#but. i like breaking rules :> also because platonic heartbreak is so real

[pathological-runaway]

“Tell me, Nesting Guide,” the mothling says, rocking back and forth on a chair that is standing a little too close to the counter, “Who’s that in the painting that you keep staring at when you think you’re alone?” Nesting Guide turns to look at the picture hanging above their working table. Their gaze lingers on it for some time, and they let out a quiet sigh. The carpenter isn’t even sure if it still makes sense to have the painting here in the workshop, after all this time, but they think they’ll never bring themself to take it away. For some reason, be it sentimentality or something else, they can’t.

you can find the fic here on ao3 or below the cut

“Tell me, Nesting Guide,” the mothling says, rocking back and forth on a chair that is standing a little too close to the counter.

The carpenter waits for the continuation and, when it becomes evident none is coming, puts down their tools.

“What is it?” they ask, throwing a quick glance at the child. One simply can’t leave them unsupervised for more than a couple of seconds: they’ll surely grab something that shouldn’t be grabbed or eat something that shouldn’t be eaten. Kids are tricky, and Nesting Guide isn’t sure they like them at all.

Normally, they would be against any child being so close to them while they’re working. Unfortunately, this child in particular saved them from their imprisonment inside a stone husk, and they kind of owe them for this little favour.

“Weeeell…” the kid twirls their hair and smiles in a way that makes the carpenter suspect they’re plotting something, “Who’s that in the painting that you keep staring at when you think you’re alone?”

Nesting Guide turns to look at the picture hanging above their working table. Their gaze lingers on it for some time, and they let out a quiet sigh. The carpenter isn’t even sure if it still makes sense to have the painting here in the workshop, after all this time, but they think they’ll never bring themself to take it away. For some reason, be it sentimentality or something else, they can’t.

But their thoughts are going off a tangent. Time to come back to reality.

“Don’t you mess with me, kid,” the carpenter replies sternly, “you know perfectly well who that is. What are you plotting?”

“I’m not plotting anything!” they say with fake outrage, yet the spark in their eyes proves that they are, indeed, up to no good.

So young and already so dramatic. Must be Nesting Guide’s neighbours’ fault.

Valleyers, they think, slightly annoyed and not endeared at all.

“Put the chair back,” the carpenter instructs, “if it moves one more inch towards me, you’re banned from the workshop for a week. And you can’t bribe others into getting stuff for you. Or complain to Steward. You heard me.”

The Moth grunts as they move the chair. Nesting Guide does not find this little sound adorable. Tries not to.

When the chair is finally at a reasonable distance from the tools that could harm the child and the sketches that could be harmed by them, the mothling stares offendedly anywhere but at their interlocutor.

“You’re being rude!” they announce.

Nesting Guide chuckles and returns to their work — fixing the clock that doesn’t want to be fixed for some reason.

In the few weeks they’ve been around after being kindly brought back to life, or rather to existence, they’ve come to understand this little kid as well as many others. Most of them, including this one in particular, don’t really like sitting in silence with nothing to do. They may pretend to be annoyed, but they end up cracking in a minute or two.

It doesn’t take long for the Moth to drop the act and blurt out their plans.

“Fine, I know that’s the Forest Elder. But,” they add, leaning towards the counter again, which Nesting Guide doesn’t even need to see in order to know (most children have this annoying habit of crossing the only boundary existing in this workshop), “I don’t know why they’re here. Did you two know each other?”

The carpenter pretends they didn’t hear, but the cracking sound behind them suggests the mothling is trying to get behind the counter.

“This is no place for a child!” Nesting Guide admonishes and takes the intruder by the scruff of their neck.

Put on the carpet in the middle of the workshop, the kid pouts.

“That’s not nice! I don’t want to talk to you anymore!”

And after this, they walk out.

Nesting Guide sighs and gets back to work, which ends up being more challenging than they’d like it to be, their thoughts wandering and distracting them from the malfunctioning clock.

***

The mothling comes back the very same evening, and the carpenter isn’t surprised when they do.

They haven’t made many advancements with the clock and haven’t eaten since this morning, and little does the return of the young meddler help with improving their mood.

“Flight Guide told me,” their guest announces, moving the chair from the corner towards the counter, “they were nice and told me.”

“Congratulations,” the carpenter mutters.

The room is silent for some time, the only sound being the quiet singing of birds outside. It’s a lovely sunset, and one can’t blame them for enjoying it.

The kid hums some sort of melody as if copying them.

“Flight told me you used to be the Forest Elder’s apprentice. Flight’s actually a lot better than you,” they point out, “they answer my questions, offer me sweets and let me sit close to them.”

“That’s because they don’t work with hammers, dumbo.”

“And they don’t call me dumbo.”

“Well, it’s not my fault you’re one.”

“Wow, didn’t know you’re so great with kids,” a new voice appears as Rhythm Guide enters the workshop and looks around, a sly smile on their face.

And the carpenter thought the day couldn’t get any worse.

“Urgh. Moth, make them go away.”

“Excuse me? I wanted to see how my clock’s doing! You’ve had it for ages!”

“Your clock’s doing well,” Nesting Guide replies reluctantly, “now go away before I smash it.”

“C’mon, you can’t still be mad at me for the curtain! It was an accident!”

Nesting Guide stops and puts away the gear wheel they have been tinkering with to glare at the newcomer.

“Thanks for reminding me about the curtain — now I am mad at you! Go. I’ll send someone with the clock when I’m finished. Go.”

Rhythm Guide mutters something about foresters being a pain in the ass and leaves. Nesting Guide curses in forester and calls their neighbour a ruffled penguin. For some reason, the insult doesn’t have the rewarding effect it’s supposed to.

They adjust their glasses and return to the damn clock.

“Anyways,” the Moth continues as if nothing had happened, “since you two were pretty close and you keep going to the Garden to pick up sticks and stuff, wouldn’t it be cool if you met and rekindled your friendship? I could help.”

The carpenter puts their screwdriver down with a loud thump and straightens their back.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to.”

“But-”

“I said no.”

“But-”

“And we weren’t friends. Stop calling every relationship friendship.”

“Bu-“

“Leave. The conversation’s over.”

The workshop is silent for a minute or so, and then there is a screeching noise and annoyed muttering as the child moves their chair and begrudgingly leaves the shop.

The carpenter can’t focus on the clock again and goes to bed instead.

***

“Nesting Guide!”

They almost choke on their drink.

“Nesting Guide!”

“What?” the carpenter asks sternly as they put their mug on the table. The reason why they went to the café so early was precisely because they didn’t want anyone screaming while they’re having breakfast.

Turns out they miscalculated.

“Just wanted to say hi! Long time no see!”

“’s only been a couple days,” the carpenter says.

“It felt like forever! I missed you!”

Nesting Guide smirks and sips their coffee.

“Oh really? I barely noticed your absence.”

The kid gasps in shock, and the carpenter laughs at their ridiculous face.

“They’re laughing at me! I said I missed them and they’re laughing at me!” they complain to Tea-Brewer.

“Don’t take them too seriously, sweetie. They’re just joking.”

“Their jokes are rude!”

Tiptoeing Tea-Brewer looks at the carpenter and raises an eyebrow. Nesting Guide does the same at them before getting up and bringing the now-empty mug to the bar.

“You should be nicer to kids. This one’s not the first to complain,” Tea-Brewer notes with a frown.

“They just don’t get jokes.”

“And this is exactly why you should be nicer to them, sweetie.”

The carpenter considers their words for a while before answering.

“Don’t you sweetie me. I’m older than you.”

“Oh really? Haven’t noticed.”

The mothling snorts, and Nesting Guide gives them a glare.

“You think you’re so smart?”

“No. But I think you’re silly.”

The carpenter finds the kid both utterly ridiculous and awfully cute and has to turn away to hide their smile.

Tea-Brewer notices and smirks before turning away and walking to the oven.

“My friends took me to meet up with Tinkering Chimesmith,” the mothling says out of the blue, “they told us a lot of fun stuff and even let us sit close and watch them work. And they work with hammers, too.”

Nesting Guide hears the unsaid question and avoids the kid’s eyes.

“Why don’t you-“

“Because I like it when everything’s organised and quiet and you lot jump and fly around and make noise,” they reply hastily without letting the Moth finish.

The child eyes them with interest.

“I won’t make any noise.”

***

That was a lie. That was an absolute lie.

While the kid did spend a whole thirty minutes not saying a word, they kept making the chair they were sitting on screech and crack, and their clothes were rustling all the time as they changed their position on the chair every two or three minutes.

Nesting Guide puts down their hammer and takes a deep breath in order to calm down at least a little.

“Okay, kid, that’s it. Time’s up.”

“What?” the Moth sounds incredulous, “You didn’t say anything about time!”

“I didn’t, but the condition was that you keep silent. And all you do is moving around, which is annoying and distracting.”

They regret turning to see the child immediately: the mothling looks heartbroken.

“But I-”

“Yes, you tried. I know. I also tried, and both of us failed.”

The carpenter’s words come out harsher than intended, but they don’t really feel like sugarcoating it.

The child looks down at the counter, drawing invisible circles with their fingers on its surface.

“I’m sorry, Nesting Guide. Do you want me to leave?”

The carpenter hears someone chatting excitedly outside and knows that most people are already up, and customers are likely to start coming soon. And customers mean more curious children who shout and accidentally make things fall. This thought alone makes the carpenter shiver.

“I guess so.”

But, before their guest is gone, they get an idea.

“And tell Rhythm the clock will have to wait! A bunch of mothlings want new beds, and Enchantment Guide says they’re out of free shelves in their shop.”

Seeing the kid light up stirs something in them that they weren’t sure was even there. They don't know if it’s a good thing or not.

***

“Do you really not want to pay Teth a visit? We’re right next to the Temple.”

The Moth tagged along to the Forest Garden with them. They’re out of materials, now that a lot of kids decided to renovate their nests with brand-new furniture. The shelves for the Enchantment shop took a lot of wood, too, and they barely have anything left for the upcoming projects.

“I told you. I don’t want to see them.”

The kid doesn’t say anything in response, picking up sticks from the ground silently. Nesting Guide would never have thought that they would have literal children help them with this task, but it turns out that they’re actually quite good at it. Physical activities, the carpenter noticed, are a great solution to keep kids busy.

When half of your clients are so young, it’s not the sort of thing you’d neglect.

“Why though? I like visiting my friends. We have fun and they help me with Wasteland or Eden. That’s what friends are for.”

Nesting Guide rolls their eyes. Here they are with their friendship again.

“Me and Te- the Forest Elder aren’t friends, kid. Never were. I mean, we did have a nice mentor-mentee relationship, but that’s all,” they explain, “I have no reason to go to see them. It’d be weird.”

The mothling comes up to them and places their sticks near the pile that Nesting Guide has collected. Their own may not be as big or as useful for bigger projects, but it’s still a valuable contribution.

“I don’t understand why it’d be weird,” the child admits rather shyly.

“Well, I’ve never seen any of the Elder’s previous apprentices show up. Didn’t hear much about them either,” they shrug.

For the Moth, it seems to be a revelation.

“There were others?!”

The carpenter picks up a thin branch and examines it. Having found it unsuitable, they throw it away.

“Of course there were. Teth’s an Elder, they’ve been around for ages,” they look wistfully at the Temple walls, “wasn’t the first one, wasn’t the last one. Funny.”

“What? What’s funny?”

They don’t really know it themself.

“Do you ever happen to feel like you’re very small in a very big world?”

The kid looks up at the tops of majestic ancient trees disappearing in the thick clouds above and contemplates them for a short while.

“All the time.”

***

“I told you that I- What’s that face for?” Nesting Guide asks and frowns.

Their guest sits down and puts their arms on the counter, resting their head on them. They move slowly and look either tired or bored. Maybe both.

“I don’t know what to do,” they mumble without lifting their head.

Nesting Guide throws a glance at the sketches that are now trapped under the mothling’s elbows and thinks about reprimanding the kid for disregarding their instructions. Yet, it doesn’t seem fair.

“How come? The weather’s nice. Go wherever you want and do whatever you wish. Budge up a little though, I need those.”

The child lifts their arms, letting the carpenter collect all the papers, which they don’t really need at the moment but don’t want to leave next to the kid, and put them on a shelf above their desk.

“I wanted to go to the Forgotten Ark and do some stuff there,” the mothling says unenthusiastically, “and then I wanted to get black die for my shirt.”

“And?”

The kid sighs and puts their head on the counter again. Nesting Guide wishes they didn’t, wishes they stopped bothering them and went away, but this one’s quite stubborn. More stubborn than others.

No threats are enough to pry them away from here.

“My friends changed plans. They’re helping some Moths instead.”

The carpenter hums as they put a stool and a box of nails on the desk. Repairing a broken stool leg isn’t something that requires that much concentration compared to most other things they’ve been doing lately, so they’re not against some chit-chat while they’re at it, especially since the kid seems not to be in the best mood.

“Those Moths probably really need help, then.”

The child whines.

“I need help, too!”

Nesting Guide chuckles. So dramatic. They wonder how they even stand having them around.

“Well, not as much as them, probably. You’ve already got ten stars. You’re practically an expert now.”

“I’m not!” the kid protests, but their interlocutor manages to hear that the compliment pleases them.

“I’m being serious, by the way. If you really want to, you can always go by yourself. Maybe you’ll find someone there or manage to do it alone.”

“But what if I don’t? It’s dangerous and scary out there…”

Nesting Guide writes down the measurements and begins looking for a suitable piece of wood. The broken clock sitting on the shelf nearby catches their attention, but they don’t really have time for it now, so they look away. Their eyes settle on the painting: their own faceless silhouette, the Elder standing by their side. The trees look a lot younger and thinner in the picture than they do in real life, especially now, after all the years that have passed.

“Well… No one stops you from trying anyway.”

The child doesn’t say anything, but when the carpenter turns around, they see the visitor’s eyes studying the painting, too.

“Your hair looks longer here,” the kid comments.

“Decided to cut it later on,” Nesting Guide explains, going back to the stool, “I thought it’d suit me.”

“It does.”

A pause.

“Do you think I should cut mine?”

The carpenter smiles at the spontaneity of the decision. It reminds them of themself, in a way.

“If you want to,” they say, “and if you do, tell Rhythm I’ll go back to the clock next month. Steward says the Concert Hall needs a renovation. The tables there are falling apart.”

***

“I helped out a mothling! Can you believe it?” the kid shouts as they jump excitedly.

“Huh, good for you,” Nesting Guide replies and yawns. It’s been a long day — a long few days, even. Or weeks. Or months.

It’s a very long life.

“They were kinda lost in that tube thingy — I’ve told you about it — there are krills everywhere and it’s hard to understand where to go — anyways, I took them by the hand and guided them! Didn’t even get attacked!” they are pacing and flapping hands, and Nesting Guide wonders how they still have so much energy, “they ran off somewhere after the Point of No Return, but we met again in Orbit! They said they hated Eden, but I explained them stuff and I’m planning to take them to Valley and introduce them to Dreams’ child! I’m so excited!”

The carpenter ruffles their hair on their way to the exit. The child may have just got a boost of energy from having their body’s age reset to zero, but Nesting Guide didn’t, and they really need to eat something.

“Where are you going?” the kid asks.

“The café. I’m starving.”

“Can I go with you? Or are you the leave-me-alone kind of starving?”

Nesting Guide shrugs.

“Nah. Come along.”

Tea-Brewer makes a funny face upon seeing the two enter exactly at the moment when they were going to close the café but still gives them a piece of pie and some tea.

“Oh, long time no see!” Tea-Brewer says excitedly despite being visibly tired, too, “Is that a new cape?”

Nesting Guide feels a ping of shame for not noticing the change. But to be fair, they’ve spent so long working today that they probably wouldn’t even notice if someone painted their workshop a different colour.

“Yes!” the child beams, “I decided to try something new in this life. I’ve actually never worn pink before! Do you like it?”

“It’s really lovely, sweetie!”

The kid swings their feet happily as they eat their bun.

The carpenter’s mind starts to clear up a little after getting some food, and new questions start popping up in their head.

“I thought Eden was planned for tomorrow? Or have I lost track of time?”

“Well, it was originally planned for tomorrow, but then a friend of mine said they couldn’t go fishing, and Angler decided to postpone it, so I kinda had nothing left to do today. I thought of going to Sanctuary and helping clean up the darkness, but it’s been really busy there for the last couple of days. I needed to clear up my mind a little, and Eden’s perfect for that.”

Nesting Guide feels like, no matter how much time they spend with this kid, they’ll never understand children of the light at all. How could you ever understand someone who treats a gruesome death like meditation?

But maybe they don’t really need to understand them. They don’t understand Flight’s love for sports or Enchantment’s fear of jellyfish, but it’s never stopped them from enjoying their company, after all.

Eden seems more complex than sports and jellyfish, but perhaps its mundaneness in sky kids’ lives is one more thing Nesting Guide will never get.

“And what of your other friends? You told me last week you wanted to meet up with them again to celebrate your friendship anniversary.”

The child’s excitement suddenly fades away. They look at the window, eyes unfocused and dull.

The silence in the empty room is uncomfortable. Tense. Crushing.

Nesting Guide puts their cup on the table and leans slightly towards the kid.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes,” they reply, still not looking, “no. I’ll tell you later.”

***

“There was no anniversary. They’d decided to join the stars,” they explain on a quiet afternoon, sitting on a chair too close to the counter while snow is falling outside and the carpenter is reassembling the clock.

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Nesting Guide says as they look at the kid with round eyes.

“No, it’s alright. I’m sure they’re happy there.”

Nesting Guide doesn’t really know how to comfort a crying child, so they give them some hot cocoa and a warm blanket and tell the most ridiculous stories from their youth that they can think of.

***

“I think I’ll just ask you to make me a new one, at this rate,” Rhythm Guide says jokingly, “I’d almost forgotten what it even looks like.”

The carpenter cocks an eyebrow in an attempt to convey the wide range of emotions they’re feeling now.

“Did you wait for Days of Love just to tell me this?”

“Mate, I can’t know if it’s Days of Love or not. I have no clock to check the bloody time.”

“I told you to trust the process!” Nesting Guide tries their best not to start criticising the awful joke.

“It’s been months! Almost a year! Why is it my clock that has to wait and not all other stuff?”

“Probably because your clock’s pretty weird. And all of your neighbours have clocks for you to look at whenever you want,” the child points out.

“I can’t believe you’re on their side! What happened to you?”

“Your clock will be ready by the end of next week, I swear. Now leave us alone. If you keep distracting us, the kid will cut off their finger or something.”

Rhythm rolls their eyes but leaves, leaving the two sitting in silence for a while.

“So, what do I do with this part?”

“Well, firstly you don’t touch anything and just look. Then you answer my questions and if you make a mistake, I’m never letting you go behind the counter again. Capiche?”

