#cafe salmonella

[dearest-deadd]

Your name is Larry…? AS IN LARRY YOUR WAITER??

[unfortunatetheorist]

Could the 'S' stand for Sugar?

To parody Olivia Caliban - "I've been doing some thinking"

The theories among the fandom surrounding S. Theodora Markson have been logical, but in this theory, I'm going to drop a new [what I'm quite sure is a] bombshell, in answer to 'What does the 'S' stand for?' - the S might stand for Sugar.

Of course, as mentioned, I respect and understand the reasoning behind the alternative theories, such as 'Sunny' and 'Sensible', but there is a link that I seem to have found, which MIGHT run across the Snicket-verse [one that, I feel, seems to have been a little bit overlooked]:

Sugar is an incredibly delicate subject to come up in A Series of Unfortunate Events.

This is CLEARLY seen in 2 main instances:

The Waitress is a woman who was employed in The Penultimate Peril, who had a customer that requested sugar in their coffee before she threw him onto the ground so she could see if he had a tattoo on his ankle. Much like last time (referring to her employment at Café Salmonella), she discovers that the customer had no such tattoo so she then apologized for her actions and offered a free slice of rhubarb pie for all his trouble. Her fate after the incident remains unknown, though even if she was the same waitress from Café Salmonella, her employment at both eateries were most likely terminated nevertheless.

(from the Snicket Fandom Wiki, under 'The Waitress' page)

“What is this?” Count Olaf said suspiciously, peering into his coffee cup. “It looks like coffee, but it’s freezing cold!” “And what is this orange stuff?” Esmé asked suspiciously. “I want fashionable, in food, not a handful of ice!” Colette picked up a piece of the bread and stared at it suspiciously. “This toast feels raw,” she said. “Is it safe to eat raw toast?” “Of course not,” Hugo said. “I bet that baby is trying to poison us.” “Actually, the coffee isn’t bad,” one of the white-faced women said, “even if it is a little bitter. Could someone pass the sugar, please?” “Sugar?” shrieked Count Olaf, erupting in anger. He stood up, grabbed one end of the blanket, and pulled as hard as he could, scattering all of Sunny’s hard work. Food, beverages, and dishes fell everywhere, and Sunny had to duck to avoid getting hit on the head with a flying fork. “All the sugar in the world couldn’t save this terrible breakfast!” he roared, and then leaned down so that his shiny, shiny eyes stared right into Sunny’s. “I told you to make a nice, hot breakfast, and you gave me cold, disgusting nonsense!” he said, his smelly breath making a cloud in the chilly air. “Don’t you see how high up we are, you sabertoothed papoose? If I threw you off Mount Fraught, you’d never survive!”

(An extract from The Slippery Slope, Ch 6)

Given the sheer force with which people [volunteers (the waitress) and villains (Olaf) alike] in the series (ASOUE) respond to any mention of sugar, who's to say that the people of All The Wrong Questions take any reference to sugar in the same manner (i.e. flip out like ASOUE people)?

Of course, this is axiomatic (a word which here means: we're assuming this to be true) but if it is, it could be the reason why Theodora is so very secretive about her initial - maybe it stands for Sugar, and she doesn't want to run the risk of anyone knowing; the recipient of the information may be a villain... OR, seeing as she's 52nd out of 52 chaperones (or something like that, it has been a while since I've read ATWQ), if she tells V.F.D. her name is Sugar, she's BOUND to get kicked out of the organisation.

¬ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph, Unfortunate Theorist/Snicketologist

P.S. I did get it right: On the list of chaperones, she is ranked 52nd of 52, though she believed she was ranked tenth

(Snicket Wiki)

[poisonheartfrog]

Julia's new portrait is giving waiter at Cafe Salmonella

[toxicanonymity]

beach walks

7k, Joel x f!reader; surf instructor Billy x f!reader. not in that order

night walks au A/N: Picks up right after beach walks prequel.

SUMMARY: Paths cross, and Joel can't let you go. WARNINGS: I8+ angst, infidelity adjacent if you squint, drugs, dubcon (drugs/location) p in v, somewhat possessive!joel, exhibitionism, homoerotic tension if you squint. cuck!billy but you also sit on his face.

Joel can't sleep. He stares at the ceiling and keeps drifting back to what he shouldn't have seen - you in the pool with Billy. Plus, he evisions you fucking on the beach, in the hotel, in that stupid shack. He's not happy about it, but you’re so damn hot. He can't help the way his body reacts. He keeps hearing that moan, fuck.

He figures out what helps him get back to sleep, and by the end of the night, he's used all the lotion in that little bottle. 

He wakes up for the last time around five. He showers and packs his bag. It's still dark when he goes for a walk on the beach. As the sky hints at sunrise, he stands with his fingers interlaced on the crown of his head and listens to the birds. He’s been doing his best, and it turns out his best sucks. On a sandbar, he finds a live starfish missing an arm and gently tosses it like a Frisbee back into the ocean. 

What is he doing? He could've left it all alone. 

He walks back to the hotel and gets a cup of coffee and a newspaper. He goes out on the cafe porch to read. There's a yoga class in view on the beach, and he looks to see if you're in it. Yeah, there you are. His stomach drops and his nostrils flare with a deep breath. You look great, but he can't see your ass. Right behind you, there's Billy. 

Why Billy? He's impossible to hate. At least he's also impossible to tame. No way it goes beyond this vacation. But if anyone can make him wanna change, it might be you. Joel used to think Billy had it made, but he's a lonely guy underneath it all.

—---you------

Four of you are eating breakfast at a table for six in the dining hall. You're sitting across from Billy.

“Can’t miss with Billy’s Bistro. Never burn the toast, never give ya salmonella . . .” 

“Salmonella?” Your friend Kari asks. “Was there an outbreak here?” 

Billy has a spoon in his mouth, but his eyes widen. He looks back and forth between all three of you as he slowly swallows his chia pudding, then says, “Explains the Groupon, doesn't it?” 

“Gross,” Kari pushes her plate away. 

Billy shrugs, then looks at you. “Billy’s bistro,” he mouths with a subtle sparkle in his eyes. His face softens, then comes to life when he looks behind you. 

“There he is,” Billy announces. 

You look back and do a double take. Your heart skips a beat, and your eyes widen. Joel gives you a nod of acknowledgement. 

He’s wearing swim trunks, and his thighs look massive. All of him does. Did the memories fade, or did he manage to put on 10 lbs of muscle in what, two months? His hair is longer – only an inch or so, but enough to curl. You can’t stop staring. Your face is cold and tingly.

“Have a seat, mate.” Billy uses his foot to push out the chair to his right, at the head of the table. He puts his hand on Joel's hulking trapezius as he sits down. 

“Joel Miller. This man is a legend,” Billy tells you.

You glance at your friends, and they're as shocked as you. They met Joel once, at the restaurant. 

“Taught me how to roll my first joint,” Billy says. “Now I can't even get’m to take a bong rip.” He turns to Joel. “That was some good shit ya brought, mate.”

“Yeah,” Joel says barely above a whisper, glancing at you.

“Hey Joel,” your friend Nahlah says. 

“Hey, Nahlah.” 

You had barely let him sit down to say hello at that restaurant. 

“So you know each other,” Billy concludes. “Brilliant! What a world.”

“Yeah, we know each other,” Joel subtly nods, looking at you. He looks tired.

“Do they know the new you?” Billy asks. 

“The new you?” you ask Joel. 

“Health nut.” Billy grabs Joel's arm, beaming. “Look at’m.” He turns his attention to Joel. “On the straight and narrow. Can't believe it.”   

“Really?” you ask Joel. 

Joel sighs and side-eyes Billy. “No. Just had to, kinda. . . get my life together for a minute.”

It’s a punch to the gut. Getting his life together meant dropping you? That’s where he went? Your face burns, and your nostrils flare. 

“Excuse me,” you tell the rest of them, and stand up with heat in your chest, determined not to make a scene.  

“Catch up later,” Billy says and reaches for you as you come around Joel’s chair. You lean in and he gives you a kiss on the cheek. You don't look back on your way out the door. 

—

You get down to the beach, take off your sandals, and walk, heading nowhere in particular. 

Soon enough, Joel is calling your name, jogging. You keep walking, but he catches up. He walks beside you in silence, between you and the ocean. You try to ignore the stride of his hulking form in your periphery. 

“Guess I don’t fit in your new life,” you mutter, then swallow the knot in your throat and put your shades on, even though it’s not sunny. You keep walking. 

“Yeah ya do, baby,” he reaches for your hand. The tenderness almost gets to you, but it’s out of nowhere. You just can’t. You cross your arms and slow your pace. 

“Guess I never did,” you mumble. 

“I’m sorry.” Joel looks at you. You keep looking down, taking slow, careful steps. 

