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naughtyneganjdm · 30 days ago

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Love's Second Chance: A Holiday Reunion - Chapter 22

Summary: Heartbroken by her decision to be alone instead of picking Joel or Negan, Y/N is left miserable. It's obvious to anyone that knows and loves her. In the hopes to make things right Elizabeth tries to work with Joel and her mother so they can all all be happy.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Negan Smith, Elizabeth, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60501985/chapters/159409516 Warnings: Swearing, Severe Angst, etc.

Notes: Okay, so this is the last chapter. It's long. It probably could have been separated into two chapters, but I was just eager to get it done. Originally this story had three endings, but I decided to combine them into what I thought was a better one. Thanks to anyone that read this. I appreciate anyone who has. Sorry it took so long to get the whole story up, but I did my best!

She hated to admit it, but over the last twenty-four hours Y/N had spent an incredible amount of time in bed depressed an emotional. This was a position so many people probably would have loved to be in. Between two gorgeous men who both wanted to be with her. Yet for her? She was devastated and heart broken. On Christmas, she made what she thought was the right decision to dump both Negan and Joel so to speak. Especially after the whole marriage thing. Both of them expected answers from her and she wasn’t going to choose. She wasn’t going to break either of their hearts and have to deal with the weight of that. The only problem with that decision? It hurt. And it hurt a lot.

After that night, both Joel and Negan attempted to call her. But she ignored them both. Right now, she needed to make it clear how things were going to be. If they couldn’t figure things out together, then she wasn’t going to be with either one. She was sick of them fighting and she refused to hurt either one by making a decision. Having them talk to her would only confuse her again.

It didn’t stop her from thinking about things though. Letting the thoughts linger in her mind. Constantly comparing both Negan and Joel, weighing out the options if she did decide to make a choice. So many feelings and emotions were flooding through her.

There was Joel. The first man she ever loved. Someone she fell in love with at first sight. From the moment she met him, she knew she was head over heels in love with him. They shared a life together. And while that life may have not been perfect, it was a love she knew she would never feel again. They had two children together. They went through things a lot of people never had to experience in their lives. Joel was everything that she knew. Until Negan, Joel was the only man she had ever slept with. The only man she ever had a relationship with. Joel was her everything growing up. Who was she kidding? Joel was her everything until Negan showed up. But that didn’t mean she didn’t love him. She still loved him. More than she probably should have. Joel had broken her heart many times, but her heart never knew how to let go. And it was obvious that Joel still cared for her. He made a lot of mistakes, but she didn’t doubt that he still loved her. There was just so much history there that it was hard not to think about, but it was also hard to not let go of that either. Joel was the father of her children. They had a connection that she would never have with anyone else.

And then there was Negan. The man that had loved her ever since he was a little boy. For him? It was love at first sight. He was loyal and dedicated to her. Desperate to make her endlessly happy. But she was the one that broke his heart when she picked Joel without even acknowledging their history together. Which thinking back on was a lot of history. Joel showed up into her life when she was ten years old. Negan had always been there but left when she was sixteen years old. For the longest time she thought he abandoned her, but it took years for her to realize what really happened. Did he have a dark past? Yes, and there were many layers to Negan. Ones that she knew she had barely just scratched the surface of, but Negan was perfect. Maybe not for other people, but he was for her. She knew that Negan’s love was pure through and through. And deep down, she knew that he wanted what was best for her. Regardless of what her decisions were, even if he didn’t end up happy at the end of the day, Negan was just desperate to be in her life again and to give her everything she had ever wanted.

There were good and bad qualities to both men. There was no denying that. And she knew she loved both of them.

Another thing that kept circling throughout her mind was the job offer that Negan had given her. It was everything that she would have wanted when she was younger. To be important. To travel and see the world. To take photos and have people be interested in the subject that she was covering. America loved their sports and people seemed to really like Negan. Everywhere they went, she saw that. It was a starting ground, but she knew that she would be gone a lot and she didn’t know if she could do that to the children. Especially considering everything she fought for in order to be there for them always. Maybe she never had a lot, but she was always there for her children through the years. She didn’t want that to change. And she didn’t want Joel to be alone either because she knew that he could self-sabotage too. Everyone counted on her so much, would they be able to survive without her?

Then again, there was the idea that Negan brought forth to them. Offering Joel the chance to travel with them too. It really sounded perfect. But there was such a thing as too perfect, she realized that. And she did hear the things that both Peter and Elizabeth said. They didn’t care what they did because they were happy to go wherever they were needed. They just loved their parents and Negan. They wanted them happy.

That was a word that was said a lot during Christmas. The word happy. But right now? She wasn’t happy. She was miserable.

This would have been an easy choice for a lot of people. She was sure of that. Some people would pick Joel. He was the ex-husband. The father of her children. He was hard working. The thing that she was used to. They were always still in each other’s lives. Joel was handsome, strong and fiercely independent.

Other people would have picked Negan. He was the celebrity. He could offer her the life that she always wanted. Make every one of her dreams come true. And around him? She was happier than she had ever been. No one had fought harder to make her happy. He was accepting of her still loving Joel. And he was incredibly sexy, charismatic and loving. Also very truthful with her about everything.

Yet for her, the choice was hard. If she picked Negan to marry, she’d break Joel’s heart. If she picked Joel, she would break Negan’s heart. It didn’t matter if they were a trio together. If she picked one of them, someone would end up hurt. And that’s the last thing she ever wanted. So it only made sense for her to pick neither one. Regardless of how awful it made her feel.

Negan would land on his feet again. Women would desperately fall at his feet. Joel would also eventually figure something out. When they had gotten divorced, it didn’t take long for him to hook up with Tess. Both Joel and Negan were two men that any woman would be lucky to have. It was better to allow them to find happiness elsewhere than to be hurt being stuck in some kind of relationship with her.

In that moment, the sound of a knock on the door pulled her away from her own thoughts with her laying stretched out on the couch in absolute silence. Looking to the door, she really debated getting up at this point. Everything was dark and she was just giving herself time to be alone. Maybe she could pretend that she wasn’t there to begin with.

There it was again, the knock. By the knocking and the lack of barging in, Y/N immediately knew who it was. Getting up from the couch, she let out an uncomfortable breath and headed for the door. Pulling it open, she clung to the doorknob and stared out at Negan who was standing before her looking uneasy.

“Hey,” Negan spoke softly, his dimples very prominent showing just how uneasy he was standing before her. With her not answering his calls or his texts, he knew that she wanted to be left alone. She wouldn’t be happy with him coming over, but he felt like this was needed. Both of them looked awful so this was certainly effecting them both. “I know you don’t want to see me right now and I understand that, but there is something that I have to tell you.”

Pushing the door open further, she stepped in the doorway and stared out at Negan. Not speaking, she let him rock on his feet before pushing his hands into his pockets. In the past she would have let him into the house to sit with her, but she didn’t think she should. Especially since if she spent that time with Negan, it may persuade her into making a different choice.

“Uhm, Dale called me,” Negan started realizing that she was allowing him to talk to her, but she wasn’t saying anything nor was she going to be bringing the conversation into the house. “If I’m going to take the job as coach, they want me to fly out in a few days to where the owner of the team lives to sign a contract with his lawyers.”

“Okay,” she stammered, simply nodding her head. Hearing that had her throat tensing up at the idea of it coming up so suddenly.

“They told me that they also wanted you to come out there and sign your contract if you decided you wanted to take the job,” Negan alerted her, his hazel eyes full of a sadness that there was no doubting. It hurt her to see him like that. “Dale told me if you had certain stipulations that they would probably be willing to work with you. You can take the original contract. You can do the two weeks on and off. It’s up to you. If you want to do the second one, I can team up with the journalist I told you about.”

Listening to him, she didn’t say anything and that seemed to upset him. Negan was stammering, his words uneasy and broken showing that he was uncomfortable still about everything. Having her be so silent about things had Negan even more ill at ease. Reaching inside of his pocket, Negan pulled something out and held it out for her. “This is for you.”

“What is it?” she asked, realizing that Negan’s hand was trembling with him holding it out to her. Accepting whatever it was, she pulled open the envelope to look at what was inside. Seeing that it was a plane ticket for a few days from now, she dropped her arm down at her side and felt overwhelmed. “You already got me a ticket?”

“I just want you to have it no matter what decision you make,” Negan claimed, shoving his hands back into his jacket pockets. Shrugging his shoulders, his lips parted and he went to say something, but instead a broken sound escaped him. “I’m at a loss here and I haven’t been like this in a very long time Y/N. I don’t know what to do.”

“Do what you want to do Negan,” she stressed to him and it had Negan smiling uncomfortably, forcing himself to look away from her. By the way his jaw flexed, she knew that he was despondent and he shook his head.

“I don’t know what I want to do when it comes to the baseball team Y/N,” Negan informed her, his words trembling with his breathing growing louder. Lifting his head, she saw that his eyes were damp eliciting the ache in her chest to grow stronger. “What I want to do is be with you. If you want me to quit the team today, I would. I would give everything up for you. If you want me to take the job, I would. None of this matters without you.”

“You only feel that way because you’re emotional from everything,” she prompted hating to see him so upset. What she said had him scoffing and rolling his eyes. Being cold toward him was hard, but she felt like it was the right thing to do. “Your job has been and will always be more important than me. You’re feeling the way you do right now because everything was so new and so fresh. I brought back the feelings you had when you were a child. Eventually, you will find someone else like Lucille and…”

“Bullshit,” Negan interrupted her with a furious breath, his hazel eyes lifting to stare out at her angrily. A single tear slid down his face with him grimacing at the idea. “Stop selling me this stupid bullshit Y/N. You know just as much as I do that I have been in love with you my whole life. Not having you in my life is the worst possible thing that could happen to me.”

“Not having me in your life keeps you from being hurt. I will hurt you,” she reasoned with him, her body now shaking. Holding back on her emotions was not going to happen with Negan so upset before her. “I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to hurt Joel. Choosing to live my life the way I did before Christmas is what is best for everyone. Alone. It gives you and Joel the chance to be happy elsewhere without making things complicated.”

“That is the worst possible decision you could make for all three of us and you know that,” Negan stressed to her, shaking his head and sucking in a sharp breath of air. “Just pick Joel then if this is what you are going to do to us. I can handle it. I told you that I’m happy as long as I’m still in your life. I swear I’m okay with the trio.”

“You say that, but when I turned down your proposal,” she paused, shaking her head and letting out a broken breath, “that feeling that we had? That pure, lighthearted feeling was gone. You were devastated and heart broken. Looking at you? I saw right through that fake smile you put on to make me feel better. I kept breaking you down piece by piece. And I don’t want to do that to you anymore.”

“So shattering my heart by doing this makes more sense to you?” Negan hissed out, throwing his hand up in the air showing that he didn’t agree with her comment. “Listen to me, I don’t care if you pick Joel. I don’t care if you don’t want the job. I don’t care if you want the fucking job, but you don’t want me. Or if you want me but not the fucking job. I need you in my life. Do the thing that your heart wants most.”

“My heart truly believes that this is the best option,” she declared, placing both her hands in over the center of her chest, but the more she said it the more upset it was making Negan. Holding out the ticket he had gotten for her, Negan took one step back and shook his head. “You should just keep this Negan.”

“No, you’re not thinking clearly,” Negan emphasized with a grunt, refusing to take back what he had given her. “I think if you really think this whole thing out, you’re going to realize that you are making a mistake. Joel and I were just emotional. Very emotional. And everything will work itself out because we love you. I love you. I love you so fucking much. You have to see that.”