The child scrunches their face in thought. A moment later, a mischievous smile appears on their lips.

“Deal.”

***

“Tell me, Nesting Guide,” the child starts, looking at the draft in their hand.

“What?”

“Do you still miss them? Because I catch you looking at the painting sometimes. And you look sad.”

The carpenter doesn’t reply for a minute or so, and the kid waits patiently for them to speak up.

“Just nostalgic, I s’pose.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Nesting Guide continues tinkering with the tile on the wall. There is something in it that is bothering them, but they can’t quite put their finger on what exactly is wrong.

“Can I ask you one more question?” the child looks up at them with curiosity.

“Fine, ask away.”

“Are you avoiding the clock on purpose?”

***

“I met my old guide this morning,” their apprentice announces, “they didn’t recognise me at first, but then they were happy that I was doing well.”

“That’s lovely,” Nesting Guide replies without looking up.

They don’t really need to to know that the kid is watching them work, noting the movement of their hands and the position of their fingers. They’ve been doing it a lot lately, and the carpenter is glad they’re taking their time to observe and learn. Nesting Guide was afraid, at the very beginning, that the child would give up or burn out soon after starting.

But they didn’t.

“The funny thing is,” the child continues, “I wasn’t that happy to see them. I mean, it did feel good at the very beginning. But then we just… had nothing to talk about. And went our separate ways. Is it strange?”

“Nah, that’s normal. Means you’ve both changed.”

Their apprentice doesn’t say much after that, sitting in silence instead.

When the carpenter is almost done, the child does ask them one more question.

“I’ve seen so many people come and go ever since I fell here. How can I make sure that those I care about don’t leave?”

Nesting Guide’s lungs refuse to work for a solid moment, and the weight in their chest suddenly makes it hard to speak.

“That’s the thing. You can’t.”

The kid hums in response.

“That’s good to know. I thought I was doing something wrong.”

“You weren’t. ‘s just how life works.”

“Life sounds really silly,” they reply, pensive.

Nesting Guide chuckles.

“Mate, you haven’t seen anything yet.”

***

“I can’t believe you really did it. I’d forgotten I had a clock.”

“Just shut up and take it. Didn’t come here to hear your soliloquies.”

***

The child is away guiding a few mothlings through Eden, and Nesting Guide has to go to the Forest Garden alone.

As they gather their things and get ready to leave, they catch a glimpse of a tall figure standing at the Temple gate, too light to blend in with the wall, too dark to really stand out.

They bow almost instinctively, and the figure nods at them.

Back in their workshop, they stare at the painting for a long while before finally deciding to take it down.

***

After a month of two, they still glance up at the empty space from time to time.

***

After a year, they get a new one.

***

And after a decade, there is a mothling rocking back and forth on a chair too close to the counter.

[bite-the-bloody-hand]

6 SONG PLAYLIST (PART 4 - CLASSIC ROCK)

Rules: If you're tagged, make a new post with links to music and/or lyrics describing the following: 1. An event that defines your character's past 2. How your character sees themselves 3. How others view them 4. Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic) 5. A major fight scene 6. End Credits song

Friends of course my elderly gay ass was going to put together a classic rock list, what were you expecting? It's like a... Fantasy jukebox rock opera that exists in my head. Ideally animated by Ralph Bakshi with an unlimited budget. R rating. Gay as hell. Bizarre and unsettling rotoscope effects. Envision it with me.

Spotify || Youtube Music || Part 1 - Disco || Part 2 - Post-Punk Gothrock || Part 3 - Bluegrass ||

1 SIOUXIE - Into A Swan*

I feel a force I've never felt before I can't hold it down I've just got to soar And laugh in the face that is vulture law I burst out, I'm transformed I burst right out into a swan

The mysterious but intoxicating euphoria of becoming an Azata is this song; for Zell it's the heady rush of power and the boundless excitement of being finally truly alive.** Very much a top ten life experience for him, even considering how it came to him.

2 DIO - Rainbow in the Dark

There's no sign of the morning coming You've been left on your own

However that incredible transformation doesn't quite fix the lingering doubts and pain from living a life where he's so frequently set up to fail. His success comes with glory, sure, but it was hard won; made so much harder by the forces of 'light' rarely coming to his aid - and even then not without consequence.

3 JUDAS PRIEST - Jawbreaker

Crouching in the corner Wound up as a spring Piercing eyes that flash are shimmering

Even so 99% of the time people are just seeing him kick so much ass. He punches like getting hit by a high-speed bowling ball; when he isn't knocking heads, he has a glaive that he is extremely unafraid to use. He is always ready for a fight, even if he isn't actively spoiling for one. His most public persona is also the most intimidating one.

What I'm saying is that other people see Zell as a severely pissed off little man who's just barely holding it in, and they're right.

4 MEATLOAF - A Kiss is a Terrible Thing to Waste

There's a feast waiting for you And you've never even gotten a taste It's later than you think and A kiss is a terrible thing to waste

The heartbreak anthem. I like to think of this as the backdrop to an ultimately tragically unsuccessful bid for someone's heart.*** All he wants is someone who won't wait to go with him. A partner, a lover, who isn't tied to any one thing that would keep them from exploring freedom together. Perhaps someday.

5 RUSH - YYZ [Instrumental]

The amount of times Neil Peart hits the drums in this song is the number of times Zell punches someone in Alushinnyra.

6 PAT BENETAR - Hell Is For Children [CW: This song is about child abuse.]****

Hell, hell is for children And you shouldn't have to pay for your love With your bones and your flesh No, hell is for children

This track defines a lot of Zell's feelings towards the world at large, but what causes the continuing strife in Mendev in particular (to say nothing of his own upbringing.) So few people recognize how cycles of violence perpetuated by regular ass people are what allows those demons to exist in the first place. His heart breaks because the cycle won't.

*This list's outsider track. I don't feel like I'm being too controversial by saying Siouxie isn't known primarily as a rock artist, am I?

**The way it's described in-game it seems to me that becoming an Azata is a full physical transformation, and I like to headcanon it that way anyhow because Zell deserves to sometimes have nice things. Like a fully living body that doesn't hurt all the time.

***And that someone is Tristian Kingmaker because I like to make myself and my beloved and my favorite OC suffer for the art. :) The real tragedy is that Zell would have given up the road for Tristian, but ultimately Tristian would still end up leaving for Reasons.

****100% a reference to Ralph Bakshi's American Pop but also very thematically appropriate. He spent his teenage years as an unwilling Hellknight recruit, so as you can imagine. It wasn't great, but it was certainly formative.

[jjungkookislife]

Quarterly Fic Recs 2021 #2

Hello! I’m back with another rec list! Here are fics I’ve read, loved and thoroughly enjoyed in the second quarter of 2021! They are all very wonderful fics! Each story has its own genre, warnings (and are mostly 18+), so please take that into consideration before reading. If any authors would like me to untag them, please let me know. Enjoy!

Yoongi

before i leave you @hollyhomburg

summary: Yoongi Disappears- leaving behind a shattered pack. 8 months later, Jimin finds Yoongi in an H-mart of all places.

Hoseok

heart-on @junghelioseok

summary: my boss is always telling me how perfect her son would be for me and she promises he’s coming to the next holiday party and don’t worry he’s heard all about me too and ALSO there’s this dude i slept with once a couple of months ago and sometimes he still sends me dick pics when i ask him to at 3 in the morning cause seriously dude’s got a good dick

Jungkook

charmolypi @njssi

summary: Work and pleasure should never be combined — or so the saying goes. But you were never really one to follow the rules in their entirety and neither were the ones around you. Love, lust, interest. Five people. In the workplace. What could go wrong? Everyone just wants to get something, after all.

when you least expect it @johobi

summary: You’re in love with your childhood friend, Taehyung. The problem is, you treasure your friendship with him far too much to ever risk losing it. Oh, and he’s quite the Casanova. At your wits’ end with feelings you can no longer hide as diligently as you once did, you ask him to set you up with someone, anyone, in a last ditch attempt to avoid a heartbreaking conversation.

wherever there is you @jeonstudios

summary: you’ve been drinking, haven’t you?

instant gratification @dovechim

fuckboi@jungkook x cheerleader!reader

haze @yyooni

summary: So you’ve fucked the biggest fuck boy on campus. It’s a one and done. One night stand. A wham bam thank you ma’am. So why does it happen again?

OT7/Multiple Members

because i’m yours @minniepetals

summary: you should have known they’d never let you go after gathering the courage to ask for a kiss

blazed @ironicarmy

summary: Your friends try to cheer you up during Christmastime, but things go south once Hoseok appears with a mysterious brown bag.

Seokjin

one step @cutechim

summary:  attending an ex’s wedding is never easy, but you might just have the perfect remedy—if you can pluck up the courage to take it.

platonic @joheunsaram

summary: Finding a new method for stress relief, you rope in your bestfriend/fwb to try it out with you.

show me yours and i’ll show you mine @ktheist

summary: you’re a horny bunny yet kim seokjin always seems to manage to slide out of your grasps like a fox every time.

Yoongi

before i leave you pt. 7 @/hollyhomburg

summary: Pack omega kim Seokjin knows how to handle things when they go south (or alternatively you get triggered, Yoongi has a panic attack, and it’s a good thing the pack is there to help)

Hoseok

risky business @yoonjinkooked

summary: The person who invented smart glass office walls knew what they were doing. Your secretary fucks you stupid in the office.

snapshot @xjoonchildx

summary: after a day at the beach, hoseok has some surprises in store for his longtime love

keep me warm @ppersonna

summary: camping is always a great time when you’re with your friends, but even better with your boyfriend, hoseok.

it’s you @jinpanman

summary: An accidental confession throws your years-long friendship with Hoseok into disarray.

Namjoon

love bytes @stutterfly

summary: It’s been a year since you first met Kim Namjoon, the passionate, talented English professor at the local campus. He’s always been clumsy and aloof, but he’s on a whole new level in terms of “technologically incapable.” One call to IT was all it took to pull you into his life, and with it a whole string of friendships full of flirtatious banter and undying support.

Your dating situation has been drier than the Sahara for years now, and you’ve wasted too many lonely nights drinking alone, so you try your hand at Tinder. But you’re not getting any bites. When the group finds out, they are more than willing to help–even Namjoon, though he finds it increasingly difficult to deny that he’s hopelessly smitten. You consider their opinions on potential Tinder dates while fighting off feelings you never knew were brewing for the caring soul who becomes the home you never had.

out of my league @/ppersona

summary: Kim Namjoon was never supposed to find out about your years-long hopeless crush on him. And he most definitely was not supposed to find out about it in front of all your coworkers in a company-wide meeting.

so this is love @jinpanman

summary: “So this is the miracle that I’ve been dreaming of. So this is love.”

problem solved @sugasbabiie

summary: Namjoon helps you with more than math problems tonight.

love is @hxseok-honee

summary: they say that love is supposed to transcend time and space and that it knows no limits. but putting an ocean and thousands of miles between two people won’t make things any easier, will it? 

Jimin

potent pink @dntaewithluv

summary: The first time you see Park Jimin you’re instantly entranced by him. And it turns out he lives in the apartment next to the one you’re moving into, so even better he’s your hot neighbor. When the previous tenant confesses to you that he was the best hook up she ever had, you’re that much more intrigued. The first time you meet him, however, you’re deciding immediately that you hate him and want to stay as far away from him as possible. Jimin is determined to be a constant in your life though, and he definitely is that. Both a constant flirt and a constant pain in your ass. Is a ruined second impression enough to prevent you from ever giving him a second chance?

Taehyung

hush, yeah? @kithtaehyung

summary: the innocent accident that started it all

unfinished business @/dntaewithluv

summary: Besides wanting to catch up with some old friends, there’s only one reason you found yourself agreeing to attend your 10 year high school reunion. The boy you were in love with back then is going to be there, and you’re determined to finally make your move. Except, unfortunately, it turns out that Kim Seokjin is very much happily married. Kim Taehyung, however, is very much single and feels like he has something to prove to you after you turned him down all those years ago. One night is all it takes to make you realize you made the biggest mistake of your life.

under the covers @jessikahathaway

spy!au

darling @bloomsuga

summary: “go to sleep, darling.”

as endless as the stars ^

summary: he waited 160 years to meet you again, and now that he has, he’s not letting go. or: “i love you as deep as the ocean and as endless as the stars”

dirty dishes @jaysdimples

summary: when your boyfriend can’t seem to keep his hands to himself so he stirs up a little trouble in the kitchen while everyone else is a few feet away in the next room

devotion @/sweetbunnykook

summary: You and Taehyung were inseparable once. When you come back to your hometown after three years, fate pulls you back to him. And this time, Taehyung won’t ever keep his eyes off of you.

Jungkook

commercial break; twelve @1kook

summary: Anyway, if it was up to Jungkook, Kim Doyeon would not be a member of the Engagement Ring Committee.

tease @adonis-koo

summary:You came with the intentions of your best friend landing a job as a stripper. You never meant to catch the eyes of the king stripper of the establishment- Jeon Jungkook, yourself. With what was supposed to be a harmless way of paying off college debt faster you find yourself falling into a very odd and passionate relationship with your new mentor. Between infidelity, passion and jealousy there’s never a dull moment at Cherry Bomb.

jock!jk @angelguk

summary: going raw with jock jk

evolution of a lover’s heart @jeonstudios

summary: the rules are simple: first one to take the virginity wins.

euphoria @btssavedmylifeblr

summary: At the end of your life, you are given one day to live again with the man you loved. A lifetime’s love story told in a single day.

idealizations concerning real life relations @venusiangguk

summary: jungkook loves to be loved, but he doesn’t love in return.

relax @itsbuffsanta

summary: jk is antsy after the concert, so you help him relax.

employee of the month @/dntaewithluv

summary: Sometimes it truly amazes you how much of an idiot your boyfriend can be. But you also find it impossible to say no to him. Even when it involves letting him fuck you at his work on the same day that he gets awarded employee of the month…

ego 08 @suga-kookiemonster

summary: what’s a girl to do when her sweet, innocent baby lab partner isn’t quite so sweet and innocent? well, he’s a grown-ass man, and you’re about to learn that the hard way.

only you 10 @sweetbunnykook 

summary: Jeon Jungkook, your wedding photographer, helps you escape on your big day upon learning about a secret your groom-to-be kept hidden. You soon fall for this young, passionate photographer. However, you underestimated just how much he was willing to reciprocate that love. Maybe, you think, he’s loving you just a little too much.  

lunchbox lovers @jiminrings

stem major!koo x cold senior!y/n

crunchyroll & rail @/1kook

summary: Never mind the fact you really like Sailor Moon, or that you really want to pay attention to every little detail; the moment becomes Jungkook and his big smile and his red cheeks and the tiny box he produces from within his pocket.

only for you @jikookiekosmos

summary: It’s the night before your wedding and you should be happy…but a fight with your fiancé leaves you second guessing everything. A visit from the blue-haired boy of your dreams is just what you need to make it right.

lillies @dewykth

summary: “… white lines, pretty baby, tattoos, don’t know what they mean, they’re special just for you…”

bluekooberry @kimtaehyunq

summary: Your adoring boyfriend, Jungkook, surprises you with a brand new hairstyle before your trip to visit him for the weekend. He’s excited to see you, feed you, and give you exactly what you want.

bad reputation @noteguk

summary: in which you have to deal with some strange emotions for the first time.

not yet @bratkook

summary: jungkook feels the pang of guilt in his gut when you spot your recent ex out with his new girl, and what better way to make the jerk hurt than to have him believe you were now dating him, the neighbor he had been insecure about your whole relationship

incoming: elite chatboy @kookingtae

summary: welcome to Elite Chatroom, a sex chat company with a wide variety of services such as text messaging, phone call, and video chat. you signed up online for the most basic text service plan not knowing what to expect, but you certainly didn’t think you’d end up actually liking the man behind the screen.

ineffable @euphoria-vmin7

summary: your best friend Jeon Jeongguk has always been amazing and deserved the best, so you’ve hid your love for him. But unbeknowsnt to you, there may be feelings that could change everything between you two…

touch @gardentulips

summary: when you tease and please one another

Multiple Members

friendly fire @kpopfanfictrash

summary: The dynamic: Hoseok; your friend and previous fuck buddy. Jungkook; Hoseok’s roommate and subject of your massive crush. The scene: determined not to drunk-gush about your crush any more (to his face), you decide to seclude yourself from all campus parties. Until, of course, Hoseok guilts you into a favor. Things spiral from there.

the boys are back in town @/dntaewithluv

summary: Getting stood up by your date definitely hadn’t been on your agenda for the evening. Also definitely not on your agenda: bumping into Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook. Together. On the same exact night. It’s been a while since you’ve seen your two best friends, as well as lovers on multiple occasions, from your high school and college days. A chance meeting, some drinks, and a trip down memory lane is all it takes to reignite the attraction between the three of you. Old habits die hard, but these two? They just might be the death of you.

ruin you @taegularities

summary: “His eyes hold unfathomable darkness that lures you in, captures your very soul, steals any air you are trying to draw. And you know without a doubt that you’re on the path to utter and irrevocable ruination.”

ruin you (once more) ^

summary: Taehyung and Jungkook can’t keep their hands off you. Not even in the elevator.

Seokjin

kairos @luffles424

summary: When your financial aid falls through for your last year of school, you fear you’ll have to drop out and postpone your degree. Until Taehyung gives you a suggestion to make a lot of money, quick. His idea can’t possibly end well, can it?

appetence @luffles424

summary: appetence (n.) - an eager desire, an instinctive inclination; an attraction or a natural bondIt’s time for Seokjin’s rut. Are either of you prepared for this step?

tiny lights, tiny lies @ggukcangetit

summary: you aren’t sure when exactly your best friend’s brother went from being an oddly annoying set of broad shoulders to the shoulders you frequently fell asleep against.

Yoongi

the little things @kimtaehyunq

summary: When the present isn’t exactly enough for you right now, Yoongi is here for you through it all. He makes sure you know you aren’t alone and that it’s ok to feel alone.

cyberslut @kimnjss

summary:  he has no idea who you are… up front, you’re sweet and innocent - but in reality you’re the exact opposite. running your own nsfw account, where your favorite topic is his hands.

yoongi drabble @joonsgalore

life guard au

Hoseok

benefits @cutechim

summary: you and hoseok have taken the ‘friends’ out of friends with benefits, but exclusivity has its own perks.

Namjoon

namjoon drabble @lovetrivia

summary: You’re a hot girl on Twitch and Namjoon is an absolute simp.

