#c: jakoby smith

[nick-writes]

“Don’t stress.” 

“That’s the most useful advice you’ve ever given me, Jak.” 

“C’mon. Everyone’s gonna give me shit about my hair, and they’re gonna love you.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Nuh-uh, you can’t say that til after reunion.” 

“Okay, but you can’t get more than five feet away. And you have to text me the name of the person I’m talking to.” 

“And for my next trick, we’re gonna hold hands.”

“….I can do that.” 

[themyscrian]

honestly Bright is rly awkward cuz you keep expecting Will Smith to have a character arc and he just… doesn’t

like they waste 20 mins at the start beating us over the head with the concept that everyone, including Scott (Will Smith), is racist against orcs, and that Scott has a personal grudge against Jakoby (Joel Edgerton) b/c Jakoby let the orc who shot him get away. but later in the movie Jakoby explains why he let the shooter escape, and Scott only just backs down from actually shooting Jakoby in cold blood. then Jakoby spends the rest of the runtime proving his loyalty to Scott over and over, and Scott keeps being an asshole to him no matter how many hoops he jumps through then in the last 10 mins he agrees with Jakoby’s offhand statement that they must be part of some kind of prophecy, picks up a magic wand, and is one of the few people on the planet who can hold it without exploding apparently. while it was a latent ability the whole time, it’s still part of Scott’s journey as a character, and it really doesn’t feel earned as part of his narrative arc. he starts as a self-centered, racist douche who hates his partner, and ends as a self-centered, racist douche who constantly rags on his partner, and somehow that ‘progression’ is meant to make the audience feel like he earned the ability to wield a magical nuclear weapon

meanwhile Jakoby starts as a self-hating cop determined to bury his identity issues in police work, and over the course of the movie discovers his self-worth and manages to come to terms with his Orcish heritage and become accepted by them socially. he just gets to rest easy knowing one group of orcs likes him now.

one of these characters comes close to ‘earning’ world-ending magical abilities and it really isn’t Scott. even if it was meant to be a ham-fisted white privilege metaphor, that’s bad writing, movie.

[theraphos]

Having finished watching Bright, here's my trip report: -Will Smith's character is an asshole to all magical creatures as well as many other humans and literally no one but maybe his own kid likes him, he is called out as a friendless, disrespectful asshole to his face, and is less of an asshole by the end of the film. YMMV but I think it's a pretty standard "asshole improves" character arc and the highest levels of shittiness from the trailer was about the first ten minutes. -This is not to say the movie is good, or high quality intellectual cinema or anything. It is not good. It is a campy, cheesy, occasionally incoherent B-movie with violent cop movie/urban fantasy genre on top for flavor. The dialogue swings between a few scenes that are legitimately good (usually Jakoby's) and others that are things only Will Smith is capable of saying with a straight face. -Jakoby (the orc cop) is generally pretty good, he is awkward but Trying His Best. I also liked the slightly absurd Reasonable Orc Gang Leader, something about his delivery is just inherently funny to me idk. -The worldbuilding IS fairly poorly explained, but it's at least explained, kinda, I guess? I thought some of the visual worldbuilding was good though. But overall the movie just kinda expects you to understand that the world used to be Not Middle Earth and still evolved into something otherwise identical to reality but with magical creatures stapled on. (Well, Not Middle Earth featuring Not Aragorn who was an orc, which the audience isn't told about until the movie is basically over, which makes a lot of previous scenes even weirder if that guy was supposed to be a major historical figure that everyone just forgot to mention or act like they knew about until that point.) -Yeah, the name of the movie production company or whatever is really stupid and edgelordy. Overall I'd give it maybe a C. It's like Cowboys & Aliens in that it kinda reminds me of the particular style of bizarre 80s and 90s shit like Theodore Rex that was always kind of absurd and usually not actually good, but was wild and weird and I'm a little nostalgic for it. (Seriously though, this is a B-movie in spirit if not budget. Do not watch unless that's specifically what you want and enjoy. I am a person who has voluntarily watched Mortal Kombat Annihilation, Warriors of Virtue, AND Warriors of Virtue 2, my tolerance for campy nonsense everyone hates is very high.)

