#but yeah like 90% of my friends and acquaintances do not speak to their families

[lindwurmkai]

hmm. i'm sorry to hear it's such a common experience - i don't know if you saw my tag, but i avoided most problems relating to extended family by just not having an extended family, which had its own negative consequences but obviously none as severe.

i have mostly met two kinds of people with families like this: those where the parents themselves weren't any better, and those where the parents did cut off contact with the abusive relatives. i also know plenty of people my age who don't have children of their own and simply cut off contact for their own mental health. the idea that so many people would choose to or be forced by circumstances to endure it, even when children are in the picture, seemed unlikely to me but perhaps there really is a difference between countries here??

"I would rather teach my children to lie to everyone as a general rule of safety, and then teach them which individuals is safe to be honest around, than to have them have to experience what I and many of my friends have lived through without any sort of guidance on how you're expected to behave."

that is understandable. i think we have misunderstood each other slightly because to me, the scenario described above with the game very much resembles what i have perceived as a "lack of guidance on how you're expected to behave" in my own life - i would be presented with nonsensical and even contradictory rules ("lying is wrong" vs. "saying the truth in this particular situation is also wrong"), be reprimanded for objecting to or even questioning those rules, have eyes rolled at me if i expressed confusion etc.

the idea of yet another rule being introduced through a game without calling it what it was seemed manipulative to me in such an insidious way that i literally broke down sobbing after reading the post, just from imagining the long-term consequences as the child grows older. manipulation is the main form of abuse i have experienced, and at the same time i was constantly accused of lying. sometimes it feels like i spent my entire childhood trying to prove i wasn't lying 24/7. so if someone had started teaching me to lie in one particular situation through a game without thoroughly explaining that it was ok instead of a horrible offense for once, i think i would have simply exploded on the spot.

the way you've put it, it sounds like it would come with an explanation. that's fine! all i ever wanted was explanations and for adults to actually answer my questions instead of cheerfully ignoring me or telling me to "stop playing stupid" (more supposed lying).

i'm really sorry about this, and thank you for responding patiently. i don't know how to describe the difference between the scenarios we each imagined. your version sounded to me like parent and child united against the world as co-conspirators (sad that it's necessary, but a good solution), whereas the previous posts sounded like yet more bullshit cryptic instructions packaged as a fun game.

on reread, "we discussed how we would leave that part out for our more sensitive audiences" does suggest a certain amount of explanation and focus on the "sensitive audiences" as a problem to be dealt with. i was too taken aback by the concept of a child expressing their feelings being characterised as "the wrong answer" because that is what has been happening to me all my life - i express my feelings, it's the wrong answer. even as an adult it still happens in therapy. "no, your problem is the opposite of what you think it is."

like ... it's not the wrong answer. it's the relatives who are wrong. but apparently there is a whole shared culture of people who are so used to this that they accept it as a given and think everyone's on the same page about a certain percentage of extended family just being abusive by default, which is horrifying in a whole new way. if it's an US thing, i'm so sorry. i barely know anyone who's still in contact with their biological family tbh, so it's not like i thought abuse was rare, but?? well, they all left.

"Look at this video of a child disappointed at their expensive gift! Children are so spoiled these days!"

That's cool. So, why did their parents upload their small child being upset online? In a public video, shared to the entire video? Why did they even save the recording?

Like. The kid in that scenario could be saying the most entitled nonsense in the world, and if their parents post it online to be publicly shamed, I'd still support the kid 100%. Thinking your child's life is a toy to exploit freely for #content is "spoiled"; when faced with mommy vlogers, kids should be demanding three PS5s and a new Bugatti, and we should be applauding them for it

[norcumii]

...oh thanks, Tumblr, it wasn’t like I was trying to answer that ask or anything. -_-

OHKAY. Take two! For this trope mashup meme, @dogmatix asked:

Rex/Obi or pairing/characters of choice - Apocalyse AU / Mermaid/Siren AU / Aroused by their voice

This modern!AU got a liiiiiittle bit more absurdist than planned, but NO REGRETS. Assistance was provided by @dharmaavocado and @deadcatwithaflamethrower -- THANK YOU BOTH!

*****

There was a lovely breeze coming in across the ocean, the sky had just enough puffy white clouds to keep things interesting, and Rex was taking a maintenance day. The last family group of tourists to charter a day trip had included several children that were at least two parts sticky and three parts grime. His poor Vigilance needed a serious scrub down, and Rex was not looking forward to restocking. Small Grubby Fiend 1 had stumbled – supposedly due to a sudden swell, but more likely because Small Grubby Fiends 2 and 3 hadn’t stopped ‘not kicking’ each other for way too long. Not being an entire idiot, Rex has gone right for the band-aids with cartoon characters, but since it wasn’t a cartoon Small Grubby Fiend 1 liked, that meant another – until all three Small Grubby Fiends had been plastered with far more of his first aid kit than was good for anyone.

It had been a long day.

So there he was, untangling life-vests that hadn’t even been used, while singing along with whatever music was playing from the boat’s speakers. Rex wasn’t sure if the music was pop, rock, or some other unholy category he’d never heard of, but thankfully it didn’t matter. He liked it, and could figure out which of Tup’s mix tapes it was on, which was the important thing.

Tup always made hilarious offended noises when Rex called them mix tapes, which was a significant reason why he did so. They were music folders, sensibly labeled by mood, because his little brother had realized at some point that was the only way to keep Rex up to date on anything past the 90’s grunge music.

Tup’s accusation, not his. Rex damn well knew how to use a radio – several kinds of radio, thank you very much.

He was several songs into mind-numbing chores when he spotted a flash of red streaking under the dock, and Rex ducked his head to hide a grin. He’d started spotting movement like that a couple of weeks ago, around the time the neighbors descended on their beach house. There were several ginger teenagers, so he figured one of them was a hell of a water rat who had damn odd taste in music.

To be fair, so did he.

It’d been weird at first, realizing he had an audience that disappeared the moment he acknowledged their existence. But the most he heard or saw out of them beyond the momentary glimpse was a bit of percussion, someone drumming in time against the water – and once, the dock itself – so Rex had shrugged and accepted their presence. It was kinda nice, actually, just to have someone around. He lived a ways off the end of a long, sparsely populated road, and while he didn’t mind the solitude, sometimes you just wanted another–

Rex’s train of thought went off the rails with a loud yelp as he discovered something slimy stuck to the back of a life-vest. It might have been edible once – it was a shade of radioactive green he didn’t associate with anything other than candy or video games, at least, so that was his best guess. Much as he wanted to blame the Small Grubby Fiends, he hadn’t done more than a spot check of these vests for awhile – could’ve been anyone.

Ugh. At least unlike some clients he could name, Rex’s eavesdropper wasn’t vandalizing anything. Wasn’t about to begrudge that.

Rex had managed to get most of the neon green grossness cleared when the rumble of an approaching car caught his attention. He wasn’t expecting visitors, not that that had ever stopped any of his brothers. Lost delivery drivers usually turned around before hitting up the driveway, which was long enough and had enough private property signs to keep out idiots looking for easy water access.

“Who the hell is this?” he muttered, setting the vest aside. He didn’t recognize the little black car, or the burly guy stepping out of the passenger’s side, but the guy waved and casually started towards Rex as if he knew who the hell he was.

Not reassuring, especially since the stranger rapped the car’s roof, and it headed back up the driveway.

“You seem lost,” Rex said, standing up and trying to look just the right level of intimidating.

“Nope,” the guy said back, still heading towards him. “Need your boat.”

“That’s work related – you need to wait till I’m back at the marina tomorrow. I’m at home, it’s my day off.”

Burly guy finally stopped, planting his hands on his hips – a move which just happened to part the jacket of his cheap suit enough that Rex could see the gun he carried. “I don’t think you understand, Mr. Fett. I don't want any trouble – I just want you to head inside, and take that day off while I borrow your boat.”

Oh, FUCK. Nobody really talked about how the mob owned most of the marinas in Tatooine Bay, but you didn’t need to declare water was wet to get drenched in the rain. It just wasn’t something that ever happened to someone you knew, just friends of friends or something.

“And if I don’t agree?” he couldn’t keep from asking.

Burly Guy had a surprisingly expressive shrug. “Most people don’t enjoy pushing their luck that far.”

To his credit, it was a remarkably polite threat. “I’m surprised anyone ever does.”

“Eh, every now and then there’s some freaky masochist looking for cheap thrills, but it ain’t my kink. Don’t think it’s yours, either, so if you’d just head inside, that’d be appreciated.”

The smart move was probably to comply. Rex wasn’t inclined to cooperate anyways. He was saved from making either bad decision by...sound.

It didn’t register as singing – there was something too off about it, a combination that wasn’t quite autotune, or that polyphonic singing Echo had gotten into when Fives got obsessed with the guitar. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t right in a way that was madly distracting.

The...singing? – pulled both Rex and the goon around towards the end of the dock, and if Rex hadn’t been so muzzy-headed from that sound he would have been gaping much more blatantly.

There was someone slipping out from under the dock, and it was most definitely not one of the neighbors.

It was a trim, shirtless figure in the water – ginger indeed, short red hair just dry enough to be messy spikes. Pale skin was freckled in scales of shimmering reds, protective lines over what would be vulnerable areas on a human. It swam close enough to the surface that Rex could see the sleek fins and tail, and part of his brain kept screaming ‘mermaid!’ while the rest took in the long, sharp claws on webbed hands and whispered ‘predator.’ Its singing showed sharply pointed teeth, and it should not have been nearly that gorgeous.

The mermaid glanced over at him, eyes a deep blue-on-blue that could never masquerade as human, flicking a look up and down him that could have been flattering or terrifying – it all depended on if that was measuring him for a meal euphemistically or not.

The singing changed as the creature turned its attention back to the goon, and the magnetic pull on Rex lessened. He staggered back a step, not too surprised to find he was halfway down the dock without noticing. The hazy feeling in his brain stopped, or at least dropped down to levels that were close enough to normal, so he got a clear view as the goon started walking into the water, oblivious to everything except the mer-siren-thing he was shambling towards.

The siren moved when the goon was almost waist deep in the water, flowing forward to delicately place a hand at the goon’s throat. The singing continued, but now there was a new undertone, soft and somehow questioning. Rex couldn’t tell if there were words to it or not – maybe a whole other language for all he knew – but the goon responded, voice soft enough that he couldn’t make out what was said.

Whatever he said, it didn’t please the siren. It kept singing, but it snarled, showing more of those pointed teeth, then it twisted and dove, hauling the unresisting goon under the water.

A terrifying few moments more, and the last hums of the song seemed to stop vibrating through the water.

“What the absolute fuck?” Rex said numbly. Thank everything, no one answered.

A smart man would’ve hidden inside, or driven off to a movie theater or something – inland and away. Rex wasn’t sure why he stayed: curiosity – morbid or otherwise – shock, or a healthy disbelief in the whole debacle. He was maybe a bit too numb to not have some kind of shock, but –

He felt like he maybe deserved it. “Yeah, I can have a bit of shock,” Rex muttered to himself. “As a treat.”

Okay, he might have more than a bit. But by the time the siren poked his head out of the water again – politely out of arms’ reach – Rex had calmed down a decent degree. They just looked at each other for a bit, then the siren gave him a polite nod.

“Hello there,” he said in a pleasant, deep voice with a hell of an accent.

Rex held up a hand, needing a moment. Of fucking course the British even colonized under the goddamned sea. “Hi. You speak English.” It wasn’t quite the most inane thing he could’ve said, but his brain hadn’t managed to catch up yet.

He was talking to a goddamned mermaid who had just kidnapped and possibly eaten some mob thug who’d been trying to take Rex’s boat. It had been a day.

“You’re not the first land-dweller I’ve made the acquaintance of.”

Rex absolutely refused to make any kind of a crack about being charmed. There was too much hysteria lurking in there. “Speaking of acquaintances, you didn’t, ah, kill that guy, did you?”

The siren’s lips pulled back from his teeth a little. “I still haven’t decided what to do with him, so right now he’s out of the way.” He must’ve seen something impressive in Rex’s expression, because the angry disdain smoothed over to something more neutral. “He’s stashed in a cave I know. Enough air to breathe, but the only entrance is underwater and too far for most humans to swim without assistance.”

That was...a lot. “Thanks for the help.”

The siren smiled, an oddly sweet, bashful expression. “I’d be a very poor guest if I didn’t assist.” He cleared his throat, his expression going awkward. “Though I...suppose ‘guest’ is a bit presumptive.”

Rex grinned. “No, I spotted you a couple weeks ago – ah, I mean, sort of.” Before he could make more a hash of that, he cleared his throat. “The name’s Rex.”

The siren folded his hands together and did a little bow thing. “Obi-Wan. Pleasure to meet you.”

He wasn’t blushing. He absolutely was not blushing. “So...you in town for long?” Ok, now he was blushing, that was worst subject change ever meeting worst fishing attempt – meeting worst and wildly inappropriate pun.

Obi-Wan’s expression fell, sorrow way too visible in those non-human eyes. “I suppose you could say that. I...no longer have a home to return to.”

Definitely not a topic to change to. Right. Rex cleared his throat and shifted. “Well. You’re welcome anytime, for what that’s worth.”

The slow-growing smile didn’t remove that sorrow, but it did kindle something warm inside. This was at least three different kinds of trouble, but Rex didn’t think he’d regret any of it.

~end

[guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom]

Hell and Back Pt. 2

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader 

Peter Parker x villain!reader 

Warnings: Language, hospital mentions, mentions of drug abuse, allusions to suicide, allusion to self harm, self deprecating thoughts, a gun, mentions of knives, mentions of the dead, anxiety, signs of abuse, abusive and toxic relationships, and fainting.

Word Count: 6.1k 

Songs: Pleaser-Wallows, 505-Artic Monkeys, Sweater Weather- The Neighborhood, Daddy Issues- The Neighborhood, Paper Planes- M.I.A, We come running- Youngblood Hawke, Young dumb and broke- Khalid, Do I wanna know- Artic Monkeys, Break the Rules- Charli XCX

“I smiled, I know as much as we get into petty arguments or try to annoy each other on purpose but I’d go to hell and back for those girls. And that’s exactly what I was going to do.” 

A/N: There might be some typos and grammatical errors sorry for those, I you want to be added to the Taglist just message me about or comment it. I’ll have a google form for it soon. 

Series Masterlist   Previous Part   Next Part

When I saw my little sisters, that all went away. Sure I still called them a lot but nothing could compare to actually seeing them in person. Sapphire launched herself into my arms and I stumbled back a bit.

“I missed you too,” I said.

I hugged Aaliyah too. When I entered the apartment I heard voices. My dad’s and some feminine voice. 

I walked in to find some woman who couldn't be older than 25 in my kitchen. Talking and laughing with my dad. I didn’t want to assume anything or start a scene so I just went into my room to catch up with my sisters. 

We were talking about some kid who gave me a DMT pen once and I was tripping balls which I probably shouldn’t be talking about, but I want them to feel comfortable enough to come to me. Makes it easier to keep them safe. 

Our dad opened the door and hung in the doorway.

“Hey… Y/N do you mind coming here for a sec?”

“Yeah sure…” 

I stepped out of the room. 

“Is something wrong?” It wasn’t often that he initiated a conversation that would end positively.

“No,no, not at all, I just want you to meet someone,” 

When I entered the kitchen the same woman from before was still there. My dad walked over to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. 

“This is my girlfriend, Camilla” 

I knew it . I knew it! I was trying not to be hostile toward her every problem I had was towards my dad so I smiled and waved to her.

“Camilla this is Y/N,” he pointed to me. 

“Well I’ll let y’all get acquainted,” He said before leaving the room.

I sat on the kitchen island and waited for her to say something first. 

“Look, I would just like to put it out there that I’m not trying to replace your mom in anyway.”

“Thanks I appreciate it,” 

“Also, are you okay now?” She asked in a low voice.

“Huh?” I questioned.

“Your dad said you ran away,” Of course he did “and I saw the news with your school at the Washington Monument.” So I guess she knew more about me then expected. Not surprised she was the one to ask me and not my so called dad.  

“Thanks for your concern but I’m fine, and sorry to cut this conversation short but I’m drained.” 

“Oh, okay, have a nice night,” 

“You, too,” 

I didn’t have time to think about anything. I just made it back to my room and face planted onto my bed. My whole being was sore including my brain. I didn’t have the energy to change my clothes, to shower, to think about my dad being a pathological liar or anything else that happened today.

I was awoken by my dad. I didn't know how long I slept but the sun was out. I can’t remember the last time I was able to sleep while the sun was up. 

“Hey we’re going out, for family bonding and I want you there with us,”

Family.

We ain’t ever been a family before why start now. Is what I really wanted to say but I sucked it up because again I hadn’t seen my sisters in a while. 

The movie was really boring. If we’re being honest. 

I pulled Aaliyah and Sapphire aside as my dad and Camilla were deep in conversation. 

“You know how I was staying at Wade’s house right?” 

They both nodded.

“What did dad tell you about this,” 

Sapphire just shrugged and Aaliyah was the one to post.

“I dunno he didn’t say much like usual he just kinda said you just left,” 

I felt my jaw tightening as I processed her words, my fist clenching by my side. 

“Oh, oh okay,” I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth a couple times “Well I just want you to know I’d never leave y’all without a very good reason, and I never won’t come back,” 

By the time we got back to the house it was around twelve since we watched another movie and went to a restaurant. Then got ice cream. This is the most money my dad could’ve possibly spent on me in a long time. I mean he didn’t because I didn’t get anything and bought my own ticket. I didn’t want him to be able to use the fact he bought me stuff against me. I’d gotten tired of the “after I’ll I’ve done for you,” excuse. 

I couldn’t sleep. No matter what I tried I couldn’t sleep. I tried NyQuil, melatonin, and even tea. The tea really did more harm than good. 

This was an extremely stupid thing to do so don’t follow my lead but I was bored. 

I grabbed a lot of useless shit from the floor of my room and made my way to the roof. I poured hand sanitizer on it and set it on fire. Putting aside the fact that it was really weird the fire was oddly beautiful. I sat there watching it for a minute before stomping it out. 

I was going to text my friend Carmen but I realized she was supposed to be asleep and I didn’t want to get her in trouble. 

I ended up scrolling through Zillow for a while then that turned into me applying for like four jobs. In which turned into me making spamming multiple friends saying we needed to hang out.

While I was on Zillow there was a relatively cheap apartment in Queens. Which was close to my school. It kept drawing me in for some reason. I bookmarked the tab.

Before I knew it the sun was up. I figured if I couldn’t sleep I would go on a walk to the park. 

When I got back to the complex everyone was still asleep except my dad who walked outside like he was waiting on me. He grabbed my arm, squeezing it tightly. 

He basically told me I looked like a prostitute. I was running so my sports bra and leggings were actually pretty appropriate. He said that I was probably going out to fuck people and that’s where I always was. I opened my mouth to defend myself.

“Actually I was just going to the-“ I was cut off by a sharp sting on my cheek. 

He fucking slapped me. Hard at that. He then grabbed my arm even tighter than before dragging me into the house.

 I don’t know what hurt worse my face or that fact that I wouldn’t be able to blame him being drunk on all the times he’d hit me before. He was just an ass.

  By the time I made it back to my room it felt like my body was burning itself from the inside out. My face was red and so was my arm from my elbow to almost my wrist. To try to cool myself down I took a cold shower and took some Tylenol. 

I still couldn’t sleep but tonight it was because it was so hot. I really needed a fan in my room. It was already 6 so I just decided to get a head start at the school. Not without taking pictures of my bruises before covering them with green concealer and foundation. I wore a hoodie for good measure. 

