#but yes i love it everyone is having such a horrible time
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This is going to sound bad at first but I promise I’m going somewhere with it.
I know that there are different types of addiction but my dad is an alcoholic and he is not the best dad. I go through waves of loving him so much and crying all the time wishing he was the father I have him out to be in my mind (me right now) and then I just can’t stand him I get so angry.
I cry so much because I’ve been hurt and I continue to be hurt. But that’s not his fault. I look back and wish I could have done something for him. Maybe if he had gotten into therapy before all those years of being a firefighter got to him. Maybe if someone had stopped his parents from conditioning him and making him believe that he needs to hide his flaws he’d have turned out different.
People always ask me why I still talk to him. Why I go through all this. Why I put up with the fact that I have to reach out first to get any kind of love or support (fake or not) from him. I made a choice. I chose to keep him in my life. And I’m not here to judge anyone based off of their choices because everyone has different experiences.
But I believe that addiction is a disease. A horrible debilitating disease that alters minds and lives. If you think about it, you wouldn’t love someone any less because they got diagnosed with a medical disease, would you? You wouldn’t leave their side, you wouldn’t tell them they have to fight this thing on their own would you? (If your answer was yes you’re the problem btw) So, although he might not be the best dad, I will not walk away from him or love him any less because of a disease he struggles with.
Just because my father is an addict, does not mean that he is unlovable. It does not mean that he is any less deserving of forgiveness than the next person.
My dad is more than his addiction. And I love him because he deserves love.
it's just really fucking frustrating that we live in a world where I grew up being trained to believe that addicts are unloveable. and then I became an addict and I was still told that addicts are unloveable. and I just have to deal with the fact that there are people out there who believe that I don't deserve love, or that my partner is brave for loving me, or that my family and friends are suffering just from me existing. and that's fine that's just the way it is
but then on top of that. I have to deal with tumblr users telling me (an addict!!!) that they hate addicts in a cool new way that I should be totally sympathetic towards. see, they had a family member who was the most evil person on the planet! and that family member was an addict! so they can't help the fact that they now want all addicts to die! they can't help it! blast them all.
#this is my opinion#my experiences#it does not have to be yours and I understand if you don’t make the same decisions as me#i love you
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• no blueberries, feat. mingyu, pt. 1 •
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.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁
pairing: kim mingyu x f!reader x christian yu (dpr ian - i use 'ian' - you'll see in part ii)
word count: 4.1K
genre: fake dating, college au, college student!mingyu, college student!reader, fluff, f2l, idiots, idiots in love, angst, pining, denial of feelings, exes to lovers, study abroad, established open relationship (reader x ian), rivalry (low key)
summary: mingyu was just your lab partner and study buddy for several semesters, but lately things seem to have changed, and maybe everyone else has noticed, but for the most part, neither of you even think about what you are to one another until mingyu asks you to be his 'fake' date for a long weekend trip so he can avoid an ex, the biggest problem is realizing that there's nothing fake about your relationship but when mingyu won't even talk about what you are to each other, you start to think things might be over before they even really start
warnings: explicit language, mentions of anxiety, sexually suggestive situations, drinking, established open relationship
a/n: they are literally idiots in love but they're so dumb they almost don't deserve a happy ending - i am screaming at them ;-; ooof writing part ii...and well, i need to update this with additional characters and genres...oops (if you don't know - i am not a planning writing - i just go where the characters take me - they get their shit together - trust the process) besides it's named for a dpr ian song anyway, might as well include him for his dilf status and the accent
xx kat
[part ii - in progress]
♡ if you would like to be tagged in my upcoming posts, go [here]
.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁
“please, y/n,” he was definitely begging now.
she rolled her eyes, “dude, she’s your ex - you’re over her, just go and be normal, okay?” she was a bit annoyed at this point because he was over her, wasn't he, she wondered.
he whined softly, “seriously, just come with me, pretend you’re into me for like four days - i can’t deal with her, you know, alone,” she watched him stare at his textbook, looking fully embarrassed.
she blinked quickly wondering how she was the friend being enlisted for this - to her they were mainly lab partners and study buddies. she had no clue how he had decided they were close enough to even bring this idea up. but she did feel bad. even as lab partners, she knew his ex was genuinely horrible, as in her entire personality was “gaslight, gate keep, girl boss” - as though those were positive things no less.
she sighed, “i thought it was kind of a couples thing? since almost everyone is part of a couple,” she trailed off.
he nodded, “yeah, it is, but she’s going alone - she told someone her whole goal is to fuck me one more time,” he mumbled the last part, blushing hard, “apparently, she ‘misses’ that,” he rolled his eyes, looking miserable.
even she was shocked to hear that. it was certainly a new low.
“that’s - that’s really shitty,” she sighed, not knowing what else to say.
she watched him nod, still staring at his textbook, thumbing the edges of the page. she bit her lip gently, “can i think about it for a bit?”
he nodded, glancing up at her. she couldn’t help but notice how glossy his eyes looked - she worried he was on the verge of crying. she wasn’t equipped to deal with a crying mingyu. happy? sure. drunk? yes. whiny and ridiculous? no problem.
but to see him on the verge of tearing up because he was worried or stressed or whatever, that was beyond her friendship scope. but to be fair, fake dating probably was too. even if she knew some people did mistake them for a couple. that really wasn’t the point.
the point was the longer they sat there fake studying, she knew what she was going to do. she couldn’t sit back while he went off to a terrible trip to the lake where he might be the target of his ex’s sexcapades. she knew he hadn’t dated since her, which would just be a point againts him - she could easily imagine, ‘oh baby, you haven’t even tried since me?’ - gross, she thought. besides, if he were gone for the break, she wasn’t really sure what she would do anyway.
the standard was for them to study friday afternoon, and then they would usually met up at a party or something and would duck out for food when either of them got bored and go back to y/n's to watch tv and pass out. saturday was fairly similar, but sunday was more like study, and then they kind of always ordered food and watched tv or something. sometimes he slept on the couch - something her roommate would roll her eyes at whenever possible, espeically since ‘sometimes’ seemed to translate to almost every sunday.
she had finally told him to just bring clothes so he would't be late for monday morning practices anymore. her roommate had wondered loudly why mingyu didn't just move into y/n's room and get a tiny corner of the closet already. she had ignored that unnecessary commentary.
she groaned inwardly, “okay, fine - i’ll go with you, but you owe me,” you whispered.
he glanced up, “really?”
she ignored that he sounded a little too happy and nodded, “yes, if it means you can avoid her insanity for the long weekend,” she tried to feel confident about the decision.
luckily, she knew there was nothing between them. they’re only lab partners and maybe friends, at best, she tried to assure herself and ignore every other thought she had.
⋆˙⟡
she truly hated packing for anything, and this trip was no exception. the only slight difference was mingyu hanging out on her bed while she packed this time. she wasn’t sure if he was nervous or what, but he kept shifting around on her bed - it reminded her of a puppy rolling around in the hope that someone would rub its stomach. she tried not to laugh at the mental image of him rolling around in search of belly rubs. instead, she tried to focus on what to pack.
it was still warm enough to go swimming, despite the fact that it was ‘fall’ break, so she tried to decide on swimsuits. ultimately, she just packed them all - they were basically underwear anyway, she reasoned.
