#but you could also make it just REALLY young in person or penpals or something if wanted

[bitterseaproduction]

Me: *sits up straight in sickbed out of nowhere*

Me: That ‘akeshu bond as children but they don’t recognize each other in P5’ idea, but it works because, as detective prince and criminal transfer, they’re both using pseudonyms. 😳

Housemate: ???

[silasbug]

this was just supposed to be a quick little log on some recurring dream that's been haunting me since last week.

instead, i go through all of the fucking motions of burning down one of the closest friendships i ever had. it's long. it's negative. it's pathetic. but i need to get it out of my head, because my mind is a spiraling piece of... and i can't concentrate on anything else.

i'm not going to private it, because private things don't show up in my tags and i like to keep these things accessible for myself.

maybe someday i can look at this and finally be able to learn from it. have fun with it, future eden.

.

.

when i was a child (around the age of 9), i joined a chat website for kids and teenagers after someone sent me the link over another, really unsafe chat which was the website of a popular cold treat here in germany (kinder pingui, it's been discontinued, thankfully, because it was full of creeps and groomers).

being so young, i ended up joining that website and.. it kind of became my life at the time. i had no proper friends in real life because moving around so often and being awkward and shy left me socially inept and relationships barren. from the age of 9 i would spend hours, every day, on this website, talking and making friends.

now, thankfully i never had any outright bad contact on this website. in fact, i had so many goddamn amazing and beautiful experiences on this website that i am absolutely flabbergasted every time i think back on it- because with the state of social media today it's just no longer possible. i am shocked that my experiences weren't worse, and i would count myself incredibly lucky to not have run into a bad crowd.

every couple of years or so, i remember it, and incidentally that website still exists, you can still log in on it, but it's absolutely barren. it died around.. 2011/12? really, it didn't last more than 2-3 years, but while it was up it was huge.

there are a few old souls from back in the day who are still friends and meet on it regularly (i still remember talking to them back in the day, i did catch them online a few years ago and said hi. it's an absolute relic from my past but something about it still just.. operating is so amazing to me. it's one of the few sites i was a part of that never got shut down and erased).

so when i log back onto it every once in a while, i like to go through my friend list and just.. check on their profiles. it seems some of them have a similar idea & they also log back on every few years (you can see on their profile when they last logged in).

the last time i logged on was.. i think last week. i don't know exactly what called me to it, i was probably thinking about the past again and everything i've done wrong, but i felt the urge so i went and checked.

i.. hm. i don't think about these people often, clearly, but when i do, it just hits me like a truck. there was one boy i was really close with ("clank") who up and disappeared one day, the last time he logged on was about 7 years ago, but i remember him very fondly.

there was a girl who i became penpals with when i was still very active on the site ("reni"), she had also logged back on a few years ago and sent me a lil message. it was bittersweet.

but.. the person who was the most important to me was a girl named "dinka". shortly after my mother had moved us to canada, we met on the site after i estranged myself from all the other friends i'd had on the website (depression finally kicked in hard, it had been brewing for a few years but suddenly the floodgates opened and i just.. felt like a burden, unwanted, pretended to have forgotten them.. it was stupid and dramatic, i was 10).

i remember the first thing i said to her. i was sitting along in one of the chatrooms, just lolligagging with myself. she joined the chat and i asked her if i could confess something to her.

god it was so stupid, but when she said "yeah sure" i just bumbled out "i love deidara" because i'd just developed this huge crush on the character from naruto. shockingly! she said "welcome to the club, i do too xD".

it was like we were meant to meet. i was so.. and we just.. it sealed the deal. we were best friends from that moment forth, nothing could separate us, timezones be damned (obviously she still lived in germany, it was a german chat site). i don't think i had ever made a friend that easily in life ever again. we talked about everything, and i mean. absolutely. everything.

i didn't have consistent access to a computer (only being able to use the ones at my mother's workplace), but once we got one.. i consistently would stay up past midnight. we couldn't stop talking. she was my rock, whatever i was going through.

we had this list of things we essentially had in common that we called our "Wilkommen Im Club (WIC)" (Welcome to the Club) list. we had over 50 entries, i'm sure. i would still have it if i didn't accidentally lose access to my old e-mail account.

we eventually moved over to msn, then skype, we would voice call sometimes. eventually my mother moved us across Canada again (Quebec to Alberta) and for quite a while after we'd moved, i had very little to no access to internet (only if i managed to go to the library since our circumstances were.. unfortunate, to say the least). we did exchange phone numbrs and managed to chat over that sometimes, when i was within cell-service (which was also difficult).

our contact lessened significantly, but our friendship didn't. it was one of the only "stable" relationships i was able to have outside of my mother, despite how instable it was, because the way we were living i had very little contact to other people, period. until writing this out i never really realized how.. isolated we were. i wasn't even in school for a good chunk because it was hard to find a place that would even allow me whilst our visa status was so uncertain.

once i finally got into a school, i was able to contact her more often again thanks to the computers that they made available to us. i still had no friends, hell i couldn't have made them even if i had tried in that school. it was a small school for "delinquents and drop-outs". not that i was one (i really wasn't), but it was, at the time, the only place i was allowed into, because they took pity on me.

i did.. virtually nothing at that school besides chat with people online (i had joined another forum during that time, to talk to people since dinka wasn't online during my school hours for.. obvious reasons, but we stayed in touch, as much as we could). i didn't even do my course work (it was "work on the modules of your grade by yourself at your own pace in a class of mixed grades"), i did absolutely nothing.

when i could, i would go to the library after school or during the summers to talk to her or to just escape from home (it was hard during the summers, i had to ride a shitty bike over gravel roads in the sweltering heat from out in the country into town. it was miles better than being at home).

i always forget how unpleasant those years were. but at least, when i managed to catch her online, we were able to talk.

god, i loved her so much.

but i fumbled it so bad. of course i did.

i don't believe i'm a particularly good person, or that i ever was. i loved her so much but i still couldn't help but.. screw it up. despite everything.

coming into my teenage years, my mental health continuing to worsen, not knowing how to deal with anything or cope. i just let it all go up in flames. i could've been a better person. she had the drive that i didn't, and i was so noncommittal it must've bothered her to no end.

i respected her a lot for.. just being, wanting to be. having the energy and the drive to explore her interests, do things, besides just. rotting away like i did.

i don't remember when it happened, i think it was before we moved to Alberta, but we.. got together.

while we were still doing our naruto fandom thing, i wrote shitty lil fanfictions with our OC's. she wrote poetry instead. the reason i'm getting into all of this, why i need to get it out of my head, is because it's been bothering me so much since, a few days ago, i remembered that i used to have an account on a german fanfiction site. i logged into it. i found one thing she had wrote back then. it was a little poem, about her "best friend" that she had sent me, where she talked about having fallen in love with them. she wrote it for me back then- i didn't realize at first until she basically outright asked me how i felt, that it was indeed about me.

it hurts to think about. i'd somehow managed to make this amazing person, my best friend, fall in love with me. i.. wasn't sure at the time, and i think i made the mistake, of telling her i felt the same and wanting to try it out. i loved her so much, i wanted to convince myself that it was romantic. i now know that it was just platonic, and i was so, so stupid.

we actually were.. together for a few years. while i finally got into a new school and somehow actually.. managed to make some new friends (a real life best friend, even, that i loved very much, just as much), we still stayed in touch.

but this is where things took a turn. i just.. lost myself. i'm not saying that to absolve myself of responsibility. but i just completely lost it. i mean, i always had. i burned so many friendships (online) down because i was so convinced everyone hated me, that nobody wanted me around.

hell, it must've been really fucking hard, painful even, to be my friend, or even just to try to be, because i couldn't be normal about it. i was always very all or nothing, and if it wasn't all then i would push everyone away. i was not a good person. but the key problem is, is that it was never like that with her. i never tried to push her away.

until i finally did.

i remember that day so clearly. it was during the summer. my mom had dropped me off at tim horton's that morning so that i wouldn't have to bike into town that day (i think that rusty piece of crap was broken, anyways), so that i didn't have to stay at the house. gave me a few dollars so i could actually get something proper to eat for once.

i always went to the library from close to finish. i was a permanent resident when i didn't have school. there wasn't a day those librarians didn't see me and hand me the computer access for that day.

late afternoon, she finally got on. we had been fighting for a bit at that point.. i mean.. not fighting, but i had been being very difficult for a while. always deflecting when she asked me what my plans were, what i wanted to do with my life. frankly, i had become really boring. i had no motivation to learn, develop interests. the things we were able to talk about dwindled.

that day she tried to talk to me about our future plans. i had said i would like to study psychology & she was insisting that i tell her more concretely my plans, how i would do that, where i would like to go, etc. she always wanted to make concrete plans, again she was very driven, and i respected that. but i couldn't provide her with that, i couldn´'t think of or even fathom planning for the future because i saw no future. i had no motivation, nothing. i just existed in my own little limbo that i had created of "get up, get online, go home, sleep, repeat". it was horrible.

(i'd be lying if i said it is.. that I am any different now.)

and i just broke. i was.. i guess.. always good at hiding the part of me that was, at the time, deeply suicidal and hopeless from her. i don't remember talking with her about my mental health in any capacity that wasn't joking, and i didn't know how to help myself or to even begin trying to make it any better. fuck, i was barely 15.

i told her i couldn't do it anymore. that she deserved better. that i was shit. and i broke her heart. or i tried to. while also breaking mine, because she was still the most important thing to me, even while we were fighting. i cried so bad in the middle of that fucking library i had to log off and go to the bathrooms to calm down because it was just so fucking embarrassing.

i ate a donut i had brought with me in that bathroom. it was pretty salty through the tears.

when i finally calmed down and got back online, we talked about it. we decided to.. keep trying. to make us or our friendship work. she refused to let me break it like i'd broken all my relationships before (deleting everything and disappearing, mostly. i was that kind of guy). which i was grateful for. but it wasn't for the best.

our relationship was never the same, and eventually it faded. we talked less, shared less. i got worse. life got worse.

eventually we moved back to germany, i'd told her about this, we still talked. we wanted to meet at some point when i was back. and when i finally got back i.. well. i did what i did best. i ghosted her. at that point i wanted to kill myself so bad and tried so hard to convince myself that i was finally going to do it that i iced everyone out so that i would "hurt them less" because "you can't hurt them if they hate you".

such melodramatic shit. it fucking pains me to say that it's still the first place my head goes to when i feel like shit. i still haven't changed from that even through therapy because it feels like a part of me that i just cannot fix.

because i still believe it.

well, she wrote me an email, asking me where i had gone? what was wrong? and i ignored it for a full fucking year. the damage that i had caused at that point was irrepairable. of course i knew that. i know that it isn't anyone's fault but my own. i felt like such a coward, i was such a shitty friend. she deserved so much better than i did to her.

i.. did write her again. a few years later, i sent her an e-mail. apologizing. not like i deserved forgiveness. there was another friend at the time who actually wrote me a letter. all the was from canada, she sent me a goddamn letter. as if i deserved it after just disappearing like i did. i could write an entire novel about how shit of a friend i was to her as well. we actually.. it's kind of funny but we follow each other on instagram to this day. every once in a while we'll ask the other how everything is going, because it's too hard to let go. we had such a toxic attachement to each other. that's the kind of relationship i seem to form the best.

the last time dinka and i talked was a few years ago after i finally replied. we chatted on discord one night. we wanted to talk again, but we never did. she never replied again, and i deserve that, or rather, i don't deserve anything else from her.

i am happy that she is healthy, she is happy, despite me. i don't know what kind of an impact i had on her life anyways, i can't find it in me to take any credit in shaping her because i don't think i deserve it (in a positive sense). i also don't want to discount it because i need to hold myself accountable. you know how it is. it's hard to put into words.

it's easy to say sorry, but i am so, so fucking sorry for what i've done to people in my life.

i always say that i don't want to be the pain that people feel, but i've hurt people so irrevocably. the people that i've never wanted to hurt are usually the people who tell me that.. they never understood how friends could hurt each other, or how one could hurt someone they claimed they loved so much, until they met me.

i try to move past that and be a better person. but it is so. fucking. hard. i know that i was a kid. a teenager. but i can't just excuse it because i can't absolve myself of that responsibility.

anyways... the reason i got into all of this, and why this is tagged as a dream log, is because when i logged in last week, i.. saw that she had been online recently. after years of not having been. after years of not talking and only rarely remembering.

since then, it has been appearing consistently in my dreams. her. the chat. the fallout. i need to get it out of my head. i needed to remember it all so that maybe.. i can move on from it. let it stop haunting me. it sounds and feels so childish, but i don't choose what tangoes around in my head and what doesn't, and it's been entirely debilitating when i remember again. i know that's probably pathetic. it happened so damn long ago. but i'm someone that's.. extremely haunted by their past. i let it define me. i know that that is so fucking dramatic. i hate it. but the sooner i can admit that to myself, maybe i can.. finally become better. i don't know.

last night, and a few nights before, i dreamed that i was on that damned website.

i dreamed that.. after all these years.. i saw her online again. i saw her online. i.. it felt so fucking surreal. because of course, it wasn't real, and it couldn't be real.

but i saw her. and.. when she saw me online, she visited my profile. she sent me a message. sent me a pin through my profile. (you would get notified for all of these), so i just.. had a bunch of notifications flashing up from her. interacting with me.

i looked at them, i was so anxious i felt sick. but she seemed.. open to talking to me. hell, she was hanging out in the chatrooms, as if beckoning me. i joined.. i said hello.. and then i woke up.

and i can't get it out of my head.

[ggukkiereads]

Hello!! Just a few days ago I stumble upon your blog and I'm wondering if you have some recommendations for Hybrid AUs, much appreciated if it is an OT7 and completed, but if so I will still be so thankful. (I just need some cure from the stress that modules brings) Thank You in Advance (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

🌷 Hello! welcome to my mini fic-reading land. I’ve actually received asks for Hybrid AUs (I pinned the requests in the navi) but I just have a very messy draft.

But to help you with your stress, I think I can share a few of my ongoing reads (sorry they won’t be complete but they’re OT7). But, I added completed ones I could remember too (●'◡'●)

*note: will edit this later and organize this per member - maybe add other fics I’ll remember*

Fic Recs | BTS Hybrid AUs

→ A Place Called Home @agustdakasuga -  OT7 x Reader

series [27/27] | 88k | Hybrid AU, Poly AU, Soulmate AU, Romance Humor | Fluff

Having saved your own injured hybrid, you were determined to try and help any other hybrid that crossed your path who needed saving. But being a vet in a small hospital wasn’t enough for you. You wanted to do more, you wanted to make a difference. You wanted to give them a home.

→  If I Can Never Give You Peace @candlewaxandp0lar0ids - Jungkook x Reader

series [3/?] | 17.6k+ | Mafia AU, Enemies to Lovers | A (so far)

It starts like quite a few stories do, in your world. Girl meets boy, who happens to be a hybrid, girl buys him at an auction where hybrids are sold, boy falls in love with her, girl gets bored of him. Then it’s not so typical anymore, when the boy ends up forced into illegal fighting rings, until he makes a wrong move and her father decides he needs to be killed.

Where does that leave you? Well, you’re the one who handled Jungkook’s fight and generally organized his life, and, when the girl’s father, your boss and mafia leader, tells you he wants him ‘put down’, you’re the one who has to get it done. Except, instead, you let him escape, and everything turns out fine.

🌷ggukkienote: I am so hooked on this (because I am a sucker for Mafia AUs too). This is such a great story and the OC is really different from the usual OCs. Very interesting.

→  Eunoia @wishesunderthestars -  OT7 x Reader

series [15/?] | 100k+ (I just assumed this, masterpost doesn’t have wc but it’s 6k per chapter or more?) | Director!Reader, hurt/comfort | fluff, eventual smut

You are a world famous director and you have dedicated your life to your job. You have everything you could ever dream of; wealth, recognision, talent, your friends and family. But loneliness ins’t cured by success. So what happens when you somehow rescue seven hybrids? Can they fill the void?

→  Restitution @cloudteawrites - OT7 x Reader

series [7/?] | 48k+ | slow burn, poly, mystery, romance

when an estranged uncle leaves you his massive fortune you wonder if the universe is playing a joke on you. when that fortune comes with seven hybrids, you know for sure that it is.

→ Lacuna @barbika1508 - Jungkook x Reader

series [42/42] | 324.3k | Hybrid AU, check for TW | Fluff, Angst, Smut

Lacuna - (n.) a blank space, a missing part

Y/N just wanted to go back home, to enjoy her peace and quiet away from problems and people. But typically, her luck strikes as she stumbles upon a horrific scene of two guys mistreating an already beaten down hybrid. Will she take matters into her own hands and help him? Or let someone else help along the way???

🌷 This is on AO3 and I got a recent ask about author’s tumblr.  So if you prefer AO3 you can check their profile

→ A Hundred Percent Human by wrienne- OT7 x Reader

series [12/?] | 88k+ | Hybrid AU, fluff, angst, smut |

In which you (reader) are forced to take care of seven hybrids in a twist of fate. Drunk and down on life, you finally decide to deal with the house and the unsavory business your mother left behind. However, to your shock, you find that seven very different hybrids are included with both the house - and the business. Seven hybrids you never even met before - even less agreed to take care of.

🌷 This is on AO3. I don’t normally reco AO3 since my blog is focused on tumblr fics but someone sent an ask about this so I’m including it

→ Inferiority Complex @starlightauroras-writes - Jimin x Reader

series [10/?] | 88k+ | political themes, themes of abuse (hybrids) | A, S

You had never liked hybrids. You disagreed with their very existence, and you never wanted to have anything to do with them. And then one day, you discovered a hybrid who was more scared of you than you were of him, and everything changed as you realised you were the only hope he had…

→ Sanctuary @chimchimsauce - Jimin x Reader

series [16/16] | 20k |  Wolf Hybrid!Jimin, Barista!OC, feat sanctuary staff Taehyung, hurt/comfort | F, A

YN is a young girl, bright and ambitious, but due to her busy schedule, she's been unable to make any real friends. When an ad for Saint Mary's Sanctuary catches her attention, she never expected her life to be changed by a certain hybrid named Jimin.

