#but yknow. i'll put my energy where it wants to go

[crimeronan]

there's been a lot of discussion of the horror genre and story craft on my dash lately & while i've seen plenty of things i've disagreed with or had quibbles about, it HAS made me realize that part of my struggle with plotting/drafting the og fiction project has been about.... just.... sanitizing the narrative. the internal messaging of "you can't write this because no one will want it and it's bad" is so fucking strong even when i've spent FOREVER unpacking and talking about how self-policing kills creativity. whoops

like. it's a story about the ugliness of chronic illness and the brutality of exploitation and the callousness of ingrained social norms. of course it's going to be fucking ugly and brutal and callous. why am i trying to pretend that it's anything else.

[freckliedan]

how do i know if i prefer mono or poly

the only person who can answer that for you is you, anon! i am also not booksmart on polyamory; i just know things about me and people i'm in community with.

i think the answer is to ask yourself questions, and be honest with yourself about your answers? and it's ok if the answers to some of the questions are "i won't know without experience."

i'll list some questions i'd ask if i was in your shoes under the cut

do i have the capacity to find more than one person hot at the same time? to have a crush on more than one person at the same time?

those are morally neutural traits either way, and don't mean you HAVE to be poly if the answer is yes; healthy monogamy has room to acknowledge other people are hot sometimes! but basically asking yourself if you have the capacity for poly desire.

on that note: is dating and/or having sex something i enjoy and want to experience more, with more people?

this one's pretty straightforward. beyond having the capacity for poly desires, would acting on them be enjoyable? would it make you happy and enrich your life?

how would i feel about a partner finding someone else attractive? having a crush on someone else? how would i feel about a partner going on dates with or having casual sex with someone else?

does the way you feel about that change depending on the hypothetical other person's gender? does it change if the hypothetical person your partner is being romantic and/or sexual with is someone you already know? (queer relationships often begin with friendship, yknow?)

jealousy and insecurity still happen in poly relationships! knowing those may come up in some of these scenarios doesn't mean you should automatically Not Consider Polyamory. if the amount of jealousy and insecurity that would come up would make you miserable and outweigh any potential positives, polyamory might not be right for you.

but there's some beautiful emotions that come up, too—being happy that the person you love loves someone and is loved by them & finding joy in their happiness feels amazing.

i will also say: if you have negative feelings about a partner having connection with people of one gender but not another, you likely have some biphobia to unpack, and i would reccomend doing so. i don't ask this out of assumptions about you personally, but because i know it comes up with some frequency.

how do you feel about communication? is it something you enjoy? do you do your best to be proactive when you have an upset or need to talk about? do you put effort into commenting on what is positive and what you are happy about? how able are you to notice and express your needs—do you expect others to figure them out witout telling them, or do you take responsibility and ownership of where you're at?

if you don't have experience dating, you can think about your communication style in other areas of your life. you also don't have to be textbook perfect. but communication is a huge part of polyamory. i and the people i am in community with who are polyamorous all are people who love to communicate and self reflect and who have put a lot of time and energy into developing these skills! it takes a lot of talking and being honest about where you're at.

to elaborate on this with personal experience. right now i am in a romantic/sexual partnership with my husband, and a number of platonic partnerships. and three of those partnerships are in a place where we share mutual attraction we might be acting on in the next year 🤞.

knowing there's attraction there and that we might act on it is something i've talked about with those people, but also my husband, and also a couple other platonic partners of mine who i often process things with.

the conversations with my husband have been along the lines of checking in about where we both still are about polyamory in our relationship, how they might feel about my relationships with some of our friends changing, me gauging & processing my emotions, and us affirming our connection.

my conversations with friends i am blurring the line between romantic and platonic with have included:

talking a lot about how we feel about polyamory and the polyamory we are doing separately from each other

talking about what our connection at the present means to us and building a solid foundation in communication—these are people i am continually saying "i like xyz about you/us" "i appreciate abc" "this is a way i like being treated" & checking in about boundaries and needs ("is there a way i can show up for you right now?" "i'd love if ___, but choose what works for your energy level!"). it's easy to say no to or hear no from them. and that's in casual conversation every time we see each other!

talking about views on sex and bodies and attraction. me and each of these friends are on similar pages about thinking sex is cool and just another activity, and something you can share with friends. they're people who i know are proactive about safe sex, too.

being open about finding each other hot.

that lead to conversations about whether we wanted to start with kissing and maybe add more to our current dynamic, & in those conversations a few months back i said i DID want that someday, but that things were not good with my mental health and that i wanted to wait to experience that kind of change, but probably less than a year.

my conversations with other platonic partners mostly have covered: me processing where i'm at in the present with mental health concerns and how it effects the potential changes in dynamic; excitement about how much i love these friends; processing past experiences with polyamory and how they impacted my self perception in the present, reprocessing what happened in the past in the now.

that's kind of a long side tangent, but like. best example i could give of the amounts of communication that might be happening regarding a single topic?

it's not always easy? like, it takes effort. but it is rewarding, and fills my life with meaning, and choosing this for myself is how i am able to be my most authentic self, live my values, and experience the most joy.

back to the list of questions.

how do you understand and navigate consent?

i don't mean this just about sex. something i've noticed as a very helpful skillset in many of my poly friends and something i have been intentionally doing since i was a teen is actively practicing consent. valuing others' autonomy and boundaries in all day to day conversations and scenarios helps make it easier in more complex situations? here's a post that has a bunch of examples of what i mean. 

not a requirement. but do you have things to unpack around consent, or an already thriving consent practice that will make exploring polyamory easier?

on that note: how skilled are you at setting boundaries? how are you at responding to others' boundaries? how do you act when you find that that you have been wrong/hurt someone? how do you act when someone has hurt or wronged you? how do you navigate healing and repair when there is harm between you and another? how do you navigate it when nobody is in the wrong for the hurt that happened? how do you navigate it when someone is?

i find it important to ask about these communication skills in specific because like. it is inevitable in all relationships that sometimes you get hurt and hurt others! often we do not know something will hurt us or our partner until it has happened: we're all continually learning.

there are many, many new experiences to be had with polyamory! which is awesome, but also means there are many situations in which someone might realize they are hurt and need to communicate that. will you be able to navigate your own & others' hurt in a way that strengthens connections? will you be able to identify what a relationship-ending hurt or pattern of hurts looks like?

where are you at regarding trust, security, insecurity and jealousy in relationships? have you been hurt in the past in ways that make trust and security a challenge for you? do you feel able to reach out for affirmation when you feel insecure? how do you process jealousy when it comes up? how do you navigate all of these things when a partner experiences them?

equally important to communication imo. i am an extremely unjealous person so can't speak much on this? when i experience jealousy i view that as my heart notifying me of a potential need. "i am jealous that person A is doing something with someone else" = "i want/need more connection with person A, or to communicate about expectations i maybe haven't expressed, or to talk about how comfortable i am hearing in detail about their other connections".

how are your scheduling skills, if you start having a Lot of connections? how much free time do you have to share? if you're currently in a relationship or have an idea of what mono relationships look like, are you (& your partner, if you have one) prepared for that to change in the future?

it might not just be about how you spend your time. sexual boundaries might change; if you and your partner are interested in one romantic connection but starting to explore casual sex, and you've not been using any std protection because you're committed monogamously—what do best sexual health practices look like moving forward? if you're looking for multiple romantic connections, how are you going to navigate social functions (family events, work events) where you maybe can only bring one partner?

are you open to platonic partnerships? what would that look like to you? how would that be different from friendship or best friendship?

not a requirement! but a part of polyamory to me. my platonic partners are people i love and share commitment, emotional intimacy, decisionmaking and a lot of material resources with, and who i prioritize and who prioritize me in return. not sharing sex or romance doesn't make it a less important connection to me. this isn't a part of everyone's polyamory though!!!

what do you think polyamory looks like? if you know there's more than one type, what do you think fits you the best? do you believe in hierarchy? is marriage important to you?

there are so many different ways polyamory can look. i am mostly familiar with relationship anarchy (oppsed to hierarchy) and can't really speak at length about other forms. if relationship anarchy is right for you, how do you square with the fact that we live in a hierarchical society? you can only marry one person. there's benefits, but how does attaining legal legitimacy with one connection impact your others? do you plan on having kids?

what does a rich and beautiful life full of meaningful connections and partnerships look like to you? what parts of monogamy and monogamous culture are a part of your life only because you feel like they have to be? are there parts you would choose away from? parts you would choose to keep?

