#but yeah i've almost consistently written for about 3 years so

[sorryimananti-romantic]

What inspires you to write? And how do you deal with a writer's block?

hi love <3

i think the little things inspire me to write? a product of my daydream, a little sth that catches my attention like a song lyric, a concept photo or a quote. i'm really inspired by kdramas or movies that i watch, or the books that i (used to) read.

as of lately, i'm more into the whole worldbuilding and the plot aspects of writing- that's where i start, and then i fit/shape the member i write for accordingly. the members are just characters in the fic, the world and the setting that i create for them is the primary focus. that mainly inspires/drives me to write.

as for writer's block, when i feel it coming, i try to find the source of it and deal with that directly. sometimes, real life is overwhelming us (real life is always overwhelming me and i actually write to cope so if even writing starts to overwhelm me... i'll have nothing left LOL).

sometimes, it's bc we just need a little break to sort our thoughts out. it's okay to not always actively write and post. i take a little congratulatory break after each fic posted where i just watch sth or read stuff or rot. it works really good bc i actually want to write when the break is over. in case i'm obsessed with an idea i just have to write, i try to do planning instead of actually writing. (and i think in the long run its better to have these little breaks instead of a big writer's block break, but sometimes we do need the big break :') don't be scared of it)

also, i think it's really imp that you know who you are writing for. you should primarily be writing for yourself, and then for the readers. the pressure of posting sometimes gets to us, and that's okay, we just need to take a few deep breaths and think. sometimes, we're losing motivation, there's lack of feedback, or various other factors that make it seem like a writer's block is coming. but really, prioritise yourself in when and what you write <3

and to add on to this-- give yourself the ego boost no one will (or write out of spite like i do). you're amazing, you're a great writer, you write juicy stuff, and that's all that matters! people don't have to love you for you to know that you're a great writer! gaslight yourself if you have to (it works). write out of spite-- hmm, why has no one written xxx trope about yyy member yet? if no one has, i will. this also works.

also, i think the most imp thing in all this yapping is being able to talk to someone if you feel like you can't write. sometimes when you feel like you're stuck and there's only darkness, talking to someone about what you feel, or what you want to write and bouncing ideas with them lights up that bulb in your head and before you know it, you're back on track again.

and if you ever need that person, i'm here for you <3

[crybabyddl]

Check You Out

Modern!Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader

Chapter 1

Warning: swearing, flirtation alcohol, older guy being slightly creepy, eventual smut, strangers to lovers, fake dating, modern setting

Author's Note: God, I need Steve at a despicable, ungodly level that even I can't fully comprehend. It's not healthy. But to cope with that, I'm gonna write this and hope that someone else out there can appreciate and/or relate to being so desperately in love with a fictional character that you can't have. And yes, I looked up an Indiana sales tax calculator in order to write this as realistically as possible.

Extra Author's Note: Hi. It's been ages since I've written anything, let alone a whole first chapter of a fic! I probably won't update often, but who knows? Maybe this will end up being a full-fledged fic! I like the idea of that, but let's see how posting this chapter goes. I hope you like it! <3 Glad to be back! :)

—

   For the past year, your Friday nights consisted of checking out customers' groceries and helping clueless individuals operate the self-checkout machines. You'd think with a name like 'self-checkout' there'd be no need for assistance, but people are dumb and selective about when to use their reading comprehension skills--if they possessed any in the first place. Working the night shift wasn't ideal, but it was the only time that allowed you to take care of your parents and drive one of their cars while you lived under their roof. Unfortunately, you had to walk to work today because your dad was out of town this week and your mom's car was in the shop.

    "Attention shoppers, the store will be closing in ten minutes. Please make your way to the registers to complete your purchase. Thank you for shopping at Green Leaf Market!" The overly chipper tone of your supervisor, Carol's voice was far less unsettling when it meant that you were almost done with your shift. Now you just had to wait for all the last minute shoppers, lollygaggers, and stragglers to get their shit together and get the heck out.

  "Hey, Y/N, how's it going?"

 Oh brother... you thought. Mitchell was a regular on Fridays, but he was also a bit of a douche. He was in his mid-40s and was seemingly trying to grow a beer gut. It was no surprise that he was buying another 24-pack of Busch Lite. 

    "I'm alright, thanks Mitchell. How are you?" You plastered on the best customer service smile you could muster, taking hold of the reusable shopping bag he always brought with him, regardless of the fact he never needed it.

  "Better now that I've seen you, dollface."

   Dollface? That was a new one, and definitely the worst yet. You tried your best to ignore the embarrassment that caused your face to heat up, but you had a hard time pretending not to be bothered by his comment.

   You moved the fruit-and-vegetable-patterned vessel over to the other side of the register before grabbing the scanning wand and reading the barcode on the hefty cardboard box. He knew the drill, handing you his I.D. for you to scan. The glass bottles clinked as Mitchell lowered the box back into his shopping cart. God, you could go for a beer right about now.

    "That'll be $25.67. Would you like your receipt?"

  "Only if your phone number's on it, honey." Yikes.

    "O-kay, you're all set. Have a great night!"

  "You need a ride home? It's not safe to be walking alone out there this late. Maybe you could keep me company and have a few beers? You seem lonely."

   Nothing Mitchell was saying was particularly wrong, but he certainly wasn't reading the room correctly. He'd also tried this countless times before with no success, so why was he still trying? What were you supposed to say that would make him get the hint?

    "Um-"

  "Hey, uh, Y/N! I just wanted to grab a few beers. You almost ready to get out of here?"

   In that moment, the stranger's interjection was the closest thing you'd heard to a choir of angels.

    "Y-yeah,"

   Mitchell grumbled something under his breath as he snatched up the bag and pushed his cart toward the exit. You felt your shoulders relax as you exhaled a heavier sigh than you expected to be holding in.

    "Oh my God, thank you for saving my ass back there." You lifted the six pack of Blue Moon off the conveyer belt and hovered it over the scanner. 

  "No problem. Sorry if I caught you off guard. I take it he's a regular that thinks he can pull someone half his age?" He takes his wallet out of his back pocket, fishing for his I.D.

    "You nailed it. Mitchell's probably harmless, but I'm not really interested in finding out. And no worries, you're good." You take the driver's license from between the man's fingers, inspecting it quickly.

   Stephen Harrington. Born August 12th. 5'10". Brown hair, brown eyes. You looked up and sure enough, his hair and his eyes--they were pretty--were brown.

  "I don't blame you," Steven put his license back in his wallet before taking out his card. "How much was it?"

    "Oh shoot, I never actually never told you, my bad. It comes out to $11.76," You selected the EFT payment option on your register and waited for Steven to tap his card on the reader. "How did you know my name?"

  "It's on your name tag," He inserted his card in the chip reader. "I'm Steve, by the way." The reader made an unhappy trio of beeping sounds.

    "Nice to meet you, Steve," you smiled. Probably the first genuine one of the night. "You might have to tap it. These machines are a pain in the ass."

  "Tap?" Steve tilted his head in confusion, which you found... cute.

    "Yeah. You just hold your card against the reader and it scans it. I'm not entirely sure how it works, but I think it has to do with the chip or something."

  "I see, I see. Like this?" He holds the card above the number pad, but nothing happens.

    "Almost! You have to hold it over the screen part, like this."

   Without thinking, you grab a hold of Steve's debit card, bringing his arm closer to the screen of the card reader. The machine makes a blip noise and the receipt begins printing in a matter of seconds. It's only after you hand him the receipt that you realize you might've invaded his personal space. Should you apologize? Did he even notice? Why did you choose to work at the supermarket?

    "Thank you, Y/N. I should get going, but uh," Steve pauses, looking unsure. "Are you doing anything right now? Would it be wrong of me to ask you if you wanted to come back to mine and have a couple beers? I'm having a few friends over and you seem pretty chill. Totally okay if not, just figured I'd ask, you know?"

   The cute stranger that saved you from Mitchell was asking you to hang out... maybe he really is an angel.

   This was totally different than having a married man with kids ask you if you wanted to have a couple drinks; this was a guy your age, a hot guy your age. The internal panic of saying the wrong thing subsided thanks to the amount of excitement you felt.

    "I would love that. Let me just get my bag and clock out."

  "Sounds good, I'll go put this in the car and pull up." He gives a smile, which you return along with an unnecessary thumbs up.