→  Summer Nights @marginalmadness - Jungkook x Reader

series [4/4] | 23k | Hybrid!Fantasy, Romance | F, S

A freak weather anomaly leads to a chance encounter with a rabbit-hybrid, and your kind nature results in you gaining a small, fluffy lodger, who questions your taste in television shows. It’s won’t be for long...will it?

→  Risk it All @/httpjeon - Jungkook x Reader

series [5/5] | 8.3k  | hybrid au, alpha wolf!jungkook | A, F, S

ripped from your family, you find yourself in a warehouse filled with predators. just your luck, you’re right across from a caged alpha wolf.

🌷 (I linked Chapter 5 because for some reason others couldn’t find this chapter so they thought it’s still incomplete)

→  Outro Love is Not Over @kiirokero - Hoseok x Reader

series [12/?] |  Daycare Teacher!Hoseok x Single Mom!Reader

You are the single mother of a beautiful 6-year-old golden retriever hybrid who you named Yunho.  But you’re a human.  You can’t show him the ropes of being a hybrid, and you can’t teach him things the other moms can.  So, when a handsome German Shepard hybrid comes into your life, helping you and guiding Yunho in a way you can’t, you can’t help the cozy home he sets up in your heart.

→  It Takes Two To Make A Thing Go Right @imaginethisbts - TaeKook x Reader

two shot [2/2] | 11k | dom/sub themes, heat cycles | S

What’s better than one dogboy lover? Two dogboy lovers. But when Tae and Jungkook seem unusually clingy, it can only mean one thing. That time of the month has snuck up on you and your dogboy lovers do not want to share.

🌷 Also try their other Jungkook hybrid series Out of the Blue

→  Peculiar Park @daydreamindollie -  OT7 x Reader

series [9/?] | 38k+ | imagines, slice of life | Writer!Reader, Psychologist!Reader, imagines | fluff

you’re a successful hybrid writer and psychologist who takes in seven hybrids on one stormy night after finding one of their pack stealing from your garden

→ Yeouiju @nomseok - Namjoon x Reader

one shot | 33.7k | Mythical AU, Hybrid AU (if you squint), suspense | A, F, S

you find an ancient stone in the middle of the mountains and bring it home with you, oblivious to the consequences of taking a dragon’s yeouiju.

→ Beautiful Stranger @/nomseok - Taehyung x Reader

one shot | 19k | circus AU | A, S, F

your dream is to take care of animals for the rest of your life in the big city, making sure that they’re cared for. but you stumble upon a malnourished, rare tiger in your local circus, and you can’t help but want to take care of him.

→ Evolution of You and I @readyplayerhobi - Jimin x Reader

one shot | 10.2k | kind of epistolary (letters), chat, childhood friends | F

For 15 years, Park Jimin has been in your life in some form. From childhood penpal’s to the closest of friends now, you can’t imagine your life without him even if you’ve never actually met him in person. It doesn’t help that you’ve fallen for him, even across the distance that separates you. But what happens when you finally meet up and you discover he’s been keeping something secret?

→  Fish are Friends @httpjeon - Taehyung x Reader

one shot | 10.2k | seahorse hybrid!taehyung | A, S, F

after moving to the seaside, there is a dreadful storm. when all is clear, a man washes up on shore…only he isn’t quite human.

🌷 you know seahorses mate for life and it’s the male that gets pregnant? Interesting huh

→  Pink Panther @gimmesumsuga - Seokjin x Reader

one shot | 13k | boss-employee | F, S

The one where your boss, Kim Seokjin, tries to show you how beautiful you are.

→  Ragdoll @ausblack - Jimin x Reader

series [17/17] | Hybrid AU, College AU | F, A

As you were studying to obtain your medical & veterinary degree, your professor came up with the idea of organizing an internship - where you found yourself side by side with a sick hybrid that needed nothing other that complete care.

→  Jagged + Catnap  @opaljm - Jimin x Reader

one shot + sequel | 18k |  jaguar/black panther!jimin, sand dune cat!reader, mutual pining, friends to lovers, established relationship (sequel)| S, F, slight A

The pretty little sand cat hybrid Jimin has been in love with for the past year experiences her first heat and Jimin would love nothing more than to be the one to guide her through it and breed her with his kittens.

🌷 there’s also a possible spin-off for Taehyung (Eye of the Tiger)

→  Owner @jessikahathaway - Jungkook x Reader

series [6/?] | 17.4k | Fake Dating AU, Hybrid AU, based on Kimi Wa Petto (Japanese anime) | F, S, A

With your mother hounding on you (no pun intended), you decided to get a little help from a hybrid, who was also in need of assistance.

→ Loving Him Was Red + Somewhere Only We Know @userseok - Jungkook x Reader

series [3/?] | 12.8k+ | enemies to lovers, childhood friends (sorta), college au, jock!jungkook, unrequited love (for OC) | S, F, A

you’ve been chasing after jungkook for years. after a harsh verbal altercation between both of you, you decide to leave him alone and pursue a relationship with someone who seems genuinely interested in you, thinking he would never return your feelings.

I would like to recommend the catalog of these writers:

@ditttiii - so I realize I’m following them on AO3 when I realized the fics looked familiar 🤭. They have an ongoing series called Enchanted to Meet You which you might want to check out if you like Soulmate AUs too! I recently reblogged a Jungkook two-shot comfort fic (hybrid au too) so I recommend going through their masterlist!

@aroseforyoongi - who I discovered because of Gossamer (KTH). It was completed but I think it’s up for re-write/re-post? You can try the others:

Navy Blue - Jungkook [completed]

Forever Yours - Yoongi [one shot, prequel to Navy Blue]

Let Me Love You- Jungkook [one shot]

@magicalsalamander - another favorite author of mine I just feel like I’m reading a great tale every time I start on a series or one shot. They have great fics with supernatural themes too

Rabbit on the Moon - Jungkook | if you’re in the mood for police officer Jungkook [6/6]

The Act of Persuasion - Seokjin | if you are in the mood for Single Dad AU x Arranged Marriage too [one shot]

Firefly that Guards the Fox - Taehyung | if you are in the mood for mystery [11/12 - just epilogue left]

Kitten’s Little Flame - Yoongi | if you like BF to Lovers between dragon and a cat [6/6]

There’s more so please check their Masterlist

@hollyhomburg - I just love Of Fire and Love (hello dragon!yoongi and baby!jungkook? 🥺) But you can check:

their masterlist of all their hybrid fics

Dance to This series which I’ve added to fic recs based on an ask about stories that include members/readers with disability.

Don’t care if it Hurts - Jimin | this is probably my favorite (again I’m a sucker for Mafia AUs) , guard dog hybrid!jimin [12/13, just epilogue]

@angelicyoongie - I got hooked after reading their stories on AO3 but they have tumblr too! Check their masterlist for ongoing hybrid fic (Abundance - OT7)  but these are completed ones:

Desolate - Yoongi, grumypy cat hybrid [14/14]

Out of the Woods - Namjoon, wolf hybrid, strangers to lovers [3/3]

@worldwidebt7 - if you like webtoons! I read parts of Jungkook’s webtoon and I think currently we’re on Yoongi’s story. Access it here

@jincherie - One of the first hybrid fics I remember encountering is Inheritance (MYG). Other fics:

Perihelion - Hoseok, college, roommate, enemies [2/?]

Butterfingers - Namjoon, teacher au, this is cuuuute READ IT if you’re looking for something fluffy [one shot]

4 o’ clock - Taehyung, single dad au (I included this in the singel dad fic recs too) [3/?]

Under the Bridge - Jungkook, found jungkook under the bridge [one shot]

@whitesparrows97 - a writer I discovered because of a Yoongi soulmate fic but I found that they also have other hybrid fics:

Cat’s Cradle - Yoongi, bestfriend [5/5]

Underdog - Taehyung, shifter, brought home what she thought a stray dog [5/5]

@foxymoxynoona - and what would my reco be without foxymoxy? So they have tumblr but their works are on AO3. I’ve listed their current works here but I didn’t include their completed works which are must-reads:

Sugar Fairy - Jungkook, mating, adopted hybrids [48/48]

A Sea of Indigo - Jungkook, ex-fighter [48/48] ⭐⭐⭐

@therealmintedmango - They have a whole masterlist of their hybrid!au fics. I recently finished Kingdom Come and I always remember Jimin from King (for some reason)

@joonbird - check their Zodiac Hybrid Masterlist of one shot per member

There are more (usually one shot per member) but I’ll probably put them in another Fic Rec List for Hybrid AUs. Sorry this list is kind of all over the place (not even organized per member 🤭). But good luck with your modules and I hope these help!

(❁´◡`❁)

[our-happygirl500-fan]

You know the whole Baterang to the throat thing that causes a lot of discussion in the fandom? I think Bruce might not have been aiming for the throat

It ricochets

This point in comics Bruce has been through a ringer Steph's died, Barbara and Jim have left, Leslie betrayed him and he's had to send Cass and Tim away and now Jason is back but for revenge so Bruce isn’t at his best and I think Bruce threw the Baterang in a moment of panic and either over or undershot which ended up with well that.

This moment causes a lot of debate but I don't see it as “Bruce harming Jason to save the joker” the way a lot of fics paint it I see it more as he'd been aiming for Jason's arm or something to disarm him but overshot and it’s kind of like a symbolism of their relationship. 

 Which is basically Bruce takes an action to stop Jason from going down a path that he thinks will end up hurting Jason, but ends up hurting Jason in the long-run.

Like when he discussed taking away robin from Jason (because he thought Jason needed time to deal with issues that were becoming more prevalent) which only ended up making Jason feel insecure about his position in the Wayne household, contributing to why he so desperately pursued a stable parental relationship in his biological mother.

Bruce knows that if he gives in and kills the Joker he'll never stop killing we've seen timelines that prove that and I think Bruce also thinks the same of Jason that if Jason kills the Joker he won't stop at all so it’s not that he’s saving the Joker but that he’s trying to save Jason but Bruce ultimately misunderstands Jason’s needs and winds up hurting him.

Bruce is trying to save Jason from what he sees as a downwards spiral, but he ends up hurting him not just emotionally, but physically, and in the most extreme way possible. It's like an even darker echo of how trying to bench him as Robin led to his death.

Bruce has spent YEARS haunted by the memory of Jason’s death his death fundamentally changed Bruce's entire character Alfred said that Jason's death affected Bruce more than his own parents death.

In Underworld Unleashed it's revealed that his greatest desire is to have Jason back, in Hush he talks about how he wanted to put Jason in the Lazarus Pit and how he believes Jason knew he always loved him, and in As The Crow Flies we learn that his greatest fear is Jason coming back as an enemy and then in Under the Red Hood he gets Jason back (his greatest desire) but as an antagonist (his greatest fear) and moreover his belief that Jason 'knew' he loved him is WRONG.

Jason's insecurities from before his death combined with the perceived betrayal of Bruce not avenging him have led Jason to the point where he genuinely believes Bruce doesn't care, and in Jason's eyes, killing the joker is the only way Bruce can prove that he does but instead, in that moment, Bruce's attempt to diffuse the situation backfires.

Bruce misunderstands what Jason needs in that moment like he misunderstood what Jason needed at the start of Death in the Family it's just the ultimate representation of their constant emotional feedback loop. They trap themselves in a cycle of fighting because Jason can't read how Bruce really feels and Bruce can't read what Jason really needs and in that moment both those things are true, with Jason not seeing that Bruce truly cares anymore, and Bruce not knowing how to properly deescalate the situation and show Jason that he still cares.

It's extremely easy to read the batatrang throw as purposeful even though I wholly believe it was accidental but if that moment was explored more, I'm positive that Jason would believe it wasn't an accident, and would view it as proof of his already held view that Bruce doesn't love him anymore after all, that could have killed him, symbolically disowning him in the most extreme way possible.

Heck in Jason's appearance in Green Arrow (2001) Bruce had thought Jason might have died again! Before Jason turned up to mess with Mia.

The thing that's tragic about Jason that actually leads to a lot of his own suffering is that Jason doesn't really know what a healthy relationship looks like so I'm not sure when his actual 'last straw' would be.

Jason is the kind of person who sees love and acceptance as entirely circumstantial. He believes he must /earn/ love and acceptance, i.e. by being Robin, rather than it being inherently given.

A huge piece of understanding Robin Jason is understanding how much he lacked proper support systems back then. School was his only connection to his kids his age, and he didn't benefit much from that connection, his life was essentially: manor, school, Robin, repeat.

Jason loved school, but his school life was also pretty depressing. Jason kept to himself, he didn't have the time to participate in extracurriculars even when he wanted to and his peers didn't view him very positively. Jason was also really isolated from the rest of the hero community, there was his stint with the Titans, but it was pretty brief. He was also penpals with Kid Devil, but for the most part, he just had Batman.

The lack of support is actually one of the reasons I give for Jason and Steph dying in universe since they were the two Robins without support systems outside of Gotham. When Bruce was a jerk Dick and Tim could be like 'fine I'm going to go hang out with the Teen Titans or Young Justice' but Jason and Steph could only be like 'oh no' plus Bruce would deliberately try to take away Steph's support systems that she did have multiple times like when he ordered Cass to stop training with Steph.

But that's besides the point, I wouldn't be surprised if Jason confused being Robin with being accepted in the manor so when Bruce threatened to take away Robin from him, he might've seen it as his only proper support system being taken away from him, his world felt rocked back into instability once again.

When you look at it like that, it's very easy to understand why Jason sought out his biological mother. He had a hope that Sheila would offer him that stability once more, and that he'd get support and trust and unconditional love.

And that’s what make it all the more heartbreaking to me he came to this woman seeking love and gave her his greatest secret and she repaid him with a horrific death.  Jason’s death is one of the saddest to me because there’s no high stakes 'he died saving the world stuff' he’s just a kid who wanted a mom and got killed for it.

DC’s habit of taking away who he was is so detrimental to his backstory as the Red Hood because the transformation from someone who tried being kind and who did give it their all being killed for it and coming back like ‘no more’ is so much more interesting than ‘we always knew this would happen’.

Robin disobeying orders is nothing new. If that was the core of why Jason died, then any Robin disobeying orders should never be put in a positive light, but often it is. Jason (and Steph) were just the ones unlucky enough to emerge dead and judged for it instead of alive and praised for it.

Jason died because he was a child who just wanted to be safe and loved.

So many times Robin disobeying orders saved lives it’s nothing new and Jason had a pretty solid reason, the story of Jason Todd should be portrayed as the tragedy not make him some warning sign.

This is why I always hated the victim blaming after Jason & Steph's deaths because they died doing what if it had been Tim or Dick a Robin would be praised for, like take Steph for example we've seen constant stories of Bruce firing Robin, them going off on their own & Bruce realising he's wrong & taking them back but when Steph goes off on her own she dies the only reason Jason & Steph died is that the writers forced them to fail where they would have allowed the others to succeed.

But anyway back to my point the thing about Jason feeling like he had to earn love is why he was initially so hung up on the idea of Bruce 'replacing' him when he came back to life, he viewed Tim being robin as Bruce /transferring/ his love for Jason to another person, rather than seeing that Bruce could love Tim while still loving and missing him.

The reason Jason sought out his mother after Bruce benched him as Robin was that he viewed Bruce benching him as Bruce rejecting him and latched onto the idea of finding someone, i.e. a birth mother, who is supposed to give /unconditional love/.

The fact that his birth mother REJECTED HIM and then played a hand in his murder undoubtedly affected his attitude when he came back, if even his mother didn't want him, and then Bruce let the joker live and replaced him, then, in Jason's eyes, OF COURSE Bruce doesn't care and as mentioned previously Jason didn't really have any friends in school or the hero community, believing that the only real close personal connection in your live, someone you spent all your time with, had forgotten about you and rejected you is bound to mess a person up.

[girl8890]

Penpals | Chapter 2

Idol!Kim Tae-hyung / V x Fem!Reader

Summary: You weren’t big on social media. Hell, you didn’t even care much for trends. So when you get a notification one day on instagram from a person claiming to be a global sensation, you can’t believe it. Months later, you still can’t believe your penpals with BTS’s good boy - Kim Taehyung himself.

Warnings: Hint at K-Pop stigmas, Angst, Anxiety attack.

!Discretion!: The views said in this chapter are not necessarily my own. Some things talked/described in this chapter are only to make this book better, and have more connection for their relationship. Nothing in this book is created to hurt/upset anyone. There’s a part in the chapter that kinda bashes BigHit. It’s only a part of the story, and not my own beliefs.

Notes: The events that are in this story can definitely happen in real life, BUT this is just a fanfiction and I don’t think these events will actually happen/are occurring. Anything in italics are Instagram DMs/Texts.

BTS ML | Index | CH 3

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

The following day you felt super groggy. You rubbed the crust out of your eyes, then looked over at the alarm clock on your bedside table. You groaned loudly after reading the time. It's almost twelve in the afternoon, and you have to get ready for work soon.

As you stare up at your ceiling, still feeling tired from staying up so late, you smile to yourself. You stayed up so late because you were messaging V on Instagram until close to three in the morning. It was so weird how natural and smooth your first conversations went.

You talked about each other's parents and how you both moved away from home at a young age. How you both sometimes feel distant towards the people you love but would do anything for them.

You learned he has six roommates - I know a lot, right? - that sometimes drives him insane, but he loves dearly. He also lives only a town away in Seoul. You live in Hanam, so you could have easily met him in real life and wouldn't have known.

There were a few times you thought he would have lost interest in you, then exited out of the Dm's, leaving you on read. But he didn't. He stayed up with you until it the sun was rising, and you both realized at the same time, you stayed up way too late. Leaving the Instagram chat with sad good nights. You loved every minute of the conversation you two had.

You roll over, in bed, and grab your phone on the bedside table. You wanted to wish V a good morning, to be the first to entice the conversation this time, and we're hoping that he was feeling the same way about wanting to talk to you.

