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popculturebuffet · 3 years ago

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Wallace and Gromit Retrospective: The Wrong Trousers

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to my Wallace and Gromit retrospective, as paid for by fan of the blog and dear friend WeirdKev27.

So now our heroes are back from the moon, we get to our second feature, and what some consider the most iconic, as Wallace puts on The Wrong Trousers!

Trousers is considered by many, creator Nick Park included, to be the best of the Wallace and Gromit works. Me I prefer a Close Shave but we’ll see if that holds when I see it next week. But I can see why this is many people’s faviorites: While Grand Day Out set up a great, simple storytelling engine with a goofy spacey british inventor and his just as intellegent and far more down to earth dog with the most expressive eyebrow in history having adventures, this one takes that concepts and brings it to it’s full potential with tighter pacing, a more concerte and character driven plot, and of course gorgeous animation, as Park went from whatever he could scrape up via grants and calls to british tv legends, to having the full force of Aardman behind him, allowing him to go from expermenting a little bit to really getting in there and showing what he could do. ANd we’ll see what he could do under the cut!

We open as always with the theme over the title, but spiffied up, this time having a proper graphic for the title and the full brass band version of the theme.

We see Gromit’s morning routine as he gets himself some toast, gets ready and fetches the mail. A nice detail I don’t think I noticed as a kid that I love is Gromit will alternate betwween walking on his hind legs and walking on all fours depending on the situation or just him feeling like it. It’s a nice little trait: most funny animal dogs pick one state or the other , maybe doing four legs or two legs for a gag.

Speaking of gags he goes and fetches the mail like a dog would then picks through it like a human would, a nice subtle gag. It turns out it’s gromit’s birthday! I know what song Wallace played to wake him up

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I.. I still don’t know what this is but I loved every second of it. Including the implication that T-Pain gets hammerd with his dog.

So far though all our boy gets is a cheesy card from someone.. I dunno his parents.. his girlfriend? And if it is his girlfriend does she die before he gets another one in “Matter of Loaf of Death” or did he make the dog from that one a literal side bitch. Is it wrong to use the term side bitch in a wallace and gromit review? These are the questions that keep me up at night.

Anyways it’s time for Wallace to get up and for inventing to go from an implied part of his character, to one of the central parts of it. While he did build the rocket in the first film, that was really ALL he built invention wise and part of the gag was this normal, unassuming guy built a fucking rocket shit in a matter of hours. But with this short Wallace goes full absent minded professor and gets a habbit of making one or two weird and wonderful inventions a picture.

This time he has a whole thing for waking up including putting Jam on his toast, as well as dropping him from bed and dressing him. Not only is it endleslly fun to look at, especailly how the jam part of it pitches it at wallace to catch it on his toast, but in the animation. It’s utterly smooth and fluid and I wonder just HOW they pulled it off. While their budget wasn’t SMALL, it wasn’t nearly as big as it was for their future features, meaning they likely had to think this out, do it on a minimum budget and make it look good and did so SPECTACUARLY. There probably won’t be a single part of this retrospective where I don’t gush about the animation and rightfully so.

So Wallace reveals the inciting problem for the short: They got no money. Bills are tight and Wallace spent what he DID on Gromit’s presents. Which honestly shows the man’s heart: he knows Gromit isn’t just his dog: he’s his best friend and he’ll spend every copper he has on the boy.

The gifts though aren’t great. The first two are a collar and leash which, were it not for the third gift, would be understandable: wallace is cash strapped, there’s a leash law in effect as we see with the signs, the doggo needs them even if he dosen’t like them, kind of like when you get socks as a present: you aren’t going to dance about over them, but you do need them and do appricate them.

No the third present drains any sympathy i’d have for our bald hero: The titular “Wrong Trousers”, or Turbo Trousers as Wallace calls them. THeir giant self walking pants designed to give Gromit walkies so Wallace dosen’t have to. You might see how spending god knows how much money on “I’m to lazy to walk my dog who helps me with breakfast, chores and is essentially a person unless otherwise stated without whom i’d be homeless” pants might piss me off just a TAD. It feeds into a bigger problem of the short we’ll get into in a second.

On and the cherry on top is they aren’t really comfortablte.. as in Gromit is dragged along which isn’t exagerated enough to be funny, and paints Wallace as someone who didn’t think “Gee maybe I should test this before I put an actual dog in it”.. which now I type it is Wallace in a nutshell, it’s just a joke that hasn’t aged all that well.

Gromit’s solution has though: Make a fake dog, tie it to the pants and then go down a slide. Good stuff and evidence that Gromit probably would live on his own if he didn’t care about Wallace so much.. and if Dogs could own property in this universe.

Then again as we next see penguins CAN rent lodging as Wallace has found his lodger, Feathers McGraw, a pengy. I do love me a good pengy, as my boy/spirit animal/secretary Opus can attest to right bud.

... Sorry my good man didn’t mean to drag you out of the shower, you can come back later. My point is I love penguins so when I tell you Feathers McGraw is the bastard king of bastardtown, in the duchy of bastards in the continent of bastardvania, I do so with the utmost objectivity and heaviest heart.

Feathers wastes no time making Gromit’s life objectively worse: He takes Gromit’s room, implicitly refusing the dingy undecorated room Wallace had avaliable, though given Wallace walpapers said room for poor Gromit, ti’s clear Wallace would’ve decorated, he merley hadn’t had time and given he’s taking on a tennant out of need instead of “whelp I want to invest and I love human misery let’s control if someone gets to live in a place or not” like most landlords, he’s sympathetic. He dosen’t WANT feathers to take Gromit’s room but he’s forced to do so because otherwise he might be out a house.

And to Wallace’s credit, and in one of his few olive branches toward his Doggo in this one, Wallce helps gromit wallpaper the room, and as it turns out the trousers can walk walls, making it easier. Feathers notices this and is intrigued.

Feathers then takes the campaign of pushing Gromit out from latent to blatant: he blasts obnoxious polka music all night, focing Gromit to sleep outside, and then beats gromit to doing all this duites.

And it’s here where I get back to that problem with the film: Wallace’s characterizatoin. Wallace ends up accidnetly being an insentive ass, welcoming feathers help without realizing how much i’ts hurting Gromit to the point that GROMIT MOVES OUT, IN TEARS, CLEARLY SADDENED AND FEELING NO LONGER NEEDED. This COULD work mind you: Wallace forced to realize he hurt his dog or Wallace apologizing later.. but the issue is while Wallace does get a compuance of sorts.. he learns nothing from this. And I get he’s a goofy comedy character and all but you can’t put such high emotional stakes as Gromit leaving out of misery due to a manical penguin and then just say “Whelp things are fine in the end so who cares of Wallace neglected the shit out of his dog and let a lodger ruin the dogs life without noticing”. It’s deeply unsatisfyng to set up emotinal stakes and not pay them off. And again this is a goofy comedy.. but even goofy comedies do that.

To illustrate an example, i’m going to use an episode of the simpsons. Yes shocking I know. But the episode “Secrets of a Succesful Marriage” sets up a belivible and emotional conflict: Homer feels he’s dumb, so Marge suggests he take a course at the local learning annex, where he passes many being taught, from eating an orange to of course, that ultra memetic and timeless bit with Moe you all now know the context to:

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As you probably guessed, Homer ends up deciding to teach his own class instead on , as the title says, marriage. It goes as well as you’d expect until homer starts saying personal secrets about him and Marge to her understandable outrage and when he not only won’t stop telling secrets (though in part because he’s utterly terrible at making up fake names and hiding their love life), but one comes out when he drags his class to observe dinner with them.

