#can I just say that ana has always been a inspiration to me

[tainari]

I’m so in love with my new icon and header ;; A ;; !!!! Thank you Ana ( @gojosattoru ) ♡♡♡♡♡

[ateez-ana]

i have the time of my life fighting dragons with you

relashionship with ateez members

hongjoong:

these two are…. well we'll get to that eventually, They have known each other since trainee days and have been through thick and thin together. They trust each other implicitly and rely on each other for support and guidance.

Their friendship extends beyond personal connection. They often collaborate on creative projects, bouncing ideas off each other and sharing their artistic visions. Hongjoong values Ana's input and considers her a creative muse.

hey admire each other's talents and leadership qualities. Ana respects Hongjoong's dedication, passion, and ability to bring the group together. Hongjoong, in turn, admires Ana's creativity, versatility, and ability to connect with the audience.

They are each other's biggest cheerleaders. They celebrate each other's successes and offer comfort during challenging times. Their friendship is a source of strength and inspiration for both of them.

Ana and Hongjoong met in 2016, during auditions for KQ Entertainment,their relationship is based on trust and mutual respect. They tell each other the truth no matter how difficult it is, and they are always there to listen to each other and offer each other a shoulder to cry on.

The relationship between Ana and Hongjoong has been a subject of much speculation and discussion among ATINYs. While there is no official confirmation of their romantic involvement, their undeniable chemistry and close bond have led many fans to believe that they are more than just friends.

Over the years, various rumors and speculations have circulated about Ana and Hongjoong's relationship. These rumors have often stemmed from their interactions during live performances, interviews, and social media posts. Some fans have pointed to instances of them holding hands, exchanging lingering glances, or showing affectionate gestures towards each other as evidence of their romantic connection.

"Hongjoong is so talented. He can rap, sing, dance, and write songs. He's an all-around amazing artist." - Ana, in a V Live broadcast

seonghwa

Seonghwa serves as a mentor and role model for Ana. She looks up to his maturity, wisdom, and leadership skills. Seonghwa, in turn, sees Ana as a bright and promising artist with great potential.

they often discuss music theory, songwriting, and their favorite artists. Seonghwa enjoys sharing his musical knowledge with Ana, and she appreciates his guidance and support.

They have a deep understanding of each other's personalities and needs. They can read each other's emotions and offer support without even saying a word, He always makes sure she is comfortable with her wardrobe, they share clothes with each other, he always makes sure she eats enough and prevents her from seeing comments about her body since in his eyes she is a baby who needs protection.

Their close-knit relationship has often been compared to that of siblings, a testament to the depth and genuineness of their connection. This sibling-like bond is playfully expressed through their "lost sibling" joke, a lighthearted quip that has endeared them to fans worldwide.

Seonghwa's fervent love for Star Wars, a sci-fi saga that Ana has yet to fully embrace. Seonghwa, determined to share his passion, has reportedly employed various tactics, including "forceful persuasion," to convince Ana to delve into the world of Jedi and Sith.

nerdy duo after that they usually recreate scenes from the saga, they even dressed up as Leah and Luke for Halowen

"Seonghwa seemed a bit intimidating at first, but I soon realized that he's actually a big softie. He's always there for me, and he always knows how to make me smile.

Despite their initial impressions of each other, Seonghwa and Ana quickly developed a close bond. They became roommates during their trainee days, and they have spent countless hours together practicing, performing, and simply hanging out. Their friendship is built on mutual respect, admiration, and shared sense of humor.

[chronicowboy]

this is a silly little ficlet inspired by and written for @danielsousa my beloved <3

When Buck pulls up outside Eddie's house, he turns the engine off. He shouldn't. There's no reason to really. He's just dropping Eddie off. Only Eddie makes no move to get out of the Jeep for the thirty seconds they idle in the driveway. He just stares at his front door like its a particularly difficult math equation he has no intention of solving. So, Buck turns the engine off.

The sudden silence is almost suffocating, the tension between them pulled taut from their night of trash talk that had veered further towards flirting the longer the night went on - the more chips Buck lost to Eddie at the poker table.

When Eddie looks at him, something calculating and pleading in his eyes, Buck's chest tightens in anticipation of what's to come.

"I think," Eddie tilts his head, narrows his eyes slightly, "you should walk me to the door."

"Okay," Buck says softly, his heart making up for all the beats it had missed after the lightning strike. He unbuckles his seatbelt and reaches for the door, but Eddie's hand lands on his knee and aborts the movement into a twitch of fingers.

For a moment, they do nothing but stare down at the point of contact like its a disaster waiting to happen. Buck stares until he finds the courage to meet Eddie's eyes and finds him already looking back. He swallows thickly. Eddie retracts his hand. The absence of his touch burns like acid.

"I think I'm going to start dating again," Eddie murmurs into the darkness of the Jeep.

Buck doesn't remember what it felt like to fall off the top of the ladder, he doesn't remember the brief weightlessness or the snap of the slack line when he reached its end, he was already dead. But he thinks it must have felt something like this because his stomach floats for a beat before dropping like a hunk of lead.

"Oh, that's..." He inhales, holds, exhales. "Good for you, man."

Eddie's eyes flick over his face, desperate and searching, a little frantic about it. If Buck didn't know better, if he allowed himself to feel the heady intoxication of whatever it was they'd been doing all night, he'd think Eddie was begging him to object.

But then, he nods and climbs out of the Jeep.

It takes Buck a moment to remember he's supposed to walk him to the door. He staggers out onto the driveway on unsteady legs, the gravel like slick metal rungs under his feet, and drifts effortlessly to Eddie's side. Their shoulders bump just like always and then they're moving towards the door, the fifteen familiar yards stretching into a mile hike.

Eddie unlocks the door with careful movements, but he pauses halfway to the handle. He turns, takes a step towards Buck, stares.

Buck fights the urge to itch the fading scars on his shoulders, sparks of electricity tingling under his skin at the weight of Eddie's eyes on him.

"A-any ideas how you're gonna get back into dating?" Buck asks, just as desperate as Eddie's eyes had been.

"Not really," Eddie says evenly. "I know dating apps are a thing but..."

"Not your thing," Buck snorts. "I can just imagine you matching with a Hildy and throwing your phone at the wall."

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, Flash." Eddie shakes his head with a chuckle, looks back at Buck from under his eyelashes. Buck's breath catches deep in his chest. "I meant more because dating apps are like for hook-ups, right?"

"Some, not all," Buck says simply because he had not once considered their night would end like this, with Buck explaining the intricacies of modern dating to his... To Eddie.

"Its just difficult, you know?" Eddie sighs, falls back against the wall next to the door. "Attraction's always been difficult for me."

"Yeah?" Buck raises an eyebrow, half curiousity, half surprise.

"Its like..." He sighs, deep and heavy. "I don't know. With Shannon, we were friends first and then I started noticing her as more than that. And Ana was... Well," he grimaces, "I'm not entirely sure I was ever attracted to her." Eddie's eyes light up with something thoughtful. "I'm pretty sure the only person I've ever known I was attracted to is..." Eddie snaps his mouth shut suddenly, his gaze drifting over Buck's shoulder.

Buck nods. He doesn't know what it means.

There have been a hundred moments tonight, a hundred moments imbued with something intentional, a hundred moments that felt like the edge of something. This moment feels like the tip of the blade they're both balancing on.

"Sex complicates everything," Buck breathes, an echo of a long ago moment when the worst thing they'd been through together was the hour-long line at Santa's grotto filled with handsy moms and snotty children.

"Yeah," Eddie murmurs, eyes dropping to Buck's lips, just for a second. "Yeah, I guess it does." He stares once again, with those dark, desperate eyes. And then, "night, Buck."

Eddie slips through the front door, and the click of the lock has Buck losing his footing on the knife edge he's been abandoned on.

He should move, should climb into his Jeep and drive back to his loft. He should drink a glass of water, wash the night off him and get some rest. He should, should, should. But he's so fucking tired of doing what he thinks he should. For once, for once, he wants to do what he fucking wants.

And right now there's only one thing he wants.

Buck takes one step, two, three. He raises his fist to knock on the door just as it swings open.

And, stood there like every one of Buck's dreams come true, is a wild and warm-eyed Eddie.

They stare, Eddie glances down at Buck's lips, and they reach for each other as synchronised as they are in everything else. They collide, a tangle of lips and longing and teeth and desire and tongues and yearning, a culmination of a night of lingering looks and flighty touches, a crescendo to a five-year masterpiece of trust and intimacy.

Eddie pulls Buck into his home with hot, clinging hands. Buck follows, as he always does, like a moth to a flame.

Sex may complicate everything, but right then and there, there's nothing quite as simple as want.

[fxnfiction]

Buddie Fic Recs! (pt 2)

Shes back with Buddie fic recs part two! (Find part one here)

I love you fanfiction authors! Please send over your fav fics and remember to leave kudos & comments when you can!

ripples all the way down by iriswests | 57k | M

With some coercion, Buck allows Maddie to set him up on a date. Surprisingly, the date goes well — and it keeps his mind off the unnamable feelings he’s been studiously ignoring for his best friend.

