed you away,”y/n” jaehyun called you you just hummed,”you really look good in that you know” you stared at him as a playful look was shown on his face answering all your questions,”oh really you do too jaehyun” you whispered his name in his ears as from the corner of you eyes you saw Taeyong and yuta Standing there.

Jaehyun knew how much protective they both were towards you, and knew how much jealous they can get especially with the flirty ones And jaehyun being a playful boy never leaves a chance to make them jelous by flirting with me knowing I woudl get punished for that but I still played along cause why not.

“ you just don’t look good, you look damm sexy in that”, " I know that Jae” you faces were just inches away, jaehyun licked his own lips while looking at yours,” enough!” You flinched are yuta’s harsh voice,”y/n in the room now don’t you dare say anything” with you wobbly legs you went inside his room.

They were talking about something when the front door shut loudly and yuta entered the room he sat on the chair near the bed, Yuta always punished You hard for this types of things, Taeyong too punished you but not as hard as yuta and I know he would. Taeyong entered with a loud bang as soon as your gaze landed on him your breath almost got caught in you throat, the way his eyes were piercing holes into your body, his hand veins were visible and uff how can we forget his intimidating stare, this made your panties damp. Yuta on the other hand wasn’t more intimidating but he looked like he could just have blowed from anger.

They both said nothing and you knew it wasn’t a good sign, you wanted to explain yourself but before you could even open your mouth, yuta walked up to slided his hands onto your delicate neck, chocked you hard and told,”behave for us if you won’t then you know what would happen right?” You nodded slowly.

Taeyong came up from behind, grabbed your hair harshly which made your head jerk back as he whispered you were confused but more scared that how more low his voice can go,”you know the safe word right” you eyes widened, you didn’t know how to answer them as if you had become numb or didn’t knew what to say. At what he whispered your eyes locked with yuta who still was mad angry but was still controlling himself

“It’s rose okay?” You nodded your head, Taeyong attacked you neck as yuta roughly roamed his hands on you clothed body as you could even process what was happening your dress went flying an to be thrown on ground, you looked at yuta with widened eyes you wanted to stop him from making you more wreaked as taeyong’s grip tightened on your hair while groaned loudly in you ears as you understood that and not wanting to get into more trouble.

Taeyong was still working on your neck, when you saw yuta coming up to you with a rope before you can even open your mouth to speak when you felt a cold metal on you back making your moments immediately stopped,”t-Taeyong please n-“ a hash spank was landed on you ass making you gasp loudly.

Yuta slowly slided his hands on you neck looked deeply into your eyes and told more like warned,”say one more word and I will show those gag balls deep down you throat”. Yuta quickly tied the red ropes that he brought onto your body.

at this point you were to weak to even protest about anything and if you did you knew it wont end up good for you.

As I felt the tip of the sharp knife I hissed but I wouldn’t say I didn’t like that, “ O.U.R.S” he craved that on my ass and spanked it lightly as tears started flow dome your rosy cheeks,”aww baby don’t cry right now we haven’t even started and you are crying no baby” yuta said while whipping my tears,”The whole night is left baby” Taeyong ended the sentence.

Taeyong made you lay on the bed as yuta told Taeyong,”baby you start to strip till I teach her a lesson” As soon as he said that yuta looked at you with his so-famous smirk already making you more wet, maintaining our gazes he grabbed something from under the bed and he stepped forward.my gaze landed on the bull whip , making you flinch but you didn’t squirm away as you were again too weak for that.

“count how many times I do it if you stop I will start over again,okay”,“yes master”. First smack was landed on my bare thigh making you scream on top of your lungs.

Another smack was landed on you as real tears streamed down your face, you couldn’t keep it up with this as you heard a loud smack which made you flinch but it didn’t land on you , a bruised line formed on taeyong’s chest,“that’s enough you dumb bitch” yuta chuckled at that and pulled Taeyong close to him,”Don’t talk to me like that and watch your words, baby”

Taeyong laughed at what he said and smashed his lips on him, your rubbed your thighs while seeing the view infront of you, your inner thighs were burning but rubbing your thighs while looking at them uff made you more drip more.

Taeyong and yuta separated from eachother and landed there gaze on your teary face, they would have felt bad that she is crying this much but this time hey didn’t ofc they couldn’t at what she did she needs to be taught a lesson and she is gonna get as this devils aren’t going to go soft on there angel not this time.

Yuta tapped your mouth as said,”you will take me like a good girl right” I nodded my head as yuta entered my mouth making me gag as Taeyong instructed,”ass up” you did as you felt his warm tongue running through your dripping clit, he wasn’t slowing an mercy nor was yuta showing any mercy as yuta picked up and wrapped your legs around his waist, taeong whined as he did they to taste you delicious pussy,” gonna fill you up good” yuta said and entered you in one go as you gasped at that heavenly feeling.

You felt something cold running down your ass as Taeyong slowly entered your ass, they feeling of getting filled up by them was a big turn on for you, you moaning like whore for them as they teach you whom you belonged too was a huge turn on for them.

“Open your mouth slut” you did as yuta told you as he spitted in your mouth, you would have thrown hands right now at him but at this time you felt is so overwhelming you were just crying and moaning, yuta was thrusting into you at full pace as taeyong’s thrust were lazy but that didn’t last long as he matched his pace with yuta, you were screaming at this point and you knew the neighbours would be so mad at you for this but all the thing that mattered were yuta and Taeyong fucking the life out of you.

Taeyong was the first one to paint you walls white , followed by yuta and then your hard shaking orgasm.

Yuta and Taeyong holded you so you couldn’t fall, they helped to ride you your orgasm as pulled out of you, Taeyong went to the bathroom to throw your dirty clothes into the laundry as yuta cuddled you, you were just close to fall asleep when you heard light sniffs you turned and saw yuta crying making you panicked,”y-yuta-“,”please never leave us I love and will try not to be more jealous please don’t leave us” you holded him and that’s when Taeyong came in and told,”cuddling without me” he pouted as you opened your arms as Taeyong jumped into that, you chuckled at how much you love this boys.

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cherryplasmids · 4 years ago

Text

☆ we can do this, together ☆

pairing: queen maeve x supe!reader

fandom: the boys—season 2

prompt: compound v is exposed to the world and you’re dealing with the repercussion of being a lab rat for vought.

notes: first time writing for the boys, so pleaseeee be tender with me — requested by: @girlsgettingitdone — check out my other works; masterlist

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The news anchor droned in the background, repeating the same information for the tenth time in a row. All the news channels did. You listened until all the details became embedded in your brain—until you realized you were an embodiment of everyone's worst nightmare.

Your thumb trails over the glass picture frame in your hands while the news cuts to a commercial break. Homelander, the biggest fraud of them all, prances around in his nationalistic getup, advertising the latest Vought restaurant. You don't dwell on it long enough to find humor in the situation since all your attention is focused on the picture. Your grip tightens around the frame, cracks immediately forming.

You're eight years old, dressed in your favorite pale blue superhero costume with hair accessories to match. The smile on your face, bright and big like the way your parents drilled into you, gave the impression that you were excited to be there. If anyone took a close look, they would have noticed your red eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

"You know I performed five times that day. After every show, I cried to go on the Ferris wheel, but my dad would yell at me to stop being ungrateful. I fainted from exhaustion after they took this photo. The next day, my mom pulled me out of second grade to be a full-time performer." You caress your young face before breaking the frame completely, small shards of glass pricking your skin. It felt nice to actually feel something besides numbness.

"To think I could trust my own parents." An empty laugh escapes you as you release the broken frame, watching it fall to the floor. Then you look up to see Maeve's reflection through the hanging mirror. Maeve, donned in her ugly costume, has her hands on her waist in her signature stance. This Vought approved version of her makes your heart clench in shame and sadness.

