#bwuh indeed

[ilikesaladforks]

this uh paldean e4 audio drama thingy

rika said grusha-san yay

Edited 1: fixed one of rika's lines

Good ol' Rika here can't wait for it either! > Good ol' Rika here's looking forward to it so much I won't be able to sleep a wink unless it's night time!

Edited 2: fixed Larry's line (and Rika's)

The Paldean Elite Four's leisurely lunchtime

(I couldn't catch everything sadly :( )

Rika: MmmMMmMM! Go-For-Broke Grill in Mesagoza never fails to hit the spot!

Larry: Hassel, do you mind if I order an Ajillo?

Hassel: Why, of course, Larry! Go ahead and place your order!

Larry: Then allow me...

Uh, excu-...

Ah-

Excuse me...

Rika: Larry, you might just wanna speak up a little bit more.

'SCUSE ME! We'd like an Ajillo please!

Poppy: Poppy would like another glass of fruit punch, please!

Hassel: The Terastallization course has finally come to a close.　Naranja Academy is truly bustling with life as the school began preparations for the battle tournament.

Poppy: I'm sho eckshaited!

Rika: Good ol' Rika here's looking forward to it so much I won't be able to sleep a wink unless it's night time! After all, I've got a fave I'm cheerin' for this time!

Hassel: Are you referring to Liko?

Rika: That's right! Seems like she failed her practical test with Grusha, but getting the hang of Terastallization ain't the whole purpose of the course. She should be back and stronger than before!

Larry: Excuse me, I'd like to also add a plate of potato tortillas and escalivada, please.

Hassel: I personally have high hopes for Roy myself.

Rika: Ye mean that kid who Ryme gave her seal of approval for?

Hassel: Indeed! His prowess during his friendly battle against me was so magnificent! Just recalling it fills my heart... wibb so much... BWUH HWUH HWUH HUOI HOI HOI!

Poppy: Don't cry, Grandpa Hassel! There, there, it's all okay!

(blubbering Hassel)

Larry: Excuse me, I'd also like 4 servings of Paella as soon as they're ready.

Rika: How many orders are you placin', Larry?! There's no way we can finish all that!

Larry: Not to worry. I will gladly savour them all.

Poppy: How amazing, Mr. Larry! You're such a gourmand!

Rika: How was that kiddo? Yanno, the one you met, Larry.

Larry: Hmm. Dot. A sharp strategist, and an intriguing trainer whose feats included evolving her partner mid-battle, I would say.

Poppy: Quaxly evolved?! I want my pokemon to play with her again!

Rika: Regardless, it looks like we've got a ton of promising trainers gathered for this battle tourney.

Hassel: (sniff) Let us observe the final leg of the Terastallization course as one Elite Four!

Larry: How does everyone feel about a post-lunch parfait?

Rika: You're STILL eating?!

[a-wonderful-danganronpa]

🎁 Happy holidays from A Wonderful Danganronpa! (12/25)

[NO SPOILERS]

🐰 USAMI:

"Bwuh? It’s Christmas again? Um, I mean, the Very Eternal Birthday of the Empress Ryoko Otonashi. Or was it the Birthday of the Very Eternal Empress Ryoko Otonashi…? I always try to make a calendar of these things…but then I forget where I put the calendar…and also I can’t write... Awawawa—wait! No time to mosey about thinking stormy thoughts! The students need their presents…! Pip pip cheerio…!"

Looks like the Monastery's celebrating the winter holidays. Click under the cut to see how each character responds to their gift...

📖 SUZURAN DUSTCRAWL:

“GUH! Nope, don’t want it. Don’t need it. Put it in the incinerator. Drop it off a cliff. Hold a funeral for it and invite everyone you know. This box has something in there. Something foul and evil and classified as an infectious disease— Oh…it’s from Usami. That’s…better? … …this will be nice when it gets warmer out. The coat I’m wearing right now—you know…the monks, Usami, they’ve told me that I patched and sewed a lot of it myself, but they’re just making fun of me. I know they’re just making fun of me. I can’t hold anything in my skull, but I’d remember if I had that kind of skill—and everyone always has to make fun of me. This place is a frigging circus and I’m the star of the freak show. All spotlights on Suzuran…flash on, flash off…tomatoes tossed in my general direction. Booooooo. … …this sure is a nice sweater, though.”

