#but. also no. I've just spent way too much time learning to play the piano.

[eisthenameofme]

The limitations of having to work with a human body that requires energy are deeply frustrating

[dorkus-mcdingus]

A random list of TWST HCs in no particular order

(Keep in mind they can range from general, fluffy, or angsty)

- Sam is bilingual but he speaks the Port O' Bliss (Louisiana) Dialect of French. He also would call Crowley a coullion/couyon (don't know the proper spelling. Sorry!) under his breath whenever that old crow is just yapping instead of paying for his order.

- Malleus had his mind blown when he first heard about milkshakes. I mean you can drink ice cream?! THROUGH A STRAW?! 🤯

- The only time you will ever hear Crewel call himself "daddy" is whenever he gets caught baby talking towards his dogs. Not that he has any shame in doing it.

- Jamil would slip into his mother tongue whenever he gets SUPER pissed off (it's not often when he does but 0/10 would not recommend you do it)

- I pretty much HC a good majority of the twst cast to be bilingual or know a few languages depending on where they come from. Although if they're from the Queendom of Roses, I mainly see them being monolingual but have the ability to read other languages.

- Rollo has vivid nightmares about his brother's death and how he ultimately blames himself for what happened. It's so bad to where the poor boy would rather not fall asleep so he won't see the visions again. The best sort of night is where he doesn't dream. There's nothing but the black void when he closes his eyes.

- I feel like Lilia would be sad hearing the song "Army Dreamers" because it would remind him so much of the war and the many soldiers that died serving Briarland. They were someone's child after all.

- Speaking of Lilia, he can turn on the old soldier voice and it's the one way he knows how to scare the shit out of some of the former soldiers that served with him. However, he would say

"I've spent so long playing soldier that I'm kind of tired of it."

If you ask him why he stopped using that voice. God... Malleus, Silver, and Sebek did a number on that old man.

- If I were to make a guess on Gidel's age, I think he would be around 9 or 10 years old. So it's safe to say that Fellow probably found him when he was either in his late teens or early twenties. Though, I'm more leaning on early twenties for this.

- I got PLENTY of hcs surrounding those two but much like most of the cast, Fellow himself is bilingual and learned the common language through his travels (mother tongue is Italian of course). Despite his limited education, he does try to help Gidel learn how to read and write as best as he can. Gidel is also his biggest priority. I don't think he really minds what happens to him as long as Gidel is happy, has food in his stomach, and his clothes are well mended but Gidel in turn knows how much Fellow has been suffering for their sake.

- Gidel also understands Italian but also the common language as well. Due to his limitations with reading and writing, one of the ways he is able to overcome the barrier when it comes to communication is miming or nodding and shaking his head. Sometimes what he's trying to say does get lost in translation but he and Fellow have such a tight knit bond that his big brother can understand him perfectly and can translate what he's saying if someone is having difficulty understanding him. He is a very streetwise kid underneath that adorable smile but is also a rather sensitive individual and can feel when someone is in pain or unhappy especially if it's Fellow

- A favorite story of our favorite scheming duo is "The Emperor's New Clothes"

- Yuu/MC has a tradition of welcoming the Halloween guest characters as honorary members of Ramshackle Dorm by making them perform a hazing ritual of having them take care of Grim when it's his bath time. Grim's a little bastard about it too especially towards Fellow and Rollo (I'm unsure about Skully but I'll update once the event is complete).

- Azul is the worst person to play Monopoly against

- I feel like the Tweels would sing a jazzy version of "People = Shit" with Azul playing the piano but the more he heard the two chaos gremlins sing, the more he wanted to crawl into an octopus pot

- Pre-overblot Riddle would definitely have a stroke reading The Cat in the Hat especially since the moral is that sometimes a little rule breaking is fine as long as it doesn't go too far

- If you think Azul is the most annoying person to play Monopoly against, Ace would know all the ways to piss you off in Uno. I think the first years playing Uno would be both one hilarious sight to witness but also the worst because of how much those boys are going to be fighting with each other.

- Despite Grim saying he's not a cat, his cuddles and purrs can soothe one's soul despite how much he's a little bastard most of the time. It's little moments like these where the MC thinks it's worth it putting up with his attitude and his black hole of a stomach

- Dylla was definitely a delinquent in her youth and the apple didn't fall far from the tree when it came to her son. Although her son may struggle in terms of academics, the fact that Deuce is trying to clean up his act and reform is something that always makes her swell with pride.

- If Maleanor were still alive, she would've been the CUTEST grandma! Although I do think that the fact that her son is close friends with a human does make her feel uneasy because she doesn't want him to get hurt like how humans have hurt her. Although I do also think that Lilia would often visit her grave and tell her of the many milestones that happened to him and her son.

- Despite the fact that Trein's daughters are all grown up, they still keep in contact with their father to make sure he's doing okay and their conversations can get LONG but I don't think the professor minds at all. Any time he spends with his children whether he's home or on a call, he treasures it.

- I feel like knowing that Crowley likes wild game and Vargas himself is a hunter, I wouldn't be surprised if he took the headmage on a hunting trip. I also think that Vargas would give the fur to Crewel if he needs some material. The man may be a muscle head but he's not wasteful when it comes to hunting for game meat.

[ghosty-schnibibit]

alright, so, now that i am not an incandescent ball of fury:

i was extremely disappointed with go2 and downright angry about the way it concluded. i've already read some excellent posts by other lovely people that articulate some of my grievances really well (which sadly i can't link here or the site will eat this post entirely) but i want to add my own to the pile. if you enjoyed the season then more power to you, but i very much did not.

after this post i won't be complaining about s2 again or really posting anything about it at all, positive or negative, and will probably just block the tag entirely. like i said in my much shorter vent post last night, i just want to get all of my negativity out in one go and then pretend it doesn't exist. with that out of the way:

the pacing was terrible. the plot went in circles around itself and the mystery was handled so poorly that it somehow managed to be too convoluted and too simple at the same time. we spent five entire episodes wondering what was going on only to have it resolved by an exposition dump of about five minutes. the mini-sodes ground multiple episodes to a halt and squandered the majority of the season's runtime on pointless fanservice that cheapened some of the previous season's most emotional moments, runtime that could have been better spent setting up the gabriel mystery or developing literally any of the new characters introduced. speaking of which,

the new characters were pointless. nina and maggie were given no characterization beyond being pale expies of az and crowley, and the fact that a substantial part of the b-plot revolved around them makes this even more apparent. i do not remember the name of the angel pretending to be a constable and i don't care enough about them to look it up, they had literally no plot significance whatsoever. same goes for the processing demon from the third episode. the flip with jax from being a somewhat neutral character to a big bad in a party city wig felt like a failed attempt to recapture some of what made hastur and ligur work in the previous series.

gabriel and beelzabub. their relationship was unbelievable and clashed so heavily with their previous characterizations. i called it from the first episode and dreaded its conclusion right up to the finale. they feel like an ill-thought parody of ineffable husbands pulled out of an enemies-to-lovers crackfic. every romantic moment in the last episode was insipid and cloying, and them getting a consequence free happy ending retroactively cheapened the stakes of the previous season. it honestly felt like the writers just wanted to mash their dolls together.

aziraphale's character was assassinated and crowley was basically just there to play the hits. both of them were flanderized to the moon and back, but poor aziraphale got the worst of it. all of his character development from the previous season was thrown out the window in order to give us the big angsty conclusion set-up for a third season. they were both utterly flattened and i feel so bad for michael and david, they were clearly doing the best with what they were given but what they were given was just plain bad.

most of the humor and warmth from the book and the previous season were just… gone. no narrator, only one or two comedic asides from the title cards, a total of maybe three minutes of queen music across the whole thing (and most of that a piano cover), and a whole lot of little stylistic touches that went by the wayside and left the world feeling a bit hollow. also the comedy in this season was much more reliant on a "hey, aren't the characters acting so silly right now? aren't they failing at looking/acting normal? isn't that funny?" style of humor than on the wit and subtle satire of the first.

it was nothing but set up for a third season. learning this after finishing the season did not make me feel better about any of it, but it does explain a bit why it felt like all set up and no pay off. i have zero confidence about the ship being righted in a potential s3 that we likely will not see for many years (if at all, i'm already hearing murmurs about the show getting axed).

so that's basically it. i'll reiterate that if you enjoyed this season then i have no beef with you; your opinions are your own and, while i have no desire to have a dialogue about them, i respect them. but the original good omens book was very personally meaningful to me, as was its adaptation in s1, and this poorly thought out continuation has disappointed and saddened me to the point that i feel like i don't want to engage with the fandom in its wake.

[aurosoky]

Meet Alix!