“I don’t question your love Negan,” she refused to let him believe that she thought he didn’t love her. “I just think you deserve something better. I think you and Joel deserve something more than me.”

“Neither one of us want that and you know that,” Negan let out a pained sound, shaking his head once more. “Call Joel. Okay? Neither one of us have to be married to you. We can just be together as a whole. We can talk about the potential of the job together like we should have from the start.”

“It’s a little too late for that, don’t you think?” she wondered with Negan snickering at the thought. “I’m serious Negan.”

“It’s never too late for anything,” Negan contended, biting down on his bottom lip. “As long as you are still alive, nothing is ever too late. Trust me, I’ve learned that more than anyone. Which is why I’m hoping you will give it time to rethink this whole thing. I think together the three of us can come up with something better than whatever it is you are planning right now.”

Lowering her head, she knew that this would be the problem if she spoke to Joel or Negan. It would hurt so incredibly bad to hear something like this, “I won’t take the coaching job if that’s what you want. I just need you to tell me before New Years Day because that’s when the contract has to be signed.”

“Of course it does,” she frowned, a frustrated rumble coming from her throat. Negan didn’t know how to respond to that with her shrugging her shoulders. “I’m just saying, that’s just my luck with everything right now. Needing to have it done so soon.”

Thinking about what he said, she leaned against the doorframe and sighed, “I can’t have you pick me over that job Negan. I saw the way you looked when you were at that stadium. You loved being a baseball player. You’re not ready to give that up. You were sad at the idea.”

“Look at me,” Negan whispered, but she wouldn’t so he stepped in closer to her. “Look at me right now.”

Doing as she was told, she looked at Negan having a lump growing in her throat at the way he looked. His hazel eyes were red, his hair messy and he genuinely looked devastated. Sadder than she had ever seen him.

“When did I look worse?” Negan requested an answer from her, his throat flexing with discomfort. “Then? Or now?”

“Now,” she was honest, a broken breath escaping her throat.

“Throwing me and Joel out of your life is not the way to go. You love both of us too much for that and we love you too much for that,” Negan swore, nodding his head about trying to reason with her with this decision. “I would pick you over anything. Money. Fame. Anything. Because I love you that fucking much. I’d do anything for you. Anything. But asking me to not love you? To not be with you in some fashion? I can’t stop loving you. I never did. And I never will. I’d give up everything for you.”

“I believe you,” she found herself getting emotional about the whole thing with the way that Negan was doing his best not to break down himself. “I can’t ask you to do that though. Because someone who loves you can’t let that happen. You shouldn’t have to give up everything for me.”

“The feeling I have when I’m with you is better than any feeling I’ve had when I walk out there and hear the fans. What I have with you? It’s real. What I have with them? It’s temporary. If I do something wrong, I’m booed. They get pissed at me. I’m their hero as long as I’m winning and doing something right,” Negan described how things were for her to make her understand where he was coming from.

“Sounds like a toxic relationship,” she teased, reaching up to wipe at her eyes. It made Negan half smile and give her a small nod.

“It is,” Negan agreed with her, exhaling loudly. “I love you. I love your family. I love your kids. I’ve grown attached to them.”

“And they’re attached to you,” she assured him with a wink, feeling her chest aching at the sight of Negan doing his best to hold in his emotions, but failing miserably.

“There are options here Y/N,” Negan alerted her, pointing toward the ticket. “That’s just one of them. The best thing for us is to get Joel and have the three of us sit down together, like adults and talk these things out. And if we’re still confused about the job, let’s get Liz and Peter involved. Just cutting me out completely is destroying me.”

“Negan, you know that I love you and I don’t want to lose you from my life,” she knew that to be true and it was the most honest thing she had said to him.

“Then don’t,” Negan stopped her before she could say anything further. “Don’t push me away. Don’t lock me out. I love you and I made a fucking promise to be around from here on out. I won’t go back on my promise. You’re not going to lose me from your life completely. I won’t abandon you again.”

She let out a small whimper when Negan stepped in closer to her. Extending his hand out, he brushed his fingers in over the side of her face and let out a long sigh, “I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too,” she felt the same way, she knew that deep down she loved him more than she could explain. Lowering down, Negan’s lips hovered over hers for a moment drawing a chill down her spine. She assumed it was him testing to see if she was okay with him kissing her. Bringing their lips together, he let his lips linger in a loving sweep that took her breath away by the time that they separated. Caressing at the side of her face had her leaning into his touch.

“I’m going to give you what you asked of me. Which is time. Because I love and respect you,” Negan peppered a few more faint kisses at her lips. Backstepping slowly, he gave her a weak smile and shrugged his shoulders. “But please think this one out for me. For your family. None of this is the best for anyone.”

“You know there is a lot at stake when it comes to you,” she pointed out, her breathing now tremoring after him kissing her. “If I don’t make my decision in time, you sign that contract and I could lose out on time with you.”

“Then figure out what it is you really want before I have to be on that plane. Because if you don’t talk to me before then, I’m taking the hint that you don’t want me in your life anymore. Which I really hope isn’t the case,” Negan commented with a frown, the vein at his neck slightly bulging when he tensed up. “You know where to find me.”

Stepping back and away from the house, Negan started to make his way back to his car and she wondered if she should have called out to him. Tears were burning at her eyes when she looked down to gaze over the ticket. Negan really was perfect which led her to her final thought she had earlier. She wasn’t good enough for Negan.

Closing the door once Negan pulled out of the driveway, she rest her back against the door. Everything hurt. Every thump of her heart was pronounced and heavy. It felt like the room was spinning around her. Moving back to the couch, she fell on top of it and reached for the throw pillow. Pulling it in over her head she groaned out and wished the world would swallow her whole right now.

----

“Mom?” Elizabeth opened the door to her mother’s home, sticking her head just in enough to look around. It had been a few days since Christmas and she had only really interacted with her mother through text messages. That worried her. After Christmas both her father and her mother weren’t acting normal. So it told her that things didn’t end positively between them. That scared her because her mother wouldn’t usually just let things go like that. At first she couldn’t remember when her mother’s work schedule started back up, so she went there when it was after her mother’s typical work hours. When her eyes finally fell upon her mother, she realized that her mother was wrapped up in blankets sleeping. She looked miserable and like she had been crying, a lot. The television was on, but everything else was entirely black in the home. Moving into the home, she flicked the light on and let out a nervous breath. “Mom!”

Hearing Elizabeth calling out to her had Y/N sitting up swiftly on the couch, pulling her legs in closer to her when she saw Elizabeth moving into the home. Seeing the way her daughter looked at her told her all she needed to know about how she looked. Right now she found herself wishing that Elizabeth would have called her and told her that she was coming over so she could have cleaned herself up a bit, “Hey sweetheart. What are you doing here?”

“I was worried about you,” Elizabeth announced, stepping before the couch that her mother was seated on. Elizabeth looked over her mother before shaking her head. “You look awful mom.”

“I know,” Y/N agreed with her daughter realizing that if anyone else told her that she would have probably been offended by it. But Elizabeth wasn’t wrong. She undoubtedly looked awful and felt worse. Over the last few days she had done everything to avoid both Joel and Negan. No matter how hard they had tried.

“What’s going on?” Elizabeth demanded an answer, moving around the coffee table to sit down on the couch beside her mother. There was a worry flooding throughout her body with her dark eyes locked on her mother. Y/N shifted, lowering the blankets so that they were just wrapped around her lower half. Something on the table caught Elizabeth’s eyes and she reached out to pick it up. Realizing that it was a plane ticket made her throat go dry. “What’s this?”

“It’s a ticket that Negan left for me in case I want to go with him and sign the contract that he offered me,” Y/N confessed to her daughter who looked to the ticket again. Instead of doing anything with it, she had just let it sit in the same spot for days.

“This is for tomorrow,” Elizabeth pointed out, nodding down toward the ticket evoking a long, exaggerated sound to fall from her mother. Forcing herself to look away from the ticket, Y/N looked to the television and Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders. “So what are you doing?”

Avoiding the question, Y/N didn’t want to put the weight of her woes on her daughter’s shoulders. So she was going to choose to stay quiet about things. Lowering her head, Y/N’s breathing was uneven leaving Elizabeth to worry about her mother.

“Mom, I know you’re trying to protect me here, but I’m almost an adult. Let someone listen to you for once,” Elizabeth offered, setting the ticket down. Sliding in beside her mother, Elizabeth wrapped her arms around her mother to comfort her. Elizabeth felt her chest tightening and she felt disappointed in herself that she let her mom suffer like this for a few days alone. “What’s going on mom? Please, tell me.”

“No,” Y/N refused which just upset Elizabeth all the more. “You’re my child, I’m supposed to be strong for you. I can’t do this.”

“Mom,” Elizabeth frowned with Y/N pulling back to wipe at her face. “I’m a big girl. And my whole life you’ve been taking care of me and hiding your feelings. I know that you were miserable after dad divorced you. I heard you crying alone at night. You hid your emotions from me and Peter because you thought you were protecting us and you did. You wanted to keep us still loving dad, but I want you to talk to me because I can tell that you are miserable. So please, just talk to me. What’s going on?”

“Elizabeth,” she went to deny her daughter once more, but Elizabeth gave her a pleading look. “I told both your father and Negan that I didn’t want to be with either of them. And that’s really the best thing I can tell you right now.”

“Why?” Elizabeth was blunt, her face scrunching up in confusion. Going to talk, she stopped and then started again. “Can I please talk to you and have you talk to me like I’m not a baby anymore? Because I’m not stupid mom and I have questions. But in order to talk to you about this, I need you to stop treating me like I’m five. Please.”

Staring out at her daughter, Y/N had a hard time putting down those gates because Elizabeth was her daughter. Her baby. She would always see her as a child, no matter how old she got, “Mom, you three were not very quiet during Christmas. Plus I’m not stupid.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Y/N suggested with Elizabeth rolling her eyes, her jaw flexing much like Joel’s would when he was frustrated. “I don’t.”

“It doesn’t take a genius to see that you are in a love triangle with dad and Negan,” Elizabeth stated with a firm shake of her head letting out a stressed sound. “And I know the three of you did some things that I won’t tell anybody.”

“Excuse me?” Y/N choked back on her words with Elizabeth tipping her head from side to side. “What does that mean?”

“Mom. I’m seventeen. Dad was furious with Negan up until that trip to New York. Dad would rather kill himself than run on a treadmill. There was a reason that dad was in your bedroom with Negan. And then when the three of you were talking about being together, it all was just confirmed for me,” Elizabeth explained to her mother realizing that she was absolutely mortified hearing that. “Don’t. Don’t make that face. I don’t care who you, dad or Negan has sex with. Sex is a very normal thing. I can’t pretend that you and dad don’t have sex. I know you and dad have sex. A lot. Even when you were divorced. There is this chemistry between the two of you and let’s not forget that I walked in on you and Negan. I don’t have the best luck, but it’s also because I’m not blind nor stupid.”

“All I can say to all that is that I’m sorry,” Y/N didn’t know how to respond because nothing felt like a good enough thing to say to settle Elizabeth’s comments. “I don’t even know what to say about the three of us.”

“You like Negan and dad. Dad likes you and Negan. Negan likes dad and you. It’s not that hard to fucking say,” Elizabeth stressed getting a scoff from Y/N whose eyebrows furrowed with how her daughter was being very dramatic in the way that she said things. “I’m not going to dad about it because something tells me dad thinks I will judge him for being attracted to Negan which neither Peter nor I will be. We’re just not stupid mom. And we don’t care if we have two dads and a mom. It’s better than nothing. Trust me, I’ve seen you and dad. I would know what having no parents does to you.”