So this goes from wacky.. to sad quick as Homer is thrown out and quickly deteroiates. So while Homer is genuinely distraught and needs help.. it’s also ballanced with this bit, one of my all time faviorites.

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It both show how much he’s fallen apart, but ti’s genuinely insanely funny. We also get great bits like Homer hiding in Marge’s car to tell her to forgive him, it’s funnier in context, and Moe trying to hit on marge in his own awkward and half assed way.

The conclusion though is genuinely sweet: homer offers her dependdenace.. and while marge points out tha’ts not a GODO thing he makes it into something sweet: he NEEDS her more than anyone else possibly could and will never take advantage of that again, now realizing just HOW Much he needs her and misses her emotoinally and not just to keep him from making more plant wives. It’s funny i’ts touching and it dosen’t make a dog sad.

My point is the simpsons found humor in it while still showing the bad parts with the kids geninely worried and grappling with Homer’s new house lifestyle. It’s good stuff I recommend the episode. Season 5 finale, on disney plus.

My point is there’s no real emotinal arc, so I question why make gromit run away and make him so miserable with Wallace if wallace dosen’t LEARN from it or actualyl grow as a person, even in a hialrous way. It just makes the charater needlessly emotionally tone deaf. It’s why having an idiot lead is a tough ballance: you have to have just the RIGHT amount of oblivious or they become unlikeable. If they stop having EMPAHTY entirely due to their stupidity, they why should we care about them back? If they treat actual stakes like nothing happened, why do I care? In a lessser work this would make it unberable here i’ts annoying.. but it does pick up once Gromit leaves the house.. and we get a meancing shot of Fingers rubbing his flipers all vllian like.

So Feathers gets to work.. and gets to work, and the next morning we see his plan in action: putting the Robo Pants in place of Wallace’s trousers, hence the title the wrong trousers, with Wallace impotently screaming for Gromit.. whose in a trash can. Gromit does save his ex-owner because he’s a good boy that one, but notices something is up when he spots a wanted poster. Turns out feathers is a jewel thief and has been using a glove on his head to commit crimes as a rooster.

So Gromit spies on him and we see more of the scope as feathers cases it, the sheer DETAIL put into the building, along with the streets for the earlier pants scene. While granted they DID get two pants walking scenes out of the sets, it’s still a hell of a lot of work and a lot of craft went into it. But this building is a whole nother beast, a brick building that LOOKS real, is beautifullyc rafted and has a whole ally with it. Not only that we see gromit CARVE a box from the inside, likely carving the actual clay used for it piece by piece to make eye holes Stuff like this is why I marvel at this short’s animation: little things you don’t really think about as a kid but as an adult marvel at them pullign something this intricate, time consuming and delicate off. Sure they COULD make another box.. but using another box would mean redoing every frame and likely a day’s worth of shooting. One small nick in the plasticine and they have to start over completely. Just holy shit the skil lhere.

Gromit barely avoids detection but tails our villian. That night Feathers unleashes his grand plan: he uses a sleeping wallace, putting the trousers on him to heist a diamond, a fun sequence including feathers having to grapple with Wallace moving so he dosen’t wake. Eventaully once he gets the diamond he does, though Feathers put it on a hat and sucessfully gets Wallace home. Gromit catches on though and follows them.

At home Feathers backs wallace into a large cabinet and Wallace’s complaning the entire time, and not realizing it was feathers till he took the hat off is just genius. I have issues with his character here, i’ve gone into them enough.. but Sallis makes it oh so easy to forget them by making Wallace endearingly daffy, pankcing and such while clearly in no positoin to bargin. Gromit tries to help.. but Feathers pulls a gun on him and quickly gets Gromit to back into the cabinet with wallace.

Gromit being goodest boy easily gets them out: he repograms the trousers, uses them to loosen the cabinet and eventually break it leading to our awesome climax: earlier it was shown Wallace had a model train. This leads to a traintop battle tha’ts both utterly redicuous and stupendously awesome as Feathers and Gromit FIGHT ATOP A MODEL TRAIN, with Wallace TRYING to assit and failing as you’d expect. It’s a MASTERFUL sequence, with the animation being pitch perfect as the two go at it and gromit skillfully dodges feather’s bullets before Wallace being useful for once, takes the gun away.

Wallace of course ends up running into things more than helping, but the chase is just pitch perfect with Wallace and Gromit ending up on a train together.. only to end up with no track thanks to feathers. So Gromit counters this by LAYING DOWN TRACK. Which is not only mundane made awesome as it’s finest, but also the animation at it’s finest, with it looking effortless. And all they did was simply use a towel to pull a bit each time. I’m so fucking awestruck they pulled this off, A+

Our heroes eventually win trapping feathers in a milkbottle and in a nice touch, Feathers is dragged off to jail via the trousers. Our heroes collect the reward, and can rest, while the trousers themselves head off into the sunset, probably to conquer florida. Honestly they can’t do a worse job than the guy currently running it.

Final Thoughts:

This short is excellent. Like I said I have my problems with Wallace’s character and the lack of a payoff to that arc.. but it dosen’t make it not good. A good enough work can make you ignore i’ts flaws and the spectacular, painstaking animation and clever as hell humor compesnate for a weaker emotional hook. And while the story’s emotins are scattered it’s pacing is phenominal: not a scene is wasted, almost everything comes back (even the breakfast does for a gag with Gromit I glossed over), and everything comes together in one of the best scenes in animation. Seriously that train scene alone is worth the price of admiition. So while it’s a flawed short... the Wrong Trousers is STILL a rousing classic

Next Time: It’s time to come and meet with Shawn the Sheep as our main heroes set up a window washing buisness and end up wool deep in a sheep rustling scam, romance, and a robot dog who sadly cannot turn into hoverboard.

If you enjoyed this review consider joining my patreon as we enter the final days of my membership drive! Join before august for two free reviews and a stretch goal of your choice! Or just kick in some money via paypal, simply hit my ask up. Comissoin a review or two.

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#wallace and gromit #wallace #gromit #feathers mcgraw #the wrong trousers #bbc #cartoon network #penguins #diamonds #my god #claymation #stop motion animation #stop motion #classic #90s

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despiteherself · 4 years ago

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what ur favourite ahkj side character says about you:

pancho: you’re a furry

willie: your doctor is giving u free handout of adderall bc ur broke ass couldn’t afford it otherwise

ted: as a child you wanted to be a cowboy when you grew up before you realised you’re scared of horses

horst: you secretly like taylor swift

hector: httyd2 was your least favourite movie of all time and you want people to stop asking you about it

dorothy: you subscribe to men’s magazines and pretend they belong to your boyfriend/husband/male dog

xixi: you know all the lyrics to the pina colada song

dr. s: you are also a furry. are they called scalies if it’s a snake? is that’s what’s going on?

