#cameron literally the only actor that manage to make me to give a fuck about the joker

[sauronism]

i fear only cameron monaghan understood the joker, and no actors can reach that level of depth and understanding the same way he did. jeremiah and jerome got that dimension that other joker doesn't. both of them are tragic, but also a genuine threat to gotham. he's not just 1 dimensional edgy guy in a face paint ( which most actors seems to adapt in their personal interpretation ). he give you a reason to focus on his character other than being batman's nemesis.

[ivyaugustetc]

the dead poets at hogwarts: a headcanon from hell

@aedan-mills @charlie-dalton-simp @pretentious-strikes YOU ENCOURAGED THIS BEHAVIOR SO YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES. also i love you a lot but THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT.

also @aedan-mills i found out that some of the wand stuff is related to their birthdays and i am much too lazy to look all that up and figure it all out, but anyone else is welcome to lmao. sorry to disappoint but alas it's summer and i don't want to research that much. but other than that, please listen to me flex my extensive knowledge on harry potter :)

neil (half blood): i'm sorry,,,, can you say gryffindor? this boy would get up there and in a second the sorting hat would have him all figured out: big dreams with the will to pursue them, but not ambitious enough to step over others to achieve said dreams? sounds like a gryffindor to me. i just know he'd thrive at hogwarts, probably going on to play quidditch (def a chaser) and would excel in charms class. as far as pets go, i feel like he'd stay simple and classy with a chill barn owl he'd name after a famous broadway actor. he would kind of be a mix of james and remus, in which he's wild and crazy but still manages to get good grades. the teachers love him simply because they don't know much about him outside of class. he would absolutely LOVE going to hogsmeade and going batshit crazy at zonko's and honeydukes. he'd have a whole phase where he gets addicted to licorice wands and everyone else thinks they're disgusting but he simply cannot buy enough of them. he'd play a bunch of zonko tricks on the rest of the poets, saving the most harsh for charlie and the most wholesome for todd <3

todd (muggle born): ugh see i can see him being both a hufflepuff and a ravenclaw, but my heart says hufflepuff so i'm gonna go with that. he would absolutely HATE the sorting ceremony with a burning passion. getting up in front of everybody only to have a hat judge u??? no thanks. HAHAHA CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM ON A BROOM. i can't either because he would simply never get on one, probably referring to them as "flying death traps" more often than not. "hey todd, you think about joining quidditch?" "no thanks, i'd rather keep my limbs intact ;)". but he would love muggle studies a lot, even if the teacher was boring as hell. snape would scare the hell out of him for sure, resulting in his lowest class being potions. he would excel in classes that are more learning out of the book rather than in practice. for a pet, he'd want something that could not possibly turn on him and would just be sweet and loving, so ima give him a toad :) he'd name it something fancy and british, like nigel or sumn. and because of nigel, he'd love chocolate frogs because hey they're twins!!

fanon knox (pure blood): hogwarts fuck boy. okay well maybe not f boy but like...his favorite part is the fact that this is a co-ed school rather than an all-boys school so he can spy on both genders equally yknow. hmm i get hufflepuff vibes from him because he's a big romantic, sucker for cute relationships, etc. he would enjoy whichever class his current crush is in, although I feel like he'd do well with classes that involved spells and wand work mostly lmao. he'd want a really fucking cute pet, so i'd give him a kneazle (it's like a cat but a bit more lion like). he'd give it a strong sounding name, something german idk. but he'd love the shit out of that kneazle, i can tell you that much. i feel like he'd try out for quidditch his first few years, not make it on, and then make it on to the team around fourth year and somehow end up team captain in seventh (and that proves kids, that you too can have a redemption arc in sports). as far as candy goes, ima say he likes the super sour candy like acid pops n shit. like i feel like the others would dare him to each as much sour candy as he can and then he wouldn't be able to taste for a week. but he'd think it was worth it :)

cameron (muggle born): good god this boy just wants to learn. magic just fascinates him, what with growing up in a big muggle family (bestie he is the weasleys if they were all type a). he's a ravenclaw, no questions asked. he would love classes involving preciseness and attention, things like potions and transfiguration. i feel like he'd have a cute, stable relationship along the way ofc because he deserves so much love and happiness and UGH he's a baby. he'd stick with a lil ginger cat, naming it after one of the famous wizards he's read about. he would love spending christmas at the school and going places when the ground are nearly empty, enjoying the scenery. for candy, he'd go plain and simple with chocolate frogs. can't go wrong with those. he'd still have fun with his friends, but he'd skip a lot of parties for some studying (don't judge, i do it too lmao). would not play quidditch but would enjoy it, end of story.

