#by bitter I mean I have literally cried over these feelings of rejection before and I can't take it anymore | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

leahrintarou · 2 months ago

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HELLO GIRL HOPE YOU'RE DOING GOOD 😊

i wanted to request for dabi x fem!villain!reader. she loves dabi but he's a brat to her just like himself, like with everyone. and after one mission reader goes somewhere and drinks fuckload of alcohol and she's super lightweight so she's out after one/two shots. and that night she gets like tons of alcohol. so she's obviously drunk and she has no idea what she's doing and she calls dabi. and he cares for her he's just acting this way (i severely believe that he's the guy who falls for someone and IMMEDIATELY had a pushing away mechanism going on because of his past and stuff). and he comes to pick reader up and she's not even able to stand straight. like she's pretty fucked AMD SHE'S A BABY WHEN DRUNK, LIKE LITERALLY WHINING CRYING AND BEING A CUTIE. and he takes her with him and she has few more bottle hidden somewhere with her, and she keeps drinking and he's concerned because she's extra lightweight. but she keeps getting those bottles so he throws one of them out of the moving car window😆 and she's like why would you do that it was a great whiskey (or whatever she can drink). but she's not sad for long because she takes out another bottle, and he does the same thing. and after that she starts crying because it was her last bottle and he's so mean. AND then at night she gets sick because of all that alcohol she has earlier so she's having a huge fever, she feels like dying, so she whines a d cries about her feelings and him rejecting her and she confesses to him and says a lot of stupid things how pretty he it and how good he looks shirtless and stuff like that. AND then next day when she wakes up he teases her about it and she's embarrassed af, but it ends up fluff with him confessing back😊😊❤️❤️❤️

I'M SORRY IT'S SO LONG BUT I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS GOING ON IN MY HEAD AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SHORTEN MY THOUGHTS🤣🤣 I'M SORRY 😞 but i still hope you'll write it🥺

✩₊˚.⋆ RELUCTANT HEARTS - dabi/touya todoroki

CW: y/n is drunk, alcohol intoxication, communication issues, y/n's in love but dabi is being dabi, he doesn't know how to talk about his feelings, swearing, reader with she/her pronouns, non-detailed mentions of throwing up, fluff, some angst if u squint tbh.

Word Count: 4.6k

Author's Note: (i'm doing well, anon! :p) i hope you guys enjoy reading! it came out a bit longer than i was planning but oh well lol. leave a like or reblog to support!

the bitter warmth of alcohol lingered on y/n's tongue as she downed yet another shot. she'd long lost count after the eighth, the need for a chaser fading as the taste softened, dulled by her numbing senses. "ma'am, we'll be closing soon," one of the bartenders murmured, the same one who had filled her glass every few minutes without fail.

she nodded, her vision doubling with the motion. nausea crept up on her, and she sighed at the inevitable. a lightweight by nature, she usually capped her nights at fewer than ten shots when drinking alone, but tonight was a different story.

her solo mission had been successful, but not without needless resistance from heroes who showed no mercy. shigaraki had barely scolded her, while dabi took the opportunity to belittle her inefficiency. it wasn’t like her to slip up so badly, but dabi never missed a chance to hold her mistakes over her—so long as they bothered her, he’d never let her forget.

despite her hating the fact that she had to, y/n fumbled with her phone, squinting at the blurry screen before finally locating dabi’s number. her thumb slipped as she pressed call, the dial tone ringing painfully loud in her ear.

“what?” dabi’s voice was sharp, instantly irritated.

“touya…” she slurred, her words tumbling lazily. “i need… i need you to come get me,” she mumbled. there was a pause, then a scoff. “what the hell? you sound trashed. where are you?”

“uh… somewhere,” y/n mumbled, blinking as she tried to get her thoughts straight. “i’m just… out.”

“out? where’s ‘out,’ y/n?” his voice was flat, but she could hear the growing annoyance. “you’re not making any sense.”

“just… come get me,” she groaned, frustration bleeding into her slurred words. “i can’t… i can’t even walk straight.” she glanced down at her lap, where her free hand rested as she twisted the singular ring at the base of her index finger.

dabi snorted. “no shit, you’re drunk off your ass. what are you doing, wandering around aimlessly?”

“not wandering,” she mumbled. “i’m sitting.” a bit of annoyance crept into her voice. apparently, liquor couldn't stop dabi from pissing her off so quickly. “okay, sitting where?” he asked, now sounding both amused and irritated. “what? did you pass out in an alley or something?”

y/n rolled her eyes, which only made her dizziness worse. “ugh, no. i’m in a… bar.”

dabi paused, then let out an exaggerated sigh. “of course. a bar. you’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“just come get me, touya,” she grumbled, her voice slurred but laced with irritation. “unless you want me to blow chunks on someone's shoes. your call.”

he clicked his tongue, clearly frustrated but now understanding the situation. “you’re such a mess, y/n. fine. send me the address.”

“yeah, yeah,” she muttered, fumbling to type it out. “thanks, touya.” she smiled to herself. "knew you'd come through even if you're a dick about it."

"don't push it," he snapped before hanging up. even though he'd put on an act like he didn't care, she knew he'd show up. and, despite himself, so did he.

---

it wasn’t long before the rumble of a car engine cut through the night air outside the bar. y/n groggily looked up as dabi stepped inside, his usual scowl firmly in place as his eyes swept the room. the second he spotted her slumped over in the booth, he shook his head and made his way over.

“seriously?” he grumbled as he stood in front of her, arms crossed. “this is the state you’ve gotten yourself into?”

y/n glanced up at him, her head spinning as she tried to focus. “don’t… don’t start,” she mumbled, her words slurring together. “i’m not in the mood for your shit.”

“too bad. you’re in no position to make demands,” he shot back, leaning down to help her up. he wrapped an arm around her waist, feeling her lean heavily against him. “let’s get you out of here before you make a scene.”

“hey, i can walk,” y/n protested half-heartedly, but the moment she tried to stand, her legs buckled beneath her. dabi’s grip tightened, and he half-dragged her toward the exit.

“yeah, sure you can,” he said dryly, his tone laced with sarcasm. “you’re a real lightweight, you know that?”

“shut up, touya,” she grumbled, though the annoyance in her voice was overshadowed by a hint of affection. “you’re not my dad.”

“wouldn’t dream of it,” he replied, pushing open the passenger door of his car and easing her inside. “but someone has to make sure you don’t drown in your own stupidity.”

“whatever,” y/n muttered as she settled into the seat, her head resting against the window. “i could handle myself fine… if you weren’t so annoying.”

“annoying, huh?” he shot back, sliding into the driver’s seat and giving her a sideways glance. “you know, you called me. but hey, if you wanted my attention, this wasn’t the way to go about it.”

“because you’re the best at picking people up from bars,” she replied, a slight smirk on her lips. but then her expression faltered, and she turned serious. “i… i really appreciate it, you know?”

“don’t get all mushy on me,” he said, rolling his eyes. “it’s not like i’m doing this out of the kindness of my heart. i’ve got a reputation to uphold, and rescuing your drunk ass is just good PR.”

“you’re such a brat,” y/n shot back, though her heart fluttered at his teasing. “i’d like to see you handle it better.”

“please, i wouldn’t be caught dead in a place like this,” he replied, his tone dripping with disdain as he pulled away from the curb. “besides, if i didn’t show up, who else would have to deal with your mess? i’ve got a reputation to uphold, remember?”

“right, because you care so much about your reputation,” she said sarcastically, turning her gaze to the window, watching the city lights blur past. “you’re just here for the free entertainment.”

“entertainment? you think this is funny?” he replied, glancing at her with an eyebrow raised. “watching you stumble around like a newborn deer isn’t exactly my idea of a good time.”

“well, at least i’m amusing,” y/n shot back, trying to hide the smile tugging at her lips. “you should thank me for keeping your life exciting.”

“exciting, huh?” he scoffed. “more like a headache. i’d rather face a horde of heroes than babysit you in a bar.”

“oh, please,” she said, rolling her eyes. “you secretly love it.” y/n reached into the pocket of her hoodie, pulling out the smaller bottle of alcohol she bought earlier.

“love it? not even close,” he replied, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “you’re lucky i have a soft spot for lost causes.”

“lost cause, huh?” she challenged, feeling a rush of emotion she couldn’t quite suppress. she lifted it to her lips, taking a singular swig before it was snatched from her hands. a bit of it dripped down her chin, and dabi rolled his window down before throwing it out. the sound of the glass shattering against the pavement echoed a second later.

"what the hell, touya!" she yelled, using her sleeve to wipe the liquor from her face. "that was mine!" she fussed.

"not anymore," he said flatly, glancing at her before his eyes returned to the road. "you're not drinking any more tonight. it's a miracle you were even able to walk back there."

"you don't get to decide that," she snapped, a flash of anger igniting in her chest as tears pricked her eyes. but deep down, a familiar wave of emotions washed over her, stirring something fragile. "you're such a-"

"a what? a what?" he challenged, cutting her off. "a responsible person? you think i want to see you hurt yourself more than you already have?"

"you don't get it," she said, her voice trembling as her frustration morphed into something more vulnerable. "i don’t want to get it, y/n. stop doing this to yourself if you don't want to paint that image for your name."

“i’m not that bad.”

“keep telling yourself that,” he said, glancing at her as they hit a red light. “but here you are, drunk and needing a ride home.”

“yeah, well…” y/n started, but the warmth of the alcohol mixed with her frustration made her voice waver. “at least you came.”

“you really think that highly of yourself, huh?” he shot back, though there was a hint of something softer in his eyes. “just be grateful i did.” he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “i am grateful, you jerk,” she said, her voice suddenly small as she looked down at her lap, fiddling with the ring on her finger. “you’re the only one who shows up when i need help.”

“yeah, well, don’t go getting all sappy on me,” he warned, trying to maintain his usual bravado, but the way his eyes softened gave him away. “it’s not like i’m doing this for the accolades.”

“sure, keep pretending you don’t care,” she replied, feeling the warmth of vulnerability creeping in. “but i see through your tough-guy act.” she shrugged.

“whatever,” he said, pulling into her driveway and turning off the engine. “let’s get you inside before you throw up in my car.”

“you just want to get rid of me,” she teased, but there was an undercurrent of something more serious beneath her words.

“you’re not wrong,” he said, smirking as he opened the door for her. “but it’s not because i don’t want you around. it’s just that your idea of a good time and mine are clearly on different planets.”

“how sweet of you, really,” she said dryly, though with a tone of sarcasm. “you’re lucky i’m feeling generous tonight.”

“generous? is that what you’re calling this?” he laughed, helping her out of the car and steadying her as she swayed slightly. “more like a recipe for disaster,” he retorted with a snarky tone. “shut up, touya,” she said, her voice softer now as they walked toward the door. “just… thanks for being here.”

“don’t mention it,” he replied, his tone lightening a bit. “but if you ever do this again, i’m leaving you to fend for yourself.”

“noted,” she said, a little too aware of how much she wished she could reach out and grab his hand, the feelings simmering beneath the surface threatening to spill over. “but you’re going to be there. i know it.”

“yeah, yeah,” he muttered, shaking his head as he watched her fumble with her keys. “just don’t go falling for me or something.”

her heart raced and she stayed silent, making dabi give her a glance that showed him trying to read her expression. she made sure to turn away from him, especially when he called her name. “gonna try to get some sleep,” she quickly said, using the guardrail to get upstairs and to her room.

y/n felt the wave of nausea wash over her as she laid on her bed, the world spinning around her. the bitter warmth of the alcohol still lingered on her tongue, a reminder of the night’s escapades. she groaned softly, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to block out the throbbing in her head. as the room tilted and swayed, she pushed herself up just enough to pull the blankets over her body, seeking comfort in their warmth.

it wasn't long before she heard the familiar sound of the door creaking open. dabi stepped inside, his usual scowl firmly in place as he leaned against the doorframe. “what a sight,” he muttered, glancing around her room. “you look like you’ve been through a blender.”

“thanks for the compliment,” y/n mumbled, her voice barely above a whisper. she felt a bit of embarrassment wash over her as dabi sauntered over and sat on the edge of her bed, pulling out his phone to scroll through it. a part of her wanted to feel grateful, but the way he acted—like he was doing her a favor—was hard to ignore.

---

half an hour ticked by, the silence punctuated only by the sound of his scrolling. but y/n's nausea began to build again, the urge to throw up clawing at her insides like a feral animal. she bit her lip, feeling the heat rise in her throat as she fought against it, but it was no use.

"touya," she whispered, her voice hoarse and shaky. he glanced at her, raising an eyebrow. "hey, you alright?" he asked, but his tone was more sarcastic than concerned.

"not really," she muttered, clutching her stomach. before he could retort, she stumbled toward the bathroom, barely managing to reach the toilet before the contents of her stomach surged forth.

"nice going, genius," dabi called after her, his voice dripping with mockery. "you're really winning at this whole 'not throwing up' thing."

y/n heaved, feeling the world tilt precariously beneath her. the bitter taste of the alcohol mixed with the remnants of her dinner assaulted her senses, and she groaned, tears brimming in her eyes.

dabi was right behind her, his cool presence both annoying and comforting as he knelt beside her. "just breathe, y/n," he murmured, his voice low and steady. "try not to make this a regular thing, okay? i’ve got better things to do than babysit you."

as she gasped for air, she could feel his hand resting gently on her back, and despite his snark, there was a genuine concern in his touch. leaning into his hand, she felt a flicker of gratitude amid the chaos.

finally, the wave of nausea receded, leaving her breathless and trembling. dabi stayed close, waiting until she could lift her head and look at him. "feeling better?" he asked, his tone still laced with sarcasm.

"yeah," she whispered, her voice thick with sleepiness.

y/n felt like a train wreck as she sat hunched over the toilet, the remnants of her night swirling in her stomach like a storm. the bitter warmth of the alcohol lingered, and each heave felt like a betrayal to her body. just when she thought she was done, another wave hit her, and she groaned in frustration.

"seriously?" dabi’s voice cut through the haze, low and unimpressed. he leaned against the bathroom doorframe, arms crossed, his expression somewhere between annoyance and concern. "you’ve got to be the worst drunk i’ve ever seen."

"thanks for the encouragement," she managed, glaring at him with half fury, half exhaustion. "what are you doing here, anyway? i thought you didn’t want to babysit me."

"don’t flatter yourself," he shot back, but there was an undercurrent of something softer in his eyes. "i just didn’t want to deal with you throwing up in my car. that’s a real hassle."

"nice to know my well-being is your top priority," she replied sarcastically, but the dizziness made it hard to keep up her bravado. she stumbled back into her room, leaning against the wall as she caught her breath.

dabi followed, eyeing her critically. "you didn’t answer my question earlier, you know. when i said, 'don’t go falling for me,' you totally dodged that." his tone was light, but there was a seriousness in his gaze.

y/n rolled her eyes, trying to brush it off. "what do you care, anyway? you’re always so mean to me!"

crossing his arms again as he leaned against the wall "you don’t get to deflect now. just tell me, why didn’t you respond?"

"maybe i didn’t think it was worth addressing," she replied, her voice shaky, but his intensity made it hard to dismiss him. "really? because it sounded like you were trying to avoid something," he said, narrowing his gaze.

she let out a frustrated huff, flopping onto her bed. "i don’t know, touya. you make it hard to breathe sometimes. i get that you think you’re being helpful, but your sarcasm feels like a shield. and it hurts because i—"

"what is it, y/n?"

"i can’t help but feel something for you," she blurted out, exasperated. "even though you’re mean and a total brat, i… i like having you around, even when you act like you don’t care. and that just makes me feel more frustrated, like i’m some lost cause."

"y/n," he began, but she wasn’t done.

"you push me away, and i don’t understand why. you’re so pretty and infuriatingly attractive, and i hate that i’m drawn to you, but here we are." she sighed, the weight of her confession pressing heavily on her. "and i’m sorry for being a mess. i really am, but sometimes it feels like you’re the only one who sees me. even if it’s from a distance."

dabi watched her in silence, his expression shifting from annoyance to something deeper. "you think that’s what i’m doing?" he asked finally, a hint of vulnerability creeping into his voice. "pushing you away?"

"maybe," she admitted, feeling the heaviness of the alcohol wrapping around her thoughts. "i don’t know. i just… i feel like every time i try to get closer, you shut me out. it’s like you want to keep me at arm’s length."

he was quiet for a moment, and she could see the gears turning in his head. "and you think i want you to feel like shit?" he asked finally, his tone softer now. "you’re not some joke to me, y/n. you’re just… complicated."

"complicated, huh?" she snorted, her frustration bubbling back to the surface. "that’s one way to put it. you’re so busy being an asshole that you don’t see how much i wish things were different."

"different how?" dabi asked, genuinely intrigued, and for a moment, it felt like she had his full attention.

y/n fidgeted on the bed, her heart racing as she tried to gather her thoughts. "different as in… sometimes i wish you could see me for more than just a nuisance," she said, her voice trembling slightly. "i get that i can be a mess, but it feels like i’m always just… your project to fix."

dabi shifted his weight, an unreadable expression on his face. "you really think i see you that way?" he asked, his tone surprisingly soft.

"i don’t know," she replied, frustration creeping back in. "you’re always so wrapped up in your own world, and it makes me feel like i’m chasing after you for attention. i guess… i just wish you could let me in. i want to be someone you want around, not just someone you tolerate."

he remained silent, watching her with an intensity that made her heart flutter and ache all at once. "you’re not just a project, y/n." he finally said, his voice low. "but you’ve got to understand that i’m not great at this stuff. i’m not the guy who knows how to make things easy."

"yeah, i get that. but…" she sighed, struggling to find the right words. "it’s hard not to feel something more when you’re the one who shows up for me, even when i’m at my lowest. it’s like i can’t help but want you to be part of my life, in every way. and that scares me."

dabi opened his mouth as if to respond, but then fell silent again, letting the weight of her words hang between them. y/n could feel the tears pricking at her eyes, and she quickly wiped them away, not wanting to show that kind of vulnerability. "i’m such a dumbass," she mumbled, forcing a laugh that didn’t reach her eyes. "i shouldn’t be pouring my heart out to you when i’m like this."

"y/n—"

"no, really, forget it," she interrupted, her voice cracking. "i just… i don’t want you to think i’m some lovesick idiot or anything. it’s just hard to ignore what i feel when you’re right here, acting like you don’t care. i’m sorry for being such a mess."

dabi let out a sigh, unable to speak, and only shook his head in frustration. y/n wasn’t the only one at a crossroads. he too knew that there was something up with the way he felt. he always felt it, but the feeling only got stronger when he was around y/n. the feelings brought him confusion, and dabi hated that feeling, hence the reason why he took it out on y/n anytime they were in the same vicinity of one another.

right now, he was failing to realize his true feelings. he failed to point out what it was exactly. he hated the feeling, and as he stared down at y/n, whose eyes were gradually heavying with sleep as stray tears dried, it only worsened.

he knew something was there, and it killed him since he didn’t know what.

---

as the morning light streamed through the curtains, y/n slowly stirred awake on her bed, the remnants of last night flooding her mind like a relentless tide. the dull ache in her head reminded her of the shots she'd had-and the impulsive confession she'd made to dabi. she sat up, rubbing her temples, and glanced around her room, half-expecting to find him sprawled beside her. but the bed was empty, and a wave of relief washed over her.

after a moment, she swung her legs over the side of the bed, the wooden floor cool against her bare feet. y/n took a deep breath, trying to steady her racing thoughts. she stood up, feeling slightly unsteady, and made her way to the bathroom to splash some water on her face and brush the taste of last night's mistakes from her mouth. the cool water helped, but did little to erase the embarrassment now gnawing at her chest.

once she felt somewhat human again, she headed downstairs, the house settling into its usual stillness. glancing into the living room, y/n was surprised to see dabi lying on the couch, still fast asleep. the sight of him made her cringe, her mind replaying fragments of last night's disaster. she sighed, scolding herself as she stepped into the kitchen and set the kettle on the stove.

the kettle's whistle was loud, painfully so, and she cringed, knowing it might wake him. grabbing two mugs from the cabinet, she placed them on the counter, her mind swirling with thoughts of how to navigate the morning ahead. she wanted to avoid him, but the temptation to face him and clear the air was stronger.

while the memories of the night were hazy, she recalled enough to feel mortified-her indirect confession, the sting of tears, and the bitter taste of regret. she felt like a mess, and her pounding headache only confirmed it.

y/n rubbed her eyes, trying to shake the weight of last night's events, but dabi's voice cut through her thoughts.

"morning."

she poured hot water over the tea bags she'd placed in the mugs, nodding in response as she turned to hand him one. his hair was disheveled, his clothes wrinkled, and the remnants of sleep lingered in his eyes. "morning," she muttered quietly.

just as she was about to leave the kitchen, his hand caught her wrist. "what are you doing?"

her gaze avoided his, her usual confidence nowhere to be found until he spoke up again. "about last night-"

"forget about last night," she interrupted, her voice wavering. "i was drunk. didn't mean to say all that bullshit. i'm sorry."

"why are you apologizing?"

"because last night was a complete shit-show. i can't handle my liquor, and i don't even know why i drank so much, but i regret it. i put us in an awkward situation, and i'm sorry for that." she spoke in one hurried breath, not giving him a chance to respond before continuing. "i'm not expecting anything from you out of pity for feelings i know can't be returned. i just... i'm sorry."

she tried to pull away from his grip, but he held her in place. "touya, it's fine. let go. keeping me here, forcing me to face you, is torture."

"you done whining?"

"i'm not whining." her brow furrowed as she finally met his gaze with a glare. he set his tea down on the counter, and before she could react, his hands were on her cheeks, pulling her in close.

"touya..." she whispered cautiously.

"don't freak out."

and with that, his lips were on hers, warm and firm, leaving no room for doubt. it was a rash decision on dabi's part, driven by a feeling he didn't fully understand. but it was real, and for once, he wasn't running from it.

there was no hesitation, no second thoughts, just the warmth of the moment. y/n's hands instinctively gripped his shirt, pulling him closer as their lips moved in sync. dabi's hand slipped to her waist, tugging her toward him until their bodies were pressed together, a sigh escaping his lips.

the kiss broke suddenly, leaving y/n breathless and dabi smirking slightly. "i think that went better than your confession. i win."

"shut up, touya. it's not a competition."

"oh yeah?" he teased, but his voice softened as he let out a deep sigh. for dabi, apologies didn't come naturally. he scratched the back of his neck, avoiding her gaze as he leaned against the counter. "look," he began gruffly, "i'm not good at this. feelings, whatever. you already know that, so don't act surprised."

y/n remained silent, her eyes focused on him, waiting.

"i didn't mean to make you think i didn't care," he continued, clearly struggling with his words. "i just... don't do all the emotional crap. alright?"

the silence between them was palpable, her gaze heavy on him as he clenched his jaw in frustration.

"i don't know what the hell i'm supposed to say. i didn't even realize i was feeling... anything until recently. and you think i know how to handle that?" he laughed dryly, rubbing a hand over his face. "i'm not used to it. but i don't want you thinking i don't give a damn."

finally, he met her eyes, his expression more serious than usual. "i want to be with you. i don't know how to say it right, and i'll probably mess up again, but... i'm not blowing you off. this is just... new for me."

he shoved his hands in his pockets, half-turning as if he were done, but then muttered under his breath, barely loud enough for her to hear, "i care, y/n. more than i thought i could. so... there. happy now?"

it wasn't the most graceful confession, but for dabi, it was as close to vulnerability as y/n had ever seen. and she accepted it, even if she couldn't resist teasing him.

"wow, touya," she said, crossing her arms. "that was almost... cute. maybe you should write a book on feelings. 'how not to apologize 101."

"oh, fuck off, y/n."

with a sudden pull, dabi wrapped an arm around her waist, guiding her toward the couch. "what are we doing?" she asked, stumbling slightly. "barely got any sleep last night because of you," he grumbled, settling back and pulling her onto his chest. "so, we're fixing that." he sighed. "what if i don't want to sleep?"

"you do realize talking to me instead of sleeping is like asking a cat to fetch, right?" he groaned, pulling her closer.

"fine."

"thanks," he muttered, closing his eyes. "and y/n?" his voice was soft now. "hmm?" she questioned.

"i'm shit at communication so i know i don't have the right to say this, but promise me it won't take you getting wasted to tell me something that important again."

"deal."

"no. say you promise."

"i promise, touya."

with a kiss on her forehead, silence fell between them-this time, it was peaceful, a welcome contrast to the chaos of the night before.

got a request? send it in and i'll write it :D

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ekaterinatepes · 3 years ago

Text

Nothing but the Best

Author’s note: it’s getting interesting here ;) enter prince charming Sugu-kun to save the day.

IX.

https://youtu.be/uhoiqVPmURE

youtube

Satoru was afraid of making a move, least he tipped you over the edge and made you bolt; he didn’t want that. Swallowing hard he looked into your eyes… God… he had missed your beautiful E/C eyes so much. Waking up every morning without you by his side, without you kissing him awake cause he was going to be late for work… again. Your absence had left a literal infinite void in his heart that he was unable to fill.

“I know I don’t deserve anything from you Y/N, but I love you and I cannot give up on us… We said forever when we got married. And I want that… with you” speaking from the heart was not something Satoru ever did. He always preferred to cover any emotions with inappropriate jokes and double entendres. But he knew he couldn’t play his stupid games, not with you and most certainly not now.

You pulled away in that moment, as if his touch was burning you. He allowed it, doing his utmost effort not to pull you back in. His hands itched resting at his sides, missing the warmth of your body.

|||

It was you and me, it seemed to last forever

The way you taste and I still remember… the sounds we made.

|||

“It would have been nice if you felt that way before you decided to ruin this marriage. Where were those promises of forever when you fucked someone else?” You asked piercing his eyes with yours. He cowered under your glare. Satoru had never been on the receiving end of your wrath and now he understood why most people chose (wisely) to not mess with you. Every single one of your words was chosen carefully to cause the most damage. At the same time… what hurt the most was that you were right.

“Leave and don’t ever come back… you and I… are through…” Satoru noticed how you avoided calling him by his name, he hated it. As if uttering his name would leave a bad taste in your mouth “Y/N…” he whispered pleadingly when you took another step away. But this time he didn’t have the courage to stop you as you disappeared inside your apartment and locked the door behind you.

|||

I bet you wish you had me back! Another chance to gain it, just like that. The best you ever had.

|||

Satoru was fucked.

—————

The next morning Suguru’s plane landed. JFK international airport was as busy and chaotic as one would expect. After collecting his luggage he made his way to a cab giving the driver your current address.

He hadn’t been able to sleep a wink during the trip, his mind swarmed with all the possibilities of what could be happening right now. Satoru didn’t play fair and of course… you loved (probably still love) the lucky bastard.

With a sigh he decided to focus instead on the city going by through the cab’s windows. It wasn’t the first time he was in New York and his mind was much more occupied torturing him instead of appreciating the landscape.

After 40 minutes, Geto stood before a very nice and modern building located in the upper east side called Hawthorn Park. You sure knew how to live in luxury. He approached the doorman and let him know his name and that he was here to see Miss Ekaterina Petrova to which the kind looking old man responded by using his intercom to contact you. Geto was soon granted access and guided to the elevator.

The elevator doors opened on the 21st floor, he walked to the door of your apartment which was already open and you were waiting for him. His smile fell once he noticed you have been crying “oh Kitten” dropping his luggage on the spot he surrounded your body in his arms “I’m so sorry…” one didn’t need to be a genius to know Satoru had found you.

You both moved inside your apartment. Settling on the spacious couch you buried your face on Suguru’s lap as you cried. He stroked your now darker strands of h/c hair without a word exchanged. He knew you needed to let it all out. After what seemed an eternity you sat back up. Suguru gently dried your eyes.

“He was here last night…” you whispered in a raw and scratchy voice, result of your endless hours of distress before his arrival “he told me he loved me, that he left Sookie” scoff “and hear this… he left her because the baby wasn’t his!” Talk about karma at its best. Suguru already knew that but he was surprised to hear Satoru had come clean about it to you “He probably thought I would fall for that! But I didn’t” you added firmly.

Suguru was proud of you. He knew how hard it was for you to resist Satoru but you stood tall and proud when it mattered the most. “What do you want to do now?” Where you planning on moving again?

“I’m not leaving…” you said looking into Suguru’s liquid amber gaze. You couldn’t help but notice once again he had such pretty eyes, like a cat. You’ve always liked them, specially when they looked at you with such tenderness. You have missed him dearly during all this time.

“I can’t keep running away from him; I mean… it’s obvious he won’t stop and I… I am tired of molding my life to adapt to his whims. I’m staying here whatever happens. Sugu… I got the part for the Swan Lake!” You added remembering you haven’t talked to him during the last week and so he didn’t know about your latest accomplishment.

Geto’s eyes enlarged before a huge smile split his handsome face and his massive frame engulfed you in a tight hug. Of course he knew everything about ballet, he was your best friend after all. This was huge! Probably as big as making it in the ballet world meant “I’m so proud of you Kitten!” He said excitedly kissing your temple. Maybe not everything was as bad as he thought.

You were upset, it was true. But then again you were not prepared last night. Satoru had taken you by surprise. Now… you knew he was here and more or less knew what to expect from your soon to be ex-husband.

“Thank you Sugu…” you stopped and pulled back just slightly to look into his eyes from your height. He was a very tall man compared to you “I missed you” you said with a bright smile to which Geto replied with one of his own before pulling you in again for another hug “I missed you too Kitten” stroking your back softly Suguru decided he was happy to be here… with you.

https://youtu.be/3oSXqLgoSq4

youtube

|||

She's given up, been holding on for way too long

She's had enough

He's coming home again

But it's too late 'cause she won't stay with him

|||

The sunshine hitting his face was what woke him up. With a grunt Satoru rolled over on his side only to fall unceremoniously from the couch where he had passed out last night. The last thing he remembered was warping back to his hotel after you left him on the roof. The memory of you, turning your back on him and walking away squeezed his heart in a painful grasp.

Alcohol was never something he was attracted to, he liked to keep his brain constantly alert and stimulated. It served a purpose of course, it kept his infinity barrier on at all times, even when he was asleep. But last night he hit rock bottom. He didn’t care anymore…

As soon as he got back to the hotel, hopelessness made a home in his chest, sitting heavy on his heart. Walking to the fully stocked bar placed on the corner of his suite he opened a bottle of whiskey. He started slow since most everything was too bitter for his taste, so he went through the process of trying every single bottle until he found something to his liking.

Two hours and about fifteen different shots of everything he decided to settle for a bottle of Amaretto, some fancy Italian liquor made of apricot kernels. It was sweet.

Everything else after that was blur. Moving his sore body from the floor he forced himself to go to the bathroom. Maybe a hot shower would help ease his misery. Peeling off his clothes the smell of booze clinging on them made Gojo cringe. He decided to brush his teeth before showering. Looking in the mirror he couldn’t recognize the man starring back at him. He was a mess.

|||

Are we just ghosts out in the night?

Are we just waiting for a light that doesn't shine?

Are we just faking or is this real?

'Cause I don't know how to feel

Are we just ghosts now, you and I?

|||

Last night he had been so desperate, so hopeless and broken hearted. That’s when it hit him… his wife didn’t hurt him, she didn’t cheat on him (unlike himself), she didn’t do anything to him and yet he was feeling as if the world was collapsing around him. He lied, cheated and fucked up everything for them both.

Guilt…

Unadulterated, burning and suffocating guilt was consuming him. He felt bad before but it wasn’t until last night that he grasped the concept that Y/N didn’t owe him anything at all and that HE didn’t deserve it anyways.

The plan originally had been to get back in your good graces by doing penitence, submitting to your every whim and desire by becoming your devoted slave for as long as you would have it. He never even considered the possibility that his wife DID NOT WANT to forgive him in the first place.

He thought you left to give him a lesson, that you would eventually come back to him after he had a taste of what it was like to lose you.

But even after you both shared such a searing kiss, so passionate that every cell in his body was humming, aflame with desire you still managed to walk away from him as if it meant nothing to you.

What good did it do to him to be the strongest when he couldn’t even protect his wife… from himself.

After showering, changing clothes and ordering every sweet pastry and desert from the room service menu Gojo stopped to rethink his strategy.

What?…

Did you think he was going to stop there?

Absolutely no, love!

If anything, your rejection had only fueled his need to get you back.

“Time for plan B” sighing he pulled out his phone it rang a couple times before someone answered “good morning Mrs. Mazzo, this is Gojo Satoru. I’m going to need you to forward to me Miss Petrova’s rehearsal schedule…”

—

“This is really good!” You hummed happily after swallowing a bite of your steak. Suguru sat across from you at Keens Steakhouse, with a grin he watched as you indulged yourself in what you called your ‘cheat meal’ of the month. Being a professional ballerina was a tough and demanding commitment that controlled every aspect of your life, from how you train to what you eat. Despite it all, Geto knew you always found a happy balance that worked just fine for you.

Seeing your big smile made his heart jump in his chest, you were as beautiful and alluring as the day he met you. If only he had told you he liked you before Satoru did. This question kept him up at night, playing all sorts of scenarios in his mind. If he had taken the first step… would things have been different? Would you have ended up together? Married? Shaking his head he tried to focus on what you were actually saying. Deviating his thoughts to that kind of scenarios was dangerous. He also didn’t want to push it when he was perfectly aware you were still healing; he wasn’t a low life piece of shit to take advantage of your vulnerability.

But when you smiles at him as if he was the only thing in your world, when you held his hand across the table, playing with his finger, his throat felt dry and tight.

“What do you think Sugu?” Your curious and expecting eyes caught him like a deer in the headlights “I’m sorry Kitten, I was distracted. Could you repeat that please?” He asked with an affable smile.

You chuckled and stroke his hand softly “you look tired, did you sleep at all in the plane?” He shook his head “no, I didn’t. I never can, it’s uncomfortable” he hid on purpose the true reason why he hadn’t been able to sleep “come on Sugu! Let’s go back home! I bet you are tired” you said offering him a sweet smile.

After paying your bill you walked the few blocks back home. Suguru of course would be staying with you in the spare room of your penthouse. Holding hands while you talked to him about the activities the city had to offer, your schedule and how you intended to fit the time to do some tourism with him. “You don’t have to bother Kitten, I know you are busy enough with your job, I will be fine” he insisted.

You stopped on your tracks and stood in front of him, pouting, making him chuckle. You looked every bit the kitten he knew you to be, all bothered and moody “no! I want to spend time with you too you know! I haven’t seen you in so long! I’m not going to waste this chance!” You insisted to which Suguru threw his hands up in the air “I surrender Kitten! Do with me as you will” you giggled and then blushed. “Uh… eh… ok! I will!” He took your hand again and you both resumed your walk.

Satoru warped to the roof top of the building adjacent to yours, the lights were out in your apartment and he couldn’t sense your presence inside. You left? Where did you go?

Before a second though he warped inside your apartment but he saw all your stuff was still there, maybe you went out for groceries or something?

After a few minutes sitting on your couch he decided to wait for you on the street so he could see when you got home.

(Almost an hour later)

Oh… he wasn’t ready for what he saw.

“That mother fu….” Satoru grinds his teeth watching you walk down the street holding onto Suguru’s hand while talking distractedly. From his hiding spot in front of your building he closed his hands in a tight fist.

Well, this complicated things… a lot more.

————-> Chapter 10

———————————-

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dreamifics · 3 years ago

Text

Love and Monsters

Steve Harrington x Reader!Henderson

Oneshot

Y/N Henderson's life was not like any other normal teenager's life, on a very young age her only friends was her brother, Dustin and his friends.. She was not popular in highschool, but she was not a nobody neither.. Y/N was just invisible, lost in the sea of students.. She was almost through highschool though, one day her life was turned upside down, literally and figuratively.. It's been months since the 'thing' happend, but she was still shaken up.

Y/N was laying in bed, My Generation blasting from her stereo.. She was home alone, her mother was out with some friends, her brother was hanging out with 'King Steve'.. Ever since Steve helped them about Dart, she grew closer to Steve but their short lived friendship ended when Dustin left for camp and Steve worked on their family business while she was stuck preparing herself for college.. Y/N misses Steve, his unfunny jokes and oh god--his laugh..

A loud knock startled her, she shot up from her bed, memories of what happend was flashing back to her.. Despite what she tells her friend, she was not okay.. She almost died twice and that opened up trauma's and issues within herself..

Another loud knock startled her, Y/N shakes her head and just ran to the door.. Reaching their front door, her icy hands made contact with the cold steel knob..

It revealed a disheveled Dustin and Steve, she could tell that there were excitement dripping all over them.. Steve was still wearing his sailor work uniform, he looked cute to Y/N but she once threw that thought in the back of her mind..

"What's up?" She questioned the two.

Dustin just smiled and pushed pass her, while Steve was reluctant to go in.. Steve avoided Y/N for almost the whole summer because of the daunting realization that he was catching feelings for her and that scared him.. Y/N was the kind of girl that likes to watch nerdy movies, spend hours playing games with a bunch of kids and save the world two times.. However, Steve was scared, he was still stuck in the unjustified rules of highschool and popularity. . He still wanted to be 'King Steve', but he also wanted to be Y/N's..

"Nice outfit, sailor boy.." Y/N winked and laughs at Steve, he just shakes his head and went inside their house..

Steve made his way to Dustin's room with Y/N right behind him, but before reaching Dustin's room, he passed Y/N's room.. He unconsciously stopped as he looks around, observing every corner of her room.

There were posters plastered all over her walls, books were all around her room in her bed, shelves and even floors.. In the other side she had a small collection of music that made Steve smile.. Because they had the exact same taste, she is the perfect girl.

"If you want to go in, you're free to wander around my room, anytime.."

Steve turned around to face Y/N, he misses her.. How Y/N sarcastic remarks leave her sweet lips or how she rolls her eyes whenever she see something stupid.

"I might just take you up on that.."

"Hm-mm.. You didn't even talk to me when Dustin left, you broke my heart, Steviee.." She jokes, but it sounded a little bitter.

Y/N did get hurt, Steve stopped talking to her when Dustin left, it seems like Steve didn't really like her as much as she thinks he did. Y/N was bored and got stuck just studying and sometimes hanging out with the party.. It was fun but she was looking forward to hanging out with Steve.

"I'm sorry about that, I didn't want to see my old friends hanging out with someone like yo---" Steve stopped his sentence, he didn't mean that.. His mind was a mess, he said those things because he didn't want Y/N finding out his stupid feelings

"Right..Yeah, I get it.."

"Y/N that's not what I me--"

"Cause King Steve shouldn't be hanging out with people like me?Gotcha.."

Steve didn't even had the time to reply, he was met with Y/N's slamming door.. He didn't mean that.. Steve loved hanging out with Y/N, he want to give her something special.. Steve wanted something more from Y/N.. He knew exactly what and he didn't need a reason why but Steve wanted to give Y/N something more..