As you open up Instagram, you realize your hopes were answered because he already messaged you... multiple times.

secret_v (9:30am): good morning angel! I overslept majorly but it is completely worth it ☺️

secret_v (9:31am): I loved talking to you last night, and truthfully I don't want to stop talking to you

secret_v (10:03am): is it weird that even while I'm with my roommates I'm thinking about you? 💕

secret_v (10:44am): are you still asleep?

secret_v (11:20am): I don't want to come off as a creepy or anything... but I really hope you feel the same way I do... I just want to keep talking to you...

You feel your cheeks heat up as you read through the messages. You can’t believe how sweet and charming this boy is. You honestly feel bad now for oversleeping since he woke up so early and instantly wanted to talk to you. You have to commend him for waking up so early after falling asleep so late, though.

this_is_me (11:58am): Morning V! Sorry I overslept too 🤪🥱

this_is_me (11:58am): I don't know how you can wake up SO early, especially after falling asleep so late...

You thought it would take him a while to message you back, especially since it took you almost an hour to message him back, but his reply was instant.

secret_v (11:58am): lol I have to for my job... was doing something today that for some reason requires me to wake up REALLY early 🥱

this_is_me (11:58am): oh God I would hate that!

this_is_me (11:58am): luckily I don't have work until 4 today

secret_v (11:59am): the dog cafe right? I would LOVE that job!!! Working with pups all day sounds like a dream ���

Truthfully, it weirdly always has been your dream. Your family never had the money to send you off to college, so you weren't able to become a veterinarian like you truly wanted. But luckily, you live in a beautiful country that has animal cafes all over.

You told V about your job last night after he ignored the question you asked about what he does for a living. Well, he didn't entirely ignore it. V said he works in the entertainment industry with his six roommates but left it at that. You didn’t want to pry, so you allowed him to change the conversation, at the time. 

this_is_me (11:59am): I love it there! I'm one of the few that work in the cafe that knows English so they give me the best shifts

secret_v (11:59am): you know English????

secret_v (11:59am): why did that just make you 10X hotter? 😍🤤

secret_v (12:00pm): sorry... that was weird... I'll go die in a hole now... 😶

You both blushed and laughed hysterically at his last three texts. You indeed knew English, and it was actually your first language. But you never thought it was considered hot, though. Truthfully, you only really used English when either a tourist was talking to you in the cafe. Not even your parents spoke in English on purpose anymore, only in Korean unless they were mad at you.

this_is_me (12:01pm): DONT DIE!!!!! who else am I going to stay up until three in the morning talking to then? 🥺

secret_v (12:01pm): lol yeah... I'm sorry about that btw

secret_v (12:01pm): I didn't even realize it was three am until I saw the sun 😬

this_is_me (12:02pm): lol me either tbh

this_is_me (12:02pm): and don’t worry about it. Truthfully I think it was completely worth being tired today 🙊

You see V start typing, then stop, then start typing again. It ended up taking him five minutes to message you everything he wanted to say. Still, when he finally sent it, your eyes went wide with how big his paragraph was.

secret_v (12:07pm): honestly, Y/n, I love talking to you. You don't understand how hard it is for a person like me to do something like this. I can't even tell you the last time I talked to a girl in this way. Probably in high school before my life turned upside down in a fantastic way because of my career. I know it's weird that I have to keep a lot of my life a secret, even what I do for a living and my real name, but one day I will tell you everything, and you'll understand. I just hope you won't want to stop messaging me before I get the chance... if you're okay with that?

You realize what V's saying. There's a lot of his life he can't tell you right now, but he wishes he could. He wishes he could have a noraml life and just be able to open up to you completely, but he can't.

You can relate to this because, in a way, your ex made you feel like you'll never be able to have this. To have a person to talk to and want to see where it goes, again. To have someone, you have to learn how to trust, instead of only surrounding yourself with people you already know you can trust.

As much as you want to learn everything about this mystery V, you'll respect his boundaries. You're okay with waiting for him to trust you and waiting for the day that he's able to open up to you about everything.

It's like you have the same social problem, but for different reasons. Like you both just want to feel like yourselves, completely and openly, with one person, and you both want each other to be that person. You want to build a friendship with each other and feel that love you've been deprived of for so long.

That's why you message him back, without hesitation...

this_is_me (12:08pm): I'll gladly be your penpal V

this_is_me (12:08pm): 110% fuck yeah!

-

~~ One Month Later ~~

-

You wake up how you always do this past month with a DM from V that always seemed to make you smile and blush like crazy.

secret_v (9:01am): Goodmorning beautiful! 💕

You bite your lip and stare at the DM for a couple extra seconds. You've been talking to him for a month now, and you can't seem to get him out of your head.

Your stomach goes in knots every time you get a message from him. V is not exactly the type of person that texts you all day since he admitted to having a busy schedule. Still, he always messages you when he can and sends you good morning and good night messages, at least.

Most days, you'll talk about everything under the sun! Even though you still haven't gotten his name or even a picture of what he looks like, the messages are enough to make you let your guard down and want to talk to him.

this_is_me (9:30am): good morning V 🙊 Did you sleep well?

After you send him a message on Instagram, you know it's probably going to take him a while to text back since you woke up later than him and open the group chat with your friends. The second you open it, you can't stop laughing at the messages from last night.

Mara ㋛ (11:11pm): IT'S 11:11 BITCHES! I wish to get a man to me fuck into next week 😫🍆👅

Ky ☀︎︎ (11:12pm): Mara oh my fucking… go to bed!

Mara ㋛ (11:12pm): you know you love me 😘

To most, it may seem like Ky and Mara hate each other. That how they make fun of each other, and how their total opposites, would make them not like each other, but they were friends long before you joined them.

You only met them when you moved to Korea when you were 11 years old. Along with your parents and tutor, they helped you learn the language and helped you fit in.

It may seem like what Mara and Ky say to each other is harsh, but if someone else were to say the same mean things to the other… good luck not getting beaten into a pulp.

After you've read the messages from last night and laughed until your stomach hurt, you text them all a good morning text. 

You (9:35am): Goodmorning my beautiful besties 😊❤️

Mara ㋛ (9:35am): ohhhh someone's in a good mood this morning

Mara ㋛ (9:35am): did a Mr. handsome, sweet-talking, one look and your panties will drop, V text you this morning? 🧐😂👅

Ky ☀︎︎ (9:36am): it's too early for this 😴

Mara ㋛ (9:36am): shhh let Y/n speak! I want to like vi-curiously through her 😫

Ky ☀︎︎ (9:37am): Mara I literally have a boyfriend what do you mean lmaooo

Mara ㋛ (9:37am) yeah but you guys have been dating for YEARS now! The honeymoon stage is always the best when people are in a relationship 🥺❤️

You roll your eyes at Mara's last text. You wouldn't exactly say you and V are in the "honeymoon stage." You've only been talking a month, and you both haven't labeled what you are to each other yet. On top of the fact that you've never met, don't know V's real name, and don't know what he looks like!

You (9:38am): yes he did dm me, and no we're not dating Mara! were just friends

Mara ㋛ (9:38am): details details lol

Ky ☀︎︎ (9:40am): OMG GUYS! Did you listen to the new BTS album??!! 😻

Mara ㋛ (9:40am) YESSS! Map of Soul 7 is sooooooo good 😫😍

You giggle at your friend's texts. They're obsessed with the K-pop group BTS. You've heard of a few songs but aren't a part of "ARMY" as they like to say they are. You haven't seen a music video or even know what the "snacks," as Mara would explain them, look like.

Even though they live in the next city over, and even after every album releases, you don't look them up. Trends just isn't your thing. Yeah, you've seen the build boards, have a few songs in your playlist, and have seen magazine covers of them, but don't look long enough to conjure them up to memory.

And it’s not like you hate music, or their music either, it’s just never been your thing to get obsessed with a band. 

When you were about to text in the group chat again, to tease your friends on how obsessed they are with BTS, you get a notification from Instagram.

*message from secret_v*

You smile at the notification and immediately open it up. But, your smile falls when you see what the message says.

secret_v (9:41am): I slept good angel… but sadly I have some bad news 

this_is_me (9:41am): oh God I'm scared… are you okay? 🥺

secret_v (9:41am): I’m fine

secrets_v (9:42am): actually I'm not good at all. I'm really fucking pissed. I can't have this Instagram anymore because someone figured out I made it so I won't be able to message you on here anymore

You read his message a couple times and feel your chest tighten. You're not sure if it is from anger, sadness, or both. As much as you respect his boundaries, you don't understand why it's such a big deal for his identity to be a secret, to the point he can’t have an Instagram. 

this_is_me (9:43am): No V! I love talking to you too and I feel like we just started to get to know each other 

secret_v (9:43am): I know it’s fucking ridiculous! But that's just how the company works

You back up from your phone and stare at one word…. Company.

He's never told you why he can't tell you certain things about himself. You never wanted to be pushy, but he probably revealed something about himself that he didn't mean to. But that little bit of information - that reveals a lot - just makes you more confused.

What company doesn't allow their employers to have personal social media? What company doesn't allow their employers to date or even make friends on social media? It just doesn't make sense to you, and it's honestly starting to annoy you how much you really don't know.

this_is_me (9:45am): company? What company?

secret_v (9:45am): FUCKKK I didn't mean to say that

secret_v (9:45am): just forget about it Y/n. I'm sorry. I really wish there was something I could do, but we can't talk on here anymore.

That's when you realize… he said you can't talk on here. Meaning Instagram. He didn't say anything about phone numbers.

this_is_me (9:45am): WAIT WAIT ✋✋

this_is_me (9:45am): what if you give me your phone number?????

this_is_me (9:45am): do they care about who's phone numbers you have?

You watch V go from typing, to not typing, to typing again. You wait patiently on your Instagram DMs to wait for his text. You feel your eyes become dry because you haven't blinked in a couple seconds. You, too entranced with the screen, waiting for him to message you back.

secret_v (9:50am): Idk

Idk? I don't know? I DON'T KNOW?!

You want to throw your phone because you are so frustrated. Maybe this guy has been playing with your emotions the entire time. Maybe all his sweet words and promises were just that, words. Like you mean absolutely nothing to him. Like this past month, texting every day, and hoping for there to come a day where you to meet, was something to just pass the time.

You get it if someone has trust issues, and for awhile that’s why you thought V wasn’t telling you certain things, but now you know the truth. And it pisses you off. 

You hate yourself for the next thing you say. If it were any other circumstance, you probably wouldn't have said what you said. You wouldn't have blindly sent, basically, a stranger the following few words.

this_is_me (9:46am): IDK? You know what, you make the decision. This "company" or what the fuck ever does not control your life. If this past month was really for nothing, or if you actually want to talk to me, then text me because now that I know the truth idk what you want from me anymore (888)888-8888

The second you pressed send on that message, you instantly regretted it. Not so much the words, but definitely the numbers at the end.

Your phone number…

You log out of Instagram and throw your phone across the bed. Watching the cellular device slide on your comforter and eventually fall on the floor. Your ears begins to ring, and you feel like you can't breathe.

You just sent your phone number to someone you don't know. You've never done that before. Even when guys would flirt and ask for your number, no matter how cute they were, you didn't give them it. To scared from all the horror stories about people tracking phone numbers and kidnapping those you trusted a stranger enough to give it to them.

You wrap your blanket around you like it will protect you from your own stupid actions. But even as you shake in fear, you also can't believe how angry you were at V saying he can't talk to you anymore.

You were the person to suggest texting instead of DM-ing, but that fact doesn't stop your heart from racing. What did you expect, though? Him to send you his number first, and that will make it all okay?

You press your fingers to the side of your forehead, rubbing circles, hoping it will relieve whatever tension is there.

The rest of the day, you stayed logged off of Instagram. You only looked at your phone when Mara or Ky texted you.

Every time your phone went off, you thought it would be V finally putting the phone number you gave him to some use. But unfortunately, it was not him, and it made your stomach go in knots for the simple fact he didn't do just that. Text you. He just had your phone number for no reason.

Mara was the one to text you in a private text, outside of the group chat you guys made several years ago.

Mara ㋛ (6:45pm): Any news on V?

You (6:45pm): noPe 😔

Mara ㋛ (6:45pm): THAT'S IT!

Mara ㋛ (6:45pm): I'm coming over

You (6:45pm): wait what ✋

You (6:55pm): you don't need to do that! I promise I'm okay

You (6:57pm): you don't need to come over

You (7:00pm): MARA??????

But you know whatever you say won't change Mara's mind. Twenty minutes later, you hear a knock at the door.

You sigh to yourself when you realize it was pretty useless to repeatedly try and text her. You walk to the front door of your home and open the door to see Mara leaning against the door opening.

"Sup, baby girl."

Mara walks inside and doesn't even wait for you to invite her in. She takes her shoes off, and places her bright green purse on the kitchen table, then sits down on the couch you were just sitting on. She pats the cushion next to her, asking you silently to come to sit down.

You sigh once, then close the front door. You walk over to Mara and sit next to her. When you look over at her, she’s already staring at you intensely. Waiting for you to spill your guts and tell her all about the thought’s swirling in your mind right now. 

Her dark brown eyes, surrounded by blue and black eyeshadow, that match her bright blue fake hair in a bun on top of her head, are filled with intelligence because instead of asking you what's wrong, she already knows why you're being so gloomy today.

"Soooo he can't message you anymore. Stop worrying about it, girlfriend. It's just one guy. There will be another."

"But what if he's-"

Mara put up her hand to stop you from explaining what else was bothering you. After you calmed your racing heart from earlier, you texted in the group chat about being scared you just gave your number to your future murder.

"We both know that's not what's truly bothering you. Yes, V could be a mass murder that whats to kidnap you and make you his sex slave… but come on now, Y/n. You've been talking to him for what - a month now, and I could see it all over your face that you're sad about the simple fact that you can't talk to him anymore."

You don't say anything back because Mara already knows she's right. Yes, the prospect of giving your number to a stranger is what bothered you initially. But now that your anxiety has calmed down, your heart is aching.

Mara nods her head in understanding and looks down at the phone in your hand.

"Have you checked to see if he messaged you?"

"No… I'm too scared to look."

Mara puckers her lips and squints at you. She glances at your phone again with mischief in her eyes. Without warning, she snatches your phone and runs to your bathroom with it. You jump up from the couch and run after her, but Mara did track in high school, so there was no way you could catch her in time.

The bathroom door slammed shut, and your body hit against it. It budged for a second, but while you were catching your balance, Mara shut it again and locked it.

"Mara! This isn't funny! Give me back my phone!"

Mara doesn’t budge though, just like the door. You huff in defeat, and instead of trying to break down the door, press your ear against the door to try and hear what she’s doing.

“Your password is still cuddle-puddle? Real creative, Y/n.”

You roll your eyes, but don't say anything to her insult against the password you created for Instagram years ago when you first made the account. You hear her manicured fingers type on your phone. After a moment, the bathroom becomes silent. Nothing but Mara’s breathing can be heard. 

You're anxiety from there being no sound starts to eat at you. Even though it was hard for you to open the app before, you also want to know what V said to your message about the phone number. 

“W-what did he say?”

Another moment of silence, then Mara opens the door. You back up to let her step into the hallway with you. Her face is blank, but you see slight confusion in her eyes. 

“Well... what did V say?” 

You were staring to get antsy. It's not like you to feel inpatient, but Mara wasn't giving you any hints of what was on your phone or what he said.

“He didn’t say anything-” Your face fell. “He just read it then, um...”

Mara scratches the back of her head, nervously. You step closer to her, not to intimidate her, but show that you want her to just be straight with you and tell you what it is making her so nervous.

“Okay, I’m just going to say it. V deleted the account.”

Your eyes go wide, and you're lips part. 

-

CH 3

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

May 2021 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

It’s a cray cray Friday when Vietnam gets its eng subs up before GMMTV Thailand. What alter-reality are we in? Well, the Vietnamese offerings are better right now anyway. (Oooo, feel that burn.) 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Top Secret Together Ep 2 - pulping it up in the best possible way. Sure sound and production values are pants, and in classic Thai fashion the editing in post is exacerbating (rather than fixing) pacing issues, but it’s still CUTE AF. I don’t even mind the added university storyline, because they’ve got good chemistry (and a confident gay fresher after a panicked gay hazer is an old favorite... what can I say, SOTUS was my first love). We aren’t spending too much time with any one couple, so it’s weighted a lot better than Brothers was, but also character development is slow. 

Siew Sum Noi Ep 2 - Unfortunately, it’s just too hard to find, plus no subs. I’m dropping it in the hopes it comes back on my radar some day. 

Y-Destiny Ep 8 - (Thurs) It’s rough having a ghost boyfriend, half your friends are scared, the other half think you’re crazy, and kissing shortens your lifespan. This was a cute couple even if I wasn’t wild about the surrounding story. 

Close Friend Ep 5: (Dear My Star/JimmyTommy) - about high school penpals. It had to rely entirely on voice over work as the actors only meet face to face at the end. It’s a good thing they are appealing screen presences on their own, with good vocal control. It’s hard to imagine any other BL pair carrying this kinda plot. It’s by far my favorite of the series so far, and I’m not even a big JimmyTommy fan. 

Fish Upon The Sky Ep 7 - no subs. Do we care? Not really. Because we have... 

Nitiman Ep 3 - currently my favorite out of Thailand. It’s the university Thai BL i’ve been waiting for since... when was the last good one? My Engineer? Yowza. Anyway we got: head on my shoulder, baby is a floppy drunk (but still wants to be in control), proximity alert, boyfriend’s closet, seme gets seriously jelly, and a cute twist on feeding him. There’s something fun and complex about Jin’s character. He’s not a panicked bi. He knows exactly what’s going on, he just hasn’t decided if he wants Bb or not. He clearly enjoys being looked after, the compliments, and the attention, but he’s not sure if he’s going to like what happens if he gives in. I like that twist on the usual tsundere uke archetype a lot, cautious rather than willfully obtuse or freaked out. We can see Jin realizing in stages: I like this person, I like that they like me, I like the romantic attentiveness. But in the background is... do I actually want to f*k him? It’s a dynamic we don’t often see on BL. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 10 fin - the most ridiculous show using BLs worst tropes in a sort of weird smoothie of bitter greens and too ripe banana. The ending was the sappiest cheesiest thing ever, like cheese syrup tapped from the cheese tree. So of course I loved it, but I’m pretty sure I giggled through all the bits meant to be profound. Because, in the end, to tolerate this show at all, you just can’t take ANY of it seriously. RECOMMENDED (with some SERIOUS reservations and trigger warnings.) Full review here. 

