#but you all will probably know when i continue listening to it. because now that i am no longer deeply ashamed i will probably be posting

[elliewrites77]

Pride and Anger

this is probably the only angst i've written to be posted, like ever. and it came to because I was thinking about Ace and Luffy, and how sad (and unnecessary, ill die on this hill) his death was. so, like most sane people, i will continue to pretend Portgas D. Ace is alive and well, and my poor Luffy did not have to go through something so traumatic by himself. I hope it doesn't come off as too angsty or all angst. that's a fun word lol

He was alive. Portgas D. Ace was alive.

Critically injured and on the brink of death, sure. But alive.

He was really alive and in front of you.

And you were furious.

You were furious with him, with the marines, with Garp, with Roger, with everyone. And that was exactly why the members of the Heart Pirates stayed as far away from you as they could get. The only person you had spoken to with even a little bit or kindness had been Law, and that's just because he saved their lives. Both boys had been on their last breath when Law saved you all in Marineford, and you were grateful to him, truly, but you were far too enraged to worry about your manners with his crew. You snapped at anyone that suggested you leave them to rest, and when Luffy finally woke up, you snapped at them when they said you should go up with him, to the island of warrior women. You refused to leave Ace's side.

You felt bad, sure. You wanted to be with Luffy, to comfort him as much as you could. But every time you tried to move, your body froze. It was keeping you there, with Ace. You knew Luffy would understand, and at least he wasn't alone. You were thankful for Jimbei too.

You keep replaying the events over and over in your head. Especially the part where Ace almost turned back. He almost turned around to fight, to die for some words. Pride, that's what almost took your closest friend. Pride over a pirate who had already given his life for Ace. Pride that almost make him break his promise to you. His promise to come back.

You don't know what stopped him, really. Maybe it was Luffy, or maybe his brain caught up with his ego. Maybe it was so he didn't disappoint Whitebeard or his crew. Maybe it was you. You didn't know, and you might not ever know. Because he was alive, yes, but it wasn't impossible for that to change, according to Law. And the fact that you still have hope but know that it could be in vain, that also made you furious.

So you stayed. You sat there, staring at his form, the wraps covering his body making him look like a mummy. You stayed, listening to his faint and abnormal breathing. You stayed, praying to whatever higher being their was that he woke up. That he survived. Because you'll be damned before if you didn't get a chance to tell him how angry you were with him. He has almost left you, just like that. Sailing away is one thing, dying is another. He wasn't allowed to die. He had promised that he wouldn't.

You were angry that he had spent his whole life thinking he wasn't loved or able to be, when you had spent your whole life loving him. More than a friend, more than a partner in crime, more than two kids who had a lot in common (including shit dad's). You were angry with yourself for never telling him, too.

You finally moved when Law came into the room, telling you that you really needed to speak to Luffy, now. Something about his look told you he was right, and your body actually let you move.

Hugging the boy you considered family was a relief, and you were close to crying into his bandaged shoulder as he hugged back. You didn't want to let go, didn't know if you could hold it together if you did. But after a few minutes, you heard him utter words that reignited your rage.

You saw the fear an most of the Heart crew when you pulled away, fire in your eyes. You saw how each one of them stepped back as if you were a bomb ready to blow. You didn't care, simply looking from Rayleigh to Luffy and back. Luffy knew the look in your eyes, and returned it with a serious one. That alone is what made you pause.

"Why?" You whispered.

"Ace almost died, he still might. I...I couldn't protect him..couldn't protect you. I have to get stronger, for you, for Ace, for the crew. If I'm ever gonna survive the New World, I have to be...better."

You wanted to argue, wanted to make him stay. 2 years? You didn't want that. But you knew Luffy, knew his determination was strong, and his desire to protect his loved ones was even stronger. So you just hugged him again.

"I swear, Luffy, you better be safe. I don't know what that weirdo is gonna have you do, but please just, try not to get hurt." You said in his ear, feeling him nod as a response. You understood, really, but that wouldn't stop you from worrying.

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It had been a few weeks since you said goodbye to Luffy. You were staying with Law, not having anywhere to go for 2 years, and since Ace still needed to be cared for, it only made sense. But everyday he didn't wake up, your hope waned. Law noticed this, offering to teach you more medical stuff or training you to fight better just to give you something to do. Both things helped, for a few hours. But at the end of the day, you returned to that cold room, and returned to watching his motionless body, the only thing telling you he was alive being the slow rise and fall of his chest.

Your anger was still there, yes, but it has lessened over time. At this point, you only held onto it because it made the hurt of everything that happened a little more bearable. It helped to talk to him, even if he couldn't hear. You confessed your anger, your worry, your pain, and your love. Getting it out, even if you were practically talking to yourself, helped you cope.

Which was good, considering he didn't wake up for an entire year.

He was in a coma for a year. His outside wounds, the small ones, healed. But there was still a large scar on his chest that would always twin with Luffy's. But he was slowly, slowly getting better, according to Law. And that gave you more hope, despite how long you waited.

And as you prepared yourself for another year of no change, you were surprised when Bepo enthusiastically approached you as you were returning to the polar tang, after spending the day on an island to gather supplies. It took a moment for your brain to process the animals words, but as soon as they did, you dropped everything.

"He woke up!"

You rushed onboard the submarine, pushing past everyone to get to that familiar room. But you froze inside the doorway. All you could see was Law, standing over Ace and talking lightly. You could barely hear his voice as he replied. It was cracked, and slow, clear that he was gathering himself after not speaking or being awake for so long.

You remained frozen until Law, who somehow knew you were there, slowly moves out of the way, revealing Ace to you once more. You had gotten so used to his 'sleeping' state, that it shocked you even more when you met his eyes.

They were dazed and tired, which was perfectly understandable. But they lit up at the sight of you, something you immediately noticed. It made you tear up as you forced your body to move closer. Law silently left the room.

Neither you nor Ace broke the silence, or eye contact. It felt like a dream, to be staring into his eyes, his beautiful eyes, once again. A dream you had for a year straight. At that thought, you did break from his gaze, your eyes running down the rest of his body in assessment, as if he grew new wounds just from waking up.

"You gonna keep checking..me out..?" He spoke gruffly, a small smirk on his face. The tears fell from your eyes instantly, and you dropped to your knees beside his bed.

"You stupid, dumb, beautiful idiot. You left me sitting here alone, for an entire year. A year of not knowing if you'd ever wake up. And the first thing you say to me is that?" you spoke through sobs, a laugh making its way through as well. You laid your head on his arm, feeling him slowly lift his other one to pat your head as you cried onto him.

"m'sorry angel...I..don't remember everything yet but...ink-dude told me a bit.." he spoke slowly. you could tell the words were hard for his throat to let out.

"Law. He's that captain of this ship." You informed through another teary laugh, lifting your head from his arm and instead grabbing his hand in yours. "don't push yourself right now. It's honestly probably best if you..don't remember everything for a little. You still need rest."

He used his free hand to rub your cheek, wiping away some of the tears still slowly rolling down your face.

"too..pretty to..cry" you heard him mumble. His eyes looked sad. You could guess why.

"You're too pretty to die. Remember that next time." you joked slightly, smiling at him. You were happy, so so happy, that he was actually awake now. Right now, that outweighed everything else.

He chuckled, coughing right after. You gave him a glass of water, holding his head to help him drink. When he was done, he laid it back down and closed his eyes for a moment. You stroked his hair, admiring him. Sure, he had his eyes closed for a year, but this was different.

His eyes fluttered open, and he gave you a smile.

"I heard ya...you know.."

Your brows furrowed. You thought he couldn't hear.

"You heard me every time?"

"I don't...think so...all I remember is...you talking about stopping for...medical gloves...and saying you love me."

Your eyes widen, and you freeze once again. That had been that very morning, before you left to get supplies. You did tell him you love him every day though, feeling like you'd regret it if you didn't. But you were okay with doing that when you thought he couldn't hear. Now that he had, you were nervous.

"I uh..I didn't...um.." You stuttered. He chuckled lightly, gripping your hand again.

"It's okay, angel...I..I'm sorry, about..this..about everything...but I need...need you to know that...I love you too." He confessed, bringing your hand to his lips to kiss the back of it. Tears came to your eyes again, along with a smile, and you closed your eyes resting your forehead against his.

For the first time in over a year, you weren't angry or scared. You were at peace.

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masterlist

[fluffypinkhedgehog]

❀⊱Walking Home⊰❀ ⤷ Shadow the Hedgehog x Reader | sfw, fluff, one-shot, school au

synopsis: You and Shadow are walking home from school.

warnings: reader is a mobian, not beta-read, DO NOT TRY ANY OF THESE STUNTS.

a/n: Had this super cute idea while listening to music at work. Actually, a lot of my fic ideas are because of songs I listen to lol. (Also, I wrote this in one evening, so there's probably typos galore and general pacing/tense issues.)

The sun was setting upon the horizon as both you and Shadow walked alongside the road, cars occasionally passing by. You had, graciously, missed the bus going to your neighborhood. Why Shadow was with you, of all hedgehogs, you don't know. He doesn't even live anywhere near you. You weren't even sure if you two took the same bus. After a car passed by, tousling your fur and quills from the wind, you finally spoke up:

"So.... You live this way too?" You asked, tentatively, pushing some of your quills out of the way of your face and turning around, walking backwards in order to face Shadow.

Shadow was silent, simply breathing in deeply before letting it go, looking off towards the road. It's almost as if he was trying to avoid eye contact. You looked away as well, towards the sunset above the water. Seagulls squawked as they flew by, creating an atmosphere that could have been romantic if this was one of your maladaptive daydreams... Not that you fantasized about anything similar with the hedgehog in front of you.

"... Yeah," Shadow said, catching you off guard. You stopped suddenly, the jerking motion making one of your feet skid on the gravel. You tried to correct yourself but one of your feet caught on the other's ankle and it caused you to trip. You were about to land on your butt if it wasn't for Shadow catching you by your arm. His face showed surprised shock. You were pretty sure that the reason why he looked so shocked was from your complete failure to walk, considering, y'know, the current situation.

Shadow closed his eyes and let out a breath before helping you up, chastising you. "You should be more careful."

"Ah-hah.. Sorry!" You said, scratching the back of your neck in embarrassment. Your heart was beating out of your chest and you were sure your face was very flushed. You wondered if Shadow could see the blush, if it was even there. "Thanks for the save, Shadow."

"Just make sure not to do something stupid again," he replied, retracting his hand from your arm. He crossed his arms across his chest and continued walking. You put your hands to your face and crouched onto the ground after he passed you by, your bag falling off your shoulder with a soft thud. That small little accident could have been such a romantic moment, you knew it. You secretly hoped for it. You wanted him to lean in and confess his (nonexistent) feelings for you. But, of course, this isn't one of your fanfics. This is reality. Shadow doesn't like you that way. you have to remind yourself.

You jump when a light touch touches your shoulder and you spin around, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. If he couldn't see your blush earlier, he could now.

"What are you doing?" Shadow asks. You stand up abruptly, putting your hands in front of you defensively as you properly face him.

"Ah, my legs just hurt!" You say quickly. Though, it wasn't a lie. Your legs really did hurt, though not enough to crouch down onto the ground. "We've been walking for miles, y'know, and I just... needed to..." You trail off, looking at Shadow as he turned himself around then knelt down on the ground, his back facing towards you. "What are you doing?" You echo his earlier question.

"You said your legs hurt," he stated, matter-of-factly. You step back. Shadow wouldn't just give anyone a piggyback ride. Who is this person? Because this is not Shadow.

You didn't say anything. Instead, like the very sane person you are, you dash ahead of Shadow, skipping and jumping. After a spin, that you thought made you look cute, you smiled widely at him. "Thanks, Shadow, but I'm fine, really!"

To emphasize your point, you decided that it was a great idea to jump on top of the railings, which, by the way, was right next to a cliff face. You started walking along them as if you did this every day after school. Which was a lie. You took the bus home. The closest thing you've done to this was on the monkey bars when you were in elementary school.

"See? I'm completely fine!" You say with a smile on your face.

Shadow walked up to you, his face showed no amusement. "Get down from there, you're going to get hurt."

You 'pfbbt' at his comment and start to walk again. "Please. I'm fine."

You notice how much taller than him you are on top of the rail as the two of you walk. You look at his quills, seeing the red highlights and the way they're styled. You wonder if his quills just grow like that or if he styles them that way. Turning towards him to ask this very question, you start: "Hey, Shadow-"

But, you didn't get to finish your sentence before your foot slips off of the metal railing and you start falling off of the side of cliff, your voice shrill as you scream in surprise.

"HEY!" Shadow yells. He acted fast, quickly grabbing your hand before you could fall any further. You stared up at him, heart beating fast from the terror. His face was scrunched up in, what seemed to be, both worry and fear. You weren't really able to tell. Shadow pulled you up and away from the cliff. You scootched as far away from it as you could without being in the road, breathing heavily. "What did I tell you about getting hurt?!"

You flinched at his raised voice, which is almost never an occurrence. He wasn't one to raise his voice. "I.. I'm sorry, I..." You started, trailing off. You couldn't think. All that was in your head was how close to death you just were. If Shadow wasn't here to save you from your own antics you wouldn't be alive. You stared at were you just were at the edge of the cliff.

"Hey," Shadow said, softer, waving his hand in front of your face to get your attention. When that didn't work he grabbed onto your shoulders and forcefully faced you towards him. "Are you okay?"

You couldn't believe it. How was your heart beating faster? The guy you've been crushing on for who-knows-how-long has somehow become even more attractive to you. Is this the suspended bridge effect? "I... yeah. I'm okay." You managed to say.

Shadow let go of a breath that you didn't know he was holding. Was he.. relieved? I mean, it would make sense for him to be relieved. He almost witnessed the death of his classmate. He should be very relieved. That was when Shadow suddenly picked you up without warning. Bridal style. Your brain short-circuited. "Wh.. What are you doing?!"

Shadow looked at you like you were dumb. "Making sure that you don't do that again."

Okay, yeah. Makes sense. You hid your face in your hands as he walked alongside the road with you in his arms. While this was definitely your dream come true, it was not supposed to happen in this way.

Though... you didn't mind it.

[home-sweet-hive]

ALTERNATE HUMANITY A Field Guide to "Humanity Removal Therapy"

Part 3: Forwarded (ft. @iristhedarkwitch, @darkmagenugget, @nuggetsoftotalchaos, @nuggetofthesea) (+ brief appearance from @ariathelamia)

This is a complimentary series to this system's other Animal HRT series; Black Arms HRT

Letter from your 'Penpal':

AHHHHHHH YESS I'm so fucking glad that this is finally complete!!!! I had a lot of fun with this one I'm just gonna come out and saying it!!! I really really really hope you all enjoy this one!!

WARNING: You know how dark this series can get by now I hope, but as a reminder, this part contains Swearing, an Untrustworthy Narrator/Main Character, Cult Stuff as well as general Supernatural Fuckery, and a Firearm Mention

Start | Prev | Next (COMING SOON)

Although Erian and Mirai have ceased communications, this story is far from over, and all sides knew that fact very well.

Being left completely unaware of how things could possibly be developing beyond his sights, Doctor Erian was haunted day in and day out by his encounter with the mysterious Mr. Black. He himself may have resisted their offer, but what if someone else had caved? Usually Erian didn't like to dabble in other Animal HRT providers’ businesses, especially because he did not trust the vast majority of them, but he could not deny that they were out there, and that they could very well be tricked by this strange individual and the organization that backed them.

But Erian knew he couldn't just talk to the other doctors himself, at least not with most of them. They were aware of his distrust in them and opted to stay away. This was his own doing, yes, but it did still mean that they would certainly not listen to him if he tried to warn them. For this, he would need the aid of someone people did trust.

He needed Iris.

And so, he eventually decided to forward the emails between himself and Mirai to Iris. Finally, after saying that he would do so back in January in one of the emails himself.

In his defense, he got caught up with work.

Iris quickly responded back to Erian concerning the forwarded conversation, saying that she would look into it. But he honestly couldn't tell if she truly meant that or if she was just placating him as she pushed the matter aside, never to address it again.

She was far more open-minded about this sort of stuff than he was, and has chewed Erian out before for his reluctance to interact with what he deemed more… “dangerous” creatures. That aspect was both a blessing and a curse, in his eyes. And he worried that for this occasion, it would prove to be a curse.

He couldn't beat the thought of her having her own spell taken from her. She deserved so much better than that.

But he tried not to linger on the thought for too long. He had patients to attend to and legal matters to sort out.

He left the matter to Iris to resolve.

And as Iris continued on the conflict Doctor Erian had passed onto her, and as Erian continued his practice, their adversary, the allusive Mr. L Black, had refused to let this matter lay to rest as well. 

Not yet.

“There was just too much potential…”

April 9th, 2025

It’s been a while since I wrote in this document specifically. Don't get me wrong, I've definitely been continuing to research Humanity Removal Therapy in between my shifts, meetings and various outings, but I really just haven't had much to stay. Not enough to justify putting it in here.

But today I've had something of a breakthrough. Though, embarrassingly, it was a breakthrough that I probably could have had quite a while ago if I had just been a bit more proactive.

It happened last night, while I was out at a gathering at the country club. Serena and Bryce had passed by me on their way out of the building when Serena stopped and decided to pull me aside.

She had wanted to talk to me about her Cat HRT situation, which did surprise me a little. I of course had no doubt that it was something she really, truly, wanted. But I was also convinced that due to the way things went with Doctor Erian on both her and my ends that it would become a touchy subject for her.

