#by asking particularly triggering and more personal questions to make her think of home.

[crimsonfacets]

I know it's very, very likely just inane babble, but Kinger asking "you didn't experience a game show in there, did you?" is making me thiiiiiink.

[httpswritings]

ALE(xia): Average Lesbian Experience — Alexia Putellas x Reader

Warnings: lesbophobia, having trouble accepting oneself, angst.

Word count: 1326

Summary: A lie almost breaks your friendship.

A/N: Two things; Both Alexia and Reader are 21 years old, so this is set in 2015. Also, in Spain you use the word tía as a way of saying sis, same thing as tio and the word dude in English.

“C'mon Ale! Don't be a coward!“

She smiled at you, shaking her head. “I'm not going there, tía.”

You approached her, reaching for her hand, as you tried to convince her to get into the sea. It was a sunny and warm day in Barcelona. You were all wet from crashing against the waves, as Alexia had been looking at you, laughing when you were surprised by a wave that would push you, making you swallow some water.

Alexia shook her head again.

“Ale...Please?” Alexia dragged you by your left arm, pulling you into her as she began tickling you. Her hands touching the bare skin of your stomach send shivers throughout your body.

Your playful game was interrupted by two boys around your age.

“You both seem to be enjoying the beach. Wanna have some good company?”

The boys were particularly looking at you.

Alexia felt anger filling every part of her body. She was aware of how in love she was with you, and she also knew that she had to pretend not to be, as she didn't want to scare you.

She accepted herself but couldn't help but feel gross at the thought of her loving you.

She looked at the two boys, who were asking for your number, and compared herself to them. Was she better for you than them? «Without any doubt» she thought. You denied both of their requests.

With a timid smile forming on her face, she felt victorious, even if she apparently didn't have any reason to be.

What Alexia didn't know is that you've been in love with her since high school.

Always admiring her from afar, even when she was the closest to you.

You had to learn how to not react to the physical attention she showed you.

When you saw the two boys getting interested in her and began to ask her questions like her age, where she lived, and finally asking for her number, you wanted nothing but to punch them in the face.

It wasn't envy; you didn't mind Alexia getting attention from people. It was a deeper feeling.

Alexia looked at you, but your eyes were fixated on the two boys, who were smiling and checking Alexia out, looking throughout her body, making you want to throw up.

“I'm not interested either; I'm sorry.”

Those words brought you to life, and you finally looked at her.

“I have a boyfriend.”

Your world fell apart right after hearing those words come out of her mouth.

The boys finally got a no for an answer and left.

You didn't realize they did, though.

“Are you alright? It's okay; they had already left.”

You couldn't look at Alexia properly.

The girl who had your heart had given hers to another person.

Your mind was so loud, despite you being so quiet. Not a word left your mouth after hearing Alexia's statement.

“You're worrying me. Please, answer me!”

You couldn't hold it anymore and eventually broke down crying.

Alexia hugged you, and you enjoyed your time in her embrace, knowing it'd be the closest you'd be to her.

“Did they scare you that much?“

Still no words.

“If you don't answer me, I'm going to call someone.”

Someone.

You don't know why, but that word triggered you to the point where you snapped.

“Someone? Like your boyfriend?”

Alexia laughed, and that broke your heart into more pieces, if that was even possible. Alexia thought you were teasing her, as she didn't think you had believed her to have a boyfriend, when it was just an excuse to get out of that previous situation.

“Alexia, I have to go home. I'm late.” You stood up quickly, as you couldn't bear the embarrassment you felt about yourself anymore.

Alexia grabbed you by your right arm, but you harshly shook her arm off you.

You heard her whine, and it was enough for you to stop and approach her.

No pain was worse than the slightest hurt to Alexia.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Have you gone mad?”

Alexia was hurting, but because of your actions, not because of a silly shake. You had changed the way you behaved towards her when, not even ten minutes ago, you were laughing and begging her to get into the sea with you.

She couldn't understand the way you were behaving.

“Listen, if it's because of the boys, I'm sorry that they've asked me out too, but I swear I didn't—”

“God, Alexia, why can't you see it? It's not because of those boys; it's because of a boy. Your boyfriend. When were you going to tell me that you were with someone?” Alexia tried to speak, but you didn't let her, as you kept ranting.

“You want to know why I'm like this? Because I'm in love with you. I thought I was okay with only being your friend, but when you said you had a boyfriend, I wanted to die. Yeah, it's that dramatic because I've loved you since high school in a way friends aren't supposed to love each other. I'm sorry if this hurts you, but I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend to be okay now that I know someone else is in your life. Because, as dumb as it sounds, I had a tiny hope of you being in love with me.”

 

Alexia jumped into your arms, not letting you pull out of the hug. “Please, let's stay like this for a few seconds. Please. Please.” and you gave up on the idea of getting out of her embrace and enjoying her warmth.

Alexia looked at you. Her eyes were filled with tears, but she didn't seem sad but relieved.

“I don't have a boyfriend. I don't even like boys, silly. I like girls, especially one who's looking at me quite confused right now.”

You were shocked. Too much information in such a short time. “If I told them I had a boyfriend, it's because I knew they were going to back off. Men respect other men. If I told them I was a lesbian, they'd probably insist on going on a date with me because many of them believe that lesbians haven't found the right man. It's quite sad, but it's what they believe.”

 

You've been there too, so you get what Alexia means. Even if Spain were one of the most LGBT-friendly countries on earth, no one would be 100% safe, far less as a lesbian.

“So, you like me?” You said this as you looked down at your hands, needing confirmation of Alexia's feelings towards you.

“Yes. I've liked you since we met in high school, but I never said anything. I was scared of losing you, so I had to learn how to put my feelings aside. You didn't notice how in love I was—I am with you. But it hasn't been an easy task, especially when people would come at you and ask you out, like those boys before, but you always rejected them, no matter if they were boys or girls, so I was scared of being rejected too.”

“Why do you think I rejected them?” you asked, laughing.

“I know. Now I know...” Alexia laughed too.

“Maybe you should try now.”

“Not here.”

-

Alexia brought you to your old high school.

It was closed as it was mid-July.

“I should've done this here five years ago, but now that we both know how we feel, I wanted to ask you if you would give me the privilege of being your girlfriend.”

You smiled, and before jumping into her arms, you accepted.

Memories of you and Alexia in high school came to your mind.

Gossiping in class, drawing on each other's hands, helping each other with studies.

The love you two shared was always there; it just needed a little time and another place to flourish, and now that you were adults, you weren't scared anymore.

[under-sedationnn]

the arcana: main six reacting to injured! reader

anonymous: Could u do m6 reacting to mc coming home injured? I want some hurt/comfort >:))

Warnings: talk of being injured, blood. if that bothers you or tiggers you in anyway, please scroll away! i want this to be a safe place, only :)

thanks for the request anon!! i hope you enjoy!! <3 requests for the kissing prompts and physical affection prompts are STILL OPEN. please send them in with the character of your choice (which could be any character from any series i write for) and i will create an imagine!! thanks and happy reading!!

- tries his very very best to stay calm

- you can see panic bubbling under the surface

- faust is on high alert

- slithers around your shoulders and squeezes you for a hug

- "friend! hurt!"

- doesn't immediately ask what happened, just gets you to a comfortable place to be cleaned up

- then, and only then, will he brave to ask what happened to you

- or who did this to you

- wipes the blood from your skin with very gentle swipes

- winces when you wince, and apologizes profoundly

- "Y/n, how did this happen? i thought you were just taking a quick trip to the market."

- "i fell in the market, tripped over a stone"

- "and nobody helped you?"

- in this case he's disappointed with the bystanders, but does not become angry

- in a situation where someone hurt you?

- oh god

- "Y/n, how did this happen? i thought you were just taking a quick trip to the market."

- "yeah, well, somebody had their eye on the same apple i picked up. somehow, though, they managed to push me to the ground and steal it from my hands."

- i don't even think he would know what to say

- and asra is not really the type to march out into the streets of vesuvia and seek to challenge the one who hurt you

- but he would certainly hold a grudge against whoever it was if he did find out

- and would feel absolutely awful about letting you get hurt

- his mind would race about the possibility of losing you again

- because he simply can't handle it

- and what if that person had been particularly violent or malicious? what if you had been taken??

- you'd have to comfort the hell out of him to make sure he knows that you're okay

- "asra, hey, i'm fine! i can handle myself, you know that"

- "you're right, and i know you're right. it's just hard"

- "it's still hard for me, too. the market still makes me a little nervous and i got caught a little off guard, is all"

- that would make him feel better

- would finish patching up your wounds and would make sure to bring you to julian the next day if they were too bad for him to fix or needed stitches

- would also create a special brew to help with the pain and ease you to sleep

- "why don't i go down to the market tomorrow?"

- "why? so when you pick a fight over apples, i can pay you back for all of this high quality medical treatment?"

- "well of course, surely you didn't expect all this tender love and care to be free" *wink*

- panicked doctor mode enabled

- immediately begins checking you over, asking questions

- something tells me it would be a head injury of some sort

- "oh darling, what happe- you're bleeding!"

- "julian, i'm okay! it's just a little scratch"

- "no no no you might need stitches, come sit down. i'll go get my kit!"

- there's really no use in arguing

- he has cold ass hands, so he tries to warm them up before he begins suturing the wound

- tries to be gentle, and his expert hands move quickly without any snagging

- "so, how did this happen?"

- his voice is literally trembling

- "well, i was in the clinic grabbing the list of ingredients we need for our next grocery trip and there was a puddle of... something on the floor. i slipped and hit my head on the corner of your desk"

- immediately thinks it's his fault

- like "oh shit i should have cleaned better that could have killed y/n and then what would i have done-"

- doesn't necessarily voice this, but you can tell by the silence that follows that he's feeling really guilty

- would kneel for you, head on your knees

- "y/n, i am so sorry"

- "juli, it's really okay, i should have watched where i was going"

- "i'll make sure to clean better from now on, okay?"

- would guard you throughout the night in case of concussion

- nurse juli <3

- but let's say someone had put their hands on you

- would patch you up the same way, and apologize profusely for not being there with you

- tuck you into bed and fetch mazelinka to keep an eye on you throughout the night incase of a concussion

- would most definitely be self destructive and seek that mf out

- maybe not successfully, but would try his hardest

- "i'll be back in the morning, get some rest"

- "I can find them myself if I want to, you know"

- embarrassed blush

- because he KNOWS you can take care of yourself

- "of course, but right now you're hurt. as your partner, i will do what must be done on your behalf darling"

- probably shows up the following morning with battle scars of his own

- the guards found you in the garden, passed out in the maze

- blood trickled down your arm, a large gash marking your bicep

- ran you up to the palace and immediately to the medical wing

- them]n nadia gets word

- the calm, collected queen act disappears

- abandons anything she's doing, anybody she's talking to

- "we will finish this at a different time, i have more important matters to attend to"

- she is so worried and it's honestly adorable

- very much giving "where tf are they?" energy

- god i love her so much

- anyways um

- asks the nurses over and over what happened, if you're okay, etc.

- watches the physicians and nurses like a hawk as they clean the wound and suture the cut

- and they're so intimidated lmao they never come face to face with her literally ever

- brushes your hair back from your face as they do so

- holds your hands

- would demand that you be brought to her sleeping chamber

- so that's where you wake up! how cute

- she's laying beside you, her brows furrowed

- maybe even her eyes are a little hazy

- "y/n, sweetheart, do you remember what happened?"

- patiently waits for your answer, you're still a little groggy

- you were either attacked by an animal and passed out from the fright

- or you were attacked by an armed person and was knocked out

- either way, the guards are on it

- nadia isn't letting whoever or whatever did this get away without a fight

- the palace is meant to be a safe haven for you

- for the both of you

- "well, don't you worry, we'll take care of that"

- you try to sit up but she won't let you

- "oh no, you must stay down, y/n. you are possibly concussed from the fall"

- "oh okay, sorry"

- "is there anything i can get you?"

- the countess of vesuvia, serving you in your time of need

- "just some water would be nice"

- "of course, i'll have some brought up right away"

- i literally feel like he would just start crying straight up

- cause like he has some problems anyway

- he big sad boi

- and you coming home to the hut bleeding from a gash in the arch of your foot is not helping

- picks you and carries you to the bed without a word

- just starts examining the cut

- inanna is also very concerned

- she licks the blood from the cut, she's trying to be helpful

- meanwhile muriel is stumbling around the hut looking for anything to stop the bleeding, disinfect it, bandage it, anything

- but he's not the best about keeping that stuff in stock

- keeps looking back at you with worry in his eyes

- he doesn't know what to do

- "muriel, let me see if i can contact asra. maybe he or julian can bring me a salve. i'm pretty sure i'm gonna need stitches"

- low-key makes him feel worse

- cause he feels like he's unable to care for you and keep your safe

- even tho this was just an accident

- he's breathing really fast, his anxiety creeping

- agrees anyway, but goes to get them himself

- "i'll be back soon, just keep this piece of cloth pressed against it"

- cause you're bleeding like a lot

- inanna stays behind

- he returns very quickly with julian in tow, though he doesn't look happy about it

- leaves the hut without another word

- julian gets to work immediately

- "so, you cut your foot i see"

- smartass.

- "yeah, muriel always tells me to put on shoes when i walk in the woods but i love to feel the grass beneath my feet"

- julian chuckled at this

- "and i'm assuming you, what, stepped on a rock?"

- "...yeah, sliced it right open"

- after julian is done cleaning up the cut, he tells you to just stay off of it for a while and make sure it doesn't get infected

- once he's gone, muriel trudges back into the hut

- "muriel, baby, it was just a cut it's not a big deal"

- but his eyes look hurt, and you beckon him toward the bed

- "hey," your hands on his cheeks, "i'm okay, really"

- "sorry, i just got scared. blood is still a trigger for me and since you got hurt in my woods, i felt like it was my fault"

- "muriel, of course it wasn't your fault"

- he really needed a hug

- after this instance, he made sure to keep medical supplies in the hut and you promised to try and wear shoes in the woods more often than not

- "i'll try my best to be more careful. deal?"

- sweet lil smile

- "deal."

- "oh my god, y/n, what the hell happened??"

- you were tending the garden

- without her supervision

- and the garden sheers might have sliced into the palm of your hand

- deep

- brings you over to the sink and runs water over the cut, covering it with a towel when the dripping blood had been washed away

- girl is on the move

- cause she knows what to do! love that

- low-key a main reason why julian managed to live as long as he has

- pepi is curiously perched atop one of the counters, peering down

- finds her personal first aid kit she had stashed in the bathroom

- guides you over to sit on the counter while she tries to figure out what to do

- "damn, you really cut yourself, y/n"

- "sorry! i think i just got a little carried away"

- she giggles at that, though she is still worried about the fact that it won't stop bleeding

- gently wraps the cut in gauze and adheres it together

- places a kiss to your fingertips

- "all done! no more gardening for you!"

- "hey, why not?"

- "well you don't want that cut to open back up again and again, do you?"

- "no"

- "alright then," she smiled, moving to put away the first aid kit again, "and we're going up to the palace medical wing first thing tomorrow morning to make sure it's not infected"

- eye roll

- "yes ma'am" you mocked

- even though you know it's just because she loves you

- "but since you got hurt, you want me to bake you some cookies?"

- "only if you let me eat the dough!"

- good god do i love this man

- but he is so self-absorbed it's actually insane

- and I feel like he wouldn't even notice at first

- cause he's too focused on himself

- gazing into the mirror without a care in the world when you walked in

- "y/n, thank goodness you're home, how do you feel about these pants?"

- you just hobbled to the nearest seat, hand resting over the gash on your knee

- mercedes and melchior were lazing across a rug at the base of his mirror, their attention set on you

- "u-um, yeah, they look good"

- literally just trying not to bleed out, over here

- "good? oh really, now, y/n don't they look amazing?"

- "yes, they look ama- ow, damnit"

- then he turned around

- immediate shock and worry! oh no oh no y/n is hurt!

- mercedes and melchior walked over first, whining as they took in the cut, brushing around the edges

- lucio raced over, squatting down in front of you, and began examining the cut

- "hey, hey, what happened?"

- "i accidentally tripped on my walk in the garden and scraped my knee on the cobblestone"

- he was lightly touching around the cut, gauging how sensitive it was

- when you flinched he stopped, looking into your eyes with a soft "sorry"

- "i think i need to go to the palace infirmary"

- "oh there's no need, i can take care of you!"

- you were not convinced he could take care of you, at least not well

- "uh, lucio, are you sure?"

- he looked slightly offended, at that

- "you know, y/n, i did fight in battles at one point. i have not only tended to my own wounds, but the wounds of others, as well"

- you giggled at the thought

- "much to your protest, though, i'm sure"

- he moved to the small cabinet of medical supplies in the ensuite to your bedroom, returning to your side with it in hand

- "at points, but i don't mind helping you in the slightest"

- for all of his antics, his soft side was enough to make you fall in love all over again

- and although i know he would take care of you in literally any situation, i can't say for certainty that he would stick around and place nurse lucio for long if a person had hurt you

- attacked you

- much like nadia, the guards would be sent out without a second thought, lucio leading the pack in the search for you aggressor

[c-is-for-circinate]

As promised: let's talk Hades, and how acts of abuse can create toxic environments for everyone around them, and also how people react to those environments--and to them being disrupted.

(For reference, I have just kicked Theseus's ass for the first time, it was exactly as satisfying as it was intended to be, and then I got predictably slaughtered a couple of chambers into Styx. Spoilers for everything through that point, but please no spoilers in reblogs/comments for anything after that!) Also, TW for a whole lot of discussion of abuse, particularly verbal and emotional abuse, and abusive familyworkplace dynamics.

Okay, so. To start out with, Hades is an abusive parent. He engages in innumerable acts of verbal and emotional abuse towards his son, because yep, that's what you call it when a parent constantly berates and belittles their kid for every perceived failure, including the ones the parent themselves could have prevented. Sometimes especially the ones the parent could have prevented. Zagreus failed at his office clerk job because Hades refused to teach him how to do it and then blamed him for not already knowing how. Cerberus tore up the lounge because Hades, who was actually there, chose not to stop him. Hades created, possibly deliberately, and then took full advantage of every opportunity he saw to insult and demean his kid, and the clerk job flashback shows us that he was doing so even before the escape attempts started. I'm pretty sure we're all on the same page here, but: yep, that all constitutes abuse, even if they're gods. Even if Hades has reasons for Being Like That. Even if you think Zagreus seems okay and unharmed by it (which: repeatedly throwing yourself into a gauntlet of violence that inevitably ends in your own pain and death because you're so desperate to escape home, not actually an indicator of someone who's okay). We all good on that?

