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auburnflight · 4 years ago

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Jeanne, Vanitas and Agency

From the little I’ve dipped my toes into it, the VnC fandom seems pretty heated regarding Jeanne as a character. In drastic situations, I’ve seen accusations of misogyny based solely on someone’s comments on their feelings about Jeanne... a single character. And while yes, critiques can certainly be rooted in misogyny (must women be strong all the time? must they be submissive?), I think it’s important to consider not just the character herself, but how the story treats her and why we’re making the critiques we are.

Given that points of view in the fandom are so polarized, I’m going back to canon--to the text itself--to orient this essay. In particular, I’m going to focus on the point of agency--the freedom to make one’s own decisions about one’s self and one’s course of action. This goes beyond just Jeanne’s background as a borreau, trained to fight and follow orders. Agency is also consequential in her relationships with other characters and with the story as a whole.

(Content warning for discussion of abuse dynamics, and brief mentions of sexual assault.)

It’s natural to start off with Jeanne’s first appearance in the story: alongside Luca, she’s introduced as a new agent of conflict with Noe and Vanitas’s budding alliance. In fact, she is the one who initiates the physical altercation with Noe and Vanitas, while Luca is still trying to talk them into giving him the Book of Vanitas:

Aesthetically and conceptually, she’s introduced as an active element of the story. At this point, the “forced kiss” scene during the initial fight seems more like a fluke, a comment on Vanitas’s personality (and willingness to do despicable things to get what he wants) rather than Jeanne’s.

That brings me to why I found it so jarring when colored art of her that was subsequently revealed: that agency fell away to portray a visually more passive air.

In the existing full-color art we have of Jeanne, she’s more static in her environment, looking towards the viewer but with a face that looks rather blank, even meek. Specifically I want to point out this wallpaper, which I obtained from the official site fairly early on in Vanitas’s serialization (December 2016), in contrast to another piece of official art that was released of Noe and Vanitas with Memoire 11, around the same time:

In both cases, the characters are posed intentionally, rather than actively doing something. And, they’re aware of the viewer’s gaze to some extent. However, Jeanne has her back turned to the viewer, and her expression is more idealized and ambiguous. Meanwhile, Noe and Vanitas are rather assertive: their expressions are more intentionally focused, and they seem to know their situation in the artwork. Jeanne is simply passive, very nearly objectified.

...Yeah, maybe this is just my art background speaking. But I also notice something similar happening in other official colored pieces of Jeanne, such as the cover of volume 4.

By this point in the story, lack of agency has become an even more significant element in Jeanne’s character arc: we learn that she’s been cursed. Not only is she unable to speak of the curse, it’s also in direct opposition to one of her primary character motivations, to protect Luca and those she cares about. Due to her uncontrollable urge to kill and drink blood, Jeanne fears that she’ll unintentionally hurt the very people she’s trying to protect.

Jeanne’s involvement with Vanitas also unfortunately comes with a sacrifice of her own agency. Seeing that she’s been cursed, Vanitas demands that she drinks blood from no one but him in exchange for keeping her secret. He further establishes her sense of reliance on him by promising that if he ever does see her lose control, he’ll kill her (so that she doesn’t harm Luca). Whether he’s simply a smitten 18-year-old who doesn’t yet know how to conduct healthy relationships, or whether he’s crafty and intentionally drawing Jeanne in further--or even whether it’s a mix of both--this idea of Vanitas’s control over her is reflected in the cover art for volume 4.

At this point, considering the literal events of the story, Jeanne’s passiveness is not only visual, but symbolic. In this illustration, Vanitas’s hand is grabbing Jeanne by her bow, and functionally by her neck: she’s being dragged along against her will, with little means of escape. And she looks at the viewer with a surprisingly similar expression to the previous illustration: one that communicates little say in the situation.

This matches up with their literal relationship in the story itself. Knowing she’s cursed, Vanitas is establishing her exclusive reliance on him, in exchange for keeping important secrets from others with whom she’s close (i.e. threatening to drive a wedge into their relationship). He’s already pushed himself upon her physically with clearly no warning or enjoyment from her. Yes, he’s been kind. And when Dominique trails Vanitas and Jeanne on their date, she notes that Jeanne is “terribly weak against any sort of kindness.” But in spite of some more “cute” and candid moments, the overall dynamic between Jeanne and Vanitas is far from genuine kindness. Returning to how Vanitas garnered an edge over her in their initial fight--with taunting, carefully chosen words--I would phrase it more as that Jeanne, a borreau trained to kill and inexperienced with matters of feelings, is particularly susceptible to emotional manipulation. (There’s more than a little irony in this internal comment from Jeanne, at the beginning of her date with Vanitas:)

Jeanne’s relationship with Vanitas becoming important isn’t, in isolation, inherently an issue. In most cases, it’s fun to see how a character who usually appears unshakeable is rounded out when we see them at their more vulnerable times. What makes me feel squicked out and worried on Jeanne’s behalf is how it’s executed, considering how it works in opposition to how she was introduced as a character, and how Jeanne and Vanitas’s relationship harkens back to known dynamics of abuse.

In other words, my discomfort is not at Jeanne herself for falling for Vanitas and his tactics. It’s at how she’s introduced with a promise of agency in her own story, and that agency is subsequently taken away in how she’s portrayed in official art, and in plot points as the story progresses. It’s at how their relationship begins to fall into a harmful template perpetuated by rape culture, where a man forces himself upon a woman at first, but she is shown to eventually enjoy those advances even when unwanted. I had high hopes for Jeanne as a character developed with her own agency, motives (and yes, for cool fight scenes that WLW like me can admire), and so far, Vanitas’s effect on her has threatened to overshadow these. This is where I think sections of the fandom throwing accusations back and forth of each other being misogynistic, on the grounds of criticizing Jeanne and her relationship with Vanitas, fail to see the wider issue.

Of course, eliciting this sort of discomfort may even be the whole point. Jun Mochizuki is known for putting her characters through tragic and painful situations, and her previous work Pandora Hearts is rife with unstable, imbalanced, and otherwise less-than-perfect relationships. But even without this background knowledge, a decisive scene that convinces me of the intentionality of this purpose is one I’ve written about before: Jeanne’s internal fantasy as she’s left unattended by Luca and loses herself in a storybook.

Here, Jeanne fantasizes about being the agent in her own story, a position that, the art reminds us, is often occupied by a male character such as a prince. Ultimately, this progression looks innocent and could serve to remind us of Jeanne’s more vulnerable, innocuous side. But including it here in the story could also serve as foreshadowing, a contrast to what Jeanne’s situation is like for her in reality. (If you want to read more on this panel specifically, my analysis is in the source link of this post!)

Essentially, critiquing Jeanne as a character requires more nuance than simply judging her individual characteristics. It’s necessary to also take into account the way that the story treats her and her relationships with others and other forces in the story. Not just is she allowed to be soft and emotional, but what consequences does this have for her, and how do the story elements lead the reader to feel about her being soft?

Personally, I think she’s very likeable as a character--her situation just seems unfair, and I feel like she deserves so much better than Vanitas and his schemes. I mean, she could easily destroy him with her gauntlet, and he knows it! But, then, it’s Jun Mochizuki. We should probably expect to be feeling pain and pity for her characters. Still, the relationship between Jeanne and Vanitas has always kinda rubbed me the wrong way, and I think this pretty much sums up why.

#vnc #vanitas no carte #the case study of vanitas #vanitas no shuki #aki likes analyzing things

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ordinaryschmuck · 4 years ago

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Why I (Want to) Love Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure

Salutations random people on the internet who most likely won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

When I heard Disney was making an animated series based on Tangled, acting as a continuation from the original movie, my initial thought was, "Why?"

Sure, Disney is infamous for its unnecessary sequels of the story after happily ever after, with the many, many, many failures that follow suit. Even then, though, most of these continuations were movies that kind of have the potential to tell more of a story. But what more could be said about Tangled? Sorry to spoil a movie that's over ten years old at this point, but by the end of it: Rapunzel lost her golden hair, was reunited with her parents, fell in love, and lived happily ever after. Her losing the golden hair is the most essential part of that list because how can you do a series based on a Disney princess when her most iconic feature is gone? Then I found out that the series forced a way for her hair to come back, and my new initial thought became, "Oh man. This is gonna suck, isn't it?"

Despite the hesitation, I decided to give it a chance anyway. After all, I've been pleasantly surprised before. Things like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, The Mitchells vs. the Machines, and even The Owl House (yes, really), were shows (and a movie) that I didn't think would be that special. Only to find myself enjoying nearly every minute. So after watching Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure, I can certainly say I was surprised...but it was entirely for the wrong reasons.

And to explain how requires spoilers. So if you haven't checked the series out yet, I highly suggest you do it to form your own opinion. Just keep in mind that it's a bit of a mess, but it can be an enjoyable mess...sometimes...let me explain.

WHAT I LIKED

The Animation/Art Style: The series swapping from 3D to 2D might have been the most brilliant decision anyone could have ever made with this series. Usually, when an animated movie gets turned into a show, the most noticeable downgrade is always the animation. Whether it’s not as detailed or not as fluid, it's always subjective that the movie is better animated than the series. But by switching up the styles, the contrast becomes objective instead. 2D and 3D animation each have their pros and cons, so deciding which one is better is nothing more than a matter of opinion. So by changing the style, Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure avoids getting complaints of being a downgrade from the original movie. It also helps that the art style of the series is really unique.

The best way to describe how the show looks is that it's like a coloring book brought to life. At times, everything looks like it was drawn and colored in with crayons, which sounds like an insult, but in actuality, it's one of the best features of the series. As much as I love most animated shows nowadays, I will admit, they all look a little too similar at times. Then here comes Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure, which tries to incorporate a whole new style that successfully sets it apart from most shows.

As for the animation itself, it's really well-made! It's remarkably expressive when required, while the movements are really fluid during the correct scenes. Sure the fighting can be a little floaty during some action set pieces (yes, those exist here), but the dialogue and comedic moments are really where the series shines with its animation. I may have problems with the series as a whole, but I give credit where credit is due for the perfectly executed effort that I see in every episode in terms of animation.

Rapunzel and Eugene’s relationship: This was not something I was expecting to enjoy from the series. In the movie, Rapunzel and Eugene were fine. They were the typical Disney couple that worked off of each other enough that it was always entertaining, even if it was unbelievable that they fell deeply in love with each other after, like, two days. They weren't bad, but they weren't anything to go crazy over.

But the writers for the series said, "You know what, let's make these two adorable in nearly every scene they're in." And they are!

Even though I don't believe in their relationship in the movie, I fully believe it here. Both characters have a large amount of faith in one another on top of having endless love for their partner. Like how Eugene knew Rapunzel would be fine when taking out an airship or how Rapunzel couldn't bring herself to say a bad thing about Eugene when making Cassandra a sparring dummy of him. It's legitimately pleasant to watch, to the point where I put Rapunzel and Eugene in my top ten list of favorite fictional couples. They're that good to me, and it's one of the reasons why I don't jump on the bandwagon of shipping the two main female characters together. I'm all for LGBTQA+ representation, but give Cassandra her own girlfriend. Rapunzel's taken, and most of my enjoyment of this show comes from her and her man. So, you know, keep things as they are.

Cassandra (Seasons One and Two): Seeing how I've already mentioned her, let's talk about Cassandra, shall we? Because when making a series based on a movie that had only four prominent characters, with two of them being comedic animal sidekicks, you're going to need to introduce more members to the main cast to write more potential stories. And Cassandra, in Seasons One and Two (I'll get to Season Three), is a worthy addition. She acts as a strict straight man (I know the irony) who interacts well with Rapunzel and clashes perfectly with Eugene on occasion. She was passably entertaining in Season One and developed amazingly in Season Two. Her growing frustrations with Rapunzel's actions lead to a slow build-up that made her betrayal heartbreaking but somewhat understandable. And as for the results in that betrayal...yeah, I'll get into that later. For now, I'll just say that Cassandra was a pleasant addition to the main cast, especially when she was a part of the main trio, and she's yet another good surprise that the writers supplied for the series.

The Songs: The songs are...not going to be for everyone. Most of them are passable yet kind of generic, while others sound like they belong on Disney Junior (Looking at you, "Bigger Than That"). But when Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure makes a hit, MAN, it is a home run. Numbers like "Ready As I'll Ever Be" and "Nothing Left to Lose" are sung phenomenally, orchestrated well, and are songs I can listen to on repeat multiple times. And "Waiting in the Wings" is not only something I consider to be the best song in the series, but it's also something I'd place as high up on Disney's best due to how f**king incredible it is. "Waiting in the Wings" is a powerful ballad that manages to be both tragic yet inspiring on top of how well it sums up Cassandra as a character. The writers may not always be on top of their game when it comes to music, but songs like these prove that they know how to earn that Disney name.

And that’s all I have for the likes...Oh boy. That’s not a good thing is it?

WHAT I DISLIKED

It Peaked at Season One: It did. It really did.

Season One felt like the writers had a grip on what type of show they wanted: A slice-of-life series with Rapunzel dealing with the issues of her kingdom with a meager threat of these black rocks growing in the background. It was all cute and well-balanced for the most part, but that all disappears in Season Two. Because now it's sort of about this adventure, but because Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure set itself as a slice-of-life series, there need to be these small-scale stories that intertwine the grand narrative being told. The issue is that the story comes to a grinding halt one too many times as fans are forced to sit through these filler episodes that, while not all of them are bad, still feel like a distraction. And by Season Three, the series does feel more focused while having some slice-of-life episodes added to the ongoing story instead of distracting us from it. But the writing isn't as strong, there are several plot holes in the narrative (how did Rapunzel's sunstone get into her dress?), and there is way too much time going back and forth on Cassandra's morality. They claim that she's a villain while arguing that there might still be some good in her, and they continue this train of thought for nine episodes when it really could have been settled in two. For me, it's a bad sign for a series when the first season is the best one. Because if it's all downhill from there, what's the point of even watching?

It Tries to be Epic: This might have been the worst decision the writers could have made.

Now, here's the thing: I don't mind grand epic tales of adventure and battles against demons. If anything, I'm all for them...when it's appropriate and fits with the tone of the series.

Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure suffers a similar problem Frozen II has, in which the writers felt like a big, life-threatening adventure was the perfect continuation of a meager, personal story about the relationships of characters. It isn't. If anything, it's completely missing the mark about what the original story was about. And sure, sometimes writers can succeed in telling personal stories through grand adventures. Just look at The Owl House and parts of Amphibia. But with those shows, it's established within the first few episodes that action and peril will be a series staple. With Tangled, while there was some action and peril, it's all very subdued compared to how high the stakes got raised in later episodes in the show. Especially in the series finale.

And, I mean, c'mon. You're making Rapunzel an action hero?

Judy Hopps? Yes.

Moana? Maybe.

Raya? Most definitely.

But Rapunzel? The character who’s all about optimism and seeing the best of others. That's the character you're going to morph into a hero that fights against an evil demon laid dormant for years? Did you even watch the original movie? Yeah, sorry, but I just don't buy it.

If you want to tell an epic story that gets the blood pumping for fans addicted to adventure, go for it! See where the wind takes you. But make sure to set that tone as early as possible while also making sure that it fits with the characters. If not, the end result is a series that feels like it's trying to be something it’s not.

Eugene is Kind of an Idiot at Times: It should be noted that Movie-Eugene and Series-Eugene are practically two different characters. In the film, Eugene was more or less the straight man, as he often questions the wackiness in the world around him and keeping Rapunzel grounded in reality. For the series, most of that personality got transferred to Cassandra. Thus making Eugene's new role in the series act as the egotistical imbecile. Sure, he had those moments in the film, but not as frequently, and it really pains me when the writers really lean hard into a minor aspect of his personality. Sometimes there are moments when Eugene acts like his original self. But it's all small scenes that are spread apart with entire episodes where he has half a brain cell. I'm sure some people didn't mind this change to the character, but as someone who adores the movie version of Eugene, I can't help but feel disappointed.

The Villains are the Worst: Now, I don't mean the one-off villains that show up, cause some chaos for a bit, and disappear at the end of the episode. Those are characters with fun personalities, occasionally cool designs, and do their job as villains of the week. It doesn't matter if their motivations are laughably simple, as their purpose is to be enjoyable characters above anything else. So I actually enjoy those villains...it's the ones that act as season-long antagonists that really grind my gears.

The purpose behind these types of foes is to build up how evil they are throughout the season. The issue is that the writers try to give these characters, or at least two of them, a point. To be fair, this can work. Just look at Killmonger from Black Panther and sometimes Karli Morgenthau from The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. You understand and probably even sympathize with the logic and reasoning these characters have. It's just that their actions couldn't be farther from what you would do. The problem with Varian and Cassandra is that they have the motivation, but it's not written suitably for the story.