🎁❄️🎁❄️🎁❄️

🚦 SENJU THE EXCELLENT: 

“Ohohohoho! So it appears heaven once again claims me as their chosen one! Behold: tribute! Behold: mistletoe above, spontaneously sprung, that sweet plant of summertime births! Who might I find underneath? You must think I’m the sort who feeds from the bottom of the river…that just anyone will do. And indeed, I am a privilege…but she is also a privilege. I have my hopes my beloved will wander this way…I have had my hopes all my life.”

🎁❄️🎁❄️🎁❄️

🕰️ SIX SHINODA:

“Oh, fuck a mother. She’s coming this way with a box. Yes, yes, thank you, Headmaster…goddamn it. I appreciate the thought. Hmm. It’s…good, actually. No—I really do appreciate the thought. I grew up with so many siblings that as we all got older, people opted to simply give my parents wine as a gift…which ended up with we thirteen children, generally. But wine is just a crutch. It’s all just a crutch, alcohol. Give me cigarettes any day. Or failing that…anyway: I would like to enjoy my alone time smoking in the future, if at all possible.”

🎁❄️🎁❄️🎁❄️

🩸 WISTERIA ITO:

“<hic> Lovely, lovely Usami. Saw you hitting up sweet Six over there. Her face looked sour, but it’s always looked that way: she’s…<hic> gorgeously cruel. Oh, I miss it. Oh, I’m positively shiiiivering at the memory. <hic> Or I’m faltering on these legs that have carried me so far. This could be my very last night, you know. But if my luck continues, I am so sorry for the fact I am about to vomit directly on your feet. … This frog, by the way…<hic> There are no laws surrounding its experimental use, did you know? Not that I think the Empress’s influence carries very far up here. Mmhmhm…yes, there is a lot I can do with this little man.”

🎁❄️🎁❄️🎁❄️

🌕 YUWA GLADIA:

“Thy generosity honors me, Headmaster! Ah, when the snow falls in such a way, I am reminded of mine own home village in the mountains, and a verse so ancient: The woods are lovely, dark and deep,/But I have promises to keep,/And miles to go before I sleep… Ah? Nay, ‘tis not a poem of mine, but inspiration tonight clutcheth my soul. Mayhaps this is the year I shall finish an epic about the old Hope’s Peak Academy. … Er—I should not speak on it, but—indeed, Kaname dwelleth in the vents tonight.”

🎁❄️🎁❄️🎁❄️

🦈 KANAME YOSHIDA:

“THE TAG SAYS—KANAME YOSHIDA. YES—YOU SPELLED IT RIGHT. I’M JUST STILL GETTING USED TO THAT. THE NAME. I’VE NEVER HAD MUCH USE FOR—KANAME YOSHIDA. OR FOR GIFTS. I KNOW IT’S THE EMPRESS’S BIRTHDAY—BUT THIS ISN’T A PROPOSITION—IS IT? I HOPE THAT DOESN’T SOUND TOO RUDE. … I HAVE TO ASK THAT I’M NOT GIVEN ANY MORE GIFTS. OH—IT’S—UM—LOVELY. IT COULD HELP ME FIND LEADS—THEORETICALLY. NEWS SHOWS. BUT WE—ALL THE KANAME YOSHIDAS OF THE WORLD—OWN NOTHING. WE ARE OWNED. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. I HOPE THAT DOESN’T SOUND TOO RUDE. … YES—I HAVE BEEN SLEEPING IN THE VENTS. THEY’RE WARM AT THIS TIME OF YEAR.”

🎁❄️🎁❄️🎁❄️

🍯 HACHIHEI ROUSEI:

“Let me help you, Headmaster. No, let me help you. Let me help. I am here to serve. That’s as Saint Tojo once said—but you know that. It’s illogical for you to deliver these all yourself on the day of our glorious Empress—you are positively and perfectly packed with presents, I must say! But I admire your persistence. You are one who makes the impossible possible, to paraphrase Momota the Luminary—you, a positively possible professor, perfectly packed with presents…so let me help you. This one is for me? I never did learn the kanji for my name, so…oh, it is for me. I’m…blessed that you would think me so worthy of a sliver of history like this. It’s practically an heirloom—I am worthy? I guess you’re right. Right and righteous in all regards and rational, too. Yes—I really do think you’re right.  Now let me help you!”

