#by the way uh. i played most of this in september 2021. almost two years ago now

[nikatyler]

The End.

[toxicpineapple]

Well, this year is coming to a close!!! Here are my favourite writings from the year 2020 :)

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January:

“A penchant for looking at rocks”, the first ever Amamota fic I wrote (it’s been a long fucking year, haha) and another 5+1 things fic! Buckle down LGBTQ+ community because there are a lot of these, in fact I’m pretty sure I started off last year’s compilation with a 5+1 things fic? Anyway, this one was the five times Kaito helps Rantaro when he’s hurt, plus the one time Rantaro helps Kaito. I love me some good whump and I felt I had to choose this one because it’s one of my favourites just generally speaking.

Content Warnings: Injuries, tending to injuries, asthma attacks.

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February:

“Ibuki Mioda’s Kisses”, which I wrote for day fourteen of Femslash February. Boy, if I thought I wrote a lot in January, just take a moment to peek at February 2020… I was churning out a fic daily for the entire month. I don’t regret it though! I got to write a lot of characters who I haven’t written a lot, and explore a whole lot of prompts, and if I can remove my head from my ass I fully intend on participating in Femslash February again next year. Ibuki Mioda’s Kisses is the piece I wrote for Valentine’s Day, which was my two year anniversary with my boyfriend, so I wanted to write something special commemorating our relationship. No idea how I’m going to top that in 2021, but uh, check out the fic! It’s cute and I like to think it’s clever.

Content Warnings: The Mortifying Ideal Of Discovering Oneself, secondhand embarrassment, bad kisses. (I mean in the sense that texturally they’re just, unpleasant. It’s about asexuality, alright.)

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March:

“Adventure”, which I wrote for day five of Amasai Week, which was the first ship week I hosted and participated in in 2020! This was the longest piece that I wrote, and my favourite, just because I really really love the childhood friends trope, and I liked writing Shuichi and Rantaro as children, adventuring together and just having a fantastic time. Amasai Week actually took place while one of my parrots stayed overnight at the emergency vet after a fight with another one, so it was a pretty stressful time for me, but I’m proud of myself for completing it and looking forward to hosting Amasai Week again in 2020! Stay tuned, we’ve almost got the prompts worked out.

Content Warnings: None.

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April:

“A couple of ghosts”, which is the fic I wrote for Kaito’s birthday! I see we’ve reached the part of 2020 where I met my abuser, which, yaaaaay, but also, I’m still really proud of this fic, despite how much I kind of associate it with him now! It’s the fic where I said, y’know what, no, we can’t have nice things, and gave Kaito a horrible, traumatic reason for his fear of ghosts, as well as two dead parents. It’s Saimota though and there’s a cute hurt/comfort scene at the end so go ahead and check it out if you want.

Content Warnings: Car accidents, minor character death, injuries, PTSD.

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May:

“Are you down to play?”, the fic that I wrote for day four of Saimota Week, wherein Shuichi has a secret and Kaito makes a bet with Kaede to figure it out. Man, if you thought I had bad associations with the fic I chose for April, look at this one, haha. But it’s objectively the best writing piece I uploaded that month, I’m really proud of my characterisation and the scenes in the fic, and hopefully someday I’ll be able to read this piece without thinking about him. :)

Content Warnings: None! This one’s just a fluffy feel good fic.

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June:

“Tamago kake gohan”, the Sonanami canon compliant hurt/comfort fic I wrote for my friend Void’s birthday. I put out a whopping three one shots in June because I’d really hit the swing of my roleplaying and hadn’t adjusted to it well enough to be writing fic at the same time yet, so, yeah. This one’s cute, though! Sonia is sad about Gundham and then Chiaki makes her some food. They’re sapphic.

Content Warnings: Canonical character death.

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July:

“Good night”, the Amasai 5+1 things that I wrote for my friend Neb’s birthday! This is the five times Saihara slept in front of Amami, plus the one time Rantaro slept in front of Shuichi. It’s cute! They’re tender! It features the trope where you sleep in front of a loved one! I love that trope! And it’s Neb’s favourite so I had to go for it, hehe. These two are cute boys and they deserve to be happy.

Content Warnings: Breakdowns, nightmares. (But neither is from the narrator’s perspective.)

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August:

“Making that dream come true”, the royalty AU Kaede and Rantaro become friends fic that I wrote while I briefly hyperfixated back on my royalty AU. I got into another writing groove during this time so I actually have a lot of really good fics up from August (including Mutual Vulnerability… Amamotas I’m sorry to have cucked you like this that fic was so damn good) but this one was my favourite. I love writing in first person, and I love writing platonic relationships, and someday I’m going to write the multichapter that this fic sets up for.

Content Warnings: Arranged marriages, and something else but it’s a secret, shhh.

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September:

“A lot of firsts”, the Harumami fic I wrote for the first day of Amami Week, which is a personal writing challenge that I did this year to celebrate the week leading up to Amami’s birthday. September was a really dry writing month for me, partly because of the roleplay stuff and partly because of personal issues, but I’m still proud of the heteroeroticism (heh) in this one. Maki and Rantaro have chemistry, what can I say.

Content Warnings: Stab injuries (not from Maki to Rantaro, please).

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October:

“October 3rd”, the second fic I wrote for Rantaro’s birthday, and also the Oumami fic that I wrote for day seven of Amami Week. I’m a fan of most of the fics I wrote in October (I wouldn’t gift someone a fic I’m not proud of and most of the fics I wrote, including this one, were gift fics) but this one is my favourite just because of the introspection, and also because of the fact that I got to write Ouma, because he’s always so much fun. I enjoyed writing the two of them going back and forth and have another Oumami fic on the way so stay tuned, haha.

Content Warnings: None.

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November:

“It is what it is”, the fic I wrote for day four of Amamota week, which takes place when Rantaro is an adult, and out at a bar with his friends, where he meets Kaito and goes for a walk outside. It’s a melancholic piece for sure, but I like capturing those vibes with my fics, and I got to write a group interaction which is always one of my favourite things to do. Amamota is my biggest comfort pairing and I’m glad that I got to host Amamota Week this year, because I enjoy those two so much. :) Great chemistry.

Content Warnings: Recreational alcohol use (everyone is drinking legally and tentatively responsibly), general sad vibes idk.

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December:

Okay, honestly, I haven’t posted anything yet this month aside from a vent, and since the vent I posted talks about my eating disorder and it’s not really very good writing anyway, I don’t feel comfortable putting it on this list. I have a multichapter holiday themed Oumami fic on the way that I will hopefully finish before the end of the year, as well as a fic I’m working on for a writing and art trade that I ABSOLUTELY need to get off my ass and work on, so those will hopefully be out by the end of 2020.

But yeah, that aside, that’s the complete list of my favourite fics from 2020. It’s been a long year and I’m glad to have stayed a member of the Danganronpa fandom through it. I really appreciate all the friends I’ve made, and the fun times I’ve had while I’ve been here.

2020 has treated me pretty terribly, haha. I met someone who I really wish I could’ve gone without, and my health has suffered, and I’m hoping to be able to start my recovery properly in 2021. Guess if I have a new year’s resolution, it’s to let go of what he did to me and start trying to get better. So I’m going to work on it! I can’t say that I think 2021 is going to be anybody’s year, but maybe it’s not about what the universe has in store for us so much as it is about what we make of it.

I hope everyone who reads this has a wonderful new year, I love you all dearly, thanks so much for the support and the laughs, and I’ll keep on hanging around and spreading my Amami propaganda.

Someone has to, haha.

[weloveabigblackcar]

I’d just like to introduce you to these random characters my siblings and I made up on a long car ride. Last year they had to go through the atrocity of being quarantined with the rest of us.