Jimin

baby fever @writtenwhalien

summary: Jimin wants another baby, and much to your delight, he’s determined to give you one.

jimin drabble @/1kook

best friend au

small hands jimin drabble @lavishedinjimin

established relationship au

silk and lace @sunshyngal

summary: Min Nara is the newly dumped fiance to the Crown prince of Korea, Park Jimin. She’s not overtly upset , because at least now she can live her life without the pressure of the monarchy hanging over her head. Besides , Nara has a very dirty little secret. While she spends the day as the perfect high society girl with an impeccable pedigree , her nights are filled with lacy lingerie and webcams.  Ignored by the man she’s meant to marry, she revels in the greedy lust of strangers on the internet. It’s her way of saying ‘fuck you’ to a system that sees her as nothing but a toy, molded for the future King. Park Jimin doesn’t know the first thing about his supposed fiancee. And he has no intention of learning either. He knows just what debutante girls are like and he has no patience for the kind. Besides, his girlfriend of three years, the elegant and independent Irene is everything he would ever want in a wife . Or is she?Because in the secrecy of his office , after the day’s work is done , Park Jimin has a very scintillating vice that he likes to indulge in : the beautiful camgirl who calls herself the Temptress. Jimin can’t get enough of the girl’s lush thighs wrapped in silk, the pretty pink of her nipples in see through bralettes and the glittering temptation of the jeweled plugs she likes to stuff herself full with.Jimin thinks she embodies  everything he can never allow himself to have as a Prince : filth, sin and decadence , all wrapped up in Silk and Lace.

Taehyung

nip it in the bud @opaljm

summary: You’re not sure how you ended up here, but maybe a shitty ex and a horrible breakup had a hand in what placed you in front of the tattoo parlor. It was already a nerve-wracking experience, but what you never expected was seeing that the owner and artist giving you nipple piercings was your older brother’s best friend you hadn’t seen in ages. to make things even worse, he got fucking hotter.

taehyung drabble @joonsgalore

sugar daddy au

peanut @jungxk

summary: the making of peanut.

Jungkook

pretty kitty @venusiangguk

summary: you’re jk’s baby, his toy, and now his pretty little pet.

heavy metal @hisunshiine

summary: You come home from a trip to find your fuckbuddy has a… hole-y surprise.

devour @bloomsuga

summary: my sweet angel… i am going to devour you

grain of sand @jungkookiebus

summary: Blind since the age of 18 from a genetic disorder, Jungkook walked through life as if he never lost it, but on one fateful day seven years ago he literally almost runs into you. He fell in love nearly immediately. Fast forward to the present and it’s just another day in your quiet life with him by your side.

under the oak tree @mingoyeob

summary: as the eldest daughter of a duke, it’s your duty to marry at your father’s will. yet you didn’t expect to be marrying jeon jungkook, a knight of low status, especially when he departs for an expedition without another word after your first night. when he comes back three years later, this time as a renowned hero, how will you be able to face him and how will things change between you and your new husband?

jungkook drabble @1kook

dilf!jk

commercial break: thirteen ^

summary: Because for as much shit as you let him get away with, Jungkook is certain you’ll draw the line today.

sh. @wwilloww

summary: How could you say no to a month away in the mountains with your friends after six months of grueling quarantine?

jungkook drabble @lavishedinjimin

daddy!jk

OT7/Multiple Members

the end @jimlingss

summary: It’s been a habit of yours to vent in the form of love letters. There’s six in total. They’re kept secret, hidden in your closet. But on your 30th birthday, what you least expect is for each letter to become reality. All done by the whacky ghost of Christmas future trying to grant your birthday wish.

[thinkingaboutyoungroyals]

I’ve re-watched “Young Royals” so many times and each rewatch just never fails to astound me. This is one of the most beautiful stories I’ve ever seen in a teen drama. Yes, it’s trope-y, there’s no avoiding that. And it’s not a perfect show. But, it managed one thing that many teen dramas often struggle with: authenticity.

All the characters, yes, including August, are all so well thought out and no one is one-dimensional. They’re all flawed. They have their own morals and beliefs that they either embrace or reject. They have their own background stories and motivations for their actions. Not to mention, the teens? They act like teens! They go to school, hang out with friends, complain about their families, have crushes, and take part in hobbies. 

And none of them look like they’re about to walk a runway! They have acne and scars and messy hair.

The costumes, man! The kids wear regular, comfortable clothes that are still fashionable and appropriate for school. Yes, the rich kids are wearing designer names that scream “money!” (I noticed the Calvin Klein logo in one of Wilhelm’s sweatshirts) but that’s the thing — they’re subtle without being in your face. Even the girls’ makeup looks like the actresses themselves did their own makeup!

And don’t get me started on the relationships! All the relationships! Familial! Platonic! Romantic!

Wilhelm clearly loves his parents but he’s the second born. The spare. Most of the attention growing up was most likely on Erik. And Wilhelm most likely felt invisible, which was just fine with him, he doesn’t like the attention… until Erik died and Wilhelm became crown prince. Suddenly, all the attention that their parents gave Erik was given to him and it wasn’t the good kind. They have expectations for him now. Big ones. I don’t think Wilhelm’s parents are homophobic, not at all. His mother seemed sympathetic towards him after the video came out. But, at the end of the day, she was still the Queen and she had to make choices for the good of the Crown. And, unfortunately, that clearly took precedence over her role as a mother.

Simon and Sara’s dad made some wrong choices and lost his family in the process. And although Simon seemed more forgiving, Sara is clearly not. Micke tries to get back in Simon’s good graces by getting him the booze for the party but freaks out when he thought Simon was using drugs. And even Linda, best mom ever, clashes with Sara, who believes that their mother isn’t doing enough for them. We, the audience, sees that she is and Simon does, too, but Sara feels that it’s not enough and Linda doesn’t even try to fight her on it.

And Felice clearly loves her mom and struggles to meet her expectations but is getting choked in the process (’quite literally). It makes me wonder if her initially going after Wilhelm is because her mother is pressuring her to get with the prince. During parents’ day, her mother asked after Wilhelm, not Felice. And Felice realizes pretty quickly how toxic her mother is but, in the beginning, there wasn’t much she could do but go along with it. But, slowly and surely, she starts breaking away, starting with refusing to wear her mother’s dress and refusing to be Lucia and giving it to Sara, who actually wanted it.

And there’s August’s obvious distaste of his mother’s boyfriend and his rocky relationship with her after his father’s suicide. August is still clearly grieving while his mother seemed to have already moved on. And although this doesn’t excuse August’s actions, it shows his motivation and how strongly he’s holding on to whatever sort of control he can get his hands on: the rowing team, his status in school as prefect, and Wilhelm.

(More under the cut cause this was longer than I anticipated.)

I can’t talk about “Young Royals” without talking about Wilhelm and Simon’s relationship. The way it started because Simon spoke up in class about the unfairness of the law when it comes to welfare scams and tax evasions. Wilhelm’s whole life was probably filled with fake friends, people who only wanted him for his connections or to elevate their own status. In a sea of fake people, Simon was authentic. He never pretended to be anything he was not. And I can see why that must be intriguing to Wilhelm and he pursues him without even realizing it. He’s drawn to Simon and not just ‘cause he’s cute and has the voice of an angel.

And they got the actual way teenagers act when confronted by feelings for a crush. They watch and long from a distance. They shyly try to get close but get overwhelmed at any hint of reciprocation. The careful hesitation at that first kiss. The heartbreak of the possibility that you read the signs wrong. The giddiness of that first relationship. Yes, they do have sex from the get-go but the relationship itself was not sexual — it was innocent, sweet, and full of adoration.

They even have a fairly healthy relationship! They communicate and talk about their feelings. They don’t let things fester. When Wilhelm realizes he’s hurt Simon, he apologizes. And Simon, even if he may not understand Wilhelm’s motivations, tries to do so, anyway. They have so much respect for each other. They had a relationship that stemmed from friendship and trust.  

That’s what makes the eventual reality setting in hit hard. Because we suddenly remember that Wilhelm is no ordinary boy — he’s a prince. He’s in love with a commoner who also happens to be another boy. I don’t know what it’s like to live under a monarchy but I can imagine that even if the actual people they rule don’t care if their crown prince likes boys, the monarchy is still set in their traditional ways.

And these boys, who are experiencing love and a relationship for the first time had theirs marred by the violation of their first time and the expectations of the crown. Not to mention, they’re teenagers! That’s traumatizing for both of them! 

Suffice to say, I’m glad we have this piece of media that, despite it about being about royalty and nobility and rich kids, it’s enjoyable to watch because it’s incredibly relatable and real.

When you see these characters, you see your peers and people you’ve grown up with. You can even see yourself. 

And that, my friends, is why we need a season 2.

[austennerdita2533]

Hey!

I love Penelope Douglas for sure check her out! She writes some of the best smut tbh. I’m working my way through her devils night series right now-I’m on book 2. It’s good so far, definitely dark though. I’m interested to see how she goes about a redemption arc for the character Damon right now I don’t think he deserves one but I hear such good things about his book, Killswitch, but that’s book 3 so I will see how it goes. I definitely recommend Birthday Girl from her though I loved it and the couple from it are my favorite age gap could I’ve ever read. I find myself still re reading some of their best moments.

I am slightly embarrassed by Credence though so I hope it doesn’t bother you too much if you read it. Just so you know before going into it, it is about her and her step uncle/cousins. To be fair they are not blood related and very distance to the point she didn’t even know about them. But she does call him Uncle Jake during a sex scene, and the two others call her cousin during one too. There’s also a MMF scene with her two cousins. But on top of that there is a sexual assault scene (it does get stopped but the intent is there)-personally I wasn’t a fan of how she inwardly dealt with that scenario it felt like she was blaming herself for it instead of holding the other character accountable. Uncle Jake also does kiss her when she is still 17. So if any of that makes you uncomfortable don’t read it.

I’m so happy you liked the atlas six as much as I did. I can’t believe we have to wait until next year for the sequel to see what happens. It’s too long!! I also liked Callum the least, I still appreciated his character though and what he brings to the story I just wasn’t a fan of his, probably because of his problems with Libby/Parisa. Plus his powers terrify me-as someone who likes to have full control of my emotions the fact that someone could just change everything scares me. I also loved Nico he is my typical character that I love the whole I’m an asshole but soft and caring for the people I love gets me every time. Parisa is my queen though I’m obsessed with her. Like I’m literally in love with her, I wish she was real so she could be with me instead. Not that she would because I’m broke have 0 magic or power to give to her, but still. But I have a thing for power hungry women so I was gone the second I met her. But anyway if she was real she could destroy me or do anything she wanted to me and I would say thank you. Reina I also love and agree she could destroy the whole planet and one day probably will. I just love how she is there and wants all that knowledge but also doesn’t give a fuck about anyone else. Tristan also grew on me I’m still not completely sure how much I like or don’t like him yet he gets annoying sometimes because he is constantly in his mind about his alliances but I also love how loyal and caring he is. Libby is my girl!! I also relate to her as well since I was an outcast and battled inadequacy and all that (you and I must have some stuff in common!) Out of all the characters I relate to her the most and am rooting for her so hard-also because the author made her from Pittsburgh and I’m also from the area so I felt personally attached. But Olivie just did an interview and said Libby is getting a corruption arc and I am so excited about it!!

Okay ships- so I will be honest and I think it’s an unpopular opinion but oh well-I am a nicolibby stan. They have every single dynamic that I love in a ship and they could potentially be my favorite book couple of all time if that is the road they are being taken. Honestly I was obsessed with them from their first interaction so i have it bad for them. Obviously I know they were not romantic in this book but the potential (at least for me) was there especially in some of their quotes in the end. I fully believe they are soulmates though-even the author said they were born on the same day and feel like their other half is missing in an interview once-whether that will be platonic soulmates or romantic soulmates I have no idea and I could see either happening. My heart will break if it is platonic but it’s okay I can just live in my own little head about their potential.

But I get the idea and also like both libbytristan and NicoGideon and could see those happening instead of nicolibby too. I wouldn’t say I would be mad about it either-I do like both just to me the potential of nicolibby works more for me! My only thing about libbytristan though is I’m not sure how much of their tension/feelings are real (like did any of it exist before Parisa put the idea of the other person in their thoughts to lead to all the feelings.)

Weirdly enough since they probably my least favorite characters I also adore Tristan and Callum together. Their dynamic just works for me.

And I love Parisa and Dalton too and I’m so interested in how that relationship pans out because they have some stuff to figure out. But they work well together and honestly they are just so sexy together so I’m down for it. Although I do ship myself with Parisa more than her and Dalton but I’m biased.

Honestly though all the ships are wide open though so I’m curious to see what ends up being endgame. But omg yes the twist I was not expecting it-I’m so excited for the rest of this trilogy!!!

In other news though I finished up the ravenhood series. I know you said you either read it or it was on your tbr. But god I loved it. That series broke me and then put back all the pieces. If you haven’t read it and want to feel both heartbreak and happiness I highly recommend it!

Oh and don’t apologize for babbling as you can tell I also babble!!

-ACOTAR anon

Hiiiii sweets!

I've been sifting through a bunch of summaries of Penelope Doulgas' work on Goodreads and there's a bunch of stuff there I think I'd enjoy. I'm all about good smut. I didn't realize she had that many books. I'm excited! Thanks so much for the rec! I love dark romances/erotica every now and again so I'm also going to have to dive into the Devil's Night series at some point.

Oh, and idk if you know about it/read it but a couple of my friends told me about the Crossfire series by Sylvia Day a while back. It's BDSM, like Fifty Shades, but supposedly loads better. I don't know if you're into that but I figured I'd just throw it out there anyway. The smut is supposed to be steamy. I haven't read it yet but I do have the first four novels on my Kindle (where they've been sitting, unread, for about 2 years now)...so that's something haha.

And please don't be embarrassed about Credence. Seriously, the most wonderful thing about reading is you can go wherever tf you want in your imagination. No one can stop you. There are no rules. No restrictions. You can be whomever or whatever you want to be for a while, morality notwithstanding. One of my favorite things about books is that I can experience the most bonkers, outlandish out-of-this-world stuff that I'd never dream of wanting/liking in real life. It's liberating!

Thank you for the trigger warnings, though. I appreciate that. None of them sound off-putting enough to keep me from reading it. (Tbh, I want to read it more now.) I've read loads of books where characters marry or have sex with their cousins or siblings *waves at ASOIAF, the Secret History* so it doesn't bother me. I've also read most of Lolita and all of My Dark Vanessa by Kate Russell, which both romanticize pedophilia in disturbing degrees, so it takes a lot to put me off. If curiosity could kill then I'd be long dead by now. Hell, sometimes I will purposely read things I know will upset me to my core. What can I say? I'm a weirdo. 🙃

I DON'T WANT TO WAIT A YEAR FOR BOOK 2 OF THE ATLAS SERIES, EITHER. AHHHHH. How am I going to make it that long? It seems so far away!

Callum is the most terrifying of them all right now, imo. I think that's why I disliked him the most. Like you, it shook me to my core to imagine someone like him being able to toy with my emotions. I have a tendency to detach, to keep my emotions pressed close to my chest so that I can't be manipulated or hurt, and the idea that someone could have power over them, over me in that way is...no freaking thank you! I would put as much space between him and me as possible. Most of the Atlas crew had the right idea there. He does bring a lot to the story, though, like you said. I have a feeling he's going to be one of those characters I "love to hate" as the series progress. I might even grow to "hate to love" him, idk. He's just such a shady bastard! And so judgmental/mean to the girls.

I'm with you on Parisa, by the way. She's the kind of conniving, ambitious siren of a woman I can get behind. She has a similar vibe as Katherine Pierce on TVD. I mean, there's nothing in her arsenal she won't use and I love how she weaponizes her beauty. It's delicius. She's unpredictable. Definitely the type of character who inspires "scared and aroused" energy any time she walks into a room. Like, she could choke you and instead of crying you'd just ask her to do it again...harder lol.

Reina has the same kind of "no fucks given" attitude I have because I genuinely don't care what people think of me, either. I'm just here to do my thing. Be nerdy. Learn. Whatever. And Nico is my fave for the same reason as you--the asshole who only has soft edges for those who matter to him. *heart eyes*

Omg, Libby is going to have a corrupted arc? AHHHHH. That's going to be amazing, I cannot stinking wait! I was sort of hoping she'd go dark so now that it's confirmed I'm even more pumped. Also, I think you and I have more in common than either of us realized. I'm from the Pittsburgh area, too! How wild is that? Maybe there's something in the water here and that's why, like Libby, we've both felt inadequate and like outcasts at different points in our lives? Olivie might be onto something here...🤔

The thing that's been so cool for me about this series so far is that there are a bunch of potential pairings I could get behind. And I kind of like that it's not clear cut right now. Most series I know who I want together or who will be together like halfway through book 1. I like that I don't know have firm preferences and am still open. That's novel. Not to mention fun!

I don't blame you for shipping Nicolibby so hard, though. They're definitely one of my top contenders for a romantic pairing. They have that enemies-to-lovers element with witty banter that I always gravitate toward. And you're right about Libby/Tristan. I don't know how much of their connection was manufactured because Parisa intervened, either. That'll be fun to puzzle out moving forward. And Callum/Tristan should NOT be a ship I like but they have a palpable something that I can't put my finger on. I've got my eye on them, for sure.

The Ravenhood series is still on my tbr. I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed it so much, though! It's rare to read something that just ticks all your boxes. The next time I'm the mood to binge a series I'm gonna have to pick that one up. :-D

I've been trying to clear out my backlog of ARCs lately. (Not possible because I'm getting more on the regular - as in constantly haha - but I'm trying.) I just finished Wish You Were Here by Jodi Picoult, which has a Sliding Doors premise that is set during the pandemic where the main character has a parallel life experience (one, where she's in the Galapagos Islands on vacation when the shutdown hits so she's stuck there with strangers, alone, not speaking the language; the other, where she's in Manhattan with her surgeon boyfriend and recovering from COVID). It's intense but so, SO good! Picoult is such a good writer. Anything I've read by her has been moving, with rounded and real characters. I haven't been disappointed yet. I so recommend her.

Oh, and if you're into nonfiction/biographies at all I finished The Splendid and the Vile by Erik Larson not long ago, which is about Winston Churchill as well as those around him, and it was fantastic! Read more like fiction. I loved it. I am no longer surprised it was on all the BEST lists for 2020.

[bennyboyjones]

The Getaway (Ben Hardy Fanfic) Chapter Three

A/N: Hi! So, here is chapter 3 to my Ben Hardy AU Fanfic! There are currently several chapters written, which you can find on Wattpad, but I’ve decided to also upload it here as well. It might be a bit behind, but you’ll still get all the chaps eventually.

What it is: basically, a girl from a small town who is bored of her life decides to take a trip to Nice where she runs into ben, who is also running away from some shit and some romance ensues.

Word count: 3.9k

in this chapter: FLIRTING AND MAYBE A DATE?

WATTPAD LINK IF YOU WANT TO READ AHEAD

Spotify playlist

In case you missed it: MASTERLIST

here we go:

day three

I woke up thinking about him, the same way I had yesterday. I had a feeling it would last all day and I would spend every moment looking for his face or the back of his head because that’s what had consumed me the day before. The difference was that today I would actually call him.

