#but yeah. i cant take masking in front of dad AND them rn. so i just fucking broke down
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hideaway-or-safehouse · 1 year ago
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my least favorite thing about having autism + CPTSD is how a trigger of mine can be barely touched and then im silently crying on/off for the rest of the day as i have an autistic shut-down
#my mom was telling me my half-siblings were coming over on sunday. and i just broke#context: my half-siblings have a 20+ year age gap with me and vaguely knew our shared dad was abusing me#and i get not wanting to confirm if abuse is happening to protect yourself from said past abuser and whatnot#but i also just think about the fact that i dont have any of their phone-numbers and none of them checked in on me#and they just come over on christmas (and potentially when invited on fathers day/dad's birthday and whatnot)#and like. if you ask me: i dont consider someone i see for a total of less than 10 hours a year who#also never checked in on if their youngest sibling was being abused for 20+ years a sibling or family#at best: youre like a second cousin three times removed from me or some shit#the people that were with me every day or most days are my family#but yeah. i cant take masking in front of dad AND them rn. so i just fucking broke down#(also: my nieces and nephews are fine. i have no grudges against them. we just also are not close)#(my half-siblings i dont have a grudge against in the sense of actively hating them. i just want them cut out of my life)#(which sucks bc like. my dad is to blame. hes the abuser. it sucks his abuse impacts how i see my half-siblings. but dad is dying and i jus#want his funeral to be the last i hear/see from my half-siblings. like i will get pissed of they try to reconnect post his death like stfu)#(adults who didnt intervene bc they had no idea: fair enough. // adults who didnt intervene even tho they had a p good idea bc they#were abused by the same person: fuck you. like. just be estranged from me (and dad) my whole life. i could pardon that. not this tho.)#anyway. i think the solution is to just: not be home on sunday#idk what my lie will be but im still crying about all this.so evidently i doubt ill be able to disassociate well enough to ''tough it out''#barnes and nobles sounds nice. i probably would want to bring my cat with me in her backpack but thatll be suspicious so idk#maybe ill just fake sick in my bedroom. i dont want to tho#id rather just leave the house#ill probably get some pushback bc its dad's birthday celebration but i think its p obvious ill start crying soooooo#shame my mom thought she was being nice (she was. my half-sibs and my dad is dying. of course they wanna be there for his birthday)#i just wish things were different#might delete later
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kirk-doodle · 7 years ago
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92 Truths About Me
Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. I was tagged by @bergamonty
LAST:
Last drink: Milkshake
Last phone call: 2:05 PM it was my dad.
Last text message: To my sister “we are up front”
Last song you listened to: I dont know i was listening to the radio.
Last time I cried: during my counseling appointment on Wednesday 
HAVE YOU EVER:
Dated someone twice: Nope
Been cheated on: Not that I know of!
Kissed someone and regretted it: Yes
Lost someone special: Yes
Been depressed: for a few weeks after a break up.
Been drunk and thrown up: NOPE. Not yet.
IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
Made a new friend: yes
Fallen out of love: it’s a process that takes a whileeeeee.
Laughed until you cried: yes
Met someone who changed you: yes
Found out who your true friends were: yup
Found out someone was talking about you: Nope

GENERAL:

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: a few? but I don’t really talk to a lot of them in real life anymore. or.. at all. 
Do you have any pets?: YES I have 6 pets.
Do you want to change your name?: Yup. 
What time did you wake up this morning?: 9:30 AM and 10:00 AM
What were you doing last night?: listening to sleep help videos. Like rain noises to help sleep
Name something you cannot wait for: Cant think of anything.
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeahhhhhh. My Uncle.
What’s getting on your nerves rn?: that Im still thinking about some stuff. 
Blood type: ???? not really SURE which is not a fun time? haha...
Nickname: Doodle {Bird}, Churro, Gabe. 
Relationship status: Single but Healing
Zodiac sign: Virgo
Pronouns:  He/They
Favorite tv show: Rick and Morty and Gravity Falls 
College: None
Hair colour: a really dark brown
Long or short: short
Do you have a crush on someone: I always seem to have a crush on someone but avoid it at all costs. 
What do you like about yourself: I care.
FIRSTS:

First surgery: hmmmm... my top two wisdom teeth were taken out?

First piercing: no where. 
First best friend: probably my family friend since I was 4. 

