#campaign season

[lichen-thr0pe]

Saddle up, we’re going Maying

[spandexspangles]

Y'all I had the most surreal unsolicited fundraising call today. No, sorry, it was two calls. I'll explain.

I was at work a little after it opened, off the clock, having just finished talking to an acquaintance about a potential partnership event. It is very chill, with just 7 other people near me. My phone rings, I step away for a moment to answer. As one does. Guy starts talking real chummy, sounds like a politico. And the thing is, my work hosts fundraisers for politicos sometimes (including this week!) and so I'm thinking it's someone calling about that for a second, and then he says "will you help us on our mission to make America great again?"

Screeeeeeeeeeech. Surely not.

Me: I'm sorry, who is this?

Dude: oh. [Annoyed pause, followed by cheerful yet menacing robot voice] This is Name, and I'm calling you because we want to thank you for your upcoming donation. I see in the past you've donated $500 to the cause of patriotism-

Me, briefly worried that maybe my bank had been hacked but then remembered I'm poor, so would have definitely noticed $500 leaving my account: Wait, what?

Douche, VERY snippily: Excuse me, I'm speaking.

Me: WHAT. [Laugh] Did you just chastise me for interrupting your pitch begging me for money, for the FUCKING Republican party??

*At this point, it's worth mentioning that I work in a queer bar. So seven heads whiplash in my direction upon hearing these words*

Broheim: It's incredibly rude to swear! 😠😠

Me, just barely not laughing: I don't give a good flying fuck what you think is rude, I hope you die. Go fuck yourself.

Butthurt: garbled noises that I didn't quite catch because I hung up on him.

So, funny enough, right? I walk back to everyone, but not 20 seconds later, my phone RINGS AGAIN. SAME! NUMBER! Everyone yells at me to answer it. I oblige.

Me, using my aggressively chipper/ditzy voice that I will use for the entirety of this convo: ✨️Hello? ✨️

Gross dude: So we maybe got disconnected before, I'm sure you just drove through a tunnel.

Me: Oh! Nope! I hung up on you. 🥰 [Puts phone on speaker, in accordance with the frantic handwaving of my coworkers]

Determined guy: Well you said some very rude things to me. And I do apologize for saying you should go put in a tampon. But in my defense you'd wished me dead, so that's fair.

*Everyone including me just drops their fucking jaw. Apparently, that's what the garbled noises were as I was hanging up on him. I don't think I've heard that used as an insult in real life since like, the 90s? Deep cut.*

Me, maliciously and immediately determined to fuck with him even more: Oh, I didn't mean YOU! 😇 ...I meant your entire political party. But I could see how you'd misunderstand. I'll be super duper glad when y'all just fade away. 💖

Fundraising oaf: so I'm calling today to encourage you, as a patriot, to keep Kamiiiila Harris out of the White House-

Me: oof, that's embarrassing. She's the Vice-President and you don't know how to pronounce her name? Come on, sugar pie, that's just silly.

Broseph: I know how to say her name! 😡

Me: Hey so I wanted to ask- is this like, an effective fundraising technique for you? Like you call someone, scold them, say shitty misogynistic things to them, get hung up on, call BACK, be rude some more, and then, what, they give you money? Like how many donations have you got doing that?

Slimeboi: We believe it's important to be our authentic selves! 🤡

Me: ...so none then.

Guy who is starting to regret his choices: ...This election is the most important one ever! The Democrats have done a terrible job with-

Me: Oh I agree!

Dumbfuck: Really?

Me: Absolutely! They need to do a way better job at not being spineless and actually get back to proper progressive valu-

Idiot: The criminal Democrats are going to destroy the country! 😤😤😤

Me, speaking over him: You're begging for money for a guy who tried to overthrow the government. And he's a convicted felon!

*I cannot emphasize enough that while I have been quoting more or less verbatim in this recap, the following line is EXACTLY WHAT HE SAID*

Simp: I'd rather vote for a felon with a heart of gold than a-

I desperately wish that I knew what he called Harris just then, but alas, that was the moment wherein I and the people surrounding me lost our collective minds and started howling with laughter.

Between gasping for air, I told him to have the day he deserved, and hung up on him. We waited to see if he would call a third time. Alas, no. I am so, SO glad this happened in front of people, because I would have assumed that I'd hallucinated it. My manager asked if I was going to call and report him. Absolutely no way. I want that guy doing all their fundraising calls.

[heartinateapot]

Spending my work hours at the spa working from my phone feels like such a life upgrade

[angelofdumpsterfires]

how i feel about all the changes in s3

[bacchuschucklefuck]

summer of junior year 06/11

[otterlyart]

How do you want to do this?