✦ Species: Gummorph

✦ Height and weight: 160cm/5'3'', 55kg/121lb

✦ Likes: Playing the piano, watching movies, fashion, sour gummies, listening to unpopular music, the color green, meeting new people

✦ Dislikes: Crowds, nosey people, rain, mirrors, the dreams

✦ Personality: Alix in a girl to intense for her own good! She loves being around people, but is way too busy being an alien on Earth to actually form any healthy connections. Though she learns at a much quicker pace than humans do, when it comes to emotional and affective maturity, she's got a way longer path ahead than what she'd like to admit. Being a hopeless romantic, it's hard to find her not crushing awfully bad on someone. She loves nerding out with her friends and making music with her band, where she's the keyboard.

✦ Fun facts: She's studying Audiovisual Communication in college. She finds stereotypical alien paraphernalia hilarious and collects items with 👽 on them (and also cows). She has a fake hair dying routine memorized for when people ask her how she keeps her hair so pink all the time.

✦ Story: Alix landed (or rather, crashed) on earth when she was 8. She was found with no memories or belongings other than an alien space suit that's now too small for her and her Alien Antennae Muters (as she's called them). The person who found her was a boy who's older half-sister happened to be an acclaimed biologist. She decided to adopt Alix and conceal her to avoid... certain things Alix doesn't like to think about.

Although she was able to catch up with most human societal norms and eventually attend school thanks to some string pulling from her caregiver, Alix has spent most of her life in the dark about her alien features, having found out about most of her abilities by accident as she grew and not from the get go. Tired of screaming for answers into the void, she's decided to stop wondering about mysteries so much and just live life as well as she can. She's grown used to camouflaging for enough time a day for her to be able to finally move to the city and attend college, and, who knows, she might be able to find someone who's both hot and fine with not knowing much about your partner's life there. Hopefully.

.

Lore dump post that took way longer than it had any business doing! Anyway, here she is, my OC Alix! She's really important to me and I've been trying to figure both her and her story for about a year by now, so a lot has changed through time, but this is the info that is 100% canon so far. Excuse the weird grammar choices. I'ts late af.

[realmadridfamily]

Luna Serrat, granddaughter of Joan Manuel Serrat, the new artist in the family.

"I would say I am very intuitive and emotional, but at the same time I am very rational and hardworking. It's a bit of a contradictory mix, but lately it has brought me good things."

This is how Luna Serrat, the eldest granddaughter of Joan Manuel Serrat, describes herself, and decided to change course and become the new artist in the family. She studied journalism and audiovisual communication. Also worked in music radio, but at some point she realized that it didn't make her happy. Now she is pursuing her dream of being an actress, while exploring her literary soul by composing songs.

Luna, why did you choose to study journalism? How did you realize that it wasn't for you? From a young age we hear : "studies are the path to a career", "the more opportunities you have, the better", "do internships", "do a master's degree", "go abroad", "learn languages", "become independent" etc. The idea of ​​not doing it terrifies you. And I did it all: two degrees, three years of internships, a master's degree, lived in three countries. And then what? Why I'm not happy? I started thinking about it and I noticed that the best moments, when I was the happiest, were spent in art, painting, singing, monologues in front of the mirror, playing the piano, writing … and I decided! I started studying interpretation and singing and it's definitely the best decision of my life. Now I don't live in another country, I don't have my own apartment, nor a fixed salary every month, but I am happy, I have fun, I go to bed and wake up smiling. I think that is what success is.

Because your dream is to be an actress and you are preparing for it … That's how it is. I've already done two years of studying at a drama school, in the meantime I'm learning singing and playing the piano and guitar.

Is it something you've always had inside you? Yes, absolutely. Sometimes I feel like I'm a little late. It would have saved me a lot of frustration if I had found this path as a child. Because I felt like I didn't fit in, but how could I? In my school, all I had was literature or science. Journalism (music journalism, which is what I majored in) was a way for me to get closer to the art world without actually doing it. It was a cowardly way to not stray too far from what made me happy.

Coming from a family of artists, do you think it was natural for you to follow that path? Natural? I don't know what would be natural. Of course, everyone should do what they want and make their own decisions. Luckily, they always gave me the opportunity to choose my future and taught me that life has many beginnings and I can start over as many times as I want. That's how it was.

Would you also like to try your luck in the world of music, as a singer? I've always said no, but that "no" came with a lot of uncertainty that I'm thankfully slowly getting over. So maybe yes. I don't know.

You often post literary quotes on your Instagram profile. Do you like writing? Yes! I'm passionate about it. It's therapeutic for me. I love writing songs.

Have you already had the opportunity to work on any projects as an actress? I hope you see something soon. I believe and hope so.

Theater, cinema, or television? Which acting world attracts your attention the most? The world of acting is so full of choices! Being able to make a living from this is more than enough for me.

Did your aunt Candela give you any advice on this? Yes, she helps me prepare for castings when I get stuck. I admire her a lot and her criticism matters a lot to me. She is a good coach.

Your family will have supported you in your decision … Absolutely, in this and all. They don't express much opinion either, they just accompany me.

When you say that you are the granddaughter of such a beloved artist as Joan Manuel Serrat … how do people react? This isn't something I always say. Not without reason, but I think it's better to be discreet in everything in life, and it's worked out well for me.

Are you sad that he decided to retire from the stage? Yes, a little. But like I said, just as my family has no opinion on my decisions, I have no opinion on theirs. Like them, I limit myself to accompanying them.

Which of his songs always accompanies you? Lucía, Mediterráneo, Paraules d’amor …

Has he encouraged you to follow in his footsteps and dedicate yourself to music? He encourages me to do anything that makes me happy. What could a grandfather want more than the happiness of his grandchildren?

Another of your traits is influence. In fact, you have almost sixty thousand followers… What do social media mean to you? Honestly, I am quite ungrateful to the social media and I should reconcile with them. I criticize them a lot because they are not a faithful reflection of real life, but it's true that they have given me a lot of good. They have given me friends, experiences, and most importantly, they have given me a job that allowed me to pay for my studies.

[mrbexwrites]

OC Interview

Tagged here by the awesome @duckingwriting and I'll pass it into @finickyfelix @spideronthesun @clearcloudlesssky @mjjune @thescatteredscribbles and leaving an open tag for anyone who wants to join in! I've done a few of these, but I figured it's time for Anton to get his time in the limelight. He started off as a background character in a throwaway scene, but has managed to muscle his way into the main cast. He's sneaky like that!

Are you named after anyone?: "No. I named myself after I became a demon. Who I was before...it doesn't matter."

When was the last time you cried?: "I had a movie night after a long week at work. Watched Atonement. Never again. I bawled like a baby. Don't tell anyone. Mavis especially; otherwise, I'll never live it down..."

Do you have kids?: "Not biologically. I have bred a lot of cats over the centuries, and they're my fur-babies. I also spend a lot of time with Mavis. With two-hundred plus years of experience on her, when I have to work with her, it's like babysitting. So I guess in a way, she counts. But don't tell her I said that. She'll be in a mood otherwise."

Do you use sarcasm a lot?: "Not really. Sarcasm goes over most people's heads. A devastating put-down or witty comeback is far more effective."

What's the first thing you notice about people?: "If they're a threat; do they have a weapon hidden somewhere, how light they look on their feet, how much attention they're paying to their surroundings? I take all of that in, make an assessment, and move first if I have to. It's my job to keep Arnauld safe.

What's your eye colour?: "Blue."

Scary movies or happy endings?: "I like a rom-com to wind down to after a long week of work. Scary movies (by Hollywood standards at least!) are pretty tame, and too much like work. Hostel, Saw franchise...pfft! They've got nothing on a week in Hell!"

Any special talents?: "I've bred award-winning ragdoll cats for almost a century now. I can crush a human's skull between my hands, and I can fix pretty much everything. Special enough for you?"

Where were you born?: "In a small village just outside of Dubrovnik. It was the summer of 1775. Don't ask for a more exact date than that. "

Do you have any pets?: "I have my two cats; Domagoj, who is a ginger tomcat, and Božica, my little sweetheart. She's just had a litter of kittens, so I have an army of babies, and a new generation of champions to take to cat-fancy shows!"

What sort of sports do you play?: "I like fishing. I box from time to time, and lift weights. I spent a lot of time in the gym. These weapons don't build themselves." Editor's note: Of course he's flexing and trying to put on a gun show. Tone it down Anton! Jeez!!

How tall are you?: "6ft 4inches. I can reach the top shelf if you need me to."

What was your favourite subject in school?: "I didn't go to school. My family weren't rich enough. I've learned to read over the centuries. I think I would have liked reading when I was a child. I can play the piano as well. I hated music lessons when I was human, but I wish I'd stuck with it more."

What is your dream job?: "I work it already; I get to protect the people I care about, and crush the skulls of people I don't. And I get paid to do it. What's not to love!"