“are we sharing a room?”
“yeah, you know, since we’re together and ‘finally admitting it’ - is that really what jeonghan said?” he asked. he had been annoyed about that response for at least two hours.
“i literally showed you his text,” she mumbled as she hunted for friends-who-are-fake-dating appropriate sleepwear, aka her most oversized tshirts, sleep shorts that were as un-sexy as possible, and a few sweatshirts in case it was cold.
he sighed, “okay, but that’s such a flippant answer,” he complained.
she snorted, “‘flippant’?”
“yes!”
she grinned, wondering when he started using words like ‘flippant’ in normal conversations. mingyu was one of those guys who she hadn’t taken seriously when she first met him - he was fun at parties, but when he wanted to study together, she had been seriously skeptical. but then she saw their first exam grades post and realized how well he had ranked. she had wondered if it was just his personality or if he actively worked to hide the fact that he was that smart.
it hadn’t really mattered though since they had been studying together since then. something she distinctly remembered being an issue for his ex - katie had genuinely hated y/n and wasn’t quiet about it. it was maybe the only time she had seen mingyu fully lose his mind over something - she had never heard the words ‘get fucked’ said quiet so intensely, especially since that they were sitting in the library at the time.
she sighed, “don’t you think it might be a little obvious for us to show up together?”
“not really - she always said we had some weird thing, so why not let her be right,” his voice was concerningly normal.
she had been thinking about the fact that it was kind of a petty move. actually, there were loads of reasons she could think of for not going, including almost every scenario from a horror movie - she was not discounting serial killers in masks waiting in the woods. but her main concern was being confronted by katie - it just felt like a needlessly stressful way to spend her fall break.
“okay, but i mean, you couldn’t think of anyone else?"
he sighed, “like who? i hang out with you, i go out with you - you make sense,” his voice was soft, but he still sounded just a little disappointed that she was asking him…again.
she rolled her eyes, “we could just hang out like normal and avoid this.”
she glanced at him, watching him mull over what she had said and not for the first time either. to be fair, her anxiety was only growing. she left him to go pretend to be discerning about how much of her skincare she was packing, even though she was blindly grabbing everything from her counter. when she walked back into her room, he was sitting up.
“even if she’s there, the trip is just to have fun and not be on campus - you know, a break at joshua’s nice lake house,” he didn’t look at her as he explained.
she stared for a moment and turned back to her already exploding suitcase, “you only asked me because of her,” she felt like it was very obvious why she was going, but she heard him mumble something, which she ignored. instead, she violently jammed her clothes and toiletries into her bag.
she absolutely hated that knowing katie would be there made her feel a tiny bit competitive - she had purposefully picked all of her smallest swimsuits - she had even gone to get waxed for this, something she definitely would never admit to anyone. she had even dragged out her status luggage bag - the one her step-mom had given her two christmases ago that made her cringe. there was also the little, tiny mean voice in the back of her mind that had always thought katie had never been good enough for mingyu anyway - she wasn’t especially cute, and her voice drove y/n up the walls - not to mention she was kind of dumb and objectively sucked at beer pong. y/n would also never admit that she used to play them on purpose just to beat them because she was good at beer pong.
she jumped when mingyu touched her arm, “fuck, what?”
she hadn’t even noticed that he was lying on his side, watching her jam everything into her bag.
“you don’t have to go,” he whispered.
she swooped all of her hair off her shoulders in annoyance, mostly because there was something about the way he whispered, with this weird tenderness, that made her feel way too quivery. it wasn’t fair because she knew she never affected him like that. she just shook her head. she was totally fine with everything. plus, she didn’t believe him for a moment that she could just stay. she knew in her gut that she had moved something in their friendship past a boundary that she hadn’t even noticed, and now, she couldn’t just take it back without suffering the consequences.
⋆˙⟡
she was glad she was driving. she could at least focus on the road, plus they were the ones tasked with stopping at the liquor store, so she only had to deal with mingyu and seungcheol - she only wondered briefly why no one cared that seungcheol was solo for the long weekend. actually, it only annoyed her slightly that mingyu had left that fact out - she knew he could have spent the entire break with seungcheol, no problem, which only made her wonder why he really asked her. worse was her wondering why it seemed to matter that mingyu sounded disappointed at the idea of her not going, accepting but unhappy - not like he had been when she said ‘yes’.
she walked through the store, mainly looking for the things she wanted. her ideal party weekend was starting her day off with something bubbly and moving on to liquor by lunch. she wasn’t really paying attention to the cases of beer, tequila, and vodka mingyu and seungcheol were collecting. instead, she was in line to pay for her stuff and some edible gummy candies she noticed last minute - she grabbed several of those. she could’ve kicked herself for not asking her roommate’s girlfriend for some weed before she left. she waited next to her car for them to come out, answering a few texts. she ignored the ones from mingyu. she couldn’t help that she was from a family of people who completely avoided their emotions, plus she could see the message preview - it wasn’t anything life-changing.
when they came out, she wasn’t super shocked by the very full cart or the fact that they practically filled the back of her suv - they had to move their bags into the seat with seungcheol. it was like half the soccer team, their girlfriends, and friends for five nights, after all. the team wasn’t known for holding back at any of their parties - the rule was ‘no empties.’ she could only hope that the people getting food were grabbing enough to balance everything out.
the rest of the drive was uneventful. it was pretty though - even if it still looked like summer and not a bit like fall.
the house was a massive hunk of glass overlooking the lake. everything was very modern and sleek inside. she had been imagining something a little more cozy, less brutal. but that didn’t really matter, especially when they started divvying up the rooms - she and mingyu had a room that shared a bathroom with seungcheol’s room. and it hit her immediatly, mingyu was staying in seungcheol’s room. she wasn’t sure why it annoyed her, but it did, especially when she planned to be sharing a room with him.
she starfished out on the bed - her bed - and decided she would probably go home the next day. there was literally no reason for her to be here, and there probably never had been. also, sharing the bathroom with two whole ass guys just sounded miserable. she sat up after a few moments of moping, remembering the edibles she had - she ate three and dropped back onto the bed. she wasn’t planning on coming out of her room. mingyu could get fucked, she decided.
it was seungcheol who was leaning over when she woke up with a yelp, “what the fuck?” her heart was pounding.
he laughed, “sorry, mingyu wondered if you were okay, so i came to check,” he raised an eyebrow, “you seem alive, though,” he concluded.
she rolled her eyes, “thanks for the astute diagnosis, dr. choi,” she murmured and fell back onto the bed.
he laughed, “seriously though, you good?”
she exhaled loudly, “is he like standing in the bathroom or something?”
seungcheol shook his head.
“liar,” she groaned and rolled over, “i’m going home in the morning, so he can stop feeling whatever way he’s feeling.”
seungcheol looked surprised, “you’re just heading back? isn’t this like the first time you’ve like been somewhere together?”
she shrugged, “and?” your annoyance was definitely coming through, loud and clear.
seungcheol nodded, “right, you two have weird vibes, but look, i need him out of my room - my date is here, and i actually want to spend time with her.”
she could only roll her eyes, “so four people and one bathroom - this is only getting better,” she sighed, “i should just go home now.”
seungcheol shrugged, “whatever, just say it’s okay for him to come in here, so he stops whining in my room - it’s seriously killing my mood.”