Cassandra is a whole can of worms I'll get to in a minute, but Varian is someone I can easily discuss for a brief time. Because while I can comprehend his pain for having his father frozen in yellow rock, I don't think turning evil is the best decision to go with that character. Because A. Everything is his fault. He blames Rapunzel for not helping him, but even if she didn't have a crisis to deal with, there was nothing she could have done to stop it. His frustrations are not only unjustified, but given the fact that this wouldn't have happened if he listened to his father in the first place, it feels like him becoming evil is too drastic of a turn. And B. Varian worked much better as a supporting character rather than a primary antagonist. He was just this hopeful, if not a clumsy scientist who wanted to prove himself, who causes minor catastrophes due to not thinking ahead. Turning a character like Varian into a villain is a bit of a misstep because if the guy acts hilariously incompetent as a good guy, it makes little sense to have him be intelligent and ten steps ahead of Rapunzel when being evil. If he were to become more serious and careful when helping the rest of the main cast, I'd consider that character progression done properly. But becoming a villain is just an overreaction.

However, none of that compares with my issues with the main antagonist of the series: Zhan Tiri. This goes back to my problems with the series making itself too epic. Because if Zhan Tiri existed in any other show, I probably wouldn't have any problem with her. She's built up well throughout all three seasons and is kind of threatening at times. But she doesn't belong in a series based on a movie that dealt with a small, personal issue where it wasn't even the character who killed the villain in the end. It was her love interest and animal sidekick. Even if Zhan Tiri works well as a character, the fact that it doesn't feel like she belongs in the show makes her too distracting to enjoy. And that's why these villains suck. If not poorly written, they don't belong in a series that should focus on small-scale issues. And if you can functionally write an antagonist that appears for only one episode but flounder with ones that show up in several, well, that's just embarrassing.

Cassandra (Season 3): OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH BOY, do I have some words to express with this character. Like with Movie-Eugene and Series-Eugene, Cassandra from Seasons One and Two is frustratingly different from the psychotic IDIOT from Season Three. Basically, just take the issues I have with Varian, multiply them by ten, add them with some bafflingly stupid decisions, and you still wouldn't get how much Season Three-Cassandra frustrates me!

First off, her motivation...what the f**k were the writers thinking? The big reason why Cassandra betrays Rapunzel and motivates all of her misdeeds was that Cassandra's mother was Mother Gothal...EXPLAIN THAT LOGIC TO ME?! Because Cassandra should know what type of woman Mother Gothal was. She should know what Mother Gothal did to Rapunzel in the first eighteen years of her life. So how is Cassandra being abandoned by Gothal the central motivator to cut ties with Rapunzel, who is probably an even bigger victim in this scenario!? Seriously, Rapunzel was cut off from the rest of the world and treated as an unknowing prisoner because she was beneficial to Gothal. Cassandra was adopted into a household with mutual love and got to actually live her life. In no way does it make sense for her to be angry at Rapunzel.

Nor does it make sense that the writers try to play it off as a good thing in the song "Crossing the Line!" Sure, it sounds nice, but thematically, it gives across the opposite feelings that the audience should have. Because if Cassandra cutting ties with Rapunzel is meant to be tragic and awful, why is the music suggesting it's the best possible thing that's ever happened for the character? If you like the song, fine, but even you have to admit that it's thematic nonsense.

But, sure. Cassandra's evil now, and she considers it a good thing. Whatever. I'll take it as long as it leads to good stories...but here's the thing: In the penultimate episode before the three-part series finale, Cassandra asks a question. A question I would have never expected her to ask, despite everything that has happened in the last season. A question that was so baffling, I had to legitimately pause the episode to process the fact that she asked something so stupid. Because Cassandra, the character who is intelligent and grounded in reality, asked, "Am I the bad guy?"

I was honestly shocked to find out she was shocked! How, in the flying, everlasting, cock-a-doodle-doodling F**K does a person like her not pick up that maybe, just maybe, she isn't the hero in this story!? Call me crazy, but endangering the lives of people you once called friends and family, dressing in black, AND HAVING A GIANT EVIL-LOOKING TOWER MADE OUT OF F**KING SPIKES aren't qualities I would give to a hero!

If Cassandra was like Thanos, a character so wrapped up in his ego that he can't even notice how evil he is, I would understand. But she doesn't have an ego. Anger, yes. But for the most part, her personality is based on having logic and reasoning. So turning her into a villain and having her unaware that she's a villain is an act of lunacy that I am incapable of understanding. I don't know who's idea this was, but whoever is to blame...you've got issues.

>Sighs<...This series isn't good, is it?

IN CONCLUSION

I like the animation and some of the characters...but that's not enough. Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure is a mess of a show that tries to do too much for a story that should have so little. Meaning that it's a D+ for me. I want to enjoy it and give it a higher grade, especially with how much I hear people praise this series. And if you do enjoy it, all the power to you. Your opinions are valid, even if I highly disagree with them. Because for me, this is a show that I won't get myself tangled up in again in the future.

#tangled: the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #rapunzel x eugene #tangled cassandra #tangled varian #zhan tiri #what i thought about

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a-queenoffairys · 4 years ago

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Other Code Lyoko media and resources

It’s really great to see people getting into Code Lyoko again now that it’s on Netflix. I decided to make this post with some brief information about some of the other media/sequels people might not know about, plus a few resources I find particularly useful and will answer some of the most common questions people tend to have about the series.

Disclaimer: yes I’m the translator for the site I’m linking to, but I loved this site and its huge variety of resources years before I joined. The site design may be outdated, but its content is still quality.

Other media/sequel series

Comics https://en.codelyoko.fr/bd.cl There was an official French magazine that ran for 3 issues. Each one included 30 pages of comics that take place during the series, which you can find translated scans of here. The illustrator recently gave us the digital versions of these pages and the scans will eventually be replaced with those, but I’m not sure when that will be. The stories are short but sweet and the art is nice, so I think they’re definitely worth a look. You can also find complete scans of the magazines but they haven’t been translated into English.

Code Lyoko Chronicles (novel sequel series) https://en.codelyoko.fr/chronicles A four-book AU series that took place after the series finale. It attempts to explain some of the open-ended questions such as Carthage, Hopper’s backstory and how Lyoko really works, all within a more realistic and detailed setting. If you’re curious about all that stuff and interested in a somewhat darker take on Code Lyoko, I think it’s worth a look. (I call it an AU because they recount the events of the series and change them up a bit to suit the new setting, but in essence it’s the same story, just condensed into a smaller timeframe and with added detail.) It was never published in English but you can find a fan translation here in PDF and ePub format.

Code Lyoko Evolution (live action sequel series) https://www.youtube.com/c/CODELYOKOENGLISHOFFICIAL/videos A 26-episode sequel series that replaced the 2D animated segments with live action. It was filmed in French and dubbed in various languages not including English (they were planning to dub it in English but fans weren’t interested, so). It’s available on the official YouTube channel with adequate English subtitles. It takes place sometime after the original series and also goes into a little bit of Hopper’s backstory. It’s completely unrelated to the Chronicles.

Resources

Episode guide http://www.codelyoko-leguide.fr/en A guide with plot summaries, quotes, images and anecdotes/trivia on each episode. If you use the drop-down option you can also find guides to the series pilot Garage Kids and the comics. (Note: this was my first translation project so the English is kinda bad in places. For more accurate episode quotes, see the scripts/transcripts below.)

Image galleries https://en.codelyoko.fr/accueil_galeries.cl High quality screenshots from every episode. You can filter by episode, character or setting.

Renders https://en.codelyoko.fr/renders.cl A collection of official artwork (renders) with transparent backgrounds in the best available quality. Useful for graphic art.

Episode scripts (French) and transcripts (English) https://en.codelyoko.fr/conceptuels.cl The official French scripts for every episode of the cartoon and Evolution except 91, and fan-made English transcripts for the cartoon. Both of these have text descriptions of the action as well as the dialogue. As of writing this, the English transcripts for Evolution have been completed but aren’t uploaded yet. This page also has various other production documents like the graphic bible, character sheets, concept art and storyboards.

Analysis

LyokoStats https://en.codelyoko.fr/lyokostats/lyokostats.cl The site goes through every episode and uses a points system to analyse each character’s performance on Lyoko. Last I checked the individual episode breakdown was kinda broken, but you can still find the results summary ranking the heroes’ overall performance across all four seasons.

From Scripts to Episodes https://en.codelyoko.fr/scriptsvsepisodes There are always differences between an episode’s script and the final product, and this section lists those differences. You can sort of think of these as deleted scenes. The front page has a summary of the sorts of things you’ll find, plus a top 12 list of changes. The list covers every available script, so every episode of the cartoon except 91, plus Evolution.

French vs English https://en.codelyoko.fr/frenchvsenglish/frenchvsenglish.cl Comparing the original French audio to the English dub. A list of differences similar to From Scripts to Episodes. The front page also summarises what you’ll find and lists some of the most commonly-occurring differences. (To sum it up, there are a lot of small differences but the English dub is overall very accurate to the original and you’re not missing out on anything major by watching it and not the French.)

So yeah, I hope these will be useful. There’s loads of other interesting stuff on the site, so I’d definitely recommend taking a look if you haven’t already!

#code lyoko #code lyoko evolution #//I don't think this'll appear in search because of all the external links (thanks tumblr)#//but oh well

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emersonfreepress · 4 years ago

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okay so is there content that you had planned for the ROs and story in general but then scrapped cause there wasn’t a good place in the story to stick it in? and if so, can you share what it was? 👀 👀 👀

yes, definitely. *rubs hands together* oh man, you done asked THE question today xD I can't wait to get into this 😁

Academics. I almost decided to have classes and grades be a minor part of gameplay, but the more time I spent designing it the more I realized I wanted nothing to do with it 😂 I haven’t really enjoyed academic gameplay in other interactive fiction because I 1) hate having to choose between studying and interacting with awesome characters, 2) have terrible short term memory, and 3) hate school in general!! So instead I just opted to have the MC be really good at school, point blank period so I could focus on social drama and relationships instead! ��

Physical skills. I spent literal months crafting the catering scene around setting up stats for stamina/endurance, dexterity, and strength instead of just magnetism, confidence, and persuasion. They had their own backstories with the MC’s parents being overly invested sports parents instead and I think the background choices were like... martial arts, gymnastics, and track? But yeah, I ended up scrapping it all because I was spending hours on research about those individual sports so I could integrate them into the MC’s narrative organically but like... when I tried to think of what use they would be in the actual story, I came up blank. Best decision yet, esp since it means a lot less coding!

Skin tone customization. For one, I noticed that a lot of my favorite IFs don’t offer that customization and it hasn’t impacted my experience at all. For two, I originally realized I might as well not implement it since I am striving real hard not to introduce any customization that won’t actually be mentioned in interesting or meaningful ways in-story. I don’t think it’s really all that common for real life friends (esp in high school?) to comment or compliment each other’s skin and like... when it comes from someone who doesn’t share a similar complexion or ethnic background, that type of commentary gets... d i c e y. So then I wanted to be sensitive to that but what’s the pay-off? An RO mentioning how they love your skin tone once? Awkward sentences with the MC referring to their own skin color? Idk, just wasn’t vibing with it. I’m open to revisiting it in beta or something but for now it’s scrapped.

Singing, Rapping, and Gaming as Hobbies/Talents. I feel bad about scrapping these, honestly 😂 They’re great and I really wanted to incorporate them but it just came down to already having a lot of stuff to code. Plus, I know I can write the Hobbies/Talents I stuck with far better. And for Book 2 purposes, as well!

Leo. as @sourandflightypeaches asked me about a long while ago, I had to scrap an entire RO 😢 His name is Leo, he was the nephew of wealthy west African diplomats residing in Emerson, and I love him dearly! His backstory was largely based on my mother’s childhood and the circumstances she lived through after immigrating to America. and... ok, i’m about to go on one hell of a tangent so buckle up and bear with me if you can 😅

my intention with this story, aside from writing things that I personally enjoy (graphic violence, spooky woods, social drama, romance, conspiracies 😚), is to explore greed, wealth, and how the ways people and families interact with those two things influence young people and who they grow up to be. here i go sounding pretentious af 😝 and here’s where I apply a cut for those who want to preserve a little mystery to the main characters!

With Gabe, we’ve got someone who grew up with very little stability or financial security but who has found unscrupulous methods to gain status and money, with both noble and selfish motivations.

Kile has some of that childhood experience in common with Gabe, having been in the foster care system since infancy, but they lucked out when they were adopted into massive wealth by a caring, loving couple—a couple that uses their wealth and privilege to be far more lenient and protective of Kile than is actually reasonable or responsible.

Jack comes from a prestigious wealthy family on his dad’s side who he loves dearly but there’s no getting around the fact that they love him back as much as they despise his working class mom.

Jessie is a spoiled sweet heiress (being the baby of her family and the only girl) and while she lives blissfully ignorant of the harmful source and impact of her father's income and career, she bears the weight of the expectation to fulfill very traditional gender roles, including her behavior and appearance, but also extending to her career and life plans.

Rain's wealth led to them growing up sheltered and isolated but also extremely accommodated, giving them maximum freedom and opportunity to discover and develop their personal talents and interests. However, they have almost no positive relationship with their parents who have essentially decided to give up on a kid that couldn't be exactly the accessory they tried to mold them to be—both in terms of their identity and personality.

Rupan/Rohan, at their very core, rejects everything about conformity, self-importance, and excessive luxury—which means they have never, ever truly fit in with their peers. Going full non-conformist, however, has resulted in them becoming alienated from much of their family, as well, despite them all loving each other very much. Their history with false friends and betrayals has led them to over-indulge in their vices and reckless behavior to compensate for that isolation. Sometimes, they just get in over their head and many times, they know better. Every time, it's just that the feeling of finally belonging is utterly intoxicating.

Vivian/Vincent has two extremely successful parents who didn't inherit but instead built up their wealth and they aspire to be just like them, to a degree that is well and truly unhealthy. Their mother specifically is an over-achiever and applies mountainous pressure for them to follow in her footsteps, especially academically. Vi is completely capable of achieving what their mom expects of them, but they were already an extremely sensitive perfectionist so this has made them intensely critical of themself. This is a large part of why they are such a rigid, no-nonsense person and that in turn has made them one of the most disliked people among their peers—which is a huge personal failure to them since their father is a very well-liked and socially successful person in town.

And the Emersons are peak privilege: inherent high social status, brains, looks, charisma, athleticism, and massive wealth. They could never have been anything less than extremely popular, just by virtue of their last name and the nature of the town's social dynamics and politics. And they do enjoy that privilege (esp Curt lol). However, it should go without saying that being so high profile, even (or maybe especially) just in the isolated scope of your hometown, isn't always a boon. Their family's and their own perceived failings are widely discussed and privately mocked and/or celebrated. Real friends are scarce while fake ones and snakes are plentiful. Plus their dad is a gigantic dickhead who sees his kids as extensions of his own status and reputation and not much else. Public shortcomings make for an unbearable time at home and the world outside the estate is at once overly accommodating, full of assumptions, and even subtly hostile at times—all unrelated to their own actions or character.

And with the MC, I think the narrative will make it clear there are several ways that story can go. You start off with irresponsible parents that have lost their wealth due to their own mismanagement and material ambitions—how that affects any individual MC should differ based on choices and consequences!

So why bring any of that up when I was supposed to be talking about my cut OC? 😂😂

Leo was going to be the unwelcome recent addition to his uncle’s household, the son of a brother his aunt hates for (petty af) Reasons, and she took that resentment out on him directly by restricting his access to nearly every aspect of the family's wealth. Especially material goods and living conditions. He was basically treated like the help, tasked with playing nanny for his many younger cousins and burdened with doing the homework and providing academic cover for his dumb as rocks cousin in the same grade as you all. To sum it up, he was basically a victim of trafficking at the hands of his own family with his uncle out of town enough to feign ignorance to how bad his wife was treating his nephew and his aunt going out of her way to keep him busy, at home, and isolated. This is sadly a super common form of trafficking in Francophone African cultures (although I don't think most people view it as trafficking. and I’m sure the same is true of other cultures but I don’t want to speak outside of my purview). And like I mentioned above, it’s how my own mom's (and idek how many cousins') child/teenhood went.

It’s a perspective on modern wealth, privilege and greed that I really, really wanted to tell. I am confident in saying it hasn't been explored in interactive fiction yet (though correct me—and direct me 👀—if I'm wrong) and out of all the wealth/greed explorations I came up with, it's the one I have the closest personal ties to and the strongest feelings about. The characters and plans I had for it were detailed and I'm proud of them but at the end of the day... I just couldn't find a place for Leo in the story at large.

