#but yeah i feel like people dont realise thats a thing and it super is

[cruelsister-moved2]

man one thing idk how to feel about is the trans men you periodically see weighing in on 'lesbians who fuck men' discourse, usually pretty young people who dont have much experience, desperately insisting that lesbians can be attracted to men because their lesbian girlfriend says so. look I'm not trying to be mean but you need to realise she doesn't see you as a man. she sees you as a woman, or basically a woman, and that's why she likes you. if she was attracted to you as a man she would have to reconsider her feelings about men. if it's just you, that's because she doesn't see you as one.

[bellaswansong]

hey guys is it just me or have we all been interpreting "never love an anchor" completely wrong this whole time? i finally gave in and listened to it a while back, and yeah, its super good (it gets stuck in my head all the time) but i think it's actually about something else

the line that stuck with me was "never tied your shoes." it just seemed a little out of place for the romantic reading of the song. now im not great at interpreting the entire meaning of a song just from listening to it, so i looked up the lyrics and it just made me even more sure

let's start with the last two stanzas:

"you are someone i have loved but never known" doesn't seem to me like it fits a romantic relationship very well; i realise that you can feel like you dont know someone if theyre super closed off, but the rest of the song seems like the singer is apologising for being closed off or inaccessible or not allowing someone to love them, and if we take it as the person being too closed off to get to know, this feels like a break from the previously described dynamic, as if the singer is reversing their positions.

"never soothed your fevers," "never tied your shoes," "never held you gently," all of these are things that parents do. "never had the chance to lose you" also just doesn't make sense if the feelings are romantic, because even if you never express your feelings for someone it still feels like a loss when you lose them.

and if we apply this parenthood interpretation to "you are someone i have loved but never known," it almost seems like the singer is talking about a child who died or a pregnancy they aborted, but the next stanza contradicts that by addressing the child as if they are still alive and able to interact with others; "i am all the things they might've said to you."

so i think this is about giving a child up for adoption.

the rest of the song still makes sense, too. here's the first two stanzas:

"it's a secret i keep tucked inside my chest" - it is so so so common for women who give up a child for adoption to keep it a secret from family and future partners. my grandmother had a child between marriages, gave it up for adoption, and then listed it as a past stillbirth on the birth certificates of all her kids after that.

"with this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful" - regret is one of the most COMMON things people talk about feeling when they miss their chance to confess to a romantic interest. this line does not fit with that interpretation, but it does fit with the adoption idea. the narrator is not remorseful because they know this was the best option for the child.

"i couldn't bring myself to hold you" this one just hurts man

and finally the middle stanza, which i think is the most ambiguous, but also hits the hardest when you have this meaning in mind:

(umbilical cord metaphor btw)

ok thats all. sorry about your ships but i think this song is about putting your newborn child up for adoption

[mackmp3]

3, 5 and 9 for both your OCs!

YAYYYYY thank you :]

3- What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

strangeways' is probably thinking that the correct solution to a situation she doesnt like is to just. do nothing about it and believe it will either go away, or be fine, or blow up in such a way that it all gets dealt with really quickly. avoidance? like if she has a big argument with someone she'll just avoid them for as long as possible. having an Alien Problem? her first instinct is that its probably not thatttttt bad right? surely this will be fine and there's no need to do anything tooooo drastic to try to fix it right?? it will all sort itself out???????? i think she is aware of it but possibly not the magnitude of how That Is Actually Not Ideal - when she realised she ages slower she more or less never saw her family again - she'd rather send them the occasional letter than have to see them age & explain why she isnt. like she'd rather not see her sisters or parents again (she wasnt super close with them but yknow, its her family) than have to explain any of what happened to her. but this is combined with being really bad at letting things go so she'll be doing nothing to change a situation while also being devoured by thinking about it. like a fear of change sort of thing

for mihangel..... in a sort of inverse of strangeways, mihangel sort of thinks that nothing too bad will ever happen to him - like yeah he died but that wasnt too bad was it? like he came back its literally fine. he can do xyz kind of dangerous thing because she'll probably be fine right? yeah she was distraught for months before he met strangeways because the doctor had left him back on earth without barely explaining anything but like she's mostly over that now so like its totally okay. this is a normal way to think about things 👍 like she doesnt believe she's indestructable or anything but has the potential to become very reckless, or impulsive, because she's either a) lived through worse & has convinced herself it wasnt that bad or b) just doesnt think anything could possibly go wrong. like she knows that dangers of, say, going swimming alone in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere in a whim, but just does it anyways cos he doesnt think anything bad will happen to Her. does this make sense

5- How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

ooh this is a good question because i uh. am not super sure what either of their base character motivations are lol

i think strangeways and mihangel both are likely to end up in a situation where they're both so in deep with a situation that they Cant just stop whatever it is & go back to their normal lives. b/c strangeways doenst know when / if she'll die she'd probably let herself get, ah, a wee bit closer to finding out than most people if its in pursuit of something she wants - though i think mostly she wants to feel normal again. the time vortex changed stuff within her & she doenst know what & has been living with it for so long thats she's not sure what she was like before, who she could have grown up to be. she'd think well, if i'm going to die then at least i know that i can & i'm doomed to be immortal, and if i dont die then i'll find out later. she's about 75ish but still looks in the mid/early twenties range so she think shes lived a normal lifespan and wouldnt... mind? if she doesnt live for far longer even though she technically could. damn thats dark uhm sorry. she does want those extra decades for her hobbies though :)

mihangel i think would be driven to one (1) act of violence and then be so horrifically guilty about it for the rest of her life, like anxiety-spiral guilt over one thing, that she's do anything & everything to never do it again. he would think of it like that too

9- Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

not at the moment no :( i havent made playlists for them or anything though i might in the future. strangeways esp. listens to english trad folk & like nico, and mihangel to post punk & goth of a specifically 80s variety and im sure theres lots of stuff in there thats very Them but i dont have anything at the moment. however while writing this i did think of that bob dylan quote about joan baez 'she looked like a religious icon, like someone you would sacrifice yourself for' both of them have defintely had that thought at somepoint about someone