EDIT: Also the more I think about it the more I think what I really want now is to rewatch the whole Alien Nation franchise. To those of you that enjoy some genre-bending buddy cops, I wholeheartedly recommend it.

[junker-town]

The best available players after the 1st round of the NFL Draft

Missouri QB Drew Lock is one of the key storylines to follow on Day 2 of the draft.

Three quarterbacks were taken in the first round of the 2019 NFL Draft. Just not quite in the order everyone expected. Sure, Kyler Murray went first overall as expected to the Arizona Cardinals. Then the New York Giants shocked everyone by taking Duke’s Daniel Jones at No. 6. Washington ended Dwayne Haskins’ free fall, taking the Ohio State product at No. 15.

But the quarterback who missed out on the first round was Drew Lock of Missouri. Going into the second day of the draft, where Lock lands is the most intriguing storyline. But he’s not the best player available.

The second day of the draft will also feature plenty of offensive linemen, wide receivers and cornerbacks. Several of them, in fact, were considered first-round players by many.

The top player left is Washington cornerback Byron Murphy. Don’t expect him to last long in the second round.

Here are the best players available at the start of the second round of the 2019 NFL Draft:

17. Byron Murphy, CB, Washington

19. Cody Ford, OT, Oklahoma

22. Jawaan Taylor, OT, Florida

24. D.K. Metcalf, WR, Ole Miss

25. Greedy Williams, CB, LSU

27. Dalton Risner, OL, Kansas State

30. Nasir Adderley, S, Delaware

31. Hakeem Butler, WR, Iowa State

35. Irv Smith Jr., TE, Alabama

36. Deebo Samuel, WR, South Carolina

38. Dre’Mont Jones, DT. Ohio State

39. Deionte Thompson, S, Alabama

40. A.J. Brown, WR, Ole Miss

41. Rock Ya-Sin, CB, Temple

42. Chauncey Gardner-Johnson, S/CB, Florida

43. Kelvin Harmon, WR, North Carolina State

44. Erik McCoy, C, Texas A&M

45. Greg Little, OT, Ole Miss

46. Juan Thornhill, S, Virginia

47. Mack Wilson, LB, Alabama

48. Drew Lock, QB, Missouri

49. Jachai Polite, OLB/DE, Florida

50. Jaylon Ferguson, DE, Louisiana Tech

51. Zach Allen, DE, Boston College

52. David Montgomery, RB, Iowa State

53. Parris Campbell, WR, Ohio State

54. Amani Hooker, S, Iowa

55. Chase Winovich, Edge, Michigan

56. Yodny Cajuste, OT, West Virginia

57. Devin Singletary, RB, Florida Atlantic

58. Sean Bunting, CB, Central Michigan

59. Damien Harris, RB, Alabama

60. Jace Sternberger, TE, Texas A&M

61. Elgton Jenkins, C, Mississippi State

64. Terry McLaurin, WR, Ohio State

65. Taylor Rapp, S, Washington

67. Justin Layne, CB, Michigan State

68. Julian Love, CB, Notre Dame

69. Dawson Knox, TE, Ole Miss

70. Khalen Saunders, DT, Western Illinois

71. Darrell Henderson, RB, Memphis

72. D’Andre Walker, Edge, Georgia

74. Amani Oruwariye, CB, Penn State

75. Gerald Willis, DT, Miami

76. Trayvon Mullen, CB, Clemson

77. Miles Sanders, RB, Penn State

78. Kaden Smith, TE, Stanford

79. Max Scharping, OT, Northern Illinois

80. Joejuan Williams, CB, Vanderbilt

81. David Long, CB, Michigan

82. Isaiah Buggs, DL, Alabama

83. Oshane Ximines, Edge, Old Dominion

84. Connor McGovern, G, Penn State

85. Andy Isabella, WR, Massachusetts

86. Christian Miller, Edge, Alabama

87. Michael Deiter, G, Wisconsin

88. Will Grier, QB, West Virginia

89. Riley Ridley, WR, Georgia

90. Anthony Nelson, DE, Iowa

91. Preston Williams, WR, Colorado State

92. Trayveon Williams, RB, Texas A&M

