#by tens of thousands of dollars

[foldingfittedsheets]

Mattresses, unbeknownst to many, are a lot like cars. Every year new ones roll out, they’re always tweaking and innovating and you’ll never find the same one you loved decades ago when buying a new one.

Where I sold mattresses had a three month return or exchange program for this reason. New beds take a while to break in, and they’re a big expense. Your body is used to the old one. So we made sure people were loving it. If a bed got returned we’d take it back, sanitize and clean it, then sell it again on clearance.

To sell these we always had to disclose what clearance meant to customers, and they had to sign that they knew what they were getting. (FYI, not every company is as… forthright about the used bed situation)

In clearance we had beds that were floor models, we had returns, and more rarely we had old models whose line had been discontinued. These clearance beds were always final sale, so a bed could only be sold twice.

Now, the manager at the store I was working at had realized a vital fact. Clearance beds in the warehouse didn’t sell, especially old models that salespeople weren’t familiar with. And even more especially in odd sizes, like twin extra longs. So he set up a split king on the showroom floor to exhibit clearance beds, pulling all those forgotten twin extra longs out onto the showroom.

Almost all of these were brand new discontinued models. Beds I’d never learned in training were exhumed to be displayed. The manufacturers had moved on to new lines and they’d been left behind. Why would he take such in interest in selling old stock, you might wonder? Because we made double commission on the sales margin of clearance beds, and if we’d had a bed long enough they dropped the cost in the system so it was a fucking cash cow to sell these. Even with huge discounts the commissions were wonderful so it was a win win.

When I got started I was jazzed about this program, I was so on board to sell weird old brand new beds and make a ton of money. I had a wonderful older couple come in, looking for a split king adjustable set. This was a white whale sale.

The current clearance models on the floor were a latex mattress that was brand new despite being of an age to start first grade, and a tempurpedic floor model. The couple laid down and it was like magic. They each loved the bed they’d laid down on. They wanted to buy the whole shebang.

I. Was. Thrilled. I told them about the clearance program and what that meant, and they weren’t bothered in the least. I wrote up the sale then dashed into the back, fizzing with excitement to tell my manager what I’d done.

“You sold the death bed?!” He asked in delight.

I pulled up short, my smile freezing in place. “What…?”

“Didn’t you check the notes?”

I hesitated for a long beat then slowly shook my head. You see, dear reader, all beds had a personal history. Every clearance bed had logs written up by the person who took the return, as well as warehouse crew after sanitizing. It helped us know what to expect when selling them. “Wasn’t it just a floor model? You said it was a floor model…”

He slowly shook his head. I checked the notes.

It turned out, it had been sold as a floor model. The first time. But the company had made an exception and taken it back as a return two months later. Why? Because it’s owner had passed away.

I stared at the computer in horror and my manager shrugged. “They signed the clearance form. Technically it was a floor model.”

“We know for a fact that a man died in that bed!”

“What they don’t know can’t haunt them,” he said philosophically.

The man came back a week later for more sheets, utterly delighted to tell me how well they were sleeping. I clamped my teeth down around the secret of the deathbed, choosing to let them love their new bed without the stigma. Only one person would be haunted by that deathbed, and it was me.

[communistkenobi]

students in the social sciences can’t explain it either lol. “people in this country see no merit in studying any subject that cannot go on a resume” that’s because they go to school to get a job! I wonder what larger structural factors contribute to this widespread relationship people have to higher education. maybe this guy can use his big beautiful humanities degree to explain it to us

[nero-neptune]

Sorry about your concert! Are u going on vacation in December

no vacation in december, no. the reason why i hope the rescheduled rina show date is sometime in december is bc in january, my grad school starts. but my grad school is located in vancouver, bc (which, for me, is on the other side of the continent)!

[elodieunderglass]

Do you have more Moby Dick: Modern Translation chapters anywhere that certain interested parties (me and everyone with taste) could read?

In reference to this translation of Moby Dick into insufferable modern idiom, in which Ishmael is suddenly shown up in a startling light as a person we’ve actually met and knew well but didn’t really like:

I’m sorry, I haven’t written any more of that! After chapter 1’s mad rush of energy, the book tackles more tricky, boring and unfunny content, including passages that are just uncomfortably problematic in any time; and, like, entire chapters about listening to a church sermon.