charlie (pure blood): slytherin. don't dispute it. think the weasley twins but even more flirtatious. he would be a regular at every single party that happened, flirting with the guys and gals shamelessly and drinking butterbeer like it was water. look me in the eye and tell me he would not absolutely fucking HATE GILDEROY LOCKHART WITH EVER FIBER OF HIS BEING. he'd do spot-on impersonations of him though. teacher's worst enemy. like when he walks into class on the first day, every teacher collectively mutters "bloody hell not this kid again". asks the most incredibly stupid questions ("okay but is there a spell to turn my eyebrows green? just the eyebrows though, not my hair"). he would be the most aggressive beater on the slytherin team, though he would never deliberately try to hit someone, just distract the shit out of them ("put the fear of god in them and fate will do the rest"). he'd want a loud, aggressive pet but he'd probably end up with a mean cat that hisses at everyone. he'd give it the most adorable name that just. does not fit the personality. something like priscilla. for candy, he'd take his chance with bertie botts' every flavour beans and just roll with the punches. he's chaotic like that.

pitts (half blood): ASTRONOMY IS HIS JAM. he fucking loves that class. he tutors the entire ravenclaw house in that class. he's the guy that little first years who are terrified of the class go to when they're completely lost and don't understand what's going on. besides that, i feel like he'd just be everyone's cool older brother yknow? like he'd be in charge of helping all the first years figure out where stuff is and giving them advice to help them and stuff. he would be a die-hard quidditch fan although he would not play the sport (maybe recreationally on the weekends and holidays and stuff, but the fact that it's so fucking dangerous just does not appeal to him). he'd like the candy that does tricks and stuff, like fizzing whizbees and stuff. he gives me charlie weasley vibes, where he's hardcore in certain areas (in his case, astronomy) and just flipping chill in anything else. cool older brother vibes, man. it fits.

meeks (half blood): i've said it once and i'll say it again: nonproblematic ginger dumbledore. also a hufflepuff <3 this dude just wants to fucking coast along, getting good grades and not participating in the dumb shit that could probably get him killed (even though he would in a heartbeat if his friends were in danger. duh). he'd be a teacher's favorite, probably having conversations with his favorite teachers during free time. okay ik this isn't technically at school, but i swear to god he would be dumbledore one day. like he would be the chill ass headmaster who gets shit done while also being very la di da life is nice flowers are pretty type of person. that being said, his favorite candy is and has been lemon drops ever since dumbledore got him addicted to them. his favorite classes would be potions (he'd surprisingly get along well with snape) and he'd just be great and mixing shit right and just knowing how much of stuff to add in ("how much powdered root do i add?" "about three and a half shakes." "that's not a measurement, meeks." "*shrug* it works"). he'd stick with his small friend group and love them to death, but he'd be a friend to all really. he'll help anyone that comes to him asking for help with homework (and though he won't admit it, he gets super prideful when it's someone a few years ahead of him).

stick (muggle born): harry potter if harry potter could've been more harry potter. like he would just be a part of everything and end up being part of some prophecy that demands he'd save the world and at first he'd be like HEY i'm just a small boy but then he'd grit his teeth and finesse the shit out of this preventing the end of days stuff. he'd definitely be a gryffindor, and fucking proud of it. he'd be the seeker on the quidditch team because he is so short and small and yeah he'd fucking kill it there. he'd kind of be the shy one no one expected much from, but once he starts absolutely wrecking the shit out of the other houses' quidditch teams, he'd become sorta popular? like people would invite him to parties and stuff and he's too nice to say no, but he'd mostly just hang around the outskirts, saying hi to the other poets if he saw them and mostly talking to chris and ginny (danburry, not weasley). he'd like defense against the dark arts and minerva mcgongiall would become his literal mother i can't explain it. he'd have an owl as a pet and treat it like it was his own child, telling it thank you every time it brought his mail or took his mail. as for candy, he'd like drooble's bubble gum because the bubbles are all magic and shit and i just feel like that would make him so happy <3

chris (pure blood): the older sister lesbian <3 she'd be a sweet hufflepuff who would be friends with everyone while also being the greatest socialite the school has ever seen. you know that party that practically the entire school attended and talked about for months on end? she planned that shit. she'd be like pitts in the respect that she'd help all the first years find their way in the school and in life in general. she's just such a warm and kind person that everyone would love her. she's have a little pink pygmy puff to match ginny's purple one, and she'd give it such a perfect, human name like lila or something. she'd be great at muggle studies and all the teachers would love her. also every one is so invested in her relationship with ginny it's adorable. he favorite candy is acid pops even though they make her eyes water like crazy. she'd make pretty good grades, every once in a while getting one slightly lower than she'd expected, but she always manages to bring them up to her satisfactory level :) she would not play quidditch, but she would go all out to support ginny, even though they're in different houses. that's what i call love, baby.

ginny (half blood): the mom lesbian <3 she's a ravenclaw and also one of the sweetest people in the whole school. while chris helps other with the social aspect, ginny will help anyone in any subject they need help with (she and meeks are a help duo on this). she's quieter and less social than chris, but she's one of the best chasers the ravenclaw quidditch team has ever seen. she'd end up team captain by fifth of sixth year. she'd be like oliver wood in that she is sO invested in the team's success that at sometimes she'll go a bit crazy, but chris is always there to help her put things back into perspective <3. she'd make stellar grades of course, being good friends with all of her teachers. her favorite candy would be the sweetest things like fairy floss. as previously stated, she'd have a purple pygmy puff to match chris's pink one, and she'd also give it an adorable human name like lisa or something. ginny's just sweet to everyone, especially neil and his friends.