    "Okay." You watched as Steve exited the store, six-pack in hand.

    What person in their 20s gives a cute guy a thumbs up? You wanted to smack your palm against your forehead, but refrained. You were an idiot. Speaking of thumbs, you were surely going to stick out like a sore one if Steve's friends were even a fraction as cool--or attractive--as he was. You realized you were getting ahead of yourself as you punched your code into the time clock. You were just going to be hanging out and having drinks with some nice people your age. Nothing more, nothing less. 

   After mentally talking yourself down, you walked through the automatic doors of Green Leaf Market feeling the humid summer air hit your skin in a calm wave. Sure enough, right out front, there was a beige BMW sedan with the passenger window rolled down. Steve aims a finger gun at you and clacks his tongue against his teeth. You see his eyes flit towards the offending right appendage, his cool demeanor faltering for a split second. However, he quickly recovers from whatever shyness he might've felt, leading you to wonder if you'd imagined it as you open the passenger door and join him in the air-conditioned car.

—

please leave a like, reblog, and/or a comment if you enjoyed!

[lemon-bread-slice]

Lemon is sappy hours

So i just reached 50k words posted on AO3 and That Is Insane. My first fic was posted in November 2023 and since then I've posted fifteen of the bastards.

To basically re-hash this post I never in a million years thought I'd end up here - my ass was trying not to fall asleep in English class, slogging through another creative writing assessment, waiting for Maths or Physics or Computing.

And now hundreds, maybe thousands, of people have read a portion of those 50,109 words I have written. Some kudos'd, bookmarked, and a few even commented to say they thought they were good words. Insane. Unfathomable.

Thank you HSBB- the catalyst of it all

I saw a post about the event (Hermitshipping Big Bang) and joined on a whim almost exactly a year ago, and from that server i've made so many fandom friends that I talk to regularly, hype enable me, and are all around cool people <3

Thank you to anyone who has ever read one of my fics, and a special thank you to the consistent readers. It's gotten to the point where there's a good handful of names i can recognise in the kudos and comments

Speaking of comments, i treasure every single one, and whenever i'm feeling demotivated i go back and reread them and they always make me smile. Seeing others so excited over something i've made is an incredible feeling.

As a celebration for reaching 50k, I thought i'd reveal the basic outline of my current project, It's nsfw so i'll put it below the cut, but i just want to say one last thank you to every single person in this fandom. Thank you for being an amazing community <3

Hello there :3

So, the current project is a 8.5k and growing behemoth that has been in the works since April. It's a Gemtho Mafia AU (mostly for flavour) scene, focused around knifeplay and shibari.

(Rough placeholder summary) Etho's messed up big time on a mission and typically Gem isn't the most forgiving Boss, but, for better or worse, she has other plans than a beating for him. When all is said and done he comes out just as bloodied and bruised, though.

So yeah! I've wanted to tackle a rope heavy fic for a while, and i'm determined to do it justice! We're in the home stetch now (< lying), and i'm hoping to have this thing up by the end of July as it's one of my MCYT Co-Create pieces.

Aight that's enough rambling for now, if you're reading this have a wonderful timezone :DDD

[shallow-between-stars]

Oops.

Hi, um, yes! Hello!

So, uhh, it's been seven years. I recovered my account about... a month ago and that was an ordeal, then did nothing with that for a bit, then lurked for a bit and am now posting.

SO WHAT HAPPENED YOU ASK?

Short answer: Life.

Long answer: Life, pets, work, and a side of what I think was HORRIBLE BURNOUT.

I didn't really notice I was pulling away from Tumblr, but I kinda did, which is absolutely my bad. Then, y'know, shit happened.

I got back from China in... 2017... promptly lost my job, ended up with a new job I loved for a company I hated, worked there for five years or so. Had to people, like, a lot.

My job was entirely dealing with people. Mostly people under 12. And my poor, introverted soul really struggled with that most days and came home, crashed on the couch and slept. When it wasn't school term, it was holiday care, when it wasn't holiday care it was school term. I was responsible for a lot, including making sure a daily average of 30 kids didn't hurt themselves.

And, y'know, about a year into that, my father (who I love a lot better at a distance) and I had a conversation (started by me) about my moving out of the family home. Mum and Dad basically refused to let me rent and (I'm showing my upper middle class, here, sorry) bought me a house that I am slowly paying them back for.

Yes, I know, and I am so very grateful for their support.

My dad and I shopped together and picked out a (unbeknownst to us) house-flipped 30 year old property with a great back yard and some small things that needed fixing, and I packed my bags and over the course of a week, I moved in.

And then I did what every responsible new home owner would do and waited until I moved in and was settled before making any more drastic life changes.

...

...

...Yeah. I'm lying.

I got two dogs. Ranger, who is the end result of putting all your points into Charisma and Constitution and using Wisdom as a dump stat, and Rogue who went the Int/Dex route but forgot that constitution exists. Seriously. I had her a week and she nearly died from -eating chicken.-

(She's allergic, we have discovered in the interim. She's also five now, arthritic and incontinent, the very definition of THE BEST DOG WITH SHITTY HEALTH ever. I'd say she's the living embodiment of 'adopt, don't shop', but the other dog's adopted and has an almost 1:1 ratio of "years alive" and "windows broken because he got scared".)

So. I worked a shitty job for five years (and through Covid, my job was considered an essential role which meant I worked straight through the pandemic, with children, which was low-key terrifying), and then in an episode of "nepo baby" a friend of my mother's got me a job at a high school for kids with behavioural issues where I worked for the better part of last year teaching EAL/D to refugees. I loved the kids to pieces, but as you could probably tell from the 'refugee' part of that sentence, these kids came with very heavy stories and my heart was broken for them more often than not.

Anyway, due to a contract kerfuffle at the end of last year I found myself out of that job, but my boss stepped in for another episode of "nepo baby" and sourced me a -new- job with a friend of hers working at a different school, where I am now. Still teaching high school, still teaching EAL/D and still loving every minute of it.

Anyway, I'm writing again, which is great, and something that I haven't managed to do consistently for years (See: HORRIBLE BURNOUT) and am excited to be -almost- ready to post some new content to my sadly neglected AO3, where the last thing I posted was about... two and a half years ago and at the tail end of Covid.

Surprising no-one, the content I have most recently written is Kal and Bull.

Surprising probably a lot of people, I still haven't played Baldur's Gate 3, but I've got three weeks of holidays in about a month so maybe I will play it then? Maybe?

[forerussake]

Twenty questions for fic writers

I was tagged by the wonderful @elenothar! Thankssss❤️

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

45

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

456.761

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I've written for a bunch of fandoms over the years. Currently I'm most active in Guardian and adjacent fandoms, but I think I could and would still write for pretty much everything I've written for in the past. So the full list would be Guardian, the Silmarillion, QZGS, MDZS/CQL, YYM, the Rebel, DMBJ, and some RPF :D

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Counting the promises as yet unbroken (165)

A ballad of burning lungs and bated breath (125)

A hand within a hand (holding light) (120)

Kaleidoscope (114)

Crowded full of parting's feeling (99)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to always respond to comments, bc i myself really like it when an author responds to my comments, so I would be a hypocrite not to do it myself. But also I kind of enjoy that interaction. Especially if ppl have commented on specific lines or on the themes. Sometimes commenters have insights about my fics that even I didn't have myself while writing, and I like to let them know their thoughts were appreciated :)

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Well, I am an angst writer, but I often try to make the endings of my fics at least a bit hopeful :/// I think the angstiest ending to a finished fic would have to go to either Crowded full of parting's feeling, which ends with LXC being (for the first time in his life) truly and utterly alone. Kind of a bummer. Or perhaps the easy part, which ends with ZYL crying himself to sleep on the kitchen floor.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

As I said, I try to make my endings hopeful, if not truly happy, but there are a few true happy endings to my fics! I think my RPF pieces tend to be the happiest bc I am slightly less likely to put these guys through the wringer the way I do with my truly fictional blorbos. I think the happiest however is homecoming, which ends with WJX finally coming out as trans and being her best and truest self.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet??? Hopefully it stays that way! I do write RPF though, so I'm very ready for one of the crazy antis to one day drop into my inbox calling me all sorts of nasty things for *looks at writing scribbled on hand* having the audacity to put characters in fictional situations that don't hurt the real ppl that inspired these characters in any way??? yeah :PPP

