#buy online rings for ladies

[ice-block]

It’s so fucked up how tiktok culture has made clout-poisoned people turn the public into content, every day I see people minding their business have their entire faces put online for thousands of likes, a couple kissing on the train, a lady dancing across a cross walk, a guy nodding his head to the music at a club, a lady buying a banana at the store, ring camera footage of the neighbors kids being stupid. Just let people live jfc

[wajjs]

to sum up SOME of the things happening in Argentina:

There's a nation wide manhunt for Loan, a toddler that disappeared in Corrientes (province that has borders with Paraguay, Brasil and Uruguay, three neighboring countries). Foul play has been suspected from day one. The family is believed to be involved by some people. The most popular on going theory is that he was sold to an international pedophile ring dedicated to buying kids from Latin American countries and selling them to people in power in the USA and aligned countries.

The court case connected to Tehuel, a trans young man that disappeared while going to a job opportunity he was offered by a local semi-political figure he was supposed to be able to trust, has been reopened. It is heavily theorized that this political figure, plus his partner and an accomplice, tortured and killed Tehuel for being trans. (There is a strong online theory that they fed him to the pigs after to get rid of his remains. Another popular theory is that they sold him to a human trafficking ring.)

The ex first lady, Fabiola Yañez, and ex president, Alberto Fernández, are in an ongoing legal battle after she was more or less forced to come forward and press charges against him for physical and psychological abuse. A lot of it was perpetrated while he was in office during the pandemic. He kept her locked up, isolated, and publicly blamed her for the things that went wrong during his presidential mandate. Unfortunately the media is having a field day with the pictures of Fabiola beaten up, basically showing off her bruised face and body while zooming in on the injuries. Fabiola had to come out and ask them to please stop showing those pictures as they are effectively re traumatizing her and her son.

Current president, Javier Milei, has effectively altered the employment contract law, taking away things that were meant to protect workers from corporate/employer greed and abuse. He has also effectively closed down the statal, official, ways to get in contact with authorities in case of gender based discrimination and abuse.

Current ruling political party (far right) is pushing forward a denial of facts and attempt at retelling our history by more or less saying that the last military dictatorship wasn't that bad, trying to pardon their sentences (even though the ones in charge of kidnapping, torturing, and disappearing people are living well while serving their sentences). A delegation met with one of the most heinous figure heads of the last dictatorship. A person from said delegation alleged it's old history and that people born during the 90s don't know and don't care about it.

[an-idyllic-novelist]

Queen Bee-zlebub with gender neutral!reader platonic headcanons

warnings: alcohol and drug usage, non-consensual behavior, explicit language.

This is a fictional story, therefore the behavior portrayed here is not acceptable in real life. If you do not feel comfortable venturing further, please push the 'back' button on your mobile device or computer and find something else much more pleasant to read.

You are responsible for your Internet consumption!

Hey guys, and welcome to my first Helluva boss fanfic! I'd like to thank @thatstonedwriter for not only reading the draft of this piece, but also giving me feedback on the parts I initially struggled with writing out. Definitely check out their Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss content guys, it is amazing!

So with that being said, sit back, relax, and let's get this party started! :)

Being Beezle-bub’s friend definitely makes life in Hell interesting for you. Not only is she the Deadly Sin of Gluttony, but her parties are legendary; you never leave on an empty stomach, or feel dissatisfied.

 Her power comes from her guest’s good vibes, so she knows if they are enjoying themselves or things are getting out of control, leaving her no choice but to step in and remedy the situation before the party’s mood goes sideways in the worst way possible. Case in point with Blitzø at Bee’s last party. He drank in the name of the sin of pride, instead of indulgence. 

You met Queen Bee in her mansion during one of her weekend parties; nothing special, really. You were having a good time and challenged her to a friendly drinking contest. Loser would buy drinks next time they met. You didn’t win, but you came pretty damn close and thanked the Deadly Sin for indulging your whims, promising to buy her a drink when you met each other next time. 

Polite, easygoing, and cheerful without a stick up your ass? You definitely won some brownie points with Queen Bee. More kudos would be earned if you’re honest with her. 

Before the night was over, she invited you to a more exclusive party she’d be hosting in the following weeks. She will immediately follow you online if you have any social media accounts. Sinstagram is her main one to advertise her Beezle-juice and other products. Party invitations? Nope. Sorry, but those are her rules. You gotta know someone to come to her events, or know her to get permission to set a single foot on her property. She can’t keep stealing large quantities of drugs from Belphegor or else that asshole will keep changing the locks on her. 

When you weren’t getting drunk or high as a kite with the Deadly Sin, you’d meet up somewhere in the Gluttony Ring and grab a drink. That’s actually what happened first, since you did promise to buy her shots after losing the drinking contest with her. From there, you’d either trade gossip at the local coffee shop that’s known for their killer frappuccinos, or just go window shopping.

If you see something you like, clothes, booze, or anything else? She’ll buy it as long as you come to her next party like you said you would. If you can’t make it because of work? She gets it, but just let her know as soon as you do, okay? She is a busy lady after all. 

She’s all for fucking and getting fucked at her parties, but she shares Ozzie’s philosophy that consent makes it an art form. Non-con shit like drugging drinks or pushing someone into something they aren't down to doing? And someone pulls that kind of stunt on you, her bestie? Yeah, that son of a bitch is yeeted out of the goddamned window faster before anyone can blink and the party's over. 

Vortex would definitely be happy to see you around the dance floor. Other than himself, you’re probably the only person that can calm down Bee if she’s super upset or angry. If you have time before you go home, you help him out with cleaning up the place or getting some hangover remedies prepped up in the kitchen for the the guests that were too fucked up to go home. 

 She’s definitely trying to reign in her temper, but it can be hard for her. When she gets in one of those dark moods, you’re only a phone call away, like you always tell her. And when she does call? You’re there in a heartbeat, or talk to her until she can finally relax and fall asleep. 

Yeah…she’s really glad she met you. 

Taglist:

@myafterlifeisbetterthenyours

@nunezs-stuff

@mitra555

@isuckatwritingsobenice

@nixie-writes

@vikkirosko

@abelheilonwife

@puffy-bangs

@technikerin23

[timefadesaway]

MY MORNING: i get to the car park. Try to use Apple Pay at the meter but it doesn’t work. Try my card and it tells me to use a different card. I don’t have a different card. Luckily there is ringo (ring go) so i pay like that. I get into town and try my card at NatWest (im with Santander but it was closer). ATM immediately spits it back at me. I think uh oh! Go to Costa use my free coffee from my BEANS and go through all my online banking. Nothing wrong apparently. I think hmmmm i shall go to Santander. I go. I use the cash point. It works I have money! I think all is well the parking meter just sucked. I go to the cancer research charity shop and i buy yarn because i want to make a hat with my new crochet skills. £1.80. I try to pay Apple Pay. No luck. I try again. I insert my card. Result: i KILL the cancer research till. It freezes. They invite me behind the till to fix the till because im so youthful. I restart it. They have to call their manager to get the login. I chat to a lovely old lady about knitting (she is queueing because I killed the till). Till works. I pay cash. I go into Santander and talk to them because well i killed a till in a CHARITY SHOP. They look at it. Nothing wrong apparently! And not only is nothing wrong but apparently i DID pay them successfully with Apple Pay at the charity shop. So i paid twice as much for the wool (who cares it’s like £3 and charity but not the point). So the issue is UNRESOLVED. But i took out a bunch of money at the bank just in case i need any this week. Then i went to Waitrose to treat myself to a little lunch and spilled sloppy tomato pasta allllll over the FLOOR at checkout. Which i suppose is karmic retribution for going to Waitrose? And then when i got home I fell OVER into my car and honked my horn. NOT MY DAY!!!!!! But im fine and awesome bc everyone is so nice to me during all of the things that sucked so I still believe in the beauty of the world 💃

[majaloveschris]

That pic is cute but all I can see is when Chris wants to sell something he can, meaning, if people are questioning if his marriage and relationship are real yet we clearly can see he still shows affection to others while unknowingly being filmed, yet he struggles to do that with, the woman with the disappearing ring, when he’s being filmed knowingly and unknowingly, then there’s your truth people. 😎

Remember the park video when he wasn’t aware he was being recorded and his hand went in his pocket as she reached for it once she saw the lady filming them.

Remember the VF video of him seeing the camera and then pretending to be affectionate towards her.

Remember the VF video of him not knowing he’s being filmed and eyeing other women and then noticing the camera and trying to play it off.

Now we seem to have partially returned to the Chris we all came to know and love or he’s just relaxed as he’s in his element. But my thoughts are running rampant so…..let’s discuss.

If Chris was actually in this based on love and not some Hollywood pr, there’d be no questioning anything at least not to the extent it’s gone. There’d be no major plot holes. 🤭

If Chris was cool with said person in some Hollywood PR stunt, maybe things would be done more naturally like ….*cough* Taylor Swift and Travis. (Believe what ya want but I think they are PR and doing a damn good job of it) #TeamTT ❤️ 😂

Now back to Chris….if Chris was against this or the person involved regardless if he initially signed up for it or not, he would probably drag his feet if he couldn’t end things and boy would you lookie there, he’s been dragging his feet like hell even after claiming to be “married”. Meaning if Chris wanted us to believe this were legit, we wouldn’t be here discussing their bs over the past three years.

Imagine being a celeb and KNOWING people are online questioning you and your spouse’s marriage. If he truly loved or gave a damn about her, He’d have shut that down quick.

This is why I don’t bother arguing because in due time this is going to end, he’ll move on and once he’s in an actual relationship, the ones who currently think this is “real” will clearly see the stark contrast between Chris Evans in love vs Chris Evans in some Hollywood bullshit. I rest my case. 👩‍⚖️

They made a red carpet debut and all most could do was laugh. This fandom still rides for this man even when they are mad at him. Yes, this situation is stupid but man the jokes, the pure shade, the letting this girl know we aren’t buying what she’s tried and miserably failed to sell is Icing on the flipping cake!

👏

Also…..the flag mixup will never NOT be funny. 😂 GO LIBERIA!!!! 🇱🇷

Of course, he could sell this whole thing if he wanted to, but he just doesn't want to.

That park video says more than a thousand words. The fact that he didn't want to hold her hands and put his into his pockets when he thought no one was watching says a lot. They do everything for the camera. They are always trying to be sweet and all of that, but they can't keep up the act for so long, which we could see on the VF red carpet. Yeah, they tried playing the happy newlyweds when the camera was watching, when most of the time they were just standing next to each other and talking to other people.

As you said, there are a lot of plotholes. And I know people must be tired of me always bringing the wedding ceremony's location up, but that's my favorite example. Where was it? In Cape Cod? In his Boston-area home? Were the ceremony and party at two different locations? Different outlets mention different places and locations when this should be the easiest one to get, especially since these are all coming from "sources." The same goes for everyone who was at the wedding. Nobody saw them during that one year, yet now everybody is spotting them. Why are they saying they are private when they are putting out video dumps, are at different award shows, and call the paps on themselves?

I think most of the time, when it comes to celebrity couples, especially if one of them is not that well-known, the thought of them being PR is always there, and there will always be people who think certain couples are PR. I'm sure there were couples who were solely PR, and people didn't even figure it out because they were good at selling it. Maybe because they were comfortable around each other, and even if they weren't in love, they liked each other as people or even as friends. However, to me, their fake relationship lacks everything that would make it believable. I don't really think Chris thought this through, and I don't think he is capable of selling a relationship with someone he doesn't have feelings for. I don't necessarily mean "love" (in love with someone) here, but just love (liking the person as a friend, respecting them, wanting to be around them).

[margridarnauds]

okay here we goooooo:

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately 

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

MWAH

Well, it's been a hot minute since you sent this on!

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

It just came naturally to me when I was younger. I had ideas, I wanted to be part of my favorite stories, so I put myself on them. I was devastated to learn about copyright law, but then, when I was twelve, I learned about a wonderful website called Fanfiction.net where you could *publish* and *read* those stories. I was too scared to write them at the time, even though there are a couple of things from that time doomed to remain drafts forever. And then...at a certain point, I became so scared of things besides public humiliation and so Done that I was no longer scared of being sporked on Livejournal, and off we were.

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

I'm too possessive of my own ideas to let anyone else write them, BUT, *if* I could get Elaine Cunningham to write out the sequel I have planned to my BG3 run's novelization, where Kitrye is sent back to the Underdark and has to continue to serve Eilistraee in secret, dragging Raphael along for the ride, I wouldn't be *opposed*. (PLEASE ELAINE I'LL GIVE YOU TEN WHOLE DOLLARS.)

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately 

It seems frivolous given everything else wrong with the world at the moment, but jewelry.

The Victorian garnet ring I have my eye on, that I don't know whether it'll sell out before I have funds again. The way that the light hits the stone in the images, revealing what looks to be a pool of blood beneath a gold and pearl star.

The garnet ring that my grandma gave my mom for her 16th birthday. Each of the women, for three generations of my family, have liked jewelry -- all of us have had our own styles, our own pet favorites, but something that connects all three of us is a love of garnets. The way that my mom can still describe every single detail of it, all these years later, the way that there was a single diamond on each side, the way that they seemed to pucker up to kiss the garnet, as if they loved the stone as much as my mother did. And that was the reason my father stole it from her, along with the rest of her jewelry. Whether, if he hadn't, that ring would have sat on my finger at some point. The way that those kind of actions, born out of spite, don't ever affect just *one* person, but they ripple down over the years.

She still sometimes searches for it, eyeing the search results, only to close the tab, inevitably. Sometimes I wonder where it is now -- if it's on some New York lady's finger, in some estate sale that hasn't been posted online, whether it had been melted down for the gold in it. (I want to believe that the diamond and garnet content would spare it that fate. I want to believe it.) The thought of somehow, in some way, buying it, and finding some small way of making my mom happy, of fixing some of the pain of the past. How I'll look at every single vintage jeweler I can think of, with every single search term I can think of, until my eyeballs are straining from the endless parade of rings that look nothing like what my mother described and I'm forced to give up.