I felt dizzy and decided it was probably best not to skate at the moment and I’m 90% sure I fell asleep on the subway.  Apparently we had an art project due which I had no idea existed in the first place so I wasn’t going to that class today. Even though I did truly love Ms. Kramer. I was just gonna skip and go to Bri’s class. Which just happened to be chemistry. 

I wasn’t surprised Mr. Cobwell asked no question when I walked in. I ate lunch in his class a couple times, he was chill. He continued on talking about Quantum Theory. 

I made Flash move from his seat next to Bri which he immediately did. I guess he was scared of me now. 

“Hey,” I said, placing my non bruised side of my face on the desk.

“Hey,” She whispered back. “What class are you supposed to be in?” 

“Art,” 

“Why are you there? You love art,” 

“I’m not feeling it today,” 

“Alright,” she nodded.

“Lemme use your AirPods,” 

She reached into her bag handing them over going back to taking notes. That didn’t last long.

“What ya watching?” She asked.

“Bad Girls Club,” I smiled knowing she liked this show. 

“What season?” 

“7,” I whispered because now I felt too weak to waste my energy on speaking. I placed the phone on my lap and she took the other AirPod and before I knew I class was over with Tasha throwing trash everywhere.

I figured I was feeling sick because my blood sugar was low or something so I drank some Apple juice at lunch and called it a day.

Now time for Physics. I hate physics. Why would science ever require so much math? 

It was so hot. Like on the face of the sun, hot but I couldn’t take my hoodie off because I felt like I’d sweat my foundation off. 

“Are you okay?” Peter asked me “You look pale,” I swear if he doesn’t learn to mind his business.

“I’m fine,” I told him, not sure if I was trying to convince him or myself, I gestured to his notebook. “Do your work,” 

“Alright fine,” he said reluctantly, glancing at me once before getting back to writing whatever we were supposed to be doing down.

 I pulled my hoodie back over my head and sat up in my seat about to try to do my work again. But it was so hot and I was so dizzy that I couldn’t focus.

The world began to swirl and I knew the switch in my brain was going to flip off. I just didn’t have time or enough energy to tell anyone. 

When I woke up I was in a bed in the nurse's office and the first thing I noticed was I didn’t have my hoodie. Shit. I used to make fun of people for passing out because how does your own body clock out on you? Until it started happening to me like last year. 

I went into the bathroom and sure enough the giant bruise on my cheek and arm were kinda visible. 

Again shit.

I patted my forehead with a cold paper towel because the nurse’s bathroom actually had paper towels unlike all the others, before the nurse came back. 

“Hello, Are you feeling okay?” 

I nodded. She smiled down at me before giving me water and checking my temperature. 

“You have a fever,” she said after looking down at the thermometer “We called dad to come and pick you up but we got no answer. Is there anyone else that can come and take you?” 

I shook my head, not trusting my voice. 

I drank some more of the water before speaking up. 

“I have a friend who’s at this school she could maybe drop me off?” 

“I’m not sure if that’s allowed,” she said. 

“You know what? Go back to class, get your friend and come right back.”

I pushed off the bed and headed out of the nurses office surprised to find Peter sitting on the bench outside it. 

“Are you okay?” He asked me again 

“Yes I’m okay” I nodded. Apparently I wasn’t as okay as I thought because I almost tripped over my leg trying to move. But Peter immediately reached his hand out to stabilize me. And I don’t know why that made me as angry as it was but I said “I don’t need you to help,” harsher than I need to. 

“Sorry,” I said calmly almost immediately after. 

“It’s okay,” He said scratching the back of his neck.

“If you don’t mind me asking where’d these bruises come from,” 

“I fell,” was all I said. He looked skeptical but that was all he was going to get, I didn’t need CPS all up in my business. That’s also payback for him lying to me about “cat scratches”. 

“Can you do me a favor?” I asked.

“Yeah, anything,” he said. 

“Can you go get Briana from Mr. Dell’s class for me?” 

“Yeah I’ll be right back,” he said before sprinting down the hallway. I giggled at his giddiness. It was still extremely hot everywhere my body was tingling. 

Bri ran towards me 

“Oh my god are you okay,” 

“I’m fine, I just need you to talk to the nurse with me real quick,” 

She apparently didn’t have her car with her today so she was a no go. 

“I’m sorry girl,” she said, pulling me into a hug. 

“It’s okay, go back to class now,” I said.

“Alright feel better,”

I walked back out of the office to find none other than Peter still waiting there.

“So what happened?” He asked.

“Looks like I’m walking home,” I smiled sarcastically. “Yay,”

“I can walk you home,”

“No, thank you” 

“I insist,” I laughed again 

“I still think that word is funny,” I said.

“Okay, now let me walk you home,” 

We were walking in no general direction. No one but MJ and Bri know my address and  I’d like  to keep it that way. 

“Wait, you need food,” He claimed.

We ended up at this place called Delmar’s Deli. I’d passed it a couple times while walking home and during my less legal “hobby”. I really wasn’t hungry at all. I took all of like two bites from my sandwich claiming I’d take it to go before throwing it away. It wasn’t bad, it was quite good, actually I just wasn’t hungry. 

“My aunt is a nurse at an emergency room, she can check you out,” I hate anything that's anything like a hospital at all brings terrible memories, but I didn’t want him to know where I lived so I agreed. I’d ditch him then.  

It took us a while to get there but by the time we did I had to stop and catch my breath. He offered to walk me home and got me food. What a Spiderman thing to do. I’d say I had much solid proof to go on by now.  

“Peter!” The gorgeous brunette woman came over to the waiting room “What are you doing here don’t you have school?” 

“Yeah but my friend-“ When her eyes ghosted over to my face she cut herself off. “Oh my God are you okay,” she referred to my bruises “What happened to you?” 

“Did Flash do this to her?” She asked Peter and I had to stifle a laugh at that. I wish he would try to lay a finger on me. 

“No, she just told me she fell, we’re here cause she fainted and I don’t know if the school nurse is very capable of actually helping,” 

Is this a new thing Peter just decides to randomly worry about me for no good reason and forces me into taking care of myself. Because I hate it. 

“Oh, ok,” She nodded her head. “Grab one of those questionnaires over there,” She pointed to the sign in table. “Are your parents going to come too?” She asked and I shook my head. 

She and Peter moved over to the side and started talking about something I had no interest in. I grabbed the questionnaire and sat on the edge of the closest seat.  

1. What’s your age?

That’s easy 15.

2. Specify your race 

African American of course.

3. Select your highest level of education

Some high school

4. What’s your marital status? 

Single never married. Unless you count that un-ordained wedding I once had.

5. Specify your employment status

A student. 

6. Have you ever been treated in an emergency room (specify age)? 

Yes, as a child. 

7. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital? If yes, do you remember why?

Okay wow. Yes. 

I sat on the cold bathroom floor, vision blurry from tears forming in my eyes. 

“Y/N, you okay in there?” I heard my brother ask after lightly rapping his fingers on the door. 

“Yeah, I’m okay!” 

No I wasn’t. I wasn’t okay at all. In fact I was the farthest thing from okay. I glanced down at my thighs, you could see cuts from the night before and scars peeking out from underneath my shorts. I was sobbing at this point. 

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure if it was for myself or to everyone I knew I’d hurt by this. I already had the headache. I was just waiting for the rest of the pills to kick in. 

I was holding onto the sink for support when the left side of my body started to feel tingly. The whole situation felt hazy. I was shaking hard before I fell, taking almost everything on the sink with me. 

My head hit the bathmat and I could feel my heart slowing and hear my breath become shallow. I heard the doorknob jingle and that was the last thing before a feeling of true bliss and peace took over my body. 

I could hear screams and sirens and I knew I was in an ambulance. Slowly I awoke with wires all over my body and an IV in my wrist. My limbs were dead weight, I couldn’t move. 

A single tear fell from my eye alerting me off my surroundings. I quickly came back to myself. I made up the excuse of a family emergency and left.

I ended up halfway across the city. Then in Brooklyn visiting a friend. 

I knocked on the window of Aaron’s apartment. I could see Miles sitting on the couch.

“How’ve things been over here?” I asked once I was settled on the couch as well. 

“Uh, pretty tame, and you?” 

“There was that whole elevator stunt and I almost fucking died which was fun.” 

“Forgot you never take anything seriously,” He rolled his eyes. 

I laughed in response “Well one of us has got to be fun for us since it’s clearly not you,” 

“In celebration of me not dying I’m making sundaes,” 

“Alright,” He said leaning back on the couch. 

“Hey uh, When’s Aaron coming back?” I asked, getting the whipped cream out of the fridge.

“I’m not sure,” 

This is actually like really fucking dangerous. Like it could kill me. It’s just I was already in pain and had a headache. I also wasn’t thinking. I’d already made the sundaes. I turned around so Miles couldn’t see what I was doing before I- Okay I’m not going to do this. Get it together God you’re acting like an addict. The amount of people who’ve died from inhalants were insane. There it is again death. 

“Drawn anything new lately?” I asked, wanting to get my mind off of the topic of death that seemed to be plaguing my brain lately.  

“Some small sketches,”

I got the text that’d I been waiting for. I’d been talking to Aaron for the past few days. I’m not sure how Miles would feel about that. So I haven’t said anything. 

But I got the text. 

Staten Island Ferry 3pm

I immediately popped up from the couch.

“I have to go like right now, it’s an emergency,” 

I sprinted towards the door almost running into the punching bag in front of me. 

“Y/N-“ 

It’d been a week and things were looking up. I had a great day yesterday without the use of any drug. But nothing good ever lasts too long. I didn’t have to worry about that now. What I needed to worry about, was getting Peter to stop falling on his ass. 

I tried not to laugh at him and failed. 

“It’s not funny,” he said, pulling me down with him as I reached out to pull him up. Soon he was laughing too. 

I felt a vibration in my pocket and saw that Aaron texted me. 

hey the results from the search came in.

what???? don’t play with me I’m on my way right now. 

“Uh hey I gotta go sorry,” 

“No it’s fine I probably should get home too,” He pushed off the ground reaching down for me. 

“Do you wanna do this again tomorrow?” He asked a hopeful glint in his eye once we were both on our feet.

“Yeah sounds nice,” I smiled.

“Okay,” He nodded.

“Okay,” I echoed heading off. 

Ned was being fucking stupid.

“NO!” I slammed my hands down on the table “You don’t stab anyone especially if you plan on using bleach to clean up the blood. At least use vinegar and lemon,”

“Okay, jeez,” he said reeling back, “How would you do it then?” 

Before I could say anything MJ spoke up

“You could just use a needle full of air in between their toes, Their heart would fail” 

“Orrr,” I said spinning around on top of the table towards Ned. “You could overdose them on potassium and by the time the police get there the potassium in their blood is back at a normal level,” 

“Yeah that works too,” MJ stated going back to whatever she was drawing.

“You guys scare me,” Ned muttered making me smile. 

“Where’s Peter?” I asked and Ned pointed across the room. 

There he was sitting by Liz. It was cute I knew about his little crush on her. I’m sure the whole school did. Glad it’s working out for him. However that did not stop the pain in my stomach. 

I got up from the table because suddenly I did not want to be at school anymore. 

“Where are you going?” MJ looked up at me.

I shrugged. In all honesty I had no I idea where I was going. Somehow I always end up at Wade’s house when I don’t know where I want to go. He wasn’t home but I had a key. I can’t remember if he gave it to me or I stole if we're being honest. 

Clearly I hadn’t passed by a mirror in a while because damn. I look terrible. 

My eyes were red and circled with a dark hue from lack of sleep. I still had a yellowing bruise on my cheek. I was pale. I looked to be on the verge of death. 

I looked frail, like at any second I’d just fall apart. 

It was so unfair. My bones dragged down my body. The pieces of my soul that were mined out and removed from my mind. There’s a hole leaving me forever longing and I cannot fill nor feel. Hiraeth, a beautiful word for a ugly feeling. longing for a home that I never truly had, a home in which I’d never return. I would like to drift to where my spirit lies. It’s in the eyes of you and me and everyone in between. Drifting on a small boat in the sea. Viridian. Yes! That's the place I would like to be, that's where my soul lies yes you see.

 I kept punching his punching bag over and over again. Until I was on my back on the floor begging my lungs to allow air into them with Time (Is) by Solange playing on loop. Something put it into my head that I had to kill Vulture. I’d never directly killed anyone but that was gonna change. Having people killed or knowing someone was going to kill someone and not doing anything about isn’t killing anyone in my book, but I’m sure it would be in Spidey’s

That’s literally Liz’s dad though…

Okay maybe I’d just get him locked up. Great now I gotta be a snitch. That’s new. I showered not even caring about my hair now my curls were sticking to my face. I was freezing now though. I didn’t know whether to be glad that my body wasn’t on fire anymore or be upset that I was covered in goosebumps. 

Wade’s laptop was sitting right there on his bed. I was only taking a shower but, I think I should be allowed to watch Netflix and he wouldn’t mind, I was already on his account anways. 

After like 3 episodes into this random show there was a folder that was calling to me for some reason. 

It’d be okay to take a sneak peek. I thought to myself. 

I clicked on it and it was locked. I guessed the password in like three tries. He’s really gotta up his password game. It opened to multiple folders, one with my mom's name. Okay I had to click this then. 

I opened it which opened to more folders one titled ‘In Case of My Death’. 

Okay, okay cool my mother has had a video of what to do all if she died all along. This would’ve come in handy five years ago. 

There were three videos with the names of myself and my sisters. I clicked on mine then paused it. 

Then unpaused it again. 

I couldn’t do it. Okay, yes I could. I played it again. As soon as I heard the beginning of the word “hi”. I shut the computer off. I couldn’t do this. Couldn't do it because I was weak, I couldn’t handle myself. I was stupid and weak and a fucking disappointment. Guess my dad had been right all these years. I knew there was always some truth to the words he spoke only a matter of time until I started acknowledging it. 

I don’t remember coming home to the apartment. And I definitely don’t remember writing all over the walls of my dad’s room. But I had a marker in my hands and it looked like a toddler had gone to town. 

Holy Shit 

He was actually going to murder me, in cold fucking blood.  I trashed, the living room area, his room, and then mine. I was not coming home tonight. Looks like I’d need to find a new home now. At this point that sounded like a pretty solid plan. 

I text my sisters a quick text ‘stay at grandma’s house tonight dad is going to pissed like Super Sayian mode’ before grabbing my go-bag which was: a bag of the essentials, like hygiene a couple shirts, shorts, hoodies, pants, and of course the flash drive can't forget the flash drive. 

The flash drive that’s driving me crazy. I’d yet to open it though.  I knew I was crazy because I did all this while fucking sobbing.

I wandered around for hours. Making my way to Brooklyn, Manhattan, Harlem, AND actual New York City.  

Somehow I still ended up at Olivia’s door at the end of the day. I honestly believe we were soulmates. Most people don’t know you get many soulmates in a lifetime. I think Olivia and I would be the karmic kind. A karmic relationship is meant to help you grow, but it is never meant to last—it's often playing out a bad experience from a past life. I’m guessing I hadn’t grown yet because here I was.

She opened the door after a second. I’m surprised she did because I used our special knock so I knew she knew it was me. 

“I can’t fucking do this anymore,” I screamed in her face. 

“You're the one going off and being secretive and shit, like you’re scared I’m gonna hurt you or something,” she yelled walking up the stairs. 

I followed after her, 

“Maybe you would hurt me. I don’t know you are insane,” I said, tears brimming my eyes. 

“Just because you have fucking daddy issues, doesn’t mean you have to carrying them into every part of your life,” 

“I have daddy issues?” I screamed soon turning into me choking on a laugh making an unhinged noise “Oh, I have fucking daddy issues, now? Oh, okay,” I nodded. 

“Your parents didn’t even fucking want you,” I pointed at her. “At least my mom stuck around before she died,” 

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” 

“Yeah well right back at you,” 

“You’re fucking psychotic! Literally you’re so much like your dad and you don’t even know it, You’re trying to please him and he doesn’t give two shits about you, Wake up Y/N! Wake up.” 

“I’m hard on you because I love you so much,” She claimed, but her love was suffocating. 

“Oh yeah? I asked “Well i don’t know how much more of this ’love’ I can take,” 

“Fine then,” She screamed. 

“Fine,” I said before she slammed the door in my face leaving me standing out in the cold crying. 

That wasn’t even the worse we’d said to each other. It was the first but not the last time we’d break up either. I do believe we loved each other though in our own twisted way. Well at least I know I loved her. 

“Hey,” She said softly as she could sense I was due to break at any second. My cheeks were probably tear stained. 

“Hey,” I whispered back. 

“Are you okay?” She asked. 

“No,” I shook my head. One thing I liked about her is I didn’t have to fake it around her, because masking my real emotions was so draining. At least I didn’t have to do it with everyone. 

“Wanna talk about it?” 

“No,” 

“Okay,” she said softly “My parents aren’t home, so you don’t have to worry about them,” not surprised. 

I nodded before she grabbed my hand bringing me inside.

“I missed you,” she said stroking my hair as I laid on her bed, my head in her lap. 

“I missed you too,” I wasn’t lying my head drifted to her from time to time. It wasn’t that I wanted to get back together I just missed her presence.  

She smiled sadly at me running her finger over the bags on my eyes. 

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown,” She quotes.

“Yeah well, ’m not queen or princess and definitely don’t have a crown, so we don’t gotta worry ‘bout me,” I said. 

“You’re a princess to me,” I gave a genuine yet tired smile at that.

“You can go to sleep, it’s okay,” She said.

That was the first time I was actually able to fall asleep and without medicine or having to go on a walk or do anything really. 

I woke up in the bed alone only to find Olivia sitting at her kitchen island eating spaghetti. 

She smiled when she saw me coming into view. 

“Sleep well?” She asked.

“Yeah surprisingly,” How long had I been asleep for I wondered.

“It’s 10 pm,” She said, still being able to read me. 

I made my way over to her and sat across her.

“So what’s really going on with you miss Y/N?” She questioned. 

I shrugged “I don’t know, nothing,”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself? Cause I’m not buying,” 

I explained to her how my dad was being weird and how I wanted to move out now. How I had pretty much vandalized the house. How I found the video of my mom. Just everything. Well maybe not everything I didn’t tell her about Vulture because I feel like she’d try to do something and I didn’t want her to get hurt. 

“Oh wow, damn... holy shit. Are you gonna watch your moms video?” She asked. Huh I hadn’t thought about that.

“I mean of course I will, yeah,” I nodded “Probably, I don’t know I’m scared,”  

“Wouldn’t you rather just push the fear back and watch then wonder the rest of your life what it says.” 

I sighed. Can't argue with that logic.

“I’m assuming you came here because you need a place to stay?” She said. 

“Yes, I need a place to stay just for a while but I don’t want it to seem like I’m just using you I can find somewhere else,” 

“Now it’s fine stay as long as you need but my dad gets back at the end of the month and we both know he doesn’t like you,” She chuckled at the last sentence and I laughed too. 

I was on the ferry heading towards Staten Island now. I knew the sale was for these weird alien shits but that's pretty much all I knew. I figured I’d sort of “out bid” the buyers then get rid of everything. By outbid I mean straight up steal. Some guy in a white pickup truck is officially my target. Thorn was still on hiatus. Meaning no knives unless you count the pocket knife I always had on me, no suit. I did have a trejo though, you know just in case. I couldn’t help my mind from drifting to Pop Smoke’s “I got it on me”. I let out a small laugh.  

