#c: Joannes

[silvcrignis]

(Tell the R E A P E R he don’t W A N T it!) {x}

[sinligh]

In the name of healing I bite chunks of myself daily, spit them out in my hand with the intention to wash it away later

Eventually, i end up over analyzing them, like everything else in my life

grafts of all the causes I’m still here, glued together by my mother’s fears

be the Alpha female, she said. “feed on your most beloved, a cup of the moon’s blood every night before bed for you to run alone forever, run wild, never slip”

I Shower myself with self-loathing, lick my own wounds close Keep me sane, keep me safe

loneliness to me is just another insecurity that is dangling from my prefrontal cortex, dangling right in front of my eyes… for me to see the world through it.

I spend hours looking at the bloody chunks in my hand, thinking where did i go wrong ? how much can I hold on to this heartache ?

I've been running around it all my life, running around red lines, red lines circle me, i run in circles around myself I’m all that I’ve ever knew, yet, I only know myself in fading

A distant memory, a deja vu…

All I really know, is that the only stable in my life is the fact that I exist, and that it’s a temporary state.

jamais vu.

will the lines fade if i eat what i bit off of myself again ? if i chew and chew and chew… If i teach myself to stomach it will i be whole again?

is holding on to those pieces enough to satisfy my desire to be held ?

Or does it make me a feral rogue ?

Schizophrenic delusions ticking in my head…

Sometimes I wonder if it’s my fault that I’m this alone…

then again I wasn’t the one feeding myself all the insecurities as a young child.

I wasn’t the one playing pretend.

It was never my fault, my mother thought faking happiness is the way to protect me, it was never my fault father wasn’t interested in the details, as long as I was his perfect girl…

Now, I can’t hold on to anything the way i hold on to the lunatic turmoil that makes me sway and laugh on my own personal misery.

Call it history.

Hide behind defensive humor, get my inner demons drunk on caffeine, mistake that high for happiness cause mama did too…

And wait for caffeine withdrawal to wake us up, both of us…

I’ve never been hangover, but I imagine this is how it’ll feel

The aura ? The migraine?

The urge to throw myself up to be reborn clean.

•••

•Quotes: Olivia Laing/Heather Havrilesky/ Olivia Laing/ Marya Hornbacher/Anaïs Nin/Camille Norton/ Alice Oseman/ eduardo C. Corral/anne carson/ Joanne Harris/ Hannah Green/Hannah Green/Lisel Mueller

•Original context: sinligh

•Art reference:

1. Sasha Hartslief, Late Night Shower, 2021. 2. Getting Up by Vincent Giarrano. 3.illustration by Owen Gent. 4. The Lovers on the Bridge, 1991. 5. "Beverly Edmier 1967' Keith Edmier, 1998

•song recommendation:

P.s: the whole album is a masterpiece ! Give it a try, thank me later.

[dozydawn]

Modern Bride, 1986.

Models: Sandra Freeman, Joanne Russell, and Rosie Vela.

[stannisbaratheon]

JOANNE WOODWARD in THE DROWNING POOL (1975), dir. Stuart Rosenberg

[novaissms]

Closed for @tailsofthenine

There was tension in the air, no doubt from the unknown. But she was here for one reason- to get her debt back. With ten billion won is enough to get her own palace, to have her own protection, and to live as she pleases. There was only problem the fox who owed it.

Of course she fell for his tricks at the time. That stupid handsome face and his stupid words. He still signed it though so he had to fulfill the debt somehow!

The fae began to walk towards the elder a forced grin on her features as cut the conversation with the stranger off. "Pardon the interruption but I need to borrow Mr. Lee." She said with as much restraint as possible. As the stranger shuffled away her expression change.

"Well well if it isn't the great Lee Yeon himself." She said in practically older Korean she learned from the missionaries. The fae placed her delicate hand on his broad shoulder, slowly warming her fingers up in case he didn't cooperate. "You know what I want right."

[citizenscreen]

George C Scott and Joanne Woodward in Anthony Harvey‘s THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS (1971)

[letterboxd-loggd]

Girl Gang (1954) Robert C. Dertano

September 5th 2023

[landoftheocsmegablogformyocs]

Zaria's Parents And Even Stepparents Butted Heads With Ian's Mother

Even though before the cheating they welcomed Ian as a member of the family, I do think they would have hated his mother because I think she would be that judgemental pos who looked down on them for one reason or another. One of them being they were divorced even though it's implied she was a single mom and isn't one to judge. Zaria's parents and later stepparents had to walk around her in order to help their daughter/stepdaughter's relationship with Ian. I think both sides even knew she was a toxic control freak who was emotionally abusive towards him and tried to do everything in their power to give him a safe haven from her.