“okay, whatever, i don’t care.”
this was truly going downhill as far as she was concerned. and why would mingyu be whining to seungcheol anyway, she wondered. she heard him come into the room, but she didn’t move. even when he sat on the bed, she stayed still.
“are you really leaving?”
she pressed her lips together, thinking, “probably not, but seriously, why did you even ask me?”
she had maybe run out of whatever annoyance she had felt before at being woken up out of nowhere, plus her edibles were wearing off. she sat up so she was next to him, “just tell me what this is - like i’m a buffer, right? but you didn’t tell anyone that i was just coming along, you told them we’re dating, and that comes with like expectations,” she trailed off.
“since when do you care about expectations?”
she wondered if smacking him would be too strong of a reaction.
this was all such a bad idea. she was going to have a shit weekend and probably lose her friend in the process.
⋆˙⟡
the rest of the night was uneventful, with everyone filtering in and no one eating at the same time. she grabbed food and something to drink and mostly avoided conversation, especially if it had to do with her and mingyu.
she also decided if she pretended this was like a retreat, she could just focus on swimming and hiking since, according to her phone, there were some great trails around. and obeying her fake retreat rules, she grabbed some extra water and headed to bed early - she needed to sleep if she was going to go for a sunrise swim. she was glad that she brought a sleep mask and ear plugs.
her only problem was mingyu’s texts. he hadn’t answered her question about why he asked her or explained why he went nuclear and told everyone they were dating. she had thoughts on what was going on, but she was as bad as he was. even lying in bed, in her not sexy at all clothes, her brain was in overdrive thinking about him in ways she didn’t want to be, especially since her phone kept going off. she knew he was thinking about her, even if it was this pretend, fake way - it didn’t matter. she pulled her pillow over her head to try to drown out the telltale buzzing. she refused to check her phone.
even when she finally heard the sounds of people going to bed. she cringed at the idea of seungcheol fucking. her gut reaction was that man would be loud.
she heard the footsteps outside their door, “come on mingyu - baby, just come to my room - you know you want to,” she sat up, knowing the voice immediately.
“no, i told you i’m not” — she heard the sudden wet sounds of a kiss.
“fuck, katie, stop - what are you not hearing?” she could hear the edge in his voice.
she sighed, she was technically there to help him avoid this kind of thing. she got out of bed and pulled off her sleep shorts, so she was clearly down to just her panties and tshirt, and tossed her sleep mask.
she walked to the door and opened it slowly, “gyu?” she made sure sleep was thick in her voice, as she pouted up at him adn tugged his shirt sleeve, “come to bed,” she whispered, biting her lower lip gently.
she didn’t even look at katie, just him.
he looked at her, “hey, baby,” he didn’t miss a beat, pulling away from katie as fast as he could and walking into their room after her, closing and locking the door.
she walked back over to the bed and flopped back onto the soft mattress, “helpful enough?” she asked.
the low light from outside was enough for her to see him nod, “sorry we woke you up,” his voice was soft.
she shook her head, “it’s fine, just come to bed - i want to swim in the morning,” she was already happily back under the duvet.
he was gone long enough for her to doze, but she opened her eyes when she heard him, “do you literally mean come to bed?”
she turned over and threw the covers back and patted the spot next to her. he still looked uncertain. she sighed and moved so she was on her knees - she grabbed his hand, “how much more of an invitation do you need?”
“you didn’t even check my messages,” his voice was so small - he sounded hurt.
she tried to find some answer in the way he was looking at her. but there was nothing besides the fact that she had hurt his feelings. ignoring him was the only thing she knew genuinely drove him nuts - he had told her when they were strictly lab partners how much he hated it - how much it annoyed him. she rarely ignored him. but she had tonight, mainly because her own thoughts were kind of fucked, seeing his stream of conciousness texts would have made it worse.
“so let me apologize,” she whispered, pulling his hand gently - it wasn’t lost on her that he was just in his underwear.
he let her pull him into bed, and she straddled him, reaching down to smooth his hair back from his face, “what hurts, baby?”
he touched his lips - she nodded, leaning down to kiss him softly. she held his jaw gently and kissed him slowly. she moaned faintly when she felt his hands ghost along her lower back and under her shirt. his hands were so warm, she shivered. she deepened their kiss, tracing her fingers through his hair as she did, loving how soft his hair was. they stayed that way, making out like it was the only thing in the world that mattered. even when she felt one of his hands slide down over the curve of her ass to trace his fingers under the hem of her panties, she didn’t break the kiss. she wasn’t worried about where his hands might wander. there were only so many things he could touch.
when she finally pulled away to breathe, she still played with his hair, “so, tell me what we’re doing, mingyu - so we both know, please.”
she could feel his hands on the backs of her thighs - he squeezed her thighs lightly, “what we do every weekend, y/n,” his voice was low.
she bit her lip softly, thinking about the weekend before, letting all her memories bubble to the top. her favorite part was the way he had held her back against his chest, leaning down to kiss her while he fucked her from below.
she shook her head gently, “just say it - tell me the way you told everyone else,” she murmured.
she waited for anything besides silence before sitting up and shaking her head. she moved to her side of the bed. she didn’t understand how they had gone so fluidly from one thing to another without really talking about it at all. but then again, that was maybe exactly how it happened - they hadn’t called it anything - it was just what they did. and she hadn’t cared about what it was anymore than he had until he brought it up - until he told people what they were. but somehow, that was the fake part - actually calling it a relationship wasn’t real, even though they had clearly been more than friends or anything else for months.
⋆˙⟡
she went to sleep purely for spite. and when she woke up with her alarm, she slipped out of bed, grabbed her swimsuit and went to change. it was when she walked out of the bathroom and by the bed that she felt him grab her hand gently, “are you really going out?”
she nodded, “yeah, why shouldn’t i do the stuff i want?”
“i didn’t say you shouldn’t,” he let go of her, sighing as he shifted around under the duvet.
she didn’t repsond, instead, she just grabbed her stuff and went quietly through the house and out the back. she walked along the dock, pausing at the end for a moment before jumping into the cool waters. even when she surfaced, she couldn’t get him out of her mind. she floated, thinking about the fact that whatever they were was only nameless when they were alone. she laughed to herself.
she got out when she started to feel chilly. she dried off and walked back to the house. she poked around the kitchen to find something for breakfast and some ice - she had kept her own drinks in their room, knowing they would be gone otherwise.
she went back to their room, bypassing the bed in favor of going onto the balcony they had. she hadn’t looked at it the night before. she only went back in to grab a bottle of champagne. she popped the cork, not really caring that it wasn’t chilled yet. she sipped it before sticking the bottle in the ice she had gotten. she ate fruit and some leftover steak she had found in the fridge. she scrolled through her socials.
a few of her friends had messaged to ask if she were really dating mingyu - her blanket response was easy, ‘no.’