I think about my Victorian ring, if I get it, being snatched away from me in the middle of the night by an angry partner. If it would haunt me the same way that ring haunts her. All that pining, the effort, the strain, the sentimentality, only to ultimately enrich a man who would never understand what it actually meant, that it wasn't just something of cold stone, but something that meant something to me. How I'm drawn to and scared of antique jewelry -- drawn to the history and the craftsmanship, terrified of being the one to somehow destroy it.

The medieval replica garnet ring I keep in my jewelry box, the one that I bought just before everything went to hell. I bought it at a conference, from a jeweler who specializes in medieval replicas, to pair with a garnet necklace that I gave my mother, because I wanted her to have something from the conference when I knew that I might be returning home to my aunt dead. It seemed ridiculous, even at the time: "Your sister's dead, have a necklace!" but, besides acting as my mom's Cadbury Mule when I'm in Europe, it was the only thing I could think to do at the time.

My grandpa's ring, which sits, a little too large, on my middle finger as I type this, with its green stone, so dark that, in the right lighting, it appears almost black. That it might have gone to my cousin instead of me, right up until he sent my mom that text message wishing my late aunt and uncle to burn in hell together. The way the gold looks like it's in a state of motion, breaking down, flowing. My grandpa wasn't a man who loved gaudy jewelry -- he hated a diamond ring that my grandma had wanted him to wear, which we sold off to get a little bit of money, but he wore this one. The way that I run my finger over the smooth surface of it and imagine his finger making the same motion. My grandpa had seemed like such a giant when I was a child, but now, his ring can securely, albeit loosely, sit on my finger. I'd taken it up because it was the closest I could get to a mourning ring. Not that it matters because I'm no longer going to be in a place where people need the reminder. Everyone carries their dead in some way, I just happen to carry them either around my neck or around my finger.

The little "M" necklace that I keep in my travel jewelry box, the one that belonged to my grandma that she wore her entire life. I've never believed it's made of real gold -- likely some thin plating, but when I wear it, I wear it with pride. When I'm attending an event that she would be proud of me for attending, when I want her presence with me. How little I've worn it recently.

The watch and the moonstone ring -- the watch sits on my wrist, the ring lays in my travel case. How both were presents to myself for completing my generals, because that was the only way to actually give it meaning to me, more than the second MA degree that hasn't even been hung up on the wall because of the deep sense of disgust and fear I feel when I look at it. The way that I sought both of them out as a form of retail therapy, just as I'm looking at jewelry now. The way that I know that I was at least in a financial place to buy them when I did -- I was more miserable, but I could drown myself in retail therapy.

The sterling silver necklace, twisted into the shape of the Children of Lir, that I always wear for conferences, now laying, unused in my jewelry box, about three hours before I would have presented. If there'll ever come a time when I'll wear my jewelry like the older female academics, where it'll be seen as a mark of class instead of vulgarity. Whether I'll age into their dignity and poise or whether they were handed a script that not only do I not have, but that I can't read. Whether there'll come a time when my work is seen as being something worth a little inconvenience, whether my words will ever be allowed to stand on their own without being second-guessed and shouted down, or whether that'll never happen because of the same script that other academics seem to have that I don't. Whether I want to rework the paper that I was going to present into a paper for another conference or whether I just want to lick my wounds. Whether, if I presented it at another conference, that necklace around my neck, the words would form half-way in my throat as I realized that it really was garbage, not worth the fight. That I didn't have that necklace with me during the month when everything went wrong, how I'd searched for it, scoured my suitcase and backpack, only to realize I'd left it an ocean away. That, for the first time, I gave two conference papers without it, and how nothing went according to plan and nothing's gone according to plan ever since. If everything, all this could have been avoided at some point, if I'd just worn the necklace with the four doomed swan children on it. Whether, if my colleagues (who weren't mutuals of mine already) will read this, like they've done before, trawl through every single page of my blog from over the course of a decade, because, inconsequential as I am, they really, really love getting their cheap kicks from me, can't leave me alone, even when they leave me in silence, and think I'm genuinely talking about jewelry.

My aunt's wedding ring, which had been one of our great hopes for getting a bit of money, estimated at 10k, offered at 1.5k. It should have sold for more (it should have sold in general), the inheritance should have been in our name since her son had disowned her and told her he didn't want her money, the forty thousand she'd promised us should have been in the will. The sinking feeling of realizing that it's truly us on our own now. The flights I've had to cancel, the friends I'm going to have to disappoint, the fear I feel at the start of every single month as my landlord extracts money from an account that isn't bringing anything in, even as he says that he's looking for people to sublet my place. The gripping fear that no one will come along. (And I'm still looking at that Victorian ring, I admonish myself, but what would I do if I didn't have the ability to dream of that blood-red stone?)

Whether my inheritors will be happy with the collection I leave them when I die, a selection of no fewer than four generations of my family, with me doomed to be the last one left standing, or whether they'll wrinkle their noses in disgust, that there aren't more diamonds, aren't more expensive pieces. My collection wasn't assembled based on money -- I wouldn't have a collection if it was, but on meaning. That I chose to keep the costume jewelry, the cheap QVC items. What my contribution to it will be. The certain, terrible knowledge that one day I'll have to go through my mom's collection, in the way that she went through my grandma's and aunt's, and there won't be anyone with me when I do, no one to stay loyally by my side. No next generation. The doubt on whether I'll even be conscious when that happens. Whether I'll be able to afford jewelry ever again by the time this program's done with me. Whether, if I buy my Victorian ring when I do have funds available, I'll end up broke when they've washed their hands of me again, when they find new little expenses to add up like they did this time. Whether my inheritors will have more of an inheritance than I was granted, more security, should they want to sell it for the sake of their own security. Whether I'll have to sell my collection at some point, or whether it'll stay with me my entire life, even if I cross an ocean. Whether there'll be anyone left to inherit it at all when I'm done, or whether it'll just be sold indiscriminately, one more clump of jewels to either be melted or pawned off.

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

Paragraph blocks, first person that begins with a description, Ebony Dark'ness Demetia Ravenway style (1st person is a noble POV with a long history....it ALSO can very quickly go badly, particularly if it's for fandoms that aren't, themselves 1st person, and that one in particular is usually a sign that you're in for a bumpy ride, though I see it more often in original smut than fanfic these days tbh.) "Okay" pre-19th century.

One thing I haven't discussed before is that I'm *just* repressed enough that, if the MC has sex with someone besides their love interest, unless it's someone I *really* trust, I click away. Yes, I know that people in the real world have sex with people besides their True Love. Yes, I know that this is internalized purity culture on my end. Yes, I've tried to work on it over the years. No, I still don't *like* it, especially if it's a full sex scene.

[borninwinter81]

The mirror is not a mirror. Its a jewellery holder. I bought this mirror for £5 at a car boot sale when I was about 15 years old. It's served me well for the last 27 years. I've always used it more for jewellery, the curly bits lend themselves to that, and it means when they're not being worn they're still decorative to the room.

There's far too much here for me to go through it all, though the vast majority is thrifted or I've had for decades and I forget where its from. However, shoutout to my friend for the rosary style necklace (here's a post I did about them in more detail which includes a link to her etsy shop). She also made the green lady and the heart with the eye in it at the top and the dragon eye. I think they were all done with air drying clay.

I also assembled a few myself (can't really say I properly "made" them), the ones you see on velvet ribbons, and I have a full post about how I did that here.

The message board is not a message board. Its a jewellery holder.

Many of these were found or thrifted. The two sets at the top left are my Good Omens earrings that I put together with charms and beads, the onyx teardrops were my wedding earrings, the flies are by Katie Whittle, the Krampus ones were bought at a comic con but unfortunately I've forgotten the details of the seller (a shame because she had lots of other cool stuff).

The ravens I got from Etsy, but they're originally Ali Express. Be careful with etsy, there are a lot of sellers who claim their stock is handmade but are really re-selling items from Ali Express, Wish or Temu. Initially I found these for £19 ("on sale", regular price supposedly £30). All the seller had done was put an earring hook on them, which I really don't think qualifies them as handmade or warrants such a price hike. I did a search for "crow charm" and found them being sold elsewhere on etsy for £5. Then I did a reverse image search and found the original Ali Express listing where they can be bought for £2.37.

I did buy the £5 etsy ones for the convenience of having them shipped from the UK, but I would always advise checking more than one shop, or using Google lens/reverse image searching if you suspect an etsy item might not be legit.

You may notice, none of my earrings have hooks or posts on them. This is because my ears are stretched (the right has been 16mm for many years, and I'm currently stretching up the left to match, at present it's 5mm), so I can't wear conventional earrings.

You can get special plugs or tunnels that you can hang a hook earring from, but they usually make it very front-heavy which I don't like. I prefer the weight evenly distributed across my whole ear.

So, I simply remove the hook or post from any earrings I buy using jewellery pliers, and when I want to wear a set I hang them from a hinged segment ring (bottom left on my pin board, very cheap online), and put the ring through my tunnel. You just have to make sure there is a loop of some kind left at the top of the earring that you can put the segment ring through.

And if I want to wear them hanging from another of my lobe piercings I can do that too 😉. All my regular piercings are 1.2mm.

[thejewelryhut]

Adorn Your Lady with TheJewelryHut Fancy Designer Antique Retro Vintage-Inspired Victorian Style White Color Crystalline Silver Eternity Engagement Ring and Wedding Band

Bright and Alluring, yet evocative of a mystery! Quality, Artisanship. And Elegance, Unique Jewel as Rare as The Woman Who wears it, Capture her Eyes, Her Soul, and her Heart, with TheJewelyHut Fancy Designer Antique Retro Vintage-Inspired Victorian Style Platinum Plated 925 Sterling Silver Eternity Engagement Ring Featuring Several Emerald Shape White Diamond Color Cubic Zirconia Crystalline (Center Stone and Sides) and sold together with Designer Antique Retro Vintage-Inspired Victorian Style Platinum Plated 925 Sterling Silver Eternity Wedding Band Featuring Several Emerald Shape White Diamond Color Crystalline.

Luxury Jewel that captures her Style and shows off her attitude.  A truly timeless Jewel and can easily be dressed up or worn for a put-together everyday look. Available Ring Size, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Ready to ship 3-5 Days. Out of Stock will be delivered 4-6 Weeks. Buy it with Confidence, Trust, and Integrity.

If Not Now?  Then, When? Visit the Anna Zuckerman Jewelry Gallery, Order online  Now:  https://www.thejewelryhut.com/?page=search&itemvid=449DE542-C9B9-700A-9658AAC007DE2C92

[witchthewriter]

Hi there lovely! Here’s my information for the Sons of Anarchy Ship/Match-up

Features: I’m a female, standing at 5’6, I possess long light brown hair with a tint of redness in the sunlight. My hazel eyes change each day from green/brown to brown/gold. I have the sun and moon tattoos on my thighs, a shark up my side torso on my ribs, half an arm sleeve and a neck tattoo revealing my zodiac sign – Gemini (which I often hide) I’m slender with curves.

Hobbies: I am a workaholic; it becomes my hobby at times. I work in the funeral home, removing the deceased from the POD. I enjoy my free time spent with my dogs, my fierce Doberman and my lovable, motivating exercise collie partner. I enjoy reading all things Stephen King and James Patterson and playing any horror related video games. You guessed it, I’m a strong advocate for the horror genre, and Freddy Krueger will always have my heart. I watch SOA and SPN religiously whenever I tilly tally around the house.

Personality: Often seen as an outgoing, happy go lucky, eccentric lady (This is from first judgement from people I know) When really, I’m rather introverted and possess way too dark humour. I collect knives, different types ranging from a replica of the SPN demon blade, to a jungle machete. These are all encases in a glass shelf, only used for display. I love to make others laugh, and I’m incredibly loyal to those I care for. I don’t practice religion (I support others who do) as the only thing I believe in, is the reaper.

Aesthetics: Not sure if this is a term but my house is very much cabin like. Wooden beams, brown features, brown clocks with black accents. I love this kind of theme, heavily decorated with green plants and fish tanks.  

Likes: Lover of being at home, with my man and the dogs. Also a lover of all things spooky. I enjoy long hot showers with my candles lit in the shower itself, It’s so peaceful. I love to read, whether it be books in my hand or online. Sadly, I am a smoker, so my time alone on my patio having a cig is therapeutic to me. I adore time spent with my little family or my close friends whether it be going to the pub for a beer or shopping at Walmart for new bedding 😊 Coffee is my best friend.

Dislikes: My biggest dislike in this world, is seeing animals mistreated. I am that person that buys the near dead betta fish at the pet store and brings it home to treat and watch thrive. I dislike SNAKES. They just scare me, but don’t wish any ill will on them. Hypocrites are my triggers, can’t stand someone who preaches to the choir about wrong doings when they’re actively just as guilty. Own your shit is my motto.             

Brief fun facts about me!

Used to train canines for search work, in areas such as narcotics and explosives. My closest friend is my grandma. I love to wear black. My go to perfume is good girl. I play COD often – I’m competitive in nature. I wear the SONS rings as I got them custom made, and it’s my favourite accessory!

I put way too much into this post, but hopefully it’ll help lots with finding my best ship! Thanks for taking the time to do this 😊  

Want one? Here be the rules 🦋🌈

You LITERALLY sound like a character from Supernatural?!?! Are you sure you aren't Bobby's long-lost daughter or something?

Also being a canine trainer?! Um... are you the coolest person in the goddamn world? I think so.

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝑰 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑶𝒑𝒊𝒆 𝑾𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒏! I think you guys would be such a perfect match. In a way, you remind me of a cool-ass version of Donna? You seem very strong - emotionally, mentally and physically. Opie is a quiet guy, very loyal and genuine. You don't have to worry about him being manipulative or having underlying motives. He practically wears his heart on his sleeve but does his best not to show it.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

・You’d both be very level-headed and know you can trust the other. Opie is incredibly loyal, and if you showed to him the same loyalty, then nothing could come between you. 

・I think Opie would put on a brave face to watch horror movies, and he finds some scenes funny. Although he gets tight-lipped when there’s a lot of gore (feels a bit guilty?)