Until Christopher’s science report on gentoo penguins — no, seriously — sets off a series of events that has him somehow spending more time at the Diazes’ side, and he feels like he’s going just a little bit insane trying to juggle a burgeoning relationship, his jealousy over Eddie’s own new relationship with Ana, and his inability to move on from the place that’s been his for three years in the Diazes’ lives.

Oh, and Eddie keeps looking at him like he has something to say — except he never says it.

This is the tumultuous road to finding out what Buck truly wants, paved by pebbles.

--

or; christopher partakes in some parent trapping

-

Let My Ink Stain Your Pages by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels | 107k | E

Having just killed off his popular character, bestselling author Evan Buckley needs some new inspiration and fast. Luckily for him, Det. Eddie Diaz is about to stroll into his life.

The last thing Eddie needs is a reckless mystery writer partnering with him and causing trouble. Or, rather, the last thing he needs is an inappropriate crush. Too bad he doesn't have a choice, because he's about to become the main character in Buck's new book series.

…everyone, place your bets.

-

i like you so much (it's kinda gross) by aficatyourfingertips, brewrosemilk | 10k | E

Buck Buckley (@firefighterbuck):@eddiediaz I’ll never be able to tug your hair now, huh?

Eddie Diaz (@eddiediaz):@firefighterbuck It’s against the rules, anyway. You don’t look like a fighter, though. What situation would we be in that would make you want to tug my hair?

(Or: Eddie is an MMA fighter and Buck thirsts on twitter.)

-

The Definition of Love and All Things Ineffable by ElvenSorceress | 29k | T

Maddie asks him, like she’s been waiting to ask him, “Does Christopher call you ‘Uncle Buck’?”

It’s… it sounds so casual. Nonchalant. Maybe even reasonable? And like there’s something she’s trying to figure out, but why would Chris ever call Buck his uncle? He’s Jee-Yun’s uncle. “No,” Buck answers. “Why?”

“He called me Aunt Maddie.” She tips her head curiously, brows knit together. “You’re far closer to him than I am. I thought if I’m his aunt, you’d have to be his uncle. Why wouldn’t you be Uncle Buck?”

There are pieces of chicken mushed into Jee’s fingers and carrots sticking to the bib draped over her front and what might be peas caught in her hair.

And Buck doesn’t really have an answer.

It’s just. It’s wrong. He’s not Chris’ Uncle Buck. Maybe he should be? Maybe he’s supposed to be? Or maybe Chris doesn’t call him that directly because he’s always been BFF Buck or His Buck. He shrugs and uneasiness settles in his stomach.