🎁❄️🎁❄️🎁❄️

✈️ FUBU FUSELAGE:

“A bear? A bear? Abearabearallcoveredinhair? For me? For little old me personally? Yahoo! Yippee! Wahoo! Hellyeahhooyeahbooyahetcetera! Buuuuuuuuuuut—Headmaster, Headmaster, Headmaster, I don’t think it’s going to help me sleep. I don’t need the gremlins to tell me that, nope nope notatall nope. I can go a long time without sleeping. Days weeks months. Years? I haven’t slept in four days. Too excited for the Empress’s birthday! ToofreakingSTOOOOOOOOOOOOOKED!!!”

🎁❄️🎁❄️🎁❄️

🏍️ REIKA BOULEVARD:

“Um… … … …yes, this is…um, this is adequate. I know you can’t afford much as a Headmaster God and all, so, um… …I do think sometimes…that I could build a better rocket, you know. The vibrations in quartz…you could harness it for, um, anything. But, um…I really have no interest…unless my wife does. Um… Tonight I’m finding a wife…I’ve put up mistletoe everywhere, like the Book says to do. Please don’t take it down…you slut.”

🎁❄️🎁❄️🎁❄️

🌀 HIKARI SEKI:

“Nyuhuhuhuh! And here I thought you were a goshin’ Neanderthal like the rest of these farm animals. Turns out you understand the civilized things in life, don’t you, Headmaster? I guess you’d have to if you wanted to keep a place like this running. I can’t even imagine the kinds of troglodytes you have mucking up such a holy hall. Barbaric! Tell you what: let’s go bird-watching when the weather warms up. Then I can decide if you’re a real AI with a brain like a human’s or just a robo-monkey. Nyuhuhuhuh!”

🎁❄️🎁❄️🎁❄️

🎸 MELVILLE POINTE:

“No one ever has to do anything like this for me, yeah? It’s unnecessary for gifts to arrive on my doorstep, yeah? Is it understood that this ukulele is too much? Is it understood that I’m just a guy? Headmaster. This is way too much for just a guy, yeah? If it’s important to keep it, I’ll keep it, right? I’ll make good use of it. But the gifts, is it possible to stop with them? Is it possible for me to have peace on this night? Or at all? But nevermind. Do you hear me when I say nevermind?”

🎁❄️🎁❄️🎁❄️

💥 TEISUKE NAGAMORI:

“Now this is what I’m talkin’ about, Headmiss. I gotta keep everyone on watch. Not that I don’t trust y’all’s healers and the like, but I know some old cures that you ain’t ever heard of, ‘cause they’re in no book. Cures against…the unnatural. Like anything that Ito girlie could do to you. Eugh. Headmiss, what’re y’all doing that you’re letting witches into a place like this? She might be at half-power but they’re most dangerous when they’re in their death throes. I ain’t wish no harm on her but if she steps outta line…trust me, I know what they can do. You tell me if you think you got a fever...or, unrelated, if you need a fireworks show for the festivities.”

🎁❄️🎁❄️🎁❄️

🧚 IZUMO OHIGATA:

“Hell fucking yessssss~ 🎶 It’s mother fucking fuuuuudge~ 🎶 But I can’t eat it right this moment, or I’ll spoil my appetite. There is gonna be a cake later, right? Oooh, I can feel that tonight’s gonna be a real one. I can feeeeeeeeel it~ 🎶 Protagonists like me have that sense. Call it…main character syndrome. Something real important is gonna happen. Oh, like maybe someone will die, and all their insides will spill out, and I’ll have to sew them back in with their own foot tendons. Shit, I’m hungry for cake just thinking about it. When’s the cake come out pleaaaaaaaaaase~? 🎶”

🎁❄️🎁❄️🎁❄️

♟️ MASATO NOBORU:

“Hah! Yes! Splendid! Headmaster, I shall have to pick your most brilliant godly brain. When I graduate from here, I’ll be starting a school of my own. Not to compete, mind you, heavens no. To teach others what I know of chess! How wonderful! I’ll use this to organize my thoughts and notes. Oh, and this reminds me of my days in Novoselic amongst the Makongo farmers. Such wild and spectacular customs they had, including roasting its genitalia on a—hah, but to understand that story you must hear of the time I spent in the slums of Towa City, dueling ne’er-do-wells in bars. Each day was a struggle for survival with only my ivory pieces and—hah, but the details you need to know about that come from my month in the Arctic, the dangers of which I somehow escaped. With all extremities intact, believe it or not, and a chess board made of scrimshaw to boot. Hah, now I remember, I meant to ask you if you’ve ever heard of Ludenberg Castle, since its original owner, I believe, attended the Monastery long ago—I shall have to ask the young librarian if there are any writings here about her. But this notebook—yes, I have the perfect pen to use in it, too. A most splendid pen! A divine pen! I must show it to you sometime, Headmaster. There are legends surrounding this pen, which my partner’s ancestors had stolen from a temple dedicated to the Saints, and which had been passed down through the ages to him—many say it is a haunted pen, but I do believe it is simply old—and how it smells of stink bug. But it never runs out of ink! Hah, oh, if only he could see me now—my partner. I wonder what he would think. When we traversed the seas on his one-man cruise ship—which he had named for me, the lad—he used to tell me…”