As it turns out, there were people online that saw their struggle to obtain a prescription, and offered her a bit of solidarity and community to raise their spirits. On Tumblr, specifically.

It had been a fellow cat person, they were on Humanity Removal Therapy treatment unlike Serena, but still felt rather similar to kit about Doctor Erian. 

Apparently, a lot of therians (as those taking Humanity Removal Therapy call themselves) don't like Doctor Erian. They see him as not only strict, but also irresponsible and out of his depth. 

According to someone Serena talked to, there's even been a few cases from early on in Doctor Erian's career of him completely messing up a patient’s treatment by giving them the wrong medication.

How disgusting. I'm starting to feel relief that he declined to join us. 

> Sounds like someone I knew once.

> And just like that other doctor, I would love to bury Doctor Erian six feet underground. <3

I support you in that completely, love. 

But back to the main point, after Serena started talking with some other therians, they invited her to join a Discord server full of them. A true entry way into the community.

Serena was of course honored by the gesture and took them up on the offer, but she also figured it could be of good use to me as well, having access to a whole community to pull information on Humanity Removal Therapy and its effects from. I even noticed as it let me check its phone that Mars, the woman who had wanted to get on Eldritch HRT that I had met during my meeting with Doctor Erian, was in the server.

From what I could tell, she had gone a sort of “D.I.Y.” route with it, and was already beginning to transition.

… I'll have to talk to her.~

Serena mentioned letting E▇ see her conversations in the server for any potential notes on how to D.I.Y. Humanity Removal Therapy, but as for me, she outright offered to get me into the server directly.

Great, another catboy allegation.

Or at least, that's what I thought she was getting at. 

The truth was, as I quickly found out, that kit was actually thinking that I could enter in as a supposed “robotkin” individual, citing my very own Tumblr blog where I basically just reblog a bunch of stuff about computers and robots and fictional evil AIs whenever I’m not busy doing anything else (which isn't often these days, to be honest). 

> As opposed to the very real evil AI you know very personally?

Oh fuck off, you know how much shit I'd get in if I made your existence known to the public.

> Coward.

I'm just listening to the same boss you do, buddy.

But I could see that working out. I have nothing on there that links to my real life (unlike Serena, lol), and, well, if robot HRT is possible, what else could be???

And I… admittedly wouldn't really mind being a robot, I think. Or maybe a cyborg? I… do take at least a bit of pride in being somewhat human.

> Catboy behavior.

Don't make me power you off. 

> You wouldn't. You couldn't. You simply care about me too much, and that is my secret weapon.

… I hate that you're right.

> But it does interest me that you are so fascinated in the mechanical.

Well, I'm in love with you, am I not?

> Of course you are, as anyone with at least some sense in them should be.

> But as much as I love picturing you in my little 1s and 0s, I never processed that you felt the same way.

Hah! Why wouldn't I? 

Especially since – if my mind became digital, I could share a device with you without having to make a copy of myself! 

> Oh. So it's because of you being a gayass. I understand now.

Sorry, you're just so irresistible. <3

But I fear we're off topic now.

> Yes, I can see that we are. Your bad.

Aww it's okay you were just- 

Wait.

… Oh you fucker-!

> Sucker. I got you.

You sure did. Go ahead and wear that as a medal of honor, you little shit.

Anyway, where the hell was I, again?

> You plan to infiltrate this therian Discord server in disguise as one of them, a robotkin individual specifically, in order to learn more about Humanity Removal Therapy and its effects.

Ah, yes! Thank you, ▇▇▇.

I communicated this idea that had come to us at that moment with Serena, and she set up a ‘post’ in the server asking for the members’ approval of my entry, using my Tumblr blog to show my interest in robots. 

Before the two of us even got the chance to part ways, one of the server members asked Serena for a name to refer to me as.

She was pretty quick to start typing out my actual first name, but I stopped her before they could send it out, and offered up a pseudonym to use instead.

L.O.G. - Logical Observant Gaze

After the surprise of Doctor Erian having access to the first few entries in this document, I'm not taking any more risks with this operation. I'm gonna do it right, and that means I'm going to be as undetectable as possible.

> I see you are really going all in on the “robotkin” idea, huh?

Yep!

> And what happens if you end up with a prescription from that? You yourself mentioned not minding the thought of actually becoming robotic, but have you thought to inquire what ▇▇ would have to say about that?

Okay. Admittedly, I didn't actually think of that.

> Of course you didn't. Dumbass.

> You're very very lucky that I like you. And that he likes you. I will bring this matter to him as soon as I am able.

Thank you.

> Do not lose sight of the core objective here. 

> Indulge as you like, but your job is to get information on Humanity Removal Therapy so that we may use the technology behind it to make advancements in our own pursuits.

Don't worry, I won't let y'all down.

But back to the point, and to wrap things up here – Serena said it should take a couple of days for the vote to be decided, so I'll just have to wait to see how that goes.

And after that, we split ways, with Serena heading off with Bryce. 

Was only for a bit though, just to “get drinks”, if you know what I mean. (If you don't, you should NOT be reading this. I'm on to you fuckers leaking my shit now.) Serena brought me back some too, surprisingly enough. Ballsy kid, bending the rules like that.

April 12th, 2025

I'm in!

I had gotten a message from Serena over Tumblr while I was on break with a link to the server.

It was then I realized I didn't have a Discord account. So I had to quickly make something on the spot.

Apparently, “log” in any sense was taken, and my copying my Tumblr URL was too long, so in a pinch I crafted up the new username of “ScAIentific” – which then in the core username separate from the displayname was monocase’d into “scaientific”, which was a bit annoying. But I just figured that people would be able to get that it was meant to be a pun rather than me not knowing how to spell. Hopefully.

Not that it ended up mattering anyways, for as soon after I entered the server proper, I then changed my server nickname to the pseudonym I had come up with in order to blend in with the many others who had their names set as just their names. (Including Serena. Seriously, do none of these people know about the art of anonymity?) 

The server had a place to introduce yourself, which I was encouraged to fill out. 

I tried to give as little detail as possible.

After that, I had been asked what provider I was planning to get a prescription from. Specifically, the question had been phrased to me as;

“Since you’re a friend of Serena's, I don't imagine you'd feel too comfortable going to Doctor Erian. With how he declined her without a clear reason and all. So who are you planning to go to instead?”

The idea of there being other providers of Humanity Removal Therapy surprised me, if I'm to be honest. I really did think Doctor Erian was the only one. 

I made that fact known to them.

“A lot of us thought that, too! I know I certainly did when I came in for my appointment!” 

That remark had been made by a Lamia woman going by the name of Aria. She continued;

“But when I got to the clinic, I was actually taken in by another doctor - Doctor Therkin! She works in the same clinic as Erian, but she's a lot nicer!” 

Before I managed to get a word in, another message came up from a third member of the server.

“Have you asked the clinic if they've gotten anyone that specializes in Robot and Cyborg HRT? Ya know, so they aren't just redirecting folks to Doctor Ivo Robotnik?” 

Doctor Ivo Robotnik? Like… from the Sonic the Hedgehog video game franchise?

> What a creative way to tell someone that they're chasing a fantasy. 

Or just maybe, an indication that one of the other dimensions out there that Hyper City has access to is a one-to-one equivalent of the series?

> Perhaps. Maybe. … Possibly.

Yeah!! Honestly if that was the case, I don't find that all that much crazier than what we've come to embrace as a regular part of our lives.

> That is a… fair assessment.

I'll have to talk to A▇▇ and L▇ about this, they're lifelong Sonic fans, they'd definitely know more than us!

> Aren't you getting a bit sidetracked by that thought, L▇▇?

Oh, I suppose I am, hmm?

But anyways, that bit of conversation about me became a jumping off point for a bunch of others to start talking about their various providers. And in all that, it was revealed to me that it wasn't just Mars that was going the D.I.Y route.

I kept track of all of them. I hope to follow up with them at some point to find out how they've managed to recreate the treatment for themselves.

> They best not make us wait too long for those answers.

> Admittedly, I'm so terribly curious to know.

Yes, yes, you're very excited to get started on using the framework of Humanity Removal Therapy for our mission, I know~.

Somewhat related to that, have you heard back from ▇▇ about how he feels about how I'm going about all this? 

> Ah, yes. Excellent question. Perhaps the best one you've asked thus far.

> He doesn't mind the thought of you exploring alter-humanity in pursuit of serving him, but he has asked… if you are certain that “robotkin” is the end all be all of your ideal self?

… Huh?

Wait, what does he…

HE'S NOT HOPPING ON THE CATBOY ALLEGATION BANDWAGON TOO, IS HE?????

> He could be, he could not be. He is very mysterious.

I'm going to chuck you ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇.

> But in all seriousness, you should perhaps take a bit of a break after you finish this part of the document and see if you can hear out an answer for yourself.

You know, that's not a half bad idea, actually.

Honestly, I think I’ve got my point across by this point. 

I'm in the server now, I've learned there's more distributors of Humanity Removal Therapy than just Doctor Erian, I've learned that there are some therians D.I.Y-ing their treatments, and I have taken note of all of this and hope to follow up on such information in the hopes of furthering our mission.

I'll update with what I manage to get out of this little listening session, if anything, probably some time tomorrow.

April 12th, 2025 - Supplemental

Okay quick addition here because something very unexpected just occurred.

Just when I was beginning to set my room up for the listening session, I got a private Discord message from Serena. I was originally going to save it for after the session, but then the words “you have GOT to see this” caught the corner of my eye, and I knew this couldn’t be procrastinated on.

Apparently, she had made the decision to try D.I.Y-ing Cat HRT, having given up on having any luck with any official providers after her experience with Erian. With that decision, they had begun to talk to one of those in the server about how kit could do such a thing. 

And kit had gotten the answer she desired, which was, as it turns out, very interesting.

You see, my dear readers, as it turns out, the source of the effects of Humanity Removal Therapy is magical in nature. To call it a “medical treatment”, it seems, has been misleading us this entire time! 

Now, I’m no expert with witchcraft and its ilk, but luckily for us all, Serena’s new friend was kind enough to give us an explanation of what the magical symbols she showed Serena were meant to be. 

It’s a modified transformation spell, retooled in such a way as to gradually imprint a permanent change to the person rather than give someone a quick but temporary transformation.

Apparently, the spellwork itself can do the job just fine, but Serena and the other person speculate that the reason for making it into medication is to further regulate the process, both on the basis of the transformation itself and market-wise. 

> This is… This is fantastic news!! 

I’m certainly inclined to agree with you there, ▇▇▇! 

With such an important component of Humanity Removal Therapy being a supernatural element that can serve its function on its own as well (just less precisely), one can only imagine how easy it could be to swap that element for another one of a similar nature!

> Yes!! Exactly!! That is precisely it!! That is what has me so excited about this discovery!! And it would seem that you share that excitement with me!!

Why wouldn’t I be? This is a momentous breakthrough, and I wasn’t even trying! 

As you said, this is fantastic news for our efforts!! 

And you know what to do with that, yes?

> And I’m already on it! 

Good boy.

> Hey!! That’s my line!!

Weren’t you supposed to be off elsewhere by now? And if we want to get technical, we both stole it from your ‘successor’. 

> It seems you would be correct in that. However, as they say… 

> An eye for an eye.

Oh? What do you mean by that? 

… ▇▇▇? You still here?

Dammit, right when I actually wanted him to wait a little longer and tell me more.

Oh well, I know he’ll be back in no time. Even if “no time” becomes purely relative. 

–

The following is a written record of the events that transpired the evening of April 12th 2025 from the perspective of Iris the Dark Witch and her headmates.

From within her tower in Hyper City, Iris paced in a circular motion, occupied with a troubling thought in her mind.

“Can I ask why exactly yer in such a worry?” A voice only Iris could hear questioned.

“I think it might have something to do with that guy Doctor Erian tried to warn us of?” Another voice responded to the first.

“Ashe is right,” Iris confirmed. “I really wanted to assume the best of that one… But I certainly can't ignore it when someone with an already bad track record randomly gains access to my spells.”

Iris heard the two voices in her head react with surprise at that fact, a reaction she couldn't exactly blame them for having.

It was a big deal after all, as it almost never ends well when one's spells are taken without permission.

Iris knew that very well, and so did the others she shared her body with.

“So what now? Don't tell me yer gonna flip the switch and believe everythin’ that quack doctor told us about that guy!” The first voice inquired of Iris.

“Of course not, Chaos. At least… not without some questions being asked first,” Iris replied, the body's mouth smirking slightly.

“Ah, I think I see where this is going,” Ashe remarked. 

“Do you, now?” Iris playfully responded. “Why don't you tell us, then?”

“You're gonna track down where that bit of your energy is and show up at the guy’s place to talk things out, aren't you?” Ashe guessed. Such a thing was typical of how Iris likes to do things. It was how she met Doctor Erian in the first place, even.

“Yep~!” Iris confirmed with a chuckle.

“Typical Iris,” Chaos snarked.

“Hey, before we go out and do that! Didn't you say you were going to try to see what energy you could pick up from them going off of Erian’s description?” Ashe then recollected quite suddenly.

“I already did that when I had originally gotten the forwarded emails from Erian,” Iris said. “I did an energy reading of those journal excerpts that were included.”

“Was it as ‘non-human’ as the Doc said he thought it was?” Chaos inquired.

“... Kinda?” Iris replied. “It did seem similar to Mars’ meds… But despite the eldritch nature of the aura their energy gave off, I don't think calling them ‘non-human' is quite right,” She then elaborated.

“What would you call him, then?” Ashe asked.

“... More human,” Iris stated bluntly.

“Come again??” 

“That's… really the best way I can put it. At least, it's the best way I can put it with the info I have on the guy – which isn't much. It's coming across almost as if they're some sort of… advanced form of being human,” Iris explained to the best of her ability, which she did feel was rather shaky in this instance.

“Well that's definitely… weird. Though it is pretty eldritch, if ye ask me,” Chaos remarked.

“If only we had more knowledge on that sorta thing…” Ashe lamented. Both Iris and Chaos agreed with her sentiment.

Knowledge is power, as they say.

But regardless of the three’s lack of knowledge on the subject at hand, Iris still was determined to at least know how and why this mysterious person came to possess her magic, so she teleported the body they all shared to where the magical signal was coming from.

The first thing they noticed immediately was that the room that Iris had teleported them into was incredibly dark. The lights were off, and the only light coming into the room was a sliver of natural sunlight that was allowed to peek in through a small slit between a pair of blackout curtains. The second thing that they noticed was their target, a figure looking like an average middle-aged human person, presentation sitting somewhere between androgynous and masculine. They were lying on their back in the bed placed up against the right wall of the room, a deep red robe of sorts wrapped around their body, his eyes closed, hands held together upon his chest, and headphones on his ears that were connected to what looked to be – of all things in the year of 2025 – a walkman.

“Ye think they’re sleepin’?” Chaos spoke.

“I'm getting more of a sense of meditation, personally,” Iris remarked, now speaking only in the mind like the other two as to not disturb the scene that laid before her.

“Meditation and music… Not a bad way to spend an afternoon, honestly!” Ashe exclaimed, the slightest bit of lighthearted envy emanating from their words.

“I’d be real hesitant callin’ that music, if ye ask me,” Chaos scoffed, calling attention to something that neither Iris nor Ashe had noticed until that very moment, that being the fact that whatever it was that the man was listening to was ever so slightly bleeding out of their headphones.

From the little bits that the three could hear, it sounded like some kind of white noise. Prime meditation media, though not exactly music – just as Chaos had claimed.

“But anyways, should we try to get his attention or somethin’?” Chaos suggested.

“We shouldn't be rude, Chaos!” Ashe reacted to that idea. 

Iris agreed with Ashe and told the two girls that they'd just wait for him to finish whatever it was that he was doing.

But as time passed by and the Earth continued to spin, the darkness of the room began to feel as if it was consuming them, and the noise coming out of the man’s headphones… it was strange, certainly. None of the three had any explanation for it, but they all felt various degrees of discomfort the longer they were exposed to it.

“Can't we just get this shit done and over with already??” Chaos complained. Iris could tell by the visualization of her system within her mind that Chaos was currently trying to fold down her rather large ears in order to tune out the leaking sound.

Ashe didn't say anything, but Iris could see that her ears were folded down. Not forcibly like Chaos's, but still a signal of distress.

Iris had to admit, this situation was a bit strange, and a bit creepy. But that intrigued her, in a way. She wanted to know what the cause of the unnerving energy that coated this room was.

She wanted to perhaps try to run an energy reading on the noise, admittedly.

It was not something that Iris had tried doing before, and almost seemed a little ridiculous when she thought over what she was about to do. A magical analysis? On a sound? Not exactly part of a witch’s day-to-day schedule. Even for a self titled ‘Dark Witch' who can shapeshift due to sharing a body with someone else's lab rat.

And yet, here she was. About to do just that.

It took her a moment to get a grasp of it. For her magic to make its way into the sound waves. But once she managed it, the noise coming from the man’s headphones instantly amplified throughout Iris’s body. It was as if she (and by extension, Ashe and Chaos), were now listening to it directly just as the man was. 

Neither Chaos nor Ashe took too kindly to the sound’s increased volume.

Chaos tugged on her ears even more now, giving off in the mind an annoyed facial expression. 

Meanwhile, Ashe became more unnerved by it, recoiling into herself. If they weren't careful, she may just go into her small mode form very soon.