What more could he ever be to Chris but an uncle?

~~~

In which Buck processes his breakup, learns his place in his family, has a huge crisis of sexuality, and finds the truth about love beating in his own heart.

-

Still Waters by MilenaDaniels | 7k | E

As Eddie lays on the hot pavement bleeding out, his eyes locked on Buck’s bloody face, his hand reaching out towards him, what washes over him isn’t his hard-earned stillness nor is it shock.

It’s clarity, edging slowly into focus from off-stage.

And when he wakes up in the hospital bed and registers a soft, slim hand in his, he thinks, "no, that’s not it".

----

Or, Five Ways Eddie's Body Feels Different After the Shooting

-

One Week by elisela | 3k | G

Christopher's week revolves around Buck.

-

wastin' my time when it was always you by heartbeatdiaz | 20k | M

"Do you think it'll be like this forever?" Eddie whispers, as low as he can, so as to not wake Maddie up.

"What do you mean?" Evan tilts his head and frowns, confused.

"You and me. Us, being best friends. You think we can have this forever?" Eddie really hopes so. He likes building blanket forts with Evan and his sister, he likes going on adventures with his best friend and pretending they're pirates together. He likes all of it and he doesn't want it to ever end.

"Yeah, Eds. Duh!"

"You promise?"

"Promise." They both hook their pinky fingers and maybe they don't know it then, but that will be one of the most important promises they make in their life. And one of the hardest to keep as well.

or;

The one where they're childhood best friends, life separates them and then, years later, they find each other again.

-

and oh dear lord, think im buried in too deep by parker_kingofbees | 3k | G

“Oh, sorry,” David says quickly. Then, after a pause and a confused look sent Michael’s way, he elaborates, “Just, Michael had told me you two were dating.”

Well that’s a little weird. Buck doesn’t know Michael too well, but he’s talked to him a few times at group gatherings. Michael thought he and Eddie were a couple this whole time? He looks at the man in question quizzically.

“Well, that’s what May had told me,” Michael explains defensively. Buck and Eddie then turn their eyes to May, who looks a little like a deer in the headlights.

“Wait, but Mom said-”

Before the blame can even properly be placed on Athena, she interrupts. “Bobby told me himself that you two were dating.”

Finally, Buck and Eddie face Bobby questioningly.

“What do you mean, you aren’t dating?” Bobby asks, looking about as confused as everyone else.

//

aka literally everyone thinks that buck and eddie are dating

-

the darker side of lust (the other side of us) by anonymous | 11k | E (tw cnc)

Buck explains himself as best as he can, hedging a lot and making it clear that he’ll have no trouble living without this if they decide not to go ahead.

Eddie listens carefully, asking judgementless questions and considering the hypotheticals, all without betraying what he’s feeling. Then, when they’ve exhausted all of the possibilities and Buck’s already preparing himself to be disappointed, Eddie smiles and says, “Okay. Let’s do it.”

They buy what they need the next day.

Buck and Eddie try a CNC roleplay.

-

Enjoy! Let me know what you think. Part three out soon! xoxo

[laufire]

Thank you @redhoodinternaldialectical for tagging me!

rules: answer and tag nine people you want to get to know better and catch up with.

favourite colour: any shade of purple/lilac/violet/etc. also maroon/burgundy. also deep blues. that whole spectrum xD

last song: I was out partying last night and it was actually some techno song I couldn't name (it was good though), but the last song I actually remember and can tell you is Aloisio's "Flashbacks". Some eye-roll worthy lines but admittedly "Por ti me arrodillo y no te llamas Mary / No eres la muerte pero eres parecida" does things to me.

currently reading: I'm still going through "Burning Your Boats", a compillation of Angela Carter's short stories, and "Olvidado Rey Gudú" by Ana María Matute, both of which I'll finish this month. I also started reading my ARC of "We Will Devour The Night" by Camilla Andrews (aka @aninkwellofnectar) and caught up with the chapters she's posted of part three of the series (The Essence of the Equinox) in her ko-fi \o/

And, as usual, I'm reading through... many comics. I'm actually going to embarrass myself and list them lol. I'm completing some characters' appearances (prime earth!Jason, new earth's Cass, Steph, Talia, Leslie, Mia), almost done Green Arrow '01 and No Man's Land... + I started Devin Grayson's Catwoman's run (A++ so far!), Suicide Squad '87, and The Death of Superman.

Aaaand I'm keeping up with some ongoing runs. Monstress, Saga (IT'S BACK), Robin Lives, The Boy Wonder, Zatanna: Bring Down the House, Batman '89: Echoes, Batman: Dark Age, Batman: Justice Buster, WFA, Batman: Off-World, Ram V's 'Tec, Batman: Gargoyle of Gotham

currently watching: currently I'm on pause (I'm away on vacation) but when I'm back I'll continue watching old DCAU shows and FINALLY watch part 2 of The Glory. And finishing season 7 of stacked100, since I didn't even watch yesterday's episode lol.

currently craving: an hysterectomy.

coffee or tea: teaaaaaaa, always.

hobby to try: writing poetry. Attempts have been made but I want to go for it lol.

current au: "ooooohhh I got a million of these going at all times" <- same lmao. I'm just going to name the few I'm most focused on rn:

Young Justice: FÉNIX. That One Long Idea About Jason Reuniting With Everyone in the YJTV verse. It will include at least one additional (waaaay shorter, thankfully) story.

Damon & Elena, Marriage of Doom. I'm going to get so MEAN about this one <3

Mia & Jason Dollhouse AU!!

Jason Survives ADITF/No Death in the Family. What is says. Long series expanding from immediately post ADITF to the end of new earth añsdlfjasf. In my head, at least. You will see different versions of Knightfall, No Man's Land, Joker: Last Laugh, Murderer?/Fugitive, War Games/UTRH, and so on...

This ~future canon series that takes inspiration from some elements from A Lonely Place of Living and Duke's story but places them in New Earth. It includes a Damibats story with Damian and Colin as recent exes, a Jaytim story, TWO Jason & Duke stories, and another one where Chris Kent parent traps a divorced Clois. For now xD

Amnesiac Jason. Jason has suffered a psych attack and Bruce gets some creative licenses when he "fixes" him :)))

I'm gonna stop there. For all our sakes lol.

tagging (no pressure): @missbrunettebarbie @blairwaldcrf @wowthatsextra @mircallaruthven @lichfucker

@jaynotwayne @nastasyafilippovnas @danystargaryens @snowdropsandtigers

[ask-overwatch-heroes]

To all of the support heroes:

Who do you love/respect the most? Just curious!

Brigitte: I feel like my answer is obvious, but I really look up to Rein. His stories of the Crusaders and their heroism inspired me to be the warrior I am today!

Mercy: I respect all those who are willing to put their life on the line to protect the innocent.

Lucio: Honestly? Nowadays, I'd say Zenyatta. The man is so chill, he's literally walkin' on air! Like, his vibes are unmatched.

Zenyatta: Why thank you, Lucio. It makes me happy to hear that I have been a source of inspiration.

If I were to say anyone, it would be Student Genji. He has faced so much hardship and pain throughout his life, yet he still finds the motivation to get back up, even if it's for the wrong side.

Illari: Everyone I looked up to... is gone.

Lifeweaver: I find inspiration from mother nature herself. The way nature can persist and evolve, even in the harshest environments, is beautiful.

Ana: I'm a bit old at this point. Most of the people who inspired me are long gone now.

Baptiste: I... I don't know anymore. I always used to look up to Mauga. "If anyone knew what to do, it was him," I thought. But now... not anymore.

Moira: I would say, but I know the world would not like my answer.

[ridiculously-over-obsessed]

OKAY WAIT I SAW UR TAG ABT TTPD - THOUGHTS??? FAV TRACK??? OVERALL RANKING COMPARED TO OTHER ALBUMS??? WE MUST DISCUSS!!!

i cant explain it but this album feels like an amalgamation of folklore and midnights, with the same 'tragic victorian' vibes as evermore... idk im just saying words but do u get it??? like i cant explain it but the fortnight mv has ivy energy to me... i think because ivy ive always associated with this movie, 'the world to come' (would highly recommend), which is mid-late victorian era and then the mv is obliously very heavilly inspired by the 1870s/80s, both in terms of aesthetics and the general theme of female hysteria and its 'treatments'...

it also has massive chloe beale vibes to me... she strikes me as such an annoying swiftie (i say this lovingly) and just the overall sound is something i think she would absolutely EAT UP... my babys such a hopeless romantic, what can i say...

honestly the general themes are kinda giving emily nelson... FLORIDA??? GUILTY AS SIN??? this woman needs her ass ATE

i should say that im making all these deductions having listened to only 1/4 of the songs so far... i also really hope that i havent overstepped the mark and that you care about this as much as i apparently do lmao...

NO BUT I WOULD LOVE TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT MY TTPD OPINIONS BECAUSE ALL I DID YESTERDAY WAS PLAY TEARS OF THE KINGDOM AND LISTEN TO THE ANTHOLOGY ON LOOP

It is stunning, I've so many people be like "I don't like it 😭" and it's like??? Are we even listening to the same album??? This is a masterpiece what are you talking about??? It is solidly in my top 3, I think my album order is probably something like this now (Ana don't look):

folklore

The Tortured Poets Department

Speak Now TV

evermore

Midnights

Reputation

Red TV

1989 TV

Fearless TV

Debut

Lover

As for favourite songs, is all of them an answer??? 😂😂 No but seriously, it is headed for being my 2nd no skip album of TSwifts collection, but top contenders for favourite include:

loml

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

Florida!!! (ft. Florence + The Machine)

Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me?

thanK you aIMee

Cassandra

Peter

The Manuscript

But Daddy I Love Him

I have been saying the same thing!!!! It's giving folklore and Midnights with a touch of Reputation and I am LIVING for it 😍😍😍 no but you're so right, honestly the imagrey of this album has me in a chokehold, Cassandra has scratched my mythology hyperfixation itch so good, I feel like I could spend hours just analysing every song. It is giving Victorian vibes, that gothic traditionilist style of writing and metaphors for feeling 'other' displayed through monsters and magic, the elements of tragedy and fatalism UGH I'm so in love with it 😭😭😭

Chloe Beale is absolutely the annoying swiftie (affectionate) archetype, and I love that for her 😂😍 she would be forcing Beca to listen to each and every single one and watching her the whole time to make sure she was appreciating it (Beca likes to deny she's a swiftie but has been known to absolutely drool over the production of some of the albums in secret)

YES!!! Biggggg Emily Nelson vibes, Whose Afraid Of Little Old Me is very Emily coded to me dfklgjdlkg

There is no need to apologise, I am fully obsessed with TTPD and I will happily ramble about it on main with no shame 😭😭 YOU GOTTA HMU WHEN YOU'VE LISTENED TO THE WHOLE THING, ALL 31 SONGS

[lolablackwrites]

MC Mixer #3--Alice x Bastien

Here is my submission for week 3 of @choicesmcmadness​ ‘s MC Mixer!

Hello, Trend readers! Check out this online exclusive sneak peek from our intrepid arts and lifestyle reporter, Aisha Levins, and her interview with Lord Maxwell Beaumont about his upcoming book, The Royal Romance.

—Ana de Luca