not all poly relationships are equal triads, though i think that's a popular conception! people don't always choose to live with all or any of their partners—solo poly is a thing!

there's a general conception of what building relationship commitment and intimacy looks like in monogamous relationships; dating, sleeping together, meeting friends and family, living together/becoming financially involved, pets, marriage, kids. being the single most inportant person in one another's lives & meeting all of each other's needs.

some people unpack whether this idea of how relationships function and what is significant to them when they figure out they're not straight, and some people don't. polyamory as i know it exists in direct opposition to the idea that you should have one other partner who is the most significant person in your life and who meets all of your needs.

so figuring out what you genuinely desire and what your life can look like if you live it that way—even if the answer for you is not polyamory? i think it's worth it. having a strong community outside of a romantic partner even before i realized i was poly was one of the best things in my life—i have never believed the one person who's everything idea.

you super don't have to have an answer to all of those questions to start trying things. these are just some more specific things you can think about. and very importantly: starting to explore polyamory does not require the strengths you might develop over time if you find it is right for you.

for emphasis on the not having to know thing:

my path to figuring out i was polyamorous was. learning in a sociology class about poly activists fighting for marriage equality/separating the contracts marriage is and being able to share them with more than one person. going "i love my partner but would marry all of my super close friends i wish i could live with if it was legal". having a several month breakdown questioning if i was in love with all of my friends, including a lot of crying to landslide (glee version) in my car while writing questionable poetry parked at the beach.

me and my partner having been on the same page re: celebrity hypotheticals (if famous person asked me out, what would you do? be happy you were happy, i just would still want to be in your life. maybe watch 😳) for a while. us realizing we both had crushes on our best friend bc we both had sexy dreams about them & talked abt it with each other. assessing that odds were good it was mutual. asking him out.

so basically. the only things i was for sure on at that point were my capacity for the desire, opposition to hierachical relationships & the idea that one person should be your everything, and commitment to treating the people i cared about well. none of us knew what we were doing.

we dated for a year, broke up bc external circumstances were making it impossible for our relationship to thrive and that was the option that would let us keep our friendship, and then moved in together a year after that. all while coworkers. very messy path but he's still one of both of our best friends & family to both of us so. it worked for us.

also, for fun, some of what in retrospect were baby poly experiences i had:

in fandoms, not really getting most ship wars/being way more down to multiship than a lot of fans around me

after first being exposed to poly ships, just really enjoying them and seeking them out, for smut fics but also for relationship focused fics. for no particular reason

thinking it's very stupid that most people treat romance as a tier above friendship, and living that value while dating. (being intentional about prioritizing a couple of close friendships equally to my romantic partnership)

wanting to live in a group setting with the friends i was closest with and wanted to grow old with

i know this is just fifty more questions for you to think about. and i really want to shout it that you don't have to have answers to these questions to start trying things!!!!! trying things is one of the best ways to discover yourself!!!!!!!! but i hope that i've given you things to think about that help you evaluate where you're at?

good luck!

[2snuffseb]

Forcemasc anon again

Thinking about how sensual it is to inject you with my t, I'm basically building you into a fuckable little brother

Yknow t is going to make you horny right? It's like the number one side effect, but I'll help you out, I'll make you feel good, I know where is the most sensitive, I know the kind of sensation nipples feel after being trapped beneath a binder all day, I know the indescribable feeling as prostate cells begin to form inside you, and I'll torture so you never forget it

I know that your energy will get higher, I know that you'll probably get AMI (adolescent male immortality, basically you feel unkillable, apparently its pretty common on t) and I'll let you believe it, just so I can fuck you more aggressively

You think I can't hurt you, you're untouchable, but it makes me cockier, teasing you and harming you in more ways, more public, more violent, just more

And every new action just makes you feel more like the man we both know you are

I'd make you wear a huge packer in public and fuck you with it when we get back in private

I'd make your ass my personal toy, because thats what men do, that's the hole that little bottom brother's use. If not I can always put my strap down your throat until you pass out and use your ass how I want without your permission

But, don't you wanna make your brother happy? Don't you want to give me your cute little ass and let me totally wreck it? Don't you want to fuck like a real man does?

(Note that my use of "real man" is more in the degrading sense not the transphobic one)

this is actually very attractive!! i’d like you to take advantage of my increased sex drive and believed immortality!!>_< getting more and more violent with me, more cruel and sadistic!! also i think i like the idea of you only fucking my ass cuz i want to be a boy right?? this is how i’m supposed to be ffucked then right?? and when i’m so exhausted and hurting everywhere you’ll just force me on my knees and throatfuck me until i’m sobbing and passing out just to rape my ass???!??!,!!,! yes yes yes

[aracelysdelusion]

Kaveh strikes me as someone who is just desperately trying to avoid being a protagonist. Like, even canonically, yknow?? The fact that he just so happened to be away when everything suddenly went tits up in Sumeru?? Alhaitham being like “where were you when Sumeru needed you most?” Like! Hiding! Hiding from being the protagonist! And then later on during the Inter Darshan Championship, when he won the competition and was getting possessed by the Diadem, Sacchin was like “I’ve been searching for many years for a successor, and I’ve FINALLY found one, it’s YOU” and in response Kaveh fucking smashes the Diadem because he is NOT having this protag shit. And finally the fact that Nahida herself says that Kaveh’s ideal of Wisdom and stuff is literally PERFECT?? He’s got so much protagonist energy and he’s doing everything he can to avoid it. So goddamn funny I love this guy

ONE HUNDRED PERCENT LIKE bro is just tryna live his life alhaitham is all "ohhh the sages are corrupt and that puts my comfortable job at risk so im gonna fuckinf fix shit on my own" LIKE BRO??? THATS MAIN CHARCATER SHIT??? I'M NOT TRYNA BE ON THAT. like bro fr dodged a bullet chilling in the desert while shit went south. He does NOT want to be the main character!!!

i think i can say this because i changed this part of aiug lore but oh my god that quote of nahida saying kaveh having an almost perfect grasp of what sumeru being a nation of wisdom means had such an impact on the old lore i had in mind like thats some real shit right there.

on a similar note, I FINISHED CHAPTER FIVE GUYS GO READ IT ITS LIKE 20K WORDS LONG CAUSE ALHAITHAM THINKS TOO MUCH. hopefully i'll finish chapter six in time to post it before my birthday in less than two weeks but we'll see!? I have higher hopes for finishing chapter 6 sooner cause kaveh is wayyyyyy fucking easier to write than haitham

[snugglesquiggle]

i feel a lil bad asking this right when a lot of people are excited for hostile takeover, but for financial reasons, i might need to start putting some of my energy into more serious original projects again.

i'm not pausing HT — i don't think i could stop thinking about those lezbots if i tried — but being able to take breaks to work on other things tends to be good for my energy levels in general.

and honestly, when i first started, i thought HT itself was just going to be a quick break from those projects, and now i'm four months in and my plans keep growing >.>

anyway, the purpose of this post is that i wanted to gauge interest. i know most people follow me for murder drones stuff, but do any of the original stories i'm considering interest you?

more detailed pitches for each of these can be found under the cut. honesty is appreciated.

a note before i pitch them — when i write original fiction, i post it to my site and a site for original fiction called royalroad. i'll probably reserve my ao3 account for, yknow, fanfiction.

the plan is that while the stories will eventually be available publically, supporters to my patreon will get to read several chapters ahead of everyone else.

Aurora Moonrise

It is the nature of comets to dazzle and destroy. These eldritch spirits from beyond the stars grind kingdoms to dust with joyful ease. Only the power of a daughter of the moon can repel them. There are none left. Aurora knows she is different. Her father is a plain man, and her mother is a mystery. Her prismatic hair, her divergent mind, her inability to weave common enchantments — it must come from her mother's side. But her mother is gone and no one will say why or where or anything. It's enough to make her want to fight someone. And Aurora fights — people, animals, spirits, it doesn't matter. She doesn't want to hurt them, but it's thrilling. She'll just have to become a knight — knights get to fight things, right? And knights get answers to who their parents were. When a cursed storm leaves Aurora glowing in the light of the full moon, she awakens new powers she can't control. Powers unheard of, except in those old stories. But the word on the lips of churchmen is witchcraft — communion with unnatural spirits that spells doom. Will she defend humanity? Or is she a threat to it?

pitching this one is hard, because the most interesting thing about is a twist reveal at the end of the first arc. at first, you can see it's framed to suggest — and Aurora initially believes — her mother is a "daughter of the moon", but of course, she's actually a comet.

as the poll option suggests, her inhuman heritage makes urges her to fight and hinders her ability to understand the basics of human social interaction.

this would be a long story, lighter in tone than the others, and structured like a fantasy trilogy, about Aurora journeying across the land doing what she thinks heroes do. along the way, she picks up several party members with their own weird baggage. all of them girls, of course, and it gets very gay by the end — but it's slow going because, yknow, aurora doesn't understand romance, either.

i'm very excited about this project — just thinking about it is enough to get me bouncing. you can actually read a four chapter teaser right now, and i have over 70k words of notes past that, with the whole thing outlined start to finish.