Leo was, in fact, the last main character I came up with, when I had already designed and fleshed out the larger story and started crafting the timeline of major events. I think the worst thing I could have done for a story and perspective that I care about this much is shove it into a plot that didn't have room for it at the very base level, regardless of how well the character or his story is written. Shoe-horned characters always stick out. I didn’t want to disservice Leo by having him be the character that did nothing or could be removed from the main plot without affecting it at all, y’know? That’s so much worse than just forgoing the indulgence, imo :((

ugh.... Leooooo 😭 I'm so sorry bb, I failed youuu 😥

#lovely anon #answered #hotmess #ok I am truly so sorry for going on and on like this #writing #ch design #ty for this question it was really nice to revisit this stuff 😃#and a nice reminder to not look back lol #scrapped

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daredevilexchange · 4 years ago

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What’s your fannish ID? On Tumblr and Pinterest I'm DrewCas68 - boring but descriptive, made up of part of my name an year of birth. Stop laughing, you'll be as old as me one day. I curate bits and bobs that I like on Pinterest on a board called "Aww balls, Daredevil" which was kind of what I said when I realised how far gone I was on the program. On A03 I'm Meretseger68. Meretseger is an ancient Egyptian goddess known as She Who Loves Silence, the deity inhabiting the pyramid shaped rock watching over the Valley of the Kings. (Yeah, I didn't know that it wouldn't be appropriate now but I've had it for a few years and can't give up the name now).

What types of fanworks do you create? I started on A03 with a couple of little JohnLock stories, just as a bit of writing practice / a break from a novel I've been wrestling with for years. I'd been posting the odd drawing on Tumblr just on the offchance of someone liking them. I only became more active as I got drawn into Daredevil and found that Charlie Cox/Matt Murdock/Daredevil was an excellent reference as I wanted to expand my artistic range. I should say, whatever I do I am very slow. If I have four hours of paintbrush to paper it is likely that there will have been another three or four hours worrying about it before, during, or after. I'm hoping to take part in upcoming Daredevil events. This seems to be a friendly fandom, even to someone very new to it, so I hope to make something that you will like. I might even go back to writing (and maybe, finally, get that book finished).

What are your favourite types of fanworks, when you're not creating? I love all kinds of artwork, the creativity out there in fandom is amazing. I don't care whether it's someone in full Old Master mode or the genius who produces a cartoon that just sums things up in a few strokes. I've been binging on some authors on A03 while I find my feet inside the Daredevil tags. Again, there seems to be so much range and potential, something for all moods.

What about your creating process? My creative process is mostly worry and procrastination. Honestly, if I could just sit down and just do I think I would be much happier about it. Instead I can make a cat look focussed and can be distracted by anything. I create in the gaps left between part time work (6pm to midnight), working on my house (first phase nearly finished), sleep, and talking to my cat. And eating. I always forget about that. I've been living on my own for a year now and still not got the hang of that. I've had commissions for portraits of musicians and I tend to do them while listening to their music. This was great for the various David Bowie and Prince paintings that I've done but took a little getting used to when I did a Jimi Hendrix a couple of years ago (kids, ask your parents). As I started Daredevil art to force myself to try different techniques I've tended to let Amazon Music play to itself in the background but find that I have added Matthew and the Atlas to all my mixes recently when I need something calming. I absolutely cannot watch anything while I'm trying to draw/paint/write. I even have to put my phone away because I can't be trusted until I reach that point when everything starts to come together and I forget the outside.

Do you interact a lot with other fans? My experience of Tumblr up to finding Daredevil was mostly just liking and reblogging. Actual interaction has been a new thing for me. No idea if I'm doing it right but I'd like to keep trying.

Is there any particular piece you'd like to showcase for this post? I've had years of being scared of trying watercolour. I'm hoping this isn't a one off, but it makes me think that it might be worth working on technique. https://drewcas68.tumblr.com/post/645478237010591744/the-devil-made-from-blood-and-faith-thanks-to

Is there anything else you want to tell us about yourself? Yes, I am old. No, I have no idea what all the buttons do. I love the idea of trying digital art but I think I'll stick to acoustic for now.

Where can your fanworks be found? A03: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meretseger68 - currently only a few linked JohnLock shorts and an early, unfinished, version of the book that will never get finished. Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/drewcas68 - my artwork pops up between reblogs of smarter people and is tagged #myart Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/DrewCas68/aww-balls-daredevil/

Thank you, @drewcas68 !

banner by @context-is-for-kingpins !

[ID on a white background, four black triangles that look like spotlights from above. Each illuminates one of the Defenders silhouetted in white: Jessica, Luke, Danny, Matt. A hand on the left is holding a pen writing the words Content Creator Spotlight. There is a little Punisher skull on the pen. End ID]

#Daredevil #daredevil art #marvel #matt murdock #content creator spotlight

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keyheartsia-dorm · 4 years ago

Text

*Sighs*

I’m bored let’s do a lore dump

It’s a Map~

Oh Yeah I mentioned a Sprinkle of Final Fantasy and KH but I haven’t talked about that Aspect of my Canon At all have I? Well truth be told it’s cause I’m focusing on getting the more Basic Aspects of my Oc’s Before I get into that but Guess who made this Baby on a Whim!

So this is the Map of the Isle of Light well the Main Island at least there are other Littler Bits of land Yet to surface I̶t̶’̶s̶ ̶t̶o̶t̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶I̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶A̶d̶d̶ ̶o̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶L̶a̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶h̶a̶h̶a̶ oh yeah did I mention it’s a FLOATING ISLAND!! Yeah P Sick right? Okay so I’ll go into the Island’s History and it’s Area’s but it may have some Spoilers I guess you could say but honestly I wouldn’t wait on me making a full fledged...Anything outta the Story I’ve made like I’ll sum it up (not here but like in general) but comics are hard Videos are hard Fics are hard maybe not individually but this is more of a Anime Series then an Anime movie if you feel me without further ado...Stuff

Oh god this was longer then expected

Some General Background

So The Isle of Light was Originally the Black Forest A Place of Freedom and Expression for all who lead lives who Needed to hide Such and Some Such was The Coven of the Black Forest made up of 3 sisters (not biologically also there was a 4th) they all found comfort and love with each other one being the Princess of the Kingdom nearby (The 4th and Littlest one) She had a fiancé who was Mad with a Lust for power and Control over things he Didn’t need power and control over He Treated the Littlest one Cruelly when the other 3 Decided enough was enough when he did...SOMETHING to Part of the Forest so Horrible it turned Dead and Cruel (Subtle Subtle Hint Hint Wink) When all 3 Of them saw the Ruin They went so mad they turned to Darkness and fought him and all his Manmade monstrosities there when the Princess Arrived there was so much Dark energy everywhere it was Bad like Real Bad So with her friends now monsters she Fought them with a heavy heart her heart broke so much she fell afterwards immediately Unintentionally Sending her Kingdom to somewhere nobody knows where she is though...That’s an even bigger question BUT the story would live on as a Weilder of the key blade who slayed 3 evil witches...(Oh yeah did I mention Crowley knows And that’s Why He Let the Girls Attend because he thought they might be the Black Forest Coven Reincarnated And the Prophecy that when they Awakened the “Keys to their Hearts once more” They’d Free The Princess From her Mirror Prison Oh Yeah also the princess DID Die But her Reincarnation Goes inside a Mirror and is trapped there when she turns 17 and Doesn’t leave until she dIES ALSO ITS HIS OLDEST DAUGHTER THIS TIME ALSO YES HE HAS 2 DAUGHTERS...Okay lemme just calm down..Also yeah she thought of the Princess System) but After a Wish got safe haven for all Keyblade Weilders (I have KH Oc’s other then these don’t ask Longer story they live and basically founded Fortana Haven) I guess the Isle of Light Rose from the Shadow Realm to be just that oh yeah also the Isle of light is literally that kingdom if ya didn’t know

Fortana Haven

(Some Love Nikki BGs for Visualization if I’m Wrong about this from being from Love Nikki Correct me pls and if this is your art sorry and I’ll take it down)

Okay this Place Basically a Modern Fairytale Everything is so Rustic~ but they Have Cafe’s and Stuff~ They’re still very much in Development as a City..or town..or whatever Boss of everything Locket Clover (An OG KH OC) Runs Everything Wonderfully she welcomes everything with open arms and If you wanna run a shop or want a Building for a particular Thing or Activity she’s Pretty open to the idea unless it’s Incredibly Dumb But she will make you get The Wood and Supplies and The Bricks and the Brick Stick Sauce or whatever it’s called she might get give you help constructing but dang is she a firm believer in “DIY” but I like how she’s Determined to Have a Good Balance between Industrial and Rural In fact there is a Mall (God knows how it got there) And that’s pretty much all there is for your Juicy Capitalism Fix She Runs “Hope Stir” Workshop according to Her boyfriend Ephmer It was always Called a workshop but for the longest time she did EVERYTHING Subtle Farmwork And Animal Husbandry ACTUAL Workshop things all cause she wanted to help every Weilder she knew out and made sure they had a place for food and such She is a bit of a Moneyholic but when you’ve been doing what she’s been doing I bet you’d be too overall While it doesn’t have much History yet Fortana Haven (4-Tana is how you say it btw) Is truly well a Haven

The Crowned Castle

(More Pics for Visuals I don’t think this is from love Nikki but if this is your artwork same applies I’m not gonna be the guy who Claims just cause it’s on google it belongs to everybody or something even though yeah I did find it on google)

The...Crown of the Isle of Light Before We came to the Isle for the first time Apparently Everyone In Fortana thought it was Haunted! Which..Fair enough Before we Placed the Princess Medals (Okay QUICK SUMMARY OF THIS BIT Okay so in the KH Mobile game there’s Medals and I wanted them to be in my story basically They’re Memories formed into powers when all my Oc’s Met the Princess’s Of Heart They Each got a Medal Representing them and then the Medals Restored the Castle I left out some details but basically that’s it) This Castle is the BOMB There’s Cool Pretty Princess Room’s And a Bedroom JUST FOR SLUMBER PARTIES!! And it’s just a good Place to Vibe and Hang out with your friends (I’m sorry I’m about to Lore Dumb all over this place) The Princess’s Fiancé Made a Crown for her before she could put it on he put some of his Subconscious in it poor Eden When she wanted to get stronger for Malleus (Malleus is her adoptive big brother and she was upset cause she felt she wasn’t good enough ran away to get power and found the crown) It really did almost completely overtake her I shudder thinking about it “Kachow”...Ew (The fiancé said that a lot ok) a lotta bad stuff happened here but as selfish as this may sound I feel like I earned my spot here and I wanna keep sharing it with my friends

The Matteria Deadland

(Also Imagine some Pointy Mountains and some Lite Mech debris)

Man What to say... So Much Happened here as well probably Tragedy I can’t comprehend there is a few good places about this place though Diane likes to Scavange around Here for Interesting Debris Eden doesn’t like the Air around here but she says she finds Interesting Jewels here and Latte says the same thing so there is good to be found here We all come here every so often to try to help..Anything grow but they don’t call this deadland for nothing but still ya can’t give up hope! I wanna grow some beautiful Lillies here one day! Also hey! Also pretty cool name (Matter-RI-a is how you say it btw) All the sadness that happened here it actually did make the land rich in Metal if nothing else there’s even a whole Cavern we found in the mountains...it almost killed us but we found it

Opal Cove

(also these are Gacha Backgrounds)

Is this Place an Actual Cove? Idk

Is this Place super cool and pretty? Yeah

Is this one of my favorite places in this whole Isle? FRICK YEAH

okay I love a lot about this Isle but Opal Cove!!

Our mermaid friend Mitella I guess “Runs” the Place Our KINDA merman Friend Skye also spends a whole lotta time here Basically it’s a Giant Pool and rumor has it...It’s endless Water...CAUSE IT IS SOMEHOW CAUSE I KNOW weird thing is the Sand it’s at the end of the Isle so there’s not really a beach just...Sand Near Water Odd The Coral Near the Bottom or well “Bottom” Is SO PRETTY it’s like Crystals in the morning the light shines its SO DANG PRETTY I’m glad Mitella is a Sea Witch Or else we couldn’t go so deep underwater it’s SOOO worth it!! She does NOT let a lotta people at once though Heck she doesn’t like Skye that much from what I can tell but she makes an Exception for ~friends~ So...BE NICE TO OUR CUTE MITELLA I’m glad we have a Convient Place for Blitzball practice and also Swimming around with pretty Mermaid Tails (New Nix Mermaid Action Fashion Doll only 25.99! Get it for your Child or they’ll cry!! Also a 5 dollar Boy doll take his Shirt off! That’s it!) Hyde Mi And Skye are kinda an Iconic Trio Mi Also Teaches how to swim with a mermaid tail better for the Weilders who wanna go to Atlantica Hey Mermaids gotta eat so get a Swim Lesson! (And also a transforming Mermaid Doll!)

Bianco Nero Forest

Well tbh I have the least to say because it’s Appeal is simple ADVENTURE AND MYSTERY! Lots can happen in Bianco Nero it’s Basically the Base foundation of the whole Isle! Presumably cause it’s the Black Forest or was at least though it can be dangerous it’s the only place heartless are know to appear in the whole isle (So where you’ll grind In the Video Game that’ll definitely happen :Says the girl who can’t commit to a single comic) They drop all sortsa cool stuff! Heck you can FIND Cool stuff just...Around so..Yeah!!

It’s 2 am maybe I’ll edit this later thanks for reading sorry I got obviously tired by the end goodbye my dearests~ (Seriously y’all deserve like a reward for reading this dumpster fire) I was inspired by those maps in those scholastic books like the Rainbow Fairies I think it was called (Anyone remember those?) that had lil maps in the beginning and also the map’s stickers all on PicsArt

#twisted wonderland #disney twst #gacha life #keyheartsia #oc #gacha club #twisted wonderland dorm #twisted wonderland oc #twisted wonderland oc dorm #anime #oc lore #kingdom hearts Oc #oh my god did you read this? thank you I worked so hard just read it pls #twst oc #twst oc dorm #Oc lore dump

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psrj · 5 years ago

Note

you've probably already gotten some questions about this, but can I inquire as to your drawing process? i recently discovered that i may have been working against my own thought process in drawing and that it was hurting my ability to create, and your own work seems somewhat similar to the way i naturally go about making things, so i was curious. thank you for your time!

alright *cracks knuckles* lets give this a go

My process changes pretty much every 2 milliseconds so im just gonna try to sum it up as of right now (and i doubt it will be helpful but dammit i am gonna try)

I work from some really ugly sketches, especially now that im trying to get the hang of composition. More than anything, I think I just try to find some potentially interesting shapes from the very start, because there’s no way for me to spend actual time on a thing without it. I latch onto well-defined areas of light and dark like my life depends on it.

Here’s some of my recent sketches and thumbnails just to really drive home the point that I just don’t give a shit

Lineart is my mortal enemy (surprise), and so I take any kind of lines I put down more as a friendly suggestion than anything else. Sketching is really just a mapping tool to slap color on top of.

In the rare cases I do refine a sketch, it is only to better figure out what it is im doing. Then I promptly proceed to ignore it, and go straight to filling in a silhouette that feels good with my most recent love: the polygon lasso tool in photoshop. Then I lock that baby down and uhhh improvise

Here’s (hopefully) a slightly more helpful example of my background study process:

It hopskips over the parts where I try to figure out shapes (because I tend to work on a single layer im sorry making process gifs of finished pieces is hard), but regarding my process in terms of planning out composition, light and color, it is pretty representative.

I start with the chicken scratch thumbnail, map out the major values and refine them into some interesting shapes. Then I go over with lines to figure out the 3-dimensional space, complete with some gosh dang perspective lines. I get some base colors going, and then I just go wild overpainting that using square and triangular brushes, and the polygon lasso tool.

The most important realisation for me the last year was that I don’t actually have to render stuff. The goal of my final overpainting is to reduce everything into seperate, well defined parts, because that is what fascinates me the most with visual art: abstraction and stylisation of light.

So yeah, I hope this was at least a little bit what you were looking for. If you’re stuck, go embrace what is most enticing to you in your actual art process technically speaking. It has completely changed the way I approach mine.

Here’s some bonus gifs bc why not:

#long post #just as incoherent as usual #feel free to hmu with anything guys im really just improvising here #and yes i am still planning on making a speedpaint /at some point/#ask #advice #process

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bigskydreaming · 4 years ago

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Apropos of nothing other than fuyunoakegata making me think of it with that last post, I’ve gotten enough new followers lately that its worth a refresher slash introduction on one of my personal pet themes: that of the word ‘broken’ in regards to trauma/abuse/rape victims and survivors.

Again, nothing to do with them for using the word, but rather just an awareness of the many ways the word is used in those contexts in our society, and my personal opinion that a lot of those ways are very limited and could use some expansion beyond how we typically see these things talked about.

So the below excerpt is just one I think sums up my take on it all pretty well, and as such is a cornerstone viewpoint for a lot of the stuff I regularly express and/or circle back to, as well as being the scene I think I’ve probably gotten the most feedback/reactions to over the years out of pretty much anything I’ve written. Its YJ-verse, Dick and Dinah, utilizing the Tarantula storyline and the not-at-all-uncommon baby-in-the-aftermath trope, but stands fairly well on its own and doesn’t require any context or give any spoilers beyond that.

****

In the end, it was Dick who finally broke the newly fallen quiet.

"Does Batman know yet?"

Batman, not Bruce. Dinah shook her head. They're one and the same, she wanted to remind him, wanted to shake him, wanted to scream in Bruce's face every time she'd watch him insist on the distinction over the past ten years.

