#but yeah back then i really felt like this tbh
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Under the Moonlight✨
Felix Lee x fem!Reader
·:¨⛦𓆩♡𓆪⛦¨:·
Summary:
Under the peaceful night sky, Felix and Y/N bond over quiet conversations, with Felix finding a rare sense of calm as they talk about the simple joys in life.
T/W: Fluff🌸 (and stress? Idk tbh.)
-Not Proof Read-
It was late when Felix found himself wandering outside the dorm, the quiet hum of the city mingling with the cool breeze. The night sky stretched out in front of him, stars twinkling faintly as he took a deep breath. He’d been feeling off all day too much noise, too many people, and not enough time to breathe. But out here, in the stillness, everything seemed to slow down.
As he rounded a corner, he saw her.
Y/N was sitting on a bench, her face turned toward the sky, lost in the rhythm of the night. Her hair swayed gently with the breeze, and Felix couldn’t help but stare for a moment. There was something calming about her presence, as though she belonged to the quiet, just like the stars.
He took a step forward, not wanting to startle her, but his shoes made a soft squeak against the pavement. She looked up immediately, her expression shifting into a soft smile when she recognized him.
"Felix," she greeted, her voice like a melody. "You’re out late."
He shrugged, stepping closer, hands in his pockets. "Couldn’t sleep. Just needed some air."
Y/N nodded, and for a second, they both just stood there, the comfortable silence wrapping around them like a blanket. The moonlight made her eyes shine, and Felix found himself caught in their depth. He’d never been one to talk much about his feelings, especially not to fans, but there was something about Y/N that made him feel safe enough to let his guard down.
"You’re usually so busy," Y/N said, breaking the quiet. "How do you deal with all the pressure?"
Felix paused. It wasn’t often that anyone asked him that. Most people just assumed he had it all together. He chuckled softly, rubbing the back of his neck.
"I don’t know if I deal with it. I just… keep going. Music helps. And my members." He looked at her, his expression softening. "And sometimes, just a moment like this."
Y/N smiled, that knowing look in her eyes. She understood. Sometimes, it wasn’t about the big answers or grand gestures it was about finding peace in the little things.
"You always seem so confident on stage," she said quietly. "But you’re different when it’s just us."
Felix blinked at her, his heart skipping a beat. "What do you mean?"
She shifted on the bench, her gaze turning back to the sky. "It’s like… when you’re up there, you’re this unstoppable force. But here, now, you’re just… Felix. Just a person who needs a break too."
Felix felt his cheeks warm. He hadn’t expected such an honest observation. But it felt nice, hearing that from someone who wasn’t looking at him through the lens of fame.
"Yeah," he murmured, stepping closer to sit beside her. "I think everyone needs a break."
For a moment, they sat in comfortable silence, the only sound being the distant hum of the city and the rustling of leaves. Felix felt a rare sense of calm settle in his chest. It wasn’t often that he got to experience moments like this just being himself, not the idol, not the performer.
"Do you ever think about what you want to do after all this?" Y/N asked after a while.
Felix glanced at her, considering the question. It was something he’d thought about before, but never really had an answer for. The future felt like a blurry horizon that kept moving further away no matter how fast he ran toward it.
"I don’t know," he admitted. "But I know I want to keep doing what I love. Whether it's performing, making music, or something else… I think I just want to stay true to myself."
Y/N smiled at him, her eyes softening. "That’s all anyone can do."
Felix looked at her, feeling a warm, almost overwhelming sense of gratitude for this simple moment. "Thanks, Y/N," he said quietly. "You always know what to say."
She shrugged, a playful smile tugging at her lips. "I guess I just listen."
Felix laughed softly, and for the first time in a while, he didn’t feel the weight of the world on his shoulders. Just the quiet, the moonlight, and the comforting presence of someone who saw him for who he was, not just who he appeared to be.
"Yeah, well, maybe I should listen more often," he said, nudging her playfully.