Thy Wretched Mask

Everyone wants to peel off their skin and scream into the night. You're just supposed to keep a handle on that. Beca's trying. Now on the run, she'll just have to get it right in a new town. She's got nothing to her name save a pet raven, but a little pickpocketing will change that. Maybe a burglary or two. As long as she doesn't tear someone's flesh apart in broad daylight, she could keep things controlled. It's a lonely life, but friendship is only temptation. She should just keep to herself. So why does she listen when the woman from the shadows talks? They're making an offer that could lift her off the streets for good. The catch? She has to kill someone. Again. That's definitely too much temptation.

once again, the most interesting parts of this are a surprise. Beca isn't human; she's saddled predatory instincts she doesn't understand. the "fungal possession" comes into play several chapters in. it gets intense enough that i believe it's one of the few times i've teared up while writing something, and it's so far the first and only time i've written something that explores topics of plurality, which is pretty personal to us

i say HT is the first time i've written romance (and it is), but TWM came close, and would have gotten even closer if i continued it.

i've already written over 20k words of this (unpublished), but due to the writing exercise it began as, it requires substantial rewrites; i cringe when i try to reread it, and it honestly makes the prospect of returning a bit unexciting.

this would probably only about the length of a novel. (original projection was novella length, but i think i want to flesh it out more.)

of all of my potential projects, i think this one is probably the biggest thematic overlap with Hostile Takeover. but uh, it's dark enough to make that look like a sappy romance >.<

Running Out of Skin & Time

Tomorrow, a lord will be flayed alive. Once his flesh, freely given, is woven into a vast frame, enchanted scars will turn him into a living portal, a gift that could turn a blightstricken town into a bustling trade nexus. Apnoe has woken up beside the same dead girl three nights in a row. The lord's flaying is tomorrow — same as it was for the last three nights. She's the only one who's noticed. Assassins lurk in the flaying festival's crowds, and when they strike the lord dead, the whole town watches their dreams crumble, and then Apnoe wakes again as if from a dream. She knew this quite well; on the first night, she had killed him. Scarred flesh grants magic. How deep a wound did it take to make every living soul in the city relive the same day? It wasn't Apnoe's, and she doesn't know why only she remembers, but then again, most scar magic treats her differently. After all, she's dead half the time. Apnoe would kill to end this nightmare — but it seems the only way out is saving a man who'll die tomorrow anyway.

of all the options, this story is the least well flesh out (no pun intended), but it has a lot of potential. a "time loop" where a character relives the same day over and over is something not enough stories explore well

(if it means anything to you, the inspiration for this fic was literally just thinking "what if the Shibuya Incident was a time loop?")

i call this "superhero fantasy" because, while i havent figured out the tech level (it's industrial, but how modern?), the magic system gives everyone unique and specific abilities that are easiest to imagine as superpowers.

the time loop effect itself is the rube goldberg interaction of half a dozen powers, and part of the fic is puzzling out just how it works, as well as puzzling out how to overcome the various powers arrayed against the lord.

it would be a very complex, cerebral fic, all about power progression and fight scenes, but at its heart, i want it to be the story of two dead girls who love each other enough to unravel fate itself

A Chimerical Hope

Duskroot is destroyed. A minor stronghold, its enemies were cunning and coordinated and its allies didn't lift a hand. As vultures at a corpse, mercenaries hunt for survivors. Awelah escaped Duskroot. She lost everything. Vengeance drives her, but can she kill a angel beyond death? Ooliri's mission is to aid the refugees. He has to prove he belongs in a family of medical geniuses. But healing isn't enough — can he bring the dead back to life? Makuja seeks safety among the refugees. Death and servitude leaves her gaze empty. It's easy to be a follower, but is there a purpose worth living for? First, the three need answers. A grand scheme is unfolding, and Duskroot was only the first step.

unlike all of the others, this isn't an idea for a story, or a plan for a story, it is a story, one i've written 100k words for. you can read it here

it's set in an expansive setting i've spent literal years thinking about with giant insects empowered by virulent mutant bat blood and cold black corruption pouring out from a hole in the sky.

it's also, shamelessly, only avoids being called naruto fanfiction by dint of sheer weirdness

Aurora Moonrise may be the story i'm most excited about, but ACH is the one with the most ambition and purpose behind it. if i could only ever tell one story in my life, it'd probably make it ACH. it might be over a million words if i ever finish it

but i also think it's probably too weird to get very popular.

And so on

if you can't tell already, i have a LOT of story ideas. before i ever watched murder drones, would you believe i was literally already working on a story about killer lesbian robots on a inhospitable frozen planet haunted by a creeping cosmic horror?

and i'm kind of tempted to work on a story about modular mushroom creatures that live underground. or a fricken pokemon mystery dungeon self-insert i've already finished one chapter of.

and of course, i have several other stories i could continue working on.

but like, the stories i've listed are the ones i can honestly say i might work on right now. and, practically speaking, the stories that might genuinely takeoff, if i dare hope.

[yumesei]

Expansion on something from pt 1:

*

When John was gone, he was usually gone for a long time, and you never heard from him either.

Either something about this time was different or Johnny had put his brain to work to get around the restrictions, because one day you got a letter in the mail.

It was an unmarked envelope, a local stamp, so at first you thought nothing of it. A bill

It wasn't. It was a letter addressed to Sei and at the bottom signed from your favorite guy.

How did he even send this?! He wasn't allowed to send any correspondence lest he compromise the mission, if anyone found out...

Well, he wouldn't do it if he wasn't sure he could do it safely. And you didn't want his effort to go to waste, so you focused.

The letter read, in his writing, writing that you instictively read in his voice:

Out of sight, out of mind is total shite if you ask me; you're about as far out of sight as you can get and you've never spent so long in my mind. Don't worry, it's all good things. I know how you get nervous with these things.

I'll be home soon, love. I promise. Be prepared to have a long night when I do.

That means take care of yourself. No all-nighters. Don't make me give you a bedtime, I know I'm a little older but I'm too young to be a father just yet.

Longing for you loads, mo gràidh.

You couldn't help but smile. That was your John, all right.

Home soon, he said. At least you had something to look forward to. Though if he felt the need to do this, you worried about what he'd have to admit to when he came home.

He better not have surrounded himself with enemies without a gun again.

*

Take care of yourself, Sei! But know that we miss you ♡

Johnny uses his brain for something else than combat (100% real, no clickbait)

That letter is so cute, got me giggling like lovesick teenage girl >///<

I'm yapping abt it below

Out of sight, out of mind is total shite if you ask me; you're about as far out of sight as you can get and you've never spent so long in my mind. Don't worry, it's all good things. I know how you get nervous with these things.

No bc I think I've said this before but!!!! I like to think that I'd be a grounding presence in his mind yknow? Not something that'll distract him from doing his job well (because that'd be fucking dangerous) but more of something that remind him that no matter how much he loves his job, there's also things he loves outside of it. So maybe i'd calm down his recklessness just enough to keep him alive.

I'll be home soon, love. I promise. Be prepared to have a long night when I do.

Whore 🫵 (me too, post mission sex..... Save me post mission sex...)

That means take care of yourself. No all-nighters. Don't make me give you a bedtime, I know I'm a little older but I'm too young to be a father just yet.

Sometimes I remember he's just a bit older and it makes me blush, and i'm not sure I want to know what that says about me. I love how it's worded in a way where it seems like he's actually considering it, but tbh the idea of him "forcefully" putting me to sleep to fix my sleep schedule is kinda nice, sweet in a way (like yeah he cares that much about my well-being yknow?). But the idea of "sleep a lot because you're gonna need a lot of energy when I come back" is also fucking hilarious (one might think he needs sleep when coming back from a mission, but what he truly needs is getting laid).

Longing for you loads, mo gràidh.

Everytime he speaks/writes Gaelic, I die before coming back to life. Even more when it's term of endearment. It makes me need to be sedated (I love him too much)

I mean yeah, he better not told me ended up in a group of ennemies without a weapon again, lest he wants me to have an heart attack (again). What matters is that at the end of the day he's still alive, right? But please take care of yourself before I cry in your arms because of how much your habits scares the shit out of me.