"He's waiting back at Mt. Justice," she said. "But no, he doesn't know yet. He knows something is wrong, but I convinced him to let me come alone and speak with you first."

Dick snorted. "At least he actually listens to you."

"I think this makes the third time in the fifteen years I've known him," Dinah said wryly. "Don't go thinking I'm special. He only listened because I convinced him barreling in here would only make things worse. And the last thing your father has ever wanted to do is make things worse for you. He manages it sometimes anyway, but it's never his intent."

Not that intent matters, or is any kind of excuse for the harm or damage one actually causes, Dinah reflected. And normally it wasn't a line of thinking she'd ever open a door to at all, but with the past two years worth of tension between Dick and his father still a major source of the young man's turmoil, she figured it was worth it to see if Dick would seize the opportunity to defend Bruce. Lord knows Dick could hold a grudge against his father like no one's business, but anyone else trying it in his presence was usually a nonstarter.

To her disappointment - but not her surprise - Dick ignored the bait and instead just grunted. He stared at the floor, face alternately pale and purple under the neon glow that washed through the window via a strip club's signage across the street.

"I wouldn't have broken, you know," Dick said, never looking up. His lips twisted beneath the words, as if they tasted like something sour. "If he came too. I didn't...I don't want him here, not now, or yet, I mean. But it's not like. It wouldn't have broken me or whatever you're thinking. That's all I mean."

"I didn't say that it would, Dick," Dinah said carefully. But not so carefully as to lay credence to the idea she thought he was fragile. Not an easy line to traverse. Where's a tightrope walker when you need one? Oh, right. Crumpled up on the floor of his unlit apartment, afraid to even look at his own baby. Things were off to a promising start. "It's not either or. You're not broken just because you're not alright and you're not alright just because you're not broken. There's room for space in between."

She sighed and cast around the cramped apartment, dragging a chair from the kitchen table to settle down in front of him. The room was such a far cry from the opulence of Wayne Manor. She knew Dick had never been one to buy into the trappings of his father's wealthy lifestyle. She and Ollie frequently attended the same functions as the Waynes, and she'd smothered many a giggle at Dick and Jason's antics as the two reveled in shocking the Gotham elite with loud and pointed reminders of their impoverished 'low class' backgrounds. Still, looking around, she couldn't help but wondering how much of Dick's apartment and its placement was purely a result of not caring about things like wealth and status, and how much of it was a deliberate rejection of those things, of Bruce? Did it even matter? Or was she just stalling?

"You know, I've never really liked when people use that word," she mused. The baby in her arms stirred restlessly, his nose wrinkling. God. As a general rule, she preferred waiting until children were teenagers before interacting with them. She wasn't big on babies, usually - most people who cooed over their shrunken little faces and called them the most beautiful things they'd ever seen were just lying, in her opinion. But this one was a charmer. Or maybe he wasn't, and she was just already hopelessly attached because Reasons. Crap. Of all the times for a maternal bone to materialize.

"Broken. What does that even mean, really? It's just a description of a physical state, but people often use it like a judgment. As though it describes what someone is, instead of simply what state they're in at a particular moment. You can break something and then put it back together so you can never tell the difference, so what does it mean that it was broken? Why does it matter?"

Dick shifted for the first time since she'd entered the apartment. She might not be Batman caliber, but her own reflexes were nothing to sneeze at. Still, the suddenness of his movements were unexpected enough to catch her offguard as he reached over to the side and snatched up one of the escrima sticks he carried as part of his Nightwing ensemble. A slim but sturdy shaft of polished black wood about a foot long in length, it made a hell of a crack when he held it in both hands and brought it down over one knee, hard and fast enough to snap it in two. He tossed the two broken pieces onto the hardwood floor. One rolled over to rest against her foot.

"Can't fix that with crazy glue."

Dinah smoothed her features into careful non-reaction as she bent and reached down to pick up the broken stick, still cradling the infant in one arm as she rolled the shattered weapon in her other palm.

"No, I suppose not. But I bet you I could find a hundred other uses for this piece right here. Plenty of other things you could do with it, or things you could build with it. Use it as the foundation to make something else entirely, or even just carve it, turn it into a work of art, something beautiful. And whatever you end up with, could you describe it as broken? Yes, it wouldn't be your escrima stick anymore, doesn't do the same thing, have the same purpose, maybe what it was is broken. But what it is? What you make of it? Would that be broken?"

Dick jutted his jaw out, mulish, stubborn. A mirror of the expression she'd last glimpsed under Batman's cowl, not even an hour ago. They couldn't be more alike if they were blood. "I know what you're doing," he said.

"What's that?"

"Exactly what I should have known you'd do before I told Artemis she could send Wally to get you. Knew it was a mistake the second he left. I don't need a shrink right now, Canary."

She shrugged. "Good, because I'm done trying to be your therapist. I realized what a waste it was, on my way over here. I never caught a whiff of this brewing under your surface this past year, so obviously our sessions have just been a waste of both our time. I forgot that arrogant smart people make the worst patients."

That was enough to jolt a noticeable reaction out of him. Finally. It was a calculated gamble, one she already regretted as a swift flicker of hurt winged across his face, half-glimpsed and vanished as quickly as it came. It was a little harder for him to banish his gaping mouth. "Yeah, not your usual session starter," he agreed, in only the barest facsimile of his usual clever humor. But it was a start. "So I'm arrogant, now?"

"You always have been," Dinah said gently, trying to soften the blow of her harsh words. She quirked her lips in a half smile. "Just like your father. Difference is, you actually bother with social interaction and you're charming, so you can get away with it where he can't. And Dick...I'm not saying it as an insult. Or that it's a bad thing. I think you and Bruce are arrogant in certain ways, yes. I think you have to be. To do what you both do."

"You're both human, no superpowers, no magic, not even advanced technology giving you an edge. And yet you not only hold your own amidst heroes who have all those advantages and more, you take charge. You lead. You inspire. Mere confidence isn't enough to allow you to do that. You need something that goes beyond that, something that can only be called arrogance, because it's such a bone deep certainty that you can do all the things you profess you can do, that you are the right people to fight the battles you fight, that it's above questioning. There are a million and one reasons you both shouldn't be able to do the things you both do, and if there was even a second you doubted that you could, you probably wouldn't be able to. When you leap off ten story buildings with just a grapple line and your acrobatics to bring you safely to the ground, it's because you believe, no, you know, that you can defy gravity. Even though for seven billion other humans, gravity can't be defied. Dick, I'm an Olympic level gymnast. You don't see me leaping off ten story buildings if I can help it because I know I'm good, yes, but that doesn't mean I know in a battle of me vs gravity, I'm always going to win. You do. You know that. You believe that. And that is arrogance, yes. But it also happens to be justified, in your case."

He mulled that over, not looking thrilled, but at least looking engaged now, and she breathed a bit easier. Good. Engaged she could work with. It was a start. "Okay. Fine. So what about that makes me a terrible patient?"

"I never said terrible," she protested lightly. "I said the worst."

He glared.

She relented. "It's like Superman's invulnerability. Most of the time, that's exactly what he needs to keep him safe. It's all he needs. But in some specific, rare instances, even if it's only 1% of the time, the very thing that makes him so hard to hurt, makes him hard to help. All it takes is that one bullet that can pierce his skin, either because it's Kryptonite, or it's enchanted, or something else....and suddenly, that same invulnerability that keeps him safe 99% of the time is the very thing making it so hard to operate on him, to cut into him and dig out the one bullet that made it past his defenses. Dick, answer me this. What's the first thing you do when you're confronted with a problem?"

"I assess the situation and determine a course of action, I guess," he frowned. "Why?"

"Because when the problem is you, when it's something that's happened to you or something involving your behavior, the kinds of things that a therapist is meant to help you with, you do exactly that. You assess the situation, you assess yourself, your own behavior, and you come to a conclusion. Which means by the time you ever arrive at my doorstep for a session, you've already diagnosed yourself. You've made up your mind. That arrogance that gives you the strength, the certainty, the conviction you need to tackle every other obstacle you face without hesitation, it has you equally convinced that the conclusion you've already drawn about what's wrong with you or your behavior, it must be true. That you've got it already figured out. And so instead of our sessions being about me helping to guide you to a conclusion or helping you find the inconsistencies in your own logic or reasoning - that's not what you're actually there for. Because you're sure you already have the answer, and so instead of looking for it, you're really just looking for it to be validated."

She gave him a moment to absorb that, drawing a breath before continuing.

"And here's where you being so damn smart becomes a problem - because you're brilliant, Dick, just like Bruce is, you know how to read people, you know how to manipulate people, you can do it without even having to think about it. And so instead of telling me what you need to say, you tell me what you think I want to hear. And we get further and further away from actually helping you as you steer our sessions towards the conclusions you've made because of what's bothering you....instead of towards the conclusions you'd draw if you were ready to face it."

Dick leaped to his feet, face flushed in the moonlight. He stepped forward, aborted that when it drew him closer to her and the baby, features twisting in a heart-wrenching moment of agony for the briefest instant before he stepped away again. Carefully breathing in, making a visible effort to drop his voice despite his obvious agitation. Good. Awareness of his surroundings. Thinking beyond the moment to consequences of each action. Engaging more and more with his surroundings. She'd piss him off to Hell and back if that's what it took. Be angry, Dick. Rage. Scream. Yell. Hurt.

"So what?" He asked with a sharp, acidic laugh. He paced, arms buried in his armpits, hunched over, eyes on his boots as he wandered in circles. Pent up, restless energy. All the frenetic motion of Robin, of Nightwing, of a bird made for flying yet still stuck on the ground.

"You think I don't know what's bothering me? You think...I freak out a little and Wally runs to you and tells you something and you come back and find me all freaked out on the floor and you've got it all figured out from there, from just that, but you think I can't figure it out on my own? I'm brilliant, you said, but you think I'm all messed up because I can't face it, I can't see it even when its right in front of me?"

"That's not what I'm saying Dick," Dinah tried, but he just laughed again. Jabbed a hand towards the baby in her arms, took it back halfway.

"I know what happened, Canary," he bit out. "I was there. I don't need you to hold my hand and walk me through it so I can face it. Yeah, okay, I get it. I was raped. Tarantula raped me. I can say it. I'm not - I'm not in denial. I've been doing this since I was ten, I'm not...I know the statistics, I know it's not any different just because I'm a guy. I get that men can get raped, that they can be raped by women, that there's no other word for what happened to me. That it wasn't my fault, that I was in shock, that I can't be blamed for her taking advantage of me in that state. I know all that okay? It's not a fucking revelation to me, I don't need anyone's help to fucking face that!"

"Then what's the problem, Dick?" Dinah asked softly when he ran out of steam, or breath or both. His hair was wild in disarray, his stance a contradiction of defensiveness and a pending attack. His chest heaved like a bellows even though he'd yet to raise his voice past a low-pitched hiss. "If you know all that already, where's the problem? What are you having trouble with here? What reason does someone who's already faced all that have for hiding it from his friends and family for a year?"

"There's no problem, that's my whole point," Dick insisted, throwing his arms wide. "Fine, I freaked out for a minute because I just found out my rapist had my fucking baby, and I thought it was over and done with but....jesus. I'm not...it's not because I can't deal with what happened. God, nothing even happened! It was barely anything. I barely even remember it I was so out of it, and then it was over. She didn't hurt me, its not like it was painful or I was drugged or it left me damaged or something, okay? I told you, I've been doing this for ten years. I've SEEN victims okay, real victims, women and even men who are so fucking traumatized by what some sicko did to them they can barely get out of bed in the morning. I've seen victims left beaten and bloody by their attackers, who've...it was nothing like that, okay?"

Dinah nodded. "And that. That right there. That's exactly what I'm talking about."

Dick blinked and rocked back on his heels. Blindsided by her calm and her seeming non sequitur. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you misdiagnosed," she said with a helpless shrug. "You've been so busy reacting to what you thought was your problem, what you were convinced must be bothering you - whether or not you were able to admit that you were raped, that you could be raped even though you're a man, let alone an accomplished fighter able to protect himself - that you left yourself wide open to something else entirely. Tell me. What do you know about Impostor Syndrome?"

"It's a term sometimes used to describe over-achievers who have trouble internalizing their accomplishments. Perfectionists who think they're frauds because they don't know how to take credit for their own achievements and say its because of luck or timing or something other people did," Dick frowned, puzzling through both the question and the aim of it. He raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't sound like something that applies to someone as arrogant as me."

"Don't be a little shit, Dick," Dinah said with small smirk. "And you're right, I don't think any of that applies to you. However, it's also used in another capacity, to describe trauma survivors who are unable to internalize their own trauma. Who deflect from it, or mitigate it, treat it as less than it is on the basis that it wasn't as bad as what's happened to someone else. It's especially common in trauma survivors who are noted for being especially empathetic or who have caregiver personality types. People who are so used to self-identifying as someone whose role or purpose is in helping others, that they find themselves unable to identify as traumatized because it might shift the focus to themselves instead of people they feel need it more. Does that behavior sound a little more familiar?"

Dick hesitated, eyes on the floor and darting every which way as though looking for escape from a trap.

"It should," she pressed on. "Considering you've been doing that for a long time, much longer than just this past year. Pretty much as long as I've known you, in fact."

"What are you talking about?"

"What do you do whenever someone brings up your parents or their deaths?" Dinah asked softly. He flinched. Ducked his head to the side. Jaw tightened again. "You say it was a long time ago. Or that at least you have Bruce now. Or that you wish other orphaned kids could be as lucky as you ended up. Always shying away from the idea that you might need sympathy or comfort because of what happened to your parents and pointing instead to everyone else who needs it more. And it only got worse when Bruce adopted Jason."

"Don't -" Dick warned. His head snapped back up, fire in his eyes, but she refused to be deterred. Not when she finally had his full attention.

"You never allowed anyone to dwell on any of your myriad traumas once Jason came along. Not just your parents, but what happened with Two-Face, the first time you faced the Joker, nothing. You'd always deflect, always shift things back around to Jason. And what a hard life he'd had. So much harder than you, you insisted. At least your parents loved you. At least they didn't abuse you like Jason's father abused him, or were a drug addict like his mother was. Someone mentioned the time you spent in a juvenile detention center as an eight year old, all because some racist bitch of a social worker didn't like that you were Romani, and your response was that at least you didn't have to live on the streets like Jason did before he met Bruce."

"This has nothing to do with Jason!" Dick ground out, heated.

"It's not about Jason, Dick. It's about you. Because your brother had a hard life, yes. It's true. He suffered terrible traumas before Bruce found him and adopted him. And not a single one of those things are made less true, or invalidated or in any way threatened just because terrible things happened to you too. So why do you insist your pain was less than his? That yours didn't matter just because his existed?"

"It's not the same thing," Dick insisted stubbornly. "You can't compare what happened to my parents to the twelve years of shit Jason had to live through."

"I'm not though, Dick. You are. You're the only one saying one must be worse than the other. All I'm saying is both existed."

She sighed. "Trauma isn't a scale to be measured on. It doesn't require a minimum threshold, and it doesn't have a ranking order. It's not about how much harm was caused or how much damage someone did, because at the end of the day, trauma is transformation."

"What do you mean?"

Dinah held up his broken escrima stick, still cradled in her hand. "Trauma is force that causes change. It's not about the act of damaging. It's about what's left behind once the damage is done. I could break this stick into two pieces. It would take a certain amount of force, a certain amount of damage. And once that was done, we'd be left with two pieces here instead of this one. But then give me another stick the same size, same dimensions, only this one is made of metal. I could break that in two as well. But it would require a whole different kind of force, a whole different order of damage. But in the end, once it was done, we'd still be left with two pieces of that too, instead of the one we started with."

"Two different sticks,” Dinah continued. “Two different traumas. Two different applications of force. And the only thing in common is in the end....both sticks would be transformed. Neither would be what they were originally. Not less. Not more. But different. Changed by the trauma they endured. You want to quantify that trauma? You probably could. It'd be arbitrary, but you could do it. You could calculate the force used, define parameters for the damage it caused. But what would that mean? What's the outcome? What happens because you decided one trauma was greater than the other? How does that alter the fact, the reality, that in the end, the survivors of those two different traumas are changed? Something different from what they started as?"

"But it is different," Dick insisted. He looked confused though, rather than forceful. "Context matters. The situations matter."

"Yes, they do," Dinah agreed. "But it's a question of focus, not degree. Which trauma was worse only really matters when you're focused on the trauma. When you're looking at what the trauma leaves behind though? When you focus on the survivors? All that really matters is...how are they different? How were they changed?"

"Dick, you only started getting angry and frustrated when you compared what you went through to what other rape victims you've seen over the years have gone through. What they went through is terrible, yes. It doesn't mean what happened to you wasn't terrible as well. You said you weren't hurt, it wasn't painful, she didn't damage you physically. That doesn't matter though. Because rape isn't about any of those things. It's not about pain, it's not about how much it hurt. Rape is about theft."

He flinched at that, taking a step back.