Blank questions below the cut for easy copy/pasta:

Are you named after anyone?:

When was the last time you cried?:

Do you have kids?:

Do you use sarcasm a lot?:

What's the first thing you notice about people?:

What's your eye colour?:

Scary movies or happy endings?:

Any special talents?:

Where were you born?:

Do you have any pets?:

What sort of sports do you play?:

How tall are you?:

What was your favourite subject in school?:

What is your dream job?:

[shytastemakerthing]

Hello! May I have a matchup for Enstars/Twst/FNAF/Poppy Playtime please? (One of the four, of your choice because I can't decide 😅) I'd like it to be romantic.

I'm an INTJ and I kin Shu+Kanata

I really like mint-flavored things and have a high spice tolerance.

I really like Lolita style and dollcore. I sew but I keep losing motivation to finish my projects 😔

I also draw, but only bjds. I am crap at drawing anything else.

I listen to Vocaloid (mostly Kikuo), Vivaldi, and Enstars songs most often.

I find it hard to communicate with people so I make squeaking/chirping noises instead, which have been described by my mother as catlike.

I daydream a lot and I'm not too good at listening to people talk since I zone out a lot.

I can speak English, Mandarin, and Cantonese fluently. I can also read Japanese, but not speak or write it. I translate Enstars stories and fanfics for a friend sometimes.

I like singing and used to play piano and violin. Most of my time is spent on playing video games and reading fanfiction.

I don't understand internet vocabulary very well and get confused when people reference memes. I've been told that my writing style makes me seem like an old lady.

Also I live with four cats: Tohru, who belongs to my brother, Fräulein, Boo, and Billie. I am kind of a cat magnet? Fräulein and Boo do not cuddle up to anyone but me. In fact, Fräulein runs when people other than me go near her.

Regardless of whether you take this request or not, thank you for reading this, Shy. Have a wonderful day.

A/N: Hello and thank you so much for your request and for your patience as well, it has been very much appreciated! I chose to do an Enstars match-up for this request so I hope that you like it! Have a wonderful day/night!

Request: Romantic Match-up, Enstars chosen

I match you with.........

Shu Itsuki

As someone whose favorite characters happen to be both Shu and Kanata, this was very hard for me to choose between the both of them, but Shu ended up being our winner!

(Also, can we take a moment to appreciate just how beautiful Shu looks in the Acanthe outfit??? Like, darling please)

First things first, be prepared to be a model for anything that he happens to be making at the time, everything about you is just perfect for it

Especially after seeing your usual type of style

.....it is only merely coincidence that some of the clothes he is now making are more catered to your style

.....Yes.... coincidence indeed

Listen, you just look so wonderful in them and seeing each creation adorning your figure only adds to the drive to make even more of them

Meaning he will also help in any way to get your creative drive going once again should you find yourself in a slump

How about a nice trip to Paris?

You are sure to find wonderful inspiration there, he certainly has

Will absolutely spoil you

Look, he never thought that he would have a partner one day. Between his work and duties with his unit, it never really crossed his mind

He might be a little overwhelming at first but he's learning, just help him out a little here and he'll have it down pretty quick

He could (and has) listen to your voice for hours on end

It is just so soothing to him, especially after a rather long day

Sing him a lullaby and he'll fall right asleep, man works himself way too hard

Perhaps you'd like to appear in Valkyrie from time to time?

Mika will 100% come to you when Shu is too into his work and hasn't eaten or taken a break

You're the only one he listens to with that

Just show up at the doorway and he already knows

Time to tuck the overworked and exhausted boy into bed.... chances are you're there too, he clings in his sleep (as much as he refuses to admit to it)

Thank you so much for your request!

[jseobsky]

Rant destroying the phrase "he talked one octave lower"

w/c: 711 words.

okay I gotta confess something- my biggest fanfic and books pet peeve is when they say their voice goes an octave (even worse if it's more than one octave) lower or higher, HAVE Y'ALL TRIED IT?! I mean talking one octave low doesn't seem that bad (even though I've tried going one octave lower than my talking voice and it's impossible for me to talk like that) BUT WHEN THEY SAY THAT SOMEONE'S VOICE IS LIKE THREE OCTAVES LOWER- bro- no 😭😭😭 Like just to put it into perspective 😍😍 let's say that someone (like me) talks around G3 (G/Sol is the note, 3 is the octave it plays) If I were to talk three octaves lower I would talk in G0, fine right 😍😍 WELL NO BECAUSE NOT EVEN A GUITAR BASS GOES THAT LOW😭

Telling you why down below 😘

To put it into kpop perspective. If I were to talk one octave lower, I would be talking into stray kid's Felix deep voice range. AND if I were to talk three octaves lower I would be talking two octaves lower than Felix's deep voice. Talk about talking like a demon.

(plus if Felix's were to talk three octaves lower , that's the example that made me write this, he would be talking around the octave -1 and the octave 0, which is ✨😍not possible😍✨)

Let's talk higher now, since I've also seen some examples. Going back to me, I talk around G3, if I were to go one octave higher that would be on my singing range, for example Violeta by Iz*one is in G major so to give an approximate idea on how high it would be, I would be talking in the range where they sing most of the pre-chorus (fun fact the "violeta" that goes to the chorus the "vio" part is in G4, the things you learn when you want to prove a point)

I can talk in that voice, sure, but let's look the three octaves higher 😍 Remember, my talking voice: around G3. Singing: can go to G4. But how does G6 sound like? 😱😍🤟

Remember playing in those kid pianos that are kinda big and you feel like a piano master playing random keys. Just me? Or remember those electric pianos that your music teacher, if you had one, had that you always wanted to just play one note for the funzies? Those pianos are usually between two kinds, a 49 key piano and a 61 key piano.

What octaves does each piano has? Well a 49 key piano has a range between C2 to C6. While a 61 key piano has a range between C2 to C7. (we're going to ignore the fact that the lowest note, the one you played at the end that sounded so deep after playing each note is higher then my three-octaves-lower-voice) So basically, my now three octaves higher voice would be that annoying note at the end of a 49 key piano that sounds so high you wanna punch someone (totally not bcs I'm autistic and hate high pitch noises)

Again, kpop perspective. Ateez's Junho high note in wonderland (the end high part on kingdom) is a B5... A B... FIVE, I would be talking 5 tones HIGHER than that. WJSN's Yeonjung hits a G5 in secret, so does Chuu in hi high, both just one octave lower than G6.

I looked up the highest kpop high notes, as of 2018-03-17 a video made by DareDB KPop Classic gave some examples of the highest notes sung by a female kpop idol, there are some examples on the G6, but it's mostly just trying to hit the note not holding it for a little. However I discovered something 😍😍😍 Shannon in masked singer hits a G6 singing to Mariah Carey's song "Emotions"

While I know and acknowledge that this is usually written from a place of either exaggeration, metaphor, or not knowing how much that is, I'm just a little shit who likes to question everything and hate on small things😘 You do you while I do I, I'll keep writing "their voice got lower" while you'll keep writing a thing that's not realistic/hj😘😘

Anyways thanks for coming to my Ted talk, I spent way too much time on this. Bye.

[pick-me-up-im-scared]

Get To Know Me(-ish)

I was thinking I could answer some typical “get to know me” questions, if anyone’s interested in reading them. If not, I’ve just done it for myself, I guess. Anyway, I’ve found these on Google. Let me know if there’s someone to credit! (prepare for me babbling on about completely useless stuff)

What's your name? Julianna (but I´m open for any nicknames, especially "my little ps5 cooling fan")

How old are you? I turned 23 this year. Yep, I´m having an internal crisis

What's your sexuality? I will say bisexual for now. But there´s a VERY high chance I'll change it to 100% lesbian. Like, right know girls are the only thing that interests me.

What I love the most about myself? I´m very kind and loyal. It could be seen as something bad, ik. But I´m trying to not let people use it against me. I also believe I'm a good listener, which is somethings I'm proud about. I'd also like to think I could make a boring task funny, like grocery shopping or doing the dishes.

What I dislike the most about myself? I have a pretty bad temper, I blame it on my dad. If I'm pissed, don´t even bother trying to calm me down. Just give me a few minutes to myself and I'll be back. But that leads me into the next thing I hate about myself, I hold onto things for waaaay to long. If someone did something bad 5 years ago you better believe I still think about it. I´m also stubborn and think about other people´s opinion SOMETIMES, but let's not focus on that. I like to believe I just need to find "the right person" to pull me out of that mindset...

What are your favorite movies? This is suuuuuch a hard fucking hard questions for someone who enjoys movies like I do. And I’m not saying it in a “I like to watch movies like every other fucking person on this planet”, I mean I’m like sooo invested you wouldn’t even want to go see a movie with me. There’s no such thing as talking while the movie is playing. I even pay attention to the small things the actors do to make their role more “truthful”………yeah, I’m a maniac.