Y/N was hurt, she didn't know why but Steve words brought devastation to her.. She felt disappointed and upset, Y/N was expecting something special.. She didn't know what or why but she was expecting something more from Steve.

Y/N was dropping off Dustin to the mall where Steve was working, her lips were in a unsual frown.. Y/N wasn't usally like this, she was having a bad week, Steve just hurt her feelings and she was taking it much harder, it was very unsual.. The two Henderson was making their way to the Scoops Ahoy shop, Dustin was rambling about a message he picked up while contacting his girlfriend.

"Are you listening?" Her brother asked as they reach the store.

"Yepp, you should go in now.."

"Y/N, this could be a good thing!"

"I know..If you need my help, you can find me in the food court.."

"Y/N.."

"Yeah, Dus?"

"Are you okay?"

Y/N's mind went blank, she hated lying to her brother but she didn't want to worry anyone. She laughs and messed Dustin's hair.

"Of course.. Now go, you know where to find me.." With that she left..

Y/N was not okay, the last time she slept was a month ago.. Nightmares kept crawling back to her, she was growing more paranoid by the day.. She was not okay, but she couldn't tell anyone that.. Everyone else is okay, even Wil who had it more rough than her. And to top that up, she was broken hearted by Steve's rejection of their friendship.. Y/N just massaged the bridge of her nose, when will she be fine?

Dustin and Steve was in the corner of the mall with binoculars in their eyes, Steve saw Y/N.. Sitting alone in the corner, a walkman in her ears and a book in hand.. Y/N was mouthing the word as her eyes read every word on that book and Steve couldn't help but feel all giddy and guilty inside.

"You see anything?" Dustin snapped Steve back to their current task.

"Uh, I guess I don't totally know what I'm looking for.'' Steve answered honestly, Y/N distracted him again.

"Evil Russians."

"Yeah, exactly. I don't know what an evil Russian looks like."

"All blond, not smiling."

"Mm-hmm?" Steve's eyes didn't looked for any Russians, his eyes drifted to Y/N spot but she was gone.. Where did she go? He couldn't help but worry, was she talking to someone else?

"Also, look for earpieces, camo, duffel bags, that sort of thing." Dustin added.

"Right, okay, duffel bags." Steve darts his eyes away from Y/N seat but it only fell on a girl he asked out earlier.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me." Steve mutters.

"What?" Dustin questioned.

"Anna Jacobi's talking with that meathead Mark Lewinsky."

"If you're not gonna focus, just gimme the binoculars."

Dustin got annoyed by his distracted partner, he should have brought his sister along.. But he knew that Y/N was not okay, she seemed distant and lost in her own mind.. Always spacing out and Dustin can hear her cries from his room, it killed him to see her loving and hyper sister transform into a walking corpse.

"Aw, Jesus Christ, whatever happened to standards?"

"I mean, Lewinsky never even came off the bench." Steve rambled on, annoying Dustin.

"Dude, you are the worst spy in history, you know that?"

The two fought for the binoculars, but they just looked stupid.. Dustin initially gave up and gave the binoculars to Steve.

"I don't get why you're looking at girls. You have the perfect one in front of you."

"Seriously, if you say Robin again..." Steve closes his eyes waiting for Robin's name to come up but it never did.

"No, Y/N.. My sister.."

Steve's heart clenched at the mention of her name, he wants Y/N too.. What can he do? Y/N hates his ass now, he was a jerk and he didn't deserve Y/N.

"No, man, she's not my type." Steve answered while he diverts his eyes away from Dustin.

"I saw you staring at her closed door for about 5 minutes."

Steve eyes grew wide at the realization that Dustin was watching the whole time.. Dustin just shakes his head, if he was asked he'd say that her sister felt the same way..

"She's not even... in the ballpark of what my type is, all right?"

"What's your type again? Not awesome?"

"Thank you."

"Hm."

"For you information, your sister is too sarcastic, she's too nerdy for me.."

"Also, she's too...boyish.."

Beautiful, that's what he wanted to say..

"Dude, that's my sister you're talking about, and besides she's not like that.. She's nerdy but so what? Y/N's also not boyish, she's just secured with her masculinity.."

Dustin's word echoed throughout Steve's system, he already knew that.. But somehow hearing it from another person's perspective made him like you more.

"Y/N's just not my type.." He lied..

Y/N was everything he ever wanted in a girl.

"Thanks for the clarification, Harrington." A voice surprised the two.

Y/N was standing behind them, her arms crossed.. Steve's eyes widen in surprise, did she hear everything? He didn't mean that, what did he mean?

"I didn't mean t--"

"Dustin, if you told me you'll stalk people in malls, I should've brought you to a psychiatrist.." Y/N ignored Steve and just focused on her brother.. Y/N would be lying if she haven't felt more hurt by the words Steve dropped.. She had been listening since the talk about girls came up, Y/N spotted the two doing eccentric things and she decided to eavesdrop.

"No, it's called spying.." Dustin rolled his eyes at her sister remarks while Steve was still frozen..

"What's the difference?" Y/N asked, her eyes still focused on he brother..

"It's just different, okay? Were looking for the--" Dustin stopped and looks around to see if anybody was near..

"Russians?" Y/N continued in a loud tone.

"Shh!" Both Steve and her brother shushed her. Y/N was surpised, she glares at the two and moved closer to them.

"Fine, can I tag along? I'm bored and it'll be nice to be a national hero."

The two looked at each other, Steve was nervous.. Y/N obviously didn't want him around, but this could be a chance for him to apologize to Y/N.

"Sure, you can help us look for russians with dufflebags and camo." Dustin pulled her sister to his side.

"That's kinda racis--"

"No, it's not!" Dustin cuts her sister off making Y/N laugh..

"Whatever you say Dus.."

And that's how she ended up inside a theater with two kids and two drugged teenagere.. Y/N's breathing was heavy, they were captured by Russians just moments ago.. Adrenaline was pumping through her veins, she thought this town was finally normal again, but turns out she was wrong.. Very very wrong..

They needed to get out of this hellish mall, Y/N need to find out if there's still russians lurking out, looking for them.

"The two of you need to stay here and take care of them." Y/N instructs to her brother, she pointed at a floopy Steve and Robin.

"Wait--Where are you going?!" Dustin stopped her by pulling her arm.

"I'm going to see if those fuckers are still looking for us.."

"No, we'll come with you.."

"Dustin, you need to stay here and keep a low profile.."

"Y/N don't be a hero.."

"Hey, Dipshit!I'm not trying to be a hero, what I'm doing is protecting you guys because our two friends are drugged and beaten while we brought a little kid into our mess!And I will do everything to keep you all safe, even if that means I get hurt or killed!"

Dustin knew that there's no talking Y/N out of this, her sister was right.. Taking a deep breath, he just nods and hugs her sister..

"Just please, stay safe.." Dustin was in the verge of tears but Y/N held him tight in her arms.. Dustin pulled back, Y/N gave her brother a comforting smile, she rubbed his cheeks and pat his head.

"I'll be okay, I'm a Henderson for god's sake.."

Dustin laughs as tears stroll in his face, she kissed his forehead and walked away, trying not to attract attention.. Taking a deep breath she left the theater, she'll do whatever it takes to keep her brother and her friends.. Y/N's mind flew to Steve, she was pissed off but she was not sure anymore.. The way he saved them and got beat up for them, she couldn't find a reason to be mad at him, all she can think about is his childlish look and how hot he is in his sailor uniform. Y/N just shakes those thoughts away and tried to focus on her task..

Russians..

Steve and Robin were throwing up in a seperate cubicles, they were getting the drugs out of their system.. Retching and puking can be heard all through out the theater bathroom, Steve groans and flushes the toilet.

"The ceiling stopped spinning for me. Is it still spinning for you?" Robin's voice can be heard from the other cubicle.

"Holy shit. No. You think we puked it all up?" Steve rested his back to the mini wall inside the cubicle..

"Maybe. Ask me something.."

"Interrogate me." Robin said in a mocking russian accent.

"Okay. Interrogate you. Sure. Um... When was the last time you, uh, peed your pants?"

"Today."

"What?"

"When the Russian doctor took out the bone saw."

"Oh... All right, my turn."

"Okay. Hit me."

"Have you... ever been in love?"

"Yep. Nancy Wheeler. First semester, senior year." Steve imitates a gunshot.

"Are you still in love with Nancy?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I found someone else, she's a little bit better for me.It's crazy. Ever since Dustin got home, he's been saying, 'You know, you gotta find your Suzie. You gotta find your Suzie.' "

"Wait, who's Suzie?"

"It's some girl from camp, I guess his girlfriend. To be honest with you, I'm not 100% sure she's even real."

" But that's not- that's not really the point. That doesn't matter. The point is, this girl, you know, the one that I like, it's somebody that I... didn't even talk to in school. And I don't even know why."

"Maybe 'cause Tommy H. would've made fun of me or... I wouldn't be... prom king. It's stupid. I mean, Dustin's right, it's all just a bunch of bullshit anyways. Because, when I think about it, I should've been hanging out with this girl the whole time."

"First of all, she hates me now because of a stupid thing I said but when we hanged out, we were bonding and shit.. She was perfect for me, she's nerdy, hangs out with kids too much.. She likes the same things I like, her brother is my bestfriend.. Sometimes I wonder if she's real, because she's too perfect."

"Wait--You like Y/N?"

"Yeah, ever since last year.. I like her so damn much, I can't even believe that I said to her that I shouldn't be hanging out with someone like her."

"YOU SAID THAT?" Robin's voice boomed out all over the bathroom, Steve just sighs and slids out of the cubicle..

"Unfortunately, yes.."

Steve slid in to Robins cubicle, she was glaring at him.

"If you ask me, Y/N doesn't deserve someone like me.. She--She's too nice to be caught up in my miserable life.. And besides she would never like me.."

"I think you're still high.."

"No, I'm not.."

"Do you remember what I said about Click's class? About me being jealous and, like, obsessed?"

"Yeah?"

"It isn't because I had a crush on you. It's because... she wouldn't stop staring at you.."

"Mrs. Click?" Robin chuckles and just shakes her head.

"Y/N Henderson, I wanted her to look at me. But... she couldn't pull her eyes away from you and your stupid hair. And I didn't understand, because you would get bagel crumbs all over the floor. And you asked dumb questions. And you were a douchebag. And- And you didn't even like her then and... I would go home... and just scream into my pillow."

"But Y/N's a girl.."

"Steve.."

"Oh.."

"Yeah, now listen..Don't give me the 'she doesn't deserve me' and 'she doesn't like me back' crap.. Y/N was inlove with you since highschool, now you will tell her all about your mushy mushy feelings and you'll two will get married, have kids and you'll have me to thank for. "

"But what about you?"

"Please, I moved on.."

"Really?"

"Hell yeah, with my pretty face?I could find someone in a jiffy!"

The two were laughing when Dustin and Ericka burst into the bathroom.. Annoyance and frustration written all over their face..

"Okay.What the hell?!" Dustin asked very annoyed.

"Dude, we're normal again.."

"That's not the problem now, we need to find Y/N and go with the rest of the party."

"Y/N's not with you?"

"Do you see her?" Erica asked with the normal sass in her voice. Robin rolls her eyes at Erica who just glares at her.

"Where did she go?" Steve ignored Erica's sarcastic question

"She said she'll check the perimeter, but she hasn't come back since." Dustin answered, she was worried for her sister.. In their situation, who wouldn't?

"Shit." Steve and Robin both utter at the same time.

Y/N was changed into a much more inauspicious clothes, it was just some pants and a shirt tucked into it.. She fixed her disheveled hair and wiped her sweat.. She needed to blend in, her eyes wander around the mall.. There were Russians walking around, bviously looking for someone and that someone was them.. All the exits are heavily guarded by guards, there's no way out..

Taking a deep breath she walked back to the theater, praying that her brother and friends was safely still there but before she could even reached the theater, a russian man spotted her..

"I got eyes on one of the target!" The russian said into his earpiece, making Y/N run to the higher level of the mall, her heart racing and she was starting to feel tired.

Y/N just ran until she lost the russian, her breathing was getting shorter by the second.. Y/N's leg was starting to hurt but she ignored it and looked down to see if she can spot her brother..

And there they are, getting chased by guards.. Worries pumped into her brain as they run.. She needed to help them, if not they could get killed.

"Hey stupid spies!I'm right up here, morons!" Y/N screamed at the top of her lungs as she waves her hands around..

Steve and Dustin was horrified as they hide into the counters, Y/N was risking her life for theirs..

The guards that was chasing them made eye contact and targeted Y/N but before they could do anything a car honk.. The russians looked at each other, confused and dazed.. Eleven can be seen controlling the car, she throws it at the bad men and all they could hear were groans..

Y/N felt a surge of relief, she made her way to her brother.. Dustin, Robin, Erica and Steve pop out from behind the counter, steam hissing.. Y/N saw her brother and they all rushed up to hug her..

A tight hug welcomed Y/N, but this hug wasn't just from Dustin.. It was also from Robin, Erica and Steve.. Suddenly they all look up to see the rest of the party.. The hug was cut off by Dustin running to hug Mike and Eleven.

"Lucas?" Erica saw her brother and it made Lucas confuse..

"What are you doing here?"

Y/N who was just taking in deep breaths smiled to herself.. They were safe, but she knew this was not over.. Steve stayed in Y/N side, Robin's word replayed in his mind.. This is his chance to say his undying love to Y/N.

"Y/N?"

"Hmm?" Y/N saw Steve besides her, she was growing tired but Y/N needed to keep thriving for everyone.. Y/N saw that Steve was hesitant, he was nervous and it made her felt nervous too.

"I--I uhh.." Steve mumbles, his tongue was backing out.. Y/N had such a powerful effect on him, to the way she says his name, and everytime Y/N calls him, his heart skips a beat.. It sounds corny, but it was true..

"What?Do you need a speak and spell?" Y/N joked, it didn't help a struggling Steve.. He started to grew more anxious, he needed to get this off his chest.. This could be the last time they all see each other alive, there's no telling what could happen to them.

Y/N was just staring at him

"I have something to confess---"

Steve was cut off by El who was in pain and grunting in the floor.. They all ran to her aid and helped her with the pain she was going through.. Steve slightly curses at himself, maybe this was not a great time for a love confession.. He needed to focus on surviving this hellish adventure.. Again

It finally ended.. Y/N was relieved, it was over.. They were safe, Y/N and Dustin were sitting in the back of an ambulance, a blanket around them as they hug each other..

"If this shit happens again, we're moving.." Y/N jokes.. Dustin chuckled, maybe they should.. However, the adventures were growing more fun and dangerous..

"Nah, we love being heroes.."

Y/N laughs as she held her brother tighter, she fixed his hair and wipe some dirt off his face.. Even if he's old now, he'll always be Y/N's baby brother.. She smiled at the memory of Suzie and Dustin singing in the middle of mayhem and chaos.

"Stooop, I'm all grown up now!" He stood up and made his way to his friends..

"Don't get too far, lover boy!" Y/N shouted causing Dustin's cheek to blush..

Y/N sighs at the sight of her brother walking away from her, this is the last time she'll save the world, she was tired of monsters.. Y/N was just enjoying the cold air of the night when someone cleared their throat.

"Hello to you Harrington.." Y/N smiled at Steve, he was just standing infront of her.. Y/N can't help but feel giddy when Steve's in his sailor outfit.. It saddens her that Steve was still stuck in his highschool mindset..

"I have something to tell you.." Steve mumbles incoherently, but Y/N understood it.. Steve was always nervous when Y/N's around, he remember the first time he saw Y/N..

Steve saw Dustin on the street asking for help, and he didn't believe at him first but he was soon convinced by how Dustin was nervous and scared.. They pulled up at the Henderson's residence, that's where he first saw--no that's not the right word..

That's where he first acknowledged Y/N..

She was sitting on the porch steps on her pajama's, there were dirt on her face and her hairs a mess.. Y/N's face lighten up when he saw Dustin getting out of the car..

"Hey Dus------What is he doing here?" Y/N's face dropped when he saw Steve also getting out of the car.

"He's our back up.." Her brother answered short and continue walking into the entrance of the basement.

"I'm back up..'' Steve said cocky at Y/N, she just scoffs and followed Dustin..

"For a guy with a black eye, you're awfully confident.."

"That's what seeing a pretty girl like you does to me.." Steve didn't know what he ate that time but he had this whole new confidence when he started talking to Y/N.. However, Y/N didn't seem impressed to his corny jokes and pick up lines, she was always scoffing and rolling her eyes..

"Yeah, you said that too when we were inside..That" Y/N's voice pulled him back to the present.. Y/N gestured at the burning mall infront of them.

"Yeah.." Steve cleared his throat, he opens his mouth, but the words won't come out he's chokin', how, everybody's jokin' now, the clocks run out, times up, over, blaow .

"Are you gonna say something?" Y/N was starting to get nervous, did she do something to make Steve act strange? He was shaking, the sweat on his forehead is flowing like the Niagara Falls.. That's not attractive yet for some reason she found it hot..

"Oh--Yeah--Uhh.." He failed to say words again, why can't he just go straight to the point?

Robin who was with the rest of the party was staring at a stuttering and nervous Steve.. The rest started to notice even Jonathan and Nancy who was in each others arms..

"When is he gonna tell my sister that he likes her?" Dustin ponder as he stares at the two..

"I don't know, he's taking forever just uttering one sentence.." Lucas pitched in making the others laugh..

"I thought Steve was a suave and cool guy?" Mike jokes causing some of them to laugh, some was just quiet.. They were still having a hard time grasping all of this, especially Max..

"He's a nerd just like you guys.." Nancy answered, they all shake their heads as they watch Steve nervously fidgets..

"Alright, I finally had enough.." Robin whispers, the party turned to Robin, carefulky watching to what she had under her sleeves..

"HEY Y/N!" Robin shouts..

Y/N broke her gaze with Steve and brought it to a shouting Robin, not far from them.. Steve just froze to his place, panic started blaring out through his mind..

"WHAT STEVE'S TRYING TO SAY IS HE FREAKING LIKES YOU!" Robin shouted, and it all made them freeze.. Y/N blinked rapidly, did she hear that right? Steve l-likes her? What? When? How? Where?

Steve felt embarrased, he wanted the crawl in a hole and die.. Robin was dead to him, how could she do that? Now Y/N's gonna start to avoid him, she obviously doesn't like her back.

"I-Is that true?" Y/N finally asked the question she was dying to ask, she never really thought about Steve that way.. Fine, she's not gonna lie, there were some thoughts about Steve that kept her up at night..

"I can explain--If you don't feel the same it's totally fi----" Steve panicked and randomly said any excuses he can think off, not giving Y/N a chance to speak..

Y/N rolled her eyes at how Steve was rambling on, she smiled and stands up.. Pulling Steve sailor outfit, she kissed him..

Steve pressed his lips harder on Y/N, he wanted this kiss to happen since he first saw her.. And now it's happening, Y/N puts her arm around Steve's neck.. This was her first kiss and she was glad that it was to Steve.. They both kissed as the burning Star Court crumbles infront of them. Y/N didn't knew that you can find love and monsters in this terrifying situation..

Dustin groaned at the sight of her sister and bestfriend kissing, he wanted to vomit and scoop his eyes out.. This was not a sight for sore eyes..

"Ugh!I don't want to watch my sister exchange salivas with Harrington!" Dustin sigh under his breath

"Get used to it, you'll be seeing a lot of him.." Robin teased making Dustin die inside.

"Dammit!"

Y/N was just thinking that some people lost someone special, Eleven lost Hopper.. Max lost Billy and the rest will wake up in the morning with terrible memories haunting them everyday, they can no longer feel the assurance that they're safe in the quiet town they grew up to. They knew everything that lies withing the depths of this ground, all the horrible things that Hawkin Labs brought.. Chief Hopper and Billy Hargrove died for them, they were heroes.. And the sad part is, no one will ever know.. Those who deserves to be recognized is no longer here, the heroine act they did save the world yet the world doesn't even know about them.. But Y/N and the rest knows that the sacrifices they made won't go to waste, they'll do everything in their power to keep whatever haunts this eerie town at bay.

I found this highly nice but cringey at the same time so bear with it, I also wanted to update my series about James Potter but I just can't seem to end it ughhhhh..Anyways, I hope you guys like this one..

By commenting, or reblogging this post, you’ll be telling me that you’re interested in being on my tag list! You’re also welcome to DM me or send me an ask if you’re more comfortable with that :)

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etheriadearie · 4 years ago

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Shadow Weaver’s Death, Her True Abusiveness, And Her Final, Beautiful, Gift To Catra

::The resistance fighters stand in the failsafe chamber. Catra has just called Shadow Weaver out on her manipulation. Shadow Weaver reluctantly explains the danger of the failsafe, and then implores Adora to take it: even if she fails, Shadow Weaver says, she will save her friends, and the universe. As literally every other person in that room cries out against Adora taking the risk, Adora turns and says she will do it. Catra, dismayed, runs to her telling her that Shadow Weaver is sacrificing her, and demands to know why she's letting her do that. Adora tells Catra "Because even if she is, it's better than Prime getting the Heart and destroying the universe." Catra trembles in deathly fear, her face consumed in terrible realization: if Adora does as SW wishes, she will die. Shadow Weaver is trying to kill Adora. She knows this to her very soul, because... she is Shadow Weaver... And Adora is letting it happen…

Hi there, my name is Joel, and in this segment I'll be looking at Shadow Weaver's death, her being a child abuser, her terrible manipulations of Catra and Adora and the monstrous pains the two girls have to conquer to save themselves from her.

The main premise I'll be trying to explain here is that, like Horde Prime, Shadow Weaver is a villain of utmost seriousness. And, like Horde Prime, the girls will treat her as one, surpassing and defeating her once and for all. But it won't be with violence, but instead with love, creating a beautiful story of two people transcending their trauma and hurt through coming together over their love for one another.

I feel obliged to warn readers: this post will cover child abuse, even predatation (*not sexual, ie). It may be hard to read. Also warning: tl;dr, please consider at least sitting down to read this!

Finally, I know there are Shadow Weaver fans out there; that's good. Shadow Weaver is, at times, cool af. But, definitively a terrible person within the plot of the show.

So, even if you're a fan of Shadow Weaver, I still encourage you to read along because as we reveal her truth and the damage she deals to Catra and Adora, it makes her final moment so, so much more beautiful… and it gives entirely new meaning to her final... two… words….

Disclaimer time: Taking on Shadow Weavers death is ambitious for a first post, I know. But understanding her is crucial to understanding most of the major moments in this show. Still, I should say here that while this may seem a bit ‘head’ canon-y, I assure you my conclusions come from watching the show carefully and referencing the entirety of the rest of the show back to this one moment. I'm instead positing these as theories, and let's just say I feel I have the data, and Data Never Lies! Please *do* ask questions or seek calcifications in the comments or Ask me anything (I'm new to Tumblr).

----Part 1: Catra, Micah, and the Truth----

To start this journey we will travel backwards in the series to investigate the what and why of the terrible child abuse Catra suffered growing up under Shadow Weaver's care. We will be looking chiefly at the Light Spinner episode in the 2nd season. We will cover Catra's confrontation and SW's -supposed- explanation for her abuse, then the tale of Micah and Shadow Weaver's manipulation of him, and then the terrible truth of why Catra -really- was abused.

>A terribly alone Catra asks her abusive mother why she did it. Why did she treat her so badly ?

Shadow Weaver answers: "Because you remind me of myself. You always have. Nothing was ever easy for me either. I wasn't born to power like Adora and... others. I had to earn my power, fight for it. Why should it be any different for you?"

This is a very typical reason for an abuser to feel they are acting out their abuse on others: no one in this world understands my pain, so therefore I will inflict my pain upon a child so that they will know my pain as well. For many people this is essentially the truth of their abusers. I can't see any other reason for MY abusers to do what they did, other than this. It is, however, not the truth about Catra. We will discuss this in detail later.

We then watch as Catra does a very strong and eloquent job of rejecting and condemning it. She shows great emotional pain as she does so, and we know that her trauma is severe from watching her. Catra exclaims, her face full of emotional hurt and pain at Shadow Weaver's betrayal: "I was a child when you took me in. What could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me? I am nothing like you. You are old, and bitter, and weak."

Everything she says is perfectly true. As a child, there is no way she could have deserved the abuse Shadow Weaver inflicted on her. There never is. And she's also right when she says she's not anything like Shadow Weaver. Where Shadow Weaver is an unfeeling monster (as we will see), Catra feels deeply. Catra is inherently good, and while she will make terrible mistakes to come, she feels intense remorse. Shadow Weaver simply does not.

So, Shadow Weaver gives Catra a believable reason for the abuse, which, again, is a lie. But... there is meaning which we need to take from her choice of words: Shadow Weaver feels others, like Adora and Micah, are given an unfair advantage over people like herself. We will come back to this important insight soon...

Before we get to the real, harsh truth of why Catra was abused, we need to understand the tale of Micah and ‘Light Spinner’-‘s manipulation of him to get power.

>The story of Micah seems to be full of whimsy and childlike innocence. A young boy is talented beyond his years, a true prodigy. SW trains him, giving him access to teachings beyond what a sorcerer of his age should have. She tells him he's special, a true talent, like her. When she tells him "the guild needs talents like OURS more than ever before" she manipulates him, making him feel apart, better than all the other students and teachers, and that only SW can understand. It's SW's greatest talent: dividing people against each other, and this is part of her lifelong manipulation of Catra and Adora. Note: Castaspella accuses SW of mind controlling Micah (s5e8) to which SW responds "My gifts were always far subtler than that” - SW controls young Micah through mind games.

>SW hints of something of great importance, but then says "you're not ready". Micah demands to know, he's a special boy after all, right? He's so incredibly naive and innocent, doing things like chewing on magic crystals and acting out in class. He is, in fact, exactly the kind of privileged child who SW so greatly hates. This is where we get real meaning out of SW's supposed explanation for abusing Catra: Micah has inborn power that SW feels he is unworthy of possessing...

She preys upon his naiveness, showing him the Horde army. He, of course, demands they be stopped, and he's playing right into her hands. When she tells him the plan and of the upcoming meeting she tells him "I only hope that Norwyn and his followers can see the threat as clearly as YOU do." Again, she is making him feel apart, as though he's better than others. After all, he's a special little prodigy, right ?

SW gives her presentation at the council, trying to prey upon their fear by saying that the Horde have a rune stone. As she speaks of the spell of obtainment, her eyes are full of lust at the idea of so much power. But it is forbidden, and for good reason. As she looks over her shoulder at Norwyn her look is severe, accusing. She has no respect for him. And he's right to say that the problem will be handled: the war, in fact, does become a stalemate and stays that way all the way up until we are first introduced to Catra and Adora. Angrily, greedily, she demands they get power so they can 'have a planet to protect'.

She fails to convince them, but of course Micah sees her leaving the meeting, angry and frustrated, so he comes to her aide. "They never listen to me. After all I've done I still haven't earned their trust". Again, SW is set apart from them. When she says "they just want to hold the rest of us back" she's including Micah, making him feel separate, better, like her. She's indoctrinating him in her plan.

>We get a scene between Catra and SW here, where Catra tries to get SW to give her a reason to save her. All SW wants to know is when she's being sent to Beast Island: she realizes she has to escape that night. She sets out to manipulate Catra into giving her the reagent she needs to escape. SW talks up how weak and powerless she is, preying on Catra's lingering pity, desire for connection. A emotionally desperate Catra unfortunately gives it to her. Catra tells her "you don't get to ask things of me anymore" but she's desperate and depressed, feeling totally alone after so recently seeing Adora and consequently nearly dying the episode before, only to be saved by Scorpia's caring about her.

>And apprehensive Micah asks SW if she's sure this is a good idea. She tells him "WE need this power, it's the only way to protect our people". It's a lie, but Micah thinks he's special because he's SW's apprentice, and so he agrees to do it.

As the spell begins to work, we see a terrifying eldritch horror type of creature summoned. It soon breaks free even as Micah helps SW try to contain it. SW acts surprised to see it, but she always knew this spell. Micah runs, and SW stays, yelling angrily at Micah for leaving. She experiences fear as it consumes her, but she knows it's part of getting her power. This is the price she pays to become powerful. She tells Micah he betrayed her by abandoning her and yet, what other possible outcome was there but for them BOTH to be destroyed or corrupted? Norwyn tries to stand up to her, telling her "bringing you into our ranks was a grave mistake". She counters calling him a fool. "You're all weak. None of you deserve my help".

I often see people say this show doesn't show death, but what happens next is undeniably so: it is murder. She annihilates two sorcerer's in one hit, consumes the head sorcerer to give her more magical power. It is pure evil. As she realizes her new power she exclaims "The spell worked. I am stronger than ALL of you." She menaces Micah.

This. Was. Always. The. Plan. The spell worked, she says so herself. Micah tries to defend himself weakly against her, he's entirely at her mercy. He expects death, but instead she caresses his cheek, touches his ear. Then she gives him a look of disdain. It's no mistake she covers half her face even at this point in her history, so we can't know her full emotions. But it's clear, she condescends to him: he was a naive little pawn, not meant to survive, or at minimum, he was supposed to become corrupted like her. But it doesn't matter. She got what she wanted. So she leaves him to live knowing what he's done. The tale of ‘Light Spinner’ has ended: her better persona was just an illusion, useful in her goal of obtaining more power. An empowered Shadow Weaver then shows up at the Fright Zone, killing the guard as a demonstration of power. She declares herself for Hordak, and at least a partial truth is apparent: she wanted the vampiric power so she could channel the Black Garnet. Changing sides bothers SW not at all.

I point out SW’s violence because it is the only time they show any graphic death in this show, and it's therefore meant to show that SW is different, and dangerous. There really was no ‘Light Spinner’, as at multiple moments during her time at Mystacor her true emotions show through (such as pic1, top) and they are both vile and malicious, to put it lightly. Furthermore, note that SW going to the Horde doesn't end up ensuring their victory over the princesses, so yes, in fact, SW was lying to Micah all along. Last, keep in mind Micah’s opinion of her later on: SW is never to be trusted.

Now it's time to get back to the real reason Catra was abused and it's important implications for Adora's abuse as well.

>The scene following Catra's confrontation with SW, we see baby Adora having just arrived in the Fright Zone. SW walks past her, not particularly interested... and yet she sees something in her. And so she takes interest. She knows, in some way, that Adora will wield powerful magic, and since it also becomes clear to us that SW knows all about the past history of She-ra and the Heart of Etheria, it's a logical jump to say she probably thinks Adora is She-ra. Either way, Adora is a powerful orphan child with inborn talent beyond any normal expectation.

Sound familiar? The tale of Micah is there to inform this moment: SW meeting baby Adora. She is in a position to wield ultimate control over a magically privileged child. And the implications are not good...

Apologies to readers here, this next part is intense. Just a quick warning. The total implication of this is that SW never loved Adora, just like she didn't care about Micah. It is all manipulation, and it should be noted that at this point SW has switched to a full mask, conveniently hiding all emotion except a sliver of her eyes (as well as hiding her corrupted features). It's now almost entirely impossible to accurately read her emotions. I don't think she wants you to, as she really has no feelings of actual compassion. She only sees Adora as a privileged child she will use and then discard for her own power.

This means she is, in fact, a child predator. In this case, she's a predator of children of privilege, but the effect is the same: she sees such children as easy targets for her to manipulate for her own gain. Worse, the strong emotional feelings which Adora naturally feels towards those around her makes her easier to control, and SW manipulates this vulnerability against her, as a child and then again as they are headed for the failsafe.

So, returning to the real truth of why SW abused Catra. Let's take a look back at Catra’s condemnation of SW's explanation for her abuse, and it's just one line we need to understand: "I was a child, what could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me?" As it turns out, Catra -did- do something, and you have to adore and appreciate this show because we don't get this answer until the very end. Before season 5 was available, it would simply be impossible to understand Catra's story fully. The creators want you to come full circle of so many understandings, the story is that deep.

It's that one, beautiful, follow on line when Catra confesses her love to Adora- She says "I always have"...

Adora was Shadow Weaver's tool, her next prey. So, along comes Catra, who experiences romantic love for Adora right from the start. Beautiful, total love and devotion. SW sees this, and she decides that she can't let Catra be a hindrance to her plans. And yet she knows she can't kill Catra outright or risk losing Adora's affection. So she hurts Catra, tries to make her weak, to diminish her. She is trying to crush Catra's spirit, her will to live, all while making sure to instill a sense of duty and ambition in Adora which makes her less available to Catra. The abuse works, but not on Catra. Catra stays loyal to Adora, and is so secretly strong within herself in such a way that SW fails to destroy her spirit, although Catra has such incredible trauma from it that we see her struggle with it throughout the rest of the series.

But the abuse does work on Adora and so she grows apart from Catra in such a way that Catra eventually comes to feel Adora doesn't love her. And when Adora so clearly breaks the final half of the promise she made to Catra, Catra too, grows apart from Adora.

Catra therefore represents a person in this story who would have been so entirely below SW's notice that had she not loved Adora the way she did, SW would never have taken the time to hurt her. It wouldn't have been worth her time, and Catra would have had a happy(ish) childhood if not for loving Adora. By the way, this truth of SW's abuse of Catra is indeed confirmed in the show, but we don't have time to cover it here and it deserves its own theory post, anyways.

Before we get back to s5 let's take a brief moment to address SW's abuse of Adora: Adora is the kind of person who can't help but empathetically feel the pain of others when they feel it, and it's what makes her to be so unable to balance her own needs against those of others who are hurting. And so SW making Adora have ambition, to want to win at the expense of others, is actually a frightening manipulation. SW teaches Adora to believe she has to do this in order to be the leader, and then as the leader she must protect everyone else from harm. Adora goes on to show great emotional confusion over this, as she doesn't really feel she’s qualified to be that leader. It makes her feel alone from everyone else, and makes Adora worry about every decision she makes. SW essentially saddles Adora with a lonely burden of leadership, one which she's not well suited for. Adora has a very ADHDish (I’m no expert on ADHD) response to this where she bounces around trying to satisfy everyone else’s feelings, such as within their unit, and so her relationship with Catra suffered because of this.

To sum up, the abuses SW inflicts on the two of them results in their division from each other, and it's a division which tries to tear down both girls spiritually throughout this series. They each have specific traumas relating to Shadow Weaver's abuse of them. These are different, damaging fears SW instilled in each of them to make them easier to control. Because of this, both girls contribute to their separation to the two different sides of the war, and it's only through the great emotional learning of each of them that they are able to start putting it back again in season 5. And so, we will see that when SW returns in season 5, she immediately tries to pick up where she left off… to drive them apart from each other and manipulate them, once again, for her own gain.

Side note #2 before we get back to season 5: SW has a complete and total lack of love for Catra as well. Her callous manipulation of Catra, followed by leaving the fright zone like she did, was a spiritual blow and then a death sentence for Catra. SW would know this and yet she simply did not care. Furthermore, when they meet in Moment of Truth (s3ep4), SW again tries to kill Catra, only stopping short because Glimmer can't withstand the magical drain SW is taking from her. She's just not good people... And if she has such a total lack of love or compassion for Catra, it's a logical jump that she has just as little love and feeling for Adora.

Anyways... let's work on that season 5, phew, I know this is long. We're not done yet, though...

----Part 2: The present up till SW’s Death----

Alright, so returning back to season 5 where we began...

Catra is certain that SW is killing Adora. And the reason Catra is so certain of this is because she understands this fundamental truth behind the childhood abuse of of her and Adora. She knows that SW intended to use Adora, and was grooming her in order to use her to gain more power. And, she knows the true nature of SW’s abuse of Catra herself, that it was meant to destroy her so she wouldn't get in the way of SW using Adora.

How exactly Catra knows this I won't cover here, it would take too long and it deserves its own theory post. But, it is pretty well confirmed in the show as well. No distractions! Moving on...

So… when Adora tells Catra she will take the failsafe even though SW is killing her, it's Catra’s knowledge that SW is for certain doing this to Adora which leads Catra to shake in fear, and then refuse Adora once she returns with the failsafe. This moment goes much deeper than just Catra knowing she can't live without Adora, although that is also true.

Ok so here it is, the big theme we will now delve into, that explains so much:

The all important, crucial thing that Catra isn't seeing is that in order for SW to sacrifice Adora, it is entirely dependent on abusive manipulations is SW doing to both of them, starting from the moment they first see SW in season 5, which are intended to make sure Adora doesn't survive deploying the failsafe.

I know it's a tough implication to accept, but I promise to explain. So why? Why would SW not want Adora to survive? This, atleast, should be obvious: She-ra could stop SW once she has the power, so She-ra is an enemy that SW needs to eliminate to achieve ultimate power. So, SW's goal is to get Adora to bring the failsafe to the heart, but then be too weak to survive the process... leaving SW the uncontested champion by her magical vampiric powers. And so... SW manipulates the two girls, doing her most familiar trick: driving them apart, making them feel isolated from each other.

Her manipulations begin from the very moment Catra and Adora see her in season 5, and they continue up until Adora accepts the failsafe and a bit beyond.

So let's lay this out from the beginning, shall we? Episode 10: When SW walks into the room, saying she knows where the failsafe is, Catra is at first surprised at her appearance, she's thrown off guard. Catra very much wanted to stop SW once and for all, but never got the chance. And now, the new, more feeling Catra is faced with her oldest enemy: she can't hide her hatred and anger at her. It pretty much takes everything she's got not to violently attack her right there and then. But this new Catra isn't going to sink to that low. And yet... SW will intentionally aggravate and attack Catra to reactivate her trauma.

What I find very interesting about that scene, though, is that both Glimmer and Adora immediately look to Catra, knowing she will be upset, both trying to help her. And yet, it's Glimmer who looks first.

Even though Glimmer never says it out loud, Glimmer knows SW played and manipulated Glimmer herself, and that her manipulations were ultimately the reason that Glimmer made the mistake of activating the Heart, which brought Horde Prime's fleet down upon Etheria. Glimmer also watched SW torture and almost kill Catra in s3ep4, so I think Glimmer knows very well how dangerous SW is and how badly she's hurt Catra in the past. Instead, we can take the story of Glimmer and SW as another stand out example of how, once again, we saw SW manipulate someone, Glimmer in this case, with no concern for her well being.

>Adora is also thrown off by SW's reappearance, she doesn't enjoy seeing her either. But then, she also sympathetically looks to Catra, knowing this is a hurtful moment for her. All of this is to say that Catra actually has strong allies against SW, unlike in the past. And it's very important that Adora is such a staunch ally to Catra against SW, in fact it's everything. But, Adora doesn't quite do a good enough job in showing Catra how strongly aligned she, too, is against SW. Unintentional though it may be, as we will see.