・He’d actually like one of your favourite horror movies, and love getting themed gifts from you

・Opie would love staying at home with you - you two would move in together and make your home a paradise. You both have a similar aesthetic. Cabin, rustic, and cosy, Opie would absolutely adore your dogs. 

・I think you would fit in with the club very easily. Gemma would be wary of you at first, but realise you aren't someone that's easily pushed around. You would definitely grow on her without realising it.

[dollfaceskeleton]

Introducing Sex Toys Into Another Relationship

Alright, so barging out of the washroom wearing a tie on probably won't be the best method for introducing sex toys into another relationship, similarly let your man know how much your dildo joys you could cause him to feel deficient, yet starting the utilization of sex toys together in another relationship can be an intriguing and exciting move toward take.

Anything that you're level of certainty utilizing toys it's ideal to begin slow and straightforward so you don't intimidate your other half assuming they are more uncertain. Start with enhancers: extravagance rub oil or a shivering ointment makes certain to work on any sexual experience. Bother your and excite your partner with a delicate, feather tickler for a more serious climax later. Sex toys can and ought to be tied in with upgrading your sexual encounters together. People appear to fail to remember that toys can be heartfelt - assuming you and your partner enjoy getting wet together; attractions handles or hassocks makes shower sex much more tomfoolery.

There are a lot of toys intended for couples to enjoy together. Explore different avenues regarding what does it for both you and your partner. Controller vibrators are an incredible for brassy fun that you can take anywhere. Give your partner the controller - allowing him to make you groan in delight at the press of the button. Rooster rings aren't only for his pleasure - both of you can feel the joy of a vibrating chicken ring: the ring will make his erection last longer, while the vibrations will invigorate her clitoris sending beats of delight for both of you.

Sex toys aren't all dildos and tie ons - there are a lot of tomfoolery games to get you both in that frame of mind. Play with wicked dice or sexual blessing cards for awesome foreplay. You can't beat a sluggish strip bother to turn on any man, take part in a round of strip poker for the ideal piece of suggestive tomfoolery. Not every person feels certain participating in pretend with their partner - buy yourself an outfit that you realize will leave your partner asking for more and you will be stunned the way in which sure you can become.

Ladies could enjoy utilizing their vibrators alone yet men can feel hinted by some toys, propose exhibiting your vibrator before your beau - men are extremely visual and will love getting turned on watching his partner satisfying herself. A vibrator can give astounding feeling to your man on the head, shaft and base of the penis. Butt-centric vibrators can help achieve an incredible high for people, converse with your partner about what they enjoy and get turned out looking for play things online together.

[queenunderthatmountain]

My thoughts about rings of power (cuz i love having an opinion yay enjoy)

1. It was kinda...boring? Look, it took me legit 5 months to finish it. ... (I do lord of the rings marathons extended every three months or so. I'm NOT easily bored.)

But the plot just kinda...wasnt really existent? The scenes seemed to take hours each. Still nothing really seemed to happen for the most part.

2. So dramatic

The conversation were so extra and for what? Like, obviously they talk different in middle earth than in my daily life. I have no problem with them talking in methaphors or anecdotes from time to time. But literally EVERY sentence had to be meaningful and deep. I remember Galadriel asking Elendil "where we going" and it took him five minutes to say "home" which stillll doesnt answer the questions.

also not only the dialoges. like there was one scene in which Arondir and Bronwyn were like fleeing from orcs, it was literally slow motion, most tragic music ever, almost identical to Boromirs death and then...nothing happened? They just escaped? Like for what, it was about 10 minutes?

3. I really didnt care about everyone

Sooo that doesnt mean I didnt like anyone. I did like Elrond (idk he was so pretty) and his dwarf besties, Nori was cute, Halbrand was hach alright i just had to give him pretty privilege I'm sorry.

However the other ones... I just didnt like. Like Arondir and Bronwyns storyline I just didnt care about (Sorry, no hate though) and I couldnt stand Isildurs little ass

4. Galadriel

Soo I have to admit I have just started the silmarillion, so I dont really know much about Galadriels depiction in it, but from what I've seen online it wasnt like here. I just...really didnt like her. I wanted to so badly though. But she was just...really annoying? Maybe if I didnt know her from lotr I wouldnt mind finding her so flawed and selfish and proud,( to which she got to feel the consequences after all). But I feel like they just depowerd her by trying to create a stereotypical young adult girlboss. Hey look, she can fight, she's arrogant and needlessly very mean yass girlpower. But Galadriel was already a strong female character. She was wise, powerful (swordfighting or not), she was Lady of Lothlorien, more important than her husband (sorry) and, importantly, respected. Now she just seemed like a brat that noone took seriously.

5. I hated the armour of Numeror knights. So ugly. Looked like an army of fish.

6. Sauron

Well. I'm weak. So, I don't really know anything about him in the silmarillion yet, so I cant rly judge on that (though I'm pretty sure the Haladriel thing was new). Still i kinda like him. Don't get me wrong, lord of the rings is absolutely perfect and I never really minded it, but in it Sauron really only is depicted as like the ultimate definition of evil. I do kinda like to see more of him, to make him more complex, feeling and ahh. Okay so charlie vickers? wow, just wow. Also really well acted I think. I actually still believed he was babygirl till the last minute despite like a thousand theories.

The Haladriel thing? I dont know about it. It is kinda clichee. But interesting. not sure about that.

7. The way the actors and crew were treated is actually horrible and disgusting

So, even though I said lots of negative stuff here it is still a project that many people were passionate about and worked hard on. Saying things like "complete trash" is just mean, and pointsless anyways. I also kinda wanted to like it because Elon Musk didnt.

The racism that the actors were faced with is just so disgusting and straight up dumb. People will buy immortal magical beings as long as theyre no poc. yeah that makes sense right. I'm so sorry for the actors for having to go though this and experience all that.

OVERALL

While it was to be honest somewhat of a disappointment I'm still looking forward to season 2 :)

Anyways everyone should have their own opinions, noone is a truer or better lotr fan because they like or dislike it, and hate against the cast and crew is unacceptable regardless of your opinion.

Sorry for the essay

[fashionistagirlblogs2]

JEWLERRY IN THE 60S

Above all, pearls shaped the jewellery of the 1960s. They appeared in all sizes and shapes. Necklaces, big earrings, bracelets and rings, they all showed pearls. It didn't matter whether they were real or fake pearls: the ladies bought expensive natural pearls and the teenagers bought plastic pearls. Chokers were very popular in the 60s these were a big thing and still are too this day, especially the bubble look chockers too. when asking my Nannan about the 60s she said that she always wanted one but could never justify buying one!

klappersacks (n.d.). klappersacks. [online] Tumblr. Available at: https://klappersacks.tumblr.com/post/110237270971/the60sbazaar-lauren-hutton-by-gianni-penati [Accessed 12 Dec. 2022].

[kamreadsandrecs]

Title: The Temptation of the Night Jasmine (Pink Carnation #5) Author: Lauren Willig Genres: romance, historical, Regency romance, adventure Content/Trigger Warnings: period-accurate misogyny, depictions of mental health issues, depictions of period-accurate mental health treatments, references to childhood neglect Summary (from publisher’s website): After years abroad, Robert, Duke of Dovedale, has returned to England to avenge the murder of his mentor. To uncover the murderer’s identity, he must infiltrate the infamous, secret Hellfire Club. But the Duke has no idea that an even more difficult challenge awaits him-in a mistaken, romantic-minded young lady. Charlotte Lansdowne wistfully remembers the Robert of her childhood as a valiant hero among men. Too aware of his own flaws, Robert tries to dissuade Charlotte from her delusions, even as he finds himself drawn to her. When Charlotte takes up a bit of espionage-investigating a plot to kidnap the King-Robert soon realizes that she is more than the perfect partner in crime. Caught in a dangerous game full of deadly spies and secret rites, Robert and Charlotte must work together to reveal the villain…and confront their true love. Buy Here: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-temptation-of-the-night-jasmine-lauren-willig/11098348 Spoiler-Free Review: Thus far in the course of my reread of this series, I’ve generally compared my previous experience of the book from when I first read it, to my current experience as I’ve read it now 10-plus years down the line. And so far, what’s happened is that the book in question has either lived up to my memory of it, or (as in the case of the previous two books, but especially in the case of the Deception of the Emerald Ring) failed to live up to that experience. But in the case of this book, I’m going to have to say that my current experience of it actually exceeds my previous experience. I remember being entertained by Charlotte and Robert’s romance, but not liking it as much as Letty and Geoffrey’s. Now, though, I think I might actually like Charlotte and Robert’s romance more than Letty and Geoffrey’s, mostly because I thoroughly enjoyed ups and downs of their dynamic - in particular, the way Charlotte deals with her disillusionment regarding Robert, and how they resolve that in the end. It was clearly painful, but I really enjoyed how Charlotte negotiated that pain and came out all the stronger for it at the end. As for Robert, I found him interesting because he was so different from the previous four male leads. The way he thinks of the nobility and their habits and pursuits are very different from the way Richard, Miles, Geoffrey, and Lord Vaughn think about it, and it was really rather refreshing to get another perspective on that whole thing. His own concerns regarding the relationship he has with his family and his title are also interesting to read about, mostly because of how conflicted he is about both. Speaking of family, I realize that in today’s online climate, the whole thing about Robert and Charlotte being cousins may lead to some rather...LOUD displays of scandalized horror from certain quarters. So to make things clear: it’s laid out in the first chapter that Charlotte and Robert are VERY distantly related, so their romance is rather like two people from a small town occupied by a handful of families getting together and settling down. Secondly, such marriages were common amongst the nobility from many cultures around the world as a means of consolidating and holding on to money, property, and power. Hell, in many cases the consanguinity would be MUCH closer than the very distant relationship Charlotte and Robert have, with first cousins oftentimes being viewed as acceptable for such marriages. It might not be right, but the fact remains that such marriages were practiced in the past, they were practiced during the Regency, and continue to be practiced today. (If you’re interested in how such marriages can go awry across the generations, then look into the Habsburgs, whose family tree - and the consequent health concerns - make for morbidly fascinating reading.) Additionally, this book dips into something that not of novels set during the Regency look at: King George II’s mental health. I won’t get into that too much because of spoilers, but suffice to say that there’s a reason why this specific period in time is so often called the “Regency”, and George II’s mental health had much to do with it. This novel also gives readers a glimpse into how mental health conditions were treated, and it puts into perspective just how VERY far we’ve come in the 21st century when it comes to mental health treatment. Makes me damn thankful too. So overall, this reread was a lovely ride - one that I think is better than the previous novels thus far, and ranks higher than Deception of the Emerald Ring, which was my favorite up until this point. Here’s to hoping the next one’s not so bad - though I’m also setting my expectations low because it takes place in British-occupied India. Rating: five jasmine flowers

[mivraajewels]

Discover the Art of Gold and Diamond Jewellery Shopping with Mivraa

When it comes to luxury and classic appeal, nothing competes with gold and diamond jewellery. Mivraa — Afterall, Mivraa makes jewellery shopping not only in Bangalore but also to all across the globe, an exquisite experience in itself — for all occasions and all kinds of designs and craftsmanship!!

The Best Jewellery Shop in India—Why Mivraa?

Mivraa offers top luxury jewellery, with classic diamond rings, necklaces with an ornate pendant, and gold-plated chains. With a focus on high quality, attention to detail and timeless yet modern designs, we are the destination for your new favourite piece of jewellery.

A glimpse into our gold earring and diamond earring collection:

Our earring collection contains earrings to match all requirements, whether you desire lengthy diamond earrings or heart earrings for your partner. From Indian earrings to contemporary designs, we mix the two for timeless pieces of jewellery you can love forever. Ladies who prefer classic modes of sophistication will surely be impressed with our diamond earrings with drop in gold.

Diamond Rings to Suit Every Occasion Diamond rings fall under the luxury category.

We ensure our complete collection of diamond rings for women, such as luxury diamond rings and diamond gold rings, can add memorable moments. Be it a proposal, an anniversary, or you simply want to indulge yourself—each of our rings is not just a piece of ornament but rather a token of love, loyalty, and class. There is something for everybody in the form of custom and ready-made collections.

Perfect Necklace for Her:

Looking for a necklace for your girlfriend or a gift for a special someone? Our gold necklace designs online are exquisitely crafted with a variety of pendants, ranging from traditional heart forms to modern geometric types. Each item tells a narrative, making it an ideal token of love or a statement piece for any occasion.

Shopping made easy:

Mivraa provides the ease of online gold jewellery buying, allowing you to peruse our collections from anywhere. With a few clicks, you may purchase the most recent diamond earrings, dazzling gold necklaces, and attractive bracelets made for modern women. Don't pass up our amazing savings on diamond earrings and limited-edition designs. Mivraa offers high-quality gold and diamond jewellery in both physical stores in Bangalore and online. Explore our collections today to find the right piece that reflects your style and story.

[pcwpolwrestling]

Extreme Election Night 2024-Part One

Last Week on PCW Extreme Political TV –Taped last weekend at Madison Square Garden in New York City. -AOC plays Madden football online against Tim Walz -Conservative Inc. and the Progressive Alliance object to PCW Champion Charlie Blackwell and the American Heartland Coalition buying a section of tickets close to the ring for ‘ordinary’ people. -MATCH #1: PCW Tag Team Champions Starz N. Stripes/’The Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism defeated Main Street USA (Mike the Mechanic/Farmer John Deer) -Starz N. Stripes/Stone Chism Interview -Konstantin Kisin’s ‘shocking’ report from inside MSG. -The Guild of Low-Level Media People Trying to Make a Name for Themselves complain collectively about the LA Times, Washington Post, and USA Today not endorsing candidates for president. -MATCH #2: Mark Cuban vs. ???- no contest as several strong, intelligent women aligned with Trump come out. -Extreme Election Night 2024 Preview -Pulp Fiction videos from: ‘The Ultimate Political Operative’ Kathryn Randall Collins, PCW Women’s Champion Catherine Cline, The Green World Order, PCW Tag Team Champions Starz/Chism, ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels, PCW Champion Charlie Blackwell, Progressive Alliance candidate Kamala Harris, and American Patriot candidate Donald Trump.