They stayed there for a while longer, two people under the vast sky, letting the night wrap them in its quiet embrace. Felix wasn’t sure what the future held, but in that moment, he knew he was exactly where he was supposed to
·:¨⛦𓆩♡𓆪⛦¨:·
A/N: Hope you enjoyed! In my opinion it’s not the best and could be better 🤷♀️. Anyway make sure to eat sleep drink byeeeeeee ✨
More like this? Click here
#Skz fluff#straykids fluff#skz x reader#straykids x reader#Felix x Yn#Felix x reader#skz x y/n#Felix fluff#stray kids felix#Feilx Lee fluff
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#this was my whatsapp pfp for years#thank you mikan#kushizashi-chan#2015#rip#rip to my grandma#still mourning#still miss you#but yeah back then i really felt like this tbh#ouchie#gore#tw for gore#tw gore#tw blood#tw wounds#trauma#death#08/12/2015#gone but not forgotten#rest in peace#shock#hurt#loss#mourning#grief
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6 weeks of breathing clean air, I still miss the smoke…..
🏝️🤙🏄🏾♀️🏄🏼♂️💔
#seemed appropriate to use t swift lyrics since I associated so many of her songs with them &haven’t been able to listen to any of them sinc#I don’t even want to say their names#if you know you know#purging them from my life has been depressing as hell#I’m so fucking sick of behind the scenes bullshit ruining my favourite ships#this is the THIRD TIME this has happened to me btw#I’ve genuinely been in mourning#I’m not even exaggerating when I say that finale triggered a days long anxiety attack for me#it’s so ridiculous how something that wasn’t even real caused me to have physical symptoms of distress but it’s true#my heart wouldn’t stop racing. chest was tight. started shaking a few times. felt lightheaded. couldn’t sleep. eating made me sick#it was awful#but now I’ve mostly moved on to anger#I’m angry at a lot of people involved for different reasons#I’m also angry because I’ve lost my inspiration to write#I was solely committed to writing about them the past few years and now that they’re over I have no desire to write for them or another shi#I’m crushed that I’ve lost my joy for writing those ficlets but it’s too painful now. probably always will be tbh#feeling pretty lost creatively…#thank god I made a new friend on here before shit hit the fan#she and I have been venting out our sadness and frustrations together and it’s helped a lot#I hope everyone else in the fandom was able to find support like I did#I know my exit from the fandom was abrupt but I had just finished watching and was reacting purley on raw emotion#but I still think it was my best way to cope with it all#apologies for the rant and to everyone following me who don’t know wtf I’m talkimg about but I was thinking about them today#and I needed to unload a bit#I’m not going to tag anything but I do miss this fandom terribly#I’m still at a point where I don’t want to hear anything about this show or ship ever again… but yeah… I really miss those good times#take me back to the season 3 hype#THIS is the bad place#personal#laura says things
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🎤
a song that i associate with my muse meme!
AHH, hello, chrome!! thank you for the ask (: i appreciate you guys sending these in SOOO much, tbh, but allow me to introduce y'all to a new BANGER that is kind of sad and yet... i think it captures one part of blamore's character that i haven't really talked about before (an explanation as to why i associate this song with my muse will be in the tags):
sade - is it a crime.
youtube
#IT WAS PROBABLY NOTHING BUT IT FELT LIKE THE WORLD: musings.#I SUBMIT MY SOUL TO THE DISASTER OF LOVING YOU: playlist.#yeah - so beyond sade being an AMAZING singer i also chose this song in particular because it just... reminds me a LOT of the situation-#that blamore's character went through / is going through with his ex bf erich though OFC the pronouns in the song are different.#i just think that the lyrics in particular 'is it a crime that i still want you? and i want you to want me too? ... surely you want me back#- are just JSJSJ its very sad but it really does a good job of describing how it feels after everything it went through regarding-#erich who unbeknowst to blamore still loves him even though things became SO much more complicated when he came back from-#death the way he is now as i understand both points of view in the situation TBH (with blamore being hurt by the idea that erich didn't-#accept it the way it is now & erich being somewhat horrified by what had happened to blamore + wanting to reverse the process somehow)#but GAHHH. blamore really hasn't seen him ever since this has happened bc it physically hurts it to think about erich because he-#still holds a lot of affection for him but again its hurt and so its complicated. but i hope y'all enjoy the song as much as i did-#because i adore pretty much all of sade's music okok <3
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without doubt one of the worst things about bratz dolls is that you cannot display them without shoes bc they look weird as fuck. stumpy ass bitches