"Rape is theft,” Dinah pressed forward. “It's betrayal. It's someone taking something they have no right to, something precious, something that can't be taken back. It's taking away someone's right to choose who they share their body with, its using someone's body against them, against their wishes. That's what Tarantula did to you. Whether it hurt or not, whether you remember it fuzzily or in full detail...she took something from you, something you can't get back, and in doing so, she changed you forever."

He shook his head, eyes back on the ground. Denial but not denial. Acceptance but not acceptance. She forged on.

"And the thing is, you're right. You haven't been in denial about what happened. You know that she raped you, that that's what it is. What you haven't faced though is that it's not about how much that hurt you. It's about how much it changed you. Because you're different now, aren't you? And you're smart enough that you figured that out as soon as it happened, that you're not the same anymore, because I'm willing to bet everything looks different to you now. Because you lost something you didn't even know you could lose until it was gone. A sense of security you took for granted, that something like this could never happen to you, except now you know that it can, and it did. We're all made up of our experiences and your experiences now include something they didn't before, something big, something that left a sizable impact, and the be all and end of it all is that you've changed, and you know that....and you keep looking for an answer as to why. Why is everything so different now? Why are you so different?”

She sighed softly.

“And the problem is the only answer you have for that, you decided wasn't good enough for you. Because it wasn't as bad as it could have been. As bad as what happened to other people. And so you've trapped yourself because you know something's different but the thing that caused it, the thing that changed you....it wasn't big enough to explain this change, you decided. You didn't suffer enough, it didn't hurt enough, and so it's not a good enough reason for you to not be who you used to be. And so you keep finding the flaw in yourself, deciding that it must be that you're weak, that everything unsettling you, upsetting you, it's not because what Tarantula did warrants those changes, it's because you can't cut it. That's what you've been telling yourself, haven't you? You're not a survivor, because you don't think there was anything for you to survive. You're not traumatized because the trauma doesn't count. You didn't suffer enough, so that can't excuse all the turmoil you feel."

Dick paced restlessly, all that frenetic energy he always carried with him ratcheted up in intensity until Dinah was half convinced he was going to shake himself to pieces if he didn't find an outlet soon. Unfortunately, she wasn't quite ready to stop.

"All those other victims you described seeing over the years. When you helped them, did you tell them you were sorry for what they went through?"

Dick paused and raised haggard eyes. "Of course I did. Why?"

"Why did you?" Dinah asked, arching a brow. "You didn't do anything to them. You weren't apologizing for something you caused. So what did it mean, to tell them you were sorry?"

"I don't know. It's just...it's what you do. It's a comfort."

"Why though? What about it makes it a comfort?"

"I don't know, it just is. It lets them know somebody cares, I guess," Dick raged. "What are you getting at? You have all the answers, you tell me!"

"Think it through, Dick," Dinah said, firm. "They don't know you. You're a stranger to them. What does it mean for a stranger to tell a victim they're sorry, that they care. What does it matter? What does it do for them?"

Dick stared at her. His face wide and open and searching as he hunted for answers in the shadows of his room, of his own mind. He looked like he'd run a marathon, his body limp and exhausted seeming, like he was only remaining upright by the barest of threads.

"When I tell someone I'm sorry for what happened to them. I don't know. It tells them I see them, I guess," he said hesitantly. She nodded, encouraging him to go on. "That I see what they've been through. That I'm sorry they went through it."

He focused his eyes on hers, with a little more clarity this time. "I tell them...they survived, I guess. That what happened to them...it didn't just happen, it wasn't supposed to happen. But it did. It mattered. What happened to them mattered."

"Yes," Dinah agreed softly. "And every victim you've ever helped, as Robin or as Nightwing, every survivor you've told 'I'm sorry this happened to you' - every time one of them looks in the mirror and recognizes that they aren't the person they were before it happened, that they've changed...they can hold on to that memory of you saying you're sorry. And they know. It happened. It mattered. It is the reason they're different. It is the reason they changed."

Dinah hesitated, and then she said: "I'm sorry it happened to you, Dick. I'm sorry it changed you. I'm sorry that you can't go back to the way things were. I can't tell you it will get better with time. You aren't injured. This isn't a wound that will scar over if you just leave it alone long enough. You can't heal a transformation. But you can decide what you change into. You can decide who you become, even if its not what you were. It'll still be you. A whole you. A complete you. Just a different you. Just like you became someone different after your parents died. I never knew you before that changed you. But that didn't make the you I met any less worth knowing."

He sobbed. Just once, like it was ripped out of him. A tangled, tormented wreck of a sound, his face contorted in a rictus of misery beneath eyes that glistened with a watery sheen, reflecting the wan illumination. It was all he allowed himself, before he found his usual iron control and slammed the gates shut, expression going blank, but it was enough. It was a beginning.

#rape tw

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doyouever-daydream · 5 years ago

Text

I’m every woman.

A/N So today is the International Women’s Day and I felt inspired to write something, I tried to incorporate as many women that appeared on Criminal Minds but failed to include them all. I’m going to start writing reader insert imagines for my CM Bingo prompts so SSA y/n y/l makes her first appearance here.

Today I’ll be attending my first Women’s March so that obvioulsy inspired this imagine, if any of you are going to the Women’s March please be safe and thank you for taking the streets and suppporting the cause (the current situation in my country is pretty fucked up so this year is even more important to me to try and do anything I can so women can have the same rights as any human being)

English is not my first language and although I love writing and spent most of my teenage years writing fanfiction, everything I wrote was in Spanish so it took me years to finally decide to post my writing in another language, I’m still super insecure but I want to share it so, apologies for any mistakes (also it is currently 3:00 AM so I am practically writing with my eyes closed), I believe it is important for women to speak up and take actions so they can be heard and there are equal rights so that’s how this imagine was inspired. Also these female characters have inspired me as a woman so I hope you can enjoy this!

Warnings: I mean I don’t think this qualifies as warning but talks of feminism

Word count: 2201

“I’m every woman, it’s all in me, anything you want done baby, I’ll do it naturally.”

It was a Saturday night and Chaka Khan’s song played in the background at Penelope’s and Luke’s apartment, it was a special girl’s night, all of them, even Kristy was there while Matt and Luke baby sat the kids.

“Wine and sign making? This is my kind of girl’s night!” Garcia was ecstatic that all of them were going to the Women’s March.

“I know! Although I’m not sure I’m creative enough to do this” JJ stared at her blank poster.

“Come on, JJ, you can do this! Put feminist AF” Emily was already a little tipsy and was clueless as to what her sign would say but she was excited.

“Actually yeah, I think something like that will be fine, what about you, Tara?” JJ looked at Tara who looked as if she was struggling to decide.

“I don’t know, there’s so much I would like to say but unfortunately I can’t write an entire sermon”

“Same, girl, I’m so torn up, not only about what to write but how to decorate, Garcia here has like a million of art supplies we could use, I’m about to turn up a 9 year old and put glitter on all of your signs.” y/n grabbed one of Garcia’s boxes an eyed the glitter selection her dear friend pulled out.

“YES! Glitter and colors and stickers and ugh, I love you y/n, let’s throw biodegradable glitter as a protest!” Penelope hugged y/n while the rest of the gang decided what to put.

“I’ll need your help with Chloe’s and Lily’s signs! So Penelope and y/n, unleash all of your creativity on her signs” y/n smirked.

“I already know what I’ll write for one of them, tell me what you think, girls just wanna have fun” She paused “…damental human rights”

“I HATE YOU, you should’ve told me to put that” JJ teased.

“I’ll be honest and say that I saw it on instagram but thought it would be cute to put it on one of the girl’s sign.” y/n confessed while she started drawing on her poster.

“She’s drawing already, man, I wish I was as artsy as you are” Tara tried to see what she was drawing but couldn’t make a figure just yet.

“Oh, oh, OH, I got it, y/n will not be the only one using music” JJ started writing on her poster “Check this out” She lifted up her poster that read ‘ok, ladies, now let’s get in formation’.

“I still think you should add my idea” Emily laid comfortably in Penelope’s couch while seeing her friends work on her signs and siping on her glass of wine. “We should’ve brought donuts”

“Oh, I can call someone to pick up some” Penelope already had her phone and was, apparently, sending a text.

“Who else is coming? I thought it was only us?” y/n asked while she kept drawing.

“I invited an old friend but she only just told me she could make it” Now everyone was eyeing Garcia while she smiled proudly.

“Who? Linda Barnes?” Emily’s sarcasm had everyone laughing.

“Nope, but it’s a surprise, let’s continue please.”

“You know what? I already know what I’m gonna put on mine, back when I worked in San Francisco, I had this really annoying co worker, whose name I can’t remember but he was a pain in the ass that constantly went around joking with everyone in the office about how I had the biggest case of resting bitch face, not only did I have to endure that but also his misogynistic jokes” When Tara finished writing on her poster she showed it to her friends.

Resisting

Bitch

Face.

“I’m gonna decorate the shit out of it now” She proceeded to grab cut outs from magazines that Garcia had.

“I love it Tara, and I love being here with you, thanks for counting me in Penelope” Kristy was happy to hang out with these women that she considered her friends.

“Nonsense, you’re part of the girl power gang, we’re family, now, what do you think about my progress?” Everyone turned to see Garcia’s sign, it read: destroy the patriarchy, not the planet.

“Penelope Grace Garcia, you are perfect” y/n stated and everyone agreed with her.

“It’s totally you.”

“Ah, see? Baby girl is a great feminist and ambientalist” Penelope smiled proudly while she painted flowers.

“You know? I’m inspired, I’m gonna start working on that sign, that is until the donuts arrive” Emily sat straight while she put the glass on Garcia’s coffee table and then went to get her poster.

“I finished mine” Kristy said proudly while she held her sign up: ‘women belong in all places where decisions are being made’

“You are a genius, woman” JJ was in awe of all her friends.

“I love it, Kristy” y/n finally speaked up after being very focused designing her sign “I know I’ve told you this many times but growing up I was a tomboy, I loved playing in the dirt, climbing trees, playing I was a spy, I had bunch of guy friends, I loved, I still love baseball with my life, and other sports, I truly believe ‘all clothes are unisex if you stop being a little bitch about it’ and because of that I’ve had to put up with a million comments about how ‘weird’ I am because despite all of that I also like wearing makeup and other ‘feminine stuff’, I grew up being an ‘enigma’ to some people because I like boy stuff and girls stuff and I always hated when they told me bullshit like that, I always refused to accept there were stuff for girls and boys, now after giving you this lecture as if I was presenting my dissertation, look at my sign”

I eat gender norms for breakfast

y/n accompanied the quote with a drawing of a cereal box adorned with blue and pink glitter.

“SLAY” Emily cheered. “I feel you, y/n, I grew up speaking my mind and sometimes that wasn’t well received because I wasn’t a man, it drove me insane, it still does, as much as the brass wants to believe they are ok with having women in charge, they’re not completely convinced, you know?”

“You are a total boss bitch, and we love you” Tara commented while she raised her glass.

“Yes, Emily Prentiss, one day you’ll be THE boss bitch of the FBI, I know it” y/n added as the doorbell rang.

“Ooh, my surprise for you is here” Penelope hurried to the door and when she opened it she shrieked in delight when she saw Alex Blake standing there.

“Hello ladies” She entered the apartment and went to say hi to everyone, introducing Kristy to their former teammate, since she was the only one that did not know her, Prentiss had met her before and y/n was also familiar with her as they’ve worked together when y/n worked for the Crisis Negotiation Unit.

“It’s so nice to see you, Alex, how you’ve been?” JJ asked while offering her a glass of wine.

“Great, I am back teaching at Georgetown, James is also teaching there and we’re very happy to be back from Massachusetts”

After catching up with Alex’s life and the rest of them trying to sum up everything the BAU had been through during her absence time flew by quickly.

“I can’t believe you didn’t joined the BAU when I was there, it would’ve been incredible to work with you Tara, you as well, y/n” She smiled fondly at the two women she had known for the longest time out of the rest.

“It’s known to everyone that has worked with me that I learned so much from the both of you, I can’t believe that now you are my friends and here we are, making signs for the Women’s March”

“Hearing you talk about working together at the BAU almost makes me want to join you, girls” Kristy joked “If only the cases you worked weren’t so dark” They all laughed.

“There have been incredible ladies in that unit” y/n admired the women that had been before.

“I remember when Elle Greenaway joined the BAU boys club and I wasn’t so lonely during our cases anymore”

“I miss Elle so much” Garcia sighed while she reminisced on her friend that grew apart from them.

“I never got to work with her during her time in the Bureau but I heard she was a badass” y/n said wondering what had happened to her.

“She was” JJ added.

“Talking about awesome BAU ladies, the other day I saw Jordan, remember her?” Emily looked at Penelope and JJ.

“No way! I haven’t seen her since she came to our rescue when I was on maternity leave”

“I’ve seen her a couple times, she’s worked her way up, I think she’s also unit chief but I can’t remember which unit, she also has an adorable son, once we bumped into each other and showed me some pictures”

“Ashley Seaver also worked briefly with the BAU, didn’t she?” y/n asked.

“Oh yeah, Seaver! She was nice” Emily said.

“Reid had a crush on her” And as soon as those words came out of Penelope’s mouth she regretted them, she didn’t want to make y/n uncomfortable, not that y/n and Reid were anything but Garcia knew they were pining for each other but were too stubborn to act on their feelings.

“I know her, we’re not friends friends but I like her very much, we have some mutual friends, she’s married now, still working for the FBI at a field office” y/n said making a mental note to call her soon.

“Isn’t it amazing knowing how many women are kicking ass in their jobs and making our country a better place?” Kristy said.

“You’re a part of that change Kristy, you should’ve worked at the FBI”

“Oh no, just one FBI agent is enough in our family but thank you for the trust, now I need ideas for the girls signs, y/n has already helped me with one but I still have one to go”

“What about fight like a girl? Matt has told me how much Lily loves Taekwondo” JJ suggested.

“Actually that’s perfect” Kristy went to write that on the poster her little girl would be holding during the march.

“You know, tomorrow Lily and Chloe will not be alone, Kate is bringing Kelly along with her and Meg.”

“I wished she was here” JJ really wanted to see Kate, it had been a while since she had seen her.

“She had to cancel last minute, poor Kelly has a stomach bug” Penelope lamented their friend couldn’t joined them.

“Alex, do you know what you’re putting on your sign?” Tara questioned.

“Actually yeah, I’ve thought about it all the way here, let me get on with it so we can help you clean and then we continue talking?”

They all agreed and went to finish their signs, after a half an hour later they were all done.

It’s time to ovary-act.

“I’m telling you I live surrounded by incredible women, ugh, I love all of you, mis mujeres” Penelope had learned a few Spanish from Luke.

“I couldn’t resist a little wordplay, after all I’m a linguist” Alex was proud of her idea as the others reassured her it was witty.

“You know what? I’m not that drunk that I actually thought deeply about mine, but I finally got it, and while I’m not that drunk I’m drunk enough to make a speech so prepare” She stood up straight while everyone turned to see her “All my life, no matter where I lived, men have tried to intimidate me just because I am a woman and I’ve always fought against those dicks that try to tell me what I can and can’t do, even when it came to my own fucking body, they felt entitled to give their opinion, it’s time we show them and our next generations that we will not accept being silenced, we have the right to speak and be heard and we’ll rule the world, mes amis.” She jokingly raised her glass while y/n grabbed Prentiss sign so she could show it to the rest of their friends.

Vulva la résistance

The rest of the girls cheered on Emily, they were now standing beside each other, with their arms resting on their friends shoulders.

JJ and Penelope went back as far as 15 years, 14 with Emily and y/n, apart from Tara and Alex, had only met these incredible women a little over a year but she was amazed by the amount of courage they had, she felt extremely lucky to be surrounded by women that did it all. Absolutely all.

Truth was being a woman in the FBI, hell, being a woman anywhere wasn’t always easy, but having a support network like the one they had created made life a little easier, knowing if anything happened all they had to do was look beside them and there would be another woman lending a helping hand.

#criminal minds #penelope garcia #jennifer jj jareau #elle greenaway #emily prentiss #alex blake #kate callahan #tara lewis #jordan todd #kristy simmons #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfiction #reader insert

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personaconcept · 4 years ago

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Script Teaser

So I’ve mentioned several times how I’m WORKING on the script, but I don’t really have a lot to show for it, ya know? So I thought I could share little teasers of what I’ve got, just to prove that I’ve got ‘em. I’ve also got a bit of an announcement at the bottom, if you wanna look out for that.

Opening scene

You’ll notice throughout this that everything that pertains to the male MC is bolded. This is guide home that this is really written with a female MC in mind, and the male is the extra.

Day 1

As of this moment, you wouldn’t have been able to choose your name yet, hence the Girl/Boy usage. I might eventually do some minor rewrites to change this.

Day 2

We have a moment between your father and Tomomi. I kinda really like both of these characters.

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6

Day 7

That’s all I’ve got for ya for teasers, but now onto my announcement!

******************************************************************************************

I’m looking for help. That’s... yeah, that’s basically about it. That about sums it up. I went into this being like “Oh, it shouldn’t be too hard, right? Get the characters, write the script. We’ll just skim over battles and focus on story, make it a VN! It’ll be easy!” Guess what it’s not?