rob mctod: you have an embarrassing crush on your best friend & they WILL definitely think differently about you if you told them

timo: a jock literally gave you a swirly in high school

mary Ann: you have girlboss gaslight gatekeep in modern calligraphy on your living room wall

butterfish: you don’t even bother to crack the window when you’re smoking weed in your work’s bathroom and literally everyone knows what you’re doing in there for like half an hour Jesus Christ man, you’re lucky the manager thinks you’re cute

tammy: you bully children at the playground because you have no life outside of babysitting your nephew and you call it “character building” when the police are called for the fifth time this week

todd: your parents & your kindergarten teacher got you professional mental help because you always painted only in black but it was literally just because that was the only colour left at the end of the day when you remembered that you actually wanted to paint

karl: you get upset that your ninety five year old grandfather doesn’t know what anime is

chauncey: you make vague posts on twitter about how rude it is to reply “kill it with fire” to any non conventional pet because you’re too scared to call people out directly

bruce: you’re trying to get your friends into investing in bitcoin

Trent and whatever the other dolphin is called: ok but seriously no one’s fave is the dolphins

king shark: you need scocophobia tagged

tentacle: you think your posts of rupi kapur poetry and like screencaps from pride and prejudice are high art

hans: you haven’t heard of deodorant

crimson: you have deep worries about the state of the earth, and how everything feels like it’s going to shit but you’re so overwhelmed by the state of all you just sort of do nothing and then like order doordash for the fourth time this week because your vegan boyfriend has cooked tempeh and seaweed for dinner again.

pam: you think anyone agreeing with someone else online and they follow each other is like, a secret cult

king joey: your favourite movie is wallace and gromit

karen: you are married to your childhood sweetheart, have three kids and a nursing degree

masakura: you think phoebe from friends is underrated and won’t stop telling people that

sage moondancer: you think you’re special because butterflies are your favourite animal and give unsolicited commentary about how you think they scream whilst in their pupa and present it like a real scientific fact

koto: idk some trump voter joke. #mmga

the crocodile ambassador: once you found a monogrammed handkerchief whilst op-shopping and you’re convinced it’s got your initials on it but really there’s a clothes moth hole and a weird stitch that doesn’t fit in and you throw a tantrum whenever one of your friends point this out

princess amy: you want your pet japanese spitz to be instafamous and you bully all your friends into liking and sharing all the photos you post

andy fairfax: you tell everyone you meet a different back story because the Heath Ledger joker is your icon and you will get into a fistfight with anyone who liked Joaquin Phoenix’ portrayal better

fred the giant scorpion: no one will watch movies with you because they hate having to explain that not every movie is a documentary

zora: you have a subscription beauty box addition and you won’t admit you need help

uncle king julien: you’re a simp for henry winkler and u know what? i respect that

grandma rose: you see a buff woman and you stan

butterfly queen: you unironically post “just because I’m beautiful doesn’t mean I’m not fierce” posts whilst you’re getting a manipedi and think that’s peak femininsm

prince barty: you think James Bond is a real man

princess julienne: you get mad when people think you “had” a superwholock teaboo phase. you’re still in it, it’s just called a dark academica now >:(

julien the terrible: as a child your friends dared you to eat a millipede and you did it but then they all called you millipede-breath and laughed about it and told everyone, and so you planned a years long revenge plan that you’re still slowly finalising to this day

becca: you have like ten brothers and you have to beat them at literally everything. you punch harder, spit farther, yell louder.

abner: you’re trying out a new clothing style and are disappointed that no ones noticed you look different

magic steve: you get mad when people can’t pick out the 42 ingredients you out into a soup you overpowered with garlic

brodney: you’re that sibling that’s like at least 10 years younger than your siblings so you know you were definitely a mistake and No! Of course it doesn’t affect you in any way! How dare anyone suggests that!

stanislove: you’re obsessed with the space race and goddamn i am SO damn sick of hearing about it

any of the pirates: you’re like 13

maggie the unwashed: you are literally 13 and you think fart jokes is peak humour

pineapple: you are allergic to strawberries and if you hear “oh, like pepper potts?” one more time you will commit murder and that just can’t happen because if you’re arrested then they’ll finally catch you for tax fraud

shrimp cocktail: your meat is huge

watermelon hawking: in your spare time you ponder the inner workings of the universe because you think it makes you seem very smart but the truth is no one literally has any idea what you’re thinking about so it’s not actually doing anything to impress anyone? if you’re gonna be like that why not at least ask fake deep questions to make sure everyone knows you think you’re big brained and you’re sure your name will be in history books.

wickman wilderbeast: once you beat an old lady at arm wrestling and you won’t let anyone forget

#not counting the four core & every single version of mort #also they have to have a name & king Joey is my limit of the rats ok #if I forget anyone rip there’s too many characters #I definitely have forgotten characters but ok #I’m tired it’s late #ahkj #shitpost #pot post

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i-was-bored-so-this-happened · 4 years ago

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Rae Watches Ghosts

2x02 About Last Night

The spoilers...I can see them. They’re....right here

PLAGUE GHOST CONTEEENNNT

GOD I MISS HORRIBLE HISTORIES

“And...I met the king...went on his boat. Fishin’“

SALT BAE MICK

Wuh woh. WUH WOH. MICK

Das a Wallace & Gromit face right there

Hi I love the Captain

He just wants to be fast, Allison

“For King and Countrehhh”

Allison do be gagging while on the phone

She’s gonna vomit at somepoint right?

Hi Charlotte RItchie’s pretty

WHAT DID YOU DO TO KITTY WHY IS SHE CRYING

Pat was so excited and Cap just went No and Pat went I mean, yes, No

Ah shite

THOMAS

“My mouth tastes like the inside of a bin.”

Allison what the hell did you say

YES THOMAS, DAHNCE

“Why d’you sound like Batman?”

ohhohohohohohoooooooo

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” “Don’t think sorry’s gonna cut it, mate.”

Pat and Cap just going everywhere together I see

Also has anyone but Pat called him Cap yet? Cause that means Pat has a specific nickname for the Captain. Does anyone know the Captain’s name?

WHAT DID YOU DO TO KITTY

Mary: You need a remedy Julian, instantly: ‘Air of the dog, luv, just drink more booze

Mary: I have the cure. Soak some mushrooms in milk of the goat and vinegar till it’s all warm and musty-

Okay but can we talk about how much better Mary’s pronunciation is? She should be so proud of herself! Good on you Mary!

Cap: This is what happens when you overindulge- Julian: Square Cap: When you give in to Gay Abandon

I love this scene

Roobin? Maary? What’s going ooon??

Robin. The Caveman. Checking his watch. That he doesn’t have

Oh that’s rank

NAKED MAN FANNY WATCH OUT

“Good Lord.”

Cap? Cap, you okay? You’re...quite interested in this man’s arse

Pat too?

THOMAS DANCING PART TWO HELL YEAH

Let!Pat!Dance!

Fanny: Stick it? Cap: In my bottom, presumably I am so using that line somewhere

Robin and Mary? Oh?

Cap: I will not allow Fanny to be decieved like this- Allison: No more war documentaries then. Cap, instantly: Your secret’s safe with me. It’s classified. She’d have to kill me first

Cap: I’ve only had war documentaries for a day and a half but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself

I never expected a plague ghost to say someone killing them was “Not cool at all, actually.”

~Plebeians~

What is this voice for Julian

Pat? Cap? Oh? Oh?

Do I detect romantic interests in Button House this night?

Mike why did you think this was going to be a good idea. Why

Headless guy’s head! Humphrey? Is Humphrey his name? Humphrey’s head!

KITTY! OH NO KITTY BABY NOOOO

FANNY JUMPSCARE

Martha pulls excellent faces as Lady Button

I love how the plague ghosts are played by the same cast like in Horrible Histories

Aww Robin and Mary dancing! Okay that was hella cute

YES PAT!! JIGGLE YOSELF ONTO THAT DANCEFLOOR! YES LAD!

Cap do be calling Pat by his full name only when telling him off though

You see that register on Pat’s face too, he hears his full name and he just oh shit

Pat, high-pitched: NAFF OFF YA WAZZOCK

A...Angry Pat?