🎁❄️🎁❄️🎁❄️

🏹 YAEKO TOGAMI:

“Well, now, a fine salutationing to you too, Headmaster. Gotta say, I don’t really need anything for the holidays on account of my most extensive adundunce—abund—abundunce? But I’m never one to turn down a fishing rod…especially since no one wanted to come to my pre-party hunting trip. There’s bears and beasties and all kinds of craters—creamers—yeah, craters, up here in the mountains. Creatures. Craters. Crumbles.  Say, you know, next year if you really wanna get me something, you should get me the gift of you, y’know? Run around a little and let me put some arrows in your noggin? I’ll even have ‘em made costume out of pink gold so they’ll match your rosy red cheeks. Custom, yeah, that’s what I meant. And it’s not like I’ll let you suffer! I’ll have the Togami Conglomerate pay for a new divine body right after, so long as you let me chop off your head. It’d look splendiferous above my mettle. Mantle. It’s mettle, right? Anyway, then everyone’s bound to respect me…”

🎁❄️🎁❄️🎁❄️

⚛️ VERITAS YOBIYAMA:

“What? Headmaster, these are my favorite flavor. How’d you know these are my fave…? You asked? I don’t remember you asking. I DON’T remember you ASKING. Don’t you LIE to me. DON’T YOU LIE TO ME, HEADMASTER!!!!! I’m perfectly calm. I wasn’t raising my voice. Only liars raise their voice and Veritas Yobiyama is no liar. I would NEVER lie. I would NEVER LIE! I WOULD NEVER LIE TO YOU, HEADMASTER! WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM? HUH? WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM????????? Serenity now. Serenity now. Say, I should get you something in return. It’s only fair, man. I don’t want this to be a one-way street. That’s dishonest. That’s DISHONEST serenity now. Unless…you’re trying to start a competition with me. Seeing who can give the most gifts. To each other. To others. Is that what this is about? IS THAT what this is ABOUT? Because Veritas Yobiyama can GO, Headmaster! I CAN GO!!! WE CAN GO RIGHT FUCKING NOW, HEADMASTER!!!”

🎁❄️🎁❄️🎁❄️

⚪⚫ ???:

“Aww, shucks. No one ever invites me to their parties…especially not my beloved big sister, Usami. Womp womp. Well, nothin’ to be done about it. Not like I can get out from under here myself, after all. But as that old veggie group once said: I got a feeling~ 🎶 And I got a feeling…that I’ll be out of here quite soon indeed. Puhuhuhu…puhuhuhu.  Tonight’s gonna be a good night, ‘cuz I’m going back to sleep. For now. See you laaaater…”

[tirsden]

Bwuh... this was apparently the perfect storm of Divergent Universe buffs (mostly weakness break I think), quake damage, and... I dunno... the bad guys insulting Gallagher's mixing skills? Poor choice, dearest enemies. Poor choice indeed. What's even crazier is that this is my TL67 EU gang who have been running copium gear for a while, though Gallagher is running the template for my generic crit build.

Save file for this week's Cyclical Extrapolation run:

[prythiansfavoritefox]

Elain heard a knock on the door and she slowly slipped out of bed. Her knitting project lay askew on her covers, the needle at an angle. So that’s what had been poking Elain all night. She had fallen asleep while knitting. Sighing, Elain swept her back from her head and tried to cover the sleepiness in her eyes. She was still in her pajamas. Oh well. She slowly walked over to the door to open it.

"Hello, who are yo.....oh." Her words trailed off as she stared at the man leaning against her door. He was wearing a cap and a polo shirt with jeans. She could see the veins in his tanned, muscled arms, and the way the jeans clung to his powerful legs. Her eyes snagged on his hands; his broad hands that looked like they could wrap entirely around her waist.

She felt her skin hear up in embarrassment. She prayed that the man could not hear her heartbeat when he spoke in a deep, smooth voice, “Hello. Are you Elain Archeron?”