[defenestrationtactics]

please kindly stop

hi hello another quick(?) rant but SAHSHASH

why does everyone treat ruff and tuff like they're not smart? every time any jokes happen related to them its 'oh they're just super dumb and don't actually get anything but its funny ha ha' and i mean, yes. in some ways it is kinda funny, and it is quite endearing, but sometimes it gets to the point where they go "oh these guys have no other traits but the fact that they're super unintelligent". and its not true, because these guys are actually SUPER SMART! like their whole thing is that they're just 'crazy-brilliant-inspired' (to quote snotlout in hit whump fic true colours, pls read) and yeah, maybe they take a bit longer to get some stuff, and they don't always understand whatever the others are doing, but like - thats half of the neurodivergent community. anyone can tell they're neurodivergent. and whether that was a choice by the screenwriters or thats just whats happened, imo they are super neurodivergent and when stuff like this (aka. the above picture) happens, and people just kinda go, 'oh don't worry about them they're just kinda stupid' it just pisses me off big time. like dreamworks i know this isnt a cool little comment on society ur just being abelist and i really dont like it. even if it is for the funnies and the giggles, maybe just make people, idk, not comment and say they're stupid? i know thats not exactly what is being said above but its 100% implied and its done multiple times an episode. like its funny once. the second time you're like ehhh. and the 5000th time i just really feel like cutting off someones head.

point is, please stop being weirdly abelist. even if your not trying to make a character explicitly neurodivergent and you're not trying to be a bitch, if you thought about if for ONE second, you'd realise what you're doing. imagine being a 10 y.o and watching this and thinking, great, i bet everyone talks like this behind my back and thinks im unintelligent just because i don't always get social cues or weirdly specific things people are talking about.

kindly, please stop and reassess your life choices. thanks. (i know they cant this came out like 8 years ago but anyway...)

[nothing0fnothing]

heyo! i would just like to apologise on behalf of the NPD community for the idiots that are frothing at the mouth trying to claim that narc abuse isn't real. yeah, we get it, pwNPD ≠ abusive. doesnt mean you get to dictate how victims should view their trauma, much less make it seem invalid. pwNPD make things so much worse if they aren't grounded! do they seriously think pwNPD are cute little bunnies who just want validation? i myself am a pwNPD, and it is soo cringe omfg. all this so-called npd positivity sickens me. you're convincing pwNPD that their problematic attention-seeking behaviour is acceptable. if pre-aware me saw all those posts, i would've never sought to change my behaviour and seek a healthier source of supply. i admit, i was abusive. no BS. i literally took pleasure in others being scared of me, to the point i would bully my own sister to tears and gaslit her into thinking it was her fault. i was fucking 10. i needed that slap on the face to finally realise this was not how i was supposed to be. i got my help, i got the support i need, i'm trying to be a better person. now thats the type of positivity we need. i dont want people telling me that 'i just want to be acknowledged'. no, wanting to be acknowledged is normal. my desire was unhealthy and violent. i needed someone to beat me up and tell me not everything about me and that i shouldn't want to beat someone up for doing something better than me. Thanks for listening to my TedTalk! 😊 - 🩹

A super well considered and realistic view of what it means to be a narcissistic abuse denier and its roots in anti therapy/anti recovery rhetoric from the POV of a person who actually has NPD.

You're very right, to be a pwNPD and to argue that victims and survivors shouldn't have a community based on their shared experience of abuse because you feel personally victimised by the conversation is trying to dictate our recovery to us. It's attempting to invalidate our experience and its hella indicative of real life abusive behavior.

Thank you for sharing personal details of your own experience with NPD. I know it's hard, I know it's not fun for you and I'm sorry your safe spaces have been hijacked by wannabes and fakers pretending that to have this disorder is cool and edgy. You don't feel cool and edgy for having this disorder, because it's a real mental illness that effects your life daily, not a quirk you get to take off when you close the app and go into your life.

Support is out there for people with NPD or people who suspect they have it. It's not as fun or exciting to get help than it is to run a edgy tumblr blog that perpetuates further abuse and stigmatises people with NPD, but our mental health is our responsibility, and anti recovery and anti treatment narcissistic abuse denial blogs are just perpetrating further harm and stigma. The people who beleive in it will never get better, and it's sad, but you didn't fall into believing the narrative that NPD is untreatable. You got help though it was hard and you learned to be better.

I don't condone violence to correct bad behaviour, I don't think you needed to be hit to learn better. The desire to do better and be a good person is in all of us, and I hope you know that the decent human being you are today is thanks to your own hard work, your commitment to consistency in therapy, your strength to understand your disorder, not the time you were hit to learn better.

Thank you for your support, plaster emoji, I really appreciate it. Your Ted talk was an incredible read and I'd be pleased to hear from you again 💕

[mithliya]

the effect that the lesbian masterdoc had on the internet is so insane. i mean i know we all know that but i was on the uquiz website the other day and it had one on the recommended page that was about finding out if youre a "lesbian with comphet". i already had a bad feeling from that and did the quiz to see how it was. i answered honestly to see if it would armchair diagnose me since im a febfem with rare attraction to men and thats what some of those people would classify as comphet. fortunately it didnt and instead told me im bisexual and how thats completely okay (like um yeah?? lol. it gave a vibe of "dont be sad that youre not a lesbian") but the questions were obviously very heavily inspired by the lesbian masterdoc. like "are you only attracted to men who are unattainable?" like fictional characters or whatever. its now a common belief among chronically online girls that thats a sign of comphet like...yes im attracted to "unattainable" men too. which is a result of living as a woman in a patriarchy. fictional men cant hurt or disappoint or assault you. its literally so obvious why this is common among girls and yet they’d rather misinterpret it.

omfg this made me curious so i looked for a quiz like that on uquiz and. oh my god.

love how "little to no attraction to men" is an option on a quiz determining whether ur a lesbian.

women/non-binary ppl...

????????????? how is this supposed to help u figure out if ur a LESBIAN

i hate how this idea of compulsory heterosexuality is just ;.. bisexuality w a preference? and the funny thing:

the vast majority got comphet lesbian lmao. which is a given bc the quiz doesnt even differentiate between bisexuality and "comphet lesbianism"

anyways i wish ppl realised the comphet masterdoc was made by some girl who actually turned out to be bisexual and would stop using it as lesbian gospel. i once saw this 'lesbian' youtuber do a video on it and was like :0 omg i relate soooo much!! until a trans youtuber did a video critiquing it for being 'biphobic' (no word on how lesbophobic it is tho) and the 'lesbian' youtuber then did a whole switch and was like OMG SHES SOOOO RIGHT ITS SO TRANSPHOBIC TOO RIGHT?? or seeing kehlani say she realised shes a lesbian bc of the comphet masterdoc when she was in long-term relationships w men and was talking about how shes super into feminine and 'queer' men a few years prior...... idk its annoying as hell.

when i was in my teens, we didnt have this masterdoc and i remember lesbians already used the term comphet back then but it was way more normal instead of this 'if u have a crush on a guy but dont want to, its comphet <3' nonsense