#tales from diana#i bought some bratz w a walmart giftcard my brother got me for my birthday... like months ago#my birthday is in april so i probably bought them like may or june#i opened yasmin today and i really gotta wash her hair it's a gelly mess#lookin like a rat's nest fuckin... it's bad mga wtf#it's the forever bratz yasmin from this year btw not a reproduction#i did also get the reproduction of campfire felicia bc it was also there and the same price#and like honestly she was lookin so cute and tbh she was a better deal lol she came w two outfits so yeah#you know yasmin was my favorite design of the forever bratz but the doll itself is somewhat cheaper than i was expecting her to be#ppl always praise mga for having higher quality than playline barbie these days but like... i kept thinking#hmmm if this had come out in the 2000s this doll would've had a fabric purse and not a hard plastic one#this lace on the front would actually be able to open and not just be glued there#whatever she's still cute i really love her#but i did have that first experience in such a long time. like since childhood. where i just take off some bratz shoes#and i'm like NO FEET! NO FEET! NO FEET! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH#PUT IT BACK!!!!!!#they look more than just naked. they look injured#i used to treat my bratz clothing completely differently than my barbie clothing as a kid bc they felt so much less interchangeable lol#i had a million barbies and a million barbie outfits and i really did not care to keep anything on a particular doll#w my couple of bratz that i had in childhood i really had to be careful where those outfit pieces ended up. couldnt leave em undressed#i suppose that still hasn't changed#you know one of these days i have to get myself a new funk-n-glow jade. she was my first bratz#but also one of these days....... i gotta wash yasmin's hair 😒
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one time a couple years ago my mom and I were chatting on a drive home and idk how we got on the subject but my mom mentioned my chronic pain, to which my dumb ass responded "I wouldn't call it chronic, it's just constant" and she had to inform me, her apparently fucking stupid son, that that is, in fact, chronic pain.
#I felt so stupid#and I honestly still do looking back on it#in my defense I was maybe 13#definitely no older than 14 (I hope tbh I don't really have like a mental conceptualization or understanding of time#so any guesses are just. vaguely informed guesses with no real accuracy#other than 'yeah this was probably when i was like 7-10 years old ig I'll just say one of those)#chronic pain#pain#chronic illness#chronically ill#disability#disabled#constant pain#lupus#fibromyalgia#autoimmune disorde
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#thinkinn abt changing my name#i have thought about it for 3yrs#but honestly.... last year i got so sidetracked and everything in my life fell away#its just that i dont fkn care abt anything#but being in love and filling my life with that#was what happened bc it is what i need and want lol#but now im like ok... back into the empty hollow of my so called life#my id card expires in mid november#so i have to send the application for name change now if i wanna do it#the thing is...#im attached to this name in english#it is nice sounding in english yeah. but in swedish is sounds like absolute garbage#i like the other name i've thought abt changing to foryears. it was what my mom was originally gonna call me#it soyunds better in swedish too#but tbh im also attached to it bc...#idk... feeling like her (that name) with him felt right and sounded right#and i loved that name in his mouth and him calling me that and it was nice and i couldve lived in that forever#but now thats gone#and tbh i cannot stay there all alone while he is gone and had left and is w someone else#i cant like not change my name simply bc it is painful that i will never hear him call me my new name#and i really did feelcomfortable inthat name and being her with him#but im never even gonna hear his voice again#am i just gonna listen to his old voice messages and cry and enjoy him calling me my name#while he has left and is in lobve with someone else#and is calling her HER name. no. i cant#i wanna cry just thinking abt that. i dont wanna let him or us go#but he made that choice for me and i cannot do anything abt it#no matter how fkn bad it hurts. how much i dont want to#im gonna have to move on and live my boring empty ass life without him lol#so yeah.. i should change my name
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not my dad not liking moral orel season 3 🤭🤭🤭that's so embarrassing for him (<- he's not wrong for feeling that way but i think it's like 60% because he doesn't like it when art gets weird and that's so so tragic for him)
