Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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one of the reasons i have more patience & affection for spuffy than for other m/f enemies-to-lovers ships in a similar mold is that buffy is under no illusion that she can fix that man. in fact she believes he is ontologically incapable of being fixed. he'll be like Buffy i can change and she'll be like You are literally not capable of doing that. then he actually does change and she's like. Wait you can do that??? Not sure how i feel about that to be honest
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Every time I hear about the cruelty of the genocide in Palestine I'm always baffled. Not by the logistics of it. I recognize that white western supremacist leaders value money and power over brown lives. They always have. It reveals itself in every political interaction.
But I guess... The lack of humanity always stuns me. How far detached do you have to be to be okay with this? To know what you're doing and do it, not even saying "oh well it's someone else" no it's YOU! YOU are the one committing these atrocities! How do you get there? I can't fathom what greed and privilege you have to have to be okay with this. To think that this is a "necessary evil". Even those who AREN'T going to benefit from it (i.e. white liberal voters) have convinced themselves of this. How do you do that?? How do you see live action the murder of tens of thousands (with the intent of millions) and not like... That shit don't bother you? It don't... Make you question that the leadership you're under, that the world you're in, is not the way it should be??
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A DPxDC soulmate au idea
So DCverse is a soulmate world (pick any soulmate way btw, words, touch, drawings on the skin, can't see color(s) until they see or touch them, etc etc)
DPverse doesn't.
Meaning Danny wasn't born with a soulmark BUT he gets one after becoming a halfa because he is now connected to the Infinite Realms.
SO its during another one of Vlad's schemes, he's popping into different worlds and stealing things or something like that (basically like that one ep where Danny chases Vlad through the timeline after he stole Frostbite's map)
During the chase they pop out into the DCverse in one of the hero cities (pick any, not picky on which) and their fight is getting a bit out of hand (Vlad's fault, he's using the stuff he's been stealing, and Danny is doing his best to getting innocent people from getting hurt)
ANYWAYS during the fight, one of the cities hero's come to try to help/find out whats going on when Danny is hit by Vlad and gets tossed at them. The moment they either touch or Danny/Soulmate says something to the other, Danny feels the odd mark on him burn up and is MEGA confused on whats going on but decides to do what he does best.
Ignore it for now. He'd figure it out later he still needs to stop Vlad.
He apologizes to the other hero and gets back into his fight, missing the look of complete smitten awe/shock said hero had on their face.
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yk when you see someone share a finished handmade item that they clearly spent a lot of time and money on and it's just. The absolute tackiest thing you have seen in your life. And then you ask yourself why someone would waste all those resources on such an eyesore.
(no, of course you can't relate to that because you're a much nicer person than me)
In any case.
BEHOLD!
A wool coat!
The top fabric is handwoven and handspun, the whole thing is sewn by hand, too.
Leftovers. Barely anything, all things considered, which is very satisfying.
This thing took me well over 3 years to make, on and off. And now I'm done.
Thank you for your attention.
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So with the growing support behind Kamala Harris, I've been seeing more of THESE:
Do NOT pay them any attention.
Not only are these posts incredibly ignorant, narrow minded and naive....if we lose our rights how can we help the seas abroad?? I ask this because I NEVER get a concrete answer.
Kamala Harris is PRO-Palestine whereas Trump said he would "finish the job".
So between an Accomplished Attorney NOT COP who jailed pieces of gutter shit like Donald Trump or a Convicted Felon known for being a scammer, failed businessman and rapist; pick your poison.
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