***

Aisha: Lord Beaumont, thank you for taking the time to sit down with me to talk about your upcoming book.

Maxwell: Please, call me Maxwell, and thank you for having me.

Aisha: Your book, The Royal Romance, is one of the most hotly anticipated books in the last few years and from what I understand, preorders are through the roof. What inspired you to write this book?

Maxwell: In a word—Alice. She’s one of my favorite people and she’s really become a sister to me. And her story is a literal fairytale, starting as an American bartender only to rise to become the Champion of the Realm and a duchess, married to the love of her life.

Aisha: The Cordonian public has been fascinated by her from the beginning, and then the tumultuous stories in the press…can we expect to hear the truth behind the tabloids?

Maxwell: Absolutely. And trust me, the real story is even more exciting than what the public knows.

Aisha: How does Duchess Alice feel about you writing this book?

Maxwell: I think she was a little surprised at first because no one knew I was working on a book. (laughs) But she’s been incredibly supportive and at her request, a portion of the proceeds are going to Voices Unsilenced.

Aisha: That’s Duchess Rashida Masih’s organization for victims of sexual violence, correct?

Maxwell: Yes, and if you remember the tabloids, you’ll know why it’s so important to Alice, too. She, Rashida, and Olivia have been doing a lot for that foundation and I’m glad to help in my own way.

Aisha: That’s wonderful to hear. If I can, I’d like to switch gears a bit. Now I know you can’t reveal too much about the book—

Maxwell: Hey, I’ve gotta have a few surprises for you!

Aisha: Of course, of course. But despite being in the tabloids so often, Duchess Alice and Duke Bastien remain a bit of a mystery to the general public as they don’t often give a lot of personal interviews outside of the standard press conferences.

[Editor’s Note: Check back in next month’s issue when Ana de Luca sits down for a rare, exclusive interview with the Duke and Duchess of Valtoria!]

Maxwell: It’s true, I’m really the party face of the family. And I have the best dance moves!

Aisha: That’s certainly uncontested. Speaking of parties, I was hoping to ask a few questions about the duke and duchess and their party habits since the press is not often invited into many of the court events.

Maxwell: Sure, fire away!

Aisha: Tell me—do the duke and duchess arrive on time or fashionably late?

Maxwell: Bastien’s as punctual as all get out, probably from his time as the head of the Royal Guard. Alice is…well, not, but Bertrand would kill all of us if we weren’t on time so between Bertrand and Bastien, they’re usually on time.

Aisha: And what are their drinks of choice?

Maxwell: Bastien…well, he doesn’t usually drink much at court functions. Sometimes a glass of champagne or wine with dinner, but otherwise not much. Now, at private parties…oh, the stories I could tell about Bertrand’s bachelor party…

Aisha: I know our readers would love to hear them!

Maxwell: (awkwardly clearing his throat) I’d better not, I don’t know how happy Bertrand would be with me sharing those. Let’s just say there was beer and a bear and we all survived.

Aisha: As always, no one parties like the Beaumonts. Maybe in the sequel?

Maxwell: Most definitely.

Aisha: And what about Alice’s drink of choice?

Maxwell: Well since she’s pregnant, these days she just sticks to water. But as everyone knows, she was a bartender before we all came crashing into her life, so she has a refined whiskey palate. Red Spot was always one of her favorites.

Aisha: I imagine her bartending skills aren’t often needed at parties anymore.

Maxwell: Not at court functions, but I love having dinner at her and Bastien’s place because he’s an amazing cook and Alice always whips up the most incredible cocktails.

Aisha: Any chance for a recipe or two to end up in the book?

Maxwell: I could probably convince her to let me add a couple to the appendix. The one she made for my last birthday was amazing. I have no idea what was in it, but it was delicious. I had four.

Aisha: What are they like at court functions—are they wallflowers or social butterflies?

Maxwell: Bastien is definitely the more reserved of the two—he’s the strong, silent type, you know—but Alice is definitely the one befriending everyone. I mean, she managed to befriend most of her competitors during the social season, she won over Cordonia after she was unfairly maligned by the press after the social season, she’s raising a ton of funds and positive press for Voices Unsilenced, and she inspired the book I wrote that you’re interviewing me about today. Like I said before, she’s the best.

***

The full interview with Lord Maxwell Beaumont will be available in our next print issue.

[butididntpourthewhiskeys]

sarah, i’ve always loved your writing, i have lost count of how many times i have read your stories, so i was obviously really excited when i saw that you had posted a new one.

just for context, i am from rio and i went to all 3 shows this past weekend. and the second i saw ana’s name i had to stop reading.

she shouldn’t be a theme you are using as inspiration for your stories. her family is GRIEVING. they lost their daughter. she had left her home to experience a life long dream and went back DEAD. fans had to help the family pay for the costs bc they couldn’t afford to bring her home. how can you use this as an inspiration to fanaticise about a celebrity couple? the fact that the people on this blog have literally only talked about travis when all of this happened is horrifying enough. A FAN LOST HER LIFE. it could’ve been me. it could’ve been anyone else in that stadium. i just can’t believe you used this on a fucking fanfiction. taylor would be disgusted to see this.

i get that a lot of europeans and americans don’t care about latino lives, but using ana’s passing as an inspiration was just so low. she WAS a person. with feelings, dreams, goals, a family and friends. now she is gone. and you are using her as a character in your fanfiction while her parents go to bed crying because they’ve lost their daughter.

my heart hurts to see this because i genuinely love your writing and now i keep thinking that maybe if i was the unlucky one on that night i would’ve been the theme of your new story about taylor swift and travis kelce while my friends and family suffer with my passing - just trying to give u some insight of how this looks from the outside, this isn’t about me.

if this had happened to an uk fan at a wembley show, would you have written a fanfiction about it? i bet the answer is no.

brazilian fans have been through hell and back, just trying to make the most of our shows despite all the TERRIBLE things that have happened, this past weekend while you are out here writing this shit. the dehumanisation towards us is just so insane to witness.

truly a disgusting move. i felt sick when i realised what you did. i don’t intend to be mean, but i’m utterly disappointed and hope that you’ll consider deleting that story because it’s insanely disrespectful.

and if you don’t then i guess that you don’t care enough and that’s even worse.

Hey anon, I’ve been sitting on this ask for a bit now and I contemplated whether or not I should post this but I am posting it because I see you and I see your opinion in this and I want to say that I partly agree but that you should try and see this from another perspective: whenever I write (whether that’s fiction or not) it’s because I digest my feelings and try and work through them or put them into context to ultimately move forward. I’m not gonna lie. Last weekend, I was horribly troubled by what happened in Brazil. The thought of a young girl going to a concert and not making it out alive has been traumatizing for this entire fandom. Now, imagine how Taylor must feel if I, a stranger, a girl in pure privilege who doesn’t have to worry about what went down in Brazil last week feels this way. I have contemplated whether I should change her name in my story or represent this inner conflict of Taylor’s in a different way. At the end, I felt like Ana DESERVED to be spoken about. She deserves to be acknowledged, by us, by Taylor, by this big hole in our hearts that she’s left. I understand where you’re coming from anon, but I want you to know that there’s a difference between turning a tragedy into something to get attention for when you’ve got nothing to do with it or to create something that can help everyone process their feelings and emphasize how hard this especially must have been on Taylor.

The only thing I disagree with fully from your ask is the assumption that I don’t care about her because she’s from LatAm? Do you hear yourself? I will not and cannot let this sit on me so I’m not even getting into it. I know you’re horrified but please find someone else to put your anger and frustration onto. Not someone who’s spent her weekend grieving.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

065 of 2023

ED Survey.

Age? 32. Height? 180 cm.

Lowest Weight? 55 kg.

Highest Weight? 85 kg. What weight do you want to weigh?

50 kg.

What eating disorder do you have?

EDNOS.

In Depth How many calories do you eat in a day, on average?

I don’t count, but I probably barely make it to 1000.

Do you throw up your food on occasion?

No, I have emetophobia.

Do you want to look like a supermodel/actress?

No, I want to be invisible so nobody can touch me anymore.

Are you in some sort of extracurricular sport, ie soccer or track?

Yeah, I used to be a basketball player and now I go to the gym.

Has anyone ever teased you about your weight?

Yeah, saying that I’m too thin.

Have you ever fasted? If so, for how long?

Yes, but no longer than 3 days in a row.

Do you take laxatives to get rid of food/calories?

No, it would mess up with my medication.

Are you ‘inspired’ by models/actresses?

I couldn’t care less about them. By the way, I’m a man.

Have you ever been hospitalised for your ED?

No, never.

Have you ever ingested Ipecac to induce vomiting?

No. I’m emetophobic anyway.

Have you ever tried to recover from your eating disorder?

Yeah, but it’s hard.

Body Image Q’s Do you constantly see yourself as fat, even though others say you are not?

Yes, I do. I feel I’m too big and I would lose more weight.

What part of your body would you change?

Everything.

On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you with your body?

Maybe 3, on better days.

Do you judge your value/merit solely on your weight/body?

No, but I have low self-esteem anyway.

Because of your body appearance/weight, have you become severely depressed?

No, I developed anxiety because of sexual abuse and my ED is a result of that.

Do you constantly compare your bodies to supermodels/actresses?

No, I’m a man.

Health/Food Do you think you eat healthy enough?

I’m trying to.

Are you morbidly afraid to eat carbs?

No, but I don’t eat much anyway.

Fat grams?

No.

Calories?

Never counted them.

Are you often tired/fatigued?

I am, but more likely from my medication.

Do you feel more energised after eating food?

Not really.

Do you eat meat?

No, I don’t like meat.

Do you eat your food in a certain way? ie cut it up into small pieces, etc.

Yes, I always cut it into small pieces.

Do people tell you you look sick or famished?

No, just tired and thin.

Have you ever thrown up blood?

No, never.

Is your heart bpm above 49?

It’s about 60 or so.

Do you have fainting spells from lack of eating?

No, but I was close several times.

Other Stuff Do you think the media is at fault for the prevalence of eating disorders?

Maybe, but it’s not my case.

What’s your opinion of Pro-Ana?

It’s evil. It’s disgusting. I definitely don’t support it.

Do you have any other mental disorders? ie Bipolar, BDD, etc.

Yes, generalised anxiety disorder and OCD, also on autism spectrum.

