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deadcactuswalking · 1 year ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 18/11/2023 (Jack Harlow, Dua Lipa, Noah Kahan)

Content warning: Some language, brief sex references

Welp, we have two new songs debuting at #1 and #2 respectively on this week’s UK Singles Chart, which is pretty cool. Jack Harlow of all people snabs his first #1 with “Lovin’ on Me” and Dua Lipa trails right behind him at #2 with “Houdini”.

Rundown

Is it the last dying breath of 2023 or is 2024 just coming two months early? Either way, it’s a bit of a busy week to chalk through so let’s start as we always start: our notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, we bid adieu to a pretty large batch of songs, those being “ecstacy” by SUICIDAL-IDOL, “get him back!” by Olivia Rodrigo, “Back on 74” by Jungle, “City Boys” by Burna Boy, “Rush” by Troye Sivan, “fukumean” by Gunna, “Good Love” by Hannah Laing and RoRo, “Giving Me” by Jazzy, “Miracle” by Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding, and “Bad Habits” by Ed Sheeran - it’s a mixed bunch quality wise but these are, bar “Bad Habits”, some of the biggest and most interesting hit songs of 2023 all very quickly gone thanks to our invasion of new arrivals companioned with Christmas songs. Oh yeah, we should get to those, shouldn’t we?

Well, none are in the top 10 yet - “Last Christmas” is the highest at #26 - but entering the top 75 for the first time this year round are “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande at #71, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé at #68 and “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee at #65 - I could see that one having a particularly good year. As for the rest of our notable gains and returns, well, there’s not many, but we do see Lana Del Rey’s “Say Yes to Heaven” back at #64 and Chris Brown’s album help “Sensational” featuring Davido and Lojay peak at #45 - more on him later - and outside of the new songs, that’s pretty much it. Thankfully, we have a particularly interesting top five to sift through.

This week, our top five starts off pretty standard though there is a great deal of movement over here already, with “Stick Season” by Noah Kahan up at #5. Then we have the expected - “greedy” by Tate McRae at #4 and “Prada” by casso, RAYE and D-Block Europe at #3 - and then of course the two new leaders at the very front. Before we get to Dua Lipa and Mr. More than a Feature, however, we have a LOT to get through - like a whole damn back catalogue, really - so let’s run through all 11 of them.

NEW ARRIVALS

#73 - “Nightmares” - Chris Brown featuring Byron Messia

Produced by Chopstix and Chris Brown

It is pretty telling that a lot of the traction for this new Chris Brown album comes from collaborations with other artists, many of whom are lesser known than he is, but I don’t like to waste much breath on this guy and his album that debuted at #11 this week - fitting for an album named 11:11 - so I’ll try and be brief. Chris Brown’s Auto-Tuned false Patois does not fit this more minimal, arguably chalky dancehall vibe at all, even if this is closer to Afrobeats to anything. He just sounds so desperate and false here, which may not have anything to do with genre choice and more just over-selling content that is pretty murky and violent, deserving more of the Byron Messia treatment, though even he is over-doing it a bit, though he of course much more easily catches a rhythm here. The content isn’t bad at least, and the beat, whilst there’s not much to it, is well-produced enough, and also partly self-produced so there’s some merit there.

#60 - “Evergreen” - Ritchy Mitch & the Coal Miners

Produced by Nicolas Haughn

Ritchy Mitch & the Coal Miners are an American indie folk group and this song’s from 2017. Also, TikTok is a social media application used to post short video clips with accompanying sounds or music. Now that we’ve established what it is and why it’s charting, is the viral sleeper hit any good this time around? Well, it’s barely a song, standing as a pretty abstract one-and-a-half-minutes, but there is a lot to like in those low harmonies, the slightly muddy cackling of acoustics where the percussion sounds terrible and that just helps the campfire song aesthetic of it all, and especially the confused set of lyrics, with the guy just being lost and that’s pretty much all that’s sure: he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place, he’s anxious about it, but anything more is speculation because there’s not much to the song lyrically, or at all, and that’s honestly completely fine with me. For the one minute it sits in, it’s pretty compelling and that first time the drums come in is a pretty great wham moment so can’t really complain. Sure, I’d prefer… maybe something to keep it going, but it’s not like it can overstay its welcome. Welcome to the charts, coal miners. I’m pretty sure that’s what J. Cole’s fanbase are called.