First sport you joined: Soccer 
First vacation: Oregon, IL back when I was a youngin.
First pair of sneakers: Not sure. I dont remember 

Eating: nothing
Drinking: nothing

I’m about to: take my medicine
Listening to: Nothing
Want kids: Not really. Kids are really not my thing. 
Get married: Id like to get married eventually. 
Career: There are so many things to do okay? So many things. I remember I wanted to Be a Teacher at one point. I still would like to do teaching, Bar tending is a thing,  writing? just. so many things to do.

WHICH IS BETTER:

Lips or eyes: eyes
Hugs or kisses: hugs
Shorter or taller: both. 
Older or younger: *shrugs* both? depends on the age gap.
Romantic or spontaneous:  Both. I think a good mix is appropriate.
Sensitive or loud: sensitive. Loud people are too much for me.
Hook up or relationship: Relationship
Troublemaker or hesitant: I mean a healthy mix of both.

HAVE YOU EVER:

Kissed a stranger: no
Drank hard liquor: yeah? I guess i have.
Lost glasses/contacts: I dont wear glasses or contacts

Sex on first date: No
Broken someone’s heart: Yupppppp

Been arrested: 
No
Turned someone down: Yes
Fallen for a friend: Yupppp I think that is what has lead me to realize Im demiromantic

DO YOU BELIEVE:

In yourself: As time passes.
Miracles: yeah
Love at first sight: *shrugs* I think sometimes there are moments when you can feel love at first sight or be attracted to someone on first glance but personally it takes me a while to feel attraction. 
Heaven: YUP
Santa Claus: Not really. I never really believed in Santa. 
Hmmmmm Let me Tag @masked-fox-creations @naknaknakadile @welcome-to-helliot @arichu @david-browie @lynsleigh @pinkichthyes and @celestialwavelenght
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fifty-shades-of-succ · 8 years ago
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Questions 1-154 please?
Full name - Ebony M
Zodiac sign - Libra
3 Fears - Snakes, the ocean, rejection
3 things I love - ma lads, sport and video games
4 turns ons - beaming smile thats full of emotion and joy, eyes, being respectful and having manners, and being funny as fuck
4 turns offs - lack of hygeine, sexist, dull as a doorknob, racist
My best friend - I cant choose the closest out of them but Cal or Luke
Sexual orientation - its an utter mystery
My best first date - Cruise ship in hawaii with just Ally and Erich
How tall am I - 165cm
What do I miss
 - Year 10
What time were I born
 - 22:22
Favourite colour - Black purple and orange
Do I have a crush
 - YA
Favourite quote
 - The mask you wear serves its purpose well, but be careful not to lose yourself in it.
Favourite place
 - My house when I’m home alone. Or anywhere where my best friends are
Favourite food
 - Pasta
Do I use sarcasm
 - Yeah I do just not as much as I used to
What am I listening to right now
 - .....Lazy town ‘We are number one’ Dank version
First thing I notice in new person
 - Smile and eyes
Shoe size
 - Anywhere from a 6-8
Eye colour
 - Grey
Hair colour
 - Rn its a lil purple/red, but naturally its brown
Favourite style of clothing
 - uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk
Ever done a prank call?
 - Yeah, I think so
What colour of underwear I’m wearing now?
 BLACK
Meaning behind my URL
 - who fuckin knows
Favourite movie
 - Kingsman, or the breakfast club
Favourite song
 - Heartbeat, or Electric Love
Favourite band
 - I dont reeeaally have one but maybe Bastille?
How I feel right now
 - Great
Someone I love
 - my friends
My relationship with my parents
 - SHITTY AS ALL FUCk
Favourite holiday
 - Hawaii
Tattoos and piercings?
 - None, except a piercing in each ear lobe
Tattoos and piercing i want
 - None
The reason I joined Tumblr
 - Everyone said to
Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?
 Yea!!
Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?
 Nope
When did I last hold hands?
 Uh....cant remember
How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?
 Hmm..an hour and a bit usually, maybe an hour and a half
Have I shaved your legs in the past three days?
 I dont shave, I wax
Where am I right now?
 In bed
If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?
 Cal and Kenzie probably, they did a good job of it at the deb after party hahahaha
Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?
 Depends
Do I live with my Mom and Dad?
 Through the week, my father, but on the weekend both
Am I excited for anything?
 Running seshs with friends, a party with the meme friends and then a outing I have with my best friend
Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?
 Yea
How often do I wear a fake smile?
 Always when Im around people I dont trust :)
When was the last time I hugged someone?
 Today
What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?
 Never kissed really
Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?
 Yeah definitely.
What is something I disliked about today?
 One small thing went bad and everything I’ve been suppressing hit me at once
If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
 My soulmate
What do I think about most?
 Love i guess
What’s my strangest talent?
 I can text extremely fast without looking at the screen
Do I have any strange phobias?
 Uh the ocean I guess
Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Both are equal
What was the last lie I told?
 Nah I’m totally chill with my evening plans being ruined
Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
 Video chatting
Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
 Both, yes
Do I believe in magic? Nah
Do I believe in luck?
 Yea
What’s the weather like right now?
 Uhhh cold
What was the last book I’ve read?
 The second CHERUB book
Do I like the smell of gasoline?
 What
Do I have any nicknames?
 Ebs, m9, fam, chocolat THUN-DA #catinthehat
What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?
 Smashed my head open on the playground in year 1
Do I spend money or save it?
 I save it
Can I touch my nose with a tongue?
 No
Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?
 Yeah, my toucan lamp!
Favourite animal?
 Owl! Or toucan!!
What was I doing last night at 12 AM?
 Watching the avengers with a friend
What do I think is Satan’s last name is?
 Uh lol skip
What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?
 Electric love, out of my league
How can you win my heart?
 Being nice and complimenting me on everything and talking to me properly
What would I want to be written on my tombstone?
 ‘We are number one *DROP IT*’
What is my favourite word
 - Soup, vanilla, crunch
My top 5 blogs on tumblr
 - @dont-drop-your-ascots @u-wanna-go-m9 @you-was-only-for-yourself @setheverman and then any Danganronpa blogs
If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?
 BE FUCKIN NICE! AND MATURE!
Do I have any relatives in jail?
 No
I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?
 Teleportation or pretty much a glass or neon conduit
What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
 