What’s your favourite food to eat?

Rice with veggies.

Favourite drink?

Vanilla coke. The only sugar I take.

Do you often wish you didn’t have an ED?

Always.

Do you want to recover?

Yes, but it’s hard.

[glenandbrisketpowellsdogpack]

Inspirational Eating Disorder Recovery Quotes

“Fall down seven times, stand up eight”

“In order to heal you must eat every meal”

“My worst days in recovery are better than the best days in relapse.”  - Kate Le Page

“It doesn’t matter how slowly you go, so long as you dont stop”

“I’m not telling you it will be easy, I am telling you it is worth it”

“a journey of 1000 miles begins with a first step”

“Being strong isn’t being able to starve yourself for three weeks. Being strong is being able to get out of your eating disorder and becoming healthy, even when the voice in your head won’t let you. Ignoring this voice, ana or mia or both, IS being the strongest, so don’t ever give up”

“I am beginning to measure myself in strength, not pounds. Sometimes in smiles.”  - Wintergirls

“Strive for progress, not perfection”

��Today I will do my best. If I have a good day, I will be proud of myself. If I have a bad day, I will not dwell on it, I will forgive myself, I will put it behind me and I will continue to move forward in my recovery”

Stop comparing yourself to others. You’re your own person.

I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy, I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.

You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

Determination will get you through this.

Fairytales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

Destroy what destroys you

Hate is easy. Love takes courage.

Perhaps strength doesn’t reside in never having been broken, but in the courage required to grow strong in the broken places.

You are beautiful. And nobody has the right to make you feel like you’re not.

Forget what hurt you in the past. But never forget what it taught you.

It will all turn out fine in the end. If it’s not fine, it’s not the end.

When the world says ‘give up’, hope says ‘try one more time’.

Keep your face in the sunshine and you will never see the shadow.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

Sometimes it takes a good fall to really know where you stand.

Faith is taking the first step, even if you don’t see the whole staircase.

The past can hurt, but the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.

The past is a good place to visit, but certainly not a good place to stay.

While we cannot direct the wind, we can adjust the sails.

You are always living the life you create. If it does not feel right, create something better.

Blue skies are coming.

If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a hello.

You are braver than you think you are and you will be free.

Maybe it’s not about trying to fix something that’s broken. Maybe it’s about starting over to create something new.

Every day might not be a good day but there is good in every day.

Everything is going to be alright. Maybe not today, but eventually.

Good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

If you want to fly, you have to give up the crap that weighs you down.

The minute you think of giving up, remember the reason why you held on for so long.

It doesn’t matter how long it takes, all that matters is getting there.

To believe a thing is impossible is to make it so.

Inner beauty never needs makeup.

Live life like the lion and be as brave as you can be.

We’re all in the gutters, but some of us are looking at the stars.

You can never cross the ocean unless you first lose sight of the shore.

You are loved. You are lovely and you are loved. End of story

Even if you fall on your face, you’re still moving forward.

The only thing harder than letting go is moving on.

There is no failure except in no longer trying.

No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow.

At any given moment you have the power to say, this is not how the story is going to end.

Once you realise your past is just a story, it has no power over you.

If you want to sing out, sing out.

There comes a time when you have to stop beating yourself up over the mistakes that you’ve made.

To anyone who told you you are not good enough, they are no better.

Sometimes you need to step outside, get some air, and remind yourself of who you are and where you want to be.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That’s why they call it a present.

Turn the page and leave the past behind.

Who knows where this path will take us, but let’s promise never to give up because it may lead us somewhere vast and amazing.

You are a victim of the rules you live by.

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and think instead of what could go right.

Turn your wounds into wisdom.

Never forget you are worth more than the value you place on yourself.

You have to be brave with your life so others can be brave with theirs.

It takes more bravery to find out who you are beyond your pain than to merely survive it.

“letting go is not the same as loss of control; it is intentional surrender.”

[sampersandman]

I think Brendon and Tommy both conceptualized Dethklok as past their prime; Brendon repeated a couple of times in that same Reddit AnA that since other shows were about ‘bands trying to make it’, they wanted to make a show about a band that already got success, which is supported by how they’re shown in the show to be too comfortable in their situation and complacent. I’m totally with you on time moving abstractly, though. I think they could have been a band from anywhere between 5 to 12 years by episode 1, but the series only takes place over the course of 3 or 4. It might give us a little better insight on their ages if we consider the perspective Brendon and Tommy may have had; Brendon was 31 and Tommy was 44, whose background was the kid on home movies and a 90s WWE plot writer respectively. Tommy was actually born the same year as Axl Rose (and Peter Steele, tho Brendon says that he wasn’t an influence) and Corpsegrinder is a couple of years older than Brendon, 36 when the show premiered. So I think it’s fair to believe they’re all vaguely in their 30s, excluding Toki. Corpsegrinder was 16 when he got into the scene, 21 for his first studio appearance, 25 joining Cannibal Corpse.

Snakes n’ Barrels have all visibly aged wayy past 31 but you could obviously argue that Pickles was the youngest. I think the age 31 comes from Pickles saying in Dethfam that he hasn’t had to use his inhaler for 15 years- then we’re told in Snake n’ Barrels that he ran away from home headed to LA and was “no more than 16” when he bought his Les Paul. If he took Murderface and moved back in after running away, that means he’d be at least 15 years older than whenever that happened, but the prospect of them being that close that early doesn’t make sense to me because Murderface is from the south so how would he have gotten to Wisconsin lol

I can write off things like that as inconsistencies that can be ignored, like Seth being the older brother in Dethfam and Rehabklok but calling Pickles his older brother in Dethwedding. Or it’s just Murderface lying again because he does that in every interview. My personal headcanon is that Murderface and Offdensen were the package deal.

In respect to his design, Murderface looks like he’s straight out of the 70s, so I think if you showed the band to someone who didn’t know anything about Metalocalypse then they’d guess Murderface as the oldest, but then Nathan/Pickles/Skwisgaar all keep calling him a baby so I start thinking he is one LMAO. It seems more like they’re each supposed represent different eras of different genres, all across metal history.

I think between Dethfashion and Tributeklok, Toki is shown to be the only one still in his prime, between Tributeklok and Dethcamp, Toki seems like he’s kind of stunted as result of being the youngest and never having struggled to make it on his own (as a musician). I definitely think that was part of the appeal to Skwisgaar, as it is to every other character Toki befriends, so I’d say their age difference is enough to be non-threatening competition so Skwis has a little sprout to feed his ego and shape into a sidekick, but not uncomfortably significant. 5 at least, 10 at most. Always more than the age gap between Nathan and Pickles. Mikeal Akerfeld from Opeth said that he got an e-mail from Toki telling him that he was based on him (lol). He was 16 when he joined, 21 on their debut album.

Coincidentally, Varg Vikernes was also 21 when he was convicted for murder, and though I doubt we’ll ever get confirmation (all things considered) I’m sure he’s also a significant influence on Toki’s appearance so imo it’s a safe call to say he’s in his early 20s

I don’t think Pickles’s receding hairline needs any real explanation, because I think poor Townsend was going bald already in his 20s

Which brings me to Magnus, who I believe to be inspired by (Dave Mustaine and) Steve Vai, who ‘discovered’ Devin before they made an album together

so I think I’ll have to make an entirely separate post for my timeline headcanon, and I’ll be as brief as possible here: I think Pickles and Magnus having this same age difference (12 years) is about right, and they were under the same label like this. Pickles follows Axl’s rise to fame, except he’s 4 years younger. So SnB debuted and began touring when Pickles was 19/20, crossing paths with Magus who performed in other bands touring or booked with SnB, until they broke up when he was 23/24. They had both met Nathan on different occasions, independently, because he dropped out of school at 16 to get involved in the scene, working as bodyguard/security for venues in Tallahassee so he could go to shows for free, eventually becoming a roadie, too, which is how he is discovered by Magnus.

Since I’ve been lurking the fanbase again in the 6 months, I haven’t really seen anybody making comparisons between pickles and axl rose outside of just acknowledging that snakes n barrels is a parody name. And I think fanon characterization of snakes n barrels has people misunderstanding canon a little bit, or idk some people don’t know how glam rock is metal-adjacent

Pickles just said he needed heavier music so I think he would have already been singing like THIS fr

I’m also pretty sure the rest of band already knew SnB was great and Pickles was right about them feeling threatened, instead of it not being up to their standards which seems to be the general consciences here. They were getting drunk and pouty before they even heard the new music and in SnB II they were hyping up Pickles’s rockstar stories lol, so personally I headcanon at least Nathan and Charles being a fan of his before they met. SnB might’ve been before Murderface and Toki’s time, and American rock music probably didn’t interest skwisgaar.

also in addition to this edit, I’d like to show all the unaware what Axl Rose looked like the year Metalocalypse premiered LMAO:

[canirove]

Meu Amor | Chapter 1

Summary: "I don't have time for boys, Taylor. Especially not football players. I want to make the most of this opportunity. Who knows the doors it can open for me."

"The ones of Rúben Dias' house are already open" she says with a smirk.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━   

When an unexpected promotion at your job as a journalist for Sky Sports, may end up not only changing your professional life, but also your personal one.

Author's note: I got the inspiration for this story while watching a basketball game and seeing a Spanish journalist who is married to one of the players. She has to work during many of his games, sometimes even having to interview him, and both of them always are super profesional.