I DID IT. IT TOOK FOREVER AND A FEW HAIL MARYS BUT I DID IT. enjoy besties <3 love u all

[fanfeline]

Get your cousin on Cam👏ille 👏 Des👏mou👏lins👏 asap!!!

@oh-and-this so this got FUCKING LONG my sincerest apologies to anyone on mobile I’m…I’m so sorry

it’s hysterical though

so: me, adoring Camille Desmoulins, vs. my cousin, who knows literally nothing about the man or about history in general!

N: Hello~

A: So, ready?

N: Yeah!

A: Alright, there we go.

N: Honestly…he doesn’t look- he’s not the worst you’ve pulled.

A: :) No, he’s not.

N: Like, we’ve definitely had worse. I’m disappointed in you.

A: [mock offended] Oh, okay! Fine!

N: I thought you could do better.

A: Yeah, fine, give me a second-

N: No, wait! I still need to describe this guy!

A: Alright, alright, it’s fine, we can do both major portraits, I can pull out Boze too. Okay, start with this, we can transition later.

N: Okay, so!

A: There’s a zoom function here too, I’m not sure quite how far it will go….

N: So, his nose is a little wonky. He should get a nosejob. Sorry.

A: Okay, this is the eighteenth century.

N: Yeah, just a little, you know, chop chop, go to the doctor-

A: I’m pretty sure this is the era of bloodletting as a valid form of medical treatment.

N: What? Whatever. His hair? Honestly, his hair’s not the worst. Although, you can kinda see these little, like, short pieces on the side of his face? Looks like a little kid, taking his mother’s scissors, chop chop chop.

A: Yeah, I could see that. I’ll be honest, having studied this man, specifically this man? [pause] Yeah.

N: Where are his eyelashes? Can I- can I zoom?

A: You can, I don’t know how far it will oh jesus. [high-quality portrait, it zoomed in a lot and startled me, okay?]

N: Do- do you see that?

A: Short lashes are not uncommon. I don’t know, ask the painter, it’s not like I have any photographs of the man!

N: There are no eyelashes there. There is: eyelid, eye, under-eye-bag. There are no. Eyelashes.

A: [high pitched] Give me details about this man.

N: Also, his eyebrows are not on fleek at all. Kind of just disintegrates. Like, “Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good.” Um, okay, this man, he definitely works as an actor. But like, community theater. He takes improv classes, he lives in Pennsylvania- no, New Jersey. [imitating New Jersey accent] Jersey, honey. [normal] I can’t do the accent.

A: No, you really can’t.

N: He’s got ears, I think. I can see one…part of one.

A: Probably. [look, he never listens anyways]

N: He definitely, like [pause] unicycles to work.

A: [laughing] Okay.

N: But only on Tuesdays. The rest of the days, he bikes. He’s zero-waste, except he has a drug problem, sooooo. He’s also vegan, but only every other day. Oh, and he’s definitely an Internet troll.

A: [laughing harder] That’s the most accurate thing you’ve said yet.

N: His name is like…Cameron.

A: [pause] That was weirdly close.

N: Wait, what’s his name?

A: Camille. His name’s Camille. [note: my voice changed dramatically here and now I’m wondering if my voice always gets that soft, sad and practically reverent when saying his name because if so? that’s fucking pathetic]

N: His name’s Cameron. And he has- does he have any pets? An iguana.

A: What’s the iguana’s name?

N: Jorge [pronounced as in the Spanish]. Spelled J-G-E-O-U-R-G-J-E-U-X.

A: That is roughly the way he does spell names, I will admit, he’s terrible at it.

N: And there it is. He definitely works in a museum part-time, cause community theater doesn’t pay unfortunately. …Is that a rat tail? Oh no, that’s just part of his collar.

A: Yeah, that’s his collar, he wears his hair loose.

N: Okay….I’m just zooming in on random spots.

A: Yeah, no kidding.

N: Look at those LIPS, BABY!!! [dramatic kissing noises] Wait, why is his nose shiny? Oh, shit, the boba, hang on-

[N goes to go make sure the tapioca pearls didn’t melt again]

A: [calling across the kitchen] If you’re done with this one, I’m going to the other portrait, there’s another portrait. Here.

N: …You know what he looks like? A character from Pushing Daisies.

A: Okay, yeah, that’s fair.

[digression about Pushing Daisies]

A: No comment on his hair in this one? It’s very different here.

N: Oh, his hair’s so bad. Wait, is this the same guy?

A: Yeah, same man.

N: Oh god.

[break]

N: We’re recording again!

A: Yay! So, second portrait, this is the man you have nicknamed Cameron.

N: Cameron! Wait, this doesn’t look like Cameron.

A: Same guy, I promise.