Political Championship Wrestling Extreme Political TV Taped at the DC Armory on Tuesday November 5th New York City, NY Saturday November 9th, 2024

Announcers: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave AGE: 50 / HT: 5’ 11” WT: 195 HOME: Philadelphia, PA HAIR: Brown / STYLE: Like Ronnie Dunn / FACE: Goatee DRESS: Brown suit without tie

Colleen Crowder ‘Low-Level New York Times Reporter Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ AGE: 38 / HT: 5’ 5” WT: 142 HOME: New York City, NY HAIR: Black / STYLE: Curly / FACE: Narrow face with rounded jaw, turned-up nose, faint freckles, and thin lips. Bulging blue eyes, thin eyebrows. DRESS: Black pants suit

PCW Champion: Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) Since 2/10/2024 Contenders: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance) Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) Mike the Mechanic (Main Street USA)

PCW Women’s Champion: Catherine Cline (Independent) Since 9/21/2024 Contenders: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) Laura Brobert (American Patriots) ‘American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (Main Street USA)

PCW Tag Team Champions: Starz N. Stripes and ‘The One-Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (American Patriots) Since 3/3/2024 Contenders: The Deplorables: Ray McAvay/’Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition) The Green World Order: GreenPete/’Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) The Sports Entertainment Corporation: Gator Bates/The Alabama Kid (SEC) Bi-Partisan Dream Team: Blue Dog D/RINO Main Street USA: Ken Worth-American Trucker/Farmer John Deer

Opening: “Main street U.S.A boarded up and dry Knowing what once was here just makes me want to cry Used to be the favorite place Now what remains are memories even time cannot erase

Old man Johnson’s store, where we grew up too fast All that remains today are echoes from the past Used to be a booming town Now all that’s left is either broken up or broken down…”

The Amy Grant song fades into the loud chant coming from the crowd inside the DC Armory…

PCW!… PCW!… PCW!… PCW!… PCW!… PCW!…

Johnny Suave and Colleen Crowder stand in the center of the ring, microphones in hand. The energy is electric, pulsing through the arena like a living entity.

Suave’s eyes sparkle with excitement as he raises his mic.

Johnny Suave: Hello everyone!  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to PCW Extreme Election Night 2024!”

His voice sends the crowd into a frenzy.

The camera pans across the armory, revealing a sea of red, blue, and a smaller section of green. In the red seats, American Patriot fans wave flags and brandish makeshift border walls. The blue section is a kaleidoscope of rainbow flags and “Tax the Rich” signs. Near the ring, the American Heartland Coalition supporters sport overalls and John Deere caps, waving cornstalks like foam fingers.

Johnny Suave: Tonight, we will find out who will become the next CEO of PCW.  Will it be the Progressive Alliance’s Kamala Harris!

The blue section erupts.

Johnny Suave: Or will it be the man who refuses to be counted out, former PCW CEO Donald Trump!

The red section stands and cheers.

Johnny Suave: With me tonight… ‘Low Level Reporter at the New York Times Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Colleen Crowder.

Colleen Crowder adjusts her glasses, a hint of skepticism in her voice.

Colleen Crowder: Let’s not forget, Johnny, tonight is a pivotal night in PCW.  Will we embrace the future in Kamala Harris.  Or will we retreat to the past with Donald Trump… a fascist and convicted felon who’ll end PCW as we know it.

Suave chuckles.

Johnny Suave: Oh, Colleen, always the voice of reason.

The sarcasm drips from his voice.

Johnny Suave: But tonight, it’s Harris versus Trump.  The moment we’ve all been waiting for since PCW returned.  Reason takes a backseat tonight to raw, unfiltered extreme political mayhem!

Crowder’s brow furrows.

Colleen Crowder: Johnny, you keep forgetting… it’s the mainstream media… the legacy media… who determine the narrative.  WE decide what you need to care about.  We tell what you should think.  We tell you how you should feel about a particular issue.  That’s what being a journalist is all about.

Suddenly, the arena lights dim, and a spotlight hits the entrance ramp. PCW Owner Dawn McGill emerges from the back and is escorted to the ring by a team of burly security guards, their muscles bulging under tight black shirts. The arena erupts as she walks down the ramp.  The big screen televisions lining the wall display provocative, but tasteful, images from her recent Henhouse Magazine shoot, igniting a frenzy within the crowd. Fans jostle for a chance to touch her, reaching out with outstretched arms and pleading eyes. McGill strides forward confidently past the fans who jostle and reach out with outstretched arms towards her. She basks in the attention like a queen amongst her loyal subjects.

Suave’s eyes widen.

Johnny Suave: Here we go… it’s Dawn McGill! The mastermind behind this political circus!

Colleen develops quite the sour look on her face.

Colleen Crowder: Swell…

Dawn slides into the ring, her presence immediately commanding attention. She grabs a mic, her blue eyes sparkling with mischief.

Dawn McGill: Welcome, one and all, to the greatest show in American politics!

The crowd goes wild.

Dawn! Dawn! Dawn!

Colleen’s face tightens, her skepticism noticeable.

Dawn continues, her voice a mix of sultry and authoritative.

Dawn McGill: Tonight, we settle scores.  Tonight, we will make history, and most importantly, we will entertain!

She winks at the camera.

Dawn McGill: So buckle up, America. It’s going to be one hell of a ride!

As the crowd roars its approval, Colleen leans in to Suave.

Colleen Crowder: This is madness. We’re treating an important democratic process like a sideshow attraction.

Suave grins, caught up in the moment.

Johnny Suave: Maybe, Colleen. But isn’t that what politics has become anyway?  Let’s run down tonight’s show.

SENATE MATCH: The American Patriots (Bernie Moreno-Ohio, Ted Cruz-Texas, Josh Hawley-Missouri, Tim Sheehy-Montana, and Dave McCormick-Pennsylvania) vs. The Progressive Alliance (Sherrod Brown-Ohio, Cory Allred-Texas, Lucas Kunce-Missouri, Jon Tester-Montana, and Bob Casey-Pennsylvania)

MAIN EVENT-CEO OF PCW MATCH: Donald Trump w/J.D. Vance (American Patriots) vs. Kamala Harris w/Tim Walz (Progressive Alliance)

Johnny Suave: Colleen… your thoughts… not that I don’t think we already have a good idea already what they are.

Colleen Crowder: Johnny, don’t you be mansplaining to me.

Johnny Suave: Then get on with it and SHE-laborate then.

Colleen shoots him a dirty look.

Colleen Crowder: Johnny, it will NOT be a red wave tonight.  But… I think the Senate match could be very close and I think Kamala Harris will defeat Donald Trump… there’s no way Trump wins this tonight.

Johnny Suave: We shall see.  But first, let’s see how we got here tonight.  Originally, the current Supreme Dark Overlord of PCW Joe Biden was going to be the Progressive Alliance candidate tonight and looking for a second four year term.  But then… this happened…

The scene fades with Dawn basking in the adoration of the crowd, Suave beaming with excitement, and Colleen looking on with a mix of resignation and concern. The chants of “PCW! PCW! PCW!” echo through the arena, a harbinger of the chaos to come.

***

REPLAY: Donald Trump (American Patriots) vs. Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance)-Taped June 27th in Atlanta, Georgia The bell rings, echoing through the arena as CNN’s Jake Tapper and Dana Bash raise their arms in unison. Kimber Marshall’s voice cut through the roar of the crowd.

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen, our next match is one fall.  Introducing first… the former CEO of PCW… he’s going to…

The red seats shout back “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”

Kimber Marshall: …representing the American Patriots… DONALD TRUMP!

Trump strutted down the ramp in his signature navy suit and red tie, his golden hair gleaming under the spotlights.

Kimber Marshall: And his opponent…

Across the ring, a hooded figure shuffled out on stage.

Kimber Marshall: …he is the current CEO-er…SUPREME DARK OVERLORD OF PCW!

Occasionally, crackling bolts of energy emit from beneath the dark robe as if Biden was a political version of Emperor Palpatine.

Kimber Marshall: JOE… BIDEN!

Colleen Crowder: Oh my God, Johnny! This is going to be epic!  I can’t believe they’re doing this so early in the season but… hey… a quick knockout of Trump will put an end to this once and for all.

Suave rolls his eyes.

Johnny Suave: Let’s see if he can actually find his opponent first, Colleen.

As if on cue, Biden spins in a confused circle, his back to Trump. Referee Davey Keels gently turns him around, much to the crowd’s amusement.

*DING-DING*

Johnny Suave: And we are underway.  

Trump wastes no time, grabbing Biden in a snapmare and following up with a drop toe hold. The Supreme CEO of PCW hits the mat hard, but manages to fight back with a flurry of right hands and a clumsy shoulder tackle.

Colleen Crowder: Look at that fire from Biden!

Johnny Suave: I think that’s less ‘fire’ and more ‘flailing,’ Colleen.

Trump sidesteps Biden’s charge, sending the robed figure careening into the corner. As Biden struggles to regain his bearings, Trump unleashes a series of vicious boots to his opponent’s midsection.

Johnny Suave: The former PCW CEO is really taking it to Biden here. This could be over quick if-

A stray bolt of political force energy suddenly shoots out of Biden’s eyes, incinerating a hot dog vendor in the front row.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP-

Suave’s exclamation gets cut short by Crowder’s indignant squawk.

Colleen Crowder: That was clearly an accident! Biden’s just warming up!

The match continues, a bizarre blend of traditional wrestling moves and unpredictable bursts of mystical energy. As Trump applies a straitjacket hold, Biden’s thoughts race.

‘Come on, Joe,’ he tells himself. ‘You’ve faced tougher opponents than this. Remember corn pop? He was a bad dude…’

With a surge of strength, Biden breaks free, only to eat a wheelkick from Trump in the corner. The crowd goes wild as the two political titans battle for supremacy in the most literal sense possible.

Trump’s relentless assault continues as he executed a step-up enziguri, followed by a running knee that leaves Biden reeling. The crowd holds its breath as Trump goes for the cover.

“One! Two!” Jake Tapper and Dana Bash count in unison.

Johnny Suave: No!  Biden manages to kick out at the last second.

Undeterred, Trump transitions smoothly into an inside cradle.  Tapper and Bash count again but Biden kicks out at two. Frustration etches across Trump’s face as he stands up, gesticulating wildly at the CNN referees.

Johnny Suave: The count was fair and square! Trump can’t blame the media for this one!

Crowder scoffs.

Colleen Crowder: As if he’s ever needed a reason before.

As Trump argues with the refs, Biden stumbles to his feet, his eyes glowing ominously. Another burst of political force energy shoots forth and this time it takes out a popcorn vendor and a merchandise salesman.

Johnny Suave: Oh, come on! At this rate, we’re not going to have any concession vendors left!

In a move that shocks everyone, Trump suddenly produces a mirror from beneath the ring. As Biden turns, ready to unleash his political force bolts of energy towards his opponent, Trump holds up the reflective surface. The energy bounces back, catching Biden’s robes on fire.

Colleen Crowder: That’s not legal! Where’s the disqualification?

Johnny Suave: For using a mirror?

Biden flails, his robes ablaze. Trump swiftly moves in. He extinguishes the flames by rolling Biden up for a pinfall. The arena fell silent as Tapper and Bash’s hands hit the mat.

“One! Two! Three!”

**DING-DING-DING**

The bell rings.

Johnny Suave: TRUMP WINS!

Crowder is stunned by the result.

Colleen Crowder: I can’t believe it.  The CNN referees… they didn’t even try to help Biden!

Johnny Suave: No, they didn’t.  To their credit, Tapper and Bash called it right down the middle.  Donald Trump wins in the first of two pre-Extreme Election Night 2024 matches.

Suave grins to himself and we cut to a commercial break…

***

FEMA Commercial As the TV screen flickers, a deep, dramatic voice booms through the speakers…

Announcer: FEMA – We’re Here When You Need Us.

The camera pans over the devastation of Chimney Rock, North Carolina – homes reduced to splinters, cars overturned, and debris scattered across what used to be streets.

But there’s not a single FEMA worker in sight.

Announcer: But don’t worry folks…

The deep voice continues with forced enthusiasm.

Announcer: …we’ve got your back!”

*Cue awkward silence*

Cut to FEMA workers in Florida.  One of them encounters a damaged house with a TRUMP 2024 sign in the front yard.

FEMA Worker: Let’s see… avoid homes with Trump sign per leadership. Okay.

The FEMA worker moves on.  

The announcer quickly tries to salvage the situation.

Announcer: Um… wait a minute.  What’s going on here?

FEMA Official Ordered Relief Workers To Skip Houses With Trump Signs

Chad Hershey… FEMA’s Washington DC supervisor… rushes into the scene.

Chad Hershey: We are aware of it and we are taking action at this moment regarding the situation that you’re talking about.  FEMA will be providing a fuller statement.  We are “deeply disturbed” and “horrified” by the employee’s actions, and we have “taken extreme actions to correct this situation.”

Announcer: But-

Sudden end of commercial.

Johnny Suave: Well done, FEMA.  Well done.  All right.  Let’s go to Kimber Marshall for our next match.

***

MATCH #1-SENATE MATCH: The American Patriots vs. The Progressive Alliance The crowd’s chants fade as Kimber Marshall, all legs and charisma, climbs back into the ring. Her brown eyes sparkle with excitement as she raises the microphone to her lips.

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for our Senate match! And it is…

The crowd roars in unison, “ONE FALL!”

Kimber grins, feeding off the energy.

Kimber Marshall: Introducing first, representing the American Patriots…

The arena erupts as Bernie Moreno, Ted Cruz, Josh Hawley, Tim Sheehy, and Dave McCormick emerge on stage, posing like conquering heroes.

Kimber Marshall: Bernie Moreno from Ohio… Ted Cruz from Texas… Josh Hawley from Missouri… Tim Sheehy from Montana… and Dave McCormick from Pennsylvania.

The quintet pause on stage before making their way down the ramp.

Suave’s voice crackles with energy.

Kimber Marshall: The American Patriots are here!  They are fired up and ready for battle!