"Were you ever going to tell me?” Her dark green eyes meet your own gaze through the mirror. Maeve releases a deep sigh but keeps silent.

You whip around with lightning speed, staring at her with wide eyes filled with tears teetering your lashline. "I trusted you." Your lips tremble, tears teetering over your lashline.

"You know I couldn't." Maeve steps forward with arms reaching out to you. You step back immediately. "Please."

You shake your head. " I had my life taken from me even before it began. "

"So did I!" You glare at her, causing her to drop her hands and sigh again. "Vought would've killed us both if I told you the truth."

"So!" You throw your arms up in. "You're going to tell me that being paraded around like a caged animal is the better option."

"Living will always be the better option."

You huff out a sarcastic laugh. "Of course, you're right. Being Vought's puppets while they take hundreds of more innocent lives is the better option. You seem to think so. After all, you're their third-biggest commodity."

Another commercial comes on—this time advertising a Queen Maeve feminine hygiene product that closing your eyes. You want to laugh at the absurd timing but you're too drained to commit to that action. Maeve physically cringes, mimicking your actions. When the commercial ends, the noise from the streets down below fills the pregnant pause.

"What can I do to fix this? Fix us?"

"Tell me everything you know about Vought. Every secret, lie, all the fuck-ups—everything."

"You know I can't."

"If Starlight can, you can. You just don't want to give up your cushy life as Vought's prized princ—"

"I love you!" Her wild eyes turn a darker shade of green to point where it looks black. "What don't you understand that? Everything I hid from you was so I can protect you from Vought, from Homelander. If he found out about you, about us, then he'll murder you without a second thought."

"Again, is that really so bad?" You whisper, tears finally falling over your lashline. Maeve's eyes start to water as well when she takes another step toward you. This time, you stay put and she takes this as a hint to go to you.

She pulls you into her arms just as you collapse onto the floor, rocking you back and forth as you sobbed into her chest—crying for the potential normalcy you could've had if Vought never existed. Imaginary knives pierce your heart, stabbing it over and over again, and you start gasping for air. Closing your eyes tightly, forehead resting on Maeve's shoulder.

She pulls away enough to face you, placing her hands on your cheeks. "I'm here for you, okay? I won't let anyone harm you."

You exhale shakily, feeling some of the haze lifting, allowing some breath onto your lungs. Maeve's unyielding strength influences you to gain some yourself, finding yourself nodding along with her words.

"You can't keep doing this alone," She whispers, pressing a kiss to your forehead."

You pull away from her, backing away just to slightest to see her face fall and hiccup out a sentence. "And you can't keep being selfish enough to sacrifice millions of lives for me."

"I'm not—"

The expression you give her silences her immediately. You wipe your tears and snot on your black long-sleeved t-shirt, then kneel in front of your former girlfriend. "I'm tired of sitting idly by. I'm going to help Starlight and her friends take down Vought, with or without your help. And I'm telling you as Maeve, my ex-girlfriend who used to buy three big bags of Cheeto puffs and wouldn't share with me—not Queen Maeve, Vought's alcoholic dancing monkey."

Her head lowers, shoulders slumping and hands trembling. Grabbing her hands, you hold them, caressing them. "Be the hero you want to be."

She lifts her head, a crooked half-smile on her lips, a few tears escaping the corners of her eyes. She stares at you for a bit before nodding. You bring her into a tight hug, one that you know she needed for a long time.

────── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

word count: 1,012 published: november , 2020 edited: n/a tagging those interested in a previous post: @minimartian @amelialistree @gottamakethiswork @lyssapedia @confused-marshmallow @parkersgold

#Queen Maeve #queen maeve x reader #queen maeve imagine #queen maeve fanfiction #maeve x reader #the boys imagine #the boys #the boys amazon #the boys x reader #the boys fanfiction #x reader #reader insert #angst #female reader #starlight #homelander

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sapphicwhxre · 4 years ago

Note

Fluff 1,4 with luna pleaseeee🥺

sleepovers

♡ 1: “you look better in my clothes than i do.”

♡ 4: “can i play with your hair?”

your heart stopped when luna entered the room.

she wasn’t wearing anything special, just one of your hoodies and a pair of shorts. but the sight could have made you cry. it was your first time spending the night with your girlfriend and not to be dramatic, but it was going fucking incredible. you’d spent all night cuddling, making out, and telling stupid jokes before she’d gotten up, saying she was going to change. you just hadn’t expected her to come out looking so beautiful in your clothes. you must have been staring because luna looked at you curiously and then took a step back. “do you want me to take it off?” her voice questioned quietly with regret. “i didn’t think you’d mind.”

sitting up, you smiled giddily at her and shook your head. “i don’t! it’s just that you look better in my clothes than i do.” luna’s eyes lit up and she happily gave you a chaste kiss to the lips. “i’d disagree but thank you,” she grinned, a strand of soft hair falling in front of her face. it was getting late and the both of you were tired anyway but while getting into bed, you wrapped your arms around her. she laughed and you pulled back to admire how pretty she looked. people told you how perfect you were together but it was still unbelievable at times that she was yours. “can i play with your hair?” you asked excitedly.

“of course you can,” the girl rolled her eyes and cuddled into you, letting you toy with her blonde tresses. she smelled like peach shampoo and you ran your hands through her long hair, twirling locks around your fingers occasionally. her thigh eventually grew heavier on yours and so did her head on your chest, leading you to realise she’d dozed off. contently, you kissed the top of her head and whispered.

"goodnight luna."

──────────♡

#harry potter #harry potter x reader #harry potter x you #hogwarts x reader #luna lovegood #luna lovegood x reader #luna lovegood x you #luna lovegood fluff #luna lovegood imagine #luna lovegood drabble #harry potter prompts

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fanficshiddles · 4 years ago

Text

Blushing in His Colours, Chapter 11

Loki and Mia got back to Loki’s room after having dinner together at the restaurant down the road.

Loki swiftly excused himself to the bathroom before they got down to having fun.

He started jerking himself off as quickly as possible, he was determined to last longer tonight when Mia gave him a blowjob. So he hoped that perhaps getting one out first would help with that.

Mia never took notice of him taking longer in the bathroom. She had a nosey of his books on his shelf while she waited. When Loki finally emerged, he had composed himself wonderfully so she had no idea.

But it didn’t really work well. As soon as she was on her knees, kneeling on front of him, looking up at him from beneath her lashes so innocently… He knew he was going to fail. Again.

He closed his eyes and tried to think of anything else… Thor in his mother’s dress…

But as soon as Mia wrapped her lips around the tip of his cock and he felt her tongue on the underside, he opened his eyes and moaned loudly as he came. Mia continued sucking him, swallowing his cum. That always drove him wild how she did that, making his dilemma even more difficult.

Loki slipped his fingers through her hair as she continued to slowly suck him, keeping him hard even after cumming. It wasn’t long before he had another orgasm in her mouth, unable to control himself at all when in her mouth.

‘Ohhhh, yes… I am starting to feel that you have put a spell upon me, sweetling.’ Loki panted as Mia wiped her mouth and smiled sweetly up at him. ‘I’m really going to need to work on that.’ He chuckled.

Ever the gentleman, he put his hand out for her and helped her up to her feet. He slid his arm around her and pulled her flush against him as he held her chin and kissed her. He could taste himself on her lips and tongue, but that didn’t deter him as he deepened the kiss and proceeded to back her up to the bed, their clothes vanishing on the way.

Loki lay her down beneath him and started worshipping every inch of her body, making her squirm. He licked his way down her stomach, making her giggle when he flicked his tongue out below her belly button.