N: This is Olga. [Ari starts laughing hysterically] Olga is a woman in her thirties, you wouldn’t guess it, she looks like she’s ninety. She lives on a farm in, like, Norway. Olga churns butter.

A: I swear to God, this is the same human being!

N: No, this is Olga. She churns butter with her brother, Üulga.

A: Oh, right, I keep forgetting he had siblings.

N: Olga is the girl, Üulga is the boy.

A: To be fair, I think he keeps forgetting that he had siblings too.

N: Üulga! Üulgaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. So, Olga. Actually, this more and more starts to look like Üulga. By the way, Üulga is spelled with two “u”s.

A: O-okay, I’ll figure out how to fit that in somewhere.

N: You’re gonna have a fun time typing this up.

A: It’ll be a mess! I love it.

N: Okay, Olga! Olga has a computer from the 1990s, and it only works with a bicycle.

A: You’ve established a connection between this man and bicycles, then.

N: Oh yeah, Cameron! I forgot about that.

A: It’s the SAME HUMAN BEING, I promise you!

N: Does he like bicycles?

A: I have no idea.

N: Olga’s trying to grow in a mustache.

A: [deep breath] Continue.

N: So…okay, moment of silence.

A: [laughing] For my last remaining brain cells?

N: Stop laughing, pay your respects!

A: I have PAID my respects in TEARS.

N: Okay, he kind of looks like that sticker on your laptop.

A: The sticker of Thranduil from the Hobbit movies with a flower crown?

N: …Yes.

A: Okay! Newsflash!

N: Will your followers know who that is?

A: Almost definitely, they’re nerds.

N: Wow, okay. [pause] Olga, precious Olga, I’m gonna end this with a scene? Of Olga, like I did the manchild. What was his name?

A: They were, like, neighbors.

N: They were roommates. Oh my god, they were roommates.

A: If you knocked down the ceiling or the wall or something, I don’t remember exactly where, I’m not good at this. Oh, yeah, these are his letters? This book I’m holding. They’re his letters. Oh, wait, any comment on his facial features, because they’re decidedly different than the last portrait, meaning I have no idea what this guy looks like.

[I can’t transcribe the scene because the file’s being weird, but she was basically voicing/characterizing Olga like The Final Pam from Monster Factory. It was a trip, I assure you. Maybe I’ll manage to get the good file at some point - Ari]

A: Okay, wait, here’s my favorite print, where he’s holding the sword by the blade like an idiot.

N: Yeah, he’s an idiot. This guy is named Christopher Columbus.

A: Don’t you dare compare this man to that rat-ass bastard that is Christopher Columbus.

N: No no no, this is Christopher M. Columbus, he killed Christopher Columbus, stole his name and became the greatest leader of Czechoslovakia that there ever was.

A: What a terrifying thought.

N: Can you zoom in on his hat?

A: No, if we were somewhere else- I actually have this print hanging on my wall?

N: Why.

A: [pause] What do you mean, why?

N: …Nevermind. His hat looks like Mario’s hat. It’s got a facial expression.

A: Where?! Where is there a facial expression??

N: There, see, eye, eye, mouth.

A: Those are leaves, and I don’t see! Oh…no, I do see.

N: I wanted to tell you, dear readers, I’ve loved doing this commentary, I’ll do more in the future, I don’t know when I’ll be back-

A: We’ve got time, we’re doing more recordings after this.

N: Oh. [laughs] Okay bye!

[douxreviews]

Aliens (1986) Review

[This review contains spoilers.]

Aliens is a perfect sequel, if there is such a thing. It's bigger, glossier, a bit longer, and it did an exceptional job building on the original story.

There are a number of parallels to the original. The story begins with Ripley waking up, and ends with the survivors going into cold sleep. The characters are again only known by their last names; even Newt has a very non-little-girl nickname. There's a huge explosion at the end, but the alien still manages to make it aboard the "lifeboat" to wreak more havoc. There's an android on board who ends up in pieces. Best of all, like Ridley Scott did in the original, James Cameron spends an entire hour setting up the story, and successfully pays it all off during the rest of the movie.

There are a number of differences, of course. Instead of "truckers," we have a crew of badass marines. There are many aliens instead of just one. The cast is twice as big and the stakes are higher, too, since there were sixty-some families on the "shake-and-bake" colony.

But we still have Ripley, and she is several levels of awesome. This is the movie where Sigourney Weaver proved to the world that a woman could be an action hero. She was terrific in scene after scene, from her tirade in the conference room at the beginning, to the pulse-pounding Ripley-in-the-loader versus the alien queen battle at the end. I've always loved the way she took over and drove the tank to the rescue, and the sequence in the lift where she loaded up with many, many, many weapons on her way into the queen's lair to rescue Newt. Sigourney Weaver was nominated for best actress for this movie, and she absolutely deserved it.