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Occasionally, when the muse strikes! But my ace brain finds it quite difficult. My mind tends to trail off and scatter all over the place when I get to the actual smut, and I have a hard time reeling it back in. As a result my smutty fics often get needlessly long xD and they also get a little kinky bc my brain tries to come up with ways to stay engaged in its own writing xD I like testing the limits of how poetic I can be about smut scenes.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Almost never. I rarely enjoy reading them unless they are very well done, so I don't generally think of writing them. The only consistent exception to this rule is all the weilan derivative fics! I love those very much, even if I don't always know the characters. So i've written one of those myself: no shame in having loved, a crossover between the Rebel and Detective L, which takes Luo Fei's perspective at snapshots in the Rebel canon, reflecting on everything that Lin Nansheng learns, loses, and cannot seem to stop giving away. It's a sad one, but with a slightly hopeful ending :)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of? I don't think I'm big enough in any fandom for anyone to consider stealing my work.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but I have had one podficced :D

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not. On the one hand I think I'd love to try one day, but I'm also very particular about certain things and I fear I might get antsy. I love brainstorming about fic though! Some of my best ideas have come from talking to people.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Uhm Weilan I think? I'm not really in fandom for the shipping.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

ohh hard one. I have three, if I may:

And miles to go (before I sleep): it's a story that's still very dear to me, but it's been so long since I started it that I think I'd need to rewrite the whole thing, bc I've gotten better at writing in the meantime and the style of any new chapter wouldn't match the first ones.

First gradually, and then all at once: I wrote all of this in a single week, and then uni got in the way, and then my hyperfixation on YYM ended and since then the fic's been stuck in unfortunate limbo :(((( I really want to finish it but I need the muse to guide me

Tryptich: not yet posted, but fully planned. It's one of the toughest, angstiest, most cathartic fic plots I have ever come up with, and I really want to write it because it is such a meaningful story about mental health and loss and recovery, but it's also YYM fandom, and as established above I need to regain that hyperfixation for this to move anywhere :(((( or just have a lot of free time on my hands where I can write both the guardian fic stuck in my brain and this.

16. What are your writing strengths?

uuhm, I think atmosphere/scene setting, structure, and character study/reflection.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue tags (bane of my existence). I also think my work can sometimes drag on, I use too many words sometimes. Also I feel like I can be kind of a one trick pony xD I repeat a lot of similar lines and dramatic build-up between stories.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Can be great when other ppl do it. If it's a language I can read a little bit that's nice , otherwise including a translation at the bottom helps. I'd definitely never write dialogue in a language I'm not fluent in. That being said, I do pay a lot of attention to what language my characters are 'actually' speaking, even if I present their dialogue to my readers in English. For example if would write a phrase like "he pauses to breathe between all three syllables" (which sucks as a line, but bear with me), in an English-language fic where the characters would canonically be speaking Mandarin Chinese, then I would make sure the line that character said would actually contain 3 syllables in both English and Chinese. I do a lot of that kind of reasoning in my head. "If this line, reflecting on dialogue spoken in Y language, was transposed directly into language X that the characters are really supposed to be speaking, would the line still work like this?" if the answer there is no, then I will either change the line, or change the English dialogue until I have something that reflects what I imagine the characters would say in their native language in the way I need!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Tolkien!

20. Favorite fic you've written?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE??? it's probably either a hand within a hand (holding light) or kaleidoscope.

Thanks again, this was fun!!!

tagging: @pangzi @programmedradly @lunarriviera @lucientelrunya @mjsakurea @lynne-monstr @dual-domination @aredhel-of-doylkien @thedaughterofshadows if you want to :)

[winterinhimring]

Talk about your fanfics ask:

1, 3, 9, 12

Thank you for asking this! I am always delighted to talk about my stories.

What story (stories?) are you writing rn that you’ll most likely publish next?

Probably the ever-elusive original novel, honestly. After my current fanfic projects, I don't have any more planned, though that doesn't mean I won't get walloped with a new idea soon. But I'm going to start a new arc of A Lot Can Happen In Twenty Years with a completely new character as the bad guy soon, so I guess that sort of counts since that story is more of a catchall for shorts set in the same universe anyway.

3. What tropes do you like writing about the most?

Answered here.

9. Top three fics you’ve written (in author’s opinion)?

AUGH. How can I pick just three? But...if I HAVE to choose...

First place MUST go to The War of the Ring, my massive LOTR rewrite and probably, if you applied thumbscrews, the story I'd admit is my actual favourite out of all the ones I've written.

Second and third place are a lot harder for me to decide on, because my favourite fic is usually the one I'm writing right now! I managed to narrow things down a bit by picking a favourite from each of the fandoms I've written for and comparing those, but that only managed to reduce the number of contenders to five.

Help.

You know what, you're getting all five (in no particular order because IT'S TOO HARD TO PICK OKAY).

Oath of Fealty, a Dune ghost story that I'm very fond of because I imitated the original's made-up chapter quotes and it involves one of my favourite characters in the novel! Book canon, but it's canon compliant for the first movie too.

Kad'au, one of the entries in my Cin Vhetin series, featuring Obi-Wan raising Luke, Jedi-Mandalorian bonding, grief, healing, Jedi history, and hope.

Bullets and Reactors, a fix-it fic for The Hunt for Red October which largely consists of a very tired submarine captain dealing with the aftermath of Shenanigans while trying to make sure that none of the self-sacrificing idiots he's acquired dies before he can get them all home.

Our Fathers Lied, canon-compliant Spider-man 3 angst. Mostly on this list because the title is taken from a terribly beautiful and grievous poem by Rudyard Kipling that fits the main character so perfectly that I almost couldn't believe it when I found it.

Kintsukuroi, a Bucky-centric fic about grief, hope, and picking up the broken pieces of what you had to build something new. Also features Shuri being awesome.

So...yeah, that's a lot more than you asked for, but I couldn't pick just one, darnit!

12. Write another line in your WIP (rude, productive, but okay).

Oy! Rude! (Just kidding.) Here's the line:

Someone will need to turn the power back on as soon as he's contained, Gwen had said about Max, but Harry was starting to have serious doubts about whether Max could be contained.

Ask game is here.

[not-poignant]

would you be comfortable keeping us updated about your health results in the following months ?

Hi anon,

I don't generally update re: my health stuff in any consistent way here. I often have between 80-100+ medical appointments of some kind or other per year and I have too many actively treated/supported health conditions (over 15 -> I have more than this, these are just the ones being actively treated), that like... I'm not making this a health blog. It's a writing blog! Most of the health updates I make are over at the Fae Tales / writing Discord. But even there, I don't update about everything. (Some health stuff is just boring too, like, I'm anemic again? Must be a day ending in Y. Iron infusions are very repetitive, lol).

That being said, I do tend to update with health stuff when it impacts my writing, which is why I've been talking about it more lately, because my writing has absolutely been impacted from some new diagnoses from last November to now, which is really frustrating on a writing level, and also because it can impact my mood and output and readers can notice something's off. December was my lowest wordcount in over two years. And I've only written one chapter this month.

Right now I'm kind of having to force myself to work, because I need the money, so I can't afford to shut down the Patreon for a month or two (which is what I'd normally do in order to give myself a lengthy break), so I'm in the catch 22 of 'too sick to work to my normal levels, too poor to take a break from work to see if that helps because I need a lot of specialist medical stuff and some of it's expensive.' I do still like writing, but given more choice/freedom, I'd be taking time off to process some difficult diagnoses and some abrupt medication changes (I had to stop taking two meds that helped my quality of life and mental health immensely, and immediately onboard to two others that have notorious side effects, and that alone has been a struggle).

Though as a small update - I have 8 medical appointments in the next 10 days (one of those will result in 3 more referrals), and I'm 29 minutes away from leaving to go get my 45 minute head/neck MRI (complete with face cage and gadolinium) to see if my tumours have grown and to see if I've grown any more or if they've since metastasized. I have another MRI next week. The MRIs are thankfully due to Australia's healthcare free at least. But almost none of my other appointments are. I will probably end up having around 15+ medical appointments this month, so we're definitely starting the 80-100+ medical appointments per year off strong this year. x.x

For folks reading this, broadly, this is why there's been delays in responding overall to comments on AO3, why I'm not always getting to asks as soon as I normally do, and why I haven't been as 'chatty' as usual. I still love receiving asks/comments etc. please just be patient with me while I deal with everything. <3333

Er but yeah, tbh a lot of it is quite overwhelming for others. Like, if I actually kept people properly updated, I think some would feel not very happy, especially if they're just here for writing updates! So I try not to make too many 'health posts' unless I'm asked specifically? Anon, you are always welcome to ask for a health update <3 People can always scroll past it.

