#but you know who cares about *that* i guess when you have children to guilt trip into telling you why they so selfishly cut you off

[nonuggetshere]

So they didn't become void, they were "born" that way

In FaaF there are different species and kinds of higher beings (still a MASSIVE work in progress tbh, trying to figure out how these cunts work, but for now I'm thinking they're extremely rare species with far greater abilities and lifespans than a normal bug's that have a chance to ascend to true godhood (but even if they don't ascend that doesn't stop mortals from worshipping them as they're already very god-like from a normal bug's perspective)), "pale beings" being one of these kinds/mutations.

Well, there was also a different kind once, "void beings", but they all went extinct a very long time ago by the beginning of the story. Shade Lord was one, and last, of them and it lost its life in a fight with Radiance - the same fight that drove her to make her permanent residence in the dream realm out of her new-found fear of death (which backfired spectacularly ngl). Its body was buried in the Abyss, where it broke apart and decayed, or decayed as much as a non-living thing can, before it was unearthed many ages later by the pale wyrm.

Not much is known about them since they've been gone for so long, and the vessels are the only void beings remaining, but since they're not "pure" void beings it'd be foolish of anyone to assume that the ancient extinct species behaved the same way as these ones do. But they were generally greatly feared thanks to the void's freaky, dangerous properties, which partly lead to their extinction as some of the other higher beings purposefully attacked and killed them whenever they stumbled across one out of fear. Now the only thing remaining of them are the rare void sources, where their former bodies still refuse to fully die.

Shade Lord does get accidentally resurrected in the story bc of all the tomfoolery happening with its body before almost immediately getting killed again by Ghost who inherits its title and reign. Don't ask me how that works, haven't figured that out yet. Magic god shit or something idk LMAO

[misswynters]

Lil Daredevils with big hearts

featuring. ekko x wife!reader

note. i need more aunt! jinx (this is horrible i don’t like it but i’ve spent way too much time on this)

requested. by anon

Your birthday had been a quiet affair so far, just you, Ekko, and the twins at the Firelight hideout. You hadn’t expected much; after all, it was difficult to celebrate properly in a city like this. But your daughters, ever the spirited pair, had whispered and giggled all morning, plotting something secret. You knew they wanted to surprise you, but you couldn’t have guessed how far they’d go.

The more mischievous of the two, had decided that a proper birthday gift was non-negotiable. Her twin, more cautious but equally devoted, followed her lead. Together, they hatched a plan: She would swipe something special from a merchant in the Piltover market while her sister kept watch. It was innocent enough in their young minds, a way to show how much they loved their mama. But even at five years old, the twins underestimated the risk.

The plan unraveled quickly. The more excited twin had barely snatched a sparkling trinket from a vendor’s table when the merchant shouted, drawing the attention of none other than Caitlyn Kiramman. The Enforcer’s sharp eyes caught sight of the tiny thief darting between stalls, her twin calmer sister trailing behind, trying to call her back. Caitlyn’s voice rang out, calm yet commanding. “Stop right there!”

But the twins didn’t stop. Fear propelled them forward, their small feet pattering against the cobblestones. Caitlyn sighed, reaching for her rifle, intending only to fire a warning shot to make them halt. The sight of the weapon, however, filled you with cold dread as you turned the corner and saw the scene unfolding. Your maternal instincts overrode all reason, and without hesitation, you threw yourself between Caitlyn and the girls just as her finger accidentally squeezed the trigger.

The shot echoed through the narrow street, sharp and unforgiving. Pain exploded in your side as the bullet tore through flesh, and you stumbled, clutching the wound as blood seeped between your fingers. The twins froze in horror, their eyes wide and filled with tears. Caitlyn lowered her rifle instantly, her face stricken with regret. “Oh my gods… I didn’t mean—”

The chaos only deepened as Ekko and Vi arrived, drawn by the sound of gunfire. Ekko’s eyes went wide as he took in the sight of you on the ground, bleeding, with Caitlyn standing nearby, rifle still in hand. Rage replaced the shock in an instant. “What the hell did you do?” he snarled, rushing to your side.

Vi, confused and alarmed, held up her hands. “Cait, what’s going on? Who are they?”

Caitlyn stammered, clearly shaken. “I didn’t know they were children—she just—she jumped in the way!”

Before Ekko could unleash the full force of his anger, a familiar chaotic energy entered the scene. Jinx appeared out of nowhere, her wild grin softening when she saw the twins huddled together, crying. “Hey, hey, what’s all this fuss about?” she said, kneeling to their level. “Don’t worry, Auntie Jinx is here.”

You managed a weak smile through the pain. “Jinx… take them. Please.”

Ekko didn’t even need to look to know you trusted her implicitly. Jinx gently scooped up the twins, her tone uncharacteristically soothing. “Come on, munchkins. Let’s go somewhere fun, yeah? Don’t worry about your mama. She’s tougher than she looks.”

The twins clung to her, still sniffling, but they didn’t protest. With one last glance at you, Jinx disappeared as swiftly as she had arrived, the twins safe in her care.

Ekko turned his attention back to Caitlyn and Vi, his protective instincts blazing. “You pointed a gun at my daughters?” he hissed, his voice dangerously low.

Caitlyn stepped forward, guilt etched into every line of her face. “I didn’t know they were yours, Ekko. They were running, and I—”

“That’s no excuse,” Ekko snapped, cutting her off. “They’re kids. My kids. You don’t aim a gun at children, ever.”

Vi, still piecing everything together, held up her hands. “Wait, wait. You’re married? And you have kids?”

“Uh. Yeah, Vi,” Ekko shot back, his tone sharp. “Surprise. Maybe if you and your Enforcer girlfriend weren’t so trigger-happy, you’d probably know that by now.”

“Ekko,” you murmured weakly, placing a hand on his arm. “It was an accident. Please let it go.”

He knelt beside you, his anger softening as he saw the pain in your eyes. “Let it go? She shot you.”

“It was my choice,” you said, your voice firm despite the pain. “I saw the gun, and I jumped. She didn’t mean to.”

Caitlyn crouched down, meeting your gaze with a sincerity that was hard to ignore. “I swear to you, I would never intentionally harm anyone, especially not a child. I’m so sorry.”

Ekko didn’t respond immediately, his jaw tight as he tried to rein in his emotions. Vi stepped closer, her expression more serious now. “Look, I get why you’re pissed. If someone hurt my family, I’d lose it too. But Caitlyn made a mistake. Let us help. We’ll get her patched up.”

You reached for Ekko’s hand, squeezing it gently. “Please, my love.”

He let out a long breath, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. “Fine. But we’re not done talking about this.”

Vi nodded, offering her hand to help you up. “Fair enough. Let’s get you somewhere safe first.”

Later, back at the Firelight hideout, Ekko hovered over you as you rested on your shared bed, the wound bandaged but still tender. The twins were with Jinx in another part of the hideout, their giggles faintly audible through the walls.

Vi and Caitlyn stood nearby, both uncharacteristically quiet. Ekko finally broke the silence, his voice low but firm. “You’re lucky she’s okay. If she wasn’t…”

“I know,” Caitlyn said softly, her usual confidence replaced by remorse. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right.”

Vi crossed her arms, glancing at you. “For what it’s worth, you’ve got guts. Jumping in like that? Not many people would do that.”

You managed a small smile. “Not many people have kids like mine.”

Ekko sat beside you, his hand resting over yours. “They’re lucky to have you as their mom.”

Despite the lingering tension, the room felt a little lighter. Jinx’s voice suddenly called out from the other room. “Hey! The mischievous one is trying to climb the wall again! Who taught these kids to be such little daredevils?”

Ekko sighed, a faint smile tugging at his lips. “I wonder where they get it from.”

You laughed softly, wincing as the movement tugged at your side. “Maybe their dad?”

taglist. @diffusebread @xxblairslairxx @annybah @niredsw @stqrlxght @kriss-w @marilovz @blkmystery @multiverse-fandoms-2001 @turquoizxe @mishellii @kor-0suu @feelya @theamazingmilli @multim00n @m00nd0v3 @sodavrr @maialublmere @radtragedyarcade @spiderhook @night-fall-moon @ekkosh @hoonobono @bandletale @thesecondhandwoman @alientee @duchessmoooon @lilbunny1sworld @lil-kpopstan @mbekgsv @lulumallow @ametheslime @sunshiines-stuff @lolana101 @jadeash434 @hobieeeloverrr @misonesaturou @serene6728 @hellokittyfeenie

banner. @anitalenia art. not mine

[z4rph1m]

Platonic Yan!Batfam X dazai! GNreader X Yandere DC

Forgotten child

Pro. Ch.1 (you are here) Ch.2

No longer human….

The name of your ability to nullify any type of meta power or other ability within your radius.

Something that your mother made you aware of before she went along with the clouds.

Mori did once told you that she also had an ability, the Setting Sun

An ability that allow the user to give out the sense of despair and hopelessness to their target….

Upon hearing about it you started to wonder if your mother once use it against you

Months had gone by yet the manor felt emptier than ever.

A lingering presence of a child who was life greatest failure or was it life that failed the child?

The presence wasn’t a blissful innocence and joy but instead a lingering sense of sadness and self-destruction of the child.

The place where the presence is almost as if the child is there has to be their bedroom.

A place where the child find solace and comfort,

A place where Alfred mostly goes to whenever he has the chance.

As much as he wants to denies it

Your path of darkness had already started the moment you were born.

Born not out of love but instead a result of a stringless and loveless action during intimacy.

Alfred knew that there was no hope in saving you from the dark pit of despair and sadness but maybe, just maybe if you were surrounded by care and love instead of indifference and neglect, you would’ve turn out differently.

Alfred raised you with all the care and love he could give yet it still doesn’t stop you from being self-destructive and suicidal.

He knows about your struggles with fitting in with your peers.

Your struggles to overcome your self-destructive tendencies.

Especially with how often he helped with bandaging yourself again and again.

He secretly keep pictures of you throughout the years you’ve stayed in the mansion.

Especially when he took you to a fun fair, away from Gotham.

But that still doesn’t give you the light of hope.

He prayed that one day you’re surrounded by the love that you needed and want.

But he hopes you won’t hate him for what he’s about to do

Bruce know whenever his children comes in and out of the manor, yet he couldn’t help but felt as if someone is missing.

He thought that one of them is probably playing some type of prank on him until Alfred came knocking on the door before entering.

“Master Bruce? I’ve come with your tea prepared and old news to bring”

“Old news? Then do tell” putting down all of his paperwork’s, tapping the pen down on the table

“You’re second child had move out a few months back, it’s a sudden but they didn’t bring anything with them.”

Bruce stare at Alfred in confusion. Jason move out, since when did he move in in the first place?

Alfred gave Bruce a knowing look, as if he can read his mind before opening his mouth to speak.

“It is not master Jason, he is your third child. I suggest to take another guess”

Bruce kept a confused look and thinking on who exactly move out from the manor.

It’s definitely not Dick or Jason, nor is it Tim since he’s currently in his room, or is Damian who’s too young to even move out.

Or coul- no, it couldn’t be….

The bitter truth struck to him like a pile of sadness and despair came hugging his very body.

His first biological child.

The one who join after Dick.

His precious child.

[N] Wayne

Does he even remember how you look like? Actually scratch that, did he even have time or actually look at you throughout your life in the manor?

To add the salt to the wound, Alfred once again speak up.

“I had inform you of their departure but you were quick to dismissed it. I decided that it be best for you to be inform of it the second time”

A sense of dread continue to hug Bruce’s body like a blanket, as if a sadness and the guilt of a child had been passed on to another.

Did he ever had a proper conversation to you, or even attend any events at school with you?

God he hopes not.

He doesn’t even remember how your voice sounds like or even what’s you’re likings to simple things like food or even hobby.

“Alfred, how old are they now exactly?”

It’s embarrassing for a parent to even ask that simple question about their child.

“They’ve just turn 22 a month ago, from what I know, they’re currently living in a apartment”

God how many birthdays did he missed.

He didn’t even gave you a simple card and a cake, actually have you ever even had a birthday cake?

Or even any celebrations?

“Alfred, if you may, lead me to their room”

He wants to know what type of person you are, or at least an idea of it.

What a pitiful excuse of a father isn’t it?

You blankly stare at the dead bodies of the people who tried to kidnap you to threaten the port mafia boss.

Having no emotions In your eyes, bandages being redder and dirtier than ever, and 4 subordinates behind you.

“Bring their body to the slaughterhouse, at least their body would be useful in the market”

They were quick to obey to your command, like little rabbits afraid to get killed by the wolf.

The blood on the floors were left alone, and the deafening silence was your company.

Keyword : Was.

You’re not stupid to not know you’re being watch.

By Bruce’s other child no less, the one who was presumed dead by the members.

“You can come out now Jason. Or should I call you by your vigilante name, Red Hood?”

You watch as he slowly show himself to you, putting his gun down, hands holding nothing.

You just blankly stare at him before putting on a small smirk.

“Try to put me in jail? Or did you change your mind when you saw it was me?”

You change your expression to a blank one, the one that shows the darkness in your eyes and the feeling of the grim reaper surrounding you.

In Jason eyes, there’s something wrong with your silhouette.

Is it the way you’re staring at him? Or the feeling of despair, death and sorrows that clings to you.

It was as if you’re not even a human being.

You turn back and walk away from him, having enough of one of the famous vigilante of Gotham.

“You can take the leftover bullets if you want, must be frustrating to use the rubber ones”

Inspired by @-acid-ixx again & again series and @-marcyvamp1re-blog silly little bat

[hoeforalbedo]

Dolly (Pt 2)

Human Alastor x Housewife!Reader

Pt 1, Finale

Tw: Murder, Forced Cannibalism, reader is described as a woman, dumbifying reader, mention of pregnancy, pregnancy.

Note: I guess I’m making this a series? I really want them to meet in hell. Also I really haven’t made it obvious bc I don’t want to erase Alastor being aroace. The way I see it, he’s kinda just toying with reader and grew obsessed once reader became a murderer.

———————————————————————

The morning after your delightful meal, you found yourself puking your guts out. The food did not agree with you at all. You wonder how Alastor’s body did not reject your food. Maybe it was all guilty’s conscience, but you’re not guilty for what you did.

Alastor holds your hair back, rubbing small circles on your back. “Oh my, what a way to start the morning. It makes me wonder if you’re perhaps pregnant.”

You shoot him a look, “Please do not say that, I beg of you.” No, you’re not pregnant, and Alastor knows you’re not pregnant. But if you are. . . That means you’re all to himself. You will have no choice but to depend on him even more. Even if you decided one day to leave him, you can’t. Nobody other man wants a tainted woman with children. Maybe one day he should get you pregnant.

Oh he absolutely knows that his dear wife has committed something awful and he’s proud of you, although he won’t admit it, yet. For now, he’s here to support you through the aftermath of your actions.

He could even recall his first kill, it was messy and uncoordinated, and the gore did not sit right with his stomach. But he hopes that his wife does not meddle in the business no longer. All you must do is sit pretty and be the doll you are. The sweet wife who cleans the house and cooks for him and cares for him dearly while being oblivious to the fact that your husband is out and about, killing many people.

But he’s curious. You might be just like him and the thought of that makes him want to grasp you in his hands tightly. To keep you all to himself and keep you away from anything that could take you away from him. At the same time, he wants to test you, push you further into insanity until there’s no more turning back and you’re addicted to the feeling of blood on your hands.

You’ve made a decision, you’re going to confess to Alastor. You can’t just keep him the dark about what you’ve done. “Alastor dear, so about Linda. . . I’ve. . .”

“No need to say more, ma cheri. I know.” He says, acting sympathetic towards you. He pulls you into a hug and you can’t help but burst into tears. He pats

“My dear, you’ve had such a bad morning so I believe you should go out and treat your pretty self with something,” He hums, combing your hair back.

“But-“

“I insist dear. Allow me to tend to the home and when you get back, you’ll be treated to a nice meal. How does that sound?”

Your lips pursed in thought. “Fine, but only because you insist.”

The phone rings.

“I’ll take that, mon cheri. Now I’ll allow you to get yourself all pretty and I’ll get you some money for you to spend.” He kisses your head and leaves you be.

———————————————————————

An outing is just what you needed, although it was not to relieve your nerves. You only felt guilt for having stained your hands with red. That matters not, anymore. Alastor says to relax and enjoy your outing and that is what you’d do.

Now that you’re out, Alastor prepares to go out. He puts his gloves, “I should prepare a freshly cooked meal for my dear wife. It’s about time I went hunting.” He hums to himself and leaves the house.

———————————————————————

The sound of chopping is heard through the kitchen. Chopped vegetables are put aside and Alastor is seen kneading a sort of meat. After he’s satisfied, he chops the meat and sets it aside.

“Let us see,” He says, squatting down to the body by the kitchen island. He reaches inside the abdomen, a squelch being heard as his hands move deeper. “Ah, there it is!” He says cheerfully as he cuts out the intestines.

After squeezing the contents out of the intestines, he looks up at the clock. “Oh dear me! It’s about time my dear Y/N comes home!”

It’s already 5 and he expects you to be home in about an hour.

He continues to grind away the other organs and meat before stuffing the intestines, making the sausages for the jambalaya.

After an hour has passed, you are back home. As you were about to reach for the handle, the door opened, revealing Alastor. “Welcome home ma cheri!” He greets you with a smile, pulling you in for a hug. You reciprocate and kisses his cheek. “What have you got there?” He asks, motioning to the bags.”

“Oh I’ve only bought a few dresses. Nothing out of the ordinary,” You shrug, putting the bags down.

“Then I should expect a show from you then, is that correct? Give me a little twirl in each dress?” His voice deepens as he tilts your head up to look at him.

“If that’s what my dear husband wants,” You say, almost as if you’re purring.

Alastor hums in approval and pulls your lips into a kiss. His arm around your waist, pulls you in, pressing your body against his. “Oh my pretty doll, you’ve got me all distracted.”

“And it is my fault?” She chuckles.

“Yes dear, it’s your fault for being so gorgeous, however I cannot complain about that. Come now, I’ve made jambalaya. Let us eat before it gets cold.”

You follow him immediately to the dining room. “How I love jambalaya. I’m grateful you’ve introduced me to one of your favorites.” You smile as you sat down. “You didn’t put shrimp?” You ask.

“I’ve decided to add some meat instead,” Alastor says, placing some food on your plate.

“Well anything you cook is delicious. I’ll enjoy every bite!” You beam.

The two of you continue to eat and chat. While doing the dishes, the door bell rings. “I wonder who that might be?” You say confused, not expecting any visitors.

Alastor goes to the front door and opens it with a smile. “Hello, how can I help you fine gentlemen?”

“We’re with the police, I’d just like to ask about your neighbors.” One of the officers say.

“Well of course!” Alastor remains to smile, however he is irritated, not that anyone notices.

“Who is it Alastor, dear?” You say, walking behind him. “Oh! Well hello officer!” You immediately put a bright smile. Alastor wraps an arm around your waist.

“Yes, you must be this fine gentleman’s wife. We’d just like to ask if you folks know anything about Mrs. Linda and perhaps Mr. Connor?” The officer asks.

“Connor? Well what could have possibly gone wrong?” Alastor says in confusion.

“Well officer, last night we got a call from dear Connor and just earlier before that, I believe during the afternoon, Linda paid me a small visit,” You answer.

“Is that so? Well ma’am, did she enter the home?”

“Yes she did. Just for a couple minutes though.”

“Anything in particular happened? Arguments, anything?” The officer pushes on.

“Oh of course not! Linda and I may only be acquaintances but I do not harbor such ill feelings for her.”

Alastor squeezes your waist, “You see, my dear wife is far too good for her own good. Far too oblivious to the world, but who can blame her. She’s a doll after all.”

You smile at the officers, looking very innocent.

“Why, I see why you married such a beautiful lady,” The officers chuckles. “Well did she say anything before she left?

“No sir. . . Well she did complain about how she suspects her husband of have a mistress,” You answer.

Alastor adds, “The couple do tend to have a tendency for infidelity. There’s neighborhood rumors of one of the kids not even being Connors’! It’s no surprise though. They say Linda sleeps with other men.”

You gasp, “You mean that man she was with that one day-!”

“Oh no need to worry your pretty little head about it. That is not our problem,” Alastor says.

“And the call you received from Mr. Connor?” The officer asks.

“Oh he just called to thank my dear wife for her generosity. She was kind enough to bake the family a pie. She’s a rather good cook,” Alastor answers with a smile.

“Well you see, both of the couples are missing and have left their kids unattended.”

“Oh that’s awful! Are they okay?” You ask with worry.

“They sure are. If you happen to hear anything about them, please do give a call, thanks for your time,” The officer nods and leaves.

After Alastor closes the door, you immediately broke into a sob. “They’re out to get me Alastor! They’ll get me!” You cling to him.

“My dear you won’t, I promise you they won’t. I’d do anything,” Alastor says in a hushed voice.

“I-I’m the last to have seen Linda and Connor! Now Connor is gone too! What if they think I am the one who killed him!” You cry hysterically.

“My dear, have you not seen yourself? No one would believe that a small thing like you could have possibly killed someone,” he reasons.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course dear.”

———————————————————————

“Must you really go, Alastor?” You plead, grabbing his hand.

“I’m afraid I cannot skip out on work today, mon cheri. But what if they get me? What if I can’t see you again?” You say with worry.

Alastor chuckles. Your clinginess used to be something that annoyed him but not finds adorable. “Remember what I said last night?”

You nod.

“So you’ll let me go right?”

You nod and let go of his hand.

“Good. Now I’ll be back later, my dear.” He kisses your forehead and walks out the door.

He in fact did not come home that night. He was found dead, a bullet to his head. You never landed on the suspect list, as Alastor was found to be the serial killer of New Orleans.