I also loved Michael Biehn as Hicks. He and Ripley were on the same wavelength throughout the movie. I particularly enjoyed the "nuke the planet" exchange, and the one where he showed her how to use that massive assault rifle. Ripley and Hicks were made for each other. I really wanted Ripley, Hicks and Newt to end up together as a family, maybe with Bishop as the weird uncle who sleeps on the couch. Maybe in Alien fanfic. Is there Alien fanfic?

Paul Reiser gave a wonderfully slimy performance as the Company rep. Very smart, casting a comedian, since this is a character that we expect to be evil, but the fact that it's Reiser makes us think we might be wrong. Bill Paxton is wonderfully annoying as the cowardly Hudson, and I loved that he went out in a blaze of glory. Newt is likable and has courage; she's not a cutesy kid at all, and Carrie Henn certainly had a greater acting range than Jonesy the cat. And I always liked that Bishop turned out to be the opposite of Ash, since we expected him to be just as bad. Especially since he was played by the master of evil, Lance Henriksen.

My favorite supporting actor in this one, though, is Jenette Goldstein, who is a standout as Vasquez. Hard to remember so long ago, but when this movie came out, women didn't serve in combat. Vasquez made a very strong impression on me. And I loved that Gorman redeemed himself by going back for Vasquez. Their scene in the air duct always gets to me.

Unlike most of my favorite movies, I saw Aliens in the theater. It was an unforgettable movie experience, literally edge of your seat. I remember actually feeling mildly nauseous. (That's when you know they got you – when your audience wants to throw up.) Aliens doesn't hold up quite as well as Alien does, in my opinion, but it's still an outstanding movie. I always watch them together. Like I said, pretty much the perfect sequel.

Bits and pieces of androids:

— The action takes place 57 years after the original. The planet got a name, or more accurately, a designation: LV426.

— Alien and Aliens always makes me think of two of my other favorite movies, Terminator and Terminator 2: Judgment Day. It's not surprising, since the two franchises share James Cameron and some of his favorite actors: Michael Biehn, Lance Henriksen, Jenette Goldstein and Bill Paxton.

— Bishop explained that Ash was a Hyperdyne Systems 120-A2 model, and a bit twitchy. (You'd call what Ash did in the original movie "twitchy?") And that the more recently manufactured androids are subject to Asimov's rules. Hyperdyne always makes me think of Cyberdyne.

— There are several shots of Ripley's feet and she's wearing Reeboks. Really fun product placement that didn't detract from the story at all. I usually hate product placement.

— James Horner's music is memorable, and effectively heightens the tension. Like it needed more heightening.

— Dan says that Alien is a cold movie, and Aliens is a hot one. I thought that was an interesting observation.

— While looking up quotes, I discovered that James Remar (Dexter's father) was originally cast to play Dwayne Hicks, and was later replaced by Michael Biehn. I hadn't known that. I can't imagine this movie without Michael Biehn. I absolutely loved him in the first Terminator movie.

— As with Alien, there is an extended version. I prefer the theatrical release. But the extended version gives more weight to Ripley's need to save Newt; Ripley had a daughter.

— For me, the story ends with this movie. I'm not fond of the other sequels. One of our writers has offered to review them, though, and if he does, I'll very much look forward to reading them.

Quotes:

Ripley: "Did IQs drop sharply while I was away?"

Gorman: "Look, we can't have any firing in there. I want you to collect magazines from everybody." Hudson: "Is he fucking crazy?" Frost: "What do you expect us to use, man? Harsh language?"

Ripley: "I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Burke: "Hold on a second. This installation has a substantial dollar value attached to it." Ripley: "They can bill me."

Ripley: "Look. No bad dreams there." Newt: "Ripley, she doesn't have bad dreams because she's just a piece of plastic." Definitely Carrie Henn's best line. And she delivered it beautifully.

Newt: "My mommy always said there were no monsters, no real ones. But there are." Ripley: "Yes, there are, aren't there?" Newt: "Why do they tell little kids that?" Ripley: "Most of the time it's true."

Ripley: "You know, Burke, I don't know which species is worse. You don't see them fucking each other over for a goddamn percentage."

Ripley: "Get away from her, you bitch!" I remember the audience cheering that one.

A worthy sequel to an excellent movie. Four out of four M41A pulse rifles, ten millimeter with over-and-under thirty millimeter pump action grenade launchers,

Billie Doux loves good television and spends way too much time writing about it.

[its-a-queer-thing]

hey! i haven’t send anything in a while so all these feelings are sorta bottled up in my mind and i just needed to share them with you! soo. I got real sick and i’ve to stay home for a few days. Skipping school gave me more time to watch shameless and even though i dont wanna admit it, that’s all i’ve been doing for the past two or three days :“) NICE.

anyways!

i’m on season 5 currently, and shit just got real. real bad, real weird, real messed up! I knew Ian was going to turn out being bipolar, but the first time the mania started to kick in, it fucking terrified me. No seriously, all Ian scenes right after he’d got back from the army were nearly giving me chills. Knowing that "it” was going to happen made me so uncomfortable somehow. Damn, Cameron is a GREAT actor.

for the past two or three seasons, i honestly hated Lip for doing stuff he did to Mandy and so on, but after that, seeing how he truly cares about his family even though he’s terrible at relationships, i kind of still like him. idk.