Okay, joke aside, there seem to be several people who are interested in this, and if it got any further, I’m sure the interest would grow. Hence, I don’t want to leave people disappointed. This decision to ask for help is influenced by two major things, both of which I had been pretty excited for at one point.

The first is a certain game about a yandere we will not go into further detail about, but it fueled my desire to actually want to finish this... and not take ten years to get the first part out. That would be lame.

The other is, very specifically, a post I saw from someone who had complaints about the Yosuke romance mod for Persona 4 Golden. It talked about how the modder wasn’t listening to people, and how it felt wrong to have a straight person writing a gay romance.

This got me to thinking about the different characters I have, and their mental illnesses. The only one I would feel completely okay with writing would be Miyako, who is ace and has depression, both of which I can understand. I can also understand insomnia, anxiety, obesity, and inferiority, having experienced all of those at one point in my life or another. But things ADHD, DID, anger issues, bulimia, physical disabilities... I have no clue, and I want people who have experienced those to have the best representation, so I think someone who does have those would be the best choice to write those characters.

Things I would still be doing if I got help in this matter:

- Writing, of course. I have some outlines for social links, and I would prefer that they were stuck to, but with communication, things could be changed around. An emphasis on communication so things don’t contradict.

- Getting art. I think like, actual emotions from each character is out of the question at the moment (will be gotten to eventually), but I want to get a basic lineup like I’ve done for previous characters for all the social links. Backgrounds would probably come next after that.

- After a while, I want to find a music composer to write songs for this. The ones I really want are the opening, ending, and themes for the two MCs.

Things I have no idea how to do:

- Actually make a visual novel. I’m going to play around and keep people updated, but if I can’t figure it out... I may just end up finding someone to do the technical stuff for me.

- ...Actually work with a team to do this. If you do want to help me, know that I have no idea what I’m doing. Whenever I was given the option of working in a group project or working alone, I usually worked alone. So, uh, yeah.

Anyways, thank you for reading this far into my rambling, so thanks a bunch. Until next time!

#Persona #persona 6 #persona 5 #persona 4 #persona 3 #persona series #hikari iyashi #hikaru iyashi #sayaka ito #yūdai shinoda #miyako fujimori #masahiko orshiro #jun sanada #hoshiko akiyama #shinju kawaguchi #yuuki kawaguchi #haruka kawaguchi #tomomi miyamoto

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makeste · 5 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 246: Plot Whiplash

Previously on BnHA: Hawks handed Endeavor a copy of Re-Destro’s NYT bestseller and was all “ಠ_ಠ READ THIS!!” He then flew off back to the PLF and was all “hey guys just got back from handing out free copies of Destro’s book to everyone in a 1000-mile radius, which absolutely nobody asked me to do, well anyways you can thank me later” and they were all “SWEET.” Back at the Endeavor HQ, Bakugou got all fired up to BUST SOME HEADS but Endeavor’s sidekicks were all “WAIT FOR THE PLOT YOUNG MAN.” Meanwhile in his office, Endeavor discovered a secret code in the book Hawks gave him, which basically read “HEY WHAT’S UP THE LEAGUE HAS TAKEN OVER THE MLA AND HAS AN ARMY OF 100,000 PEOPLE” and Endeavor was like “!!!!” And then we cut to the League and Toga was all “IN FOUR MONTHS TOMURA IS BLOWING THIS SHIT TO KINGDOM COME” and then the chapter just ended. Sometimes it be like that.

Today on BnHA: Tomura sits down with Ujiko who monologues a bit about Quirk Singularity and then starts some sort of quirk-upgrading process which will apparently take four months to fully set in. And also he’s like “oh btw let me tell you about One for All” so THAT’S A THING NOW, GREAT. We then cut back and forth between Endeavor and Hawks, who both somehow come to the weird conclusion that THE INTERNS ARE OUR ONLY HOPE NOW using logic that is hard to explain on account of THERE ACTUALLY ISN’T ANY LOGIC BEHIND IT, SHHH. But anyway, so Endeavor figures out the rest of Hawks’s message and he knows that Hawks is trying to figure out what the League is up to, and something something that’s why the internships are so important. Like, I get that the Terrible Trio are future legends in the making, but these guys are seriously like “well okay let’s just go ahead and rest all our hopes on them” out of the blue, and Hawks has this big monologue about how “THINGS WON’T GO ACCORDING TO YOUR PLAN, VILLAINS” and okay then!! And then the last two pages are basically just DID SOMEBODY ORDER SOME HYPE with more shit going on than I can possibly sum up so I won’t even try lol. But damn.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

okay guys, I’m feeling kinda under the weather today, but I know this chapter’s gonna be good so lesssssss gooooooo. bring me back to life Horikoshi

(ETA: lol well there sure was a lot happening in this chapter, that’s for sure. my head hurts.)

oooooh it’s a sexy Jump cover celebrating season 4!

I really need the anime team to step up and give Ochako and Tsuyu some more screentime in the Basement Arc since the manga did not do them justice. there’s only like a 20% chance of that happening, which is depressing, but it’s 2019 and the winds are slowly changing, albeit at a geriatric pace. so I’ll allow myself to have some hope. you never know

YEAH SON LOOK AT THIS COLOR SPREAD Y’ALL THIS IS RAD

hello I love everything about this. the colors, the focus on our best girls, Deku’s bizarre-yet-awesome assorted sci-fi accessories (Deku do those headphones let you communicate with space or what), and of course, the five million TVs in the background which for some reason all appear to be from the 70s. all of this to remind us to TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR THE LONG-AWAITED SEASON 4 DEBUT. I will definitely tune in! the first episode is just gonna be the usual half filler/half clip show, but honestly season 3 was so good that I could sit through a whole hour of nothing but highlights and still be thoroughly entertained

anyway let’s move on because there are GAMES AFOOT, and we’re hopefully about to learn which direction this arc will be headed in!

OH SHIT OH FUCK

yep, that’s him. Shigaraki “destruction incarnate” Tomura. I see we’re getting our weekly dose of “just a reminder that WE ARE SCREWED” even earlier than usual this chapter, huh

so does anyone else get a chill up their spine every time Ujiko makes an appearance, or is that just me? like, god. he may honestly be even creepier than AFO. he’s just completely soulless, this guy. he’s got like this Mengele vibe to him (though that may be kinda dicey to compare horrific real-life atrocities to fictional ones in a shounen manga, but I’m just trying to explain why I find him so disturbing) and it really freaks me the hell out, ngl. anyways so him wearing a surgical mask and standing in front of this weird examination chair is pretty much the last thing I need right now. go away Ujiko

so Tomura is all “I want it cuz you promised, so pay up jackass”, and like. fair, though

I really like this new art style Horikoshi’s been using for him since his Awakening. kinda curious how it’s going to translate to the anime, or even to a color spread. but at the very least in black and white it looks siiiiick

smh look at this little punk trying to downplay how insanely freaking overpowered his quirk currently is

okay first of all, “President Baldy” is only alive because you left him alive. and he also had to chop off his own legs to stay that way. like, what kind of argument is this, Tomura? “this power is far from invincible, all my enemies have to do is amputate their own limbs and then they’ll have me right where they want me.” you know what, just go on and destroy the world right now kid. you’re getting greedy now and it could be your undoing

that is a nice parallel between him and Deku there, though. now I’m craving some Symbolic Artwork of them standing back to back each holding out their scarred right arms. maybe with their respective mentors in the background. here at BnHA we prefer our parallels nice and dramatic

sdskfjlaskdj

son of a bitch. I really wish he wouldn’t say that with such utter certainty. “the next conflict will be our last.” cue me flipping through the BnHA table of contents and trying to determine just how far along we actually are here, because this is veering dangerously close to Final Battle signaling, and like, ALREADY?? TOMURA ARE YOU JUST BEING THEATRICAL OR ARE YOU FOR REAL OMG. motherfucking DARK LORD’S LIPS curling into the WICKEDEST FUCKING CRESCENT I’VE EVER SEEN, fuck me

(ETA: it occurs to me on readthrough #2 that “the next conflict will be our last” could be interpreted to mean him and All Might specifically. like, the last conflict between the two of them. and that might very well be true, and would not surprise me at all. shit.)

fjsgk now Ujiko’s talking about research. and quirks!! glkjlkl

fully expecting the camera to cut to some NOUMUS any second now oh my god. also trying not to think about how crazy ominous that fucking chair looks. and how many people this maniac has probably strapped down to it and done god knows what to them. hey Horikoshi you know what, I’ve had just about enough of this dark shit, can we please cut back to my kids now I’m feeling too unsettled. goddammit

anyhow of course we are NOT cutting away, and Ujiko is continuing to talk about quirk evolution, and now segueing into a speech about that quirk singularity thing. -- which he apparently named?? wow

is he actually going to do something to Tomura? holy shit?? this whole time that they’ve been talking about this “power” I’ve just been assuming it was something external, like some other handy dandy villain resource that AFO’s just been sitting on or something. this is not where I expected things to go. didn’t he just get an upgrade??

anyway so here’s a brief summary I just wrote up of The Past Six Months of BnHA:

Deku: [gets a new quirk]

everyone: bruh. Horikoshi really out here giving Deku AFO Powers while Tomura just sits around starving to death on a couch. what the heck

Horikoshi: [powers up Tomura to the point where he can destroy anything just by it being in contact with something that Tomura happens to be touching] [has Tomura use this power to level an entire city]

everyone: -- oh. okay, you know what, never mind --

Horikoshi: [gives Tomura an army of 100,000 people] [also gives him command of 11 extremely lethal and nigh-unstoppable killing machines, just one of which was almost enough to take out the number one hero, LITERALLY THE STRONGEST GUY THE GOOD GUYS CURRENTLY HAVE IN RESERVE]

everyone: okay we’re sorry we get it you can sto --

Horikoshi: APOCALYPSE IN FOUR MONTHS!!!

everyone: WE GET IT WE’RE SORRY PLEASE

Horikoshi: [GIVES TOMURA ANOTHER POWER-UP]

everyone: [curled up in fetal position sobbing]

starting to think the mangaka might be the actual final villain here. hmm

anyway. so I guess we have four months until Tomura ascends to Actual Godhood and proceeds to rain hellfire down upon the world. what are you all gonna do with your four months. I personally have a lot of stuff to binge, but knowing me I’ll probably just waste all my time reading fanfic while youtube videos play in the background which I’m not paying any attention to. what am I doing with my life

oh were we not done hyping him up? there’s more??

(ETA: I got so caught up in the OFA comment I didn’t pay attention to Tomura becoming a beautiful decayed butterfly in this exquisitely creepy panel here. but damn.)

-- HOLD THE FUCK UP. does Tomura know about One for All??? because I was under the impression that AFO hadn’t told him? this would change a lot if he knew this entire time, holy shit?!

aaaaaaaaand exactly one panel later Horikoshi is all “no he didn’t know calm the fuck down” lol

okay then. so he didn’t know, and he’s only just finding out now. well tbh that’s still worthy of a smiling crying emoji face though :’) this is fineeee

shit here we go oh shit

-- WAIT, SO WE’RE JUST CUTTING AWAY FROM THEM? NOW YOU CUT AWAY? YOU GET WITHIN INCHES OF CONFIRMING THE FUCKING ALL FOR ONE FOR ALL THEORY AND THEN IT’S JUST “ANYWAYS HERE’S ENDEAVOR” YOU KNOW WHAT, HORIKOSHI, I --

just. come on dude. AFOFA 2019! let’s make it happen! dammit

sigh, so looks like it’s back to the admittedly-still-epic “Hawks passes down secret information about the villains to Endeavor” plot. I guess we’re not exactly hurting for good plots all around. I may complain but honestly we are spoiled

so Hawks is saying that he actually doesn’t know the specifics of the villains’ plans yet. well shit

apparently his feathers can only pick up sounds from short range, and the villains keep escorting him away whenever they get to talking about the good stuff. well at least that explains that potential plot hole from last week. Hawks’s feathers may have a short range, but Horikoshi’s plot hole caulking gun can fill in leaky plot holes from fucking miles away. amazing

ffffffff

don’t mind me I’m just sitting here fretting about Hawks continuing to be in mortal danger and risking his life to gather information in a race against time against the end of the world. Horikoshi out here piling up stakes like a freaking vampire hunter

but in the meantime, everyone please stop what you’re doing for a moment to look at this absolute unit of a bellhop slash security guard

apologies Lord Vader he was just trying to get to the dining hall. my bad. as you were

and holy shit I hope you enjoyed that light comedic break because two seconds later Re-Destro has dropped in to fixate Hawks with one of those Lightly Menacing Smiles he’s so infamous for. so that’s just fucking great!

HAWKS WATCH OUT FOR YOUR FINGERS

omg. imagine, a showdown between the two stealth murder MVPs of the series, Yotsubashi “Sleeper Hold” Rikiya (yes I did have to look up his real name just now) and Takami “Tag Em And Bag Em” Keigo. true, RD may no longer have legs, but he didn’t need them to choke out our little mouse buddy now did he? anyways speaking of which I just remembered that I fucking hate Re-Destro and I honestly hope Hawks does kill him. it’d be pretty easy to fit him into a bag too. he’s basically just a torso and arms now

oh sure Horikoshi go ahead and spring this on me after all of that ranting why don’t you

by the way does Re-Destro have Robot Legs now, or

looool he does

I will say this for Horikoshi, he knows my weaknesses. more robot limbs please. either badass or memeable ones, either is fine

meanwhile I skipped over this panel of Hawks and Twice being buddies in order to get to the legs, and shame on me for that. let’s go back

Twice is a genuinely good guy and I hope Hawks can tell. I wonder how fake this smile is. I feel like it’d be easy to relax around Twice regardless of how tense you are about your secret spy mission which could go south at any time. anyways this is wholesome

and now we’re cutting back to Endeavor who is taking his sweet time reacting to this whole thing. Endeavor can you fucking chill with the poker face already geez

okay wait, what

are you serious?! I fucking can’t with this lady. “now make sure to throw these children directly into the line of fire! it’s good for them and builds character!” I’m sorry, I thought this was the Hero Public Safety Commission, not the Putting Juveniles Directly Into Harm’s Way Commission?? at least change the acronym to something more appropriate then. Heinous Pathetic Soulless Cowards. just a suggestion. jesus

anyway so for a moment I got confused as to whether this was implying that she’d told Endeavor about Hawks’s undercover mission. but it seems like he’s still unaware. shouldn’t be too long before he puts the pieces together though at this rate

lol in the very next panel, even

meanwhile you’re just sitting on your ass reading a book! FUCKING DO SOMETHING ALREADY, ENDEAVOR

so he’s thinking that the “preparation” part of Hawks’s message is referring to the interns. let me back up a sec and write down the entire message as he’s read it thus far

“four months from now / rising to action / until then / will send / signals / in case / of failure / preparation / numbers”

...read like that, it really does sound like Hawks is advocating to get as many soldiers ready as possible. even if that includes actual children. including Endeavor’s own son. shit. I mean, I get that they don’t have much of a choice, but that’s still so fucked up. sure, we as omniscient readers know that Deku is their one and only hope, but they don’t know that. as far as they know these are just a bunch of teenagers with less than a year’s worth of experience that they’re propping up on the front lines. and the plan is then... what? hope they don’t die too quickly?? fuck

Hawks is out here having an argument with me in his thoughts. you wanna play it like that, Hawks? fine

I don’t know what kind of “but” you can tag on to the end of that paragraph that could possibly win me over, dude, but go for it I guess

and we’re finally cutting back to the kids in question now! with Burnin’ casually trying to crush Kacchan’s hopes and dreams

okay but I love how both Deku and Shouto are like “easy there buddy, we got you” and trying to keep Kacchan from having a fucking aneurysm sob. JUST TRY AND HOIST HIM ONTO SOME DUMB SIDEKICKS, LADY. YOU’VE MADE A POWERFUL ENEMY HERE TODAY

oh shit

oh my god. are we going to get our first actual interaction between the three of them that doesn’t consist of them grumbling annoyed introductions at each other and then running off to fight an old fortune teller omggggg

I love how Deku and Bakugou look weirdly intimidated by him lol. Bakugou where did all that “YOU’RE KIND OF A JERK” confidence go all of a sudden

YESSSSSSS

GODDAMMIT, I’M STILL SO MAD AT YOU GUYS FOR BEING ALL “LET’S JUST MAKE THE CHILDREN DO IT,” BUT DAMMIT THEY KICK ASS THOUGH SO I CAN KINDA SEE YOUR POINT

NOW HAWKS IS METAING ABOUT THEM AHHHHHHH

DAMN STRAIGHT THEY WOULD HAVE. BRING ON TOMURA AND ALL OF HIS STUPID POWER-UPS. WOW I’M WEIRDLY HYPED UP ALL OF A SUDDEN WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME

AND FUCKING LOOK AT THIS TWO-PAGE SPREAD AHHHHHHHHHHH

MOTHERFUCKER [WHIPS OUT PEN AND NOTEBOOK] TIME TO ANALYZE THIS BITCH

so Ochako and Tsuyu did indeed go back to intern with Ryuukyuu again! makes sense, she is a top ten hero after all. who’s that with them, though? almost looks like Yanagi from the hair and the mask, but the costume looks different? hmm

I CAN’T BELIEVE IIDA WENT BACK TO INTERN WITH FUCKING MANUAL AGAIN. THIS GUY IS THE BRAN CEREAL OF HEROES. though I fucking love him though so yeah it’s fine

JIROU AND SHOUJI TEAMING UP WITH GANG FUCKING ORCA AW YISS BOYS THIS IS THE GOOD SHIT LET’S GOOOO

KOUDA AND MANGA TEAMING UP WITH WASH OMG. MANGA IS THE ONLY ONE ON THAT TEAM WHO ACTUALLY FUCKING SPEAKS. IS WASH’S SIDEKICK SOME SORT OF BROOM PERSON OMG

A WHOLE FUCKING ACRE OF KIDS HAVE ALL GANGED UP ON THIS CAVEMAN-LOOKING FELLA I DON’T EVEN RECOGNIZE. WHO ARE YOU. DID YOU CROSS OVER FROM THE FANTASY AU

KIRI BACK WITH FG AND BROUGHT TETSUTETSU ALONG FOR THE RIDE HELLS YEAHHHH

KAMINARI AND SERO WITH KAMUI WOODS AND EDGESHOT I’M HYPERVENTILATING AHHH. AND SHIOZAKI TOO!! I’LL JUST PRETEND I DON’T SEE MINETA THERE IN THE CORNER. MIGHT BE TIME TO DUST OFF THE OLD “CANCELLED” STAMP AGAIN BUT WE’LL SEE HOW THINGS GO

WHO ARE MOMO AND TOKAGE AND MINA AND AOYAMA (WHICH BTW IS THE GREATEST HERO TEAMUP OF ALL TIME HOLY SHIT) TEAMING UP WITH!? TELL US. AND PONY AND MONOMA. GODDAMMIT HORIKOSHI

whew! anyway. they’re all still screwed, but by golly that was nice to have that little invigorating breather of life and hope

LOL OH SHIT THERE’S ANOTHER ONE

okay, SOMEONE TELL ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW WHAT ALL MIGHT IS LOOKING AT OR I’M GONNA LOSE IT. holy shit. he was researching the past users of OFA, wasn’t he? WHAT DID YOU FIND OH GOD. he’s not just upset, he looks one step shy of fucking crying?? did he learn about what happened to Nana’s son and his family, maybe? shit shit shit

so Yanagi is interning with Kendou then? so who was that with Hadou and Ryuukyuu and the rest. one of Ryuukyuu’s sidekicks?

IS THAT FUYUMI (SPOILERS FUCKING YEAH IT IS) AND WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE SHE’S FUCKING PRAYING OMG. it looks like she’s kneeling at a family altar?? like saying a prayer for someone who is PRESUMED DEAD, maybe?? LIKE MAYBE A LONG LOST TWIN BROTHER OH SHIT OUT OF NOWHERE THE HYPE DON’T STOP!!

AND WHY DOES NAO HAVE HIS HAT OFF AND CLUTCHED TO HIS CHEST LIKE HE’S TELLING SOMEONE BAD NEWS. GOD WHAT THE HELL EVEN ARE ALL OF THESE PLOT THINGS HAPPENING ALL OF A SUDDEN. LIKE I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO LOOK NEXT

KUROGIRI AHHHHHHHH

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ERI’S HORN!? DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE THIS?? AIZAWA??? HELLO!?!?

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, TEAM OT3. TIME TO FUCKING SUIT UP. APPARENTLY. WELL ALL RIGHT THEN. [JACKET ZIP] [GUN COCKING SOUND EFFECT] LET’S GO PUNCH ‘EM IN THE MOUTH

y’all. this chapter was like plot whiplash. this went in so many different directions and hinted at so many different things that I’m at a complete fucking loss as to what to process first. but I guess the interns are gonna save us all, somehow. lol okay then

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha 246 #shigaraki tomura #hawks #endeavor #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #horikoshi: [makes tomura sexy]#everyone: okay that part is fine I guess #horikoshi: [tells tomura about one for all]#me: :') :') :') :') :') :') :') :') :') welp

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stonerbughead · 4 years ago

Text

Maria watches friday night lights (#34)

And we continue with 5x11, the stage is set for quite a playoff episode, and i am HERE FOR IT.

my reactions / recap / flailing under the cut

Omg there are “welcome home Tim” signs up?? Poor Luke is jealous of Becky and Tim talking.

Damn, Tim definitely seems fucked up from prison from just that convo with Becky about the Landing Strip alone. Tortured boy.

Aw, we love to see excited Eric with a bunch of excited East Dillon Lions in the locker room after a winning playoff game!

Anddddd here come the budget cuts to burst the bubble. “Anyone need a donut? Some of you won’t have a job next semester.” Damn worst he’s seen it in 27 years? “Anyway, uh...pray.” Damn.

“Where’s the union in all of this, you know?” damn, they have a union at this Texas school? That’s good, but it seems like a weak one, which i’m not surprised about because, again...Texas.

OOOOH Tami’s getting recruited to a Philly college and they’ll fly her out to interview her?

LOL the dudes are yelling “state, state, state!” jumping up and down in their front yard? “Get out of my front yard, you’re making me look bad!” this is so wholesome.

Oh jesus poor Vince, his dad is trying to bring alcohol home when his mom is a recovering addict? What a selfish fuck! “I just don’t know.” OK BYE.

Ahhh Smash Williams is on the TV, playing football in a professional game while Tim Riggins works at Buddy’s bar...this show is just *chef’s kiss*

Oh he sounds so sad and “meh” as Buddy tries to make small talk about Smash’s success. Oh my poor Tim.

OH Jess noooo you taped another team in the division? The fear and drive in her eyes as she nervously tells a very stressed Eric she wants to be a coach herself...I love that.

REALLY? One of the coaches had to do the laughing and “you’ll never be a football coach.” “What, because I’m a girl?” “I didn’t say that.” “Yeah, you did.”

OMG I’m dying, the subtitles while Luke and Becky make out on the coach say SMOOCHING. Adorable!

“Don’t stop for me.” Wow, growth for Becky that Tim is the one walking in on her relationship now. “Use protection this time.” MUST YOU TIM?

Oh shit, football is “revenue neutral.” Truly wild that Tami, Eric, and Levi are having a convo about the whole program possibly being cut while the team loudly celebrates making it to the quarter finals all around them! The visuals in this show are superb.

The sound of “all the way to state, all the way to state, all the way to state!” in the background as the camera focuses on Tami and Eric, watching over everything with sighs on their faces. They carry so much for this town and this team.

Oh shit it’s Bryn Mawr she wants to interview at? And omg they want to interview on the Friday of the semi-final. It’s all happening!

Oh yes some high-stress practice in the pouring rain while Eric has budget cuts and Tami’s interview on his mind!

Okay i get you’re stressed Eric, but calling Jess a “pest” for showing you an article of a female football coach is not it! Although it is WILD Jess took a physical newspaper clipping out to show Eric in the pouring rain. I love her.

Yes, Billy, you are def on the chopping block with these budget cuts. But LOL at him making fun of that dude who repeats everything everyone else said

Tim is so much quieter and more stoic. It tracks. Billy, are you really surprised he doesn’t want to relive his former glory days rn? (Although i have a lil feeling Tim will show up at this game at the last minute!)

Oh shit they’re on Billy’s front lawn now? This is so cute, the parallel moments of “wait a minute, I hear something” and coming outside to find this team with so much heart!

Oh wow they are getting BOOED at this away game. You know they’re good now!

“You never saw so many people so quiet.” I love Vince and his mom’s relationship so much, my heart.

Oh god is daddy all drunk kissing up on his wife who is SOBER? Sir, what do you not understand about sobriety?

Oop and he’s got “gifts.” What shit is he back into?

Wow, hands on the mom and he’s clearly dropped the drugs he’s flipping. There it is.

Yes to the BBQ people asking if the MOM is alright and kicking the dad’s sorry ass out. That’s how we do it.

I really love the way they’re transitioning through this period of playoffs—the locker room updates to their progress with the radio in the background, the chants after each win — then making way for Eric dropping Tami off at the airport. Semifinals are here.

“The time when I need you the most?” “You really gonna bring this up now, on the way to the airport?” Tami’s right, she’s been nothing but straightforward all along! Tami supports you, Eric, let her have her fucking moment.

“Well, you’re kicking my ass.” “Yes, that’s right. Your ass needs some kicking.” “Who’s going to cook dinner for me?” “Oh, poor baby. Gracie.” LMAOOOO yes Tami! Get him! I’m dying.

Okay, Eric, you are forgiven—he looked up the female football coach to talk to Jess about but got the last name wrong!

“14,000 high school football coaches in the country, and that’s one. One out of 14,000. You like those odds?” “No, I think they kind of stink.” “So do I.” Awwww.

“I’m not asking to play.” YES JESS! I love the growth she’s shown over her two seasons. Now she knows what she wants! And her persistence is paying off—Eric’s gonna let her shadow him?! My heart!

Damn Tim is VERY bothered by Becky working at the family business (The Landing Strip.)

Oh God what i feel like Tim sees in “one of Becky’s regular customers” is someone he has an excuse to let out his aggression on. He’s clearly just so fucked up by his life not being what he wanted it to be—and by even the life of those he loved and left behind on the outside not being what he wants for them.

“She’s 17 years old!!!! A high school junior!” I mean, FAIR. Fair fucking point.

Oh fuck this emotional scene between Tim and Billy in the parking lot...DAMN that was a hard punch in the face Tim just gave Billy.

WOW Tim is gonna hold onto taking the fall for Billy for a long time. Fuck. “For the rest of my life, if that’s how I feel it needs to be.”

Billy looks so fucking sad on his knees in the parking lot.

Regina changed the locks! Yes gurl, do not let that man back into your home!

He’s trying to break down the door...oh honey, no. “You’re blowing it, Pop!” I’m so proud of Regina for standing up for herself and Vince.

The visual of Luke riding up next to Tim’s car, and then driving past Becky and Tim fighting, as they pause to watch him go...ART. Also, why is Tim so resolutely like “I got to go. I got to go.” Intrigued.

“There’s only gonna be one football team in Dillon next year.” “Well, which program are they cutting?” “That’s next week’s fight.” DAMN. So much is happening in one night!

Yep, Eric just summed it up to that reporter: “One of those teams is going to state. And i don’t think you’re gonna eliminate a team that goes to state.” They’re fighting for the very existence of their team AND the state championship in one! This show!

Oh wow Luke does NOT want to hear Becky’s apology. Oh nooo!

Aw Regina and Vince communicating about how she needs to “take a meeting” so she can’t come to the game and him saying that’s more important...again, the growth! My heart!

OH they made up Braemore? Really sounded like Bryn Mawr LOL. Go Tami!!!

(These white dudes do not want to hear a woman saying they should rethink their approach. STOP YELLING AT HER, SHE’S RIGHT.)

Oh Mindy, crying at Tim not to go, about how much Billy cries at night, how much they both love Tim. IM EMOTIONAL

“You’re different, you know that?” “Yeah. I am.” ABOLISH PRISONS.

DAMN this semi final game is a NAILBITER

They did it at the last minute, YES!!! Nothing beats the excitement on the team’s faces as they embrace!

Damn Tim returning to his old trailer? Drinking beers alone and doing very not well as he listens to the radio static. Sigh, poor angsty boy.

Aw the woman who interviewed Tami is so kind. Telling her she did well at dinner.

I literally gasped then went AHHH! when the college dude came to dinner and Tami’s all politely like “thanks for the opportunity!” And the guy’s like, “yeah yeah i have two kids to put to bed, anyway we’re offering you that old asshole’s job.” “Dean of Admissions???” YES QUEEN

Damn Eric and Tami are BOTH killing the game, what a fucking power couple.

Eric has the whiteboard on the bus to accompany this “we’re going to state” chant. Amazing.

“We missed the field house.” “We’re not going to the field house.” OMG all their fans are waiting outside to cheer for them as they return?? How beautiful!

Oh my poor babe Vince, all he wants is to know his mom is safe.

YES he found his mom! My heart dropped when Vince’s face betrayed some fear he couldn’t find her. I’m so glad they can celebrate together, oh my heart.

And then you see Eric looking around for Tami, lost because she’s across the country contemplating a life-changing job offer...WOW. Two episodes left and the deck is truly STACKED. This show is art.

#maria watches friday night lights #mine #friday night lights 5x11

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corpse--diem · 5 years ago

Text

Only If For A Night | Nic & Erin

@bountybossier

Two glasses sat on the empty metal body slab, the dark auburn of the whiskey beside it bouncing off the bad overhead lighting. Ready and waiting. Nic had made good on his word when he’d told their boss a heads up would be needed. Dale informed her there’d be a body on it’s way to the funeral home and their hunter-for-here would be delivering. The basement was eerily quiet now without the sounds of her father bellowing and growling in the background. Erin’s eyes moved to the large blood stain in the middle of the room where she hadn’t been able to completely remove the last trace of the night that had absolved her of that particular problem. Maybe it was time to get a rug down here. Realized how she looked just now, literally standing around, waiting for Nic to drop in with the delivery. Yikes. This was weird, wasn’t it? Hints of desperation were abundant in the air, here. The sharp knock on the door abruptly broke her from those thoughts. She pulled the basement door open, a knowing smirk on her lips. “I’m sorry. Can I help you?” Couldn’t help when her grin stretched wider, arms aptly crossing as she leaned against the door entrance.

Nicodemus had no earthly reason to feel nervous. He didn’t feel right in the slightest but the further he got away from Traveler, the further he got away from the ocean, he felt more like himself. Whatever that was. Heading to the funeral home, heading to see her, wasn’t the place to start having an existential crisis. Blame the night. That had been the mantra for the last handful of weeks or however long he had been fucked up as he was. He didn’t want to think about that and he chose not too as he checked himself in the rearview. The bruising from his nose was fading but still, dark fell under his eyes like spread bat wings. He frowned. Oh well. Like Erin said, bloody and battered was his thing. The hunter tried not to linger on it too much as he lugged another werewolf over his shoulder. Somewhere in the familiarity of the situation, his nerves settled. As the door open and he looked at her, a crooked smirk appeared. “Yeah, you might be able to, ma’am. Got somethin’ of a bountiful harvest an’ all.” The smell of old blood hit his nose and he couldn’t help but look away from Erin for a second, to the unmistakable stain of blood. “That’s new, huh?”

Erin didn’t miss bruised patches beneath his eyes. She’d seen him the night it had happened but it still threw her how healed up it looked already. Was that a hunter thing? Still made her inwardly flinch and not because she was squeamish. Lord knew she wasn’t. But she also couldn’t help the way her chest lurched when he smirked at her like that. “Bountiful harvest,” she nodded, a soft chuckle on her lips. “That’s good. There’s that quick wit I know and miss,” she said, pointing at him as she stepped back to finally let him in. Just because it was dark didn’t mean it was a good idea to have him hover outside with a body bag on his shoulder any longer than necessary. She locked the door, glancing back to where his eyes fell. “Uh, yeah,” she scoffed, shaking her head. “It took three witches, a moose, and a fuck ton of magic, but dear old dad is no longer with us.” That summed it up enough, right? She crossed the room, patting the metal table she had reserved just for this delivery. “You can toss this big guy right over here.”

His gaze lingered on her, lips loose in a thin smile. The scenario was so damn similar. Nightfall, corpse of a stranger on his shoulder, and Erin Nichols welcoming him into the underground. Nicodemus stepped past her and chuckled. “Yeah, you sure it ain’t just weirdo talk?” He eyed the bloody spot as he set the werewolf down on the table, the ring of metal sounding for just a moment. “I’ve been tryin’ to sleep. Maybe that’s helpin’. Can’t run off nothin’ like some people.” Namely but without being said, Alain. He couldn’t stop himself. “A fuckin’ what? A moose?” The magic and witches glanced off of him, but he had to huff a raspy laugh at how an animal like that got involved. “Really startin’ to build a rapport with moose, y’know? Kinda startin’ to make it seem like an art. Maybe that’s your, uh, gift.” He paused and wrung his hands. He had started so confidently. Surely, he could find it again. A small and ugly bud in him started to bloom. Tracking things was one of his specialities. It couldn’t possibly be the case, his logical brain thought, but then that less than logical bit crept out. Maybe his presence was cursed somehow. He shook his head and stepped off to the side. “One of ‘em.” He coughed into his shoulder and shook it out. “Anyhow. Better he’s gone now, yeah? Rest easy an’ all.”