Also thanks you sm for the cute message at the end (and for the asks obviously?????????? Those were so good and I'm so bad at expressing gratitude but i'm truly grateful). I'm kissing you on the cheeks and baking you pastries as we speak <3

[sinfulforrest]

gonna put this under a cut, mentions of strokes and hospital things and just a general cry into the void jdmfm

on Saturday I found my dad having a stroke, like a really really bad one, and honestly the sight I saw will never leave my head I think, I've calmed down a lot since everything transpired and he got taken away to a stroke specialist hospital to get treated, but today is gonna be the first time I go up to the hospital with my mum to see him and im just really nervous about it

I just don't even really know what to say, yknow? I have so much I wanna say but I can't really, the poor bloke is still extremely weak and drowsy from the operation that he had and all the meds and just the fatigue you get when you suffer from shit like that, and I'm also pretty scared that he might not want me or my lil bro to see him in this state, he's one of those guys that cannot show weakness in front of people and absolutely despises bein weak and vulnerable (wonder where I get that from...), and honest to god I think it'd kill me if he got upset with me and my bro

I worry about money cause my dad has a great paying job, whilst the rest of us earn pennies in comparison tbh, because if he gets permanently paralysed then I very very much doubt he'll be able to go back to work, so I'm fuckin praying that when he gets to the physiotherapy and speech therapy side of things that it can help and he can push through like the stubborn ol bastard that I know he is

I just hate that there's nothing really anybody can do, we'll have to wait a good six weeks or so to see what the scale of the damage is on my dad's brain and how much of a hike it'll be for him to get back to a livable state. I just pray to whatever god is out there that he can walk and talk properly again as time goes on, I really miss him not being here swearing his head off and being a grump and it just feels really wrong without his presence bein here

I'm gonna do my best to support my mum and bro though, it's starting to hit my mum a lot now so I'm gonna try and stay strong for her and be optimistic about things. I'll defo be comfort doodlin a lot in the coming weeks I reckon when I regain my energy and can sleep properly, it won't be much but I think that'll help take my mind away from things for a little bit

I think I might reblog this later once I've seen my dad and write my feelings n how it went here too, so if you don't wanna see me clog up your feed just block my tag stuff I guess

make sure to tell your loved ones that you love em, you lot, you never know when horrid shit like this will come outta the blue and sweep em away from you

[bahamutgames]

Super Afterthoughts RPG

Game: Super Mario RPG (November 17, 2023)

Console: Nintendo Switch

Hello hello! It's late at night, and I'm trying to get myself to write up my thoughts on some games again! I've got a few to get through. But this one in particular I've been holding off on for a good minute. Because... well... the original game is my favorite game of all time! It's hard to really put my thoughts about my favorite game ever to words so easily. Plus, I only want to write about it while I'm in a good mood. So this one may be written over the course of a few days.

I still remember when this game was a huge rumor for what felt like AGES. It was kind of will they wont they between remaking it or just slapping it onto NSO. I'm still, honestly, in a bit of disbelief it got a full from the ground up remake for modern consoles. But, I'm very happy to say, it's here! And it's real! And this game I love and adore so much is back! And that makes me very happy!

Now, I think this is the first remake I'll be talking about on here. And since it's a remake of a game I'm OBSESSED with. I'll probably not go into intense detail about why I love Super Mario RPG. You already know what I like about it (EVERYTHING) and what I dislike about it (NOTHING). Instead, I'll try to focus on what I think made this such a nice remake for a super fan of the game like me!

As always, this isn't a review! Just my thoughts after having beaten it! PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEEASE play this game yourself if it interests you!!

SPOILERS FOR SUPER MARIO RPG REMAKE!! INCLUDING SPOILERS FROM THE ORIGINAL AND NEW STUFF IN THE REMAKE!!

Opening

So, like I said before. Super Mario RPG is my favorite video game of ALL TIME. Not just RPG, not just Mario game, not just one of my favorites. I'm talking #1 favorite game EVER! I played it waaaaay back in middle school a good long time ago and it really just got to me. There's so much I absolutely adore about this game!

So when the remake was announced, needless to say I was pretty excited. Even if I was... a little apprehensive. Mostly just concerned they may mess it up. Or they may not understand what made the original so magical. It was a big concern because, yknow, the game had been gone for so long with absolutely no attention.

But I'll go ahead and spare you the suspense now: this is an amazing remake. And it not only lived up to, but exceeded my expectations that I had for it. So I'm very excited to finally sing its praises!

Stuff I liked

This is a REALLY faithful remake. Pretty much nothing is lost across the translation with very few exceptions. The remake manages to bring over so much of what made the original so good while updating it in very nice ways. The graphics? AMAZING! I seriously love how cute the game looks, and how it still keeps a similar style to sprites while updating them. Like it's not afraid to respect the original's look (WHICH LOOKS GREAT, BY THE WAY, THE ORIGINAL LOOKS AMAZING TO ME!!!) but knows that it's okay to tune up where it may be needed. Very few characters don't make a particularly great transition over (like, I can count them on my hand). The areas all look WONDERFUL and they manage to keep the same playful energy and don't lose much from the original. Plus, being full 3D really does help with some platforming challenges and the 3D maze puzzle imo. I imagine this will help a LOT of newcomers out.

The updated soundtrack is GREAT!! Some of my favorite songs are seriously redone absolutely AMAZINGLY here. My personal favorites being Fight Against Smithy, Who Likes Transforming and Dreams Through Window Stars. Both of which are done so wonderfully. But, hey, you also have access to the original soundtrack! Which is SUCH a nice touch! But it was genuinely lovely hearing some new takes on songs I thought I may never see again in an official capacity.

Then there's the gameplay, which is fairly similar to the original, yeah. But I think that's still reason to sing its praise! They've brought the combat over really nicely, and despite adding some things to make it easier, the game is still fun and isn't made too easy. Which was a concern I had between them showing when to time action commands as well as having the shock wave effects AND giving you stat boosts when you build up proper action command combos. Despite doing all this, I actually think they managed to balance the game out nicely. Maybe I'm crazy but I do feel like enemy parties are consistently larger and have more health to compensate. So it all works very well. And of course, I'd be beside myself if I didn't bring up my favorite change: THE TEAM ATTACKS! This was such an unneeded change, they didn't have to give this HUGE bit of fanservice, but I'm SO thankful they did!! I ADORE crossover attacks between teammates in RPGs, it's a shamefully underused concept and is one of the reasons I consider Chrono Trigger to still be one of the GOAT RPGs. So to know my favorite game ever would be getting this feature? That was HUGE, and it delivered!! I really loved this and it added a new dynamic to the team composition and made me wanna try out some of the other characters more and not JUST Mario, Geno, Mallow lol.

I'm actually REALLY surprised at how much is left in tact. Sure, some things were changed like small effects, the names, and no Black Jack. But it is a SHOCKINGLY faithful remake all around. Even including stuff like Beetle Mania or the secret menu codes. And polishing stuff up like no missable chests. And all the new stuff they added is WONDERFUL! It's pretty exciting they added in boss rematches as I think that's something a lot more games could benefit from. With the best one obviously being Culex's rematch for so many reasons. But I do think I have to say that the fully animated cutscenes are hands down the absolute BEST addition to the game. Having cool intros to each boss is absolutely DELIGHTFUL, having a nice prerendered scene for each teammate's introduction RULES. But in particular, the way they animate the final cutscene floored me. If you don't know, the scene of the whole team on Vista Hill watching Exor fade away is one of my favorite shots in video game history. I SCREAMED when I saw it got a fully animated cutscene. It was AMAZING! And the credits were so cute with it looking how it did on the SNES. I called it IMMEDIATELY that the graphics would update for the second half lol.

But of course, the best new cutscene. Hands down. Is the finale. This particularly blew me away. The original's ending is one of my favorites, I have extremely fond memories of watching it in Geno cosplay when I was in middle school (I came home from a con and immediately finished it lol) and just cry at the The End screen. So when a cutscene started up here I freaked out. It was SO cute, and having them actually include Bowser and Mallow was such a wonderful touch. It was cute, it was beautiful, it was emotional. And it really capped off the remakes' whole feelings of "wow... it really came back." I don't know how to describe it properly but hopefully you understand what I'm feeling lol.