The idea of writing it with Rúben is all thanks to my friend Ana (hi 👋🏻), who has been obssesed with him since the end of last season, and sending me photos and videos daily. You can thank her for it 😅

Thank you very much for reading, and I hope you like it! 💜

Next chapter

Masterlist

“Ok, guys. I’ve got good news and bad news. Where should I start?”

“Bad news always first.”

“John had a fall last night while training, injured his knee pretty badly, and will be out for the rest of the year.”

“Oh my God, is he alright?”

“He is in a lot pain, but he is having surgery today. He told me not to worry, that he will be fine. But as much as it sucks, his bad news lead us to the good ones. One of you will be covering for him, and the lucky one is… Taylor!”

“Me? But what about Manu? Shouldn’t he be the one covering for John since he is his assistant?” Taylor asks.

“I was going to tell you once he came back from his holidays, but nevermind. He has accepted an offer to join the Champions League team. It’s less work, and that way he can help at home.”

“So that means that Taylor and I are the new John and Manu?” I ask.

“Exactly. Congratulations girls! Your first game will be the Manchester derby. Hope you enjoy it!”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━    

“Relax, girl. We’ll be ok and totally nail this, trust me” Taylor says, putting a hand on my leg and trying to make it stop moving.

“Oh, I’m not nervous. Well, maybe a bit. What I am the most, is excited” I reply. We are finally doing pitch side work, and I can’t wait.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━    

I finished my journalism degree two years ago. While most people knew the field they wanted to work in, I wasn’t sure, I liked too many things. But one day, after seeing a female journalist covering a football game, I said to myself: maybe I can do that too. I sent a curriculum to Sky Sports, and God knows why and how, they called me back.

I expected to spend most part of my time doing things for others, from getting coffees to ordering files. Just as you see on movies. But to my surprise, they had me join the Premier League team as an assistant.

During my first year, I helped transcribing the notes others took during games, turning them into articles for the website. They were articles about the smaller teams, those only their fans care about, but I was writing and my name was there.

One day, one of the guys I worked with had to cover for someone from the Big 6 team, aka, the most important clubs in the country, the ones everyone watched on tv. It was a Manchester United – Liverpool, and we weren’t watching it from home. We were at the stadium, sharing our spot with journalists from all around the country, seeing it all first hand. And I fell in love with it. This was what I wanted to do. To actually live the games and share that with those at home.

For some reason, Taylor read the article I wrote that day, asked around… And the following week I was working as her assistant and becoming part of the Big 6 team. I wasn’t writing anymore, but just being by her side during meetings and helping wherever I was needed, was enough. An all this was finally paying off, making me go back to Manchester and to the actual pitch side.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━    

“I’m going to the bathroom before we start. Can you make sure everything is ready and that no one ruins our spot?” Taylor says.

“Sure, don’t worry.”

We are at the Etihad, Manchester City’s stadium, the game starting in 20 minutes. The players are already warming up, and Taylor should be doing her live in just a bit. After that, we’ll stay close to the benches, taking notes during the game, reporting back during the halftime, and doing the interviews once the game is over.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━    

“Taylor, where are you?” I mutter, checking my watch for the 10th time since she left. If she doesn’t come back soon, she’ll miss the live.

As I turn back to look at the pitch and make sure that everything is alright, I see a guy just in the middle of our set. Great.

“Excuse me, sir” I say, walking towards him. “This is a tv set, you can’t be here.”

Nothing, he doesn’t move. He is typing on his phone, the world around him gone. I let out a sigh and try to talk to him again, this time closer. He is way taller than I expected, and his back is huge. Like two times mine. No, maybe three.

“Sir. Sir, this is a tv set, you must move” I say, raising my voice. But nothing. “Sir, please” I say again, touching his arm. Even though he is wearing a jacket, I can feel his bicep. And just as his back, it is huge.

“Oh, hi” he says, starting to turn to look at me.

“Hi, sorry” I say, my hand staying on his arm for longer than it should have. “This is a tv set and we should be having a live any minute now. You must move somewhere else.”

“Yes, yes, I’m very sorry” he replies, his eyes fixed on me.

“Ok, thank you” I say, clearing my throat. Why is he looking at me like that? Is there something on my face?

“Mr. Dias, hello!” Taylor says behind me. Finally! “Such a pity that you aren’t able to play today.”

“Yeah, I know. But please, I already told you. Call me Rúben” he says. Do these two know each other?

“Yes, my bad. Sorry. Could we get you for a halftime interview? Are you watching the game from the VIP area or here next to the bench?” Taylor asks him.

“Yes, of course. And I was going to watch it from upstairs, but I’ve changed my mind” he says, looking at me.

“Oh, great. Then if they give us green light, we’ll see you later.”

“Looking forward to it” he smiles.

“Who was that?” I ask Taylor as I watch him leave. Though before he completely disappears among the crowd, I see him turning around to look back at me, giving me another intense look from head to toe, one that makes me blush a bit. Or a lot.

“Rúben Dias.”

“That’s him?”

“Of course that’s him! You are the most thorough person I know, you check every single detail, and you didn’t recognize him? Him? Last season’s best player?”

“You know Manchester City isn’t my cup of tea” I shrug.

“And Chelsea isn’t mine and I still know all their players faces. Anyway, you should start to pay more attention to him. You’ve definitely caught his” Taylor winks.

“Me? What? No!”

“He only had eyes for you! And he looked at you on purpose when he said that he had changed his mind about from where he was going to watch the game.”

“That was just a coincidence.”

“That was not a coincidence and you know it.”

“That… Ugh, Taylor, we are here to work, not to flirt with players. And we have a live in…” I say, checking my watch “2 minutes! C’mon, we need to get ready!

“Fine, fine” she says, rolling her eyes.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━    

“He fancies you.”

“Taylor, please don’t start again. My head hurts” I say, closing my eyes and trying to find a comfortable position on my seat. We still have an hour left until the train makes it to London, and a nap would do me wonders.

“But it is the truth! He is super serious with his job, something he has in common with you. And he always gives his 100% and puts all his focus on it, even if he isn’t playing. But today? Today he couldn’t stop looking to the side, to where you were. And during the game, I also caught him looking at you a few times.”

“He was just probably looking at the pitch, at his teammates.” Though I must say I also looked at him a few times, and he wasn’t paying attention to the game. He was looking at us. At me.

“Seriously, girl. One of the hottest guys on the Premier League only had eyes for you today. You should be ecstatic!”

“I don’t have time for boys, Taylor. Especially not football players. I want to make the most of this opportunity. Who knows the doors it can open for me.”

“The ones of Rúben Dias’ house are already open” smirks.

“I’m serious, Taylor. You’ve been working for longer than a decade. I haven’t. I need this to work out.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. I promise I won’t play matchmaker anymore and will focus on our job. Unless he sends me a dm asking me for your number or something. That’s the only exception.”

“Fine” I say, giving up. “You need to tell me how you two met, tho.”

“We’ll leave that story for another day. Now try to rest, I’ll wake you up when we make it back to London.”

And as I close my eyes and try to sleep, my mind chooses to relive everything that has happened today. Especially the moments that involve him. Rúben Dias.

[pompettepink]

And here we have it. The response that makes her look bad because she corroborates everything I said she did

"My goal in giving these tips has always been to help people stay as safe as possible while dieting." VERY nefariously put!! These people are NOT dieting. They are actively STARVING! Her choice of words was very sneaky and intentional. And she said plain as day that her goal has ALWAYS been to make sure they starve "safely". A task that simply isn't possible when you're choosing hunger. I can tell everyone that I want to make a shade of pink that looks exactly like yellow but if it isn't possible then me stating otherwise isn't impressive.

"I have never told anyone to copy me or be like me" except she plugs in her tele Ed food plan in her bio and links it to anyone who asks so they can follow her personal steps. Also when she was asked by someone suffering with anorexia how they can lose 24 pounds in one month JUST LIKE SHE DID she told them to check out HER "diet" plan that she will link to them.

"To the minors who asked for advice I have publicly said that I don't believe they should go on a diet at all". Yawn. If she can't guarantee that all the anons who she guided into her Ana habits weren't minors I don't wanna hear it.

"Seems like those people have conveniently left those of my posts unaddressed when raging about my account." My entire post was to highlight how DANGEROUS of a person she was. The extremely limited amount of times she told people "actually don't have disordered eating" is NOT enough for me to focus on when she had SO MANY posts basically telling people "actually here's how you can have your disordered eating be just like mine!"

"I also had some cross tags on posts which I removed, and tags like Ed motivation or thinspo". Self explanatory. She wanted to host content that motivated eating disorders and inspired anorexia driven thiness. Moving on.

And finally

"It was never my intention to harm people, let alone being joyous over destroying a strangers body (yeah that's what someone actually wrote about me)". If she didn't like me talking about her feelings she should have never said them tbh. Someone on anon wrote to her saying "a few of your tips really stuck with me!" and she flat out said "I'm happy you found them useful. Best of luck". A person admitted to copying her and she responded with joy! Happiness! Elation! She was glad to hear that someone was following in her footsteps! So foul!!!!!!

And as an added bonus here's what someone else wrote in her notes. Keep in mind that she provided people with an outline on how to harm themselves. Telling people to take vitamins on top of harming themselves isn't the "harm reduction" it's being rebranded as.

Once AGAIN admitting that she was HAPPY when her Ana tips "helped" someone.

I didn't take "offense" to what she said. I was HORRIFIED by it. To be so giddy to hear someone being the same type of Ana she is is really disgusting tbh.

She is NOT the helpful saint you're trying to paint her as @pyraxeval . I've seen what you've been writing in the notes and the only reason that you're saying that she was trying to keep people away from disordered eating and that I was cherry picking is because you liked her and thought she was sweet.

I didn't and she isn't.

A sweet person doesn't map out anorexia for other people to follow along her path.