Anyways, I won’t even try to list all the movies I like or else we’d be here for YEARS! But two movies I can rewatch the second the credits starts to roll is either Once Upon A Time In Hollywood or The Dark Knight. But I also enjoy kids movies a little than I should…….but that’s a whole other story.

What's your favorite song? If the previous question was hard, then this is on fucking Viagra. I listen to sooo much music with such a variety. Like I listen to every genre there is! But I’ll give you three songs I haven’t grown tired of yet, even though I have them on repeat 24/7:

José Feliciano - California Dreaming

The Strokes - Repitila

Justin Bieber - Hard To Face Reality

What are your hobbies? I´m trying to make myself busy with literally anything. I can't stand the thought of not being productive (doesn't stop me from laying in bed, watching youtube for hours!). So basically anything productive. Drawing, some sculpturing (nothing professional, calm down), very rarely write (obviously, I haven´t been updating this blog for like ages!). Recently I've been trying to learn how to play the piano AND electric guitar (ik, you can give me your number after the show).

Do you plan your outfits? Yeah, way more than I think anyone who sees me thinks. Idk how many nights I've spent, planning out in my head the outfit for the next day. Even if you see me wearing sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt you better believe that t-shirt wasn't the first one I tried on. Even if I´m going to the fucking hospital I can´t wear socks that doesn't match with the rest of the outfit...

The meaning behind my username? Tbh, I just started thinking of random stuff, like "sayings" that doesn't sound too...cringe? Then the Patrick meme of him in a knitted sweater with the writing "Mom, can you pick me up? I´m scared" (or something like that) popped into my head. I rephrased it a little before checked if it was taken, and it wasn't.

Any addition? Vanilla Coke or/and Dr Pepper (apart from my huge cocaine addiction), like I´m obsessed. Ik it sounds sooo dramatic, but if I had a no limit access to either of those sodas I'd die of diabetes in a week. If you want to get in my pants, just buy me a can and I'll get on my knees and propose to you.

Turn ons? I could say something like "eyes" and "hands", but I'll say some features I don´t think are AS common, but I go craaazy for. One of them would be scars. I can't explain to you how fucking kneebendingly HOT I think scars are. Idc if it's from acne, self harm or an actual injury. It's. So. Fucking. Attractive! People who's self contious about their scars, hit me up!

Second thing I find really attractive is backs, idk why but I just find them so ecstatically pleasing especially filled with scratches of my nails.

Turn offs? People who's playing hard to get or think they're hot shit! I've spend too much of my teenage years chasing those type of assholes. And people who think people like that, wtf is wrong with you? I'd have a nerdy sweetheart everyday of the week! These fuckboy-type of behavior needs to be stopped, istg. If you like me, tell me that! (also, I need that clarification every now and then, otherwise I'll think you despise me...)

What skill would you most like to learn? To be able to comprehend any social situations without wanting to blow my brains out. I´m the worse when it comes to socializing, like overall. Doesn't matter if it's my relatives or complete strangers, I'll dig my nails so hard into palms inside my pockets. People who can start having a random discussion with someone on the streets, or blend in with their partner´s family first time they meet them PURLEY amaze me. I wanna be like them sooo bad.

Favorite ice cream flavor? I will say just plain vanilla, CAUSE if a brand is good the flavoring doesn't need to be so complicated (to slap). The brands who has these crazy flavor combinations are usually doing it to try and conceal their shitty ice cream *cough* Ben & Jerry *cough*. But if I wouldn't choose that I'd probably be something super childish, like "rainbow bubblegum cotton candy confetti".

Dogs or cats? I know the lesbian community will throw me out, but I 100% choose dogs. Idc what you say, cats are satans creation!

Favorite quote? "When you're having a bad day, don´t forget you're ugly too"

Favorite sport? I´m not really into sports. I was never an athletic kid. But whenever there´s pingpong on tv, I'm in a trance. Like I'll spend HOURS watching that shit without even knowing the rules.

[becca-alexa]

tea or coffee: Neither! I'm really not into drinking anything hot in general - tea, coffee, cider, whatever. I like my drinks cold, but even then, I don't drink tea or coffee. Tea, because it all tastes like leaves to me. Coffee, because it just tastes burnt. I didn't grow up drinking either one so I never developed a taste for it, I guess.

dogs or cats: I've had neither, but I would have to pick dog purely for the fact that I'm terribly allergic to cats - like, my face swells up like a balloon and bruises like a peach kind of allergic. I actually have a turtle, so I guess the most honest answer for this would also be neither? Reptiles are the chillest pets, y'all - if you're willing to put in the work they're great.

can you play an instrument? I spent a few years learning classical guitar in my teens but that didn't last because it got boring - been trying to pick the guitar back up, though! Used to play piano as a kid, too, but that's neither here nor there lol

what’s your sign? Pisces 🐟

favorite lyrics that pop into your head? "I feel like everybody's singing out of tune (I feel so blue)" / "I feel like I can't help but always be so blue (keep pulling through)" / "But in the end I know I must keep pulling through" / "And brace myself for all the hell-like petals on the moon" - Petals on the Moon by Wasia Project

do you have tattoos? No, sadly 😔

favorite place you’ve ever traveled? Getting to see my grandpa's childhood home in Brazil was probably the best place I've traveled to... I've been to Japan but that wasn't the best time for MANY reasons - I would totally want to go again, though!

what’s the last movie you watched? Honest to God, I don't remember 😩

what languages do you speak? I grew up learning Brazilian Portuguese and English at the same time - I guess Portuguese would TECHNICALLY be first? Either way, I can speak both at the same level, so it's fine 💗

do you have any hobbies? Writing, reading, bookbinding, listening to music, sleeping, cooking, begrudgingly using my treadmill to keep from melting into my office chair, sewing, crochet (barely), and collecting romance novels, for the most part

you can hang out with one fictional character for an hour, who do you choose? I want to default to Eddie or Steve, but I feel like I'd get along better with like Robin or Argyle -- in a past life, I would have chosen like Martian Manhunter or Teal'c

compliment yourself: You're doing things! You're doing what you didn't think you could! Look at you! Baby steps, bbygurl you've been through a lot and you're doing so much more 💗

---

thank you for the tag @i-me-mine 💗💗💗💗💗💗

tagging as I would love to read your answers (no pressure, as always): @aftermidnightwriting @prettyblondguys @eddiemunsons-missingnipple @munsonswife @navnae @niceboyeds and anyone who would like to do it too!

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

just a little harp strung wrong

I sanded this thing down once

painted it and then applied a varnish

the strings aren't for a harp

still quite haven't learned how to tune it

still not quite satisfied with any of it

but I'm still happy it exists just the same

likely a biological need in my human design

to have a harp considering all the symbolism

I was never able to play an instrument

hard to develop rhythm when you're always hiding

or trying to fit a misshapen role or trying to run away

I had a piano teacher tell my mother she gave up

after seven years because she couldn't teach me anything

I never felt safe enough to practice

never felt safe enough to make mistakes

always yelled at for trying to play badly

if it didn't come naturally and quickly

I had a real bad habit of abandoning it completely

still the ghost of a bad habit I feel inside me

when things flow smoothly toward my way

but I'm learning I'm learning

I have this tool that burns into wood

maybe I could figure out a pattern

there's something missing and I hate it

no depth to the design or maybe I want to burn something

maybe I could put the right kinds of strings on it

maybe I could finally learn to tune it

it'd be nice to have a friend to play with when I sing

wouldn't be the first time I've been called a harpy

and I like how I get to hug it to my chest to play

it's really comforting and solid in a way

I'm packing up boxes and I found this harp

next to a mandolin I got the day something happened

never played the mandolin but I do remember

buying the mandolin on a really really bad day

and mandolins sound like quick dappling sunlight

a worthy channeling for my hyperkinetic energy

if I'd just myself down long enough to play

now I can't remember the reason for the bad day

just remember buying the mandolin

I'm sure it had something to do with my mother

but she's dead to me and the mandolin is here

being put into another box to run away

maybe my life is a bunch of boxes I've packed

and never quite felt safe enough to unpack

the next place I go I'll make it a point to do it

to get everything out and give it a warm place

treat it as thought I'm staying

even though you can never know

where you're staying and where you'll go

I need to learn how to play the mandolin too

it also has the wrong strings

I just kind of made do with the ones I found around

collecting instruments but never learning how to play

stringing them resourcefully but never correctly

learning just enough to know I know nothing

my voice comes with me wherever I go

and I can always count on it to comfort me

kind of like the wind except in winter

it's so cold in winter and I never have enough matches

I suppose the instruments could comfort me too

the harp isn't right yet but I don't think I'll pack it

I can put it somewhere when it's time to go

for the first time I'm not sad to leave

I am a little impatient but that's the nature of flow

I've spent all the grief I had in this heart

for this place where I loved and grew

and fell completely apart to find who I am

I wonder what the harp will sound like when properly tuned

do you think I'll sound like a siren?

will you put beewax in your ears again

and tell me you're not listening?