94. Jahlani Tavai, LB, Hawaii

95. Jamel Dean, CB, Auburn

96. Trysten Hill, DT, Central Florida

97. JJ Arcega-Whiteside, WR, Stanford

98. Te’Von Coney, LB, Notre Dame

99. Renell Wren, DT, Arizona State

100. Jamal Davis, Edge, Akron

101. Dru Samia, G, Oklahoma

102. Vosean Joseph, LB, Florida

103. Saivion Smith, CB, Alabama

104. Miles Boykin, WR, Notre Dame

105. Ryan Finley, QB, North Carolina State

106. Germaine Pratt, LB, North Carolina State

107. Malik Gant, S, Marshall

108. Jalen Hurd, WR, Baylor

109. Mecole Hardman, WR, Georgia

110. Benny Snell Jr., RB, Kentucky

111. Lonnie Johnson, CB, Kentucky

112. Blake Cashman, LB, Minnesota

113. Daniel Wise, DT, Kansas

114. Josh Oliver, TE, San Jose State

115. Bobby Evans, OT, Oklahoma

116. Isaiah Johnson, CB, Houston

117. Myles Gaskin, RB, Washington

118. Hunter Renfrow, WR, Clemson

119. Daylon Mack, DT, Texas A&M

120. David Sills, WR, West Virginia

121. Rodney Anderson, RB, Oklahoma

122. Maxx Crosby, Edge, Eastern Michigan

123. Darius Slayton, WR, Auburn

124. Bryce Love, RB, Stanford

125. Evan Worthington, S, Colorado

126. DaMarkus Lodge, WR, Ole Miss

127. Trevon Wesco, TE, West Virginia

128. Dennis Daley, OT, South Carolina

129. Armon Watts, DT, Arkansas

130. Justice Hill, RB, Oklahoma State

131. Michael Jordan, G, Ohio State

132. Gary Jennings Jr., WR, West Virginia

133. Lamont Gaillard, C, Georgia

134. Charles Omenihu, DE, Texas

135. David Long Jr., LB, West Virginia

136. Keelan Doss, WR, Cal-Davis

137. Cody Barton, LB, Utah

138. Dontavius Russell, DT, Auburn

139. Lil’Jordan Humphrey, WR, Texas

140. Dexter Williams, RB, Notre Dame

141. Penny Hart, WR, Georgia State

142. Mike Weber, RB, Ohio State

143. Mike Bell, S, Fresno State

144. Bobby Okereke, LB, Stanford

145. Foster Moreau, TE, LSU

146. Isaac Nauta, TE, Georgia

147. Chuma Edoga, OT, Southern California

148. Austin Bryant, DE, Clemson

149. Ben Burr-Kirven, LB, Washington

150. Jaquan Johnson, S, Miami

151. Johnnie Dixon, WR, Ohio State

152. Byron Cowart, DL, Maryland

153. Devine Ozigbo, RB, Nebraska

154. Sione Takitaki, LB, BYU

155. Mike Edwards, S, Kentucky

156. Albert Huggins, DT, Clemson

157. David Edwards, OT, Wisconsin

158. Hjalte Forholdt, G, Arkansas

159. Joe Jackson, DE, Miami

160. Kahale Warring, TE, San Diego State

161. Stanley Morgan Jr., WR, Nebraska

162. John Cominsky, DE, Charleston

163. Isaiah Prince, OT, Ohio State

164. Ben Powers, G, Oklahoma

165. Marquise Blair, S, Utah

166. Karan Higdon, RB, Michigan

167. Terry Beckner Jr., DT, Missouri

168. Ben Banogu, DE, TCU

169. Nate Davis, G, Charlotte

170. Will Harris, S, Boston College

171. Tre Pipkins, OT, Sioux Falls

172. Michael Jackson, CB, Miami

173. Nate Herbig, G, Stanford

174. Jalen Jelks, Edge, Oregon

175. T.J. Edwards, LB, Wisconsin

176. Kendall Sheffield, CB, Ohio State

177. Ross Pierschbacher, C, Alabama

178. Tyler Jones, G, North Carolina State

179. Marvell Tell III, CB, Southern California

180. Kris Boyd, CB, Texas

181. Carl Granderson, DE, Wyoming

182. Porter Gustin, Edge, Southern California

183. Tyree Jackson, QB, Kentucky

184. Drew Sample, TE, Washington

185. Wyatt Ray, DE, Boston College

186. Ed Alexander, DT, LSU

187. Clayton Thorson, QB, Northwestern

188. Sutton Smith, LB, Northern Illinois

189. Jalen Dalton, DT, North Carolina

190. Tony Pollard, RB, Memphis

191. Joe Giles-Harris, LB, Duke

192. Donald Parham, TE, Stetson