[kidicaruslover911]

Omg yes pleaaaaase make a part two of the lesbian vampire knight!!! Its three of my favorite things combined into one person and I absolutely loved it 😭😭😭

vampire knight!arlecchino alternative universe headcanons pt.2

first part can be found here!!

tw: ok…definitely yandere🙂‍↕️!! WLW, nsfw, g!p arlecchino, finger sucking, uhhhh blood drinking, gaslighting, guilt tripping, breeding kink…toxic yuri if you squint, maids being bitches, reader turns into a vamp ayyy, arle really fucking ‘loves’ the reader i suppose…

a/n: kept listening to the slowed version of sour switchblade by elita for this one cuz that’s the vibe vampire knight arlecchino is giving me

not the biggest fan of how this turned out but i tried i guess… now walk with me.

vampire knight!arlecchino who has you leaning against her in your shared bath, pressing tender kisses to your temple while playing with the delicate locks of your hair, warm and steaming water clashing with the undead’s skin but you even now that you’ve come down from your high, you don’t mind. it actually almost feels natural.

vampire knight!arlecchino who whispers to you about her past sinful life, reason as to why she has found herself walking this earth again, but this time as a literal cold blooded one.

vampire knight!arlecchino who tells you about how she had served another crystal like empress a very long time ago, not exactly as cold as she was reputed to be, wise and fair…how she was chosen and given the title of ‘the knave’ as the fourth strongest out of eleven harbingers who served a ‘better cause’.

vampire knight!arlecchino who has your heart tied up in knots when you find out about the people she has left behind with her death, people who she failed to protect, the ones she loved and cared for so deeply: her children.

vampire knight!arlecchino who becomes more than just your knight, without her you’re practically lost now. she’s you’re voice of reason now, the one who knows what’s best for you, of course you know that..

vampire knight!arlecchino who has to make you understand that she cannot go through another loss like this again, which is why she has to remove all these people that keep standing between the two of you, people who obviously do not have the best interest for you, not like she does.

vampire knight!arlecchino who, the more the months pass, the more she has you questioning your own mortality and who you start being afraid to die before…a sacrifice you’re seriously considering to make for her, because you do care about her after all, right? you do want to stay…you do want her to stay by your side and you don’t actually want her leaving you…you won’t have her leave you.

vampire knight!arlecchino who slowly has you loosing a grip on time with how isolated yet purposefully entertained she keeps you.

vampire knight!arlecchino who the maids have no choice but to obey to, the letters you send to your parents being blocked unbeknownst to you and the vampire never seems to directly answers your questions regarding them.

vampire knight!arlecchino who despite her forceful affection for you, wants to leave the choice of turning you to you and yourself only, as long as you’re not taking too long to pick a side; one thing she won’t have happening is your own death…so choose wisely.

vampire knight!arlecchino who plants kisses to your wrist with no prior warning to fluster you.

vampire knight!arlecchino who tries not to creep you out with the fact that she really, really really loves your taste on her tongue..

vampire knight!arlecchino who shapeshifts into a cute bat whenever she’s feeling playful.

vampire knight!arlecchino who has the entire staff gossiping and buzzing profusely the morning after your lovemaking and shuts it down with one glare the moment she steps foot within their vicinity.

vampire knight!arlecchino for whom you order the maids to remove all the garlic and religious symbols they had purposefully placed all around in your castle after hearing the deceased gardeners (truthful) claims.

vampire knight!arlecchino who believes to understand that your wish to be turned by her was simply something you had said in the heat of the moment during your passionate night…but she stays stoic.

vampire knight!arlecchino who simply stares at you for a while when you ask her to help you with your silver chain, her slim lips shortly morphing into a smile as she surpresses the urge to hiss and let the item fall at the burning sensation, hiding the scorching marks ever so adequately before they’re all healed up seconds later.

vampire knight!arlecchino who uses every opportunity to taste you once more, your blood; you accidentally scraped yourself? the small wound is already graced by her tongue (with your consent), glistening with spit and eager to have at the tiny amount of wine like fluid. you’re just so irresistible, she can’t help it :((

vampire knight!arlecchino for whom you still need some time to let the realization set in, even after she had already tasted you shortly on multiple occasions, officially offering yourself to her as a source of proper energy isn’t an easy choice; she doesn’t expect anything from you in that regard though.

vampire knight!arlecchino who sneaks in moments to somehow get a small sample of your blood on a daily basis and has to beg her ancestors not to leap at you the moment you suck on a nick she has gotten herself on her finger; the fleeting, metallic yet still puzzling taste of your knight’s cerise fluid gracing your tongue.

vampire knight!arlecchino who didn’t expect to feel so intimate and taken aback by the whole situation and who has to avert her watchful gaze from the sight to compose herself, although the feeling of your barely hesitating and humid muscle sucking at her index does not facilitate her resolution.

vampire knight!arlecchino who only truly rests because you request her to. her kind does not benefit from sleep at night, but again, your wishes are her command.

vampire knight!arlecchino who you soon notice to enter a deathlike sleep when you ask her to actually rest with you and who sometimes actually sleeps in! of course never forgetting to keep a light and caring arm around your waist, light enough for you to feel somewhat at peace and to be caressed to sleep, but still undeniably firm enough for her to be alert as soon as you do as much as to flutter your eyes open.

vampire knight!arlecchino who actually decides to rest whenever she senses that you are laying in deep thoughts, pondering more and more about a life with arlecchino, forever but as a cold blooded one…even if clouded with insecurity, you’re sure the loving feeling towards her is there. you must love her, it is true.

vampire knight!arlecchino who the maids swear has cast some sort of evil spell on you, you’re glowing and that more than ever since she’s been the one taking care of you, even with the many torments that she had you live through and that without any of your knowledge.

vampire knight!arlecchino who confesses to you about her true name, peruere snezhevna, and the many people she murdered including the person who was supposed to be her own mother.

vampire knight!arlecchino who becomes hyper sensitive to your emotions and doesn’t understand the barely sensible yet still present uneasiness whenever you try to talk to her about engaging with the outside world again…your parents-

vampire knight!arlecchino who wants you to stop worrying about things that do not deserve your attention, she’s here, isn’t she? she takes care of you, of everything else and yet you’re still thinking too deeply…

vampire knight!arlecchino who goes on nightly strolls with you, you said you wanted fresh air remember? there it is, right with her, never forgetting to stay close by your side.

vampire knight!arlecchino who guilt trips you when she also confesses (more like you simply piece the events together) about the murder of your past lover, the gardener, the lord you were supposed to marry and doesn’t understand why you’re so unhappy with the lords death specifically…

vampire knight!arlecchino who thought that you’d be happy to have the man dead either way and guilt trips you even more by reminding you who it is that keeps you safe and away from any harm; from all these men. can’t you see?

vampire knight!arlecchino absolutely who despises men.

vampire knight!arlecchino who thinks that in the worst case scenario you’ll grow to love her either way, that is if it should ever get to a point where she forcefully has to transform you in order to keep you alive.

vampire knight!arlecchino who could never truly hurt you, somebody else will have to pay for your wrongdoings, always. you’re too precious to suffer, after all…

vampire knight!arlecchino who’s secretly waiting for you to ask her to turn you, seriously this time…only then will she have ‘no issue’ to let you see your parents again, friends and other family members, they’ll all die before you either way…as for any suitors that you might still have…which you do because of the letters you receive from them but your knight won’t let you read them either way; they’ll be taken care of as well :))

vampire knight!arlecchino who loves to rest her head on, or between your thighs, be it you sitting with her arms wrapped around your waist, your own hands scratching through her hair and herself nuzzling her nose deeper into your lower stomach…it’s where your womb lies. it is still warm and fruitful, something that it won’t be anymore once you’ll have decided about your very restricted fate. at least the feeling of abundance won’t leave.

vampire knight!arlecchino who keeps telling you that she is yours so you don’t forget, because she means it. and you slowly yet surely start to reciprocate that same rhetoric too. the two of you were meant to be, of course you were <33

vampire knight!arlecchino who doesn’t even mind the fact that you quite literally won’t be the only source of physical warmth for her anymore, who’s convinced she’ll feel your heat even when your body will stop being animate.

vampire knight!arlecchino for whom you get small and harmless injuries more frequently to have her taste you some more; you’re still not completely ready to have her sink her fangs into you and this is the most you can do.

vampire knight!arlecchino who doesn’t want you to purposely hurt yourself for her to eat and does end up scolding and bandaging you up most of the times.

vampire knight!arlecchino who you find out is actually fond of music and is nonetheless a great dancer.

vampire knight!arlecchino who unbeknownst to you is preparing you to face your parents again, you’ve been invited to a ball that she will let you attend it with her company of course, as it is literally her job after all.

vampire knight!arlecchino who you thought had been so cruel as to have killed your parents, but who ended up simply ‘moving them away’ and not ‘out of the way’, they left for a longer trip to another nation, and now you’re being invited there at the request of another lord who has taken interest in you. perfect!

vampire knight!arlecchino who’s only reason to allow and accompany you on this trip is to take care of that fellow suitor. and of course, to show your parents that you’ve never been doing better.

vampire knight!arlecchino who helps you apply tint onto your lips and can’t help but ruin it later on the same day, always ending up with her having you either pinned up against a corner of a couloir or soliciting a makeout session right before you bathe.

vampire knight!arlecchino who leads your steps and teaches you how to dance like a proper lady, although she likes to see the informal version of you the most.

vampire knight!arlecchino who’s dumbfounded when you actually start to ask her, to understand and try to learn about the life as a vampire, it surely isn’t just out of pure curiosity and it has her hollow stomach fill with something sparkling unfamiliar, something forgotten yet absolutely wanted. she wants the feeling to stay and after all this wait and patience, it seems that you finally do want to remain with her as well.

vampire knight!arlecchino who tells you that the final bite might either be extremely painful and traumatic if done for the wrong reasons, or the most euphoric moment you’ll feel in this short lifetime, which is why even if you do want this, she wants to make sure you’re ready. although she remains impatient, she’s a professional at showing nothing of the sort.

vampire knight!arlecchino who can’t stop thinking about you actually becoming one with her for the rest of eternity, and who can’t stop touching herself to the picture of you sucking on her finger, tasting her, even when you thought nothing of it, gods…and when your eyes raised to meet with her own sharp yet adoring gaze…she should’ve claimed you right there.

vampire knight!arlecchino you tell after almost a year that you’re ready, you want to die while you’re still young, beautiful and desirable; you want her to turn you into an eternal being and you also want to die for the sake of love and prove your loyalty, just like she already has over and over again.

vampire knight!arlecchino who tells you that young or old, she’ll always love you the same because to her it doesn’t make any difference, alright? she’d be lying if she said that she isn't still somewhat relieved you’re considering to make clear choices at once and that she does not need to make things uncomfortable for you.

vampire knight!arlecchino who double- no, triple, quadruple checks whether you’re sure this is what you want and who’s confused yet still delighted when you allow yourself to descend upon her lap to claim your seat and straddle her, the back of your fingers trailing along her cheek until they find a home to cup them completely, noses touching and mostly your own warm breath fanning against her lips…something that won’t be a thing anymore once your transformation will be fulfilled.

vampire knight!arlecchino who soon understands that you want her to turn you during a pleasurable moment, you’re nervous and want to have some sort of control over the situation before it happens…and who is she to deny your wishes?

vampire knight!arlecchino who at first finds herself exchanging delicate and chaste kisses with you, which leave pleasurable sparks within their wake; and tonight you’re bold, seeking to deepen the connection as you press your body flush against her, arms wrapped behind her neck, feeling each others heaving and shaky breaths fan against each other, soon filling the room with a lively heart thudding against nothing in return; but the vampire’s gasps and equally fervent response of desperate grabbing and shameless licking helps you melt into her and try to relax.

vampire knight!arlecchino who one would have to actually crucify to keep her hands on one place from your entire being, fresh hands tracing and caressing the contrastingly plump and scorching flesh of your ass in return to your needy advances; and those same experienced hands slip underneath the fabric that kept her away from feeling you properly, only to grab and knead higher along the sides of your waist, having you gasp into her mouth for a mere second before she leans away to tend to your clavicle and let her tongue glide, traveling up to the crook of your neck and leaving a refreshingly sinful sensation.

vampire knight!arlecchino who experimentally licks, peppers kisses and lightly prepares you, specifically around your neck in order to leave her mark on you; reddish and slightly purple flowers who’s petals have left their imprint on you. her teeth but not yet her fangs.

vampire knight!arlecchino who soon finds herself barely trembling, you don’t outright notice it yet, but the slightly shaky and uneven when she feels your tongue press against her own with unrestrained eagerness, continuing to keep her intoxicated and drunk on the slowly yet very noticeable throbbing of your warmth against her and the whines they keep on eliciting.

vampire knight!arlecchino who pulls you in close by the shoulders while hoisting you up higher on her lap to have you feel the effect you have on her; her cock, fighting against the restraints of her undergarments and bulging up to your core just for you. it has you freezing up for a short instant, “i hope you can understand my little comrades eagerness, my dearest…i simply can’t help it” and it’s not as if you’re making this any easier for her,

vampire knight!arlecchino who cups your face in her cold hands, thumbs rubbing across your cheeks as she obverses your goddess like features when you tell her that you truly want this, you’re sure and you don’t want to have her waiting for you anymore.

vampire knight!arlecchino who after having you grind down onto her pathetically hardened dick, has a damp spot making itself known fairly quickly down your underwear and you’re getting impatient, both hurrying to rid yourself of your layers of clothing and the vampire almost instantly attacks your breasts and stomach to nibble, bite and quench herself onto a view she had missed; your supple and delectably sweet body…it is clear to her that this truly is what she wants to keep for herself and her eyes only… and that for the rest of her days.

vampire knight!arlecchino who wants to worship you, make you feel brand new, and that for the rest of eternity. to her, it had been her only job from the moment she saw you, truly…even if you still somewhat fail to realize that.

vampire knight!arlecchino who takes her time to kiss, adore and worship your mortal body once more, from your forehead to your ankles, before the both of you are left to fill the room with the slapping of skin, your own sweaty thighs colliding with her frosty ones as you get to lower yourself onto her dick repeatedly, at first slowly letting your walls adjust and expand to its size, now having her fat cock pumping in and out of you deeply and relentlessly, the undeniable scent of your arousal clouding the air; and you love it.

vampire knight!arlecchino who can’t get enough of your sweet pleas, she’s already yours and only now, when she has you working towards your peak do you beg her to make you hers, her claws already leaving their imprints on your innocent skin, heavy tip pushing against that one gummy spot that has you wailing her name in hurried desperation, not arlecchino…her true name; ‘peruere’.

vampire knight!arlecchino who feels that you’re getting close already, firm hands gripping onto her back for dear life and you barely notice your nails drawing tiny moon crescents, actual blood from the vampire’s skin, until you bring them back to caress her face and the woman is hypnotized, overwhelmed actually.

vampire knight!arlecchino who immediately welcomes a first middle finger you push into her mouth, her teeth lightly grazing it as she keeps pounding into your hungry hole, she still has you bouncing on her lap and your slick is dripping down onto the sheets by now, a sole creamy ring forming around the base of her cock as proof for your affection for her. the one you share for one another.

vampire knight!arlecchino who slightly mocks you, “everyone is going to hear you, dear” she chuckles into your ear, not like you care, you’re far too drunk on the electric feeling for you to start feeling ashamed now.

vampire knight!arlecchino who can sense that you’re close and who you barely notice rolling you over to have you on your back for her, she makes quick work to put a pillow underneath your lower back, folding over her shoulders all while keeping herself burried inside of you before drilling her beautiful cock back into your leaking mess again; and this time she’s dead honest, your broken pitched cries driving her to go harder, deeper to touch your cervix and kiss it.

vampire knight!arlecchino who presses her forehead against yours, whispering, vowing things you’re not sure to catch and waiting for you to cum, you’re on the brink of tears once again but she couldn’t care less, the snap of her hips and the force she uses is simply unshakable. “my love, i think about you all the time…about us…” and don’t worry, the very apparent bulge in your lower stomach hasn’t gone unnoticed by the undead one, and maybe she does want to put a baby in you…too risky, but you’d love that, wouldn’t you? her hand lingers right above where your womb rests and she presses down on it, making you squirm so shamelessly; you’re too close.

“i know you’re about to come…you can do that for me, can’t you? my sweet, oh so sweet lady…because i’m about to come for you my dearest, shit-“ she’s lost in rambles, sharing one last feverish kiss with you and as soon as vampire knight!arlecchino feels your core tense at the intensity of holding back your inevitable climax, and you can’t suppress a scream when you finally come simultaneously giving her the opportunity to sink her fangs into your neck with ease without having your full attention on them, your high hitting you like a blur, and making you her eternal mate at once, something that cannot be undone and you’re thankful for it.

vampire knight!arlecchino who holds onto your being tighter than ever before because you are dying, yes, but there is a rebirth taking place as well, she can’t allow herself to slip up.

vampire knight!arlecchino who actually gets to drink and drink such a large quantity of your blood for the first time ever and urges you to lick on the blood left on the crescent of your nails, which even in your drugged like state, you obey. it is her own metallic fluid, and in order for you to fully turn, you need some of hers in your system, it doesn’t really matter how it’s done.

vampire knight!arlecchino who cums hot white ropes onto your thighs and changed her mind about painting your insides white at the very last minute just because….it might be a lot all at once <33 and she still has your parents to meet once again so right now might just not be the most perfect timing.

vampire knight!arlecchino who cradles you in her arms after the deed has been fulfilled and has you feeling as if your brain had been fried yet still regenerated and emptied of all useless thoughts, useless feelings such as fear or doubt, you fully trust your one and only after all now, no?

vampire knight!arlecchino who fears that she was awfully wrong about doubting your own resolve and judgement, and who’s also ecstatic to see that her bite had one effect of ecstasy and not the latter she had mentioned before.

vampire knight!arlecchino who lays there with you for as long as you need, of course one does not turn with one snap of the fingers, and it is only when you notice that your own heart hasn’t been beating anymore for quite some time now and how your knights tight embrace doesn’t seem all that lifeless and freezing anymore that it hits you…. and now you’re also awfully hungry which is something that you have always wondered how you’d be handling that, and of course, arlecchino told you that she’d be ‘taking care of everything’. you’re officially tied to her now.

vampire knight!arlecchino who prefers to ease you into the vital vamp thingies little by little but do not fear when it comes to the food!…the staff is here for a reason after all. ”the maids are here to accommodate your every wish and need, my dearest one” always remember that. and luckily enough, some of them have been gossiping, judging, chattering and spreading their opinions very obnoxiously about you and your ‘whore like ways’ regarding your relationship with your knight, unbecoming of such a fair lady such as yourself, right? good thing that in the end, the maidens always taste sweeter, no matter how foul rotten their souls remain.

bonus: vampire knight!arlecchino who’s definitely going to miss you being on your period :(

a/n: yeah there’s definitely going to be a part 3 with a ball to this and I hope I did right by you dear anon idk why i went so far south tbh.

send me requests if you have any 🤎

[thanksbutno98]

I’ll Handle It

John Price x fem!reader

Authors note: This one is heavy. I really recommend you read the warnings before diving in.

Warning: angst, misogyny, toxic men, illusions to sexual assault, violence, illusion to death, pregnancy, mentions of child birth, labor complications, not edited.

Summary: After being on maternity leave you finally find yourself back at work. Still traumatized by the life threatening labor you find yourself being the object of gossip between some men in your office. Desperately wishing your husband John Price would not get involved.

————-

“Well look who’s finally back.” The melodic tone of Penny’s voice came from just over your shoulder. Before you could fully turn around to greet her she already had her slender arms wrapped around your neck. Her bright red hair brushing against your cheek you felt your heart swell seeing her sweet green eyes and freckled face. Hugging you by the side the pair of you letting out small chuckles and hugging a few seconds longer than needed.

“Happy to be back?” With a thick Yorkshire accent she asked, pulling away. Moving only slightly so she could fix herself a cup of coffee.

“I’ve missed work so much.” You half smiled. Stirring the black plastic straw around the paper cup, your heart ached slightly. You two chatted about everything you had missed and Penny’s latest project.

It had been six months since you welcomed your daughter into the world and it was hard leaving her for the first time. Evelyn and Jj were both at home with your husbands parents, because John had been deployed to another war torn country two months ago. It was hard leaving your baby girl and you wept like a child the whole way to work.

“How do you look that good after having a baby, Indy?” Another familiar voice joined the conversation. Turning you half leapt into Angela’s arms so happy to see your work friends. She hugged you back, brushing her pin straight jet black hair behind her ears as she grasped you by the shoulders and looked you over.

Angela was a tall, extremely attractive woman with beautiful dark complexion and striking hazel eyes. You and Penny liked to tell her she could quit her job and be a model. She was the department head for Anthropology so she was a pretty important woman. She was at the same level as your boss, Sampson. She was a few years older than you and tended to be protective of the women around her. Angela knew how some of the men could be here and had taken Penny under her wing since Penny was fresh out of her studies. Penny was also an intern for you and you had given her a stellar recommendation.

“Working out and running.” You lied. Stepping away and grabbing the blue file you had left on the break room counter.

If people didn’t know you they wouldn’t have guessed you had a baby within the last six months. It had nothing to do with diet or exercise. It was due to almost not surviving the labor.

Having Evelyn was a traumatic experience that left you in the hospital far longer than any mother wanted due to blood loss and preeclampsia. John and your family were told to expect the worst after the delivery; that you may not be coming home. John was a wreck as he was forced out of the delivery room having to be dragged out by security. To this day he still became eerily quiet when the subject was brought up.

It was a little over a week before you were finally released and allowed to go home. You had lost so much weight and that trend continued as you fell into one of the saddest times of your life. The guilt of being so traumatized by everything left you a shell of yourself. Unable to care for yourself let alone your children. You stayed curled up in bed and only getting up to breast feed or use the bathroom. The doctors said postpartum depression was normal but you never imagined it to be so debilitating. John insisted on regular doctors visits not knowing what to do when his normally positive, ray of sunshine wife could not even get out of bed.

John had been by your side every step of the way and truly was your rock in your time of need. He stepped up for you and his family carrying the weight of it all on his broad shoulders. It took two months until you were finally feeling like your normal self again. Finally able to enjoy motherhood to its fullest potential.

It was the hardest time for your marriage and you were no where near ready to talk about the experience at work. Between the memory of thinking you were going to leave John and your children all alone and how traumatic the birth itself was you could not even speak on the subject. It was the most painful and scary thing you had ever experienced and you weren’t sure you’d ever fully recover mentally.

“Well you look amazing.” Penny smiled, handing you half of the danish she snagged. “Still gotta eat.” She smiled sweetly. You happily enjoyed the flaky treat as you three caught up. Talking about the latest finds and gossiping about Angela’s new gentleman.

“Mornin’ Indy!” Clark one of your colleagues walked into the break room with two other men in toe. You didn’t recognize them but that was not too unbelievable. Penny whispered they were the interns. The institution you worked for was large and heavily male dominated. It would be a miracle if you could remember everyone who worked here let alone your department.

“Morning.” You smiled cheerfully. You were reaching your cap on social interaction for the morning so you said your goodbyes and headed for your office. Grabbing one more pastry to snack on.

“Who’s that? She’s got quite the rack.” One of the men asked Clark. Penny believed his name was Lance.

“You should have seen her before she got pregnant.” Clark whistled lightly as if to signify you were quite the sight.

“Oi, don’t be rude.” Angela interrupted rather forcefully.

“Pigs.” Penny added. Leaving in a huff, she glanced over her shoulder to see Angela still scolding the unprofessional behavior they had overheard.

——————

“Don’t you look gorgeous. God, I miss you.” John’s gruff voice echoed through your bedroom. Shifting you pushed the laptop down your lap slightly so you could get more comfortable. It was close to 3am but you didn’t mind. You finally had the opportunity to catch up with John.

“Your beards so scruffy.” You smiled, nose scrunching, giddy to finally get to see your husband even if it was through a laptop screen. He was sitting at a desk in what looked like a storage closet, clearly finding the most secluded place to make this video call. It made you wonder if he was going to try and get away with something naughty like your last video call.

“Can’t wait to be home next week and shave it.” John pursed his lips and smoothed down the unruly, overgrown hair. You could tell he was staring at himself because he peered at the screen and showed you the bit of grey that was just starting to peak out on the underside of his chin.

“I love a salt and pepper man.” You grinned and winked. Making John roll his eyes and snort out a sarcastic laugh.

“Been back at work three days now. How you holding up?” John changed the subject. His face going back to the stoic expression you were use to but his eyes were soft. Head tilted to the side the sternness washing away to a love struck look.

“Look at your remembering. It’s okay. Miss Evie and Jj every time I step out of the house.” You paused, playing with your hair and wondering if you should share everything that was going on. His mother had been driving you crazy but that was not new news.

“That all? You have that look like you’re hiding something.” John’s blue eyes looked darker in the laptop screen as he narrowed them at you.