[sperastella]

Thank you @virtie333 for the tag!

First Lines Tag Game

Rules: share the first lines of your ten most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway ❤️

It has been a long time since I've written anything, but I recently started a new WIP two weeks ago after a lengthy hiatus and so I'm going to use this as a little preview and motivation for me to continue writing and hopefully finish a fic again. Enjoy. 😊

New Untitled Damerey WIP(!): The scenic plains of Montana surrounded them. Majestic mountains painted the backdrop. Cattle grazed on lush grass and a familiar sign hung across a wooden arch over the dirt road. Skywalker Ranch. It had been almost three years since Rey had returned home.

Homecoming with Professor Dameron: “Honey, are you okay?” “Sweetheart?” A gentle hand at Rey’s shoulder temporarily pulled her attention back to Jyn. “Yeah, Mom.” she mumbled, swaying back and forth while continuing to survey the room. “I’m fine…”

A King and Husband Returns: Rey straightened her features as the conversation around the Small Council again pivoted to the war effort. As if she needed a reminder. The conflict with the Kingdom of Korriban, Yavin’s northern neighbor, erupted three months following her marriage to Prince King Poe Dameron. She had barely settled into her role as Queen before her husband left to lead Yavin’s defense forces. That was two months ago.  

A New Master: “But Master Skywalker, why would you do this to me?” He had been her master, teacher, best friend, and yes, even a father figure since rescuing her from the slavers on Jakku over a decade ago. Why would he abandon her now? 

Better Care: Poe was hunched over the side of his cot in the Resistance camp. He had spent three weeks away on assignment for General Organa but came empty. No intel, no allies, and no resources. He sighed about ready to retire for the evening when the zipper to his tent opened and Rey marched in with a first-aid pack.

Husband and Wife: “You may now remove the veil.” Rey took a deep breath to steady her nerves as he reached forward and pulled back the sheer that had been obscuring her veneer

Chasing Sunshine: “I just want to go to school without being followed by an army of armed men!” Rey Skywalker frowns in disappointment in the Oval Office. For the past two years she has studied abroad at Oxford. During that time, she has been accompanied by no less than four Secret Service agents at all times. While being the daughter of President Luke Skywalker came with challenges, trying to fit in as a normal college student had proven more difficult than expected. 

I believe I can fly (with you): Poe paced nervously just beside the park entrance. His uneasiness had nothing to do with the freezing temperature or the fact tomorrow was Christmas Eve. He had prepared for both. The real source of his anxiety was the brunette who had captivated his every waking thought for the past week. 

A Date with Professor Dameron: Rey stood outside the classroom and took a deep breath. She could do this. Absolutely. Today was just another regular Tuesday. A seven am workout at the campus gym, shower, and breakfast consisting of a banana, granola bar and thermos filled to the brim with instant coffee was her morning ritual. Nothing unusual about any of it. Why then was her heart beating out of her chest and her hands trembling? 

Behind These Hazel Eyes: The crowd around Rey cheered loudly as the Medley relay signaled the start of the swim meet. What was she doing here again? She had never been into sports and the humidity of Yavin High’s natatorium had her sweating bullets even in a t-shirt. Seriously, what even was a Medley relay? The answer to these questions and more hopped up on the starting block of lane 3 and Rey flushed due to an entirely different kind of heat. 

Tagging (with no pressure): @zoriis @totheendoftheworldortime @starlight-and-seafire @batuuprincess @rosalindsghost @beskarbabybjorn @olpgurl @supremequeenofthenerds and anyone else who wants to join in!

[cleopatras-library]

I posted 645 times in 2022

That's 616 more posts than 2021!

25 posts created (4%)

620 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sainamoonshine

@dingdongyouarewrong

@elytrians

@faustandfurious

@wondermadeleine

I tagged 252 of my posts in 2022

#eurovision - 32 posts

#the locked tomb - 17 posts

#study - 11 posts

#dracula daily - 11 posts

#french langblr - 11 posts

#langblr - 11 posts

#studyblr - 11 posts

#cleo's journal - 11 posts

#vocab - 10 posts

#vocabulary - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#(and i don't just mean romance. trip switch by uncle_edgelord is one of the best works of science fiction i've ever read fanfic or no)

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

“every vote counts, please be generous”

ah, trying to avoid another 0 point scenario I see

11 notes - Posted May 10, 2022

#4

I need Romania's costumes in my life. Now. Yesterday, preferably.

19 notes - Posted May 12, 2022

#3

There’s nothing I love more than sff stories having their own versions of trash reality tv or penny dreadfuls

22 notes - Posted April 20, 2022

#2

I just finished Iron Widow, and yeah, it was fine, but I am continually annoyed at how much better it could have been without a word limit. Like, it's obvious that most of the character building and downtime got cut, so now we're left with nothing but action as the relationships progress sloppily. And for once they're actually good relationships! Publishers need to accept that sometimes fantasy needs to be long to work properly.

40 notes - Posted March 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

21/11/22

I am back with some french book recommendations! At @maddiesbookshelves's urging I read both books of La ville sans vent by Eléonore Devillepoix, and they were great! I found the best approach to practicing french consistently for me was to read 10 pages a day (I set aside a specific time). I didn't bother doing any writing, speaking, or listening practice because I end up procrastinating and doing no french instead of some french.

Anyway, the books! La ville sans vent is a french YA fantasy series written by a european parlimentary attaché, and that really tells you almost everything you need to know about the books. The main plot centers around Arka, a 13-year-old magician/amazon with a really good horse and a father to locate, and Lastyanax, a 19-year-old burnt out, barely graduated politician who wants to create change while also finding out who murdered his teacher. The worldbuilding (like the covers) is stunning, and I wish Hyperborea was real. The other thing that makes the books is the author's solid grasp of politics; change doesn't come easy, regime change isn't always for the better, and corruption is everywhere.

These two books rival most YA fantasy I've read in english, and between La ville sans vent and La passe-miroir (which I read in english), I'm starting to think that the french have unlocked some sort of secret when it comes to YA fantasy.

48 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[martsonmars]

Hello people! Thanks for tagging me this past week, I love your snippets always <3

Little writing rant coming, feel free to skip to the actual content, which is under the cut!

Writing is hard. I've barely written anything all month, and it's fine. Maybe I've finally made peace with the fact that writing is a hobby, and it should be fun and not feel like a chore, and that I don't owe anything to anyone. I'm getting better at not forcing myself to write when I don't feel like it, which was something I did at the beginning of the year—after years of writer's block, from last September to December I managed to write almost every day, and it felt so good that when January came and writer's block with it, I felt awful and forced myself to write more than once. It doesn't work and it just makes everything worse, so I'm happy that I'm finally being kinder to myself and to my limits.

BUT what bothers me now is that I genuinely want to write, and I'm so excited about so many projects... It's the physical act of writing that makes me nauseous, lately. I open the doc/notes app/Tumblr draft/notebook/app for recording (because I've tried many methods), and I'm filled with dread. Which makes me sad. I almost felt better when, at the beginning of the year, I simply didn't want to write. At least I didn't feel like I had too much creative energy and no way to let it out—I was just drained. Now I'm full of things that want to be written, and I can never turn them into words. But I'll get there. It's just frustrating, especially since right now writing is basically the only thing that truly and somewhat consistently brings me joy.

Having said that, I have written a whole (2.2k) fic a few days ago. You might wonder how this doesn't contradict what I said before. It's because it's a terrible first draft, and it resembles more an outline than a proper fic in more than one spot, which is what I meant when I said that “I'm full of things that want to be written but I can't turn them into words”—having ideas and outlining is easy, writing is impossible. And you might say that first drafts are supposed to be terrible, and it's true, but I really hate editing in English. I usually only write when words are flowing well enough that the first draft is pretty decent—I still need to edit it, but it's quick and mostly painless. Because when a draft is rough and ugly, editing it makes me want to cry. I can never get words to obey me, and having to change every sentence really discourages me, especially when I have no idea how to make them better. When everything feels shallow and dull and boring and ugh. Yeah. I truly hate it.