I was hiding behind some car waiting for a crack in the plan to slip in. 

That was until Spiderman showed up. It’s like he had a sixth sense to ruin all of my plans. 

Shit 

Well abort mission. Just as I started walking around to get to the side of the boat. The van I was next to had Vulture literally coming out of it. I knew it’d looked familiar. 

I made it up to the top deck looking down on everything unfolding. So a quick rundown,  the FBI was here, meaning Tony Stark or someone with government clearance probably did something because I highly doubt that Spiderman, the Spiderman that I’ve seen hit a window like a bird while swinging, had any government clearance. 

See now I was looking to find a good time to make my escape. That was until that purple alien shit started spewing stuff beams of light through the ship. And fuck, I look away for one second and the new Shocker guy was gone. I turned around and saw he was running in another direction. I chased after him the rubber of my sneakers squeaking on the deck. 

I jumped down onto Shocker’s back sending us both to the floor before he pushed me off. I was definitely going to be sore tomorrow and I’m pretty sure I heard something pull in my leg. 

He jumped off onto the Vulture and I knew I couldn’t do anything anymore. Not like I was just going to shoot them down in public. I saw the light shooting down the middle of the ferry. I was gonna make a run for it but the loud squeal noise was so loud I fell over. Soon I was slung back into what I think was a bench not entirely sure I just knew it hurt like a bitch. 

I’m pretty sure I feel unconscious for like 30 seconds. 

But that was enough because the boat had already split in half and I couldn’t get to the deck or a lifeboat. However Spider-Man was frantically trying to get it together. 

I was trying to be hopeful because everything was looking up, as the parts of the ship got closer together but I think we all know the saying ‘what goes up must come down’ 

Over the ringing in my head I could assume that things were fixed because people were cheering. One thing that comes from cheering is movement and if I learned anything from the elevator it’s that moving in a very unstable metal death box is not a good idea. 

The ship was falling apart again until it wasn’t. It was pushed back together by I could only assume would be our government clearance guy Tony Stark. I looked out the window and yep there he was. 

As soon as I got on solid ground I called my sisters.

“Hiii!” I exclaimed. “Where are you, are you okay?” 

“Yes we’re fine, and where at grandma’s house like you told us to go to where else would we be,” I could almost hear the eye roll in Liyah’s voice. 

“Okay little Miss attitude stay there until I can feel everything out with dad,” 

“Alright,” 

“Okay I love you guys,” I said, getting a small “love you too” from Sapphire. 

“I know,” was the response I got from Liyah. I almost gasped the audacity of this child. 

“Say it back,” 

“Say it back,” She mocked, evoking laughter from both sides of the call. 

“Okay love you too byeeee,” She said hanging up. 

I smiled, I know as much as we get into petty arguments or try to annoy each other on purpose but I’d go to hell and back for those girls. And that’s exactly what I was going to do.

Taglist: 

@tomdiddlyumptious

[writingfortoomanyfandoms]

Dedicated to You

Pairing: 90s!Calum Hood x Reader

Summary: She works in a music store, Calum’s trying to make it to the big leagues

Requested: No

Warnings: Swearing, smoking

A/N: I sincerely apologise for the 5sos spam lately, especially of Calum fics and blurbs I just can’t help it, though I am reassured by me actually bringing myself to write some full-sized fics rather than just blurbs. Anyway! This is kinda a mess but I had fun writing it :) so I hope you enjoy!!

There was a kitten in the cardboard box.

It was small, evidently only a few weeks, a month old at the most, and it was burrowed under heaps of blankets in its cardboard box, fast asleep.

Calum figured the blankets covering it must have been the reason he hadn’t noticed it until he was right at the counter.

It was by far the strangest music shop he had ever been into. There was little trace of smoke unlike almost every other shop, instead the scent of vanilla and coffee hung about the room. The windows were big, causing the room to be illuminated with light unlike most of the music stores Calum found himself frequenting. Music was playing in the background of the store, but it wasn’t what Calum had been expecting to be playing.

The woman behind the desk was probably the most surprising thing for Calum when he walked into the store. 

She was sat with notebooks in front of her, looking up with a welcoming smile when Calum had entered the store and was more than happy to point him in the direction of the replacement guitar strings Calum needed, having managed to break his.

He like the music store, though. Probably because it broke the expectations he had had of the store.

Or maybe it was because of the three-legged dog the woman had under the counter which came out to greet him the moment he entered the store.  The woman had apologised but Calum had waved her off, more than happy to keep the dog entertained and it had followed him around the entire time Calum spent in the store.

Either way, the store was London’s best kept secret, he mused to himself.

“So is this just secretly an animal shelter, or...?” He asked, raising his eyebrows at the kitten sleeping on the counter. The woman laughed a little and shook her head.

“She’s not allowed to be left alone,” she informed him.

Calum liked the sound of her voice. It was soft and gentle. Since moving to London with his band members he felt as though he hadn’t seen that side of humanity in a while.

“So do you... own this place?” Calum didn’t want to leave yet. There was a sense of safety and security that he was finding in the music store located away from the hustle and bustle of the busy main streets of London.

“No - it’s my brothers but he’s away for the summer so I’m in charge for the next few months.” 

Calum nodded in understanding from her words. 

“What’s... what’s the dogs name?” Calum asked.

“Bucky,” the woman informed him, wrinkling her nose a little. “My roommates and I picked names out of a hat because we couldn’t decide,” Calum laughed a little, crouching down again to stroke the dog which had sat down at his feet, looking up at him woundedly as Calum stopped paying attention to him.

“He’s really sweet,” Calum chuckled as Bucky jumped up, licking his face.

“Do you have a dog?”

“No - my family back home had one though,” the woman nodded in understanding.

“Miss him?”

“Yeah...”

“Well you’re welcome to visit Bucky any time,” Calum’s face lit up in delight at her offer and his heart fluttered a little at her laughter.

“I’m Calum, by the way,” he said, straightening up and offering her his hand. The woman took it.

“Y/N,” they shook hands, the both of them with small smiles on their faces, Y/N biting her lip to attempt to suppress hers. “What brings you to London anyway?”

“I’m in a band,” Y/N’s face lifted in understanding.

“Explains the guitar strings,” Calum nodded, taking the strings that were lying on the counter between them.

“Sorry for keeping you,” Y/N made a theatrical gesture of looking around Calum at the otherwise empty store.

“Oh yes, there are so many customers you’re keeping me from,” she agreed.

“It was nice meeting you,” Calum said, knowing that he did need to be leaving if he wanted to get to practice on time.

“You too, Calum.”

///

“So how’s it going with the other guys anyway?” Calum and Y/N were sat on the floor of the music store, Y/N leaning against the table with the record player on, Calum sat opposite her with his legs spread, Bucky laying between them, his head rested on Calum’s thigh.

The kitten - officially named Deaky by Y/N but called Ginger by Calum - was curled up on Y/Ns lap, though every five minutes he would move over to Calum’s instead.

“Good - we’re looking into recording some songs but can’t find a recording studio,” Calum explained, lightly scratching behind Bucky’s ears.

“Oh - I know someone who owns a recording studio, I can give him a call if you want?”

“How the fuck do you know someone who owns a recording studio?” Calum asked, wrinkling his nose in confusion.

“I’ll have you know that I am acquainted with an array of interesting people,” Y/N declared. Calum shot her a disbelieving look which caused her to giggle. “I worked there when I was a teenager and continue to work there when I go home for the holidays,” Calum nodded in understanding.

“Are you sure you don’t mind giving them a call?” He asked and Y/N shook her head, giving Calum a soft smile.

“Just make sure that you dedicate at least one song to me when you’re rich and famous,” she winked.

“Come to the gig tonight and I’m sure we can spare a song for you.”

“Alright...” Y/N trailed off, nodding a little. Calum’s eyebrows lifted in surprise.

“What?”

“I’ll try and make it.”

“Try?”

“I’ll be there,” Y/N corrected and Calum knew that his grin was stupidly wide in response to her words.

In the three weeks he had known her, Calum had fully come to the conclusion that he liked her. He had been into the store every day, originally under the premise of visiting Bucky, which even now he still claimed to be the reason though neither of them were fooled. Every time that they spoke Calum found just another thing about her that made his heart sing.

He had been feeling so lost and out of place in London even with his best friends with him, and being with Y/N in the music shop, it felt like coming home.

And he knew he must look like a fool with how his eyes followed her when she stood up as the door to the music shop opened. That if any of his friends could see the soft expression on his face that he’d never hear the end of it.

It wasn’t exactly ‘90s rock and roll for him to be so enamoured with a girl after such a short space of time.

But since when did Calum want to be a stereotype?

///

Y/N thought he looked godly.

She had been stood at the side of the bar, on Calum’s side of the stage, holding a beer. He had told her to stand fairly near to the front so that he would be able to see her and when he came out, they locked eyes almost immediately, a wide grin growing on Calum’s face and he winked at her.

If Y/N had her say, no one else would ever be allowed to wear a leather jacket again. Not that anyone should want to after seeing Calum in one, as no one would ever be able to wear it as well as him.

The moment they had stepped out onto the stage, though, Y/N had been pushed away from the stage by fans of their band, clamouring for their attention.

There was a pause after the first song, the front man - Luke, she thought Calum had mentioned was his name - began to speak to the crowd, Y/N wasn’t really paying attention, much too focused on Calum, who had sought her out in the crowd, mild worry on his face as he failed to locate her to where she had previously been stood.

His dark eyes lit up when they found her and he raised his uncapped water bottle to her before taking a drink of water and stepping up to the micraphone.

“You guys all alright?” He asked, greeted by enthusiastic cheers from the small group of girls in the crowd near the stage. There were murmurs of response from the people sat down at the tables at the back of the bar, clearly over the talking that the band was doing. “I know we don’t normally do this but I’d like to dedicate this song to someone,” his band members looked at him in confusion. Calum didn’t seem to notice, though, still just looking at Y/N. “So, for the girl who won’t listen to anything other than Queen at work, this one’s for you.”

Confusion was still evident on his band members face but they launched into the next song regardless: ‘Somebody To Love’.

Y/N was laughing a little under her breath, shaking her head at him but Calum just winked at her.

“What did you think?” Y/N almost jumped out of her skin at the sound of Calum’s voice behind her. She had slipped out at the end of their set, wondering whether or not Calum would want her to hang around to talk to her. If he had meant what he seemed to allude to during his set, she figured he would want her to, but she didn’t want to assume that he returned her feelings.

“You were amazing, Cal!” The nickname snuck past her lips before she could think better of it. Calum didn’t appear to mind, though, his grin widening, placing his arm over her shoulders and kissing the side of her neck.

Y/N could tell that they were both mildly tipsy but she didn’t care, more than happy to relax into his affectionate actions even if it was just for a night.

///

“Number one in the UK!” Calum cheered down the phone. “Number fucking one!” 

“I know, Cal - I’ve been one of the people selling your album,” Y/N laughed, scratching behind Bucky’s ears. Her brother had returned from his holiday so Y/N was only working part time at the music store until she returned to uni.

Calum hadn’t been able to visit her as much, though. After the band had recorded their album at discount price thanks to Y/N’s relationship with the studio, they had been signed by a record company, though their office building was across town from the music store so he couldn’t visit her as often as he used to. 

It was okay, though, he more than made up for it with his phone calls.

“Do people like it?” Calum asked nervously.

“I play it all the time in the store and people come up and ask me who you are and then buy your album, Cal - yeah, they like you,” Y/N assured.

“How’re Bucky and Ginger?”

“Bucky and Deaky are good - Buck misses you, though.”

“Ginger doesn’t miss me too?” Mock offence lined his tone and Y/N giggled, drawing her legs up closer to her chest.

“No because you insist on being a dick and getting her name wrong.”

“Deaky’s a shit name for a cat.”

“You’re just bitter that he’s a better bassist than you.”

“Please,” Calum scoffed.

“Fuck off, Cal, don’t even try and pretend you’re even near John Deacon’s level.”

“Well, I guess someone doesn’t want me to visit them before I go on tour.”

Silence fell between them for a moment before:

“Are you... are you being serious?”

“What d’ya mean, sweetheart?” That was another thing that had developed since Y/N went to her first one of Calum’s gigs - he had started calling her sweetheart.

“Don’t talk like that! Did you really get a tour?”

“Yeah!” 

“Holy shit, Cal!”

“We leave in a week!”

“I’m so happy for you!” Y/N squealed and Calum burst out laughing.

“We’re going to the US!” 

“That’s amazing!” Y/N sighed, shaking her head with a soft expression on her face. “Always knew you guys would go far.”

///

Y/N shifted nervously from foot to foot. Bucky was sat on the ground at her feet, both of them waiting for Calum to enter the airport.

She hadn’t told him that she was going to meet him off the plane at London, which had proved to be an issue when it came to her getting into the arrivals, the doors blocked by what seemed like hundreds of fans of the band, all of whom were awaiting the return of the Australian band to Heathrow.

She had finally managed to make it into the building but it wasn’t until she was waiting for Calum in the pick-up zone that she realised that being there for Calum would also mean that she would end up meeting the rest of the band.

That was half the reason for her nerves.

The rest of the reason was that, yes, Calum had called her every day while on tour and had, yes, drunkenly told her that nothing was the same without her and that he ‘kinda y’know, really liked’ her.

But Y/N was unsure that Calum remembered saying that - and there was a chance, after all, that he didn’t mean it.

Or perhaps Y/N had interpreted it wrong?

There was no way that Calum liked her back.

Y/N was dragged out of her thoughts by the feeling of Bucky pulling on his lead and by the sound of crowds of fans screaming in utter shock and delight.

That was how Y/N knew that Calum and his band had arrived.

And suddenly it didn’t matter because she was looking across the airport and she was seeing Calum and how he had stopped in his tracks, staring at her, not caring about the disgruntled complaints of his band mates, and she was seeing how he began to smile, and she was seeing him begin to laugh as she let Bucky off the lead and the three legged dog bounded towards him, and she was seeing how he crouched down to meet the dog before looking up at her with a hopeful glint in his eyes.

And nothing else mattered in that moment - not the confused stares of his band mates who had no idea where the fuck that dog had come from, not the clicks of the paparazzi who had been awaiting for the bands return, not the fans who were excitedly watching the scene unfold.

Everything else seemed to fade away as she began the short too-long journey towards Calum.

Y/N was practically running by the time she reached him, her arms flying around his neck, her face nestling into his chest as they finally felt complete again.

“Shit I missed you,” Calum muttered.

“How could you miss me when you were off touring America?” Y/N asked, looking up at him, trying her best to blink back the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. 

“You know, I met Elton John in a club and we set up a date to record together and yet being with you is the most content I’ve felt since I left,” Y/N’s whole face transformed into a beaming grin at his words and Calum pressed his forehead heavily against hers.

“And here I was thinking that that was just going to be a humble brag on your part.”

“You could’ve just said you missed me too,” Calum retorted, pouting a little. Y/N swallowed, mustering up the dregs of her courage.

“I could show you?” Calum’s lips parted slightly in shock and Y/N’s mouth ran dry, pulling away slightly. “Sorry - I-”

Calum cut her off by pressing their lips together. When they pulled away, Y/N fell back into his arms as he laughed a little.

“I just became very aware that there are a lot of people here right now.”

///

The smell of smoke permeated the air, it was so thick that if it weren’t for the fact Y/N was stood side stage she wouldn’t be able to see the rising rockstars as they performed.

Calum had offered to give her a spot centre stage in the crowd but Y/N had turned it down, much preferring to stand on Calum’s side of the stage. She didn’t want any attention from their fans.

Calum’s leather jacket hung heavily on her shoulders and she knew her eyes were wide with complete and utter delight and awe as she watched her boyfriend perform.

Her boyfriend.

She would never get sick of referring to Calum as that and they’d been officially together for almost a year.

A year since Y/N had surprised Calum at the airport at the end of his first tour and they had shared their first kiss. A year since she had officially met the other band members. A year since she had been able to call herself Calum’s.

The best year of her life. 

And 5 Seconds of Summer were bigger than ever.

They had collaborated with Elton John on this album and had befriended so many famous rockstars that Y/N’s head span every time Calum would talk to her about his day, especially on the day that he had met Brian May and Roger Taylor and gotten their autographs for her. 

It was safe to say that Calum, Ashton, Luke and Michael were leaving their mark on the rock and roll scene and Y/N couldn’t believe her luck that she was able to come along for the ride.

The other guys didn’t mind her tagging along every now and then - since meeting them almost a year ago, Y/N had become good friends with all of them, especially close with Ashton as a result of his close friendship with Calum and that the two of them lived together. 

Though they often told her that the only reason that they didn’t mind her coming along for the ride was because she’d bring Bucky and, on occasion, Deaky as well. Though they had all been confused about Calum calling Deaky Ginger instead.

On stage, now, they were taking a break. Calum had lit up a cigarette as he watched Luke and Michael talk, his eyes crinkled at the edges with a smile. Ashton, too, had begun to smoke from his place behind the drum kit.

Y/N watched how when Calum had finished his cigarette he snuck a look at her standing side stage, a cheeky, guilty smile on his face when he saw the unimpressed look on hers, knowing that she didn’t approve of when he (or any of the other guys for that matter) smoked. Y/N just rolled her eyes in response, unable to resist his smile.

Calum stepped up to the microphone when Luke had finished whatever it was that he was saying.

“Alright so this is an important show for me,” he began, glancing once more at Y/N from the corner of his eye. “This is the first show back in the UK, which means it’s the first show of this tour that my girlfriend’s been able to come to,” a cheer rose from the crowd and Calum laughed into the microphone. His band mates were watching Calum talking with smiles on their faces. 

Y/N wondered if, like her, they were getting flashbacks to the first gig that Y/N had ever gone to of theirs when Calum had made a similar speech.

“And I love my girlfriend a lot,” he added, causing the other three musicians on stage to laugh, Y/N joining in, shaking her head when Calum looked at her again, his smile only widening at her action. “And even though she gives her pets stupid fucking names and even though she insists John Deacon is better than me at the bass and even though she’s wearing my jacket right now and making it look better than I ever could, I just wanted to take the time to tell you all how lucky I am to have her in my life.” Cheers rose up again from the crowd, Ashton, Luke and Michael joining in with them as Y/N hid her face in embarrassment from her boyfriend’s affectionate gaze. 

“I once promised that I’d dedicate a song to her at a small gig we were playing at a shitty pub near where she lived. But now - now, I want to just let her know that every fucking concert I play is dedicated to her.”

[thevividgreenmoss]

Hey, no offense intended, but do you have any connection to the fieriframes blog that tumblr linked to yesterday? It @'s you several times. Sorry if you've been asked this a lot!

