#butlerposting

[maxknightley]

what do you think about alfred pennyworth

I get why people like it when alfred is A Badass or whatever, but I think he's a way more interesting character when he's just some fucking guy. especially if he's some fucking guy who's like "I really don't know about this whole Batman thing Master Bruce but I guess I'll at least do my best to prevent you from getting yourself killed???"

also it's completely fucking insane to me that they made THREE SEASONS of an Alfred show. What are they fucking smoking over at Warner Bros

[butler-core]

Any butler within their right mind is to support or perhaps even engage in butler4butler or maid4maid couples.

[jouissanceangel]

"Heterosexuality is always in the process of imitating and approximating its own phantasmatic idealization of itself — and failing." - Judith Butler, "Imitation and Gender Insubordination"

[raiasintended]

ok so while I fully understand maidposting (no questions here), I’m wondering about butlerposting?

[sirbilliamthethird]

This was supposed to be about networking. We throw parties. Sir Billiam is a bit classist but it's not really that big of a deal if you're not a millionaire. It's a bit out of the way, though.

[thepoisonroom]

theater kids get so bold bc judith butler said gender is a performance. u are not judith butler tho.

[neotrances]

okay sorry i have to send this bc your butlerposting made me realize something. obviously we weren't shown like the tombstone or any mourning for the twin to preserve the reveal but do you think ppl grieved for him as much as they did the parents? or did they barely mention him, further proving to 'ciel' that the real him wouldn't have been missed? brb gonna cry about this

idk if u read the manga or not but they pretty much confirmed that no one other than tanaka new that our “ciel” is the fake :{ so really no one really cared that much bc they got the ciel they wanted back, our “ciel” is like thirty five layers deep into a delusion though so i feel likes ‘coping’ with that pretty good…in way…atleast compared to how he was before

[grimesapologist]

butlerposting hours

[maxknightley]

hey maxie why does my butler glow in the dark

Butlers are capable of converting food or fuel into ionizing radiation. Usually, they do this when there is insufficient lighting in their environment, or when the existing lighting doesn't provide a proper atmosphere. You're not using unshaded fluorescents, are you?

[maxknightley]

If I include my butler in my will, does that increase or decrease the odds that they'll murder me?

No butler worth their salt would murder their employer for monetary gain alone. As long as you don't run your finances into the ground or besmirch your good family name, this show of respect should only serve to strengthen the bond between the two of you.

Maybe keep an eye on your parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. though.

[maxknightley]

dear maxknightley, i'm 95% sure my master has a dark, twisted secret, some awful perversion that would quite ruin her if it was discovered by society at large, but she won't let me in on it!

she keeps going down to an off-limits basement behind a key combination (it's quite embarrassing that there is an area of the House unknown to me, but she told me not to look while it was being renovated, and as her Butler I assumed she would reveal it's contents once it was finished), and her clothes often have barely noticeable bloodstains when she leaves, so I know something is going on in there.... but she won't respond to any of my prodding or remarks about her activities?

and like, i would be sooooooo good at helping her with her secret! I would appear out of nowhere whenever any guests got close to the basement, with a raised eyebrow and a gently condescending "are you lost? shall I show you back to your rooms?".

And whenever anyone complained of strange noises I would be able to say; "well you know, it is an old house" with a sinister smile that suggested more, or "well, the Lady of the house does have her.... eccentricities" and then change the subject. But I don't know what to calibrate for if my master won't share her perversions with me.

how can I fix this? what can I do to gain my master's trust in this matter?

In this case, the simplest solution is the best:

If you come back from running an errand and your clothes are soaked in blood, and you explain it away as "a matter so small it does not merit her concern," she'll know that you can hang.

[maxknightley]

My Master keeps asking me to organise and prepare extravagant, romantic meals for two, and each and every time this happens her guest fails to appear. She then repeatedly asking me to sit in his place (of course I refuse, as is professional) and she eats alone, intermittently looking up as if she wants to tell me something, and leaving half the meal cold.