But anyway. I do have this fic that's finished, but it needs to be edited so much that the final work will probably be twice as long. But, as I said, editing is truly painful, so who knows when I'll find the strength to do it??? But that's enough complaining.

Enjoy some snippets of a new kid fic, because writing Snowbaz with child fills my heart with so much joy 🥰 Under the cut with the tags <3

Some Baz POV.

The man looks close to dropping the bag and running away, and I don't blame him. “Yes. I've got the right address and the right name. 31 cheeseburgers with no pickles.”

If this whole situation was weird before, it's veering into absurd now. I would never order a cheeseburger without pickles.

Some Simon.

If anyone asked me to describe what happiness looks like, it would be this. Coming home after work to find my husband and my son sitting at the kitchen table in front of a mountain of cheeseburgers.

And some more Simon.

Leo wins his fight against the wrapper and lifts the first cheeseburger.

“Besides, look at him. He's so hungry and cute.”

Baz snorts and tugs me to his side to hug me and press his cheek against my stomach. I run my fingers through his hair, bringing his already dying bun to its final demise.

“He is,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice. “Really your son.”

We stay silent as Leo takes a huge bite and grins at us with his mouth full.

Tags!!!

@wellbelesbian @urban-sith @tea-brigade @sillyunicorn @mostlymaudlin @facewithoutheart @palimpsessed @otherpeoplesheartachept-2 @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @forabeatofadrum @johnwgrey @fatalfangirl @prettylightsbigcity @whatevertheweather @jbrrring @confused-bi-queer @moodandmist @bookish-bogwitch @letraspal @dragoneggo @captain-aralias @takitalks @theotherhufflepuff @otherworldsivelivedin @excalisbury @shemakesmeforget @starwarned @cutestkilla @ileadacharmedlife @gekkoinapeartree @bazzybelle @bloodiedpixie @stardustasincocaine @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @angelsfalling16 @basiltonbutliketheherb @messofthejess @ivelovedhimthroughworse @artsyunderstudy

[honeyblockm]

Hi! My name is Yen! [pronouns: he/it/any] Sometimes i am also other names in other reaches of the internet.

↳ this is a sideblog, I follow and interact from @spiritunwilling

↳ ao3: cryptofhoney

↳ my DSMP playlists

↳ loosely what I may or may not be working on currently

↳ DSMP Fic Chronology Spreadsheet

↳ I don't rlly tag consistently for anything so like, be forewarned.

↳ art I draw is tagged with #my art; writing I do is tagged #my writing; all asks are tagged #asks; and I almost never keep up with it but non-reblogs/original posts for a time were placed under #yens

↳ lore main! Assume everything I talk about is about the characters unless otherwise specified

↳ be decent. Be kind. For the love of god don't victim blame or harass people

↳ for clarity: I don't support cc!Dream or cc!Wilbur and am not comfortable engaging with blogs about either content creator, both directly and through my work. I don't go through the blogs of everyone that interacts with me bc I have a life but I will block if it comes to my attention. Don't rlly believe in the efficacy of dni statements so this is not one. But yeah jsyk

□ ■ □ ■ □ ■ □ ■ □ ■ □ ■ □ ■ □ ■ □ ■ □ ■ □ ■ □ ■ □ ■ □ ■ □ ■ □ ■ □ ■ □ ■ □

here are some of the things i have made:

Silver Dollar: President Schlatt is dead, murdered. It's up to you to find his killer.

A murder mystery game created in Twine, set during the Manberg era. Chapter 1 out of 4 has been posted.

Journeying Into the Center of the Earth to Retrieve Your Dead Ex-Boyfriend: Quackity goes to Hell.

Post Canon-Divergence c!Quacknap AU where Quackity does the classic Descent into the Underworld to Save a Loved One™

BED [DIS]ASSEMBLY: A STURDY BED FRAME WITH SOFT, PROFILE EDGES AND HIGH LEGS. A CLASSIC SHAPE THAT WILL LAST FOR MANY YEARS. THIS CLASSIC BED FRAME WILL LOOK GREAT WITH YOUR CHOICE OF TEXTILES AND BEDROOM FURNITURE.

c!Sapnap-centric creative writing piece, in the format of an edited IKEA manual

KILL YOUR PAST SELF: YOU WILL KNOW WHEN THE TIME HAS COME

c!Quackity-centric infographic(?) about ego death and metaphorically killing your previous iteration because it can no longer sustain itself. Or you.

WE ALL THINK YOU'RE A GRAND GIRL: NIHACHU Well they’re gone now I guess you all saw it. Schlatt chased them out not in this great clashing of blades and war they just had to run

c!Niki-centric oneshot, about her arc during the Manberg-Pogtopia war. Based on the style and themes of Anne Carson's Antigonick.

with the measure that you used / so shall it be measured to you: Sapnap, post-Dream.

Post-canon fic where Sapnap kills Dream and keeps on living. Written in the format of several interviews with SMP newspapers over 2-3 decades.

The Death Poem: What is known about dying on the server.

A poem for every canon death on the server (in some cases of group deaths they are combined, like FCR.)

Carthage may rise again someday

collection of what should be all of the dsmp poems I've written, most of which are also posted here. There's poems about everyone from Philza to Wilbur to Fundy to Wilbur again to Quackity to Wilbur again! to Sapnap to Quackity-

before we cut to Alexandria: Between you is a desk and, an hour later, a wall, and your brother- let’s call him your brother, because you do not have to like your brothers, but you have to have them. And he is here, your brother.

c!cabinetduo (Manberg era) poem that warrants its own post. Might be the longest poem I've ever written and I have no idea how that happened even. Also on ao3.

you don't have to love it: Turning heel; or, deciding not to die.

c!Quackity-centric professional wrestling au. Kind of a character study. Kind of a love letter to how compelling getting beat up and beating people up can be ^_^ and also kayfabe and heel turns and losing

12x100s: the loneliest people in the whole wide world - Fundy and Quackity; where the high wires drop (where the fat crows fly) - Sam and Ponk

12x100s are a format by Lewis Attilio. Series' of twelve 100-word snapshots. Pretty great for character studies. The fics aren't related to one another, they're just both 12x100s.

Left Pining for Transience: Quackity Snowfall is a perfect machine, capable of assisting Senator Schlatt however he needs. Theirs is a relationship of mutual benefit--he helps Schlatt stay in power and Schlatt keeps him out of the grasp of the omnipresent megacorporation REDSTONE. Quackity has nothing else to turn to, no reason to stray from his position until he meets Karl, a rogue neural net touting what appears to be sentience.

c!Karlnapity cyberpunk AU where Karl lives inside Quackity's head. Written in two months for AUFEST 2023. It is my first go at a completed longfic. I wish it could be better but that's okay. We're learning.

Various AU series: The Paltry Few-Harbinger AU (supernatural/monster hunting); no don't tell me the odds (blaseball);

I have other standalone fics that take place in alternate universes, but these are the ones that actually have multiple works in the series.

november 16

webweave about fallen cities and dreams that could only be a whisper.

your death and mine

c!sandduo webweave about the act of killing your son.

WE ARE NOT TRAITORS BUT THE LIGHTS GO OUT

c!dreamnap webweave about loving your best friend, who is, in some sense or another, dead.

LONGING BECOMES ITS OWN OBJECT

c!karlnapity webweave about an absence and tidal wave of love both.

CUT ME DOWN WHERE THE WATER MEETS THE SEA

c!Fundy webweave about fathers

Relief Pitcher: so send me up, so sound the alarm

Niche but I love this so it makes the list. c!Quackity webweave based on the song Relief Pitcher by the Garages.

but once upon it / the yellow bonnet

This is a drawing of karlnapity getting married and tbh it fucks. That's all.