None taken! I feel like it really is at this point my responsibility to publicly address this since the people deserve to know the truth and while no harm has been meant at any point it's still not okay to keep people in the dark for too long cause then like what's even going on in there it could be anything but we can't even see...and after a certain point society can't be held responsible for how it react against whatever it is that is going on in those shadows like I mean it's only become more apparent in this post-Trump post-Capitol Hill riot moment the damage this kind of thing can cause how sick and twisted we all might become as a result...hopefully this can be the start of us coming together to heal and washing our hands of this whole affair that really did spiral out of control which again we didn't mean for that to happen I mean I can't speak for everyone involved but I personally especially didn't expect the related emergence of a lawsuit citing the stewarship of Gondor in the lord of the rings series as proof that the supreme court must overturn the results of our recent election and reinstate Donald Trump as president and I personally do NOT agree with what they're doing or who they're doing it for although I have to say I will defend their right to do what they're doing despite not agreeing with it or at least not with all of it I think they actually make some good points and yes even when it comes to the core of what they're saying I don't find any part of it objectionable if I'm being frank, if that's still even allowed? With cancel culture and everything but I mean the point is that even if the more I think about it and listen to both sides the more I have to say I do agree with all of it and I hope they're successful but it wasn't an intended consequence or one we can be reasonably expected to have foreseen lbut we still have to take responsibility that's called being an adult and it's maybe even part of being an American, adult or otherwise, even when it's hard to do but anyways as I'm rapidly approaching the limit of my capacity to articulate new if terribly incoherent thoughts having still not answered your basic question, I'm going to paste my response to All This from this morning, if that's okay. After all responsibility does and must start with response so:

Most of my relatives have always led very nondescript detached from influence or power in any capacity due to varying combinations of indifference & ineptitude sort of existences like despite varying socioeconomic contexts across generations and/or within different branches of the family there's a general trend of whatever the opposite of noteworthiness is lmao which honestly I feel is usually for the best, but there are two exceptions in the form of extended family six degrees of separation type distant connections to very despicable Pakistani political figures on my mom's side one of which is that two of grandpa's first cousins were childhood friends with Benazir Bhutto and apparently their mom at one point kind of like stopped letting them hang out due to like increasing (appropriate/understandable) political aversion but then Benazir's mom was like no she misses them so they started letting them hang out again which like idk situations like that can be awkward and I mean you're not responsible for somehow anticipating that this child would grow up to be a malevolent public presence along similar lines as her father already was at the time (also would carry on the paternal legacy by meeting a violent untimely end in one of those situations where history very perversely and, despite the malignant and violent impact that the victim themselves had on society, tragically rhymes with itself but that's a whole other thing) but yeah so I guess ultimately they ended up remaining in touch socially throughout their lives and apparently a picture of them at some function together ended up in a Time magazine feature at some point in the early 90s? All of which is to say that I think my equivalent brush with notoriety will go down as being the time a handful of people asked me what was going on with the whole Guy Fieri all over the dash situation like my version of a lifelong acquaintance with and one-time appearance in an extremely minor background role in the media saga surrounding the first woman to serve as head of state in a muslim majority nation, a member of one of the major political dynasties of the past fifty years, is when the weak association I have with fieriframes.tumblr.com that's based off me reflexively reblogging all of their posts and literally nothing else at all becomes a subject of faint interest on the day the aforementioned blog & its namesake became involved in a random promotional gimmick of some sort along with this dying but never dead website

[chxoticmuses]

SHIP QUESTIONS THINGY

Status: Accepting

@streetsofsecrets​​ said: our ships?? 🥺 ( Janie & Nick )

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

How did they first meet?: At school. They had three classes together and lunch, so they crossed paths a lot. Eventually he started asking her for the homework all the time and their friendship grew every time he asked.

What was their first impression of each other?: Janie couldn’t stand him. She thought he was the most annoying person in the world, but he was cute so she still talked to him.

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?: Janie’s friends pushed her to make moves on him all the time and cease the opportunity to be with him. I feel like Delores enabled their relationship a lot too, or at least the positive aspects of it.

Who felt romantic feelings first?: Janie. Even though she thought he was annoying, she found him very cute and had a crush on him long before he even talked to her for the first time.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?: Yeah, Janie tried so hard not to be attracted to him because he annoyed her so much, but that charisma caught up to her and has had a hold on her since.

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?: That there’s no way in hell thats possible after what they’ve put each other true, but then after thinking about it some more I think they’ll be like “Well, we keep coming back to each other so maybe that does make sense.”

GENERAL

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?: Neither of them really? Like it wasn’t until their adult years that anything really became official between them and even then they never spoke a tittle into existence.

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?: It was at that cute restaurant you sent me on Discord and it was kind of awkward since it was their first time acting like they were officially a thing, but the night went really well. By the end of the night they had loosened up and already had their second date planned out.

What was their first kiss like?: Very cute!! It was giving very much 2000s teen romcom. Something straight out of a Disney channel movie, but not a cringey one.

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?: Nick was Janie’s first every, to be honest.

What’s their height difference? Age difference?: The way I don’t know the answer to either of these questions really skskskks. All I can say is that I’m pretty sure they’re the same age just with some months between them since they did go to school together.

What’s their relationship with each other’s families?: Janie is very acquainted with the other Scozzari’s and even considers herself to be friends with Cassandra. She never really introduced her family to Nick. Maybe a dinner one night with the Scozzari’s, but she never really brought them around after that. Her mom didn’t like him much, thought he was a street rat, but Janie never cared about what she thought.

Who takes the lead in social situations?: Janie. She has a reputation to maintain and she’s afraid that one day Nick will mess that up with either his words or actions, so she takes control 90% of the time.

Who gets jealous easier?: I think it’s safe to say that after everything he’s put her through relationship wise, Janie is definitely more jealous. It’s borderline toxic. She be on her Joe Goldberg shit sometimes.

LOVE

Who said “I love you” first?: Isn’t it surprising that it was Janie? She was visiting him while he was in juvie and just let all her feelings spill out to him.

What are their primary love languages?: Definitely touch. Janie doesn’t know how to express a lot of things with words, something she’s still working on, so she turns to actions a lot to speak for her.

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?: Not often. Maybe when they were back in high school you’d catch them pressed up against a locker in the hallway or holding hands while walking the street, but these days she barely even lets him hold her hand in public.

What are their favorite things to do together?: Kill people! Mhm, yep. That’s it that’s all. But really, besides that I feel like they still like planning out mixtapes and CDs together.

Who’s better at comforting the other?: ERM, SKIP! That’s something that they both really need to work on, but Janie tries sometimes by asking him questions to make sure he’s okay.

Who’s more protective?: Wow, that’s a very great question 😅 I’m going to go with Nick. They’re both really protective over each other, but I feel like Nick is the one who would go the extra mile for her and do the most.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?: Physical affection. It’s just so much easier for the both of them.

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?: Hit Different by SZA and basically every 80s song that’s about love or breakups.

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?: I feel like Nick has some cheesy nickname from their childhood for her, but Janie just calls him Nick, Nicky, or maybe something silly like “Macho man.”

DOMESTIC LIFE

If they get married, who proposes?: Was it really a proposal? I feel like he just said something like “I wanna marry you fr fr” while he was in jail and they considered themselves engaged after that.

What’s the wedding like? Who attends?: If Janie was able to have it her way they wouldn’t have a wedding at all but a courthouse type situation, but to please the family they had a small fancy venue wedding. It was mostly Nick’s family, Janie’s coworkers, and friends from their childhood.

How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?: The twinnssss!! They’re quite the handful personality wise and honestly kinda boujie. They were the type of kids who would be like “My mama said you can’t come inside because you steal our stuff😐” straight to your face and have to face the repercussions from their parents later. They’re very cunning children who know how to get their way and make things work in their favor, inheriting the most deceptive traits from their parents.

Do they have any pets?: CHOWDER!!! And if he were to ever have offspring, they would keep those puppies too.

Who’s the stricter parent?: Definitely Janie. She still carries a tiny amount of the generational trauma that’s been passed down in her family, so at times she can be a little too strict. I feel like the twins are more scared of her than their dad when it comes to getting in trouble.

Who kills the bugs in the house?: Janie does. She really doesn’t mind them like that.

How do they celebrate holidays?: Isually they go with Nick’s family and spend the day with them or stay home and spend it with each other.

Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?: Nick is convincing her. She wakes up early as hell for work disrupting everyone else’s sleep all the time. He has definitely told her on one than more occasion “Just come lay back down, that job can wait!”

Who’s the better cook?: Janie. She lived alone for quite sometime and had no choice but to learn how to cook.

[you-get-to-exhale-now-cyrus]

Dear Cyrus Goodman

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3

Summary: A letter than was never meant to be seen, a lie that was never meant to be told, a life he never dreamed he could have. Cyrus Goodman is about to get the one thing he’s always wanted; a chance to finally fit in.

Chapter Word Count: 1,161

Chapter Trigger Warnings: Implied Sexual Content, Shooting Mention, Cursing, Mild Physical Violence

Author’s Note: All dialogue comes from the Dear Evan Hansen script. I own none of the dialogue, credit goes to Pasek and Paul. I’ve written the way things are said, actions, and anything not dialogue. Also for the sake of this fic, the names of the Kippen parents (the Murphys in DEH) will be Martha and Lucas. Thank you!

Cyrus walked into school, his eyes nervously darting around as bodies passed him quickly, leaving trails of cologne and sweet perfume around him. The bell rang shrilly, causing the small boy to wince. As he turned on his heel to go to his first class, someone interrupted his thoughts.

“How was your summer?” Buffy beamed at him, adjusting her glasses with her free hand, as the other clutched books to her chest.

Cyrus immediately felt his hands gravitating down to wipe the sweat off of his palms. “...I’m sorry I-”

“Mine was productive,” she cut in, a bit too zealously, “I did 3 internships and 90 hours of community service. I know: wow,” she gushed, her smile growing so wide Cyrus thought it would pop off of her face.

“Yeah that’s wow, that’s impressive,” Cyrus stammered, shuffling his feet awkwardly. Why couldn’t he have been sick today?

“Even with all that, I still made some great friends. Or I guess, acquaintances, more like,” she shrugged, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.

Cyrus blinked a few times; this conversation was still going somehow, and he wasn’t about to just curl up and end it here. He tried what Dr. Sherman suggested; small talk.

“Do you want to maybe...I don’t know what you’re um...do you want to sign my cast?” He eventually spat the words out, but not without fumbling several times before. He reached into his back pocket for his Sharpie, and Buffy immediately took a step back, gasping at the cast on his arm.

“Oh my God! What happened to your arm?” she exclaimed loudly, again causing Cyrus to wince from the volume.

“Oh...I uh...broke it climbing this tree,” he muttered lamely. It wasn’t a total lie.

Buffy’s mind was somewhere else; certainly not in this conversation. “Oh really? My grandma broke her hip getting into the bathtub last July. That was the beginning of the end the doctors said, because then she died,” she stated plainly.

Cyrus could do nothing but stand there and have his eyes flit nervously over the other girl’s face. Did nothing faze her? He nodded and tried to hand Buffy the pen, but she just kept smiling.

“Happy first day!” she cheered, skipping off to her next class. Cyrus was left alone in the hallway. Again.

“Is it weird to be the first person in history to break their arm from jerking off too much? Or do you consider than an honor?” Jonah snickered, coming up behind the nervous teen.

Cyrus looked bewildered, trying to shush his ‘friend’ as best he could. “Wait, what...I didn’t...that’s not what happened,” he defended himself weakly, picking at a stray blue string on his shirt.

Jonah smirked. “Paint me the picture. You’re in your bedroom, you’ve got TJ Kippen’s Instagram pulled up on your weird off-brand cell phone...”

“That’s not what happened!” Cyrus whimpered, although he tried to sound threatening, “Obviously...I was, um, I was climbing a tree and I fell,”

Jonah broke out into a devilish laugh. “You fell from a tree? What are you, like, an acorn?”

Cyrus pulled his backpack higher onto his shoulders. “Well I was, I don’t know if you know this, but I worked this summer as an apprentice park ranger at Shadyside Park. I’m sort of a tree expert now. Not to brag,” he rambled, feeling his cheeks heat from embarrassment.

Jonah just stared at him, with a look that read ‘you’re the lamest, Goodman’. Cyrus shifted his weight from foot to foot before speaking again.

“Anyways, I tried to climb this forty-foot oak tree-”

“And then you fell,” Jonah finished for him, breaking into a fit of giggles.

“Well, except it’s a funny story, because there was this solid 10 minutes after I fell, where I just lay there on the ground waiting for someone to come get me,” he rambled, staring off into the distance as if he were having a flashback to that moment, “Any second now, I kept saying to myself. Any second now, here they come,”

Jonah waited for a beat for Cyrus to continue his story before butting in, again. “Did they?”

Cyrus nearly scoffed, smiling weakly. “No. Nobody came. That’s the, that’s what’s funny about it,” he explained, shrinking into himself as he spoke.

“Jesus Christ,” Jonah chortled, shaking his head.

Cyrus sighed, defeated. “How was, what did you do for, you have a good summer?”

Jonah beamed proudly, puffing out his chest. “Well, my camp dominated in capture the flag and I got to second-base-below-the-bra with some girl from Israel who’s going to, like, be in the army...so yeah. I think that answers your question.” Jonah turned to walk away, before being caught by Cyrus’ meek voice.

“Do you want to sign my cast?” he asked, his brown eyes drowning in worry.

“Why are you asking me?” Jonah replied incredulously, raising his brows.

“Well, I just thought, because we’re friends,” Cyrus started to justify his reasoning before he was cut off.

“We’re family friends. That’s a whole different thing and you know it,” Jonah explained, slinging his arm around Cyrus. “Hey, tell your mom to tell my mom I was nice to you or else my parents won’t pay for my car insurance,”

Just then, a locker slammed, and Amber huffed down the hallway, her shoulder length hair swishing back and forth. Much to Cyrus’ misfortune, she was headed his way.

“Hey Amber! Loving the new hair length! Very school shooter chic,” Jonah commented, wearing one of his signature grins. No laughing ensued; just deafening silence.

“I was kidding...it was a joke,” Jonah explained.

“Yeah no, it was funny. I’m laughing. Can’t you tell? Am I not laughing hard enough for you?” The girl deadpanned, her glare cold with a touch of hurt.

Jonah started backing away, his generally extroverted demeanor disappearing and replaced with nervous energy. “You’re such a...freak,” he muttered, turning to go. His words hung in the air, and Cyrus didn’t know what to do. Involuntarily, he laughed nervously, trying to fill the silence with sound.

“What are you laughing at?” Amber demanded, her knuckles turning white as she clenched her hands into fists.

Cyrus froze; that was clearly the wrong thing to do. Then again, when did he ever know what to do in a social situation? “What?” he squeaked out.

“Stop fucking laughing at me!” she sneered, taking steps towards him.

Cyrus could feel his palms begin to sweat and started to swipe them along the side of his shirt. “I’m not-”

“You think I’m a freak?” Amber demanded, taking another step towards him, seeing the boy flinch.

“No, I don’t-”

“I’m not the freak!” she shrieked, her face right up against his.

“But I wasn’t-”

“You’re the fucking freak,” she spat, shoving the boy to the ground and stomping past him. Cyrus knew he was going to be bruised, but there was so much going on, that the pain he felt when he fell was minimal.

tag list: @shortstackofpeaches || @seanna313 || @geekingbeautytx || @heavenlybyers || @ghostswasp || @wlwandimack || @giocondasstuff || @lemonboytyrus || @adorejrizzle || @swingsetboys || @ifellintotyrushell || @idk-dude-17 || @rbf-lesbian ||​ @marianara-sauce || @kaptainjinxz || @kittysrllygreetart

[6stronghands]

Goodreads interview with Seanan McGuire

Author Seanan McGuire is the busiest person you know, even if you don't know her yet. She's that busy. McGuire has 33 novel-length works currently listed on her bibliography page, and that's not counting her pseudonymous acquaintance, Mira Grant. Scroll down and you'll find short fiction, essays, comics, nonfiction, and poetry. The crazy part? She didn't turn to full-time writing until about three years ago. Along the way, McGuire has won several marquee book prizes, including Hugo and Nebula awards for speculative fiction. Her series of fantasy novellas Wayward Children was recently picked up by the TV network Syfy for development. McGuire's brain is clearly a restless explorer, and her ambitious new novel, Middlegame, maps out another enormous chunk of notional real estate. In the new book, a pair of separated twins named Roger and Dodger endeavor to solve a series of increasingly sinister mysteries. Why were they separated? Why are they being hunted? Why are they developing world-breaking powers? And perhaps most importantly—why did they get such ridiculous names? The brother-and-sister team find themselves squaring off against a cabal of eldritch predators who have cracked the ancient code of alchemy, the missing link between science and magic. Speaking from her home outside Seattle, McGuire talked with Goodreads contributor Glenn McDonald about the new book, the weird science of alchemy, and the curious case of the prescription typewriter… Your bibliography is really astonishing. Are you just writing all the time? Seanan McGuire: Well, I'm not writing at the moment because I'm talking to you. But yeah, I was writing right up to the point where my phone rang. That's pretty much my life, because I am a workaholic and I enjoy what I do. GR: When did you make the leap into full-time writing? SM: I made the transition around January 2016, I think. The best advice I ever received from anyone, about professional writing, was from Todd McCaffrey. He said: Don't quit your day job until you're reasonably sure you can pay your bills off of your royalties. My last job was for a nonprofit, and I was basically sick all the time because I was writing all these books and I was still working a full-time day job. My friends never saw me. Like, never. Then the ACA happened, the Affordable Care Act. I don't think people realize what a difference that made, for all of us that work in the creative fields, to be able to get affordable insurance. I kept my day job for a few years after I strictly had to, just because I was terrified of dying under a bridge. The attacks on the ACA that are happening now are terrifying. Genuinely terrifying. Especially if they take away the protection for preexisting conditions. GR: Were you into writing as a little kid? 

I was. I did not figure out that writing was an option until I was about three. I started reading before I was talking, really. Then I started getting migraines because I was trying to write, but I didn't have the physical coordination to actually write at the speed that I could think. So the doctor prescribed a typewriter. Really. My mom went to a yard sale and got me this gigantic thing. It weighed more than I did. I started writing stories. At the beginning, they were all very factual. I would write stories about going to look for my cat. A lot of my earliest work was what we would classify as fan fiction now. There were a lot of adventures with My Little Ponies. The thing about being a genius when you're a kid is that you grow out of it. I was perfectly average by the time I hit school. But there was that brief, frustrating time when I was so far ahead of where they wanted me to be that they just didn't know what to do with me. I would write until 3 a.m. on my typewriter, which sounded like gunfire. GR: There seems to be some of that experience in the new book, with the child prodigies Roger and Dodger. Their relationship is fascinating; it's a sibling thing but also this deeper connection that suggests they're resonating on the cosmic level. SM: I love that this is my best-reviewed book so far and it's about characters with intentionally terrible names. It's a delight to have people have to try to talk seriously about the relationship between Roger and Dodger. It's terrible, and it makes me so happy. Roger and Dodger really are soul mates because they are functionally the same person. They're one person split into two to embody the Ethos [the alchemy formulation sought after in the story]. I don't think that's a huge spoiler; that's basically the premise of the book. We know that, but they don't for a good part of the story. Locking down their relationship, a lot of that was looking at my own relationships with my siblings and the places where it's good or weird or awkward. GR: For readers who might not be familiar, what do we mean when we talk about alchemy? SM: Alchemy is sort of like magical chemistry. It's this idea that you can transform parts of the world into other parts of the world. You just have to figure out the right combination of elements. The classical example is lead into gold. But alchemists also believed that there were spirits and such that could be called upon to help with these processes. It has some of what we might call sorcerous ideas. They were trying to find the magical formulae for these things, like the panacea, which is the cure for everything. Or the alkahest, which is the universal destroyer, a fluid that could dissolve literally anything. Then there's the Philosopher's Stone, which was said to give eternal life. Harry Potter fans are probably familiar with alchemy, more than previous generations, because of the character Flamel, who was an actual and quite famous real-world alchemist. GR: Did you research the actual history of alchemy?