I'll take everything off of you

while you're still bound by yourself to the mast

you do love teasing me with thoughts of binding

I wonder how much you'll twich when it's you

helpless and unable to move

completely at my mercy

does it thrill or inspire fear in that fluid body

maybe a blending of both that keeps the magic alive

I wonder what I'll learn about myself

once I'm able to understand how to make music

out of plucking the right kinds of strings

from the right kind of painted and burned wood

I wonder what I'll learn about you

when I can manipulate all that spellbinding around you

I'm a very quick learner once I set my mind

just find it difficult to set my mind on anything lately

likely has something to do with all the boxes

I'm a quicker student once I get my hands on something

consider yourself warned and promised

[storedtunes]

Starlight Reveries; Episode 1. "the grief is never ending, so are the strange ways love will find you again and again!" ✶

good evening dearest listeners, welcome back to mai's humble corner of the airwaves. the darkness outside may be vast, but within the cozy confines of starlight reveries, we shall find solace in each other's company.

this episode, we find ourselves in the capable hands of a.. should i say.. lightly used microphone from a sketchy facebook ad? honestly i half expected to find a brick in a cardboard box when it arrived, but it seems like the universe really aligned in my favor that day. the quality might not be as good as usual and you may even catch a faint barking from my neighbor's dog in the background but i promise you, we're going to have so much fun today too.

before we dive into the main topic, allow me to play a few songs that i think will set the perfect mood for today's broadcast!

alright, welcome back! how's everyone's week been so far? the heat's been quite something huh? [mai carefully takes his guitar out of its case, nestling his chin against the instrument as he proceeds to talk about his week.] i hope your upcoming days will be kind to you, please remember to stay hydrated and treat yourself gently.

whenever i think of grief, words like loss, sorrow, and pain come to mind, no denying that. but recently, i've found myself associating the word grief with love as well. it's like the two emotions are intricately intertwined, "as long as there is love there will be grief because grief is love's natural continuation."

did you know that back in 2018, there was a mother orca who carried her dead calf for more than two weeks and over a hundred miles, all out of grief? despite the fact that the calf's body had begun to decompose, she did not let her baby sink to the ocean floor. tirelessly carried and nudged the body towards the surface, preventing it from succumbing to the depths of the sea.

not only did she refuse to eat, but she also significantly slowed down the pace of her pod as she grieved. but here's the thing—you might think nature is all brutality, but it's not. if that were the case, her pod would have abandoned her the moment they got hungry. yet, they didn't. instead, they stayed by her side through it all.

it really got me thinking—that grief, like love, is not an emotion exclusive to humans. from the depths of the ocean to the vastness of the skies, as long as there's love, there will be grief.

let's switch over to a lighter note shall we? when i ponder the concept of love, my mind immediately brings up a flurry of images: flowers, plump fruits, heart shaped trinkets, and a man with a mark on his ear right next to his piercing who blushes over literally noth–[a long pause follows, and the only sound heard in the room is the soft hum of a humidifier] wait wait!! what did i say?! [mai nervously chuckled, stealing a glance at the comment section that was now overrun with his listeners teasing him over his painfully obvious crush on his now, boyfriend.] ah.. let's just move on and continue to today's Q&A session.

Q: do you play any instruments other than guitar?

i used to learn how to play piano when i was in elementary school, but that is all!

Q: mai how did you and oliver meet, and what was your very first impression of him? please share it with the classroom

if i remember correctly we met during uni summer festival. i was in the promotion division, while oliver was in the ticketing division. we didn't interact much during the event, but i did find him really cute and was content just being in his orbit! first impression? oh! it was during this event that i noticed oliver tended to blush very quickly. we spent a lot of time outdoors, preparing for the festival, and within just 20 minutes, his cheeks would turn red. my first thought was, "i hope he's wearing sunscreen.."

Q: what loving oliver feels like?

ah.. loving oliver comes as easily and as naturally to me as breathing. it's strange because the love i feel for him feels so familiar, like we've been lovers in countless past lives. it's as though our souls have known each other in thousands of lifetimes before this!

Q: what song do you associate your lover with?

mystery by matt maltese

Q: does oliver babbles in his sleep?

stop asking about my man!!! but he does, babbles like a little kitty. my dear dear oliver.. he's so endearing

Q: mai do aegyo for us please!

baby, this is not idol fancall, ask more questions about me and oliver please

Q: where do you usually go on dates with oliver

we're both certified homebodies and have 'introvert' stamped on our heads. interacting with three or more people will leave us feeling like a dehydrated sponge— so most of the time we just stay at home and watch movies together! but i would absolutely love to go on a date to an aquarium. imagine the fun we'd have naming all the fishes!

Q: say something to mister boyfriend!

oliver kyoto, thank you so much for being so kind and gentle with me. i love you so much, and i hope we can stay together for a really long time. looking forward to more melon slices and fresh pile of strawberries in the future with kakak!

well, time seems to have flown by, my dear listeners! thank you so much for tuning in and keeping me company for the past two hours. remember to stay hydrated, take breaks if needed, and look after yourself. see you again in two weeks! until then, take care and stay safe ⭐

[neteluvr-library]

OKAY i decided to reread and annotate the entire cadigan series...because why not? i've missed atan and neteyam ): currently playing a thousand years while i do this hehe i want to annotate like this is my first read through, but also i want to annotate this with more perspective since this is my like my 3rd read through. either way, this is gonna be a wilddddd ride!!!!!

Your mum died where you were 10. It was the worst day of your life. The cancer, which slowly spread in the beginning, overtook her being one faithful day, which you will never be able to erase from your memory.

NOO NOT THE BEGINNING OF ATAN'S TRAUMA. *acts shocked*

It will prevail because of you. Because you will carry it along and share it. You will revel in the beauty and fight to bring it back because what better way is there to live?

I always loved how you really tried to portray both the beauty and the ugly of humans. Obviously, the Na'vi have every right to assume the worst of humans. They've brought nothing but war and death to Pandora. But also, there is good in humanity, they just don't know it. I love the idea of Atan being that positive glimpse of humanity.

You spent your life in the lab, and in the adjacent hub, learning, working out and playing the guitar and piano your mum taught you when you were really young.

ANDRA BBY THIS IS LITERALLY YOU!!!!! I didn't know you when you first started publishing Illicit Affairs, but now I do and I think its so cute how even from the beginning there are pieces of you in Atan ):

You loved this boy. Your brother, for all intents and purposes, your partner-in-crime for all time. He loved you, too, you knew that, and you thought in a different life, in a different universe, you were soulmates, braving life’s tough storms together. 

Atan's relationship with Lo'ak has always been one of my favorite!!! It's a relationship so pure. There's literally nothing better than meeting your platonic soulmate??? Like it just makes life so much more bearable knowing there is someone out there who knows and understands you like no one else.

I remember reading this the first day you posted it. I just finished my law school applications and recently watched the movie like 3 weeks before so I had a lot of free time and I constantly browsed the neteyam sully x reader tag 💀 I don't think I actually liked the chapter so I lost it but then I re-foud your account again after you had already posted a few more chapters and then I became hooked lol

(I MEANT TO POST THIS DAYS AGO BUT FORGOT)

Illicit Affairs | Chapter I: Willow

Pairing: Neteyam x f!Human!Reader

Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of death and disease

WC: 3,4k words

A/N: Sooo.. I kinda did something. This is the first fanfic I have written that will actually see the light of day, and also the first piece of writing (outside of master's dissertations, papers, scientific essays etc) that I have done since probably high school, which is longer ago than I'd like to admit. Anyway, I have been hyperfixated on Avatar recently, ATWOW fully bringing back my love and obsession for Pandora that I have had since 2009. I adore the new movie and the Sully kids, but I have a special place in my heart for Neteyam, so here we go. Let me know what you guys think. I work full time as a PhD student, so I'll try my best to write in my spare time and hopefully I can get this done the way I truly want to. This story is also loosely inspired by the incredible @forever--darling and her "One of Us" Neteyam fanfic, which I adore and have probably memorised by now with the amount of times I have read it.

“Wake up, Ace. It’s late already and there’s so much to do today, remember?” Norm’s voice pulled you out of a beautiful dream, one where you were flying on your chosen Ikran, high above the clouds, the worries…this lab. Albeit hard to swallow, you were almost relieved to be woken up, as feeding out-of-reach fantasies and dreams could lead to no good, anyhow. 

“I’m up… Jesus, Norm.” You felt yourself rise from your warm and comfortable bed and the feeling of your bare feet touching the cold, hard floor of the living quarters of the lab made you swallow a curse. 

“We left you some breakfast, get ready and meet us in the lab in 30, okay? We have the samples ready for you and you can run them after we’ve talked it through.” 

“Aye, aye, captain.” 