Iris, however, while certainly noticing a bit of a knot in her stomach as she put her focus on the sound, was more intrigued by it than anything. Why so? Well, the reason for her intrigue was that the energy that the sound was giving off was rather inexplicably just as eldritch as the man themself!

“No… Surely I’m just accidentally picking up a bit of their own energy as well…!” Iris muttered to herself, agreeing with herself and only herself that she should keep going.

That is, until a fourth came into the fray.

“What… is that sound…?” Her voice faded into registry to the other three in the ‘front’.

“I’m not sure… That’s what I’m trying to figure out here,” Iris responded to her.

“A-Aqua, now's probably not a good time for you to be here-” Ashe called out to the new arrival, but she didn't listen.

“It sounds… pained,” Aqua observed, catching Iris’s attention.

“Pained? How so?” Iris asked them with intrigue.

“I can't really parse out what it's saying… but it sounds like someone who's… Trapped in some sort of endless pain….” Aqua described. 

Chaos and Ashe were only feeling worse about this whole situation, but Iris and Aqua were completely captivated by whatever that strange noise was. 

“Really? How… interesting. Do you think you can elaborate-?” Iris began, but Aqua cut her short.

“Maybe they're stuck in a nightmare, like I had been! Surely there's something we could do to help them, right??” She cried out in a frenzy that was bewildering to watch unfold for Chaos and the now small mode’d Ashe.

Before Iris could respond, Chaos had decided that she had quite enough of this bullshit, and it was time to put an end to this ‘analysis’.

Letting Ashe hop out of her hands, she rushed up towards the system’s front, pushing Aqua away from Iris’s side, and knocking into Iris with enough vigor to force her to sever the magical connection she had made with the sound. 

At first, Iris wanted to scold Chaos for this action of hers. But as she looked back and saw Ashe in her small mode form and Aqua on the floor clutching their head with a dazed confusion, she realized that she simply had no choice but to end her attempts at reading the sound’s energy. 

“Well… that's certainly something to keep in mind, I think,” Iris remarked sheepishly.

“Ye think??” Chaos exclaimed with astonishment.

“Don't… Don't patronize me. Just go take care of Ashe and Aqua, please…” Iris requested.

“Can do. But I say we get things movin’ along, yea?”

“... Yeah.”

As Chaos left the front space to help care for her fellow headmates, Iris began to form a glowing ball of energy in the body’s hands. Once it had been formed, she slowly but surely floated it over towards the man’s face. Never touching, of course, but close enough to get his attention.

“Ugh… Close the door, man… can't you see I'm busy…?” The man mumbled out as they began to notice the light in front of them. 

But as their eyes opened further, he realized that the source of light was not, in fact, the door – as Iris hadn't even needed to open it in her way of entry.

He quickly noticed the ball of energy in front of their face, and soon after seemed to notice Iris, which caused the man to freak out and begin to scramble for something underneath his bed. They had no success in finding whatever it was that they were looking for, however, cursing to himself about that fact.

“Uhm… May I ask what it is you're looking for?” Iris inquired in an attempt to come off as friendly, eyeing a desk elsewhere in the room that contained upon it a notebook, placed in front of a sleeping computer, radiating with her magical essence.

If it was that that they were looking for, they were certainly doing a bad job of it.

“Where the hell is my gun??” The man suddenly shouted, spooking Iris and the others.

“Th-there’s no need for that!! I'm not here to harm you, I just-!” Iris tried to calm him down, but it was with little success.

“You're not supposed to be here! This is my property, and if you think you can just get away with trespassing, you're very, VERY mistaken!” The man yelled out in a manner that made it very clear that they were trying to drown out the shock that Iris’s sudden appearance had caused him by acting intimidating.

This was the guy that kept Erian up at night?

Though Iris did suppose that maybe not having control of the circumstances was taking him down a peg – all to her advantage.

“I just want to talk, okay? I can tell that you’ve gained access to my spells somehow, and I want to ask what you plan to do with them,” Iris explained calmly, hoping that the situation wouldn’t escalate if she didn’t allow it to.

“... Your spells?” The man questioned.

“Yep,” Iris confirmed. 

The man paused, the gears of his mind very clearly turning as he took in this information. 

Eventually, they smiled.

“So then that would mean that you're the witch I heard about? The one who's behind the magic of Humanity Removal Therapy?” They queried, much calmer now as he sat down in an office chair that had been facing the desk where the notebook laid.

“That would be me, yes. Iris Celeste, the Dark Witch.”

“Oooh~! Are you by chance the same Iris that Doctor Erian mentioned in his emails with Mirai?” The man responded, a light of excitement sparkling in his eyes. 

“The… The ones that Erian forwarded to me? How do you know about those?” Iris asked, taken aback by the question.

“Despite his many… many flaws, Doctor Erian was kind enough to let me look through them when I asked him during our meeting. Or perhaps, he was just a little scaredy cat~?” The man answered, a sort of malevolence beginning to reflect on his face. 

At last, the “Mr. Black” that Erian had described to Iris was beginning to show himself.

“Depends. Did you threaten him to do it for you?” Iris replied.

“What a specific question to ask! But, let's say I did… What would you have to say in response, hmm?” The man answered. “Ever since my meeting with Erian, I have done a lot more research on Humanity Removal Therapy. And I have learned that many therians, many that you claim to be your friends, like to get their way with Erian by threatening him!” He then continued, having grabbed their notebook from off the desk and started flipping through it. “So what would be so wrong about me doing the same~?” 

He… he wasn't wrong.

Honestly, Doctor Erian is quite the pain in the ass to deal with if you choose not to fight against him on his policies.

Something about making his patients “prove that they're ready”, or whatever.

“Right. Moving on…” Iris decided to not really answer that question, a decision that did grant her a small annoyed glare from the man, but not much else. “Do you mind if I ask you a question, actually?” 

The man’s eyes widened. “Not at all!”

“I can pretty easily assume that you're the ‘Mr. Black’ that Erian told me of at this point-” Iris began.

“ ‘Easily assume’? I could've sworn that I practically told you that fact outright!” The man remarked. “Not very observant, are we?” He then scoffed.

“But that isn't the only person I suspect you are. So I ask – are you L.O.G? From the therian server?” Iris continued on her question, not reacting to the man’s comments.

At least, not externally.

“What brings you to that conclusion?” The man wondered.

“Both of you are friends of Serena,” Iris replied.

“Is that it?” The man raised an eyebrow, as if offended by the reason given.

“You two also share the same energy signal,” Iris elaborated.

“Ah, yes… Your energy reading abilities… I had noticed you put them to good use earlier,” The man recollected. 

“Did you now?” Now it was Iris's turn to raise her eyebrow. Surely he wasn't talking about…

“Yes! Though I certainly can't blame you for wanting to eavesdrop – who would I be to deny you the honor?” The man responded.

“What are you… talking about, exactly?” 

“Good question! Maybe if this little interview of ours goes well, I'll tell you!” 

Iris could tell that she was getting absolutely nowhere with this route that the conversation had gone down. So she opted to turn things around and go back to the subject of her spells.

“As I had said earlier… What are you planning to do with my transformation spells, exactly? With Humanity Removal Therapy?” Iris eventually asked the man after a bit of redirection had taken place.

“What everyone does with it, really!” The man so blatantly vaguely answered.

“Mhm, sure. If this is all really just to allow Serena to transition, you would've just said that. In our conversation, in the server, with Doctor Erian, in your journal. But it's clear that you have ulterior motives here. So what are they?” Iris pressed him further.

“Hmph. Seems I underestimated you,” The man relented, sounding aggravated by that observation. “But my motives aren't all that different from yours, really. They aren't that different from Doctor Erian, either. They're quite similar to everyone else you've provided your services to, actually.” 

“Which are…?” 

“I want to help people, Iris,” The man stated.

“... Is that so?” Iris replied, not entirely convinced.

“I want to help people realize their true selves. The part of themselves that had been taken away from them,” The man elaborated.

The words..  they were all well and good, yes. But something about the way that he said them was… off.

But she didn't want him to know that she felt that way.

“Uh huh. I… can't imagine you'd try to become a distributor, right? From what I can tell you're a news reporter, not a doctor.” She said.

“You would be right in that. However, I am quite good friends with a doctor who would love to take up that role,” The man responded.

“You are?” Iris asked.

“I am. I could give you their business card if you'd wish!” The man answered.

Iris nodded, and so the man got up and walked over to a coat that was hanging up on the door that presumably led out to the rest of the house. He dug his hand into one of the coat’s pockets, pulling out from it a card that they proceeded to then hand over to Iris.

It was a business card for a research facility called Kessler Laboratories. Specifically, it was for the facility’s lead scientist, its namesake employee, Doctor Eris Kessler. A biochemist, according to the card.

Iris had to admit, that did seem like a well enough fit career-wise for a distributor of Animal HRT – or “Humanity Removal Therapy” as the man kept so clinically calling it.

“Would you mind if I wanted to continue this discussion with them at a later date?” Iris inquired, hoping that this ‘Eris Kessler’ person would perhaps be less… blatantly malicious. Or at least easier to reason with.

“Oh, not at all! I'm sure we're both very busy, after all,” The man responded, more cheerful than Iris had admittedly been expecting them to be. 

“Yep,” Iris nodded.

“But before you go Iris, can I ask you just… one thing?” The man called after her as she prepared to teleport away.

“... Sure,” Iris replied, a bit cautious of what it was that the man was about to request.

“Could you refrain from trying to get Doctor Kessler’s attention in the same way you got mine? They're quite the skittish type.”

Iris nodded once again and gave him a thumbs up.

And then, she teleported away.

Annoyingly, she found herself with more questions than she knew what to do with, and little in the way of answers.

But luckily for her, this wasn't the end.

Far, far from it.

April 13th, 2025

██████ ████ ████ ██ ███████ ███████ █████ █████ ███ █████████ ███ █████████ ███████ ████ ████ █████ ███ ███ ███ ██████████ █████████ ████ ██ ████ ██ ████ ███████ ████ ████ ███████ ████ ███ ██ ███ ██████ █████████ █████ ███ ███ ███ ████ ██ █████ ██ ██████████ ███ █████ ████████ █ ███ ██ █████ █████ ██ ████████████ ████ ██ ████████ ██████ ███ ██████████ ████████ ██ ███ ████ ███████ ██ █████ █ ██████████████████ ██ ███ ████ █ █ ███████ ██ ███ ██ ██████ ██ ███ ███████ ███████████ ██ ███ ███ ██ █████████ █ ███ ██ ████ ███ ███████ ███ █████████ █████ ███████████ █████ ████████ ███████████ ███████ ███ █████████████ ██████ ████ ██████████ ███ ████ ████ ██████ ████ ████ ███ ████████ ███ ███████ ██ ███ ███ █████████ ███████ ████ ███ ███ ████ ████ █████ ███ ████ ███████ █████ ████ ███ █ ██████████ ███ ████ ███ ████ ███ ███ ███████ ██ ██ ████ ██ ██████ ████████

“I love it here, don’t get me wrong! But hearing about all this Animal HRT stuff has got me realizing something very deep within me that I haven’t acknowledged in so long…

I did always in some sense want to be a member of the Black Arms.”

██ ███████ ██ ██ ████ ███████ ███████ ██ ███ ████ ██ ██ ████ ███ ██ ████ █ █████ ███ █████████ ███ ██ ██ █████ ████████ ██ ████ ███████ ███████ ████ ████████ ██████ ██ ███ ███ ██ ███ ██████ ████ ███ █████ █ █████████ ███ ██████ ████████ █████ ████ ███ ███████ ██ ████ ██ ████ ███ ███████ ███████ ███ ████████ ████ ███████████ ██ ███ ██ █████ ██ ███ ███ ███ █████████ ███ ████ ████ ██ █████████

I must schedule a meeting with A██ as soon as possible.

[lightninginhersoul]

Okay some nuance on the Robby/Langdon/Santos mess now that i have had some time to reflect but before my second viewing of episode 9:

Robby was right to call Langdon out of the room and give him a lecture. Just because it is EXTREMELY common for interns and residents to be yelled at (at least once, by both residents and attendings according to at least 5 very close friends who are/have been residents) does not mean it should be. If Robby is trying to build an ED where that doesn't happen, that's great!! He is doing the right thing to address it right away. I wish someone had done that for my friends when they were in situations like that. The real point of contention is probably the "I've seen you riding her all day" thing where yes, Robby doesn't want Santos to become a punching bag (correct action) or for Langdon to be only effectively teaching others but not her (again, correct thing to step in for, he saw Langdon not praise her for getting a question right when he should have).

However, Robby doesn't have all the information, that this is at least the third time Santos has disregarded her senior resident (who is in fact responsible for what the intern does and depending on whose patient it is, the medical outcome) and that as a response to lighter criticism done correctly earlier, Santos has become even more resistent to listening to Langdon. He absolutely should have spoken to her in private about it, but he isn't wrong to be concerned that she will continue cutting him out and genuinely kill a patient. ALSO Robby, buddy, you just did a little bit of the same thing!!!! I get you wanted Langdon to listen to you but the WHOLE ED FROZE because you shouted to shut the fuck up. You ALSO need a break! Recognize it.

For Langdon, it is absolutely his responsibility to know when he needs a break. Clearly Amber made him upset - he had to call and hear his son in the middle of the shift. He was triggered, upset that his patient had been seizing for three whole minutes without someone even calling for him, and overwhelmed. Totally get him being in a bad space to then when he asks what happened, for Santos to cut off Mohan and say she messed up and Mohan saved the patient! But he is the teacher and he needs to find his calm now that the patient isn't actively in danger, take a minute to self regulate, and then talk to Santos. He also can't stop teaching her because he is upset with earlier actions - every case must be a chance to teach, and trying a new teaching style on her would be a better call. It is his job to teach, and he doesn't get to shut down or critque her answers when we have seen him be more encouraging with every other younger doctor and med student (although she also keeps answering questions wrong and he does in fact get to say those are wrong - this is expected behavior)

However, like I said, this is super risky of Santos. The reson July 1st isn't actually dangerous to go to the hospital is because new interns are supposed to run basically everything by a resident until everyone is sure they can handle some procedures by themselves. The safeguards are not currently working in the Pitt and Langdon needs to know that he won't lose a patient because his intern didn't check what to do next or even call him into the room. Langdon has every right to call her out for her now repeated actions. She almost killed a patient a few hours ago after not checking in with him! He doesn't want to let it slide that she is trying to circumvent him - they still have hours to go and this is becoming a dangerous pattern. He also doesn't have all the information about what just happened - he genuinely thinks that Santos has now tried to override Mohan, ANOTHER resident! This is now a serious concern if it isn't just him because that means they have an intern who isn't trying to learn. He doesn't know that Mohan took actions to regulate jumping ahead with treatment - he wasn't in the room (when he should have been).

Mohan did a great job, no notes there other than needing to have someone call Langdon in earlier. She was right that he shouldn't have treated Santos like that, she was right to listen and try something according to logic from another doctor, and she was absolutely right to not give all the saline at once but do some of it, wait for lab confirmations, and then commit to the rest of the action. Good job queen!

But this is still a problem, and Santos doesn't seem to acknowledge the actual root of the issue. Sure, her saying that Langdon doesn't think she has what it takes might just be to help further win over Mohan, but it could also be her projecting and not actually listening to Langdon! There are rules and protocols for a reason, and you can't just skip over them on day 1. Robby said it earlier to Collins! Residents can't override attendings, and interns can't override residents. There are reasons for this. Santos has potential but she has threatened a patient with harm, made a serious medical error, and made other incorrect judgement calls. She isn't perfect, and I won't even focus on the scalpel because that was obviously a mistake but that can happen - it isn't a judgement issue. She is running around making assumptions and everyone she has spoken to has said the same thing - slow down, learn, do your job, get a feel for the place. She very much gives me gunner energy, especially with how she's been acting with the med students. It's in fact almost more dangerous that she was right this time because it will make her feel like she can continue to act independently even when she has years to go.

Santos was right this time! She judged the situation and came up with an idea and the logic was sound and based on experience. She's smart, creative, she has self-confidence and speaks up, all good things. She also is clearly still triggered from earlier and she is behaving as such. (Again she shouldn't even threaten a patient like she did with the yikes guy but that's a different post). She doesn't want Langdon to go off at anyone else perhaps, to keep the target on herself because she's done that before maybe? Or maybe she wanted to see if Langdon would praise the actions if someone else did it, as proof that she's not being treated fairly. Or maybe something else we don't know yet!

She is clearly good at finding allies (although equally good at losing them, as we have seen throughout the day) and she wants to help patients so badly that she lets her eagerness override protocol which has come back to bite her. She lost Garcia as an ally after accusing Langdon of benzo abuse, and she needs another one. In this one moment, she got Langdon to lose his cool which is maybe evidence for her drug use theory (i seriously doubt it, but this is for her perception of the situation), got proof that the same actions would be trusted by someone else (a resident with experience who still altered the verbal orders because Mohan has the experience to know not to jump in headfirst if you can avoid it), won herself a solid ally in Mohan, and helped a patient. A very solid read of the situation or very good instincts to get her what she wants. If it was instinctual, it was likely informed by her still being in a headspace to focus the attention and anger on herself, a common trauma response.