#51 - “When We Were Young (The Logical Song)” - David Guetta and Kim Petras

Produced by David Guetta and T.I Jakke

The story of this song starts all the way back in 1979, with progressive pop band Supertramp’s “The Logical Song”. One of their most highly-acclaimed songs, it peaked at #7 - Art Garfunkel’s “Bright Eyes” was #1 - and has enjoyed a lot of retrospective acclaim, even if not being that recognised in its original version, oddly enough like Supertramp’s other hit from that album, “Breakfast in America”, which you may know better as Gym Class Heroes’ “Cupid’s Chokehold”. Anyway, “The Logical Song” is a brilliantly composed track with a lot of pop and some fantastic lyrics about conforming, a song that shows a man desperate for an identity. Also, it has a saxophone solo so it’s immediately a great song. Roger Hodgson based the lyrics off of his experience in boarding school, and for a pop track with such zest, it also conveys a lot of frustration and bursts of energy. So naturally, it needs a happy hardcore remix from German trance outfit Scooter… and I may even like it more. For whatever reason, this German version of a London band’s song became an anthem in Glasgow, and deserves to, because even if the sample may be cheap and obvious, they evolve this song into some bizarre night out at a rave club, with H.P. Baxxter yelling complete nonsense in the interim between the randomly-placed Supertramp hook. Oh, and putting the Amen break behind the original hook is kind of genius. The song peaked at #2 in 2002, kept off the top by yet another remix, that being “A Little Less Conversation” by Elvis and JXL. Whilst very different, both of these versions of the song I would describe as being incredibly human and nuanced. So you know who needs to get their grubby mits on it? David Guetta and Kim Petras, of course. I feel like I don’t need to tell you what they do with this one, it’s got the Eurodance pianos and the typical trance kicks but nothing over-the-top enough to justify the chill-out pianos that sound ripped straight off of Robert Miles or the pitch-shifted hook. I’m sure for some people the lyrics mean more or gain another layer of resonance coming from a trans woman; I could fully see that interpretation. Musically, though, it’s uninspired, and missing the vast majority of the character that both versions had. Bring Baxxter back on the charts, man.

#44 - “LALALALA” - Stray Kids

Produced by Bang Chan (3RACHA), VERSACHOI and Cubeatz

So… this is Stray Kids, a K-pop boy band, and this is from their new album… and this is the kind of K-pop I remember from the 2010s. We have the blending of unrelated genres mashed together into barely-sequenced, chaotic songs with a lot of try-hard rapping and Auto-Tune, stopped in their tracks by random, English-infused melodic pivots, and an overall sound that’ll be dated within five years. I don’t know what to make of this though because, well, it’s done kind of gracefully. The boys can flow pretty well over this mix of Jersey club rhythm, drift-phonk cowbells and drill-esque flowing sub-bass, and the pre-drop leading into the drop is so cinematic it kind of works for me, especially considering the sheer level of… sound quantity in that drop, all of which just blends into a muddy pile of monogenre “cool pop music sounds”. The trap breakdown from Cubeatz is surprisingly smooth too, and the fake-out bridge leading into the final chorus is… actually kind of hype. I didn’t think I’d be into this, and I’m not entirely sure that I fully am, but this has me… compelled. There’s also a “rock version” which goes way harder than it should, that pre-chorus is perfect for that kind of sound and the phonk elements translate surprisingly well into electric guitar. So yeah, shout-out these guys, I suppose. Whoda thunk?