Without further ado... meet these absolute weirdos.

Quarantine from Adam’s Point of View

March 14, 2020-Day 1

So, the whole world is under quarantine right now because some geniuses decided that eating bats would be a good idea. Yeah, that wasn’t the smartest way to go guys. We have a pandemic now… Thanks…

Anyway, I have decided to document the IQ of me, James, and Garth as it slowly decreases. Not that we had a lot to begin with, but having us all cooped up for a long time in one place is bound to go pear-shaped at some point.

We didn’t really do anything today other than process the fact that we’re going to have to stay in one place for who knows how long instead of driving around the country. But I’m sure things will get more interesting as time goes on.

March 18, 2020-Day 5

Today, we braved the outdoors and went to the store to stock up. It was like the entire population was at the store, it was awful. We ended up buying lots of things we needed, and a lot more that we didn’t need. Today has been a lesson to never bring Garth shopping. We lost her a total of six times, and when we did have her with us, she kept pulling puppy eyes whenever she wanted something even though she’s 17. There’s got to be something about her being an alien that makes it so you can’t resist it. Dang it Garth.

March 27, 2020-Day 14

James keeps asking if deer can get the virus because he’s been worrying about his family. In case you were wondering, no, James is not a nature freak, yes, I said his family are deer (kind of), and yes, James is a deer... on occasion. It’s kinda weird, but so are Garth and I. I mean, she’s an alien and I’m English so there really isn’t that much of a difference.

Also today, I read an entire 900-page book. It was really nice until I realized I hadn’t been interrupted yet. So I went on an adventure to go find the children, aka James and Garth, and found them playing Monopoly. Neither of them knows how to play Monopoly, and they lost the rules, so they resorted to using the money to gamble for pop tarts. I don’t think they know how to gamble either because usually, you’re gambling for the money, not the other way around. But thank you, James, for gambling away all of my pop tarts. I can never forgive you.

April 7, 2020-Day 25

So we’re trying to make our own food today because we ran out of Eggo waffles. It’s been interesting so far. Garth pulled out all the Kool-Aid from her stash that we bought like two weeks ago that she said she’d use, but hasn’t. So now we’re making Kool-Aid pickles, and we haven’t even had breakfast yet.

Upon realizing we couldn’t eat the pickles yet, we decided to see how many different foods we could make with Kool-Aid. We made some cookies and popsicles, but then, after accepting the fact that none of us can really effectively make food, resorted to adding to our mess of flour on the ceiling and eggs on the walls by making finger paint (out of Kool-Aid) and painting the counters. We made a huge mess, obviously, and spent the remaining hours of the day cleaning and realizing that we actually don’t have anything better to do with our lives.

April 15, 2020-Day 33

Today James learned that Garth doesn’t know how to use a toaster. We had no idea she didn’t know how to use it, and I guess we just assumed she did because she looks human enough, but she’s not… They had a conversation from across the house that went along the lines of this:

James- “Garth?!”

Garth- “What?”

James- “The toaster’s on fire!”

Garth- “What?!”

James- “The. Toaster. Is. On. Fire!”

Garth- “Well yeah, I heard you.”

James- “Garth..?”

Garth- “...Yes?”

James- “Uh… How many pieces of bread did you put in the toaster?”

Garth- “Three…? I think.”

James- “Garth, you can’t put three pieces of bread in the toaster!”

Garth- “Why not?”

James- “Maybe because it’s only made for one piece of bread? Maybe because if you put in more than one it catches on fire?”

Garth- “Well, that’s dumb. What if I want three pieces of toast?”

James- “Buy yourself a bigger toaster Garth, buy yourself a bigger toaster. Or cook them one at a time, but you should just buy a bigger toaster so I don’t have to cook my toasts individually.”

And then James walked away leaving the toaster on fire. It was kind of entertaining. Who am I kidding, it was the most entertaining thing that’s happened all week even though the house almost burnt down and I had to clean it up. If I’m being honest though, I’m glad that I was the one cleaning it up because after last time... I’m the only one I trust with a fire extinguisher.

April 29, 2020-Day 47

I can now say that I have mastered the art of knitting, and I am not too proud of it. I’ve made sweaters, socks, and hats for the three of us because knitting takes up a lot of time, and I have run out of other, even slightly productive things to do. I also made little caps to stick on the ends of James’s antlers just because I can. Garth thinks they’re absolutely hilarious. She also thinks the fact that I taught myself how to knit from YouTube is hilarious too. She’s just jealous that I can do something she can’t.

May 4, 2020-Day 52

Today, my friends, is Star Wars day. We merged today and tomorrow so that we could eat tacos in our ship. It’s taco day tomorrow, also known as Cinco De Mayo, if you didn’t figure it out already and yeah… we built a ship. It’s in the living room, correction, it is the living room now, and it probably won’t leave for the rest of quarantine. We made it out of a bunch of cardboard and it took all of yesterday to put together, but it was totally worth it. We put the tv in there and a bunch of pillows and blankets. There’s also a table and a bunch of junk food. Not like we have anything else at this point. Well, we have the pickles… but no one is brave enough to try them yet. The ship fort is pretty cozy though. Garth said that she wants to live in it until this thing is over and I honestly won’t be surprised if she does.

May..? 2020?? Day… I’ve Lost Count

We haven’t been outside in the past two weeks and we’ve been living off of the Kool-Aid pickles that we made a while ago and Garth’s hoard of Pop-Tarts that are technically mine. I don’t know what day it is anymore, I’ve stopped keeping track because there really isn’t any point in doing so. I don’t even know if it’s May anymore. It might be June or maybe it’s September, who knows. It might even be 2021 I don’t know.

Garth now resides on the ceiling of our spaceship in a blanket cocoon and hasn’t come out since the week of Cinco De Mayo. She only lets me and James in sometimes for movie nights and if she needs food. I think she’s trying to hide the fact that she hasn’t slept in a month (which honestly doesn’t surprise me) and has binge-watched all of Doctor Who and is now starting on Supernatural. Aside from Garth, James and I have kept ourselves somewhat entertained. We learned how to play the spoons last week and it turns out that in you do it by ‘Garth’s’ spaceship, the creature will emerge and socialize for a few minutes. We’ve also learned how to do a bunch of random things like saying hello in 48 different languages, how to properly tie a tie (even though we’ll probably never exercise that skill again), how to cut an onion without crying, and how to escape being mummied with duct tape… that one took a while and a lot of tape.

I think it’s official that we’ve gone completely stir crazy and even when we get out of this, we’ll probably still be mentally impaired from this experience. I won’t be able to write anymore because I’ve run out of space and James needs as much attention as a newborn so farewell until… another time.

[racingtoaredlight]

THE DEGENERATE’S GUIDE TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL TV WATCH ‘EM UPS 2021: WEEK TWO, A MUDDLED AND MAUDLIN WEEK OF MAYHEM IN HONOR OF THOSE WE LOST

RTARL would like to extend our warmest holiday wishes to those who celebrate and, even if you don’t, happy 9/11. Now who’s ready for some FOOTBALL!!!!?!?!

So after two weeks of games that combine to count as only one official week even though some teams have already played twice we have only one real question answered: is Alabama still good? Yes, they are. Everything else is still liquefying vapor.

I am assuming everybody is waiting with baited breath for an RTARLsman but I don’t have anything yet. I guess the not-Master Teague RBs on Ohio State are the frontrunners for now. Or that one guy from that one team who was good. You know who I mean.