Frankly, she reminds me of Joann Bishop from As Told By Ginger who everyone knew as a toxic smother who constantly insulted and belittled everyone around her. Even though she had justified misgivings with Carl, she was still even mean to those like Ginger herself who had a lot of limits with her. And I think Zaria would have had limits with her as well. I think in a lot of ways like Dodie did Ian would have stood up for his mom and excuse her trash behavior.

Given that Zaria has autism I like to think she would have bigoted views about autistic children and wouldn't be afraid to say some nasty stuff about her traits. I could totally see her straight up saying how two divorced households could handle a child like Zaria. And if Ian's mom ever said it in front of Zaria's mom the shoes and the earrings would go off but for Ian sake she kept it in because again Ian needed all the support he could get and they both knew she could find an excuse to end their friendship. In my opinion, I do think Ian's mom would thought she was too immature for her son and make passive aggressive comments which Ian would try to excuse her for but still it stung when she made them. And again I think she would have thought Ian would have outgrown Zaria and found a more mature woman. Even after their long relationship she would always would find something to nitpick Zaria at because in her eyes her son shouldn't be saddled with a behaviorally disabled woman. As I could show, I really do think Ian's mother would be one of those abelistic pos people who believes tons of Autism Speak myths about autistic children.

I think that's why both sides felt betrayed by Ian's cheating because they put up with so much shit from his mother and tried to give him a haven to him that he goes and repays this by breaking Zaria's love and trust. They still would feel sorry for him when it comes to his mother, but they also won't make him feel welcomed anymore due to what he did and hope one day he realizes his mistakes and just tries to get away far from possible from his mother and doesn't excuse the she she does.

[ofsupernovcs]

Closed for @krit-ikal

Of course he had to stop for his medication. But Kevin truthfully wanted to get away from Tae-jin, that hard ass bastard. As he wheeled inside he noticed the pharmacist. There was a smirk when he noticed the marks. Usually he tended to meek but he couldn;t help but wanted to a bit brave. And Krit just alluded temptation. Kevin rolled up to the counter and stood up near Krit, gently grab the wrist. "What shit have you been up to?" He asked unaware of Juri and the vine attack.

[heidicore]

some swatches from today

[dandys-handler]

How do you feel about your fellow Main Character handlers?

Considering your toons are usually roped together, that would mean you would all spend much more time with each other.

Does this make you all friends, or simply coworkers doing a job?

I'd say we're friends. Family, even! Comes with the territory of being pseudo-parental figures to our little friends, yes?

[silvcrignis]

Polyphemus Styx is the worst demigod alive 😭 Hades & Medusa did not raise him like this.

This was before the cursed GCs changed him, Claude Frollo became a SAILOR after this they ruined him pfft.

[joannerowling]

Help me choose while i wait for the game to update

[dozydawn]

Modern Bride, 1985.

Models: Rosie Vela, Sandra Freeman, and Joanne Russell.

[randomfoggytiger]

X-Files Collector's Edition: MOTW but Rinse and Repeat

MOTWs were among the best of The X-Files episodes... but what if those monsters had follow up episodes?

Honorable mention: @paperheartsarts/Paper_hearts_and_homemade_arts's series If You Will Let Me (which is still on-going) which follows Padgett's demon pursuing Scully even after death. Horrifying hallucinations and real, physical danger nearly claim her and Mulder's lives.

Loose chronological order below~

Pattie's It and Them

""Mulder, you're not going to believe this... "

"I believe in all kinds of things, Scully." He looked at his watch. "Isn't it past your bed time?"

"Jane Doe appears to have become John Doe." She kept her eyes on the infant and waited for her partner's reply. "Remember the Amish outside of Steveston?"

"What?" Mulder sat up. Now HE was fully awake.""

Mulder and Scully do their best to aid an ex-Kindred cult member's baby that she leaves on Scully's doorstep.

Offspring

""The doctor ushered Mulder and Scully into a small office where he had a desk. "I know. You must think this is just something in the lake water, or regular hepatitis. But this kid puked up what looks to be a flatworm."

"A fluke." Mulder nodded to Scully.

"Yes, a fluke. Last month, we removed one from a woman's liver, and it wasn't a typical fluke. We embalmed it until we could find someone to identify it. Then, when Kevin Johnson was brought here yesterday, we had our second fluke. It's in an aquarium in the same lab. as the one we embalmed.""

S4: Flukeman-infested lake.

Genetic Appetite

""Scully was adamant. "We are staying." She knew she wasn't going to have a good night's sleep when Mulder started thinking aloud in the lobby of the apartment building.