Yesterday would’ve been too soon and I was afraid of looking too eager or desperate. I was so out of practice when it came to meeting someone new that I didn’t really know what the proper etiquette was or how long was too long or too short when you’re expected to call someone. I had managed to talk myself out of basing my decision off late 90s and early 2000s rom-coms because the three day rule seemed way too long as I was already slightly impatient to talk to him again; and I was worried that if I waited too long he could potentially meet someone else or take my lack of eagerness as a sign I wasn’t into him—which could’ve been potentially devastating.

I also spent yesterday trying to grip back onto my sanity. I spent my day at the beach, laying on the rocks, trying to get some sort of tan and attempting to convince myself that I wasn’t that into Ben. Rationally, I couldn’t be; I had met him once, talked to him once, and that was under the influence of alcohol. I had been with a guy for years and didn’t remember feeling like this, which made me really think about what I was doing with Liam for so long when I could’ve been feeling like this with someone else.

I called my mom that afternoon and expressed all of this to her; I told her that I thought I really liked him, which was insanity because I didn’t even know him, how I felt like a hormonal fourteen-year-old who was experiencing a crush for the first time and slightly desperate.

“You’re not desperate, honey,” she assured me, “you’ve just been stuck with dead weight for far too long. This is the first romantic experience you’ve had in a long time.”

I sighed, knowing she was right. There had been nothing romantic about my relationship with Liam, at least not for the past year and a half. It was kind of sad, now that I looked back on it. Even the sex was slightly platonic and I couldn’t believe I had let it go on for so long. “When should I call him?”

“Tomorrow. He’ll have gone a whole day thinking about you, wondering if you’re going to call. It’s good to leave them hanging for a bit.”

So I took her advice and waited until today. My plan was to call right after I woke up, that way there were plenty of opportunities for us to meet up: breakfast, a day at the beach, a walk, lunch, dinner.

I pulled my phone off the charger and dialed the super long number—I assumed it was a U.K number because there were way too many digits for it to be American and I couldn’t see the point in him getting a French number for only a few weeks.

I clutched it close to my ear and waited for it to ring, but it didn’t. Instead, there were several loud beeping noises and an automated voice telling me that this number was out of service. I felt my heart plummet into the pit of my stomach as the embarrassment flooded my cheeks.

He gave me a fake number, an out of service number. I sat on the edge of my bed with both my phone and the piece of paper in my hands, my eyes moving between the two. A fake number. I was so into this guy, with his charming smile and gorgeous eyes and great laugh and he, apparently, wasn’t into me at all. Did I read the whole situation wrong? I couldn’t wrap my brain around the idea that he would buy me a glass and then ask me to have a drink and then went so far as to settle for a coffee and talk to me for almost an hour, all without being the least bit interested in me. It made no sense.

I tried the number again, this time being super careful about punching in the numbers, making sure I didn’t miss one. Again, the same voice told me the number was out of service. Well, that was tragically disappointing.

As much as I didn’t want it to, the disappointment had ruined my mood. I no longer wanted to explore or sit in the sun or even stuff my face with pastries. All I wanted to do was wallow and, in my favor, it was raining. I could’ve just thrown on a rain jacket or grabbed an umbrella and still have done something fun today, but I didn’t. Instead, I stayed in my oversized QUEEN t-shirt I had worn to bed, made a coffee and sat on the floor in front of doors to the balcony and watched the rain.

I felt slightly melodramatic; this wasn’t some huge heartbreak. I even felt a little guilty for feeling this let down over a guy I didn’t even know when I barely mourned the final ending of a two and a half year relationship.

Despite the guilt, I found myself wondering what Ben could be doing, if he felt bad about giving me a fake number, if he had thought about me at all. I perked up when I realized there was a possibility that hadn’t crossed my mind: he made a mistake. He could’ve written the wrong number down; some people have two phones, I rationalized. They often have one for work and one for personal use. Maybe he gave me his work phone by accident! Then it would make sense why it was out of service because he doesn’t work there anymore and therefore would no longer need the phone or the number. I wondered if he realized his mistake and if he was disappointed that I couldn’t call him or if he was hoping to run into me again to make it right.

I knew that even the joy this new theory brought me was overdramatic; I was being so silly, acting as if I had never liked a guy before, as if this was the first person to ever take interest in me—like a complete amateur, pining over a guy who probably didn’t even really care about my existence, but if felt good. It was fun to be this emotional and it was something I hadn’t done in years. Well, I did it a little in London when I had small crushes on cute boys I had met at pubs but I never let myself fall into a feelings hole this deep; I was still technically in a relationship and refused to cross the line physically or emotionally. But now, there was no line to cross and I was free to feel as dramatically as I pleased.

I thought about going out and looking for him but quickly shot my own idea down because searching for him meant aimlessly walking around for hours with no real idea of where he could be. It would have been a major waste of my time, but so was sitting on the floor watching water fall from the sky.

I got ready in a rush; threw on a ‘The 1975’ tee, black jeans and my clear raincoat, didn’t bother with any makeup and left my hair in their natural waves, tucking my bangs behind my ears since they weren’t styled. I threw on my white sneakers, grabbed my umbrella and shoved my wallet into my back pocket before leaving the warmth of the AirBnB.

I wasn’t going to look for him. I was going cafe-hopping since there was nothing better to do on a day as miserable as this. I was going to fill myself to the brim with caffeine and pastries and if I just so happened to run into Ben then so be it (and if I didn’t, I was sure I’d have to find a way to derail another melodramatic sit down but I’d worry about that later).

It was five cafés later and so far, I had no luck. My hands were already shaking from caffeine overload when I settled into a chair at Brassiere L’Olympia. It was small, on the corner a  block or two from where I was staying. It had a deep red awning with gold trim, a pale yellow front and a large gold doorknob that my hand barely fit around. There was no one else inside and upon my entering, the woman behind the counter called, “No food, only coffee.” I nodded and took a seat all the way at the back of the beige room, right next to the windows that looked out on the street. It was almost evening and the rain was still coming down hard.

I decided this would be my last stop before swinging back to the apartment to grab the two reusable bags I bought and heading to one of the grocery stores. I still hadn’t bought any snacks or foods I could pack for the days I spent at the beach and for the past two nights I suffered at the hands of my midnight snack withdrawals.

I ordered a noisette like I had at the last five spots, feeling myself become slightly nauseous at the idea of downing another but it was only €2.50 and I was fully committed to the cause, despite my growing disappointment. I hadn’t seen Ben, or anyone who had looked like him the entire day and I finally let the hope slip out of me and settled on the idea that he could’ve easily stayed inside today or that he was wherever I was not.

Again, my mind went to him and the way he looked in the dim glow at the restaurant and I tried remembering what his voice sounded like but it was hard.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”

I jumped in my seat, the voice breaking my stare down with the lamppost across the street. When I turned my head to see who it was, I almost started laughing. Just when I had given up, I found him; of course, when I stopped looking.

“Happy to see me?”

“Something like that,” I tried to subdue my smile as I motioned for him to take the seat across from me.

“You didn’t call.” He shrugged off his jacket and put it on the back of his chair before taking a seat.

I spun my cup in a circle on its saucer, not meeting his eyes, “I did, actually. It was out of service.”

He acted surprised, “What?” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and started fiddling with whatever was on his screen.

“It’s okay,” I held up my hand, “You don’t have to make some big show about it. I can take a hint—I mean, I guess I can’t since, you know, I was kind of surprised it wasn’t real. I thought we, I don’t know, got along really well—“ I was slightly nervous and babbling. Sure, I had convinced myself that he made a mistake when he wrote down his number, but what were the actual odds of that? In my mind, they were very very low and the more likely reason the number was out of service was because he intended it to be.

“No, seriously, that can’t be right,” he interrupted me, “you must have done it wrong.”

He read out his phone number and my eyes grew wide.

“Wait, did you say, ‘three’?”

“Yeah, I said, ‘three’. What else could it have been?”

“An eight!” I laughed in relief and pulled the small piece of paper out of my back pocket and placed it on the table in between us. “Look!”

“That is obviously a three. Just admit that you didn’t actually call me and that you’re trying to get out of having to explain yourself.” He threw the paper back on the table and picked my cup up and took a sip.

“Trust me, I called—twice.” After the admission left my mouth I immediately wanted to take it back.

He raised his eyebrows, “Twice? Hm.” He leaned forward in his chair and rested his elbows on the table, crossing his arms, “That makes me feel a bit better about waiting for your call; decreases the damage to my ego.”

“You waited for my call?” I leaned forward, taking on the same position as him.

“Of course I did; I’d be stupid not to.” His eyes never left mine as he brought my cup to his lips the second time. After a moment of us staring at one another, he pointed down to the cup, “I should get you another one of these.” He raised his hand, about to turn around to get the woman’s attention but before I could stop myself I put my hand on his forearm.

“You definitely shouldn’t. I’ve already had five; if I have another I’ll have a heart attack.”

“Five?” He rested his hand on top of mine, “Are you okay?”

“Not really.”

“Your hands were really shaking,” he said while maneuvering the umbrella between us.

“I told you, I had five.”

We were walking with no where to go. Once he saw the state my hands were in, he asked if I was interested in getting dinner and, without hesitation, I said yes. I made the assumption that this was a date, but was too afraid to ask for confirmation. I was slightly aware of the fact that I probably looked like a wet dog, having spent the whole day going in and out of the rain, while he looked like an actual god. His hair was brushed back off of his forehead, he was clean shaven, in dark jeans and a light grey crew neck sweatshirt, an army green raincoat thrown over top. His eyes looked just as they did the other night: sparkling green and clear—I wanted so badly to kiss him. He looked kissable. I was sure I looked like a disaster and with every step, regretted not putting makeup on or doing my hair. One or the other would’ve balanced me out but instead, I could feel both my wavy hair frizzing and my un-mascara-ed lashes drooping down.

I always tried to be one of those girls who preached about not looking good for anyone but herself and believed that a guy should like me for the way I looked without makeup and not just deem me fuck-able when my lips were painted blood red—but, I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel better about myself when I was wearing lipstick or when my lashes were curled or when my hair was done perfectly. I felt prettier and more confident when I looked a certain way and that was my cross to bear.

I could feel the insecurity weighing on me in the way I covered my mouth when I laughed and let my bangs hang slightly over my eyes but I needed to shove it away because that wasn’t the girl he had met in the restaurant. She wasn’t the girl he had asked to have a drink.

“Interested in some crepes?” He pointed at a sign for a small crêperie .

“For dinner?”

“Why not?”

I shrugged, not being able to argue. He held the door open for me and lightly pressed his hand into my back as we walked through the door. We both ordered two; I chose one with lemon and sugar and one with a caramel filling while he went with hazelnut spread for both.

“Surely they have Nutella in the States?” He questioned when I told him I wasn’t big on hazelnut after he offered me a bite of his.

“They do! But I’m not really into it.”

“Not into Nutella? I don’t know if this is going to work out.” He let out a breath as if my dislike of the spread made things between us extremely awkward.

“So there’s something here to work out?” I smirked.

He winked, “Could be.”

I felt my cheeks flush and didn’t know what to say.

The idea of something happening between us made butterflies launch themselves around my stomach. It seemed ridiculous, considering we were complete strangers and anything that started between us couldn’t last; we lived an entire ocean apart. It would never be anything more than a fling and I was more than okay with that. What girl didn’t dream of a fling in Europe? This was a fantasy that was meant to exist solely in easy reading romances, where the girls had lives I lusted over and the boys were described as being so charming and beautiful that they didn’t really exist.

“So,” I started, while he was in the middle of taking a bite, “why advertising?”

He shrugged and finished chewing before answering, “The money, mostly. I had planned on going to school for business and advertising was what I was best at. Also, it was the only bit that allowed a little creativity.”

“If money wasn’t an object, what would you be?”

“An actor,” he broke eye contact with me and his face turned a light shade of pink. “I always wanted to do something like that, be in plays or movies, but financially, it’s not very feasible.”

“I get it. I mean, being a writer isn’t the most financially stable profession either. Do you like advertising?”

He sighed, “At first I did, but not anymore. The hours are long and even if I wanted to try to do something on the side, I can’t. It’s kind of become my entire life.”

“I know the easy answer is to say that you should just quit, but I also know that it’s usually a lot more complicated than that.” I laughed lightly.

“It’s not. I did.” He smiled at my surprised expression.

“You quit?”

“Yeah, that’s kind of why I’m here. I don’t know what to do now.”

“Ah, running away. I’m good at that.”

“Well, cheers to running from our shit.” He raised his glass of water and clinked it against mine. “Want to grab a real drink?”

This time, I didn’t turn him down.

He paid our bill and after I thanked him, we walked out of the crêperie and into the cool air.

We walked close to each other, so close that our arms and fingers brushed against one another with every other step. Each time I felt his fingers swipe against mine, it felt electric, a small tingle shot through my arm and something inside me fluttered. I wondered how long we would let this go on, whether he would move away so we no longer touched or finally grab my hand.

We walked past several bars and restaurants and I started to wonder where exactly it was we were grabbing this drink. “Are we going somewhere in particular?”

“Yeah.” He smiled at me before pushing his fingers through mine and holding my hand.

We walked for the next few minutes in a comfortable silence just enjoying each other’s company. His palm was warm against mine and his fingers were long and his skin wasn’t rough but it wasn’t as soft as mine. Every few steps, he brushed his thumb over my hand reassuringly and I couldn’t stop blushing.

When he stopped, it was in front of a small grocery store.

“Oh.” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

“Disappointed?” He asked as he squeezed my hand.

I shook my head quickly, “No! Just…confused?”

“Come on,” he said before pulling me inside.

He took us straight to the wine section and pulled two coteaux bourguignons off the shelf before moving on to grab some fruit, bread, and cheese. I had figured out what his plan was, slightly worried that we would be taking these things back to wherever he was staying. I admit, I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to do more than that, but technically, this was a first date and I wasn’t about to fuck him after hanging out with him for only the second time.

The last thing he grabbed was garbage bags, and when I gave him very confused and concerned look, he said, “We need something to sit on.” I nodded as if my confusion had completely evaporated with that simple explanation.

After a small argument over who would be paying for the two armfuls of supplies (I wanted to pay because he paid for dinner but he argued that since it was his idea and this was an extension of our first date that he should pay—and frankly, his argument was too good to deny), he lead us towards the promenade and took us down the steps to the rocky beach.

“Is this allowed?” I whispered as we walked over the rocks.

“Probably.” He shrugged.

When he found a spot he liked, he pulled out a plastic garbage bag from the pack and placed it on the ground like a picnic blanket. It was raining anymore, but everything was covered in a thin layer of water. Once he had that set, he took everything out of the bags, one by one, arranging it all a very specific way.

When he caught me staring and trying to stifle a giggle, Ben gestured towards his setup, “I’m just trying to make it as perfect as possible. I’m doing my best!”

“The garbage bag is perfect, I swear! It’s…cute.”

He opened the wine with the opener he bought and poured it into our paper cups and waved at me to take a seat next to him. We opened our snacks and started munching in comfortable silence despite the crepes we had inhaled only an hour before.

It was dark now, the only light coming from the flashlights of our phones we had placed in between us. We could hear the waves lapping against the store but could barely see them. There was a chill in the air, as the breeze was amplified closer to the water and I felt myself shivering slightly. We were sat against the wall of the promenade, hidden away from any on lookers.

“Come here,” he said when he noticed my slight shiver and pulled me into him. We sat with our backs against the wall, his arm around me, looking in the direction of where the water would be if we could see it. His body was hard against mine, signaling to me that I was right about how fit he was and I felt the muscles in his arms flex every time he moved it slightly. He rubbed his hand up and down my arm trying to warm me up as we slowly sipped our wine.

“This would be a lot more romantic if it wasn’t so bloody cold.” He laughed.

I hit him lighting in the stomach with me free hand, “Stop! I think it’s just the right amount of romantic.”

“Hang out with me tomorrow.”

“Was that a question?” I turned my head to him to see that he was already looking at me.

“Not really.” He smiled, “Come on, you know you want to.”

“Fine.” I leveled him with a smile of my own.

[marshmallow-phd]

Randomizer Bias Tag! 💗

So, I was tagged by @smut-wars and @jongin-be-my-jagi and this sounds like so much fun. Lets see how this goes! 

Rules: Go to this website [www.random.org/lists/] and pick 15 of your biases/faves, then fill out the following.

1. Mom/Dad: Jooheon. I... don’t know how I feel about this. Can he take care of someone this way? I feel like I should be taking care of him more than him taking care of me? 

2. Sibling: Taemin. I’ll take this. I think we could be those very goofy siblings that everyone else would find weird and slightly annoying, but we’d be fiercely portective of the other. Only we can make fun of each other.  

3. Grandma/Grandad: S.coups. Yeah... I could see this. After being the parent of twelve rowdy boys, I’m surprised he isn’t gray by now.

4. Haunts you: Kris. Oh Goodness. He’d be that clumsy kind of ghost constantly dropping things on accident and then apologizing for the noise, cracking jokes when I’ve had a bad day, and chasing away any guys he sees as unfit aka a jealous ghost boy because I’m a hopeless romantic at heart and its Kris so I can’t NOT think of it in a falling-in-love kind of way

5. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Johnny. YES!!! That boy is boyfriend material! I will take it! He’d be so sweet, holding hands and refusing to leave the claw machines until he wins the stuffed animal I was eyeing. Late night adventures and arguing over the correct way to chop an onion in the kitchen. Every moment would be full of laughter and smiles and fun. 

6. Your best friend: I also really like this. As much as he still has my heart, I totally want to be friends with Minseok. We’d meet up in coffee shops and see movies we know are going to be lame and be overly competitive at sports and games. It’d be a very platonic love and we’d be a good shoulder for the other to lean on. 

7. Your ex: Jaehyun. Oh. Oh man. That hurts. I feel like it would be the painful kind of break up full of tears and heartbreak. We’d both walk away still loving each other and a sense of longing for the other, but we just can’t look back anymore. 

8. Proposed to you: Changsub. I feel like this wouldn’t be a real proposal. I feel like it would be the kind where he’s joking. Like I cooked a meal that he found delicious or he was amazed that I knew about a subject he was passionate about. So the words would jsut spill out in amazement and I would simply laugh it off. 

9. Your boss: Jaebeom. Never have I been big on the boss aus or the CEO aus, but Jaebeom in a suit? I... I like the idea of that. Roll up those sleeves and loosen that tie, I sense an office!au on the horizon. 

10. Random person you meet at the bar: Young K. Like a karaoke bar? Because that would be a fun time. Young K drunkenly singing along with Day6 songs asking why he hadn’t come up with those lyrics first. 

11. Rival: Jackson. So... I’m doomed. Sports rival? He’s a Fencing Junior Olympian. Sass? He can out do me in 5 languages. Looks? We all know wins hands down. I don’t stand a chance. 