Kay but we stan Robin and Mary looking after Kitty

“Let it all out. I always feel better after little cry.”

There is no way Mike hears her from up there

Patrick. Cap’s still angry at him

“Daniel, Veronica, Clive, Annie”

Has anything ever happened between Robin and Mary before or is this just a centuries-long ghost-housemate to lover slowburn?

Mike no. NO. NOO

MIKE YOU BLOODY IDIOT

Aww, Kitty

Julian yelling “Ordahh” for the fifteen hundredth time

What Allison said is just everyone @ Thomas

Thomas just fuckin ascended

jesus

“I had a bath every year!”

Okay, so ghosts can smell, Julian has confirmed

Angy Plague Ghosts

This scene is also golden and I love it

Reeall subtle guys

ROBIN

I repeat my earlier note, Martha pulls excellent faces as Lady Button

Oh no. Oh no Mike. I forgot. Oh God

More repeating/overlapping Pat and Cap! Apology edition!

Robin: We cool? Mary: Yeah, we be cool.

Everything went to shit in the same moment. Pretty on brand

CALLED IT

#bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts spoilers #rae watches ghosts

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phanlight · 4 years ago

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Imagine Living Like A King Someday

prompt: Southview Boarding School isn’t a castle and Phil Lester isn’t royalty, but he has everything. His father owns the school, he’s popular, has the best room, gets all the best treatment – there are very few things that aren’t handed to him on a platter. Dan is a cleaner/Phil’s personal maid there, and he isn’t as lucky. Everyone seems to take an aversion to the outsider, including Phil (at first).

[CHAPTER MASTERPOST]

theres something so funny to me abt having written all of this over a matter of months and then picking it up 4 entire years later like nothing happened

still thinking of the enormous steaming mess past left future me to clear up in terms of plot but i think we're finally there THANKS 2016 SHELLEY

[AO3 LINK]

Twenty-Three (fINALLY)

By far the best thing about this job, Dan decides, is the Thursday afternoons. They allow for a lull in the week, a window wherein Phil is enveloped in a research project and Noah equally as swallowed up in rehearsals. December being only a breath away had made for a sudden increase in workload for both of them; it seems leaving the holiday season for an actual holiday is far too big an ask for the education system. Dan feels sorry for them. He remembers his burning resentment toward academic responsibilities; how much he’d loathed being made to study while the sky loses its light. He’d taken pity on the pair of them and stocked up on various study supplies – all edible and a few drinkable, much to their delight. He’d left them with all the Kit-Kats, Doritos and Jaffa Cakes they’d possibly be able to cram into a four-hour session. He’s becoming something of a mother figure, he giggles when he tells Lawrence.

There’s something about conversations with someone as wise as the head caretaker, the nicest boss he’s ever had, that jolts everything back into perspective again. Sometimes, when anxiety gnaws and every breath feels uneasy, the only thing that helps is a few words of wisdom. Of true compassion. And as caring and as gentle as Phil is, sometimes it’s worth listening to someone over triple his age; with triple his life experience.

And way over triple his collection of mugs. They stand in rows in a cabinet next to the desk, a glass door keeping them on proud display (there’s no way he doesn’t polish that regularly). He can’t count the teas they’ve had together, but he’s never had the same mug twice. It makes the overall experience just that little bit more enjoyable; a guaranteed smile no matter how bleak the day.

“Wallace, or Gromit?” is the first thing Lawrence says when Dan creaks open the door.

He frowns. Bit of an odd way to say hello, but he’s had weirder.

“Sorry?”

“If you had to pick?”

Dan chuckles, his frown melting away. Months of this place has made him warmly familiar with Lawrence’s eccentricities and quick-fire questions upon entering. The only one who works here with a personality, Phil often calls him, before quickly adding Below fifty, of course.

“Gromit,” he says decidedly. “He’s cute.”

“Gromit it is,” he whips around, presenting Dan with a steaming ceramic version of the dog, his left ear protruding into a handle.

“How did I not see that coming?” Dan chuckles, taking the mug and nearly burning his fingertips. “Thanks,” he sips a little too quickly. “Let me guess; you have a Wallace one too?”

“A-ha!” Lawrence spins around again holding with an identically sized mug, the other character still grinning despite having a head full of boiling hot liquid.

“You never cease to amaze me,” Dan grins, shaking his head in disbelief. He plops himself down on Lawrence’s enormous armchair, shifting a jacket off of the seat. Despite his repeated insistence that he really doesn’t mind and the stool looks really comfy, actually; Lawrence insists he takes his chair every single time he comes over.

‘It’s just lovely to have a chat with you, kid,’ he’d say. ‘I don’t get many visitors.’

The whole thing swamps Dan’s small frame, the upholstery devouring most of him, but the comfort is unbeatable. He could fall asleep here.

“Look at his nose! His- look at that! Hey- you’re missing it!”

Dan’s eyes dart around the room. “Wait- what?”

“The mug!” he urges.

Dan frowns, peering at the steaming Wallace. His grin looks like the taste of Brie.

“It’s-…” he squints. “Big?”

“Not mine you daft thing- yours!” he points.

“Mine?” Dan looks down. Gromit stares forward, his black button now a cherry red. “Oh!”

“Clever, that, ain’t it?” Lawrence enthuses, his eyes shimmering. “Must be a heat detector! I don’t know how they do it, these things,” he beams. “It’s like they’re finding something new every day.”

Dan’s heart glows. It would come as no surprise if he’d been waiting all week to show him that.

“I’ll keep an eye out for it next time,” Dan smiles, looking down. “I used to have a Pac-Man mug that did a similar thing, actually.”

“Pac-Man, eh?” Lawrence says as if it’s the eleventh Grand Theft Auto. “What used to happen? Did he do his little routine?”

“Not quite,” Dan giggles, assuming his ‘little routine’ constituted flying around a maze uncontrollably. “The ghosts just appeared. Nothing moved, though.”

“That’ll be the next step, I tell you,” Lawrence says. “Goodness knows what they’ll be able to do even one year from now. Come next Christmas you’ll be buying me a mug that can sing.”

Dan’s grin doesn’t stop. How someone so many times his age can still bear such child-like enthusiasm for the small things really is something treasurable. The gem of Southview, he decides as he takes another sip and studies the bottle opener collection beside him. Lawrence makes this job bearable. Worthwhile.

He doesn’t tell him such mugs actually exist; doesn’t let on the Cherusker stein is a particular favourite of his. The cabinet full of them was in fact possibly the only tolerable aspect of the May Fair experience; – he’d forever spend lounge duty dusting them, lifting every one and smiling as gentle lullabies spilled out until barked at to ‘stop wasting time’. He makes a mental note to make another addition to his Christmas shopping list. He’s certain Lawrence is aware of their existence, but he’s sure he wouldn’t be expecting to unwrap one only three weeks from now. Seeing those eyes crinkle with joy under years of laughter lines is a gift in itself.

He only realizes he’s smiling when Lawrence matches his grin.

“You’re at a funny age,” he sighs, clinking the spoon against the china. He places it on an Abbey Road coaster. “That’s what my mother used to say,” he pauses, forehead lined with thought. “Mind you, she’s been saying that at every age I’ve been,” there’s a silence. “Even now.”

Dan grins, imagining a woman twenty-odd years older but about a metre shorter. It warms his heart to hear she’s still with him, with them. Here.

“What does that say, eh?” he continues. “There’s never an age you’re going to look back and everything around you will have fallen into place. Never a moment you’ll dust off your hands and think ‘well, that was easy’. Because that isn’t life.”