Saturday, September 11

Matchup    Time (ET)     TV/Mobile

Illinois at Virginia   11:00am   ACCN

Jeff George won Citrus Bowl MVP for the Illini against the Hoos in his last game as a student athlete before becoming the #1 overall pick in the 1990 NFL Draft. Based on this history it is safe to presume that whoever the QB is for Illinois today will be the #1 pick in 2022.

VMI at Kent State   11:30am   ESPN3

I’m not sure on this but maybe this game is cancelled.

WKU at Army    11:30am   CBSSN

Army is favored by 6. I bet this game is boring.

Norfolk State at Wake Forest    12:00pm   ACCNX

I don’t see a line listed but whatever it is bet against Wake covering.

Indiana State at Northwestern     12:00pm    BTN

This game is an act of terrorism.

Alabama State at 25 Auburn     12:00pm    SECN

Real body bag season starts today, huh?

Youngstown State at Michigan State  12:00pm   BTN

The Michigan State running back is the guy I was trying to think of earlier! He’s pretty good. Not good enough to make me watch this but I will check on his stats every so often.

Tulsa at Oklahoma State   12:00pm   FS1

I bet Mike Gundy has some really salient thoughts on the 20th anniversary of 9/11 and I can’t wait to hear them.

South Carolina at East Carolina   12:00pm      ESPN2

South Carolina is a two point favorite against an East Carolina team that is, per my understanding, not exactly good. So I can only extrapolate that South Carolina is likewise not good.

Pitt at Tennessee  12:00pm   ESPN

Look, I’m not going to pretend this is good television but if Pitt rocks their classic yellow helmets and Tennessee wears non-alternates the colors on the screen will at least be pleasing. The thought of the actual football involved hurts my brain but it’s interesting that the points have gone from a consensus pick ‘em to Pitt -3 over the course of the week. Does Tennessee have any players that are good enough that by missing the game they could impact the gambling that much? Or are people just squaring themselves with the fact the the Vols are really and truly a ruined burnt out hole of a football program? Pound the latter.

12 Oregon at 3 Ohio State  12:00pm   FOX

Losing Kayvon Thibideaux certainly isn’t going to help Oregon but he’s not usually on the field as a run stopper anyway and if Ohio State learned anything last week it’s that they can just run until they feel like throwing a pass. Oregon actually has some legit talent on the d-line besides Thibideaux but the Ducks are gonna be hard-pressed to keep things within two scores here.

Miami (Ohio) at Minnesota   12:00pm   ESPN

If Oregon can’t make a game of it in Columbus look out because this time block is an absolute wasteland. There is scant reason to turn the TV on for the early schedule other than gambling purposes.

Kennesaw State at Georgia Tech   12:00pm    RSN/ESPN3

Georgia Tech probably should have closed up shop after Paul Johnson retired. Either that or just absolutely slathered the football program in dollars. The Yellow Jackets being unable to land any big time recruits while playing in Atlanta is a real mindfuck. They aren’t a AA program playing dress up in a “power” conference they’ve got actual history. I don’t mean to give the impression I want them to be good but I don’t understand how they can be such fodder for so long.

13 Florida at USF    1:00pm    ABC

Remember that year when USF was the best program in the state? Wild stuff. Weird, wild stuff. I know the deal with UF is that they don’t go out of state for contract games but it’s actually kind of surprising they even bothered to keep this trip to Tampa on the schedule. Like the area recruits would probably be happier to go see a game at The Swamp than to kick around their hometown for a pile of shit like this.

Wyoming at NIU    1:30pm   ESPN+

I’m not gonna open the ESPN app for this but if it was on ESPN2 I’d probably check in on it during commercials. Aesthetically pleasing trash with an upside for actual entertainment.

Middle Tennessee at 19 Virginia Tech    2:00pm   ACCNX

Virginia Tech’s home crowd scene was the normie story of last week’s games. People that don’t watch college football were either aghast or frantically waving their blue lives matter flags in response. Us in this space just ate the shame and forgot it happened by the time Saturday’s games kicked off. My theory is that VPI is not actually any good but UNC’s 2020 season was a well-timed fluke and the last hurrah of Mack Brown’s storied coaching career. The Hokies are at home, though, and MTSU is almost certainly not on the same athletic level as the Turkey Gobblers so I’d probably take the home team -20 if I were so inclined to wager on this particular game that is being broadcast on the ACC’s new pornography channel.

Rutgers at Syracuse    2:00pm    ACCN

Holy fuck does this game suck. Reuniting former Big East, uh, rivals (??? does Rutgers have any natural enemies?) in a cross-conference classic betwixt the B1G and the ACC.

Duquesne at Ohio   2:00pm   ESPN3

I don’t think I need to explain to you all the national title implications riding on this game.

Toledo at 8 Notre Dame    2:30pm     Peacock

Just remember that if you subscribe to Peacock you are at the very least tacitly supporting Notre Dame. If for some reason you’re watching this please report back on how many of those defensive pick plays Notre Dame runs. They were doing that shit constantly against Florida State last week and it drove me nuts. I think the idea is that you are so flagrantly illegal so often that the refs grow numb to it and just don’t call it at all.

Robert Morris at Central Michigan     3:00pm    ESPN3

Not to be outdone by the early games, the 3 o’clock set is equally terrible.

Purdue at UConn    3:00pm    CBSSN

I bet Edsall still gets bonuses for stupid shit even now that he’s retired or whatever the official designation was for him no longer coaching.

Boston College at UMass    3:30pm    FloFootball/NESN+

I don’t know what FloFootball is but I know it isn’t anything to do with the state of Florida.

Ball State at 11 Penn State    3:30pm    FS1

It surprises me to see Penn State as only -22.5 favorites. That seems very kind to Ball State. Hopefully I’m wrong and the Ball State Lettermans take it to the Sanduskys.

Murray State at 7 Cincinnati    3:30pm    ESPN+

Practice week continues.

Temple at Akron    3:30pm    ESPN+

Pound the under.

Georgia Southern at Florida Atlantic   3:30pm   Stadium

There is really nothing going on this week.

Air Force at Navy   3:30pm   CBS

Middies vs. Fly Boys in the first leg of the Commander’s Cup on the twentieth anniversary of 9/11. I can’t imagine the amount of emotional manipulation that’s going to make its way onto this broadcast. Normally I watch these games but I don’t think I can do it this year.

UAB at 2 Georgia    3:30pm    ESPN2

Georgia may well be absurdly talented on the defensive side of the ball but I’d be surprised to see them make it through the regular season with fewer than two losses.

5 Texas A&M at Colorado     3:30pm     FOX

This is only interesting if the Aggies spring a leak.

California at TCU    3:30pm    ESPNU

Things most certainly are not looking up.

Buffalo at Nebraska    3:30pm    BTN

Nebraska is in an interesting position because if they buck the odds and end up being good after we’ve all been so ready to see a National Championship-winning coach get fired that would be funny but if they end up being really bad it’s even funnier. Go Bulls!

Mercer at 1 Alabama    4:00pm   SECN

I’ll cry a little if Saban pulls the starters in the first half and the Tide beats Mercer by less than they beat Miami.

South Alabama at Bowling Green   4:00pm    ESPN+

10 Iowa at 9 Iowa State    4:30pmABC

This is not the kind of top 10 matchup I can just sit idly by and let it happen. Your silence is complicity in this monstrous display of modernity.

SC State at 6 Clemson    5:00pm      ACCN

Clemson dropped all the way to #6 and they’ll hang around the top of the polls because they don’t have the toughest conference schedule in the world but my confidence in them is not high right now. I think the new QB is just a guy. He’s talented as hell but I don’t see him being great.

Illinois State at Western Michigan     5:00pm   ESPN3

This is either MACtion or MACtion adjacent and I have only one word for this midwestern trash: abhorrent.