Steve disappointed me. a lot. His comeback was epic, but i don’t trust him anymore. and i honestly don’t care about whether him and Fiona is going to happen again or not. He’s an asshole. at least for now.

The drama between Vee and Kev scared me a lot because i LOVE them and their beautiful relationship, but i know they’ll find ways to each other. ahh.

anyways, getting to the actual question, this isn’t really related to what i talked about, but whatever. so. who is your favorite female character and why(i hope i havent asked this already omg)?

personally for me, it’s either Mandy, or Svetlana. Or both. Svetlana has had a major development if you ask me, and instead of a dumb hooker, i see her as a different.. strong woman who has been though  A LOT but still managed to be who she is now. Idk, i think she’s hilarious.

thanks for putting up with my long ass lectures hahah <3

I’m so sorry you’ve been ill, love! I hope you’re feeling better now!

Yes! Cameron is so underrated, same as Noel! I pray they both just keep getting more and more jobs because they are both so crazy talented and deserve every single role they want! And Ian was bonechilling in season 4 with how quick he would go from laughing hysterically to super serious, from relatively calm to murderous, just... fuck! And then 4x12 brings me to my knees. Gallavich can’t have one goddamn episode of happiness because even in 5x01, Mickey is so blissed out to have his family dynamic, his boyfriend and wife getting along, he’s got a new scam going that should be relatively easy to keep going, life is good right?! THEN we find out that Ian is cheating on him and rejecting any possibility that he’s like Monica. And it just keeps going from there and fuck my heart just can’t take it! T_T

Yeah, Lip and I have gotten along ONCE and that was in season 3 when he called everyone on their shit for letting the pedophile go just because she was a woman. Because even when he was taking care of Liam, I think he only took care of him to the extent that he did to a. get back at Fiona moreso than he believed she couldn’t and b. to get girls. It’s no coincidence to me that he was being rejected left and right and could only get his third or fourth choice to fuck him and then suddenly he brings Liam to school and BAM. Chick magnet. I think he milked that for all he was worth and no one will ever be able to tell me otherwise. Then in season 5 he acted like he gave a shit about Ian but what exactly did he do to show it? Not much. He criticized Mickey, talked to Mickey once, and talked about how guilty he felt being away from his brother when all he had to do was call him once or make the effort to visit him at the Milkovich house, awkwardness with Mandy be damned. MAKE PLANS! Go out and DO something! Invite him to dinner! FUCK! And finally the way he tries to convince Mandy to stay... He really thinks he’s God’s gift, especially with Mandy who has really low standards, and it’s disgusting. He takes advantage of her low standards to seem like a prince by spouting out sweet shit to her when he knows she’s vulnerable, and thinks that throwing his magic dick in her followed by telling her she deserves better and inviting her to breakfast is going to get her to stay. Fuck Lip. FUCK. Lip.

Steve was character assassination. Get used to it, love. Sadly that’s Shameless’ game. They love to tear their characters down after they’ve left so that the audience will stop asking for him. It never works, but that’s what they do. Granted, Jimmy/Steve was never THAT bad, but they really upped the asshole factor  for season 5 and it was really frustrating that they brought him back literally just to stir things up because they couldn’t get creative and think of a new conflict. Very disappointing, indeed.

As much as I hate the drama between Kev and V, I kind of liked it just because it’s relatively unrealistic to have a couple NOT have issues. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they had their issues, but they were generally resolved in two episodes MAX. So this was interesting because they also really got to the deep rooted problem and started looking a way to get past it, which is SUPER important. I also love that they showed the father getting uber obsessed with his children and the mother just not connecting the way she feels like she should. It’s great because it shows that there isn’t one right way to parent and there isn’t one right way to react to a life change like that. Some mothers don’t instantly latch to their children the way they are told they will and it sets up a lot of disappointment when it doesn’t happen. It was an interesting discourse.

Favorite female character is probably V. She is loyal to a fault and does what she has to do to get by and isn’t ashamed of it. She  loves fiercely and isn’t afraid to take charge and I LOVE that in a woman. And Shanola Hampton? She is H.O.T. HOT! Such a beautiful woman inside and out. <3 She is probably the only female character on this show that hasn’t seriously pissed me off tbh lol.