.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁
a/n: told you they are dumb af...trust the process
♡ kat
.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁
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Omg your blog is such a relief. Every day I feel more and more like I want to distance myself from about 80% of the Solavellan community bc I am telling you it is ROUGH being into the egg and wanting to talk about him but being surrounded by people who think that everyone and their mother is out to get them. Meanwhile someone can come up with valid criticisms about how Lavellan's characterization was handled in VG and get swarmed with unsolicited opinions about solrook shippers and accusations of misogyny. I also see them running around in posts that are clearly marked as "Critical" And half the time when I CAN talk to them about Solas it's like they aren't even talking about the same character I am? They want him to be some helpless little abuse victim who isn't responsible for anything he does??? Why are we redeeming him if he did nothing wrong? What would be the point? We love him because he's fucked up and a manipulative bastard but also complex???? Did we play the same game girlies???
i have been staring at this ask since it came in trying to find a normal way to respond to you anon i will be so fr rn so i am so sorry it's taken a few hours
i’ll start with this:
“Why are we redeeming him if he did nothing wrong?”
full stop. this. so much. (i am in love with you anon) why is there a atonement/redemption ending if he did nothing wrong? (you’re literally so real) solas has done horrendous things. like genuinely abhorrent. (i crave to be your friend so bad anon) he is a genocidal, serial killing, manipulative lying cunt. to say the least. AND THAT IS WHY I LOVE HIM. he has such complex characteristics that make him so intriguing. he wants to be a good person. but he doesn’t really know how to be genuine. he is riddled with guilt and regret. he feels BAD about the things he has done. but he doesn’t want to face his mistakes. he knows he has done absolutely terrible things in the name of his people and their liberation, things most of them never asked him to do. some even asked him to NOT DO THOSE THINGS. did he listen? of course not! this is solas we are talking about. arrogant, prideful, calculating solas.
“They want him to be some helpless little abusive victim who isn’t responsible for anything he does.”
yes. yep. THIS SO BAD. (genuinely let me be your friend pls i am on my knees begging) the dynamic between solythal gets convoluted by most solasmancers because of three things: misogyny, jealousy, and ignorance. was there abuse? yeah. not denying that. was there only abuse? no. mythal was a victim of abuse herself. the way she learned to love, she passed down to solas. BOTH were victims of abuse who did terrible, no good, awful things. BOTH were also extremely powerful, omnipotent, and power-hungry individuals. mythal's hunger for power showcased differently than solas' and was amplified (IMO) by elgar'nan whispering in her ear. solas had felassan to keep him in check.
i am of the UPMOST certainty that had solas not taken down the evanuris the way he did and went to sleep after creating the veil, he would have become another tyrant ruling over the elven people. (THE MASKED EMPIRE ANYONE? HELLO? HELLOOOOO?) also anyone who says she was his MOTHER or SISTER?? god please drown me. put me in a tub and hold my head under water. that was his PARTNER AND HIS LOVER. i cannot with the takes that she raised his ass COME ON. i have sooooo much more to say about this dynamic and the themes of abuse AND how solasmancers twist it to make her this most evil, vile, horrible woman; but i would like to keep some of my followers tbh (anon i am frothing at the mouth if you want to discuss this further i beg you to dm me) so we shall move on.
"...valid criticisms about how Lavellan's characterization was handled in VG..."
yeah full stop i will never forgive them for making her one personality type. sorry, i just won't. my lavellan egg-mancer was a strong-willed and angry proud dalish woman who told solas off every chance she could! i am genuinely so happy people who wanted the dynamic we got in VG got that, because that is how their lavellan is/was, but what about the lavs who punched him? who told him to stop being an asshole about elves, and just farmed approval for the romance by asking questions? i chose to hunt his ass down BECAUSE I WANTED TO HUNT HIS ASS DOWN! my lavellan would not be so understanding or forgiving, she just wouldn't, so it feels like my girl's personality was ripped away from her fr. now, i DO NOT agree with some of the takes on how she was presented because those criticisms are in fact riddled with misogyny and most are just downright vile. but i do agree with the criticisms that not all lavellans would have been so kind to that bald man.
so anon, TRUST me when i say i feel you so bad. i was in lots of solavellan spaces before i started shipping dreadrook, and even then i was looked at SO funny for my takes on the romance and called plenty of terrible things simply because i didn't hold solas up on this pedestal and make my lav worship the ground he walked on. even as a dreadrooker, the same exact takes that i couldn't get behind in solav spaces are very prevalent in dreadrook spaces. solasmancers have a tendency to simply agree with solas on everything and refuse to acknowledge how bad of a person he really can be.
i am a proud solasmancer AND a proud solas hater. #1 solas hater, in fact. i rarely have positive things to say about his actions and behaviors outside of a joke setting, and even in a joke setting the things people will say to defend him RUB ME SO BADLY THE WRONG WAY. also heavy on the perusing the "critical" tags and getting offended when my takes are, in fact, critical LMFAO. anon i am literally a beggar sitting on the side of the street waving a metal cup at you asking for coins of your affection rn. i have maybe one other friend who feels like this and have hardly anyone to rant about these things with. holding my hands out towards you and begging you to dm me fr. PLEASE. we can be critical together <3
#ksdfhdakkdjf do i sound desperate enough for someone to talk with about this or#anon pls one more time pls be my friend fr PLEASE#anyways yes solas is a VILLAIN. AN ANTAGONIST.#A LIAR AND A WAR CRIMINAL#is he my blorbo??? yeah duh#BUT HE IS MY 'MORALLY GREY COMPLEX RIDDLED WITH GUILT AND EGO PROBLEMS' BLORBO#crying throwing up#these are issues across all solas ships it literally does not matter who you ship with him#so many solas fans have such a clouded view of him#NOT ME THO YALL STAY SAFE#obligatory i love him so so so much#but i don't have to be nice about him or like the fact that i love him#solas critical#solas#solas dragon age#solasmancer critical#solavellan critical#dreadrook critical#solrook critical#fandom critical#solas x rook#dreadrook#solrook#veilguard#inquisition#dav#dai#dragon age#ask answered#durgeapologist
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Poison I keep seeing you mention a modern!Raf fic!!
Can we get some hints at the vibes we going for?👀
Oh of course, love! It's a reference to the headcanons I wrote a while back here, but in summary what I'll be expanding on are these:
For the "normal" AU I'm calling modern!AU, it'll be taking place in our current society instead of Linkon's futuristic one. Also there are no myths-- I'm thinking of Rafayel still having a tragic backstory since our histories make us who we are, but no Lemuria or fated lovers.
I definitely headcanon Rafayel being younger than the MC. She'd be 27, a full-time detective and he'd be 24 but a famous art protegee since 15 and has a horrible reputation for being impossible to work with, struck-up, arrogant, and a fuckboy.
But Rafayel insists he's the older one to everyone you meet. It drives you insane.
He canonically has a Mercedes Benz AMG Gran Turismo and Ferrari 250GT, but I think he has at least three sports cars.
It's not a symbol of wealth to him because, honestly, Rafayel simply doesn't check the price tags on anything-- if it's a beautifully designed car, suit, jewelry, or painting, he buys it without another thought.