“For what?” you ask, looking at the sand for an answer.

“Bein’ a fuckin’ idiot. Wrapped up in my own shit.” 

“What shit?” you ask. 

“I’ll tell ya everything, but–” 

“--But what?” 

“We’re supposed to head out in like (he looks at his watch) fuck. Like ten minutes.” 

You scoff. “Did something happen?”

“No—well, yeah.” He looks around then asks, “You okay?”

You don’t answer. 

“You looked happy,” he says, gesturing over his shoulder toward the dining hall. It sounds more like a question than an observation. Yeah, you were finally having a good time without him until he showed up. Now you’re confused, and mad at him for confusing you. 

You stop in your tracks and turn to face him and the water. “What happened? You couldn’t even text me?” 

The sky gets darker as thicker cloud cover creeps over the sun. “I should’ve,” Joel nods. 

You barely have the energy to walk. You sit down on the sand. He better tell you, right now, if there's any hope.

He swallows and looks down and away, then takes off his sunglasses and joins you on the sand.  “Got in my head,” he mumbles. “So many times, I was gonna. . .even walked to your door one night.” 

“.. .okay?” You wait for him to continue. 

“Thought ya might think I was lame, cause I wasn’t the same, I was. . .” 

“You were trying to get your life together,” you recite, genuinely trying to digest it for the first time. A tear falls out of your eye and you angrily wipe it away.

He shakes his head. “Never shoulda said it that way. I had somethin’ to take care of. Tell ya ‘bout it when we've got time” 

The lump is back in your throat, full force. He’s really gonna swoop in just long enough to make you sad, then leave you as confused as ever.

He looks dejected. “I know, I’m an idiot.” 

“So what do you want?” you ask. 

He looks at the sea for a moment. “To start over.” 

“Why?” you ask and wipe away more tears. Your voice becomes strained. “What do you regret?” 

“Nothin’, pumpkin. . . shit, I’m so bad at this.” He groans in frustration at himself. “And I know it, that’s why I. . .” he trails off and shakes his head. 

You glance at his eyes and curse yourself for a twinge of empathy.

He claws a handful of the dry sand between you into a little pile and mumbles, “You deserve better, always did.” He smoothes out the pile, then pivots to face more in your direction. “Look at me, pumpkin’. Please.” He reaches for your sunglasses. You pull back your head away and take them off yourself.  You turn and face him. He wipes his hand off on his shirt before brushing tears off your cheek with his thumb. “Only thing I regret is bein’ such a dick.” 

You begin to stand up, not wanting to feel him suddenly leave you again.  Once you’re standing, you cross your arms again. You dig the toes of one foot into the sand.  Joel’s hands gently engulf each of your elbows, and he gets as close as he can. You don’t pull away, but you don’t open up either. He hugs you anyway. 

God, his arms are huge. He holds you tight and breathes into your hair. He mutters, “Think about you all the time.” You let out a held breath, then his scent fills your lungs. A wave of affection threatens to break down your walls.

Your arms uncross on their own, and he hugs you with his body fully against yours. It feels like a warm mistake. It’s too late now. 

“Ya know, I would’ve done it with you,” you sniffle. “Whatever this lifestyle thing. . .” 

He whispers your name and hugs you tighter. He holds you for a minute, and you dab your eyes on his hulking shoulder. The weight of his arms is as soothing as his scent. This isn’t fixed, you tell yourself. You’re not going to pick up where you left off. If he invited you back to his room right now, you wouldn’t go. But somehow, you feel for him. You’ve never seen him anxious or vulnerable. He’s always been so sure of himself. So full of himself, but in a charming way.

You begin to pull away, still determined not to be the one who gets left. “Guess you’ve gotta go,” you mutter. 

He looks sad as he slowly drops his arms, running his hands down your back. “Talk when you’re home?”

You sigh and look at your feet. Your self-preservation instincts tell you to cut him off. Quit him while you can. While you have the upper hand. While he can’t hurt you worse than he has. “What can’t you say right now?”

“A lot,” he answers without missing a beat. He seems to glance at your neck, but you can’t be sure. 

You shake your head no. 

“Please. Then I’ll leave ya ‘lone if ya want.” His eyes shift away. Does he mean that? Your eyes cloud up again, and you put your glasses back on. 

“I dunno.” You walk back to the main building in silence and slip on your sandals on the way in.  Joel hugs you goodbye. It feels like he doesn’t want to let go, and you don’t want him to either. Your arms faintly itch as he walks away, and you brush off the sand.

—

After Joel leaves, your friends finish eating and emerge from the dining hall. 

“Where’s Billy?” you ask. 

“He has a lesson,” Nahlah says. 

-

You go back to your room and take a shower, trying to wash it all away, but Joel’s presence lingers, even as you turn off the water. You lie on your bed looking at the ceiling. Nahlah and Kari are on the other bed, watching ghost hunters on the free cable. 

“How was last night?” Kari asks. 

You sigh and mutter, “I need a nap.” 

“I bet you do,” Nahlah teases. 

You drift off, hoping everything will sort itself out while you dream. 

–

You sleep for hours and wake up alone, without the clarity you’d hoped for, except that you resent what Joel’s doing.  You’re already falling under his spell again, and you don’t like it.  It would be too easy for him to break your heart again. You know what could take your mind off it. 

-

You walk down to the shore, and Billy is finishing up a lesson. He sees you and nods toward the shack. You let yourself in and wait on the sofa, emo and increasingly horny. 

He comes through the door and takes off his long sleeves. He tousles his hair and stretches his neck with his hand on the tattoo. He takes a sip from a squeeze bottle, then asks, “You alright? What happened earlier?” 

“Nothing,” you rest your head in your left hand, with your elbow on the arm of the loveseat. 

“He’s a good guy,” Billy says, then looks at his watch and shifts gears. “Got fifteen minutes.” 

He joins you on the loveseat, then leans over you, pressing a kiss into your lips and pulling you closer. The kiss is loaded. You welcome his tongue, soothed by his touch, but your energy is gone. You’re practically catatonic compared to before. He kisses you for a few more seconds, then breaks away and asks, “You alright?” 

You nod and kiss him back, then reach for his shorts, cupping his semi-hard package. 

He breaks away and reads your eyes. “‘S’alright, love.” 

He pulls away entirely and slumps into the loveseat, using the opposite arm as a pillow. “C’mere,” he mumbles, and opens his arms. You lay face down on his warm, bare chest, beads of sea water transferring to your beach dress—through one of its crochet holes, a pierced nipple teases your skin.  

Billy holds you. You lie there, relaxed, one leg over his. A tear rolls out of your eye and onto his hot skin. “Shh,” He rubs your back for a few minutes, his chest rising and falling under you. His cock twitches against your thigh between his legs, and a shock of desire zaps through you. His hips lift slightly, just once, and your eyes flutter open. He sucks back his chin to look down at you, then his fingers lift your chin to look at him. You’re no longer crying at all. 

“There she is,” he murmurs, with his pupils widening before your eyes. He reads your eyes and glances at your lips. “Fucking gorgeous.” His face drifts toward yours, your neck extends, and his lips nudge your upper lip before your mouths come together. You prop yourself up with your forearm so neither of you has to strain your neck. The kiss starts languidly, then heats up and his hands come to your hips. As you kiss, his hips lift into you, and his cock hardens against your quad. As he licks into your mouth, you slowly grind on his thigh. He breaks away, searches your eyes, and whispers, “attagirl,” before claiming your lips again. With your limbs slotted together, you make out, grind, and quietly grunt.

For a while, your thoughts are gone, then Joel walks back into your head. You wonder how good he’d fuck you now, if he thinks it’s his last chance. Still moving on Billy’s thigh with your mouth half-connected with his, your breaths get heavy with desire. Would Joel be rough? Would he be tender? Would he be how he is so often–ravenous, but deliberate and appreciative of every inch of your body? You imagine his cock shoving into you and the way he’d sigh, yeah. 

Now you’re gushing wet, already about to cum. You break the kiss to moan, and Billy breathes, “Yeah, good girl.” He grinds against you and his hands move you on his bare thigh, now coated with your slick. “Fuck, that wet for me.” Not just for him, but, yeah, that wet. His cock has hardened against your hip. “Mmm,” he moans into your mouth as his lips take yours again. Joel’s a good kisser too. A little more forceful, but still smooth. You’re thinking about Joel being under you. Imagining the first time you were in Joel’s basement, when he pulled you into his lap so decisively. You’re on the edge of bliss, sliding on Billy’s thigh. You bite your lip, then moan. “Yeah,” Billy encourages you. 

When it’s clear you’re not quite there, Billy breathes, “Sit on me. C’mere.”