Be Loved in House: I Do (Taiwan) Ep 1-2 - I don’t mind a damaged seme character but this one is a bit weird for me. Like creepy Cheese in the Trap level weird. On the bright side, the story has given our tsundere uke good motivation for his angst and great existing friendships, loyalty, and likability. Plus I’m invested in the cafe owner/innocent puppy side dishes. So if it’s only the seme character I’m not jiving with, and he’s the most established actor, it should all turn out fine. I believe in you, Taiwanese BL. 

Papa & Daddy (Taiwan) Ep 6 fin - speaking of belief. This such a good show but they gave us a cliffhanger ending. Now we must hope against hope for season two. That’s never guaranteed with Taiwan tho. So, I’m docking a few points and saying, RECOMMENDED so long as you realize it’s a cliffhanger. 

Love is Science? (Taiwan) Ep 1-9 (BL subplot) - this is a good het romance, but the fact that the BL subplot is a beautifully acted disaster bi + confident gay means you’re hearing about it whether you want to or not. Plus they just added in some GL! Come on! I gotta support Taiwan normalizing queer to this extent. They are fighting the good fight and if I also have to watch a career lady and her much younger softest straight boi get it on, too? Twist my arm with that service sub subtext. Go on Taiwan, TWIST IT. It’s on Viki. Join the revolution.   * Incidentally if you actually like the D/s het dynamic of this show, I highly recommend Japanese Kimi wa Petto - career woman keeps a hot young dancer boy as a pet. Oh yes, an actual pet, that IS the pitch. Never doubt Japan when kink is on the line. It’s also on Viki. Go get your kink on, thank me later. (If it helps: That was not a request.)  

Most Peaceful Place 2 (Vietnam) Ep 2 (AKA 5) - love triangles aren’t my thing, but if you’re gonna do it short form, by all means bring in the lead’s other BL pairing so the chemistry is on point. Now I've no idea who I want him to end up with. Can’t they just be in a poly triad? 

My Lascivious Boss (Vietnam) Ep 7 - I’m still enjoying it a lot. It’s still unabashedly queer and the tension is ramping up. We now have secret identity, blackmail, femme fatale, faen fatale, and incoming seme confrontation. Best of all, the series is still airing, which makes it longer than any other Vietnamese BL I’ve seen (aside from Tein Bromance - which is just too weird to count). 

Gossip - Thai BL 

SEVEN PROJECT TEASERS

No one is entirely sure what Studio Wabi Sabi’s Seven Project/7Project will entail. 

It might be like Close Friend (1 episode per couple, no linking), 

or Y-Destiny (2 episodes per couple, loosely linked), 

or The En of Love (4 episodes per couple, linked but independent consecutive stories). 

They’re giving the couple’s arcs separate titles. So each one would be what? Seven Project: Once Upon a Time or the like? We’re in Taiwanese title territory people and NO ONE WANTS TO GO THERE. Anygay... 

Once Upon a Time is the BounPrem (og UWMA) anchor story, and seems to be the most dramatic and likely saddest. These two can handle most of what’s thrown at them at this juncture, so it should be good. 

Vs Love is a BoomPeak (og Make it Right) university vehicle. Since I thought Boom was done with our nonsense, I couldn’t be more thrilled and surprised this pair is doing another show together. I don’t think either of them are the greatest actors but I find Peak very endearing and Boom charismatic on screen, so I’ll watch. 

Would You be My Love is the hotly anticipated SantaEarth launch. They’re a (cultivated) IRL ship and Earth is an established BL actor. They have great chemistry and high energy so this could be lots of fun. 

We are also getting a GL from this series from established BL actresses Samantha and Pineare. Nothing teased yet on that, but I’m looking forward to this installment the most. Also curious to see how the ladies handle the branding and promo side, not to mention the culture. (Thailand variety shows gonna force *girls* to play the Pepero game?) 

Secret Crush on You upcoming Thai BL with no release date, co-produced by and featuring (but NOT staring) Saint and directed by Cheewin (sigh) with all fresh faces. (Previously known as Stalker the series.) It looks like pure pulp and I’m not wild about the plot but could be better than expected as it’s adapted from a novel. Cheewin is an okay director when he has an actual story to follow. 

Don’t Say No the series. Coming from the producers of TharnType this is the JaFirst vehicle many have been waiting for. Friends to lovers + a good boy/bad boy pairing on a sports romance foundation. It’s basketball so they tapped Meen as well (he’s semi-pro). The bad news? You get one guess as to who is writing the darn thing? Yep it’s MAME. So, ya know, expect some slam dunk kidnapping, a light dribbling of rape, and me turning into a basketcase. AKA... 

Will I have to live blog this series in order to survive it? That seems to be the only way I can. So probably. Which means the bad sports puns will continue. Look, if I’m suffering, SO ARE YOU! 

Rumors of a new YinWar vehicle The Best Story (mini series) coming in July. Also rumors that their previously announced Love Mechanics (full length series) has either been delayed, is facing money issues, or is moving studios, or all three. 

Breaking News 

DELAYED (I’m talking these three off the watch list until we get new airing dates) 

Love Area’s release was pushed out but it got a trailer. 

Golden Blood was supposed to drop Weds but comments in MDL report that it is delayed due to C19.  

Love’s Outlet (Taiwan) is supposed to have started a 50 episode run (only 3-5 min each, what utter nonsense). Sadly, this delay is due to a surge in cases in Taiwan which was doing so well, but also doesn’t have many inoculations. 

Bad Buddy has started workshopping at GMMTV actual. 

Kang Insoo’s BTS for Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding is SO FLIPPING CUTE. You have to watch it. Trust me, I don’t rec behind the scenes stuff often. 

Next Week Looks Like This: 

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

[mingkii]

DEAR STRANGER ─✎ 김.선우

» Kim sunwoo x Fem!Reader

» Words: 4.0k

» Genre: Angst, Penpal au, fluff if you squint

» Warnings: Major character death, reader has an illness (anemic and liver cancer)

» Summary: When sunwoo falls in love with a girl he met through pen pal letters, but he wished he could've told her sooner how much she meant the world to him.

» A/n: this idea has been stuck with me for over a year now and i finally decided to write it. I was actually supposed to post this like a long time ago but i never got to finish it😭💔 so here it is. i have also thought about just scrapping this but it would be a waste to just throw this away. Also another reason to procrastinate on my collab drafts KNSJSKSJJD. Actually, I was thinking about making this as an "i want to eat your pancreas" inspired fic, but it did inspire some scenes.

Hey there stranger,

Thanks for agreeing to be my pen pal. It's rare to see people do pen pals these days but I'm glad you accepted. Anyways, I'll stop babbling and let's start getting to know each other. Starting with simple questions, what's your favorite food? Mine is {favorite food} well, nowadays I can't really eat much of it because of a diet I have to follow but it's all good!....

Sunwoo smiles at the letter, sent by a girl, around his age. Those are the only info he knows as that's the rule in the website, so that you could have things to write about and chances to know each other personally.

As he's down to the last line, he immediately sat down on his desk to write his response.

Few hours later he finished, it really shouldn't have took that look but he had to double check— and even rewrite some parts. He placed your letter beside his and compared his plain and boring letter to your beautifully decorated one. He sighed, deciding to keep it as simple as possible.

"Sunwoo, we are gonna be late," a voice from the door. It was eric, his best friend, picking him up for his soccer practice.

"Is that from your pen pal?" He spots the letter beside sunwoo's and differentiates the two.

"Is it too simple? Should I add stickers or something," Sunwoo asks the boy beside him.

"Keep it simple, it has your personality." He smirks before walking away to exit his room. "Now let's go, I'm already late for baseball."

Sunwoo packs his things and heads out the door, taking the letter with him to drop off by the post office on the way.

=

You woke up immediately stretching your back, "this has got to be the most uncomfortable bed I have ever laid in," you said to yourself, looking out the window, the sun is out and the sky is clear. You got switched to a different room a day before due to some leaking in the old one and this had its perks, like the beautiful hospital garden view.

The outside looked beautiful and colorful compared to your dull, white, hospital room. You sighed and continued to lay in bed, what else is there to do when you are bedridden. You laid peacefully with your eyes closed, dreaming about the things you wanted to do when you get discharged. It wasn't like you were in here all your life but it does feel like it.

Then a knock came, it was the nurse bringing you breakfast and medicine. "Good Morning Y/n," She greeted, bringing your table in front of you.

"Good Morning."

The familiar meal set displayed in front of you as your face slowly darkened. You were sick of it, not that it tasted bad, you had it almost everyday for breakfast since you got here.

"Your parents dropped this off for you." She handed you a bag full of goodies to atleast make your stay a little less gloomy. In it had another plushy, more papers and stickers, and a letter. It must be from your pen pal.

The nurse shortly left after she checked your vitals and IV. You opened the letter and it was adorned by a messy yet cute handwriting.

The smile on your face didn't leave down to the last word. `He seemed cute', you thought, hoping that whoever sent you this wasn't a creepy middle aged lonely man who finds comfort in sending young girls letters.

After clearing out breakfast, you used the vacant table to write him a letter, this time, it contained info like your name and age. A question portioned that asks him for his name, age, and other information that you'll need to know he wasn't some creepy old man.

You finished decorating your letter and placed it on the table beside you.

Now to wait another week...

=

"Regionals is around the corner, are you excited?" Eric said, swinging his baseball bat by his side.

Sunwoo and Eric were walking home from practice and the only thing in the older boy's mind is that your letter arrives today.

Every week or so each letter gets sent out to the receiver, that depends on the distance between each person. Since your and sunwoo's letters arrive a week from each other, that indicated that you lived in the same country as him.

"Sunwoo, are you listening?"

The boy snapped out of his trance, looking at his best friend.

"Mm? Yeah, sure," he answered. Nearing the post office to obtain your letter.

"Are we gonna come here every week?"

"Yep," Sunwoo beamed as Eric groaned, slumping his shoulders as he followed the elder in front of him.

Little did Eric know, sunwoo was smiling, his face showed excitement. It would be embarrassing for Sunwoo if he knew.

"Y/n" 6 letters later, you two got confirmation that both of you are real people. Your name rolled off his tongue so naturally. His body flat on his bed, staring at the ceiling above him.

He thought back to the pictures of you when he went through your instagram, after obtaining each other's socials. He couldn't get his mind off of you, it was like he saw the most beautiful girl ever.

Then a mental slap from the only sane braincell he had. Reminding him that you were just a girl he met through letters, has he gone crazy?

He slapped himself— physically, before tucking himself to bed.

=

Right after sunwoo's big soccer game, as soon as he came home he wrote to you. He wrote about his day and how he won his regional games, and even took a polaroid of his trophy and medal. He was so happy and excited for you to find out.

After he finished the letter, he stuck a stamp and ran to the post office to mail it.

A week later, he went to the post office awaiting your letter.

Nothing.

Confused, since you would always send him letters a week after.

The next week, and still nothing.

A few weeks later he finally heard from you. He opened the letter as soon as he arrived in his room. The usual greetings and response. What shocked him in the end was an address to your house.

Then a note beside it.

If it's alright with you, I want us to meet up.

=

A knock on the door.

Sunwoo was nervous, it took hours for him to find the perfect outfit to wear. Embarrassing, but he couldn't help it.

The door slowly opened revealing a man. He was in his business attire, either he just came home from work or just about to leave.

"Hello sir, i'm looking for l/n y/n," he tenses, watching as the man eyes him up and down.

"Who are you and what's your business with my daughter," he looks at him with narrow eyes, puffing his chest out as a sign of dominance.

"Kim sunwoo, She invited me to meet up," he stutters, intimidated by the looks of your father.

"Honey who was that— oh, you must be sunwoo," a woman appears from behind, pulling aside her husband, "Don't scare the boy," she slaps his shoulder.

"Hello ma'am," he greets again. The woman smiles, her eyes turn into crescent moon shapes and wrinkles form on the corners.

"You look very handsome, come in, we can have some tea before we head to see y/n." Confusion sets in but he just follows the woman inside.

"This is the first time y/n ever brings a boy home— well, invites home," she brings a set of tea cups with the hot liquid inside. The house looks neat and very well kept. By the looks of it, you come from a wealthy family. Sunwoo hesitates to sit on the leather couch before your mother gestures for him to sit.

"We'll leave in a bit after y/n's father finishes his work, but why don't you tell me a bit about yourself," sunwoo awkwardly sits there as your mother looks at him with curiousity, everything will be worth it though as he will finally be meeting you.

He got to ride with your parents, knowing nothing about your whereabouts. Nervousness sets in once again as thoughts circle his mind. He thinks about the overall possibilities and outcomes once he comes face to face with you.

Will you like him? What if he doesn't meet up to your expectations?

But, unbeknownst to him, you were equally nervous.

"Be honest, do I look ok?" You turn to the nurse.

She looks at you with an adoring smile, "He will love it," you grin at her response.

Turning again to look at the mirror, you observe the dress that accentuates your curves, the color complimenting your skin. Your hair is styled, which rarely it would be.

Shortly after, you get a text. It was your mother informing you that they were on their way. Excitement runs through your veins, and just in the nurse has your iv fluids set.

Sunwoo's stomach dropped.

'The hospital?' he thought, heart beating at an irregular pace.

Your parents lead him to the hospital garden where the patients and their visitors hang out and get fresh air.

Your parents greet you first, engulfing you in a hug and as you turn around, you spot him standing a few feet away.

You give him a smile.

Sunwoo blushes, he gives you a small wave and a 'hey'.

"Ok we'll leave you two alone, we'll come back in a bit, yeah?" You bid your parents goodbye, leaving the two of you alone in silence.

"I'm really sorry we had to meet like this," you said, swinging your feet off the ground from the swings. You led him to a quieter part of the garden where few people come by.

"It's alright, just a heads up would've been nice," he chuckles.

"I mean, I just wanted us to meet since, you know," you gesture to the IV stand that you had been painfully dragging.

Sunwoo's heart clenches, he never would've thought that you have been going through something like this.

"Well not that I am dying," you laughed, trying not to make the tension between you grow.

"Anyways enough about me, how's soccer?" Sunwoo then talked about his days during soccer and how he's about to compete in a national competition and it could help him get scouted for college scholarships. It made you want to melt, you can tell he loves what he does and you can feel his burning passion.

But, you continued to sit in silence, trying not to have the conversation turn to you. You tried to drag it more, also trying to talk about soccer with the lack of knowledge of the sport. Making him mention his friend Eric, talking about school and all sorts of stuff.

And just like that it was getting dark, the light orange sunlight shining across the sky.

"Ah, it's almost dark," you said, abruptly standing up from the swing, though you regretted it when you suddenly felt dizzy, close to falling back when sunwoo was conveniently behind you to catch you.

"Be careful." His calloused hands pressing against your arms. Butterflies in your stomach.

"I'll call my parents."

"It's alright, I'll just call mine, I don't live too far from here." He says, keeping you company until you reach your room.

It was fun until it lasted. He bid you goodbye and went home.

You both agreed that it would be easier to have you communicate by phone but you would still surprise him with letters from time to time.

=

⚽: I just got your letter

⚽: The photos are really pretty

💌: thank you! I am glad you liked them :)

⚽: you know you could've just sent them here

💌: but i like sending you letters >:(

⚽: lol ok fine

💌: hehe >:)

Sunwoo smiles through his phone, he felt giddy. Eric notices his best friend, smiling ear to ear, genuinely concerned.

"Bro.... I am right here," he says, furrowing his brows and pouting at the boy. He groans in his spot, laying down on the floor beside sunwoo.

"You know if you were just gonna text y/n all day then why bother inviting me," he mutters, sunwoo still silently typing away.

The boy sits up and starts poking sunwoo's side, making the boy drop his phone. Eric grabs the phone from the floor and starts scrolling through the chat.

"Eric give me my phone back!" He yells as the younger runs around the house to avoid him.

Even making their way outside, sunwoo chases Eric around the yard before inevitably tackling him to the ground.

"Oops I sent it." Sunwoo's mouth opens wide. Reading the text Eric just sent.

⚽: Do you think we could go out some time?

"Oh my god eric...." He grins menacingly.

Sunwoo was ready to tackle him once again when his phone vibrated.

💌: Sure, how does this weekend sound?

⚽: that's alright with me!Your cheeks heats up like crazy, you couldn't help but let out a tiny squeal.

Few weeks after you and Sunwoo met for the first time, you finally got out of the hospital and this'll be your first ever date.

You are finally living like a normal teenage girl.

The date starts off normal, meeting up at a nice cafe near sunwoo's school, ordering some treats and drinks, and starting off with small talks.

"First time we met, you just kept letting me talk about myself, let's talk about now." His eyes became attentive, waiting for you to talk.You tense up not knowing what to say, locking your eyes with his dark brown ones.

You couldn't help but admire his boba eyes, long lashes and his luscious lips. Has he always looked this attractive? His permed dark hair, bangs reaching his eyes, and his cute habit of running his pointer finger to move the tips of his hair away from his sight.You snap out of your daze when sunwoo tilts his head.

"Right, uhm, well I'm actually homeschooled, bummer I know but there's nothing I can do when I can literally drop on the floor anytime," you joke, sunwoo shoots you a concerned look.

You panic when he starts to worry, "It'll only happen when I'm tired, I am extremely anemic," you say, sunwoo nods, taking note of what you said.

"I have liver cancer, I was malnourished as a baby, low blood sugar, low iron, and I was constantly sick," sunwoo watches as you avoid looking at his eyes, doing everything other than to look up at him, "I've missed so much of my childhood and teenage life, I just want to be normal. You know like, have fun, do stupid stuff, enjoy high school, dance at a prom, and if I'm lucky enough, I want to go to actual college."

You continued to rant, sunwoo still listening to every word. He wished he could magically rewind time, make your illness disappear and let you just enjoy your life, and he would want to be there to enjoy it with you.