#41 - “Angel Numbers / Ten Toes” - Chris Brown

Produced by Hitmaka, Haze, DSTRK, RoccStar, Troy Taylor, LNKmusic, Slim Pharaoh, Zuus, Ebby and JuanRa

So this is the opening track to that Chris Brown album and is essentially two songs put together, hence why it has 10 Goddamn producers. The first half, “Angel Numbers”, is a glorified intro with a cheap acoustic guitar loop and your typically Auto-Tune-drenched performance from Breezy here, including inappropriately upbeat ad-libs as he tries to heal himself, but a whole lot of that self-improvement and “healing” comes mostly from this girl because of course it does. I will admit that the panning static and synth blend that transitions the two tracks is pretty smooth, which I’d argue it has to be when you have the budget of 10 producers, even if the end goal beat of “Ten Toes” isn’t all that different, just with a murkier mix and Rod Wave-esque basic trap percussion. You know you’re UK chart-brained when you can start hearing D-Block Europe in songs, but come on, this beat isn’t that far off, right? As for Breezy on here, the content isn’t awful, even if it’s drowned in clichés, but it’s also not special and I am not really interested in hearing bragging from Chris Brown. That “anxiety” refrain is very catchy, however, and his slightly raspy, powerful delivery on it does resonate pretty well, even if some of the ad-libbed harmonies are over-the-top, but that’s as to be expected with him. It’s really not terrible, but the standard - especially for a song professing to have as many layers as this one appears to - should be higher.

#27 - “Selecta” - Chase & Status featuring Stefflon Don

Produced by Chase & Status

So Chase & Status released an album, 2 RUFF, Vol. 1, and perhaps expectedly due to their surprisingly big run recently, it debuted at #4 on this week’s albums chart. I haven’t heard it yet but have had mostly mixed opinions on the singles, and whilst Stefflon Don isn’t exactly someone who’d convince me on a track, I was slightly interested to see what was going on here and it’s… functional, barely. I like the focus on atmosphere that Chase & Status typically use as their main approach, but the electric guitars - and Stefflon Don’s badly-mixed vocal take - are very compressed, overly so, and it prevents the atmospheric intro from really translating into the verses. I know the guitar is sampled from Ashanti’s “Only U” - as is much of the rhythm and percussion - but it doesn’t particularly work in that ugly slog of a song either. Sure, it peaked at #2 in 2005 - behind, again for a bizarre 2000s moment, Elvis Presley - but it’s one of those 2000s R&B tracks that always came off as more creepy than sexy as intended, which I guess is not the worst fit for this kind of intensity in the Chase & Status version. I do think the chorus goes relatively hard, and the switch into double-time breakbeats is fun! I just wish there was more of a song here, I guess. I’m usually really easy to win over with drum and bass, especially with this which is semi-ragga jungle influenced and should be a slam dunk for me, but a lot of distorted energy from Stefflon Don isn’t enough to make this feel a bit malformed of a track. Hell, maybe it would have gone harder without being drum and bass at all.

#20 - “Nice to meet you” - PinkPantheress featuring Central Cee

Produced by Cash Cobain, PinkPantheress and Count Baldor

I really did love that new PinkPantheress album, Heaven knows, and it’s a shame we only get one song from the record debuting, especially since 1.) the album only debuted at #28 on the albums chart, which is a real shame, and 2.) this is probably my least favourite song on the entire album, and not actually because of Central Cee. In fact, quite the opposite. Now for the record, I still like the song, it’s got the bouncy drum and bass groove you’d expect and the detailed synthscape of a production that feels miniature in sound but ultimately massive in scope. I did say my thoughts on the album on RateYourMusic so won’t elaborate much here, but she really did expand her songwriting abilities here on this record. This song is the worst example, where much of the chorus relies on a drop into a frankly kind of unpleasant and dull extended syllable, and her one verse is pretty generic for her standards, as well as having a quite staccato delivery that’s somewhat disappointing. Then midway through, Cench comes in and just kind of takes the song for his own. We get some cute strings before he comes in and they serve as the foundation for the beat in his part, with Cench delivering a lot of detail, some cute little flows, much of what you’d expect from him, and whilst he’s not mixed well, he rides it fine, and the transition into a drill rhythm is well done… but after Cench’s verse ends, the song just kind of gives up, with some minimal backing vocals echoing off of a coating of synths and the remainer of the drums but that really is all it is by the end, and I don’t exactly know why that decision was made, it just renders the song incomplete for me. It is still a good song - it’s catchy, the production is intricate and ultimately there’s a lot of fun to be had here, with even some cute moments of chemistry between the two - but it’s far from great… like you know, the rest of that album.