Mia thought he was going to go down on her, so she was a little confused, and disappointed she wasn’t going to lie, when he moved back up over her.

He cupped her face and kissed her, his tongue moving against hers as he devoured her. Then he moved slightly to the side and slid a hand down her body, boldly down between her thighs where he just cupped her. He could feel how wet and hot she was already.

‘Oh, little sweetling. So wet and responsive for Daddy.’ He growled, moving his fingers through her wetness, seeking out her clit that he zoned in on. As soon as he focused on that little nub, she started whimpering and squirming.

Loki chuckled and slid his arm underneath her upper body, holding her against him while he played with her. He brought her close to the edge, then just when she was about there he slowed down and moved away from her clit, making her whine in disappointment.

He grinned and pressed a kiss to the side of her head before continuing on with her torment. He repeated the actions a few times, getting her so worked up and close to cumming but then easing away. She grabbed at his forearm and started begging him, which was music to his ears.

‘Oh I do love hearing you beg, my little sweetling.’ He purred, the hand that was holding onto her side slid up over her and he started playing with her right breast. Squeezing it in a milking motion and then rolling her nipple between his fingers, mimicking what he was doing to her clit at the same time.

She was an utter mess in his arms.

‘Pleaseeeee, pleaseeee, Daddyyyyyy!’ She cried out, desperate to cum. Loki was keeping her on the edge, it felt so good and she never wanted it to stop but at the same time she so badly needed that release.

‘Do you really want to cum? I don’t think you do…’ Loki teased, slowing his circling of her clit right down.

She bucked her hips up trying to get more and her grip on his forearm tightened. ‘PLEASE! DADDY! PLEASE!’ She screamed and begged, almost crying in desperation.

Loki chuckled and started rubbing her nipple, at the same time he slid his fingers further down her and his thumb took over working her clit. She never even noticed or clicked what he was doing until it was too late.

He rubbed her clit in firmer, quicker, strokes. Starting to push her over the edge. Then, just as she was about to cum, he slipped his middle finger into her. He was met with barely any resistance, but he couldn’t believe how utterly tight she was around just one finger, but he pushed it in just to the second knuckle and stopped, concentrating on her clit as she clamped hard around his finger. He could feel her walls clenching on him as she came.

Mia couldn’t stop trembling, tears sprung to her eyes too as she could feel his finger within her. It felt SO good having something, even as thin as a finger, inside her. Something for her cunt to squeeze hold of while Loki still rubbed her clit, riding out her orgasm.

When she calmed down and stopped panting, Loki smoothed her hair back from her face and kissed her forehead, removing his finger from her. He brought his hand up to his lips and sucked his fingers clean, tasting her and moaning as he did so.

Mia turned more into him, unable to stop shaking and she couldn’t stop a tear from rolling down her cheek either.

Loki didn’t even need to ask. He knew he didn’t hurt her, as she had told him before she had been able to fit a small dildo into her a few times, which was wider than his finger. But he knew she was just emotional and happy at her body allowing his finger in so easily.

‘I… I’m sorry. I feel so silly.’ Mia whispered, still shaking but it was more shivering now. Loki wrapped the blanket around them, tucking her into him so she would warm up. She often got cold after an orgasm, especially one as intense as that.

‘Why do you feel silly, little one?’ Loki asked softly, tucking her head under his chin.

‘I just… I mean, getting all emotional and happy about getting a finger inside me.’ She said quietly.

Loki leaned back a little and cupped her chin, having her look at him.

‘It’s not silly, darling. Not at all. Everything is a step forward, no matter how small.’ He smiled and rubbed her lower lip with his thumb.

She smiled back at him, feeling so lucky that she had him. SO lucky, she counted her blessings every single day since they got together. Even though it had been over two months now, she still couldn’t really believe it.

Mia snuggled in against him, her hand on his chest. He played with her fingers, squeezing her hand every now and then. Mia then put her hand flat against his and marvelled at the size of his hands in comparison to her own.

‘What are you thinking, sweetling?’ Loki asked quietly.

‘Just… how large your hands are. And how long your fingers are.’ She said shyly.

‘All the better to handle you with, my dear.’ Loki chuckled as he clasped his hand with hers, engulfing hers completely, making her smile and blush. ‘I’ll be able to reach places your fingers can’t.’ He grinned, making her giggle as she hid her face into him.

‘I still… I still wish we could do it properly.’ She said, muffled against him.

He trailed his fingers up and down her back and kissed the top of her head. ‘I know, sweetling. I know you do. But we will get there, in time. There’s no rush.’

‘That sounded like some mind-blowing sex last night!’ Natasha said with a grin to Mia the following morning at breakfast.

Mia’s face heated up instantly and she almost dropped her spoon in her cereal. ‘What?’

Natasha grinned knowingly. ‘I was heading to bed and when I passed Loki’s room, I could hear you screaming. He must be pretty good with that cock of his to get that kind of screams out of you.’ She winked at her.

‘Oh god.’ Mia groaned and hid her face in her hands. Luckily none of the others were around yet.

‘No need to be embarrassed, I’m sure sex with a God is incredible.’

‘Well… It wasn’t sex. It was just…’ Mia coughed a bit. ‘His fingers.’ She said and removed her hands from her face.

‘Oooooooh, wow. If that was just from his fingers, then I do not want to pass by when he’s using anything else.’ Natasha smirked.

‘Alright, alright. Let’s just change the subject, please?’ Mia begged.

‘I’m just teasing you. I’m glad you’re both having fun.’

‘Thanks… I just…’

Natasha frowned. ‘What? What’s wrong?’

Mia sighed and ran a hand down her face. ‘Ok, don’t tell anyone. Promise?’

‘I promise.’ Natasha nodded, looking concerned.

‘I have vaginismus. So we haven’t actually had sex yet. And he is being so supportive and patient. But I just… I want to be able to sort it out as in yesterday.’

Natasha’s face softened, having been worried it was something Loki was doing wrong.

‘But Loki is going slow, not rushing you. Right?’

‘Right. But I just… I’m worried in-case I’ll never be able to do it.’ Mia said sadly.

‘When you said he was using his fingers…’ Natasha trailed off.

‘Yeah, he got one in… He is amazing. He seems to know what I can and can’t take better than I do.’ Mia said with a smile.

‘Well… Have you tried dilators?’ Natasha suggested.

Mia frowned. ‘No…’

‘They could be worth a try. They vary in size, you start small and then get larger. I’m sure Loki could make it fun too.’ She winked at Mia.

‘That… might be worth trying actually.’

#tom hiddleston #loki #fan fiction #blushing in his colours

131 notes · View notes

willowbleedsonpaper · 4 years ago

Text

Beside You

Theo Nott x Healer!Reader.

W.C. : 5180

Requested by the lovely @herstory-study: Hi again! I have another request for Theodore Nott if possible (bc I always imagine him to be like an absolute babeeee)... anyway, I was wondering if you could do a post war one shot where Nott is just trying to overcome him being on Voldy’s side and the reader defending him against assholes who judge him and helping him move on pleaseeee

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of blood, torture and death. I think that’s it.

The war was over, it was finally over. Years of fear and torment at the hands of Voldemort and his followers were just a bad memory you and all your friends could finally start healing from. You had been on the easy side of the war, or more like the least damaging. Staying at Hogwarts and studying under the rule of Snape and the Carrows, although traumatic was nothing compared to what Harry, Hermione and Ron had to go through, as well as his more closest friends like the entire Weasley family, Neville and Luna. They had taken upon themselves to go and find the way to defeat Voldemort and they had done it successfully, after enduring some not so enjoyable moments and the loss of many loved ones.