[demigoddessqueens]

“I want an arrow straight through her heart and one in her mouth as she screams”

[gwendolynnderolo]

vox machina memes part 1

[marvelousbelladonna]

I would love just a 12-hour video of the behind the scenes of them voicing the episodes together

[creativelycomplex]

The fight between Louis and Armand was one of the best scenes of this entire show. The way they both knew where to hit each other exactly where it hurt. But Armand really clocked Louis with the “my daughter was my sister was my throw pillow when he wouldn’t look at me kindly.” The guilt of what happened with Claudia will forever haunt Louis, the look of utter despair on his face after was insane. Also the way Armand yelled “THE NAME”, I was floored. Their entire dynamic is sickening. They acted their asses off, Assad Zaman is slowly becoming one of my favourite actors of the current generation.

[anonbeadraws]

Pyre: A Burial At Sea is a haunting tale for mature audiences. For centuries, Lily Brooks enjoyed her quiet, but decadent solitude, valuing her freedom above all else. But when the threads of fate begin to tug and an elder god comes calling, will her three hundred years of knowledge be enough to escape a fate millennia in the making? Or will she unleash hell itself to take back her life and her future? Join Lily on an odyssey of self-discovery and a past drenched in sin that can’t wait to catch up with her.

I'm so excited for this project you guys, my first piece that's all my art alongside some amazing writing by @lawfulevilcomics? Check it out and get notified when it comes out this Halloween and I appreciate any support you guys can give, Reblogging, Signal Boosts and if you get the book? Oh, it's some of my best work honestly, we love a bi Succubus queen who definitely did wrong ❤️

[purleth]

“Kiki… I can be that person for you, if you need me to.”

“I need that a lot right now.”

A LOT of blood sweat and tears went into this one.

[ohnohelpitsagain]

so idk if we’re getting a bard’s lament this season, but regardless of if we are or not i NEED to talk about my most favorite dynamic ever so i can get this convo back out into the universe before a bard’s lament happens because it makes me unwell.

vex and scanlan are, in many ways, the same. they’re deeply insecure, sad people that put on masks to hide it. they’re good liars. so that’s what they do. they stand in front of each other and they lie. and it’s not hard for them to know the other is lying. i mean vex LITERALLY SEES THROUGH HIS DISGUISE EVENTUALLY LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING?

and like, vex is snippy and she can be a bit of a shit and she says scanlan is just some guy without his magic. but he’s also the person she looks up to. she literally travels across the whole continent by herself to make sure his daughter can get to him and she sends kaylie back to him even though she’s distraught and terrified and alone. she’s the one person who actually gets through to him during a bard’s lament and she gets through to him by telling him to stop viewing his daughter as a sacred object. to fix his relationship with her. AND HE LISTENS. like again she is the ONLY person in that room who gets through to him and it’s because she implores him to fix his relationship with his daughter after he cruelly remarks that they went to the fey realm to “fix her daddy issues.”

and scanlan! he teases her and he deflects his seriousness around her with humor as much as he does to anyone. but he teaches vex how to use the broom and he gives her the hat to wear. and he ensures her success when he turns her into a dragon and directly tells a god that she’s mean and greedy and the most perfect one of all of them.

scanlan is a father with a fractured relationship with his daughter and vex is a daughter desperate for her father’s approval.

scanlan is not vex’s father. but when scanlan comes back she does everything she can to try and make sure he won’t leave again despite the way he hurt her.

vex is not scanlan’s daughter. but he walks her down the aisle and makes sure she can see her brother at her wedding and he’s happy to be like her father for a day.

scanlan is NOT vex’s father and vex is NOT scanlan’s daughter but really, aren’t they made of the same stuff?

[ekingston]

So it’s 2019, because that’s what it said on the screenshot I used to create the gif, and you’re casually browsing Netflix, grateful to be alive in a world where COVID or an internationally devastating shift in political alliances are but distant echoes of a future that may never come to pass, and you happen upon a movie that’s just been added, called BREACH.

Your Netflix synopsis says: When a man turns up dead on the shore of a remote mountain town and a local girl vanishes without a trace, it’s up to a local detective to put the pieces together. But when she rescues an attractive tourist off the side of the road, the investigation takes an intimate—and dangerous—turn.

And you’re like, ‘eh, nothing I haven’t seen before,’ (though the LGBTQ label is interesting), but then the preview starts autoplaying and IS THAT KATIE MCGRATH?! And it IS. So now you have no choice but to sit through the trailer.

Nocturne by Blanco White is playing, calmly at first, swelling as it goes on. You’re presented with a wide shot of a towering dam, the camera slowly rising up the water-streaked concrete before breaching the top. An enormous lake BOOMS into view, jagged mountains beyond it, forming a serrated edge against the lightening sky. It’s early morning. Mist is rolling down the densely forested mountains and over the water.