Cool. Because I'm not really here to talk about how Hades' abuse directly impacts Zagreus right now (although there's for sure an essay in that too). I'm thinking about how it impacts everybody else.

Hades isn't as obviously unreasonable with anybody else in his kingdom the way he is with his kid. When we see him lecture somebody else, it's usually for an actual failure to do their job: Hypnos for literally falling asleep on the job and not doing anything that was assigned to him, Megaera for letting us past her so many time, Orpheus for being a court bard who refuses to sing. His attitude is super confrontational and unpleasant, but on the surface it doesn't necessarily look as fucked-up. Thing is, though, whether any individual act of aggression towards an employee/family member is justified or not (I would generally argue 'not', because aggression towards employees/family members is, y'know, not justifiable)--it's not about the individual acts. It's about the entire cultivated atmosphere of toxicity and abuse.

One of the very first things Meg ever says to us is, "I'd rather be on your bad side than his." Up until that point, we've got no reason to believe Meg has any history whatsoever of fucking up at her job. In fact, we've got plenty of reason to believe she's good at it. She's fiercely proud of it, she's frequently Employee Of The [Time Period], and we've apparently never even met her sisters because she handles her shit herself. But she's still scared of Hades. Dusa, who is an anxious wreck at all times because oh god what if she gets fired what if she gets fired what if she gets fired, in spite of apparently being absolutely exemplary at her job, is scared of Hades. Every single shade in the Hall is clearly terrified of Hades, and it's not because of what he's done to each of them. It's what they've seen him do to other people.

Which is how toxic environments work, whether they're work environments or families. The Court of Hades is of course both, always, with the bonus hell layer of you can't quit even if you DIE. An abuser in authority doesn't have to target you in order to make you feel scared, cowed, and desperate to please them. Humans (and gods who are basically extra-powerful humans) are good at learning by example. The residents of the Court get the picture.

So this Court is a minefield--and everyone except Zagreus is very good at tiptoeing around mines. We see it in Meg, so desperate to do her job well. We see that Hypnos very clearly does not give a shit about anything, but he still makes sure to have a list of excuses ready if/when Hades ever confronts him about failure to do his job, just in case. We see it when Achilles tells us that my ability to help you is constrained by the authority your father gives me, or whatever the line was sixty runs ago when he couldn't let me into locked chambers. The system, such as it is, works, and if Nyx talks to Hades as little as possible, if Thanatos avoids the Court entirely, if Achilles treads very carefully and knows how to keep his head down--well that's just the system, right? That's just how things are.

Even Zagreus seems to have had a role in that system as the court fuckup. He's the kid who didn't have a real job or purpose. He could take the focus of Hades' generalized, day-to-day ire off of everyone else, without triggering some of the more direct and violent ire because the work he was doing didn't really matter (a LOT of Hades' rage-triggers seem to be related to job performance, which means that the people with real jobs are of course the most at risk). And he could do so "safely" (big emphasis on the quotation marks there) because he alone of the court is Hades' actual kid, who's Prince of the Underworld no matter how much he fucks up. If one of Nyx's other kids gets something really really wrong, she might be able to protect them from some consequences, but Hades doesn't have any layer of supposed parental affection holding him back from getting violently furious about it. Zagreus gets a nice bedroom and the abuse is limited to words rather than divine power, and Hades is a dick to everyone but he only occasionally condemns people to eternities of torture, and only for good reasons like refusing to sing when your job is to be court bard, so it's fine, everybody's fine, everything's totally fine, right?

Except it's not fine when everybody is so clearly worried about anything going wrong. And it's especially not fine for Zagreus, who's the person to finally say no. He's leaving, for his own sake, because he deserves better and he's finally convinced he can have it. And that turns the whole system into disarray.

I am endlessly fascinated by the ways this game portrays different characters reacting to this upheaval in their carefully-mapped minefield. It's different for authority figures and peers and servants, different based on how people are positioned in the house under Hades' rule, and it's so spot-on and I love it.

Nyx, for instance, is absolutely calm about the whole thing, because Nyx has power. Hades can't hurt her. Hades can't even really do much against her children, not when Hypnos and Thanatos are gods in their own right. Yes, Hades rules the kingdom, but Nyx owns the land, and she gives no shits about his rages. And it's interesting, too, to see the lines she doesn't draw. The deal seems to be that Hades doesn't fuck with her, and doesn't outright threaten her kids (because Hypnos is bad at his job, demonstrably so, and Hades hasn't ruined him yet), and she doesn't interfere with the way he treats the people around him. She gives Zagreus advice and support and the mirror, but she also doesn't take a direct stand against Hades. He can't hurt her, but he could make life...difficult. She's protected, her position in the minefield is more of a safe viewing platform than slogging through the middle of it, but the mines are still there.

And then we have Achilles, who is one of my favorite characters in the whole game because of how he reacts to this whole situation. Achilles, like Nyx, is so supportive. Every single time you see him he has something encouraging to say. He gives us his Codex, secretly finds us weapons, trained us for years, clearly wants us to succeed. And still he's limited, not necessarily out of fear for himself (though he has to be scared for himself, he knows what Hades does to people who anger him), but out of concern that if he gives Zagreus too much help in one way, he won't be able to provide help at all later. He's still so careful.

Achilles and Nyx are so fucking important to this story because they're the only authority figures Zagreus really has in his life except for his father, and they are so supportive. They're what keep this story from being a nightmare of psychological horror and depression. They can't stop the pressure from Hades and this life in his house being miserable for Zag, but they can give us hope, remind us that Zagreus is still loved. And they have such an incredibly important role when it comes to guilt, which is one of the biggest ways toxic systems maintain themselves.

If Zagreus leaves, what happens to everybody else? Who takes Hades' wrath then? Who becomes court scapegoat if he's not there, and also, who gets punished for his escape? These questions matter, and we see him worry about it! He asks Nyx and Achilles both, is it going to be okay that you're helping me, are you going to be alright, will my father hurt you for this? And they are both so firm about telling him no. No, I will be fine. See, here's the list of reasons about why I'm going to be fine, why my position in this minefield is secure. They make a point of telling us that it's fine, that we do not need to hold ourself back from getting out of this abusive situation for their sake. That is instrumental in Zagreus's ability to keep making these escape attempts without feeling too guilty and worried and selfish to go on. (Another thing that's actually really important in setting up that dynamic--we see that Hades cares about Cerberus, even if he's using him as a pawn against us, and Cerberus seems to be the one figure in court who Hades doesn't get mad at. The dog isn't at risk, and that is really essential in keeping the story from getting too grim.) These people who we care about refuse to let themselves be held hostage to secure our good behavior.

It's also really useful for raising the stakes later in the story--we see Hades arguing with Nyx once or twice, and we see Zagreus feeling guilty about it, but it's also a sign that we're making enough progress to piss him off. After I finally made it out of Elysium on my last run, I came home to find him furious with Achilles in a way that actually makes me nervous, because Achilles does not have nearly as much security in his position as he says he does. (Achilles is such a good teacher/authority figure, because he knows goddamn well what Hades could do to him, and still refuses to let fear for his own situation stop him from helping the abused kid under his care escape his. And no, not everybody has the capacity to do that, but it matters so much coming from the guy who helped raise us. It matters so much. I do not even have the words for how much.)

It's also no mistake that many of the people we find supporting us along our journey are either the people with the most power in their immediate environment, or the least. Sisyphus helps us because what more could they do to me than this? Orpheus is a little wild around the eyes and somewhat disconnected from reality, and he wishes us the best because someone should get what they want and also he no longer gives a single fuck what happens to him. Eurydice has her own cozy little corner of Asphodel, as safe from Hades' rage as anybody anywhere in his realm because she's tucked in such an out-of-the-way middle place she's outside his notice. Dusa is so scared of everything anyway that, crush aside, she isn't any more threatened by us escaping than she is just by her everyday life here. Charon is unfathomable and unstoppable; Skelly literally exists to be a punching bag, and yet he also seems basically immune to pain, no matter what we do to him. There's no threat from Hades there.

So the people most at risk when I flip the world on its ear are the ones who have so much standing that they have something to lose, but not enough to protect them from losing it. Which of course brings us to Than and Meg--who are, of course, the two people who also seem by far the most upset by my attempts to leave.

As authority figures, Nyx and Achilles are constantly reinforcing the message that it's Hades' fault, not ours, if they or anybody else get caught in the crossfire of his wrath. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and it's not my guilt to bear. From Megaera and Thanatos, we get the opposite message--I am fucking with things, I am hurting people, and I need to stop. Zagreus isn't just abandoning them, as a friend or brother or lover or all of the above they're Greek gods who even knows. He's betraying them. They were in this together, as friends or lovers or whatever, but now Zagreus is sending earthquakes through the minefield they both still have to stand in. He is about to capsize this boat in the middle of a thunderstorm, he is fucking with the system, and they're the ones who are going to get most hurt.

I'm so curious how this is going to work for Than, who out of everyone we meet holds the closest role to Nyx's in terms of being sheltered from Hades' wrath. He's the guy who gets to leave, after all, even though he always has to come back. I've seen the least of him out of anybody so far because it took forever for me to get to Elysium, but two things really stand out and I'm so interested to see where they go. One, he really genuinely does care about Zagreus. He wants us safe, he wants us unhurt, the accessory he gives us only grants its bonus if we clear a room without taking injury, he keeps showing up to help. And two, he wants us to give up and go back and recognize how good we had it. Which is SO fucking interesting, considering how miserable Zagreus so clearly was, and how legitimate his reasons for being miserable were.

It makes me wonder so much about Than's standards for comparison. Does he know something we don't about what's waiting for us on the surface, something that might theoretically hurt Zagreus even more than staying down below? Has his life, which apparently allows him more freedom than anybody else in the Court, sucked horribly in ways we haven't seen, and that's why he spends so little time there in the first place? Either of those things is plausible, both of those things are plausible, and yet either one leads to this sense of patronizing, because he refuses to simply tell us. If something terrible is awaiting us, don't give us vague warnings, tell us what it is and let us decide for ourself! If you're fucking jealous because we might get out entirely and you're still stuck coming back here, say so. If you're worried about your mom--and he does bring her up, how could Zagreus turn his back on her like that, does seem to worry for her--then let's have an actual conversation about how many times she has insisted I do this and also how much I love her.

And, right, it's clear that a lot of Thanatos being upset is simply, you were going to leave me without even saying goodbye, you want to leave ME, which is understandable! But, like, he is demonstrably the one god who gets to visit the surface. He's the one person we actually COULD expect to see again. And he is absolutely also upset because there's an Order To Things, and we're fucking it up. We used to be his careless callow reckless friend who could talk back to Hades and get away with it, and now we're not, and everything is changing and we might leave him altogether, and we might leave him alone in that court without us, and he hates it.

Is it a short-sighted, selfish fear on his part? Yes, absolutely. Even if he's not scared of Hades on his own behalf, he is still frightened by what happens if we upset this system--and maybe it's the sanctity of a much bigger system than the Underworld that he's worried about! Maybe it's the whole divine and cosmic order. Whatever system he wants so badly to protect is enabling the abuse Zagreus has been dealing with for however-long he's been alive. Whatever system he wants so badly to protect OUGHT to be overturned, or at least shaken up. But this is what toxic systems DO. They convince the people within them that they have to be maintained, that a broken system that hurts the people within it is far better than no system at all, that changing the world is too scary and too dangerous. And Thanatos wants his whatever-Zagreus-is-to-him to be there, because he loves him and also because that's how the world works, and those things are all tangled up in one another, and that is how relationships are in a messed-up family like this so therefore I love it.

And Meg. Meg, the best for last, my dear, beautiful, furious, bitter, scared angry tired girl. I adore her. I am absolutely never going to date her, because the thing Zagreus needs most in his life hurts her, more directly than anybody else in the story, and that sucks, and it's not Zag's fault but they still shouldn't be together. Meg has taken more injury from this situation than anyone, quite literally as well as metaphorically, and it's not her fault any more than it's ours, but oh boy it has made her lash out and it's awful and it's perfect.

Meg's place in the Court of Hades is unique because she's not dead, not a mortal, not anything other than a god--but she's also not family. Nyx is not her mother. She's very much part of this system, she and her two sisters belong to Hades-the-realm and therefore also Hades-the-king, she can't leave, but she also doesn't have that protection of Nyx watching out for her in the same way. She's not royalty. She and her sisters (if you ask Hesiod instead of Virgil, which seems to be the interpretation the game's going with here) sprang from the blood of maimed Uranus at the same time as Aphrodite, but fuck knows Aphrodite isn't claiming them as siblings. And she can't be fired, exactly, but she sure can be demoted, and she sure can be made miserable in her job. Meg is vulnerable in a way very few people in Hades' employ are. She's a lot harder to do away with than any one random shade, but she's also a lot harder to miss blending in with a crowd.

What's more, she's the one person in this whole mess who is specifically tasked with stopping us from leaving. Hypnos isn't ordered to put us to sleep and keep us in our room. Thanatos can't be compelled or punished if he doesn't hunt us down. Achilles isn't told to lock us up and keep the keys. Meg is the one stationed at the doorway to Tartarus to keep us in. Meg is the one who gets in trouble when we leave. Meg (who Hades knows goddamn well Zagreus cares for, or cared for, who he absolutely knows we used to date) is the one who has to fight us again and again and again. And she's the one who keeps dying.

Again, it's this incredibly fucked-up guilt/hostage situation deliberately designed to keep people from fleeing abusive situations. Meg's insistence on fighting us now puts Zagreus in the position of having to hurt her himself again and again. Now suddenly we're the ones sticking a sword in our ex-girlfriend. Now suddenly someone can point to our desire to leave, to flee, to escape, and say, how selfish. How cruel. How terrible of us to want to go, when we're even willing to hurt the people we love to do it.

Except, right: Hades is the one who demands Meg stand there and stop us. Hades is the one who puts both of us in that position. Meg is also in an abusive situation, and she's willing to hurt us to protect herself. "I'd rather be on your bad side than your father's." It's easy to blame her at the start for being complicit, for being a tool of our father's abuse, for being on his side. It gets harder as the game goes on. I've killed her so many times. There's no way for her to beat me. She knows at this point that she can't beat me. She still fights, every single time, still throws herself upon that spike, not because she thinks she has any chance of stopping me but because she is so damn scared of what will happen if she doesn't try.

In fact, Meg's the one person we have actually seen face consequences for our actions so far, instead of just facing the threat of them. Her sisters are here. Her sisters, who she clearly does not want here, who are wild and violent and who she does not want in her life or anywhere near her, let alone near the job she takes so much pride in. She gets to deal with them now. (Hades doesn't have to deal with them. They're still not allowed in his court. But Meg does.) She gets stabbed, and bludgeoned, and shot, and lightning-struck, and poisoned, and every other thing we do to her. Thanatos doesn't. Nyx and Achilles and Hypnos don't. Bug Meg? Oh yes. Meg pays.

And yes, ok, she is complicit in this system. Everybody is complicit in this system. Zagreus who's trying to escape on his own behalf instead of overthrowing his father for the sake of everyone he'd otherwise be leaving behind is complicit in this system. Pointing fingers and pulling strings of who's more at fault? and who do we blame for this? is exactly how this sort of system perpetuates itself. Your sister always talked back at the dinner table and put everyone in an even worse and more violent mood. Your coworker refuses to work more than forty hours a week so now you have to take overtime to pick up their slack. You're enabling your dad by asking your sister to shut up, you're enabling your employer by working as hard as you do so you don't get fired, everyone's at fault, everyone's to blame, everyone is--

It's not everyone. It's Hades. It's Hades at the root of everything, and probably something big and institutional and fucked-up even beyond him. But even if everyone down in this Underworld does have to be trapped here forever, even if he's trapped here forever, Hades is neither challenging the system that put them here nor trying to make that fate better for anyone else stuck with him. He's just created an entire kingdom of backbiting and misery and people who can either go along with his whims or suffer the consequences.

At this point in the game, Meg is so fucking tired. Every time we run into her in the lounge, hunched over a table, the venom in her voice when she tells us "Do I look like I have anything to say to you?" is so bitter and so exhausted. There was a system, and she knew her place in the system, and it was a system divinely ordered by the gods themselves, and sure it was cruel but that's the literal will of the universe as far as she knows it. She had a role, and her role was vengeance and punishment and violence against those who'd committed the most egregious of sins in life, and there was a point to it, she was the divine deterrent to convince people not to do those things, and that was just, and that was right. The GODS THEMSELVES said so. How do you argue with that? You can't possibly argue with that!

And Zagreus is arguing with that. In trying to leave, he's questioning the unbreakable rule that nothing in the Underworld ever gets to leave it. In disobeying his father to do so, he's questioning the unbreakable rule that what the gods say is LAW. He's breaking everything.

And of course he's not trying to do any of that. He's not trying to destabilize the system at all. He's just trying to get himself out of it, to a place where he feels like he belongs and maybe a parent who's slightly nicer to him than this one. But toxic systems like this one break when the people within them have access to another option. When the kids find a way to actually leave, and not answer the phone, and not come home for holidays, and not deal with it any more. When the employees have the economic freedom to quit. When opportunities granted by education, money, social support, etc etc etc, show up and give people a choice. Even if the option is only ever for Zagreus--he's demonstrating that an option exists. Which is, of course, the one thing the system cannot ever allow.

I really like this game.

[azucarian]

NEFELIBATA - Takuya Birthday Special

Masterlist No content/trigger warning. Extreme fluff <3

Takuya had grown upset at the possibility of his birthday being forgotten; especially considering his two childhood friends hadn't even raised so much as a 'happy birthday' to him. It's not like he particularly expected a gift - although it definitely would be nice. Tapping his pencil against the desk, he frowned - (Name) was the most attentive person he knew and even she had forgotten? Maybe he failed in making it known beforehand. At this point, he just wanted to go home and curl up into a ball with the birthday cake his mother had baked him.

Now that he thought about it, Makoto had an obsession with the western zodiacs - he always looked on those weird 'zodiac luckiness' websites. Cancer, that's what Takuya's zodiac was - the zodiac of the crab. His 'aligned' personality was about him being loving and full of emotions - but also moody, suspicious and overprotective. He was not moody, he'd like to believe. The thought made him grumpy-

Ah, wait, that'd be right then.