You had been there when Harry revealed himself to Snape, Professor McGonagall stepping in his defense as the crowd of students from all houses cleared the way with gasps and heavy breathing, you had been there when Professor McGonagall sent the entire Slytherin house to the dungeons as the rest of the houses helped clear the younger student and prepared for battle.

You saw students fight, using all the training provided by Hogwarts and Harry himself against Voldemort forces. You saw people cry, laugh, scream, die and run. You had seen things that were now burned into your mind, waking you up in the middle of the night with a choked scream as cold sweat rolled down your forehead.

You didn't even want to think what Harry and his friends woke up to in the middle of the night.

But more worrying, you didn't want to know what the Slytherins woke up to in the mornings.

Two year had passed by since the battle of Hogwarts, you had your life more or less back to normal. Whatever normal meant this days. You were training as healer at St. Mungos, not the easiest job but it payed off for food and your apartment besides the fact that you actually enjoyed it. It was full of surprises.

"Morning, Y/N." said one of the healers as he arrived to the desk, greeting you with a peck on the cheek as he sign in for the day.

"Dr. Williams," you said back, pointing to one of the rooms with a file in your hand "You arrived just in time," you handed him the file with an innocent smile "Julie, eight years old. Fell of her broom and broke her right arm."

He sighed, taking the file from you "The day we get more than broken bones I'll buy you dinner." he winked your way, turning away before you could answer.

Your shifts usually started at noon and ended late at night. It was going to be a long day.

And just as you thought the day stretched out like it was a boring class at Hogwarts, the day slow with only three patients, giving a lot of free time to Dr. Williams to shamelessly flirt with you.

"I've told you before, it's Jason." he said with a smirk, leaning in the desk as the other Healers stared at you two "Dr. Williams sounds too serious." he shrugged, like his title was something he was ashamed of.

"Well this is a serious environment Dr. Williams, you are technically my boss." you said, not looking up from the papers you had to fill before the end of the day, which was in 30 minutes.

"Oh, c'mon Y/N!" he exclaimed, a smile always in his face as he took the quill from your hand.

You lifted your face in annoyance, trying to reach for the quill when he lifted his hand above his head "Jason, I need that." you grumbled tiredly, opening your palm for him to return it.

He grinned "See? Wasn't that hard to call me by my name." he placed the quill back in your hand, finally finishing the papers.

You shook your head, gathering everything in your arms to take it back to its place. But the sound of the door bursting open caught yours and everyone's attention, a gasp leaving your lips as you saw the group of people entering the hospital.

"We need a healer!" said the girl, two man carrying one that could barely stand. He had blood dripping from his forehead and nose, a bruise in his cheek.

You analyzed the other two as the healers there took the man from them. Clothes blood stained, some parts ripped as if they had pulled harshly from them. They had certainly been on a fight.

"This isn't the emergency room," muttered Jason as he neared the bed where they had laid the man. He was unconscious, but you were sure he would wake up to a lot of pain.

"Just shut up and help him," you hissed, starting to prepare him for the healers.

Jason stared at you in shock, taking a second to react as he draw his wand, muttering healing spells that started to make him regain some color.

You cleaned his face, his features becoming more visible as you froze "Malfoy." you whispered, capturing Jason's attention.

"What?" he growled, moving your hand that was brushing his dirty hair out of his face, leaving his pale face out in the open. "Bloody hell, a fucking Slytherin.“

You glared at him, fire burning inside of you as you pushed him with all your force "Get away from him." you growled, drawing your own wand as everyone stared at you, only one of the trained healers kept on working beside you.

"What the hell, Y/N?!" shouted Jason, slamming the door to the room they had moved him close "You are not a trained healer, I am."

You made as kind with your throat, swallowing all the words you wanted to scream "At least I'll try, you're going to let him die because of his Hogwarts house." you muttered bitterly.

You heard him grunt, pacing in the room as the door opened. Your actual boss, Healer Whitethorn examined the room with a glare "Williams, out." she ordered, a smile on your face before she set her eyes on you "You too, Y/L/N." she said, stepping in with wand in her hand.

"But…"

"Out!" you flinched at her loud voice, her eyes meeting yours "You are on Williams team, he's out and so are you. Check on the other that came with him."

You huffed, reluctantly going outside as you threw away your lab coat on the chair. Your other coworker ran at your side, giving to a reassuring look before she settled on the three defeated persons at the waiting room.

"I'll take two of them," she murmured in your ear "Take the bleeding one, I'll take the girl and Mr, Bruises over there."

She didn't wait for your answer, calling to girl for inspection as you stared back at the bleeding one, according to her.

"Come with me." you said standing in front of him, his head low and only lifting slightly to look at you when he noticed your there.

"I'm fine," he mumbled, shaking his head at you.

"Sir, you are dragging your words and your head is bleeding," you told him matter of factly "I can't let you go if you don't let me at least clean the wound."

The man at his side nudged him, giving him a small smile "Go on mate, you took one blow for Draco, I just held Pansy back. We need you alive to go find them later."

He looked at him incredulous, his mouth slightly open with a thousand words he wanted to say at the tip of his tongue but decided against it. He sighed, slowly standing up when he stumbled slightly, eyes wide as he tried to focus on something, anything. The only thing he could found was you, both hands gripping tightly at his forearms making him regain his balance.

"Thanks." he breathed out, returning the safe grip on your arms.

You nodded reassuringly, taking slow steps backwards and into one of the examination rooms. He made it with little problems, slumping on the bed.

"Do you know your name?" you asked, putting on a new pair of gloves.

"Theodore, uh- Theo. " he said lowly, not meeting your eyes.

You hummed, starting your work on the gash in his head. "Last name?" you asked, ignoring the hissing sounds the alcohol pulled from him. He had his eyes closed, and you pulled a chair for you as you stared at him. "Theo?" you called again, fearing he wasn't listening to you.

You breathed out in relief when one of his eyes popped open, looking at you before he sighed in defeat "Nott." he said, watching you carefully for any reaction.

He hadn't seen when you pulled a file, writing down his answers "Theodore Nott," you repeated as you wrote it down "Head injury, possible concussion." you said out loud, closing it and looking back at him, clearly he wasn’t eager to answer the questions.

"You're going to have to stay the night just to be sure that the head injury is nothing more than that." you told him, handing him the a bag for his clothes and the hospital gown, closing the curtain so he could change.

Theo reluctantly changed, doing quick work in his clothes to not keep you and his friends waiting. Luckily for him you looked nice, kind. You hadn’t reacted to his name and your attitude towards him was completely professional, not a single hint of judgement in your eyes .

“Mr. Nott?” he heard you call, the door of the room opening with your voice following “Do you need help?”

He breathed out, opening the curtain with his bag tucked under his arm “Ready.” he said lowly.

You took the bag from him, taking his arm again “Can you walk?” you asked him, standing in front of him he gave you a soft nod and you began walking slowly. The silence was peaceful, but you has thing to tell him, breaking the much needed peace.

“Technically I should place you in this floor,” you told him lowly, avoiding the looks of any Healer you passed, keeping your chin up and up front “But since your friend is more injured and you are staying the night, the fourth floor is going to be where you stay. I've informed your friends you are staying the night and they said they will be here in the morning.”

He gave you a questioning look, clearly they were close to each other to be involved in fights together. Or maybe fate wasn't that fair to them but from their interactions you saw before they seemed friends. You could only assume.

"I sent them home," you explained "They might not be that injured but they will need the rest."

He looked down at you, the height difference more notorious now that he stood next to you. He gave you a small smile, not one that you saw, your eyes staying in your path at all times.

“Here,” you whispered for him to turn, the room poorly lighted until you could get your wand out, a flick of your hand and the place was properly lighted. “Malfoy would be across the hall. As soon as he wakes up, you and your friends can go see him.” you informed him, helping him get under the covers.