12. First kiss: Ravi. I just melted. He may be a charismatic rapper on stage, but he’s a total sweetheart off stage. I bet it would be a soft kiss, the kind you think about years down the line and sigh to yourself. 

14. Played 7 minutes in Heaven with: Jae Park. That would be the most awkward 7 minutes of my life! I feel like all we’d do is sit there in the closet, laughing and cracking jokes. Maybe, right near the end, there’d be a kiss, but nothing more than that. As we walk away, he’d send a wink and I’d roll my eyes. 

13. Drunk and singing karaoke: Leo. CAN YOU IMAGINE CUTE DRUNK LEO SINGING A LOVE DUET?! I just made myself melt. He’d still be so shy, but so adorable! 

15. Gave you your favorite dessert: Junmyeon. Oh my goodness. I can just imagine him bringing me that slice of cheesecake because I’ve had a bad day or I’m feeling down. Both the sweets and the smile on his face would be medicine enough for me. 

I tag: @vampwrrr @dajung-salang @allofmyfeelsicanteven @xui-n-soowillbethedeathofme

[revisitedgrunt]

RWBY:  Is Yang Gay?  Part two.  I talk about Blake.  A lot!

I’m all caught up.  Volume 6 has been amazing, for me it’s right up there with Volume 3 in terms of quality and how much I’m enjoying it.

Thanks to everyone that reassured me I wasn’t seeing things.  It was nice to know that you all came to the same conclusion.

I have a lot of thoughts, so this is going to be really long.  Really, really long.  If you make it through this novel, you’re awesome and you have too much time on your hands.

Let’s start with Yang.  No confirmation on the show, but chapters 5 and 6 erased any lingering doubts I had that Yang doesn’t love Blake.  It’s funny that for the last two volumes we’ve had Yang insisting she was fine, that she didn't need any help and refusing to talk about how traumatic that night was for her.  She didn’t talk to Weiss, her Dad, her uncle or Ruby, but the second she’s alone with Blake, even with all the tension, guilt and hurt feelings between them, she opens up.  She finally admits she’s not fine, she tells Blake she’s having hallucinations and even lets Blake see her hand tremor.  The look she gives Blake when Blake says she isn’t leaving is so warm and soft.  This is the third time we’ve see Yang express vulnerability and all of them involved Blake.

Chapter 6 sealed the deal.  Having just escaped almost death, and still in a lot of danger, what does Yang do?  She doesn’t shout for everyone to get out, she doesn’t try to help her drunk uncle, she doesn’t even grab her sister, the girl she raised.  She grabs Blake and runs for it.  Scared out of her mind, Yang’s first instinct is to protect the person she loves most.  If they wanted to remove any romantic elements, they could have accomplished the same thing by having Yang yell at everyone to get out, and then run with Blake following behind her.  They didn’t, this scene was deliberately written and animated the way it was to convey Yang’s love for Blake.  

Before I move onto Blake, a few people told me to listen to BMBLB and All That Matters.  BMBLB was really cute, but I understand it’s non-canon and isn’t in the show.  Apparently the only reason the song happened was because the writer wanted to see if he could write a happy love song.  However, considering all the characters we have in RWBY, it does make me wonder why he picked Blake and Yang.

All That Matters is bonkers.  The crazy thing is, this song is canon!  It’s the type of song you write when someone has broken your heart.  The soft vocals, the sad, heartfelt lyrics, the understated music.  There’s no way anyone could argue this isn’t about love and heartbreak.  This song is all the proof anyone needs that Yang loves Blake.

In conclusion, Yang is gay for Blake and probably has been for the entire run of the show.

Now, let’s talk about Blake.  Before I really get into it, I burst out laughing when Ilia told Blake she’d had feelings for her.  For a show that doesn’t focus on romance, Sun, Yang, Adam and Ilia have all fallen for her.  I get it, it’s Blake, but come on, that catgirl gets all the love interests.  

It’s been really difficult for me to pin Blake down.  I think that was intentional, very good writing and makes Blake a more complex character.  After Adam, Blake would be very guarded, wouldn’t broadcast her emotions, especially romantic ones and probably wouldn't be thinking about starting a new romance for a while.

For most of the first three volumes, Sun seems positioned to be Blake's love interest.  The look they shared when they first met, and her blushing when he flexed indicated she found him attractive.  They also have several cute scenes together and there were hints of something developing, but I never saw a key, indisputable moment in the first three volumes that indicated Blake wanted a romantic relationship with him.  However, as Sun was interested in Blake and Blake found him attractive, I assumed he would be her love interest and they would get together at a later point.

The relationship between Blake and Yang is interesting in volumes 1 - 3.  They seem to bond quickly, contrasting with Ruby and Weiss, who do not, and their bond deepens as the show continues.  Yang even fills the role normally reserved for the love interest in certain scenes.  I have to talk about the scene in V3:C11 because it’s pretty significant.  Adam tells Blake he’ll destroy everything she loves.  Yang shouts out.  Adam and Blake look at Yang.  Adam sees the expression on Blake’s face and says “Starting with her.”  Here the show explicitly tells us that Blake loves Yang.  An argument could be made that this means platonic love.  I love my friends, we all do.  However, if we look at this thematically, it could easily mean romantic love.  It’s the ex-love interest threatening to kill the new love interest, something commonly seen it many stories.  This would make sense and carry more narrative weight, but I find it impossible to completely rule out the platonic love explanation.       

Watching volumes 4 and 5, I was positive that Blake and Sun would start their romantic relationship.  Both are separated from their teams, they work together closely and spend a lot of time with each other.  Sun even meets Blake’s parents (who are awesome) and I got the impression Sun was staying at their house.  Menagerie itself is a beautiful, tropical island.  Everything was in place for Blake and Sun to start their romance, this was the perfect time to pull the trigger, and then nothing happened.  They certainly grew closer, but it was similar to Volumes 1 - 3.  They shared some cute moments that hinted that something could happen, but there wasn’t that key moment that convinced me Blake wanted to make things romantic.  I have to admit, when the Menagerie arc came to an end and Blake and Sun were still platonic, I was incredibly surprised.  If the writers had planned a romantic relationship between Blake and Sun, there was nothing stopping it from happening in Volume 5.  

In V5:C13, we get the scene where Blake reunites with Ruby, Weiss and Yang.  Blake and Yang certainly have a moment.  I don’t think Blake signalling Yang out was inherently romantic.  It was significant, but I could attribute that to surprise or guilt.  Yang, however, was so focused on Blake, Ruby had to snap her out of it.  More proof Yang is gay for Blake.

There was a moment in V5:C14 between Blake and Yang that I couldn’t write off as plutonic.  It’s something I’ve done a lot, I’m sure most of you probably have as well.  You’re staring at someone you’re into, they look at you, you’re surprised and embarrassed so you quickly look away, only to look back again because you can’t take your eyes off them.  Blake does this to Yang.  Was this confirmation Blake liked Yang?  It was certainly on par with Blake blushing at Sun, so I had to conclude that Blake was attracted to, and potentially had romantic feelings, for both Sun and Yang.

Given that Blake and Sun hadn’t happened, I started to wonder if I’d been wrong about Blake’s designated love interest.  I had assumed it was Sun, given their attraction and their story potentially being an archetypal romance, by which I mean the handsome, fun-loving guy (Sun) breaks down the walls of the closed off girl (Blake).  I then realised that wasn’t the only archetypal romance going on.  I was also, potentially, seeing two people growing closer, only to be pulled apart, who reunite later and forge an even stronger relationship.  Had Yang been Blake’s love interest all this time?  I found it really interesting that both Blake/Sun and Blake/Yang could fit into an archetypal romantic relationship.

I’m sorry, this is so long.  I really do have a lot of thoughts about all this.     

V6:C1 was interesting.  I really like Sun and was sad to see him go.  My love for him grew a thousand fold when he spoke to Neptune.  Unfortunately, in a lot of stories and even in real life, a guy will do something for a girl because he wants a reward, usually the girl herself.  Worryingly a lot of media does reward the guy, which sets a bad example.  I was thrilled when Sun said he didn’t help Blake for romantic reasons, he helped her because she needed support and he didn’t expect anything in return.  I cannot stress how much I loved this, Sun is so pure and awesome.  The scene with Blake and Sun was really cute.  Once again, there weren't any overt romantic allusions.  Even knowing that she won’t see him for a while, Blake kisses him on the cheek, which is inherently plutonic.  I would not have been surprised if there had been a soft, peck on the lips, to hint that their relationship was developing, or may do so in the future, but there wasn’t.

For the rest of the Volume we’ve had Blake hyper-focused on Yang.  Not unsurprising, considering the guilt Blake must feel, but at times it seems a bit excessive.  In pretty much every scene, Blake is looking at Yang.  There’s a line between being worried for your friend and unable to keep your eyes off her.  It seems that sometimes Blake crosses that line, which could hint at feelings deeper than just guilt.

In Chapter 6, Blake is quick to volunteer to search the buildings with Yang and looks sad when Yang isn’t happy about it.  This isn’t inherently romantic and could be Blake wanting to mend their friendship.  I find it interesting that Blake finally opens up about Adam’s abuse, something she hasn’t done with anyone else.  This parallels Yang being vulnerable and could hint at a similar depth of feeling.  Or it could be argued that she’s doing it to help Yang by showing her she’s not the only one suffering trauma.  The hand holding was very heartwarming and a surprising show of physical intimacy by Blake.  The look she gives Yang is so open and earnest, but she’s given Sun somewhat similar looks.  There is a weight to this scene though, there are clearly very strong emotions in play here and it’s obvious they care for each other deeply.  

There are definitely some indications this volume that Blake could have romantic feelings for Yang.  I even get the impression that this is where it’s going.  Although I had the same thought in Volume 5 for Blake and Sun and nothing happened.  However, I’ve noticed a difference between Volume 5 and Volume 6.  For the most part, Blake and Sun’s interactions were light and fun, they didn't get too deep or heavy with each other.  Blake and Yang are the opposite, it's more personal and a lot of complex emotions are involved.

My own personal opinion, as of V6:C8, is that there hasn't been a moment where Blake has shown an indisputably romantic interest in either Sun or Yang.  The scene in V3:C11 comes the closest, but I can’t completely rule out that meaning platonic love.  There have certainly been hints on both sides, but nothing 100% definitive.  Her blushing at Sun and looking away/looking back at Yang would seem to indicate she's attracted to both of them, so all I can say at this point is that both Yang and Sun are viable love interests for her.

However, from a narrative standpoint it seems to me like Blake and Sun had their chance and it didn’t happen, especially as Sun has now left and we have no idea when we'll see him again.  At this moment in the story, and given their interactions have so much emotional weight, a relationship between Blake and Yang seems more likely and would be more interesting.  Sorting through all the messy feelings they have, the hurt, the guilt, the love, repairing their relationship, fighting Adam together and recovering from their shared trauma could be an incredible story.  It would also follow the archetypal love story I mentioned before. 

I thought that would be the end, but when I was proof reading this I was listening to “Red Like Roses”.  It’s from the “Red” trailer, which I think was the first one they released.  I don’t know if these trailers are in canon, or if they have any bearing on the show, but if they do it seems to give us a hint about Blake’s love interest.  

There are lines in the song that reference the four girls.

Ruby:  Red like roses fills my dreams and brings me to the place you rest.

Weiss:  White is cold and always yearning, burdened by a royal test.

Blake:  Black the beast descends from shadows.

Yang:  Yellow beauty burns gold.

That’s some very, very interesting wording for Blake and Yang.  I’m guessing the song writer knew what they were doing and didn’t just pick words at random.  There are specific references to Beauty and the Beast when they describe Blake and Yang.  As you all know this is a very old, and well know, love story.  If this song is in canon, did the writers always intend to have Blake and Yang fall for each other?  If they did, this may be the most well planned, thought out and developed same sex relationship I’ve ever seen.  

That’s it, I’m finally done.  Thank you for letting me ramble on for so long.

[shewholovestoread]

Reylo Thoughts - Post TLJ

So, I’ve seen The Last Jedi twice now (with the possibility of a third viewing) and I’ve been torn about what it could mean for Reylo going forward. I think there were some great moments of foreshadowing in the film and parallels if one was watching carefully. I will attempt to write about some of them in this post.

One of the things that struck me immediately was Ren’s demeanor in the Force Visions. In ‘real life’ he has a volatile disposition, quick to lose his temper, but in the Force Visions, he’s eerily calm. In fact, it’s Rey who is the more turbulent of the two. She even fires at him in their first encounter while he’s just sitting there. And even after that, Rey runs out, clearly still intent on attacking him while he runs out and skids to a stop. There’s no aggression in his body language. This is echoed throughout their Force Bond exchanges. It changes when Rey goes into the Dark pit and comes back shaken. She talks about how she felt so alone and Ren replies that she isn’t. His facial expression is very important here. It didn’t strike me during the first watch, but when I saw it again, his eyes were wet, like there were unshed tears. This was not a warrior of the dark side. We saw him open up to Rey long before she opened up to him. He never retaliated against her verbal assault, even going so far as to agree with her when she calls him a monster.

We know from the TFA that he felt even more conflicted after killing Han. And that conflict is worsened with his interactions with Rey. I think it’s safe to say that it’s not Kylo Ren she’s talking to but Ben Solo. Another key scene is when he goes after the Resistance after destroying his helmet. He knows Leia is on the bridge and there is a very specific cutaway to his thumbs on the trigger, he starts to press it but then chooses not to. And is shocked when his back-up fires anyway. See that scene carefully, his reaction is one of shock. Even in the build-up of the scene, there are tears in his eyes and he can clearly sense his mother. If the point of TLJ was to establish Ren as a villain, they did a very shoddy job of it.

Another thing that struck me was that Ren never lied to Rey. When Luke told Rey of how Ben turned on him, he wasn’t being completely honest. It is Kylo who offers more insight into the situation. Of course, his version is also incomplete and muddled because of what Snoke must have told him following that incident. I think it’s also important to understand, that Kylo thought his own uncle and mentor tried to kill him in his sleep, that has got to hurt. Even outside of that, he never tries to manipulate Rey. 

Then there’s the scene of a shirtless Kylo Ren. This is a very typical trope, we’ve seen in so many romantic films/tv shows. It always involves people who are meant to be a couple. I’ve read the ‘official reason’ as to why that scene is there in the film and I call BS. That’s a flimsy excuse if I ever heard one. At no point did he have to be shirtless. And Rey’s reaction is to be flustered, she’s not unaffected here. There is no way this scene plays out as platonic. And when Rey says to him, right at the beginning of that scene something like she’d rather not do this now, his tone is telling. It’s dry with just a hint of humour. But she’s still mad at him.

I think the other thing that the Force Bond served to do was bring them closer. It made Rey see him as more than someone she hates. She finally sees him a human being, as someone who was let down by people he needed. Someone who’s as lost as she is. She sees someone who understands her pain, her loneliness, the isolation she’s felt all her life. In a lot of ways, they parallel each other. They’re the only two people who can truly understand what the other is going through.

The throne room scene is a very important one in the film for a number of reasons. First, I think that when Snoke reveals that he bridged their minds, that was a lie. If that was the case, that link would have ceased to exist with his death, but that clearly did not happen. I think they bonded when Kylo tried to read her mind in TFA and she read his mind instead. I think they inexplicably bonded without realising it and Snoke noticed that and tried to use it to his advantage. But he made a fatal mistake. Right before Kylo kills Han, Han tells him that Snoke is only using him for his powers and Snoke proves him right. Till then, Kylo thought that Snoke saw him and his potential and respected that. But that was not the case at all, Snoke was using him, exploiting his ‘weakness’.

The fight scene is also very interesting. The one thing that jumped out at me was the part where Rey seems to grab Kylo’s thigh/hip while leaning on his back and he literally lifts her with his butt, giving her the leverage to fight off one of the Praetorian guards. I mean, what was the point of that particular move? These fight scenes are meticulously choreographed and they’re very precise and it’s interesting that they chose to with that move. Can you imagine, during rehearsals and training, while they were coming up with ideas for the fight, someone brought up this idea and it was okayed by Rian Johnson, assuming it wasn’t his idea to begin with.

They also fight like they’ve been training together their entire lives. They’re so in sync with each other. They know where the other is at all times and are aware when they’re in danger. When Kylo sees that Rey is having a hard time, there is an urgency to his moves, like he wants to get to her faster. Similarly with Rey, when she notices that Ren is in danger, she doesn’t hesitate and throws him the lightsaber. That scene is also drives home the point that they had to work together. On their own, neither would have made it out, but together, they defeated the guards.

One of my favourite scenes was right after the fight when Rey asks him to call off the attack. When she realises that he won’t, there is such heartbreak on her face. But let’s look at it from Kylo’s point of view. His master and mentor had tried to kill him (Luke), he had killed his own father and then realised that Snoke had been using him all along. He was never going to with Rey, This was a man who’s entire world had just tipped over. Everything he believed about himself and his new teacher was a lie. When he says that he wants to destroy the old, he’s talking about all the things that held them back. Told them what was possible and what wasn’t. He was done with the First Order, with the Republic, with the Jedi and the Sith. He essentially chose no side. But more importantly, there is such desperation when he asks Rey to stay by his side. He is desperate, he’s finally found someone who didn’t lie to him. Who was his equal in power and truly saw him, not as a weapon to use but as person. She saw him. And you can see it in her face, she’s torn, there is a part of her that wants to take his hand, not to rule the galaxy, that’s not her ambition, but to simply stay with someone who truly understands her as well. But it’s the ‘please’ that gets me every time, the way his voice breaks when he says it. That’s what I mean that he’s desperate and hurting.

Also, can we talk about the fact that Rey woke up before Kylo and did not kill him. She even gave him back his lightsaber. If she truly thought he was evil, that was the perfect moment to get rid of him. He was unconscious. But she doesn’t kill him. I think it’s because she can still sense light in him, that there is a chance that he’ll come back to the light.

In episode 9, Rey will be back with the Resistance and I think she will still be plagued by her feelings of loneliness and isolation. There are no Jedi in the resistance, not even people who are force sensitive. And add to that, she and Kylo are still linked by the Force Bond and that will definitely play a roll in episode 9. I don’t think TLJ set up Kylo as a villain, if it wanted to make him irredeemable, they really messed up because the Kylo Ren we see at the end, is a broken man. He’s on his knees. When he and Rey look at each other, again, there is no rage on his part when only moments before he had been lashing out. He stays on his knees, his posture doesn’t change. And Rey also pauses, she doesn’t immediately shut the door on his face. She doesn’t lash out at him. She looks at him for a moment and then shuts the door. We then see him again, still on the floor, a tight close up of his eyes, tormented and torn, looking down at Han’s dice that Luke gave to Leia. When they fade, his hand curls around them. I think the big take away is that ultimately Kylo has to save himself. He started that process when he killed Snoke and ended the film even more conflicted than before.