“I just don’t know how to respond to this because certain aspects of my life, I shouldn’t be talking about them to you,” Y/N looked for the right thing to say, but Elizabeth turned on the couch and shook her head. “Baby…”

“Okay. Let’s try this…why did you dump both dad and Negan?” Elizabeth stopped her mother from locking onto a negative thought for too long. “You have been crying for days and I know that because I’m a girl and I know what happens to your eyes when you do that. It’s not something you want. I kept hearing about this relationship with the three of you. Why is that not working? Peter nor I care if you three are together. We’re already pretty much used to it. We spent all holiday with the three of you.”

“Again, it’s complicated,” Y/N defended what was going on with Elizabeth throwing her hands up waiting for some kind of answer. “Both your dad and Negan were okay with the three of us being together, but they both wanted me to marry them. One of them wanted to be married to me while the other was promised to us.”

“And that’s bad why?” Elizabeth didn’t seem to understand. “I think that’s the smartest way to do something. That way everyone is involved.”

“It’s not that easy. It’s not publicly acceptable to have that kind of relationship,” Y/N educated her daughter on how the general public were and Elizabeth scoffed.

“Who cares what the public thinks? I don’t know if you noticed, but people suck mom. They are assholes. It’s rare to find a good person. People are perpetually miserable and they want to make everyone else the same. Marry one of them and promise yourselves to the other. Boom. Over. Done. Happy,” Elizabeth made it seem so easy which made Y/N smirk in disbelief. “Why is it so hard? Why dump them?”

“Because if I choose one of them, I’m going to break their hearts and I can’t do that,” Y/N emphasized her words, waving her hand about and it had Elizabeth’s head tipping to the side. By the expression, Y/N knew her daughter thought it was stupid. “It makes sense.”

“Not really,” Elizabeth denied, shaking her head profusely after she took time to consider it. “So you’re afraid that if you choose marrying dad, or marrying Negan, you will break their hearts? So the best option is to avoid both of them? Sob your eyes out. Break your heart. Break dad’s heart. And break Negan’s heart all at once. Because that makes more sense to you?”

“Well when you put it like that,” she realized how stupid it sounded when Elizabeth threw together that statement in a very simple way. “I just don’t think I can pick because I love them both too much to make them feel like I don’t love them enough. I might be a horrible person but I love both your father and Negan a lot.”

“No one doubts that,” Elizabeth assured her with a wrinkle of her nose. “I see the way you look at both of them.”

There was a silence that fell over them and Elizabeth let out an extended sigh, “Moving beyond Negan and dad for a minute. Let’s talk about your job offer.”

“Elizabeth, you’re my daughter,” she reminded Elizabeth with a firm shake of her head. “We shouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“Yes, yes we should,” Elizabeth claimed, brushing her fingers through her long, dark hair. “Both Peter and I told you that we don’t care where we are as long as we are with you. I heard what Negan had to say the other night. Take the job. Do what you always wanted. Allow dad to become a singer like he always wanted. Travel with him. That way, you three get to live your lives together. And on the off seasons, you have your home here.”

“But your lives are here,” she reminded Elizabeth of what she knew to be true.

“Mom, our lives are going to be here regardless. But what do we have here? Really?” Elizabeth rambled off, waving her hand about in the air. “I’m going to be headed to college not far from now. We’ll finish the year here. I’ll be going to college. Peter would love to travel with you guys. Negan could probably hire the best teachers for him if he does the home-schooling route. Peter makes friends everywhere. You know that. You’ve seen that. He’s not going to have any trouble. I’ll be eighteen. I can take care of Peter when you’re not here if you want him to still be in school. And we have Uncle Tommy. Who has always been like a big brother when it came to things. We’re not lost. You and dad have the right to live your dreams. Having us, we’re just an extra added bonus, right? But we want you happy. How does all of that not make sense?”

Staring out at her daughter, Y/N was surprised how easily she came up with all of that, “Here, I can write it down. You can call dad and Negan, you can make it work.”

“Honey,” she hushed Elizabeth who was eager to make everything work itself out. “I hate saying things like this. But I don’t…I don’t feel like I’m good enough for Negan or your father.”

“Now that is fucking stupid,” Elizabeth was straight forward, turning toward her mother with a disappointed expression. “Now I’m not saying you’re dumb, because you’re not. But I am saying that is stupid. That statement. Anyone would be lucky to have you. You’re emotional right now, so you’re not thinking clearly but you are the most supportive person I’ve ever known. And instead of being happy, you’re torturing yourself by letting go of two men you love because you think that their lives would be better without you. Say what you want mom, but I’ve known you my whole life and you’re better than most people I know. So get your shit together.”

Pausing to consider what Elizabeth was saying to her, Y/N couldn’t help but let out a tiny laugh at how straight forward she was being, “I’m sorry mom, but not making is a decision is making a big decision. And I don’t know how you don’t see that.”

Taking a moment to consider her next statement, Elizabeth threw her hands up and shrugged once more, “Mom? Even Peter who is an airhead agrees with me. Don’t make a decision about this job because of us. Any decision you do make? You’re making it for you. Not us. Because we support you. All the way through whatever you decide. But choosing to be miserable because you’re afraid of hurting someone? We won’t be okay with that. And we refuse to take credit for you turning this job away because of us. Because at the end of the day? We said we would do anything to make it work. So please think about that.”

“I think it’s too late for that Elizabeth,” Y/N looked to the time, also considering the last time that she spoke to Negan. “Your father is not talking to me and the last time Negan was here it was really bad. He was really upset. And he asked me to talk to him before he left. I think I’ve already screwed things up enough.”

“Mom, you’re making excuses and I just want you happy,” Elizabeth seemed genuinely upset that her mother wasn’t looking like she was going to make the right decision. “I love you. And I just want you to live the best possible life that you can.”

“You’re so sweet,” Y/N pulled Elizabeth in for a firm hug, appreciating that her daughter turned out to be such a loving person. “If there was one thing me and your dad did right, it was raising you two because you turned out so amazing.”

“Which is why I’m telling you, we want you happy,” Elizabeth repeated her main thought process with her mother, pulling back just enough to look her over. “Mom, I love you. And I’m going to love you whether you’re on the road for work or not. Whether you’re married to dad or married to Negan. I don’t care. As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters to me.”

“I’m listening,” Y/N appreciated the gesture as it was very sweet. It was everything she would want to hear, but she didn’t know how much it would help as she didn’t know how to feel to begin with. “You and Peter are the best children I could have ever asked for.”

They took a minute to cherish the hug that they shared with Elizabeth’s mind still lingering over that ticket and her mother’s relationship with both Negan and Joel. Pulling back, she considered her next words before speaking up again.

“I still think this whole not making a decision thing and pushing them both away is stupid,” Elizabeth repeated her earlier thoughts to her mother.

“You don’t know everything when it comes to my relationship with your father and Negan,” Y/N was firm in how she said things, letting her daughter know that she never really would. “I’ve done things…”

“Everyone has done something. We’re human. We’re naturally born to have flaws. That’s the point of life. To make mistakes and to learn from them,” Elizabeth commented, waving her hands about to show that she was expressive in what she was saying. The way that Elizabeth was talking reminded her a lot of Joel when they were younger, but it made sense. Elizabeth had her father’s eyes, hair color and dimples. Joel’s genes were strong and that was very obvious in their children. “Life doesn’t come with a set of rules.”

“Wow, that was really good,” Y/N smirked and it had Elizabeth rolling her eyes considering she felt like her mother was still missing the point. “I’m not trying to downplay what you are saying, I’m just impressed that it came from a seventeen-year old’s mouth.”

“Mom, I can tell that you’ve been crying and you’ve been crying a lot,” Elizabeth declared letting her mother know that she wasn’t hiding anything. “What is it you’re crying the most over? Your lack of a future? Maybe never having Negan in your life again? Upsetting dad?”

“I don’t know,” Y/N wished that she knew the answer to that, but she didn’t have one. And that seemed to upset her daughter even more. And while she wished that she had an answer, she knew at the end of the day she was broken hearted. But she didn’t know why.

----

Sitting alone in his work room, Joel hummed along to the music that was playing in the background. Working on some of his finishing touches on the next acoustic guitar he was making on his own, Joel grumbled to himself with the sound of someone walking into his room. Looking back over his shoulder, Joel saw Elizabeth unhurriedly moving in behind him and he offered her a weak smile.

“Hey kiddo,” Joel breathed out, turning back to his work. Knowing that Elizabeth told him she was going over to Y/N’s home, he was curious how Y/N was. After Y/N had dumped both him and Negan, he had buried himself into his work. This new guitar was the thing that he had been focusing on over the last few days to keep himself busy. “How’s your mother?”

“Miserable,” Elizabeth headed over to one of the other chairs in Joel’s work room, spinning in it slightly. Releasing a long, dramatic sigh, she spun back to face Joel when he set down the guitar on the table that was before him and gave her his full attention. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this upset. She’s been crying for days and she just doesn’t look very good right now.”

Hearing that had Joel’s face scrunching up, a sense of sadness flooding into his dark eyes. A pain grew at the center of his chest with his shoulders slouching forward, “Crying for days? Why?”

“Because she’s not thinking clearly. She’s so upset with the idea of hurting either you or Negan that she’s decided to pick neither of you and be alone. So she’s devastated because she loves both of you,” Elizabeth educated her father on what was going on with her mother. Hearing that had a broken breath escaping Joel. “I’ve never seen mom like this dad. She usually was better at hiding things when we were younger. We’d hear her crying at night when you two were divorced, but…”

The look over Joel’s face hearing about her crying when he left her had him making an expression that had Elizabeth’s words coming to a halt. Clearly, he felt bad hearing that and that wasn’t exactly her intentions, but maybe he needed to hear it.

“But when I went to go see her today, she was a mess. Eyes swollen from crying. Depressed. Wrapped up in blankets watching sad movies. Lost inside of herself,” Elizabeth rambled on about what she saw with Joel’s dark eyes growing bigger with worry. “I don’t know what’s going to happen to her dad.”

“What did she say?” Joel was curious for more information. Considering she wasn’t answering his calls or his texts, Elizabeth was his only option in getting information about Y/N.

“Negan came to her the other day,” Elizabeth began to explain getting a fire to burn through Joel’s veins. After she asked for them both to leave her alone, Joel wasn’t surprised to hear that. “He brought her a plane ticket. Apparently tomorrow he’s leaving because he has to sign that contract and he wanted her to come with him. Negan asked her to contact him before he left or otherwise he felt like she was telling him that she didn’t want him in her life at all.”

“And what decision is she making?” Joel inquired, his heart kick starting inside of his chest at what he was learning.

“She’s not making a decision at all. She told me that she would rather be alone than have to hurt either you or Negan,” Elizabeth told her father what Y/N had said when she asked her the very same question. “I told her that was the worst decision to make because then that meant she was going to hurt both of you and herself.”

“And what did she say after that?” Joel slurred, slouching forward on the seat, bracing his hands on the front of it and balancing his weight on his palms.

“I can’t make her change her mind. She thinks that if she goes back to the way that things were before Christmas, that everyone will be better off,” Elizabeth recalled what Y/N said to her when these same questions were asked. “She thinks she’s not good enough for either one of you. She thinks that you both deserve better than her.”

“That’s not true,” Joel immediately stated, lifting his right hand to place it over the center of his chest. “She’s better than the both of us combined.”

“I told her that it wasn’t true, but she’s really depressed dad and she thinks very poorly of herself,” Elizabeth stressed to her father feeling sad that she left her mother in the state that she was, not being able to get her mother to change her mind. “You need to do something.”