His mouth hangs slightly open, and his eyes are black with lust. You carefully lift your knee off the cushion between his legs, and the light touch of his hand helps you on top of him as he watches, spellbound. You lower yourself at just the right angle and moan at the first direct contact with the stiff shape in his shorts. Your eyelids are heavy. 

He lifts up the hem of your beach dress, and you take it off. He moans at the sight of your body. 

His lips remain slightly parted as his hips lift, grinding against you. He palms a breast, and you massage your other one. He begins to reach between you, fingertips sliding into his waistband, then looks behind you at the clock. “Sit on my face.” 

He scoots down to put his head flat on the cushion, and you rise off his shorts. He takes his cock out with a sigh and spits on his fingers as you knee walk forward. He spreads the spit on his cock and breathes vocally, eyes on your tits. You could swear you smell his precum. 

He unties your swimsuit bottom and lets half of it fall, leaving your slippery cunt bare. His palms on your ass bring you down, and his scruff drags against your inner thigh. His warm, humid breath envelopes your most sensitive place, then his lips make contact.

One hand leaves you to attend to his raging erection, and he grunts a short “mm” into your cunt at the relief. He laps at your entrance, licking upward, then latches onto the space just above that. He licks your clit, then sucks. He moans into the bundle of nerves, and your thighs tremble. He breaks away for short moments, breathing hot against your folds as he strokes his cock behind you. He eats you voraciously, and you whimper. He’s at just the right spot, doing just the right thing, and he keeps at it.

You brace your hands on the arm of the sofa and think about Joel looking up at you from between your legs. You take a deep breath and see stars. Your body twitches and you moan, riding your waves, with Billy moaning into your cunt. He gently laps at your entrance and strokes himself faster. As your climax wanes, you rise off his mouth, with Billy still stroking himself, not finished. He gathers slick from your folds, brings it to his cock, then pants pants, “How ‘bout another?” He begins to pull you back down.

“No,” you whisper, “that was perfect.” You allow him to keep you there, hovering over him. 

“Wanna ride?” His voice is shaky as he keeps pumping his cock behind you. 

“Not now,” you answer. 

He turns his head slightly, seals his lips on your thigh, and sucks. You reach down between your legs and grab hold of his damp, salty hair to pry him off. 

“Mmm,” he responds,“Yeah.” His strokes are heavier and so are his breaths. You experimentally tug at his hair again. He shudders, then paints his stomach in cum, with a warm squirt reaching your ass. 

He scoots out from under you and asks for the third time, “you alright?” 

You tie your swimsuit again and settle into the loveseat, face and chest still heated from your peak. “Yeah,” you nod. 

He fixes his swim trunks then prowls toward you to give you a gentle kiss and you taste yourself on his lips. “You’re tasty, love,” he murmurs, then pulls away. 

He puts on his rash guard, then points at you, “Aqua tonight.”  Right, his DJ thing. He gets off the loveseat and looks at the clock. “Before I forget,” He grabs his bag and unzips a front pocket that looks to be full of condoms and pill baggies. He turns his head to ask, “How many of ya?” 

“Three, I guess.” 

He rummages around, then holds up a little baggie with three pills. “Just a little X.” 

“Oh, I dunno if we’ll–” 

He shrugs. “Might try it.” He looks at the clock and mutters, “shit.”  

He presses the baggie into your palm and closes your hand. He holds up a few condoms and asks, “just in case?”. 

---Joel----

On the road, Tommy and Maria talk and listen to music. In the back seat, Joel looks out the window, or he wants to look out the window, but he looks at his reflection. He can’t shake the feeling of your warm tears wetting his shirt, or the image of you kissing Billy, or the glance at what he’s pretty sure was a hickey on your neck. He’d be surprised if it wasn’t after what he saw the night before. 

The further they get from the resort, the more Joel’s chest tightens. He takes out his phone to text you. He types, “I can’t leave you with him,” stares at it for a few seconds, then erases it. 

Who even is he anymore?  

Something clicks. 

At a stoplight, he says, “Stop at that gas station.” Tommy parks at a pump. They need gas anyway., “Open the hatch,”  Joel says. Tommy pops the trunk and gets out of the car to pump gas. Joel grabs his bag from the back and Tommy does a double take. 

“You goin’ back?” Tommy asks, not shocked. 

“Yeah.” Joel pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’ll find my way home.” 

“We can take ya back,” Tommy offers, nodding in the direction of the resort. 

“Nah,” Joel scratches the back of his neck. “Need the fresh air.”

He and Tommy share a brief, manly hug and pat on the back, then Joel walks off with his bag on one shoulder.

-

Joel’s coming for you. He might not have the right words, but he doesn’t need them. Never did. None of this was built on words. It was something unspoken under something physical and fierce. He pockets his phone and puts on his shades, walking with new resolve. There are things he wants to tell you, and some of them need words, but not all of them. The words can wait. They’ll come easier when you’re back where you belong. 

Two hours later, he’s back at the hotel. He smells his own sweat soaking through his shirt, and his phone’s about to overheat.

“Long time no see,” the receptionist says. 

“Yeah,” Joel mumbles without humor, then forces a smile. He gets a room, puts his things away, then heads out to find you. 

You’re not at the pool. You’re not in any of the common areas. 

He goes down to the beach, toward the surf lessons. 

-

Billy’s showing off for a customer. Joel sits in the sand and waits. He admires the way Billy moves in the water, resenting him at the same time. 

When Billy’s done, he walks up to Joel. Joel’s eyes fall on Billy’s swim trunks, then his mind goes to your hands, your mouth, your perfect cunt.  

Billy extends his hand, and pulls Joel up. He pats Joel’s arm, then lets him go. “Got some time if ya wanna catch a wave.” 

“Where is she?” Joel asks. 

“I dunno, mate. Prob’ly with her friends?” He motions for Joel to follow him to the shack. Years ago, Billy more or less offered Joel a handjob in that shack. Joel declined, and that was that. 

As they enter the shack, Billy unzips his quarter-zip long-sleeve top and pulls it off. He takes a sip of water, then wipes off his mouth. “So,” Billy starts. “What’s the story?” He turns up the water bottle again and it makes a high pitched sound as he sucks it. “Ex-lovers?” he asks with a smile. 

Joel’s jaw clenches. He takes a breath through his nose and calms himself. “Not ex.” 

Billy chokes on his water, then wipes his mouth again. “Does she know that?” 

Joel rakes his hand through his hair, at a loss. “That’s my girl,” he nods, heart pounding. 

“I don’t think she is, mate. Women aren’t property-” 

“-cut the crap, Billy.” Joel’s chest is heaving. 

Billy’s eyes fall to Joel’s right hand, which is flexing into a fist. 

“Hit me if it makes ya feel better,” Billy puts down the water bottle and braces himself in a welcoming stance. 

This fucker. No, Joel isn’t going to hit him. 

Joel forces himself to relax, puts his hands on his hips and shifts his weight, shaking his head at the floor. 

Billy lunges toward him, light on his feet as if he’s gonna sucker punch Joel. It’s playful, but Joel drops his shoulder and tackles him to the floor before he can get in a jab. 

On the floor, Billy fights back, eyes wild, but Joel’s too strong. He pins him with his left forearm on his chest, straddling him. 

Billy grabs Joel’s left tricep. “Look at that,” he marvels. “Unbelievable.” 

Joel looks into the blue eyes staring up at him and wonders if you’ve had this POV. For a brief moment, he’s tempted to slide his forearm up to his neck. Billy looks at Joel’s right hand which opens and shuts in the air, stretching.  

“I can take it,” Billy urges. “C’mon, knock me around.” 

Billy’s enthusiasm takes the wind out of Joel’s sails and brings him back to reality. He releases his forearm and sits back on his knees, still bracketing Billy’s hips. Joel slowly stands with a groan, then helps Billy to his feet. 

—- Later at Aqua —--

Billy has given you the closest VIP table. You and your friends are sitting there with a drink. He points at you from his DJ booth, which is on a raised platform. All three of you hold up your drinks and smile at him. 

Kari and Nahlah have had their eyes on a couple of guys who are finally approaching. It's a group of three. You decline to dance, so the third guy sits down to have a drink with you instead, shouting over the music, “HOW LONG ARE YOU IN TOWN?” You look past the man, and Billy is laughing, looking down at his mixer board. After indulging the man for another minute or so, you excuse yourself to the restroom, hoping the man will take the hint and disappear in your absence.

On the way to the restroom, you pass a couple of dark rooms with hall windows and suspect people might be fucking in there. The half-pill you’ve taken isn’t doing anything, but you know better than to double it just yet. 

When you come out from the restroom, the guy is still at your table. You curse him under your breath and head outside for some fresh air.

-

You duck out a door that’s propped open. Smokers are milling about. A few partiers are comforting a crying friend. You walk just far enough to get some space from that scene and the artificial light. You lean against the brick wall to breathe. The tiniest droplets of sea water tingle merrily on your face. You open your mouth and can taste it in the air. You fill your lungs and savor the breath. A buzz hums from your skin.