I really Really REALLY didn't wanna say this, but she was being a

groomer

If you don't agree with that then look at the receipts again. Still don't agree?

Not my problem 🤷🏽‍♀️

myfairydiary has been removed from tumblr, i got an email

THIS IS WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY THAT REPORTING WORKS!!!

It's literally so important and it only takes a minute. This community needs to work together to make it as safe for recovery as possible and it simply cannot be if we don't make an effort.

Thanks to everyone for putting in the work!! ❤️

[extasiswings]

“I felt it shelter to speak to you.” for Buddie

This was...not supposed to be this long but all the recent promo content has been...inspiring. Anyway...on ao3 here.

The first attack happens on a Saturday afternoon.

There’s nothing special about the day, nothing strange. Christopher is at a friend’s birthday party, Buck is off somewhere with Taylor, and Eddie is grocery shopping before he’s meant to meet Ana for an early dinner.

His shoulder aches a little—that’s what he notices first—but that’s not too unusual. It happens sometimes. Even as physical therapy has helped him regain strength and mobility in his arm and shoulder, a high caliber sniper round ripping through his upper chest is no minor injury. Plus, while he’s hardly ancient, he’s not even as young as he was when he was shot the first time, and those bullets left behind their own patches of scar tissue and occasional twinges.

So. His shoulder aches. It’s fine. He ignores it and moves on. Goes through the store, checks out, put his bags in the backseat—

There’s a glare off a window in the apartment building across the street.

Eddie reaches for the handle of his door.

Suddenly, his fingers start tingling, uncomfortable pricks of icy numbness traveling up his hands like they’ve fallen asleep, but shaking them out doesn’t help. And then, without warning, pain lances through his chest, sharp and acute, and he can’t breathe properly, as if his torso has been trapped in a vise that’s slowly tightening more and more.

His vision swims. He sways on his feet, grasping at the door handle with clumsy, numb fingers to keep himself upright.

He feels like—he feels—

He feels like he’s dying. It strikes him with sudden clarity. He’s dying. Dying in a random parking lot—he always assumed he was too young to have a heart attack but the symptoms fit and he’s just—

He can’t. He can’t die. Not when he’s survived everything else. This can’t be—

“Sir?” There’s a woman with a station wagon parked in the space next to his truck and she’s looking at him with no small amount of concern. “Are you okay?”

Eddie’s mouth is so dry and his breathing so irregular that it takes him a moment to respond.

“I—I think I need to go to the hospital,” he grits out as another wave of dizziness threatens to send him to his knees.

She calls 911. Eddie spares a moment to be grateful that the paramedics who show up a few minutes later aren’t from the 118.

As it turns out, he’s not dying. And he didn’t have a heart attack.

“A panic attack?” Eddie’s voice is distant to his own ears as he stares at the ER doctor in disbelief, his stomach flipping with a new kind of dread. “Are you sure?”

“Your symptoms resolved on their own and your EKG is normal, Mr. Diaz,” she replies as she flicks through the screens of his chart on her tablet. “And nothing in your prior history or other recent tests indicates that there’s anything physically wrong with you—you were healthy before you were shot and your recovery has progressed smoothly up to this point.”

She pauses and looks back at him. “Have you...spoken to a therapist? I noticed that your treating physician made a referral for counseling when you were originally discharged, but…”

Eddie clears his throat roughly. “Yeah, no, I, uh...with the PT schedule and everything else going on, I never followed up with that. But I’ve been fine. It never seemed necessary.”

“With all due respect, Mr. Diaz,” the doctor says, “you’re in the emergency room because of an acute stress response in which your brain tricked your body into believing you were in danger to such an extent that you thought you were dying. I’m not sure you’re as fine as you think.”

There’s probably some truth to that. Eddie can admit that much. But that doesn’t mean he needs—he’s been shot before. He’s been in a warzone. He didn’t need therapy to move forward from it then and he shouldn’t now. He can—he can handle this. He can make himself get over it.

He’s already spent months leaning heavily on everyone around him. The thought of not being okay, of asking for more help when he’s finally easing back into working, when things are finally getting back to normal, when they all have their own issues to focus on—

God, it makes him want to throw up.

So...no. He’s okay. Because not being okay isn’t an option.

He’s fine. The panic attack was...a fluke.

“I appreciate the advice,” Eddie says finally. “I’ll think about it.”

He can tell the doctor doesn’t believe him when her lips thin.

“You know, more likely than not, the panic attacks will keep happening if you do nothing,” she points out. “Ignoring this won’t make it go away.”

“I understand,” Eddie replies. “If that’s all, does that mean I can get out of here?”

The doctor sighs. “Sure.”

Eddie’s phone rings while he’s in an Uber on the way back to his truck. It’s Ana.

He swears under his breath as he sees the time—he hadn’t called anyone, hadn’t wanted the hospital to call anyone either, but that means he’s now late for a date that he doesn’t really want to keep after everything and further doesn’t leave him with any good excuses for his absence except the truth which...he doesn’t really want to admit.

Before the shooting, Carla told him to make sure he was following his heart. And he’s been too exhausted and focused on his recovery to really think too hard about that. But now—

For a moment, Eddie considers it. Telling Ana the truth. Showing her some of the dark, messy, ugly pieces of himself. Being vulnerable.

The very idea makes him recoil. Not because he thinks she would run away necessarily, but because he just...can’t.

He can’t. Not with her.

And if he’s that uncomfortable with the idea of letting in someone he’s been dating for over half a year, if he can’t imagine himself ever actually being comfortable with that...then what the hell is he doing?

He calls her back when he gets to his truck.

“Hey—I’m so sorry, I had a little emergency—yeah, everything’s fine now, but I’m not sure I’m up for going out. Can I meet you at your place? ...okay, great. See you soon.”

He may know even less about ending a relationship than he does about dating in general, but he figures he at least owes it to her to end things in person.

*

Eddie goes to work on Monday feeling fine. Great, even. He sleeps well the night before, he gets Christopher off to school on time, traffic is light enough that he gets to the station early—

Everything is fine. By all accounts it should be a good day.

At least, that’s what he thinks right up until all of them get different emergency alerts sent to their phones and they find out the city’s systems have been hacked. From that point forward, everything is chaos. Damage control. Twenty-car pile-ups because stoplights are being messed with, an outbreak of animals from the zoo when the electric locks on their enclosures released—

Eddie’s fine though. He’s fine. It’s nothing he can’t handle—in fact, he’s usually great with chaos. He’s focused and sure and capable. Nothing else matters but the work, certainly not himself. When he’s busy, he has no time to think about anything else.

The gradually worsening tension in his shoulders can be ignored. The way he has to clench his hands into fists to keep them from shaking in a way he hasn’t had to do since his earliest days in Afghanistan can be brushed off. He doesn’t have time to think about anything but the jobs in front of him, which means he doesn’t have time to think about his own state.

Brush it off, pick yourself up, keep moving forward. That’s what he knows, that’s what he can do.

Except, then they end up at the hospital and—

A medevac helicopter falls off the roof. Bobby nearly joins it. Buck and Eddie barely manage to get him back.

A cold sweat breaks out on Eddie’s brow as Bobby leans heavily against the wall next to the roof access door to catch his breath. His stomach roils. He doesn’t feel fully connected to his own body, caught somehow between present and past, a rooftop in Los Angeles and a desert in Afghanistan.

He breathes in. He tamps down on the rising panic.

Bobby is fine. The helicopter pilots and their patient are fine.

He’s fine. He’s fine.

“Are you okay?”

Eddie jumps at the question, his head whipping around to find the source. Buck’s brow furrows as he holds up his hands.

“Sorry,” Buck says quietly. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

Eddie swallows hard and shakes his head. “You’re fine, don’t worry about it.”

He glances toward the door. “You know, I think I’m going to head back down,” he says, hoping Buck won’t notice the fact that he hasn’t answered the original question. “I want to make sure the pilots are holding up alright.”

“I can come—” Buck starts to offer, only for Eddie to cut him off.

“Someone should stay with Bobby,” he replies. He forces a smile as Buck’s eyes search his face. “I’ll be fine.”

Buck glances at Bobby, then back to Eddie before he finally nods.

“Okay,” he says. “But here, take the radio. If anything happens—”

“I’ll let you know.”

Eddie makes it down one flight of stairs before he decides to take the elevator the rest of the way down. The numbers on the top of the doors tick down, down, down—

And then, abruptly, the elevator lurches to a halt, throwing Eddie off balance and into the wall as the lights go out, plunging him into total darkness.

His ears ring from the impact.

He’s trapped. Trapped in a metal box in the dark. A box that could easily become a coffin if the emergency stop failed and sent it careening down to crash at the bottom of the elevator shaft.

Eddie’s breathing speeds up against his will. His chest starts to hurt.

Not again, he thinks vaguely. Not here, not now, not again.

But. He can’t move. He can’t breathe. Some distant part of his mind recognizes that what he’s feeling isn’t real, that he just needs to calm down, but he can’t—

He’s going to die. He’s going to—

The radio crackles in his belt.

“Eddie? Eddie! Can you hear me?”

Eddie’s mind latches onto the sound of Buck’s voice like a lifeline in an ocean of distress. It takes him a moment to make his trembling hands work through their numbness, to remind his fingers how to work the buttons, but eventually, he lifts the radio to his mouth.

“I’m here,” he says. His voice shakes. “I’m in the elevator. It’s—I don’t know which floor. Or if I’m between floors. I don’t—”

He shudders. His eyes close, not that it really matters given how dark the space is already.

“It’s okay,” Buck replies. “It’s okay, Eddie, we’ll find you. We’ll get you out, don’t worry.”

“I don’t want to die here.” It slips out of him before he can pull it back. Buck takes a sharp breath on the other end of the line.

“That’s not going to happen,” Buck says firmly, although his own voice seems less steady than usual. “I would never let that happen. I’ve got your back, remember? Always.”

A shudder rips down Eddie’s spine and he slides against the wall to sit on the floor. The walls still feel too restricting, like they’re closing in on him more each moment that he looks away.

The radio crackles again.

“Eddie. What can I do? What do you need?” Buck asks.

I don’t know. I don’t—I can’t—

“Eddie.” The fear and desperation in Buck’s voice cuts through the fog in Eddie’s mind.

He never wants Buck to sound like that.

“Keep talking?” Eddie replies. “I—just keep talking to me. Please?”