“What can I do? I’m part of the problem,” Joel decided, his deep southern drawl lingering. There was nothing that he could do in his opinion that could make things better because he was part of the issue as to why she was feeling so bad.

“I don’t know dad, but it hurt seeing her like that,” Elizabeth claimed with a bit of a defeated whimper herself. “Mom has always been the strongest person I’ve known and right now? I’m worried about her dad. I’m really worried about her. She’s making a horrible decision.”

Considering what his daughter was saying, Joel grinded his teeth, “Dad, I don’t understand why the three of you can’t work. You’re not doing this because of us, right?”

“Sorry?” Joel breathed out, his head turning to stare out at Elizabeth. “Ellie?”

“I’m going to tell you what I told mom. Dad, we’re not children anymore. Yes, we will always be your children,” she started, holding her hands up before Joel could correct her on that because she knew that he would. “But we’re not little. And I’m almost eighteen. I’m not blind to things. I know things, even though you and mom tried to hide them from me. Dad, I don’t see what the problem is here with the three of you being together. That’s what should happen. All three of you make each other happy. Right?”

“It’s complicated,” Joel didn’t know what to say and it had Elizabeth dramatically rolling her eyes. “It is.”

“Yeah, I know. Mom said the same thing, but it’s really not that complicated,” Elizabeth fought back, sliding in closer to her dad to get him to look at her. “I think people are too worried about what others think. Pete and me? We don’t care dad. We don’t. We love you. We love mom. We love Negan. If we have all three of you? We’ll be happy. If the public judges you, we won’t care. You always taught me to treat people right. Well I do. I’m a very good person. But I’m smart enough to know that people will suck no matter what you’re doing. They’re miserable. But you and mom should not allow yourselves to be miserable.”

Staying silent, Joel didn’t know what to say and Elizabeth was waiting for him. But when he didn’t? She just kept going, “Gosh. Okay. Do you know that when we were on the New York trip, Negan was the first person other than me or Peter that had you really smiling and laughing? I can’t remember the last time I saw you acting like that. Negan made you happy. You think you hate Negan? Well I think Negan is the best thing that happened to you and mom.”

“You do?” Joel breathed out, a lump developing in his throat when he forced himself to look away from Elizabeth.

“Hey, you’re not all that strange dad,” Elizabeth stammered, outstretching her hand to place it in over Joel’s. “For me? There are some pretty hot girls out there in the world too, you know? You don’t think I haven’t noticed them?”

“Ellie,” Joel grumbled under his breath, the lines in his forehead growing with disgust that his daughter was talking to him like that. “I’m not about to throw back the dude talk with you to gush on who is hot or not.”

“I’m just saying dad. I think maybe I’m like you,” Elizabeth confessed, shrugging her shoulders when she spoke with her eyes misting over. “I find beauty in everyone. I don’t understand what the problem is. If I fell in love with a woman, would you not support me?”

“Of course I would support you Ellie,” Joel stressed to her, his fingers hooking loosely with hers. “I love you. And I just want you happy. I wouldn’t care if you wanted to spend your life with a man or woman.”

“Or how about a man and a woman?” Elizabeth threw the idea out there causing Joel to smirk and shake his head. “Dad, it’s okay to love mom and to love Negan.”

“I don’t…” Joel started but it had Elizabeth’s eyes growing bigger at the way he was so quick to deny it. “I don’t know how I feel about Negan.”

“Fair enough, but there is something there,” Elizabeth confirmed, waiting on Joel to answer. When he gave her a weak nod, she squeezed her fingers tighter around his. “Now suddenly it all makes so much sense.”

“What does?” Joel didn’t know what she was hinting at.

“Why I crushed on Negan so fucking hard,” Elizabeth teased with a weak smile drawing Joel to roll his eyes. “Both of my parents were already head over heels in love with him. So it’s in my blood to be drawn to that man. Thank God I got over it fast.”

“Not fast enough,” Joel scoffed drawing the both of them to laugh at the idea of it. “Ellie, you’re just a kid.”

“Who might understand things better than I think you or mom does,” she interrupted her father’s thoughts, swallowing down hard. “I have some ideas that I think could work for you, mom, Negan…all of us. If you would all just sit down and talk it out with me. They’re good ones. I told mom and she liked it, but she is so down on herself, I think she would need to know that both you and Negan were okay with it too. We can bring Pete and Uncle Tommy. Make it a family thing.”

“Oh boy,” Joel shifted on the chair showing that it was already tense enough.

“It’s good stuff,” she halted him from thinking badly of it. “Stuff that would make everyone happy. And I think all together, everyone is the best option with our family. Just right now, I have to figure out why mom is being like this. The crying. What’s bothering her the most? How can we fix this whole thing and make it all work?”

“I don’t know,” Joel confessed, his eyebrows bouncing up trying to avoid getting emotional with his daughter. “I fucked up.”

“I think everyone did in this situation dad. Not just you. But that’s life,” she pointed out, leaning further back in her chair trying to think of how to make this situation better. “But now that you have the support of your children who know things and don’t care, that makes things better, right? And what you do going forward is more important than what you did before.”

“Yeah,” Joel exhaled loudly, giving his daughter a small nod. “I uh, I should go see your mom.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” she agreed with him, moving forward to step before him. Standing up from his chair, Joel wrapped her up in his arms and held her close. “Dad, I love you. And no matter who you love or how many people you love, you are the best dad I could ever ask for. Nothing could stop me from loving you as much as I do.”

“And I am so incredibly lucky to have you as my daughter,” Joel tipped back, his hand palming down in over the side of his daughter’s face. Yeah, the tears were there now but they were good ones. Emotions running high from the things his daughter said. “You’re the best thing I ever did Ellie. I hope you know that.”

----

Sitting alone in the darkness felt like the best option right now. After all the stresses of the world around her, it was best for Y/N to be alone to herself. There were no distractions and she could just focus on her feelings. Not that it was something that was the best for her. In fact, it was probably really awful for her because all she kept thinking about were all the negative things in her life.

After Elizabeth left, she couldn’t stop thinking about the decisions that she had made that led up to this moment. Leaving her all alone to herself. Sad and miserable while likely breaking the hearts of the two men she loved the most.

Sorrow was eating away at her, but most of all regret. If she wouldn’t have been selfish between both Joel and Negan, she would have never ended up in this position. It was addictive having that feeling of being loved by two men. Especially when they were men like Joel and Negan. There were so many things about the both of them that she loved. That’s why this whole thing was so hard. She would rather walk away with nothing than hurt either one of them.

Multiple times throughout the night she had received calls and texts from Negan that she hadn’t answered. After he gave her the option to meet him at the airport, she didn’t know how to tell him that she didn’t think she was coming.

It took the door being pushed open for her to let out a long exhale, her head turning to the side to see in the darkness that a shadowed figure was stumbling into the house. There was a loud thud followed by a slur of curse words which made her involuntarily laugh. Reaching for the blanket, she covered her head to hide the way she looked for when the lights finally did turn on.

“That serves you right for not knocking…again,” she stammered realizing in that moment just how broken her voice sounded. Likely from all the crying that she had done. “Just because you know where the key is doesn’t mean you should be coming in unannounced.”

“I was worried about you,” Joel’s southern drawl grunted from where he was laid out on the floor. Pushing up onto his hands, Joel got to his knees and realized just how dark it actually was in the house. “Why are you in the pitch black?”

Beneath the blankets, she could hear the light switching on. A moment later, Joel was tugging at the material after he closed the door and she tried to fight him from seeing her. Once the material pulled down, Joel let out a disappointed breath when he saw how miserable she looked.

“What are you doing here?” she questioned, reaching up to wipe at her eyes knowing how bad she had to look right now.

“Our daughter came to talk to me,” Joel explained to her with a long sigh, getting the blanket pulled from her body where he tossed it at the end near her feet. “And I realized that the two of us need to have a talk.”

“I don’t feel like talking,” she explained with a shake of her head, her throat tensing up at the thought of going through another conversation with Joel.

“Too bad,” Joel scoffed, holding his hand out for her to grab.

“What?” she didn’t accept his hand and his brow line furrowed. “Joel, I don’t want to do this right now.”

“We don’t always get to do what we want,” Joel reminded her, holding his hand out further toward her. Accepting his hand in hers, she grunted when he pulled her up from the couch. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?” she frowned, dragging her feet along with Joel leading her over toward the stairs. “I don’t want to go anywhere. I want to stay here.”

“I don’t care,” Joel stressed to her, turning to face her. With his expression he looked grumpy, but not an angry grumpy.

Picking her up in his arms had her gasping out and she hooked her arms around his shoulders when he started to carry her up the stairs, “Joel, what are you doing?”

“I’m making this easier for the both of us,” Joel insisted swiftly getting up the stairs and stopping when he reached the ladder that led to the attic that he had recently finished for her. Setting her back to her feet, Joel tapped the ladder almost demanding her to climb up it. “Don’t make me pick you up again because I will attempt to carry you up this darn thing and we could kill ourselves.”

“Fine,” she huffed starting to move up the ladder in a sluggish fashion. With the lack of sleep, she wasn’t going to be moving very well. After she reached the top, Joel was quick to follow her. Standing near the opening in the floor, she watched as Joel moved over toward the nook and dropped down on top of the cushion that was there. Patting beside him had Y/N sighing loudly. “I don’t think that’s a smart idea.”

“I know you’ve been locked up inside of this house torturing yourself, but tonight is a full moon and the sky is full of stars. So why don’t you get your ass over here, lay down and enjoy the sight of the thing that I worked so hard on for you,” Joel demanded and it made her mutter something under her breath. Thinking it over, she moved across the area and lowered down in beside Joel. When she laid down beside him, they both looked up toward the window that was there so they could look up at the sky. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“You know why,” she suggested with a long sigh, her eyes still locked upwards not wanting to look at him in the moment.

“It’s not worth it,” Joel breathed out, hooking his fingers together where he was resting his hands at his lower abdomen. “Ellie told me that you were dumping both of us because you didn’t think you deserved either one of us. That the best decision was letting the two of us go our own ways away from you.”

“I should have known that Elizabeth would tell you everything,” she admitted knowing that when she told Elizabeth everything and opened up to her, it was probably a bad idea.

“And I’m glad she did because she was right. You’re not normally like this,” Joel recalled their past together and even when he broke her, she never truly looked this miserable about things. “I don’t want you to end up like this because of me.”

“It’s not because of you,” she suggested, but it only made Joel scoff again. “It’s not because of you. This is all my fault Joel. I got too caught up in things and I got greedy. I should have just let you and Negan be. I should have never dragged either one of you along.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Joel countered, his face scrunching up at the idea of what she was trying to sell. Tossing his arms back, he curled them behind his head and took time to think things out. “You were happy before I was starting to cause drama for you and Negan. And I stole that from you. When we went to New York, I could see that the two of you were already close and I knew I didn’t have a chance. So I ruffled some feathers, but I never meant for it to go this far.”

Silence followed. Joel looked to her and she looked lost inside of herself. It took a long time for her to even react, but eventually she just closed her eyes and inhaled sharply, “I don’t know what to say Joel.”

“Say what you feel?” Joel wanted her to be honest with him. This whole thing made him feel guilty and he felt like a real asshole about everything. “Y/N, I’ve been thinking about everything since Negan showed up. I can’t remember the last time that you looked as happy as you did than when you were with Negan. And there is only one thing that I keep thinking.”