Colleen adjusts her glasses, her tone skeptical.

Colleen Crowder: Let’s hope they’re as prepared for governing as they are for grandstanding, Johnny.

As the Patriots strut down the ramp, Kimber’s voice booms again.

Kimber Marshall: And their opponents, representing the Progressive Alliance…

Sherrod Brown leads his team out, flanked by Cory Allred, Lucas Kunze, Jon Tester, and Bob Casey.

Kimber Marshall: Sherrod Brown from Ohio… Cory Allred from Texas… Lucas Kunze from Missouri… Jon Tester from Montana… and Bob Casey from Pennsylvania.

The Progressive Alliance five pause on stage and point towards the blue seats inside the DC Armory.  Then they head down the ramp.

Suave leans forward, his eyes gleaming.

Johnny Suave: Folks, we’re witnessing history here. This is Sherrod Brown’s fourth Extreme Election Night appearance!

Colleen Crowder: Impressive, Sherrod Brown has always been a reliable member of the Progressive Alliance.

The ring fills with posturing politicians.

Johnny Suave: Brown’s PCW career started back in 2006 when he defeated Mike DeWine for the Ohio Senate seat. He followed that up with victories over Josh Mandel in 2012 and Jim Renacci in 2018.

Colleen Crowder:  A winning streak that would make any wrestler proud, but he’s got to do it one more time tonight.

**DING-DING**

Chaos erupts. Cruz immediately tackles Allred, sending both men tumbling out of the ring and onto the floor. Hawley grabs a steel chair, swinging it wildly at Tester, who ducks and responds with a kendo stick to Hawley’s midsection.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Tester cracks Hawley in the back with the kendo stick.

Colleen winces as Kunze slams McCormick’s head into the announcer’s table.

Colleen Crowder: Look at the Progressive Alliance go!  Maybe we’ve got a blue wave coming tonight after all.

Johnny Suave: It’s raw, it’s real, it’s American democracy in action- WHOOPS!

Suave ducks as a cheese grater flies past his head, thrown by an overzealous fan.

In the crowd, Brown and Moreno grapple near a group of spectators, who gleefully offer up an assortment of kitchenware as weapons. Brown grabs a cast-iron skillet, brandishing it threateningly.

*BONK*

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!  SKILLET SHOT BY BROWN!

Moreno staggers back and grabs the barricade to keep him up.

Colleen Crowder: Look at that resourcefulness! Brown’s using his experience… and his constituent’s cookware… to defend his seat!

Johnny Suave:  What’s next, filibustering with a spatula?

Colleen Crowder: I’m not sure how to answer that.

The brawl spills back towards the ring and the chaos in the arena reaches a fever pitch as the wrestlers tumble back into the ring. Cruz, his face twisted in a snarl, grabs Allred by the hair and muscles him towards the ropes.

Johnny Suave: Cory Allred’s in trouble!

Cruz drives a couple shots to the gut.

Johnny Suave: Cruz is about to send Allred packing!

Colleen Crowder: Somebody stop him!

With a mighty heave, Cruz tosses Allred over the top rope. The crowd roars as Allred hits the floor with a sickening thud.

Johnny Suave: And there goes Allred! The Progressive Alliance is down a man!

Colleen’s eyes narrow behind her glasses.

Colleen Crowder: I thought Allred would have done better against Ted Cruz.

Before Suave can respond, Sheehy capitalizes on the momentum, hoisting Tester up.

Johnny Suave: HOLD ON!  JON TESTER IN TROUBLE.

Sheehy unceremoniously dumps him over and out of the ring.

Johnny Suave: TESTER’S DONE.  HE’S OUT!

Colleen Crowder: Unfortunately… I’m not surprised.

Johnny Suave: The American Patriots are cleaning house!

Colleen Crowder: It’s not over yet, Johnny.  I still think Lucas Kunze-

The ring clears quickly as Hawley dispatches Kunze over the rope.

Johnny Suave: Nope.  He’s gone too.

Colleen Crowder: Dammit!

McCormick also whips Casey over the top rope… but Casey grabs the ropes before his feet hit the floor.

Johnny Suave: HE’S NOT OUT YET!

Colleen Crowder: C’mon Bob!  Hang on!

This leaves Casey clinging desperately to the ropes. McCormick moves in for the kill, pulling Casey’s fingers off the ropes.  Casey slips but grabs on to the rope again.

Johnny Suave: Wait a minute! Casey’s foot may have touched the floor!

Colleen Crowder: I don’t think so. I think Casey grabbed the rope in-

The referee calls for the bell.

*DING-DING-DING*

Johnny Suave: THE AMERICAN PATRIOTS WIN!

Colleen Crowder: NO!  Bob Casey’s feet did NOT hit the floor.

Johnny Suave: That’s not what the referee is saying.  He’s saying it’s over.

Casey protests vehemently, but to no avail. The crowd’s chants drown out his objections.

Johnny Suave: And then there were two.  It’s down to Moreno and Brown. The young challenger versus the seasoned veteran.

Colleen shakes her head, a mix of disgust and fascination on her face.

Colleen Crowder: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… we’ll see if Brown has enough left in the tank to survive this.

The crowd’s roar intensifies as Moreno and Brown circle each other, the fate of the inter-faction match hanging in the balance.  Moreno ascends the turnbuckle, his eyes locked on Brown’s prone form.

Johnny Suave: Moreno’s going high-risk here, Colleen! This could be the turning point!

Moreno launches himself into the air, aiming for a crossbody, but Brown rolls away at the last second. The young challenger crashes into the turnbuckle with a sickening thud.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CARP!  Moreno just ate canvas! Brown’s veteran instincts on full display there.

Colleen Crowder: That’s why he’s won three previous Extreme Election Night matches, Johnny.

Brown pounces, covering Moreno for the pin. The referee’s hand slaps the mat once… twice… but Moreno kicks out with explosive force.

Johnny Suave: NO!  Moreno kicks out!

Moreno scrambles to his feet, his eyes wild with determination. He ducks under Brown’s clothesline attempt.

Johnny Suave: Moreno ducks under Brown and spins behind the older wrestler.

Johnny Suave: Tilt-a-whirl coming up!

In a blur of motion, Moreno executes a perfect tilt-a-whirl DDT, spiking Brown’s head into the mat. The crowd erupts, chanting “PCW! PCW! PCW!”

Johnny Suave: Brown started strong, but he’s fading fast against this young dynamo!

Colleen Crowder: That’s what I was afraid of, Johnny.

Moreno, feeling the energy of the crowd, repeats the move. Brown’s body goes limp as his head bounces off the canvas.

Johnny Suave: Another tilt-a-whirl DDT! Brown’s gotta be out cold!  Cover!

“One… two…

Johnny Suave: NO!  Somehow, someway, Brown gets a shoulder up before the three-count.

Moreno’s eyes widen in disbelief.

Johnny Suave: What will it take to keep the veteran down?

Colleen Crowder: Sherrod Brown’s been there before.  He knows how to handle himself in this type of match.

Moreno, his face a mask of determination, rips off his elbow pad. The crowd holds its collective breath as he climbs the turnbuckle once more.

Johnny Suave: Uh oh.  What is Moreno doing?

Colleen Crowder: COME ON SHERROD… MOVE!

Johnny Suave: Flying elbow incoming!

Moreno soars through the air, his elbow connecting squarely with Brown’s chest. The impact echoes through the arena.

Johnny Suave: THAT’S GOTTA BE IT!

But instead of going for the pin, Moreno locks in a sleeper hold.

Johnny Suave: SLEEPER!  SLEEPER!

Brown thrashes wildly, his face turning red as he struggles for air.

Colleen Crowder: Break the sleeper!  Come on Sherrod!

Johnny Suave: Moreno’s looking to make Brown tap or nap!

Brown’s movements grow weaker, his arms flailing uselessly.

Colleen Crowder: Sadly, I think he’s napping.

Finally, Brown’s hand taps the mat in submission.

**DING-DING-DING**

Johnny Suave: It’s over! Moreno has done the unthinkable! The young challenger has pinned the veteran Brown and the American Patriots win the match.

Kimber Marshall: Your winner… THE AMERICAN PATRIOTS!

Colleen Crowder: Ugh.

Johnny Suave: Big night on the Senate side for the American Patriots.

Cut to commercial…

***

Celebrities for Kamala Harris 2024 The video screen comes to life and a sea of Hollywood elites sways in unison, their perfectly primped faces frozen in exaggerated concern. The heavily botoxed faces of George Clooney, Barbra Streisand, and Whoopi Goldberg among others. The View hosts, Sunny Hustin and Joy Behar, also make an appearance, swaying back and forth to the music with enthusiasm as they belt out their sanctimonious chorus.

“You’d better watch out! ‘Cause now we’re really pissed! Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win!”

They sway back and forth, clapping off-beat.

“We said watch out! ‘Cause now we’re really pissed! Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win! Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win!”

The camera zooms in on John Mellencamp, his weathered face a mask of faux outrage as he croons…

“We’ve all come together… Come together for a good cause. The fact that it exists. Just really pisses us off!”

The whole group comes in for the chorus.

“You’d better watch out! ‘Cause now we’re really pissed! Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win!”

They continue to sway back and forth, clapping off-beat as we see members of MSNBC and CNN join the group.

“We said watch out! ‘Cause now we’re really pissed! Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win! Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win!”

The shot cuts to Beyoncé, resplendent in a gown that probably cost more than most people’s homes. She belts out her verse with theatrical intensity:

“We’re all famous artists We’re giving some of our important time!”

Her hand flails dramatically as she oversings the next part and nearly picks off a couple people behind her.

“And we come in our limos from our private suites and exclusive, ‘fenced-in neighborhoods where you little people wouldn’t have a sniff of chance to ever live in’ Just to be here tonight!”

The celebrities launch into another round of their self-righteous refrain.

“You’d better watch out! ‘Cause now we’re really pissed!”

They continue to sway back and forth, clapping off-beat.

“Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win!”

“We said watch out! ‘Cause now we’re really pissed! Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win! Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win!”

The camera pans over to Bruce Springsteen, his weathered face etched with an earnest intensity that seemed almost comical given the context. He grips the microphone, leaning in as if imparting some profound wisdom:

“I sing my songs for the common man At two hundred dollars a show I never see them in the audience Because they can’t afford to go.”

The group continues to clap off the beat as the chorus comes around again.

“You’d better watch out! ‘Cause now we’re really pissed! Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win!”

They continue to sway back and forth, clapping off-beat.

“We said watch out! ‘Cause now we’re really pissed! Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win! Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win!”

The shot transitions smoothly to John Legend, his soulful voice soaring from the living room of his luxury home as he croons on the bridge of the song:

“I’m telling you all We’re all gonna die-eee. If don’t vote the way we want you to. That’ll be the reason why.”

The entire ensemble launches into another round of their sanctimonious chorus, this time joined by more Hollywood star power, the Progressive Alliance’s Berkeley, California Professor McCarthy and his flock (The Green World Order, Codee Pink, Emily S. List, “Mr. Hollywood” Kevin Daniels among others) … the Conservative Inc. folks, the American Patriots/Never Trumpers/country club set (Bill Kristol.  Charlie Sykes.  Jonah Goldberg. David French.  Tom Nichols.  David Reaboi.  Jennifer Rubin. Mitt Romney, Rick Wilson, George Conway, John Kasich. Dick Cheney, Lynne Cheney, and S.E. Cupp)… and of course, Kamala Harris and Tim Walz.

“You’d better watch out! ‘Cause now we’re really pissed!”

They continued to sway back and forth, clapping off-beat.

“Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win!”

“We said watch out! ‘Cause now we’re really pissed! Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win! Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win!”

They continue to warble, swaying in unison like a well-coiffed, designer-clad cult.

“You’d better watch out! ‘Cause now we’re really pissed! Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win!”

They continue to sway back and forth, clapping off-beat.

“We said watch out! ‘Cause now we’re really pissed! Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win! Don’t vote for the presidential candidate who we do not want to win!”

Fade to black.

Back to the broadcast table…

Fema Update Johnny Suave: Okay.  We have an update on the FEMA commercial from earlier tonight.

FEMA Employee Fired

Johnny Suave: All right.  As everyone knows, after Joe Biden’s disastrous match with Donald Trump in June, the Progressive Alliance got together and replaced Biden with his aide de camp- Kamala Harris.

Colleen Crowder: Biden did the right thing to pass on the torch to Harris!

Johnny Suave: Trump and Harris met for the first time in September in their one and only matchup before tonight.  Let’s go back to Philadelphia for the match.

***

REPLAY: Donald Trump (American Patriots) vs. Kamala Harris (Progressive Alliance) with Special Referees David Muir and Kinsey Davis of ABC News- Taped September 10th in Philadelphia, PA The arena pulses with anticipation, the air thick with expectation as Kamala Harris’s theme erupts through the speakers. She strides confidently down the ramp, her eyes fixed on the ring that has become a battleground of ideology and ego. The audience reacts with a mix of cheers and jeers, but she is unfazed; every step is a statement, each stride exuding the poise of a seasoned political combatant.

Johnny Suave: “Kamala making her way to the ring, Colleen, and you can see she’s ready for this unprecedented matchup.”

Johnny Suave’s voice booms over the crowd’s clamor, his tone betraying no allegiance.

Colleen Crowder: “Absolutely, Johnny.”

Colleen’s bias was thinly veiled.

Colleen Crowder: “She’s been preparing for this moment, and I’m confident she’ll uphold the values of the Progressive Alliance.”

Before the echoes of Harris’s entrance fade, the familiar brassy strains of the Imperial March meld into a rhythmic chant that shakes the very foundations of the 2300 Arena. “TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!” The crowd’s fervor reaches a fever pitch as Donald Trump emerges, his supporters’ voices transforming the melody into an anthem of unwavering support: “TRUMP. TRUMP. TRUMP. TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP.”

Johnny Suave: “Listen to this crowd, Colleen! You can feel the electricity here tonight!”

Suave has to shout to be barely heard above the din.

Trump descends the ramp like a king surveying his domain, his expression one of unassailable confidence. He climbs into the ring, his presence alone commanding attention as he surveys the crowd, basking in the adulation of his base.