Yes, this was the first time I really jumped into it. I did a lot of research, and research makes me so happy. I hunted down every book I could find on alchemy; they're all downstairs in the library now. Alchemy was a real thing, even if it never worked, even if they never turned lead into gold with these processes. Really smart people spent a really long time trying hard to make these things happen. I wanted to make sure what I was trying to do would fit into at least one school of alchemical thought—and there were many, many schools of thought. Alchemy sounds a little ridiculous now, but there was a time when it was a commonly accepted belief. GR: In the book you have a great villainous force in the Alchemical Congress, who are modern practitioners of the ancient art. They reminded me of historical groups that purported to be keepers of secret knowledge, like the Masons. SM: Right, or like the Order of the Golden Dawn. I never found a specific historical analog to that in alchemy, but maybe that's because they never got it to work. My Alchemical Congress is a group of people who can actually say that alchemy works. They're able to do all kinds of ethically negotiable things. With that kind of power, you're absolutely going to have a group that locks it down so it stays in what these people consider the right hands. GR: The cover image of the book depicts a delightfully creepy magical item known as the Hand of Glory, which also has a historical basis. Do you recall when you first came across that? SM: I feel like I've always known. I don't remember where I first read about that. I studied folklore in college, and the Hand of Glory was very common in certain parts of Europe. It's amazing. Everyone was chopping hands off for a while there. GR: When did you actually start writing Middlegame? SM: Middlegame is kind of unique. I'd been thinking about it for ten years, but it took me a while to develop the technical skill to tell the story and have it make sense to people who don't live inside my head. My brother must have heard me explain this story 90 times before I even sat down to write it. At this point in my career, I have the enviable problem that, for the most part, I don't get to just sit down and decide that I'm going to write. Everything has been pre-sold. I'm working off contracts until 2023. So I know exactly what I'm going to be writing every day when I get out of bed. GR: Don't you ever just get burned out? SM: Well, I think I'm dealing with ten years of systemic burnout because I'm exhausted all the time. But if you mean: Do I ever get to the point that I can't write? Thankfully, no. I think everybody's wired differently that way. So much of my storage space is devoted to people who don't exist. There's a certain concern that if I leave them alone, those parts of my brain will go offline. GR: There are fictional lives at stake! SM: There are! You don't depend on me for your persistence of existence. If I forget about you, you'll still be fine. GR: Your series Wayward Children was just picked up for development with the Syfy channel. Is there anything you can disclose about that? SM: No, not really. For the most part, for myself and other creators, we can't disclose anything because they don't want to let us know what's happening. We have family members that are going to ask, and they don't want us to be the leaks and endanger the production, so we're frequently not told things. I've basically just sold them my canvas, because I'm a wee baby author from the perspective of Hollywood. I have no properties under my belt, I have no track record. There's not a lot of bargaining power on my side of the table. But I trust the people that are involved in this project. And even if I didn't, honestly, television changes everything. The worst show that absolutely butchers my concepts—which is not a thing I'm expecting with this team at all—but the worst show in the world is going to be seen by more people than have read the first book. So that bumps my book sales, almost guaranteed. That sounds very mercenary, I'm sure, but that's just the math of it. Jim Butcher, Charlaine Harris, even Neil Gaiman—they weren't household names until they got something on TV. My mother raised three daughters on welfare, and she lives with me. I'm basically her sole support. I worry fairly regularly about what would happen if I get hit by a bus and can't write anymore. But what happens with a successful TV show—or even a failed TV show—is that my mom lives off my royalties for the rest of her life. GR: This is a question we've been polling authors on: When you read for pleasure, do you read one book at a time or do you have several going at once? Some people say it's insane to read multiple books at the same time, but I usually have two or three going. SM: Well, I'm currently reading six. GR: Is there anything else you'd like to highlight or discuss about the new book? SM: Middlegame is currently a standalone, but there are two follow-ups I'd really like to write, so please buy Middlegame from your local bookstore so that my publisher will let me continue!

[gcbrielst]

a XAVIER SERRANO lookalike just rolled into new york city in his porsche gts. gabriel trevino just had a birthday bash for his twenty third. i doubt he’ll make it here in new york city since i hear he tends to be choleric, but on the other hand he is jovial. ( cismale & he/him )

wow hi ,,, it’s me, aj ! this intro is gonna be better than the first bc that was so bad but hey to the old/new members !! i’m looking forward to interacting with y’all ( again, if u’ve met my annoying ass before ) that i could just explode rn but i won’t fjgskl;j but yeah you can find out more about gabriel down under :’) & if u wanna plot give this a lil like & i’ll come thru the dm’s !

TW: death & drug use

GABRIEL’S BACKSTORY

anthony trevino & sofia costa originally met in madrid, spain having met as children through their families. the trevino family was well-known for owning several vineyards across spain, whereas the costa’s owned a few of their own in italy. it’s a cliche story, becoming best friends throughout their childhood and, eventually, started to date when they were 15. things were easy for them ( most of the time ), & it helped that both sides of the family supported & encouraged everything they decided to do together. not to mention that, well, the money they received from their parents helped, too. by the time high school graduation flew by for them, both the trevino’s & the costa’s decided to have their children be part of the businesses and named them official owners of all the vineyards. with this came plenty of traveling, meetings, events, wine exhibitions, etc. together until, eventually, they got married in their early 20s. you know the feeling of being on top of the world? that’s them to a T for several years after, even after knowing each other since they were little ones. however, it wasn’t until they reached the age of 26 when they finally felt as if things were truly complete: they gave birth to a little baby boy aka gabe!

from there, they tried their best to make sure their son grew up perfectly. never pressured him about opening up, always made sure he wasn’t feeling neglected, other things similar to that. it’s what made gabriel so dependent and close with his parents for so many years. the kind of love he’s witnessed from his parents was, & still is, something that he wants for himself. they’re the sole reason why he’s such a little romantic at heart despite coming off as the opposite to everyone. his best memories with them is flying out back to spain or italy, visiting his uncles, aunts, grandparents, & so on while checking up on the vineyards. back in the day, the trevino trio were inseparable. that is ... until he turned 13. one night in april 2007, gabe was staying over a family friend’s home while his parents went to a formal event. things were fine, everything seemingly normal --- until they received an unexpected call from a local hospital. unfortunately, it turns out that anthony & sofia were hit by a drunk driver on their way to pick their son up. sofia died on impact while her husband sadly passed in the ambulance. the news was heartbreaking, so much so that when gabriel heard of their deaths he spent the remainder of the night ( & the following week ) locked in the guest room of the house crying & blaming himself for what happened despite the fact that he couldn’t control the events that occurred. 

of course, their deaths would have a detrimental effect on their son. the family friends that were with him that night ( michael & caroline maher ) soon adopted gabe into their family, despite the sudden closed-off & destructive personality change as a result from the accident. he wasn’t taking things as seriously as before, which left him getting into the wrong crowd. by the time he was 16, he began getting into hardcore drugs ( e.g. coke ) because of the terrible influences of his so-called “friends” at the time and overall became a toxic person to be around. it was so bad, in fact, that he developed a hefty addiction. this went on for about a bit over a year or so with no one really recognizing this ( thanks to his ability to hide behind a facade so well ). it wasn’t until two years later, though, when gabriel just graduated from high school that he had been caught participating in these kind of activities by his adoptive parents; one day, while tidying his room, caroline found his stash inside his closet and immediately went hysterical. due to this, they forced gabe to go into rehab, not wanting to see the boy their best friends’ left in their care to disappear like his parents. he wasn’t overjoyed about this; in fact, he was in denial over the fact that he had a problem. though, seeing how distressed mike & caroline were over finding his coke had him feeling an immense amount of guilt. so, although reluctantly, he agreed. 

90 days later & fresh out of rehab, he’s feeling the best he’s felt in a long ass time!! he spends a few months with mike & caroline, wanting to apologize & thoroughly make up for his behavior over the years. he spent endless amounts of time trying to show just how grateful he was for the fact that they took him in & stayed by his side throughout everything. though, he wasn’t satisfied with just running his family’s vineyards; in fact, he always had strong feelings for music. so, impulsively, gabe started to take dj lessons. it was a lot of hard work & dedication on his part, but this was something he absolutely loved doing. besides, he always thought that dj’s were cool. he worked his ass off, practicing everyday to perfect his craft until, eventually, he started booking gigs. by the time he was 20, gabriel quickly became well-known in the music industry & moved out to new york as a way of trying to forget about the past in chicago & looking towards the future here. he moved mike & caroline out too bc he’s Soft for them!  since then, he’s been booking gigs all over new york and the world; not to mention he’s gaining more fans/recognition everyday. BUT FUN FACT: he’s actually juST started to do drugs again on the down low so :~) :~) 

GABRIEL’S PERSONALITY

because he’s doing what he loves, gabe normally has a pretty easygoing & friendly vibe to him. sometimes he has his moments of being in limbo, so to speak, but most of the time he’s approachable & loves a good conversation. he’s also a Dumbass so like LMAO, 10/10 would say something & it wouldn’t make any sense or it would just leave people going, “wtf??” but he cares so much for his friends/family, he would actually jump into the center of the earth for them. not only that, but if he sees someone down he’d go out of his way to cheer them up no matter what it takes. 

however, he isn’t always such a nice guy. he has a short fuse & gets irritated easily, though he tries very hard not to express it, but it’s possible for him to blow up at someone every now & then. as previously stated, gabe is also capable of putting on a front around people, too. he hasn’t really relied on anyone outside of his family ( besides a few childhood friends/best friends ), so the idea of being open with people he doesn’t know all that well or is just an acquaintance with isn’t his cup of tea. so is he a liar? to an extent, but only to prevent himself from being let down. that being said, if someone tries asking what’s going on in that head of his or how he’s feeling about something--he’s just going to play it off with a shrug & pretend he’s chill with everything. ALSO because he started doing drugs again after four/five years of being sober, he has his little sad moments & he can come off as a bit pessimistic & dejected because he’s lowkey disappointed in himself okay cool.

i’m not trying to make this section long bc i already did that for his backstory so feajkhljkl that’s the shorthand version of it!

WANTED CONNECTIONS

bad influence, roommates, exes either good or bad terms, fwb, ex friends, rivals/enemies, enemies turned friends OR vice versa, bros, squad, sibling-like friendship, drug dealer, skinny love, first love, LITERALLY ANYTHING I’M A PLOT H*E OKAY THX FOR COMING TO MY LONG TED TALK

[kz-i-co]

Babysitter: Part VII

» Summary: You weren't enjoying school

» Pairing: Kim Taehyung/ Reader

» Genre: Smut

» Words: 3k

» COMPLETED SERIES: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 ╫ Part 8

» m.list ╫ bts masterlist

-

“No more crying." He took your hand kissing the back romantically.

Don't wanna cry.....

You kept telling yourself. You were only 20 more minutes away from starting your new semester at school. A long 8 months away from your family and especially Taehyung. Before it was fine but now you dreaded this moment. You wanted to stay.

When you finally reached the dorms, you pulled out your two suitcases that you lived in for the past summer since all of your belongings were still here at the school. The nice thing was you didn't have to change rooms every year unless you requested it, but that wasn't you in this case. You liked your roommate. You became quite close since being here.

You entered your room and she was already acquainted with her boyfriend Youngjae. Before it used to bother you but you felt alright now since you had one of your own but once again you were thinking about him and now you let yourself dread being here.

"Hey...long time no see." She pushed her boyfriend off of her and she jumped up to greet you. Youngjae groaned in annoyance making you both laugh. You always liked him, he was like a brother to you, an annoying brother. But he was perfect with Seunghee.

She squeezed you into a big hug. You really did miss her. "So how was your summer?"

"Good." You simply smiled.

"Youngjae can you leave for a bit, we have girl talk." He just looked at you both, arching his eyebrows but soon got up. "Thank you."

He gave a sarcastic wave and left you both alone.

"Oh my god....remember Youngjae's friend Jongup you have a huge crush on?"

She didn't even let you speak. "Well....he's single now." She squealed. "I was thinking about setting you up and we can double."

Your friend was well known of how you hated being the only single one out of you all. You always felt like you were the third wheel when it came to get togethers, or more like fifth wheel. But you didn't have to worry to much anymore. You found the love of your life.

"Seunghee...wait." You had to stop her excitement. "I'm not single anymore."

You said with a confident smile.

"What?" She was surprised. "Is that why you haven't contacted me all summer like you promised?"

"Maybe." You bit your lip. "Hey...You could of contacted me instead of sucking Youngjae's face off."

"That's not true...he was only with me half of the summer....but don't change the subject...tell me about him."

You both finally took a seat at the end of the bed.

"His name is Taehyung....and he is the sweetest guy I have ever met."

"How did you two meet?" You loved how interested your friend was.

"My family hired him as the baby sitter as I was in school."

"Ooo. Romantic."

You didn't want to get into the dirty details so you just talked about the romantic dates he took you on. The clean side of things.

"He's the one." You knew for sure.

She squealed in excitement. "When can I meet him?"

"He said he would visit me on the weekends."

"He can sleepover and I can sneak into Youngjae's room."

The school was quite strict when it came to the dorms. You can invite company to stay the weekend but it had to get approved by the school a week ahead. Also everyday rules was no girls allowed in the guys dorms and no guys in the girls. Even though no one listens, clearly. It's also very unusual since we're technically adults.

"Yeah....I miss him." You sighed.

"Don't worry....being away will make your relationship even stronger...trust me." You wanted to but you always heard that long distance doesn't work out.

"First let me cancel that double date." She pulled out her phone.

"What? You already had it planned before telling me?" You weren't upset, just surprised.

"I'm sorry....miss didn't contact me because she was sucking some other guys face off all summer." You blushed at her response. Using your own words against you.

"Whatever."

"You naughty." She texted away.

You honestly felt like Seunghee was more of a friend to you then your high school friends. You still loved Sana and Liz but sometimes you didn't feel comfortable around them. They didn't always understand how you felt.

You liked that Seunghee was always there to listen to any idiotic thing you told her. You could he honest with her about anything and you weren't afraid to tell her anything.

It's like they say, you meet the most important people in your life in college.

You got a text from Tae telling you to video chat later. Once you got back from hanging out with your friends, you were in a rush to get your laptop opened and ready.

You heard the familiar Skype ring and you answered seeing the beautiful face you long missed. Even though it's only been a few hours.

"Hi." You pouted.

"Stop that." He gave you a hard look. "I'll see you in a week."

"I know but it's still hard."

"I know....but it's okay." He smiled.

"What are you doing?" You asked as he seemed to be getting ready to leave.

"I'm about to head over to your house actually." He had a slight smirk.

"My parents better not abuse you."

"They haven't before (Y/N)....I love your brother and sister."

"I know but have you looked into some schools for yourself?"

"Not yet....but I will."

"Okay." You sighed. You heard your door open followed by your noisy friends.

"I'll talk to you later." He stated. Putting his coat on.

You heard your friends finally get quiet but you paid no attention to them.

"I love you." He leaned down getting closer to the camera.

"I love you to." Your eyes got a little damp but you made sure to not let any tears out. You can do this. He will always be there for you, even if it's through a camera.

He waved and you both signed off. You shut the lid to your computer and turned around forgetting your friends made an entrance.

"Aw." They both said in sync. You rolled your eyes getting up from your desk.

"You guys are so cute." Seunghee said.

"And he's adorable." Brit spoke up.

"It will be okay.....remember what I told you."

"I know."

It's been a long lonely two weeks...

It was finally Friday when Taehyung said he was spending the weekend with you.

You were watching your phone the whole last ten minutes of your last class. You just couldn't wait any longer.

As soon as you reached your dorms, there he was leaning against his car. He gave you the biggest smile once he saw you pacing towards him.

"I missed you." You were wrapped into his arms.

You couldn't stop smiling.

"Did you really?" He grabbed your cheeks.

You nodded cutely. He couldn't help but laugh from seeing how happy you were.

You lead Tae inside the dorms, all the way towards your room. You were on the second floor. Once you entered you were surprised that it was empty.

Maybe Seunghee assumed you wanted privacy?

"Nice room." He looked around.

"You mean nice prison cell." You joked.

"Stop....it's Not that bad." He smirked.

He leaned down kissing you like he hadn't seen you in a long time. You were swept off your feet. Drugged by his touch. He gently laid you on top of your bed, deepening the kiss.

You were over excited and couldn't help your wandering hands. He stopped kissing you once he felt you reach into his boxers.

"Maybe it's not the best time."

Maybe he's right? Even though Seunghee was aware of you and Taehyung' s whereabouts, that doesn't mean she could walk in at any moment.

"Yeah....maybe later." You bit your lip.

Tae gave you a menacing glare but quickly changed to amusement. "I told you not to do that."

"What ya gonna do about it?" You mocked.

He stared at you for a few seconds before jabbing you into your side's tickling you.

"Stop." You yelled laughing. "I'll pee."

Just as you kept squirming, the door opened signaling you both to look towards the right direction.

"Oh my god....I'm so sorry." Seunghee turned around heading out.

"Seunghee wait....we're clean." You laughed. She turned back around entering your room.

"I figured you were....you know."

"Nah."

"Oh....I would of." She winked.

"Anyway....it's So nice to meet you." She said as soon as you and Tae stood up greeting your friend. "She never shuts up about you." He shook her hand.

"So are we going to double tonight?"

"Yeah...if you don't mind." You looked at Tae

"Of course not, sounds like fun."

"Yay....let me go get Youngjae." She almost tripped out the door overly excited. Yes Seunghee was that friend. The clumsy one, especially since she was a happy virus.

"I have exciting news." Tae started as you were waiting for Seunghee and Youngjae to arrive. You took separate vehicles.

"I enrolled in school." Your eyes lit up. "The auditions for the spring enrollment is in two months."

"Yay....I'm So proud, your grandma will be proud." You wrapped your arms around his shoulders.

"Its just an audition....I might not make it."

"That's impossible." You kissed him tenderly.

"Hey P.D.A." You heard Seunghee. Her and Youngjae greeted you both and sat across the table.

"I wouldn't be talking." You smirked at your friend.

"What do you mean?" She looked at you.

You couldn't help but giggle from Youngjae pointing fingers at Seunghee from behind. It got her attention and she caught him in the act.

She playfully hit him in the chest with a groan. "Your suppose to side with me."

"She makes me do it." He acted.

"Shut up." She then looked at you. "So (Y/N) told me you sing?"

"A little." Taehyung said sweetly.

"He's going to Seoul for Performing arts."

"I don't know yet.....I have to audition." He corrected.

"Yeah but I know you will make it." You said excited. You were happy for Taehyung.

"That's amazing....Youngjae can sing....but I don't know how since he yells 90% of the day."

"That's not true." He whined.

"Yes it is."

"No."

You loved how Seunghee and Youngjae were basically a married couple already. They fought like this constantly but it was pretty much playful.

"Shut up." You glared at them both.

Taehyung laughed, between you glaring at them and them staring at you stunned.

By the end of dinner you felt relieved there was no awkwardness. Taehyung was a social butterfly so he fit in pretty well with your weird friends. Him and Youngjae were talking a lot as well, typical guy stuff, which was fine since Seunghee can talk to you about what she wanted to talk about.

"You have nice friends here." You could tell he meant it.

The little taste he got of your home friends was very disappointing and he knew you haven't been very fond with them over the summer.

"They're all right." You grinned.

He opened his car door for you. You were planning on just watching movies for the rest of the night in your dorm. Seunghee mention going to hangout around town for a little longer so you had no idea what time she would be back.

When you pulled up to your dorms, you were both hesitant to step out of the vehicle.

"I have a question?" You started. Taehyung glanced at you curious.

"Did you tell your parents?"

"....No." He looked down. "I'm afraid."

You looked at him. "Why?"

"Because, that farm means a lot to my parents and I don't know how to tell them I'm leaving."