Your dress has a slit on one side and is long enough that you can lift your knee and rest one foot on the wall behind you without exposing yourself—but that wouldn’t be the end of the world anyway. You watch palm leaves rustle in the ocean breeze and look at the sky. There are more stars here than at home. Maybe you should take a walk. 

You’re still gazing into the sky when you notice someone in a colorful shirt approaching. They flick their cigarette away and it sparks. You smile, and as they come into focus, they turn into Joel. 

Are you rolling that hard after half a pill? You’ve still got your wits about you, don’t you? You watched Joel leave this morning, and you’ve never seen him dressed like this. The colors vibe perfectly on his silk shirt, and a gold chain sparkles underneath. His curls are fluffier than earlier. 

He slowly approaches and wets his lips when he’s a few feet away. His eyes rove your body. When he’s close enough, he rests his hand on the brick wall to lean over you. He smells like cloves. He looks tired. He leans a little closer, and you look him in the eyes. 

“Thought you left,” you mutter.

He shakes his head, and continues to gaze into your eyes. “Couldn’t do it.” 

You run a hand up his chest, palm gliding across his shirt. His chest is strong, and the fabric is like cool shaving cream under your fingers. In the back of your mind, you still have so many questions, but you don’t ask them. Not now. 

“You can be mad at me,” his brows knit and he nods twice. ”I deserve that.”  His eyes lock on yours.  “But I'm not gonna let ya go.” 

Your nipples harden with a chill, and your lips part.  

His gaze falls from your eyes to your lips, and you tilt your chin up. His eyes fall further, to your neck, and he inhales sharply through his nose. You turn your head the other way. Still braced on the wall, he nudges your chin so he can look at the bruising. You feel his heart rate quicken under your hand, and you slide your hand up to the cold sweat beading on his neck. 

His thumb brushes over the bruising. He brings his mouth and nose to the other side and grazes your sensitive skin with his nose. His tongue teases you and you shiver, then he plants his lips. He grunts softly as he marks you. His breath hits your wet skin as he lingers there to murmur, “Missed how ya taste.” 

He returns to the bruised side of your neck and licks the mark, tenderly, then harder. It’s sore, but you don’t react. For a moment, his lips lay plush and soft against your damaged skin. Then he opens his mouth wide. He scrapes his teeth, then plants his lips and sucks, and you try not to flinch but let out a little gasp. He tongues and sucks at it for almost five seconds before releasing you. 

He soothes the spot with the light touch of his lips, then kisses up your jaw, to your ear, where he murmurs, “What are you on, and how much?”

You tell him. 

“Should be fine,” he mutters to himself as he pulls his head back. 

“Why?”

He looks back and forth between your eyes. “Wanna make sure you remember.” 

You wet your lips and swallow. 

He’s close enough that his body heat enhances yours. His whole presence is a warm embrace. You half-heartedly try to conjure what you went through earlier—the hurt, the resolve not to let it happen again. You can’t find it under your affection, wonder, and empathy. Something tells you it’s going to be okay. 

He looks at your neck again. 

You open your mouth to apologize, but he cuts you off, “Shh.” He takes your hand and leads you back inside. 

-

It’s dark, minus the red and pink lights washing over the dance floor, which is crowded but not quite packed. He gets two soda waters from the bar, and you sit down in the VIP booth. He has his arm around you, caressing your shoulder. Soon, you have your legs in his lap, just happy to have him close. You reach into your dress for the small plastic baggie. Joel is watching the dance floor and idly stroking your leg as you pour the other piece of the pill into your hand. Some of it is powder by now. Joel’s eyes return just in time to see you put it on your tongue. 

He squeezes your chin to open your mouth, then, with the same hand, sticks two massive fingers between your lips to retrieve the pill. “You don’t need this,” he mutters, then sticks what remains of the pill in his mouth and takes a sip of water.  “What else ya got in there?” Joel feels you up through the fabric on and around your tits, and his eyebrows shoot up when his hand catches on something.

He shoves his hand down your dress and finds it tucked under your arm: a small, foil square. He turns it over and the clear backing reveals a glow-in-the-dark condom. He tosses it onto the table, then pulls you tighter against him. Your hip brushes a warm bulge in his soft black pants, and it twitches. These pants would be so easy to slip your hand into, you just know it. But before you can try, he brings his mouth to your ear. “C’mon, let’s dance.” 

-

On the dance floor, Joel stands behind you, and his heavy arms snake around your torso. He moves with you, with the music, and runs his palms over your dress. His dick hardens, and those silky pants leave nothing to the imagination as the vivid outline grinds against you. You lose yourself in his touch, in the soft rub of his cock, until you sense someone watching and glance toward the DJ booth. Billy smiles to himself and goes back to his mixing board. Joel shamelessly grabs your tit again. You’re already so wet for him.  In the corner of your eye, you see Billy still watching but pretend you don’t notice. 

“You’re so damn hot,” Joel growls right against your ear as he massages your breast and grinds against you with his arm crossing your body and one hand on your hip.  “Uggh,” he groans in arousal. He jostles behind you, adjusting his pants, then gathers the long skirt of your dress. He covers your ass with himself before the air has a chance to hit you. Then his hard, naked cock slides between your thighs. You gasp and look back. He kisses the side of your neck. You’re gushing all over him. Your thong is soaked through, and he’s sliding along your folds, hot and hard. He moans in your ear. His tip pushes the front of your dress out with every thrust through that warm, wet sleeve of your thighs against your cunt. 

Each pass of his tip makes you need him so bad. You turn your head back to say, “Let’s go somewhere.” 

“You want it?” he asks and slides out from your thighs, reaching down between you to put his dick away before letting your skirt down. 

You nod and begin to lead him to the restroom, but he firmly holds your elbow. You turn around and put your arms around his neck to plead, “Let’s go,” nodding toward the bathrooms. He grabs your ass and grinds against your front, raging hard.  He holds you close and you give up for the moment. 

He dips his head and noses your chin up. His lips brush a sore area, and you twitch. You slot your fingers into his curly locks, making him growl silently into your skin. "Joel," you sigh. "Let's go."

Either he doesn't hear you or pretends not to.  "Mmm," his hum vibrates into your skin. He pries his lips off your neck only to plant them on your mouth. Your tongues meet, and you need him, you really need him. Now. 

After a few seconds of bliss, you break the kiss to plead, "Let’s go." He reads your face and shakes his head no as a dim red light falls over you in passing. Your mouth falls open in protest. He grinds against you, letting his answer sink in. And in case there's any doubt, he brings his lips to your ear. "Gonna take it right here." 

He gathers the front of your dress. You swallow, stunned and throbbing in anticipation. 

He takes his cock out under your dress, then lifts one of your thighs, and you hook it around him. He keeps your raised knee against him. Your shoes are just the right height. He pulls your thong to the side and there’s no mistaking how wet and ready you are. Right away, he notches at your entrance. You tilt your hips. His fingers dig into your thigh and the plush of your ass. He plunges in with a grunt, pushing a gasp out of you as he divides your walls in what feels like slow motion. Your eyes flutter closed and your head falls back as his cock makes its place inside you. He holds you against himself, and your leg stays hiked up as he retreats, then begins to slide into you to the beat of the music. He brings his lips to your ear. “Ohh–good girl.”

You’d envisioned this every day since the last time and somehow forgot it was this good. He holds you close, his body flexing, expertly moving inside yours. You’ve missed this, you’ve really missed it. He grunts and moans into your hair, unrestrained. The music is loud enough. 

“Fuck, you’re hot,” he practically shouts, holding you by the ass and thigh as he fucks up into you. It’s a thrill being full of his cock in a sea of people. The song changes and you glance toward the DJ booth. Billy is looking right at you. Joel’s pace slows to match the new tempo. You melt into his arms with the perfect shape of his length dragging between your walls. Billy’s eyes smile, and he slowly nods. You catch him adjusting himself just below the DJ table which makes your walls twitch. You bite your lip. 

The grip of Joel’s fingers tightens, pressing firmly into your flesh. Billy’s hand is still below the mixing table when Joel turns your face back toward him and kisses you. Everything else fades away except his mouth on yours and his cock thrusting into you. The smooth slide of his tongue makes you twitch. His thrusts become sharper, deeper with the aid of his bruising grip, and your mouths break apart with labored breaths and moans. God, you’re wet, and only getting wetter. 

Joel searches your eyes as he thrusts into you. The lights wash over you again, and his pupils are wide. You gaze at each other, and you hold the back of his head, fingers tangling in his long curls as he slowly fucks you on the dance floor. There’s a glance from one or two dancers, but no one cares. 