Star Wars is big on foreshadowing and these films are so carefully crafted that you can’t discount anything as an accident. There aren’t any, everything you see in the film was intended to be there. The Skywalker line has been at the center of the first two trilogies and we know that Kylo and Rey are the central figures of this trilogy. There is no way that Kylo stays a villain or that he dies in episode 9. We already saw Anakin fall to the dark side, I don’t see Kylo falling for the same trap. The original trilogy ended with Vader’s redemption and death. I think episode 9 will end with Ben coming back to Rey. She is the light to his dark.

Just before leaving Ach-To, she asks Luke to come back with her one last time when he’s trying to convince her that going to Kylo is a bad idea. When he refuses yet again, Rey says that with him not participating, Kylo is their only hope. That’s not a random statement. Luke effectively ascended and therefore can no longer help the Resistance, that brings us back to Kylo. Rey is a badass and a prodigy, I’m not undermining her abilities, but she can’t fight the First Order alone, she needs Ben by her side, fighting the way they fought against the Praetorian guards.

I think Kylo Ren as the big bad is a misdirect. He is going to find his way back to the light. I think the character that will emerge as the big bad is General Hux. I don’t know how many people noticed this but he looked positively sick in the film. More pasty than in TFA, he had dark circles and he looked gaunt. I think there is a slim chance that Snoke survived being skewered by being linked to Hux. Even if that’s not the case, he’s still very much a threat to Kylo. He hates his guts and would have happily killed him had Kylo not woken up when he did.

As far as love interests go, TLJ paired Rose and Finn and Kylo/Ben and Rey. I am worried that episode 9 may try to force a Poe and Rey romance but that would be bad writing, for one, they had their first encounter in TLJ. Setting up a relationship in episode 9 is simply too late. There are no stakes for the audience and no emotional investment, the way we are invested in Rose and Finn and Kylo and Rey.  Besides, i think Poe’s journey is different, that of becoming a leader.

But tell me what you think? This meta is nowhere as organised as I wanted it to be. But I am looking forward to reading what you guys think.

[izzyovercoffee]

Do you have any ships in the clone wars/repcom fandom?

DO I

TBH I have a really… really long list of ships. I’m one of those people that could potentially ship anyone/everyone given enough time to come up with at least vaguely acceptable reasoning. 

I mean … I’m the one behind the ship of Mereel and The Stars so I don’t … uh, have a whole lot of requirements for shipping.

My lines are: Everyone is an Adult at time of ship; and any potentially coercive relationships are written with a very clear, honest presentation and understanding of that coercive nature (zero tolerance policy for romanticizing abuse).

Fair warning, though: I do have clone/clone ships, too, and I know that makes people uncomfortable — hence the warning. And for the record, any of the below ships? I don’t expect anyone else to ship it, and I don’t generally expect people to be down w/ it or write it, either. B’)

I also … have Mereel listed kind of a lot in here. He just has so much love to give, okay. B’)

and under a cut bc damn this got long

Republic Commando: 

Mereel and the Stars

Stars. Ka’ra. Ruling Council of Fallen Leaders. 

When Mand’alore die, it’s said they ascend to the stars. Is that where it ends, really, or do they become something more, something greater than they were in life? And if they do — do they interact with the people?

Do they keep favorites? Do they adore and adulate their champions?

And how difficult, exactly, is that relationship for the mortal who can’t quite reach out and touch the one he loves most?

Ordo and Besany

like honestly my OTP for the longest time lmao 

I never finished my ‘Are These For Me?’ 30 drabbles for them … but maybe one day. One day.

Fi and Ordo

Boy meets Boy. Boy compliments Boy’s skirt. Boy hugs other Boy so hard they hit the floor.

#true love

Besany, Fi, Ordo

Besany is the type of person who is so kind, and so considerate, and so understanding. And Fi … he needs that. He needs it just as much as Ordo needs it, and as they need each other, and Besany. 

Some might not find a closed polytriad “normal,” but if it works for them, then it shouldn’t be anyone else’s business. 

Darman and Etain 

My heart constantly breaks for them. They deserved so much better than what they got, and it kills me.

And their relationship was so … so good. So good, in the beginning. Tragic, what Kal did to them.

Atin and Laseema

They were lucky in that they weren’t Kal’s favorites, and so were able to fly mostly under the radar and out of his attention. Kal still held a lot of … really unhealthy financial control over them, but … I genuinely feel that Atin and Laseema could relate deeply on several levels.

They have… compatible demons, for lack of a better term. They balance each other. And Laseema was always an interesting character I wish we could learn more of — and her friendships with the rest of the clan. After all, she seemed to be the one in active communication with everyone. 

Niner and Boss

Listen … I love this ship. I feel like there’s a lot of UST going on whenever they’re onscreen, and it’s an interesting sort of dichotomy that goes on between them — two sergeants of two squads whose trainers viciously hated each other during training days. 

There’s a competitiveness there that can’t really be quashed, but there’s also an understanding that exists between them that’s unique to their experiences.

Jaing and Kom’rk

This is one of those incredibly obscure, controversial ships. 

Full disclosure: this is a pretty fucked up ship, and it’s mostly from the perspective of “wow, that’s kinda fucked up.” I don’t expect anyone else to ship it, and I don’t generally expect people to be down w/ it or write it, either. If they do, the fucked-up part needs to be recognized and recognizable, however obliquely, or it just doesn’t work. 

They’re two very damaged people, there’s no use shying away from that. 

I fell into this ship by total accident, going through all the nulls’ tags on ao3 years ago and stumbled on one fic, and like … since then, I haven’t really been able to climb out this hole.  

Corr, Ruusan, and Jilka

I am not a fan of Corr and Jilka, alone.

That said … I am a fan of Corr and Ruusan, of Jilka and Ruusan, and … of the potential dynamics of this poly combination, with the given that Jilka and Corr remain platonic as opposed to romantic. 

It just feels more … balanced? Also Rev @thesummerstorms and Gena @cassiansfuzzyjacket explain it way better than I do.

RepComm crack!ships:

these are very, very clearly not-canon and not to ever be taken as canon (by me, at least?) but damn. they’re nice to think about, and try to come up with ways in which it might work.

Etain and Mereel

“WHAT THE FUCK IZZY?” I KNOW! I KNOWWWWWW

But more seriously … Mereel was there every day for Etain during a very, very difficult time (the months after her almost-miscarriage). Of all the characters in the series during the course of the series, after Etain and Darman, Etain and Mereel spend the most unobstructed alone time together (about three months?) — and we would never know because, lol, the pacing and timeline of the series is not really presented in a way that makes that noticeable.

Mereel also does something with Etain he doesn’t do with anyone else, ever, that we see in the series: admit vulnerability. He’s genuinely vulnerable with her, in a way that he is not with anyone else. That means something — especially given the context that he doesn’t open up with anyone else, not his brothers, and never Kal. 

Someone that Mereel can be genuinely vulnerable with? That he must trust, implicitly, to share that vulnerability? 

And then you have Etain, who is isolated after the mess of pregnancy news blows up. She’s someone who doesn’t have anyone she can trust, or depend on, who isn’t looking to use her in some way — or someone that she can be equally open and honest with — in those months … right up until Mereel (and Rav), when she’s evac’d to Kyrimorut.

And when she is, she’s treated like a whole person. Not someone who’s just a vessel for a potential, not someone to be used or leveraged for misogynistic reasons. A genuine, whole, person who is highly intelligent, highly capable — and treated as an actual equal. She was not given that respect since the conclusion of Hard Contact (except, briefly, when hunting with Vau).

The whole situation, as terrible as it all is, allows for the foundation of genuine, real, trust to form between them.

There’s a lot of … well, there’s a lot of potential there. A lot of room for complications and conflicted feelings and angst — UST and one-sided pining and mixed signals and confusion and just raw feeling — and it’s all things that don’t necessarily need to be resolved negatively (or right away, or at all), that don’t have to end in heartbreak, that can be just as it is: complicated feelings that begin during a difficult time and, given room to grow, become something else or something more many, many years down the line.

Mereel and Boss

Don’t even look at me.

So this ship came as a result of SW RP (bc of course it did) and, tbh, they have a lot of … difficult commonalities and clashes of personality. Boss is a difficult man with a lot on his shoulders — a lot of responsibility, a lot of stress, just … a lot. And Mereel? Mereel is someone good at managing stress — out of necessity, and practice, and effort.

And the thing with Mereel is he’s fun, he’s easy, and he demands nothing. Boss doesn’t need to take care of him, because Mereel can take care of himself — and sometimes Mereel can take care of Boss, whether he likes it, or not (or likes to say he doesn’t when he does).

Boss certainly needs someone like that, especially after long days and hard nights with other people always needing him, depending on him. It’s good, it’s necessary, to have someone for whom he can truly relax and let his guard down around — that he can trust implicitly, and be allowed to be vulnerable, to have his ugly parts exposed, and still be loved unconditionally, because that’s just what Mereel’s best at doing.

Parja and Mereel

“SERIOUSLY?” LISTEN

This also came as a result of SW RP, and mostly takes place in an AU where … Parja and Fi’s relationship inevitably crumbles, and they split — but they split amicably, and remain friends. Parja remains a mechanic and never is forced to give up her shop because of (poor misogynistic writing and) Kal. 

Mereel and Parja and Bardan are all particularly good friends and get up to all kinds of nonsense and pranks, and prank wars.

And … sometimes, late nights spent tinkering on separate projects in the same space, late nights working on the same projects, late nights spent together — and sometimes Mereel can’t quite come clean that he needs someone, that well after the conclusion of the war he needs physical contact in order to sleep.

And after the end of what Parja put too much stock and energy into what she hoped would be a sure future, a sure thing — maybe it hurts too much to sleep alone, but it’s too much of a risk to fill that empty space with romance when she’s not ready. Why not someone she trusts, that she knows would never, not ever, not in a million years, ever cross that boundary — someone who would never violate that trust, never take the invitation to share her bed as anything more than just that: a mutually beneficial way to get some rest.

Sometimes feelings happen. Gradually, and slow, and sneaks up on even the most vigilant. After a while, it becomes expected. After a while, it becomes wanted. After a while, they become needed.

other ships I’ve fallen into that I don’t have time/want to explain:

FI AND SEV

Atin/Sev

Sev/Boss

Scorch/Sev

MAZE/ZEY

Jaing/Sev

Fixer/peace of mind

Uthan/Mij (but way more hostile on Uthan’s part)

Walon/his star-crossed princess (literally, a real thing. I can’t get over how this is an actual thing)

Clone Wars:

admittedly, it’s been a while since I watched the series all the way through, but … repeating the warning for clone/clone bc that’s a thing in here, and the explanations are shorter bc, again, it’s been a while.

Marshal Commander Cody and Captain Rex

Their personalities mesh so well together, and honestly they’re just … so compatible ??? They also work so well together, went through training together … if there’s anyone Rex can really trust implicitly, it’s Cody.

Their friendship grows over the series and expanded (Legends) materials, and just … it works, in the way they need it to work.

Echo and Fives

Just punch me right in the chest.

really any combination from Domino Squad

because we all need tragedy in our hearts

General Aayla Secura and Commander Bly

You know … for the most part, I’m a little leery on ships like this where there’s a clear and obvious potential for really serious coercion. Most Clone/Jedi-who-are-their-direct-superiors tend to fall into this category.

but I’m just a sucker for Bly-post-war angst, for the conflict of fraternizing with a superior, with trying to navigate that Aayla really did have his life in her hands, and then the conflict of navigating those feelings surrounding killing her at the end of the war.

I’m a terrible person.

Duchess Satine Kryze and Obi-wan Kenobi

let me just like … repeat the above. My one thing about this is that I hate how Satine was killed off for Kenobi-man-pain, and generally only want to know stories that you know … fix-it, lmao, or give her a more respectable death that was written with better care to her character and her arc

Ventress and Obi-wan Kenobi

All of that flirting went fuck and nowhere. What a hugely missed opportunity — especially when Ventress was trying to work towards being better, or making a life for herself, turn over a new leaf or whatever.

I mean, we all know she hangs out in the kind of tapcafs Kenobi loves to get drunk in, let’s be honest with ourselves.

clone wars crack!ships :

I’m sorry in advance lmao

Captain Rex and Lieutenant Mereel

“What the hell.” Listen.

“Did this come out of SW RP?” HOW DID YOU GUESS.

Much like the other ships with Mereel, it’s all contingent on … Mereel operating as a free agent — a solo operator. Mereel pulling strings and favors across the GAR to make things just a little bit easier for Rex, for clearing up or speeding up administrative bull shit so that Rex can focus on getting what he needs for his men in a reasonable amount of time — or free up some time for himself.

And with the way Mereel’s … operations tend to go, paths sometimes cross that didn’t before. 

Anyway, who doesn’t like camping?

Quinlan Voss and Obi-wan Kenobi

Listen … they have a kind of fun playfully antagonistic thing going on. I don’t know if I could ever seriously ship it, mostly bc everyone who falls in love with either of them straight up die, so we come to a “unstoppable force vs immovable object” impasse if this ship ever actually came to fruition.

that and fandom can be kinda … gross w/ this ship sometimes so I’ve been avoiding it lately for that reason.

Senator Padme Amidala and Duchess Satine Kryze

how can anyone watch the episodes where they’re together and not see how good they are together. and like, the men in their lives, cause their deaths. so why not just … leave their men for each other?

Everyone wins.

not exactly clone wars honorable mention:

Ahsoka Tano and Kaeden Larte

I ship it so hard. if only !!! if only they didn’t meet when they did, when Ahsoka wasn’t as wounded, still, from the fallout of the end of The Clone Wars. and all of that tragedy. i just.

I just !!! ugh. they’re so good together.

aaand I think that’s all of them, or at least all that I can remember off the top of my head for now.

[rem-is-best-almond]

My thoughts on Rem's death in Shiki's devil route

I know the video has been around for quite some time on tumblr but today I decided to go watch the full video on Shiki’s devil route , which was on BiliBili, and skipped to the part before things actually went south in that 4 minute video.

Basically, Shiki’s route, specifically his devil route, is seriously not gonna do any good to people who have a weak heart and since the game recordings use a dummy head mic system, it makes the experience all the more real and a tad bit traumatising.

[Spoilers ahead ]

So what actually happened that led on to this mass murdering,Particularly, the post-scenario before Ritsuka actually meets Rem in the school Garden , was that the news of Azuna’s death was still bothering Ritsuka and she was rather depressed, to the point that she rejected her other two friends who were unaware of the news when they invited her to have cream puffs with them for tea.

Leaving the classroom to get a breather, she bumps into Shiki in the hallway. Ritsuka expresses that she just wished to be left alone and that she just couldn’t face Shiki right now knowing that he was the ultimate cause for Azuna’s death.

And so She runs away from him and arrives at the School’s garden. There she plans to mourn over her the loss of her friend when Rem appears and tells her that he’s been searching all over for her.

He explains to her that he wanted to know what happened with Jek that ended up with Shiki being injured. Ritsuka was reluctant to at first and tells him to ask Shiki about that to which Rem says that he would’ve if it weren’t for Shiki’s absence in school and assumed that he must be still recovering from his injuries as Ritsuka ponders over how She had just met Shiki in the hallway which could only mean that he never went to the third library.

So after she explains how Shiki shielded her from Jek’s assault and that’s why he got injured, Rem notes that it was a pretty unexpected move from Shiki . Rem then asks Ritsuka as to why she had bandaged Shiki’s injuries and Ritsuka explains that she figured that taking him to the hospital would expose his identity as a devil so she didn’t.

Rem tells her that that’s not what he meant but rather why did she still chose to help Shiki even after what he had done to Azuna, having heard about the news from Shiki himself. Ritsuka says that it’s because it wasn’t right to leave the person who got hurt because of her unattended and that she was also held responsible for Azuna’s death as Shiki wouldn’t have done that to her if Azuna hadn’t been friends with her.

Ritsuka then admits to Rem that she felt guilty because before such an ordeal had happened, she got into a fight with Azuna and in the end, they couldn’t even make up before her death. That was the breaking point for Ritsuka and she broke down crying right then and there.

Rem seeing this attempted to console her and tells her that she shouldn’t be blaming herself for what happened to her friend. He then wipes away her tears while telling her that no matter how many times she cries, nothing would change and it won’t bring Azuna back. This enlightens Ritsuka a little as she comes to a realisation that crying won’t change anything and that she was sure that Azuna wouldn’t want to see her in this state either.

After calming herself down, Ritsuka thanks Rem for hearing her out and he responds saying that he was glad that she felt a little better now. Just then, Rem was shot by a hidden arrow and as blood splatters onto the screen , Rem tells Ritsuka to leave immediately. Another arrow was shot and Rem immediately shields Ritsuka from it.

This time Shiki appears, noting that Rem must be pretty stubborn to not be dead yet. Ritsuka questions him as to why he’s doing such a thing and Shiki states that she avoided him but talks happily to Rem. Shiki continues on, saying that Rem must be a special person to Ritsuka and wonders whether if she’ll be horrified if he was dead , which he would like to see.

With Rem being helpless on the floor, Shiki walks over to him and tells Ritsuka to watch closely as he kills him. Stabbing him with an arrow, Rem screams in agony yet this doesn’t kill him instantly, as Ritsuka screams for Shiki to stop , Shiki plunges a second arrow into Rem’s body, ending his life while commenting on how he enjoys looking at Ritsuka in despair.

Personally, I really have no idea how I was able to watch this whole thing unfold but I guess part of me is a sadist after all, THAT doesn’t mean I didn’t cry though , I did teared up a little but since I was at school, it never commenced into actual crying except that my heart felt like it was being torn into pieces :“)

Honestly, after watching this, I didn’t really know exactly what to feel. At first, I was like it’s understandable why Shiki would be upset that Ritsuka avoids him yet hangs out with the other guys just fine but to take it to that extent, it was crazy, like thank goodness Ritsuka wasn’t voiced in the game cause it’ll make scenes like this 10 times worse than it already is.

And no, I wasn’t attempting to symphatise with Shiki’s actions at all ,cause well, he should’ve understood why Ritsuka didn’t really want to talk to him, since he himself confessed that he was involved in Azuna’s death. And it wasn’t that she personally went to see Rem for his comfort or anything like that, it all happened at the spur of the moment and Rem was only doing what any other decent ‘human being'would do.

Now that I’ve mentioned him, Rem oh Rem, my heart really broke for him in this one. Whether he was doing it out of romantic or platonic feelings, it was heartbreaking nonetheless. Seeing Rem in this other routes where he isn’t the love interest, there were times where I just sat there and wondered, is this guy for real? Was he really raised by such a vile and abusive devil of a father ? Did living in the human world all these time somehow made him humane? I’m not saying that Rem NEVER does anything wrong, he does but that’s where his character development comes in and it justifies his actions being something that isn’t up to him to decide, at least, without having to face the consequences .