Svetlana and I have issues. It’s not just that she raped Mickey, but that she knew that what happened between them was nonconsensual but didn’t seem to understand that he wouldn’t want to be around her or see his kid. It may be that she is with that group of people who believe that men can’t be raped or something, but I will never forgive her for jumping to the blackmail game when Ian came back. She could have reasoned with Ian or told Mickey “look, it’s clear you don’t give a shit about the baby, but I’m keeping it and I can’t do it alone. We’re already married so why don’t you just help me with the kid. You don’t have to play husband, just be a father to the kid and help me out financially.” And if he still didn’t come along, just keep working on him and get Ian and Mandy involved! Be resourceful woman! She KNEW what would happen if Terry found out Mickey was still gay and to spite Mickey’s fear would put his life in very real danger just to get her way (and to support her child, I understand, but again... There are different courses of actions that could have been taken). Then there are future things that make me dislike her, but I’ll wait until I know you’re there to discuss them. :)

Much love, dear and I hope you get better soon if you aren’t already! Send me more of your thoughts when they come to you! <3

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Drew Barrymore ‘I don’t pretend to be perfect’

Drew Barrymore is back on our screens, this time as a flesh-eating estate agent. She tells Rebecca Nicholson about the endless ups and downs of her life from child star to teen rebel, and savvy producer to business woman and explains why shell fight to the death to be happy

Drew Barrymore walks into the hotel room in Berlin flanked by assistants, caked in heavy TV make-up and wrapped in a brown fluffy jacket that makes her look like a very glamorous teddy bear. Within seconds, the entourage has disappeared, shes wiped every last scrap of foundation from her face and shes rummaging around underneath her dress, a kind of earth mother hippy smock, regretting her decision to wear tights on this sub-freezing day. Why does anyone wear pantyhose? she exclaims, barefaced, faux-exasperated, shifting in her armchair, trying to get comfortable. Theyre so fucking sadistic! Theyre not even control pants, she says, conspiratorially, but Im forcing them to be.

For a lot of women, especially women who grew up between 1982 and the early 2000s, Barrymore is a particular kind of icon. Shes the accessible rebel we all wanted to be, or be friends with. Shes the child star of ET who hit the skids early and hard, and not only survived, but went on to be one of the most popular (and bankable) female stars of the past three decades. She appeared in, and often produced, the kinds of movies that are vital viewing for teenagers, from the trashy taboo-busting rebellion of Poison Ivy, to the triumphant high school romcom Never Been Kissed, to the moody angst of Donnie Darko. Plus, in her 20s, she seemed to hang out with the best bands, go to all the best parties and always looked like she was having the time of her life. She was the manic pixie dream girl before it became a tacky indie film stereotype. The memoir she wrote in 2015 is, appropriately, called Wildflower.

She looks genuinely pleased that she holds such a place in peoples minds, and decides that if people do like her, If anyone has any goodwill towards me, careful not to sound arrogant, its because she extends goodwill to other people. Not in an annoying way, but just, like, being in peoples fucking corners. Its this combination of soft and sharp, all wrapped up in that valley girl lilt, that has carried her through life. I want people to be happy, but I know happiness has to be fought for. Its a warrior trophy. Its not hippy, she insists. Im like, fight. Fight to the death to be happy, and dont kill anyone along the way.

Little riot grrrl: Drew Barrymore with Steven Spielberg at the age of five on the set of 1982s ET. Photograph: Everett Collection/Rex Features

Were in Germany to talk about Santa Clarita Diet, the new Netflix series which has brought her back into the spotlight again at 41. Its a warm and occasionally gross 10-part comedy about Sheila and Joel, estate agents who have been together since their school days, and whose marriage is tested when the amiable Sheila develops a sudden taste for human flesh.

I stopped working to have my kids and take care of them and raise them, and so I was nervous about working again, she says. I was going through a dark time in my own life. And then I read it and I liked it. Now what am I supposed to do? I cant do this right now, its terrible timing, my whole life is falling apart. She ended up executive producing it as well as starring.

That her life was falling apart out of the spotlight was a new thing for Barrymore, who had played out most of her life in a very public sphere. No ones talking about my life. I mean, yes, I had a divorce, but even that was real quiet. She split up with actor Will Kopelman, the father of her two children, Olive, four, and Frankie, two, at the beginning of 2016, but recently posted an Instagram of him running the New York marathon; she was there, with their daughters, to support him. It was like, Oh, they didnt work out, I wonder why? Oh my God they seem like such good friends, and so amicable, I guess well stop giving a shit. I was so happy about that, she says, breezily.

Warm and occasionally gross: Barrymore in Santa Clarita Diet. Photograph: Erica Parise/Netflix

In the midst of her divorce, Santa Clarita Diet was a transformative experience. Ironically, it wasnt the worst timing. It was great. It was really happy. It was a good summer. My daughters and I got to go out to California and I got three days off a week. Just as becoming a proto-zombie saves Sheila from the numbing boredom of domestic life, Barrymore went through her own kind of rejuvenation. I feel like Sheila. I feel like maybe I was dead inside, she says cheerfully, blowing her nose. I dont know. I was in a place in my life where I had gained a lot of weight, and been in a place of fear and sadness, and I felt stuck. I dont think thats so much unlike the character.

Until she took time away from acting to have kids, Barrymore had never not worked. She began her career at 11 months in an advert for dog food, quickly becoming the main breadwinner for herself and her mother, Jaid, who raised her alone. Her father John Barrymore, of the Barrymore acting dynasty The great line of loonies from which I come, as she puts it wasnt around much. Her extraordinary youth was public and well-documented. Her breakout role in ET, at five years old, was followed by an outlandish few years of childhood boozing and drug-taking, rehab and institutions, and the sense that, at 14, she was washed up and her career was over.