193. Tyler Roemer, OT, San Diego State

194. Drue Tranquill, LB, Notre Dame

195. Beau Benzschawel, G, Wisconsin

196. Khari Willis, S, Michigan State

197. Ka’dar Hollman, CB, Toledo

198. Ulysses Gilbert, LB, Akron

199. Corey Ballentine, CB, Washburn

200. Phil Haynes, G, Wake Forest

201. Trey Adams, OT, Washington

202. Anthony Johnson, WR,

203. Jalen Hurd, WR, Baylor

204. Trevon Wesco, TE, West Virginia

205. Jimmy Moreland, CB, James Madison

206. Brett Rypien, QB, Boise State

207. Hamp Cheevers, CB, Boston College

208. Jakobi Meyers, WR, North Carolina State

209. Stephen Denmark, CB, Valdosta State

210. Oli Udoh, OT, Elon

211. Dax Raymond, TE, Utah State

212. Gardner Minshew, QB, Washington State

213. Mitch Hyatt, OT, Clemson

214. Iman Marshall, CB, Southern California

215. Tony Pollard, RB, Memphis

216. Wyatt Ray, DE, Boston College

217. Alize Mack, TE, Notre Dame

218. Alexander Mattison, RB, Boise State

219. Cole Tracey, K, LSU

220. James Williams, RB, Washington State

221. Stanley Morgan Jr., WR, Nebraska

222. Emanuel Hall, WR, Missouri

223. Ryquell Armstead, RB, Temple

224. Zach Gentry, TE, Michigan

225. Shareef Miller, DE, Penn State

226. Khalil Hodge, LB, Buffalo

227. Tre Lamar, LB, Clemson

228. Bruce Anderson, RB, North Dakota State

229. Justin Hollins, Edge, Oregon

230. Jordan Ta’amu, QB, Ole Miss

231. Martez Ivey, OT, Florida

232. Greg Gaines, DT, Washington

233. Derrick Baity Jr., CB, Kentucky

234. Alec Ingold, FB, Wisconsin

235. Andrew Wingard, S, Wyoming

[jimbelton]

Review of "Bright" (mild spoilers)

Review of “Bright” (mild spoilers)

 * * C

Bright is a buddy picture with a twist. It is essentially a remake of Alien Nation, but instead of a racist human cop learning to respect an alien partner, Ward (Will “Jay” Smith) is partnered with Jakoby, the first orc policeman (Joel Edgerton). They become involved in a plot to resurrect “The Dark Lord”, a mysterious tyrant from the first millennium who is never explained, by renegade…

[nick-writes]

Jakamie :x

headcanon: there is so much. their wedding is actually probably pretty simple after like, the eight fucking times that jak proposed :P he put enough energy into the proposals, they don’t need to go all out on the wedding. 

first impression: you know, i’m not even sure. jamie was probably like dang there’s a lot of cute boys on this swim team /objectifies for days

random thing: during his author tours and other publicity things, jak gets photographed so much in jamie’s old usc shirts that the school probably lowkey claims him as an alum for a bit. (jamie thinks it’s hilarious tbh.) 

thought about: sometimes jamie hears songs on the radio that make him think about jak so he sends him a snap where he’s singing along in the background.

never tells them: it’s hard because again, jakamie talk about everything. they kinda have to – they’ve both got demons that need talking about. but idk, jamie can keep surprises pretty well. how does jak feel about waking up to balloons dropping for the day of his book release party~ 

[nick-writes]

this popped into my head more recently

one way it went

Jak opened a new tab and clicked on the Dalton friend list. He had his email open in the other, plus his own post -- and his phone screen was face up. The moment Phil saw it -- well, commented, he’d know. He’d have his answer, he’d know if he’d won. But he couldn’t listen to Missy again while he waited. He had to act like he was above it.