>Episode 11: Continuing on, Glimmer immediately opposes SW's desire to use the heart's power. Castaspella tries to say SW is the lesser of evils, but of course, Castaspella is just a pawn. Catra jumps on Casta's words, calling SW evil... SW taunts her back mockingly and we see Catra's anger start to get out of control. But, Adora knows, one way or another, that SW is the root of all of Catra's pain, and so she comforts her, showing her that she sees her pain, and that she's got her back.

Again, it's very important that Adora is Catra's greatest ally against SW, as she has learned to treat SW as a de facto enemy because she has seen the pain and torment Catra experienced because of SW’s abuse; in addition to her own knowledge of how SW manipulated herself as a child.

>Adora confronts SW, asking why she even needs their help getting the failsafe. SW answer is a lie, but plays to her manipulation of Casta, who she needs: she says she can't get past Micah. (Note: who she actually needs is Adora.) As SW tells her plan she leans into Adora's emotional fears of letting others get hurt and reminds Adora she has to be the hero, SW even touches Adora, which we see Catra react angrily to. But, SW successfully manipulates Adora into accepting her plan, and Catra can't stand to watch it as she knows it must somehow be a dangerous manipulation. Catra quietly leaves to try to process her anger. We then see Adora slap SW's hand away, showing defiance, but as Catra has left, she probably doesn't see that. Adora looks around and sees that Catra is gone, which SW responds to by trying to manipulate her into leaving Catra behind, as she knows Adora is more vulnerable without Catra around. But Adora is wary of SW's manipulations, and goes after Catra. SW is aggravated by this.

>The two girls have a very good, emotional talk about SW. Catra is dismayed, but Adora is always brave for others, so she tells her she's got to try. Adora acknowledges Catra's pain, their pain, from SW's abuse. Ultimately Adora convinces Catra to come. Together, Adora says SW can't hurt them anymore. Catra reminds Adora how dangerous SW is, but the girls have reaffirmed their bond, their promises to each other. Which is important later, as this will come up again.

>As they infiltrate Mystacore, Catra is apprehensive and stays at the back. But as the mission progresses she drifts towards the front, trying to be the lookout so she can protect Adora. This, unfortunately, puts her in physical proximity to SW when they check the ritual chamber. Catra checks the chamber, but then a sorcerer appears out of nowhere (literally, how??) and SW grabs her in a way that's very reminiscent of s1ep2, traumatizing her.

I can't help but conclude SW is being intentionally hurtful in order to unnerve Catra. She could have just pointed, or put her hand to Catra's mouth, after all. Catra throws herself away from SW, demanding she not touch her, and makes the mistake of dropping the spell and revealing their presence. Look closely at this scene and you see Adora actually shows great anger, even violent intent towards SW for doing this to Catra, but it's so quick Catra probably doesn't see it, as she's staring down SW instead.

Under a track, Adora tries to become She-ra, but she's too emotionally conflicted since the episode before when they returned to the Fright Zone and Adora started to realize she's been letting Catra down, leaving her hanging. And SW's hurting of Catra also blocks Adora, she's trying to help Catra and yet she's accepting SW's guidance again, which she knows Catra hates and doesn't trust.

>As they pass through the door and continue down a corridor, Adora sees Catra is in emotional pain and holding herself, so she lends her emotional support. She knows SW touching her was incredibly abusive. She tells Catra that it'll be ok, and to trust her, hitting her with her dearest look of love and care for her. She knows SW is Catra's enemy, and she's got her back. Catra looks back, trying to trust her, to put her fear aside. But the moment is cut short when SW interrupts them, guilting Catra for revealing their presence. Adora walks on, saying they have to keep moving, and her face says she's doing it to stop SW from talking to Catra, but again, Catra doesn't see Adora's face. Catra feels left behind, that the moment was cut short. It's by the barest off margins Catra is missing how strongly Adora is coming down against SW for her sake.

> We get more information about SW's corruption next, that it's a way to bypass the crystal of Arxia and get at Heart of Etheria's energy, and we know this because it's discussed immediately after Castaspella tells them about the crystal of Arxia. So, if the magic is released, SW will have practically unlimited power. SW just mocks Casta when she tries to guilt SW over using the spell, she gives no apology. We see both Catra and Glimmer seemingly have a deeper realization about SW and her powers and that both of them look disturbed by it.

>Continuing on, we get the scene where Catra saves Adora from fire, which is so cute but I'll skip the romantic implications: as Catra walks through the fire, Adora stops and frets over not knowing what to do about Catra, how to give her what she wants. Adora is worried she's going to fail, that she could die. It's Adora's biggest, lifelong fear as the bearer of She-ra, and she struggles with it continuously throughout the series. To her, it therefore doesn't make sense to her to get Catra's hopes up too soon.

>Adora's thoughts naturally turn to her inability to transform... and SW pounces on the opportunity in order to exploit it.

Consider now, if Adora's problem is becoming She-ra, why does SW immediately give her a hard time about Catra, instead? Adora rejects SW's criticism, but SW flips the conversation telling Adora she can't be a weak She-ra and seemingly blaming it all on Catra. She tells Adora that her weakness means she's letting everyone else down. SW tells her she has to focus, and Catra makes her weak. This is terribly the opposite of the truth and SW knows this. What she’s really doing is a deep manipulation of Adora that leans on her early abuse of her: Adora has to be perfect for everyone else, and as she's the only one who can do it, she's totally alone in this burden. The truth is that Adora has always needed other people, that's where she draws strength from. Catra loves Adora simply for who she is: she represents the strongest, smartest and most dedicated person, ie, she's the most powerful person to help Adora with her emotional need for support.

Which SW knows, so she does her best to try to separate them, to make Adora think she's alone. SW does this by grouping Catra with everyone else: save everyone, or no one. Then she delivers a direct assault of Adora spiritually by saying "the world needs She-ra right now, not Adora". She's telling Adora that she doesn't matter, only She-ra matters, and she needs to be willing to give it all up to be that hero. We see Adora search SW's face, she's not satisfied and then she does her best to reject her, pulling her hand away in anger while saying she will stop Prime “no matter what.” Catra is eavesdropping on this, but can't see that Adora stands up to SW so strongly... as usual. Catra knows SW is up to no good with it, though. Doubt takes root in Adora, and it aggravates her fears that she's not good enough to be She-ra.

>Arriving at the failsafe chamber, SW gives away just how much she already knows about the Heart. SW explains the failsafe, and so we know she always planned on getting Adora to accept the failsafe, risking it all. Adora approaches, trying to be brave for everyone else.

One of Catra's most important moments follows: she stops Adora from accepting the failsafe, and calls SW out for her bullshit. She's not going to let Adora walk into a trap when she knows better. Catra flips it on SW, telling her to take the failsafe, making SW tell them why it's dangerous, why SW won't do it herself. She points out how SW knows too much, yet didn't pursue the power of the failsafe. Catra is totally certain that SW wants to hurt Adora, and so she's calling her out to get SW to reveal her manipulation of Adora.

SW instead tries to guilt Adora, saying she alone understands that this is the only way to stop Prime. But Catra stands firm, she protects Adora from SW's manipulation as best she can.

Confronted and trapped by Catra's having seen through her plan, we see literally every person in the room ally themselves against SW. SW is forced to admit the truth: using the failsafe will mean death even for She-ra, if she isn't strong enough.

And so Adora realizes what's coming, that She-ra is the only one who can do it. She's terrified and sad at the thought that this could, will, be her end; that she really will have to give it all up for everyone else. She's always thought she'd have to. It's a deep held belief that she's alone in her burden as She-ra.

Adora asks the obvious question: What happens if I die? SW's next words prey upon Adora's every weakness, her lack of belief in her self worth, and innate need to protect others: "Then the magic will be restored to Etheria, through your sacrifice. You will give us the power to bring us to victory. Prime will be defeated. Your friends will be free." SW is listing out every last thing that will happen if Adora doesn't do it, and each is a part of her greatest fears. Adora is unable to resolve between her distrust of SW and need to protect and be brave for everyone else's sake. SW has her trapped by her own emotions.

Catra looks on, watching the manipulation, seeing the consequences of Adora attempting this. Everything about this moment speaks to manipulations SW has used on Adora before: she preys on emotional need and weakness, she isolates Adora in her burden, she even does the dreaded ear touch. If Adora does what SW says, Catra knows it'll be the death of her.

As SW completes her manipulation, everyone in the room cries out against the unfair decision Adora must make. And yet, Adora doesn't see a choice. Catra puts it best, saying: "you don't care about Adora, Adora can't even care about herself!"

But Bow's words also have meaning: "Theres no way we're risking Adora like that." For all that Bow and Glimmer have done for Adora, she's still supposed to be the champion that's going to save them. They need things from her, not simply Adora as herself. All in all, Bow and Glimmer did their absolute and kindest best to help Adora, often emotionally supporting her through her depressions and fears of not being a good She-ra. But in the end, they still needed her to be She-ra.

But Catra is different, all she wants is Adora, and for her to be safe and loved, and ideally, to be with her. Catra's opinion in this moment is the true one, the most honest. But Adora can't overcome the thought of failing everyone, and so she pushes forward, saying she will take the failsafe.

Adora is feeling alone, trapped by fate. Catra runs to her, literally shaking her in order to try to convey how sure she is that Adora is going to die if she does this. But Adora can't let the universe die, and she's She-ra. She (Adora) doesn't matter. It's only what she can do to try to fix things for others that matters, her hero's burden. Adora pushes Catra's hands off her, in a lifetime of pain and sorrow Catra has never looked so sad. Adora really is pushing her away, not seeing how seriously Catra feels, how badly she needs Adora to understand her in this moment. A dissociated Adora looks internally, accepting her fate, alone again, isolated.

Maybe Catra could have found a way to get through to Adora, but they run out of time. A chipped Micah shows up and begins to systematically defeat them, and Adora has no more time to choose. SW is easily taken down by Micah, it shows his anger at her. He taunts her, she's got nowhere to hide. This is interesting, but not our focus..

Adora again tries to summon She-ra and fails. She simply can't resolve between her sense of failure to Catra and her need to be brave for everyone else. She looks to Catra, decides to do the brave thing as herself, not as She-ra, even if it means she will fail, and hurt Catra. After all, since she’s She-ra, she has to try, right? This is her burden.

As SW turns to Adora and says "the failsafe... we... we can't" Adora is pressed by urgency, doing what she can. Catra tries one last desperate plea: "Please. It doesn't always have to be you!" Adora can't accept this, internally she is certain she has to save everyone. Even if this includes SW herself, and so when Catra later says Adora chose SW, not her in this moment, Catra is right, except that Adora believed she had no choice. Adora is also the only one in this moment who can reach the failsafe, and so it seems like fate is against her. Adora knows she's probably choosing to die, and if she does, she knows Catra will probably die of a broken heart as well. She really does choose SW over Catra, in a way. It's a tough moment, but taking the failsafe is the right thing to do, given the circumstances.

Receiving the failsafe is intense, and as Adora tries to withstand it, Micah binds the entire party with dark magic. Interestingly, this means SW indoctrinated Micah more than we're shown, and now that he's chipped, he is uninhibited.

Adora sees everyone is in danger, if she doesn't come through now it's all over. It gives her that singular focus she needs, summoning She-ra is easy because if she doesn't, Catra, all of them, are about to die.

Failsafe achieved, Micah vanquished, Adora offers Catra her hand, she's trying to show Catra she's there for her, they are together. But Catra rejects her, she's too sure that SW has won, that Adora will die. In this moment all the old trauma Catra carries is too strong, and SW has unnerved her too greatly. As Catra runs from her, Adora realizes that Catra was trying to tell her something deeper, but somehow she's missed it.

>Catra watches Adora sleep, she's emotionally distraught at the thought of her dying. So, she tries to sneak away. Adora finds out, and manages to confront Catra before she can leave. This is one of the most heartbreakingly beautiful scenes about love in this show, but I'll just cover how SW's manipulations come into play...

>Adora tackles Catra, and demands she explain why she’s leaving. Catra throws SW's words back at Adora, that she's a distraction, that she makes Adora too weak to be She-ra. Catra knows this was a unfair manipulation by Shadow Weaver, but she couldn't see, only hear, what happened between Shadow Weaver and Adora. She doesn't know that Adora rejected Shadow Weaver so strongly, both spiritually and by violently pulling away from her. Adora tries her best to get Catra to see that she's not doing this because of Shadow Weaver's manipulation, that she's trying to rise above SW's control of her. But Catra pushes her away, instead trying to speak to a more central truth: Adora's need to serve everyone else's needs, her inability to regulate her desire to make things better for others who are hurting or will get hurt, and balance that against her own needs and safety. She's speaking to the part of Adora which Shadow Weaver is exploiting to get what she wants from her, to control her. It doesn't really matter in this moment to Catra whether Adora is doing it for Shadow Weaver or not, because either way Adora is allowing Shadow Weaver to win. Catra wants Adora to be better than a slave to her emotional need to help others no matter the cost or danger. She's asking Adora to be strong in herself in a way Adora has never been able to be. She challenges her, asking "What do you want, Adora?" The obvious answer, Catra believes, is her. But Adora is too worried she will die and let Catra down to let her romantic feelings about Catra manifest and make it real between them, and taking the failsafe has made Adora all the more doubtful of her own survival. Adora counters "I have to do this Catra, I'm the only one who can." It's all to say that Adora is alone in her burden, and she accepts it and its consequences because she's She-ra. Adora doesn't believe she has value, or deserves happiness unless she can save everyone, including Catra.

Adora believes as She-ra, she is totally alone in her burden. This is wrong of course, Catra does see her and understands her burden, and is the one person in the world who wishes to share that load with her, unlike the other princesses who need Adora to be a hero and save them. But both girls are weak from their deep traumas which Shadow Weaver has reaggravated, and they can't overcome them. Catra resigns herself to the belief that Adora is unable to rise above her most basic emotional need to serve others, telling her "Then do it. That's what you want, that's what you'll always choose." She can't stand to watch Adora kill herself so willingly to serve everyone else, all while letting SW win. She rejects Adora, and turns to leave. Adora desperately begs Catra to stay, wanting her to uphold their promise and telling her she needs her, but is unable to vocalize her desire to be with Catra romantically. Meanwhile, in Catra's mind, Adora is just going to let herself die, and if she does, then Adora never really needed her after all... all Adora cares about is being She-ra. It's harsh, but true... even if what she's doing about it is so wrong.

It's a painful moment for both of them, and it's horrible because Catra is so clearly breaking their promise, the one that Adora restored to Catra she came to rescue her from Horde Prime. And yet, her leaving will work in the end. Catra gets Adora to see how crucial it is that she not let Shadow Weaver win, to let Shadow Weaver get whatever she wants by taking that cost from Adora's own life. And it's how Adora finally becomes too strong for Shadow Weaver to ever manipulate again.

>As Adora returns to camp, still crying from Catra's abandonment, Shadow Weaver tries to swoop in and make her manipulations of Adora take their final hold. She tells Adora she "made the right choice, don't let Catra convince you otherwise, she's never understood." Dreaded ear touch and all. By saying Catra can't understand, Shadow Weaver tries to make Adora feel alone in her burden as She-ra, seeking to weaken her spirit. But we see a total shift in Adora's attitude as she rejects SW’s cruelty and manipulations entirely. Her words carry incredible weight and speak to how she's so clearly seen through SW's malicious manipulations of the two of them. "Stop. I will never forgive you. You ruin people. You ruin any chance they could ever be happy." Adora just watched Catra reject her and abandon her because she couldn't stand to lose Adora again over SW's manipulations. It's by knowing Catra's pain that Adora is able to finally deny Shadow Weaver any sliver of control over her. As always, Adora couldn't do it for herself, she couldn't resolve between her deeper need to save everyone and SW's plans to use her for her own gain. But Adora is strong for others, and so she's strong for Catra. By leaving, Catra has given Adora the ability to rise above any manipulation Shadow Weaver can do to her.

Adora stands up to Shadow Weaver once and for all in her next words: "I'm going to take the failsafe to the heart, and I'm going to save Etheria. But I am not doing it for you. I'll do everything I can to make sure you never get your hands on the magic." (pic1, fyi) Note the exact words Adora speaks here as we will return to them later, they are important. While Adora has seen past SW’s manipulations, and seen that Shadow Weaver only ever desired power, she doesn't realize how SW's childhood abuse of her and attempts to manipulate her in the present are making her too weak to survive deploying the failsafe. To get past that, Catra must help Adora.

EPISODE 12: We watch as Adora struggles to become She-ra, but eventually manages it. She's seen through SW's plan after all, and so she does her best to believe she is strong enough to win on her own, to survive the heart. But she misses Catra desperately. She rallies her people, and ends her speech by saying resolutely that she will take the failsafe to the Heart and destroy it. It's an incredible speech, Adora has become a wonderful leader, but then she looks up and sees Shadow Weaver hiding in the back. As SW meets her gaze, She-ra's form falters and we see Adora's face for a split second. She's furious at her, that she hurt Catra so badly that she ran away.

Adora moves away from the group so they don't see her lose her She-ra form because of the turmoil she feels over Shadow Weaver and losing Catra. Bow and Glimmer check on Adora, knowing she has a tendency to try to sneak away so people won't see her risk her life. Glimmer is perceptive and asks about Catra, she knows it's Catra that Adora needs, that her being gone is tearing Adora up inside. Glimmer is a great friend to the both of them. Adora voices concern for their safety if they come with her, but Bow and Glimmer know Adora needs support. And so they will try their best, even though they know Adora is heartbroken from Catra leaving her.

>Buoyed by their support, Adora goes to the ruins to try to face her final task, to overcome it through her own strength alone. Bow and Glimmer take her hands, we see Adora does her best to set her fear aside. And yet, as they enter she wonders where Catra is, whether she will come back to honor their promise.

>Catra looks back, also experiencing pain over their separation. She has not been able to overcome her trauma, and manage her feelings. Well isn't it just nice to have a telepathic therapy pet! Melog stops, and forces her to actualize her feelings and process them. At first Catra tries to deny them, saying she won't go back, but Melog sits on her. She cries, saying out loud her deepest feelings. Let's take this one in steps. "You saw what happened, A-Adora chose Shadow Weaver, not me". In a very real sense Adora did do this, she pushed Catra away in the failsafe chamber. She ignored Catra's warnings and, in Catra's mind, committed herself to death at the hands of SW's manipulation. The next line is one of the most important in the series, but we will only cover it briefly as it's romantic implications are best discussed elsewhere: "Adora doesn't want me, not like I want her." We get to see one of the most honest truths about Catra: she is an intensely romantic person, and has always had the most incredible dreams of them being together. But a lifetime of pain has told Catra that it can't be real, or atleast, not for her. It is deep seated trauma that blocks her, trauma Shadow Weaver started and then aggravated against her, making her leave Adora just moments before. Catra is, in a word, furious that she's come this far, having dared to dream once again that the two of them could be together and in love, only to have SW come in and take that from her once again.

Let's take a moment to consider how Catra is doing as she adapts to her new emotional way of dealing with the world, as she has shifted her perspective since rejoining Adora: The old Catra might have simply struck SW down, maybe even killed her to remove the threat. But now, Catra doesn't want to do that but is expected to trust in Adora’s ability to overcome the threat through her inner strength, and the through the strength of her community. But, as far as Catra could see, Adora just accepted her death as necessary rather than fighting SW’s manipulations. And this worries her, and it's why it's so important to Catra that she not let Shadow Weaver win, so Catra leaves to make sure Adora gets the message. She's wrong to do this, and she realizes this after opening up to Melog. Adora needs Catra to have faith in her, because without her support, there's no chance Adora overcomes what Shadow Weaver is trying to do to her.

>Glimmer watches the doubt play across Adora's face. She doesn't know how to make it better, since Catra isn't with them. She asks her if she's scared, and Adora answers back as truthfully as she can: "No, I just really hope this works." She's putting on a good face while trying to believe there's a chance, but when Bow tells her it's going to be a whole new world when she's done, Adora doubts. Can she even survive? Will Catra be gone forever? The next scene is, of course, very romantic. We see that Adora has always loved Catra, just like Catra loves Adora. The magic is trying to remind Adora of her own desires, her wants. Let's not get too distracted though: as Adora moves on, vowing to not let the magic distract her, we see her She-ra form falter, she's still fighting despair and loneliness. Bow and Glimmer don't know what to do...

>Catra sees Horde Prime begin hacking the planet and knows Adora is in grave danger of not succeeding in her last, unselfish mission before Prime stops her. Catra can't let this happen, also, since Melog has helped her process her emotional pain, she's ready to support Adora in any way she can, even if it means her hopes and dreams of them being together will be unfulfilled. She tries to rush to her side.

>Adora is panicking and unable to resolve her feelings of failure to Catra, She-ra is in danger of fading again. She sees the sword as she saw it back when she first left Catra, her hand goes to the failsafe on her chest, the thing that made Catra reject her after she accepted it. She tells Bow and Glimmer she can't escape her destiny. The words "I'm losing her" speak to a deep held belief by Adora that she's not worthy of survival because she feels that she has never been able to help the one person she truly loves, making her no hero. All of the manipulations of Shadow Weaver, Horde Prime, even Light Hope are crushing down on her. She believes she has to accept her fate, to die to fulfill her duty as She-ra. It's the price she has to pay for not being good enough, for hurting Catra when she left her to become She-ra. She thanks Bow and Glimmer for their love and support. "I never could have done any of this without you." Bow and Glimmer did everything they could to prop Adora up, get her out of her depressions when she felt she wasn't good enough to be She-ra. But they still needed her to be She-ra, and therefore they can't help her get past her deepest insecurities. To do that, she needs someone who has unconditional love for her. She needs Catra. Adora leaves Bow and Glimmer behind, trying to protect them, so that only she will have to die.

>Catra finds Shadow Weaver patiently waiting to receive her power, to be able to achieve dominion over everyone else. SW tells Catra "She's gone to the heart of Etheria to free the magic and become the hero she was born to be." The dead hero, that is. As SW tries to guilt Catra, calling her selfish, she glares back. She stands up to SW, rejecting the manipulation: "Enough! This isn't about you and your messed up power trip anymore!”

In this moment, Catra shows us how clearly she understands SW's goal. She calls her out perfectly. She tells SW that Prime is infecting the planet to take the heart, which changes everything, including for SW.

>As Catra leads SW, having forced her to cooperate, they see Prime's broadcast and Catra knows they have to act. She demands SW take them to Adora, and doesn't accept her lies. She knows SW can do it with magic, and demands she comply. Her words hit home "So do something good with it for once and help me save Adora before it's too late." Notice the similarity to when Glimmer asks Catra to be better on Horde Prime’s ship. SW is trapped, she has to comply. If Adora doesn't reach the heart, no magic for SW, universe ends. Catra accepts SW's hand, though it hurts her to do so.

>Catra and SW arrive in the corridor. As Catra gets the truth from Glimmer, she's dismayed. "Of course she's gone, that's what she does, isn't it?" She knows in this moment that Adora is consumed by fear, her inadequacies. As she finishes briefing Bow and Gimmer on the situation, she tells them she will stay to help Adora, and she invokes their promises to each other. It's an important moment, as it is the two of them together, their promises to each other, that gives them the strength to surpass SW's manipulations of them. Glimmer knows Catra is in love with Adora, so she leaves Adora in Catra's care. Bow’s words are important as well, speaking to the power of the Best Friend Squad. It gives Catra a boost to her morale, a belief that maybe there's a chance she and Adora can overcome the odds they face.

>Adora looks out over Etheria, seeing its beauty. Mara joins her. Adora tries to promise Mara that she will save the world, everyone, at any cost. Mara flat out rejects this as wrong, she doesn't let Adora promise. Mara confronts Adora on her decision to die for everyone else. When Mara asks her what she wants, Adora says it doesn't matter, that she's She-ra. Again, an isolationist view, a lonely burden, just like SW wants her to believe. Mara tells Adora that she, Adora, has value as a person, not only as a hero, and that she deserves love, too. As Mara tells to not lose hope, Adora is emotionally moved but you can tell she's still struggling to accept Mara’s words because of her feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. Mara manages to pass some courage to her, but then Horde Prime cuts them short.

Prime leans into Adora’s fears, threateningly. Like SW, he knows how to exploit her. He was in Catra's head and so he knows what Catra knows. He tells her that her failure is imminent, that she is already defeated, like the other She-ra's. The guardian monster then strikes and infects Adora, and she finally loses her grip on her She-ra form. He tells her even her own people didn't want her to make it to the heart, telling her the whole world is against her, and that she's totally alone. She tries to counter this with defiance, but the virus has her. She knows she's in trouble.

----Part 3: Final Moments, and Death, of SW----

>Episode 13. Adora is in pain, trying to understand the nature of the infection. The monster towers over her, it has only to reach out to deal the killing blow, she's defenseless. Suddenly Catra shows up, engaging the monster. Adora's only concern is for Catra's safety, telling her to leave her because it's too dangerous. But Catra has decided: she will do whatever it takes to give Adora her chance to save the universe, if that's what she wants. Even if it means Adora has to die. She tells SW to get Adora to the heart, which Adora objects to. SW is looking closely at Adora and seeing her illness, evaluating. As Adora begs for Catra to not leave her, Catra tells Adora she'll catch up. After all, they are the best friend squad. Bow's words have given Catra a small amount of hope that maybe it'll be ok. Adora, now that Catra has finally shown up, is desperate to not lose her again, and knows fighting this monster is too dangerous for her alone. But she's sick, and unable to help her. SW takes Adora unwillingly towards the heart.

>Catra is doing her best, but the monster is too much, even for her. She tries to slip away, seeing the virus continuing to spread. She's trying to get to Adora, who’s alone with SW. Horde Prime stops her (no keep running!!) and she gets caught. He mocks her, telling her he expected better. But Catra has already surpassed his greatest expectations, and she'll stop him yet... as the monster catches her, she cries out in anguish. It seems the cruelty of the universe has caught up to her again, after all...

>As SW tries to bring Adora to the heart, Adora's sickness is rapidly advancing. She demands SW wait, but she's too weak to resist. The thought of losing Catra again is weakening her spirit and allowing the virus to take over. SW tells her not to lose her focus, she's still hoping Adora will deploy the failsafe before dying. But then the virus seemingly attacks Adora's heart and SW watches the failsafe nearly fade out. SW looks up, she's close enough to already siphon power from the heart. Her lust for power is apparent.

As Adora hears Catra’s scream, she forcefully pushes herself from SW, and starts to go back for Catra. SW calls for her to wait, but Adora leaves her behind.

This is it, the turning point. The great moment of truth: SW now realizes, in utter totality, that she's never going to get to have the power. It's one of the most important moments in the series, and what happens next is the culmination of all of the hard emotional growth the two girls have been doing.

>>Quick interjection: we’re about to get emotional here... (well, I do). Just a light suggestion to check your surroundings. <<

Shadow Weaver now realizes that, even if she were to drag Adora to the heart, she would be too sick and heartbroken to deploy it. It's over for SW, either she dies now, with everyone else in the end of the universe, or she dies giving everyone else, including the girls, a future.

Remember as well, Adora has told SW that she would do everything she can to make sure she never gets the power. Adora is too strong against SW's manipulations, something Adora learned from seeing the pain Shadow Weaver caused Catra through her abuse. I mentioned that the exact words Adora used when she rejected SW the night before were important, so let's return to them: Adora told SW she would deploy the failsafe, and also that she will block SW from getting the power for herself. But as she said all of this, about saving the world, the universe, she doesn't say one, very important, word.

Promise.

Adora may have dedicated herself to being She-ra, but somehow in that moment she knew not to promise to SW that she would deploy the failsafe to save the universe, instead only saying that she was going to find a way, while making sure SW doesn't get the power. We saw that Adora later tried to make this particular promise to Mara, but Mara threw that out, telling Adora to be better, to rise above her lack of self belief.

A promise was made, though. She promised Catra. Their beautiful, childhood promise, the one she so casually broke way back when, her greatest mistake. And so Adora goes back for Catra, to be there for her, to try to help. If this Catra's end, she will be there for her... even if the cost is this high. She can't just let her die alone. She is honoring their promise...

And so… Adora finally… after all this time, puts Catra above her duty as She-ra. Her love for Catra is more important than fulfilling her heroic duty, and so SW can no longer manipulate her into giving up her life so SW can get the power. The girls have, in fact, transcended her manipulations, and as Adora leaves SW standing by the heart, SW is totally alone and without anything, anyone, left. She is, in fact, defeated by the girl’s love for each other... and so as SW looks towards the heart, she finally... makes... the right... choice. She gathers enough power from the heart to fight the monster...

>Horde Prime mocks Carta as she tries in vain to resist being pulled towards her death. When he invokes Adora's name, saying she will die, Catra shows her sadness, disappointment, at having come so close to being with her. He mocks her again, asking her if it was worth it. Catra shows defiance, then sorrow. The answer is yes, of course. Catra was willing to lay it all down to give Adora her shot at saving the universe, she's honoring their promise as best she can even if this is Adora's final act before her, and their, deaths. Catra has total belief that in this moment, that she needed to sacrifice herself for Adora. It seems like the natural outcome of fate, of the cruelty that is SW's and the universe's betrayals of the two of them their entire lives...

Heroic. Fucking. Music. SW shows up, charged from the Heart to take Catra's place. She's going to do one heroic and worthy thing of remembrance before she goes, since she is defeated and knows she won't get to have the heart's power.

Carta's disbelief is total, she can't understand how SW would ever do this for her. Her manipulation of them their whole lives was so total, so unfeeling. And yet, here she is. SW tells Carta to get to Adora and run. She forces Catra back and blocks the door. Catra still can't understand... and we finally... see Shadow Weaver show some actual real remorse for how empty her life is. She begs Catra to take Adora to the heart, to set the magic free. The one thing SW is dedicated to is magic, and she knows releasing the magic will restore the planet. Catra points out the obvious, that SW will die. Part of the reason Catra is so broken up by SW doing this is because Catra had just accepted her fate of dying in order to give Adora her chance to save everyone: Catra was willing to die for Adora even if Adora never found the courage to want Catra the way Catra wants her. And now SW takes her place? It doesn't make sense to her, as SW is a greedy person.

Shadow Weaver’s next series words are some of the most important in the entire series. And this is also the one redeeming quality she has... that she is a teacher. And she’s about to tell Catra something very, very... important.

She says: "It's too late for me." All her manipulations towards getting the power at the cost of the girls lives have been torn down, they've completely moved past her, she has no place in their lives anymore. The girls have learned to love each other so loyally that SW is done, finished.

"But you... this is only the beginning for you." Catra listens to this, searching for the deeper meaning... "I'm so proud of you, Catra." I think we all agree SW being 'proud' of Catra is a devastating line, Catra doesn't need or probably even want her abusers approval. I also think it is a lie, everything about SW says she's unable to feel actual compassion. But SW is a mastermind, and I think she's telling Catra she has respect for her. Catra ended up being the greatest enemy SW ever faced, she was so smart that she saw right through every manipulation SW made, and in the end, SW couldn't touch her. But theorizing aside, we see Catra cry... somehow, someway, SW finally seems to be showing Catra some amount of good in her, and so she cries, wondering where it comes from…

As Catra brings her hand back to uselessly flail at the barrier, Adora catches it. Catra looks back at Adora, surprised at her reappearance...

… right then we see Catra suddenly look away from Adora. It's quick, but we're seeing a dissociative moment: this is Catra realizing something very deep, and very meaningful...

Catra realizes, that in this moment, SW has chosen to do something that is much more than just dying in Catra's place.

She has given Adora to her.

All of Catra's life, Shadow Weaver has stood between her and Adora, love was a thing Catra was not allowed to have. But the girls, together, have transcended all of her abuse and manipulation. They have seen through her plan and risen above every cruelty, and have blocked SW's manipulations to use them for her own gain. And so, a defeated SW chooses now, to give Catra the most beautiful of gifts...

Catra puts it all together, filled with clarity: SW is telling her that Adora doesn't have to die, she can survive this. That they can survive the Heart!!! And Catra is the key, as SW has told her: "This is only the beginning, for you."

Catra is now given this knowledge freely by SW, and thus given hope. SW stands before them, totally defeated, in awe of Catra's incredible growth and cunning and that she was able to see through her plan, and how strongly the two girls have come to love each other. So, SW is giving Catra her fullest respect, and as a last act before her death she is passing Catra newfound hope that the two of them can overcome this, that they can survive...

Shadow Weaver removes her mask, showing Catra her face. It's not a face of manipulation, as we expect, no, there's respect, even, dare I say, gratitude. SW didn't have to do this, Catra knows that. And yet, Catra managed to show SW something she never expected to see. And so, by outthinking and so totally defeating her, by making SW see that all her manipulations were discovered and therefore wouldn't work no matter which way she turned, and by getting Adora understand the urgency of not letting SW win, Catra has won this final, beautiful gift…

“You're welcome…”

As Catra watches SW make her final sacrifice... her one good deed... she looks on, stunned. Life is never quite so simple as you think it is, and since returning to Adora, Catra has seen so many acts of generosity she didn't really believe were possible... and now... this...

Catra lets Adora cry for a moment, then tells her they have to go. Catra is filled with new urgency... they will face this final challenge together. As she resolutely carries Adora towards the heart, she knows she's now in charge of their fate... and as they face this final task, Catra is searching for a way to save Adora, and to save their love once and for all...

All of this has huge implications for what then happens with the girls when they reach the heart chamber, but that's a topic better discussed another time…

Some final notes here. It's my belief that Shadow Weaver is the overarching villain of the story, who spans all seasons of She-ra, and is far more important to the plot than Horde Prime is. Furthermore, understanding Shadow Weaver as this kind of villain is a stepping stone to explaining many other important plot points in the series, and we can build on it to understand a lot of the most important moments in the show.

My personal belief about this story is that the writers had such a diverse room of people of LGBTQIA+ and other backgrounds, each with their own trials and pains they had to overcome, that as a team, their goal was to bring to light as many of these struggles that they could. But as for this most central story, my guess is they wanted to tell us a story about overcoming real darkness that exists in our world, as well as Etheria, because sometimes that's how it is. And so the right thing, the only thing to do is to overcome and move past such people, to not let them control your life.

All this is to say that I think the moral of Shadow Weaver in the story isn't about finding the good in her, but about rising above her and the fundamental darknesses that we all sometimes face. And our girls do this through love, at no point do they use violence. And that makes this story very, very... special.

Thanks for reading. Until next time…

~EtheriaDearie

P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛

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ayatosmlktea · 4 years ago

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best boyfriend series | kirishima

A/N: So there is a list me and the gal pals have compiled of who we think are the best boyfriends in the entire world. I haven’t been in a thirsting mood for so long probably bc im mad ✨depressed✨ so the only thing on my mind is soft boys and how amazing they are. This is the most writing I've done in months but I wrote this for Bri’s birthday a while back and am now sharing them with you bc we could all use some wholesome kiripima

I wrote these as the thoughts came to my mind so...its not really organized ANYWAY enjoy!

- Your sense of humour and easy going personality is what draws him in even if he doesn’t realize it to be love in the beginning

- Even when he’s training with bakugou his eyes are always searching you out, the way you handle your quirk takes his breath away he just thinks you look so badass in combat

- Every time you ask if he wants to study together his heart starts racing so fast it feels like it’s going to burst out of his chest and he has to fight back the blush that burns the back of his neck and ears whenever you giggle

- As you and Mina become closer, you start hanging out more with the bakusquad.

- Kiri finds himself getting increasingly distracted by you, he notices every little thing like the way your eyes shine whenever you smile, the way cover your mouth when you laugh which bothers him because the entire world deserves to see how beautifully radiant you look when you’re happy

- He notices the way your body language changes when you’re tired, how your attitude gets a little grumpier when you’re hungry and through learning all of that Kiri steps in to make you whole

- When you’re tired he passes you his notes to copy after class just giving you a knowing smile and ignoring the way his heart flutters when you stare at him like he’s your knight in shining armour

- He doesn’t like the way that Denki and sero playfully flirt with you, it makes him feel weird although he knows he has no right to be jealous so he ignores it

- During your second year you start dating Shinsou and Kiri can feel his world come to a halt, his heart plummets into this stomach but he puts on a fake smile and tells you that he’s happy for you and he hopes Shinsou treats you right

- You don’t seem to notice the way the light in his eyes is gone, how much more time he puts into training now that you’re busy with your new relationship and as bitter and mad as he wants to be he knows you deserve to be happy, even if it isn’t with him so he pushes his feelings down and acts like he isn’t being punched in the gut every time you kiss shinsou and not him

- Your last night in the dorms before summer vacation Kirishima finds himself being woken up by a quick series of knocks on his door

“Denki I told you already pennywise is not under your be-” he stops mid sentence when he finds you outside of his door, sniffling with red rimmed eyes

- He’s barely awake and processing what’s happening as he opens his door wider so you can come inside before one of the teachers catches you out of bed and on the boys side of the dorms

- He can hear that you’ve been crying and are still trying not to when you apologize for waking him up so late but you didn’t know who else to go to and suddenly his entire body is burning with anger when you tell him that Shinsou broke up with you

- He can’t help but let out a broken laugh, Shinsou never deserved your heart in the first place. If he couldn’t see how dedicated you were to the people you loved, how you cared for your friends and put their needs above yours, how incredibly talented and hardworking and beautiful you were then he was the dumbest man alive

- You’re suddenly quiet and Kiri realizes that he’s said all of that outloud and the overwhelming urge to disappear consumes him. He was sure that you were going to get up and walk out and never speak to him again but you don’t

- Instead you ask if he means what he said so quietly he can barely hear it and despite how hot his cheeks are burning with embarrassment he tells you he does

- He stops you when you lean in to kiss him and his heart hurts when he can see the rejection and embarrassment paint your features but he tells you that it’s not because he doesn’t want to kiss you, because of course he wants to, but he doesn’t want to take advantage of your feelings when you’re going through an emotional time

- You two spend the summer hanging out- just as friends, he wants to give you time to get over Shinsou because the last thing he wants is to be your rebound

- But with every day that goes by he finds it harder not to kiss you, not to hold your hand, not to text you every second of the day, not to tell you that he loves you

- The realization that he loves you doesn’t scare him, but it is the first time he admits to himself and accepts it rather than trying to bury it and so after he walks you home and you turn to go into inside he grabs your wrist and pulls you in for a kiss

- It’s not the most coordinated kiss but it sets every nerve in his body on fire and you’re both clinging onto each other like it’s your only lifeline. You break apart with the biggest smiles on your face and in that moment Kiri knows he’s going to spend the rest of his life with you

‧͙⁺˚*·༓☾　　☽༓·*˚⁺‧͙

- Well i wasn’t planning to write all that so now let’s get into WHY he’s the best bf

He’s 100% devoted to you, literally you could be in a room full of fkn models and his eyes would be focused on you because he thinks you’re the most beautiful woman to walk the earth

Any other relationship you’ve had in the past does not even come close in comparison to how Kiri treats you

- He would give up his life to make sure you’re happy, seeing you upset breaks his heart because he cannot stand the sight of you crying. It literally tears a whole in his chest

- If it’s within his power to deal with, he will make sure that whoever hurts you does not make the same mistake again. Maybe its a little unethical to use his pro-hero status to strike fear into the heart of creeps who won’t leave you alone at work, or the girls who enjoy gossiping about your relationship behind your back but he does not give a single fuck

- Your happiness comes before his and if you aren’t happy, he’s not happy.