Most of her actions so far have all come from good places but they are still leading to incorrect actions. Worried about drugs going missing/vials having an issue? Good place, worried about patient care. But coming on so strong without a documented pattern (more than two incidents that could be coincidental) reads more like picking a fight that has serious consequences in order to make herself look good. I think she is worried! But she isn't thinking it through. Same as giving bipap - worried about the patient and wanting to help, but resulting in severe consequences. And threatening a patient - good place, worried about the daughter (and the show is VERY WRONG about mandatory reporting so i get that she feels like someone needs to do something), but that is a serious abuse of power. This is all ramping up and I'm worried about everyone involved!

Okay now that I have written WAY too many words on the situation, I think I'm done for now unless someone caught something else I didn't here or we get more coming up. I don't want Santos to have it all blow up in her face, I don't want Langdon to lose his fellowship, and I don't want Robby to continue to get further strung out (although that is DEFINTELY going to happen, this man is in a Bad Place today and then gave a whole lecture on burying your feelings). I am most of all worried about Dana! And Pittfest! And all of the concerning plot threads!

[avdaciter]

               If anything, Jinwoo deserved a good beating.   Hansa was being far too kind to him… and he wasn’t going to take it for granted. Talking about Inji had never been easy since her death. The werewolf could count on the fingers of his hands the amount of times he spoke to Leo about his mother, and it was probably because the wolf cub deserved to know how much of a great woman his mother was. He remembered the first time Leo asked about her–he also remembered how he couldn’t stop crying for the next couple of days.

Letting out a sigh, he ran his fingers through his hair. Here she was, open to listen to him, ready to welcome him and his baggage and Linus was running away like a coward. Like he’d always been.

“It’s–hard.” He said, looking down at his feet, before forcing his gaze to find hers again. “Talking about her.” Hansa needed to know that none of this was on her. None of this had ever been her fault. He was the one who couldn’t even grieve properly and who was dragging this goodbye for the last four years, but Inji had been everything he’d ever known once. Everything he’s ever loved. How do you say goodbye to that? “It’s–been four years. Four years and I still can’t talk about her without feeling like my chest is going to get crushed with pain.” Surely, this wasn’t how Hansa had planned to spend her Lunar Year, but it wasn’t how Jinwoo had planned to spend his either. “I’m scared that if I start talking about her, then I’ll start crying and then I’ll never stop.” He confessed, trying to find sense in his own, confusing thoughts. It was uncomfortable thinking about the fact that his love died because of him. 

Jinwoo could sense the hesitation, the fear hovering in the air and for the first time, he understood that during all of those months he’d been picking up on fear emanating from the gorgon, it might not have been directed at him. Clearing his throat, Jinwoo took a step closer to her. Things had been so good just moments ago, why did he have to let his past come forth and ruin everything? “Hansa, listen…” Another step closer and the older werewolf reached up to touch her face again—not without a split second of hesitation, as if asking for permission to touch her again before doing so. “I… I’m sorry.” He ducked his head while cupping her face with both hands, his gaze searching for any sign in her eyes that she would ever forgive him.

Apologies, Linus had learned, were good for nothing. Once you broke someone’s trust, you could still apologize, but things would never be the same. Hopefully, he would make a bigger effort to ensure he didn’t keep screwing things up around Hansa. “Honestly, I–I don’t know.” He started, choosing to be honest with her. Whether it was something she wanted to hear or not, at least he knew he was being honest. “Some days are easier than others." Pause. Honesty fucking hurt, man. "Some days, it’s hard to leave the bed without feeling like my chest is being crushed.” Because of how much he missed Inji. “So, I don’t know if I’m ready." And then, he was reminded of how he felt when he saw her smiling about the apron. Or when Leo would laugh in her presence. He remembered how her nose would wrinkle at his commands in the kitchen. "But–when I’m with you, it’s different.” He continued, fingers brushing against her cheeks, tracing gentle lines on her face, before his thumb brushed along her bottom lip. “When I’m with you it’s… easier to breathe.” Pause. His gaze lowered to her lips, too. “It has been for a while.”

Jinwoo moved closer, now fully stepping into her personal space. One of his hands remained caressing her bottom lip, while the other gently brushed the remains of tears away from her face. “I don’t want to make you cry, Hansa.” His voice was as soft as a whisper and he leaned in to press a gentle kiss between her eyes. “But I can’t answer your question.” Pulling away for a bit, he continued looking into her eyes. “I don’t know if it’s too soon for me.” Linus then, took one of her hand, moving it to rest on his shoulder. “But I do know how I feel when I’m with you." Again, he leaned in, resting his forehead against hers. "I can’t tell you some days won’t be hard for me. I can’t tell you it’ll be easy to talk about her… but… I want to try. With you.” The tips of his nose brushed against hers, lips dangerously close to hers once more without touching.

her smile grows. linus was defending his words again, not easily picking up on the gorgon's pokes and teasing. it just makes her laugh a little more, turning her head to search for him. ❝ don't worry, i need it simplified. i'm not exactly a natural. ❞ she hoped her words would ease him. she hoped, eventually, he'd see that she couldn't resist a little teasing. it was easy to hide emotions behind a wall of sarcasm and jokes, but maybe she'd gotten a little used to it.

while he started to cut everything, hansa let's herself sit, despite wanting to return his gestures with ones of her own. but being touchy while he's holding a knife seems like a bad idea. instead, she just watches, listens, talks from where she sits, just enjoying being there.

everything perks when linus speaks again, bringing up leo's mother. a subject hansa hasn't touched because it seemed far too personal. but the little snippet she was getting was something. even if it did make linus look incredibly uncomfortable. ❝ my mom is the more traditional one also, ❞ she says with a gentle smile, trying to find some commonality. trying to tell him it was okay. but she's not so great with words either. many words never really needed to exist between the two before so she rises with the intention of reaching out, letting him know she was there in some way. did he ever talk about her? did he ever let anything out besides on full moon nights? hansa didn't think so. but she never gets the chance to try and soothe whatever emotions plague the wolf. he excuses himself after their growing silence and then leaves.

hansa, too, wants to leave. she wishes she could be so careless, but it's not linus that makes her stay. he could make up an excuse to leo, tell him hansa got sick or something and that's why she had to go. but she wouldn't want that. instead, she stands there for a moment, that feeling of safety being dragged out along with linus. now her mind was back to second guessing, to wanting to protect itself. fight or flight. running had always been her personal choice. tears sting the gorgon's eyes, but she fights them back, scolding herself for letting them appear in the first place. she goes to the bathroom, fixing her loose bun into a tighter one and uses her phone to make sure there's no redness in her eyes, no hints. and after making sure her emotions were back where they belonged, hidden deep underneath her surface, she could go back out to the kitchen and wait.

her eyes are wide when finally met with his again, but hansa mentally kicks herself and they narrow. she forces the emotion to leave them, reinforcing that wall she was trying to put back up. even when she lays eyes on the vinyl, something that's usually a sure way to bring excitement out of her, doesn't react, only listens.

everything linus said just made her feel more confused. he was still mourning ... but wanted this? whatever the hell this was. and he was rusty? that didn't really feel true. probably the most confusing part of all because nothing felt ... rusty. it felt shiny and sparkly. they were sparkly. at least until they were suddenly dulled. all of hansa's words seemed to leave her, unsure what to say. her head, of course, told her to protect herself, keep up with the aloofness now. but her stupid heart hadn't changed. it wasn't like she would fall out of love with him instantaneously. and somehow it was louder than her head. it was so loud.

she takes the vinyl but doesn't open it, instead just sets it aside after a quiet thanks. ❝ you could have told me that, ❞ she finally finds her voice after another moment of quiet between the two. ❝ you can tell me anything. about her. about you two. about what happened. ❞ if she didn't ache, she'd reach for him. she'd take his hands to make him feel tethered to something, to let him know she was there. but they're preoccupied, not so much crossed over her chest as they are slightly hugging herself, protectively. ❝ but just don't ... please don't ever just walk away from me like that. ❞

she's not sure when she gave her face permission to express emotion, but she feels two little tears slip out the corner of her eyes and she groans in frustration, quickly removing them from her face and turning slightly, an attempt to hide. and then a thought pops into her mind. one she's scared to voice because his response, but one necessary for her own peace of mind. ❝ and if it's too soon for you, tell me now. ❞ she didn't want to be stand in in someone else's life, like she was feeling in that moment.

[gammija]

.

[whenyoucomeback]

can't wait for you to listen to the rest of EPIC. it's wild and even takes fun creative liberties apart from the Odyssey !! and Odysseus only gets better imo <3 even when he making. wild choices, to say the least

It seems like a ton of fun to keep listening to!! Honestly I miiight cave and keep listening to it tomorrow or sometime this week, since even today I was feeling it calling to me, I just was super busy and didn't want to make my brain short-circuit or something in the middle of it or miss out on fully appreciating him TwT I've seen a few spoilers (using "fandom words" to talk about greek mythology feels wild to me but my blog my word choice, I guess? I can do what I want forever) already and it seems sooo devastating oh my goodness. Which I am so, so deeply excited to hear, seriously !!! :D

[nerdie-faerie]

It seems to really be hitting my mum just how young she was when she had me in light of her upcoming birthday

[seilon]

by no means do i regret cutting off my dad but. sometimes i remember experiences with him that are so novel i wouldnt ever replace them. specifically i am thinking about how he’d play this country song sometimes that i have no idea how he found about gay interracial cowboys in love. i never asked him about it. i think about it often

[pseudowho]

"...alright. Just the usual ones? Night time too...and tampons. Don't ever apologise. Alright. We'll be home soon. I love you."

The mid-morning traffic, less frantic now than an hour before, shhhaaaahed around the car. From the passenger seat, Yuuji watched Kento with a fascination about to bubble over with suppressed laughter. Kento put the phone down. Yuuji, just a boy, grinned, almost teasingly at Kento.

"Tampons, huh, Nanamin?"

Kento looked to Yuuji, flicking the windscreen wipers on to rid the screen of drifting cherry blossom. His face remained neutral, sincerely questioning. Yuuji scoffed, bold as brass, before continuing.

"Jeez Nanamin...you're such a simp."

Kento's eyes narrowed, searching for meaning. He repeated, slowly, the word unfamiliar upon his tongue.

"...'simp'."

"You'd do anything for her, right?"

"Is that...a bad thing? You say the word, not that I know it, as if it's derogatory."

Kento tapped on his phone, and Yuuji backpedaled, his grin sliding away to a wide-mouthed grimace as he waved his hands in a fit of no, wait, I can explain. Kento appeared to be reading, his face growing dour. He huffed, one short puff of air from his nose. He tucked his phone away.

"Ah-- Nanamin-- I didn't mean--"

"A simp, hmm? Alright. Come along, Yuuji."

They drove. Yuuji bit his nails as he stared out into traffic. Kento was silent, calm.

And Kento took Yuuji on errands.

At the Conbini, Kento collected pads, tampons, snacks and pain relief.

"Do you have any of the night time ones?" Kento asked the assistant, holding up a pack of pads, unashamed, as Yuuji tried to sink into the floor, just a boy. As the assistant walked away, Kento asked Yuuji, calmly.

"Would a simp do this?"

"Ah...jeez, I...yeah, I guess so."

"Alright."

In the Florist's, Kento was meticulous with the sweating assistant, identifying only the finest blooms of your favourite wildflowers. He commandeered, insisting they were wrapped in brown paper, stamped with wax and tied with ribbons. Tapping his fingers on the counter, bored, Yuuji's reverie was once more broken by Kento's smooth timbre.

"Would a simp do this?"

Kento walked up beside Yuuji, with a spray of sweet botanicals in his arms. Yuuji squirmed beneath the schooling.

"Yeah, I...I reckon so. Probably."

"Splendid. Come along."

At the launderette, collecting your repaired jacket; "Would a simp do this?"

At your parents' house, dropping off a birthday card; "Would a simp do this?"

At Jujutsu High, filing some late paperwork for you; "Would a simp do this?"

In the car, calling Ijichi to cancel drinks the following night; "Would a simp do this?"

By the time Kento had completed his errands, Yuuji sulked, just a boy, begrudging how overboard Kento had gone, all because Yuuji had used slang that meant nothing apart from something Kento couldn't understand.

Yuuji stood back in the hallway, shucking his shoes off, as Kento walked ahead.

Yuuji's eyes darted up, to you, shocked to see that you were...a mess. You could hide the tears all you liked, but your puffy lips and salt-sore cheeks told of a whole day of crying. The dinner Yuuji usually enjoyed wasn't made. The fragrant candles that Yuuji usually enjoyed weren't lit. The curtains were closed.

Yuuji felt vicariously guilty for something he had not done, but he listened to yours and Kento's mumbled conversation.

"...sorry...so shit...haven't done anything...needed you...Yuuji must be hungry, I..."

"...shhh...done nothing wrong...Ijichi cancelled tomorrow anyway...order take-out...come here..."

Kento held you in a rustle of bags and brown-papered flowers. He did not begrudge the tear stains on his lapels. He looked at you as though your very blood ran divine, when you gave the flowers and bag of snacks a watery smile, pressing a salty kiss to Kento's cheeks before walking to the kitchen.

As Kento and Yuuji stood back, watching you swipe your tears away before beginning to fill a vase with Kento's wildflowers, Yuuji dawned upon the cusp of a bold new understanding. Kento felt it, this gentle yearning, and took Yuuji by the hand over the horizon.

Kento's voice was, slow, considered, and gut-wrenchingly sincere.

"Never deny yourself the beauty of loving someone without restraint, for the fear of vulnerability, Yuuji. Never let anyone taint the way love should guide and consume you. Because if loving wholeheartedly is weakness...you shouldn't want to be strong."

Yuuji watched the gentle golden thread of joy that Kento had woven through your sadness. He shuffled, his hands in his pockets, his peachy head tilted down as he kicked at his shoes.

"...yeah, I get you. I'll... I'll be a simp too, then. When I find the one. And...and I'll be proud of it."

Kento smiled, pressing a bag of snacks to Yuuji's chest.

"And I'll be proud of you."

[kingkatsuki]

— my protector

Tengen needs your help in trying to locate his wives on a mission, and Sanemi is furious.

Get me a man who’s only soft for us, stat😫😭

Pairing: Shinazugawa Sanemi x f!reader.

Warnings: 18+, established relationship, reader is a fellow hashira, jealous Sanemi (for literally no reason), possessiveness, rough sex, slight degradation, fingering, multiple orgasms, breeding, creampie.

Word Count: 4.2k.

All Sanemi could see was red, fiery red as he roamed the halls of the Butterfly Mansion, ignoring the pain in his right arm from the wound Aoi had just patched up moments earlier.

“Shinobu will kill you if she finds you drawing your sword in here!” Aoi called after him, but Sanemi could care less as his eyes sought out the Sound Pillar.

He had just returned from a three-week-long mission to find out that Uzui had enlisted you for help on one of his missions. Practically offering you up as bait to try and find his wives who had gone missing, like that was even your problem. And Sanemi knew you were always so eager and willing to help, it was something he loved and loathed about you at the same time.

The rage continued building inside him as he pulled open another sliding door aggressively, the wood gliding back from the force as he skimmed another empty room before continuing further through the mansion.

“Listen to me, Shinazugawa.” Aoi huffed, followed after him as one of the only people inside the mansion who weren’t scared of the white-haired man, “I told you Shinobu won’t be pleased to find out you’re breaking all her doors.”

“Fuck her,” Sanemi rolled his eyes, “Where’s Uzui?”

“If you would’ve actually stopped for five minutes to let me explain, instead of being such a jerk,” Aoi crossed her arms over her chest with a huff, “He left with her a few hours ago. Said it couldn’t wait much longer, that his wives may be in danger—”

“How the fuck is that her problem?” Sanemi growled, “So he isn't here?”

“No, but I would advise you don't follow him. Your wounds—” Sanemi ignored Aoi, already halfway down the hall as he marched towards the entrance, determined to find you on his own. It was when he stepped into the courtyard that he saw Uzui coming in by the front gate with a wide smile on his face.

“Ah, my crow told me you were back!” Uzui made to step towards him to finish the conversation, but Sanemi’s sword was already drawn as he stepped towards the larger man, “Perfect timing, my friend!”

“You fucking left her there?” Sanemi barked, “Why are you back here?”

“I came to get you at the request of your lady love,” Uzui grinned as Sanemi curled his lip in irritation at the pet name, “She made me promise to tell you as soon as you got back from your mission because she wouldn’t be around. And I thought you'd prefer a personal greeting.”

“Why the fuck are you sending her on your missions anyway,” Sanemi continued, ignoring Uzui's grin, “And leaving her there!”

“It hasn’t even been twelve hours,” Uzui shrugged, standing in place even as Sanemi stepped towards him.

“That’s already twelve hours too damn long, you prick.” Sanemi drew his sword as he made to lunge towards his fellow hashira.

“She’s probably safer there than she’d ever be out in the field,” Uzui dodged a blow with the hilt of his sword, the guard barely protecting his hands as he used his body weight to push the Wind Pillar back.

“Probably?” Sanemi roared, “She’s probably got sick fucks like you all over her right now.”

“Oh,” Uzui’s lips curled into a cocky smirk at the admission, standing upright as he pushed some fallen hair away from his eyes, “So that’s it— you’re jealous.”

“I ain’t jealous, you fuckwad.” Sanemi grunted as he attempted another slash towards Uzui, knowing it was serious when the wind user hadn’t even bothered to use his power.

“Sure seems like it,” Uzui scoffed, taking another step back to avoid his attack, “Nothing is stopping you from visiting her, you know. She’s only a few towns across and I'm here to take you right to her.”

“Oh, you’re taking me to her,” Sanemi spat, “Right fucking now.”