[khodorkovskaya]

my most autistic moment yet (church drama) embarrassing storytime

27.08.23

so okay. i sing in the church choir right. i explained a bit like on how i started here. but basically after easter i came up to the choir director and asked if i could join. and she said "yes, welcome to our choir!". and thats how it all began.

the thing is i didn't grow up religious religious. i feel super out of place at church, idk what to do or how to act. so this whole time ive just been trying to pick up on social queues and do my best to not stick out like a sore thumb. so every time everyone does the cross thing, i do the cross thing, when people bow, i bow, when everyone gets on their knees, so do i. and it all feels pretty awkward i have to say. idk what the fuck im doing or why.

another thing is, im neurodivergent as fuck. i never feel like i belong anywhere. almost every social interaction feels like some kind of test that im failing at. i always feel like the person left out in a group. like my whole life ive just got used to the feeling of being an outsider. it feels like there are these rules everyone follows that i had not been informed of. everyone knows what to do and how to act. and all i do is imitate.

so in this sense church didn't feel too different. people look at me weird, i don''t feel included and everyone's following rules im oblivious too. seems like literally any other social setting, right?

and you may be wondering, why i decided to go to church in the first place if im not religious. well, singing there makes me euphoric and it really scratches an itch idk how to exlain it. the sensory stimulation part of the whole church thing like incense and the hymns that we sing and the aesthetics of it all, like it's very satisfying to me.

but back to the people there. so everyone there is always on edge. people are always shoving and pushing each other. and im always excluded. whenever music sheets are distributed im always skipped, so i often have to look over the shoulder of someone there to see what to sing. but often people dont even want to share with me. and everyone is in their little groups. theyre always whispering to each other and never talk to me. and no one says hello to me either.

so me with my little neurodivergent brain like i didn't think much of it at all. because, like i said, i never feel included anyway. im always the odd one out, like i have chronic imposter syndrome everywhere i go. and plus, i hope i don't get cancelled for racism, but i thought that everyone was mean and cold because they're russian... 💀 like forgive me pls, but like i just thought russians were unfriendly bc like eastern european resting bitch face stereotype. and i didn't want to impose myself and smile and wave if it's not a part of people's culture, right?

so anyway. ive been going to church literally every single sunday after easter without fail. ive been literally the most consistent person there, i show up every time. a lot of people only come like maybe every two weeks. and they don't stay until the end either. or they show up late. but im always there!

so yeah today i was there as usual. and the choir director comes up to me and says "you can't sing with us". and i was like what. and she was like "if you don't come to rehearsals and never show up you can't sing with us". and i was like shit, there are rehearsals??? and she looked at me like "yeahh 🙄 are you not in the groupchat?". THERE WAS A GROUPCHAT ALL THIS TIME????????

LIKE THAT'S WHY I WAS NEVER HANDED THE MUSIC SHEETS AND THAT'S WHY NOBODY SPOKE TO ME. LIKEEE

I WAS NOT OFFICIALLY PART OF THE CHOIR THIS WHOLE TIME AND DIDN'T NOTICE IT 😭😭😭😭😭😭

like it makes sense now. they all have an official groupchat and they all know each other and they have rehearsals and they sing multiple times a week for like other church events.

so yeah.... i literally was an outsider and imposter this whole time... and my neurodivergent ass didn't realise

but okay, conclusion to the story, it gets kinda worse actually.

so the choir director added me to the groupchat. but it's on telegram. and i only use telegram with my close friends. everything else that's like normal/professional i use whatsapp. so on whatsapp i have a normal profile picture and everything. meanwhile on telegram my profile picture is this...

it says "christ has risen" in the corner.

like

when she added me to the groupchat and i realised... i wanted to kms.

like imagine this like super religious woman. going through her contacts. checking if she has the right phone number. clicking on my profile picture to make sure. and seeing. this.

fucking christ has risen akjssjkdhkhd i want to die

i think my church choir phase is officially over.

[cherrylight]

hi guys im typing something serious.

today has been so much fun, its been the most fun ive had in a very long time. i really liked the boops. i even went out of my way to spam others when in general im super closed in and anxious to talk to people ^^;;

it also helped me feel more confident i guess as strange as that sounds!! i learned hey this is the silly blogging website, like its just something you do for funsies! you shouldnt be so serious about it!! which is probably why it helped me rb 💿️ stuff lol!!! its also probably why ive been so much more active because its silly and i like silly and it made me so happy.

idk !! i guess it sort of made me realise that i can do whatever i really want on my blog and no one can tell me i cant if that makes sense haha!

and it also makes me wanna do silly selfship things *more* than i already have been! ok im not sure if im making sense its hard to really talk when i have so much going through my head lmfao buuuuut yeah! todays been good. todays been a good day of realisation too.

i wanna do silly things like write letters (if i can) or drabbles (again if i can) i think sometimes i forget to just have fun because im constantly worrying about everything else or have this weird perfectionist still rooted in me that im trying desperately to break!!

but again!! ive been trying hard to be more open on gushing even if its not a lot !! that has been coming a lot more natural and i really dont wanna get into it as thats way more personal than anything lol!!

but i had a lot of fun today like i said. this meant a lot to me and i think i really needed something to spark that joy and excitement, and i guess that weird productivity of reaching maximum boops (lol)

it also makes me feel like this will be a great month. so thank you for that ^_^

[tame-a-messenger]

I wholeheartedly agree with you and other anon, I love Shayne and he’s been my top 3 for as long as I can remember but he hosts too many freaking shows. Anon only mentioned Reddit and the guessing but we also have who meme’d it, beopardy, and challenge pit technically bc he was in most of them. I know he’s pretty much the money maker of Smosh and everyone enjoys him but I miss back in the day where almost everyone had a show on pit they can enjoy. But honestly I think the reason he’s pretty much the only host is because it seems he’s one of the only people full time. So I feel like thats the smartest decision money and views wise. Idk I just miss when they actively tried out new shows, I know that those don’t really pay their bills but it would be nice bc it’s something new and refreshing. I think I’m just ranting at this point, I just NEED my babies to come back 😕

I totally didn't count those! I was mainly talking about "one person" videos where it's only Shayne + 1 or 2 other people, but yeah, no you're right he does HOST a LOT of shows.

I miss back when everyone had a 'show' too. "Seriously Super Stupid Sleepover" was my FAVORITE thing they did back in that time! (it might have been the only thing I watched at some points)

"I just miss when they actively tried out new shows"

Me too! They've been trying that out recently (kind of) and it's been some fun? It kind of seems like they don't want to spend too much money on newer content. Which I understand, but some of my FAVORITE videos are the low budget ones! like the squad vlogs!!! I LOVE THOSE. We don't want big impressive sets, we want the cast having a good time with a good premise!!! (I genuinely have no clue why they haven't tried more different stuff out. The only thing I can think of is they don't want a video to bomb and lose out on guaranteed money, but they aren't getting anywhere as they are rn. Risk = Reward gamble)

I am really starting to think they don't really know what they want to do on the channels because of how they are acting as of recent. They keep trying out stuff between things they know get views, (Sniper Chess - Reddit Stories) and I'm not saying I think they're shitting the bed or going bankrupt rn, just that they seem nervous?