(You wonder if this production used the same locations (or rather special effects) as Les Revenants did, and yes, it absolutely did, because I loved the atmosphere of that show and I adore mountain towns with enormous lakes and it is, to date, the most Hollywood version of non-Paris France I’ve ever seen.)

The wide shot narrows to a ground-level closeup of the pebbled shoreline, pulling slowly away from the water until we glimpse a piece of discarded police tape, fluttering on the breeze. The camera pans past a pair of sneakers and then a pair of uncomfortable-looking high heels, wobbling on the rocky beach. It’s a news crew, reporting live on the disappearance of a young girl. The camera pushes past them, staying at ground-level as it leads us into the woods, where we find the paws of a canine unit, splashing in a shallow mountain stream. There’s the sound of police radios, and then we see the boots of a police search party. We stop at a much smaller but otherwise identical pair of leather boots. The camera pans up at our detective—it’s Katie McGrath! Finally!

She looks amazing, obviously. For the sake of this miraculously being a supercorp AU, her character is a fair bit more acerbic version of our girl Lena Luthor, except we’re time traveling so she’s now in her early 40s, her dark hair greying slightly at the temples (let a girl dream), her jawline somehow sharper than ever, freckles proudly on display in the natural light. Her hair is hanging loosely over her shoulders, looking like it hasn’t seen a brush since she last laid down. Lena is wearing slacks, a wrinkled dress shirt and a men’s blazer that is slightly too large for her. She stares off into the woods, chin jutting, a muscle jumping in her jaw, her fingers absently playing with a pack of cigarettes.

CUT TO:

Early nighttime. A dark mountain road, lit sparsely, tall pine trees walling it in on both sides. We see over Lena’s shoulder, her hands on the steering wheel, as her cruiser’s headlights sweep over the shape of a woman, bent over the engine of her stalled car. The woman—blonde, mid-thirties, wearing cut-off jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt far too thin for the late hour—turns when the car appears, squinting into the light. It’s Kara.

Lena comes to a stop behind her and rolls her window down. She calls out, “You need a ride?”

CUT TO:

The dimly lit interior of a spartan living room. Lena dumps blankets on the couch.

Kara asks, “You sure this is okay, me sleeping here?”

CUT TO:

Daytime, and we’re at the sheriff’s office. Lena, wearing a clean-but-barely-ironed dress shirt, drinks coffee as if her life depends on it. Mike Matthews, the sheriff’s deputy, makes fun of Lena’s uncharacteristic hospitality.

“What was I supposed to do?” Lena asks him, as we see a flashback shot of Lena watching Kara over the rim of her coffee cup, earlier that morning. “Next town’s hours away.”

We see Kara maintaining eye contact with Lena for a moment, the corners of her eyes crinkling, as we hear Mike telling Lena, back at the office, “You won’t even let me stay at your place.”

“You had bed bugs,” Lena points out. Then she raises an eyebrow, looking away, adding as a casual sidenote, “Plus she’s prettier than you.”

WLWNESS/SAPPHICTROCITY/LESBIANANIGANS CONFIRMED.

CUT TO:

It’s evening, and we’re in Lena’s kitchen. Kara is making dinner when Lena walks in, feeding scraps to—and this is very important! but only to me—Lena’s dog. Did I mention this is actually also a crossover with Person of Interest, and for absolutely no other reason than I need Lena to have Bear the Brilliant Belgian Malinois? “I see you made a friend,” Lena says. It’s unclear whether she’s talking to Bear or Kara.

The news is on, talking about the missing girl. Lena turns it off before settling into a chair near the open doorway, her legs splayed wide at rest. Bear immediately settles at her side, chin resting on Lena’s thigh. We all kind of want to be a Brilliant Belgian Malinois, in that moment. Kara asks, indicating the TV, “You think she’s still alive?”

“Could be.” Lena digs for her pack of cigarettes and pulls a lighter from a kitchen drawer, probably shoving an old walkman she’s had forever out of the way to get to it, scratching the course hair between Bear’s ears before settling back down. “‘Course if you asked me last week, I may have told you something different.”

Kara turns off the stove so you can all stop worrying, and starts plating the food. “What changed?”

Lena pauses while she lights her cigarette and takes a deep drag, the blue smoke drifting through the doorway outside as Lena savors it, slowly breathing out as gays the world over are forced to reconsider the merits of smoking. Like yes, it kills you in terrifying, excruciating ways, but LOOK AT HER. Lena watches Kara intently, but doesn’t answer her question.