But it wasnt. She moved into an apartment by herself, got a job in a coffee shop, learned how to do her own laundry and, eventually, clawed her way back into the business, defeating the curse of the child actor where so many others have been lost. She has said her 20s were a kind of delayed adolescence. Now, in her 40s, shes had a lifetimes worth of parties and experiences, and says she doesnt miss it at all. I dont feel like Im not at the centre of things. I dont worry about career stuff. I dont worry about who the hottest band is or that Im not at that show that night. I dont care if the latest trend is happening and its just passing me by.

Star quality: Barrymore with Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu in Charlies Angels. Photograph: Image Net

Her idea of a good time these days is taking the girls to Disney World, or setting up movie nights for the kids in my daughters class. I just watched Home Alone and all the moms and I were crying at the end. Oh my God, its so good! I appreciate it now much more than I did when I was younger.

Shes too classy to be drawn into any child actor comparisons it would be patronising, annoying, no thanks, she says, nicely but firmly but we talk more broadly about celebrity scandals. Everyone goes up and goes down. Thats life. Nobody wants all of it looked at and discussed. However, if you do put yourself out there, then you need to be prepared for that to be examined and you have to handle it to the best of your abilities. So for people who are like [she puts on a whiny voice]: Dont look at me you put yourself out there!

Is there any way to avoid being examined and discussed? Not in this day and age. You just try to manage things in the healthiest way you can. And by the way? You wont all the time. Youre gonna fuck up. So fuck up, then pick yourself back up. But just be nice and kind and humble and gracious and have a sense of humour. And dont pretend to be perfect.

Golden girl: winning a Golden Globe for Grey Gardens in 2010. Photograph: NBC/Getty Images

Barrymore dealt with her own initial fuck-ups in an incredible and startling memoir, Little Girl Lost, which she wryly calls, The mea culpa book I wrote when I was 14. She appeared on Oprah with her mother to promote it, to go over what went wrong. You can watch it on YouTube; shes 15 going on 35. Yet the book has a cult following, in part because it makes all the partying she did as a young child sound kind of adventurous. Yeah! Its like an 80s cult tragedy book, which is super cool and wrong and fun all at the same time. Its a little riot grrrl, you know?

Theres a chapter where Barrymore describes being hauled off to an institution at her mothers behest, and shes furious at the starstruck guards. God, youve just yanked me out of my house with cuffs on, I thought, and now youre asking me what it was like to meet ET. What jerks, she writes. Even at 14, she had a disdain for celebrity. Still do, she says, today.

We meet on the afternoon of Trumps inauguration. She plans to watch it later, as shes a total news junkie, but she doesnt particularly want to talk about what she thinks of him. Im not a painter and Im not a musician and I think people dont want to hear it from actors, she says. I read this op-ed in the New York Times that was saying, just do things quietly, in your art.

Slasher: Barrymore in Wes Cravens Scream, 1996. Photograph: Allstar

Barrymore is more about the practical. During her screen break, she wrote Wildflower, which became a New York Times bestseller, and shes built a sizeable business empire, including Barrymore wines, a production company, Flower Films, and beauty brand Flower Cosmetics. All of which channel some of that free-spirit warmth into profits reports suggest shes worth $125m. Theres a line in Santa Clarita Diet where Sheila announces: I sleep two hours a night. I get so much done! It struck me that for Barrymore, spinning so many plates, that might be funny. Actually, she says, it was originally written that Sheila would use her spare time to learn French. Me, in my real life, would spend time learning French. This woman literally has a ticking clock on her mortality. Shed be studying fucking Bruce Lee moves and learning to do shit. The line was changed at Barrymores request: instead of learning a language, Sheila would get the ability to parallel park in one move. Im, like, yes! Thats practical!

Its strange to see Barrymore, who seemed to be an eternal teenager, starring as the mother of a teenager in Santa Clarita Diet, partly because her fame is life-long, and you can see interviews with her at almost every age on YouTube. But, she says, she never watches them, never goes back. Hell no. The only thing I ever think when I see myself when Im younger, if Im on a talk show and Im stuck there having to watch clips, is that I was so much more brassy when I was young. Im like: Where do you get the balls, kid?

She says it as if those balls have disappeared with age. She claims shes much more polite now. Sarcastic, but polite. And worse still, she tries to say shes newly dull. In my life Im just so quiet and boring, she declares, not entirely convincingly. This is Drew Barrymore, after all, who talks with the hunger of someone who will always be on the lookout for something new, whether thats being a mother, a businesswoman, or playing a friendly estate agent who kills and eats bad people. I am pretty boring, she insists. I tell her I dont believe it. She smiles slyly, and leans in. Theres a rebel in her still. Im not sure I believe it either.

Santa Clarita Diet launches on Netflix on 3 February

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from Drew Barrymore ‘I don’t pretend to be perfect’