“Me? Never-“

“Y/N, you can talk to me about whatever’s on your mind. I know you must be lonely.” John spoke sincerely. Ever since you were home from the hospital John had been in tune with you. It freaked you out a bit how watchful he was but he needed to be at the time. Clearly being thousands of miles away didn’t stop that part of him.

John was more worried you were struggling without him and the guilt that came along with that made his chest tight. His mind always wandering back to you being so sick in the hospital and then struggling to get out of bed once you were home. All he hoped was that you were okay and his parents were helping you manage it all.

“I love you.” The words rolled off your tongue tasting bittersweet. John cared about you so much and you had no desire to make him worry about you. Not now, when he needed to worry about keeping himself safe.

“Love you too. Now get on with it.” John smiled sweetly the corners of his eyes crinkling. You took a breath and then began your story.

“Since I got back there’s a few new people. One guy seems to have gotten a bit smitten with me and it’s making me uncomfortable. He’s probably just being friendly and I’m reading into it too much.” You shrugged it off. It did feel good to get it off your chest especially to John. No one listened to you quite like he did. It was like he would hang on your every word.

“Trust your gut, darling. If he makes you feel uneasy steer clear. What has he done?” John asked with an even tone. He didn’t want you to know how his blood pressure instantly spiked at the new found knowledge. Fists clenched off screen until his knuckles turned white; he waited patiently for your words.

“I guess it’s not really what he’s done. I’ve just caught him staring at my chest a few times and Penny told me him and Clark made a few crude remarks about me.” Rolling your eyes you brought your gaze to the window. It was easier to avoid John’s piercing eyes at the moment. You knew this was upsetting to hear. Hell you were livid when Penny told you and you knew no husband wanted their wife being the object of other men’s disgusting banter.

“Crude remarks? Like what?” John knew you well enough that you were withholding details as to not upset him.

“John, it’s not worth repeating. You know how some men are pigs.” You tried to reason but could see he had no intention on stopping until you answered truthfully.

“I’m not going to get upset. I’d prefer to know what these men are saying just in case.” John tried to make his voice sound reassuring but he sounded and looked like he was about to snap someone’s neck.

“In case of what?” You challenged. Not to sure you should continue.

“Y/N.” John’s face dropped into a deadpan expression. He wasn’t use to any back talk at the moment so his patience was non existent. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes knowing your husband was not going to drop the issue. He put up with your stubbornness so now it was time for you to put up with his.

“Fine, they made some remarks about my breasts being bigger now that I’ve had Evie. And . . . Well that new guy asked if I was one of those desperate military wives looking for some fun and if he had a chance.” You babbled the last portion of your rant out so hopefully John did not quite hear you properly. From the look on his face you could tell he did. All preconceived niceties were thrown out the window as you watched John’s lip twitch and nostrils flare. It looked like he was ready to crawl through the screen and go hunt these guys down.

“He what? You need to speak to HR.” John demanded a little to forceful for your liking. His voice deepening to such a low gravely tone you were convinced it had to hurt his throat.

“I already spoke with Angela about it and she said she’s handling it.”

“Darling, if you need more time off I think everyone will understand.” John was being pushy now. This was an argument you two had too many times and he insisted you were not ready to go back to work.

“No, I want to go back to normal. I’ve missed work and I need something more than just being a mom. It’s so lonely being at home all by myself with the kids. And you know how your mother is. I’d be miserable.” You couldn’t help the way your voice cracked. A painful swell of tears pushing into your eyes no matter how hard you fought them.

“One more week and you’ll have me back.” The tone of John’s voice was strained as you watched worry paint over his rugged features.

“I’m counting the days.” Your head hung low as you coughed back the tears.

“Now c’mon, love. No tears.” John pleaded hating that you were crying and he had to start saying his goodbyes.

“Sorry, I just miss you so much.” You hiccuped out, rubbing away the burning tears.

“I miss you every second of every day.”

——————

Closing your eyes you softly sang along with the music playing in your car. Doing a funky little dance and waving the last bit of your sandwich in the air. Taking another bite of your sandwich you grabbed at the soda you got yourself. You had forgotten your lunch at home for the second time this week so you ditched the cafeteria food and went out and got takeout from your favorite spot near by.

You had been feeling nervous and excited all day because after work you were picking John up from the airport. You kept imaging his chapped lips and strong arms. How he would tell you how divine you looked all dolled up for him. You made sure to wear your cutest work outfit and did your hair and makeup with a lot more effort than you normally put in for work.

You knew you looked cute in your slim, knee length black dress with long sleeves and the pair of black pumps. Deciding to wear the gold jewelry set John had gifted you throughout the years. The small gold hoops, sparkling gold bracelet, and thin gold chain with a small diamond looked amazing as a trio. It brought more attention to the much larger diamond on your wedding ring.

“Fuck.” You cursed.

Looking at the clock then down at your skirt that was decorated in crumbs. Brushing away the mess you were relieved to see nothing had stained as you shoved a way to big last bite into your mouth. Taking one last sip of the carbonated beverage you quickly got moving. You had to get to a meeting in ten minutes and you knew you would be cutting it close.

After grabbing your purse and locking your car you began fast walking to the stair case of the parking garage. You promised yourself you would take the stairs since you had stopped working out since John left. Using your hip you opened the heavy grey door as you shot a quick text to Penny saying you were ‘cutting it close’ and asking her to grab the file off your desk. You were too busy typing out the message while you reached the fourth floor landing you walked straight into someone.

“I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have been on my ph-“ you paused feeling the air still in the concrete room. It was a gut reaction to immediately feel fearful. You didn’t know why you just did.

“Not a problem.” Lance the new employee working with Clark smiled oddly. Why was he looking at you like that?

Lance was a tall man, maybe John’s height or a bit taller. He was built like a house and at least five years younger than you. His physique reminded you of Ghosts that one time you met him. He had sickly pale skin and a mop of red hair neatly combed back. Some women may say he was attractive but he wasn’t your type. You hated being around him after Penny told you the things him and Clark had gossiped about you. You could only imagine what they said when the two of them were out of ear shot of anyone.

“What’s got you all dolled up today.” Lance stood in the middle of the landing so you would have to ask him to move or awkwardly scoot around him if you wanted to take the last flight of stairs up to your office.

“Sorry, I-I don’t have time to chat. I’m going to be late for a meeting.” You attempted to move around the built man but he stepped in the way. His hand coming up to your face as if to cup your cheek. You couldn’t help but flinch and step backward blurting out a quick ‘no.’

“You have some food on your face, love.” Lance’s voice was soft and sweet in a condescending way.

That’s when you felt the menacing tension as his dark eyes looked at you like something for the taking. like you were the spoils of war. You were all alone in a concrete stairwell with a man who had said crude things about you. More importantly he was a man you had no amount of trust in. Now he was trying to touch you in a way only John and your female friends were allowed to. Up until now he had been perfectly friendly but that was when others were around.

“I got it.” You stepped back again feeling the cold radiating off the wall that was only an inch from your back. You told yourself if you back touched that wall you were in immediate danger. You pushed his hand away in the same motion and wiped your mouth with the back of your dress sleeve. Seeing a little white smear on the back of the black fabric, realizing you had a tiny bit on mayo on the corner of your mouth.

“Looked nice there, if I’m honest. Something else might look better.” Lance stepped forward.

His insinuation had a cold chill run up your spine, your back pressing into the frigid concrete wall. Heart thumping loudly you swore you could hear John’s gruff voice in your head telling you to ditch the heels and run. But you were not sure you could out run this man who was so much taller and bigger than you. You were scared and it made you angry being cornered in such a secluded place at work.

“You listen to me right now! This is inappropriate, I suggest you move. I’m late for a meeting.” Using your most commanding voice you attempted to side step Lance for the second time but had to halt immediately. His large hand pressing into the cool concrete wall by your head as he trapped you between the corner of the stair well and his arm. Now you were beginning to shake feeling like he was about to snatch you up. Like a mouse who has just been cornered by a cat and it was ready to play with its food.

“C’mon, I bet you’re lonely with your husband always gone. Don’t you want a man who can satisfy you all the time?” Lance continued to speak crude words. You forced yourself to stare him in the eyes as you slowly slipped out of your heels, he didn’t seem to notice. He was to focused on the way your lips quivered in fear and your rapid blinking.

Just then the door opened on the floor above you, the metal squealing loudly. Lance looked over his shoulder to peer up the stairs. Swiftly and with all the power you had in your body you kneed him in the groin and shoved him back. He stumbled backward, a loud grunt and then a stream of coughs leaving him as he crumpled to the floor. Leaving your heels behind you booked it down the stairs and back to your car. Jumping the last few stars until you saw floor three. You were in a dead sprint as you got back to the third floor where your car was parked.

Hands shaking so violently you dropped your keys once you were at your car. Accidentally scraping the paint around the lock as you finally inserted the key and twisted. You half threw yourself in the car slamming the door behind you and locking it. You had your phone in your hand this whole time so you immediately were pulling up your contact list not quite sure who to call since John was not home. With a short breath you clicked on the name your thumb was hovering over. Pressing the phone to your ear you were staring out your window waiting for Lance to come running after you, thanking god John had tinted your windows and put pepper spray in your glove compartment.

“Y/N, was literally just talking about y-“

“Harrison, you have to come get me from work I’m in the car park. Right now, I’m too shaken up to drive.” You didn’t even realize you were sobbing into the phone until you felt your nose running. You felt like you were about to be sick as your chest heaved violently. Panic coursing through your veins you could feel the blood pulsing in your temples and wrists.

“Woah, woah, woah. I’m coming right now. What’s going on?” Harrison was John’s oldest brother and you knew he lived near by your work. You two would grab lunch from time to time. All you could hear in your head was John’s voice telling you to stay vigilant and not let your guard down.

“Some guy, Lance. Just, just come get me please.” You were still sobbing unable to catch your breath as you watched the stair well door intently.

“You get that spot on the third floor you like?” Harrison asked. You could hear his his car starting in the background and let out a deep sigh, knowing he was less than five minutes away.

“Yes!” You half yelled watching as the heavy door to the stairwell opened.

Out stepped Sampson of all people, your boss. Without even thinking you hung up on Harrison and got out of the car. You were shaking like a leaf and in all the years Sampson knew you he had never seen you cry. For any person to be crying like this was alarming and for it to be you he was scared for your safety.

“What the hell is going on?” Sampson was still in his lab coat as he strutted over to you with urgency.

“Lance, he cornered me in the stair well. So I kneed him and ran.” You forced yourself to pull it together but your words came out jumbled and high pitched. Black streaks of mascara running down your face.

“Are you hurt?” Sampson asked his hand hovering by your shoulder not sure if he should touch you. You didn’t answer only shook your head that Lance had not hurt you.

“He didn’t get a chance to touch me. Cuz someone came in.” You placed your hands on your hips, eyes trained on your bare feet against the rough ground. You were trying to catch your breath and calm your racing heart. Doing similar breathing exercises as when you gave birth because it was all you could do on instinct.

“That was me. Called security when I saw him curled up on the ground. Good thing I came looking for you. Penny said you ran out for lunch so I had a feeling you’d be here.” Sampson was frantically looking between you and the door not sure what to do next. The squeal of tires echoed through the car park as you watched Harrison’s black Ford Fiesta swing around the corner and come to a screeching halt next to you.

“I’m going with Harrison. I can’t be here.” You didn’t even give Sampson a chance to speak as you walked backwards to the car.

“You Lance?” Harrison was getting out of the car and you could see he had the intention to break legs. He had a baseball bat in hand so you quickly took it from him scolding him that he was just like John and violence wasn’t necessary.

“No, he’s with security.” Sampson said quickly taking three large steps back as Harrison approached him.

Harrison and John looked eerily similar but John was muscular and looked like he was carved from stone. Harrison was a bit on the chubby side but not quite, never had facial hair, let his hair grow long on top and his voice was no where near as deep as your husbands. Their protective instincts were the same.

The only difference being John would have had a gun instead of a baseball bat. Climbing into the car you watched as Harrison got all the details he could from Sampson before he finally got back in the car to take you home. Allowing you to cry the whole way even pulling over at one point because you had to throw up. Then stopping to get you a soft drink to help yourself from continuing to vomit.

——————

“So why couldn’t Y/N get me from the airport?” This was the third time John had asked the question since his brother had been dodging it.

“Ah, stuff came up.” Harrison deflected pulling into the driveway of your family home.

“Harrison, what am I about to walk into?” John demanded this time. Between being exhausted and the change in plans John was pissed off to say the least. All he wanted was to see his loving wife after a grueling two and a half months. He had just seen some horrible things on this deployment and they were weighing heavy on him. Your sweet smile and warm embrace would start to heal the invisible wounds.

“Look, Y/N made me promise not to tell you. But I think you have a right to know.” Harrison purposefully parked his car behind John’s truck so he could not leave in it. Harrison took a deep breath before as he told John the whole story.

“Some bloke named Lance cornered her at work. From what she said it seemed like she was lucky someone walked into the stairwell before anything could happen to her. She called me crying, I came with a bat. This cunt was ready to do something to her, Johnny. I know it. By the way she sobbed. Even had to pull over to let her be sick.” Harrison kept his eyes on his younger brother. Face pained as he retold the events.

Harrison watched as John had an expressionless face, it was worrying. John stayed silent as he felt the rage quake through his bones, he was going to kill this guy. John could feel it in the back of his head, his hairs standing of edge. The idea of going upstairs and grabbing the .22 he kept in the safe and tracking this guy down. He would not end him quick he would make this piece of scum suffer. The plotting did not stop as the gears in John’s head turned. Making sure to stay stoic as to not give away his intentions.

“John she specifically told me not to tell you because she was scared you’d do something that wound you up in jail.” Harrison clapped a heavy hand on John’s shoulder.

“Where is she?” John seemed calm and Harrison knew that was not a good sign. He was expecting his brother to lose his god damn mind. This level of composure reminded the man why his brother was a Captain, trained to be composed even in the most dier circumstances.

“Last she said she was going to shower.” Harrison barley finished his sentence before John was out of the car and marching into the house.

John walked right past his mother who was feeding Jj. She shouted for him to come back and give her a proper hello but it fell on deaf ears. John did not even stop to take his boots off. His mother shrieking that he was tracking mud into the house on the freshly mopped floors.

Taking the stairs two by two John could hear the shower running. John was about to burst through the door and demand you tell him what had happened but he hesitated. His fingers twitching around the door knob, the reality hit him like a freight train. His sweet, loving, kind wife who he had almost lost six months ago to child birth was behind this door after almost being harmed by a man he did not know.

John stepped back from the door his hands resting on his hips as he took a deep breath. Coughing out as a way to stop the impeding tears from how angry he was John spat on his own floor. He could not be angry coming in that would only make things worse for you. So John cleaned his spit, kicked off his dirty boots and changed out of his military clothes so he would smell more like home. After mentally preparing himself John slowly turned the crystal doorknob to your shared bathroom.

John took in the mess. Shocked you normally kept things in order. Seeing a black dress laying on the floor, the zipper hanging off clearly having being torn in your haste to get it off. Your new lace underwear set was thrown in the trash and dirty makeup wipes littered the counter. Your tooth brush was laying at the bottom of the running sink with the open toothpaste container.

John turned off the water putting your toothbrush back in place and closing the tooth paste. The linen closet hanging open and the normally neatly folded towels hanging off the shelves and pooling onto the tiles floor. John finally made his way over to the shower. You were sitting under the hot water with your head buried in your knees as you hugged them to your chest. You were in his large white shirt that was sticking to your soaked body.

“Darling?” John slid in ignoring the fact he was getting wet.

“I’m sorry. I tried to get myself back in order before you got home.” You brought your head from your knees to look up at John’s face. Your eyes were puffy from crying and it looked like the light had been drained from you.

Taking in John’s appearance you noticed he had been able to shave his muttonchops back to its pristine shape but he looked worried. Of course he was worried he just walked in to a mess and you curled up at the bottom of the shower.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Let’s get you dried and into some fresh clothes. I’m going to take care of this.” You nodded knowing in the moment Harrison had told John everything.

You were still in shock from the whole ordeal but what scared you the most was going back to work. What if nothing could be done? What if you had to continue to work along side someone who was so blatantly prepared to hurt you? Your head began to swim with worry. Trembling under the steaming water you tried to pull yourself together. For John’s sake.

John was already moving. Walking back into your shared room and gathering fresh underwear, your favorite sweat pants and one of his baggy crewneck sweatshirts. He opened the windows allowing the cold air in so you could bundle up under the covers. John called down the stairs for Harrison to put on a kettle and then John went back to help you out of the shower.

You gave him a weak smile feeling so much shame for having ended up in such a dangerous situation. Slipping out of the soaked tshirt you dried yourself off. John was now handing you your clothes ready to give you privacy to change. The last thing he wanted you to feel was intruded on or like you couldn’t have the the space and time you needed; but you didn’t need those things at the moment. You loved him for allowing you to be in charge of touching and space if needed.

Grabbing John by the hand as he tried to leave you frowned up at him. Tears rolled down your bright red cheeks as you tugged him to come back and not to leave you by yourself. The look in your eyes said it all and John wrapped you in his big arms and hugged you so tightly it was as if he was trying to mold you to his chest. He clenched his teeth tightly and realized his nose was becoming stuffy. He couldn’t cry or show any emotion like that. Not while you were suffering in his arms.

“Please, stay with me.” You begged.

John’s heart tightened so painfully in his chest he wanted to start smashing things. He wanted to take this anger and rage he felt and do something with it. But all he could do was hold you while you sobbed into his chest, clinging on to him for dear life. The guilt John felt was all consuming. It was his job as your husband to protect you and he was not home to do that. Now he had you trembling in his arms babbling that you were so scared and how you thought something bad was going to happen to you.

“You’re safe, darling. I’m going to make sure that nothing like that happens again.” John spoke into your soaked hair. For once you did not argue about John wanting to step in and handle things his way. Honestly it was a relief to know John had this handled and you had no reason to worry anymore.

“I’m so sorry, John. I never thought that I wouldn’t be safe at work. I should’ve been smarter or-“

“Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare blame yourself for the actions of a coward who corners a woman when they’re all alone.” John pulled away and cupped your face in his calloused hands. His rough hands lightly squished your cheeks as he made you look at him.

“I won’t let anything happen to you.” The force behind John’s words and the dark gaze of his icey eyes showed you he meant it. You could see it in his face. He would walk, no run, to the ends of the earth for you and back if it meant your safety.

“John? I can’t go back to work if he’s there. I’m scared he might hurt someone else.” You whispered, cheeks squished between his palms and tears pooling between your flesh.

“I’ll handle it.” John pulled his hands away and hugged you again. This time rougher and tighter as if he’d never let you go.

“Please don’t end up in jail.” You peeled yourself away to look up into his icey blue eyes.

“Promise.” John said simply.

“Now, get dressed. I’ll bring up tea and food. Then I need you to tell me everything that’s even happened even if it’s just hearsay.” John and you shared a knowing look. You knew you would be taking some time off work until you had your nerve back and John handled everything.

——————

“How was work?” John’s voice called from the living room as you walked through the back door.

It was your first day back after you took two weeks off and you had been nervous but excited to go back to the normalcy of your job. John had stopped by at lunch with both kids to surprise you. It was his way of making it know amongst your colleagues who he was. You pretend you did not see the death glares he shot certain people you had mentioned or the fact he wore his camouflage pants and army green long sleeve. A way to show off he was military and had weaponry at his disposals.

“Good, no sight of that asshole. He’s still alive right?” You walked into the living room your heels clicking against the hardwood floor.

John was sat on the couch folding laundry. His left foot resting on Evelyn’s rocker as he bounced it lightly to keep the little girl fast asleep. Jj was was waddling around kicking a squishy football happily as the news played on the tv in the background.

John looked completely domesticated in his white t-shirt and jeans. You’d never know he had taken lives and was a hardened man of the military. He gave a warm smile his eyes crinkling and mutton chops nicely groomed as always, gesturing for you to join him. Playfully tossing a pair of his clean boxers at you, they lightly smacked you in the face. You peeled them off with a huff of a laugh and folded them.

“You going to answer my question?” You asked sarcastically as you plopped down next to him. Kicking your heels off and leaning forward to help fold the clothes.

“What was it again?” John asked playing dumb. You knew he heard you so you stared at him a bit serious.

“He’s still alive, right?” You asked keeping an eye on how John’s expression was unfaltering.

“Course he is. Like I said he won’t be bugging you anymore.” Joh turned and raised and eyebrow at you. This was his way of telling to to drop it but that was not going to happen with how stubborn you could be.

“No one knows where he is. He just stopped showing up to work.” You pressed hoping your husband was telling the truth.

“He can’t show up to work with broken legs. Plus he should have put in his resignation.” John turned back to the laundry, folding a white towel neatly and placing it on the coffee table. As if what he just said was normal.

“John!” You slapped your thighs at the admission. You could not believe John would do something like that and admit to it. Well you could believe it and that was the part that frightened you.

“I’m kidding, I broke his arms.” John said smoothly as if that was better.

“John, that’s not funny.” You scolded, tugging at the sleeve of his shirt trying to coax him to tell you what he did.

“Darling, why does it matter? He’s not going to be coming back to your work.” John sighed exasperated. He was pretending like you were getting on his nerves even though he actually found this quite amusing.

“Because this sounds a whole lot like those mafia movies you’ve been watching.” You thought back to how John had watched Goodfellas the night he came back after ‘handling’ everything. The smirk on his face when you agreed that it was hot when Henry Hill pistol whipped the neighbor for groping his girl made you wonder.

“I didn’t do anything.” John reassured, placing his rough hand on your thigh.

“I had a friend of mine rough him up and instruct him that if he showed up to work or the police it wouldn’t end well.” John tacked on quietly.

“That’s a crime!” Now you were getting mad. Unsure what your husband had done to get that vile human to quit his job and never show his face around here again.

“Again, I’m joking.” John hummed. A small smirk tugging at his lips. He was enjoying teasing you too much.

“You ever going to tell me the truth?” You asked feeling your face flush with anger. John turned to you with a smug smile and placed a chaste kiss to your lips.