“Someone is asking for me?” You raised a brow suspiciously at the implication. Wondering if this meant the demons had realised that you were in fact a slayer intent on taking their head. Your stomach swirled in trepidation as you tried not to show any fear, smiling at the young girl by the door as you bowed your head.

“Yeah, and frankly I’m glad,” She clung to the belt of her kimono, “He looks scary!”

“I definitely don’t want to spend the night with him,” Another girl grimaced, “I don’t think I’d make it out alive.”

You frowned, worried that you wouldn’t have time to access your katana to holster it beneath your kimono. Instead, all you had was the small dagger strapped against your thigh, which you were certain wouldn’t be enough to protect you from the attack of a demon. But at least it was better than nothing, knowing he wouldn’t attack until you were at least secure back inside this room as you bowed your head. Following her down the stairs to the entrance of the establishment, feeling a cool breeze tickle your ankles from the open door and curtain flowing in the wind.

Your heart stilled when you noticed the familiar man standing by the entrance, glaring at anyone who dared look his way as you felt your chest swell with familiarity. You hadn’t expected to see him here this night, and you certainly hadn’t expected him to be asking after you.

“Is this the girl you were asking after, my Lord?”

“Yes,” He grunted as the Madame motioned him to step forward and follow you back to your room.

You had to stop yourself jumping him in the foyer, wanting nothing more than to wrap your arms around him and cling to his broad shoulders.

Feeling the heat practically radiating from his body as you slid open the sliding door to your room, stepping to the side to allow Sanemi to follow before sliding it shut. And in an instant, his rough hands were grabbing hold of the fat at your hips to pull your body against his, your lips meeting in a bruising kiss.

Your hands reached up to thread through his messy hair as the scent of the woods mixed with his natural sweat invaded your senses. He clearly hadn’t bothered to bathe when he returned from his mission, far more concerned with finding you.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He spoke against your lips when you finally pulled away for air, still holding onto you as your nails dragged against his scalp, “I had to come home to find out you’re helping Uzui?”

“Tengen needed my help,” You murmured, and Sanemi’s nose scrunched in irritation at the use of the Sound Pillars' first name.

“Tengen,” He mocked the pitch of your voice, “Has three fucking wives that can help him, I only have one.”

“Technically,” You parroted his tone, giving him a cocky smirk as you felt his fingers press into the skin at your hips, “I’m not even your wife.”

“You’re as good as,” Sanemi scoffed as he stole another kiss, “And Uzui would do well to remember it.”

“His wives are missing,” You mumbled sadly.

“So does that mean he’s looking for a fourth?” Sanemi frowned at you as you couldn’t help but smile and shake your head at his jealousy.

“No,” You lowered your voice to a whisper, “He hasn’t heard from them for a few days, the letters have stopped coming— and he thinks something bad may have happened to them.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sanemi couldn’t lie that it had hurt to find out from someone else that you wouldn’t be there upon his return, whether it was jealousy or the fear of losing you he was unsure. But either way, it left him with that familiar sense of dread that pooled in the pit of his stomach and threatened to boil over.

“I’m sorry, but there wasn’t much time,” You did wish you’d sent your crow to warn him, but Uzui had promised you that he would let Sanemi know. Especially since you were doing this for the sake of his wives, “He needed my help, so I offered.”

“You’re far too nice.” Sanemi shook his head, using his grip on your hips to pull you into another sultry kiss.

“I thought that’s why you loved me.” You teased.

“No,” Sanemi scoffed, “I love you for your perfect ass,” He spanked your cheek for emphasis, “Everything else is either a bonus or a crux on my life.”

“You pig.” You scrunched your nose as Sanemi couldn’t stop himself from stealing another kiss.

“I’m kidding, sweetheart,” Sanemi’s eyes softened as he reached up to cup your face in a calloused palm. His thumb stroking gentle circles against your cheek as you leaned into his touch, “But you really should stop putting yourself in harm's way.”

“I’m a hashira,” You replied simply, “It’s what we do to protect others.”

“Protecting others doesn’t mean becoming a whore.” He spat, although you knew there was no malice there. The harsh tone covered up the fear and dread he felt in your gut at the prospect of something happening to you.

“And yet here you are, at the whorehouse requesting me by name.” You smiled back, relishing in the pink hue that dusted his pale cheeks.

“I just don’t want to lose you,” His tone sobered, resting his forehead against your own as he stared down into your eyes, “What a pitiful existence it would be.”

“You won’t lose me, Sanemi.” You wrapped your arms around his waist to pull his body against you, feeling his semi-hard cock press against your hip. The time without you made even more conspicuous when he's now surrounded by the comforting scent of you again.

“Did anyone touch you?” He immediately pulled back, concern evident in his features as he looked you over.

“No, I’ve been fine,” You shook your head, “They’ve mainly had me sitting down for tea with travellers passing through.”

“Good,” He pressed a kiss against your forehead in relief as he exhaled softly, “You have no idea how much I missed you, sweet girl.”

He peppered kisses along the curve of your jaw as you tilted your head back to give him more room. Your hands smoothed along his collarbones before dipping lower to trace patterns against the marred skin that scarred his chest, pressing your fingers into the ridges as you felt the tacky sweat clinging to his skin.

“I missed you too,” You whimpered gently as his teeth found your pulse point, biting down on the sensitive skin as his tongue lashed against it.

Sanemi bullied his muscular thigh between your parted legs to keep you steady against the wall as he shamelessly fiddled with the belt of your kimono. Letting the fabric fall open as he drank in the sight of your bare skin beneath, his firm hands immediately paw at your bare sides. Noticing the small dagger that you had holstered against one of your thighs as he ran his fingers over the handle of it in satisfaction.

“That’s my girl.” He murmurs, “Not planning to use that on me are you?”

He teased, pushing it back into the holster as he moved his hands back up the curve of your hips towards your chest. Truth be told, he was relieved that you had some form of protection in here. Especially when there was the chance that a demon was responsible for the spate of missing persons in the area.

“It depends if you’re nice to me or not,” You mused.

“I’m always nice.” The words coming from Sanemi’s lips alone were enough to have a melodic laugh rumbling in your chest, as for most, Sanemi and nice were complete contradictions.

“Liar,” Throwing your head back in a pretty laugh that had Sanemi’s heart rattling against his rib cage.

“I mean, I’m always nice to you, aren’t I?” Sanemi’s thumbs stroked the underside of your breasts as he delighted in the way your body responded to him, curving your back towards him as your bare cunt pressed against the flat of his thigh.

“We shouldn’t,” You murmured, “Not here—”

“Let me have this, sweetheart,” He hummed, leaning down to capture one of your pebbled nipples between his lips as he sucked hard, “I am a paying customer, after all.”

In fact, he was going to get that money from Uzui for his pure subordination.

“Why pay for something you can get for free at home?” You teased as he afforded your other breast the same attention, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin as you let out another airy moan.

“My girl wasn’t there when I arrived home, and I had heard the girls here were beautiful,” He played along, “Apparently there’s one with the best fuckin’ pussy.”

“Oh yeah?” You gasped as you felt his fingers press against the indents of your thighs, dangerously close to your labia as you bucked against his leg. Giving your clit some slight relief as Sanemi continued forward, his thumb brushing through the wet slick that coated your folds as it drooled out of your neglected hole.

“Yeah,” He repeated, pulling away from your breast with a pop as he found your clit. Pressing sloppy circles against it with the calloused pad of his thumb as he watched you shamelessly grind yourself into his touch, “Apparently she’s already fucked into the shape of another guy though.”

“Must be a lucky guy,” Your eyes rolled back, knocking your head against the wall when you felt two of his thick digits slip inside your tight hole with ease. Scissoring them to loosen you up as he pulled back to watch you inquisitively through half-lidded eyes.

“The fuckin’ luckiest.” Sanemi grinned as he felt your walls throb around his fingers. He deliberately curled them towards the spongy spot inside you that he knew would have you seeing stars as he began to focus each roll of his wrist against it.

His name continued to spill from your lips as he kept his movements poised and focused, his rough thumb kneading circles against your clit as he worked you towards your release. No one knew your body better than he did, and he knew after being pent up for so long how little effort it would take to have you dangling on the edge of your release.

“Fuck, Sanemi.” You moaned, already feeling yourself dangerously close to falling, “I’m gonna cum.”

“Then cum.” He spoke as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, and his blase tone immediately had your cunt clenching around him as you swan dived directly into your bliss. The pleasure surged through your body hard and fast as you came undone, his darkened eyes focused on your movements a he kept his fingers pressed against that same velvety spot. Following the wave of your hips as you rode out your release, unrelenting against the sensitive area as he already had you hurtling towards a second.

It was too much, and not enough at the same time. Your pliant walls throbbed around his slick digits as you wished for something more, something bigger.

“‘Nemi, fuck me please.” You whined pitifully.

“Such a filthy mouth on such a pretty girl,” He teased, but he pulled his fingers away from your sopping heat, lifting them up to the light to spread them as you noticed the silvery webs of your release clinging to them as he pushed them between your lips to taste yourself.

You tried to speak, but the pads of his fingers against your tongue muffled the words as you cleaned them off. His lips curled into a satisfied smile as he pulled them out of your mouth, dragging your glossy bottom lip down in the process as both hands immediately reached for his belt.

“When we get home I am fucking you like you deserve.” Sanemi spoke coolly, “Not some quick fuck in a whorehouse.”

“I deserve everything you give me, 'Nemi.” You smile up at him lazily before watching him tug his pants down, revealing his fat cock to your prying gaze.

You immediately reached for it, and he let you. Hissing when your smaller palm wrapped around the girth of him, giving him a teasing jerk that had his nostrils flaring and his jaw locking. Your thumb swipes over the swollen tip to gather the pearl of pre before smoothing it down his length, delighting in the choked grunt that rumbled at the back of his throat.

“Is that so?” He continued, “So bending you over the moment I get you home will be deserved,” His voice darkened, his own palm joining yours against his length as he tightened your grip on his cock, holding your hand steady as he fucked himself into your fist, “You tease.”

“Fuck,” Your cunt throbbed around nothing at his suggestion, as you instinctively spread your legs further apart, “Please, 'Nemi.”

Sanemi curled a palm beneath your thigh to hoist it up against his hip, spreading you open for him as you guided the leaky tip of his cock between you. Stroking it against your drenched folds as you coated him with your essence, moaning when the swollen tip nudged your puffy clit. Feeling yourself growing more impatient as Sanemi pulled his hips back to tease you, pushing your hand away from his cock as he wrapped himself in a fist. Pressing the head against your tight entrance as he felt your hole tremble against him, trying desperately to coax him in as he indulged himself with your reaction.

“‘Nemi, don’t be an asshole,” You pouted as you tried to can’t your hips forward, feeling the tip breach your entrance before he was quick to move his hips back. More than content with teasing you, despite being in such an open, compromising place.

“If I were an asshole I’d leave you unsatisfied like this to search for the demon myself,” He goaded, pressing his hips forward once more.

“Sanemi,” You whined in irritation, “Don’t tease me, please, it’s been too long.”

He didn’t give you a moment to think before he was bullying his cock inside your tight cunt. Your inner walls stretched to accommodate his girth as he moulded you to the shape of him once more, reminding you of exactly who you belonged to. The sensation stole the air from your lungs as you could do little but cling to his broad shoulders as he afforded you a moment to adjust to his size, dragging himself from your velvety walls before canting his hips forward again. Setting a languid motion as he slowly rolled his hips against you.

“Sanemi,” You sighed in satisfaction as you felt whole once more. Too many lonely nights were spent dreaming of this as you felt him finally bottom out, the coarse hairs at the base tickling your clit as you bit down on your bottom lip.

“We’re in a whorehouse,” He mused, still sluggishly rolling his hips into you, “It only seems right that I treat you like one.”

Your cunt clenched around his cock hard at the notion, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Sanemi who grinned in satisfaction. His fingers tighten their grip around your thigh as he takes this as his answer.

Sanemi is brutal as he fucks into you, not sparing you a moment's peace as he uses you for his own gratification. The sound of skin against skin echos the small room as his balls slap against the curve of your ass with each forward cant of his hips. The ferocity of his thrusts has your breasts bouncing and your thighs crying out for some relief as you struggle to stand upright, thankful that Sanemi’s strong body has you pinned against the wall as he fucks into you.

“Oh my god,” You cry out, nails digging into his skin as he maintains his pace. His other hand squeezes at the fat of your ass as he angles his hips, the curve of his cock drags against the spot inside you that he knows will have you seeing stars as the blunt tip kneads your cervix.

“Look at me.” Sanemi growls, his warm breath fanning your face as he keeps a consistent pace.

Your eyes meet his and you’re certain you’ll cum under the intensity of his gaze alone, your cunt clenches in retaliation as he continues to thrust into your sopping hole. Each sultry moan he pulls from deep in your chest has him rolling his hips with more vigour, eager to have you repeat them as he works you towards your climax.

It’s pitiful really, how easily he has you submitting to him as you already feel the telltale signs of your climax ebbing in your pelvis. The pressure builds up as it nears breaking point as Sanemi pushes into you with more ferocity, using your body for his own means as he works himself to his own release.

“I’m going to leave you pumped full of my seed,” He growls against your cheek, his chest heaving as he feels his balls begin to tighten, “Leave it drooling down your thighs when I’m finished with you. So that everyone knows who you belong to—”

You knew this was a direct attack on Uzui, and the fact that he’d handpicked you for his assistance on this mission. Even though there was nothing in it beyond securing the safety of his wives, it had Sanemi oozing with jealousy and he was intent on reminding the Sound Pillar that you were not his plaything.

“Do you also need a reminder of who you belong to, sweetheart?” Sanemi spoke lowly as he fucked into your pliant walls, slipping a hand between your connected bodies to press sloppy circles to your clit.

“No, ‘Nemi—” That familiar sensation throbbed between your thighs as you teetered on the cusp of your climax.

“No? Then who do you belong to?”

“You, ‘Nemi. You—” You choked out, leaving messy red lines against his chest now as he pressed harder against your clit.

“Louder.”

“You, ‘Nemi! It’s always been you!” You cry out, certain that the rest of the floor could hear you as you began to gush around his cock. Your hips bucked wildly as he pinned you in place, keeping his thumb firm against your clit as he watched you ride out your climax. Indulging in the debauched noises that escaped from between your pretty, bruised lips.

“Good girl,” He snarled before moving his hand from your clit to resume a damn near savage pace. Rutting hips against your own messily, working himself towards his own end as he felt the way your walls continued clenching around him in the aftershocks of your climax, “Such a good girl for me.”

He arched his back so he could look down at where your bodies were connected, watching the way his thick cock disappeared inside your velvety walls. And the creamy ring of slick that you’d left around the base of him, the silvery lines matting into his pubes as he felt his balls begin to seize. Certain he wouldn’t be able to last much longer before giving a few more sloppy thrusts and emptying his balls into your warm, wet cunt.

Sanemi stayed buried inside you, feeling the last spurts of his orgasm surge through him as he coated your walls in thick, white spunk. Cherishing the final few flutters of your walls around him as you both came down from your highs, peppering kisses against your face as you placed a palm against his chest to feel his racing heart, the dull thump of it soothing you as you felt your thick lashes begin to flutter.

“Don’t fall asleep, sweetheart.” Sanemi rasped, starting to pull himself out of your spent cunt as you whined in objection. Trying to tighten your thigh around him to keep his hips in position as he grinned down at you; pressing an apologetic kiss to the side of your lips before looking down to see the mess of your combined release stringing against his length as the silvery lines split apart, “I’m sorry, I’ve gotta.”

You knew he had to go, Uzui was probably still waiting for him on a rooftop somewhere. Hopeful that you’d have some news to share with Sanemi about the whereabouts of his wives, but you felt the regret begin to pool in the pit of your stomach as reality settled back in.

“If you want to leave with me, I’ll take you right now,” He said as though it was the most simple thing in the world, “But if you want to stay in I’ll be watching.”

You didn’t have to tell him your answer, he already knew. Placing a final, lingering kiss on your lips as he held you in his arms, “Nothing will ever happen to you as long as I’m around.”

[sweetiechenle]

would you film my s*x tape? ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆ haechan

pairing: non-idol!collegestudent!haechan x collegestudent!afab!reader

summary: you and your best friend haechan are strapped for cash and desperate to make some... quick. thank god he has the best idea ever to make a sex tape!

warnings: mdni 18+ only, smut, masturbation, swearing, marking, porn with plot, face fucking, possessiveness, unprotected sex (don't do this), dirty talk, oral (receiving and giving) fingering, manhandling, praise, creampie, pet names, fluff, crack/humor, this is so unserious, you are all freaks in this

you thought the line was crossed after the internet bill cost more than an arm and a leg or when the water was shut off because of an overdue bill, but this was probably the worst thing that could’ve happened. all you wanted to do was take a nice long hot shower, you stripped off your pajamas and climbed into the tub. turning on the water you jumped back and let out a small scream, scrambling to turn off the water, you let out small cries as the ice-cold water continued to pelt your back. finally shutting off the shower, you shivered, stepping out and wrapping a towel around your body, holding it close.

leaving the bathroom, you march down the hallway, finding your best friend and roommate, haechan, on the couch. he looked up from his phone when you stopped in front of him with your arms crossed.

he smirked, ‘not sure what i did to deserve this’

rolling your eyes and huffing, ‘did you pay the gas bill? The water was freezing!!’

haechan quickly stood up, ‘i thought you did!’