Bad Blood

@/anonymous-dentist wrote a comic that I illustrated for @/dsmpherozine! It's about vigilante!Karl breaking into Las Nevadas.

other art of mine that I think is cool: Kiss of Judas - Eretbur; Independence or Death - L'Manberg zine; DEICIDE - Dreamnap; Karlnapity sleeping sketch; more karlnapity; c!Quackity magdalen with the smoking flame study; slasher wedding concept; karlnapity become triangle; Honq cozies; you guessed it it's more karlnapity; 3 guys 1 bed - Kinoko; Karlnapity painting based off a poem; Devil and Fallen Angel - Tinarose;

Poster redraws: communist gay eggpire, SUPPORT UNIONS FOOLISH GAMERS SAYS TO SUPPORT UNIONS

hey man sometimes the urge overtakes me

Various comics: dream & divinity; skephalo & healing; tntduo & mutual destruction; devil town chapter 11 by hooray; sapnap and homemaking; tommyinnit & persevering; karlnapity & a complete list of fears; ponk & a broken relationship; wilbur & the final control room; awesamdude & the warden; fundy & routine; karl & love

like 5 of these are lyric comics and 3 are specifically using songs from the mountain goats. good lord

[the-ghost-king]

So I'm not going to start like an Anti-Chiron tag because I don't find that enjoyable personally, but every so often people ask why I dislike him so here's essentially a "masterpost" of my thoughts on that situation for when anyone asks, just so I have it to explain some...

This isn't nearly a full list, and there's many more "incidents" that make me less than fond of Chiron, I don't hate the old man but he leaves a bad taste in my mouth and I'm not a fan of that. He's a very twisted character.

- The Lightning Thief

This quote is literally just after Percy's mom "dies", they're all sitting on the porch of the Big House right after he's finally woken up after days of sleeping, and that's the line Chiron pulls out on him.

That's straight up emotional manipulation which was entirely unnecessary in the context of what Chiron was trying to explain. There wasn't a single reason for that, in the slightest.

Immediately following that, and Percy, who canonically has anger issues, does his best to remain calm, he is immediately threatened by Dionysus, and Chiron doesn't even tell Dionysus off for doing that; Chiron just let's it happen. It's Grover who has to speak up to tell Dionysus off...

The only reason Chiron comes out looking like a old guy in this scene is because Dionysus was so much worse in his behavior, at one point intimidating Percy with his power over madness.

- The Titan's Curse

This is the aftermath of when Nico ran away upon confirmation of Bianca's death. When Percy is telling Chiron about the situation, Chiron wishes Nico had been eaten alive rather than recruited into an army.

He'd rather a child be dead than fight against him, and he openly tells this to other children he's in charge of. If Percy went missing would he have said "I hope he was eaten <3" as well?

I don't blame Perry for not delivering the truth here, it was done in an effort to protect Nico; which wasn't something Annabeth had planned on doing... I don't blame Annabeth for that though either, she's been beneath Chiron so long that she probably doesn't realize the shady stuff he does, and to her "going to tell" probably was the "right" move because she was a child...

But the fact that Chiron believes Nico truly would be better off eaten than alive :/

- Tower of Nero

This quote from Tower of Nero shows that Chiron lied to a bunch of young children (most of them were young because the older campers are largely dead because of the war or too old for camp now). It wasn't just a little white lie that adults sometimes tell kids either; they were walking into battle and he told them it was a field trip.

Did he even begin to explain the danger he was putting these kids in? Did the children understand their situation? And how dangerous it was?

Kayla has been blindsided over the years into thinking that telling children they're going on a field trip instead of fighting a battle is something to make a joke of and not be questioned... (Again, I don't blame her she's only like 12 in the book, but still)

Apollo also agrees, which isn't on Chiron but it's a whole mother reason why I can't stand Rick's interpretation of Apollo...

<><><><><>

This isn't me being like "oh Chiron is the worst most evil character ever" I just think that he has numerous flaws which are largely ignored in favor of the "perfect wise teacher" narrative when in fact Chiron and Dumbledore share a lot of.. Offputting qualities.

I do think that some of the situation is simply a result of Chiron having his hands tied behind his back by the gods some. And he even goes so far as to confirm this in a scene of TLT

However many of the scenes in which he exhibits behaviors like that in my first three screenshots are not related to anything the gods require and are, in fact, of Chiron's own free will.

Some things I would blame Zeus and the council for, such as how he withholds information from Percy to an excessive amount for long periods of time even when Percy straight up asks about things. I could easily see that being Zeus trying to prevent Percy from claiming the prophecy as his own, and I could see reasoning that maybe Chiron had sworn over the River Styx or something similar.

But those things don't apply to Chiron making such an unnecessary comment about Percy's mother so close to her "death". It doesn't explain why he would say he hoped Nico had been eaten out loud, and it doesn't cover the fact that he led children into a battlefield without telling them that's what was happening.

I think the context of Chiron's choices and comments would be different if the campers were older. If they were in their late teens or early twenties for the most part, I wouldn't really have much to say about how Chiron handled the situation.

But this man is in charge of children and extremely young teenagers, Percy is only 12 in TLT, maybe if he would have been 16 or 17 then I could give Chiron a pass, but he wasn't. Within the context of the comment he made in the Titan's Curse, Percy is only 14 and Nico is 10 at the beginning of the book... You don't wish a 10 year old had been eaten alive by a monster no matter how bad you think the alternative is, and if you do wish that you don't say it out loud to a group of other children. In the battle from Tower of Nero we get a quick look at the battlefield, and although Ben's age, and the age of another girl fighting alongside him are never confirmed they are implied to be fairly young, and we know Kayla is only 12 at the time too; yet Chiron told them it was a field trip instead of a battle, limiting the time they would have to mentally prepare themselves for what was coming.

On top of that, the nods the reader gets to the fact that Chiron can't act out against the gods depletes over the course of the series. After TLT the amount of times the situation involves the gods interfering with what Chiron is allowed to say lessens, and by the time the Heroes of Olympus series comes around, these limitations on his speech is almost entirely gone. Yet as seen in Tower of Nero he still does morally questionable things in regards to how he treats the campers.

Like I said, I recognize that in many scenes Chiron's hands are tied behind his back because of the gods.. But there are undeniably things he does of his own free will that are, in the nicest manner, very :/

This also isn't a full list of comparisons just a few notable scenes. I don't think Chiron is equally as bad as Dumbledore, but I think it undeniable that Chiron has some significant flaws built into his character design.

A good character has flaws, and there's nothing wrong with having a character that doesn't always conduct themselves properly or have good intentions- it's actually good writing, and I can appreciate that, but for some reason I find myself personally rubbed the wrong way by Chiron. This doesn't make Chiron badly written, or poorly designed, in fact I would say Rick's Chiron is very well designed in lots of ways, but I just don't like how it's never acknowledged by anyone in the series.

Like I said, I'm not starting an anti-Chiron situation, I just think little events like those mentioned, the way he's built a child army, and how he doesn't even try to plead with the gods over raising the ages on campers being allowed to battle is a little sus. But it more so bothers me that there's no attention payed to this problem anywhere in the books, not even by a side character or Luke, nowhere.

I don't actually care that much and this isn't that important to me, but sometimes people ask why I don't like Chiron and this is basically just my explanation to hand off to them... It's not even so much that I dislike Chiron entirely, he's well written and has his "good" moments, I just don't like the way other characters interact with him and his actions.

It's more a personal beef with him rather than an aspect of poor writing or him "being bad"... PJO in general (and HoO/ToA to a much lesser extent) shows that there's not such an inherent good vs bad in the world, and that sometimes people are victims of circumstances in some situations, or they're horribly misguided in their actions, but the series does a good job of showing those people as human still, and I applaud that.

I don't really know how to tie this up in its entirety, but there's nothing wrong with having a morally grey character who does questionable things and in many aspects it is good writing. I think Chiron is a result of Rick not thinking through the implications what he's doing in lots of situations, and I can see a fairly consistent drop in Chiron's characterization from PJO-ToA which is consistent with most other aspects of Rick's work.

I also want to clarify that if you like Chiron and disagree with me, that's absolutely 110% okay, I just personally dislike Chiron and that's on me. Like my problem with many of Rick's other immortal characters, I think he missed important aspects of them in some manner and slightly (or entirely in some cases) mischaracterized them in comparison to their original myths.. Some of these characters he came around on and fixed their character in many aspects to their more "correct" characterization (like Hera), while others (like Chiron and Apollo) he never quite figured them out. Which is a running complaint I have with Rick so I'm just adding this to his tab.

But yeah, I don't hate Chiron I just dislike him and those are different things, and I don't think it's a bad thing to have a morally questionable character, Chiron just personally rubs me the wrong way and I just wanted to explain that more fully because I've been asked about it multiple times.