"They will understand....parents raise you to be independent....to make a life of your own."

He sadly pursued his lips. "I know, I just can't help but feel guilty."

"I doubt they will feel that way, if anything they will feel proud."

"You think?" He asked.

"I know." You smiled.

He leaned in kissing you once again that day that had you mesmerize. You took the next step, climbing on top of his lap in front of the steering wheel.

You missed this feeling of being so intimate with him. His soft lips against yours.

You felt his hand wander down your side until they laid gently on your thigh. You moved your lips down his jaw, leaving every part of him untouched.

"What if someone sees us?" Taehyung said out of breath.

"I've seen worse here." You giggled.

You kissed him once again as you dug in deeper into his hips. You both were in the moment that you didn't care if anyone saw you. The way you were rocking yours hips was setting him off. As you wanted.

You reached down unbuckling his jeans and already had him out in a swift motion. You started to jerk your hand up and down his member while you continued to kiss him deeply. You loved hearing his soft moans against your lips.

You felt Taehyung act fast, pulling your pants down as well. You giggled from his failed attempt, since you were in an awkward position. You moved on your own quickly to undress your bottom half and quickly jump back into his lap.

"Maybe I should wear a skirt around you."

"Maybe you shouldn't." He smirked. "You're a bad influence."

"Am not "

"Are too."

You arched your eyebrows. "I'm sorry for being a bad girl." You said as you were one of those girls in those messed up pornos.

Taehyung didn't say anything he just pulled you back in to kiss you again. You once again grabbed his member but this time guiding it to where you needed it most. You slowly slid down adjusting to his size. Two weeks is a long time.

You started rocking against him at a steady pace. You didn't want to rush your time together since you were in control.

"I never asked you this before but do you like me leading?" You said already out of breath.

"Fuck yes." You laughed at his response.

You grabbed the overhead handle as you both picked up the pace. He was holding onto your hips as he pushed upward into You, causing more friction you couldn't handle.

You felt disappointed that you already felt that familiar feeling develop.

"There's people out there watching." Taehyung said in a panic.

You turned around and saw a few girls near the college dorms doors staring in your direction. Some of them looked shocked as some looked amused. Honestly you felt more turned on, weirdly.

"Let's give them a show." You picked up your pace again. Taehyung leaned forward lifting your shirt. He pulled down your bra so he could suck every inch of your chest

"I'm almost there." You moaned.

The windows were pretty foggy at this point so you felt like people watching wouldn't bother watching as much.

You felt weak as you finally hit your high. You pulled off of Tae and started pumping his member once again since he still hasn't reach his climax. He leaned his head back on the car seat feeling your movement's. You couldn't help but smile from how cute he sounded at this point.

You moved your hand quicker and his breath hitch so you knew he was almost there. A few seconds later, he released into your hand. It was the first time you actually observed it this time. You felt yourself blush.

"You made a mess." You said sarcastically.

He looked at you then down blushing. Again, it was cute. You took one finger and licking it clean. Taehyung looked at you quite stunned.

"You ready to go watch some movies?"

You grabbed a plaid shirt in the back and started wiping up the mess. You got fully dressed and made yourself out of the car. You felt Tae sighed in relief that those girls were gone.

"What are you doing with that?" He asked pointing at his plaid shirt now covered in the sticky substance.

"I'm going to wash it and then I'll see if you get back." He smiled at your response.

He held your hand as you both made it inside to an empty room. You watched movies until you basically fell asleep.

For the past month you felt like everything has been going well. Taehyung usually spends the weekend with you one week, then the next week you spend your time home visiting home and Tae. You didn't feel lonely anymore. You were doing well in school, Taehyung was part of your friends squad now. It was great.

But then.....

This past week you haven't heard a peep from Taehyung. It was already Saturday when it was his turn to visit you but every call went straight to voice mail and no text has been answered. What was going on?

You knew he was okay and breathing since he would randomly text you saying 'sorry he's not feeling good' or 'he's busy'. happens

"Hey where's Tae?" Seunghee and Youngjae entered the room.

"I don't know....he hasn't responded?"

"Still?" She knew he hasn't been active lately. "Maybe you should go home tonight." She suggested.

"Yeah good idea." You started to pack your things and when you were about to make your way out the door your phone rang.

"My mom's calling?" You said as your two friends stared at you concerned.

"Mom?"

"Hi dear.....are we picking you up Wednesday or are you driving?"

You felt extremely confused. What did she mean?

"What are you talking about, I have school?" You said slowly.

"Oh no..." She said more to herself.

What was going on? You felt your heart beating rapidly.

"He didn't tell You." She said sadly.

"Tell me What?"

It took her some time to finally say it. "Taehyung's grandmother passed away."

You dropped your phone stunned at the news.

"(Y/N)? What's wrong?" Seunghee looked at you.

Just then you felt your stomach begin to tremble.

[authoradj]

Welcome to the Current Binge!

So you may be wondering what is the first show I will be reviewing. Well, I’m not gonna lie, I love a lot of TV shows. And there’s a lot of shows I love to re-watch at nauseam. So much so my husband likes to make a face when he sees I’m watching another TV show I’ve already seen twenty times before.

Well what can I say, I watch what I like, over and over again.

So with that being said, this is how it’s going to work. Each week I’ll binge-watch a season of a show. Usually, that will include binge-watching the entire series, but hey isn’t that the point. With that season I’ll give you an overview of the season and my opinion on it, and I’ll do an actual review of what I think is a stand-out episode of that season, along with giving you a score, usually a number out of ten. Depending on the show, I could be spending my main focus on that one series for several weeks. But you know how good Television goes.

Now let's find out what the first TV series binge is… drum roll, please…

It’s the X-Files!

Now most of my 80’s babies and older are very well acquainted with this show, along with some 90’s babies and younger. However, I never watched this show back in the ’90s.

I remember the whole trope, ‘The Truth is out There’ and ‘Don’t watch this show alone’, but I just never really got into it.

Well recently with the state of how everything is in the world, it made me nostalgic for what I firmly believe was the best decades of our time, the 1990’s.

And while I was looking for a show that brought me back to that amazing era that I in all honestly miss way too damn much, I wasn’t really feeling the same old shows that I’ve watched before. For example, Friends, The Simpsons, Saved by the Bell, Beverly Hills 90210. I wanted the 90’s but I didn’t want that version of the ’90s, I wanted something I never bothered with, so I decided to look for something that was new for me.

It didn’t take long, thanks to Hulu, before I found the X-Files and remembered what a smash hit was when I was a kid growing up. So I figured, heh, why not, give it a shot.

So I watched the first season, and while the first couple of episodes did stand out for me, I found the rest of the season to be insanely boring. I’m not sure if it was Moulders droned out monotone voice, the fact that Scully goes on and on about not being a believer, even though the evidence is right freaking there, or all the damn tech speak about all the crap that goes on. Either way, for me the first season was quite the bore, except for one, solitary episode.

Another drum roll, please.

Season 1: Episode 12, ‘Fire’

This episode is especially noteworthy because it has the one and only Mark Shepard.

For those of you who don’t know who Mark is, he is a god among nerds showing up just about everywhere. He’s been in Doctor Who, Firefly, and not to mention he’s the King of Hell in the very popular series, Supernatural.

I recently got the honor to meet Mark at a horror convention not too long ago, and can not express enough about what a sweet guy the man is. Love you, Mark.

Back to the episode.

Now, for those of you that don’t know what the X-Files is all about, it’s basically about two FBI agents investigating the spooky and the unknown. They find out whatever the facts are about the case and try to speculate what they can’t figure out into fact.

Growing up I thought it was always about chasing after space aliens, but it wasn’t until you actually watch the series that you find out it’s about a lot more than that.

In the episode ‘Fire’ you meet a Pyromaniac that takes his love of ‘Fire’ to the utmost extreme.

It starts off as just a regular day with a man going off to work and saying goodbye to his family. As he says goodbye he somehow catches on fire, which appears to be a case of spontaneous human combustion. In translation, he catches on fire for no apparent reason. His family looks at him in complete horror except for one little innocent PyroManiac, Cecil L'ively, who happens to be the family’s gardener. Cecil just looks on, kinda looks aroused as everyone looks in horror.

Oh yeah, it gets better.

From there we meet our stars, Moulder and Scully who meet up with Phoebe Green, a detective from London and Moulder’s former main squeeze. She tells them about an arsonist after the British aristocracy and loves to use Fire as his weapon of choice, allowing him to burn his victims alive. This guy is increasingly hard to catch because he manages to leave no trace evidence.

The guy uses fire, I would think that would be the point.

His current target is Sir Malcolm Marsden, an Englishman who’s with his family in Cape Cod trying to stay safe from our little Pyromaniac. However, he’s not as safe as he may think.

Cecil, of course, being the devious villain that he is, already knows where his target is, takes out the current caretaker of the home where our victims are planning on staying, and makes himself out to be an all-American boy. Not only that, he calls himself Bob. How much more American can you get?

This guy is so far gone that he even burns down a bar for no apparent reason, other than the fact he loves to watch shit burn. Burn baby burn.

After learning about this Bar Fire, Moulder and Scully interview one of the victims and find out that our little PyroManic is somehow able to will fire into existence. He can literally make something burn out of mid-air.

Meanwhile, our victim's driver is sick with a pretty bad cough and no one really knows why, how convenient, wouldn’t you say. So they ask Bob to be the good standing American that he is and drive our Victims family to an important social function in Boston.

Moulder joins the party, while Scully stays behind to do some extra work, But she eventually joins the party. Upon her arrival, she spots our PyroManiac who has a curious eye on her when the Fire Alarm goes off. The Fire seems to be coming from our victim’s room where his children are sleeping peacefully, or at least they were. Moulder tries to be the hero but ends up choking and the kids end up being saved by Bob, again how convenient.

Moulder goes to the hospital for smoke inhalation and Scully joins him, mostly to talk about the case. Scully is convinced that Bob is our Fire lover based on the accounts that happened at the bar, not to mention the police sketch that was done by one of the witnesses.

Heading back to the house where the victims are staying, they find the sick driver having literally burned from the inside out, hovering over a bathroom toilet.

Eep!

Upon finding the driver's body the house catches on fire and the kids need to be saved again, only this time Moulder is the hero.

Took him long enough!

Scully finds our beloved PyroManiac and holds him at gunpoint, but unfortunately can’t fire when she finds out there’s rocket fuel painted on the house. But our little English detective comes in and throws a can of rocket fuel at his face, making him catch fire.

The episode ends with our beloved PyroManiac awaiting trial in a medical facility while healing from his massive wounds. He graciously tells his nurse that he’s dying for a cigarette.

Now there are many reasons this is a stand-out episode, but the main reason is Mark Shepard. His constantly walking around with a cigarette in his mouth looking like James Dean makes him positively swoon-worthy.

Not to mention those eyes.

Oh, those eyes.

Those eyes I swear belonged to the devil himself, there is just no other way to describe what you see when you look into the PyroManiac's eyes. It makes him just that more sinister and awesome at the same time. I swear every time I looked at them, I saw the evil lord of hell. Which is funny because he ends up becoming just that in another little show that I’ll probably end up bingeing at a later date.

*Wink, Wink*

Overall I gave this episode a solid 10 out of 10, while the rest of the season was a 5 out of 10.

While this episode was just plain fantastic, the rest of the season as I said before was just plain boring. Too much mumbo jumbo talk if you ask me, with not enough suspense to really grab the attention of the audience. Of course, this is my opinion. I’m sure there are plenty of X-File fans going:

‘Is she serious, the first season is awesome.’

*Shrugs Shoulders*

Hopefully, the rest of the series will stand out as I’ve heard that it has.

See ya next season.

[drdanwrites]

Magical Office Episode 1 : Introductions

MY MY! I must say I’ve become very popular since my mystery post about my new series. Anyway here is my Office x Fantastic Beasts crossover. Things you need to understand before you read this. As The Office is done in a documentary style, I’d decided to write this fan fiction as a script. Meaning the actions will be in italics and the person who is speaking will have their name in bold. Hopefully this makes sense and reads okay for you guys. This first episode is just going to be an introductory episode to all my characters and for you to get a feel for the style. There are a couple of made of characters that are based on different characters in The Office, but only one person knows who is who ;). Also please note that I am fully aware that Newt is from the 1920′s/30′s and cameras were not invented...for the sake of the fanfiction, let's bring Newt to the 20th century ;)! Thanks to you wonderful people. Once again thank you to my bestie @fantasticnewtimagines for all the loving support!! Enjoy! <3 

Camera zooms in on you. You stand at the entrance of a corridor of office rooms. There are people walking around and you try to flag someone done, but they are all too entranced with what they are doing and they don't notice. You look into the camera.

Y/N: I'm new, I'm just trying to find Newt Scamander?

The camera motions to the first office. The door has claw marks running down it and is scorched in the corner. You walk over to it, awkwardly thanking the camera man as you scoot past him. You hesitantly knock on the door. Behind the door, rustling can be heard and a loud bang. As you open the door to find out what happened to the person within, a little black creature scurries out and runs past the camera. A man in a long blue coat follows and collides with you.

Newt: Bugger! He's escaped again.

Y/N: Are you Newt? I'm Y/N, I'm here to work as your assistant? Minister Parkinson hired me last week?

(Newt scratches his head trying to remember. Suddenly he looks over into the camera and his eyes continue to look back as you speak. Uneasy about their presence.)

Newt: Oh those bloody cameras.

(Newt looks at the camera. A voice is heard from behind the camera man.)

Director: Come on Newt we talked about this.

- NEWT INTERVIEW-

Director: It's just a documentary for the wizarding world. You know, to show people the inner lives of the average Ministry worker.

(Newt fidgets with his bow tie and accidently undoes it from nerves.)

Newt: I-I-I'm not sure how comfortable I am with all this.

(He continues to try and retie his bow, but keeps fumbling over his fingers and he keeps trying to make eye contact with the camera.)

Director: Don't sweat it Mr. Scamander. Just pretend like the camera isn't even here. We'll take you in to ask questions every now and then but otherwise, just go about as your normal Scamander self.

(Finally Newt proceeds to get a hold of himself and begins to redo his tie and completes the task.)

Director: Don't sweat it Mr. Scamander. Why don't you just give us a brief introduction.

(The camera goes in and out of focus while it tries to capture Newt's face. He blinks rapidly to try and gain confidence as he looks shyly into the camera.)

Newt: Hi...ummm...I'm Newton Artemis Fido Scamander... not sure why I gave you my full name... people just call me Newt. I work in the department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. I recently just joined the ugh...umm...beasts division. I've been with the ministry for 5 years now. My family is very involved in the ministry, so naturally I joined on. Need to keep up with the family. Unfortunately, Magizoology isn't a glamorous ministry job.

( Newt sits in his chair visibly uncomfortable. He tries various positions but ends up settling into his normal position of having his leg cross over his other knee.)

Newt: The minister feels I'm kind of a lose cannon.

( Newt runs a hand nervously through his hair, his wand in his hand.) Therefore he thinks I have a need for an assistant. So I do believe my day will be sent getting her acquainted with the office.

- END OF NEWT INTERVIEW -

(Newt looks back from the camera to you and taps his lips with his wand. )

Newt: Yes, yes Y/N. Minister Parkinson did say you would be starting today. It's a pleasure to meet you. I hope I won't make your job too difficult. I know I can be a bit eccentric.

( The camera focuses on your face.)

Y/N: Eccentric doesn't bother me in the least, Mr. Scamander.

Newt: Oh, please call me Newt. Let me introduce you to the others in our little corridor here.

(Newt begins to walk to you and the camera follows behind. As you come up to the door across the hall from Newt's, you see crazy designs and odd thumping of what sounded like music. Newt knocked on the door, there is no answer so Newt slowly opens the door. In the middle of a room is an older fatter man wearing a baseball cap backwards with a t-shirt with basketball shorts that are too big and are halfway down his legs, boxers exposed. He turns while dancing and sees Newt and you standing in the doorway. He quickly dances over to his boom box and turns down the music. The camera pans over to you and Newt. Newt gives the camera an expressionless stare as if to say he has no words for how embarrassing this is. You just keeps blinking, hoping that as some point your mind will etch this out of your memory).

Robert Biggleswade: Newt! What's cracking my homie.

(He sees your blank stare at him and shakes your hand.)

Robert Biggleswade: I'm Robert Biggleswade.

Newt: Yes, Yes sorry Biggleswade, this is Y/N Y/L. She's my new assistanct.

( Newt shakes his head and squints his eyes trying to unsee everything that just happened.)

Robert Biggleswade: I'm in the Muggle Liasion Department. I get the shiz done!

- Robert Biggleswade Interview -

Robert Biggleswade: Yeah dude, I'm totally hip with all the muggle slang. I've been in this position for nearly 30 years. I eat, sleep, dream and brush my teeth with muggle studies. Check it, one day I found these old brick things and I put them in this here brink player (He holds up a VCR) and I watched all these moving images that tell really rad stories. So when I saw these I was like listen homie, I don't play no games and I decided to step up my game and live the muggle lifestyle. Fo sho.

- End of Robert Biggleswade -

(The camera focuses on Newt and you as he closes the door and begins to walk with you to the next door.)

Y/N: Is, is he alright?

Newt: Yeah, he found a muggle movie viewing device and watched a lot of movies from the 80's and 90's. He's kinda gone a little overboard with it. He's an odd one.

Y/N: Umm yeah that's a bit of an under statement and he represents wizards when he talks to muggles?

Newt: They don't send him out on jobs anymore. I think the only reason he's still here is they feel bad and because he's been here so long, they just figure if they give him odd jobs now and again it keeps him content.

(You two reach the next door. The outside of the door is enchanted with falling rose petals and flowers. Newt pushes them away from him as he knocks and opens the door. The room is filled with girly decorations and the sounds of chitter chatter. A woman sits at her desk chatting away on the phone.)

Bridget Kent: That's what I'm saying though, it's so ridiculous they'd have to believe it. Ummm that's what I'm trying to tell you. Just do it and let me know what they say. (She gets off the phone and looks up and Newt and you. She excitedly gets up from her desk and comes to meet you both.)

Newt:Bridget Kent, this is Y/N Y/L. She's just starting today as my assistant. Bridget here works for the Muggle-worthy excuse committee.

(Bridget grabs yours hands and jumps up and down.)

Bridget Kent: Oh my God, I am so excited to have another girl here to talk to. Oh my God, it gets crazy boring with all these guys. No offense Newt. Oh my God, I swear we are going to be like best friends...

)As Bridget carries on, you just politely smile and try to take in all of her energy. Newt smirks next to you, hiding it under his hand.)

- Bridget Kent Interview

Bridget Kent: I love my job cause it's like I get to tell all these stories and make people believe it. Like say there's a big like magical outbreak and you're like oh my God, we can't have these muggles think we're all wizards and stuff so we have to explain it and stuff. I get to be like oh well just tell them blah blah blah. I'm like a really amazing story teller. I love making up stuff and talking.... I mea--

-END OF BRIDGET KENT INTERVIEW-

Y/N: You did that on purpose.

Newt: I have no idea what you're talking about.

(The camera catches you smiling and shaking your head at Newt for allowing Bridget to talk up a storm about the latest muggle excuse she was working on and hugging you with promises of the greatest friendship the ministry will ever see. You both continue walking down the hall to a larger room of two desks. A younger man sits at one desk. He looks very normal and well groomed. The other desk doesn't seem to have an owner. Newt walks up to the man behind his desk and shakes hand. You follow and so the same.)

Rodger Skye: Hi Newt. Is this the new assistant?