- If he hears people talking about your relationship and making it seem as though you’re only with him for the fame or money he’ll tear them down with the brightest smile on his face not missing a beat

- While he acts all big and scary fighting villains, when he comes home to you at the end of the day he is the most cuddly person you’ve ever known. It doesn’t matter how exhausted he is, he always grabs you in for a hug and doesn’t let you down until he’s satisfied.

- Kiri is really big on skin to skin contact, expect him to constantly be slipping his hands under your shirt and wrapping his arms around you at the most random times

- When you guys are getting ready to sleep he’ll pull you snug against his chest and bury his face in the nape of your neck,

Your scent helps him fall asleep, not in a creepy way but in a ‘you’re safe and here with me so i can close my eyes knowing that everything is okay’ kind of way.

‧͙⁺˚*·༓☾　　☽༓·*˚⁺‧͙

- In my humble opinion, once kiri catches feelings for you they’ll never fade

- Even if you fight, it only reminds him of everything you two have built together and that you’re worth fighting for

- You hear a lot of your friends complain about how their boyfriends never listen to them, or how they don’t know what they like, you watch them shamelessly flirt with other guys and wonder what it must be like to be in such an unsatisfying relationship

- Kiri knows you better than you know yourself, he’s so in tune with you and your body that you don’t even need to ask him to do anything, he just knows

- He remembers little dates that most boyfriends dont, your first kiss, your first date, the first time he said “i love you” outloud

- He also is the first one to say it and it happens when you’re just hanging out in his room

- He’s known that he’s been in love with you for months but didnt want to say it too soon and have you freak out but after nearly six months in it’s driving him crazy not being able to tell you he loves you

- When he does your eyes glisten with tears and he freaks out thinking that he’s said too soon until you’re crushing him in a hug and tell him that you love him too

- When you’ve had a bad day at work or life is just becoming too stressful for you to deal with he puts everything else on hold to comfort you

- Makes you your favourite meal for dinner, gets your favourite show ready to watch after your shower and massages your feet while you snack on some ice cream for dessert

- Ever since you’d started dating Kiri had a habit of “accidentally” forgetting his hoodies at your place, spraying them with a bit of extra cologne while you were in another room

- He loved it when you wore his clothes, it filled him with a feeling he couldn’t quite describe but it solidified in his mind that you were his

- After almost four years of dating he knows that he can’t spend another second without you being his, forever

- He stays up all night looking at engagement rings but none of them are good enough for you so he does a little more research and finds a place that makes custom rings and has the date the first time he kissed you engraved on the inside of the ring

- He 100% cries the second he sees you walk down the aisle, if he thought you were beautiful before, there’s nothing else that compares to you on your wedding day

- Everything else drowns out around him and the other thing that matters is you, sliding your rings onto each other fingers and sharing your tearful vows and then you’re pronounced husband and wife and his entire being is elated

- He kisses you with a passion and fervour you’ve never felt before, like he’s pouring his soul into the kiss , every promise he’s ever made and will make and all the things he can’t find the right words to say are transmitted

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btsmakesmehappy · 4 years ago

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Palate Cleanser | 5

Genre: Agent au, friends with benefit (sort of), Stranger to lover, Angst, Fluff

Pairing: Agent!Taehyung x Baker!reader

Word Count: 6,7k

Rating: 18+ (M)

Warning: Guns. Violence. Minor characters died. Possessive Tae. Cursing.

Chapter: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 completed

Series Masterlist: The Company

Summary: Taehyung needs something to take his mind off his broken heart. His best friend, Jimin, suggests that he should meet another woman and the first woman he met was you. Would you help him even though you have your own problem, that you hate men?

A/N: To my beloved beta readers: @arizonapoppy who gave me the most encouragement and to @hesperantha who literally made me want to join your screaming reading lmao. thankyou so much!!

“Why are you here again?” you asked, trying to sound mad. You put your hands on your hips as Taehyung walked through your door to the couch, throwing down his jacket and other belongings on his way.

Taehyung chuckled as he plopped himself on the couch. “You know, muffin, you’re thinking way too much. I know that deep down you are happy that I am here.”

You scoffed, walking to the couch and sitting beside him. “I’m not!”

He then took the remote from the table and turned on the TV, scrolling casually through Netflix. “Sure.”

You pouted and grabbed his arm to attract his attention. “I’m not!”

Taehyung just smiled. He leaned in and kissed the tip of your nose softly, catching you off guard. “You can say whatever you want, muffin. But you can’t lie to your heart. ”

You have been crying since Wendy dragged you to the Hall’s storage room. The room is in the back of the hall, almost outside. It’s weird for you that such an expensive hall has a room like this. The place is deserted and you feel that no one will ever hear your voice. You even take a peek at the broken window beside you, there’s no one out there to save you.

Taehyung was right after all.

That damn Park Chanyeol is fucking dangerous.

At the thought of Taehyung, you cry even harder. You are too young to die. You have just met a man who might be the love of your life and you have never told him that you love him. You miss Taehyung. You want to tell him that you love him. No, love may be too much. You want to be with Taehyung at any rate.

“For the love of God, stop crying already!” Wendy yells at you, yanking your hair.

How can you stop crying? You’re tied in a chair with a gun pointed to your head. If this isn’t the worst nightmare you’ve ever had, it is getting worse. Your stomach hurts. You try to control yourself, to stop the tears falling from your eyes. But they are just pouring like a waterfall.

“Wha-What will you do to me?” you ask cautiously.

“Oh, honey. Don’t ask something you don’t want to know,” she chuckles.

Suddenly, the door opens and a man barges in. He is in a suit too, and looks like another guest at this party. He holds a paper in his hand tightly. His face looks mad for some reason and he stops when he sees you. “Y/N?”

You look at him carefully. “Baekho?” You know this man. You went to college with him. Or close to it -- your college building is kind of merged with your culinary school so you saw him often. Hell, he even asked you out back then. Truth be told, you didn’t like him. He was snobby and when you rejected him, he hated it. He spread rumors about you in the building, which you didn’t care for. To you, he was just a rich annoying guy who had a bunch of men lurking behind him. And you remember one of the men -- it was Chanyeol.

His eyes widen when he looks at your state. “What? What is this?”

The door closes abruptly, making you jolt in surprise. “Nice reunion, right guys?” Chanyeol says happily. He walks closer to you. Your body is shaking. He touches your cheeks softly, which makes you wince in disgust. “I think it is more perfect than what I was planning before, with Y/N watching.”

Baekho glares at him. “What the fuck? Did you send this?” He asks as he holds the paper in the air. You can’t see what’s on the paper, but it looks like it might be a photo.

Chanyeol chuckles. “Of course I did! Who else knows about your bad past except me?”

Baekho grits his teeth. “What do you want? Do you want to share that photo with the public? Is that what you want?” He scoffs. “You really think that you can stop me from joining politics?”

Chanyeol laughs maniacally and walks to him. “I don’t fucking care about your career.” He pulls his gun and aims it at Baekho. “I just want you to die.”

Your eyes widen in shock. “What the hell, Chanyeol? Are you crazy? Why do you want to kill your friend?”

Wendy slaps you across the face with her gun. “Shut the fuck up.” You can feel the tingling pain on your cheek and the bitterness of blood on the corner of your lips.

Chanyeol scoffs. “Friends? I have never thought of him as a friend.” His gun is still pointing to Baekho, who has already fallen on his knees. He’s hyperventilating and clutching his chest. “He just used me as a slave, back then.”

“What?” Your voice is weak. It doesn’t make any sense. Did he plan all of this just to take revenge on Baekho?

“You should be happy too, Y/N! He was the one who spread that groundless rumor about you! He even made your photoshopped naked photo.” He glares back to Baekho. “He is trash.”

This sudden fact makes you squint your eyes in confusion. “That doesn’t mean you can kill him!”

“It is too late.” Chanyeol smiles weakly. You hear a click from his gun.

You squeeze your eyes shut when you hear a shot, followed by the other shots. The smell of gunpowder fills the room, mixed with the smell of dust. It is nauseating. The pain in your stomach worsens, twisting it, nearly forcing you to throw the contents on the floor. You want to vomit everything; wipe away what you just saw.

With the sound of the door opened abruptly, the sound of firing guns doesn’t stop, it is even getting worse. You hear the cries of the people around you. You clutch your bound hands into fists; your nails digging into your palms in what you are sure will be permanent half moons, if you survive this.

You cast your head down. At this point, you can’t cry anymore. You want to run away, but you’re tied. You literally can’t do anything. You pray that it will end soon.

You are almost sure you are going to die tonight.

Maybe it is the fear, maybe it is nausea, or maybe it is the fact that you are losing your mind, your mind turns blank and subconsciously mutters incoherent words, or worse, sings nursery rhymes, trying to calm your nerves.

Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man

Bake me a cake as fast as you can

Pat it, and roll it, and mark it with a "B"

And put it in the oven for baby and me

Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man

Bake me a cake as fast as you can

Mix it, and stir it, and bake it just right

Good from the first 'til the very last bite

Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake baker's man

Bake me a cake as fast as you can

Make it with chocolate, and make it with cream

Make it the prettiest you've ever seen

Somehow the voices around you are quiet. But still, you are afraid to open your eyes, until you feel a soft pat on your shoulder. “Y/N? Are you okay?”

You slowly open your eyes, to find a familiar man in front of you. You furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “Hoseok?”

Hoseok sighs in relief. “Thank God, I thought you’d gone crazy.” He laughs. “Wait, let me untie you.”

He does, and you rise from your chair, legs wobbly, and look around the room. Wendy, who was beside you, is held down to the ground by some man, there’s blood seeping from her back. Another agent forces Chanyeol to walk outside. His hands are tied behind him; Chanyeol doesn’t even glance at you. And Baekho...

You can’t see him clearly, as he is covered with a white cloth. The way his blood drips from his unconscious body, you know that he’s dead. A man died. A man killed another man in the same room as you are. You put your hand on your mouth, willing yourself not to vomit in this place.

Hoseok runs to your side and holds your arms gently. “Are you okay? Can you walk?” You nod weakly. Your mind is still processing all of these things.

Why is Hoseok here? Who is he? What the fuck is going on?

Another man walks over to you. His dark eyes show concern. “Y/N, right? Let me walk you outside. There's an ambulance waiting outside to check on you.” You nod again, having no will to argue or refuse. The man puts his hand on your back while the other hand holds your arm, guiding you outside. It’s already dark outside, crowded with police and also the other people who are just curious about what happened.

He then walks you to the ambulance and the paramedics quickly examine you. Luckily, there are no major injuries. You only have a little wound in the corner of your mouth and a graze on your shoulder from the firing incident. After the paramedic treats you, the man covers your shoulder with a blanket and hands you a cup of water. “Thank you,” you whisper.

The man smiles, his eyes turning into thin lines. “You’re welcome. Taehyung will be here soon.” He pats your shoulder.

At the sound of his name, your head perks up. “Taehyung?” You look at him in confusion. What is Taehyung doing here?

Just when you want to ask him about Taehyung, you see his familiar form run towards him. “Jimin! Where is Y/N?” he asks hurriedly.

Your eyes widen with the sudden arrival of Taehyung. His hair is messy, his forehead is wet with sweat, his breaths are uneven. He carries a rifle slung over his shoulder by a strap. His eyes fall on you and he sighs in relief. He drops his rifle to the ground and runs to you.

Without even thinking, you run to him too, dropping the glass and letting the blanket fall to the ground. The two of you meet in the middle. Taehyung pulls you into his embrace, kissing your face over and over. “Oh my God, muffin. Are you okay?” he asks with worry.

Hearing his voice and feeling the way he hugs you, you feel more alive than ever. You are relieved, you feel safe. And with that realization, your eyes flood with tears. “Tae... I’m sorry.” Your body shakes uncontrollably.

Taehyung feels his heart sinking to his feet. He hates it the most when you cry. “No, muffin. I’m the one who should be sorry. I should be the one to protect you. I am sorry.” He hugs you tighter, running his hand on your head, stroking lovingly to calm you down. “I am glad that you are okay.”

“There’s a dead man,” you sob, burying your face in his chest.

“Shh... I know, muffin.” He pulls away from you, taking your face in his hand. His heart drops when he sees the wound on your face. He grits his teeth; he is so going to kill Chanyeol. How dare he hurt you?

You search his face. “Tae?”

Taehyung realizes your confusion and shakes his head profusely to clear his mind. Right now, the most important thing is you, you are alive in front of him. He leans in and gives a chaste kiss on your lips, not wanting to hurt you more. He wipes the tears on your face and pulls you into his hug again. Chanyeol can wait.

What matters most now is you.

An awkward cough erupts behind you, making you and Taehyung pull away from each other. “Sorry to disturb you guys. Jin wants to talk to you,” the man named Jimin says as he hands the phone to Taehyung.

Taehyung walks you to the back of the ambulance to let you sit there. Jimin wraps you again with a blanket. Taehyung’s hand still holds your hand tightly, not wanting to let you go, even for just a bit. He puts the phone up to his ear with his free hand. “Yes, Jin-hyung?”

You look at Taehyung warily and divert your attention to the other man beside you, who is looking at you with twinkling eyes. He looks curious and happy at the same time. “Oh, right. I’m Jimin. Tae’s friend.”

“I’m Y/N. I am...” Your voice quietens. “I-I am also Tae’s friend.” You have never talked about your relationship with him. You know that maybe boyfriend is too much, but a friend?

Jimin smiles knowingly. Anyone who saw you and Taehyung would think the same as him. How you and Taehyung hugged each other for dear life, how you look at each other, how you hold each other’s hands tightly, it’s not just any friendship. Jimin is happy for his friend. Even before Hawaii, Taehyung has never been like this. You must be someone special for him to make him fall so deep like this.

“I don’t want to!” Taehyung snaps, making you and Jimin look at him curiously. “Y/N is not going to the HQ.”

You are perplexed at the sound of your name. After the fog of the shootout, your mind starts functioning again. You collect the puzzle pieces. Taehyung told you that he is an agent, and he used that big gun. He is an agent, and you just now realize it, that Taehyung has never lied to you even once.

You squeeze his hand to make him look at you. “Tae, I’m fine,” you say softly. “If that’s something I must do, I can do it.”

Taehyung grits his teeth in displeasure and sighs. “Fine. 30 minutes.”

Taehyung opened the trunk of Jungkook’s car, grabbing a rifle from the case. He touched the rifle softly, unsure of what to do. His fingers trembled. A memory from the war 5 years ago filled his head. He heard the sudden cry from a child in the flashback. He balled his hands into fists and closed his eyes.

Jimin walked silently behind him and patted his shoulder. “Are you okay? Can you do this?”

His war flashback turned into a dying girl covered in blood on the beach in Hawaii. His love, who almost died 2 years ago. Who he loved so dearly and yet never loved him back. A woman who will never be his.

And then he saw you, slowly walking into his life.

You with a pout on your face and a blush that formed on your cheeks when he flirted with you. You, with a smile plastered on your face when he came to your apartment and hid that smile quickly when he looked at you. You, with tears flowing like a waterfall every time you watched Disney movies.

You, who always accepted him with open arms.

He opened his eyes and turned to Jimin. “Chim, please keep her safe…” he begged as his hands gripped Jimin’s shoulder tightly.

Jimin smiled at him knowingly. “Of course I will, Tae.” He pulled Taehyung into a hug and stroked his back to reassure him. “I am so happy that you found someone.”

Taehyung gulped, trying to hold his tears. “I don’t want to lose her. She is everything to me now.”

“I know.” Jimin then pulled away from his best friend and gave him a smack on his back. “Now go save your woman!”

The ride to the Company’s HQ is quiet. Hoseok drives with his eyes on the road, sometimes peeking in the rearview mirror. Jimin sits beside him; he looks like he’s holding himself from talking to you and Taehyung.

And Taehyung?

He has been holding your hand since you first saw him a while ago. He soothes your hand softly to calm you down, and sometimes bring your hand to his lips. You can’t guess what’s inside his head, his dark eyes are unreadable.

You step out of the car when Hoseok stops in the driveway. Your feet stumble; Taehyung drags you through the security, silently showing his badge to the guards. You’ve never thought you would set foot in this building. The last time you went here, you only stayed in front of the building.

The people inside the building walk quickly, looking busy. You thought that you would see people in suits walking around with guns in their hands, but instead it looks like a usual office. They even have a private Starbucks in the lobby, next to a stall that you assume as a burger joint. You frown your eyebrows. Duh, Y/N! Do you think you’d find a donut shop there?

You walk to the elevator after a woman in the receptionist area gives you access with a card. Still, the elevator ride is quiet, only filled with the sound of Jimin tapping his feet impatiently beside you.

“Alright! I give up!” Jimin says to Hoseok. Jimin then hands a 10000 won bill to Hoseok. “I just can’t keep quiet like this. This is killing me!”

Hoseok slips the bill into his chest pocket. “Aha! I knew you would lose, Park Jimin!” His smile spreads to his face.

Jimin snorts. “Fine! I lost! I don’t care anymore!” He then shifts his gaze to you. “So how did you meet Tae?”

You blink your eyes several times, confused with the sudden question. Jimin’s face looks so happy, it almost intimidates you. “Wh-What?”

“You know what I meant!” Jimin says. “I knew a little already from Hoseok, but I still want to hear from your side of the story! Did Taehyung force you to meet him? Or you were the one who chased him?”

“Alright, Chim. Not a good time.” Taehyung interrupts as you arrive on the 7th floor. “And what do you think you are doing?” You step out of the elevator, following Taehyung.

Jimin whines as he follows both of you. “I’m just curious! I’ve never seen you like this before.”

“PARK JIMIN!” Taehyung yells, you can see his cheeks turn bright red. The tightness in your chest loosens; you were nervous before, but this unfamiliar banter somehow eases your nerves. Jimin and Hoseok genuinely care for Taehyung; they’re not just being complete dickheads. You giggle softly at Taehyung’s sudden shyness, which he realizes. “Please don’t join him to tease me.” He tugs your hand softly.

He tries to sound mad, but in fact, he is a little grateful to Jimin and Hoseok. They are trying to help you feel comfortable, and he is happy about that. But still, it is embarrassing for him.

Taehyung stops in front of a big grey door; he raises a hand to open the door, but stops midair. He then turns his face to you. “Are you sure about this?”

You gently squeeze his hand. “I’m okay, Tae. And besides, I am not doing anything wrong. I shouldn’t be afraid, right?” you ask, waiting for reassurance.

Taehyung bites his lips. “Well, it can be a little scary sometimes.”

You gulp. Maybe this is a bad idea? Taehyung didn’t want you to do it in the first place, shouldn’t you just follow him? But, you thought he would get into trouble if he keeps doing this. And you don’t want him to be.

Hoseok pats your shoulder. “Don’t worry, Y/N. I’m going inside too. It’s only an interview, don’t be intimidated by Jin-hyung.” He smiles and opens the door, letting you enter the room first.

You take a quick glance at Taehyung’s face when Hoseok closes the door. “Taehyung is not coming?”

Hoseok smiles comfortingly. “He is too emotional at this point, so, No.” He points you to a seat in front of him. “You want a drink? Coffee or tea?”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

Suddenly the door opens and a man with broad shoulders enters. “Hi! You must be Y/N. I’m Jin.” He takes a seat beside Hoseok, opening his laptop. “Let’s just do this as fast as possible, okay?”

The questioning starts. They ask you simple questions at first, like your name, age, occupation, and anything that identifies you. After that Hoseok starts asking about Chanyeol and your kidnapping.

“How would you describe your relationship with Park Chanyeol? How often did you meet each other?”

“I think we were friends? We went to the same school before, I helped him one time. We then met again after many years when he handed his magazine to me at my bakery. Then we went to dinner that night, had some conversations. A few days later, he came rushing to my shop handing me a proposal for this event. And before the event, he came to the store once. That’s it,” you explain.

“So, you had no other relationship with him?” Jin asks.

You shake your head. You then suddenly think about Baekho. “Although, I also know Baekho.”

Jin and Hoseok turn stiff. “You know Lee Baekho?”

You look at their reaction, silently regretting telling them. Did I say something wrong? “Yes. He went to the same school too. Not in culinary, but I saw him once or twice maybe?”

Jin moves his laptop aside, directly looking at you. “How do you describe your relationship with Lee Baekho then, Miss Y/N?”

You gulp, absolutely getting intimidated by him. “I just know him. He also asked me out in the past. But I rejected him.”

“And?” Jin pushes.

You fiddle with your shirt unconsciously. “He didn’t take it well. He kinda harassed me about it, and spread a rumor about me.”

“What kind of rumor?”

“I don’t know the specific reason because we were in different social circles. But someone said he edited my face onto nudes?”

“And you were mad about it?”

“But it’s not like I could do anything. He had too much power in the school, like that guy Chanyeol? He was one of his friends -- well, he said that he was a slave though.”

Jin nods. “Okay, let me rephrase this.” He then stands up and walks to you. “So, you were mad when he did that to you in the past, and you couldn't do anything to defend yourself.”

“Yeah?” You answer timidly, not sure what he is trying to say.

Jin looks down at you with suspicion. “Were you or were you not planning this with Chanyeol?” he snaps.

Your eyes widen. “What?” You almost yell. “No! Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know. Revenge maybe?” He shrugs his hands.

“What?” Does this guy think you are complicit? “Look, I studied hard in my 2 years in school, I couldn’t bother to date any guy. I don’t fucking care what he did to me because it was just a rumor, it would die eventually. I don’t really care about what people said behind my back.”

“But still, you have a motive.”

“That’s just baseless!” you snap back. “I never met him even once after I graduated. And I’m doing great right now. Why would I throw away my life to just kill him?” Your eyes divert to Hoseok in front of you, who is also speechless.

Jin slaps the table hard, making you wince. “Then why are you suddenly approaching Taehyung? Or maybe you know that Taehyung is an agent and used him for your own gain? Making an alibi?”

You are perplexed and mad, and almost crying in frustration. It is just too much for you to comprehend. You can’t understand why this man suddenly put you in the corner. Whatever you said, he turned it back to you. You’re supposed to be a victim, but why did he treat you as a criminal?

Just before you answer anything, Taehyung barges into the room, looking mad. “That’s enough, Hyung.” He grabs your hand tightly, pulling you to the door.

“Kim Taehyung! You can’t just do this as you like. This is still an interrogation, and it’s far from over. She’s under suspicion!” Jin yells, grabbing Taehyung’s arm.

He jerks his hand away. “She’s a victim! Why are you being so hard on her?”

Jin snorts. “It’s just a common procedure. She might be lying.”

Taehyung looks at him with a stare that could freeze the Han River solid. “Not every woman is going to lie to you, Hyung” he whispers, making Jin wince. “I trust Y/N. And besides, I was the one who chased after her.”

“Maybe she made you think like that,” Jin says, folding his arms across his chest.

Hoseok, sensing the sour situation, stood up. “Alright-alright. Enough with this. Tae, we have finished the interrogation for now, so you can take Y/N home.” Without waiting a second, Taehyung grabs your hand, leading you quickly outside.

Back in the room, Hoseok turns to face Jin. “And you. That’s too far, Hyung. You barely had evidence, and yet you pushed her. It’s just not right.”

Jin clenches his fists and sighs. He then takes his laptop and stomps away, not wanting to say anything.

Hoseok is left alone in the interrogation room, looking around the bare walls of the empty room. He sighs. What the fuck just happened? He walks out of the room. Maybe Jin was right, you were suspicious, you even have a motive. But that doesn’t mean that you want to kill Baekho.

Hoseok doesn’t need any more quarrels in his team. The only thing they should think about is whether Baekhyun is involved in this and why Jiseok suddenly tipped them that someone targeted Baekho.

Jin is losing his mind, he needs to move on too. He chuckles. Why do people around him always have a problem?

You walk in the middle of the night back to your apartment, draped in Taehyung’s jacket. You are not feeling the cold as the warmth and the scent from his jacket envelop you, calming you down. But even in the chilly wind, his hands are still the warmest things. He holds your hand in his, a steady reassurance of his presence.

As Taehyung opens your apartment door with his key, you suddenly remember that you have no stuff with you. You dropped your phone in the hall and your purse was still in the rental car. You turn to him. “Ehm. I think I need to go back to the hall. My purse is in the car,” you say cautiously.

He throws the key to the kitchen table and walks to the couch. “We will get your purse tomorrow. Just rest for tonight.”

“But, I also need to return the car before midnight. They’ll charge me more if I don’t,” you say as you follow close behind him. Your face bumps his back when he suddenly stops.

He turns to face you, you can see his eyes burn with fury, making you step backward. “Are you seriously thinking about that stupid rental car right now? You almost fucking died!”

“I know, but I am really fine! See?” You show him your hands and feet, waving them vigorously between you.

“That’s because I shot a fucking woman beside you,” he hisses. “Why are you so stubborn?”

You wince, completely aghast by his sudden rampage. “I am not. You see...”

“Listen to me!” he yells and runs his fingers through his hair in exasperation.

There is an awkward silence in your apartment. All you hear is the hum as the refrigerator switches on. You don’t understand what he is thinking, why he is behaving like this. You do know that he is worried about you, but still, you can’t comprehend why he does this to this extent. Even before, he was being overprotective of you, and now after this incident, it’s tripled.

He sighs and says again in a much softer tone. “Please listen to me, muffin.”

“Why?”

He furrows his eyebrows. “What?”

Your tears form on the edges of your eyes, threatening to fall. “Why are you like this?” you ask in a whisper.

Taehyung's heart sinks at seeing your tears. “Muffin...” He reaches out his hand to wipe your tears, but you brush his hand away.

“Just answer me...” You know he’s holding something back. There’s a piece of him that he isn’t sharing with you, and you just wish he would be honest.

“I just don’t want to lose you...”

You sigh, so frustrated with him. “I can take care of myself.”

“I’ve heard that from someone before and it didn’t go well.” Taehyung twists his lips, already regretting having said it. “And what happened tonight showed you couldn’t take care of yourself.”

“Is this because of that girl? That one in the diner? What happened between you two anyway? You clearly are still thinking about her!”

His body turns stiff. “What are you talking about?”

You tighten your hands into fists and cast your head down. “I am not that girl, Taehyung. I can’t be her. You should know that.”

You are saying nonsense things right now; the words pour out of your mouth without thinking. Maybe it is because of so many things happening tonight, or maybe because there are so many things in your heart and your mind. Or maybe it has been in your head several times, but never left your mouth.

Maybe Taehyung just sees you as a replacement for his past love. Maybe he really thinks of you as a palate cleanser. Maybe he just does those sweet things to other women. Maybe you are the only one who wants more. Why are you thinking so highly of yourself?

His eyes widened in bewilderment. “Of course I know that!” He grabs your hand softly. “I never thought of you as her, Y/N. Never once. Well, maybe at first I just used you to help me forget her, but what we had is beyond that.”

You jerk your head up to meet his eyes. “Then why are you doing this?”

Taehyung’s hand lingers on your cheek. Instead of answering you, he leans in and pecks your lips softly. He pulls you into his chest, hugging you tightly. It is so unfair. Not only does he read you like an open book, he even has a cheat code. He knows how to comfort you. So unfair.

“The one we met in the diner, I almost lost her, and I meant it literally. She was hurt in the mission. She was bleeding so much, she even went into cardiac arrest. She was on the verge of death.” He sinks his head to your shoulder. “It was traumatizing to have my close friend in that state. I just... I don’t want to lose anyone ever again. Furthermore, I don’t want to lose you.”

He takes a deep breath, taking in your scents. “I am sorry that I made you think like that, Y/N. But I really never think of you that way.” He looks into your eyes. “Please believe me.”

If you were your past-self, you would be pushing him away now. You would call him a liar. You would never give him a chance. But since you’ve met him, you decided to start trusting him, trusting people more. He opens your heart and your mind. You hug him back. “I’m sorry.”

Taehyung kisses your head softly. “I am sorry I yelled at you.” You melt into his touch, sinking your face deeper. “Let’s just rest for tonight, okay?”

You nod weakly. “Okay.”

“Good girl.” He pulls away and pats your head lovingly. He takes your hand, guiding you to your bed.

Maybe you’re naive to trust him this much, after getting taken in by a classmate of all people. You still don’t know much about Taehyung’s line of work, his dangerous, well-dressed friends, and his apparently deadly skill with a gun. Maybe it is wrong, a bad decision, or maybe it is even the right decision. You don’t know. But you have to do what your heart tells you to do. You decide to trust him.

The following morning you wake up early and have time to think. If your old self from 5 years ago could see you right now, she would slap you in the face so hard you’d see stars. Maybe she would drag you to a convent, so you wouldn’t meet any men. But before she drags you, you would actually hug her. You would tell her that hating men will not be the answer. You would tell her that everything is going to be okay. You would tell her that she would find someone too, that she should give herself a chance to love someone.

Taehyung snuggles closely to your body, his hands holding your waist, his limbs nestle against your skin, protecting you from the outside world. He breathes slowly, still deep in his sleep. His hair is in disarray, a small pout pasted on his beautiful face. You look at his face carefully, finding the fine hairs around his mouth cute.

You run your fingers through his hair. You always like his hair. It is kind of curly and bouncy. It is not the first time you feel envious of his hair. His hair is shiny and soft compared to yours. Sure, maybe it is because you usually bleached it by yourself at home with Hani’s help before, and now your hair is dry and split. Maybe you should ask him where he gets his done.

Taehyung stirs with your touch, opening his eyes slowly. “Hey.” He sinks his head to your chest, hugging you tightly.

You can’t get enough of this.

“Hey to you too.” You stroke his hair. “Don’t you need to go to work? I think your phone has been ringing several times already”

“Don’t wanna,” he murmurs in your chest.

You smile at his antics. “Won’t you get into trouble?”

He hugs you tightly. “Don’t care.”

You giggle, hugging him back. “Oh, right. I need to find my phone.”

“It’s in my jacket.”

You gawk and hit him softly on the shoulder. “And why didn't you give it to me yesterday!”

Taehyung hums in your chest. “Oh, I also forget to tell Hani about you. She might be worried sick.”

You push him away abruptly. “And you couldn't say anything until just now?” You slide from your bed, walking to his jacket to find your phone. “Jesus, I can’t understand you.” You quickly dial Hani’s number to reassure her.

Taehyung sits as he watches you trying to explain yourself to your best friend on the phone. He can even hear Hani’s yelling faintly. He smiles mischievously when you put your middle finger towards him and glare. Even just that small action of you, it makes his heart racing.

It is weird. He can’t understand it.

He thought that he only had one chance to love someone, and when he lost her, he was almost sure he wouldn’t love or even meet anyone. But it changed when he met you. It changed when you decided to help him.

How come he became so attached to you? How come he wants you so damn much? How come you always take his breath away?

Taehyung rises from the bed and walks closer to you.

Maybe it's fate, when he found your bakery and met you for the first time. Maybe it’s chemistry, when you talked to him and slept with him the first time. Maybe it’s jealousy when he saw you with Chanyeol and when he hugged you.

Taehyung was never a hopeless romantic, but hell yeah. Maybe it’s love.

You turn your phone off and face him. “Well, thanks to you, she didn’t sleep at all last night. I can’t even understand her voice with her crying loudly like that. She also wanted to yell at you but first, she wanted to thank you. But still, you shouldn’t forget about Hani, she-“

Suddenly, Taehyung kisses you, interrupting your tirade, catching you off-guard. He kisses hard and quick. He then pulls away, to look at your face. “I-I think I am in love with you,” he says as he rests his forehead on yours.

His declaration makes you stunned. So out of the blue. So Taehyung. You do know that you both feel something about each other. But you never thought that you would hear it from him.

That he loves you.

Your heart is racing as your tears begin to fall. How many times have you cried in front of him since you’ve met? You’ve lost count. You don’t care. You can’t believe those words have this so much effect on you. You can’t believe how he affects you this much.

Taehyung senses your silence and looks at your face. “I am sorry, is that a bad thing for me to do?” He starts to panic as he wipes your tears.

You shake your head quickly. “No. Not at all. I just can’t believe I would hear it.” You smile softly.

“But I don’t want to rush anything. I want to do this carefully. I know you are still in the process of moving on. And so am I,” he blabs. “Oh. Not that I am still in love with that girl. I just thought-“

It’s your turn to stop his talk. You peck his lips quickly, making him blush. “That’s fine with me.” You grin from ear to ear, feeling drunk with happiness. “I think I’m in love with you too.”

He pulls you into his chest, holding you tightly. “Should we go on a date, then?”

You chuckle. “Fine by me. Maybe another place besides that diner?”

He smiles, the corner of his eyes crinkle. “Good call.” He leans in to give you another kiss. And after countless kisses you shared with him, it might be your most favorite one. That one kiss that declared a love for each other.

You never thought you would have this feeling.

Happiness. Love. Longing.

Sure, life is full of unexpected things. You thought you would just ride the bus for 2 stops, but you ended up sitting for another 4 stops because you dozed off. You thought you would just sit for a coffee, but then you ended up ordering a slice of cake because it looked delicious. You thought you would just eat the bread for a palate cleanser between the wine, but you ended enjoying the bread more than the wine. You turned to a man for comfort and to comfort him back, but ended up falling in love with him.

It was unexpected.

But you don’t dislike that a bit.

Maybe Hani was right, you did need a palate cleanser.

And now, your palate is pretty cleansed, and you are ready for the main course. Or maybe...

“How about another piece of bread?” you smile at Taehyung, as you drag him to the kitchen for the favorite part of your day, breakfast with him.

Epilogue

“You must be kidding me! That can’t be possible!” Jin yells.

Jungkook who has the report in his hand, winces. “I know Hyung. But that’s what the forensic report said.” He points to the part of the report which states: respiratory arrest-asphyxia. “The gunshot was fired after he died, apparently.”

“But when he was killed?” Yoongi asks back.

Hoseok thinks for a bit. “You know, Y/N said that Baekho was hyperventilating before he was shot. Maybe he had some disease? Or maybe he was poisoned?”

Jin runs his fingers through his hair in exasperation. “Alright then, Jungkook you go back to the forensics and investigate his cause of death. Yoongi will check the CCTV recordings, to see if he was drugged before he was in the warehouse. We still need to check on Baekhyun’s whereabouts too.”

As the other agents scatter from Jin’s office, Jungkook lingers longer. “Can you assign someone else to the forensics?” he asks warily.

Jin looks at him suspiciously. “Look, Kook. I want to help you, but the fact is we are in a bigger case than we thought. Please don’t make me yell at you. You are a professional.”

Jungkook sighs. “You are right. I am sorry. I‘ll investigate it immediately.” He nods and walks out of the office. He hates to go to the forensic department, but he can’t avoid it forever. He repeats Jin’s words to himself. He needs to be professional.

He must face her.

Go check the other series because *sst... It’s all connected!

Series Masterlist: The Company

Taglist: @kb-bangtanenthusiast @w0lfqu33n @gee-nee @jaienn @nctssidehoe

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bigdaddib · 5 years ago

Text

Really.

“You can’t be serious,” Arya glared at Sansa. “You could literally dare me to jump off the roof into the pool, you could dare me to drink two bottles of vodka upside down, you could—”

“I dare you to kiss Gendry,” she maintained, an evil brow raised.

Arya huffed, pushing choppy hair away from her face. “That’s…that’s stupid. Also, boring, no one else here wants to see—”

“Yes, we do,” said Margery. She was cuddled in next to Joffrey, but Arya knew her and Sansa were holding hands behind his back.

“Fine, fine, but don’t blame me when nothing really happens,” Arya tried to keep her voice from shaking. The only way she could do it was by pushing anger through it. Who did they think they were, anyway? It was one thing to tease about her and Gendry’s close friendship, it was another to…

It wasn’t rejection she was scared of. Or, even of ruining their friendship, she knew they’d be fine. Maybe it would be awkward for a second, but they would eventually laugh it off. She just…she didn’t want to see the look on his face. She didn’t want to see the grimace he got when he ate green peppers or mushrooms up close and personal, as a reaction to her. Like she triggered some type of gag reflex. She knew if she saw that face, she would cry right in his face despite not having cried once since she was five. He would ruin the record.

They followed her out of Shireen’s parent’s room toward the living room, where Gendry was talking to Jon casually in front of the fireplace.

“We’ll be by the drinks,” Sansa told her, and they soon walked over there.

Arya took a moment to herself. She’d just close her eyes and wouldn’t open them until he started laughing. She could handle laughing, she could laugh with him. She couldn’t fake being grossed out by something she’s been thinking about the past six months.

It wasn’t a long crush, admittedly. In all honesty, its probably lasted her entire life, but she’d only realized six months ago, when he got a temporary girlfriend. Arya was forced to watch them hug and kiss and…whatever else they probably did in their three month relationship. It was infuriating. Arya always sat next to him on the couch, Arya was who he spent time with on Saturdays, Arya wore his clothes when hers just weren’t warm enough. Those were all hers, and she had to watch Melisandre do all of, and Arya wasn’t allowed to be mad. She didn’t have the same claim over him, and that angered her even more because yes she did. She had every claim over him, he was hers. He’d been hers for years, and this girl just showed up and now he wasn’t allowed to be hers anymore.

And in those three months, she got more out of Gendry than Arya ever would. She got cuddles and kisses and whispers and…and…she got…

Arya hadn’t thought about any of that until then. Until she watched Melisandre casually walked out of his room wearing nothing but his t-shirt, four or five hickies on her neck. At that point Arya just thought she was jealous because she was getting more attention from him. But after seeing her like that, she realized it ran much deeper. That was the first time she imagined being with Gendry in his room, wearing nothing but a t-shirt as he was kissing her neck passionately enough to leave hickies. Once she let herself imagine it she couldn’t stop.

And even in her fantasies, she kept seeing that look on his face. Because Arya wasn’t Melisandre. She wasn’t long and heart stopping beautiful. She was short and horse faced, one of the guys. He’d never look at her the way he looked at Melisandre. And now she was forced to realize it straight on.

Jon saw her coming, smiled. Gendry nodded, he was probably pissed she had left him alone in the first place. Jon opened up an arm for her as she got closer, “Figured you’d be jumping naked off the roof by now,” he said.

Arya nodded, “Me too,” she was very bitter about the fact she wasn’t doing exactly that.

“What’s up?” he asked. Arya twisted her mouth to the side, looked up at Gendry. He wasn’t looking at her, instead he was sipping his drink and staring at the dancing crowd. Yep, he was pissed. Well, just wait, she was about to make it much worse.