#i actually think his points make sense this time. which tbqh is not normally how i feel when he criticizes smth i love#basically he was like s3 was a completely different show from the first two seasons#and he didn't like how all over the place and directionless it felt#and honestly yeah ok i can see that#personally i think the choice to broaden the focus to moralton broadly vs mostly just orel is really interesting#and it allows for different facets of their critique of fundie waspisms to extend to situations/characters orel wouldn't really be privy to#(could you imagine 'alone' with orel there? me neither)#and i personally liked them fleshing out the marginal characters. i never found that boring or like a major diversion#again they're like 11 min episodic(ish) things it's hard for them to feel like they drag on y'know#it shows a lot of ambition and i think they pulled it off really well tbh (cancellation aside)#but i will agree that the transition is a little sudden. nature is such a big moment for the series#and for orel's arc specifically but then we spend little time with orel post-nature so the tone shift doesn't#necessarily align with his realization (at least in terms of the canon timeline. ep release order does align)#it's sudden but we jump back to before the shattering. it's disorienting and i think it's kind of cool as hell#a realization like orel's in nature is gonna throw the past into question and color his life and thus the town#(bc let's face it orel is the real mayor of moralton kfhsjs) and while we've been seeing Some of moralton's ugliness#in every episode until now it's shown in full force in and post-nature (release-wise). so when the timeline jumps around#and it all feels twisted and hazy and sickening and it All Comes Back To The Hunting Trip as our point of reference#for when things are happening it makes it feel like the trip Caused this disturbance. it's almost a spatio-temporal THING#like orel IS the center of this universe. my point is it's weird and i like it a lot i think it works#but anyway i think s3 is a natural evolution of s1+2 albeit an accelerated one#and i really wish we'd gotten to see more of what s3 morel was cooking bc it was setting up some really cool stuff imo#like he hated everything w mommy censordoll x clay but it's SUCH a cool place to take their characters. freud would go crazy#moral orel#and i think if they knew where they had to end the season maybe focusing on other characters was a way to keep orel stagnant enough to like#end the finale where they needed him. maybe.#we actually DID finish it yesterday. i rewatched the finale the day before bc i was impatient but yeah 👍#now it's chapter black time >:}
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Coincidentally "ohh doggy!" Is the same thing that comes to mind spotting you out in the wild of my dashboard
Don't have any fucking doggy reaction pics only kitty cat and horsey so have this crude edit. Wags my tail at this ^_^ correct reaction too. If you catch me around you gotta do a Tommy Wiseau and hit me with the oh hi doggy!. It's the morally correct choice.
#luly talks#free to adapt based on whichever animal I'm vibing w hardest at the time alternatively too#unless I'm monkey posting which is rare but i think best case scenario there is throw some fruit at me and keep the distance#but that's RARE tbh only twice or thrice have i had those eras#honestly I'd make a list of all the animals i relate to and to what degree i wont but i could.#though kitty doggy horsey and rarely monki are my main ones and cats are not Even yknow like#i have cat like qualities but i am not a cat per se. more like a dog that was socialized around cats. if doggy was kitty y'know#l.l. is my dogsona in spirit and that iss shown in them bc they're mostly dog but can still purr and have cat-like reactions to things#horses are Completely detached from it tho to the point i cant even make a sona or fursona or whatever#its the most face value stuff. like just picture a horse. now give me a sugar cube. y'know#or spicy curry. i wont survive it but I'll love it.#i once made a whole list of all the others i mean cows are big up there there's a reason why cowly exists#cow eyes are something my family has too. big dark cow eyes. my eyes look not as big bc I'm always experiencing sensory overload and im chic#ato and im sleepy but TRUST ME BRO. WHEN IM HEALTHY MY EYES LOOK SO BIG AND ROUND#I think cow mood really requires in general a deep fucking level of peace.#yeah some of these are like only achievable thru certain emotions.#dog is very versatile too bc it has that biting back quality to it. though luckily I've been not needing to bare teeth#yet i keep tasting copper. curious!#yeah I'm just infodumping now you caught me b4 bedtime and i just felt like talking about this ok. pretends to jump on you#asks#anon
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♡ + food
OOH, thank you so much for the ask, @crimeclean! this is honestly a prompt that i was kind of hoping to get because i've been looking for an excuse to talk about this. so, allow me to tell you about one food that barton has had an aversion to over the years and for... honestly, a very unfortunate (to say the least), but also a good reason. and this is mushrooms. now i have talked about this a bit a while ago, but whenever barton was still with his bio father, wesley mathis; he went through a period of having to feel food insecurity and hoarding food. this was due to the fact that wesley had lost his job as a forester at one point, which caused them both to struggle a lot with having enough to eat. and one day, as sad as this may sound, barton had ran out of the food that he stockpiled for a day where wesley wasn't able to feed either of them. so the choice was either to go out to try to find something to eat or simply ruminate in his hunger / try to make it go away by sleeping. however, barton was just SO hungry this day that he was literally having pains and as a result, because they lived out in the woods at the time — a six or seven year old barton went out to see if he could find something to eat amongst the wilderness.