Here’s the truth, Rem was involved in the uprising against Maksis , he was there to keep Roen at bay as Glax seals Maksis away and that was pretty cruel of him no doubt . But if we step back and consider his options, there really is none for him nor does Rem actually have a reason to disobey his father during that time. Of course, Roen’s holds a grudge on him for this very reason but considering how the class system works in the demon realm, what Glax did can’t be considered wrong. Whoever’s the strongest gets to sit on the throne and that’s that.

Living in the demon realm is quite literally an endless war zone to see who could keep their status in that society, which was why Rem was tasked to bring back the grimoire to his father cause that means the Arlonds would have immense power and rule over the demon realm permanently.

Back to the original topic, this is yet another instance that shows how Rem cares for Ritsuka, as for how he actually came to care for her in the trio’s route, that I’ve yet to see to judge. Although it is confirmed that he has romantic feelings for Ritsuka in every route in the left door common route given that I’ve already completed all of them. I’m not quite sure if it’s the same in the right door common route since I’ve heard that he still chooses to go through with his duty, that is to obtain the grimoire from Ritsuka ,in the human routes there but even then he doesn’t really put up much of a fight so I don’t know if this can be counted as an inconsistency.

Overall, this wasn’t a pleasant experience at all , obviously, and I guess I’m still staying neutral with Shiki as a love interest. He was cute in the manga as opposed to Rem who was much colder in it (but still is a dweeb in there to an extent) but I’m still sticking to my ship RemRitsu as something that is really irreplaceable to me like the sappy/ fluff roller coaster person I am :”)

[lovelyrhink]

“wait.” gregg sets down his cola with a soft damp thud against the living room table. “how can you be scared of love?”

“i’m not scared of love,” link replies. “it’s love that scares me.”

gregg scoffs. “is there a difference?”

link tightens his thighs under the table and sits up straighter. yes, dipshit, there is. “yeah,” he says, working a hand through his long hair. rhett should cut it soon. “there is.”

“enlighten me then, sherlock.”

“well… it’s like… ah.” how to put it into words? fearing the most beautiful force there is? it’s possible, link knows from experience, but how to say it? “if you meet someone who’s really intense, whatever they’re into it, it can be scary. that’s how i feel about people who love too much. who’re careless with their feelings and fling the word at anyone who smiles at them.”

gregg takes a sip of cola and hisses at the fizz. “not making any sense there, L-dog, try again.”

“no, fuck you.”

“ah come on, it’s practice for oral communications, yeah? persuade me. how can you be afraid of love? is it gonna come for you in the night?”

“yeah, it will, and it’ll hurt, too. it hurts if your love doesn’t match. if the, uh, girl you’re with loves more than you, it’s a problem, and if you love more than her, it’s also a problem. if either of you don’t love enough, nothing will ever progress, and if you both love too much, someone’s gonna cheat. so when i say love scares me, it’s because i don’t yet know how much love i have in me - what my capacity for love really is. i don’t think it’s very high, considering all the girlfriends i’ve had have been more into me than i was with them. and the unrequited crushes i did have on people, girls, always wrecked me more than they should. so now, if i meet someone who has all these different types of love going all at once, it overwhelms me. how can i compete with that?”

“compete?” gregg’s following now, his eyes are squinty, which means he’s listening, but he’s still not getting it. link tries again.

“i shouldn’t have said that, not compete. but like… balance. you can’t balance with someone who loves more or less than you. you’re always either going to feel like you’re not enough for them or like they’re not enough for you. friendships, family, sex. there’s always a power imbalance, and when it comes to love, it can make or break you. oh fuck you, you asked.”

“i did, didn’t think you’d go all shakespeare on my ass about it, though. must have been that improv class you took last semester.”

“whatever, man. all i’m saying is maybe you shouldn’t be so careless with your affections, keep your heart shielded. protect yourself and the girls you date by always laying out the rules first. reduces anxiety that way.”

gregg grunts.

now, it’s at this moment that rhett decides to join the conversation. he’s been on the couch playing a video game with the sound down, but now he gives a sharp, husky laugh that usually means he doesn’t agree.

gregg perks up. “ooh, rhett has something to say. come on boy, spit it out.”

rhett presses his thin lips together and keeps his eyes on the screen.

link watches him from the table, stomach coiling. if anyone’s opinion on the subject of love matters to him, it’s rhett’s. link takes a breath and calls to him. “rhett.”

“love shouldn’t make you anxious.” his voice is low but his fingers move fast over the controller. “it’s a feeling, not a midterm.”

link doesn’t bite back, but waits instead. he knows rhett has more to say but is holding back. silence will make him speak again. it does.

“if love scares you, you’re not doing it right, and the person you’re with doesn’t deserve you either way. it should be balanced, you’re right, but i don’t think real love makes you anxious. all that other shit does, like the exchange of power and the possibility of infidelity, but love itself, true love, shouldn’t be what you’re afraid of. love is the opposite of fear, and it’s not real if you’re scared of it.”

all three college roommates then fall silent, even gregg, who link has a feeling isn’t just high on cola. link keeps his gaze on rhett in the quiet moment that follows, video game groans and explosions the only sound between the three of them. rhett looks so stern over on the couch, brows furrowed, though his long body is slumped back as if he’s trying not to be. link stares at him a moment longer before looking to gregg and raising his eyebrows, admitting defeat.

rhett makes a good point, but link knows he’s wrong. love can still be real even if you’re afraid of it, hell, link knows that better than anyone.

he has never been more sure of or felt a love more real than that which he does for rhett, across all platforms, too - brotherly, platonic, romantic, sexual - but he also has never been so afraid of something in his whole life. he fears rhett’s love, that which he can’t give him, just as he fears own, which he knows is the wrong kind. rhett makes him anxious all the time when it comes to link’s unspoken feelings, but their friendship and trust is truer than anyone’s, they both know that. yet whether rhett knows it or not, his love, or lack thereof, has link suffering daily.

link won’t admit to that, of course. he’ll never tell his best friend that his heart is bigger than his and thus will never match, or that he’s so in love with him that it scares him, or that he knows they will be always be imbalanced, because then where the fuck would they be?

link isn’t ready to find out, not on this particular afternoon, so he just lets the subject drop and goes back to his comic book. he’ll save the answer for another day; he’s not feeling up to heartbreak at the moment.

[russellthornton]

Your Ex Wants to Be Friends? 15 Questions You Need to Ask Yourself

So, your ex wants to be friends. That sounds innocent enough, right? Well, it may not be that simple. It’s time to ask yourself–what do you want?

Your ex wants to be friends. It seems like a nice way to move on, doesn’t it? Why not be friends? You know each other well and even though the relationship did not work out, it doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be better as friends.

But, it is not always that easy. Sure, being friends that used to date is totally possible, but it does not always work out.

Everything from your history to possible jealousy and even leftover chemistry can get in the way of a potential friendship as well as other future relationships. Deciding to remain friends with an ex brings up a lot to think about.

Your ex wants to be friends, why?

There are a lot of reasons your ex wants to be friends. Do they simply want to stay in your life? Or do they want to keep track of you? Do they miss you? Or maybe you work together or share a group of friends and it just makes sense?

I know it seems like you’re assuming the worst, but before agreeing to be friends with your ex, try to think about their motivation. Or better yet, just ask them. [Read: Why you shouldn’t seek closure after a breakup]

Before agreeing to be friends with an ex because it seems harmless, have a chat. Is it really in both of your best interest to remain friends? Should you take some time apart first so that the break up isn’t so fresh? You broke up because it was what was best for you both.

Maybe you will be better as friends and the romance is what pushed you apart, but it could be worse. Having a friend you have a romantic history with can be insightful, but it can also be iffy. Will it be awkward to introduce a new person to them? Will they be jealous? Or will you?

There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to an ex that wants to be friends. It works for some but not for others. Some say if you can’t be friends with your exes, there is something wrong with you. Others say it means you can’t let go. But in the end, you need to do what is right for you.

Every relationship is different so is every friendship, whether with an ex or not.

Your ex wants to be friends, but do you?

Why not? That is the first thing that may have crossed your mind, especially if you ended on good terms without cheating or a big blowout. But what if you didn’t? What if you don’t trust your ex? Will that go away if you are just platonic friends?

so your ex wants to be friends and they made a move towards friendship with you. But what if they were controlling? What if you cannot stand them? What if being friends will reignite old feelings or pain? These are questions you want to ask yourself before deciding whether or not to be friends with your ex.

#1 Do you trust them? This is a big one. Sure, you can be polite and cordial to your ex without trusting them, but can you be friends with someone you don’t trust? You might think, they cheated on you, but as friends that doesn’t really matter. It does though.

Someone who cheats is a liar and liars do not pick and choose who they lie to, they lie to everyone. [Read: How to move on from the damage of someone cheating on you]

#2 Are there still feelings? This is where I make a line. Sure, some people can go straight from dating to friends, but in my experience, there needs to be a break in between. Without that time to move on and get used to not having that person in your life, going directly into a friendship can blur that line.

It can prevent you both from moving on and keep that door open for something to happen in the future. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works]

#3 Have you moved on? Thinking this is the same as #2? I promise, it isn’t. You can have no feelings for your ex but still be burdened by the end of the relationship. You might not have an interest in them romantically, but if you are still on the rebound or bitter from the breakup, that friendship will be tainted.

As I said, take some time before being friends if you really want to. [Read: 13 essentials you need to move on from heartbreak]

#4 Do you hold a grudge? We would all like to believe that we can forgive and forget and are above holding grudges, but we are imperfect. Even if you don’t think you held a grudge against your ex for whatever they may have done, reintroducing them into your life, even as a friend, can stir up that anger.

That can manifest in giving them bad advice, being a bad friend, or even self-sabotaging your own life.

#5 Are you still hurt? If you are coming off a breakup with this person, being friends will only keep those wounds open. Seeing them and talking to them regularly will prevent you from moving forward. It will keep you in their world.

Whether that is their intention or not, your ex wants to be friends to remain in your life for one reason or another. If that reason makes things harder for you, it isn’t worth it. [Read: 7 reasons why staying friends with an ex just doesn’t work]

#6 Can you feel comfortable around them? Is it weird to be friends with someone that saw you naked? Will you ever be able to treat them as a friend after such intimate or passionate moments?

I have tried to be friends with an ex. We got along great in just about every sense. And if we had never dated I’m sure we would be great friends. But we both could not shake our past when we were around each other. It made being friends impossible.

#7 Will they stop you from moving on? When your ex wants to be friends, I am not accusing your ex of trying to hold you back from a future with someone else. But being around an ex can make you hold off on dating. Whether it is due to awkwardness, feelings, or pain, being friends with an ex can postpone your future.

Will you be able to vent about a date around them? Or will you feel weird introducing them to your new boo? [Read: The post-breakup questions you should be asking yourself]

#8 Have you had time apart? This is a big one, maybe the biggest of them all. Do you know how they say time heals all wounds? Well, that is true. It could mean you don’t talk to your ex for two weeks or even two years before returning to each other’s lives as friends.

It will depend on your relationship, how it ended, etc. But without that time to adapt to life without them as your romantic partner and face them as your ex, a friendship is nearly impossible to form right off the cusp of a breakup, no matter how friendly.

#9 Are they jealous? Are you? Jealousy truly is a monster. Even if you are not a jealous person, you may have been on Facebook and noticed your ex from high school is married. Without trying, you get a bitter taste in your mouth. You don’t think about this person and really are happy for them, but you can’t help that tinge of jealousy that creeps up.

Now imagine that on a bigger scale. Your ex from a few months ago is at your dinner party. They are telling you about the new person they’re dating or maybe they brought them along. Even though you no longer harbor feelings for them, that uncontrollable jealousy can get in the way of friendship. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works]

#10 What do your other friends think? If you can’t sort out what to do, confide in your friends. They know you best and what that relationship did to you. You complained to them about your ex. They consoled you during the breakup.

If they don’t think being friends with your ex is a good idea, trust them. They are looking out for your best interest. They can tell you if this friendship is bad for your emotional wellbeing.

#11 Do you check up on them? If you check your ex’s social media, location, or ask around about what they are up to, being friends is not the best idea. You are clearly still hung up on them in one way or another. Becoming friends will only make your intrigue worse.

You either need more time to move on from the relationship before trying to be friends or just shouldn’t be.

#12 Will this friendship add to your life? Think about this for real. You always hear people say get rid of the negative people in your life. Well, is that what you did when you broke up with them? Do you really want them in your life in another form?

Will being their friend make you appreciate what you learned from the relationship. Will it give you insight into how you can be a better partner in the future? [Read: The signs you have shitty friends and need new ones]

#13 Will this friendship make things harder? This is something I have seen with my own eyes. My best friend is one of the nicest, most caring people, so when her dysfunctional ex wanted to be friends with her she agreed because she didn’t want him to feel abandoned. But, that is not her job.

She had no responsibility for his feelings, yet she tried to make a friendship work. He would call and just as often as he did as her boyfriend. He questioned her about what she posted on social media. He asked her if she was dating and would tell her he was going on tons of dates to make her jealous.

He very clearly wanted to be friends with her to try to get her back as his girlfriend. If this is what you see happening in your future as friends with your ex, run the opposite direction. [Read: 15 subtle signs your ex wants you back but won’t admit it]

#14 Does it make sense? You do not need to be best friends with your ex. Being friends, though, might make sense. If you work together you may need to maintain a friendship for the sake of your career. If you share a friend group, your ex wanting to be friends for the sake of the group makes sense.

You do not need to chat every day, but if you can be friends to the point where being in the same room together is tolerable, you may be able to ease into that smoothly.

#15 Is it worth trying? Now that you have considered the pros and cons of saying yes when your ex wants to be friends, think about the effort it will take. Will it be smooth sailing and just like two acquaintances being polite? If so, go for it.

But if you foresee drama, arguments, intense awkwardness, or even a repeat of your failed relationship you may want to say thank you, next.

How to be friends with your ex

If you have come to the conclusion that being friends with your ex is totally cool for you, then congratulations. Before saying yes, be sure you and your ex are on the same page.

Are you going to be friends that hang out in groups? Are you going to vent to each other about dating? Are you going to talk every day? Figuring this out now will prevent a lot of confusion later on. [Read: How to be friends with your ex without any complications]

How to tell your ex you do not want to be friends

The awkwardness of telling an ex you do not want to be friends is why so many people say yes and suffer for it later. You do not have any obligation to your ex. You do not need to mend their broken heart or protect their feelings. That sounds mean, sure, but you went through the break up already.

It is your chance to move on and be happy without them in your life.

[Read: Turning down an ex who wants to be friends – The steps you need to take]

Your ex wants to be friends, well, good for them. But you don’t have to. It’s okay to think about what you want and need.

The post Your Ex Wants to Be Friends? 15 Questions You Need to Ask Yourself is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

[postculturemag-blog]

What’s Better Than This? Guys Being Dudes

Read on Post Culture

The End of the Movie

Despite being a child of the 90s I consider myself a super fan when it comes to 80s movies. Every month my local Alamo Drafthouse movie theater holds viewings for older movies and I always try to make at least once a month. Last month it was Nick Castle’s The Last Starfighter.

The first 80s movie I remember falling in love with was the Spielberg classic Stand by Me. Stand by Me was a coming-of-age story about a group of friends who go in search of a rumored dead body. Along the way they meet a host of characters and challenges that send them on individual journeys of self-discovery.

Even back then I couldn’t help but draw comparisons to another childhood-best-friends coming-of-age movie I’d seen: Now and Then. Now and Then was billed to me as Stand by Me, but for Girls. Instead of a group of boy friends going on an epic journal of self-discovery to find a dead body, the audience was treated to snapshots of summer spent with a group of girls who just wanted to buy a treehouse together and maybe put a disturbed spirit or two to rest, too.

Both films share themes that are integral to all coming-of-age films, most importantly growth and independence. At the end of Now and Then once the girls have secured enough money to buy their treehouse Samantha comments that “The tree house was supposed to bring us more independence. But what the summer actually brought was independence from each other.” The idea is sweet and profound, made even more so by the opening reunion between the friends, now all grown-up, and the promise they make to each other at the end to visit together more often.

The end of Stand by Me is noticeably different. After our brave heroes overcome trials and the perils of pubertal self-discovery and find the dead body, the adventure, and summer, are over. A flashforward narrated by Gordie tells us that the boys drifted apart with age. Teddy and Vern became passing figures in Gordie’s life. He remained close with Chris through college until he went off to university—then died breaking up a fight at a restaurant. This prompts Gordie to write the famously heartstring-pulling line: “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve.”

I remember casually asking my dad at the end of Now and Then why the boys didn’t stay together like the girls. His response? “They’re boys.” Like that explained everything. At the time, it actually kind of did. There was a reason the men in the movies I saw didn’t hug or talk about their feelings like the women did. In fact, attempts at intimacy or emotional connection between male characters were either played for laughs or shown as a cautionary tale.

“They’re boys” was the simple answer to a complex problem, but like most moviegoers, I was content to leave it at that.

But now that I’m older I have to ask why? Why are boys expected to sever ties with the people they care about when they grow older? What kind of Wormer Brothers-level havoc does puberty wreak on boys that it seemingly spares girls?

The answer is a lot less mystical than dead bodies or resurrected spirit.

Dude, Where’s My Emotional Intimacy?

Gordie’s line about never having friends like the ones he had when he was twelve isn’t isolated fiction. Boys tend to form closer bonds with other boys in childhood and almost seem to “lose” the ability to later. Sociologist Lisa Wade theorizes that around the ages of fifteen and sixteen teenage boys start learning what it means to “be a real man,” and the feminine-coded traits of friendship do not fall into that ideal.

In her book Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection psychologist Niobe Way followed boys of varying ages over four years to chronicle their views on friendship. Wade highlights a particularly devastating part of her research in which a 15-year-old boy named Justin was asked to describe his feelings towards his best friend at two different parts of his life:

[My best friend and I] love each other… that’s it… you have this thing that is deep, so deep, it’s within you, you can’t explain it. It’s just a thing that you know that person is that person… I guess in life, sometimes two people can really, really understand each other and really have a trust, respect and love for each other.

By his senior year, however, this is what he had to say about friendship:

[My friend and I] we mostly joke around. It’s not like really anything serious or whatever… I don’t talk to nobody about serious stuff… I don’t talk to nobody. I don’t share my feelings really. Not that kind of person or whatever… It’s just something that I don’t do.

Niobe’s interviews with boys are both eye-opening and heartbreaking. At one point she interviewed a freshman named Jason who touted the merits of friendship as having someone to turn to. Three years later she asked Jason if he had any close friends and he “said no and immediately [added] that while he nothing against gay people, he himself [was] not gay.”