CUT TO:

We see Lena in her bedroom, late at night, flipping through case files. Her fingers (which, EXTREME closeup, EXTREME CLOSEUPS OF HER HANDS THROUGHOUT THIS ENTIRE PRODUCTION, hover over a grainy picture of a young white man, wearing a red baseball cap. His back is turned so we can’t see his face, though if you hated hard enough back in the day you may have a hunch. As the camera circles around the room, Lena is replaced by Kara, the bedroom now bathed in golden morning light. She’s looking through the photos too, her fingers shaking. We see her react to the photograph of the ballcapped man, before quickly putting things back exactly as they were.

CUT TO:

An evening shot of the lake, the water wrinkling in the breeze, softly lapping at the shore. We hear the sound of something large hitting the water.

CUT TO:

A pee break, actually, and you’re gonna go ahead and grab a snack while you’re up. There sure is a lot of water in this movie. Wait, weren’t you just watching a trailer? Why does it feel like an hour has passed? Is it the hands? How many times have you hit that pause button? What year is it?

CUT TO:

Lena and Kara are at the Lake Pub. It’s dimly lit and smoky. Lena drinks whiskey. Across from her, Kara stirs a glass of soda with her pinkie finger. They’re regarding each other so openly you genuinely start to feel a bit faint.

“You’re looking at me like I’m one of your suspects,” Kara says.

You disagree. That’s not what suspicion looks like. You’re sure, because you’ve seen Katie McGrath look at approximately 99.9% of her female costars this way.

Lena keeps her gaze level, unflinching and forward. “I look at everyone like that,” she lies.

A beat.

“I don’t think that’s true,” Kara says.

You’re feeling suddenly thirsty, too.

CUT TO:

Red and blue lights illuminate the deep indigo sky over the lake. A body is being dragged from the water as Lena watches, clenching her stupendous jaw. Seriously, how is she growing hotter all the fucking time if storybook-princess-turned-mesmerizing-murderess was her baseline?

CUT TO:

Lena, sitting in her parked car. She slams her fist against the steering wheel. (Don’t worry, no hands were injured in the making of this film.) It’s overlayed with imagery of a burial service, a US flag draped over the coffin, a pair of grieving women—one middle aged, the other a pretty 20-something brunette, surrounded by officers in dress blues. Lena is there too, looking dashing in her uniform, but also like she hasn’t slept in a week.

CUT TO:

Lena is standing in the center of her living room, rubbing her brow with her long, spatulate fingers. Kara is hovering in a corner a couple of feet away, cautious. “Just say it,” she whispers. “You think I killed him.”

Lena releases a breath that is half-huff, half-groan. “I’m not sure it even matters anymore,” she says.

“How can you say that?” Kara asks. When Lena doesn’t answer her, Kara steps closer and touches her arm. Lena turns as if she’s going to shrug Kara off, and the instant you begin to wonder what the hell this movie is supposed to be about, you stop caring because Lena abruptly pulls Kara closer and they kiss, urgent and rough.

You’re not sure if your ears are ringing or if the sound you’re hearing is a chorus of lesbians all over the world exploding into cheers & wild applause.

As the music builds to a crescendo, we see a quick series of images:

Lena presses Kara against her bedroom wall, Lena’s lips at her jaw, her fingers undoing the button of Kara’s jeans before they slip inside her pants; your life flashes before your eyes; Lena points her gun at someone, but we don’t see who; Lena’s fingers support Kara’s chin as she gently dabs at her bloodied brow with a piece of gauze; headlights illuminate a figure in the road, mirroring Lena picking up Kara, but this time the smiling man in the red baseball cap (again seen only from the back) is the one pulling over & rolling down his window.

The dam’s floodgates open, a roar of white water pouring through.

The music stops abruptly as we end on a final, long shot. Lena stands on top of the dam, looking down, the sky above her, the dizzying depths below. The camera falls away, down down down, until it breaches the surface of the water and sinks into the dark water beneath.

Kara (voiceover, pleading, breathless): “If I go under, I’ll pull you down with me.”

Lena (voiceover, raw but full of conviction): “I’m a pretty good swimmer. And I have a feeling you are, too.”

CUT TO BLACK.

You blow out a breath and resign yourself to your fate. You hit the mute button, and press play.

Also I was proud of how this one manip turned out so I’m sharing the version that makes it marginally more clear that Kara isn’t randomly & uncomfortably touching her own face:

Like I said: SO MANY CLOSEUPS.

[gros-chat-fait]

Fire Keepers --- Since this is the third one I've made for this cross-campaign theme, I guess it's officially a series. Commence the links! Blue Healers | Wind Walkers

[demigoddessqueens]

Love my girls!!!