Don’t go, is what he really means. Stay with me.

He’s never allowed himself to say those things though. Not during the early days of the pandemic when they were sharing a bed in Buck’s loft. Not after he moved back home with Christopher and the other side of his bed felt too empty for sleep to come easily. And certainly not after he started dating Ana.

During his recovery, he never had to ask Buck for anything really. Buck was always just...there. Even though he was with Taylor, he was still there with Eddie and with Christopher whenever Eddie needed him. Like he knew somehow. Or maybe as if he needed to be there as much as Eddie needed him there.

Eddie hasn’t looked too closely at any of that. He’s not ready to. It’s too much, too complicated, too—too—

Dangerous.

“What do you want to talk about?”

Eddie swallows hard as his head rests against the wall. As he allows the sound of Buck’s voice to wrap around him like armor. Like home. Insulating him against the panic and isolation.

“Anything,” he says quietly. “Just keep talking.”

And Buck does. He talks about everything and nothing, random facts and stories from his past that Eddie hasn’t heard before, he talks and talks and talks until his voice grows hoarse in Eddie’s ear and the pressure on Eddie’s lungs eases.

Eddie exhales shakily and takes a few deep breaths as he continues to listen, as his body shifts from hyper-awareness and panic to wrung out exhaustion. When Buck finally cuts off, it’s because there’s an ugly screech of metal as the elevator doors are pried open, as light filters back in.

Eddie’s legs are unsteady as he gets to his feet. He trips on the edge of the elevator door when he exits—

Buck catches him before he can fall. Because of course he does.

“Thank you,” Eddie breathes into Buck’s shoulder as he finds his balance.

Buck shakes his head. “I promised we’d get you out, didn’t I? Besides, I—I shouldn’t have let you go alone.”

“I decided—”

“I shouldn’t have let you,” Buck repeats, low but insistent. His eyes meet Eddie’s and Eddie swallows hard.

“You weren’t okay. Were you?” Buck asks. And Eddie—

He wants to lie. Part of him does at least.

But he can’t lie to Buck.

Not to Buck.

“No,” he confesses. It’s half a whisper. “No, I wasn’t.”

Buck bites his lip and nods once.

“Okay,” he says. “We’ll figure it out.”

And somehow, Eddie believes him.

[ktinastrikesback]

Alright, here it is: The meta post about Eddie Diaz and mother figures and how it all leads to Buddie (I think). Thanks to @yramesoruniverse for your help with this, and @kitkatpancakestack and @evanbucklies for inspiring it! I really have been thinking about this nonstop and had to get it all down. This got quite long, so I'll include a cut in order to spare everyone who doesn't want to continue reading!

We first get an idea of Eddie's complicated thoughts surrounding mother figures throughout his whole storyline with Shannon in season 2 when he romantically reconnects with her for Christopher's benefit. I do want to keep the focus here trained on Eddie in season 4, but I want to point out a season 2 line that is pretty fitting. As much as I don't want to use a Shannon quote as a starting point for a meta, I think this one is actually pretty useful: "...Eddie always knows what's best for everyone...God forbid you stop for a second and actually ask them what they need." While it's harsh and spoken out of spite, Shannon does make a point here which becomes relevant at the end of season 4.

We don't know a whole lot about season 4 Eddie (thanks writers) aside from the fact that he's working on being a single father (he tells Marjan in the crossover that he's "doing the whole single dad thing") and being a support system for Buck and the rest of the 118. Eddie's "arc" this season is moving on from Shannon and beginning to date again (a very small and limited arc, which hopefully season 5 will remedy). Of course, because it's Eddie, the core of this arc is him wanting what is best for Christopher. And it seems pretty clear that what Eddie thinks Chris needs is a complete family with a mother figure (note how he asks Bobby if he's "happy now, with Athena and the kids" and just assumes that Bobby is talking about Ana Flores), but the universe pushes against this idea throughout the whole season. There are a lot of examples in season 4 of unreliable mother figures (for example, the alcoholic mother who causes the wreck in Blindsided), but in order to save some space here, I'll list and discuss those in another post. The main thing I want to point out is that we've seen that mother figures aren't always perfect, and they aren't the end all be all that Eddie thinks. And canonically, the show suggests several times throughout the season that the partner that Eddie needs/wants and who is best for Chris is actually Buck.

In Breaking Point, while Eddie is on his date, it's Buck who is at home taking care of Christopher and getting him through his nighttime routine (which establishes that he knows the routine and has gotten Chris ready for bed before, hence the reference to his "cautionary tale"). On the date, when Ana says that no one has been in his life since Shannon passed away, Eddie noticeably looks uncomfortable (the will reveal makes this scene and that particular comment and Eddie's subsequent reaction so rich. Eddie knows that what Ana is saying is completely untrue, because the person he trusts most with his son is with him at that exact moment). Later, when Eddie tells Christopher about his new 'friend', he says "it's a woman." And...to be honest, what the hell was that? He could have said, "I'm dating someone" or "I have a girlfriend." But he says it like this? And it's weird...right? Christopher is the one who has to say "girlfriend." Also his tone of voice when he says it...it's suspicious to me. Anyways...Eddie talks with Ana about Christopher's reaction and her first instinct is to take a break and wait for Christopher to warm up to the idea so as to not cause him more pain. Meanwhile, Chris is out the door, in an Uber, and on his way to Buck, the person who actually gets Chris to talk about his feelings and who fixes the whole mess. So while Eddie is talking with Ana, Buck is playing a parental role AND promising Chris he isn't going anywhere, completely juxtaposing everything Ana has said and done in this episode (throwback to Fools, anyone?). Just like we see in 4x14, the perfect partner that Eddie is looking for is already putting in the work, no questions asked (and this is all before Buck knows about the will!). Yet Eddie is still trying to force it with Ana.

We see this again very briefly in Parenthood. Eddie and Buck are seen agreeing on parenting ideals on a call, similar to how we saw them work together in Future Tense to talk Chris out of playing video games. At the end of the episode however, when Chris asks to join the movie, Ana just jumps ahead and lets him in, not consulting with Eddie. Of course, this isn't a serious issue and Eddie is happy to have Chris join them, but it still carries on with juxtaposing Ana with Buck. It's also a bit interesting that Chris sits between them, parallel to the video game scene from season 3. But again, it's a very brief scene, so I don't know how much value it has overall.

We see all of this come to a head in 4x13 when Eddie becomes invested in the single mother and her son from the balcony call. Interestingly, this call happens after Eddie's conversation with Carla ("make sure you're following your heart"). On the call, Eddie flirts with the mom. This is interesting because we've seen many times in the past that Eddie...doesn't like flirting, especially on the job. Eddie openly flirting with the mom here may be his way of fighting against what his instincts are telling him Carla's comment was about (him liking Buck/a man). Eddie quickly becomes invested in Charlie (the son) and takes a liking to his mother because he relates to her. You can kind of see the gears working in Eddie's head when he's at their apartment...he's admiring her and perhaps maybe fantasizing about having a partner who gets it. And he sees a mother taking care of her son...reinforcing his love for the mother figure. But of course, we all learn by the end of the episode that this mother figure is extremely warped and not at all what her child needs.

The best part about this plot is the way it plays into the shooting scene at the end of the episode. Just before he gets shot, we see Eddie in an interesting framing choice (I am genuinely serious when I say that I want to sit down with Brenna Malloy and ask her about her directing choices for this whole scene):

The mother and son are placed into separate ambulances, and Eddie stands between the two vehicles. Visually, Eddie is literally placed between the mother figure and the son, and Buck is standing in front of him (at a slight distance). As (thank you to @kitkatpancakestack for pointing this out!) the ambulance with the mother drives away, Eddie says "shoulda gotten here sooner" to Buck (who replies, "That kid is just lucky he met you." He knows how to reassure Eddie and recognizes what is good for the child). Then of course, Eddie gets shot. But let's focus instead on why this framing before the shooting is important: the universe does scream, and it sure as hell was screaming at Eddie this whole episode. Carla calls him out for not following his heart, he idolizes this mother only for her to end up being horrid, then he gets shot with his partner standing right in front of him (you know, the same person who takes care of his son for the entirety of the next episode).

This can be read so plainly: Eddie has been fighting hard for what he thinks is best for his son, and he's stuck in this relationship with Ana because he thinks she is what will make Christopher happy. Meanwhile, Buck is in front of him and has been there the entire time putting in the work with Chris and making him feel heard, loved, and important. This ties right back to that Shannon line: if Eddie had simply asked Christopher what he needs/wants, it's very possible that his answer would be "Buck." Eddie doesn't need to be stuck in the middle of this relationship he doesn't care about because Chris' happiness is not dependent on having a mother figure.

Of course, we didn't see very much of Eddie in 4x14 so we don't really know what is going through his head regarding the shooting or Carla's comment just yet, but I'm hoping we see a lot of him working through all of the events that took place in 4x13/14 throughout next season. Because of the way the mother/son storyline ended up and the way they framed Eddie in the shooting scene, I'm willing to bet that he's going to be reevaluating just what Christopher needs and what he already has (with his Buck).

(Also side note--the welcome home party scene...when Buck is watching Eddie greet Christopher, notice the framing there too. The photo of Chris and Shannon is on the right side of the frame, Eddie and Chris in the middle, and Buck to the left. You already know what I'm going to say, so I'll leave it at that...)

Anyways. Edmundo Diaz is confused about what he and Christopher need, and it's actually a brilliant way to dive into a storyline about his sexuality and his feelings for Buck. Remember that post-finale interview with Tim where he said Eddie is always concerned with what's best for Christopher? That there will be a lot to explore with Eddie? I take everything Tim says with a grain of salt, but looking at all of this, there's quite a bit here pointing in the direction of pining Eddie. It's not wishful thinking, it's in the text.

I'm literally just applying basic film analysis to these scenes...and everything is adding up to a larger picture. I'm really excited to see what Eddie's arc in season 5 will be because there's so much set in place for it to be really great.