“Nope.”

~~~~~tag list~~~~~

@exhaustedpotat0 @glitterypirateduck @ivymarquis @crazymela @what-0-life @boredfairy4 @hihhasotherfixations @stephanswhxre @shanjisan @k4es @luvleywrites @kita03-0 @midwesternwitchery @aleynaleia @suckerforbassist @misshoneypaper

[giuliettagaltieri]

Cup of Warm Tea

Pairing: Husband!Gojō x Wife!Reader

Chapter Synopsis: Gojō Satoru is a manchild.

Warning: arranged marriage, implied jujutsu society stigma

Word Count: 924

5 of 9

Gojō Satoru never woke up with anybody next to him in all his life.  Even in his escapades at his age of curiosity, he never stayed long.  He was never fond of bedding anybody too often in the first place.  The guilt ate him up despite him never agreeing to your betrothal.

Yet now, he wakes up to you every single morning.

Your back always turned to him, never crossing the boundaries set between you.  Your hair against your pristine white pillows.  The soft rise and fall of your shoulders.  Even whimpering from time to time, making him cover your goosebump covered arm with the warm blanket.

The first time he woke up to such a sight, he did not know what to do, so he stared at your form until you woke up.  He was fascinated in watching you go about your morning, until you wake him up with tea and fresh clothing for the day.

His morning continues with him listening to your plans for the day as you head to the dining area where you will share your breakfast.

And you will kiss his cheek goodbye as he heads out for work.

The same routine goes on for weeks.

Day by day, he notices how your appearance changes too.

More and more, your clothing starts to have more of the fabric that is blue in color.

And the layers kept adding up.

He was wrapping the bandage over his eyes one morning as he observed how you put your hair up with pins embedded with sapphires and paraiba tourmaline.

“I’m surprised that you can still move, dragging an entire fabric store.”

You give him a small smile.

“It is customary.”  You replied.

He chooses not to say anything after that.  But not even an hour after he left for work, you received a gift from your husband.  It was a wooden fan.

You never go without it from then on.

The women in the Gojō estate made it their mission to hone you to perfection.  Not that they had more to teach you.  You were already well taught.

You spend your day reading.  Or embroidering, to make the elders happy.

The estate house was big.  Much ground for you to explore.  Your new and old handmaidens gladly accompany you in your walks. 

In one of your afternoon teas, you are surprised to see a familiar mop of unruly hair.

It was one of the children your husband had adopted in his youth.

“Megumi.”  You call sweetly.  The young teen boy stops in his tracks, his muttering coming to a halt and his deep frown clearing away to make way for confusion.

“Gojō-san.”  He says unsurely.

Your smile widens as you beckon him close.  “‘Y/N-san’ is still fine.  What brings you here?”

He looks at the small parcel in his hand.  “Uhm…running errands for Gojō-sensei.”

You pat the seat next to you.  “Do you mind if I take up a bit of your time today?”

He shakes his head and sits next to you, his hand sneakily slips the parcel in his pockets.

“Tea and cookies?”  You pour him a cup anyway.

“Thanks.”  He says curtly and sips on his cup.  “Congratulations on your marriage.”

You smile brightly at him.  No matter how big he got, you still see him as the same little boy that Gojō took in.

It was not often that you saw the boy and his older sister, but given that you were the fiancée of the man who took care of them, you kind of bribed them with treats to get them to like you.  You were only a teenager then, you did not know any better.

Megumi, ever so perceptive that he was, saw through your tricks but appreciated your efforts nonetheless, knowing that you meant well.  Also, because you got him out of trouble when he needed a guardian to see the guidance counselor.

Gojō would have picked a fight with the school staff, you were the safer option.

“Enjoying school?”  You ask as you spread marmalade on a piece of pastry and add it on a stack on his plate.

He shrugs. “I guess so.  Met a bunch of weirdos but otherwise okay.”

“Is Gojō-sensei behaving himself?  He’s not giving you much trouble?”

Megumi does not know how to answer that.  He thinks you got the question the other way around.

He quietly sips on his tea and puts the cup on the saucer with a soft clink.

You wait for his response patiently.

“Are you certain he did not threaten you so you’d marry him, Y/N-san?  You are too good for that man.  I swear I’d try to talk to the council to-”

An arm finds itself on Megumi’s shoulder.

“What sort of nonsense are you spouting to my wife, Megumi.”  Gojō clicks his tongue in feigned disappointment.

Megumi leans on his chair and sips on his tea like nothing happened.  “Thank you for the tea, Y/N-san.”  He fishes the parcel from his pocket and slams it to Gojō’s chest.  “That thing you requested.”  He says through gritted teeth.

Gojō smiles childishly at him.  “Thanks, Megumi.  I know I can count on you.”  He slips it to his own pocket and Megumi says his farewell.

Knowing that it is not your business to ask, you turn to your own cup of tea.

Your husband sits on the chair that Megumi vacated, only he drags the chair closer to you until your elbows bumped and then proceeds to gobble up the pastry that you prepared for Megumi.  You hid the slight annoyance you felt and instead just poured him tea into a new cup.

Gojō chokes on a scone and he slams a fist to his chest as you slap at his back but a second later, he was shoving a Danish puff on his mouth.

You shake your head at him, smiling at his display of behavior.  Despite knowing the man all your life, he never ceases to appall…er, astound you.

“So, we had this new kid in Jujutsu High.”  He says in between chews and you nod at him to continue, wiping at the marmalade that smeared on his lips.

Your entire afternoon was spent listening to Gojō’s rambles and gossip in the jujutsu society and you would not spend your time any other way.

Where the Blue Roses Grow

[melzula]

Someone Else

pairings: Zuko x Princess!reader, Zuko x Mai

notes: i was writing smoke and shadow when i realized i should probably give more insight to zuko and mai’s relationship in the fire lilies universe before i delved into the story. also someone requested i cover their conversation on boiling rock so here it is :)

summary: Zuko is forced to confront his past

~ part of the fire lilies series ~

As Zuko struggled against the hold of the calloused prison guards who were dragging him away to whatever punishment awaited him, he couldn’t help but think of y/n.

He remembered the way she’d struggled against the crystals that held her and his uncle captive in the catacombs and how she’d urged him to go on without her to help the Avatar. Her eyes had sparkled beautifully in the light, and it had been the last time she had looked upon him with love and care. Now when she looked at him, her eyes were cold and void of any love for him. They looked upon him with anger and resentment, and he knew he deserved it. He deserved every last bit of her animosity.

Growing closer to the open cell, Zuko began to contemplate the possibility of Sokka’s plan failing. He feared he may never get to see y/n again and make things right, apologize to her for the hurt and anguish he’d caused, and she’d spend the rest of her life hating him for what he’d done. The chance of never returning to his Princess seemed a far worse fate than anything the warden had planned for him on Boiling Rock.

The guards finally toss the Prince into the cell, his body colliding harshly with the floor.

“I didn’t do anything wrong!” Zuko protests with a groan before pulling himself up onto the sole chair in the room.

“Come on, Zuko,” a voice chides harshly, its owner carefully emerging from the shadows, “we all know that’s a lie.”

“Mai?” Zuko utters in surprise, his stomach immediately twisting itself into knots. Guilt creeps in his gut at the sight of her, and he dreads the conversation he knows is coming. He’d hoped he’d never have to face her again, but it seemed fate had other plans.

“How did you know I was here?”

“Because I know you so well,” she replies sarcastically, her cold glare never leaving his slumped figure on the chair.

“But how-“

“The warden’s my uncle, you idiot,” Mai chides. Her features soften for a moment as she reaches into her robes, the heartbreak and betrayal overpowering her anger for a moment. However, her wrath returns as she presents Zuko with his own letter. “The truth is, I guess I don’t know you.”

Zuko is silent, his eyes guiltily scanning over the scroll. Perhaps it had been wrong of him to end their relationship in such a way, but she probably wouldn’t have let him live to see another day if he’d looked her in the face and told her there was someone else. How can you look the girl you’ve known since you were children in the eyes and tell her you’d only used her to get over your previous girlfriend?

“All I get is a letter?” She scoffs indignantly. “You couldn’t even look me in the eyes to tell me you were leaving me for someone else?! You couldn’t even leave me my dignity and rip my heart out in person?”

“I didn’t mean to-“ Zuko begins to say, but this only seems to anger her further.

“You didn’t mean to?!” Mai retorts before unfurling the scroll to read the letter aloud. “‘Dear Mai, I’m sorry that you have to find out this way, but I’m leaving.’”

“Stop!” He interjects, subtle irritation clear in his tone and his features. “This isn’t about you.”

“Right,” Mai drawls dully. “It was never about me. It was always about her.”

“Mai-“

“You told me she never meant anything to you, but that was a lie, wasn’t it?” She insists, and Zuko’s silence only infuriates her more. “Wasn’t it?”

“…It was,” he relents quietly, his guilty eyes finally meeting her stern gaze. “But this isn’t about her or you. This is about the Fire Nation.”

“Thanks Zuko, that makes feel all better,” Mai replies dryly before harshly tossing the scroll at his head.

Rubbing the spot where the paper had made contact, the Prince rises from his seat and looks at his ex with an empathetic gaze. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Then why did you do it? Were you just dating me to get over her? Was any of it real, or did you just pretend I was her while we were together to make yourself feel better?”

“You have to understand I didn’t mean for things to turn out this way,” Zuko pleads earnestly, guilt clear upon his face. “It was never my intention to break your heart. I thought being with you would help me feel at home again, and in a way it did. You were familiar, someone I cared about. I thought maybe with time…”

“Did you ever even love me?!” She cries angrily. The truth was ugly, and the tightness in her chest was suffocating. How was she supposed to react to the news that she’d been used by the boy she’d been in love with since she was a young girl? She thought she’d finally won his heart only to learn none of it had been real.

Zuko remains silent, and that’s enough of an answer for her.

“You know, you two deserve each other,” she spits harshly, her words like venom. “A selfish Prince and a selfish Princess. I guess I know what you see in her now.”

“Don’t speak about her that way,” Zuko snaps. Mai laughs bitterly in return.

“I hope she’s not stupid enough to take you back. I hope she breaks your heart the way you broke mine,” she utters quietly. “You deserve it.”

“It’s not like that,” he argues, “I didn’t leave just for her. I have to do this to save my country.”

“Save it?” She repeats incredulously. “You’re betraying your country. Joining the Avatar and going after the South’s water bending Princess? You’re a traitor.”

“That’s not how I see it,” Zuko rebuts firmly. A tense silence fills the room as Mai indignantly crosses her arms over her chest and turns her body away from him. “And I hope you’ll see it that way too.”

“I won’t let you fool me again,” she replies coldly. Though her exterior is hard and angry, her heart is crumbling inside. Mai desperately wanted to know why she hadn’t been enough for Zuko. Why couldn’t he love her the way he’d loved the Princess? What did y/n have that she didn’t? Why her? Why not me?

Their conversation is cut short by the prison guard sent to protect Mai from the ongoing riot, and Zuko uses the opportunity to escape the cell and lock it from the outside. Though he’s free from captivity, he finds himself frozen in place by the girl’s gaze. Her eyes are full of wrath, but they shine with tears that refuse to fall. Locking into her intense stare, the guilt begins to creep up on him again. He’ll never be able to undo the hurt he’s caused her, but he hopes that maybe one day she’ll be able to forgive him.

Breaking away from her gaze, Zuko rushes towards the courtyard to join Sokka and Suki in their escape plan. Mai’s heartbroken eyes still haunt him, but the image is soon replaced with that of y/n’s. Unlike Mai, her eyes had been full of sadness when she’d been met with his betrayal in Ba Sing Se. She hadn’t been angry, she’d been disappointed, and that had felt worse.

His legs urged him to run faster now, his motivation to return home to his Princess stronger than ever.

Zuko was going to make things right, he had to. And he hoped she’d give him the chance.

~~~~~

| atla tags: @sirkekselord @chronic-daydreamer @niktwazny303

| zuko tags: @thebluelcdy @royahllty @the-firebender-girl @ilovespideyyy @yiyibetch @eridanuswave @lammello @a-monsters-love @knaite-solo @taeeemin

| fire lilies tags: @titaniafire @emberislandplayers @kikaninchen-2 @music-geek19 @thia-aep @thyunnamed @haylaansmi @nataliahaslosthershit @idkdude776 @aangsupremacy @thirstyforsometea @ihaveaproblem98 @brown-eyed-thang @xapham @misnmatchedsox @chewymoustachio @that-bucket-hat-gal @chilifrylizard2 @kyomihann @kaylove12 @kiwihoee @freggietale @moon-spirit-yue @bubblegum-bee-otch

[naughtyneganjdm]

Love's Second Chance: A Holiday Reunion - Chapter 21

Summary: Having Christmas morning alone with Negan, Y/N tries to get a feel for how he feels about things with a strong amount of guilt eating away at her for saying no to his proposal. During their Christmas get together, Joel gets angry when people seem excited at the potential idea of Y/N being married to Negan.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Negan Smith, Tommy, Maria, Peter, Elizabeth, Siddiq, Rosita, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60501985/chapters/159023956 Warnings: Swearing, Severe Angst, etc.

Notes: This is the second to last chapter. This is a long chapter with a lot of angst (I guess that's typical by now) -- thanks for taking the time to read this story! I appreciate anyone who did.

Today didn’t feel like Christmas. The time spent in New York with her family and Negan felt more like Christmas than today did. For some reason, there was a sense of negativity and sadness that lingered in Y/N’s heart. Things still felt off. Even after last night, something weighed heavy on her. It felt like the right thing to do with Negan and Joel having that talk, but she still felt guilty. Guilty about denying that job with Negan and telling him no to marriage. And then there was the house that he offered to get them if they stayed in this town. There were so many topics that she had to approach and she had no idea how to handle any of them. Including having Joel insist on having her marry him and not Negan.

Both Negan and Joel seemed to want this relationship for the three of them. Being together was not something they had a problem with. They showed that by the few times they had sex together. And? Yet? They both wanted to be married to her during this whole thing. And neither one of them seemed okay with the idea of not being married to her. Which truthfully? Made it so complicated and it stressed her out. More than she cared to admit.

Earlier Joel had woken up and left to go spend the morning with the children and Tommy. He assumed that the children, specifically Elizabeth would be worried about him if he didn’t. And really? He didn’t make a big deal of it. Negan was still sleeping, so he just kissed her goodbye and left. There seemed to be no tension, but things still felt…off? Maybe she was overthinking things, but she didn’t know.

“You’ve been quiet,” Negan commented causing Y/N to jump as his hands slid in over her hips from behind. Nuzzling his nose in against the side of her neck, he placed a loving kiss there and then wrapped her up in his arms. Squeezing her firmly, she leaned back into him accepting the hug that he was giving her. For hours the two of them had decided to bake and cook together. It was something she usually loved that took her mind off things and kept her busy, but today? It wasn’t working as well. Too many thoughts were running through her mind and there was an undeniable ache that was focused at the center of her chest. “I’m not used to it.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, dropping her hands to hook her fingers with his. Giving them a firm squeeze, she didn’t know what to say to make up for the way she was acting right now. “For some reason, my mind is just very busy.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Negan offered, peppering faint kisses at the side of her neck. It had her eyes coming to a tight close with a long sigh escaping her throat. It felt nice being like this. So why was she so upset?

“I don’t think today is the day to unload all of that because of what day it is,” she stammered, resting her head back against Negan’s shoulder. Having him cuddling her in his arms felt nice. Being with him was a wonderful feeling. So she didn’t understand why she was feeling the way she was. “I don’t want you worrying about me though.”

“I’m always going to worry about you,” Negan reminded her with a huff, his nose nuzzling in against the side of her face. His short beard scratched at her skin and it made her eyes come to a tight close again. “I love you. That’s what people do.”

Turning in his arms, she placed her hands firmly in over the center of his chest. Looking at Negan, he still seemed exhausted. And things did feel different after she turned down his proposal. It’s not like he was mad at her or angry. She just wondered if she broke his heart. And she didn’t like it. But it wasn’t that she was upset with him. Just before it felt like there was something light in their relationship. They were always happy and Negan brought forth the best feelings inside of her. Now? She didn’t know if she hurt their relationship to the point of making him miserable.

Palming up his chest, over the side of his neck and to his face had a faint smile tugging at his handsome features. As the warmth of her hand caressed at the side of his face, it had his long eyelashes fluttering to a close. Tipping up on her toes, she hovered her lips in over his hearing the faint exhale that escaped him at the imminent thought that she would kiss him. Rewarding him with the loving caress of her lips over his had his hands cupping her face in them loosely.

“I love you,” she whispered when they parted, leaving just enough room for her eyes to hook with his. Sweeping her thumb over his chiseled jawline had him smiling and giving her a firm nod. “So much. You know that, right?”

“Of course,” Negan assured her with a weak smile, but she couldn’t tell if it was honest or not. No one was better than Negan at plastering a smile over their face to pretend they were okay. “I love you too, very much.”

There was still pain in his hazel eyes and it hurt her so much to see it, but she tipped up on her toes to press another loving kiss over his lips. There was a silence between them when Negan lowered his head to nuzzle his nose in against the side of her face. Stroking her fingers at the back of his neck, her fingers sank into his hair causing him to sigh loudly.

“Y’know, I thought you’d be having your camera out today,” Negan tipped back attempting to change the subject. “You should be documenting today for yourself and the children.”

“Maybe I’ll do that when people start arriving,” she thought aloud tipping her head from side to side. What was strange is that today should have felt better. She was getting to spend the holidays with her whole family, including Joel and Tommy. Now having Negan here was a good thing. The previous holidays were hard because Joel was dating Tess at the time which meant that she was rarely included. But now they were all together for the holidays. It should have been something more positive. “Negan, I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Negan frowned, his expressive eyebrows furrowing. Maybe this was the wrong way to go about things, but she felt like she needed to apologize. Right now with the house smelling amazing from their baking and cooking, maybe they should have been focusing on that instead, but her mind was weighing heavy. With all the desserts and dinner that they had been working on, her stomach was rumbling, yet, she wasn’t hungry. “You’ve done nothing wrong. Other than get some egg on me earlier with the cookies.”

“For not being in the Christmas spirit I guess,” she came up with the first thing she could think of, but in reality she was really thinking about how she turned him down at that skating rink. Swallowing down hard, Negan simply shrugged his shoulders like he didn’t care. Christmas had always been her favorite holiday, but there was that depression that had set in. So much had been going on and it overwhelmed her to the point of her feeling bad. “I know you wanted today to be very different. Romantic…”

“I’ve enjoyed my morning with you,” Negan hushed her, placing his finger delicately over her lips to silence her. “Don’t apologize for something like that. Sometimes we all feel a little down and we can’t exactly help it.”

“You shouldn’t continue to be this nice to me Negan,” she insisted with a saddened breath. Truthfully? She never really felt like they got to that point of talking about what happened. “Your proposal was beautiful and I ran off on you.”

“It’s fine,” Negan shrugged it off, forcing himself to look away from her. That was a lie and she knew it. Grasping his chin between her thumb and index finger, she forced Negan to look at her. “What do you want me to say Y/N?”

“Be honest with me,” she responded, urging him to open up to her.

“Fuck, I don’t know what to say,” Negan reached up to pull her hand away from his face, grasping her hand firmly in his. “You just weren’t ready and it’s not what you wanted. I’m not going to be mad at you for it. You want something else and I’m going to find out what that is first. Everything else? We’ll figure out those details.”

“I still don’t think you’re being honest with me,” she stressed to him, shaking her head at his answer. “And that’s not the relationship that I’ve had with you. I think I broke your heart.”

“Does it make you feel better if I say yes?” he wondered, his hazel eyes narrowing with his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat.

Considering the question, she felt an ache growing at the center of her chest and she shook her head slowly, “No, not really.”

“Then why would I tell you that? The last thing I want to do is hurt you. So why don’t we just forget about it?” Negan suggested with a slight smile that just seemed like one of those fake ones that Negan had plastered on his face most of the time. Going to move around her toward the kitchen after placing a gentle kiss over her forehead, she stopped him by grabbing a loose hold of his wrist. Something about this was stressing Negan out. “I’m used to it Y/N…”

“Used to what?” she was trying to understand the things that he was feeling right now.

“Losing out to Joel,” Negan turned on his heel, his stare meeting hers again. Shrugging, it looked like he tried to say something more, but nothing else came out. Hearing that from Negan actually hurt more than she thought it would. “I’ve lost out to him my whole life Y/N.”

“That’s not what it was,” she tried to suggest, but Negan tipped his head to the side with his dimples becoming more prominent. Clearly he disagreed.

“Isn’t it?” Negan breathed out, throwing his hands up in the air. “I understand the job. You’re worried about the children? Okay. But refusing to marry me? Did that have anything to do with the children? Or was it because you still love Joel?”

There was a silence that came over them with Negan nodding his head, “See. I’ve been losing out to Joel in your eyes since he moved to this town. All it took was one look at him and you were in love with him. It didn’t matter how much I loved you or what I did, I wasn’t enough when it came to Joel. That night at the skating rink? It meant a whole lot more to me than it did you and I understand that. I just thought…I thought after everything you’d want to marry me. But you don’t. I think if Joel was still with Tess, you might have said yes, but since Joel is single? It’ll never happen. If Joel is an option, I’ll never have you. And I’ll have to learn to live with that. It just hurts. All I want to do is make you happy because I love you so fucking much. So I’m doing my best to hold down that sadness that I’m feeling. Because I don’t want to hurt you. Does what happened the other night hurt? Yes. Yes it does. But I’ll get over it. Just like I did when I was younger.”

Not sure what to say, she dropped her head down and heard Negan sigh loudly, “I was just too late again. Which seems to be my fate.”

“Negan,” she began, an undeniable lump growing in her throat. There was one thing that ate away at her this whole time. And she really believed it. She didn’t think she was good enough for Negan. She told Joel that she deserved better last night, but the more she thought about it? She really didn’t think she did. “I’m not good enough for you. You are everything women dream of having…”

“Listen, as upset as I am,” Negan placed his hand in over the center of his chest, “it doesn’t mean you are losing me Y/N. You still have me. I’m not going anywhere. I just have to realize that I’m going up against what? Two and a half decades of you being in love with Joel Miller? How does one compare to that?”

“Negan, you’re perfect,” she tried to reason with him, but he stepped forward with a hushing sound. Holding his hand up, he didn’t want her to continue. “I’m just saying…”

“I’m saying you’re wrong. I’m not perfect. I’m nowhere near it. Deep down? Joel Miller is probably a better man than I am. I know that. I fucked up bad for a while,” Negan explained to her, an evident sense of pain in his tone as he spoke. “So maybe he’s the one that deserves your love. And he’s the luckiest man in the world to have you love him as much as he does.”

“I don’t know how to make this better,” she confessed with a saddened exhale, hating that Negan seemed to be as upset as he was. “You have no idea how much I love you.”

“And I’m lucky you do,” Negan breathed out, stepping forward to palm down in over the side of her face. “I think you love me. I just think Joel Miller cemented himself in your heart and I’m not sure he’s ever leaving it.”

A tremoring breath escaped her throat with Negan saying what he did. Offering up a weak smile, he leaned down to give her a faint kiss, “How about we open our Christmas gifts early?”

“Negan,” she thought this was a conversation they really should have continued, but instead she realized that he just wanted to move on. “You don’t want to do that with everyone else here?”

Earlier they had already put all the presents out by the tree when they first had gotten up. Shaking his head, Negan led her toward the Christmas tree where all of the presents circled the bottom of it. Later she knew that Joel would undoubtedly feel bad about things because Negan went a little overboard with pampering Elizabeth and Peter.

Getting her to sit down on the couch, Negan went over toward the back of the Christmas tree where he had a bag leaning up against the wall. Moving in beside her, she noticed that there were multiple presents in there for her, “Negan?”

“Don’t worry, none of them are an engagement ring,” Negan joked, but she didn’t think it was funny considering the topic they were just talking about. Guilt was eating away at her and she knew that he could obviously tell that it was still bothering her. “It was a joke.”

Joke or not, it made her feel bad, “I just felt bad because I only got you one gift.”  

“That’s okay,” he shrugged his shoulders, looking down at the items that were in his hands. “These aren’t that special anyways.”

Over the last few days, Negan had asked her to marry him. He bought a house that he said would be theirs if she wanted it. A house that was their childhood dream house. He got her a contract with a famous baseball team that she turned down and he offered to let her live her dreams that she had growing up. What else could this man possibly give her?