You steal another glance at Billy, and he looks to be in a trance with his mouth hanging slightly open. He wets his lip and he closes his mouth, then runs his hand through his hair. You bury your face in Joel’s neck, and his familiar scent enhances everything. Pleasure is building more with each thrust of his cock making you whole. Nothing compares to this.

Joel grunts and sighs, and twitches. “Ohh, fuck,” he sighs. Is he going to come like this? God, he’s sexy. He tilts his head down and noses your nose so your chin tilts up and he finds your lips again. He kisses you sloppily, loosely, breathing and grunting, and the way he fills you up— shit, he feels good. Are you going to come like this? 

“Don’t let me fall,” you plead. 

He stares at your lips and his mouth draws yours in. He bottoms out and stays deep, moving in short pulses, holding you so your front grinds against his. 

You break the kiss to sigh, “Fuck.” You whimper against his lips as it overtakes you in slow motion. You don’t hold back. The moan rips out of your chest as your body clenches around his. You pulse, and your body spasms. He holds you tighter. “Ohh,” you moan.

“Oh, baby,” He pants. Each thrust is sharp. “Oh, fuck,” he bottoms out and groans as he pulses powerfully.  “Ohhh.” He holds you still as you milk his cock. “Ohh, gg–unghhh.” When he’s nearly spent, an air horn sounds.  Joel groans, and you both look toward Billy. He nods and gives a low thumbs up as the last of Joel’s cum dribbles into you. Joel laughs into your hair, “I’m gonna kill’m.”  

Joel dips his knees to let his cock slide out. He lets your leg down, then your dress, and fixes his pants. He holds you for a whole song. His cum dribbles down your thigh, and you don't even wipe it with your dress. 

“Let's get outta here.” 

- 

You look for your friends, and they're still with the guys from earlier. Joel waits as you go over and say goodbye. When you return, he puts his arm around you as you walk outside.

Outside, he hugs you as you wait for an uber.  The night has dulled your anxiety, but it’s still there somewhere, and it reveals itself as you think about spending the night with him.

“I still don’t understand,” you whisper.

“I know, baby. Ya will. Promise.”

“Can you just answer one thing?”  He waits for your question.  “Who drives a black Mercedes?” 

You pull back to watch him react.

“Black Mercedes. . .” His brow furrows and he searches the pavement for an answer.

“The SUV you were in.” 

“Oh, pumpkin’,” his face softens.  “Just my lawyer, baby.” He kisses you on the forehead, which pauses your thoughts and weakens your eyes. 

Your phone buzzes with a call from Kari, but the call cuts off. Kari hasn’t texted, but in your messaging app, there’s a new group thread with three unread:

“come over to mine,” Billy had texted minutes ago. Then, “key’s under the cactus.”

Joel had already responded, “not tonight.” 

---

---

---

if you want the lore about the surf shack in didn't years ago here it is

I'm watching the comments and rbs for what people are excited about and what people want to see 👀

Thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate your patience and support. Your love of night walks Joel and investment in these two makes me really happy. Love you guys 🖤

@silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @queerly-anxious @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime @fandomsfallnomore @djarinxore @blackvelveteen1339 @manazo @taeslarityy @str84pedro @lokanda  @kyloispunk @filthfairy @fieryglutenfreechickennoodles @harriedandharassed @moonlightdivine @worhols @fan-fiction-floozy @cutesyscreenname   @weddingfairy @pedropascal-whore @spideysimpossiblegirl @feministfanboi @prettypartyfavor @am-3-thyst @babeincolor @switchbladedreamz @within-the-depths @may-machin @sloanexx @paleidiot @yourmistysecret @bean-is-reading @rainstorms-library

[eternally-racing]

how do you like your eggs? | lando norris

pairing: lando x reader (w/ best friend Danny Ric) 

genre: fluff 

wc:1.2k

summary: Lando’s determined to show you how much you mean to him by cooking you breakfast, even if he is horrible in the kitchen.

— — — — 

“You’re being way too loud, mate, you’re going to wake her up.” 

There’s too much rummaging through cabinets as Daniel asks Lando if he can get his sifter out from the cabinets. It sure as hell would be a lot easier to find if Lando actually knew what a sifter was, but as a boy who’s gotten most of his meals delivered to him and has become a creature of habit for the select few that he does make on his own, it’s safe to say that he is an absolute menace in the kitchen. 

After your boyfriend Lando had last minute decided to go to Australia to visit Daniel, you received enough facetimes and text messages from him begging for you to come visit that you had finally caved to spontaneity and flew into Perth the night before. 

Lando was nothing but a gentleman, and he wanted to do something special to show his appreciation for you going out of your way to spend time with him. Every sacrifice that you make definitely does not go unnoticed, and in the little time that he has during the offseason Lando likes to make sure that you know how much he loves everything that you do for him. 

And somehow that led to his master plan of wanting to cook breakfast for you. He knew that he was no masterchef, but Lando had hoped that having his former teammate help him out in the kitchen would be enough. It started as a plan to make a full English breakfast. Then Lando realized that Daniel’s fridge looked like he hadn’t gone grocery shopping since the two of them were teammates, so the plan got switched to just eggs and homemade biscuits. And after two failed attempts at making dough for biscuits that had only led to a colossal mess on the kitchen countertops they finally settled for making just eggs. 

“There’s a really great breakfast cafe down the road, Lando. I’m sure Y/N would like that just as much as..” Daniel’s voice trails off as he looks at what he used to be able to recognize as his own kitchen “whatever this is that you’re doing.” 

Meanwhile, Lando is at eye level with his bowl of freshly cracked eggs as he is carrying out what he can only describe as a “rescue mission” to fish out the pieces of eggshell that have fallen into the bowl. 

“Shut up Daniel, it’s a labor of love, you wouldn’t get it.” He continues to pick out a concerning number of pieces of shell.

“More like a labor of salmonella” Daniel snickers as he leans against the counter. 

The Aussie is quick to jump out of the way when Lando throws a piece of shell at him and misses, only adding to the mess in the kitchen. Luckily, he’s saved by the bell when you finally stumble out of the bedroom, sleep still clouding your eyes. 

“Good morning sunshine!” Lando yells from the stove as he’s finally gotten into action cooking said eggs. 

With the promise that in 2 minutes there would be fresh eggs for breakfast, Lando guides you to sit at the table. You hadn’t realized until this moment that you’d never seen Lando cook at all, let alone cook for you. He was a great sous chef when he asked you to be, but you weren’t sure of his abilities when left to his own devices. 

“Breakfast is served!” Lando says as he lays the plate in front of you. You raise your eyebrows in surprise, biting your tongue to keep your initial reaction from slipping out. 

“They’re poached!” your boyfriend exclaims with a smile.

Lando looks so proud and there’s no way you can break his heart over what is certainly a non-edible, definitely not poached egg that he has placed in front of you. 

“Thank you, baby” you smile as you pinch his cheek.

You can see Daniel posed behind Lando wildly shaking his hands and mouthing “DO NOT EAT” as he watches you toy with the runny eggs in front of you. You would do anything for Lando, including eating an icky egg, so you pick up your fork and dig in.

It’s definitely still raw, which you expected from its appearance, but there’s subtle hints of vinegar and sugar and something spicy that feels especially vile on your tongue. Your best attempt at a poker face cracks near the end as you try to swallow, but you’re quick to try and cover it up. 

“Wow, you did something really special with these Lan” you say, choosing your words very carefully as you try to wash out your mouth with a non-suspicious amount of water. 

Lando offers to try them and you figure there’s no point in stopping them as he piles some egg onto a spoon. You swear it barely even touches his mouth before he spits it back out right onto the plate. 

“Oh my god - you swallowed that??” The British boy doesn’t even dare to put his tongue back into his mouth as he tries to brush the taste off his taste buds. You can’t help the giggle that bubbles up inside you as you and Daniel start to keel over in laughter. 

“Mate - you let me serve this to my girlfriend?? I could have killed her or something with this!” Lando turns to Daniel in his rage.

The Aussie is laughing and is trying to rationalize that the egg is probably not deadly as he continues to gasp for air. It’s Lando who makes the next move to grab the plate and dump it in its entirety in the garbage.

“That’s a porcelain plate, Lando!” you exclaim from where you’re sitting. 

“”Please, it’s probably a biohazard at this point. I  think I owe Daniel an entirely new kitchen at this point anyways, so he can just add this to my tab.” Lando jokes as he pulls you towards the bathroom, gesturing towards the mess on the counters as you both walk away.

“Lando, she’s so in love with you because you couldn’t pay me to eat that shit.” Daniel says as he watches the both of you share the bathroom trying to brush the vile taste off your tongues with your toothbrushes.

Lando keeps the toothbrush in his mouth as he goes to wrap his arms around your waist, something that has you shrugging away since you’re pretty sure he’s drooling on your shoulder, and you tell him exactly that. From the side Daniel can’t stop laughing as he stares at you two. 