This was your life. You, among a few other people, were one of the only humans left on Pandora after the war took them back to Earth more than 17 years ago. Unlike the others, though, you were born here, on this foreign planet, the only home you’ve ever known. There was one more, a beautiful, feisty young man with a dark heritage, who liked to think that he is as much Pandoran as the actual natives. His name was Spider, and although you grew up together, there was not much you could say you had in common. He was wild and adventurous, has been his whole life; fully willing to immerse himself in the Na’vi ways and almost demanding a place amongst the people.

Although you have your doubts, he says the people were accepting of him, as he managed to befriend the most important family of the nearby Omatikaya tribe: the Sullys. Jake Sully, a former dream walker, rose to prominence as Toruk Makto, rider of Last Shadow. He brought multiple clans together to defeat the Sky People in their brutal quest for wealth and colonisation. He succeeded, after which he became Olo’yektan, leader of the Omatikaya. He is now fully Na’vi, after completing a consciousness transfer that allowed him to leave behind his human form and forever live as one of the people. It had never been done before. Jake was a great man, who became a mediator between the Na’vi and the humans left on Earth. His children, Neteyam, Lo’ak, Kiri and Tuk, were brought up to know English and be accepting of everyone, regardless where they came from, as long as they had pure intentions and a strong heart. Spider was considered one of them. And, surprisingly, you were, too. 

Your mum was a medic and researcher, brought here many moons ago to assist the Dr. Grace Augustin and her team in their quest to understand Pandora and its miraculous biology. Your dad, a former Master Sergeant in the US Air Force, joined the RDA for their military purposes. You never met your dad. He died when the Sky People attacked, although no one knows for sure which side he ended up taking. Your mum didn’t even know she was pregnant with you at the time, that’s how new everything was. Your mum loved your dad and she maintained her belief that he ended up doing the right thing in the end. You believed that as a child, but now are not so sure. Nevertheless, you still kept his dog tag, in a drawer at the bottom of your desk, a reminder of where you come from and what mistakes not to repeat. 

Your mum died where you were 10. It was the worst day of your life. The cancer, which slowly spread in the beginning, overtook her being one faithful day, which you will never be able to erase from your memory. There is no chemotherapy, no radiation therapy, no drugs that could have prevented this, not here, not on Pandora. Your mum made a decision to remain on this planet she loved more than her own and it eventually killed her. She had no regrets, she said. She was happy to have lived and loved and died here, among Eywa. The Na’vi loved her. She was good friends and a mentor to Neytiri and Jake, both of whom agreed to give her a Na’vi send off. You were there that day, one of the few times you had visited the Home Tree. You remember the pouring rain, falling so hard it washed away the tears spilling from your eye almost as soon as they emerged. You remember Lo’ak and Kiri, your beautiful friends that have always been there for you, mourning with you. Your mum was their favourite aunt. She introduced them to music and films, and showed all of you her favourite books and painters and made sure you all understood that humans, despite their many flaws, have beauty and love and good in them, that no matter what, will prevail. “It will prevail because of you. Because you will carry it along and share it. You will revel in the beauty and fight to bring it back because what better way is there to live?”

You finished breakfast quickly, some dry toast with some fruit Kiri brought you the last time she visited and made your way back to the lab. You found Norm and Max, alongside two other human scientists, Tim and Claire, sitting on chairs next to the lab benches, discussing plans for the week. 

“There she is, the brightest of us all.” You smirked at the compliment, raising your eyebrows in amusement and sitting down next to Claire. 

“You’ve done great work last week, Ace The ELISAs show promise that Relensa might have some effect against this type of Pandora virus. I need you to now repeat it with the samples we’ve provided and also include a different type of positive control to the experiment, if possible.”

“Will do. How about a combination therapy? I know Relensa is not the only type of anti-viral therapy we have available. Amantidin, maybe? We have to go at this from all angles, you know?” 

“Our Amantidin reserve is running severely short, but give it a try. Try a dose-response? Maybe 100 nano molars to 1 micro molar? Try 1milimolar as a positive control?”

This was your life. Unlike Spider, you avoided the clan. You did not want to be the walking reminder of everything they’ve lost. You were happy to sit back and dedicate your life to helping from the shadows. Your mum was a medic and a researcher, one of the brightest in the world. She wrote the book on Na’vi anatomy and physiology, she wanted to understand the people and hopefully help them mitigate losses brought by disease. You continued that work. Although young, you learned everything there was to learn. Not like you had anything else to do. You worked as a scientist and a nurse and a doctor if needs be. You patched humans up, stitched their wounds, ran experiments on Pandora pathogens and tried to find a cure against viral and bacterial diseases that plagued the Na’vi. You spent your life in the lab, and in the adjacent hub, learning, working out and playing the guitar and piano your mum taught you when you were really young. You couldn’t say you loved it, loved being here all the time, but you were content knowing you were, in your own way, making up for your species’ past mistakes. 

Around lunchtime, you heard commotion from the entryway. A very familiar voice reverberated through the hallways. Your lips raised in a soft smile. Lo’ak. 

Removing your lab coat, goggles and gloves, you made your way towards the origin of the sound. The tall, much-taller-than-you young man picked up a breathing mask from the designated shelf and waved at you with unwavering enthusiasm. You loved this boy. Your brother, for all intents and purposes, your partner-in-crime for all time. He loved you, too, you knew that, and you thought in a different life, in a different universe, you were soulmates, braving life’s tough storms together. 

“Brought you lunch, angel.” Your nickname for you made you roll your eyes. You hated it, but the more you hated it, the more he used it so you remained silent. “I thought you could use a break from the stale excuse you guys call food around here.” 

Lo’ak spoke English with you most of the time. He took to your parents’ (and his dad’s) culture the most out of all the kids. You spent a lot of your childhood together, hunched around a computer with old reruns of shows your mum loved in her youth, shows and movies that were way before even her time. She said she loved seeing what Earth looked like before humans killed their mother. Shows like Gilmore Girls, Friends and Modern Family were some of her favourites. You devoured them as a child, and Lo’ak did so too, with you. You drove her crazy as children, and drove Norm and Max crazy as teenagers, both trying to understand references and sayings, buildings and activities, games and idiosyncrasies. The Earth you grew up watching and reading up was beautiful, a star in the night sky you will never be able to touch. 

Lo’ak made his way to the dining room of the hub, and lay several carefully-packed items on the table. Fresh teylu, cooked over fire and Pandora vegetables, all full of colour and flavour, all much better than anything that could come out of this place. You realise that you are starving as soon as you lay your eyes on them. Before you even sat down, you dug your fingers in and quickly ate some teylu, groaning at the delicious sweet meaty flavour. It was your favourite, and Lo’ak knew. He laughed at your apparent desperation and motioned for you to sit down. You obliged, and you both sat in silence for a while, just enjoying each other’s company and the food he provided. 

“How’s training going? I haven’t seen you in a few days.” 

“I die a little bit inside every time you make me remember I spend my days training like a little robot. It’s going fine. Tiring, you know? My dad is fully back in his Marine ways. He knows it’s been enough time that the humans are bound to return sooner or later. He says they’d never leave this world, and all its untapped riches alone without a fight. So it’s a lot of military training… if we walk like them, talk like them and fight like them, it might bring us some sort of advantage, you know?” 

“Yeah, I know. I know it’s a pain, but he’s only doing this to protect you guys. He’s right. The humans are bound to return one day and when they do, we have to be prepared.” He doesn’t know this, but you have also been training, learning about guns, going through your dad’s old manuals and whatever else the RDA has left behind that could possibly be of use. You use the guns that are in the hub to learn how to aim, shoot, strip field, reload and clean the weapons, so you too can be prepared when the time comes. You might be stuck in a weak human body, but you will not be weak. 

“Neteyam’s driving me nuts. He used to be fun, remember that? He’s such a killjoy, it’s hard to stomach being around him anymore. He’s always giving out orders, always making sure everything is in order and perfect, like him. He’s been training like crazy, and sticking to my dad like he’s some sort of fungus you can’t get rid of. Drives me crazy.”

“Hey, don’t talk about your brother like that. There’s a line, Lo’ak. Neteyam only wants the best for you guys, and he’s the oldest. He has to carry the burden of being the responsible one while you guy cause mischief all the time.” 

Neteyam, Jake and Neytiri���s oldest, is more Na’vi than all the other children combined, in both looks and personality. Whilst the two middle children, Lo’ak and Kiri have five fingers, eyebrows and a more human appearance, Neteyam is all Neytiri. He’s tall and lean and seems like he was born with a bow in hand. A true warrior, you always found him a tad intimidating. Just like his mum, he has his apprehensions about humans and avatars, and although he used to come to the hub quite often when he was younger, mostly to keep an eye on his siblings, the visits have become a rarity as of recent times. 