"You don't suppose he... "

Scully's patience was wearing thin. "What? Don't suppose he what?"

"Mated. Well, it's not that impossible to believe, Scully. All beings have the urge to procreate. Maybe he could get through a date without eating.""

Liver extractions and bodies are piling up... but Tooms is dead. Mulder and Scully track down an unexpected source.

EllieL/Ellie's Rendering Judgment of Chthonic Gods

""Atropos has cut the line. You saw it happen. Whatever you may see that she has to do in the future, the decision was made that she shall not continue. It cannot be undone, not by my will nor my husband's."

"You could give her a choice. She's coming here unguided, and has dipped her hand in the river and tasted it. That must change matters."

"That--that does change matters, somewhat. She was a good woman in life, and I am not unsympathetic to her or what you see of her future. And she still has a choice where to drink. Let her make that choice, and perhaps she'll make the decision for us.""

Scully's nurse in One Breath bargained indirectly with her son-in-law, Death, for her patient's life. Invisible deals are struck, allowing Scully both to live and to see her father one last time.

JET/Jesemie's Evil Twin/eviljesemie's Things That Lie Outside

""He must have been the one to apologize but has no idea what he really said. After the family leaves, he realizes her presence behind him. Turning, he catches an expression on her face so protective of him he almost steps back. She straightens up, goes to grab their files off the internal audit conference table.

It might not have been there at all, that look. Probably not. Almost 100% guaranteed it was not.

He misses his sister at this moment, he realizes, because in every alternate world he's imagined, every place Samantha is alive and well and his sister, she has grown up to be the kind of person he would tell about that look, and he might let something into his voice that she would suspect, and it would be a secret between them.""

Post Paper Hearts Scully finds the last girl, setting her partner free from this last horrific hold.

Justin Glasser's (xphilefic) Kevin

""Miss Scully, this is Nathan, Kevin's brother. I talked to you today and--Miss Scully, I don't know if this is, like, your jurisdiction or what, but if there's anything you can do--he's gone, and we can't--I don't think we can find him. He said he was afraid of the moloch and I didn't believe him . . . Miss Scully, please." Click. The machine whirred in rewind, and shut off, light glowing placidly.

"You don't know what that is?" she asked.

Mulder shrugged. "Can't know everything, I guess.""

S5? Scully is called two years later when Kevin Kryder goes missing. While she and Mulder locate Kevin, his new brother is taken as well... and killed.

msk's (Ao3), bcfan’s, maybe_amanda/MaybeAmanda's (Site, LiveJournal), Tesla's (XLibris), Amy's, Kmom's, Lucy Marchmont's

Jabberwocky

""Sybil, have you go got a crucifix, a cross, an article or symbol of your faith on or about your person? Necklace, earrings, scapular, sacred vestments of any sort? Bottle of holy water, maybe?..."

Sybil shook her head. "I have another pair of duck earrings in my purse. How's that?"

"Probably not enough."

"Mulder," Scully said, her voice sounding harsh even to her own ears, "I'm giving you three seconds to start making some sense. One, two-"

"The glyphs," he said. "It's like a welcome mat. Only instead of saying *Welcome,* or *The Addams Family,* this is more like, *Vlad lives here. Trespassers will be eaten*.""

S6 (or S7) Mulder takes Scully back to Texas for another undead case, courtesy of Frohike. Between her jealousy of a flirty, bubbly redhead, pique at Mulder's constant Sheriff Hartwell teasing, enjoyment at an incredibly fancy hotel her partner booked specifically for her, and fear of said flirty redhead's two horrific insurance brother-bosses, Scully is torn between annoyance and affection. She is, however, able to pull it together just in time for the crazy finale involving her partner, a vampire feast auction, and a law enforcement bust led by the vampire Sheriff himself.

Maria Nicole’s

Stand by the Window

""Once they had tracked him down, only his threatened cascade of disclosure kept them at a distance, growling and snapping.

A few years ago he might have fought them, might have tried to disappear for good, or else oust Strughold. Now he was simply tired of it all.

And so he was finally forced to live the life he had pretended to have all along.""

The Well-Manicured Man survived FTF's car bomb, fending off his compatriots with threats of exposure. Plunging himself into caged retirement, he awaits the inevitable, befriending his spy-housekeeper leading up to the events of One Son.

Bridge

""So what do you want to call them? Little bug-boys?"

"Bug-ees. Buggers. The deadened. The ungrateful dead. Deadheads. Hey, yeah...deadheads."

She looked like she was struggling to suppress the smile, but it came out anyway. "All right, so we have the disappearance of these deadheads from the previous case. We have two people dead now, with some sort of puncture wound in the back of their neck. Have you considered that you were hallucinating?"