He mentally groaned as the bell signalling the end of the day sounded, and his phone let out the identifiable ping to tell him he'd received a message. Flipping his phone up, (Name)'s contact popped up.

(NAME)-CHAN Mizo Middle headin' out early - we'll see you later Taku-chan! Byebye!

So they had truly forgotten. Takuya felt himself visibly deflate; there goes his final slither of hope. He shrugged, at least he had all of that cake to himself. He began his journey home; the train ride being oddly silent - usually the group of them would rambunctiously play whilst (Name), Akkun and himself would stare judgingly. Until (Name) got annoyed with all the stares from the elderly people and try to beat them up. For someone who didn't fight, Takuya could admit that the girl punched way too hard.

Coming home to an empty house was normal; his parents worked long jobs to provide for them (he actually appreciated their evening absences because of Kiyomasa and his gang, but he no longer feared any of that). But it felt much more empty as he slipped his shoes off- Wait, those definitely were not his shoes.

Sloppily hidden amongst the eco-friendly tote bags, five pairs of shoes were stacked. Four pairs of messy trainers, and one pair of remotely looked after converses. He nearly laughed - so they were here. A surprise birthday party, he guessed. The idiot trio must've gotten side tracked and, in a hurry, (Name) or Akkun shoved the shoes to the side and threw the totes over them.

Takuya guessed he'd humour them after all their effort. Slipping his indoor slides onto his feet and hanging his bag up on the door, he slowly made his way to the living room - and, upon entering the dark room, the lights suddenly flicked on and the distinct sound of party poppers filled his ears (and kind of scaring him, admittedly).

"Happy birthday!" The collective cheer of each person brought a grin to his face; regardless of the under-planned surprise element, he couldn't contain his smile at the sight. Kazushi, Makoto and Takemichi each had several party hats decorating their heads - almost as if they were trying to imitate a crown. Akkun was off to the side with a bright grin and a party popper in his hand. (Name), however, wasn't in sight.

He was about to open his mouth to ask where she was when someone jumped onto his back, arms around his neck "Happy birthday, Taku-chan!" The familiarly cheery voice made him laugh, and he softly thanked them all. The girl of the group eagerly dragged him towards their paper cut out of a birthday cake laid out on the table, surrounded by gifts.

Takuya slowly opened each of them.

From Akkun, a new controller for his gaming console - the boy explaining it as a 'new' method for everyone to play together, instead of taking turns with one controller. He appreciated it, and smiled softly before gently placing it back in the box (promising that he'd play with Atsushi first and foremost).From Makoto, a porn magazine - he slightly sneered at the gift, and the dumb(est) boy began to whine and cry about how 'Takuya didn't like his gift'. Even (Name) sneered and appropriately smacked Makoto on the back of the head with an apologetic smile towards Takuya. The blonde just shook his head and thanked the boy reluctantly (he had definitely thought more of himself instead of Takuya - but it was funny regardless, both Kazushi and Takemichi seemed to think so, too).From Kazushi, a bunch of notebooks, pens and pencils - explaining it to him as a new hobby to pick up. According to him, Takuya looked like the 'artsy poet' type (admittedly, he couldn't help but agree). He tested the glittery gel pens on one of the note books and grinned - they were extremely pretty, perfect for exam note-taking too. He placed them to the side delicately and expressed his gratitude.

He couldn't help but side-eye Takemichi and (Name). Takemichi was someone who would buy an extremely expensively thoughtful gift - it always made him feel guilty for weeks after, because the determined blonde would never allow Takuya to repay him. And (Name)… he visibly sweated. She had no taste in gift giving, and her gift was probably going to be worse than Makoto's - appropriate, but worse. They all exchanged knowing glances as the girl turned around to push Takemichi's gift towards him.

Takemichi had gotten a choker chain; and, as expected, it looked expensive. On the front, 'TAKUYA' was written in cursive with two ruby colored stones either side - if he remembered ride, a ruby was his birthstone. He almost verbally awed, but, instead, opted for hugging Takemichi tightly with an over-the-top thank you. The bleached blonde looked very happy at Takuya's joy."It's time for my gift now, right?" (Name) cheerily reminded, pushing a large box forward "Don't be surprised; I asked for your parents permission too." What? Takuya rose an eyebrow. Parents permission? Whatever it was, the other four didn't seem to know either - they looked just as confused.

She raced out of the room for a few moments before returning with her head poked around the door, hiding her arms behind the door frame "Don't freak out, we have to be quiet." They all nodded "Promise?"

"Promise." They all quietly spoke, and Takuya could feel himself get slightly giddy. Whatever this was, he was excited - and he hoped he wasn't disappointed (he wouldn't be, regardless, because he'd get to jokingly bully her for a bad gift for the rest of her life). She slowly turned and walked in, and the bundle in her arms nearly sent him into cardiac arrest.

The cutest puppy was excitedly wagging its tail in her grip, adoringly staring at its new friends jovially. (Name) crouched down and softly placed it against the floor, and they all watched as it clumsily stumbled towards the closest human - Takuya himself. Pressing its wet nose against his arm, its little butt wiggled with the force of its tail.

"How- wha- I don't know how to react-" For the first time in a while, the group watched as an awe-stricken and very visibly shocked Takuya brought the puppy into his arms. (Name) laughed and slid to the floor beside him, gently patting the puppy.

"I spoke to your parents the other day before school about it; they said it'd probably do you good, especially with summer break comin' up. Keep you company, and you can go on walks with her." She explained whilst watching as the other four crowded round, each taking a turn at stroking the soft puppy.

"How the hell did you get her here?" Akkun questioned. It made all of them wonder; yeah, how? She had been with them all day, so how on Earth had she gotten a puppy to Takuya's house without them realising?

(Name) snorted "I asked Mikey-chan and Ken-kun to bring her; they put her in your room, in one of those play pens. Cute little thing was fast asleep but woke up straight away when hearing the door open. She was so excited." Takuya was so in love with this adorable creature that had found its new home in his arms "She ain't got a name, so that's up to you." He lit up, and the group laughed at his expression.

"Rocky." The name sent embarrassment into (Name)'s system, as she profusely rejected the name - completely being ignored by a cackling Takuya.

"Huh, what's so bad about Rocky? Rocky-chan is so cute!" Kazushi protested.

"It's Rocky because the last time me and (Name) hung out alone together, she fell into the river because of the rocks." The laughter from everyone was enough to make (Name) hide her face in her hands, muttering a 'I hate you' endearingly under her breath.

With his new friend and playmate in his hands, Takuya could wholeheartedly say... THIS WAS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER.

TAG LIST @dot0nix @starsandkeysruler @hikkarins @valbedo @notsodeadgirlwalking​

Feel free to ask to be added to the tag list!

HAPPY TAKUYA DAY!! Honestly, as a character, Takuya grew on me progressively - I didn’t like him much when I first started but he definitely got my heart </3 He’s so pretty and sweet (totally didn't mistake him for Mikey at the beginning lmao) ~

A proper update will come out over the weekend - I’m currently looking for work so interviews have been taking up a lot of time. I promise it’ll be out tomorrow/over the weekend! I love you all!

[writing-in-april]

MGG Characters Masterlist

This is my Masterlist for characters that Matthew Gray Gubler portrays. They are sorted by fluff, angst and smut and from first posted to last. Requests are open for this actor. Upcoming fics are on my main Masterlist. ♥️=Author’s Favorite⚠️=Major trigger warning Main Masterlist

Spencer Reid x Reader

SERIES (2+ chapters):

Chronological series:

The Five Stages of Grief : Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: Spencer going through the stages of grief after the death of the Reader. (ANGST) ♥️⚠️ —completed—

- Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde: Dom!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: Reader meets a mysterious man at the library during book club. ♥️ -in progress- -prompt/request—fic swap— (18+)

Unlinked series:

Spencer Reid & Letters: Group of fics exploring how Spencer and different types of Readers correspond through letters and their relationships.(Fluff- may contain angst & smut in the future) -in progress-

Fluff:

Oneshots:

- Ghost Story : Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: Spencer tells Reader a ghost story before the power goes out.—request—

- Curl Recovery : Post Prison Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Curly Hair Reader: Spencer’s hair took a beating in prison along with the rest of his being. Reader helps Spencer gain a little back of what he lost. ♥️-Hurt/Comfort-

- 9 o’clock : Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Barista Reader: Reader is an owner of a coffee shop and learns the identity of her late night regular as well as the reason why he likes so much sugar in his coffee.

- Dahlias :Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: Spencer over analyzing what type of flowers to get for Reader for their first date ♥️-fic swap-

- Happy Coincidences : Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: You keep running into Spencer before work will you ever get his number? -request-

- The Best Time To Wear a Striped Sweater: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: Where does Spencer’s striped sweater go after the first episode?—1000 follower celebration—

- My Knight in Shiny Armor: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: Reader is a fantasy novelist and writes Spencer into their story. ♥️ —fic swap—

- The Melody Lives On: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: Seeing Spencer after so long apart makes past feelings come to the surface again.

- Cinematic Coincidences: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: Spencer can’t bring himself to go on another date that’s been set up for him- so he stands his date up. Spence seemingly can’t catch a break and runs into the date he stood up. -30 fics in 30 days-

- Origins: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader (Reader is from a specific geographical location): Reader feels homesick after a particularly gruesome case. Spencer can’t buy a plane ticket, but he can try to help recreate part of home with them. -30 fics in 30 days-

- Question and Answer: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: Garcia gets Reader to answer some questions about their feelings for Spencer. -30 fics in 30 days-

- Shining Bright Above You: Spencer Reid x Male Reader: Spencer finally gets to go out with his boyfriend after getting out of prison and gets to see the light despite the overwhelming darkness. ♥️-30 fics in 30 days-

- Unwinding in the Vines: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: Reader can’t get enough of cuddling Spencer. -30 fics in 30 days-

- Manicured: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: Spencer finally lets Reader paint his nails. -30 fics in 30 days-

Blurbs/Ficlets:

- Lactose Intolerant: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader : Spencer loves dairy despite his allergy, it comes back to bite him and reader takes care of him. ♥️

- Spooked: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: Reader really wishes Spencer hadn’t picked a haunted house as a team bonding exercise.

- Four More Months & No More Months Spencer Reid x Pregnant Female Reader: Spencer talking to their baby while Reader pretends to sleep.-1000 follower celebration-1250 follower celebration-request-

Angst:

Oneshots:

- Jinxed : Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader : Reader is deeply affected by a case and is comforted by Spencer, at the end of the case Reader gets injured. (ENDS HAPPY)

- Too little Too Late : Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: Spencer isn’t sure what he’s fighting for anymore and feels abandoned by Y/N and his team. Set post Revelations. Major Trigger Warnings ⚠️ (SAD ENDING)

- A Greek Tragedy: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader (Masc. coded) :Spencer and Reader’s lives now resemble a Greek tragedy after Spencer returns from his kidnapping. ♥️⚠️(Hurt Comfort) (Light at the first of a tunnel sad ending)-prompt/request-

- Off the Table: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: Based off the Ariana Grande song off the table. Reader wants to ask Spencer- I’d love off the table? ♥️⚠️ —1000 follower celebration— —request-

- Converging Parallels: Spencer Reid x Female Single Mom Reader: Spencer goes to a support group Penelope suggested after the death of Maeve. He quickly connects with a single mom who’s experiences have been similar to Spencer’s. -30 fics in 30 days-

- Tiny Vessels: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: Spencer is done lying to himself about his true feelings for reader, but isn’t done lying to them. ♥️-30 fics in 30 days-

Smutty (not full on smut, smut is further down):

Oneshots:

- Yeah: Sub!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: When Reader’s favorite song comes on while they’re out at a bar with the team, Reader can’t resist wanting to dance with Spencer even if it outs their secret relationship. -request-

- Training Wheels: Sub!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: Years ago Spencer taught Reader to drive despite the fact that he hates driving. When they become good at driving enough to learn how to ride a motorcycle they get Spencer to come along for a ride.

Smut:

Oneshots:

Sub!Spencer Reid x Reader:

x Gender Neutral Reader:

- Georgia Peach: Sub!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: Spencer sees reader eating a peach and goes a little crazy. ♥️ -request-

- Helping hands: Sub!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader: After a bad case Spencer needs help shaving after getting injured, he gets help from the least likely person to help in his life. ♥️ (Enemies to lovers) -prompt/request-

- Slapped: Sub!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader x Elle Greenaway: impromptu little fic that @sparklinspence and I ended up writing quickly in the reblogs about Spencer getting his cock slapped while away on a case. ♥️

x Female Reader:

- Surprise Pretty Boy  :Sub!Spencer : Spencer Reid x Female Reader : Reader hasn’t had any sex in what feels like forever, so she seduces Spencer. When they get to Reader’s apartment she has a surprise waiting for him.

- Solaris: Sub!Spencer : Spencer Reid x Female Reader : Spencer and Reader finally get a vacation, so they go and see a Russian film called Solaris. Reader coxes Spencer into getting freaky in the theatre.

- Painted Nails: Sub!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: Spencer’s dom paints his nails for date night and she goes crazy at the sight of them.—-request—-

- Plot twist: Sub!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: Reader buys a new pair of heels but they aren’t for her. ♥️ —750 follower celebration—

- Keep Reading: Sub!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: Reader brings a surprise for Spencer at their picnic date. -♥️—750 follower celebration— —prompt/request-

- Braided Brat: Sub!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: Spencer lets Reader braid his hair, he can’t help but tease her. —750 follower celebration—

- Pleasent Surprise: Sub!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: Reader asks Spencer if she can try to be more dominant in the bedroom. —750 follower celebration—

- Guest Lecturer: Sub!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: gets Spencer riled up during class while he’s guest lecturing. ♥️—750 follower celebration—

-Taking care: Sub!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: Spencer needs Reader to help him relax after some people were unkind to him —750 follower celebration—-request-

- Good in Red: Sub!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: Spencer really likes the color of your lipstick. ♥️ —1000 follower celebration—

- Green with Envy: Sub!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: Spencer gets mad over something reader can’t control and a fight ensues- plus heavy makeup sex after the fight.

- Soured Nostalgia: Sub!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: When Reader moves their stuff in to Spencer’s apartment they find photos that he kept over the years. One photo of the past springs up memories of Spencer’s precious relationship with Elle. ♥️-30 fics in 30 days-

-Erotica Explained: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: Spencer finds Reader’s erotica writing. ♥️-30 fics in 30 days-

Dom!Spencer Reid x Reader:

- Star Trek vs. Star Wars: Dom!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader Smut: Spencer and reader get into a heated argument over which is better Star Trek or Star Wars, Reader in turn breaks some of Spencer’s rules. —fic swap—

- The Case of the Missing Coffee: Dom!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader Smut: Spencer gets on Reader’s nerves just a little too much one day.—fic swap—

-Occupied: Dom!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: Spencer and Reader get caught in a bar bathroom by one of their coworkers after Reader couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. -500 follower celebration- -prompt/request-

- Birthday Spankings: Dom!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: A normally shy reader decides to tease Spencer on his birthday thinking she could get away with it —request—

- Poker Face: Dom!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: Reader thought she could get away with speaking her desires out loud as long as they were in a different language. Turns out, someone could understand her. ♥️

- April Fools: Dom!Spencer (not as harsh as others): Spencer Reid x Female Reader: Spencer needs to one up Reader just as he’s about to loose a prank war. —30 fics in 30 days-

- Dressed in Crimson: Dom!Spencer: Spencer Reid x Female Reader:(Royalty AU)Spencer is a stable boy with a passion for learning and Reader is the princess of the palace that he serves in. They’ve been in a secret relationship, the two grow restless about not being able to be out in the open. ♥️ -30 fics in 30 days-

Non specific dom Spencer Reid x Reader:

- Russian Roulette: Non specific dom: Spencer Reid x Female Unsub Reader: Reader and Spencer formed a relationship during an investigation, turns out she was the unsub they were looking for. Spencer finds the Readers hiding place cornering her, but he can’t let her go yet. Major Trigger Warnings ♥️⚠️ (SAD ENDING)

- Mismatched: Non specific dom: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: Reader is Spencer’s roommate and they have been pining after each other for a while. One morning they finally get to act on their feelings.

- The Big Bluff: Non specific dom: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: Spencer goes up against a professional poker player. ♥️-500 follower celebration-

- Any Iteration: Non specific dom: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: Reader is nervous that this new iteration of her won’t be something Spencer will like. ♥️

Blurbs:

- A Snowy Morning After: Part One, Part Two: Non specific dom: Spencer Reid x Female Reader: After being snowed in after a one night stand, Spencer wants to go for a round two. -1000 follower celebration—30 fics in 30 days-

Chip Taylor x Reader (MGG character from 68 kill)

Fluff:

Oneshots:

- Chipped: Chip Taylor x Gender Neutral Reader: Chip Taylor watching Beauty and the beast for the first time with Reader. -500 follower celebration- -prompt/request-

Angst:

Smut:

Oneshots:

Sub!Chip Taylor x Reader:

- Party Play: Sub!Chip: Chip Taylor x Female Reader: After Reader gets Chip to voice one of his deepest desires Reader takes him to a play party Reader’s friend hosts. ♥️-30 fics in 30 days-

Raymond Wadsworth x Reader (MGG character from Suburban Gothic)

Fluff:

Oneshots:

- Unsolved: Raymond Wadsworth x Gender Neutral Reader: Raymond runs into the buzzfeed unsolved duo investigating the same place he is, plus their cute camera operator. -500 follower celebration- -prompt/request-

Smut:

Oneshots:

Sub!Raymond Wadsworth:

- Spooks: Sub!Raymond: Raymond Wadsworth x Female Reader: Raymond starts sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong at the next haunting he’s investigating. ♥️ -30 fics in 30 days-

Angst:

Oneshots:

Blurbs:

- Birthday Blues: Raymond Wadsworth x Gender Neutral Reader: Raymond wants his partner to come back from the dead.

Franklin x Reader (MGG character from Beginner’s luck)

Fluff:

Oneshots:

- Bowling Ball Baby Franklin x Pregnant Female Reader: Franklin and Reader get into a fight about him not being there for Reader’s pregnancy. He has a unique way of apologizing.♥️-Hurt/Comfort-

- Gutter Balls Franklin x Male Reader: While meeting up for a friendly game of bowling with Franklin’s team some very rude people try to insert their opinion on yours and Franklin’s relationship. (Has some angst but is v happy). —request—

- Chili Cheese Fries: Franklin x Gender Neutral Reader: Franklin tries to make bowling alley food taste better during a first date. ♥️ -30 fics in 30 days-

Angst:

Smut:

Oneshots:

- The Owner’s Office: Dom!Franklin: Franklin x Female Reader: Franklin won’t stop pestering the owner of the alley about getting a discount. —1000 follower celebration— —prompt/request— ♥️

Lesley Smith-Juniment x Reader (MGG in Hot Air)

Fluff:

- Unintentionally Unrequited: Lesley Smith-Juniment x Gender Neutral Reader: Reader holds in their love for Lesley after his broken engagement. -30 fics in 30 days-

Angst:

Smut:

-Will be adding more characters in the future-

[hanjizung]

Stranger Danger.