The final sentence resounds all around the hemisphere of his consciousness. What absolute truth there is to be found in that.

This is precisely what he loves about his conversations with Lawrence. It isn’t just the tea. Not even the comfort both physical and emotional alike; the guarantee that whatever he confesses to doing won’t go any further than the office walls. It isn’t even the advice- which he’d go so far as to admit is more beneficial than Phil’s, at certain times (there’s just something about hearing it from someone who’s double their combined age).

It’s the lack of judgement. The listening ear. The only person he can truly guarantee is without a single trace of bias or underlying ulterior motive. The ‘I’ve experienced, lived, truly knocked down but bounced back every time’ tone that resonates through every pebble of advice, each wise word he gifts away.

And he feels safe, talking to him. He feels comfortable. It’s everything every single past job wasn’t, and even now, when Dan drags a scalding sip to his lips and listens to Lawrence’s stories, his pellets of wisdom and anecdote after anecdote involving life in the Sixties, he realizes he’s truly safe here. Happy, almost.

“How old is she? Your mother?” The question escapes his lips before he can exercise any control over what he’s asking. Shit, he hopes that wasn’t too personal. Not a lot of things are off-limits when it comes to conversations with Lawrence, but boundaries are still unclear.

Lawrence remains unfazed, his expression still thoughtfully soft.

“She’ll be ninety-eight this June.”

“Eighty-eight?” Dan frowns. He must have heard that wrong.

Lawrence points a finger to the ceiling. “Up ten.”

His jaw drops.

“Wow.”

“Yep,” Lawrence contradicts with a warm head nod. “She’s lived through a lot, has our Maggie.”

“I can imagine,” Dan breathes, leaning against the desk. His respective lifespan has already thrown enough in his direction. He can’t imagine what four times that would be.

“Lived through two world wars, bless her,” he sighs, his eyes studying the windowsill. “Lord alone knows what the woman must have witnessed,” his eyes flicker to Dan. “Then bringing up three kids on top of that,” he shakes his head, slurping the steam. “I don’t know how she does it. Still going strong, mind. She’s an angel.”

“Truly,” Dan sighs, his gaze leaning further and further out of the window. A crow comes to a soaring descent onto one of the branches, leaving a flutter of yellow leaves in its wake. If he narrows his eyes he can make out the very outline of a nest somewhere further in. “You’re lucky to have her,” he says before his thoughts can catch up.

Lawrence huffs out a chuckle. “You sound almost as old as I do, kid,” he hesitates. “Though you’re right. I am. I love her.” There’s a silence. “And I make sure I tell her every single day.”

Something tightens in the back of Dan’s throat. He blinks a couple of times, sipping carefully. “That’s lovely,” he mumbles into the mug, masking the crack he knew was going to appear in his voice.

“It’s important to say it as often as you can, you know,” he says, tearing open a box of Leibniz and giving Dan the first pick. They’re orange – his favourite. Last week’s rant over the white chocolate ones had clearly been taken on board. “However you say it. In whichever respect you mean it. You have to tell them how much they mean to you. You have to tell them you love them.”

A crumb goes down the wrong way.

“Careful, kid,” Lawrence gives him a firm thump on the back. Dan erupts into coughs, pausing to choke on his own breath a handful of times.

“You okay?”

It’s an amusing question given he’s a shade of scarlet and can only gasp in response, but he nods anyway, reaching for the tea.

All good, he mouths.

A couple of scalding sips later his lungs finally begin to recalibrate.

“Fuck-…” he huffs out a sigh. “I don’t know where that came from- I-…” he chokes again. “You’re right, though, about the-” another cough interrupts him.

“You’re meant to eat it, not inhale it,” Lawrence chuckles. “You donut. Here-“ he pulls out a drawer, scrabbling through loose sheets of kitchen roll and various CDs (without cases, much to Dan’s anxiety) before thrusting a half-opened packet of Soothers into his hand. “Finish them off, kid.”

“Oh, Lawrence,” Dan’s heart all but melts. “Thank you.”

He only takes one, but Lawrence insists he keeps them.

“Just in case you inhale your dinner tonight,” he chuckles, before adding, “Don’t you go choking on that, for God’s sake.”

“The irony of choking on a Soother,” Dan giggles. his speech a little indistinct. They’re a little on the sticky side but they still taste good. The peach ones have always been his favourite.

“Remember what I said,” he reminds him as Dan chews.

“Thank you,” he says again.

“Not at all, pet,” he smiles. “They need eating up.”

Dan chuckles. “I meant for the-…” he trails off when he spots the gleam in the older man’s eye. He doesn’t even need to finish his sentence to know he knows.

“It’s my pleasure. As long as I can be useful for something,” he raises his chipped mug to his lips as if it’s a champagne glass. “Always remember to give your energy to the right things. And the right people.”

Dan smiles, twining a loose thread around his pinkie. Another pellet of wisdom to come back to when he feels his mind darkening.

“I never used to be much good at that,” he admits. “The right people were always the wrong.”

“Ah, but never forget how far you’ve come,” Lawrence says. “You’re telling me things you wouldn’t have even been able to even think about months ago.”

Dan looks up. “Seriously?” Shit, he hadn’t even noticed.

“Would I be joking?” Lawrence simply says, furrowing a large silver eyebrow. Dan looks down at his tea, sipping carefully. It’s reached a perfect temperature, the liquid hugging his lips. “You tend not to be able to see your own progress, but others can. Others do,” he insists, grey eyes promising.

Dan feels like he’s going to cry.

“Thank you,” he breathes, disguising his mouth with the mug again.

“You don’t need to thank me, kid,” he chuckles.

“It’s unbelievably hard not to,” Dan admits, chuckling too. His eyes threaten tears but he can’t stop grinning.

“If anything, I should be thanking you,” he says.

Dan stares at him.

“Me? What for?”

“Oh, kid,” Lawrence sighs, his eyes glittering. “You have no idea how much I appreciate you. We’ve had some real characters in and out of here, I’m telling you – between you and me, and don’t even let this get to Phil, but-…” he shakes his head, his eyes following another crow headed in the same direction. He’s probably watching the same tree; Dan briefly thinks before he continues. “Some were okay,” he says almost as if to convince himself if anyone. “Mary, she was lovely. But some,” he closes his eyes, shaking his head. “Look- I really shouldn’t be telling you this- Lord alone knows how unprofessional it is to be-“

“I wouldn’t worry,” Dan interjects, immediately apologizing for interrupting. “Workplaces harbor all manner of dark secrets. I’m sure a little venting about a couple of difficult colleagues doesn’t even come close.”

Lawrence chuckles, dusting biscuit crumbs off of the desk. “That I can’t argue with, kid,” he continues wiping, as if to process his next thought. “I’m not one to speak ill of people- of anyone, but-…’ he shakes his head. ‘You have no idea how much easier a time you give me, kid. It’s a joy to have you here,” he lowers his voice. “Some of them didn’t even turn up.”

Dan feels his face burn a little. Something warm floods through his veins. Shit, he’s never been told anything like that before. Never anything even remotely close. There’s also something particularly wholesome about Lawrence giving a recount of lousy employees like it’s a business-shattering affair, all hushed tones and closed doors.

“It’s great to be here,” he says quickly, his heart thumping. “It really is. It-…” he stops himself, interrupted by the abundance of possible phrases. Saved me, is the only one that adheres.