Still, she said nothing. Which led him to continue his thought process, “You’re miserable at the idea of having to pick because you don’t want to hurt anyone. But by not picking, you’re going to chase off Negan and your life is going to go back to the way it was before Negan showed up.”

“So?” she didn’t realize where he was headed with this.

“So that means that you are miserable because you’re losing Negan,” Joel deducted, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat with him letting out an extended sigh. “I’m still going to be here. I’m the father to your children. You aren’t losing me. So it’s not me that you’re miserable and heartbroken about. It’s Negan that you’re heart broken over.”

Once more, she didn’t have an answer. Her eyes just misted over, her throat tensing up and she looked back up at the night sky, “I think you should go to him at the airport tomorrow. I think you should take the job. And I think you should marry him. Everything else? We’ll work out together. The three of us.”

It took a minute for her to react, but when she did she lifted up on her elbow and stared down at Joel, “Come again?”

“It’s what is best for you,” Joel explained lowering his arms and pulling himself up into a seated position. “I think Negan is what is best for you. He makes you happy. He gives you everything that you want in life. And he loves you. So much. The best option here is for you to pick Negan. It’s not like I’m losing out anyways. I still get to be with you and Negan. Most people would love that kind of life.”

“And what about the children?” she wondered knowing that she would be far away from them if she accepted the job.

“Apparently Ellie has ideas that she is willing to explain to all of us,” Joel commented on what his daughter had told him earlier. “You apparently heard it and she said you seemed to like it. So all it takes is us sitting together. You have been putting yourself last for a long time now and I think it’s time that you put yourself first. You deserve that once in a while.”

“And you think that Negan is my way to do that? You think this job is the way to do it?” she was curious as to why he was telling her to go to Negan.

“I do,” Joel admitted with a frown, his shoulders shrugging when he thought about things longer. “I had four years where I could have done the right thing. It took me four years to get my shit together, but by the time I did, I reckon I was too late. Negan, he showed up and in no time he won you over. He was on the right track the whole time. I just kept hurting you. And I’m worried that’s all I’ll keep doing if Negan’s not here. Negan puts me on the straight path, he keeps my head level. Even if he’s a pain in the ass.”

“So you would be okay with me being married to Negan?” she inquired, still having a hard time looking at Joel. But this time she did steal a look and he actually looked pitiful at the idea with his big brown eyes staring out at her. “Joel?”

“I don’t know. I’d love to say yes, but deep down inside of me I’ve always thought you were mine and we were going to spend the rest of our lives together after everything calmed down,” Joel explained and he dropped his head down, his fingers caressing at the back of his neck. “Which makes me an asshole because you should have never had to wait for me to figure my life out. We should have never broken up like we did and that’s on me.”

“Maybe I just wasn’t good enough for you,” she thought aloud and it had Joel groaning out loud in disgust. “Trust me, it’s a thought I’ve had for a long time.”

“You were too good for me and you’re too good for Negan,” Joel stressed that, throwing his hands out in the air. His head bobbed dramatically before he snorted. “Thinking that you’re not good enough for us is a fucking joke and a half.”

“I don’t know Joel, I never felt good enough,” she opened up to him, pulling her legs in closer to her chest. “I never understood why you didn’t like me when we were younger. I tried so hard to get your attention. And then when I had it, I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world because I loved you so much. Then to find out that you really didn’t like me…”

“I loved you,” Joel interrupted her with a firm shake of his head, the lines in his forehead growing at the idea that she didn’t think he cared for her. “I still love you. I love you so fucking much it hurts.”

“Everyone I’ve loved has left me,” she recalled, a broken whimper escaping her lips. “My parents got rid of me the second I decided to keep Elizabeth. When you found something better, you left me. Negan left me when we were younger…”

“It’s not you,” Joel hissed, outstretching his hands to grab a tight hold of hers. “The world around you sucks. Your parents are assholes. I was an asshole and with Negan…”

“I was the asshole,” she finished off for Joel the statement that she felt was true to her heart. “Joel, I don’t deserve Negan. I know that he thinks he loves me and maybe he does. But after what I did to him? I was such a bitch.”

“You were young and blind to your love,” Joel knew that she was talking about how she cheated on him with Joel. “I don’t think you really thought the two of you were dating…”

“But I did,” she thought back on when they were younger. “We did everything together Joel. I knew that he was my boyfriend. And I knew that he loved me so much, but when you came around? I wanted nothing more than to be with you. I saw stars every time you walked into a room. I wanted you so fucking bad that I was willing to break the heart of the person that meant the most to me and took care of me my whole life in order to get you.”

“You were young Y/N. I don’t think you knew what you were doing and I laid it on thick,” Joel tried to give her an excuse, but she let out a broken breath shaking her head slowly. “I knew how you felt about me and I used it to control the situation.”

“But I should have never let it happen,” she noted, thinking back to when they were together as teenagers. “Negan was so romantic with me. And I think he was supposed to be my soulmate. I would have had the perfect life if it was Negan that I hooked up with,” she admitted and it had Joel lowering his head hating to hear that kind of thought process. “But I picked you. I wanted you. When you took me to your bedroom that night, I wanted to have sex with you. I wanted you to be my first. Even if you didn’t lay it on thick, I would have eagerly jumped you. I wanted to please you so bad that you never wanted anyone but me. I of course was a virgin so I didn’t know what I was doing, but…”

“Oh, you knew what you were doing,” Joel interrupted her with a laugh, his nose wrinkling in amusement. “You may have not lost your virginity yet, but what you could do with your mouth and your hands…”

“This always goes south whenever we talk,” she rolled her eyes and shakily brushed her hair back over her shoulders.

“I’m just correcting you on your thought process,” Joel admitted with a laugh, his head shaking from side to side.

“I’m just saying Joel, I’ve been obsessed with you since day one,” she recognized that sounded creepy, but she knew that the moment she met Joel she was hooked. “Negan never had a chance once you were in my life. And what I did to him really was unforgiveable.”

“He met Lucille and he thinks that was the way things were meant to happen,” Joel knew that Negan really never blamed her for that. “You know that.”

“He would say anything to make me feel better about myself because that’s what Negan does,” she realized how things were with her relationship with Negan. “I’ve broken his heart more times than I care to admit and every time he is so willing to forgive me. And I don’t deserve it.”

“Can I ask you something?” Joel replied back, hearing her trembling in her breathing. “Why is it okay that I broke your heart, but it’s not okay that you broke his?”

“What do you mean?” she didn’t have an answer for him because she didn’t understand.

“I mean, you are constantly saying that Negan and I deserve better,” Joel repeated what she had said several times at this point. “I spent years hurting you. I broke your heart so many times that I’ve lost count. But you’re willing to forgive me and put my happiness over yours. But when it comes to you and Negan, you break his heart as a child because you loved me and you’re unforgiveable. Why?”

“I…” she hadn’t thought of it like that. Swallowing down, her lips parted and she dropped her head forward. “I don’t know.”

“You’re a better person than I ever was Y/N,” Joel threw that out there, his voice growing raspier the more he talked showing that he was getting emotional about the whole thing. “At your worst, you don’t even scratch the surface of the things I have done. Yet you think I deserve happiness and you don’t.”

“Because I love you and I want what is best for you,” she admitted, her saddened eyes locking with his. “And I do feel I’m the problem.”

“You’re far from the problem,” Joel slid forward to caress in over the side of her face. “You’re the answer.”

Hearing him say that took her breath away with Joel letting out something that sounded like a whimper, “You are the answer to making things better. You always were. Negan sees it. I see it. Having you in my life? That’s the thing that always made things better. When you love, you love with everything that you are. And the person at the other end of that love? Well, I reckon they are the luckiest person alive because no one loves like you do. So no. You are not the problem. You are the person that solves the problem. You are what makes everything whole again. I’m sorry that I was blinded to that for a little while, but I know that now.”

Again, it changed nothing, but he wished he would have noticed it when his life was falling to shit and he made the worst decision he had ever done in choosing to divorce her, but he couldn’t turn back time, “I love you. Which is why I’m telling you to go to that airport with Negan. We’ll work it out. Negan never made the mistakes that I did. He always knew you were the answer. And he cherished you as such. I think you were right. I think you two were soulmates and I fucked that up.”

“I don’t believe that,” she refused to believe that Joel wasn’t meant to be in her life. “Maybe the three of us were all meant to be soulmates. That’s why I thought the whole poly relationship would work out.”

“It would work out, I just got greedy and wanted to be your primary lover,” Joel took a minute to think about the way he worded that and he laughed. “I realize that sounded stupid, but I don’t mind sharing you with him. I just wanted to be your husband.”

“And you don’t anymore?” she stammered after being quiet. Joel kept his head down and he shrugged his shoulders.

“Trust me, I still want it. I want you to be mine and me to be yours, but I know that when you love something, and I love you,” Joel began, reaching for her hands again to give them a firm squeeze. “Well, then sometimes you have to let it go. I know without question that Negan is better for you. I know that he gives you more happiness than I can. I can never make up for all the mistakes that I made. I’d love to try, but I think the slate is cleaner with Negan.”

“Just like that?” she stammered, her eyes narrowing and Joel gave her a small nod. “Thank you Joel.”

“I just want you happy,” Joel slurred, leaning forward enough to hover his lips in over hers. The warmth of his breath lingered causing a chill down her spine. Bringing their lips together, Joel pressed a loving kiss over her lips. Pulling back with a hum, Joel dragged his thumb in over her bottom lip and gave her a wink. “I’ll always be here for you. To support you and lift you up when you need me. Because you are the love of my life Y/N. And that will never change.”

Getting up carefully, Joel swept his fingers in underneath her jaw and nodded over toward the exit of the attic, “I should get going. I think you might want to pack for tomorrow and clean up. Give yourself a break and get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a big day.”

Watching Joel head for the exit, she felt a lump growing at the center of her throat and she called out to him getting him to stop, “If I asked you to give me a reason not to go to Negan tomorrow, but instead pick you…what would you say?”

“No,” Joel shook his head, pushing his hands into his pockets. Kicking slightly at the floor, Joel grumbled under his breath. “Nothing I could say would be better than anything that Negan could give you. And I do genuinely in my heart believe that you should be with Negan. Not because I don’t love you, but because I love you enough to want you happy. Go to the airport tomorrow Y/N. You know I’m right. You’re not losing me, you’d be losing Negan and that’s what has you so upset.”

Joel was attempting to hold back on his emotions. Giving her a final wink, Joel left the attic leaving her to herself. Hearing him leave the house, she laid back again to look up at the sky like Joel had coached her to do earlier. What he had done was leave her with a whole lot of thoughts and feelings that she had to consider.

----

Pacing, Negan knew that they were loading people onto the airplane and he should have taken his seat. Instead, he was waiting. Even though everything was telling him it was impossible, he was just hoping that Y/N was running late. He should have known better. Since he had given her the ticket, he hadn’t heard from her. Every day he sent her a text message letting her know how much he loved and cared about her. Uplifting messages to try and make her feel better. But he got nothing in return.

“Mr. Smith?” someone called out to him waiting at the entrance of the walkway that led to the plane that he was meant to get on. “You’re going to have to get on soon.”

“Just give me one more minute,” Negan pled, holding his finger up in the air motioning them to wait. The person gave him a firm nod and Negan waited. Staring down at the walkway, he was hoping that Y/N would come, but she wasn’t. No one was headed toward this gate and he knew that he was waiting for nothing.

Dialing her number, Negan put his phone to his ear and waited. With how long it was ringing, he knew that she wasn’t going to answer. And he was right. A severe ache grew at the center of his chest and he let out a tremoring breath.