#18 - “Murdaside” - Mazza_l20 and Pistol Po

Produced by JxmieMusic and TylianMTB

I feel like these guys wouldn’t be offended by me saying they are complete and utter nobodies who probably shouldn’t be charting this high, because it is just the truth, but they have the streams to back it up, and I can tell why. Sure, the vocal mixing is clearly amateur, the two don’t have great delivery, and the Merseyside accent is kind of funny, but the flow is solid and they go for an intense, very bass-heavy horrorcore kind of feel mixing elements of that 2000s 50 Cent-esque sound people like Digga D have tried to revive with more subtle trap skitters and drill percs, and it’s quite interesting. I don’t like Pistol Po here, mostly because I can’t 100% tell if he’s joking or not with his downbeat delivery and repetition of the “29” line, which seems almost like he’s setting up a sketch, but otherwise, it’s a decent little homemade song. And for the actual reason it’s charting, Aitch and Potter Payper have verses on the remix, which is pretty good. Sure, I could do without Aitch trying his best to be menacing, when he can’t ever pull that off, and it would be cool if Mazza had re-recorded his vocals to fit better with the more high-budget guest features, but Potter Payper - even when censored - sounds excellent on this production, mostly because he actually has some natural violence and venom to him. He also replaces the mediocre Pistol Po so I can’t complain. There are also four other remixes, the “ScouseMix” with Aystar, who’s pretty boring, a “BrumMix” with Birmingham rapper RM, who barely has enough time to make an impression, and then other remixes with Loski, whose recording is worse quality than Mazza, and SJ, who goes pretty effortlessly hard. In fact, since that version also gets rid of Pistol Po, it’s probably my favourite because it’s the coldest of them all, even if there’s only just one verse of difference across most versions. Either version you listen to, it’s oddly hypnotic, and really, listening to all these versions has kind of convinced me that the foundation of it is actually brilliant. I don’t know if this is more than a novelty, but I wonder how much staying power it’ll have.

#16 - “Northern Attitude” - Noah Kahan

Produced by Gabe Simon and Noah Kahan

Okay, he’s convinced me. Mostly because of the lyrics. I like the picked bluegrass rumble in that acoustic flitter, and Kahan is far from as nasal as he has been on past tracks I’ve heard from him, in fact giving a quite frail falsetto delivery at times that’s pretty heart-breaking, and that sudden development into a stomp-rock belter is pulled off surprisingly well. The lyrics though are what I like the most - in functions in a similar vein to “The Logical Song” in that it’s about the struggles of finding identity in adulthood, but instead of that coming from a more naive perspective, Kahan’s kind of talking down here, perhaps condescendingly, to someone who had all that and lost it, not through wrong-doing but through pure complacency and just lack of change, has led to a depressing, routine life that Kahan’s going to blame on the fact he was brought up in “cold” New England. It’s a middle-life crisis song, essentially, but with a bitter, pissy perspective that is pretty much only there because of the chosen second-person tense of the song. It’s fascinating, it reminds me almost of Toby Keith’s “How Do You Like Me Now?!”, except withb the history of Kahan’s relationship with this person being much less clear. The change of tense to Kahan speaking as if this person was himself I think doesn’t show this magical twist that the person is him after all, what it makes me speculate is that our narrator knows this eventually WILL be him, and that’s why that “Northern Attitude” is so relevant. He’s seeing this happen to the people who raised him, and that’s why he’s so bitter about it: he’s eventually going to be just as cold and broken as them. This is a fantastic song, it’s not charting purely because of that as there is a duet version with Hozier that doesn’t really change the song in any substantial way other than have Hozier sing parts of it solo and in harmony with Kahan. It’s not a better mix or anything, it’s just the song with Hozier now, there are no substantial lyric additions or changes, and Hozier adds little more perspective since there are already two characters in the song, and Hozier’s delivery is honestly kind of awkward. I like Hozier fine, but I much prefer the solo version in this case. Still, can’t really do much wrong with this good of a composition and set of lyrics.