Stuff I didn't like

Now... I am of course a bit of an obsessive fan over this game. So I had a few complaints about it. MOST OF IT NITPICKS!! Yes. There's not THAT much to complain about. I think some enemies don't look perfect this time around, I think it's really frustrating that they STILL don't let you have all the star pieces when you pause the menu after beating the game despite actually having post game content, and perhaps the worst of all. I HATE that they removed the card suit icons from each character. Does it really matter? Well... No. But it's such an iconic part of the original to me that I can't help but still feel a little burnt that it wasn't included. That's like, crucial Super Mario RPG imagery in my mind.

Also, am I crazy, or does every enemy in this remake put you to sleep? Maybe I'm misremembering but I don't remember having to wake my teammates up this much EVER in the original, but I felt like I was waking them up every other battle this time. Particularly during Valentina which I died to a shocking amount lol.

However, the big real disappointment of this remake to me personally? Is the new post game content. Honestly I would've been fine with maybe just some new cutscenes or something. But when they said it would be boss rematches I was pleasantly excited! And I know I complimented them earlier but can I be honest?? Dude those rematches SUCK. Like, I think I enjoyed one of them. They're all really gimmicky, like Booster's ends super fast and Johnny requires you to play it 100% perfectly. It's just not fun and honestly didn't feel like the most exciting post game content possible. At least to me. Regardless though how they handled Culex and his rematch is PERFECT. Going through the less than stellar rematches is genuinely worth it because I think the Culex rematch is so good. So there is that.

Final Thoughts

BUT, regardless? This was a truly amazing remake. And a genuinely wonderful return to this world that I'd completely given up on ever seeing again. Not to be melodramatic, but I will be. Yeah I had kinda started to give up and not care about this anymore. I had made peace that Mario RPGs were just... over. That's the way it was, Geno isn't gonna be in Smash, this game will never get any new content. It was done. But, to my surprise. I was wrong. And the remake did come. And no matter what happens now. At least this did happen and I got to see these characters again. I think this remake it amazing for ANYONE. If it's your first time, or if you've played the original too many times. You will LOVE this remake and have a great time with it. It feels like it was made by people who not only knew what made the original magical, but loved it and poured all that love in it. There's even more great stuff I could give it props for. I feel like I want to keep talking about every little thing this remake did so nicely. The polish to the psychopath collecting, how good the enemies look, how lovely the maps look. But honestly I would just be here forever. Super Mario RPG is my favorite game of all time and I'm so happy to see so many people get to experience it for the first time now.

===

That's all I got. I feel like I want to say more. But I think that's all I can say right now about this game. But before I go I did want to speak on my thoughts about Mario a little more.

So, I've been a Mario fan my whole life. Super Mario World was my first game ever, and I've been a devoted fan for years since. Mario was my life. I was obsessed with Mario lore and drawing every single Mario thing I possibly could and just gushing about everything I adored about the series. With the RPGs at the heart of it. I LOVED and ADORED the Mario RPGs, they made my life and inspired me so much.

But a while back, something kinda changed. I'm sure you already know, but the Mario RPGs kinda. Died? Like, they were still being made obviously. But the secondary Paper Mario Trilogy, even though I don't HATE them persay, were just not what I wanted and ultimately I don't really like them. Then Paper Jam happened and I personally really disliked it even in spite of having good combat. Then the M&L remakes which are cool but... Still not perfect and clearly troubled. My favorite games and types of games ever. Just... died? Out of nowhere. And then a lot of side series Mario stuff kinda dragged. DK dried up. Wario was kinda becoming eh around Gold. Luigi's Mansion 3 sucked. And even though the main series was still killing it imo. I just fell out of love with Mario. And I honestly kind of felt myself falling out of love with a lot of things at this time.

And originally, this section was gonna end on a pretty bummer note. But a lot has changed since I started writing this. Thousand Year Door got a remake randomly and it's looking amazing. And now Mario & Luigi is suddenly returning with a brand new entry that... LOOKS AMAZING!! And that's not even to mention Mario Rabbids which completely knocked it out of the park with Sparks of Hope. Mario RPGs... are seemingly back?

I've talked about this at length before but I didn't really want to get my hopes up because of remakes. Sure, of course you can still make a good turnbased Mario RPG with good combat and progression if you just redo the good ones. But could Nintendo still do a NEW one with good turnbased Mario RPG combat and progression? NOT UBISOFT!! Not a strategy RPG, a TURNBASED RPG. And well, it looks like with Brothership we may actually get to see. Yeah it all might be riding on M&L's shoulders again. But with everything going on, suddenly it doesn't feel stupid to hope I can enjoy these games again. Mario spinoffs all over seem to be back in action with Peach and Dark Moon HD. DK might come back now that Prime 4 is wrapping up. The Mario Movie rocked imo and the main series games are only looking more hopeful after how good Bowser's Fury was.

I still did want to make a little bit of a sad point in that. I don't think I'm back into the Mario Fanbase at large. I still consider it to be very poisonous as it was a huge reason why I fell out of love with Mario. And I still see that. When this and TTYD got announced my feeds were filled with insanely negative posts about how much everyone hates Mario RPGs and shit (I learned my lesson I'm trying not to read Brothership tweets but I've already had to mute some stuff lol), I still get clowned on for liking some of these games in spaces where I thought liking them was the point, and people still send me Geno hate posts thinking I'll like them because... Well, being a Mario fan seems to mean you have to hate this series and be insanely contrarian and trying to make bait posts to make people upset. I still see it constantly. And it's discouraging. And I don't like seeing it. So I don't know if I really have interest in being a part of the "Mario Fanbase" so to speak. Cause even if I'm crazy and I'm just too sensitive I don't think it's healthy for me to be getting this upset over a series meant to be particularly joyful.

BUT... and I can't believe I'm saying this. Yeah... It's looking good to be a Mario fan again. I may be falling back in love with the series. Again, I'm not entirely impressed with amazing remakes that bring me to tears with the level of quality... I still want something new to prove they can truly do it again. SO I'll be keeping a close eye on Brothership. But again, suddenly it doesn't feel stupid to have hope.

That's all I got. Go out and play your favorite video game of all time!

[corntort]

OK POLARITY THOUGHT INFO DUMP

bear in mind lectro can't really sing Super Well he just challenged void because it'd be fun and he can still hold a rhythm. he just wants to kinda riff off of voids (quite literal) supernatural ability to sing incredibly quickly and with actual pitch and melody.

he's generally really competitive and just wants to see what the guy is made of! obviously void sees this as kind of an insult because. well she's void. that's just how it's gonna be

at around 0:56 is when void kind of makes it apparent he's gonna take this seriously. there's no other way he will take it. and void kinda goes "eh... i meant to just have fun.... but yknow what? i'll match your energy. sure. let's get Serious bud!"

1:50 is where the seriousness reaches it's peak. lectro, while he cant sing, he is a lyrical genius and can rap off the top of his head really good, whereas void can struggle on the lyrical front a little but can hold a tune very well and this is where theyre REALLY IN IT. void to the point of almost getting heated enough to start growing instable. lectro, noticing this, puts an end to it at 2:25, which leads me to my next point!

2:25 is where lectro offers a kind of musical peace offering, singing to void the leitmotif to event horizon, to which in void's opinion is his most prized work. to kinda imply "hey, i'm a fan of your work! this battle has only made me more impressed with your skill!

with this void kind of snaps out of it, singing his melody back to him with his usual ego back in full swing, going back to his usual smug facade

void then sings his other leitmotif (also from event horizon) to kinda test lectro, and of course lectro does know it, he is actually an admirer but in more of a "i understand your skill and style" kind of way

this loosens void up the most with this, and then he starts actually having fun with lectro, starting to kind of admire him and both appreciate his knowledge of his own music. obviously. he has to get the ego stroke first

after that it just is a fun little battle! theyre both obviously still competing but its just fun jabs and playing off eachothers style

3:12 is when they just ramp up the fun, when void starts letting loose and singing those higher notes, ruffling his hair and letting himself get lost in the tunes (that doesn't go unnoticed by lectro) so when lectro repeats his notes and song its just a good ol time

when that verse ends theyre just circling eachother and riffing and dancing along to the music and getting up close and personal but not as a challenge just as a sense of comraderie and giving into the joy and the moment

void starts deeming this a good point to wrap up, reprising his event horizon motif to end it off on the best note he can (and OBVIOUSLY what better way to end it off than a modified motif from his own music? duh?) lectro obviously happy to oblige

he remixes the tune more, while still keeping the essence the same to end the song off with a nice final verse, and lectro joining in for a final duet with a shared long note, that void cuts himself off to leave lectro singing by himself, where when it clicks he's singing alone he lets out a sudden choked laugh, and the song is done!

as i said before im not super keen on crossover aus (i really like stories standing on their own, finding their own strengths through itself) but this song is really good i couldn't help the urge. and i love lectro and im a void kinnie so WHO CARES!