Johnny Suave: “Both competitors are now in the ring, and here come our special guest referees, ABC’s David Muir and Kinsey Davis.”

The two figures slip between the ropes, impartiality promised in their professional nods to each competitor.

Colleen Crowder: “Remember, Johnny, they’re here to ensure fairness.”

Muir and Davis lay out the ground rules, their voices firm despite the uproar surrounding them. They call for respect, for sportsmanship, the principles of the match echoing the grander theater of political discourse. With a final check, the bell rings, and the battle commences.

From the outset, Harris is tentative, gauging her opponent with careful moves, testing the waters of this high-stakes confrontation. Trump, however, is all aggression—a force of nature unleashed. Quick to seize the advantage, he corners Harris, his tactics as brash and unapologetic as his campaign rallies…

Johnny Suave: “Trump’s not holding back, taking the fight straight to Harris!”

The action unfolds with rapid intensity.

Johnny “Wait, what’s this?”

Suave’s tone shifts as steel-folding chairs find their way into Harris’s hands, the tools of political wrangling turned literal instruments of combat.

Colleen Crowder: “Johnny, I think Muir and Davis are offering some… ‘strategic advice’ to Harris.”

The referees’ subtle positioning and gestures seemingly favor one side of the ideological divide.

Johnny Suave: “Sure they are.”

Suave’s sarcastic tone encapsulates the charged atmosphere as Harris begins to rally, utilizing the openings provided by the attentive referees.

The crowd’s roar swells within the 2300 Arena as Kamala Harris, with a sly grin, delivers a verbal jab that seems to pierce through Donald Trump’s brash exterior. The former President circles her like a shark, his face flushed red, not from any physical blow, but from the sting of Harris’s cunning words.

Johnny Suave: “Trump’s looking rattled out there, Colleen!”

Colleen Crowder: “Johnny, Kamala Harris is doing very well tonight.”

Trump, now with a renewed fire, charges at Harris, but as he gains momentum, ABC’s David Muir and Kinsey Davis both step in, ostensibly to check on Harris, halting Trump’s advance.

The American Patriots’ section erupts in a chorus of boos, outraged by the audacious interference.

Johnny Suave: “Come on! That’s the third time they’ve done that ! It’s three against one in there!”

Colleen Crowder: “Johnny, they’re just doing their job and calling it right down the middle.”

Colleen’s tone was laced with condescension.

Johnny Suave: “Right down the middle my ass!”

Within the ring, Trump regains control. His movements are relentless, his attacks precise. Yet,  Muir and Davis insert themselves once again, this time more overtly than before, shielding Harris from Trump.

Johnny Suave: “Oh come on!  How can you say this isn’t three on one!”

Colleen Crowder: “Absolutely not, they’re ensuring a fair match.”

Before another word could be uttered, the arena’s atmosphere shifts and the crowd pops.

Johnny Suave: “What’s this?”

PCW owner Dawn McGill makes her entrance.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  DAWN McGILL IS COMING TO THE RING!’

Dawn storms down the ramp with a fury that matches the intensity of the crowd’s excitement. She’s businesslike but her presence commands attention, much like in her Henhouse Magazine photo shoot.

Crowd: “PCW! PCW! PCW!”

Dawn slides into the ring with the grace of a seasoned pro, snatching the mic from Muir’s hand.

Dawn McGill: “What the *BLEEP* is this?”

Her gaze pierced through both referees.

Dawn McGill: “I’m calling for the bell!”

Johnny Suave: “WOW!”

Colleen Crowder: “Johnny this is outrageous!”

Johnny Suave: Dawn McGill has called for the bell and ended the match because of the poor refereeing.

Colleen protests vehemently.

Colleen Crowder: “She has no right to interfere in this match!  Muir and Davis were doing their jobs-”

Suave glances at Colleen, incredulous.

Johnny Suave: “Interfere? Are you kidding me?  Where have you been all match long? She’s restoring order where these so-called impartial referees failed!”

Colleen Crowder: “My fact check says you are one hundred percent wrong.”

Johnny Suave: ‘And you know where you can stick your…”

Johnny does the air quotes thing with his hands.

Johnny Suave: “…’fact-checking.’

Cut back to the broadcast desk after the replay ends.

Johnny Suave: So PCW owner Dawn McGill stepped after the blatant interference of David Muir and Kinsey Davis of ABC News.

Colleen Crowder: Johnny, Dawn had no right to go out there and stop this match.  Muir and Davis called it right down the middle… fair… impartial… and-

Johnny Suave: Your nose is growing out.

Colleen stops… sputters… and lets out a shriek.

Cut to commercial…

***

Donald Trump Video by Nicole Shanahan We see Donald Trump escorted by security through the backstage headed to the stage.

Donald Trump (voiceover): What will we do with this moment?

Cut to… a still of Donald Trump speaking being a lone microphone on a stage.

Donald Trump (v/o): How will we be remembered?

Cut to… Trump back stage raising and shaking his fist at the Republican National Convention.

Donald Trump (v/o): Look at the opportunities before us.

Cut to… a silhouetted woman gazing upon an ocean. The camera slowly pans, revealing Tulsi Gabbard’s face.

Tulsi Gabbard (v/o): This election really isn’t about the left versus the right. It’s about we the people choosing our government and the choice between freedom versus tyranny.

Cut to… a man in a white buttoned shirt fixing his blue tie.  He gazes out through a large glass window towards a large city in the background while a video is projected onto a wall of him as a young child.

Music with a choir singing is heard.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (v/o): No one has a chronic disease burden like we have.

The video now projects Bobby Kennedy giving a speech in 1968.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (v/o): Why are we allowing this to happen to our children?

Kennedy places both hands on the glass and continues to look out at the city below.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (v/o): Ultimately the only thing that will save our country…

Cut to a side view of RFK Jr. at the glass.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (v/o): …if is we choose to love our kids more than we hate each other.

Cut to… Nicole Shanahan. Arms crossed in front of a window with trees behind her.

Nicole Shanahan (v/o): What is going on here is deeper than politics.

Cut to… a shot of the sun obscured by the leaves in a tree… some of the rays shining through.

Nicole Shanahan (v/o): It is deeply spiritual.

Cut to… Shanahan on the street pointing at a car… then her walking down a sidewalk behind RFK Jr.

Nicole Shanahan (v/o): We are being called to rise about the hatred… and the fear… and the evil.

Cut to… J.D. Vance feeding his infant girl in a high chair.

J.D. Vance (v/o): We need to remember above and beyond…

Cut to J.D. holding his daughter who tries to feed him a cracker and misses.

J.D. Vance (v/o): …we must love our neighbors, that we must treat other people as we hope to be treated.

Cut to… Vivek Ramaswamy in a back area of an arena surrounded by people.

Vivek Ramaswamy (v/o): You want to be a rebel?

Cut to Vivek sitting in a chair doing an interview with two bright lights shining on him.

Vivek Ramaswamy (v/o): You want to be a hippie?

Cut to Vivek talking with people backstage after the interview then talking with a group of people.

Vivek Ramaswamy (v/o): You want to stick to the man? Show up on your college campus and call yourself a conservative.

Cut to… Elon Musk looking up as a rocket returns to the launch pad.

Elon Musk (v/o): America is going to reach heights that it’s never seen before

Cut to the rocket landing on the launch pad perfectly.

Elon Musk (v/o): The future is going to be awesome!

Cut to Musk speaking at a Trump rally and shouting out, flexing both arms.

Cut to various scenes: -people along a parade route. -J.D. Vance speaking to an interviewer. -African-Americans with ‘Blacks for Trump 2024’ t-shirts on and one man with a red ‘47’ hat on. -Donald Trump riding in the passenger seat of a garbage truck in Wisconsin.v

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (v/o): Don’t you want healthy children?

Cut to… Kid Rock in concert.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (v/o): Don’t you want a president who’ll make America healthy again?

Cut to… RFK Jr. speaking at a Trump rally with Trump standing next to him.

Cut to various scenes: -Tulsi Gabbard saluting at a gravesite -Tulsi meeting military personnel at a meet and greet and hugging a soldier. -Nicole Shanahan walking up the steps to a stage. -a close up of Nicole smiling.

Nicole Shanahan (v/o): I come to you today as a former Democrat.

Cut to… Shanahan speaking at a Tucker Carlson Live Tour in Glendale, Arizona.

Nicole Shanahan (v/o): I will be a first time Trump voter tonight.

Nicole votes with a pen on a mail in ballot for Trump on stage.  She holds up the ballot after she’s done.

Cut to various scenes with Kid Rock’s “American Rock and Roll” playing underneath: -a crowd at a Trump rally -Trump pumping his fist at a rally -Kid Rock singing “American Rock and Roll.” -Balloons falling at the RNC -Trump doing a little dance on stage. -Trump with Tucker Carlson -Trump on Joe Rogan’s show -Trump working at McDonald’s -Vivek fist-bumping a worker.

Donald Trump (v/o): The people dreamed this country. And it’s the people who are making America great again.

***

Cut back to Suave and Crowder at the broadcast table.

Johnny Suave: Colleen?

Colleen glares disgustedly at Suave.

Colleen Crowder: No comment.

Johnny Suave: All right.  After that… it was time for the two candidates to be the aide de camp, second in command, to battle it out.  Trump chose J.D. Vance of Ohio to be his aide de camp. Harris chose Tim Walz of Minnesota to be hers.  CBS’s Norah O’Donnell and Margaret Brennan were the special referees.  Would they do a better job than the ABC crew did?

Colleen Crowder: There was nothing wrong with how the ABC reporters refereed the Trump-Harris match.

Johnny Suave: Yeah right.  Here is the Walz-Vance match from last month.

***

REPLAY: Tim Walz (Progressive Alliance) vs. J.D. Vance (American Patriots) with Special Referees Norah O’Donnell and Margaret Brennan of ABC News- Taped October 1st at The Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City The Hammerstein Ballroom erupts in a cacophony of cheers and boos as the opening chords of “Hillbilly Elegy” blast through the speakers.

Johnny Suave: Here we go.  It’s time for our main event and J.D. Vance is coming out first.

J.D. Vance emerges from behind the curtain, his chiseled physique barely contained by his red, white, and blue tights. The American Patriots’ golden boy raises his fists triumphantly, basking in the adoration of his supporters.

Johnny Suave: And here comes the Appalachian Avenger! J.D. Vance, looking to make a statement for the American Patriots tonight and help Donald Trump!

Vance’s eyes narrow as he scans the crowd. As he strides confidently down the aisle, the music abruptly shifts to “The Internationale.” Tim Walz, the Progressive Alliance champion, slinks towards the ring, clutching a kendo stick like a lifeline. His eyes dart nervously from side to side.

Johnny Suave: And here comes Tim Walz.  He looks like he’s about to wet himself.

Both men enter the ring, tension crackling between them. Special referees Norah O’Donnell and Margaret Brennan of CBS News take their positions, their expressions a mix of determination and trepidation.

Johnny Suave: This is it. The last big match before Extreme Election Night 2024.  The last match between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris was a farce because of the blatant interference of ABC’s David Muir and Kinsey Davis.  Let’s hope tonight is different.

Colleen Crowder: Let’s hope not.  Muir and Davis were fair and so will O’Donnell and Brennan.

The bell rings, and chaos erupts. Walz swings wildly with the kendo stick, his face contorted in desperation. Vance ducks smoothly, years of political maneuvering translating seamlessly to the wrestling ring. He tackles Walz to the mat, unleashing a flurry of fists.

Johnny Suave: Vance is on fire. He’s dismantling Walz like he’s exposing government overreach!

Colleen Crowder: He’s being too aggressive.  Vance must have toxic masculinity issues.

Vance goes to roll up Walz but O’Donnell steps in, tapping Vance on the shoulder.

Norah O’Donnell: We need to move on.  We have a lot to get through tonight.

Vance’s head snaps up, his eyes blazing with indignation.

Johnny Suave What the hell? This isn’t a debate, it’s a political wrestling match!

Colleen Crowder: Well, we do have a lot to get through tonight, Johnny.

Without warning, Vance grabs Walz by what little gray hair he has and drags him to the corner. The Progressive Alliance champion’s eyes widen in fear as Vance lifts him with a mighty heave and rams Walz into the ring apron with a sickening thud.

Colleen Crowder: That’s not right!

Not content, Vance hurls his opponent into the steel barriers. The clang echoes through the Hammerstein Ballroom as Walz crumples to the floor.

Johnny Suave: Vance is surgically taking Walz apart! This is more one-sided than the J6 Congressional hearings!

Colleen Crowder: You take that back!  That’s not factually correct-

Johnny Suave: VANCE THROWS WALZ BACK INTO THE RING!

Breathing heavily, sweat glistening on his brow, Vance drops for the cover, a triumphant grin spreading across his face.

But this time, Brennan intervenes.

Margaret Brennan: We need to move on. We have a lot of ground to cover tonight.

Johnny Suave: What the hell is going on here? They’re doing the same crap Muir and Davis did.

Colleen Crowder: Again Johnny, I trust the legacy media to do what’s right.  We have much to cover tonight.

The crowd’s boos intensify as Walz, seizing the opportunity, lands a few desperate shots on the distracted Vance.

Johnny Suave: Cheap shot by Walz.

With lightning speed, Vance connects a thunderous superkick to Walz’s jaw.

Johnny Suave: Oh, hello!

The Progressive Alliance champion staggers, his eyes glazed.

Colleen Crowder: That’s illegal.

Johnny Suave: No it’s not.

Vance’s gaze falls on a steel chair at ringside. A wicked grin spreads across his face as he grabs it, the metal cold against his palms.

Johnny Suave: Vance has a chair.

Colleen Crowder: That is definitely not legal.

*WHACK*

Vance brings the chair crashing down on Walz’s back.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

The Progressive Alliance champion crumples to the mat, a pained groan escaping his lips.

Johnny Suave: And he’s going to do it again!

Colleen Crowder: STOP HIM MARGARET… NORAH!

As Vance winds up for another chair shot, Brennan steps between them.

