#byzrambles

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Roodaka is Starscream in heels.

Change my mind.

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....

is it bad to do an ama?

Honestly be pretentious as fuck about the stuff you create. Do a press release for your fanfic updates. Do a Q&A about your webcomic. Make fake merch designs for your OCs. Commission "official" book covers. Very few of us will ever get to a stage where something we've created Makes It Big but even if you have an audience of 5 people plus a shoelace fucking indulge yourself and pretend!! It's the only way to live!!

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A fun thing to do with friends who draw art of speculative biology fauna is to play a game I like to call:

"Clade that animal"

You assume the role of a biologist, and your friend shows you a speculative critter that they drew. You ask what biome it lives in, how big is it, and one free question.

You then must write a description of the animal, its diet, lifestyle, niche, and a fun encounter between the creature and yiur biologist if you feel like it.

Bonus points if you add a scientific name.

Then your friend tells you how right/wrong you were.

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I want you to imagine:

Hewkii having so much difficulty describing his relationship with Macku to Gresh and

Gresh's just: "Oh, yeah, Dating."

And out of nowhere Macku grabs him by the shoulders and spins him around and yells "THERES A WORD FOR IT?"

Gresh's invited to their wedding two weeks later

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I think the reason the Toa Inika look mostly samey aside from masks, weapons, and color schemes is that none of them registered that they'd been toafied until after they landed.

They weren't thinking about the ideal toa form at all, so the red star just went "Oh well, default mode it is. -ZAP-"

HOWEVER

When they became the toa mahri after a zap from the mask of life, they absolutely had a mental image of what the ideal toa should be, and THAT'S why they look so different.

Kongu became a juggernaut

Hewkii turned into conan the barbarian

Hahli ended up a valkyrie

Nuparu turned into what I can only describe as an underwater stealth bomber

Matoro- well. He's a beanpole. can't help that.

And Jaller is just... a guy. Tahu must have really lowered his estimates, huh.

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I feel like I'm being called out

they would NOT fucking have communication skills that good

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I want to see Sokka having a moment of horrible realization as it finally clicks that Zuko's Uncle is the Dragon of the West.

He's gone through (most of) the whole story mentally filing Iroh as "That old guy who always followed the angry jerk," but I don't think it's ever set in that "Zuko's Uncle" equals "Fire Lord's Brother" equals "Dragon of the West"

I'm imagine one day he's tying a fishing lure or something and he just suddenly goes

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Because no one asked,

Here's how I would do a transformers series:

1) emphasize the disguise

They're robots in disguise. Its in the tagline. Make the bots and cons fight each other while trying not to be noticed.

Why would world conquering deceptions stoop to hiding from puny organics?

Easy. Skew the matchup. If its 8 billion nuclear armed monkeys vs 5-10 alien robots, even ol megsy ain't gonna take those odds.

The Autobots have an even easier reasoning: follow the prime directive.

2) Shipwreck everyone

Why can't the bots/cons just call for reinforcements?

They crash landed. That's why. Everyone's in stasis or injured. Callback to G1 where they spent 4 million years in sleep mode under a volcano. Maybe not *that* long but it would explain why no one noticed two alien starships smacking into the planet. No one was around to see it. Macguffin event happens, a couple bots and cons wake up, and they realize that a wholeass civilization popped up during their nap.

3) Civilian autobots

Why did they come to earth?

As is usually the go to answer: Cybertron's f*cked. Solution: Autobots dig out a *really* old and obscure planetary survey, find a decent enough planet, Optimus takes a bunch of scientists and engineers on a colony ship and they go off to found New Cybertron. Survey said the place was uninhabited, so it's free real estate. (Humans were probably still debating whether or not coming down from the trees and walking on 2 legs was a good idea when the Cybertronian scouts did the survey)

Soundwave does his soundwave thing, finds out, Megatron loads up a warship, and they shoot each other down on prehistoric earth. Meanwhile, a caveman named grug figures out mr fire is your friend.