“Bwuh? Oh yes! I mean yes!” Elain internally cursed herself. “I am Elain.”

The man nodded. “I am Lucien. I am here to install your solar panels.” Indeed, Elain looked behind him and saw the boxes he had with him. Well, at least they wouldn’t have to interact much so Elain wouldn’t fumble so often. “Oh. You can just go to the roof, then.”

Lucien inclined his head and went to the roof. When he was out of sight, Elain went to the bathroom to wash her face before quickly changing into nicer clothes. She had acted like an idiot; he must think she is a fool.

Elain tried to return to her knitting, but the sounds from the roof were too loud. Huffing in irritation, she walked outside and climbed up the ladder to the roof. On the last step, Elain felt the ladder grow unstable, and she scrambled to regain her balance. She shrieked as she anticipated the long fall down, but Lucien sprinted over to her and gripped her forearm so hard that it hurt a little bit. With a grunt, he heaved her up onto the roof. Elain stumbled into his chest.

His very bare chest, as Elain realized he had taken off his shirt. His skin was slick with sweat, his sculpted chest tempting Elain to lift a hand to touch it. But just then, Lucien pulled away.

“Sorry about that. Never stand on the topmost step of a ladder, Elain. It is often very unstable.”

Consider: Lucien as the hottie who's installing solar panels on Elain's roof

[enderspawn]

that one waking up from an intricate dream cat image truly is just how I feel at all times. bwuh indeed

[asknarashikari]

Funny minific idea: Shiguru is practicing for his next scene where he has to propose to his character’s love interest... only for his team to come on as he’s on one knee (cue Juru.exe to stop working)

I’ll do you one better- let’s combine this into one minific!!! Mwahahahahaha

“What are you doing? Wait, what’s going on...?”

“Look, I know we’ve only known each other a little while, and this might be a bit of a shock for you... but, ever since I met you, I knew there wasn’t going to be anyone else but you...”

“Oh my gosh, is that-” Tametomo hissed, as he and the others pressed their ears closer to the door. “Is he actually...?”

“Shush, Tame, I can’t hear!” Sena chided, and the yellow warrior pouted at her but made a zipping motion at his mouth.

“You’re really amazing, you know?  You showed me there was more to life than... well, whatever the hell I thought I was doing with it. You made me want to change for the better. You turned my life upside down and I couldn’t be more thankful for it...”

“But... I didn’t really do anything...”

“Stop being so humble for once, will you? You can’t even imagine how much better I am because of you. That’s why... I’m sure of this...”

Sayo gasped. “Is he really gonna do it? Oh my god, he’s actually going to do it!” she squealed.

“Why do I get the feeling this is going to get bad real quick...?” Takamichi groaned in spite of his own curiosity winning out.

“...I love you so much. I want to spend the rest of our lives together. So... please... be with me...?”

“I-” The Kiramagers held their breaths as they listened for the answer...

And, of course, that was when the automatic door decided it would be the right time to open, sending the quartet stumbling into the room in a heap, falling on top of each other like a line of dominoes. 

“Y-You guys?!” Juuru gasped, his face entirely red. “What are you doing? Were you listening the whole time?”

“What are we- We should be asking you that question!” Tametomo groaned as he pushed the others off him, having landed in the bottom of the pile. 

“It’s not what you think!” Shiguru protested, even though he was still on one knee in front of Juuru, one hand holding Juuru’s, the other presenting a very shiny (and large) diamond ring. 

“So you say while we caught you red handed like that!” Sena pointed out. 

“Seriously, no, it’s not that,” Shiguru protested, getting to his feet. “It’s just practice for a role!” He said, grabbing the book that was in Juuru’s hand and shoving it at the others. “See?”

The Kiramagers peered at it and, indeed, right there was a script for Shiguru’s latest role, where his character was proposing to his love interest as part of the grand finale. Their faces became crestfallen as they realized that everything they had just heard was all part of the script.

“Aw, that’s kinda disappointing...” Sayo pouted. 

Shiguru sputtered. “What do you mean by that?! Did you all think that I was really proposing to Juuru?! I’m not even thinking about that!”

“Yet,” replied Takamichi with a teasing grin. “And I don’t think Juuru would be so opposed if it were real, either. Just look at him!”

Behind him, Juuru squeaked as his face further darkened to a deep red, hiding them in his hands. “I- I couldn’t help it! It was so romantic... it’s exactly how I pictured it happening... I mean, uh-”

“Bwuh?” Shiguru questioned. “You... you thought about it?” The actor’s cheeks started taking on a rosy hue too, staring at his boyfriend with wide eyes and an open mouth.