And vice versa. If an expensive label offers to sponsor him but he hates the designer he'll refuse no matter what the pay is.
You meet modern!AU Raf after hooking up in a club or bar. You disappear the morning after mind-blowing sex that was just supposed to be stress relief, and Rafayel can't get you out of his head-- but he doesn't even know your name.
He makes paintings of hidden freckles on your body, of your blurry figure dancing in the dress you wore that night, of colors and swirls that remind him of your touch. The media goes crazy over this mystery woman who's taken over the famous artist's heart.
He has no reservations about calling you his muse and within hours the press is abuzz with speculation on this mystery person who has captured the artist's heart.
"Love? Yes, I'm in love with her."
You, on the other hand, are mortified. You try to forget about him and move on but cue a series of further coincidences and shenanigans that tie you and Rafayel closer and closer together.
More nasty stuff normal!AU would also consist of:
"stop following me" "but you're obsessed with me too" "i hate you" "fuuuck, say it again" rough, angry, denial sex either in your workplaces where rafayel definitely didn't stalk to find you and/or at the bathroom of his art exhibit
Paparazzi following the two of you and swarming the outside of rafayel's ferrari thank god for tinted windows as you see the flashes go off while riding raf in the driver's seat
After you lose a bet he'd definitely make you wear a vibrator and a lingerie set he picked out under a gorgeous dress obviously of his choosing too during his exhibit. The catch? Raf is sooo much more turned on at this then you are, so while you're subtly losing your mind at the low setting of the vibrator rafayel has a very, very obvious erection watching you in the middle of his event.
and when you scold him for making it so obvious? straight to a storage closet or bathroom.
One of your hookups would definitely be in a fancy ass hotel and you'd be getting busy in the morning only to be walked in on by room service delivering breakfast
There's a "breakfast in bed" joke somewhere there...
Raf also has a lot of piercings in this AU, at least nine on the ears and a tongue piercing too. I'm debating an eyebrow/lip? He seems like he would on a whim/if he got drunk enough while out on vacation somewhere completely random. He'd complain about the pain the whole time but in reality he just can't wait to tease you with it.
#ask 𝖕𝖔𝖎𝖘𝖔𝖓#rafayel love and deepspace#rafayel x you#lads rafayel#love and deepspace rafayel#poison's raf obsession#rafayel x reader
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for legal reasons i am considering toki with an ao3 account
I raise you one
Toki with a Live Journal (I was a little too young to really get into or understand Live Journal. I tried really hard though.). Better yet, Toki with an old Deviantart account. Toki with a Fanfic.net account. Toki with a WATTPAD ACCOUNT!
Toki is a messy bitch, I know he is. I know he's also fucking crazy and does not spell check or tag correctly or understand how to use warning on AO3. His socials would be so all over the place and random, posting whatever fic idea came to mind, full 2am red bull infused writing sprint that could out pace Sha'Carri Richardson (queen).
Toki is also an old school type of fandom enjoyer. He understands Lemon, Sin, OTP, NOTP - all that good shit. He was there when the tag, "No beta we die like..." first started to appear. He was there when the tag, "Dead Dove: Do Not Eat" started to appear. He was there when the first ever, "5 Times/1 Time" fic was ever posted (Thank You @ basingstoke for "Five Things That Aren't True")
Now, I also believe that he is writing RLP (Real Life Pairings) of the band, he is that kinda freak, and no, he does not give a fuck what you think about it. He's making fics of everyone in the band and OCs, he's shipping them together, he's writing like Top Toki and Bottom Someone (It's Skwisgaar). He's writing A/B/O mpreg half-werewolf and half-vampire lost princess shit. He's writing the flower shop/tattoo parlor shit. He's writing the mafia dark romances. He's writing the modern AUs. He's writing the fantasy AUs.
He's also making the cover art himself and it's so badly photo shopped or just sketched on MS Paint or it's completely blank. I feel like Toki would be pretty infamous in the community as well but I don't think he would reveal himself as Toki Wartooth, or if he did, no one would believe him. They would think he was a really committed role player.
(Someone would ask him if he Kined Toki Wartooth and Toki would think that he was asking if he was related to him, so he said yes, and the rest is history.)
But remember, NONE OF IT IS GOOD! IT'S ALL REALLY REALLY BAD BUT THE THING IS THAT THERE IS SO MUCH PASSION BEHIND IT THAT PEOPLE GENUINLY LOVE IT! Toki's writing is horrible and his pacing is all over the place and most of the time you don't know what he's trying to say but god damn it if you aren't waiting on an update.
AND SPEAKING OF UPDATES
TOKI WOULD HAVE THE CRAZIEST FUCKING AO3 AUTHOR'S CURSE!
"Sos sories fer dey lates ubatess :P Drops my fors in dey frozun laekes ad watchs hims dreewns to deaths."
Followed by a link to this gif.
But no matter where he posts, no matter where he reads, he is never truly alone. Murderface is always right behind him on a secret account.
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I agree with the other anon, I feel bad for everybody in this situation. This new Sun because this is a confusing and worrying situation, Y/N because THIS on top of all the feelings of betrayal and trauma wondering where the person they fell in love with is, and Moon(if he's still alive) wasting away in the closet from soul-crushing guilt at what the virus made him do, everybody's not having a good time
well
#ask kandidandi#anon#ysf#lolol#but yes i love it everyone is having such a horrible time#but dw they get their happy ending#maybe not second sun hes kinda just there#jhfgdfghdfgdjh
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do yall ever think about bruce/batman!clone danny standing in front of his bathroom mirror after finding out he was a clone and silently tracing his face. The slope of his jaw and point of his chin. The high angle of his cheekbones and the shape of his eyes, the curve of his brow bones and the shape of his nose. The volume of his hair and the way it curls and gets fluffy when it gets too long.
His hair is black the same way a crow's wing is black. His dad's hair is black the same way a black bear's fur is black. His dad's eyes are blue like the ocean is blue. Danny's eyes are blue the same way a glacier is blue.
His dad has a square jaw and straight flat hair, and he tans and gets a face full of freckles when he's out in the sun for too long. Danny burns like a lobster and his face remains untouched. Danny has a sharp jaw and tall cheekbones, and Sam says when he's not smiling there's almost something regal about him. You would never call Jack Fenton "regal" when he's not smiling.
Sam says when he's not smiling he looks scary the same way a stone statue is. Jack Fenton when he's not smiling looks scary the same way that german shepherd staring at you across the street is.
Do you ever think he grew up wondering if he was adopted. Because of course, he has black hair and blue eyes like his dad. But having the same color doesn't make you someone's child.
Or, worse, things he's heard from the other kids and the other parents and even some of his teachers growing up; that he was the product of an affair. And that his dad was just too stupid to notice. And Danny would defend his parents until the day he died, because Jack Fenton wasn't an idiot and Maddie Fenton wasn't a cheater.
But doubt comes in with fickle tongue. his parents swear up and down that he is their child when he asks about either. That Danny just had his grandparents' features, but he was their son and they loved him.