The British boy stays attached to you as he leans over to spit out his toothpaste, mumbling something you can’t quite understand.

“ I sdflksnjo sdlkgsnd” 

You almost choke on your spit listening to Lando’s babbling as you hunch over to do the same in the sink. 

“I was trying to say that I’m so lucky to have you baby. I love you.” 

You can't help but smile against Lando’s lips as you pull him in for a kiss. There’s still a vague taste of vinegar and egg that you know will linger for a little too long, but more than anything, he tastes like love.

---

author's note: this was just something fun and sweet inspired by Lando's recent interview about his Australia trip! Thanks for all the love :) Until next time! - Em 🤍

[aceyalonso]

F1 drivers if they were on the r/AITAH subreddit

drivers : oscar piastri, lando norris, charles leclerc, lewis hamilton, carlos sainz, max verstappen, george russell, franco colapinto

warnings/notes : jos verstappen 🤮

a/n : i know i said i was on hiatus but c'mon this was such a fun idea

main masterlist | taglist form

So this might sound weird, but here goes. My girlfriend and I (both 23) love visiting new places, and she’s a big animal lover. She found this adorable cat café nearby and has been talking about going for weeks. I wasn’t as excited but figured it’d be fun to surprise her, so I booked us a spot and thought I’d try to make it extra special.

Here’s the thing: I wanted to be "that guy" who shows up with a bag of cat treats so all the cats would flock to us. It sounds ridiculous, but my goal was to make her day. When we got there, I pulled out the treats and instantly had a few cats’ attention. My girlfriend laughed, but within a few minutes, an employee came over, looking annoyed, and told me I couldn't give the cats treats from outside.

Apparently, they have specific diets or something, and I was "interfering." I apologized, put the treats away, and thought that was the end of it. But soon after, another employee came up, saying we were being "disruptive" because all the cats were lingering around us, and they even hinted we might need to leave if it didn’t stop. I hadn’t meant to cause a scene and told them it wasn’t a big deal—we’d stop and just hang out like everyone else. But by this point, my girlfriend was pretty embarrassed, and it killed the vibe of our day.

We left a bit earlier than planned, and now my girlfriend thinks it was a bit of a jerk move, even though she appreciated the effort. I didn’t mean to upset anyone or break the rules, just thought it’d be fun to make the cats a bit more social. But now I’m wondering if I messed up by not sticking to the café’s way of doing things.

So, AITAH?

Edit: I’ve learned my lesson. I will never underestimate the dietary regulations of a cat café ever again.

So, I (24M) have this bad habit of forgetting what’s in my fridge. A while ago, I bought some chicken, but I totally forgot about it, and it just sat there for months. I was cleaning out my fridge the other day and found the chicken at the back, and it still looked fine to me—didn’t smell bad, didn’t look weird—so I thought, "Why not? It’s still good."

I cooked it up, had a nice meal, and didn’t think much of it. But then, later that night, I told my mom about it (thinking she'd just laugh), and she completely freaked out. She went on this whole rant about food safety, salmonella, and how I could’ve poisoned myself. I was just like, "It tasted fine, mom, calm down."

She kept texting me all night asking if I felt okay, if I was getting any stomach pains, and even called a few of my friends to check in on me. Honestly, I’m fine—nothing happened, and I feel perfectly normal.

But now she’s upset with me, saying I’m being careless and that I should never eat food that old, even if it seems fine. I just didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. I mean, people eat leftovers all the time, right? It wasn’t even that old.

So, AITAH for eating chicken that’s been in my fridge for 9 months and making my mom worry unnecessarily?

Edit: Just to clarify, I didn’t intentionally keep it for 9 months. I honestly just forgot about it in the back of the fridge. And no, I’m not sick. Everything’s fine. I promise I won’t be eating anything old again anytime soon!

I (27M) have a dog, Leo, who’s basically my best friend. He’s super friendly and well-behaved, and honestly, I just feel better when he’s around. I bring him everywhere I go – to cafes, parks, and friend gatherings. You name it, Leo’s there. Most people are fine with it because he’s adorable and loves everyone.

Recently, though, my friends have started making comments about it. Last weekend, we met up at this small, cozy café for brunch, and I brought Leo along. He just curled up next to my chair and didn’t bother anyone. But my friend Paul pulled me aside afterward and said it was kind of annoying that I kept bringing Leo without asking. He said not everyone wants a dog around all the time, and it’s “getting old.”

I don’t understand where this is coming from, especially since Leo’s never caused any problems. I figured since no one had said anything before, they were fine with it. Plus, I’m always careful to keep him out of people’s way, and he’s honestly better behaved than most dogs I know. I feel like they’re making a big deal out of nothing, but now I’m wondering if maybe I should have checked with everyone first.

So, AITAH for always bringing my dog? Should I have asked before assuming everyone was okay with it?

Edit: Just for context, Leo’s a small dog – not the type to jump on people or bark a lot. He just sits quietly and naps most of the time. Also, I’ve always cleaned up after him when necessary, so he hasn’t left any “souvenirs” for anyone to deal with.

So, I (39M) have this friend, Nico (also 39M), and we’ve been friends since we were kids. We’re both super competitive by nature, and we tend to push each other a lot. Whether it’s video games, sports, or even something like mini-golf, everything somehow turns into a competition between us. It’s mostly just for fun… until recently.

A few weeks ago, we were at a friend’s birthday party, and they had one of those racing setups in the living room. Of course, Nico and I immediately challenged each other, and we both got really into it. I mean, I might’ve been trash-talking a bit (okay, maybe a lot), but we were both laughing, so I didn’t think it was a big deal.

Well, I ended up beating him by a fraction of a second, and I might’ve celebrated a bit too enthusiastically—think victory lap around the living room, calling him out in front of everyone, the whole deal. After that, Nico got pretty quiet and didn’t talk to me much for the rest of the night. Later, a mutual friend told me that Nico felt like I was “rubbing it in,” and it embarrassed him.

Now I feel bad. I honestly thought we were just having fun and didn’t realize he’d take it so personally. I tried to apologize, but he just brushed it off and hasn’t really been himself around me since.

So… AITAH for taking things a bit too far with my friend, or was it all just part of the usual friendly rivalry?

Edit: We’ve always had this kind of back-and-forth, so I’m not sure why this time it got to him. Just thought I’d get some outside perspective before I bring it up with him again.

Okay, I know this sounds insane, but hear me out. I (30M) love making pancakes, and I’m pretty proud of my recipe. It’s become sort of a tradition to make them for my family when I visit my parents. They’re always really nice about it and say they love them, but... I’m starting to think they’ve just been too polite.

A few weeks ago, I was at my parents’ house and decided to whip up a big batch of pancakes for breakfast. My mom and dad both had seconds, and I thought it was a win. But later that night, my mom started having really bad stomach pains. We took her to the hospital, and she ended up needing surgery for appendicitis. It was a scary experience, but thankfully, she’s okay now.

Here’s where it gets weirder. Just a few days after my mom came home from the hospital, my dad started having the same symptoms. At first, we joked that it was sympathy pains, but he ended up in the ER too, with the exact same issue—appendicitis.

Now my whole family is convinced it was my pancakes. I know logically that my cooking can’t cause appendicitis, but I can’t help but feel responsible because they both got sick right after eating my breakfast. My parents keep joking that they’re never eating my pancakes again, and my siblings have been giving me a hard time about it, saying I’m banned from the kitchen.

So, AITAH for giving both my parents appendicitis with my cooking, or am I just an unlucky chef?

Edit: Just to clarify, I don’t actually think I gave them appendicitis, but the timing is very suspicious, and now my parents are scared of my pancakes. I might need a new family recipe...

So, I (27M) have two cats (Jimmy & Sassy), and they’re pretty much my babies. They’re super affectionate with me but can be a bit picky about who they like. My dad (52M), on the other hand, isn’t exactly a "cat person." He’s more of the “why do you have pets that don’t do anything useful?” type, but he still visits often and tolerates them because he knows they’re important to me.

The other day, my dad came over, and as usual, my cats were lounging on the couch. He decided to sit down and give them a little nudge to move over, but instead of just shuffling away, one of my cats (Jimmy) swiped at his face. It wasn’t a deep scratch, but it was enough to leave a red mark and get my dad pretty annoyed. I couldn’t help but laugh a bit because he was acting all grumpy about it, muttering something about "those spoiled cats."

He got even more annoyed when he saw me laughing and said I should discipline my cats better and not let them scratch people. I tried explaining that cats are territorial and react like that when they’re suddenly pushed, especially by someone they’re not used to. I offered him a band-aid, but he refused and ended up leaving earlier than planned.