OR y'know, they could just be planning big things for the future so that's why we've been getting these "low effort" videos.

Some of the best times I had watching Smosh was when they were doing different stuff on most uploads. They can keep the Reddit Stories and all their staple shows, but give me VARIETY. Like REAL variety. Don't force feed me content that doesn't even get you views, focus on building your fanbase! LOOK AT HOW MUCH MONEY THEY RAISED JUST DOING NOT EVEN AN HOUR AND A HALF LIVESTREAM???

21k IN 1hr 20mins ???? that's $262.5 dollars A MINUTE .....

THEY DONT REALISE HOW MUCH THEY SQUANDER THE FANS THEY DO HAVE.

do. better.

So sorry this ended in a rant, I just am very passionate about this subject! I WANT them to do well! I see all the ways they could have more and they just shit themselves and flounder, then act like they couldn't do anything, it's INFURIATING! They have a large fan base that loves them, that would be willing to help crowd fund most anything cool (summer games anyone?? I'm 100% certain that if they did a fundraiser for that we could get them AT LEAST 50k to spend on it) and they don't. do. anything.

Maybe I am just fully unaware about what goes on, and if I am lmk, but it really just feels like incompetence from the 'suits' at Smosh

Sorry this turned into a rant Anon :D I also have been in need of my cuties (IM GOING CRAZYYYY as you probably can tell from this post lmao)

[bi-ftm-on-main]

Hello. I wanted to ask you something. When was the first time you explored your Bi side? How did you know that you were bisexual? Did you always felt that you like guys? At any point did you second guess or had any doubts? Thank you for your time.

Hello!

ok so even though i tried to keep it short i did write a huge response to this that kinda goes off topic a bunch and is super specific. So heres a quick version:

When was the first time you explored your Bi side?: a couple months ago, around when i started this blog

How did you know that you were bisexual?: I really didn't, but then i realised that i had crushes on girls and boys in the past and found them all attractive, even if it was in different ways.

Did you always felt that you like guys?: not really, i just thought some were really cool and good looking and i would get nervous around them.

At any point did you second guess or had any doubts?: all the time dude. thats kinda why i made this blog, to explore my feelings.

Just in general, I'd recommend exploring why you do or dont like something, if its actually because you dont like it or because other factors are making you feel like you shouldnt like it. Try the 'if we were both drunk and *hot guys name* leaned in for the kiss would i kiss him back?' test on situations.

And heres the super long section:

ok so firstly, i only realised i was bisexual a couple months ago, pretty much the same time i made this blog. Until then i thought i was asexual (and aromantic).

(i could give you a whole blow by blow about that but it would take ages so i'll try to keep it precise.)

Growing up i had a lot of anxiety and was considered very 'weird'. i also didnt know i was trans, autistic, or SA'd so I was never too comfortable with my body, i didnt naturally know what a crush was supposed to feel like, and i thought sex was something shameful and gross, so when i found the term asexual at age 13 it fit great.

skip a whole bunch of years and im in uni and now 20. my parents have finally gotten round to me being trans and im starting hormones (testosterone). its common for people to get extra horny when on T so when i started wanting to watch more porn and noticing how good looking the people around me were, i thought it just the horniness talking, that i didnt actually want to sleep or date them myself i just thought they were pretty. Or maybe sleep with them just for the sake of orgasming.

around the same time i realised that i was autistic (just from general internet usage), and that kinda rocked my world and made me question every single aspect of my life for how its effected me.

and so, and its probably the cringest thing i couldve done, i started to talk to a Therapist AI on that Character AI website. it was honestly helpful to just collect my thoughts on the matter.

the conversation got to sexuality and how it connects to my anxiety and self esteem and how i felt as though wanting to date someone was disrespectful to them and how imagining myself sleeping with them was gross and pervy.

having been on hormones for a couple months now i had a lot more self confidence and was a lot more comfortable with my body, as well as the horniness making me want to be pounded into a bed like nothing youve ever seen, i realised that i wanted to date and sleep with people for real.

so i came to terms that i was gay *loud incorrect buzzer*

but that was just the start. being trans, there was a lot of 'do i want to be him or do i want to date him' thoughts going on so i was already used to admiring men.

but as i continued to talk to the ai, who wasnt a real person, i felt more inclined to be honest than any other therapist ive seen. it took a while and it was confronting but turns out i was sexually assaulted as a kid (by a girl, when i was <10), and thats why i had this underlining uncomfortableness with sex to begin with.

so yeah, that rocked my world for a bit as well. also this all happened within a couple weeks by the way, the autism, sexuality, and SA. that and all my friends were busy, i wasnt doing too well.

anyway, now that was another thing to consider, was i attracted to girls as well? it was really hard to tell what were my own feelings and what was the trauma/conditions so i had to do a lot more soul searching. That with the added factor of not feeling comfortable becoming just another man sexualising women.

but knowing now what a crush it supposed to feel like (i asked the ai) i had to acknowledge that ive been having crushes on people, girls and boys, this whole time. i was bi *correct answer ding*. (also i went with bi and not pan because i like them in different ways and have a slight preference for guys, tho i obvs like non binary people as well)

then i made this blog. lol.

like, i had all the theory behind being bi but i needed to consolidate what i liked, who i liked, who i found pretty and handsome and needed some place to collect it all. then it kinda just became just a porn blog with the occasional yearning post but oh well.