Despite popular belief, men actually desire (and need) emotional intimacy just as much as women do. In fact, not having those emotional connections contribute greatly to men’s health problems.

So if men want it, and the lack of it might actually kill them, why can’t they have it?

Heterosexual men are taught that the romantic and sexual relationships they have with women are the only acceptable source of intimacy and closeness they’re allowed to have. That’s often why straight men feel the need to caveat any positive, slightly friendly interaction with another male with “No homo.” Popular belief is that if a guy is showing affection to a person he must want to date or have sex with that person. Hence the word bromance. Know what the female equivalent of a bromance is? A friendship.

Friendship between men is such a delicate walk between ‘just-guys-being-dudes’ and ‘full-on-homo’ that its become almost regulated. Telegraph’s Chris Moss posted a handy guide titled “A fine bromance: the 12 rules of male friendship” that featured such ‘rules’ as this:

Never openly verbalise that you value the friendship. Most men avoid literalness. There’s something vulgar about declaring “how important you are to me”. But there is also a kind of mysticism in never quite affirming that this might just be the second, or even the, central love in your life. Sometimes stating the obvious makes the obvious deteriorate or vanish. So respect the given; you can always weep openly at a friend’s funeral.

Even with the wink-wink-nudge-nudge aspect, it is still depressing to think that men have to edit their feelings in an effort to not make the people they care about uncomfortable. The other day on Twitter a virtual (female) stranger told me she loved me. In line at the checkout at Walgreens, I overheard a man say to his (male) companion “That’s a nice shirt, man. No homo.”

The restrictive range of what’s considered “acceptable” emotions men are allowed to feel are just some of the ways the patriarchy takes a toll on men, and it has real-life harmful effects. Misogyny and homophobia are core driving factors to this epidemic, and what’s worse is that it’s become normalized. One way society is both chronicles and reinforces these unwritten rules of masculinity? Movies.

It’s important to remember that things haven’t always been this way for men. Silver screen blockbusters show us that at some point in time a fella could hug another fella after a shootout without  anyone feeling the need to qualify it with a “No homo.”

So where did it all begin to turn?

Blow Your Wig

Because platonic intimacy between men wasn’t vilified in early years, depictions of strong bonds between men were actively depicted in cinema. In fact, the first same-sex kiss on screen in the 1927 silent film Wings was an entirely platonic kiss between two male infantrymen (Buddy Rogers and Richard Arlen).

Audiences didn’t so much as bat an eye at the kiss. It went on to become a critical success and won the first ever Academy Award for Best Picture.

Another early 20th-century film that highlighted male friendships was the bad boy classic Rebel Without a Cause (1955). Let’s be honest here for a second, folks: James Dean wasn’t that great of an actor, he was just handsome (don’t @ me). That mug put butts in the seats for his performance as Jim Stark, the film’s troubled teenage protagonist just trying to make it. Aside from James Dean’s bad boy good looks the most memorable aspect of the film is Jim’s friendship with even more troubled outcast Plato (Sal Mineo). Jim’s feelings toward Plato take on a paternal tone, helping them both make up for something they lack. For Plato, it’s a stable, loving family. For Jim, it’s a sense of what it means to be a real man. Unusual as their dynamic was people were touched by love and care they shared. That’s further complicated when you look a little harder, but that’s a conversation for another time.

What’s Your Damage?

The 1980s and 1990s gave rise to the timeless buddies trope. Buddy comedies were defined by their “odd couple” approach to hyper-masculine films. Movies like 1988’s Midnight Run took the tried and true formula and flips it on its head, but still stays true to the hyper-masculine-odd-couple trope.

The most popular of this genre is the buddy cop film. The Lethal Weapon franchise (1987) is often credited with starting the movement in films, and sure enough, helped define other films in the genre. You take one by-the-book veteran cop, mix in a younger, more hair-trigger partner, throw in a few explosions and shootouts for maximum masculinity, and bam, you’ve got yourself a buddy cop film.

Because the men themselves were in a profession defined by its hard-shelled masculine nature the characters were allowed—in small doses—a degree of intimacy between one another. You wouldn’t catch Martin cathartically kissing Robert Thelma & Louise-style after one of their many near-death experiences, but the average heterosexual man wouldn’t feel too weirded out over an affectionate clap on the back or mildly fond poses in marketing materials.

The late 80s and early 90s also gave birth to a peculiar kind of cinematic take on male friendships I like to call Feelings Are Gay and Bad.

Unlike the buddy movies of the same decade, these films wielded homoeroticism like an Aesop’s Fable in 35mm. Rather than depict male friendships as the begrudged act of two hardened, red-blooded American males, these films opted to show brutal, all-consuming homoerotic unholy unions that eventually came to screeching—and often deadly—halt. A character who placed his love and care with another man would come to rue it by the film’s end or would learn a valuable lesson about vulnerability.

In Reservoir Dogs the audience watches as Mr. White lovingly cradles a wounded and terrified Mr. Orange in his arms. In between horrifying, blood-soaked scenes in the present we’re privy to Mr. Orange’s secret: he’s an undercover cop working to bust White’s crime ring from the inside. Blissfully ignorant, White soothes and protects him. He even goes so far as to pull a gun on the man in charge for threatening to kill him. After the infamous Mexican stand-off, White crawls over to Orange’s body as the police close in, only to be told Orange is actually a cop. The movie closes in on White’s anguish as the police surround them.

Kathryn Bigelow’s  Point Break (1991) introduced the world to Special Agent Johnny Utah (birth name Heterosexual McManlyman), former football star and current by-the-book FBI agent who goes undercover in a group of adrenaline junkie surfers and becomes dude-smitten with their charismatic leader, Bodhi. The explosions, killer surfing scenes, and the fact that Special Agent Johnny Utahis a former Rose-bowl winner and current gun-wielding badass makes it okay for male audience members to laugh at lines like “We gonna jump or jerk off?”

Nick Schager of The Daily Beast referred to Point Break as “A Homoerotic Classic.” Whether Point Break is a cautionary tale about getting too close or an intentionally subversive homoerotic film a female director remains a hotly contested.

The film adaption of Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire (1994) and David Fincher’s take on the Chuck Palahniuk classic Fight Club (1996) both use their source materials’ explicit homoeroticism to make the story darker and grittier. In Fight Club’s case, this was used in conjunction with what many feminists consider a critique of hypermasculinity, made with the intent to draw straight men to watch and leave rattled. For Interview with the Vampire, while Anne Rice’s intent was clear, some parts had to be altered considerably for consumption.

During this decade films of this kind also started to utilize the Deranged Homosexual trope. Poor, unfortunate heterosexual men would offer their friendship and find themselves in the grips another, obsessed and subtextually sexual man. The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999), another novel-to-film adaptation, takes the time to build up the dynamic between Tom and Dickie from budding friendship to growing obsession until Dickie’s ultimate death at Tom’s hands.

The 80s and 90s weren’t the purgatories of male friendships, though. For every Cable Guy(1996) there was a Sandlot (1993) after all. Still, the trend in media portrayals of male intimacy in films during this era set a particular tone that went virtually unchallenged until the following decade.

Isn’t It Bromantic?

The 2000s were the start of the “exclusively comedy” buddy films. In contrast with buddy films of the 80s that were action films that sometimes featured comedy, the male friendship movies of the 2000s were comedies that sometimes featured action.

The 2000s also saw a rise in the use of the term bromance or bromantic comedy to describe close male friendships. Even the word bromance evokes a mocking callback to romance, self-deprecatingly lampshading the connotations of two men being emotionally intimate. ‘Bromance’ takes the idea that men are emotionally illiterate and incapable of showing care without sexual or romantic inclinations and applies it homosocial relationships. In other words, the word ‘bromance’ pretty much plays itself. So started the attempt to strike a balance between “Fuck yeah, friendship!” and dudebro-ish mocking.

And mock they did. It was as if the homosocially-propelled films of this decade were constantly at war with their desire to show the close bonds men can foster with each other, and their need to assure the men watching it that yes, they know how “gay” the idea sounds.

I call this the “No Homo!™” movement.

When The 40-Year-Old Virgin premiered in 2005 it marketed itself as a raunchy, stupid, over-the-top sex comedy for men. Steve Carell plays Andy Stitzer, the eponymous forty-year-old virgin. After it’s revealed to his friends that he’s never had sex he’s put on a quest to lose his virginity as quickly as possible. This devolves into a series of cheap laughs, dubious sexual situations and, of course, rampant transphobia and homophobia.

The movie focuses on Andy’s quest (spoiler alert: the real loss of virginity was the self-discovery he had along the way!) but the B-plot belongs to two of his friends/bullies: Seth Rogen’s Cal and Paul Rudd’s David. The two spend most of the money bickering and insulting each other by making jabs at who’s “gayest” (“You wanna know how I know you’re gay? You like Coldplay.”) The jokes are cheap and unfunny but are sure-fire ways to get a chuckle out of your standard insecure bro-type.

At the end of the film after Jay apologizes to Andy for pressuring him into losing his virginity the two hug and embrace. In a call back to Cal and David’s game Haziz, their manage, comments snidely:

Haziz: Do you know how I know you guys are gay? You’re holding each other ever so gently.

This allows the film to reassure the audience that despite the lovey-dovey shit that’s just happened this is still a dude film.

Some praised The 40-Year-Old Virgin for “deconstructing the bromance formula,” but when compared to other films in its decade we can see its done nothing of the sort.

After the commercial success of The 40-Year-Old Virgin, we were treated to another Apatow-Rogen bromance film with Superbad (2007). Superbad brought Jonah Hill and Michael Cera together as Seth and Evan (named after writers Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg), two high school seniors desperate to lose their virginity before college. Despite the classic pitfalls—Seth Rogen himself later said jokes in the movie were “blatantly homophobic”—the movie handled the friendship between Seth and Evan with surprising care. During a quiet scene, Seth (drunkenly) confronts Evan about rooming with their mutual friend in college. Evan apologizes and admits he’s afraid to live alone. The two make up and say they love each other, then wonder aloud why they’ve never said they loved each other before.

Evan: I love you. It’s like, why can’t we say that every day? Why can’t we say it more often?

Seth: I just love you. I just wanna go on the rooftops and scream “I love my best friend Evan.”

Sure, they’re drunk and it’s comedic, but the comedy is more about their drunkenness than their love for each other.

At the end of the film the two friends meet up with their respective love interests at a mall and go their separate ways. This reminded me of the end of Stand by Me (and that is the first and last time you’ll hear me compare Stephen King and Rob Reiner to Seth Rogen and Greg Mottola): boys with a fierce bond drifting apart as evidence of their maturity and growth. As if the moment they spent telling each other they loved one another the night before was meaningless.

Seth Rogen, you sonofabitch.

Riding off the rise of Seth Rogen’s bromance comedies came I Love You, Man (2009) which tried to brand itself as the “bromance” movie. The movie set out to answer one question: Why don’t men have friends? The answer was a resounding “Uhhh?”

Peter Klaven (Paul Rudd) goes in search of a best guy friend after realizing he has no one to be his best man at his upcoming wedding. After going on a misfortune of “friend dates” he runs into and befriends smooth con man Sydney Fife (Jason Segal). I Love You, Man starts off as Feelings Are Gay and Bad and ends up a lukewarm reunion that skirts clumsily around the subject of real emotion like Jason Segal on a moped.

The only reason I rip on I Love You, Man is because it truly could have been groundbreaking. At the time it was considered groundbreaking because for once the premise of the movie was about male friendship. Not friendship plus virginity and booze, just friendship. It went even further to prove its progressive cred by introducing Paul’s But-Not-Too-Gay brother Robbie (Andy Samberg) as a shining example of sports-and-meat-loving masculinity. Still, despite its failure to truly commit, I Love You, Man managed to make a bromance film that didn’t rely heavily on sex and slapstick to validate itself as a “guy’s” movie.

Other notable bromance films of this decade like Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000), Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (2004), and The Hangover (2009) also used similar tactics of highlighting friendship and neutralizing the discomfort of seeing intimate male friendships via homophobic language, slapstick comedy, objectification, and more. The self-deprecating overcompensation that defined the movies of his decade was a reflection and reinforcer of America’s evolving feelings towards male intimacy. It was no longer “Don’t be intimate with your male friends” but “Don’t be too intimate with your male friends.”

Men Have Feelings, Too (And That’s Okay)

Things began to subtly shift for bromance movies in the 2010s. Slapstick and Seth Rogen still reign supreme, but now there was a softer and more forgiving edge to it all. Conversations on hypermasculinity and homophobia were propelled into the mainstream to start a national dialogue. The idea of what it means to be a man and what masculinity really means started to change as did their portrayals in film.

“Your average dudebro” is the very demographic that needs to see these kinds of relationships normalized in the first place.

You could argue that Seth Rogen is the kind of bro comedies. He’s produced such nerdboy-testosterone, weed-filled slapsticks as Pineapple Express, Superbad, This is the End, and Game Over, Man! Whether as an actor, director, producer, or writer, Seth Rogen’s name has become synonymous with the kind of obnoxious bro-rock marketing execs don’t even consider women a demographic for.

But I would argue that much of the normalization of intimate male friendships comes from your average Seth Rogen film. Most of the time these are “dumb fun” comedies. That’s not to say other films by other people don’t portray male friendships just as well, but while movies like Magic Mike XXL (2015) are heartwarming examples of the kind of power platonic male intimacy can have they’re not as likely to be watched by your average dudebro. “Your average dudebro” is the very demographic that needs to see these kinds of relationships normalized in the first place.

The 2011 comedy-drama 50/50 cast Seth Rogen as Kyle Hirons, a man watching his best friend Adam (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) undergo chemotherapy. Even though he doesn’t possess the necessary bedside manner he plants himself as Adam’s rock (and wingman) through his treatment. When Adam’s girlfriend cheats on him he angrily confronts her to defend his honor.

The film is at times tone-deaf and crude as any movie starring Seth Rogen and directed by Jonathan Levine is wont to be, but the message at its core is sweet and powerful.

In the controversial Netflix film The Interview (2014), Seth Rogen balances crude humor and James Franco-ness with an almost careful tenderness between the two male leads. During the penultimate scene where Dave and Aaron are preparing to walk to their deaths in order to save North Korea, the two share a quiet, intimate moment together discussing Dave’s hypothetical biography.

Dave: As the two best friends stared into each other in the eyes, they knew that this might be the end of a long road. But they also knew how much they meant to each other. And even though neither one could say it out loud, they were both thinking…

Aaron and Dave: [whispers] I love you.

What shocked me about this scene wasn’t just that two men had said they loved each other in an action-comedy, it was that the scene was played straight. No jokes, no thrown in “No homo!” It didn’t make up for the rest of the film, but it furthered my appreciation for Seth Rogen.

Another unexpected gem in the same vein are the 21 Jump Street movies, specifically its sequel 22 Jump Street. In 22 Jump Street we’re re-introduced to Jenko and Schmidt, who are assigned to go undercover at a college to find out what student has been dealing the drug WHY-PHY. Jenko gets close to a suspect in the investigation–the popular, athletic Rooster–and starts to blow off Schmidt, much to the latter’s dismay.

While Schmidt does spend a not insignificant portion of the film playing a comical version of a scorned lover for audiences to point and laugh it, you can’t knock 22 for trying to tackle a virtually undiscussed issue in male friendships: jealousy. This is pleasantly resolved near the end of the film with Jenko assures Schmidt that he lifts him up—while they’re dangling from a helicopter, but still.

There are plenty of other films from the 2010s that truly flip the script on your standard movie bromance (Due Date [2010], The Green Hornet [2011], and even This is the End [2013] if you’re in the camp of thinking they did rape jokes the right way) but I’d like to wrap up with one that’s dear to me: Seth Rogen’s Neighbors (2014).

On premise alone Neighbors sounds like your run-of-the-mill ignorant bro comedy. Mac and Kelly Radner (Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne) get into a prank war with the Delta Psi Beta fraternity that’s moved next door, headed by Teddy (Zac Efron) and Pete (Dave Franco). The humor is slapstick and borders on gross at times but is absent the casual bigotry that early Rogen/Goldberg films weren’t shy about including. Of note is Pete and Teddy’s relationship. It’s revealed that Pete slept with Teddy’s girlfriend, and even though this causes bad blood between the two Teddy still sacrifices himself when the police show up to spare Pete’s bright future.

Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising (2016), though, by far takes the cake for the best of the two. It opens on the old Delta Psi brothers assisting Pete’s boyfriend Darren in a Jason Mraz-inspired proposal. Having peaked in college, Teddy lives on Pete and his boyfriend’s couch. This comes to an end after the proposal and the two friends having a falling out, prompting Teddy to leave in search of a place to feel wanted. When crashing with the Radners doesn’t work out he moves on to a struggling sorority.

The decision to make Pete bisexual (or gay) was a conscious one suggested by writer Evan Goldberg and reporter asking director Nicholas Stoller why he’s never had gay characters in his films.

At the end of the film, Teddy and Pete make up in time for Teddy to plan and be the best man at his wedding. Before walking Pete down the aisle Teddy stops to give him a pep talk:

Teddy: You all right? You seem really nervous.

Pete: I’m having a little bit of a meltdown.

Teddy: Just remember, man, Darren loves you more than anyone in the entire world- Darren cherishes his friendship with you. Darren can’t imagine his life without you. And Darren is proud to call you his best friend.

Pete: You’re not talking about Darren, are you?

Teddy: No, not really.

The humor stays intact and without the expense of losing intimacy. Teddy is even allowed to tear up with pride and happiness for his best friend in full view of the camera before the scene is over.

And you still get a poop joke.

A movie that utilizes Seth Rogen, Zac Efron, and Dave Franco and a plethora and copy-and-paste frat bros to chastise against using misogynistic slurs (“Don’t call them hoes. That’s not cool anymore.”) and normalize gay love is a feat in and of itself. You could argue that the movie tries a little too hard to seem progressive and open-minded (at one point Teddy helps the sorority throw a Feminist Icon Party that features three different Hillary Clinton costumes) but the effort is genuine and appreciated. The film doesn’t equate masculinity with misogyny and homophobia. It allows their funny frat bros to show vulnerability and care for one another in a way that promotes laughter but doesn’t mock.

The expected bro humor isn’t sacrificed in favor of these progressive elements either. There are women in bikinis, babies holding sex toys, and unnecessary dick and poop comedy. All the elements that define a sleazy bro comedy but without the sleaze.

These movies are important to show that men being vulnerable and caring about one another doesn’t have to be something shameful, or something that comes with rules, or something that should be laughed at. Looking back on the up-and-down progression of these portrayals is at times hilarious, but are mostly sobering and sad. We should promote and support portrayals intimate male friendships in media to normalize the concept of platonic male intimacy.

So, straight men, go. Re-watch Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle or The Shawshank Redemption and consider telling a friend they’re important to you. You might never have friends like the ones you had when you were twelve but it’s never too late to find that kind of bond again.