What was he going to do? Leave her a message? Get on the plane? Stay? What could he really do in this situation? She wasn’t talking to him. She wasn’t answering his calls. Maybe he should have just quit all together. Let his final year go and not sign that contract to become the coach. Afterall, his knee was fucked up. All it was going to take was one more injury and he was done. Everyone knew he was hurt anyways. His knee would be an incredible target to those people that never really liked him. And he was already wearing a brace most days as it was.

When her voicemail came up, Negan felt his throat go dry. It felt like his heart stopped for just a second. Everything felt hot when he cleared his throat, “Hey, this is Negan. Y’know that though. I just uh…I guess you’re not coming. And you didn’t talk to me, so maybe that means that you don’t want me in your life anymore. I just uhm…I just want to let you know that I love you. Getting to spend the short amount of time with you these last few weeks is the first time I’ve felt alive again in years. Truth is…” Negan paused realizing that he was getting emotional talking to her voicemail. “I don’t know what to do. I’m in the middle of the airport and they are telling me that I have to get on the plane, but I don’t want to. No where feels like home anymore for me. Just you. And I love you so fucking much.”

Damn, he was crying. In the middle of an airport. Not dramatically enough to draw attention to himself, but he felt the warmth of a tear sliding down his face, “I guess I should get on the plane because you haven’t called back. I just want to say I’m sorry. My intention was never to hurt you. I just wanted to make you happy and by doing that, I fucking overwhelmed you. I’m sorry. So fucking sorry. I moved too fast and I involved your daughter in this and I know that I shouldn’t have. I know how much Joel means to you, I just…I love you. And I should have fought for you when we were children, but I was hurt and I let that hurt linger. I regret it. If you decide while I’m on that plane that you do want to be with me, you can call me. I’ll check my messages when I land. I’ll quit immediately if that’s what you want from me. I don’t need to play a final year. I don’t need this coaching job. The only thing that matters to me is you. And if you don’t want me in your life, I’ll take the hint. That I’ve complicated things too much for you. And instead of coming back to town, I’ll just go home. I won’t get the home in our hometown and I’ll leave you be. I just…whatever happens know that I love you. I’ll always love you. And thank you for the happiness you brought to my life over the last few weeks. Both you and the children have been the best part about my life over the last few years. You’re perfect in every way Y/N. Never forget that.”

Hanging up the phone, Negan let out a tremoring breath wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand that wasn’t holding the cell phone. Clearing his throat, he was doing his best to get it together. The person was calling out to him again and Negan swallowed down hard. Turning on his heel, he clung to his bag and walked to the gate. Handing over his ticket, he felt awful walking up to the airplane.

The flight attendant there was excited to see that it was him on the plane, doing her best to flirt with him, but he was in so much pain that he didn’t even care. Right now he didn’t want to fake it. He didn’t want to pretend that everything was okay. Because it wasn’t.

Putting his bag in the overhead, Negan dropped down into the seat that was by the window. Beside him was the empty seat that he had gotten for Y/N. At least on the trip he would be alone so that way no one could bother him.

Dropping his head back against the seat, Negan covered his eyes and let out a frustrated grunt. This was the last place he wanted to be right now. Movement in the aisleway was heard and in that sense, maybe it was good he waited because obviously there were other people late besides him.

“Hey, you’re that baseball player, right?” an unknown voice questioned making Negan hiss out. Great. This was the last thing he needed right now. Weight dropped down in beside him into the seat where Y/N was meant to be and he felt a fire flooding his veins. “The one that’s retiring.”

“Yeah, that’s me,” Negan exhaled dramatically, keeping his hand over his eyes and rubbing at them.

“You’re known for being kind of an asshole, right?” the voice continued on and Negan felt his jaw flexing in frustration at the man that had clearly taken a seat beside him.

“Listen, I’ve had a horrible fucking day and right now I can’t take this shit,” Negan warned with a sense of venom in his tone, dropping his hand down ready to give the person beside him a verbal lashing. Letting out a confused breath, Negan met the familiar brown eyed stare. An uncomfortable sound fell from his throat and he shook his head. “What the fuck are you doing here? And why the hell were you talking like that?”

“I just wanted to see how you’d react,” the southern drawl returned and Negan felt his heart hammering inside of his chest.

“Joel, I don’t understand,” Negan stressed, his body tense and upset. The flight attendant from earlier was watching them from the front of the plane and Negan shook his head. “So what the fuck are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Joel got comfortable in the seat beside Negan, stretching his legs out and cuddling back into the seat that was behind him.

“I’m flying out to meet the owner of the team to…” Negan began with Joel waving his hand about in the air in an over dramatic manner to get Negan to shut up.

“Yeah, yeah. I know. You have to sign a contract if you want to be the coach of the team after this year,” Joel blew off what Negan was saying, acting ridiculous with the way he was responding to Negan. “But I’ll repeat my question. What are you doing on this plane?”

“What am I supposed to be answering here Joel?” Negan snapped, his voice lowering when people started to calm down around him, getting prepared for the flight.

“You should be at Y/N’s home right now, not on this plane,” Joel answered for him having Negan’s hazel eyes getting wide with Negan leaning forward in the seat that he was in. “You should have never gotten on this plane.”

“You have a lot of nerve,” Negan snapped, pointing his finger out at Joel who simply just turned his head to stare out at him much like a child getting in trouble would. “You’re the one that threw the ultimatum out for her. And now that I’m here…”

“She’s broken-hearted Negan,” Joel informed Negan with a frown, his chocolate-colored eyes looking away from Negan in shame. “Ellie went to see her and she told me that she had been crying for days. And then I went to see her. Ellie was right.”

“She made her choice Joel,” Negan suggested, lowering his hands to rub at his knees. Everything hurt. It felt like he was being punched in the gut again and again with how much he was hurting from this whole thing. “I told her if she didn’t want this job, but she still wanted to be with me, to let me know before I left. I gave her the ticket. She hasn’t called me and she isn’t here. So, if I don’t hear anything, I’m not coming back. I’m just going to go home and leave her alone because she obviously…”

“Oh God,” Joel groaned outwardly infuriating Negan with the way that Joel dropped his head forward into his hand. “You’re so smart and good with people and you’re being so fucking stupid right now.”

“What do you expect me to do?” Negan blurt out, a chill running down his spine with the way that Joel was getting him worked up.

“I expect you to be Negan! The guy that has been infuriatingly perfect over the last few weeks. The guy that knows how to make her smile and feel good even when she wants to fall apart,” Joel stammered, lowering his hand to place it over the center of his chest.

“She picked you,” Negan didn’t know what to say to this whole act that Joel was putting on. “Are you here to rub it in my face…or what?”

“She picked me? You think she picked me?” Joel chuckled, immediately shaking his head. “No she didn’t. She didn’t make a choice because she was afraid of hurting someone’s feelings if she made a choice. So instead, she’s not making a choice. She’s letting things go back to the way they were before you showed up because she would rather be alone than hurt anyone. That was her choice, but that choice is destroying her.”

Stammering to find the right words, Negan knew that he was still emotional with his bottom lip trembling, “I don’t want her to be miserable. I just want her happy.”

“I know you do,” Joel confessed with a nod of his head, his jaw flexing with contemplation. “And I realized something. She’s miserable, heart broken. Waiting for things to go back to the way they were before Christmas. Which means she’s not with me, but I’m still in her life because I’m Ellie and Peter’s dad. But she’s gonna be without you. And the idea of not having you in her life has her fucking shattered.”

Lowering his head, Negan’s Adam’s apple bounced in his throat. Something that resembled a whimper fell from Negan’s lips and in that moment Joel felt incredibly guilty. This whole time he thought Negan had some kind of ulterior motive for the things that Joel had done when they were younger, but now? He didn’t question the love that Negan had for Y/N. Negan was broken too.

“I’m sorry sir, but this isn’t your seat,” the flight attendant from earlier stepped forward finally after watching their interaction from afar. “I know where your seat is and it looks like you’re upsetting Mr. Smith here and…”

“He’s staying,” Negan interrupted her, his hand stretching out to place in over Joel’s chest to suggest he wasn’t going anywhere.

“You heard the man,” Joel gave the woman a shit eating grin that had her letting out an offended breath before walking away. Lowering his arm, Negan dropped his head again and Joel could see that Negan was deep in thought.

“It’s you that she’s broken about because I’m never leaving her life. I’m the father to her children. But if she doesn’t pick, she loses you. And that’s why she’s devastated, locked up on her own and miserable. She loves you. And she didn’t want to hurt me because she doesn’t want to hurt anyone. So instead she hurts herself, thinking she’s doing what’s right because she doesn’t think she’s good enough for either one of us,” Joel explained to Negan, his facial expression softening as Negan’s head lifted and the misery was evident in Negan’s eyes. “When in reality, she’s perfect. I reckon better than both of us put together. She’s pure. She has the biggest heart I’ve ever known. And she’s in love with you. She’s in love with us.”

Lifting his hand again, Negan covered his eyes and Joel knew that he was trying to hide that he was getting emotional, “I broke her. And it took you all but a few weeks to heal her and make her happy again. To make things right between us. I don’t deserve to be married to her. But you? You do.”

“She loves you,” Negan reminded Joel with a tremoring breath.

“And she always will. I’ll always feel the same about her, but you are the one thing she can’t stand to be without Negan,” Joel insisted, giving him a simple shrug. Reaching out, Joel’s hand covered Negan’s getting Negan to gaze over at him. “And me? Well, I get the best part of the deal. I get to be with the both of you. And I can’t fuck up my marriage again if I’m the one wearing a promise ring. Although, I don’t plan to fuck up the relationship.”

Not sure what to say, Negan’s head tipped to the side and his hazel eyes narrowed, “Truth is Negan, you make both of us better. We love each other and we could get re-married. But you not only healed her. You healed me too. She loves you. My kids love you. And I love you. I don’t care how anyone judges me with saying that. I’ll fucking scream it on the plane if I have to prove it to you. I’m okay with this relationship. I’m okay with you being married to her. Because you make all of us better.”

“Bullshit,” Negan frowned, shaking his head slowly. “You will not be okay with this. You think you feel a certain way for me, but you don’t…”

“Oh?” Joel stood up from the seat that he was in, clapping his hands together. “Hey there everyone. Can I have your attention please?”

“Joel?” Negan snapped waving his hand to get Joel to sit down, but Joel immediately shook his head. Considering the plane had gone quiet, Negan knew that the people on the plane were genuinely listening to Joel.

“You see this man right here? This is Negan Smith, the famous baseball player,” Joel informed them all hearing a few sounds of awe with Negan burying his head into his hand. “I know, I reckon it’s pretty cool. You see, I have known this man since I was a child. He’s a cheeky motherfucker and he can be an asshole at times, but? I’m in love with him. Well, not just him, my ex-wife too, but that gets complicated…”

“Joel,” Negan laughed noticing that a few of the flight attendants were getting upset that Joel had the attention on the plane. Swiftly moving forward, Joel’s palm pressed in over the side of Negan’s face leading Negan up to him to bring their lips together for everyone to see surprising Negan at first. Allowing Joel to kiss him, Negan started to kiss him back and he knew that this would be an interesting turn of events considering the plane wasn’t empty. Humming, Negan urged Joel to lower back down into his seat with is forehead pressing to Joel’s when they separated. “You made your point. You got them talking.”

“And I don’t care what they are saying. What I do know,” Joel breathed, his thumb caressing over Negan’s chiseled jawline, “Is that I love you and I love her. And you both make me a better man. And I can’t lose that. I like the person I’m capable of being when you’re here and she’s here. I don’t care about the jobs. I want her happy. If she wants to do it, we’ll do it. My kids love the shit outta you and apparently Ellie has got ideas about how to make all of this work.”