Newt: Yes this is Y/N Y/L. This is her first day. Brought her around to Bridget and Biggleswade already.

Rodger Skye: And you're still here. Well that's a miracle.

Y/N: Wow… sorry you're very… well… normal… I guess I'm kind of waiting for something crazy to happen.

RODGER SKYE INTERVIEW

Rodger Skye: (He sits relaxed in the chair seemingly exhausted from what is his life.) What do you guys want from me? I work for the International Magical Office of Law department. Nothing special. Mostly my job is babysitting the corridor. My office mate is like a toddler so I mostly just watch after her. (The camera can see the sinking realization that life kind of got away from him as he whispers,) I don't get paid enough...

-END OF RODGER SKYE INTERVIEW-

(Newt nods his head over to the open desk.)

Newt: How is Claire today?

(Rodger lets out a sigh of annoyance and runs over to her desk. He grunts as he leans over the chair and pulls up a sleeping Claire Manchester. She is asleep with her mouth open and sunglasses over her eyes.)

Rodger Skye: She got bored so she but some fire whiskey in her tea. I think she ended up drinking the whole bottle.

(The camera captures a empty bottle of fire whiskey next to her desk. Rodger gets her situated in the chair and props her head with her arm on the desk.)

Y/N: What's with the glasses?

Rodger Skye: It's an idea I got from one of Biggleswade's Muggle Movies. I know Minister Parkinson is coming by today, so I just figure he'll think she's just hung-over like usual.

-CLAIRE MANCHESTER INTERVIEW -

( Claire sits in the chair, motionless. Her head is pointed to the camera. The camera zooms into the glare of her sunglasses to reveal Rodger in the background. As the camera zooms back out of Claire's face, a charm is muttered in the background and Claire's mouth begins to move but Rodger's voice comes out, higher pitched and with a bad Irish accent.)

Rodger Skye as Claire Manchester: Ello thar laddies, I'm Claire Manchester from Belfast. I work in the Ludicrous Patent Office. Hardy Hardy Ha.

(The camera turns around as Rodger put her wand down.)

Rodger Skye: What? Is that all you need from her?

( The camera nodds in agreement and Rodger puts a charm on Claire's body and carries her out of the interview room.)

- END OF CLAIRE MANCHESTER INTERVIEW -

Newt:You wouldn't of happen to seen Niffler around here at some point? He took off when Y/N came in this morning.

Rodger Skye: Have you tried Milton's office? You know Niffler loves his ministry awards. Has she met Milton yet?

( There is a crash and the camera flashes to Milton Leighton's office. It is in mass disaster as Niffler runs around trying to take cover from Milton's wand fires.)

Milton Leighton: I've got you know you little runt!

(Newt runs in with you and automatically summons Niffler with the accio charm. Niffler comes out from his hiding spot and slams into Newt's chest as he shoves Niffler in his coat's inner pocket.)

Milton Leighton: NEWT! That's the 3rd time this week that little pest has wreak havoc on my office! Next I take him to the Pest Advisory Board.

Newt: Oh come on Milton, he's just a little curious... and you know he loves your shiny awards.

- MILTON LEIGHTON INTERVIEW -

Milton Leighton: Yes, I have a lot of awards. I work hard here. I don't waste my time like half of my ridiculous co-workers. I've been working here for 15 years in the Improper Use of Magic division. Soon I will be the best Auror the wizarding world has ever seen. I was top of my class at Hogwarts and I even went to extra classes to excel past every student there ever was or will be. I am best friends with the Minister and therefore it's only a matter of time before I'm out of the rejects office and into an Auror's office.

-END OF MILTON LEIGHTON INTERVIEW -

(As Newt and Milton continue to argue, you try to use your assistant skills and diffuse the situation. The camera moves from this scene to see Minister Parkinson walking in. He looks at the camera and makes a face that says 'what is going on here?'. The camera doesn't answer him so he instead walks over to the group and gets involved.)

Minister Parkinson: Alright, Alright you two, what is it this time?

Milton Leighton: ( His demeanor changes drastically and he smiles at Parkinson.) Minister, how are you this morning? It is just brilliant to see you gracing us with your presence.

Minister Parkinson: Okay okay Milton, get to the point. Why are we having a bit of a spat here?

Milton Leighton: Newt's niffler got lost again! Just look at my office.

Minister Parkinson: Awww come now Milton. He's just a cute little guy! Just charm your office clean, what's wrong with your wand, man!

Milton Leighton:(Milton seems defeated.) Yes sir. (He retreats back to his office and shuts the door.)

Minister Parkinson: Well I'm going to go make my rounds. Nice to see you survived your first encounter with Newt's mishaps, Ms. Y/L.

(Minister Parkinson nods to both of them and walks off down the hallway. Newt and you turn to each other and chuckle at all the crazy characters you had encountered. The camera follows you both into his office. He shows you to your desk and you begin to get comfortable. The camera zooms in on Newt, who for once isn't paying attention to the camera. Instead he is staring at you, with a small thoughtful smile peering on his face.)

-NEWT'S INTERVIEW-

Newt:(His head is tilted down slightly and he rubs his forehead with a single finger as a playful smile spreads across his face.) I think she's going to make a great addition to the office.

(The camera quickly flashes back to Newt starring at you as he quickly realizes how creepy he's being and automatically sits down as his own desk and begins working. The camera pans out to see Newt working and reading papers as you begin to unpack your box of belongings.)

-END OF NEWT'S INTERVIEW-

-End of First Episode-

Thank you so much for reading. I’m sorry if this seems rushed, but I wanted to get out the first episode and make sure I introduce all my characters so we can get to the story!! I look forward to hearing your responses for this episode and the series as a whole. Thanks everyone! xx 

Peace. Love. Chicken Grease.

[forwyk]

Tagged by @markleesgiggle - thank u for tagging me lad ❤️ we gotta talk more!!!

Rules: Answers these 92 statements and tag 20 people

LAST:

1. Drink: coke

2. Phone Call: the local chinese to order my sister her dinner

3. Text message: my friend talking to me about this thing I applied to nd helping me word my reply

4. Song you listened to: Pırlanta - Demet Akalın // HONESTLY LADS THIS IS SUCH A BOP

5. Time you cried: like,, so much this week bc I miss a big part of my family. More specifically tho, this morning nd for the same reason

6. Dated someone twice: lads I haven't even went out w someone once

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nopeee. But I have dodged a kiss nd regretted it?

8. Been cheated on: nah m8

9. Lost someone special: yup

10. Been depressed: don't think so

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: the most I've ever gotten is tipsy so nope, no throwing up

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12-14. blue, black and white (but not blue nd black together no thank u)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: new acquaintances I guess? but not really friend-friends. online though @taestyhoe​

16. Fallen out of love: nah

17. Laughed until you cried: yes omw the other day my sister chocked on her ice cream out of nowhere nd the noise was so funny 😂😂😂🙈 I laughed so much I ended up crying nd winding myself :') but seriously, I've laughed so much these past 2 weeks :'))

18. Found out someone was talking about you: boi have I omw, ngl it hurt like heck but what can u do

19. Met someone who changed you: mhm

20. Found out who your friends are: yup, it wasn't a v nice time nd I'm still not completely over it but I know who I can definitely depend on now, nd hopefully they know that they can depend on me too

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nearly

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all

23. Do you have any pets: a wee pupper

24. Do you want to change your name: not really but I also really like the spelling "Zehra" over "Zahra" so

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: had some friends over

26. What time did you wake up: around 9ish

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I think I was resting, either that or watching CBB

28. Name something you can’t wait for: to see the other half of my family again

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a wee minute ago

30. What is the one thing you wish you could change in your life: my health status? Like sometimes arthritis just,, it gets in the way nd it's v annoying. I've adjusted a lot but also ?? Plus my hands alongside that just.. they make me frustrated esp when I can't do what others my age can do smh. Also mental health?? Like I wanna be more ~stable~ than I am or at least have more effective coping mechanisms I guess sorry for all this oversharing whoops

31. What are you listening to right now: nothing

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my own nerves lmao

34. Most visited website: atm it's prolly google translate bc I've been trying to expand my Turkish vocabulary for talking to my cousins

35. Elementary: done

36. High School: done

37. College: find out soon but I don't wanna think about it

38. Haircolor: mostly brown

39. Long or short hair: sorta longish?

40. Do you have a crush on someone: kinda skdjfuejsnsnd

41. What do you like about yourself: I think I'm a good listener nd I always try to take other people feelings into consideration

42. Piercings: ears

43. Bloodtype: idk

44. Nickname: my surname

45. Relationship status: single

46. ???

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite TV Show: Chicago Typewriter yooooooo

49. Tattoos: not atm but I'd like a few

50. Right or left: right (handed??)

51. Surgery: I've had a few bc hands, tonsils nd arthritis lmao

52. Piercing: not fussed

53. Sport: haha

54. ???

55. Vacation: TURKEY OMW LADS I LOVE GOING THERE SM I GET TO SEE MY FAMILY ND SOME PALS ND I ALWAYS HAVE SUCH A LAUGH W MY COUSINS THE SUN CLEARS MY SKIN UP ND I LOVE THE FOOD TOO!!! IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT I HAVE SO MUCH LOVE FOR THE WEE PART I GO TO LIKE WHAT TH E HECK

56. Pair of trainers: converse

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: nothing

58. Drinking: nothing

59. I’m about to: idk yet, might footer abt nd go over some Turkish or watch tonight's ep of CBB

60. ???

61. Waiting for: results determining if I get into uni or not :)

62. Want: to be able to speak Turkish nd visit my Turkish family more often

63. Get married: yes pls

64. Career: I'd love to go into music journalism

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: hugs but I guess it depends on the situation hehe

66. Lips or eyes: lips

67. Shorter or taller: taller

68. Older or younger: older, but if they’re a wee tad younger than me idm

69. ???

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: stomach

71. Sensitive or loud: both

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: neither

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: nah m8

75. Drank hard liquor: I've had p strong stuff but nah

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: prolly

77. Turned someone down: well, a guy kept trying to say nd do stuff on snapchat but it made me uncomfortable so I ended the convo nd blocked him lmao, idk if this counts???

78. Sex in the first date: no thanku

79. Broken someones heart: doubt it

80. Had your heart broken: idk, don't think so

81. Been arrested: nah

82. Cried when someone died: yup

83. Fallen for a friend: nah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: idk?

85. Miracles: lowkey

86. Love at first sight: nah, like there may be an initial attraction but I don't believe you can love someone without knowing them

87. Santa Claus: I was told on Christmas Eve lol

88. Kiss in the first date: depends on the person

89. Angels: yes

OTHER:

90. Current best friends name: Laura, Hope, Ruth, Jess

91. Eyecolor: brown

92. Favorite movie: I'm not really a movie person but I do enjoy a wee watch of Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging

I tag @taestyhoe @taeyongfireeyes @angel-spices @bowtrckle @helzo-has-a-blog @fangirllingsince1995 @imxjaebeom @twinmoless and @sugadaddytaeyong

[chill-pill-life]

SEVENTEEN GOING TO A CHRISTMAS PARTY (FEAT. BTS)

Episode Three: Seventeen attends a Christmas Party at Bangtan’s Dorm.

Jin: “Hello beautiful people, welcome to our humble dorm. My name is Jin the princess, feel free to make yourself at home, but please do not enter the room at the far end of the dorm that has a pink door, it is strictly out of bounds”

Mingyu: “Why? What’s in there?”

Jin: “I said it’s out of bounds”

Woozi: “Imma take a nap on this sofa, wake me up when this is finally over”

Suga: “It’s like looking in the mirror, I shall name you yoongi junior”

Scoups: “Their dorm’s bigger than ours and we have thirteen people!” *rAgE*

Vernon: “At least we have more toilets than they do, right?”

Rap Monster: “Hello everyone, thank you for coming to Bangtan’s annual Christmas party, I would like to make a toast.”

Rap Monster: “Memories that are made when it is with the ones you love are the most beautiful ones. I am most thankful for all of you on this cold Christmas day, thank you for making it a warm one, cheers”

Hoshi: “Coups hyung why can’t you say wise stuff like that?”

Scoups: “Shut it Hosh”

*Meanwhile on the adventures of our favourite 97 liners*

Mingyu: “I wonder…. what magical creatures lies behind this pink door”

The8: “But Jin said not to go in…”

Mingyu: “Huh? What? Who?"

DK: "Oh dang, its locked”

Jungkook: “I have the key” *slowly raises key*

DK: “Where did you get that?”

Jungkook: “I stole it, Jin hyung hid the key in his super mario coin pouch” *smiles like a little child*

The8: *whispers to mingyu* “Who is he and when did he get here??”

Mingyu: “what did YOU JUST SAY? DID YOU JUST ASK ME WHO HE IS?! How can you not know who Jungkook is?!!”

The8: “I did NOT ask you that ewgyu”

Mingyu: “Yeah you did, you just asked me that like 3 seconds ago and did you just call me ewgyu?!”

Jungkook: “…”

DK: “Don’t mind them Jungkook, they are always arguing but they secretly love each other”

Mingyu & The8: “WE DO NOT.”

Jungkook: *unlocks door to Jin’s room*

The8: “Thughao down thughao down. Too. Much. Pink. AHHHHHH”

Jungkook: “I always wondered what Jin hyung’s room looked like….. but this is EXACTLY how I pictured it to be in my mind….. pink and filled with super marios….” *smh*

Mingyu: “Hey Seokmin! Oh look! It’s you!”

DK: “Where?”

Mingyu: *points at donkey kong figurine*

DK: “Do I really need to remind you what DK stands for?"

Mingyu: "D is for Donkey, K is for Kong”

DK: “It’s so obvious that you haven’t been listening to anything I’ve ever said”

Mingyu: “oooohhhh what’s this?” *picks up Yoshi figurine*

The8: “What did I tell you guys, he has an attention span of a squirrel”

Mingyu: “It’s name is… hoshi?”

Mingyu: “Hoshi hyung is that you?”

The8: “It clearly says Yoshi”

Jungkook: “Okay. I’m bored, I’m leaving, bye guys”

The8: “What was his name again?”

Mingyu: “YOU DONT KNOW WHO JEON JUNGKOOK IS?!!!”

The8: “Why do I even try”

DK: “Put that down Mingyu before you cause some serious damage like you always do”

Mingyu: “I do not, what an outrageous thing to say… I am offend-” *hits glass display case for figurines*

*display case falls and smashes into smithereens*

Mingyu: “whoops”

DK: “God dammit gyu”

Joshua: “So I heard you guys went to America in your rookie days, how was it?”

Jimin: “Yeah! It was great! I met a guy named Tony and he was really nice to me!”

Joshua: “Well when I came to Korea, I met a really nice guy named Jeonghan"

Jimin: "I think I was his favourite out of the entire Bangtan”

Joshua: “I think he was my favourite out of all the Seventeen members”

Jimin: “and he had a cute nickname for me, he called me chim chim”

Joshua: “my nickname for him is angel, because he is an angel that has such a beautiful heart and also beautiful hair. Every time I look at him, it’s as if there’s a glow around him- wait who were you talking about again?”

Jimin: “Tony?”

Joshua: “Who dat?”

V: “Hey want to hear a joke about paper?”

Jun: “No, not really…”

V: “Never mind its tear-able”

Jun: “Oh god”

V: “I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it”

Vernon: “That doesn’t sound like an effective way of dieting”

Wonwoo: “But I can’t eat seafood” TT

Jun: “Please stop”

V: “Okay I got some Christmas ones!”

V: “What do you call a broke Santa?”

Wonwoo: “poor…?”

V: “Saint-NICKEL-LESS! Get it?”

Wonwoo: “Jun… I don’t get it”

V: “What do you call a rude reindeer?”

Vernon: “… disrespectful?” i call it seokmin, but call it whatever you want

V: “RUDEdolph HAHAHAHHAAH” *claps hands uncontrollably*

Jun: “Someone take me back to China….”

Jhope: “I’m your hope! I’m Jhope!”

Jeonghan: “I’m Jeonghan and my hair brings people hope”

Dino: “No it doesn’t….”

Jeonghan: “Hush child, you’re too young to understand about the hopes my hair brings to this world”

Dino: *pouts*

Jungkook: “tell me about it, the downfalls of being the maknae”

Dino: “I know right? Even though I’m cute and squishy and I can get my way when I act cute-”

Jungkook: “But they treat you like a fetus even when you’re 90 years old and the only food you can probably eat is mush”

Dino: “I think I just found my new best friend” *tears up*

Jin: “Okay…. Which dumbass went into my room?!”

97 Line: *looks away*

Jin: “You!”

Mingyu: “Who? Me?!?”

Jin: “Yeah you, tall one. It was you wasn’t it!”

Mingyu: “What. NO”

Jin: “I know it’s you, I followed your snot trail and it led me to you!”

Seungkwan: “Now that is just plain nasty”

Jin: “You broke my glass display and my super marios are now covered in glass!”

Seungkwan: “Damage level percentage prediction: 99.3%”

Scoups: “What in the world Kim Mingyu, I leave you alone and you wreck someone’s room?!!”

Rap Monster: “Alright everyone, let’s just take a deep breath and calm down-”

Jin: “Calm DOWN?! You’re telling me to calm down? What if this snot boy went into your room and wrecked your Ryan bears?”

Rap Monster: “Woah woahhh why are you bringing my Ryan bears into this”

Jin: “Oh yeah that reminds me, you broke my beloved refrigerator door, god of destruction”

Joshua: “I am not acquainted with the god you speak of”

Rap Monster: "What… I bought you a new one to replace the broken one”

Jin: “It can never replace the love I have for the old one Namjoon, it had two doors and this one has only one! The old one had an ice dispenser on the outside so I named it Icy, it was so beautiful.” *dabs eyes with tissue*

Jin: “I remember it like it was yesterday, one fine day I was using it, I pressed the button and it dispensed ice into my caramel macchiato and then the very next day someone broke Icy’s door right off her body. R.I.P Icy the refrigerator”

V: “We will never forget your sacrifice for us” *takes off hat in respect and bows*

Rap Monster: "I can just buy you an ice dispenser if you want one that badly”

Jin: “ITS NOT THE SAME!”

Scoups: “Okay children, let’s get out before he remembers about Mingyu…"

Seventeen: *creeps out slowly*

Vernon: "PSSSTTT WOOZI HYUNG LET’S GO”

Woozi: “I ain’t leaving this place, I finally found my family”

Vernon: “But we’re your family…”

Suga: “Not anymore you’re not”

Scoups: “I’ve failed as a leader, all those years I spent training with you Woozi, all the tears I shed… did it not mean anything to you Jihoon? Our friendship-”

Hoshi: “YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME WOOZI MY LOVE!! IF YOU’RE NOT LEAVING, IM NOT LEAVING THIS PLACE EITHERRRR” *superglues butt on sofa*

Woozi: “Okay you know what, Soonyoung why not you stay here and I’ll leave”

Hoshi: “NO WAIT TAKE ME WITH YOU!”

Suga: “Yes please take him with you. I already have a Taehyung and a Hobi, I do not need another one of these"

Wonwoo: "Well that was fun!” *chirps happily*

The8: “No hyung, no it wasn’t

[blankasolun]

source: Metal Hammer May 2020

Chester Bennington: “Chris Cornell’s contribution to music was unrivalled”

In the summer of 2017, we spoke to Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington about the life and legacy of his friend, late Soundgarden singer Chris Cornell. For the first time, here is his tribute in full

When we heard the news that Chris Cornell had passed away on May 18, 2017, we started putting together a tribute to honour him, and reached out to his friend, Linkin Park singer Chester Bennington. Chester had sung at Chris’s funeral service at Hollywood Forever Cemetery on May 26, 2017, and though it was obviously a difficult time for him, he agreed to talk on the phone a week later. He was gracious, generous with his time and thanked us for “taking the time to write a nice piece on someone who’s contributed so much to so many people’s lives”.