Also I apologize for not adding a [read more] to this, it's a complaint of mine often when scrolling through the tags but I'm on mobile currently and don't have immediate access to a computer so~

[thetaoofbetty]

honestly i love angst but riverdale writers don't know how to write good angst and at this point i just want bughead back i can't wait any longer

they also don't know how to write long angst, tbh. it's why they've basically dropped hints about bughead all season and we're just starting to get to it with a handful of episodes to go. it is easier to write characters separately when you're not ready for them to be together, it takes a lot of care and attention to the characters and the narrative to have them be consistently around each other and keep the same level of tension with angst. riverdale doesn't excel at that. i mean, look at varchie, they had about 3 episodes of being around each other before they ended up back together? and then when they split them up again, they're back to being totally apart.

riverdale is a lot of things but unpredictable it is not.

more asks under the cut:

i love val and would like to see what she's been up to.

...i've never liked kevin, tbh. his friendship with betty (mostly because it's badly written because they just put random words in his mouth and he sounds flakey and catty 95% of the time) was never something i enjoyed. and that's not even adding in the whole lobotomy thing.

haha, you're not wrong tho. whatever roberto says, halve the drama in reality. then halve it again. then side eye it and discount it almost completely.

if they're going to do something weird, i'd prefer it with an end date truthfully. not sure what they're going to do with any of it or if ras is finally living the dream of bringing the supernatural to riverdale but it would be more fun as an outside, one time thing rather than them just sidestepping the fact that the show didn't have that for the first 5 seasons.

i am tired, however, of the nonstop grimdark nonsense. these writers seem to think that misery p*orn and angst are interchangeable and i'd like to have a word with them about that.

i don't know how to tell you that if you dated someone for years, you had a long term relationship with them. time apart doesn't actually negate the time you spent dating someone so, i mean, yeah, i don't know what to tell you.

[sharkface-daydreams]

🏅 What is something you recently felt proud of in regard to your writing (finished a fic, actually planned for once, etc). 👨‍👧‍👧 Do you tell people in real life that you write fic? 💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

What is something you recently felt proud of in regard to your writing (finished a fic, actually planned for once, etc).

Ok. Time to think up proud thing #3. Well, I'm proud that I've written and published so much in such a short time. I'd basically only been writing for myself for the past decade ish, mostly just Skyrim OC(PC?) backstories. But as of now my AO3 word count for 2021 is .... jesus. over 60k lmao. that's a lot. and only what I've posted! I kinda get down on myself a lot recently because I'm having trouble writing like I want to but like. That's nothing to sneeze at. :) i done good lol

Do you tell people in real life that you write fic?

HAHA NO my partner is supportive but also isn't the transformative work type, we just can't get our respective heads around the other's mindframe with regards to interacting with media and that's ok. my head is full of 'what ifs' and his is full of canon dissection for study and analysis only. he likes his authors alive and i like mine dead.*

but yeah he's pretty much the only person i've EVER told irl that I write fanfiction. i guess it wouldn't be /awful/ these days to tell other people but like when i started writing it was definitely not cool to be writing fanfiction at all let alone queer stuff so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ the defenses are still up lol

What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

Hmmm I don't know if I keep many consistent headcanons across AUs, I kind of like to mix things up...

Plenty of trans headcanons: almost always Sharkface, big fan of trans Locus, Tucker, Simmons and Sarge. I don't think there's actually any straight people in my universe. :o everybody is some flavor of straightn't

In my head the Director and Counselor were bitter exes by the time they were working on Project Freelancer. actually most of the time I think I keep the same backstory for them - they're both prominent researchers in the AI science field and despite their nasty breakup several long years ago Leonard requests Aiden specifically for PFL because there isn't anyone he trusts with the work. this of course strains their working relationship and eventually the program lol

Hmm. also that most people who end up with more than one AI or have one fucking up their brain for too long end up with some sort of plurality. Maine/Meta, Wash, Lina, Caboose, Doc, possibly North and York but I don't think I've ever actually written those two o.O Tex and Church are ofc fragments so they're pieces of a system by default

maybe one day I'll get around to polishing and sharing my plural!Meta lives AU lol

ty for the letter 💌 ^^

*this is a terribly worded death of the author joke please no one take it out of context ><

[impulsivelycontentious]

No one reads this or connects it with my other online identities but since I've removed personals involvement from my other social media stuff, and I feel like bitching, I am jsut gonna go ahead and do it.

So I have brain damage. Yeaaaaars ago I threw up so hard I actually ripped open the inside of an artery in my neck, and it threw a clot, and that clot did some nasty shit on its way on through and out.

No doctor noticed for two weeks.

Everyone else did.

Good times.

Anyway.

So now I have a damaged brain. Brains don't grow back. Some areas can regenerate a few cells - notably the prefrontal lobe - but mostly brains fix themselves not by regenerating like skin does, but by rearranging the cells we have to fire to fancy new configurations.

This has been quite the ride. Because shit, it changes things.

I don't even know how much of my personality is consistent. No idea. Let alone everything else.

I have memory loss my nurologist won't akowledge because it falls short of dementia. That was the bar. "You don't have dementia, you know what year it is." Gee thanks there chief.

Anyway.

My brain wasn't too stable to begin with. I have always been prone to logic leaps that occur very quickly and not necessarily in ways other people would make them. My mind is jumbled and a little random and things collide all the time that probably shouldn't.

This has become much worse since the brain damage. See, my brain keeps wiring shit together. Shit it really shouldn't. It changes who I am, what I think, what I can think.

It's actually quite terrifying to realise you're a sack of geletine misfiring lighting at itself.

So anyway. To the point. Yes - I have one of those. Probably. It's somewhere in here.

Oh right, no, another detour. I'm autistic. "Oh yeah, they definatly didn't screen girls when I was a kid because how the fuck did they miss this otherwise" autistic.

Back to the point.

Recently I had this sensory processing ... Whatever the fuck that was. I call them.idssocistive episodes. I don't know how accurate that is. But my mind unhooks from my sensory data. Everything feels muted and unreal - sound, sight, touch, heat. Name it. It's wrong.

I hate these.

It gets particularly nasty because there are nurologicsl consequences. See, my concious mind ramps up it's interpretation of sensory data. It goes all in and leaves the rest of my existence stuffed in this tiny little box without enough space to do dick.

One effect of this is I suddenly become highly obsessive. I think it's a comfort mechanism, I require the same stimulus over and over again or to somehow mentally connect it to the same element. Of course, it could also jsut be that obsessive behaviour towards interests is part of who I am. I am autistic. I DEFIANTLY go all in when something fascinates me. But not... Not like this.

Do you have ANY IDEA how many times I watched starwars 8 in 72 hours? Any clue? Holy fricking ... Something. I watched it fast. I watched it slow. I watched it skipping ahead 10 seconds every 10 seconds. I dissected that thing in micrscopic detail.

It gets better. Because mere hours before I got hit with this episode... I was not a starwars fan.

Nope. I watched it. It was ok. I wasn't going out of my way for it.

And suddenly. Wham. Episode 8. All the time. I watched some 7 and 9 as well but it was like it was entierly because eit was connected to 8.

I cannot even.

And while this is happening, *I know*. I know. I really do. I know this isn't my normal behaviour. I know this isn't my wheelhouse. I know something is deeply, deeply wrong in my brain.

I think it might actually be an ok movie, honestly. But not THAT good. And now it's one of my favourite things. Forever. I have no idea if it's actually good. Did I not give eit a chance the first time? Is my obsessive brain simply emotionally hooked up how? Fuck, I don't know.

So that's why I'm posting today. On this day. May 4th.

I'm seeing a lot of star wars today and it's making my brain tickle with it's own ridiculousness.

Not the whole point though. Because it lasted 72 hours (I watched dit one more time after that and if wasn't near as intense).

But what happened AFTER my 72 hours as an obsessive raylo (oh yeah. I went there. I'm not even ashamed. I am also compeltely content with the end they got, because I do not see that shit working out).

Brains don't regrow. They rewire.

And suddenly, I'm drawing. Like... A lot. I filled pages of doodles. Sketches. I redrew a peice I'd been working on for about a month in a few hours and damnit, it was good. It's not professional quality but I'd never down anything that well before. This goes on for another day. And then I started a story, and I wrote 2000 words all at once.

I'm dyslexic. And words are severely impacted by my brain damage to the point it can cause me phsycial pain to force my thoughts in to words.

And here I am. Going nuts on my phone. The words just spilling out and again - damnit, it was good shit.