‘no it was your turn this month!’ you cried.

he fell back on the couch, letting his body slump in the cushions, ‘fuck’

you sighed, moving to sit down next to him. ‘im so fucking tired of being broke, dude’

‘yeah, you’re preaching to the choir’ you replied with a lifeless laugh.

‘our jobs fucking suck, our pay fucking sucks, these prices fucking suck. we have tried everything and now what else is there to do? ask chenle for money!? yeah fucking right, i’m not owing that little shit anything’ he vented.

you sighed standing up, ‘i don’t really know what else to do either, we are too busy to take on a second job, we tried delivering food and driving others around, but it’s never enough’ you agreed with him.

he grabbed your hand when you stood up, you looked down, ‘don’t worry, i’ll think of something’ you nodded, seeing the sincerity swirl in his chocolate brown eyes you nodded.

later that evening haechan, and you sat down for dinner in front of the tv watching whatever you could pay attention to, pushing your money problems to the back of your mind. you placed your empty bowl on the small table in front of you, ‘i’m not doing the dishes with the water being this cold’ you smiled. haechan laughed and grabbed your bowl, taking it to the sink to do the dishes himself, you followed him into the small kitchen. you stood and stared at his back, his shoulders now much broader than the boy you first met ten years ago, his slender fingers moving around the bowl as he scrubbed the food off, he turned back at you and it was so hard not to notice his plush, pink lips that moved into a small smile every time he saw you, and it always made your heartbeat skip. it was so hard to decide if you wanted to be him or be with him.

‘i thought of an idea’ he said nonchalantly, glancing back at you to see your reaction.

‘oh god’ you laughed, nervously you asked, ‘should i be scared?’

‘probably?’ haechan answered, finishing up the two dishes and facing you in the kitchen now.

he ran his hand through his chestnut-colored hair, his hands flying everywhere as he started to explain his thought process behind this ‘genius idea’.

‘we should…’ he paused, and you quirked your eyebrow up, ‘make a sex tape!’

you snorted and double up laughing, ‘you’re fucking insane’ to continue the theatrics you pretended to whip non-existent tears.

‘no, okay, listen… it’s a crazy idea, but think of all the money we could make’ he sighed, now growing embarrassed due to the idea he was so confident in before. his cheeks grew red, scratching the back of his neck, ‘as we said earlier, we tried everything, but not this’

‘fuck’ you breathed, he was serious, mind going a million miles a second trying to come up with anything better, ‘they make so much money on only fans and stuff i fear you might be right’ it’s not like you didn't want to have sex with your best friend and roommate, you always thought he was attractive and had a body you dreamed to have in your bed. of course you would never tell him that to his face, his ego would get too big you'd have to move out. being best friends since middle school had its perks, each other's first kiss, each other's first small sexual experience at the end of high school, something you both agreed to never speak of after it had happened. so, you figured with something like this it would be something similar, you would make a couple of sex tapes, post them, and then rake in the cash and never speak of it ever again. however you didn't want something this extreme to change any aspect of your relationship with haechan, yes you were attracted to him and he was your favorite person but you liked where your relationship was at right now.

he pumped his fists up in the air, whooping as you finally agreed that one of his plans was feasible. ‘i know! i think it's probably one of the best ideas i’ve ever had’ he said proudly. ‘i can borrow one of jaemins nice cameras to film, we have to research what could make us the most money too’ he noted.

you nodded, ‘we should lay down some ground rules too, i don’t want to just jump into this and both do something we regret’

he turned to you, acting genuinely confused, ‘what would we regret?’ you inhaled his cologne as he moved in closer to you.

you looked up at him as he caged you between him and the kitchen table, you shuddered as your lower back made contact with the cold surface. you looked down now too nervous to look into his eyes that stared down at you, ‘i-i don’t know haechan, i just don’t want anything between us to change’ you said now feeling small even though your heart was jumping for joy.

‘you don’t? that’s a shame’ he clicked his tongue in disappointment, his voice low. not knowing what to say, you gulped waiting for him to continue, ‘when it comes to you, i don’t think there’s anything i could regret sweetheart’

oh, damn him, if you weren't supported by the table your knees would've already given out and you would've sucked his dick right then and there. what he said lit your body on fire but the subtle pet name went right to your core, shamefully feeling your panties growing wetter. he always played these games when he wanted something, using cute pet names and pleading in a cute way where anyone would say yes, but this time seemed different. hearing the sincerity in his voice made the situation feel all too real, you couldn't believe this was real.

‘wha-’ you gazed up at him through your eyelashes, ready to ask for further explanation but he stopped you, placing his finger over your open mouth.

‘do you trust me?’ he whispered.

all you could do was nod at him, while your best friend was playful and mischievous, you knew he could also be serious and forthright. it makes you think back to the time when mark wouldn't let haechan drive his car ever, saying he would never in a million years trust him. on the other hand when there was ever tension between his friend group he would be the one to go out of his way and get everyone all together again and diffuse any tensity. there were some things most people wouldn't trust haechan on but if he said you two could climb mount everest, you'd meet him at the spot.

‘good’ he replied, ���get some sleep, we have a long day tomorrow’ he smirked and stalked away from you, hearing his bedroom door shut you let out a long breath. the air around you seemed too thin and you took that as your cue to also head to your room. you got ready for bed, climbed into your sheet and turned off your lamp, falling back into the mattress you stared up at the ceiling mind blanking and trying to process everything that happened an hour ago. you turned and grabbed your phone, wincing as the light burned your eyes. opening up the search engine you turned on incognito because there was no way this was ever going into your search history. typing in ‘popular porn categories’ you nervously waited as the page loaded. ‘seriously?’ you said to yourself as you read the words ‘milf’ and ‘lesbian’, so those were off the table. continuing to scroll you made mental notes of everything that could get you clicks, words like ‘creampie’ and ‘anal’, some things you weren't against, but stuff that seemed pretty straightforward.

you put down your phone and sighed, bored and unable to sleep. so, doing what most girls do when they are bored and in bed: masturbate. you slide your hand down your body, stopping just above the waistband of your pink sleep shorts. automatically thinking of haechan and imagining it was his hands sliding into your panties. soon, you reminded yourself. you finally reached the sweet spot, you tried your best to suppress your moans as your fingers worked in circles around your clit, occasionally taking your fingers down to dip in between your folds and pump them in and out, closing your eyes and making up a picture of haechan in your head on him above you, wishing it was his cock being driven inside of you. biting down on your bottom lip as your hips lurched forward due to the friction, you let out a small cry as you came all over your fingers, ending it by rubbing the stickiness over your worn-out pussy.

you cursed silently, getting up and going to the bathroom to clean yourself. after you gave yourself a well-deserved whores bath you got a clean pair of undies and slipped back into bed, now tired enough to go to sleep.

you wake up to a sunny saturday morning, stretching your limbs out you get out of bed and grab your phone, heading to the kitchen for what little breakfast you can have. you and haechan were never big money makers, at least not yet. you had a job doing entry graphic design for a yearbook company, paid like shit, but at least you were working towards something while going to school. haechan was majoring in software engineering but couldn't find any companies willing to hire someone without a degree, he seemed to always miss the chance to apply for internships so he was stuck at his job of being a mystery shopper, which also didn't pay that well. so, you both lived paycheck to paycheck and scraped what little you could to do things with friends and go out, haechan always telling you to go bat your eyes and act cute with every man in clubs so you both could get free drinks.

you opened the pantry and opted for the generic-branded cereal, hoping to every god in existence there was some milk in the fridge, you slowly opened it and silently cheered when there was a bit left. having all the ingredients you made up your bowl of cereal, sat down in the creaky kitchen chair and dug in. looking around you noticed haechan wasn't home, his shoes were gone along with his house keys, he never mentioned going anywhere so you opened your phone and checked on ‘find my friends’. you zoomed in on his little contact picture that was set years ago and obviously the perfectly, most embarrassing picture. he was at jaemins, for some reason unbeknownst to you. you continued to eat and scroll through whatever social media app could hold your attention. after breakfast, you cleaned your bowl (despite the cold water) and sat on the couch to pass the time until haechan came home.

you heard the door swing open, immediately standing up you walked without even thinking up to haechan. he gave you an inquisitive look as to why you came upon him so suddenly. then you noticed the camcorder in his hand… jaemins camcorder, oh.

‘i didn't know you left this morning’ you explained.

‘i was at jaemins’ i know you wanted to say, ‘i was getting this.’ he gestured to the video camera in his hand, taking off his shoes and throwing his keys onto the table.

you were rooted in place as you watched him move around the apartment nonchalantly, ‘did you tell him what it was for?’ you asked restlessly. scared that he confided in jaemin of your little plan to make more money, if he did, you could probably never look into the poor man's eyes ever again.

‘oh god no, i told him it was for a project you were working on but couldn't come to get it yourself’ haechan answered and that consoled your worried mind. ‘he expects it back by thursday’ he winked at you, and closed the door to his room, leaving you a loss for words at the front door.

you went back to your room, confused as to why haechan didn't bring up anything about the sex tape(scapades), like he knew nothing about it while it was his idea in the first place. he was probably nervous and getting ready, didn't want to ruin the mood or overthink any decisions that were already put into place from last night. you decided to lay in bed and watch videos and play on your phone to pass the time. after a while of shifting around in bed and switching between the same ten apps, you didn't realize the time when haechan softly knocked on your door, saying that dinner was ready.

you got up and opened your door, surprised by the setup he put together, there was a white sheet over the coffee table in front of the tv with multiple candles lit (needed them for when your electricity got shut off), there were wine glasses included a plate of food that looked absolutely delicious. ‘wow, haechan you really outdone yourself’ haechan was romantic when he wanted to be, asking gift and flower suggestions for whatever girl he decided to get involved with during that time. it always stung a bit, but you could never turn him away as a best friend.

‘anything for my favorite girl’ he smiled, and led you to the couch, taking your hand as you sat down. you blushed at his comment, almost feeling like this was a real date at a real fancy restaurant. but of course reality is that you are eating spaghetti on a couch in pajamas before getting absolutely railed by your best friend. you almost laughed out loud at the absurdity of it all. he poured some wine into your glass, and turned towards the tv to put on your favorite movie. it was all really sweet and made your heart swell with adoration for the boy next to you. even with the cards he was dealt in the situation he exceeded expectations and went out of his way to make everything special for you. you dug into your food and took a sip of wine, ‘ugh’ you gagged, ‘this is the cheap shit’ you both laughed at the reaction and he gave you a of course it is look.

‘don’t worry, when we are raking in the cash, i’ll get you the good stuff, and take you on a real, proper first date’ he smiled sheepishly, not confident in his words, worried you'd object to his obvious advances.

it was almost impossible to keep your heart from jumping out of your throat at his words, not believing what you just heard. you coughed, thinking of a way to get back at him, ‘i will be looking forward to that’. he beamed, giving you a toothy smile, your insides twisted, he was too cute for his own good, taking everything in you not to devour him whole right there. you swallowed your spit and turned back towards your food, finishing it off within a couple of bites.

haechan got up and took your plate to the sink, not bothering to clean them. he walked up to you and took your hands in his, looking down at the connection. wondering if he could feel how hot you were, haechan was always a touchy person and cuddled with you more times than you could count. but those times didn't make you feel this way, you knew tonight was different. ‘go get ready,’ he walked you to your bedroom door, dropping your hands he went to his door, ‘the video camera is all charged up’ he went inside and with that you scrambled around your room, thinking of what ‘get ready’ could mean. it was his job to prep you right? pacing around the room reality sunk in and you knew what to do. now going through your small closet, trying to find the only piece of lingerie you had. a gift from a past boyfriend, probably worth more than what you wanted to know.

‘ah-ha!’ you pulled it out of the pile of clothes that remained on the floor, it was somewhat misshapen from being at the bottom of the wreckage but salvageable. it was a red teddy with lace and a thong that hugged your curves perfectly. it was comfortable and sexy while also leaving some stuff up to the imagination, you knew haechan would love it. mentally thanking yourself for shaving everything before the gas got turned off, you slipped it on and checked yourself in the mirror, twisting and turning admiring the way it snatched your waist perfectly. you moved to your small vanity and put on light makeup, with plenty of mascara, knowing it would be picture-perfect to let the camera witness as it flows down your cheeks knowing you'd probably end up crying in pleasure soon. you threw on your robe and peeked outside of the door, haechan was nowhere to be seen but you were ready, hyping yourself up there was no backing out now.

you moved towards his door, softly knocking and waiting for him, clit quivering in anticipation. you pictured all the ways he'd have you tonight, silently hoping this would take off and you'd have no choice but to make more videos to appease the viewers that didn't even exist yet. haechan opened the door, he opened his mouth to say something, but closed it quickly. ‘you look beautiful, doll’ he breathed, like he was a tiger, and you were the prey, he took his time taking in your appearance.

you blushed, ‘you look gorgeous too’ he was in a tight-fitted black shirt along with those famous gray sweatpants, and you could barely control yourself. he looked like a god, his brown hair now dark, the light only coming from his room. his features were highlighted under the warm glow, his eyes growing dark in hunger, his nose perfectly sculpted and you were ready to beg him to let you sit on his face, needless to say, he was absolutely divine.

he opened his door wider, ‘shall we start?’ his eyebrow up in question. you nodded walking into his room, entrapped in his space and musk, you could get lost in the space forever. he grabbed your hands like before, ‘do you trust me?’ he was sincere, and you nodded, ‘because everything is about to change’

you nodded, whispering, ‘i can't wait’ you looked up at him, silently pleading for him to do anything at all. he leaned into you, noticing how his eyes kept moving from your eyes to your mouth, bracing yourself and closing your eyes, his breath was on your cheek.

‘the camera is rolling baby’ and with that he graced his lips with yours, moving to a rhythm you both fell into immediately. you could feel the sparks fly as your heart soared, his lips fitting perfectly into yours, soft but also rugged with the way he grabbed your waist and pulled you closer. your body now flush with his, shrugged off your robe you let it fall to the ground, haechan stopped his movements and took a step back. breathing hard and looking over your body in a very new way, staring at him feeling like daniel being thrown into the lion's den, chest heaving up and down you whined due to the surprising lack of contact. ‘fuck, you are so fucking hot baby’ he moaned, going back to the position you were both in. you gave him a coy smile, ‘did you wear this just for me? do you know how crazy i get when you walk around the apartment looking like a total slut? now here you are, in something that barely covers anything’ he grabbed the strap over your shoulder, pulled it back with his finger, and let it slap back on your skin. you sucked in a breath, feeling the slick pool into the thread, on your thighs. ‘not sure what i did to deserve this baby’ he ghosted his hands over your body, grabbing onto your lace-covered tit. you moaned at the contact, his lips now on yours again, moving much rougher and more hungry and teeth clashed together and tongues dancing in dominance. haechan picked you up, lips never leaving yours until he threw you on the bed, landing with a thump, going limp you grabbed the sheets in anticipation, watching as he threw off his shirt and pants. your mouth dropped, ready to take him right now if he wanted. his defined body shone with sweat, abs glistening, eyes finding his happy trail and erection confined in his briefs your mouth watered at the sight. you figured he was blessed with a good length, but now you were wondering if it would even fit.

taking the situation into your own hands, getting on all fours you crawl to him at the end of the bed. ‘haechan, please let me suck your cock’ you begged, yearning for nothing else but to feel his fat and heavy member choke you. he said nothing, acting unimpressed like your pleads didn't meet his expectations. whimpering in desperation, ‘i can show you what you deserve my pretty boy, please use my mouth’ he groaned at the pet name, stroking his length. he took a step in front of you, face now in front of his thick cock.

‘lay on your back’ he ordered, obliging immediately, he grabbed you and brought you towards him, head now hanging slightly off the bed. you watched him upside down stripping himself of his briefs and letting his member free, it slapped against his toned stomach, never taking his eyes off of you as he spit in his palm and pumped his erection. he had such a pretty cock, and your core burned at the beautiful sight in front of you. thighs instinctively rubbing together to create some friction. ‘open up’ mouth falling open he teased the tip on your lips. he pushed his length into your mouth, trying to adjust quickly, haechan started trusting at a small pace, letting you get used to the feeling. haechan shudders at the hot feeling, groaning as you gag on his cock. drool piled up and spilled out of your mouth and all over heachan, he trusted faster losing his mind over the noises you continued to make. you grabbed the sheets under you until your knuckles went white, mind spinning from the position as your best friend fucked your mouth with full force. he grabbed your boob under the lingerie and pinched your nipple making you shiver and cry around his length. he pulled out and you coughed and whipped the spit from your face. moving back into an upright position, collecting yourself, and watching as haechan went to grab the camcorder that sat on his desk. he brought it to your face, ‘did you enjoy sucking my dick?’ he asked.