“Oh?” Negan chuckled with a weak smile, nuzzling his nose in against Joel’s appreciating the way that this actually felt. “You do realize that this whole plane is going to think that you’re my lover now, right?”

“I am,” Joel reminded Negan with a tip of his head, his southern drawl growing stronger. “One of them at least. And my kids are okay with it. I’m okay with it.”

“I’m proud of you,” Negan leaned into press another lingering kiss over Joel’s lips getting him to hum when Negan brushed his fingers through Joel’s dark hair. When they separated, Negan gave a firm nod. “And I love you too.”

“So then what are we still waiting for? Let’s get off the fucking plane, go to her and fix things. I’m not gonna be a problem anymore because I want this. I want all of us happy. And you make all of us, every single one of us happier than we have been in a very long time. Even my kids see it. So we need to get out of here.”

“So we just get up and leave?” Negan looked to the front of the plane where they were finishing up with things and were preparing to take off. A few of them were giving them odd expressions since Joel just made a big display of his love for Negan. “We can’t do that.”

“Of course we can. You’re Negan Smith, you can do whatever you want,” Joel grumbled under his breath, throwing his hands about. “The plane isn’t in the air yet. That flight attendant is so far up your ass, you could do whatever you wanted.”

It was like Negan was thinking about everything that Joel was saying and it made Joel scoff, “You love her, right?”

“More than anything,” Negan was quick to respond and it had Joel waving his hand about.

“Then why aren’t you getting your ass out of the seat, grabbing your bag and getting the fuck out of here? You know that they would reschedule this contract signing for you if you asked them to, she’s more important,” Joel rumbled with Negan’s brow line creasing, his breathing growing louder. A moment later, Negan stood up from his seat. His fingers curled around Joel’s jacket to get him to stand up from the seat. Snatching his bag from the overhead container, Negan dragged Joel toward the door of the plane.

“I have to get off,” Negan explained to the flight attendants who looked like they were about to tell him he couldn’t. Realizing where this was headed, Negan cleared his throat uneasily and looked to Joel. “This man is having an asthma attack. He has horrible asthma and he forgot to bring his inhaler from the car. I’m going to go with him to make sure that he gets help.”

“It’s probably from you sucking the life out of him with that kiss,” one of the flight attendants stammered and it made Joel laugh who tried to mask it with him faking having an asthma attack. The flight attendants looked to Joel and suddenly Joel realized that he was meant to put on a performance. Starting to act like he was struggling to breathe, Joel curled his fingers around his throat and nodded desperately. Hooking his arm firmly around Joel, Negan acted like he was keeping Joel up who sank in against Negan.

“See! The man is having an asthma attack. His ex-wife only just dropped him off. If I get him off the plane, I can get her back in time to bring him the inhaler that he left in the car. The longer you keep him on the plane, the more likely he is to die!” Negan insisted having Joel growing heavier and he let out a wince. Even though he was selling it perfectly, Joel was laying it on way too thick making it hard to hold him up. “Too much.”

Realizing that Negan was saying he couldn’t carry him like that, Joel braced himself. One of the flight attendants was quick to open the door. Swiftly getting off the plane, they moved quick enough down the walkway, but not too fast to the point that they knew they were lying. Joel was still acting as if he was having an asthma attack. Stealing a look over his shoulder, Negan saw that they were still watching them and he nodded his head.

“Keep it up, they’re still watching,” Negan whispered once they finally got off the walkway. One of the workers was waiting for them at the gate, but Negan assured him that he would handle it. They kept it up until they were finally outside of the airport where Joel braced himself back against the wall. “You okay?”

“I’m actually lightheaded after that,” Joel groaned, coughing after the performance he put on with hyperventilating. “I have a newfound empathy for those that have asthma because fuck…”

“Catch your breath,” Negan moved forward to caress his hand in over the center of Joel’s chest having Joel’s eyes grow wide when he dropped his head back against the building. “Do you think they knew we were faking?”

“Please, I sold the shit out of that,” Joel defended himself, lowering down to place his hands in over his thighs to catch his breath. “They have no idea that it wasn’t real. You were quick on your feet, I just wish we would have come up with something that didn’t take so much out of me.”

“Can I kiss you again?” Negan wondered, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat realizing that they were in public with a lot of people showing up at the airport.

“I don’t know, you might suck the life out of me,” Joel teased, biting at his bottom lip when Negan hooked his fingers around his shirt balling it up at the center of his chest. Pulling Joel forward, Negan stole a kiss from his lips that had Joel hooking his arms around him proving to him that he was fully ready to be with him the way that they had talked about. When they parted, Joel’s eyebrows bounced up and Joel shrugged. “Maybe I should have been an actor with that performance, huh?”

“You were good, but not that good,” Negan playfully joked, peppering a few faint kisses over Joel’s lips. At some point, he was certain that there would either be photos of them kissing or a video since they were in public, but Joel didn’t seem to mind that. “Don’t push it Miller.”

Stepping in beside Joel, Negan clung to his bag and looked at the people that were showing up at the airport, “Now what?”

“I have an idea,” Joel explained, reaching out to pat Negan on the stomach giving him a wink. “Although, I do have to ask you for a favor.”

“Anything,” Negan nodded his head realizing that the only reason he wasn’t on that plane was because of Joel. “You name it.”

“So, in order to get on that plane I had to buy a first-class ticket,” Joel claimed, standing up straighter to meet Negan’s stare. “Do you think that I can borrow some money from you to pay off the credit card? At the moment, I didn’t have the money for that with Christmas and all…”

“You’ve got it,” Negan snickered, patting Joel on the chest and giving him a firm nod. “It would be no problem at all.”

----

Heading out of her car, Y/N followed the walkway at the center of town that was lit up by the lights that were still hanging. Their town waited until after the first few weeks of January to take down the decorations and she was thankful in this case. Elizabeth had called her in a panic asking Y/N to come get her. Not even thinking twice about it, she just threw her jacket on and ran out into the snow in her pajamas to go get Elizabeth. Fear was eating away at her, worried why her daughter was out this late anyways desperately needing to be picked up.

By now she expected to see Elizabeth, but the closer she got to the large tree at the center of town, the more she began to realize that no one was there. Reaching for her phone, Y/N pulled it out to see if Elizabeth had called her again or sent her a text to let her know where she was. This was the place that Elizabeth asked her to come.

“Elizabeth?” she called out her daughter’s name, dialing her daughter’s phone number. Panic started to flood her veins when her daughter wasn’t answering her phone. Not only that, but she also couldn’t hear her daughter’s ringtone so that meant she wasn’t here. “Elizabeth?!”

“Calm down,” a voice urged when she made it to the tree and from behind it she saw Joel stepping out in front of her holding his hands up in the air. “She’s not here.”

“Where is she?” Y/N was having trouble calming down, her body shaking from the immediate fear that had flooded her veins at the idea of her daughter not being okay. “Joel! Where is she?”

“She’s at home with Tommy. Both her and Peter are safe,” Joel held his hands up in the air defensively with him stepping in closer to her. His dark eyes were locked with hers and he seemed empathetic to the fact that she was upset. “I just had to find a way to get you out of the house and here to talk to me.”

“You used our daughter to get me out of the house so I would talk to you? We just talked last night! Why didn’t you show up at the house?” she was angry with every muscle in her body tensing up. “Joel! I just almost had a fucking panic attack because I was scared something happened to our daughter. But no, instead her father was using her to get me here.”

“How else was I supposed to get you here?” Joel reasoned with her, shoving his hands into his pockets and giving her a dramatic shrug. “I knew that you wouldn’t come here if you knew it was me here waiting for you, so I had to do what I knew would work. You’re an amazing mother and if you thought there was something wrong with one of our children, you would come here immediately.”

“Dick,” she scoffed eliciting a tiny snicker from Joel. Placing her hand at the center of her chest, she attempted to calm herself down. Everything felt like it was spinning and her heart was still hammering inside of her chest. The worst-case scenario had been swirling in her mind when she got here and to know that it was just a ploy to get her to talk to Joel upset her.

“Why didn’t you go to the airport?” Joel wondered, his hands pushing into his pockets while he stared out at her with his big brown eyes.

“How did you know I didn’t go?” she breathed out, sucking in a sharp breath of air.

“You’re here,” Joel stressed to her when in reality, he had been sitting outside her home earlier today and that’s why he rushed to the airport himself when he realized she wasn’t going.

“You look like you’ve been crying,” Joel pointed out with a frown. That heartbreak? It was there and it still showed.

“You’re very observative,” she wiped at her eyes, used to people pointing out she looked like shit. That’s what crying constantly would do to you. She hadn’t showered today which meant her hair was undoubtedly a mess. Not only that, she was wearing her pajamas underneath her jacket. “I take it that’s your way of saying I look like shit.”

“No, of course not,” Joel denied, shaking his head and releasing a long exhale. “You’re beautiful. Always. Whether you’re crying with makeup on or not. You are, you have always been and you will always be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. Inside and out.”

A tremoring breath fell from her throat with her head lowering down. Right now she didn’t feel that about herself. Right now she felt heart broken, pathetic and horrible.

“I don’t understand why you didn’t go to the airport,” Joel repeated what was on his mind, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. “I told you to go to him.”

“And I told you that he deserved better than me. Both of you do,” she reminded him what she had said, her head shaking slowly. “I thought about it. I really did. But I love him so much and I don’t think I’m good for him. Making no decision is the best for everyone. Going back to the way things were…”

“Not making a decision is a big decision,” Joel repeated exactly what Elizabeth had said the other night. “And breaking everyone’s hearts is not the right way to do things. You’re still too goddamn worried about hurting feelings that you’re willing to break everyone’s heart because you don’t think you’re good enough. Yeah, you slept with me when you were dating Negan as a teen. That was bad. You fell in love with Negan when I wanted you back. Shit happens. But the three of us could make it work.”

“I don’t think that’s what you wanted Joel,” she thought back to the things he said yesterday to her before he left. It was beautiful, it was sweet and she seriously considered going.

“But I was right and you know it. You’re crying so fucking much because you’re losing Negan,” Joel stressed what he knew to be true. Thinking about Negan being on the plane and leaving had started to finally set in for her. It had a whimpering sound falling from her throat. “It’s okay to admit it. He makes us both better. Even if he is an asshole sometimes.”

They both snickered as she shrugged her shoulders and let out a tremoring breath, “He left me a message and he was so fucking sad. It shattered my whole heart. I packed a bag Joel, I was going to go. But then I heard how broken he already was because of me. What I put him through the last few days when he is so…”

“Perfect?” Joel finished for her hearing her crying and it made his eyes burn over seeing her so upset.

“This was the best decision for you and Negan,” she insisted with a firm nod of her head. “You both deserve better than me. You deserve someone that brings out the best in you. Negan deserves someone that does the same thing.”

“And you don’t think that you’re that person?” Joel reached out, sweeping his thumb in over the side of her face getting her to finally look up at him. There was a sadness lingering there and it broke his heart. “That’s my fault. I didn’t tell you how perfect you were as much as you deserved to hear it. Because no one was better for me than you. No one ever cared for me or lifted me up like you did Y/N. No one is better for me. Which is why I’m here. To be better for you.”