Now my mom is telling me I should’ve been more sympathetic and that I should’ve scolded my cat instead of laughing. But honestly, I feel like it was just a normal cat reaction, and my dad knows how they can be. So now I’m wondering, AITAH for laughing when my cat scratched my dad’s face instead of taking it more seriously?

Edit: Just to clarify, my cats don’t usually attack people. They’re very cuddly with me and my friends, but my dad’s not around them enough for them to be comfortable. I’ll definitely make sure he approaches them differently next time... if he ever wants to come back!

So, this might sound a bit weird, but hear me out. I (26M) work at this company, and my boss, "Toto" (52M), and I have a really good relationship. We get along great, share a lot of common interests, and he’s been a bit of a mentor to me. We hang out outside of work sometimes, and every now and then, I’ll stay over at his place after we have dinner or watch a game, just because it’s more convenient.

Recently, my friends found out about this and started making fun of me, calling it “sleepovers” with my boss. I laughed it off at first, but they’ve started saying it’s kind of weird and unprofessional to be that close with your boss. They’re acting like I’m trying to suck up or get some kind of special treatment, but that’s honestly not the case. I just enjoy his company, and we have a good time hanging out.

The thing is, I never really mentioned it to my friends before because it just didn’t seem like a big deal. I figured if I told them, they’d blow it out of proportion (which is exactly what’s happening now). But now they’re saying it’s odd that I didn’t bring it up sooner and that it’s kind of strange to be having “sleepovers” with someone who’s technically in charge of me at work.

So, AITAH for not telling my friends that I sometimes crash at my boss’s place, or are they just overreacting?

Edit: For context, it’s not like I’m staying there every weekend or anything. It’s maybe once a month if we’re having a late night and it’s easier than going all the way back to my place. Plus, he’s got a massive guest room, so it’s not like I’m sleeping on the couch or something. It’s just a practical arrangement

Okay, so I (21M) have a bit of a problem, and I’m honestly not sure if it’s even a problem or just something I can’t control. I’ve noticed lately that whenever I’m doing interviews or talking to reporters, I end up coming off as flirting with them, even though I’m not trying to at all.

I’m naturally a friendly person, and I like to joke around and be engaging. But I’ve had a few reporters (and even some photographers) tell me after interviews that I’ve been “charming” or “too smooth” with them. Some of them even hinted that I was “leading them on.” The thing is, I don’t even notice it happening. I just talk to them like I would anyone else, but apparently, I’m making it seem like I’m flirting—without even trying!

One reporter even gave me her number after an interview, and when I asked if she was just being friendly, she said, “You were a little more than friendly.” I was totally confused because I thought we were just having a good conversation about racing. Now I’m worried that I’m giving the wrong impression to people without meaning to, and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make things uncomfortable.

So, AITAH for accidentally flirting with reporters and leading them on when I really don’t mean to? Should I tone down my "natural charm"?

Edit: Just to clarify, I’m not trying to flirt with anyone, reporter or not. I’m just being myself, but it seems like it’s coming off differently than I intended. It’s a bit awkward now, and I’m wondering if I should change how I interact in interviews.

taglist

@nepobbylver @wobblymug @xoscar03 @irishmanwhore @nitiii

@livsturnioloo @lilorose25 @si1ver06 @zestytimbit @morgrinha

@callsignwidow

[flwoie]

HE’S POISON — P. JS.

ANCHOVIES — COMMON AND BAIT

JAY — larkspur cafe’s best culinary student who has a running title for best volunteer of the month since first year

JAKE — jay’s emotional and prob physical support

HARUA — the volunteer who trains new volunteers

TAEYOUNG — known for his charming looks and humorous personality, he’s the mood maker in the group

JISUNG — that one guy who everyone knows but doesn’t know his name

JO — he’s either chopping beef or washing dishes with taeyoung

prev ☁︎ next | POISON

─── ☁︎ Delphinium Academy is Korea’s prestigious high school, it’s well known for its massive cafeteria with delicious selections every day. It’d be a blessing to get food there. So when you, a culinary prodigy, are accepted into their culinary course, it means free food and a cool uniform. To Jay, Delphinium’s best volunteer, having a culinary mastermind work with him is his biggest fear. So to prevent you from laying a finger on his kitchen, let’s just say you got salmonella and a rivalry between the both of you. 

☁︎ rival! culinary student! jay x f! reader smau romcom

☁︎ taglist is open ; send an ask or comment under main mlist

[ 🏷️ ] @hanniluvi @giantkeroppi @haruavrse @mrchweeee @tocupid @oldjws @taejays @cholexc @yenqa

[hyacinths-in-a-storm-writes]

Day 7- Cafe

(Azula x Ty Lee)

You can also read it here on ao3

TW: Slight Allusion to Cannibalism, and a sorta toxic Azula

Azula leaned her forearms onto the counter, shifting her weight from foot to foot. Working six hours on her feet was never a good feeling, made even worse when dealing with passive-aggressive or downright rude customers. The door opened, and Azula cursed under her breath before straightening herself back up and smiling widely, she just had one more hour.

The girl that walked in was a regular. Ty Lee was her name, Azula’s smile softened slightly just looking at her.

“The regular, Ty Lee?” She would never admit it, but Azula rather liked Ty Lee. She was always bubbly and happy, which would usually annoy Azula, but Ty Lee was always so genuine and sweet with everything she said, that hating her would be like hating a puppy.

“Yes please, and I’ll try a strawberry pastry today as well.” she smiled, pulling out her card.

“So, Azula, are you free this weekend?” Ty Lee asked during the silence that followed. Azula stared down at the counter below her trying hard not to smile.

“Why? Are you trying to ask me out?”

“Maybe, if you’re up to it.” she started tapping her finger nervously against the table, Azula stayed silent for a second, just to watch her squirm.

“Yes absolutely, would the park work for you?” She watched Ty Lee let out a long breath,

“Of course, anywhere with you would be perfect.” she responded, and Azula’s heart melted slightly. Not only was she going on a date with a pretty girl, but she could also skip out on a shift at the Jasmine Dragon. Perks of having your uncle as your boss she supposed.

“I admit, I was really nervous admitting that to you, my stomach was all in knots. I think I’m actually hungry now, could I get one of the sandwiches?” Azula’s hand froze over the screen. She hadn’t yet pressed the means of payment, she very well could give her it.

“Sorry, I don’t think I can. Maybe next time?” Azula tried to look as apologetic and bashful as she could, but Ty Lee waved it off.

“Next time, I’ll see you this weekend, Azula.” she waved before wandering to the same exact table by the window she always sat at. Azula let her gaze linger on Ty Lee for a little longer before pulling herself away to make her drink.

It wasn’t that they were out of meat, or even that the meat that they had was going bad. In fact a fresh shipment arrived just this morning. But there were some things that were more dangerous than Salmonella or even E.Coli. Take Prion’s disease for example, it would do Azula no good if her future girlfriend slowly lost her mind and died before she could even pop the question to her. She supposed that’s the risk she ran having her future partner visit her at a cannibal cafe. She finished off Ty Lee’s drink, thinking about how if they ever moved in together, Azula would need to be careful to separate their meats, and more than that make sure Ty Lee never found out about her family's peculiar eating habits.

She moved to call out Ty Lee’s name, but found her waiting at the counter, her receipt in hand,

“I realize that you didn’t have my number yet, so I wrote it on the back.” she held out the paper for Azula to take it. She scanned over the numbers already having known them since Ty Lee first left the doors of the Jasmine Dragon. Still, she graciously took the numbers, thanking her until she walked out the door. She folded the receipt to take home and tuck into her drawer, where she would inevitably forget it. She wouldn’t mean too, but who knows? Maybe in a year when Ty Lee would help her clean out her room, they would find the note and laugh about how awkward they had been to each other the first time they had ever met each other.

~

Azula checked her watch again, hoping she didn’t get the time wrong, or worse the date. Someone tapped on her shoulder, and Azula craned her head to see who it was. Ty Lee was smiling sheepishly at her, holding a single rose in her hand.

“Sorry, I was half-way here, but realized I didn’t have anything to give you, so I took a detour to the florist.” she explained, tucking back strands of stray hair. “You would never believe how busy they were today, I had to fight a dude sobbing on the phone to both his wife and his girlfriend, just to get this rose.”

“Sounds blood-thirsty, I’m glad to see that you made it out in one piece.” Azula said, feeling bad that she hadn’t thought of bringing anything. She would have to make that up with a free drink next time she came over.