Right. He was going to see if anyone else had posted something, and he was going to prove he wasn’t just waiting around for Phil. 

Someone -- oh, Jamie, had posted a video too. Almost funny how close it was to his, and Jak glanced at his email, then his phone, just in case. He let the video buffer, looking at the comment there. If Jeff could reply to Jamie so fast, then where was Phil? Even though Jeff’s comment was only “Smooth, Jamz,” it was still something. 

Jak sighed, finally hitting play. Something about the singer’s voice in the first verse reminded him of Kris, and it wasn’t half bad -- but it was the chorus that stopped him. 

I know I can treat you better than he can And any girl like you deserves a gentleman

That was...oddly timely. He scrolled back down, looking at Jeff’s comment and then Jamie’s new reply, “shut up, i like this song, it’s been stuck in my head!!”

When you should be with me instead

It was....he didn’t know what to make of it. He restarted the song, paying attention to the first verse this time, and it was like someone else (Jamie) was finally seeing what the last few months had been like with Phil. How was -- how did this explain things? How did Jamie know? 

Before he could think about it too hard, he commented “I like the song,” and then privately, “Do you want to get coffee?” 

the way it went

Jak opened a new tab and clicked on the Dalton friend list. He had his email open in the other, plus his own post -- and his phone screen was face up. The moment Phil saw it -- well, commented, he’d know. He’d have his answer, he’d know if he’d won. But he couldn’t listen to Missy again while he waited. He had to act like he was above it.

Right. He was going to see if anyone else had posted something, and he was going to prove he wasn’t just waiting around for Phil.

Someone -- oh, Jamie, had posted a video too. Almost funny how close it was to his, and Jak glanced at his email, then his phone, just in case. As he hit play, his phone chimed, and he closed the tab without even thinking about it. 

Time to see what Phil had to say for himself. 

[nick-writes]

The most important question: how much does jamie love jak~

if jak was a building he would be jamie’s favourite building

but luckily for jamie he’s a human so that means he can love him a bunch AND BE LOVED BACK 

what a concept tbh

[nick-writes]

“Oh god, why did I shave? I look like I’m sixteen again.”

“It’s not that bad, babe.”

“What if they think I’m an intern?”

“Then you’ll have something to laugh about later?”

“Doubt it.”

“You know, your accent comes out when you’re nervous.”

“Yeah, my throw-up’s gonna be texan too.”

“Come on, you’ll be fine. They wanted you bad enough to give you your own office, and you can call me at lunch for some phone sex.”

“So I just have to make it to lunch.”

[nick-writes]

“Can I hel -- ah, you must be Jakoby! Jak?” 

“Uh, yes, that’s me.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m Jonathan -- “

“Jamie’s advisor! He talks about you all the time.”

“I could say the same to you, Mr. Smith. He came out here to wait for you, but it seems, per usual, he’s gotten into his papers again?”

“Of course. Leave him alone for five minutes, he’s got a whole new building he wants to design.” 

“He’s really quite talented. It’s a shame he didn’t come here earlier. His kind of talent would’ve been wasted in the marines.”

“I agree.” 

“I didn’t mean to offend.”

“You didn’t. I’m going to see if I can convince him to come back to the land of the already built, but it was really good to finally meet you.” 

[nick-writes]

He’d assumed Jak had already started his day when he hadn’t been in bed. Jamie had overslept for his weekly shrink visit, rushing out their apartment without even stopping to check on his boyfriend. 

Clearly, he’d been wrong. Jak had been restless last night, but things were still so weirdly new in a way that he hadn’t been sure how to approach it. He’d felt comfortable enough to fall into a deep sleep, but he hadn’t even been able to notice that he couldn’t do the same? He rubbed thumb and index finger together, taking a deep breath as he tried to not let his thoughts get away from him. It was good Jak was sleeping now, at least, even though he didn’t look all that comfortable. 