A confused half laugh fell from her throat, her eyes narrowing with Joel still caressing over her jawline, “I’m sorry I let it get to this. More than anything I want to be that boy you feel in love with again. The one that made you believe in love. The one that was the perfect husband and father, but I’ve made one too many mistakes and I’ll never be that Joel again. I wish I never made the mistakes I did, but I did. But if you ever listen to me about something, listen to me now. You saved me. Every day. And you still are saving me. You were always the person that was there through the tough times and I was so lucky to have you when I did. I would have never made it without you. Neither would have Tommy. You gave me the best of you. You always gave me the best of you. And I stopped doing that a long time ago. You deserve endless amounts of pampering and love. You deserve to hear every day how beautiful you are. How amazing you are. How life wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t in it. You deserve to smile and be happy.”

A whine escaped her throat with her head lowering down. Sliding his palm in over the side of her face, Joel closed the distance between the two of them and he sighed loudly, “Which is what you are going to get being with both of us. Just a little bit more with Negan as your husband and me as you’re promised one.”

Lifting her stare, she seemed confused with him hushing her before she could speak up again, “I know, you’re worried about me and how it’s going to hurt me, but I’m not blind. You’re heart broken because you were meant to be on that plane with Negan. You were meant to be with him and instead you’re here.”

“Joel…” she released a broken breath that was followed by a sob. Dropping her head had Joel’s fingers caressing in over the side of her neck. “It’s too late. The plane is already gone. I can’t do anything about it. I should have done what Elizabeth said, what Negan said. We should have all sat down and figured something out because I love the both of you. So much.”

Instinctively he wrapped her up in his arms to comfort her. “Why didn’t you tell him? Why didn’t you go with him?”

“Because I was afraid,” she lifted her head to meet Joel’s stare and his eyes were tearing over to which surprised her. “I didn’t want to be the thing that took away Negan’s happiness. I didn’t want to be the thing that ruined your life or his life.”

“Not all of us are your responsibility,” Joel stated with a frown, his features softening with him cupping her face in his hands. “Sure, Elizabeth and Peter are, but they are used to this back-and-forth thing between you and me. And they are good kids. They showed both of us that they don’t care if we have this relationship with Negan. And me? The more I think about it? The more I’m sold on it. To be with the both of you? I can’t think of a better way to have things.”

“It’s sounds perfect Joel, but it’s too late. He asked me to call him if I wanted him to come back and I didn’t. He called me before all of this when he was at the airport and he was upset. I could hear it in his voice. I broke his heart and I don’t know if he’d ever be able to forgive me for it,” she whimpered, closing her eyes at the sensation of Joel’s thumbs caressing at the sides of her face to collect the tears. “I didn’t call him. I should have texted him back. I should have called him and I didn’t because…”

“Because I fucked everything up,” Joel interrupted her thought process, letting out a long exhale. “I love you. I love you so fucking much and I realize the mistake that I made. I wish I never did it, but I did. And I wanted to turn back time to make it the way things used to be, but I can’t. And then Negan shows up and he’s the one person that can make you smile. The one person that can make things feel right between the two of us. Negan was everything the two of us needed and more. I love you enough to realize that Negan is the man you are meant to be married to. Not me. I’m always going to be here. I’m not going anywhere. You’re the mother of my children. You are my best friend. And you are my first true love. The love of my life. But in order for me to grow, I need to let you be happy. And if Negan is not in your life, that’s never going to happen. You need him. And he needs you. And I need both of you. You both make me a better man. The man I want to be.”

“Joel,” she whimpered with Joel leaning forward to press faint kisses at her lips, giving her a weak smile when he pulled away. “I can’t turn back time. As much as I would love to, I fucked up.”

“You won’t do it again,” Joel assured her, slowly releasing her from his arms, but dragging his fingers down her arms to hook his fingers with hers to give them a firm squeeze. “I think he’ll understand that. You love him, right?”

“I do,” she confessed with a shuddering breath.

“And you love me, right?” Joel confirmed with her grunting out.

“Obviously,” she felt like that was a little clear at this point.

“Then we will make it work together,” Joel winked, giving her hands a firm squeeze. “You’re always going to be my girl. Even if you’re married to Negan. We’re always going to be part of each other’s lives. I should have realized that when we were in New York City, but I needed a swift kick to the ass. Elizabeth helped me realize that. I don’t want to be the reason that you lost your smile. I love you that much. Which is why we’re gonna make this trio thing work.”

Sweeping his thumbs over the back of her hands, Joel could tell that tears were burning at his eyes and he shrugged his shoulders, “Would you say yes if he asked you to marry him?”

“I should have told him yes at the roller-skating rink,” she tremored, lifting her hands to caress over the sides of Joel’s face. “I love you Joel. I love you so much and a big part of my heart will always belong to you. There was just something with Negan that made me feel…”

“Whole?” Joel filled in the blanks for her and she nodded slowly, her jaw flexing in upset. “Yeah, he does that for me too. Weird how that fucker is able to fill in the empty spaces and make things feel right. I wish I had that talent.”

“There is something about you too,” she hushed him, pushing faintly at his shoulder to get him to look down at her. “I have been in love with you my whole life. Obviously you’re doing something right. I just fucked things up with Negan. Twice now. It’s something I’ll never let down. But this is my own fault.”

“No, you can have your dreams. You can have everything you’ve ever wanted,” Joel promised her, stepping forward to give her another quick kiss getting emotional himself. “Everything you deserve. And the children agree with me.”

“How?” she breathed out with Joel reaching into his pocket. Pulling something out, he revealed to her the box that was in his hand. Once she saw the small jewelry box, she gave him an odd expression. “Joel?”

“I love you. I always will. And I’m not going anywhere. I want to promise you that,” Joel nuzzled his nose in against hers before stepping back. “I’m always going to be here to support you. The way I should have. Just not as your husband. And I’m okay with that.”

Sweeping his thumb over the box, Joel took one final look at it before tossing it beyond her. Surprising her with the movement, she turned to see where he had thrown it letting out a trembling exhale when she saw Negan standing behind her holding onto the box.

With a weak smile, Negan stepped forward before her. Unhurriedly lowering down to his knee, Negan gave a wince with his knee starting to hurt him on the hard concrete, but he didn’t care. Seeing him had her crying and Negan could feel himself getting emotional too.

“You’re here,” she trembled, squeezing firmly to Negan’s fingers with him kneeling before her. “I thought you left. I thought…”

“He came to get me to bring me where I belong,” Negan hushed her, bringing her hand to his mouth to deposit a loving kiss over the back of her hand. Looking back over her shoulder, she saw that Joel was standing behind them watching with his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. With their eyes connecting, she got the confirmation that indeed Joel was who brought him here from the airport. “Which is with you. I don’t care where I am as long as I’m with you. Y/N, I love you with everything that I am. I don’t care where we are, as long as we are together because your love is enough for me. You are enough for me. The only thing that I can hope for is that I’m enough for you.”

“Just ask her already,” Joel grumbled under his breath getting a grunt to fall from Negan’s throat, but a laugh followed.

“Will you make me the happiest motherfucker on the planet and marry me?” Negan asked with a broken breath having her immediately nod her head. Grunting through the pain, Negan got up from the ground with her jumping into his arms to hug him. Squeezing her in against his chest, Negan spun her in a circle. Peppering kisses against the side of her face, Negan nuzzled his nose in against her neck and let out a happy sound. “I love you so much.”

“And I love you,” she insisted pulling Negan in to kiss her letting it linger. By the time she pulled away she was breathless and she pressed her forehead to his. “So much.”

“Good,” Negan gave her a big cheesy smile, squeezing her in closer to him. Looking beyond them, Negan could see that Joel seemed genuinely happy, but sad at the same time. Waving his fingers, he urged Joel forward. Turning toward him, Negan allowed Joel to come in to hug the both of them. “Thank you. You’re a good man Joel Miller.”

“Now let’s not go that far,” Joel’s nose wrinkled, giving them both a firm hug. “I just know what’s right and wrong. And in this moment, I needed to do what was right. My daughter helped me realize what that was.”

“And you’re okay with this?” she confirmed having Joel step back and hold his hand up in the air showing her a ring that was on his finger already. Bouncing his eyebrows Joel caused her to laugh when she looked between the two of them. “The hell is that?”

“I gave him the ring I was wearing to make sure he knows he’s ours,” Negan lifted his hand to show that the ring he often wore was gone. “It’s just a placement holder until I can get one that he likes better. Maybe one that matches your ring.”

“I deserve the bling too,” Joel teased feeling her shoving into his chest and he laughed. “Although, you might have to deal with some awkward press for a while. I think people might think I’m the one marrying Negan.”

“What does that mean?” she looked between the two of them with the sound of Joel’s voice echoing behind her. Looking over her shoulder she saw that Negan was holding a video up with Joel’s speech on the plane. Immediately a rose color flooded into Joel’s face when the video clearly showed him and Negan kissing. “What is that?”

“Well that was fast,” Joel grumbled under his breath, shoving his hands into his pockets. “These people and their damn cell phones.”

“It’s a good story,” Negan hooked his arm around Y/N’s shoulders, leading her to follow him over toward Joel so he could wrap his arm around Joel’s shoulders with his other arm. “We can talk about it on the way back to Joel’s place.”

“Joel’s place?” she was curious since she would have thought they were headed back to her home.

“Oh, we have a meeting with a seventeen-year-old girl and a thirteen-year-old boy that want to explain their plans to us,” Joel explained to her referring to Peter and Elizabeth who asked to see them both after they got done doing whatever they were. “Apparently our daughter has created a power point for us.”

“Oh tonight is gonna be fun,” Negan suggested, leaning in to press a kiss against Y/N’s temple and then repeated the motion to Joel. “I’ll get the car.”

Leaving the two of them to themselves, Negan was swift to head over toward the car that he had driven back with Joel. Turning to face Joel, she reached out for his hands to squeeze them firmly in hers, “You really are different.”

“Mhmm,” Joel breathed out, stepping forward to close the distance between them. “And I plan to spend the rest of my life proving it to the both of you. I’m wearing the ring so that means this sexy dad bod? Yeah, it belongs to both you and Negan.”

“Dear God,” she tipped on her toes to pepper loving kisses against Joel’s lips who wrapped her loosely in his arms. “And you’re okay with that?”

“Strangely, yes,” Joel responded with a long sigh, leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers enjoying the warmth of her near. “All I know is that the both of you make me a better man and I want you both happy. This is the best way. For all of us. Together. Making things work.”

“I love you Joel Miller,” she stressed, resting her head against the center of his chest allowing him to stroke his fingers over the back of her neck while he cuddled his chin down in over the top of her head. “So fucking much.”

“I know,” Joel pressed a lingering kiss over the top of her head as Negan pulled up with the car. Helping her into the car, Joel made sure she was safely in before getting into the back. “After this meeting, I vote we go have a threesome in that nook. I’ve been trying so hard to have sex there. And I think I could use it.”

“We’ll see where the night takes us,” Negan chuckled hearing the sound of the video he played earlier coming from his phone again that was now in Y/N’s hands as she watched it.

“This has a lot of views you know,” Y/N pointed toward the phone holding it up and looking back over her shoulder to stare out at Joel. “There is still time for the two of you to be the couple to get married. I told you, I’m okay with being the third wheel. It really wouldn’t bother me with you two getting married.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll see,” Joel waved his hand about getting a laugh from Y/N as she continued to watch the video. “We’ll figure something out. Together. We’re a team now so whatever happens, happens. But it will happen with the three of us together. Starting something new. I reckon these next few days are going to be interesting to say the least, but I’m ready to take on that challenge with you and Negan at my side.”

----

Tags: @chainsawsangel @fancypeacepersona @violent-darkness @negansbestie @elegantfanficluv

@sanctuaryforthelost @dead-of-niight @dilfsandmartinis @jennydehavilland

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