Margaret Brennan: We need to move on.  There’s a lot of ground to cover.

O’Donnell takes the chair away from Vance who looks at her incredulously.

The crowd’s roar crescendos as Walz, somehow finding a reserve of strength, flails wildly at Vance. His punches are sloppy, desperate, but the sheer volume threatens to overwhelm the American Patriot.

Johnny Suave: Walz is throwing everything he’s got!

But Vance ducks under and lifts Walz, bringing him down on his knee.

Johnny Suave: ATOMIC DROP BY VANCE!

Vance goes to cover but… O’Donnell steps forward yet again, her voice tinged with exasperation.

Noral O’Donnell: We really need to move on-

The crowd erupts in a mixture of cheers and boos, the tension in the arena palpable.

Seizing the moment of distraction, Vance’s hand finds another steel chair and raises it once more.

Colleen Crowder: Where do these chairs keep coming from?

*WHACK*

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

With a resounding crack that echoes through the Hammerstein Ballroom, Vance brings the chair down on Walz’s skull. The Progressive Alliance champion crumples to the mat like a marionette with cut strings.

Vance drops for the cover, his chest heaving.

Johnny Suave: Vance for the win…

O’Donnell and Brennan stand motionless, refusing to make the count.

Johnny Suave: …but O’Donnell and Brennan aren’t making the three count.  What the f-

The crowd roars as a blur of blonde hair and determination storms down the ramp.

Johnny Suave: WAIT A MINUTE!  HERE COMES DAWN McGILL!

PCW owner Dawn McGill, her eyes blazing and her 6-foot frame radiating authority, slides into the ring.

Colleen Crowder: Why is she interfering in this match?

McGill glares at both O’Donnell and Brennan as she stands up.

Dawn McGill: Oh, for Christ’s sake.

Without hesitation, she drops to the mat, her hand slapping the canvas with each count.

Dawn McGill: One! Two! Three! Ring the damn bell!

*DING-DING-DING*

The resounding thud of Dawn McGill’s hand striking the canvas for the third time reverberates through the Hammerstein Ballroom. She springs to her feet, her blonde hair whipping around as she signals for the bell.

O’Donnell and Brennan stand frozen, their expressions a mix of shock and indignation. Dawn’s piercing glare silences any protest they might have mustered.

At ringside, Colleen Crowder’s carefully cultivated composure shatters.

Colleen Crowder: This is an outrage!

She shrieks, her perfectly coiffed hair coming undone as she gesticulates wildly.

Colleen Crowder: McGill is overstepping her bounds! This is a clear violation of journalistic integrity in wrestling!  We… the media decide who wins or loses… not-

Johnny Suave: Your winner tonight is J.D. Vance and the American Patriots strike a blow against the Progressive Alliance!

Vance stands tall in the ring, his chest heaving with exertion and triumph. Dawn raises his arm, her face a mask of determination.

The crowd’s reaction is a perfect storm of cheers and boos, a microcosm of the nation’s divided state. Some fans pump their fists in the air, while others hurl invectives at the ring.

Cut back to the broadcast desk…

Johnny Suave: Vance defeated Walz last month-

Colleen Crowder: Again, Dawn McGill had no right to step in and make the three count.  There was still much to do in the match before-

Johnny Suave: Yes, Colleen.  The legacy… establishment media really shone there, didn’t they?

***

Next Week’s Extreme Election Night 2024- Part Two Preview The screen flickers to life, a rapid-fire montage of bone-crushing slams and political podiums exploding into splinters. Suddenly, Johnny Suave’s voice booms through the speakers, dripping with unbridled enthusiasm.

Johnny Suave: Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for the most extreme collision of politics and pro wrestling in history! Next week, we present part two of  PCW’s Extreme Election Night 2024, and I guarantee you’ll need a recount after this ballot-busting event!

Johnny’s voice rises to a fever pitch as images of Catherine Cline and Kathryn Randall Collins flash across the screen, their eyes locked in a fierce staredown.

Johnny Suave: In our opening bout, PCW Women’s Champion Catherine Cline puts her title on the line against ‘The Ultimate Political Operative’ Kathryn Randall Collins! Will Cline’s basketball-honed agility be enough to counter Collins’ Machiavellian machinations?

The scene shifts to Stone Chism and Starz N. Stripes, draped in red, white, and blue, facing off against Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete, who are surrounded by a sea of protest signs.

Johnny Suave: The American Patriots defend their Tag Team gold against the Green World Order! Can the vegan violence of Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete topple the star-spangled dominance of Chism and Stripes? And will Peta from PETA tip the scales in this environmental enigma?

Charlie Blackwell appears, holding the PCW Championship high, only to be interrupted by Kevin Daniels strutting down a red carpet.

Johnny Suave: Main Street USA meets Tinseltown as PCW Champion Charlie Blackwell defends against ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels! Will the Heartland Hero fall victim to Daniels’ blockbuster ambitions?

The screen erupts with images of Kamala Harris and Donald Trump, each flanked by their respective cornermen, Tim Walz and J.D. Vance.

Johnny Suave: And of course… we will have the Extreme House Match featuring American Patriots’ Jim Jordan of Ohio, Lauren Boebert of Colorado, Georgia’s Marjorie Taylor Greene, Chip Roy from Texas, and Thomas Massie from Kentucky going up against The Progressive Alliance’s Hakeem Jeffries of New York, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez of New York, Eric Swalwell of Texas, Jamie Raskin Maryland, and Ted Lieu of California.

Johnny’s voice reaches a crescendo as the montage intensifies, a whirlwind of political slogans and wrestling moves blending into chaos.

Johnny Suave: Extreme Election Night 2024! Where the only hanging chads are the ones left dangling from the rafters! Tune in next week or I’ll filibuster until you do… and we don’t want that!

***

Cut back to the broadcast table…

Johnny Suave: No we don’t.  Let’s go backstage for one more word with each candidate tonight before our main event.

Backstage Interviews with Harris and Trump The camera cuts backstage, where Woodward Bernstein stands with Donald Trump, the former PCW CEO’s hair impossibly coiffed and suit immaculate despite the chaos of the night.

Woodward Bernstein: Mr. Trump, your thoughts on tonight’s match against Kamala Harris?

Trump’s eyes gleam with characteristic bravado.

Donald Trump: Woodward, let me tell you, it’s going to be beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. We’ve got a dream team – RFK Jr., the brilliant Nicole Shanahan, and the unstoppable Tulsi Gabbard. It’s like the Avengers, but better looking and with higher ratings.

He pauses, savoring the moment.

Donald Trump: Tonight, we’re not just making PCW great again. We’re making America great again! And let me tell you, Harris doesn’t stand a chance. She’ll crumble faster than her poll numbers!

The scene abruptly shifts to another backstage area, where Mindy Taylor stands with a visibly nervous Kamala Harris.

Mindy Taylor: Vice President Harris, your response to Trump’s comments?

Harris forces a smile, her mind racing.

Kamala Harris: Well, Mindy, let me be clear. What we’re seeing here is a fundamental threat to our democracy, our values, and the very fabric of PCW itself. Trump represents a fascist ideology that seeks to undermine everything we hold dear. And let me tell you, as someone who has been in the ring of politics and now professional wrestling, I understand the stakes. This could be the last PCW show if he wins, because – and this is important – we must consider the intersectionality of wrestling entertainment and democratic institutions in the context of a post-truth era where…

As Harris continues her meandering response, the camera slowly pans away, leaving viewers to ponder the impending clash of titans in the PCW ring.

Johnny Suave: Ladies and gentlemen… it’s time… the moment we’ve all been waiting for has arrived.  Let’s go to the ring.

MAIN EVENT-PCW CEO MATCH: Donald Trump w/J.D. Vance (American Patriots) vs. Kamala Harris w/Tim Walz (Progressive Alliance) Suddenly, the familiar brassy strains of the Imperial March fill the air, melding into a thunderous chant that shakes the very foundations of the arena.

TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!

The crowd’s fervor reaches a fever pitch as Donald Trump emerges, bathed in a sea of red light. Kid Rock’s “American Rock and Roll” blasts through the speakers, and Trump raises his arms triumphantly, soaking in the adulation.

Suave’s voice rises above the din.

Johnny Suave: There he is! The man who promises to make PCW great again!

Crowder interjects, her tone skeptical.

Colleen Crowder: Or plunge it into chaos, depending on your perspective.

Trump struts down the ramp, his signature red tie flapping as he gestures to the crowd. J.D. Vance appears at his side, pumping his fist in solidarity.

As they near the ring, the music fades, replaced by Beyoncé’s “Freedom.” The crowd’s reaction splits, boos and cheers mingling in a cacophony of political division.

Oprah Winfrey steps out on stage… her voice booms through the arena.

Oprah Winfrey: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome… KAMALA HAR-RIS!

Harris emerges with Tim Walz, her stride purposeful, her eyes locked on the ring where Trump awaits. As she rolls under the bottom rope, their gazes meet, the air between them crackling with tension.

Johnny Suave: This is it, folks. The future of PCW – and perhaps America itself – will be decided tonight in this very ring.

Crowder nods gravely.

Colleen Crowder: Two ideologies, two visions for the future, about to collide in spectacular fashion. Let’s just hope the right vision prevails tonight.

As Harris and Trump circle each other, the crowd’s chants grow louder, a nation divided echoed in the voice of the PCW faithful.

Johnny Suave: Your referee will be Davey Keels.   Hang on tight… we are in for a wild ride tonight.  Trump versus Harris.  The winner becomes the new CEO of PCW.

The bell rings, echoing through the arena as Trump and Harris lock up in the center of the ring. The crowd’s roar is deafening, a cacophony of cheers and boos battling for dominance.

Harris strikes first, her leg whipping out in a low kick that catches Trump off guard. She follows up with a swift enziguri, her foot connecting with Trump’s temple. The former president stumbles, and Harris pounces for the cover.

“One!” Davey Keels’ hand slaps the mat, but Trump kicks out with force.

Johnny Suave: Harris coming out hot! But Trump’s not going down that easy!

Trump, shaking off the cobwebs, grabs Harris and attempts to fling her into the ropes. But Harris, ever the politician, reverses the momentum. Trump, caught off-guard, grabs the ropes to steady himself.

Colleen Crowder: Slick move by Harris! She’s not letting Trump dictate the pace!  She can do this.

Trump, his face a mask of determination, trips Harris as she rebounds off the ropes. She hits the mat hard, and Trump capitalizes with a brutal basement uppercut.

Johnny Suave: Oh! Trump with that patented ‘low blow’ we’ve seen so often in his political career! .

The crowd is on its feet as Trump follows up with a sliding lariat, his arm clotheslining Harris with devastating impact. He goes for the cover, and Keels’ hand comes down again.

“One! Two!” But Harris kicks out at the last second.

Trump, frustration evident on his face, grabs Harris and bodily throws her through the ropes. The fans closest to the action scatter as Harris crashes to the floor.

Johnny Suave: Trump taking this fight outside the ring!

Colleen Crowder: Just like he takes everything outside the norms of politics!

As Trump follows Harris to the outside, she scrambles for a weapon. Her hand finds a steel chair, and she swings with all her might.

CLANG!

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

The sound reverberates through the arena as the chair connects with Trump’s head. He goes down hard, and Harris seizes control.

Johnny Suave: Harris is dismantling Trump!

For the next five minutes, Harris dominates, utilizing the chair and every dirty trick in the book. She goes for multiple covers, but Trump’s resilience shines through.

Colleen Crowder: Trump kicks out at one!

Crowder sounds almost disappointed.

Colleen Crowder: You’ve got to wonder where he’s getting this strength from!  Come on Kamala!

Harris, growing desperate, attempts to pillmanize Trump’s knee with the chair. But in a move that shocks everyone, Trump no-sells the attack, popping up as if nothing happened.

Johnny Suave: Unbelievable! Trump just shrugged off what should have been a devastating move! Is he even human?

As they make their way back to the ring, Harris tries to climb in first. But Trump, seizing the opportunity, grabs her and slams her hard to the floor.

Johnny Suave: Oh! Trump gives her a taste of her own medicine!”

Crowder winces.

Colleen Crowder: This match is far from over, Johnny.  At least, that’s the narrative we’re reporting.

The ring creaks under the weight of the combatants as Trump and Harris circle each other, a wooden table now situated ominously in the corner. Walz and Vance, like opposing cornermen in a boxing match, toss chairs into the ring, the metallic clang echoing through the arena.

Johnny Suave: Ladies and gentlemen, this is turning into a hardware store! We’ve got tables, we’ve got chairs – what’s next, a kitchen sink?

Trump lunges forward, grabbing Harris in a headlock. She counters, twisting out and shoving him towards the ropes. As Trump rebounds, Harris ducks, aiming for a backdrop. But Trump leapfrogs over her, landing with surprising agility for a man his age.

Johnny Suave: Did you see that, Colleen? Trump’s moving like a man half his age!

Colleen Crowder: Whatever John-

Colleen Crowder’s reply is cut short as a commotion erupts at ringside. Neal Conn…

Johnny Suave: Here comes Neal Conn… making foreign policy as paramount responsibility of government, seeing the need for the U.S. acting as the world’s sole superpower as indispensable to establishing and maintaining global order.  I’m supposed to say that whenever I say his name.

…and Hallie Burton…

Johnny Suave: Hallie Burton- protector of the military-industrial complex… yes… I’m supposed to say that too.

Conn and Burton along with a group of well-dressed individuals storm the ring, led by a figure that looks like Darth Vader crossed with Dick Cheney.

Johnny Suave: I wondered when they’d be making their appearance.  It’s the Never Trumper group Conservative, Inc. and is that… Darth Dick Cheney?

The group swarms the ring.  But then…

Johnny Suave: IT’S THE AMERICAN HEARTLAND COALITION!

‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay, PCW Champion Charlie Blackwell, ‘The Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, and the ‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen hop the rail and tackle Conn and Burton.

Johnny Suave: The AHC are taking care of Conservative Inc.  but the Never Trumpers are at ringside now!