"I thought you just said you believed--" She shook her head. "That Pincus injected those people, without a doubt. But what if...you've been assuming that he's a large insect-like creature who can trick others into believing he's human. What if it's the other way around? What if he's a human who can trick others into believing he's a monster?""

Field Trip Mulder and Scully ditch their quarantine early, experiencing unexpectedly peaceful and soul-searching mind-melds while investigating a case very like Folie a Deux. The depths of Scully's plumbed from the depths of an ocean, Pincus and snake venom, and rescuing Mulder from himself-- this is a gorgeous read: more exploratorily honest than neck-stiffeningly intense.

Wylfcynne's Imagine

""He headed for the door, then hesitantly turned. "Agent Scully?"

She turned, surprised by his tone. "Yes?"

"You want to know why the X Files and the two of you have been shut down so hard?"

She stared at him. "We know why."

"Because you terrify them, Scully, with your courage, your integrity and your uncompromising principles. You terrify me and I'm on your side. Imagine how they feel.""

Post S.R. 819 Mulder and Scully are captured by a cult. He's infected with the black oil while Scully frees herself enough to call in Skinner and the cavalry. She then must save her partner, ruthlessly torturing the alien virus in his body to death. Everyone else stands in awe.

Joann Humby's The Pattern

""She kept her voice professionally mild even when she finally changed the subject. "Skinner said that Diana Fowley worked for Patterson."

He let his hand rest on her shoulder, admiring her courage. "I effectively introduced them. He liked her." He ignored the way that Scully flinched, and was grateful that she bit down her instinctive response to his remark. Talking was hard.... "After the Props case, he helped her to get funding for her research. In San Francisco," he added, not quite disguising the amusement in his voice. If Scully could be courageous then so could he. "About as far away from me as he could manage."

"But you still left the ISU?"

"Reggie was willing to take me off Patterson's hands. He wasn't in a position to say no."

"And you and Diana?"

"It suited us. A couple of thousand miles apart.""

Post Amor Fati Mulder's history with Monty Propps becomes relevant again. He slowly unravels the current mystery whilst reflecting on his past with Diana and his possible future with Scully, IVF, and angels. (There are even sections from Diana's POV during her early relationship which delves into her assignment to California and her recruitment parallel to Mulder's discovery of the X-Files.)

aka Jake/ aka_Jake ’s (Gossamer) Reprise

""She turned to face him, laundry abandoned. “I don’t have to tell you, we saw Eugene Tooms chopped into a million pieces by an escalator.”

“I noticed that.”

“City Square thoroughly cleaned the area before the shopping mall reopened. They sent us their bill.”

“Maybe they missed a spot.”

“And what, Tooms grew a new body from a finger or a pinky toe?”

Mulder tapped the end of his nose.

“No.” She shook her head. “It’s impossible.""

Post S11 Mulder and Scully battle another Eugene Tooms-like case... in fact, it is Tooms, who just won't die.

Gefangener (txt)

""Opponents of the death penalty often cite that capital punishment is not a deterrent to murder, those executed are usually poor, and many innocent people have been wrongly sentenced to death.

Tell it to someone who cares.

...Special Agent Fox Mulder has not seen Gerry Schnauz since testifying at his trial. He isn't sympathetic to the fact that Schnauz is a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, who, according to his court-appointed lawyer, belongs in Melvoin Psychiatric Hospital, not a maximum security prison.

Fox Mulder wishes Gerry Schnauz had committed his crimes in one of the forty states that gas, electrocute or inject its serial killers.""

AU-- Post Unruhe Mulder darkly reflects on Schnauz not getting the death penalty while Scully lies forever in bed, her mind ruined.

@admiralty-xfd/admiralty's Novam Domum

""Seventeen year old Daisy Peacock stepped on the gas but wasn’t certain where she was headed. The radio blasted Del Shannon and she rolled her window down. The smell inside the car was awful.

...Edmund Peacock sat stoic in the front seat, staring straight ahead, not saying anything. He never said anything. And her mother laid in back, blood slick down her thighs, screaming not out of pain but of rage. The noise was akin to the whinnying of a horse, or cattle being zapped. All she wanted was to make the sound stop the way Father would when the babies came out all wrong. 

Waiting was her only option. Mother wasn’t long for this world, anyway."" 

Post S11 Mulder and Scully were settling into their new lives as expecting parents when another family from their blast blows in, searching for their own place to call Home.