LIU at West Virginia   5:00pm    ESPN+

LIU plays football?

Lamar at UTSA      6:00pm    ESPN3

Downside: You’re watching one of the least important games of the year. Upside: You’re really not missing anything.

Portland State at Washington State    6:00pm    P12N

Washington State was a perfect spot for the stupid pirate fuckhead and his leaving has ruined the program and, eventually, his reputation. Not relevant to this game necessarily but this game isn’t relevant to anything else, either.

Gardner-Webb at Charlotte   6:00pm    ESPN3

Oh, yeah, feel the excitement.

Bethune-Cookman at UCF   6:30pm   ESPN+

Go Cats.

NC Central at Marshall    6:30pm    ESPN+

The hits keep coming.

Houston at Rice   6:30pm    CBSSN

I’ve always had a soft spot for Holgo and for Houston football but somehow I really don’t like seeing him coach the Cougs. This is SWC magic but with no magic. UNLESS! Houston can put up 100. I don’t think they even have the guys to do it but this is Rice we’re talking about here.

Nicholls at Louisiana    7:00pm    ESPN3

Keep the energy up.

North Texas at SMU   7:00pm   ESPN+

I bet is MS621 were still alive he’d be at this game giving Spencer’s boys hell. Sadly he died doing what he loved, curing his COVID by eating ivermectin paste out of a horse’s butt. R.I.P., friend. Neigh to you wherever you are.

Southeastern La. at Louisiana Tech   7:00pm    ESPN3

Even the low tier stuff is geared up for annihilation. This is a bodybag week for all time.

Memphis at Arkansas State    7:00pm    ESPN+

Memphis getting less than a touchdown against Arkansas State seems like easy money but I have no real concept of either of these teams just yet. Maybe the end is nigh for the Tigers glory years? I sure hope not but it’s possible.

NC State at Mississippi State    7:00pm     ESPN2

This game should be as fun as a parents funeral.

Southern Illinois at Kansas State   7:00pm      ESPN+

Over the past week I experienced derision for referring the the guys in purple and silver as “Kansas State” instead of “K State” and that stung because it always surprises me that anybody cares about them enough to have a strong opinion about them.

Stephen F. Austin at Texas Tech    7:00pm    ESPN+

Shrugs

15 Texas at Arkansas    7:00pm   ESPN

Let’s see if Texas is ready to run with the big boys of the SEC! Arkansas is given a decent shot to win this game and that makes the “15″ next to Texas appear extremely suspect in my eyes.

Texas Southern at Baylor    7:00pm   ESPN+

This week Texas Southern is the people’s champion.

Texas State at FIU   7:00pm    ESPN+

Oh, Butch, why have you done this to yourself?

Western Carolina at 4 Oklahoma      7:00pm     PPV

All the Westen Carolina fans are buying this PPV to see their guys score 40.

New Mexico State at New Mexico    7:00pm     Stadium

I looked up the historic rivalry last year to figure out why it was played early in the season instead of at the end but I’ve forgotten and don’t feel the need to look it up again. I figured out how to watch Stadium on my TV but I also forgot that and don’t feel the need to look it up again.

Appalachian State at 22 Miami (FL)  7:00pm   ESPNU

My gut tells me Miami is probably legitimately about the 14th best team in the country but I still would never advise you to bet actual money on the Hurricanes. Are they 9 points better than App State? Easily. They should win by 20+. Are they liable to fuck around and lose or scrape out a win in the final seconds? Absolutely. Let’s fuckin’ go.

Morgan State at Tulane    7:00pm    ESPN+

A lot of people learned to love the Green Wave last week but it’s hard to keep that going with their schedule. Don’t forget them later in the year when the CBSSN glow is really shining.

Liberty at Troy   7:00pm   ESPN+

Liberty -4 is maybe my surest advice of the week. If Malik Willis is as good as his press the fake school should have this game on ice early.

Eastern Michigan at 18 Wisconsin   7:00pm    FS1

I find Wisconsin’s losing effort against Penn State last week to be a personal affront against me and all of nature.

Eastern Kentucky at Louisville    7:00pm   ACCNX

I think this game being broadcast at night on ACCNX means they’re playing naked.

Grambling State at Southern Miss    7:00pm    ESPN3

This is the kind of game that belongs on an app.

Hampton at Old Dominion    7:00pm    ESPN3

This is the kind of game that belongs on a well-worn high school football field.

Austin Peay at 20 Mississippi   7:30pm     ESPN+/SECN+

This is a pretty big OOC game for an SEC team.

Georgia State at 24 North Carolina    7:30pm    RSN/ESPN3

One of several GSUs, I think this is the one I most hope emerges victorious this week.

Idaho at Indiana   7:30pm    BTN

Wait, wasn’t Indiana like #10 last week? What the hell happened to them? No, don’t tell me. Seriously, don’t.

Missouri at Kentucky     7:30pm    SECN

When the SEC hits 24 teams the “S!E!C!” chants are gonna seem really stupid.

Howard at Maryland    7:30pm    BTN

There’s no official line for this game but I hope the Bison can pull off the upset in this classic local rivalry game.

Jacksonville State at Florida State    8:00pm   ACCN

Still shaking my head at FSU icing their own kicker. Jesus, Norvell. Get your shit together.

McNeese at LSU     8:00pm      ESPN+/SECN+

LOLSU was my lock of the week last week if you’re considering taking gambling advice from me.

Washington at Michigan    8:00pm    ABC

UDub lost to a 1-AA team last week and now they have to go on the road and beat Michigan. Which seems inevitable, to be honest.

Cal Poly at Fresno State    10:00pm    CW59

The murder rate will continue to increase as the day progresses. I always kind of like it when a local broadcast shows up on the sheet. So pretty much none of us have legal access to this game. It makes it more special.

San Diego State at Arizona    10:00pm    P12N

Pac-12 Network is similar to CW59 in that almost nobody in the country has legal access to their broadcasts. If you’ve read enough of these posts you are aware that SDSU is my weird very deep backup team. I don’t have a reason to align myself with the school or program, I just tend to enjoy watching their games.

Vanderbilt at Colorado State     10:00pm    CBSSN

This is an abomination.

21 Utah at BYU     10:15pm    ESPN

This is a lowkey fun rivalry. I’m pretty sure I write the same thing every year but it’s still true. Go Utes.

Stanford at 14 USC     10:30pm    FOX

I think USC could win a national championship and I’d still be baffled that Clay Helton is their coach. Of course, they won’t win a national championship as long as Clay Helton is their coach but they apparently won’t ever get embarrassing enough to fire him, either.

Idaho State at Nevada    10:30pm    Stadium

This is the lowpoint of the week’s schedule and you have to stay up late to watch it on a network that only exists as an app or as part of a hidden unlockable download-only level of cable subscription. This is the beauty of the college game.

UNLV at 23 Arizona State    10:30pm   ESPN2

Herm Edwards figured out the trick to looking good in the Pac-12 without having a particularly great team and I can’t make up my mind if I’m rooting for him to keep sliding on that rail or to fall off it. I think I’ve come around to rooting for him but it’s a very dynamic and fluid situation.

Hawaii at Oregon State   11:00pm    FS1

Hawaii gets to play at their normal time for a game against the bottom of the barrel of the Pac-12 but they’re an 11-point underdog. If you’re ever going to take Hawaii, this is the stars lining up for you to do it. It’s still a big “if” but I’m saying there’s a chance.