"But please don't pity me, I have had my happy moments and I am content with that," you smiled.

Your smile was the brightest, sunwoo adored it. You were content, not wanting to be burdened with any regrets.

Life is like that, you don't know what it has in store for you. So just enjoy it, enjoy every last bit of it, remove the bad memories and only remember the good ones, for those are the ones that will keep you going.

=

"Oh hey sunwoo ,what are you doing here?"

"Just come with me," he drags you to his car, opening the passenger seat to let you in.

He drives off somewhere, taking you to a surprise he has prepared. You remembered how excited he was when he got his license for the first time, he wanted to take you on late night drives and road trips but you told him to slow down, trying to keep him from getting his brand new license revoked.

He parks the car at the foot of a hillside, blindfolding you as soon as you get out.

"Watch out." He says as you trip over a small rock.

"Sunwoo I can't see," you step, one foot after the other, carefully trying not to trip on anything.

"Ok, take the blind fold off," he stands in front of you, a blanket and other stuff laid out on the grass. It looked like it came out of a cliché romance movie. It's a romantic gesture nonetheless.

"When did you have time to do this?"

"I had a little help from Eric, getting stuff up here," he grins, sitting crossed legged on the blanket, patting down the spot beside him.

The moon shined bright, the stars speckled on the black sky. The beautiful fresh air hitting your skin, you breathe in to take the cool air into your lungs.

"This is beautiful sunwoo." You turned to him, his eyes staring right into yours, the moonlight casting down onto you, highlighting your features very well.

He tucks a stray hair strand behind your ear, moving his hand down to your cheek. You melt into his warm touch.

Sunwoo then grabs a speaker and starts playing a song. The slow melody surrounding you two, sunwoo standing up with his hands reaching out in front of you.

"May I have this dance with you?"

"Of course." you take his hands in yours, pulling you to stand on your feet. "Except I don't know how to dance." You said in a shy tone, sunwoo chuckled.

"Don't worry, I'll teach you." He begins by guiding your hands on where you should place it.

Your hands on his shoulders while his was around your waist. "Then just follow my lead." Your head looks down to watch his feet, following and matching his moves. You picked it up quickly, making you giggle.

Sunwoo finds your chin in between his pointer and thumb, making you look up at him. Now the moon was shining onto both of you, acting as a spotlight.

The light lets you look at him clearly. Studying every bit of his face. You didn't notice how close he was getting to your face, just a few inches apart, enough for your nose to brush together.

"Can I kiss you?"

You nod, shutting your eyes waiting for him to come closer. And you felt it, his lips pressing against yours, as he started to move, so did you, wrapping your arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. It was heart fluttering, your first dance and your first kiss all in one night. It was ethereal, it felt like a dream having to feel this moment.

You pulled away, lips feeling numb. Foreheads pressed together, laughing together. You two were absolutely lovesick.

You wanted this to last forever.

=

And of course, the universe won't always let things last.

⚽: Nationals time

⚽: Wish me luck<3

Sunwoo sends the text, waiting for the indicator that tells him if you have read the text. You must be asleep, he says to himself, turning off his phone and keeping it inside his locker.

Running out to the field as he gets ready for the game. While being clueless about your situation.

Sunwoo wins his game. You knew that, you knew he could do it. While Sunwoo happily jumps and shouts with his team after winning, holding the trophy for their victory, he can't forget about you. He dedicates this win to you, as he promised himself that he'll confess and ask you to be his girlfriend, you were really his biggest prize.

⚽: Y/N LOOK

⚽: *inserts photo*

⚽: WE WON

⚽: It's ok, you might be asleep

⚽: I'm coming over, yeah?

⚽: We could celebrate together

He arrives at your place, flowers in one hand, sporting a wide grin. But his excited smile slowly disappears when he sees your parents to be the one who answered the door, a gloomy look on their faces.

Your mother just hugged him, sobbing into his shoulder, dropping the flowers onto the concrete. His heart sinks.

What happened?

"I am so sorry sunwoo."

No, he didn't want to hear it.

This is not true, it has to be a joke, he must be dreaming. He wants this to end, he wants to wake up. He wants to see you, he wants to be with you. He still has so much he wanted to do with you, he planned so many things, he wanted to go to college with you, he wants to start a family with you, he wants to spend the rest of his life with you—

"She's gone."

But it's true.

Sunwoo stood there, somehow he felt numb, he didn't feel like crying. No tears were threatening to spill, he didn't feel…..sad, instead he was left with an empty feeling.

He went home that night, a tight feeling in his chest. But as soon as his head lay on his pillow, tears started to prick his eyes. He starts to sob with an empty feeling. No emotions at all, mind still processing what had happened.

You had surgery during his game. A liver transplant that gave you hope of having a future.

And while he was winning his battles, you were starting to lose yours.

=

Months later.

Sunwoo is healing, well, sort of. He got into his dream college, a varsity in soccer.

A girlfriend?

No, he isn't ready to let go yet.

One day, he unexpectedly gets a letter. It was stuffed inside the package his mom sent to him.

It was from...you?

It was strange— still, Sunwoo opened the letter.

Hey!

If you received this letter, then… you know what happened. I am sorry for not telling you. I know today is your big game so I didn't want to make you worried that you'll end up doing bad and end up not winning, which I know you did win because you are you. So I'm just gonna write you a letter.

I appreciated everything you have done for me, I loved every single one of it. I especially remember the time on that hill, the place where I had my first dance and first kiss. You remembered everything I said I wanted to do and you ended up making it a dream come true. So thank you, for fulfilling my wishes.

And I am probably a coward for doing this but, I like you kim sunwoo, wait no, I love you. A very strong word but it's true! I love you so so so much, you really made my life even better, I am glad to have met you, I am glad that I sent that letter, and I am glad you accepted it.

I have never been so happy in my life and that's all because of you. I can rest in peace knowing I have no regrets whatsoever.

And don't hold yourself for me yeah? If you do, I will personally come and slap some sense into you. Move on, I'll always be here beside you. But of course don't forget about me

In the past few months, Sunwoo has never cried this hard. Tears were overflowing, his face buried inside the sleeve of his hoodie. He hated it, he hated you for leaving him, he hated you for leaving so soon, for leaving without saying goodbye.

He didn't want to say goodbye. He didn't want to let go, but knowing that if you could, you would be slapping him and telling him to get over it.

In just almost a year he felt like he was gonna have the best time of his life, and he thought he would be sharing it with you. But in the end, the universe refused to give a happy ending.

[realfitreallife]

Visit Day

I had to remind myself to breathe as I stared at myself in the mirror. The small bathroom was boring and bland but clean at least, I ran my hands through my hair and straightened my shirt. I still couldn’t believe I had made this trip. Nearly 2000 miles to meet someone I had deep feelings for. 

A man I had never met face to face.

As I made my way back to my assigned seat, I took in the room around me. It felt more like a library then a prison. except for the security gates I had to cross outside to get in of course. Pod 20. Two seats separated by a thick cut out of plastic, there would be no contact. The rules were given and strict and failure to comply would result in abrupt cancellation of the visit, removal from state property and banned for any future visits. 

I was absolutely the most nervous I had been in awhile. You see if I could pick and choose a man, build a bear but for a partner if you will....he would be almost exactly what I was looking for...minus the felony record and prison sentence of course but things are rarely ideal for me in any situation. 

I had seen his record, he has always been super honest from the very beginning about why he was locked up and what his intentions were. The Penpal sites read more like dating app bios but its for inmates across the US. However he stated from the jump that he wanted only a friend. He told me he had pretty much give up on love, every time he felt like he might be falling in love with someone they ended up burning him bad. It caused him to have serious trust issues and no visitors in nearly two years, even before covid shut the world down.

He only talked to his brother, sister and occasionally the baby momma when she was feeling gracious. I fidgeting in my seat as the silence of the room almost overwhelmed me. Two other inmates were already seated and waiting for their loved ones but I was the only visitor yet. I thought about all the late night conversations and talks, all the jokes, laughter, and even tears. for 6 months I had sat vulnerable and completely honest about myself with this man. He knows about my demons, my insecurities and my goals. He has encouraged, supported, scolded and got on my ass in the ways that I need it. When I tell yall I could here my heart beating against my chest.

Just as I was lost in my head, I hear the outside door pop open shaking me back to the present, his face is covered by the mask but the minute we make eye contact the storm inside me stops. I stand up, awkwardly LOL because I can’t shake his hand or hug him but I really wish I could. I knew he was tall but he feels like a giant sauntering towards me right now, he is a foot and some extra taller then me. We both stand at the barrier, I can feel him looking me up and down as I am doing to him.  We have never met face to face, only video visits that require sitting. His eyes are dark pools of caramel, but they’re deep and still my favorite thing about him. I watch the corners of his eyes crinkle as he smiles widely, I can’t see it because of the mask but I have his smile and laugh memorized.

I was worried about the initial vibe check, I am also worried about the feelings I carry for him. When communication is limited to conversations and phone calls, but your whole life you have felt like you needed to physically satisfy a man to make him fall in love with you, a long distance deal is very scary. The minute we made eye contact, I knew I couldn’t hide it any longer. The feelings weren’t just me convincing myself I loved him, they were real. 

From the very first phone call, he told me he would never date me. I deserved better then someone locked up, and he had been cheated on every single time he had been to jail. As I sat down at this visitation, he pulled down his mask and told me I was tiny and lucky this was no contact because other wise he would eat me alive... I knew I was in love with him from the very first minute. I was in trouble for sure, love was not part of the plan. It didn’t matter though, and deep down I had kept telling myself all thee excuses why we couldn’t be together and now I sat just a few feet from him knowing damn well I was his. 

I have prayed for this man since I was young, the prince charming who could make me laugh but still knew when to take charge and be tough. I was never the girl in love with the main character, in fact I always sympathized with the villian because when a person feels loved and secure they can do anything. This man can do anything, he just has never had someone believe in him. That breaks my heart, He is not an inmate, he is a human being! Someone's son, brother, father and above all he has chosen me to be his partner. I don't know why, or even understand it because we are so different. I sit in this bland boring room, behind barbed wire and armed guard because something in the very primal part of my soul screams that this man is the one for me, I peek at him over my mask, his deep dark eyes are looking at me, watching me, waiting, He has questions, but I can NOT breathe when he looks at me like that. Fantasies of being underneath him, taking all of him, flood my mind. I cant show him right now but someday I will.

He will know, without a doubt, he owns me. I am his.

[blishwix]

❝ WE ARE ALL WEARING MASKS. THAT IS WHAT MAKES US INTERESTING ❞

huh, who’s LUKE MITCHELL? no, you’re mistaken, that’s actually JIMBO “WICK” BLISHWICK VI. he is a 35 year old PUREBLOOD wizard who is CEO OF A WIXEN TECH & MEDIA COMPANY. he is known for being CALCULATING, FRAUDULENT, HEDONISTIC, CONCEITED, and AMORAL but also CHARISMATIC, AMBITIOUS, INNOVATIVE, METICULOUS, and PERSONABLE, so that must be why he always reminds me of the song IT’S LONELY AT THE TOP BY BIG BAD VOODOO DADDY and STYLISHLY RIPPED JEANS AND SUEDE SHOES, PURELY AESTHETIC AND MISLEADING SOCIAL MEDIA FEED, NEATLY TRIMMED BEARD AND SANDALWOOD MUSK, HORN RIMMED GLASSES WITH SMUDGES ON THE LENS, MOLESKIN FULL OF ENDLESS CODE AND FUTURE TECH INNOVATIONS, EXTRAVAGANT PENTHOUSE OVERLOOKING THE CITY, WHISKEY STONES AND EMPTY DECANTERS, and CHARMING PERSONABLE SMILES WITH MALICIOUS INTENT HIDDEN UNDERNEATH THE SURFACE. i hear he is aligned with THE DEATH EATERS, so be sure to keep an eye on him.

GENERAL

FULL NAME: Jimbo Dashiel Bartholomew Blishwick VI NICKNAME(S): Wick, Jim, Dash, Bart (yes he legit will go by any of these) AGE/DATE OF BIRTH: 35, 02/16/1994 OCCUPATION: Tech & Media Mogul GENDER: Cis Man PRONOUNS: He/Him/His HOMETOWN: Dallas, Texas CURRENT RESIDENCE: London, I guess ALMA MATTER: Ilvermorny, Horned Serpent BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

BIOGRAPHY

MEET JIMBO BLISHWICK: THE YOUNG AMERICAN CHANGING THE WIZARDING WORLD ONE STATUS UPDATE AT A TIME. 

I’m not sure exactly what to expect when the invitation comes in. It seems archaic to be communicating over owl. There was even a part of me that thought I should revert to the “email” form which my subject is so fond of. What if the wixen tech mogul’s fondness for typing meant he had poor penmanship? To my delight not only was Mr. Blishwick’s handwriting clear as day, but it came with a gleeful acceptance to be interviewed. So it was on that high note that I made my way to Blishwix HQ in London to meet with the illustrious CEO. What I had expected was some pristine corporate office with dark leather and wood accents, sterile and admittedly cold and disconnected from the world. What I was met with was surprising. Blishwix is anything but old school in its style. Much like the young hip branding that accompanies its many products and services, the corporate HQ of Blishwix is sleek, modern and very accessible. It’s a open space of mostly glass walls, the bull pen dotted with standing desks and stability balls replacing wheeling chairs. Towards the entrance to the main floor there is a food bar, one which changes weekly I’m told. This week it’s a cereal bar, last week it was a sushi bar, the next week it’s expected to be a pho bar. Employees are scattered around it with tablets and laptops, giddily conversing around mouthfuls of rainbow marshmallows and corn flakes. There’s also several corners tucked away with velvet cushions where some team members curl up with headphones and e-readers or handheld video game consoles. Designated comfort zones, the tour guide describes them as. It’s the Blishwix goal to make sure the employees are all comfortable, so whenever they get stressed out or overwhelmed, there’s always a little place they can escape to in order to calm their nerves. In truth, Blishwix looks less like a company and more like an urban hang out for pretty hipsters in crop tops and flannels. Surely the big man on top would have a more professional set up, right? 

Even the display in the bull pen did not prepare me for Jimbo Blishwick’s personal office. It’s one of a few closed off areas to the side of the floor, wide with tall glass walls over looking the bull pen, and predominately empty save for another bean sack, a slim desktop atop a standing desk, and a row of bookcases displaying dozens upon dozens of novels, all of which I can’t place and among the only print media to be found anywhere in Blishwix. “They’re muggle books,” says a voice from behind. When I turn and get a first glance at the figure leaning casually against the glass door to the office, my gut instinct is that this is just another one of those twenty something year olds squeezing stress balls on the work floor. He’s tall, wearing a handmade beanie in a burnt orange color -- One that is, frankly, not a good pair with his golden hair. His neatly trimmed beard and horned rimmed glasses speak of an elegance that doesn’t exactly match the acid wash tattered jeans or the faded t shirt worn under an oversized cream cardigan. The shirt is colorful and bears a phrase that doesn’t come easy to me. Woodstock. Perhaps this is another “muggle thing”. It isn’t until he draws close enough that I recognize the bare footed man. It’s Jimbo Blishwick himself. “Call me Wick,” he easily responds to my surprised expression, knowing full well he wasn’t what I expected. Instead of holding out a hand in a formal handshake and then pulling up a chair for the interview, he engulfs me in a hug and ushers me into the love sack. It’s awkward at first, but eventually I melt into it. It’s just as comfortable as it looks, and their use in the designated comfort zones make more sense to me now. Wick opts to sit crosslegged on the floor, a large coffee in one hand and a bowl of granola balanced on his thighs. He sips the coffee as my eyes wander the space, finding small and interesting little things to ask him about. 

The first thing that draws my attention is a set of crystals sitting on the top of his desk, and when I ask he lets out a howling laugh that echos throughout the office, surely drawing the attention of his hard playing -- and hardly working -- employees beyond the glass walls. “Oh, I had a bit of a headache,” he says with a somewhat amused grin. “My wife said they might help.” The wife in question isn’t some darling stay at home mom you might expect. In Wick’s own words: She’s the reason the “Boss Girl” phrase was invented. Selene Blishwick is as shrewd a business person as her husband is, and perhaps a bit more progressive. As I attempt to shift a bit in the cushion, Wick relays some confidential information about some of their upcoming branding collaborations. Each is more unconventional than the last, and they all have one vital thing in common: Selene Blishwick is the one that found them. I’d go into detail, but Wick swears it would become a marital problem if I spill the big secrets before they’re due to come out. Instead he offers a sly grin and taps a single finger to his lips. “Our little secret, then you can be the cool hip one among your friends who knew all about it before it came out.” An exciting proposition, though I realize that I do need something I can share with the public from this visit, and as Wick’s bowl of dry granola gets emptier I fear I’m running out of time. So I set out to do what I’d planned: a profile on the CEO of Wizarding London’s premiere tech company. 

When I ask Wick what was the event that kickstarted his long journey to bringing the wixen world into the 21st Century, he answers in one simple phrase: “A pen pal program.” I was surprised to say the least, but it all became more transparent as I urged him to elaborate. What ensues is a story about the overweight son of a MACUSA politician who was teased and bullied all his life and struggled to maintain platonic connections. “I had no friends,” he says, a sad truth but it comes out with a light and airy laugh. “But I didn’t make it quite easy for people to be my friend.” Despite his laid back and easy going charm, Wick reveals a disabling shyness and insecurity that kept him from engaging with the world. The only one privy to his thoughts and personality was the journal he carried with him wherever he went. “I always thought I sounded better on print than in person. I could be whoever I wanted to be on paper -- Handsome, smart, clever and fun. I just could never bring that outwards, you know?” I think we can all sympathize with the young Blishwick’s plight. It didn’t help that he had quite the shoes to fill. Sixth in his line, the Jimbos that came before the media mogul were all tied to American politics. They’re all charming and ambitious men, but Wick says he just didn’t have it in him to be a lawmaker. “Big Daddy” -- yes, that’s the moniker his father, Jimbo the fifth, goes by -- “He’s just built to be a Senator, I’m just the apple that fell a little too far from that tree.” Secluded and distant, educators began to worry that Wick’s development would be halted by the lack of socialization between him and his peers. So one Ilvermorny professor had suggested Wick be one of a handful of students elected to partake in a cross continental penpal program. “Fabricating friendship,” he called it. What they didn’t know is that the program would lead to a lot more. When I ask him who his first penpal is, if it’s someone he still has direct contact with, he lets another one of those amusing grins slip. “Oh yeah, very much so. I’m actually married to her.” 