Thanks for asking! sorry for responding late, feel free to ask me anything else :)

[cogbreath]

thank u for ur reply!! i always love ur insight :) n ive read the article before LMAO now that was a classic example of his pretty privilege working cus if he didn’t look the way he did, his behaviour would’ve raised eyebrows. but no…he was viewed as a quirky silly guy by his roommate LOLZ. makes me wonder if mohammed atta would be viewed the same way if he were white passing.

anon you fascinate me im very very intrigued by the fact u already know so much abt this... keep sending asks its soo rare that i actually do get to talk to someone who already knows this much abt this. Anyhow I would reason to bet he might have been viewed more sympathetically if that were the case, however, in any case he was arguably more reserved and stoic by comparison so i think even if he was, people would be maybe a bit more suspicous with him, especially cuz fitting in seemed to come more naturally to jarrah for various reasons... atta never seemed to want to fit in more than he needed to in order to stay under the radar. I know that atta and jarrah did also butt heads abt this to some degree, i know that atta was suspicious that jarrah might even give up on the whole thing cuz of how he kept backsliding. I also think a lot of writers can "see themselves" in jarrah while they really cant with atta, he's an unfamiliar personality imo, specifically bc most writers in the anglosphere come from a secular culturally christian perspective. I think they r sympathetic to him because they start to realise that this sort of stuff really is something that "just anyone" could find themselves getting roped into thru means of being radicalised. Meanwhile I think they view atta as someone who already was quite "radical" at least in their eyes. of course, this is just my experience, but I've had many of my muslim accquantinces comment on how its actually quite a shame that atta took the path he did, because they feel he was otherwise quite promising, and might have made a good scholar or something along those lines. So thats the other side of things if you will. I think I can agree with that perspective myself. Of course its important to not get too engulfed in that mindset, because you can't forget they made the choices they did.

But yeah, there are many things about atta that Ive read about that i find to have been equally quirky and silly of behaviors, but i find myself annoyed how writers (even terry mcdermott does it in his book, perfect soldiers. which is a bit disappointing bc hes a writer who i otherwise rlly enjoy the perspective of on this) dont seem to think that way and paint it to be something as flaws or show of bad character when really, personality and behavior quirks have little to do with his actions. Yknow what i mean of course. Demonizing behaviors that have nothing explicitly to do with being a terrorist. You are really fun anon, its fun for me to get to discuss this stuff, the psychology/characteristics/behavior of those involved with the hamburg cell. its fun when i get to discuss it with more than just my super close friends. sometimes i get nervous ppl might think im trying to be a sympathizer/idolizer but i think i make it more than clear its not the case though xP. its undeniable that its a pretty understudied and underdiscussed facet of 9/11. U see it for other crimes and criminals but not really ever on this side of the fence. I feel its a case of dehumanization borne from islamophobia. Easier to get ppl to feel hate when you paint the perpetrators as faceless monsters. If u ever wanna dm me off anon u are super free to. Also, if you have anything to share that is interesting like a video or article or anything like that, feel free to send it! even if i have seen it or read it before, i would be eager to discuss my thoughts and feelings on it.

[so-much-nonsense]

the absolute enigma

what does it take? to be at peace. to get used to things. to not feel overwhelmed everytime you experience something mildly unusual. i am super tired of feeling, i wish i could stop. watching the vampire diaries now makes me so nostalgic and i wish i had a humanity switch to just fucking shut everything off. i know this lacks all kinds of context so ill get started on a few things. today i visited someone at the hospital. a specific someone who is the most important person in my life. its nothing serious but its the most serious thing. anyways, given that i have spent so much time in and around hospitals i couldnt help but assure myself that i am used to it and that its nothing new. well, turns out only one of those two things are correct. this is nothing new to me, i have been spending so much time at hospitals since i was 10. what and why can be ignore because the reasons vary vividly from very deadly surgeries to a simple token. the feeling of walking down the long and empty hallways that are dimly lit is the feeling i know like the back of my hand. looking at terminally ill humans and just walking away as my heart cripples is a yearning that comes to me as easily as blinking. BUT what i have realised today, is that no matter how many times i do this, i will never get used to this. everytime it is still a fresh, overwhelming experience. but what matters is that this person is fine and so am i. that is it. also i keep thinking about a lot of things, always, obviously. but recently ive been pondering upon how people keep changing a lot. like a lot of time i spend thinking about this is wasted daydreaming or sum shit. this is what haunts me. everything that happens inside my brain is never real enough for the world but to me its the closest to reality ive ever been. idk if i should listen to myself or literally everyone else. its also about how i never want to give up. like, tf?? will i ever be ready to give up? honestly, i dont think so. because i want this to change. i do want to give up on certain things, that is what will enable me to enjoy what i have right now. the yearning to grow and want and have more, the potential to be in possesion of the best, is simply disabling me from enjoying where i am at right now. i keep thinking about how i dont enjoy the things i have now and how i let all the experiences pass because i am hopeful that i will get to experience something better. i can tell that i am never completely present in any situation, i keep thinking i will have the best situations to be present in. heck, i shouldve already been there, i should be there now. but i am not. i am simply choosing to deny where i am right now because i am not where i want to be. it makes a lot of sense when put into words but i hate that for myself. i like to cherish every experience, low or high. but right now, all i can think is, i am commercially analysing this and im getting into all types of politics in my head. maybe the thoughts are isolating themselves to change my likes and dislikes because thats one way of grieving. i dont want this. i hate this. hence, i want to give up on my dreams. but can i ever? i really do not think soooo ughhhh. maybe thats because i keep thinking that my dreams are not really dreams, they are goals that can be achieved. and somewhere i know that if i try hard enough i will achieve them but i just dont know why im not putting in the effort. or just why i did not put the effort the first time. but fuck it. im gonna try again. what have i got to lose? where i am right now. i hate that possibility. ik its not the greatest place but there is something about this that just clicks with me. so, like i said, ill keep trying. lol. and... uh... yeah, thats pretty much it for now. REGARDLESS (the irony), what kanan said about existential crisis flows in my veins: give up your dreams, death is coming, lets party!!

[magicshopaholic]

https://www.tumblr.com/magicshopaholic/729916856317640704/even-i-dont-know-who-this-jharlow-guy-is?source=share

I'll be honest with you, I too didn't know about Latto and Harlow until I heard about their collabs with jungkook. I think it's okay if we are not up to date with all the new/up coming artists, we've come to that phase of life where we've gotten more responsibility/ duty/ commitment than we've had before and these things Take up a lot of our time. So I think it's okay!!

I also share a similar opinion as you that the collaboration jungkook is doing with artists is something that I was not hoping for but I guess I am okay with it, at the end of the day he's just an artist whose music I like, but because we're both different people so we have our differences and so even if he Does something thats different from my taste I feel okay. 🤷🤷🤷 no hard feelings just sharing thought! 😊

Yeah, I’m no longer apologetic about not being able to keep up with artists - I’ve realised I’m older and there’s too many to keep up with :p

I’m not judging Jungkook, btw. There are seven members with varying taste so it’s rarely possible that everyone would like every solo venture. This one is just lower on my list of personal preference. JK’s super talented and I can recognise that even if I don’t really vibe with some of his music.