You made sure he ha anything he might need, a glass of water and another blanket close by so he wouldn’t have to move. “Is there anything else you might need, Mr. Nott?” you asked him from the door.

He looked at you, his eyebrows knitted in his forehead “Theo,” he said “Call me Theo, Mr. Nott was my father.” he told you, a nod from you as you neared his bed again.

“Forgot to introduce myself,” you laughed nervously “Y/N Y/L/N, I’ll be taking care of you while you’re here.” you said, getting a positive response from him.

You made your way out of the room without another word closing the door softly behind you, the last thing you saw being him letting his head fall softly in the pillow, almost in defeat.

“What the hell was that?!”

You snapped out of your head, tuning in your place as you saw Jason practically run towards you with a glare that you mirrored, turning in your heel and away from him. But he was taller and faster, catching up with you fast as he grabbed your arm forcing you to face him “Answer me, Y/N.” he growled, his face inches from yours.

“Like you don’t know,” you spat, your eyes roaming angrily all over his face “We all know you’re the proudest Gryffindor here, you take the rivalry with Slytherin to a whole new level.” you took his hand with all the force you had, pulling it away from your arm.

He stared at you, saying nothing and you laughed bitterly “What is it, Jason?” you said with a sardonic smile, saying his name with all the anger you had “You think I haven’t noticed how you change cases with Adams so you don’t have to treat Slytherins? I literally work for you and notice all, listen to everything that comes out of your mouth.”

“You better stop now.” he warned, his eyes hardening.

“Or what?” you dared, taking a threatening step towards him “You’re going to tell Whitethorn? Let’s go now, maybe you can tell her too why Marie, a Slytherin, hasn’t worked with you and only with Adams.”

He stared at you, his jaw clenched as he physically fought the shaking anger you produced on him. “Fucking hell.” he muttered, slamming his hand on the wall beside your head before he walked away, your lips letting out a shaky breath once he turned on the corner.

You stayed there, back against the wall as you slide down to the floor with your eyes closed, trying hard to even your breathing but failing.

“Y/N?” you heard Marie, her light steps sounding closer untils she was next to you “You okay? What happened?” she asked, taking your hands from your face and pulling you to your feet.

You shook your head, keeping it low as you cleaned the single tear that fell from your eyes “Williams is an asshole, that’s what happened.” you said, your voice cracking a little when you said his name.

She gave you a sad smile, knowing exactly what you meant “It’s late, do you wanna stay with me tonight?” she asked.

It wasn’t unusual for you to stay at each others places, your shifts were practically the same and you lived relatively close. But then your eye catched on Healer Adams getting Draco Malfoy to his room, you thought that maybe staying back with your own patient wasn’t a bad idea.

“Actually, I think I’m gonna stay here for the night,” you told her, pointing to the door behind you.

“You sure?” she asked you with the raise of her eyebrow “I got your favorite waiting for you.” she sang, but you only shook your head and she nodded with a knowing look “Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow.” she said giving you a quick hug before walking to the stairs and disappearing from your eyes.

You took a moment before walking back to Theo’s room, making sure you weren’t too loud. What you weren't’ expecting was for him to be awake, lazily staring at you as you walked inside.

“Mr. uh- no, Theo.” you said finally, memories of Hogwarts when you had the answer at the tip of your tongue but your brain was going faster than your mouth could and you ended up blurting everything but the right answer came back to you.

“Did I wake you?” you asked with a tight smile.

He shook his head, pointing at the sofa at the corner of the room “Please, sit.” he said, waiting for you to do so “There was a loud noise and I rarely can sleep this early.” he said.

You looked in confusion at the clock on the wall, returning your gaze at him “It’s one in the morning.” you told him.

He smiled softly, lowering his head again “Still, I can’t sleep.” he whispered, breathing deeply “I would much rather your company, if you don’t mind.”

You smiled more relaxed, making yourself more comfortable "Your on luck, I have to take care of you for the night."

"The entire night?" he asked with a gasp, his eyes curiously roaming all over you.

Of course, you had your head elsewhere, his file in your lap. "I'm a healer in training," you said softly looking back at him "We get to the the work no one wants to."

"I'm glad is you." he mumbled, catching your attention with immediately "That other man didn't seemed… Nice." he finished, a little doubtful if he did right in telling that to his coworker, but the knowing nod you have him put him at ease.

You pointed at the wall "The loud noise was him." you said, voice shaky "He is a great healer, probably the best we've got," you paused, looking down at your hands as you bit your lip in thought "He cares very deeply for what happened at the war."

You saw his body stiffened, his arms coming at his sides as he subtly moved to the far side from you. You pursed your lips "I don't, really. I'm sure everyone played their part." you added more cheerfully "Now I need to film your file, do you mind if ask you some questions?"

"Okay," he said.

You nodded getting the paper and quill "Great, I have your name and why were you admitted." you said, tapping on the page before you lifted your face "Age?"

"Twenty," he answered.

You smiled writing it down "We're the same age. I don't remember you from Hogwarts."

"I-I wasn't that sociable. I mainly stuck to my house mates." he told you.

"Slytherin?" you asked, watching his eyes widen "Not everyone was friends with Draco Malfoy." you added, and he nodded.

"Yeah, Slytherin." he said bitterly.

The night was spent with you two chatting about your lives and the your time at Hogwarts. He talk about his favorite subjects, he's hobbies and friends, how he wanted to travel and get to know the world and maybe even move. He wanted a fresh start away from the war and what used to be his family. He wanted to go to a place where no one knew who Theodore Nott was.

You told him about how simple your life was, consisting of basic needs and your training as a healer. Free time was a forgotten concept for you, the few friends you used to have now married or being successful, your only friend being Marie.

You actually had made a day that night.

When the sun rose on the sky, it didn't long for the visitors to start arriving. Theo was discharged an o my changed rooms when Blaise and Pansy got there, going to see the Slytherin prince himself.

A few hours were spent with casual iochat and worried remarks when Healer Adam's told them they had to leave him to rest. Promises were made to return later that day or the next, and you watched from the desk of the fourth floor as they left, a sinking feeling in your heart as they descended the stairs.

Only they didn't.

"Y/N? “ your heard someone call softly, the voice that still was recorded on your mind from the previous night filling the air once more.

"Yeah?" you smiled, looking up from your food.

He looked nervous, the tiny smile appearing in his face "I was wondering if I could stop by someday? Maybe go out?" he asked, scratching the back of his head with a nervous yet charming smile.

You chuckled, covering the blush in your cheeks as you nodded "I would love that."

*******************************

Accepting that date was the beginning of the best years of your life.

You went on that one date and connected instantly, even more than the few hours you talked at St. Mungos. One coffee date turned into dinner and surprise visits when you were working, soft smiles and holding hands while you walked turned into passionate kisses and falling asleep in each other's arms. Talking about your days turned into deep conversations about life and your future. Understatement turned into love.

Three years has gone by since that first date and you knew you never wanted to leave Theo's side. You knew who he was and were proud of him, even in the days that he wasn't.

"Theo?" you said loudly, his big mansion requiring the elevated voice for him to hear you from the entrance "I'm home, dear." you said again, paying more attention to the sounds in the house. Or more like the lack of them.

Your footsteps echoed the halls as the only sign of someone being there. You walked to the study where he usually was, empty with no book open or parchment over the desk. The kitchen was your second guess, his only house elf there welcoming you but saying nothing of the whereabouts of your boyfriend. You started to feel fidgety as you made your way to the stairs to go to his room when your eye caught the fire burning in the living room, the back of his head popping over the single couch there, the place he hated the most in the house.

"Theo?" you called again, walking slowly behind him. The glass in his hand making little flickers shine on the walls with the light of the fire.