But Danny doesn't look like either of his parents. His mom's eyes are blue like an aquamarine and Jazz's too. And they burn like lobsters in the sun too, but Jazz gets freckles on her face and so does Maddie. And as Danny grows up he doesn't bulk up or get stocky like his dad did, and when he hits puberty he doesn't shoot up like a tree like Jack Fenton did.
He stays small, and they say he's a late bloomer (and he is), or that he just has his mom's height. But he's fast and has good stamina, and some days it feels like he's built entirely different from his family. That the things they went through growing up just didn't apply to him. Jack and Maddie Fenton both had acne and breakouts when they hit puberty, and Jazz inherits it and he's seen the amount of skincare products she keeps on her side of the bathroom.
And then he hits puberty and breaks out maybe once or twice, but his skin stays clear for the most part and the problems and changes his dad went through just don't happen to him.
And the truth is worse than all of the lies.
How horrifying.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#danny fenton is a clone#clone danny fenton#clone danny#thinking about the inherent trauma that comes with growing up as a clone and not knowing and questioning everything about yourself#thinking about the amount of effort and lying that Jack and Maddie would've had to to do if they wanted to pass Danny off as their bio son#the MEDICAL RECORDS#danny's medical history is completely different from theirs. any generational health problems the waynes have would/could be passed down to#danny and he's completely oblivious to it up until the reveal. he'd have no idea about any medical risks until they hit him before that.#so many little things and inconsistencies that would just build and build and build until it finally came to a head and the truth came out#forever and ever and ever fascinated by the underlying horror of being a clone. there's a horror in being cloned but there's also a horror#in BEING a clone. like yes he could've always known from the start and that comes with its own set of issues BUT. just. him not knowing#for the longest time. the lies and deceit and betrayal. you know how adopted kids come out and talk about how they didn't know they were#adopted for the longest time and how traumatizing and betrayed they felt when they're finally told 15-20 years down the line? yeah that#i imagine finding out you're a clone is a lot like that.#i read a book in middle school once abt a girl moving to a new town with her family and getting these horrible nightmares and noticing how#everyone was acting strange around her. one of her nightmares was about the 30yo police officer being a shambling corpse talking to her#and at the end of the book she finds out she's actually the clone of a dead older sister and the police officer was her sister's boyfriend.#and she was in gymnastics but quit and her parents were so disappointed bc the og sister was a champion/award winning gymnastics player#and i never did finish the book but god am i reminded of that.#i love reading the dpxdc clone danny posts and they usually have him brush off being a clone which is literally totally fine but duUUDE#just imagine his own horror over it. its SOOO good
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Starting to think, going by the MXTX fandoms, that a lot of people are comfortable with being a bit terrible and not thriving for an ideal whatsoever, because they really really reeaaally want to believe Xue Yang and Jiang Cheng are poor cuties who weren't lucky and the heroes are a bunch of holier-than-thou arrogant bitches who need to be taken down a peg when the text says the opposite, because then it justifies their own faults and hatred of genuinely awesome people who seem to have it better in life and isn't that sooo unfair and isn't it fair that they should suffer to learn what it's like to suffer like them, poor tortured, petty, flawed humans who see themselves in the villains rather than the heroes.
#Bloom talks#I'm out of patience with people who have decided not to be better and won't take any responsibility for it#oh but I suffer so~#newsflash asshole most people struggle horribly at some point or another and yet some of us decide to be good#and also some of us are indeed gifted and impressive and it is something to be celebrated and yes admired on occasion#I love a good gifted person#who shines bright and leads an amazing life#the Wei Wuxians of the world are a treasure#you want to love Jiang Cheng because you feel you are like him and want to be loved?#I don't know man have you TRIED not being an asshole? people have an easier time loving you if you try you know?#you don't have to adopt it as your whole identity and make it everyone else's problem#so fucking tired of seeing people not even try#IT'S FINE TO BE CLEAR to relate to Jiang Cheng and be an asshole inside#we all are a little bit of an asshole inside!!#just stoop pretending he's actually good and Wei WuXian is bad!#yes I'm talking about a general thing with this very specific thing yes#mxtx#mdzs
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obviously i love strangelove’s character but she wasn’t written well… as a woman or as a lesbian…
#i wonder whose fault that is!#yes they did a “good” job with the queer parts of her character (partly)#like her love and admiration for the boss and how she was flawed#but do we remember the tape with paz? when she was unnecessarily portrayed as being predatory?#yes paz was technically 24 but they all thought she was 14 so it doesn’t make a difference#there was literally no reason to portray a canonically lesbian character that way.#they did it at other times as well with her giving cecile private baths#like they seem to have went out of their way to make her seem predatory as many times as possible#yes parts of her character could be argued to have been written well. i’m not denying that.#but unfortunately she suffers from being a woman in metal gear! and then suffers even more by being canonically queer#also this may just be my memory but i think in peace walker you could go onto her model in documents or something and she had a model in a#bikini. like 😐#no woman in metal gear is written as well as the male characters are. and that is because of kojima being a fucking weirdo#so it does slightly annoy me when people choose to ignore that and acclaim the writers for being so “inclusive” or whatever other bollocks#because they weren’t. they were weird about queer characters in all the games.#and i’m talking CANON queer characters. because i’m very sorry but only a small minority of mg characters are canonically queer#and because everyone lives in mgs-queerland people assume because snake doesn’t get written horribly despite not being explicitly portrayed#as queer they think that canonically queer characters get the same treatment and they don’t#this is sort of the thing with raiden and raikov as well#in a slightly different way but the same vein#and i love headcanoning mgs characters as lgbtq+! i really do and i do it all the time but unfortunately it is not canon (for the most part#that’s enough of my rant for now#mgs#strangelove#strangelove mgs#mgspw#metal gear solid#metal gear solid peace walker#zad talks
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Trying to remember where I first encountered humanity as a horror to see if this has a root the same way you can trace literally all of my thirst for fictional characters back to WITCH, but ngl I genuinely cannot remember anything like that.