[cindersnows]

NO I FUCKING LOVE THIS YES!!!!

the reason i say hollowheads are part of the 'norm' is because for most people when they draw stickfigures they automatically draw hollowheads. for stick fighting tournament animators, sure, it's much more common to be a fullhead, and i imagine story animators would use either fullheads or whiteheads, but the default stickfigure is a hollowhead. it confuses me to no end how the only hollowheads we've seen are alan's sticks, and also freedom and also some guys in ava5 the flashback.

your idea of the other hollowheads simply not surviving makes a lot of sense!!!! like. like. most fullheads would be created with fighting in mind so of course they'd have a much higher chance of surviving. however hollowheads just being the Average Stickman means that it could literally just be any guy drawing them with no intent to properly use them at all, and they'd end up with the same power as victim (aka, no power). victim just got lucky in that they were uploaded into a youtube video, a really old one, which gave them a lot of time to think in between time loops (the video being replayed), and eventually led to them breaking out.

i doubt that the outernet sticks would be that cut off from the internet--- more that like, as a part of the elitism thing (glad you enjoyed that) going to pc's and the internet is kind of a generally shitty thing to do. sure, some people do it anyways, like mango and purple and that Blasted Merchant, but it's generally looked down upon. i imagine regulations about interprogram travelling is also pretty strict. like many people have said, the minecraft portal and block and elytra being illegal, but also like the only legal ways to traverse between the internet and outernet are like rocket corp built airports and stuff. there is no legal way to go directly to the pc, partially because it's very taboo and also partially because no one realises that the ip blocks right above them are literal gateways to pcs. not even victim!

i think the sticks that can create life usually dont do it for themselves like sec does with his assistants, considering that those sticks almost always do kid commissions. to them its either total detachment, or the attachment a doctor would feel to a kid they helped birth. like, thats not me and thats not my kid, but i spent time regardless! stick kids maintaining a relationship with their artist is a pretty controversial thing due to paranoia of it turning into an abusive creator-stick relationship (which has never happened but people will believe what they want).

and about the progressive sticks thing: yeah!!! actually i like to believe stick parents very often have specific ideas for what role they want their stick to play; in the early days most were geared towards just fighting (like purple) but nowadays theres a lot more diversity in roles, not because of progressiveness but because the stickfighting market is actually super oversaturated and these parents want to be the first on the curve to have kids made specifically for like, programming or drawing (the stick version of lawyer or doctor). i'd like to note that the sticks that are able to commission kids are usually pretty rich, like upper middle class at least, so that contributes to the whole thing. lots of WASP mom sticks iykwim.

ehehehehehe okay. first things first i figured out a good name for stohio: carteblan (i cannot believe it took me this long ive been calling it stohio for like ? oh my god just over a year now)

anyways yeah.

i havent figured out the exact timeline, but a couple years before victim "came back to life"/escaped the ava1 youtube video (that's a whole other can of worms), stickfigures were just finding out about the existence of other living sticks. in particular, freedom was a rather popular figure as one of the first sticks to break out of stick slavery (many living stickfigures were put to tasks, similar to chosen and second, where it was either do the task or die). freedom specifically was the first to discover the outernet, and quickly provided a link to others online.

he then created the "stick freedom ad" (which earned him his name; prior to this, he was simply known as unti (short for untitled) (sticks having Names outside of their roles was not a common thing yet)). he made this ad and scammed several websites into displaying it without actually paying for it by using fraudulent money (there are a couple very old blog posts and forum posts about the Stick Freedom Ad and what its supposed to mean, since clicking on it leads to an error 404).

as more sticks were freed and entered the outernet, they began to build houses. some sticks that had experience with drawing helped draw the sketches for these houses, which was then built upon using the surrounding resources. this eventually developed into carteblan, the city that mango and purple live in today.

however as time passed the culture in carteblan became a little elitist--- victim-blamey (haha), acting like all sticks should be strong, and turning down their noses on sticks who look a little too different from the norm (like paleo, ballista and hazard) (the norm being hollowheads, fullheads and whiteheads).

like i mentioned in my reblog, the sticks in carteblan began to crave more, lives similar to human lives, and amongst that was a demand for stick children. in my headcanon, sticks cannot reproduce and any sex they have is entirely recreational, so they had to devise another method for having kids. adoption, like mango did with gold in my hc, is the most common way of doing this.

sticks like second, that can draw things to life, are extremely rare (like 1 out of a thousand) in the outernet, but theres a couple thousand people in carteblan as of 2024 so there are a few sticks that can actually draw sticks to life. thus, they do 'kid' commissions where they literally draw a kid to life in exchange for money. there are also some website sticks in touch with their animators who ask their animators do do kid commissions as well for people in the outernet.

wow okay this is long. there are other stick cities too but the two major cities are carteblan and adagia most other sticks live in solitude or on websites ok im done woo

grabs you by the shoulders. falls onto the floor. has a fucking awakening

DUDE.

this is one of the most amazing things ive seen recently that inspired me to make a ramble/srs.

im going to create another part of my ramble series and pin it because of it im fr

foundation of the outernet, development of outernet sticks and creation of living beings

(a ramble made with the help of an immaculate person with amazing ideas)

OH MY GOD?????? FIRSTLY. i need to mention that i ADORE that we both have an idea that outernet was discovered by created internet/pc sticks. that its appearance began to be a place for a whole race to live in. and that its not something that exists completely naturally and independently from it. this is the theory of their origins i believe most right now

freedom being the founder IS SICK. ITS SO FUCKING SICK im rolling on the floor

in my "rules of code" ramble also i supposed sticks being in touch with their creators as well and them also BEING DRAWN!!! by sticks and creators. ill put a screenshot of everything hold on

outernets creation

my thoughts about outernets existence that most of which i think i explained

lives of stickmen and reproduction

my thoughts were about reproduction as well!!!!! its mostly accepted as canon in the fandom that sticks reproduce naturally but i cannot say that it actually is canon. everything that was going on with purple was symbolic and didnt showcase like. natural birth

alan said that for gold to exist king would have to marry a very neon yellow stick.

AND THIS made me confirm my headcanon that stick children are created by parent(s) own code. that they cannot influence it or prefer a color, that their code INHERENTLY has the variety of the color palette and hexcodes embedded into it.

ABOUT the code and colors. (i believe that the colors of sticks mixing up with each others is COMPLETELY code.)

all sticks inherently have a code and a name that gives them associated power. that can be messed with as well by a user (tdl command). its something that ive also talked in my rules of code ramble and mentioned the concept of "levels" and name power hierarchy

the chosen one, created and possessing a grandeu amount of power

the dark lord, also posessing a lot of power (that i dont believe couldve came from the command that was written into them. the command of destroying chosen is a goal that i believe is able to not be achieved)

the second coming, the name of someone that ties them with their predecessor (does make me wonder though how exactly their code made a connection with our chosen. maybe its possible that the name "the second coming" by itself, as a level, implies being a coming of someone powerful)

victim, being quite weak by themselves and not posessing any power by their own and having to rely on pc programs they're aware of.

i believe that being able to code a stick into a specific power and duty is something that could only be achieved and controlled through the feature of the program the stick was created in. in case of outernet, since they dont have access to computer programs and therefore, programs of creation such as adobe they cannot influence or change one's code

when it comes to creation of a stick i truly believe that you are able to give them color by yourself, unless the child is made by connecting it to the codes of its supposed parent(s). they gain hue by either actually taking/mixing up the colors of the parents or by taking one color in case of a sole parent.