[ev-n-learning]

2023 year stats!!! Wow its been a year since ive shown u one of these... amazing

anyways not too much to say here i don't think! Although can you believe its been almost a year since i stopped learning ukrainian.... weird

something thats interesting to me is that i've spent more time on czech this past year than ukrainian the year previous... and just on duolingo, somehow?! There's no way I'm 2 months away from finishing the czech tree!!!

I suppose the courses could have been different lengths to start out with, but I do blame the redesign they did... I still don't like it, lol. (Other factors could be: czech has No Cyrillic so i cant read it as well)

As far as the other languages go — I really can't believe it was only this year I finished 50languages?! Year so long... but anyways, after that i will be honest with you: most of my active belarusian studying has been solely anki and (mostly) daily search of the wordle. The other most is People I Follow On Tumblr and tiktok (theres belarusians on there)

Russian is about the same as I've been doing. Slogging through 5,000 words of top 10,000 on memrise still. Probably about 2,500 of the way through. Probably at LEAST 2 more years of slog...

Maybe it doesn't serve much of a purpose, but i'd feel weird having the extra time. Like, no, i'm supposed to be Doing Something at 14:45,,, and, yknow, sometimes i encounter these words in the wild. (Not so much anymore though)

Doing my best to keep up with polygloss for russian, too! It's fun but I never know how to describe the images so a lot of matches get sent into the ether... oops 😅

As for marathi, well................................. nanowrimo happened. Is putting it shortly - actually, I started doing something else in november, and with that, languages, and nano... it was a lot! So I did not do much marathi in november specifically because of that. The rest of the year, well... hmmm. The less said the better?

Well, anyways, it's because of having to spend the same amount of energy almost on czech at the same time, *and* because of the Something Else i've been doing. So - I do want to learn it! Spending time on marathi would be great, actually! I am just Busy. And thus it has been relegated to anki only for the better part of the year if i remember right 😔 someday...

Sidenote, at the rate I'm typing this will be posted after midnight..... well, i wanted to put it out there yesterday night, but i couldn't decide what to say, lol. January 2nd is still New of new years, right??

To be honest, I haven't really thought about any language plans for this year... i know russian and belarusian well enough to read posts & such, and I have the mental fortitude to read books i understand maybe 25% of, but listening and talking I'd say are probably where I need the most improvement. (Writing, well... I'll get back to you once i can learn grammar effectively). With everything as it is now, I'm not sure there's much to be done about that, but maybe I'll figure something out here sooner or later... maybe.

I know I want to finish the czech tree on duolingo, and then I'll pick another language from my duo list and the cycle shall begin anew... and then in 12 years either duo will be dead or i will not wish to learn languages any more (a scary thought). OR i will speedrun every language on my list to the best of my ability and then never touch duo again (no streak, no badges... i think monthly badges are like the Only duo thing that actually works on me because i Need To Collect. ah, fomo...)

As for marathi, if I can manage to pull it out of hibernation alongside all that duolingo nonsense, then by god i'll do it 🫡 if i learned* one language by being exceedingly slow at it I can do it again!!

*referring to russian so perhaps its not accurate to say "learned" still but my point stands

...

Anyways yeah!!! Idk how to end this so з новым годам (late) to u all and good luck & wishes for the new year <3 things may never be perfect but at least i can hope they will be better 👍 🎉🎉🎉

[suugrbunz]

hi girly!!

1. love love your stuff

2. hope you’re doing well fr

3. could i pls request a bob ship?

appearance wise i’m 5’5 with an average build. ngl i’m a little heavy on the top iykwim so my back always hurts fr. LOL anyways i have blue/green eyes and brown hair that has like goldfish highlights in the sun. i’m half asian half white so do with that what you will. i’m pretty pale honestly oh and my hair is long, like almost to my butt long. id like to think i have a nice smile lol and i love making a pouty face, it’s just so fun.

personality wise i’m an ENFP-T so i’m naturally extroverted and outgoing. i make friends wherever i go and i’m a great people person. i can hold conversations with really anyone and people always tell me i’m very mature and good with adults and older people. i’m also a 2w3 so i tend to be a bit of a people pleaser. i naturally am drawn to leadership positions and taking charge but when i do i often over extend myself trying to accommodate everyone and their every need. i am a generally funny person. sometimes i make a joke that goes too far but i love making others laugh. i also am always complimenting people. i can be insecure myself but i love making others feel good.

i can get into a mood very easily tho. i do my best to hide it but i am very busy so i am not always the greatest in the morning and if i spend too much time around certain people i get cranky. i don’t snap nearly as much as i used too but my friends can tell when something’s off. i hate getting in those moods where im sulking but it happens sometimes. usually after some joking around or spending time with other people i snap out of it. what can i say im stubborn.

i love being involved in school. student council, SPIRIT WEEK, choir, clubs— all that jazz. i’m a pretty good student yk like i have a good rep at school and am pretty well known. i am also a theater kid. i know im sorry. i have been singing for a really long time and it’s like my thing.

i love you sing, dance, act, read, write, listen to music, shop, and spend time with people. my love language is for sure quality time but i do love words of affirmation. i often get called an “old soul” because i am very sentimental with old school values and i am drawn to anything 40s-90s. i am a die hard 80s music and movie fan and my friends think it’s funny im so obsessed with the classics (if you couldnt tell i am a history and english nerd, my close friend calls me her “favorite history buff”) but yeah i love spending time with others. me and my dad bond over watching movies together and listening to music and you bet im the life of the party wherever i go. always the first to do or initiate something, jumping onto the dance floor first and being the last too leave — i don’t like missing out so i take all the chances i can.

anyways i hope that’s enough info and i’m sorry if that’s too much or i rambled. honestly id be grateful if you even read up to this point. if you get a chance to write a ship i would really appreciate it but if not i totally understand!! no pressure whatsoever. thank you bestie boo :)💛💛

I've not felt quite that happy in the past week for numerous reasons. I think with time I'll be fine. Dumb memories, yknow? I know what you mean I'm heavy on top as well lmao. I like the way you speak. You seem really exciting. Thanks for the request

here's your ship!! (🚢)

꒰ I ship you with . . . Floyd Talbert ৎ୭ ꒱

A mutual friend decided to hold a party that was themed to a 1950s sock hop. Dancing to 1950s music was an ideal situation for you especially with the fashion you'd dawn. It seems absolutely perfect, right?

In the corner of the dance hall, he kept glancing at your. Sure, he could probably dance with anyone he'd want to but he had formed a soft spot for you. Even if he didn't know you. Something about your energy was so lovely.

He fell from the start, something about you was... Well, he couldn't put his finger on it but he knew you two were meant to have a relationship... Even if he has some red flags (he comes off a bit player-ish but it's ok)

Your first date is shortly after your first meeting; The way you two met was romantic and by the end of the night had been obviously flirting. So, he asked for your number and when it'd be best to call you.

You two ended up planning the date at the local mall; There's an arcade and theatre nearby, plus mall food. So you two can window shop, go play games, or maybe watch a movie. Maybe all of the above. It seems quite wholesome.

Floyd kissed you goodnight, it wasn't on the lips. That'd be too much at a far too quick rate. He kissed your forehead and for a moment you saw him blush. It's been quite clear he isn't shy, but hey, he's got a soft spot for you. And he can't hide blush.

Your second first kiss— aka your real first kiss...

You initiated it. You gave his lips a quick peck at the end of one of your dates. He was awestruck by the feelings that fluttered around his stomach. You were everything he wanted to fall in love with. You're the measure of his dreams.

The song that represents you two is ; I Saw Her Standing There by The Beatles (pretty cute for you two <3)

[taylorthrift]

i don't think it's cowardly, tbh. i think it's good and healthy to want to be understood and to want to be seen and respected for who you are, and very normal to feel compelled to respond to criticisms and to explain ourselves and try to reach an understanding. it's not cowardly to want to help people learn or to want to push back against bigotry either. it's also healthy to let yourself step away when you end up putting more of yourself into it or taking more harm from it than is worth the possible benefit that could come from it. we all just have to figure out where that line is for ourselves 💙 like, personally i'll always answer what seem to be honest questions, even if what they ask is worded pretty ignorantly, but explicitly hateful bigoted attacks just get a report and block. my limited energy can go to the people who earn it by talking to me like a human being, yknow? in any case i hope you rest well and have a better day tomorrow 💙

Beautifully said, I have no pretentious rambling to add onto this.