“Fucking hell, are you two seriously...?” Tametomo groaned as the pair of lovers started staring at each other as if lost in their own little world. “You guys are more dramatic than an asadora, for fuck’s sake!”

[monaownsmyass]

Bwuh indeed

[warmbeebosoftbeebo]

I totally agree about being more vanilla and certain asks being a hell to the no. I’ve been with the same man for 4 years so we’ve tried almost everything but nothing gets me off more than a man (/idea of) worshipping you with his words while you enjoy each other’s bodies. I feel like people in these types of relationships are seen as boring by society because time together doesn’t involve hurting your partner ect. I CAN confirm that those in vanilla relationships can/still do have great sex

Also same anon as previous, but a PS that your style of writing and the way you write about B x reader (the way he behaves / talks to/ treats the reader is exACTLY my style. Nothing is hotter than a man who knows how to use his words in all the right ways. You fuck ya girl into next week but if you don’t know how to work me up with your words mixed with a super loving/ caressing touch it’s not gonna happen. You know what IT is ;)

i’m often confused as to whether i’d be considered vanilla or not, or at least if my fic would be considered vanilla or not. i remember an ask from a while ago saying i was into some kinky shit n i was like “bwuh?” n figured i’d be considered hopelessly vanilla  by most (as if vanilla is bad/isn’t fucking delicious: the smell, the taste…fucking lovely. plus it got b sniffing ryan’s armpit haha n telling him he smelled good :P). are things like vibes n other toys, pegging/anal/prostate stumulation, diff kinds of tribadism/frottage, b in panties, b being pretty arguably “submissive,” etc vanilla or “kink”? 

dasfljgf i love yr wording of “worshipping you with his words while you enjoy each other’s bodies.” i think there’s a major desensitization going on, and it’s starting by 10-11 years old. people with little masturbatory experience (or none), and no partnered experience beyond curious more than sexual exploration when quite young (that they may not even remember) or none at all, getting fucking whammied with brutal porn right off the bat. and that being most to all of what they see in sexually explicit media for years on end, seeing it in unprecedented levels with the internet both re age of first exposure, how often/how long they view it, how girls as well as boys are growing up on it. seeing brutal contacts for years, mixing arousal, masturbation and orgasm with fear, pain, cruelty, faked arousal and orgasms, violence, harm, etc and often feeling rough touch (eg overt obvious sexual assaults, sexual situations that are assented to but not wanted, sexual situations that start out wanted and become painful, scary, thinking you want and will like something only to have it feel scary, painful, unarousing, feeling broken because you didn’t like it, etc) before feeling a consistently soft touch, hearing sexy words that are kind, having all these mythologies about sex esp piv told to you in n out of porn and romanticized outside of porn (eg that all women come during it, that it’s the best sex ever, that sex=piv=sex), that that is simply what sex is and what men and women do together, erasing so much of what can happen heterosexually to the point you don’t even think it possible or thinkable, etc. 

porn is about the visual too, how things look (and sound) on camera in specific ways (eg focus on repetitive penile thrusting into an orifice, make up, heels, faked porn moans), not how things *feel* emotionally or physically. how your skin rubbing on someone else’s feels. how a kiss, lick, caress, suck, squeeze, feels and how these feelings change depending on firmness n skill, emotional connection (including friendship), level of arousal, etc. how it feels to touch someone else. how it feels to stroke over their genitals. how it feels to feel intensely aroused, or to let arousal build slowly, or have it wash over you in waves. to need someone at that moment, to wrap your limbs around them and squish them to you. how it feels to feel safe and loved and comfortable and horny and full of want vs scared, detested, uncomfortable, in pain, whether or not this is mixed with arousal. you don’t get into how the people in porn feel–what is really going on in their heads? what are they feeling emotionally? how does what’s happening actually feel to them? why for all the theatrics, performing, acrobatics, etc is there so little feeling?

within a generation we’ve gone from knowing men could go months and even years without looking at porn, and having many men who did just that, and most boys and some girls furtively sneaking peaks at their dad’s or a friend’s dad’s playboy or even penthouse, maybe a softcore vhs (rip soft core porn; it isn’t made anymore by pornographers, now it’s mainstream media, eg ads, game of thrones. not that soft core was fine and dandy, but much of it is quaint in comparison to what we have now), or pornographic or smutty books to thinking that if one doesn’t look at porn regularly they’re either asexual or lying or inhibited n need to free their mind n get on that porn, and that porn and masturbation are synonymous (eg that one can’t masturbate without porn). 