#like you know. usually if something becomes human the narrative depicts it positively#like this is a good thing this is teh goal yay yippee#and that's great of course#love that#but everybody knows that i keep a collection of characters whose main conflict is humanity (horror) vs their nature#the example everyone likely knows is The Last Unicorn. and I saw the film adaptation when i was like 5 so maybe that's the root#but the thing is i... didn't realise the true horror of it until i read the book#so that shouldn't be it. but yes TLU is a classic example of humanity being the body horror AND the psychological horror#the unicorn was not meant to be a human. its nature isn't to be a human. it doesn't know human emotions. but it does now.#fully against its will and against the laws of nature it was changed into a she and now she is just like us and every day she looks#at her hands with horror and the hideous caricature in the mirror does not become less nausea inducing no matter how much#time passes. the repulsion gives only when the mind does. who are you really? what are you really?#and then she turns back but it ahs changed her. she will live knowing love and empathy and the fear of death.#she'll never belong anywhere and she'll have no kin. she's no longer human and no longer a unicorn.#sorry that got long because it's fucked up and depressing. but yeah that's like the prototype. the other wonderful classic#has got to be Viser I in Ani//morphs but honestly all Ye//erks are inherently this trope?#but a bit differently because they actually AREN'T that different from humans but their society shaped them into being#very different and the real horror is in realising that you have been very human all along. against your will.#the horror is just the same as if someone forced you to become a human because; well; what is the difference really?#perhaps it's even worse. i mean; the knowledge that you have always been like this; that has to be horrible; right?#and the other members of this beautiful collection aren't exactly classics but I love collecting them anyway. favourite niche fucked up#thing for real. for the uninitiated currently the other ones are Var//ney from Castle//vania (a mix of both of the above technically.#since he's something that is fully separate from humans YET his nature is actually human to the point that a character comments#on it and the kicker is he's fucking right! he's more human than many a vampire used to be. the humanity is inherent but he's very human#against his will and he'd deny being like humans at all. separating himself from humanity but hey! someone forgot that mirrors#are a thing! and they might not reflect vampires but they reflect what's within and boy your words are bullets shot in the dark corridors#of a funhouse and when they hit those funky panes of glass the one bleeding is you. you better check your mouth is dry#before you open it with a grin and stare in shock as blood pours out next time#another example is Gray from Dreamcatcher. yes i continue to ignore those few sentences at the end that completely ruin all the themes#and the last example is The Wi//nged Li//on. for obvious reasons. I'd say that's a mix of Gray and TLU
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Six of crows fandom, before you there is a Matthias POV chapter of Crooked Kingdom. Your task is to get through it in its entirety without making a joke about how his chapters are just him calling himself a whore for being in love with Nina or otherwise trivializing his religious trauma and deep rooted issues with purity culture. If you fail 3000000000000000 hammers will fall on you one at a time forever and ever. The hardest challenge of your life starts now,
#i fucking hate this sudden spike in clowning on matthias#some of yall havent grown up with an extremely conservative environment before and it shows#his internal battle is the result of him breaking away from his country but realizing that its hard to maintain his faith away from it#hes floundering for any morality he can manage while doing what needs to be done with the crows#and also????? nina is like his first love#have yall MET an 18yo extremely devout autistic christian boy falling in love for the first time.#they are stressed the fuck out#he is actively resorting his morals and values throughout the books cut him some SLACK#i hate how this fandom treats matthias#yes he did bad things awful things horrible#so did literally everyone else in this book that is the point#he has the most growth out of all the crows and yall push him to the side because he's 'not as interesting'#i dont trust you to be normal about religious people.#soc#six of crows#crooked kingdom#grishaverse#s&b#shadow and bone#matthias helvar#helnik#should i fuck around and tag the other crows.#im gonna im pissed#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#jesper fahey#nina zenik#wylan van eck
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Really into the episode of Ouran where this girl confesses her love to Mori but he doesn’t feel the same because he’s into Honey and the girl’s reaction is just like YIPPEE I LOVE YAOI THATS SO COOL FOR YOU YAY 🥰
#the klock keeps ticking#ouran high school host club#i watched ouran when i was 13 and repressed ah the classic experience yes yes#and i always said id rewatch but never did. until now cuz im going through something#im like halfway through and yeah id say theres quite a lot that ages like milk lol#like mostly just the way haruhi is treated is just. bad lol#a good thing is i like how haruhi personally feels about their own gender where they really honestly dont fucking care#which was a big relief cuz similar cases will have the ‘secret girl’ character either be really defensive#or you know. be like a naoto where its actually just the most uncomfortable thing ever#but the problem is the way that tamaki and occasionally the twins are like really obsessed with the girl thing#and constantly want haruhi to take on a feminine role cuz that wouldnt threaten their sexuality as much#tamaki in general is written so fucking weird lol and i do remember being based back then and hating him#and i never liked him with haruhi like im sorry hes just the worst option#hes capable of being funny when hes not being weird but I think he still ends up feeling horribly written#like when hes having his DRAMATIC LOVE INTEREST moments they just feel so horribly out of place#and theyre often times just badly aged tropes also the way haruhi is written in relation to the other members is weird#like i can see why theyd like the other characters but ive not really seen any reasons for them to like tamaki#but then the show will just randomly be like ‘oh yes haruhi thinks tamaki is a lovely person’ and its like. ooookay?#its ass lol and im probably preaching to the choir but like. haruhi is way better with a woman right?#i just know some desperate ass bastards have made some haruhi/renge content and i get it#other than that stuff i dont like i will say i enjoy what exists outside of the weird haruhi stuff#i like the characters and the concept is very funny and the episodes where everyone is normal are charming#and you know i gotta appreciate it for the impact it had on lame ass gay people even if the queer content is messy#ouran was just like. what we had for a long time. or at least was the most popular anime that featured queerness in some positive capacity#but also like. as it goes with this stuff once youve gotten to see better representation#you look back and youre like wow. im so fucking glad we can do better than this dogshit 😩
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lurking comes naturally
#that line was so funny#ew awful horrible sam#“in my time men would duel for less” perchance jacob is becoming my favorite#don't give him romance give him more funny one liners#everyone hates evelyn for her decor choices and that hate is NOT deserved#woagh spooky#that seance and also ye olde port haven (apocalypse version) was like...very unnerving#I kinda love it. who'd have thought from a hallmark show#declared him alive....?? there's a form for that....??#SO MUCH of this episode is wildly awkward omw#del was Certified Annoying in this episode tbh like I feel like there's a reason why she went off like that but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#oh I forgot about brady's role in jacob's disappearance I forgot he was there#OH. OHHHHH. OH MY WORD#insane#imagine getting married during the apocalypse#head empty no thoughts just !!!!!!!#the way home hallmark#earl crow ramblings
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i don't hate this sequel media where the main character is a woman (compared to the og media where the main character is a man) actually. i think you guys are just kind of misogynist.
#look. literally no one is perfect literally everyone has biases no matter whether they're internal or not.#however. you need to accept that you have those biases and work to be better#because you cannot constantly be blaming it on bad writing when if it was the og male character with the same writing you would love it.#this is about#star wars#legend of korra#13th doctor#'the timeless child are was horrible' i can guarantee you that a majority of you would have Loved it if david tennant was the doctor at the#time.#also on literally every single fucking post i see about 13. EVERY SINGLE ONE. there is a comment ab how the writing did her dirty.#compared to other seasons and episodes where the writing was also iffy but the doctor was a man. where you see almost 0 of those comments.#you don't have to constantly say it's bad writing.#im not accusing you of being totally misogynist. but there is SO MUCH internal bias that i see that you refuse to acknowledge.#you need to fucking accept that and think 'if this character was a man would i like her better' because the answer to that is almost always#yes.#you would. and that's. not fine. but as long as you can accept that and WORK on those biases.#sorry just. jesus christ i'm so fucking tired.#discourse
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I was gonna say this when I went over the episode in my Zerothon, but hot take: I don't really appreciate the fatphobia in Alpha, Bravo, Unicorn. Just saying!