“Here, you can open this one first,” Negan held out the bigger item and she shakily accepted it. Stroking her fingers over it, it wasn’t hard to realize that it was some kind of book underneath the wrapping paper. Starting to open it, she realized that was exactly what it was. A vintage looking photo booklet. Taking the wrapping paper, Negan set it beside them on the floor and turned to her. “With the help of my mother, I made this. It was supposed to go with…” Negan paused wondering if he should say this or not. “It doesn’t matter.”

Opening the front cover, she felt a lump growing in her throat at the young photos of them together. This was meant to be a gift the night he asked her to marry him and she knew that. Flipping through the pages, guilt ate away at her. It had a whole timeline of them together up until Negan was seventeen. And then there was a massive period of time that was missing up until their date at the first party they attended together. Then there were tons of photos of them together from over the last few weeks including the children and Joel. Closing up the booklet, she fought the urge to cry. She didn’t know why, but instead she feigned a smile and leaned across to press a loving kiss in over his cheek.

“And this one is kind of…well, I guess it’s kind of lame,” Negan explained handing it over to her allowing her to open it up. Inside it was a very nice bracelet with a few stones in it. Pointing toward them, Negan cleared his throat and circled it with his finger. “It has your birth stone along with Peter’s and Liz’s. I thought it would be something nice for you to have.”

“That’s actually really nice,” she explained in an uneasy tone realizing this had to have been incredibly expensive. “Are you sure you want me to have this?”

“Of course I do,” Negan assured her, helping her with the bracelet. Putting it on her, Negan hooked it together, fumbling at first but then he gave her a smile. It was then she realized that the bracelet matched the ring that he had when he asked her to marry him. And there was the guilt again. It was a nagging, aching pain in the pit of her stomach. “It looks good on you.”

Setting out two more boxes, Negan put them before her on the coffee table and shrugged his shoulders, “These are kind of pointless. I guess. But I thought you’d like them.”

“How many more gifts do you have?” she wondered, sliding forward on the edge of the couch to reach out for one of them.

“Just these two,” Negan explained with her slowly opening the first one realizing that it was an addition to the Christmas village that she had set up in the nook of her front window. It looked like it was an extensive Christmas castle that had a lot of bells and whistles compared to the ones she usually bought on sale. “I figured since I bought you your first one, I’d add to the village. Give you some more pieces to remind you of me.”

Opening up the next gift, she gazed upon the box to see that it was another piece to add to her Christmas village of characters ice skating that were supposed to move. Everything Negan gave her had some kind of special meaning. He went above and beyond, yet he labeled these gifts as lame or not that special. When, in fact, they were very special.

Setting the boxes on top of the coffee table, she turned on the seat to lean across to hug Negan firmly in her arms. It took a moment for him to wrap her up in his arms to return the gesture. Cuddling her head in next to his, she stroked at the back of his neck and felt her heart pounding inside of her chest. Maybe the feeling right now she was feeling wasn’t guilt, but regret? Or maybe it was a mix of both. Negan was perfect in every way possible. Especially when it came to her. And he was more romantic than Joel was ever capable of being. So thinking back on saying no bothered her. Especially since she had him confirm for her that it broke his heart.

Even though she didn’t want to, she could feel that her eyes were burning. Tears were not something that she should have had right now. Pulling away from Negan, she tried to turn away from him to hide the emotions that were building up, “We’re going to have to add these to the town before tonight. Find a space or move some things around.”

“Hey,” Negan whispered, his finger curling in underneath her chin to get her to look at him. Trying to fight it, she knew that Negan wouldn’t give up on it so she finally looked to him. Sweeping his thumb against her cheek, Negan’s face scrunched up. “What’s wrong?”

“They are just very sweet gifts Negan,” she was honest with him in the sense that she truly believed they were very nice gifts. Turning toward his hand, she placed a faint kiss at his pulse point and lifted her hand to press it in against the back of his. “Now I kind of feel silly about the gift that I got you.”

Trying to avoid the inevitable deeper conversation that would lead to her undoubtedly crying, she got up from the couch and moved over toward the Christmas tree. Pulling out the gift she had gotten for him, she headed back to the couch. It was heavy and she knew that she had to be careful with it. Negan’s eyebrows bounced up with surprise seeing how heavy it was.

“Careful,” she warned, handing it off to him before taking a seat beside him. Setting it on the coffee table, he listened to her directions even in the way that he was unwrapping her gift. Once he finally got it unwrapped, she felt nervous with the way he was eyeing over the gift. It was a shadow box that she had gotten personally made for him. “It’s dedicated to your favorite football team, but I’m sure…obviously you can see that. It lights up when you plug it in. It’s supposed to be a miniature of the original stadium that you went to as a kid. This part is an autograph from your favorite player when we were kids and I guess this was a piece of his jersey.”

Instead of saying anything, he continued to eye over the piece and it made her feel self-conscious about the whole thing, “Now thinking about it, this was probably a really stupid gift to give you. You’re rich so you probably already have his autograph and this is probably a very stupid gift because it’s cheap. Well, it wasn’t cheap for me. But for you I imagine…”

“Hey!” Negan stopped her from continuing on, lowering the shadow box and giving her a big smile. “I love it, so please stop attacking the fuck outta my Christmas gift. Okay?”

“I just…” she noticed the expression he gave her and she huffed. After everything he had done for her, this all felt very poor in terms of a gift to give him. “Okay.”

“This is really cool,” Negan assured her looking it over again. “And it’s very personal as it’s my favorite, and, you remembering my favorite player from when we were kids? I think that’s awesome. It’s better than my gifts.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. Your gifts always have so much thought in them,” she acknowledged feeling ridiculous that he had done so much for her and this is what she had pulled together for him. “I’m sorry it’s not better.”

“Knock it off,” Negan laughed, setting his gift carefully down on the coffee table before him. Turning to her, he reached for her hands and gave them a small squeeze. “You know how much I love my football. I think the gift is really fucking cool.”

Keeping one of her hands in his, Negan lifted the other and swept his thumb in over the curve of her jawline, “I love you and I’m just happy I get to spend today with you.”

“How are you not mad at me?” she finally let her emotions get the best of her, her eyes lifting to meet his. That whole not crying thing? Yeah, that was getting the better of her with everything going on. “What I did…”

“Please, don’t…” Negan hushed her, sliding forward to pepper kisses over her face when he realized that she was crying. They were soft and tender attempting to calm her. “I don’t want you to feel like this because of me.”

“I just feel guilty,” she declared, hating that she knew how much she genuinely loved Negan and how good he made her feel. “I want everything you offered, I do, but then I know I have all my responsibilities here and…”

“Joel,” Negan finished for her getting a groan from her and he could tell that the idea of Joel upset her. “I understand. We need to make things work for you in a way that makes you comfortable. And I’ve been thinking about everything. I still want you to travel with me during the last season. Even with the offer from the team, I think we could make every two weeks work? I have a friend that might be able to work with me the other two weeks. That way you can be with your family every two weeks like you were originally before I got here.”

“I don’t know,” she felt somewhat on the spot again realizing that he was attempting to make things work for her with the offer to have her work with him. “It’s something to think about. But I’m not sure it’s something I can just say yes or no to immediately.”

“I…I understand that. And?” Negan paused to consider what he was going to say next. “I still want to marry you. I still want us to live together, but I want you to want those things. And if you don’t, then I can accept that and the only thing I want…the only thing I need, is you in my life somehow. Because I love you and I love your family. I want to be around you, but I don’t want you sad. I want you happy.”

“I’m a mess,” she admitted with a frown realizing that even though she tried to settle things last night, they weren’t doing a great job with that. Either of them. Sliding in beside her, he managed to get her to tip her head back to press his lips in over hers. The faint caress was passionate and lingering managing to take her breath away like he always did. “I want you happy Negan and I feel like I won’t be able to make you happy.”

“Honey, just having you in my life again fucking makes me happy,” Negan promised her with a slight grin, nodding his head about. While there was some truth to that, she knew there was more there with him and it was hard. “I just love you and I want you content.”

There was so much she should have said, but instead she leaned forward to rest her head against his. Instinctively, Negan wrapped her up in his arms and held her close. A hug from Negan was what she really needed most right now. He always knew exactly what to do when she needed it and she loved that about him.

Even though he was saying this, she knew that he was avoiding the part where she inevitably broke his heart. The glow that Negan naturally had was gone. His smile was there, but she hurt him. Picking worrying about her over himself felt wrong.

All she had to do was get through today and then she could make her decision. Whatever that decision was supposed to be. Because right now, she had no idea.

They cooked for a while longer before she had Negan start to get ready. All day they were in their sweats together, just relaxing. It wouldn’t be too long before everyone started showing up and she would have to pretend that everything was okay.

Allowing Negan to take a shower first, she suggested that she had other things that she had to take care of before she got ready. Instead she sat on the bed flipping through the photo book that Negan had made for her of them together.

It was hard loving two men. There was no doubting that she loved both Negan and Joel. Joel was a significant part of her life and so was Negan. They both stood for a completely different time in her life. And they were so different, yet she loved them both.

Hearing the sound of the shower behind the open bathroom door, she set aside the photo booklet and pulled her clothes off. Moving into the bathroom, she reached for the shower door and pulled it open. Looking back over his shoulder at her, Negan gave her a charming smile and turned to face her as she joined him.

“I thought you had something to do?” Negan reminded her, reaching out to caress in over her sides when she stepped in under the water with him. By the way she was looking at him, he knew that her mind was still busy with overthinking things. Frowning, he pressed in closer to her and lowered down to deposit a faint kiss against her lips. “Y’know, you don’t have to marry me if you don’t want to. I didn’t think it would make you this upset.”

“No, that’s not completely it Negan,” she hushed him, caressing in over the side of his face. Closing his eyes, Negan leaned into her touch and the expression over his face made her heart race. “It’s hard to explain.”

“Make me understand,” Negan pled, hooking his fingers with hers and turning into her touch to place a kiss over the center of her palm.

“I’m not sure I even understand it,” she reasoned with him, shaking her head at the thoughts swirling around in her mind. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been as happy as I’ve been when I’m with you. I’ve been miserable until you showed back up into my life. Elizabeth and Peter were my only joys in life. When you came around? I started enjoying life again. I just panicked when you asked me to marry you and I responded so poorly. Both the guilt and the regret are flooding through me.”

“Regret about starting a relationship with me?” Negan wondered and she immediately shook her head.

“That I didn’t say yes,” she stated having a hard time looking at Negan. It didn’t last long because Negan was caressing over the side of her face leading her to look up at him. “You’re everything I want.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Negan questioned with a frown having her lean in to rest her head against the center of his chest. Stroking his fingers over her shoulders, Negan allowed her the moment to calm herself.

“Everything else. For so long I’ve put everyone else above my needs. Being with you? I’d finally get everything I dreamt of growing up. You can give me that life,” she thought aloud, tipping her head back slightly to look up at him with worry in her eyes. “But I haven’t been that person for almost twenty years Negan. I never deserved that life and what I’m meant to do is help those that are here.”

“Don’t you think it’s time that you even it out? Be there for those you love, but also allow yourself things that can make you happy?” Negan reasoned with her, knowing that she was being too hard on herself. “I don’t think it’s bad to want good things for yourself.”

Taking a moment to consider things, Negan sighed loudly and bit down on his bottom lip, “I know that he might think it’s weird, but this poly relationship thing? Joel might have a hard time with us being married at first, but I think if we work on it, this whole thing will be fine. Obviously, the three of us can’t all be married, but we can get him a ring, like a promise for the three of us. I don’t care what other people think about it and neither should you or Joel.”

“Have you seen the way people already talk about me on the internet?” she blurt out followed by Negan’s nose wrinkling and he snorted. These were all things that sounded nice, but she did know that Joel was right in the past. A lot of people would judge them for their decisions. “It’s not funny.”

“Have you seen the way the people on the internet talk about me?” Negan shot back, his eyebrows arching up when he shook his head firmly. “The internet is a cesspool of nasty people who thrive on negativity. They are so miserable in their own lives that they want to attack others to lift themselves up. I wouldn’t let anything on the internet bother you.”

“People think I’m using you and in a sense I feel like I am,” she claimed getting an eye roll from Negan. But these were things she let weigh heavy on her after she started thinking about them. “You’ve done so much for me Negan and what have I done for you?”

“If you think you have done nothing for me, you’re insane,” Negan retorted, cupping her face in his hands again. “Look at me,” Negan persuaded her to keep her eyes locked on his. There was a sadness in her features that made a sharp breath fall from his throat. “You mean everything to me. I went from being a man without reason and now, I realize why I’m still here. Why I couldn’t go through with ending things. I felt empty before we found each other again and now I don’t feel so broken.”

“But I broke your heart by not saying yes and I know that’s true,” she pushed the subject having Negan exhale loudly. “Don’t lie. You never lied before so don’t lie now.”

“Of course I’m disappointed. I love you, but in loving you I have to allow you to decide what is good and not good for you,” Negan reasoned out loud and she felt like this was something that he probably said to himself that night. “I love you and in loving you I want what’s best for you. You can’t make me happy by saying yes if it’s going to make you miserable. I don’t want that. I want you happy.”

“That’s the thing Negan, you make me happy,” she reasoned with him, caressing up over his chest and over the side of his neck. “I don’t doubt that with you I’m happy, it’s just I worry about the children and Joel has just been acting so…different.”

“Meaning?” Negan’s eyebrow arched in curiosity with her letting out a long exhale.

“Meaning he swears he doesn’t mind the three of us being together, but he wants me to be married to him and not you. You both don’t mind this poly relationship, but you both want to be married to me,” she informed Negan who scoffed, looking down while shaking his head. “You’re not happy with that?”

“I’m not surprised by that,” Negan replied back with a snort and she let out a tense breath. One thing she wanted to be was honest with Negan. Since that’s what he was with her. “I know you love him too, so it makes things hard.”

“I can see that you’re upset,” she frowned and it had Negan tipping his head from side to side. “That’s why I tried to talk about the relationship between the three of us last night. I needed to know that you were all okay with it, but I feel like we’re not.”

“We’re okay with it, but we both want to be married to you while we’re doing it,” Negan repeated what he had learned, his chest aching at the idea of it. “Listen? I meant what I said. I’m good with the three of us being together. I want to make him happy just like I want to make you happy. I feel things deeply for Joel. Things that can grow into love. Right now? I love him. But I don’t love him like I love you. I don’t think it should be hard for him to have you married to me while we’re together though.”

“I think it’s going to be hard regardless because one of you is going to feel like you lost out,” she reasoned with a frown. “I don’t think I’m this big prize that both you and Joel seem to think I am. Because I’m not.”

“Then you’re blind to things,” Negan scoffed, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. “Listen, I don’t want to persuade you one way or another. I mean it when I say that I’m okay with this relationship being the three of us. And I will be open about it. And I won’t treat him bad because I want to progress these feelings that I have for Joel, but at the end of the day? I’d like to be married to you. If something happens to me, I want whatever I have to go to you and the kids.”

“Nothing is going to happen to you,” she hushed him, hating that the conversation was going in that direction. The topic was already heavy as it was.

“Regardless, I want you to do what you want to do,” Negan repeated what he had said many times. “If you want to marry me, marry me. If you want to marry him, marry him. You’re not losing me either way. As long as you want me? I’m not leaving. And I’m not upset by the idea of the three of us being together. A lot of people snub their nose at poly relationships and if I’m in one, I won’t hide it. I’ll support both you and him equally. I want you to travel and live your life. I want him to start singing and him to live his dreams too.”

“You’re too good to me,” she hinted to Negan with him lowering down to nuzzle his nose in against hers. It had a sharp breath escaping her lips and she closed her eyes. “I love you, so much.”

“I love you too,” Negan whispered, his hands caressing at the sides of her face. “My biggest mistake was not fighting hard enough for you when we were younger. I just let Joel win. And that’s why we are in this position right now. I gave up and I should have never done that.”

“I still blame myself for back then. You were devoted, sweet and everything that I could ever dream for, but my heart was set on Joel,” she realized the mistake that she made when she was a teenager with Joel and Negan. There was something in Negan’s eyes where he looked uncomfortable and she was curious where that was headed. “What? What is it?”

“I just want you to be most comfortable with whatever it is you decide between me and him,” Negan had taken a long time to consider what it was that he wanted to say. “If you think you trust him more than me…”

“It’s not about that, you I trust more than anyone,” she hushed him sliding her hands up over his shoulders. Hooking her arms loosely around them, she tipped up to faintly kiss at his bottom lip. It had his long eyelashes fluttering to a close and she realized that the hot water was starting to just get warm nearing cold. “You make me the happiest other than my children. I just worry that I won’t be the woman that makes you as happy as you make me.”

“That’s fucking silly,” Negan hushed her, pressing another kiss to her lips. “Because you already make me the happiest I’ve been in a very long time.”

“I don’t know why,” she whispered, having him lower down to bring their lips together again in a passionate sweep. Wrapping her up in his arms, Negan held her close and she felt safe. Comfortable. The most relaxed she had all day. “I’ve fucked up so much.”

“How?” Negan was still unaware of why she was being so hard on herself for everything. Parts of it, he understood. But to this extent? Not really.

“I feel like I’m forcing you into things. And him too. You both tell me that you’re comfortable with the three of us together, but both of you want me to marry you…” she rambled out loud and Negan smirked and shook his head.

“I am okay with the three of us together,” Negan declared, sweeping his thumb across her bottom lip. “You’re not forcing anything. And you aren’t with him either. So don’t go thinking that.”

“But with you asking me to marry you,” she began and he hushed her to get her to focus on him and not her fears again.

“I love you,” Negan whispered in her ear, depositing another faint kiss there. “That’s all that matters to me. So please, for your Christmas with your family, allow yourself to have a good day. Stop worrying about me. Stop worrying about Joel and enjoy your day. Things can work themselves out tomorrow. Okay? But today, just relax and let it be Christmas.”

“Yes sir,” she gave him a weak smile, accepting another quick kiss from him. Welcoming another hug, she let this one last longer than it probably should have.

They finished with their shower and then got ready for their Christmas get together. Even though it was a small group of people, they dressed nicely. It was Christmas, sometimes it was okay to make an event out of things.

Negan’s mother was the first person to arrive because she had gifts for the children that Negan helped her carry in to put around the tree. Pretty quickly it was obvious that Negan’s mother was hopping into the role of a grandparent for them because she had gotten them quite a bit as well. They were no question pampered this year with all the people giving them gifts.

Rosita, Siddiq and Coco were the next to arrive. And they were there for a while before Joel showed up with the children along with Tommy and Maria. When they arrived, she was surprised how relaxed everything seemed to be. Joel hugged Negan when he came in and then kissed her on the cheek. There wasn’t as much tension as she had been expecting between them. Tommy explained to them that he was to blame for them being later because they had gone to Maria’s family brunch beforehand.

Everyone mingled for a little while before they decided to go straight to opening Christmas gifts. Dinner was still cooking in the oven and she was pretty sure that the children were excited to see everything under the Christmas tree. Even though they were teenagers, they still had their youth to them when it came to gifts.

This is where she got to take the time to take photos of everyone like Negan had told her she should do. What was nice was how well Negan and Joel were interacting. Both of them were sitting on the floor with Peter and Elizabeth by the tree helping them pass out the gifts that were there. Surprisingly, if Joel was jealous about the gifts that the children got, he didn’t make a big deal about it. Instead he would show the same excited energy they would when showing him things. And it was a nice thing to see.

After all the presents were opened, Peter and Negan were sitting in front of the television playing one of the games that Negan had gotten for him. Elizabeth was sitting and talking with everyone else. But Joel? He was alone standing over by the fireplace gazing upon the photos that were over the mantle.

“Hey,” she whispered, moving in beside him having Joel gaze over his shoulder to give her a weak smile. Curling her fingers around his wrist, she urged him to turn toward her until her fingers hooked with his. “Your gift is somewhere else. Follow me.”

Leading Joel up the stairs toward the attic, this was when she took notice of the fact that Joel was more casually dressed than everyone else tonight. He was in a pair of work boots, jeans and a plaid button down with a white t-shirt underneath. It was a typical Joel Miller look. Truthfully, it’s what she expected from him.

“Is your gift a quickie or…?” Joel teased with a tip of his head, a tiny snort escaping his throat when they reached the ladder of the attic. A firm shove to his shoulder made him snicker, but he bowed before her. “Ladies first.”

“Don’t stare up my dress,” she ordered causing him to eye over her body.

“I wasn’t going to do that, but then you mentioned it and now I’m going to,” Joel announced with her glaring down at him after she already started to climb up the ladder. “Don’t give me that look. I like what’s underneath that dress, so it would be hard for me not to look.”

“I don’t know what I expected,” she continued up the ladder, being careful in pulling herself up. Waiting for Joel at the top, she felt nervous in the moment. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea for her to have pulled Joel away from the rest of the group. Once Joel got up into the attic, he motioned her to wait and turned on the string lights that he had hung for her giving it more of a Christmas feel. There was a silence that fell over them when he stepped before her rubbing his hands together. When she said nothing, his eyebrows bounced up in amusement. “Oh! Right. Your gift.”

Throwing her finger up, she headed over toward his gift to grab it, “I put it up here so it didn’t get damaged. I wanted to keep it safe and people were less likely to fuck with it up here.”

“Damn, so it really was a gift. I was hoping it would be a blowjob or a quickie of some kind for real,” Joel snickered when she returned, giving him another frustrated glance. “Hey! You can’t blame a guy for trying. I worked really hard to make you that nook and we’ve yet to have sex there. I think I deserve a good romp under the stars for doing all of that.”

“Are you Joel or Negan right now?” she couldn’t help but laugh at what he was saying having Joel dramatically shrug. They both laughed as he accepted the gift that she was holding out toward him. Starting to open it, Joel swallowed down hard when he saw the oversized canvas of him with a young Elizabeth and a freshly newborn Peter in the hospital. “I knew that was one of your favorite photos when we were together. I got that done since you have that free space over the fireplace that you kept complaining about every time I’d come over in the past.”

“Tommy actually got me a painting of a ranch that has horses on it. He gave me it for my birthday and we stuck it up there,” Joel explained to her and it immediately had the color draining from her face. Stammering, Joel held his hand up and shook his head. Well shit, there he went again making her feel like her gift wasn’t any good. “This is perfect though. I’m going to make sure to move that and put this up there instead. I’ll put the other painting in my room.”

“You don’t have to do that,” she frowned, standing before Joel with an uneasiness in her body. “I just knew you always liked that photo and I guess I should have gotten a more recent photo of all of you, but it was one of the last times I knew you were genuinely happy and…”

“I love it,” Joel assured her, clinging tightly to the gift giving her a firm nod. “It’s perfect.”

There was the silence again. Awkwardly, Joel pulled his stare from her and lowered it down to gaze over the canvas that she had done, “Why did you pick something that didn’t have you in it?”

“For obvious reasons,” she whispered, surprised that was his first question. “I had it done before everything happened. I didn’t even know you had broken up with Tess by the time I ordered it. So, I was just trying to think of something I thought you would like.”

“You went out and had this done for me when you thought I was still with Tess?” Joel repeated noticing that she gave him a weird expression.

“I’ve always given you gifts for Christmas Joel. Even when we weren’t together,” she noted, folding her arms in front of her chest. Had he really forgotten all the things she had done for him even when they were divorced? She never forgot his birthday or Christmas.

“Did you give him the gift?” Peter’s voice called out from the ladder making the both of them jump. Somehow Peter had managed to be incredibly quiet making his way up there. When he saw his father holding onto the canvas, Peter gave a big cheesy smile. “I told mom you’d like it!”