Which brings me to the issue at hand: our wine and catering budget is abhorrently low. I did take a peak at her incomes and they're still as high as they ever have been (I would hope that she's using her wealth for something obsessive and eccentric but appears as though she's just sitting on it all) so that isn't the issue. Fortunately it hasn't been a problem so far, as we have only been preparing these two person feasts and wine that she barely touches, but what happens when she decides to throw a banquet? Or god forbid a ball.

How can I broach this topic with her in a way that is as courteous and gentle as possible?

> half of dinner goes uneaten every night

> "why is she keeping the food budget so low?"

You're going to have to meet her halfway on this one, I'm afraid; she's never going to host a banquet if she can't even enjoy a meal for two.

Serving as her substitute suitor will surely encourage her to broaden her social net, at which point you can easily broach the subject.

[maxknightley]

ok, so, I'm renovating this mansion that I inherited right? and I'm tearing out all the old boring shit and replacing the interior with some sleek, minimalistic vibes room by room. The eventual plan is to replace the exterior as well and just only keep the foundations and structure hidden away. So far it's been going slowly because of some accidents and people getting randomly locked in rooms. But we'll get there, that isn't the main issue.

This fucking butler. She keeps coming up to me and saying shit like "such a shame about Mr. Taylor's accident, perhaps in the future he will choose work with a little more..... taste" and it's like, that guy got hospitalised man you can't be saying that.

or like, one time after one of the workmen kicked it falling into a concrete truck and asphyxiating (it happened off-site luckily), she came up to me and dropped a comment like "I must to say this facade you've chosen is positively choking" and it's just like, is she trying to be disrespectful? What are we doing here?

She was looking at me with these really wide, bloodshot eyes as well. I can't prove anything but I think she might have been high? It might also explain why I keep finding her walking around the house at night gripping a butcher knife really tightly. She's such a fucking creep.

Anyway since you're apparently the expert on butlers how do I fix this? Like I've got to fire her right, but she's the only one with all the keys (plus her contract is this ancient thing written on fucking papyrus or some shit) so how do I do this with minimal hassle? Can I get her to quit?

Clearly she has a problem with the workmen you hired - I'd advise you to dismiss them at once, even if you have to pay an early termination fee.

With that out of the way, you'll be able to renovate the building with your own two hands; it will be more difficult, but it will also be more satisfying, especially since you can directly exercise your creativity!

Also, make sure to sleep in the master bedroom with the doors and windows unlocked. For good luck.

[maxknightley]

My Butler makes a horrible sommelier. My wine cellar is in shambles, and I fear a drop in attendance at my bi-weekly tastings. How do I train her to have a properly refined palate?

typically, situations like this are an issue of motivation. I recommend sitting down with her and reminding her that, if she develops her palate, it will give her more opportunities to feel smugly superior to people who drink swill.

if that fails, you could always try locking her in her quarters with nothing to eat or drink but fresh grapes and well-aged cabernet sauvignon! after about a week, she'll develop strong and informed opinions on the subject whether she wants to or not.

[maxknightley]

Every now and then, on slow days, I've been inviting my butler to a game of chess as a bonding activity. It's mostly gone well — except that she keeps losing on purpose. She's subtle about it, but sometimes I can tell she found some clever move that I didn't notice until just then, only to opt for something more mundane instead. I assume she's trying to preserve my dignity by not outdoing her boss or something, but I'd really much rather have a fair, full-on contest. I get the feeling that approaching the topic directly would be a bad idea, though. How can I convince her to give her all against me?

The best option here is to pretend that you haven't noticed and start talking to all your friends about your exceptional skill at the game.

With any luck, this should force her to act immediately in order to ensure that you don't sabotage your own social standing. In the worst case scenario, she'll hold her tongue, but someone will inevitably call your bluff. Either you win in an upset, making you look smart (if boastful), or you lose - badly - making you look like a bit of a blowhard but putting her in a position where she has no choice but to come clean. She is - in a word - forked.

(You could also tell her that you'd like to switch things up by playing losing chess; she might then be inclined to throw the game by playing as if it were a normal chess game, allowing you to get an honest match. This would only work on a fairly dim butler, though; most would be able to see through such obvious reverse psychology.)

[maxknightley]

you believe that recreational activities exist for butlers?

Good lord no. Any butler worth her salt should be able to ensure that her job is more entertaining than any form of recreation would be.