A line translation (and that is mostly a very faithful line translation! The only thing I regret not doing was perfectly capturing the fart joke!) apparently has a lot of educational value, and helps to reframe the whole novel. That’s worthy work! But i simply wouldn’t want to do a line translation on the next few chapters. My brain is picking daisies instead, already. I would say: “sorry, I’m abridging this for my own mental health. You’re eligible for a free refund.” In which case the educational value is negligible (you can just read the plot summary online. There’s a really big whale in it.)

Anyone else who wants to take a stab at it (FROM HELL’S HEART) would be welcome and I’ll gladly promote your efforts. It’s just. I am going

🌼-🌼-🌼-🌼-🌼-🌼-🌼

- come here let me measure your head

[pancakeke]

other department leads dogpiled my boss in a leader meeting to say our department is ~untrustworthy~ by citing 1 legitimate mistake we made so I'm going through records and listing all the recent shit these guys have done that is flagrantly not allowed and also checking their internal communications jira to note any issues they were fully aware of but chose not to communicate to us so they could hide their mistakes rather than resolving them. die.

[werewolf-transgenderism]

did you guys know that on tiktok people are literally committing check fraud by depositing fake checks and withdrawing thousands of dollars in fraudulent check money and calling it the “chase bank glitch.” brother you are getting hit with a RICO you’re trying to pull check fraud on one of the oldest banks in the country

[cozylittleartblog]

Please come back to Deviantart and upload all your art!!!!!!!!!

deviantart can suck my whole entire dick and can keep sucking it until they decide to get rid of their AI bullshit

anyway reminder that y'all should join sheezyart

my username there is cozy

[pikachu-says-peekaboo]

Kinda wish that people would be giving the same kind of criticism and scrutiny to Internet Historian that they have been giving to James Somerton. IH is a much bigger and more well known channel and his cave video got a lot more attention. Like I know his video got taken down, and he's only done this to one video (that we know of) but he employed the same sort devious tactics to try and hide his plagiarism, so would be nice to see the same sort of outrage for him too.

[wizardlyghost]

thing about deltora quest that only occurred to me in hindsight is not only just how much jasmine carries the entire party on this quest but also how genre-defyingly brutal she is lol. like, this is a kid's series that hinges on riddles and puzzles far more heavily than combat - even when deaths occur, they're often the result of cleverness in some way rather than straight up combat ability. that said, let's look at the villain kill count at the end of book five of eight of the first series:

- lief: 1 - even there it's with a well-thrown bottle of cursed water rather than his sword.

- barda: 0 - i'm not counting that one unnamed sand beast, that's an animal not a villain.

- filli: 0 - he is a squirrel, this is unsurprising.

- kree: 1 - killed an invincible sorceress all by himself, good bird best friend.

- jasmine: 5 - dropped a tree branch on a mf, drowned two cannibals in quicksand, cut a giant snake's throat, shoved a dude down a pipe full of toxic mold (after having to be told not to cut his throat while he slept jfc).

idk it just suddenly struck me as really funny how this one character who isn't the protagonist is almost from a different, far more brutal story, and uses that fact to consistently be the mvp and save everyone else's asses. i need to read this series again it's been too long.

[roach-works]

how to write a query letter for the novel i finished:

-open document

-write 'hello'

-read a bunch of How To Write Query Letter articles

-open document

-delete 'hello'

-lie down in bed

-cry

[alluralater]

that anti-piracy commercial from the 2000s but every time they say piracy they’re instead talking about eating pussy

"you WOULDN'T eat pussy like a rabid animal" "you WOULDN'T suck on their clit while on your knees" "you WOULDN'T slurp up every drop of their cum" "EATING. PUSSY. LIKE THAT. IS ILLEGAL."

[gothamverse]

eddie nygma and the terrible, horrible, no-good very bad court mandated psychologist

heres some sketches of young doctor jonathan crane! he's a fresh face at arkham asylum and i think he's really going to go places :)

[communistkenobi]

I wish I could attach a suicide note to emails I send to professors asking them if they could pretty please let me use the disability accommodations I have medical proof of needing and am allowed by provincial law to exercise

[no-side-us]

H.G. Wells. To Ralph Straus. 1910.

Source

[catman-draws]

So anyway, AU where Dolorosa got caught

[fairy-goth-father]

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