My brain was abstracting. Where the concious sort had been shunted, it wasn't directing the abstracting aspect of my mind.

And I was making cognative leaps. My brain was wiring itself together for creativity.

For another 24 hours.

And now, dear reader, we get to now.

I have written 200 words in the last 2 days. They feel wrong.

I started and stopped a dozen images. None of them feel right. And there are objective quality differences.

I can still draw a bit. If I'm not tired. I'm almost always tired - it's neural fatigue, it comes with surviving a brain damage.

I have somehow brain damaged my way in to better skills.

And it's... It's not a good feeling.

Doing it the first time and watching something take place in front of my eyes I don't recognise was like magic. It was euphoric. Amazing. Exciting.

Realising as time wears on that the ability to do this is intrinsically tied in to the way ones brain handles brain damage and sensory processing issues?

Not a great feeling cats. Not at all.

I find myself staring at a document willing words on tot he page that just aren't there anymore and feeling so frustrated I could scream.

Whose idea was this anyway? Why can't I keep my rewiring?

It's so hard dto explain the feeling of loss.

It's not me who did these things. A version of me, yes. But not the one we are keeping.

The one we keep struggles to hold a narrarive in her head and the narrator's tone took 3 rewritten to preserve for a single paragraph.

I don't want to stop. But how do I keep going? I'm not the author anymore and I've always struggled with adopting the tone of others.

So yeah. That's where I'm at. And I wanna talk about it. Because I don't want to be alone. But I can't escape the feeling I'm being dramatic. Terribly dramatic. And so talking about it is hard. How much is my own spin and perception and how much is real?

Did this really happen?

I think it did. But like every story I tell, I don't know. Memory loss. Cognetive issues.

I just wanna tell stories and draw. But the words hurt and the art makes me tired.

It's frustrating is all.

I hate being lighting geletine.

In case you're wondering what kind of cognative leap happened:

That one is april 4th.

And that one April 28th.

🤷‍♀️

Fucked if I know, really.

[kweenpwark]

Art | Huang Renjun

Part one | two | three

-Mom and Dad-

Thursday

Renjun’s POV

I stood in front of the door, hesitating to knock. My hands sweaty and my heart drumming against my chest. I've never done this before, everything is new to me. In love with a girl I just met, but it feels like I've known her for years.

Finally, I decided to knock on the door. I waited for it to open and reveal the girl I've been so eager to see. I heard a faint shout inside but once the door opened, all I see is a man in his mid 40's looking at me with a questionable look

"Uhh Hi, Mr. S/N" I said with a smile "My name is Renjun and I'm Y/N's soulmate" I continued. He stared at me, a growing smile is painted on his face "Come in" he said moving to the side

I walked in and looked around. The house is big, but looks really cozy despite the size. "Please, Feel at home" he said, standing beside me. I followed him to the living room and looked at him sit on the couch "Sit, my son. Don't feel nervous"

'He called me "my son"'

I smiled at him and sat down. "Honey, who's at the door?" I looked at the direction where the voice came from. I saw a woman that seems to be in her early 40's. She looks so much like Y/N

Her eyes landed on me. She gasped and sat beside me "Are you Y/N's soulmate?" She asked "U-uh yes. My name is Huang Renjun" I said slightly bowing my head to show respect "You're so handsome. Now I know why my daughter's been so happy. She's not the smiley type, you see." She said. I was happy to hear what she said

"Dad! I told you to wait for me to open the door!" Y/N came running down the stairs. I panicked "Dont run! You might get hurt!" I shouted going towards the stairs. I hugged her once she got on the last step "You shouldn't run while going down the stairs. You might get hurt, I don't want that" I whispered while arranging the strands of her hair on her face. She just smiled sheepishly and held my hand

While walking towards her parents, I said "Sorry, I panicked" "It's okay, sweetie. We kept telling her to stop doing that. I think she'll listen now that you're the one telling her" I looked at Y/N. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her closer to me "Don't worry. I'll make sure to always remind her to take care of herself and always be careful" I said, looking at her parents

"Are you gonna take her out on a date today?" Her mom asked. I nodded and said "If it's okay for you Mrs. S/N and of course, Mr. S/N" "Oh,, you're too formal. Just call us mom and dad, you are the love of my daughter's life after all" her dad said "and you can take her out anytime. You can even barge into our house anytime." Her mom said

We talked for a while before walking out the house with her parents

Y/N's POV

"Mom, dad, well go ahead" I said while waving at them walking towards Renjun's car

The drive to the amusement park consisted of off-note singing, laughing, flirting, and staring at Renjun's side profile. "Babe, stop staring at me. I might get distracted." He said, smiling "Sorry, just can't believe you're my soulmate"

Once we arrived at the amusement park, I jumped out of the car, excited "Renjuuuuuun~, faster~~" I said "o~~kay, let's go" he held my hand and dragged me to the entrance. He gave the tickets to the staff and we went straight to where the food stalls are

"It's almost lunch time. Do you wanna eat lunch first?" He asked "Yeah, I'm quite hungry" I answered. We picked a restaurant and went in it. Once we got inside he let go of my hand but wrapped his arm around my waist

We picked a booth in the corner for more privacy. A waiter approached us and said "Good Afternoon Sir, Ma'am. My name is Joonhyuk and I'll be serving you for today. Just call for my name and I'll be here to take your orders" he smiled and walked away

Renjun’s POV

We decided on what food we'll eat and what beverage we like. I called the waiter and told him our orders. I noticed how he would always glance at Y/N but never looked at me. He bowed and walked away after listing everything.

I started at Y/N while she talks about how her life was before we met. Her cute little nose crunches and pouts. Her amusing eye rolls and smirks. Everything about her is just perfect.

‘She looks so cute’

After minutes of waiting, our food finally arrived. "Please enjoy your lunch" We thanked him and started eating.

Itty bitty time skip~

I was drinking the juice I ordered, still paying attention to what Y/N was saying. She stopped for a moment to drink but something caught my eye.

"Babe, what's that?" I asked. She stopped drinking and looked at me with confused eyes "Which one?" She asked me. I reached over and removed the paper stuck under her drink. The paper was wet but you could still make out what was written

"It's a number" I said "Oh, really? Hand it over". I looked at her but still handed her the paper. She read the number on the paper and looked at it for a moment. I was curious on what she'll do

"Nah" she said while crumpling the paper. I smiled at her. "I don't need his number, I have yours." She said looking at me with sparkling eyes. Right, I'm everything you need" I told her while smiling oh so widely

"You done? Rides and booths are waiting for you" "Yup. Come on, I need to win plushies" we stood up and walked towards the counter "Receipt for table 6, please" the cashier handed me the receipt in a cash book. I paid for the meal and turned around to face Y/N "Let's go" I wrapped my arm around her waist and walked out of the restaurant

We walked towards a booth. I looked at Y/N, excitement written all over her face "You wanna play?" I asked "Yes, please" I paid for the game and watched her play

"Awww, I really want the cute pink piggy" I heard her murmur when she lost the game "You want the cute piggy? Then I'll win it for you" it took me a couple of times before winning the game. Once she received the plushie, she hugged me tight and thank me a lot

"You're welcome, babe" I said kissing her forehead. I looked at her "let's try more games" and so she dragged me from booth to booth, ride to ride.

The day was spent happily. Big smiles on our faces once we got down the last ride. We walked towards the bench and sat down "Y/N," I turned towards her. She looked at me with a smile "I don't think I've asked you this question before" I continued

She has this cute curious face "Y/N, will you be my girlfriend?" I looked at her, nervous. She jokingly rolled her eyes. Turning her body towards me, she cupped my cheeks and said "Is that even a question, Renjun? Of course I'll say yes" she said with a wide smile

Y/N's POV

I let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding. He pulled me closer to him, starting to lean in "Can I?" I nodded and closed the gap between us. The kiss was deep and passionate, filled with love and affection.

I pulled away and looked at him lovingly watching him as he kissed my forehead and the tip of my nose. He placed his forehead on mine and said "Please know that, I love you, Y/N." His warm, large hands cupping my cheeks

"You and me both, Renjun" I leaned in and placed a peck on his lips "You and me both"

Here’s part 3, the last and final part. I really tried my best so I’m hoping that you guys would like it😊😊😊 School has been really tough for me so I hope you’re doing all fine and well💚💚💚