A fifth year at Ilvermorny, Wick was matched with a Hogwarts student a handful of years younger than him by the name of Selene Rowle. According to Wick, their correspondence lasted throughout both of their schooling and beyond, until he had taken a chunk out of his trust fund in order to travel to the United Kingdom to meet in person. He says that’s the only time he used his family’s money to get where he is now -- literally using it to transport across the Atlantic. Leaving behind his family’s estate in Texas and the promising job at MACUSA his father had acquired for him, Wick came to London in order to meet his long distance friend for the first time. The only person “who really knew what he was about” he says. I ask if it was for romantic reasons. He thinks about it while he sips his drink. “I guess in hindsight it does seem a little romantic.” Whatever his reasons, Wick came and he never turned back. He said that one of the first times they interacted in person, he and his future bride had lamented on their past communication and the long waits between letters. “We felt like we’d left things off on cliff hangers so often, and you’d have to wait forever just to get some kind of answer to those burning questions the last letter gave you. It was one of the most frustrating things.” The pair wondered what it would have been like if there had been a more instantaneous way to talk with wizards across the globe. After all, Wick had concluded, the muggles did it just fine. During his teen years, the Texan said he had grown very interested in what nonmagical civilization was like. A “No-Maj Studies Class”, as they call the Muggle Studies program in the states, had a unit on the technological advances of the nonmagical community during much of the modern era. The professors tried to teach the students that this was all building towards a very dangerous threat to the magical community: exposure and the fast spreading of information over the internet. Wick saw something different. “As I thought about how I wished I had a better gateway to my penpal during my teen years, I just kept thinking about how muggles had that already figured out. They could instantly send letters to anyone anywhere in the world. No long wait times for traveling owls or anything like that. It was instantaneous.... And why shouldn’t we be like that?” 

It was this very thought that birthed the company the Blishwicks lead now. 

So how do you bring the magical world safely into the 21st Century as dictated by the nonmagical? That was no easy feat. For his part, Wick said he had to learn all about something that didn’t exist in their world, something that didn’t interact well with magic. And how do you study muggle tech without magic interfering? Simple: You “become a muggle”. That’s when I realized there was a book I recognized on his eclectic shelf of reading material. Daisy Hookum’s best seller My Life as a Muggle. It’s the first book on the shelf, in the most pristine condition. A first edition, and it’s even signed by the author herself, though Wick doesn’t remember the meeting. It has a simple message in it: I hope you enjoy the time you spend in the nonmagical world and make memories as fond as my own. “Oh yeah,” he laughs, “I did tell her I was also voluntarily giving up magic in order to help kickstart my company.” He says it with an air of unfamiliarity, like he only vaguely remembers the moment. Still, he presses on with the story. A controversial choice for the son of a self proclaimed “conservative-traditional” pureblood senator, Wick was shortly disowned by the American Blishwicks for his choice to give up his magic for two and a half years to live among the muggles. But it had purpose. “I may have lied my way into an internship with a tech company in Edingbrugh. I was trying to learn as much as I could about this muggle innovation. If I wanted to create something similar for our community, I needed to master their version.” He says it took more than the two years he gave himself to live among them, and he’s still studying it to this day, but after that amount of time he had the ground work he needed to then create his tech and media empire. The biggest obstacle wasn’t even in creating the highly secret magically encrypted network which allows smart phones to be used in the wizarding world. No, for Wick the biggest hurdle to pass over was the longstanding traditional values the community had. “I think there’s an innate fear in not just advancing the community, but in mirroring any sort of progress than the muggles have done. There’s nothing wrong with it, I mean we have adapted enough of their inventions into our own world already so why not take it a step further?” He refers to radio and electric hook ups that appeared in a lot of wixen homes in the past century. 

Blishwix started out small, creating and selling smart phones and desktops primarily with the idea in mind to change the way we communicate. Email was one of those first muggle digital contraptions that made its way into the wixen mainstream and has stayed, but within a short decade the company’s offerings expanded to mirror exactly what the digital world of the muggles looks like now. It’s becoming more and more rare to see wixen without a Loquix* in hand, or a Blishwix desktop at home. The Wixpix social media app, in which users post photos taken from the cameras on their cellular devices and add witty captions which can then be “liked” or “commented” on by users across the globe, continues to grow in popularity. And now the media and tech giant is rolling out a “streaming platform” -- a sort of home theater in the form of an app that catalogues film and television programs created by wixen for wixen. There’s Accio, an application that allows you to ask random questions and receive an answer instantly; Portky** which allows users to request forms of transportation when they desperately need it, including ministry-approved portkeys (or so it claims, we haven’t used it yet here at the Prophet). There’s even applications for those lonely wixen looking to find a love connection. Erised is one such app where user profiles are made with a handful of photos, a small ‘about me’ section, and a few small details that can be provided to prospective dates in order to help connect those with similar interests and hobbies. The married Wick does not have an Erised profile, but his assistant allows me to scroll through her’s and even swipe a few times on other profiles. I accidentally match her to someone she admits she can’t see herself interested in, but we all have a good laugh about it. These are only a few of many “experiences”, as Wick refers to them, offered by the company in order to branch the magical people from across the globe. “What is more beautiful than seeing people from different cultural backgrounds and walks of life coming together and sharing ideas and thoughts so quickly?” I realize as I’m sitting there in that bean cushion, scrolling through a prototype of the next Blishwix tablet that I know so little about the world beyond my little corner of it. I suddenly understand Wick’s enthusiasm about expanded communication. 

It’s all pretty exciting to see coming together, it’s almost impossible to understand what more could be done by Blishwix. So when I ask him what’s next, Wick gets a very eager look in his eyes. “There’s a lot of places we still don’t have our tech in that I think would be all the better for it,” he solemnly reveals, and I’m shocked to hear it. Since visiting Blishwix, I have seen their product seemingly in every corner of Wizarding London I explore daily. Who isn’t using connected to their expansive network at this point? “I would love to do a partnership with the Ministry. As the governing body, I feel like we can offer them so much that could continue to further develop the community and continue progressing us into the future. If we could get our desktops in every Ministry Department, we can further the sort of work that keeps our world moving. Just imagine how we could expand Law Enforcement, Education or Wellfare departments if we can make all the relevant information they need all the more accessible to their employees? Think about how much easier it would be for them to process information on our fast and reliable network.” 

On the topic of Education, Wick reveals his ambitions don’t stop with the Ministry. “I would love to see Blishwix in schools like Hogwarts,” he says, revealing what may be the biggest bombshell yet. “This whole dream started because of a chubby boy who had no friends in school and wanted a faster way to communicate with the one he made far away. I think a lot about that and how my life would have been different had I had this kind of technology available to me. If there are lonely kids like me who could have that, or even kids who are just struggling to get the information they need to be successful in school, and I could give them what they need to advance in life? Then I could say I’ve done what I initially set out to do. Until that day, I would say that Blishwix hasn’t been a success yet. Even teachers could benefit from the use of the internet and all the resources we have out there which we now have access to.” I begin to wonder if the technological genius is actually more of a philanthropist. “I don’t know, you tell me,” he quips when I muse out loud. Our interview comes to a halt by this point, and I’m left with so many more questions. What is Blishwix cooking up for the wizarding world next? What kind of innovations will define the company’s next decade? These, and so many more, questions are left unanswered as I walk out of Blishwix HQ, a takeaway bowl of fruity cereal in one hand and my previous generation Loquix in the other (scrolling through shopping apps in order to find that “love sack” I spent much of the afternoon lounging in).

The same day I begin writing this piece out, Blishwix has announced the Loquix VI, their most advance smartphone yet. They livestream details of their upgraded OS and hardware reveal on the company’s social media, an event I watch while typing this article up on my worn out typewriter. Halfway through and I’m out of ribbon, and I silently curse myself as I order a new set online. All the while the Blishbook Pro is being revealed on the stream, its sleek wireless keyboard and slim expandable monitor shimmering under the stage lights. I join in with the loud gasps from the shareholders crowding the conference room where the event is being held. The irony of this isn’t lost on me, and as I sit here writing out these last few paragraphs with a quill in my cramped hand I begin to realize exactly why I admire Jimbo Blishwick and his forward thinking. At least he’s not sitting here with ink blotches in obscene places, running to his editor’s office just barely before deadline with a mess of typed and handwritten article. I remember in that moment, drenched in the rain while rushing through the offices of the Prophet, the first line in his owl response to my inquiry for the interview: 

You should have just emailed. 

Touché, Blishwick, touché. 

*Portky app idea comes courtesy of Kim ( @strvngemagics​ ) **Loquix phone name comes courtesy of Vic ( @cfdiggorys​ / @moodyparis​ / @aarlingtons​ ) Both gave permission to use / mention these galaxy brained concepts in the intro and credit for their conception goes to them. Thank you guys so much!!

TL;DR: Wick is full of shit. What can I say? Here’s the ‘Murrican lad who claims to be some hip and cool CEO of a wizarding tech and media company. Okay he’s I guess apple meets zuckerberg. Idk I’m not galaxy brained enough for this afheiahfpea hence the very oddly written bio. Wick’s a pureblood from america who supposedly forsake his family’s purist ways and then decided to create a company modeled after muggle tech in order to “bring the wizarding world into the modern era”. In actuality? He’s a fucking bigot who created a network that he could use to spy on people who may be enemies of the cause. At least that’s how it’s being factored into the DEs. His theme song is “Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell bc he’s always watching you. Gives off this very laid back and down to earth and charming persona just so he can gain your trust and meanwhile he’s leaking your information to the DE and helping them further their agenda. Some extra tidbits not seen above: 

He’s got some daddy issues which are leaking into his parenting. Aka he is not exactly excited to be a father but you wouldn’t know that from his Wixpix feed which feature so many “cute” dad photos with his baby boy. In order for him to become his best self, his dad had to make his life a living hell and he believes that’s how he’s gonna have to handle Zephyr as well. 

He is smart, yes, but he’s not some brilliant innovator like the world thinks he is. His empire is built on stolen material which he simply “adapted” to the magical world. He’s not original, but he is clever. 

He’s not a fighter, clumsy with a wand, had a severe stutter as a kid which made it very hard for him to cast spells etc, so he avoids battle often and instead offers up his company more for espionage for the DEs. He’s better suited to behind the scenes mayhem, and that’s kind of the way he likes it. 

He’s a coward. He’s hiding behind computer screens and tbh if things get really sticky he’s likely to try and sell out the DE in order to save his skin. Has an escape plan to the states if things get really sticky but the likelihood of him succeeding are slim to none. 

He acts very charitable and humble and kind but he’s conceited as hell and he’s a real shady bitch sometimes. Talks shit on everyone behind their backs

He’s had a few affairs here and there despite being married. Even with that, he is in love with his wife and feels a sort of fealty towards her. She’s a very important part to the company, she’s pretty much the brand of it and so he relies on her a lot to help manufacture their image even just as individuals to help the rouse. 

BODY IMAGE TW/EATING DISORDER TW. Wick has some body image issues due to his past tbh. He got bullied a lot as a kid for being overweight and quiet, his solace was in food and he was a binge eater. As he got a bit older, he made some desperate choices in order to lose weight to gain a slimmer figure. It wasn’t healthy, it landed him in hospital a few times, and eventually he had to meet with nutrition specialists and therapists in order to work out a more healthy mindset on food. He’s still harbors body imagine issues, but he’s learned to be better about it. Still, he maintains a very strict diet and work out regime because he feels his image is one of the most important things about him. He did meet Selene when he was slim and athletic and therefore thinks it’s best he maintain the figure even just out of fear she wouldn’t find him attractive otherwise. 

is any of the stuff he said in this interview true? Idk, idk

Idk, I hate this man and this bio afheuiahfpea I’ll end up rewriting it eventually. 

MISC

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Biromantic LANGUAGES: English FAMILY: Jimbo Dashiel Bartholomew Blishwick V (but they call him “Big Daddy”; father), Cricket Blishwick née Berkeley (mother), Beaufort Harland Blishwick (younger brother), Cora-Lou Blishwick (younger sister), Selene Blishwick née Rowle (wife), Zephyr Blishwick (infant son), and by extension all the fucking Rowles I guess PETS: TBD FACE CLAIM: Luke Mitchell ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Aquarius MBTI: hm PINTEREST: (coming soon)

WANTED CONNECTIONS

interns - a couple new grunts at the blishwix HQ. they can be any affiliation, but if they are DE affiliated then they’ll know a little bit more about what is going on behind closed doors at the company. could be fun for future plotting purposes. 

co conspirators - other DEs who similarly to wick lead a double life in the public eye. philanthropists, media stars, all sorts of “do gooders” who are banning together in order to break “harmful stigmas and stereotypes and join the wixen community globally”. blishwix mission statement aims to create a platform for wixen of all types across the world to interact free of prejudice and judgement and to bring the magical community into a modern era free of harmful ideologies. of course that’s a fucking lie, so if you play a baddy bad who’s pretending to be goody good then this could be a fun collaboration. 

partnerships - alternatively, let’s see some honest to good people and groups get schemed by these fuckers. this would involve some potential screwing over but no worries, at the end of the day blishwix will tank and then your character can get their sweet revenge on this man and his corrupt business. 

idk hmu with ideas. 

[greatandquestionablecontent]

What would Gavin's username on dating apps be? (bonus if we get his intro text too)

Ooh okay so I can really only imagine Gavin making a dating profile at 2 specific points in his life. I can barely come up with usernames for myself so I have no clue!!!! 

Uh this actually answered neither of your questions but here are my thoughts. Thanks for the ask!

The first phase where he might make a dating profile would be he gets with Ari. He'd be like 18, but we can also scoot that back a little so he doesn't get with her until later and it honestly works better if he's in his twenties instead. He's young, but is surrounded by influences saying it's really weird he hasn't had a girlfriend yet. All the kids he grew up with are settling down, and he just hasn't found anyone. His mom is dropping increasingly frequent hints about grandchildren and maturity, meanwhile his friends keep pointing out random ladies to him in the hope that one will catch his eye. None of them do. He's not sure sexual attraction is even real.

So he goes online. He's looking for a girl who meets a nice list of qualifications. He changes his profile all the time because he's not really sure what he does want in a girl. A wife, good mom material, has to be at least socialist enough to make the majority uncomfortable. Uh, reads books? Yeah. Oh, she should be nice.

His profile says very little about him personally, and he throws in facts which he thinks are normal, like height and weight and that he has a job - potential partners like knowing those things right? But it does make at least some of his politics clear. Like maybe he doesn’t have ALL COPS ARE BASTARDS, BRING OUT THE GUILLOTINES in bold across the top (especially since that could get him and his allies in major trouble) but he's got some pointed quotes from historical figures.

He's got friends who help him pick profile pictures where he looks especially handsome and cool. In half the pictures, he’s not alone.

The other time he makes a profile is after Ari, possibly after something's happened with Trystan. This one, he takes his own selfies. Two, because the website advises you do multiple. They both look very serious, because he can’t figure out how to fake a smile for his cell phone. 

Mostly, he's looking for a friend. There's a list of recommended topics he enjoys discussing and books he’s reading or just finished, and he suggests meeting for coffee or a beer. Also, it mentions, he's looking for men. A word like "curious" or "exploring" is cautiously thrown in there.

He makes a couple of friends! Somehow the formula tends to pair him with a lot of quirky people with niche interests or tastes, people on the fringes of society in some way or other, and half of them he can’t even tell why they matched. Some he never meets irl, and they become penpals of the long and infrequent email sort, or they mostly just send each other article links. Some he starts to hang out with somewhat regularly (and rarely gets within four feet of. Maybe an awkward hug and a clap on the back). It’s good though. He really needed some friends.

There's one guy he hooks up with, just once. It doesn't feel right. He gives up on dating apps after that.

[kyliexmoore]

『 zendaya. twenty-three. cis woman. she/her. 』 oh heavens, is that KYLIE MOORE from CHESTNUT DRIVE i see roaming around mapleview? minnie may’s always calling them -CARELESS & -RECKLESS. i happen to think they’re not that bad! they’re a pretty cool CLERK AT STRINGS & THINGS and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been +WHIMSICAL & +LOYAL. i hope i see them around again!  』

kylie moore has always been different. she was born on october 31st, 1997, at around 3:30 am in one of the best hospitals New York City had to offer. oddly enough, when she was old enough to speak, her first words were not 'mama' or 'papa' but instead her mother's first name, 'chantel.' that was just one instance in which her parents understood that kylie moore would never be 'normal.'

growing up, kylie's creativity flowed as effortlessly as a river. it showed in how she dressed, spoke, the scents she'd pick out for body sprays, how she viewed the world and many more ways. while her father (one of new york's finest and ruthless lawyers) wanted kylie to start acting more 'proper' and 'ladylike' from a very young age, her mother (one of new york city's top psychiatrist) always pushed for her creative freedom to be expressed. needless to say, the older kylie got, the more her parents would buttheads. At the end of it all, she always tried to make both parents happy in some way.

along with her creative soul, came an enormous amount of curiosity for the world around her, particularly for solving mysteries. at one point in her life (when she was in her early teens), kylie became so into mystery-solving that she began to explore the house she lived in a bit more. she was in the middle of one of her detective games when she opened a box hidden in the depths of her parents closet, it was a box that would change kylie moore's life forever. in this box were letters to a boy named lane. while her mother never mentioned the name before, it certainly seemed like this boy was someone who meant very much to her. as she read letter after letter, kylie slowly began to piece together the puzzle before her.

throughout her remaining years at home, kylie did not mention the mysterious letters that resided in her parents closet. instead, she kept quiet (mainly because she wanted to keep reading new letters that would arrive from lane) and slowly began to plot how she could one day meet her mystery half-sibling face to face.  the idea occurred to her while she was watching 'perks of being a wallflower' of all movies, but she began to set the pieces into place from the moment it struck her.

before the idea had struck, if you were to ask kylie moore what she wanted to do when she was old enough to leave the nest, she would have instantly told you she wanted to be either a painter or a film director. she would have also told you about her dreams of attending columbia university (located in chicago), one of the best schools for nurturing everyone's creative soul. instead, she chose to cave in to what her father wanted and began to search for universities that offered good law programs. however, she didn't tell her parents what she was doing, but she was also applying for a university that stood proudly in a small town called mapleview. so, when she received her acceptance letters for both universities, she did not hesitate to attend one for a semester before transferring her grades to the one in mapleview.

after taking a short break, she did not return to the school; her parents assumed their daughter was attending. instead, she made the trip to her new school in mapleview. it had been a plan in the making for years, almost feeling like centuries, but she was still incredibly nervous at the idea of finally seeing her brother face to face. while she had no clue what he looked like, she did have a name, and in a town like mapleview, she figured his name was going to be enough to locate him.

 it's been about a week, moving into two, since her arrival in mapleview. while she hasn't made an effort just yet to go around and look for her brother, she has been making an effort to set herself up for a comfortable stay. she got a job at the local music shop (strings & things) as a clerk and even managed to get a place with a cool soul by the name of jude. her room purposely has white walls on it to leave their mark on them when they visit. another quirk about kylie is that she enjoys sneaking around the town at night to find any walls that might need a touch of kylie on them. she doesn't leave her signature on any of her wall paintings, though, but she enjoys seeing the reaction people get when one randomly appears overnight.