Lee Minho x Reader x Bang Chan

Word count:  3.1K

♡ Warnings ♡: SMUT, stablished relationship, open relationship, threesome, drinking, use of alcohol, voyeurism, vaginal & anal sex, unprotected & protected sex, use of lubrication, name calling, mentions of jealousy, slightly choking, hair pulling, creampie.

This was a  request i got some time ago from this prompt list. [ 35) ���Maybe I should get you a collar so you don’t forget who you belong to.”] I hope you all enjoy this!

Completely drunk, you tripped with your own feet, separating from the needy kiss to laugh at your carelessness and then pushing the guy you were with against your front door, your fingers got a hold of your keys quickly and magically they found their way to the lock. 

The handsome stranger whose name you remembered to be something like Christian, Charlie –or just anything starting with C– continued to kiss your neck, leaving purpling bruises along your skin. 

You opened the door, making Chase fall backward when you turned the doorknob to open it and get inside to continue your passionate encounter in the privacy of your home. 

Again, you laughed and helped him stand still and close the door behind you, throwing your keys to the coffee table and letting your bag fall to the floor. Clayton missed no time in getting back at you, pushing you against the door and pinning your hands above your head. At this point your legs were already starting to shake, all the buildup of the moment since he told you hello at the club had been a great start, the jokes he'd told you, the flirty comments he allowed himself to say with a smirk and the way he let his large hands travel all over your body when you two were pushed together when dancing were the cause of this. 

Of course, maybe this unholy state of horniness was also triggered by grand amount of alcohol you drank since you arrived at the place, but also because since a few days before you were feeling extra needy, and your hands and toys weren't enough to satisfy you anymore, you were craving a real man. 

And this Christoph guy really offered to help you, when you grinded against him for the first time while dancing and he held you tight and growled in your ear. It had been a fantastic view, your hand on his cheek, his on your hip and his eyes closed with his nose scrunched and moving so he growled right in your ear. It turned you like you've never felt before. 

You jumped after he indicated you to do so, carrying you to the nearest surface where he could start what he was there for. 

Taking off your top, you threw it to the coffee table behind you, returning your attack to his mouth, your tongue all the way on his mouth savoring the alcohol he was drinking earlier with you. 

The guy was as excited as you were, his hands were on your hips, his grip there being strong enough to leave some mark, and your hands took advantage of the position, touching his well marked abdomen and feeling his muscles. 

Unluckily, all the fun that was about to happen ended when the front door opened again and the light turned on, and standing by the front door with a case that you knew was full of his own clothes and some gifts for you, stood your boyfriend. 

He wasn't pissed, clearly. You'd call the expression on his face something more like 'amusement', as he enjoyed the view of you on top of some other guy. A raised eyebrow and devilish smile soon replaced the previous expression of surprise. 

"Who is that?" the guy under you asked, but you just rolled your eyes and tried to kiss him. He didn't seem to be a bit bothered, as you felt the lack of a bulge against you. 

"Oh, she didn't tell you about me? I'm Minho, her boyfriend" he answered for you, taking his jacket off and sitting on a couch next to where you were with the blond hottie. 

"You have a boyfriend?" blondie asked. You nodded, not ashamed. 

"We have an open relationship. Now please, weren't you going to fuck me?" you pouted, going near his ear to murmur something only he could hear. "I'm so needy, I've been so alone and I need to be filled, please help me…" and you looked at him, with your best puppy eyes. 

Muscles smiled, shrugging. "If your boyfriend doesn't mind, I might as well help the pretty damsel then" he said, pulling you in for a kiss.

Minho sat silently, his eyes looking at every move and every touch of you with the other guy, he was paying special attention when you left little moans that encouraged the other man to do what you liked. 

No name had special skills, his hands ghosting on your thighs as you grinded on him desperately, his hard cock hitting you again where it was before, and surprisingly, in the blink of an eye, Nameless had you under him, your panties on the floor and his fingers tracing circles around your clit, teasing you and causing you to close your eyes with a sigh, enjoying the attention that he was giving you.

Having your legs wide open, you knew that Carlos wasn’t the only one paying attention to the way your body was reacting; the way his long fingers made you drip, and how hot it was to be supervised by Minho. You were enjoying every second of this situation; being the center of attention and feeling so spoiled from how good you were being treated. 

Long fingers suddenly entered you, making you moan and bite your lip. The guy who was between your legs added his thumb to the mixture and started massaging your clit in slow circles, he was making you feel amazing, but yet when you opened his eyes, you couldn't look at him, focusing on Minho instead. He had his hands on his thighs, the bulge in his pants allowed you to know what you already suspected, he was enjoying the show, maybe a little too much. 

Connecting his eyes with yours, Minho smiled. That's when you tried to provoke him, moving one of your fingers to your lips and playing with them before allowing it to enter your mouth. You pretended that it was his hand instead, licking the index finger once and once again, until he couldn't resist and succumbed to your game, undoing his belt and taking his cock in his hands. You could see his tip leaking some precum, which he used to lubricate the rest of himself before he continued to enjoy the performance. 

The unknown guy inserted another finger in you, making you squirm and moan particularly loudly –mostly because you wanted to give a proper show to your beloved boyfriend, but truly the guy knew what he was doing– and one of your hands went to take off the clothes that covered your hardened nipples, pinchen them between your pointer finger and your thumb and biting your lip, trying to look as the sexiest person alive. Your eyes traveled down to where he had his hand busy, and your mouth watered. 

Minho had his cock in his hand, he was stroking it lazily, his fingers were so elegantly wrapped around it and his length was slightly glistening from the lubrication he provided, the illumination wasn't very good, but you were sure that you were a lucky one for being able to see him in that state; he seemed like he was one of those old fancy paintings that was controversial during the old days, his expression of pleasure when he closed his eyes in ecstasy and the wink he gave you when he saw you looking at him, plus the fingers that were inside you… you saw him mouthing you name and that was all it took to have you orgasm around the hottie's fingers, mumbling pure nonsense because your mind was blinded from how you felt. 

You lied there, with your legs open and panting heavily, trying to recover from how intense that orgasm had been. Once you opened your eyes again, you looked into the blonde's lustful eyes and went "I want you to fuck me real hard" with your best puppy expression. 

The giggle that came out of his mouth was adorable, but you didn't have time to think of that when you pulled his hand so he would be above you, him trying to steady himself to not fall on you and once he was steady, he aligned his cock with your entrance, you could already feel it, waiting for it so expectantly like a kid on a toy store…

Only to be left disappointed when Minho stood up and stopped the guy by placing a hand on his shoulder. 

"I don't think I ever caught your name," Mimho said, grinning at him because he knew he ruined the experience for the both of you. 

"I'm Chris, or Chan if you like that better. Do you have a problem? I thought you guys were okay with this" he said, removing himself from you. You rolled your eyes, but said nothing, waiting for Minho to handle the situation. 

"Actually, yes, now that you ask, there is a little problem, but I think we can work together to solve it, depending on what Y/N says, of course" you looked at him with wide eyes when you heard your name, then looked at Chan to find him looking at you as well. 

"Y/N, baby, you know you're precious and real hot stuff, I've missed you too, sexy, and I'm a little jealous that you're letting him fuck you first. What if we make an arrangement, huh?" he asked. 

With an arched eyebrow, you answered him "what are you asking me, exactly?" 

And the answer to your own question didn't come from him, surprising you. 

"I think he wants me to fuck your ass… are you really okay with that? Of course you don't have to, you can suck me off too" Chris said, looking at Minho who nodded, and then at you. 

Not answering, you stood up and ran to your room, bringing a half filled bottle of lube that you handed to Chan who was still on the couch. 

"Good girl, God, I knew that you would be greedy enough to take the both of us at the same time. You, stand up" he said to Chris, who quickly followed your boyfriend's order. 

Minho sat on the couch, taking off all his clothes and then making you sit on him, pumping himself a few times before entering you. Your previous climax helped for you to adjust to his size, and once you felt ready you simply nodded. 

Chan seemed to understand, squirting a bit of lube on your asshole and massaging you gently for a few seconds. He pushed your back to Minho's chest, exposing your bottoms to him, and being this close to Minho, you heard him clearly when he spoke to you. 

“Maybe I should get you a collar so you don’t forget who you belong to, hmm? What do you think, would you like that, kitten? A pretty collar with my name on it so you know who's your owner?" he asked, voice deep and serious to demonstrate his dominant voice. You felt his hand petting your hair gently when he was done asking you. Your cheeks blushed intensely at his words, an inevitable whimper coming out of your lips caused by the effect his questions had in you, but said nothing because you knew the way your walls tightened round him were enough reaction for him. 

Behind you, you felt Chan aligning his member to enter you, the tip of a condom that you've never realized exactly when he put it on making you squirm in excitement as you turned your neck to look at him through your lashes, waiting for him to finally enter you and be destroyed by the two of them. 

Chris smiled at you gently, and placing his hands on your hips to hold you still, he finally entered you. He started slowly, afraid of hurting you much from this weird sensation that you'd never grow accustomed to at all, and you opened your mouth, face resting on Minho's chest as you felt every inch of Chan going deeper into you. It was like that until he stopped, staying still for you to get used to the feeling of something inside your ass.

"Y-you can move now" you babbled, not only at Chan but to Minho as well, you were positive your body could take them at the same thought. 

After hearing you, Chan growled under his breath, pulling out from you at the same pace he had entered you; under you, Minho placed his hands on your thighs and tried his best to do the same as Chan and finally start the real party, there was no ending to his plans until he had you screaming his name in pleasure. 

Soon, the three of you found a good pace to follow, and then all that could be heard on your small department was the hurried breathing of the three of you, along with the particular noise of naked skin against more skin and your moans, crying out from how overwhelmed you felt. It was weirdly unexplainable, you felt amazing being with the two of you, but you felt so good that you couldn't think straight anymore. 

Chan's hand snaked on your back until he reached your hair, his fingers tangling themselves on locks of your hair and suddenly pulling it, dragging a surprised scream from your throat. 

Minho took that opportunity to his advantage, having you away from him but still inside you, he could clearly see you from under, appreciating how much of a goddess you seemed, he was enamored with everything of you, also seeming amazed at the fact of how much he was enjoying to see you being used by another man while you still showed that you preferred him over them. 

He raised one of his hands to play with your chest, playing with your nipples with one hand as the other hand went higher to wrap itself around your exposed neck, it became too much of a te ration for him to simply ignore, so he squeezed you gently, carefully because you had too much going on already. 

Meanwhile, Chan pulled you towards by your hair towards his chest. He wasn't as gentle as Minhon was trying to be, but the contrast of that excited you more. 

His hand traveled across your stomach, you felt his hand touching every inch of skin that was on the way to where he was going, and when he reached there, he started leaving little kisses on your back, his fingers rubbing your clit and making you shake a little. 

Upon seeing what he was doing, Minho stopped playing with your nipples to grab one of your hands that were holding his wrist, tangling his fingers with yours. From the was your oussy started to contract and the tears forming on the corner of your eyes, he knew that you were close. 

His other hand left your throat free as he looked for your other hand to hold it as well, he wanted to let you know that he was there for you, and that he was paying attention to your reactions.

"I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum!" you cried out, causing Minho to smile gently and to move his hips to thrust as hard as he could into you to bring you over the edge. 

He succeeded, and your mind went blank while strange noises of satisfaction came from you and your interiors squeezed Minho deliciously, he loved the face you made when you orgasmed, and adding that he was still inside you, he came a few seconds after you, letting all of him paint your interiors with his seed. 

Judging by the lack of thrust from his counterpart, Minho realized that Chan had also found his release, removing his hand from your clit to wrap it around your waist until his orgasm was gone. 

You lasted like that for a few minutes, being hold by Chan's powerful arms and eyes lazily open to look down at Mimho with a soft smile, you weren't sure if you were done for the night, the only thing you knew was that you were feeling tired. 

Removing his hand from your hair, Chan freed himself of your hair and let you position yourself however you wanted above Minho, pulling out from you and taking off the used condom, standing up from the couch to throw it to the trash without saying anything, giving you and Minho a bit of privacy. 

"Round two?" Minho asked you quietly, kissing your forehead and then pushing you back so he could get out of your sensitive pussy.

"Let me rest for a bit and then we can start again" you replied, picking Minho's shirt from the floor and cleaning his cum from your dripping pussy.

Chan came back and looked at the two of you with a raised eyebrow. 

"What do you say of a round two, Channie?" you asked him playfully. He made a surprised face at your sudden question. 

"Are you sure you can take more?" he said. You heard Mimho scoff next to you. 

"I told you, she's my greedy kitten, always want more" he told him, "you're up for a next round, then? This time I'll let you her pussy, I have an idea of how we can shut her up, it's late and we don't want to wake the neighbors, right?" Minho said, turning his head to give you a playful smile. 

"Sure, let's leave them sleep" you rolled your eyes. "Before we start again, can I propose that we move to the bedroom?" you looked at Minho who simply shrugged and nodded, so you turned your head to Chan to tell him where it was located, not that he needed to know because he had already found the bathroom on his own, but to let him go before you so you could breath and get mentally ready, excitement flowing on your skin. 

Chan left, leaving you and Minho alone again. Your boyfriend politely gave you a hand so you could stand up from the couch, pulling your hand towards him so he could embrace you, kissing you harshly and as passionately as he wanted to do since he entered the house again, haply that he was finally able to do it. 

"You're gonna be the fucking death of me, Y/N. You're a demon, you know that, right?" he whispered on your face, before kissing you again and leaving you out of breath. 

"My wicked little angel, we should've done this sooner, you look so fucking hot when you're crying from pleasure, baby" and after saying that to you, he left in the direction of your room, leaving you behind to think.

You breathed in before going after them, stretching and cleaning the sweat off your forehead, product of the activity done before, and when you felt like you were ready, you went to your destination. 

"Let's start the second round." 

[outoftheblue-if]

[this may be a triggering ask, so it's totally okay If you prefer to not answer it!] This last few days I have been feeling really down since my (male) friend spent a night at my house. He used to have a crush on me a couple years ago, and I still think he does. I never felt the same for him and he knows it. Still, he keeps touching me in ways i don't feel comfortable, keeps taking pictures of me I don't ask for/don't give him permission to do so, keeps staring at me even when I notice it and try to make him stop.. and much more. And the worst of It all is that...he knows the things I have been through, the traumas I still have to deal with.. he specially knows who did this to me. I just wanted to scream "CAN YOU PLEASE STOP", but I would just freeze every time, and I could only hold my tears until I was alone.

Despite It all, your blog is making my days so much better, thanks to you and your lovely story and characters. Thank you very much!💙

So, for the question, what would the ROs do seeing something similar happening to the mc?

Oh, honey! I'm so sorry this happened to you! 💔 It sounds like a terrible situation to be in. Makes me so angry on your behalf, I’m fuming!! I know you may just be here to share and vent a little, get your ask answered, which is completely valid, so feel free to skip the next two paragraphs if you don't want my input 🤎

Possible TW - under the cut for length

This does not sound to me like a person you'd want in your life, not to mention invite into your home, which should be a safe space for you. A friend that doesn't respect your boundaries - boundaries that you've explicitly set in the past, is no friend at all, if you ask me. It's perfectly normal to freeze and not be able to say anything, especially with a friend, and especially when you've suffered through trauma before. But as your friend, he should be able to recognise your unwillingness and your being uncomfortable all the same, particularly when he knows your history.

To me this is completely unacceptable behaviour. It’s very understandable that you’re upset. I know it's not that easy to cut someone out of your life though, and I'm aware I don't know enough about your situation to really speak on it, but this type of behaviour makes me so angry and saddened on your behalf. Again, I'm so sorry this happened to you, it's a very difficult situation to deal with. 

I'm happy my blog has been able to make you feel better though, and that you can take comfort from these characters ✨🤎 I've said it before, but I will reiterate - my asks and DMs are always open if any of you need a friend 🤎I won't ramble on any more though, just sending you a virtual hug full of good vibes. You deserve so much better 🤎

On to your question!

So, for the question, what would the ROs do seeing something similar happening to the mc?

I’m not sure if you meant in a relationship, or just crushing stage? I’m going to assume crushing stage.

Isobel: Would be furious, this type of behaviour makes her blood boil. If she saw this, and you were clearly uncomfortable, she would immediately step in. “That’s enough.” If there were other people around, she wouldn’t want to cause a scene, only because she doesn’t want to make you even more uncomfortable. If no one was around, she would rip this person a new one about inappropriate behaviour and not respecting people’s boundaries, before gently escorting you away from them/out of there. She would be raging inside, but would try to push it down for your sake, opting instead to ask you if they’re all right. If you were super upset or crying, Isobel would secretly wish she could go back and throttle the person, but settle for swearing that you never have to encounter that person again, she’ll make sure of it. And you never would. She would be extra hovering and protective for the foreseeable future too, making sure something like this doesn’t happen again.

Max: Max doesn’t really get angry very often, but this would make them quiver with anger on your behalf. They can be surprisingly intimidating when they’re angry, mainly because it’s such a shocking difference from their usual demeanour. They would step in, and angle themselves in front of you to separate you from this person as they serve them a chilly look. “Ah, name, I just heard Lord Ashton asking for you, I think you had better scurry.” A clear warning in their tone. They would then gently escort you away, their eyes softening into a worried frown as they ask you if you’re ok. If you were visibly upset, or cried, it would absolutely break their heart, and they would do anything to make you feel better, their arms itching to pull you into a hug. If they could lovingly squeeze away all your fears and sorrows, they would. 

Clara: Would be absolutely disgusted with this behaviour, feeling vehemently angry on your behalf. She would step in and politely, but firmly tell the person to leave. As much as she wants to tear into them for their behaviour, she wouldn’t in case you didn’t want to. She too would escort you away from there, gently asking you if you’re all right. If you cried, her hear would wrench in her chest, and her eyes would likely well up too. Seeing you upset, upsets her more than anything else. She would wish she could go back and verbally tear that person to shreds, making sure they never approached you again, but she would settle instead on comforting you any way she possibly could. Asking if you wanted to go home, or what you wanted to do. Anything she can do for you, just say the word. She wants nothing more than to bring you home, wrap you up like a burrito in blankets and cuddle away all your hurt. 