You wonder how the young man changed in the time you haven’t seen him. You used to be close as children, or at least that’s what you thought. Whereas Spider took to Lo’ak and Kiri, their mischievous personalities a good match for each other, you took to the oldest Sully boy. He was quiet and thoughtful, and he used to look at you like a puzzle he was trying to solve, but couldn’t. He used to sit in the back as you used to play piano, and his gaze on you used to make your skin blush and your heart race. You tried not to think about the pang of hurt that rose in your chest as you remembered that he essentially abandoned you, without so much as a farewell. 

“Earth to Y/N, are you still there?” Lo’ak interrupted your train of thought and you were half grateful that you didn’t have to think about Neteyam anymore. 

“Sorry. You were saying?”

“I was saying you’re right, I know I should be more understanding, I am happy I don’t have to be the one to carry all of responsibility, but it’s hard not to hold a grudge when it seems my brother was abducted by aliens and replaced with a weird, no-fun replica of himself.” 

You groaned at the young Sully’s ongoing verbal attacks, but said no more. Whatever was going on between the two Sully boys was, at the end of the day, none of your business. 

“Anyway…” Lo’ak started, a mischievous grin appearing on his beautiful face, “I know something you don’t.” 

“Mmm, what is that?”

“I’m not telling you, but let’s just say I think it will make you very happy.” 

“Well that’s just cruel. You know I hate surprises.”

After lunch, Lo’ak joined you in the recreation hub, where you kept a guitar and the piano that the humans left behind. You didn’t feel like going back to work just yet. You sat down on the cold floor and picked up your copy of Pride and Prejudice, your mum’s favourite book. The book was coming apart at the seams, worn down from all the times you have held it in your hands, as if gripping it tighter would bring her back to you, even if for only a split second. You sighed as you passed the book to Lo’ak and motioned for him to put it on the table next to him.

“Sing for me, will you? I missed hearing your voice.” 

You smiled up at him. Nobody knew you like Lo’ak did. Nobody accepted you the way Lo’ak did. Both of you felt out of place in this world, like you didn’t quite belong anywhere. He has spent many an hour confessing how alone he’s felt all his life. You’d like to think you helped. You picked up your guitar and played a familiar song, one you knew he loved.

“Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind , as if you were a mythical thing

Like you were a trophy or a champion ring, and there was one prize I'd cheat to win

The more that you say, the less I know

Wherever you stray, I follow

I'm begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans

That's my man”

You sat like this for hours, laughing and playing and singing. You tried to teach him a couple of chords on the guitar, which looked puny in his massive hands. With a loud thud, the open to the recreation centre swung open, making both of your heads turn in shock. 

“Lo’ak, what the fuck?” 

The harsh tone came from a man, a man you barely recognised anymore. Tall and muscular, he was not the same Neteyam you last saw. He was adorning a carefully crafted neck piece that matched his hunter’s chest piece and the knife holder he kept by his hips. You took a second to adjust to the man in front of you, that you haven’t seen in so long, that will always have a special place in your heart. Your gaze eventually fell on his face, which, like the rest of him, matured so much in all that time apart. He was beautiful. His hair was freshly braided and you couldn’t help but stare at the beaded strands that framed his face. As much as his body and face changed, they didn’t hold a candle to his eyes. The big yellow orbs that always looked at you curiously and intently were now focused on Lo’ak with rage flashed across them. 

“You were supposed to meet me at the Home Tree a fucking hour ago, Lo’ak. Dad asked you to join the hunting party and pull your weight for once, remember that? Are you physically unable to do anything that is ever asked of you?” 

He is yet to even spare a glance in your direction. You felt your blood pressure rising at the oldest Sully, but you pushed it down to look at Lo’ak, who was staring daggers at his older brother. As he was opening his mouth to undoubtedly say something that would get him in even more trouble than he was already in, you cut him off. 

“It’s my fault.” You say in Na’vi. You doubted Neteyam was in the mood for English, so as to not escalate the tensions further, you opted for your semi-decent Na’vi. “I needed his help with some samples Norm got for me that I couldn’t identify. I’m done now, though. Sorry for taking him from his duties.”

His eyes finally snapped from Lo’ak and laded on your frame. You saw his lips parting in confusion and then settle in a firm line. His eyes scanned your body from head to toe. You changed. A lot. Your hair was now close to reaching your narrow waist, which he hated himself for noticing. You were wearing what the humans called a “top”, that was cut above your abdomen and had the word “Stanford” written across it. He’s sure he’s seen it before, although he couldn’t place where. You were wearing bottoms, short and blue, with cuts in them, which Neteyam didn’t get. Why are your clothes ripped? It’s not like you fought some animal in the wild, you never got out. He couldn’t help noticing how lean you had become, so lean, in fact, he could trace your muscles with precision, something he is rarely able to do with humans. Your species was puny and weak, which is why they needed avatars and exo-suits to survive on Pandora. Realizing he was staring, his eyes moved from you back to Lo’ak, and motioned for him to get up. Although he huffed and puffed, Lo’ak obliged without saying a word. He turned around before exiting the room, giving you one last exasperated look. You winked at him and clicked your tongue in the direction of the forest, a small smile on your face. This skxawng. 

“Hey, you.” You called after Neteyam in English, as soon as Lo’ak disappeared from your line of view. You don’t know what you expected, but you had to try. He turned around and his eyes met yours. It was like looking at a stranger. 

“I really have to go, Y/N.” He said, with a deep voice and slight accent, and his eyes fell on the floor as soon as he noticed the look of hurt that crossed your face. 

“Fine, go.” You said, quickly composing yourself. You refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing he can hurt your feelings. You turned around, and busied yourself cleaning up, not sparing a second look in his direction. His gaze shifted back to your frame, and with a sigh, he made his way out of the lab and your life, once more. 

[patriciavetinari]

Okay FINE, I don't go out enough. Yes, I should be wasting money on alcohol and destroying my liver or paying insane prices for bottled water in order to find a mate. Sure. Let's say that is normal

First of all, I've done that. I've spent hours on a weekend sitting in bars or lounges in my sexiest dress, bored out of my mind. I did not get my phone out other than to check the time because being on your phone makes you less approachable. Yes, I read the advice. I smiled at strangers and strangled all my anxietes to make small talk if someone was ordering right beside me. None of that made any difference.

But then they say 'oh you shouln't go alone! Bring a friend! People will approach a couple of chatting girls easier than a lonely girl!'

Ok, I say. And immediately propose: 'Sure then, let's go iut Friday night!'

And all of a sudden:

Oh I have a netflix night planned with my partner, we're watching the Bear

Oh and the following weekend my parents are coming over

Oh and weekend after that we go out of town

Fantastic. Trully unironically happy for you. And my absolute favorite, a response when I ask a friend out:

Oh I can't, I'm going out with some friends.

This response neatly segregates me out as a not-friend-to-bring and ok, I can be grown up about this, people absolutely have the right to have separate groups of friends and they owe me nothing. But this illustrates my situation where I'm either 'going out more' alone or I'm not going out.

This will sound like a childish complaint once again, but I am rarely a priority to the friends I made in the last few years that physically live in the same city. They are good people and I understand and don't hold a grudge, but I'm also not exaggerating above when I say that even getting to tag along with someone is impossible.

And whenever I bring up the topic of where to meet people, the first 3 answers are always the insufferable trio: work-bar-nighclub. If you happen not to enjoy crowded sweaty spaces in covid times or loud music that is never your taste because you prefer string quartets – it's your own fault for being too 'quirky' and lonely as a consequence.

I understand that someone people need the advice of 'go out to eat on your own! Go to a museum date with yourself! Don't refuse experiences just because you're on your own!' and that's true but that's pretty much the only way I've been living my life. I go to restaurants, cafes, concerts, plays, movies, museums and galleries on my own. I keep smiling and attempting polite small talk with staff and other patrons, and helping when people drop things or get lost or can't find the restrooms. I'm not bragging, I just genuinely think all those are decent things to do and the old tune of trying to be what I want to see in others and how I want others to see me.

And nothing. This brings experiences: tasty food, art, music, stories, days lives learning and admiring, but absolutely no human connection. Nothig long term. I collect those moments when I talk to strangers for a minute – with no romantic or any kind of expectations – like little beads of human interaction that I have to stash away for later remeniscing because there's a deficit. I do things that I like on my own and face the world on my own with as much kindness as I can, and I attract noone with that.

And then I tell someone I'd like a romantic relationship some day, and they send me to a nighclub, to go with a friend which they are refusing to then be – the one to accompany me and show me the secret techniques of neurotypical thin people that collect phone numbers like a polished piano collects dust. I have to go alone, so far outside of my comfort zone that it becomes a discomfort zone (with an added touch of pandemic for the past four years), drown my anxietes in an overpriced cocktail, dance to shit music, then in three hours turn around and go home, commuting for an hour on famously safe night streets (although I have been told 'who'd want to rape you anyway?..' which was an outstanding way to make rape sound like a compliment). And I'm supposed to do that repeatedly, weekend after weekend, until it works. This is so miserable.