“I know,” Lawrence says before he can even open his mouth. He reaches forward and gives his knee a quick pat, and Dan wonders how such a small motion can harbour such reassurance. He doesn’t even need to finish his sentences he’s this understanding. “You’re a delight of an employee, I hope you realize,” he grins. “Everything you do is so appreciated here, kid. I ought to tell you that more often,” he pauses. “Sometimes the advice we give is advice we need to take ourselves, eh?

“And vice-versa,” Dan smiles, before hesitating. “Maybe I ought to express myself more.”

“Oh, you already do, kid,” Lawrence says. “We know.”

Dan’s grinning at his tea when he catches the end of his sentence.

“Especially Phil, did you say?”

“Oh, tell me about it. He can’t speak too highly of you, can our Phil. He can’t stop talking about you altogether, mind. ‘The Dan Button’, we call it.”

This conversation isn’t doing Dan’s sensitive blush reflex any favours whatsoever, but he’s past caring. He’s something of an open book to Lawrence anyway.

He stares at the row of vintage Cadbury mugs lining the top shelf of the cabinet (the 1970s Caramel edition is his favourite – there’s just something about the golden writing) as he continues. He wonders if he has a Phil Button. Does he talk about him a lot? Fuck, he hasn’t even thought about it. Usually there’s so much to say; whether it be an anecdote from the passing day or a conversation they’d had or something they’d watched or witnessed or read. It’s difficult to keep track of his own train of thought whenever anyone mentions him. The topic usually leads itself, his own mouth merely a guide. He’ll have to ask Noah if it’s getting excessive.

His eyes stay with the branch. The two crows huddle around the nest-like cluster. By the time this conversation is over the tree will probably be completely leaf-less, he notices as more fall.

“I don’t have a Phil Button, do I?” he says before he can stop himself. Fuck. He just couldn’t resist.

Lawrence only smiles. An eyebrow thinks about twitching upward.

Dan smirks at the silence. Okay. Enough said.

“You kids,” he sighs, swallowing the remains of his tea. “Look out for each other, won’t you? Remember what I said. Tell people how much they mean to you. They aren’t mind-readers.”

Dan smiles, and promises.

“Always.”

Lawrence grins. “I’m glad you ended up here. Doctor Lester is particularly fond of you, y’know.”

Dan stares at him. Surely not. He’s never even seen the man talk, let alone crack anything close to a smile. Any communication between the two had always been by proxy – usually through Lawrence but Phil a lot of the time too. It’s eerily easy to forget they’re even related at all, let alone father and son.

“Oh yes,” he continues, reading his expression. “I shan’t embarrass you with the details, but he says it’s simply a delight to have you on board.”

Dan stares out of the window. Another crow had joined whom he had presumed to be the mother (how can you even tell with birds like that?), both fluttering close to their respective nest. More leaves fall with every judder.

“Well, that-…” he giggles, already feeling his face flush again. He’s going to have to invest in some makeup at this point. “That means a lot. To say the very least, I guess,” he widens his eyes, staring into space. “Wow. God, that’s-…” disbelief silences him. He shakes his head. “That’s the first time like-…” his eyes flicker wider. “Ever.”

“Yeah,” Lawrence remains tactfully quiet. Any allusions toward past jobs are always met with nothing other than gentle sympathy – never questions, never any further comments. Dan can’t thank him enough for that – the past is to be referred to, not relived. If its only reflective purpose is to one day be used as a comparison, something highlighting the incline of quality of life thereafter, then so be it. “You’re appreciated here, kid. By all of us,” he leans forward. “Between you and me, I think he can see how happy you’re making Phil. Y’didn’t hear that from me though, alright?” he nudges his foot with his own and throws him a quick wink.

Dan goes from pink to peony. He makes sure to chew his biscuit properly this time, dunking it in the remains of the tea. Another choking fit at his point would probably send him head-first into the recovery position. He doesn’t reckon being carried out of Mr. Headforth’s office on a stretcher would be his finest hour. Not when he’s finally made it onto the good side of the school, of the staff and communities therein; unusually tight-knit for such a vast population.

He looks up. He smiles.

“No, I didn’t.”

Lawrence’s eyes flicker down to his cheeks. He doesn’t need to say anything.

And I make sure I tell her every single day.

It resides with him for the rest of the afternoon, the phrase burning itself into his consciousness like a tattoo behind the eyes. He can’t let it go, not when he’s studying that pineapple streak the sunset left behind, Phil a breezy nuzzle to the cheek. Not when they’re pacing through the corridors somewhere in the evening, somewhere between the fall of the sun and the rise of the moon. Not even when their hair becomes a confusion of two shades and every breath is shared.

However you say it. In whichever respect you mean it.

He wonders how Lawrence tells her; his mother. When. Where. Does it depend on the day? The hour? Circumstance? He knows there are more than eight letters involved in the action, more than three words to its weight. Does the meaning bleed through his everyday phrases? When he asks her about her day? Whether she’s eaten?

He gulps, his heart thudding.

“Have you had lunch?” was how he’d greeted Phil this noon. “I have loads of pasta in the fridge. I made too much again.”

He stares at the ceiling.

“Text me when you get there,” was how he’d said goodbye this evening. It had started as a joke between the three of them – the campus, although spanning acre-upon-acre of land is still nothing but a speck when compared to the rest of the outside world – but had quickly become something of a tradition (to the extent Dan would often find himself receiving ‘i’m ok <3’ texts from someone in the next room as him).

“Take care,” is how he punctuates most ending conversations with the other boy in hindsight. Still eight letters. A different combination of such, albeit, but a mirrored meaning.

Oh god. He’s fucked.

You’re at a funny age, grey eyes remind him.

Every cell in his body agrees with that, and apparently it’s something they’ll have to get used to. It looks like that’ll never stop, not even after ninety-eight trips around the Sun.

Remember what I said.

Dan does.

#phanfic #phanfiction #phan au #dan and phil #mywriting #writing #chaptered #im still refamiliarising myself w this so it might take a couple chapters to properly settle in #but i hope this is ok omg

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flimflamblings · 5 years ago

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Hi, I saw the post related to your mom. I'm really sorry about what you're going to and I hope she'll be fine. In the meantime I would love to hear some headcanons related to flim and flam. Any kind of headcanon! (To be honest you make me wanting to go see all the episodes where flim and flam appeared)

Thank you for the concern ;;v;; and dont worry, it looks like shes gonna be okay now! But she's still in the hospital so Imma take you up on that offer:

- I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before but I like to think flim and flam have a huge soft spot for babies. Like they will stop mid con if they see a cute baby.

- Flim is REALLY easily distracted, especially by shiny things. @usagikinniesart blessed me with this illustration-

- Flam goes absolutely HAM over model trains. If given the funds he would deck his entire house out with a trains, he made a special one that brings him mail Wallace and Gromit style

- Flim makes dolls! After the Hearthswarming doll thing he started to actually take a liking to the hobby, so he took up sewing. Hes super protective of his dolls, they all have names.

- Both of them have a condition called "Macro Magica", were the body produces to much or too strong magic. That's the reason they can power machines with just their magic, and the whole 'laser' thing. As kids this presented itself in random bursts of magic that set shit on fire. A LOT.

- They've known Big Bucks and Jack Pot since they were little, Trixie too. They were neighbors and Jack and Buck would watch them pretty often when their mom had to work late. Flam and Trixie were absolute RIVALS since the BEGINNING, even though Trixie was like 3 when flim and flam were 7. They would constantly try to one up each other and their parents thought it was hilarious

- They've also known Suri and Lightning Dust since they were kids! Their parents were friends. Suri's mom, Button Belle, was a hard working single mom as well and got along really well with Ruby sr. Wind Rider was just became their friend somehow, since he was also a single parent. The boys were a little older than Suri and LD, but they still got along well and are still friends to this day.