Jamie crossed to the couch, crouching down to maybe kiss (or just nudge) him awake, when he heard Jak’s words in a quiet breath. 

“Jakoby Smith. Corporal. 430-00-5868,” he was mumbling, and he rocked back on his heels, nearly falling as his knee protested the movement. Close as he was, he could see the twist in Jak’s face and the tight hold he seemed to have on himself. And if this was what happened every time Jak fell asleep, then how could Jamie blame him for being restless at night? 

He took a deep breath as he put a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder, exhaling as he tried to shake as gently as he could. 

[nick-writes]

“I need to talk to you.”

“You knew exactly where I was.”

“Jamie.”

“You said you were going to come for me. You said you wouldn’t let me be alone.” 

“And I said I wouldn’t, but I couldn’t. Can we go somewhere else? I really need to talk to you.”

“I can’t.” 

“Please, Jamie.” 

[nick-writes]

i have never seen them scared before

[nick-writes]

while you count clouds

[nick-writes]

because i watched landon's episode of flashpoint and kitty is a bad influence...a jakamie au where pretty much everything hurts.

he raises an eyebrow. "pretty sure i'm older than you," he replies, hoping that if neither of them touch on the apology, it can disappear. it's how he wants the rest of his first day at support group to go - if nobody looks at him, or talks about him, or realizes he's there, he can disappear. he got to be good at the disappearing act, the last year or so. he'd go to school, then he'd go to the library to work on his applications, and he'd come home. he'd sit at the dinner table, in shirt and tie, and lie through his teeth about the kind of person he wanted to be. he can handle a support group for abused kids. 

"probably," the guy says, his voice easy, and jak looks at him, properly. he looks like a baby, even with his grey hairs. "i'm jamie, i'm sixteen. mr. daniels is gonna start the meeting soon." jamie says, and like on cue, the older guy at the back of the room starts calling for everyone to come and grab a seat. jamie seems alright, jak decides. he seems...steady. he seems like an older brother - but he's not, jak already has an older brother. he has an older brother in psycharistic hold and he put him there. they all told him it would help, but mark just sits there, broken, and jak did that. "hey," jamie says, and jak blinks. "hey, it's okay. you don't have to say anything, not til you want to. we got quiet kids all the time. you'll fit right in. it'll be okay," jamie says, his voice soft and he's moved like he thinks he can block everyone from seeing jak. he's moved like he's gonna protect him, and jak just nods. 

everyone always protects him. 

------

support group isn't his favorite thing. actually, he's pretty sure it's nobody's favorite thing. maybe jamie's, because he does the most talking and all, but he doesn't actually say a whole lot. he just keeps going so that nobody else has to talk. he's kind of a leader, even though it should be the adults. hell, he's the oldest here and jamie is still the leader. 

it's why jak is waiting by the door for him, why almost everyone mills around the room until he's the first to sit down. they follow his lead. he nods, almost absent-mindedly to the older woman who passes through the door, smiling on reflex. although they've made changes at home, a lot of them, there's still a lot of stuff that stuck. his manners, for one, but he doesn't mind those. "hey!" jamie calls, his voice cracking and suddenly deepening, and jak flinches. that, he minds. but the other boy touches his shoulder lightly, a brief apologetic look, and then he walks inside. immediately, jak follows. 

jamie moves around the room like he owns it, crossing from group to group, and never really saying much. it's sort of enough, just having him as a presence. jak follows, but not too close behind. he's not making it hero worship or anything; that'd be creepy. still, he's close enough to see jamie's shoulders suddenly tense, sees him taking a step back. 

"no," jamie says, and he's looking at the woman who walked in earlier. "i'm not talking to you, you can't make me," he says, his words coming quick, spilling over. "i have to go, i can't be here, i have to go find my brother, she's here, i have to get him," jamie is pacing, a tight circle, pulling at his sleeves, pacing, pacing, pacing - and the guy who always sits in the back, who doesn't say a word, is suddenly there. "no, she'll hurt him, she's not allowed to do that, he's a baby, he could die, she doesn't know. she has to hurt me, i came back so she'd hurt me instead," he's babbling, and everyone is watching him now. 