“Do you mind if I talk to Gendry alone for a sec?” she asked Jon. Now Gendry looked to her, rolled his clear blue eyes.

Jon sighed, “Fine. Gotta find Ygritte I guess. She’s probably jumping naked off the roof now that I think about it,” he mumbled to himself, walking away.

“Don’t be pouty,” Arya stepped closer to him. He always smelt nice.

“I don’t get why you drag to me to these things if you’re just gonna ditch me. For Sansa, of all people,” he took a whiney drink.

Arya huffed, “You never want to jump off roofs with me, and this is the only way I’ll get you out of your room,”

“I have a nice room,” he countered, realizing his drink was empty and setting it aside.

“I’m sorry, I’m here now,”

“You probably want something,” he grunted, turning completely to the dancing crowd to their side, crossing long arms over a wide chest. “Alright, out with it, tell me what it is,”

Arya sighed, glancing over to see Sansa and Margery staring at her steadily. She wouldn’t be a chicken, that wasn’t an option.

So, she took in a deep breath, counted to three, then reached for him. His face was warm, his scruff was scratchy, but she kept her eyes firmly shut as she kissed him.

She knew she’d like it, she knew he’d be warm and tall and firm, she knew his hair was soft. She knew he’d be surprised too. He made a sound at the back of his throat when he realized what was happening, and that’s about all he did. The kiss lasted about two seconds, she got what she’d been dreaming about for about two seconds, and he did nothing but make a surprised noise the majority of it.

Arya pulled away as quickly as she had reached for him. She turned away, pointedly ignoring any sort of look he might be making. “Sorry,” she whispered. “I just—”

Gendry grabbed her waist and pulled her firmly against him, he used his other hand to cup the back of her neck. Arya looked at him then, and she was not expecting to see that look. She’d never seen it on his face before, it was deep and…and yearning. It made her forget how to breathe.

“Really?” he asked her.

She couldn’t say anything, she still wasn’t convinced this was all really happening. All she could do was look back to his lips, and apparently that’s all the answer he needed.

His mouth came down on hers in such a way Arya had to grip the tops of his shoulders to keep herself steady before deciding to wrap them around his neck all together. She tugged at his soft, fluffy hair, something she’s done before. He often laid his head onto her lap so she would drag her fingers through it, but this was different, this had intention and meaning, and he was moaning because of it. He was holding her closer, lifting her off her feet, moving to press hungry kisses up and down her neck. Arya was about to wrap her legs around his waist when they were interrupted.

Sansa, Margery, and Joffrey cheered and wolf whistled. Arya almost didn’t notice them, honestly she had forgotten they were there to begin with. Gendry, however, did notice. Setting her down but keeping his arms around her, he looked over at them as they walked over.

“And you didn’t wanna do it,” Sansa grinned. Arya was officially in a panic, almost moving to put her hands over Gendry’s ears.

“What?” Gendry asked gruffly.

“Oh, don’t worry bro,” Joffrey punched Gendry’s shoulder. “It was only a dare. We practically had to force her into it,”

The look Gendry got when he ate mushrooms was nothing compared to this one. His jaw was clenched and his mouth pinched. He looked so angry yet also looked like he was close to tears. He let go of Arya.

“Gendry,” Arya reached out for him but he stepped away.

“Its whatever. I’m going home.” He said gruffly, walking away.

Arya whipped to face her sister. “What the fuck?!”

Sansa rolled her eyes. “Don’t be an idiot, go after him! Someone had to make you guys see how you felt about each other,”

“Oh, aren’t you a hero,” Arya spat. She turned to go after him but had no idea where he went. He’d be on his way home by now. “Drive me home,” she told Sansa.

“I’m not gonna say sorry,” Sansa said to an icy cold Arya. “I do regret…you know, what happened after. But you two weren’t going to do anything on your own,”

“And that’s your business, how?” Arya wouldn’t look at her. She didn’t even want to be talking to her. She just wanted to see Gendry. She knew how hurt he must be, she knew he was sitting in a pitch black room with his music playing too loud and it was because of her.

He kissed her back. He had wanted to kiss her. The thought made her dizzy.

“It gets annoying, seeing all the pining,”

“Then maybe Margery should dump Joffrey so you two can stop pining,” Arya bit back. Sansa was quiet for the rest of the drive.

Arya knocked frantically on Gendry’s window, trying to make it loud enough to hear over the loud music.

“Go away Arya!” he called back.

“Please Gendry, let me explain!”

“You don’t have to. I get it. Give me the night, I’ll be fine in the morning,”

“No! No, not like that. I-I..” She sighed, preparing herself to say it out loud. “I wanted to kiss you Gendry, I just didn’t think you’d wanna kiss me,”

The music paused. It was dead silent for about three minutes. Then Gendry came to the window. He opened it, then leaned against the wall, not letting her in.

Arya tried to smile, “I’m sorry it…happened like that,” she whispered.

“But you did want it to happen?” Gendry asked, looking to Arya’s knees then back to her eyes, almost like he was too hopeful to hold steady eye contact.

Arya couldn’t look at him either. “I..I..yeah. Yeah, I did.”

“For how long?” he asked.

Arya rubbed the center of her chest, feeling shaky and unprepared for this conversation. She breathed out a quivering breath. “I don’t know. Probably always, but I…you know, I realized it when you were dating—”

Gendry didn’t let her finish before barking out a laugh. He threw his head back, squinted his eyes, and let it out from deep in his stomach.

Arya shoved his shoulder. “It’s not funny,”

“Its fucking hilarious. I got a girlfriend to try and get over you, and you were not having it. We couldn’t go anywhere without you breathing down our necks—”

“Because you were unfair!” Arya snapped back. “You randomly get a girlfriend for two seconds and our entire relationship was supposed to change, and you acted like I was just supposed to deal with it! Like you didn’t care about our relationship—”

“I needed our relationship to change! Unlike you, I’ve known that I was in love with you for fucking…years,” he interrupted himself with a bitter laugh. “Letting you sleep in the same bed as me, letting you wear my clothes, letting you snuggle up next to me on the couch, it was fucking killing me Arya! I needed to get over you, and it wasn’t going to happen if—”

“Did you?” Arya whispered, eyebrows pulled together. “Did you get over me?”

Gendry paused, searching Arya’s eyes. “No,” he finally said. “No, I didn’t.”

A wave of relief crashed over her, causing her to lean forward into him. She pressed her forehead to the center of his chest. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I just… I never thought about it before…before I saw you doing it,”

Gendry ran his finger through her hair, rubbed up and down her back. “If I knew that’s all I had to do, I would’ve made out with a random girl in front of you years ago,”

Arya wrapped her arms around his waist, squeezed. “Yeah, that probably would’ve worked.”

Gendry sighed, “That’s…really annoying, not gonna lie.”

Arya laughed, looking up so that only her chin was resting on his chest. Gendry looked back down at her, held her face in his hands. She smiled.

“I’m…really happy right now,” he told her and she smiled wider.

Straightening up, she looked at his lips.

“Really?” he asked sternly. Arya laughed.

“Really.”

That was all he needed. In the next second they picked up right where they left off at that party.

#gendrya #Arya Stark #arya x gendry #Gendry Waters #gendryaau #truth or dare #fluff #gendrya ff #gendrya fanfiction #friends to lovers

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abbacchiosbelt · 4 years ago

Text

here, it’s 3 AM and i’m feeling wild so have a 10k word unfinished fic. key word is UNFINISHED, so don’t go in expecting a proofread work. some things will literally just say ‘ADD MORE’, lmao, but i thought i’d share this because i did put a lot of work into it, i just don’t think i’ll ever finish it...

it’s Goro Akechi / F!Reader. rated M for violence, some sexual content, and unhealthy relationships. i have not finished P5R and it wasn’t even out when i was playing this, so... yeah. with that in hand, enjoy i guess

Cancelled WIP [Goro Akechi x F! Reader ] 10k words, not proofed and not complete.

A familiar and delicious aroma filled the air as you entered Café Leblanc. Ren nodded at you from behind the counter as you walked in, hastily working to whip up several different blends of coffee. It was a lazy Sunday morning, and the ex-Phantom Thieves had decided to have a chill day, as Ryuji affectionately called it. An opportunity to spend time together was rare. Even if it just meant relaxing, being together would be worth it.

Ryuji and Futaba were already there. Futaba was tucked away in her usual corner, typing away at her laptop. She gave you a short wave from behind the screen. Evidently Ryuji had spent the night, still clad in a pair of pajamas while he flipped through a manga. He lifted his hand for a high-five as you took a seat next to him at the counter, which you gladly obliged. Morgana popped his head up from the seat next to you and stretched. You reached a hand over and gave him a chin scratch, eliciting a purr from him.

Between purrs, he spoke. “This still doesn’t mean I’m a cat.” “Yeah, yeah…” you replied, giving him one final pat. Morgana seemed satisfied and curled back up, keeping his head titled towards the door. “Morning.” Ren said, sliding a cup of coffee in front of you. You closed your eyes for a moment and leaned your head down, taking in the aroma. Perfection. You took a sip and grinned. “This is perfect. As always.” You took another sip of the perfectly iced coffee, which was sweet with a slight hint of bitterness. Just how you liked it. “You and Ryuji are the only ones who take it iced, so I’m glad I could perfect it.” Ren said. “Of course you could. Don’t tell anyone, but I think you make it better than Sojiro.” You winked in response and Akira chuckled. “Plus, you like us the best.” Ren laughed again before moving back down the counter to continue working on making coffee for the rest of your friends. Yusuke arrived next, a sketch book tucked neatly underneath his arm. He sat at the end of the counter and surveyed the scene for a moment.

“Ryuji,” he stated, opening up his sketchbook. “Don’t move. You don’t move either.” Yusuke said, pointing at you. You pointed at yourself, looking confused.

“I’d like to get a sketch of all of you today.” Yusuke replied, eyes already flitting back and forth between the sketchbook and the scene in front of him. “Hm, looks like I’ll have Morgana too. Ren will have to be later…” His voice trailed off and you could tell he was already in his own world. There was nothing else to do, so you intended to stay still for Yusuke’s sake.

A moment later Haru and Makoto arrived, arms linked together. They looked happy. They were the first of the Phantom Thieves to pair off, though you had noticed their glances and subtle hints of affection before they would admit to it. You had seen the same actions between Ryuji and Ren, though they were much more coy about it.

You were snapped out of your thoughts by Ann bursting through the door shortly after, arms stacked full of all sorts of sweet tweets.

“Can I get some help?” Ann cried out as a box of sweets wobbled on top of the stack. You jumped out of your seat to help, eliciting a loud groan from Yusuke and a snicker from Ren and Ryuji in the corner. You helped Ann set the sweets down and she gave you a quick hug before heading to the end of the counter to sit with Makoto and Haru.

“Sorry, Yusuke…” You mumbled, and he waved his hand in the air.

“No matter, I can start a new one. Would you care to sit there again?” He said, flipping to a new page. You nodded in response, ready to head back over before the door chimed again. You felt your heart jump. Akechi was invited today, of course, but he often showed up late. He looked nervous as he walked in the door. There was a noticeable silence before Ren finally broke it.

“Glad you’re here, Akechi.” Ren said, nodding towards him. The rest of the group greeted him as well, and you could see the tension drop from his shoulders. Akechi’s face lit up when he saw you, his stride quick as he made his way to greet you. Out of sight of the others, he lightly grazed your hand. You smiled at the affection.

“Sorry again Yusuke, but I think we’re going to sit in a booth for now.” You said sheepishly, feeling guilty about stopping his progress again.

“That’s quite all right. I think I’ve got a new idea anyways.” Yusuke replied, not taking his eyes of his sketchbook. You could tell he wasn’t angry, but you still felt bad. Akechi’s light touch on your hand again brought you out of your thought. You picked the booth closest to the stairs to sit together, Ren and Ryuji not far from the two of you. Ren gave you a curious look when he noticed Akechi was sitting on the same side of the booth as you, your face flushing. He had always known about the two of you. He was too observant sometimes.

You turned your focus away from Ren’s gaze and towards Akechi.

“I’m glad you decided to come today.” You said, smiling at him. He smiled in return, and you felt his hand lightly graze your thigh. Much to your surprise, he kept it there, fingers light against your leg. You were no stranger to affection from him, but he was usually reserved in the presence of others.

“I’m glad as well. I wanted to talk to you about something later…” Akechi said, his face turned towards you. It often seemed like he was in his own world. “Privately. But we can spend time here now, of course.”

“Sure.” You said, glancing over at Ren again. He had returned to making coffee for everyone, but you saw him give you a smirk. You stuck your tongue out at him and you saw him laugh as he turned away. You turned your attention back to Akechi, who hadn’t said anything more.

Akechi’s fingers began to tap out a rhythmic pattern on your leg under the table. Akechi was more nervous than usual today. You reached your hand beneath the table and wrapped your hand around his, giving it a light squeeze. He seemed to visibly relax next to you.

Sometimes you wished that he was more open with his affection. Before his change of heart, he had been possessive, desperate for your affection and attention. Akechi was careful now, treating you as if you were a precious treasure that could break any moment. Still, he made his affection known. A knowing glance. A whisper so quiet you could barely hear it. His fingers ghosting across your back. They were moments you cherished. Moments that you wanted, needed, more of. Stripped away from his charismatic persona was someone who was hesitant but wished so deeply to be loved. To be needed. The past few months with him had been wonderful, but things hadn’t always been easy.

[ It had been months since the Phantom Thieves had succeeded in their goal of saving the hearts of the public. To most, you were just a regular college student traveling the world. To those closest to you, you were an ex member of the Phantom Thieves. After stumbling your way (happily) into the group, your life had changed.

Goro Akechi was one of those changes. You had found something special with him – a bond so deep that you found it impossible to live without him. A bond so deep that even his betrayal against you and your friends hadn’t been able to split you apart. A bond so deep that he couldn’t swallow his betrayal, leaving him to break away from the bonds of his old life to return to you. And yet, the bond was frayed now, in desperate need of repair.

That’s how you ended up back at your apartment, Akechi standing nervously in your doorway after stopping you on your way back from class. It was a bit intimate, your bedroom and living room being the same area. It wasn’t new to you two – but it felt as if he was afraid to cross that boundary now. Your communication had been limited since the disbandment. You were afraid of being broken again, and he was terrified to lose you.

Akechi eventually came in and settled at one of the seats on your kitchen island. You noticed he was tapping his fingers on the counter.

“I have a question for you.” Akechi finally stated. You plopped down on one of the chairs in your living room, giving him a pointed look. “A question?” You repeated. He nodded before continuing.

“Do you trust me?” Akechi said, eye contact unbreaking. He was intense, as always.

You didn’t want to lie. It’s not that you didn’t want to trust him… but he had attempted to betray all of you before his heart got the better of him. It wasn’t a simple thing to forgive. He carried sins on his back that he would spend his whole life atoning for. And yet, if Haru had managed to forgive him for ruining her father’s life, the rest of the thieves knew they should try too. Your feelings for him made it even harder. You knew better than anyone not to give it away yet.

“No.”

He let out a sigh in response, pushing his hand through his hair. “I suspected as much.”

It wasn’t easy to reject him like this. The moments you had shared, still tender in your mind. The way he smiled at you. The way he looked at you with such adoration. The way he had broken your heart. The moments you had shared together bonded you for life. Akechi’s reveal, and subsequent change of heart made you wary. You weren’t sure how to begin trusting him again. And yet, you still loved him so deeply that you couldn’t imagine life without him.

“But that doesn’t mean I’m incapable.” You said. Akechi looked surprised. “Of trusting you, I mean.”

He didn’t say anything in response, choosing to look down at his hands instead. His fingers were still tapping.

“Let’s start over.” You got up as you spoke and crossed the short distance, stepping in front of him. You put your hand out. “Nice to meet you, Goro Akechi.”

He looked startled. You watched him hesitate, unsure of whether he should touch you. He paused for another moment before reaching his hand out and grasping yours. You had missed his touch, and by the look on his face, he had missed yours as well.

“Nice to meet you too.” He said quietly, letting go of your hand. You smiled.

It was a start. ]

“Goro,” You said softly, squeezing his hand again. “Are you okay?”

He paused before responding, his thumb brushing against your hand while he thought. “I am... I’m just troubled by my thoughts today.”

You squeezed his hand again. Akechi often had unwelcome thoughts, as you had quickly learned. He was conditioned to be that way – to automatically assume the worst. To assume that no one loved him or cared for him.

“I love you, Goro.” You said, leaning into him. He relaxed into your side and placed a chaste kiss on your head.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You asked.

“Ah, I’m okay. Besides,” Akechi said, giving you a small smile. “We’re here to enjoy ourselves, hm?”

“If you’re sure.” You replied, smiling back at him. It was hard to get him to open up. He was guarded – your questions always deflected easily with his signature smile. When you had learned the truth from the mouth of the cognitive Akechi, you understood why he hidden himself away. When the two of you had begun your relationship, officially this time, he finally let his walls down.

[ The first time you went on a date with Akechi, you made a trip to Odaiba Seaside Park. It had been raining on and off, so you figured it’d be a quiet day. With the events of the past still fresh, you wanted to keep things simple.

Akechi had always seemed different with you. His voice was soft and sweet, free of anxieties. When he was with you, he took off the mask. It was a subtle change, but one you’d begun to pick up on. Before, he had hidden so much from you, his secrets and pain pulling him away from life. Now was a chance for both of you to start over, to experience each other as a whole.

The day had started off pleasant – a peaceful walk down the boardwalk with plenty of conversation. You could tell he was feeling at ease, and you were too.

As the sun began to go down, you and Akechi had decided to grab a bite to eat. The only stand still open was serving ice cream, which delighted you. After grabbing your cones, you made your way back down the boardwalk, hoping to find somewhere to sit. Akechi had started another conversation while you walked.

“Are you enjoying it?” He said, smiling at you.

“It’s delicious!” You replied, grinning at him.

Before you could ask him the same, a loud voice interrupted you.

“Oi, aren’t you that shitty detective?”

You looked up to see a group of people, now leering in your and Akechi’s direction. You looked to Akechi, his face still unchanged, but hand gripping his ice cream cone harder.

“Yes. Can I help you with something?” Akechi replied, his voice sharp. It was a stark contrast from his voice with you.

“We’re just wondering why you think it’s okay to show your face around here.” One of the young women in the group said, stepping closer to the two of you. “You’re real fucked up!”

You reached out to grip Akechi’s hand, tugging it gently. He didn’t move.

One of the men piped up next. “Yeah, and now you’ve tricked this dumb little bitch too! She must be real stupid to be with you.”

“Don’t you dare talk about her.” Akechi said, breaking free of your hand and taking a step forward. His face was contorted, eyes angry.

The group laughed, and Akechi tensed. Another member of the group spoke up. “What are you gonna do, little boy detective? You don’t know how to do anything!”

You watched Akechi’s hand ball into a fist. You took another step towards him, and glared at the group.

“Just leave. Please.” You said, trying to be polite, though you wanted to scream at them. You had hoped it would make them go away faster.

One of the women laughed. “Oooh, can’t even defend himself, he’s got his little girlfriend to stand up for him instead!”

“Why don’t you come with us, baby? We’re a lot of fun!” One of the men said. You could feel Akechi shaking now, trying to control his anger. You didn’t know what to do.

“L-let’s just leave, Goro.” You said, tugging at his shirt. He hesitated before he turned back to you, his face still laced with anger. The group leered and chanted at you, but thankfully they didn’t follow as you walked further down the boardwalk.

Akechi was silent as you walked, and you weren’t sure quite what to say either. You found a more secluded area and led him to it, turning to face him.

“Goro? Are you okay?” You said.

Akechi’s hands were shaking. “You think I’m weak. A coward.”

He kept his eyes downcast, nor daring to look at you.

“That’s not true.”

“But I couldn’t even say anything.” He replied, still looking away from you. “I’ve ruined things. This whole day.”

“Goro, please. It’s okay. Talk to me.” You said. He was still looking away.

You took a step towards him and he looked up at you, his eyes watery. “I failed you. Again. And I’m going to keep failing you, and you’ll leave like all the rest, and I’ll be miserable just like I deserve.”

“Goro…” You said softly. “Can I hug you?”

He paused for a moment. In times like these, he was usually berated or screamed at, told that he was better off not being in this world. But you had changed things for him, responding to his bursts of emotion with kindness and care.

He nodded, and you stepped forward, wrapping your arms around him. He was taller than you, but you felt him crumple in your touch, his face buried in your neck. You felt him shaking in your touch, his hands gripping the back of your shirt tightly.

“Shh… It’s okay.” You said. You were glad no one seemed to be around. The intimacy of this moment was something to be cherished. “You have me, Goro. I’m not going anywhere.”

You heard a sob choke out of him, muffled by your shoulder. He was still shaking. You led him to bench behind you.

“Let’s sit down for a minute, okay?” You said quietly. He nodded, and the two of you made your way to the bench and sat down. Akechi had been hesitant to touch you, afraid to let himself feel comfort.

“We could… We could still be close to each other?” Akechi said, sounding very unsure. You weren’t even sure if he asked a question. “If that’s okay…”

“Of course.” You replied, scooting next to him. His body was still shaking. You felt him slowly put his arm out, hesitating to wrap it around you. You looked up to find him studying your face. His eyes were still puffy, but the tears had stopped. “Do you want to talk more?”

He wrapped his arm around you. His touch was still light, but it made you happy. “Not right now. It’s just… you just look very nice right now. You’re just calming to look at.”

It was your turn to blush. You laid your head on his shoulder and heard him take a sharp intake of breath.

“Ah, I’m sorry Goro, I did that without thinking.” You said, quickly lifting your head. He was still looking at you.

“No, please… It felt nice.” Akechi said. “It’s just… I’ve missed you. So much.”

You laid your head back down and felt him squeeze his arm around you tighter. He leaned his head down towards yours.

“I don’t want to lose you again.” He said, lips lightly brushing your forehead. “Let’s stay like this. Just for a bit.”

You stayed there for an hour, bodies comfortably pressed together, silent. You didn’t have to use words to know that the both of you were making up for lost time. ]

Since that day at the park, you had made an effort to always communicate with him. To really understand how he was feeling, and to help him as best as you could. You couldn’t fix a person. No, that wasn’t possible. But you were doing your best to help guide Akechi through life now, encouraging him to seek help and begin healing.

“Are you okay?” Akechi said, startling you. You had been lost in your own thoughts.

“Just thinking about you.” You replied, leaning over to whisper in his ear. “And how much I want to kiss you.”

Akechi’s cheeks turned pink. He still became flustered from praise and affection, having gone so long in his life without it. You delighted in making him happy.

You wanted to fluster him more, but an exclamation from Futaba interrupted you.

“It’s movie time!” She said, picking up her laptop triumphantly.

“Wait, we’re not watching it on that, are we?” Ann said. Futaba had a fancy gaming laptop, but the screen was too small for all ten of you.

“No, no, Ren has a fancy surprise upstairs for us.” Futaba replied. Ren just hummed in agreement before taking his apron off, having finished making drinks for the group. Futaba rushed ahead of you, Morgana trailing right behind her. The rest of the group followed suit, leaving you and Akechi to follow behind. Akechi reluctantly let go of your hand and got up, but extended it again to help you up.

“Why thank you, my prince.” You said, giggling and taking his hand.

“Anything for my princess.” He replied, stifling his own laugh. It was silly, but you two had found pleasure in calling each other pet names.

When you reached Ren’s room you were surprised to see the changes – twinkle lights adorned all the rafters, and what used to be an old CRT had been replaced by a large flat screen TV. There was some sort of blanket pile set up in the middle, most of your friends already sprawled out. A salt rock was letting off a gentle glow in the corner.

“Wow, Ren, this looks nice!” You said. Ren shrugged, but you saw him smile.

“He wanted to make it fancy n’ all for you guys. Both of us pitched in to buy this awesome TV!” Ryuji said, giving Ren a slap on the back. Ren just rolled his eyes, but you could tell he liked the attention. Both of them sat back down together, Ryuji’s arm slinging around Ren’s shoulder. Not so subtle anymore, you thought.

Akechi sat down near the back of the room, patting for you to sit down next to him. You had other ideas as you plopped yourself in-between his legs, resting your back on his chest. You heard him inhale sharply. He leaned his head towards you, lips brushing the top of your ear.

“In front of the others?” He said, resting his lips on your ear.

“Mm. It’s fine with me. Are you okay with it?” You said.

“Y-yes. Very much so.” He replied. You twisted around to look at him and gave him a soft smile.

“It makes me feel safe.” You said. He hummed in satisfaction, snaking his arms around your waist.

Futaba stood at the front of the room and clapped her hands. You were happy that she felt so confident now.

“Alright, it’s time for our feature film. For today’s pick, we’ll be watching ZAW 2!” Futaba said, hitting play on her laptop and scrambling to sit down.

Oh no. You weren’t exactly a fan of horror movies, especially ones with lots of blood and guts. You shifted uncomfortably, already nervous. Akechi gave you a gentle squeeze. He didn’t know about your dislike of horror movies, and now wasn’t the best time to let him know.

The beginning of the movie wasn’t even safe – the screen was immediately filled by the image of a mutilated body and the sound of a loud scream. Why the hell had Futaba picked this movie? You looked around the room, finding some eyes glued to the TV and some joining you in averting their eyes. Makoto was stress-eating some of the chocolate Ann had brought with her. You glanced up and saw Akechi was watching. You didn’t want to ruin the movie for him.

The next scenes were even worse, somehow increasingly violent. You were staring at the floor now, your heart racing. You could have tried to tolerate it if there was a plot, but it just seemed like a cheap movie for shock value. You shifted your body so you could rest some of your face on Akechi’s chest, curling as close to him as possible.

He lifted an arm from your body to reach your head, his hand gently stroking your hair.

“Not a fan?” He whispered. You shook your head. “Don’t worry. I’ve got you.”

It was just a movie, but you felt reassured. He was always so gentle with you, his words never hiding malice behind them. He had always been gentle with you.

[ The first time you realized you and Akechi loved each other involved a grievous injury.

The Phantom Thieves had been in Mementos for most of the day, training and trying out different combinations of party members. Ren and Makoto had come up with an exhaustive list of combinations to try against different enemies, ranking them as they went.

You and Akechi had been in the party together multiple times today, both of you working together quite well. Though you tended to work well with everyone, something just clicked with him. Though the circumstances of his membership to the Phantom Thieves weren’t what you would call ideal, you and Akechi had made fast friends. He was always there to help you out, and you were always there to encourage him, inside and outside of battle.

And though you kept it hidden away from the others, you would often find yourself messaging Akechi late into the night, both of you unable to sleep. On hard days, you’d find him waiting for you after classes with your favorite drink, a dazzling smile on his face. Sometimes you’d even meet up and stroll through the darkness together, talking about whatever came to mind. You wondered if perhaps your bonding outside of battle is what made you two work so well together.

Ren had finally called for the last fight of the day, calling forth the two of you along with Ann. You were exhausted, but you knew everyone else was too. A few minutes later your party encountered a particularly tough group of enemies, Ren immediately calling out orders.

You had been hit a couple times, but not hard enough that you thought you needed healing. Akechi had insisted you heal yourself, but you reminded him of the limited rations the group had left. He reluctantly left the subject alone. The first two enemies went down thanks to Ann and Akechi. The last enemy left was enraged, its attacks suddenly hitting much harder.

“Just a little more!” Ren yelled. You watched as Akechi readied his Persona for a final attack and felt your heart jump when you saw the enemy suddenly rushing him, eyes ablaze.

“CROW!” You screamed, jumping in front of him without a second thought. You felt your body fly back, back slamming into the ground with enough force to crack it. The pain was immediate, searing and all-consuming.

Your vision was hazy, eyes heavy. You tried to move, to raise your hand, but nothing happened. You couldn’t even speak, a low groan leaving your throat instead. Pain bloomed from your chest, warm blood starting to seep from your injury. You tried to move again and your body burned, blood suddenly bursting from your mouth as you coughed.

You heard screaming, both your teammate’s and the scream of the shadow who had been destroyed. It was getting harder to see. Someone had come to your side, hands fluttering over your body.

“Hurry! HURRY!” You recognized Akechi’s voice, now strained and desperate. Someone else was beside you now, using whatever SP they had left to cast Recarm. You felt arms under you now, lifting you from the destroyed ground and cradling you to their chest.

“Oh god, please hold on. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Akechi said from above you, voice quiet and shaky. You felt something warm hit your face and realized he was crying. Ren quickly set a plan in motion to get you to the team’s doctor quickly, your body needing extra healing after how much damage you had taken. You wanted to reach up, to assure him you’d be okay, but you were weak. You felt your body start to go limp, Akechi’s voice above you again.

“Please, please stay with us—" He was saying more, but all you felt was endless darkness.

You woke up, body still aching. You wondered where you were, unfamiliar sounds and smells overwhelming you. It smelled… sterile. Your eyes were still heavy, fluttering as you tried to open them. You blinked, looking down at your body covered in bandages and hooked up to an IV. You remembered the screaming, the crack of your back as you had hit the ground and the feeling of the warm blood that covered your body.

It must have been bad, you thought. None of you had ended up in the hospital yet. Your thoughts were broken by a sudden voice.

“She’s awake!” You recognized Futaba’s voice, looking over to see her and Ren sitting next to your bed.

You tried to sit up, wincing as your body rejected the movement.

“Ah, don’t hurt yourself more! We were so worried.” Futaba said, she and Ren standing from their seats to move closer to you. You heard her sniff, watching as tears ran down her face.

“We thought we lost you.” Ren said, placing his hand over yours gently. You smiled at both of them, grateful they were here.

“I’m going to let everyone know.” Futaba said, digging her phone out of her pocket. Ren was running his thumb over your hand, his eyes downcast. You didn’t have any concerns about the gesture – his feelings for Ryuji were obvious. Instead, he seemed troubled.

“I’m sorry.” Ren said, looking back up at you. “I pushed us too hard.”

You simply looked at him, too tired to speak. You didn’t blame him. You squeezed his hand in response, trying to communicate your feelings. You sighed, your body urging you to go back to sleep.

“Rest, we’ll be here when you wake up.” His voice was reassuring, his hand still gently touching yours as you closed your eyes and drifted back off to sleep.

You were awoken this time by the sound of bickering.

“Shut up, Ryuji! You’re going to wake her up!”

“You’re going to wake her up with your loud mouth!”

“The both of you, quiet down.”

Ryuji and Ann, you thought. Morgana too. A quiet giggle left your mouth, followed by sudden silence.

You opened your eyes to find all your friends staring at you, eyes wide.

Haru spoke first, rushing to your side and grabbing your hand. “Oh my goodness, it’s so good to see you!”

You smiled at her and gently squeezed her hand back. Makoto joined her, placing her hand on your shoulder.

“We’re so glad you’re okay.” Her voice was soft, not as confident as usual.

“You idiots, you woke her up!” Morgana said, hopping up on the end of your bed. You could hear him purring. “Sorry about those two.”

Ryuji and Ann ignored him, walking over to greet you. Ann reached down to hug you gently and you leaned into her embrace as best you could, happy to see them.

Ryuji looked more awkward, his hand behind his head. “Thought you bit the dust for a minute.”

“Ryuji!” Ann said, standing and smacking him on the back of the head. “Not the time.”

Ryuji grumbled, pushing Ann over to wrap you in a hug. “Oi, she knows I’m joking.”

You weakly laughed and winced slightly under Ryuji’s hug, slightly too tight. Ryuji let go and you saw Yusuke hovering at the end of your bed.

“It’s good to see you’re okay.” He rummaged through a bag for a second, pulling out a small sketchbook. “I’ve worked on some things for you to look at while you recover. I know you’ll enjoy them.”

You smiled at Yusuke’s show of affection. Ren and Futaba were still there too, both of them coming to greet you once more. You heard a soft knock at the door, everyone’s head turning at the noise. Akechi stepped into the frame, his hands clenched tightly. You thought you saw a hint of anger on some of their faces. For what, you weren’t sure.

“Could I… come in?” Akechi said, his voice hesitant.

“Of course.” You replied, your voice hoarse. It was the first time you had spoken since you had woken up. Akechi stepped in, clearing his throat before he spoke again.

“May I have a moment with her? Alone?” He said. You saw Ryuji shoot Ren a look. Ren seemed hesitant, but finally grumbled a noise of approval.

Haru and Makoto reluctantly left your bedside, Haru squeezing your hand one more time. Everyone left the room save for Ren. He turned to look at you, placing his hand on yours again.

“Are you okay with this?” He said, looking intently at you. It felt strange. Why were they acting like this?

You nodded at him and he let go. He went to leave, pausing to look at Akechi. You couldn’t see Ren’s gaze, but the look on Akechi’s face told you it wasn’t friendly. Ren looked back at you one more time before leaving, gently sliding the door shut behind him.

Akechi stared at you for a moment before walking towards the side of your bed, eyes downcast. You eyed him curiously. All of this was so strange.

“Hi.” You said, smiling. He looked up at you, the hint of a smile on his face.

“Hello.” He replied. His hand hovered over yours, unsure. You moved your hand to touch his gloved fingertips, watching as his body relaxed. He laid his hand on the bed, fingertips still carefully pressed against yours.

Akechi was staring at you now.

“Do I have something on my face?” You said, weakly laughing. He didn’t laugh.

“You… I’m… I’m so sorry.” Akechi said quietly. You looked at him and watched as a tear slid down his face.

You were confused. You had no idea what had happened, other than the memory of the pain. “Sorry? What for?”

He looked startled at your response, body stiffening, his fingertips pulling away from yours. You missed the touch already.

“You don’t… remember?” He said, giving you an incredulous look.

“Not at all.” You replied. You heard him sigh. His hand was gripping your bedsheet tightly. “What happened?”

Akechi was silent, looking into your eyes again. He looked pained. “You took a fatal hit for me.”

Oh. You remembered it vaguely now, the fear in your heart when you saw Akechi was about to be hit. You suddenly understood why your teammates had looked angry – they weren’t exactly warming up to Akechi the way you were.

“I’m sorry. I should have been doing better, it’s my fault that you’re like this—”

“Akechi.” You said, interrupting him. You pushed your hand forward, fingertips touching his again. He didn’t pull away.

“It was my choice. I made a vow to protect my teammates. My friends.” You said. You were starting to get tired again. He opened and closed his mouth, unable to form a response. He just looked at you.

“I… I should have protected you, though.” He said, another tear rolling down his face. “You are the most precious thing in this world to me.”

His face suddenly turned pink at the realization of what he had said. You felt your heart flutter.

“Akechi… You’re important to me too.” You said, smiling at him. He smiled back this time, small and unsure. “You do owe me one though.”

Akechi chuckled. You felt warmth blooming in your chest, ebbing just a bit of the pain.

“Will you stay with me while I sleep?” You said. He nodded and reached to brush a piece of your hair back. The gesture was intimate, his touch light. You closed your eyes, letting your body relax as you tried to go back to sleep.

You felt Akechi slip his hand under yours, fingers gently sliding in-between your own. His skin was warm against yours. You realized he had taken his glove off.

You felt the warmth in your chest again before falling back asleep. ]

Another chorus of screams came from the TV and you curled even tighter into him. The movie was silent for a moment before a loud gunshot came from the screen, causing both of you to jump. You felt your skin begin to prickle, the familiar feeling of anxiety rushing over your skin. It was too much. You had to get out of here. You crawled out of Akechi’s lap and quickly went down the stairs, relief washing over you when the sounds of the TV were no longer loud. You sat in the furthest booth to drown out the sounds completely.

You had never liked guns. You didn’t find them appealing the way a lot of people did, and you had winced upon seeing your teammate’s during your first excursion to the Metaverse. What had sealed the deal for your feel was coming face to face with Akechi’s shadow, and the feeling of his gun pressed harshly against your cheek.

[ You wondered if your friends were going to have to drag your broken and bloody body out of the palace. You wondered if he would be able to handle it, watching himself splatter your brains against the floor. Maybe your thoughts should have been more urgent with the barrel of a gun pressed into your cheek, but hey, no one said looking death in the face had to be rational.

It could have been worse. Akechi could have ambushed you instead of joining you. Akechi’s help had given you the heads up on the majority of Shido’s palace. You didn’t blame him for not expecting to see himself there, twisted and full of malice. Even more, you didn’t blame him for not knowing how cognizant his shadow self would be – all the love he felt for you had seemed to turn to vile hatred in the mind of the other Akechi.

You hadn’t forgiven him, of course. But when he had texted you days after the betrayal in the Casino Palace, you couldn’t ignore the fact that he could help Ren. You couldn’t ignore the sobbing on the phone when you finally picked up, his voice panicky and desperate. And so, with Akechi’s intel and willingness, the plan the Phantom Thieves had set-up went into motion with one exception – the supposed suicide of Ren was not carried out violently by Akechi. Careful planning let the idea spread in the news.

Akechi had groveled at your feet when he finally saw you in person again. It wasn’t easy to accept his help – you would have refused if Ren had rejected him. Akechi had been eager to give every detail he knew, telling the Phantom Thieves the truth about Shido and his manipulation. Thus, the infiltration of the palace had gone smoothly, until you had reached the engine room.

All of you had split up to look around for clues. Everything was normal, until you found yourself on the floor, someone’s shoe digging into your back.

“Ah, the pet.” You recognized the voice – it was Akechi’s. But it wasn’t normal, no, this voice was laced with venom. Your struggling against the floor alerted the rest of the group, horrified gasps resounding throughout the room, something close to a growl leaving Ren’s throat. A moment later you were dragged up by your hair, a hard and cold object suddenly digging into your cheek.

“I thought you would have given up this vice by now.” Cognitive Akechi said, clicking his tongue. You felt the gun dig further into your cheek.

“The fuck is this, Crow?” Ryuji yelled. You saw him take step towards Akechi, who looked horrified.

“I don’t, god, I didn’t know this would happen.” Akechi stuttered out, panic laced in his words.

The cognitive Akechi tugged on your hair harshly, hot pain flaring in your scalp. A sick laugh bubbled out of his throat, and you saw your Akechi tense.

“You know, you were just a tool for him.” The cognitive Akechi said, pulling your face up to look at his. An awful grin was plastered on his face, eyes shining bright red. “Until he got too attached.”

“That’s not true—” You heard Akechi say, the cognitive Akechi interrupting him.

“What a fool you were.” His voice was practically a hiss now as he spoke. “You did all those awful things, and for what? To give it up for this?”

He kicked you in the side, and you cried out in pain. Akechi made a loud noise of protest, and you felt the gun press into your cheek harder.

“Shido was going to get rid of this, anyways.” He said, his faced distorted in a smirk. “And you, too. You meant nothing to him.”

“That’s enough.” Ren said, his voice low and dangerous. “Let her go.”

The cognitive Akechi laughed again, pressing the gun into your cheek again. “One move, and I shoot.”

You could feel your heartbeat pounding in your chest, chest heaving from panic. You were going to die, and there was nothing you could do about it.