i remember reading one guy writing about how the sight of a girl’s pubic hair peeking out of her bathing suit would get him hard quick as a boy; now pubic hair is disgusting, and men and boys generally only find hairless vulva appealing. that’s a less extreme example of what i’m talking about, but you can imagine (and come across) the spike in interest in daddy kink, men strangling and choking women, the hetero male obsession with pia with females (and it’s connection to sadism/injury in both the advertising of it, what happens to women in porn and women and girls in relationships), etc. 

and the view that porn just let’s us find out what we naturally, truly like?!? that we’re only turned on by it if it represents our True Sexuality? ha. you really mean to tell me that millions upon millions of girls were champing at the bit to call their boyfriends, husbands, male community members/mentors/teachers, celeb crushes, etc daddy throughout the millennia? that millions upon millions of women have lain awake at night, over the millennia, mourning the fact that their husbands would not strangle them and call them worthless whores and fantasizing about it endlessly, craving it? 

do we really think human males as a class (as a whole) are born wanting, or needing, or truly longing to strangle, choke, shove, engage in piledriving thrusting, slap, beat, namecall, control, possess others, have sexuality centred around them and their sadism, and females as a class are born wanting/needing/longing to have that done to them, service whatever desire men have, no matter how cruel or violent, and indeed, we want it, or at least deserve it, no matter how cruel or violent? that males are born sadists and females masochists, and that is what it means to be male or female? (and if you don’t fit that mold, you’re not a real man/woman?) that all those sweet boys and willful girls are really longing to hurt and be hurt respectively (maybe with the caveat that if they are the rare exception that they are really the other sex inside)? 

this is not denying psychopathy in a small per centage of males, which is largely inborn and more likely in males than females due to genetics and usually expressed more extremely (physical and sexual harm to others, rape, serial murder) in males due to greater physical strength from testosterone and gender socialization, but i hardly think most males are born psychopaths, and honestly, psychopathy and sociopathy, and serial killers, come to mind when looking at mainstream internet porn. i’ve been meaning to make a list of quotes by bdsmers and pornographers alongside serial killers without sources, asking “top/dom/sadist/porn or serial killer?” then revealing who said what, if it doesn’t already exist (been meaning to look). i do not think we, either sex, are born like this as a whole. and this is leaving aside the fact that “nature” neither means right nor inevitable. we decide how we want to live, act, treat others, can counteract how our sexuality is being shaped. 

i consumed porn directed at straight men from 8-12, and it absolutely shaped my sexuality then, although since we’re talking about 1995-99, it mostly revolved around and got my sexual thoughts revolving around piv (eg thinking that’s how all women came, how i would come even though i masturbated clitorally/by humping my blanket or sweater or my hand between my thighs) with some more varied sexuality between women on the side. a couple friends of my dad had magazines–one of which had a magazine that claimed to be child porn of a 15 year old btw–that i would sneak peaks at n quickly/furtively masturbate, and i’d stay up late at night watching the ppv porn that we had one of those descrambler boxes to watch for free. i honestly don’t even remember seeing pia in any of those. now, you can’t escape it. 

so back on track: i’m glad my writing hits your sweet spots in more ways than one wink wonk :P i’m digging the compliments folks :D i know what IT is with a capital I and a capital T, eh?

[mindfulwrath]

That Slips Glibly Off The Tongue

A brief Blackrock Chronicle Fic Words: 1,025 Warnings: None AO3

Rythian was woken by the sensation of someone shaking him violently by the shoulders.

"It's snowing!" Zoey cried, her voice nearly bursting both his eardrums. He grabbed her by the wrists, mostly so she'd stop shaking him.

"Bwuh," he said articulately.

"Come on! You've got to get up! It'll get warmer later and it'll all be gone and you'll have missed it!"

"Time's it?" he mumbled, blinking. His eyes hadn't remembered how to focus yet.

"I don't know, it's probably like super early, but not that early because the sun's nearly up already, and—ooh, so I guess it's basically nighttime, and you're like, super into that nighttime darkness gothic emo stuff, so like, it's the perfect time for you to be awake!"

"I—no," he said, trying and failing to extract himself from her grasp. "I decide when is a perfect time for me to be awake, not you."

"But it's snowing!"