[spicebiter]

something that's been capital P pissing Me Off recently and yknow i've been trying not to let the shit get to me but i can't keep it off my mind cause i feel it boils down to really shit bias and a lack of regarding other people as People is so

a week or two ago my roommate knocked his head on something and went to take a chill with an ice pack and was so exhausted in general that he just froze completely and couldn't muster any energy to move or respond when spoken to and he got the emts called on him and he texted us this info and was like 'yeah but i'm just gonna keep working for seven more hours until my shift is over' and i immeditely called him and told him NO you can't just have that exact sequence of events happen and go back to work you need to come home can you drive do we need to come get you i need you to promise me you will come home and he give me a low energy 'okay' because as mentioned he's exhausted but he does come home

so he tells me that one of his work friends was present and hearing bits of that conversation and when he hung up she told him 'hey you shouldn't let them talk to you like that it seems like they don't respect your autonomy' and i'm just SO

boy you literally can't mask off to people you're close to where others can hear if you have a flat affect huh?? if i'd said that like with my god damn customer service voice she'd think i'm like the nicest friend and i'm soooo concerned but because i speak flatly i'm not well intentioned despite the fact that i literally said The Exact Script For When Someone Is Concerned For Another's Wellbeing. And SO MUCH it happens to me that i'll be saying shit and people will be like 'you're making me feel stupid' when i'm telling them a fact or sharing knowledge or that i sound like i'm mad and it 'makes them upset' and it's that 'making' that makes me so pissed because am i *making* you do anything or did you just decide that because my tone is not in your decided range of 'pleasant' what i'm saying is clearly ill intentioned or meant to incite bad feelings in you? Am i 'making' you feel something or are you deciding to feel that way because you cannot conceive of a conversation and the people you converse with outside of black and white ideas of 'good' and 'bad'? And it's always 'you could try to be more friendly/pleasant/nice' what you're saying is that you want me to play pretend so you never have to consider your bias' and to ask you to do so is tantamount to abuse. I'm not allowed to sound the way i do naturally because it could 'make' you feel bad and that makes *me* bad if i don't want to be your fucking dancing monkey. Like do you actually listen to the words people are saying or consider the people saying them as people or do you just look for ways you can be a victim in every interactions and ignore everything else? Like regardless of a conscious decision to paint me in a bad light you have to realize that what you're saying boils down to telling me that my intentions don't matter and only my efforts to make you feel good forever by putting on a facade give my words worth

[waffluous]

where do we go the ep is out and so:

wdwg: already reviewed. it's good except for that chorus.... the instrumental break bridge still hits like a brick. well whatever still a 8/8.25 (and i think jo1 could be more ambitious with this sound they have a couple tts in this vein already? maybe change it up? idk maybe i'm yapping)

icy: interesting intro.... oh the beat is pretty sharp. cool (pun intended). the chords in the verses OH IS THAT SOME HARMONY IN THE PRE CHORUS????? uhhhhh um sure to the chorus. it's doing what it wants to do which is to have an icy vibe which they mostly do with the rattle-like synth on off oscillating thing. i like the plonky stuff in the second verse it sounds a bit like symphony lmao??? sure i feel like it's not really a jo1 thing (ie basically anyone could have put this out)...? i like wdwg more 7.5

maybe next time: oh i like that pre chorus very melodic! oh this is definitely reminding me of a credits song in a movie or like the ending to an anime ep or smth. i think the title is very very fitting for a song like this? kind of like "i'll see you next time!" but actually you never see them again type of thing lmfao????? anyways sure it's cute 7.75

cross the line: i can't say i like the scatting (?) for an intro lmfao.... but this is fun! the bass line is fun!!! pre chorus is cool. the first half of chorus is ripped from intro which is eh but OHHHHH THE SINGING IN THE CHORUS OKKKKKKK OKKKKKKKKKK OHHHH the SWVDOND HALF ok???????????? omg they continue the energy in the second verse am i hearing things right i love the harmonic backings oh my god ok oh the shift for the bridge fits so well and DONT THINK I CANT HEAR THE TWINKLY SYNTHS AT THE END OF IT!!!!!!! the clicking is so corny movie esque sorry i had to snicker. i like this a lot 8.25/8.5

believe in you: ballads ok ok ok i mean i think im pretty picky with ballads so uh. they're singing that's fr oh this is such an emotional sway your hands in the air type of song. they do this very convincingly so sure. oh it's so corny it's good the backing vocals are so complementary. very believe in you. you can do it guys. this should be played over a sunrise or smth with the main characters' silhouette in focus and a tree swaying in the light breeze 7.75

overall: i mean sure??? don't think i'll listen to a good bit of these songs again sorry i feel like my ratings were pretty critical whoops. but. overall it's yknow......

[nolanfa-clayworks]

Hi!

Short version:

Before starting, think about how you'll fire your finished pieces (and buy your clay taking that into account if you can), and (for sculpture:) have a knife, a bowl of water, and a wet cloth at hand. A tournette may be useful too. Protect your table. Start.

Long version under the cut:

I second the suggestion in the comments to think about how you'll fire your pieces. If you take a class/workshop they will let you fire what you do with them at their kiln no additional charge (at least where I live), but it's much less frequent for them to accept pieces from external people (I live in a very big city and there are like half a dozen places that let you use their kiln but some only fire transparent glazes, or earthenware, or clay that they've sold to you themselves, so check for that). Also sometimes they ask for the clay's reference (to check whether it actually is fireable clay, and at which temperature), so keep that at hand (the empty wrapping if you can too, at least until you've gone there a couple times and they trust you). (you can also be like I don't care this is a problem for Later Me and I'll keep my clay unfired for four years if I have to I don't care, and that's valid too)

For actual tools I do mostly sculpture and the main tool I use is a toothless pointy knife for details and smoothing, the kind you can buy in any supermarket for like five bucks. At some point I used a spoon too for smoothing but if you use it on dryer clay I think it can leave some marks on white clay. Imo wire modelling tools (for removing the excess clay inside a sculpture so it dries better before firing) are the only sculpting tools that you really can't replace with random everyday stuff. Also a bowl of water and a wet rag/cloth/sponge to clean your hands/tools are useful.

For ease of clean up I'd say either a big plastic sheet like you'd use when kids paint, or a smooth board of some kind. And a sponge (or a scrap of cloth). A ceramics teacher of mine said to always clean clay with a wet sponge, because if you scratch it out when it's dry the powder goes into your lungs and will stay there forever, and you should try to keep your lungs empty for, yknow, air, instead of clay.

If you do big sculptures (too heavy to hold easily, or just with too many legs to hold them all at once in your hands) you may want to buy a tournette (the simplest kind of potter's wheel with no energy source, you can find the simplest ones at about 15 bucks) so you can turn it easily to reach the back without actually having to lift it. Not a must-have, but can be useful sometimes.

If you have a spray with window-cleaning product, don't throw it away when it's finished: cleaned and filled with water it can be useful to wet the clay on very hot days.

Fun thoughts but absolutely not necessary for beginners I just got carried away:

If a piece breaks when completely dry you can put (some water in the general area and then) vinegar on the break (and then add slip between the broken pieces): the vinegar will break down the dry clay a bit, much faster than water does (it makes bubbles, that's pretty fun the first time you see it), and make it faster to reach the right consistency for repairs. I recently broke a whole lot of pieces going to the kiln :'( and I'm using vinegar for the repairs.

If you're doing big pieces that don't really hold their own weight (or have tails or bits that slump), don't hesitate to temporarily put a small clay support (wrapped in plastic if possible so you can easily reuse it later) where needed, just the time for your clay to firm up a bit.

And if you have thick and thin pieces to your sculpture, think about loosely wrapping the thin ones so they'll dry at approaching the same rate as the thicker ones. Should break less that way.