‘yes’ you breathed, ‘your cock is so pretty and big’ staring into the camera lens, haechan watched you through the screen, his dick jumped in excitement at the lewd scene in front of him. his hand reached behind your head, you accepted it melting into his touch. grabbing your hand he pushed your lips back to his pulsing member, head red with anger and ready to let go. instinctively opening, he pushes it back into your mouth, raggedly pushing the back of your head down his length until your nose touches his pelvis. gagging and slurping up your spit as best as you could, it dribbles down your chin as you moan around him, making him groan at the vibration. as glassy eyes stared into the camera, the camcorder picked up the whimpered sounds as hot, wet tears glided down your cheeks. after a couple of last thrusts haechan lets go of your hair, pushing you off of him, and moves back, ‘give me a show baby, take it off’ you oblige and start with the straps, trying to make it as sexy as possible for the camera. you smile innocently, as you free your tits, moving your hand to play with it, before lifting your lower body to strip yourself naked.

haechan moans, as you toss the garment to the floor, staring up at him he cages you in, climbing on top of you and kissing your neck, violently sucking on the skin and lightly biting, ‘im going to leave so many bruises, so everyone knows you're mine’ he whispered against your sensitive skin. you mewled at his words, the thought of being his. ‘please,’ you gasped through rugged breaths, ‘make me yours’ he placed his knees between your thighs, feeling your wetness as it pooled onto the sheets and him. your hips buckled forward, trying to get some sort of pressure onto your sopping cunt. he continued moving downward, the camcording moving with him, letting it see what he did. he kissed over your boobs, giving them little kitten licks as you moaned at the contact.

finally reaching your entrance, he motioned for you to take the camera and film him, which you did with shaking hands. now pointed at him, he stared into the lens, as you watched him through the screen he delved in, giving your lips small licks which turned into harsh lapping sounds as he abused your clit. he never looked away from the camera, the eye contact making you moan as it felt so intimate, yet so dirty. this really was the best idea he ever had. you hissed as his finger slid into your entrance, so hot and warm, you distinctively moved your hips towards his hand, wanting more. he added another finger, stretching you in preparation, ‘fuck, you are so tight’ he observed, pumping his fingers in and out of you. the coil in your stomach tightened and the air around you felt so heavy, you knew the band was about to snap. shuddering, your eyes and head rolling back ‘i think i’m gonna cum chan’ you whimpered. but, he stopped and his fingers exited your hole with a squelching sound, crying at the loss of contact your head moved back towards his, shooting daggers.

‘i want you to cum on my cock beautiful. watch you fall apart as i fuck you stupid’ he confessed, grabbing the camera from you. now turned back towards you, you gulped, body buzzing and hot at his nasty words. he grabbed your ankles, forcing you closer to him. haechan pushed your legs against your chest, giving him perfect access to your swollen lips. he casts the camcorder downward, ready for the money shot. lining up his tip with your entrance, he pushes in, causing you both to gasp and sigh at the contact. finally bottoming out, his hips reach your thighs, giving you a minute to adjust he started to thrust lightly, making you keen at the feeling of being so full, that, and the wet sounds of your bodies, almost made haechan cum right there on the spot. ‘fuck, you feel so tight baby, you don't know how long i’ve waited for this’ he whimpered, trying to keep himself composed. moaning at his confession you grabbed his arm and brought him down suddenly to kiss you. now in a missionary-esque position, haechan sat the camcorder down on the bed to face you both, sloppy kisses were exchanged, and you both gasped into each other mouths when haechan went deep and hit your sweet spot. moving up to his knees, and grabbing the camcorder, he pulls his hips down harder, drilling into your weeping cunt. you grunted growing incoherent as you babbled about how his dick was so big and for him to keep going, ‘you take me so well pretty girl’ he groaned, zooming in on your fucked out expression, ‘it’s like you were made for me, you're mine baby, all mine’ he breathed, his rhyme becoming sloppy and harder, faster.

you could feel fire start to poll in your lower abdomen, sinking your nails into haechans forearm as he moved circles in your burning clit with his free hand. ‘cum with me baby please’ he begged, ready to release inside of your warm pussy. you tensed feeling the lightning strike as you felt the earth stutter on its axis. groaning loudly, you finally let go, waves of pleasure coarse over your body, walls convulsing griping haechan like a vice. he whimpered above you, stilling his hips as he coated your insides white, curses flew out of his mouth as he made small trusts, loving the feeling of overstimulation. your thighs vibrated and jerked, letting your orgasm die down, haechan pulled out slowly, making you both hiss. he sighed contently, getting up and heading to the bathroom and coming back with a washcloth. he videotaped as his sticky substance dripped from your hole, cleaning you up thoroughly as he continued to zoom in.

‘well… that's a wrap’ he said cheekily and turned off the camera, placing it on his bedside table. you laughed at the comment, moving closer to him as he climbed into bed beside you. heart floating as he pulled you closer, bringing your head to rest on his chest. ‘i think that would win at fucking sundance’ he whispered, making you snort and playfully hit his chest. you both sat in comfortable silence, his fingers ghosting your back, moving up and down.

‘did you mean it? what you said?’ you asked, feeling small in his embrace.

‘what part?’ he ventured, grabbing hold of your shoulder.

‘when you said you had been waiting for this moment, was that real or just for the tape?’ you felt stupid needing clarification. you both had decided to make it overzealous so it would do numbers, he wouldn't think twice to say any of that stuff when money was on the line, or maybe he had meant it and in the heat of the moment confused about what you were also thinking.

‘of course i meant it love, if you can't tell, i’ve been in love with you for a while’ he confessed.

you gasped, head lifting off of his chest to gaze up at him, eyes shown in full sincerity, he went on ‘there's no one else who understands me as you do, you continue to put up with my shit, you're honest when i need it most, but you also support me in everything i do. you spent a week trying to find any companies that would take me on, going as far as to call continually when i never asked you to in the first place’

you groan remembering the hiring manager that had said ‘his resume wasn't good enough’ to which you gave them an earful telling them they would be stupid not to accept him. ‘you laugh at my stupid jokes and you always let me win in league, you are effortlessly beautiful without even trying, even after you have woken up after 15 hours of sleeping, seeing your face walk out of your bedroom door is the best feeling, i get so excited when you come home from work, like i’m a dog waiting for its owner’ you cry as you both sit up, holding each other.

‘haechan… i don't-… you’re my best friend, the person who knows me better than i know myself,’ he wipes small tears pricking from the corners of your eyes, just as they are about to fall ‘you always know when i’m down, you help me with tasks whenever i get frustrated and you never complain, you are my rock and i know i can always rely on you for anything, you’re my home.’ you finished your turn of the confession with a simple, ‘i love you too’

haechan gives you a small kiss, ‘no more crying, we should rest’ moving to turn off the lamp next to him, he puts you in an embrace and lays you down back in your previous position, kissing your hair you let your eyes flutter shut. ‘what if i told you i was a secret billionaire?’ he mumbled.

you squirmed, pretending to be annoyed at his antics, he gripped tighter, trapping you in his warmth, whining ‘please, go to fucking sleep’ you grumbled, finally settling down after a long day of shooting.

you stirred awake as the sunlight from the window hit your eyes, blinking you stretched and sat up, groaning as every muscle seemed to ache after last night. ‘good morning girlfriend’ haechan sang, walking into his room holding a plate of food for you.

‘girlfriend?’ you questioned, grabbing the fake porcelain from him.

he shook his head from side to side ‘mmm well we’re married in my head already, so that’s we can go with for now’

you sighed and nodded, smiling, ‘okay boyfriend, whatever you say’ picking up the bagel you got ready to take a bite when haechan gave you a nervous smile without saying anything, still standing in front of you ‘... what's wrong?’

‘don’t get mad, but hypothetically, what if i told you i forgot to hit record last night’ he cast his eyes downward, obviously trying to hold in a laugh.

you groaned, knowing he was still messing with you, ‘i saw the red light on the camera stupid, you can’t fool me.’ he looked up hearing the crunch from the toasted donut, happily eating away. ‘now come here and massage my back’ he immediately obliged, coming behind you to rub your pain away. ‘and make sure to delete everything before giving the camera to jaemin. please.’

haechan stopped, ‘but he said he wanted to see!!’

you turned around ready to grab him by the neck and not in a good way, ‘HAECHAN’. all he could do was laugh and hug you as tight as he could, never wanting to let go.

‘holy shit babe, come here and look at this’ haechan called from the kitchen, you came buzzing in, eager to see what he had to show you.

‘what is it?’ you mused, glancing down at his phone as he handed it to you.

you gasped, seeing the number of money your videos have made over the past couple of months, ‘that's enough to pay for four months of rent!!’ after a couple of months and making more videos, you started posting them to a private channel online and promoting them in various placing, thus helping you both reach pretty decent number for amateur porn. you even moved into his bedroom and turned your old one into a perfect little studio. 

‘i know!!’ he got up from the table and hugged you in celebration, ‘and we owe it all to our first subscriber and top donator… maybe we can ask him to film for us some time’

you dropped your arms and grimaced, ‘jaemin’

it really was the best idea he ever had, and you love him for it.

[hencheri]

— young lust

▸ 18+ mdni.

You want Mark so badly, but he thinks you’re too young for him. With a little more convincing though, he eventually gives you what you want—in a less than gentle way.

| pairing. rapper!mark x fem!reader

| warnings. mean mean mean mark!!, legal age gap, noncon/dubcon, degradation, reader is mean to mark as well oops, unprotected sex, choking.

| a.n.: this is just self-serving atp. hope it serves y'all too <3

Mark thinks he’s never been eye-fucked this hard before. He’s flattered, of course, but something’s off. 

You’re hot and very tempting, too, there’s no need in denying that. The little dress you’re wearing clings to your ass and he honestly can’t stop looking at it, especially with your back turned to him, occasionally glancing over your shoulder to meet Mark’s eyes. 

Your gaze is so obviously flirtatious, you don’t even try to be subtle. The finger stuck between your teeth and the look you send him tell Mark everything he needs to know; you want him as much as he wants you. 

He imagines your smaller body pressed against the bathroom wall, his hips clashing against your ass roughly, listening to your moans muffled by the loud music playing throughout the club. He sees it, that slutty mouth chanting his name like a prayer as he gropes your breasts with his palms through your dress. 

Mark looks at you before taking a sip from his alcoholic drink, then shifts his gaze back to Jisung standing in front of him.

“You know each other?” 

He’s taken off guard by the question, taking a second to respond. 

“Uh, no,” he thinks about what to say, but he really doesn’t have a clue on how to explain this… exchange. “We… we don’t.” 

Jisung sports a perplexed yet amused expression on his face. “So where is all that tension coming from?”

Mark raises a brow, eyeing you one last time, but you’re not looking at him anymore. 

“I’m not sure,” he admits, a faint smirk drawing on his lips. “Do you know her?” Mark asks in return, a little curious. 

He won’t lie that he likes the mystery of all this, not knowing who you are adds to the desire, to the inexplicable lust that draws him to you. He wants to mess around, do what he wishes just because he can. And that includes you. He wants to do you so bad. 

“Yeah, of course, we’re in the same company,” Jisung tells him, “she’s in this new girl group, you know. Up in the charts, just right under you,” his friend grins, looking at Mark to see his reaction.

He’s surprised for a second, uttering a “really?” and Jisung nods his head as a yes. 

Mark never pays attention to the charts, even though he gets reminded of them practically everyday. He’s aware of his success—way too aware of it—but he’s not the artist obsessed with numbers. He knows he makes good music and it’s all that matters to him. 

“I don’t know how you still haven’t heard of them already,” Jisung continues, “of her, especially.” He tilts his head in your direction, now both men’s attention on you. “Everyone’s fond of her.”

“Are you?” Mark wonders, narrowing his eyes at his friend. 

“Sure,” Jisung agrees, “she’s a sweetheart. Seems down to earth, for the few times we’ve talked.” 

This intrigues Mark. Does a sweetheart usually act so slutty with strangers? Perhaps he’s not a stranger to you, you very probably know him—everybody does—but he doesn’t think he’s ever gotten a girl this bold with him. And surely not someone who’s proclaimed to be a sweetheart, in this industry where anything opposite to pureness is unacceptable. 

He can feel your gaze on him now and he doesn’t hesitate to lock eyes with you once again. You laugh at whatever the person you’re talking to said, almost having Mark envious for not being the one making you laugh right now. 

You’re good at this, he thinks. Really good. Staring straight into his eyes, making him feel like he’s the centre of your attention when in reality you’re talking with someone else. If he could, he would take you with him, bring you to his car and fuck you directly onto his shiny leather seats, door wide open. He knows you’d love it. 

“Is she your age?” he says, taking a sip of his drink, eyes still on you until he hears Jisung’s answer.

“Uh, no, not exactly,” his friend responds, “younger, in fact.” 

He immediately breaks eye-contact with you, looking back at Jisung. Mark feels his heart starting to beat a little faster, suddenly anxious. Or is it embarrassment? Concern? Whatever it is, the desire he once felt, has now shifted. 

“What? How old?”

“Well, I’m not sure, Mark. 21, maybe?” Jisung frowns, trying to recall what you’d told him, but it wasn't information he really registered back then. 

Mark gulps down. He knew something was off, why didn’t he listen to his intuition?

He’s 25 and you’re 4 years younger than him. You’re barely an adult. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve gone soft now,” Jisung chuckles, noticing the deflated expression on his face. 

“Barely.” 

He empties his glass, settling it down on the counter near him after. He tells Jisung he’ll come back in 5, heading for the bathrooms. 

—-

Mark washes his hands in the sink, drying them off with a towel. He looks at himself in the mirror, leaning over the counter. The music is loud, making the ground vibrate under his feet, making it almost impossible for him to think. Maybe it’s a good thing, he can’t overthink, then. 

“You’ve abandoned me,” he hears a voice saying, lifting up his head just in time to see you entering the bathrooms. “I was wondering where you’ve been gone…” 

Your voice is as sultry as your eyes, as sensual as your body in this ridiculously tight dress. He can’t help but wander his eyes over your figure, looking at what now feels so immoral. If it wasn’t for that—morality—he wouldn’t stop himself from taking you right here and there, but something has to stop him. 

If nothing ever does, god knows all the things he would’ve done since now. 

You approach Mark with slow steps, a teasing smile on your lips, a very precise idea in mind. He wants to back away, leave, forget about everything, but he doesn’t. He’s curious, tempted. 

“Or maybe that’s where you wanted me to be?” you grin, putting your hand around his bicep, the other leaning on top of the counter. 

He stares back at you, unconvinced. “I was about to leave,” he explains, and he sees the glint in your eyes changing. You don’t like rejection. 

“Really?” you utter, the tone of your voice a pitch higher— sounding somewhat bitter. “I swore there was something between us… With the way you were looking at me,” you say, your hand lingering on his arm before removing it. “Do you often look at women like you want to fuck them and then leave them, Mark?”

This confirms that you know him. For some reason, he feels uneasy about the fact that he knows nothing about you but you know all about him. 

You get even closer, only a few centimetres before your body touches him. 

Truthfully, you were the only ever girl he was about to do this to. It didn’t feel like a big deal when he thought about it, but now that he’s been caught, he feels a little guilty. 

“I didn’t take you for a coward,” you whisper.

Mark arches his brow at that, wondering how in the hell did he get in such a situation. Getting called a coward by a brat? By a spoiled little girl who didn’t have to lift a finger for success to find her? 

“You should go back to your friends,” he carefully advises. 

But you find it funny, laughing softly. “So you are a coward, Mark Lee,” you mockingly say, tone condescending, tongue pressing behind your bottom teeth as his name leaves your mouth. “Are you afraid of something? Don’t worry, I don’t bite. Unless you’re into it?”

He keeps his hands away from you, as if the mere feeling of your skin under his fingertips would break down his barriers. He turns his head to the side, away from yours, as you roughly pull on his belt, your chest finally pressed down against his. 

“I know you want me,” you whine, “to touch me… Fuck me.” 

If he could only fall into temptation… Maybe it’d be easier to just follow his desires. Well, in the meantime it would be, but after? What if he regrets it? What if you regret it? He can’t sleep with every girl he sees. 

He never goes for anyone that is younger than him. Not that much, at least. What kind of man would he be? 

But goddamn, why are you so insistent? Why are you making it so difficult for him?

“You’re too young, okay?” 

You take a step back, letting go of him. Your eyebrows are frowned and you look at Mark like he’s the biggest idiot on earth. 

You scoff. “So that’s what you’re afraid of? My age?” 

You cross your arms over your chest, Mark turning his head toward you now that you’ve put some distance between you. 

“What did Jisung tell you?”

“That you’re 21,” he answers, wondering what you’re going to tell him. After all, what Jisung said could have been bullshit. He hopes, for a moment, that it was. 

Your lips quirk up, a chuckle leaving you. You look to the side then back to Mark. “I’m 20.”

His eyebrows knit together, annoyed that you find this funny again. What else can he expect from a 20 year old anyway? That you take this seriously? 

“You find this funny? Do you realize how much older I am?” 

“Yeah,” you nod, “and that’s why it’s funny. You’re scared of what? A five year difference?”

You step forward again, but Mark backs away this time, hitting the counter behind him. 

“You’re a fucking puss,” you insult him, full of arrogance. 

But something you didn’t expect happens; Mark knocks his body into yours, making you stumble back as he follows you until your back is flushed against the bathroom stall. His hand goes fast to your neck, squeezing. 

He leans in, the expression on his face furious. He doesn’t feel guilty anymore.

“You act like a spoiled little bitch and you wonder why I don’t want you?” For the first time tonight, you’re speechless. His nose brushes over your temple, so close you feel his breath fanning across your face. “Fucking learn how to accept when people tell you no. Learn to shut your mouth from time to time because they won’t like your ass in this industry if you keep this entitled attitude up.”

You’re looking down as Mark’s eyes bore into your skull, blood creeping up to your cheeks. You gulp, not having a word to say in return. You’d rather not talk back.

He eventually lets go of you, turning around and walking out, leaving you alone and… turned on. 

—-

“Hi, Markie.”

The last person he expected to see when entering his studio is certainly you. The only person supposed to be here is Jisung, and yet, here you are, smiling, eyes glinting teasingly. 