Point is, you've got one side that's a bunch of scientists, engineers, and other civilians (The Autobots)

And the other that's almost all elite combat troops (the Decepticons)

But, because of the first two issues, the cons can't take advantage of it. Otherwise they alert the Humans and someone with an itchy trigger finger drops a thermonuclear warhead on the stranded nemesis.

And if a human does discover the Autobots? Imo a civilian is more likely to break the rules and play nice than a trained soldier.

4) nobody wants to stay here

The Autobots originally planned to colonize earth, sure. That was before they got shot down, locked into stasis for who knows how long, and woke up to see an entire sapient civilization spring up from nowhere during their nap.

Optimus is Optimus, so it's plan B: freedom is the right of sentient beings, so we fix the ark and found new Cybertron somewhere else. Ideally, the human race won't realize they were ever here.

The Deceptions only care about crushing the Autobots and getting off this corrosive rock. Unless they can call home and summon an armada, it's just not *worth it* to pick a fight with humanity.

6) things I'd like to see

-Skyfire/Jetfire

Jetfire being one of the scouts, getting frozen in a callback to G1, and being found and thawed by some human scientists. He's just living his best life in a hidden lab, and only mildly worried about why Cybertron isn't answering his calls. Oh hey Starscream! When did you get the tattoo? (It's a bad breakup)

-Swindle

Our dystopian capitalist nightmare is Swindle's daydream paradise. He absolutely loves earth. #1 fan. He probably makes connections to the mob. Good times.

-Nightbird

Local mechanized AI (or ghost in the shell cyborg) has an emotional crisis, joins the deceptions. Beats up any Cons that disrespect her. No notes.

-Dinobots

"Wheeljack, why do our new security drones look like...that?"

"So there's this earth movie called "Jurassic Park"..."

Later:

"Wheeljack?"

"Yes optimus?"

"What happened to the sparks that we had in stasis?"

***Tyrannosaurs roar*** Me Grimlock Smash! (Panicked Decepticon screaming)

"Never mind, I think I figured it out."

-one sane adult human

Obvs theres a couple teens who pal around with the Autobots. There should be at least ONE adult in their early 20s as part of the group who's forced, however unwilling, to be the sole voice of reason. Aka: "I'M NOT TELLING YOUR PARENTS YOU GOT SQUISHED SNEAKING INTO AN EVIL ROBOT SPACESHIP"

"Then who's gonna pull off the rescue?"

"I AM!" (They instantly regret this decision, but They're at least old enough to make it)

-Shockwave as a late series villain

Shockwave has had command of the Decepticons ever since Megatron's Ill fated disappearance chasing after the Autobot Ark.

Having him return and upset Shockwave's centuries of effort holding onto the planets in the Deception Empire would be... Unfortunate. Perhaps it would be better if he stayed dead.... It's only logical.

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Okay but

When the Mata Nui matoran returned to metru nui

Did any of them actually listen to Dume? Or did they just treat him like an old man yelling at clouds and just go ask their real turaga instead.

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They think that, and then the Nuva meet the Rahaga in Metru nui.

Turaga Dume is too much of a wise and Stoic Responsible Civic Leader to dish out the gossip on the Turaga Metru to the Legendary Toa

...The Rahaga have no such qualms. They've waited a thousand years for this. If Bionicles had hair, the Rahaga's would be grey from just one year attempting to housetr- I mean Mentor the Toa Hordika/Toa Metru/Turaga Metru.

Norik gleefully Telling a Horrified Tahu about Vakama getting bonked with the Horny stick after one encounter with a Vortixx in heels.

Gaaki telling a mortified Gali about the time Nokama chased a small rahi up a tower on instinct and got stuck.

Iruini wheezing right along with Lewa as he talks about every time he used the spray bottle on Matau .