“Oh dear, are you frightened?” He said, sneering at you. “I know. Let’s make it personal.”

The cognitive Akechi shot a devilish smile at your Akechi. “Come, then. Do it yourself.”

Akechi looked at you, eyes wide with fear. And then you looked up at your friends, some of their faces stained with tears. Makoto, though, had a look you recognized – determination. You were going to take your chance.

“Please.” You rasped out. You saw Akechi clench his hands into fists. “Please, Goro.”

“I can’t.” He said, his voice shaky. You met his eyes and gave him a hard look, glancing to Makoto next to him. You saw as he bit his lip – he understood.

“Hm, then perhaps I’ll make this drawn out?” You heard the Cognitive Akechi laugh and saw how Akechi tensed again. Akechi met your eyes, fear evident on his face. He took a slow step forward, and again, until he was within shooting range. He summoned his gun, identical to the one in the cognitive Akechi’s, and shakily lifted it, eyes meeting yours again.

The cognitive Akechi made a hum of satisfaction, lowering his gun from your face. A loud shot rang out and you saw the cognitive Akechi stumble backwards, groaning angrily. Makoto’s gun was in the air, smoke flowing from the end of it. The gamble had worked – the cognitive Akechi had been too self-assured, a trait he shared with your Akechi.

You scrambled away as fast as you could and heard another shot ring out, another horrible groan emerging from the cognitive Akechi. You turned back, looking between the two. Your Akechi’s gun was smoking, his hands shaking. The cognitive Akechi was on the floor, eyes wide and staring at you as he died.

It made you feel sick, stomach twisting in disgust as you watched the cognitive Akechi fade into black smoke, your Akechi collapsing to his knees. Your friends rushed over to you, smothering you in hugs and “Are you okays”, each of them talking over the other.

But it was Akechi you were concerned about. You silently got up and kneeled in front of him. A moment later you wrapped around him. He was sobbing, telling you again how sorry he was, how he didn’t want to be like this.

You knew he was carrying around years of pain and hurt, the sting of rejection from everyone in his life that was supposed to love him. He swallowed that bitter pill for years, poison seeping through his veins. He had to account for his own choices – you knew that. But you also knew that despite everything, he was worthy of more.

There was so much you wanted to say. Your heart was still broken – you knew this well. But in this moment, there was only one thing you could say to him.

“I love you.” ]

That day played in your head often, the memory of the cold metal against your cheek vivid and unsettling. It was only a few seconds later that you heard someone descending the steps, then a familiar voice softly calling your name. Akechi came to sit next to you in the booth, his arm wrapping around you.

“I don’t think I was enjoying that movie either.” He murmured, gently rubbing your shoulder. “Do you want to leave?”

Leaving would make you sad – but you had been unaware that today’s movie choice would bother you so much. Besides, on a lucky break, your group would be able to hang out next weekend as well. Time alone with Akechi sounded more appealing.

“Yeah. Let me just text Ren.” You replied. You sent a text saying you weren’t feeling well, but to tell the group you loved them and would see them next weekend. You heard Akechi groan when he saw Ren’s reply, which was simply a winky face emoji.

“Do you want to go on a walk before we go home?” Akechi asked, squeezing your shoulder. You nodded, and Akechi got up and repeated his actions from earlier. You exited the shop, locking the door behind you on your way out.

Akechi’s hand slipped into yours like it had a hundred times before.

Before, when you and Akechi had danced around the nature of your relationship, the idea of no one knowing what the two of you had troubled him deeply. Things were better now, as Akechi had taken the initiative to work on his unhealthy behaviors. Sometimes you’d still notice the way his jaw would clench when a stranger acted a little too friendly, or how his arm would wrap around you just a bit too tight.

[ It didn’t take you long to realize that Akechi was a little bit… possessive. You had been friends with Akechi for a couple months now – your late-night conversations now a norm, his presence besides you during fights a given. He was always checking if you were okay, and always wanted to be around you. You’d seen the slight grimace on his face when you talked to one of the boys in the group, especially if it was Ren.

You didn’t miss the way how sometimes he would say “my” before sweetly calling your name, or how he’d always take you to uncrowded areas to spend time together.

Still, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t you enjoyed his company. You saw through him the second you met – his artificial happiness was hiding a deeply lonely person. So, for the time being, you’d brushed it off as Akechi being insecure.

Once, Yusuke had asked you to model for an outfit he had seen in front of Akechi. By the look on his face, you’d of thought Yusuke had asked you to come over and fuck him. There was no romantic intent in Yusuke’s question – but Akechi was jealous. You accepted Yusuke’s request; you had no reason not to.

It had been a perfectly normal day with Yusuke. The outfit was an elegant, flowing white gown. Yusuke had you pull one sleeve down, exposing your shoulder. The dress hugged your hips and showed the curve of your chest, but in a way that you found sensual. It wasn’t anything you were uncomfortable with. In fact, you had felt beautiful, Yusuke’s small hums while he worked confirming that he was pleased.

During a break, you had sent a silly picture of you making a face in your group chat. Everyone had responded by saying how cute you looked, even with the silly expression. Akechi, however, had responded with something that slightly embarrassed you, a sweeping text of how you were the definition of beauty. The attention did make you feel good, even if his message had been cheesy.

You bit your lip, considering a risky move. Maybe you could send him a personal picture. Nothing too crazy – just a little more… personalized. The next picture you sent was just for him, a selfie of yourself in Yusuke’s pose. Your lips were parted, your hair wrapped delicately around your shoulders, bare skin peeking through. The picture cut off so you could see just the hint of your chest. It didn’t take long for a response.

Akechi: You look ravishing.

Akechi: But I am at work, you know. I can’t be looking at things like this, what would they think?

Akechi: Let me know when you’ll be done. I’ll pick you up. Be safe.

You smiled to yourself, knowing that you had riled him up a little. A moment later Yusuke came back, and you resumed the painting, having to fight to keep the smile off your face.

A few hours later you messaged Akechi to let him know you finished. You and Yusuke exchanged pleasantries before you went to wait outside, still dressed in the gown. The night air felt refreshing on your skin, the beautiful stars above you making it even better.

Akechi’s familiar black car rolled up a few minutes later. Akechi came out to greet you before you even reached the door. You noticed how his eyes had hovered at your chest before meeting your eyes. He opened the car door for you like he always did, and then climbed back in himself.

“Thank you so much.” You said, turning to give him a smile.

“Always. Someone as beautiful as you can’t be walking alone at night.” He said, smiling back at you. You just rolled your eyes, blush creeping over your face. A few minutes passed in silence as he drove, your eyes almost drifting shut to the soft music playing over the radio.

“Are you okay? He didn’t do anything weird, did he?” Akechi said, making you jump. His voice sounded a little off.

“Oh no, I’m fine. Just tired.” You replied. “Yusuke was the same as always.”

Akechi nodded at your response, turning his attention back to the road. A few minutes later you pulled up to your apartment, Akechi seeming reluctant to leave. Well… maybe you could invite him in.

“Do you want to come in and have a drink?” You asked. His face brightened immediately. Once you made it inside, you turned to find Akechi giving you a strange look.

“Is something wrong?” You asked. Before you could say anything else, Akechi had gently pushed you back into the door and captured your mouth in a kiss. When you didn’t pull away, he deepened the kiss, his tongue running along your lower lip. A small moan left your mouth, and you felt Akechi press further into you.

His hand had found its way into your hair, pulling you closer to him. He broke off the kiss for a moment, meeting your eyes. “You don’t know what you do to me.” He said. You recognized the lust in his, face flushed pink. His lips met your again in another fevered kiss, tongues exploring each other’s mouths. He pulled away again and you let out a whine of frustration, low chuckle coming from his throat.

“I can’t believe Yusuke had you all to himself today.” He rasped, voice low. He placed a soft kiss on your lips before continuing.

He trailed his tongue down your jawline until he reached your neck and started placing gentle kisses on it. You wrapped yours arms around him now, pushing his hips flush to yours. He pulled away again. “No one should see you like this. You’re too beautiful.” He whispered before returning to your neck. You could feel the noticeable bulge in his work pants, and you shifted yourself even closer to him. His lips pulled off for you a moment as he let out a strained moan before returning to his ministrations, lips now sucking and nipping at your skin.

He deepened his efforts, his bites making you shudder now. You knew you would have marks tomorrow. Really, you didn’t even know Akechi had it in him to do things like this.

“Goro,” You whined, and you felt his mouth leave your neck. “You’ll cover me in marks.”

He stood up and looked you into eyes, his free hand coming to rest under your chin.

“That’s the point, my dear.” He said, giving you one of those dazzling smiles. “Everyone will know that you’re mine.”

He pulled away, leaving you dazed. His words should have bothered you, but you were still in a state of bliss.

“Now,” he said, gently grabbing your hand. “I’ll get us those drinks. I’m sure you must be tired.” ]

But now, when you would remind him that you loved him and that you weren’t going to leave him, he’d apologize. You had helped him reroute his unhealthy behaviors to other outlets, reminding him that he needed to take care of himself too.

When his hand met yours now, it was a gesture of love.

ADD MORE

[ The first time you felt your heart break, it was because of him.

You didn’t want to believe it. No. NO. They were wrong. You pleaded with them, begged them. He would never do this to them. To you. Ren had put his hand on your shoulder, and told you that he was sorry, so sorry, but this is how things were. How things would have to be for the greater good. How the Phantom Thieves were going to be betrayed. You wanted to scream. But still, you held on, waiting with hope that they were wrong.

You held yourself together when you met up before the Casino infiltration. Your heart pounded when you looked at Akechi. He was acting normal, so normal that you wanted to shake him and ask him what he was doing. Was he really going to do this? Why? You jumped when you felt his hand graze your back, his voice soft.

“Don’t worry.”

You couldn’t even look at him, and he didn’t press you further. Did he know what you knew? No, of course not. He had been outsmarted, and he didn’t even know it.

Akechi had insisted on being on the team, and Ren conceded. You volunteered as well, much to Ren’s concern. Makoto had joined as well. He was right to be concerned – your fighting was off, your mind frazzled. He took you to the side and asked if you wanted to sit out for a bit, but you refused. Your nails dug into your skin as you spoke in hushed tones with Ren, pleading. Akechi gave you two a curious look.

If Akechi had wanted to say something, he didn’t. Instead, you watched as he took hit after hit for you during battle. You felt his gaze on you as you explored the palace, his hand occasionally brushing yours. Every touch felt like another dagger in your heart. How could he do this?

It didn’t take long to complete the palace. The calling card was sent as planned, and the dread in your heart felt even heavier.

The battle was tough, Akechi still taking hits for you, fighting as if it were his sworn duty to protect you. You wanted to cry.

When the treasure emerged, you allowed yourself a smidgen of hope, that maybe it wasn’t true. The group had to split, Ren giving you a knowing look as you insisted on going with Akechi. A look that told you it was true, that this was hopeless. You just grit your teeth and followed Akechi, his emotions still not betraying him.

He stopped, turning to face you. He looked sad.

“It’s true, then.” You said flatly, looking at him. His expression didn’t change.

“I’m sorry.” Akechi said, stepping close to you and wrapping his arms around you. You felt his heartbeat, quick and erratic. You wanted to scream, to hit him, but you couldn’t. You just stepped away, wrapping your arms around yourself.

“Why?” Your voice was hoarse, your eyes now on the verge of tears.

He was silent for a moment. “I can’t tell you that.”

“Of course.” Your heart was pounding now, every muscle in your body telling you to run.

“If you come with me, I can still protect you.” He said, his voice sounding weak now.

“Never.” You replied. You looked at him, fire burning in your eyes. You loved him, you hated him. “You lied to us. To me.”

“I—” He started, but you interrupted him.

“No. No.” You were crying now, starting to fall apart. “Fuck. Was everything a lie?”

He tried to step towards you again, but you pushed back against him. He winced at your rejection.

He opened his mouth to speak again, but you couldn’t bear to hear it.

“Just stop. STOP.” You cried out. You turned to leave and felt his hand grab your wrist, his grip tight.

“Please.” He said, his voice cracking. “Don’t leave.”

You turned to look at him, his hand still tight on your wrist. You looked at him, anger coursing through your veins. You loved him. You hated him. You couldn’t say anything.

“I need you.” He pleaded, trying to pull you closer. You dug your heels in, refusing to give him the satisfaction. “Only I can protect you.”

“You already failed, Goro.” You hissed at him, his hand finally releasing your wrist. You looked at him one last time before turning and running, his desperate shouts echoing behind you.

It didn’t matter anymore. ]

ADD A LOT MORE OOPS SKIPPING A BUNCH BUT I HAD AN IDEA FOR THE LAST PART

“Is this okay?” He murmured, fingers playing with the hem of your shirt. His lips were close to your ear, breath tickling your ear lobe. You nodded, but Akechi didn’t move yet. “Please, tell me what you want.”

You could feel his lips curl into a smirk against your ear. Devious bastard.

“Goro, please… t-touch me.” You said, voice wavering. He made a hum of satisfaction in response, his fingers dipping under your shirt now and hand running gently over your chest. Your breath hitched in your throat as he maneuvered his other hand under, his soft hands running freely over you now. His fingertips played with the edge of your bra.

“Do you want me to keep going?” He said. You nodded again. He didn’t press you for an answer this time as his hands slid underneath your bra, giving you an experimental squeeze. His fingers brushed across your nipples, thumb lingering over them. You felt him shift underneath you.

“Could I take this off?” He said, lips against your neck now. You felt safe like this, his body surrounding you.

“Yes.” You replied. His hands left your bra and moved to take off your shirt, gently pulling it over your head and placing it neatly to the side. He brushed your hair to one side, placing a kiss on the back of your neck.

“Ah, you’re wearing my favorite.” He said, pressing another kiss to your neck. “It’s almost a shame to take it off.”

“add more” You replied, twisting in his lap to face him. He was watching you with rapt attention as you moved your hands behind your back, unhooking your bra. You slowly slid it off, placing it on top of your shirt. He was speechless for a moment, taking time to watch your chest rise and fall.

“add more” You said, smirking at him. You turned back around, pressing your back against him again. He was warm against your back.

“You’re stunning.” He said, hands wandering back up your exposed body to caress you. There was no pretense with him in private. He said what he meant. For this, you appreciated him. He gently grabbed both your breasts again, fingers taking the time to play with your nipples. A squeak came out of you as he rolled your right nipple between his fingers, testing. You pressed your back into him, his hardness even more evident now.

“Do you like this?” He said, voice low. His other hand began to play with your left nipple, shiver jumping through your spine. You moaned quietly in response, and you felt his chest rumble as he chuckled. “I’ll take that as a yes, hm?”

#misc.txt #wip #persona 5 #violence cw #not sfw #goro akechi #UNFINISHED

27 notes · View notes

myeviltwinskippy · 3 years ago

Text

Skippy sez:

1. Don’t approach a female whom you don’t know with the INTENT talking to her about the two of you hooking up or dating or whatever.

WOMEN are INVARIABLY NOT INTERESTED in random males approaching them.

The EXCEPTION is IF THEY have made eye contact with you (without looking disgusted) and hold it for at least a three-count. Even then it’s the first of several steps without any guarantee.

Learn to accept “No!” WITHOUT asking 😭😭 “Why?”😭😭

Hundreds of thousands ~ maybe millions of you born males have listened to and followed the advice of..MALES...ranting at you what WOMEN WANT!

After following their advice about doing the opposite of what Skippy is suggesting, you fail to connect repeatedly. Then complain endlessly about being rejected by women.

Skippy can’t believe he’s had to write the above

Or this:

2. Why aren’t you following what women themselves have presented about what they want? It’s literally on all social media, all dating apps, in magazines, in bookstores.

3. BEYOND getting your info from the female SOURCE, there exists in all its glory the pre-social media worldwide method which involves a network of men and women who are your family, school chums, co-workers, or share your group activities.

All the time there is an ongoing conversation amongst some of them, “do you know a guy we can introduce to ______ She is attractive, smart, funny but can’t find anything but creeps on social media or the club scene.”

That’s how my parents met. How I met half the the women I dated before marrying.

But when I was asked the “do you know question”, I would mentally run through the faces of 50 guys I might know who were single and age appropriate, I could never could come up with more than two that I would risk recommending.

That was the extent of guys I could trust not to screw up ~ probably on their first date. The others likely would screw up and by doing so screw up my current relationship.

If you aren’t being approached by family/friends/co-workers at least once a year to see if you would be interested in dating someone they know, then that’s THEIR evaluation of you.

Do better. Women watch all the true sex crime serial killer movies on ID and LMN to identify you before you get too close. Identify males who explode in rage when rejected.

Feel free to curse, block, unfollow me. But before you do

3. Did any of the locker room braggadocios or Life Coaches suggest you read up on Lesbian sex techniques? If not, why didn’t they?

Do you think these males have actually been with a woman and participated in her experiencing multiple orgasms?

Very difficult for her to have multiple orgasms unless if her partner isn’t very good at oral sex. Most lesbians are good and they and their partner have multiple orgasms. Repeatedly. Across decades.

As a male you can do everything a Lesbian can do and then bring in your Moby Dick at the end.

You will never be as good as a Lesbian. They play for the home team and can read the signals from the third base coach.

But a valiant effort by you will have your partner’s inner cheerleader yelling encouragement.

4. “All cats are grey in the dark” means you have sex with every sense organ but your eyes.

Good in bed doesn’t involve body morphology, haircolor, clothing, bling, or what your friends think of her.

A truism that applies to all facets of a mutually satisfying relationship. Even short term. Even a one-night. Why wouldn’t you want to form a good memory for both of you.

5. One Famous Life Coach with a gadzillion followers.

A doctor who rage-cries that Macho Macho Men’s important but under appreciated work building cities and defending weak women has become eclipsed by weak weak feminine caregivers deserving less recompense but somehow being over appreciated in 2021.

Y’all realize his doctorate is in clinical psychology a...caregiver...profession.

Which in Canada and the US has seen an explosion of women doctorates so that 2/3 of the profession is female.

75% of all papers published in the profession’s peer review journals are about women’s issues.

Perhaps some...bitterness is being expressed at under appreciation? And an eclipse?

Feel free to rant but, candidly, I don’t read comments. So I won’t be responding.