Or tinder. They also send me to tinder. Recently I was also told to go to a paid matchmaker. Which... Yeah.

Yeah the right answer is hobbies I guess, but theatre courses are expensive, and there are no chess clubs that would work with my commute or that accept new members. So.

[tiredassmage]

2, 42 for character of your choice!

Picking who to do 2 with should not have been nearly as difficult as it was. This was hard not because I didn't know the answer, but picking who to do it with, lol! And I'm indecisive, so have two for 2, lol.

> hard mode oc asks

2. What is/was your character's relationship with their mother like?

I rarely talk about my XIV ocs anymore (big F in the chat for a certain Imperial Agent taking up all my brain space), but Astor is probably the closest to his mother of my whole active gang. For a time, she lived and studied in the Sharlayan colony, before the Exodus and before she'd moved to Dravania to lead a quieter life with her husband and, eventually, their son.

Part of it is circumstance - Astor's father was a traveling trader and hunter, so he wasn't home too often or for too long, though they had their own reasonably good relationship.

To keep from babbling on too long, though, he was always closer with his mother and she's the one that, in his words, taught him most of what he knows. He respected her immensely, and they were friends just as much as a mother and son. He gets a lot of his values from her and also learned much of what he knew of magic at the beginning of his adventures from her, from foundations in Conjury to the Sharlayan arts of Astrologian. She fell ill and passed around Astor's 18th nameday - a loss he took hard. He spent an additional two years in Dravania maintaining the clinic he'd helped her run before finally heeding the call of adventure and a will to do a bit more good for others with his skills.

Tyr (because you know we can't not talk about him skfnlksdf) is on the exact opposite end of the spectrum. Whether it was his mother or his elder sister on Dromund Kaas that was ultimately more antagonistic, the jury's still out, but he hasn't really had contact with any of his family since joining Intelligence and that's mostly been a boon.

Part of it was that she barely tolerated that her husband had adopted an utter stranger of a child into their home and it certainly was not helped at all by the boy's utter lack of Force sensitivity. Their marriage was most certainly more a political power arrangement between a fairly successful officer and fairly successful Sith.

So, they never really had a mother-son dynamic so much as an Imperial and Sith. One of their few and far between semi-positive interactions was a time she permitted/put him through piano lessons in his youth. While fair enough at the time, it was never a stronger interest or skill and Tyr hasn't played since before he joined the military. (Raina doesn't let go of this nugget of information until she weasels out some short stories from him.)

42. Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

So, Tyr's respect for both the Minister of Intelligence and Ardun Kothe aren't exactly secret anymore now that I've finally written some about it, but it is very important to me, lol.

Tyr can't help but respect the Minister for a quiet level of honesty, for looking him in the eye and sharing the learned experience that ideals don't survive Intelligence. He's weaving quiet warnings for Tyr to watch his step into mission orders almost from the beginning, so Tyr trusts that he does what he can to look out for him. Their final conversation before the hunt for the Black Codex is probably the most openly honest about it and struck me as the Minister recognizing Tyr's set of values and, yes, ideals even where Tyr might not have.

"I developed goals in place of ideals, and I found ways to achieve those goals. I hoped authority would help me effect change."

There's a just. Gut-punching recognition of himself in Tyr in this conversation that just. Wwwwww. I'm having emotions about it again. This is another one of those moments where someone else gives voice to something Tyr hasn't quite been able to say or describe to himself. And there's a lot of relief in being able to tell the Minister he's always respected him in final goodbyes. For what it's worth, despite their differences, despite everything that happened, Tyr looked up to him and what happened didn't quite manage to change his respect for the man.

And in Ardun, I think he sees some of the same things. It's especially important to him that Ardun looks after his team, his people. Tyr's an outsider as the defector, he wouldn't have begrudged an initial lack of trust there. Tyr ultimately respects that Ardun takes responsibility for what he puts him through. He values that Ardun listens to him and returns that respect on Corellia, enough to let Tyr bring him in on the Star Cabal.

Shit happens between both pairs. There's no way around that regardless of how much he respects them, but in a way, he can see mirrored strains in both relationships. Tyr sees two people who, ultimately, did their best for him in situations where their hands were tied. Not all of those choices made were perfect, but nothing ever is, and they're honest about it. And that's priceless to a Cipher that was maybe a bit farther in over his head than he ever planned or wanted to be in the politics and power plays of the Dark Council.

[bellascarousel]

New Year's Resolution time, kiss another year goodbye!

Ahem... Now that I've gotten that out of my system... I spent a good chunk of the past two weeks playing with a planner I bought for this year. It has a goals section, that is really cool. You pick up to six areas of focus, and set goals for each area, and mark if they're projects or habits you want to get into. Then, each month, for each area of focus, you narrow your focus down more. I'm explaining it badly, but bear with me.

My areas of focus this year are: writing, fandom, fitness and weight loss, cleaning and organizing, self development, and fun and hobbies. Yes, I know that it looks like there's some overlap. "Fandom" could theoretically be divided between "writing" and "fun and hobbies". But, splitting it up this way just makes sense to me. Don't try to understand how my brain works. That way madness lies.

So, my goals, both long-term for the year, and what I've chosen to focus on in January:

Writing:

This year's goals are: finish at least the first draft of Married At First Sight, my Historical Romance novel. And get The Vampires Of Sangue Collina book 1 ready for an editor and/or beta readers. To that end, I have also set a goal for a habit of working on both of them every week.

For January, my goals are to write 2-3k a week on MAFS, and at least read through the rest of the lessons in my revision course and make a plan for this round of revisions on VSC1.

Fandom:

This year's goals are: do more reading, especially of my favorite stories/writers. Try to post at least one chapter a week. Get a few of my multi-chapter fics finished. And work more on my videos.

For January, I want to try to finish Let's Run Away Together. Catch up on Plausible Deniability, Seeing Clearly With More Than Your Eyes, and my friend Andi's Haylijah fics. And finish separating season 2 of Bridgerton into scenes to make finding clips for fan videos easier.

Fitness and weight loss:

This year's goals are: lose 20-50 pounds and keep it off. Bring a lunch to work mos days. Exercise at least 3 times a week. Less fast food. And less soda, more water.

For January, I'm just focusing on bringing a lunch to work most days and I want to start using my Pilates videos.

Cleaning and organizing:

This years goals are: get and keep my computer table and under my computer table cleaned. Get my bed cleared off (I've been sleeping on a futon in my room because I need a new mattress on my bed, and my bed has become a catch-all). Organize my bookcases. Organize my shelving units. Watch and follow the videos on this organizing challenge thing I signed up for months ago and did nothing with. And organize my computer and phone.

January I just want to get and keep my computer table and under my computer cleared off, and bookmark and close out the 5 bazillion open browser tabs on my phone. Cleaning and organizing is definitely a baby steps focus area for me. If I try to do too much at once, I'll never maintain it.

Self development:

This years goals are: Read a chapter of a writing book every day. Find an Italian course I like and actually follow it (though, seriously considering trying to learn ASL first, and looking into Italian next year. Still trying to decide). Pull out my keyboard and actually do the piano course I signed up for... years ago. Find YouTube videos and teach myself to crochet. And do a page of handwriting exercises every day.

January's goals are: finish reading Finding Your Voice. And find courses for Italian and/or ASL. (Might also add the handwriting sheets, since they're like 5 minutes a day...)

Fun and hobbies:

This year's goals are: read 25-50 pages of fiction (not counting fanfiction) a day. Play more on my DS and less on silly games on my phone and tablet. Finish the game and puzzle my niblings bought me for Christmas last year. And play more on this website I like with these really fun text adventure games.

January's goals are to get in my 25-50 pages of fiction reading, and finish the game and puzzle.

I also want to do a better job of actually making daily to-do lists and using them to actually get shit done. Set a habit of having a load of laundry washed, dried, and put away all on the same day. Make a habit of "resetting my room to clean" every night (making sure that any area that has been cleaned previously stays clean). Keep better track of my finances and work on saving money.

But! My biggest resolution is to just be kinder to myself. To accept that none of this is set in stone. I have untreated ADHD. Exectutive dysfunction is a thing. Inertia is a thing. And habits are hard to get going. But, to not let one set back completely derail me. I have this habit of, if I miss a day of exercise, I decree that week ruined. And then I have to wait for the start of a new week/month and start over. I'm honestly the same way with most habits I try to create. I need to stop doing that. I need to just pick myself up and keep going from where I left off.

I'll be posting nightly updates to hold myself accountable. Here's to making 2023 my best year, yet! (Honestly, this is not hard to do. I am a bit of a mess.)