Pouks cackling as he watches Pohatu just... open a hole in the ground and bury himself in second hand embarrassment from hearing what Onewa got up to.

Bomonga has pictures of Whenua making a nest in the Archives to sleep in. Onua thinks it's precious. Whenua decides that maybe somethings shouldn't actually be preseved for posterity after all.

Kualus.... might have made a mistake, in hindsight, dodging ice bolts as Kopaka shouts "YOU'RE THE REASON I HAD TO LEARN TO SPEAK BIRD!"

it does kind of make me laugh to think about the Turaga Metru telling their story like "we almost came to blows... it was a dark time for us" "our new Rahi instincts actually lead us to fight physically at least on one occasion, we were so out of control" and meanwhile Kopaka and Tahu are sitting there listening and nodding along like "we have pulled actual swords on each other four times this week"

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A group of bohrok should be a called a disaster.

An avalanche of Kahlok

An eruption of tahnok

A flood of gahlok

An earthquake of nuhvok

A landslide of pahrak

A spill of Lehvak

In this essay I will-

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Jaller is a fun character because he starts out as

And then he ACTUALLY DIES.

And then he comes back, and just goes

"Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you just want to go apeshit?"

And he has God's braincells go on strike, correctly assumes that the missing toa are in over their heads, and Decides that he, a short-ass general who had one vacation in 1,000 years and DIED at the end of it- is gonna personally drag the nuva out of whatever they've gottent themselves into. He's not completely stupid, so he takes along an Air Force Pilot, a Mad Scientist, 2 Sports Stars, His friend the prophesied glitter hero with the care bear stare, and, as an added fuck you to the turaga, The Only Person Both Able And Willing to translate for Turaga Nuju.

Jaller has lost his ability to give a fuck and he's going to make it everyone's problem.

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There's 42 flavors of kraata power and every single one is BULLSHIT

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This post is how I know I've stayed on tumblr too long tonight. I'm going the fuck to sleep.

thinking about how wild it must have been to be like a roman or rly anywhere at the time the Christianity shit is sweeping through. dave my guy why are u all christed up i remember what u said about the christians 20 years ago.

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Imagine being the Bahrag.

Ok, hear me out.Say you work at , say the white house.

You’re the head of sanitation (along with your sister who also has the same job as you).

You get a notification that says, “Hey, time to do the landscaping.” So you get your crew together, and send them out to cut grass, pull weeds, trim shrubs or whatever. 

And then suddenly a bunch of secret service agents jump out of the bushes, and beat up your workers out of nowhere.

Understandably, you’d be very confused.

Then they kick down your door (after stealing your employee's keys to get in)

And THEN you realize these are the president’s PERSONAL secret service agents, and you’re even more confused, but you don’t have time to talk or ask questions because right now they’re beating the crap out of you ...and now you’re duct taped & Zip-tied to your sister (who also is co-head of sanitation and is as lost as you are), and then they leave you stuck on the floor of your office trussed up like a turkey without a single word.

Eventually You manage to fumble for your phone and call some upper level employees who were off today to come and get you because What, and I cannot stress this enough, The Fuck.

Except the Secret Service squad breaks into your office AGAIN once your employees find you and throw them all out a fucking window. and then they just. Leave. Again. 

With you tied up to your sister sitting on the floor. And you still don’t have a clue as to what the fuck is going on. 

And THEN. after who KNOWS how long, the Secret Service guys walk back in and go, “Uh, well this is awkward, but uh. We need you to finish landscaping now.” 

You can practically HEAR the curb your enthusiasm theme playing in the background. 

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Screaming about how I have to go through the process of making a twitter so I can @ YouTube and tell them to fix their brokenass search

Because its literally the ONLY way to contact them unless I'm filing a copyright claim and I can't even send tweet.

I hate the enshitification of the internet so much and I want to forcibly tar and feather every CEO responsible, the gibletheaded moneygrubbing cuntwaffles!