Okay, I think that's it. Have fun!

do you have any advice for someone who wants to get started experimenting with clay but is overwhelmed and doesn’t know where to start (aka me)?? (primarily from a logistics standpoint, not really on the creative side)

it’ll depend on your space and what kind of pottery you want to make, but you can 100% work with clay at home, with minimal supplies. mostly you just need clay and your hands. but you’ll need a place to do it where you can clean up any mess, and a few tools are definitely helpful

going to put the rest under the cut here, it might get long.

and other home studio potters, weigh in!

clay likes to stick to smooth surfaces so I suggest getting a strip of canvas to build/wedge on. I just lay mine out on my desk, but some potters staple their canvas to a board so it doesn’t move

a needle tool is very useful, but even a skewer or a butter knife will work for most things

a soft sponge or even a soft paintbrush are useful for smoothing clay and cleaning up any extra slip or rough spots

to keep your pieces from drying too fast and cracking, I suggest covering them in dry-cleaning plastic. you can also use airtight plastic containers or plastic bags

it’s helpful to have a board, tray or container to keep your pieces on, so you can cover them and move them safely while they’re still drying. but damp clay can cause mold so if you use something wooden, it might get moldy. I often lay some plastic wrap over my wooden boards for my pieces to sit on

putting clay down your sink is really bad for your sink. it will require a plumber to fix it. just don’t put clay down the sink. I wash my tools in a bucket and after the clay has settled to the bottom, I skim the clear water off the top and pour it out, and leave the wet clay at the bottom. eventually I can even reclaim the clay in my bucket and reuse it

if you enjoy/want to try slab building, I recommend going to the dollar store or a second hand store. cheap plates and bowls make great slump molds

if you’re still feeling overwhelmed, pick a fairly simple project and watch a tutorial! notice what the potter’s space looks like and what tools they use, that might help you get started

hopefully this was helpful and answered your question

good luck!

[qingxintea]

heartbreak avenue (3) || albedo x reader

heartbreak avenue (1) heartbreak avenue (2) -- tell me how, do you do this thing called living? when theres nothing more to gain. gn reader -- ignore the link below idk how tf to hyperlink on mobile but that’s ur part 4 ig

damn. imagine missing mond so much that you visit just for the vibes and accidentally become a one time vigilante for dominating over a couple abyss mages

how oddly specific!

you moment.

TO BE FAIR, you didn't mean to and also ur just strong with that 245% crit damage ugh yeah yeah get it ig

it was night time, like, idk 1am and you were in this cloak because idk look swaggy and comfortable

abyss mage went ŏ̸̡̡̹̘͉̫̬̬̭̘̙̝͐͒̆̈́̒̿̄́͠͝ǒ̸̧̺͕̣̬̝̱͈̭̭̻̮̈̏̔͆̑̀̍ǫ̵̡̜̲̭̠̤̰̹͍̣͎̤̈́̓̍͠ḩ̴̡͍̣̹̯̭̩̮̣̩̭́̔̀̍͊̂͒́̆͘͜͝͝ȃ̷̧̡̢̡̨̛̪͓̤̜͕̳̦̼͊̏̃͆̓̈́̈́̽̈́͌͐̋̚ͅh̸̡̩͍̟͕̥͚̰̰̟̮̖̪̉̈́͛͂̍̾a̸̧̢͕̙̞̳̩͈̲͉͕̒̆̎̐̎̍̀͊͘̚͝h̸̡̼͓̝͕̫̤̰̱̬̣̗͚̙̀͜ and you were like "lmao shut up"

and like it did! because you made it shut up and also mans diluc was watching in his dark knight hero thingy

of course you noticed his presence from the beginning, you just wanted to piss him off and act like he wasn't there at all

you walked. straight past him like he was actually on the bridge in the middle and you just w al ked .

i mean ofc he gonna say something. and he did. dude said "who r u"

stared at him directly in the eye and said "the embryo made of chewed bubblegum."

he stared. sh o ck ed . what were you even saying

"jk im a resident of mondstadt, visiting from my liyue trip."

"and how do i know you arent lying?"

you sighed and grabbed your dendro vision, letting him look at the frame. "its incased in a mondstadt styled frame." after a few seconds, you put it back. "if that is all, i'll be going."

"k"

"literally fuck off" you responded and walked inside.

sometimes you forget how rude mondstadt people are lmao loser.

ok so like this donna girl really went up to you like "JFKLSJFLKSDJFL NUMBER ??? HELLO ?? UMM THE WAY YOU SAVED MONDSTADT RLKDFFC" and you resisted every urge to flip her off on the spot.

you just stayed and let her talk, smiling through all of it. your hood was still on but it was quite windy s ooo

its been ten minutes. girl please let us go. you were literally begging for anyone to cut in because ur too nice (or unbothered) to tell her to shut up even though you totally went off on diluc aadahahhshdf

and someone did! not the one you expected though.

"good evening donna, and... oh? who would you be?"

ALBEDO LMAO GET STICKBUGGED? ? ? ?? AH a hjfkahfjah . im so funny .

guys i meant that ironically please

anyway

you got even more uncomfortable lmao and you just looked at him and smiled. what do you respond? "no one of importance."

he heard your voice, saw your eyes and it registered. it was you...

or was that what he wanted to believe?

cause this whole time hes been waiting for you, only using experiments as a thing to pass time. it got... a little more lonelier, because nothing could replace you.

he decided to not believe it. because 1) you knew well they welcomed you with open arms, so there would be no need to hide yourself

(which is also proof of how much the whole situation fucked up your thinking)

a second of silence before he continues on the conversation with normal evening meeting stuff things idk

then ur like "ahhshaaajk i must be taking my leave now for matters i will not disclose ahaha skidoosh"

skidoosh

so you go to the big venti statue next to the cathedral and just stand. stare. yikes

no ones out right now and theres nothing to do. but you remember this place because its where the both of yall would eat together whenever he had free time (which wasnt that often, but he still made the effort)

you look up to the sky, counting all the stars like you used to.

no ones gonna know that you're here, you decided on that. you only visited because you simply missed it, but after this, you were going back to liyue.

no ones gonna know. because no one needs to know. no one needs to know that you were here. that would only cause more trouble to the situation you tried to avoid

albedo ends up catching up to you later, still having some spark of hope left that it really was you

i mean lowkey there isnt really anything saying it wasnt. he wanted to believe that he was just overthinking when he thought it really wasnt you

like you look the same. sound the same. its just the reasoning of you coming here, but he can push that aside

"(y/n)."

you flinch but didnt react with anything else. he doesnt need to know that its you.

"(y/n)?"

you turn around to meet his eyes as he was approaching you. slightly distancing yourself another inch away as you were not used to the proximity, you responded, "i'm afraid i'm not the one you're looking for."

albedo stops for a moment, and was about to apologize,, but then

yknow that wind i mentioned earlier? like right after donna started bothering you

yeah that same wind blew ur hood off! lmao L

okay time to get serious !

you stay composed and sighed, your breath visible in the cold air.

so your features are exposed, and its so obviously you, like theres literally no way it cannot be you

"it really is you..." he doesnt understand why youre not admitting to it. "(y/n), please.."

you shake your head and walk away but mans grabs your wrist gently

"(y/n), whats wr-" he starts, but youre quick to respond

"im not (y/n)." you flat out said it and looked right into his eyes. and you swear there were small tears even if he was deemed nonchalant.

he doesnt understand, its your physical features, and your same energy, there is no other person that completely matches it.

he pulls you closer to examine this black smudge on your hand, a small yelp of surprise coming from you.

"this is... ink," he studied the properties of the substance. "you responded to my letter a day ago. (y/n)... i know by now. there's no reason to hide it."

you step away, freeing your hand from his grasp. your voice broke, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. "i'm not... i'm not (y/n). i never will be. i'll never be so vulnerable again, i'll never be so naive again, i'll never be so lonely again, i will never ever be anything like they were again."

your vision blurred, but you werent oblivious to the tears streaming down his face as well. reaching to brush them away, you paused and let it drop to his shoulder instead.

"albedo. i... the (y/n) you knew... they're gone now. and if i could revert back to them any time, i would, i swear, but... i'm al-... they..." you buried your head in your hands. "i'm broken. to the point that i refuse to identify as the (y/n) you know me by."

doesnt know what to say, so he almost pulls you into a hug before you move out of the way. something you never did.

"don't... please. it never works out in the end." you shake your head, facing the other way. "for me at least."

"..we could work together, no?" he tried, still oblivious about your feelings towards him.

"only if you're willing to cross your moral boundaries," you looked back and tilted your head. taking a deep breath, you continued, "but you know that neither of us are willing to do that."

he couldn't say anything, because as much as he hated to admit something for once, you were right about that. at this point, he would've thought that literally any extent would've been fine to reach to bring you back.

yet in multiple situations where he's doubted himself before, theres always a line he will never cross.

"...i wish you the best. treat her well because i worked hard." you walked away without him stopping you this time. i worked hard. not we worked hard.

even if you had honestly felt that way, there was no chance the old you wouldve actually voiced that.

and so he watched you slip from his grasp again, only this time, he stopped himself from holding you back from his own will.

yet he swears- the next time he meets you again, he will bring you back.