What is my current desktop picture?
 Lots of corny love quote shit
Had sex?
 No
Bought condoms?
 No
Gotten pregnant?
 No
Failed a class?
 No
Kissed a boy?
 No
Kissed a girl?
 No
Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?
 No
Had job?
 Hehehehe had job. No
Left the house without my wallet?
 Yea
Bullied someone on the internet?
 No
Had sex in public?
 No
Played on a sports team?
 Yea
Smoked weed?
 No
Did drugs?
 No
Smoked cigarettes?
 No
Drank alcohol?
 Like a sip
Am I a vegetarian/vegan?
 No
Been overweight?
 No
Been underweight?
 Yes
Been to a wedding?
 Yes
Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?
 Every day
Watched TV for 5 hours straight?
 Yeah
Been outside my home country?
 Yes
Gotten my heart broken?
 Yes
Been to a professional sports game?
 Yes
Broken a bone?
 No
Cut myself?
 Yes
Been to prom?
 Well Deb is the equivalent so yea
Been in airplane?
 Yes
Fly by helicopter?
 Yes
What concerts have I been to?
 owl city!!
Had a crush on someone of the same sex?
 No
Learned another language?
 Yes
Wore make up?
 Yes
Lost my virginity before I was 18?
 No
Had oral sex?
 No
Dyed my hair?
 Yes
Voted in a presidential election?
 No
Rode in an ambulance?
 No
Had a surgery?
 No
Met someone famous?
 I dont think I have
Stalked someone on a social network?
 Heheheheh yes
Peed outside?
 Uhhhh hasnt everyone??
Been fishing?
 Yes
Helped with charity?
 Yes
Been rejected by a crush?
 Every time
Broken a mirror?
 Yes
What do I want for birthday?
 A vacation or a proper pc or a proper set of headphones
How many kids do I want and what will be their names?
 None
Was I named after anyone?
 No
Do I like my handwriting?
 No
What was my favourite toy as a child? Beanie kids
Favourite Tv Show?
 Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Where do I want to live when older?
 Melbourne
Play any musical instrument?
 No
One of my scars, how did I get it?
 I fell out of bed and smashed my eyebrow on the bedside table
Favourite pizza toping?
 Bacon
Am I afraid of the dark?
 Yes
Am I afraid of heights?
 A little
Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?
 Yea tot he second, no to the first
Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Every time
What I’m really bad at
 - Maths
What my greatest achievements are
 - IT games programming award and Cisco award (hehehehe)
The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me
 - Essentially ‘you’re the reason everything is bad’, and ‘you will never be seen as pretty or acceptable for anyone’
What I’d do if I won in a lottery
 - bank half and give one quarter of it to my family and then the other quarter to charity
What do I like about myself
 - I can sometimes be funny
My closest Tumblr friend
 - @dont-drop-your-ascots
Something I fantasise about my ex - idk
Thanks for the ask! I CANNOT BE BOTHERED TO BOLD IT ALL thanks lads
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