AUs 

Adam Webb's Pyre

""As the casket stopped in front of him while loading documentation was double checked. Mulder saw L'Ively holding up his palm, displaying that it was empty in the manner of a theatrical magician. The next instant a tiny fluttering orange fire blossomed from his extended index finger. In the space of a second its intensity quadrupled, flaring into a pencil-thin lance of white hot flame. Coming from the casket a high-pitched beeping sound filled the air, indicating that the rise in temperature had been registered by in-built sensors. L'Ively appeared unconcerned, either with the fact that his pyrokinetic display had tripped the alarm or that his skin was being consumed. Mulder had a fleeting vision of the wiry little Englishman's body repairing itself and staggering out of the burning wreckage of a downed aircraft. It was a fact stranger than fiction that Lively had already survived three deaths. But all of those had been death by fire, Mulder reminded himself, falling from a great height would prove as fatal to L'Ively as it would to anyone else. Grinning like a hob-goblin L'Ively used the residue of his own melting flesh to draw a large greasy brown heart shape onto the glass, and through it blew a kiss to Scully. Then folding his blackened finger into his palm he abruptly banished the fire.""

Post Paper Clip Cecil L'Ively cut a deal with the government-- because, of course-- and puts Scully in a coma. Mulder and Phoebe team up to take him down, healing a few old wounds and earning a bit of redemption.

Thalia D'Muse's Nowhere to Hide

""The cabin is set back in the woods, two miles from the nearest dwelling. It is perfect. Your screams will be for my ears only. A sweet symphony with me as the sole audience. I shudder in anticipation as I remember your voice: a deep, sensuous alto, caressing my ears like a sultry torch song. I want to hear that voice again so badly. I want to hear that silky-smooth voice speak my name. I want to hear it scream, cry, beg for mercy. These are the sounds that will be music to my ears.

Sleep now, my Dana. We will be there soon.""

Alternating between the madness of Pfaster and the desperation of Mulder, this post Irresistible fic toys with an AU: if Donnie Pfaster were able to break free and recapture his last victim.

@slippinmickeys/Slippin' Mickeys's (Ao3) Unnamed (Ao3)

""Mulder felt like he’d been punched in the solar plexus.

“He killed her,” he said, deflating.

He’d been expecting a ‘we don’t know that yet’ or a ‘without a body, there’s still hope, Mulder.’ Instead, she said: “And you killed him.” Something in the way she held her shoulders made him think she wasn’t sorry for it.""

 Post Paper Hearts Mulder finds a photograph of Samantha that matches the last cloth heart; but his extreme sorrow is immediately channeled into determination to save Scully from her cancer.

Erin M. Blair’s (Ao3) A Little Twist of Three

""Hold that thought," Scully replied, as carefully put down little Dana, and she opened the door. It was Kristen Kilar, one of Melissa's New Age friends.""

S1 deviated with Mulder and Scully becoming parents and a family. When S2 Duane Barry rolls around, it's Melissa Scully who is taken instead. Kristen Kilar is one of Missy's friends.

Kim Berglund's Blood Dimmed Tide

""Morbidly he reached in and slid out the state trooper's photo that had tormented him for many sleepless nights. Scully gagged and tied, her eyes wide with fear.

He dropped it back into the folder and closed his eyes.

It had been his darkest night. Until now.

He thought he could hear the beating of wings. La gargouille waiting impatiently for death.

Opening his eyes, Mulder let go of the file and reached for the one behind it.

Kristen Kilar, The Trinity Killers.""

Post Grotesque Scully is withdrawing from Mulder, thinking she's failed to help her partner-- giving up. Kristen arrives, creating more friction; and Mulder, sick of it all, pulls out his gun.

bellefleur/bellefleur1013's Triple Returns

""Kristen herself had not actually committed the murders the first time, but she had led her unholy trinity to each of the victims, and she alone as an observer knew the intimate details of each victim and crime scene. The identical nature of the crimes could only mean one thing--Kristen was reconstructing the path that had first brought them together. By duplicating the case that Mulder had solved, she was sure to attract his attention and draw him into it again.""

It's S7: Kristen Kilar is back; and Scully has to pry open Mulder about his past with her and save him from being turned into a vampire.

J. C. Sun's Leave

""Cold, very cold, yet lovely, this woman.

This coldness, this is what he lacks.

This coldness, it makes him better.

"Very pretty. You have good taste."

He starts.

He casts a nervous glance towards his gun. I laugh, and he relaxes.

"You are happy?" I say.

His mouth twitches, and I read that he is happy, as happy as he can ever be.""

Vampire Kristen lived, running across Mulder's path years later. She sees Scully, his peace, and-- finally-- her own reflection.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[ghassanrassam]

1971 George c Scott imagines himself to be Sherlock Holmes