He didn't answer you, barely gave you a side glance to acknowledge your presence before he took a slow sip of his glass.

You took a shaky breath, going to sit on the floor in front of him. You rested your arms in his lap, looking for his eyes with a small smile "What is it?" you asked him and he shook his head "Is something, you're in the living room. You hate it in here." you said softly.

He couldn't help but look at you, your voice sounding what he imagined an angel's voice was like. He wanted to smile, to reach his hand to your cheek and tell you he loved you. But the voice in his head was right, he wasn't worthy of it. Of you.

"It's nothing," he murmured, voice hoarse as he spoke "Just a bad day."

You nodded, taking his free hand in yours and intertwining your fingers with his "You want to tell me about it?" you asked.

He rose his eyebrows, talking about what was going on inside his head something still so foreign to him. He didn't want to burden you with his problems, even if you knew, knowing and actively being part of them was different. He had noticed how you have him his space, never forcing him to talk and instead taking his mind away from what was bothering him.

"I can tell you about my day," you offered when he stayed quiet, his eyes softening at your bright smile "You don't have to say anything, just listen." you said, crawling a little closer to him.

You looked like a little child, moving your arms and making voices and faces as you narrated your day at work. It wasn't even that amazing as you made it sound, but he still found it amusing how you made a harmless spell backfiring on someone sound like one of the trial Hercules went through.

You saw him smiling down at you, but never point it out and instead carrying on with the story until the end.

"That's amazing, love." he said, leaning to kiss your forehead softly, lingering there for a little more than usual.

You stated sadly at him, looking over his fallen features. It hurt you to watch him so defeated, to not be able to do anything for him. You wanted nothing more than to be able to take his pain away for at least a moment, to make him see what you saw. Not a bad man but a changed one.

"You know I love you, right?" you told him, caressing his cheek with your thumb. His eyes snapped at you both in shock and fear, but he nodded nonetheless and you smiled "And that there is no one I would rather have by my side?"

He took your hand, stopping your movement in his face "I'm bad Y/N," he said coldly "The things I did, what I became…"

"You did because you had no other choice." you said strongly, taking a kneeling position as you held his face in your hands "You did it to survive and you did."

"It was awful." he whispered, the images flashing in his head. The students and people that opposed to Voldemort, their bodies laying on the floor of the very same house he lived in, some still whimpering silently as they stated at the lifeless ones next to them. All the cries of pain and screaming begs for him to stop, the fearful eyes staring at his wand as he muttered the words. Those three words that should have him locked away in Azkaban to never see the light of day again, to never see his friend again, so he could have never met you.

He didn't deserve the happiness you have him when he had cause so much pain, so much suffering, so much death.

"I don't deserve this." he said, pushing your hands away from him as he stood.

"Theo," you whispered going after him and taking his arm in your hand "You do deserve it."

He looked back at you, eyes tormented as he tilted his head "You're just saying it because you love me, and that is exactly my point." he said loudly "Why do you love me? You know what I've done, what has happened in this house."

You bit the inside of your cheek to not yell, trying to keep clam for the both of you "I love you because you make me happy," you started to say calmly "Because you love me too and care for me as much as I care for you. Because even if you've done things you regret you aren't those things. You have been there for me in my lowest days and you never loved me less for that so I'll be damned if I let you feel like you don't deserve my love or the love of your friends." you ended up yelling, your chest moving fast with your breathing before it was crushed.

Theo had launched himself to your arms, silently weeping in your neck as you reacted with the same emotion, wrapping your arms around his chest. He lifted you slightly from the ground but you couldn't care less, he could damped your shirt with his tears and you wouldn't even blink an eye.

You brought one hand to the back of his head, slowly running your fingers through his hair. "You're a wonderful person, Theodore Nott. And I will make sure you now that every single day." you whispered in his ear, his embrace tightening.

You pulled from him after a moment, looking lovingly into his eyes, pointing to the glass he had abandoned over the table " Finish that up, darling." you told him.

He frowned but didn't fight you, downing the glass in one go "Why, where are we going?" he asked following you to the entrance as you grabbed your coat, handing him his.

"Comfort food." you said with a smile, opening your hand for him to take an apparating in Diagon Alley.

He had always compared you to a child, a very clever child in the body of a beautiful woman, he said. And you could see why, not fifteen minutes had passed and you were already holding two coffees and a lot of his favorite pastries.

You sat down on a bench, eating away without a care in the world as the people walked by.

"You are good with comfort food.' he said to you, a tiny smile playing in his lips.

"Only the best for you, my love." you told him stretching your neck as much as you could to kiss him. In the end he ended up leaning down and you smiled in the kiss.

Of course, the world hated you. The characteristic clear of a throat you had come to hate and despise making you pull with a glare.

"Y/N, is good to see you here."

"It's healer Y/L/N to you, Williams," you said, glancing at Theo when his eyes followed him.

"I see your still with the Slytherin coward." he said smugly, a grin as he eyes Theo "Did you enjoyed running from the battle, you snake? "

“I don't know Jason, did you enjoy hiding in the Great Hall while everybody fought?" he answered, not even looking amused his face looked void of any emotion a she stood up, standing face to face."You see, I was at the battle and I saw you. Never thought it was worth mentioning but you seem very eager to talk about it now." he told him.

Jason clenched his jaw, turning to you "You can do better than this." he grunted, with his hand pointing at Theo.

"Not possible," you said, staring straight into his eyes "Now get out of our sight before I hex you permanently to the fourth floor." you hissed, stepping between him and Theo.

He had turned furiously, storming away before you call "And Jason? Don't you ever dare say anything to him again. He might be a Slytherin but I am a pissed Y/H/H."

You left the threat hanging in the air, watching him go as you turned back to Theo. Your face changed so fast he didn't know if it had been real, your shaking face replaced by a sweet smile as you sat back down, handing him his cup of coffee.

"Theo, you can sit now." you told him, his eyes shining as he did. It took you a moment to realize he was staring at you, a chuckle leaving your mouth as you playfully slapped his arm "Stop looking at me like that."

But he did even listen to you, taking your hand as you looked at him in surprise "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me." he told you, bringing your hand to his lips.

You smiled shyly, blushing slightly that it could be mistaken by the cold air in your face "I love you, Y/N." he said, bringing you to his arms.

"I love you too." you whispered, nuzzling your head in his shoulder as he held you close to him, and you decided then and there,

You never wanted to leave his arms.

TAGS: @fanficflaneuse @nebulablakemurphy @lupins-sweater @accio-rogers @gloriousrebelrunaway @slytherinprincess03 @not-today-anxiety @strawberriesonsummer @infinity1o1 @haphazardhufflepuff

Shoot me an ask or something if you wanna be tagged!

#theodore nott oneshot #theodore nott x y/n #theodore nott x you #theodore nott x reader #theodore nott #theo nott #hp fanfic #hp fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #Draco Malfoy #pansy parkinson #blaise zabini #harry potter requests #Requests #beside you

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livia-dovehallow · 4 years ago

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Could you do for your celebration something with little Eugenia Lightwood maybe when Sophideon found out they were expecting, or something cute with her when she was a lil baby pleaseeee

This ended up being longer than I anticipated... but hopefully that’s not a bad thing! Please enjoy this Sophideon + their daughters fluff <3

Girl Dad - Sophideon (ft. Barbara & Eugenia)

Characters: Gideon Lightwood, Sophie Collins, Barbara Lightwood, Eugenia Lightwood, Gabriel Lightwood

Time: 1881-1882, London, England

“Barbara Margaret Lightwood!” Sophie barked from the doorway. Her one-year-old daughter froze in her bassinet, her fruit-filled fists leaking through her fingers. She stared back at her mother with wide brown eyes and an angry scowl. “Do not throw that peach.”