#PZPTH#Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero#El Speaks#Like I really didn't love Blaze in the show but man I feel horrible for how he's treated in that episode#I could somehow be misreading the treatment of him but... yeah no that's fatphobia or something similar stinking up that episode#Also if I remember correctly he just loses all that weight and looks thinner again in At the End of the Worlds#Idk I kinda take it personally like gaining weight can be a sign of cope or healing (because yeah he went through a traumatic event)#But everyone is just like: ewww gross go be sad and fat somewhere else!#Like my man was in a depression slump and nobody cared#Yes he did stop being helpful and stewed in it for who knows how long but like cut him some slack!#He's having a depressive episode for probably the first time in his life! Let him pick himself back up at his own time!#I fucking hate the gross out humor in this god! Sorry I have sensory issues with people chewing and eating#It's also great to have friends help you out of that slump but... not like that... they're just a bit too harsh#I get it! Kid's show! But idk!#It always bugs me when people pull the: I liked the old you waaaay more! The new you sucks!#Like wow sorry for changing as a person (for better or worse)#I wouldn't have minded him becoming a mix of both versions of him but... that doesn't happen#Wow... I'm really taking this too personally... sorry!
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having twin peaks thoughts & theories bc i just started watching the return (i know spoilers ofc) and i have literally nowhere else to put my thoughts so i'm just gonna dump them here.
obviously i don't every single thing about twin peaks was meant to just be like... One Thing and that's it. i think there's room for interpretation for a reason butttt the one thing i just keep going back to about the show is just that. like. it's about the corruption of innocence and the perversion of family. of cycles of violence and abuse. children being sexually taken advantage of by "trusted" adults. teenage prostitution rings. barely a single relationship in the town wherein people aren't cheating on someone/cheated in the past. bob being "the evil that men do" (tbf this is technically just albert's theory but i choose to believe it) and now this weird thing with judy/the experiment (are they the same thing? idk yet) being the thing that CREATED bob? there's this weird thing i get with the black lodge/waiting room like... good people can't survive there without disappearing completely (nonexistence) or being permanently changed (in the case of annie, ig)
and then ofc you have the tormented souls being trapped there (laura, maddy, caroline(tbh idk what was going on w her doppelganger being there?), leland(he was originally a victim too, i'm getting there)) because of the things that were done TO them. i was thinking like. in regards to the frogmoth that crawled into sarah's mouth (when she was a child) and everything that's going on w/ her in the return (watching insanely violent things on tv, "eating" men, etc.) ... compounded with leland's story about bob "I was just a boy. I saw him in my dreams. He said he - he wanted to play. He opened me and I invited him and he came inside me." ... mr. c's introduction song being a twisted version of "american woman" (i've heard this is also related to diane's doppelganger, as well. makes sense) w/ the stand-out lyrics (aka the backwards ones) being "all my headstrong women... don't let em put you in a corner. make em salute you like a flag on the fourth of july." and sarah palmer having a shortened and remixed version of "good man" blaring in her house that just repeats the lyrics "i'm a good man. i'm having fun." like. there's smth to this i'm not insane...
anyways to go even FURTHER... there being specific emphasis on being in the right time and the right place. opposites (giant and dwarf, young and old, black and white, etc.) and the planets jupiter and saturn.
the experiment violently killing that couple that was watching the glass box bc they were having sex? or because they were(n't) watching? or both? the experiment very obviously being the thing inside of sarah but it pulling off it's own face within sarah and revealing a smile that looks eerily similar to laura's (even if not exact... ppl are such pedants about things being exact in this show where literally everything is drenched in like 8 metaphors at any given time) AND the laura in the black lodge/waiting room removing her own face in the exact same way. it's weird that in this instance, laura's dialectical opposite or opposing force is her own mother who she claims she has so much in common with. but this goes even a step further because when the experiment spawned in the glass box, it has a gold orb (or smth like it) like the one laura's like... spirit? was born from? AND APPARENTLY there's a little clip of what sounds like sheryl lee's voice saying "gone" or "the one" or something like that while the experiment is flying towards them (not unlike an owl) to kill them... hm. not to mention the experiment has a proboscis-like knife that comes out of its mouth that it uses to kill the guy sexually harrassing sarah at the bar... and carrie page has a dead guy in her motel room that has a hole in his head... could obviously def just be a bullet-wound LMAO but idk let's have fun w it!
i do think there's a crazy connection between sarah, laura, and the experiment/judy/whatever. "the room seems different... and men are coming. something happened to me. i don't feel good..." obviously, i will be able to make more connections and add to this theory as i watch more but from what i've seen i think there's a huge connection to children and how easily it is for them to be taken advantage of (literally every member of the palmer family was taken advantage of as a child when an evil entity entered them. i mean. how more on the nose can you be!!) or for their innocence to get stolen (prostitution, drugs, murder, becoming child brides to abusive older men... the list goes on). and there's obvious themes of intense sexual violence and dreams and blahhhh. it's like 5:30am and i'm theorizing about a show that will never have an actual answer LMAO... to be fair though it's not ABOUT actually "solving" it for me. i think most media works well when you get what you want or need from it and just kind of make that The Point and, for me, twin peaks will always be about the tragedy of laura palmer before it's about anything else!
i really do like that theory that dale cooper is just like. an entity that laura dreamed up to save her originally but in the end, after she had finally escaped being laura palmer and that life and that house and her trauma, he ended up bringing her right back to it. it's like. how does that not make people insane?
#fwiw i know dale kinda CAN'T be made up considering his past but if you actually like. think about it it weirdly lines up#the fbi in the show is already like. insanely idealized in the fact that they actually care about stopping horrible things from happening#and not a single one of those fbi agents ever acts normal LMAO but that's lynch for you. still though i think there's smth to be said about#like. dale cooper IS the fbi. he is the quintessential fbi agent who lives and breathes laura palmer's case and when he solves it#he just goes on to (try) to live in her town and never leave#and laura hated her town and almost everyone in it and her life so it's like. i do see that it doesn't fit perfectly as a theory#but at the same time isn't dale cooper just kind of like an insanely idealized caricature of someone living a worthwhile life#he's outrageously positive he has an answer for everything he's free to love whoever he wants and yes he has a dark past but#it comes up as more of an afterthought than anything that necessarily haunts him (mid-s2 was just um. well. eheh. anyways.)#but like even his archnemesis windom earle and their rivalry is so picturesque. an fbi agent having an affair with his partner's wife#and that makes said partner go insane and kill his wife and disappear. like... is that not the most telegraphed cartoon-ass backstory#that an fbi agent could have? i mean this in a complimentary way btw. like windom earle's whole thing is chess and disguises. he dresses as#a horse. to kidnap bobby's dad. does this not sound like something a child would come up with. meanwhile the giant is a guy named 'the#fireman' who just so happens to live in (or behind the veil of ig) a place where bobby's dad used to take him as a kid#and this is the man who sent laura's spirit to the world as a force of ultimate good or something. because LAURA IS THE ONE.#idk there's smth there about twin peaks all being a child's dream about what being an adult is like and a way to characterize all the#bad things that happen to people (not even just adults) like wouldn't it be so great if you could blame your father sexually abusing you on#a guy named bob. wouldn't it be great if you could blame all the world's problem's on the creation of atomic bombs bc what's scarier than#living through the cold war and constantly waiting for nuclear destruction that never comes? what's scarier than the violent reality of any#given situation. it would be great if we could blame all the bad things we do on our evil doppelganger from another world#idk. just smth i think about when i watch the show. that's all
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