“Yeah, I love it,” Joel lifted it to show Peter the photo. “This was the last time you weren’t such a pain in the butt.”

“Haha, so funny,” Peter moved in beside Joel having his father wrap his arm around his shoulders. Patting his father on the abdomen had Joel grunting and Peter nodded toward Y/N. “So, what’d you get mom? Or did you not give it to her yet?”

“I…uh…” Joel’s face went red, his brown eyes looking her over. Releasing Peter, Joel set the canvas down letting it rest against the wall. Shoving his hands into his pockets, Joel looked around the finished attic. “This was supposed to be her Christmas gift buddy. I spent a pretty penny on it.”

“Oh,” Peter muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets and giving a simple shrug. What was interesting was how much what he did just mirrored his father. “That’s cool I guess. A little lame considering it’s Christmas. People want things that they can open.”

“Hey,” Y/N hushed Peter, shaking her head not wanting Joel to feel bad about the whole thing. 

Silence followed before Peter pointed down toward the ladder again, “We should go have dinner! My stomach is rumbling. It smells like the turkey is about to be done.”

“I’ll come check it in a minute,” Y/N assured her son who gave another nod. Realizing that Peter came up here to remind her of the rather large dinner that he was desperate to get his hands on. Y/N looked to Joel who was still eyeballing the gift she gave him. “Sorry it’s not something better.”

“No, I like it,” Joel held his hand up to suggest that it was fine, but she still felt a little silly. Pushing his hands into his pockets, Joel rocked back and forth on his feet. Both Negan and Joel’s gifts felt good at the time she was getting them, but now she felt very self-conscious about the both of them. “I should have gotten you a Christmas gift.”

“Like you said, this was more than enough,” she circled her finger in the air toward the area that surrounded them. Then it made her think about something. Negan wanted to buy that house that was their dreamhouse when they were children if they stayed in this town. Joel had just spent so much time fixing up the attic that she had asked him for. The one thing she wanted so badly when they lived here for quite some years. Joel would be furious with her if she told him that. “Thanks Joel.”

“You fell for that?” Joel scoffed with her heading back toward the ladder to leave the attic. “After everything? You think I didn’t learn anything?”

“Come again?” she didn’t know where Joel was headed with things as he motioned her to move away from the opening in the floor.

“I obviously have a gift for you,” Joel replied, biting down on his bottom lip. Reaching for something from his pocket, Joel pulled out a small box that was there. Suddenly she felt panicked seeing it. “I fucked up in the past when I didn’t get you a gift for our anniversary other than those flowers. You wanted me to show that I’ve learned and that I’m growing as a person,” Joel rambled urging her to turn around for him. “Close your eyes.”

“Joel?” she hoped to God that it wasn’t a ring considering everything that had been going on. Huffing, he spun his finger in a circle asking her to turn around. So she did what he asked of her. Turned away and closed her eyes. Hearing him fumbling, she was thankful when she felt something cool resting at the center of her chest. After Joel was done, he placed a delicate kiss over the side of her neck.

“Now you can look,” Joel instructed and when he heard the sound she made, he realized that she must have seen it.

“You found it?” she turned on her heel to look back at Joel who gave her a weak smile but shook his head. Between her fingers she was holding onto the gift he had given her. “How then? It looks exactly like the old one.”

“Just with newer materials,” Joel reasoned with her while she gazed upon the locket that he had personally made for her. “I found a photo of you wearing it. So I did what I could to make you a new one. I put the same photos in it…”

The locket was heart shaped with a compass engraved on the front. There were a few jewels of some kind that were red in the design. Opening the locket, she gazed upon the photo on the left side that was of her with Joel and Elizabeth. On the right was a photo of all of them with Peter. Smirking, she stroked her thumb in over the locket and felt tears burning at her eyes.

For the longest time, the original just had the one photo with Elizabeth, but when they had Peter, she had gotten another photo added to it. The original had been one of her favorite gifts, but she had unfortunately lost it at a school function that they had on the beach with Elizabeth when she was younger. It wasn’t until she had gotten home that she realized that she had lost it. At the time she assumed the clasp must have broken. She was so heartbroken that when Joel came home that night, he immediately went to the beach and crawled around in the sand looking for it. But he never found it. No matter how long they looked for it. And that was something that had devastated her because it was a gift that had been given to her when they really didn’t have much money as a family.

“It looks like the original,” she pointed out, her eyes tearing over. Lifting her head up, she knew that Joel was proud of his gift. Lowering the locket back down, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Joel’s shoulders. “Thank you. This was very sweet.”

“Of course,” Joel pressed a faint kiss over her cheek. When she pulled away it looked like he wanted to say something else, but instead he led her over toward the ladder. Made sure that he got down first before helping her get down safely.

Peter was right, dinner was ready and Negan had already started preparing everything for her with her gone. So she helped him finish, putting out the food allowing people to plate what they wanted before heading into the dining room.

Y/N was seated at the end of the table. On her right was Negan and on her left was Elizabeth. Joel was between both Elizabeth and Peter. Tommy was on the other end with both Maria and Siddiq deep in conversation. People seemed to really enjoy talking and there were a lot of compliments about her food she made with Negan. Everyone was pretty loud while they talked which meant they were enjoying themselves.

“So where’s your ring?” Elizabeth blurt out when there was a moment of silence, getting her mother’s attention. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Negan had gone pale with him shaking his head. It was in that moment she realized that she hadn’t told her daughter that she didn’t accept Negan’s proposal. Part of her thought Joel would have told her when he got home today, but he obviously hadn’t. Everyone’s attention was now on them with her feeling suddenly on the spot. “You should tell us about everything. All the details. What it was like.”

“What ring?” Peter blurt out with a mouthful of food, his dark eyes looking between his mother and Negan. Neither one of them spoke since they both equally had no idea what to say. “What’s she talking about?”

“Negan asked mom to marry him,” Elizabeth explained before they could say anything. A loud choking sound fell from Negan with him patting at his chest. Rosita let out a sound of awe visibly thinking that they were officially engaged. Tommy started talking about it to Maria who was eager to congratulate them. “It was really cute. He had me help him set up this video of all these small clips of him and mom from when they were younger. We got all of these rose pedals and set it up so that when he asked her to marry him they would fall down from the ceiling. It was at a skating rink where I guess they had their first kiss as children.”

“Goddamn girl, you need to show us your ring,” Rosita expressed her wow over hearing what Elizabeth had just told them. Looking to Siddiq, she swatted at his shoulder and huffed. “You could have been way more romantic when you asked me.”

“Congrats you two,” Tommy’s southern drawl came out from across the table. It had Joel looking down at his plate poking at his food. There was an irritation growing in Joel and she could tell that he didn’t like everyone being so happy at the idea of her with Negan. “Are you two getting married on New Years like Negan wanted to do?”

“You knew Negan was going to ask her to marry him?” Joel snapped, his head lifting immediately to stare at his brother. Dropping his fork that was in his hand made a loud clinking sound fill the room with everyone at the table going silent.

“Yeah, he talked to me about it in New York,” Tommy explained, swallowing down hard with the way that Joel was glaring at him. It was like he had deceived Joel in some fashion by not telling him about it.

“You wanted to get married on New Years?” Y/N whispered to Negan, surprised that it was his idea to get married so quickly. Instead of responding to her, Negan just looked down toward his lap and swallowed down hard.

“You two are getting married?” Peter blurt out with an amused rumble of a sound. Truthfully? Peter didn’t seem to upset at the idea of it. “So that means that my stepdad is going to be a professional baseball player?”

“Is that all that you care about?” Joel snapped at Peter which had everyone tense. The outrage confused Peter who slowly chewed what was in his mouth. “What happened to wanting your parents to get back together? I thought you would be upset at the idea.”

“Well, yeah, but after four years I didn’t think that would ever happen. I just…Negan is really cool,” Peter tried to explain to his father, shifting uncomfortably in his seat once he realized that Joel was upset about everything. “Having Negan around lately has been really fun. I just thought it would be cool to say my mom was married to Negan Smith.”

“Who is only going to be a baseball player for another year,” Joel reminded Peter and it made Negan laugh at the end of the table. There was a fire flooding through Joel’s veins when he looked to Negan who had his head lowered and he was pinching at the bridge of his nose. “Is something funny?”

“No, nothing is funny,” Negan stammered, not even bothering to lift his head to look at Joel. “I just feel like whenever we make progress, something happens that knocks it back down. It’s like you can’t help but throw in a diss every chance you get. It doesn’t matter how nice I am to you. What I do for you. Or how you feel about me, you just always have to make a smart remark about how I’m not as good or as perfect as people think I am.”

“I’m only speaking the truth,” Joel countered, throwing his hands up in the air and he could tell that he made everyone uncomfortable with his outburst. “You are only going to be a professional ball player for another year. It’s only a year’s worth of bragging. Because let’s be honest, once you retire, no one is going to give a fuck.”

“Joel,” Tommy spoke up, his expression showing that he was embarrassed at his older brother’s response to things. “Maybe now isn’t the time to act like this.”

“I’m not taking away from their special moment,” Joel claimed, placing his hand in over the center of his chest and pointing the other one toward Y/N and Negan. “She didn’t even say yes to him anyways. They aren’t engaged.”

“Negan?” his mother looked to him and it was clear that Negan hadn’t even told his own mother that she didn’t say yes.

“You didn’t?” Elizabeth was shocked to hear that very thing because she was almost certain that her mother would have told Negan yes. At this point, Y/N looked completely overwhelmed and she wasn’t looking at anyone. “Why?”

“Because she doesn’t want to be with him,” Joel snorted as if it was an obvious answer. It had Negan pushing his chair back and getting up from the table. Tossing his napkin down on the table, Negan walked out of the dining room and left an uncomfortable silence amongst them all. “What?”

“Nice,” Y/N breathed out, getting up from the table to follow Negan which left Joel alone with everyone that was there.

“Was that necessary?” Tommy grunted under his breath realizing that Joel seemed to be entirely focused on Y/N leaving the dining room. “You should be happy for them. If it gives her the chance at happiness…”

“You know, I think I saw some great looking desserts in the kitchen,” Maria announced getting up from the table and moving over toward Peter and Elizabeth to place her hand in over their shoulders. “How about the two of you take me in the kitchen and we could look at what we might want. What do you say?”

----

“Negan,” Y/N called out moving into the backyard to see that he was standing at the corner of her deck. It was snowing and the Christmas lights that she had hanging out there were the only things that were illuminating over him. Moving in beside him, she pressed her hand in over his shoulder to give it a firm squeeze. “You have to ignore him, he has no idea how to keep his mouth shut sometimes.”

“That’s me, not Joel,” Negan corrected her giving a firm shake of his head, letting out a tense breath. “I’m the one that can’t keep my mouth shut. Joel was the quiet brooding one. Yet, when he gets the chance to attack me, he can’t help but do it. What did the two of you talk about when I was sleeping last night?”

“What does…” she paused to consider what he was asking her. “I don’t understand why you are asking me that. I told you that he mentioned that I should be married to him and not you. Elizabeth had told him about the proposal. He came over while you were sleeping. Elizabeth was worried that she hadn’t heard back from me…”

“And you told him that you didn’t want to be with me?” Negan was attempting to put two and two together. 

“No, that’s not what I told him,” she denied that thought immediately, throwing her hands up in the air hoping to get him to realize that she meant what she said. “We bickered. I told you, I’m just confused about all of this Negan. We all had that conversation last night because I thought we should take time focusing on the three of us first. Then working everything else out.”

“I honestly don’t understand why you’re so fucking upset,” Joel interrupted the two of them moving in behind them. It had them looking back at Joel who had his hands shoved into his pockets. “The whole idea of the conversation last night was to talk about the three of us being together. Yet you’re still so fucking focused on her being married to you. So what if she doesn’t want to be married to you? She doesn’t want to be married to me either.”

“I’m not doing this,” Negan forced himself to look away from Joel shaking his head and bracing his hands at the side of the deck. “I’m not fighting with you again. There is no sense to it.”

“Well, now that we’re talking about the whole marriage thing, I’m a little fucking surprised you never told me when the two of us were hooking up that you were going to ask my ex-wife to marry you,” Joel snapped, his jaw flexing in frustration. “That was something that you should have brought up to me.”

“It was none of your business,” Negan muttered under his breath, the vein at the side of his neck bulging.

“Joel, now is not the time,” she begged of Joel, holding her hands up in the air to try to keep him from talking any further about things.

“No, I think this is something that does need to be talked about because it was just something that was pushed under the rug,” Joel stepped forward, shrugging his shoulders as he spoke. “We talked about this trio relationship between us, but I’m not asked if I’m okay with him proposing to you? If we’re supposed to be equals in this relationship, don’t you think I have a fucking say? Shouldn’t I have been asked in the first place.”

“Alright, if you want to go there,” Negan turned, bracing his back when he turned to face Joel and Y/N. “Why do you talk about me like I’m a piece of shit? You can’t help but diss me every chance you can. Even in front of the children. Was what you just said necessary? Downplaying my importance to the game.”

“I’m just letting my kid know that if the only reason he wants you to be his stepfather is because you’re a fucking baseball player that he’s going to be highly disappointed because it won’t last long,” Joel defended himself knowing that it was the jealousy of his son being excited at the idea of Negan being married to Y/N that provoked him to say that. “You’re nothing after that.” 

“Oh, fuck you,” Negan snarled knowing that Joel was still attempting to make him feel bad. “You really have a dick up your ass, y’know that?”

An uncomfortable breath fell from Joel’s throat and it made Negan laugh, “Never mind. You’re actually easier to be around when you do have a dick up your ass.”

“Don’t say shit like that around my family,” Joel warned Negan, pulling his right hand out from his pocket to point directly at Negan.

“Yeah, because big bad Joel couldn’t handle his family knowing that he likes both men and women, right?” Negan snapped at Joel, his eyes rolling dramatically and his head bobbing about almost in a mocking way. “Y’know, I think if you actually took time to start accepting yourself for who you are, you might not be such an asshole and you might start to actually like yourself.”

“Joel, go back inside,” Y/N begged of Joel, frustrated that he even followed her out here in the first place. “Please.”

“No, you know what,” Joel urged Y/N to step aside when he moved before Negan. “Yeah, you’re right. I should be able to open myself up to the idea of my children knowing who I am. But I have a question for you. Since we’re going back and forth. Did you ever think that maybe you were overstepping when you asked my wife to marry you? We both know that she didn’t say yes to you because she still loves me.”

“Ex-wife. And everyone knows that she loves you, but it doesn’t mean she wants to be with you Joel,” Negan stammered, his voice showing hurt. “She doesn’t know what she wants because you keep fucking with her head.”

“Or maybe she just actually loves me and you’re the one fucking with her head,” Joel retorted, the top of his nose wrinkling when he stepped in closer to Negan. “Everything was fucking fine until you came back Negan.”

“Was it? Because she was fucking miserable,” Negan snarled at Joel, the lines in his forehead growing with how angry Joel was making him. “Everyone fucking tells me how fucking sad she was before she started spending time with me again. You made her fucking miserable and she was sad. It took her finding me again to have some sense of happiness. It took me to give you happiness too Joel. If it wasn’t for me, she would still be furious with you about what she found on your fucking laptop. I’m the one that keeps telling her to give you a second chance because I understand that sometimes we make mistakes in our fucking life. I make the both of you happy. Without me…”

“Oh yeah? You make her happy?” Joel commented with a deep rumble of a southern drawl. Negan nodded and Y/N found herself wishing that this never was happening in the first place. “Then why the hell didn’t she tell you yes? If she loved you and she genuinely loved you, she would have told you yes when it came to marrying you. And you fucking know it.”

“Because of you and the children,” she screamed out getting both Negan and Joel to look back at her surprised that she finally erupted. “Goddamn it, stop poking at him and trying to hurt him all the time Joel. I love both of you. Negan understands that, why can’t you?”

“What do you mean me and the children?” Joel grumbled, giving his attention to her now. “It means that you love us and you want to be with us, right?”

“It means that right before Negan asked me to marry him, he offered me everything I’ve ever wanted. The life I always dreamt of when I was younger. They asked Negan to be the coach of the team after he retires. And with that deal? He managed to get me a deal with the team where I could be a journalist, take photos and travel the world with him and I’d be making a lot of money doing it too,” she informed Joel with a saddened breath, looking between both men. “And while it sounded nice and every part of me wants to accept it, I know I can’t because I have both Elizabeth and Peter here. They need me. I can’t be on the road all the time with Negan following him down to spring training and around the country for games when they have school. They need a mom. I can’t leave them. So while it would be nice to actually do the things that I always dreamt of, I know that I can’t because I have to put them above me. And then with you…”

She paused, Joel was listening intently with his brown eyes locked on her, “You are always going to be loved by me Joel. Negan isn’t wrong. I love the both of you very much. And I know that you have a lot of weight on your shoulders and sometimes I have to be here to help carry that weight when things go wrong. You count on me just as much as the children do.” 

“That’s why you told Negan no?” Joel stammered, confusion flooding his face.

“I don’t know,” she was honest with Joel, her face hot with embarrassment. “I don’t want to break your heart. And I don’t want to break his heart. But no matter the choice I make, I feel like I’m going to hurt someone and I don’t want to do that.”

“I can’t believe you,” Joel seemed disgusted with Negan when he returned his attention back to him. Stepping forward, he shoved firmly into Negan’s shoulders having him grunt. “You’re all pro this relationship, but you don’t tell me shit? You don’t respect me.”

“You weren’t my top priority at the time. I was working to get you the music deals,” Negan replied back doing his best to keep his hands down at his sides with how angry Joel was getting.

“You only did that because you wanted me to be satisfied with you trying to marry her and take her away from here,” Joel thought aloud causing Negan to smirk and shake his head. “What other reason would you have Negan?”

“Musicians fucking travel Joel. I thought whatever city we were in, we could get you a deal where you sang in that city. We’d bring the children with us,” Negan explained his thought process, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. “You know that you have people interested in working with you now because of everything. I can make your dreams happen, just like I can hers. But you both are so stuck within yourselves that you won’t allow me to give them to you.”

“And what am I supposed to do with my job that I already have?” Joel snapped at Negan who simply shrugged his shoulders. “You have an answer for everything.”

“Let Tommy run it. You’re the owner, but the owner isn’t always around,” Negan reasoned with him evoking a scoff from Joel. “And not to be an asshole Joel, but asking her to marry me, I didn’t need to ask your permission. You already had your chance with her being her husband. You shouldn’t have a problem with her being married to me because you’re not going to be left out.”

“I already had my chance?” Joel repeated what Negan said, his southern drawl sounding incredibly angry. “What makes you think she would be happier being married to you? The man who is actually known to physically cheat on his spouse? You’re not the man she should marry. It should be me because…”

“Yes, please tell me how much better you are for her than I am,” Negan dramatically threw his hands about, mocking Joel by adding a bit of an accent to his voice. “I offer you both the job of your dreams and I’m the fucking villain. Why? Because I asked her to marry me?”

“Please for the love of God stop,” she finally interrupted them, frustrated that they were still fighting over her. “If you two are so fucking desperate to be married, why don’t you two get married? I’ll be the third wheel. And I’ll happily take it. You two get married. I’ll support it!”

“No,” both of them muttered at the same time.

“I don’t know why you can’t just tell him that you want to be married to me while we’re together,” Joel reasoned with her, pointing between all of them. “I’m the love of your life. Not him. You said no to him because of how you feel about me.”

“I said no to him because I was emotional about the idea of the job, Joel. I didn’t think I could handle being away from my family that long. My family needed me. If he would have asked out of order, I don’t know what I would have told him,” she was honest having a hard time looking at Joel when she thought about the whole situation. “You’re all I’ve ever known Joel and it’s scary picturing a life with someone else. Away from everything you know. Everything you’ve grown used to.

“So you’re not saying yes to Negan or taking the job because of us?” Peter called out and it had both her and Joel turning nervously toward the back door shocked to see that both the children were standing there. “Mom, that’s silly.”

“We’re teenagers now. I’m going to be going to college soon,” Elizabeth informed her with a saddened breath, her dark eyes narrowing when she stepped forward. Negan had his head down and his hands were in his pockets with his breathing loud. “I know you, you’re still going to be a good mom wherever you are.”

“I don’t want you not to live your dream because of us,” Peter noted, shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head from side to side. “And I don’t care who you are married to. Whether it’s dad or Negan, I just want you happy.”

“We both want you happy,” Elizabeth repeated her brother’s sentiment, giving her mother a nod of approval and it was one of the first times that these two actually agreed on anything. “I didn’t think I would want you to be with anyone other than dad, but Negan makes you happy. And that’s what matters most to me. So if you make a decision, please don’t do it based off of us. We just want you happy.”

“I love you guys,” Y/N breathed out and it was obvious that she was crying by the way that she sounded. “But it’s a little bit harder than that.”

“Why?” Peter stammered, stepping forward to try to appeal to his mom. “We both know you’re a good mom. And if dad is getting calls about being a singer, why can’t you both be happy? Having us shouldn’t be the thing that holds you back from being happy. We’re both old enough to understand things. And we’d support you.”

“How much did you hear?” Joel breathed out having his chest aching when they looked to him.

“Enough to say that if you did what mom said, we’d support you too,” Elizabeth pointed between both Negan and Joel. “We don’t care who you like dad. We just want you happy too.”

“I’d still brag about you marrying Negan too,” Peter offered up with a simple shrug getting Negan to snicker at the idea of it. “I’d happily tell people my dad was married to Negan Smith. It wouldn’t embarrass me one bit. We love you and mom. And Negan is part of our family now too.”

“You raised us better than to care about those kind of things,” Elizabeth stepped in beside Joel who swallowed down hard with his daughter giving his upper arm a firm squeeze. “At the end of the day, we just want you guys to be happy. Pick what you want to do with your lives because it’s what you want. Not because you’re afraid of us being upset. Because we will be fine. We’ll make things work wherever we are.”

“I’d brag that my mom worked for the baseball team I loved. I’d brag that my dad was a singer. I’d also brag that my parents were both with Negan Smith. I don’t give a fuck,” Peter continued on having Y/N scoff behind him with the language. “Sorry mom. I’m just trying to make a point here. I know that men like men sometimes. I know that men like men and women sometimes. And all that stuff. I wasn’t raised to hate anyone. Nor do I care what anyone else thinks. Yeah, it’s complicated. But what isn’t in life?”

“That’s the most mature I think you’ve ever sounded,” Elizabeth teased her brother, placing her hand in over his shoulder. “We love all three of you. We don’t want you to keep fighting. We don’t. Whatever happens. We love you.”

There seemed to be tears in Joel’s eyes when he gave the children a firm nod, “Thank you two. It means a lot hearing that and one day, I will talk to the both of you, but right now I think the three of us need some privacy to finish things up here. Okay?”

“Just let me leave you with this,” Elizabeth started, waving her hand about in the air between all three of them. “If I was stuck in a position where I had the chance to have everything I ever wanted, you and dad would tell me to do it. Because you want what’s best for me. Well neither of you have your parents here to tell you that it’s okay. So listen to me and Peter then. It’s okay. We’ll be okay. Do what makes you happy. Because we’re along for the ride no matter what.”

There was a broken breath that fell from Joel as Y/N stepped forward to wrap Elizabeth up in her arms to give her a big hug. Pressing a kiss against her temple, Y/N turned to do the same thing with Peter before ushering them back into the house after telling them she loved them.