In defiance, Barbara launched the peach across the table where it landed in Sophie’s cup of tea. Barbara began to cry, then, when she went to put her fist in her mouth and found that her peach was no longer there. Sophie forced herself to calm down. She pinched the bridge of her nose and inhaled deeply.

“Whoa,” came a deep voice behind her. “What happened here?”

Gideon stepped forward and plated a sweet kiss on Sophie’s cheek before moving toward their daughter. Barbara raised her arms toward her father; her sticky fingers latched on to his shirt the moment he lifted her. Her small face was drenched in tears. “She is having a morning,” answered Sophie with an aggravated sigh. “I can’t possibly take it today. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Perhaps I need more sleep.”

Gideon bounced Barbara in his arms and cooed soothingly. The little girl hiccuped and sniffed all over his shirt, but she had begun to calm down with her father’s comfort. Gideon looked over at Sophie as he bounced her, his eyebrows furrowed. “Did you not sleep well last night, love?” he asked. “You snored like a sailor so I thought you’d slept quite well.”

Sophie scowled. “I do not snore.”

“As if,” Gideon laughed boisterously. This made Barbara giggle. “I love you Soph, but you snore horrendously on occasion. Especially when you were—“ he paused, a thought visibly occurring to him. “When you were pregnant.”

Sophie blinked at him in shock. “I’m certainly not pregnant,” she stated, though she was unsure. Was she? It was not out of the realm of possibility. They’d discussed having another child plenty—Barbara was certainly lonely. The only other children in the family besides her were Charles and Jesse, but Charles did not like to play with Barbara and Tatiana had adamantly refused to let her son around any of his cousins or uncles. “Right?” she added, with a questioning look at her husband.

Gideon recovered from his pondering at his daughter’s whimper. He gently patted her back while bouncing her as he looked at Sophie. “It’s possible,” he wondered aloud. “We haven’t exactly been avoiding another pregnancy as of late.”

“Oh dear,” Sophie breathed. She leaned against the frame of the doorway and buried her face in her hands. “I’ve been snapping at Barbara all morning and it isn’t her fault.”

Footsteps grew closer to her. Sophie glanced up through her fingers and found her daughter’s small face peering back. Gideon said nothing, but smiled gently. Sophie moved her hands to cup Barbara’s face and kissed her head. “Mummy’s very sorry for getting angry with you,” she told her. “Will you please forgive me?”

Barbara smiled and nodded, her tears dry on her face. Sophie wiped them off with a gentle brush of her thumb. “I love you so much, my precious girl,” she said gently. Barbara smiled bigger.

“How about I ring my brother and see if he’s willing to watch Barbara for a bit? We can see the Brothers and find out if you’re pregnant or ill.” Gideon turned his body so he could see them both, his wife and daughter. “I hardly think he would say no. Look at her little face.”

Barbara giggled and patted her still-sticky fingers on her father’s shirt. Sophie couldn’t help but smile back. “Are you sure?” she asked him, wary of making a fuss about something that may turn out to be nothing after all.

Gideon nodded. “I’m sure,” he stated confidently. “Gabriel adores Barbara. I truly don’t think he requires any reason to see her.”

Barbara’s eyes lit up. “Uncle Gabe!”

Sophie laughed at Gideon’s betrayed expression.

“Barbara!” Gabriel called from the top of the stairs the moment they walked through the doors of the Institute. Sophie watched with amusement as Gabriel launched himself down the steps and came to a screeching halt before his brother, who he ignored in favor of the small child in his arms.

Barbara squealed with glee and reached out for her uncle, who took her gladly. He squeezed her tight, a bright smile across his face. Sophie had to admit it was quite nice to see Gabriel genuinely happy these days. “I suppose this means you wouldn’t mind looking after her for a few hours?” Sophie questioned. Gabriel glanced up at her. “Gideon and I must drop into the Silent City for a bit and we’d prefer to keep Barbara here where she feels more comfortable.”

Gabriel’s expression fell a bit, his eyebrows furrowing just like his brother’s did. “The Silent City?” he repeated, ignoring Barbara’s grip on his hair. “Is something wrong?”

Gideon shook his head. “Not at all,” he said to his brother calmly. “Just some preemptive health check. We shouldn’t be too long.”

“All right,” Gabriel said with a suspicious look. He turned back to Barbara and his smile returned. “Of course I don’t mind looking after her.”

Sophie felt relieved. “Thank you,” she told him, and gripped his arm. “I know it’s short notice so I am thankful.”

Gabriel smiled. “We’re family.”

The Silent City always spooked Sophie. She had not grown up Nephilim so she’d never had a need to become used to Silent Brothers, let alone ever been permitted to visit the Silent City prior to her Ascension.

Come to think of it, Sophie had never been to the Silent City until she fell pregnant with Barbara. Gideon had insisted from the moment she woke up vomiting.

Now, she ventured into the city from its Highgate entrance hand in hand with Gideon. She still felt unnerved by the silence but was no longer afraid. Jem was here and she was not afraid of Jem.

Gideon and Sophia Lightwood, rang a monotonous voice in her mind. Sophie peered steadfastly into the hazy darkness. A cloaked figure approached them: Brother Enoch.

“Brother Enoch,” Gideon replied politely with a bow of his head. “We apologize for the sudden visit, but we had a matter of importance we seek assistance with.”

What is the matter of importance? Brother Enoch replied. Sophie lifted her chin.

“There is a possibility that I may be with child,” she explained evenly. Gideon squeezed her hand. “We are not certain, however. We’ve come to seek an answer.”

I see there is something, said Brother Enoch. A further examination is required to determine your answer.

Sophie swallowed a lump of anticipation and follow the Brother further into the Silent City. A gentle hum filled the otherwise soundless corridors—even their footsteps made no sound despite not bearing Soundless runes. Gideon’s hand on the small of her back reassured her, however, and calmed her nerves.

The group entered a small, dimly lit room. In the center was a single large stone, meant to serve as an observation seat. Sophie settled herself in and breathed slowly.

Have you experience any unusual ailments similar to those of your first pregnancy, Mrs. Lightwood?

“Irritability,” Sophie admitted mournfully.

“Snoring,” added Gideon thoughtfully. Sophie scowled at him.

“Other than that,” Sophie continued, “not a thing that has been too noticeable.”

Brother Enoch did not respond but continued his movements; slow and precise, in the air over Sophie. She closed her eyes and laid back. It wouldn’t take long for Enoch to come to a conclusion, but she was so tired.

I am impressed you were able to detect this so early, said Brother Enoch, removing his hands and returning them to his front. You are, in fact, with child, Mrs. Lightwood. I suspect you are only six to eight weeks into your pregnancy.

Gideon let out a sudden whoop of happiness and Sophie smiled brightly. “Truly?” she wondered aloud.

Yes, I am certain, answered Brother Enoch. Congratulations to you both. It is too early to tell if you are having a son or a daughter, however. If you’d like, you may come back in several weeks time to learn.

Sophie nodded. “It’s all right,” she said, happiness flooding her body. She turned to Gideon, who looked so happy he may cry. “Son or daughter, it doesn’t matter. Right?”

“Right,” Gideon confirmed, his voice strained from trying to remain calm. He looked up to Enoch. “Thank you, Brother Enoch. This is truly wonderful news.”

**Ten Months Later**

“Genia,” Gideon cooed desperately at the infant screaming in his arms. “Hush, darling, you’re all right.”

“Is Genie sad?” Barbara questioned. She stood at Gideon’s side, her head barely reaching the tops of his knees. She’d been glued to her sister’s side from the moment she met her, curious to see this new member of the family who cried so much.