and barton had found morel mushrooms, a species that is known to grow in new jersey that isn't toxic when eaten cooked, BUT is when eaten raw. and he had eaten a good amount of them so the onset of symptoms he got from eating them arrived pretty quickly. they are known to cause gastrointestinal issues especially in large amounts and have even killed some people who didn't have the knowledge that you can't eat them uncooked. as a result, barton had to be hospitalized and after that, he didn't even want to look at mushrooms for years. even now, he doesn't really like eating them because of the fact that they caused him to have a quite traumatic experience as a kid, but if they're being cooked by someone as a part of a dish and barton KNOWS that this person doesn't have a toxic type of mushroom... he'll eat them. though about 9 times out of 10, if someone actually offers him the choice to eat something without them, he will gladly take that.
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#yeah so. if your muse is cooking a dish with mushrooms he won't STOP them from putting them in buttt he definitely doesn't use them himself#in his cooking because of what happened back then. and ofc it is REALLY sad that he felt SO freaking hungry that he literally felt like he-#had to resort to eating something that unbeknowst to him would put him in the hospital. i ultimately blame wesley for this however TBH bc#he probably knew that he was on thin ice at work for not going in when he should've multiple times. he just didn't CARE bc the main thing-#that was important to him was indulging in his serial killing as much as possible and that is just... so selfish and twisted of him.#because it really shows that wesley didn't care that he had a kid to take care of at home y'know? so yeahhh i just. i REALLY hate the guy#if y'all couldn't already tell JSJSJ anyways though i hope you liked my response to this even though it was really kind of sad and just-#expands on the idea that barton's bio father's terrible actions did in fact have consequences as all decisions do including on his child.#tw: mentions of food insecurity.#tw: poisoning.#tw: trauma related to food.
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#here's some of the classics on that list i have beef with btw:#i have tried to read A Confederacy of Dunces several times and it's funny but it's also so cringe and Ignatius is so obnoxious#that i find it too difficult to finish like i just feel depressed and bad for everybody around him too much#i tried reading Infinite Jest like a decade ago and i got like 200 pages in and i remember thinking it felt like#such a slog the entire time because he's just so gd wordy and also i stopped liking DFW after i heard the abuse allegations against him#frankenstein i didnt read that long ago but i just remember finding it so boring for some reason?? i feel i might need to read it again#dracula ngl i feel like im cheating a bit saying ive completely read it because i loved the beginning and then HATED so much of the rest#the characters were just so boring and melodramatic hahaha i just liked the part where jonathan was doing a travel diary#and trapped in the castle tbh and after that i skimmed quite a bit#i almost flipped my shit when i saw ender's game on there because I ALWAYS mix it up with ready player one by ernest cline#which i bought the audiobook of a while back and hated every minute of it i dont think its good at all#but it wasnt that so phew my faith in this list is somewhat restored#i read most of the first game of thrones book and was disappointed tbh maybe because id seen the show already#so i was like 'this feels almost exactly the same except worse?' because i'd been expecting it to give me more depth and insight#into the characters but instead it felt exactly the same and i still didnt love any of the characters enough to feel attached to them#also i am fully aware me not personally liking or vibing with a book doesnt mean it doesnt deserve to be considered great btw#but i think if youre gonna be like me and force yourself to go through a bunch of lists like this very seriously then you also need to just#let yourself be like 'yeah not for me' without feeling too bad about it sometimes too#often times i dont particularly love the classics or 'important books' but at the same time#i still feel like im getting more out of reading them than just grabbing the newest hyped up books that also dont do anything for me#maybe not in a 'wow i loved reading this' way but in like a#'i now have first-hand knowledge of this thing that is so influential / so frequently referenced'#or 'this challenged me and i feel like i did a mental/emotional workout or gave me some new food for thought'#or 'made me more aware of what gaps in my knowledge and reading skills and what my tastes are too'#sort of way...#it really just depends on what you're reading for and why and what you're hoping to get out of it a lot of the time maybe#it's like the homework i give myself to go through these lists that i also intersperse with the stuff i read more just for fun#p
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can't believe all my roommate's friends were so actively working against me when it came to who gets the big room with the balcony attached to it and in the end she actually got it....