Sadly, Chester took his own life two months later. The singer had also contributed greatly to so many people, and the metal community mourned another loss. Two-and-a-half years on, we revisit the conversation we had about his hero. What shines through is a firm friendship between two icons, bonded by their love for their families and their chosen career path.

———–

First of all, could you talk us through how you and Chris met?

Chester Bennington: “We’d done a tour in the US called Projekt Revolution, which was a semi-annual festival that Linkin Park used to put on. And we’d bring in tons of different acts, and Chris Cornell was on one of our tours [in 2008]. I think this was when we were touring [third album] Minutes To Midnight. Anyway, we met then. We got along really well right away.

“I grew up listening to Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, Nirvana. I don’t think any music scene influenced me as much as the scene that came out of Seattle. There was so much great music that came out of Seattle at that time. So it was really cool for me to be out there with one of my heroes, and we got along really well. Vicky [Cornell] and my wife, Talinda – they became best friends right away. Every day they’d be hanging out, and we got really close over that tour. Our friendship really grew during that time.”

How did it develop from there? It sounds like it became more than just a touring buddies thing quite quickly

“I don’t know if you’ve ever had this experience, but sometimes you meet somebody and it’s like you’ve known them forever. And that was really the case between our families. After that tour, we stayed in touch and that developed into Chris and Vicky asking me to be the godfather of their son, Christopher. One of my favourite memories of our friendship was the baptism and the christening and taking on that promise to the family. That was really great. Whenever they were in town we would try to connect – sometimes it was difficult because we’re all so busy. Chris and I were similar in many ways in that we had a lot of dear friends but we didn’t necessarily see them all the time, because our personal lives are so busy, and our dedication to our families is so strong.”

I guess the fact that your families came together so quickly, not just you and Chris personally, made that easier?

“Yeah, I think if it was just me and Chris talking, hanging out, you know, we would be good acquaintances. But the friendship between our wives, you add that into the mix and things escalate a little bit more! Ha ha ha! In terms of closeness, in terms of intimacy, it was really quite special. Our friendship grew beyond just respecting each other for what we do musically.”

How would you describe what Chris was like offstage?

“Chris was a great father, really dedicated to his family, loved his kids more than anything. Really quiet. When you got him alone, he was really talkative. Get him into an intimate setting and a lot of personality comes out. Outside of that, pretty quiet and reserved. Really soft-spoken and very gentle.”

As someone who grew up as a fan of his music, I guess you must have had a strong perception of Chris. How was he compared to how you’d imagined him before you started spending time together?

“Luckily, my experiences have been more positive than negative, but I’ve had the opportunity to perform with a lot of the people that I really admired growing up, and who had a lot of influence on me. And 90% of the time it’s been really wonderful, and friendships have developed. The other 10% of the time it doesn’t go so well and you kinda go, ‘Man, I wish I never met that person!’ Ha ha ha! It ruins the whole thing! For me, at least. Like, ‘Oh, man. I met that guy from that band I love and he was kind of a douche. I wish I’d never met him so I could still listen to the music.’

“So meeting Chris was really… it’s not like everybody gets the opportunity to do those things. And that’s probably what I’ve enjoyed the most in the success of Linkin Park is being able to go on tour with a lot of these guys. I do a lot of all-star band stuff; I’ve played gigs with Alice in Chains, I’ve done shows with Jane’s Addiction, I’ve done shows with Stone Temple Pilots, I’ve done shows with Chris Cornell. I’ve had the opportunity to play with my favourite band, Metallica. It’s just been an honour. And so Chris was definitely a highlight. And in terms of his ability to perform, the guy is in the top three male vocalists of all time. Up there with Jeff Buckley and Jimmy Gnecco from Ours.”

What do you think was so unique about Chris as a performer? 

“Obviously his vocal range is incredible. The sheer power. But I think it’s his songwriting that really stands out – the time signatures he uses, the chord progressions. It’s a delicate balance to get technical and smart with the way you play. Especially with Soundgarden – their rhythm section was incredible. The progressions that they played were really complicated, but they had a groove. And I think that’s something that’s super, super difficult to pull off.”

And as a performer, did you take anything from him from touring together and getting to see him play every night? 

“When you watch greatness, you don’t need to be convinced. You just watch and go, ‘Wow.’ I’m getting goosebumps now just thinking about it. And so when you see someone who is truly talented and gifted do what they do, and love doing it, it’s so special. When we were touring on that Projekt Revolution tour, I got to go out and sing [Temple Of The Dog’s] Hunger Strike with Chris. And Eddie Vedder is a huge influence on me too, and that was one of my favourite songs. I loved hearing those two guys do that song, so when he asked me to do it I said, ‘OK, I’ll come out and sing Eddie’s parts.’ He’s like, ‘Nah man, you’re gonna hit the high ones.’ I was like, ‘Crap!’ Ha ha ha! ‘Oh, no!’

“There are two times I’ve been super-nervous about singing with someone. One was with Paul McCartney during the Grammys, and I had to sing high harmonies on Yesterday. You can’t really screw that up! And then doing Hunger Strike with Chris, and I had to hit the really high parts. The best compliment I ever got was from Chris. After we did it, he laughed and said, ‘Dude – you’re not supposed to be able to do that, man! I made you sing that on purpose so you wouldn’t do it as well!’ So that was a huge compliment to me. It’s kinda funny but my wife would always tease me because when Chris and I would do that song, we would always stare at each other. She’d be like, ‘Look at you guys, staring at each other onstage all night!’ That was just because of my admiration for him as a person and as a performer, and the friendship we were developing. It was just really special, it was a special time.”

What’s your fondest memory of Chris?

“Definitely the times we had just hanging out – which were very few and far between. Sitting by the pool with the kids, just kinda talking. Obviously, the christening of his son, Christopher, and being invited into the family. That was really special.”

You sang at Chris’s funeral. How did that come about? Were you asked to do that, or was it something that you put yourself forward to be involved in?

“I’m not sure exactly how the idea came up, I was just asked to sing. There was talk of maybe 10 people speaking, and it came up that maybe it might be good for someone to come in and do something musical to split up the eulogies. And so I was asked to sing, and of course I knew it would be tough. I wanted to make sure it was tasteful, and it was the right song. But Vicky wanted me to do it, so I did it. It was really up to her. She obviously said yes, but I didn’t ask – I was asked to perform. I’m not sure who brought up the idea.

“So I just prayed on it a little bit. I said, ‘Chris – I know you’re up there, and I wanna make this special. I want it to be the right song. Put one in my head, give me the little tingly feeling. Give me something, y’know?’ And I knew from our conversations that he’d been friends with Jeff Buckley and they were close, so I felt that Hallelujah would be a good song. It’s my favourite song of all time – I think it’s the best song that’s ever been written – and of all the versions that have been done, Jeff Buckley’s is my favourite. So that was a nice tie, you know, somebody that Chris was close to. Another one of my favourite vocalists. And so I did that song, and I spoke with Lily, his daughter, and apparently it was something they used to sing together. Lily and [Chris’s other daughter] Toni and Chris would sing together. I didn’t know that until after I’d performed it, but it turned out to be a very special moment. I’m just really honoured that I was able to participate in a positive way.”

It’s a wonderful song, but it’s so heart- breaking. We can only imagine what it must’ve been like to sing a song like that at such a sensitive occasion.

“It was tough. I believe everything is random in this universe, but that there are no accidents. That’s what I believe. We were set to play Jimmy Kimmel a few days beforehand, and we switched things up. We were going to play Heavy on Jimmy Kimmel that night, but Chris had just passed so we felt like dedicating One More Light to him would be appropriate. I got to sing through that a few times, break down, cry a little bit, pull myself together. And I got to run through that experience a little bit, so I felt like that prepared me for the funeral. So I was able to keep it together pretty well, but it was tough.”

What do you think Chris’s legacy will be? 

“His legacy are his children and his wife. His family will be his legacy. I think, musically, he stands without question as being one of the greatest influences of our time, from one of the greatest bands of all time. His contribution to music is unrivalled. Obviously there’s tons of great musicians who contribute to the history of music, but I think Soundgarden in particular – as well as Chris on his own – will be recognised as being among the greats. In terms of his music, I think that’s undeniable. In terms of him as a person, who he was as a father, as a husband, family man, friend – he was a great person, and a good person. And I think his kids will grow up to do special things with their lives.

  Chris’ Week on Grunge Graveyard: Chester Bennington: “Chris Cornell’s contribution to music was unrivalled” source: Metal Hammer May 2020 Chester Bennington: “Chris Cornell’s contribution to music was unrivalled” In the summer of 2017, we spoke to Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington about the life and legacy of his friend, late Soundgarden singer Chris Cornell.

[thejustinmarshall]

Interview: Writer, Cyclist, Producer, and Artist Anna Brones

NOTE: In 2018, I started recording interviews with creatives (writers, filmmakers, podcasters, photographers, editors, etc.) in the adventure world. I’m publishing the highlights of those interviews monthly in 2019.

When she’s filling out a form that leaves one line for “occupation,” Anna Brones types “writer.” But if you want the long version of her resume, you might see things like “film producer,” “artist,” “publisher,” and even “culinary creator” (which I think is accurate, but I’m not sure is actually a job title). She’s based in Washington state, is a cyclist, runner, and backpacker, and speaks three languages.

Anna has written six books, including Hello Bicycle: An Inspired Guide to the Two-Wheeled Life, The Culinary Cyclist, and Fika: The Art of the Swedish Coffee Break. She curated, edited, and published Comestible, a quarterly journal devoted to real food, for three years starting in 2016, and has worked as a producer on several films that screened at film festivals around the world: Voyageurs Without Trace, Ian McCluskey’s journey to retrace the 1,000-mile first kayak descent of the Green and Colorado Rivers in 1938, Mending the Line, the story of 90-year-old veteran and angler Frank Moore’s return to Normandy to fish the terrain he saw as a soldier in World War II, and most recently, Afghan Cycles, a documentary feature about young women in Afghanistan who use the bicycle as a revolutionary tool.

In 2018, Anna began her Women’s Wisdom Project, a collection of 100 different papercut portraits of inspiring women, which she creates by hand using quotes from historical figures and contemporary inspiring women. And in 2019, she’s started a monthly newsletter, Creative Fuel, a creative kick in the pants for subscribers.

I first met Anna in 2011, and have always been impressed with her creative output—in quality, quantity, and authenticity. A few years ago, she told me in a conversation that “I feel like most of what I do is hustle.” So I wanted to record one of our conversations and ask a little bit about how she makes it all work.

ON BEING A WRITER When someone says, “I want to be a writer,” there are so many ways that you can be a writer. Do you want to write poetry? It’s a little bit different than writing cookbooks, right? Those are two different ball games. And there’s so many types of writing. I do non-fiction-related stuff, and some of it is a little bit journalistic in nature, some of it’s a little bit lifestyle in nature, so I have a pretty specific thing that I do.

I think no matter what you’re doing, you just have to do it. There’s no easy way into anything. People have very different paths of coming to the places that they’re at. Talk to anyone in any industry that they’re in. I love hearing what people do for a living, mostly because it’s always a reminder that there’s so many weird jobs out there that you didn’t even know existed. And if you want to write, the best thing that you can do is write.

ON THE POWER OF DIY BOOKS I do a lot of self-published stuff, and I’m such a big fan of the ‘zine revival—producing small, super-low budget publications in the 80s, kind of this punk scene, that that’s coming back—is so cool. Because it’s this platform where you can write something, print it on a piece of paper, and then photocopy it, and pass it out to your friends. It’s why I like writing books. It’s why I like making work that’s tangible, because there’s a value to that, an emotion that comes with that that is really amazing.

ON SELF PUBLISHING, EDITING AND ENTITLEMENT If you want to do stuff [like be a writer], you start doing it. Now that’s not to say that if you decide that you’re going to start writing and self-publishing, that you’re going be an overnight success. There’s a lot of hard work, and both you and I know that when we’ve done self-published stuff, it also requires some input from other people to help you get it to shine, right? So it’s not to say that you just get to vomit your work all over the place and it’s automatically going be successful.

Platforms that are available nowadays make that a lot easier than before. Even though that does mean that the market then has more people in it. It can be very oversaturated sometimes. But yeah, there’s really no trick besides doing the work.

ON THE MYTH OF BOOKS AND MONEY I think non-writers, or people who haven’t published books, are like, “Oh, you got a book contract?” And sort of immediately see dollar signs in their eyes, but I just don’t want anybody to be under an illusion that having a book contract means that you’re rolling in tons of money.

ON INTERVIEWING “NORMAL” PEOPLE Every story is important. Everybody has something to tell. It doesn’t mean that you had to live through the most horrendous accident—everybody experiences things, and I like the projects that focus on the shared human experience. The second you talk to people, you’re reminded of your similarities and not your differences. I think it’s almost easier to relate to those types of people, because they’re quote/unquote “normal” people.

I’ve thought a lot about the wisdom we have to offer each other. Because often we turn to famous people for wisdom, or famous writers, for that kind of thing. But I actually think there’s so much wisdom to be drawn from our counterparts, if we just sit down and have a conversation. So now I’m shifting to doing short interviews with friends or acquaintances in various industries to get their perspectives on things.

ON CALLING YOURSELF AN “ARTIST” It’s interesting, what we allow ourselves to call ourselves. The license that we give ourselves to say, “I’m a writer,” or “I’m an artist.” Or, “I’m a producer,” “I’m a filmmaker.” What is the point that we have to get to to feel comfortable saying that? So many people say, “I would never call myself an artist.” I ask them, “Why?” “Well, I’ve never sold anything.” “Well, does money justify you calling yourself a thing? Do you do the thing?”

There’s a great Virginia Woolf quote—”Money dignifies what is frivolous if unpaid for.” It’s so interesting, in our culture, that if you sell something, people will be like, “Yeah, good job.”

I think the important part about creative work is the fact that you did the work.

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  A post shared by Anna Brones (@annabrones) on Oct 17, 2018 at 11:55am PDT

ON A CREATIVE CHILDHOOD I grew up in a fairly, we’ll call it “alternative” home. You know, we weren’t living in a commune, totally off the grid or anything like that. But my parents built our house. It’s still not 100 percent built, because that’s what happens when you build your own house.

I grew up in the forest and ran around barefoot most of the time, and didn’t have any siblings, and had this different type of experience than a lot of kids do. I ate a lot of healthy food. Definitely wasn’t able to trade my sandwiches at school for lunch.

I wasn’t allowed to watch “Sesame Street,” because my mom thought that they yelled too much. So I only watched “Mr. Rogers,” and “Captain Kangaroo.” And I was only allowed to watch public television.

My mom is an artist, and she’s a weaver and does a lot of other stuff. So I grew up in a household with a pretty modest income—we were a single-income family, but the one thing that I did have growing up was all kinds of art supplies. Until I was 13 or 14, I just thought it was normal to have all those things at home. And then I would go to friends’ houses and be like, “Why do you only have five crayons?” I guess I was always doing those creative activities—that was such a part of the normal experience. And then I guess I always wrote.

ON GETTING STARTED AS A WRITER After college, I went and taught English in the Caribbean, in Guadeloupe, and that was the point where I started writing. It was a hard experience, and I started writing as a way to sort of work through some of those emotions, with feeling like I was in a different culture, and that was kind of at the beginning of the internet becoming a hot spot for travel writing and that kind of a thing. So that’s when I start submitting articles. I did some stuff for Matador Network, I found them on Craigslist or something. I actually think the first couple pieces weren’t paid, but then there were a few that were like $10 or $15. About a year after that I started writing for a travel blog called Gadling. I wrote for them for a long time. It was like 10 bucks a post or something.

I also did an essay that was published in a book called, “A Women’s World Again.” It was a compilation of travel essays. So this was in like 2008, 2007. I wrote this article called, “Pineapple Tuesday,” and it was all about living in this small town in Guadeloupe. Guadeloupe is a French overseas department, so it’s like France except it’s in the Caribbean. It was hard because the living situation was bad, the work situation was bad and the friend situation was bad. I often feel those are the three things that, if one of those is bad but the other two are pretty decent, you’re good to go. But if the three of them suck, then it’s a hard time.

So every Tuesday, after I taught, there was a market, and I would go. There was this lady who would sell pineapples. She came from a totally different background than I did. Born and raised on this island and was a farmer, and from totally different experiences, but it just became this social exchange that every Tuesday I’d go and buy these pineapples from her. So I wrote this essay about it. It was this sort of thing that felt was a grounding experience in the midst of what didn’t feel like a great experience. And so that was that first essay that I had published in a book.

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  A post shared by Anna Brones (@annabrones) on Sep 17, 2018 at 9:22am PDT

ON THE LINE BETWEEN CAREER AND LIFE I read this Cheryl Strayed quote the other day, as I was prepping to interview her, and it was something along the lines of, “Don’t spend so much time focusing on your career. You don’t have a career, you have a life.” And I thought that was such a good point. Culturally, we put a lot of value on career, and I think it’s a little bit different for people who do creative things, because, obviously, there’s a lot of crossover between personal interests and professional interests. Those lines become kind of blurry sometimes. And often, the things that you do for fun can sometimes turn into work.

ON THE UPS AND DOWNS OF A CREATIVE CAREER I sometimes feel like I’ve been very bad about creating a sustainable career path for myself. I sometimes look at my bank account and think, “Well, this is all well and good, as long as you’re healthy and able to keep doing stuff.”

And that can often feel like a failure. One day you’re like, “Fuck yeah, I got this, I’m so stoked on what I’m doing and I’m so excited about this project and feel great about the thing I did.” And then the next day, you’re practically curled up in the fetal position on the couch, just bawling. Like, just talking about how terrible you are and … you know, that’s a reality.

I struggle a lot with imposter syndrome, which a lot of people do. And I’ve been trying really hard not to. Or to acknowledge it and then kick it in the pants and tell it I don’t have time for that that day. Because that ends up holding us back sometimes.

ON GROWTH THROUGH CREATIVITY Something important to keep in mind is that the dollar amount you make off of something is not the end-all, be-all. Now, of course we need to pay rent and eat, and if you’re working in a creative field, and that’s how you pay rent and eat, you do need to think about making money. However, if there’s a work that you feel needs to be in the world, you just do that work.

And it’s important, particularly in personal work, to try to separate ourselves from the end result. Because often we give so much value to the end product, and usually it’s the process that is the important part. You’re doing the work because the work itself makes you feel a certain way, and you get energized by it, even in the moments where it’s hard. There’s so much that’s in that process that’s important, and we often forget that because we’re so focused on the end result.

ON THE VALUE OF WORK There’s a lot of pressure to have all this value to the work that you do. Often, I’m like, “I want to do a thing that’s meaningful and impactful.” But what does that even mean? And where are the areas that you can have impact in your everyday life? Impact happens in very small ways, usually.

A few times in the last year, I’ve had people that I don’t know reach out to me and say, “I love your work,” or, “You’ve brought so much lightness to me this week,” or, “Yeah, I had totally not thought about that thing that you talked about, thank you for bringing it up.” I mean, I realize, that doesn’t pay my rent, but those are the kind of comments that make me continue to do what I do. And I’m under no illusion that I’m going to change the world. But I think having a positive impact on the people around me is really important.

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