[metaldragoon]

2020 wasn’t that bad of a year for me.  I had to make a couple sacrifices; no basketball and no swimming, but otherwise my life was pretty un-disturbed.  I wasn’t able to visit my family but I don’t even have a good relationship with them so “missing holidays” with them also meant “not having extreme anxiety about not being a disappointment.”  I like going out to eat at restaurants and obviously couldn’t do that either, but it also meant “you have a lot of money saved up now.”  So I don’t even consider either of those negatives.  Swimming is a bummer though, I had a bit of an ambition to start triathlon training and I really suck at swimming.  My goal was 750m in 10 minutes, but it was a struggle to even swim 750m a day and it’d take me about 20 minutes.  I think I was down to like 17 or 18 minutes when the pool closed down but I still had a long, long way to go.  My best friend is a lifeguard and he said 10 minutes isn’t that hard, and while he’s obviously a little detached from what a normal swimming time is for an untrained swimmer, I was mind-blown by him doing 50m in 25 seconds with literally never trying to time himself once in his life.  750m 10 minutes is also the minimum requirement to be a lifeguard where he works he said, so that’s why I made it my goal.  But that will take a little while longer before I can ever get back in to it.  Transitioning to the subject of basketball, I used to play quite a lot in my youth and as a 6′5″ guy with some good athleticism you know I don’t need any sort of skill to still be good.  But having the knees of an 80 year old make it an issue with basketball being like the most loading-all-your-weight-directly-in-to-your-knees sport in the world.  I believe it was around 2014 when I stopped playing in leagues and this year I was planning on reuniting with my old high school friends to enter some tournaments this year and terrorize northern BC and AB.  I’m not as explosive any more so I was hoping to hit the gym and work on my outside shot ‘cause I at least know I will always be a good defender with my size and intelligence, and I went to one single pick up game this year, the same night Rudy Gobert tested positive for COVID.  It went okay, I had 0 stamina and even trying to rebound a basketball felt awkward much less lining up a jump shot, and then the guys I met up with were like “okay that’s the last game of the year” and I haven’t been able to ball since.   But there was a decent amount of positives.  I rolled through year 3 of my marriage and I think it’s going pretty swimmingly.  No children yet though I’d still like some, but every year I kind of keep thinking “wow I’m so much more knowledgeable and in a more stable position in my life, thank god I didn’t introduce a child in to my previous environment.”  Not that I’m a toxic shithead where no child can thrive, but I just think the more I wait the more super-father I can become.  It’s always been like a life ambition to be a parent for me, like it felt important that my life is incomplete if I’m not able to do this and a lot of that also meant procreating and y’know, my child being a tall white quarter scottish/norweigan infant, but I’ve definitely been coming around to adoption and now don’t really care about having a child who has the same genetic information as me.  I guess that’s all I have to say for now, wife and I are still discussing it and I’m sure it’ll be a few years, but, just a change of perspective I’ve had. I hopped back on to my Tetris grind recently as I’ve had four weeks off of holidays all packed in to the end of the year, I think it’ll be a trend that continues, but I don’t know for sure or anything.  I made sort of a break through in controls that helped optimize my play a lot, and just last week I was able to get PBs in APM and 20/40/1000 line sprints from about a year and a half ago, so I’ve already adjusted to the changes that took me a while to get used to.  My 20 and 40 line times are 30.626 and 60.708 seconds which is a little frustrating how close I am to clearing those rounded number milestones, but that’s a goal for 2021 I suppose.  I could probably break them right now but just haven’t gotten lucky.  I question if my fingers can really get any faster though, I think hand speed is a hard thing to develop as an old man, but world record is almost 4x faster so at the same time it’s a little foolish of me to think I’m near any sort of physical limit. My other last tangible success is running.  I haven’t run since mid November because of winter in Edmonton ain’t worth it to me, I literally took all my holidays in winter simply for the sake of not having to drive to work as often.  But yeah, I was definitely in the best running shape of my life.  I’d been tracking my PRs all year, I’ll just quickly list them 100m: 13.8 200m: 33.3 400m: 1:08 800m - 2:48 1000m - 3:31 1 mile - 6:19 2 mile - 13:23 5K - 21:12 10K - 43:36 15K - 1:13:58 10 mile - 1:19:29 20K - 1:38:54 Half Marathon - 1:44:04 A lot of these I didn’t particularly work on setting, they just happened to get recorded by my watch while I was running longer distances.  I’m not a sprinter at all as my times clearly indicate, I think anything under 1KM times are all pretty accomplishable by anyone who wants to work on them.  I used to be run low 12 for 100m but I think I’m too old for that these days, the 200m was literally the first time I ever ran it, I just was never interested back when I was in track as a kid, 400m is kind of disappointing too because I was running 1:21 when I was 10 years old and I’ve only managed to shave 13 seconds off.  800 was just on the way to some other run so I don’t even really count it as a time, I think I could have definitely been 2:35 if I tried.  3:31 for the 1KM I did once to try and pace my friend for 3:45 and then I sprinted the last 200m so I coulda been quicker there, 1 mile I never attempted to run but I really wanted to get sub 6 minutes, I think I could but I’m not sure why I never attempted to run one.  2 mile is something I actually did run a lot, my neighbourhood is 2.5 KM, 3.2 KM is 2 miles, so I would quite often run it in the morning.  My ultimate goal for a pace is 4:12/KM so once I hit that with my 2 mile run (4:10/KM pace) I didn’t push it further.  5KM and 10KM were both done on track where I actually spent the few surrounding days prepping for my run and are the two I’m proudest of, particularly the 10 KM, and the longer distances were all just set while I was trying to run a half marathon.  My goal is an hour and a half for the half marathon, so while 14 minutes doesn’t seem extremely far it still is quite tough for me, I need to shave 45 seconds every KM 21 times in a row.  I signed up for my first half marathon since 2014 for September 2021.  My official PB is only 1:51 so I’m already better than I ever was, but I hope to train all year to shave off that last 14 minutes.  My tangible improvement on a weekly basis with running was pretty comforting for my mental health.  29 has always been the age of physical peak for men, everything beyond is a decline until the end, but I never really felt plateaued throughout this year.  I ran over 1200 KM last year, the last half of the year I was going for 50KM a week which I’m hoping to keep up again this year while also pushing even further as long as my body can hold up.  I still get a lot of stingy injuries that cause me to miss a couple days here or there, but for the most part it went pretty well.   Uh, I don’t even know what the point of writing all this was I guess.  Just wanted to share that I continued to progress in life, which I guess is the only purpose I have in life, continue to better my life, and I can definitely say I’m better now than I was a year ago, and looking forward to continue an upward trajectory for 2021.  Happy New Years.

[brendasangulalik]

✰ ––– maika harper. cis woman. she/her // you don’t know ? that’s BRENDA ANGULALIK ! they’re a THIRTY TWO year old former professional gymnast from JUNEAU, ALASKA. as part of manhattan’s elite, the damsel out of distress is known to be RESILIENT & STUBBORN. most people recognize them by bullet journaling, ice cold water, dangling jewelry, calloused palms.

hey everyone! i’m natalie! native (feel like i should always throw that out there to explain why i only play native muses jhgfghj), 23, she/her pronouns, and live in pennsylvania. and i suck at intros but this is my second time playing brenda though this version of brenda has lots of differences from my last time so yeah! uh some information regarding brenda:

tw: anti-inuit racism, emotional abuse/gaslighting mentioned.

brenda gabriella angulalik was born on february 29th, 1988 - which, yes, does make her a leapling and she is happy to be one of the truly elite (hehe) who can say she is

she is the literal middle child of her parents’ five children. she has: an older brother, born 1982), rick. an older sister (born 1985), margaret. a younger brother (born 1991), joel. and a younger sister (born 1994), whitney.