“See,” Negan spoke up from behind them. “It’s not as hard as either of you think it is. No one is going to care if you’re married to me or if you take those jobs because…”

“Oh would you get off it with the married thing,” Joel erupted on Negan, turning on his heel to point out at him again. “If anyone deserved to be married to her it’s me.”

“You guys are never going to stop, are you?” she breathed out having both Negan and Joel look to her. “No matter what I say? You’re just going to fight over me?”

“Well I think we deserve to know which one you’re going to pick,” Joel pointed between the both of them having Negan swallow down hard. “One of us should be able to be your husband and the other one just needs to fucking deal.”

“I’m not doing this right now,” she frowned visibly upset, turning on her heel to leave.

Outstretching his hand, Joel curled his fingers around her wrist to try to stop her from leaving. That wasn’t exactly the answer that Joel wanted to hear, but she wasn’t going to give him anything more. Tugging her wrist away, she went back into the house and left both of them alone outside.

Everyone pretended like those last few minutes at the table didn’t happen, but there was still a weird tension in the air for everyone. By the end of the night when everyone was leaving and thanking Y/N, Joel knew that he wanted to continue their conversation in some fashion. So Joel asked Tommy and Maria to take the children home. Which left Negan sitting on the left end of the couch and Joel sitting on the right leaving the middle open.

Negan’s head was lowered, his fingers hooked together when Y/N closed the door behind her after the final guest left. Joel was watching her realizing that she let out an overwhelmed sound when she faced them, “Well I’m not going to have a peaceful night, am I?”

“I don’t think you mean what you said earlier,” Joel stressed to her, shaking his head firmly. “If the life you wanted was the life that Negan offered you, you would have said yes. But I think the life you want is the life that you had with me. When we were happy.”

“We all agreed on this relationship between the three of us,” she reminded them stepping before them on the couch, her arms folding in front of her chest.

“I am okay with it being the three of us,” Negan slid back further on the couch, his hazel eyes finally meeting hers with a simple shrug. “I’ve never changed my mind on that.”

“It’s not that I have a problem with that,” Joel declared waving his hand between the three of them.

“Obviously, since you don’t mind having sex with him,” she pointed out toward Negan who was smirking drawing attention to his prominent dimples. Joel’s face flushed over with heat and he forced himself to look away from them. “So why do I have to pick one or the other?”

“We both want to be your primary lover,” Joel commented, pulling himself to the edge of the couch. His brow line was incredibly expressive with the way his chocolate brown eyes were staring up at her. “I want you to be married to me and he wants you to be married to him. And I don’t care who has sex with who. The poly relationship is perfectly fine with me. I just want you to be married to me.”

“You do realize how fucking ridiculous this sounds, right?” Negan scoffed, finally turning his head to look at Joel. “You had four years to get her back, but you want her to marry you now because I want her to marry me.”

“Don’t use that against me,” Joel grunted, his angered stare meeting Negan’s. “You weren’t here those four years, so you don’t know, but the two of us kept having a relationship in certain ways while you weren’t here. We had sex plenty of times while we were separated and divorced.”

“Sex isn’t like being in a relationship. There is sex and there is being together,” Negan countered, his jaw flexing and his eyes narrowing in frustration. “You had your chance Joel and you fucked it up.”

“And you deserve one why? Just because you came in and for a few weeks made her content?” Joel snapped back, his posture growing rigid with the accusation that Negan threw out at him. “Relationships can’t be determined from just a few weeks. We’ve been together almost twenty years. You two have dated a few weeks and suddenly you think she is the love of your life. You’re just looking for a rebound from Lucille.”

“Watch what you say or you’re gonna get knocked on your ass again,” Negan warned with a scowl, having Joel dramatically bob his head about.

“I’d like to see you fucking try,” Joel shot back and it had Y/N groaning out heading over to the coffee table to sit down. Burying her head into her hands had both men’s attention returning to her instead of fighting about things.

“You both like each other so you both need to shut up. For the love of God,” she pled, dragging her hand down over her face. Staring at Joel, she raised her left hand and pointed to Negan. “This man has been nothing but nice when it comes to you telling me over and over again that if I want to be with you he would understand. He’s your biggest defender and you treat him like shit.”

“I…” Joel looked to Negan who grumbled something under his breath and turned to look away from Joel.

“And you! Obviously he likes you because you guys have had sex multiple times now, right?” she confirmed with Negan who nodded once to give her the answer she wanted. “So why does it matter who I’m official with? Because you two like each other too.”

“I know it seems stupid, but being married to you means a lot…” Joel described how he felt about things and he shifted in his position. Right now he felt uncomfortably warm with the attention on him. “And I think instead of dragging us along you should give us an answer so we don’t have to wonder who you want to be with. I mean, there is the whole poly thing, but who do you want to be married to?”

“Did you ever think that maybe I don’t want to be married to anyone?” she brought up a good question that honestly? Neither one of them took into consideration. “Did you think that maybe I just want to enjoy a relationship with both of you because I enjoy it? That I’m comfortable with how things were.”

“Is that true?” Negan was the one to speak up this time and it surprised her because it was an answer that she was originally giving for Joel who was so insistent upon the marriage thing. “So does that mean you aren’t reconsidering the whole marriage thing?”

“I’m considering a lot of things,” she frowned when she realized that they were both deep in this even though Negan was the quieter one. “You both are putting me in a hard position here.”

“Is it really that hard of a position to pick which one of us that you would rather be married to?” Joel stammered, placing his hand in over the center of his chest.

“If you don’t want to be married to me, it’s okay,” Negan suggested trying to find the right words to say to make her feel better about everything.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be married to you,” she stated followed by a long sigh. “I just don’t know. I really don’t.”

“Well, I love you so fucking much and I just want you happy,” Negan reasoned with her, throwing his hands up. Negan’s words were broken and there wasn’t much confidence in them when he said it. “I really do and if I’m making you unhappy…”

“Dear God, stop,” Joel snarled at Negan, “we both know that you care. You care so fucking much about this and you want an answer just as much as I do.”

“This isn’t the kind of thing I can just have an answer for immediately,” she reasoned with both of them looking between Negan’s hazel eyes and Joel’s brown eyes. They were both hopeful and it killed her that it was getting to this. “So if you both expect me to give you some kind of answer right now and there is no other option?”

She paused, her voice breaking when she started talking again, “Then I don’t want either of you. I won’t get married to either one of you. I love you both so fucking much. And if I pick? I’m breaking both of your hearts. Either way, I’m hurting one of you. And I refuse to do that. I won’t do it.”

Both of them seemed upset hearing that and she was definitely getting emotional at this point, “I’m going to need the both of you to leave right now.”

“Leave?” Joel repeated, standing up from the couch and having her move away from him.

“Why do I have to leave?” Negan blurt out, placing his hand in over the center of his chest. “What did I do?”

“You both are putting a lot of stress on me to make really hard decisions and I want you both gone,” she threw her hands up not wanting to put up with this anymore tonight. “I can’t do this. I gave you both my answer. And that’s it.”

“What am I doing? I’ve been supportive about everything,” Negan stammered, standing up from the couch to reach out for her, but she pulled her hands from him. “Y/N?”

“I need time alone right now,” she explained with a frown, not wanting to be near anyone with how everything was turning out. “You want me to make decisions, he wants answers! I need to be alone so I can think about things because this shit is hard enough.”

“What decisions?” Negan asked visibly upset that she was tossing him out of the home too.

“You want me to make up my mind about the job. I know you do. And then there is the marriage proposal and the house…” she listed off the things that he had done over the last few days. “It’s a lot to think about and then he comes in demanding that I pick him or you…even though you both swear that a poly relationship is fine. You both want answers and I need time alone.”

“Everything I’ve done for you is to better your life,” Negan defended himself hearing the sound of Joel moving behind him. “I’m not trying to stress you out or make you uncomfortable. I just want you happy. I love you.”

“I know you love me Negan, but it’s a lot to ask a mom of two to just pick up and run away with you for the whole baseball season when they need me,” she reminded Negan of how she felt about everything. “And while it’s a great opportunity…”

“You heard the children earlier, they just want you happy,” Negan recalled what he had heard both Elizabeth and Peter say. Feeling Joel’s hand placing in over his shoulder to get him to move had Negan grunting. Turning, Negan shoved his hands into the center of Joel’s chest to get him to back up. “Don’t touch me Joel.”

“She wants us to leave,” Joel stressed, but Negan’s face was turning red since Joel was now pushing for them leaving because of ulterior motives. “So what? It’s okay for me to leave, but when she asks you to leave it’s not okay?”

“You’re fucking up everything!” Negan’s voice raised, rage flooding his hazel eyes with Joel trying to shove him toward the door again. “Everything was fine until you got so fucking jealous about everything. You’re okay as long as you’re the center of attention. And you’re driving me fucking nuts. I’ve done nothing but be fucking kind to you because I like you and all you have done is thrown me under the fucking bus at every turn. So now that I’m offering her something amazing in life, she thinks it’s a bad thing because you’re here to constantly put your fucking claws into her. You know that she loves you and rightfully so because you are the father to her children, but you only want her happy as long as it’s with you and I’m the background character in your love story. That’s the only way you want her happy. I actually do want her fucking happy. That is the difference between you and me. You care about Joel Miller, I care about her. Not me. You’re so fucking greedy.”

“Greedy?” Joel repeated what Negan called him, moving forward to shove Negan harder this time. “I’m fucking greedy? I gave up everything for everyone else. So don’t you fucking go around telling me I’m greedy.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Negan grunted through another few of Joel’s shoves. “I’m talking about now, I’m talking about…”

“You got to run away from everything and you think that just coming back here makes it all okay,” Joel reminded Negan of what he had done when they were younger. “If you loved her as much as you fucking swore back then, you would have fought for her. Instead you found Lucille and you ran away because she didn’t mean to you what you thought she did. I’ve been here through everything. The good, the bad…I’m the man that has been a constant in her life…”

“Knock it off before you both start throwing fists again!” she warned them, moving between the two of them to get them separated. “There is so much testosterone between the two of you and it’s going to be another fucking war when you both care about each other. So please! Just stop it!”

“I know you feel like I abandoned you too when I left even though you forced me away,” Negan appealed to Joel with Y/N keeping her hands pressed in over the center of his chest to keep them separated. “You needed your friend when your parents died and I dropped the ball. I should have been here to help you with Tommy just like I did when we were younger, but I was angry. I was so fucking angry Joel, but I am trying to make up for that mistake. Just give me a fucking chance. I love her so fucking much and she makes me happy. For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel like I’m alone…”

Sighing loudly, Joel felt a strange array of emotions flooding over him after Negan’s outburst, “I understand that Negan, but I love her too. I just fucked up, but there is no one else for me but her. I’ve realized that.”

“You should have realized that when you were married to her,” Negan frowned, shaking his head at Joel’s response. “A few weeks with her and I see everything I’ve ever wanted in my life. You have twenty years with her…”

“I’m leaving,” Joel announced with Y/N attempting to calm Negan down to get him to stop. Heading for the door, Joel felt an incredibly strong amount of jealousy with the way that Y/N was talking Negan down. Opening the door, Joel moved down the steps toward his car surprised to hear the sound of footsteps behind him. Closing the door behind him, Negan kept his head down and Joel was surprised. “She made you leave?”

“Yeah, you got what you wanted,” Negan stammered moving through the snow toward his car at the other side of the driveway. “She dumped both of us. Good for you Joel.”

“You act like I’m trying to be malicious because I’m in love with her,” Joel called out to Negan before he could get into his car. “Is it so hard to believe that I love her as much as you do? If not more?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty hard for me to believe,” Negan confessed, dropping his arms at his sides in defeat finally looking to Joel. “Because all you did was hurt her. And because of that? She doesn’t even trust me when I want to do things that make her happy and make her dreams come true. You had a midlife crisis and you regret that, I understand, but do you think you deserve her after everything you did?”

“Do you?” Joel stammered stepping to the other side of Negan’s car. “You’re not a good person Negan, what makes you think you won’t do to her what you did to Lucille? Promise her the world, but then go and cheat on her because you can.”

“That’s a fucking low blow Joel,” Negan shook his head, clinging to his keys at his side. “You’re using the lowest part of my life against me and I regret every bit of it.”

“And you’re doing the same to me,” Joel tried to make Negan understand what he was saying was along the same lines of reminding Negan what he had done to Lucille when he was younger. “You hurt Lucille relentlessly. I know because we talked. I know how she felt about you, about things…at least I waited until I was divorced.”

“Are you trying to get me to kill myself or what?” Negan snarled at Joel behind angered eyes. Scoffing, Negan held his hand up before Joel could even respond. “You know what? Fuck this. Merry Christmas Joel. I hope you had a good day and got exactly what you wanted.”

“Now come on Negan…” Joel grumbled under his breath, throwing his hands up in the air in a defensive motion. Instead of listening, Negan got in the car and the engine started up. Pulling out of the driveway, Negan left Joel alone standing in the driveway realizing that he had both Negan and Y/N incredibly upset with him. This was a terrible way to end Christmas.

----

Tags: @chainsawsangel @fancypeacepersona @violent-darkness @negansbestie @elegantfanficluv

@sanctuaryforthelost @dead-of-niight @dilfsandmartinis @jennydehavilland

[kykyonthemoon]

7 Days the mini-series

About this series: ✈️

Day 06: My Defender

Immediately after receiving the message, I hurried to the headmaster's office. There, I found Caleb waiting on one of the seats outside. His white uniform was covered in mud, he had bruises all over his body, one side of his face was slightly swollen, and there was a bleeding wound at the corner of his mouth.

"Caleb? What happened to you?"

I sat down beside him and held his hand timidly out of fear of hurting him. Caleb didn't look at me and turned his face away.

"Caleb?" I pulled his hand, still he refused to look at me. So I wrapped him in my arms. "It hurts, doesn't it?"

Caleb sat still and let me hold him for a while longer. Even though he didn’t respond, I could guess what had happened on the way here. I overheard the other students gossiping that there had been a fight between Caleb and another fifth grader, I just didn’t know why.

After a while, Caleb seemed to calm down, he took my hand off and started talking:

“I’m fine. Gran is talking to the headmaster inside.”

“Why didn’t you go to the nurse’s office?”

“I’m all right.”

He responded, even waved his arms and legs to let me know that, unlike the other children who were crying and running into the nurse's office, he was still fine. But I just frowned at him.

“What happened?” I asked. Caleb had never caused trouble at school. He had always been a good student, a well-liked boy by both teachers and his peers. His energy was all for sports and extracurricular activities. I never imagined seeing him in a situation like this.

Caleb didn’t want to tell me, but after some pleading, he finally spoke: 

“They were talking bad about you.”

“Huh?” I was stunned. Caleb simply explained that not everyone in school liked me. They made up stories and said negative things about me out of envy. Those words reached Caleb and turned him enraged. As a result, he gave them all a short trip to the nurse's office.

After hearing this, I gently gripped his hand. The sight of him using Evol to hang a few kids on a tree must have been hilarious. I was very grateful that he was so protective of me. However, I wasn't planning to be the cause of his troubles.

“I don’t care what they think of me,” I said. “Because they’re not important to me. I only care what Caleb thinks of me…”

“You are the most wonderful person in my eyes!” Caleb replied without a thought. “If anyone dares to say anything bad about you, I’ll put them up the tree again—Ouch…”

Caleb grimaced and gently massaged the wound on his face. I pulled his hand away, saying, “When I fall or get hurt, you always blow on my wound, right?” I puffed out my cheeks and blew gently on the wound on Caleb’s face. HDespite being a little taken aback, he obediently sat still. “After that…”

I leaned a bit closer to him and delicately kissed his injured cheek, just like he had kissed the cut on my palm when I was careless before.

“This is a blessing of speedy recovery for you…”

*

* *

Opening the headmaster’s office door, I saw the kid sitting alone outside. One of his cheekbones was swollen, his clothes were untidy and covered in mud. He peered up at me with determination and a hint of guilt.

“Am I in trouble, Mom?”

In that child, I saw the imprints of the boy who had been by my side many years ago.

“Of course you are. Violence is not the way to solve problems. I've taught you better than that."

The child dropped his head, disappointed. My severe expression eased, and I softly ruffled his hair. "You also need to know that it was the right thing to do to stand up for your friend."

He glanced up at me with a cheerful expression. I added, “However, next time, remember to use your brain, not your brawn. You're just like your father.”

The child smiled and grasped my hand tightly. On the way home, an airship sailed overhead from Skyhaven. The little boy waved up and said:

“I think Dad will be home soon!”

“Let’s hurry then. How about we throw him a lovely welcome back party at home?"

[bimb0fy]

04; put me in a movie

pairings; luke castellan x hephaestus!reader

warnings; dark!luke, manipulation,

summary; lukes plan is only beginning, and you find yourself sucked into the middle of it.

word count; 1k words.

a/n; sorry this is late exam season is a bitch

masterlist!! | navigation!!

i. Mind games, don't leave me. come so far, don't lose me, it matters were you are. — when the sun hits; slowdive.

You sat down in your cabin, staring at the scrap book on your desk. You hadn't gone to work in ages now, your brother Alex was growing concerned. He knew something had happened but when he went to ask Luke, all that the other man returned was silence.

You didn't understand why it hurt you so much, not the choking but the words that he said to you.

Maybe it was the fact that when you were vulnerable, you told him the one thing you never wanted to remember.

You told him about your mom, how she died. How in her death bed she wanted everyone with her.

Everyone but you.

Your aunt told you it was because your mom didn't want you to see her at her weakest. That if you entered the room, it would become too real and no one wanted to stress out the dying woman.

But deep down you knew why.

You knew that deep down, she hated the monster you were.

No one wanted anything to do with your father, especially his ex wife, your mother.

Your father did love your mother, and she loved, for a while, she hated you because she believed that you were the reason he had left, but the moment you burned your favorite sweets, he appeared in your room, and he showed you what parental love was.

Luke hated that, he hated how easily it was for your father to reply to your cries, but when your mother found out, it infuriated her.

So when your mother heard about camp half-blood, she sent you away instantly.

That was were you met Luke. He was the one who greeted you to camp, who helped you get the hang of everything. That was when you fell for him.

He didn't remember these interactions and you couldn't blame him, he had yo take care of thousands of children, you were one of those who were a bother to him.

You heard a knock on the door, looking up to find Luke waiting for you. Your breathe hitched as he entered, he sat down, a comfortable distance between the two of you. He pushed a plate towards you, a smile on his face.

"I didn't see you at breakfast, since uhm." Luke mumbled as you took a bite from the mac and cheese. "How's the bruises?"

"They're healed. So I guess I'm fine." You muttered as Luke sighed, he sat up slowly, moving towards you before sitting down beside you.

You turned around to face him, it was Luke. Your Luke. He placed his hand onto your thigh, giving you a sympathetic expression before he sighed.

"I'm. I'm really sorry, about what happened." He stuttered out. You could see by the way his eyes were pleading that he truly was filled with remorse and guilt. The bright Luke castellan had changed, and you didn't understand why. "I. I didn't mean anything I said. I was just stressed and irritated and I took it out on you."

"I know." You hummed as you continued to eat your food, looking at the ground, a few tears leaving your eyes as he tusked, wiping them away.

"Don't cry mender, please. I. I really am sorry. Will you ever forgive me?" Luke pleaded, his eyes begging for forgiveness.

You wanted to forgive him, really you did, but you know that your father would never let you live that down.

Everyone at camp all wanted one thing, approval, and you had it so you couldn't mess up your chances at having a loving father for some boy.

But he wasn't any boy. He was yours. He was Luke, the man you thought you'd be with forever.

Maybe you were naive, maybe you just didn't understand what lobe actually was, but the way Luke held you, the way he always seemed to care about you, that was all you needed for now.

"I." You let out a breath as you turned to face him. You could see how Luke was waiting for your response. How he almost seemed. Anxious. "I forgive you Luke."

Your hand hesitantly found his, your rough hand intertwining his softer one. You would be lying if you said it didn't make you insecure, but Luke changed that, he changed so many things for you.

Maybe he did love you. That's what you thought, that's what you wish was the case, but he just needed you by his side during the war, he needed the most powerful woman he knew to win.

ii. she said, do you think you'll kill for me one day, yes, of course I will my darling.

You sat down, waiting at the docks for Luke. Little did you know, he was watching, waiting.

Kronos needed a blacksmith, and obviously, your name was the first he thought of.

To Kronos, you were Hephsaestus' most skilled daughter, to him, you were the love of his life. He was given a second chance, and his plans ruined him.

He knew he had to change you, you loved your father, he was one of the few he tried, but Luke knew he only tried because you were the one blessed with powers.

No one knew your strength, only you did. Luke would be lying if he said he wasn't curious. So, here started his plan.

He watched as Chris walked towards you, sitting next to you. He watched as your face shifted to disappointment as he told you how Luke couldn't make it.

"You know we've never really talked." Chris stated as you nodded, looking around. "So tell me about yourself."

"I don't know I guess. I've always been used to be what my father wanted I never like. Thought about it." You answered. You knew there was no point in lying, Chris was Luke's best friend and God be damned, you were tired of lying.

"That's harsh." Chris sighed as you chuckled. "Luke's sick by the way. He wanted me to give you this."

Chris took out a charm bracelet, one clearly bought from out of camp half-blood. You smiled as you put it on, staring at the charm bracelet.

Luke smirked from afar, the tracker was now planted. Curtesy of Kronos who gave him the spell after all. He felt dirty, feeding of you but he had to do it, it was his destiny, he was made for this.

He watched as Chris walked away and you turned to the ocean, the waves louder and harsher than usual.

You couldn't help but feel like it was a sort of warning from posiden, especially since you always loved the ocean, you often spared your chunks of food to posiden to let you be free.

You always wanted to live by the ocean, hell, you wouldn't complain if you lived on a boat, especially a yacht. You wanted to ignore the feeling, but it grew more and more everyone you looked away.

Maybe you should check up on Luke.

[samgirl98]

Forgotten Demon Twin 4/?

Prev | Next

Damian crossed his arms. A part of him wanted to be angry at Danyal. How dare he lie to them? They wanted to ensure he was fine, and here he was, not telling them the whole truth.

Then, the guilt set in.

Damian wouldn’t have to have asked if he had checked up on his brother if he had remembered he had a brother. Why was he so angry? They were strangers to Danyal. Of course, he would keep his secrets close to his chest. He had lied to the League, knowing that it could result in his death. Lying to the famous ‘no killing allowed’ Batman must’ve been easier.

Danyal sat in midair, his legs crossed.

It was difficult to see Danyal as, was he a ghost? Was his brother dead?

“How did you gain powers,” Richard asked, “Neither Talia nor Bruce have the metagene.”

Danyal shrugged but didn’t answer.

“Listen, I appreciate that you guys care enough to come and visit me, even if it is years later,” he mumbled the last part. It still made the family flinch, “But I don’t owe you guys anything. I don’t have to explain the ifs, whys, and buts. Just because you guys feel guilty, you can’t just uproot my whole life and claim to care and want to take me away from the only loving family I have ever known.”

“I’m not in any danger here—”

“You’re a child hero without adult supervision,” Bruce said.

“—And I have everything under control.”

“You shouldn’t have to have everything under control, Danny. I understand the need to help, but you’re young. You deserve to have some help.”

“What makes you think I don’t have help?”