THINGS AND BITS:

loves old school rock and roll. 

horror movie/romcom lover

always has an idea for a script in her head, or a camera in hand

adores puppies/kittens 

can cook like no tomorrow

pansexual 

love in her heart/soul

messy brain, messy buns, but clean freak

connections:

fwbs, flings, best friend(s), close friend(s), drinking buddies, partner in crime, online pen pal, and many more!

Current Connections:

Romeo Rhodes: a summer fling she had that ended too quickly for her taste. he was the first person she had ever hooked up with, but that was something she witheld from him. to this day, he holds a special place in her heart.

Daniel Moon: a close friend of hers that she met at another rich kids birthday party she was forced to go to one day. they bonded, clicked, fused, almost instantly. daniel is someone who means the world to kylie, practically a rock in her fickle life, and she would do ANYTHING for him. he’s the guy she can call at three in the morning to cry to, or the person she knows will grab a milkshake with her and allow her to vent her problems away. 

Lane Morrison: her half brother that she does NOT know about just yet. while her and lane have been keeping in touch as penpals (thanks to a school project), it really never occurred to kylie to put two and two together. she’s been in touch with lane for a year. he knows a lot about her, except for the bit about her brother. 

[what2finish]

Creator Post: Rudearrow

Rudearrow’s WTF Creator Post (Auction #1001, #1002)

Creator’s previous works: Here!

Link to GDrive Folder of WIP Summaries/HCs/Plot Bunnies Creator is Offering: Here! 

you can contact the creator before bidding at:

email: rudearrow@gmail.com

Likes:  fantasy au, sci-fi au, plotfic/casefic, found family, Redemption Arc With Hard Work, Demonstrating Contrition, and Learning to Love Yourself(tm), wingfic, lesser known pairings and characters, crossovers, whacky ideas taken seriously, whacky ideas taken whackily, bdsm

Do Not Wants: no non-con, torture, incest, or underage. no harder kinks, ie: scat, waterworks, gore, etc.

Preferred Charities of the creator: Any

Full Charities List

___

Auction #1

Type of fanwork: fanfiction

Fandom: Marvel, DC, Stranger Things, Game of Thrones, Supernatural, Mo Dao Zu Shi/The Untamed, (honestly, just email me if you like my writing... if I know your canon, I'm probably down)

Pairing(s): I'm a multi-shipper who loves underdog/rarepairs, existing WIPs are for Winterhawk, Winteriron, Winterironhawk, Robb/Theon, Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington/Dean Winchester. Platonic/grey-ace pairings welcome!

Character(s): there isn't a character from any of the canons listed that I won't write

Rating: General, Teen, Mature

Marvel WIPs:

Crimson & Clover: Urban Fantasy AU; 616 Clint & Bucky, endgame Winterhawk. Clint Barton has finally done the Right Thing(tm) and left his life of petty crime with Cirque du Nuit behind him. He’s got a GED, a bow, and coffee- and not much else. In the process of rebuilding his life, he runs into a not-so-tall, dark, and handsome stranger. Literally. He thinks a spilled latte and a bump on the head will be the end of his encounter, but with each successive run-in, he realizes that maybe luck just isn’t on his side and outrunning his past might not be in the cards after all. Current WC: 15k.

Half-splitting the Problem: Winteriron canon reversal! Feared dead after an attack on his convoy in Afghanistan nearly three months ago, the CEO of Barnes Industries has once again defied expectations. Having survived the attack and his subsequent captivity by the terrorist organization, The Ten Rings, James ‘Bucky’ Barnes has returned to American soil and turned his company upside down. Tony Stark, a young man from humble means with few options, has been working his internship with SI R&D for nearly a year now. He’s noticed activities that can only be described as ‘iffy’ at best, but with a boatload of student debt and a work history peppered with reprimands and missed deadlines he’s decided to keep his head down for the almighty dollar and hope for the best... Until he stumbles across Obadiah Stane’s personal project. Current WC: 1.5k

Seraphic (Hallowed Incorporeal Entities) Liaison Division, AKA: S.H.I.E.L.D.: Winterironhawk wingfic! Bucky Barnes has been assigned a new Seraph partner and he’s not happy about it. Tony Stark is that  Seraph and while he’s not thrilled either, it really is a lot of fun to push Barnes’s buttons. Clinton Francis Barton, unbeknownst to him, is their first assigned charge. And honestly? He could use all the help S.H.I.E.L.D. can spare. Current WC: 3k

Misadventures in Solitude: Clint Barton-centric, fwb Winterhawk, open to endgame romantic Winterhawk, alternative Clint pairing (except Nat. Sorry, for me they are always platonic soul mates), and/or poly. Just a day in the life of Clint Barton, coffee-riddled, exhausted corporate cog. He did all the “right” things- went to school, got a decent white-collar job, moved to the big city- so why is he so unhappy? And lost. Except, shit... he’s actually lost. Where the futz is he? Current WC: 1.5k

Part I:  The Space Between Us: 616 Winterhawk; Space! Kidnapped Clint! BDSM. This is technically part one to the fic I finished a few months ago on my linked Ao3, Show Me the Miles. Bucky has been chosen for the “away team”, as Stark likes to call it. While Bucky is bored almost to tears watching Stark and Rogers schmooze with extraterrestrial royalty, Clint is snatched while on a milk run mission back on Earth. Bucky, suffice it to say, doesn’t exactly take the news well. Current WC: 5.5k

Marvel HC:

Fairytale Winteriron AU: Bucky/Tony Bucky is a sprite with moth wings. Tony is a sprite with butterfly wings. Their peoples have centuries of animosity and sharp words for each other. Then ‘the fire(fly) nation attacked’ and [choose which one here] is injured, only to be saved by the other! Begrudging friendship and appreciation turn into more. Endgame is sprites in love. \o/ 

Completion WC Estimates:

Crimson & Clover, Estimated 40k+ upon completion. 

Half-splitting the Problem, Estimated 15-20k upon completion. 

Seraphic (Hallowed Incorporeal Entities) Liaison Division, AKA: S.H.I.E.L.D., Estimated 20k+ upon completion. 

Misadventures in Solitude, Estimated 10k+ upon completion.

Part I: The Space Between Us, Estimated 15-20k upon completion.

Fairytale Winteriron AU HC, Estimated 15-20k upon completion.

GOT WIP:

Manual for Spaceship Westeros: Robb/Theon; Space Colony Au! There is tension between the loose planetary alliance that calls itself Westeros. Robb Stark, as the only full-blood Stark son of age, is sent to negotiate a stronger alliance with Iron Born, a terrifying clan who has made a small water planet habitable through the genetic modification of its ancestors, sweat, and blood. Robb arrives to seek an audience with The Greyjoy and make his offer- the hand of his sister Sansa. But The Greyjoy deems this insufficient and Robb quickly finds himself on the offering plate. Current WC 2k.

Completion WC Estimate: 20-25k

Stranger Things & Supernatural: 

Billy Dean Was My Lover (working tongue in cheek title): main pairing Steve/Billy (possibly Steve/Billy/Dean?); Billy/Dean; crossover plot-ish fic! When his dad called and ordered Dean to pack up Sam then head for the Midwest, he didn’t ask questions. Apparently, strange things were happening in small town Indiana; which was usually a Winchester’s bread and butter. Yet even Dean and Sam aren’t quite prepared for the kind of strange Hawkins has, especially with John failing to meet them at the town’s motel. But there was something even more surprising than the super-powered teenage girl and a whole new world of monsters... 

Hearing the name of Dean’s tape-swap penpal out of some preppy, polo-wearing guy’s mouth. Current WC 1k.

WILDCARD, AKA: ANY HC/PROMPT FOR THE ABOVE PAIRINGS AND FANDOMS LISTED.

If you like my writing but aren’t into the WIPs here, I will write a fic that is a minimum of 10k for any character, ship, platonic pair, for any of the fandoms listed above. I’m also happy to write for material/canon I know but that isn’t listed above. If I know it well enough, I’ll write it for you! (Exception being RPS.) Just message me if you’re curious and I’ll confirm that I’m familiar with the source material. :)

Starting Bid: $10

Creator Notes:

Like my fellow mod, Mei, I am willing to work my winner's likes into my stories and am open to brainstorming sessions!

Feel free to email me to learn more about any of the WIPs stories and if you like, I will give you my Discord handle. I am willing to work with my winner's pairings as long as they don't fall into my DNWs. For Marvel the only two pairings (of the ones I am most familiar) that I just cannot see romantically/sexually are Clint/Natasha and Bucky/Steve.

Current Bid Spreadsheet: Here.

Please check what the current bid is at before bidding.

Bids might take a few minutes to load.

Bidding ends on November 28th 11:59:00pm CST. The highest bid before that deadline will win the auction.

Bidding Form: Here.

Please check the Bid Spreadsheet and bid higher than the previous bid.

You will not be notified if you have been outbid. Only the winner will be notified after bidding ends.

___

Auction #2

Type of fanwork: fanfiction

Fandom: Marvel, DC, Stranger Things, Game of Thrones, Supernatural, Mo Dao Zu Shi/The Untamed, (honestly, just email me if you like my writing... if I know your canon, I'm probably down)

Pairing(s): I'm a multi-shipper who loves underdog/rarepairs, existing WIPs are for Winterhawk, Winteriron, Winterironhawk, Robb/Theon, Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington/Dean Winchester. Platonic/grey-ace pairings welcome!

Character(s): there isn't a character from any of the canons listed that I won't write

Rating: General, Teen, Mature

WIPs/Prompt:

Literally the same as Auction #1!

Staring Bid: $10

Creator Notes:

Like my fellow mod, Mei, I am willing to work my winner's likes into my stories and am open to brainstorming sessions!

Feel free to email me to learn more about any of the WIPs stories and if you like, I will give you my Discord handle. I am willing to work with my winner's pairings as long as they don't fall into my DNWs. For Marvel the only two pairings (of the ones I am most familiar) that I just cannot see romantically/sexually are Clint/Natasha and Bucky/Steve.

**In the unlikely event that both winning bidders want the same fic and you don’t want any of the other WIPs listed, I will offer up a fic of equal or greater length for whatever HC you desire. Within, of course, the same DNW parameters listed above. This includes the Wild Card option!**

Current Bid Spreadsheet: Here.

Please check what the current bid is at before bidding.

Bids might take a few minutes to load.

Bidding ends on November 28th 11:59:00pm CST. The highest bid before that deadline will win the auction.

Bidding Form: Here.

Please check the Bid Spreadsheet and bid higher than the previous bid.

You will not be notified if you have been outbid. Only the winner will be notified after bidding ends.

[vergilthelibrarian]

Alternative Reality.

Part 2 to What If which is just a prologue. Yes, this is Yandere Jongin (I know how original). I don’t know where I’m going with this but yeah.... Enjoy!

You woke up, clutching your chest, breathing hard and shallow.

You the same nightmare again. Of a man covered in blood, a knife in hand, cooing at you about how much he loved and needed you. It freaked you out.

Why did you keep having the same dream? What was the point of it? Was it a warning from some God or was your mind simply playing tricks on you? You couldn’t tell anymore.

Sighing, you got out of bed and went to open your window, the heat from the radiator causing you to sweat. Closing your eyes at the rush of the cool winter air that met your face, you began calming your breathing.

Once you were calm, you opened your eyes, planning to go out to the kitchen for a cup of tea only to tilt your head as you noticed a shadowy figure staring at you. Your breathing became faster again and you gulped nervously.

Was it a demon? You have been off of your antipsychotic meds as you were simply to lazy to go out to your pharmacy to pick them up so it wouldn’t be a surprise to you if this was another psychotic episode you were having.

“Hello?” your voiced squeaked out. You knew it was a dumb idea to do that but you couldn’t help it, you weren’t thinking straight.

The shadowy figure then turned around and, in your eyes, seemed to have floated away once it heard your voice.

Shaking your head, deeming it a hallucination from not being on your meds, you made a mental note to pick up your medication in the morning.

~~

Once again you woke up, this time not from a nightmare. Yawning, you got out of bed, scratching the back of your head as you walked to your body length mirror to look at yourself. You had gotten top surgery 2 months ago and oh boy did you love your new chest. Your scars met in the middle of your chest but you didn’t mind. It still amazed you how much your chest looked normal in your eyes, how it looked and felt right.

After admiring yourself for a bit, you went to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

You took a shower, brushed your teeth, did your hair, took your antidepressants and your hormone shot and went back to your room to get dress. Once you were dressed, you decided to grab an apple and bottle of water as you were too lazy to even make a bowl of cereal and left your apartment to go to school.

It was your 3rd year of college and you were happy that your college journey will soon be over. Though you were thankful to be going to school for psychology, you hated waking up in the morning everyday but you had to do what you got to do if you wanted to succeed in this life.

As you walked, you bit into your apple, taking a look into your scenery. Ever since you’ve been having that same nightmare, you’ve been paranoid that someone was watching you. You told your therapist but all she suggested was taking a different antipsychotic medication which you didn’t want to do.

You sighed in relief once you made it to the train station. Swiping yourself through the turnstile, you waited patiently for the train to come when suddenly a young man walked up to you.

“Umm, does this train go to Hunter College?” he asked nervously.

You nodded your head.

“Yeah. Do you go there?” “Y-yes. I’m here from Korea. I’m an exchange student.” “Really? That’s cool. I go to Hunter too.” “Is that so? What are you majoring in if you don’t mind me asking?” “Psychology. I wanna become a psychologist in a prison and work with criminals.” “Wow… Um uh, my name is Jongin but my American name is Kai.”

“Oh, I’m y/n. Nice to meet you Jongin or Kai haha!” you laughed, sticking out your hand out to give the tall man a handshake.

Jongin smiled, taking your hand into his and shaking it. You noticed how warm his hand was. You also noticed how handsome he was too.

“So uh, Kai. What is it you’re majoring in?”

“Dance.” “That’s pretty cool. I’m not really much of a dancer.” The train soon pulled into the station and the two of you got on, continuing to talk and getting to know one another.

Kai was two years older than you and was an exchange student from South Korea. After taking some years off to think deeply about his major, he started college later than most. You asked him why he chose Hunter instead of Colombia or NYU.

He shrugged.

“I don’t know to be honest.” “If I was you, I would’ve chosen NYU but I’m broke as fuck. It’s why I went to a CUNY school instead.” He laughed a bit before asking, “What’s a CUNY?”

You two talked as the train went to the college, pausing the conversation once the train got to the destination.

Walking to the school, you noticed how immediately comfortable you were with him, forgetting all about your paranoia.

“Hey y/n!” you heard and turned around, recognizing the voice.

“Johnny! What’s up?”

“Eh, the usual.” Johnny glanced at Kai.

“Who’s this?” he asked.

“This is Kai.” you said. “Kai, this is Johnny.”

The two exchange hellos before Johnny tagged along, starting up a conversation with you.

You noticed how quiet Kai became but chalked it up to him being nervous with being new and all.

Then you heard another voice call your name. This time it was your other friend Chittaphon or Ten.

“Oh? Hey Kai.” Ten said, surprise in his voice.

“You know him?” you asked and Ten nodded.

“Yeah. Remember that day I had to go to school? It was because my dance teacher wanted me to show him around campus.”

“Ah.”

“Hi Ten.” Kai said and soon the two strike up a conversation of their own.

“So y/n… You think Kai’s cute?” Johnny asked loudly causing you to choke on your water.

“Why would you ask that?! And loud at that!” you coughed out.

Both Ten and Kai laughed as you playfully punched Johnny’s arm.

“Ow! I was just asking a question!” “Well.” Ten started “Do you find him cute?” “Uh… why are y’all putting me on the spot like this? It’s the first day of school goddamnit!” you whined, pouting. You turned to Kai. “I do find you handsome and really nice.” you then looked at both Johnny and Ten. “There, are you guys happy now?” you huffed out before speed walking away.

“Y/n, wait up!” Johnny yelled out, catching up with you.

Ten shook his head.

“My friends are idiots…” he said sighing, “But I love them.” He turned his head to look at Kai. “Come on. We’ll walk to class together.” he smiled.

~~

Kai’s P.O.V.

Kai heart fluttered as he thought about what had happened that morning.

You called him handsome.

Him.

He felt his cheeks heat up as he thought about you. You were on his mind all day long, he couldn’t stop thinking about you.

He bit his lip, trying to contain his grin.

You didn’t remember him but he remembered you.