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karaliswrites · 5 years ago

Text

Cold

I wrote this really late so it’s probably terrible and full of mistakes. Contains spoilers

~~~~

Lio has been lying to Galo for months now. Well, it’s not necessarily lying, he's just omitting the truth. The truth that each and every night he shivers himself to sleep, despite the heavy blanket Galo gave him. He sleeps on the couch and it leaves his back sore in the morning, but he doesn’t mind. Galo offered him the empty space in his own bed many times when he first moved in, but after countless rejections, he just gave up trying.

Lio’s tried to sneak some clothes from the laundry to provide him extra warmth, but one time this little secret was revealed. He had slept through the alarm he set to wake up before Galo to change out of the blue-haired man’s clothes, and he was caught practically swimming in an old t-shirt of his. His face had turned crimson and he had quickly pulled off the shirt and chucked it at the smiling man’s head. After that incident, Lio was hesitant to steal any more of Galo’s clothes.

So every night he struggles to fall asleep and to stay asleep. Some nights he doesn’t sleep at all, and he knows Galo can tell by the way he sends him worried glances every few minutes at work. But he doesn’t tell Galo about his problem. He’s the ex-leader of the Mad Burnish and he’s been through far worse than a little chill. Even though this is much more than just a little chill. With the Promare gone, the entire world is like ice to him. But he can handle it on his own.

It’s October and Lio’s wrapped tightly in two blankets, an extra for the change in the weather. But still he finds himself trembling. He tries to stop his teeth from chattering, but to no avail. He snuggles deeper into the little warmth he gets from the blankets, and he can’t help thinking how pathetic he is. A few months ago he was leading the Mad Burnish and trying to stop Kray’s plans, and now he’s shivering despite being wrapped in two blankets, his eyes red and burning from lack of sleep. He hasn’t slept more than two hours straight in days. He’s been waking up with a frozen nose and icy skin.

Maybe that’s what has him standing and rubbing his arms as he walks towards Galo’s room. The door is slightly ajar and he nudges it open, peeking inside to see his friend soundly asleep. He’s not even wearing a shirt. Lio doesn’t understand how he isn’t a literal block of ice, but he figures Galo isn’t used to the warmth of the Promare like he is. He shivers and a jolt of cold shoots down his spine. He bites his lip as he moves towards the bed, his stomach churning. He stands there a moment, looking at Galo’s peaceful face. Strands of his hair fall across his forehead and Lio gets an overwhelming urge to sweep them away, but he stops his hand midway. He pulls it back to wrap around himself and tries to steady his shaking as much as possible. “G-Galo . . . ,” he whispers, but the man doesn’t stir. He swallows.

“Galo,” he says louder and he shifts. “G-Galo, wake u-up.”

His eyes squeeze tightly shut before they open, revealing that stunning teal. “Lio?” he asks groggily, wiping the sleep from his eyes. “What is it?”

He’s visibly more awake as he says this, sitting up as his gaze becomes clearer and his speech less slurred. “Is something wrong?”

Lio holds himself as still as he can possibly muster, but he still feels his muscles spasming. “Do you have an e-extra blanket?” he says softly, afraid if he speaks any louder he’ll lose control of his voice. Galo’s brow furrows slightly. “You’re still cold with two?”

His tone isn’t bitter. It’s more concerned. Lio shifts, feeling himself shudder as the movement breaks his resolve. “A l-little,” he mutters, wrapping his arms tighter around himself.

“Well, c’mere.”

Lio looks at him like he’s crazy as he extends his arms towards the blond. He feels his cheeks start to warm. It’s a pleasant sensation. “Wh-what do you mean?” he finds himself stuttering and Galo just smiles wider.

“I mean c’mere.”

Lio takes a shaky step forward, expecting Galo to scoot back, but he doesn’t. When Lio’s close enough, Galo grabs him around the middle and pulls him on top of him. Lio gasps at the sudden rush of cold air that whizzes past him, and when he comes to a halt on Galo’s chest, he hits his shoulder softly. “Galo!”

“You’re like ice,” he remarks and Lio huffs.

“How exactly is this helping?” he asks, trying to hide his slowly reddening cheeks behind his hair. But Galo’s hold on him is firm and he can’t do much to hide his face. “I’m keeping you warm with my burning soul!” he says cheerfully and Lio groans.

“Right.”

“Hey, it’s helping, isn’t it?”

He’s suddenly very aware of the fact that his fingers are pressed against Galo’s exposed chest and he’s definitely blushing now. Galo is practically radiating with heat, curse him, and Lio feels himself shiver as his warmth thaws his chilled bones. He lets out a sigh and melts into Galo’s arms, laying his head on the firefighter’s chest. “You are pretty warm . . . ,” he admits. He can’t see him, but he knows Galo’s smiling. “I told you! It’s my burning soul!”

Lio makes a pathetic sound as he snuggles further into Galo’s warmth and he thinks he hears the blue-haired man’s breath hitch. He lies there for a moment, basking in his body heat, until his human heater speaks up. “Were you this cold last night too?”

Lio doesn’t respond, his fingers sliding over Galos’ chest and shoulders absentmindedly. “Lio.”

“I . . . I’ve been cold this entire time . . . ,” he finally admits. “All the m-months I’ve been here. I’m not used to life without the Promare to keep me warm . . . .”

Galo is silent for a long moment. “Is that why you look so tired at work?”

Even though Galo is the biggest idiot on the face of the earth, he’s not really that dumb. He’s actually a lot smarter than anyone gives him credit for. “Yeah . . . those nights were really bad. Sometimes I couldn’t get any sleep at all.”

“What?” Galo exclaims, grabbing his shoulders and Lio raises his head. His heart stutters at the expression on his face, full of concern laced with what looks a little like heartbreak. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve let you come in here with me if I knew you were suffering through that.”

He suddenly feels very ashamed of not telling Galo and his stomach sinks a little. “I’m sorry,” he mutters, his eyes fixed on Galo’s collarbone. “I didn’t want to be a bother . . . .”

“Lio,” he says and the blond can’t help looking back into those beautiful teal eyes of his. “You aren’t a bother. I opened my apartment to you. It’s yours too. And I’m here for you, okay? Always. I want to help you if you need something. I’d give you the last clean spoon so you could eat your ice cream, man.”

Lio can’t help the giggle that escapes him at that. “What?! I would!” Galo cries, but he’s smiling too. He draws a design on his bicep. Something similar to a heart. “That’s very sweet of you,” he replies, half-jokingly. “You know I can’t live without my ice cream. Especially when I constantly feel like I’m in subzero temperatures.”

“Hey, it’s always best to eat ice cream when it’s cold outside.”

Lio gives him a look. “What?”

“You idiot,” he says, looking at him like he’s lost his mind. “You don’t eat ice cream when it’s cold.”

“Why not?” Galo asks genuinely. Lio can’t believe they’re having this discussion right now. “Because it’s cold.”

“So?”

“What do you mean so?”

“I think it’s good!”

Lio shakes his head. “There is seriously something wrong with you.”

Galo pouts and Lio wishes he could kiss it from his lips. He suddenly remembers a question he’s been meaning to ask for months. “Another thing that proves there’s something wrong with your brain,” he says, gently flicking Galo’s forehead. “If there even is one in there,” he mutters beneath his breath, to which Galo cries out indignantly. Lio fixes him with a smug gaze, unable to keep the smirk off his face. “Where did you learn to do CPR?”

“I . . . learned at Burning Rescue . . . .”

“Did they teach you to use tongue?” he asks teasingly, dragging a finger over Galo’s collarbone. His face turns bright red and Lio smirks, thinking he’s adorable. “U-Uh . . . ,” he stutters and Lio’s heart does so as well. “W-Well . . . it’s uh . . . .”

“It’s what?” Lio asks, leaning slightly closer to Galo’s face, feeling his heartbeat pounding against his chest where they touch. He quickly looks around before his gaze returns to lilac eyes. “I-It’s Burning Rescue procedure!”

Lio raises an eyebrow. “Oh really?”

“Y-Yeah!” he says quickly and Lio smirks.

“Do you always whimper when you do CPR too?”

“Y-Yes! It’s . . . good for . . . c-calming me down. R-Releasing a sound is good for expelling e-energy.”

“Oh, it had the opposite effect on me,” he purrs, stretching out a little on top of Galo. “I was quite excited hearing you make those sounds.”

Galo turns impossibly redder and Lio’s stomach is doing somersaults. “I wonder if I could make you make those sounds again . . . .”

“Yes,” Galo says suddenly and Lio thinks he hadn’t meant to. He glances away nervously and Lio has to try very hard to keep himself from saying ‘cute’ aloud. “Oh really? And what would I have to do to make that happen?” he asks mocking innocence and Galo opens his mouth before closing it again. His chest is rising and falling much more shallowly and Lio tilts his head slightly. “Looks like you’re having a bit of difficulty breathing there, Galo. Maybe I have to do CPR on you.”

Galo swallows thickly and Lio inches closer. “Maybe I’ll have to try the Burning Rescue technique while I’m at it,” he says, his lips brushing Galo’s as he speaks. Before the firefighter can respond, he leans the rest of the way forward, connecting their lips once more. Just like the rest of him, Galo’s lips feel like flames. He runs a hand over his burning skin to tangle in blue hair, gently slipping his tongue between Galo’s lips like he had done to Lio months before. He releases a sweet noise and Lio’s stomach somersaults at the sound, urging him to kiss him — sorry, do CPR on him — for the rest of time. Galo’s lips are soft and eager and welcoming and Lio feels like he’s drowning. Drowning in flames. His mind is blank and the entire world fades away as their tongues dance slowly in Galo’s mouth. Lio lets out a small moan, feeling himself starting to fade as exhaustion rudely interrupts his very important resuscitation.

He pulls away reluctantly, leaving both of them panting slightly. Galo gives him a crooked grin that has his heart skipping beats. “Wow . . . you’re really good at that . . . .”

“Well, I learned from the best,” he smiles, lightly pecking the tip of Galo’s nose. He lies down on his chest and lets out a sigh that takes all the tension in his back and shoulders with it. He melts into a puddle in Galo’s arms and presses a sleepy kiss to his collarbone. “We should get some sleep though.”

“We should. Sleep is good. Especially for my boyfriend.”

Lio’s entire body is set ablaze at that word and he lifts his head. “Boyfriend?”

Galo’s face falls. “I-If that’s okay. I . . . I really really like you and I-I thought —”

Lio silences him with a soft kiss. When he pulls away, he gives Galo a smile. “I really really like you too, dumbass.”

He can practically see the fear fade from his face and he smiles a little wider. “So it’s okay. It’s more than okay.”

He settles back into Galo’s arms and another sigh dances over his boyfriend’s skin. His boyfriend . . . .

He feels himself start to drift and he lets his eyelids fall heavily shut, thankful for the sweet relief from their exhausted burn. “Wow,” Galo’s voice pulls him from the beginnings of sleep. “Lio Fotia is my boyfriend.”

He giggles. “Yes,” he mumbles, pressing a soft kiss to Galo’s neck. “Now get some sleep, you idiot.”

“Okay,” he replies, wrapping his arms tighter around the blond. Lio hums and snuggles into Galo’s warmth, feeling himself start to fade. He’s lulled by the pattern of his breathing and the soft thud of his heartbeat, and soon he’s overcome with the wonderful embrace of sleep.

#writing #my wrtiting #galo thymos #lio fotia #promare #galolio #galo x lio #lio x galo #fanfiction #fanfic #i forgot how i tag things on here #hello hi im not posting thus awful thing instead of sleeping what #whatre you talking about

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awesomeshadowedninja · 5 years ago

Text

After All These Years (All Might x Reader)

Hi guys, this is part 2 to A Hero’s Sacrifice, if you haven’t read it please do. But, you don’t have to. That’s just at All Might’s point of view. Anyways, yeah. I just want to post these stories because they keep me up at night and it’s like I have to write them down. This one’s a little longer though.

Warnings: None.

Summary: You are still in love with the number one hero after fifteen years of his departure until life decided you two aren’t quite finish yet.

“Can you believe it? The great All Might, number one hero, is- I can’t believe it! What’s left of a great man is nothing but a scrawny and weak man! Can you see this? His true form!” Tears fell from your eyes as the camera zoomed in on the beaten, bloody and broken All Might. The man that broke your heart. But even to this day, there were feelings there that were strong and vivid. How could you stop loving him? His face was literally everywhere, taunting and reminding you of the pain. But you pushed those feelings aside and worried for the blonde haired blue eyes man. You were concerned and already analysing the wounds on his body, they were very serious.

That was the day that All Might could finally be Toshinori Yagi.

The day you thought would perhaps hate and forget about him.

But, boy were you wrong.

For the next few weeks, his face appeared everywhere. His beautiful skinny and lanky form was the headline on every newspaper article, blog, tv show, truck, busses, trains. It was everywhere. That was the part of him that made you love him the most. Made you want him. Don’t get me wrong, the muscles and firm weren’t ugly but when he revealed to you Toshinori Nagi, you knew it was a sign of his trust.

Glaring at the picture on your phone, rage bubbled inside of you as you remembered the words written on that damned piece of paper. ‘I don’t love you anymore.’ At first you cried for days and tried and tried to call the man but he blocked you, literally blocked you out of his life. Shunned and rejected all your efforts of seeking security and comfort. It tormented you of how you weren't enough for the great hero. Nothing about you wasn’t good enough. All your love and dedication wasn’t enough for the man to stay.

In fact that was a constant insecurity of yours during your relationship with the Toshinori Yagi. To which he would prove with smooth and silky whispers of why he loved you, why he wanted and needed you. Then seal it when a long night full of passionate love making.

But you understood, one day you weren’t worth it anymore.

You were plain.

To be honest you were really mundane. You didn’t even have the uniqueness of being quirkless, instead stuck with a quirk of rapid healing abilities through a kiss but it only stretched that far. You worked a normal job, being the owner of a small restaurant that swerved traditional japanese food with the odd American dish. In fact, that’s how you met All Might. He was a regular customer that came to eat once a week. But since your restaurant was on the poorer and less populated side of town, not a lot of young people came, only the old folk who looked for somewhere peaceful and homie, kept your business going. Until one night, All Might decided to ask you if you’d join him and of course you did - after the blushes and stutters - and from then on, every Friday night he ate dinner with you.

Hell, even the way you met was ordinary. Toshinori didn’t save you from an evil super villain or clash into you as you were walking down a busy road.

That was probably why he left because you were boring.

All the thoughts caused you to throw the phone away as you flopped on your bed, pondering back into the past. It wasn’t healthy to dwell so much on the times of fifteen years ago, but you couldn’t help it. You were still fiercely in love with him.

You tried to move on.

Dated a few guys over the years, even got married once but it still wasn’t the same.. There wasn’t the spark. The chemistry. It was as if you just settled for them because they were there. And they didn’t make you laugh or smile or feel the way Toshinori did.

He was so different.

Passionate and determined.

It was ride or die with him.

After several hours of tossing and turning, reminiscing on the past, you decided to go for a walk. Maybe a stroll would help tire you out and give you a better place to think. Instead of the plain yellow walls of your lonely house that reminded you of All Might. So, grabbing the warm coat that hung up on your wall and slipping into your shoes, you left the house and stepped into the bitter cold of the early morning.

The morning you woke up to find the empty house and bed, you thought it was one of All Might’s supposed to be funny pranks. But after calling and waiting patiently all day for the man, you still had hope. Still believed it was a prank. Until months later, you realised he wasn’t coming back. He was gone.

To say it broke you was an understatement.

It shattered your soul. The very fibre of your being at the time was taken over by pain, grief and sorrow like someone had punched a hole into your heart. There were many days and nights of laying on your couch watching television with all the channels that did not have All Might on it. Wasting your days away. Everywhere you went, there was his smile that tortured you. Saying how happier he was without you. How much he was doing fine without you. That he really meant that he didn’t love you.

You started to have nightmares of him. Some were sweet, like a dream but then you’d wake up and become crushed by the brutal honesty of reality. To wake up alone and cold. Empty bed. Empty room. Empty house. Even on the nights when there was someone next you. You even dreamt of memories you had of him, the ones that you were fond of. Like the one where you were able to watch him train with some other heroes. Although no one really understood why you were there or why All Might escorted you, according to your Toshinori it was because you were a huge fan that won a pass of somesort. But the truth of the matter was that you wanted to see him train. Begged and pestered All Might for weeks, until he finally caved. You could still hear his laugh ringing in your ears or the words of encouragement he gave his fellow heros or the way he’d scream-

“Plus Ultra!” Yeah, it sounded exactly like that.

Without warning a sudden slab of concrete started falling down rapidly on top of your frame. You were taken aback for a second because these situations don’t happen to people like you. Opening your mouth to scream, a sudden flash of green came into view and you caught the glimpse of a boy no older than 15 punching the slab to nothing but rubble.

“Everything’s going to be alright now...because I’m here.” And within seconds I was suddenly sitting on a bus stop further away from where the debris was falling and I watched the flash of green, pummel a villain across the sky and far away. I was shocked and taken back.

“W-what just happened?” Inquiring to myself, I noticed the boy that just saved my life plummeted to the ground and was clearly unconscious. “Oh no.” As if on instinct my body moved and quickly let the boy fall on me before he hit the solid ground which would surely have broken a few bones. “Ow.” Grumbling under my breath, I quickly held the boy and checked to see if he had any injuries. But it seemed his arm was bruised but not broken. “I should call the cops and ambulance.” Muttering to myself, I reached for my phone and dialed the police’s number and looked down at the boy as if he’d suddenly die.

“...All Might…” The freckled kid muttered under his breath and I froze. Remembering the flash of green and what he said as he saved me from my death. It reminded me of him. Toshinori Yagi. All Might. The power, the smile, the determination. All of it reminded me of him. And the next thing I knew, I carried the boy on my back and headed back to my place to tend to his injuries.

What are you doing? You should call the police and let the ambulance take care of him. Biting my bottom lip nervously, I eyed the teenager lying on my couch with no injuries , just obvious signs of exhaustion. What is wrong with you? Just because he reminds you of All Might doesn’t mean you should have taken the kid. Hell, this is considered a kidnapping. I let out a sigh but still didn’t make a move to call the police or ambulance, the only way I was going to calm my nerves was to cook.

Yes, perfect idea.

Cook your problems away.

Soon enough the teen woke up from his slumber just in time for a hot meal, where I could thank and explain the situation. This is so stupid. I am a thirty one year old woman and here I was acting from my feelings like a little high school girl. Baka.

“How do you like it? Is it good enough?” Asking the male with a small smile, he scratched the back of his head and nodded politely. Eagerly bouncing his head up and down. “I know this may seem strange, that I suddenly brought you back to my place. Please don’t take it the wrong way. You, you just reminded me of someone and...you can call your parents or police if you want to.” Bowing my head in shame, I felt my cheeks redden out of embarrassment.

“N-no it's fine. In fact you saved me back there, I would be in trouble right now if you didn’t save me. Not just from the police, but from my Mother but also my men-teacher. I’m not really supposed to be beating up villains.” His cheeks turned red as he admitted the truth but I laughed. It’s been awhile since I had company. It was nice really. “But I couldn’t stop myself, there were no heroes around and I was there. And my body is just...it…”

“It moved as if on instinct. Like you didn’t have to think but instantly reacted like you were meant to be there.” I finished the young aspiring heroes question while slurping up the noodles and soup in my bowl. He widened his eyes and nodded proudly and happily.

“Y-yeah! Exactly that. Say, were you a hero?” I laughed at his idea and nearly choked on my food. Me? A hero? Oh no, I did not like violence of any sort. Small or big. It wasn’t just in my nature. That’s why I am the way I am. Normal.

“Oh no, no, no. Someone really close to me would tell me stories of what it was like being a hero.” A proud grin itched my lips as I recalled the nights where I wouldn’t be able to sleep and would ask Toshinori to tell me what it was like. He’d hold me close and gush about the feeling. It almost made me want to be one, just to understand that thrill. That primal drive and instinct.

“Woah! Sugoi. He sounds like a great man.” Something sparkled behind his innocent doe eyes. I watched as he dug into the hot meal in front of him like he hadn’t eaten at all. It was hard to believe that an innocent kid like him had a dangerous and deadly power.

“Yeah, the greatest.” I muttered under my breath and smiled. “What’s your name kiddo?”

“Hmm…” The freckled kid quickly swallowed the food in his mouth and gave me a warm smile. “My hero name is Deku but my real name is Izuku Midoriya.” Izuku Midoriya huh? I’m gonna remember that. The boy who saved my life with a smile. I nodded and continued to eat my meal.

Midoriya and I chatted for a while, he told me about his aspirations and dreams of becoming the number one hero like All Might. He also showed me a notebook full of different heroes and their weaknesses and strengths, along with some of his friends from his school. He was going to be a fine hero. I thought as I listened intently into the things he was saying. So fiery and youthful. It really has been a long time since these walls heard another’s laughter and voice. I was grateful. He helped clean up and even stayed a little while longer just to talk with me. I’m pretty sure he could tell I was a lonely woman by the evidence of no other person living in the house. No photos. No other shoes. No mess. I felt kinda embarrassed but pushed those feelings aside.

“You know- I mean who’s this?” Midoriya suddenly questioned and held a picture frame of a old photo of me and Toshinori, in his original form and we were both smiling and happy. A sudden pain hit my chest at the sight. I’m sure I hid that photo.

“Oh that…” I stared at the picture. It was our first official date where he took me out to a festival night as Toshinori and we decided to leave the mass crowd to go walk by the beach. I took the photo since I had a polaroid camera back then. We were both younger. “That’s just an old picture of a man I loved once.” Still loved.

“Oh...what happened?” Midoriya really seemed interested and intrigued which took me by surprise. When I was his age, I grimaced at the idea of romance finding it completely boring. Mind you, I was a late bloomer. My childish, naive and innocent ways of thinking still seeped in from time to time, even at this age.

“Uh, it just didn’t work out. He wanted to follow another path that didn’t involve me in it.” Answering honestly, a few tears slid down my cheeks as the memory of the still adamant turmoil stung me once again. But I quickly wiped the tears away and politely took the photo off of the young boy to put it away.

“I’m sorry.” Midoriya apologised as if it were his fault. But I laughed and shook my head. He pouted his bottom lip as if he knew something was up, tears burning at the corners of his eyes. This kid was really emotional. He wiped his tears away with the back of his sleeve. “I just...I know someone that went through that.” Midoriya replied and I gave him a sympathetic smile, pulling him into my arms as a way to say, it’s not your fault.

“It’s okay. It’s really okay. It’s not your fault.” He was strange. I thought and pulled away at the sound of someone knocking at the door. “That must be your teacher.” I piped up and watched as his eyes widened in shock. Attitude completely changed. I then turned to answer the door, because it would be rude to leave a guest standing outside in the cold.

“W-wait...there’s something I need to te-” Midoriya attempted to irk at me but it was too late, another familiar deep and silky smooth voice interrupted. My heart dropped at the sound. The sound I’ve been longing for, for years. I stood in shock as I saw the familiar mop of blonde hair although rough and messy, he still looked like the old him. I was lost for words and was in complete shock.

“I deeply apologise for my student’s behaviour. Please forgive him, it was my fault that I didn’t keep a closer eye on the young boy. I apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused. I am very very so-”

“T-toshinori..” I whispered just above my breath so that the male could hear, I watched his whole body tense and freeze on the spot.

Fifteen years I waited for your return.

Fifteen long and miserable years of dark days and happy days.

Fifteen years of trying to move on

Fifteen years of heartache.

All the emotions over the past years suddenly caught up to me in that single moment, rage, happiness, sorrow, anxiety, depression, loneliness, shock and frustration. It all swirled inside of me like a deep ache. My body felt completely exhausted as if the lack of sleep suddenly caught up. I gripped the door knob tightly in my hand as hot tears fell from my orbs one by one, timid and slow.

Toshinori stayed bowing for a long time as if he was afraid to look up at me. Afraid to see me again after all these years. As if I had an affect on him? As if he still loved me? As if….Then our eyes locked. Brown and blue. It was like living a dream, a need that suddenly came back to life. But I didn’t expect for it to look like this. Both messy and worn out.

I let my eyes delicately study his features as if breathing him for the first time and he did the same, licking me up with his eyes like it was the first time we met. Although the years might have not done me any good, it seemed as if Toshinori had gotten even hotter. Others might disagree but I didn’t really care what others thought. I drummed to my own beat. He had more stress lines but seemed a lot more buff even in his state like this. Like he’s been working out. The irises of blue were no longer as dark as they were fifteen years ago, they seemed lighter, more sky-like instead of staring into the pools to the ocean. Hair grown darker, no longer that kind of easy going blonde but now worn out and unhealthy. He seemed exhausted. Tired. Lonely and miserable. Or maybe I was making that up. Either way it felt real. I took a step closer to the male who didn’t dare to tear his watch away. Smile now dropped into a thin line. His clothes were still baggy on him but I didn’t mind. In fact, I missed it. I missed him so much.

Fifteen long years, I waited for you.

And I should hate you.

Hate you so much.

But, I can’t.

I should.

But love is funny like that.

I even set up a whole speech of what I would say to you if we ever met, I would slap you, scream at you, give you a piece of my mind. Make you feel my pain and hurt. Make you suffer like I did. Just so you could understand how lonely I’ve been all these years. However, you didn’t seem that well put together. In fact you looked just as bad as me. You look as if you haven’t had a proper meal, a proper kiss, a proper love. These years haven’t been as great as you let on. I thought to myself as I took steady steps towards the man I gave my heart to a long time ago. His hands reached out to touch my face and touched me with so much tenderness, it felt as if he was afraid I would fall apart. Or fade. Or run. But I didn’t. Instead I jumped on Toshinori and held him like he would crumble. My arms finally embracing and feeling the familiarity of his body. Even after all these years, we still fit like two perfect pieces of a puzzle.

He held me just as tight, burying himself into me and inhaled my scent just as I did his.

I started to wail, my voice muffled by his clothes and shoulder. He heard me though. He felt it too. I felt it in the way he embraced me like Toshinori was forcing us to become one. I could feel his heartbeat against my own, fast yet finally complete.

After all these years.

#x reader #bnha #toshonori #all might #midoriya izumi #deku

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war--lords · 5 years ago

Text

Hanayome

Warnings: Female!Reader, mild family conflict, possible inaccuracy Word count: 3,648 Tagged: #hanayome Translations and important notes:

Irouchikake is a colorful variant of the bridal kimono, while shiromuku is the kind that is all white.

Norito chants are a form of Shinto prayer/incantation.

Shimenawa refers to the special rope used to signify something holy, like trees, for example.

Tengu literally means ‘heavenly dog’, but in mythology, they are portrayed to take the form of birds of prey.

This has really gotten out of hand—I know it’s not nearly as popular as my other fics, but I genuinely enjoy writing this, going so far as to stay up late and make multiple edits :’) So I hope you enjoy reading it!

Part 1 Part 3

Not long ago you were dressed in a rush with the help of at least four other miko, and now, an intricate hairstyle sitting atop your head and donning an irouchikake, you stand before the red gate, eager to make the ascent. Your garbs are especially audacious when compared to Kiku’s shiromuku: its scarlet base, just as the god Tengu demands, brings out the black-colored designs, and on top of that are auspicious imagery filled with white and outlined in what seemed to be gold thread. It appears to shine as you walk.

If Kiku looked like winter’s first snow, you looked like autumn’s burning foliage.

Your attire is the last thing on your mind, however. It never crossed your mind that you would actually climb up those sacred stairs to the Seiiki just the way you imagined it earlier, while you were half-asleep and angry. There is still a low fire kindling at the bottom of your gut, but it is more determination than vexation. You’ve hugged Kiku and your mother after you got dressed—they held you in their arms as if it would be their last time seeing you, but a part of your demeanor shows as though you were only meeting the god Tengu to talk. You’ve yet to decide if that’s a form of denial.

As for your father, you knelt before him and kept your head down for the appropriate amount of time. You don’t know what kind of face he made. You don’t really care.

Something inside you tells you that it’d be better for them without you. You hastily brush that thought away, realizing that the voice is the same one who whispers only ugly things to you. It’s not as if your fate is sealed, anyway—you’re adamant to show the god Tengu that he isn’t the only one with demands, and the first one you’ll declare is for that harrowing mark on Kiku’s neck to disappear. You won’t leave until it is done.

Then again, you’re not sure if you want to go back to the temple. Do you? Unconsciously your eyebrows knit, the first symptoms of your overthinking. You’ll deal with the problem when the problem arises, you decide. Pondering won’t be of much help.

You look back to the unmoving scene behind you: your family, standing in a row in their ceremonial garbs, followed by the whole of the temple. They are all completely still, with little to no emotion betrayed by their faces. Only Kiku appears to be misty-eyed, most likely from how downright absurd the tables turned. As your gaze falls on her you spy the red string around her neck. You choose to flash her a small smile, but you find yourself not knowing what it means. “You’ll be fine on your own”? “I’m sorry it turned out this way”? “I’ll be back”? Somehow you mean all of that and, at the same time, none of them feel right.

You spare one final glance at your parents before walking out the red gate. Despite your mild fever, your steps are wide and sure, not as fast as the vision you saw in your mind’s eye, but just as driven. The evenfall rain thins out into a light shower. Still, you have an umbrella in one hand, the traditional lantern gripped tightly by the other. The young miko from earlier follows closely behind you—she volunteered to climb again because she was “already wet anyway”, but everyone insisted that she carried an umbrella nevertheless.

If the steps aren’t so slippery you would already be running, you mentally note.

Up and up you go, feeling the air change ever so slightly with each inhale. The rustle of bamboo leaves to your left and right becomes the new silence to your ears, with only the occasional whistle of wind as an almost musical accompaniment. Rain brings out a nostalgic smell from the ground—it reminds you that your feet are still on earth, and that the soil on top of Mount Kurama the same soil on top of which the village is built.

You think that the twists and turns of the steps are rather broad compared to what it looks like from afar. In person, it feels more like a gentle change of direction, and it makes you pay more attention to the mountain, like you are feeling where the ground is level and where it slopes. Your mind maps it out almost like a human body: alive.

The thought helps especially because it feels like you are climbing a stairway to heaven.

You preoccupy yourself with the topology—anything to stave away excessive, useless rumination. You find that norito chants prove to be effective as well.

To your disdain, however, climbing a seemingly endless flight of stairs does things to your mind. It has to be quite a while since the start of your climb, and your eyes are beginning to spin from looking at the same pattern of stones many times over. The mantras lose their purpose as soon as muscle memory takes over, your lips mechanically forming the words, robbing your mind from the necessity to think it through. Your fingers adjust their grip on the umbrella and you purse your lips.

You can’t help but think about Kiku, and you briefly wonder if she thought about you too during her ascent.

It is not off the mark for you to assume that the holy steps are also a place of trial, for the things you recall about your shared childhood with Kiku seems to highlight only the darkest moments. You know that it was overall a pleasant, peaceful experience, growing up with her, but the steps… it’s as if every single bitter knot in the deepest crevices of your mind has surfaced because of it, no matter how small and ugly they may be.

She is the temperate lake to your forest fire.

Not exactly loving words coming from a father, but not exactly lies. Kiku has always been the milder one, and you know that this has led to her being more well-liked. She isn’t absolutely obedient and meek, but compared to you, she appears so. After all, you are always the one to question, accepting the argument that inevitably occurs in the aftermath. Perhaps that was why you weren’t as popular with the boys when you were young—you were close to plenty of them, but only as a friend, never a love interest.

Kiku was very popular. Still is. In fact, when that fateful arrow shot the temple roof, many brave—borderline foolish—men offered a more... confrontational kind of solution in hopes of saving her from her destiny. Your father declined, however. They would simply perish before the god Tengu and further fuel his anger, which would do the village no favors whatsoever. You remember how it was the same back in the day—a lot of boys enjoy helping out Kiku, perhaps viewing her as nothing more but a powerless pretty girl, but you were always there for her first. Subconsciously, your lips tug into a small smile.

With that many pursuers, you wonder if Kiku had any lovers. You recall some who were close to capturing her heart, but she was very young and feeble, maybe a little scared of the idea about a relationship—especially after your father found out about one particular boy she was close to and drove him off, forbidding Kiku from ever seeing him again. His family wasn’t distinguished enough in your father’s eyes, this much you understood even while you were younger. You remember feeling angry about it.

“I swear I love him,” she cried in your arms that night, “so much...”

That was probably the hardest she’s ever cried in front of you.

On the other hand, your luck was never in the romantic sphere, so to speak. There were men interested in you, but it never lasted. You had your fair share of rejecting their advances because you just thought a relationship wasn’t what you wanted, and you also had to go through some painful, confusing experiences with the man suddenly growing disinterested and leaving. It brought you an amount of self-doubt, which later on grew to become rooted insecurities that you somehow couldn’t blame on anyone.

You’re sure Kiku has her own problems to deal with, a sentiment that you think she shares. This could be largely why the two of you were never gravely jealous of each other—a level of empathy and communication led the two of you to an understanding that you are different and it’s okay.

It’s okay. The thought serves more like a promise than a statement because you feel your legs begin to ache. The repeating stone patterns seem to be all your eyes can see and it’s starting to make you sick.

Just a little more, you think, as the stairs make yet another turn.

——————————

You don’t know if it’s fatigue or fog, but by the time you reach the peak, everything seems so cloudy it looks like a dream. The air is significantly colder on top of the mountain, and you’re suddenly grateful for the many layers of your bridal ensemble—they are not made for warmth, but in its abundance you find comfort. The forest’s rustles fill the silence, though the wind isn’t as strong now.

In front of you are stairs no more, only single leveled stone path with flaming bamboo torches on its left and right despite the consistently light rain. Holy flames, you note, and the way it looks more white than gold reminds you of the arrow. There’s a faint throbbing in your chest, making you stop in your tracks for a moment.

She will climb up Mount Kurama to meet her groom and dwell in the Seiiki with him forever.

You feel the young miko’s gaze behind you, watching, perhaps in concern from your sudden inaction. You allow yourself to let out a sigh as you start to walk again.

Swiftly, the flames of the torches parallel to you disappear with a whoosh, as though they were blown away by something. You are indeed taken aback, but manage to keep your emotions hidden, continuing to walk the stone path. For all you know, there could be watchful eyes in places you can’t see—the god Tengu attracts devotees with many powers that can be used to harm mankind should he wills it.

You walk on, trying to ignore the way each torch blows out when you pass them. You look up at the sky from under your umbrella—it’s so nice to finally be able to see it again, after what seems like hours of climbing and looking down at your feet to make sure you don’t slip. The night is dark and the rain remains insistent, but you can see the clouds beginning to drift away, revealing stars that look too close to be real.

Not long after you discovering a wide clearing to what seems like a terribly unassuming, unmistakably old mansion, albeit not the kind of old that is worn throughout the years. It is the kind of old you don’t see, but feel. And yet its feeling is as plain as day, even the most spiritually detached can see it—that this is a place of utmost sanctity, one that a daughter of a head priestess such as yourself hasn’t experienced.

Shimenawa ropes are tied together from the bronze poles that surround the mansion’s court. Wordlessly, you turn around to look at the young miko—she already knows what to do, this being her second ascent within less than a day. From the bundle of cloth, she takes out a jug and a single rice ball, her meal before she returns, traversing down those same treacherous stairs to the temple. You watch as she makes herself comfortable, sitting down at a spot at the end of the path. Filled with sympathy, you wonder why she willingly undertook the task, and if you’ll ever see her again after stepping foot beyond the shimenawa.

Offering her a long bow, you take one last look at the miko—she can’t be much older than you—before bracing yourself to face the inevitable. According to the ancient decree, only head priests are allowed in the temple, but you suppose the god Tengu can bend as many rules as he wants as long as he’s the one who designed them.

You lean down to grab the rope. Holding it above and over you, you step in, both feet touching the court’s cobblestones. Nothing happens. Were you not meant to be here, how will you perish? Thunder? Fire? A flock of the god Tengu’s hawks, from the stories, descending from the sky to pierce at your flesh and gouge your eyes out?

...or maybe an arrow to the heart?

Your chest throbs yet again. The many distracting thoughts your mind conjures make you feel like your head is crowded and full, so you decide to count each step you take towards the mansion. Its obvious entrance, marked by more torches, is facing you, the symmetry of the building conveniently letting you know where to go—straight ahead.

One. Two. Three. Four. Your heart starts beating faster than it should.

The sound of your geta on the ground echoes, five, six, seven, eight, and you watch the lights in the mansion. Somebody is home. You wonder if you’ve ever been this nervous, because by the eighth, ninth, tenth step, the butterflies inside your stomach have multiplied, their wings fluttering up a storm. A minor shiver racks up your spine and you feel your fever coming back twofold. There’s cold sweat on your nape.

Eleven, twelve, thirteen. You will yourself not to look back at the young miko—has she gotten enough rest?—for fear that you will abandon your mission. But you can’t. You don’t want to. Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen steps in, and you remember Kiku’s neck, the crumpled paper from the arrow slipped in your obi, the white fire. Suddenly the butterflies are powerless, dissolving like cotton flowers on a lake. Your heart might still be beating as fast as a rabbit’s, but you feel purpose coursing through your veins.

It takes you fifty steps to reach the mansion’s entrance, and by that time you feel the fog clouding your mind has been lifted. Besides the dryness of your throat, nothing else seems uncomfortable, even the heavy irouchikake isn’t as heavy as it was at the beginning of your ascent. You’ve never felt more present, more centered and grounded. All your doubts purged by the stairs, leaving you light but not faint.

You are exactly where you need to be.

Realizing that your lantern is unneeded, you place it gently in front of the stairs towards the door. You walk up, counting each of them. Fifty-one, fifty-two, fifty-three, fifty-four.

The sliding door opens without any prompting, and you find yourself unsurprised. He is expecting a guest, after all—one that is supposed to stay forever. You look ahead, taking in the interior as much as you can without delaying your arrival too much. The god Tengu lives in the mansion of an emperor, which is arguably modest considering his godliness. A straight hallway lies in front of you, leading you to the next door.

Your chest responds as the door behind you closes, this time not a dull ache, but a more powerful shudder. Strangely enough, you don’t find it painful anymore.

——————————

Kiku is right—the room is large, a throne room for royalty. He sits in the middle, at the very end of the room, like a languid yet expectant royalty. To an unassuming person, he appears to be just as human as you are, no more than thirty years of age. He wears the finest of fabrics, the designs on his kimono lavish and grand. Like the rest of the room, he wears scarlet lots of black, including a feathery cape on his back. His seat on the carnelian dais is simple in comparison to how you imagine most thrones would look like, but it is the ceiling-high decorations and ornaments surrounding it, colored in red, black and gold, that makes it impressive.

No, that isn’t right. It is he who makes it impressive. Intimidating. Powerful.

Just like in the stories, he has a face of a hawk, except that it is a mask. It covers half of his face, revealing only his mouth and the lower part of his face to view. You notice there are no holes for his eyes to see—the only explanation is that he doesn’t need them. The swoop of the hawk’s bill forms a sharp silhouette that makes you wonder if it can cut through skin.

The mask can’t, but the real hawk on his shoulder most definitely can. It watches you with caution from its perch, its yellow eyes seemingly shining through black feathers. You notice two black dogs, one on each side, sitting just underneath his feet below the dais. Under their paws are brilliant red orbs, which look a lot like their blood eyes.

“Come closer.”

His voice booms even from so far away, and it doesn’t look like he’s trying to be loud at all. You find yourself unable to take your eyes off of him as you walk down the room. The beating of your heart in your ears are deafening on top of the silence. Is it because you are facing a god that your mortal body can’t take it? You might be filled with resolve, but it’ll meaning absolutely nothing should your heart decide to explode.

With his hands he lets you know that he wants you in front of him—he steps down from the dais, and at that moment you notice that the cape you thought he was wearing turns out to be a pair of broad wings. The air around you moves as they flap once, as if to stretch. He waits for you.

Standing in front of him, you find your self-awareness extremely heightened. He is taller than you, with wider shoulders and an unmistakable aura of inhuman authority. Despite all this, however, he does not extort any fear out of you at all. In fact, he is strangely... comforting. Like something you’ve known your whole life.

Kiku’s voice rings in your ears just then. He said your name... he wants you.

“The paper,” he says, holding out his hand. There are no echoes to his voice anymore.

You reach for the crumpled slip and took it out, giving it to him with both hands.

He receives it on his palm, and instantly the calligraphic character on it emits a strong light, beaming up holy rays to the ceiling. You feel your breath knocked out of you—your chest. It’s hot. And then, excruciating pain. Too much for you to bear, too agonizing you can’t make a sound, your mouth feebly opening in a silent scream. It spreads through your nerves and you can sense them so clearly like they’re burning paths on your skin. Your hands clutch your chest in fear of your heart bursting out of your ribcage. Tears begin to form in your eyes, closed from the sheer pain of it all.

A second later it’s over, the ‘marriage’ kanji returning to its dull ink color, and in that moment all the strength escapes your body. Everything—from the ascent, from your dream, from when the arrow first struck your home, from the years of your life before all this—they’ve all been let go from you, merely sands through your fingers. You’re about to fall face-first from the weakness in your knees but he knows, bringing you into his arms until you seem ready to stand on your own. His hands on your waist and back are pleasantly warm.

“Red looks exquisite on you.”

“Yes, but it isn’t so flattering on Kiku. Reverse that enchantment on her at once.”

“My, you’ve always been one fireball, haven’t you,” he replies with a chuckle. It reverberates from his chest to yours, and there’s something immediately calming about the sound. “It has been done,” he says, showing you the paper in his hand. It doesn’t look much different, but you can clearly notice the absence of its spiritual force. You felt it first-hand.

As you slowly depart from the security of his arms, trying to regain your bearings, you feel his hand on your forehead.

“You are still warm,” he declares, emotions unreadable from under the mask. “We shall continue this somewhere more appropriate for you to rest.” He knows you have much to discuss with him—he is a god, after all. At this point, nothing should surprise you.

“I’m fine,” you quickly say, and it suddenly strikes you that you’re not sure how to address him.

“Tengu is the name given to the people for them to worship me. To those who are in equal standing as I, I am called Nobunaga. You are my bride,” his hand wills you to look up, a finger under your chin, “thus you are my equal.”

His bride. It hasn’t sunk in yet, but somehow the title is now more palatable than when you first heard it. As if it were destined. You blink, hoping for the thought to go away. Perhaps being in close quarters with a god makes it easier for him to make you feel more inclined to his wishes?

But ‘Nobunaga’... how odd. It sounds like it could be the name of any other man in the village. You look at where his eyes are supposed to be behind the mask.

“Are you going to read my mind throughout the entirety of this meeting?”

“Only to warm you up,” he says, lips curling into a dangerous smirk. He turns around, walking towards a sliding door. With the pain in your chest completely gone, you follow closely behind.

#1.5k #hanayome #sfw #elievalentine #oda nobunaga #nobunaga x reader #reader insert #female reader #au #ikemen sengoku #ikesen #cybird #imagine #imagines #scenario

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alpha-imagines · 5 years ago

Text

Opening Up- Billy Hargrove

A/N: It’s been a while but with season 3 out my Billy inspo has been replenished! As always send in requests because this time they might actually get written haha (also I’m on mobile so excuse the poor formatting!)

“What are you waiting for?” You asked, eyes flicking away from the mirror in the sun visor and across to Billy in the drivers side “I have to be back before by mom wakes up”

“Yeah yeah I know” He replied with a sigh, turning the key in the ignition before reversing out of the quarry.

You and Billy had been seeing each other for a few weeks now, nothing more than hooking up. It started at one of Carol’s get togethers and had been going on ever since. It was summer so you didn’t have to worry about everyone in the school finding out, you had made Billy promise he wouldn’t mention it to Tommy because he’d inevitably tell Carol who’d end up telling anyone that would listen.

“Between us ok?” You said as you undid your seatbelt, gathering your bag before opening the car door.

“Got it” He nodded curtly, you seemed to say the same thing every time he dropped you off, as if you never fully believed he was capable of keeping a secret.

Billy was used to this routine by now, he’d pick you up after work, you’d drive somewhere quiet, usually the quarry, sometimes to the lake when it was a particularly hot night. More often than not you’d both end up falling asleep in the back of the Camaro after you were done, you’d wake up and Billy would drop you home. The whole situation was ideal, at least that’s what you thought.

•••

“Look I can’t stay out tonight” You explained throwing your bag into the back of the car as you pulled out the hair tie that had been holding your hair out of your face all day “I told Michelle I’d stay the night at hers”

Billy didn’t dignify your story with an actual response other than a snort of bitter laughter.

“So I mean I’ve only got like 20 minutes” You said with a small laugh, wondering why Billy wasn’t yet driving.

“Billy?” You asked, taking the time to properly look at him since you’d got in the car.

He was just staring out the windscreen, his face seemed blank but you could tell his mind seemed to be racing, you couldn’t tell if he was distracted or pissed off.

“Billy? Everything ok?”

“Fine” He replied abruptly. He was definitely pissed off.

“Ok” You said, voice unsure of whether or not you believed him “should we get going then?”

That seemed to annoy Billy even more as his hands slammed onto the steering wheel, making you recoil back in shock. You knew Billy had a temper but you’d never seen him angry at you.

“Billy?” You asked warily, you weren’t entirely sure what you’d done to anger him

“I’m not in the mood” He growled out lowly

“Ok” Your voice trailed off in reply, “You didn’t need to come pick me up you know” You said with a shy laugh

“God you really don’t get it” Billy laughed, shaking his head as he spoke

“Get what?” You asked, brows furrowing in confusion

“Jesus it doesn’t matter ok” He said, eyes averting away from yours as he started the engine “I’ll drive you to Michelle’s”

Your mind was racing with possibilities of what Billy could have meant. Maybe Billy felt like he owed you something, maybe he’d been trying to tell you he didn’t want to sleep with you anymore, maybe’s were running through your head all night.

“What is up with you?” Michelle asked kicking you lightly with her foot from her position on the other end of the sofa

“Huh?” You asked, mind snapping out of your thoughts to focus on your friend

“You’ve been distracted all night” She said, sitting up and crossing her legs underneath her

“I was just watching the movie” You lied with a shrug, pretending to return your attention to the film

“Yeah?” She asked disbelievingly “Well don’t think I didn’t miss the nice blue Camaro dropping you off” She troll you with a smirk which immediately caught your attention

“I don’t know what you mean” You feigned ignorance

“Yeah well you might think you’re being sneaky but you’re not” She deadpanned

With a little more insurance from Michelle, you told her about Billy and about the conversation you’d had in the car before he dropped you at hers.

“Oh my god” Michelle exclaimed “he totally likes you”

“Are you mad?” You cried with a laugh “I’ve literally never heard anything more ridiculous in my life”

“Why else would he come and pick you up despite not being in the mood?” She began, “and what else could he mean by you not getting it? You’re clearly oblivious”

“And you’re clearly crazy” You snorted, you may not have known what Billy meant but you were sure it wasn’t whatever Michelle thought.

You hadn’t seen Billy all weekend. Michelle’s was the Friday night and you didn’t work Saturday nights so you’d expected to see him at the lake Saturday evening when you went with Tommy, Carol and the others but he was a no show. Sunday night you’d expected to see his car outside Starcourt Mall when you finished but it wasn’t so instead you walked home, wondering what it was you’d done to piss him off so much.

You’d finished earlier on Monday night and this time you’d decided it was your turn to wait for Billy, so you’d walked to the swimming pool and took a seat on the hood of Billy’s Camaro and waited until closing time.

Billy stumbles lazily out from the pool, he looked worn out until he saw you perched on his car and he stopped dead in his tracks.

He shook his head and carried on walking towards his car.

“What’re you doing here?” He asked with a sigh, he was in two minds about seeing you waiting for him, on the one hand he was annoyed because he was supposed to be keeping his distance, to help himself get over you, but on the other hand maybe you showing up meant that you cared too.

“Well you went MIA on me so thought I’d come to you this time” You said with a laugh, sliding off the bonnet and standing in front of him

“This time? So you’re just here for a quickie?” He said, he couldn’t help the anger seeping through his words

“Well I also came to see if you’d calmed down but evidently not” You replied with a frown. You began to walk away from him before stopping in your tracks and turning back to face him.

“What did I do to make you so mad” You asked, back still turned to the boy “the past few days have felt like you hate my guts”

“Well you couldn’t be more wrong” Billy answered, he wasn’t sure whether it was because your back was turned so he wouldn’t be able to see your reaction that was making him brave enough to confess his feelings or just because he was sick and tired of not knowing if you felt the same.

“What do you mean?” You asked, slowly turning to face him

“Are you really going to make me spell it out?” He asked, he was frustrated but he couldn’t help but smirk at your cluelessness

Your dead silence told Billy that he would indeed have to spell it out for you.

“I like you” He said, matter of factly his eyes desperately scanning your face for hints of a reaction

“You what?” You choked out with a small laugh, Michelle had suggested it but you were so adamant that she was wrong you hadn’t anticipated that it could for one second actually be true.

Billy’s face fell, the reason he’d bitten his tongue for so long was out of fear of rejection and you’d pretty much laughed in his face

“Just forget it” He snapped, opening his car door and slamming it shut

“No wait!” You shouted running over to the passenger side

“Billy I’m sorry” You began “it just took me by surprise that’s all”

“Well I get the message” He huffed, unable to look you in the eyes

“No Billy” You said, placing your hand atop of his on the steering wheel “you don’t”

Billy looked at you, hope wild in his eyes as he noted the smile on your lips. Maybe opening up wasn’t so bad after all.

———————

Billy Hargrove Taglist: @hargrovesgirl

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove stranger things #billy hargrove writing #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove oneshot #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things billy

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godlydolans · 6 years ago

Text

Not Enough {e.d.}

Summary: Ethan is going through a heartbreak and Y/N is there to comfort him, but while he cries in her arms, she wonders if she'll ever be enough for him and if he'll ever return the feelings she holds for him.

Warning: Angst.