#we agreed to make it fair by drawing lots for it#but i ended up suggesting to use the spinning wheel generator so that it's really up to luck#and i can't believe i shot myself in my own foot with this bc she actually got the big room#even though in the beginning of the year i asked if i could have it when the other roommate moves out#(we knew for a while that she'd move out in summer)#but then my roommate asked if we could draw lots maybe and i said yes bc i didn't wanna be an asshole 😭#but now she actually got the big room and now i kinda regret not putting my foot down and claiming it#bc on my side everyone told me i could just say that i've been in the flatshare the longest and therefore i could claim the room#but idk i wanted to be nice and look where it got me#it's not the end of the world bc my current room is still nice it's just the smallest#but i'm really complaining abt nothing ig#at least i'm saving money on rent 😅#but the big room would have been saur nice tbh....#and the fact that my windows still fave the balcony and now the roommate who constantly invites friends over has the balcony .........#you see where i'm getting at 😵💫#let's hope i'll get some good sleep the next few week before it's too cold to be on the balcony CJSJCHS#but yeah with her friends working against me i also mean that a lot of them smoke so apparently they told her that she should get the room#bc she smokes and has friends that smoke as if i am not worthy of a balcony bc i don't smoke like 🫠#idk i felt like i was the only nice on in the scenario who was willing to play fair even though i didn't have to and her friends were still#lowkey pissing on my leg behind my back yk#she was nice about it but her friends get the side eye from me abt the whole thing 😶#sorry for the rant#delete later#000
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ok now that wild blue yonder was actually good i can be honest and say i didn't like the star beast
#it just felt messy and badly paced and i didn't like side characters acting#and i didn't like the way they did the metacrisis#AND honestly biggest one of all i didn't like the way they wrote donna's life. like sure she's happy now she has a family who loves her#her mum especially has changed a lot and you could argue that has had a knockon effect on her overall self esteem and relationships#but the point of donna originially was that her self esteem was shit! and nerys didn't really like her but donna settled for a shit friend#and her mum was mean and lance was horrible but she thought that was the best she was gonna get#and then the tragedy of her ending was that she loses all the growth and confidence she got with the doctor and goes back to being shallow-#-because she doesn't think she deserves anything more than that. because that's all she thinks her life is ever gonna be.#gossip and hangovers and the first bloke who's 'quite sweet' are as good as her life is ever gonna get#and tbh i really really needed to see her growth and change EXPLICITLY. like her mum being better to her -> that having an effect#her having rose -> that having an effect#the doctor's subconscious -> that having an effect on her self esteem specifically#etc etc#i just feel like rtd kind of ignored the tragic ending was like look her husband is a himbo who loves her how cute!#like ok. good that she's had character development OFFSCREEN that goes UNREMARKED ON.#also her + the doctor didn't have enough interaction + the metacrisis ending felt cheap#i liked rose and the scene with donna dying and i liked the meep a lot and the trans conversations when they didn't feel shoehorned in#i thought binary binary nonbinary was stupid but fun and very doctor who#but that was mostly it#but yeah. wild blue yonder was good. solid. felt like a proper rtd episode aka well written and acted and paced. lovely lovely stuff#doctor who
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Ranking the 10 last runner-ups
1. Cha cha cha 🇫🇮 2023
2. Space Man 🇬🇧 2022
3. Voila 🇫🇷 2021
4. Calm after the storm 🇳🇱 2014
5. Soldi 🇮🇹 2019
6. Fuego 🇨🇾 2018
7. Sound of silence 🇦🇺 2016
8. Beautiful mess 🇧🇬 2017
9. Hold me 🇦🇿 2013
10. A million voices 🇷🇺 2015
#the top 3 i absolutely love#fuego grew off me massively after 2018 ended#beautiful mess i always felt like i was obligated to like tbh everyone treated it like the real winner of that year and a true piece of art#but it always underwhelmed me for some reason#so i tried to listen to it and force myself to say yeah omg what a cool song but now i never feel like listening to it?? sorryy#hold me is very mid i'm sorry#and a million voices always came off to me as whiny and preachy and desperate for points. also felt pressured-#-to like that one back when the fandom really loved it#now almost everyone hates it and that's fair tbh#txt