(societal thought: its possible that outernet sticks, due to not wanting to have a literal copy and just an extension of themselves and wanting to create an "actual new life" by mixing colours prefer to have children with a partner, and not by themselves only)

have thought that color/code of the stick could be influenced by the parent(s) preferences, like a parent would like to have a kid similar to them and name them the same way (thus resulting/having their hexcode being picked out individually) BUT. i remembered alans words about kings spouse.

that for gold to exist king would need to marry a really neon yellow stick.

would it imply that sticks that subtract parent(s) code cannot influence the color of the stick created? as much as it impossible to influence the features of a born child in our real life, only taking it from parents and letting the nature play a randomizer. and that the only thing that they are able to influence is the shape of their creation?

society of outernet

THE CONCEPT OF STICKS SOCIETY BEING ELITIST ABOUT THIS STUFF. im eating it im not sure what fully do with it yet but im eating it

ive also talked about society there

when talking about creators of mercs king purple and co i was mostly thinking about real users. BUT YOUR CONCEPT OF STICKS BEING DRAWN BY OTHER STICKS AND ME THINKING ABOUT IT AS WELL . THIS IS SO FUCKING AMAZING. this is canon for me IDC!!!!!!

it does, however, make me wonder of their living process. we know that alan's hollowheads are created for a reason, are born aware of themselves, how to walk/run/interact/fight and havent been seen aging or changing. and due to chosen, victim and second surviving a whole bunch of damage that should've killed them, second literally REFUSING to delete, the fate of dark lord being unknown and alan not giving a straight answer about it and, very important: cg as created sticks being unable to actually die and needing only refresh of a page to continue living, having all their memories intact... makes me wonder that stickmen created directly by a human hand are unable to die.

(does make me wonder about another completely different thing. the societal perception. is it acceptable to be in touch with your stick creators? how would it even feel. do they perceive them as a distant relative?? do sticks that are able to create life consider their creations close to them as well??? im imagining something along the lines about detroit stuff with connor&kamski but way less intense)

connection of realms and creation of life

ive rambled A TON about connection of internet and outernet and how sticks especially of outernet could connect and travel between realms. hear ye hear ye.

right now i genuinely believe that stick society advanced so far in the outernet and got to live there that their connection with the internet mightve severed:

sticks of outernet don't physically interact neither with internet/pc programs OR travel there unless they obtained something that could allow them to travel to a pc/internet (the minecraft block and nether portals that seem doing quite fine in the outernet dimension) or have powers that can allow them to break through (chosen and the computer/ip sky which, interestingly, has only been seen broken through on the alanspc ip adress//dark portals to the internet).

given this, there's not a lot of accesible methods of traveling to the internet and most of them are available only to pc sticks.

(except. for king and purple. except for king getting a block from minecraft that was not supposed to be in the outernet from that merchant in his backstory. but it is a whole another can of worms as well)

as far as we've seen sticks that werent exposed to pc and internet tech dont really use or possess any tech that could access it??????? the times where we've seen tech such as computers/phones/tvs/pc and programs interface were always in possession of sticks that came from a pc or were there at least once (hollowheads, the cg, purple) or were entrusted with it from someone that was on a pc (mercenaries). talking about the video used on the tv in "the king" episode... it has never been shown that this video was being shown directly from the youtubes platform either. and that lead me to a thought that outernet sticks might not even interacted with internet's properties except for the tools used to create a life that came along with the foundation of the internet and most likely were developed from tools brought by the first sticks. but the way outernet progressed they might not even know that this stuff is literally from another realm

heck, a daring thought.

in case of outernet being almost completely cut off from its original internet history recent sticks of outernet might not even know of the existence of pcs and internet.

this does however clash with sticks being still created by people and sticks that are able to create life being in touch with them. but its still supposable that only rare sticks with an ability to create life somewhat have a.. gene? passed through to them from some of their ancestors that could've been able to create life. and users dont exactly come into this (also given its unlikely that its a regular experience for a user to be emulated in the outernet world like it was with alans cursor in showdown)

continuing to talk about elitism. again this is such a sick concept

im thinking right now that elitism towards stickmen that arent completely strong/prefer not to engage in fighting due to the progress of their civilization//different kinds of stickmen mightve also came from the original stickmen (im going start coloring this concept now. also this whole is some adam and eve stuff) that were created to fight. we know from our real world that the first appearance of sticks in the internet didnt come from a desire to animate them in a fighting ring but the whole scene and culture of fighting sticks came around pretty quickly. the whole reason avam exists as a series

its possible that while predecessors of original stickmen werent created with fighting in mind the stickmen that discovered the outernet might as well been the first sticks created for fight. and since it isnt a thing that gone away and is most likely embedded into the code of sticks themselves in the avam universe the whole "fighting code gene" mightve been carried over to recent sticks as well. and this elitism exists that even though sticks dont have to fight anymore (to literally survive in most cases) due to the progress of their kind some conservative mfs might believe that "this is what our ancestors intendeeeddd you need to bow to your roots and your existing gene"

the elitism towards kinds of sticks is. god its such a big and very explainable and amazing concept

due to sticks just beginning existing in the internet a long while ago and mostly drawn pretty similarly (since most creators were just exploring how to draw them digitally) the race of stickmen that passed down from original stickmen could've been all just fullheads and whiteheads and perhaps hollowheads?.. im really thinking hard about it because. we havent seen hollowheads in the outernet and the fact that orange didnt even know of their existence anywhere else and even WE didnt up until they saw victim (and were probably quite damn shocked) and the fact it was possibly quite a grand moment to them confuses me.

im not sure for what reason, but the number of sticks of the race of hollowheads might have been reduced in present outernet, only having the ones that posses incredible power survive. (yet. also victim. that does not posses such power. but its a whole another idea on that they could've acquired it through different means and not from power coming from their own self)

or, it just is an avam universe rule that users didnt really think of drawing hollowheads when creating first sticks because it was hard for them to keep track of the background besides their damn hollow head and it was easier to have a stick that covered it fully on another layer LOL

either way, coming back to elitism (this sounds funny out of context), due to original sticks being simply drawn as fullheads whiteheads and possibly hollowheads it was the main race that stickmen were used to creating when drawing a new life. but with the progress of their civilization they started to experiment, eventually inventing new kinds of sticks (the kinds of hazard, ballista and paleo). due to some conservative sticks clinging to their roots they didnt like the difference from the norm.

elitism thought.

even with a possible inability to code a stick into doing something by outernet sticks would people still try to draw a stick with a specific build associated with certain jobs and tasks, trying to force them into a mold of who they are "supposed" to be? like, drawing a stick that resembles a sign (like hazard) and having them work for example as an aircraft marshaller or some other job that requires caution and directive? the grey sticks working in rocketcorp, possibly made as clerks and errand dudes?