"dr. cassidy isn't your mom, matthews," the guy is talking quietly, calmly. "your brother's fine, nobody is getting to him. you have a babysitter, remember, your friend's dad. it's okay, jamie, it's okay,"

"no, it's not! she's here, she's gonna make herself the hero, you don't understand," jamie insists, his voice getting steadily louder and higher, and he's working himself into even tighter circles, almost spinning, and jak has to sit down. he's spinning out of control, everyone is, everyone does. mark spun out and mark hit him, when he promised over and over he never would, and jamie's spinning out. he takes a step back, and another, and he waits for those police officers to grab him again, to pull him away from his brother. 

he's breathing until he's not, curled up in the corner where he used to go, where mark stood in front of him and took whatever came. someone takes jamie, just picks him up like he's barely anything, and the air just rushes out of the room. it just goes and dr cassidy is standing there, just flat and tired and something about her set jamie off. something about her just tilted everyone's world on its axis, because jamie was their leader, and now he's not. 

------ 

"it's called munchausen-by-proxy," jamie says, lying flat in the bed and his eyes are still closed, because he's sleeping. jak took off his shoes, even, when he crept into jamie's hospital room, and how did he hear him? 

"sorry for waking you," he settles on saying, the politeness burned into his mind still, and jamie just shakes his head.

"i'm awake. i don't sleep in hospitals," he says, wriggling until he's mostly upright, and when jak looks at him, jamie is more alert than he otherwise imagined. "i wish they hadn't taken me here, it's not safe." 

"it's a hospital?" jak asks, more than says, because hospitals always fix it. even if you have to lie to them about what happened to bring you there, they always fix it. he and mark used to practice their lies on the way, to say they fell down in the ravine or they were goofing off. "what's munchausen?" 

jamie sighs, glancing at the door. it's see-through, which jak doesn't really like, but it seems to make the other boy feel better. "munchausen-by-proxy. it's when a parent...hurts their kid, on purpose, and takes them to the hospital, and says they don't know what happened, and they keep doing it, because they like the attention so much. they make their kid sick on purpose," he exhales, and jak is pretty damn smart. he got into good schools, and he knows a lot of stuff, but he's never heard about this. 

"is that what happened to you?" he asks, impulsively, before he remembers he probably shouldn't. he only got to come in here because he promised he wouldn't wake him up, and he promised he wouldn't stress him out. so jak has failed the only two things he was told not to do, which kind of figures, because that's the kind of guy he is. he pulls himself back and tries to remind himself to focus on jamie. it's not about him. it's about jamie. 

"yeah," jamie says, sounding unusually terse, and then jak has to kick himself because how else would he sound? "my ma. she did it * to me. i tried to get out, but she started doing it to my baby brother, and i was never ever gonna let that happen, so i came home and i let her do all the fucked up shit ** she wanted as long as she left jack alone," it comes out, slowly, like it hurts jamie to string the words together, and it hurts jak's head to think about it. when his dad hit them (well, hit mark), he always apologized. he said they made him so angry, that accidents happened, that they were his boys and he could punish them however he wanted to. he doesn't understand how anyone could look at jamie and hurt him on purpose, let alone a baby. 

jamie is staring at him, clearly nervous, and jak blinks at him. "you're really brave, jamie," he says, for lack of not knowing what to say, and jamie laughs so hoarsely that he starts coughing, and in the rush to find water and a cup, jak doesn't realize he's apologizing over and over until jamie grabs his hands and tells him to stop, that it's okay, that he doesn't have anything to apologize for. 

"i'm not brave," he says, and it's not nonchalant or anything. he really believes he wasn't, but jak stays quiet so he doesn't mess it up again. "i lost my shit because a woman with brown hair came to support group, and she doesn't look anything like my ma, but i lost my shit anyway. find another hero, jak." 

the thing is, jak doesn't need a hero. he had his dad, right? and his dad ended that when he smacked him across the face for forgetting to wear a tie to dinner when he was nine. sure, he had mark for the longest time, and maybe he could again, but he can't forget the wild look in his eyes or the way the punch to his gut winded him. he doesn't need any more heroes, not when history shows the heroes never last. 