coming from an inuit family, she was originally born in utqiagvik, alaska but her talent was recognized at a young age. the only place to learn gymnastics in utqiagvik were living room classes hosted by one woman in her house, and even then she focused solely on girls under the age of 8 and teaching them basic gymnastics. but she recognized brenda’s talents, and so did brenda’s family. so when brenda was 6 years old, right before she was to graduate kindergarten, the family moved down to juneau for her to study at the southeastern alaska gymnastics academy.

most girls that practiced at the academy, and who went to the school she went to, were white, and brenda recalls her time in juneau as filled with racist comments directed at her based on inuit stereotypes. luckily, by the time she was 11, she would be moved to getting homeschooled as she needed to focus on her athleticism but it didn’t stop the comments at the academy.

she did, however, have two friends at the academy, victoria and kelsey, who were both tlingit. but neither would progress to the elite levels.

national champion by age 13, world champion and pan am champion by age 15, her coaches put her up for the olympic trials for the us women’s team for the 2004 summer olympics. at 16 years old, she would barely qualify, but it was the next logical step in her career.

and brenda did make the team, competing in the 2004 olympics in athens at age 16, and again in the 2008 olympics in beijing at age 20. at 24, she would go with the 2012 team to london, but served as an alternate. an alternate that was never called upon. at that point, she retired from the sport and set out to live a “normal life”. of course as normal as a two-times olympian could be.

she also had something better at the time, at the 2008 olympics, she met logan moore, who was 26 at the time. he was from salt lake city, she was from juneau. he was on the rowing team, she was on the gymnastics team. but the two kept in touch and met again at the 2012 olympics, they caught up and as they say, sparks flew. when she returned and announced her retirement, she moved from juneau to a manhattan penthouse with him.

the next four years would be rocky, the two constantly fought and brenda constantly caught him cheating on her but he would “somehow” just speak to her and she would “come to her senses”. she wanted a pet, he didn’t. they never got a pet. in almost any situation, he would gaslight the hell out of her. and in december 2015, she fell pregnant. something she still wonders how exactly happened with how safe they were being.

but nevertheless, she gave birth to their beautiful twins on august 3rd, 2016 (just two days before the 2016 olympics in rio’s opening ceremony): portia and cressida angulalik-moore.

as much as the pregnancy was untimed and relatively unwanted, the twins definitely weren’t unwanted, they brought so much renewed light into her life. and she did, suppose, the timing was almost perfect. except for that, the day after she gave birth, logan was on a flight down to rio.

but the way she had continued her steady stream of income was in partnerships with brands like gk, smartwater, puma, etc. and appearing on talk shows or others to talk about the sport. since it was 2016, this was the 2016 team’s time to be featured in all of that. but she knew, because of her contracts, the 2016 team wouldn’t outshine her.

the twins also helped in another way, it made more people come into her life, and in september 2017, she broke up with logan. 

she is currently working on a memoir about her times in training. she supposes she may do a memoir in the future regarding her personal life, but she doesn’t want to air out everything with logan just yet, especially as their twins are only 3 years old.

while she can no longer do everything she once could, she still visits a gym in nyc and practices, never letting her body totally lose what it had from years of gymnastics. her downstairs neighbors may hate her, as she does randomly do cartwheels, round-offs, and handsprings in her penthouse. her twins are in mommy & me gymnastics classes, but she would never push them to follow in her footsteps.

she was to fly to tokyo with the us team to be a commentator on the women’s gymnastics competitions, but as the olympics have been pushed back to 2021 she is unsure anymore although that is still currently the plan.

okay i’m even shittier at talking to the personality section but she’s an enfj-a. and her natal chart: 

FAST FACTS SECTION!

she follows the russian orthodox faith as her family had decades ago been converted during the time of russian alaska.

she speaks english and inuktitut fluently. she is currently trying to learn russian to feel more connected to her faith.

she is bisexual and biromantic.

tattoos follow canon to fc so those tattoos you see on maika’s gifs ... do imagine those are on brenda.

her favorite to least favorite event, in order: balance beam, uneven bars, floor exercise, vault.

she has joint custody with her ex, the twins spend a week and a half with her, a week and a half with their father, and so on.

basically native nastia liukin, okay?

ALCOHOL: YES (only on times when her ex has the kids) / CIGARETTES: NO / WEED: YES (only on times when her ex has the kids)

i’m open to basically any sort of plot, so yeah like this. or message me (here or on discord, though discord is preferred) if you wanna plot.

[hjgale]

Seattle Community Police Commission indicates it has abandoned police accountability

October 5, 2021 -- During the regular semimonthly September 15, 2021 Seattle Community Police Commission's (CPC) meeting, two commissioners indicated that police accountability was not something they either expected or demanded of the SPD, or of the entities created in Seattle for police accountability. This stunning revelation was made in comments by two commissioners, without any other commissioner objecting or responding to these comments.

There are three parts to the City of Seattle police accountability system that are, supposedly, independent of the SPD: the CPC (the voice of the community and the body critiquing and creating new policies), the Office of Professional Accountability (OPA, the city department responsible for investigating complaints and misconduct), and the Office of Inspector General (OIG, the city department responsible for making sure the OPA does its job and for identifying systemic dysfunction).

Below I detail what is captured on the video recording of the September 15, 2021 CPC meeting.

In summary, two commissioners admitted that no part of the existing Seattle police accountability structure will hold police accountable for the misconduct, harms, and killings committed by the Seattle police over the last few years. In fact, these commissioners suggest that in the case of one specific police killing, as noted in my public comment (the SPD killing of Iosia Faletogo), that a past community centered process and a future inquest by King County are the routes by which accountability and justice might be served in some manner. Both of the processes that the CPC commissioners note are completely independent of any City of Seattle agency, process, or law. This is a de facto admission that justice and accountability, if they are found anywhere, will be found outside the City of Seattle.

This admission by the CPC is not unusual when one considers that during the August 10, 2021 Federal Court hearing (on the ongoing US Department of Justice federal consent decree to reform the SPD) the CPC requested that the court do their job for them, appealing to the powers of the court and bureaucrats instead of the community. The CPC has always been playing an insider game, hoping to curry favor with those in power and with the SPD, ignoring the community and instead embracing fealty to power. The CPC preserves its status, money, and false sense of power by occasionally playing the victim.

Below are the specifics, with transcripts, audio, and video recordings provided to substantiate my claims and provide full context.

My public comment at the September 15th meeting elicits the revelation

During public comment at the September 15 meeting I said:

“In November of 2019 the CPC listened to [Office of Police Accountability Director] Andrew Myerberg explain how the SPD execution of Iosia Faletogo was ‘Lawful and Proper,’ with no commissioner questioning this conclusion and no commissioner having read the [Office of Police Accountability] OPA report. In February of 2020 Myerberg released his report on the SPD murder of Ryan Smith, again declaring it "Lawful and Proper," though this time the CPC didn't even bother with the charade of considering the investigation. Then, at your last meeting the CPC once more listened to Myerberg present his findings in the investigation into the SPD murder of Terry Caver [go to time mark 00:15:05], once again declaring it "Lawful and Proper," and even going so far as to declare that Caver made choices and decisions that led to his death.

These egregious miscarriages of justice were approved of by the CPC through either your complete silence or your failure to ask any probing questions.”

(My comment occurs at time mark 00:17:15 to 00:19:14 in this video recording of the meeting. There is no audio because I am both speaking and recording -- the closed caption option will provide a transcription.)