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#accidentally got into a bit of an argument with my sunday school teacher/youth group leader this morning#(tho I didn't see it as an argument? more of a difference of opinions? slash-me asking for clarification on his points#and opinions on mine?#but my sisters said it felt like I was arguing so. *helpless shrug* that wasn't the intention really)#but the subject was about heaven/the christian's true home#and he was saying that the descriptions of glory and splendor in Revelation (streets of gold/foundations of the city/12 gates/etc)#are all real literal actual descriptions of heaven and that's where we'll open our eyes as soon as we die#and as I'm leaning more and more into 'revelation is largely a prophetic vision and we should be careful not to take too much of it#too literally' lately#I was saying that 'heaven' as we call it is the state of being returned to perfect unity with God + the New Creation#which will be brought about after the end of days#and. yeah.#now I'm largely just confused lol#because it just seems to me like saying 'yeah as soon as I die I'm gonna wake up in a MANSION and there's gonna be JEWELRY EVERYWHERE#and GOLD STREETS and ALL THESE VERY SPECIFIC SYMBOLIC ARCHITECTURAL FEATURES#is... slightly missing the point???#I personally find it far more hopeful and attractive to say tbh idk what it's gonna be like when I open my eyes on the other side of death#BUT I know that God is going to bring me back!! I will be resurrected in a new body with a new purpose in a new *world*#and it will be every single thing I love about this world but BETTER!!! no death!! no sorrow!!! no pain!! perfect undistracted fulfillment#of my callings!!! a wonderful fantastic beautiful unbroken world and //I// will get to live in it and help cultivate it!!!!#and actually this may be a bit of a rabbit trail but I wonder why the churches I've grown up in don't seem to care that much#about the New Earth? they're all like 'YEAH HEAVEN :D :D :D GOLD STREETS 'N PEARLY GATES :D :D :D'#but never 'hey did you know that all the horrible ways we've destroyed this wonderful place that we live in now will be undone?#and we'll come back to earth but it'll be just like it was in the Garden???? isn't it cool that as much terrible stuff we inflict on#ourselves and others and God's beautiful work of creation it's STILL not more than God can redeem and remake and restore???'#bc that message seems a lot more inspiring to me? not just escapism but restoration and reclamation?#idk. I wish I had people to actually discuss these sorts of spiritual things with around...#maybe I'll find them at college... I really hope I do...#tag ramble#christianity
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started rereading the pjo series the other day actually wawawa still my favorite fr it means the world to me :(( but yeah also! rewatched big hero 6 and ngl it probably really is my favorite movie for many personal reasons hehe AND THEN also watched the first part of hamilton on tv w my parents they loved it hehehe
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#okay that's all just a quick update on me and my life since i loveee to share all that#OKAY OKAY THOUGH YEAH i really love my (extended) family. i am super shy but you know what i love them sooo much#i already miss my aunt so much sniffs the whole holy week break felt like a dream tbh. i loved that she came over and etc etc#and also brought her (GAY !!) friend and then idk she's the best and so supportive and i came out to her right. first one irl. means a lot.#but yeah having experiences w her (esp her gay guy friend tho) meant a lot to me LMFAO idk it feels like those. crush feels but platonic#anyway <3 idk what else. uhm. yeah. that's basically it#oh an old friend from middle school dmned me bcs my personal instagram note was a rainbow flag and heart face so . yk#i came out to them back then and they're on the lgbtq community too so HELL YEAH sorry it's been days tho and i haven't replied back aha#you see. i am a mess. i haven't gotten to a lot of stuff especially because i for some reason have this. i need to. you see#i need to... if i am doing something i have to put in All My Effort. so i am literally reading everything my teachers give and say#and. literally everything. and i am definitely FAR far away from getting near to finished but hell yeah RAGHHH#I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE CONCERT NEXT MONTH OH MY GOD IT'S IN LIKE 3/4 WEEKS NOW ONLY WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK#my dad has been listening to the 1975 tons (he said he has now listened to all their songs. idk if thats true but i think so)#idk yeah just makes me happy uh etc love family etc motivated but a mess uh etc. goodnight
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