jamie is staring at him, and jak nods. he's not really fine. it feels like months since everything happened, but it's only been three weeks. he has to remember that. "i don't want a hero," he says, steeling himself. he doesn't want to upset him. "i came, because my friend is in the hospital, and you see friends when they're in the hospital," jak clarifies, trying to make his voice steady and clear, trying to be the one who gets leaned on instead of always doing the leaning. he's not past it, he might never be, but he's not the one in a hospital bed. 

jamie swallows, playing with the hospital bracelet on his wrist. "friends?" he asks, after a long few quiet moments, and jak nods. maybe in another lifetime where neither of them was so screwed up, it'd be different, but he's the rich boy who got smacked around his entire life and jamie is a kid still trying to protect everyone else. 

"yeah," jak agrees, finally letting himself take a seat next to the bed. "we gotta have each other's backs now," he says, because even though the words are dumb, he's never really done it. he was always the one who hid and let other people take it, but it's different now. jamie nods, reaching out his fist, and it takes jak a few minutes to realize he should fistbump. 

(when they're both older, he'll tease jamie for that fistbump, and jamie will grab his hips and pull him down and tickle him until he's laughing against jamie's neck, apologizing between giggles, and jamie will say that jak stuck around anyway, so he must've liked the fistbump, deep down.

they're not perfect, and most days they still aren't better. most days, the apologies tumble from jak's lips and jamie deliberately puts himself between strange women and jack. most days, they drag themselves through therapy and jamie always tells jak before he touches him and jak always asks if there's something he can do to take the pressure off him. most days, they fall together anyway, despite how fucked up they are.) 

------

* in this au, jamie's mother deliberately withheld food from him - and when she had no choice but to let him eat, she forced him to throw up. she had him hospitalized for eating disorders multiple times before jamie told her he was going to dalton and that was that, unless she wanted him to tell everyone. 

** jack was born when jamie was 13. a year later, when he went to dalton, their mother started deliberately hurting him to replace what she had going with jamie. when he came home for thanksgiving and figured it out, he dropped out of dalton instantly and took his brother's place because he thought he could handle it. 

instead of withdrawing food, she cut his wrists and framed it as a suicide attempt saying that he'd said he couldn't handle ED anymore. but he'd put on weight while at dalton, because he could actually eat, and things didn't add up with the doctors, finally, and both he and jack were removed from their mother's care. 

[nick-writes]

7, amnesia; jakamie :x

I GUESS THAT’S WHY THEY CALL IT THE BLUES I SHOULDN’T HAVE TEMPTED YOU xD

title: sorrow found me when i was young, sorrow waited, sorrow won.

snippet: Jamie took a deep breath before he walked into the hospital room. He’d wanted to bring MJ with him, because he’d hoped that if Jak saw their son, it might trigger something in him. But then common sense had intervened - and pointed out to him that if Jak didn’t recognize Mark, then Mark would be crushed. (He’d wanted to say that Jak didn’t recognize him, and nobody was worrying about him being crushed, but that was petty.) 

"Hey," Jak grins at him, and his voice is so open, so happy, that Jamie almost forgets Jak only really sort of knows him. Only really knows him as the guy who yelled at him his first day awake, the guy who almost always leaves in tears, and it sucks. It’s awful, and he can’t take it. He can’t take the fact that there’s years of their life that Jak doesn’t remember anymore, that there’s no explanation for why he’s like this and no good answer for when he won’t be like this. “You okay?”

And it hurts even more that Jak is still acting like himself, or what used to be himself, since he doesn’t remember anything from before. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he lies, easily, as he limps to the small sitting area in Jak’s room. “I brought you a couple of the picture albums your mama put together for us,” Jamie says, placing said albums on the table, but trying not to push him into it. He’s learned too. He can’t force this Jak into being his Jak, no matter how hard he wants to try.

Three weeks since that bullet grazed his boyfriend’s brain at a signing, two weeks since Jak woke up from the coma he’d fallen into during surgery, and he wonders what the fucking time frame is supposed to be for getting used to this. He wonders why he isn’t yelling at Jak’s doctors anymore, why he isn’t fighting back - but before he can really pursue that train of thought, Jak smiles at him. 

And just like always, he falls for him.