“Really, do your parents know you’re Phantom?”

Danyal said nothing.

“We want to help, Danyal,” Damian said.

A look of anger marred Danyal’s face.

“Help? Like when you said you would help me train, shoved a sword through my shoulder, and then pushed me from a tower?”

Damian flinched and ignored Tim’s judgmental look.

“That was wrong of me. I apologize for everything I’ve done to you.”

Danny was about to say something before stopping. He still wasn’t one hundred percent sure this wasn’t a trap and didn’t want to give Damian a reason to take him back. So far, it looked like the League was no longer involved, but Batman and his…children were an unknown factor. If he could convince them to leave…

“Daniel James Fenton, you are in big trouble, young man!”

Uh-oh. Irate older sister alert.

Every member of the Batfamily was surprised that an angry teenage red-haired girl had snuck up on them.

She was carrying a green and white baseball bat, and her eyes seemed to glow.

Duke noticed she had a weird aura around her, too. It wasn’t as strong as Danny’s, but still there.

“Who are you people? Why is a group of mostly adults meeting my younger brother in the middle of the night in a desolate park?”

The girl looked at everyone at them and gave a double take when she spotted Damian. She turned to Danny.

“Why are they here,” she asked loudly.

“Jazz, this is Bruce and Damian Wayne. They are my biological father and twin brother. Oh, and everyone else is Bruce’s adopted kids, I guess.”

Wow, he had Damian’s introduction skills.

She turned around and crossed her arms. The bat was still in her hands.

“I’ll ask again: why are you here?”

“I just found out about Danny and wanted to meet him?”

Jazz walked up to Bruce and, without hesitation, poked Bruce’s chest with the baseball bat.

“Oh, and you couldn’t have waited until morning and talked to our parents first? You just had to lure my baby brother away from the safety of his home and basically ambush him?”

“Jazz,” Danny whined, embarrassed.

“I’m just saying it how I see it, little brother.”

“There were some outside circumstances that would’ve made meeting,” Jazz interrupted Bruce by banging the end of the baseball bat on the floor. It left a crater.

“I don’t care about you’re ‘outside circumstances.’ Most of you are adults, and you have a minor with you at night without his legal guardian’s knowledge. If you want to talk to Danny, meet our parents first and set up a meeting like a normal person.”

“Jazz, you don’t understand who they are—”

“I don’t care if they’re the president. Rules exist for a reason. Now come, Danny, we’re going home. Tucker and Sam are worried.”

Danny detransformed and followed Jazz. The last thing he heard was the butler say, “I like her.”

He sighed. It was going to be a long ride back home.

____

Tim had yet to learn what happened.

One minute, he was introduced to the Demon Brat’s twin brother (who seemed more mellow than Damian). The next, they had been attacked by some creature that Danny beat in under ten seconds.

He knew Danny had been lying when he opened his mouth, and Cass had confirmed it. He hadn’t had time to interrogate the kid, though, before an angry red-hair, who reminded him a bit of Barbara, showed up and chewed Bruce out while holding nothing more than a baseball bat.

“Well, that was…interesting,” Duke said.

“I like her,” Jason said, “She stood up to Bruce.”

Bruce glared at Jason. It wasn’t often he got chewed out, and it had never been from a teenage girl. He didn’t like it.

“So, next course of action,” Tim asked.

“Tt, obviously we get Danyal out of this…situation. He shouldn’t have to deal with all of this alone.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, baby bat.”

“Why not?”

“Danny seems to be attached to his adoptive family. He’s suffered a lot in the League. Don’t you think we should consider his feelings?”

The brat thought about it before deflating a little but said nothing.

“So, I repeat: what now?”

Bruce said nothing, not sure what to do.

Suddenly, the smell of earl grey tea was heavy in the air, and he felt the phantom hand of his late surrogate father.

He took a deep breath and said, “It’s time to meet the Fenton.”

[weena-mercator]

Inbetween reblogging all the fun “unnecessary feelings day” stuff, I’d like to touch on the bigger part of what’s happening here.

I think that for the most part all the giddiness about it which produces all the fanart and other “gay gay homosexual gay” posts probably originates from the same way I see it… which is that it’s fun and silly to point at Miles “Gay Disaster” Edgeworth but also understanding that this line is really more like 70% about questioning his morals and place in the legal system and 30% about Phoenix (along with some deeply buried feelings he’s not ready to admit at all yet)

(admittedly I only got in Ace Attorney in 2019 and then didn’t get really into it until this year, so… apologies if this is all very obvious. But I guess new people are joining the fandom every day, so if you’ve been around a long time this is nothing new to you I’m sure - for others maybe they’re just now exploring this stuff)

Edgeworth is struggling with the fact that he’s now questioning everything he’s been taught to believe when it comes to the law and prosecuting. And why? Because of Phoenix.

Phoenix has opened his eyes to the fact that not all those who are deemed guilty by the police are actually guilty, that not everyone lies because they’re guilty and committed the crime, but perhaps they didn’t commit the crime and they lie for some other reason (they’re not guilty but worried the truth about something will make it look like they are, they want to protect someone, etc.).

“Unease… and uncertainty.”

Edgeworth is uncomfortable with acknowledging that his whole belief system is fracturing after Phoenix comes back into his life. He is absolutely not okay with feeling anything but certain. And sure, a lot of that belief system was probably born out of a) survival under MvK’s roof and b) some self-inflicted punishment because even though supposedly Yanni Yogi murdered his father - they still managed to be found not guilty, so he can’t help but wonder if that verdict was right, maybe Yogi really is not guilty because he himself might be the guilty one… He can’t know for sure, but the last thing he remembers is throwing the gun, the gunshot, a scream - it haunts him nightly. But the nightmares are reminder enough of his possible guilt, so he tries not to dwell on it during his conscious hours if possible, he’s got a job to do: get guilty verdicts for others. But he’s not going to say either of these reasons out loud for sure (at least not for a bit), so it’s easier to try to convince himself and others that he is following in MvK’s footsteps under the guise of the man who murdered my father was declared not guilty because of a flaw in the legal system so I will do whatever is in my power to ensure all those charged with a crime do not escape the punish of the law.

And as a cherry on top, who is the one bringing all of these feelings of unease and uncertainty to the surface? Phoenix Wright. A childhood friend he hasn’t seen since he lost his father. Someone he must have really cared about as a child, surely - there’s too much indication that they were very close for a while before Miles disappeared because MVK took him away, making their reunion all the more complicated for Edgeworth. Phoenix still sees him the way he did as children, and Edgeworth knows he’s anything but the same as the boy he was back then (or really, parts of him are still buried deep down but it will take a while before he’s ready to examine things further).

Whether you want to believe Phoenix and Miles had inklings of feelings stronger than friendship as children is up to your personal headcanon (I lean on the side of yes, because I’m a sucker for kid fluff and the story just gives this whole vibe of childhood best friends who got very close very fast and felt really strongly about each other, even if they were too young to understand/seek out romantic love - but they knew they really cared about each other a lot).

Phoenix seems as idealistic as ever to Edgeworth, and it’s too much to handle that Phoenix could still be trying to see Edgeworth as someone he doesn’t believe he is capable of being anymore - someone he hasn’t been for quite a long time.

I think Miles probably tried to hang on tightly to his memories of Phoenix (and to an extent, Larry) after his father died, because Phoenix was still out there somewhere. But eventually he had to push them down… bury his feelings because he couldn’t survive that way in the von Karma household. Feelings and relationships were only distractions.

Well… now Phoenix is back and largely responsible for this crisis of conscience that Edgeworth finds himself in. That’s the largest meaning behind the line.

But I don’t think it’s a stretch to still say, yes, the gay reading of it is not inaccurate either - just a smaller piece. Those feelings of nostalgia and caring about Phoenix are being stirred back up - he thought he had been able to successfully bury them, apparently not.

On top of everything else, his thoughts are going to be that he cannot handle dealing with feelings for Phoenix. He has not allowed himself to develop relationships with others beyond what is necessary for his job, and even his relationships with MVK and Franziska are not healthy by any standards. So yeah, some of that unease and uncertainty is about Phoenix specifically, not just what Phoenix has showed him, but also what Phoenix represents to him - a past that’s not only painful to remember, but also a time where he cared about and was close to Phoenix. But he’s not at all in the right headspace to try to deal with that, so he’s going to continue to try to pretend he’s not having these feelings.

I like to think the moment when Edgeworth really goes “oh shit I have feelings for him” comes later, at a point during Turnabout Goodbyes (I have my specific moment in mind - I actually did not even ship them hard by the “unnecessary feelings” line, it was more like haha silly gay lawyers that’s fun and later it became I depend emotionally on this homosexual ship)

Um anyways is that how most people also view this? Lol

Okay back to the fun reblogging for the celebrations.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

"gave Snape a stable job....despite being abusive to children (though he probably didn't perceive himself as such)"

I am a tad confused about this. How could Severus not possibly understand that he was being abusive to the kids under his care- especially Harry? Did he feel threatened by the children under his care to the point of viewing them as equals and thus justifying his behaviour to himself (why didn't the other teachers call him out on his shit)

Anonymous: am curious. You mentioned Snape likely doesn't realise that he is abusing the children under his care and mimicking his father. Does he actually feel powerless enough to justify his behaviours to himself? When he sees James in Harry and blames Neville does he see the boys as his equals/ someone above him in power that needs to be put down- thus allowing himself to continue acting the way he does? It's ironic all things considered. For all that Harry looks like James, he takes more after Lily.

Okay, so, I just wrote a post about Snape, but I'll cover here what I'm thinking about this specifically in more detail.

I'm not sure where the quote you mentioned is from, but I can say what I think about the way Snape treats Harry and his students and how he sees it.

So, Severus was abused by his father. From his behavior, what I guess is that a lot of his treatment of his students is him mimicking what he saw from his father.

Like, Severus became a professor at 21. It means his older students knew him as a student. Not to mention he was a terrorist, known Death Eater, who was saved by Dumbledore from being sent to Azkaban. And his students knew this.

So Severus felt like he needed a way to make sure his students would take him seriously. The main example he decided to draw from — his father, Tobias.

We don't know what exactly Tobias Snape did, he was a poor, working-class man who abused his wife and son. And I think when Tobias wanted to be taken seriously, he used fear, insults, and force. So this is what Severus knows.

Severus sees what he does as the only way students would treat him seriously, he doesn't really see it as abuse, as I believe he doesn't really see his father's mistreatment of him as abuse.

Severus always struck me as a character who doesn't want to get better.

I think Severus is one of the abused kids who rationalized his own abuse as something he deserved. He clearly wants to beat himself up about his mistakes. He wants to feel the guilt over pushing Lily away and then over killing her (in his mind). So, to him, in his mind, it's not abuse, it's what they deserve.

Is it good that's what he thinks? No, not at all, it actually sucks. Snape needed therapy.

Now, with Harry specifically, his treatment is different. With Harry, he really does see him as an equal and he needs Harry to treat him seriously. Like, Snape projects James on Harry way more than Sirius does. And Snape can't show anything resembling weakness to Mini-James Potter, so he goes back to his father's methods to be taken seriously. It's about Harry not seeing him as weak like James did.

And revenge, a little bit. Snape is very petty.

He still doesn't see his vengeance as abuse, because, as much as Severus wants to believe he's the one in power, he's scared of Harry more than he's willing to confess. He doesn't see a power imbalance between him and Harry, he doesn't actually see himself in a position of power, because he sees James in Harry. Harry doesn't treat Severus with the respect usually given to professors, which strengthens the way Severus doesn't really see him as a student.

Like, the fact Severus felt the need to remove memories he didn't want Harry to see when teaching him Occlumancy shows how much he fears Harry. Fears the possibility of Harry getting this information and using it against him.

Harry sat there staring at Snape as the lesson began, picturing horrific things happening to him. . . . If only he knew how to do the Cruciatus Curse . . . he’d have Snape flat on his back like that spider, jerking and twitching. . . . “Antidotes!” said Snape, looking around at them all, his cold black eyes glittering unpleasantly. “You should all have prepared your recipes now. I want you to brew them carefully, and then, we will be selecting someone on whom to test one. . . .” Snape’s eyes met Harry’s, and Harry knew what was coming. Snape was going to poison him. Harry imagined picking up his cauldron, and sprinting to the front of the class, and bringing it down on Snape’s greasy head —

(GoF, 300-301)

In the above quote, Harry has these thoughts while Snape is reading his mind — there's eye contact. So Severus sees these thoughts from Harry and doesn't separate this from James, he sees it and thinks that Harry very much might actually spill his entire cauldron on him — like James might've done. So, Severus is taking every instance like this to justify his fear of Harry and his need to keep him down.

With Neville it's different. He doesn't fear Neville the way he fears Harry, I think he does see Neville as someone weaker. In the case of Neville, Severus is, I think, doing what a lot of bullies do, picking on a weaker link to feel better about himself. More in control, more capable. Neville being next to Harry is kinda part of it, I don't think Snape would've been as harsh with Neville if he wasn't near Harry, who makes Snape kinda lose it and feel unbalanced and insecure in his position because he sees him as James more than as Harry.

And I agree with you second Anon, personality-wise, I think Harry isn't very similar to James at all. And he definitely has some of Lily's traits in him, but he's not her either, he's his own person. Something Snape willfully chooses not to see. It's easier for him not to see it, so he chooses not to, so he can keep up with his petty vengeance towards a dead man.

As for why other teachers didn't call him out, well, I think the Wizarding World has a very different approach to child care than the modern western world does.

We know corporal punishment was allowed at Hogwarts and the Wizarding World at large. One of the good things Dumbledore did as a headmaster was stop the use of it at the castle, but it was socially acceptable in the WW even in the 1990s. Actually, even in the muggle UK in the 1990s caning was still allowed in private schools, and Harry is clearly aware of this fact:

“Excuse me, Professor Flitwick, could I borrow Wood for a moment?” Wood? thought Harry, bewildered; was Wood a cane she was going to use on him? But Wood turned out to be a person, a burly fifth-year boy who came out of Flitwick’s class looking confused.

(PS, 109)

Because this is something that was still practiced in the UK. Harry actually had to lie to Aunt Marge that he was getting canned at St. Brutus school since that's something that happened there.

And it also happened in the Wizarding World until very recently, Molly says Arthur still has marks from what was most likely a caning when he was at Hogwarts:

Mrs. Weasley grinned, her eyes twinkling. “Your father and I had been for a nighttime stroll,” she said. “He got caught by Apollyon Pringle — he was the caretaker in those days — your father’s still got the marks.”

(GoF, 616)

Umbridge (and the Carrows) later returns corporeal punishment to Hogwarts, and it's quite clear there is no law against it in the WW:

“Approval for Whipping . . . Approval for Whipping . . . I can do it at last. . . . They’ve had it coming to them for years. . . .” He [Filch] pulled out a piece of parchment, kissed it, then shuffled rapidly back out of the door, clutching it to his chest.

(OotP, 673)

Molly actually beat Fred with a broom (or at least attempted to) and it's considered fine and legal and not abuse:

“Seen the Fizzing Whizbees, Harry?” said Ron, grabbing him and leading him over to their barrel. “And the Jelly Slugs? And the Acid Pops? Fred gave me one of those when I was seven — it burnt a hole right through my tongue. I remember Mum walloping him with her broomstick.” Ron stared broodingly into the Acid Pop box.

(PoA, 200)

Because the Wizarding World (and the UK) in the 1990s had a very different view on abuse and domestic violence. So, yeah, I don't think Severus considered what he did abuse, he considered it harsh discipline, like he himself received as a child. The way everyone ignores Harry's (and Snape's as a child) very clear signs of being abused is also telling. A rough hand and insults with disobedient children is just considered what you do, and not horrifyingly gross behavior like we see it today.

And the other teachers don't step in, because they consider it just as legal and acceptable as Snape. Because it is in the Wizarding World.

[bright-eyes-strawberry-lies]

I always headcanon that Luke's mom didn't start off as bad mentally as we saw in canon. At first Luke's mom somehow managed to hide what happened to her and took care of her son. She had episodes, and kept seeing the very worst things that could happen to him. But she always told herself, it's the future it could mean anything, plus you don't know the affects it could have on mortals ehat happened to her. But eventually it got worse and worse. To the point where she couldn't hide it from Luke anymore. To the point she had more bad days than good. To the point where we saw how she was in canon. Luke leaving honestly made it worse because the guilt ate at her. She blamed herself. Why she kept imagining her son would come home.

Ah, May Castellan.

She’s a complicated one, for sure.

Hestia tells Percy that “they were happy” - meaning May, Hermes, and Luke - before Camp Half-Blood asked May to be their new Oracle. But we also see that Luke was still a swaddled infant when May tried to take the position. How brief their happiness was.

I don’t know what horrors exactly May saw, because there’s literally no point in Luke’s life that could be called “good.” So it could have been only his death or, as Percy speculated, Luke being possessed by Kronos, or it could have even been Luke’s entire life. I don’t think it was mere possession, because that’s a difficult thing to see from the outside (particularly since Luke’s outward appearance didn’t change except his blue eyes turning to gold). I’m guessing it was either Luke’s life up to his death or just his death (which, as a reminder, was extremely brutal; he was essentially tortured before killing himself [tortured isn’t exactly the word I’m looking for but the, ah, severity of injury was incredible] and he suffered greatly).

So now May, this mother who was so happy with her lover and child, has to live with this knowledge of what’s going to happen to her son. Who is, again, an infant. A helpless baby. May’s beautiful, beloved baby. Her baby, who is described as “happy” by the goddess of the hearth. How often did May look at Luke, and think that this was going to be the only time in Luke’s short life that he would be happy?

It had to eat at her. It would eat at me. It had to fester, this open wound in May’s heart and mind. It probably choked her, probably made May furious and despairing in equal measure. Because it’s not fair and it’s not kind of the world to do this to her baby and there’s absolutely nothing that May can do about it. There’s no cure, there’s no trick, there’s no running and hiding from it, there’s no way to fight it. It had to eat at her.

And if that kind of stress wasn’t bad enough - wasn’t enough to have caused the fits of crying and screaming about Luke’s Fate, of shaking him while she speaks his doom - May did not escape the encounter with the Oracle unchanged and unscathed. I’m not talking about her knowledge of Luke’s Fate, I’m talking about the fact that her eyes turn glowing, Oracle green. A piece of the Oracle is in May Castellan.

I wonder if it’s her who’s doing the screaming and the shaking. If the Oracle who was cursed for helping someone avoid their Fate is now trying desperately to change Luke’s, through May. Ah, but she’s been dead for so long, hasn’t she? And she’s not even all the way there, only a piece of her trapped in May. Does she even remember how to behave with mortals, with children? I wonder if their mutual despair created a sort of feedback loop, only intensifying the horrific helplessness they must have felt.

I’m sure you’re right, in that the erratic and scary behavior escalated as Luke got older. Every year that passed was a year closer to Luke’s brutal death. Every year that Luke grew up, May knew that he’d never get to grow up. Not for real, not with the time he should have had. Depending on if you count Luke’s death as happening when Kronos possesses him in BOTL or if you count it as happening when Luke stabs himself in TLO, then Luke dies at either 21 or 22.

(the general audience for this series being young teenagers, most of them think that Luke was super old and mature and that 22 is such a long life but it’s actually a tragically short life and Luke was still so fucking young - being adults, both May and the Oracle would be fully aware of this)

May grieved for Luke while he was right there with her, for years, and I think that between her grief and the Oracle, things got bad in that house for Luke. Probably faster than you’d expect. But you also have to remember, that this is all Luke knows. Luke never talks about going to school, and he says that Thalia was his very first friend (who he met when he was between 12-14), and there were no other adults around who could have helped. Hermes has left them.

(speaking of adults, though, the gods and Camp Half-Blood sure were very fucking interested in Luke and May, everyone keeping tabs on them, but did they do anything to alleviate any of their burdens? no. no, they didn’t.)

Anyway, this is all Luke knows in life. It terrifies him to the point that Luke hides in closets to get away from May. And by nine years old, Luke’s decided that he can’t live like this anymore. I think Luke loved May, because she’s his mom, but at nine years old, Luke was already breaking.

The guilt of Luke running away probably swallowed May whole. He didn’t return for five years, and when he did Hermes told Luke not to come back because Luke’s presence made May “worse.” She was right in the next room and Luke wasn’t being quiet, I wonder if May heard this. Her lover telling her son to stay away…because she was too sick to see him anymore. She might have known Luke would come back seven years later, to seal his death and save her life. Or Hermes may have later told her that Luke would never come back (this could be what May is referring to when she talks to Nico and Percy, but she could just as easily be talking about whoever was there for Luke’s latest visit, since he definitely wasn’t coming back after that).

You know that I firmly believe that Luke bathed in the River Styx to save May’s life, because of two little scenes in TLO. May literally tells Percy and Nico that “Luke left to protect me. He said if he went away, the monsters wouldn’t threaten me.” And later in the book, Kronos says that he “had to pressure Luke in many ways” to get him to agree to the Styx. So now imagine the guilt of that on top of everything else. And this was nearly a year before Nico and Percy visit her, so May has had a year to sit with this knowledge, this guilt and grief. I think it broke her thoroughly, so that she becomes the scattered, confused woman we see in TLO.

[prokyon]

Even pirating the new Harry Potter series is unacceptable. Stop legitimising JKR's nazi works and platforming her nazi views. LET THE IP DIE.

No watching, streaming, pirating, reviews, deep dives, fix-it fics, fanart, merch, HP tourism. NONE OF IT.

DON'T ENGAGE with the IP of Harry Potter ever again.

I actually won't shut up about this until everybody I know STOPS interacting with this piece of shit series. I will cut you the fuck off if you play Hogwarts Legacy or watch this series or go to see The Cursed Child or give the books to the children in your life. Get your Hogwarts house out of your bio. Don't list it under your fandoms or anything either.

You have to be living under a fucking rock to continue pretending that engaging with Harry Potter / J K Rowling at all isn't harmful.

Do NOT watch this shit, stop platforming it, don't pirate and review it, don't interact at all.

LET. THE. IP. DIE.

Reposting my bluesky thread because I'm sick of this

Addendum including the rest of the bluesky thread, because I am preempting annoying comments:

Do not come onto a trans person's posts, as they're talking about boycotting an anti-trans creator and all related IPs, and be like "Yeah I mean I would break the boycott if it was convenient I guess, but I'll try not to." Like, buddy, I don't know you or care about how you struggle to grasp what a boycott is.

I don't want to hear how anyone has struggled to boycott HP up until this point. I don't want to give my time and energy to anyone who is trying to get me to say "aw well that's all right then" to make them feel better about not supporting trans people as we've begged for up til now. Just shush.

I am not here to grant you permission to feel better about how (un)successfully you've boycotted the Harry Potter series. I don't care to incentivise you to boycott, either - if you can't do it out of compassion, then I won't bribe you with alternative fantasy or feelgood "it's okay you tried" words for you.

I don't know what people expect me to say when they tell me directly they might still break this boycott because [xyz specific circumstances] that somehow give them guilt free points to touch the IP. Telling me this to launder the guilt through my interaction isn't going to work sorry. You will still feel bad.

I'm not gonna like accept apologies or excuses on behalf of the whole trans community and I don't care what individual trans people decide to permit themselves to do here (they're not an excuse for you either), I think a 100% boycott is necessary and anyone that won't commit to that is not an ally. That's all.