Richard: Oh boy, Richard would be furious too. This is absolutely abhorrent behaviour in his eyes, completely inexcusable. He would step in, positioning himself in front of you, and curtly tell this person to make themselves scarce. His eyes would be blazing with fury on your behalf, and he can definitely look pretty imposing when he’s angry. Would then escort you away, and awkwardly ask you if you’re all right. Seeing you upset, or even crying, makes him want to go back and strangle that person. He’s not very good at offering comfort, particularly when he’s not even sure it’s welcomed, seeing as you’re not even in a relationship. Would very awkwardly ask you what he can do, what you need, while secretly wanting nothing more than to wrap you up safe in his arms and never let you go. 

William: William would be absolutely sick with worry and anger seeing you in an uncomfortable position like this, watching on with his stomach churning and his heart burning in his chest. He might hesitate to step in, worried that he’s overstepping, or that he’s reading into it, but eventually he wouldn’t be able to bear it anymore, as you clearly look uncomfortable to him. He would step in, between you and this person, but keep his eyes and focus on you. “Are you all right?” He would ask softly, searching your gaze. “Do you want to leave?” If you nod, he would escort you away from there, desperately wanting to wrap his arms around you and tug you close, protectively. If you were visibly upset or cried, he would be absolutely kicking himself, feeling wretched for not stepping in sooner. “I’m so sorry, MC, I should have stepped in sooner.” Seeing you upset feels like a knife to his heart. “What can I do? Anything you need, anything you want…” Yearns to pull you into his embrace and promise you that no one will make you feel uncomfortable ever again. 

Sending all of you good vibes ✨🤎 

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

The Sommelier (Hannigram x Female!Reader) pt. 19

The plot fucking thickens.

@dovahdokren @lov3vivian @deadman-inc-bikeshop @scpdragon @wisesandwichshark

Trigger warnings: implied racism, religiously motivated violence, kidnapping

“So I heard you’re a civilian consultant for the FBI now?” Charissa said through the receiver. “That’s exciting. Are you being paid?” 

“Yeah, actually.” You sat up on the bed. “It isn’t a ton, but it’s enough to get by until I can go back to work.” 

She groaned. “Why would you want to come back to work here?”

“Well, for one,” You laughed. “I’d get to see my best friend in person.” 

“Are you sure you can’t give me just a little hint as to where you’re hiding out?” She pleaded. “No pressure, but you left your umbrella at the restaurant and it’s just been sitting in my car this whole time.” 

“Oh shit, I was wondering where that was.” You held the phone between your shoulder and your ear so you could reach for a Russian chocolate from Hannibal’s bedside table. You popped one through your lips and held it in your cheek. “Thanks dude.” 

You could hear the smirk on Charissa’s face. “So did you ever get the sommelier to call you?”

You wanted so badly to tell your best friend every juicy detail, but your acute paranoia held you back. You couldn’t risk putting making Hannibal and Will targets. But then again, it was Charissa. 

“You’d better not tell anyone about this or else I’ll sever your spine with my goddamn teeth.” You threatened. 

Your friend’s ears perked up. “Go on.” 

You looked around the room for any sign of Hannibal and to make sure Will hadn’t gotten home yet. When you knew the coast was clear, you cupped your hand over the speaker. “We totally just fucked.” 

Charissa pretended to be shocked. “Oh my god, I could have never seen that coming!” 

“But that’s not all.” You shushed her. “The guy that saved me from getting blown up, the FBI agent, I’m sleeping with him too!” 

“You slut!” She cursed, playfully. “I didn’t think you had it in you to sneak around.” 

“No, no!” You whispered. “That’s the best part! They’re into each other too. So we have, like, an agreement.” 

“Like a throuple?” 

“Not ‘like’ a throuple.” You corrected. “Just a throuple.” 

“Dayum, girl.” She said. “You truly have become the alpha female.” 

“Darling?” Hannibal called out from downstairs. He sounded worried.

“Is that him?” Charissa asked. “Are you with him right now?” 

“Okay, goodbye.” You said before abruptly ending the call. 

You descended the stairs and found him in the living room. “What’s wrong?” 

He said nothing, letting the television answer you. 

“At approximately six this evening, Evangelical pastor Calvin J. Armitage was arrested for firing the first shot in what would become a deadly shootout with the FBI.” The anchor said. “Entering the megachurch premises to ask questions about the still-open Baltimore Butcher case, Agent Crawford of the Behavioral Science Unit is on site for an exclusive interview.” 

Jack looked deeply shaken, and had blood stained all over his jacket. He drew in a deep breath before speaking. 

“Special agent Graham and I arrived at the church with the intention of asking Pastor Armitage about his relationship to Chase Mulvaney.” He began. “He was compliant to begin with, then became defensive. He then called the local police, claiming that a-” 

Jack paused, a look of slight disgust on his face for what he was about to say. 

“-A large black man posing as a federal agent was threatening him.” He finished. “He then held us at gunpoint until the police showed up. While I verified my identity to the chief, Pastor Armitage opened fire, shooting me once in the shoulder, then ran. Special Agent Graham went after him. Then both men disappeared. We believe Armitage is holding Graham hostage, but upon further inspection, we have seen no signs of either man in the church.” 

You covered your mouth with your fingertips, too afraid to acknowledge anything with words. Hannibal gently placed his hand on your leg and looked into your eyes.

"Listen to me, [F/N]." He said, desperation in his voice. "You need to tell me what you and Will figured out from the investigation, and fast. Any information at all could tell where he might have taken him."

"The Blue Ridge mountains." You answered with more certainty than was warranted. "He took Will to the mountains just like in Borrasca."

"That's over six hundred miles of land, not including altitude." Hannibal pointed out. 

You pressed your fingers to your temples in attempt to slow your thoughts. “You think I don’t know that?” 

“Please, just tell me anything about Chase that could narrow it down.” He pleaded. 

“He has a ministry.” You blurted out. “In the Blue Ridge Mountains. Something luxurious, meant for Christian women.” 

Hannibal bolted to the office to find his computer. “That’s a start. Keep going.” 

You snapped your fingers to try and kickstart your memory. “Chase is a narcissist, but not a creative one. He stole his title from NXIVM and his cult personality from Handmaid’s Tale. I think that means he doesn’t understand satire.” 

Hannibal’s fingers danced across the keyboard, filling the silent house with frantic clicking. “That also means the name of his ministry might be a thinly-veiled reference to something he doesn’t understand as well. What else?” 

You tugged at your hair. “I don’t know, how far could he have gotten in the last three hours?” 

“It doesn’t take very long to get from the city to the mountains.” Hannibal answered. “They could be anywhere by now.” 

You groaned. “We don’t have that kind of time. Hold on a minute, let me get my laptop.” 

Unsurprisingly, Chase had scrubbed the internet clean of every trace of himself. You were forced to read between the lines. You scoured every ex-fundamentalist forum you could find. You posted on every subreddit that had anything to do with evangelical ministries. You opened dozens of tabs with everything from a PDF of the Handmaid’s Tale to case files of class action lawsuits in Frederick County. 

Minutes turned into hours and the hours stacked up. You had to hit yourself in the face every time you felt yourself drifting off. 

“What are you doing?” Hannibal asked, after a particularly loud slap. 

“Trying to keep myself awake.” You said over a poorly-timed yawn. You knocked yourself against the temple a few more times. “Come on you sack of shit, wake up.” 

Hannibal snatched you by the wrist. "Stop that this instant."

"Why should I?" You said, on the verge of angry tears. "Will is probably fucking dead and it's my fault, so yeah, I'm a sack of shit."

"Don't say that." Hannibal tightened his grip on your wrist. "He's not dead and it is certainly not your fault."

"I can't sleep knowing Chase took him." You admitted. "I just can't."

Hannibal sat down next to you. He cupped your face in his hand and rolled the tears away from your cheeks.

Hannibal opened his computer. "We'll sleep in shifts. Send me everything you have so far. You'll sleep better knowing I'm looking for him."

"Fine." You said, dumping a handful of links into a document and sending it to his email. You decided to go to sleep right there on the couch with your laptop in arm's reach, so when your shift was up, you could get straight back to work. You drifted off to the ambient noises of Hannibal typing away.

You woke up to your text notification sound.

[nctsjiho]

JiHo vs Geo (NCT JiHo’s Duality)

Fan Video by ‘NeoVerse’ on Youtube

(indented text = comments added by the maker of the video, in this case NeoVerse) So we all know JiHo. One of NCT’s rappers and dancers. She’s always portrayed as cool, confident, intimidating, so for today, let me introduce you to Geo.

The cute, easily embarrassed 00 liner, whom everyone in NCT (and the fandom) has a soft spot for. Though whenever Geo comes out she’s usually getting teased by the boys...

^^ Let’s get started!

[JiHo Vlive ft. Taeyong & Taeil 190407]

“So we’ll be in America soon for the second leg of the Tour.” Taeyong said. “Are you excited?” JiHo asked looking at the oldest of the three. “Yes, we’ll finally get to see all our overseas fans. And we’re even going to see Johnny’s home-”The 3 of them looked off camera once loud noise started to fill the room. The voices obviously belonged to Dream. Taeil and Taeyong shrugged it off and Taeil continued to talk. The noise wasn’t too loud, but it was still a bit distracting non the less.

JiHo continued looking off camera every once in a while. It looked like she finally made eye contact with one of the young boys, because she squinted her eyes a bit more and suddenly the room became silent besides for Taeil talking. The girl gave the tinniest nod before looking back at the camera and joining the two other men in their conversation.

In the background you could hear a door close just after a few silent “sorry’s” were heard. 

JiHo: the NCT member who can make Dream, who never stop talking, shut up without even saying anything. The power this girl has

[‘NCT - RESONANCE Pt. 2’ Departure Ver. Jacket Behind the Scene]

Loud cheers filled the echo-y room as JiHo walked in. All the 23 boys were already in their spots, but the girl had walked in late (for an unknown reason). She hides her face in embarrassment as she approaches Renjun who was standing on the far right side of the bleacher-like structure. “JiHo needs to go up one level!” One of the staff members yelled.

JiHo gets up on the structure a hand helping her up, it was Johnny.  As she stands up completely she notices she is standing between Johnny and Sungchan. “Please tell my I’m not standing between these two giants.” She looks in the direction of the staff, face full of concern. Her comment causing almost everyone to laugh. “Why? Don’t you like standing between us?” Johnny teased poking at her side. She squints her eyes at the taller man, triggering a few more laughs out of him.

The director instructs the girl to stand between Ten and Shotaro on the other side of the structure and she quickly walks over to them, almost tripping on her way over, where Ten greets her with a big hug. “Ah so cute~” Mark cooed, looking at the embarrassed girl.

[NCT World 2.0 ep 4]

It’s really no secret that JiHo is a very athletic person. She works out and tries out new sports for fun. So even though she might not have the strength as her male colleagues (well most of them, sorry Kun), she was definitely one of, if not the most, agile members in the group.

When they announced the next game, JiHo’s team mates had look slightly worried. The vault was already at 1.70 m which was already taller than her, though JiHo would never openly admit that.

It’s only when the vault is at 2 m high that the members realise the smaller girl had cleared all the previous heights successfully. She’s now standing at a couple meters away to sprint towards the vault.

“We didn’t expect JiHo to make it this far.” Defconn commented. “She’s definitely an ace.” Kim Hwan, the other presenter, added.

We’re talking about the same JiHo right? This girl can literally carry her members on her back!

“Wow~ Look at noona’s face.” Jisung pointed out to his team mates, who unfortunately didn’t make it. The girl had her eyes set on the vault. Completely focused she put up her fist. “JiHo, challenge!” Her first few steps were big but slow, then her pace started picking up, until she had reached the vault.

“Ji-” The camera picks up the shocked faces of the boys as her team members jump to her aid. JiHo was laying on her back on the blue mat, the vault in pieces all around her, with one of the pieces almost making its way towards the girl’s face. Thankfully because of the concerned boys’ fast reflexes they helped avoid a big accident.

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked now that they were standing again. “I think I can make it though...” She furrowed her brow, shocking the boys with her comment. Despite all the boys’ protest JiHo was one again standing at the starting position to run towards the vault.

Taeyong stood up in a panic. “She isn’t going to try again right-” “JiHo, challenge!” And without a second of hesitation she ran towards the vault, 5 boys ready to save her in case she was to fail again. Once her feet hit the mat she looked at the camera with a smirk on her face and a fist in the air. She had cleared the vault.

“I swear to God her confidence is going to be the dead of me.” Taeyong let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

[NCT World 2.0 ep 2]

JiHo’s challenge was to do a rope skipping routine. Since she has been rope skipping for as long as she can remember, it wasn’t really that hard. The challenging part came from that she had to learn a specific routine and execute it perfectly within 10 minutes.

After 3 minutes she had the short routine down, some moves were slightly more difficult, but nothing she couldn’t do.

“JiHo, challenge!” She yelled out. She pulled of the routine effortlessly. Or that’s what she thought at least. Everyone had jumped to their feet, cheering JiHo on those who never saw JiHo rope skipping completely in awe at what she just pulled off. “Let’s go-” Mark had yelled, just before the lights turned red. “Mission failed.” The deep voice boomed over the speakers. Everyone stunned, they could’ve sworn she just did it right. But after review JiHo realised her mistake.

She stood closely to Jaemin’s seat who asked her if she got the routine down now. JiHo nodded while she absentmindedly swung around the jump rope. A particularly hard swing causing the rope to round her back and hit her left arm harshly. The loud sound of the rope hitting her skin was accompanied with a wince at the sting. Jaemin had jumped up asking if JiHo was okay. The girl had slapped her hand against her reddening skin before she started whining that it hurt.

Jaemin took the opportunity to baby her. “Aigoo~ You need to be more careful.” He said rubbing her arms, before pulling her into a hug. The boys who sat a bit further away had started laughing once they realised the girl was okay. “Jaemin-ah, they are laughing at my pain.” She pouted and the boy pulled her closer, glaring at the other members.

Yangyang... I saw you laughing at our baby girl... 

[NCT JiHo notices SASEANG at the Airport]

In the shaky fan video with not much context you could see NCT at the airport. The reason why they weren’t moving unknown. The only thing you could tell from the first half of the video was that NCT was standing in the middle of a clearing in the airport with tons of fans surrounding them.

Jeno and JiHo were standing next together, being filmed by the fan. She kept on glancing in a particular direction. At some point Jeno leaned in to whisper something in her ear and she shrugged in response, her body seemed a bit tense.

After another couple of seconds went by, JiHo suddenly starts moving in the direction of the fans - the same direction she kept glancing at. This caused the fans to start screaming and a body guard to quickly try and catch up with her.

It isn’t clear what’s being said, but JiHo exchanges some words with a male fan. She then puts her hand out, the fans around her going quiet. The man hands JiHo his unlocked phone and she starts scrolling through it. With a bitter look she hands the phone back, grabs her own, takes a picture of the man and then leaves. Once she reaches the boys again an indifferent expression remains on her face. Jeno’s hand massages the girl’s shoulder but she doesn’t seem to relax until they are able to leave the airport.

Apparently the male “fan” was a sasaeng and on his phone were pictures he had taken of JiHo and the rest of NCT (?) during their overseas schedules in places no fans were allowed. She deleted them and taken a picture of him for the security, possibly also for the authorities.

[NCT 127 fan event @ Capitol Records]

After everyone had gathered on stage, it was time for each member to introduce themselves. JiHo was last in line and when she started talking in her mic, it was clear that her mic did not work. The girl looked back at the staff, but they didn’t seem to notice directly, so she turned to her right and grabbed Doyoung’s mic. He didn’t let go of it, causing the girl to lean in towards Doyoung and start introducing herself. “Hi! I’m JiHo.” She giggled slightly embarrassed, which emitted a chorus of “awe’s” from the fans.

Later on in the interview, now with a working mic, the question “Who is the most attractive member of the group?” had been asked. Some members had answered already but the interviewer asked JiHo’s opinion. “Uhm...” She hummed as she looked over her members. “I think everyone is very attractive.” She gave as her final answer which left everyone a bit “disappointed”. A fan interjected, yelling, “We all know you think it’s Jungwoo!” JiHo’s face turned the brightest shade of red as she looked at the audience in shock. Everyone at the event had burst out laughing and JiHo sank back in her chair.

[NCT JIHO Choreography | More Than That (Lauren Jauregui)]

JiHo’s know as a bit of a tomboy. I mean she hangs out with dudes pretty much 24/7. So when she dropped this video, let me tell you, we NCTzens were shook.

As the music starts playing the lights slowly turn on. JiHo is sat in the middle of a dance practise room in a chair, head tilted slightly backwards, exposing her neck.

The camera comes closer and JiHo makes eye contact with it, her mouth is slightly agape and she stands up. She hits every beat, dancing in her own, cool style, nothing very girly or sexy, until a certain line comes up.

“I got a situation, I can tell you wanna know“

She brings her clasped hands up, stretching them out above her hand, before pushing her right hip out circling it from the front to the side. She lets her hands drop back down.

“How you can take an honest girl and turn her to a”

Her facial expression turns more cocky. Her left hand goes down the side of her body onto her left thigh while she moves down to an almost squat position. Her right hand comes up from her chest to her neck at the end of the line where the singer lets out a gasp.

Turn her to a WHAT? Explain Lim Jiho! Into a what exactly?!

Stan twitter of course went crazy at the sight of their tomboyish, innocent girl choreographing such a seductive dance. Besides those two lines, most of the dance was just her usual boyish hip-hop style. But the whole vibe of the song, along with her facial expressions had caused such beautiful chaos. Also JiHo in those sweatpants and a sports bra/crop top was something NCTzens weren’t ready for yet.

[Weekly Idol ep 410]

This is probably my favourite JiHo moment ever. For a bit of context. The people sitting down on pillows have to come forward for the members they want to be partnered with and show their charm. After everyone has “seduced” the sitting member, they must close their eyes and if their rose gets picked they are partnered up.

The reason I like this so much is because JiHo was already pouty since Doyoung and Yuta were both seducers as well so there was no chance of partnering with them, but she really wanted to team up with either of them.