Requested: Kinda. I took inspiration from some of the concepts people sent me when I'd asked for angst prompts. Thanks guys, for being patient with me!

Ethan sits on the floor in his room, eyes blindly gazing at his open palms as his head throbs, containing so many thoughts and questions inside that small space. He doesn't know how much time had gone by since she left. He doesn't seem to recall what he did when she walked out of that door without sparing him a single, pathetic glance. He isn't even sure what he's doing on the damned floor when his bed is just an inch away from him.

All he does know is that he feels like an invisible fist is tightening over his heart and squeezing the already broken pieces so they hurt more.

"It's not you, Ethan."

He scoffs, a bitter taste in his mouth when he thinks about the words she threw at him. Typical lines everyone repeats when they have to let someone down easy. But there was nothing easy about the way she let him down. In fact, she didn't show an ounce of mercy while rejecting him.

"Listen, I've always seen you as a friend, E." She'd said, her eyes shining with sincerity and unshed tears. "I love you as a friend."

She is not a bad person, she's a gem of a person and that's why it was so god damned easy to fall for her. She had him crazy in love to the point where he had started to talk like Grayson. The whole soulmate shit was something he never believed in, unlike his brother, but ever since she came into his life, he could feel that they were made from the same stardust.

How could there be someone else made for him if it wasn't her? It was simply not possible! She is the female version of him, everyone says that. She herself knows that. There are so many similarities between them. How can she not fall for him like he did for her?

He thought the soulmate shit worked both ways? At least that's what Grayson had said when he's asked about it. Then how did it work on him and not on her?

"I can't ever look at you like that because I like your brother."

Maybe if she would've just said she didn't feel the same and left it at that, he wouldn't have felt like she tipped his world upside down. But those last words she spoke really broke him. Why did she have to go and tell him she had feelings for Grayson? Ethan would have been fine without the information. There really was no need.

His phone rings beside him for the thousandth time and he clenches his jaw. He doesn't even have to look at the caller ID to know who's calling. Y/N has been blowing up his phone for what feels like an hour but he knows it's less than that. Of course he hasn't been sitting on the floor and wallowing in his own misery for an entire hour. That's ridiculous!

Just like he's been doing with all her precious attempts of reaching him, Ethan ignores this one too. He knows that Grayson must have called her when Ethan demanded he doesn't want to see his brother's face right now. He also knows she must be really worried since he's been rejecting all her calls, but he simply wants to be left alone. Is that too much for these people to understand?

He's too vulnerable to be seen by people right now and even though Y/N is literally the only person other than Grayson that he's comfortable crying in front of, he doesn't want her to see him like this. It's only going to hurt her too. Little does he know, she is right outside his front door, calling Gray to come open the door for her since she knows Ethan wouldn't pick up.

"Where's he?" You ask urgently the moment the door opens and a very tired looking Gray appears. He immediately moves to the side, ushering you into the house since its so hot outside.

"He's in his room." Grayson replies. His fingers comb through his hair as he lets out an exhausted sigh, "He doesn't wanna talk to me, Y/N."

Your heart breaks at the gloom that has settled on Grayson's otherwise radiant face. He looks troubled and his voice shows that too as it trembles towards the end of his sentence. You both are aware of how much Ethan likes this girl. You don't think you've seen him be this into someone before and you've known Ethan for years. You have seen him with plenty of girls in all these years and you can tell this time was different.

So if you could tell, Grayson definitely can too. It has been nineteen years and the brothers have never had a serious fight over a girl, something they are really proud of. But after how Ethan refused to even look at Grayson for the whole day makes the younger twin a little worried and a lot scared. He really wants to know what is going through Ethan's mind. Is he really blaming Grayson for what happened? Did Bella really do what no other girl was able to do thus far?

"Y/N, I swear I have never looked at her that way." Grayson sounds like he's pleading his case in court and you are the Judge. "I don't know why he doesn't wanna talk to me, I didn't do anything! I didn't even know that sh-"

"Gray, I know, I know you didn't do anything." You cut off his rambling with a gentle hand on his bicep. "He's just sad right now, he knows it's not your fault."

Grayson doesn't seem convinced by what you just said. His shoulders are still tense and his eyes look sunken in. He looks tired and you wish you could look after him too.

"Have you eaten anything?" You softly enquire and shake your head in disapproval when he says no. "Go eat something while I go see how your brother is doing."

"Yes, please see if he's okay?"

"Of course, Gray." With one last squeeze on his bicep, you step away from Grayson and make your way to Ethan's room. It's so quiet in the house, all the lights are off. You are always used to seeing the colourful lights the twins installed around the house, illuminating the place when night falls and it's only this quiet here when both the boys are not at home. Tonight, it feels like even the house is silently weeping after the recent events it witnessed.

Standing in front of Ethan's door, you pause to take in a much needed breath. Your hand trembles as it goes to grip the door knob and you almost don't have the will to enter. Granted, you've done this before. You have been around to tend to Ethan's broken heart many times in the past, but each experience has sadly not lessened the pain your heart goes through when he sits in front of you and talks about other girls. You have gotten familiar with the ache of your own heart, but the pain still knocks the breath out of you whenever life slaps you in the face with signs that Ethan will never return your feelings.

You know whatever will happen on the other side of this door will leave you wounded and broken beyond what you have come here to fix, but worry for Ethan is far more prominent than worry for your own self. So you don't think twice before twisting the door knob and pushing the door open.

Usually when you open this door, you can find Ethan right away. The guy is pretty noticeable, what with his height and stature. You can usually find him sitting on the rolly chair in front of his desk, computer either displaying an intense game of Fortnite or the editing software they use for their videos. If not the desk, he will definitely be found laying on his bed, either on his phone or just sleeping like the angel he is. Today, however, you don't even see him when you peek your head inside. It's only when you roam your eyes carefully around the room, do you see Ethan's body curled up sitting against the foot of the bed. He is sitting with his head in his hands, that's why he hasn't noticed your presence in the room yet. You also notice his phone laying on the floor beside him and a pinch of hurt settles in your heart when you think about him deliberately disconnecting all your calls.

Your hand forms into a fist and you knock twice on the wooden door, causing Ethan to finally lift his head up and lock eyes with you. The second your eyes meet, you force the tiniest smile on your lips, hoping that you'll get one in return. What you do get in return is a groan with a clenched jaw and a muffled, "What are you doing here?" After he goes back to hiding his face behind his hands.

Your heart sinks.

"I mean, I know you wish someone else was here in my place, but I at least deserve a hello," you speak in a joking tone but the words really hurt when they slip from your tongue. When Ethan doesn't respond, you sigh and let yourself in because you know he wouldn't invite you in right now. "Well then, seems like I don't."

Ethan groans again and slowly lifts his head back up. It looks like he's put in a lot of effort in just turning his head and looking at you because his eyes look so tired and drained. Ethan's hair is a mess, it looks like he pulled at the roots because some pieces are standing up in different directions. The fact that he still looks dashing, doesn't surprise you though.

"Y/N, I don't want you here right now." Ethan deadpans, fixing his intense stare on you and you have the sudden urge to look away. His words are like a slap to your face and you know this was just one of the many slaps that would be coming your way tonight, if you decide to stay.

And stay you will.

"I know." You breath, daring to take small steps in the sad boy's direction, "I know that."

"Then why are you still standing in my room?" Ethan's cutting gaze forces you to halt your steps, his sharp tone ripping a new wound in your heart. For a second, you simply stand back and look at him with widened eyes. Judging from the shock that's displayed through his expression, he didn't mean to say what he said either. Or maybe he did, but he wasn't expecting it to come out as harsh as it did.

Pressing your lips together, you force yourself to take a step back. It looks like he really does not want anyone near him right now.

"I'll just be outside if you wanna talk." This time, you don't bother with a smile. Casting your gaze on the floor, you turn to walk out.

"Wait-" Ethan rushes to his feet the second he realises how harsh he was to you and a hand subconsciously reaches out to stop you from leaving. You do stop at the sound of his voice, but don't turn to look at him. He clenches his jaw in anger directed toward himself.

Ethan hates it when his actions cause you pain. He hates it more than anything else in the world and still, no matter how much he tries to avoid it, he manages to hurt you one way or another.

"Y/N, wait-fuck, I didn't mean that." Taking four steps forward, Ethan's fingers wrap around your wrist and he's ready to turn you to face him when you don't show any signs of doing it yourself. When he does turn you, he sees your eyes are closed, long eyelashes brushing against blushed cheekbones. Ethan's heart sinks when he imagines you opening them and those eyes being red-rimmed with the tears that he caused. "Y/N, I'm sorry, so sorry."

"Its okay, E." You let his misbehaviour go with a wave of your hand, finally opening your eyes when you are sure you have the tears in control. Your eyes hand on your wrist which is still in Ethan's hold. Your cheeks go warm at the feeling of his skin on yours. "I know you're upset, it's okay."

Peering up at him from under your lashes, you find him looking back at you and you immediately look away. You learnt really early on that avoiding eye contact with Ethan is the best way to avoid some of the pain. You almost never look him in the eyes and hold his gaze for more than a second. Ethan is used to you steering your eyes away when hes looking at you and even though it irks him, he doesn't say anything.

He doesn't say anything but he does tug at the wrist he was still holding, causing you to stumble into his chest so he can wrap his arms around you. You weren't expecting him to hug you so suddenly, but you don't waste a second in wounding your own arms around his neck and allowing him to engulf you in his warmth. Ethan's hugs always leave your whole body buzzing with some strange energy and the butterflies in your stomach go haywire. You don't get to have him this close to you often because Ethan is not the hugging kind of guy, although you have seen him being really cuddly with his girlfriends in the past, so maybe he is the hugging type of guy but you are not his type of girl.

Whatever it is, you don't get to be this close to him often, but the limited times you have been in his arms are enough to tell that this, right here is your favourite place in the world and if you could, you would live here forever.

"I don't deserve you." He whispers, his head pressed against your neck.

"You deserve the world, E." Your fingers dance over the nape of his neck, "If anything, it is she who doesn't deserve you."

"Don't." Ethan's body stiffens against you at her mention and he gently pulls away from the hug. You let him go half heartedly, watching him run a hand through his hair. He's the one who is avoiding eye contact now. "Its not her fault that she likes Grayson. You can't force someone to like you."

You chuckle mirthlessly, shaking your head at the irony of it all. Here he stands, the guy you fell for against your own will, the guy who doesn't love you back and probably never will and he is the one telling you about the merciless ways the heart loves. God knows if you could force it, you would force yourself to fall out of love with Ethan. You won't ever be able to force him to do anything he doesn't want to.

"So, you still want me to go away?"

Ethan scoffs and turns to walk back to his bed, "C'mere." He motions you over and you comply with a smile on your face.

And half an hour later, you find yourself laying down in Ethan Dolan's bed with him clutching onto your waist for dear life. His face is buried in your neck and you can feel hot tears fall on your skin over and over. Yes, he's crying.

Ethan Dolan is crying over this girl and you really wish she was in front of you so you could tear her a brand new one for hurting your man like this. Granted she is a good human and she didn't do anything wrong, but Ethan is crying.

And he's not your man.

"I don't understand what the fuck is wrong with me?!" He sniffles, momentarily pushing his face out of its hiding spot, which was the crook of your neck and seeing his beautiful hazel eyes red rimmed is really killing you. You wish you could take away the pain but sadly, there's nothing you can really do except for listening to him vent out his anger and frustration. "Like, why does everyone always choose Grayson over me? Why am I never good enough, Y/N?"

The words he speaks and the way he speaks them, looking so shattered like he actually believes he's any short of perfect, just makes you want to cradle him in your arms and tell him about all the different ways he makes your heart skip and speed from his mere presence. You would open up and tell him how just his name can make heat rush to your cheeks and how his deep voice can awaken goosebumps on your skin. He touches you and your skin tingles, he laughs and your face splits into a grin, he is happy and you feel like all the problems in the world are solved. You worship the ground Ethan walks on, you look at him like he hung the moon and stars in the sky. And if telling him all these things and a lot more could help with the pain he's feeling right now, you would tell him right now. But you know it won't help him. He doesn't want your love.

He wants someone else.

"Can I ask you something? Promise you'll be honest?"

You nod.

"Why does no one ever love me?" Ethan sighs, his head falling against his pillow now instead of your neck.

"People love you, E! What are you talking about? Your mom loves you, your sister loves you, your twin loves you and your dad and your fans-"

Ethan cuts you off with a click of his tongue, "But they are family-and what do you think, I don't know that mom and dad liked Grayson more than me? Cameron says that she prefers Grayson over me and so do the fans-"

"I love you, Ethan." There, you say it. You look him right in the eye while saying it too, so that he has no doubt in his head that you absolutely mean it. Your confession is followed by silence. Ethan looks at you as you look right back and try to look calm even when your heart is going crazy inside your chest. Yeah, you've said the words here and there in passing, but this time you don't mean it in a platonic way. "And I will always choose you over anyone." Even myself, sometimes.

Another tear escapes Ethan's eyes, causing him to finally tear his gaze away and wipe the lone tear away with his thumb. He is quiet again, leading you to wonder if you shouldn't have said what you just did. Your heart sounds like it's beating in your throat, making it that much harder to think rationally and not go into a panic attack.

But before you can begin to beat yourself over this in your head, Ethan speaks up. "That's different, Y/N."

And maybe it's something about the way he avoids looking into your eyes when he says it or it's the way he says it, almost sounding like he meant to say, "That's not enough, Y/N" instead of going for the slightly softer words that he decided to go with at the last minute. Either of the things are the reason your heart just went splat on the expensive floor of Ethan's bedroom and shattered into so many tiny pieces that it will be difficult for you to gather them again when it's time for you to go back home.

Probably the biggest slap you've ever received from the man you love with every fiber of your being.

Because even though he didn't say the exact words, you know he just told you loud and clear that the love you're offering to give him is not enough because your love is not what he wants. Your love can not hold a candle to the love he could have gotten from Bella.

Because Bella is charming and adventurous. She is kind and humble, sweet and innocent, yet holds the talent of being sassy enough to hand Ethan's ass to him when required. She is grace and she is beauty, immense beauty. The kind of beauty that makes a person stop in their track and turn to look. The kind of beauty that one sees on the canvas of an ancient painter, the kind of beauty that poets write ballads upon ballads about. She is the stars to Ethan's moon.

And you? You're just Y/N. Simple, plain Y/N who likes simple, plain things. You are the kind of person Ethan describes as boring then how did you expect him to love you back? Yes, you've been friends for a major part of your lives, but that's all he's ever seen you as.

A friend is all you are ever going to be.

It is at this exact moment that you see your entire future rolling before your eyes like a movie. You see Ethan dating countless girls while you stay to the side, until he finally comes across his forever girl. Oh, he'll be so excited while telling you about her and you'll suppress your urge to break down in front of his, being a good friend, you'll listen to his every word and encourage him to get the girl.

Ethan will get the girl of his dreams, they will be the it couple. Both so heart breakingly beautiful and equally amazing people. Ethan will be happy with her and he'll make sure to keep her happy. After few years of dating, they will get married. You, of course, will be invited. Your tears will fall when you'd find the wedding invitation in your mail box one day because you're still not over Ethan Dolan, as pathetic as that sounds. And you will contemplate burning the damn thing because there's no way you'll go. But at the last minute, you do decide to go, just to see Ethan for one last time. To see how he really looks in the attire of a Groom because you used to day dream about having him be your groom.

You'll make sure you look extra beautiful that day because this is Ethan's wedding and Ethan deserves everything to be and look the best on his big day. You'll eventually see him standing at the alter, looking like the prince of those fairytails your grandma used to tell you. He would look so handsome and so happy that you'd feel your heart tightening in your chest, both from the pain and the happiness. Atleast he'll be happy.

And then will come the bride in all her glory, looking like a million bucks in her beautiful white gown, carrying the most beautiful bouquet of flowers in her pretty hands. You will watch Ethan's face light up at the sight of her and maybe he would tear up a little bit, earning a chuckle and a clap on the back from his brother and best man. He would mouth the words, "You're beautiful" as she'll come and stand in front of him and she will blush, smiling under her veil.

You will sit back and watch the whole ceremony go by, just hoping to catch his gaze just once but he will be too busy gazing at his beautiful bride. They say the vows, exchange rings and he is finally allowed to lift the veil and kiss his wife. As everyone else in the room would cheer and clap, you'd force yourself to look away. He officially will belong to someone else. No one maybes anymore. You'll be too torn apart to attend the reception and Ethan would only get to know of your attendance at his wedding from Lisa and the gift you left behind for the new Mr. And Mrs. Dolan.

Maybe that would be the last time you'd see him or maybe you'd still be too foolish to stay away. Maybe you'll still be in his life when he's about to become a father, you will be one of the last ones to know because you surely won't as important to Ethan as he is to you. He'll be so happy about the news and you'll try to display the same level of enthusiasm for him when he tells you, but your heart would hurt so much watching someone else living the dreams that you saw for yourself.

"Can I at least be the Godmother?" You'd ask pathetically, eyes glossy with tears and voice weak and on the verge of breaking.

Ethan would hold a look of guilt in his eyes when he'd reply with, "I'll ask the missus about that."

The baby will be born, looking like the perfect mixture of his father and mother. You'd get a picture sent to you accompanied by a happy voicemail from the new dad, but that's all you'd get. Of course you won't be the Godmother because the actual mother has a best friend that is better qualified for that role.

What next? You'll be invited to the first birthday party of the little Dolan and again, against your better judgement, you'll go. When you'll show up, his wife would be looking like a goddess in her white flowy dress and Ethan would be by her side wearing an all white tuxedo because that's exactly what a new father doesn't know to do at his child's first birthday party. He'll be happier than ever, greeting guests and playing with his little one. He'll spot you from a distance and come greet you with a beaming smile that would still be too painful for you to watch and he'd hug you for too short of a time. Before you can properly catch up, he'll be whisked away by his wife because she'll need his help with something and he'll be there for her, being the great husband that he will be.

You'll find some alcohol and sit at the last table at the end of the yard and drink by yourself. And when it's time to cut the cake, You'll hover by the back of the crowd gathered around the table the baby is getting cake all over her and her daddy's outfits. You'll feel an irresistible urge to push through everyone and dampen a towel to wipe all the chocolate cake off of Ethan's suit but you'll force yourself to stay in the back, because by the time the though came into your mind, his wife is already taking off his jacket and wiping off his tie with a damp cloth that she already had prepared, because she will be a good mom and a good wife.

You'll again slip past everyone just like you did at their wedding and even though Grayson saw you, he wouldn't stop you from leaving because he, along with everyone else would know what you still feel for Ethan. You'll still receive invitations to birthday parties that you'll never go to and phone calls that you'll never accept, but that is the price you have to pay for entertaining the idea that Ethan could ever be yours.

"Y/N?" Ethan's voice brings you out of your depressing thoughts and you look down at him. "Its late, I think you should head home."

This always happens. Whenever Ethan feels sad or doesn't want to talk to anyone, You're usually the one to crack open his shell and let him vent. It takes some time, but he does open up and once he's taken out all his anger at the universe or cried to his hearts content, or ranted about anything and everything, he asks you very politely, to get out. Just like he has right now. It might not be his intention to make you feel used and thrown away, but that's exactly what you are left to feel at the end of all this.

You're used to this, you don't know why it still hurts so bad.

"Yeah," you nod with a smile, getting out of his bed and slipping your feet into your shoes, "I'm feeling sleepy anyway,"

Telling that blatant lie and passing Ethan one last fake smile, you walk out of his room. Once you close the door after you, you take a moment to collect yourself before you walk out and face Grayson. You don't want him to see you're basically breaking from the inside. You take a deep, shaky breath, straighten your spine, make sure you wipe under your eyes and paste a small smile on your face as you walk into a living room.

As expected, Grayson hasn't gone to bed despite it being way later than what he's used to. Seeing you, he rushes to his feet in an instant, searching your face for any signs that you might have failed in getting to Ethan to talk.

"Is he okay?" Grayson asks as you walk further into the room.

"Yeah." You sigh, finally feeling the emotional exhaustion catching up when you sit down and slump on the couch. "He was-" you sigh again, "very upset."

Now it's Grayson's turn to sigh. "Yeah, I know."

"But he's fine now, cried a little," a lot. You correct in your head, recalling the half an hour that he spent crying into your neck. You don't want to tell Grayson that because you know he'll worry. His brother doesn't cry easily, especially over a girl. "I think he's rode out the worst, though."

"Is he awake-" Grayson stands up, "Can I go see him?"

"I think you should wait till the morning, Gray." Your words make him sit back down and your monotonous voice makes him look at you with a frown between his brows. Grayson's eyes search your face the way he does when he's trying to read someone, he does that a lot. When you notice he's doing that again, you look away. "And I think you should sleep too, you look really tired."

"And you?" Grayson inquires quietly.

You flash him a quick smile before getting up on your feet, "I'm leaving."

Grayson frowns, "No, it's too late, Y/N, sleep in the guestr-"

"Nah, I uh, I can head home-"

"Y/N, what's wrong?" Grayson now stands up to his full height, towering over you as his thumb and index finger tilt up your face, "Did Ethan say something."

The pure concern in Grayson's voice has never made you tear up, but today it does. You press your lips together to stop them from trembling and look away from his eyes to hide your glossy ones, before shaking your head.

Grayson doesn't believe you for a second, but he knows better than to push you when you don't want to tell him. "Alright then, let me drive you at least."

"I came in my car, G." You respond to him, taking steps away from him so he is unable to see that you're on the verge of bawling your eyes out. Ethan could at least offer for you to stay the night like Grayson did, but no, even that is too much for you to ask from him. "And you go sleep, your eyes are red and puffy."

"Your eyes are red and puffy," Grayson can't help but cut back. Grayson and you have been best friends for as long as Ethan and you have and while Ethan is the love of your life, Grayson is the male version of you. You are very close with him, he basically is like the brother you never had so it's obvious he hates it when you are in pain, even more so when you hide it. "You know you can't lie to me, right? And you do know that I know, right Y/N?"

You sigh, "Gray-"

"When are you gonna tell him?" Grayson's voice is demanding, like he's daring you to try and lie to his face again, "How long are you going to keep letting him look around and get his heart broken when the right girl is in front of-"

"I have a feeling that he already knows, Grayson." You cut him off sharply, your eyes never leaving his as you speak, "I think he knows and I think he doesn't feel the same way."

Grayson watches as you stand there, not avoiding eye contact this time. It's like you're challenging him to disagree with you. He doesn't try to though because he knows nothing he says will make you change your mind. It's tragic, seeing how much someone loves his brother and not letting said brother know about it, because he thinks that if Ethan knew, the whole story would be different.

"Good night, Gray. Sleep tight."

Grayson watches you open the door and walk out of the house. You walk to your car that's parked beside Ethan's and slide in. The engines come to life a minute later. He stands where he was and watches you until your car is out of sight. Then, he sighs and with a heavy heart, walks into his room. He really wishes he could do something about the Ethan and Y/N situation. He knows that they are both hurting and he wishes he could help, but that's in his nature. Grayson has always been the helper ever since he was a toddler and he hates it when he can't fix things. But just like he dad once told him when he was younger, he can't fix everything and he doesn't have to feel bad about it.

But he knows that Ethan won't be sleeping tonight and neither will you, he knows that you denied him from driving you home because you would be crying in your car right now and you need privacy for doing that. He also knows that you would be crying and hurting all night long and he probably won't see your face for a week because you'll need that time to heal before you can face ethan again. It's because he knows those things that he feels bad about not being able to fix them.

If only he could fix them.

A few feet away from Grayson's room, his elder brother lays wide awake, looking up at the ceiling with his hands behind his head. Ethan feels better after talking to Y/N, he always feels better after talking to her. But she looked sad when she left. Try as he might, he can't get the image of her face as she was putting on her shoes and leaving his room, out of his mind. She did try to flash him a smile, but he saw right through it. He also saw her eyes getting redder.

Ethan hates hurting Y/N. He really hates it. And yet, that's exactly what he always ends up doing. He doesn't know what he does that hurts her, if he did, he would stop doing that immediately. But he also knows that she won't tell him if he asked her. She doesn't even look him in the eye anymore. Whenever he is in her presence, he wishes he could read minds, or just her mind specifically.

Sighing, he groans and turns his body to lay on his side, searching for a comfortable position so he can shut his brain for the night and go to sleep. He blindly reaches for his 'cuddle pillow' as he likes to call it and presses it to his chest, wrapping it in his strong arms. The second he does that, he smells Y/N. Her scent lingers on his cuddle pillow because she was laying on it when she was here. This little thing makes him smile and rub his face against his pillow lovingly.

He was so comfortable and relaxed when he had her in his arms, even when his face was buried in her neck. He feels almost the same way cuddling the pillow just because it smells like her. Why did he ask her to go home in the first place?

Yes, she says she doesn't sleep well on any bed that isn't her own but maybe she would have liked Ethan's arms? He remembers her falling asleep on his shoulder so many times when they go on a road trip and Grayson's driving, she even slept on him in a movie theator once. Gosh, he should have asked her to stay.

That way, he would hold her and comfort her get her to feel better like she did him. She always does this, she comes in and takes away Ethan's troubles and leaves feeling sad herself. She never let's him help.

He twists and turns again, sighing in annoyance at not being able to sleep. Then, he reaches for his phone and opens it to see the time, hoping that it's not too late to go to Y/N's. If she doesn't like to sleep in anyone's bed, he can go over to hers because he doesn't have a problem in sleeping in her bed. His sleep isn't really affected by location, Ethan Dolan can crash anywhere if he's feeling sleepy, and sleeping with his best friend in his arms sounds like an awesome idea right now.

But according to his phone, it's already 4:48 in the morning and Y/N must already be fast asleep. Groaning, Ethan slams his phone down on the mattress beside him and turns on his side again, hoping and praying for sleep to come.

And it finally does. He is curled up in a ball, draping his blanket up to his chin. His arms are wrapped around his cuddle pillow and Y/N's scent on it makes a smile appear on his face even as he sleeps.

Meanwhile, the girl whose scent made him fall asleep, cries and cries until her eyes are hurting and her throat his scratchy. She doesn't remember when she fell asleep exactly because the last thing she remembers is pulling up a picture of Ethan on her phone, her favourite picture of Ethan that he sent her when he was in New Jersey for Christmas holidays, and weeping while gazing at his smiling face.

When she wakes up the next day, her eyes are so puffy, it's hard to open them and her phone still displays Ethan's smiling face just like it did the night before.

#ethan dolan #grayson dolan #grayson and ethan #grayson dolan imagine #ethan dolan imagine #ethan dolan blurb #ethan dolan angst #ethan dolan imagines #grayson dolan imagines

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looselucy · 5 years ago

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Out of Reach

May 25th “I literally can’t get over it. Like… it doesn’t seem right.” Louis exhaled beside me, the two of us stood shoulder to shoulder behind the counter at work.

“It’s not right. Chloe and Sam?” Libby seemed almost disgusted, standing on the other side ahead of us. “It’s messed up on so many levels, I literally… I still don’t know what to say about it.” We’d seen them together that morning, meaning that something we’d all been ignoring for the past ten days could no longer be evaded. I suppose since it had all been happening behind closed doors, that made it easier to ignore, reject. But we’d seen them holding hands just outsides PJ’s café, and since they’d decided to take their little affiliation public, it opened up the discussion I’d been dreading. “How’re you feeling about it?” Libby asked me. “Um… I don’t even know. I’ve been trying not to think about it, to be honest. I don’t wanna be mad, it’s too draining and it… It won’t get me anywhere. I just don’t want them to be together. At all.” “What a mess.” Louis huffed. “I dunno how to feel about any of it.” “Same. Like, she rang me the other day and I didn’t even answer.” Libby told us. “I couldn’t!” “Fuck that, I don’t want that!” I cried. “Oh god, I hate this so much. When did everything get so fucked up?” I didn’t want people ignoring her, through sheer awkwardness or for my sake. I didn’t want people feeling like they had to pick sides or be angry on my behalf. I didn’t want any of the bullshit that was happening, but I couldn’t be surprised that the rest of them were feeling the affects of this new coupling too. We were all too close for me to pretend I was the only one who had strong thoughts on the two of them getting together. “I don’t know what his aim is, y’know.” Louis said to me. “Like… when was the last time you saw him? Harry’s birthday, like a month ago? And he was still bitter as fuck about you two breaking up, like… I don’t know. It’s just a bit of a red flag.” “You don’t think he even likes her?” Libby yapped. “I just dunno how you can switch from being bitter about your ex to being with her best mate so quickly. Like, that doesn’t add up to me.” “If he hurts her, I swear to god I’ll actually fucking murder him.” I groaned, dropping my head into my hands. I hadn’t even thought of it like that, but he made a fair point. Ever since we’d broken up, Sam had shown one minor sign of being civil and okay with it all, and even then, he ended it by making foul comments about Harry and how he predicted he felt towards me. Sam had been consistently awful to me thanks to his bitterness about our breakup, but I didn’t think he’d stoop that low, to be with Chloe just to hurt me. He’d shown the worst of himself in recent months, but I still didn’t believe him to be all bad. “I know I need to talk to her, have a proper conversation, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.” I eventually heaved, bringing my head back upwards. “Don’t rush it.” Libby shrugged. “I mean… I’m sure you’ll fix things, in time, but you’re allowed to be pissed off. I mean… it was a shit move. I’d be out for blood if I was you.” “But it wasn’t done to hurt me, was it? It wasn’t done through spite.” “But she still did it.” Libby was tough, as ever. “Like… If me and Lou broke up… I wouldn’t care how bad stuff got, if any of you lot ever went near him, I’d lose my head. I wouldn’t get over that, no matter the circumstances.” Louis seemed to like her statement, each syllable she’d spewed lifting his lips into a bright and beautiful smile. “I love you.” He told her sweetly. “I love you too.” She softened, like she only ever really did for him. Seeing them so happy and madly in love was both amazing and excruciating. To have them share those words with such ease and such honesty, like love was the easiest thing in the world. My envy was irrefutable. “You two are so lucky.” I mumbled. “It seems so… perfect.” “We took our time though.” Louis said. “Too long! I can’t believe after we kissed you went all defensive! Acting like it didn’t mean anything and you didn’t want more!” “What? I was scared!” He wailed, the two of them laughing at his foolishness before Libby leaned across the counter to share a quick kiss with him. “Okay, I’ve gotta go to work.” She told us. “Don’t have a fun Saturday night without me, right?” “I’ll probably just come sit on the other side of the bar. Keep you company.” Louis smiled. It was like they never wanted to be apart, and though I wanted to smile and blush over the way they were with each other, I found my face unable to be anything but stern as I watched them say their goodbyes, Louis walking around to the other side of the counter to do it properly. I thought of Harry more than I cared to admit. More than I could admit, given I felt I was going through the whole thing entirely by myself. I’d rang my dad a few days earlier, poured my heart out, cried for a solid hour as he tried to make out my words through my tears, but it wasn’t quite the same. When I shared with my closest friends, my words were accompanied by a brutal honesty that simply wasn’t quite there with my dad. But then there was this other part of me that was glad none of them knew, that I could just get through it on my own without it being a constant concern or conversation. It was tiring enough having to discuss what was going on with Chloe and Sam, I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to have them asking me about Harry too. He'd been absent from my life since he’d told us all he planned on moving away, and I believed it was likely he’d already gone. It wasn’t like he received a positive reaction from any of us, and I thought he would have found it easier to up and leave without a word. It certainly wouldn’t have been out of character either. I was almost angry at myself for missing him as much as I was. I wished I could be stronger than that, see it all as a good thing, because if he truly couldn’t love me then there was nothing more to give, nothing left to say. I didn’t want to miss him and have my heart ache so much, because how he’d acted and the things he’d said and the way he’d dragged my heart around, teased it with the idea of love, was not something to be desired or missed. And yet. “See you soon!” Libby called after their kiss, the bell ringing as she let herself out of my shop. “Don’t work too hard!” “Even if I wanted to.” I groaned bitterly. For a Saturday we were exceptionally quiet, which was sometimes a blessing, but as the year went on with more speed than I could fathom, my financial worries were at the forefront of my mind during most of my days at work. Whenever it got too quiet, all I could think about was the thousands of pounds that I needed to fund my mother’s care that I didn’t have. Quiet days made me feel so uneasy. It sort of felt like everything at that time made me feel uneasy. “Right… Do you need me to do owt?” Louis turned back around to face me. “I don’t think so. We’re all caught up, even with the boring work.” “Need me to go and… drag innocent villagers indoors and force them to buy wine?” “Yes!” I chuckled. “Brilliant idea.” He crinkled his nose momentarily before leaning on the counter and speaking gently. “Don’t worry about money. We’ll sort it. We’ll figure it out, I promise.” “I appreciate the positivity,” I sighed. “M’just not really feeling too positive about it myself right now.” “Understandable. But… if we’ve gotta take some extra steps, then we will.” “Like what?” “I dunno, I’ve been thinking maybe like… tasting events? Invite people here, get ‘em all drinking.” “That’s not a bad idea!” “Right? Get people drunk on half decent wines that we don’t sell much of, next they’ll be spending too much money on overpriced wine, and we’ll be laughing.” “How have I not thought about this? Why do I have zero initiative?” I wailed. “You’ve got enough on your mind. We’ve already got the license to have people drink here, so it’d be easy to sort.” “You’re a genius. If you weren’t madly in love with my best friend, I’d propose right now.” “Anything to help.” He shrugged, totally nonchalant. “Also, I have to say… Pretty bold move. Turning Harry’s money offer down like that.” I groaned, even rolled my eyes, stumbling across another conversation I’d wished to avoid. I was glad it hadn’t come up earlier; I suppose money is always a touchy subject, always difficult to discuss. “I know you probably think I’m stupid-” “I don’t.” He cut me off quickly. “I thought it was class, to be honest. And I think it took guts, so props to ya.” “I feel like there’s a but…” “But-” He confirmed my suspicions, chuckling lightly. “I just don’t want you to forget that it’s an option, y’know? Even if it’s just… the last bit of money you need to get to the final amount. I know it’s a weird thing, and probably not the most comfortable, but… Sometimes you’ve gotta put pride and comfort aside for the greater good, know what I mean?” “Well… I doubt the offer will be on the table from New York.” I dismissed. “And I don’t wanna set out to do this with a fallback plan anyway, so…” “Alright. I just wanted to put my thoughts out there.” I heard the bell chime before I noticed someone had welcomed themselves into the shop, the two of us greeting our new customer with friendly smiles. I was thankful for a route out of that conversation. “Afternoon.” Louis chirped. “Hi.” The woman chirped back before heading out onto the shop floor, looking carefully through our collection. “M’gunna go make myself look busy.” Louis leaned across the counter and whispered. “Gimme a shout if you need anything.” He walked away, heading towards a nearby shelf to do something close to nothing so it appeared as though we were actually running a business rather than just chatting and drinking brews all day. “Are you looking for anything specific or just browsing?” I offered my help, eager for a sale. “Browsing.” She turned to me and smiled. “I’ll let you know if I need anything.” I wasn’t even sure she’d finished talking before my face completely dropped, staring at her in disbelief, wondering if my mind was simply playing tricks on me, convincing me of something completely false, finding familiarity within a face I’d actually never seen. I knew I recognised her, but it was where I recognised her from that seemed impossible to believe, impossible to even comprehend. But my gut was telling I was right. I kept thinking of the picture of her that I’d once seen, and I knew. It was Harry’s mum. Harry’s mum was right there in my shop. For a while I didn’t move, my mouth wide as she perused the collection we had, none the wiser. There was a part of me that was worried I was jumping to conclusions, but the likeliness she had with the picture I’d seen was far too close to dismiss. She almost looked exactly the same as she had in the photo Harry had shown me; a few more wrinkles, shorter hair, but I could see so clearly that it was her, there wasn’t really any doubt in my mind, just complete disbelief. “Holy shit.” I whispered to myself before leaping to my feet and darting over to Louis, grabbing his shoulder briskly and whispering harshly in his ear. “Please keep her busy, I need to do something.” “Huh?” “Just make sure she doesn’t leave! Do what you’re good at, get your charm on, I’ll be… two minutes.” “Everything okay?” “It’s fine!” I rushed towards the back of the shop, needing to get out of earshot from the two of them, so I headed towards the cellar, scrambling to get my phone out of my pocket as quickly as possible. As I got to the top of the stairs, I managed to finally yank the item free, so frantic in my attempts that I immediately dropped it, hearing and watching it smash down each and every step before it landed with an almighty thud right on the concrete at the bottom. “For fuck sake.” I seethed, bolting down to the stairs and cursing as I took each step. I crouched down and grabbed my phone from the floor as soon as I could, falling backwards and sitting myself on one of the steps as I inspected the damage, the screen completely shattered but it seemed to still be working. As quickly as I could, I squinted my eyes, found Harry’s name in my contacts and called him, checking back over my shoulder to see the empty doorway at the top of the wooden stairs before turning back around, feeling sick over the sound of the dial tone. I didn’t even think he’d answer to me, not after everything. I thought he’d see my name on his screen and purposefully avoid the call. But he answered. “Fee?” “Harry, where are you? Please tell me you’re still in Rosebury? Please.” “I’m here, I’m at home. What’s happening? Where are you?” He picked up on the panic in my voice and immediately panicked himself. “You need to come to the shop right now.” “What’s happening?” “Please just-” “Alfie, you’re worrying me! What’s happening?” “Shit. I don’t… I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just gunna… spit it out.” I took a moment, calmed myself down. “Your mum’s here. Your mum is here in my shop, right now.” He was quiet for so long that I pulled my phone away from my face to check he was actually still there and we hadn’t been cut off, but of course he couldn’t find the right thing to say. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how he felt hearing that, knowing his mother was just minutes away from him after he’d waited for so many years, looked for her, written to her and bought a house for her. How could he possibly find the right thing to say? “I can keep her here, I can stall her, but you have to get here now.” I blurted after a while, but he still didn’t say anything. “Harry?” “I… Yeah, m’here. Sorry.” He murmured. “You don’t have to be sorry. I get that this… This is a lot, but… you have to get here before she leaves. Please. Please get here as soon as you can, okay?” “Okay.” He replied, voice monotonic. “Okay.” I shuddered. “I’ll see you soon.” “Yeah.” He said, and then the line cut dead. I placed my phone down beside me and dropped my head into my hands, needing to gather myself before heading back upstairs so I didn’t end up just driving her away. I had to try and remain calm, casual, not let onto the fact that I knew exactly who she was and that her son who she hadn’t seen for almost seven years was on his way to see her. I felt the complete opposite of calm.

An hour passed before Julia had left my store, a smile on her face and three new bottles of wine purchased. An hour we’d managed to keep her there. Harry had never shown up. It wasn’t uncommon that we’d get chatting with someone friendly, give them a drink or two and form a nice little relationship with them, not only because it usually guaranteed a sale, but it was nice. However, an hour was a rather substantial visit, and by the time she was buying her bottles I felt like any more attempts to make her stay would have been too irregular to pass off. Besides, Harry had made it clear that he wasn’t going to show up. His house was less than a five minute walk away from my shop, and she had been there for a fucking hour after I’d called him and he hadn’t shown up. I had to admit to myself that there was no need for me to keep her there. We’d closed up shop not long after she’d left, and my plan had been to go upstairs, have an evening to myself and attempt to ignore what had happened, but I couldn’t. I needed to speak to Harry. The sun was beginning to set when I found myself taking the path leading to his home, all too familiar with every stone beneath my feet, every tree surrounding me that sheltered his home. It wasn’t the first time I’d taken that path feeling so restless, so unhappy. But I imagined it would be my last. I hadn’t wanted to go there feeling so wound up, but it seemed to be an emotion I couldn’t supress, so by the time I’d pounced onto his porch and knocked on his door, I was loud, brazen. He was bound to know it was me. I was the only person around who was kind of in the position where I could go to his house, because even after everything, it was still a place he kept completely closed off from everyone other than me. So when he answered the door with his head already down, I wasn’t surprised. He must have been expecting me to show up. “Where were you?” My voice was quiet, stern, but he didn’t say a thing. He didn’t even lift his head to look at me. “Why didn’t you show up?” Even when I’d gathered that he wasn’t going to turn up, I hadn’t wanted to intervene too much, to tell Julia what I knew and send her his way. It had needed to be him coming to her, not the other way around. It didn’t even feel like an option to tell her where he was and put that weight in her hands. He remained quiet, a look of guilt heavy around his tired eyes. “She was right there, Harry! She was right fucking there!” I cried. “This was your chance and you… you let it slip through your fingers.” “I… I couldn’t.” He hushed. “What… What do you mean?” “I just couldn’t. I tried, but-” “How the hell do ever expect to feel better about what happened when you don’t even dare see her? How do you think you’re gunna be able to move on and feel okay if you don’t let yourself?” “It’s not as easy as that.” “It is!” I yelped, tears in my eyes. “You were looking for her a few weeks ago! What the fuck changed? I don’t understand!” “I’m leaving tomorrow.” He was shaking, maybe ashamed. “I… I couldn’t see the point, I-” “That’s bullshit. You’re such a coward. You’re such a fucking coward.” My tears finally began to fall as I produced my words with quite some bite. “She was right there, Harry! You chose to miss her and I… I don’t understand why. I’m just so frustrated with you, it breaks my heart! That was your chance to get what you’ve wanted for years and you just… You just…” I burst into tears. I was utterly irritated with him and the choice he’d made that afternoon, but more than anything I just felt so terrible for him. Because I knew it wasn’t some simple choice; that he’d thought it over and decided not to see her because of idleness or indifference. I knew full well it would have absolutely killed him, and all the damage and agony that had occurred over the years had lead him to believe he shouldn’t see her, or couldn’t see her. It was so heart-breaking to witness him deprive himself of growth that way. It was so reflective of the boy I’d first met, not the boy I’d fallen in love with. “I’m not gunna force myself back into her life. I can’t do it.” He lifted his head, nostrils broadening as he held back tears. “I won’t fucking do it. She’s better off without me. She-” “Snap out of it, Harry! Do you even hear yourself? You won’t know unless you try, and this was your chance! I know it’s scary and I know you fucked up before, but that was a long time ago! You owe it to yourself!” I blubbered, reaching to grasp my fingers tightly at his t-shirt. “I’m so angry with you. I’m so fucking angry.” “I’m sorry.” He was physically shaking, tears finally beginning to pour over. “You can’t talk about how much you miss her and how much you wanna fix things and then not fucking show up when she’s here. You’re a fucking coward.” I yanked him forward only to push him back. “Stop being so scared! Stop pushing people away!” “But Jack-” He blurted, and very swiftly stopped himself. “Jack what?” I snapped. “Nothing.” “Harry!” “I’m sorry.” He wept, wrapping his hand around mine, not to try and tease my touch away from his clothing, more like he just wanted to feel my skin against his. “Stop saying you’re fucking sorry and just fix it! Fuck.” He pulled me into him, the two of us throwing our arms around each other and just hugging, holding each other as tightly as we physically could. My suspicions over exactly what had happened with Jack and what he had said to him the night he turned up were becoming more sinister every single time it entered my mind. I knew that what he’d done, stealing his work and his faux apologies, had been bad enough in itself; but I was sure something had been said that he wasn’t telling me. It was after that night that everything seemed to change, that I could literally see the evolution of his character diminish before my eyes. Something menacing must have been said, because it wasn’t just that Harry seemed like he had when he first appeared in Rosebury, because he was worse. He moved there with the intention of finding his mum. Mere weeks earlier, if he’d known she was in town, he would have been there in seconds. Jack had fucked with his head so much that he couldn’t even bring himself to face the one person who he’d been seeking for years. His arms trapped themselves around my waist, mine around his neck, running my fingers through his hair as he buried his face against my neck, the feel of his lips light against my skin. It was difficult to comprehend how being close with him pained me so much but felt so right. He practically pulled me inside without unwrapping himself, taking steps backwards and dragging me with him. “Please talk to me.” I gasped gently. “I just wanna understand what changed, please.” “I… I can’t.” He mumbled bleakly. “Please, Harry.” “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” He wept. “It’s just not right. I don’t wanna fuck it up. I’d fuck it up.” “You wouldn’t.” I shuddered, squeezing tighter. He really thought she would be better off without him. And even though he was totally wrong about that, it was clear that he wasn’t as ready as he once had been, for whatever reasons. He needed more time. He needed to take a step back and see things clearly, heal once more, because in recent weeks a haze had built around his life that he could not shine a light through. The real problem was that from what I could see, he wasn’t even trying to. He lifted his face and put his hands on my waist, gripping me forcefully as he rested his forehead against mine, eyes closed, noses touching. We were too close, too overwhelmed with emotions to think straight. I took a step back, my attempts to distance falling flat as he moved with me, my back crashing against the wall as he opened his eyes and stared deep into mine. The composition of my beaten breath was fluctuating, watching his eyes fall down to my lips. I tried to block it out, but then I picked up on his breathlessness, the minor way in which he pulled at my waist to bring my body closer to his, the subtle tilt of his head, his lips lulling themselves closer to mine. “Harry-” I whispered. “Please.” His voice was dull, a desperate call for forbidden affection. “No. We can’t.” I gasped. The only thing I wanted more than to close the miniature gap between our lips was for my heart to start healing, and that wouldn’t happen if I let myself kiss him. “I can’t leave without kissing you, Fee. I can’t.” “Stop!” I cried, losing my patience and pushing him away from me. “You can leave without kissing me, because that’s exactly what you’re doing!” “Well then I don’t want to!” He snapped, voice raising. “Harry stop fucking with my head!” I yelled back at him. “I get that you’re having a hard time right now and your feelings are all over the place, but I am not just some fucking void for you to try and figure that out!” “Fuck, that’s not- I don’t-” “It’s so unfair! Think of my feelings!” “I AM!” He shouted, before immediately dropping his head, like he was stopping himself from saying something he might regret. “I’m sorry, but I… I’m sorry. I didn’t think, I’m sorry.” It was quite clear that he wasn’t in a good place, and it hurt to admit that I didn’t feel like I was strong enough to help him. My heart had completely shattered when he’d told me he couldn’t love me, and I wanted to look out for myself, care for myself before caring for him even though it was clear he needed it. But due to the state of my heart and with him moving away the following day, it left me feeling powerless. “I need to go.” “Fee-Fee, I need you to know how sorry I am.” “For what? Which part?” I scowled. He stopped breathing for a few seconds, looked right me, and then exhaled. “All of it.” I wiped away my tears, lifted my head up high, composed myself. Harry genuinely looked weak. I hated what had happened to us. “I have to go. I can’t drag this out anymore, I have to go.” It was difficult to truly comprehend exactly when things got so disordered, so completely excruciating. It seemed to me that the days where I’d seen the two of us and our relationship as this beautiful, powerful thing were only just out of reach; something the tips of my fingers could still touch, the taste of us still resting lightly upon my lips and heavy upon my heart. It was so close but so far away I could barely see it, barely recognise what we were, or what I thought we’d been. Shaking, I stepped towards the doorway, about to walk out, walk away from him completely, but then I stopped, remembering something I knew I needed to share with him. “She lives in Cheshire.” “Huh?” “I was talking to her, and I found out she lives in Cheshire now. Holmes Chapel. So if you ever pluck up the courage, that’s where she’ll be.” He looked completely amazed, lips parted and eyes wide but silent. And in those seconds before I left, I understood why he’d wanted to kiss me, regardless of everything. Because I had to look at us then and accept that this was our goodbye. This pain. This uncertainty. This agony. It didn’t feel right and we deserved more than that, but there was nothing more to give. Maybe I should have kissed him. I’d never know whether kissing him would have made our goodbye sweeter or unbearably bitter. “And if you ever pluck up the courage… this is where I’ll be.” I sighed. With those words, I left, hoping that I’d see him again in brighter times, when he’d learnt how to destroy thunderous clouds in order for the sun to finally shine and give light to a life he’d allowed to be shrouded in darkness. I hoped I’d see him again in days where I’d be able to smile when I saw his face again rather than feel like I’d been hit in the gut. I hoped he’d come back one day, even just to visit, so we could have something good, something kinder than that awful goodbye. I truly hoped that a shared sense of peace wasn’t completely out of reach for us. But until then, that goodbye was all we had. And it hurt.

#HAPPY READING MY FRIENDS #HBS39 #how are we genuinely getting into the last ten chapters??? I'm sad

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