Gideon smiled despite his growing fatigue. “Babies cry for many reasons,” he told his firstborn. “Right now, she is crying because she is tired.”

“So why does she not go to sleep then?”

Gideon chuckled, still bouncing his newborn daughter. Eugenia appeared to have been born with lungs of steel. “She needs to learn how to that, Babs. That’s why Mum and I take turns holding her at night; so she can feel safe and happy enough to sleep.”

Barbara nodded. She was in her own nightgown preparing to sleep when she heard her sister’s cries and followed Gideon into the nursery. Her dark hair was tied up to keep her cool in the summer heat and it made her look so much like Sophie. “Don’t cry Genie,” she said after a moment, her small face gentle and kind. “Papa says we are safe.”

Gideon knelt down beside her and kissed her head. “That is right,” he said to her. Barbara leaned closer to her baby sister and kissed her cheek, wet with tears. Eugenia began to calm, her screams settling into fading whimpers. Barbara smiled brightly.

“I did it, Papa!” she exclaimed quietly and with wide brown eyes.

“Yes, you did,” came Sophie’s voice. She strode into the nursery and smiled, tired. “You are a wonderful sister, my darling, but it is also time for you to go to sleep.”

Barbara nodded and skipped to her mother’s side. “Goodnight, Papa! Goodnight, Genie!”

Gideon blew her a kiss. “Sleep well, all right? Listen to your mum.”

Sophie lifted Barbara into her arms and hugged her close. Barbara rested her little head on her mother’s shoulder. “I love you,” Sophie said to Gideon.

Gideon stood, Eugenia beginning to finally fall asleep in his arms. He looked at all three of them, his girls, and felt more at peace than ever before in his life. This was his family; his to love, his to protect, and his to love him in return.

“I love you, too,” he whispered. “All of you.”

Thanks for your request! I had so many ideas that I had to force myself to pick small pieces of each to create flashes of memories. I might expand more on all these wonderful prompts!

Join the celebration! It’s my birthday!

#maggie answers #kind anons #sophie collins #gideon lightwood #barbara lightwood #eugenia lightwood #gabriel lightwood #the last hours #tsc #maggie's birthday celebration

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lizzielikeborden · 5 years ago

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Why?

Request: Omg can I pleaseeee have a JJ from outer banks imagine w the prompt “Do you even still love me” and/or “If you don’t hug me right now I think I might fall apart”? I love JJ and I’m desperate for imagines

Authors Note: angst, self harm, and fluff

Cleaning with JJ was a task. Though he wasn’t the messiest person you could think of off the top of your head, he was certainly one of them. So, once a week the two of you would deep clean your room. That specific day you switched sides. You’d clean his side and he would clean yours.

Your side was mostly laundry, (whatever hobby you have that requires objects, like drawing, playing instrument, building legos etc.), notes, hair ties, and water bottles. His was laundry, tools, bottles glass and plastic, your hair ties, garbage, knick-knacks, and things from the ocean. Like shark teeth, and seashells. You started by separating his laundry, hanging up and folding his clean clothes. Putting the dirty in a basket.

“Hey, I’ll be back, i’m gonna put your dirty laundry in the washer.”

He nodded and saluted to you. As you walked away you wondered why JJ was so quiet. He hadn’t talked much since this morning, but as far as you could remember he was perfectly fine last night. What you didn’t know was while you were gone he took it upon himself to look through some of your drawers and pockets in clothes. And the more he looked the more he found. He found so many tiny x-acto blades. And the closer he examined them the more he realized there was dry blood on them and little tiny dents and scratches. Except for a few that seemed to be new. He didn’t know what to feel. He was so mad. Absolutely furious. But at the same time he was sad, so sad to see that you felt like that was even a good idea, or that that was your only release. He lost it, he yelled your name in what seemed like pure anger,

“Y/N!”

He stormed into the little laundry room and looked at you dead in the eyes, his face red with sadness and anger.

“Hey are you okay?” You took a step toward JJ and went to hold his hand

“Roll up your sleeves.” He demanded grabbing your left wrist loosely, as an angry tear fell down his face.

“Excuse me?” You pulled your hand away, a bit scared, even though he completely let go.

“Do you even still love me?” He stared into your eyes with intensity.

“Yes JJ.” You spoke with no hesitation.

“Yeah. Whatever. Clearly that’s straight bullshit.” He stormed off into the house somewhere else, you heard him hit a wall and scream out in anger.

You broke down crying against the dryer, shaking and looking at your wounded arms. Which made you break down even more. You knew he knew, and you were so afraid. So incredibly afraid. You rose slowly and tip-toed into the bedroom. Peeking in, JJ wasn’t in there. You began to rapidly search for blades, but you couldn’t find a single one. You could feel your heart in your chest and a pit rotting in your stomach. Your eyes spilled out tears and you didn’t even care.

“Looking for these.”

You jumped up and saw JJ standing there with a handful of small blades. He was now in tears just watching you dig and look for your weapons. He was shaking all over, nodding his head, and chewing on his bottom lip.

“You know last night you went to bed early. And when I got in bed you had long sleeves on but the way you were sleeping one was slightly rolled up and I saw a few little tiny cuts. And I wasn’t able to sleep. I haven’t eaten all day. I’m so worried about you. Just. Just. Why? Why would you do this? Are you not happy with me? What is going on?” His voice demanded answers, it carried up and down from angry to sad throughout his little speech.

“JJ.... I-” You couldn’t find words. Just tears and coughing from not being able to breath.

“What? You what?” He walked closer toward you.

“I’m just stuck okay. I don’t know how to express when i’m depressed because I've never had to or needed to before. I’ve done this for years. Every time my depression spikes I relapse. I don’t know why this happens but cutting makes me feel better and act like myself...” You talked incredibly fast as JJ stood above you in tears.

“You can tell me anything Y/N! Hell just tell me when you’re depressed. I don’t care if it’s all the time. I don’t care what I have to do. I’d do anything to make you feel better. Anything in this entire mother fucking world. You don’t need this anymore. In fact you don’t need these.” He shook the blades around in his hand and threw them in the trash can behind him against the wall. “Please. Let me see the cuts. I promise I won’t judge you. I just. For safety I need to see them.”

You took a step back from JJ and took off his hoodie. Underneath of that you had cuts on your stomach and arms. He burst into tears and stepped toward you. He grazed his fingers softly over a few of them. He couldn’t believe it. He didn’t know what to do. He blamed himself even though you said you’d done it for years. And you could tell that’s what he was thinking just by the way he was looking at you. You grabbed his face with ease and pulled his head up to yours and kissed his lips.

“JJ I promise with all my heart that this isn’t your fault. See these little scars?” You pointed out some of your scars, “Those are from before us, in fact it was a lot worse before you.”

He took deep breaths and looked you dead in the eyes.

“Promise me you will try your hardest to never do this again and that you’ll come to me when you feel like doing this so I can at least try and help you. Promise that you won’t go get more blades and you won’t hide things like this from me.”

“I promise JJ.”

He stood in front of you and took in a big deep breath. Then you spoke

“If you don’t hug me I think I might fall apart.”

Seconds after hearing that he pulled you into a tight embrace. He held you and kissed your head and whispered about how much he loved you into your ear. You finally had someone to help you and love you and care about all of this. You loved him so much...

#jj x reader #jj imagine #jj x you #jj fanfiction #jj outer banks #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x you #outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks netflix

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imagine-loki · 4 years ago

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Blushing in His Colours, Chapter 11

TITLE: Blushing in His Colours CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 11 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki being a Daddy Dom, his adores and loves his little, worships the ground she walks on. She has vaginismus, but he couldn’t be more supportive with her. RATING: M