You see, when you were 12, you made yourself an account on some random penpal website, wanting to make friends. Kai came across your profile, this was when you were still a girl, and started talking to you, thinking you were really cute. He didn’t know much English and you didn’t know a thing of Korean but somehow, with the power of google translate, you both talked and got along. Kai felt his heart speed up whenever you would message him. Whether it be talking about something good or bad, he loved talking to you.

Then one day, you deleted your profile and Kai was devastated and he did what any cat who was too curious for their own good would do. He searched you up. He remembered you say you had a Facebook account your parents didn’t know about and searched you up there.

Low and behold he found you but instead of making an account himself and talking to you once more, he instead opted to watch you. He watched you grow and changed, figuratively and literally and as he watched you on more of your social media, he noticed how in love he was with you.

He wanted to hold you, protect you, love you. He wanted you… So when you decided to go to Hunter College he set out a plan to get you, studying English the best he could, preparing for the day when you two would finally meet in person.

You didn’t remember Jongin and to him, that was okay because in the end, it will be easier for him to have you all to himself

[lovelybrittxo]

where do I even start?

I’m literally only writing this for myself since typing a whole novel out on the computer is way easier than writing this in a physical journal which is what I normally do. I come to Tumblr though when I have way too much to say and don't know how to say it. I just need to get it off my chest before I blow up. so here it goes...

shall we start at the beginning? I grew up in a decently religious household. my mom, sister and I went to church almost every Sunday with all our aunts and uncles. don't get me wrong, I still believe in God and whatnot and I wouldn't change my upbringing in the church for anything. but it may have suppressed my views on the world. something my aunt said to me a few years ago has stuck to brain ever since and I can't seem to shake it. she told me that she actually believes that being gay is a sin and that you can love the sinner but not the sin. so like, she believes if you're gay, you can be gay but don't act upon it/the sin. she believes, for example, that being trans is a mental illness. like, I just can't wrap my head around that. and honestly, she spoke with so much conviction and “sense” that she actually had me fooled to think the same way for a hot second. and then to learn that my other “cool” aunt also believes this... kinda sad. both of those aunts have literally talked down upon family (and our family is very tight knit) and people they love... what would they do if they ever found out about me?

ive felt a lot of feelings ever since I was young. mostly towards males... but also towards females. I just thought the female part was me wanting to be like them or be their friend and just have them like me and accept me as a chill person to be around. but fast forward to a couple years ago. I was bombarded (in a good way) by social media flaunting (in a good way lol) different sexualities and things. its hard to describe but that “world” was just becoming more prominent to me I guess.

I started to try and put my religious upbringing in the background so I could focus on trying to figure out who I really was. ive been doing this for at least a couple years now. and although im still trying to really figure it out, right now half way through 2020, I think im getting closer to an answer. and guess what has helped me the most? tiktok lmao! no but for real, the internet is an amazing place for discovery in any form. after I started to get into real communities online (like kpop and penpaling) i’ve never felt more connected to the internet and it allowed me to try and find real personal help... if that makes any sense. i’ve just tried to put myself out there and not just google my feelings but piece together a map from asking real people over the Internet here and there to try and figure out who I am.

sometime last year (or maybe earlier) I found a YouTube video of a popular creator retelling her coming out story. I just randomly commented on the video about how I had been feeling, not to get a reply but just to comment. but then I actually got a real reply (not from the creator but still a nice person). they said something along the lines of me basically being bicurious. I had never in my life heard of such a word and I had thought that this person was just making it up. one google search later I found out it was a real thing. although at the time of first looking it up I was still very confused about the word... still kinda am? lol. however, just a couple weeks ago I had seen a post somewhere (an ad I think selling pride flags) saying there was an official bicurious flag. I was in shock. I thought it was a scam, but its not, it’s real (I just don't think it’s talked about very often cause it doesn't seem like a solid sexuality that you can claim your entire life). but anyway.

now what i’m gonna say next I don't want to come off in the wrong way (you nonexistent person reading this lol), but I feel like dating a trans person brought me into that “world” a bit more. like, i had literally never met anyone who was trans before him or anyone who was gay or used a they/them pronoun... never. but in his world, all of that was common and normal. and this is where I don't want to come off wrongly... I don't wanna make it seem like because I dated a trans person i’m qualified to be included in the LGBT community now or to talk about LGBT stuff or whatever. I just think because I dated him, it opened up my shallow world a bit. especially because he’s open about it (on a side note I always loved looking at his huge trans flag above his bed. that was the first flag I had really ever memorized because of him. besides the rainbow one obviously lol). like, his best friend uses they/them pronouns, and although i’ve always been aware of that, i’ve only ever seen things about it through YouTube videos and whatnot. I had never had to actually use those pronouns for anyone I knew in real life until I met his best friend. like, everything I knew about that “world” had only been through online researching/consuming. i’d never experienced it in real life before.

I remember one night we talked about it a little. I knew he was bisexual and so I asked him if he’d ever dated a guy. he asked me if I would ever date a girl and i just said that I had always thought about it and that my tinder profile was set to find both genders. then we talked about pride since it was at the beginning of quarantine and we didn't know if parades were still gonna happen or not yet. he said I could always go as an ally because I told him I felt ashamed and like I shouldn't be allowed to attend a pride parade. (of course he reassured me I can go and he wasn't shocked about me liking both genders at all...he just said ‘nice’ lol)

I still have a little inkling in the back of my mind that I still shouldn't be able to attend though. honestly because I don't know what I would be attending as. I feel like an imposter. I don't want people thinking that im doing all this for attention or just because I dated one person in the LGBT community. i’ve been struggling with this for so long... but it just so happens that now at 27 years old im coming to terms with who I am. I just feel like because I didn't figure it out earlier that I’m not “worthy” of being included. I feel like such an outsider because no one’s “invited” me in yet lol because im still trying to figure it out.

and on the same note, I don't feel like i’m worthy because I still really don't have a solid answer. at the moment I just use bicurious because ive never dated a girl before. the trans guy ive been talking about has been the only person i’ve ever been romantically involved with. im serious. I made it 26 years without being with anyone in any type of way. I feel like I don't have the right to call myself bisexual. however, I feel a tiny bit more confident in using that label maybe after I do end up dating a girl in the future and not feel guilty about using it because that same guy calls himself bisexual but told me right out one day that he’s way more attracted to girls than guys and im in the same situation but opposite. the only difference at this point in time is that he’s dated both and I haven't. but thennnn on the other hand, do I even need to label myself at all right now??

even if I did wanna come out, I don't wanna do it until I really have a solid answer about my identity. i just feel like such a fraud or something because im trying to figure it out so late. and like, im going so over the top with my support this year because I feel like I should fit in and maybe im trying too hard? again, I just don't want people thinking its because I dated one trans guy and all of a sudden im huge into the LGBT community. it’s not like that. all of this is just helping me bring out my true self. ugh this is the part where it gets confusing to put into words. i’m aware and I have pure intentions. im just trying to figure out myself after a long time of trying to figure out myself lol

some days the research is overwhelming. there's so many facts and opinions and different people’s stories and labels. as crazy as it sounds I just want someone who’s been gay their whole life to come up and tell me “yup, your bisexual no doubt” lol or something like that. I guess I just want to be validated in my exploration. and i’ve seen random tiktok comments saying stuff like that, that validates me, but the difference is that their comments aren’t directed specifically to me. they don't know me personally. it’s hard to have a random social media comment resonate with me. honestly, and this may sound selfish and not right, but when I was talking to the guy I was seeing, I almost wish he just told me straight out what I was that day. but instead he said I could go to Pride as an ally. and that was probably just him being respectful and not forcing me to be anything, but it almost had the opposite effect on me. by saying I was an ally it felt like he was giving me that permanent label even after telling him I like guys and girls.... ya know?

something recently happened to me that really stuck with me and I was so happy. I have a penpal who is very southern Texas raised religious. she knows the Bible better than I do. I had posted a Pride doodle I did on my Instagram at the beginning of this month and she was the only one who personally responded with an encouraging and supportive dm. if she can support whole heartedly the LGBT community and still love God, then why can't I?? and that's when I trulyyyy knew that I was right and my aunt’s were wrong and I wasn't going insane lol

I wanted to buy a bicurious or pride flag recently. but then was torn when I saw the ally flag (which I also didn't know existed until recently) and the bisexual flag. I know they're just flags but it feels so solid?? like you buy one when you know what you are.... and I don't yet. so I ended up not buying one at all :/

again, there was no purpose to this post because I know no one is going to read it but I just had to type it out into the world so I didn't have to bottle it up anymore.

[artisticflutter]

AU Yeah August - Day Twenty-Five: Penpal

So I spent all of yesterday (again) writing something unrelated to AU month, but it’s done so I shouldn’t have more delays like it. Just the normal ones where I’m gaming or drawing, or suffering existence lol.

Series: Persona 4 x Trauma Team Rating: G+ Genre: General Pairing(s): Alyssa and Nanako Summary: Alyssa and Naomi go to visit her penpal that lives in Japan. Warning: No beta!

The number of hoops Naomi had to bother leaping through in order to make this work was ridiculous. However, that tends to happen when a Government makes an ass of themselves and didn’t want to admit their own error. Same could be said about the medical board, but they tend to be either or for other reasons. Still, their decisions were also part of the Government’s directive so they could be jackasses in this case too.

 Fortunately, she had experience with plenty of people like that now. And she would put up with them if it meant giving Alyssa this trip.

 It had begun as an assignment for school. Her class would be given a penpal somewhere in the world and receive correspondence thus helping improve her writing skills while helping improve her penpal’s English.

Alyssa’s penpal was a young girl named Nanako Dojima who lived in a small town called Yasoinaba. From what Naomi had been told – and from the backs of various letters she’d seen – the young girl was very much like most girls her age in Japan which was very modest, polite, and sweet. Naomi recalled herself being that way, and then high school happened with everything cascading after.

 Well, hopefully, her father was prepared for that phase.

 Back to the matter at hand, after months of letters and emails back and forth, Alyssa came to Naomi and asked if they could go to Japan and meet Nanako. There were a number of concerns Naomi had with that; chiefly how meeting someone in person might actually end their friendship, and trying to travel back in general. The doctor might not be on the ‘no fly’ list, but there’d been a whole show made of her deportation from her birth country. She didn’t want to go and beg the government for their permission – not when she did nothing wrong to be deported in the first place.

 It was nice sometimes to have friends in high places sometimes.

 Of course, getting them to relent came with a slight stipulation: One, she would be monitored by a local officer, and two, she would not perform any medical operations.

 Simple enough; annoying, but simple. Almost worth the tacked on apology.

 The train exiting the tunnel, Alyssa was practically bouncing in her seat and pointing. “Naomi, Naomi, look! That sign says ‘Yasoinaba’! We’re almost there!”

“So we are, Alyssa,” she replied, smiling. “Let’s sit down before the train arrives. We don’t want to fall over now.”

“Hehe, okay…!”

 The bubbly girl dropped back into her seat and straightened out a few wrinkles in her dress, checking her eyepatch last. Meanwhile, Naomi looked over their luggage again, making sure they had everything. This would only be for the rest of summer – it would be fine. She would’ve liked to know the name of the officer that was going to watch her in the meantime, but it really did appear to be a small place; they would meet when they arrived.

The train slowed and the intercom blared to life, chirping their arrival to the Yasoinaba Station. When they reached a complete stop, Alyssa shot back to her feet. Normally, Naomi would probably scold her, but the cart was practically empty – she was in no danger of running into anyone. Gathering their belongings, Naomi handed Alyssa her suitcase before they both made their way off onto the platform itself.

 Looking around, Naomi hummed. There was something about a rural city that…

No, wait… there was something odd already about this place.

 “Excuse me…”

 She turned her head sharply, startling briefly the man that had approached her. Taking a second to look him over, she noted the dark hair with some graying flakes, the stubble around his jawline, and his loose tie. Why bother wearing a tie if they weren’t going to do so properly? But she stopped herself from fixing it in order to meet his eyes again.

 “Yes?” she asked, placing a hand on Alyssa’s shoulder as the girl held onto her waist.

“Are you, by chance, Kimishima?”

“… I am.” Her eyes narrowed slightly, wary if he turned out to be with the press.

 However, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a badge. “I’m Detective Dojima. I’ve been assigned to watch you during your stay. I told them it would be a conflict of interest at the department, but…”

“I suppose they considered it more of a convenience…” she finished, sighing. “I understand the thought process, but I don’t approve of it.” She was also quite wary of what the intention might be.

“Yeah, I don’t either,” Dojima sighed, shaking his head. “Anyway, I’ll give you a ride to where you’re staying so you both can settle in. There isn’t much to do here.”

“That’s fine. I think it’s better Alyssa meet her friend in a quieter settling…”

 But she wondered how long things would remain quiet for them.

[etudier-avec-bella]

Studying a Language with your Degree?

Life is all about balance, and as someone who is passionate about learning, I like to try and dabble in many different areas of interest as I can. My extracurricular activities are just as valuable to me as my academic studies, because I believe it’s important to have things in your life that are productive without feeling like hard work. Things we enjoy engaging in that help us to enrich our lives outside of our main education pathway.

Whilst I don’t think I’ve ever formally stated it on my blog, I actually study French alongside my Chemistry degree with my university’s languages scheme. You might be thinking ‘Bella, what are you doing? Isn’t studying Chemistry enough for you? You want to cause yourself extra stress by picking up a voluntary language module as well?’, and the short answer is… Yeah, I guess so.

But, I’m actually here to show why studying a language is a wonderful thing to do whilst you’re at university, and to show you how I keep up with French alongside my degree. On y a va!

Why study a language course alongside your university degree?

I could go on for a long time about the benefits of learning a language- so to save you the pain of my waffle-ish ramblings, here are the three main reasons I think it’s something worth considering:

It’ll be a highly valuable skill when applying for a job. Communication is a vital ability underpinning most, if not all, careers- especially moving up towards top positions within your chosen field. Speaking one language fluently is fine, but being able to speak multiple languages instantly makes you stand out from the crowd and offers you a much broader range of potential career pathways and opportunities.

Your brain will never take it in as well as it will now. Let’s face it, we’ll never have the same neurological elasticity we did as babies. But as young adults who spend most of our time occupied with reading, writing, and studying for our degree courses, our brains are much more likely to absorb and retain information than they will in five, ten, or fifty years’ time. The perfect opportunity to learn something new!

Because languages are beautiful. It’s about so much more than what you can see on the paper. You’re now privy to the origins of the things we say, and why we say them. The emotions that your mother tongue alone cannot capture. Being able to feel the meaning of a word, rather than just knowing it… Why wouldn’t you want to study something so wonderful?

How do I keep up with French alongside my Chemistry Degree?

So far, I haven’t found it too difficult trying to keep up with my language course by making good use of my independent study time. This term has been quite light in terms of lecture content and contact hours (~17-20 per week), so I took it as my chance to organise things and create a schedule for myself in order to ensure I stay on track with French for the rest of the year. It’s pretty easy to slip up and just ignore it if you aren’t strict with the extra work you do outside of class to solidify what you’re learning, so I’m thankful I came up with my system so early on.

Again, I’ll make this easy and state the main methods I like to use to study for French- these tips can apply to anyone studying any level of language qualification!

Quizlet: An absolute essential when it comes to committing vocabulary to memory! Quizlet recognises the language you’re learning and can read out the words you have typed onto the flashcards, allowing you to practise your ability to recall, spell, and write the word.

Doing your grammar: Yes, most people find it boring, but it’s a necessity if you want to speak fluently and with confidence. I would recommend buying/borrowing a grammar textbook for your level of study and doing extra exercises outside of your classes to help you better understand the concepts you’re learning.

Reading Comprehension: By exposing yourself to more written works in the language you’re studying, you’ll not only improve your ability to retain information, but also pick up lots of new vocabulary. So, read anything and everything you can. Books, blog posts, news articles,

Writing Practise: I like to consolidate the topics we cover over one term by writing a piece that includes as much of the vocabulary that we’ve covered. It’s an excellent chance to practise your spelling, recall your tenses, and make sure your grammar is as polished as it can be. It doesn’t have to be from your own perspective- I actually find writing articles/stories a lot better, as you get to practise more he/she/they/them conjugation, and it means you can talk about things you don’t have personal experiences with. Plus, it can be hard to talk about a topic that you feel pretty indifferent about…

Talk to yourself. Like a crazy person: It feels weird and uncomfortable at first, but it seriously does help improve your fluency and pronunciation. Whether if you just read a comprehension exercise out loud, or have a full-blown argument with yourself in the shower, it’s all good practise.

Yes, you have to put in hard work to see improvement, but there are actually some really fun, effective ways to improve your language abilities, too! Here are the ones that I find the most useful:

Podcasts/Music: It can be really tricky to find useful listening resources outside of the ones your teacher has access to, so a great way to get some practise in is by finding some music or a podcast in your language! For French specifically, I like Intermediate French Podcast by innerFrench. The guy who records them doesn’t translate what he says, but rather explains it in French so that anybody listening can understand regardless of their native language. Smart!

Put your chosen language’s subtitles on for your favourite TV shows: I can't tell you how much vocab I’ve learned from bingeing Glee with French subtitles. It’s a good way to quickly pick up new words, and a lot more enjoyable than just memorising them from your textbook. If you’re feeling brave, you could even change the spoken language of the show to the one you’re learning (if it’s available) and put on your native language subtitles for extra listening practise!

Find a penpal: Whether it’s writing a physical letter, or just sending a text to an online friend, speaking to someone in your new language will do absolute wonders for your writing and spelling abilities. Plus, making new friends is always fun, and proof that learning a new language brings people closer together!

Name the things in your immediate surroundings: This is a good one to do on the go, or when you’re stuck somewhere for a long time with nothing better to do. I find it’s an excellent way of procrastinating my other work, just sitting at mon bureau and noticing all of les stylos in ma trousse… Yeah, be careful with this one

I hope this has helped anyone considering learning a language in university, and maybe it even convinced some of you who weren’t thinking about it before to give it a go!

I’d like to add that you don’t have to sign up for a course if that isn’t an option (my department covers the cost for me because my degree includes a year abroad), and that you can do it just as successfully with any number of free resources available to you online.

Thank you for reading!