That's all for now, thank you for asking me abt it ily!!!!

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maydaymemer · 5 years ago

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Steam vs. Sledgehammer

Yep it’s time to review two songs in one. My favourite song ever: Steam (yes, Steam), as well as one of the iconic songs of the ‘80s: Sledgehammer. Both by Peter Gabriel, both heavily influenced by funk and both with music videos directed by the late Stephen R. Johnson.

Sledgehammer needs no introduction for anyone over 40, which means it does need an introduction here. The song is the lead single from Peter Gabriel’s 1986 pop opus “So”, and is his only American #1 (it only got to #4 in the UK, which makes me more ashamed to be from here than ever). It’s known for its pioneering stop-motion animated music video which is still well regarded today, heck it kickstarted Aardman’s career before they made Wallace and Gromit. The song is a loving tribute to Gabriel’s favourite funk and Motown songs he listened to in his youth, there’s even a funny anecodote a read about Gabriel in his early days going to a soul cafe or something and being the only white guy there. To be a fly on the wall on that day. Methinks he was there to pick up chicks, not just listen to the music, which only makes me love the guy even more to be honest.

Steam on the other hand I don’t think anyone who isn’t a Gabriel fan remembers. Sure, when it was released in 1992 it was a hit but was generally seen as a Sledgehammer II: Sledge Harder, and didn’t set anyone’s world alight. Plus, people weren’t listening to Peter Gabriel in ‘92, they were bumping Nirvana and Tupac. On the bright side we did get a fucking insane music video which I love showing to people to get a reaction out of them.

One of them highly acclaimed and the other mostly maligned, but both are typically overshadowed by their music videos. I’m here to dig into what makes both these songs great, and why they’re both intelligent, finely crafted pop songs. I’m also going to note the similarities between the two, and why I think Steam was a more than worthy follow up.

Let’s get down to the start of both songs. Sledgehammer begins with a synthesised flute that goes on for about 15 seconds, before launching into an opening tune that knocks you right off your seat like, well a sledgehammer. This sets up an appropriate atmosphere for a song that combines the clever soul with the sexy sounds of the ‘80s to create a song that transcends past dated into just a banging tune that holds up today. The song has an excellent bassline and feels simply big. Then we get Gabriel coming in with a prolonged “Heeeeeeey” followed up with a more muffled “tell me how have you been?” to take us into the first verse. The song sets a mood and it sets it well, this is bouncy and fun Peter Gabriel, not weird psycho Peter Gabriel (which is pretty much his default).

Steam, on the other hand, doesn’t introduce itself. The song just abruptly bursts into your door after a short bassline with the distinct drum and bassline with all sorts of sounds flung at you. Horns, electric guitar, you name it. Gabriel yells “Stand back! Stand back!” And you almost think “yeah maybe I should I shouldn’t really argue with Peter Gabriel”, especially in the video where he’s wearing a pimp suit to accompany this. He continues, shouting “what are these dogs doing sniffing at my feet? / They’re onto something picking up / picking up / this heat”. I still have no idea what this intro means, but then we transition into the abolsutely magnificent instrumented chorus as Peter sings “Give me Steam / and how you feel can make it real / real as anything you’ve seen / get a life / with the dreamer’s dream”. I’ve heard reviewers call this song overproduced, and I would agree the song is very maximal in terms of production, but I wouldn’t remove one instrument. The song’s various mood changes from chorus to verse to pre-and-post choruses take me where the song wants me to go emotionally every time. I find the “Give me Steam” part specifically to be rather exciting and really impressed me the first time I listened to this song, last year I believe, and it still impresses me now.

This is where we take a look at the verse structure of both songs, which are pretty much the same not just within the songs but between them. The first verses of both set up two metaphors:

“You could have a steam train / if you just lay down your tracks

You could have an aeroplane flying / if you bring your blue sky back” - From Sledgehammer

“You know your culture from your trash

You know your plastic from your cash” - From Steam

Peter then connects these to the message of the song at the end of the verse:

“All you do is call me

I’ll be anything you need” - Sledge

“Whenever heavens doors are shut / you get* them open but / I know you” - Steam (alright I’m cheating here, that’s three metaphors, but this illustrates my point better)

So as you can see this is where the two songs split off. Sure both include Peter’s patented silly sex puns, a Sledgehammer is long and hard while Steam is hot and wet, but the meanings of each song is different.

For Sledgehammer the song is about how sex can be used to communicate and brighten up the mood of someone where words simply can’t help. The philosophy of the song is that sometimes you just need some fuck. I imagine a narrative where maybe Peter and this lady friend he’s talking to through the song have just broken off some long term relationship, and they’re very good friends so they spend some time together playing with her bumper cars and his big dipper to take their minds off it. The song isn’t really about love, it’s about having fun, but as I illustrated with my interpretation it’s not about sex with someone you don’t love it’s about sex with someone you’re not IN love with. So kind of a FWB/rebound kind of thing, though not a romcom version where they get together in the third act. It’s a very different approach to an ‘Intercourse with You’ song and told in a very fun way. The song has a bounce to it and a sort of mature naivety, Peter comes across as genuinely joyful to the woman he’s narrating too, they aren’t using eachother but they’re not in a serious relationship either. Good stuff, Pete.

Steam on the other hand is about the relationship, it’s about that spark and connection with someone. Specifically it’s about a relationship where the woman is cultured, sophisticated and generally a classy lady but Peter isn’t. He’s talking himself down, except for one subject: when it comes to the lady, he knows her better than she does and that’s the most important thing of all. Maybe he knows how to please her, maybe he knows her deepest depths, maybe it’s both but the songwriting illustrates that Peter is just in awe of this woman and she might not be in awe of herself just yet. I always interpreted this as Peter writing about a relationship between classes, but in a smarter way than say Billy Joel. Peter grew up middle class but in this song it’s like he’s putting himself in the shoes of a working class guy who’s in a relationship with someone who should be out of his league, but perhaps because of those virtues have led to him knowing how to socialise he can get the depths of her heart better jan a thousand potential rich suitors and their relationship just works. I’m being a bit old school with the picture I’m painting but a genuinely smart way of basically writing Opposites Attract but without the cartoon cat (instead we get a CGI Peter Gabriel Chair, perhaps that’s not the best trade off). That’s why I love it so much, it writes a geniunely smart love song about a relationship working despite the differences which a lot of songs do but they never go into why they work together. Peter explains that while he can’t know a lot about art or money he does know a lot about humanity (and sex, as Sledge shows).

The rest of the verses follow this same formula, I’ll close the review by pointing out how the finales of both songs basically are the same again.

With the finale of Sledgehammer Gabriel refers to “shedding his skin”. He then says “this is the new stuff”, which probably sounds like a birthday suit reference to you but I have a more indirect interpretation. What I love about the line is that in a way it’s Gabriel saying “I’m the shit!”, predicting that the song will become ‘the new stuff’ as it did. Which is why it’s one of the things I do prefer over Steam, which goes for a more obvious orgasm innuendo:

“Roomshake, earthquake

Find a way to stay awake

It’s gonna blow, it’s gonna break

This is more than I can take!”

Tho back to praising Steam, it is my favourite song after all, I think that song does pace itself better. Steam is a minute longer and has way more variety, with a lot of change ups with an occasional pre-chorus peppered in. It’s a longer song that feels shorter and endlessly replayable. Granted a listen to both of these songs an unhealthy amount of times, so I wouldn’t recommend any of you reading this skip out on them. Listen to them however you can, they’re a great time. Heck, buy the albums they come from because the rest of the songs on there are great too.