“Of course, I wouldn't have missed this for the world.” she grinned, flashing her identical dimples. Azula had a bad feeling that those two dimples would win her over in any argument. She held out her hand for Ty Lee to take. She smiled, praying that there were no remains of her bloody dinner last night. She had brushed her teeth at least twenty times, but now she was starting to wonder…

Ty Lee didn’t seem to notice anything different about her though, and took her outstretched hand, leading her somewhere. Fittingly she takes her to a cafe. Everything the Jasmine Dragon is, this one is the opposite. Cats lounge comfortably everywhere, the walls are a soft shade of purple, and the place is alive with the chattering of people who came there to meet loved ones. Not old people who’d rather play Pai Sho with Uncle. It’s a fresh breath of air to Azula, to be among people who were born within the same generation and weren’t related to her. Not that there are many opportunities when your main food staple is those other people. Another reason to keep Ty Lee close. They take a seat next to the window and Azula watches Ty Lee order something she didn’t quite catch. She admired her soft face, the bobbing of her throat as she swallowed before she spoke, the soft pink flesh of her tongue, as flicked in between her white teeth. If she could, she would stay in this moment forever. As it was, one evening would have to do.

Disclaimer: I do NOT condone cannibalism, it's just a certain niche interest I have a lot of information about, and like exploring in fiction

[asouearchitecture]

an attempt at Cafe salmonella

[snicketsquadron]

The Perilous Path

For @canonfoddcr

When one threw herself into danger as often as Kit Snicket did, it was inevitable that the danger would win. There was always the chance of the stunt she couldn’t pull off, the enemy getting lucky, the mission failed.

Kit’s work had brought her back to the city, and Dark Avenue. Not 667, but 141- the Veritable French Diner. She’d expected to receive a message from the waiter. But as soon as she’d spoken the code phrase, it had turned into a brawl with the waiter and a disguised chef, and Kit had ended up tied and locked in some kind of pantry while the building was set on fire. It took some effort to escape her bonds and the impromptu cell. She then probably spent too much time trying to fight the fire before realizing it was a lost cause and fleeing. That was bone-deep VFD training. It was nearly impossible to simply let a fire burn.

Kit tried to take stock as she dragged herself, coughing, through the tunnels. There were rope-marks on her arms and legs, and bruises just about everywhere. Her left knee was badly swollen and she couldn’t tell if it was broken or not. She probably shouldn’t have been walking on it, but the celery and tomatoes hadn’t exactly provided suitable materials for fashioning crutches. She had a cut on her back at the right shoulder that was too shallow to be deadly but deep enough to bleed. She felt nauseous and couldn’t be sure if that was smoke inhalation or a head injury. Her swimming vision made the signs hard to read, but she could navigate these tunnels by muscle memory alone. The question was where to go? There were less and less safe places left in the city. The Baudelaire mansion- gone The Quagmire mansion- gone 667 Dark avenue- still standing, but unsafe Cafe Salmonella- controlled by the enemy Veritable French Diner- currently going up in smoke

The next best thing she could think of was Valorous Farms Dairy, and that was outside of city limits. But the walk wouldn’t get any shorter, so she headed in that direction. She made it as far as being underneath the Fountain of Victorious Finance in the city’s banking district before her body gave out- or gave in? Her last thought as consciousness slipped away was that those two opposite phrases shouldn’t have meant the same thing.

[pestcontrolau]

Creating a Fly-Free Zone- The Benefits of Professional Outdoor Fly Control

Aussies love spending time under the sun. But unwelcome guests – flies – can quickly turn a pleasant experience into a swatting frenzy. This is where the concept of "Fly-Free Zones" comes in. Professional outdoor fly control isn't just about aesthetics; it's about creating a healthy and enjoyable environment for everyone.

The High Cost of Flies

Beyond the annoyance factor, flies pose a significant health risk. They can transmit a variety of diseases, including E. coli, Salmonella, and giardia, through contaminated surfaces and food. In areas with food service or alfresco dining, this can be a recipe for disaster.

Flies also inflict economic damage. They can damage crops, reduce tourism appeal, and disrupt customer experience in outdoor businesses like cafes, restaurants, and resorts. Studies have shown a direct correlation between fly presence and decreased customer satisfaction.

The Benefits of a Fly-Free Zone

Investing in professional outdoor fly control offers a multitude of benefits:

Enhanced Enjoyment of Outdoor Spaces: Imagine relaxing on your patio or having a backyard BBQ without the constant buzzing and fly-swatting. Professional control creates a peaceful and enjoyable environment for you and your guests.

Improved Hygiene: Fly control significantly reduces the risk of disease transmission by minimizing fly populations and their access to breeding grounds. This is especially crucial around food preparation and dining areas.

Protection of Property: Flies can damage ornamental plants and even lay eggs on surfaces. Professional treatments target these pests, protecting your property from their unwelcome activities.

Peace of Mind: Knowing your outdoor space is protected from flies allows you to relax and enjoy the outdoors without worry.

Professional Solutions for Lasting Results

DIY fly control methods often prove ineffective and short-lived. Professional companies utilize various methods to tackle the fly problem effectively:

Targeted Sprays and Insecticides: Applied by trained professionals, these treatments target adult flies and disrupt their breeding cycles.

Fly Traps: Strategically placed traps lure and eliminate flies, preventing them from becoming a nuisance.

Habitat Modification: Professionals identify and address fly breeding grounds, such as garbage areas and stagnant water.

By partnering with a reputable pest control company, you can establish a preventative program that keeps your outdoor spaces fly-free throughout the year.

Source - https://aupestcontrol.blogspot.com/2024/07/creating-fly-free-zone-benefits-of.html

[icarpetcleanandpestcontrolau]

Mount Gravatt Pest Control

Mount Gravatt is a suburb that offers a mixture of some of Brisbane’s best modern Australian houses and beautiful picturesque Queenslanders that have stood the test of time. The suburb has a great community spirit with the annual Mount Gravatt Show and Fair being a highlight. It also has great educational facilities with the Mount Gravatt Campus of Griffith University. As a result the suburb is well serviced by the local community with an array of cafes, restaurants, and shops. There is even a lookout at the top of Mount Gravatt that offers excellent panoramas of Brisbane city.

Like most suburbs in Brisbane the majority of homes are made from timber. This makes them very appealing to termites who love warm moist climates. There is a high incidence of termite attack in the Mount Gravatt area and homeowners should have annual termite inspections to monitor for termites and prevent costly termite damage.

A termite inspection from a licensed pest control professional will help to identify any termite activity at your property. A good pest control professional will be able to offer you advice on preventing further termite attacks and may suggest the installation of a termite barrier around your property.

The cost of a pest treatment depends on the size and condition of your home, the extent of the infestation and the number of entry points to the property. Larger homes will require more extensive pest treatments than smaller properties. The location of your property is also important as some pests, such as ants, are more active in the garden while others live inside your home and can cause structural problems.

There are many different pests in Australia including cockroaches, rodents, fleas, ticks, spiders and flies. They can cause a range of diseases and health issues from respiratory conditions to skin rashes and joint pains. Keeping your home free of these pests is the key to maintaining a healthy environment.

General pest control involves eradicating cockroaches, mosquitoes, flies, lizards, and other small critters through the use of permitted insecticides. It also includes the removal of any droppings or nests from pests in and around your home.

Pests such as rats, mice, birds, flies and mosquitoes can carry a variety of diseases that can affect humans. They can spread disease either by biting people or through their droppings and excrements. Mouse droppings can lead to Salmonella and leptospirosis, while rat and bird droppings can cause respiratory problems. Flies and mosquitoes can cause a variety of health issues from food poisoning to Dengue fever.

A Pest Control MT Gravatt maintenance program can help to prevent pests from entering your property in the first place. An experienced Pest control company will visit your premises and identify any potential problem areas such as leaking gutters, blocked drains, leaking roof tiles or cracks in walls. This will help to reduce the number of pests in your home or workplace and keep them away for longer.

iCarpet Clean and Pest Control will take care of everything your needs in Carpet Cleaning and Pest Control Services in Australia. Call our team today to book and Carpet cleaning and pest control Brisbane, Logan, gold coast or anywhere else come with various challenges which our experts are trained to handle.ro a great choice for those who need fast and effective water damage restoration.

[ray-theoretical-trucker]

cafe salmonella.

day 3. the city.

i couldn't think of anything so i made this Cafe from the netflix series.

it's the part of woevember, an asoue fanwork event by @asouefanworkevent ☆

[and-a-stolen-object]

I have decided that the reason Jacques almost hit Olivia with his taxi is because he was driving by cafe salmonella saw Larry in his fish outfit and couldn’t for the life of him stop laughing. He took his eyes off the road, he was crying tears of laughter and then saw he was gonna hit Olivia so he slammed the breaks. No one can convince me overwise...

unless you have solid evidence then I might be swayed...

[mayor-nicola]

Did somebody say Cafe Salmonella?!?

Despite how busy I’ve gotten as of late, Snicket is going to have a deep autumn DA update. As a bonus, I’ve added one of my favorite things from the books, this bizarre salmon-themed cafe.