After Mark danced to ‘Pick Me’ (and JiHo did everything in her power not to cringe, she failed), he turned around to see which members would come over. When he turned around he saw 4 faces. Those of Doyoung, Jaehyun, Yuta and JiHo. The last two he didn’t expect to come.

One by one they all had to explain why they picked Mark. “Dude, honestly I just don’t want to be picked last.” The girl said in English sending Mark into a fit of laughter. They than had to show show their charm through singing, dancing or acting cute. Once it was Doyoung’s turn, he started dancing to ‘Pick Me’, just like Mark did earlier. “Oppa! I wanted to do that.” She said annoyed to which Doyoung looked shocked. “You were going to dance to a girl group song?” She just rolled her eyes.

Once it was her turn the host had encouraged her to dance to ‘Pick Me’ like she initially planned. “If you do it better than Doyoung, you will have a better chance.” One of the boys had reasoned, that was enough for JiHo to stand up.

She patted down her sweater before getting “in the zone” and she started dancing and singing the song as if it was her own. Some of the boys started cringing at the unfamiliar sight of their female member acting girly and cute, willingly. Then the camera shows Yuta and Jungwoo who were clearly enjoying the show and Taeil smiling fondly as well.

omg this is peak Geo behaviour <3 How is she this cute? Is she really a member of a mostly male group?

Cut to JiHo getting rejected right after Doyoung gets rejected. They sit back next to Johnny, the girl’s head resting on Doyoung’s shoulder. “I guess dancing to that song wasn’t the way to go.” She sighed.

This time it’s Jungwoo’s time to choose a member. He danced to ‘Havana’ to which everyone joins in. Once seated it’s time to start the next round. When Jungwoo faced the group again everyone, including JiHo has come forward.

Johnny danced and Jaehyun and Doyoung sang for Jungwoo, then it’s the girl’s turn. “JiHo! Aegyo!” Haechan yelled and before she can say anything, Yuta agrees. She looks at Jungwoo with a sigh. “Oh it doesn’t look like JiHo really wants to team up with Jungwoo.” Doyoung teased. JiHo quickly dismissed his claim, poking his side which had him twitch.

“Oppa... I think we could make a really good team.” She said with her face rested in her hands. Than she points at her heart. “It would really hurt right here if you reject me.” At the end of her sentence she stands up and throws her rose away. Everyone is dying from laughter or second hand embarrassment. The girl takes a few deep breaths to calm down and she sits back down.

ngl even though that was very cringy, how is JiHo this good at aegyo? I’m sure Jaemin would love it...

They have to make eye contact with the Jungwoo now and once it’s JiHo’s turn she locks eyes with him with ease. Her eyes never faltering which intimidates Jungwoo a bit. “JiHo, you’re supposed to make a connection, not scare him away.” She swats Doyoung’s arm at his remark.

Guess what. Our poor girl was rejected once again

JiHo stands up with her cushion and walks back behind the line. “I danced for you!” She points at Mark. “I acted cute for you!” She points at Jungwoo. “And this is what I get?” The girl actually looks a little agitated which prompted in Jungwoo hugging her and apologising, but she pushes him away. “Whoever my partner is, he and I will end your team.” She threatened while raising her brow. But she only manages to look cute, because she still has a pout very evident on her lips. The tall boy cooed at her and patted her head before walking back to his chair.

Finally Taeyong takes his place on the seat. Once he turned around he could only see Jaehyun and Doyoung sitting back at the line, making a heart with their arms together. A look of despair washed over his face for a quick second before he realises JiHo wasn’t there anymore.

“Where’s JiHo?” He asked and the boys motioned him to turn around once again. When he does he finds JiHo holding her hands up in a heart above her head. “I’ve been rejected twice by those men there.” She points towards Jungwoo and Mark. “And now Doyoung has betrayed me as well. So please be my partner.” Her tone is slightly sad and Taeyong nods and pulls her into a hug.

My heart! :’( She wanted to be in a team with Doyoung from the start, how could he betray JiHo like that!

“Let’s win this!” JiHo yelled, a smile finally finding it’s way back on her face after she found a partner.

That was all for today’s video! Thank you so much for watching! 

---

Side Note: This post is inspired by a post by @nct-aria​. They’re an amazing NCT addition blog, which I definitely recommend you check out.

[mithrilwren]

Here we go, the cadwulf that wouldn’t let me sleep in this morning. How did this ship happen to me so quickly, and why did my brain decide it needed to be poetic... these are questions that may never be answered.

[Also on Ao3!]

“You don’t like meat, and you don’t like drink.” Eodwulf grins, arms uncrossing. “Is there anything you do like?”

“Well,” says Caduceus.

Eodwulf’s fingers brush the edge of his hair.

“Well?”

And Caduceus never finishes the thought.

---

It turns out they can be persuaded - Astrid, and Eodwulf. Though it’s really Astrid who accepts their second invitation. Eodwulf’s eyes flicker to her before agreeing, and Caduceus notices, as he did the night of the dinner. A hierarchy, it seems, wherein Trent is lord, and Astrid advisor - which leaves Eodwulf a vassal of some sort. Not unacknowledged, but lower down.

Still, when Astrid has drifted to the bar and Caleb and Jester follow, and Fjord and Veth ply Eodwulf for one more round, he has no one to look to for guidance. Caduceus might have expected him to seem lost, except he flourishes under the inattention, growing bolder, more boastful - challenging Yasha to a test of strength, and losing, but only just - and Caduceus’s own attention grows, as bulky muscle strains beneath fine black velvet.

(Tonight, it was Eodwulf who pulled back his chair. “A favour for a favour,” he’d said with a wink, and Caduceus would not have blushed, only it’s strange - nobody’s paid him the courtesy before.

But Eodwulf’s dark eyes were shining with mirth, and he’d blinked his own brighter ones, and taken a seat without a single word of protest.)

The evening is spent in distraction. Eodwulf and Astrid, from their lives of solitude and scrambling; the Mighty Nein, from the next long road ahead; and Caduceus, from his good senses. It’s an indulgence, to pretend that Eodwulf’s attentions to him are anything beyond a man who appreciates a like sense of humour. But Caduceus pretends nonetheless, and grows freer by measures, enjoying the warmth of good natured teasing as much as any liquor flush.

Flirting, he’s tried before, but it never seemed to hit the mark, and his own eyes flicker to Fjord, and Caduceus brings them forcefully back to Eodwulf’s hands on the table - now rough there, now soft another place - one slapping for another drink, the other calling Caduceus over - and Melora help him, he goes.

For the wine of attention is sweet, and sticky red on Eodwulf’s lips, and he thinks he should be allowed to taste it, while he has the chance.

Surely, by now, he’s earned that much.

---

Caduceus is not a man quick to anger. If pressed, he would say he hates nothing at all.

But he hates-

He hates Trent Ikithon.

He hates what he’s done to Caleb, and what he continues to do to the people in his care, and he hates that his lies are not lies in a way Caduceus can discern with a keen eye and a careful glance. They are written in the bone, in the flesh. The body is so corrupted it can no longer tell rot from flower, nor truth from falsehood.

There is no saving this man.

But there may be hope for the others.

Righteous rebellion is the name he gives to the fluttering in his stomach, as they draw Eodwulf - Astrid as well - closer into their circle. A big ol’ middle finger to Trent, as Beau would say. To save someone who sees no way out, from under the nose of a being of impossible strength-

He’s done it before.

So, too, he names the fluttering excitement, and anticipation. Even remembrance, of the way Fjord looked at him, the day he’d given him the Wildmother’s symbol, and Caduceus had almost thought-

But no, he’d thought wrong.

And here he is, ready to make the same mistakes again.

Eodwulf looks at him from across the table. Astrid is down the way, but he never once glances her direction as he asks, “Something not agreeing with you?”

It’s care, in a gruff sort of sense. His deep voice rumbles through Caduceus’s chest, in the way he knows his own does for other people. Yasha sometimes says that it helps her sleep, so he’ll talk the night away, telling nonsense stories until they both drift off.

What would it be like, to curl up in those arms, be held close to that impossibly broad chest? To be small, and large as well - as much as he needs, in whatever direction?

He pushes the thought away.

(Sometimes, he tires of being the one who has to know where the lines are.)

Eodwulf taps his fingers on the table, still looking at him thoughtfully. “I could use some air,” he says, and raises an eyebrow. Caduceus nods, unable to break Eodwulf’s steady gaze, because try as he might, the thought keeps returning, again and again.

They leave together, slipping out into the Rexxentrum night, and the rational part of Caduceus’s mind cries danger, to be separated from his party and alone in the company of their enemy’s servant, and the lonely part cries he wants you, he wants you, in a reckless, unquenchable clamour.

“I know a place,” Eodwulf says, “where it’s a little quiet,” and Caduceus knows the words, and the words beneath. He is not so young, so naive, to miss the subtleties of Eodwulf’s speech.

‘A little quiet’ means to be alone. And to be alone is…

He half expects to be led off to some back alley out of Jester’s tales - for murder or something else, who can say - but the streets Eodwulf takes him by are wide and well-lit. Caduceus’s foreign clothes are noticeable even in the dead of night, and people stop to stare as they pass by, eyes drifting over Eodwulf like a shadow to land on him. His hair, his height, his dress - all abnormalities perused and catalogued, before people resume their nighttime strolls.

It’s not unusual, nor particularly bothersome, to be watched. But one older gentleman stares a little too long, and doesn’t stop staring even after Caduceus dips his head in friendly greeting, and something in the air changes. A hand reaches out and grips Caduceus’s arm, drawing him back into the centre of the street. Eodwulf appears suddenly - though he was always there, Caduceus remembers. It’s just that his presence wasn’t felt, until now.

It must take practice, for a man the size of Eodwulf to disappear. Through magic, Caduceus can manage the same, but it’s more of a reflex - the trigger is fear, and the duration beyond his control. But Eodwulf becomes a shadow, then a looming gargoyle of a man, then a shadow once more, and all of it is done with intention. He doesn’t doubt that the watcher would be dead before Caduceus could blink, if that’s what Eodwulf decided to do.

He grins at Caduceus as the man scurries away, and Caduceus returns the smile faintly, and wonders, who have I let myself follow into the dark?

He finds he knows the answer, and it doesn’t frighten him like it should.

The fluttering returns, moth wings between his ribs beating in time with Eodwulf’s heavy steps - loud and obvious, like they weren’t before. Like a war drum, their march is a warning for anyone else who might darken their path.

See, this is my street to walk. See, this person is under my protection. Hear me, and stay back.

They come at last to their destination: a little park with scattered trees, at the centre of which sits a stone building. Its sides are carved with olive branches and vines, and its doors are shut, and the coldness of death seeps from every crevice, and mingles with the dewy scent of grass and yesterday’s rain.

Eodwulf leads him to a bench, and they sit side by side, listening to the breeze in the leaves, not speaking, though Caduceus still has many things to say. He wants to ask where they are. He wants to know if Eodwulf talked to one of his friends about him, and if that’s the reason he brought him to a mausoleum, instead of some sweeter daytime sight.

He silently wonders if they both feel at home in a graveyard, and if there has ever been anyone else, who looked at one with the same reverence as him.

“It’s quiet here,” Eodwulf answers, as though he had asked, and Caduceus nods.

“It is,” he agrees. There’s nothing more that needs to be said on the matter, and somehow they both know it, without needing words. Eodwulf crosses his arms over his chest and leans back, tipping his head to stare at the stars above, and Caduceus tries to mimic him, but the bench isn’t meant for a person of his stature, and he ends up sitting straight again.

“So,” Eodwulf says, casual enough to tell Caduceus the conversation is about to become anything but. “So, you came.”

“I did,” Caduceus answers, and his voice is steady, but a smile doesn’t find his lips. Eodwulf turns his head, shifting, until the meat of his shoulders is facing Caduceus.

“I’m glad.” The twinkle in his eye is still there, and his lips hold the smile that Caduceus lost, as he shifts again, bringing their knees together. Caduceus swallows. “I thought you looked bored in there.”

“I don’t mind a tavern… but I also don’t drink,” Caduceus answers noncommittally. “So it does get a little dull at times.”

Eodwulf huffs a laugh, and sits back up. “You don’t like meat, and you don’t like drink.” His smile becomes a grin, his arms uncrossing, and Caduceus follows their movement with his eyes, mouth dry as kindling. “Is there anything you do like?”

“Well,” he says, with nothing to come after it. The moth in his chest beats its protest against the silence.

There’s a line here - a line, that he’s meant to keep track of. That he’s not meant to-

“Well?”

And then again, there are fingers in his hair, and then again, there’s a mouth close to his, and warm breath, rich with ale and bread and earthy things, and then again, Eodwulf is confident, and his grin is sure, and maybe-

He doesn’t need to be the only one who knows where the lines are.

Caduceus meets him halfway, and then lets himself be pulled closer, and closer, as fingers tangle in his hair, and broad arms encircle his back. He opens his mouth, and Eodwulf follows, and the wine is sharp on his tongue, for being the first he’s tasted. But the flavour changes, the longer he drinks.

No longer startling in its newness, the feeling melts down to something softer.

A new taste: heavy, and warm, and sweet.

[lacrimaomnis]

BRF Reading, 5/10/2021

The cards were drawn yesterday (4/10) my time, around 11pm.

This will be the last question I ask about this Politico debacle and after that, I won't be asking any questions about this alleged Operation London Bridge leak again as the news seems to have died barring any official inquiry. This reading is under the cut as I pulled more cards than usual.

As written, this is merely a speculation and therefore must be taken with a grain of salt. This speculation is not true until proven otherwise.

My question is, what kind of documents regarding the leak did Politico have on its hands?

Cards drawn: Ace of Swords, Queen of Wands, Queen of Pentacles, The Tower, Ten of Swords

Underlying energy: Five of Wands, Eight of Wands, The Hierophant

Remarks/Comments: The dominating suit of this spread is the Wands (four out of eight cards) and Swords (two out of eight cards). Wands are the suit of creativity and passion; it is volatile and highly temperamental due to its association with the fire signs. Swords, on the other hand, is the suit of rational thoughts, the cold and clear power of the mind, associated with the air signs, so it is very interesting to see two opposing suits appear in one spread.

Summary: Politico has on their hands the documents that were given as a way to exact revenge and to chase prosperity. There are tensions surrounding these documents, and there is a need for us to look deeper beyond the surface, as it might not be what it seems to be. There will be a major change as things unfold, and these documents may be the reason for someone's downfall or trigger an end of something.

First card: Ace of Swords. Aces tend to be about new beginnings, but Ace of Swords tend to be not about that. This card speaks about clarity of vision, deceit, and self-illusion; emphasising the need to approach things with a clear mind and focused intent. This card speaks about the need to look for hard evidence and data, the need to put your emotions to one side and let the facts do the talking, and the need to look at things critically because not everything is as they seem. This card seems to suggest to me that yes, while Politico did have the documents on Operation London Bridge, there is also something else; the need to look deeper than the surface is there.

Second card: Queen of Wands. She is a strong figure associated with an Aries person. She is charismatic, mysterious, energetic, and warm; a charismatic queen with independence and confidence that is infectious and heart-warming. She is highly busy, a powerful ally, and a strong leader. However, she can be tyrannical and deceptive, manipulative and domineering, vengeful and resentful. She seems to tell me that the documents Politico acquired were given as a means to exact revenge by someone spiteful and resentful towards the BRF, that the documents were weaponised to hurt the BRF.

This falls in line with my first spread saying that the purpose of the leak was to inflict heartbreak and pain upon the BRF. Here the Queen of Wands tells me of someone vengeful that wants to inflict pain in the worst way possible -- Queen of Wands is a very strong character and what she wants, she gets.

Third card: Queen of Pentacles. She is the most motherly of all Queens, embodying the ultimate motherly archetype. She is nurturing, fertile, wealthy, successful, she embodies happiness, prosperity, and fertility. She is practical, motherly, and secure. As a court card, she stands for a Capricorn person.

Each Queen in my deck is depicted with an animal companion. The Queen of Wands is depicted to be accompanied by a black cat, while the Queen of Pentacles is depicted to be accompanied by a rabbit. Outside of a home situation where they cohabit and are raised together, cats are rabbits' natural predators. Coming after the Queen of Wands, she tells me like the black cat that appears to chase after the rabbit the Queen of Pentacle holds in her arms, the attitude taken and represented by the Queen of Wands was a way to chase after prosperity, as the rabbit symbolises prosperity.

Fourth card: The Tower. One of the two major arcana cards in this reading, The Tower heralds a change that cannot be denied or delayed, an upheaval that turns your world upside down, and a revelation that may shake you to your core. It speaks about liberation, catastrophe, drama, and pride. In my deck, this card is illustrated as a tall tower being struck by lightning as people leap or fall off the tower. This card is ruled by Mars and in my deck is associated with the sign Aries.

The lightning symbolises a sudden flash of truth, a revelation that changes the way we think and how we see the world. This card seems to suggest that the kind of documents regarding Operation London Bridge Politico have will create upheaval that will disrupt many lives -- in what form, I do not know -- but since this is a major arcana card, it is expected that we can see this upheaval publicly.

Fifth card: Ten of Swords. This is a card of ending, of betrayal, hurt, loss, economic hardship, pain, and disappointment. This card heralds an ending: of the cycle, an end of relationship or business or partnership, or even the end of a way of being. This card is depicted as a lone deer stabbed with swords, emphasising the need to go through the difficulties alone because sometimes we do need to go through our darkest times alone.

Coming after The Tower, this card seems to suggest that whatever the upheaval turns to be, it will result in exposing a betrayal and an end to something. If any inquiry is launched into investigating the documents, it will perhaps result in an end for the source and perhaps for Politico as a whole. As this card belongs to the suit of Swords, this seems to tell that the end will not be pleasant -- it will be harsh, painful, and unexpected.

Underlying energy 1: Five of Wands. This is the card of tension, conflict, and bickering. Sometimes this is the card where there is a fight for the sake of fighting, with no clear reason or cause. This card also speaks about people who cause unnecessary tension or even sabotage you, and the way to resolve the conflict is to look at things clinically and logically. This card is illustrated as two dogs fighting each other with a bird hovering over them, as the dogs wanted to eat the bird. This card seems to tell me that there is tension surrounding these documents, something similar to a do they don't they situation.

Just like how the bird can easily fly away, leaving the dogs fighting for something that is no longer there and they will realise sooner or later that the bird they want to eat is no longer there, this card also seems to tell me that while everything seems to make no sense and jumbled and there are theories abound, give it time to settle. There are certainly works being done behind the scene, and when it is time, we will know.