"That is a thing that tends to happen! It will happen again! Right now I am trying to sleep because it is very early in the morning!"

She pouted at him. She had the most potent pout he'd ever seen on a person. He groaned and let his head fall back, his torso dangling in her grasp.

"Let me get my boots on," he said.

"Snow day!" she crowed, and hugged him bone-crushingly tight and ran off into some other part of the keep.

Wheezing, Rythian rolled out of bed. He retrieved his scarf and wound it around his face. He got dressed and put on the heavy boots and rooted out a pair of gloves from somewhere. There was a flurry of knocking on his door.

"What's taking so long!" Zoey demanded. "Did you get all tangled up in your scarf? Do you need help? I can probably help! I'm really good at untangling stuff, I untangle all sorts of stuff all the time! Mostly it's mushroom politics, which are like, suuuuuper tangly, but I bet I could manage scarves!"

"It's—it's fine, Zoey, I'm not tangled up in anything," Rythian called back.

"Aw," she said, sounding disappointed. "Well then hurry up, slowpoke! You're going to miss it!"

"Zoey, all the snow isn't going to be gone in the next thirty seconds."

"You don't know! Maybe Lalna or somebody's got like a—like an anti-snow machine that makes all the snow go away. Ooh, or Sjin and Sips are going to turn it into dirt because they're horrible nasty people who hate fun. We've got to stop them, Rythian! We've got to stop them from turning all the snow into dirt!"

"Nobody's doing that!"

"Yeah, mm, yeah no, they are, I can see it! I'm looking out the window! Ooh, gosh, Rythian, ooh, it's all going to dirt, you're going to miss all the snow and then you'll be even mopier!"

"I am not—mopey! And there aren't any windows near you!"

"Ooh, well, okay, um, but see, I've got, like, super-vision? Mm, yeah, I can like, see through walls and stuff. So I know what's happening. Hurry uuuuuup, Rythian! Why do you always take so long for everything!"

Heaving a long-suffering sigh, he got to his feet, put on one more coat, and went to the door. When he opened it, Zoey toppled backwards into the room with a yelp. He stared down at her, and she grinned up at him.

"Oh hi, Rythian!" she said, as though it was the most normal thing in the world for her to be lying on the floor of his bedroom. "Ready to go?"

"I . . . yes," he said. He offered his hand. She took it, and he gave a valiant effort to haul her back onto her feet. She nearly pulled him down on top of her, then, laughing, got up on her own.

"You're all wimpy," she said, pinching his biceps. "Poor old man Rythian. I dunno what you'd do without me to do all the heavy lifting."

"What heavy lifting?"

"This heavy lifting!" she cried, and picked him up like a sack of potatoes and threw him over her shoulder, then dashed out into the corridor and through the keep. He elbowed her in the back, demanding to be put down, and she slapped his bottom. She ran him all the way outside where, indeed, snow was falling thickly from the sky, already an inch deep on the ground. With a heave and a grunt, she tossed him into a snowy bush, where he fell in a tangle of limbs and cold white powder.

"Zoey," he growled.

"Snow day!" she said brightly.

Rythian gathered two handfuls of snow, surreptitiously, balling them together and compressing them in his palms.

"You like your snow days, huh?" he asked. "How do you like this!"

The snowball hit her squarely in the side of the head, sticking white flakes all through her hair. She shrieked and ran off, hurriedly scooping up a retaliatory projectile. Rythian darted behind the nearest tree and her shot missed him by inches.

"You're lucky Tee's not here!" she called. "He'd hit you every time!"

"Unfortunately he's cold-blooded!" Rythian retorted. "You're on your own, snow-girl!"

He poked his head out from behind the tree and threw another snowball at her. She fired back and the snowball exploded against the tree. Slivers of cold burst across his face. He sputtered, ducking back.

"I got you! I got you with that one!"

"No you didn't!"

"Yes I did!"

He was so focused on gathering his next projectile that he didn't hear the squeaky-crunch of boots approaching through the snow. Next thing he knew, a whole mass of frigid, half-melted snow was shoved down the back of his shirt, and he shrieked and flailed while Zoey laughed so hard she fell over. Rythian leapt upon her and mashed a whole handful of snow right onto her face, until, sputtering and giggling, she told him to stop. He rested his elbows on her chest and regarded her seriously.

"I win," he said.

"Mmkay, you win," she said. Her eyes lit up and she gasped. "Rythian! Rythian!"

"What?"

"We should build a snowman!"