After my and one other person’s public comment, CPC Executive Director Brandy Grant responded by saying, in part:

"I just want to make sure you know as the ED, I ask that, I'm hoping, with great clarity, that when people quote us or discuss things that the CPC is doing that, you know, I really implore you all to make sure that you're quoting us in our entirety and being clear and transparent about all of the pieces that you are referencing"  (comment at time mark 00:21:21 in this video recording of the meeting)

As can be seen from my above comment, and the comments made on September 1, 2021 by ED Brant (see time mark 0:09:31 on this video), my comments are accurately sourced and as fully contextualized as possible in the two minutes I am allowed to speak. Grant is attempting to deflect criticism by arbitrarily claiming it is out of context.

Response to my public comment by two CPC commissioners reveals their abandonment of accountability from the SPD or the city

In response to my above noted public comment at the September 15th meeting, CPC Commissioner (since July 2018) Joseph Seia said (transcribed in full with most filler sounds removed and emphasis added):

“Yeah, I mean I'll reiterate what you're saying ED Brandy. Yeah, to Dr. Gale, about the lack of response around the Iosia Faletogo, I mean that's just to me like not an honest statement or comments because our community, the Pacific Island community, was very much activated at the front of that process, walked our community through the process, supported the family as they were looking for social and support, uh, you know, due to Iosia’s um uh killing, and also after the process, when the findings were presented to our Pacific Islander community. So I just I wanna reiterate that, you know, if we're gonna bring up issues, that we acknowledge that there's work being done in communities of color that you might not be involved in and and to please respect that. Thank you.”  (comment at time mark 00:22:41 in this video recording of the meeting)

Note that no part of my September 15th public comment referenced people, organizations, or communities outside of the CPC or the formal City of Seattle police accountability structures (OPA and OIG).

CPC Commissioner (since the CPC started in 2013) Rev. Harriett Walden responded to my comment and Seia’s by stating (transcribed in full with most filler sounds removed and emphasis added):

“I just wanted to, I actually echo, I echo Joseph, because I, we, it was a lot of, a lot that was going on, and it was in that, in that community, with great respect, and I really want to thank Joseph for his leadership on that, on that. And also we did have questions about that shooting. I mean, I know that the partners meet all the time and that was one of the shootings that I've had lots of questions about. And of course the inquest process is still going to happen, I mean because, I mean the final say is not here. I mean, because the new inquest process it's going to be a lot different going forward. I mean, and Mr. Gale might be aware of the new inquest process, that there was a nine to zero ruling on the supreme court to go forward that will give the families, like the Faletogo families, be able to have greater access in this process. They'll have, they'll have their, they'll have representation, unlike the old inquest that family will have representation, they'll have, they'll have an attorney, new information will be able to be presented. In the past it was no new information, the family's attorney had to absolutely just just questioned what was already presented by the Seattle Police Department attorneys. This is a new day here in Seattle in King County with this new ruling and, so no matter what this other finding was, it's not the final finding. And now let's be clear about that, and maybe we could have, have a, you know, some findings, have a presentation about what the new inquest process mean to Charleena Lyles’ family, all of these families. It's not over, yet that other process, and we might have some attorneys on the line, or other people, who who can speak to this, but it's not over yet, and that for it infers that it's over, but there's another level and we don't know down the road these same officers, even if they've gone to another department, we don't know, but they could still be held liable for the deaths for that shooting, see.”  (comment at time mark 00:23:43 in this video recording of the meeting)

CPC commissioners have formal roles, as part of their regular paid employment and often in leadership positions, in community organizations outside of the CPC. I have never questioned or commented on those roles. The question here is not what CPC commissioners have done as either individuals outside of the CPC or as representatives for these other community organizations. We hold our Washington state legislators responsible for the legislation they craft and for the way they vote, and they do not get a free pass because they somehow do good work in their day jobs outside of the legislature.

The fact remains that, as a body, the CPC failed to properly review, publicly weigh in on, or promulgate policy changes in response to, the Faletogo killing almost three years ago.

The CPC, for over eight years, has always pushed back on it’s almost total lack of meaningful response to the 26 SPD related killings since the CPC started meeting by claiming that they are prohibited by both federal court order and the 2017 Seattle police accountability ordinance from commenting on these cases. I discuss the defensive absurdity of this position here, but it is worth noting, at a minimum, the CPC could convene a public forum (which they are required to do by law and have failed to do so for all except two of their nine years) where these cases could be publicly discussed and the problems with both the killings and the investigations could be made public.

It is the statement made by CPC commissioner Walden, and the total lack of response from any other commissioner, that accurately indicates the CPC’s abandonment of Seattle based police accountability: “This is a new day here in Seattle in King County with this new ruling and, so no matter what this other finding was, it's not the final finding.” This is a Hail Mary pass by the CPC to players that are not only not part of the City of Seattle police accountability system, but are players who are not even a part of the city. It’s as if the Hail Mary pass was thrown into the stands of another stadium.

For the CPC to place its hopes on a non-City of Seattle process, of uncertain outcome which, under the best of circumstances, cannot levy any criminal indictments or punishments, seems to be the final indication that, in its ninth year of failing to reign in SPD abuses, the CPC has truly given up, without the ability to be transparent about admitting that to the public.

[junker-town]

6 winners from the final week of the NFL preseason

Bears tight end Jesper Horsted had an impressive final game before the start of roster cuts.

Jesper Horsted and Demaryius Thomas are basically the same player.

Week 3 of the NFL preseason was supposed to be a dress rehearsal for most teams as they prepare for the speed and rigor of the regular season. Instead, we got a Cam Newton injury, two drives from Patrick Mahomes, an 80-yard field in Winnipeg, and Andrew Luck’s announcement that he’d had enough of all this football stuff.

Week 4 didn’t have the promise of seeing many 2019 starters; the vast majority of this year’s meaningful players never left the sideline. That gave way to the practice squad players of tomorrow and young hopefuls left aching for their spot as the 53rd man on the roster this fall. And while Thursday’s games were short on star power, there was still enough action to technically be considered football.

But hey, at this time next week we’ll have an actual, real-life game in the books! So, in advance of the Packers and Bears opening up the regular season next Thursday, let’s reflect on the winners of the final week of the 2019 preseason.

It wasn’t:

Not considered: the Miami Dolphins, who are threatening to fall right back into their old ways

It’s understandable to want a player like Jadeveon Clowney. The Texans’ defensive end/linebacker is one of the game’s most unstoppable pass rushers when he’s on, and he’s currently holding out of Houston’s training camp in order to get paid like one. The former No. 1 overall pick is potent against both the run and the pass, and can line up almost anywhere on the defensive line and wreak havoc.

That chaos comes at a price. Anyone trading for the 26-year-old will do so knowing he:

a) can’t sign a long-term contract extension until after he plays out his franchise tag season in 2019, and b) will require a potentially market-resetting contract to stick around.

That’s a worthy gamble for a team that can earnestly contend for a Super Bowl in 2019. The Dolphins, who are very much not in contention, have no interest in that logic. They recently met with Clowney to sell him on a potential trade to South Beach. If they pull it off, they’d get a player who could spend one season as the centerpiece of a teardown, then sign elsewhere rather than participate in a rebuild — leaving Miami with nothing but a 2021 compensatory draft pick in exchange.

This would be an extremely Dolphins move. The team’s residence in limbo the past decade has been predicated in giving entirely too much money to veteran players while ignoring needs elsewhere. It would also go against the plan owner Stephen Ross laid out while overseeing a regime change.

Now, on to the week’s winners.

6. Brock Osweiler, who is here to mop up your quarterback mess by spreading the stain around

The Colts got thrown for a loop last week when Andrew Luck decided to retire rather than spend another year rehabbing from injury. That promoted Jacoby Brissett back to the starting role he held in 2017 and turned Indianapolis’ depth chart from one of the league’s top backup situations into one of its grimmest. With one announcement, the team has gone from having a promising young passer playing understudy to some combination of Chad Kelly and Phillip Walker.