“Weirdo talk works too,” Erin chuckled. Watched him set the body down, that easy smile she wore faltering a few hairs. Bottom line, there was still a job to do here. “Moose are my gift? I hope you know this moose surgence didn’t start being a thing until I met you, ” she latched onto his words, trying not to think too deeply about the body in front of her. Another werewolf. She didn’t know how that worked in real life compared to movies. Had this been a person before? Or just a supernatural wolf-like creature? Wasn’t quite sure she wanted an answer to that, actually. Not when she was about to do what she was about to do. Her eyes flickered up to Nic’s briefly, like she’d find some sort of answer there. All she could see was the exhaustion still lingering in his features. “All gone, yeah,. Nothing to worry about there anymore,” she said quickly, trying to refocus back on the task at hand. Scalpel and Playmate ready, she got to work. Quiet for a few moments as metal sliced into skin, brows furrowed in concentration. “How are you?” Her eyes searched for his again. Paused a beat. “Really?”

“You ain’t made me leave yet, so looks like weirdo is workin’ for me,” Nicodemus smiled. Better than monster or whatever other fucking word a bleeding heart would spit at him. “Hey now, I said one of ‘em. Maybe the moose were just waitin’ to hear from you. You’re welcome for that.” Because that’s what Moose Caboose had been about. Fuck, he needed to stop talking about the moose. It was easier to talk about that than seeing eyeballs, sleepwalking, and killing strangers. Fuck. Why was he so hung up on that? Would he have let Jeff just die if he hadn’t suddenly felt compelled…? No. It wasn’t the time or the place. He looked at Erin as she looked at him and took a breath to ground himself. Too much thinking like that wouldn’t do him any good. It would paralyze him. “That’s good. Glad you got it figured out,” he said with a nod, eyes on the body as she started to cut into it. When she posed her question, he looked up. Fixed his eyes on her. He was quiet, the humor from before pulled out of him with death-grip hands. In bruised yet healing eye sockets, his eyes felt darker. “I don’t know,” he rumbled out. “Feel like I’ve been fucked up since I got here. Nothin’ goes the way I think it will and that shouldn’t be a huge fuckin’ surprise, but…” In White Crest, he saved people. He hated that word but he knew what it was. Why did that bother him so goddamn much? “It, uh, it does. Every time. Like I can’t get...right..” He realized how much he said, which in the grand scheme wasn’t much, but it was more than anything to him. A dry, humorless laugh broke the quiet as he leaned back against the counter and started to fiddle with a metal handle “...I guess I ain’t great.”

“It works. Don’t worry about that,” Erin returned the smile. God, the fucking moose. It was as funny as it was depressing. And after the night she’d spent and what she’d seen done to that moose, she was alright without ever seeing another one again in her life. She ignored it with a soft roll of her eyes, eager to get past that and any further discussion of her father. Moose and zombies. Two things she never would have pictured so prominently in her life. She could practically feel the tone shift when the room fell silent. Then he spoke, no cursed coins urging those reluctant truths from him. So she stopped, pulled her hands from the still-warm corpse, and listened. Suddenly more nervous than she could recall being in front of him. “I get that. In a way, I mean,” she shrugged, returning his wry smile with one of her own. Gestured towards the body directly in front of her. Case in point. She started back to work when her hands grew antsy, though her focus remained as much as possible on him. “I learned a little late but this town has a way of screwing with you in ways I never could have dreamed about,” she scoffed. Eyes darted towards the empty glasses and the liquor bottle. “Whiskey helps though.” She tried to smile again, but the way he was looking bothered her more than she could properly grasp. “It’s not you,” she insisted, words firm and sure. “It’s this town and everything in it fucking with you. But it’s not you. You know that, right?”

When she pulled her hands out of the werewolf’s chest cavity, Nicodemus slowed his fiddling with the cabinet handle. Trigger finger tapping against the metal quietly as he listened to her speak. When she pointed at the very obvious body smack dab in the middle of an illicit organ harvesting between a mortician and a hunter, he couldn’t fight the wry smile that eased to life. “Yeah…” He sighed as he readjusted himself, looked at the whiskey and empty glasses. Whether he was sober or whether he wasn’t, the shit he dealt with didn’t have the mind to pack things up and leave him alone. It wouldn’t be life if it up and did that, did him a kindness. He looked at her as she worked. Just as tired as him. He didn’t know what happened, but considering the blood and the reluctance, he could only assume it wasn’t pretty. Assumed it would be the kind of thing to haunt the mind. She could do without being haunted. He crossed over to the whiskey and poured himself a glass, much less than what he usually would. He did the same for her but was forced to pause at her words. Wasn’t him? A low hum of uncertainty rose. He didn’t flinch when he saw that eye staring at him again when he blinked. “Ain’t sure about that, Erin,” he said, finger tapping against the bottle of whiskey as he set it down. “Peace of mind don’t come to people like me. Makes sense in a shitty way. All, uh, this.” He wasn’t hunting for pity. It was a statement of fact. That was the deal. They hunted, they died, and peace came in the form of a 2x6 foot coffin. Or just a hole in the dirt. He didn’t lament that. Of all things to make peace with, he had with that. He was certain of it. That part of the Bossier legacy he couldn’t outrun. “The town, yeah, I can buy that. But it's gotta react to somethin’.” He grabbed the glass of whiskey and threw it back. Didn’t go to refill it. He grabbed the glass he poured for her and handed it to her. “Givin’ it plenty to work with, I suppose.” He looked at the werewolf corpse as he found it hard to look at her. “How’s it lookin’ in there?”

Something in his voice could only lend to what he wasn’t saying. Erin hadn’t known him long, but Nic was a man of few words. When he spoke, you listened. Somewhere along the way she’d started reading between the lines. Had to, if she wanted to understand him better, or at all. This felt different, though. She felt different. And so did Nic. “You deserve better than feeling that way,” she reiterated, watching him knock back the whiskey, cup barely full. That was different too. She set the creature’s liver into the cooler, his words settling weirdly on her mind. All of this—the unsavory exchanges in the night. The secrets. The lies. Erin has only tasted this side of life for a fraction of the time Nic had. But it was part of her now. Always had been, even if she didn’t know it before a few months ago. “You’ve gotta keep believing that.” She had to keep believing that too. Lifted the glass to her lips, the blood on her gloves marring the clean surface. Like a reminder. Subtle. She paused, watching it for a second, before tossing it back just as quickly as he had. “You’re biased, you know.” She started, trying to find the words as warmth crept into her chest. “You've only got your point of view, making you think that any of this is your fault. And I know I haven’t known you long, but from what I’ve seen?” She tried to find his eyes as his avoided her own. “You deserve that. Peace. You’re a good guy. I know that. And I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t think so.” Fuck. Right. The corpse was growing colder by the second and she set her glass down. Found it harder and harder to concentrate on what she was doing. “It’s fine,” she nodded, getting back to it. Thought hard about how it had ended up on her table, and who’d brought them here. “Can you—you could stop, right?” She asked, genuinely unsure. “Step away from all of this, if you really wanted.”

The hunter forced himself to not respond when she called him a good guy. The same way his grandfather trained him to not give when wolf teeth sunk down. Nicodemus’s jaw started to tighten, the muscle there taut as teeth pressed tight together. Erin. Margot. Skylar. Blanche. Orion. All these people saying thank you, feeling grateful for the shit he did on a whim and couldn’t find an explanation for no matter how much he dug. Anger wearing the skin of self-loathing crawled up his ribs and sat heavy in his throat. He didn’t believe in much of anything. Was this Samson’s revenge? He hadn’t seen the old man in years but he kept tabs. Knew the fucker was still alive during all of this. As the thoughts pushed, collided, and broke apart against one another, he stared at the blood that clung to her clear glass. Whiskey and blood. That’s all he should have stayed as. His eyes traveled across her face. “Erin, you’re….You’re sayin’ all this shit elbow deep in a fuckin’ corpse that I brought for you,” he said after staying silent, his brows furrowed as he looked at her with dark eyes. “Same as before. It ain’t good and it ain’t evil. It’s just fucked. That’s all it is. It’s what I do and…” He pulled back, pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek. His breath felt heavier yet light. Felt like it came quicker, but he wasn’t in a fight. He breathed in long and deep through his nose, shut his eyes for a moment. Her question prompted him to pour himself another glass, just as shallow as the one before it, and open his eyes again. She asked him a question that he had no obligation to answer. He had no obligation to any of them. And yet… “No,” he said, still not taking that drink. Whether it was his own conviction or the one beaten into him, he didn’t falter. Much. “I wouldn’t…” The empty fist at his side clenched. It was the town. The town pried open his iron mouth, his caged up chest, and forced him to speak. His voice rasped along the basement walls. “This is what I do. It’s what I know and I’m good at it. That’s the real shit part, y’know? I’m good at somethin’ and it’s this.” He couldn’t give that up and that realization, that slam against his head, finally had him drinking.

Every part of him was resisting. Erin could see it before he even spoke. Something fired up in her, somewhere deep in her gut and she pushed back. “Yeah, a corpse you brought to me. Because this is what I do too. But I can—I’m trying to remember this isn’t who I am,” she argued, frustration seeping through weary cracks. “What other choice do we have?” That muddy stain on the floor felt like it was screaming at her. Fucked. God, that description felt more appropriate the longer it simmered. She set the scalpel down and moved from around the table, abandoning any thoughts of finishing the extraction right now. “Okay, okay, fine. I get that,” she nodded. It wasn’t her place to dig or judge how he lived when there was a refrigerator of human organs just behind them. That wasn’t the point though—she didn’t care what he did. Jesus, wasn’t that obvious by now? “Good, bad, fucked—whatever.” She pointed a bloody glove at the stain, a surge of certainty taking over where precaution should have prevailed. “But that mess is what happens when you give up and give into it. I don’t want that and you sure as hell shouldn’t accept that either.”

Nicodemus started some where he stood. He didn't open his mouth to argue against her because she was right. The hand he clenched into a fist pulsed, slowly. He was the source of his own stress and yet he could try to will it away all the same. It felt wrong to find her beautiful in that moment and he hated himself for it, as confused and silently bewildered as he was looking at her. "I can get rid of your boss." His voice strained as he said it, trying to find that humor from before. They were in too deep for that and beneath it all, it was muffled. She came around close to him and he rooted himself to the floor, fighting every piece of him that had him wanting to go for the same door he had walked in. He had been so damn rootless before. Now he had too many. He swallowed his thoughts down as he looked at Erin, ferocious and refusing to accept the hand she had been dealt. And where he was resolute, she refused to accept that too. Whether to laugh or run, he didn't know. Both nervous responses. He did neither, rather braved the smallest step forward, spoke to her with a low, quiet voice. "What the hell happened, Erin?" His gaze moved from the blood spot to her eyes. "What are we doin'?"

He was starkly silent again. It was suffocating this time. Erin’s heart pounded while she waited for him to bolt, or yell. Demolish a glass with his bare hands again if she’d pushed down too hard on a nerve. Something. Those things she was prepared for. The way he was looking at her right now? Not that. Wasn’t at all prepared for the way it disarmed her so quickly either. “Don’t be an idiot,” she shook her head at his offer, letting out a long breath she hadn’t realized she’d been keeping in. What had happened? They’d gone from their usual banter to arguing to this in the blink of an eye. But she didn’t move. Didn't flinch or break eye contact, feeling like she was finally allowed to look at something she’d been wanting to for a long time now. “I don’t know,” she answered honestly, much of her previous gusto gone. But fuck, was she ever tired of thinking about it. Tired of holding back. Wasn’t in her nature to do so anyway, and it felt like that part of herself was fighting to tooth and nail to be released. And she did. Fuck it. She wanted this. She peeled the gloves off, dropping them to the ground, eyes falling to his lips. It was the only real sign she gave him before she took that last step forward. Hands brushing against prickly skin as they cupped his jaw, pulling his lips down to hers. Slowly at first, testing the waters, but sure. More sure than she’d been about anything a long time.

“Idiot, yeah. Dumbass sounds right too.” Nicodemus huffed. A capable dumbass. Or at least, he thought he was. Much rather talk about being a dumbass than any possible moral responsibility or self-respect he should have. But then she was looking at him and he wasn’t thinking about himself at all. His thoughts stayed confined to the space between them that grew smaller with each breath. Watching her take her gloves off probably shouldn’t have stirred something in him, but it did and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. He froze as her hands touched his face and he waited for the bait and switch. He didn’t wait long. He didn’t need to. It never came. For all the death she touched, her hands felt warm against his skin. Her lips against his did too. Fuck, he was tired of being frigid. Maybe Erin was too. Maybe, for a minute or an hour, that could be enough. With a crash, the glass in his hand fell to the basement floor as one hand pressed lightly against the side of her neck, his thumb against her jawline. The other came to tentatively hover over the small of her back as he leaned into her. The hunter moved with no expectation, matched the pace she set. A small, quiet groan hovered in his chest as he pulled away for a breath to look at her. “Is this...Fuck, is this okay?”

Erin heard the glass shatter beside them but hardly flinched. Didn’t think about much of anything outside of how gentle his hands and his lips felt as he kissed her back, pulled her closer. Surprised her only a little with that, considering how hard he projected that rough outer shell of his. She was already breathing harder when he pulled away. Was this okay? It felt more than okay, she wanted to say, slipping one hand down his chest. Felt good. Really good. She pulled nervously at the fabric of his shirt while she nodded. “Yeah,” was the only word she could manage. Her other hand found the back of his neck to pull him forward again. Couldn’t stop herself when she kissed him again, this time with more confidence. Didn’t want to stop, if she was being honest. That was an overwhelming new feeling sitting tightly on her chest. Fuck. She reared her head back suddenly, biting her lip. “This is okay with you too, right?” She asked in turn, realizing she hadn’t even bothered to give him a chance to speak. Her nails gently scratched the back of his head through the short hair there. “We can—we can definitely stop. If you want,” she nodded, though her eyes remained on his lips until she had the better sense to meet his again.

His breath came out as a quiet, shuddered mess as they separated. Nicodemus could feel his heart hammering under her hand. Felt surprisingly vulnerable. She was close enough to slip a knife into his belly. But he wasn’t in a fight, this wasn’t survival. Maybe, for a minute, it was living. Whatever the fuck that even meant. The hand on her neck slipped further back, the pads of his fingers absently circling the skin at her nape. She pulled him in again and that time, he braved pressing her in closer to him. He forgot about the blood underneath them or the blood on the table. It wouldn’t be going anywhere. The longer they kissed, the more he lost any stoicism. He became fluid, became like a slow fire. He pulled away for a second to look at her, at the same time she did, and made no effort to move. In answer to her question, he found her mouth again with his and gently, barely nipped at her bottom lip. Then, he pulled back again. He closed his eyes. Took in a long, slightly shaky breath. In spite of it all, a nervous smirk appeared. “I don’t--” The anxiety gathered in his throat and he swallowed it. He lifted his hand from her back and lifted her chin slightly with it, tried to find her eyes with his own. “I don’t got any expectations, Erin,” he said, voice a low thunder rumble. “I’ll follow your lead, alright? Tell me to go and I will. Tell me to stay and I will. I’d...I’d want to. If you did.”

The pause that lingered before his answer weighed heavily on her and for a moment, Erin was confident she’d fucked up. That some invisible line had been crossed and that he’d pack up and run out of there. Right out of town, if he wanted. There was nothing keeping him here, no obligation--not even their mutual employer. Said so himself. But that wasn’t what she saw in his eyes. Just a gentle fear, one that washed over her, dousing those thoughts. Softened her resolve--what little was left of it, anyway. Her hand moved from his chest to cover his own, holding it against her cheek. “Then stay,” she answered, a warmer smile tugging at the corner of her lips despite the way her voice shook just slightly. “I want you to stay.” Final answer. She started to move in closer to him again when the glass crunched under her boot. Blinked, glanced around to where they were. The body cut open on the table next to them, the others in the wall of coolers opposite them. A deep, nervous laugh shook her. Jesus. She turned her head to kiss the palm of his hand, holding it as she let their hands drop down. But she didn’t let his go, tugging him towards her as she moved backwards to the stairs. “Just--not here, specifically?” She quirked a brow, trying to inject some lightness back into the moment.

Nicodemus had been so ready for her to give him the word, tell him to go, that when she did anything but, he was momentarily stunned stupid. Reduced to mere blinking before he got his shit together. Her words and hands said the exact same thing. If he looked for deception, he would come up empty. A boyish smile, one that lifted a few years off him, came to life. And at the crack of glass, broke into a snorted laugh as he came to the same realization she did. The tension, the nervousness, broke into a laugh and he dipped his head to laugh into the skin of her. For a night, it’d feel good to just laugh. He could allow himself that, if only for a moment. “Yeah,” he said, lips against her neck before he stood up again and looked at her. It was hard to stop smiling, even with the heat that overwhelmed any cold he might have felt. The chill lingered in him but he ignored it. “Better not to have an audience, huh?” He followed close behind her, fingers trailing up her palm and around her slim wrist then back again. “I’m followin’. Sure as shit ain’t goin’ anywhere now.”

#wickedswriting #only if for a night #chatzy #chatzy: nic #//these two dumbasses finally did it you guys #also #there's a chatzy coming to explain where erin's dad went #and the blood puddle #dw it's fine #timelines don't exist

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