#2 - “Houdini” - Dua Lipa

Produced by Kevin Parker and Danny L Harle

I don’t even need to say much here to introduce this, right? Danny L Harle, Tame Impala, Dua Lipa - I’m on board, let’s go. It’s got a solidly atmospheric intro in that it cuts to the chase immediately into an undeniable rumble of a synth-funk groove, especially with those “Billie Jean”-esque lead synths. The kind of static, acid-y synths feel oddly dry, in that they’ve dried for too long and Dua and co. are struggling to pick everything back up from the fence it dried on. Meanwhile, Dua “comes and goes” - the double meaning isn’t hard - and just wants some in-the-moment love, having gained a reputation for being a bit of a “Houdini”. The character is careless, not desperate for this guy but almost menacing, like she’s on his mind at all times. There’s a hot-and-heavy intensity to this, especially with how the bass In the left channel kind of clashes with the tighter synths, it’s actually a really odd-feeling mix sometimes. I wish there was more to the bridge than just Tame Impala playing with some keys, maybe a really bass-heavy moment, but I understand why they don’t do that - the song needs to be ephemeral to an extent and the bridge slides very well into the final chorus. This is pretty obviously great, maybe not excellent, but it does have me very excited for what’s coming next, even if it doesn’t fully exceed what expectations I had for this.

#1 - “Lovin’ on Me” - Jack Harlow

Produced by OZ, Nik D and Sean Momberger

Now what expectations did I have for this? None, and it still sucks ass. Jack Harlow “proving he can rap” after a lot of fans jumped ship due to the lazy pop pivot of Come Home the Kids Miss You by dropping a fleeting, not-nearly-as-interesting-as-he-thinks-it-is conscious tape and then returning back to what got him the #1 when he realised that chasing credibility matters much less to him than bank statements - it is just the natural progression, but the fact that it worked, and so extraordinarily well, is what surprises me, Hell, even saddens me. At least in the hook of “First Class” there was some fun wordplay and a call-and-response to be had, though to be fair, he’s not charting a hit song, instead the groovy obscurity “Whatever” by Cadillac Dale, which is honestly a bit of a bizarre find for his producers, I commend them on finding such a catchy hook that feels like it’s straight from, I don’t know, Ginuwine, in a random new jack swing song that I couldn’t find on most streaming services. With that said, it’s just a loop. A catchy loop, but a loop, a mindless, hypnotic loop that gets real tired really damn fast. It plays under factorial hyphy beats, and Harlow doesn’t learn the lesson from “First Class” as he gives up trying to write an actual chorus in the second half and just does a deadpan harmony of the sample. He’s saying so little in the verses, and what he does say is about as charming as the Shrek character he references with his staccato flow. This is mind-numbing, why is he spelling words all the time? Why is he whispering? Wake up, Jackman! I know this is supposed to be dumb fun, but hey, you can’t use that defence when it’s clear that no-one on this song is having that. At least I got one laugh out of him starting the hook of the song just stating unabashedly that he is white and boring to have sex with. I don’t think he needed to say it, exactly, the song already gave that impression and then some.

Conclusion

Yes, of course, Jack Harlow easily snabs Worst of the Week for “Lovin’ on Me” and bizarrely enough, Chris Brown dodges the Dishonourable Mention. That’s going to “When We Were Young (The Logical Song)” by David Guetta and Kim Petras. As for the best, it’s much trickier because for a busy week, it was also quite a positive one and Noah Kahan probably has the Best of the Week locked with “Northern Attitude”, though Dua Lipa, much like she is on the actual chart, trails close behind with “Houdini” as the Honourable Mention. As for what’s on the horizon, I don’t know, Santa Claus and Drake. Thank you for reading and I’ll see you next week!

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