Underlying energy 2: Eight of Wands. This is a card of movement, speed, travel, haste, and progress. This is a very speedy card, indicating an urgency to move. This card appears when the time is right to take action, or when we have moved too quickly that there is a need to delay the action and think about our action thoroughly.

Coming after the Five of Wands, this card comes across in two ways. First, it is an advice to us all to tone down all the speculations and theorising about the supposed leak until further notice. Second, this card seems to suggest that things are moving quickly -- for example, if the palace is investigating this leak, then they have their investigations well underway.

Underlying energy 3: The Hierophant. The second of two major arcana cards in this reading, this is the card of institution, learning, organisations, community, conventionality, and traditions. Ruled by Taurus, this card represents the need to conform to the rules and fixed ideas. This card represents both the Queen, a Taurus, and the BRF as a whole. This leak is seen as a breach of rules and trust, particularly to the Queen, and the BRF wants this to be resolved as soon as possible, indicated by the Eight of Wands. This card also affirms that the documents Politico have on their hands indeed are about the Queen and are related to Operation London Bridge.

Bracketing cards (the first and the last card of the spread): My spread starts with Ace of Swords and ends with Ten of Swords. In tarot numerology, Ace is considered number one and Ten, well, 10. 1 and 10 are considered the strongest numbers available on pip cards, as they herald a beginning and an end. This seems to further elaborate on the energy the spread is giving me: the documents will result in an end for someone or something. The initial drive was there, it was strong, but in the end, it fizzles out and ends things for someone or some people. There is a sense of impending things, an end that cannot be delayed or denied because it will happen anyway.

Conclusion: Although subtly and not stated outright, my cards think the documents Politico has may have some new details that will perhaps result in an official inquiry because I see the same message over and over again in all of my three spreads. Unless I grossly misinterpreted the message my cards give, I think we will hear news about an official inquiry being launched into this leak case. Then again, as the Eight of Wands strongly advises in this spread: we may need to delay theorising and throwing suspicions here and there before there are official announcements from the Palace or a press release for this case, like the unnamed source quoted by DM mentioned if it turns out that an official inquiry will be opened.

[teawaffles]

The Conspiratorial Bullet: Chapter 7, Part 1

T/N: For the first time, a chapter will have three parts ( ; ω ; ) This is one very long scene..!

TW for this chapter // Mention of death, blood

If there were a hole in the ground, he would dive right into it.

——Is that what one would call this state of mind?

That was what Kevin Curtis thought as he nervously wandered the forest alone.

After they’d bid farewell to Albert, for a while, he and the elderly nobleman Andy had continued walking on with no destination in mind. Then they ran into a couple of nobles from the opposing team, and somehow started shooting at one another; before he knew it, for some reason, he had found himself all alone.

When the fighting started, Kevin had panicked and knocked into Andy. He’d then dropped his revolver somewhere, and descended into an even greater panic. Kevin crawled on the ground to search for it after that, and just as he’d finally found his own gun, the next thing he knew, he was both lost and alone. For about a minute, Kevin had hugged his knees as he fell into despair, such was the height of his misery.

“But it’s a good thing this card was here.”

Kevin spoke to himself, brushing his fingers over the card that had been tied to the revolver. Without it, he wouldn’t have had the confidence to say that the gun he had picked up was his own. On the card, the number 8 was clearly written.

“But what should I do now……?”

He kept going “But, but” over and over as he swayed, repeatedly turning his head to look around him. Even though the forest wasn’t very large, perhaps it was the strangeness of his surroundings that heightened his unease, for it had begun to seem oddly complex and bizarre.

In times like this, if he were here——

The figure of that man rose to his mind: his business partner, Helena’s father, and his best friend.

In contrast to the timid Kevin, he had an endlessly bright and cheerful personality. There were times when Kevin had thought that cheeriness bothersome, but the man was optimistic, and loved a challenge, which meshed well with his own pessimistic and cautious nature. The store they’d opened and run together had been a success, so much so it had grown into an enormous department store.

Why did he just disappear? Kevin knew it was useless to think about it now, but even so, he still couldn’t help but feel that way.

They’d known one another for ten years, yet Kevin hadn’t noticed him being particularly troubled. Their business was progressing smoothly, and it didn’t seem as though he was having problems at home. After Helena had been born, his wife had fallen ill and passed away, but Kevin was certain that he and Helena had come to terms with her passing for a long time now.

Even so, perhaps there was something else that no one knew about, which had been gnawing away at him for some time. Then, why hadn’t he noticed anything? Kevin had asked himself this question many times over as he was interviewed by the Yard.

Of course, there was the line of thought that no one was to blame, and he’d been abducted by someone. In an industry where resentment was common, perhaps there were some people who would resort to such extreme measures — and Kevin had been too careless to anticipate it. Whether he wanted to or not, that incident came to mind. That was why…….

Unconsciously, Kevin’s eyes began to search for the girl he had taken in.

That was why he would at least protect Helena — that was the duty Kevin had taken upon himself. Even after her beloved father had gone missing, Helena had never once lost her outspoken spontaneity, nor shown the slightest sign of grief, and he was staunchly determined to protect that resolute spirit of hers.

“Hm?”

Unexpectedly, his train of thought had been interrupted. Speak of the devil perhaps, or maybe his thoughts alone managed to influence reality. As Kevin stumbled through the forest, before his eyes appeared a lone girl with her back turned to him.

——Was that Helena? From her hairstyle and clothes, it did appear so. Strangely, she was sitting in the tall grass, her back hunched as she hugged her knees. She appeared to be staring intently at something before her, without showing any sign of having noticed Kevin behind her.

He pondered. Now, he and Helena were on opposing teams. Moreover, this girl, who seemed to be Helena, had exposed her back to him, leaving herself full of openings……. In this situation, what was the right thing to do?

If he were to play the part of a kind and generous father, he could call out to her, and let her shoot him on purpose. But he was quite certain that Helena, prideful as she was, would want a serious battle; if she knew he deliberately let her get away, it was inevitable that she would throw a big fuss about it no matter what good intentions he had.

In that case, should he fire on her right now? But then he was worried he might upset her, and just as all sorts of concerns whirled around Kevin’s head, someone thumped a hand on his back.

“………!”

Kevin had almost let out a yelp, but he frantically clapped a hand over his mouth as he spun around. There, he saw Andy Krueger, whom he’d lost sight of in the battle earlier.

The man placed an index finger over his mouth, signalling Kevin to stay quiet, and walked up beside him.

“That’s Helena-kun, isn’t it?”

Andy sounded fairly certain on that, and Kevin lowered his voice as he spoke.

“I just happened to come up behind her, and now I’m not sure if I should shoot.”

Andy gave him a wry smile.

“That’s quite like you. But even though it’s just for fun, you shouldn’t bring parental affection into a fight. Go on, get her before she runs away.”

“A-Alright.”

He had thought of Andy as a compassionate person, but it seemed he also had this surprisingly severe side to him. At the elderly nobleman’s rapid insistence, Kevin was on edge as he aimed his gun at the girl.

“Come on, quickly now,” Andy pressed.

There was no space for objection. Without thinking straight, Kevin pulled the trigger.

——Bang. A sound like a crack resounded through the air.

The recoil was stronger than expected, and Kevin fell on his bottom. Half stunned, he felt a little out of sync: perhaps it was because he was a complete amateur with a firearm.

However, that shot had felt subtly different from the previous times he’d fired his gun. The sense of incongruity that had arisen when he fired the shot, as well as a mysterious unease, both hit him simultaneously. Getting to his feet, Kevin looked at the girl in fear.

The girl lay curled up quietly on the ground. On her back was a huge splash of colour. But it wasn’t the hue of some artificial paint — rather, it was an ominously bright red.

“……Huh?”

That sinister red blotch gradually bloomed across the girl’s back. As he looked on, Kevin tilted his head in a comical motion.

It was the first time he had hit his target: to think, the colour would be as realistic as that. Moreover, the girl had yet to move a muscle. Maybe she was diligently pretending to be dead.

Kevin’s thoughts couldn’t catch up with the reality happening right before his eyes. As he stared ahead in a daze, beside him, the elderly nobleman spoke up in horror.

“Kevin-kun……. Was that, a live bullet?”

At that word, Kevin came back to himself. He looked at his revolver: both his hands were trembling abnormally. No way. Just now—— did he fire a real gun?

“Why? This is a toy, isn’t……”

“Give it here.”

Andy snatched the revolver from his hands. The card with the number 8 fluttered in the air. That’s right. Wasn’t it precisely that card which proved definitively that the gun was the one he’d been given? But even that little hope had been so easily crushed.

After briefly inspecting the gun, Andy gazed at him, wide-eyed.

“This is the real thing. You’ve just shot and killed her.”

His tone was emphatic, as if he were pronouncing judgement upon him. Kevin’s mind was a complete blank, but Andy shook his shoulders and immediately jerked him back to reality.

“You’ve done something terrible now, Kevin-kun! To think, you’ve killed your own child!”

“N—No…… I was just, playing a game—”

“That excuse won’t hold up! You’ve committed murder!”

As Andy shook him over and over, the word “murder” echoed in Kevin’s mind. Certainly, it was as the old man said. No matter what reasons he had, it was an unquestionable, irreversible fact that he had killed someone.

Andy went on volubly at a rapid clip.

“This is bad. If you go on like this, it’ll be your end. A murder conviction will strip you of your wealth, your name — everything. But you’re lucky that I’m the one who witnessed it. First off, let’s hide the body somewhere inconspicuous. Then we’ll make it seem as though Helena simply disappeared, and you can hide away in a foreign country. Once the furore dies down, you can come back; until then, leave the plans for your new store with me.”

“N-Now hold on just a minute!”

Even as he was overwhelmed by the force of Andy’s arguments, Kevin somehow managed to interrupt his proposal.

“We don’t know for sure whether she’s dead. If we give her first aid right away, she might still be saved. And what did you mean about leaving my plans for the store with you? What does the management of my store have to do with you?”

Kevin’s points were valid, but Andy refused to listen.

“Look at her! She hasn’t twitched at all: of course she’s dead! And it’s the same with the store! You’re a murder suspect, while I, a noble, am clearly more trustworthy, so it would be obviously more effective if I were to operate it——”

“——You’re getting a little ahead of yourself, Lord Andy.”

As if he’d been possessed by something, Andy was just making an impassioned speech when a refreshing voice cut him off.

Kevin looked up, and caught sight of a man standing behind Andy.

[crewelintentions-if]

I didn't knew we had partial-ro's???? I would love to know more about them, please Re! Partial because their romance is not as deep or because they count as flings only? Thank you so much for answering the spicy asks, wonderful work!

😊😊😊 Yes! I'll make an official post about all the ROs because much of their availability hinges on the Concurrent Story System and what I'd like to accomplish with regard to relationships! also, I❤️ answering the spicy asks, almost as much as I love world-building/lore questions! There is much character analysis in how we navigate sex and gender so!!! 😀

Anywho, yes I can spare a lil about the Partial-ROs now. Especially because I was trying to flesh them out a little more this morning!

When I say Partial, I mean in a manner of "I think it would be fun to sprinkle flirt options with these potential clients" & "I think it would be REALLY funny if skipper had a meeting with gilder and gilder was like 'do NOT fuck the client PLEASE.'". So they're more akin to flirt -> fling -> it's never going to happen because of x x and x reason -> aka they're Doomed Romances.

Then I got enticed by the nature of le Doomed and thought it would be fun to flesh out the politics of legacy & mystic families so I've been toying with something... intense in my notes. 😏

Here are a few common denominators between the two:

-> You'll formally meet them through Gilder's COSS plotline. This plotline can be triggered a little earlier by meeting with Gilder during Gilder's Home Route. I haven't written this scene yet, but she hands you dossiers for both Florin Zaibyr Ayizan and Ausar Dionbyr Irmak. You'll meet them during part 2!

-> I've been flip-flopping about their gender presentation, because they're both very minor characters and haven't been particularly loud in any direction. Originally, Florin was meant to be the same gender as Skipper while Ausar would be the opposite of Skipper's/same of Kieran's chosen gender presentation. However, currently, I am somewhat interested in making them the same gender as Skipper, because I am currently interested in having a few hard-set same-gender ROs. I also might go a neo-pronoun route while making them "same gender" as Skipper but I'm very particular about moving through the space of neo-pronouns rn. so... who knows honestly.

-> They've both been claimed by Elder Hand Titans with Major Patterns. This holds different meanings for both of them, which will be briefly explained later on in the post.

-> Ideally, you will have an opportunity to expand either of their romances into something more full and fleshed out, depending on what Legacy Mission you pick with Timor in Part 2. This allows you to make it official, to get a confession, and not just toy with implications. But I am potentially still going to end them with le Doomed. 😀 😃 🙂

Spoilers but Gilder is a bit more slow-paced than Kieran and Ilian, but also the one most prone to jealousy so I thought two Partial-ROs to fuel that would be fun for her route LMFAO. And Florin + Ausar will gladly amp that work drama up.

Now some quick facts below the cut:

Florin's family owns a prolific credit union, known as Medallion. They know Gilder personally, as the Ayizan family is a Mystic bloodline, similar to Gilder. The only difference is that Florin's family possesses notoriety and money while Gilder is the sole provider of what remains of their family. More on this during the dossier scene.

Florin was originally described as "affable and quiet, but incredibly greedy." I haven't written anything with them yet and have struggled to find their voice (spoilers but ya gorl René practices character voices for writing and gamemaster purposes! i suck at dialogue so i have to do this haha) but I've been drawn in by their greedy aspect. I'm going to heighten that big time me thinks. And turn their quietness into a soft-spokenness, not stoicism or shyness like originally intended. 😀

Florin might be a twin, I'm still working on that aspect. Point is you're gonna meet their sibling during their narrative and it's crucial to their journey. Especially because this sibling was made an Eidolon while Florin was not.

This morning I've decided to make Florin partially deaf (while also thinking I might make Kieran hard of hearing for Plot Reasons) and thus they're going to be using sign language, specifically of Fiendish origin vs the Standard in Plathis. I thought it'd be cute to call it Devil Shapes or Fiend Fingers. Maybe I should run a poll... 😆

Nsfw fact <3: Florin is definitely more visually motivated than most of the ROs. They'd really like sending and receiving pictures + are a big time sexter. I toyed with the idea of them doing sex work during their initial conception and decided to transform that to more of "Florin is a regular patron of sex works because of brief history in the sex industry" and would 🙃 lose their fucking mind if Skipper ran some kind of online situation of their own. the only time they would spend recklessly LOL

Ausar's family owns a necrotic security firm, known as Osiris Sentinel. They are (originally) not a local to Madras and were sent as a stand-in to do business on the behalf of their cousin. Somehow, my notes say Ausar is a Minister??? of Energy??? Which isn't a mistake, but it means it changes a lot for their narrative LOL.

Ausar was originally described as "blunt and friendly, and not at all interested in business matters." I intend to maintain these traits, but I'll likely apply a layer of anxiety to account for the lack of business acumen!

This morning I've decided that Ausar is the only Major Pattern holder in their family at this current time. Everyone else has a Minor Pattern while their (now deceased) father had a Lesser Pattern. That's a big deal for a Legacy family. And will likely tie into how they gained that Minister position. 😀

Boreal will know about Ausar and will mention during the sibling Brunch/Dinner! 😀 He'll bring up necromancy wards & how Ausar themselves is responsible for that one little tweak to make the ward's glyph function! Boreal wants to install them into his business LOL. fucked up for a funeral home to be guarded by skeletons though, huh?

nsfw fact: i'm still feeling them out, but Ausar feels like they should be more submissive now because they've hit more of a shy manner of speaking. I think I'd like to write a quiet but easily flustered Dom tho lmfaoo. I think that'd be complex and appealing! Either way, I think they'd be into Body Worship and general praise but I could see them wanting to try degradation kink stuff as the giver lol. I think their whole narrative is about leading towards boldness flexing what they can despite having a weaker constitution!

Annnnd that's the unofficial scoop on the Partial-ROs! Stay tune for the official RO post, which is likely coming before the end of September! :) Love you anon <3!

[strawberrysoup]

Pocketful of Posies || Chapter 1

You’d been hiding for years and years now; from your family, from society, from alphas and packs. Suppressants were dangerous but effective and necessary for an omega who refused to be owned—but no suppressants were strong enough to fool the nose of a super soldier, who together with his pack would stop at nothing to bind you to them forever. 

pairings: dark!Avengers x reader word length: 3.3k chapters: 1/? warnings: A/B/O dynamics, power imbalances, noncon and dubcon sexual situations, loss of autonomy, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat — this is a dark!fic, read at your own risk. Open the read more and CTRL + F, search “content warnings” to skip to detailed trigger warnings at the bottom of the chapter.

Cleaning rich people’s vacation homes hadn’t been your dream job growing up. You had such high hopes when you were a kid, well into your teens, of becoming a zoologist. It had started off like most kid’s dreams—in kindergarten you wanted to be a veterinarian. That grew into wanting to become a herpetologist, but then you wondered, why limit yourself? As a zoologist you could be around tons and tons of animals, studying their behaviors and ecological impacts. It was about half way past your fourteenth birthday that you realized none of your dreams mattered.

You woke in the middle of the night to a crippling pain in your stomach, an unbearable heat boiling under your flesh. You must’ve been screaming, because your parents burst in frantically—only to stop dead upon stepping past the threshold. At the time you had no idea why, but it had been shock. Omegas were rare nowadays, more and more betas were being born while the number of omegas dropped. It was a point on contention; betas could breed with alphas, rendering the omega almost obsolete but alphas, especially ones with packs, wanted omegas.

Personally, you figured that evolution had decided to take things into its’ own hands. Everything about omegas spat in the face of adaption; they were small and delicate, hardwired to obey alpha commands even to their own detriment, experienced a full weeks’ worth of being completely and utterly incapable of survival on their own—

Well, unless one acquired (through whatever means necessary) methods to prevent it that one. Heats, a homegrown threat guaranteed to commit acts of violence at least twice a year. By the time your first had worn off, your parents had already jumped into action. They had three different packs bidding on you. Your mother had been bubbling with glee, talking about how wonderful it was that she had produced an omega when she herself was a beta. Your very existence was about to rocket them into both fame and fortune. So, you ran away. That same night.