Kelly was once good enough to hold down Denver’s backup job, but his off-field exploits have earned him a two-game suspension to start the season and leave him as an unreliable option. Indianapolis needs an experienced backup to take snaps in case of emergency ... and may land on another former Bronco instead.

Enter Osweiler, the player Houston once gave up a second-round pick just to keep away from its roster. He was a useful addition to the Dolphins’ roster last season, playing cromulent football in relief of Ryan Tannehill. His 7.0 yards per attempt was the second-highest rate of his career. It was also 29th best among all QBs who threw at least 100 passes last year.

That was still good enough to earn a visit to Indianapolis, along with other journeymen like Matt Cassel and Brandon Weeden. General manager Chris Ballard hasn’t signed anyone yet — but in that pile of broken toys, Osweiler seems the most game-ready. Otherwise, he could take a long hard look at the Week 4 box scores and find a likely-to-be-released passer who could serve as a short-term backup after final cuts roll around this weekend.

5. The Bills, who are America’s team of destiny (question mark?)

Team of destiny? UDFA WR David Sills hauled in the game-winning TD catch in a come-from-behind victory to give the Buffalo Bills its first undefeated preseason in franchise history. Our analysts recognize Sills' need for development:https://t.co/9OjuDP4xN4 pic.twitter.com/XgnjX82vsb

— The Draft Network (@DraftNetworkLLC) August 30, 2019

I mean, probably not. The Ravens haven’t lost a preseason game since 2015. That’s resulted in exactly zero postseason victories in that time for Baltimore. Let’s pump the brakes at least a little.

But! Buffalo did look pretty good in its furious comeback win over the Vikings, making it the club’s second — but much less impressive — owning of Minnesota in the past 10 months. Tyree Jackson, who according to Madden 20 is a better quarterback than Daniel Jones, overcame a 23-6 deficit in the final four minutes. The former University of Buffalo star sandwiched a rushing touchdown and a game-winning pass to David Sills V around a punt return TD to shock the Vikings’ backups and give Bills fans a non-Fireball reason to be happy.

4. Dare Ogunbowale, who did not shine Thursday but could thrive in a hollowed-out Tampa backfield

Ogunbowale was, uh, bad on the ground during Tampa Bay’s preseason finale. The third-year veteran couldn’t find a seam behind an offensive line filled with backups and roster hopefuls, running for a total of 9 yards on eight carries.

But Ogunbowale still found a way to help the offense, hauling in a pair of catches on two targets for 17 yards. His ability to slide out of the backfield and move the chains could make him indispensable for a Buccaneers team in dire need of playmakers — and that would be a major leap forward in a challenging career.

The former University of Wisconsin walk-on has bounced from practices squads to futures contract signings since 2017, making a handful of main roster appearances along the way. He rarely seemed like a regular contributor, but that could end in 2019. Ogunbowale looks set to handle third-down duties for the Buccaneers this fall. Given the rest of the backfield rotation — Peyton Barber has a career 3.8 yards-per-carry average and prized second-round pick Ronald Jones ran for 44 yards on 23 carries as a rookie — he could be the first man up to earn carries by October.

For now, the Buccaneers are hoping he can be their Corey Clement — a fellow undrafted free agent out of Wisconsin who has developed into a weapon for the Eagles. Clement, the RB1 to Ogunbowale’s RB2 with the 2016 Badgers, has scored nine touchdowns (including one in Super Bowl 51) the past two seasons as a dynamic safety valve out of the Philadelphia backfield.

Tampa Bay would be thrilled to get similar production. Ogunbowale has been its workhorse in the preseason, and while that hasn’t resulted in big gains on the ground (2.6 YPC), he’s been an impact player as a receiver out of the backfield (10+ yards per target).

3. Jesper Horsted, our new Ivy League overlord

Horsted, the Bears tight end with the name of a Swedish dust bowl settler, was an absolute beast at Princeton. He was an FCS All-American and the Ivy’s offensive player of the year in 2018 after a 72-catch, 1,047-yard, 13-touchdown campaign in only 10 games. His junior year, where he put up a 92/1,226/14 line, was somehow significantly better.

If that weren’t enough, he spent his springtime on the diamond with Princeton too. He led his team in batting average in 2018 (.324!) as an All-Ivy League centerfielder.

That wasn’t enough to push his name into this year’s draft, but he did make his way into the Chicago training camp as a free agent. The first three weeks of the preseason came and went without many highlights from the two-sport star. Then he made one hell of a case to stick around an NFL roster with his Week 4 performance, even if it’s not ultimately with the Bears.

Jesper Horsted at the half: 4 catches, 64 yards, 1 TD. If he doesn't make the roster in Chicago, he'll have his share of practice squad offers pic.twitter.com/j8jbOmgaff

— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) August 30, 2019

Horsted finished his night against the Titans’ backups with five catches for 82 yards and one touchdown on a gorgeous back shoulder throw from Tyler Bray. At 6’4 and 240ish pounds, has the frame to be a useful receiver from the tips of the offensive line. He’ll need a whole lot more seasoning before he can make an impact on an active roster, but his ability to overachieve against lower-level opponents — whether while barnstorming a bunch of nerds in college or showing out against other roster hopefuls in Week 4 — suggest he’s worth a spot in the league this season.

2. Bud Light, who turned Cleveland’s misery into the opportunity to sell refrigerators

Do you like beer, but can’t truly enjoy it unless one of the league’s saddest franchises wins a game? Then I have good news for you, you oddly specific weirdo!

For two days the September, you can buy one of the fridges that once rewarded the dwellers of the Dawg Pound for suffering through a year-plus of defeat. A pop-up store in downtown Cleveland will offer fans the chance to buy an extremely-branded refrigerator as costs ranging from $199 to $599. Anyone who shows up will also get $15 worth of free beer, too.

This is, somehow, a big enough deal to warrant an appearance from not only a former WWE champion and a brand mascot who supposedly died back in February, but also a smattering of Browns players and even the damn mayor of Cleveland himself. This all sets some extremely high expectations and optimism for the Browns this fall. History suggests this is a great idea.

1. Demaryius Thomas, who may not be cooked yet

Thomas finished the 2018 season — his ninth as a pro — on injured reserve after suffering a torn Achilles. He signed with the Patriots this offseason in an effort to rehabilitate his career, which came with its own caveats. That path failed to revive aging All-Pros like Reggie Wayne and Chad Ochocinco in the past. After missing the bulk of the preseason while getting healthy, he made a long-awaited debut for a needy position group in Week 4.

Thomas’ first game in a New England uniform made him part of a star-studded Patriots receiving corps who stood out like a sore thumb against a backdrop of reserves. He, Josh Gordon, and Julian Edelman have 24 seasons, six Pro Bowl appearances, and five Super Bowl rings between them. On Thursday night, they teamed up to face a Giants secondary led by players like Terrell Sinkfield, Henre’ Toliver, and Ronald Zamort in the first half.

Needless to say, they fared well as the Pats ran out to a 29-10 halftime lead. No one did more than Thomas, who hauled in seven of his eight targets from rookie Jarrett Stidham for 87 yards and a pair of touchdowns.

That throw. That catch.@Jarrett_Stidham | @DemaryiusT pic.twitter.com/7Bp2NZHFtA

— New England Patriots (@Patriots) August 30, 2019

It came against many players who will likely fill practice squads, but it’s an encouraging sign for a veteran whose career was in question. Now we’ve got to see what he can do with Tom Brady ... and coverage from players who weren’t playing against FCS wideouts in 2018.