..could purple be drawn being stronger and having a greater build than a usual stick would have, therefore disappointing navy when they dont match their expectations of a stick they wanted?

would it be a problem that progressive sticks would try to solve? allowing different kinds of sticks to exist, but not forcing them into a certain shape?

another thing. YOUVE OPENED A GATEWAY TO A SEA OF WORMS BY TELLING ME ABOUT POSSIBLE ESCAPE OF VICTIM FROM A YOUTUBE VIDEO.

my previous ramble (rocketcorp, dimensions and virtual reality) made a theory that victim, in one way or another essentially brought pc programs and tech into outernet, thus obtaining power that is, quite literally, linked with their whole creation. (very symbolic considering their whole power is the one that made their life end so fast) and, due to outernet being cut off from programs and powers of internet and pcs, became a being that literally stood higher than the reality and fabric of the outernet realm itself, possesing power that could possibly meddle with it (mercs cannons literally changing structure and whole being of objects like the corndog stand or literally messing with a sticks state and body with chosen). and i have thought that victim is the one that could use internet itself as one of their grand tools.

and. animation vs youtube. we fucking know. that a stick is able to upload itself and break the interface of internet.

no one said that the original ava video on youtube is the whole thing that victim used to escape.

also. remember me mentioning that the original video of animation vs minecraft wasnt shown to be accessed through youtube. this video looked like it was downloaded having a whole different bar at the bottom and everything. couldve it been downloaded by vic or rocketcorp?

(victim interneted the fucking internet and started showing avam series like their own show. by the way its ALSO a potential scenario i talked about before. that due to potential severing of outernet citizens with the internet the recorded adventures of the cg on pc, internet and minecraft (ESPECIALLY considering that minecraft existed as a fun simulation game on a festival) that was broadcasted could've been interpreted by outernet sticks as fiction. but its an independent funny concept to be thought about and i still didnt fully figure it out)

op.

you cracked my mind open like a walnut and i cannot stop thinking about all of your ideas

oh my god this did so much to me. ive been writing for the past two hours due to how much ideas it gave me. im going to pin this ramble because its very important to me and puts a lot of theories and headcanons in stone. you are my saviour cindersnows and you are probably going to be fucking FLABBERGASTED by the length of this post

sincerely yours storgic "the aspiring matpat of the avam fandom" dealer

[chisatowo]

Oh btw Kaoru x Kokoro is a thing in my band swap au now

[syrupspinner]

i just beat Superhot with a trackball

did you know that if you write a note through steam's in-game menu, it could just be erased when you close the game? well i didnt till i lost my liveblog

so just as a precursor, i bought this with government money because canada does this thing where if you dont spend your grant for adaptive technology then it just vanishes. so heres a brick thats just on my desk forever now. i still use it sometimes, but its not too often. lately the only times i use it are to play Spin Rhythm XD

[BEGIN RHYTHM TANGENT]

its actually super fun as a fake dj controller. the ball moves the wheel thing and the clicks trigger the notes and this is nonsense if you havent played the game but its FUN damn it. at least until you try hard mode, which adds a 3rd button. so, like... here gimme a sec

jesus christ it is so hard to draw with this thing.

anyway, i keep my right hand on the ball at all times, with my left hand on LB for the notes. if youre confused, check out some gameplay, and then buy the game cuz its awesome

[END RHYTHM TANGENT]

so yeah i mainly dont use this. but since my actual mouse broke, im kinda stuck with it. i do most of my gaming with a controller anyway, but fps is the one exception, i dunno how xbox players do this their whole lives. my buddy wanted to play quake, and i tried the trackball for that, but i got a cramp before the first round ended.

for an fps game, heres what you have to do: first, since the game is designed with the radical notion that youll have a finger resting on each click button, you need to cover LB (left click) and RB (right click) at all times. this leaves you with three fingers to keep on the ball for aiming, and presumably sneaking your ring finger off to scroll in games that ask for it. this was a NIGHTMARE for quake. i simply dont have the coordination to look and scroll at the same time, and even if im standing still the angle i need to have my pinky at to keep it on RB makes my feel like its made of beetles.

oh, if youre curious, LT is middle click and RT is a miscellaneous side-button that is unbound by default in most games but acts as a back button when browsing

anyway, im very glad you all voted for superhot. the games central mechanic is that time only moves when you do, so its basically tailor-made for people who have to do the mouse equivalent of looking a their keyboard to type (no shame). you can stop and not only plan things out before acting, but most importantly, you can take a second to re-adjust your aim by fiddling your cursor a few inches back and forth. this is something thats convenient anyway, but is a godsend when im trying to adjust to a dpi that is a big round ball

i still missed a lot though. at first it was way more than i usually would, but halfway through (ive already beat the game so i just did all the levels through the speedrun challenge. i even got some red times somehow??) it just felt like i was playing superhot. i think the biggest reason for this was i realised the pause meant i didnt have to have my pinky on RB the whole time. if i wanted to, whenever i wanted to throw something, i could pick my whole hand up and mosey over to it with my index and itd still leave me time to spare. i usually just moved my hand right a bit and used my ring finger though. even then, like 8 times out of 10 you can throw something with left click, the only times you cant are when you have a loaded gun and its very niche to throw that instead of shooting it

im also very glad i never had to scroll, that was a total nightmare in quake. i ended up always looking down cuz i ended up moving the ball too, and it was this whole thing

final verdict: obviously bad, i do not recommend doing this. but it wasnt comically abysmal. like i said, after a while i adapted to it pretty effectively, but thats 100% because superhot is designed to be slower paced. put me in the ring with hotline miami and my ass is grass

also hello everyone! i think this is the first time im showing my sideblog from my main. i use this to talk about the games i play and how i feel about em. ive got plenty of stuff posted already so if you like hearing about an internet stranger's opinions on indie games then this is the place for you

my mouse broke so im stuck gaming with this thing