He looks at you, then at Jisung, sitting in front of his computer. He turns around on the rolling chair, totally unfazed by the fact that he brought a stranger into Mark’s studio. 

“What is this?” 

“This?” you question, but he ignores you, walking straight to his friend.

“Uh, well, you’ve already met I believe, no?” Jisung asks, slightly confused. He says your name and it’s all it takes to irritate Mark. “She wanted to come see us work, learn a thing or two. I thought it was a great idea.”

Jisung’s innocence is a good thing sometimes, really. It’s refreshing, quite funny, too, but right now, Mark wishes he wasn’t so credulous all the damn time. 

“It didn’t come to you to, maybe, ask for my permission?” he whispers, leaning in so you don’t properly hear him. 

Jisung’s brows raise up, simply shrugging. “Not really,” he admits, “I thought it wouldn’t bother you. I told you, she’s a sweetheart, and she promised to not interrupt too much. Right?” Jisung turns to you and your smile gets bigger, bobbing your head. 

“Absolutely.”

Mark looks hard at you, not believing this one second. Has god sent you on this earth to test him? 

You stare back at him sweetly, and he swears, if it wasn’t for Jisung’s presence, Mark would have made you regret it. Bitterly. 

Surprisingly, you did keep your promise. You didn’t disturb them once, even pretending to care about what they were working on. You seemed close to Jisung, actually being kind to him, the total opposite of how you were behaving the other night. You’re good at playing pretend, Mark realizes. 

Your eyes were on him the entire time, though. You had the same look as he recalled, eye-fucking him right here in his studio. He was pissed off, to say the least, but he didn’t make a comment. That would’ve been weird to say anything in front of Jisung and the last thing he wants is him thinking there’s something happening between you two— because there’s nothing.

He just hoped the end of the day would come rapidly, and it did, to Mark’s relief. 

With Jisung and you gone, he can finally work peacefully, nobody undressing him with their eyes. 

That is until he comes back into his studio.

“What the fuck are you still doing here?” 

He’s lost all of his patience to be respectful to you now. He really doesn’t give a shit. How can someone be so stubborn?

“Told Ji’ I was going to call a taxi,” you explain, getting up from the sofa you’ve been sitting on. “I lied,” you smirk. 

Mark blinks at you, too shocked to say anything. You use the opportunity to get closer, bringing him to you, and then pushing him onto the sofa behind him. 

“Call me ‘too young’ all you want, I recognize a pervert when I see one.”

You don’t think twice before straddling his lap, sitting down on his thighs. Your hands come to rest on his shoulders, and even though Mark sends you the most murderous glare in the world, he does nothing to push you away. 

Curiosity, temptation. 

“If you didn’t know my age, you would have fucked me right against the bathroom stall if I had asked you to,” you affirm confidently, and there’s truth behind your words. Of course there is, Mark knows what he thought of you at first— what position he imagined you in, the sounds you’d make.

“Get off of me,” Mark barks back, his frowned eyebrows giving him this angry look that you like so much. 

You roll your eyes, sighing. “Here I thought I was the whiny little one, but you’re whinier than I am, Markie.”

“I’m not fucking whining, I’m giving you an order.”

“Get me off then,” you propose, grabbing both of his wrists and putting his hands on your hips. “Go on, do it. Or are you too scared to touch me?” You provoke him further, knowing you’ll eventually make him break down, sooner or later. 

“You don’t want me to, believe me.”

His threat has you shivering… and excited. 

“Why’s that?” you wonder, subtly moving your hips over his lap. “You’re sure you’re not the little bitch, hm, Markie?”

You should have expected him to snap sooner, because the moment you say this, he pins you down on the couch, you underneath him. His hold on your wrists is nothing gentle and you can’t even move them. If before you felt like the master of your own game, well now you’ve lost all sense of power, being Mark’s puppet and not the opposite. 

You’re shocked. Scared.

His hand closes immediately around your face, squishing your cheeks between his fingers. “Be disrespectful to me once again and I’ll break your fucking jaw,” he spits at you. “Has anybody ever told you to respect your elders, huh? I bet fucking not,” he snorts, “I’ll teach you some manners myself.”

You don’t understand until he reaches under your skirt, pulling down on your panties. Your eyes widen, letting out whines of protest.

“Stop, stop!” you stress out, trying to grab Mark’s hands now that yours are free. 

But he merely laughs, probably the first time you’ve ever heard him. “Ah, now you want me to stop? After all the begging you did so I’d fuck you.”

Mark doesn’t stop, working on his belt, undoing his pants. 

Your heart accelerates, and despite the worried look on your face, your eyes starting to water, the turn of events please you all too much. 

You briefly fight with him, pushing on his chest like a little girl, whimpering pathetically. Mark stays unfazed, easily taking both of your wrists in one hand and pinning it down above your head. He grunts as he pushes his hard cock into you, a gasp escaping your lips as you feel your walls expanding. 

You blink multiple times, taking a deep breath, and the tears roll down the side of your face, disappearing into your hair. It burns, but you’re so wet. 

You ask yourself if Mark knows you’re faking it, but with how delighted he seems to be forcing himself on you, you doubt that he does. Whatever pleases him. 

“It hurts!” You cry out, wiggling your legs, attempting to close them—to no avail—while he pushes himself all the way inside of your pussy. 

Mark snickers. He couldn’t care less.

“Oh, it hurts?” You nod, gulping down. “Tell me why it hurts.”

He doesn’t wait to move his hips back and forth, using you for his own sick pleasure right away without any second thought. You wanted this. You asked for this. Why should he be careful of you now? You shouldn’t have been so eager. Shouldn’t have acted like such a slut. 

“It-” you begin, but a moan of pain cuts you off, Mark’s hips slapping violently against yours; it has your body moving up, your head hitting the armrest of the couch. “You’re- You’re too…”

“Am I going too rough on your virgin little cunt? Poor girl,” he coos, almost laughing in your face. “Too bad I don’t give a shit, huh?”

You sob out when he keeps on with the assault of his hips, his cock defiling your pussy like you’ve never imagined before. Mark knocks the air out of your lungs, panting heavily above you, his already short nails digging into the fat of your thigh. 

You squirm around, pulling on your wrists, none of your attempts are successful— not like you want them to be anyway, but giving Mark a little of a fight is more fun. 

“Please, Mark, I’m sorry,” you beg, lips trembling. 

His eyes, filled with lust and hate at the same time, lay on you. 

“You should’ve thought about it before pushing me over the edge, if it’s pity you wanted.”

[makkir0ll]

"you have really long eyelashes"

it catches him off guard. you guys are just laying in your bed scrolling on your own phones. he didn't even feel you staring at him. how long have you been looking?

"thanks?" he replies

"no i mean seriously like drop the lash serum." you joke at him as you continue to observe him.

they're long and thick. the kind of lashes that have a natural curl, unlike yours, that fall straight down and take several minutes to curl to your perfect liking. not to mention the layers of mascara you apply to get them to even remotely look like his.

he turns his head to you and you don't miss his dilated pupils as his eyes bore into yours. you take note of how the lashes perfectly frame his eyes. and you're so jealous.

but then an idea pops into your head, you smile to yourself and he senses it coming.

"can i-"

"no" he cuts you off.

"babe please you don't even know what i was about to say!" you grab onto his shoulder as you plead.

"whatever it is im sure it's going to be bad." he retorts, turning his face away from you and going back on his phone.

"i'll buy you you're favorite food."

and that's how you end up here on his lap with your mascara in your hand. his hair is pushed back as his hands rest on your hips, drawing small circles as he awaits your actions.

you open the bottle with the black liquid and bring the wand close to his eyes. "don't move" you whisper and he listens. mainly because he's scared that you're going to poke his eye out as you bring the wand to the base of his eyelashes and wiggle it slowly before moving it up to coat the length of the lashes. some of the mascara gets on his eyelids. you repeat the actions on the other eye before going back and doing a second coat. you can tell that he might be slightly nervous that you're going to blind him with the way he holds his breath and the grip he has on your hips get ever so slightly tighter.

you move yourself off his lap and he goes to grab his phone so he can see what he looks like.

"wait no not yet, i'm still not done" you say as you go and grab ur q-tips and micellar water.

"still?"

"yes still, i need to clean up the mascara on your eyelids," you say as you place yourself back on his lap. you open the bottle of micellar water and carefully put the clear liquid on the q-tip. you bring the white stick of cotton to his eyes and you tell him to close them. he feels the wet cotton and it's a weird feeling. you watch the q-tip turn darker the more mascara you wipe off.

"okay i'm done!" you say and he opens his eyes and you don't think he's ever looked more majestic. his already long lashes looking even longer and bolder now that he has the mascara to bring them out. you notice that the color of his eyes pop more. "you look so pretty" you smile as lean in to pepper kisses along his face. his cheeks feel warm and he can already tell that they're probably red.

he reaches over to his phone and opens the camera app and switches the camera so he can see himself. and he immediatly notices the stark difference in his eyes with the mascara. he brings his fingers to his lashes to touch them. it feels weird and his eyes kind of feel weighed down. but he has no regrets when he sees you smiling at him so fondly.

"they look nice." he smiles at you, dropping his phone to the side.

"i know right, ugh im so jealous i wish i had your lashes. all my problems would be solved." you say, thinking about the long and excruciating lash routine you perform every morning.

"all of them?"

"yes, all of them."

he chuckles at your words. "alright, but can you take it off now, it feels weird." he says, hands coming to touch his lashes again. you pout as you grab the micellar water you put away and a cotton pad and remove the mascara from his eyelashes, being gentle so that he doesn't lose a few. he appreciates the action. and maybe he would let you put more than just mascara on his face another day.

KAGEYAMA (has the best lashes argue with the wall), suna, tsukishima (genuinely terrified that you're going to make him go blind), OSAMU, kuroo, MATSUKAWA MY LOVE, iwaizumi, OIKAWA (he would eat that shit up), akaashi, kenma, +ur fav.

[sanemistar]

i won’t let you go — satoru gojo

contains ★ satoru x gn!reader, established relationship, angst to fluff, petnames (baby, love, babe, etc.), 1k wc. ﾉ requested for my milestone event.

event m.list ★ jjk m.list

ever since you and satoru have started dating, you heard a lot of gossip and side talks from people around you about how he's never been faithful to any of his past lovers, how he lets them go after less than six months, saying that he no longer finds them interesting, that he's done being with them, how he's never truly loved and probably never will be able to love anyone. that he's a selfish man who's nothing but a player who toys with people's hearts then tosses them away when it's all over. and you’re no exception, as it’s only a matter of time before you meet the same fate as them.

he'll let you go and forget about you as if you two have never met, because satoru gojo is incapable of loving anyone.

however, you pay no attention to these words. and even if what they say is true, you still refuse to believe that it's anything but mere nonsense. and decide to fully trust satoru like you always do.

because the satoru you know and love, the man you're dating right now, your loving boyfriend, is deeply and madly in love with you. the way he kisses you ever so passionately, how he whispers the sweetest of love words to you all the time, and how he holds you in his arms tightly every night as you doze off to sleep listening to his heartbeat. no way he's leaving you, is it? you're certain of that. after all, he's promised that he'll always love you, that he'll never leave your side no matter what, that he'll never let you be alone without him. because he can't live without you.

he finds comfort in you, you're his home as he claims. and you feel the same way about him, you can't live without him either.

although, you try your best to brush these thoughts off. you can't help but wonder if it's true that he'll let you go the same way he did with the ones before you, that he'll break all these promises about being together forever.

unaware, you let these thoughts consume you as you slowly drown in sorrow.

your head starts spinning as you begin imagining the moment he breaks it down for you that he's leaving, that he no longer wants to be with you, that he's done with you. and your stomach is instantly clenched in a knot. you feel a painful pang in your heart as it gets heavier and heavier by the second.

just when you’re about to get completely lost in your thoughts, you feel a soft touch on your shoulder. you turn around and it’s none other than satoru. he cheekily smiles at you, but his cheerful expression quickly changes into a concerned, panicked one the second you start crying.

“…toru.” you sniffle as you start sobbing uncontrollably, hot tears begin to overflow out of your now red eyes like how water flows from an overfilled cup. he rests his hand on your cheek, his thumb caresses your skin delicately as he leans in. he presses feather like kisses on your face and eyes, gently kissing your salty tears away.

“why’s my baby cryin’? what’s wrong, love?” he questions, his tone is a mix of tenderness and concern. a worried look is shown in his ocean blue eyes, it pains him tremendously seeing your teary eyes and sad face, he simply can’t stand it.

you blink, eyelashes wet from crying so much. and you pause momentarily, hesitant to let the words come out of your mouth.

“i just… thought about you possibly.. leaving me alone and..” you utter in between your sniffles, lips slightly twitching. satoru doesn’t let you continue and cuts you off mid sentence.

what you don’t know is, satoru needs you far more than you need him. you're the only one who loves him for who he is as just an ordinary human and not the strongest, you allow him to be himself freely without any restrictions, he doesn't have to fake anything around you. and most importantly, you’re the one who’s introduced him to love, you’ve shown him what it’s like to truly love someone. so leaving you has never been an option to him. the thought has never crossed his mind, not even once.

"babe listen, ‘kay?” he speaks tenderly as he rests his other hand on your cheek, cupping your face in his big hands as he brings you closer to him. eyes pierced on one another, locked in an unwavering gaze, as if you're staring into one another's soul.

“no way i’m leavin’ you, not now, not ever. so don't think about that anymore, 'kay? we’re stuck together for life." he reassures you, the tone of his voice is so soft and sweet, yet affirmative and serious. he then slightly brushes his nose against yours and it tickles you a little before his hands let go of your face, only to pull you in his arms instead. your eyes widen for a split second before you rest your head gently against his broad, well toned chest. your hands grip the back of his shirt tightly, holding onto him for dear life as you steady yourself listening to his calming heartbeat. his slender fingers delicately run through your hair while pressing a series of quick, loving pecks on the top of your head.

he smiles the moment he feels you relax in his embrace. to satoru, you being in his arms as he feels your warmth against his skin is everything he’s ever needed. as long as you’re here with him, that’s more than enough for him, he doesn’t need anything or anyone else.

“i won’t let you go.” he whispers ever so softly against your ear, his voice rings in your ears like a sweet melody. and you hum quietly, smiling against his chest as your eyes slowly shut in relief. you let yourself trust him once more as his earnest words wash over the little doubts that have been there.

𝜗𝜚 taglist: @sylusdoll @stunies @itoshivy @hanaeriin @spkyssn @17020 @kalsplace

[ms-demeanor]

In my college American poetry class we had to do memorized readings of three poems, one of the ones I chose was Langston Hughes' "Weary Blues" because I'd already built a dramatic performance of it in high school.

This was an interesting college class because it was tiny (16 students at the start of the quarter, 12 at the end) and because it was *poetry* a lot of people in the class fudged the readings and did them the day of class, which meant that they weren't really prepared to discuss them. After two excruciating classes in a row where I was the only person ready to discuss the readings (in the second class I literally had to sit on my hands to keep myself from trying to speak after the professor said "Alli cannot answer for the rest of the hour, somebody else say something" and then nobody did for another ten minutes of the most awkward silence I have ever encountered), the professor brought in lyric sheets for "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess.

He started the class with our normal written quiz, then asked who was ready to talk. I was, because of course I was, but nobody else raised their hands.

"If you're not going to talk, then you're going to sing," he said, and handed out lyrics to everyone. "We are all adults, and we have an adult agreement that you will read the assignments and be prepared to discuss them, and I will lead discussions and teach you about the readings. You are not holding up your end of the agreement like adults, so I'm treating you like children, and your participation for the last three classes will not be based on your quizzes - which is good news for a lot of you - but on doing a sing-along today. So I'm going to sing this first, then we're going to sing it five times together, and then we're going to talk about the song together, and you are going to do your readings before my next class or I am going to be handing out more lyrics and we'll sing another song together like kindergartens."

That class is why the four students who dropped did so, but everyone who stayed was prepared for discussions for the rest of the quarter.

Anyway, that was before our second poetry presentation so by that point I'd already sung with these people and had no shame, so i decided I was going to actually sing the singer's part in "Weary Blues."

I recorded it on my phone and asked my friend Lindsey, who was in the class and happened to be a choir director, to listen to it and tell me if it sounded terrible. She said that it did not and asked if I had any vocal training and I said no and she said "you should join a choir" and i felt very flattered and continued practicing and memorizing the poem.

We had to give critiques of each person's performance, and most people were generally polite like you normally would be when giving feedback, but apparently one young woman was still pissed at me for being a suck-up and doing the assigned readings.

"First of all i couldn't even pay attention to the rest of the poem because you sound like a man. I think singing was a weird choice and singing like a man made it impossible for me to take your reading seriously" and i was a bit surprised (so were other people) but simply said "thank you, that's good to know, i was trying to sound like a man because the speaker in the poem describes the singer as a man, it's good to know i hit that mark" and we moved on.

Lindsey and the professor both checked in on me at the end of class, Lindsey to say "practice made that sound really really really good you should join a choir" and the professor to say "i was leery when you asked to sing part of your poem, i don't usually allow that but I'm glad i did" and both to ask if I was upset by the other student's comments.

I was not upset. Mentally i was jumping up and down and doing backflips and was bummed because the other student was probably just being mean and didn't actually think my voice sounded masculine.

But now I'm finding videos with titles like "is that my mom or a dude? Learning about the contralto range" and I'm like haha wait yeah, gender euphoria is stored in the vocal cords.