Bill Kristol and Charlie Sykes pulling Trump’s legs out from under him. Jonah Goldberg and David French follow up with chair shots to Trump’s back.

Harris retreats to a corner, a smirk playing on her lips as she watches the chaos unfold.

Johnny Suave: This is a travesty! Where’s the referee? Where’s security?

As if in answer, the crowd pops when a new group charges down the ramp. Elon Musk leads the charge, followed closely by Vivek Ramaswamy and Bobby Kennedy Jr.

Johnny Suave: The anti-establishment squad is here!

Musk slides into the ring, immediately tackling David Brooks. Ramaswamy goes after Mitt Romney, while RFK Jr. grapples with George Conway.

The ring becomes a sea of flailing limbs and flying chairs. Tulsi Gabbard grabs the Washington Post’s so-called ‘conservative’ columnist Jennifer Rubin by the hair, tossing her over the top rope.

Johnny Suave: Jen Rubin… who called for newspaper writers to quit the LA Times and USA Today because they wouldn’t endorse Kamala Harris… but didn’t offer to quit the Washington Post… gets thrown out of the ring.

Trump, finally free from the pile-on, stumbles to his feet. He locks eyes with Darth Dick Cheney, who’s advancing menacingly.

Johnny Suave: Here we go. Time to drain the swamp.

Trump grabs a nearby chair.

Colleen Crowder: I’m a little conflicted on this.  Yes, Cheney throwing his support to Harris is good.  But Dick Cheney?  Ehhh…

As Cheney reaches for him, Trump swings the chair with all his might, connecting with a resounding clang that seems to shake the very foundations of the arena.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP! Down goes Cheney!

Nicole Shanahan tosses Liz Cheney through the ropes.

Johnny Suave: And there goes Liz.  Wait… there’s a commotion.  Now what?

The arena erupts as a new wave of chaos descends upon the ring. A swarm of suits and microphones floods down the ramp.

Johnny Suave: The legacy media has arrived! ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, NPR, CNN, MSNBC – they’re all here!

Colleen Crowder leans forward, her eyes gleaming.

Colleen Crowder: Finally, some real journalists to set the record straight!

The legacy media crew circles the ring like sharks, but J.D. Vance is ready. He clotheslines an MSNBC anchor over the top rope, then hip-tosses a CNN correspondent out of the ring.

Colleen becomes alarmed.

Colleen Crowder: What is he doing?

Johnny Suave: Vance is cleaning house!” Suave shouts. “These media folks are about as welcome as fact-checkers at a campaign rally!”

Vivek Ramaswamy joins the fray, suplexing a CBS reporter onto a conveniently placed table.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Suddenly, the crowd erupts and Suave’s voice reaching a fever pitch.

Johnny Suave: IT’S JOE ROGAN!”

The podcast king sprints down the ramp, leaping into the ring with the agility of a UFC fighter. Rogan immediately locks eyes with a terrified ABC anchor.

Rogan growls, before launching into a spinning back kick that sends the anchor flying through the ropes.

As Rogan, Vance, and Ramaswamy clear the ring of the last media stragglers, the crowd chants: “JOE! JOE! JOE!”

But the night is far from over. The familiar strains of “Hail to the Chief” fill the arena, and two figures appear at the top of the ramp.

Colleen Crowder: YES!  It’s Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama!

Crowder can barely containing her excitement.

Colleen Crowder: Maybe they can get Harris across the line.

As they make their way down, Tulsi Gabbard locks eyes with Hillary. Without warning, she sprints across the ring and dives through the ropes, tackling Clinton to the ground.

Johnny Suave: CAT-FIGHT… CAT-FIIIIIIGHT!

The two women roll around on the entrance ramp.

Colleen Crowder: WHAT IS SHE DOING?

Johnny Suave: Hillary Clinton once accused Tulsi an agent of Russia back in 2019 after Gabbard tore apart Kamala Harris in a debate.  She didn’t forget.

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!

Suddenly, Don Cheadle, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Evans, Robert Downey, Jr, Scarlett Johansson, and Paul Bettany… stars of the Avengers movie franchise in the Marvel Universe appear on stage.

Colleen Crowder: YES! Big Hollywood’s big stars are here tonight on Kamala Harris’s behalf and-

Johnny Suave:  WAIT!

The arena erupts in chaos as a group of bearded men in suspenders and wide-brimmed hats storm the stage.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP.

Suave’s voice cracks with disbelief.

Johnny Suave: It’s a group of angry Amish men from Pennsylvania!

Colleen Crowder: WH- WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

Johnny Suave: They’re mad because of a January federal raid on a local raw milk farm in Bird in Hand, Pa.  The Pennsylvania Department of Agriculture stormed Amos Miller’s farm Jan. 4 after reports of illnesses in children linked to raw dairy products purchased there.

As straw hats and designer sunglasses fly, Trump seizes the moment. He grabs Harris, whipping her into the ropes.

Johnny Suave: Hotshot Stunner!

Trump catches Harris on the rebound, driving her head into his shoulder.

Colleen Crowder: NOOOO!

Trump’s not done. He hoists Harris up in a fireman’s carry, circling the ring as the crowd roars as Trump brings Harris crashing down.

Johnny Suave: Side Slam by Trump and he’s in control of this match.

Davey Keels slides into position, his hand slapping the mat. “One! Two!” But Harris kicks out at the last second.

Trump climbs the turnbuckle, his tie flapping in the wind. The fans are on their feet, cell phones raised to capture the moment. Suddenly, a blur of movement catches Trump’s eye.

Colleen Crowder: It’s Joy Reid!

The MSNBC host runs in and grabs Harris, pulling her to safety.

Trump’s face contorts with frustration.

Johnny Suave: You can run, but you can’t hide from the red wave!

Colleen Crowder: Stop saying that!

Trump leaps from the turnbuckle and pursues Harris around the ring.

As Trump chases Harris back inside, Suave leans into his mic.

Johnny Suave: Folks, I’ve seen a lot in my days at PCW, but this… this is unprecedented!

Colleen Crowder: I think I’m going to be sick.

The arena plunges into darkness.

Johnny Suave: Uh oh.

A sinister cackle echoes through the speakers as lightning flashes across the jumbotron.

Johnny Suave: It’s the Supreme Dark Overlord of PCW, Joe Biden!

A hooded figure emerges from billowing smoke, dressed like the political version of Star Wars’ Emperor Palpatine.  His eyes glowing an eerie blue behind a pair of dark sunglasses beneath the cowl. As he raises his gnarled hands and removes the sunglasses, electricity crackles from his eyes.

A bolt of political force energy shoots from Biden’s eyes. Trump ducks, the electricity sizzling past his ear and hitting a hot dog vendor in the aisle behind him incinerating him instantly.

J.D. Vance scrambles, grabbing a nearby mirror and tossing it to Trump. Trump catches the mirror just as another bolt flies towards him. He angles the glass, deflecting the energy. It ricochets, striking Kamala Harris. Her pants ignite in blue flames.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Colleen Crowder: My God! Her pants are on fire!

Johnny Suave: Hmmm… I seem to remember a certain phrase that ends with ‘pants on fire.’

Colleen Crowder: That’s not funny!

Harris shrieks, desperately patting at the flames. Tim Walz rushes to her aid.

Biden’s eyes unleash a second bolt of political force energy.  Again, Vance deflects this one into the path of Tim Walz who stumbles into its path. His own trousers burst into flames.

Colleen Crowder: JOE!  STOP!

Johnny Suave: It’s pandemonium in the ring! We’ve got flaming politicians everywhere!

Trump seizes his chance. As Harris flails, trying to extinguish herself, he lunges forward. In one fluid motion, he wraps his arms around her waist and rolls her up from behind.

Referee Davey Keels drops to the mat. “One!”

The crowd roars.

“Two!”

Trump grits his teeth, using all his strength to keep Harris pinned.

“Three!”

The bell rings. Trump releases his hold, staggering to his feet as the realization hits him.

Johnny Suave: HE’S DONE IT!

On the stage, Biden’s lips curl into a satisfied smirk. His work here is finished. He turns, disappearing into the shadows as quickly as he arrived.

Kimber Marshall makes it official.

Kimber Marshall: Your winner and new CEO of PCW… DONALD TRUMP!

The arena erupts. Vance, Musk, Ramaswamy, RFK Jr., Gabbard, and Shanahan flood the ring, lifting Trump onto their shoulders in triumph.

Colleen Crowder: I can’t believe it!

Crowder gasps, her professional facade cracking.

Colleen Crowder: Harris was on fire… literally!

Johnny Suave: And she lost.

Colleen Crowder: And she lost.

Johnny Suave: Colleen, looks like Trump just fired Harris from the top job!

Colleen Crowder: Johnny-

Johnny Suave: Only in America can a former McDonald’s fry cook and garbage assistant rise up to become the CEO of PCW.

Colleen slowly turns her head towards Suave.

Colleen Crowder: Okay… stop rubbing it in.

Suave turns to his co-commentator, his voice thick with emotion.

Johnny Suave: We’ve witnessed history tonight. Donald Trump has become the first person in the PCW era to do what Grover Cleveland once did a hundred years ago- win two non-consecutive terms.  Love him or hate him, Donald Trump is once again at the helm of PCW.

Colleen Crowder: Oh God… no.

As the celebration rages, a commotion erupts at the entrance ramp. New York Governor Kathy Hochul storms out, her face as red as the seats of the American Patriot section as she shrieks into a microphone.

Kathy Hochul: Anyone who supports Donald Trump and this… this travesty is anti-American!

Suddenly, two costumed figures burst from the crowd.

Johnny Suave: Wait!  Is that… Peanut the Squirrel and Fred the Raccoon?

The anthropomorphic duo charges Hochul, executing a perfect double clothesline that sends her sprawling.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Colleen sighs.

Colleen Crowder: And now Kathy Hochul get taken out by two dead pets!

The crowd’s cheers turn to boos as Jennifer Rubin of the Washington Post rushes the stage, shoving Peanut and Fred to the floor.

Jennifer Rubin: MAGA squirrel deserved to die!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Jennifer Rubin: The media, it must be said, did not fulfill its role in educating the public and advancing truth as their primary objective. Refusal to explore Trump’s manifest defects and place him and his movement in the context of fascist strongmen and their cults had the effect of normalizing and legitimizing a candidate utterly unfit for office. But the facts nevertheless were there for anyone who cared to look. At some point, voters are responsible for their own decisions.

The crowd’s roar intensifies as Dawn McGill’s entrance music hits. The statuesque blonde strides down the ramp, her piercing blue eyes locked on Jennifer Rubin in the ring. Dawn’s tight black dress hugs her curves, leaving little to the imagination.

Dawn sneers at Rubin and snatches a microphone.

Dawn McGill: Well, well, if it isn’t the Washington Post’s resident hack. Jen Rubin, the queen of bad takes herself.

Rubin bristles, her face reddening.

Jennifer Rubin: How dare you! I’m a respected journalist-

Dawn McGill: You’re a joke.

Dawn cuts her off, climbing into the ring. She towers over Rubin, using every inch of her six-foot frame to intimidate.

Dawn McGill: A smug, stuck-up elitist who wouldn’t know real America if it bit you on your Beltway bubble ass.

The crowd erupts in cheers. Dawn basks in their energy, feeling the electricity coursing through the arena.

Jennifer Rubin: Listen here, you silicone-enhanced bimbo.

Rubin jabs a finger at Dawn’s chest.

Jennifer Rubin: I’ve forgotten more about politics than you’ll ever know!

Dawn’s eyes narrow dangerously. In one fluid motion, she grabs Rubin’s wrist and twists, eliciting a yelp of pain.

Dawn McGill: First of all, these are 100% real, honey. Second, you can take your elitist attitude and go *BLEEP* yourself with it.

The censored expletive echoes through the arena, drawing shocked gasps and raucous cheers in equal measure. Dawn releases Rubin’s wrist, shoving her back against the ropes.

Dawn McGill: You need to get out of your ivory tower and see what’s really going on in this country instead of sipping your lattes and writing hit pieces.  Rubin, red-faced and sputtering, stumbles backwards out of the ring. She trips on the bottom rope, nearly face-planting on the floor before catching herself. As she scurries up the ramp, Dawn’s laughter follows her.

Then… of course… Keith Olbermann appears, red-faced and spittle-flecked.

Keith Olbermann: Russian collusion!

Johnny Suave: Oh… no.

Keith Olbermann: It’s all Russian collusion!

Aimee Allen’s Ron Paul Anthem begins to play and the crowd pops.

Wake up! Wake up! Good morning America! Rise and Shine.

Johnny Suave: WAIT A MINUTE!  NO WAY!

Rise and Shine!

A group appears and two drummers lead the procession. Some hold up a sign with a black and white drawing on the side of Ron Paul’s face with ‘Ron Paul-Revolution’ on the bottom.

Ron Paul! Save our constitutional rights Ron Paul! We’re not gonna give up the fight

Johnny Suave: HE’S BACK!

Keith Olbermann: What the- ARRRRRGHHHH!

Olbermann gets pushed off the stage and lands on the floor.

Ron Paul! Start a revolution and break down illegal institutions

Finally Ron Paul himself appears.

Johnny Suave: RON PAUL AND HIS NEW LIBERTARIAN ARMY ARE BACK IN PCW!

Colleen sighs.

Colleen Crowder: Why not?

The parade starts down the ring towards Trump, Musk, and the others.

PCW!… PCW!… PCW!…

Johnny Suave: All right!  That’s going to do it for part one of PCW Extreme Election Night 2024!  Next week, it’s part two of Extreme Election Night 2024 with the aftermath and reaction to tonight’s show and the PCW Women’s Title, PCW Tag Team Title, the Extreme House Match, and then the PCW Title matches.  Colleen… any further comments?

Colleen Crowder: Nope.  Everything’s just peachy.

Johnny Suave: We will see you next week with part two of PCW’s Extreme Election Night 2024!

The chorus of Amy Grant’s “Turn This World Around” plays as the show ends.

“Maybe one day We can turn and face our fears Maybe one day We can reach out through the tears After all it’s really not that far To where hope can be found Maybe one day We can turn this world around...”