Thanks for reading this review. It’s a very quick one drafter of hopefully many that I’m posting to sharpen my writing skills. Hope you enjoyed and I’ll make sure to improve these over time. I have ideas for little bite size and more cohesive reviews of the following songs: Uh Huh, Girl, Babooshka

*note: thought he sung “kick” but apparently not. Personally I think “kick” has a better kick to it, funny enough, in terms of annunciation.

#peter gabriel #steam #song analysis #review #music #peter gabriel steam #peter gabriel sledgehammer #petr fuckriel #sledgehammer

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iooldblog · 6 years ago

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Minecraft Steves rated

as animated in different youtube videos

like an enderman:

good texture on skin. sick of that enderman fuckin nickin his shit. weird nose. whats up with his nose? otherwise good 7/10

emeralds:

owo!!! big beautiful eyes. i love him 10/10

revenge:

ahhhhhh!!! lost wallace and gromit character. receding hairline. im afraid 4/10

mining ores:

angery. thicc brows. i fucking despise those fingers tho just give him hooves like the rest of us 2/10

fallen kingdom:

not a steve but still important. dreamworks face. pretty good! shaders could be better, but otherwise p good 7/10

slamacow:

also not a steve. this dude’s a straight up self insert. still looks v good. look at that blush! dont like the curved mouth tho regardless 9/10

minecraft style:

ok real talk i remember being furious when this video got taken down and then losing my shit when it was put back up. good ol 2013. anyway dont like the fingers but still a solid job 9/10

where them mobs at:

he just wants to protect his piggie from the creepers gentle soul <3<3<3 8/10

where them mobs at 2:

this guy called me a whore on xbox live and told me to make him a sandwich 0/10

where them mobs at 3:

another not-steve but oooooo middle finger!!!!!!! 6/10

tnt:

if you’re not gonna animate his lovely face congrats you made an elaborate machinima fucker step your game up -2/10

element animation steve:

oooooooo this boy's good. almost too good. look at those colours pop. look at the texture on his skin. deep sexy voice. i love him. hansomd. 15/10

mine it out:

no -5/10

#my best post #funnee jokes with io #minecraft #machinima #minecraft steve #mc #steve

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cupofsorrows · 5 years ago

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Lovecraft Kids Movie, Part 2

Part 1

OK ANYWAYS Hewlett Packard Hovercraft Lovercraft is awakened by his mother, who is definitely not being controlled by a spell or replaced by a monster or anything shady like that.

Trustworthy, right? To be fair, I think that red glow in her eyes is actually supposed to be reflected light.

Meanwhile, though:

MAN that does not look any better the second time around. What program did they use to make this, ‘90s SimCity? Somebody’s screensaver? Anyway, here’s a castle.

We turn our attention to some of the people of this fine landAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! AH HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

So, the uh... the Snorks here are friends of the king of this realm, and probably important characters from the previous movie. They have names, but I’m not going to bother remembering them. (the figures behind them, I believe, are from a Lamisil commercial)

Ah, so I presume this was the “Frozen Kingdom” from the previous film, which Howie L. presumably saved. Things are starting to come together. And I guess one of the squid people is named Gotha - whatever, you’re not going to remember, either.

GAAAH! well, I do believe this qualifies as ‘unearthly and terrifying’, so good job there, movie.

also, the king is actually Spot. Did I mention that? Except they call him “Thu Thu Hmong”, except sometimes they call him Spot, too. And he still isn’t Cthulhu, okay??

...enjoy that little exchange. That’s a present from me.

(if it helps you sleep at night, they’re talking about his overall stature and his mystical power, but c’mon. are they really? you know...wink.)

King ThuluSpotMong explains that he will use astral projection to find everybody’s friend Howard, which is VERY DANGEROUS because it LEAVES HIS BODY VULNERABLE and I SURE HOPE NOTHING HAPPENS, HINT HINT.

...by the way, I checked the imdb page for this because I knew there were some great actors involved and I wanted to see what characters they were playing so I would know when they showed up. I found what I was looking for, but do you know what else I found?

...huh, that’s weird. Why do all these actors have the same last name?

...He really did it, didn’t he. Son of a bitch, the director put his own fucking family members in the fucking movie. In some pretty major roles (like, main character major)! And it shows! Because I’m like MAYBE a fourth of the way in, and most of the voice acting has been pretty lackluster so far! The talented guys, the big names, they don’t start until later. All of the characters I’ve shown you up to now, with the exception of the guy reading the quote at the very beginning, are of the O’Reilly brood (Spot-Cthulhu-Mong is voiced by Sean himself, talking through what sounds like a kazoo). What the fuck, movie?!? Maybe you all thought it was going to suck anyway but you still could’ve tried! You SHOULD have tried!

But now we’re back with Hovercraft, whose spooky book is getting ready to go all Reading Rainbow on his ass if something isn’t done soon. And here’s his mom again, still definitely not acting sus:

nope

nothing

shady

here

(ooh, you think it’s Yithians? I hope it’s Yithians. Or Mi-go! Yithians or Mi-go.)

Also, Christ that animation. Look at those trees, holy shit.

Now we learn that little Hovercraft is being taken to see either his father, who might be evil, or the badguy from Fullmetal Alchemist.

Abdul? THAT’S THAT GUY I HATE!!!

(This is, by the way, the first pro in the cast, voiced by the illustrious Jeffrey Combs.)

“Oo ee oo ah-ah! Ting tang! Walla walla bing bang!”

Cthulhu! Am I glad to see you! Oh wait, never mind, it’s just Spot.

wish I could tell you, Howard. Wish I could tell you.

Abdul tries to stop Shaggy and Scooby from escaping by revealing that he’s holding the Lovecraft parents hostage (so it WASN’T Yithians. But it still doesn’t explain what mom’s deal was before. Was she under a spell or was that a simulacrum conjured by dark magic?). Side note, why does Abdul look so familiar? I wanna say Wallace & Gromit, but I’m not sure that’s actually it.

...anyway, the heroes escape, and now Abdul has a friend who’s very disappointed. But Abdul isn’t worried, because he’s cast a spell, you see! A transformation spell!

So, (hurried mumbling) and then everything will be BACK ON TRACK. No need to be worried at all!

Oh OK, THIS is the guy who works for Father from Fullmetal Alchemist.

(this guy is voiced by a non-O’Reilly too, but I’m not sure who because this character hasn’t been named yet. My GUESS is he’s “The Envoy”, which would make him Doug Bradley.)

...Man, now I kinda want to watch a Wallace & Gromit where they have to deal with cultists.

Howard Poward makes it safely through the Bifrost, but what happened to Spot??

*GASP* NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!1!

...Yeah we figured, you don’t need to spell it out. But ol’ Abdul does have some interesting things to say next (or at least, as interesting as things have managed to get so far)...

Shit, maybe he IS Cthulhu after all (I refer to Howard, of course)

...Well, I think it’s time to wrap up this post too. But I think I need to put the whole operation on pause if I actually want to get any sleep tonight, so I think I’ll pick up again tomorrow night. I stopped the movie after this point, so if/when I take it up again tomorrow I’ll still be experiencing it fresh (good lord, I’m still less than 20 minutes into this thing. good lord).

Cthulhu ftaghn and all that.

EDIT: Part 3

#hp lovecraft #HLatUK #howard lovecraft #happy halloween

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