It had been shockingly easy to locate illegal suppressants. They taught all about them in school, how they were horrible and taxing on an omega’s physiology. Suppressants masked an omega’s scent, prevented their heats, and (in your opinion) were the best invention of the twenty first century. You couldn’t have given a flying fuck about what negative impacts they might’ve had on your body—death would be a reprieve. Unfortunately you’d yet to have any of the widely touted negative effects (effects that you were pretty sure were made up to keep omegas afraid and compliant) and so you found yourself cleaning rich people’s vacation homes just over the Canadian border.

You’d been living out of your car since you first bought it at sixteen, for five hundred dollars. You gave a creepy beta a blowjob to get your license forged. It was the best investment you’d ever made (not that you had the opportunity to make many) and the clunker was still getting you from point A to point B and that’s all you needed. You had to move constantly, staying in one place too long meant people started to notice you, especially in the small towns you frequented in Ontario. But there was so much forest surrounding you that every once in a while you could just drop off the face of the earth, camping so deep in the woods no one would stumble across you. It made staying anonymous so much easier.

That was actually the current plan, after you finished cleaning this last massive cabin; to abscond into the woods for a while, until you’ve faded from everyone’s memory. You won’t return to this town for at least a year. You’ll spark recognition when you return, but not enough for anyone to consider you more than an outsider in their close-knit community. The kind woman who lets you work for her cleaning company so sporadically will remember you when you ring her, the only person particularly thrilled to hear you’re back for a few months.

You do an excellent job and you do it fast— you can thoroughly and perfectly clean a 6 bedroom mansion by yourself in less than 10 hours and you were paid under the table so you didn’t require overtime, which Mrs. Hunt loved (there was no tax to be taken from an unreported cash payment though, so it was a fair trade in your opinion). You would work yourself to the bone, 10 hours a day everyday there was work available for at least three months and then dip without any expectations until the next time you returned, when she was gushing over the amazing reviews your work had gotten the last time you were around.

It was symbiotic existence—you were paid well for your efforts, more than enough to sustain living out of your car for months at a time, and your performance drove her online reviews into the 4.9 stars range and made it feasible for her to raise her prices. Mrs. Hunt didn’t ask any questions either, even when you requested to only work alone and couldn’t provide any identification beyond a driver’s license.

You were finishing up the kitchen in what was definitely one of the nicest places you’d ever cleaned when your phone went off in your back pocket. It made your skin prickle. Very few people had your number and you couldn’t think of a single reason they’d ring you instead of texting unless something was wrong.  You propped the mop against your shoulder and dug out the phone, frowning at Mrs. Hunt’s name on the screen.

“Hello?”

“Oh sweetie, I’m so glad I got a hold of you! How are you doing?”

“I’m well, Mrs. Hunt,” you answered, your voice coming out semi-robotically as you strained not to sound panicked while continuing the conversation like a normal fucking person, “I’m just about done here, I was finishing the dry mop in the kitchen when you called and then all I need to do is pack up.”

“Oh perfect! I was calling because the owner just rang me, apparently some of his packmates will be arriving a bit earlier than anticipated—potentially within the next hour. Something about someone getting caught up at work, I’ll spare you the details. But if you’re almost done then you’ll probably be gone by the time they arrive.”

“Certainly Mrs. Hunt,” you’d immediately started frantically dry mopping the moment the words ‘within the next hour’ escaped the woman’s mouth, phone clamped between your ear and shoulder. “I’ll be gone in the next few minutes.”

“Now even if you aren’t its okay,” the concern in her voice meant that your own had betrayed you, waivered when you responded without your knowledge. “I always warn the owners that if they arrive before the scheduled time that there’s a possibility the house won’t be done and/or there might be people actively working in the house. You won’t get in any trouble, okay?”

“R-Right, thank you ma’am,” you swallowed heavily, finishing the last swipe across the tile in the kitchen and hustling back into the foyer. “I really won’t be but a minute though. I always keep all of my equipment put away and together if I’m not using it, so I really just need to pack up the mop.”

Which you’d already shoved into the rolling cart you picked up each morning that held all of your cleaning supplies provided by the company.

“Don’t forget your bucket too!” Mrs. Hunt sounded smiley again, “I’ll leave the key under the mat so you can stow your cart tonight. Have a good one swee—.”

“You too!” You might’ve hung up a touch too soon to be considered polite, shoving the phone back into your pocket and running into the kitchen. There was no time to dwell on manners. 

The mop bucket was sitting on the counter, already washed and dried and waiting to be put away. You’d started keeping your things completely put away at all times the same day you’d been accosted by a homeowner who arrived home earlier than expected while you were still trying to pack up. You’d tried to put your notice in that night, a couple of years ago now, but Mrs. Hunt begged you not to—promised it would never happen again. This must’ve been her best attempt at preventing it. At least you had already planned to leave town tonight anyway.

You nearly sprinted back to the cart, haphazardly tossing the stupid bucket on top and wheeling it towards the huge front doors. You’d just stopped to reach around and grab the handle when the knob turned and the left door was pushed open, nearly hitting your cart.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” he was a beta, curly haired and dark eyed with pale skin, wearing a pair of glasses on the bridge of his nose. “Did I knock anything over?”

“N-No, sir,” you pulled the cart back a few steps, nearly trembling with the effort it took not to blast right past him, especially when you noticed him carefully scenting the air. "The house is all clean, I was j-just leaving.”

“Thank you, for getting everything clean for us. We don’t get to come out here as often as we like, I’m sure the place collected a lot of dust in our absence,” he smiled, looking both parts shy and calculating to your well trained eye— and you had no time for such consideration.

“Not too much, h-have a nice night!” You could feel your pulse racing and that was bad. Even the good suppressants, the ones that most of your money went to, had difficulty completely masking the scent of panicking omega.

“Did you use bleach?” The question caught you off guard and you almost jumped when he put a hand on your cart, glancing through the array of chemicals.

“Y-Yes, in the bathrooms. I wasn’t informed of any sensitivities—”

“Nothing a little fresh air won’t take care of,” you wanted him to stop looking at you like that, like there was some pale flash of recognition behind his eyes. “Would you go open the windows in the bathrooms upstairs? I’m afraid my nose is pretty sensitive, several of my packmates are similar.”

You did not like that his nose was especially sensitive and you hated that his packmates were similarly afflicted. It felt like getting punched in the face with a fight or flight instinct, your brain immediately demanded that you leave the cart and run past him—fuck the cart, fuck the job, you could find something else.

“Oh, and do you have the key to the front doors? I might as well get them from you now instead of us having to go down to the office tomorrow.” Your hand immediately dove into your pocket, yanking out the single key and dropping it in his palm. “Thanks— and the windows? Sorry, I just can’t go up there until it’s aired out.”

He wasn’t a huge man but the way he filled the doorway made you second guess trying to run past him, even if he was greying at the temples and looking a little rumpled. It was strange, you wouldn’t usually have such an intense reaction to a beta, but something about him was vaguely unsettling. So instead of trying to make a run for it, you turned on your heel and forced yourself to calmly walk up the stairs. There were four massive bedrooms in the cabin, each with its own bathroom and you’d need to go through and open the windows for the three bathrooms that had them. It meant darting into huge bedrooms, dodging expensive furniture and knickknacks and trying not to dirty the freshly mopped and swept hardwood floors in the process.

It took about five minutes but you felt like you’d run a marathon, your heart was pounding and there was sweat at the nape of your neck. All you wanted was out of the stupid fucking house, immediately. You dashed down the stairs and turned the corner, seeing your cart right where you left it. The door was still open too, but the beta was no where to be seen. You immediately darted forward, grabbing the cart tightly and beginning to push it past the threshold—

You were stopped in your tracks at the sight of two unnecessarily broad alphas. Both were tall, the white man standing just an inch or so taller, with a full beard and blond hair. The black alpha had facial hair too, a cleanly edged goatee to match a faded cut. Both were incredibly attractive and putting off waves of pheromones, to the point that your head floated for a moment.  Your lips clamped shut on a whine, instinct trying to push through and alert the two powerful alphas of your presence. Instead you ducked your head and continued out the door.

“Hi there, sweetheart.” Your gaze snapped up, immediately locking with a pair of dark brown eyes. “You the housekeeper?”

“Yes sir,” you answered quietly, stopping short in front of them when neither moved out of your way. “Sorry to have been here so late. Have a good evening.”

Both were still smiling, still pointedly not moving.

“My name’s Steve, that’s Sam,” the blond’s nose twitched, just slightly, and you realized he was very discretely scenting the air. “Nice to meet you. Do you live in town?”

“N-No, please excuse me,” you nudged the cart forward just an inch but they still didn’t budge and panic began coursing through your blood with renewed vigor, “excuse m—”

“Your scent is… confusing,” Steve’s head tilted to the side, “I don’t mean to be crass, of course, but I couldn’t help but notice.”

“It’s always been this way,” the response was automatic and your brain began shutting down all unnecessary functions; you were about to have to run and hope your omega physiology would make you faster than them.

“You smell almost like an omega,” he continued, both hands coming to rest on his hips, emphasizing the width of his shoulders. “But not quite?”

“I’m a beta.”

“Are you sweetheart?” Sam’s voice was a rumble, his head tilted to the side while his dark eyes burned holes into your skin.

The tone an alpha used with naughty omegas was deliberate and tightly controlled, the same as a command or a purr or a growl. It was on purpose, an attempt to nicely draw out the correct response. He wanted you to admit you were an omega, to tell them the truth of your own volition. The fact that your hindbrain desperately wanted to comply was a completely different issue—one you didn’t have time to address right now.

“Positive,” you breathed, clenching your fists tightly around the handles of the cart for just a second before deciding to leave it behind; you’d never be coming back here, there was no reason to worry about preserving your job.

Your eyes were quick and indefinitely perceptive. Being an omega was one step up from being a prey species, it came with inherent instincts that made you especially good at predicting behaviors. After all, an omega was only as good as their ability to please and soothe packmates. One of the single upsides to being an omega was that you were fast though—fast enough to outrun most alphas. And you only needed to go about a hundred and fifty feet, once you were in your car you could certainly get away. So the second you realized the pair was about to shift, moving to face each other more than you, you darted around the cart and dodged to the left.

It wasn’t your fault, honestly. There was no way you could’ve known you weren’t dealing with normal alphas. The blond was so fast that he almost moved between blinks—one moment he was still, the next he’d wrapped his arms around you and tugged you back into his chest. His arms were like steel, one wrapped around your torso to keep your arms pinned to your sides while the other carefully held your chin. Your hindbrain was screaming now, submit, submit, make alpha happy and you bit down on your tongue to hold in the whimpers, the omega sounds your throat was trying to produce.

“Shhh, shh, calm down,” it was half a tone away from being a purr and you continued to squirm while you still could—an alpha command was coming, you could feel it in your bones.

“Let Steve smell you,” Sam was rumbling instead of talking again, a similar half purr to how Steve had started speaking. "Everything’s okay, omega.”

You felt a nose nudge down your neck, towards your scent gland and you bared your teeth at the man in front of you. “I’m not an omega!”

“You smell like omega,” Steve’s breath ghosted over your skin and you fought a shiver. "Sort of. It’s buried, under… beta… sour beta?”

“What sort of suppressants are you on, sweetie?” You startled as the beta from earlier emerged from the house, wiping his hands on a dish towel absently. "Are you cutting them with anything? Heroin, or coke? It’s okay, you just need to tell me.”

“Tell Bruce sweetheart,” Sam coaxed, automatically moving to roll up the sleeves of your shirt, evidently looking for track marks. "Where do you get them?”

“I’m not on suppressants!” Your voice was almost a shriek at this point, desperately imitating the behavior of an angry beta rather than a terrified omega. “I’m a beta! Get off of me!”

“Okay, okay, here then,” Steve’s arm around your torso tightened, the one on your chin beginning to work its way down towards your jeans. "There’s only way one to tell for sure.”

Shock and fear and humiliation; an array of emotions swarmed through your body as his hand popped the button but those were the three you could identify and you immediately started thrashing your legs—he was going to check if you had an omega ridge and then everything would be over. It was a defining physical characteristic that couldn’t be passed off as anything other than what it was: a boney protrusion meant to catch on an alpha’s knot so they could be locked in place. In females it was found in the vagina, prominently featured directly before the g-spot so a knot would cause persisting pleasure. For males it was similarly positioned next to the prostate.

“Calm down, calm down!” Sam crooned, hands coming up to cup your face as while Steve’s slithered down the front of your jeans and into your panties. "It’s okay sweetheart, no matter what. Whatever Steve finds, you’re okay. You’re safe. We’ll keep you safe.”

The thrashing was doing nothing but tiring you out, you’d already been intensively cleaning for the past 9 hours without a break and it certainly wasn’t dissuading the hand slithering between your folds. You bit down on your tongue harder, until you drew blood to prevent the whimpers—you couldn’t make that stupid sound, you’d never make that stupid, pathetic, whiney noise, you couldn’t. Not even when a long, thick finger penetrated and sunk knuckle deep. Not even when the pad of said finger brushed your g-spot before hooking onto the ridge, tugging gently in a way that would’ve caused blinding pleasure had you not grounded yourself with the pain of biting your tongue.

“There it is,” Steve’s voice was soft, finger carefully running the length of the ridge. "A nice deep one too.”

“How long have you been taking suppressants?” Bruce prodded quietly, coming to stand next to Sam. “I need to know what sort of damage we’re looking at.”

When you didn’t respond Sam sighed, fingers brushing gently over your chin as he directed you to face him. "Please don’t make us use an alpha command, sweetheart. We just wanna take care of you. Tell Bruce how long you’ve been on suppressants, please.”

You regarded the handsome alpha for several short moments before spitting a mouthful of blood directly into his face.

 content warnings: assault, noncon vaginal fingering

edited 7/9/21 - still on hiatus

[silverplatters]

@c23tasks 004. maxine talks about her family. content and trigger warnings: death, body image issues, eating disorders, narcissism.

WHAT WAS YOUR CHILDHOOD LIKE? WHO RAISED YOU?

"not unlike most childhoods, except for the luxurious lifestyle. there were good moments, bad moments, and moments that mustn't have been important because they'd been forgotten. i distinctly remember the scent of honeydew melon wafting around the house. that was my mother's favorite reed scent. i wouldn't say i particularly had a fun childhood overall, but it wasn't miserable relative to my social circle's childhoods. i'd use the words fine and expected."

"from the ages of one to five, my parents were a clean 50/50 in raising me. i remember this because i was six when they hired a new maid—petra—to take care of me, specifically as i was growing older and attending school. that was when the house started to get a little busy. we all had our own routines. i remember spending most of my childhood with petra, since my father worked all day and came home in the evenings, and my mother… to be honest, i never really knew what my mother did during the day. she didn't have a job. all i remember is how we would spend weekends together, up until i was fifteen, teaching me how to smile and brush my hair with a denman brush in front of the mirror for hours on end."

"since i was a child, my father always asked me how my day went during dinnertime. he always liked to steer conversations into academics. and choosing friends wisely. and work, of course. he'd mostly talk about work, wherever we were. at home, vacationing in south korea, spending our sundays at the country club. he'd play pool or poker if he wasn't talking about work. those were his only hobbies, and to be honest, he wasn't very good at either of those things. sometimes, you only get to be good at one thing in life. but i don't think he cared. i think he just enjoyed the essence of it."

"petra was the person i saw and interacted with the most during my childhood. she'd be the one to wake me up, dress me, make breakfast for me, and send me off to school. we'd watch television together in the afternoons, and she'd help me with my homework. she was the loveliest woman i'd ever met. she had children of her own, too—two boys who lived back in their hometown. when i was ten, she taught me how to make a slingshot, and i broke one of our celadon vases. my mother didn't let that go for two years."

ANY SIBLINGS? DO YOU STILL TALK?

"none that i know of."

WHO DO YOU CONSIDER FAMILY?

"none to speak of."

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU LOOK LIKE MORE?

"my mother. i have everything she has, except for my father's nose. her hair, lips, eyes, body—it's all from her. i think that's why she was incredibly… protective of how i looked. she never hid the disappointment and irritation on her face when i so much as had a single strand of stray hair across my forehead. or how she'd pinch my skin as a sign that i was getting fuller, by her standards."

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE MORE LIKE?

"my father. though, to be clear, it isn't anything to be proud of. i don't think i'm a raging narcissist. i've got that, at least."

DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN?

"absolutely not."

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE FAMILY MEMBER?

"when i was younger, definitely my father. relative to my mother, he made a genuine effort to bond with me. or, at least, that's how i thought it was back then. he humored my nonsensical questions as a child and my more genuine curiosities as a teenager. he had the answers to everything, and i appreciated that."

"i never got the sense that my mother ever liked me as a person. even as a child. though, to her credit, my feelings of being born to be corrected didn't just stem from her. i felt that from my father, too, but in a completely different way. my mother always viewed me as something that needed to be strapped to a table and tinkered to perfection, while my father took on the role of a … whose every word was law. he influenced a lot of my worldviews and how i think. he's the reason why my english name is maxine. he chose that for me."

WHAT ABOUT YOUR LEAST FAVORITE?

"between the spineless man who lied to his family about being a mutant and was complicit in a flurry of human rights violations for decades—which, in turn, endangered his daughter and left her to fix the calamitous mess he left behind, and the narcissist who very clearly didn't want a child and, at several times, openly displayed her disdain through her endless criticisms of my arms, my belly, my legs…"

"…at least my mother hated me to my face. i appreciate the honesty."

DOES YOUR FAMILY HAVE ANY SECRETS?

"my family is built from all the truths we'd covered and forgotten."

"my father lived half a life until the day he died for reasons i can't quite accept. i can't accept the fear he felt, even if i have that same fear. i'm carrying it for him now, too. i can't accept his greed, even if i'm just as fearful of losing everything i have, as meaningless as they are. it's all very grecian, really. "

"my mother wanted to be an artist in a family of doctors who clawed their way out of poverty through intellect and hard work. i only know this because the last time i visited her hometown, her old paintings were thrown out of their house because they were soaked and mottled. it must have been maddening to have never had a voice your entire life."

"i can see why they were a perfect match. she was waiting to blossom, and he had a knack for blooming. and along the way… it all went wrong."

"when my father died, so did my mother. anyone can tell there's nothing behind her eyes anymore. she lives alone in our old house. doing nothing. speaking to no one. i tried—heaven knows i tried. it was the only time i've ever begged for my mother. i felt alone during that time. i felt, ironically, powerless."

"she loved him more than anyone or anything else in the world, and that will never change. even after i'd told her how my father lied to us both. after i'd told her i was just like him. because maybe that would've swayed her. she told me not to ruin what was left in her mind about her husband."

"the secret that encompasses all of this, i think, is that i don't have a family anymore."